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furicookiebndz · 4 months

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Lucifer x !FemReader : My old friend

Hello everyone, it is my first time writing this, i hope it will be good enough, have fun! This fan art isn't mine. Full credits to the amazingly talented artist/creator.

It has been thousands of years since evil began.

Lucifer, whose pride blinded him, attempted to dethrone the creator, only to ultimately fail and be banished from Paradise.

Lilith, who refused to submit to Adam, in turn fled from this magical place, but which hides many facades.

Yet few people know that with them, a third person flew out of Paradise. And even rarer are people who know the cause, 3 to be precise.

However, behind this unusual act lie very dark secrets, seen as…

-Can you stop, Vag'? You're giving me a headache.

The young woman turned her head towards the source of this execrable voice, a spider who was visibly lying carefree on the sofa, arms behind her head, a bored expression on her face.

Refraining from answering him, she continued:

Tragic, some thought it was another rebellious woman, others a fallen angel because of a serious crime, but that wasn't logical, what's worse than to confront the creator?"

-That doesn't help all of us, the young woman noted, running her hand through her hair, frustrated.

-It would be beneficial to have her on our side, especially if she has such a significant influence on the world of the living and beyond, Charlie concluded thoughtfully.

-But she hid from the world, living as a hermit. Many think it's a myth, but given what's been happening lately, I believe it's much more present than sinners think.

Vaggie rubbed her temples, trying to come up with an idea.

-Who the hell are you talking about? I hate it when you pretend to be Sherlock and leave me like the old cookie in the back of the cupboard.

-Are you interested in what we do? retorted Vaggie sarcastically

-No, more about why you were busting my balls, joked Angel.

-You don't even have one, asshole, mumbled quietly Husk, taking a sip of his cheap booze.

-Want to check~? It is free for you kitty cat.

-Not even for a thousand balls, growled quietly Husk, who was beginning to lose his patient.

-Ouuh finally a price there is progress, Daddy, the spider sent him a kiss

Alastor, who was reading a book by the fireplace, decided to speak

-Charlie, Darling, you seem concerned about this person Let me see…

He seemed surprised for a moment, before smiling more, if possible.

-My my, what a terrible coincidence. The person you are looking for is one of the most sought after. Didn't Lucifer tell you about Lady (Y/N)?

-Um… We're not exactly talking about all that-

“Daddy issues,” Husk muttered.

Alastor continued:

-As reported in this document, she flew away shortly after your parents. She was a person living in Heaven, she was not human, but not an angel entirely though, she had two pairs of wings, although she is the appearance of a mortal, yet she had her own power, not to be underestimated. She embodied humor, justice and determination. In short, all these things that are way too boring-

-Cut it short, Alastor, Vaggie said, snapping her fingers.

-But when Lucifer challenged God, she did not follow him, not because she had to beat him, but because he knew just as well as she did that what he was doing was wrong. For the first time in her life she felt an immense disappointment in the love he had once inspired in her, and the semblance of a relationship that was perhaps tending to end disappeared with the appearance of the first demon, your father, Charlie.

However, you are aware that shortly after the creation of Lilith, she quickly became friends with your mother, and when she flew away from Paradise, and she learned the cause, she entered in a black anger, so black that Gabriel had difficulty in containing it, Until then, she had always been obedient, never contesting the decisions, which were of infallible Justice, but this departure had torn away part of her herself. She confronted the lord, she tried to rally the others to her cause, but nothing changed. Disappointed, she left that place, and no one ever saw her again.

There was a heavy silence for a moment, before Angel said:

-So…Is she still a virgin?

Vaggie rolled her eyes before Charlie had an idea:

I'm sure she's not that far away. Maybe I should ask my father to contact her again. She must care about him, at least I hope so, and if I convince her, Gabriel won't be able to object!

Vaggie refrained from adding a comment, she knew it was too good to be able to do it, but in front of her girlfriend's adorable face, she couldn't refuse anything.

______________________________________________________________

-No, Lucifer said firmly, before Charlie could even finish his idea.

-But dad-

-End of discussion, I don't want to hear anything, he turned around and mechanically squeezed the rubber duck in his hand, like an anti-stress ball.

Lucifer seemed elsewhere, deep in thought. His friend, his old friend…

“Luciferrrrr!” A burst of joy appeared as she walked towards him, a smile on her lips, a book in her hands.

Lucifer as usual had a lyre in his hands. He looked up at Y/N and smiled.

One discussion led to another, he shared his ideas about the mortal world, while she agreed with some and shared her opinion on others. They would sometimes just stay silent, or she would read aloud from a book, and he would then accompany her with his lyre.

Such a beautiful memory…

Why Lucifer?! Why did you do this?

This same friend was there with her eyes filled with tears, disappointed in him.

Lucifer looked down. One mistake, just one mistake, had caused him to lose those he considered family, and his closest friend.

He wanted to tell her that it was just a misunderstanding, that it was for the best, but the damage was already done.

He took Lilith's hand and without a word, left for their new home.

The young woman, in tears, could only watch them leave, the man she loved and her friend, without being able to do anything, because her principles prevented her. Gabriel placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, and said nothing. If she knew, he couldn't imagine how she would have reacted

-Dad?

Lucifer seemed to come out of his thoughts and focused on a family portrait. Lilith was already gone, after their separation he only had his daughter left, and after a second of thought he sighed and said:

-I'll see what I can do…

-It's true? Oh thank you Dad, thank you thank you thank you!, cried Charlie enthusiastically.

She took him in her arms, and Lucifer said to himself that finally, if having a hug from his daughter meant having to seek the 7 rings of Hell and even the beyond, he would do it without complaining.

Now all that remained was to find it, the most complicated part…

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lucifer, Charlie and the hotel members thought for several days, using all their knowledge and powers to find her. If she was neither in Hell, nor in Heaven, or even in the mortal world, she must be between the latter options-

Lucifer suddenly had an idea, remembering a conversation they had shared long ago, and he cast an incantation, which opened a portal to a world- no, a unique place, so messy and blurry, and yet so… familiar, as if he were…

“In the middle of a dream,” Charlie whispered softly. The rest of the team followed her, looking around curiously. Lucifer asked himself so many questions, was it a place where souls rested between life and death? He did not know it. After all, the soul left the body for a while when it slept, that would explain the place.

-Who are you? I sense human souls, but something else…

They saw several women advancing, of great beauty, similar to fairies, but armed, ready to defend themselves, if it was not for another who stopped them by raising her hand, she advanced slowly, and Lucifer recognized her completely. right now.

-(Y/N)..Lucifer seemed upset to see her, and tried to pull himself together by talking to himself. "Ok, Ok. It's going to be okay buddy, you can do it, you can do it", When he met her gaze, he lost all his courage and hid behind Charlie.

-Dad!

-What? I-I'm just covering your back Charlie.

-At least what I thought of you is true, you're just a sissy Lucifer, Alastor sneered.

You looked at him for a moment, the man you had loved for thousands of years, it was..strange. You didn't know whether you should greet him or hit him.

-Lucifer, what is the honor of this visit worth to me? In 10,000 years you have never had the decency to come visit me.

Sarcasm. Something unusual about you, he couldn't help but admire you. Your two pairs of wings were now grey, but your eyes were still this soft (e/c) shade, but now full of resentment, and perhaps.. mockery?

-And you, you must be his daughter, mhh?

You moved closer to her and observed her suspiciously, while she was sweating profusely, and Vaggie seemed on the edge on attacking you, and to her surprise, you smiled widely and took her in your arms, with surprising strength.

-My lord you are his carbon copy, so pretty~, you squish her cheek cheeks and gush about her, while she laughs awkwardly.

Everyone was stunned by how fast the tension dissipates, and the women behind you giggle, seemingly aware by how fast your emotions tend to change. Lucifer smiles, maybe he still had a chance..

-But you seem so polite, unlike some, you cast a dark look at Lucifer, and greeted the others with a sympathetic and curious look, their offering to sit down for a while to talk.

...maybe not finally.

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-If I understood everything, you created a hotel to rehabilitate sinners… and are trying to convince Heaven, is that right?

She nodded and Lucifer tried to add something, but you stopped him:

-I don't speak with traitors and liars, especially if they forget to send me a life message for eons.

Lucifer doesn't say anything wanting to make anything worse. He knew he was wrong, and sighed heavily.

(Y/N)-1 Lucifer-0.

-Damn, this girl is awesome, Angel whispered excitedly.

Vaggie continued:

-Lady (Y/N), you still have decent relationship with heaven.Could you try talking to some highers-up about it? Like Gabrie-

-No, this thing is no longer part of my circle of close friends, I can still try to talk about it again with Sera and Emily, but I can't do anything with the other weirdo.

Charlie felt hopeless, and she took your hands and looked at you with a miserable expression.

-I beg you, you must speak to him, my people are dying every year at the hands of the exorcists, and I-I cannot stand by and do nothing. Can you try..?

At his beaten puppy look, you widened your eyes, it was exactly-

Please don't tell them where I was, Lucifer pleaded with adorable eyes. You sighed but smiled, nodding your head.

-Well, i will. But I'm not promising anything though-

-Thank you thank you thank you, she hugged you, and you hugged her back with a smile.

Lucifer felt his heart beat faster, these two women who are precious to him have finally met, and got along better than he expected.

Now all he had to do was sort out one last problem.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Explanations were made. You listened patiently, and after a while you answered:

-Why Lucifer, didn't you tell me before? I-I thought I was your friend.

Lucifer held her gaze, and for the first time in millennia he took his courage in both hands and took hers:

-I didn't want to see your disappointed look, I know I made a mistake, but I only thought about doing the right thing. And I-

-You got scared?

He nodded, and you sighed:

-I don't blame you, at least not anymore.

He raised his eyes, feeling a bit of hope, and feeling Charlie's encouraging look, he continued:

-So, can we try again? I mean our relationship- Well our friendship!

He blushed slightly and you chuckled softly:

-Yes, always Lucifer.

#hazbin hotel x reader #lucifer morningstar x reader #lucifer x reader #hazbin hotel imagine #lucifer morningstar imagine #lucifer imagine #hazbin hotel headcanon #lucifer morningstar headcanon #lucifer headcanons #hazbin hotel fluff #lucifer morningstar fluff #lucifer fluff #hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar #lucifer #x reader

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mika-no-sekai-blog · 3 months

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Word count: 1900+

Warnings: none

Part XI | Part XIII

You were sitting in your room, breathing deeply. Even after Rhys left, whatever he did with the scent of magic it stayed like that. You were overjoyed with the feeling of not wanting to puke. Your headache and pain of limbs eased, too.

The garden outside the window plunged into darkness, it was past the dinner time. But you didn't move a bit. You were sitting like this since he left, thinking about the offer he made you. Memories, your past, faces of your parents, your childhood. Did you want it back? Would it fill that empty space in your heart and soul that you felt all those years you lived alone in the forest? Thousands of questions without answer swirled in your mind.

A soft knock sounded on your door. You ignored it, wanting to be alone. Rhysand said he would give you time to think things over, so it most likely wasn't him, but it could be his mate. Or even worse, your cousin Mor. You weren't in mood to listen to her ramblings.

The door opened and closed and few tendrils of the shadows wrapped around your hands, playing with your fingers. The room filled up with refreshing scent of cedar and mist. You waited for the wave of nausea to hit you, but nothing happened. Closing eyes you breathed in deeply and for a moment you were back in the forest. Tension from your shoulders disappeared.

Porcelain rattled against the wood. Tray with plates full of food appeared on a small table next to the armchair.

"Figured you must be hungry," a deep voice said lowly. Your head followed the sound. Azriel was standing behind the armchair, giving you a soft smile. His eyes of colour of warm honey shone even in the dark room. "Can I?" He gestured to the other armchair.

You nodded. Your heart again did strange things in your chest. You saw this male just several times during your stay here, but it was always the same. Surge of energy ran through your body, pinching your skin, your heart was jumping, racing and stumbling. Yet a sense of peace filled you. As odd as it was, he made you feel at home.

This was the third time you were alone with him, because usually you saw him only at a meal time. To be honest you would like to spend with him much more time than those short moments. You felt good in his presence and he never bothered you with rambling or stories of the past. He was rather a silent type. In a certain way he reminded you of Tamlin who also wasn't too talkative and enjoyed silent and peaceful moments. Your heart clenched painfully at that memory.

When Azriel introduced himself he said he was a spy of your brother, so you imagined he was quite busy. He often disappeared for several days. Azriel was also the first one to call you by your name. That was another reason you liked him.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

You searched for the answer, considering what you actually felt. "I think I'm confused. Uncertain.."

"About what?"

You rolled your eyes. "Don't pretend you haven't heard about it. I pretty sure that Rhysand informed all of you about the things we spoke today."

His lips pressed together for a second. "You are right. He did, but I'd rather hear it from you personally. And just so you know, he made sure the whole house and garden are stripped of magic, so you can leave this room, if you want." His voice was gentle. He always spoke like that with you.

Your eyes widened. "Why would he do something like that?"

"There's nothing he wouldn't do for you. You are his baby sister and he loves you dearly." His posture and gaze was communicating similar emotions. You didn't know how, but you knew, Azriel would do just as much for you if not more.

A lump rose in your throat and tears filled your eyes. Suddenly you felt really bad for everything you told to Rhysand earlier and that you basically accused him of drugging you with who-knows-what medicines.

Azriel reached out, caressing you cheek. "Y/N, hey. You okay?" he cooed softly.

Without thinking you leaned into his touch. "I was quite harsh with him earlier.. well, the whole time.."

He chuckled. "No need to feel bad for that. He will survive. His ego is too big to be hurt by that. Also he is used to get a cold shoulder from you."

His laugh was so contagious you smiled, too. For some reason you felt special to witness it. You didn't know where the feeling came from, too. It seemed that your heart remembered more that your head.

He pushed the tray closer to you. "Try to eat something before the food gets cold. You will feel better with full tummy."

Tummy. What a ridiculous word coming from lips of a male like him. It was too sensual. It made your insides throbbing with.. could it be lust? It was hard to name it as you had never experienced anything like that except of that last evening with Tamlin.

