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neowinestainedress · 2 years

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shattered glasses (all distorted) | lee jeno

title: shattered glasses (all distorted) | part 1 | masterlist | playlist

pairing: lee jeno x fem!oc/reader (no name used, written in third person) | side member: jeong jaehyun, oc's brother!jaemin | mentioned: lee haechan, park jisung, lee mark, suh johnny

genre: smut, fluff, angst, yandere-ish

summary: there’s only one way to survive in a cage made of rose-colored glasses: don’t shatter the glasses, reality will be painful to accept.

warnings: yandere behaviours, stalking, possessiveness, (a LOT of) gaslighting, love-bombing, fights, violence, implied undefined mental health issues, dark themes overall, smut, voyeurism, masturbation (implied public masturbation), overstimulation, dumbification, oral sex (f/m), unprotected sex, dirty talk, praise, degradation, mentions of anal f receiving, Jeno is not mean as in the first one, but it doesn’t mean he’s better (sigh) | this one is darker than the first one so PLEASE read the warnings and make sure nothing triggers you. Just like the first one, it has no intentions of romanticizing these types of relationships, it’s simple fiction, written to dig deeper into morally grey characters and toxic behaviours that happen even in real life. If you recognize any of these signs of manipulation in your or your friend’s relationship reach out for help.

words: 28.723k

a/n: this was a lot to write, twisted my stomach but I also loved doing it. It would mean a lot to know what you think about it with comments, reblogs or asks. Especially how you feel about the ending because I had so many different ideas in mind and yeah, I’d love to hear your thoughts!

If you click ‘read more’ you agree you consent to what you’re reading and you’re fully responsible for the media you consume.

“Hi, bunny.”

Her face lit up when she raised it and met Jeno’s eyes. “Hi, love.” Her voice came out loudly, cheering happily as she pushed closed the door of the bar she worked at. The spring breeze ruffled her hair. “I wasn’t expecting you to pick me up.”

Jeno smiled, leaning down to leave a peck on her lips and giving her his arm so she could intertwine it with hers. “Finished earlier and I missed you, so I thought of passing by. Also, you know I don’t like it when you take the metro.”

She chuckled, “I’m safe, nothing bad will happen to me.” It had been by now six months since they were dating, to be more correct, since they got back together. Forgiving him and trusting him again hadn’t been easy but not even as hard as she imagined, it was like Jeno had put a spell on her and he was also really good at being forgiven. He took care of her in a way nobody else ever did, maybe too much care.

“Everything fine?” Jeno asked when, sitting in his car seat, he quickly turned around to stare at her and saw how she was nervously playing with her fingers.

“Yeah, just, uhm… nothing.”

Jeno quirked a brow before starting the car, looking at the street to make sure he could get out of the parking lot, but he had no intention to drop the conversation. “What’s going on? Is something bothering you?”

“Not really, I just… Okay, there’s a new guy at work, and I don’t like the attention he gives me.”

Jeno almost messed up changing the gear but the tone of his voice was composed as he tried to dig deeper. “Attention?”

She nodded, thumb trapped in her teeth as she pulled her skin hard.

He glanced at her, “Don’t do it, you’ll bleed,” he said, grabbing her hand and intertwining it with his, placing them on the stick. “What’s his name?”

“Oh, you don’t even know him. But it’s fine, I guess he thinks I’m single. He’s nice, though, it’s just clear he’s trying to hit,” she chuckled, smiling dumbly at the way Jeno’s hand squeezed hers tighter. But Jeno didn’t find it funny at all.

“Of course, he doesn’t know…” The words come out in a whisper, and for a moment he thought about stopping with this bullshit of keeping her a secret. “If he keeps bothering you let me know.”

“Yeah, but you don’t have to worry. Tomorrow I’ll tell him I’m not single and I’m sure he will stop.”

“I hope so,” Jeno grunted, letting go of her hand, placing it on her tight, because if he held it as tight as he was holding the wheel he would’ve broken her bones.

“Can I stay at your place?” She asked when silence fell in the car.

A soft smile crept on Jeno’s face, “Sure, to be honest, you’re always there anyway so why would it bother me today?”

“I don’t know…” she answered, leaving the phrase pend in the air.

“Is this again about him?”

“Who? Jaehyun?”

“Jaehyun? So that’s his name?” He impressed his name in his brain, with the memo of reminding himself to dig deeper into him.

“Yeah, but I told you, you have nothing to worry about.”

“Then what is this about?”

“My dad, Jeno. We had another fight,” she confessed, sighing heavily, and rubbing her temples in circles.

“Another?” He asked, holding the wheel tighter.

“Yeah, you know, the usual. He says he wasted money on me and that I’m a failure. He wants me to pay to live at their place.”

“Are you for real?” Jeno’s tone got scarier and she turned around to reassure him, but her smile was fake and Jeno knew exactly what her fake smile looked like. “Don’t play with me.”

“I just don’t want to think about him. You know he always says the same things and then never does anything.” She leaned against the window pane, hoping Jeno would’ve let go. Her relationship with her father had worsened in the last months. Since Jaemin moved out and got an amazing job in a company, her humble work at the bar was something to be ashamed of. And to add to the humiliation her parents felt since she still lived with them, they also rubbed in her face that she was always out — too much for their liking, as if they ever care to worry about them or what they were doing when they were the ones always around the globe for work.

Jeno was about to talk again but decided to keep his mouth shut, turning on the radio because he couldn’t stand the silence between them.

But there was something bothering him, thoughts running in his brain the whole evening, running so fast that a painful headache was starting to form. He shook his head, trying to push them out, but the more he stared at her, cuddled up against him on the sofa, laughing at a joke from the tv show they were watching, the more they haunted him.

“I think you should move in with me.”

She blinked repeatedly, not sure if he was talking to her or maybe was saying something out of nowhere.

“I mean it, move in with me.”

She scoffed, shaking her head, shifting in her seat to have a better view of his face.

“Do I even have to remind you that you still don’t want my brother to know? Or wait, nobody has to know.”

Jeno huffed, sighing loudly. “And? Do they have to know where you live?”

She furrowed, was he being serious?

“And what do I do? Come here without telling my parents?”

“Just tell them you’re moving out. They don’t want you there anymore. And, it’s not like they’d come visit you anyway. You’re not Jaemin, you don’t get any special treatment.”

She didn’t answer, gulping because yes, he was right, but why did he have this habit of being so honest? Even if he didn’t have bad intentions he always hurt her so badly.

“Don’t do that,” he said, making her lift her gaze again. “You know they don’t care about you, not like I do,” he added, caressing her cheek, gently rubbing his thumb on her skin. “You deserve so much better, bunny.”

She hummed before turning around to face the tv again but this time with a heavy heart. “I — I’ll think about it.”

“I don’t understand why you always treat me like this!” She screamed, slamming the door of her bedroom, knowing that for sure her father was going to get even madder. And as expected, the door slammed open.

“Slam the door again and I’ll kick your ass out of this house. You have no idea of all the sacrifices we had to do to build up everything we have and you are a disgrace to your family.”

“Honey, let her be,” her mother tried to calm him down, but her husband had no intention to listen.

“Let her be? We gave up, paid for her art school, and look at her now, working in a fucking bar. And all she does is cry. Grow up. Be at least a quarter of what your brother is and then you’ll have my respect.”

She fell to the floor, hugging her body to try to push her father’s harsh words away but it was a trick that didn’t work anymore. It never worked, not even when she was ten, and hid under the bed, hoping the pain would go away just like that.

“I’m sorry,” she cried. “I’ll look for a better job, I’ll pay the bills, I’ll be the daughter you want me to be.”

“You will never be her,” her father spat out before the door slammed close again.

Her first reaction was to grab her phone and search for her boyfriend’s contact but then she stopped. Jeno would’ve told her once again that they didn’t love her and didn’t deserve her but those weren’t the words she wanted to hear. She even thought about calling Jaemin, but he had never been one to support her. He probably hated her more than her parents did. Calling her friends was off the table, they didn’t know what was going on behind closed doors and they couldn’t know.

So the only solution was to lay on the cold floor and let tears flood her face, trying to don’t be too loud because she got on her family’s nerves even if she breathed too loudly.

But while she laid there, she thought about what to do about her life.

Of one thing she was sure, she couldn’t keep going on like this.

“You feel weird?” Her best friend, Ningning, had asked her, a cute furrow on her face because she couldn’t understand what her friend meant exactly by that.

“It’s a weird sensation, I don’t know how to explain,” she sighed, letting her head fall on the bed, watching her get ready for a night out she couldn’t go.

“Maybe you just need to take your mind off this whole new ‘revolutionising your life’ thing,” Ningning proposed, turning around on the chair, while she applied the blush on her cheeks. “Come to the party.”

“I can’t,” she sighed, hugging the pillow. It had been around two weeks by now since she started trying to make her father happier, nothing had changed for now, but she was hoping for better results soon. She started sending her resume to different companies and was also looking for a small apartment she could afford on her own.

“Hyuck told me Jeno will be there, too,” Ningning said, raising a brow and smirking.

“Hyuck? Really? Are you two…?”

“Shut up, this is not about us. Focus on Jeno, I saw the way he was looking at you the last time we went out.”

Right… Jeno. Jeno and all of her friends not knowing what was going on between them. Jeno and the break she took with him two weeks ago so she could fully focus on her life.

“I don’t have a crush on him anymore,” she replied, sitting on the bed, looking for her phone because she wanted to make sure Jeno wasn’t going to the party with them. But then guilt took over, they had barely spoken in the past days, just a morning and night text every day and some casual checks up two days a week, that was all she could afford; he was too much of a distraction. But it didn’t seem fair to break her own rules because she was afraid of him being surrounded by pretty girls without her around.

“Are you sure?” Ningning smirked, fixing her black dress, grinning at her friend from the mirror.

“Yeah,” she sighed, standing up from the bed. “By the way, you look amazing, and I have to go back home.”

Ningning smiled at the compliment but then her face turned serious, “Wait, about that feeling,” she stopped her before she could get out of the door. “My mom’s a therapist, maybe she can help you with that. You’re really stressed lately,” the blonde cooed, cupping her cheeks and leaving a peck on her forehead. “I want my cheerful baby back.”

She chuckled, kissing her friend’s cheek before opening the door. “I’ll reach out to her if things get worst.”

Jeno didn’t want to appear like a perverted psycho, obsessed with her, but he couldn’t understand how everything seemed to be completely fine for her.

Why didn’t she miss him like he missed her?

Why was she always so happy? Not that he wanted her to be miserable but wasn’t she going through some shit? So why was she always smiling? Especially with Jaehyun.

To be completely honest, Jeno didn’t want to stare, not the first time, at least. It happened that he casually passed by the bar she worked at and saw her, giving him her back, cleaning a table that was close to the window but not enough that she could see him. A smile formed on his face, after five days he finally saw her again, soft hair pulled back into a bun by the silk rubber band he had gifted her and her delicate smile dimpling her cheek.

That was all Jeno needed to see to make his day better, right before someone else appeared in his line of sight. A man who must have been no older than four years of them, he was tall, and from the white T-shirt that hugged his body, Jeno could glimpse the outlined muscles beneath the thin fabric. Light brown hair fell softly over his forehead, long enough to cover his dark eyes if he did not move it with his hands.

But Jeno could care less about him as a person. Why was he so close to her? Why was she laughing with him? Why was she touching him? What could he possibly have said that was so funny that she felt the need to rest her hand on his bicep and smile at him like that, tilting her head, pinching her tongue between her teeth, and scrunching her nose?

Repressing the urge to enter by slamming the door and dragging her away from him was difficult, but after taking a deep breath he decided to leave. The blood boiled in his veins, and he could not get those images out of his mind. They ran through his mind like the end credits of a movie, something he did not want to see but his mind replayed and replayed as if it wanted to torture him.

So it was just obvious that the next day Jeno found himself there again.

Jeno had no idea anymore about the shifts she was working, he knew what it was like to work in that bar, practically never the same routine because there was always someone with problems popping up at the last minute. But by the middle of the week, Jeno seemed to get the hang of it.

She was working every day, all day. Excluded the few hours when she went out, presumably to go to job interviews with the agencies she had contacted. He even wondered how legal all of that was but once again, he wasn’t surprised knowing the place.

But why?

He huffed, taking off his jacket as he died from the heat even though the car, parked in a strategic place that allowed him to see without being seen, was not started. He had discovered that parking lot a few months earlier, total causality, but he had always liked it because there was something thrilling about being able to spy on her from a distance. And luckily, it was coming in handy now.

‘How are you doing? Everything okay at home?’

There it was; the first extra message of the week was gone and he could only hope to receive a response that would reassure him.

But the answer was not coming, and he was beginning to lose patience, puffs of air escaping noisily from his lips as his slender fingers and feet in the black converse tapped at a pace present only in his mind.

His nervous movements stopped when he saw her exit the bar, smiling as she held the door for someone else.

Him.

Again.

His eyebrows curved as his lips rippled in an expression mixed between confusion and anger. Eyes darkening as the two leaned back against the short wall to...eat?

Jeno’s eyes moved quickly to the watch around his wrist.

4 p.m.

Definitely too late for lunch.

A snack? While they laughed together? And stayed so close to each other?

“Fuck,” he muttered, wanting to roll down the window to hear what they were talking about, but to do so he would’ve had to start the car and they would’ve surely heard him. “Why the fuck does she always laugh so hard when she’s with him?”

Then he remembered that she still didn’t answer, and his fingers tightened even more firmly around the steering wheel. Only to relax when she reached for her phone to answer...

“She’s not answering?” He whispered, watching in disbelief as she said something to him before putting the phone back in her pocket and smiling once again at something he said.

“Who the fuck does he think he is?”

Jeno had no idea who he was, but he was sure he was going to find out.

When another week had passed, she was wrecked. Not only the full shifts to make some more money were mentally and physically killing her, but that weird sensation seemed to be growing instead of disappearing. She felt constantly watched and Ningning kept telling her that it was just stress, she just needed to relax, or maybe call an exorcist because ‘you’re never sure about the people who have died inside your house and never left.’

But she rolled her eyes at her friend’s words, deciding that the best solution was the first.

So she laid on her bed, luckily for her, her parents weren’t home, so she had this whole Sunday night to herself.

The temptation to call Jeno was high. She missed him like crazy and even if she wouldn’t have called him over, maybe hearing his voice through a call was better than trying to reminisce him, his tone, his sinful words, or his touches.

But then she decided not to.

She had learned a lot of things in these past months, but she was still a bit ashamed of talking about this and the idea of sexting, or whatever it was called, so that stopped her from picking up her phone.

She could use some imagination. So she tried to replicate what Jeno did. Letting her hands wander on her body, slowly, taking time to let all her nerves wake up and get drunk at the sensation. It wasn’t like getting touched by him, the goosebumps erupting from her skin weren’t even close to the ones that Jeno’s fingers provoked, but it was better than nothing.

When the teasing got too much, not satisfying her enough, she slipped out of her clothes, laying bare on her bed, sheets crumpled at the end of the mattress as she tried to relax against the soft surface. Her fingers already knew the path, tracing down her skin by memory until they reached the spot she needs to touch the most. Fingertips circling on her clit after gathering the wetness that pooled out of her.

Her head rolled back as her fingers quickened the pace, moving fast to reach the first climax that already made her feel better, but it still wasn’t enough. So her fingers slipped inside her with ease, pumping and curling inside of her the same way Jeno did, they didn’t reach as deep as him, and she felt like she didn’t know herself as deeply as Jeno did, but if she closed her eyes, she could see him. His body hovering over hers, one hand to keep himself up, pressing on the mattress close to her head, while the other was buried deep into her. Praising how good she was taking him, how messy she was, how desperate she was for him. Already looking wrecked just with a touch.

“Fuck,” she moaned loudly when she came for the second time, walls clenching around her fingers and chest heaving.

She stood there for a while, combatted between stopping there or doing more. But then her needs took over and she turned around to search for something in her bottom drawer.

The toy Jeno had gifted her.

She could still remember how embarrassed she was when he gave it to her, but she couldn’t deny that it had turned out useful. Not that Jeno ever left her without him for long, but during those rare occasions when they weren’t together, or when they wanted to do something different, she liked it.

She brought it to her lips, slowly starting to suck it to get it wet, and then pushed it past her entrance, the tip stretching her out before she let it fill her completely.

