#quite the opposite of monster high
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Since we are currently on the Ashlynn Ella brainrot, I’ve been thinking about something yk.
And like, it’s honestly so, so fucked up that when Ashlynn signed the Storybook of Legends, she did it knowing full well that she was signing her Mother’s death warrant and she couldn’t do anything about it for the sake of ‘destiny’.
Granted, yes, the book was fake; but Ashlynn did not know that when she signed. To her, this was it; this was her signing her life away due to the whims of some nonsensical tradition.
When Ashlynn Ella, who is no more than 15, signed her page in the Storybook of Legend; do you think she thought about her Mother?
When Ashlynn signed her page in the book and saw her story play out; when she saw her ‘happily ever after’, do you think she was burdened by unsurmountable guilt due to the fact that she knew that by signing, she had practically killed her own Mother?
When she saw her own last name as she picked up the quill and signed, do you think she thought about Cinderella, and how one day her Mother would die and she would one day become Cinderella; just a title. No longer Ashlynn Ella, no, simply another character repeating another story.
Do you think her Mother thought the same thing? Or her Grandmother? Or every Cinderella that came before?
How many generations of Cinderella have been forced to kill their own mothers before they put a stop to this?
#ever after high#eah#ashlynn ella#cinderella#im aware that ive talked at length about this before#several times in fact#yk the whole thing#eah is a dystopia and actually quite horrifying#its true ugliness is hidden by a rather expertly applied layer of magic and wonder#quite the opposite of monster high#but i digress#its just all so fascinating to me#the way this all works#the concept of destiny#and the sake of doing things for the greater good#or for not going poof or whatever#you're either going to end up inadvertently ruining the lives of those you love or your own is going to shit#apple would end up imprisoning her own best friend#ashlynn kills her mother and endures a life of abuse and doesnt even get her proper true love#briar sleeps for a 100 years and misses all her friends#there are so many more#and that makes it even more horrifying like
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I come back from the dead to show y'all what my brain just conjured
#the quarry#nick furcillo#monster high#holt hyde#jackson jekyll#infected nick#listen the girlies who get it get it and the ones who dont dont#holt isnt an asshole like infected nick and i quite love him but he IS the polar opposite of jackson jekyll much like nick's infection#is the complete opposite of him. they're also both a part of the same person in some way and yeah :)#my brain is very hyperfixated on MH right now to explain this post further
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Let's talk mobility aids!
Canes
Canes are for when you need to take a little bit of weight off of one side of your body, need a little help with balance, or need a little extra stability when you walk. It's an easy mobility aid to find and get, and it's pretty easy to figure out how to use. Have the cane sized so the handle sits at wrist level, then hold it on the opposite side to the one that hurts. Match your cane strikes to the steps on the hurt side. It will hurt your arm, elbow, and shoulder sometimes, but having a properly sized cane will help.
Rollators
Rollators are kind of the "next step up" in support. They come with more restrictions, you get limited to ramps and stuff, but they're also the least restrictive wheeled mobility aid because they're light and easy to pick up and toss around. They also have a seat a lot of times and a basket so you don't need to carry stuff. They're for when you need a place to rest, something to lean on when you walk, better balance assistance than a cane, and less weight bearing than a cane. I also found that it helped me with fatigue quite a bit. There's two main kinds, euro style like the first, and regular like the second. There are other fancier ones but I'm covering the basics here.
Rollators are my favorite mobility aid and I've used everything from canes to a fancy high grade power chair. They're just the perfect balance of help and freedom. They provide so much support for how far they go.
Crutches
Arm crutches are pretty neat! They're a lot more ergonomic than a cane. In fact, some people use a single arm crutch as a cane. They distribute the weight a little better, so it's not all on your wrists, and they support you better than a rollator can. The major cons I found are that they take two hands to use so you can't carry much and I had a really hard time trying to learn to walk with them. A lot of people who use forearm crutches have other mobility aids and use the forearm crutches when they want to or need to walk.
Manual Wheelchairs
These are for when walking becomes more difficult than pushing a wheelchair. There's no weight being put on your legs and feet and depending on your needs, you can get really specific with your adaptations if you have a custom wheelchair verses a standard wheelchair. My first custom chair looked like a monster truck because i took in the woods and gravel, my second custom chair after I got sicker has a head rest, a backrest that holds me up, and a little electric box that I can attach that helps me push. The difference between getting a standard and custom wheelchair is dependent on how much money the user has, what kind of needs they have, and what kind of medical access they have. (One is not more "real" than the other.) I highly recommend getting a cushion for under your butt if you have a standard chair without a cushion, I used a standard full time for 6 months and a cushion made a huge difference.
Mobility scooters
Mobility scooters are for people who can't walk long distances, but can still walk with the help of a cane or unassisted. If you can walk around your house, but not really much else, a mobility scooter might be the aid for you! There's a lot of different styles and battery life lengths and handling abilities so try a few different scooters out if you can.
Powerchairs
Powerchairs come in a couple different types or "groups" depending on your needs. Group 1 is the kind of chair you're probably most familiar with. It's basically for someone who needs a powerchair to get around their house, the doctors, office, and grocery store. You can't do any custom seat cushions or anything, but it's for people who don't need it. Think of like... someone who can walk pretty okay still, it just hurts to walk or they're off balance or a little weak feeling. A lot of times more elderly people will use these, if you're more active look into group 2
Group two chairs are little more durable, a little more stable, sometimes you can switch the captains seats out for custom seating... They're what a full time powerchair user would use if they don't need specialty functions like tilt or recline. They also often have 6 wheels rather than 4 like the group 1 chairs have.
Group 3 powerchairs are reserved for specific diagnoses like muscular dystrophy, ALS, and other severe neurological and neuromuscular illnesses. These are also called "rehab" chairs because they're for making sure severely disabled people have quality of life. The tilt function is for pressure relief, though you can also get things like elevation so you can raise and lower your chair, and some of them can recline flat. There are other avenues of moving grade 3 power chairs beyond the joystick as well in case someone can't use their hands or doesn't have them. (Head controls, torso controls, and straw controls called sip and puff are alternatives.) They can go on a little worse terrain than group 1 and two chairs and go a little farther, but if they get stuck they weigh 350 lbs and it's awful.
There's a few other types of mobility aid that I don't know enough about, like ankle foot orthotics and gait trainers, but these are the basic "mobility aid" most people will come across.
If you use another type of mobility aid and want to educate people, add it on!!
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electric touch - eddie munson x reader
summary: eddie hasn't had much luck with dates - not until you.
warnings: ppl being mean to eddie (only for a little bit!) and some discussion on eddie's penchant for kinda being used by the popular girls but there's so much fluff and some kissing at the end
word count: 2.8k
a/n: i started this when speak now tv came out and then completely abandoned it but she's my little brain child
When Eddie was in eighth grade, he spent a week rehearsing the best way to ask a girl out on a date. He practiced in the mirror every day, making sure to sound hopeful, but not desperate, eager, but not pushy. He’d almost given up and asked his Uncle for advice, but in case it didn’t go the way he wanted it to, he didn’t want Wayne to be waiting for an update.
There was a new horror movie premiering in the theater downtown, and he’d heard that scary movies were the best to bring a girl to - because if she got scared, Eddie could put his arm around her and protect her from the fictional monsters.
He never even got the chance to ask her. He’d tried, to be sure. Monday morning of the next week, when he’d worked up enough nerve, he walked up to the group of cheerleaders she was a part of, and didn’t even open his mouth before the group of girls ganged up on him - asking him what he wanted, calling him a freak, telling him to get away from them. Later, the girl he’d been pining after approached him - sans clique - and apologized on behalf of her friends. She didn’t feel the same as them, but she couldn’t ruin her “reputation.” They saw each other in secret for half a year before she got a boyfriend on the basketball team. Typical. It hurt Eddie more than he was comfortable admitting.
Eddie doesn’t love referring to himself as a cynic, but the repetitive cycle of being used by popular girls for a night of fun - fulfilling their dream of sleeping with the town’s resident bad boy before never speaking to him again, exhausted Eddie to the point of declaring that true love was a capitalistic ruse created to sell laboratory made diamonds. It would never work out for him, and he convinced himself that he was okay with that.
For the remainder of high school, Eddie continued to play the part. Rich kids invited him to ragers and tried to weasel their way out of paying full price for his weed, even though they were buying with daddy’s money, not their own. He hooked up with random popular girl after random popular girl, always leaving immediately and feeling like shit after. But at least he was getting laid, right?
✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩
Now, Eddie is sitting on the couch in his living room, meticulously arranging and rearranging Wayne’s automobile magazines that live untouched on the coffee table. Has there always been this much dust on them? He wasn’t sure, and the thought only offered a momentary distraction before the nerves swept him back into the electric current of anxiety running through his body.
He’d already spent most of the past hour making sure there was no visible trash laying out in the open for you to see. He’d even gone so far as to make his room slightly presentable in case you wanted to go in. He wasn’t expecting anything - quite the opposite, actually. He was sure that you’d see the place he lives, turn around and walk out without giving him a chance, and never speak to him again.
Logically, he knows that this won’t be the case. He knows that Dustin wouldn’t lie to him about your reciprocated interest. He’d spent the entire drive back to Eddie’s trailer for their Hellfire meeting trying to convince him that he saw how giddy his sister had been when she opened the door and saw him standing there. She’d known Eddie was coming to pick her younger brother up, and she’d put on mascara to greet him - as if Eddie truly knows enough about girls to take that as a surefire sign that you were excited to see him. Dustin hears you talking over the phone to your friends about him all the time, and he only shares with Eddie that what you say is positive - not wanting to disclose the nitty gritty. It’s not your fault that the walls of your adjoined rooms are thin, and your friends are loud.
Still, Eddie is nervous. When he gave you his phone number under the assumption that you might want to call to check up on Dustin, he was shocked that you called days after the Hellfire meeting had ended, and Dustin had returned home. So shocked, in fact, that he wasn’t even the one who had answered the phone - Wayne was. When he’d heard the sweet lilt of your voice on the other side of the line, he’d practically shoved his uncle to grab hold of the phone. You sounded unsure saying hello to him - nervous and breathy and a little bit quiet, but not unenthusiastic - and Eddie knew that Dustin had been telling the truth.
Eddie spoke to you for an hour that night before he worked up the nerve to ask if you might want to come over to watch a movie. “No funny business, just the sweet sight of David Bowie in tights that no other man would ever be able to pull off.” You’d giggled - a sound Eddie was determined to hear again - and asked how he knew that Labyrinth was your favorite movie. The truth was that he’d overheard Dustin complaining about how you chose it every time it was your turn to pick for family movie night, but he brushed off the question and said that he just “Had a feeling.”
The sudden appearance of headlights beaming through the trailer window brings Eddie out of his reverie long enough to remember to wipe the dust from his hands onto his jeans. The sound of your car door opening and closing, and the crunch that your shoes make on the gravel pulls Eddie like a siren song from the couch to his trailer door, and the creaking of the wooden steps leading up to said door, has him pulling it open faster than he means to.
You’re a vision of comfort. Of soft things. Of light wash jeans with no rips in them, of cardigans and sweaters and rose perfume. Your fist is raised in the air like you were about to knock, and for a moment, Eddie thinks this whole thing was a mistake.
“Oh-”
“Sorry, I-”
There’s a beat of silence. The energy between the two of you is almost palpable - eyes wide and palms clammy - before he breaks the connection and moves out of the way for you to come in. He knows he can turn on the charm once you’re settled, but this has been the part he’s been dreading the most.
It doesn’t matter to his friends that he lives in a trailer. It doesn’t matter when there are beer bottles on the coffee table or old socks on the couch, he knows the guys won’t care. But as you step in, and your eyes begin to sweep over the small living room, the reality of his economic status has never felt bigger, or made him feel smaller.
As he looks at you though, he notices the soft smile on your face. Taking stock of the collection of hats and mugs lining the walls, of the throw blanket laid over the top of the recliner.
“The uh, the hats and stuff are my Uncle’s.”
“They’re really cool,” his eyes trace your movements as you walk along the edges of the room, arms at your sides, reading the puns and state names embroidered on them. “has he always collected them?”
Eddie makes his way to the couch, and sits - trying to direct his line of sight to the same ones you’re looking at. Trying to put himself in your shoes and guess what you might be thinking, but coming up short.
“Wayne was a trucker for a few years,” you turn to look at him, to pay attention to what he’s saying. Eddie does a lot of stupid shit to get people to look at him, he knows that. It doesn’t matter that the expressions he receives the most often are sneers or ones of annoyance. Exasperation. But you look genuinely interested in what he has to say, and it throws him for a loop. “And then he got stuck with me, so he doesn’t really get to buy new ones anymore.”
“Stuck with you?”
“I mean, yeah, kind of. It’s a long boring story,” Eddie claps his hands together and launches himself up and off of the couch, and you know to stop pushing. “Want the grand tour?”
“Absolutely,” you nod.
“Well, my lady,” you watch from your position by the recliner as he struts to the middle of the living room, puts his arms out horizontally at his sides, and bows deeply, “welcome to Castle Munson. The maid did actually remember to show up tonight.”
“Oh yeah? She did an excellent job,” you huff out a laugh, and Eddie snaps back up to a vertical, a smile on his face that showcases the lines around his mouth.
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“Eddie? Can I ask you something?”
After giving you a short but enthusiastic tour of the main parts of the trailer and presenting you with the array of snacks he'd gotten for the movie, you both settled on the small couch in the living room. You'd had to resist the urge to curl up into his side, and instead curled up into the arm of the couch.
“Anything, sweets. Go for it.”
“How did you really know this was my favorite movie?”
“I’m psychic,” He taps his index finger to his temple a few times. “I didn’t tell you that?”
“Eddie.”
“Y/n.”
“I’m being serious!”
“So am I!” He matches your raised pitch - teasing, but not condescending - and you almost raise your hand to hit him on the shoulder, but you don’t know if you’ve reached that level of familiarity yet.
“You don’t have to answer the question if you don’t want to. I’m not weirded out or anything - just curious. Honestly, I’m kind of like, flattered, I guess? I don’t know.”
Had you overstepped? Eddie’s eyes flit over different things in the room in rapid succession, and he exhales - you can almost see the cogs turning in his head - like he doesn’t know whether to keep joking or offer a moment of true vulnerability. You don’t think the latter comes naturally to him.
“I heard Dustin complaining to Wheeler that you always pick it for family movie night. It seems like the kind of thing you’d like. Very dreamy and hazy, that kinda thing.” Eddie shrugs and looks off to the side, trying and failing to put on an air of nonchalance, but his tinted cheeks suggest otherwise.
“Is that how you think of me? Dreamy and hazy?” You duck your head to try and meet his gaze, and when he turns to look at you, you think it’s the first time you’ve ever truly seen him. The boyish, innocent version of him that he doesn’t allow to rise to the surface all that often. His charm is still there, and bright as ever, but you can see the uncertainty in the way he struggles to keep his eyes on yours.
“Maybe. Is that a problem?”
“Not at all.” The smile that graces your features is so easy and genuine that Eddie has no choice but to beam his own right back at you.
You settle into an easier silence for the remainder of the movie, save for the comments the both of you share. You think it’s especially funny when Eddie compares The Fireys playing volleyball with their own heads to a “Muppet snuff film on acid.” When it’s over, he grabs a few Dr. Peppers from the fridge and asks if you want to smoke with him before you head back home. You decline, because driving while high makes you nervous, but you don’t mind sitting with him for a bit longer.
“Plus, there’s one more room I haven’t given you the tour for, if you’re interested…”
“I get to see the King’s quarters?”
“More like the dungeon,” he gestures to himself, still clad in his Hellfire shirt, “but yeah, totally.”
“Lead the way then, dungeon master.”
He looks behind himself to see if you’re following, and extends his hand back so you can hold onto it. It’s not like you’re gonna get lost - the hallway is less than ten feet, but it gives you an excuse to finally touch without overthinking it. Eddie doesn't care to ask whether the jolt of static he feels when your hands meet for the first time is because of your shuffling socks on the carpet or the nervous current running between the two of you. Guessing by the way you suck in a soft breath - one he could barely hear - he doesn’t think you care either.
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“All I’m saying is Jareth’s a weirdo for wanting a whiny sixteen year old to be his queen.” Eddie is laying on his stomach, legs bent at the knee and ankles crossed in the air. When you’d entered his room, he’d shown you his favorite things before quickly ushering you to get comfortable on the bed. He said that he needed to have an in depth conversation about the movie you’d just watched.
“The age gap is bad for sure, and she is whiny, I totally get what you’re saying, but-” You’re sitting across from him, elbows resting on your criss-crossed legs.
“But? Y/n. Are you about to defend him?”
“Let me finish!” You giggle and Eddie swears that he can feel it in his chest - another spark.
“I cannot let you finish if you’re about to say what I think you’re gonna say. Morally. Ethically. I cannot let you finish.” In true dramatic Munson fashion, he sweeps his hands in front of him, palm facing out for you to see. He’s almost pouting, lips folded in and corners turned down.
“What I’m trying to say,” you look pointedly at him to see if he’s going to interrupt again, “is that I think that his proposition isn’t so bad when you really think about it.”
“Well now I have to hear your reasoning behind this.”
“Think about it. He’s offering her literally anything she could possibly desire, and all she has to do is love him back.”
“Oh that’s all? I think you’re forgetting the part where he says she has to obey his every whim or whatever the fuck.” Eddie fights the urge to change his tone from teasing to serious - his heart twinging at the idea of making you uncomfortable.
“You don’t think that love is enough? Or that maybe all love has a level of devotion attached to it?”
“I think my idea of love is too fucked to give you a real answer.” He’s refusing to look at you - gaze directed towards his ringed hands fiddling with the metal tab of the soda can, eyebrows furrowed.
“I could fix that, if you wanted - make it all dreamy and hazy for you.”
Eddie can feel the wires in his brain short circuit. In the back of his mind somewhere, he knows that he only has a few seconds to respond before you start to think that maybe you said something wrong, but he can’t seem to reconnect in time. All he manages is an out of breath -
“Yeah?”
“If you wanted, yeah,” you nod, like you’ve decided something, and slowly reach to pull his hand from the soda can - taking it with you and setting it down on the crowded bedside table. “I think you deserve it.”
“Really?” He’s looking at your joined hands, but he doesn’t wrap his fingers around yours. Not yet.
“Yeah, Eddie. Really.”
His fingers finally wrap around yours as you pull him from his position on his stomach to lean over you - rising onto his knees and walking on them before planting his arms on either side of your torso. He can feel your breath, soft against his cheeks as he leans in and connects his lips to yours - once, twice, three times.
That same sparky feeling that Eddie has been getting in his chest all night finally rumbles to life. Like a car being hotwired, he can practically feel your hands pulling wires he thought were long dead and breathing life back into them - rubbing them together until the spark catches and the engine starts.
“That was-” You pull away slightly to look up at him, lovesick and dopey.
“Dreamy? Hazy? I think those are two words I would definitely-”
You laugh, already pulling his face back towards yours.
“Shut up and kiss me again, Munson.”
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a/n: ahh! thank you for reading!! if you enjoyed this story please like and reblog i would appreciate it endlessly !!!
#eddie munson#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson fic#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson my beloved#stranger things#stranger things fic#stranger things imagine
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OLDER BROTHERS’ PAST RELATIONSHIP HCS
Lucifer: 100% a virgin
I’ve seen many people agree on him being incredibly experienced when it comes to hookup culture, but I headcanon him to be quite the opposite. He is the avatar of pride himself; he would be wayyyyyy too prideful to offer himself as an one-night stand, no matter who the person might be. there will be exceptions when it comes to Diavolo, of course. He has never been in a serious relationship either; the man has no experience whatsoever. Aside from never having the time to pursue someone and build a connection with them because of his duties, he would be wayyyyy too scared and worried about bringing someone home only for them to harm his beloved brothers or his reputation. Mammon might be MC’s "first,” but MC is definitely Lucifer’s first. It is a match made in hell. All mc had to do was to live with him and his brothers for the entirety of the exchange program, which meant he didn’t have to go out of his way to make time to meet someone, and with time, they both grew on each other, the chemistry grew, and naturally, a strong connection formed without him ever needing to force any of it.
Mammon: He has done everything for quick cash, including sleeping with every living being that could hand him money. Even when cash is not involved, it is canon that he is a model and a party monster, so easy quick club, casino hookups are not a shocker. Out of all the brothers, him and Levi are the only ones who are the most experienced when it comes to serious relationships. Since he wears his heart on his sleeve, all the serious relationships he’s been in ended badly because his partners took advantage of him. Satan, in season one, commented that if Mammon likes someone enough, they will be showered with the richest, but if he breaks it off, then they will be left without a single penny. Knowing that many, especially his exes, only had money hearts in their eyes when they looked at Mammon, despite him pouring his heart out to them, they only viewed him as an ATM. I also headcanon that his tsundere behaviour wasn’t always there; he just started to act like that because many of his exes laughed behind his back, calling him easy, naive, and easy to trick into falling in love, thus leading him to develop this tsundere-like behaviour towards the person he likes to come off as cold, hard to get, and not easy to fool. Though he fails at acting cold and harsh towards MC, he doesn’t act all shy, blushy, or tsundere-like towards his hookups. As he doesn’t feel anything towards them, they only see a very confident, arrogant, bad boy side of him, which MC doesn’t know about.
Levi: Since he is a big anime nerd, he has high standards when it comes to dating and completely rejects hookup culture. All the romance anime he watches really set the bar high for him and makes him somewhat delusional. He has only been in a couple of serious relationships, which were all online, but unlike Mammon, some of his past lovers truly loved him for who he is but didn’t love him enough to keep up with his jealousy and his need to be reassured 24/7. Some might’ve seen him as an easy ticket to get up there in devildom’s hierarchy and get their status high up, as the seven demon brothers are hell’s government officials. + he’s literally the grand admiral of hell’s navy, man’s loaded. His insecurities, shyness, and introversion aren’t the main reason why he is in denial of someone enjoying his company or having any romantic feelings for him, but his experiences in relationships made him push away everyone and anyone who showed him any interest. We see this a lot when he friendzones or tries to find a ground where things are more platonic than romantic with the MC, despite being completely whipped for them, he is simply is terrified of them getting annoyed with his constant need of reassurance or getting into a relationship with them only for his jealousy to be too much for them to handle which would make them leave him and he would lose his only best friend, yet again.
#obey me headcanons#obey me romance#obey me Lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me Levi#obey me shall we date#obey me fanfic#obey me mc#obey me hcs#obey me x mc#obey me x reader#obey me asmodeus#obey me Satan#obey me nightbringer#obey me Diavolo#obey me romantic#obey me fluff#obey me smut
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Stay With Me Till Morning
hi guys! another fic for you :) i got a little carried away at the end, but you know how it goes. this is for any munch!spencer fans 🤗
pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader
summary:
Spencer and you are co-workers, strictly co-workers, despite your feelings for him. A few nights sharing a room won’t change that, right?
warnings: mentions of body-specific insecurity, fluff, smut, oral sex (fem receiving)
wc: 3.2k
if i missed anything let me know!
One of the worst things about being a newbie, at any job, is coming into a place where connections have already been made. Working at the FBI, more specifically the BAU, was no different.
Now don’t get the wrong idea, working there was a dream for you, but there was no doubt that you were severely lacking in personal relationships compared to others. Derek and Reid had a sort of brotherly bond, JJ and Emily’s like sisters, and Hotch and Rossi’s went unspoken but still glaringly obvious. You existed in their orbit, and while you had all grown to love each other, you still felt a bit like an outsider sometimes.
Unfortunately for you, this feeling intensified whenever the topic of room sharing came up. Sure there were benefits, like having a room to yourself on occasion, but usually it just served to worsen your imposter syndrome.
The case that you were working currently, sans Rossi (he was on a book tour following his latest release), pushed this feeling to surface even more.
You all were in Upstate New York investigating a series of homicides that seemed to mimic a string of murders that had occurred 20 years ago. The town you were in was on the smaller side, so the only place you could find accommodations was a small bed and breakfast.
Said BnB did not have enough rooms available for anyone to ride solo, and with Rossi gone, Hotch and Morgan were buddied up, leaving Emily and JJ and Reid and you. Naturally, Emily and JJ bunked up together, leaving you to share a room with the boy wonder.
It’s not that you didn’t like Reid, quite the opposite actually, you liked him too much. You’ve always had a propensity for falling incredibly deeply incredibly fast, and when you met Spencer for the first time you proved you reputation correct.
Your first impression probably put him off slightly, but he was gracious enough not to show it. When Hotch introduced you, the first thing you thought was how ridiculous attractive the man in front of you was. His high cheekbones and big, brown eyes drew you in immediately. To make matters worse, he was fucking adorable. After snapping back to reality, you offered Spencer your hand, which he declined citing the pathogens and it being safer to kiss.
In one of your more impressive displays of cluelessness you said, “I think we could make that happen.”
This caused Spencer to flush and a ghost of a smile to grace Hotch’s face. Thankfully, in the last few months you had redeemed yourself slightly, developed a rapport with the doctor, and stood by hopelessly as you crush developed into a nasty little monster.
So, no sharing a room with Spencer wasn’t really an issue, but still, might just be the thing that breaks you.
~
“There’s only one fucking bed?”
You’d spoke far too soon.
After assuring Spencer you were completely fine and not at all uncomfortable with sharing a room with him, you and him walked together to your room, only to find a scene straight out of a shitty romance novel.
When Spencer heard you and noticed that there was in fact, only one bed, he immediately said, “I can sleep on the couch.”
Maybe you should’ve just agreed and saved yourself from a week of sexual frustration, but you couldn’t.
“Spence, that couch is maybe five feet long. I don’t even think I could sleep on it.”
You looked at him then to muster up some courage, “We can share the bed. We’re both adults.”
He looked slightly pained, which panicked you a bit. God, how fucking embarrassing.
“Or I can take the couch. I wont let you, but if you’re uncomfortable I can. I’m a bit shorter.”
Spencer hurried to speak, “No!”
His outburst took you by surprise but he quickly went on.
“I mean, no. I’m not uncomfortable. I just don’t want you to be at all or feel like I’m forcing you to sleep with me. Fuck, or I mean next to me-“
You cut him off before he could fall into a tailspin.
“We’ll share then.”
~
Sharing the bed had actually not been that bad for you at first. You were on your third day in New York, and you were making steady progress on the case. Hopefully, it would be wrapped up in a day or two.
Aside from the fact that you barely spent any time in the room, you had managed to stay on your side bed. The only spot of trouble was the dreams you were having, dreams about the person next to you that would turn even the worst sinner’s cheeks red. Still, Reid was acting no different, so at least you were confident you weren’t talking, or, god-forbid, moaning, in your sleep.
It had been an incredibly hard day. Not only was it freezing, but you had been outside and away from temperature controlled environments for far too long. Immediately once you got back to the Inn you were staying at, you asked Spencer if he’d mind you taking the shower first.
“I’m freezing my ass of right now. You don’t mind do you?”
“No, of course not. You know it’s kind of a superstition, but there’s some actual evidence that being cold can make you sick. I just read a study which showed 10% of people exposed to-“
You cut him off before he could finish.
“Spence, I’d love to hear about all that, but please just wait till I’m out of the shower.”
“Oh! Yeah, of course. Sorry.”
You shook off his apology as it wasn’t needed. That was one thing you didn’t get about the rest of the team; you loved hearing all the little tid bits of information that Reid let out. Yeah, he was like a literal encyclopedia at times, but it was never annoying. If anything it made you like him more. You loved the way he lit up when he told you about something he’d just read about, or read about 15 years ago. It was cute.
Getting into the shower was like a blessing. The water rolled over your cold skin and helped to loosen the muscles you’d been stressing all day. If you were bolder, or clueless to Spencer’s aversion to touch, you’d ask him to give you a shoulder rub. Your mind wondered off to where else he might touch you, but that was just wishful thinking.
After spending a near gratuitous amount of time in the shower, you shut off the water and reached for a towel. Only once you’d started drying off did you realize in you haste to warm up you’d forgotten to bring your sleep clothes into the bathroom with you. Now, you had to walk out in a tiny, hotel towel right in front of Reid. Sure, it was the start of a few of your fantasies, but in real life the idea seemed mortifying.
As quietly as possible, to not draw attention to yourself, you opened the bathroom door. With one hand gripping the point where the towel connected with itself, you tried to tiptoe unnoticed to your suitcase.
“Y/n?”
You looked up to see Spencer watching your frame like a hawk. As he took in your damp, barely covered figure, you wished to yourself that the lights in the room weren’t so fucking bright.
“I, uh, forgot to bring my clothes in,” and with that, you raced back into the bathroom to change.
After taking a minute to collect yourself, you make your way out of the bathroom again. The room is, thankfully, much darker and you see Reid tucked into his side of the bed. You climb in next to him.
“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. That was weird. I, I won’t forget my clothes again.”
“It didn’t, Y/n, don’t worry.”
With that, you both tried your best to fall asleep and put the day behind you.
~
When you wake up, it’s decidedly not light out and you are decidedly not alone on your side of the bed. One of Spencer’s arms is over your waist, holding you against his body. Still, you don’t know why you’ve woken up.
