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baiwu-jinji · 3 years

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“Preface to the Prince Teng's Pavilion” by Wang Bo, translation by (*)

Interesting fact about the author Wang Bo (650-676 AD): he was seen as a genius ever since he was little, and the way he writes is that he’d get drunk and lie down for a while, and when he becomes sober he’d have everything he wants to write in mind, and then he’ll write down a whole essay in one go without changing or correcting a word. Too bad that he died very early when he was only 26.

This essay may be too long to read, but for anyone interested, I suggest reading the second paragraph (in bold font) because it’s one of the most beautiful passages in classical Chinese prose.

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Nanchang, which was the capital of Yuzhang Prefecture during the Han Dynasty, now falls under the jurisdiction of Hongzhou. It straddles the border of the influence of the Ye and Zhen constellations (1), and is adjacent to the Heng and the Lu mountains (2). The three rivers (3) enfold it like the front part of a garment (4) and the five lakes encircle it like a girdle (5). Itc ontrols the savage Jing area (6) and connects Ou (7) and Yue (8), and its products are nature’s jewels. The radiance of its legendary sword shoots directly upward between the constellations Niu and Dou (9). Its talented people are outstanding, and the spirit of intelligence pervades the place. This was the place where Xu Ru spent the night on his visit to Chen Fan (10). The mighty Hongzhou spreads out immensely amid the fog, and the intellectual luminaries are as numerous as meteors chasing one another. It borders both the uncultured and the civilized areas, and its host and guests are all prominent people from the East and the South. Under the escort of guard of honor with halberds in their hands, Governor Yan, a man of high repute, comes to attend this event from afar. Prefect Yuwen (11), a model of virtue, stops his carriage on the way to his new appointment. On this official holiday, which falls on every tenth day, good friends gather together, and a galaxy of distinguished guests from distant places fill the hall. Also present at the gathering are Master Meng ,whose literary grace is as imposing as a dragon soaring and a phoenix dancing, and General Wang, who has weapons as sharp as the famous swords “Purple Lightning” and “Blue Frost” in his armory. I, an ignorant boy, have the good fortune to take part in this grand banquet on my journey to visit my father, who is a magistrate of a county.

It is September, the third month of autumn. The puddles on the ground have dried up, and the water in the pond is cool and translucent. At dusk the rays of the setting sun, condensed in the evening haze, turn the mountains purple. In the stately carriages drawn by the horses we make our way ahead, visiting the attractive scenic spot in the mountains. Soon we arrive at the river bank, where the King Teng’s Tower beckons, then we ascend the tower where the fairy once dwelled (12). Ranges upon ranges of green mountain rise as high as the sky. The red glow in the water is the reflection of the richly painted tower that seems hovering in the air. From its heights no land is visible. Circling around are the wild ducks on the sand-bars. Cassia-wood courts and magnolia-wood halls rise and fall like mountain ranges. Pushing open the door carved with decorative patterns, I look down upon endless waves of brightly tinted roof tiles, each elaborately engraved with lovely etchings. A panorama of mountains and plains stretches beneath me, and I am mesmerized by the mighty scene of the winding rivers and big lakes. In the city there are houses everywhere. There are families of great affluence, whose meals are served with many cooking tripods of food and to the accompaniment of music. Massive ships and fierce war vessels are densely moored at the ports. On the sterns of many ships are carved designs of blue birds and brown dragons. The rain has just let up and the rainbow has vanished. The rosy clouds drift alongside the lone goose in the air, and the autumn water is merged with the boundless sky into one hue. The fishermen can be heard singing the evening songs, their voices drifting as far as the banks of the Poyang Lake. Even the wild geese feel the chill of dusk settling upon them, and they cry all the way while flying southward, disappearing around the south bend of the Heng Mountain.

Looking afar and chanting, and then looking downward and singing, I feel a sudden rush of ecstasy soaring up in me. The music of the pan pipe is like a gentle cool breeze. The soft singing lingers on; it is so soothing that even the passing white clouds seem to come to a halt. The gathering here can be compared to the banquet in the bamboo garden hosted by Prince of Xiao of the Liang State (13), and many a guest is a greater drinker than Tao Yuanming (14). It is also like the feast at River Ye where Cao Zhi (15) composed the poem in praise of the lotus flower. Present are many talented scholars who are as gifted as Xie lingyun of Linchuan (16). It is not an easy thing to have four excellent things all at once, that is, good weather, beautiful scenery, full enjoyment and heartfelt happiness, and it is even more difficult to have a generous host and honored guests. I look into the vast expanse of the sky and amuse myself to my heart’s content on this festive day. The sky is high and the land is boundless; I cannot but feel the immensity of the universe. Sadness follows happiness. I am aware that success and failure are predestined. I look into the distance, but Chang’an, the capital of the country, is far beyond the setting sun in the west, and Wuhui (17) is unapproachable somewhere amid the clouds. At the farthest end of the south are the depths of the South Sea, and far away in the north is the pillar that upholds the sky, but the Polestar is still farther. Since the mountains and passes are hard to travel over, who would sympathize with the disappointed ones? The people I meet here are all politically frustrated, drifting together like duckweeds. I pine for the Emperor but am not summoned. How long should I wait before I am called to the court again like Jia Yi (18)?

Alas! I am ill fated, and my life is full of frustrations. Feng Tang grew old quickly (19) and Li Guang had difficulty getting promoted (20). Jia Yi was unjustly exiled to Changsha. Was it because there was no wise emperor on the throne? Liang Hong had to seek refuge at the seaside (21). Was it because there was no good government in his time? Fortunately what supports one is the belief that a man of noble character always contented with his lot. Old as one is, he gains vigor with age and by no means wavers in his aspiration. Poor as one is, he is all the more determined in adversity and by no means gives up his ambition. One keeps his integrity even if he has drunk the water of the spring of Avarice (22) and is cheerful even is he is confronted with misfortune.Though the North Sea is far away, one can still get there with the help of the strong wind. Though the morning is gone, it is not too late to make up the loss in the evening. Meng Chang was noble and honest, but his devotion to the country was futile (23). Ruan Ji was unruly and untrammeled, but he burst out crying when in dire straits (24). How can we learn from him?

I am an insignificant scholar of a low official position and am of the same age as Zhong Jun (25), but unlike him, I have no opportunity to serve in the army. I will follow the example of Ban Chao (26), who threw aside the writing brush to enlist in the armed services and I admire Zong Que (27) who made up his mind to seek a military career by braving the wind and waves. I am determined not to accept the offer of a lifelong government position by wearing a hair dress and holding a tablet before the chest as court officials do. Rather, I will travel thousands of li to go home to wait on my parents, paying respect to them morning and evening. As a son I am not as good as Xie Xuan (28) but in my early years I had the fortune to have men of virtue as my neighbors. In a few days I will be with my father and I will take care of him and receive instructions from him as did Kong Li (29). On this day I have the honor to be invited by Governor Yan to this grand occasion. I am as blissful as if I had leaped over the Dragon’s Gate (30). Since I do not have someone like Yang Yi to recommend me (31), I can only sigh with grief and caress this piece of writing which expresses my lofty aspiration. Now that I have met a bosom friend like Zhong Ziqi (32), why should I be ashamed of presenting this writing of mine?

Ah! A beautiful scenic spot is rarely seen, and a sumptuous banquet like this one is even less likely to be held again. The grand gathering at the Orchid Pavilion (33) is an event in history and the famous Jinggu Garden (34)is now in ruins. I have the good fortune to attend this feast and I would like to leave this farewell message at the time of paring. I count on all the gentlemen here to ascend the tower and contribute their writings. I humbly compose this short piece in all sincerity. Since every one of us is required to write a poem, the following is what I write:

The lofty King Teng’s Tower overlooks the River. The jade pendants (35) tinkle, and the carriage bells jingle.

The banquet’s over, the guests are leaving, and the singing and the dancing have stopped.

In the morn the rosy clouds from the southern shore flit across the painted pillars.

In the eve the rain in the western mountains are drawn in by the red curtains.

The lazy clouds are reflected in the water and the days pass in leisure.

Things change and stars move; how many years have passed since the building of the Tower?

Where is its builder, King Teng? Only the River outside the railing flows to the east all by itself.

Notes:

(1)In old times the sky was divided into 28 constellations, and each constellation had influence on a certain area on the earth. Nanchang was under the influence of the Ye and the Zhen constellations.

(2)The Heng Mountain is located to the southwest of Nanchang and the Lu Mountain to its north.

(3)The three rivers are the Jing, the Song, and the Zhe rivers.

(4)In old times there was a piece of cloth in the upper part of along gown, with which people used to wrap things.

(5)The five lakes are the Tai, the Poyang, the Qingcao, the Danyang, and the Dongting lakes.

(6)The Jing area was the Chu area prior to the Qin Dynasty. It was less developed than the rest of the country.

(7)It now mainly refers to Zhejiang Province.

(8)The name of a kingdom during the Zhou Dynasty (1046B.C.- 256B.C.) , mainly referring to the east of Zhejiang Province, Jiangsu Province, and part of Anhui Province.

(9)It was said that during the Jin Dynasty, there appeared a purple vapor between the Niu and the Dou constellations. Later people discovered a precious sword in Hongzhou.

(10)Xu Ru was a poor scholar in the Eastern Han Dynasty. Despite poverty, he declined to be a government official. When Chen Fan was the prefect of Yuzhang County, he received no guests except Xu Ru, for whom a bed was always prepared in his home.

(11)It refers to Yuwen Jun, who was newly appointed as prefect of Lizhou.

(12)It refers to King Teng’s Power.

(13)Prince of Xiao of the Liang State of the Western Han Dynasty often entertained scholars in the bamboo garden by the Sui River.

(14)Tao Yuanming was the author of “Peach Blossom Spring”.

(15)Cao Cao and his son Cao Zhi often entertained guests by River Ye. Cao Zhi had written a poem in praise of the lotus flowers.

(16)Xie Lingyun was an official in Linchuan Prefecture, Jiangxi Province. Another interpretation is that Wang Xizhi is referred to here, because he was also an official in Linchuan.

(17)Wuhui is today’s City of Suzhou in Jiangsu Province.

(18)During the reign of Emperor Wen of the Han Dynasty, Jia Yi was exiled to Changsha and was called back to the court four years later.

(19)Feng Tang was an official of a low rank in the Han Dynasty. During the reign of Emperor Wu, he was recommended to a high-ranking official. But it was too late, as he was already over ninety and could no longer serve the emperor.

(20)Li Guang, a military man during the reign of Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty. He had performed many military exploits but had never been fully rewarded.

(21)Liang Hong was a scholar during the Eastern Han Dynasty. He wrote a satirical song to criticize the noblemen and offended the emperor. He had to escape to the Qi and the Lu areas, which were near the sea.

(22)It was believed that on the outskirts of Guangzhou there was the Spring of Avarice. People became avaricious after drinking its water.

(23)Meng Chang was an upright official during the Eastern Han Dynasty, but he never got a high position.

(24)Ruan Ji was a scholar in the Wei and the Jin dynasties. He was angry with the rotten politics of his time and often went out in his carriage. When the road was blocked, he would cry and turn back.

(25)Zhong Jun was a young man living in the Western Han Dynasty. He made up his mind to capture the king of the enemy when he was about twenty years of age.

(26)Ban Chao was a scribe during the Eastern Han Dynasty. He later performed military exploits and was rewarded.

(27)Zong Que was a young man during the Southern Dynasty (420-589). When asked what he would do in the future, he answered that he would go to the front and “brave the wind and waves”. Later he became a general.

(28)Xie Xuan, a young man during the Eastern Jin Dynasty. His uncle praised him as “the treasure tree of the Xie family.”

(29)Kong Li was the son of Confucius.

(30)The Dragon’s Gate is a narrow pass in the shape of a gate in the Longmen Mountain where the Yellow River flows through. It was believed that if a carp leaped over the gate, it would turn into a dragon.

(31)Yang Deyi recommends Sima Xiangru, a great poet, to Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty.

(32)Zhong Ziqi, a man living the Spring and Autumn Period. It was said that he was a master in playing the qin, a seven-stringed plucked musical instrument. Bo Ya regarded him as his bosom friend because he understood the music Bo Ya played.

(33)See “Prologue to the Collection of Poems Composed at the Orchid Pavilion”.

(34)See “Entertainment Given in the Peach and Plum Garden on a Spring Evening”.

(35)In old times people wore a jade pendant to the body and it gave a tinkling sound when the person moved.

#chinese literature #my notes #吊书袋的典范

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bubbly-bungee-may · 3 years

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ZoNa Valentine’s Week: Day 4 Why I Ship ZoNa: Part 1

So because i’ve never explained why I ship ZoNa, I’ve decided to use this Valentine’s Week as an excuse to make 3 separate posts on why I ship them.

They will be long posts because I am relying on the gifs I made of the anime rather than the manga (even though the manga may be more accurate, but I just started reading the manga so give me some time lol)

OKAY LET’S START.....

So just as a preface: First and foremost these two have known each other the longest. I’m not saying that in order to be a couple you need to know someone for a long time, but in ZoNa’s case I feel like it’s an important part of their relationship.

They started out as friends then shit went down in Arlong Park (namely where Nami plays the villain for a hot second and that shakes Zoro up cause he had trusted her) but then everything was settled and they went back to being friends.

I feel like that incident was necessary not only for the plot, but for Zoro and Nami’s relationship to develop. After everything, they now have full trust in the other and their relationship was able to evolve.

This all leads me to my first reason as to why I ship ZoNa:

1. They are friends FIRST

Yes, I ship them as a couple, but I believe that all successful relationships begin as friends (that’s just my own personal belief). A foundation built on friendship and mutual understanding and trust is what I believe allows this ship to sail.

And despite the fact that everyone thinks Nami and Zoro are only capable of fighting and butting heads, they are actually very good friends who are capable of holding normal conversations.

Exhibit A (Ep.54) : Nami took notice of how Zoro was acting strange and commented on it. She’s aware of his presence and isn’t just writing him off. And this also shows that she cares about him.

Exhibit B (Ep. 62) : Zoro wanted Nami’s opinion on what the strange sound he heard was. Also Nami is taking the time to answer him; she could’ve just ignored him completely but she decided to pay him attention.

Exhibit C (Ep. 154): This is a very brief moment, but Zoro and Nami have a conversation about dropping anchor and the layout of the island. And they are both on the ship alone and idk I like to think that Zoro was waiting for Nami to be done changing so that they could go on the island together.

Exhibit D (Ep. 161): Nami wanting Zoro’s opinion as to if he saw anything. Just shows that she trusts his judgment and how she can rely on him.

Exhibit E (Ep. 161): Short conversation, but still important. Zoro is showing concern and care for Nami by telling her to be more careful. And Nami is replying sincerely.

Exhibit F (Ep. 217): Zoro notices Nami is mad without even looking at her. If that doesn’t tell you how well he knows her by now, then idk what does. But it’s also important that Zoro is listening to her concerns and commenting on them.

So YES, they can hold normal conversations, here is the proof! And having known each other the longest, they also know the other well.

Zoro can spot Nami’s money obsession anytime, anywhere. (Ep.105)

And Nami knows how much Zoro loves sake, so she went out of her way to get it for him. (look at how happy he is hehe) (Ep. 255)

And this ⤵ gif (Ep. 159) is one of my newfound favorite moments and leads us into the next reason. It’s not in the manga, but maybe the animators are also ZoNa fans....??

2. They are comfortable around eachother.

Okay, but doesn’t it seem like Zoro is teasing Nami?!?! She almost ran into a tree and then Zoro is like “oooo a perfect opportunity to tease her”. Idk I just found this part super cute. Like Zoro isn’t usually one to be playful like this, but he is with Nami and ughhh it’s so cute!

And then the multiple times that Zoro is seen sitting/sleeping next to/near Nami. It just shows that they don’t mind each other’s company and honestly (intentional or not) I think they gravitate towards each other because of how comfortable they are with each other.

Exhibit A (46): He came to sit next to her during breakfast when he could’ve sat down next to his captain. Like is this his seat? Has he claimed the spot next to Nami as his own? ..... I like to think so.

Exhibit B (48): The start of Zoro’s debt. I just love how Nami leans in and he doesn’t seem to mind it hehe.

Exhibit C (Episode of Alabasta): The circumstance here was a bit different, but I like to think that she just wanted to be close to Zoro. And idc who tf you are, but if you were in Zoro’s position you can’t just not think about or be conscious about the woman on you. Like yeah you can call yourself friends, but you gotta be at least a bit conscious of where you’re touching and what’s touching you.

Exhibit D (Ep.149) : The start of the famed drinking buddies act. Nami moved here after pouring Robin a drink so I like to think that she felt comfortable and decided to settle down next to him. So i’m guessing Zoro’s seat is next to Nami during breakfast, and Nami’s seat is next to Zoro when they’re drinking?!