“Mhh, so good,” she breathed out, eyelashes fluttering as she moved it in and out. Legs parting more to make it reach deeper and angle it better exactly how she liked it.

“Jeno,” she started moaning out his name, eyes closed as her brain pictured him instead, his touch still lingering on her skin, his moans filling her ears, his cock rubbing against her insides.

“Louder.”

“Jeno,” she screamed. It was like she could hear him. As if he was right there, at the edge of the bed, staring at her, boring holes into her skin.

“Je — Jeno,” she breathed out, so close to coming again…

Her blood froze in her veins when a loud sound came from outside and the bushes moved. She gulped, toy falling to the side when she pulled it out so fast that she almost hurt herself. Her legs started shaking more, and this time not from pleasure, as she slowly started walking to the window after throwing a blanket on herself. She looked outside, but there was nothing, or better, nobody. She took a breath of relief, maybe it was a stray cat or the wind, it surely was that.

But when she turned back, she saw her phone on the bedside table, forgotten while she was trying to destress. She walked to it, not even knowing why, but worrying when she saw so many texts from Jeno’s contact but her heart dropped for another reason as she scrolled through them.

“I miss you.”

“I know I shouldn’t text you.”

“I know it’s hard for you but I can’t help it.”

“I’m thinking about you.”

“I’m thinking about you while I’m touching myself.”

“I miss your mouth so much.”

“are you thinking about me when you touch yourself?”

“your fingers are not like mine”

“I wouldn’t stop like you”

“I’d make you come over and over just with them”

“Are you thinking about me while you pretend –

That that toy can satisfy you like my cock”

“what I’d give to feel you again.”

“to have you spread like this on my bed.”

“Moan my name”

“louder”

“I want to hear you”

“you’re so fucking hot when you’re about to come”

She looked around in panic, holding the blanket that was covering her tighter, and ran back to close the blinds. That was just a coincidence, right? He simply missed her and masturbated thinking about her and as a mere coincidence she was doing it too. He must’ve only guessed she was fingering herself, and that she was sucking her toy before fucking herself with it. Probably he was drunk and was just ranting about how badly he missed her.

It had to be a creepy, odd coincidence.

She would’ve talked to him the next day.

“I was thinking that if you need a good job maybe my dad could set you up somewhere,” Jeno proposed. They had finally met after what felt like decades, it wasn’t the type of date Jeno wanted to have — grocery wasn’t exactly how he wanted to spend time with her — but it was better than nothing.

“If my dad finds out I work for your dad he’d be even madder about it. And why would your father hire me? Because I’m your girlfriend? He doesn’t even know it. And I don’t want to get a job like this.”

“Well, but you’re smart, I’m sure he can find a place for you.” His father was never a presence emotionally but when it came to money and favors he believed they could replace a hug or a word of comfort, so Jeno was sure he could help.

She shook her head, cancelling something from the list before pushing the kart again.

“Thanks, but no, I’m dealing with this by myself.”

Jeno hummed, looking at her while she searched for something on the shelves. “I miss you,” he said for the nth time. “I know why you’re doing this, I know I promised I was going to wait for you but… not seeing you at all is too much.”

She turned around, pushing him to the side to let an old lady walk next to them. “You think it’s not hard for me? You are the only good thing I have in my life right now and I’m pushing it away to make proud of me a man that probably will never be. How do you think I feel?”

“But that’s the point. You’re doing this for your father, not for you. When will you put yourself first and stop trying to please others? Especially him. He paid you dust all your life, and gave everything to Jaemin. You could be the Ceo of Samsung one day and it still won’t be enough for him so why are you tearing your happiness apart for him?”

She swallowed hard, “Lower your voice, please.”

Jeno scoffed, pushing the kart past her, and ripping the list from her hands.

“Jeno, stop,” she said, running after him. “I don’t want to talk about this in public.”

“Sure, or you don’t want to talk about this at all because you’re too busy licking his boots, right?”

She stopped, feeling on the verge of tears again. “You’re supposed to be my happy place not another source of pain,” she replied, facing him and glaring at him.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized immediately, pulling her into a hug. “I’m sorry, I know this is a lot for you but it gets me so mad seeing you crawl for him when he doesn’t deserve you. But at the end of the day he’s your father,” he said, pulling away, caressing her nape, “and I can’t come between you two. I’m sure you’ll make him proud.”

She lowered her head, rubbing her hands against her arms before she started walking again.

“Hey, I’m sorry.”

“I know, I… I know you are. I promise you just until I find a better job and then we’ll get back to before.”

“He offered you a job?” Ningning squealed, looking at her in disbelief, and shaking Yeri’s shoulders.

“Are you sure it’s not a scam? Didn’t he just start working at your bar?”

“He needed some money to have more safety for his and his friend’s business. But when he heard about my degree he was so happy to propose me a place.”

“Oh, well, that’s good then. I hope it turns well for you, you deserve it.” Her friend cheered, finally happy she could stop stressing over work.

“Yeah, and now I can also finally spend more time with J — with you, I had missed you so much.”

“Talking about that,” Ningning said, a grin curling her lips, “Hyuck’s throwing a night at his place. He told me to bring some friends.”

“Oh, I think I’ll pass.”

“Weren’t you happy two seconds ago about spending time with us?” Yeri asked, pouting at her and crossing her arms in front of her chest.

“Yeah, but you know I don’t get along with his friends, we only got close to them because apparently, these two can’t stop fucking.”

“Hey! Watch your words,” Ningning warned with a threatening pointy finger. “I’m sure it will be fun, come on.”

“I don’t know, I’ll let you know tomorrow, okay?”

“You can be so boring sometimes,” the blonde joked, “but it’s fine, we get it if you want to get some of the sleep you didn’t have these weeks.”

“Bunny?” Jeno answered the phone. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, never been better.”

“Never been better? What happened?” He wanted to ask if her father died but seeing the way she reacted to critics against him it was better not to.

“I found a job!” She exclaimed cheerfully.

“Really? That’s amazing, bunny. What company hired you?” He should’ve gone back inside to work, but he was more focused on this. He could finally have her back.

“Well, it’s not exactly a company,” she explained. “It’s a new business but it’s related to what I studied for. Jaehyunnie was so hyped when I casually talked about my studies that he immediately offered it to me. I had an interview this morning with his other friend that technically will be our boss when we’ll fire ourselves from here and he was so happy about me —”

“Wait, wait, wait…” he said, stopping her in her tracks. “Jaehyunnie?”

“Oh, yeah, Jaehyun. Remember? The new guy at the bar.”

Him.

“And you got so close that you call him by that nickname?”

“Yeah, I basically taught him everything, it was impossible not to get close to. He’s a really nice friend. And most importantly he gave me this job.”

Jeno scoffed.

“What’s so funny?” She asked, not understanding his reaction, smile dropping because she expected him to be happy.

“No, nothing. When I wanted to offer you, my girlfriend, a job, a well-paid one, in an already started business it was a nasty way to get there with connections, but this is fine.”

“It’s different,” she replied, her enthusiasm dying as soon as she heard his tone.

“Oh, really, how? No wait, I know how. You let a stranger help you terribly but not your boyfriend.”

“But — but it’s what I like to do. You said that I shouldn’t have crawled for my father but do what I like.”

“Yes, but do something that gave you an opportunity. If he had this job why would he work there?”

“It’s already a started business, they’re simply bringing it to Seoul and finally with a physical building. I thought you were going to be happy for me…” Her heart sank in her chest, this was the last reaction she expected.

“I am, I’m so happy for you. I hope it won’t let you down.”

“You’re not really —”

“I have to go, bye.”

When the phone shut down, she felt a bitter taste in her mouth. Grunting, she let her body fall against the bed, the sheets hollowing around her frame. She couldn’t get why he acted like this. Why couldn’t he just be happy for her?

She thought about calling him again or texting him to explain the situation again, but she was too happy to deal with his mood swing, so she grabbed her phone again and texted Ningning instead.

‘If you save some time to celebrate me, I’m coming to Hyuck’s place.’

It took Ningning two seconds to respond and making her smile again.

‘Ofc! I knew I could count on you.’

‘I’m sorry for the way I reacted the other day. I know how big you dream I’m afraid he might get your hopes up and you will be even more hurt, and you know why…’

‘Make-up dinner at my place? I’ll pick you up at 7?’

She sighed, watching the phone light up just when she was done getting ready for the small gathering with the others. She couldn’t lie to him, Hyuck would’ve told him if she went there, and there were high chances Jaemin was going to be there too. So one way or another, Jeno was going to find out the truth.

‘I can’t tonight, I already have plans. Sorry.’

That was not the message Jeno expected to see.

That was not a message Jeno wanted to see.

‘Plans? With who?’

He typed it out calmly, but inside of him something bubbled, leg throbbing nervously as he waited for an answer that was slow to come.

What the fuck was she doing? What games what she playing?

‘I wanted to ask you if you went when I called you yesterday, but then you got mad and I didn’t.’

‘I’m going with the girls to Hyuck’s place.’

His body froze.

Haechan? Since when she liked his company? And why the fuck he knew nothing about this?

‘Is he throwing a party?’ He typed because it was the calmest question that was running in his brain as he walked to his bedroom to change into new clothes immediately.

‘he didn’t tell you?’

‘well, anyway it’s just something small. And it’s also a small celebration for me.’

He groaned, picking up the phone and calling her.

“Where are you?”

“What do you mean where I am?” She answered, surprised by his tone, a mix between angry, worried and something else she couldn’t point out.

“Where the — where are you?” He calmed down, opening the front door to jump into his car. “I’ll take you there.”

“You don’t have to. Ning is coming, it’s the only way to don’t make her pass out.”

“I don’t care, I’ll pick you up.”

“You didn’t even know about the party, why can’t I go alone?”

Jeno stopped the car, afraid he was going to get in an accident. “Now you want to go there alone? Am I getting heavy?”

“No, I didn’t say that. But, we have to be extremely careful and we can’t be together anyway so just stay at home.”

Jeno clenched his fist around the wheel.

“Why do you even want to go there?”

“To spend time with the girls,” she replied, trying to muffle the annoyed sighs that were threatening to roll out.

“As if they will spend it with you,” he snorted.

“What do you mean?”

“Ningning will be all up Haechan in less than half an hour and Yeri will be kissing Mark as soon as you step inside. What are you left with? Your brother and Jisung?”

“It’s not a party, they won’t leave to make out…” she mumbled, starting to get nervous, nervously fidgeting with the zip of her dress.

“Why don’t you just let me pass by and I’ll celebrate you?”

“You weren’t even happy about my job,” she replied bitterly.

“I explained it to you, please.”

“They are here,” she replied when the bell rang, grabbing her purse, and rushing to the door. “We’ll see each other another time.”

Jeno punched the wheel before he started driving to Haechan’s place anyway. He wasn’t going to let her go alone.

The party, or night together, was a bit of a bummer, right at the moment she didn’t want to prove Jeno right but his predictions came true.

Her friends had disappeared and she was left alone with her brother, Jisung and two other people she had never met.

She was even tempted to call Jeno, find lame excuses about how the party ended sooner and spend some time with him, but she didn’t want to humiliate herself like that. Sure, Jeno couldn’t know this had been a failure.

But Jeno knew it. He had grown up in that house and he knew all the exact spots to see inside without being caught, also helped by Haechan’s habit of keeping all the blinds open. He could see her sitting on the couch, an empty glass in hand and a fake smile on her face as she talked to Jisung.

‘having fun?’

He smiled when she grabbed her phone and smiled after reading his name, but his smile dropped as soon as she locked it again and didn’t answer.

What was she doing? Was it a way to pretend she was so caught up in the party she had no time to answer him? Smart move, he had to give that to her.

“Can you go call them?” She asked her brother when it was getting too much, and he rolled his eyes.

“Why do you want to ruin their fun? Unlike you, they’re having it.”

“They can fuck when they don’t have guests at home.”

“They’re not fucking, you would hear them,” he grinned, backed up by Jisung, “but fine, I’ll go call them.”

As soon as he left she grabbed her phone again, a small smile on her face while she answered Jeno’s texts.

‘yep, it’s chill but nice. I missed the girls.’

‘and you?’

He smirked, shaking his head, before bringing it on her again, nervously scratching her neck and looking around. She was so out of place, he would’ve never got why she tried so hard to fit in them.

‘like shit without you|’

‘like shit|’

‘like|’

‘going to sleep soon.’

‘can we see each other tomorrow? fix this like adults?’

But her answer never came since the girls came back downstairs and her phone slipped into the back of her mind. And Jeno almost hit the window with a punch, he didn’t like how easy it was for her to push him in the back of her mind.

“This room is so expensive; you spoil me too much.” The suite they were staying in for the weekend was luxurious, she had no idea how much Jeno had spent on it, but it was surely more than she could imagine, and for now, even afford.

“Had to have you all to myself for a few days,” he replied, grabbing the bottle of champagne and winking at her.

“I basically moved in with you.” She walked closer to him, sitting on the big crème armchair, watching attentively as he poured the alcohol into the flutes.

“Basically, but not officially,” he reminded her, eyebrows raising, and a hint of bitterness in the tone of his voice. “Also, your new job is taking you away from me.”

The laugh that rolled out of her mouth was carefree, but Jeno found it slightly annoying, he wasn’t kidding. The hours of her shifts were weird, and never the same, even if they wanted to, they couldn’t plan anything during the week.

“So, that’s why you’re taking me away? This is like the third weekend we spent traveling around.”

Jeno hummed, sitting on the armrest before handing her one of the two glasses. “Don’t you love it? You have me all to yourself for two days straight,” he said, caressing her cheek, before his hand moved down her neck, making her close her eyes at the tickling touch. “No work,” he whispered, taking a gulp of champagne and kissing her, passing the liquid into her mouth, making her squirm and moan once she swallowed. “No annoying father,” he added, kissing her again, tongue playing with hers. “No worries,” he finished, pulling away, placing the glasses on the closest table and pulling her in his arms.

No friends. And especially no Jaehyun. He wanted to add, but those were thoughts he had to keep to himself.

So instead of thinking of them, he laid her on the bed, he was going to make her forget about them in another way.

“Let me take care of you,” he hummed, kissing her jawline, nibbling her earlobe, and making her giggle. “What’s so funny?”

She shook her head, “I’m sensitive there, it’s ticklish.”

He smiled, “Do you mind if I kiss you… here?” His lips landed on her neck, precisely on the spot between her jaw and neck, sucking it and pulling away with a loud pop. And then he moved down, kissing her collarbone. His hands promptly pulled her dress off her, revealing her body to him. “The set I got you, uh?”

She nodded, arms covering her chest, the bralette pushing her boobs up, making her feel exposed.

“Still hiding from me, bunny? Really?”

“I’m not used to seeing myself in these things…” she confessed.

Jeno snickered, hand moving behind her back, unclasping it. “Off it goes, then.”

A moan slipped loudly out of her mouth when his lips wrapped around her nipples, sucking avidly, already making her squirm at the bare touch.

He had her in the palm of his hands, it was so easy to maneuver her.

“Will make you feel so good bunny, you will even forget your name,” he whispered after pulling away from her with a loud sound. “Need you to be relaxed, can’t stand seeing you come home from work and be exhausted,” he whispered, moving his hand on her laced panties, rubbing his fingers on her lips, already feeling the fabric get wetter.

“Please,” she mumbled, the word coming out muffled as she kept her lips trapped in her teeth.

Jeno chuckled, “Please? You want that baby?” He hummed, fingers pressing harder on her clit as he moved them in circles. “Want me to turn you into a brain-empty bunny?”

“Yes, please,” she replied, voice barely higher than a whisper, while she forced her eyes open to look at him. Chest already raising faster as he kept teasing her, moving his fingers up and down on the panties, not leaving a single inch of her sensitive zone untouched.

“Stop squirming, baby,” he ordered, keeping her in place by pressing an open hand on her stomach. “I won’t give you more, need you to be patient.”

“But I want you,” she pleaded, still trying to stay still and listen to his orders, but it was quite hard when his fingers felt like a mocking tease, barely grazing her and then giving her what she wanted, a back and forth that was driving her insane.

“I know, bunny, I know, but good girls aren’t greedy, remember?”

She hummed, giving up, it was useless, he always got what he wanted anyway.

“Come here,” he ordered, swiftly getting off the bed, and waiting for her to follow. “Now,” he ordered when she was staring at him with a confused — slightly disappointed — look on her face. “On your knees,” he said, watching attentively as she positioned on the floor in front of him. “Oh, look at your face, bunny. Eager to suck my cock?”

