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ceterisparibus116 · 3 years

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Daredevil scenes / plot points you would have done differently? (I get a suspicion a lot of them have to do with the law stuff, Frank Castle's trial especially. 😉 )

Aaaaa I love this question! Warning: VERY long response:

DEFINITELY the Frank Castle trial. Man, it could’ve been SO GOOD. I have a lot of issues with it, obviously, but the main one is that Matt treating Frank as a hostile witness could’ve been amazing (character-driven, emotionally-charged, also at times hilarious), and we were ROBBED.

I also wish Matt could’ve been involved in more trial prep. The show makes it seem almost like Matt’s skill is limited to courtroom antics, but charisma and the ability to think on your feet in the courtroom mean next to nothing if you haven’t laid a foundation with good legal research and legal writing. I would’ve loved it if the legal plotlines showed us more of that. Like, you know Matt and Karen’s date night in S2 where she helps him come up with witness questions? I would’ve loved it if: a) they’d gotten, like, ANY part of that scene correct from a legal standpoint, and b) if we could’ve gotten MORE. I know that kind of thing might seem boring, but I don’t think it would be. You can really show off characters’ personalities in that kind of environment, and then the audience gets the reward of seeing that hard work pay off at trial.

Speaking of, I know we’ve talked before about S3 splitting everyone up. I still think that could’ve maybe been worth it if we’d gotten a S4 where we could see how everyone learned from how disastrous the S3 isolation was, but without S4, everyone’s isolation in S3 is really unfortunate. I would’ve loved to see Nelson, Murdock, and Page working together for at least half of the season, instead of just the last 3-ish episodes. It would’ve been fascinating to watch, since Matt would still not be in a great headspace, and Karen would still be hurt, and Foggy would be just Trying To Deal with his idiot best friends. (But since we don’t have that, at least we have my S3 canon-divergent retelling thing: Take A Deep Breath – shameless plug.)

I also would’ve generally kept the stakes lower in S2 and S3. I think you agree with me that both seasons would’ve been more powerful if we’d had more lower-level villains. But one of my favorite things about S1 is that we get to know the people who are at stake. Unlike in the Avengers where it’s just “the world” or “New York” or something, S1 showed us a little boy who wanted to go back to his dad, and Elena, and that one juror who was being exploited, and Melvin, and even a bad guy like Vladimir, and they’re ALL sympathetic. We really understand who Matt’s fighting for, but with the exception of Grotto, Jasper Evans, and Julie Barnes, I don’t feel like we really get that in S2 and S3.

Related: our S2 ninjas needed a clearer motivation. (That goes for Defenders, too.) Imo, they needed personal stakes. Fisk’s mission to clean up Hell’s Kitchen was personal. Frank’s mission to take out bad guys was personal. Everything about Elektra was personal. Dex’s desperate attempt to find a place for himself and find people who care about him was VERY personal. But the Hand? Not personal at all.

With Elektra…I’m torn. Part of me really wishes Matt could’ve told her no and maintained his boundaries all along, because a) I hate love-triangle-type drama and drama that could be resolved if people just stopped keeping secrets, and b) it would’ve been so refreshing to see the femme fatal trope subverted, and c) it would’ve given Elektra more agency. That being said…that might be veering too far away from comics canon. Matt is canonically a disaster with relationships, and he and Elektra have this whole…epic…magnetic…thing. I personally would argue that the show isn’t beholden to the canon in this specific way, but I can see how people would be upset if Matt and Elektra hadn’t turned out the way they did in S2.

I would’ve liked Marci to have a smidge more character development. She was so sweet and supportive in S3and I don’t…quite…know where that came from? Oh, well.

Speaking of character development: I wish Matt and Foggy could’ve had some real conversations. Aside from when Foggy found Matt at the gym in S1 and they talked about moving forward, I don’t feel like they had deep conversations that weren’t arguments. Matt’s S3 apology is good, but I would’ve loved to see Foggy apologize for how he contributed to the problems in their friendship. I also wish we could’ve seen Foggy explicitly thank Matt for, y’know…SAVING HIS LIFE.

As for Karen, I wish her revelation scene to Matt had been more about HER. It says a lot about how selfless she is that she used her own pain to try to convince Matt not to kill Fisk. But even though I know Matt’s super depressed and everything, I would’ve loved to see him put his own angsty issues aside for a sec and just be there for his friend and the woman he loves. Even the fact that she is the one who crosses the room to be close to him is telling; he should’ve gone over to her when she started crying and been there for her.

Although if I’m talking about Matt’s romantic relationships, I wouldn’t have minded if the show went a Clairedevil route. Although that would require A LOT. I do wish, if I’m being really fanciful, that we could’ve seen Claire in S3. Or, at minimum, seen Matt and Claire interact in Defenders.

FATHER LANTOM TELLING MATT THAT GUILT IS A SIGN THAT HIS WORK IS NOT DONE. I cannot with that scene. I love Father Lantom, but that? Really? I mean, I get it. That’s a common way that Catholic doctrine is interpreted, and it’s what Matt basically wants to hear anyway, but it is SUCH a dangerous thing to tell Matt (and I feel like Father Lantom should’ve known that???) and it’s also, as I understand it, not even the technically correct Catholic interpretation of guilt. Like, that’s literally not what guilt is or how it’s supposed to work. (Although who knows. I’m not Catholic, and as I understand it, Catholics themselves vary a lot in their interpretations of doctrine. So idk.) If I were writing that scene, I would definitely not have written Father Lantom to say that.

On the religious theme, I wish S3 had circled back to Matt’s original objections related to the book of Job. He gets quite a few things wrong in his recap, and I’m not sure if Maggie didn’t correct him because she didn’t know better, or because she didn’t think a Biblical literacy lecture was what he needed at the moment, OR because the writers couldn’t be bothered to read the book. (In fairness…it’s a long and complicated book. But they couldn’t have been bothered to read a commentary on it?) I wish S3 had not stopped at giving Matt an abstract tapestry analogy to heal his faith when it also should’ve addressed his specific complaints.

I wish we’d had more time to see Matt and Maggie repair their relationship, or start to. And I wish she’d hugged him at Literally Any Point.

I wish the whole Matt-hallucinating thing had been clearer. Was he actually hallucinating? Or was that just his internal monologue manifested through other characters? If he was hallucinating, did he just...stop? Is he not freaked out about that? What was going on????

Oh, and if only they could’ve gotten Dex’s psychological diagnosis right.

Other than that, there are a couple scenes that I feel like drag on way too long (S3 especially has an odd amount of monologues that generally strike me as OOC anyway—except with Fisk; he’s just Like That) but I don’t want to go into all of them. It would be hypocritical, given how long this reply is. :P

So yeah, I think I’ll stop there, although I’m sure there’s more, haha. Thank you again for the ask and the excuse to ramble about Daredevil! I look forward to your thoughts as well.

#daredevil #daredevil meta

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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Ppl be like "Magnus can't have flaws??! How dare you say nice things about him?!??" sometimes. All of Magnus' characteristics that we use to describe him are Canon but ppl act like we're making his personality up??? Saw someone tag a post abt ppl only making up personalities for guys nd not girls with his name as if he wasn't a main and didn't have his own story+background. It was made worse as they tagged the same post with damon Salvatore nd now I feel sick.

Book!magnus isn't flawed he's a straight up asshole. Ppl like to say he's better than show!magnus because of his dick ways and I'm just like: ????. Show!Magnus does have flaws idiots just lack the critical thinking to find them!

idk who damon salvatore is (i mean im vaguely aware hes from that vampire diaries thing but i know nothing beyond that) but otherwise i agree with u (also, ppl got a lot of nerve putting a coc in a list like that like being a moc means being treated even slightly the same way as a white man lmao. i mean yeah sure hes still got male privilege but are you serious? fandom treating a coc like he deserves nuance and well thought out headcanons and love and attention? wish i lived in that world)

what rlly drives me crazy about this whole "magnus is allowed to have flaws" thing is that like, yeah, he sure is! especially because poc are never allowed to be even the slightest bit human, much less flawed, without people getting up in arms about it. magnus' got plenty of flaws! he's stubborn, he's self sacrificial, he hides his feelings from others, he pushes ppl away when they get too close to his vulnerabilities, he has a tendency to simply Decide what other ppl want or need (like with alec and that whole moving to idris thing), he is impulsive, and a lot of other shit

and it's exactly those flaws that draw me to him, honestly! like i talk about how kind and caring he is all the time, and that is true, but i know that this is, at least partially, him feeling like he needs to be useful to be loved, and erasing himself/defining himself by what he can do for others, which is the same trait that leads him to act in all these ways i mentioned above. it's why i relate to him! it's why i love him! magnus isn't perfect, he is good, a good person, and there's a difference

which is the point i have been wanting to make when i started writing this answer because like. what drives me crazy the most is how those dark magnus stans or whatever love to say that they write him as an evil person who literally enjoys hurting others (like im sorry but have you watched the show?) because he's "allowed to have flaws". usually the same ppl who keep being like "i write my relationships realistically!" and when u check out their fics, it's like, literally abuse. like straight up physical violence and manipulation and gaslighting. and. that's not being realistic, girl! that's normalizing abuse

and it's one thing if this is a dark fic and its supposed to be bad or whatever and u just want to explore that, god knows i write about abuse all the damn time. its another to be like "actually if ppl arent like that its not realistic and ur writing them as perfect uwu beans and u have no nuance and are a bad writer". cuz honestly, if u think "having flaws" is being straight up abusive, and that it's "unrealistic" otherwise, then that tells me all i need to know about how u live ur relationships. if u think its literally impossible to exist in the real world without abusing others then i dont want to have shit to do with u, buddy