Pushing those feelings and thoughts to the back, you eyed the plates. There was a lot of vegetables, some meat and fruits. All your favourite ones. You had to admit that he was really good at his job. He noticed even the smallest details. You blushed when your stomach growled loudly. Your eyes darted to him half expecting to find him laughing his head off, but Azriel pretended he didn't hear anything, merely smiling at you encouragingly.

You picked up a strawberry and took a bite. As the sweetness filled your mouth you closed eyes and sighed softly.

"You haven't changed," Azriel muttered amused.

You raised a brow in surprise, looking at him.

"You always loved the strawberries so much that one could feel its taste just by watching you eat them," he explained. He looked so.. gentle.

Your heart made a somersault in the chest picking up on speed, breath caught in your throat. There was another certain feeling you couldn't name, but it was close to what you felt when Tamlin smiled at you, teased you or when he played the fiddle for you. It kind of hurt, yet it was sweet. Just like the strawberry you ate.

Swallowing hard you took a fork and tried to concentrate on the food. It was quite a hard task.

Azriel silently watched you eating. Strangely you didn't mind it at all. When you finished, you pulled the knees to your chest and looked out the window. The garden was so dark you hardly recognised the shapes of trees and bushes, Sidra flowing behind the garden reflected the lights of the city on the opposite bank. And above that all, the stars twinkled, shining brighter than you'd ever seen them.

"Have you thought about Rhys' offer?" Azriel asked suddenly, his eyes never leaving your face.

"M-hm," you grunted. "That's why I'm so confused. I don't know if I want it."

"Why? What's stopping you?"

You silently watched the night sky for a moment, gathering your thoughts. "It's like.. I don't know.. I'm afraid who I would be after finding out who I was before. That I could lose myself."

"I don't think you would. If there's something you have in common with Rhys, it's strength. I've noticed it back then and I see it in you even now. There aren't many who could live through what you did."

Your cheeks burned. "But what if I change?" you mumbled barely audible.

"Believe it or not, you haven't changed that much," he gave your hand a reassuring squeeze. "With memories or without them, it's up to you who you will be, but no matter how you change it will still be you." And we will love you nonetheless. He didn't say that, but he didn't have to. It was in each word he spoke.

This male was strange. In a good way of course. It only took him a few minutes to make you feel better, lighter, to make a part of your worries disappear. You felt good with him. You only knew him for a short time, yet you could open up and talk to him about anything.

"I'm scared to remember. I don't know it for sure, but .. I think there are some memories that should remain forgotten.."

Azriel nodded. "If you want, Rhysand could try to revive just a small amount of memories at a time. You can stop any time, he won't push you to continue."

"Really? Do you think he would..?" You were surprised. When Rhysand told you he could bring the memories back, you imagined it would be all at once. You didn't know he could do it in small amounts.

Azriel raised a brow. "Of course he would. As I said he'd do anything for you."

That gave you something new to think about. By the time Azriel bid you a goodnight and left taking the tray with him, you had made up your mind. Afraid you could change your decision until the morning, you decided to look for Rhysand and tell him right away.

You went down the stairs and to the sitting room, but all lights were already turned off. In your hurry you didn't notice what time it was. With little hope you headed to his office. You stopped in front of the doors and listened. It was quiet inside. Thinking he had already gone to sleep, you turned around. You made only three steps into a hall when the office doors opened.

"Y/N?" Rhysand sounded tired. "What's going on? Are you okay?"

You turned to him, suddenly uncertain what to tell him. All courage you had just few moments ago, had left you. "I-.."

"Come in," he opened the doors wider.

You stepped in and looked around. You hadn't been in this room yet. Air was filled with smell of old parchment. Walls were covered with shelves full of books. There were several armchairs and sofas, so all members of his family could attend a meeting here. The room was dominated by large desk with two big windows behind it. There between the windows a painting of Feyre was hanged.

You smiled. "You love her a lot."

Rhysand stood next to you, looking at the same painting. "I do. She is my mate, my everything. I waited for her for 500 years. Some day I will tell you how we met. You'll like it," he smirked.

He gestured to the one of the armchairs in front of the desk and you sat down. He leaned against the desk, watching you with a smile, waiting.

You fidgeted nervously and cleared your throat. You couldn't stand the kind look of his violet-blue eyes, so you gazed down on your intertwined fingers.

"I-.. I talked with Azriel and.. I would like to accept your offer."

Rhysand's smile widened. "I'm happy to hear that." He watched you closely, tilting his head to the side. "But?"

You breathed out shakily. "Azriel told me you could return my memories in small amounts. I-.. I'm still not sure if I want to remember everything that happened to me.. I-"

His big hands landed on yours, squeezing them gently. "It's okay. We can stop whenever you want. I promise."

You shot up, tears stinging your eyes. Before you knew what you were doing, you hugged him. Rhysand stiffened for a heartbeat, but then his arms wrapped around you.

"Thank you," you whispered into his shoulder. He answered by running his hand up and down your back, rubbing it lovingly.

"If you want we can start tomorrow. What do you think?"

"I'd like that."

That night you slept peacefully, without nightmares.

Taglist:

@impossibelle @sevikas-whore @b0xerdancer @ladylizzieofdarbyshire @tele86 @mybestfriendmademe @nocasdatsgay @yunloyal

#tamlin x reader #tamlin fanfiction #tamlin acotar #tamlin #pro tamlin #azriel fanart #az x reader #azriel shadowsinger #azriel acotar #azriel spymaster #azriel x reader #azriel x you #a court of thorns and roses #acotar #acotar x reader #sarah j maas #writers on tumblr #writers

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bittergirlsworld · 4 months

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I finally gave up and saw TVD to understand some stuff in TO, and I just have to say: what an awfully written show. My goodness, how the hell is the most annoying girl in Mystic Falls the anchor who holds them together? Caroline, the fandom darling has no personality whatsoever. She's a camaleon, she's what they need her to be in the episode. Sometimes, she's the greatest soul alive, sometimes she's only there to slutshame another girl for doing exactly what she does. Sometimes she's pinning after her boyfriend, sometimes she backstabs him. Sometimes she's so repulsed by the 1000 year murder who bribes her with fancy things and sometimes she's okay to use the hell out of him to have what she needs. Elena, who's supposed to be the protagonist, becomes more and more the love interest to Damon. His love for her, that both recognize as toxic, comes from a sire bond and everyone insists to pretend that she loves him just the same without it as if she wasn't heavily projecting Stefan on him to the point he calls her out. The Originals, who were supposed to be invicible, the most insane of them just dies for a teenage hunter. Finn, the most sane one, portrait as a bore because he resented the bother who kept him in a coffin for thousands of years. Katherine, who I swear is one of the only two female characters really interesting in this show, is called a bitch all the time for the unforgivable crime of running from a psycho hybrid who wanted to slaughter her and then slaughtered her fucking family. Elijah and Rebekah does not exist outside of Klaus. Rebekah was just extremely annoying till they gave her a real personality and in the spin-off. Out of nowhere, she was obsessed with being human. Bonnie, poor Bonnie. The racism was blatantly showing. She was only there to be the magic negro trope. They didn't even allowed her to have romantic storyline! Her boyfriend who she resurrected cheats on her with a freaking ghost and she still back with him in season 5? She deserved so much better. Damon turns her mother in a vampire and then she's his best friend? She loses her entire family as well and is never treated with the same courtesy Elena has been treated. Not even the fancy balls she could attend, apparently. (Her wigs were also terrible. Poor Kat, they made her appear so old sometimes with those hairs).

And the romantic pairings? Awful. Damon and Elena were downright disgusting. He raped Caroline. Why everyone pretends he wasn't compelling her while having sex with her? Why all these centuries old man are so obsessed with fuck teenagers? How's that's romantic, date a girl on high school when you had two shares of a lifetime? Even if we take in consideration the lore that vampires stop aging when they're turned, the only couple who would make sense in this logic were Stefan and Elena, since Stefan was a teenager when turned. Klaus and Caroline had no romantic connection. She used him dry, he bite her to die to make a point to her boyfriend. He would be her last love but fucked her and left. She hated him but would happily accept his gifts while treating him like a dog. Damon and Elena loudly assume to each other that they are terrible together but then forget because they're fucking again. I swear to god, that relationship was pure based on their sex drive. She wanted that old dick so bad she blamed dead Katherine for the fact he killed her friend and threatened her brother.

The timeline made no sense. Plotholes all around. Why Bonnie couldn't make magic while being the anchor? Must be because she would be too powerful, and with Elena being so useless, they couldn't allow that. Caroline is another one completely useless for the plot. She could disappear from the show and wouldn't change a single thing.

It's really awful. After finally seeing this I can say with conviction that The Originals was the best they could have.

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thyme-in-a-bubble · 2 years

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tulip

A/N: listen, I just wanted the vibes, I didn't feel like fleshing out a whole and complete story, just stuck to the nice images floating up in my brain noggin.

summary: "...that we all just wanna be happy, want each other to be happy, so that’s just what we should do, be happy together..."

warnings: Steve Harrington x reader x Eddie Munson, just vibes without a plot, kinda love triangle, polyamory, kissing (so many sloppy, messy kisses), allusion to masturbation, unprotected sex, threesome, dirty talk, praise, fingering, oral sex, blowjob, handjob, tiny bit of impact play, penetrative sex, tiny bit of size kink (it's canon, Steve is fat af), let's be honest it's mostly just a bunch of cuddlefucking, reader being blind with love, Eddie being a chaotic little bean and Steve being the "grown-up" in the dynamic

word count: 3681

∼ gentle reminder that feedback, but especially reblogs are the way you support writers on here ∽

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Running up to greet your neighbour, like clockwork, your stomach was filled with thousands of butterflies, “Eddie! When did you get back?”

Pulling you into a hug, he lifted you a few inches off the grass, and beamed into your hair, “not that long ago.”

“We missed you here,” you hummed, closing your eyes, and breathing in his familiar scent.

Pulling back, he kept one of his hands on your shoulder, huge grin still plastered on his face.

“So,” it was still summer, why did his rings still feel so cool against your skin? “are you like some big-time rock star now?”

“Nah,” his thumb played with the strap of your tank top, “it was just a few small dive bars across Indiana. Not exactly CBGB,” he loosened his grip, ghosting his fingers down your arm before disappearing completely, assuring that your body was completely covered in goosebumps if you weren’t already, “but what about you? How was your summer?”

“Oh, nothing crazy,” you sucked in a sharp breath of air at the loss of contact, “mostly just worked a lot…”

Gliding his vision over your form as you crossed your arms, he bit his lip in an effort not to smirk at what he asked next, “and how’s Steve?”

“Steve?” your eyes grew wide, “h-how would I know?”

“News travel fast here in Hawkins,” he breathed out, leaning back against the picnic table behind him, then added with a sly grin, never taking his eyes off you, “also we are next-door neighbours and the walls on a trailer are not very thick…”

“Oh my god…” your hands shot up to cover the tomato that was now your face, “oh my god!”

“I had no idea you could make those noises…” he kept going, clearly having a field day with this.

“Eddie, please,” you groaned into your palms.

“Yes?” he grinned.

“Don’t… you-,” you pealed your hands off your face and stared determinately up at the clouds, not daring to look at him for even a second, “can you just pretend you didn’t hear any of it?”

“I don’t know if I can do that, sweetheart,” the dungeon master clasped his hands together, interlocking the fingers, making his metal rings clang together, “and I am really fucking good at playing pretend.”

Taking a deep breath, you winced slightly, “please don’t say stuff like that…”

“Why? Because you’ll stick your big strong boyfriend on me?” then added in a voice dripping in sarcasm, “ohh, so scared. What’s he gonna do? Style my hair?”

You already had your suspicions that you still weren’t over your agonising and ancient crush on your next-door neighbour, but this just confirmed your theory in the most mortifying of ways.

Finally backing off, he stopped snickering and asked, “so how did it happen anyways? You and him.”

“Why do you all of a sudden wanna braid each other's hair and talk about boys?” you finally looked at him.

“You’ve just never had a boyfriend like that before, colour me curious.”

“Yeah, well if you look past all the hairspray and the charm, he might just surprise you,” he certainly had surprised you. Sure, you’d known him for years, gone to the same school, but he’d always just been the popular boy in your eyes and nothing more, honestly thought he was kind of a dick at first, but then the two of you happened to have the same summer job and everything changed. To say that he wooed you was an understatement. To be quite frank, he’d given you a summer romance worthy of being transcribed into a book with Fabio on the cover. He had made you fall in love with him. Just, until now, you had assumed that those feeling would have somehow cancelled out the long-festering ones you had for Eddie, but alas, seems that wasn’t how it worked.

Still whining softly, you came down from your self-induced euphoric high.

Yep, you were still very much in love with him alright! Damn it. Why couldn’t it just be simple and clean, one person at a time, but no! Clearly not! The sight of his figure now occupying your bedroom window’s view once more had driven you over the edge and had been enough of a spark to give you one of the best orgasms you’d had on your own in a long time.

“Well, that was… wow,” someone uttered, and you ripped your wet fingers out from your underwear and sat straight up in the bed, jumping at the sight of your boyfriend standing in the doorway, mouth agape.

“How long have you been standing there?” did you hear me moan out a different name than yours?

“Long enough,” he breathed out, the raging hard-on in his slacks being clear as day, “although, now I really wish I had been here just a little sooner. Could have given you the real deal to drool over instead of being stuck using your memory,” he crept closer.

“Who says that I'm done?” you tried to filter out your still active spank bank.

Situating yourself at the foot of the bed, kneeling, he stared down at you, parts of his perfect hair flopped forward, sheltering his dark eyes. Reaching out, caressing your glowing cheek, he skimmed the pad of his thumb over your lips and you kissed it softly.

“The stamina on you, babe. It’s enough for a whole football team to have fun with and you’d probably still ask for seconds,” finding his zipper, you tugged on it, getting one layer closer. Slipping his thumb inside your mouth, letting your tongue explore the familiar digit, he muttered, “you drive me fucking crazy…”

Practically drooling over the way Eddie’s fingers moved over the strings of his guitar, you sat close enough to see every single vein pop out, straining against the difficult riff. Practically laying down on his messy bed, his eyes were locked on the instrument itself, seemingly unaware of your hungry eyes, properly thinking you were still reading the magazine in your lap.

“So… what’s the new trend this fall?” he glanced up at you and you tried your best to act quick, avert your gaze, and look back down at the colourful pages.