Exhibit E (Ep. 193): Psssst Zoro, just scoot your hand over a smidgen

Exhibit F (Ep. 225) : Before one of my favorite parts in the Foxy Arc (that will be shown in another part hehe).

Exhibit G (Ep 228): The two of them were up here alone before Sanji came. I like to think that Nami was relaxing and then Zoro came up wordlessly and just plopped down and fell asleep (before Sanji interrupted)

Exhibit H ( Ep 554): Honestly, Zoro is used to it at this point. And this just proves that Nami believes in his strength and believes that he will protect her no matter what.

Exhibit I (569): Ah yes the drinking buddies, an upgrade from Sky Island.

Exhibit J (569): Ah yes the sobering-up buddies. I made another post (here) on this, but I like to think Zoro likes being near her so he can protect her.

Now, I’d also like to make the argument that them butting heads is actually proof of how close they are.

Nami isn’t afraid of getting close to him and giving him a piece of her mind. Remember in my previous post when Zoro does this with Nami (who is Sanji in Nami’s body). Yeah, they def don’t mind being close to each other even when it comes to arguing.

(Ep 93)

You’d think Zoro would learn that he can rarely win an argument with Nami, but nah, that ain’t Zoro. Personally, I think Zoro low key likes arguing with her. Aside from Nami the only one he really argues with is Sanji (but even then what they argue about is usually something petty). (Ep 147)

I really like this gif because it shows that Zoro is trying to explain to Nami why they did what they did. She thinks they were “beaten”, but that isn’t necessarily correct, so he was trying to get her to see the real picture.... which she didn’t. lol (Ep 151)

But if there’s one thing I noticed about Zoro and Nami’s relationship when it comes to arguing, it’s that the other party is trying to get the other one to see from their point of view; they don’t argue just to argue.

Putting aside the fact that they were arguing about marriage (although if they ever did get married I’d think Nami would want something extravagant while Zoro would just be like “whatever just wake me up when I have to go in” ah okay my imagination is running wild.. stop stop)

Anyway, this part is important because this time it’s Nami who is trying to get Zoro to see from her point of view. Of course, she can’t do so without yelling and gnashing teeth, but the sentiment is the same-she wants Zoro to understand where she’s coming from. (Ep 764)

I mean look, friends have differing viewpoints and thoughts. Yes, they may disagree, but in the end it doesn’t really matter because people can still think differently but be close. Ever heard the saying “opposites attract”? yeah, that’s basically ZoNa in a nutshell. They may argue and disagree, but I think that brings them even closer.

And Zoro is usually referred to as the “calm and cool” guy, but the fact that he easily loses his “cool” over something slight that Nami says, idk I just find that cute that she’s able to get under his skin like that.

I love the dynamic between the two. They’re opposites who like to fight, but always have each other’s backs and couldn’t stand to see the other hurt.

#zona #zonami #zonalove #zonaforever #one piece #nami one piece #zoro one piece #nami #zoro #only otp #one piece otp

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transsexualhamlet · 3 years

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okayokayokay i have like. Q U E S T I O N S because i have *wanted* to read no longer human but have been afraid to SO -

1) what's it like? what do u think of it? im sooo curious 👀

2) do u think that asagiri-sensei based bsd dazai sorta off the book more than off the actual authour? i seem to remember reading that once but i dont remember if it was speculation or not

3) .......just infodump as much as you want, really; im Curious™️ and it looks like ur having fun with the book XD

p.s. - have fun with crime and punishment; thats a book ive DEFINITELY been meaning to read (but i havent had time to yet djfjdjfjf)

AHHHHHHH HI TYSM I WAS HOPING SOMEONE WOULD ASK. I read the entire book in 2 hours before going to bed like four days ago, though it probably wasn't the best time to do it, that shit is nightmare fuel

I'm just gonna preface this with I know basically nothing about the actual author other than what's in the book, also I read the manga version (the junji ito one, yeah) so yeah I'm not sure how much that differs from the original text.

So for how much he based it off of the book vs the actual author, I couldn't really tell you- no longer human is somewhat of an autobiography, so I'd say that those work together. (it's complicated, bc the main character of no longer human is not actually dazai, but dazai is there, and they like??? basically say that that character and dazai are like actually the same person???? and they like, switch places at the end?? its really confusing, but basically, I'm treating the mc of no longer human as dazai himself.) The important stuff about the author that I know of worked into dazai's character is all in no longer human too so,,, yeah. I think saying that it's based more off of that book is probably true, though I don't know what asagiri was thinking.

But about the book itself- Yeah uhhhhhh seriously, I don't really recommend reading no longer human if you have much of a sensitivity to basically anything, especially the graphic novel version because when i say graphic novel i mean Graphic there is so much nudity, sex, s/a, addiction, violence, Mental Illness of all types, religious trauma, obviously suicide, and frankly just visually horrifying stuff

So everything under this is gonna be under a cut just cause Uh Yeah It's A Lot and i do not want to subject everybody to it

But reading it was certainly something I am glad I did, because it did teach me a lot about dazai and how he was created, as well as confirming a lot of theories I had about him that can't be confirmed or denied in bsd canon.

Like me and my friend were just like examining his character and kind of coming up with ideas about him- like we both agreed that he had Motherless Energy TM and that his dad had to have been an absolute fucking piece of shit. Also, we thought that he definitely had to have had A Lot of csa trauma and probably issues having to do with his neurodivergency when he was a child.

Literally all of that ended up being true within the canon of no longer human, so I was kind of impressed that we were so right?? It makes me feel better for thinking a lot of those things, especially since they're just Pretty Fucked Up.

But yeah its. No wonder he turned out that way when he was So Autistic and Masking So Much And So Badly and with absolutely no guidance as how to deal with his neurodivergency other than just fucking let anything anyone wanted happen sooooo he got raped, as a kid, like. A lot. A LOT. And basically ended up thinking that because of this all humans were just horrifying awful monsters and yeahhhhh things pretty much went downhill from there

I don't have a ton of time so you can send me more asks about it lol this is just barely scratching the surface this thing is pretty intense

A lot of other things that I think I can apply to bsd dazai as well, tho they're not gone into that much in the canon:

-This dude is like always fucking drunk or high, cause he just cannot stand being sober that much. He's a serious alcoholic and actually addicted to opioids and I cannot think that much differently about dazai. He's got issues.

but there are a lot of differences between Dazai and the no longer human mc, though there are enough similarities that this is definitely the dude he was based off of.

The main difference is that the no longer human mc is actually just a good guy. He's made a shit ton of stupid fucking mistakes, but he's trying to be a good man and he feels awful for the things he's done, which, I really cannot say Dazai has. Dazai is not a good man, I think everyone knows that. He doesn't really care that much lol

-both of them are like. Weirdly popular with women. Which is hilarious but like, with Dazai he doesn't really take it seriously, and he actually flirts with women. The no longer human guy like. He doesn't hes just like Tragically Attractive and women want to be with him and he has no clue how to say no so he just ends up being a whore bc hes socially useless. It causes a lot of problems bc hes like constantly cheating because of this lol.

-Dazai has a much more poetic view of it all? The no longer human guy is just fucking suffering and hes like why is this happening to me im so awful and i bring misfortune to everyone around me and its not fair and he wants to die and everything but it's not at all in the same way that Dazai does. Dazai acts more like an author than him, in the sense of his "I want a death that is narriatively satisfactory and I want to know the meaning of living by seeing the worst of it and observing how it is to be a human" yeah that's not the same at all. No longer human man really just doesn't understand them and is just. Not having fun

-Also, it's really the thing about Dazai having such an utter lack of religion compared to his original counterpart. Like, the main thing that kept this dude alive for so long was the fact that he had so much religious trauma and was constantly guilty and worried he would go to hell and basically scared of everything. Bsd dazai is like, nearly the opposite, he's the kind of dude who was born and raised atheist, and in the kind of way that he's trying to basically come up with his own meaning of life and religion to follow, whereas the original is struggling to live with one that's been perscribed to him. Both are Very Neurodivergent but it was, handled differently

And yeah i really do have to keep this short, you can totally ask me more and I have a lot more to say but one thing I want to bring attention to is the fact of something they do have in common- their masking. It's a big part of no longer human, about how the mc doesn't understand social customs and what is acceptable or how to talk to people or seriously be happy, so he basically comes up with this "clowning" which is basically, make a fool of himself on purpose all the time so people will never take him seriously or think he's good or smart. That's something dazai completely does, wholeheartedly, and something that fucks him up bad in no longer human. And I think that could be examined a lot more deeply, this dude has issues and so many of them are related to autism. God, I have so many thoughts but aghhhhhhhhhhhhh i hope u enjoy

#rowan gets yelled at #rowan's hyperfixation essays #rowan watches bsd

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yakuzacasual · 3 years

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My friend introduced me to your blog and I aM IN TEARS. Your writing is so good!! 😫 #WritersGoals. Your Relationship 101 with Shinada was adorable and now I'm soft! Do you have any ideas for Rikiya? I miss him a lot ;3; Thank you for writing!!💞

PREFACE

Sksks thank you so much for the kind words I am meeeeeelting here. R101 with Shinada is one of my favourite pieces I’ve written actually so I’m happy to see other people enjoy it as well. Please give my regards to your friend as well, I hope you’re both doing fantasic and I’m glad I could finally whip up a little something for out lovely boy Rikiya. Also ASAHI GAY RIGHTS, YES.

RELATIONSHIP 101 WITH RIKIYA SHIMABUKURO

It is most likely that he was the first one to approach you back in the days before your relationship. However, even if he did, he definitely doesn’t remember it. No matter how much you tease him for it or imply that it’s an act, he still just doesn’t. Maybe he was scoping you out for the longest time and getting drunk seemed like the only way to finally get himself to approach you or maybe it was the other way round where Rikiya approached you way too sober, embarrassed himself and just straight out fainted the moment you were out of the earshot? Mikio and God only know. And frankly, you’ll have better chances trying to learn it from the latter, because there is simply no way the blond cutie would ever betray his bro.

On that note, it is of utmost importance for Rikiya to make sure that you and Mikio get along when he is not around. Both of you are now the most important people in his life and he simply cannot accept the relationship as it is if you’re not feeling comfortable around each other. Don’t take him for a wimp, he WILL step in. After all, you’ll be hanging out together quite a lot. The rule does apply differently depending on which one of you is the core of the problem, though. If it’s you being unnecessarily hard on Mikio, Rikiya is very likely to first get into a big fight about it with you and if nothing changes afterwards, he’ll just decide to break up. No matter how attached he may be to you, he is a firm believer of “bros before hoes” and you can’t change that. When it’s Mikio being mean, oh, that’s an entirely different story. He gets mad defensive about you, deflecting most criticisms that feel invalid with lines like “You’re just jealous”. It will put a strain on their relationship until the moment you and Miko end up working out your problems yourselves while Mr Shimabukuro is busy being sulky. And then he’s going to boast about how he resolved the situation. Silly man, but you both love him a lot.

He does his absolute best to seem like the knight in a shining armour. A bit loud and clumsy at times, sure, but romantic and traditional to a fault all the same. Rikiya is dead set on treating you like royalty. The basic gentleman etiquette is all there, sometimes to the point of being somewhat over the top, but he’s ready to do way more than that. He’ll be there at your every beck and call and will do pretty much anything you ask, even the most ridiculous or atrocious acts he is ready to undertake should you only ask. While he insists on doing literally everything for you, he wouldn’t let you do anything for him, which causes a great imbalance in the relationship. At some point it may end up feeling very overbearing and uncomfortable to you, but it’s surprisingly easy to solve if you just try and talk about it with Rikiya. He’ll be absolutely embarrassed by his own actions, but will definitely promise to draw a healthier line in his wish to support you.

If you’re not a local, this man will shower you in Okinawa trinkets and weird little facts only a true connoisseur would know. Being able to flex his robust knowledge of the land in front of his beloved makes him feel absolutely divine. He does expect you to make fun of him, though, like many others have done before, and would be pleasantly surprised when you either match his excitement or just let him carry on with a smile. He’ll get so, so soft if you praise him, too! And you can bet that you’re going to get the best guide around Okinawa you’ll ever have. He’ll introduce you to every single nook and cranny and you’ll get to meet every single of his local friends. Prepare to have to carry your boyfriend home, though. He’ll get teased to hell and back by every single person that stops you, about him manning up and finally getting himself a partner. No one will be even remotely surprised if you’re not on the feminine side, too. They’ll just accept you as you are, as long as you don’t break their favourite boy’s heart. Additionally, he doesn’t like to leave his home island all that much, but he definitely would not object to visiting your own home town should you ask him to.

Okay, so you know how he and Mikio basically were adopted by the orphanage as the favourite uncles? Well, you’re a part of that family now, deal with it. Even if you’re not exactly the type to like kids, getting to watch Rikiya play sports with them or try to help with homework he absolutely does not understand is as wholesome as it is hilarious. In a way, he’s got a hand for older children and would be over the moon to have you join him intaking care of them. You can count on the orphans to tell you about every time uncle Rikiya talks about you tenderly (or has talked in the past, even before you two were a thing) or is making heart eyes at you as you busy yourself with helping Haruka. He absolutely adores watching that side of his beloved that kids can take out of you, which often ends up with him fantasizing about the family he wishes to have with you some day.

#yakuza #yakuza 3 #Ryu ga Gotoku #rgg #yakuza x reader #rgg x reader #yakuza x you #rikiya x reader #rikiya shimabukuro #yakuza imagines #imagine #Headcanon #request

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skeletorific · 4 years

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man i just wanna throw this out there and i think you'll catch it, how do you think some of the ancestors would take an invite to a human thing like a party or a ceremony? like if it was prefaced with 'compared to troll events there's a strict no one dies policy and a be human-style nice to people you don't particularly like or care for rule as well' idk if even the first ship crew would come along, and tbh i wouldn't really fault them because it's new and spoopy and they're dead after all

Ok, so you have thrown it, and I have caught it. I am unsure if I caught it in the direction you threw it, but I have caught SOMETHING and it is something I love dearly.

So, this question: I had to think for a moment. What scenario results in every single ancestor being in the same locale, in such a capacity that they are forced to interact, not only with each other, but with humans, to the point that not only can they not kill anyone but there is literally no point in killing each other?

....

....OH WAIT EARTH C-

So yeah, everyone say thank you paradox space. There had to be at least one dream bubble out there from a timeline where the alphas got yoinked into sburb as their Alternian selves by mistake right?

So, let’s assume they’ve had a few months to settle in, adjust to modern life. Troll kingdom has issued an ultimatum to the more....chaotic Ancestors in terms of the rearranged hemospectrum. They will, to quote Karkat, “FUCKING DEAL WITH IT”. Not an easy pill to swallow for a few of them, but then, a few millenia in the dream bubbles has forcibly mellowed them quite a bit and eventually its just more trouble than its worth.

I have a lot of thoughts on this timeline (ancestors get apartments are you kidding me, the potential), but let’s return to the question at hand.

The invitation makes the rounds through a lot of ghost communities, but a particularly bold human approaches the Ancestors themselves with an invite to one of the bigger ragers being thrown in the human kingdom. The celebration of the return of the gods is always a blowout, and this year promises to be especially so, with something between a gala and a block party planned to be pitched.

So here’s why they all show up, and here’s what they do:

The Handmaid is an odd duck. Sure, there’s a certain morose pleasure in watching the cosmic plans of the man who abused her from childhood fall apart because of a handful of chump kids, but that doesn’t mean she’s happy to be back here with these assholes, and it doesn’t mean she’s looking to build a social life. She’s perfectly happy to spend the rest of her days haunting the abandoned house she found on the outskirts of the carapace kingdom and terrorize any local teens that stick their noses where they aren’t wanted. When the uni student turns up with a flyer she cusses them out but good and sends them on their way with a couple of threats to life and limb.

And then shows up anyways.

Not to socialize, mind, just to watch. From the rafters probably. Snickering at all the drama going down, dropping spiders in Makara’s drink and stealing Dualscar’s watch when he’s not looking. And maybe see if Condy gets drunk enough to want a rematch. Laws be damned. Now THIS is a party.

The Signless’s entire crew is a bit of a chain pull. The Disciple wants to go extremely badly, so of course she manages to purrsuade The Signless to come with her. The Psiionic doesn’t want to go period but he’ll be damned if he’s letting Vantas out of his sight into an unguarded area. The Dolorosa wanted to go this whole time and is the one who got Leijon all riled up about it in the first place, but pretends she’s just doing it to keep an eye on Vantas and Captor.