(and im not even saying that from just a logical standpoint but also from experience because ive had exes and ex friends who used this whole "actually humans are naturally selfish and dont care about others and enjoy hurting others it's human nature" rethoric [and the whole "realistic" thing is really just that except applied to fiction] and surprise! they were all abusive! either to me or other ppl i knew, usually both)

and it's not unrealistic to be kind and care about others! on the contrary, it's a very normal and natural human trait. so miss me with that "either ur character literally enjoys torturing other ppl or he's being written as perfect" shit. which of course gains particularly strong tones when ppl r writing coc, esp moc. like no one insists that if alec doesn't feel literal pleasure hurting others then that's unrealistic and ppl r making his personality up and treating him like he's perfect. i wonder why 🙄

like the bar for "being written realistically" for white ppl is having flaws, for poc it's being straight up cruel

miss me with that shit! magnus is kind, he is selfless, he is caring, he is willing to do anything to help others, he is loving beyond anything else even after all his trauma! and yes, he is still flawed and realistic, and no, he is not an innocent baby. if he were i wouldn't be into it because i don't want a character who's kind because he doesn't know better, i want a character who's kind because they choose to. nothing could possibly be more boring to me than a character who's nice and unaware that other ppl might be assholes, i want characters who know exactly how terrible other people can be, who have experienced it firsthand, but who are still kind because that's who they are and what they believe in. and that's magnus! he knows perfectly well how full of horrors the world is, how sometimes there is no right choice, how sometimes u need to make sacrifices, how some people are really selfish and cruel and he's even been used by those specifically because he's too kind of selfless. he just chooses to still be kind and selfless anyway

if you could never, that's not my problem, or his writing's lol

#woo hooooo time to have an ANTI TAKE boys #sorry anon i kind of snapped #this rant has been sitting on my head for a while #salt #discourse #abuse tw #torture tw #ask #anonymous

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tfw-no-tennis · 3 years

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mtmte liveblog issue 30

30 issues wow...forget the fact that I skipped like 5 issues of crossover event nonsense

another big ole swerve recap omg

this trial is so messsyyyyyyyyy lmao

hvbajdfbahsjkfdbhjs starscream listening to meagtrons speech looking like ‘hmmmmmmm I may have miscalculated’

prowl looks pissed af meanwhile optimus just looks dead inside lmao

I mean. megatron kinda does have a point. this is like, the most biased, conflict of interests lookin trial of all time, in that all the major participants have some sort of long, complicated history with each other. what a mess

optimus, listening to megatron’s speech: wow this is worse than divorce court was

oh shit I totally forgot that those decepticons attacked the trial

MAGNUS HAMMER AYYYYYY

a guy saying ‘objection!’ as optimus prime punches half his face off...that pretty much sums up idw op lmao

op: oh thank god, I can punch shit now. I'm not cut out for this bureaucracy nonsense

megatron: thanks, random decepticon, for the attempted rescue, but I'm super old and I just want to nap so no thanks

random decepticon: wtf- [gets murdered by optimus prime]

I love op’s big ass antennae

meanwhile, brainstorm goes to a bar and instead of buying anything, pulls out his own drink. I feel like that isn't allowed in most bars, or is at least frowned up vbsjdhfbhjdkfn. ily brainstorm

also? big ass mood I was so broke last time I was on a barhopping vacation w/friends that I brought a cheap giantass bottle of mixed drink in my backpack and just drank that at all the bars lmao

WHIRLLLL I love his humansona sm. and also I love that whirl is into artsy french movies or w/e omg

brainstorm, drinking thru a wrist funnel: sorry I cant take my mask off rn it isn’t plot relevant yet

‘earthlets’ lmao

I love that rung is like, too pretentious to care that much about movies and would rather read earth books lol

and then bluestreak is like ‘yeah they have books...comic books’ can this man not read

I still cannot fuckign believe that the argument that got megatron out of a for-sure death sentence or w/e was ‘its not a war crime if we’re on the moon’ liiiiike what the actual hell lmao

also I love that, once again, we see magnus’s strict adherence to the law, technicalities and all

magnus: you cant really stop a trial and move it somewhere else where the laws are better suited to the outcome you desire

prowl: what are you, a cop? fuck off

also op being like ‘ok whatever all that doesn't matter...what DOES matter is that it would look bad for us to move the trial to cybertron in an obvious attempt to circumvent the rules, and public perception is what’s most important, fuck all that ‘morality’ bullshit’

meanwhile, rodimus is dead! and ambulon is also dead, which makes first aid sad, which makes ME sad

ayyy, rodimus is still alive! well, one rodimus is alive, at least

rodimus and megatron really have the vibes of ‘stepfather and stepson forced to work together on a family road trip gone wrong after dad decided to sit this one out’ lmao

ah yes, ‘malaise’ the medical diagnostic term for ‘I don't feel so hot and idk why’ that practitioners like to throw under the ‘diagnostic notes’ section of lab orders to explain why they're ordering every blood test under the sun for a patient

I love medical terminology. ANYWAYS

BE NICE TO MY BOY MEGATRON.

rodimus: listen I have to come to terms with the fact that there's another version of me right here, and he’s DEAD, which means we can’t fuck, which is super lame

I firmly believe that rodimus would be team ‘hell yeah id have sex with my AU self’ tbh

I find it interesting that megatron is often casting blame for his actions onto others - here, he says that rodimus made him realize he doesn’t want to stop doing stuff w/his life, and then says that starscream forced his hand w/the whole ‘luna 2 law’ thing, and previously he’s said how whirl beating him up in jail is what led to him abandoning pacifism - take responsibility for your actions and decisions dude!

though he goes on to say here that he resorted to violence because he realized that the system that was in place could withstand everything else he would have tried to use to change it, which is super interesting

megatron: okay, yes, I MIGHT have murdered billions, but I could help find us a new planet, which would be baller, sooooo...how about you co-opt your lame son’s frat boy ship and put me in charge?

op: sounds fair to me. now how about we do some more Big Speeches before I make you somebody else’s problem

vbhdjskfbhaskdjf the ‘team rodimus’ lineup setup reminds me so much of the ‘together we make the ______’ meme with the different members being like, ‘the power’ ‘the gay’ ‘the awesome’ ‘the guy with no ears’ hbvhjdkfbs

chromedome: if I do this I could die

rodimus: that sounds like a you problem bro

‘this one time’ YEA RIGHT c'mon cd honor your dead husband’s wishes

omfg I forgot abt brainstorms ‘early early warning system’ lmao

I love nautica soooo much oh man

ooooof drift :( :( oh no

dead future rodimus!! uh oh is right

rodimus, known himbo: I'm sure I can defeat the inevitability of future events! all I have to do is cut my own arm off!

tailgateeeee he’s so cute...I love that he can tell stories of his daring escapades, just like at the beginning of mtmte, but this time its actually TRUE

OH SHITTTT GETAWAY

he looks so fucking sinister there lmao how are we NOT supposed to realize he has bad intentions from the get-go

‘you’ll make a prime one day’ well, getaway, you’re right about that at least...

cyclonus in the bg like 🤨🤔 at getaway

seriously I cant get over how getaway has such a slimy kinda vibe to him, like specifically in his interactions w/tailgate - this is before things even really take off but I'm still like TG GET AWAY (lol) FROM THIS GUY

cyclonus: somebody flirting with my crush? better go stare out a window instead of communicating absolutely anything to said crush about my feelings!

honestly I feel like, while megatron renouncing the decepticons and becoming an autobot is certainly interesting, it would be equally interesting for him to remain a decepticon but try to change the philosophy of the movement

like, I get why op had him give that speech - to prevent the cons from trying to free megs again/thinking that he was being coerced into things (ironic considered he WAS coerced into giving that speech) - but it’s kinda the easy way our for megatron - being able to completely abandon the decepticon cause and not deal with it at all, and start over anew as an autobot

it would've been a lot harder to remain a con and try to reform what he has broken in the decepticon movement - but I think that would've been really interesting

though from a writing logistics standpoint, I get why jro didn't go for that bc we don't get a lot of other decepticons in the cast for that to work, and also megatron still definitely DOES have to face down all his mistakes w/the decepticons w/the djd and overlord and whatnot

anyways. I cant believe that all megatron had to do to join the lost light was make ONE speech denouncing the decepticons. like, they should've at least had him do a tiktok dance too or something, just to make it a really tough deal

I love the rodpod vbhjfsdkfbjaskjndfj

ok but I still don't really get the logic of making megs CAPTAIN like ouch. poor rodimus

I feel like making megs a bartender at swerves or st would've been WAY more useful in showing him humility or w/e. OR it would've made him evil again, which, fair,

ratchet: don't worry, we’ll medically poison him, it’ll be fine

ok but rodimus is right, this is SO messy, op wants to prove his ex husband isn't 100% evil so he’s like ‘ill let my rebellious son deal with him’ lmao god. I love this setup so much, its so wild

ratchet is also right, rodimus’s fuckup definitely pales in comparison to megatrons All That

OH BRUTALLLLLLLL when ratchet says the list is fake ‘because my name’s not on it’ FUCKING OUCHHHHH

‘only bad guys say ‘unhand me” rodimus ily

omfg ‘we’ve practiced this’ of course they've done evacuation drills...magnus ily

lmao it’s the panel where it looks like rodimus and megatron are doing karaoke or having some sort of rap battle

and the lost light is GONE! oh shit!!!!

and there closes issue 30! once again we’ve gotten a lot of setup and exposition - which, while definitely necessary, means I don't have too much to say

I will say, throwing megatron onto the lost light has definitely mixed things up, and it’s interesting to see new dynamics already forming

so, until next time!

#lj rereads mtmte

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lliaq · 4 years

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okay, now that I’ve slept on it I’m actually gonna try to put down my thoughts on the season, so obvious TUA season 2 spoilers below and it’s probably going to get really long

Just to preface this, I haven’t read any of the comics, so I can’t speak to how the show compares to them.