You tend to be a pretty heavy sleeper, and you know that some light spooning wasn’t enough to wake you up. As you lay awake, trying to figure out why you are up and what to do next you feel Spencer move behind you.
Now, you definitely know what woke you. Spencer, who could barely look you in the eye after seeing you in a towel, was grinding into while you slept. Obviously, he was asleep too, but that didn’t stop the shock of it all from hitting you like a fucking bus. He was silent aside from the occasional whimper, which sent shockwaves straight to your core each time he let one slip.
Despite this, again, being the start to a few of your own wet dreams, you were pretty literally stuck between a rock and a hard place. You felt like you’d be taking advantage of Reid if you didn’t wake him, but if you did you know he’d just about die from embarrassment. Or, worse, he’d think that you somehow executed all of this in a sick ploy. Not likely, but still a source of anxiety.
It took you a few minutes to get your head on straight, what with the burning feeling brewing in your abdomen, but eventually you realized that waking him up was pretty much the only thing you could do.
“Spence,” you said while gently shaking his shoulder.
“Spence, love, you gotta wake up.”
You were turned toward him now and saw his eyes open a crack, “Y/n? What’s wrong what’s goin-“
The realization of your situation also hit him like a truck, which was sort of comforting because at least you weren’t alone in the feeling.
“Oh my god, Y/n. Fuck, I’m so sorry. Jesus, I, I can’t- Fuck I’m so sorry.”
He went to spring out of bed, but your hand grabbed his arm before he could.
“Spence, it’s okay I promise. Honestly I’m surprised it didn’t happen earlier.”
“No, no it’s not. You don’t even like me that way and I was all over you-“
You cut him off when you heard this, “Spence, what do you mean I don’t like you like that?”
“You heard me right? I said your name?”
The world stops spinning, “What?”
“Oh, oh no. Look, I’m so sorry. I’ll go sleep in one of the cars. Fuck, I’m so-”
“Spencer stop. Please stop apologizing.”
It’s like an old Western showdown for a moment, the two of you staring at each other without making a move.
“Were you dreaming about me?”
He nodded, about to speak and likely offer more apologies. But, before he gets the chance you push your lips to meet his.
The kiss is soft and gentle. At first, his lips don’t move against yours, and you start to pull back, worried you read the situation wrong. Fortunately, before your lips could even part from his, he’s pulled you back in. His hands find the side of your face and his lips pressed into yours with a bruising intensity. Slowly, his hands moved to your waist, holding you in place.
The feeling rushing through you was unlike any you’d ever experienced. His lips molded to yours so perfectly it was almost unbelievable. If you’re hands weren’t so preoccupied by his hair, you’d pinch yourself to make sure you weren’t dreaming. With a move you didn’t think he’d possibly pull, Spencer bit into your lip, making you gasp. He took the opportunity to press further into the kiss, tracing your tongue with his.
Before you could fall completely into the kiss you pulled away to ask, “Spence, are you sure this is what you want?”
“I’ve been thinking about it since the day we met, Y/n.”
With that, he pulled you back in. His hands moved more surely on you, dipping below your shirt. The feeling of his skin on yours sent shockwaves through your body. You moved to take off his shirt in turn, desperate to feel even more of him. He was relentless, breaking free from your lips to drag his mouth down your neck and over your exposed collar bone.
You felt needier than ever, and evidently so did he. In another move you didn’t expect (maybe you should throw your expectations out the window at this point) he grabbed your hips and pulled you into his lap. With you straddling him, he moved to take your shirt off. Insecurity grabbed hold of you before you could push it away.
You stilled his hands in yours, “I haven’t let anyone see me like this in a long time. Just, please don’t be disappointed by what you see.”
His face morphed into one so full of love that it made your teeth ache.
“You’re my dream, Y/n. You’ll never, ever disappoint me.”
You let go of his hands and they resumed their previous journey, pushing up your shirt and letting that part of you be bare to him. Admittedly, you had to fight the urge to cover yourself, but when you saw his face you knew it was pointless. He was ogling you, not offensively, but more like he couldn’t believe you were actually in front of him.
“You’re so, so beautiful.”
His words didn’t erase the thoughts you had, but they certainly made them easier to ignore. Moving up from your waist, he went to cup your breast, fingers playing with your nipple which made your back arch into him. He took the opportunity to flip you over so you were laying underneath him. The weight of his body over you was heavenly. You felt him press himself into your center through his sweatpants. There were just thin layers of clothes between you now.
“Will you let me taste you? I’ve been dying to.”
You’re stunned from words but you manage to nod your head. As he moved down your body, he took your shorts and panties with you, leaving you completely exposed. For the first time in a long time, you didn’t feel scared of the feeling or his reaction to you. With Spencer, you felt completely at home.
You felt him kiss down your things, teasing you in a way that made you feel completely crazy. His breath ghosted over your core, but he still hadn’t made contact with where you needed him most.
“Spencer, please.”
Hearing your voice must have broken his resolve. He dove in like a man starved. In the past, you hadn’t found yourself enjoying the presence on a man’s head between your legs. Not that you had much experience, but the men who had you in that way always seemed to treat it as a means to an end. One of the two boyfriends you’d had refused to go down on you at all, and the other wouldn’t unless you were completely shaved. Safe to say you didn’t feel like you were missing much.
Everything was different with Spencer. He licked into you there was no place he’d rather be. His tongue over traced over your cunt as he tried to find all the places that drove you wild, and god did he. The noises in the room were obscene, from the moans falling from your lips to the sound of his driving you to an orgasm.
You locked your hands in his hair, grinding into his face without even noticing that you were. You were so close, and you found the final push in his fingers. God, his beautiful fingers.
His mouth was on your clit as he pushed two digits into you, curling in before pulling out, over and over until your legs begin to shake. His unoccupied hand pressed on your lower stomach, building up the feeling until you burst.
You repeated a mantra of his name as you came harder than you can ever remember coming before. The sensation took you out for a minute, but when you came back down and looked down at Spencer, you saw him staring at you in awe and completely soaked.
“Fuck, Y/n. Have you, have you done that before? I think that was the sexist thing I’ve ever seen.”
You were confused for a moment, wondering why he’d think you hadn’t orgasmed before. That was before you felt the damp fabric of the bed beneath you.
“Oh! Oh god, uh, no I haven’t. I’m sorry I didn’t-“
“Don’t apologize for that, Y/n. Fuck, I’d spend the rest of my life between your legs if it meant I could see that again.”
The constat praise falling from him had you noticeably riled up, and you pulled him up, back on top of you.
“Spencer, please. I want you. I want you inside me.”
“Fuck, Y/n.”
He made incredibly quick work of his own pants, freeing himself. Your mouth dropped open as you took him in. He was big, the biggest you’d been with, and he was pretty. You would have drooled if it wasn’t for his lips pressing into yours. He ran his middle finger through your folds before grasping himself. He followed his own path and ran his member through your dripping cunt.
“Fuck, baby, you’re so perfect.”
The pet name made you even more desperate, “Please, Spence. Fuck, please.”
He put you out of your misery, sinking into you in one motion. You had to adjust to his size, but the feeling of him inside you, as close to you as possible had you reeling. You bucked your hips up, urging him to move.
He gave you exactly what you wanted, pushing into you at a perfect pace as he whispered sweet nothings in your ear.
You were overcome and all you could mutter was “thank you, thank you, thank you” in time with each of his thrusts. When he started to push into you harder, you couldn’t help but squeeze down on him.
His hips stalled, “You’re gonna make me come, Y/n. You’re so fucking tight”
You let your hands take down his back, “Please, Spence. Want you to, want to feel you come in me.”
His pace picked up, and you could feel how close he was. Still he wasn’t done. His fingers again found your clit and rubbed circles on it.
“Need to feel you come on me first baby. Need you to come.”
His words made your head spin. It only took a few more thrusts before you were coming again, just as intense as the first time. You pulsed around him and it pushed him over the edge. You felt him come inside you, filling you completely.
“I love you.”
You couldn’t stop the words from spilling out, but you froze immediately after saying them, worried that you had ruined everything. But, just as he had done before, Spencer quelled your worries.
“I love you too. God, I love you.”
~
The next morning was bliss. You woke in Spencer’s arms, and let him into you again. The sex was slow and you each let the three words spill uninhibited.
When you went downstairs, ready to finish the case, you were met with the sheepish faces of your team.
Derek spoke first, “I’d say congratulations if you both weren’t so loud last night.”
While you were mortified, watching the rest of the team hold back their chuckles, you couldn’t help but agree that this was all a moment to celebrate.
End
let me know what you think!!
#spencer reid#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x you#there was only one bed#criminal minds#criminal minds fanfiction#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid smut#spencer reid fanfiction#fic rec#fanfiction#spencer reid fanfic#a bit cliche but here we are#criminal minds smut#spencer reid is a munch
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Hello !
Could you please write some headcanons with Alastor and m!reader as his S/O , where reader is a fallen seraphim / ex - seraphim?
Thank you in advance !
Hmmm! Okay! I actually wanted Alastor discovering his partner is a Fallen Angel for a while now. I can imagine what would happen… but uh, anyway. Let’s try this out, shall we? Alastor is now my primary Hazbin Hotel man, which I don’t mind! I love this man!
Alastor- Lies and Deception
Why… why would you lie?! Why did you lie?! Why did… Alastor can barely process what he just learnt. His beloved partner, his cute sweetie. A affectionate polite man, you. You’re not a demon at all, you’re an angel and you were a high-level angel as well. Charlie isn’t the only one who finds out her partner is a angel, Alastor did too
“A-Al! I can explain… I just—” “Save it, Leitore. I don’t want to hear from you” and with that, Alastor goes back down to Hell. Not hearing you out, despite when you try to explain yourself. It hurts your soul seeing your boyfriend, now, so closed-off, cold and disinterested
Alastor refuses to talk to you and when he does, he is quite passive-aggressive but yet, he can’t bring himself to be insulting. He is more business than emotions and comes off as very apathetic. It’s just because he doesn’t know how to act around you anymore with this grand discovery drilled into his head
He avoids you like the plague after the incident in Heaven and Adam revealing both you and Vaggie’s angelic origins to the Group
Alastor had ended up just like Charlie. Both him and Charlie are struggling with learning that their partner lied to them and hid their true selves for so long. Unlike Charlie, who vents to Alastor about Vaggie all the way to the Cannibal Colony, Alastor tries to not focus on you… he doesn’t want a reminder
However, he is eventually talked into trying to make it up with you by his dear friend, Rosie. She reminds him that you’re his lover and that he can’t just shut you out over you not trusting Alastor to not throw you out if you told him the truth… oh, Alastor could kiss Rosie right now! But, he can’t. He needs to make up with you after the weeks he’s spent ignoring you
Like Charlie, Alastor brings over a little gift. Surprised to find out that you’ve gotten back your angel wings after so long of merely looking like an average sinner. Three feathery sets, they are gorgeous and they make your eyes pop. Alastor may not like that his lover is an Angel and he’s a true Demon but that shouldn’t keep you two apart… and after Rosie’s talk, it won’t
After quite the long private talk with you and much forgiveness and acceptance and promising, Alastor is once again, by your side and holding your hand. He was harsh in the past about what he considered a betrayal but he has heard your side of it and forgiven you for lying to him. Not everybody is perfect
Alastor may or may not play with your reborn and re-gained angel wings when he is bored or waiting. You’re always right next to him so he’ll just run sharp long clawed fingers through the gentle feathers and be enamoured by how incredible it feels. Alastor also may just take an nap on your back with how comfortable those wings of yours are
Alastor is your sweet devil, a truly corrupted evil monster but he has an opposite in the man you are, a more pacifistic and harmless soul. Just like Charlie and Vaggie but swapped, you and Alastor are the higher-up Angel-Demon gay couple. Alastor is unredeemable and won’t be going to Heaven whilst you, a being of Heaven, is stuck down here in Hell
Alastor much prefers you stay in your original look but now, that also includes the Seraphim wings. Just keep them out of the way whilst you walk and Alastor is completely content with it. He just has to get use to having an angel in the Hotel… he has to get use to having TWO angels in the Hotel
Trust me, Alastor won’t ask about life as a Seraphim in Heaven. He doesn’t even care about it, he doesn’t care what dropped you into Hell. He only cares that you’re in Hell and that you’ll stay in Hell, stay with him. That’s all he’ll ever ask, but if you want to talk about your past in Heaven, he is all ears
Alastor, also, may not be perfect but he is doing his best to accept the reality that you had to lie to him and now that, you’re both cleared it up with one another. Now, you can be 100% honest with each other
Alastor is encouraging to you, encouraging you to let out your angelic origins and not be frightened by all the Sinners. Everybody in the Hotel knows you and Vaggie are from Heaven, just embrace it. He is embracing it one step at a time
“Oh… darling. I know I was quite harsh to you. I was just upset, I thought the man I loved was against me and I was trying to kill me from the inside. I understand you didn’t want to tell me and that’s okay… we’ll get through this little bump together”
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel radio demon#hazbin hotel imagines#hazbin hotel headcanons#hazbin hotel characters#vivziepop hazbin hotel#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel alastor#romantic alastor#alastor headcanons#alastor x reader#alastor#radio demon x reader#radio demon#romantic headcanons#romantic#hazbin hotel love#half angst#forgiveness#hazbin comfort#hazbin angst#mxm#gay Al for real#angel and demon duo#romantic alastor x reader
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JUST BE
PAIRING ➩ sunghoon x reader
SUMMARY ➩ classic cliche bad boy x good girl reader paired for a class project but with a few modifications lol…
WARNINGS ➩ violence, injuries, sexual content, sunghoon is a dick head kinda, heeseung is DEFINITELY a dick head
WC ➩ 18k (almost dethroned skin on skin)
AUTHORS NOTE ➩ so this sat in my notes unfinished for months.. which i never stop a work halfway and im not sure why i did considering this flowed out of me after i picked it up again but it’s NOT PROOFREAD and mainly written at 3am i think you maybe know the drill if ur familiar with me and my work lol.. not my favorite but i like the dynamics and i hope you do too
College was almost too easy for you. You were constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, to get the mean professor or the class with they heavy workload that you ultimately failed when you couldn’t withstand the pressure.
But it hadn’t came and you were feeling extremely lucky that the universe had seemingly spared you, atleast for your first year.
You always took school seriously, maybe too serious according to some of your highschool friends but you felt pride when you got high praise and it calmed you to know your hard work granted better results.
Still, it wasn’t like you had become some grade obsessed monster who didn’t feel emotion outside of the urgency of a deadline.
Quite the opposite in your humble opinion. Another thing you prided yourself on was your constant good attitude. You liked to smile at peers in the hallway and help teachers tidy up after a long lecture. It made you feel good to be kind and bubbly despite the stress that sometimes ate away at you.
So it was almost an impossible sight for you classmates as they watched your current dilemma unfold, the other shoe dropping with a loud smack the echoed inside your head.
“Did you hear me Ms. Y/N? I said your partner for the semester is Park Sunghoon.” Your professor was croaking from directly in front of you, your preferred seating being the first row in the room.
You were sat frozen in your chair, hand gripped around your perfectly sharpened pencil so tight you could feel the wood croaking in your palm. You usual smiley face was blank and stony, zoning out into the space in front of you as you wished for it to swallow you whole.
“It’s not that big of a deal Y/N.” Jungwon, your closest friend, was grimacing as he looked at you, standing infront of you and titling his body so he could peer at your unmoving expression. He was waving a hand in front of your face like he was trying to snap you out of a trance.
“There’s no point in lying.” Your other, and more pessimistic, friend Riki was speaking now and you let his bored tone seep into your ear. “She’s fucked.”
This snapped you out of it, letting out a loud groan and slamming forward onto the table dramatically, Jungwon’s hand coming out just in time to stop you from slamming your forehead onto the hard wood.
“Okay let’s not get theatrical here.” He was sighing through a wince of pain as he wiggled his fingers against your forehead. You slightly lifted it so he could take his hand back before dropping it back down with another groan. “I mean how bad could it be? Have you ever even talked to him?”
You briefly considered these two questions.
How bad could it be? Try absolutely, without a doubt, entire academic career ruining level of bad.
His second question was a bit more difficult. You had technically spoken to Park Sunghoon on multiple occasions but you’re not quite positive he had even realized it was you he was talking to. He had a tendency to not particularly pay attention to the people around him, and especially not their feelings.
The first day you’d spoken to him was actually your first day in general. You’d walked into your first lesson with a bright smile, hair perfectly pinned back and clutching your books to your chest in excitement for new things to learn and people to interact with.
Said books you were clutching didn’t last more than a few seconds in your relaxed grip once Park Sunghoon entered the room, his eyebrows furrowed as he turned the corner before registering you were still standing there in an attempt to pick which seat you wanted. His large frame was smacking into your back and sending you, and all your supplies, sprawling across the floor.
He hadn’t helped you up, or even looked back in your direction to see if you’d been seriously injured.
Your next few interactions weren’t as dramatic or grand scale but you remembered each one and so did your friends, considering you spent months complaining about each and every single time he managed to ruin your perfectly good day.
“Do you remember when he said it looked like she had gum in her hair because she got those new hair pins?” Riki was remarking from your bed behind you, a slight amused tone in his voice at the memory of your angry red face tearing them out of your bangs at lunch.
“That wasn’t nearly as bad as the time he stole her essay idea, and then didn’t even do the essay.” Jungwon didn’t sound as amused as Riki did as he recounted the story. He was a sweet boy by nature, one of things you bonded over at the start of your friendship and he wasn’t the biggest fan of your classmate because of this.
You listened to them talk and felt yourself getting more and more agitated, something that was extremely rare for you to show visibly. You pushed your forehead deeper into the wood desk, wishing it would let you mesh atoms together so it could completely swallow you up.
The bad mood hadn’t subsided by the time your hangout was over and the boys were leaving your dorm, wishing you good luck in talking to Park Sunghoon.
Your current biggest problem was exactly that. Despite being almost certain you’d be doing all the project work yourself, something you didn’t mind considering you held doubt he knew a single fact about the subjects appointed to you , you still felt the obligatory need to extend the offer of working together.
However you were realizing now you had absolutely no idea where to find him. It was increasingly rare these days that he was actually in class, only seeing him sometimes showing up minutes after it had ended and talking in a hushed tone with the teacher. Those days you’d slowly pack your stuff into each neat folder, trying to catch a word of their conversation.
You never had any luck and then he’d be gone again, leaving your nosy curiosity completely unsatisfied.
You imagined you could send him a message on some form of social media but that would require following him first and the thought of him spending even 20 seconds in confusion about your sudden follow before you were able to send an explanation message made your stomach turn.
So you had decided that the next day you’d march into class and sit and wait for him after it had ended, unmoving in your seat and forcing him to communicate with you.
You’d gotten prepared the night before, running over your convincing speech and tightening your ponytail before you entered the classroom with a determined look on your normally bubbly face. Your plans were immediately deterred when you went to sit down and found him already there.
Park Sunghoon was not only in class but he was sat in your seat, manspreading carelessly with an extremely bored expression. You knew it had to be on purpose but you couldn’t recall a time where he’d ever paid enough attention to you to know where your seat was.
You faltered for a few seconds before annoyance took over again and you refreshed your attempt at a look of intimidation. You stomped your way over to the desk and placed your books down on it with a mild slam, wincing at the loud noise you’d accidentally caused.
He didn’t react to the sudden spike in volume but he slowly trailed his eyes from your books up your arms, stopping when he met your gaze to raise an eyebrow.
“I’m Y/N.” You blurted out and you stuck a hand in his direction, attempting to initiate a handshake. “I’m your partner for the semester.”
It was silent for a few seconds and you looked down at where he sat, nudging your hand forward awkwardly like he couldn’t see it directly in front of his face. He ignored it and watched you with an amused look on his handsome face.
“Why are you introducing yourself?” He was finally saying and this took you off guard, the confirmation he knew who you were both surprising you and irritating you further at the implication his previous comments and interactions towards you were intentional.
You huffed and brought your hand back down to your side. “So you know who I am?”
“Row A, always raising your hand. Tight ponytail.” He stretched out the word ‘tight’ and you frowned at the innuendo. “Lacking your usual cartoonish grin but, yeah, I know who you are.”
“My smile is not cartoonish” You were hissing through your teeth at him and he smirked at that being the only thing you could manage to deny, too honest to refute his other claims even when you were frustrated.
He raised his hands in mock surrounded and your frown deepened, an uncharacteristically clouded expression taking over as your worst fears were confirmed. He was going to make this truly difficult, maybe even impossible. You resigned to sitting in the spot next to him, one over from your usual place.
You could feel him looking at you as the professor began talking, sneaking quick glances and sometimes downright staring holes in the side of your head.
For once in your entire academic career, you didn’t participate in class even remotely. You let your worries for the grand picture distract you from learning anything small today, zoning out with your lips in a pout until you noticed everybody packing up. Somehow you managed to fast forward through the entire thing.
Sunghoon was standing at the same time as you and as you made your way out of the room, he stepped infront of you and blocked your path completely. You tracked your eyes up his broad chest to his face and waited for him to add on to your already terrible day.
Instead he was sticking his hand out, similarly to the way you did earlier whilst waiting for a returned handshake. However his hand wasn’t fully open, clutching a small sticky note between his fingers and wagging it impatiently when you took too many seconds to stare at it in confusion. The second it was in your grip he was turning on his heel, out the door before you could speak or read it.
You glanced down at the paper in your hands with furrowed eyebrows, taking a second to decipher what he’d given you so abruptly.
When you finally pieced it together you felt a small surge of hope pass through you, smiling softly as you left the classroom, clutching Park Sunghoon’s phone number in your hand.
——
The little ball of hope you’d been presented didn’t last very long, disintegrating into a handful of nothingness before you’d even really had any time to appreciate its arrival.
You’d swallowed your pride and sent Park Sunghoon a text, very formative and stern in a request for him to meet you at the library before it closed. He hadn’t replied but you knew he had seen it and for some reason you thought he would actually show up despite having no evidence to that fact.
“Still waiting for somebody Y/N?” The boy who worked the front desk at the library was pushing past you with a cart of returned books, finishing cleaning up before he could close.
“Yeah I’m sorry Jake.” You frowned slightly and kept your tone polite, feeling guilty for slowing down his process.
He smiled at you and shook his head like it was no big deal, causing you to smile in return and bow your head slightly in appreciation. You were beginning to think you should just pack up and go to avoid causing him more issue until you heard a throat being cleared from behind you.
You immediately tensed up at the familiarity of it and you turned around in your seat to see Park Sunghoon standing a few feet away, watching Jake walk away with a raised eyebrow and a curious expression.
“You’re late.” You spat at him as your face dropped and you sighed, spinning back in your chair and fidgeting nervously with the opened book in front of you.
“Are you nice to everybody except me?” He was ignoring your nagging and making his way towards the table, surprising you by sitting directly next to you instead of the open seats across. “Where’s that Y/N classic smile?”
You shot him a glare but couldn’t help feeling slightly bad considering what he was saying. It was totally against your nature to be rude to somebody, even people who didn’t treat you the best necessarily.
“I take studies really seriously.” You explained to him, trying to soften your voice “And I don’t have a classic smile I just smile like a normal person, unlike you.”
He looked thrown off by your sudden banter and let out a scoff. “I smile.” He immediately argued.
“No you don’t, you smirk. There’s a big difference.” You were closing the book in front of you and he gave you a mildly confused glance, despite keeping his nonchalant demeanor. “The library closes in ten minutes, I told you that you were late.”
“Can’t you ask your friend to have some patience?” His words confused you for a second before you realized he was referring to Jake.
You scoffed in disbelief and shook your head, standing from your chair and starting to pack your belongings back into your bag. He groaned like he thought you were too sensitive and leaned forward slightly so he was still in your field of vision.
“What did I do now? You’re mad because I said you had friend? Aren’t you like friends with everybody?” He was droning on in a bored tone as he watched you continue packing, waiting for you to take the bait.
“I’m not mad.” You shook your head and gave him a forced smile. “I am simply coming to the realization my semester partner has no care for other peoples time. I wanted to give you the opportunity to actually prove yourself for once during your years at college but it’s clear you’re not interested so I’ll be going now.”
You glanced at him once last time as you spoke and you felt a wave of guilt come over you again at the way he tensed and his jaw ticked at your words. You looked away quickly in shame and gave him a small wave as you walked away, nodding at Jake as he said he’ll see you tomorrow.
——
“You said that?” Jungwon’s loud voice was overthrowing the sound of your upset groan as he rounded his way from the kitchen. “Y/N, how could you say that?”
“What are you talking about man, its Park Sunghoon. I think it’s awesome.” Riki was chiming in from the couch.
You were sprawled across the carpeted floor in dismay, immediately calling your friends over as you rushed out of the library with teary eyes and guilt from your mean comment.
“I love you Rik, but you finding anything I’ve done cool let’s me know it was something terrible.” Your words were half groaned and he looked offended for half a second before nodding in acceptance.
“I’m going to have to change schools.” You were dramatically continuing on, tugging your sweater over your hands and covering your face to mumble complaints through the fabric.
Jungwon was joining you on the carpet now and slowly feeding you a strawberry he had been cutting up, like an animal he was trying to calm down, and giving you a soft shake of his head. “No you won’t have to change schools. You just need to see him and apologize.”
“That’s the problem, I never see him.” You were mumbling around the strawberry and your other hand was anxiously scratching along the carpet in an attempt to self soothe.
“Well I overheard from Jay that’s he’s going to that stupid frat party I’m going to tonight. I’m sure I could get the two of you in.” Riki was chiming in again from the couch and you vaguely heard Jungwon scolding him, mentioning how you’d never been to a party before and never would when you were suddenly sitting up.
“That’s perfect.” The speed in which you sat up startled the both of them and they looked at you with confusion. “I’ll go to the party and apologize.”
“What?” Jungwon was raising an eyebrow as Riki clapped excitedly. “You’re going to go to a party, Y/N what’s gotten into you?”
“Correction Jungwon, we are going to a party.” You were grinning for the first time that day, excited at the idea of having a good night and getting the chance to right your wrongs, not paying any attention to the way all of the color drained from your best friends face.
——
The excitement hadn’t lasted more than a few minutes after entering the door.
The first thing that registered for you, was how much you underestimated what a frat party would be like, assuming it was played up and exaggerated in movies for the sake of entertainment.
Turns out, it was shockingly similar in the way it visibly was out of control and stunk like vomit and cheap beer. Your shoes felt sticky against the wood floors and you tried with all your might to keep a grimace off your face. People were greeting you excitedly, some making drunk comments about your rare appearance at a social event but seemingly friendly in their surprise at seeing you out for once.
The smile on your face wasn’t a good showcase of how you actually felt considering you were slowly getting more and more overwhelmed and the night was barely beginning. You’d almost forgotten why you were there in the first place in your building panic.
Jungwon had stayed close to you the entire night, looking similarly upset and irritated but wearing it openly on his face unlike you who at least was attempting to pretend to be enjoying yourself.
He was practically glued to your back as he shuffled around the main area, avoiding the shoulders of tall frat boys and the elbows of drunken college girls flailing around the dance floor.
“You guys could atleast try to look like you’re not being held hostage.” Riki had at some point wandered away to greet his sporty friends but he was now circling back with a drink in hand as he leaned down to speak to you, an eyebrow raised in disapproval.
You furrowed your eyebrows and gave him your best attempt at a casual expression, nudging Jungwon to do the same awkwardly, both of you dropping into frowns when your friend simply let out an amused chuckle.
“I just need some air.” You were shaking your head and putting your full cup down on the counter behind you, gesturing towards your friends sternly. “Stay with him, I’ll be back.”
You swiftly made your way away from them, ignoring Jungwon mumbling about not needing a babysitter, heading towards the slider door you’d seen briefly earlier.
By the time you’d made it over there and thrown it open, you’d sent hundreds of wishes to the universe that nobody would be out there. It was dark out on the small balcony but from what you could tell, your prayers were answered.
Your hands were touching the cold metal of the railing as you leaned your upper half over it slightly, taking deep breaths and shutting your eyes tight to try to bring your nerves down.
It was easy to be social and friendly in casual spaces like a classroom, quick conversations in the hallways that held no substance or weight came naturally to you and made your head feel lighter after a heavy work load but you’d never been a fan of large dense crowds in intimate spaces.
“Please don’t tell me you’re about to start singing.” You froze at the sound of somebody talking, spinning around to see you had clearly missed the other person leaning against the wall of the balcony in your haste to escape the party.
Park Sunghoon was stood casually, ankle crossed over the other as he watched you from the shadows. Your eyebrow quirked up at the burning red ash hanging off his lip and he shrugged softly at your curious glance.
“Why would I start singing?” You almost snapped the words but reeled your emotions in, remembering suddenly that you were meant to find him and apologize tonight.
“Looks like a disney princess, acts like a disney princess… you do the math.” He was answering like it was obvious and you were regretting your plan for the hundredth time that night.
You ignored his obvious attempt to bait you despite your instinct begging you to ask him what he meant by that, unable to tell if it was a diss or a begrudged compliment. You were taking a step towards him awkwardly with a sheepish expression and his raised eyebrow made another appearance. “Listen Park..”
“Please don’t make me listen to an apology monologue.” He was quickly interrupting you and your mouth dropped open in disbelief, staring up at him with wide eyes. “Consider it forgiven, plus you weren’t exactly wrong anyways.”