“Um,” you scrambled your brain for some answer that wasn’t just about how hot he looked right now. Those hands… fuck. Those skilful fucking hands… The first thing your eyes caught sight of was a puffy, purple dress, so that’s what you blurted out, completely flustered, “purple.”

“Hm, interesting,” he plucked away at the strings, then suggested, “you know, if you want to, I could drive you to the mall.”

“Why? You hate the mall.”

“But I don’t hate you,” he stated, looking up at the ceiling of his bedroom.

Exhaling deeply, “I don’t hate you either Eddie…”

“Oh, I am very aware of how much you don’t hate me,” he ripped his eyes away from the ceiling to flash you a knowing smirk. His song suddenly stopped, as he sat up straight, fixated on something on your face, “wait, just-, you have a little-,“ and two of his fingers plucked a hair away that unbeknownst to you had stuck to your lip, “there,” he let out a sigh of relief and tucked that and a few more hairs behind your ear, “that was fucking killing me and I just couldn’t stop myself from fixing it.”

One second, he was just sitting there, guitar in lap, a hand in your hair, innocently playing with it, but what happened next felt like being struck by lightning. Suddenly, his lips pressed against yours and he kissed you. Eddie kissed you. It was much softer, gentler than you’d imagined he would kiss you, especially for the first time. You’d always thought it would be all or nothing with him every time, but no, surprisingly, the cocky bastard wasn’t like that.

Pulling back, he swiped his thumb over your cheek and looked at you dreamily.

“Fuck…” you breathed out, desperately wanting to go dive back in for more, but then thoughts of Steve found you and your head slumped down, “fuck.”

“I gotta know, how long has it been?”

“What?” you looked up at him in utter shock.

“What, you didn’t think I knew? Honey, you aren’t that subtle at hiding your feelings.”

“I-… Eddie…”

Taking a deep breath, he looked you over once more, and guessed quietly, “you still like him, huh?”

“Yeah… but I-“

“Like I said, not subtle at hiding your feelings,” he cut you off, scooting further away from you on the mattress, “It’s okay. All I want for you is to be happy and if that means Steve, then that’s fine by me.”

“Eddie…”

“It’s fine,” he rushed out, “I’m fine, promise.”

“Do you like him?” Steve asked hesitantly, looking down at your comparatively small hand, how it was engulfed in his.

“Yeah… I never really stopped…”

Eddie had been your first serious crush. He was your neighbour. He was funny and sweet and kind. He had just kissed you! Of course, you liked him.

“Do you-… do you still like me?”

“Yeah,” you breathed out, never doubting it for a moment, “I never stopped.”

“So, you like him… but also me?”

“Yeah,” you nodded slowly.

“Okay… okay,” you could see the gears turning.

“…okay?”

“I’ll be back later,” he let go of your hand and got up, “I need to go talk to him.”

“You, what?”

Stopping in his tracks, he spun around, rushed to you, and bent down to give you a kiss. Raising a hand to touch his forearm, you let out a shaky sigh against his lips.

Pulling back, he took a deep breath, then stated quietly, “I love you,” then turned back to his determent mission, “wait for me to get back, okay? Wait right here,” and vanished out the door.

“Good morning!” a singsongy voice woke you from your slumber.

“Munson, it’s like 2 am.”

“So, what, you want me to wake her with an ominous good evening? Uh! I should remember that for my next campaign, that could be creepy as fuck.”

Blinking your eyes open, you squinted up at not just the man who had promised his return, but also an unexpected visitor.

“Hey,” you gave a soft smile.

“Hey, babe,” Steve breathed out, sitting on the bed beside you, while Eddie hovered in the background of your still sleepy eye line.

Slowly sitting up, you took a moment to look from one to the other, inspecting if there was any danger at play, but all you saw were just bright smiles. “So, I’m guessing you two didn’t kill each other?”

“No,” Steve informed you, stroking your hair, properly taking care of some of your sleep-induced frizz. He then looked back at Eddie, “we just had a long talk…”

“Yeah…” he agreed slowly.

Why did they look so buddy-buddy all of a sudden, “…talk?”

“Yep,” Steve nodded.

“Turns out,” Eddie joined you on the bed, “we’ve got more in common than you might think,” he fiddled with his rings, spinning one of them around his finger.

“Really?” you hugged your knees to your chest.

“Mhm,” Steve hummed, “just to save you from a long-winded description of every little thing we talked about, the important takeaway is that we both care about you a lot and want you to be happy. We want to make you happy. So then we came up with an idea-“

“Well,” Eddie interjected, “I came up with it, I suggested it.”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s not the important part-“

“But I did, I just think she deserves to know that-”

“And now she does!”

“So, um,” you sat there and carefully observed the looks they shoot at each other, “what is this idea?”

“Yeah, it’s, um…” Steve started, “that we all just wanna be happy, want each other to be happy, so that’s just what we should do, be happy together.”

Furrowing your brow, you breathed out a tiny chuckle, “do you mean-“

“That we all just bang?” Eddie interjected with a grin, “that’s one word for it, sure.”

“Seriously?”

“What? Do you not want to?” Steve’s hand came to rest on your knee.

“No, that’s not what I was saying, it’s just a pretty serious thing, so I, um, I can’t really tell if this is all just some elaborate joke or am I dreaming right now? I’m totally dreaming!” leaning forward, Eddie reached under the duvet and pinched you, “ow! Hey!”

Doing a double take at the stink eye he received from Steve, Eddie clarified, “see, not a dream.”

“You could have just told me.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t,” he smiled, obviously taking it as an excuse to touch you.

“So,” Steve gathered your attention back up, “if you’re in, then we are as well.”

“Both of you?” you searched their eyes.

“Yes,” they both chimed.

“Really?” you jumped slightly in your seat, making the blanket fall from your body.

“Yeah, really,” Eddie confirmed.

And with that, you tackled them both in a big hug, giggling as their backs hit the mattress. Closing your eyes, you felt kisses begin to bloom on each side of your face. Turning your head, you first caught the lips of Steve, then turned to kiss Eddie, whose fingers were already tangled in your hair.

Soon, the kissing and cuddling turned into more. You were now sprawled out, your back leaning against Steve’s warm chest, and with Eddie's head between your legs, eagerly pushing your blue, floral nightgown up well above your hips.

“Jesus fuck, if only you knew the amount of times I’ve dreamt about this,” he nibbled at your thighs.

Gliding a hand down to palm your left breast, Steve kissed your neck, effectively starting a fight with your eyelids to make them stay open and actually experience the glorious sight in front of you and not just feel it. “He doesn’t even know the half of it yet, I’m telling you, man, once you start, you can’t ever stop, she’s like a drug…”

“Then it’s a good thing you don’t mind illicit substances, do you, Eddie?” you grinned, watching closely as his face greeted your clothed cunt with a blissful peck over the small soaked spot, then promptly hooked his fingers into the sides of your light underwear and tugged them down, tossing them over his shoulder.

“Drugs? Me?” he joked dramatically, “well, I would never. I have never done anything illegal in my entire life! I am just as innocent as a little baby,” his eyes locked with yours as he ran his palm back up your leg until it met your bare core. When you let out a genuine laugh, he exclaimed, “oh, fuck, remind me to make you laugh one day when I’m inside of you, please, holy fuck would it feel incredible.”

“Well, I’m not gonna stop you if you wanna get I clearer picture-“ your giggle became more breathy as he sank his long middle finger into you, groaning at the way your joy made your walls clench down around him.

“Fuck,” he dove in head first, not being able to wait any longer, needing a taste. Growling something incoherent against your clit, your jaw hung loose, and you found one of Steve’s arms for support, digging your nails into it, surely leaving a few crescent marks in its wake.

Feeling Steve’s knuckles gently tilt your chin up in his direction, he kissed you, swallowing your moans on his tongue. Gradually rotating your upper body to face him more, it didn’t take long for Eddie to peak up, notice your twisted form, and then swiftly flip your hips around, detaching himself just for that moment before going back in.

Pulling your knees up under you, you felt Eddie's hands wrap around your hips. No, it wasn’t just his hands. He was basically hugging you, pulling your hips up and closer to his face.

Moving your sloppy kisses away from Steve’s sweet lips, with one hand he pulled his t-shirt over his head, and you started trailing your messy pecks down his neck, shoulder, chest, abdomen, and soon your nose was pressed into his happy trail, smiling as he tugged the rest of his layers off for you.

Smiling so hard that your face almost hurt, you wrapped your fingers around the thick length presented in front of your grin, but before you could do anything more, you felt two of Eddie’s fingers curl inside you, making your eyes roll and your back arch.

“Stick out your tongue baby,” you felt one of Steve’s hands run through your hair and the other join your right one at the base of his cock. Tapping his heavy dick on your outspread tongue, he sucked in a sharp breath, “Yeah, that’s my girl.”

Pulling away, you suddenly lost the toe-curling contact of Eddie's tongue and fingers. Getting back up, he just stared for a while, completely hypnotised, and leisurely took his dark clothes off.

As you began to swallow Steve whole, you felt a sharp whack hit your glimmering pussy and then a pair of hands yank your ass back up into position. “Fuck, you’re so wet,” Eddie moved in close, tapping the leaking head of his cock teasingly against your screaming clit. “Just begging for me to come in a play… would be so easy to just-” and he sank into you, causing you to moan filthily around Steve’s length. “Jesus fuck, yes!”

This was something straight out of a dream. They were both inside you, filling you up. Holy shit, the fact that this was actually real life made you feel like you were gonna pass out in the best way.

Rings digging into your skin, Eddie used your hips at first to fuck himself on you, effectively pulling your lips from Steve and letting your blissful sounds run free.

Blinking up at Steve, he reached down to cradle your face, moving close to kiss your cheek sweetly, “you like that, huh? You like the way Eddie feels inside of you?”

Sliding one hand down to palm your boobs, somewhat stopping the way Eddie's thrusts made them jiggle wildly, you whimpered, “y-yes.”

“Yeah, you do? Are you gonna cum?” he nuzzled his nose against yours, “cream all over his big dick, huh?”

As Eddie’s palm came down on your ass, all you did was nod and screw your eyes shut.

“There you go, there you go, baby, that’s it,” Steve smiled at your bliss.

Letting out a shaky breath, your knees didn’t just threaten to give out, but actually did when Eddie pulled out of your still quivering cunt. Flopping down on the mattress, the boys didn’t leave you lying there long before hugging you close and pulling you further up the bed, keeping you safe and warm in between them.

Keeping your eyes closed, you felt Steve’s stomach against your spine, making his breaths deliberately clear for you to copy.

“You good, Y/n?” Eddie scooted closer to you, kissing your nose.

“Yeah, I’m perfect,” you smiled, resting a hand on his chest, “just really r-… re-…”

“…Relaxed?” he suggested the word out brain was too fogged up to recall.

“Yes, relaxed…”

Lazily grinding into your backside, it almost felt accidental that Steve slipped inside of you at the moment he did, not that you were complaining, they gave you enough time and cuddles to coax your body back to them, making you starved for more.

Dipping his head down, Eddie buried his face in your tits, capturing one of the hard nipples between his teeth. You could feel him fucking his fist, being pressed all the way up against you, occasionally nudging the tip up against your sensitive clit.

“God, you’re so fucking cute!” Eddie squealed and nipped your boob.

“Being such a good girl for us,” Steve groaned in your ear, causing the hair on the back of your neck to stand up.

“Making all those gorgeous sounds,” Eddie chimed in, “you’d think you were the musician.”

Letting out a meek giggle, “you know I can’t sing for shit,” unintentionally clenching down on Steve’s cock in the process.

“Shit, you’re fucking choking me, baby,” he gasped, snaking his arms around your waist, hugging you tighter.

“Shut up,” Eddie jumped slightly, quickly forgetting about the comfort of your boobs, “shut up! I said I wanted to feel that!” his genuine eagerness and childlike jealousy only made your giggle evolve into an actual laugh, almost stopping Steve’s ramming completely.

“No, seriously dude, if you keep making her laugh like that, I’m gonna cum,” Steve pleaded.

One hand found Eddie’s face and you brought it down, first giving him a slow, soft kiss in a successful attempt at silencing the comment that was about to fly off his tongue, then when his mind was effectively melted, you reached down your other hand to help his feverish jerking, all the while still giving him the most tranquil of make outs.

Keeping his own fingers around the base, you stroked the rest of his length, rubbing the tip up against you, gathering more of your arousal and soaking his dick even more.

Feeling the high grow, you saw the edge of the cliff right there, you could taste it, you were so close. Steve’s size had long ago stopped being a surprise to you, but at this moment, this very moment, holy fuck did he stretch you out in the best fucking way, successfully making you see stars. Big dipper, little dipper, Orion's belt! All of the constellations, clear as day.

Trembling in between them, your head bowed down low, curling in on yourself as you cried out in pleasure.

Feeling in that exact moment Steve cum as well, he buried his face in the crook of your neck and filled you up, pumping against your throbbing walls.

It didn’t take long either for Eddie to follow suit, panting, you opened your eyes just in time to look down and see him paint your messy cunt his hot load.

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majaloveschris · 17 days

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That pic is cute but all I can see is when Chris wants to sell something he can, meaning, if people are questioning if his marriage and relationship are real yet we clearly can see he still shows affection to others while unknowingly being filmed, yet he struggles to do that with, the woman with the disappearing ring, when he’s being filmed knowingly and unknowingly, then there’s your truth people. 😎

Remember the park video when he wasn’t aware he was being recorded and his hand went in his pocket as she reached for it once she saw the lady filming them.

Remember the VF video of him seeing the camera and then pretending to be affectionate towards her.

Remember the VF video of him not knowing he’s being filmed and eyeing other women and then noticing the camera and trying to play it off.

Now we seem to have partially returned to the Chris we all came to know and love or he’s just relaxed as he’s in his element. But my thoughts are running rampant so…..let’s discuss.

If Chris was actually in this based on love and not some Hollywood pr, there’d be no questioning anything at least not to the extent it’s gone. There’d be no major plot holes. 🤭

If Chris was cool with said person in some Hollywood PR stunt, maybe things would be done more naturally like ….*cough* Taylor Swift and Travis. (Believe what ya want but I think they are PR and doing a damn good job of it) #TeamTT ❤️ 😂

Now back to Chris….if Chris was against this or the person involved regardless if he initially signed up for it or not, he would probably drag his feet if he couldn’t end things and boy would you lookie there, he’s been dragging his feet like hell even after claiming to be “married”. Meaning if Chris wanted us to believe this were legit, we wouldn’t be here discussing their bs over the past three years.