Guess I’m gonna start with the positives, and I think what I enjoyed most about the season where just little moments between the siblings. Obvious standouts being Ben getting to talk to Vanya and Diego. I think those were the only two scenes that acutally made me tear up a bit. It was just really nice seeing him get that opportunity, and something that I’ve wanted to see since S1. It would have been even nicer if he got a moment with all his siblings, but hey, I’ll take what I can get. Another one was at the very end with Vanya and Diego just sitting on the stairs together. Just a nice little moment, even if it was short.

Luther apologizing to Vanya was a pleasant surprise and showed that he actually used his time alone to reflect and have a bit of character growth, so that was another plus.

I overall liked Allison and Ray’s relationship, and I was okay with the way it ended. It was kind of bittersweet, but it made sense and felt in character.

On that note, I also liked that Allison learned to achieve things without her powers, because never having to do that was kind of a big note of her character in S1. Not necessarily sure it had to be done by taking her voice away, I think if anything it would have been even better if she did it by choice, but I’ll get back to that.

I enjoyed the whole old Five vs “young” Five thing. Not much more to add to that, really.

And lastly, I enjoyed Reginal a lot more than I thought I would. It was interesting to see a bit of a different side of him when he was with Grace, felt like it gave his character a bit more depth, and I mean the actor is just fantastic. Like, I fucking despise Reginald, but it’s a joy to watch his performance. The way he went in on Diego at the dinner was fucking brutal, man. That was heartbreaking to watch, and the fact that none of the others stood up for him sucked, but honestly I think it just shows that despite them bonding a little, they still have a ways to go in terms of being a functional family. S1 didn’t span all that much time, and they were separated for most of their time in the 60s, so it makes sense that they’re still learning in that department. Them getting into the car with Vanya showed that they’re getting there though. Also, to get back to Reginald, I think they’ve made it pretty clear now that he’s an alien, so there’s that too. No more confusion about that.

Now on to the so-so stuff. Things that were neither all good nor all bad.

Vanya & Sissy - oh boy man. I mean first of all: give me that lesbian farm life, hell yes. I was rooting for them from the start, and I just really loved all their interactions. Also, idk if that was intentional on Ellen’s part or not, but her chemistry with Sissy was leagues above whatever the fuck was going on with Leonard. That being said- I’m personally not a fan of cheating storylines, just in general. I get why, in this case, but yeah. And unlike with Ray, I really wish they would have taken Sissy and Harlan with them to 2019. Because, for one: can we at least have one happy gay couple on this show? And second: They both deserved to have a life where they’re not constantly judged for who they are. From a character standpoint I get that going to the future would be really scary and shit, but just imagine man. Vanya and Sissy could have been together without having to hide, and Harlan could have vastly benefited from the better understanding of autism we have now. Not that either of those aspects are perfect in 2019, but they’re a long way from the 60s.

Diego and Lila’s relationship I honestly didn’t care much about. It felt like they just completely dismissed Patch and the impact her death had, by not even so much as giving her a mention. And I also just didn’t really feel it man. I mean they spent some time together in the asylum, but it seemed like they weren’t even friends really - and then by the end of the season they love each other, like girl, it’s been less than a week. Relax.

Lila on her own, I did kind of like, but I feel like she could have used a bit more development, and a little less ‘I had sex with this guy once like five days ago and now I love him more than anything’

Ben. Ben Ben Ben. I was kind of up and down on his arc. I actually liked that he was just so done with Klaus’ shit, even if calling Dave a fling might have crossed the line a bit for me. Some of the posession stuff was weird (though I’m glad they at least had the ground rules talk), but at the same time getting to see him experience the most basic sensations like air on his face and dirt under his feet was nice. He did also save the world through the power of communication and love, so you know- good job, Ben. And then they killed him (again). Ngl, I was pissed at that- but I figured they would probably find a way to bring him back somehow, so I held off judgement on that until the end, and I was right. Still not entirely happy, and whether or not that’s going to change will likely depend on what happens with S3.

Klaus’ cult story line was kind of eh. I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t really like it either. His attempts to save Dave were more interesting, even if they ultimately didn’t work. Other than that, he didn’t really go through any growth this season. It did piss me off that Allison enabled his drinking after he relapsed. Fuck that.

I’m glad we got to see a little bit of how Allison losing her voice affected her, but I think they could have done more there. Idk, it just felt a bit lackluster for something so huge. Like I mentioned earlier, her living a life of never actually having to work for anything was something that shaped her character and personality in S1, and I‘m glad she’s had that realization. That being said, I think it would have been even more impactful if she worked for what she wanted w/o using her powers by choice, showing that she was was willing to put in the effort to grow and change, rather than being forced into it by circumstance. But you know, sometimes life works like that, and people don’t change unless they’re forced into a situation where they have no other option.

And, somewhat related, I think the last point for this section is Allison and Vanyas relationship. While I’m glad that they’re closer now, I wish they would have at least adressed Vanya slitting her throat. I understand that Allison doesn’t blame her, we already saw that at the end of S1, but c’mon. At least have a short conversation about it, because that was a big thing. It feels like they just used that to fuel the ‘Allison needs to learn how to do things without her powers’ storyline, and then it just got dropped, never to be mentioned again. The show tends to do that a lot, and it completely diminishes the impact of these big moments.

Okay, now to the purely negatives, here we go.

Luther moping over Allison. For the love of god. Listen, Luther did grow on me this season, compared to S1 - but I was so fed up with his moping around. Can we just not do the incest thing anymore, please. I already went through that shit with Shadowhunters (except there it at least wasn’t actually incest), I don’t wanna do it again.

Harlan. I honestly did not care for him at all. That being said, I usually don’t care about child characters, so that’s not a big surprise and not necessarily the show’s fault. But also, the fuck even was that storyline. I’m sorry, but it just made no sense. Which actually leads me right to the next point

Inconsistently written powers. Diego doing the thingy with the bullets like since when tf can he do that? I understand that the show already changed his powers from the comics, but up until that point it was strictly about knives. We never see him curve or manipulate (or whatever it is he actually does) any other objects, so this just felt so random and out of nowhere, and like they just wanted to give him a ‘badass powers moment’. If they wanted to indicate that his powers were more than what we’ve seen in S1, literally all they had to do was have him use them on something that’s not a knife at any point in the season. A 2 second shot, done. And then you don’t get to the finale and are suddenly like “the fuck”. But, boy, Vanya was even worse. Sounds. That’s what we learn her powers are in S1. Sounds, she manipulates sounds and sound waves. So how in the everliving fuck does she a) bring someone back to life, b) tranfser part of her powers to that person and create a magical connection, and c) take that part of her powers back? None of that makes any sense whatsover. The stuff in S1 where she’s sucking the life out of her siblings was already a stretch, but they’ve just made it worse this season. And this is just a minor gripe with the VFX, but her floating out of the barn looked so bad. I know it’s hard to make floating/flying people look good and natural, but other shows and movies have done it, so it’s not like it’s impossible.

And lastly: The villains. They were terrible, period.

I don’t like the Handler that much, she’s just so...plain and boring and really the only thing she has going for her are the outfits. Nice outfits don’t make a good story though. But the Swedes were even worse. Just every scene they were in felt like it dragged and I just wanted to skip past it. And then they have the fucking funeral scene with swedish Adele like are you kidding me? Am I supposed to feel bad for these pieces of white toast with zero personality or development? ??? Honestly, they could have cut them out completely and replaced them with more development for Lila and I would have been perfectly happy with that. Or replaced them with literally anything else. I don’t think I would have felt like I was missing anything important. Also, AJ? What was up with that? Again, haven’t read the comics so idk if he’s a big deal or not in them, but I really thought he would play a bigger role. That felt like such a waste of a character and like what even was the point?

I really feel like AoS (esp. S1-4) raised my bar for well written and developed villains. Admittedly, a 22 episode season allows for a lot more time to actually do that than a 10 episode season, but still. If you have less time to develop characters, then you need tighter writing and TUA completely dropped the ball on that one.

Okay. I think that’s it. I mean, I probably forgot a bunch of stuff, but these were the things most prominently on my mind after letting everything sink in for a bit. Overall I’m pretty meh about the season as a whole. I’ll probably watch S3 (if they renew it, that is), but I’m not super hyped about it or anything. The only thing keeping me interested are sibling interactions and the Ben reveal (even though his emo hair is an atrocity. I’m sorry Ben, I love you, but no.)

#tua #tua spoilers #boy this got longer than I thought it would

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laurent-ofvere · 4 years

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Pet peeve: ancel is more dimensional than a slutty twink. 🤷🏼‍♂️ yes he’s extra the nth degree and is flirty as all out, but he’s multi dimensional in my opinion. I feel like there’s more to him than being are willing to delve into. They just see this sassy, red headed man who likes shiny thinks and innuendos. Remember, he knew what his life was, he was terrified of being replaced—not out of vanity (which yeah, he is) but he knew he’d die if he was ousted from court. I seriously love him

ANCEL PT 2: as I said, I seriously love him. I just wish people would portray him a little more intelligently rather than some prissy, Ginger peacock that just bitches about Berenger’s wardrobe (which I know he does.) Idk I’m probably just being a bitch about it but you asked for peeves 🤷🏼‍♂️

i really love this ask bc something ive mentioned a few times is that i love when side characters have a little bit of detail to them - just enough that you can create your own diverse stories but it wont read like projection bc you’re pulling on whats already there, and ancel is the perfect character for that. ive personally just never really bothered to write him all that much for no particular reason (odd bc hes totally up my street) so its not that i only see him as a slutty flirt, i just hadn’t bothered to go deeper than that. (i suppose its reminiscent of my aimeric standpoint) you raise a good point and im honestly genuinely curious if people dont make that distinction with him or if they just dont care to.