Once there, they’re not exactly social butterflies, but compared to the others they’re practically savants. Leijon prowls on the edges of crowds, listening for snatches of information, and enjoys constructing narratives in her own mind about the relationships between all of them. Vantas finds himself pulled into a lot of conversations just to explain his life’s work (and, to his chagrin, to destabilize a few myths he’s accrued over the centuries). He tries to keep a level head but after a few beers though he’s hotly debating politics with three or four Kankri ghosts and has to be dragged away by Captor, who’s been following him and Leijon like a kid following their parent at a family reunion. Maryam disappeared hours ago and doesn’t get back home late, looking a little bit smug but tight-lipped about her evening. All four of them avoid the other Ancestors like the plague.

Neophyte Redglare of all of them has probably adjusted the best to this new life. Unlike the others, she’s actually gotten some friends that weren’t a part of the dream bubbles, and would happily spend most of the evening chattering with them. Still, for reasons we’ll get into it later, she spends most of it babysitting Makara and doing a bit of pitch-flirting with everyone’s favorite pir8.

Speaking of the Marquise Mindfang Spineret, like the Handmaid she protested loudly she was too cool for this party and then showed up anyways. Still, its not like she’s there to socialize. Most of what she does is spot the people who look like they might be heading off to bigger and more illegal things outside the party and without a word installing herself as part of their social circle. She invites Nitram, but her matesprit is a little occupied with an old enemy. That’s fine, she appreciates a score to settle, but its not fun if someone isn’t paying attention to her antics. Fortunately, Pyrope is happy to oblige her, and Dualscar is a delightful enough lackey while he’s still sober enough to handle it (so, for about five minutes). All told, an entert8ning evening indeed ;;;)

Executor Darkleer shows up for roughly ten minutes, near the very end, and does what he’s done at most social gatherings since they left the dream bubbles: stand awkwardly in the corner, stare at Leijon, and wonder if they’re still cool. Are they still cool? Probably? Right? But who’s to say. He absconds early to go work on his personal projects and probably punch something.

The Summoner is in peak form. Like Vantas, he has plenty of questions coming his way, and while no Nitram has ever been arrogant, he’s at least a little indulgent about some, shall we say, popular headcanons that have popped up since then. He’s slamming beers to cover up the usual low level of social anxiety (a battlefield he can handle, but a soiree is another matter altogether), and its working. He’s flirting a storm through the ballroom, something Serket is probably going to give him repercussions for. Its also making him a little, uh....confrontational, shall we say. So when he spot an old, clowny foe, well...

Oh, The Grand Highblood.

He didn’t want to come. Full stop. Picked the wriggler with the flyer up by the back of their shirt and turned them around. Damn lucky he didn’t just throw them out. He wasn’t going to show up at this meaningless little heretical shindig, bump shoulders with strangers and be bored out of his motherfucking skull to boot. The only reason he got dragged in is Peixes didn’t give him a lot of other options. So here he is. Standing like a grim spectre of everyone’s demise, sullenly scowling at anyone who approaches and snarling at anyone who opens their protein chute in his direction.

For about five minutes.

What can I say, clowns love parties. A couple of faygos later (if you think Condy didn’t come prepared you’re crazy) and this brawny ass goat is getting turnt out of his mind on the dancefloor. Nobody knows exactly what the fuck he’s doing with his body but its definitely deeply explicit and more than a little alarming. Still, it suits the environment, and there’s this unaccountable field of manic energy that just sort of erupts around him, escalating the party wherever he goes. Redglare has to babysit him (because Peixes, Serket and Ampora sure won’t, and who the fuck knows where Zahhak is), and even still he ends up with a busted keg dangling from one of his horns. He is feeding off of this motherfucking rhapsody tonight, fellas, and the grisly bastard has more than a few sick bars in him.

Orphaner Dualscar is decidedly less enthused. Nothing quite like being a failed romantic footnote in the only surviving account of your life to kill your rep as an intimidating pirate. He’s not adjusting well to modern life, and mostly spends the night in the corner with a solo cup, scowling at any and all. For a while he joins Serket in her activities but eventually is too soused to really participate, and she ditches him. Which is starting to become a recurring trend. He spends the rest of the night trying to seduce someone, literally, anyone, just get him out of this fucking stupid party, he’s so FUCKIN LONELY GOG-

up to you if it actually works or not.

Meanwhile, Her (Formerly) Imperial Condescension.....look, Peixes can’t stay away from a party. Even a lame-ass one for guppies 3>8(. I mean, the no killing thing is REALLY fucking cramping her style, but to be frank its more trouble than its worth. Most of them just come back as ghosts and try to bonk you back. Annoying is what it is. So, fine, she agrees, no culling.

Doesn’t mean the party can’t at least be interesting, and that’s damn well what she brought Makara to do for her. Works like a charm, too, Makara might be a grumpy basshole but he knows how to cut loose when he wants to. She’s chanting him through chugging an entire keg on his own with a small crowd of people when she spots a familiar pair of impossibly wide horns. Ohhh shit, get the grubcorn-.....wait, is that Megido in the rafters?!

No trolls or humans were (fatally) harmed in the making of this evening’s closing act, but suffice to say the building wasn’t so lucky. Two reenactments of the more legendary battles in Alternian history (which is saying something) was more than the palace could handle. In the end they were separated and sent to dry out in separate cells, Dave using his time powers to keep a handle on the The Handmaid.

Suffice to say it’ll be a while before any of them get another invitation.

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artificialqueens · 4 years

Text

Case Closed (Part 1/2) - Shalaska - pureCAMP

A/N - So… guess who watched Brooklyn 99 and then decided to… make something…

It was me. I did that.

So, to preface - I made this inspired by (as you’ll see when you read) Jake and Amy, but not entirely because I like to make my own characters. Anyway, here’s the one where the gang are detectives.

(Also, this will be submitted in two parts consecutively. It was intended to be a oneshot, but it’s… you know… 18.5k words. I really don’t know either. Happy quarantine and much love to any key workers, affected students or teachers out there <3

It was a perfectly normal day in the precinct and Alaska was forty minutes late to work.

In some of her previous jobs, such as waitressing in that horrible little restaurant or working as a store clerk as a teenager, being forty minutes late would almost certainly mean being fired. However, Alaska revelled in the fact that she would most definitely not be fired for her tardiness, and she grinned proudly as she was met with polite applause.

The gentleman who she led in with cuffs behind her didn’t seem quite so receptive to her hero’s welcome.

“Check out this punk,” Alaska announced to the room. “Busted with two hundred kilos of cocaine in his storage unit and found to be the asshole behind that huge drug ring we’ve been tracking. Proud of yourself, bud?”

As expected, her roughed-up drug dealer said nothing, staring fixedly at his reflection in the handcuffs.

“Good work, Detective Thunder.” Captain Tidicue nodded, impressed. “Take him to the holding cell, meeting in five minutes in the break room. Dismissed.”

It was a perfectly normal day, Alaska’s perp was in the holding cell, and as she stepped into the break room, she bumped shoulders with Jinkx.

“Detective Tsunami.”

“Detective Lightning.”

Jinkx’s smile, as always, seemed to stretch from ear to ear and her lipstick was eerily red. Captain Tidicue had tried a few times to get her to tone down the brightness of her makeup, but eventually she had gotten so fond of Jinkx that she let the matter go entirely. Jinkx seemed to get away with a lot of things in that way, and Alaska loved her for it. As a matter of fact, so did the rest of the squad.

Captain Tidicue closed the door behind them and took her place at the front of the room. There was absolutely nothing extraordinary about a normal morning briefing, even if Alaska had been forty minutes late. That happened sometimes and nobody minded. Everything was normal.

“Good morning everybody. I wanted to let you know that we’ll be welcoming a new detective to our squadron beginning today. She’s experienced and smart and she just moved into the area, I think she’ll be a good addition to our team. I want you all to welcome her.” Tidicue smiled. “I know you will. Let her adapt to our ways, yeah? Make her one of us. Anyway, Detective Needles is on her way now. Dismissed.”

She headed off, leaving the rest of the team to break out into excited discussions, with zero intention of running straight to their desks. Jinkx turned to Alaska with a loud laugh.

“Short, sweet, concise. Never thought I’d see that from a New Yorker.” She quipped.

Alaska chuckled. “Okay, Chicago, calm down.”

“Whatever, Pennsylvania.” Jinkx paused. “Fuck, that isn’t nearly as insulting even though we’re just naming states.”

From across the room, Sergeant Royale beckoned the two of them over, where she was chatting with Detectives Velour, Coulee and Michaels. Inexplicably, Willam, the notoriously work-shy secretary, had also managed to sneak her way in and was perched on the table, right in the midst of the conversation.

“So! New detective, huh? Things are getting exciting round here.” Latrice fought back her laugh as Alaska, rising to the bait despite knowing it had been laid there just to get her, opened her mouth.

“Hey! I literally just busted a massive drug trafficking ring! Is that not exciting?”

The squad laughed, and Alaska acquiesced with a giggle. “But seriously? Detective Needles? Do you think she’s just really good at drug cases or what?”

A new voice appeared suddenly. “Well, yeah. But unfortunately that’s my actual name.”

Alaska whirled around and promptly smashed foreheads with possibly the most beautiful woman she’d ever seen. The woman in question reeled backwards slightly and started to rub her head, but offered her hand and a charming smile regardless.

“Detective Needles. Your story is pretty impressive, I’m sorry that my name is stealing your thunder.”

Alaska started to giggle in spite of herself. “Oh my god, this is brilliant. Hi, Detective Needles, I’m Detective Thunder.”

“You’re shitting me. That’s such a fucking cool name.”

“And Needles isn’t?”

“Yours is cooler.”

“No way!” Alaska faced her colleagues again. “Am I really arguing with someone about whose name is cooler and I’m not on my own side? Jinkx, slap me.”

Jinkx raised her hand. “Gladly!”

Before she could deliver what was sure to be an almighty sobering smack, Latrice butted in with a calming hand and her ever-diplomatic ways. “The only way to solve this is by first names. At the same time, go.”

“Alaska.”

“Sharon. Fuck!”

Sharon crossed her arms over her chest as Alaska celebrated her victory. “God, I hate my parents right now. They gave me the most suburban white mom name ever.”

Thus began Alaska’s first triumph over Sharon Needles. Sharon Needles, who was a detective, who would be working a few feet across the room from her now, who was surprisingly tall and with dark curls that really suited her face and eyes that were surprisingly sparkly even though she seemed like she would be quite intimidating in the interrogation room and a leather jacket that made her look so badass and-

Detective Needles made quite a strong impression on that perfectly normal day.

It turned out that Detectives Thunder and Needles worked together like a dream. Alaska called them thick as thieves, once, and Sharon proceeded to double over in incredulous laughter that her partner hadn’t even noticed her own hilariously unintentional joke.

Usually, Captain Tidicue would assign Alaska to work with Jinkx, given the close nature of their friendship, but seeing Sharon’s arrest numbers at a similar rate to Alaska’s, she had decided they could work the case together instead. It was almost like she didn’t know they had an unspoken bet about who was going to get more, and that it was actually a very spoken bet that was being monitored daily by tally marks on the whiteboard and was currently tied.

And she almost definitely did know about the bet, because there was no way Latrice hadn’t told her.

“Okay. I think, when we catch this guy, we both add a point to our list of arrests since we did it together. That cool?”

Sharon laughed. “Ooh, feeling nervous? You want to keep us on an equal playing ground, huh?”

“No, I just don’t wanna hurt your feelings,” She teased, “I know you’re a little sensitive. You need these arrests to make you feel cool.”

“I’m already cool.”

Alaska snorted. “Right, sure. I did some sneaky detective work and found out your favourite show is Jeopardy.”

Sharon frowned at her, the mirth evident behind her eyes. “You mean, you followed my Twitter? Also, Jeopardy is a great show, and if I was straight, I’d go for Alex Trebek in a heartbeat.”

They were nestled in a discreet car to help them blend into the city, dressed casually to avoid arousing suspicion. When Sharon rocked up in leopard print and leather, Alaska had first mercilessly mocked her before admitting that she was highly impressed by the choice of attire, and wished her jeans were quite as bold. Naturally, Sharon gave as good as she got.

Still, they had been getting bored waiting for their suspect to turn up around town, and had taken to mindless conversation. It was beginning to get… interesting.

“Alex Trebek?! Sharon, he’s like ninety.”

“He’s seventy nine!” Sharon shrugged, and then chuckled and conceded. “He’s a total zaddy, okay, you wouldn’t get it. Anyway, he’s a man so I’m not actually into him, and no one will believe that I told you this so you have zero leverage.”

Alaska leant back in her chair, keeping her eyes on the street. “Well, if you can hold that against me, I can do that too. I used to be terrified of Marilyn Manson as a child, but then when I was a preteen - so before I was gay - I had a crush on him. There. Something no one will believe.”

Sharon gasped. “You monster. I’m dying to use that against you!”

“Well, you can’t.”

“I can’t believe you’re aroused by scary people. Do you jack it to Freddy Kreuger or something?”

“This is getting weird.”

“Agreed.” Sharon held up her hands. “In all fairness, you took it there, not me. So, we should quickly go over the plan because the asshole just turned up for his shift at the store, fifteen minutes after it should’ve started.”

She pointed. A tall, balding white man was entering the run-down convenience store, his bright employee vest halfheartedly tucked into his baggy trousers. Alaska looked down at their case file and nodded.

“Alright. Darren Jones, you’re going down. Sharon, tell me your fake name and invent a story to go with it, I like a bit of storytelling. Adds some pizazz to the case.”

Sharon rolled her eyes and giggled. “You’re the world’s most immature detective. We don’t need to go undercover for this.”

Alaska raised an eyebrow. “It’s fun, Needles. Much more fun than watching episodes of Jeopardy.”

“Rude, but fine. My name is Sarah Anne Jefferson and I’m visiting from Iowa, I have an addiction to cigarettes and I need the store clerk to search all the way at the back of the shelf for the good ones, because I may be desperate but I’m still picky and that bullshit fake excuse means he’ll have to face away from us so we can surround him. I also happen to be very conversational and may casually ask him about his weekend during my rambling about my dumb boyfriend Brad, who’s from California.”

Alaska shuddered, snapping the case file shut. “I don’t know what’s worse, California or Iowa. Gross.”

Sharon winked, and Alaska maybe found it a little bit hot. “Iowa. I grew up there, it’s terrible. The town I lived in is famous for dryers and meth. A great combo.”

“I’d argue California is still worse.”

“You’re right.” Sharon undid her seatbelt. “Okay. Detective Thunder, you’re heading to the back of the store so that you can search for the milk and sneak round so we got him on both sides and he can’t run. You ready?”

Alaska winked back. “Born ready, baby.”

So what if Alaska became a detective just to pretend she was one of those badass cops from a movie? It was worth it - she could protect civilians, take down bad guys and pretend to be a cool movie cop, all at the same time.

She browsed the store idly, waiting until she heard Sharon enter the store and began listening for her cue. Darren Jones was connected to a series of robberies around the area, and despite his penchant for breaking into places without witnesses, the guy was a total dunce. Each of his crime scenes had several valuable items stolen, all of which had been recovered in his apartment earlier that day, and he was stupid enough to leave fingerprints all over the items and the crime scene.

He was a terribly unskilled criminal, that was for sure. Whilst Alaska loved cracking the difficult cases, this one had been pretty fun. It was like watching a child blundering their way through college. He had no idea what he was doing, and it was an easy arrest.

“Hi there! My name’s Sarah Anne, sweetie, y’all got cigarettes in here? Oh, perfect, thank you so much. Listen, I know this is an odd request, but do you mind digging for the ones at the back of the top shelf? They’re always better when the air can’t get to ‘em, you know?”

Alaska held her breath, fighting not to laugh as Sharon exaggerated her Iowan accent. There was nothing… objectively funny about the accent, just that fact that it was Sharon’s but stronger and the fact that Sharon seemed to work so hard to convince everyone of how much she loved Pittsburgh when she had lived there. She almost always sounded like she was born there, except for now.

Nobody else would find it funny. But Alaska knew her and Sharon would laugh about it later, because they had great banter and no one else could stop them. She crept further along the aisles, inching closer to the cashier desk, listening.

“-asshole boyfriend Brett convinced me to smoke them like that years ago and I always do now. He was here all weekend, driving me nuts. Did you get busy this weekend?”

Alaska readied herself, the signal having been sent. The idiot cashier/criminal kept his back turned as he responded, allowing Alaska to position herself behind him on the other side of Sharon.

“Oh, not really, just hung out at home…”

He trailed off when he saw their police badges glinting in his direction.

“NYPD, you’re under arrest for three robberies. Darren Jones, you did have a busy weekend, huh?”

It was highly unprofessional, but Alaska still offered a high-five on the way back to the car, dragging the cuffed Darren behind them, and Sharon still accepted it.

“I thought your asshole boyfriend was Brad? You said Brett.”

“Did I? Oh, I’m cheating on Brett with Brad. They don’t know about each other.”

“Depth! Nice, I love it. Real fleshed out character.”

“Shut up.” Sharon started the car. “So, one more arrest for me since I said the words, so that’s 25 to Needles and 24 to Thunder-”

Immediately, Alaska had to protest. “What?! No, we agreed to split it. A point each, he was an easy one.”