She nodded, a shy smile on her face, “You never let me do it…” she whispered, hesitantly placing her hands on his belt, waiting for his nod to start undressing him. “Sometimes I fear I’m not good at it.”

“Oh, honey, no,” he cooed, thumb caressing her cheek, smirking when her eyes lightened up when she freed his cock from his underwear. “You’re so good, came so far from the messy girl of your first time, remember?”

“Unfortunately,” she whispered, lowering her gaze, but Jeno cupped her face and forced her up.

“Look at me, bunny. Keep your eyes on me when you take it all in your mouth, you can do it, right?” She nodded, tongue rolling out, waiting for him to push his tip inside. “Good bunny,” he praised, hand moving back to grab her hair and gently push her on his hard cock. “If you’re good I’ll give you everything you want. I’ll fuck you all night, baby, you want that? Yes, you do, come on, suck it.”

In a second her head started moving back and forth, at first slowly, wetting it before she started sucking with force.

“Fuck,” Jeno groaned, throwing his head back, tightening the hold on her hair but not forcing her head against him, giving her complete control. “You’re so good, bunny. So fucking good.”

The praise got to her head, ass swinging side to side as she shifted closer to him and started reaching deeper, the tip of his cock hitting her throat, nose rubbing against his abs with every thrust. She could feel she was already making a bigger mess in her panties, the way Jeno was looking down at her and how deep his moans were, almost making her come on the spot.

And Jeno loved how concentrated she was even if she was barely holding it together, always such a good girl, his good girl. A cute furrow creating deep creases on her forehead and big eyes looking up into him.

“That’s it,” he groaned, nails grazing her neck, causing more moans to vibrate around his length. “Want me to fuck you?” He asked, dark eyes staring deeply into hers while she nodded eagerly. “Beg for it,” he ordered.

She was about to pull away but Jeno pushed her flush against him, keeping her there, looking up with confused eyes. “I said, beg me to fuck you.”

He chuckled deeply when she gagged around him, gargling around his size while she tried to speak, “I know you can’t talk, I don’t really care, you sound so pretty with your mouth stuffed. Beg.”

She huffed, placing her hands on his thighs to hold herself somewhere and started muffling around him, not a single word made sense and it only caused her to make more of a mess, spit drooling down her chin to the floor.

“Fuck,” Jeno groaned, throwing his head back. “You sound so pretty when you can’t form a single coherent thought, bunny. Just a mess in my hands, aren’t you?”

She hummed, trying to nod but the hold he had on her barely made her move.

“Want me to fuck you dumb, bunny? Yeah? Until your mind goes completely blank?” She nodded, gasping when he pulled her away, sucking in the air in her lungs with greed.

“Yes, please, please. I want to — want to think about nothing at all.”

Jeno smiled, thumb brushing her lips, smearing the mix of drool and cum before he pushed it deep into her mouth, thumb pressing on her tongue, triggering her gag reflex. “You don’t gag around my cock, though,” he chuckled while pulling out, cock twitching at her already fucked out eyes. He couldn’t wait to ruin her even more.

“Open up again for me,” he instructed, a deep moan rumbling in his chest when she obeyed with no hesitation. “I’m gonna grab the back of your neck and fuck your pretty face just how I want,” he said, pushing into her, moving slowly, making her feel the veins of his dick, and pulling out just to tease her lips with his head, “and then I’ll give you all you want,” he groaned as he pushed in, “everything you deserve.”

Jeno wasn’t gentle, he never was when he lost his mind at the sight of her looking like a mess under him, letting him do whatever he wanted. His hips slamming with force, the lewd sounds of his balls hitting her chin, and the gargling and gagging sounds he was eliciting out of her mouth. He couldn’t last when she started squirming and he knew she was trying to squeeze her thighs to feel something.

“Fuck, fuck, that’s it, bunny. Take my cum,” he said through gritted teeth, keeping her still against him, while he came into her mouth, so deep into her throat, she had no choice but to swallow, not that she would’ve spat anyway.

When Jeno pulled out she finally breathed again, head low as she tried to clean the mess on her face, not really making it better since it dripped on her body even more.

“Jeno,” she screamed when he lifted her up without a warning.

“What? I doubt you can walk to the bed,” he joked, kissing her and lying her on the soft mattress. “You did such a great job.”

“No-now can you fuck me?”

He chuckled at her shyness, shaking his head as he positioned himself between her legs, fingers hooking in the band of her panties, drenched panties, to roll them down her smooth legs.

“I promised you I would, and I always keep my promises,” he winked before his fingers slipped into her, a broken moan sticking into her throat at the unexpected intrusion. “You’re so wet, you really love sucking my cock, don’t you?”

She started to answer but Jeno shushed her, “Don’t talk, I don’t need your words, your body is already answering me.” After a few knuckles-deep thrusts, he pulled out, cleaning his fingers on her thighs before starting to pump his cock up and down. Jeno didn’t add any more words before parting her legs more and slowly pushing in, eyes closing as he enjoyed the sensation, every time like the first time. “You always feel so good, bunny, I will never get used to you, fuck.”

The comment made her smile, eyes rolling in the back of her head, and hips rolling up against him, it was always so much and yet never enough. It was like Jeno made her addicted to him, every time slipping under her skin a bit more, a bit deeper, just enough until there was nobody else left inside of her.

Just like right now, his big body caging her underneath him, almost folding her in two so easily, playing with her like a chess piece. A frown on his face as he concentrated on the deep and intense strokes inside of her.

But it was almost as if there was something different, she had no idea if the expensive room had something to do with it, or maybe it was the dinner they had before, probably the alcohol, but her body was on fire, nerves out and head already empty.

“Jeno,” she could barely sputter out, trying hard to focus on his frame.

“Yes, bunny, just let go,” he replied before kissing her again, hips fucking against her in a steady rhythm that was already triggering another orgasm out of her. “I want your brain empty,” he moaned. “Don’t want you to worry about anything, just — just focus on me.” His finger quickly pressed against her clit, a buzzing sensation sparkling up in her body, climax hitting before she could even do anything, leaving her gasping with eyes open at the unexpected wave of pleasure.

Jeno didn’t stop though, he had no intention of being nice that night, he meant it when he said he wanted her brain empty.

She could barely whine in complaint when he pulled out, swiftly turning her over, strong arms turning her around as if she was lightweight, and that only made her cunt squeeze around nothing. In a few seconds his cock was inside her again, hitting deeper and harder.

“So pretty, bunny, so fucking pretty,” he moaned, cupping her asscheeks with rough tugs.

“Jeno, I —”

“I told you, you don’t have to think,” he groaned. “Need to fuck you harder. Come here.” He pulled out again and lifted her up in his arms, walking around the bed.

She wanted to ask what he wanted to do and if standing up was a smart idea but his words shut her up, he knew what he was doing, she just had to trust him. A scream rippled out of her mouth when his arms slipped behind her knees, holding them up flat against her chest while his cock slipped into her again. Her head rolled back but Jeno groaned, “Keep your head up, I want you to look at me fuck you stupid.”

Moans and whimpers rolled out of her mouth, barely thinking he already fucked her stupid, he couldn’t do more than this. But Jeno still proved her wrong, they never tried this position before and she felt like her breath was getting caught out. It wasn’t only the position, it was the way his toned arms were flexing with the struggle of fucking her up and down on him, it was the thin layer of sweat pearling his smooth skin, it was in the way his moans and groans hit right against her ear and drove her insane.

Jeno was everywhere, all over her, inside and outside.

“See how pretty you are? How good your pussy’s opening up to me?”

She shook her head, too ashamed to let her eyes meet her reflection in the mirror right where their bodies were meeting.

“Look down, come on bunny,” he ordered, locking his fingers behind her neck and forcing her head down.

She moaned louder, the lewd image of cum dripping down his balls and to the floor and the wet sounds caused by his deep thrusts, making her toes curl up.

“I’m — I’m clo-close,” she whimpered, tears starting to pool at the corners of her eyes.

Jeno wanted to tease her and tell her to hold it but he couldn’t hold it anymore, and he wanted to wear her out. So his hips started moving faster, hitting her wet spot and making her come in his arms, triggering his orgasm too. He almost fell down on the bed before he laid her down on the mattress.

“More, please, one more,” she begged, voice hoarse and eyes shiny from tears. “Want to feel you again.”

“My stupid bunny wants more?” Jeno cooed, fingers slipping inside her, making her shiver, pumping in and out just to tease, thumb rubbing her clit sending sparks down her body. “Want more cock? Need more cock, bunny?”

She hummed, lips trapped in her teeth, chest heaving, and sweat rolling down her forehead.

A grin formed on his face before he pushed inside her again, “So warm and wet, bunny. So fucking good for me.”

A fucked out smile showed on her face but there were truly no thoughts, not coherent at least, in her brain. Too fogged by pleasure and him.

And Jeno was getting high at the sight of her, nobody else distracting her from him. It was only them. Chants of his name the only word that came out of her plump, swollen lips, together with soft moans and cries.

“So, pretty, you’re — fuck — you’re so, so pretty,” he groaned, pulling her closer to him, lifting her hips, hitting deeper, fingers dipping with force in the skin of her waist. “My beautiful, precious bunny.”

The praise shouldn’t have had that effect on her and her heart but it did, because after all that time it still felt surreal that she was his, that after years of yearning she was there, in his arms, that those words and that love were for her. It wasn’t a fantasy anymore, it was their reality.

“Jeno,” his name came out like a scream, hips rolling back, making him slip even further, causing him to growl at the sight and how much he could feel her. He was about to lose it again, his brain spinning swiftly too as he got lost in the way his cock was stretching her, slipping back and forth with quick strokes. Cum spilling out of her. “Please.”

“Please, what? Tell me what you want. If there’s any thought left in your empty brain, bunny, tell me what you need.”

She gasped, nails clenching around the bedding, and jaw locked while hisses rippled out. “Your — your cum, please, please, please,” she wept, tears rolling down her burning cheeks, broken sobs muffling her moans.

Jeno’s hips started slamming faster against her ass and thighs, so fast she wondered how he didn’t leave marks on her skin. His eyes rolled back when her cunt started squeezing around him with more force, barely giving him space to pull out and fuck into her.

“Gonna come all over my cock?” He groaned, cupping her cheek, running his hand in her wet hair, before his thumb circled her cheek, rubbing the burning hot skin. “Yeah? All empty in the brain and full in your cunt?”

“Y-yeah, please,” her voice broke in her throat when the pleasure became unbearable, back arching forming a bow and orgasm rushing all over her body leaving no trace of sanity behind.

The groans coming from Jeno were groggy and deep, almost animalistic, cunt incredibly tight sucking him, cock throbbing inside her while spurts of white painted her insides. “Fuck,” Jeno muttered through gritted teeth, climax dimming slowly, eyes dropping on her face, tears still rolling copiously on her cheeks and lips letting out heavy puffs of air.

“You okay?” He asked, lips leaving wet kissing on her jaw, fingers caressing her hair while he slowly pulled out, a river of cum dripping down on the mattress. She could barely nod, eyes already shut, and a small smile on her face. Jeno grinned, kissing her lips, and pulling her close in his arms, he would’ve cleaned her later.

“I love you so much, bunny, even more when you go dumb on me.”

Jeno didn’t like it when she lied. And lately, it was happening too often.

He didn’t even mind if she could feel that he was mad from the way he was looking at her, or that he seemed more distant.

Why?

Why was she lying? Why was she treating Jaehyun like a secret?

“You’re home already?” He asked surprised when he heard the sound of the keys in the slot door. He knew she was home, he was staring out of the window when he saw her get out of a car that wasn’t his, and not even of their friends, and he even knew who dropped her by.

“Yeah, finished early,” she replied, rushing to him to leave a peck on his lips. “But I didn’t want to make you run there so I came alone.”

“Took the metro?” He asked, raising a brow, staring at her as she stretched and slumped next to him on the sofa.

She hummed without looking at him, busy trying to grab the remote controller to turn the tv on.

“You know I don’t like when you take the metro,” he said, trying to don’t make his voice come out like a growl. No, he didn’t like the metro, but he liked it even less if Jaehyun drove her home. And he liked it even less when she lied to him.

“I know, but as I said, I didn’t want to bother,” she replied, leaning close to him. He glared at her, but she couldn’t see. “It was empty anyway.”

That wasn’t the first time she lied, but it was the last straw.

They were mostly white lies, but Jeno couldn’t understand why she felt the need to tell them. What had happened to be honest with each other? And most importantly, what did she have to hide?

He had to act.

“Did you hear something about crime rates being higher, lately?” She asked out of the blue, it was late during a Wednesday night but they both were still up because they couldn’t sleep.

“Crimes?” Jeno asked, tilting his head to look at her, expecting to find her with the phone in hand, maybe asking the question after reading an article.

“Yeah…” she replied, “Jaehyun told me that he found all the tires of his car slashed,” she sighed, thinking about what he told her that morning, she couldn’t stop thinking about it. “He was terrified, didn’t sleep all night and was still shaking when he told me what happened.”

Jeno had to suppress the smirk that was forming on his face and replaced it with a sad pout. “Oh, that sucks.”

Oh, that worked.

“But no, I didn’t hear anything, if that calms you down,” he added, upper body twisting so he could look at her and caress her face.

She hummed, smiling at him. “He was so shaken that he took a week off, and I think he went to stay for a while at a friend’s place.”

Jeno’s face wasn’t showing the emotions that were going through his mind. But he still couldn’t get why she cared so much about him. And all that for some slashed tires? What kind of man he was?

“Maybe some time off will be good to think,” slipped out his mouth and she quirked a brow.

“To think?”

“Yeah, to process it. And realize that it surely must’ve been a mistake or you know, those teenagers that have fun making trouble.”

“Oh,” she said, only then getting what he meant. “I guess so.”

“He’s a grown man, anyway. I’m sure he has nothing to be afraid of.”

She hummed, moving closer to him. “But it must suck being all alone. I’m so glad I have you, I have nothing to be afraid of.”

Jeno smiled before kissing her.

Maybe sanity was starting to fill her brain again.

No, bunny, you have nothing to be afraid of as long as you have me.

“How do I look?” She asked swirling around, showing off the thigh-length pink dress.

“Beautiful, bunny. Where are you going?”

“To the disco, the Kaleido.”

“There?” He asked, a furrow on his face.

“Why?”

“Oh, nothing, not a big fan of that place,” he said, showing nonchalance, sure, not happy about her night out but also too lost in the way she looked.

“You’ll start drooling if you keep looking at me like that,” she joked, drifting her eyes away from his intense gaze. It was the look he had on his face when he wanted to fuck her and she couldn’t say no to that look. But she really wanted to go out with her friends, she couldn’t let him keep her at home.

“You look amazing in that dress,” Jeno hummed like a melody, getting up from the couch and hugging her. “But I’d love to see it on the floor.”

“Not now, Jeno,” she replied, trying to push him off, smiling at the pout that formed on his face. He almost looked cute as if two seconds before he didn’t look like a starving animal eager to eat her alive.

“Let me at least kiss you then.” Their lips met in a heated kiss before she could say anything. His hands cupped her ass and lifted her up.

“Jeno,” she moaned in the kiss, heart jumping in her chest because she loved when he held her like this and he was the only thing keeping her from falling.

“What?” The smirk on his face was smug and in his voice there were hints of arrogance.

“You know we won’t stop if you keep doing this.”

“Fine,” he sighed, letting her feet meet the floor again, looking at her in awe. “You know what I’m thinking?”

She scoffed, “How badly you want to fuck me?”

Jeno rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “How lucky I am to have you.”

“Stop,” she whined, pushing him away playfully, trying to calm her heart from beating so fast. She hated how pathetic he made her. Like a teenage girl hearing her first compliment from her crush.

“You truly are the best thing that ever happened to me.”

She turned around, eyes skimming the clock before going back on him that was sitting on the couch again. “Are you trying to win my heart to get to my pussy?”

“I was just telling you how much I love you,” he pouted before making her sit on his lap. “One kiss before you go?”

She leaned in, kissing him with the intention of pulling back soon after but it was like Jeno was drawing her in, and in a second her hands were in his hair while his caressed her back. She really should’ve pulled back but instead, her body turned to him and when her hips started grinding against his lap, the groan that rolled out of Jeno’s lips was the last straw that made her change her mind.