#asks

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rooflizards · 5 years

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thoughts on voltron s8. spoilers!

in general, i liked the ending of voltron, there’s just some specific things i really... don’t like about it.

firstly, while i have no problem at all with allurance, i don’t like the way they went about their relationship. allura didn’t really show any interest towards lance in the beginning, and eventually it seemed like it definitely was Not going to be a thing. which i’m fine either way! it just seems like they kept changing their mind about it which makes me appreciate it less than i could have.

that being said, they still had some really good moments and i appreciate it for what it was, just nitpicking i guess. they were still a cute couple and i wish they had more time together

i’m even fine with the fact that allura had to sacrifice herself, but i really don’t like that everyone was just like “damn ok bye” with hardly any hesitation, when they were supposed to be family. throughout it all the only person who ever seemed to care much about what happened to allura was lance and even then idk... he wasn’t even as upset about it as he should have been either imo

also i’m really confused about the altean marks on lance and what they mean also? i think it’s cool but i don’t get it idk

the thing that bothers me the most though? all the queerbaiting

i am VERY happy that shiro found love and got married. don’t think for one second i’m not grateful for that. but, idk we seemed to be promised a lot more. i’m NOT blaming anyone for it, but, still, it’s how i feel

it’s amazing to have such a strong character as gay representation and i appreciate voltron for that, but the way they hyped up adam when he was a thing and the way that they promised us about how happy we’d be with representation makes me feel really unfulfilled. there are far more references to het aligned romances than to others, and i really think it would have been nice to show at least some other confirmed gay relationship or confirm a character as not straight. again, just nitpicking really- i’m super happy for what we did get, i just wish we had more than just one little scene at the end and what we had of adam, and the weird klance moments, and possibly ezor and zethrid moments?

i’m still wondering why there were moments between keith and lance that were DEFINITELY romantically coded. like, if you compare it to hunk and shay’s interactions, which were pretty directly addressed as romantic, they’re pretty damn similar. and i’m not saying they had to get together! i honestly don’t give a damn either way, but, from a representation standpoint, as great as these moments were on their own, i feel like it would have been nice if they were addressed more directly. even keith and allura kinda had their moments which seemed romantic- granted, one-sided on allura’s side, but still. plus veronica had a crush on keith too, and matt on allura. wtf! why couldn’t there be one instance besides shiro’s and what we got of zethrid’s?

i guess it just bothers me how heterosexual romances are always constantly directly referenced in media but when it comes to any others they limit it to subte hints and maybe one or two key moments (like shiro and adam and shiro’s wedding)

it wouldn’t be as huge of a deal to me if they didn’t act like they were gonna be full to the brim of representation. what we got was fine and more than i’d usually expect, they just... got my hopes up i guess

#rant #voltron #vld #vld s8 #vld s8 spoilers #represenation...?

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raiswanson · 7 years

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Tagged by @typeaadventures, thaaanks!

1. Which book has been on your shelves the longest?

*helpless shrug* Hell if I know. I started building my bookshelf sort of all at once so it’s a bit fuzzy on what I put in there first. One of the earliest I remember buying is my box set of the first three books of Ranger’s Apprentice. So that’s what we’ll go with for now I suppose lol

2. What is your current read, your last read and the book you’ll read next?

Uhhhh I’m always reading like 4 different books at once (or not reading them, as if the current case) but the one I’m most invested in right now is The Last Wish. Love me some Witcher.

Last book read wassssss...The Hollow Boy, I think. Of the Lockwood & Co series (which is great and I highly recommend ;o)

Next on the list would be Luck in the Shadows....if I can ever get my rear and gear and read more than once a blue moon hahaha

3. Which book does everyone like and you hated?

This one is hard to answer because I’m struggling to think of any books I’ve read that “everyone” liked OR hated. I usually grab books at random in 2nd hand bookstores or sale racks so usually no one else has read what I have. >.o hm.

I really don’t know. It’s kind of hard to think up a book I hate in the first place. The Historian? Let’s go with that. I know a few people at least liked that one and I LOATHED it. (SPOILERS, build up for a big showdown with Dracula through the entire book, then meet and kill him in like one page. Incredible.)

4. Which book do you keep telling yourself you’ll read, but you probably won’t?

Twilight’s Dawn, because after learning what happens to certain characters I don’t think my heart can take it. :’l

5. Which book are you saving for “retirement?”

Is....is this a thing? What does this mean. I’m definitely not putting off any books for a deliberate span of time...if that’s what this is asking?

6. Last page: read it first or wait till the end?

Sometimes I’ll poke the final chapter a bit if I get invested in a character and want to see if they stick around to the end, but for the most part I don’t skip ahead any farther than what I’ve read already. Kinda spoils the fun a bit to know the end when you’re only in chapter 3?

7. Acknowledgements: waste of ink and paper or interesting aside?

Do I usually read them? No. Do I think they’re a waste? Also no. It’s a nice thing for the people it’s relevant to. Which isn’t me. I have no problem skipping them.

8. Which book character would you switch places with?

Jack from the Dragonback series. I would 100% be down to host a neat dimensional-warping space dragon on my skin. No problem. Hop on buddy.

9. Do you have a book that reminds you of something specific in your life (a person, a place, a time)?

The first generation of Warriors books make me think of Middle School but otherwise, nah

10. Name a book you acquired in some interesting way.

Uh. As boring as it is, I’ve acquired my book the old-fashioned way of buying them or receiving them as gifts for birthdays/Christmas. I guess there’s always me hopping between like 4 bookstores trying to get a copy of The Little Prince? *sweats* I do not live an exciting life. Sorry.

11. Have you ever given away a book for a special reason to a special person?

Nope. I’m the only one in my circle with a great love of books so I don’t think anyone would appreciate a book as a gift from me lol

12. Which book has been with you to the most places?

...you know how I said I was boring. Yeah. I don’t take books with me places. I don’t go anywhere that I’d have time to read while there.

13. Any “required reading” you hated in high school that wasn’t so bad ten years later?

No. Hell no. I enjoyed Timeline when I read it, and hated every other book I had to read. And to this day I maintain that each of those disasters can fuck off. :V

14. What is the strangest item you’ve ever found in a book?

....this list is just turning into a rude account of how boring I am. I’ve never found anything in books except for fairly normal bookmarks. TTwTT

15. Used or brand new?

I prefer brand new or as close to new as possible, mostly because I like my bookshelf to look nice and am not fond of having to be careful with a book for fear of it falling apart. But I don’t pass up a used book if its in good shape.

16. Stephen King: Literary genius or opiate of the masses?

He’s....alright??? I don’t think I’ve actually read a single one of his books. I know that I snub the majority of his writing tips that I see tossed around here though. Definitely not my kind of author. But if you love him then good for you pal.

17. Have you ever seen a movie you liked better than the book?

I haven’t read Stardust yet, but from what I’ve seen I don’t think I’ll like the book as much as the movie lol. Not from a quality standpoint or anything, just from the way I’ve heard the book is much, much more tragic :C

18. Conversely, which book should NEVER have been introduced to celluloid?

I’ll give you a hint. It involves a blue dragon with a name like a gemstone.

Why was it so bad. Why.

19. Have you ever read a book that’s made you hungry, cookbooks being excluded from this question?

....no?

20. Who is the person whose book advice you’ll always take?

Honestly most of the time I’m the one giving book advice. As I said before I’m really the only one in my group that reads that much. I’ve loved what few books my friend @ghostmumbles has suggested to me though ;p

Ummmmmm for tagging idk who I’ve seen do this one so I’m just tagging who I can think of. If you’ve done it already and I tag you, I guess just ignore this lol @tundra-tiger @otramble @the-average-procrastinator @h-brook-writes @authorloremipsum @throughthemarshes @prycarious @helenpowers @scribbledwriting @tangledlinescrumpledpaper @crispyninjadonut @silenceleaflin OKAY IS THAT EVERYBODY??? I THINK IT IS? WE COOL? COOL.

#tag Rai #I AM SO DAMN BORING I'M SORRY #THIS IS WHY I ONLY TALK ABOUT MY STORIES #IT'S ALL I'VE GOT TO TALK ABOUT #NOTHING HAPPENS TO ME IRL #LIKE OH YOU WANNA HEAR HOW I'M DOING???#UH WELL GEE #LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY DENTIST APPT LAST MONTH I GUESS #THAT'S ALL I'VE GOT #I DON'T DO THINGS #I'M SORRY ;O;

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rukiad · 7 years

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Detective Conan Q’s

Just to celebrate chapter 1000 (and kind of keep an archive for myself) I figured I’d answer these questions haha

How did you get into Detective Conan, and what was your first case? I remember I first saw Detective Conan when my twin brothers were watching it out in our living room (I think around 2010/2011?). It was A Haunted Mansion Murder Case that they were watching at the time, and at first I wasn’t too interested but eventually I just sat down and watched it with them. I then fell in love with the series and binge watched the entire thing... now my brothers aren’t into the series but only I am pretty much haha.

How far along are you in the manga/anime/movies? Caught up with manga, on episode 857 of the anime and have seen everything except Movie 21.

What is your favourite DC trope? (A recurring quote, action, joke etc.) Honestly Conan saying “Ba~ro!” makes the entire situation 10000000% better

Who is your favourite male character (+ a scene he appears in)? AHHH such a hard decision... I guess I really would say Conan/Shinichi. I mean just his personality and character development appeal to me, so yeah... As for a scene he appears in, I absolutely love the scene after the Shiragami arc where he has to cut and pin back up his sweater bc he couldn’t stop holding hands with Ran after he changed back into Conan... <3

Who is your favourite female character (+ a scene she appears in)? ALSO HARD DECISION BUT IT STILL WOULD HAVE TO BE RAN. My queen. The light of my life. Out of all the scenes I love of her kicking butt a scene I really like of her is when she saves Haibara from Vermouth’s gunshot after the Halloween Party Case... any scene with her caring for Haibara honestly... I need that in my life

Which character would you most want as a sidekick? Haibara definitely. I need her sass and smarts

Which character would you least want as an enemy? Akai... he would be terrifying as an enemy D:

What is your most memorable Black Organization moment? Probably the scene of Gin shooting Haibara after she tuned into Shiho on the snowy rooftop during the Reunion with the Black Organization case. That scene gives me chills...!!