Sharon fiddled with her badge, deep in thought. “Okay, fine. We need some stakes, though.”

“I’m vegetarian.”

“No, not steaks! Stakes!”

“The things you kill vampires with?”

“No! Like, a reason for our bet.” Sharon’s eyes glinted dangerously, and Alaska sucked in an excited breath. “Something that we want from each other. Personally, I want to crush your spirit.”

Alaska nodded. “Alright, nice. I also want to crush your spirit. Maybe we should be more specific.”

An idea started forming in Alaska’s head, and for once it felt like a pretty good one. Naturally, Alaska loved to embarrass and humiliate people, and she loved for people to bring her up in conversation all the time, and her idea would work perfectly for that. Plus, it would be hilarious, particularly for her, and it would make for one hell of a story.

“I got it. However, judging by the slight inclination of your head and the beginnings of a smirk on your face, you’ve got an idea. Hit me with it.”

Predictably, Sharon grinned. “Okay, Detective Alaska Thunder. When I win this bet, you have to watch reruns of Jeopardy with me, and you have to play along. No sitting and saying it’s boring, or dorky-”

“It is dorky.”

“-Didn’t ask - you have to answer questions or rag on the idiots who answer the questions wrong with me. Full involvement, it’s my favourite show.”

As she resisted calling Sharon a dork for the second time (she really was a complete dork beneath her incredible cop/badass persona), Alaska hissed outwardly. She really didn’t want to watch some stupid quiz show, not when there were so many better things on TV these days. For example, Golden Girls reruns.

“Fine.” Alaska smiled. “I think it’s adorable how you used when and not if. So, when I win this bet, you…”

She held her breath for dramatic effect, watching as Sharon playfully rolled her eyes.

“…Will go on a date with me. And it will be the worst date of your life. I will make sure of it.”

Sharon made a disbelieving face. “Yeah, right. I had a date once where the girl spilled her entire glass of red wine onto my dress and then cried for two hours about her ex, who it turned out she had invited to the restaurant so that she could beg her to get back together. Nothing can top that.”

Alaska sucked in a breath. “Oooh. One, that’s terrible, and two, you just set the highest bar for this date and that is going to be your downfall. I will humiliate you, Needles. You just wait and see.”

“You’re on.”

A few weeks passed. Alaska took a considerable lead, and swanned into the precinct every morning with the arrogance level of, according to Captain Tidicue, a peacock who had stumbled into a Las Vegas dressing room. No one had been quite sure about whether that was a compliment or not, judging by her stony, passive face, until it suddenly morphed into a cartoonish grin and they swiftly left the briefing room amid terrified laughter.

Then, Sharon’s arson case took an interesting turn and Alaska watched, green with envy and competitive spirit, as she made six arrests in one day and started closing the gap between them.

“That’s how you do it, Thunder.” Sharon mimed injecting into her forearm, which in hindsight was probably a little inappropriate, but only Alaska saw it, and she didn’t give a shit.

“Do what, Needles? Get a crippling addiction?”

Sharon shrugged. “I guess I’m just addicted to justice, baby. You better start reading up on your trivia.”

She took off with an infuriating amount of swagger, even worse than that of a Las Vegas peacock.

“That was a fucking fantastic line, Alaska.”

“Shut up, Jinkx.”

“Ladies and gentlemen of our squad, no need to be alarmed, but this is just a reminder for Detective Sharon Needles to clear her calendar for our deadline, because she’s looking at a brilliant officer who just took her total up to 41, dwarfing your measly little 37.”

Latrice high-fived Alaska, and Sharon groaned. “Seriously? What the fuck, how?”

“Simple theft case turned murder investigation, naturally. Gang crime. Boom!”

At Detective Michaels’ stern face, she deflated slightly. “Okay. Gang crime and murder isn’t cool nor acceptable to celebrate in the workplace, however, I am winning.”

It was 11pm, which meant that Sharon had definitely missed that night’s Jeopardy episode, and yet Alaska noted that it didn’t even seem like she cared. Maybe that was her professionalism, given that they were on a short stakeout waiting for a drug deal to go down so that they could rush in and arrest the guys, but whatever. She hadn’t even mentioned it, and they had been talking a lot.

Jinkx had been Alaska’s best friend ever since she joined the precinct as a new officer. They had connected so well, and it almost felt like they were easy best friends within a week or two. But it wasn’t quite like that with Sharon.

If anything, it was totally the opposite. They got along extremely well, but it wasn’t the kind of easy-going friendship that she shared with Jinkx, not at all. Of course, they talked personally the same way, and argued and laughed and cooperated the same way, but being around Sharon didn’t feel easy. It felt… exciting, almost. Invigorating.

Perhaps it was the thrill of a new friend, coupled with an exciting job and a fantastic work relationship.

“It’s getting late, I hope this drug deal happens before three in the fucking morning. I’d love to get some sleep tonight.” Alaska groaned, sitting down on a plastic chair beside Sharon. She had perched on an overturned storage container, as apparently the roof of the building they were staked out on didn’t have much in the way of garbage removal.

“We can take shifts, if you like? If it gets real late and we’re exhausted, I mean. I’d happily take first watch.”

Sharon tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear, and Alaska watched her with a soft smile. “I can’t let you do that, Needles, that’s not fair. But, I did bring snacks, so that should give us some energy. How do you feel about…”

She dug into her bag. “Uh, off-brand chocolate counter things? I hear they’re pretty good… probably.”

In the moonlight, Sharon’s skin looked almost blue, like a nymph. Her quiet giggle was mesmerising after the awkward silence of an abandoned industrial site.

“I won’t turn them down.”

They kept watch, determined not to miss any minor discrepancies that would reveal their perpetrator in the midst of the darkness. All they needed was one damning deal, some incriminating photographs, and they could make their arrest and still get a good night’s sleep.

In the meantime, they had their ways of entertaining themselves. Namely, telling horrific jokes, and attempting to catch chocolate counters in their mouths, at which Sharon was awful.

Yet another victory Alaska could laud over her.

She doubled over in laughter as Sharon kept trying, missing by miles and in turn, collapsing into giggles. Her head was bent at all kinds of strange angles as she kept going, the counters flying everywhere but her mouth, even pinging off the edge of the roof. The closest she came was landing smack on the middle of Sharon’s forehead, which she counted as a win, and Alaska counted as a complete and utter fail.

“I can’t fathom someone being that bad at catching them in your mouth! It’s so easy!” Alaska wheezed. “Look, let me show you.”

Sharon stood up. “Fine, fine, you gotta teach me. As soon as I throw it, I can’t see it anymore! I don’t get your game, Thunder!”

Alaska stood in front of her, close so that Sharon could watch. She quite liked being taller than her partner - it meant Sharon had to look up to her, just like she would be when Alaska won their bet. It must’ve been a humbling feeling, Alaska assumed.

“See? Watch.” She flicked the counter into the air and caught it deftly on her tongue. “Easy. Challenge mode, throw me more than one. Get a good handful or something.”

Sharon’s hand was already reaching into the bag. “You’re never gonna get all these. Nobody’s that good.”

“Try me.”

The handful rained down out of nowhere, and needless to say, Sharon’s cackles of delight made the meagre one counter that she managed to catch seem a little better. A good amount of them had fallen onto her face, anyway, so by Sharon’s standards, that must count as a win.

“I concede, you’re the chocolate champion. Congrats.” Sharon grinned.

Bowing, Alaska offered her most dazzling smile. “Told you I’m amazing.”

“And you have chocolate on your face. Real dignified.”

“Ha! You’re bluffing.”

“No, I’m serious!” Sharon’s eyes sparkled with humour. “Let me get it.”

She closed the tiny gap between them and stepped closer, Alaska again noting the slight height difference between them and how kind and sweet the moonlight made Sharon’s features appear. Her eyebrows furrowed and then relaxed as she reached an admittedly cold hand towards Alaska’s lips. Everything seemed to happen agonisingly slow, as she gently brushed her thumb over the corner of Alaska’s mouth and her expression softened. In the background, Alaska heard a car door shut. She never wanted to take her eyes away from Sharon in the moment, but regrettably found herself doing so.

“I think that’s our guy.”

She sighed, internally cursing herself over and over as they each took a step backwards, Sharon coughing and righting herself with a nod. “Right. Armed and ready?”

Alaska nodded, confused about why she felt so disappointed. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

They caught the guys red-handed. Alaska said the words, so she took credit for the arrests.

Sharon rewrote the scores on the board and blew raspberries at her. Detective Velour suggested that Sharon had sunk to Alaska levels of childishness, to which she received a high-five from most of the other detectives, some laughs of agreement, and one outraged huff followed by a much louder raspberry than Sharon’s had been.

When Alaska got to her desk, Jinkx was already there waiting. She held a case file between her fingers and she tapped her foot impatiently as Alaska sat down and looked at her.

“Tidicue just thanked Sharon for the two of you offering to take that drug stakeout and rejecting the backup offer.”

Alaska shrugged. “That was nice of her.”

Jinkx pressed on. “She seemed a little confused. Almost as if she didn’t know that the two of you volunteered, or that there was a backup team. I didn’t pry, but I saw her face. Just wondering when you were planning on admitting that you like her.”

Something about the accusation made Alaska feel a little hot under the collar. What the hell was Jinkx trying to imply? That she liked Sharon? It made no sense. Alaska took comfort in how absurd it was.

“Of course I like Sharon,” She chose to respond, deliberately ignoring the obvious implication. “She’s a great detective and a good friend. We didn’t need backup, so I didn’t ask for it.”

Inexplicably, Jinkx’s eye roll was almost audible. “Or you were just enjoying your alone time…”

Alaska looked at her screen. Her computer was open and unlocked, as she’d left it, and there was a form that needed filling in before she got started on some of her paperwork that had been piling up on her desk. Really, she needed to get a move on with it all. Jinkx was highly unprofessional for interrupting her. Alaska had never done that to anyone before, of course.

“I have work to do, shut up. It wasn’t alone time, it was a stakeout! We were literally working together, as colleagues.” Alaska sent back an eye roll of her own. “I don’t like Sharon that way, she’s not my type. Don’t make it weird.”

From behind her, someone cleared their throat. Alaska spun in her chair and found Sharon having just approached, tucking her hair behind her ears and smiling awkwardly. “Tidicue said we should split the paperwork. I just came to pick up my half.”

She gathered some of the files from the desk in a few seconds and left with another brief smile. Alaska watched her go, then turned and met eyes with Jinkx, who was nothing if not a picture of smugness.

“See? We’re professionals.” Alaska retorted.

Jinkx shrugged. “Sure. Okay. I believe you. Just putting it out there that you seem so determined to win the bet and make the forfeit the worst date ever, you’re putting a lot of thought into this. But fine, I’ll leave you to it.”

As she slunk away, back to her own desk, Alaska swore she heard Jinkx humming a wedding march.

“Hey, Sharon! Hey, glad I could catch you. I just wanted to talk to you about something.”

The roof had quite the scenic view of the city. It wasn’t particularly high, but it gave a perfect vantage point of everything that Alaska considered essential to make up her home - graffiti, pigeons, dodgy food vendors and an every-man-for-himself attitude wrapped in an aura of grey bleakness. That being said, grimy and dark as it could sometimes be, there was a lot of life and colour and excitement in the city that could always be relied on to keep things interesting. As she joined Sharon by the edge of the brick wall, where she was absent-mindedly tapping off cigarette ash, they watched as passersby went about their days.

“I know you probably overheard a little of what Jinkx was saying to me, which was totally out of line, but I just wanted to make sure that I didn’t hurt your feelings or anything with what I said.”

Sharon looked pensive for a moment, then she took one final drag from her cigarette and stubbed it out before throwing it into the trash. Alaska felt strangely nervous as she waited for a response - apologies and humility were not really her style.

“Oh, it’s fine.” Sharon replied, amused. “I wasn’t hurt. My type isn’t really cocky, arrogant and goofy, so…”

Alaska laughed. “Right! Like, I’m just not into… I mean, you look like a nerdy dork who tried to reinvent herself as a biker chick by just wearing leather. Different personalities.”

“Exactly!” Sharon agreed with a smile. “You’re too blase for my tastes.”

“And you’re really Type A. Too strict for me. I don’t know what Jinkx is seeing, but she should get her eyes checked.”

Sharon giggled. “Alright, I’m going inside. You coming?”

Alaska watched a pigeon chase a man halfway down the street. “In a minute, you go ahead. I’m getting some fresh air.”

So, progress. This was good. Alaska had proved Jinkx wrong, and clarified in no uncertain terms that she didn’t like Sharon and that Sharon didn’t like her. But at the same time… cocky and arrogant. That struck a nerve, somehow. It wasn’t like her nature hadn’t been commented on before - hell, it was open game to everyone in the squad. They all knew that as a detective, and in general, Alaska was pretty lax and carefree and chilled out. But the fact that those qualities made her unattractive in Sharon’s eyes…

It wasn’t like Alaska wanted Sharon to like her, not in that way. It just… stung. It stung, and it had never stung before when others said it.

It was late. The shift was almost over, the clock edging towards midnight, and Alaska overall thought her day had been pretty good. There had been a long, tedious interrogation, but that had kept her entertained for long enough that the rest of the shift was pretty much smooth sailing. She had even had time to harmlessly prank Detective Coulée by covering her computer monitor in googly eyes, during which Latrice, her superior, and Detective Michaels, her moral superior, watched her with disapproving but amused stares.

When Sharon walked in, at two minutes to midnight, her smile lit up the room.

“Thunder, you got a pen? I need to update our arrest numbers.” She asked with a wink.

Alaska shrugged. “I never have a pen, Needles, but I know for a fact that you have one, so I see right through your little power-play.”

Sharon smirked. “Right. Just wanted to make you sweat a little, that’s all.”

She sauntered into the other room, pen in hand. Jinkx got up from her desk and scuttled across to Alaska’s, practically bouncing with excitement. Looking around the room, Alaska noticed that the rest of her colleagues were all watching her with anticipation, knowing what was about to happen. In response, Alaska just offered a grin and held her finger to her lips.

“You’re not gonna tell her?!” Jinkx scream-whispered.

Alaska shrugged again. “She can read, she’s a smart girl. Anyway, I want to hear how she reacts when she-”

“WHAT THE FUCK!”

As the room erupted into laughter, Alaska stood up in the midst of the desks and opened her arms wide. Perfectly on cue, when Sharon stepped out of the briefing room, Jinkx, Sasha and Latrice started releasing party poppers whilst Willam gladly helped Shea unfurl a banner proclaiming Alaska a champion. Detective Michaels, loathe to take part in the childishness of it all but still wanting to offer her support, broke into polite applause.

“Why the fuck is your count one higher than mine? We were tied, I was about to beat you, I-”

Sharon’s eyes fell on the parade and she shook her head. “How?! How?!”

As if rehearsed - although it wasn’t, as Alaska had asked and Captain Tidicue had insisted it would be funnier if it was entirely natural - Tidicue stepped out from her office and shook Alaska’s hand.

“Working with a bunch of children is definitely a challenge, but I enjoyed this little bet. It made two of my best detectives work harder than ever and, Detective Needles, you’ve helped to increase Detective Thunder’s productivity massively. She’s willingly completed paperwork because of you.”

Sharon’s jaw dropped. “But-!”

Alaska’s carefully timed alarm ticked over, and celebratory music cut Sharon’s protest off before it could even start. Deciding to add insult to injury, Alaska performed the most obnoxious victory dance she could think of.

“You see, my dear, dear colleague and close friend, whilst you were out today working your little detective socks off on your case, arresting your one suspect…” Alaska trailed off, leaving the room in gleeful suspense as she wheeled the whiteboard with their scores in, “I put away two guys. And now, since the clock has hit midnight, the bet is over and I have won. Ladies and gentlemen, the amazing Thunder wins again!”

Jinkx joined Alaska’s enthusiastic dance, but they stopped in unison when Alaska held out her hand for silence. “Now, I believe first of all you have a statement to announce?”

If looks could kill, Alaska would have happily died under Sharon’s murderous gaze. “You’re a great detective and you’re hot.”

“Hmm… a little louder. Also, that’s not what I texted you to say, so…”

Sharon shook her head. “I’m not saying it again, nor am I reading your horrendous text. It was scarring enough when I had to read it in my own head.”

Alaska raised her eyebrows in mock sympathy. “Aww. Listen, your terrible date starts now, and our first port of call is for you to do what I say in every humiliating way possible. Would you like a chair?”

“A… chair?”

“To stand on, so everyone can see and hear you.”

This had to be the best day of Alaska’s life. Nothing would compare to the pride and glee that she felt at dragging a plastic chair into the middle of the police station at midnight for Sharon to stand on. Every part of her indignance only made the experience more enjoyable. The rest of the officers rallied around Alaska in a crowd, palpably excited that the bet had finally come to its end.