Imagine being a celeb and KNOWING people are online questioning you and your spouse’s marriage. If he truly loved or gave a damn about her, He’d have shut that down quick.

This is why I don’t bother arguing because in due time this is going to end, he’ll move on and once he’s in an actual relationship, the ones who currently think this is “real” will clearly see the stark contrast between Chris Evans in love vs Chris Evans in some Hollywood bullshit. I rest my case. 👩‍⚖️

They made a red carpet debut and all most could do was laugh. This fandom still rides for this man even when they are mad at him. Yes, this situation is stupid but man the jokes, the pure shade, the letting this girl know we aren’t buying what she’s tried and miserably failed to sell is Icing on the flipping cake!

👏

Also…..the flag mixup will never NOT be funny. 😂 GO LIBERIA!!!! 🇱🇷

Of course, he could sell this whole thing if he wanted to, but he just doesn't want to.

That park video says more than a thousand words. The fact that he didn't want to hold her hands and put his into his pockets when he thought no one was watching says a lot. They do everything for the camera. They are always trying to be sweet and all of that, but they can't keep up the act for so long, which we could see on the VF red carpet. Yeah, they tried playing the happy newlyweds when the camera was watching, when most of the time they were just standing next to each other and talking to other people.

As you said, there are a lot of plotholes. And I know people must be tired of me always bringing the wedding ceremony's location up, but that's my favorite example. Where was it? In Cape Cod? In his Boston-area home? Were the ceremony and party at two different locations? Different outlets mention different places and locations when this should be the easiest one to get, especially since these are all coming from "sources." The same goes for everyone who was at the wedding. Nobody saw them during that one year, yet now everybody is spotting them. Why are they saying they are private when they are putting out video dumps, are at different award shows, and call the paps on themselves?

I think most of the time, when it comes to celebrity couples, especially if one of them is not that well-known, the thought of them being PR is always there, and there will always be people who think certain couples are PR. I'm sure there were couples who were solely PR, and people didn't even figure it out because they were good at selling it. Maybe because they were comfortable around each other, and even if they weren't in love, they liked each other as people or even as friends. However, to me, their fake relationship lacks everything that would make it believable. I don't really think Chris thought this through, and I don't think he is capable of selling a relationship with someone he doesn't have feelings for. I don't necessarily mean "love" (in love with someone) here, but just love (liking the person as a friend, respecting them, wanting to be around them).

#majaloveschris #chris and alba pr #chris and alba relationship #cevans-love

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areyoudreaminof · 11 months

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Golden Hour: An Elucien Week Playlist

It's all come to this. To say I've been waiting on pins and needles for @elucienweekofficial is the biggest understatement. I spent months curating every song, beat, and lyric to best represent Elucien for Day 1: Mates.

SJM said that Elain was the person that she and Lucien didn't see coming, and that they would find "tension, growth, and healing," together. How great of a love story will that be? So for this playlist, I structured the 20 tracks around that narrative. Side A is the tension and Side B is healing and growth. Listen to it here! And come with me behind the cut for the lyrics. I hope this playlist inspires all of you to write, draw, create, and just jam.

Just Pretend-Bad Omens:

I know the pain That you hide behind the smile on your face And not a day Goes by where I don't think I feel the same So will you wait me out Or will you drown me out? I can wait for you at the bottom I can stay away if you want me to I can wait for years if I gotta Heaven knows I ain't getting over you

S P A C E-Amber Marks:

I know, it is hard to comprehend Why won’t, you let me be in my head? Alone, I need to be So don’t, straight up come walking in I tried, to warn you many times Now I, don’t want to start a fight But I, can’t go on this way So why, won’t you just give me some time?

Sunflower-Tamino :

Oh baby, don’t you notice me? Notice me, so ready to lose everything Everything for your love Every day I’m getting closer to you But you never answer my song I know love does not come easy Oh there must be someone who hears me

I Wanna Be Yours-Arctic Monkeys:

Let me be the portable heater That you'll get cold without I wanna be your setting lotion (Wanna be) Hold your hair in deep devotion (How deep?) At least as deep as the Pacific Ocean I wanna be yours Secrets I have held in my heart Are harder to hide than I thought Maybe I just wanna be yours

2AM-Foals:

It's 2am and I've gone and lost my friends But I can't sleep alone again No, I can't sleep alone, I just wanna go home And it's 2am again And all these years, I've been running from my fears But I can't sleep alone again And all my life, I've been looking for a light That I can't reignite again

It’s the nights When I keep you in my mind That I hoped that I'd be fine But I've started showing signs Of another late night Of another night time Oh, I hoped that you'd be mine

Old Stone-Laura Marling

Old stone Ten thousand years and you're still on your own Don't you love, don't you love me that way? And if you swear that you're alright I'm not gonna try and change your mind Because the same night I dream that I lose you I'll fall in love Oh, honey don't let me walk away from this If I'm trying to fuck up my own life Then until I figure out why I think it's best you keep your distance Lest I fall in love

1957-Milo Greene

The scent you wear moves in lines from your apartment into mine, You act like you don't know me My god you tempt my anxious mind, Takes me away, takes me away, takes me away

Shut Up, Kiss Me-Angel Olsen I could make it all disappear You could feed me all of your fears We could end all this pain right here We could rewind all of those tears I could take it down to the floor You don't have to feel it anymore A love so real that it can't be ignored It's all over, baby blue, I'm still yours

Spanish Sahara-Foals

Forget the horror here Leave it all down here It's future rust and it's future dust I'm the fury in your head I'm the fury in your bed I'm the ghost in the back of your head 'Cause I am

Waiting for You-The Aces

And I hope you know that I want you I've been sitting here waiting I've been waiting for you I've sent out invitations It's getting frustrating waiting for you I think you know, I'm waiting for you I'll take your hand and kiss your fingers So you don't have to break the ice No need for chill, just lose your filter I'm ready to dive in Melt the ice and just swim

Worship-Years and Years

Wanna be here tonight Wanna hide in your light Wanna cover my eyes I feel you reflecting me I worship all that you see

Just tell me how I can prove I'm the one for your fire And I'll take you higher I'll do it for you And you can worship me too

My My My! Troye Sivyan

Now, let's stop running from love Running from love Let's stop, my baby Let's stop running from us Let's stop, my baby Oh my, my, my I die every night with you Oh my, my, my Living for your every move

Butterflies-Kacey Musgraves

Kiss full of color makes me wonder where you've always been I was hiding in doubt 'til you brought me out of my chrysalis And I came out new All because of you

And now, you're lifting me up 'stead of holding me down Stealing my heart 'stead of stealing my crown Untangled all the strings 'round my wings that were tied I didn't know him and I didn't know me Cloud Nine was always out of reach Now, I remember what it feels like to fly

Cutty Love-Milo Greene

Time can over-complicate But darling I refuse to wait There's no way of planning For the fall All your paths will fade away Questions read by years in pain I can be the answer to it all

Even if your heart stops I'll be there to hold you up Even as the world turns I'll be there to watch the fire burn Burn us both alive

The Lamb You Lost-Jesca Hoop & Sam Beam

There is music in the sea And we swim into the sound Far adrift like I am free When your voice turns me around

Any heart could burst its shell Love is made for broken things Bring your hands to know me well Know my heart for what it sings

Moon in a tidal lock And I am born to love you

If It Feels Good, Then It Must Be-Leon Bridges

More than I choose to, I’m falling in love, And love I ain’t used to You give me that stuff No, I can’t refuse you You and I in the light, it’s alright Say you will, say you might If this is wrong, then nothing’s right See yourself like I do Oh, tonight looks good on you

Sunlight-Hozier

All the tales the same Told before and told again A soul that’s born in cold and rain Knows sunlight, sunlight, sunlight And at last can grant a name To a buried and a burning flame As love and its decisive pain Oh, my sunlight

Dog Years-Maggie Rogers

I spend my time daydreaming As sure as the sea It's just you and me Oh, and I'm the one that loves you

Come what may I'll still stay Inside your mind For all of time

Made to Love-John Legend

Oooh, I've never seen anything It's much more than you and me Extraordinary machine I was sent here for you We were made to love You were sent for me too We were made to love

Golden Hour-Kacey Musgraves

Baby, don't you know? That you're my golden hour The color of my sky You've set my world on fire And I know, I know everything's gonna be alright I used to get sad And lonely when the sun went down But it's different now 'Cause I love the light that I've found In you

I would not be here, writing or making playlists, were it not for Elucien. More importantly, were it not for Elucien, I wouldn't have met all of the wonderful people I now get to call my friends.

@acowarelucien @asnowfern @andrigyn @bookofmirth @bagelfyre @cursebrkr @c-e-d-dreamer @carmasi @damedechance @foundress0fnothing @iftheshoef1tz @melting-houses-of-gold @iheartfjords @krem-has-a-mess @kingofsummer93 @acourtdelaluna @lovingelucien @ofduskanddreams @mossytrashcan @octobers-veryown @panicatthenightcourt @reverie-tales @spell-cleavers @separatist-apologist @stickyelectrons @sunshinebingo @thelovelymadone @the-lonelybarricade @tuzna-pesma-snova @vulpes-fennec @velidewrites @wittyrejoinder @wilde-knight @yazthebookish @ineffable-resplendence @sideralwriting @ablogofbipanic @acourtdelaluna @foreverinelysian @filthyglamdoll @thesistersarcheron @ultadverb, @bellatrixship @potatocolada, @bennylavasbuns @lady-yenn @millameazza @acourtofthought

#elucien #elucienweek2023 #acotar playlist project #finally it's here!#Spotify

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moosemonstrous · 6 months

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I never write in the second person, but it seemed to fit, so 🤷

Ghost Rider Pacific Rim AU - Yegor Ivanov's edition

Say, you're in charge of security on a large, well-appointed quasi-military base housing twenty thousand people - mostly J-techs and their families, but also a sizeable assortment of soldiers, scientists, medical staff, relief workers and support crew. It's the most stable job you've ever had. The general populace is just so grateful for the giant robots you deploy to fight the ever-nastier demons crawling out of The Breach, you barely have to pay any attention to actual security part of it. Your subordinates haven't reported a single issue they couldn't deal with themselves in years. The eggheads fight between each other to secure your approval. You have the respect of the international leaders for keeping Hong-Kong off of their priority list. Somehow, in this beautiful, messed up world you managed to carve yourself out an existence most people can only dream of.

And you got there by making a hard decision once, ten years ago. Eli Morrow was a dangerous psychopath and once his usefulness ran its course, it was your responsibility to put him down. Sometimes, one man has to pull the trigger for the good of the many, and that day you pulled the trigger. Figuratively. It was a regrettable situation, but you don't really regret it, because you gave Eli every chance under the sun to pull himself together.

You said it broke your heart, to see what he did to his brother, but secretly you were relieved. You've done many terrible things together, before the monsters stopped being just men in a different uniform. You had a good handle on Eli for so long, you almost forgot that rabid dogs will bite their master's hand given half a chance. If it hadn't been poor Alberto, it would've been you.

You didn't believe for a second Beto's kids turned up on base purely by accident. Call it fate, or karma, or whatever you want, you can't pretend seeing a mirror image of a young Eli in your own damn hangar doesn't strike a chord deep in your chest. It's not a pleasant sensation.

You have no idea what their mother told them - she was smart enough to get out before all hell came loose, so maybe she was also smart enough to keep her mouth shut. The younger one is a non-issue, at least. You forgot he had the--the whatsit, some condition the medical was working on, the hook you had on the Reyeses to keep them on base. You should dig into the files, see if the same hook will work on the older one.

And you need all the hooks you can think of, because you fucked up. You panicked and figured, well, he doesn't know his old man's jaeger is a goddamn death trap kept only because it would be more expensive to take it apart. He doesn't know it killed every recruit to ever step a foot in it. And he's as sentimental as his father was, all wide-eyed at the sight of the machine making up a good portion of your nightmares.

Only Robbie Reyes is a little too much like his uncle, too, because he doesn't. Fucking. Die.

The whole K-Sci department is very excited, of course. The techs aren't. You should've timed yourself better, made sure Canelo and the rest of the old guard were off-shift when you brought Robbie to The Charger. Now they're watching your hands and lowering their voices whenever you step into the hangar. You can't make the problem disappear without someone starting to ask questions. You need to be smarter than that.

If you can't get rid of him, you must learn to control him. He's no Eli Morrow - and you kept a lid on that can of worms for nearly a decade, from boot camp through black ops to TJP. One scowling teenager is nothing. He needs a strong hand and a little misdirection, that's all.

He watches you too, though. Like he already knows. He can't--can he? How? Who would've told him?

That broken eye of his is tripping you up, that's all. A strong hand, and a promise of medical support for the younger one - you will have him asking 'how high' before the next demon is due.

Besides, piloting jaegers is such a dangerous job. Anything could happen out in the sea. You can live through another regrettable loss. You don't think you can live through whatever Robbie Reyes is planning when he looks at you like that.

#Ghost Rider Pacific Rim AU #Yegor Ivanov #robbie reyes #Meanwhile Robbie’s internal monologue consists of 'oh my god is it schizophrenia' on a loop

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snarky-wallflower · 2 days

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for those who are lost at sea

Word Count: 2106

Hershey, sometimes I can barely get out of bed. Sometimes the only thing fueling me is the fact that my Satellite will save so many people like my father. That no one will ever be stranded out in the ocean, that deep blue sea that's deeper than any expanses of space to me. That no one will ever have to watch their father sink into those depths-- swallowed entirely. Watch him disappear, know that he didn't know his place in the world when he died. OR A letter Nova never sent to Hershey.

(A plaque, found at the Smithsonian National Museum of American History:

A LETTER FROM DAME ANNA HANOVER, TO SIR JOHN HERSCHEL

September 1834

Measures 11 inches by 5 inches, 4 pages. Written using a black fountain pen (see exhibit 4), on parchment paper.

This letter contains words from Dame Anna Hanover, seemingly never sent to her friend, Sir John Herschel, while he worked at The Cape of Good Hope. It is one of the only records we have on just why she decided to build the Satellite, a peek into the mind of a true scientific genius. It goes over her deep friendship with her scientific equal, and talks of her history previous to the Satellite’s construction.)