He was looking at you intensely but you couldn’t quite place what his expression was saying considering how dark it was, only relying on the reflective light of whatever he was smoking to provide some clarity.
“Great, so I came to this stupid party for no reason.” You were relieved he had seemingly forgiven you despite the awkward tension in the air but now you felt more defeated, having wasted an outfit and an entire night that you could’ve been in bed comfortable and studying during.
You sat down on one of the chairs around the balcony with a sigh, half laying down in social exhaustion. He let out a breath that could’ve been a laugh and then he was moving away from the wall and sitting down in another chair across from you.
He was easier to see now and you scanned his outfit as he rounded into the chair, feeling embarrassed suddenly at his casual attire and tightening your cardigan around your middle to try to hide the obvious effort you applied.
“Are you implying you came all the way to your first party just to see me?” His voice was mocking but not particularly rude, regardless it caused heat to rise to your cheeks. “How’d you even know I’d be here?”
“Riki said…” You were mumbling as you shrugged and avoided looking at him, suddenly realizing how weird your whole plan could seem from an outside perspective.
“Your tall friend.” He was stating in confirmation and you nodded. You were slightly thrown off that he knew what your friends looked like, along with the fact he had either just assumed it was your first party or paid attention enough to know you didn’t go out much.
The two of you didn’t say anything after that for a moment, only the sound of his inhales around what you could now see was a cigarette and the low thumping of music on the other side of the glass door, breaking up the silence.
You were trying not to stare too hard at him but you found it weird he had accepted so quickly the rude things you’d said, sitting out in the cold across from you like you were friends casually taking a smoke break.
Park Sunghoon typically fell pretty high on your list of stress inducers, your other wise easy going days and personality helping you breeze through most weeks without any issues. So it felt beyond strange to be finding comfort in the silence that came alongside his presence.
It didn’t last long however, only extending around ten minutes before there was loud banging against the slider door. Sunghoon didn’t move, just carelessly glancing over but you jumped up out of your seat and smoothed down your dress.
Riki was standing on the other side of the door, his fist pressed against it from where he’d just been slamming on it. His sharp eyebrows were furrowed in irritation and you gave him a confused glare before he was gesturing over his shoulder to where Jungwon was currently in the middle of the dance floor.
“Oh wow.” You heard Sunghoon breathe a laugh from his spot in the chair, the sight of your usually uptight friend dancing around with a sloshing cup, throwing the both of you off. “That’s probably not good.”
“Yeah.” You let out in a rush, glancing back at him and then towards Riki again apologetically. “I should probably go.”
You’re not sure why you said it, feeling immediately embarrassed when he gave you an amused look and shrugged his wide shoulders like he didn’t require you to say goodbye to him.
You were stumbling away from the porch in a hurry before you could embarrass yourself more, the loud noises of the party immediately hitting you once you slid the glass open to join Riki in an attempt to get Jungwon home.
——
Your normal schedule was already in a complete disarray and you were one more mishap from breaking down, quickly moving through the halls with your backpack clutched to your chest so it didn’t smack against your back as you ran.
“Hi Y/N.” Jake was greeting you casually once you made it to the library, an hour past when you normally liked to be there. “Rough morning?”
You glanced at him from where you were bent over, hands on your knees and you tried to catch your breath. You gave him a small smile and nodded your head, sitting up slowly and placing a book down in front of him gently on the customer service desk.
“Any good?” He was smiling at you as he scanned it, placing it in his return pile and leaning forward on the surface so he could focus in on your response.
“Not sure if it’s your taste but I liked it.” You shrugged at him and you grinned and he nodded his head in understanding, glancing behind you momentarily.
“Your scary friend has been waiting for you I think, by the way.”
You were turning as you spoke, shaking your head at him in amusement. “Riki isn’t scary, he’s just…”
Your words trailed off as you followed his line of sight and quickly realized who he had been referring to. Park Sunghoon was sat at the table nearest to the entrance, leaning back casually and playing with his pen, his classic raised eyebrow as he watched you and Jake interact.
He didn’t say anything but he looked slightly amused at the way your mouth dropped open in surprise, faltering completely.
Giving a smile to Jake and a small wave, you hesitantly made your way over to where Sunghoon was sitting and placed your backpack down on the chair across from him.
“How’d you know I’d be here?” You questioned him with a slow tone and you watched his expression to see if he’d be annoyed at your lack of greeting.
“Library boy said he’d see you tomorrow.” He shrugged like it was an obvious thing to pick up or care about. “And it’s tomorrow.”
You gave him a questioning stare that he held without any issue, slowly sitting down in your chair and trying to decide what approach to take to such a strange conversation. You hadn’t expected to see him again, surely not as soon as you currently were and not in the library.
“Would you rather me have not shown up?” He was cocking an eyebrow at you and you stared at him for a few seconds, trying to decide if he was baiting you into another argument or if he was genuinely trying to understand your current thought process.
You weren’t exactly sure how to answer his question, grateful he had shown up despite your previous out burst but also feeling extremely awkward after your weird interaction at the party. You’d had plans for what to work on today, a list of precise details and assignments you needed to complete, but your mind felt completely blank now looking at him.
He shifted in his seat and you realized you hadn’t answered him yet, clearing your throat quickly and offering him a small smile and a brief nod.
“I’m glad you showed up Park. We have a lot of work to do.” You were chirping out and he scoffed out a laugh at your sudden bright tone, putting back on your usual nice tone and expression. Your eye twitched at his disapproving laugh but you attempted to keep your cherry mood as you pulled open one of your shared classes textbooks.
You could feel him staring at you as you did so and your hands suddenly felt stiff and clammy under his watchful eyes, your movements awkward and clumsy.
“Do I make you nervous or something?” He was suddenly speaking again and you froze where you were bent over to reach the floor and dig through your backpack.
You sat to swiftly to glare at him, fixing your hair when it shifted forward into your face and he smirked slightly again at the familiar look returning to your face. He was leaning back in the chair casually and his arms were crossed as he looked at you, jacket pulled tight on his arms.
“Why on earth would you make me nervous Park.” You were whispering to him but the words were forced and rough, leaning forward with tour elbows on the table.
“Scared maybe?” He was shrugging like it was obvious and you gave him a confused expression, not sure where he would’ve gotten that idea from. “Just assuming considering your guard dogs have been staring at us this entire time.”
“What are you-“ You were shaking your head and trailing when he was lazily glancing over your shoulder as an explanation. You whipped around in your seat just in time to see two familiar faces hurriedly duck behind the nearest book shelf. You could hear Jungwon’s voice complaining in a whisper shout that Riki had bumped him on accident.
You were turning back to the table and groaning loudly, a sound you rarely made outside of your friend group and Sunghoon’s face almost twisted in surprise. You put your head in your hands and avoided looking at him in embarrassment.
“They’re psychotic.” You were announcing, your voice muffled by your sleeves and hair.
“They’re kind of funny.” Sunghoon was saying it like he was reluctant to admit it and you picked your head up to look at him in surprise. His expression remained neutral, as always, as he looked at you. “You guys should come to my friends party this weekend.”
Despite seeing him at the last party, it completely threw you off to hear him so casually mention going to one. Then it dawned on you that he was not only mentioning it, but inviting you and your friends and you completely flushed.
He was still just watching you with that same blank stare and you suddenly felt extremely nervous at his proposition. You didn’t take him as the party type, and you also didn’t know he had friends in the first place let alone ones who were social enough to throw parties. You were shaking your head before you even processed doing it and his eyebrow cocked again.
“We don’t really… party much.” You were awkwardly mumbling out and he gave you a disbelieving look.
“The little one sure seems to.” He responded quickly and you were confused for a second before remembering he had also been a witness to Jungwon’s adventure last time, the sole reason your conversation on the deck had been cut short in the first place.
“Do you always know this much about people?” You changed the topic to try and distract him from the fact you had completely lied about your friends recent habits, sliding your elbows further on the table so you were leaned over it a bit and giving off the impression that you were interrogating him.
For the first time since you’d met him, he looked slightly startled at your sudden statement. His responses were normally quick and witty but he didn’t say anything for a few seconds, watching you with a small hint of bewilderment on his otherwise stiff face.
“No offense but.. I didn’t know you even had friends.” You felt bad for making him uncomfortable and you quickly tried to change the subject back to his invite, thankful to see the tension leave his shoulders as he scoffed at your words.
“None taken. You wouldn’t know them anyways.” He was shrugging and you frowned, priding yourself on being social and friendly with people all over the school. “Different social circles.”
“Try me.” You were blurting out, determined to prove him wrong and show that you didn’t discriminate about who you were friendly to. He gave you a knowing look but you weren’t deterred, a smug expression on your face as you waited for him to name names.
He waited for a few seconds before sighing and sitting up in his seat a bit. “Lee Heeseung?”
Your shoulders dropped at the unfamiliar name, never having even heard it in passing and his smirk widened. He didn’t name anybody else and you were glad considering your ego was already bruised from the first one. He repeated the fact that you ran in different circles and you watched him curiously as he shifted again, checking his phone suddenly that you hadn’t noticed was abandoned on the table.
“Fuck.” He was mumbling under his breath and shoving the device into his pocket, pushing out of his sweet casually and giving you a quick look. “I’ve gotta go, let’s reschedule.”
“But we didn’t even-“ You were pausing in your objection when he was already turning and disappearing out of the library, your hands raising in bewilderment at his sudden departure before you’d even slightly started to work on anything. You let out a sigh and flopped back in your seat.
You sat there for a few moments on self pity before you heard faint whispers and grunts coming behind you and you groaned softly at the reminder you had an audience. Turning your head slightly to let them know you knew they were there.
“Get out here idiots.”
——
Park Sunghoon hadn’t responded to any of your text messages for the rest of the school week and you were absolutely fuming, not even able to control your expression as you walked between classes.
Students were sending you concerned glances as you marched through the campus, a deep frown underneath your tensed eyebrows, a direct opposite to what your normal expression was. He hadn’t shown up to any classes either so you couldn’t yell at him and release your pent up anger even if you wanted to.
“Jesus Y/N.” Riki was calling from somewhere to the side of you and he quickly matched your stride as he joined you, his long legs easily following along to your fast stomps. “You look like you’re about to kill somebody.”
“Trust me, I would be killing somebody if that certain somebody would come out of hiding.” You were spitting out and turning a corner sharply, having finished classes for the day and deciding to head back to your dorm instead of going to the library.
“I know you said no, but why don’t we just go to that party he mentioned then.” Riki was sighing softly and you could feel him looking at you in worry, more serious than he normally was considering how distressed you’d been as you took on two work loads. “He’s bound to be there right? I just wish it wasn’t Heeseung’s party..”
He was trailing off and you paused in your tracks, his arm bumping into yours at your abrupt stop and he turned back to raise an eyebrow at you in confusion.
“You know Lee Heeseung?” You were rushing out, shifting your books to your other arm so you could raise a hand and poke his chest accusingly.
“I know everybody dude.” He gave you a look like he thought you were stupid for missing the obvious and honestly you kind of were, for some reason only now remembering your best friend was the biggest social butterfly in your school.
You knew everybody, but Riki actively engaged with people and was a casual member of multiple friend groups, especially when it came to filling his weekends with various parties and activities.
“He’s trouble though Y/N, and I mean it.” He was shaking his head with a disapproving look on his face and you furrowed your eyebrows at him. You’d never experienced somebody that your friend didn’t like, the expression on his face causing a weird pit in your stomach to form. “That whole group is, I can’t believe Park is friends with people like that.”
The two of you continued to walk after agreeing to discuss it with Jungwon before making any decisions.
You felt extremely thrown off by what Riki had told you, knowing Park Sunghoon definitely had a reputation and an astoundingly stern attitude problem but you couldn’t imagine him hanging out with a crowd as rough as Riki was warning you he did. He seemed to be full more of teasing comments and selfishness than he was actual problematic behavior but the other part of you was confused why you felt the instinct to defend him.
You sighed softly and shifted your books around in your arms, pushing it deep into your mind for now.
——
“I’m telling you, I really have a terrible feeling about this guys.” Jungwon was leaning down to whisper into your ear as you stood in the small line outside the house the party was in, loud music already pouring out and deafening your surroundings despite the fact you were barely on the front lawn.
You glanced over at Riki to see him carrying a similar worried expression, unusually tense as he glanced around at the area you were in.
The energy was vastly different than the last party you’d went to, the same going for the attendees. Most seemed like they were a lot older than you and your friends, carrying a strange look in their eyes and regarding each other with tensed conversations that bordered on arguments.
Your sick feeling from earlier had returned full forced and you tugged on the sleeves of your sweater anxiously, regretting that you had followed Sunghoon’s lead of a casual outfit like he wore last time. Most the women at this party were anything but casual, wearing very little clothing and carrying themselves with a maturity you couldn’t even fake.
“We can be in and out, I promise.” You were tugging them down more to your level to whisper, a heavy guilty settling in at the fact you’d even brought them along. “I’ll find him and tell him to get his stuff together, then we can go home and watch Spider-Man.”
Your friends gave you soft encouraging smiles but their shoulders didn’t lose any tension and neither did yours, only growing more nervous when you were finally passing through the doorway. The three of you moved in unison over to the kitchen area and you turned to them once you reached somewhere that felt somewhat neutral.
It was small enough that nobody was actually hanging out in there, simply giving you strange looks as they passed by to refill their cups.
“You guys stay here and I’ll go and find him.” You were sternly telling them and Jungwon’s face curled up in disapproval.
“Are you kidding me? No way we are letting you walk around out there by yourself.” He was shaking his head and you deflated slightly, knowing the sight of you and your friends approaching to scold him would do nothing but drive Sunghoon further away from you and your overload of assignments.
“If I’m not back in 20 minutes, come and find me.” You were telling them as a form of compromising, raising a hand with your pinky stuck out.
Jungwon was sighing but eventually complying with your ask, raising his and linking your fingers together in a promise. You glanced at Riki and he gave you a small nod of acceptance, still carrying that dark expression that you weren’t used to seeing.
You were readying yourself before pushing back out into the main are, taking a deep breath and adjusting your skirt before heading back out through the door and scanning the general area.
It only took a few seconds before somebody was bumping into you from behind, sending you into somebody else and this continued for a few encounters before you were catching your footing and getting the memo that standing around like a lost deer wasn’t the right move.
You tried to look casual as you moved through the crowd but you knew your attire and demeanor gave you away upon first glance, possibly even passing for a confused highschooler in the eyes of the weathered people you were stuck in the sweaty room with. You were once again second guessing what you knew about Park Sunghoon, doubt running through your mind that he would take your demand as smoothly as he did your previous outburst towards him.
Luckily you were spotting him quicker than you thought you would, just starting to lose hope that you’d find him at all before you caught sight of his familiar bleached hair and leather jacket.
That familiar anger from earlier was building back up and you pulled your face into a determined expression, not letting him and his mysterious social life scare you off. You marched over to him and aggressively poked him in the back, faltering slightly when he whipped around with a heavy glare.
His face fell when he registered it was you and you figured it was just because he’d been expecting a friend or he was preparing for your lecture, not realizing that he had been mid conversation with a few guys who were smoking behind his back on the couch.
“How dare you Park Sunghoon.” You were starting off strong in your rambles, only slightly thrown off that his eyes were widening and his face was showing the biggest display of emotion you’d seen since you’d met him. You couldn’t quite read what he was feeling however so you decided to continue. “Do you have any idea how exhausted I’ve been this week? Not to mention looking for you absolutely everywhere like a crazy person, just for you to never even bother to show up.”
“Also.. your phone, I’ve been..” You were slowly trailing off, both because his lack of response and the fact somebody was now standing off the couch and approaching the two of you from behind Sunghoon. “I’ve been calling and you..”
“You must be the scholar.” The boy was cutting you off with a strange grin, wrapping an arm around Sunghoon’s shoulder and pulling him in a bit tighter to his chest.
You watched Sunghoon wince slightly and give you a sharp warning look, silently trying to communicate that you had made a mistake. You didn’t need for him to tell you that considering you could immediately feel the energy of the room shift at his arrival, the grin slowly sliding off his sharp face the longer you stared.
“You don’t know how to introduce yourself?” He was saying, a played up disappointment in his voice and he kissed his teeth before turning to look at the side of Sunghoon’s face. “Thought you said your girl had manners Hoonie.”
Your face flushed at the mocking question directed towards you and then more so at the phrase he’d used to Sunghoon. You’d obviously been talked about before considering the nickname he had called you and the implication that Sunghoon spoke on your behavior.
“Well I’m Heeseung.” He was smiling at you, a toothy grin that was immediately dropping back into that lazy smirk. It was similar to the one the boy next to him often wore but it felt a lot meaner, his eyes sharp as they stared down at you analytically. “And you’re Y/N… did you dress yourself Y/N?”
Your cheeks felt red and hot as you instinctively glanced down at your outfit, tugging your sleeves over your hands anxiously and parting your mouth to try and say something. You felt embarrassed at the fact he was clearly making fun of you, something you’d experienced before due to your bubbly personality but never so sincere and nasty.
It got even worse when you realized your eyes were starting to water, not meaning to cry but the overwhelming humiliation activating your fight or flight. You glanced at Sunghoon and he was watching you with a heavy look that you didn’t understand.
“Is she mute? You didn’t mention she was mute Hoonie.” Heeseung was squeezing his shoulders again and Sunghoon was finally moving a bit, shoving his arm back so the other boy wasn’t holding onto him anymore. He glared at him but still didn’t say anything, certainly not coming to your defense. “I didn’t say it was a bad thing sweetheart, it’s actually kind of sexy. The whole pathetic virgin look you have going on.”
He laughed softly as he spoke but you knew he wasn’t attempting to make a joke, his eyes scanning up and down your frame with an expression you’d never seen somebody have before. You couldn’t tell if he was actually considering you lustfully or if it was pure disgust in his eyes.
“Leave her be man.” Sunghoon was finally speaking now, a soft sigh accompanying his words and he nudged his friends arm softly.
“Sunghoon said you’ve been on his ass for days.” Heeseung was completely ignoring him and continuing, not even sparing the other boy a glance and keeping his stare firmly locked on your frame. “Hitting him up constantly like some clingy bitch of a girlfriend.”
You shot him a hurt stare but he was avoiding looking at you now, his eyes on his shoes or past your head as his friend continued to berate you. You looked back at the unfamiliar boy and shook your head softly, feeling some of your hair loosen from your pins and a tear finally break loss and stream down your cheek.
You hurriedly wiped it with your sleeve and Sunghoon’s head shot back up at the movement, face crumbling for a second before hardening back up when Heeseung glanced at him to see his reaction to your tears.
Something was bumping into you from behind and you were starting to turn and apologize, planning to use the distraction as a way to disappear from the terrible interaction when you realized who it was pressing against you.
Heeseung was immediately smiling again at the sudden arrival of your friends but Sunghoon tensed more, like he knew their presence would upset his friend even further and escalate the situation. Heeseung didn’t look at all deterred by the fact Riki was a lot taller than him, or the deep glare that Jungwon was sending him from your side where he was grabbing your arm softly.
“It’s been 20 minutes.” Your youngest friends voice was resounding from behind you, his tone lower than normal and you could feel his chest rumble against your back. “We have to go.”
You nodded your head even though you weren’t facing him and your hand instinctively came up to wipe your face off again. Jungwon was stood rod stiff next to you and radiating an anger you’d never experienced from the gentle and mature boy.
You considered saying something to Sunghoon, even as small as letting him know he was off the hook and didn’t need to help you with any assignments. One look at him told you that would be a mistake, understanding now what his harsh expression when he saw you had meant.
Heeseung was still making comments as the three of you turned to leave, whining about how the fun had only just started and other things that you tuned out as you let out a small sob and let your friends guide you through the crowd.
You felt embarrassed to be so upset over a few mean comments but you couldn’t shake the feeling of disgust that washed over you at his words and nasty stare, wiping your tears again and feeling the way one of your friends hands tensed against your arms at the movement. You felt guilty for dragging them out of their dorms for no reason, not even succeeding in getting your partner to cooperate.
“Y/N.” You could hear your voice being called as the three of you pushed out into the lawn but you ignored it when you realized who it was. “Please, just wait a damn second.”
You stopped abruptly because your friends did, Riki immediately turning around and approaching the boy in an agitated manner. You watched him press his chest close to Sunghoon’s in a challenge and you silently pleaded that he would be smart enough to not start a fight where you knew nobody and Sunghoon apparently had social ties.
Sunghoon paid the younger boy no mind, quickly giving him a unbothered glance before looking over his shoulder towards where you were standing and holding onto Jungwon.
“Two minutes.” He was requesting and his eyebrows were pulled forward in a serious expression, waiting for your answer. “Please.”
The rare use of the word from him made you feel hesitant to say no and you sighed before approaching them slowly, softly touching Riki’s arm and whispering for him and Jungwon to go down the street a bit and call for an Uber home.
You watched them as they walked away, both sending you concerned looks over their shoulders as they got further up the street and you tried your best to give them a reassuring smile. When they were far enough that they wouldn’t be able to hear your conversation, you turned back to Sunghoon and sniffled softly although you’d almost stopped crying by now.
“Let’s just get this over with then.” You were hurrying out, shaking your head and avoiding looking at him.
You imagined you looked like a complete mess, contradicting your typical put together demeanor. You’d taken your hair pins out and you could feel it getting messier as you kept running your hands over it, face red and puffy from being upset.
“I know I’m annoying and pushy, and I probably texted you too much but I was just freaking out with how much work we had to do and I didn’t know how to get ahold of you.” You were rambling off and pulling at your sweater uncomfortably, still not looking at him even though you could see he was taking a step forward.
“You shouldn’t have come here.” His voice was saying and your head shot up to glare at him in confusion, not caring that his expression was still pretty soft and not angry.
“Need I remind you that you invited me, asshole.” You spat at him, raising an accusatory finger but you didn’t poke his chest like you normally did.
“I shouldn’t have, it was stupid of me.” He was shaking his head and sighing, looking past you for a second before his eyes were shooting back. He never seemed to have an issue with staring (or glaring) at you but something about your puffy eyes and furrowed eyebrows was making it hard for his gaze to stay locked on your face. “My phone… it just wasn’t on and I didn’t think you’d come since I didn’t answer.”
You didn’t say anything for a few seconds, not really understanding why he was explaining himself to you considering he clearly wanted nothing to do with you and he’d never cared about your opinion on anything before.
He was just watching you with that same weird expression he had inside, almost compassionate but still guarded and heavy with something you couldn’t name and frankly, didn’t want to. You’d decided it was best just to leave this situation alone, Heeseung’s mean words still ringing in your mind louder and louder every time you looked at Sunghoon’s face.
“You don’t need to tell me this. It’s not like we’re friends or anything.” You were telling him and you stared at your shoes so you didn’t need to see his reaction to your words.
He didn’t say anything for a few beats and your eyes flitted back up swiftly to see why he had gone silent. His jaw was clenched now and he’d lost the expression that was making your stomach hurt, returning back to being hardened and emotionless.
“Yeah you’re right. We aren’t friends.” He was saying it with finality and your chest ached despite being the one to originally say it, his tone a lot more sincere than yours.
You expected him to just give up on the conversation and walk away but he was just standing there as he watched you, eyes darting around your disheveled hair and the way you were still continuously pulling at your sweater sleeves. You eventually couldn’t stand the tension anymore, along with the fear Heeseung would come looking for his friend sooner or later.
You took a deep breath before giving him a small sad smile, turning on your heel to go and find your friends.
——
“You should’ve just taken the day off Y/N.” Jungwon was whispering to you the next Monday, seated beside you in your shared class and sending you concerned glances every few seconds.
He’d been saying this since the incident at the party, telling you it would be best if you took a sick day before coming back to school. Especially to the classes in which you shared with Park Sunghoon.
You’d been ignoring his warnings, never missing a day before unless it was absolutely unavoidable and you didn’t plan to start because some boy had hurt your feelings a few days ago. You were wearing your usual attire and sitting up straight in your seat, smiling at everybody who entered and refreshing your perfume between lectures.
Besides, it wasn’t like you actually had any plans to run into the reasons for your upset. Heeseung didn’t actually attend your school, you’d quickly found out by pretending to be tutoring him and asking the administration office for his dorm number, and Sunghoon might as well not have considering he never seemed to actually show up anymore.
So you felt a bit thrown off, and regretful that you hadn’t taken your best friends advice, when you were walking into your next class alone and immediately being hit with the familiar sight of his bleached hair.
Not only had he come to class for the first time in nearly two weeks, but he was sat front and center in the seat beside your usual one. You’d faltered completely at the sight of him but before he could notice you in return, you were squaring your shoulders and forcing a bright grin onto your face.
You casually greeted the professor and a few of your peers, complimenting a girls new hair color and giving a small wave to somebody who had wished you good luck on an upcoming project. You weren’t looking at Sunghoon but there was no doubt he’d noticed you by now, the sound of your preppy voice undeniable.
It was nearly impossible to not look over at him once you sat down considering how close he was, his usual manspreading putting his knee far out into the isle so you had to squeeze past it to get to your own seat. You were sure he could feel the back of your legs brushing over his pants and you winced slightly before rushing through the rest of the tight aisle and hurriedly sitting down in your seat.
You cleared your throat and flattened down your hair, fixing your posture and preparing to make it through the duration of the class without needing to interact with the boy.
It was surprisingly easier than you’d expected, although you found yourself unable to focus half the time just from the knowledge that he was so close to you. Still, you didn’t sense the familiar feeling of him staring at the side of your head and he definitely didn’t try to speak to you. You felt bewildered on why he would even show up to class if it wasn’t to confront you or discuss your shared assignments, seemingly just listening to the professor as he rambled on.
Your confusion didn’t stop you from rushing out of the classroom in a hurry the second it was dismissed, breezing past classmates and not giving Sunghoon the opportunity to say anything to you.
——
“How could you possibly forget your phone?” Your youngest friends voice was hitting your ears, albeit muffled considering you were in the familiar position of burying your face into your carpet and letting out low painful groans.
“She was too busy running away from the campus asshole.” Jungwon was explaining, having quickly pieced together what had happened the second you’d crashed through the door in a panic.
Your two friends had already made themselves comfortable in your dorm before you’d gotten there, citing it was more peaceful than their own because you didn’t have a roommate like most students did. You didn’t pay them any mind before sinking to the floor like you’d lost all your bones and telling them what had happened in a series of short carpet spoken phrases.
“So? Just sneak in and grab it before they lock the main doors.” Riki was suggesting it like it was obvious and your head shot up off the floor, giving him a pleading look that he immediately deciphered. “Sorry Y/N, but no way. I’d get in trouble if I got caught, unlike a certain teacher’s favorite.”
“He’s right you know. Nobody would even think twice about you staying at the school late.” Jungwon was adding on from where he was sitting on top of your small bed and you sighed softly, knowing they both had a solid point.
Hence how you found yourself slowly slipping in behind a security guard through the doors to the school, hours after the last students had trickled out for the day and been forced to reside to their dorms or the 24 hour library if they wanted to continue studying. It was slightly eerie to see the area so empty, practicing your scripted explanation in case you were stopped by a less forgiving teacher or the campus security.
You felt a wave of anxiety as you moved through the halls, suddenly realizing the classroom might not be unlocked and if it was that would mean the professor could be right around the corner, waiting to interrogate you about how you’d gotten in.
Attempting to swallow your nerves, you continued towards the room you’d ran out off previously in the day. Park Sunghoon had created another problem in your life and you wished you could find it in yourself to be mad at him, still thrown off by his strange lack of bothering you he’d shown earlier. It was easy to convince yourself that you were just curious about him, nosy by nature and even more so considering how mysterious he tended to be.
You were slipping into the classroom swiftly, not touching the door in case somebody heard its hinges or noticed it had been opened wider. You let out a breath of relief that it had been left open and that the professor was seemingly not there, no sign of his briefcase or paperwork laid out on the desk.
The breath only lasted a few seconds, immediately being ripped out of you when you were suddenly being tugged aggressively backwards and almost losing your balance. You let out a small shriek of panic and surprise but a large hand was quickly placed over your mouth, stopping you from making another sound.
You couldn’t tell who it was that had grabbed you, especially considering they had pulled you into the small supply closet in the back of the classroom and the string light was turned off.
“What are you-“ You had smacked the hand off your face and were just starting to exclaim when a hissed shush was thrown back towards you. You immediately froze when you realized who it was, used to the familiar and aggressive tone.
Park Sunghoon was reaching up to tug on the lights string for a second and turn it on, showing you who he was with a raised eyebrow before switching it off again and shushing you once more. You felt a surge of anger at the fact he had pulled you in here, furthered by the fact that he seemed to think showing you it was him would calm your panic down.
Even more anger resurfaced considering that it actually slightly worked, relieved it wasn’t a complete stranger despite your intense confusion on what exactly he was doing.
“Park?” You tensed up when you heard the professors voice from outside the closet, quickly understanding that they must’ve been having some sort of meeting before you’d walked in and nearly gotten caught.
Sunghoon noticed your stiffening body, considering you were completely pushed up against each other due to how small the closet was. You could feel him looking down at you and you glanced up quickly, barely able to make out his features in the dark but just enough that you could see the warning in his eyes.