What is your favourite/most memorable case? AH AGAIN SO HARD TO CHOOSE FAVORITES... most memorable for me would be.. Moonlight Sonata Murder Case... Mountain Villa Bandaged Man Murder Case is also up there!

Have you memorised any DC quotes by heart? What is your favourite/most memorable quote? “There is always only one truth!” of course... also “Zero is where everything starts! Nothing would ever be born if we didn't depart from there... and nothing would ever be achieved!” and “Is a reason necessary? I don't know why you would kill someone, but as for saving someone... a logical mind isn't needed, right?” ...I must love Shinichi’s quotes lol. I really love Ran’s quote “Courage is a word of justice!” too... I like too many quotes from this series...

Which character do you least and/or most identify with? I most identify with... Haibara I suppose. As much as I love Ran I don’t really identify with her haha.

What are some interesting facts/trivia you’ve learned from the series? Don’t know about trivia... but I’ve definitely heard about a lot of traditional Japanese stories through DC!

If you were to take the place of any one character, who would it be and why? I would take the place of Agasa I think. Knowing everything but just helping out wherever I can (usually just driving places lol) but not being directly involved in combat most of the time haha... I’m too lazy to fight

If you were to form your own Detective Boys squad, who are 5 characters you’d choose to join the team? Oooh! Hmm... Haibara, Ran, Kazuha, Sera, Sonoko... all the queens in one place

Which is your favourite movie? MOVIE 4 MOVIE 4 MOVIE 4

What plot twist shocked you the most so far? Probably... the whole fact that Akai, Sera and Shuuichi are siblings... I figured out that Mary was their mother p much from when she was introduced but... that she was the sister of Elena?? WHA... so Haibara and Akemi are their cousins... Oh my goodness is everyone related lol

Which cases and/or trick(s) did you find to be most impressive? Maybe... the Old Blue Castle Investigation Case? I love mansions with secret passages lol

If you could have any of Conan’s gadgets, which would it be? Power enhancing kick shoes... easier way to defend myself lol

If you could revive any one of the deceased characters, who would it be? I think a lot of people in the fandom would say Akemi... and I would too BRING HER BACK :’(

Which recurring character do you wish would get more screen time? HAHAHA SHINICHI... but in all seriousness maybe Sato/Takagi

Favourite OP and ED from the anime? Favorite opening... #3, Nazo....!! I always sang along and didn’t skip the opening when it was Nazo lol. Favorite ending would be #30, Summer Memories... oh my goodness I loved that ending it made me emotional lol

What’s your top pick for the most terrifying moment in the series? Probably when Conan was supposedly stabbed when he protected Ran during the Naniwa Serial Murder Case...

What’s your top pick for the most heartbreaking moment in the series? When Haibara was clinging onto Conan crying asking why he hadn’t deduced earlier where her sister was so he could have saved her... I cry every time...

Name a trick/case you solved before Conan did! Ohh I don’t know if there are any of those... lol I’m “smart” from a grading standpoint but I never really try to work out cases before Conan. Sometimes I have an idea of who it is but I never find out until the end, so...

Have you ever sympathised with a murderer’s motive? If so, which one? ...Not really no. I would never kill someone, no matter how much I “hate” them so I don’t really understand that whole mentality.

Put yourself in the victim’s shoes. Name a case that you would least want to be the victim of. Definitely Mountain Villa Bandaged Man Murder Case... I wouldn’t want to be cut into several pieces then stuffed in someone’s fatsuit, heck no!!

Besides Detective Conan, what’s another detective story/series you’d recommend? For some reason I haven’t really delved deeply into other detective stories... but my mother really enjoys The Mentalist so I’d recommend it

What other anime/series would make for your dream crossover with the DC universe? I’m not good with creating crossovers... idk how it would work but maybe Kekkai Sensen or Death Note?? I know a lot of people like the Ace Attorney/DC crossover

If you could ask Gosho Aoyama one question, what would it be? How much longer does Ran have to wait... T_T

What’s something you hope to see happen in the series? Obvious one is ShinRan development/kiss... and with file 1000 we seem to be getting closer...!!

If you could change one thing about the series, what would it be? Have Eri more involved in the series in general haha

What are your speculations about the end of the series? (And how would you end it?) Ahh too much to think about... I hope it will end happily, with everyone alive and hopefully with all of their limbs. Since I’m sappy I would end it with reuniting/uniting of many ships... lol

#dcmk #dc #personal #ignore #long post

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aph-poland · 7 years

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It may make you angry, but I'm from Poland and I can't stand the fluffy-pinky-gay image of my country in Hetalia fandom. We're one of the most traditionalist country in the EU, a man would be probably beaten if he went outside in a fucking skirt. It sounds still ridiculous for me that two people of the same gender can marry, because it's illegal here.

Wow um, that doesn’t really make me angry i guess just?? a little taken off guard by this weirdly hostile ask out of nowhere lol. But here’s what I have to say:

I’m not sure how long you’ve been familiar with my blog or if u just decided to yell at a hetalian today and chose me at random, but I wouldn’t really classify myself as a fan of the “fluffy-pinky-gay image” of APH Poland either tbh. It actually makes me really upset when people just want to stereotype him as such based on the image that the fandom has dubbed for him, and instead overlook all of his history, struggles, triumphs, culture, and basically everything “Polish” about him. If you knew me you’d know I’m actually one of the most angry and disappointed people in the fandom at this because it constantly infuriates me with the way he gets categorized simply by the way hima drew him.

Idk there is so much to address in this ask I’m struggling to try and write this as eloquently as possible but forgive me i’m doing this at work so i may sound a lil jumbled. The deal is, it’s actually pretty problematic when people want to erase all that Feliks is and represents and just paint him up as “the gay character” or “transv****te cross-dresser” simply because he wore a skirt in a strip that made him fit that stereotype. There is so much potential to his character as far as depth and exploration goes that is often horribly skewed or ignored by other hetalians in favor of just reducing him down to “fabulous valley girl.” And to be quite honest its pretty ooc, but thats more of a different topic for another time.

Don’t get me wrong, I have a few qualms with hima myself and some of the problematic content that he’s decided to include in hetalia, but if you pay attention to Canon Feliks vs Fanon Feliks, you’ll notice alot of the “fluffy-pinky-gay image” has been forced onto him by young (lowkey homophobic) fans. The way Feliks acts in canon (if you take away the over-use of the “valley girl accent” that the translator chose to assign to him to match w/e Japanese dialect hima was trying to give him) you could actually interpret many things differently. By doing so, it’s much easier to see how strong, tough, charismatic, loyal, trusting, and deep he actually is. You see his strengths, his faults, his mistakes, his victories, his growth as a character, nation, and person over the years. You can see moments of happiness, sorrow, silliness, seriousness, moments of weakness, moments of power, moments of worry, moments of confidence, love, hate, regret, revenge, but above all...perseverance. So trust me, it makes me just as confused and angry when people want to ignore what a diverse -if not somewhat ironic/conflicting- character he is and instead change him around to fit what they want to see him as. I wish he was treated with more respect.

However

I understand how traditional the “real’ Poland is, believe me. I’ve been in this fandom for many years and you’re not the first “””real polish person”” I’ve seen get angry over aph poland. You’re not alone.

The thing about hetalia though, is that it is just an anime. All told through the views and thoughts of a japanese man. The story is intended to be a light comedy making fun of nationality stereotypes while simultaneously celebrating the history, culture, and people of each said nation. The intention, as I’ve also taken it (or choose to take it anyway), is to take the setup for these lovable, flawed characters, and kind of???? have fun with them per say...

People are free to interpret things, events, practices, and the characters themselves how they choose (generally speaking anyways). I think there’s nothing wrong with that as long as it’s respectful and not gross in anyway (again, another topic). So therefore, there’s nothing wrong with headcanoning Feliks as being gay. I understand how “the real poland” is set up and what their laws are (though I don’t claim to be an expert or openly discuss them as I am not polish nor do i live there, so i feel that is not my place) but there are so many other things to take into consideration before you come off as homophobic yourself.

One thing to consider, is how the same thing could be said for well over half the nations. To claim that a hetalia character “can’t be gay” because of politicians and a government party’s standpoint is pointless and irrelavent tbh. I’ve always felt it?? weird to try and tie a nation down to a specific time period or law when they’ve been around for literally centuries, and have witnessed and believed in all different type of social norms and morals and laws that evolve and change as time progresses. Its actually pretty closed-minded to expect thousand year old nations to buy into every single detail of present-day customs and viewpoints. Many of the more conservative viewpoints of many nations around the world are relatively new ideas as far as strict practice goes in comparison to the personified character themselves. Something that’s been an enforced idea for the last 50 years or so could just feel like a month or two to an immortal being lmao. But again, I believe most of it is up to interpretation.

I don’t want to speak for the lgbt in poland, or any polish lgbt throughout history as i don’t feel i have the right or enough adequate knowledge to do so, but a hetalia nation is supposed to be sympathetic to and feel the struggles and pain and happiness and glory of all their citizens. Regardless of what the political standpoint of the country is on (I personally believe nations choose not to align themselves with political parties in general as a conflict of interest would ensue) hima has stated time and again that the nations also have the ability to be their own person, and have their own views and standpoints on things that might not match the “majority” of the current political climate (ex. Germany himself was shown to be annoyed with and hated dealing with Adolf Hitler). So it’s not really fair to pretend like a nation has never-looked-at-the-same-gender allllll throughout history just like it’s silly to presume that all people are StraightTM until proven otherwise.