Dear Hershey,

I can’t sleep. I’m writing because I hardly know what else to do about it.

I know, I know–that’s hardly new for either of us, isn’t it? I remember when we used to take turns hauling each other off to sleep in university. Telling each other that the exams could wait, that we would fail either way if we were falling asleep in the middle of the lessons. You used to get this constipated expression as I had to tug at your coat in order to get you to rest. I’m half-convinced you still do—what I would give to have a portrait of it! It truly was a ridiculous look.

I suppose we both knew we’d never stop. But that didn’t mean we couldn’t get each other to take care of ourselves.

I’m not with you, and I am awake. And since I cannot speak with you late into the night, distracting myself from such things, I must do the next best thing. I may not get your wry comments, or your half-laugh when I say something witty, or the way your brow furrows as you think over a problem I have proposed. All I have right now is this pen, and memories of those times.

So, how is the Cape of Good Hope? How does your map of the stars fare? Do they invite you to those ridiculous parties there, all those stuffed shirts that hold our funding in their pockets? I don’t miss those parties. Honestly, you getting this project so far away truly has saved my soul there–

Oh.

Oh, I don’t–I don’t know if I can continue pretending as if everything is normal. Even if only in a letter. My mind is a whirlwind, Hershey, and the only thing that even partially calms it is these words. Writing down, documenting what exactly has happened to me.

I know exactly why I can’t sleep, and I just–

(The words become illegible here, through heavy scribbles.)

Damn it.

I don’t plan to send this, so what should I care about here? It’s nothing but throwing my feelings into the void? I need to write this down, to say something about this before I scream aloud.

Tonight was the anniversary of my Father’s death.

And it was a day like any other.

I didn’t even realise until halfway through the day. I was so caught up in checking the flywheels, making sure the bricks were not crumbling. Organising the workers, because you know I don’t rest when it comes to that. Tasks I’d completed a thousand times over, a steady routine. We’re still relatively well-staffed, so I was mostly just checking over work, encouraging the bricklayers.

But, while I was in my place in the Township, I saw the sea from my window.

I saw the waves swirling and rippling, and felt my heart freeze, icy seawater seeming to wave over my heart.

I was thrown back to all those years ago. I feel I must have gone light-headed, as a thousand memories of that day burned through my mind in an instant. I don’t even remember the next couple of minutes–by the time I came back to myself, I was gasping on the chair of my room, trying to get back steady breath.

I didn’t get much more work done after that.

It’s been seventeen years and yet, I still feel my heart sink and sway whenever this day comes around, when I remember just how long it’s been.

That’s why I’m writing this letter. After all, I ran out of tequila a couple of days ago, and haven't bothered to replenish it.

I miss you. I know why you’re gone, and I know that I can run this project by myself. That’s not why I need you. You’ve called me indomitable, and I know I live up to that. I don’t lie to myself, Hershey. The project is working, and every day I grow closer to seeing that new Polaris brightening the night sky.

Instead, I miss having someone I could truly talk to. Spend hours speaking on the stars, on celestial astrophysics, on just how far we still have to go. On old memories of university, of those horrible parties we were both forced to attend, but made bearable simply by your presence. I miss being able to talk about my grief, even if I’ve never been brave enough to tell you its full extent.

Who else is there to tell?

Because I certainly cannot speak to Charles about such things! That man hates everyone and everything in this place. I swear, every time I’m left alone with him, I grow closer to knocking him over the head with one of my heavier books. If I hear him muttering about Americans one more time—

Ugh, I’m getting off track. Perhaps I would rather focus on something else, but these feelings will consume me if I let them. So I cannot do anything but write.

I work above everyone else here. While I may be friendly, this is not the sort of thing you can tell a casual friend. My grief fuels me, just as it makes it harder to truly function some days. How do you explain that? Even with science on my side, I’ve never been able to say all of it aloud.

God.

I think that's the deepest blow of them all. I had to watch his eyes lose their light, his confidence replaced by fear and confusion. He had always known where to go, what to do, what next to say–but did he, really? Or is that just a child’s fantasy? A little girl’s dream, believing that her father would never falter?

I’ve lived so much longer without him than I did with him.

He’ll never know the woman I became. He’ll never know that I never abandoned my dream of the sciences, never fell for a man. He’ll never get the chance to truly know me, because I wasn’t even fully formed when I lost him. I was still becoming, still changing–and yet, he died only knowing a version of me that quite possibly no longer exists. Every time I think about it too long, Hershey, I swear it’s like I’m adrift again, the waves crashing over my small form. Being stabbed with blades of seawater.

I do this all for him, and he will never know it. He will never know the woman his daughter became. I believe that he would have still loved me, still cared for me. But I’ll never know for sure, will I?

Sometimes, I wake up and I'm back on that sea. Clinging to that driftwood like it's my only tether to the world. I was just as lost as my father, really. I was just the one who got to survive. Kicking, kicking, kicking, frantically trying to move towards a land that I wasn't quite sure existed.

I nearly gave up, Hershey. I was a child. Not even a decade past of life, having just lost–my world. My everything. I had nothing but my books, my father, and his crew - a life spent at sea, sailing the Caribbean, gone forever. Before that night, I believed that the sea was a home. That the waves would never overwhelm me, that they’d always bring me back to shore safely.

I’ll never be that little girl again. There’s a reason I bring navigation gear everywhere, you know. …well, of course you don’t know. Sorry, Hershey.

Every day, I wonder how I found the strength to survive it. You don't know how tight of a grip exhaustion can have on your heart, swirling around your skull, lulling you into letting go of everything you know. Until everything you have ever loved is gone in one storm. Those who are lost, never found again.

But even as a child, I didn’t want to let myself be lost.

I would not let Father's sacrifice be in vain.

Not then. Not ever.

So I fought against the sea for weeks. I had my own personal battles with the waves, clinging to that driftwood like it was my Eden. I fell asleep, woke again gasping for air, fighting against tides roaring above my head. Even after so long, those memories don’t fade. I remember them as vividly as they were yesterday…even as my father’s laugh and voice fades from that same memory. Seawater tastes so bitter on your tongue, your blood racing up and down your veins as you scream into the stars, your voice going unheard for thousands of miles. Even writing this down makes me want to shudder.

Now, it still makes little sense to me. It makes even less sense to me knowing more about the world. I should have died of hunger, of thirst, of lack of sleep. That risk should have killed me a thousand times, a child fighting against too much to bear. But I suppose even back then, the woman I would become, the indomitable Anna Hanover had started to emerge.

That little girl survived, making it to shore. Only I remain of the Hanovers.

My father is gone.

But I will make his legacy live on. I will make it so that no one is never lost at sea, unsure of where they are in the world ever again. So that no children have to struggle against the sea, too tired and afraid to yet get to mourn.

It is a vow I’ve made over and over, and one I will continue to make.

God, it truly is late, isn’t it? I don’t know if as many of these words would have left me otherwise. My hand aches, the ink running low. I suppose I’ll have to replenish it in the morning. Add another task to the neverending pile.

Anyways. I doubt I'll send this.

But maybe one day I will.

Maybe one day this letter will be meaningless, because I will have said all of this in person to you.

But I don't–Hershey, I just don’t know. Imagine. Me, not knowing something. Not being able to talk about something! You know better than anyone just how much I can go on and on. It's heavy, this grief. It's been over fifteen years now, and I don't think the load has gotten any easier to carry. Father’s memory is the reason why my life’s work exists, after all. My grief and old love for him weigh on me almost as heavy, if not heavier than my Satellite.

Given how much I care for you, I wonder if I’ll ever be able to share my truth on these matters. If not you, then who? I may take lovers, may have friends—but you have been my dearest person for so long. You have gotten me through so much, been my friend so long, and yet the words die whenever I think of trying.

Good night, Hershey. I think I’ll try to sleep now. My eyes grow weary, and my hands shake. After all, I need to be up rather early tomorrow in order to . Sleep may be hard to come by. Perhaps it will come easier after baring my soul in this letter.

A woman can only hope.

I hope that wherever you are, your night has been more peaceful, more filled with stars, than mine.

Your friend,

NOVA

#anna hanover #sir john herschel #pulp musicals #anna hanover's father #snarky's fic #i just have so many feelings about anna #so many

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veryace-ficrecs · 7 months

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Luffy and The Strawhat Pirates Fic Recs

This list will include all ratings and tags, so read at your own discretion! :)

Humble Refusal by LyraMae - Rated G

The Straw-Hats had all been offered something that, years ago, they’d accept in a heartbeat. But now, they have a different answer. “Sorry," they all grinned. "But we already have a captain.”

blow my blues away by LadyCrimsonAndBlack - Rated T

It's surprisingly hard to get arrested for being a pirate when you're chaotic enough to commit half a dozen crimes at the same time. (Or: The Strawhats keep getting arrested for literally everything except piracy.

A Thousand Steps to Home by MelodramaticCoffeeAddict - Not Rated

It really was an accident. Sanji swears. He didn't do this to Zoro on purpose. But the damn marimo has no respect for women. And Sanji didn't know he was holding a magic, wish granting stone. So, when he yelled “I wish someone would would have taught you some manners as a kid, you shitty kelp head”, he hadn’t expected anything to happen. Certainly not Zoro to keel over and disappear inside his own clothing. Or Zoro is suddenly four and Sanji finds they have a lot more in common than he ever dreamed.

What's Mine by Shizuku749 - Rated T

-Post-Whole Cake Island.- Sanji's been upset since his Wanted poster updated to 'Vinsmoke' two days ago. So when Luffy suggests they make the Marines change it back, well...predictably, all hell breaks loose. But Sanji wouldn't have it any other way. After all, he thinks, cracking his fiercest grin, this is the family he chose.

Of Toy Tigers and Parades by taizi - Not Rated

In which Sanji's not as much of a jerk as he pretends to be, and Luffy's really, really easy to please.

The Many Marriages of the Straw Hat Pirates by LadyCrimsonAndBlack - Rated G

There are a lot of strange traditions to be found on the Grand Line. Sometimes, the Straw Hats get caught up in them. (Or: The Straw Hats get married to each other. Repeatedly.)

Calendars and Kings by taizi - Rated T

"When I was little, all the other kids got treats and candies on my birthday too, so I didn't know it was special for me. Ace always said it was, but I thought that was just 'cause he was my big brother. I thought that since it was already a holiday, it didn't count!"

the communal currency of humanity by blueh - Rated G

“How did Luffy get someone like you to join the crew?” “He blackmailed me.” Nami’s expression morphs into something that Zoro can’t quite describe and it takes all of his willpower not to laugh and how perplexed she seems. “Luffy blackmailed……you.” “With my swords at a marine base." "There are so many things wrong with that sentence." also known as: the strawhats exchange stories of their wild captain and their wild adventures

your love is sunlight by SoccerSarah01 - Rated G

He shoots his arms out and brings everyone into a hug. “I have the best crew in the world!” Luffy exclaims happily. “Luffy- not across the table, you dumbass! Now we’re all dirty!" “Shishishishi!” And Luffy laughs, and laughs, because he really is the luckiest guy on the planet. - (Or: Luffy really, really loves his crew, and makes sure they know it.)

#veryace recs #one piece #monkey d. luffy #roronoa zoro #black leg sanji #one piece nami #ussop one piece #soul king brook #jinbei #nico robin #franky #tony tony chopper #ao3 fic recs #fanfic recs #ao3

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mako-neexu · 9 months

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sorry...begu of jp fandom works are too good... i have to say my thoughts..!!

The girl who is the Last Master of Pan-human history and the Insect of the Abyss, Winter Prince and Great Liar of the recent short story of Kairi. I love their dynamic in this story too much. Fujimaru Ritsuka is a Master. Oberon wanted to destroy the 'Last Master of Panhuman history in his own way. That title alone entails to many things...such as concern for her 'first time', her body, her mind, and her future.

And Oberon saw all this in the short work. Her fear of her first time being taken instead by monsters and other creatures that would leave her scarred more than she already is, her thinking of Oberon having to take it instead being the better option, her habits and her skill of learning fast, no doubt because of her experience, her body that she was conscious of, to which oberon only stroked her scars which ritsuka only smiled and laughed because his silent response instead of saying something that will twist his words with his curse.

Ahhh I also really loved that part where when he touches her chest, its not automatically linked to sexual feelings...rather, she was so used to medical exams that the sensitivity was different. And that links to her experience as Master of Chaldea. And his goal for that night was to destroy her. Reduce her to a 'woman' and a person named Fujimaru Ritsuka. Not some grand hero with the title of Last Master of Panhuman History. And that angered him so much!!! It was disgusting!!! He wanted to break that mask!! And erase the pressure of being Master in her eyes.

I love that detail of covering them both with a blanket. To trap Fujimaru Ritsuka in before she could slip away from his grasp and be replaced with nothing but Master. It's too much. I like it too much... I also love seeing her express fear but not for taking her 'first time' but fear for falling into pleasure and letting go of the role of 'Master'. Too good!!!! Also the aphrodisiac made should have affected her severely or should have broken her, but the 'Master' was still there. Seeing through Oberon so easily with his actions, calling him a bad person yet someone who was kind at the same time. Even after he finished inside her, the brillance of her golden eyes didn't fade. Like a star in the night.

At Mike's tavern, to see him surprised is too good!!!AHHH!!! You haven't broken the Master yet. She will pretend in front of others no matter what. As long as she breathes, as long as she is alive, even if she was defiled, the 'Master' will perfectly play her part in the stage. With that 'Master' as the leading actor because that was what everyone wanted and needed, the woman who was 'Fujimaru Ritsuka' would slowly disappear from his reach.

www Page six...the moment of realization was the best. After that, was even more "best" than ever. I'm sorry I loved the story too much. The dream that Oberon sees is where he realizes he and Ritsuka are the same. He was the one who had been waiting for thousands of years, waiting for a human to defeat Cernunnos even before the prophecy. The realization of her having her own abyss match his, her as a destroyer of worlds, his predecessor even... Them having the same 'role'. Fujimaru Ritsuka who could fully understand Oberon, just as Oberon fully understood her. This girl who had to keep going forward in the vast expanse of snow with nothing to rest on nor warm herself with, this girl who was bloodied, this girl who no longer has a place in proper human history. His realization of his feelings for her was the best. His realization that he has someone like him made both me and him happy. www I have more feelings but i have to stop here www

#fgo #fate grand order #fujimaru ritsuka #guda #gudako #oberon vortigern #obeguda

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fallen-in-dreams · 10 months

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Wide Awake At 3 A.M.