You gave him a small nod and his shoulders lowered in relief, knowing you wouldn’t give the two of you up. You weren’t sure if you’d actually get in trouble or not but you didn’t want to risk it, even the idea of the smallest mark on your record making your stomach turn with anxiety.
“That damn kid.” The professor was cursing under his breath and you could hear the disappointment in his voice at the fact Sunghoon had presumably ditched the meeting while he had left the room, glancing back up at the boy to see a strange look on his face.
At first you assumed he had been in trouble and was being scolded but due to the tone of your teachers voice, you imagined now it was something different. Potentially the two of them finally working some things out regarding Sunghoon’s absences and missing assignments.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Sunghoon was leaning down to whisper in your ear and a shiver ran through you at how close he had gotten, flushing at your bodies natural reaction and hoping he didn’t notice.
“I.. I forgot something.” You were rocking forward onto your toes to be able to whisper it back to him and you furrowed your brows at the fact you were giving him an answer anyways, not sure why you felt you had to explain yourself to him.
He was standing back to his full height again to stare down at you and you watched him in confusion before feeling something hard pressing into your stomach. Your eyes shot downwards in a panic and you froze up when you realized he was holding your phone in his hand and attempting to pass it to you in the small space. Your eyes shot back up to his face in surprise before you were grabbing it and slipping it into your hoodies front pocket.
Another voice was suddenly appearing from outside the closet and you stiffened up enough to accidentally stumble in shock, nearly falling backwards and knocking into the various mops and brooms if it wasn’t for the hand reaching forward to steady itself around your waist. You froze at the feeling and glanced up to see Sunghoon staring up at the light and avoiding looking at you, eyes closed for a second in a wince.
He didn’t let go of you however, keeping his hand placed there firmly despite the fact you had regained your balance and didn’t plan on moving again anytime soon.
“Hope you don’t have anywhere to be anytime soon.” He was speaking again and you almost panicked at the fact he hadn’t leaned closer to be more discreet when you realized the conversation taking place outside was loud enough to be undetected if you spoke in a low whisper.
“Well luckily for me the pathetic virgin convention was moved to next week so.” You weren’t sure why you had brought it up, directly referencing what Heeseung had called you and the incident at the party, but you immediately regretted it considering the way his face tensed at the words.
You assumed he was upset with you for starting a petty argument when neither one of you could move or even really voice your actual thoughts upon a certain decibel, growing more nervous when he just sighed and didn’t say anything for a few minutes.
“I don’t know why he said that.” He was suddenly saying and you froze a bit at the fact he hadn’t gotten upset with you, instead sounding almost guilty.
“It’s not your fault I guess.” You shrugged awkwardly and looked at his chest so you didn’t have to see his face, reaching up to push some of your hair behind your ear that was falling forward. “You didn’t know he’d repeat the stuff you said.”
“I didn’t say anything like that.” He was saying quickly, his tone almost offended that you had assumed he did.
“You didn’t?” Your voice was laced in surprise and you looked back up at him with wide eyes, his eyebrows furrowed and his gaze darted around your face at the sight of you staring up towards him through your eyelashes.
“No, of course not.” He was shaking his head and his lip was slightly downturned but you didn’t find it as obvious as he seemed to think it was, never directly being cruel towards you necessarily but also never providing any evidence towards the fact he wouldn’t insult you behind your back. “I like… your sweaters.”
He awkwardly trailed off at the end, pausing between the words like he hadn’t mean to start saying them and he looked back up at the light like he was avoiding the way your eyes widened. You felt your cheeks flush at his attempt to compliment you, his hand against your side tensing like he’d forgotten it was even there and he was instinctively using your soft skin as a stress ball.
“Really? You do?” You were whispering before you even realized it, your curiosity getting the best of you but he tensed again and you understood you probably pushed it too far by asking him to reiterate what he’d said.
The door to the classroom was opening and closing outside the closet and for a second you thought both teachers had left considering the sudden silence but you heard somebody clear their throat and realized the conversation had just ended and you still weren’t able to leave yet.
Sunghoon was suddenly leaning back down towards you and you felt panicked until you remembered you had to go back to speaking into each others ears, much to your dismay.
“Yeah, I do.” He was saying softly and you felt confused for a second before recalling the question you’d asked him, another small shiver running through you at his low tone and confirmation that he was complimenting you. If he didn’t notice before, he definitely did not considering he was still holding onto your side and his hand clenched around you.
The air was suddenly heavy and suffocating, a weird tension settling over both of you at the fact you were pressed so close and he was touching you so intimately like it was a natural thing that happened before, like you hadn’t barely talked outside of petty arguments and your conflict a few days prior.
Nonetheless, you had to communicate somehow and your hands were going up to hold onto his shoulders, both for the sake of pulling him down towards you and being able to prop yourself up with less risk of tilting backwards. Once you were closer to his ear, you were leaning forward and you could feel his heart beating from where you pressed against his chest.
“Why didn’t you say anything then?” You were mumbling hesitantly and he tensed up slightly when your lip accidentally touched his ear, immediately dropping back down to your original height and feeling your face heat up at the contact.
He was looking down at you and you held his stare, a small pout on your face that you didn’t even realize you had. You were thinking back to the party and how silent he had been while you were being insulted, despite not being friends and knowing he didn’t owe you any defense or protection, you still felt weird about the way he had just watched it unfold.
He was sighing and shaking his head, leaning back down towards you and his hand flexed again, pulling you tighter against him as a result of the movement. “It would’ve made it worse if I did.”
You were confused by what he meant but you didn’t want to look up and see his expression again, a lot closer now that he had subconsciously pulled you into him. He was still leaning down towards you and you wondered if he planned to say something else or if he was just sick of constantly bending back down.
Your hands were still around his shoulders, tightening around his neck in a weirdly familiar way to keep yourself from titling considering how close your feet were together in the small
space. You tried to think of a way to respond that would give you some answers without prying too much and accidentally upsetting him again.
“Why do you hang out with him?” You were whispering back into his ear and trying to ignore the fact that you were basically hugging as you spoke to each other.
“He’s family.” He was hesitantly answering after a few beats and you were surprised he had even offered the personal information at all, also understanding why that connection would make the situation more difficult and harder to remove himself from.
You let go of his shoulders but kept your hands on his chest in case you feel forward, not even realizing that his other hand has also come down to hold your side and you had no real reason to be touching him, complete secure in his grasp without the added support. You were able to see his face again now and he watched you with a curious expression, seemingly unfazed by the close contact unlike you and your still red cheeks.
“Did you really say I’d been on your ass? That I was like a clingy girlfriend?” You were a bit embarrassed by the saddened tone to your voice but you were genuinely curious and hurt by the fact Heeseung said he’d been told that, not having any way of knowing about your excessive text if Sunghoon hadn’t told him.
“He saw my phone.” He was sighing and starting to explain but he looked extremely awkward, more so than you’d ever seen him and he was ducking his head closer to yours to remain quiet now that you weren’t whispering in his ear anymore. “I couldn’t let him know we were friends or else he would’ve messed with you… more than he already did.”
You didn’t say anything for a while, just watching him and overwhelmingly aware of how close his face was to yours and how if you were the same height, your noses would’ve been touching. You would’ve thought he either didn’t notice or didn’t care, if it wasn’t for the way his eyes were darting around your face and occasionally pausing on your parted mouth.
“So we were friends?” Was all you managed to squeak out, holding your breath and staring up at him as your lips curled into a small smile.
He was standing blank for a second before a sudden scoff came out of his mouth, an eyebrow cocking at your amusement and you felt slightly relieved at the familiar expression back on his face now. You’d weirdly missed the cocky look in his eye, much preferring it over the hard and vacant one he’d been giving you since you’d fought.
“Maybe we could be if you weren’t always so nervous around me.” He was mumbling back in a teasing tone and your stomach flipped at the slightly flirty hint under his words, never crossing into that territory with him before despite the strange tension always sitting in the back of your mind.
Your breath was hitching at the way he tugged you closer again, his right hand sliding a bit so it was against your lower back instead of at your side and he could keep you flush against him. You watched him with big eyes, confused and slightly anxious at the sudden switch in his demeanor. You felt slightly guilty for immediately wondering if he was just messing with you, preparing to push you away and laugh the second you responded to his passes.
His eyes were suddenly more hesitant looking however, like he was wondering if he had made a mistake due to your lack of response and you realized he was just as nervous as you were, just more skilled at hiding his emotions.
“I don’t make you nervous?” You were whispering to him and he immediately shook his head, staring down at you intensely. Your hand flattened where it was on his chest and you hoped he didn’t see how bad it was shaking. “Not even a little bit?”
You thought, for a moment, that you heard his breath catch in his throat but you quickly discarded that idea. Sunghoon had never shown interest in you before outside of this moment and you figured he was just not thinking clearly due to your proximity and the adrenaline from possibly being caught, still a man in a tight space with a girl regardless if you were meant to be enemies or not.
However, you couldn’t help but think of the fact he’d both managed to compliment you and also seemed to pay a lot more attention to your life and schedule than you’d seen him apply towards other people. He knew who you were before you introduced yourself to him, aware of your closest friends and the fact you didn’t go to parties much.
You thought of the fact he had shown up at the library just off the passing comment Jake had made about seeing you the next day, inviting you to a party with your friends. It had turned out terrible but he’d still invited you, opening the doorway to potentially see each other outside of school and converse in a more neutral setting.
His face was dangerously close to yours as he took in your question, silently urging him to admit that he felt similarly to you when it came to the confusing nerves and anticipation you felt every time he was around. You always felt there was something unsaid between the two of you, pushed aside when you started to bicker or one of you had to leave early.
“Your hearts racing.” He ignored what you had said and you frowned softly, glancing down to where your bodies connected. He somehow seemed even closer once you were looking up again and your eyes widened a bit, wondering if he was intentionally leaning down more or if his body was just instinctively being drawn in.
“I’m scared to get caught.” You quickly answered, lying through your teeth but you knew he knew that. His mouth was curling into a smirk and he squeezed your back again, hips flushed together. “I’m serious.”
“I like when you wear this skirt.” He was retorting randomly and your stomach flipped at the rasp in his voice from whispering, not expecting him to keep changing the topic especially when he changed it to compliment you. You didn’t even realize this was something you apparently wore often, just throwing it on with your hoodie before heading back to the school and not thinking twice about it.
“Do you always pay such close attention to me?” You were asking him back, a hint of confidence at the fact he was continuously proving his interest in what you did. You’d asked him something similar before and you recalled the way he had frozen in the library, not answering you and getting tense at the way you’d called him out.
He didn’t react as extremely now, his face keeping that small smirk as he looked down at you like he had expected you to question his behavior. You were confused by his silence until you realized one of his hands had left your body, only noticing when you felt his fingers playing with the bottom of your skirt. He wasn’t lifting it or moving it at all, just gently guiding his hand alongside the seam and watching you.
Your eyes were wide as you looked at him, feeling strangely vulnerable and nervous as he started to toe a line that you didn’t expect him to even consider crossing. The light flirting was already strange of him but now you could feel his rough knuckles accidentally connecting with the smooth skin of your bare thigh.
“You want me to stop?” He was pausing to whisper once he noticed your panicked expression, eyebrow raising as he studied your face for any sign of rejection or hesitance.
You thought about it carefully for a few seconds, wondering if you were still upset with him enough to tell him to knock it off and then be left to awkwardly stand here until the professor left and you could sneak out. He’d infuriated you since you’d met but you also never denied finding him attractive, especially when he was barely inches from your face and throwing you casual compliments like it was something he’d done before.
When you were softly shaking your head, signaling you didn’t want him to quit whatever he was planning to do, he still waited a few seconds before he was moving his hand again.
You gasped softly at the fact he’d moved it off the hem of your skirt, instead going underneath it and pushing it up more so it was settled in the middle of your stomach and he could grab your side again without having the fabric in the way. You were suddenly glad it was dark because you knew that it was raised enough that it would leave your bottom half completely exposed, the skirt already barely coming up mid thigh and definitely now revealing your underwear that it was pushed so high up on your body.
He paused at the noise you had made, looking like he was thinking for a few seconds before he was using his other hand to cover your mouth and give you that same warning look that commanded you to keep quiet.
You nodded against his firm grip but another squeak came out of you when he was squeezing your side, his hand so big that it covered your entire hip and one of his fingers was caressing dangerously over the elastic of your underwear. He pulled your lower half closer to his again with a small grunt and you watched his expression through your eyelashes as he touched you so carelessly.
His eyes were meeting yours when his hand dipped under the strap on your hip, waiting for you to give a small nod of permission before he was slowly pulling your panties down your body and shifting again so you could rest on top of his sturdy leg.
You made a small cry at the contact, practically sitting on his thigh now completely bare and you could feel his hand continuously stroking up and down the outside of your leg, almost transfixed by the feeling of how smooth your skin was. Your arms were coming back up to hold onto his shoulders so you didn’t have to completely press yourself onto his pants and you suddenly felt embarrassed by how exposed you were.
He looked slightly frustrated for a second and you realized it was because he only had one hand available, still covering your mouth with the other one. You reached up to grab his wrist and remove it, bringing it down to place it against your waist and flushing at the slightly surprised look he was giving you at the bold action.
“If I get loud; kiss me.” You were whispering into his ear suddenly and you could feel him tense at the idea, not sure if he was interested in the thought of it or against doing something so intimate. Either way, he didn’t object verbally and just used his two hands to slowly lower you back down onto his clothed leg.
“Anyone ever touched you before?” He was asking suddenly, glancing at your face with a hard expression and waiting for you to respond. One of his hands was caressing your thigh now, getting closer to your core every time he rubbed it and another shutter ran through you at his low tone and the implication that he was planning on touching you.
“Not there.” You were whispering back and shaking your head, squeezing his shoulder in anticipation and feeling a bit dizzy from the sudden rush of want you felt towards him.
“Tell me where.” His face was still hard as he watched you and for a second you thought he sounded a little jealous at the fact somebody had touched you before, his hand squeezing your side almost painfully and pulling you higher up on his leg.
“Just… just when kissing. H-he was… like.” Your face was completely flushed as you tried to explain to him what little experience you had, only ever having an eager high school boy carelessly grope your chest during a terrible make out session.
He seemed to assume what you were implying and you felt his hand leave your leg for a moment, sliding up under your hoodie and rubbing up your rib cage softly. You sucked in a tight breath and held eye contact with him as his hand reached your chest, tensing his grip slightly and his rough thumb ran over your nipple swiftly like he was testing your reaction.
You bucked forward a bit at the feeling, grateful you hadn’t worn anything under your hoodie but overwhelmed at the feeling of him softly kneading your chest and the fact he was staring down at you emotionless as you slowly got more and more overwhelmed.
“Did it feel good?” He was asking in a low rasp and you almost nodded, thinking he was referring to what he had just done but you paused when you realized he was talking about the other boy. “When he was touching you like this, did you like it?”
You were quickly shaking your head in denial, cringing at the memory of rough hands that didn’t actually care about you or your pleasure. Despite his tough demeanor and personality, Sunghoon’s touch was gentle although unrelenting in the way he continued to squeeze your soft skin.
“Feel good now?” He was muttering and you nodded softly, falling forward slightly against his chest at the feeling and your breath caught again at the way you accidentally pressed harder onto his leg. You were sure you were making a mess on his pants, dripping ever since he started to squeeze your sides and whisper into your ear and you felt embarrassed at the fact he’d surely see it later once you were out of the dark. “Say it.”
“Feels good.” You were quickly repeating, instinctively following his order when you heard how serious his voice was and you imagined he would’ve teased you for listening to him so obediently if you weren’t having to make as little noise as possible.
Speaking of noise, it was becoming an issue for you pretty quickly, especially as his hands went back under your skirt to help you shift your hips against his leg. Between the feeling of him underneath you and his big hands holding your hips tightly. He seemed to take notice of your struggle and he paused to watch you for a second, looking like he was conflicted.
You were about to ask him what was wrong, worried by the sudden apprehension on his face before he was abruptly leaning his head down to kiss you.
You froze in surprise for a second before quickly kissing him back, suddenly overwhelmed with the realization that you really wanted to kiss him. You’d tried not to think about it before, pushing it deep in your mind but he seemed just as desperate in the way his hands were moving again and cupping your face gently.
You both seemed to forget about the fact you were currently sat on his thigh, lost in the kiss and moving against each other at a fast and intense pace. The tension that was in the air felt like it had burst, completely mesmerized by the feeling of kissing him so deeply and you felt less worried about how intimate it felt considering he was keeping your face tight against his.
He leaned back a bit to catch his breath, staring down at you with a strange look in his eyes and you yelped slightly when he was suddenly moving his leg so it was back on the ground. You weren’t pressed against him anymore and you were confused when he suddenly fixed your skirt to cover you up again, thinking he had changed his mind and was stopping.
To your surprise, he was standing back up after helping you get dressed and he stared at you for a few seconds with a wild expression before he was eagerly pulling you back into a kiss. His hands were cupping under your thighs to pull you up higher and you made a small noise into his mouth with how desperately he was kissing you, almost bordering on romantic if you didn’t know any better.
But you did know better so you were slightly confused and thrown off by the way he was licking into your mouth like it was something he craved, holding you against him like he was scared you’d disappear if he didn’t keep a tight enough grip.
You were thinking of pulling back and asking him when you heard the sound of the classroom door slamming shut, both of you jumping in place and freezing. You’d almost completely forgotten you were even in your current situation, so focused on Sunghoon and his touch.
You were glancing back at him to see his reaction but his face was hard again and his hand was coming up to touch his swollen lips for a second before he was shaking his head, almost to himself, and pushing the door open. You were worried for a second that the teacher might still be there but you quickly realized the room was empty when Sunghoon continued to step further into it, offering you a glance back over his shoulder when you didn’t follow.
Still in a daze in the closet, you watched him in confusion. You didn’t understand the switch in his demeanor, his shoulders tense and his eyebrows furrowed as he glared at you like you were somehow the one being confusing.
Eventually, you stumbled out of the closet and attempted to smooth out your hair that he had completely messed up with his touchy hands and eager movements. He was just watching you and you saw him touch his lips again, your own turning down into a frown at the upset look on his face.
You figured you had been right and he didn’t want to kiss you, only doing it to keep you quiet and now regretting it. This confused you considering how into it he had seemed to be, more passionate and desperate than you ever thought he could get and the heavy look on his face when he pulled back to look at you, but you weren’t sure why else he would be so upset now.
“Sunghoon.” You started to say and he tensed at the sound of his name at your regular volume, not used to you calling him anything other than his last name. He was raising a hand to cut you off and you paused.
“Think of that as my apology.” He was saying in a stern and emotionless tone, not looking at you anymore as he spoke.
You felt your stomach turn in a different way this time, heart aching for some reason at the fact he had completely dismissed what had just happened and was implying he’d only done it as a way to say sorry to you. You stood there and stared at him in disbelief, not bothering to mask your expression or how much he had just hurt your feelings.
“Why would you say that?” You forced out, voice weak and you felt embarrassed at how obviously affected you were. He glanced at you at the sound of your voice but then immediately was clenching his jaw and looking at the floor.
He was shaking his head for a second before turning to leave out the door, leaving you standing there alone and trying to bring yourself back to reality. You felt dizzy from the sudden switch of emotion from him and the crash back down from your shared high, feeling like you were very much in need of a hot shower.
——
“You did what?”
You were sat in Jungwon’s dorm, his roommate having went home for some family emergency and leaving it vacant other than your friend. You’d made your way over there as soon as you left the school, not bothering to call first or go to your own room.
He’d swung open the door at the sound of your heavy banging, face coated with worry when he saw it was you and you quickly blurted out what had happened. It wasn’t Jungwon’s voice that was exclaiming however and you sighed when you looked over his shoulder to see your other best friend sat on his bed, jaw dropped wide as he paused mid pizza bite.
You stared at the two of them for a second before bursting into tears, falling forward into Jungwon’s arms and hearing the soft sigh he let out as he pet your head softly.
He gently led you inside and closed the door behind you in case anybody was feeling nosy, sitting you on the bed beside Riki and pulling his desk chair up so he could be near the two of you. You laid your head on your youngest friends shoulder and sniffled softly with a large frown on your face, embarrassed and confused.
“You hooked up with Park Sunghoon?” Jungwon was saying it slowly, like he was making sure he heard you right and you nodded softly in confirmation. “In a broom closet..?”
“What does hooked up even mean?” Riki was asking from beside you and you groaned at the fact he was there, trusting him completely but you came to Jungwon for actual advice and you knew Riki wouldn’t take it serious enough to offer any. “Like you lost your virginity? Can you even do that in a closet?”
“I’m not giving you the details idiot.” You glared at him after picking your head up from his shoulder, shoving his arm and ignoring the complaining groan he let out. “But we kissed and then he got all weird and just ran out, he said it was just his way of apologizing.”
Both the boys went silent after that and Jungwon gave Riki a loaded stare, looking back at your face and then to the other boy again and cocking an eyebrow. Your frustration grew as you watched them silently communicate something you didn’t understand, throwing your hands up in upset until their attention was back on you.
“In words please.” You exclaimed loudly and Jungwon sighed softly before leaning forward so his elbows were on his knees.
“Is there any chance he could like you?” He was asking and you were thrown off by how serious he sounded, even more so considering what he was suggesting. Your face flushed and you quickly shook your head in denial, not understanding where he would be getting that from.
“If I kissed a girl that I liked, that I was supposed to hate because that’s like my whole thing, I’d probably run out of a closet too.” Riki was adding on from beside you like it was an obvious thing and common knowledge and you gave him a bewildered look. He shrugged softly and patted you on the back. “I’m just saying.”
“That’s ridiculous.” You were mumbling but their words made you have a weird feeling, thinking about how intensely Sunghoon had kissed you. He’d completely abandoned the idea of touching you just so he could focus on kissing you gently, far more intimate and romantic than you’d expected from him.
Still, it didn’t make any sense to you that he would have feelings towards you. He’d never been kind to you and you weren’t young immature kids, you didn’t consider teasing and making your day harder a form of flirting and you were sure Sunghoon thought similarly to you.
You left them alone to head back to your dorm after hanging in Jungwon’s for a few more hours, making them both pinky promise to not bring up Park Sunghoon or anything that had happened revolving him.
You were only halfway through the campus back to your room, the sun having set at some point during your hysterical rantings to your friends and you were relying on the street lights on either side of the sidewalk to guide you home, when your phone was ringing inside of your hoodie pocket. The vibration tingled against your stomach and you flushed for a second as you remembered the situation that had resulted from said phone before you were pulling it out.
The name on the screen made you stop in your slow pace, faltering to a stop before you were completely stood still and holding the device up to your ear.
“Hello?” Their was a sharp question in your voice, not expecting him to reach out at all let alone so soon after what had happened but there was nothing but static on the other side. “Sunghoon? Park? Are you there.. I don’t have time for this.”
“My cousins keeper… ever the busy woman.” The voice on the other side was slowly crackling through and your blood ran cold at the realization it wasn’t Sunghoon, the voice slightly less familiar but still recognizable to you considering your previous interaction had been replaying in your mind.
“Why do you have his phone?” You were spitting suddenly and your stomach turned with worry for some unknown reason.
You didn’t know if Heeseung was the type to actually hurt somebody, especially his own family member but you also didn’t necessarily have a lot of faith in him and his questionable morals.
He was sighing over the speaker and not speaking again for a few heavy breaths, seemingly weirdly reluctant to talk to you despite being the one to dial your number in the first place. At one point you were pulling the phone off your ear to look at it in confusion, almost thinking he had hung up with how silent it had gotten.
“I need somewhere to bring him for the night.” He was causing you to jump when he was suddenly talking again and your eyebrows furrowed despite him not being able to see you.
“What? What the hell are you talking about?” You were starting to speed walk back to your dorm now that you’d started to understand the situation, practically jogging through the buildings with your stomach twisting in panic and anxiety at the thought of Sunghoon being in so much trouble he couldn’t pick up the phone and call you himself.
The line was silent for a few seconds before you heard the sound of the call ending, pulling it off your ear again to glance at your screen quickly and letting out a screamed curse at the fact he had hung up.
You still didn’t slow down despite not understanding what was even happening, why you felt the overwhelming urge to return back to your dorm but as you rounded the final corner you understood what the strange feeling in your gut was. You faltered in your step when you saw the body slumped in front of your door, knowing who it was without having to get closer and confirm.
“Oh no, no no.” You repeated a soft mantra of upset as you darted over to Sunghoon, dropping to your knees once you were near him and your hands reached out to grab him before stopping.
You didn’t want to hurt him and he let out a small groan that indicated you would if you touched him, hands hovering over his body and looking around frankly in case his cousin was still lingering around somewhere.
You didn’t see any signs of anybody but you knew Sunghoon couldn’t have been laying there long and they could be just off in the distance, watching you to see what you would do with the boy laying on your welcome mat. Your frown was deep as you finally grabbed on to him, ignoring his mumbled complaints and attempts to swat you away.
It took you a long time to manage to drag him inside, almost contemplating calling your friends for help before realizing what a terrible idea dragging them into this would be.
Eventually, you had him inside on the floor and you hands came up to frantically run through your hair in panic. You weren’t sure what you were meant to do, scanning over his frame to try and determine if he was injured enough to go to the hospital but you couldn’t see the extent of the damage through his layers and you paused as you watched him.
“Park.” You were kneeling back down beside him on your floor and whispering softly, nudging his shoulder with your hand and letting out a sigh of relief when he made a small noise of complaint. “Okay good, at least you’re alive.”
“Are you disappointed?” He was suddenly forcing out and you jumped away from his body in shock, clutching your chest at the unexpected sound of his croaking voice.
His head turned slowly in your direction at the sound of your shocked scream and you took a few seconds to try and catch your breath before you were frowning and leaning forward to shove his arm softly. He let out a loud groan at the feeling of you scolding him but you ignored it and furrowed your eyebrows.
“You idiot, I thought you had a concussion or something.” You spat out at him and you thought you saw his lip curl up for a second in amusement.
“Don’t be so sure I don’t.” He retorted with a wince and you noted his slurred words, leaning in to try and see if you smell alcohol on him. “Trust me, if I was drunk it wouldn’t hurt this bad.”
“What the fuck happened to you Park?” You were mumbling, still leaning over him on your floor and scanning his face to make sure he wasn’t going to lose consciousness mid conversation. You’d definitely have to take him to the hospital if that was the case, still highly considering it judging by how out of it he sounded.
“Family stuff.” He was answering after a prolonged silence and your frown deepened at the confusing implications, reminding yourself to question him more thoroughly later on. “Did I worry you?”
“By showing up at my door like a corpse? Yeah slightly.” You scoffed as you answered him and his lips curled up more, border-lining on the first actual smile you’d seen from him.
“You weren’t home.” He said after a few beats and his voice suddenly went serious again, soft and almost whining at the fact you hadn’t been here when he first arrived. You figured he was only acting this way because he was out of it and not thinking clearly, his hand extending in your direction and twitching a few times being more proof behind that thought.
You stared at it before eventually giving in and taking it in yours gently, feeling the way he immediately squeezed them together in relief and your frown deepened as he looked at you again.
“You always look so sad around me.” He was continuing on and his eyes were going in all directions around your face, having trouble focusing on any specific part. His voice was weirdly saddened and your heart thumped uncomfortably at the fact he was lacking a filter currently. “Not anyone else, with them you’re smiling and laughing. Just around me.”
You didn’t answer him for a while, because you honestly weren’t sure how. You’d become accustomed to that sort of dynamic with him, assuming from the get go that he was no good and out to get you at all times. You hadn’t necessarily considered that your change of behavior with solely him would upset him at all, causing his lips to turn down in a frown.
You’d said before that you never found him particularly mean, just prone to causing unnecessary stress on you and disrupting your typically perfect schedule in a way that caused you to react before you thought.
“I’m not sad around you.” You were eventually saying softly and you found yourself meaning what you said, squeezing his hand and using your free one to push some of his hair out of his face. “You just confuse me.”
He looked like he wanted to say something but his mouth closed after a few seconds and he just gave a small nod, closing his eyes again. For a moment you thought he had fallen asleep before he was suddenly attempting to sit up, catching you by surprise.
You helped him maneuver his way over to your small dorm bed, taking off his shoes once he was laying down and trying not to think about how strange it was to see him in such a familiar space. Not to mention, the relaxed state he was in as he laid back against your pillows and breathed out a sigh of relief once he caught a hint of your scent.
It was hard not to laugh as you watched him, biting your lip to hold it in but occasionally offering him small chuckles when he kept glancing at you with a drunken look on his pretty face. It made your stomach turn to see the bruised adorning said face, his lip cracked and bleeding slightly and you could tell other areas were going to swell after a few more hours.
You wished he was conscious enough for you to ask him what had happened in more detail but you figured he wouldn’t answer you regardless.
His breathing slowly evened out after a few minutes of you trying to get him as comfortable as possible, bringing a cup of water and pain killers to your bedside for him to take as soon as he woke up. You watched him carefully after he finally dozed off and you considered laying on the floor for a moment before you sighed and climbed into bed beside him, figuring it was the least he could allow considering he had shown up on your doorstep so late after running out on you.
“Night Park.” You were mumbling it more to yourself, curling over on your side and trying to avoid touching him as much as possible, letting yourself drift off to sleep.