Canon APH Poland, Feliks Łukasiewicz, the man who likes pink, the man who doesn’t care about gender norms or what kind of fabric he puts on his body because he’s old and has obtained a certain level of nation wisdom enough to know that not only is gender a construct and there’s nothing shameful about “””feminine clothing”””” (even though clothes are just pieces of fabric meant to cover your body and dont have genders lol), but has also seen all kinds or fashion and different types of clothing all throughout history and has worn frilly neck ties, jewelry, heels, makeup, and capes back when those were once considered to be “”masculine”” at that time period as well and remembers how fucking good he used to look in that shit and after all he’s been through knows that he has the right to rock w/e the fuck he wants, the man who historically, legally, culturally, and personally married to another man, the man who still remembers his childhood before he even heard of Christianity, the man who had one of the most tolerant and flourishing commonwealths in history, the man who has such strong ties to the romantic period and who, as a nation, is much more complicated than mortal humans could ever hope to understand........is absolutely wonderful.

Now I’m sorry that lgbt representation and rights is lacking in Poland at the moment, as it is all over the world. Truly I am, and it makes me upset. I don’t know if you share those same homophobic and hateful views (your tone implies that you do), but the fight and struggle of the lgbt people is far to complicated and powerful to use as a playing chip on a silly Japanese cartoon, and i think basing a headcanon off of prejudice and hate like that is disrespectful to the nation, and to bringing that into a cartoon is disrespectful to the lgbt struggle as well and belittles it all tbh. But as i said before, that topic is best left for another day.

I’m sorry you felt so insulted by a cartoon character to come to my inbox about it, as if i have any control of what this fandom does to him, but I try to just look past all the forced, fanon garbage to see feliks for what he really is. A strong, tough, talented, complicated, fearless, resilient, yet still endlessly sarcastic, funny, mischievous person.

Do you not think that is a good tribute to the Polish people?

#long post #aph poland #idk man i love the guy so #if u really hate him that much dont??? watch it???#i prolly sound all over the place and maybe spoke out of turn but #hey i finished this before i had to leave!!#yay!!#Anonymous

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stillgeekingout · 7 years

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iiiiiiit’s time for another chapter of the ultimate aaron milverton crossover fic!

this one got obnoxiously long but bear with me. also, you have to have read part 2 of shannen’s secret santa fic for rachel for parts of it to make sense.

previous: 1 here, 2 here, 3 here, 4 here, 5 here, 6 here

A week after returning to DC, Zoe Lasnammer got a phone call from a girl.

“Hello?”

“Zoe! Is that you?”

It wasn’t Hera-- they hadn’t actually exchanged numbers, and Zoe had decided not to stalk her on facebook (no sense getting a crush on a girl who lived so many states away). So she had put away the pink ladies jacket, a keepsake from an enjoyable weekend and nothing more.

“Sorry, who is this?” Zoe asked. The girl’s voice sounded familiar, but she talked to a lot of people because of work so that didn’t help to narrow anything down.

“It’s me! Violet!”

“Violet…?” She tried to rack her brain for someone she may have talked to recently.

“Violet Hunter! Remember? I saved your life from a bus?”

“Wait--the alien girl?” Zoe couldn’t believe that this girl she barely knew would actually be contacting her two years after their brief meeting.

“I told you I’d call if I was ever in DC again!” Violet sounded excited. “Anyway--”

“How did you get this number?”

“I just moved here with my wife and husband,” Violet went on as if Zoe hadn’t said anything, “and I was thinking we should get lunch or something!” Zoe vaguely remembered the girl telling her something about a proposal in the works. Must’ve worked out, she thought.

“Violet, listen, I… enjoyed meeting you but I don’t know if--”

“How about tomorrow? I’ll meet you on your lunch break. You don’t have to bring the aliens.” And with that, Violet hung up.

Zoe stared at her phone, unsure what exactly had just happened.

------

To: Aaron Milverton

Subject: Checking in

Hey bro, how’s everything going? I haven’t heard from you since the con, I want to know all the awesome stuff you and your chapter are achieving!

-Chad

The email from Chad came almost exactly one month after Aaron realized he had feelings for him. It had been a month of moving forward, of settling into his brand new Orlando B4B chapter, and most importantly, of attempting to distract himself from thoughts of Chad. He had almost started succeeding at it, too, before Chad apparently felt the urge to “check in” with him. Which meant that Chad was thinking about him. Which meant that of course Aaron would have to spend the rest of the day thinking about Chad thinking about him. All that progress, right down the drain.

It wasn’t like he had intended to cut Chad out of his life. But how was he supposed to carry on a friendship with Chad if the whole time he was thinking about how pretty (and unavailable) he was? How would he even go about starting that conversation? Hey dude, sorry I acted so weird before, it’s just that every time I see you or think about you I get all flustered and have to lie down. But it’s cool, what’s up with you? What a disaster.

Now, though, here was Chad breaking the awkward month-long silence. He had cared enough to reach out to Aaron and ask about his life. Even with romantic feelings set aside, Aaron found it reassuring that he hadn’t been imagining Chad wanting to be friends with him beyond just organizing the con. If only he could get over himself and enjoy that friendship for what it was.

He decided to text Kate. Ever since she found out that he hadn’t told her about his correspondence with Chad the first time around, she had been giving him a hard time about keeping secrets from her. Maybe she’d have advice. Either way, it’d make her feel like he was including her.

so chad emailed me

?????????

aaron you can’t just say that and not follow up with details

hellooooo

he just said he wanted to “check in” on my new chapter

idk what to say back

talk to him!!!

ok but. how.

tell him about the chapter you dork

He started typing “why, it’s not like that’ll change his mind about anything” then deleted it. Then he typed “idk if I really want to be friends with him when I’m finally starting to” and stopped again. Starting to what? Get over him? Stop thinking about him? Both of those went out the window as soon as he saw that email. His phone vibrated as he was typing his third attempt.

stop overthinking it bc I know that’s what you’re doing

Aaron smiled.

can’t help it

I know.

I think you’ll regret losing a potential friendship

but idk, if you really don’t think you can handle it maybe just break it off

that makes me sound so fragile lol

um, are you not?

shut up

stop texting me and write the damn email aaron

He sighed and tossed his phone aside.

Chad,

He watched his cursor blink on the screen for several minutes, then closed his email and opened a word document. He had seen enough movies to know never to write an “I’m not actually going to send this” email somewhere it could be sent accidentally.

Chad,

I don’t know if I’m happy to hear from you. I keep telling myself you’re just a crush and I’ll get over it soon, but it feels like more than that sometimes. I’ve had some weird dating experiences in the past… or I guess just the one. I told you a little about my ex-girlfriend (who I usually try not to think about) but what I didn’t tell you is that she was involved in my cousin’s murder, and she was basically using me to investigate him. It’s a long story, but I really liked her and it was hard to move on from that knowing that I never meant anything to her except evidence. So anyway ever since then I’ve just been extra cautious, I guess.

It’s kind of scary to like someone again, and I’m not sure if it makes it worse or better knowing ahead of time that the person in question isn’t going to want to date me. It does make me feel better that you’re not dating anyone, not just rejecting me specifically. I don’t know if I ever stood a chance with you, or if you even like guys, but I selfishly don’t want to have to imagine you with someone else.

That sounds really creepy. I’m sorry. It’s a really good thing I’m not actually going to send this.

Anyway, um, give me some time to decide if I still want to be friends. I do, logically, but we’ll see if I can stop thinking about your eyes and hair and smile and voice every time I’m reminded of you.

Time to write my normal email that I’m actually gonna send.

-Aaron

He closed word and opened his email again, feeling like he had gotten all the hard stuff out of the way.

Chad,

So good to hear from you-- thanks for following up! We’re doing really well here, we just started a beach clean-up project along with a few high schools along the coast that already have cleaning days set in place. Also, B4B is a registered club at UCF now so we’ve teamed up with them for some new initiatives…

He went on to describe everything his chapter had been doing since the con, taking care not to get too personal in case Chad really did just want to check in from a service standpoint. He finished the email with “what about you, how are things on your end? -Aaron” and sent it before he could over analyze it too much.

------

“Zoe! Hey, Zoe!”

Zoe was greeted at the steps of her job by an excitedly waving Violet Hunter. She sighed. She knew Violet’s heart was (probably) in the right place, but she didn’t overly feel like befriending this girl who was convinced that Blair and Alex were aliens (and who had stalked her to the point of finding out her phone number, the location she worked and the time of her lunch break).

“Hey, Violet,” she said. “I guess I won’t bother to ask how you found me.”

“You could,” said Violet proudly. “I did it alone, Sherlock lives here now too but she never helps me with this stuff.”

“Okay?” Zoe didn’t know who Sherlock was, and she didn’t actually want to know how Violet tracked her down.

“So, lunch?” Violet said brightly. “Sorry Eliza and John couldn’t make it, I wanted them to meet you. That’s my wife and husband.”

“Um, right. Hey, congratulations on that,” said Zoe, suddenly feeling very single next to a girl with two spouses.

“Thanks! I still wish we could’ve had Blair’s alien fountain magic for the proposal but I’m mostly just glad I didn’t have to do it.”

“There’s a sandwich place around the corner,” Zoe said, not wanting to talk about Blair with Violet.

“Great!” Violet started walking, and Zoe had to skip a little to catch up.

“So, what brings you to DC?” Zoe asked, figuring if Violet was going to insist on hanging out they might as well get to know each other.

“John and Eliza are working at the Smithsonian. And I’m sort of helping Sherlock.”

“Oh, ok.” She didn’t know where to go from there. She still didn’t know who Sherlock was.

“How are Blair and Alex?” Violet asked, narrowing her eyes. “Are you still their companion?”

“Again, I wouldn’t phrase it like that… but they’re fine.”