Also on AO3. Pairing: Sasuke/Hinata. Summary: Sasuke didn't believe in fate but serendipity seemed to be working overtime when she walked back into his life. Written for SasuHinaMonth 2023 on tumblr. Prompt: Day 27 | "I’ve loved you for a thousand years, I’ll love you for a thousand more.” Rated: T. Words: 9,245. Status: Complete. Author note: I love SasuHina. I don't love writing Sasuke's POV. I think I write SasuHina better from Hinata's perspective. But this had to be Sasuke's perspective so please bare with me. I did my best to make him IC/relatable, even though it's AU. Let me know if I succeeded. :) Also: The italic sections are flashbacks. But don't worry, they're not long sections. For the record: Yotsuya Uemura is a real restaurant but I've only seen it on Google so I don't know if it 100% matches how I describe it here so just pretend it does, okay? Enjoy. ^_^ Tags on AO3: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Coffee Shop AU, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Light Romance, Romance, POV Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Sasuke-centric, Pining, Pining Uchiha Sasuke, Unrequited Love, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Sasuke has it bad, Past Hyuuga Hinata/Uzumaki Naruto, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending

It's late but before the cut-off time, for SasuHinaMonth 2023. Thank-you to @sasuhinamonth for the amazing fest and the chance to write for it. :) .

It was a dreary November morning when Sasuke Uchiha had realised that he was in love with Hinata Hyuuga.

The red-crowned cranes were enjoying the winter in the nearby marshes, visible to the hundreds of students at Konoha High School, the beautiful display of their black and white plumage blending in with the falling snow. The setting was perfect. It was beautiful. Sasuke liked winter best, despite being born in summer. And maybe in spite of it. It was a dreary reminder of the angsty, emo boy within. It was also the only thing worth paying attention to at the school.

Until he started paying attention to her.

She was his best friend’s girlfriend. Hinata had stalked Naruto for years, hiding behind poles and doors and teacher’s desks to avoid being seen; and everyone except for the dobe saw knew she was doing it. All throughout elementary school she was a ghost to the blond idiot; the shadow he saw in the corner of his eye that disappeared the moment he turned around. The sound of a thump, indicating she’d fainted was the only evidence she’d been there because he was too stupid to investigate further.

The three years of middle school went very much the same except Hinata didn’t hide so well anymore. Naruto finally noticed her. She would “eep” and faint again and he just chalked it up to her being the weird kid he’d never understand. He thought she was new to their school so he cut her a break. Having been Naruto’s friend since neither of them could walk, Sasuke could only roll his eyes at his obliviousness.

Then came high school and everything changed. Something had happened during the holidays because, come April, she had grown a spine. She still looked light-headed in Naruto’s presence but didn’t faint. She started talking; responding with small, stuttering sentences when he turned his bright, obnoxious personality on her. She was a person to him now. More than just weird.

Sasuke however, was content to just keep seeing her as the annoying girl who liked the even more annoying boy. Until the annoying people started dating and Naruto began including Hinata in their everyday activities, whether it had anything to do with her or not. He hated it at first but like an extra slice of tomato on his fried egg breakfast, she grew on him. She was a person and had likes and dislikes and hobbies and things that made her laugh or cry. He began to enjoy her voice and found himself looking forward to school. And like the red-crowned cranes that grazed in the freshwater marshes next door to their high school, Hinata became a thing of beauty in Sasuke’s eyes. By virtue of existing in an area that he couldn’t ignore.

And he both loved and hated her for it. Strong feelings were never a good thing, in any direction. Itachi had long since told him that their family had a history of letting emotions rule their lives. It was best to keep them away from the world - Sasuke's words, not his brother's. But there was only so much he could contain and control when it came to her.

And he was the selfish bastard who let it ruin everything.

.:.

Sasuke Uchiha was having multiple problems.

First problem: the hole-in-the-wall cafe he normally frequented at this time of night had closed down without warning for the foreseeable future. It had been the perfect place to hole up in for a few hours while he worked on his laptop, earphones in and fingers dancing over the keyboard. Quiet, no-one staring at him, and with waiters who respected his personal space. Company policy allowed him to stay and work as long as he made it worth their time. Now, he wasn't so sure about this new place.

Second problem: it had taken him the better part of two hours to find this newer restaurant his good-for-nothing friends had recommended to him over WhatsApp after he'd ranted calmly about the predicament, in true Uchiha style. He officially hated that app. His night was wasted walking up alleyways and hopping on buses, with the presumption of a second coming of the holy hole-in-the-wall cafe. Wasted.

Third problem: this new cafe was less hole-in-the-wall and cosy, and more ostentatious with fake wholesomeness. The promise had been for a quiet, out-of-the-way, old-fashioned service. The reality was anything but, at first glance. It was definitely off the beaten path, but he wouldn’t describe it as peaceful or discreet in any way. It made his eye twitch.

Fourth problem: he had nowhere else to go at such short notice and lots of work to catch up on.

The neon signs above the restaurant leered down at him and he did not want to go in there. He wanted to go home, put his feet up, drink his instant coffee and procrastinate as a form of protest. But the sensible side of him had Sasuke moving forward slowly, reminding himself that he couldn't keep putting this particular project. It needed to get done. So what if this restaurant wasn’t the cute little traditional Japanese hole-in-the-wall (or even a sushi or ramen stall) in the middle of bustling Tokyo that he had been promised? He told himself it didn't matter that it was high-end and in the middle of bustling Tokyo. He tried in vain to ignore that it was mocking him; lights blinked at him and he scowled at the ugly sight and he couldn't look more out of place in his casual, everyday clothes. He was surprised a butler-like person hadn't run out to shoo him away.

But this place was the last food establishment along the palisades of this busy Tokyo area that was still seating patrons (the rest were packed to the rafters), and if he went home now it would take over an hour. By the time he got home, Sasuke would be too exhausted to work. It would be annoying. Even more than actually stepping into this poor excuse for a hideaway. Sasuke debated the pros and cons over and over again for a moment before allowing himself to be carried by the line of people waiting to be seated. Decision reluctantly made, Sasuke hugged his four thousand yen Vaio laptop to his chest, waiting his turn to be seated. It looked like the kind of place that required an appointment and a line of lawyers to get in, but a sign to the left distinctly said otherwise. He guessed they would reach their occupancy limit soon and he’d be turned away.

Please turn me away.

It would remove any responsibility on himself to make the decision on whether or not to keep walking forward. He checked his wristwatch as the line moved forward again. It was just after midnight. He sighed, swallowing his anxiety as the hostess bowed to the middle-aged couple in front of him and then extended her arm to them to take their seats.

Last chance to make a break for it.

He really was being a drama queen, but Sasuke couldn't help it. He forced himself to calm down and accidentally caught the stare of the hostess. Her soft but excited voice called over to him a moment later and he stepped forward once more.

"Irasshaimase!"

The restaurant hostess bowed respectfully before looking at him properly. Her double-take, which she covered up with a light cough and a fake smile, made Sasuke’s eye twitch. Again.

Don’t tell me…

“Mr Uchiha?”

Don’t they teach manners in this place?

The woman's face looked flushed with excitement. She’d recognised him. Even without an entourage or sign above his head, Sasuke Uchiha was easily identifiable as such. It was why he preferred quieter places and dark corners. There it was; it was either a stomach ache or an ulcer. It churned inside of him and he winced. The Mr Uchiha title always made him think of his father. He loathed being recognised for his family. He was no longer the idiotic teenager who got off on it. Nursing heartbreak and lashing out had turned him into an arsehole who flaunted his superiority. But not anymore. The way the hostess was raking his body with her eyes was both unprofessional and unwelcome.

Someone behind Sasuke cleared their throat. He was holding up the line. Or rather, she was. Sasuke still had two choices: neither or which would have a happy ending.

What would Itachi do?

He’d be polite and suffer for a few hours to make others feel better.

Idiot.

Sasuke sighed deeply, nodded to the hostess, and grimaced at her juvenile reaction. “Table for one, please. Work table, out of the way.”

Hopefully, she got the hint he’d pay extra for it if necessary. Seemingly gathering herself and remembering she was on the clock, the hostess nodded and bowed again, extending her arm the way she’d done for the couple before him. She took the lead this time, however, making him cringe outwardly again. The table she chose was everything he’d wanted it to be and he offered her a small smile in gratitude. Thankfully, she didn’t make a big deal of it this time, giving him a much shorter once-over before politely leaving him alone.

His table was almost like a cubicle which suited him just fine. From ramen restaurants to Yakitori and Kare Raisu, he’d tried all the ones that Tokyo had to offer. All the good ones anyway. No matter the setup, privacy was always his top priority. He settled down, placing his laptop on the table and his bag on the chair next to him, leaving space for food and a drink. Already his mind was going over the project he had to finish tonight; Sasuke had a few hours before the final bus of the night would be running through these parts. But if he had any trouble, an Uber wouldn't be a problem. Not preferable, but not really a problem.

But first things first.

There were waitresses taking orders as well as a front counter but Sasuke didn't want to deal with either one of them and instead chose to use the QR code on the table to order on his phone. The first time he’d heard of this method of ordering it had kind of freaked him out initially, but since it would help him avoid having to interact with a potential fangirl masquerading as a professional waitress (for longer than necessary, anyway) or stand behind people or in front of someone with no respect for his personal space he would do it. It cut out the middleman, so to speak, and allowed him to get down to the important business of the night.

As he waited, Sasuke woke up his laptop and opened Atom. After about five minutes, and as expected, his drink came first. Sasuke always wondered about this; was the drink delivered first to keep the customer from leaving during the extended wait time for the food or so that when he did finally eat, he would feel compelled to order another drink to wash it down with? Or some combination of both?

The sounds of the restaurant blurred into the background and became white noise as Sasuke worked, glasses on and eyes glued to the CSS Script. He only knew it only took forty-five minutes for his meal to be delivered because he checked the time before and after. When the Okonomiyaki was finally placed in front of him and the aroma invaded his senses his stomach growled. Sasuke nodded to the waitress as she bowed to him, a slight tinge of pink on her cheeks before leaving with a Cheshire grin on her face. He just rolled his eyes. Sasuke had just finished cutting up his Okonomiyaki, preparing to eat it with chopsticks in one hand so he could continue working when something familiar caught his eye.

He didn't believe in fate but serendipity seemed to be working overtime tonight.

His heart was racing, belied by the calm on his face as he almost choked on his saliva. Sasuke coughed a few times before reaching to down the last of his ice water. He cleared his throat and looked back over at Hinata Hyuuga. Even after the passage of all these years, he would recognize that long dark hair of hers anywhere (even tied back in the mandatory style for workers of this restaurant). This entire time, in the corner of his eye, and in another seated area, had been an achingly familiar form; those slim but not stick-skinny hips with legs that rested with knees turned slightly inward, and breasts that screamed for attention without being obnoxiously in his face. Yes, he remembered the curves and the tones of the body that came with being from a martial arts enthusiastic family.

The one he'd fantasised about like a love-sick puppy when his hormones still ruled his life.

He inhaled deeply, absentmindedly stabbing his Okonomiyaki with the end of a chopstick, then let his breath out in a shuddering sigh. The sweet, innocent face that had haunted his dreams until he'd succeeded in forcing his school memories into a mental box labelled "do not open, even in the event of an apocalypse" was turned to a customer but he could still clearly spot the trademark lavender-white Hyuuga eyes. They lit up with her smile.

Sasuke didn't care that it was unbecoming of him and continued to stare as he inattentively picked at the Okonomiyaki before grabbing a bite-sized portion of the now-diced savoury dish and shoving it in his mouth. The cursor at the end of the last line of code he typed blinked at him. He ignored it. And he paid no attention to the fact that his glasses had slid down his nose an inch; they were for reading on a computer screen and had made the near-distant objects fuzzy, which he blamed for not having noticed her sooner.

Her presence begged more questions than he was willing to ask himself. But at the very least, what the fuck was the oldest daughter of Hiashi Hyuuga doing working in the service industry? It was beneath the uptight clan. He knew Hinata was not stuck up like her father but surely there were more Hyuuga-like jobs she could do? He remembered a girl who was determined to follow her own path but constantly worried about disappointing her father. Sasuke had presumed she'd find something that filled both desires. Not that there was anything wrong with the retail and hospitality industries. He'd had his own stint in them, so he knew they weren't the jobs of losers like his own father had kept saying years ago.

I'm just very confused how she got here.

This was not a future she'd contemplated and he'd know: she'd once spent an afternoon indulging Naruto in the topic when the blond idiot was whining about having failed the standardised test to get into the university of his choice. She's humoured him with all the alternative career paths, and this wasn't one they'd decided on. But that was life, he guessed, even though it made him painfully curious as to why she wasn't working as one of the many father-approved ideas she'd mentioned as she'd apparently planned.

Sasuke’s stomach churned and did somersaults as he watched her, unable to look away.

What is she doing here?

Sasuke cleared his throat and shook his head, forcing himself to look away; though she was still there in his peripherals and his traitorous eyes desperately soaked her in, from afar. He tried to focus on his work, finishing off the black coffee he'd ordered, to wash down the Okonomiyaki he'd consumed without realising during his staring spell.

I'm as bad as those fangirls.

He tried, he really did. But nothing was working. Sasuke couldn't stop wondering about her. He hadn’t thought of Hinata in a long while. Years. No, not in a long time. He’d successfully purged her from his thoughts. From his wants. From his needs. Buried her down in his mind, underneath the childhood trauma and repressed heartbreak. It had been almost like a breakup; Sasuke had gone through a period of emotional upheaval and consumed hobbies and alcohol in order to forget her. He’d moped and sulked and all those cliche things, in his own way. She was behind him, and not in the way he wanted her to be.

Sasuke had been on the road to recovery and was able to put that part of his life into a locked box in his head.

Until now.