“You’re not going anywhere tonight,” he moaned, lifting her up, and flipping her body against the couch.

His hands were fast on her body, lifting the pink dress over her shoulders, leaving her half exposed to him.

“Gonna give you a good reason to make you stay here every time, so you don’t even think about going in a dirty, shitty disco club.”

Her head rolled back, ashamed at how hot she found him and his voice. Ashamed that she found him so attractive when he turned so protective.

“Jeno,” she cried out when he wrapped his lips around her covered cunt, wetting the panties as he sucked her lips and pulled away with a loud pop. “White lace, wore this for who? Some average man that doesn’t know how to fuck you right?”

She shook her head, trapping her lip in her teeth when he started to rub her clit through the underwear. “For you.”

“For me?” He snickered, tilting his head to the side. “And you were going to leave me?”

“When I — when I came home,” she whined, rolling her head back in reaction to his mouth wrapping around her again. His slick soaking the panties with every rough movement of his tongue and lips working in sync.

“They were already wet,” he hummed against her, nose rubbing against her clit, sparking fire into her. “Should be glad I added to mess to hide how desperate you are.”

“Nngh,” she blubbered, nails scratching the sofa, moving her feet messily to get rid of the heels so she could plant herself on the surface under her.

“That’s it, just moan for me, no need to answer. You are desperate. Always have been, always will be.” Jeno’s fingers pressed against her entrance, the cold of the wet panties sticking to her skin making her shiver even more, adding to the teasing of her hole begging to be filled and sucks on her clit.

“You — you’re messy,” she breathed out, looking down at Jeno and how wet she was down there.

“I am messy?” He asked, chuckling, pulling away, ripping the panties off her before facing her cunt again. “This,” he collected the cum dripping out of her, “it’s not mine. But if you want I can add to your mess,” he smirked before spitting loudly on her clit. Her head rolled back, eyes squeezing shut and lips parting open. “I will give you that we are messy.”

No reply came from her when he restarted where he had stopped, eating her out loudly and intensely. Strong hands wrapped around her thighs and ass to keep her spread open and deep moans vibrating through her body making her stomach twitch.

It wasn’t possible to hold back the pleasure, so strong it was almost painful as he kept torturing her clit with sucks and licks, riding the waves of pleasure until she was left hiccupping on moans and sobs.

“Jeno,” she screamed out, hands pushing on his head to pull him away. Shame creeping on her body when he lifted his head and his chin was covered in her juices.

“Fuck, I — I need to warn them I won’t go,” she breathed hard, lifting her upper body up, and turning around to look for her phone.

“Searching for this?” Jeno asked, pulling it from behind him where her small black bag laid.

She hummed, shaky hands searching for her friends’ contact as soon as she could and she was about to do it if only Jeno didn’t slip two fingers inside her, phone falling badly on her chest as the grip on it loosened.

“Jeno, please.”

“Text your friends,” he ordered, pumping his fingers faster. “Tell them you can’t go because getting fucked is so much better than dancing with them all night. Tell them how badly you need me and my body.”

The moan that rolled out of her lips was embarrassing, a natural affirmative response to his dirty insinuation.

“I — I need to come up with — fuck — an excuse,” she cried, fingers typing out words before she cancelled them over and over again.

“No excuses baby, tell them the truth. Tell them how desperate you are. Tell them how you started grinding on me like a bitch in heat.”

“Fuck,” she moaned. Swiftly typing, ‘can’t come, period came before the due day, hurts like hell.’

“Did you tell them?” Jeno asked and she could feel the smirk on his face even if her eyes were closed. “No? You don’t want them to know? Want to keep this a secret all to ourselves?”

“Yes,” she breathed out, hips jerking against his palm. “Need you.”

“Oh, I know you do,” he cooed, pulling out to slap her clit sharply. “Dripped all over my hand, stained my new couch with your arousal.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, trying to say more before Jeno cut her flow of air, slipping into her cunt with no warning. “Jeno, fuck,” she cried out, eyes wide open, staring down where they met.

“Didn’t you want this?”

She nodded, trapping her lips so tight it started bleeding. “Yeah, yeah.” Her head rolled back since he immediately started with powerful fast strokes, pushing her legs flat against her chest, sliding into her deeply.

“You’re so pretty when you look like a mess under me, bunny. No trace of that innocent girl you used to be,” his voice was deep, rumbling in her ears while he lowered to mark her neck.

“Do-don’t…”

“Don’t?” He snickered. “Don’t want me to mark you? Don’t want people to know you’re mine?”

She mumbled no sense.

“As I thought, it’s not your place to think, bunny. I got it. I know what’s best for you, fuck,” he groaned, sinking his teeth deep into her skin, ripping a scream out of her throat. “Gotta make sure nobody comes close to you, baby girl.”

“I — I wouldn’t let them,” she whimpered, back arching when he started thrusting into her harder.

“I know, you’re my good bunny, aren’t you? You know who you belong to. Who do you belong to?”

“You, I — I — fuck — belong to you.”

“Good bunny, good fucking bunny,” he groaned before he kissed her again, roughly and messily, pushing her legs up, hips slamming against her ass with loud sounds that resonated in the whole room.

“Jeno,” she screamed, pleasure fucking her brain just as hard as he was fucking her physically. It was true she didn’t have anybody but him, her ex aside, but fuck, he was so good, he knew exactly what she wanted and needed. It wasn’t possible to resist it.

“Wanna come? Already?”

She moved her head swiftly, threads of moans slurring out of her lips as the knot on her stomach tightened incredibly hard.

Jeno groaned, “Fuck, you’re so perfect taking my cock, bunny. So, so good for me. Come for me, come for me, do it,” he urged, rubbing her clit, making her body still as the orgasm hit her hard. “Fuck,” he growled, head falling in the crook of her neck. “Always so fucking tight and warm.”

She didn’t reply, no more air in her lungs to emit a single sound but it seemed that Jeno wasn’t done at all.

“Come here,” he ordered, pulling out and moving her so that her elbows were resting on the couch back rest.

“What — what are you doing?”

“Fucking you again.”

“A-agai — fuck,” she gasped when his cock eased into her swollen cunt another time, pushing out a disgusting amount of cum and stretching her sensitive walls more.

“I can’t let your night go to wasted with just one round, bunny.”

She hummed, head falling limp in front of her, body trembling because it was the third round technically and she felt weak in the knees. She wanted to whimper how good it was, but she could only cry out moans and whimpers, the position too good, sending the waves of pleasure straight to her brain like electric shocks, knocking her out.

“You love it when I fuck you like this, don’t you?” She hummed. “I know, bunny, I know. Feels so good, doesn’t it? Cock turning you into a brainless mess, you love not having anything to worry about.”

“Yes.”

Jeno slapped her ass. “Maybe I should fuck you here.” He spat, saliva dripping on her rim, thumb pressing against the tight hole.

“Jeno, no,” she cried out, cracking her neck to turn toward him.

“Don’t want that? Don’t want me to fuck your pretty ass?”

She shook her head, pussy clenching when he kept pressing on it without pushing past the tight ring of nerves. “Feels wrong.”

“Oh, bunny, no. You’re with me, it can’t feel wrong.”

She wanted to articulate more but the thoughts weren’t even forming in her brain. Jeno surely wasn’t going to do it anyway, so she let it fall. But when she felt the tip of his thumb press in she turned around. “Jeno, no.”

“Just my thumb,” he whispered, leaning in to kiss her. “Can you take just my thumb? I won’t even move it.”

Her eyes moved around with rapid movements, shame creeping up on her just at the idea. And he smirked. “Oh, bunny, you think it’s too nasty?”

She nodded, biting her lips, and drifting her gaze.

“No, look at me,” he ordered, cupping her chin with his free hand. “It’s not nasty for me, nothing of you will push me away.”

She blabbered something but it wasn’t a proper answer, more like another useless complain or vain try to make it make sense.

“Let me take care of you.” When another loud spit sound filled the room, she closed her eyes, too ashamed to focus on what he was doing. Moans choking her when he pushed his entire thumb in, never stopping the hard thrusts of his hips.

“Was it so — fuck — so traumatic?”

She shook her head, finding it odd but not painful, somehow feeling his thumb press against her front and rub against his cock that was stretching her wide.

“I told you, you have to trust me, bunny.”

“I — I do,” she whimpered, voice almost gone.

“Touch your clit,” he ordered, head rolling back when she immediately followed the instructions. “That’s my good girl, fuck. Rub it fast.”

Their moans got louder, the pleasure doubling when she started touching herself, her walls clenching around him tighter, wetness dripping out with every move.

“Fuck, so tight I can barely pull out of you,” he groaned, jaw clenched and head thrown back, some strands of black hair falling on his forehead. “So good, the best in the whole fucking world, bunny. My perfect girl.”

The comment got to her head, fingers stopping for a second as it was getting harder to concentrate on anything, even if it brought more pleasure.

“Please, wanna come,” she babbled, looking past her shoulder to glance at him.

Jeno pulled out of her ass, grabbing her wrists and holding them together behind her back.

“Want to come?”

She nodded swiftly, drool dripping out of the corners of her lips, shamelessly rolling down her chin and dripping on her boobs.

“Say thank you,” he groaned, pulling her hair back, pressing her flat against his broad chest. “Come on, babe, you can do it.”

“Tha-thank you,” she cried, “thank you, thank you, thank you.”

“Fuck,” he groaned, hips slamming against her ass with so much force to leave marks behind. Pace faltering when she clenched around him and came, tight walls squeezing so much they triggered his orgasm too, emptying himself into her with loud moans.

“Oh, God,” she screamed, clenching her teeth and trying to let her head fall but it was impossible in his firm hold. Feeling another orgasm rip out of her. “Thank you, tha-thank you.”

Jeno huffed, body collapsing on hers, pressing her against the backrest. “You’re welcome,” he moaned, kissing her shoulder and smirking when he saw her lidded eyes. “You’re so welcome.”

“Another weekend where you won’t be here?” Ningning asked, positioning the phone better so her friend could see her and not the make-up she was applying.

“Can you please hire me for this new job, too?” Yeri joked, coming into the frame, and pushing her blonde friend to the side.

She chuckled, shaking her head at her friends’ antics. “It’s not with the job money.”

“Your dad?”

“Nope, not even him.”

“Oh, God, you have a sugar daddy and you didn’t tell us?” Ningning squealed, sitting better on the bed, almost pushing Yeri on the floor.

“Shut up, I just won’t be here,” she huffed, tucking her hair behind her ear.

“Are we even sure we’re doing that bbq? It should rain on Sunday,” Yeri commented, watching the weather app on her phone.

“It’s raining? I should warn Jeno —” She chuckled awkwardly, trying to quickly come up with something to fix her mistake, “he’s driving you there, right?”

But her friends were already staring at her with an expression mixed with shock, curiosity and incredulity.

“What are you hiding? Be honest.”

“Nothing,” she replied, trying to fake her honest voice but they knew her, even if her hands weren’t in the frame they could bet their life she was pulling a hangnail nervously and her anxious nibbling on her lower lip was a giveaway she was lying.

“Nothing my ass,” the blonde said, placing a closed fist on her hips and glaring at her. “What’s going on between you and your mortal enemy.”

She licked her lips before sighing undefeated. “Promise you won’t tell my brother?” And those words were all it took for them to erupt in a loud cheer from the screen of their phones. And she couldn’t really resist their questions and soon she found herself explaining them everything — well, partially everything, she surely couldn’t talk about the bet. But she was finally free to rant about her story, too. It was thrilling, she only had one boyfriend all her life and it had been some time before Jeno, so she was never the one going around telling her love adventures.

“So, he’s been spoiling you all this time and you didn’t tell us anything?”

“He just takes me on those trips almost every weekend. It’s a nice getaway. He says it’s to stay away from everybody. Just us.”

Her friends cheered again, complaining how they deserved someone that would spoil them so much too, and also still shocked because he was the last person they expected would treat her like that. “And wait, are you planning on moving in with him?”

“He asked me to, but technically we’re a secret.”

“Not anymore,” Yeri exclaimed, pointing between her and Ningning.

“Well, yes, nobody else knows. And please, keep it like this.”

“But why? Is this your choice or his?”

She forced a smile on her face, the whole thing still made her quite said, but tried not to show it. “His, just because of Jaemin.”

“I don’t think Jaemin would mind,” Ningning said, and Yeri nodded in agreement.

“I don’t know, he’s so balked about this whole thing…”

“Maybe you should talk to him. You make such a pretty couple, it’s a shame the world doesn’t get to see it.”

And with the idea of maybe finally being free in plain daylight, she confessed to him that it slipped and her friends knew. Sure, she knew he wasn’t going to be happy about it, but she wasn’t even expecting this reaction.

“What do you mean they know?” His tone was calm, scarily calm, the typical one that promised a storm.

“They were asking why I was away again and one thing led to another and then I brought you up out of nowhere.” The smile on her face dropped when after looking into his eyes she saw they were dark and a furrow was almost connecting his brows.

“You’re fucking absurd.”

“What? Why are you mad?”

“Why am I mad?” He asked, a bitter, low, scary, chuckle rolling out of his lips. “You had one thing to do. We had a promise, we fucking swore to don’t tell this to anybody.”

“They basically dragged it out of my mouth,” she tried to defend herself. “We were talking and you crossed my mind and it slipped.”

“Yeah, you never do anything thinking about the consequences of it. First, you didn’t mean to dance with Haechan, then you didn’t mean to cut me off your life for a month, and you didn’t mean to always stay late at your job. You never mean it. You just fuck things up. You don’t think about me. And I have to act cool about it.”

She stood there frozen, chest moving faster as she felt her pulse accelerating. “Why are you…” she stopped, shaking her head. “Okay, half of these things are not my fault or are not real. I fucked this up because I was thinking about you. They asked why I couldn’t be at their bbq and I said I was busy and then Yeri brought up that it was raining and I thought about telling you. It was a whisper but they heard and it’s not my fault you don’t even want to pretend we’re friends. Maybe like that I could’ve hidden it, I could’ve made them believe that your name crossed my mind, but do I have to remind you that people think we hate each other?”

He snorted. “People think I hate you. Everybody knows you have a crush on me, so yeah, you could’ve found a way to turn this over. But I guess gossiping with your friends it’s better than thinking about our relationship.”

“I think about our relationship. How is this damaging for us?”

“Are you for real?”

She groaned, clenching her fists hard, “Yeah, stop… stop doing this and just answer me.”

“Your little friends can’t keep their noisy mouths shut, so guess who will find out?”

She rolled her eyes, head moving back in an exasperated movement. “You grew up with him why are you so afraid of my brother? Are you hiding something? Are you once again hiding something from me?”

“God dammit. You see, in every fight you do this. You always bring it there. I don’t want people to come between us. I don’t want people to speculate about me and you. I don’t want people that never cared for you to come between us just so they can drag you away from me.”

“But he’s my brother how could he? He only would do it if he knew something about you that I don’t know about… and it wouldn’t be surprising.” The last words were supposed to be a whisper but nervousness made them come out like a bitter retort.

“It wouldn’t be surprising?” Jeno asked, raising a brow. “Fine, you know what, tell your friends that just how they found out we’re together they find out we’re done.”

“What?” Her eyes snapped open on him, thinking she heard wrong, that a small thing like that couldn’t lead to this, but there wasn’t a sign of joking on his face.

“You don’t trust me. You lie to me. Always. You… you don’t love me. Why do I have to be with you like this?”

“I do, I never said I don’t. Jeno, please, don’t,” she almost screamed when he tried to walk past her.

He sighed, crossing his arms on his chest and staring down at her. “Then why do you say those things? What would I hide from you? I do nothing but treat you like a fucking princess all day, protect you from all the shit that happens in your life, take you to pretty places to be together, and spoil you some more and you think I have something to hide from your brother, or you. Tell him,” he ordered, making her shake at the coldness of his tone and the tenseness of his jaw. “I said, pick the fucking phone up and call him.”

“No — no,” she stuttered, backing away, feeling the tears clog her throat.

“No?” He cooed, tilting his head. “Now you don’t want to? Why? You were so eager to let your brother know you’re dating me, what happened? This is a fucking revenge, isn’t it? He mocked you since he first found out you were head over heels for me and now you have to slap him with our relationship. That’s all I am to you. A vendetta.”

“What? No, why would you… what makes you think that?”