——
You woke up in a panic at the realization somebody was wrapped around you, completely forgetting your current situation.
You only calmed down when you heard him softly groan in protest, feeling his big hand that was currently thrown over your side, squeeze softly to try and remind you that it was just him in your bed.
Just Park Sunghoon in your bed… half asleep with his arm wrapped around your stomach only a few hours after you’d had an intense make out session in a broom closet. You laid back flat and held your breath as you considered getting out of bed to avoid his touch, stopping when you realized his breathing was quieter now and your abrupt wake up had also taken him out of his deep sleep.
“Sorry.” You mumbled, shifting uncomfortably at the feeling of his fingers flexing against your skin. Your shirt had ridden up in the night and he could feel your warm skin underneath his rough palm.
“It’s okay.” He was whispering back and you felt a bit dizzy at how close his voice was to you, his breath fanning across your neck. You waited for him to remove his hand now that he was more alert, but quickly realized he didn’t plan to when his thumb gently swiped over your hip bone. “I’m sorry too.”
You hadn’t expected to hear the words from him, not sure if he was talking about being dropped off here and interrupting your night or about what had happened in the classroom. You didn’t want to question him, hoping it applied to both and that he genuinely meant it.
He was taking a deep breath when you shifted carefully backwards, letting his chest hit your back and feeling your heart race when his hand was sliding forward to rest gently over your stomach. You were spooning now, far more intimate than you’d foreseen the two of you ever being but you wanted to somehow communicate your forgiveness to him without having to voice it.
“You remember anything?” You asked him carefully, not sure if it was too early to cross that line yet or if he was expecting it.
“Just you.” He whispered back and the words felt heavy, his chest vibrating against your back and your mouth downturned instinctively at the hidden meaning there.
You didn’t think it was completely morning yet, that weird time of the night where the room turned a soft shade of blue and you could hear the birds outside the small room starting to chirp and move around. You and Sunghoon laid in silence for a while but you could tell he hadn’t fallen back to sleep, his thumb still gently caressing your skin as he took deep painful breaths.
“Should we go to the hospital?” You were whispering after a while, voice soft against the silence and you hoped the inclusion of yourself in this scenario didn’t pass by him unnoticed.
“Not yet.” His voice was low and hoarse but it had more emotion than it normally did, sounding almost desperate, like he was asking your permission to stay here in this moment with you. “Let’s just stay here a little longer, just like this.”
His words were heavy again and you weren’t a stranger to the fact that you had a lot of talking to do, healing from the strange back and forth and multiple conversations that would definitely be somewhat uncomfortable. All this was weighing on you for a second after he said it, finding it more in your comfort zone to immediately tackle and issue and find a plausible solution.
You let this habit and anxiety fade away the best you could, understanding that there was time for that later and you didn’t need to pop the bubble you were currently in with him.
Right now, you could be nothing but two people laying together. You could turn off the words of your friends about his hidden feelings for you, set aside his injuries and your longing to understand what exactly had caused them. You didn’t need to be enemies or friends who didn’t communicate to each other properly, you didn’t need to be the person he left behind in the classroom and he didn’t need to wonder why you never looked carefree around him.
For now you could just lay here together and listen to the sound of his breathing, feel it brush against your neck almost in sync with his gentle touch.
For now you could just be.
N
#enhypen#enhypen drabbles#enhypen fanfiction#heeseung#sunghoon enhypen#sunghoon fluff#sunghoon angst#sunghoon smut#sunghoon fic#sunghoon fanfic#sunghoon x you#sunghoon x reader#sunghoon#sunghoon drabbles#enhypen au#enhypen smut#riki enhypen#jungwon enhypen#jungwon fanfic#jungwon#riki fanfic#riki#nishimura niki
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Hi! Big fan of your oneshots. Can I request a female Gojo x lookism men characters. Where Gojo dies and is reincarnated into the popular webtoon Lookism but "HE" became a "SHE". Gojo being gojo causes mayhem wherever she goes and rizzing people especially teasing the students at J-high because she is now their teacher. And Gojo is more chaotic than Goo and I imagine her saying to Gun, "I'm the strongest". Since he reincarnated as a girl and in a world without curse energy he doesn't have any CE but he is still super strong just like the OP characters in the webtoon especially since he's an expert in the martial arts. He still has the six eyes but not as OP and draining he just can see really well than the average person.
Female! Gojo Reader x Lookism Cast!
𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐏𝐋𝐘 𝐁𝐔𝐓 𝐈 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐀 (𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐉𝐉𝐊 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐧𝐨 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝐦𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐥).
𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: 𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐤 (𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐲)
𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝐠𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐚 𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐝 𝐮𝐩 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬,𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 (𝐧𝐨 𝐩𝐮𝐧 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐝)
In the world filled with infinite possibilities, you wouldn't expect to end up in another universe. You, one of the most (if not) powerful sorcerer in the whole world ends up dying in the hands of Sukuna. And you wouldn't expect to get reincarnated in an ordinary world without curses. Well, that's what you thought at first.
You were first confused at how did you turn into a baby. But lucky for you, your family is part of one of the most wealthiest and powerful Yakuza in Japan. Growing up, you were confused about your identity. Asking your mom if you really turned into the opposite sex. "Ma, can I ask you something?" "Sure darling, what's the matter?" she asked with a sweet tone as she prepares your meal. "Am I really a girl?" "Well, physically you are a girl. But if you feel like not fitting with the other little girls, it's okay if you like masculine toys. But inside of you must be always genuinely kind and is ready to help others without wanting anything in return."
You may still have the familiar sapphire blue eyes, hair fluffy like clouds, skin white as snow, and your personality intact with your female body, you still can't help but to feel weirded out in your early life. Without your powers, you felt the familiar feeling of dread linger through your soul. All the training and physique were wasted because of that monster! But you forced your dad to teach you martial arts. He almost scolded and beaten you up for "disobeying" his rules as you are not fitted to replace his heir. Feeling that familiar burst of pride in your heart that wanted to explode and lash out to him and knowing to yourself that you have LOTS of experience in your past life as a Jujutsu Sorcerer, you trained yourself for years to prove your own father wrong and show him who really is the weak one. Time-skip ahead, you successfully graduated and hired as a teacher for Physical Education knowing that you are body-kinesthetic.
You made your way into the school hallways with your bag. Instead of books for your lessons that you will discuss about, it's filled with sweet treats (and some lip balms to keep yourself ✨sexy, gorgeous, and daring✨. You remember high-school days when many teenage boys at your age often fight outside your house when they used to court you. "Sorry, I'm not attracted to men and girls are really scary! Sheesh people are so cheesy these days!"
Knowing your instincts, you tend to be a bit too friendly with other people as you are excited to annoy another living soul in this earth today. "He~~LLO!" you greeted quite loudly as the poor guy squeaked in surprise at your presence. "WUAH FUCK! Oh, shi- I'm sorry sunsengnim!" (teacher). "Oh, NO WORRIES PAL. You must be new here, right?" you questioned as you introduced yourself to the new student. "Well, I am (*insert female name here*) and according to every men and women that I had rizzed, I'm the most prettiest and sexiest woman and teacher in this country. Well then nice to meet you." you winked as to express your friendliness as he awkwardly shook your pale hands with his sweaty ones. "Ah, I'm sorry for the overflowing enthusiasm. Let's go to your new class for us to meet them!" you chuckled as you ate your mochi, even offering to share Hyung-Seok but he politely declines.
The moment you and Daniel entered the Fashion Department class, everyone's jaws dropped as it almost hit on the floor for dramatic effect. And you know that you weren't wasting their time when you gave all those candies as prizes by making up a warm-up game before classes begins as they are already fond of you! The other boys trying to impress you as you platonically tease them even though you have no romantic attraction on them. And the GIRLS WOULD LOVE YOU SO MUCH. Your hair and eyes also makes them fond of you (especially Zoe since she's a Beauty-Nerd). "OMG ARE YOU AN ANGEL OR SOMETHING?!" she squealed as you let her braid her hair as you relaxed on your chair and placed your legs on the teacher's table despite it being against the rules on free time. The others were doing their own shenanigans as you keep telling them to quiet down. "So, you think I'm hot or something? I'm glad you know. Oh Zack stop abusing Jiho's hand it's just arm wrestling!'
And they also enjoy your performance activities too! Since their courses is all about sewing with those mind-twisting history behind it, of course they will get sleepy and stressed out about it. But being the bold and bright-spirited that you are, you know school won't be fun without a little stretch of your body. So you make sure that whatever you teach them sports will be easily followed, yet you tend to forget to uncomplicate the rules since you're pride and confidence gets in the way at times. Sports and a little bit of martial arts (especially with the boys) are so fun! Being competitive, you taught them not only the basic techniques and skills that all can master. But you also thought them discipline when using it as you also sighed to yourself that you can get a bit cocky when fighting too as the adrenaline keeps chasing you to your high when fighting a strong opponent. You can see Daniel, Zack, heck even Jay taking down notes to this. The other departments are also fond with you as they really idolize you as their teacher (especially The Architecture Department).
But despite having your comedic side, it's rest assured that you are not letting anyone slide whoever tries to mess with you or anyone you know or fond with. The bullies will just stare at you cowardly as you look back at them with your striking cerulean eyes yet they seem uncanny because of your menacing expression. "You little fuckers, didn't your parents told you to not disturb anyone in the way?" "WE'RE SORRY SUNGSENGNIM!"
Yet since your family background is REALLY involved with the gangs (and the 4 major crews as you have minor knowledge around it), you started to get involved with the drama. Not only because you want to protect the innocence of your students as you grew fond over them, but because you tend to get a bit bored on teaching and pissing off your co-teachers. You smirked as the thought of fighting strong opponents excites you.
And you're excitement matches up with the sturdy and powerful fighters in this universe. You even helping out your students to bring down some of the most-feared men in Korea like Jonggun and Jungoo. You even got to flirt with them with a moment before you went face-to-face with the two as you declined their offer as they asked you to be their new member for Charles Choi's success.
"Miss, I'll ask you again. Why is it that you don't want to join our team? Are you so worried about leaving your students?" The black eyed male whispered at your ear as crimson-red blood drips down to his chin as you smirked at the bruise you gave him at the side of his lips. "And for a hottie like you, I didn't expect you to be this strong! So why not join us for a million won and even more?!" the blondie exclaimed as he swung his pipe as his weapon of choice. Him looking around at the building with lots of damage done from your fighting. "First of all, that's three questions. And yes, I have no plans to team up with your shitty team since I like hanging out with my students. And lover boy take note of this, I'M GOING TO SHIT ON YOUR FACE BECAUSE I"M THE STRONGEST!" you maniacally laughed as you landed a kick on Shiro Oni's face once again as he's starting to feel aroused excited about the energy that you're giving him. "If so, then LET'S FUCKING KILL EACH OTHER RIGHT NOW!" he ripped his shirt off as he rushed towards you as you did the same with that smile. "OI YOU'RE FORGETTING ME HERE I'M THE MAIN CHARACTER!" Goo replied as he plans to attack you from the back.
#lookism x reader#lookism x y/n#lookism x you#daniel park x reader#lookism fic#gun park x reader#goo x reader
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Not sure if you've been asked this before, but imagine a slasher with a nurse that's like John wick? (GN) like it's up to you if they're an assassin but just imagine how comical that'd be like one day they end up taking on like 20 people with ease- k!llin' people with a pencil (😭)
Bonus if we can get the Letters reaction🥺
"~Oh. You certainly know how to have fun."
He knew, but it doesn’t mean he enjoyed it any less. He saw you cutting and stabbing through flesh like it was nothing with stars in his eyes.
Penny helped you of course. But, he did enjoy watching you kill half of them in a matter of seconds.
"Well well…Looks like this kitty’s got nasty claws, huh ?"
Pennywise was agreeably surprised. He saw you kill with such ease. He didn’t expect it from you.
He thought you were sweet, but when he saw just how strong you were…He felt his respect growing towards you. Especially since he got to eat half of the guys you murdered.
Patricia was proud of you.
She looked at you for a moment before taking you in her arms.
"Aww…My little girl/boy all grown up and ready to stab. I am so proud of you."
Proud mother right there.
Michael had always been suspicious of you. The way you handled a knife was too precise and efficient. Only a true pro would be able to handle it like that.
But, he only realised how powerful you really were when you heard that one of the slashers had been assaulted and you didn’t even hesitate before stabbing the man/woman in the arm with a pen.
Michael had to stop you and he didn’t even want to. But the way you were going at it, you would have surely lost your job.
"A pen ?! A freaking pen ?!" *bursts out laughing*
You made Jack’s day. He knew you could be dangerous…but a pen ? Really ?
He could almost taste death in the room and it made him euphoric. He quickly grabbed a snack and leaned back as he enjoyed watching you be violent.
Norman would be a little puzzled at first, but he’d soon grow interested. He’d try to figure out where your learned to defend yourself and attack with such efficiency.
"That was rather impressive, my little monster…" *waits a few seconds before smirking* "…Do it again."
Norman is as bloodthirsty as they come. He likes to kill, but he’d be thrilled to see you take a life in front of him. It would be like watching an innocent little rabbit turn into a wolf.
Jason would be surprised.
He always saw you as the nice nurse who wouldn’t hurt a fly. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it at first, but he quickly got used to the idea. He then enjoyed watching you kill. That little sparkle in your eyes when you’d defend the slashers…
He’d even learn to enjoy seeing you have fun at it.
"High-five !" *proceeds to do just that*
Freddy already liked you, but when he saw you take on a whole team of infiltrated soldiers…He was impressed and aroused.
Freddy is high on pain and suffering. He feeds on fear and would love you even more for it.
The way you were covered in blood and seemed completely unfazed by it.
The way your eyes completely lost all light and you seemed calm as you stabbed three grown men in the chest.
The way you were barely short of breath after having completely wiped out the enemy.
Brahms barely spoke afterwards.
You thought he was mad at you, but you quickly understood that it was quite the opposite. He had seen a new side of you he didn’t expect. And frankly ? He liked it.
"…Ya know what ? Ya jus’ made me 100% more into ya, sugar. Consider me a fan."
Bo is violent. He likes violence. So, of course he’d love watching you kill people.
He’d stand there and watch your victims drop like flies with a smile on his face.
He thought about helping, but quickly realised you didn’t need any help and he just enjoyed the show.
#fandoms#imagine#fanfic#pennywise 2017#pennywise 1990#slashers#pennywise x reader#michael myers x reader#freddy krueger x reader#jason voorhees x reader#norman bates x reader#the horde x reader#jack torrance x reader#bo sinclair x reader#slashers au#brahms heelshire x reader
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THAT DAMNED SPREADSHEET
DOES ANYONE TO HEAR ABOUT MY ADVENTURE IN THE SPREADSHEET?
Cause I'm pretty damned sure I know what getting "High" on Milgram means.
Talking about his being rejected by the Magnus Institute, Samama said:
[That definitely feels like when it all started. […] Well, after that it all just went downhill. Didn’t get into Oxford, so I went to Nottingham.]
And that does not sound like what one would say about something that happened when they were, like, eight. So I went to take another look at the spreadsheet. Of course I was wrong, because The Magnus Institute burned in 1999, so he couldn’t have been more than nine, but I found out other stuff.
A thing that bugs me in how I’ve read some discussing the spreadsheet is that Sam has the highest empathy score, and that it made him “too nice/good” for the Institute’s purposes (not necessarily this directly but it has been implied, including in the “recruiting future avatar theories, and… well, implying that low empathy makes you more likely to become a literal monster is quite disgusting, actually).
First, I think we got one thing wrong on the Kohlberg column. Since they are kids, it doesn’t seem shocking that they’d be around stages 1 to 3 of his “Six stages of moral development”; but it doesn’t say Stage 1, 2 or 3 it says Level 1, 2 or 3, and I don’t think it’s a mistake.
His six stages are divided into three levels: Pre-Conventional (1,2), Conventional (3,4) and Post-Conventional (5,6).
People in stages 1 and 2 (Level 1) have a sense of morality that is linked to the direct consequences of their actions on themself — stage 1 is “don’t hit the dog because you’ll be punished” and stage 2 “give her half your banana and you’ll get half her chocolate bar” (very simplified).
People on stages 3 and 4 (Level 2) have internalized their surrounding’s sense of morality and act accordingly — stage 3 being “I’ll get a good grade in being a person by following the rules” and stage 4 “the rules I learnt are true and real, failing to follow them is Wrong and upholding them is Right” (idem).
People on stages 5 and 6 (Level 3) have a personal sense of morality that is critical of societal norms — stage 5 being “there are rules, and those rules can and should be changed through compromise to be fair to the greatest number”, and stage 6 “unfair rules should not be followed, direct consequences like punishment are irrelevant when it comes to deciding to do what it right” (very, very, very simplified).
If I’m right, the spreadsheet is so much more understandable.
First thing I wanted to do was put numbers on how singular Sam’s results are:
He gets “High” on both Milgram and Asch when the overwhelming tendency is that the higher your other scores are, the more likely you are to get “Low”, and the numbers were, indeed, that among the 49 children who scored “High” on both, 33 were in Piaget’s stage 1, 15 were in stage 2 and only Sam was in stage 3.
The 33 kids who were in stage 1 are the opposite of Sam:
(Abbreviating so it’s easier to compare values but P=Piaget, K=Kohlberg, Ps=Prosocial, S-A=Sally-Anne, U=Ultimatum, EI=Empathy Index)
33K: (P) Stage 1 :: (K) Level 1 :: (Ps) Low :: (S-A) Fail :: (U) Unfair :: (EI) ≥62%
Sam: (P) Stage 3 :: (K) Level 3 :: (Ps) High :: (S-A) Pass :: (U) Fair :: (EI) 98%
So that’s weird. And when I went to filter by Kohlberg levels… absolutely no kid that was on “Level 2” scored High on Milgram and Asche.
In fact, among the 99 kids on Kohlberg Level 2, none got “Low” for prosocial, none got “High” on Milgram, only 2 got “High” on Asch.
And when we read “Level 2 (Conventional Morality) instead of “Stage 2 (Pre-Conventional Morality, what benefits me directly)” we can make sense of this:
“To reason in a conventional way is to judge the morality of actions by comparing them to society's views and expectations. […] Conventional morality is characterized by an acceptance of society's conventions concerning right and wrong. At this level an individual obeys rules and follows society's norms even when there are no consequences for obedience or disobedience. Adherence to rules and conventions is somewhat rigid, however, and a rule's appropriateness or fairness is seldom questioned.” (by Kohlberg himself, from Wikipedia)
Adults can be Level 2, by the way. Adults can even be Level 1. Subjects of the Milgram experiment are displaying peak Level 2 behavior.
“High” on Milgram is “Did not electrocute/Disobeyed”
“High” on Asch is “Did not conform”
GOSH THAT IS SATISFYING
Bonus: the average empathy index is 79,1%, the median is 82% with 116 kids below 82%, 13 kids at 82% and 120 kids above. Of the 116 kids below the median, 11 got “Low” on Milgram. Of the 13 median kids, 3 got “Low” on Milgram. Of the 120 kids above, 91 got “Low”.
If we take the average instead, of the 163 kids more empathetic than the average, 100 got “Low” on Milgram, and 2 got “High”, of the 86 less empathetic than the average, 5 got “Low” and 59 for “High” on Milgram.
So actually here, low empathy is inversely correlated to willingness to hurt if ordered to.
And it makes sense. Low empathy is often associated with anti-social personality disorder, autism, depression — and you know what’s very associated with anti-social personality disorder? Disobedience.
Now I have to make another post about the weird kids in red's names.
#tmagp#tmagp theory#tmagp arg#samama khalid#tmagp spoilers#the magnus protocol#the magnus institute#the spreadsheet#guys i am so unused to numbers now#it's three am and i haven't eaten since breakfast#i don't even know if someone made a post like this already but i didn't find anything
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When Bachira was first introduced, I actually didn't quite like his character much.
At a quick first glance, it's not tough to perceive him as the stereotypical quirky best friend/companion character for a protagonist—at least, that's what I judged him to be. Not hating on sunshine characters, but the first thing that came into my mind was, "So cliché." After Ego's such an intense speech, I just didn't appreciate the thought of a character being opposite to the more serious tone of the Manga; felt like pushing a character into the bandwagon of, "Idc if I'm weird, I love being me."
But now if someone were to say that they don't like Bachira, then I give them the most diabolical side-eye to have ever side-eyed in the history of side-eyeing.
I don't know how or maybe Rin was speaking with what he had experienced himself, but he grasped Bachira's character much better and before Isagi did (read left to right):
I didn't think of it much at that time, I just thought Rin was just being all high and mighty, but a small realisation did form in the back of my mind that despite the whole concept/ideal of Blue Lock and being a top notch player himself, Bachira always appeared like he was looking for someone and while others were trying make a goal by themselves in the Team Z, he was passing to Isagi—that's one of the reason I think Ego saw through too, maybe that's why Bachira was in Team Z and not higher.
Panning the focus to his childhood:
Just look at him trying to convince them to play more soccer with him.
*sigh*
He is so precious and my heart nearly broke when those kids were calling him gross and weird:
As someone with Mommy issues, you might not fully understand how much I adore Bachira's mother. Without her, Bachira would've lost himself completely. She is just amazing.
..but:
It was because of her that Bachira was able to continue believing in himself. He didn't want to lose the voice that others lost—that's one of the reasons why I think he made an imaginary friend, his monster, so that he wouldn't forget the voice.
However, amidst everything, he was just.. lonely.
He envisioned his soccer through the image of his monster. It was easier that way, at least, for him. However, he could only see that monster in those who were behind the screens—the actual pro players. That's why he wished to play just like them and to find someone who played soccer like him, understood the 'fun' part of soccer.
He was so lonely..
..and that's when Isagi came:
I'm so sorry to all Isagi x Bachira shipper, but I, sometimes, can't help but low-key despise you guys. I'm not saying all, but many of you have just reduced them to a Twink x Twink ship. I'm not against shipping, ship whoever you want as long as it's morally ethical and you aren't shoving it down my throat, but this ship does overshadows the actual beauty of their relation—their beautiful friendship.
Bachira had already started doubting himself whether he'd ever find someone or not—whether he'd be forever lonely with his soccer or not and that's when Isagi came. That's why Bachira loves Isagi so much—he was his first true friend after all.
Just to clarify again, I'm not against Isagi x Bachira ship and neither do I hate it. Please do not attack me. I'm not trying to shame anyone for shipping them.
I hope @thebluelockroyals, you now understand why I think Bachira has a sad backstory.
Loneliness is awful and the fear of never finding someone who understands you and your love for something you enjoy is heart wrenching. Some might argue that he got a wonderful mother, but sometimes, it's just not enough. Helplessness never sees your comfort—he had her, but he wished for someone who resonated in the same frequency as him.
.
.
.
This face screams, "I ated glass":
Younger!Bachira gives me so much baby fever. God! The cuteness aggression! I'll definitely give my own child the same hairstyle as his.
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hii !! 🫶🏻 just discovered your account and i love it !! :) i was wondering if you could write some more headcannons about ellie? like, what job would she do? etc. i like to think that if she existed today, she'd probably be an illustrator for children's books !! that'd be so cool, tbh. i can see her making books about space or dinosaurs, and going to book fairs at schools to meet kiddos and talk to them about it. (crossover with professor!abby who used to teach little kids 🫶🏻🫶🏻) aah. sorry for rambling. but like, i just think ellie would have a blast if she existed today. like with all the museums ?? all the new ways to make art ?? but anyway !! what are *your* headcannons for modern ellie !! 🪐🫶🏻
modern!ellie’s job!! (hc) 🦕
thx for the request bae cause this made me smile so big. i have SO many hcs for modern ellie like i’ve been waiting for this moment!!!!! also dw about rambling i love to hear your thoughts 🤗
ok for starters i think ellie would be a nerd in high school. i know that some people headcanon her as a jock or a stoner (and that ellie has a special place in my heart) but i definitely think she’d be the opposite tbh. i imagine her with only a few friends (dina, jesse, cat). and i also think she’d have insanely good grades because she’s just smart like that. and all of her teachers love her because even though she’s quiet, she’s really kind and creative.
also i think her family would be just her and joel and maybe a dog. like imagine her spending her weekends getting guitar lessons from joel and then taking her dog on a walk and documenting it in her journal. she would fr have such a blast!!!!
for college i definitely think she’d major in astronomy/astrophysics or maybe art history?? and in her last years of college, she’d get a job as a secretary for a science museum. honestly, she didn’t hate it, but she was super jealous of the tour guide because she got to take all of the cute little kids on a walk and talk about the fun stuff while ellie had to sit behind a desk all day. but after begging her supervisor enough, she’d get promoted to tour guide after the mean old lady who used to do it retired.
and guess what??? the kiddos loved her!!! she always made sure the kids were having a great time and she knew a lot about what she was talking about, whether it was dinosaurs or planets or volcanoes. and the joke book came everywhere with her!! absolutely nothing made her happier than hearing the little monsters giggling and squealing about a joke that wasn’t even that funny.
abby and ellie would become good friends because of the time abby took her class to the museum on a field trip. they ended up actually really liking each other, especially because they had so much in common. and sometimes after work they’d meet up at a bar and talk about life, it was nice for them to both have a new friend who was equally as nerdy.
ellie would be a tour guide for quite a few years while abby got her doctorate. a few years after abby became a professor, ellie tried out illustrating a childrens book for a local visitor at the museum who was really fond of ellie. it was nothing too big, but she was really proud of it.
after she finished the drawings for the book, she wanted to try writing one of her own. so she decided to write a textbook for kids about dinosaurs with her own illustrations and a joke on every page.
safe to say it was super successful!!! she ended up going to local elementary schools and educating the littles about the different types of dinosaurs and each era they lived in. and you better believe old man joel was so proud!!!! his little girl ellie that he used to take to dinosaur museums was now writing her own dinosaur books!!!
i think eventually she’d quit her job at the museum and focus on being a writer full time, along with keeping art as a hobby. and i can 100% see her getting married and adopting a kid just like joel adopted her, and she’d pass on all of her science knowledge to her mini self. also i think she’d mainly only write science textbooks for kids, but may end up publishing a sci-fi novel or two.
i think that’s all :3 thanks for the ask sweetie pie ilysm 🫶
daily click / israeli themes in tlou
#to all the anons who have sent requests i swear i’m not ignoring you on purpose 😭#ellie williams#ellie williams tlou2#ellie williams tlou#ellie williams x reader#modern!ellie#the last of us
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Hi:) thanks to twol I fell in love with richonne and im watching twd and I couldn't tell when exactly they fell in love when do you think it was? When did they realize it? (I feel like rick knew it long before her in that 6x10ep he was like "finally" when they kissed)
hi! first of all let me just say I love the fact that you started watching because of richonne lol THEIR POWER. how are you enjoying both shows??
second of all, thank you so much for asking me this question, because it is one of my favorite things to think about.
I'm gonna start with michonne because I think it's way more clear cut for her. I have always personally believed that she fell in love with rick when he bit the shit out of that guy joe's throat in order to protect carl (and michonne and daryl for that matter). danai recently said this as well, - that while this was a subconscious turning point for michonne. I think this tracks, considering the show goes out of its way to use this moment to draw a direct comparison between rick and mike, michonne's ex/dead boyfriend. in her scene with carl in the immediate aftermath of the bite scene, she tells carl that it's important to know how her first son died: because his father gave up, got high and was too weak and neglectful to protect his child. she, essentially, tells carl that rick is the exact opposite of that, and that he shouldn't think badly of rick because of what he did (and in turn, shouldn't think badly of himself either, which is lovely), that instead of thinking of rick as a monster, he should know that what rick did was necessary. for michonne to lose her first child that way, only to see rick find a way to protect his family with both hands (literally) tied behind his back? of course she fell in love with him then. that moment on the tracks with rick right afterwards ("I'm okay"/"I know"/"how?/ "because I'm okay too") is also a direct comparison to lori. lori was horrified when she learned that rick killed shane. michonne, by contrast, is just grateful. she does not judge him or look at him any differently. she just loves him for it. and the way danai played it, I think you can see it on her face in that scene.