Sharon read from her phone, and sighed audibly at the content. “I really don’t want to say this.”

“Come on, date-o-mine!” Alaska cajoled her. “Tell everyone what you really think!”

There was a long pause, and then Sharon began speaking in a loud, flat voice. “Attention, everyone! I have… an announcement to make. Alaska Elizabeth Joanne Thunder - that’s really your full name? - is the greatest detective known in this world, and in comparison to her, I am… I am a helpless misguided child. This… wonderful influence on my life will now take me on a date and teach me her mastermind ways.”

She paused and groaned. “I don’t wanna - I also would like to confess to the room the deep and embarrassing nature of my feelings for this heroic woman. She makes my pan- fucking hell I’m not saying that!”

“You can say basement.” Alaska interjected, as unhelpful as possible. “Keep going.”

“She makes my… basement flood, every day. It will be difficult to keep my hands off her tonight. Goodnight everyone.”

The room burst into laughter again, and Sharon stepped down from the chair and whacked Alaska’s arm with a nearby folder. It hurt more than she expected, but something about Sharon’s glare told Alaska to just laugh it off. Instead, she offered a charming smile and handed a plastic bag over.

“Feel free to do your hair however you like, but I’ve packed a beautiful date outfit for you and a lipstick colour that I think will look gorgeous. Meet me out here when you’re done and we’ll head off.”

Naturally, Alaska’s planning for the Worst Date Ever had been meticulous, in possibly the most un-Alaska behaviour of hers ever. Since they had started the bet, she kept track of little bits of information that she could use - things that annoyed Sharon, things that she hated, offhand comments she made that indicated her opinions on things.

For example, she now knew that Sharon hated pink lipstick, claiming it made her look like a man. She thought anything off-shoulder was stupid, and pale colours didn’t flatter her skin tone, and long strappy shoes were dumb because the ties looked weird wrapped around people’s legs.

Her face when she reappeared was something Alaska never wanted to forget.

In the time Sharon had been changing, and likely cursing herself for not winning the bet, Alaska had slipped into something a little nicer in the bathroom too - just a ripped jeans and button-up combo that she would usually wear on a date, which had been made to feel twice as good by Jinkx’s compliments. Alaska suspected her friend was hoping for a romantic connection to blossom on the date, and inwardly laughed at the idea. One, they weren’t into each other like that, and two, this was not the kind of date that would make a girl fall in love.

Sharon emerged with a scowl, but even so, Alaska couldn’t deny that she looked pretty. It was abundantly clear that she hated her outfit from head to toe, which was a great start. In all fairness, the skin-tight pink minidress, off-the-shoulder style with long sleeves, actually looked pretty good on her. It clung to her curves in a somewhat intoxicating way, showcasing a figure that Alaska never knew had been hiding under her detective uniform and leather jackets.

“I look ridiculous.” She sulked. “I hate these shoes, and this lipstick makes me look like a man. Are you happy?”

As soon as the question was out, Sharon rolled her eyes as she predicted Alaska’s gleeful response. “Thrilled.”

Latrice walked past and stopped to marvel at the outfit, before bursting into infectiously loud laughter. “Damn, Needles, I ain’t never seen you dressed like that before! You look like Angelyne!”

Sharon crossed her arms over her chest. “And you’ll never see it again! It suits Angelyne, it doesn’t fucking suit me! Can we get this thing started already?”

Alaska offered her arm, ever the polite, charming date. “Since you spoke so sweetly of me earlier, of course. You’re going to love my date.”

Sharon was not going to love Alaska’s date.

There were very few restaurants that were still open and serving food past midnight, but that was fine - Alaska wasn’t in the mood for a restaurant. What the city had a plethora of, however, was exactly what she wanted. Even in the darkness of the city streets, lit only by street lamps and the jarring white light of the food stalls, Alaska saw Sharon’s face drop.

“Fuck off. No. You can’t do this to me.”

By far, the worst street of the city was the one they stood in, lined as far as the eye could see with various unsanitary or just plain unusual food trucks. Even drunk Alaska knew better than to search for something edible from them after a night out, which meant it was perfect for her terrible date.

“You get to pick!” Alaska beamed. “I’m a great date partner, so it’s up to you. Of course, I’m paying.”

Sharon tugged at her dress and huffed. “Thunder. You can’t be serious. If we eat from any of these places we won’t shit solid for a week. I am not subjecting myself to food poisoning because of you.”

Eventually, they settled on what seemed like a fairly inoffensive option, a small truck selling wraps and burritos. Sharon took about two bites of her ‘vegetarian special’ before spitting it onto the ground, disgusted. It turned out a cold wrap filled with lukewarm lettuce, tomato and sour cream wasn’t the most appetizing meal. Once she’d thrown it away, she leant towards Alaska and playfully barged into her.

“You’re an asshole! I hate this. I hate you.”

Alaska winked. “Oh, you think you hate me, but trust me, things can only get worse from here. I promised you an awful date and I will deliver because I am a woman of my word. Now, how do you feel about mud, loud noises, and smashing vehicles?”

Sharon glanced down. “In these shoes?”

To be completely honest, Alaska didn’t see the problem with lace-up heels. In fact, she thought they looked quite good wrapped around Sharon’s legs. She had nice legs.

“Come on, let’s go.”

To make the date even worse, on the way to a monster truck rally that some dumb kid Sasha had arrested a few weeks ago had mentioned, Alaska chose a ride-share, subjecting Sharon to twenty minutes in a car with a bunch of hammered straight girls. Every five minutes or so, they whooped loudly and demanded the driver play some Dua Lipa.

Sharon looked murderous, but in a sort of amused way. Alaska figured she was surprised at quite how horrific the date was turning out to be. It was quite a shock, really.

It quickly became apparent that the truck rally, however, was a pretty big mistake on Alaska’s part.

Unsurprisingly, it was just as terrible as she had planned it to be - floodlit, loud, dirty, and full of raucous drunk people thriving off destruction and chaos. They were perched on the edge of shaky metal benches, disgusted at the filth of the place.

“This… is disgusting.” Sharon almost seemed impressed. “I thought the food choice was bad, but the activity is so much worse.”

Alaska could barely hear her over the noise, but she nodded. “I told you I’m good.”

Sharon laughed and conceded. “Fuck. Something about this place feels very illegal, and I don’t even know why. I’m just going to ignore my surroundings.”

Behind them, a greasy-looking man wearing a beer-stained vest and sagging jeans clicked his tongue. “Hey, ma, shake that thing on over here. That’s right, I’m talkin’ to you, hot stuff. You look good in that pink.”

Sharon stiffened, and Alaska bit her lip. “I… forgot about the existence of gross men in a place like this.”

In spite of the comment, Sharon cracked a smile. “So caught up in the fun of humiliating me that you forgot about sexism. I love that. We should leave.”

“Fantastic idea.”

Luckily, there was a decent bar not too far from the site of their awful date, so they hastened away from the chaos of the rally as quickly as they could and made their way inside. Alaska reasoned that maybe a good bar would act as a little bit of a reprieve from the bad date and vile comment, and figured she could still ruin it tactfully by ordering the grossest drinks they had available. Straight tequila would do, probably.

“Can we get six shots of tequila? Thanks,” Alaska handed over the money and laughed at Sharon, who sat on the barstool and groaned exaggeratedly loud. “This is what happens when you lose the bet, Needles! Maybe you should be better next time.”

“I tried so hard!” Sharon defended herself, laughing. “I held the lead for at least three weeks in a row! Stupid fucking criminals working alone instead of together.”

When the shots arrived, Alaska barely had a chance to gloat about how horrible it was going to be before Sharon had downed her three, wincing but persisting nevertheless. Alaska quickly caught up, taken aback and tickled by how fast she had knocked them back.

“Listen,” Sharon giggled at Alaska’s stare, “I look dumb, I ate gross street food, went to a fucking monster truck rally and got catcalled. I need to get shitfaced, you succeeded. Your date is terrible.”

Alaska pumped her fist into the air. “Yes! Succeeded and the night is still young! Although I can’t help but feel like the catcalling was my fault because of the outfit, so I will offer a rare Alaska Thunder apology.”

Sharon smirked. “Oh, thanks, I appreciate that. I’d look better in a body bag.”

Checking her phone, Alaska saw that it was just coming up to around two in the morning. She ordered two double whiskeys and winked at Sharon. They still had plenty of time before she would call the date finished and let her go home.

Sharon could hold her alcohol incredibly well, Alaska discovered, but also that she became a heightened and twice as hilarious version of herself the more she drank. Or maybe Alaska just saw it that way, as she matched her drink for drink. She found herself doubled over, howling with laughter at something that one of them had said, with no idea what had been said or by who.

They even danced a little, with drunk Alaska unashamed to show how terribly uncoordinated she was. Sharon was by no means an expert dancer, but drunk Alaska was more than a little open-mouthed and amazed at how close drunk Sharon danced against her. There was hardly space between them to breathe, and Alaska found it difficult to tear her eyes away from Sharon’s hips.

It wasn’t like it mattered anyway… finding someone physically attractive didn’t mean you liked liked them, or wanted to date them or have sex with them or engage in anything other than a friendly professional relationship with them… Jinkx was stupid. There was no such thing as ‘chemistry’ or anything like that. There was just Sharon, who looked good, and Alaska, who had drank a lot, and a dance floor and some loud music, and that was enough.

Alaska didn’t remember when they decided to leave the club, but at some point they had made the decision to. Her phone read four in the morning, not that she could really register that either. The ground was cold and a little bit stony - she looked down and saw she was walking barefoot, holding a pair of heels by their straps, and Sharon was wearing her flats.

Perhaps she’d offered them to her. How kind.

Both girls stumbled down the street, presumably towards the Uber they had probably called that would be arriving in ten minutes or something along those lines. Alaska’s head was swimming, and a bubble of laughter escaped from her for no reason, triggering Sharon to do the same.

She was really kind of beautiful, in the darkness. But that sounded bad - Sharon was pretty in the daylight, and in the moonlight, and through the lens of drunk, smug Alaska. She had successfully created the worst date, and she’d had so much fun.

“This is so fucking fun…” Sharon slurred, wobbling as she clung to Alaska’s arm and laughed. “I’m counting the worms on the street. I’ve seen like five, and they’re all called Joe. They’re my sons now.”

“You’re a mother!” Alaska exclaimed. “How exciting for you! Congratulations!”

She almost tripped, grabbed onto Sharon for balance, and started howling with laughter. “Oooops, I might be a teensy bit drunk.”

“Good! So am I!” Sharon declared proudly. “I’m ha-having so much fun. This is definitely not the worst date ever. I’ve been- I’ve been on worser- more worse - badder dates than this. One time, this girl left me for her ex! At the table! Was fucking bad, Lask. But funny.”

Alaska gasped. “Aww, shit. You told me that! Now I gotta plan a w-worse date?”

Sharon smiled, her expression dopey. “I like hanging out with you! I’ve had so much fun tonight. Also, you’re waaaay pretty! Even though you’re a goof! A goofy goofball dummy head.”

“That’s me, baby!” Alaska puffed her chest out. “OH! I think that’s our car. It is! Let’s go, pretty pretty girl. You’re pretty too. Let’s gooooooo!”

No amount of alcohol was worth the raging headache that Alaska woke up with. Her memories were hazy but nevertheless still there, and as she tried to think back on the events of her night, her head spun. Where did Sharon end up?

The reluctant opening of her eyes soon solved that mystery. Alaska’s bedroom door was wide open, and if she squinted to try and focus her blurry vision, she made out the shape of Sharon’s body passed out asleep on her couch, one arm thrown up in the air and one leg stretched out.

With a groan and an extreme amount of effort, Alaska shifted herself up and into the kitchen, overlooking the living room. She needed coffee and she needed it now. Thank god neither of them had work - there wasn’t a chance in hell that either of them would’ve been able to make it in.

“I feel like Satan’s asscrack right now.” Sharon’s voice came weakly from the couch. “I’m so tired.”

Alaska smiled, though Sharon couldn’t see her from where she was lying. “Coffee? I just brewed some… gonna fucking need it.”

“Oh, please. Black, no sugar, and toss in a Redbull if you got one. I need the caffeine more than I need a steady heart rate.”

Alaska poured the two drinks and brought them into the living room, the two of them laughing weakly at each other in their hungover, exhausted states. She handed over the mug and recalled how her drunken self had dwelled on Sharon being pretty as they walked together.

Sharon’s eyes were puffy and rimmed with smudged black makeup, her lipstick smeared across her cheek but mostly on her hand. Her hair was loose and stuck up wildly from the way she’d slept, not that she seemed to care. As she sipped her coffee, Alaska realised she must have offered her something to sleep in, as the offending pink dress had been discarded halfway across the room, and instead she wore an old Golden Girls t-shirt of Alaska’s. She looked a mess, as they both did.

Alaska was sober, it was daylight, and she still thought Sharon looked beautiful.

Fuck. As much as Alaska hated the thought of it…. Jinkx might’ve been onto something.

Jinkx was onto something.

Her case had suddenly had this amazing new lead, and within a day of hard field work, she had enlisted Alaska to join her for the arrest and taken down a guy she’d been hunting for months. It was obviously an amazing feeling, and as a celebration, she invited her friend over to spend the evening.

It soon became clear that Jinkx had an ulterior motive, because the questions began the moment that Alaska’s second glass of red wine had been refilled.

“So… no work talk tonight, we did a good job. How was your date?”

Alaska rolled her eyes and giggled, feeling relaxed in the comfort of Jinkx’s home. When she’d joined the force, she hadn’t expected to become such good friends with her colleagues, but Jinkx in particular had assumed the position of best friend in no time. Her home was slightly kooky and unusual, but the little touches of her personality made the whole place endearing and safe in Alaska’s eyes. In the soft lighting, a glass of wine down, she found herself more open to talk.

“I thought you said no work chat,” Alaska teased.

Jinkx coughed expectantly. “That wasn’t work and you know it. Spill, bitch.”

“Fine.” Alaska lazily sipped her wine. “I took her out and tried to embarrass her, succeeded, and we ended up having a really good night. Sharon’s pretty fun.”

“You could’ve stopped at pretty.”

Alaska laughed. “Are you sure it’s me you’re trying to imply liking her? You seem into her.”

“Har, har, har,” Jinkx shot Alaska a meaningful look, going as far as to push her glasses further down the bridge of her nose to make eye contact away from the lens. “She’s good looking, of course, but she’s not my type.”

“What makes you think she’s mine?”

Dangerous territory. Alaska still couldn’t shake the thoughts she had woken up sober with after their night out - that Sharon was pretty, even when she looked and felt like death. Sometimes, she’d walk into work in the morning and see that Sharon had tied her hair up or worn something different or just looked the same, and would internally note that she looked nice. It was like all of a sudden she couldn’t not notice her colleague’s appearance.

“The way you look at her.” Jinkx shrugged, matter-of-factly. “You have to admit there’s an element of attraction there.”

Alaska swallowed. She drank some more wine and thought for a moment - it wasn’t like she couldn’t trust Jinkx, but admitting it would feel so humiliating. Still, she supposed, there was a reason they called it liquid courage…

“To be honest, I feel like I’ve been looking at her differently since the date. Nothing happened, but I guess I’d never considered looking at her romantically before that. I mean, why would I?” She stared off into the distance, not quite wanting to look Jinkx in the eye. “She’s obviously pretty. It’s just that… I notice it now, you know? She’s this badass detective and that’s attractive, but then it’s like… she’s also this dork who likes dumb shit and it’s funny to me when she talks about it.”

Alaska’s gaze flickered over to Jinkx, who seemed to be masking her smugness in order to hide her judgement. Her face was so perfectly still that she burst into laughter, prompting Jinkx to do the same.

“I knew you liked her. You give her this look sometimes, I don’t think she ever notices it, but you smile with half of your mouth and then laugh at things she says. Almost subconsciously, I would say.” Jinkx wrinkled her nose and giggled. “I’m a love expert, just saying. I have a PhD in love.”

“You’re so full of shit.” Alaska deadpanned, and then spluttered into laughter. “I can’t keep a straight face. Look, I just… don’t know how to proceed with these new… observations, alright? I wouldn’t make a move on her, it’s not like she sees me the same way.”

Jinkx’s gaze somehow seemed wise, like an owl’s, and knowing. “I wouldn’t be so sure.”

“Wouldn’t be so sure?” Alaska repeated, confused.

Jinkx got up and started walking into the kitchen, her back to Alaska so she couldn’t read her expression. Dammit, social cues! Alaska was going to go crazy.

“Jinkx, wouldn’t be so sure?”

They texted a lot. Even sometimes at work, when they were only across the room from one another. Alaska would text something dumb that she knew would make Sharon laugh, and watch as she looked down at her desk and then smiled to herself, privately.