“The way you act makes me think that. The way you need constant validation from others because you can’t think with your brain. Once it’s your father and then it’s your friends and then it’s your brother. Why can’t you just enjoy what you live for yourself? Why do you want the whole world to know what you do or who you love? You need them to side with you, right? Were they happy? Were they cheering for you? Do you think they are truly happy for you?”

She didn’t know what to say, dumbfounded by his attack of words and the emotions she was feeling.

“They… they are my friends, I… I just wanted to share how good you make me feel.”

He nodded dismissively. “Sure, they will always have your back, always stick up for you and support you, right? Until you do something they don’t like…”

“They are not like that, they care about me, they were so happy for us —”

“Yeah, and how long will it take for that happiness to turn into jealousy? How long will it take before they will go around putting weird thoughts in your mind? Making fears and doubts creep in?”

“They… they—”

“They won’t ever do it, yeah, I know. You still can’t see who you surround yourself with,” he almost groaned, tugging his hair, irritated.

“I… I’m sorry,” she whispered, voice trembling. “I will tell them it was a joke, you, you can… we could fight tomorrow if we go with them so they will believe me. I didn’t… I would’ve never imagined it could hurt you this bad or else I wouldn’t have done that…” Her eyes could barely look at him, even if his face had softened all of a sudden, and his shoulders had dropped while he started walking closer to her. She hated being a disappointment and it seemed that with every step she took she would hurt him.

“I’m not mad for me. I’m mad because I know my reputation and what people think of me, and I don’t want their biases to haunt you too. I don’t want their ignorance about my persona to make you fall out of love with me. I don’t want them to drift us away because we deserve each other. You… God, life has been so unfair to you and now that you have a good thing, I’m sure people will try to take it away from you. That’s why I’m so mad. That’s why I wanted you to keep this, us, a secret, your little secret that nobody could ruin and stain with their unwanted opinions.”

She hummed, bringing her thumb to her lips and biting the skin while looking at the floor, trying to hide that and the tears that were filling her eyes to the brim.

“Your friends might not do it, I give them the benefit of doubt, but everyone will know, and some other people will love to try to burst our bubble of happiness apart. And I don’t want it taken away from you. You deserve happiness. You deserve to be loved, so loved that… that your heart will explode with how much love you’re feeling. I don’t want people to hurt you.”

She nodded, falling into his hold. It always ended like this. Her poison and her remedy.

“I’m doing this for you, bunny,” he whispered, breath fanning against her hair, while his hands caressed her back. “Everything I do is to protect you.”

There were many reasons why Jeno didn’t want to be public, but one of them was that since their friends knew about them, they were forced to go out together. He couldn’t use the excuse of hating having her so close and not being able to touch her, or kiss her, or even talk to her because technically they couldn’t even stand each other before they dated to convince her to stay at home.

And so here he was, trying to make his way into a crowd of people, looking for her. She walked away from their booth to get drinks by now more than five minutes ago and he was starting to worry.

“Where the fuck is she?” Jeno murmured to himself, gagging when someone hit him, sweaty bodies getting on his last nerve. “God, when I find her…” But there she was, at the bar counter, drinks in front of her while a man was talking to her.

He stared at the scene, trying to calm himself before reacting badly. He couldn’t react there. And he was trying to, he really was. That was until the man’s hands lingered a little too close to her and his eyes bored holes into her, staring at her as if he wanted something more. Something that belonged to him and him only.

“What the fuck do you want from her?” Jeno’s voice coming out in a growl made her jump, scooting over to give him space to move between her and the stranger.

“We were just talking,” she replied, confused by his reaction.

“Just talking? You just don’t see how men look at you, don’t you?”

“Man, calm down.”

“Don’t give me that tone and don’t look at me like that,” Jeno warned, glaring at the stranger, fist clenching at his side.

“Getting too heated up for a cheap slu—” he didn’t finish the remark, a punch hit him straight in his face, making him stumble backwards.

“What the fuck!” The man screamed, touching his aching face in surprise.

“You watch your mouth before you talk about her.”

“Nobody wants to steal her from you,” the man replied, the arrogant grin on his face still there.

“You seemed rather interested.”

“Her ass is all out man, everyone would want to smash,” he mocked, and Jeno was about to punch him again but she pulled him away, blocking his wrist.

“Let’s go home,” she whispered, a fight in public was the last thing she wanted to happen.

“Yeah, go home to fuck her like she has been begging me to… if you can satisfy her.”

She was about to tell him that she never said those things but Jeno slipped out of her hold before she could do anything. The mess that blew up was enough to make a crowd surround them, their friends included, and Jeno only stopped punching that man when Haechan, Jisung and Mark pulled him away.

“Man, stop it! Come on, stop it,” Haechan shouted, trying to block him.

“You know shit about what he said,” Jeno retorted, eyes fuming and chest panting.

“We should go,” she intervened, shielding his body, hoping nobody there pulled out a phone and filmed a video if they both wanted to have their reputation intact. That was the last thing she needed to get on her father’s nerves more and disinherit her forever. “Jeno, come on, let’s go home,” she said, cupping his face to make him look at her and not at the man behind them.

“Are you okay?” Ningning asked her, going for a hug, but Jeno’s arm came between them as he moved his girlfriend to the other side.

“She’s fine, we’re going home,” he snarled, giving a quick glance at the others.

“You won’t even tell us what happened?” Haechan asked, shocked by the way he was behaving. Jeno never backed down from troubles but get into a fight? And for his girlfriend? Haechan had flirted with some of them straight to his face and Jeno never blinked an eye, so what the hell was going on there?

“It’s none of your business.” And with that, they walked out of there under their friends’ shocked gazes. She could barely follow his hurried steps while she looked back and murmured apologies to her friends.

The ride back home was silent, music blasted to shut down their thoughts. And she felt grateful for that because she couldn’t hide how scared she was at the moment. Jeno never acted like that, the punches that crashed against that man’s face were hard and full of strength and she wondered what else would’ve caused that reaction in him.

He didn’t believe what that man told him, right? He wasn’t mad at her, too? She wasn’t sure and she was too terrified to even ask one of the thousands of questions that were tormenting her. Jeno probably had his own version of the story and would’ve never listened to hers, probably he would’ve even blamed her because at the start he had proposed to get the drinks while she waited with the girls, but no, she had to insist and now here they were.

When the car stopped, she gulped hardly before making her way out, the slam of the driver’s door, causing her to jump in her place. Jeno didn’t even spare her a glance as he walked to the porch, broad shoulders lifted up and head low, jaw tense enough it could cut like a knife.

She tried to don’t cry, at least to don’t sob like a child, but it was hard when the front door closed behind them and he still didn’t say a word.

“You — you’re bleeding.” Her voice was shaking, broken by silent tears that were all clogged up in her throat.

“I’m fine,” Jeno replied while sitting on the couch with his head low.

So that was it? Acting as if nothing happened?

“I didn’t tell him those things, I was trying to go back to you when he kept talking to me.” She couldn’t go to sleep with no closure, she couldn’t sleep with him by her side if she didn’t feel safe knowing he wasn’t mad at her.

The sound that came out of his lips startled her, a laugh? A bitter sigh? She couldn’t describe it, but she couldn’t even get it because there was no reason for anything other than ‘I know, I’m not mad at you,’ to come out of his mouth.

“If it’s not him, it’s somebody else…” Jeno whispered, head still low, lips pulled in a tight, bitter smirk that she couldn’t see — luckily she couldn’t see, or else it would’ve scared her even more.

“Who are you talking about? I spent the entire night with you. I thought we were having fun until that happened.”

When Jeno got up, she took a step back, heart jumping in her throat but he didn’t walk toward her, he didn’t even answer as he made his way to their bedroom.

She took a deep breath and ran after him. Yeah, ran. Like always. Running after him like they were on a wheel, running until her feet hurt and the pain was unbearable.

“Jeno?”

“Leave me alone.”

“I can’t leave you alone, I didn’t do anything, it’s not fair that we go to bed angry because of a stranger.”

“It wouldn’t have happened if you listened to me and stayed home,” he remarked while he unbuttoned his shirt, bleeding knuckles staining the white texture. She shivered at how it seemed that he wasn’t feeling any type of pain, before her brain turned its attention to his words.

“You’re blaming me?” Her brow quirked, and her lips twitched in a confused grin.

“Who’s the one that always wants to go out with them? Who’s the one that hates spending some fucking time with me alone? Who’s the one that never listens to the other? I told you to stay with your dear friends and let me handle the drinks, but you had to go there, alone. Wearing that skimpy dress that had already attracted too much unwanted attention on you. But you don’t notice, you never notice anything of what goes around you. Too busy dancing and swinging your hips because you have me to protect you and you know it, but then I do, I protect you, and I am the bad guy.”

Her brain tried to follow him, but he was saying so many things, accusing her, attacking her, defending her, loving her that she didn’t even know what to say or how to feel.

“We — we were together, I thought you enjoyed it as long as we were together,” she mumbled the only things her brain could come up with, the only things that seemed to make sense.

“I hate those things.”

She blinked. He had spent his high school and college years throwing parties, how could he hate them now? But she had no time to dwell over that because his words were falling on her like a rain of arrows, attacking from any side, leaving her too astonished to actually react.

“But you wouldn’t know. You’re too busy paying attention to your friends that barely know you. They don’t even care about you. Have you seen how they were looking at me because I defended you? They hate you. They don’t think you’re deserving of love and protection. If he said the same things to their faces they would’ve laughed and maybe even encouraged you to leave with him.”

“Ningning would never, she was worried about me.”

“She always drags you into these problems first, don’t you see? She convinced you to go to Hyuck’s party and didn’t pay attention to you. She makes you buy all these dresses that bring trouble. She started talking to you seriously again just so she could arrive at Haechan.”

She stared at him, tears falling down her cheeks silently. “That’s not true. She was in China, of course, she didn’t talk to me just as much.”

“Good, also licking her ass because licking your father’s not enough.”

“Leave them out of this,” she tried to fight back, but all the rational thoughts had seemed to slip out of her mind. “And I’m free to dress however I want. If they look at me, they are the disgusting pervs, you can’t get mad at me.”

“Good, next time I’ll let him touch you, call you a slut, and why not, maybe even fuck you in the middle of the club so you’re happy about it.”

“I never said any of those things,” she cried, fingers dangling in her hair, feeling at her limit. “Can we please talk?”

“We are talking, you don’t want to listen to the truth,” he hissed, walking past her to go out but she stopped him.

“You’re still bleeding.”

“As if you care about me.”

She stared at his back in disbelief. How did a night out turn into this?

“I love you,” she screamed, opening the bathroom door he had closed himself into.

“Then prove it to me. You almost left me for a month, then you only focused on your job and your new little friend, and now you always spend time with our group of friends. Where am I in your life? Do I even matter anymore?”

“I can care about you and other people at the same time, it’s not, it’s not like one thing excludes the other, please. Be fucking serious.” She got mad. Voice louder and tone firmer as she gained back some confidence.

“See, you’re doing this again.”

“No,” she retorted firmly. “You are doing this. You are the fucking problem. Punching a man in public knowing our families’ reputations could go in shambles, treating our worried friends like shit because you think you have some kind of control over me and then coming to our home and treating me like shit because my life doesn’t revolve exclusively around you. You are insane. Fucking sick in the head.”

She was done. Head exploding and heart racing for the adrenaline and also for the fear that rushed down her spine when she met Jeno’s eyes. Black. Empty. Before they got back to normal. But she had no time to stay there and watch him going through his usual thousands of different changes.

Rushing back to the bedroom she grabbed her tote bag, opening the closet to put in some clothes for the night, and her phone.

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” Jeno groaned, reaching her at the front door with big steps.

“To Ningning’s, because she cares about me unlike you!”

When his hand wrapped around her wrist and with a swift movement he pulled her body from the door she gulped, shaking as she watched him lock the door before facing her again.

“You’re not going anywhere,” he said. “And don’t even think that I don’t care about you! Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe you are the problem. You never really forgave me about that stupid ass bet so you lead us here. Fighting because you don’t trust me. Screaming because my love is not enough. It will never be enough for you. Tell me what should I do. Tell me what the fuck should I do to show you how much I love you? Do you want me to go to the end of the world for you? Do you want me to climb the highest mountains? Do you want me to kill for you?”

Her breath got stuck in her throat when Jeno broke down crying, body slumping on the floor, knees cushioning the hit and head low as sobs resonated loudly through his ribcage.

She let her bag fall to the floor before her body did the same, kneeling in front of him to caress his wet face and meet his broken eyes.

Jeno had never cried.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, letting their forehead touch and pulling him closer. “I didn’t mean it, I was angry, I wasn’t in me. I would never think that your love is not enough, Jeno. I swear I forgave you, I trust you so much but… but all this screaming and crying and the way…” The way he talked to her. The way he twisted her words and used them against her, words that most of the time she didn’t even say. The way she never knew what to expect from him. All of that and so much more, fucked her up, but she didn’t say it. It was just a dumb fight, they were both tired and it happened. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not listening to you when you worry about me. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like I don’t love you enough. I do… I love you so much,” but I also love my friends, “I promise I’ll try to make up more time for you.”

Jeno hummed, falling apart in her hold, letting her warmth embrace him as tears wet her clothes and the blood still rolled down his hands.

“Let’s take a warm shower and heal those wounds,” she proposed, lifting his face, wiping away his tears, finding comfort in the way his eyes got back to normal, still sad, but there was no craziness behind them.

So water was running over their bodies, warming them up and washing away the tiredness and the adrenaline. Her hands combed his hair, massaging them gently before she started cleaning his body too.

“Is this scar new?” She asked when she reached his back and saw a scar she never saw before, it was a weird place, between his hip and thigh and it wasn’t too big but it looked like it had been sewed badly.

Jeno shivered when her hands ran there. “It was an accident.”

“An accident?” She asked, raising a brow, trying to read his expression.

Jeno only hummed. “I’m fine, I don’t want to talk about it now.”

“Yeah, it’s okay,” she replied and then finished in silence, but her brain still wondered there, it was an odd place to have a scar, especially if it was given by accident. What could’ve happened?

But she was too tired to let herself get dragged in that, so after getting out of the shower and dressing up again, she prepared the first aid kit to heal his wounds.

Jeno stared at her silently, following her fingers delicately moving on his knuckles, disinfecting the skin, cleaning the area, and then applying the band-aids with light pressure so it wouldn’t hurt.

“You also have some cuts on your face,” she pointed out, facing him, smiling when she saw how he was staring at her. “What?”

“Nothing,” he replied, voice still broken, coming out barely louder than a whisper. “I love you.”

She couldn’t hide the smile that spread her lips, and her eyes briefly looked down where his now banded hands were caressing her waist. “Stop it, I have to fix these cuts on your cheeks.”

“I’m not doing anything,” he smiled, brushing a strand of hair out of her face. “Just thinking how lucky I am to have you.”

“Then don’t scare me away,” she replied lightheartedly, leaning in to kiss him after she placed the bandaid on his cheekbone. She pulled away but Jeno’s lips were on hers again, and his hands moved on her back, pressing her against him.

“I won’t,” he whispered. “I love you so much it drives me crazy. I never felt something this strong, I never imagined I could feel something like this.”

Her head rolled back when his lips started kissing her neck and his hips ground up against hers, the top of her pj’s falling on the floor soon after, leaving her chest exposed.

“I’d hide you away from everything if I was sure that could never make you go through any kind of pain,” he whispered before his lips closed around her hard nipples, looking up at her teary eyes that were already staring at him.

“Then — don’t stop, don’t stop showing me what you feel for me.”

“There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do to prove how much I love you.”

“Is your sister alive?” Ningning asked Jaemin when she finally got him alone for a moment, they were hanging out like usual on Friday at their favorite place but even this time she passed.

Jaemin raised a brow, “I guess, aren’t you her best friend?”

The blonde shook her head, wetting her lips before talking, “I am, technically, but lately she’s... it’s like she’s disappeared.”

“Disappeared?”

“Yeah,” she sighed, “she almost never answers my texts, as you can see, she never hangs out with us anymore. I mean, I know she’s happy with Jeno but... she never struck me as the type that stops hanging out with her friends when she starts dating. I know her last relationship sucked and this one is like a fairytale but to me it’s odd.”

Jaemin hummed, well, she was his sister, but he never paid much attention to know if this was true. On the other hand, Jeno was truly a dream come true to her, he wasn’t surprised if after years of drooling over him, now that she finally got him, she was so hyped that she locked herself into their golden castle, or whatever their story seemed to be. But he knew Jeno and if he didn’t find it weird for his sister to be so in love, he found it weird how Jeno was so defensive of her. He never cared.