I do agree with danai that this was subconscious for michonne until the scene on the couch in 6x10. the look on her face is such a blatant "oh" moment straight out of fanfiction that it's pretty clear (to me, anyway) that while she was already in love with him this was the first time she allowed herself to see it.
rick I think is a bit harder to pin down. it's well documented by pretty much everyone and their mother (including but not limited to: the richonne fandom, yvette nicole brown, norman reedus, andrew's lincoln's mom, etc) that rick was, at the very least attracted to michonne and looking her up and down as early as the prison. but, I think he fell in love with her when they reunited after the prison fell, when he saw that she was able to reach carl in a way that he himself could not. a long standing concern for rick at that point was trying to preserve what was left of carl's innocence, and it was something rick struggled with due to his own mental health issues/his responsibilities as a leader. so to see michonne break through to carl, and even make him laugh on the train tracks and act like a kid again? I think that was everything to rick.
rick basically, quite literally actually, asks her to co-parent carl with him at that point (the "if you need a break/I'm done taking breaks" scene), and from then on treats her not just as his equal within the larger the group, but as a co-parent in the smaller family unit between himself, michonne, carl, and judith. he makes decisions for the entire group based on her opinion and her needs (such as walking to washington solely because she asks him to, and then agreeing with her decision to trust aaron and go to alexandria). it's where the shift starts for him.
but, I'm also inclined to think that this shift was subconscious for rick too, up until the moment on the couch, or maybe just before it. I say this mostly do the jessie arc when they first get to alexandria, which while sloppily done, basically boiled down to rick projecting all of his unresolved lori-shaped guilt onto a lori-shaped stand in. I don't think he could be consciously aware of being in love with michonne until all of those issues were resolved. notably, richonne get together the episode right after jessie dies, so I think that tracks. I agree though, that the way andy played that moment on the couch be seen as a finally moment. so my best guess is that he consciously realized he was in love with michonne during the (two month? is that right?) time gap betweeen 6x09 and 6x10. you can see in the opening of 6x10 that rick, michonne, and carl are really overtly domestic and settled with each other, so I think it's totally plausible he was aware of his own feelings by that episode before the couch scene. BUT I also think an argument can be made for him also having his own oh moment on the couch too, the minute he touched her hand. I think that's debatable.
anyway, I'm so sorry for writing this novel lmao. when do you think they fell in love with each other?
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rose-colored glasses (all distorted) | lee jeno
title: rose-colored glasses (all distorted)
pairing: lee jeno x fem!oc/reader (no name used, written in third person) | mentioned: oc's brother!jaemin, lee haechan, park jisung
genre: bet!au, brother’s best friend, angst, smut, fluff (if you squint) | requested
summary: a long-lasting crush for her brother’s best friend, a bet, obsession, devotion and jealousy; all things that cannot lead to anything good. But the world that Jeno showed her was perfect and she couldn’t see what it really hid behind the rose-colored glasses. It was all distorted.
warnings: angst, manipulation, gaslighting, fights, jealousy, smut, fingering, oral sex (m and f), (semi) public sex (on Ferris wheel), pussyjob (i guess??), degradation, praise, dirty talk, unprotected sex, jealous sex, make-up sex, inexperienced!oc, feeling like tagging this dubcon bc of the heavy power imbalances (jeno is mean at the start and then he’s slightly possessive and she would do anything to have him in any way, do what you need to do with this information) but there’s always consent
words: 18.294k
playlist: who are you ; 5h | like that ; bea miller | lose you to love me ; selena gomez | you all over me ; taylor swift | case closed ; little mix | can't help falling in love with you (dark) ; tommee profitt | monster ; exo
a/n: i promise it’s a bet!au but with a darker twist. I enjoyed writing this even if it’s quite out of my comfort zone (please don’t make me write mean men anymore I need them to be himbo male wives) but as I said I’m happy with it so I hope the anon that requested it (and all of you) will like it anyway. This story has no intentions of romanticizing this kind of behaviour, if you realize you’re in a manipulative/toxic relationship please ask for help.
taglist: @wooyoung4eva @jenoxygen @sunshinedhyuck @kundann @jaeymark
Having a crush on her brother’s best friends was one of the dumbest things she could ever do. Especially when they had always been in two different leagues.
Jeno had always been the popular kid at school, after a few years of being a loser in middle school, he picked in high school and college. He was everybody’s first love, tall, charming, the captain of the basketball team, and he even had good grades.
She, on the other hand, was the opposite. Not a loser like the typical image of the silly girl with pigtails and round, big glasses who spent her days reading books. But still not popular enough to be at his level. She was reserved, she preferred minding her business and spending time with her few friends instead of living in the chaos of frat parties, or disco nights with people she barely knew. She was Jaemin’s sister but she couldn’t be any more different than him. Probably being his sister was the thing that worsened everything. Everybody expected her to be as cool as her brother, funny, cute and charming at the same time, but most importantly, not annoying.
And yet, all those differences didn’t stop her from falling for Jeno. It was rather impossible when he was always at their place. They grew up together. Sure, she was always a step behind, watching from the side, laughing at his jokes when nobody else did, reminding his birthday to Jaemin that never remembered, admiring him and cheering him silently for every accomplishment he made. But she was there, every day since she was ten falling for him deeper. By now she came to the conclusion it wasn’t just a stupid crush that was going to pass. Too many years had passed by and she still looked at him in the same, delusional, way. Even if Jeno never paid her much attention, no matter how hard she tried.
But it wasn’t like Jeno couldn’t see it. He knew she had a thing for him, he could see how she squirmed every time their bodies touched casually, or how big her lips curled when he greeted her and most importantly… rumors ran.
He knew. But there was something funny in keeping her on the edge, seeing that, somehow, the harsher he treated her, the more she came back, wagging her tail every time he acted just a little bit nicer than usual.
And his group of friends knew too, always joking about it when they all stayed at Jaemin’s place and he left for a few minutes, giving them the opportunity to talk about his sister that always found a way to go downstairs just to say hello. So they talked about her a lot, chuckling, joking, saying that overall she wasn’t that bad and maybe he could’ve given it a try. But all of them were a little bit too competitive. Jeno was sure that if he only gave her a bit more she would’ve fallen to her knees, Haechan believing that she was too proud and innocent to actually risk it for him, while Jisung listened, laughing, but not believing she would’ve given up so easily.
But Jeno was firm in his belief. He knew she was already his. But it was risky; she wasn’t just anybody, she was his best friend’s sister, and even if Jaemin never showed to care much about her, he knew it was still a dangerous game to play.
But Jeno was a player, and he loved risky games.
“What are you doing here?” She exclaimed when, turning around, she saw Jeno lean against her bedroom doorframe. “Jaemin’s not home.”
“I know,” he replied, shrugging and making his way in. “I wasn’t looking for Jaemin.”
She furrowed, trying not to panic over the fact he had never been so close to her with nobody else around. “Our parents aren’t home.”
He snickered, “I’m not looking for them, either.”
“Then who are you looking for?” Her voice betrayed her, shaking a bit, but she shrugged it off with an awkward chuckle.
“Damn, you are dumb, aren’t you?”
“What?”
“I’m looking for you,” he said, sitting on her bed, and looking around. “Jesus, you do love pink,” he exclaimed, almost with a hint of disgust in his voice.
“Can you tell me what are you doing in my room?” She asked, crossing her arms on her chest and standing in front of him, having no idea where she found the courage, and deciding to let the comment about her room fall.
“I’m throwing a party this weekend,” he explained, placing his hands behind him on the mattress, stretching his legs out and tilting his head to the side, “wanted to know if you were coming.”
She laughed awkwardly, shaking her head. “You are inviting me?”
“Yeah, why not?”
“You hated when my mom forced you to bring me along.”
“Yeah, because you were a loser back then and annoyed the fuck out of me.”
She gasped, staring at him in disbelief. “This is how you are inviting me to a party?”
“I said ‘were’, I think we can get along now,” he said, standing up, and leaning close to her. “Or am I wrong?” He whispered while his hand placed on her waist, making her move back in surprise, but he stopped her, gripping tighter.
She gulped, lifting her head, and stared at him. “You barely talk to me…”
Jeno smirked, caressing her cheek and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Well, maybe I want things to change.”
She swallowed, trying to keep her eyes on his and not on his lips, fighting the urge to lean in and kiss him. This meant nothing. Jeno never looked at her like that. So why would he start doing it now?
“Do you want things to change between us?” He asked, almost cooing, moving his thumb on her lips, grazing gently.
“Ye-yeah, I do,” she said, snapping out of her thoughts and pulling back, turning around to hide the big breath she was taking now that she wasn’t in his hold anymore. But Jeno knew it anyway; she always did that even when he barely touched her or stood too close to her for more than two minutes.
“Great, see you this Saturday, then,” Jeno smiled, winking at her before closing the door behind him.
Her heart was beating ten times faster than usual, and a grin was not leaving his face until he walked downstairs and saw Jaemin. That was going to be fun, but he needed to be careful.
The party wasn’t chaotic like the high-school parties he and Jaemin used to plan every time their parents weren’t home, it was mostly their closest friends and some other people she had never seen before. But the music wasn’t too loud, there was nobody already drunken or high, lying on the floor, and most importantly, there weren’t couples all over each other in the living room.
She found out later from her brother that it was an inauguration for the house Jeno just bought, finally free out of his parent’s clutches. But of him, there were no traces.
She had been wandering around the place for like ten minutes now, a drink in hand as she hummed to the music playing from the speakers. Pushing the black dress she was wearing down her thighs, regretting the choice every two seconds she took a step and it rolled a little bit more up on her legs.
“I was looking for you everywhere.”
“You scared me!” She screamed, turning around too swiftly and spilling the alcohol all over his shirt, gasping and biting her lips nervously when she realized what she had done. “I’m sorry, shit, sorry. I can help you fix that.”
“Enough,” Jeno stopped her, blocking her empty hand from touching his wet chest. “My bedroom, now.”
“Yo-your bedroom?” She stuttered as he dragged her upstairs, leaving the party behind. “What are we doing in your bedroom?”
Jeno laughed mockingly, pushing her inside. “We’re fixing the mess you made. Why? Thought I was dragging you here to fuck?”
She moved her mouth without letting out a sound, feeling shame creep over her face.
“Yes? Want me to fuck you, babe?” He asked, lifting her head up by the chin and smirking at her flustered face.
“I – no, why would I?” She chuckled awkwardly, pulling away. “If you get changed, I can clean it, and then I’ll give it back to you once it dried,” she said, bringing the topic back to his stained shirt.
“I have a washing machine here,” he said, hands moving to grab the hem of his shirt and pull it over his head, making her get lost in his toned chest and abs. She had never seen him so exposed, but she was sure as hell that he had never been like this before.
“Close your mouth,” he ordered.
“It’s closed,” she retorted, grunting but still diverting her gaze from him.
“Sure,” he chuckled, throwing the dirty shirt on his desk chair; he didn’t even care about the shirt, he just wanted to spend time alone with her. “Anyway, I need you to help me pick another one.”
“That’s why I am here?”
“Yeah, I told you, I don’t want to fuck you.”
“Stop it. I don’t want either,” she replied, biting her lower lip nervously and tapping her high heels against the floor.
Jeno studied her, another smirk curled his lips before he sighed. “Help me fix the mess you made so we can go to the party and have some fun.”
When they reached downstairs again, she had no idea how she was still standing on her feet, staying too close to him and helping him close the buttons of the new shirt he picked got in her brain. Jeno pointing out all her weird antics didn’t help her much at relaxing. And just when she thought she was free and could find a corner to dance alone and then run home and avoid him forever, she got dragged on the couches.
“We’re playing truth or dare,” Haechan chanted, making her sit next to him. “You can’t miss it.”
“Truth or dare? How old are we? Fifteen?” She asked, looking around at the others, hoping somebody was going to back her up.
“That’s why I never wanted to bring you along,” Jaemin booed, “because you’re boring.”
She wanted to talk back, but the hums of agreement of his friends made her shut her mouth and squeeze more in her place.
“We’re starting from the youngest,” Haechan said.
“Man, why always from me?” Jisung huffed, rolling his eyes, receiving a look from his friend. “Fine, truth.”
So they started playing, too many dumb dares and too spicy truths for her liking, but she tried to be likeable and don’t be a buzzkill.
“Truth,” she chose for the first round, fearing the question, already knowing it was going to be something embarrassing or something she couldn’t answer because it wasn’t like she had many adventures.
“Where was the wildest place you ever had sex?” Haechan asked, making her face heat up immediately.
“Dude, that’s disgusting, she’s my sister,” Jaemin whined, turning around and fake-gagging.
But she was standing still, wanting to die under the interrogating gazes of the others. “I… I only did it in a bed,” she confessed as her eyes skimmed all over the room to avoid the mocking smirks on the others’ faces.
“Wow, yeah, should’ve expected it from you,” he mocked, rolling his eyes and shaking his head.
She bit her lip, nervously playing with the hem of her dress, until her eyes met Jeno’s. He was staring at her but she couldn’t decipher what he was hiding under his gaze or if his lips were turned in a genuine smile or a mocking one. But it didn’t matter… well, it didn’t until she had the brilliant idea of picking dare.
“Guess what, we’re hoping you can spice up your life in one night,” Haechan joked. “You have to play seven minutes in heaven with Jeno,” he said, turning around and winking at his friends.
She expected Jeno to gag or complain about the pairing, but he didn’t. He looked at her, stood up and then reached his hand for her to grab. She hesitated, looking over at Jaemin for approval, but she gagged instead when she saw a girl all over him.
“Come on,” Jeno urged her, making her drift her gaze from her brother. “I’ve got a brand-new closet to try.”
The walk to his bedroom was silent as she felt panic run in her veins.
“You know that it doesn’t have to be sex, right? You can also just talk while playing seven minutes in heaven,” she mumbled when he opened the bedroom and started walking to the closet. “Or we could do nothing, that’s also valid, you –”
“Will you shut up for a second?” He asked, turning around, stopping in front of her, pushing her inside before closing the doors behind them. “Great, so much better for my ears,” he huffed. “And, to answer your annoying questions, no, there’s no fun in that.”
“We can’t do that in seven minutes,” she muttered. “Also you said you didn’t like me like that, you said that just before, you-” When he shushed her with a kiss she felt her knees buckle and her heart race and it felt like a fever dream.
“That’s something that shouldn’t happen in this game, you know? No kissing allowed.”
“No kisses but sex yes?”
He chuckled, making her walk back, sitting her on a small white desk next to the wall, dress lifting up, barely covering half of her thighs. “Weird, isn’t it?”
She hummed, breath shaking when his cold hands ran on her naked thigh. “Wait, I’ve never done this.”
“I thought you said you did it in a bed?”
“I – I did but it was ages ago and it was…” she stopped, embarrassed, “it was bad.”
“Oh, yeah, not surprised,” he replied. “Do you trust me?”
“I don’t know,” she whimpered when his fingers grazed her panties.
“I think your body trusts me,” he whispered against her neck when he moved the panties to the side and felt how wet she was. “Is this from before? Did seeing me half-naked got you like this?”
“N-no, why would it, mmh,” she stopped when his fingers started circling on her clit. “We shouldn’t – we shouldn’t –”
“Do this?” He asked, smirking and pushing a finger inside her, making her roll her head back against the wall. “I will make you come if that’s what you’re worried about. I’m not your ex-boyfriend.”
“Jeno –”
“Shh,” he shushed her, lips barely brushing against hers, “you don’t have to hold it back,” he whispered, starting to move his fingers inside her wet pussy. “I know you want this so badly. You’ve been dreaming about my fingers for so long,” he cooed, smirking when she lowered her head in embarrassment. “It’s alright, baby. A lot of people would want these fingers buried inside of them… and you are the lucky one tonight.”
“You won’t tell Jaemin, right?”
He snickered, “what happens here is a secret, honey. Just relax, stop being so serious, that’s why nobody can’t stand you. You think too much.”
She was about to open her mouth again and talk back but when his two fingers curled inside of her and hit the spot that made her tremble, she could only try to hold in the whimpers and let her head fall against his shoulder.
“There,” he hummed, “so much better.”
“Mhh,” she mumbled, her hand reached for his other arm and squeezed tight, trying to hold onto something, “feels good.”
“I know, baby, I know. He didn’t give it to you like this, right?” He teased, moving his hand to reach for her hair and force her head up so he could look at her face, eyelashes fluttering and lips parted to let out low moans. “What about this?” He asked, adding a third finger and starting to move his thumb on her clit, eliciting a choked sob to roll out of her mouth and to open her eyes fully. “You like this?” He asked, but he knew the answer, she was dripping over his hand and her hips were rolling against his thumb searching for more friction.
“Yeah,” she whispered, biting her lips, nails digging into his arm when he started to move faster into her, making her try to close her legs, embarrassed by the lewd sounds of her wetness, but Jeno only smirked and forced her legs parted.
“No, pretty,” he whispered, “want to see you.”
“I think I… I’m close,” she confessed, feeling her body burn up and a new weird sensation build up in her stomach.
“You think?” He asked, tapping her cheek so she would open her eyes. “Oh… he never made you come?”
She nodded, diverting her gaze again, feeling the sensation intensify with every thrust of his fingers. “Mhh, it’s too much, feels – feels too good,” she whimpered, hips grinding against him, and lower lip bleeding for how hard she was biting on it. But Jeno couldn’t care, he knew she could take it, she simply wasn’t used to it, but he was going to make her get used to it. This was just a preview of everything he could give to her, a small window on the world he could show her.
“Come,” he ordered, “I don’t think we have much time. And you don’t want Haechan to hear you moan like a whimpering mess, right?”
She shook her head before throwing it back, feeling a new sensation rush over her, her stomach tightened and her toes curled in her shoes while her hips bucked up against him.
“No more, no more,” she whimpered, trying to push him away.
“Shh, it’s alright, baby, it’s alright,” he shushed her, thumb grazing her cheek. She blinked, trying to shake the dizziness out of her brain, eyes falling on his lips, wishing she could taste them again because the kiss of before was so unexpected that her brain didn’t even have time to register it.
And Jeno knew it, but he needed her to crawl back to him, he couldn’t give her everything just yet. He needed time, precious time, filled with tests and games that she needed to pass and then maybe she would’ve gotten to him. He couldn’t even care about that stupid bet anymore, if the time was ticking and he needed to get with her in two months, he wanted to have her in the palm of his hands and play with her like a puppet.
“I told you I could make you feel good like nobody else ever did,” he said, winking, pulling away, leaving her sitting on the desk, slowly realizing what just happened. “Like nobody else ever will,” he whispered, turning around, waiting for Haechan to call them down again.
She shouldn’t have felt special. She shouldn’t have felt the butterflies fly in her stomach just because Jeno touched her for a stupid game. Yet, she did. Jeno was the only thing that filled her thoughts for the passing weeks. When she was trying to work. When she watched a movie. And when her hands shily moved on her body, desperately trying to replicate the feeling his fingers made her feel.
But nothing came close to him. She needed him, every day a little bit more than the day before. But the more she craved him, the more he seemed ephemeral. She couldn’t reach him, she didn’t have his number, and she never dared to sneak into her brother’s phone to steal it. She already looked pathetic in his eyes, so she needed to win him in another way. She needed to appear charming in his eyes and make him fall for her for real. But she didn’t know what he liked, or well, the only thing she knew he liked for sure wasn’t going to make him fall for her. But it was something. And something was better than nothing.
“Yeah, alright, I’ll wait here.” As soon as those words slipped out of Jeno’s mouth and Jaemin closed the main door behind him, she took the last steps on the stairs to reach him, running to the couch, waiting for him.
“What are you doing here?” He asked when, coming back to his seat, he saw her sit there.
“Because it’s my home?” She replied, playing dumb. “I thought both of you left.”
“But I’m right here, so…”
“Wanna watch a movie with me?” She asked, ignoring the way he was, not so subtly, trying to make her leave.
He snorted, “why would I want to watch a movie with you?”
“Because I’m bored.”
“You are bored, not me,” he huffed, sitting down. “Also, Jaemin will be back soon, we don’t have time for a movie.”
She shifted, sitting on her knees and placing her hands on his shoulder, “Then can we do something else?”
He looked at her up and down, trying to study her expression, “Like?”
“Promise you won’t tell anybody?”
“What are you on?”
“I know we said we weren’t going to talk about that night,” she started and Jeno stopped her immediately. “Exactly, so why are you bringing it up?”
“Let me finish, please,” she begged, and Jeno nodded, curios to know where she wanted to go. “It was… good. I mean, you are good so, I was thinking that maybe we could…”
“You want to be my sex buddy?” He finished for her, a mocking smile on his face.
“I want you to teach me,” she confessed, feeling shame take over.
Jeno raised a brow, tilting his head, “you want sex lessons from me?”
She nodded, lip trapped in her teeth.
“What makes you think I want to spend time with you? Especially like that.”
She stammered, not knowing what to answer and he rolled his eyes.
“Okay, fine, since you want my attention so bad, let’s try this,” he said, turning around, face so much closer to hers now. “You have to prove to me that it won’t be a total loss of time.”
“H-how?”
He smirked, moving a strand of hair out of her face, “I gave you something the other week, didn’t I?” She hummed. “Give it back to me.”
“I told you I don’t know how to do it, it’s not fair.”
“Alright, consider this the first trial lesson. If you’re not a total failure, which I doubt, I’ll give you what you want.”
Her eyes moved around the room, suddenly realizing how dumb everything was. That was a bad idea. That was the lowest point she could reach just to have him somehow.
“You know what, I… I think I don’t need those lessons,” she said, jumping off the couch but she had no time to walk around it that Jeno was already in front of her, stopping her in her tracks.
“I know you don’t really want these lessons,” he said, pushing her back against the couch. “All you want is my attention, isn’t it? You got a taste,” he whispered, lips almost touching hers, making her lean closer, only making him smirk, “and you can’t get enough.”
She wanted to deny it but there was no point anyway. It was written all over her face. It was in the way her thighs were squeezed together. It was in the way she had never worn clothes this revealing before around him.
“Am I right?” He asked again because he wanted to hear those words slip out of her mouth, he wanted her to admit how obsessed she was with him.
“Yes, I can’t get enough.”
He smirked before moving his hand down on her neck, thumb caressing her jaw, “So… do you want to have a bigger taste?”
She nodded and then dropped to her knees when he pushed her down. Hesitant, shaky hands moved to unbuckle his belt and push his jeans and underwear down, exposing his already half-hard cock.
“Can you get me hard?” He asked, already knowing that it was a matter of seconds with the way she was looking up at him.
No words slipped out of her mouth, she only nodded and then started pumping his dick, but his stern gaze made her lower her face.
“God, I really have to teach you,” he complained, rolling his head back and sighing loudly. “Open your mouth, your hands are useless.”
“Good,” he moaned when she parted her lips and stuck her tongue out. “See, you know how to do it, you just don’t want me to think you do.”
She was about to retort when he pushed almost all the way down, making her gag around him. But the discomfort didn’t last long, it felt unexpectedly good. She liked the sensation of his length on her tongue, or how she could feel the slight throbs when she sucked harder. But what she liked the most was the way Jeno’s face was contorted in pleasure and how deep moans came out of his lips.
“Don’t give me those – fuck – innocent eyes. Where did you learn, uh? With porn – shit – or reading?” He asked when she opened her eyes and met his, making him lose his mind.
“No, don’t answer, I don’t care where you learned. I just – fuck – need you to keep doing that. Keep sucking,” he ordered, making a makeshift ponytail with her hair and guiding her on his length. “Can you take all of it?”
Her eyes snapped up, looking at him, silently telling him that she couldn’t.
“Oh, you can’t?” He snickered. “But I’m here to teach you. That’s what you wanted, right? For me – fuck – to teach you. Then learn,” he said, pushing deeper down, making her gag around it. “Relax your jaw and breathe through your nose,” he told her, slowing down, pushing out before sliding in again. “Good girl, just like that,” he praised, and her thighs clenched together at his words, feeling wetness pool in her panties. “You are good at this,” he smirked, eyes glistening as he watched her concentrated expression and the way her cheeks hollowed around his girth and her tongue twirled around his head when she reached the tip.
“Do you exercise with Jaemin’s other friends? Uhm? Or am I the only one?” He grinned when she shook her head, still not pulling away from him. “No? The only one? The only one you get on your knees for?”
She nodded again, stopping working on him to breathe again, “o-only you,” she said, glossy eyes looking up at him, drool dripping down her chin.
“Can you be a good girl and take more for me?” He asked, wiping the drool away, and lifting her chin up.
“More?” She asked, voice trembling.
He hummed, “Can you let me fuck that pretty little mouth of yours? You don’t have to do anything but keep your mouth open for me.”
“Yea-yeah, I can,” she replied, parting her lips again and giving him full access. A muffled moan rolled out of her lips as soon as his hold on her hair tightened and he started thrusting into her mouth fast.
“Fuck,” he moaned, throwing his head back, “you feel good. Are you sure this is – fuck – your first time?”
She tried to nod, hands wrapping around his thighs as she started gagging more around him. “What, baby? Want to breathe?” He cooed but without stopping. “Here. Take a deep breath, just like that,” he said when he pulled out of her, making her cough to catch her breath again.
“Oh, look at you, opening your mouth again,” he said, tugging her hair and pushing into her mouth again. “I thought you were going to start – fuck – crying. But no – shit – you love this, don’t you?” He teased, staring into her watery eyes, feeling his orgasm close already.
She nodded, squeezing her eyes when he hit deeper, gagging around his length.
“It’s alright, baby,” he moaned, “I’m close. Gonna fill your pretty mouth and you – fuck – you will take it all like a good girl, uh?”
She moaned around him, closing her eyes, trying to relax more as his thrusts got faster, closing her thighs together, skin burning up in shame as she felt her panties get wetter and stick to her skin.
“Fuck,” he groaned, gritting his teeth and coming into her mouth. “Swallow it. Everything,” he ordered, pushing lazily into her mouth, emptying himself before pulling out. “Everything,” he repeated, grabbing her chin, and making her look up at him, watching as she swallowed all of his cum. “Good girl,” he praised her, leaning in, making her believe he was going to kiss her but instead he licked a stripe of seed that dripped on her chin and smirked at her disappointed face.
“Get up, you don’t want your brother to find you on your knees in front of my cock, right?” He said, reaching out his hand, helping her stand up after he pulled his pants back up.
“Come here,” he whispered, cleaning her chin with a napkin and fixing her messy hair. “That’s better, isn’t it?” He asked and she hummed, diverting her gaze from his, nervously playing with her fingers and squeezing her thighs together, feeling her pussy throb for how turned on she was. And Jeno knew it, but she needed to be patient. Time. He needed to take time.
“What’s with that face? You wanted the whole thing, didn’t you? You have to earn it.”
After that, other weeks of silence passed. Jeno only said hi when he passed over and nothing else. And she started to realize that she was being played, or better, that she was playing right into his fantasy, so she needed to get him out of his mind.
But it wasn’t like she had any idea of how to stop thinking about him. She had tried for more than 10 years to stop her heart from beating so fast every time she saw his face, or don’t stutter every time he addressed her. And she never succeeded. So how could she do it now? Now that she got so much more than a taste, now that she knew what his lips tasted like, now that she knew what his fingers felt like, now that she could scent his perfume every time she closed her eyes.
And, worst of it all, it felt like Jeno knew when she would start to get tired of playing this game of push and pull and always came back to her, every time giving her a bit more, and yet, a bit less.
And then one day everything changed.
“Hey! You’re soaked.” His voice rang in the late afternoon in the middle of the street. It was raining and she forgot to bring an umbrella with her, also, she couldn’t call anybody because her parents and Jaemin were out of town.
“Yeah, I can see it,” she whispered, keeping on walking, not wanting to turn around and fall on her knees more.
“Stop walking and get in, you’re gonna get sick,” he screamed, driving behind her slowly.
“As if you care,” she mumbled, trying to shield her body from the cold, cringing at the way the raindrops fell inside her clothes and wet her skin.
“I do care,” he whispered, grabbing her arm, and turning her around, chest to chest, rain wetting them both. “And now get in.”
“I don’t need you to come and save me –”
“I said, get in,” he ordered, sharp eyes looking into hers, not giving her a chance to talk back or disagree. So she lowered her head and walked to the passenger seat without saying a word.
“You can’t live without me,” he whispered when they were both in the car and started driving again in the chaos of Seoul’s streets.
“You’re so full of yourself,” she huffed, crossing her leg on top of the other and turning her body toward the window, watching as the drops ran on the glass and the lights outside appeared blurred.
“You are mad at me because I didn’t reach for you this week,” he said, tapping his fingers on the wheel, and it took a lot for her to don’t turn around and stare at them and imagine once again how they ran on her body and made her shiver. “Tell me I am wrong, come on.”
She pressed her lips in a thin line, and then brushed her hair behind, “No, you are not wrong.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, making her turn around in surprise, eyes focusing on his face, studying his profile, wondering why he apologized. “I didn’t want to leave you hanging for so long, I’ve been busy.”
She hummed, looking in front of them this time, and squeezing in the passenger seat. Not replying because it didn’t matter anyway. He had been clear, she meant nothing to him, so what was the point of building up castles that were going to fall?
“Why are you not taking me home?” she asked when she realized he was driving in another direction.
“I know nobody’s home, don’t want to leave you alone,” he explained, coming to a stop at a streetlight, facing her and smiling… his sweet smile? The kind of smile he never, ever directed at her?
“I’m an adult, I can stay home alone,” she replied anyway. She needed to push him away, she couldn’t keep falling for his game, no matter how sweet he appeared to be. It probably was fake, just so he could brag with Jaemin about how much of a gentleman he was and didn’t let his little sister all alone in the middle of a storm.
“You wanted my company so badly the other day, why is it different now?” He grinned, before moving his hand on the shift to start the car again and sprint toward his place.
“We won’t fuck tonight.”
“Never said we had to,” he replied.
“Then why do you want me at your place?”
He shrugged, pulling into his driveway. “Are you sure you’re the only one that can’t live without the other?”
She stood there, frozen on the spot, brain struggling to register his words and to comprehend if what she understood was what he meant. He liked her too? He wanted to spend time with her?
“Wait,” she said, opening the door and running outside. Trying to don’t get wetter under the rain, reaching him under the porch while he struggled with the keys to open the do. “You find me annoying, you said you don’t want to spend time with me, you avoided me for so long, why do you do this?”