No one else got to see those smiles of hers. Just Alaska, who had caused them.

#rpdr fanfiction #purecamp #sharon needles #alaska thunderfuck #shalaska #latrice royale #chad michaels #shea coulee #willam belli #jinkx monsoon #bob the drag queen #case closed #submission #lesbian au

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empowercbcgl · 4 years

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Silence and Sleep

This post was written by Michael Ni who will be graduating from Boston University in Winter 2020. Hopefully he can find a job afterwards or something. Here is a collection of his various musings about his faith in his recent college years.

I would like to preface by stating that I will be referencing a few sources, both secular and religious. While it is important for us as Christians to meditate upon our Divine command, it is my belief that only through ruminating the words of others can we truly strengthen our faith beyond a superficial level. In his book Art as Experience, American philosopher and writer John Dewey states that “A poem and picture present material passed through the alembic of personal experience. They have no precedents in existence or in universal being. But, nonetheless, their material came from the public world and so has qualities in common with the material of other experiences, while the product awakens in other persons new perceptions of the meanings of the common world”. If we so choose to examine the teachings and musings of both Christian and non-Christian writers alike, we strengthen both our faith in His divine power as well as our resolve to defend this faith.

We often view the embodiment of wisdom as an elderly, perhaps scholarly, man or woman, regaling those around them with tales of their vast experiences or cryptic and grave-sounding prose or parable, meant to evoke a lesson or invoke a period of introspection. However, I believe that each and every person, without regard to their age or experiences has some degree of wisdom worthy to share with the world. In fact, it is a fallacy itself to believe that a wise or even perfect man is above learning a new lesson. While God himself is the Great Teacher of humanity, I believe that there is wisdom to be found beyond just His holy scripture that may teach us to better interpret His will.

“Every word has consequences. Every silence, too.” -Jean Paul Sartre

A large part of reaching emotional maturity lies in our ability to live with others. Learning our boundaries with people, setting our limits on how to speak or act, and even how to interpret our outlook on those around us are important aspects to becoming a mature and contributing member of both society and the natural world. Intersubjectivity is a term used by philosophers to refer to the psychological relations between people, as opposed to the traditional Cartesian view of solipsism, the individual experience. French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre describes the intersubjective experience in his book Being and Nothingness as something he calls “The Look”. Imagine yourself walking through an empty park alone, taking in the sights and sounds, appreciating the world for what it is to you when you suddenly notice a man on a bench. The man looks up at you and immediately, for a split moment, you are unnerved. From the moment your gazes cross, you both now realize that you are not alone and the world around you which you had interpreted in your own way, is now a shared experience, no longer subject to your interpretation alone. In order to learn to exist in the presence of others, we must learn to live with The Look. Simply put, it is of utmost importance that we realize that the world itself is not set up specifically to cater to our will but is a realm we must share with others and their views.

One of my primary struggles as a Christian is learning to coexist with people who do not share my beliefs. While on a surface level this includes communicating with non-Christians who may believe in a different God or no God, I also run into the conflict of communicating with Christian believers who share my same core beliefs but have differing views on concepts such as social justice, or sexual bigotry. Truthfully, this is an aspect of my faith I have not yet been able to solve, but my confidence lies in the fact that while God is my Almighty Father, my connection to the Hereditary and Original Sin have imparted upon me the privilege of wisdom and the ability of free will. Thus I am no longer subject to merely bear witness to the atrocities of false prophets and the destruction of Sodom, but am empowered to speak up against the face of hatred that masks itself under the guise of the Christian faith.

Sartre claims that “essence precedes existence”, that is, that the personality is not built upon pre-existing models or natural purpose, because it is the conscious human who chooses to engage in behaviors or enterprise. As an example, while the traditional Christian view is that marriage is the union of man and woman in Christ’s spirit, it becomes my free will, my essence, to cement a potentially different belief, for my existence itself is imperfect by nature, as Adam and Eve indulged in the Fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Rebellion is not sinful by nature. In fact, sometimes rebelling against the word of God further bolsters the strength of our faith as we learn new insights of what His will truly is. The most fatal path to take when facing adversity against both our justice or our faith, even when originating from ourselves, is silence, as “the dead do not praise the Lord, nor do any who go down into silence (Psalms 32:3 ESV). The time of passivity in the face of injustice has passed, rather it should have never existed to begin with. Now is the time for us to no longer stay silent but to speak out against the evils present, for “what we do now echoes in eternity” (Marcus Aurelius, Meditations).

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right-doing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” -Rumi

In his poem “A Great Wagon” Rumi describes a field, a world beyond even the concepts of right and wrong, where the world is too full to talk about, and ideas, language or the phrase “each other” no longer matter. There is tranquility and peace to be found in Rumi’s words, imagining a field where the “breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you” and “people go back and forth between the door-sill where the two worlds touch”; A field where we are bathed in the light of salvation; Able to touch God. In a world distraught by conflict, plague and violence, we can only imagine this field, where the wrongdoings of others no longer matter, and the need for right-doing is a thing of the past, where the people of the world can coexist in harmony under the loving embrace of the Lord.

However, we cannot delude ourselves into believing that this “doorsill”, the threshold to this beautiful world, can be traversed so easily. Happiness is built upon the backs of those who have sacrificed. Both the biblical martyrs and those who die to bring injustice to light have established the better, brave new world we live in today. This is another struggle I have had with my faith in the past. Is it right to live blissfully upon this pyramid of bones and bloodied soil? What is the worth of my happiness where nothing was staked? Even Jesus, the great martyr and redeemer, who died for the sins of all of mankind; Am I permitted to rejoice and exist in comfort today?

“Don’t go back to sleep. You must ask for what you really want.” For the past five to six years and even to today, I have battled with depression. Depression is not sadness. Depression is the lack of vitality, the loss of the mind’s ability to wake up and experience life itself. There were countless mornings when I would wake up and stay in bed, not because I was physically exhausted, but because I no longer had the will to stand up and face the day. There were sometimes months-long periods where not a single day passed without me thinking about how much I wished to die. What kept me going was not the fear of pain of death, nor the sinful nature of taking one’s own life, nor even the grief of loved ones had it come to pass. Within the tempest of hopelessness and hatred for the world, there was a single anchor for hope; There was work that needed to be done in the world. Even though change on a global or national level was far beyond my jurisdiction, I felt compelled to do something with my life. I felt that I had not yet paid the toll that my life was worth. While each day I struggled, I needed to endure them, and while each small step I took towards my healing was arduous, they were victories, and I needed to claim them, no matter how hollow. God has set forth a path for our salvation. Let us fight for this salvation with our own hands. In the words of Marcus Aurelius in his Meditations, “When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” It is my mortal duty to open the door to Rumi’s field for those who have not yet found their salvation.

Don’t go back to sleep. You may not want to wake up again tomorrow. You may no longer feel compelled to do kindness upon others. “Let us not sleep, as others do, but let us watch and be sober… putting on the breastplate of faith and love, and as a helmet, the hope of salvation” (1 Thessalonians 5:4-8 ESV). Truthfully it is beyond my capability to say that better days are yet to come for either you or me, but even still, let our love and faith resonate and move the hearts of others, so that we may one day see justice prevail as we walk together into a field beyond all ideas of wrongdoing and right-doing. God has granted everyone the right to live, thus it is our duty to fight for this right.

“Let your kindness be like rain, that cares not about whom it falls upon” -Rumi

#reflection

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ladyhistorypod · 4 years

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Episode 3: Legendary Ladies

Sources:

Agnodice/Agnodike

Oxford Classical Dictionary

Brooklyn Museum

Classical Wisdom

Mistaking Histories

Artemisia

Ancient History Encyclopedia

PBS

The British Museum

Heroditus

Hua Mulan

Southeastern Louisiana University

Further Reading: Transformations of The Woman Warrior Hua Mulan: From Defender of The Family To Servant of The State & Hua Mulan: the Evolution and Dissemination of a Chinese Cultural Sign—From the Mulan Drama to the Mulan Film

Ambient flute sound

Click below for the transcript!

Lexi: This week on Lady History: is she real, or is she fantasy?

Alana: When we were planning this podcast and Lexi and I were like “what should we do for our podcast” I asked my family group chat hashtag Stoli Squad and my sister was like “you could do my idea for my old roommate we were gonna start a podcast where we got drunk and talked about world issues” so now I'm like… should we be drunk right now?

Lexi: No.

Alana: No. I– Right?

Lexi: We definitely shouldn't be drunk right now.

Alana: This isn't Drunk History, which broke my heart, that Drunk History’s canceled.

Haley: Alana, you can’t hold your liquor.

Alana: I think it's what I've been drinking, because I've been drinking those hard seltzers from Supreme Core– shout out Supreme Core, they're not sponsoring us but I don't need them to.

Lexi: No, that's just a pure recommendation. If you live–

Alana: That’s just a pure recommendation. If you live in the DC metro area…

Lexi: Yeah.

Alana: Supreme Core.

Lexi: Supreme Core is great.

Alana: I would like to pour one out for our fallen comrade, Drunk History.

(sound of liquid pouring)

Alana: I know, Haley, you don’t really like Drunk History, but…

Lexi: You know what? We will continue on their legacy by soberl-ly telling– sober-soberly (laughing).

(Alana laughing)

Haley: She’s sober

Lexi: We will continue on their legacy.

Alana: Patreon episodes where we’re drunk.

Lexi: We could do that, you know… Listen, like this episode, give us a good review. Once we have some good reviews, then we can start charging you money for bonus content, and then we can be drunk and continue on the legacy of Drunk History.

Alana: We are all 21 by the way.

Lexi: Oh, just to preface.

Alana: Like, I’m the youngest and I’m 22.

Lex: Just in case you thought this was a questionable thing (Haley laughing) we’re adults.

Haley: We may not act like it, but legally… for legal purposes.

Lexi: Also if you have ideas for funny Zoom background please DM them to (Alana laughing) at LadyHistoryPod on Instagram. So…

Alana: Don't DM LadyHistoryPod on Twitter because that one’s me.

Lexi: Yeah. The Instagram is me, the Twitter is Alana, just so you know who you're contacting in the DMs.

(Alana laughing)

Haley: If you want me, go to…

Lexi: You can go to any of them. Do whatever you want.

Alana: You can do whatever you want. But if you want–

Lexi: Alana is a Twitter being.

Alana: I am a Twitter being.

Lexi: I am an Instagram being, so that’s why.

Haley: And I’m none of the above. I really–

Alana: Don’t follow me on Twitter though. If you see me on Twitter, no you don’t.

Lexi: You don’t exist on Twitter.

Alana: I don’t exist on Twitter.

Lexi: Your “at” is at LadyHistoryPod

Alana: My “at” is at LadyHistoryPod, that’s true.

[INTRO MUSIC]

Alana: Hello and welcome to Lady History: the good, the bad, and the ugly ladies you missed in history class. I am virtually here with Lexi. Lexi, are you hydrated?

Lexi: No. I don't think I've been hydrated in maybe eighteen years.

Alana (laughing): Oh my god. Hydrate or die-drate.

Lexi: That's true. That’s what VSCO girls would say.

Alana: Yeah it's a basic, kind of– it's a basic bitch thing to say but it's true. Hydration is important.

Lexi: It's good for your mental health.

Alana: It is. Also, of course, I am here with Haley. Haley, do you have any allergies to medications?

Haley: Yeah I do, actually.

Alana: That's not funny but the way you said it was funny. And I'm Alana and I'm actively trying to remove the word guys from my lexicon.

Lexi: Interesting.

Alana: It's not working.

Lexi: Yeah.

Alana: I'm trying and I'm real bad at it. I slip up constantly.

Lexi: It's very, like, ingrained in the vernacular.

Alana: I am also trying to get ladies to catch on as a gender neutral term. Like, the way guys is, kind of, so I want it to be ladies.

Lexi: See, my gender neutral is bois with an i.

Alana: Of course.

Haley: Okay, see, I’ve… I switched to y'all because, that's, I just lived with two roommates from Texas and that's what it was, but growing up in New York it's you guys. So I'm stuck in this like parallel universe where I get hated on for saying you guys and I'm like this is twenty plus years in the making.

Lexi: We should embrace y'all. I feel like–

Alana: We should.

Lexi: Everyone should be able to say–

Haley: Yeah. I like y’all. That one’s tough for me, for some reason. Because I always called– like even my girl friends– being like you guys.

Alana: I call you you guys all the time.

Lexi: Yeah. I speak to large groups of people who use she/her pronouns and I say yous guys. Alana: Yous guys!

Haley: Yous guys…

Lexi: Alright, we rocking and rolling?

Alana: We’re rocking and rolling. I'm going first because I want to dedicate this episode to my group of internet friends who– to my sunshines, especially Em who showed me a Tumblr post describing this woman. And I think as mentioned in the last episode we take Tumblr history lessons with more salt than the Dead Sea. That's our first t-shirt. That’s our first t-shirt! I think we said that in the last one too. But that's our first t-shirt. Take Tumblr history lessons–

Lexi: Although– wait, is that IP?

Alana: Is Tumblr IP? We could change it to like internet history lessons. Take internet history lessons–

Lexi: Yeah. That's good, that's good.

Alana: So Em sent me this Tumblr post, thinking look how cool is this and I was like I don't really believe that so let's look it up. So we're talking about Agnodice or in Greek it would be Agnodike because that's how Greek is. So the story is set in the fourth century BCE ish. Women were not allowed to become doctors or gynecologists or midwives according to the story, but young Agnodike– which is, I'm going to call her Agnodike because that is the Greek name and she was Greek. She was born in Athens and she went to Alexandria for med school and then she returned to– or, for like ancient Greek med school– and then she returned to Athens. But she saw these women dying in childbirth and she wanted to help so she dressed up like a man to go to med school and practice. When she got back after med school, supposedly she heard a woman crying out in pain of labor. And this woman was initially distrustful of a male doctor, so she flashed this woman to show that she was also a woman. This is a recurring theme. And she ended up being so good, and like the best doctor around, that the male doctors were losing patients and losing clients because it was about money. And so they accused Agnodike of sleeping with her patients, and then the women would be just like pretending to be sick so that they could see this young hot doctor. These men take her to trial essentially and she disrobes for them as well to be like actually no or like probably not. Maybe, who knows. And then they're like that's actually even worse because now we're going to sentence you to death for practicing medicine as a woman. And the women stand up for her– these women that she saved their lives– they stand up for her and they say… supposedly, a rough translation of the Latin: quote “You are not husbands but enemies, for you are condemning the woman who brought us health.” And this moves these men of Athens, and they pass a new law that women can practice medicine. The person on Tumblr passed this off as real. It is probably a legend because the best source is literally called the ‘fabulae’. I am in a Zoom meeting with a bunch of classicists– not classists! Classicists. Who knows Latin?! Haley, I know you know Latin. What is ‘fabulae’ mean?

Haley: (laughing) I haven’t taken Latin in forever. Uhhhh…

(keyboard sounds)

Alana: I hear you typing. It means fables; it literally means fables.

Haley: I– my gut instinct is I like, listen to you and I tr– like zone out for a second, then you called on me and you're like ‘what is fabulae’ and I was going to be like ‘fabuloso’ (Alana laughing). I want to do a quick Google and get that out of my head. But I did know that was fables because that came up in like my beginner Latin textbook.

Alana: So it literally means fables. Also, cross dressing and then disrobing to reveal your true identity at the climax of a story is real common in Classical legends. Like this is a running theme through a bunch of other stories.

Haley: Yes ma’am. Yes it is.

Alana: Also, there were definitely female midwives in the Classical world, so there were no laws against it. But here is why or how it might be read as history. Men were distrustful of mid– like– midwifery, midwifery. I actually wrote a paper about ancient birth control and gynecology like two years ago for a class. So the men are distrustful of female midwives because they don't understand what they're doing they're like what what are these women doing with other women that we don't really understand… Are they doing birth control?? Are they doing abortions??? But also women are distrustful of men because like they don't get it either. So everyone's like being like I don't trust you… I don't trust you… skepticism. But there were female midwives so there's no– there's no evidence for a law that says women can't be midwives. There is a– a modern interpretation. By modern I do mean 17th century to 19th century which, relatively, like relative to the time period of this woman, is modern. We’re also archaeologists, so I will say that modern is as early as when common era years have four digits. Like that's modern to me.

Haley: Yeah I took like a medieval history class and we got into like the plague was just like the 1300s and I was like ah, modern medicine. And every– it was like an undergrad class, and like you could see like some of the students were like what? (Alana laughing) The professor was like she has a degree in archaeology. She's gonna say stuff like that.

Alana: It’s modern! Four digits common era years, that's modern.

Haley: I agree.

Alana: That's how I feel. So early advocates for women in medicine during a time when women like for reals, for realsies, weren't allowed to practice medicine, advocates for women being able to practice medicine and repealing that kind of ban used her as an example. But they can't use a legend as an example. Like, she has to be real to be legit. All of the real scholars, the classicists, say this is a legend. The people on Tumblr say this is real. You decide who is right, except it's definitely the scholars and experts. And that's the story of Agnodike. Or Agnodice, depending.