“Are you worried?”

Ningning took a deep breath, rubbing her temples and then meeting his eyes, “A bit, probably I’m just seeing things because I miss her but I don’t want her to isolate herself.”

Jaemin hummed, ��I think she’s just very happy she can finally have him, you know how obsessed she had always been with him.”

“I don’t know... Jeno is acting weird, I’m happy for them, I swear I am, but it’s hard to believe that’s him. We all know about his past.”

Jaemin let out a loud huff, yes, he knew it better than anybody else, and Jeno was never the romantic type.

“I can dig deeper into this if it makes you feel better,” he proposed, not really knowing why, but maybe just one talk and a beer with Jeno would've cleared their doubts.

“I’d appreciate, I feel like I can’t reach her lately and I’m worried sick.”

“Flowers?” She asked when she saw Jeno lean against his car, waiting outside of the building where she worked. She couldn’t hide the smile on her face or the way her heart was beating. Lately, he was spoiling her with little things every day, but it still brightened up her day.

“I saw them and thought of you,” Jeno replied, handing her the bouquet and opening the car door. “Get in,” his voice came out almost harsh but then turned sweet again, “so we can get home faster, you must be tired, right?”

She nodded, smiling harder, thinking that he was being so sweet, not even seeing that Jaehyun was passing right behind them and was trying to greet her goodbye. She didn’t even look outside, too busy studying the pretty flowers and the scent she loved so much, noticing how prettily they were wrapped in the pink paper.

“These are my favorites.”

“I know,” he replied without realizing it.

“You know?” She raised a brow, staring at him with a perplexed expression, but he was turned toward the window, focused on the street.

“Yeah,” he coughed, “you told me.”

She furrowed, trying to remember when, but then shrugged, she might’ve done it during one of her rants about anything and everything.

“How was your day?” He asked, changing the topic.

“Good, me and Jae are working on a new project together, it’s tiring but exciting.”

Jeno had to suppress a grunt. He hated the way his name, worse, his nickname, rolled on her tongue. He hated even more that she always found a way to slip him into conversations. This was about her day, not him. And he couldn’t even get what he had so special. He was bland and boring. A quick glance at his social confirmed everything he had to know about his personality after the few times he, unfortunately, had the chance to talk to him.

“I’m sure you’ll relax at home,” he replied, forcing a smile to form on his face. “I was thinking you should seriously move in with me. Now that everybody knows, you can take all your things and set them in my place. And then we can go and buy new things for the house so it will be truly ours.”

“Are the flowers to ask me to move in?” She giggled, still smelling their scent.

Jeno chuckled, “I popped the question months ago, bunny.”

“Yeah, but… it’s such a big step.” It was and she wasn’t sure she wanted to make it, sure, she loved sharing a place with him but what if things didn’t work out? Her father surely wouldn’t have wanted her back, she wouldn’t have had a place to go in case of an emergency.

“Where are you always? Where am I driving to?”

“Fine,” she gave up, rolling her eyes and huffing out a chuckle

“When was the last time you stayed at your place?”

“I had to go back there a few weeks ago, remember? My mom misses me.”

“She sure does,” he replied sarcastically.

“Hey! She’s not like my father.”

Jeno looked at her, raising a brow. “Are you sure about it? Or maybe she pretends she cares about you just so she can control you? She never truly stood up for you, she only cares about the company’s reputation.”

She opened her mouth to answer but shut it after, she didn’t know how to retort it, or if she could do it.

“See,” he whispered before bringing the attention back on the road.

“My parents don’t know about you, though.”

“You wanted to tell everybody about me but not them? I know them already, you don’t even have to introduce us.”

“No, but yeah, well, fuck,” she stuttered, throwing her head back. Already feeling the headache, stomachache, and tears caused by a dinner together. “I don’t want to hear my father’s remarks about me.”

“About you?”

“Yeah, he will joke and tell you to find something better, you have no idea of the humiliation he put me through when he met my first boyfriend. Why do you think he ran away? My father’s words about me were bigger than any kind of affection he felt.”

“But that’s not me, my love for you won’t disappear because of your father’s jokes.”

She sighed, looking out of the window and humming lowly. “Is dinner ready at home?”

Jeno raised a brow, why was she changing the topic? Didn’t she believe in it?What more he had to do to prove to her that nothing and nobody would’ve changed what he felt for her?

“There’s a surprise for you.”

“It’s not my birthday.”

“I know, bunny. I remember clearly all the important days, trust me. Just wanted to spoil you.”

“Can you drop me by Jaemin?” She asked, finishing applying the lipstick and ruffling her hair to fix them in place, it was a mess anyway.

“Your brother?” Jeno asked, coming out of the kitchen, and studying the way she was dressed.

“Do you know another Jaemin?” She joked, turning around, smiling at him.

Jeno shook his head. “No, it’s just odd. Do you need something?”

“He texted me to come over, I don’t know what he wants. Probably something that has to do with dad,” she explained, but the truth was that she didn’t like the tone of the message. If everything was going well since they were public, there was a problem.

Her brother.

Jaemin had been quite, scarily silent, if she had to be honest. Well, from what she knew. She didn’t dare to bring the topic up with Jeno, scared of whatever answer he was going to give her.

The idea of Jaemin not even approaching Jeno to ask him to treat her right broke her heart. She didn’t want him to be jealous or overprotective, there was no reason to be anyway, but she still wanted to know that Jaemin cared she was being treated well.

On the other hand, finding out that maybe Jaemin had snapped and they fought because of her would’ve saddened her more. She didn’t want to be the reason to come between them.

“I can’t drop you by,” he said, “I have a meeting to be at.”

“Oh, it’s fine. I’ll take my car.”

“You should buy another one.”

She rolled her eyes, “We’ve already talked, I can’t afford it.”

“It will get you killed one day.”

She chuckled, “You won’t get rid of me so easily. Bye, see you later.”

Her old car in terrible condition didn’t get her killed but she kind of hoped it would’ve now that she was listening to what Jaemin had to tell her.

“You don’t know him!”

“I don’t know him?” Jaemin scoffed, throwing his hands up in the air. “I grew up with him, I probably know him more than I know you.” Saying that Jaemin was worried was an understatement. He had never seen Jeno act like this, but he didn’t like it. He trusted Jeno, well more or less. He trusted him when it came to himself, but he was the last person he wanted to see her sister with. He couldn’t call himself a protective brother, and probably it wasn’t his place to be worried after the way he acted for ages with her, but he didn’t like this relationship at all. And the conversation he had with Ningning was the last thing he needed to disapprove of it.

“That’s exactly why you should leave me alone. You don’t know me. How — how can you call me up after ignoring me basically since — since forever to tell me he’s not right for me?”

“Because he’s not. You’re more than opposite of each other, there’s… there’s no way you two can work.”

She laughed bitterly, running a hand in her hair and pulling tightly. “We are working out.”

“God,” he groaned. “You will always be the dumb, hopeless romantic girl that can’t see through rose-colored glasses.”

“What are you even implying?”

“Someone like Jeno can’t be with someone like you. He never paid you attention, what happened all of a sudden?”

She gulped, licking her dried lower lip, and feeling a stab in the back. The bet always running in her brain like a thief ready to steal her happiness at any given moment. But Jeno loved. Jeno had truly fallen for her, it didn’t matter how it happened. They were happy, no matter how different they were.

“He’s a player,” Jaemin sighed. “He never loved in his life and nobody ever loved him back.”

She sniffled. “He’s… he’s not a monster. He loves me, and I love him. You can’t judge him for his past.”

“He can’t love,” her brother snapped, pulling his hair. “And the way he acts around you scares me.”

She chuckled bitterly, “Now you’re stepping over some lines.”

“I’m protecting you.”

She snorted, eyes wide in utter disbelief. “Protecting me? Where were you when I truly needed that? When your friends were laughing at me? When I was the butt of the joke? When they would bully me in the school corridors and you would pass right beside me as if nothing was happening?”

Jaemin didn’t reply, he should’ve expected she was going to bring that up. And she was right, he was a piece of shit for that, but this was different. He had a terrible feeling in his guts.

“You never cared about me. Not you, not our parents, nobody. I’ve always been on my own and now you want to teach me some lessons.”

Jaemin kept quiet, only staring at her while he rubbed his temples.

“You never cared about me, so why do it now? Why? You don’t want to protect me, you hate seeing me happy.”

“You’re not happy, he’s tearing you apart,” he retorted.

“I’m not slapping you and I don’t even know why.”

“You are always together. You barely even answer your friends’ texts, he… Ningning told me he brings you somewhere every weekend. And he punched a man in a public space risking his reputation for you.”

She started shaking, that was love. Why was it so wrong that he loved her?

“He loves me.”

“Everything he touches turns into ashes; he doesn’t know how to love.”

“What a shame he loves me so much, and he proves it to me every day. I deserve to be happy and he makes me happy, I won’t let you take that away from me,” she huffed, rushing to the door. “And next time, I only want to see you if we’re forced in the same room by our parents.”

Jaehyun didn’t like Jeno. He didn’t like the way his hand wrapped around her waist so tight he suspected she had marks on her skin. He didn’t like the way words rolled out of his mouth, almost as if he was casting a spell on someone, her. He didn’t like the way Jeno looked at him, as if he was silently daring him, hating him. He didn’t even like how most of the days he was waiting outside, not even letting her have the time to say bye or chat some more after an entire day at work.

“He’s late, there’s traffic or something,” she huffed, leaning against the wall next to him, shielding her body from the rain under his umbrella.

“I can drop you home if you want to,” Jaehyun proposed.

“No, he’ll get mad,” she said, chuckling but her smile dropped when she saw Jaehyun’s quirked brows. “He’s keen to come pick me up, it’s a pamper.”

But even those words didn’t change the expression on his face.

“Leaving you out under the rain is a pamper?”

“He thinks I have an umbrella,” she replied. “But if you need to go I can always ask Johnny if I can get back in —”

“No,” he stopped her. “That’s not the point. I don’t mind waiting here with you. I just… nevermind.” He shrugged, looking at the raindrops splash on the asphalt in front of them.

“No, what? It never happened before.”

“It’s not that either. I was about to make an unrequested comment about your relationship so I kept it to myself.”

“Oh,” she gasped. “Wait, am I the annoying person that talks about her boyfriend too much? I didn’t think I did it so often, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s not about you either,” he stopped, smiling tenderly at her reaction. Jaehyun found it endearing how she was always so considerate of everyone around her.

“Hey! Don’t make fun of me,” she joked, faking a pout and nudging him with her shoulder.

“Sorry, sorry,” he apologized still grinning.

“But… what is that about?” After what her brother told her she couldn’t help but panic when people told her how they perceived her relationship with Jeno, but she still wanted to know if it was the same opinion.

Jaehyun sighed, holding his purse tighter. “It’s not a nice opinion, I don’t think you want to hear it. It probably only comes from my petty, single ass,” he joked but no, it wasn’t because he was single, and petty and hated that she was taken. Jeno gave him weird vibes and he was never wrong about it.

“You’re lying.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are. You’re not making eye contact with me, you do that when you’re bullshitting people around.”

Jaehyun laughed, shaking his head. “Fine, I am, but I still think you don’t want to hear it.”

“Is it that bad?”

Jaehyun thought about it. If he was in a relationship he would’ve wanted somebody to open his eyes, but then he realized that wasn’t his place. He barely knew him, he barely knew them together, that was just a big accusation, no matter how real he believed it was.

“I don’t like him,” he blurted out in an honest confession.

“That’s it?” She asked, raising a brow.

“No, but it’s the only thing I can tell you.”

“What if I wanted to know everything?”

He sighed. “Fine. He seems… a little… possessive over you. He gave me those vibes the few times he stopped by but also… also from the things you tell me. It’s like he wants to control you, always.”

Her heart stopped for a moment. That couldn’t be true. Her brother was jealous because he hated seeing her happy and had to screw it somehow. But Jaehyun? Sure, Jaehyun liked her, at least in the past for sure, and maybe he was just mad that he couldn’t get to her so he had to hate on Jeno for no reason at all.

It had to be that.

“He cares about me a lot. We’re perfectly fine,” she replied, forcing a smile on her face before turning around, wanting Jeno to come pick her up as soon as possible.

“Sure…” Jaehyun’s answer got on her nerves but she didn’t reply.

“You know, maybe you should go. It’s Friday night, I’m sure you have things to do,” she said, moving away from him.

“You’ll get wet.”

“I’ll wait under that balcony there,” she reassured him before walking away, not looking back at him, missing the pity written on his face before he turned around and started walking to his car.

But being alone didn’t help her mind don’t obsess over his and Jaemin’s words. Not even when Jeno finally arrived after more than ten minutes and they were driving home, the silence in the vehicle weighing on her chest.

Jeno glanced over, eyes moving quickly from the road to her. “You’re off, what happened?”

“Nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me,” he said, voice firm even if there was a faint hint of apprehension under it.

She sighed lowly, battling with herself whether to let it all out or not. “I talked with Jaehyun about something…”

He raised a brow, fist clenching around the wheel as soon as he heard that name. “About what?”

“Us.”

“You talked to him about us?”

She hummed, looking down, tapping her shoes nervously and playing with the seam of her jeans. “Do you… do you think we’re toxic?”

“What?”

“I don’t know, Jaemin told me the same thing, kinda, maybe we are… we are too close to each other.”

Jeno clenched the wheel tighter, the same anger rising in his blood, his eyes shifting for a second before he forced himself to think straight again.

“Or maybe people hate seeing others happy.”

“I don’t know…”

But trying to keep calm wasn’t easy if she acted like that, how could she let others get inside her head, and heart, so easily? “What did he tell you exactly?”

“Nothing, just that… you’re… well, you are…”

“I am?” He urged, losing his patience, finger tapping nervously on the gear.

“You are…” Obsessed. Possessive. Crazy. Controlling. “…caring.”

“Caring?” He raised a brow, studying her face, but she was avoiding him, too busy playing with a loose string of her denim pants.

“Yeah, he thinks you care too much.”

“He knows shit about me and us. Why don’t you tell him to mind his business, uh? I know how to treat my girl right.”

“Yeah, I think that too,” she whispered, gulping before turning around to look at the window.

Jeno cursed internally, knuckles white around the wheel and eyes blank.

Jaehyun was becoming a problem Jeno didn’t put in his plan. And he was crossing too many lines.

Jeno had to do something about it.

She tried to stop thinking about what her brother and Jaehyun told her, just like she tried to ignore the words of her friends, whining about how little time she was spending with them. But her brain always went back there.

Every single thing that Jeno did, felt amplified. Maybe Jaehyun was right. He did care too much.

Maybe what she always thought to be love was an obsession. But where the hell did it come from? It didn’t make a lot of sense considering how their story started and how he never acted like this with other girlfriends. She didn’t know much about his past stories, but she knew enough to know that Jeno never cared that much about someone. He never acted like this with anybody else. And if at the start it seemed like a fairytale, she started to suspect it wasn’t.

She shouldn’t have felt like a thief in her own house but that was what she felt as she tried to look for more clues around the place. But she couldn’t find anything. There was nothing suspicious, nothing that could add to her theory of him being obsessed with her.

Yet, the sensation couldn’t seem to fade away and she was sure Jeno got that there was something wrong with her.

She was acting different, almost as if she was pushing him away, but it wasn’t her fault. The more he did, the more it seemed like he was proving her doubts right.

And even when she went back in the timeline she remembered she felt the same. Jeno had always been caring. Even when it was all a bet, even when they were hidden from the world. It also was never an option, he insisted on picking her up from work, and accompanying her when she went out with her friends, or at medical appointments. He hid behind ‘safety reasons,’ but she wondered if it was truly only that.

Maybe he didn’t trust her? But why?

“I have an amazing night planned for us,” Jeno cheered, entering their bedroom, wrapping a hand around her waist as she stood in front of the mirror. “I’m taking you out, then I’ll take you to another beautiful place to drink special cocktails and then we’ll come back here and you’ll see what else I have planned for you.”

She smiled, caressing his hair back. “I’d love to, but did you forget I had a dinner tonight?”

“A dinner?”

“Yeah, with my coworkers, I told you. A party that the boss organized since we’re doing so well.”

Jeno knew it but he thought she didn’t want to go.

“I thought you didn’t want to go?”