Jeno sighed, throwing his jacket somewhere and getting out of his shoes as soon as they stepped in. “Undress.”
“What! You said we weren’t going to have sex.”
“It’s to give you new clothes, dummy,” he replied, rolling his eyes. “Follow me,” he said, walking to his room, a path she knew too well by now, and yet her breathe faltered just like the first time she found herself there. And it didn’t matter that nothing was going to happen, it was the thrill of being so intimate with him somehow.
“You didn’t answer,” she complained while he looked for something to give her in his closet. He turned around, a white shirt in hand, giving it to her that was now only covered with her panties and bra.
“I find you annoying but maybe I like it,” he replied. “You look interesting under the surface.”
She didn’t want to smile so big but her lips moved automatically, a dumb smile creeping on her face, eyes glistening.
“Calm, now,” he warned as soon as he saw her reaction. “This doesn’t mean we are dating, but I wouldn’t mind spending time with you. And now get dressed, before I don’t keep up with the promise of before.”
The heat of the house made them find comfort from the cold outside while they eat something while the television was turned on mostly to fill the silence between them.
“Don’t you think it’s weird?” She asked while cleaning her lips from the soy sauce that dripped on her mouth.
“What?”
“Everything,” she said. “We’ve known each other for so long but… we don’t really know anything about us.”
“You don’t?” He quirked a brow, licking his lips before placing down the empty bowl. “You think Jaemin didn’t tell me about all the questions you used to ask?”
Her cheeks heated up, cursing lowly at her brother for not being able to keep a secret. “Okay, fine, but he’s not you. I don’t know it from you.”
“Maybe you should tell me something about you. I think I can read you easily but not enough to get somewhere,” he said. “And you want to get somewhere, right?”
She hummed and then took a deep breath before opening up. Talking over and over again, letting him know even the most irrelevant things about her. Letting him go deeper than anybody else, not even caring if something was embarrassing. She trusted him.
And Jeno listened, finding out that yes, she was a lot, but maybe it wasn’t so annoying. And the more he knew about her, the better.
And then he started speaking. But his words were calculated, just like the stories he was telling. He knew what he was saying, he knew what he was doing. He was giving her a piece of himself without actually giving her anything. Without letting her slip deep under his skin. Yet for her it was enough, no, for her it was everything. She had never seen him so open, had never seen his body so relaxed beside hers, no walls were diving them right there. And that, mixed with all the sweet tempting words from before, made her fall into a vortex from which she would never get out.
Jeno had trapped her in his golden cage, but she did not know it yet, and probably, she would’ve never realized that.
“Why are you so happy?” Jaemin asked his sister, staring at her with a disgusted expression on his face. She had been hopping instead of walking for days, always had a smile on her face, and strangely she wasn’t clingy, always locked in her room, only God knows doing what.
“Why do you care? Shouldn’t you be happy that your sister’s happy?” She asked back, pouting before grabbing something to eat and running upstairs again, hiding from her brother’s questions.
Jeno had kissed her.
After talking for hours, after being so close and at the same time so far away, Jeno leaned close to her and kissed her. This time for real. A slow, sweet kiss. A kiss that she had well imprinted in her mind.
But not only that. His hands had touched her skin, trembling, and full of shivers. His long, slender fingers had trailed over her thighs, and then over her hip and held her close to him. And if she closed her eyes she could still relive all those emotions, from his scent to his eyes that had never been so real and close to her before.
Also, they had slept together. She, Jaemin’s delusional sister who had fantasized so much and for so long about ending up in his arms, had slept in Jeno’s bed.
And not like the other girls he let pass in his bed before, asleep in a tangle of sheets and sweat and cum. No, they slept in fresh, clean sheets, with his arms around her waist and his breath hitting the back of her neck. And although in the morning when she had woken up, he was not there, that was enough.
Because Jeno was in the kitchen preparing breakfast and bidding her good morning with a smile on his face that tasted like something new, something genuine. Big brown eyes creasing up in half-moons and cheeks lifting up.
Though… there was a but.
‘You can’t tell anyone about this.’ He had told her as he drove her home, serious gaze facing the road, one hand gripping the steering wheel and the other caressing her thigh. ‘It’s our little secret. You know how to keep secrets, don’t you?’
And she nodded, confident that she could do it. That if she had kept her crush on him a secret for so long, she surely could keep their ... relationship a secret? Or friendship? Or friends with benefits? She had no idea, she didn’t know what bound them together, she didn’t even know if there was actually anything that tied them together. But it didn’t matter, if it wasn’t now, it would be in a few months. It was only a matter of time. Jeno wanted to get to know her, Jeno wanted her to be a part of his life as much as she wished he was a part of hers.
‘hey, it’s me. are you free this friday?’
She blinked twice, shifting her attention from her pc to the phone beside it, trying to understand why an unknown number was texting her until she opened the message and ‘– jeno’ appeared at the end.
‘how did you get my number?’
‘i have my ways 😉 anyway, for friday? i need to buy some things for my place, it’s too empty, thought you could help’
She breathed deeply, looking around only to waste time and not answer right away just to don’t look desperate. As if she didn’t already answer ‘yes’ in her mind even before she knew what they were going to do, as if she wouldn’t have always been available for him.
‘yep, fine by me. where do we meet?’ She replied after a few minutes, hands sweating and heart throbbing harder in her ribcage.
‘my place, i’ll drive.’
And that wasn’t a date, surely not a date like she always imagined but it was something. It was nice not hearing him huff annoyed at her every word, or seeing that he didn’t move away from her with a disgusted face when their hands brushed together casually. He even laughed at her unfunny jokes.
“Our parents were never home,” she said. After buying everything, he offered to buy her a milkshake in a small coffee shop at the mall, so now they were sitting at a table in front of each other. “I mean, even when they were, they never paid much attention to us.”
“That’s why I was always there,” Jeno chuckled. “Your mother couldn’t see the mess me and Nana made.”
She smiled, lifting her gaze on him, but still stirring the liquid in her glass. “I wanted to move out of there so many times, but my job barely makes me afford my car bills and the few hobbies I have. How did you do it?”
“Well, it’s not fair when your dad pays half of it, right?”
“Your parents are cool. I remember when they used to bring you and Jaem to the amusement park. I never went there.”
“Never? Not even once?” He asked, surprised.
“Nope,” she confessed, biting her lower lip, already embarrassed at what she was about to say. “I always wanted to win a bunny from the water gun game,” she confessed. “You won it to Jaemin once. I was so jealous of that plushie.”
He smiled. “Well, I might win one just for you.”
Her eyes lit up, locking into his, heart doing cart-wheels in her chest. “You would?”
He hummed, hand under his chin, rubbing it lightly, “Why not? Next Saturday? How’s that sound?”
“It sounds amazing,” she squealed. “I love you so much.”
He smiled, looking at her, feeling a bit of warmth spread in his chest. Maybe she was nice. Maybe betting on her wasn’t the right way to start this.
When Saturday night arrived, she was vibrating with excitement. Wearing a red top, a leather black jacket and black shorts, she grabbed her small bag and rushed outside, swiftly warning her parents and Jaemin that she was going out with her friend and she wasn’t sure she was coming back. Receiving no answer.
But she didn’t care, she couldn’t care if at home nobody paid her attention. She had a date with Lee Jeno. Jeno was taking her to an amusement park for the first time and he would’ve even tried to win her a big, soft bunny she desired so much. So not even the bus ride – that she usually hated – to his place bothered her at all.
“Hi,” she greeted shily when she walked into the driveway and saw him leaning against his car. Black jeans wrapping around his legs, black shirt covering his chest and red jacket shielding him from the light breeze of the night.
“Hi, bunny. We’re matching,” he pointed out, dragging his eyes on her body and then smiling when their eyes met.
“Yeah, we didn’t even plan it,” she replied, a shy smile widening her lips as she opened the car door and stepped inside.
The car ride felt different from the others. The atmosphere was light while music played on the radio and they hummed along. There were no side-eyeing or annoyed sighs coming out of his lips like it used to happen when he was forced to bring her along because they couldn’t leave Jaemin’s sister alone. Now, Jeno glimpsed at her, diverting his attention from the street, with his lips curling in a warm smile.
And even the whole date at the amusement park was different from all the other times they hung out together.
It was like being around a different Jeno. He was carefree, laughing at her bad puns. He was kind, always paying for the rides tickets, drinks and food or wrapping a hand around her shoulders when they tried scarier attractions and she was afraid. And he looked beautiful, more than usual. There was something magnetic in the way his black hair framed his face, and his lips curled in soft smiles, making his eyes crinkle up too. He radiated a new sense of safeness. And she knew for sure that she was falling deeper.
“Now that we tried everything there’s only one thing missing,” Jeno said, dragging her toward the biggest attraction.
“The Ferris wheel?” she asked, tilting her head to look at him, fighting back the urge to intertwine their hands together. Jeno had been rather touchy the whole night, but she didn’t want to cross lines and ruin the amazing night they had.
“Yeah, are you scared?” He asked, waiting in line. “You have me by your side,” he said and then leaned in, whispering next to her ear, “and when you’re with me, you have nothing to worry about.”
She hummed, torturing her lower lip and shifting closer to him, and, unexpectedly, he wrapped his arm around her waist, and she had no idea how her knees didn’t fail her and make her fall to the ground. She didn’t even know how she didn’t pass out for the whole queue since his fingers kept caressing her skin.
“We should be able to see the whole city when we get up there,” Jeno commented, looking around waiting for the wheel to start moving now that they were inside of a cabin, sitting next to each other.
“Yeah, I guess,” she hummed, legs buckling in nervousness, and squeezing in her arms to avoid attaching to him like a koala on a tree.
Jeno picked it up quickly and turned to her with a furrow. “Are you afraid of heights for real?”
“M-me?” She giggled awkwardly. “No, haha.”
“You are shaking like a leaf,” he pointed out, hand resting on her thigh to stop – at least – one of her legs from shaking.
“I’m fine,” she replied, taking a deep breath, trying to focus on anything but the way the ride was moving and how – in fact – Seoul was shining beneath them. “What was that?” She asked, panicking when they felt a jolt and the cabin stopped at the higher spot.
“I think it stopped,” Jeno replied. “A planned stop… I guess.”
“Planned? Or maybe the wheel broke, and we will fall, no, no, we will crash on the ground and you know there are no chances of surviving and this will be how we die? What will we tell my family, they don’t know about us, they think –”
He kissed her, hands cupping her cheeks and pushing her close, air cutting short in her lungs not from fear but the chills that he was making run down her spine. “It’s alright,” he whispered, slightly pulling away. “I told you, you have me.”
She looked at him not totally convinced because if the cabin fell, having him by her side wasn’t going to save her. Surely, it would’ve made her death sweeter, oddly, and tragically romantic but it was still death.
“I’m sure it’s just to show the view,” he explained, kissing her again, and again, and then his lips moved down, kissing away the chills on her exposed neck. “But since you don’t like the view…” he whispered, cupping her right boob, squeezing just enough to make her roll her head back. “I can give you something to keep you distracted. What do you think?”
“Yeah,” she moaned, “I’d like that.” She unconsciously parted her legs, not a single cross about being in public crossing her mind.
“Great,” he smiled, biting the skin of her collarbone, “feared you were going to turn down the offer.” His hands slipped down, cupping her mound and he grinned when her hips started grinding against his palm. “Oh, oh, keep doing it, keep grinding on me. It feels good, doesn’t it? The seam of the jeans pressed against your clit by my hand makes you go crazy, isn’t that right?”
“Yeah,” she breathed out, opening her eyes to look into his.
“You know, I thought you should’ve worn a skirt for practical reasons but this – shit,” he whispered when her moans got lower and deeper, “this is even better.”
“I need you,” she whimpered, hands moving to try to touch him.
“I know you do,” he cooed, “you’ve tried so hard to hold back all this time, the whole night trying to keep your hands to yourself because you just can’t help yourself, can you? Want to feel me,” he said, pressing harder against her covered pussy as she kept grinding against him, “no, no you need to feel me.”
“Yes, please,” she whimpered, leaning closer to him, making their lips meet again in small kisses.
“Can you do something for me?” She stopped moving for a second, confused by his request, but nodded. “Come in your panties like this,” he started explaining, tapping her hips to make her start moving again, “and then I’ll give you what you want.”
And she did, even if it felt humiliating to come like that, grinding against his palm as if she was desperate, making a mess in her already drenched panties and barely holding back the moans. But it was all worth it when he smiled against her lips and whispered, “good girl, you are my good girl. Learning so fast, aren’t you? Making me so proud of you.”
“Come here,” Jeno said, unbuttoning his jeans and freeing his cock. “Take your shorts and panties off.”
“He-here?” She mumbled, panic running behind her open eyes. The cabin next to theirs couldn’t see them, the black windows shielding each crib hid them well, but it was such an exposed place anyway.
“You heard me. Want to make you try something new. Come on, take them off and sit on my lap,” he ordered and she followed his instruction, trying to hide the stained black panties in her shorts as if he couldn’t feel the mess of her cunt as soon as she sat on his lap.
“You’re going to ride me, but I won’t get inside you.” Her face dropped, a bit because she couldn’t get how and because she just wanted to get there and finally have him, completely. But Jeno wanted to take it slow, he wanted to make her dance in the palm of his hand more, twirling around, following every single one of his words so well that he fell more and more every day.
“Spit on your hand,” he ordered. “Like that, and now wrap it around my cock. You want it to slide perfectly between your lips, right?” Not that it was needed since her wetness was already making his cock slip against her so easily, but he loved seeing how much she obeyed him with no hesitation. He loved seeing that she would’ve done anything for him.
She nodded, doing as he told, eyes glistening because he was already so hard and it was all because of her, for her.
“Don’t,” he stopped her when he could feel her trying to tease his cockhead against her entrance, “no fucking, remember?”
“But why?” She huffed, pouting.
“I want to save it for a special occasion for my special girl,” he replied before placing his hands on her naked waist and guiding her hips on top of him. “Just grind on me, remember before? Like you did with my hand?” She nodded, hand wrapping around his neck and forehead falling against his. “Do it with my cock, just like that,” he praised, kissing her gently. “Feel how good it is? It’s big isn’t it?”
“Yeah, so big.”
“Imagine it inside of you, stretching so much more than my fingers. Remember my fingers? How you dripped all over them and came so easily?” She hummed, hips bucking in shame and legs shaking at the idea of feeling him inside. “No, it’s alright. I know you remember them. I bet you spend your nights using yours, imagining it was me. Your little fingers – fuck – making their way into your dripping cunt, fucking yourself hard and yet…” he moaned, throwing his head back, “nothing can come close to me.”
“No – no. It doesn’t – mmph – feel just as good.”
“I know. But you need time, bunny. I can’t fuck you like this, in public, on a Ferris wheel. Not for our first time. Not when I’d leave you trembling and panting even more and you would have no strength to stand on your knees.”
She trembled in anticipation, pressing further down, making him groan.
“Fuck, you’re so good,” he said. “Need to feel you more. Lift your hips more.”
“Li-like this?” She asked, whining when she had to pull away from him to give him space to grab his cock and start to rub it up and down her wet pussy. “Oh, this is, mmh, this is weird,” she mumbled, voice breaking a bit more every time that his tip pressed over her opening but never pushed in.
“But it feels good, right? We need to come fast; it will start moving soon again, remember? You don’t want the operator to find you like this, right?”
“No, no, I – that’s humiliating.”
“I know, baby. I would never make someone humiliate you. So I need you to stay like this, don’t try to slide down on me and let me rub my cock against your pretty pussy, okay?”
“Ye – yes,” she moaned.
Jeno moaned, rolling his head back, when he started to rub his head faster against her dripping cunt and clit, the cabin filling with wet sounds and moans they couldn’t hold back anymore, not even caring if there was somebody next to them.
“It’s good,” she whimpered, nails digging behind him, ripping the leather protection of the seats. “I’m – I’m close,” she breathed out, voice pitched and pussy clenching around nothing when another jolt shook the wheel and it started moving again.
“Me too, bunny. Can you come with me?”
“Yes, yes, please, faster,” she moaned, throwing her head back when he started doing that. Jeno had no idea how he was fighting back the urge to just penetrate her right there and then with no warning, slipping past her warm walls and filling her up, fucking her hard until she was nothing but a mess. And that thought made him grit his teeth and kiss her, cum spilling all over her cunt, triggering her orgasm too at the sensation of the warm liquid making a mess on her. She had never done that with her ex-boyfriend. And this orgasm was stronger than the rest, it left her shaking, whimpering, and panting in shame, in pleasure, in whatever drug Jeno was making her take every day that passed. It was becoming more and more of an addiction, yet, she didn’t seem to get enough.
“Fuck,” he moaned, laughing lowly, trying to catch his breath. “That was intense,” he said, smiling at her, “grab your clothes and put them on if you don’t want the whole park to see you like this, though,” he teased, handing her the discarded panties and shorts. “It would be a beautiful view,” he said, watching as she tried to stand on her wobbly legs and get back into her clothes, “but I’m pretty jealous of it.”
And another flush of heat rushed up her body, forcing her to lower her head.
When the attraction came to a stop they barely looked decent, but they couldn’t care.
“Are – are you still trying to win the bunny for me?” she asked, head lowered as the realization of what just happened hit her, and it was clear as the sky how experienced and used to this he was by how he was walking as if nothing happened, as if he didn’t just come all of her pussy and then made her push her clothes back on, walking around in that mess. And the worst of it all was that she liked it, she liked that he left a mark on her somehow, that something of him was still on her skin.
Jeno chuckled, almost as if he knew exactly what was running in her mind, finding it appealing how she would let go for a second just to go back to her usual serious and shy self in the blink of an eye. “We came here for that, right?”
He had promised her. And he kept his promises. Just like he kept his bets. But the more he looked at her, the more time he spent with her, the more he couldn’t see a clear line between the bet and reality. He knew he liked the thrill, he knew he liked the desperation, but he wondered if maybe, just maybe, he was starting to like her.
Because when they reached the stuffed toys booth, it didn’t bother him that he had to pay to try to hit the target to win her that toy. He didn’t even find her supportive cheers annoying. He didn’t even mind that she kissed him as soon as – with a clear shot – he hit the target and made it fall after ten seconds of the game, winning her that so-awaited white bunny with big eyes and pink ears.
“You’re so good at this,” she exclaimed, clapping her hands and jumping on the spot, waiting for the operator to hand him the toy.
“I had the greatest support ever,” he smiled, handing her the plushie, smiling as she brought it close to her chest and hugged it tightly. A dream of a child coming reality after so many years.
“Do you like it?” He asked even if he knew the answer.
“I love it,” she replied. “Thank you for winning it for me and thank you for bringing me here,” she whispered.
“No worries, I had fun,” he replied, reaching for her hand. “Should we head home? My place? How’s that sound?”
“Amazing,” she replied, smiling from ear to ear, intertwining their hands, and walking to the car.
She was still smiling, hiding her face behind the plushie for happiness and shame as she felt his cum drip slowly out of her.
And Jeno was smiling too, thinking that if she finally had gotten his bunny, he had gotten his, too.
“He’s your bunny,” he whispered close to her, “but you are mine.”
“Your fridge is always empty,” she huffed, closing the grey door and huffing at her boyfriend that was sitting on a chair, scrolling through his phone. “How do you survive like this? How do you survive without me doing everything for you?” She asked, crossing her arms on her chest and glaring at him.
Jeno chuckled, placing the phone down and standing up, reaching her, wrapping his arms around her. “I know, bunny. I’m sorry. I promise next time I’ll make you find the fridge full.”
She rolled her eyes, and pushed him away, “you know it’s a lie. You say it every time and then we would always starve if it was for you.”
“Oh, come here,” he pouted, grabbing her wrist and pulling her against his chest again. “That’s better,” he smiled, snuggling their noses together, making her laugh. “See, you can’t be mad at me.”
“No, I can’t.”
She really couldn’t. Especially now that they were dating for almost a month. Even if she knew so many flaws he had, she grew to love them all. She couldn’t even hate how it had to be a secret because she still had him and that was all that mattered. Actually, she enjoyed that it was a secret.
After a few weeks of sneaking around with Jeno going to her place to see his brother and having to sneak in her room or in the bathroom for a few kisses and heated make-out sessions, this was so much better. She spent most of the time at his place, telling her family she was at her friend’s house or at the library, it wasn’t like they cared anyway. And Jeno never made Jaemin come over when his sister was at home. So everything was working out smoothly.
This was great. It was the illusion of living together, but she hoped that soon it would’ve turned into something real. Their story was getting rather serious, in a way she never expected.
She brought some of her things to his place so she had no problems when she stayed over. They did many things together like grocery or buying things when something broke. Jeno always found time to have at least a Saturday or Sunday evening for them to go out to restaurants, and when he couldn’t, they usually went to other types of dates in the afternoon. They even bought a matching bracelet – that Jaemin didn’t notice because he paid her even less attention now.
“You’re not picking a movie, anymore,” Jeno said, chuckling, stealing the remote from her hands and making her whine.
“Oh, please,” she huffed, “for one bad movie.”
“One is enough,” he replied, leaving a peck on her forehead, making her squirm and snuggle close to him on the couch.
But even after he picked one, they didn’t pay the movie much attention because they were too busy kissing each other. She sat on his lap, fingers in his hair while his hands cupped her ass and pushed her closer to his body. And this happened almost every time, they just couldn’t keep their hands off each other, but they never did more than that. Jeno wanted to wait for a special occasion.
And that occasion arrived. One night, Jeno brought her to a restaurant out of town; a fancy place she had never been to before.
“You picked such a beautiful place,” she said while they waited for the second course, and she looked around still amazed. That wasn’t the kind of place she used to go, and they never even went together to a similar restaurant. Experimental cuisine, beautiful, elegant design, and classical music playing in the background.
“I’d do this and more for you,” he replied, caressing her hand on the table. “And, talking about doing things together. My parents have a house out of town and they don’t use it, thought we could go there together.”
“You mean just us or with your group of friends?”
“Just us. So we can spend some time alone, no need to worry about your brother, about anything.”
She hummed, “Yeah, I’d love to.”
“Great, you can come up with a lie, right?”
“Of course, I can,” she replied. “But, can I ask why Jaemin doesn’t have to know about us?”
“You know him, he would ever let me close to you,” he replied, shrugging.
“But you’re his dearest friend. You are like a brother to him. I think he trusts you.”
“It’s not about trust,” he said. “It’s weird. And yeah... he knows too much about me to don’t want me near you.”
“Like? Are you trying to scare me away on our date?”
“No, no,” he stopped her right away. “But I’ve been a player most of my life, and as much as he can't stand you he wouldn’t want me to break your heart.”
“So... as long as he doesn’t know you can break it?”
“As long as he doesn’t know I can love you without him reminding me of my past,” he explained. “Hey, I love you. More than I ever loved anybody else, so can you please don’t let my past define me?”
She gulped, looking into his eyes and finding the truth. “Yeah, sorry, I’m just a little paranoid because... because nobody ever went this far with me.”
“I know,” he replied, smiling, “that’s why I wanted to take it slow, that’s why I don’t want to rush us.”
“Can we go back to your place?” She asked once they were in the car, the rest of the night proceeded smoothly as their conversation never drifted to her family again and they left the past right where it was. “I don’t want to go home.”
“I wasn’t planning on making you go home anyway,” he said, smirking. “I have a small surprise at home.”
“A surprise? Is that another bunny?”
“Better.”
But when they arrived home there was nothing, not physical, at least, and she looked at him with a furrow. “There’s nothing here.”
“Mhh, it’s something you had next to you all night,” he sang, walking close to her, wrapping his hands around her waist and moving her hair to the side, leaving a trail of kisses on her neck.
She chuckled, “is it you?”
He hummed, making her twirl in his hold. “Do you want me, bunny?”
“Don’t I have you already?”
“Yeah, but I think you still want more, don’t you?” He asked lifting her up in his arms, waiting for her to wrap her legs around his waist and start to walk upstairs. “I can’t take your disappointed face every time we don’t go all the way.”
“You make me sound desperate,” she chuckled, hiding her face in the crook of his neck.
“Because you are,” he replied, opening his bedroom door and laying her on the bed. And he was right because she didn’t waste time kissing him and moving her hands on his body to free him of his clothes.
“Gonna make you feel good,” he whispered once they were naked, lips closing around her nipple, sucking and twisting, making her push her body closer to his. “So good, bunny. Like nobody else ever made you feel.” His mouth moved down, tracing kisses all over her abdomen and then over her mound before lapping at her clit, making her whimper and squirm under his kisses and licks.
“No, shh, don’t move,” he whispered, pulling away from her slit. “Let me take care of you, bunny. I know he never did. But I’m not him, I’m not like anybody else.” His lips started moving on her again, sucking on her clit hard and then teasing her entrance, tasting her, feeling lightweight as his hands kept her legs spread open, fingers digging in the soft flesh of her thighs.
“Uh,” she cried, head thrown back, eyes squeezed closed and lips gasping for air. “It’s – it’s so good.”
He smirked against her skin, chin getting wetter with the slick that was streaming out of her as his tongue and lips moved faster on her, bringing her to the climax sooner than she wanted.
But even if she loved the feeling of his lips, she needed more.
“Jeno,” she mewled when he pulled away, licking his lips and cleaning his chin with the back of his hand. “Ne-need you,” she stuttered, looking into his eyes, filled with lust and need. “Please, need to feel you.”
Jeno kissed her, one hand at the side of her head keeping his body up and the other stroking his hard, thick cock.
“Gonna make you mine,” he groaned, aligning his length at her entrance and pushing into her, nails digging into his back as the never felt before stretch cut her breath.
“Fuck,” she cried, searching for his lips, chest panting as she tried to calm down, “you’re... you’re too big.”
“No, bunny,” he reassured, caressing her cheek, hips backing away before sinking in again, “you can take me. You can take everything I give to you.”
She nodded, legs falling limper as her body trembled in his hold.
“So good for me, bunny,” he praised, the veins of his neck popping out as he tried to hold in the moans.
“Want to – want to hear you,” she mumbled, cupping his face. “Please, want to know I’m – fuck – making you feel – aah – good.”
And Jeno let go, groans and low moans rolling out of his parted lips as he started thrusting into her faster, making her get even wetter as she felt him reach deeper inside of her.
“You make me feel so good, baby,” he hummed, throwing his head back when her walls clenched harder around him and he knew it was just a matter of minutes. He couldn’t hold it anymore. They were made for each other. Fitting so perfectly that he felt good like never before. Nobody could come close to this, to her.
“Fa-faster,” she barely breathed out, eyes half-lidded and lungs gasping for air.
“Faster?” He smirked, tilting his head, staring at her face, getting high in the way she was whimpering so nicely every time he pushed back and forth. “Can you take me, bunny?”
“Yes,” she screamed. “Need – need to feel you more.” She had no idea how it could’ve been possible, or exactly what more did she need from him. But she needed him. She needed him to get under her, and she needed to get under him. Tattooing each other under their skins.
And Jeno gave it to her. Going faster, pulling her legs closer to him, leaning down to cage her completely making her feel small and safe. He was always going to give her everything and more. Everything that would’ve been enough to never make her want to leave. Because she was his, and he was hers. And they belonged together.
“Je-Jeno,” she cried, feeling her stomach tighten up, silently warning him that she was close.
“I’m close, too,” he said through gritted teeth. “Your pussy’s so good, fuck. You are too good. Come for me, bunny. Come with me.”
And her body obeyed, squirming under him, hips bucking while her eyes rolled into the back of her head and another orgasm washed over.
“Yes, just like that,” Jeno groaned, watching her face contort and shooting his cum into her, hips slamming messily against her ass while his hand gripped her waist harder to keep her in place.
“Fuck,” he muttered, pulling out of her and rolling at her side. “So, was it worth the wait?”
She smiled, turning to him. “You are always worth the wait.”
Jeno was... caring. Too apprehensive at times. Not that she minded all the attention but she sometimes wondered if he did too much. He insisted on picking her up when she came out of work. He always dropped her by when she went out with her friends alone. He drove her everywhere, saying that it was safer because ‘you may never know who you meet on the metro or the bus.’
But the weird thing was that one minute he was all over her, never taking his eyes off of her even for a split second, and then he was nowhere to be found, or he even got mad at her, reminding her to don’t be too touchy because nobody had to know.
Just like right now. He invited her to Haechan’s party but didn’t spare her a single glance all night but she had no intention of rotting on a sofa seat just to get back home after wasting an entire evening.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Jeno snapped, glaring at Haechan pushing him off of her.
“Hey, man,” the brown-haired replied with a smug smirk on his face, “we were dancing. Had no idea you cared about her so much?” He grinned.
“Take that grin out of your face if you don’t want me to wipe it off with a punch,” he warned, glaring at him before grabbing her wrist and dragging her out of the living room, walking upstairs not even caring that she was hardly following his steps.
“Jeno wait!”
“Shut up!” He screamed, pushing her inside an empty room and locking it behind them with the key, stuffing it inside his pocket. “What the fuck were you thinking, uh?”
“W-what?” She asked, chest panting for running and because she didn’t expect him to react like that.
“Stop with that fucking act of the innocent girl,” he barked, cupping her cheek with a hand and pushing her close to the nearest wall, pressing her against it with his body. “I was right when I said you would’ve crawled to every single friend of your brother. You’re such a slut.”