Haley: So I’m gonna hop on that like, Greek train of yours and choo choo on the way to Persia. And we're gonna travel back in time, so like this is a time traveling train, just to let you know, to go back to the fourteen hu– not the 1400s the 400s BC. I'm still thinking about the plague.

Lexi: The plaque is always relevant.

Haley: Yeah.

Alana: Especially right now! The plague!

Haley: Anyhoo. Okay, I'm gonna hop on that Greek time traveling train and go back to the 1400s– oh my fuck god damn it. I’m still thinking about the plague. Alright. (Alana laughing) We're gonna be in Greek– ancient Greek history but for Persia instead. There's like a little… little tangle of where we are and how I'm gonna define that she's in Persian mythology rather than Greek mythology and who am I talking about? I'm talking about Artemisia of Caria, and yes, I'm using my Spanish accent because I can't do anything else about it. Or Artemisia the First. I'm gonna call her Artie because that's just how… in my notes she’s Artie.

Alana: We are on first name basis with all of these women.

Haley: Yes. Absolutely.

Alana: So we will be calling them by their first names and nicknames that we have given them. We have that privilege as history podcasters.

Haley: Yes. I was going to use her for a different one, but I really Persian mythology from being half Persian and I want to sprinkle some spice in here. And this one was tricky for me because I knew about her already from like all the history classes we had to take an undergrad, my general love for Persian mythology and history, and then also I had to like crack out my Herodotus, like the histories and like all the other ancient writers because she's not talked about that much, but the men and the battles back– like around what she's engulfed in are. Like the Battle of Salamis we're talking– we're going to talk about so much stuff about that battle, and just like Greco-Persian Wars, even as trickle down to our history classes in high school. But this gal Artie nothing. Or very little that I am– this is a good source to work off. Anyhoo I got really excited at first because I thought you're like a Google Arts and Culture like nice little museum page or just like a profile and I could go on and on about how arts and cul– Google Arts and Culture is like making a come back for like being decent because now a lot of their pages are run by the museums, or like exhibits straight from museums. But I digress. It really wasn't a cool thing that I could use, it was just a link or like a small pinch from her Wikipedia page who could have been written by anyone. So most of my sources are coming from primary accounts like Herodotus, who is an ancient Greek historian but was born and lived in the Persian Empire. And yes, I’m gonna get it out there; for those who've seen 300: Rise of an Empire, that like that movie, out in 2014, yes she was in here. I want to say that she looks like like me as like a cousin. I’m gonna describe her: she's like smaller, petite woman with olive skin, long dark black hair. And I was just like huh that's cool. And I actually remember watching this in like 2014 just being like yeah I see myself. I could be her. That was my rep– like female representation in movies was looking at ancient Persian characters, so that's just a glimpse into my life. But YouTube didn't even have like documentaries or anything so I'm sad. Okay so her name is Greek, it is coming from Artemis, but she is with the Persian Empire under Xerxes the first– at least I believe it was Xerxes the first, one thing said Xerxes the second, and I was like no this is not with the timeline. And she is most noted as not necessarily a warrior or like a fighter in any of the Greco-Persian Wars or any wars on the Persian side, but as a council member to Xerxes, which you can debate is a higher honor or not. Regardless, she was a badass. She was the daughter of King Lygdamis of Herculaneum and then a Cretan mother whose name is unknown. We just know that she was from Crete. So it's also like in the Greek area but Herculaneum… Herculania… Herculaneum… forgetting that word now is Persian territory at this point. She assumed the throne with– when her husband, who has no name, died. But it wasn't that she assumed the throne, as like sole queen of everything. She was acting regent for her younger son, and there's really no record of him ruling but the record of her ruling with him, in a sense. Overall the primary source for all her achievements and like the Greco-Persian Wars, which is what I'm gonna be focusing on, is from Herodotus. And Herodotus wrote his account of the Battle of Salamis in his book or like his works of the histories. She's mentioned by like a bunch of other guys. Guys as actual guys they were the writers and this history goes like a thousand years in the future so that's why a lot of her stuff can be legend because it’s people writing about this history, but like writing it so far apart that it's more like they're writing down their oral tradition. That's a huge thing when it comes to like, the Bible, and other ancient history sources. Whipped out Herodotus and Plutarch for this, and the Battle of Salamis. In like 480 BC she fought for the Persians and distinguished herself not only again like in battle, but also the fight she gave. And that's really like where she's talked about, not her battle strategy. And there's also a note where we do get into the battle strategy where she saved Xerxes kids from getting like harmed and such. We’re at the point where the Greek mainland was taken. Athens is burned, like, hell’s breaking loose. Persians are basically taking over, Xerxes is trying to figure out what his next move is. Like he– he understands that he has the upper hand, but now needs to figure out how to keep the upper hand. Herodotus gave like a whole account, there are a lot of quotes where he's just talking about army stuff and basically saying that she was particularly remarkable; that really if he only needs to mention one warrior, she's the only one that like he believed did the best work. And it was not only her attitude and behavior that like made her such a great warrior, but made her kind of move up and up up the ranks of roles and like nobility power and such. So yes this praise was mostly about her being a woman and I got like from reading it like the sense that it's more about ‘wow women can do this? Women can fight in battle?” But nonetheless she got some good pats on the back for being a badass. And again, like my other two stories, the legend comes with their death. We have no idea where her body was when she died, what condition, anything like it's really– this is where we get to writers a thousand years in the future, so like going into like 800s CE or AD, whichever one you would like to use, describing what happened to her. And honestly this is the juicy toocy part. So she– she's recorded that after she brought Xerxes’ sons to like a safe area, brought them back, she fell in love with a prince, Dardanus, I kept reading as Darius but it's not Darius. And for some reason, who knows, Dardanus rejected her, and was like ‘nope I don't love you’ or ‘nope I don't I don't want to be with you, cool thanks bye.’ And in her despair she threw herself into the sea. I don't know what sea that is, it just said ‘sea’. That's a lot of bodies of water in the like Persian-scope empire. And she drowned. There aren't other ancient records that's say like ‘yep this happened’ it's like one guy's account of like writing the history. There's like some statues that happened to be found, or like excavated in Sparta that were like ‘oh this is Artemisia’ but there's no record like no engraving in the marble statue that like this is her. People are just saying ‘oh it's in the Persian hall, it's in honor of her’ that's all we have. Like the British Museum had some like images of the statue saying this could be her but if you scroll all the way to the bottom it says like we don't know for sure. So like part of me is like ‘what really did she do’ but other parts are like ‘yeah this could have happened’. Honestly, read Herodotus. He’s a fun time, a good time.

Alana: Lexi’s turn?

Lexi: Me? (singing) Me me me me. Okay so you guys… are you Disney fans? I feel like you are. You like Disney.

Haley: I love Disney. I would die for all the Disney characters collectively in a bunch.

Lexi: So you're probably gonna recognize this quote: “the flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of them all.”

Haley: Absolutely.

Alana: Of course.

Lexi: And that quote is where any reference to Disney, the Disney franchises, Disney studios, Disney parks, and Disney in general shall end. And any relationship to Disney at all will now stop.

(Alana laughing)

Lexi: Now let's talk about the real, not real, maybe real story of Hua Mulan. So again, preface, I don't speak Chinese. I speak Korean which is not Chinese and is not related enough that I understand Chinese. For people who don't understand how Asian languages work they're not very closely related. There are loan words, there are borrowed words, but I do not speak Chinese. So please give me some leeway with these pronunciations of certain things. So the original poem-song, it's a poem that is sung, you know this is really common in ancient times to have a poem that can be set to music. So the original poem-song which described Hua Mulan was written by Tzu-Yeh, a woman who wrote Yueh-Fe style poetry which is a really common style poetry that was a form of oral tradition sharing and folklore sharing. And it was a rhythmic style of poetry set to music. Basically people would travel from town to town performing these songs to tell traditions and folklore and stories. So the translations that we have don't really follow the meter or rhythm, so when they are set to music they don't really sound correct. So the only true way to experience Yueh-Fe is in its native form. So if you don't speak Chinese and there are different versions of Chinese so if you don't speak the specific versions of Chinese that Yueh-Fe is written in you won't fully understand the poetic nature of the story. But we do have translations of the story that help us understand who Hua Mulan was. So I'm gonna tell you based on translations the true story or maybe not so true story of Mulan. The poem opens with Mulan, a young girl, showing disinterest in womanly activities– womanly in quotes– so she doesn't like doing things like household chores or marriage. She's disinterested in you know finding someone to marry, she's disinterested in her parents arranging her marriage, she's just interested in cooking, cleaning, dressing like a woman. She just doesn’t like any of it. And a request from the government comes around to each family–

Alana: I am also disinterested in cleaning.

Lexi: Yes.

Alana: For the record.

Lexi: I think every human is, so I– well maybe my mother loves cleaning. I don't know. She does it a lot, and she really does it with a… Yeah she does it with such a feverish passion I don't know– maybe she doesn’t like it. But yeah. There’s a request from the government, comes around to each family. I assume it is some sort of scroll that is delivered to families that are noble and have people who can read, but it might also come from a person who tells it. I am unsure based on the translations of the poetry. So the request comes from the government to have each family send a son or brother, so like a young unmarried uncle, brother, man, or a son of the family who can serve in the army. But Mulan's family is very small. She's an only child so she doesn't have an older brother for them to send. And Mulan sees this is an opportunity. So she buys the equipment required to enlist in the military, which is a horse, a whip, a saddle, and a bridle. And she shows up at the military encampment dressed as a man. And the poem continues with Mulan journeying far from her home on a trip that takes ten years and covers ten thousand miles. And at the end of her military service, her only request is to return home. She's offered the option to take money or land, but all she wants to do is return her family. So she returns to her family, and when she arrives home, her parents have had another child, a little brother, so Mulan has a little brother. And Mulan returns to her quarters, and she assumes a feminine identity. She puts it back on. She brushes her now white from years of hard work hair, she puts on makeup, she gets into feminine clothes, and then she goes out just to meet up with her buddies from the military, to see them search to rekindle, you know, the military friendship, bros being bros. And they are shocked to see her dressed in feminine attire because they've known her for a decade and the whole decade they assumed that she was a man. And so the poem closes with a simple phrase and it basically translates to two rabbits run side by side but when they run side by side you cannot tell which is a male and which is a female. So this is folklore, tradition, you know… it might be true, it might not be true. So, some other details: Hua Mulan means flower; so Hua flower, Mu wood, lan orchid. And Hua is the surname and Mulan is the given name. So Mulan is her first name, so that's why in some depictions you will just see Mulan, that is her first name. But some sources, the surname Fa is used so sometimes she is Fa Mulan. The most common tradition and most common translation is Hua Mulan.

Haley: That was gonna be like my immediate question was I thought it was Fa Mulan this whole time.

Lexi: That's because Disney used that version.

Haley: Not even from Disney– from just like knowing because I– When I got back on like the Disney Plus kick train, I wanted to like watch all the Disney princess movies but just compare them to like their actual stories and sometimes I saw the Fa Mulan so it’s like oh did Disney do this correct…?.

Lexi: Yeah. It's it's because it's it's not really a person– well it might be– but it's not really a person, so when this story goes from place to place, versions of it change, so evidence as to whether or not Mulan actually existed is basically nonexistent. We don't have any sort of physical archaeological evidence. Like, while folk songs and oral tradition hold her as a symbol of bravery and resilience, no physical evidence exists at all. There are no royal history books or official records that mention her, even though there are military records from that time. Now some people, who are Mulan truthers, may think ‘oh well she probably used a masculine name’ but again it's totally up in the air we're not sure. So, you know, even in the era and area in which she existed and like where she was from… it's completely up for debate whether she was from South China, from the Chinese plains, like no one's really sure. And some people say she's from one time period, and some people say from another time period. You know, is she lost to history? Is it possible there really was this heroic warrior in disguise who fought for her people and her family? and maybe her name and origin and era are just lost to history. So different versions of the story attribute different names, like her surname changing. Different eras, different places of origin because they don't know the truth of the original story. or is it more likely that there were several women who fought in disguise throughout Chinese history as they've done in many societies, in many aspects of history, but that their stories have been molded into a single poem through the passage of time.

Haley: I love that. That was a great closing.

Alana: That’s so cool. I love that.

[Ancient flute noise]

Lexi: You can find this podcast on Twitter and Instagram at LadyHistorPod. Our show notes and a transcript of this episode will be on lady history pod dot tumblr dot com. If you like the show, leave us a review or tell your friends about us, and if you don't like the show keep it to yourself.

Alana: Our logo is by Alexia Ibarra you can find her on Instagram and Twitter at LexiBDraws. Our theme music is by me, GarageBand, and Amelia Earhart. Lexi is doing the editing. You will not see us, and we will not see you, but you will hear us, next time, on Lady History.

[OUTRO MUSIC]

Haley: Next week on Lady History: we're going to dive straight in, misbehave a little bit and talk about the ladies who committed some crimes.

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in-tua-deep · 5 years

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drunk five headcanons?

OKAY i have to preface this with the fact that while I am of legal drinking age in both of the countries I hold citizenship, I,,, don’t drink. I have been drunk a grand total of one time in my life and honestly find the taste of pretty much all alcohol to be disgusting so I guess take these with a grain of salt lmao

Five started drinking in the apocalypse after getting badly sick after finding some water to drink (in desperation), realized that the unopened bottles of alcohol were actually safer to drink than sipping at puddles. Of course, alcohol can cause dehydration so be careful kids, and Five was indeed careful until he realized that if he got absolutely plastered he could forget his own abject misery for a while

Five is either a maudlin drunk or a cheerful drunk with very little in between tbh. The family finds out,, a lot of really terrible shit from Five when he’s hammered about some of the shit he had to deal with and what he did to survive because he has far looser lips. Drunk!Five also doesn’t always understand why they get sad or angry about the things he says and has the absolute worst drunk confused puppy eyes that melt the heart of everyone

Sometimes Five gets drunk on purpose because he thinks drunk!him handles social interaction much better. Or at least, he doesn’t overthink everything or is half as defensive as sober!Five. This usually leads to a very touchy feely drunk Five who just sort of hugs and clings happily onto everyone, babbling about equations and his observations (Five has a notebook full of observations of how regular people act in an effort to understand which break everyone’s hearts but he only ever shares about it when drunk)

Sad drunk Five on the other hand tends to occur whenever Five is trying to drown out his own memories when things are especially bad. If he’s found by a sibling who isn’t Vanya/Ben he often confuses them for ghosts/hallucinations and bluntly informs whoever it is that they dead and he knows because he found them

He’s a can’t-fucking-walk drunk. His sense of balance gets shot and even though he thinks he’s fine he’s just swaying and stumbling everywhere and a good percentage of the time someone has to either help him walk or just straight up scoop him up. Surprisingly he never protests this contact even though sober!Five definitely would

His powers do work while drunk but,,, not,,, well. Using his powers while drunk is a very good way to make him puke tbh and like I said his coordination is,,, poor so just in general it’s a bad idea that still ends up happening oops

#ask me #anonymous #tua #the umbrella academy #five hargreeves #number five #alcohol mention #drunk

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the-disgruntled-vc · 5 years

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TVL Reread update part 2 In which I feel more things and spurn Nicolas (and like Marius better)

~ I just want to Preface this entry by saying that I am kind of drunk right now 🥴 ~

Wow ok so I'm so soooo behind this update.

You know... When I decided to reread this series I started out with TVL because I thought IWTV would be too sad for me to deal with right now. So naturally, I made my coworker read it instead. I grabbed the book from them as they took a break from reading and accidentally landed on the scene where Lestat and Louis reunite and Lestat cries “she should have never been one of us!” And man, I dropped the book so fast, a if it were a grenade. haha.

I've explained before that getting through chapters 3 and 4 were hard for me because of Lestat’s messed up childhood reminding me of my own. I’m on chapter 6 now, past the part about the “golden moment”. And man, oh man, I’ve got to say this even though I know some of you will be triggered but--

I. HATE. NICOLAS. There I said it. But I can explain later on perhaps. More coherently when I am not drunk.

I mean, shit, I think I actually like Marius way more than I like Nicolas and Marius is another one of those characters that I grew to dislike.

Prior to my re-read my opinion of his character had always been one of indifference. I was 15? When I first read The Vampire Lestat. At 30, knowing what comes after with his character and having experienced relationships of my own...well, I just don’t feel sorry for him. Perhaps my opinion will change as I continue my read but I just cannot wrap my head around why some people romanticize this character? Like, he’s actually a terrible person if you think about it. He wants to lead young idealist Lestat down a path of ruin because he’s so embittered with his own life. That is NO BUENO.