Maybe she didn’t remember him. Maybe he could finish his work and she’d never even seen him. One could only hope it would be that easy. But no. He couldn’t risk it. He had to leave. Sasuke almost packed up his stuff and left right then and there. He had no desire to play catch-up after all this time. To hear about how good things had been since she'd lived her life with the dobe. Jealousy burned in his gut and he grabbed the carry bag for his laptop by the straps, clenching his fist over it tightly. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to force the old but familiar feelings away. He'd done such a good job at ignoring them for so long. How could he possibly have predicted this strong of a reaction after all these years? Weren't high school love interests meant to dwindle over the years? Why the fuck did he still feel this way?

His self-flagellation was interrupted by an angelic sound. Her laughter. The melodic sound drifted over to his table and he paused. His heart was racing once more and his hands were clammy. Even now, five years later, he was still such a sucker for her. Where was the dobe? Had they married? Did he even want to know? There was a reason he didn't know. He remembered Hinata as a stuttering but determined, beautiful mess. But now, looking at her confidently interacting with strangers like she was born to it, he felt a warmth spread through his body. It wasn’t the coffee working its way through his system. This was different.

And it doesn't even matter. She wouldn't care.

Resigning himself to the inevitable, Sasuke packed up his laptop and left the restaurant without looking back. Except for that moment when he could've sworn she was looking around as if just realising she'd forgotten something. She didn't see him pause and gaze at her one last time. But those distinctive eyes seemingly searched for him anyway. In his dreams.

He hadn’t seen her since high school. He was never supposed to see her ever again.

.:.

Nobody ever accused Sasuke Uchiha of being magnanimous, sweet, or kind-hearted in any way. They didn’t confuse him for his brother no matter how much they might look alike. While Itachi was off helping the local homeless center and being the perfect Uchiha heir, Sasuke was smoking pot - or whatever had been shoved under his nose this week - and availing himself of his fangirls. Everyone came to assume he was the troubled child who acted out because he didn't get the attention from his parents that he wanted. Nobody ever accused him of being fair and altruistic to others.

Except her.

She got in his head. Hinata Hyuuga thought that because he was Naruto’s best friend that he should be hers as well. She was adamant but gentle in her attempts to woo him into her good graces. As though friendship was the most wonderful thing in the world. He wasn't an arsehole, not really. Sasuke had a heart. He just kept it hidden away. As far as he was concerned, getting emotional was embarrassing. It was for children . So pushing her away wasn't just about avoiding spending time with the girlfriend of his best friend, who he happened to be in love with, but also to keep himself from doing anything stupid.

He thought he could do it. It only took him a year to fall in love. They had two more years of high school left together. He had to do it. His father would never understand why he had to switch schools so suddenly. He wouldn't care. It would be unthinkable. Rumours, lies, or truth, would follow him and make Fugaku look bad. He was not an understanding nor forgiving man. Sasuke had to pretend: for his own sanity. Hinata was his new best friend.

So he let her greet him at the bus stop after school. He let her hug him "hello" her breasts pressing up against him every time. And on the rainy days when he was feeling particularly friend-like about the whole thing he let her borrow his second, backup umbrella. He'd started bringing a spare one because she seemed to have no idea how to check for the weather. She'd thanked him and then started humming.

"What are you doing out here, in the rain?" He'd ask her every time.

“Waiting on Naruto-kun,” she would say, and he'd go quiet to avoid hearing her gushing about the dobe in question.

That was their routine in the rainy season, which he'd grown to love almost as much as her. Except for the one time he forgot, it seemed the gods had answered his unasked question on how to change up this habit and Sasuke genuinely forgot both umbrellas. And she remembered. She'd remembered. And it kind of killed him inside. She offered to him and he was tempted to ignore her. To start off this change with abruptness and see if he could break her into going along with it. But he couldn't.

He sighed and took the umbrella gently from her hand, making sure to avoid brushing against her hand. When she shifted her hold on it, their skin grazed and she blushed at him. He dared not look her in the eye after that. Those soft, curious eyes were boring into him and he knew what she was thinking. The poor rich boy that she wanted to be okay with her relationship with his friend; why was he so rude? What did she have to do to help him be okay with her?

He didn’t know why it mattered to her.

Sasuke didn’t bother saying, “thank-you” as he stepped out into the rain and walked away with her umbrella without looking back.

He couldn’t do this anymore. He had to run away. And she let him go.

.:.

That weak, love-sick part of him was back with a vengeance.

Sasuke was determined to return his life to the humdrum existence it had been before she’d walked back into it, unknowingly throwing him into emotional chaos. He couldn't go back to his usual hole-in-the-wall but there were others out there. Others he'd walked past that night due to laws involving occupancy limitations; and a festival at the time, he'd realised in hindsight, which explained a lot. There were a number of small hidey-holes he could disappear into. They matched his aesthetics better and really, it was for the best. He'd avoided her for five years, never googling either of them, and never interacting with anyone who used to know anyone he'd gone to school with. He could move on to another cafe restaurant. He tried them all.

But none of them felt right anymore.

So, Sasuke gave up, just staying at home to work and doing his best to recreate the coffee shop ambiance in his kitchen. He threw open windows and let the noise of his neighbourhood blast into his home to simulate the busy Tokyo Yotsuya Arakicho district. His favourite pastime was walking. He normally walked for miles every day. He decided to double that and start earlier. It woke him up better than coffee some days. It envigorated him in a way that sex hadn't for a while. And it gave him time to think about his day while also distracting him enough to not let his mind wander too far.

But it wasn’t the same. There was something missing. He knew what it was and now that he'd gotten a sneak peek the idea wouldn't leave him alone. It left a gaping hole in his psyche. Therefore, his resolve to avoid Yotsuya Uemura Restaurant and the serendipitous siren only lasted a week. He couldn’t help himself. Like an idiot teenager in love and doped up on hormones, he lay in bed at night remembering her smile, her laugh, and replaying every moment of his up-to-date memory of her in vivid detail. Sasuke could distract himself for a while. With both his imagination and the cold comfort of his hand. But ultimately, his own fixation was his undoing.

He couldn't go on like this without closer. There was no avoiding her now. He was going back.

.:.

She was looking at him.

I should’ve known that would eventually happen.

So why wasn't he more prepared for it? His heart skipped a beat and if he didn't have such good equilibrium he might've stumbled. The hostess was leading him to his table - which turned out to be the same one as before - and he'd searched the busy restaurant with his eyes, hoping to spot her sooner this time. He hadn't expected for their eyes to lock on one another, and especially not this early into his night. He also hadn't expected the initial shock on her face to drop into a soft smile.

He forced himself to look away as the hostess drew his attention to his table, but the weight of Hinata's stare remained. He unpacked his laptop as he'd done last time, trying very hard not to look over and give the impression he was desperately seeking her attention. He forgot to pull out his phone to make his order via the QR code and instead just slowly got comfortable; or as comfortable as he could, knowing she was still watching him. But eventually, he couldn't help himself and Sasuke looked up. She turned away immediately, clearly embarrassed at having been caught looking at him. He allowed himself a small smile at that.

And the weight of her stare left him.

He swallowed heavily as he mentally berated himself. He glanced over at her again just as she looked back for a few moments seeming to remember she had a job to do.

As do I.

One of the waitresses for his section walked by and without thinking, Sasuke raised a hand to grab her attention. “Sumimasen.”

The woman bowed to him. Hyperaware of the Hyuuga still visible from across the confines of the restaurant, he raised an eyebrow at the silent waitress who was staring at him, thoroughly nonplussed. She bowed again, said, “shou shou omachi kudasai,” and then rushed off, leaving him feeling childish.

She hadn't taken his order.

It only occurred to him once he was alone again what he'd just done. He spared an unimpressed glare at the back of Hinata's head as she happily took the order of a small family. She was throwing him off. Next thing he'd know, Sasuke would be singing and dancing out his love confessions. He snorted at himself. At least now he could use the QR code instead. Maybe. He didn't make a move to grab his phone, instead frowning after the waitress who'd disappeared into the back. This was more nerve-wracking than he'd anticipated and Sasuke debated just packing up his things and walking out. He looked over and noticed Hinata had disappeared as well. He breathed a sigh of relief, despite himself. He just needed a few moments to get his act together before deciding what to do next. He opened Atom on his laptop and began the arduous process of inline coding, occasionally glancing to the side without moving his head, to see if she'd come back out onto the floor. She was still in the back, it seemed. As he typed in a few line breaks, his mind drifted to Hinata's reactions to him. Perhaps she was as curious as he was. Maybe his arrival had stirred something in her too.

He stops working when he notices her move onto the floor, now weaving her way between tables. His breath hitches when it becomes obvious she's headed directly for his table. He almost gasps out loud when she stops right in front of him. Hinata blinked a few times before addressing him.

“S-Sas–” She cut herself off and cleared her throat and then bowed slightly; not too low and not too high. “Have you decided what you w-want to order?”

Do I make you nervous?

Somehow that possibility gives him courage. Maybe it's because that's the part of his personality he likes best: making others uncomfortable. Even Hinata. He likes that he has an effect on her. How insignificant would he be if she was apathetic to his presence? Sasuke cleared his throat and ordered a black coffee and onigiri with a side of kimchi salad, tells HInata, “I don’t like beans” and silently bemoans his inability to not look like some kind of an idiot in front of her. She just smiles, all professional despite the twitch of her fingers that told him she ached to grab something. She hesitated for a moment, her eyes raking in his form and Sasuke stiffened at the perusal.

Why is she doing that?

And then it was all over and Hinata Hyuuga was moving away from his table, presumably heading out the back to pass on his order. She didn't stop or slow down.

Fuck.

There were so many questions in his head and he'd heard them all before. He can’t concentrate on his work. Sasuke stares at the screen as he waits for his food, his fingers poised over the keyboard and his eyes unmoving. He lived in a surreal world. Everything was happening so fast. But unlike the last time he came here, he had it coming. He'd hoped to get some answers but it felt too weird to try to talk to her, not just because she was actually working and it would be unprofessional of her. Sasuke blinked heavily, checked the time, and then his notes and references before returning his fingers to the letters on his keyboard. Letters, brackets, parentheses, and integers. He pursed his lips, trying to focus. He managed to get some work done in the time it took for Hinata to come back. He wasn't sure why she was serving in this section, but his brain refused to care to figure that out.

She stood in front of him, clearly unsure about how to talk to him, but she carried on nonetheless.

“Douzo.”

“Doumo.”

Sasuke . raised an eyebrow at her when she looked stunned that he'd replied. He supposed it was strange to hear him being polite. As Hinata bowed again, hesitated for a moment (again), and turned to leave, Sasuke inhaled deeply, just watching her go. He sat back and looked down at his hands, which had started shaking slightly. He fisted his trousers to stop them. This had been a mistake but there was nothing else to do right now but just eat his food. He ate his onigiri like a crazy person; with a fork. He waited for the rice and seaweed to stick better so it wasn’t messy but instead of picking it up with his hands, as it was designed to be eaten, he jammed the fork into it and dumped it on his kimchi salad. Sasuke forced himself to return to focusing on his work, digging holes in the onigiri and salad every few minutes, taking a few sips of his coffee, and scowling.

All awhile he was very aware of the lavender-white eyes watching him from the other side of Yotsuya Uemura Restaurant.

.:.

Sasuke returned to the restaurant but Hinata never came to get his order again. And for that, he was grateful. He could continue to ignore her, do his work until the late hours, reorder something to eat or drink every now and then (using the damn damned QR-code instead to avoid any more awkward moments), and pretend he was still in that hole-in-the-wall, that had started this mess by closing down in the first place. Two hours of peace. And then 3 A.M. would roll around and he’d start packing up slowly, languidly, as though his life didn't depend on leaving before she clocked out and got it into her head to come to say "hello" again. And despite his bladder kicking him from the inside because of all the coffee he'd avoid the restroom and call an Uber because Tokyo bus lines had stopped by then.

And he’d still be wide awake.

He got into this habit and it served him well for four weeks. A month of the now strangely alluring atmosphere of Yotsuya Uemura Restaurant. It still felt weird that this was the best place to go to where his brain would actually focus on work, even with her there. But he got complacent with their unspoken rule of ignoring each other. At least he presumed they had an agreement. It would be typical of her to break that non-agreement right when he'd let his guard down.

Sasuke spotted her heading toward him after his final cup of black coffee of the night. He licked his lips and put the cup down, watching her with an almost detached fascination. It was a strange but welcomed feeling. And suddenly she was standing in front of him with only the table and his belongings between them. She didn't speak immediately, licking her lips in a similar manner to what he'd just done. She started twiddling her thumbs and a rose-coloured flush spread across her cheeks as he continued to stare silently back at her.

Why is she here?

Her shift had clearly ended; she held a bento bag over her shoulder while the standard apron uniform and her name tag were notably absent. She had to be on her way out.

So why is she here?

Maybe she thought... no, he couldn't think of a reason. Well, perhaps the kind girl he used to know actually had unfinished business with him. Whatever that might be. He debated leaving early; his eyes went to the time on his laptop, noting it was only ten minutes before 3 A.M. so it wouldn't be completely out of character. As much as he enjoyed the view, he was not enjoying the anticipation. But when she smiled at him, in that warm, soft way he remembered, Sasuke couldn’t bring himself to leave.

“Sasuke.”

Her voice was melodic and he found himself leaning forward to rest his chin on his hands, entranced. And no suffix? Interesting. He remembered Hinata as one who’d been a stickler for politeness. How times had changed.

He nodded shortly to her. “Hinata.”

As though that had been permission, she slid into the chair opposite him. But the bento bag remained on her shoulder. “So you do remember m-me?”

Sasuke could only nod, his confusion masked by feigned indifference.

“I wanted to come over to say ‘hi’ s-sooner,” she said, her smile now more timid as she laced her fingers together. “The timing just never seemed r-right.”

Sasuke leaned back in his chair, forcing himself to calm down. He could do this (just this once). It was like riding a bicycle. Except he'd never actually learned to do that.

I’m definitely going to have to find another coffee restaurant now.

He had no idea what possessed him to continue coming here. This was just a recipe for disaster. It was far too awkward and he had work to do. No, wait, work was over. Or just about. Now he had to go home. Still, he didn’t have time to hash things out with old friends or crushes from high school. Memories belonged in the past. But he couldn’t help himself; a part of Sasuke still needed to know. He had to know. He had to. Or so he kept telling himself. There was only pain and heartache in memories of watching Hinata being happy with Naruto. There was no ring on her finger but not every married couple did that. Or she could’ve removed a ring while working to avoid losing it. There were a million different reasons she looked single.