“What? Don’t call me that! You know it’s not true,” she retorted, voice shaking with fear. She had never seen him like this and she couldn’t even get why he was so mad. She and Haechan were only dancing, and nobody could know that they were dating, so it wasn’t like she had a choice.
“Oh, it’s not true?” He cooed, squeezing her face tighter. “Then why were you grinding on him?"
“I - I wasn’t,” she whispered as tears started flowing on her face.
“Oh, nice,” he sighed, shaking his head, and letting go of her face, placing his hand beside her head against the wall, “now you’re going to cry. You were all over another man and you cry.”
“You know it’s only you. I’d never leave you,” she replied, lips quivering as she looked into his eyes and found them filled with darkness. “It was… it was the heat of the moment, he asked me to dance and you weren’t there and you said to keep our distances.”
“Yeah, but I think you need a reminder of who you belong to,” he said, flipping her over. "Need to put into your little dumb brain that I’m the only one.”
She nodded, shivering when his hands slipped under the dress, and she shouldn’t have felt so turned on because he was finally paying her attention, because he was showing he wanted her and nobody could come close to her. But she was. It was fucked up, and yet, her knees were buckling already under his touch.
“Need you to remember that even when I’m not by your side you’re mine and mine only. This body,” he said, running his hands on her thighs and waist and then squeezing her boobs, making her groan, “is mine. You are mine. Say it,” he ordered.
“I’m yours, always yours.”
“That’s better,” he replied, voice still stern, and hands slipping inside her laced panties. “Oh, wet already? You want me to be mean to you, don’t you?”
“No, I – I’m sorry.”
“I know you are,” he said, "but don’t lie to me. You’re either dripping because of him, which will make me very mad. Or...” He leaned closer, “you are a little slut that gets off to these things.”
She whimpered, feeling her knees buckle. “Don't call me like that.”
“No? You want me to call you bunny, right? Want to be my little bunny?”
She nodded, biting her lower lip when his fingers started moving on her clit.
“To be my bunny you have to be good. And right now, you’re not. Prove to me you can be my good little bunny and not some cheap slut that lets all her brother’s friends pass her around, okay?”
“Yeah, I will prove it to you,” she said, trying to turn around but Jeno grabbed her wrists and blocked them together behind her back.
“You’re not moving from here,” he ordered. “And be thankful I brought you here and not in the bathroom. Come here, on the desk,” he ordered, guiding her to walk over to the white desk at the side of the room.
“Is – is this his bedroom?” She asked, looking around, seeing it was too decorated to be a guest room.
“Yeah, is that a problem? Don’t you want to leave him a little gift of something he will never have?”
“Je – Jeno you don’t need to be jealous, I-”
“Shut up,” he groaned, ripping her panties and spreading her legs more. “You think you know him more than I do? You think I don’t know what he looks like when he wants to fuck someone?”
She rolled her head back when he slipped one finger into her. “I wouldn’t have – fuck – I wouldn’t have let him.”
Jeno snickered bitterly. “I’m not sure about it,” he replied, kissing her roughly and pushing another finger inside. “Your ass was pressing so much against his cock. Think I didn’t see it? Think I’m stupid? He was hard, wasn’t he? And you loved it,” he mocked, adding a third finger making her moan louder. “Because you love attention, you live for attention. You seek it. You crawled to me because you needed attention so how can I trust you? Tell me? How can I trust you with other men?”
“I – I would never cheat on you,” she replied, trying to steady her breath and keep up with him instead of getting lost in the way his fingers made her feel. “If I could – fuck – dance with you in public, I – I would, I would only – fuck – do it with you.”
“So you’re going to do it again just because I’m not by your side? Just because I don’t carry you around with a leash like a fucking dog?” He replied, stilling his fingers inside of her and tilting his head to the side.
“That’s not what I meant,” she replied, trying to close her legs but he stopped her in her tracks lifting a finger and pushing her hips down against the desk. “Jeno, please,” she begged. “I won’t go to parties anymore, okay? I can stay at home, I never liked them anyway.”
“And you think that’s enough?” He asked, picking up the movements inside her, making her breath shake and her nails dig in his arms.
“Then what more can I do for you?” She asked, tears flowing down her cheeks, feeling overwhelmed with emotions. Disappointing him was the last thing she wanted to do.
“Don’t fucking cry,” he growled, leaning closer to her but pulling his fingers out of her. “I hate it when you cry. I hate when you do dumb things first without thinking about the consequences and then do this, play the victim.”
“I just – I don’t want to upset you or hurt you. I don’t like fighting with you.”
“Then use your brain?” He said, tapping his fingers on her mouth and pushing them down her throat. “The only time you’re not supposed to think about a thing is when I’m fucking you, got it?”
She nodded, trying to kiss him back when he pulled his fingers out. “Can you forgive me? I’m sorry.”
“Maybe, I’ll forgive you if you don’t disappoint me another time,” he said, letting go of her face. “Are you going to be a good girl?”
“Yes, yes, I’ll be your good girl,” she replied, moving toward the edge of the desk to feel him more.
“Then bend over,” he ordered, waiting for her to follow his orders. “See, you can be good when you want to.”
She was about to reply but then pursed her lips together, not wanting to get him mad even more. If she liked it when he got rougher, she still didn’t want to fight or make him truly upset.
“This ass,” he said, hand slapping her ass cheek hard, making her jolt, “is mine. Got it?”
“Ye-yes.”
“This pussy,” another slap, but this time on her pussy, “is mine.”
“Yours.”
“And you,” another smack on her other ass cheek, “are mine.”
“Yours. I’m all yours,” she whimpered, feeling her skin burn.
“Now be a good girl,” he said, rubbing the skin of her ass, “and part your legs more.”
“I wanted to fuck your mouth but I need to feel you, need to fuck you hard and make you walk out of here with – fuck,” he groaned, pushing inside of her wet cunt, “make you walk out of here with shaky legs and my cum dripping out of you.”
Her nails scraped against the hard wood under her, head rolling back at the stretch of his cock.
“Yeah, you like that? That was what you wanted, shit,” he moaned, “Wanted me to pay you attention so you got on my nerves to get this. You want me to be rough with you, don’t you?” He asked. “Answer me,” he groaned, pulling her flush against his chest and leaving a light tap against her cheek.
“Yes, fuck, yes.”
“But if you – fuck – want me to be rough with you, you just have to fucking ask. But noo,” he cooed, a deep laugh rolling out of his chest. “It’s better to go around and act like a slut, isn’t it?”
“N-no,” she breathed out.
He snorted. “And you know, if I only didn’t care so much about you I’d let him fuck you. I’d love to see the – fuck – the disappointed look on your face," he said, wrapping a hand around her neck and squeezing it before kissing her hard. “Because he can’t fuck you like I do.”
“I – I know," she moaned, feeling her knees shake.
“Nobody can fuck you like I do,” he whispered against her ear. “Say it,” he ordered, “say that nobody, nobody, will ever make you feel as good as I do.”
She threw her head back, ass arching against him, pleasure making her feel dizzy as she struggled to make the words come out of her mouth. “No - nobody will ever make me – mmh – nobody will make me feel as good as you.”
“Yeah, that’s right.”
“You feel good,” she moaned, head falling forward, not really sure she could last longer. “No,” she whined when he pulled out.
“Turn around,” he ordered. “Want you to look into my eyes while I break you.”
She stumbled on her heels, hardly turning around and sitting back on the desk and in a second Jeno was inside her again, thrusting into her mercilessly, knocking the breath out of her lungs.
“You make me so fucking mad,” he groaned, kissing her roughly. “I wanted to get home and – shit – fuck you gently all night and here we are,” he said, cupping her face, “we have a party to get back to and we look like a mess all because you never know when to stop.”
“Too much," she mumbled, looking into his eyes, hips shaking.
“No, you can take it, you wanted this and you will take this. I know you’re close, you’re – fuck – squeezing me.”
“Play with your clit,” he ordered. “And come for me while you look into my eyes.”
“Y-yes,” she replied, sliding her hand between their bodies and starting to move her fingers on her clit, wanting to roll her head back but forcing herself to keep it up and stare at him, feeling the orgasm come.
“Shit, yes,” Jeno moaned. “Just like that. Good girl, my good bunny,” he praised, kissing her. "Yeah, that was what you wanted. And keep bein’ my good bunny and come,” he ordered, giving one last thrust that pushed her over the edge.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” she cried, locking her legs around his waist and digging the nails of the hand around his arm into his skin.
“God,” he groaned. “Mine. All mine.”
“Yeah,” she breathed out, meeting his lips in a soft kiss again, “I’m all yours.”
Jeno leaned his forehead against hers as they both caught their breaths and came down from the high. “I’m all you ever wanted," he whispered. “All your life you wanted me. And now you have me, bunny. You have me right here, so don’t you dare leave me.”
She wasn’t supposed to be there, eavesdropping a conversation about her that she wasn’t supposed to hear. But when she come back from work, she opened the front door and heard Jeno and his friends talk in the kitchen, surely Jaemin wasn’t there, or there was no way they would have that conversation. But she didn’t do it on purpose and she had no idea if it was better like this or living in a lie.
‘You didn’t win the bet, technically. It was two months and you started dating her after three.’ Haechan complained.
‘Yeah, but I got to her after one week, I think I win.’ Jeno replied and even if she couldn’t see his face, she knew there was a smug smirk on his face.
‘I mean, the bet involved both fucking with her and dating her so I think he’s right.’ Jisung chimed.
‘And as I told you she fell on my feet. She was literally begging for my attention so my point was proved.’ Jeno
She felt her eyes flood with tears and ran away with the intention to confront him at home. Receiving more humiliation in front of his friends was the last thing she wanted.
‘God, I hate you, man, Fine. Here’s the money.’
Jeno scoffed. ‘I don’t want the money,’ he replied. ‘I think I found a better prize.’
“Honey,” Jeno said, opening the door of his place. “I wasn’t expecting you to be home, why’s your car in the driveway?”
“Don’t call me honey,” she said, standing in front of him, crossing her arms in front of her chest and staring at him.
“Oh, what happened? We didn’t have a date, right?” He asked, trying to guess why she was mad. “And surely today is not your birthday.”
She took a step forward and slapped him, making him flinch and stare at her with a surprised expression.
“You are an asshole!” She screamed. “You played me for a fucking bet. You – you lied to me all these months! Five months of lies and games you played for some money. Is this all I am to you? A joke? A bar talk with your stupid friends? How much do they know about me? Did you have fun making fun of my innocence? Or was it funnier to laugh about how much I trusted you and let you do things I would’ve never done before?”
“Hey, hey,” he said, trying to reach for her but she pulled away, glaring at him, making him understand that if he dared to touch her she was going to slap him again. “You are not a joke for me. And they don’t know a single thing about you. I don’t want anybody else to know so much about you, to get so deep under your skin. Everything that we did, everything you told me, had been just between me and you.”
“I heard you,” she retorted. “I’m not dumb, I know what I heard. I heard how hard you were trying to convince them that you were right and you won! All your daddy’s money and you still need to win more by betting on me!”
“I didn’t want the money,” he explained, walking closer to her again. “Can you let me explain?”
“No, you’ve got nothing to explain. There’s nothing you can say that will,” she stopped, lowering her head and sniffling lowly, running the palm of her hand under her nose. “Nothing you can say will make you come out of this innocent,” she whispered, feeling new tears wet her face. This wasn’t supposed to end like this. She wanted him too much for this to end up so badly.
“Does it matter why I got closer to you? Do you really want a stupid bet to come between us?” He asked, trying to meet her eyes but her head was still reclined, facing the floor of his living room and her hair hid her face.
“It’s not a stupid bet. It’s me. It’s us,” she replied with her voice full of anger. “And I won’t let you get away with this. I will tell everything to Jaemin. I will tell him how his best friend, well friends, played his sister. I will tell him how you used me all this time and you will see,” she said, finding the courage to look up at him, but when she met his eyes she couldn’t find fear. Jeno was unfazed, staring at her with a faint grin on his face.
“Honey, do you hear yourself?” Jeno chuckled darkly, shaking his head. “Do you really think he would believe you? His annoying, pathetic little sister who drooled over me for ages. And careful, that is what he thinks about you.”
Her mouth hung open, not expecting him to say something like that. “I didn’t drool over you,” she retorted, trying to push in the back of her mind the fact that deep down not even Jaemin cared about her. That truly she was way lonelier than she thought.
“Shh, don’t cry,” he said, walking to her, caressing her cheek now that she let down her guard, shoulders dropping and heart crumbling into pieces. “You know you do. You wanted me so badly for all this time so… what’s different now?”
“You – you, this is all a game for you. You bet on me. You think nobody wants me.”
“Did I ever say that? No. But let’s be real, you’re 21 and nobody ever looked at you the way I did. All the things I did, I did them for you,” he replied, thumb brushing on her burning wet cheek. “I made you feel good, so why would you be mad at me? I never said I loved you when we started. I never told you that when I didn’t truly believe it.”
“But you knew I… you knew! You knew I would’ve done anything for you,” she screamed, shaking harder in his hold, feeling both comfort and coldness in it. She couldn’t wrap her head around it, how he was the main reason for her pain and yet the main reason for her comfort.
“And? I knew how dedicated you are, so what’s the problem?”
“I… I… you know it’s not fair,” she whispered, looking down again, not bearing to his face. His handsome, gentle face that fooled her for so long. “You know that’s one of the worst things you could ever do.”
“Is it?”
“Yes. And I’ll tell my brother and you will see. You won’t make me change my mind.”
Jeno grabbed her waist, pulling her close to him. “You won’t tell him anything. Do you really want to humiliate yourself? What are you going to do? Tell him that you crawled to me on your knees because you needed someone to teach you about sex? You remember right why it all started? Imagine how he would feel knowing that you go around asking all his friends to fuck you.”
Her eyes drifted on his face. “I don’t go around doing that,” she said, tears streaming down her face.
“Maybe…” he replied, wanting to bring up the way she was grinding on Haechan even if they were together, but deciding to don’t more fuel to the fire. “But if I would’ve said no, you would’ve. Isn’t this better for everybody? Your brother doesn’t know, and we still have each other.”
“I don’t want to have you,” she lied, meeting his eyes, scaring herself because how could he be so impassive? How could there not be a trace of emotions? Did he care or not?
“No? Now that you finally got me, you don’t want me anymore?”
“No – not like this,” she replied, trying to stop the sobs and don’t look even more like a mess. The mess he made. “You – you are a completely different person, you – you are not who I thought you were.”
“But I am me. You loved me all these months, and trust me, that was the real me. Why don’t you love me anymore? Why would you push me away, bunny?”
“Do-don’t call me bunny,” she said, glaring at him.
“But you love it so much, don’t you? Do you still have the bunny I won for you? Remember it? I can give you so much more than that.”
“I – I need you to love me, I don’t need this. I don’t need toys. I don’t need lies. You hurt me.”
“And I’m sorry, alright? I never lied to you when it came to us. I would’ve broke us off if I truly didn’t like you.”
“Yeah but I, I’m not sure I want you anymore,” she said, slipping out of his hold and grabbing her purse and jacket from the couch. “We – we need a break.”
And Jeno watched her go, opening the door of his house and closing it behind. He didn’t cry, he didn’t run after her, he didn’t try to stop her.
He knew she was going to come back to her.
Crawling, just like she did the first time.
She was lost. Everybody around her noticed that. Weird, she thought, that for once they were paying attention to her. But she couldn’t tell the truth, she shrugged their oppressions off, pretending that it was just life, work and lack of sleep.
And that wasn’t a total lie. She had spent sleepless nights up, Jeno’s ghost haunting her, pushing her closer and closer to the edge every night. Because if during the day she could pretend and try to distract herself, at night she couldn’t.
Jeno was everywhere. He was like her shadow, walking behind her, a cold wind blowing around her, covering her with shivers. He was imprinted on her body, his fingerprints burning up on her skin, leaving scars that weren’t physical, scars she couldn’t mend or sew. Scars he left open, bleeding, and poured with salt. Scars only he could heal. And only he could make.
And she didn’t know what to do. If it was better to go back to him, let him heal her pain and hope he wasn’t going to scar her again or leave immediately. Admit to herself that certain things just weren’t meant to happen and let him go, slowly, bleeding some more, but let him go.
And it took her two weeks to make up her mind and take the most painful decision of her life.
So when she found herself at his front door she felt every second pass, slowly, prolonging that torture more.
“Coming.” She could hear his muffled voice from the other side of the door and wanted to leave, not sure that after seeing his face she would’ve carried through. But she was there, and when she took the first step back, it was already too late. “Oh, you didn’t warn you were going to pass by,” he said, surprised of seeing her there.
She hummed, “No, it was a last-minute decision. Can I come in? Or are you already busy with somebody else?”
Jeno sighed but moved to the side. “I told you, I love you. I would never move on so easily.”
She shrugged, before turning around again. “Actually it won’t take long, so you can go back to what you were doing,” she said, making Jeno furrow.
She came back, but he already suspected she didn’t come back how he wanted.
“I thought about it a lot,” she started saying, fingers playing with a loose thread of her sweater but she was forcing herself to look at him. “I thought about us a lot and I realized I can’t do this. I can’t have you, not like this, not after everything.”
Jeno blinked repeatedly, shaking his head. “You want to break up with me?” He asked to make sure that was the point she was making.
“Yes,” she replied. “It pains me a lot but… I need to put me first. I am worthy unlike all of you think.”
Jeno hummed, rubbing his chin and wetting his lip. “You are, you sure are. But… you know nobody will make you feel as good as I made you feel, right?”
She didn’t answer. She feared nobody was going to make her feel what he made her feel, but that couldn’t be possible, right? There were so many people in the world, he couldn’t be the only one for her.
“Nobody will ever know you as deeply as I know you.”
No answer again, just broken eyes looking into each other.
“Do you really want to erase all of these years?”
She furrowed at his words, chuckling bitterly, “You never paid attention to me.”
“Are you sure? Just because I was looking at you from the sidelines, silently waiting for the moment to have you? We love in such a different way you think I don’t love you. How could you be so full of yourself thinking that your way of loving is the only right one?”
“I don’t think my way of loving is the only right one I… you… you never loved me,” she whispered, feeling her heart clench because she had to repeat it to herself every night and doing it again, reminding herself that he never loved her but only played her like a puppet on a string, brought her to her knees, and made her feel worthless. It proved once again that everybody was right, that she was nothing special, nothing more but a sideshow for everybody to buy a ticket and laugh at her goofiness and futility.
“Here you go, doing this again. Do I have to get on my knees to tell you I love you?” He asked, taking a step closer to her.
“No, there’s no –”
“No, I’ll do it,” he stopped her. “Here I am, on my knees for you.”
She clenched her fists and wanted to slap him again for missing the point so many times. “You bet on me!” She replied, screaming at his face.
“That’s so irrelevant,” he replied, keeping up with her angry gaze, not even flinching.
“No, it’s not. And you’re lucky I didn’t say a thing to Jaemin –”
“Shut up,” he stopped her, standing up once again, voice harsh before it turned sweet and caring again, “I thought we were clear about not telling anything to him, right?”
“No,” she fought back. “I won’t keep my mouth shut.”
Jeno rolled his eyes and stopped her, a hand around her cheek and another around her waist. “Now you stop and listen to me,” he groaned, “alright, darling?” She hummed, tears running down her face again, and hated the way the only thing her mind could think was how much she had missed the feeling of being in his arms.
“I’d never hurt you on purpose, I love you and it doesn’t matter if it took a bet to get it. I do. And I want you to put it in your mind. Please, let me show you how much I love you,” he whispered, kissing her neck, making her shiver and push him back. She couldn’t fall, not again, not now that his games were all revealed. “Shh, shh, don’t fight it. Don’t fight me,” he rasped. “Remember how you were always all over me? What changed now?”
“You are not who I fell in love with,” she managed to say, shivering and squirming under him, feeling that the power he had over her was once again making her walls fall down.
“Just let me prove it to you, let me prove you it’s always me, the only one you love so much. Because you love me, right?” He cooed, caressing her cheek, and wiping away the black rivers of mascara on her face. “I know you still love me. I know your heart cannot beat with me out of your life.”
She didn’t answer but only hummed, shivering when his hand reached the small of her back and pulled her closer. Tired, she felt tired. And once again, he was the only one keeping her up on her feet. He was the only one that didn’t let her fall. But she wondered if it was because he truly cared, or if he needed to control her. If this sense of comfort was also fake like everything else. But her mind couldn’t tell it, not now at least, and she only hoped that when she did, it wouldn’t have been too late.
“You don’t want me to leave you. You cannot live without me. Remember?” He whispered, caressing her face gently, reaching her hair, caressing her scalp, fingers moving in circles just like she liked, in the same way that would always make her fall asleep with her head on his lap, or against his shoulder. “You told me, whispered it to me while laying on my chest, fantasizing about our future together.”
“That – that was before…” she sniffled, trying to fight it off, trying to grasp onto what was left of sanity, screaming to the small part of her that wasn’t completely devoted to him to please wake her up and make her get out of there. But there was nothing left of her that wasn’t madly, deeply, and completely in love with him, lost for him, devoted, obsessed with the feelings he brought along. Nothing of her didn’t scream Jeno anymore. She was his. Every inch of her skin. Every cell of her blood. Every thought in her mind, about him.
And he knew it. Because he truly had her imprinted in the back of his mind. He had studied her for so long, silently, without making her notice. He knew exactly what she needed and how to give it to her. He knew how neglected she was and how she needed to be valued, loved, praised, and cherished. And he was going to do it. If she let him, he was going to give her everything and more.
“But I’m still here,” he smiled, and then he kissed her as his hands moved to gently cup her cheeks and kiss her lips. “See, there still are my lips on yours,” and then he moved down, “and on your neck… right here,” he sucked. “Right here, bunny, where it makes you shiver so much under me.” And her body trembled in his hold as if it was a command, something natural starting from her brain as soon as his lips moved, like a magic spell.
“Yeah, you know nobody else will know how much you love being kissed there,” he hummed, snuggling his nose against her skin. “Or touched here,” he said while his hand moved under her sweater and brushed against the skin of her hips.
“Jeno, we – you need to stop,” she shook her head, trying to stop him once again. To stop herself from falling into the wolf trap.
“Do I? Does your body want to?”
“I don’t care what my body wants. I know this is wrong.”
“How is this wrong?” He asked, pulling his hand out of her sweater, but still keeping the other on her cheek, caressing softly. “It’s us, bunny. It will always be us.”
She swallowed hard, trying to understand if he was lying or if he was being honest, but she couldn’t get it. She had never been good at reading him and he had played her so many times she had no idea if she could trust him. But what was he gaining from this? Why was he fighting so hard to keep her when he could’ve had anybody else? Why was he still trying to keep her with him if the bet was done? Sure, that was wrong, the worst thing he could’ve ever done but it was in the past. He grew to love her. He loved her. Lee Jeno loved her. And he was doing everything to prove it to her.
“Do you want it to be only us, bunny? I need to hear you say you want me to show you how much I love you.”
“Ye – yes,” she replied. “Want it to be only us.”
And she fell. She had thrown herself out from the tenth floor of a building with no parachute and didn’t even realize it yet, and by the time she would’ve opened her eyes and realized what she had done, it would’ve been too late, too close to the ground, too close to crushing down. Her fear of the Ferris wheel would’ve been her reality.
They were once again in an amusement park, going round and round, running after fantasies, marking each other, biting off pieces, bleeding. While the Ferris Wheel kept falling but from higher, much higher than where they were before, and death, even if by his side, wouldn’t have been sweeter and tragically romantic. And while meeting her tragic faith, the only thing she could hope for was to never open her eyes, to never realize the rose-colored glasses carnival Jeno locked her into, but to pretend, and pretend… and pretend until there was nothing left to do, until her sad destiny would’ve welcomed her and lulled her with the ideal of a love story that was only in her mind.
“I love you so much,” he kept whispering next to her ear while he had her body pressed under his, hands intertwined together over her head, chest pressed against her back, hips thrusting against hers, lips kissing the blades of her shoulders, trying to go deeper under her skin because if only he could’ve, he would’ve. “I love you and I want you to never forget it.”
And all she could do was hum and moan under his expert hands that played her like a violin. “I – I missed you,” she cried out, letting go of a confession she couldn’t keep in anymore as another orgasm rushed over her body.
“I know,” he whispered, holding her closer. “Can’t get enough of me, can’t – fuck – be without me.”
“I – it’s getting too much,” she whimpered, pressing her head against the pillows of his bed. “You feel too good,” she wept, holding his hands tighter, feeling her heart burn up when he started to whisper again how much he loved her, how much he needed her.
“We fit so well, bunny,” he whispered, pulling out and turning her over, slipping into her again, holding her limp, tired body in his arms as he picked up his rhythm again. “We are made for each other,” he said, caressing her wet cheek. “So don’t ever let anything – fuck – come between us. Not the bet,” he groaned, feeling another orgasm approach them, “not your brother. Not another man. Nothing and nobody, fuck.”
She hummed, lazily blinking, eyes barely adjusting to see his face, and smiled. She smiled because that felt like heaven. She smiled because Jeno looked like an angel. She smiled because after being a loser for her entire life, there was a small patch of paradise reserved even for her. “Just us,” she whispered.
And by the time they came together she had no more strength to keep her eyes open, even less to talk, but there was nothing more to say. She had nothing more to say, not for now, at least. Her wounds were healed.
So she let go in his arms, drunk in his scent and warmth, heart beating with the hope of a better future. A hope that was fueled by a reality that was all distorted. And in her dreams, she couldn’t hear him, but he would’ve made sure to remind her of that promise every day.
Jeno turned around, eyes studying her relaxed face, fingers grazing her cheeks, moving her hair out of her beautiful face, a grin creeping on his face as he leaned down to kiss her parted lips.
“It will always be us, bunny,” he promised. “Always.”
I hope you liked it, please leave feedback and let me know with comments, reblogs or asks ♡ For more support consider donating.
Part 2: shattered glasses
#nct fanfiction#jeno smut#jeno angst#lee jeno smut#lee jeno angst#jeno scenarios#nct dream smut#nct dream angst#nct dream scenarios#requests
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Let's Talk About: Fantasy High Junior Year and Not All Who Wanda Are Lost
This is the first time I'm watching a Fantasy High season as it airs, instead of binging it--and I hate it! I am itching to see what happens next. Itching. Like I can't focus on anything else without having that itch scratched.
Also: two things right off the bat:
One. The bitch is back. This is not a drill. THE BITCH IS BACK.
Two. GORGUG AND ZELDA REALLY ARE BROKEN UP? GOSH DARN IT!
Okay, now that I've calmed down somewhat. The episode is also a bit of a breather after the high-octane and high-emotions of the first two episodes. We do get some answers to some questions, like: yeah, Gorgug and Zelda are indeed broken up. Cathilda is at Leviathan, which is why Fabian is all alone at the Seacaster Manor.
And, yes, the projections are very much alive. Which I love.
There's an energy surrounding the Intrepid Heroes that really makes their seasons engaging even when their characters are doing bits I don't agree with. I guess because we've seen them play the most in Dimension 20, we trust that we know where they are going. And that's really the main part of why their seasons work, isn't it? We trust them. Even when they make mistakes or flub a deception that Brennan can then use against them, we trust that they mean well. That they have a story to tell.
That's one of the reasons why I've held on judgment with what seemed to be a repeating storyline for Kristen in the first two episodes. Now that we've seen the third episode, it does make sense for Kristen to enter a cycle. It does make sense for her to treat Cassandra the way she treated YES!. And, of course, Brennan is going to use this to fuck with the Bad Kids.
And Brennan is setting up so many villains, and maybe some red herrings… But it's hard not to panic. It's hard not to go into a worry. Because, yeah, I am going into a worry.
I guess, though, this season's biggest villain is real life. Not real-real life. But real life for our bad kids. Reality isn't cut-and-dry. We don't defeat monsters and then get to live happily ever after. Because life continues. And consequences matter. So of course Gorgug doesn't get an approval to multi-class as an artificer. Because of course it doesn't make sense.
We got a taste of the financial villainy last episode when Sklonda and Riz discussed how good grades might not be enough for him to get into a good college. And now Adaine is facing the reality of what being a wizard with no rich parents means. While, on the opposite side of the spectrum, Fabian is realizing how having money might get you perks but it still doesn't shield you from getting bombarded with other problems.
And then there's Fig. Our beloved wild child whose past actions are now, quite literally, chasing after her. And the poetry of Ally setting up a Hilda Hilda callback just as Brennan reveals an investigation about a missing person's case at 22 Hilda Boulevard.
If you're reading up to here, you probably understand my reason for hating having to watch an episode at a time, right? Because I am itching to find out what happens next. For each Bad Kid.
Especially after that revelation in the end.
…
One last thing: I laughed way too much at Riz using the term "constituents" when referring to the student body of Aguefort Academy.
Also: is Brennan intentionally letting the Intrepid Heroes go off tangent so he could get his almonds in?
I guess that's last two things. Oops.
#dimension 20#fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#d20 spoilers#brennan lee mulligan#emily axford#zac oyama#siobhan thompson#lou wilson#ally beardsley#brian murphy
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