She snorted, trying to mask the same sensation that was assaulting her in the last days, “I never said that.”

Jeno gulped, watching as she pulled away from his hold to finish getting ready. Long burgundy dress around her body, legs covered by thin thigh-high tights, high heels, and her furred jacket on the chair. Surely too dress up for a simple company dinner.

“It’s going to be so boring.”

She shook her head. “No, I’m surrounded by nice people, I’m sure I’m going to have fun,” she said, turning around and smiling at him. “It will be just a dinner and then I’ll come back home.”

“Do you need a ride?”

“No, I can take the car by myself.”

“I can —”

“Jeno, I can drive,” she stopped him, walking out of the bedroom to reach the front door and pick up the keys of the house and the car.

“Why do you don’t want to —”

“Bye,” she cut him off, kissing him. “Gotta go. Love you.”

“Yeah, bye. Love you, too,” he slurred, heart clenching in anger because she never refused a ride.

Jeno didn’t want to follow her. He truly didn’t. He was trying hard to suppress that urge, walking back and forth in the living room, clenching his fists so tight that blood wasn’t flowing there anymore. But he couldn’t help but think about her. It wasn’t even that he didn’t trust her, or that there were other people, it was the fact that there was Jaehyun there too and Jeno was sure he was going to be all over her all night, probably telling some other bullshits about him and their relationship.

But it wasn’t like he could anything about it, right? He couldn’t get to the restaurant, he couldn’t even be outside. She kept her promises, she would’ve come home straight away and he had nothing to worry about.

But he had a lot to worry about.

And when his eyes fell on a crumbled piece of paper with the address on, he took it as a sign of destiny. He couldn’t stay at home.

When his car pulled in front of the restaurant, he spotted her car parked close to the entry. He couldn’t see inside, he didn’t even want to risk walking on the sidewalk to spy in, the place too elegant to go unnoticed of suspect movements.

So he waited, and waited, hours passing by slowly. And just when he was about to lose hope, he saw the door open and a crowd of people come out of there.

And there she was, it was impossible not to notice her, she looked so beautiful, and Jeno smiled at the sight, until he saw that Jaehyun’s hand was placed behind her back and that she was way too close to him.

“What the fuck are they doing?” He groaned, squeezing his eyes to see better, hoping he was insane and just seeing things, but Jaehyun’s hand didn’t move, worst, it moved lower, and wrapped around her waist.

“Why aren’t you moving him away? Why would you let him touch you like that?”

What he couldn’t stand were the laughers, and the continuous talk, why couldn’t the night just be over? Why couldn’t she come home?

“Finally,” he whispered, slumping in the backseat when the group parted in two and she started walking to her car. But he couldn’t relax for long, his heart started racing when Jaehyun sat on the passenger seat of her car. What was going on?

He hit the honk when he accidentally punched the wheel, he couldn’t see what they were doing, he couldn’t even get why it was taking them so long to start the car.

‘sorry I’ll be home later. don’t wait for me.’

When the text popped on his screen he wanted to get out of the car, drag Jaehyun out of there and punch him until he was covered in blood, but he couldn’t. So he tried to rationalise the insane thoughts that were filling his brain like loud voices screaming to him his worst intentions. Maybe she had to drop him home, that’s why it would take more, but why couldn’t she just tell him? Why did she have to lie and be so close to him?

Her car started, sprinting past his, and he started to follow behind them, hoping to go unnoticed. There were some cars around, so he could blend in with the others well without losing them in the late-night traffic.

He was trying to calm down but when she didn’t drive toward his place his anger started to get harder to suppress.

“Why are they driving to the Han river?”

When they parked and walked away, Jeno didn’t know what to do. Following them on foot was going to be much more dangerous but he couldn’t let her go like this. He was terrified something too big was going to happen.

He was losing count of the time passing as he watched them sit on a bench while eating ice cream and laughing and talking. Jaehyun couldn’t be that funny, could he? Why couldn’t she see the way he was looking at her? Why didn’t that make her uncomfortable?

‘are you still up?’

Jeno raised a brow when his screen lit up, why would she text him that? But he ignored it, focusing on the view in front of him. A view that was irritating him more and more as time passed. Jaehyun was too close, and she wasn’t stopping him, letting their bodies touch in a way Jeno didn’t like.

His hand clenched when the other man leaned closer and tried to kiss her, and the only thing that made him feel better was that she pulled away. Jeno could barely make out some faint apologies coming from Jaehyun from the tree he was hiding behind, but that still wasn’t enough.

Jeno was going to make him pay for that.

“You?”

She rolled her eyes, pushing her brother to the side and making her way into his place.

“Excuse me? What if I don’t want you here? Do I have to remind you of the fight of the other day?” Jaemin asked, still closing the door behind and following her on the couch.

“It was a month ago…” she whispered, looking down at the floor.

“And?”

She raised her gaze to him. “I need to talk to you about Jeno.”

“Did he hurt you?” Jaemin panicked, reaching for her.

“Would he?”

Jaemin stopped in his tracks, “I don’t think so, but you don’t seem happy so you are either mad at him or me.”

She shook her head, sighing. “I know we’re not winning any best siblings award, but I still trust you and I know you think I’m dumb, and maybe I am but… I need your help.”

“For?” Jaemin could see her legs bounce nervously, and he knew this was worst than he could even imagine.

“I feel like I don’t know Jeno at all. And I’m not sure I’m going to like who he really is,” she confessed.

“Why? Who do you think he is?” He wanted to answer that ‘yes, congratulations! You discovered the obvious. He is not who you think he is,’ but he needed to know what kind of doubts she had.

She gulped, words crossing her mind, but she was terrified of saying them out loud, once Jaemin knew of her doubts, of all the fears and suspects, her and Jeno were over, and she wasn’t sure she wanted that. And precise as a clock a text grabbed her attention.

‘There’s the fair back in town, are you free tomorrow?’

She blinked a tear away and then looked at her brother. “I just… I feel like he can’t open up with me, and I wondered if he was the same with you, or if I’m the problem.”

Jaemin raised a brow, staying silent for too long, feeling that wasn’t what she wanted to talk about.

“Did he text you?”

She nodded. “We’re going to the fair tomorrow. Where it all started.”

“Are you sure this is a good thing?”

“What?”

Jaemin sighed, sifting uncomfortably in his place. “You and him. I still don’t get how you ended up together, I know you took it as an attack and I… I also get that I should be the last person to worry about you but you two have nothing in common. How does it work?”

She bit her lip, avoiding his gaze. It worked, somehow, in her fantasy, in her delusion. It worked because she kept falling for his fool’s gold because at the end, maybe, everybody was right, she was dumb and madly in love, and that is never a good combo.

Jaemin took a deep breath, reaching for her hand, making her look at him in surprise. He was never physical with her, avoided her like plague so much she couldn’t even remember the last time her brother touched her.

“Are you running after a teenage dream?”

“Why do you always have to think that I’m the stupid girl madly in love with him?” Because you are, she replied instead. Because you will always be.

“I just don’t want you to get hurt. You loved him for so long without truly knowing him I fear you fell for an idea in your brain.”

She pulled away and stood up. “I know him. We’ve been together for almost a year that is not the problem. I’m not the dumb one. Things are fine, they are — they are great it’s just…” I’m afraid. “I don’t want this to break, I don’t want this spell to end because I’m fine with him. We’re good. We…” She sighed, maybe Jaemin was the last person she should’ve spoken to. Maybe she should’ve talked to Jeno directly.

“I have to go now.”

“Wait,” Jaemin stopped her. “I can tell you what you need to know about him.”

“Trust me, you can’t.”

“Were you at home the other day?” After beating around the bush, she finally found the courage to talk to Jeno. The sound of the food frying in the pans in front of her was actually annoying as it filled the silence when no words came out of Jeno’s mouth.

“The other day, when? Can you be more specific?”

“When I went out for dinner with my colleagues.”

Jeno hummed, shrugging, stopping from scrolling on his socials, “Yeah, why?”

She breathed deeply, shaking her head before giving him her back again. “Nothing, just wondering.”

“Are you the only one allowed to have fun?” He stood up, reaching her side, two fingers caressing her cheek gently.

“I never said that.”

“No, but I don’t get the random question.”

“And the day after? You didn’t pass by at work, where were you?”

“I told you I couldn’t come, bunny. I had a thing to do.”

“Yes, but what? You never let me take the metro alone.”

Jeno scoffed and she quirked a brow.

“What’s funny?”

He shook his head, leaving her side, but she had no intention of letting the conversation drop.

“Am I lying? You say it loud and clear.”

“Yeah, and I also know that you don’t take the metro for some months now.”

Her eyes widened, and it got harder to swallow the saliva as she stared at him.

“I saw Jaehyun drop you by weeks ago,” he said calmly. “I’m not worried about the metro because I know you have him and he would never let you ride that.”

“You don’t even like him,” she chuckled bitterly.

“As long as he has your back and knows his place, I’m fine with his existence.”

“Somebody attacked him,” she blurted, trying to study Jeno’s expression, she didn’t like what her thoughts were suggesting her for some days but she couldn’t sleep at night with those doubts. Jaehyun was avoiding her, he didn’t even greet her anymore, he barely explained what happened and she had to put the pieces together by asking Johnny what was going on. She heard that whoever attacked him told him to ‘keep his distance from what wasn’t his,’ and she could only think about Jeno.

“Oh, on the metro?”

She was taken aback by his answer and shook her head. “No, out of his house. They almost fractured his nose and he has a broken arm.”

“Really? Shit, were they trying to rob him?”

“They threatened him.” She kept her eyes locked into his, more shivers turning her skin full of goosebumps. Jeno was impassible, deep down his concerned frown she could see there was no glint behind his eyes.

“See, that’s why I don’t trust him around you. He must be in a bad circle or something. The place he lives is nice, why do those kinds of people only attack him?”

“Jeno,” she breathed out, voice shaking and tears menacing to fall. “Was it you?” She expected a bigger reaction but not that. The calm behind his eyes and voice, terrified her more than his outburst of anger did.

“Me?” He only replied nonchalantly. “You think I’d ever hurt somebody?”

She started crying, “You said you would kill for me.”

“Is it a bad thing?” He asked, walking closer to her, reaching for her hand, shaking like a leaf. “You know I’d never hurt you.”

“But others? Would you kill for me? Would you… would you ever hurt somebody?”

Jeno didn’t reply but somehow that silence had all the answers she didn’t want to have. He would. And he did. It surely had been him.

“Why — why would you do that to him?”

“Do what?”

“Beat him? He has wounds all over his face, he doesn’t even look like himself.”

“Why do you care what he looks like? Do you like him?”

“No, we’re not doing this,” she replied, shaking her head and walking backwards, hands in front of her as if she could stop him from vomiting out words that would’ve pushed her down a spiral of madness.

“Yes, we are. Because you’d rather accuse me, your boyfriend, of something like that, rather than come to terms with the fact that probably your bestie from work is not who he tells you to be.”

“You don’t know him.”

Jeno scoffed. “Should’ve taught a lesson to you, instead.”

“What did you say?” She asked, unsure she had heard right. Hoping she didn’t because at this point lies were better than what seemed to be the truth.

“Nothing.”

She groaned, slamming a hand on the table. “Why can’t you just be honest for once? You always lie to me.”

“I never lie to you.”

“I won’t tell him if you did it but just confess to me and we’ll work it out. If there are some problems in our relationship we can fix them.”

“You are the problem in our relationship.”

She gasped before her body started shaking even more, voice vibrating full of fear, insecurity and sadness. “What?”

“You and your lies and the way you keep listening to everyone except me. No matter what happens, no matter how much things have nothing to do with me, you will always find a way to blame it on me.”

“I —”

“Shut up,” he cut her off harshly. “I know you talked to Jaemin,” he scoffed. “He never gave a fuck about you. He treated you like shit and the first second we falter, you run in his arms to make me the villain? That’s why you needed him to know, right? Why do you hate me so much?”

“I don’t hate you. What did he tell you?”

He laughed, but it wasn’t a familiar sweet sound, it was mocking like a sharp slap straight to the cheek. “Afraid he spilled more than you wanted to reach me, right?”

“I barely talked about you.”

“It doesn’t matter what he told me, honestly, he was nice, I got by his weird talks that whatever he was ranting about was coming from you. But you need his words, right? You have me right here and you go ask anybody about me except me. You don’t like me. You never liked the real me. You hate I’m not whoever is in your head.”

“Please, not this again. I do, I love you so much. I… I…”

“You what?” He screamed, scaring her, back hitting the wall as the tears started flowing down her cheeks. “God, here we go. Crying like a baby just like when you were a fucking child.”

She didn’t answer, only wrapped her arms around her body and looked at the floor. This was just like when she fought with her father, or with Jaemin when they were younger and he picked on her for any reason. It was a knife piercing deep into the old wound and twisting with cruel indifference.

“Fucking answer me! You’re not throwing the rock and then hiding your hand. Ruining our weekend to defend your work boyfie.”

“Don’t call him that…”

“No? And what should I call him? Why don’t you run to him? Go, the door is there and I’m sure he’s waiting for you.”

“He doesn’t talk to me anymore all because you scared him away,” she snapped just to regret it right after. The furious look on Jeno’s face was the last thing she wanted to see.

“You’re just an ungrateful bitch,” he spat out, turning around angrily. “You don’t deserve anything of what I do for you. This place, defending you from your father, risking my relationship with your brother, hanging out with your friends, dropping you by and coming to pick you up every day from work, spoiling you with small vacation and dresses. But most importantly, you don’t deserve my love. You deserve to be left in the misery you were when you crawled to me on your knees. I should’ve treated you like shit like everybody else always did with you, you would’ve appreciated that more. But here you are.”

“Jeno, please.”

“Shut up,” he replied sternly. “And leave.”

“What do you mean, leave?”

“What it means? Are you that fucking dumb you don’t know what words mean?”

“I… I think this is escalating, I didn’t, I didn’t mean this,” she blabbered, a mess on her face as the sobs got louder, too much spit menacing to spill out of her mouth in a pathetic drooling mess. Feeling the floor fall through right beneath her feet, free falling.

“You never mean it. And I’m tired of your words, of your lame excuses.”

“No, no, wait,” she said, reaching for him, but he pushed her away. “Tell me what I did wrong and we can fix it.”

Jeno laughed. “You don’t trust me. And instead of working on it, you just proved to me more and more every day that you’d let other people’s opinions come over your love for me, just like I told you. But I was paranoic back then, wasn’t I?”

“But this time it’s not words…”

“What if I did it? What if I beat him and what else did they do to him? Broke his arm?”

She nodded, lips quivering, brain pulsing for how hard she was trying to keep herself afloat.

“Would you leave me if I did that?”

She didn’t reply, gulping hard, blankly looking into his eyes to see if that was a confession or not.

“Yes, you would, so why would I risk losing you for him? What do I get from beating him?”

“But he doesn’t talk to me anymore,” she cried, breaking down in another loud sob. Hoping he would open his arms and hold her in, and save her again from the death he pushed her toward. “Nobody else would threaten him over me.”

“Who said they threatened him over you?”

“But why wouldn’t he talk to me?” She sniffled.

“Because people are shit. They use you until they can get what they want from you and then leave you there. Didn’t he have a crush on you?”

She hummed, rubbing her arms with her palms, sinking her nails down her skin through her clothes to stay grounded.

“And did you ever flirt with him or gave him a hint of giving him a chance?”

“Of course not, I have you. I love you.”

“I know, and don’t you think he knows it too? Don’t you think he’s mad because he sees how strong our relationship is? Wasn’t he filling your brain with stupid doubts to make us fall apart?”

“He wouldn’t…”

“He wouldn’t? Bunny,” Jeno cooed, caressing her wet cheek. “Men are trash. You don’t know the things they would do just for some sex.”

“But he’s different… we were friends. I liked spending time with him.”

“I know, bunny, I know,” he said, pulling her in his arms. “That’s why I’m mad I can’t protect you from the world. I try to, but you don’t listen. You wanted to trust him and here you are, crying because he just wanted to get in your pants and as soon as he realized he couldn’t, he dropped you out of his life.”

She didn’t answer, only sobbed harder in his chest, arms weakly holding his waist.

“For how sick he is, he might’ve also hurt himself to make you believe I’d do something like this.”

“I’m sorry I doubted you,” she said, pulling away.

Jeno caressed her cheek. “But I need you to trust me, bunny. We can’t go on like this.”