“And how does your family feel about you living with aliens?”

“Um, it’s just my mom. And she doesn’t know.”

“Ohhhh,” Violet said, then whispered, “Would she compromise the mission?”

“What? No,” said Zoe. “There is no mission.”

“Riiiiight,” said Violet, and winked. “Ooh, is this it? Yum.” They had reached the sandwich shop.

Zoe made small talk for the rest of lunch, but she was distracted by what Violet had said. It was a bit odd, she realized, that she had been living with Alex and Blair in DC for over two years and her mom still thought they were humans. Zoe had introduced them a couple times when her mom was visiting, but she never let them interact with her for long and she made sure Alex used the same human form every time. Her mom had a hard enough time figuring out “they” pronouns, how would she process the truth about Zoe’s godly friends?

But on the other hand, Zoe was used to telling her mom everything. This was such a big secret, one she had gotten used to keeping, but would she just continue it for the rest of her life? It was bad enough being so far away from her mom. Not being able to share every silly thing her friends said or did without heavily filtering her stories was draining after a while.

Zoe couldn’t believe it had taken a very confused (but well-meaning) conspiracy theorist stalker to make her see sense, but she resolved to tell her mom the truth while she was home for Thanksgiving. And at the end of lunch, she found herself agreeing to meet up with Violet again later that week.

------

Aaron,

Sounds fire! I’m really happy for you that you found a good group of people. We’ve been so blessed throughout this whole thing. I feel completely sure now that Blair is watching over us and that she’s proud of us. You indirectly gave me that knowledge through holding the con, and I continue to be grateful for it.

Anyway, enough about B4B, how are you? How’s Kate? How are your parents and Madison? Do they miss you?

-Chad

Aaron read the email several times. Chad continuing to thank him was silly. He owed Aaron no thanks, considering he had started everything in the first place. None of them would have been able to meet Blair, let alone know who she was, without his dedication. More than that, though, it struck him that Chad remembered not only Kate but his little sister’s name and cared enough to ask about both of them.

This time, he didn’t feel the need to write a fake response.

My family’s doing pretty well, I think. I’m going to visit for Thanksgiving so that should be good. Maybe they miss having me around but honestly Orlando is closer to Jacksonville than Doyle was. Maddie keeps saying she wants to come visit me so she can go to Disney World. I don’t think she gets that it’s not cheaper just because I live here now.

He went on to talk about his parents a little more and how he was sure they would buy Disney tickets for winter break to see the Christmas decorations even though they knew it would be miserable and crowded. Then he told Chad about Kate and her latest endeavors.

I’m really grateful to have her to talk to… it gets a little lonely here sometimes. The other members of my new chapter are really great but I don’t know them too well yet. It does make me miss my SACU group. We still talk a little and I’m always happy to hear from them but it’s just hard not to have that dynamic that I got used to over the past couple years, you know?

Chad’s response:

I know I can’t replace your school friends and I know you can still rely on Kate, but I want you to know I’m here for you too if you need someone else to talk to. I care about you, bro.

It was more than Aaron could handle. He shut his laptop and took deep breaths.

Over the next several weeks, they continued emailing back and forth. Sometimes Aaron confessed his true feelings in his secret word document, other times he texted Kate in frustration, but mostly he savored every time he saw that Chad had replied. He had tried to look at it as an opportunity for friendship, but it was futile. With every email he fell for Chad more and more.

Why did Blair have to encourage Chad’s sworn singledom? Would Chad be interested in something beyond friendly email correspondence if she hadn’t? Would that even matter, considering they didn’t live in the same place? Why couldn’t Aaron move on?

------

“Let’s go over it one more time,” said Zoe, putting her van in park in her mom’s driveway. “You guys don’t say anything until I bring it up. Then Alex will change forms, but only when I’ve said that it’s ok, and then--”

Blair sighed from the passenger seat, absentmindedly fiddling with the necklace she always wore. “Zoe, honestly, I don’t see what the big deal is. I told your mother we were gods years ago.”

“And then we’ll explain, but just the basics, and nothing about all those people you vaporized,” Zoe finished, ignoring her. “I don’t want her to think I’m living with serial killers.”

“Alex has never killed anyone, have you Alex?” Blair said, as though cutting it down to only one serial killer was helpful.

“Nope!” Alex said brightly. “Well I mean, unless you count the people in the fire…”

“No bringing up the fire either. No murders, no accidental arson, just two benevolent gods who happen to like living with a human… because she’ll believe that,” Zoe said, doubting her whole plan. “Agh, why didn’t I do this sooner? Now she’s going to know I’ve been lying to her for years.”

“It’s ok,” said Alex. “She’ll understand. And we’re here for you no matter what.”

Zoe took a deep breath, then unbuckled her seat belt. “Okay,” she said, exhaling. “Let’s do this.”

------

Hey bro, would you believe I have a layover in the JAX airport on my way to Miami for Thanksgiving? Made me think of you.Too bad I don’t have enough time to come visit, that would’ve been sweet. But dude, we’ll be in the same city for a few minutes at least. Kind of a nice thought.

-Chad

If he didn’t want to actually kill Aaron, Chad was going to have to stop being so cute. It was too much to deal with.

Chill, Aaron told himself, you’ll be in the slight geographical vicinity of each other for like, half an hour. Big whoop.

He managed to talk himself out of several hastily-concocted reasons to be at the airport on the same day as Chad’s layover; it wasn’t like he would get past TSA without a flight anyway. He attempted (unsuccessfully, for the most part) to push the email out of his mind.

Being home for Thanksgiving was a welcome distraction. Between helping his parents clean the house for guests and hanging out with his little sister, Aaron was almost busy enough to forget about his loneliness and his unrequited crush and all the other things that were bothering him. Key word: almost. He couldn’t help but occasionally remember that he and Chad would be in the same city and not be able to see each other.

On Tuesday morning, he and Madison were watching Moana on the couch when he got an email notification.

Hey dude! Hope your break is going well. Funny story, my second flight is majorly delayed so I’m stuck in Jacksonville until tonight! I don’t know how close you are to the airport or if you have stuff going on with the fam but did you want to get lunch or something? Btw, I’m realizing email probs isn’t the best for making plans- text me if you see this.

And then Chad had given Aaron his number.

The very first thing Aaron did was text Kate a screenshot of the email with many exclamation points. Then he opened a text to Chad and wrote “bro it’s aaron, omw to the airport now :)” Then he took off the smiley face, added an exclamation point, and sent it.

“Hey Maddie, I’ll be back later, okay?” he said, standing up. “I’m going to get lunch with my friend.”

“But you’re gonna miss away away!” Maddie said. “Away away” was what she called the song that the explorers sang in the flashback. Even two years after the movie had come out, she was obsessed with it. Aaron had already heard the soundtrack at least three times the day before.

“We can watch it again when I get back,” he said. “Promise.”

He told his parents he was meeting a friend from B4B who’d had an unexpected layover, then drove to the airport as fast as his law-abiding self would allow. As he was pulling into the pickup/dropoff section of the airport, his phone rang. He answered, not stopping to look who was calling.

“Hello?”

“Aaaaaaahhhhh!”

“Kate, chill,” he said. (Of course it wasn’t Chad.) “We’re going to lunch, it’s not like it’s a date.”

“I maintain my ‘aaaaahhhhh’,” Kate said. “Are you on your way to the airport?”

“Pulling in now, yeah.” He realized he hadn’t texted Chad to tell him where to go.

“Are you gonna eat there? Or are you going somewhere? Did he say anything else? Are you--”

“Kate!” Aaron cut her off. “I don’t know where we’re going. I have to tell him I’m here though, so--”

“Oh of course, I don’t want to hold you up!” But she kept talking anyway. “Aah I can’t believe he’s going to be in your car! Ok well remember every detail, I want the full story when you get home.”

“Obviously,” he said. “But nothing’s going to happen.”

“Mhmmmmm,” Kate said. “Ok, love you.”

“You too. Bye,” he said, and hung up.

Aaron texted Chad to tell him that he was outside and what his car looked like. Then he sat and waited nervously. Since the last time he had seen Chad, his feelings had only grown stronger. It was one thing to reply to emails where he could take time to compose a response. It would be quite another thing to carry on a conversation with Chad in person, something he had failed at every time he had attempted it so far. Not to mention they would be alone in his car.

Just then, he spotted Chad walking towards his car. He was exactly as gorgeous as Aaron remembered, even after being on a plane for several hours.

Be normal, he thought. You guys are friends. He doesn’t have to know about the rest of it.

He got out of the car to help Chad with his luggage, then wished he hadn’t because he felt silly. Not knowing what else to do then, he waved. “Hey, Chad!”

Chad caught sight of him, and his face lit up. “Aaron!” He rushed over to the car, setting down his bags and giving Aaron a standard one-arm frat boy hug, which Aaron tried not to make weird.

“Hey,” Aaron said. “Good to see you, man.” He wasn’t sure what else to say. As they got in the car, Aaron was glad that he was driving so it would be easy to resist looking at Chad too much. He didn’t know what he would do once they got to lunch.

“So, there’s a Chick-Fil-A we could go to, I don’t know what you’re in the mood for,” he said.

“Oh, um, actually I’m a vegetarian now,” said Chad. Of course he was.

“All right… Denny’s?”

“Fire,” said Chad. They drove in silence, which was awkward, but Aaron didn’t know what to say.

They had been seated at the restaurant and still hadn’t said anything. Aaron was wracking his brain for any conversation starter, but Chad talked first.

“Denny’s reminds me of college,” he said. “We had one on campus and we used to go there when we got hungry at 2 AM.”

“Same,” said Aaron. “I guess it’s a staple of the American university system.”