How does one look single, really?

“How’s the dobe?”

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Other than the obvious.

Fighting an internal battle on whether or not to slap himself, Sasuke tried to focus on pretending he wasn't fighting with himself. He didn’t really want to know how Hinata's life with Naruto was. His mouth just seemed to have a mind of its own. Sasuke could imagine all kinds of things she might say and how he might be doing. He didn't need confirmation. As she squirmed in her seat, he blinked slowly. A hard swallow was the only sign that this conversation was making him uncomfortable.

Her smile was sad. “I wouldn’t know.”

Sasuke’s eyes widened. Why wouldn’t she know? Why wouldn't she... And then suddenly his stupid mind clicked all the pieces into place. “You’re not with him anymore?”

She shook her head.

“I thought you were looking forward to the 2.5 kids with him.”

Hinata sighed and stopped fiddling with her hands. “I’ve grown up.”

He gave her a quick appraisal, without lingering on any part of her body. Hopefully, it didn’t come off as invasive or creepy. But his mind was whirring. He nodded absentmindedly, but his heart was pounding against his rib cage. Dare he ask if she’d found someone else? Dare he poke the sleeping dragon?

“Are you–”

“I’m… s-single.”

Was she blushing? Sasuke couldn’t stop the smirk from gracing his face if he tried. The muscles responsible for twisting the side of his mouth into a smirk felt stiff though. He suddenly felt like a weight had been lifted from his soul. His body was lighter and his cluttered mind cleared. He sighed in contentment. At least for that part of her revelation.

A different kind of anxiety now slammed his heart against his chest.

They sat in awkward silence as Sasuke ordered a new, different drink. The doors would be closing soon so he had to do this quickly. When the milkshake came, he took a sip and then pushed it lightly, in her direction. If he drank any more coffee there would be no going to sleep tonight but this was too sweet for his tastes, normally. He already desperately needed to use the toilets. Unfortunately, it wasn’t socially acceptable to ask complete strangers or staff to watch his stuff while he used the facilities, so Sasuke would usually be gone by now, on his way home, and to that sweet porcelain of relief.

He eyed Hinata tentatively. “You seem different from the shy girl who always followed Naruto around.”

She reached out and ran a delicate finger along the condensation on the glass tumbler that held the liquid temptation. “I’ve grown up.”

Yes. And no stuttering this time. But some things clearly still stayed the same: she still loved strawberry milkshakes. (And this one had a cinnamon stick in it to boot.) She was eyeing off his drink in a slightly ravenous way but the nervous habits he remembered from high school were also still present; she was twiddling her thumbs and clearly too polite to just take his drink. These were parts of the reason he’d fallen so heavily for her in the first place. She was adorable in her weird mix of social graces and anxiety. He knew a little about social anxiety himself. He’d never cared much for how others perceived him, but adulthood had taught him some hard-learned lessons on why it would never get him anywhere in life to carry on as though nobody else mattered.

Yet so much about Sasuke had not changed at all.

Still a selfish bastard.

He wanted and he got. At least where it was possible.

Sasuke raised his eyebrows at Hinata in what he hoped was a challenging look. She sat up straighter and licked her lips before her eyes dropped to his drink in understanding. He remembered from his few years in this industry just how ragged one could feel at the end of a long shift. He hadn't had to worry about the nine-to-five bullshit for so long but some things were just unforgettable. This drink was an offer more than a challenge: was she thirsty enough to take him up on it? How much had she really changed? She'd never have taken his drink back in school. Now she had an open but silent invitation.

Hinata pulled the drink toward herself, stopping it in the middle of the table before leaning over it to take the rim of the glass between her lips. He watched in erotic fascination as she lifted the glass and pursed her lips against it. He fixated on her mouth as she gulped it down. His eyes were drawn to every distinct and enthralling move she made. Not to mention how when she’d leaned over it was too bad her uniform wasn’t more revealing but it did give his inner pervert ideas.

"Watch my stuff?" He asked and she distractedly nodded, continuing to enjoy her drink.

He decided the strawberry milkshake was a fair price to pay in return for her watching his belongings. It was her fault he wasn’t on his way home yet, after all. Sasuke didn’t like public toilets but with the very single and beautiful Hyuuga sitting in front of him, smacking her lips together after a long guzzle of her favourite drink, and her eyes fluttering closed in pleasure, he found he didn’t care about that. He was just glad he hadn't run away every chance he got, since the first time he entered Yotsuya Uemura Restaurant.

When he returned she was still sitting in her chair but had angled her body to peak at what he had on his screen, her delicate eyebrows raised; she was either surprised or impressed.

Yes, he was very glad indeed that they were both still here.

.:.

It became a habit. Sasuke would arrive around midnight, take his usual spot in the darkest corner of the brightly lit restaurant, order using the QR code, and then unpack his laptop. He would spend the first forty-five minutes sipping on his water (or black tea; either of which would later be replaced by black coffee anyway) and working on his project design and immersing himself in every edit. When the food came he would pick at it while still working and occasionally peeking over the top of his laptop as Hinata worked in the distance. The way her fringe bobbed as she smiled brightly at a customer, even if they were monopolising her time with their order. He found a new appreciation in just gazing at her.

And as was a habit, Sasuke would be finished with his food within the hour, ordering the first black coffee of the night. If he was still hungry, he’d grab a side salad or Spicy Ahi Poke around two o’clock, when his battery would start to wind him down, even with the coffee. Web coding was a far slower and more tedious skill set than most people realised. Depending on the job, it could take him months to finish, and these weren’t the cheap, easy pages of online website builders that anyone from his grandmother and borderline illiterate next-door neighbour could use to create their own site. He tested his static preview several times before deciding to stop and stretch out his tired muscles.

Then the cherry on the top: Hinata would clock off at 3 A.M. and join him at his table. A new strawberry milkshake bribe and she would heroically protect his belongings as he used the toilets and when he returned, she would regale him with stories about her family and friends while asking him questions about his own. He knew the shy, bumbling Hinata of his youth was not completely gone when he asked her more personal questions and she flushed; a lovely shade of pink he had never thought to cherish until now. Sasuke did not ask about past relationships because he was enjoying pretending she hadn’t been with anyone since Naruto. She did hint to it a few times but he shut that down quickly, not wanting to hear about her dating other men.

And in kind, it would be hypocritical of him to talk about his own sex life. Not that she would care about that.

It wasn’t the healthiest take on relationships, but it was what he had to offer.

After a week of this habit, Sasuke was disappointed to see the weekend painfully arrive. It meant her days off and he couldn’t bring himself to go to the restaurant knowing she wouldn’t be there. He almost asked her if they could meet up on the weekend but didn’t want it to feel like he was being needy. Or coming across too strong. The weekend dragged on with familial obligations and friends who were determined to get him drunk or laid. Or both. He ignored them all. Then Monday came again and Sasuke spent the day the way he spent every weekday since Hinata came back into his life; anticipating the night time.

What a boring life I lead.

He’d sunk low. Sasuke had spent years being content with his romantic isolation. No-one, no matter how many times he dated, could ever compare to the first person he’d fallen in love with. But he’d been fine with that. Until now. Now he was looking forward to being close to a beautiful woman who didn't annoy him. The very person he could never completely move on from.

Though he was scared at the thought of asking her if he was the only one feeling anything.

The second week of this habit changed everything. He was waking up with a smile on his face. He was going to bed content and peaceful. It wasn’t like Sasuke had never looked forward to things; he anticipated the weekend, the end of the night after another one of his mother’s forced family get together’s, the change in the balance of his bank account after finishing a project for a client. Even the occasional date or romp in the sheets (he used to indulge in) allowed him to release the stress of the week even though they were always temporary fixes. And of course, running. Sitting at a computer for hours didn’t do his body any good and he had gotten into the habit of jogging for over an hour every early in the mornings.

Habits.

But it was time for this new one to break. Because he hadn’t done much other than jog or work since remeeting Hinata. He needed more from her, not just the moments so late in the night that it would be inappropriate to invite her back to his apartment. And he needed to know that this was okay with her. He’d lost out years ago but there was no Naruto-dobe to get in the way this time. He wasn’t the hot-blooded and assertive type. He didn't get riled up and led on. But that was another habit he was intent on breaking - for this instance, at least.

He “hn’d” his way through his first night of the week with her before becoming more obvious. He didn't have much experience flirting anyway. When he passed the milkshake to her his fingers lingered and he stared into her eyes, delighting in the way her breath hitched and her lips parted. She would place a shaky hand on the glass tumbler, wrapping her hand around it delicately and waiting for him to let go. his fingers would deliberately brush against hers and she swallowed heavily. The dynamic had changed. She would drink with less vigour but still finish every last drop.

They shared his side of hot potato chips, which were always too much for him anyway, and he was reminded of those cartoon dogs who shared pasta. The urge to kiss Hinata would resurface whenever his mind drifted and he had to push that down. For now.

“I think it's time to leave,” she said, blushing slightly. "They're closing up now."

They were indeed moving furniture and changing signs.

“Hn.”

Hinata was bold when it mattered; she reached over with a napkin and wiped at the side of his mouth. Her shy smile grew wider when he didn’t move away and he couldn't tear his eyes away from her. His lips parted and his eyes dropped to her mouth when she licked her lips. Was the air dry for her too? He felt like a sudden heat wave had set on them both. But when she was done wiping at the sauce on his mouth the moment was over. She pulled back and averted her eyes nervously.

Maybe she’d been expecting me to kiss her?

He had no idea. But it couldn't hurt to find out. Sasuke started the habit of packing up his belongings as Hinata sighed in resignation and slowly stood.

Once upon a time, when he didn't have a choice - when his life wasn’t his to dictate - Sasuke had bemoaned his future. Now he realised he was regaining something inside himself that he’d never known was actually possible.

A future with her.

.:.

The final nail in this coffin was a wake-up call.

His friendship with Naruto was ruined. When she touched the idiot, Sasuke imagined she was touching him. When she kissed the dobe, Sasuke imagined those were his lips she worshipped. Her hands were on his, her body pressed against him; her moans, his groans, and their pleasure. Sasuke was plagued with images and what-ifs. Naruto had his future with Hinata figured out. Sasuke's life was over. It didn't matter that he loved them both, even though in different ways. It only mattered that every smile was killing him. Sasuke didn't believe in real souls, not really. But if he did have one, the other half of it was being torn away from him.

Naruto asked Hinata to marry him in the middle of the high school graduation ceremony, disrupting the flow like the baka he was. And while the principal yelled at him, the blond made a public menace of himself as the school graduates rallied to his romantic gesture.

Everyone but Sasuke. And nobody noticed.

He couldn’t handle it, seeing them together all lovey-dovey and declaring they were meant to be. The whole school cheering. The lights glared down and closed in on him as his vision blurred. It was too much, even for him, Mr. Ice-box anal arsehole with a reputation for not giving a shit. He should’ve seen it coming but until Hinata said, “yes” and let Naruto sweep her into the most affectionate and disgusting kiss that Sasuke had ever seen, he hadn’t thought it would happen. It couldn’t happen. She was better than this. The fates were kinder than this. Naruto was notoriously slow on the uptake. Surely he would be too lazy or unreliable to think of such a permanent change in his life.

But apparently not anymore. He was serious. They were engaged. They would be getting married.

And all Sasuke wanted to do was scream in frustration and rage. He was done putting up with this! It felt selfish to do but he had to. There was no emotional outburst - that would come later, in the privacy of his own home - no. He was a picture of calm as he started to back away from his cheering graduation class. He took one last look at the chaotic scene Naruto had caused, snatched up his own diploma, and turned away. He was soon to be enrolled at Tohoku University. He was moving away from this backwater town. Far away from everyone he knew. To Tokyo.

Alone.

Sasuke left all of his friends behind and cut off all contact, ignoring their attempts to find him. And hers.

And he never saw his best friend again.

.:.

She tasted like strawberries and lavender.

Sasuke finally broke his habit three weeks after their fated reunion. (Now that he was contemplating that maybe fate was a thing.) Packing his laptop away, he’d reached for a second bag that had been sitting on the chair next to him. He’d known it was likely to rain so Sasuke brought two compact umbrellas with him with plans for them both to get used. He’d contemplated just bringing one large, oversized umbrella but didn’t want to make Hinata awkward with the presumptuous closeness. She seemed skittish with surprises. So now she stood with him under the awning that decorated the front of the restaurant and he was suddenly very grateful for bad yet predictable weather.

“Sasuke?”

He looked down at the woman in his arms. Gone was the facade that this was anything other than a blossoming relationship. He'd taken her hand and stood proud as a peacock when she squeezed his hand in return. She let him pull her closer, their umbrellas overlapping above their heads as they stared into each other's eyes. She'd let him lean in closer and duck his head under her umbrella to breathe in her sudden intake of air. She was anticipating this too, he knew. This situation was familiar, though he was determined to have it play out differently. Maybe she didn’t remember that day in the rain, so long ago when he'd wanted to kiss her after she'd let him use her umbrella. She’d never tracked him down to get it back and he'd never offered it back. Or maybe he’d intimidated her too much for her to retrieve it.

“Hinata…” His free hand cupped her face and he took in every inch of her face, his eyes memorising every detail. The flush of her skin, the plumpness of her lips, the way she tilted toward him instinctively. “I want to kiss you.”

What was it his father had once said? Never ask for permission. Sasuke knew Fugaku’s approach to women was toxic. His mother’s issues were proof of that. But there was a little part of himself that had wanted to just take those succulent-looking lips between his teeth before she had the chance to pull away. However, he respected her too much for that. He needed to know she wanted this too.

Hinata smiled and nodded. “Okay. I want to kiss you, too.”

(No more stuttering.)

And that was his permission. When he lowered his mouth to hers he was already slanting his head in anticipation for the tilt of their faces as they embraced each other. Full-mouthed, energetic, uncompromising; he grasped her almost too tightly as her parted lips allowed him entry. Sasuke devoured her mouth. Their eyes closed, his body pressed so intimately against hers; the pouring rain faded into the background. There was only her. Only them. And when she moaned and returned his vigour, he finally felt like he'd come home.

.:.

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