She nodded. “But you need to trust me too. I love you, I truly do. I don’t care what people say, but I… never mind.” She took a step back before turning around, wiping the tears with the back of her hands, and then walked into the kitchen again, hoping the food didn’t burn, not that she had any appetite left.

But when her hands placed on the countertop after turning the fire off, she just cried, shaking and sobbing while Jeno stared at her, leaning on the door frame. The silence was louder than any words. They both knew they were walking on a fragile line and it was bound to break. No amount of sick games and lies was going to save them now. But leaving it as a thought was better than saying it out loud. It was safer than starting another fight where maybe none of them would’ve come out alive.

“We should leave,” Jeno was the one to break the silence, “just for a while. Detox from everything.”

She didn’t answer, sniffling harder while she held her body close. That wasn’t going to make things better. She knew she should’ve shut things up a year ago, the bet should’ve been a red flag big enough to tell her this wasn’t going to work, but she ignored it, and now she was paying the consequences. Because loving Jeno had always been like this, a rollercoaster with no seat belts. She felt shivers run down her spine when his arms wrapped around her and his chin rested on top of her shoulder.

“I hate when we fight, I really do.” His hot breath on her skin made her feel uncomfortable, it was like the spell ran out of its magic and all of this lost its spark. Like Cinderella, nothing of the fancy dress or the carriage was left, just a scattered pumpkin on the cold ground, but in this case, the pumpkin was her.

“Why aren’t you answering? Why do you act like this?”

“Please,” she begged, lifting a hand to her ears when he raised his voice, wanting to shut him out. “I’m tired, I’m — I’m exhausted. I can’t, I’ve had thoughts running in my brain for days and I can’t shut them off, I don’t know how to make them stop, I can’t make this pain go away.”

But it was like Jeno couldn’t get it and thought that everything could’ve been easily fixed.

“Don’t kiss me,” she said, squirming away, slipping out of his hold.

“Are you mad at me still? I thought you were mad at him two seconds ago and now you’re turning against me again?”

“I’m not turning against you,” she retorted. “The world doesn’t turn against you just when a small thing doesn’t go in your direction, I’m… I need some sleep.”

“No,” he stopped her. “I don’t want to go to bed without resolving this. Why do you pretend?”

“I’m not pretending, I can’t talk to you because everything turns into a fight. And… I don’t like listening to what other people say about us but maybe they are right, why can’t you just… let me go?”

“Let you go?”

She hummed, barely finding the courage to hold his gaze. “Don’t be so protective over me.”

Jeno’s features were tense and she didn’t like it.

“Fine,” he whispered. “Maybe we should take a break.”

She let out a scream of exasperation, why did her every word have to be twisted into something else? “I didn’t say that.”

“But I did. I can’t take this just like you can’t. I proposed to leave, put the stress to the side and then come back, but you still doubt me.”

“Leaving will just push our problems back.”

“What problems? Because we were fine until you brought him up accusing me of hurting him for some kind of… of what? Revenge? Threat?”

“So it’s my fault?”

“Yes, it is, we were supposed to eat and go to the amusement park like one year ago, and here we are. Over.”

“We’re not over, don’t say that,” she huffed, feeling a terrible pain in her chest just hearing that. “We can still go, we can… we can.”

“You’re tired, go to sleep.”

She squeezed her head, brain about to explode in confusion, vision blurred because she had no idea what the right path to take was anymore. There wasn’t even a path to follow, just a land of fallen leaves where traps hid underneath, and with every step, she could’ve tumbled inside.

“My problem is that I think you are too protective of me.”

“Too protective? Can you please tell me how? The last time we talked, you were lucky you had me, what changed?”

“I am, I feel safe around you but… I feel like you don’t trust me. It almost seems as if I am a child in your eyes, and I don’t know what to do with myself.”

He scoffed. “Caring for you makes you feel like that? You know why it does? Because nobody took care of you when you were a child. Because your brain wished somebody took some weight off your shoulder when you were younger, and you’re not used to other people helping you instead of leaving you in the shit. I know that you, more than Jaemin, had to raise yourself on your own. I was there when you always knew how to get out of a situation. You were never dumb, silent maybe, introverted, shy, clumsy, making everything that you touched break or fall or trip directly yourself but fuck, you were never dumb. You… you have always been so fucking interesting and I,” he sighed. “I envied you so much. Because growing up on my own without my father having my back didn’t make me come up like you. You’re right, I’m a mess, and I’m not half of what you are. Why do you think I hated you? I wanted to break you down so badly. But it seemed like the more people would push you to the floor the more you would bloom, and it was always so subtle, so sneaky, you were a master at getting unnoticed and I wanted to be like that so bad. But instead of pushing me away, you attracted me so much, still, no matter how much I studied you, I never got your tricks. I still don’t, not even now. I have no idea how you didn’t turn into a monster, and I do fear I’ll turn you into one if you stick with me. And I try, I try so hard to be the best version of myself, I don’t even realize when I fuck it up but the idea of losing you, kills me. It kills me. And I’m afraid because I… I know that if only you took a glimpse inside of me, of my true self you’d be terrified and you’d run away. God, you already want to run away.”

She blinked, staring at him with a curious expression, his defences crumbling down like a house of cards. “You noticed me? I wasn’t invisible for you?”

Jeno sighed, tears rolling from his eyes again, slipping on the floor. “You haunted me. I saw myself in you. And I wanted to destroy you as much as I wanted to destroy myself.”

She gulped, sitting in front of him. Well, at least now it all made more sense, all the pain he put her through, all the wasted years and tears. “It doesn’t seem really nice.”

“I have very bad coping mechanisms,” he shrugged, a bitter smile on his face as he stared at her, dried tears marking her beautiful face.

She reached for his hand, caressing the palm. “Don’t you think we all hide a bad side of us?”

He shook his head, pulling away. “You wouldn’t get it.”

“But if you said that I’m the better version of you, how can I not?”

“Because you are the good I don’t have.”

“Shut up, you’re an amazing person, why would you say those things now?”

“It’s not about being a good or bad person, it’s about having scars that healed in a terrible way and having prices to pay because of them.”

“Don’t you think you’re overreacting?”

“Am I better in your head?” He asked, tilting his head to the side, voice clipping in his throat. “The version of me that lives there, he’s fine, isn’t he? Maybe he’s just like you.”

She stared at him, trying to read him deeper, to push past those walls she believed he had pushed down, but they were still all there, too tall to even think about climbing them. “I don’t understand you, Jeno, I… I don’t know if I’m tired or if you’re just saying nonsense but… it’s confusing.”

He smiled, cupping her cheek. “That’s why I told you, you can’t get it.”

“Where are you going?” She asked when he got up and walked to the door.

“Out,” he replied calmly as if they weren’t having breakdown after breakdown, always collected as if nothing fazed him, not even when he was the one underwater gasping for air.

“No, please, I don’t want us to be alone.”

He turned around, staring at her standing with her fingers playing together. Jeno gulped, looking down before leaning against the door, and inhaling deeply. The images of the fights of before were burning in his brain like a wildfire that had no intention to stop, her wet cheeks, her eyes full of fear, trust faltering, her screams and her words, he was the monster he wanted to protect her from.

When Jeno started sobbing she rushed to him, holding him in her arms.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, apologizing for things she didn’t know. Cursing himself for being so dumb once again, for hurting everybody even when he wanted to protect them. Hating himself because he was never going to learn. “I’m so sorry.”

She caressed his face, shushing him with small kisses.

“I don’t deserve you,” he said, pushing her to the side, running to the bathroom, locking himself in. And if only she didn’t see his eyes being empty and blank again, she wouldn’t have felt that weird warning sensation in her gut.

“Jeno, open the door,” she screamed when she felt an alarming silence interrupted by sobs and objects falling on the floor. “Jeno, please,” she screamed louder. “I’m here to help you.”

“I don’t need your help, you don’t know… you don’t.”

“Jeno, I don’t care, I don’t care about what had been, but I care about you. You are not your scars.”

“Yes, I am. I am fucked up in more ways than you could even imagine. I’m so toxic for you and I… I’m so selfish because, fuck,” a groan of pain stopped him. “I can’t be without you, I can’t. I want you so bad because it’s so easy to fool myself I can be like you, that if you chose me there must be something good in the mess I am, and I,” another groan, louder this time, reached her outside of the room, but when nothing followed, she started panicking more.

“Jeno, what are you doing?”

Nothing.

“Jeno,” she banged against the door, screaming and crying, “open, please, please don’t do anything dumb.”

Only after a few seconds he opened, heart on his knees when he noticed the state she was in, the state he put her through. And his heart sank even more when she fell into his arms once seeing he was fine. She loved him too much.

“I hit him.”

“What?” She asked, pulling away.

“I hit Jaehyun, I slashed his tires, I even spied you one night, more than once. I followed you when you went out the other night.”

She stood there, frozen in her tracks, shaking. The realization falling on her like a cold shower.

“No, you didn’t. We’re both tired, we need some sleep.”

“No, I did it. The scar on my thigh? I hurt myself while hiding after slashing his tires and I had to fix it myself.”

She was speechless, feeling like she could pass out. It couldn’t be true. Yes, she feared it was for weeks by now, but it couldn’t be true. Why was he even confessing? Why couldn’t he keep lying? He was so good at it, and she loved falling into those lies.

“But why?” Her voice came out like a tremble, salty drops dripping down her face, she couldn’t calm down.

“Because I’m terrified of losing you.”

“But what made you even think I would leave you? I… I loved you when you treated me like shit, how could I don’t love you now?”

“It’s my brain, it’s… it’s the fact I’m never worth more than a fuck for nobody, it’s because I’m bad at love and I’m only good at tricking people into me and manipulating them. It’s because I didn’t learn anything else in my life.”

“I…” She couldn’t find words to say, she had so many things to let out but they made no sense. Nothing made sense. He was capable of that? Of hurting the people she loved? He spied her? So that night wasn’t a coincidence? Trying to put together all the pieces was driving her insane, and the more she did, the more the picture looked blurry.

“You were the only one that never looked at me up and down. The only one that never judged me for anything. The only one that truly stood by my side. No matter how much I mocked you for it, or pretended I didn’t notice. I still have all your birthday cards, the ones I always laughed about in front of our friends. I have the Halloween costume you sewed for me when you took your sewing class. I have the small notes you would leave in my bag every time I stayed over with your brother. I have everything.”

She tried to breathe but it was getting impossible and she leaned against a wall. It was like the world was spinning at light speed and she had no ground under her feet. It was like a Ferris wheel falling to the ground and having nothing to save herself with.

“So why did it have to take a fucking bet to get to me?” She cried out, voice full of anger but it still didn’t quite come out, too mixed with the disappointment. It all could’ve been so much easier.

“Because I was in denial. I thought I loved the attention you gave me, the — the pathetic kind of love you felt for me made me feel so fucking important. I believed I could bathe in it and then jump out free once I was done with you. Using you like any other person but then… then you made me discover what love truly is and I couldn’t stand it.”

She hummed, a small, crooked smile curling her lips. How could she even react to all of that? “But you still love the power you have over me, don’t you? That’s why you’re here, you know I’ll always come back. You know I’ll let you trap me in a cage if it meant being with you, so why this? Why hurt the people I love?”

“Because I don’t know how much your love for me will make you come back. I… I thought that if I made you feel safe with me, if I cut other people out, you… you wouldn’t have seen how terrible I am.”

“Then why are you confessing?”

He lifted his head up, glossy, red eyes meeting hers, nothing but a brown pool of sadness, rancor and so many other emotions she couldn’t point out. “Because I need to be honest with you before you’ll leave me like everybody else.”

She sat on the floor, legs too tired to support her body, and stared at him, crying and shaking, mumbling apologies, bleeding on the floor since something must’ve cut his hands by mistake. It was another red flag, wasn’t it? A warning as big as a house that was screaming at her to leave now, before it truly was too late. But she also thought of the man of before and how he was trying to manipulate her, how easy it was for him to do it, and now he was confessing all his crimes. And the same questions that assaulted her when he was begging on her knees to forgive him for that bet were filling her brain again. What was he gaining from this? Why did he fight so hard to keep her? But this time she knew he couldn’t have anybody else, that the whole façade of him being a fuckboy was as fake as everything else she had believed lately. He didn’t grow to love her. He always did. Did he? Or did he love the power and the tears and begs and screams?

After all, it was them. It had always been them. It was falling. It was death, by his side, and it wasn’t sweet or tragically romantic.

She sighed, resting her chin on her bent knees.

He had done everything to prove her how much he loved her like he had promised. He had done too much.

“You want me to leave you?”

Jeno nodded, feeling his heart clench in his chest just at the idea of lifting his head and not seeing her anymore, but that was just another price to pay, he deserved it.

She pursed her lips together, staring at the floor blankly. She wanted to ask him questions, if he ever got himself checked up for something, if there was something he could do to fix this instead of hurting himself and the people he loved, but she didn’t.

“I want you to take me to the amusement park tomorrow.”

He raised his head, shocked to even hear her voice and see that she was still there.

“I think me and you have to start brand new.”

He shook his head. “I can’t change. And before I’ll hurt you too, I want you to leave.” No, he didn’t, he could barely survive a month without her, he didn’t even want to imagine an entire life like that, but he had to.

She moved closer. “Maybe instead of pushing the problems back, you could face them?”

“Drop it,” he warned, but she didn’t listen.

“I don’t know anything about love, nobody taught me anything about it either. But I guess love is taking care of the people you love, right? I’m not trying to hurt you, I’m here, Jeno. I’m standing close to you after you confessed you stalked me and threatened one of my friends. If I was like anybody else I would not only be out of that door but I would probably be at the police, suing you. But I’m here. I’m here because I listened to you before and I think that maybe there’s a reason why you’re like this, and you can fix this. You don’t heal from the pain of the past, nobody and nothing fills certain voids but instead of letting them drown you and take opportunities away from you, there are ways to walk past them and move forward.”

He didn’t answer, chewing the inside of his cheeks nervously, thinking about it. “I’ll do it, I promise. But without you, I can’t drag you in this.”

“You won’t do it if you don’t have a reason to do it, you know it, too.”

“So you know me a bit, don’t you?”

She nodded, caressing his cheek with her thumb, and her body relaxed a bit when he snuggled against her touch and shifted closer to her.

“Maybe we should get up from the cold floor, don’t you think so?”

When the clock struck midnight, Jeno was sleeping, leaning on her, on the couch. And as much as she was exhausted, she couldn’t close her eyes thinking about everything that happened. Tormenting herself, wondering if it was another one of his traps or if he was so good at hiding his demons that not even Jaemin, Haechan, or Jisung had a mere idea of everything that was going on inside him. Thinking how much different he looked when she walked him to the couch and cleaned his wounds and he opened up a bit more. Questioning which of the many versions of himself he had shown her was the real one. Wondering who she was going to wake up to the next day. She hoped it was the same Jeno that chuckled lightly while they ate a bowl of ramen, talking about the future. She hoped it was the same Jeno that promised her he was going to be a better person. She hoped he could be his true self around her, but she started to fear that maybe that version of him didn’t even exist, that he tried so hard to conceal it that it simply disappeared and he, himself, had to find it somewhere he didn’t know.

She sighed, struggling to grab a blanket, and covered their tired bodies, holding him closer, inhaling his scent before she tried to close her eyes, hoping the heavy sensation on her chest wouldn’t have been there by morning.

But for now, it was, their hearts were beating as once with the same demons. He was right. They weren’t different, they were a different outcome of the same situation. Probably that was why they worked. She craved his bad, and he craved her good. But she doubted that foolish fantasy could last for long.

Probably it was better to leave, to run and hide, maybe she was still in time to don’t miss him as if somebody cut her heart off her chest, still in time to don’t let his demons drown her too. But after all, she was a dumb girl, a fool for him.

She would’ve always wanted him. In any way she could have him.

And when she looked down at his relaxed face, eyelashes resting on his cheeks, and breath normal, she realized she couldn’t leave him. If she brought the better out of him, this couldn’t go wrong. It couldn’t be worst, at least.

But the realization of how tricky the path they were going to take kept her up at night some more.

Jeno was terrified of losing her, the only good part of him, the only person he could somehow mirror himself even though their apparent incompatibility.

Somebody could’ve called it dedication, some other something darker. After all, the line between love and obsession is thin, and Jeno had crossed it for a while. And she had no idea if there was salvation for that.

Jeno wasn’t only in love, Jeno was obsessed.

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