“True that,” said Chad, and the ice was broken. They went on talking throughout the meal as if nothing was strange between them. Aaron tried to enjoy it while he could, and also spent a lot of time looking down at his plate so as not to accidentally stare at Chad’s smile or his eyes. He kept repeating to himself that he and Chad were friends, that Chad wasn’t interested in him romantically, and that it didn’t matter either way because Chad had sworn off dating. He didn’t want to delude himself into thinking that his feelings could be reciprocated. Was an unrequited crush that you knew was doomed from the start better than uncertainty?

“Not to make light of your inconvenience, but I’m really glad you had that delay,” Aaron said when they had finished eating and were waiting on the check. “I’m glad we got to hang out.”

“Me too, bro,” said Chad, and he reached out and put his hand over Aaron’s, which was resting on the table. Aaron suppressed a nervous laugh, willing himself not to meet Chad’s eyes. He couldn’t help it-- he felt a little glimmer of hope bubbling up in the back of his brain.

“Chad…” he started to say, but the waiter showed up with their checks and Chad moved his hand away. Aaron would have left his hand under Chad’s for another hour if he could have. Pathetic.

Chad cleared his throat and blinked several times as if nothing had happened. Aaron hastily changed the subject. They left Denny’s and started heading back to the airport, Aaron wishing for something to fall in the middle of the road and stop them from getting there. He wanted to pass the airport and keep driving all the way up into Georgia and beyond. He never wanted to let Chad leave his car. Who knew when the next time they would see each other would be? But alas, they reached the airport with no problems.

They sat in the parked car for a few long moments. “It’s been really nice seeing you, dude,” Chad finally said.

“Yeah,” said Aaron, looking over at Chad and accidentally meeting his eyes. He thought he felt something shift in that moment, like there was some kind of possibility that maybe his bubble of hope hadn’t been completely unfounded. He leaned towards Chad an infinitesimal amount, and he couldn’t be sure, but he thought that Chad did the same. They stayed that way for another long moment before Chad suddenly cleared his throat again and jerked away.

“Uh, I need to go,” he said. “I don’t want to miss my flight.” He started to get out of the car and reach for his luggage in the backseat.

“Right, right of course,” Aaron said. As Chad said goodbye and walked away, Aaron felt all of his brief optimism leaving with him. Well, he would have a lot to tell Kate.

#I have Fully Accepted the violet stuff into my canon for this fic #this took so long to finish lol but I'm very excited about the next chapter #which won't be for another month so don't hold your breath or whatever #tajwash #blairgp #mine

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aestheticodium · 7 years

Text

Bad Luck

It’s been a while since I’ve posted on here. I feel like I need to vent somehow. And no one would really understand so I can’t go to anyone. The past couple weeks have been awful. Two things happened that sucked. And they happened one after an other. Like a double whammy of life just shitting on me. Lets start with the latest one.

So my dad has been battling cancer. It went away for a while then came back a few months ago. Doc said some chemo and radiation and it would go away again. But it didn’t go away. So now my dad has to go through surgery. He has to get the cancer cells removed from his throat. To do so, it requires a few different surgeries. He has to get the main one which is cutting into the throat and then removing the cells. He has to do one where they remove some muscle from his chest and put it on his throat to replace what they took out. Then he has to get a hole made so he can breathe since the procedure will cause his throat to swell which in turn closes his windpipe. Then he has to get a feeding tube attached so he can eat since he can’t swallow anything.

This is going to be so stressful and I’m already stressed out from school and work. And what if this doesn’t work. He’ll be going through all this pain for nothing. This is just shitty. Like why does it have to be my dad. He’s too nice. He doesn’t deserve this shit. And what if I lose him? I already lost my girlfriend. I don’t want to lose my dad too.

This brings me to the other event that happened. My girlfriend left me. It was bound to happen. We weren’t working out. We constantly fought and made each other miserable. I think our personalities just clashed too much. We worked extremely well as friends. But dating just didn’t work out. I just wish the breakup didn’t escalate so badly. I also wish she didn’t break up with me through text but whatever.

When she broke up with me she was nice about it. She was saying sorry and how we just didn’t work out and how she didn’t want any issues. So I was like okay this blows but she’s at least being nice. Then she started being mean and a bit vindictive. She told me not to apply to a liquor store chain she works at because she doesn’t wanna work with me anymore. That’s understandable but it’s not really her choice. She isn’t dating me anymore. But she then stated how she talked to the managers and told them not to hire me. Then told me how she would do everything in her power to make sure I don’t get hired.

Let’s think about this for a second. This is very vindictive and very petty. She broke up with me and yet is acting like this. I need another job to make ends meet and that liquor store would’ve been the easiest route to fix my problems but she had to go and do that? Why? It’s just hateful. I wouldn’t even be at the store she works at. I would be at another one. I would make sure of that just because I don’t want any issues. Plus my friend John, who also works there, would make sure the managers wouldn’t put me at her store. Plus there’s no way they would do that. It’s a situation that would potentially cause issues. No manager would allow that. It’s just not logical.

So after she did that I just didn’t respond. I wasn’t going to give in to that and I didn’t want any fights. I planned on getting my credit card from her cause she still had it. At this point my friends already knew. And they weren’t happy. But I told them not to do anything cause I don’t want issues. One of my friends told me he would go in and get my credit card for me. Cause if my ex is being vindictive she would most likely say something when I got my card and if she did I would probably react badly because breakup. It’s logical so I agreed. But I warned and said she might mention you getting the card instead of me. It’s just how she is. So my friend tells me if she says anything he will go off on her because she has no right to say anything cause she broke up with me so she shouldn’t act like that.

I hoped she would be more mature and not say anything cause I didn’t want issues. But nope. She ended up texting me saying “Next time you want something get it yourself don’t send someone.” My friend was next to me when she sent it. Instantly my mind went “fuck. but maybe he didn’t see?” So I look at him and he’s looking at my phone then looks at me and just goes to where she is. So now I’m just like “fuck this is what I was trying to avoid.” And he just went off on her. About the lying, the being mean with the breakup, and just how he felt in general. It was bad. I didn’t want that to happen but what was I gonna do.

Then later on she asks me for her stuff back. I agree but I was gonna bring someone with me just in case I lost my cool. But she didn’t like that. Maybe didn’t wanna get yelled at again. Maybe she though I told my friend to do it. Who knows. I still have her stuff. I put it in a bag just in case she ever wants it back. It’s been a week or so though so I doubt she still wants it.

I should probably clarify on the breakup and why it happened. We were just arguing a lot. I feel like we just didn’t have the patience for each other anymore. We tried to work it out before but it just didn’t work. She kept saying I never tried and that she gave me chances. But I did try.

I’m a very blunt person and I get angry easily. I say how I feel and I don’t mince my words. She didn’t like that which is understandable. No one wants to be with someone who is stressed and angry a lot. It pushed her away. I should’ve fixed it sooner but by the time I was starting to understand why I did what I did, it was too late.

When I was asked about the breakup and people ask why she was saying I didn’t try because she was posting that on various social media. People would question it. Like one person told me, “You didn’t try? Is she fucking serious? You took days off from work, which is money you needed, to go all the way to New York and make sure she drove down okay. You took her to work for almost a month because she didn’t have another reliable form of transportation since her card broke down. You made more time for her than you did for your friends. You did all this and she still says you didn’t try? That’s not trying, that’s fucking dedication.”

My friend is right in a way. She probably doesn’t see it but I did a lot. But from another standpoint, it probably just wasn’t enough to her. She most likely wanted more than what I could do. She most likely views me as this dickhead who just never cared. But that’s not true. I always cared. Yeah I’m blunt and angry but I always did stuff that showed I cared. It just wasn’t enough I suppose. Maybe I just wasn’t enough.

Toward the end of the relationship she started lying. She lied about being at some guys house. She lied when my friend yelled at her saying we’ve been broken up even though we just broke up the day she was being yelled at. The fact she lied about being at this guys house is just sketchy. She claims she didn’t cheat but how am I suppose to believe her when she lied about it. What’s to say she isn’t lying about not cheating. It’s not something someone would admit. But I guess it literally doesn’t matter. We’re broken up and she lied so it doesn’t matter what she did.

Regardless of everything that happened I still miss her. I shouldn’t. I definitely shouldn’t not after the lying and being sketchy. But idk. I think back on the good memories we had and it just makes me miss her. I wish things were different. I wish she didn’t lie. I wish she didn’t just have the mentality of “I do whatever I want”. I wish I got a hold of my anger better. I wish I could’ve done more. I was gonna try and stop her from leaving but I just didn’t see a point. No matter how much I just wanted to fix things, she clearly didn’t want to. She just wanted to be done with me. And it sucks. I just wish she doesn’t see me as this monster. Some massive asshole. Cause I really did try. I really did love her. Hell, I still do love her. Idk when it will stop. I hope it stops soon. It hurts a lot.

Even through everything that happened I still wish her well. I hope her life is amazing. I hope she gets what she wants. I don’t hate her. Quite the opposite. Deep down I know she’s a good person. She just has some things to sort through. So I really hope her life continues to be good. I hope her parents keep trying and treating her kindly. I just want her happy.

And that’s what I don’t think people understand. Yeah she was acting shitty but I did too. I wasn’t great either. So I hope she learns from this. I’m learning from it. I don’t think I’m meant for people. Idk.

I was thinking maybe suicide. Maybe just kill myself that way no one ever has to deal with me again. But there’s still things I want to experience. So i’ve been thinking of just moving away. Get away from everything and everyone. And then just not date or befriend anyone. It’ll just save everyone the trouble.

This ended up being much longer than I anticipated. But yeah, I just hope my dads surgery goes well. And I truly hope my ex finds happiness in whatever she decides to do. She’s a good girl and I hope someone else will be kind enough to realize this despite her behavior and treat her better than I could.

#personal #ignore me #this ended up being way too long #no ones gonna see it anyway #no one knows my tumblr except my ex #but she blocked me on everything so #i truly do wish her well

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