I think when people do romanticize Nicolas it’s simply because he was Lestat’s first love.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT???

SOMETIMES FIRST LOVES ARE THE WORST LOVES!

Because we don’t know any better. Because everything is new and we don’t have anything else to compare it too. Everything seems like it is the end of the world because it is new to us.

It’s kind of like how when I read about some fans that used to think that Marius / Armand was super sexy when they first read TVA (and this seems to be a case with a lot of young queer men that I personally knew that also read the books), but later on realize that is was kind of messed up? Yeah, that’s how I feel about Lestat and Nicolas.

Um, I just lost my train of thought but I will continue when I sober.

Also, Nicolas fans please don’t come for me. I respect your fav. I just don’t think it’s cool to idealize abusive relationships and that is how I see this relationship, right now, anyway. It might be nice to imagine an alternate narrative where Nicolas and Lestat “make it” but I just...I’ve been in some toxic relationships where I sometimes wondered how things might have been, but yeah..it’s no good to do that. Despite this simply being fiction, my brain will just nope on that.

What is the ship name for Nicky and Lestat anyway? I like Lecolas, reminds me of LOTR. I just made that up too.

Nicky, you ain’t sh!t. Louis FOREVER.

#vc re-read #the vampire chronicles #drunk posting #nicolas de lenfent #Lestat De Lioncourt #The Vampire Lestat #what is wrong with me #anne rice #TVL #i have strong opinions #tvl reread #vc re read

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littleprincesa-isabel · 4 years

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Writing Task: BDRP Questionnaire

Trigger Warnings: None

Extra Note: This got very long haha

Your Name: Kiara :DD

Characters:

Sally Finkelstein, Minnie Muysken, Georgette Midler, Isabel Flores

Pick one of your characters and talk about their growth (we recommend choosing an older character, but it’s up to you!) What about their story has surprised you? What are you proud of? How have they changed from their original inception to now?

Georgette

First off, let me preface by saying that when Georgette’s muse originally formed in my head and I went for her, I absolutely did not envision her dying, coming back to life undead, and becoming a magick like at all. In fact, when I picked her up I loved the fact that she was a mundus and all my intentions were to keep her as such. Yeah... she’s not so much now but... surprise!

Georgette has done a total 360 change from what I originally had formed for her in my head, but it like also really helped out too that she did lol. (Thanks MK!!) I knew from the start that the MAIN goal I wanted for Georgette was to create a new form of stability for her. I wanted her to grow out of her old glamorous and ritzy life and into a life where fame and fortune really aren’t the most important aspects.

I wanted her to end up gaining a more humble perspective of life, almost just completely rewire her and I got to end up doing this twice for her lmao.

Just from Georgette needing to learn how to puzzle/rewire herself into this new life when she was forced to move to Swynlake. Learning how to live smaller and with a publically trashed and slandered reputation, learning to cook (she still sucks at it), live on her own, process through living with her rape trauma and just getting help with her alcoholism. I was able to meet that goal simply through all of that because Georgette grew and learned so much. She got into therapy, accepted help, gained real friends, learned how to process through her trauma, gained an appreciation for the simpler things in life and all through that journey of simply trying to tape up all that had shattered in her life.

Then she died... and came back to life.

So it was now going through this journey with her again where Georgette had to learn how to rewire herself and pick up the pieces to now make them fit into this new life of hers. It was going through all the emotional baggage of processing this new reset button for her, learning her new powers, coping through having died under a tree, surviving her rape trial, accepting that she no longer had such needs as hunger or sleep like normal humans, etc.

I’m proud of where she ended up going and how strong she has become. She hasn’t given up and keeps working through each hurdle. She has really changed from the shallow, spoiled brat she was in the beginning like I’m a proud mom lol.

Pick another character and talk a little about where you WANT them to go. What are your plans for them going into the new year?

Isabel

I want Isa to like completely spread open her wings for this new coming year!!! She is officially EIGHTEEN, and I want her to gain independence outside of her family. I want her to have independence outside of the royal appearance and duties of a princess, and outside of the daily knife over her head that is a crazy sorceress out to kill her.

Isa just wants to live life in where she doesn’t feel caged in.

I want her to be reckless lmao. Go to a party and get straight up trashed, travel more outside of Swynlake, move out, have sex, go to the club, go go-karting, sing karaoke with friends drunk or sober, set up an instagram account, survive an all-nighter, tipi a house, watch a Broadway play, get a tattoo because why the fuck not?!?

Feel life! I want Isa to feel life. Almost all of Isa’s life has been under the microscope of bodyguards or her family that I want her to learn how to be out on her own. I want her to make stupid mistakes, she’ll learn to go through them and get to grow because of them. Isa loves to learn, this will be great for her!!

And yes, she has already done a lot, but under the supervision of someone else, like Isa doesn’t know how it feels to be completely free and she wants a taste of it. I want a taste of it for her.

Pick a thread or a plot that you’re proud of and talk about why you loved it.

Minnie

I actually really liked my plot in where I got Minnie attacked at night by a patient that has already hurt her before. It makes me sound awful, but I liked it because it allowed Minnie to pull herself away from the hospital. Minnie wraps so much of her identity around the hospital. Her father used to work there as a surgeon, she used to spend so much time with her father there when she was little, she would volunteer at the hospital and it has been where she was working since she graduated from Pride U.

I honestly wanted to see if Minnie could see herself outside of the hospital. It was a journey of Minnie processing through the trauma, being able to simply feel safe again, and realizing that for her mental health she will have to step back some from a job and a place she loves dearly.

Minnie is still healing and will still ask for company whenever she needs to go out at night because she hasn’t been able to feel entirely safe as of yet. She is still working at the hospital but no longer coded/full time and now she has actually become the school nurse for Swynlake General. She loves the job and if it hadn’t been for the attack she honestly would’ve never been opened to even trying for that opportunity.

In terms of your own writing, identify 1-3 strengths and talk about why you think it’s one of your strengths.

Voice: Not to so much conversational voice as that’s actually something I want to improve in, but the mental voice. It is so easy for me to get into the thought processes involved with my characters. I always speak of their emotions and how they are thinking through their current situation. I love doing that because, for me, it explains the reasoning for all that my characters do what they do or end up doing. I just end up forgetting about everything else that should also be involved beyond thought and emotion lol.

Starters: This is a weird strength lol but I absolutely have no problems writing starters. It’s easy for me to create a situation where I need two people to end up engaging with one another. It’s fun for me to think of different ways, especially since Swynlake is a magical town so ideas really are limitless!! I just suck at creating titles that is definitely not my forte!

In terms of your own writing, identify 1-3 areas of improvement.

Conversation: I’m trying to be very cautious about this and I’m hoping that I have been improving but just not answering everything that is being spoken in a thread. I want to improve in knowing which things should be answered and what shouldn’t because it messes with the continuity of the thread. Hopefully, I have gotten better but it’s one of the main things I have been trying to pay hard attention to when writing my replies.

Body Placement/Situational Awareness: I’m also hoping to improve in being constantly aware of where my characters are and what they are doing. I lack describing simple actions with my characters like continuing to drink a tea they have in hand, remembering if they were holding something so as to know they need to put that something down if they want their hand, remembering if my girls hair is up or down because then she can’t tuck hair behind her ear if it’s up, etc. It gets hard for me sometimes because it’s a lot I have to keep track of.

Actions: I think I stink at writing actions where my characters are concerned. I forget that they are supposed to do more than think and talk. I suck at properly engaging them at times and I have to constantly remind myself like oh this is a date: hold hands, kiss, hug, lean in, stuff like that. They are in a hospital remember to engage with the machines, the diagnosis, doctors, and nurses etc.

Pick one of your plots, or even just a character, and come up with a list of 3-5 “mentor texts” where you can look for inspiration or research, then write a short (2-4 sentences) why you picked those texts.

Sally

Edgar Allen Poe’s Ligeia and Morella: I use these two short stories from Edgar Allen Poe a lot when it comes to inspirations for Sally. For Morella, I took the aspects of Sally looking so identical to her mother as she grew older and her father being obsessed with her because of that straight out of that text. Morella dying during the birth of her child, I stole that too for Sally’s back story involving her own mother. WIth Ligeia I love Edgar’s description of the main woman in the story, Ligeia and I often find myself going back to read it because I want Sally to resemble that description since that’s how I view her in my head.

Weather Websites: Lmao. I don’t know if this counts as a text per say, but legit I am constantly looking up websites that give me different types of weather and their descriptions. I use them because Sally empathic magic transcribes itself through a type of weather. Whenever she feels an emotion from someone it comes to her like the feeling of weather: snow, hale, warmth, fog, rain etc. depending on what emotion it is whether anger, sadness, confusion, happiness etc.

Edith Hamilton’s Mythology/Charmed: I know charmed is not a text lol but it needs to be mentioned because I used that show (particularly Phoebe) as an inspiration for Sally’s vision magic. Sally’s visions are constantly evolving and changing mainly due to the long time it has taken Sally to control it so it took a form of its own when it had the upper hand. That form I stole from Phoebe in how touch was needed for a vision to form and the aspect of Sally feeling all the emotions involved with it. Then, Mythology was a book I had to read as a requirement in my Freshmen year of high school. I use that text for references to the seers and oracles in Greek Mythology which is where I get my inspiration for how Sally’s visions are appearing now.

And now, a wishlist! Jot down a few themes or stories or genres etc that you want to maybe pursue in the upcoming year!

A forbidden romance, a bi-wakening!!!, any magic based plots because I love being able to dive into the magic of my magick babiess, family drama, paranormal thingss and medical plots because I can’t help myself it is who I amm haha.

Sally: Continue to evolve her magic because there is a specific point I want her aside from ya know that having complete control point, so if anyone needs anything seen you know who to hit upp. Open up the store she wants tor tailoring!!! I need to stop being a lazy fuck with that :/. Get her into a relationship. I have had Sally for likeee 3/4 years now and she has just been a lonely spirit. I don’t want her to be a lonely spirit all her liffeee.

Minnie: Hmmm not sure tbh aside from like medical plots!!! I love those gimmie gimmie, Minnie is an awesome nurse :DD

Georgette: Get her through a second trial where hopefully her rapist lands in jail. More socialite things because like she is a famously known socialite and I be forgetting that often. Magic stuff because she is now a magick herselff.

Isabel: She is going to be living up her eighteenth year of life. I am hoping it will be Princess Gone Wild this 2020 lmao. Get Isa to simply live it uppp.

#bdrptask #this really did get so longg #that like I didn't do the optional question bc of that xD

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chubinecco · 6 years

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Cheat Day, August

Okay, so, quick preface on this one, since it’s the first time I’m doing this. About a year ago, I decided I wanted to lose some weight. (Number of health related reasons for this, but also, I wanted to better see a bigger difference when I stuffed. Big -> Real Big is all well and good, but tiny -> pretty big is like *melts*)

Went well for a couple months, but I REALLY missed stuffing myself, started having trouble staying on the diet from day to day kinda thing. That’s when I decided I should get a cheat day.

Now, to prevent myself from deciding every day is cheat day, I pick a specific day a couple months in advance that I think I’m likely to eat a lot usually it’s some kind of holiday or event.

August’s cheat day was the 24th (with some spill over to the 25th because I was at my friend’s wedding, but this is just about the 24th).

I started the day with a BIG ol’ bowl of pasta with ham and cheese and spices stirred into it, four slices of bacon, two eggs and a NICE big glass of water. By the time I was finished, I was feeling pleasantly full, but nothing I couldn’t handle.

This is when my day went a little sideways XD Some kerfuffles with my prescription (adhd) and packing and everything else, I didn’t get on the road quite on time, and was in a bit of a hurry, I didn’t get to eat ANYTHING else u.u BUT I’d promised myself I was gonna get my tummy good and stuffed, so around about 2, I was making good time, and I asked my phone/GPS to find me a taco bell along my way :3 I ordered myself one of those twelve taco boxes, stopped in the parking lot real quick and downed two of them right away because they’re just SO tasty; but also salty, and I forgot to get myself anything to drink. whups.

I didn’t want to get behind, so I unwrapped my third taco, and got back on the road. Some stop and go traffic, I unwrapped another taco any chance I got and few more miles down the road I’m starting to feel it. Kinda full, nice tightness high in my belly, but not too heavy. Wishing I had something to drink, but it’s okay, I had a REALLY big glass at breakfast, and my car’s got AC, so I’m not dehydrated, just wish I had something to help it along.

I managed another taco and got my first cramp. Not a big one just sort of my tummy goin’ “Hey, Chubs, what’re you doin’ up there?” Felt so good, gave myself a bit of a rub and rest as I was driving along and wondered, “how many tacos have I had?” I managed to reach into the box next to me and get all the empty wrappers together and counted them.

Seven Tacos.

I’d had seven tacos, just over half the box. And I was feeling SO good. Full, achey, but also just... Let’s just say, even if I hadn’t been in the car, I would’ve been driving stick at this point.

But I’ve got just shy of half the box to go. The next two tacos, I took my time. Slowed down a little bit, but they were kinda cooler by now, and I was driving at speed on the highway, and holding half a taco in your hand while driving isn’t exactly easy, so few times I had to like... two bites, then kinda work the whole rest of the taco into my mouth like peeling a banana with my lips and barely getting to chew before I swallowed. Kinda a weird experience, but also kind of AMAZING to have that much food in my mouth at once, I could really feel the last swallow of each taco I ate this way as it went down my throat.

Because of this, I got a bit burpy; REALLY wished I had that water, but oh well. Rubbing my tummy gently, shifting in my seat. I could feel the wheel of the car was closer to me than it was when I started driving. I kinda almost wanted to push my seat back, but that’s silly, I’m at the perfect height for my mirrors, and my feet reach the pedals and just.. I’ll be fine.

But oh BOY I was feeling it. My stomach felt SO big. Bloaty and full and just... packed. Nine tacos so far. I glanced over at the box and was like, “I can do one more. At least one more will give me a nice, ten tacos.”

I grabbed my tenth taco, unwrapped it like a pro and chowed down. FUCK it felt good. Hurt a bit too, and I wondered if I could actually make it through the last two. I didn’t want to bother carrying the box on the train with me, and I DEFINITELY didn’t want to leave two tacos in the car. I thought about trying to give the last two away, because I was SO stuffed, but it’s two tacos, and that could go SO awkward...

I checked my phone, and I had just shy of an hour left until I got to the train station. One hour, two tacos, one SUPER full belly that was really intent on informing me just how much I had eaten. I could do this.

I drove along a while, kinda idly fiddling with the box next to me, thinking about how full I was, how much I’d waited, could I have my next taco yet? I felt pretty good... Distracting myself listening to podfic. Fic was getting to a “Good Part,” and I was feeling really Good too, and I decided, “Just one more. I can handle one more.”

Eleven tacos down. Just one more to go. “This feels SO good. It’s been TOO LONG since I’ve had a cheat day on my own, no event or people to get weird about how much I’m eating just because I can, but DAMN I wish I could share this with someone who Gets It...”

My belly was full, I was feeling almost floaty and warm and good. I could feel my belt digging in, but only a little. More belly rubs, more driving, It’d only been maybe ten minutes since my eleventh taco, but I was SO close to the end. So close to an even dozen, and it felt SO good.

I grabbed my last taco, unwrapped it. Bite and chew, bite and chew. Every swallow felt AMAZING. By the end of it, I was kinda disappointed it was over, but also SO FULL it was a relief to know I had Done It. I ate a dozen tacos on top of an ENORMOUS breakfast, and the day was only half finished...

I made it to the train station with PERFECT timing, found I’d parked on the far side of the building from the tickets, no big deal, I could do with a bit of walking, my knees felt a bit stiff after all that driving. I got my tickets, then had to RUN across the concourse to get all the way back to track 2. Turns out I had more time than I thought I did, and running on a FULL full stomach is oof, but whatever. I got in my seat and felt SO squirmy. Tummy was Not Happy with me for that one. Not queasy or anything just like, Very Fucking Aware of just how Full I was, and also that I kinda needed to pee, but... no time, and didn’t really want to get up once I’d sat down...

One ninety-minute train ride of reading and thinking about my tummy later, I arrived in New York a bit later than intended, but none the worse for wear, and I get to walk about half a mile to get to where I’m staying for the weekend. I could have taken the metro, but it really wasn’t that bad, and I really didn’t feel like dealing with fare, so walking it was.

Some travel and other things, I made it to the tail end of my friend’s rehearsal dinner. From here, because of the other people around, I was more focused on socializing than my own greedy belly, so I didn’t get to revel in how stuffed I was nearly as much, but it kinda also meant I was distracted enough I probably put more in there than I would have otherwise been able to get through.

There were a number of casseroles out, and I was promptly handed a big ol’ jug of Coconut Pitorro.

Few things to know, 1) Pitorro is basically, Peurto Rican Moonshine 2) I am EXTREMELY lightweight XP

I didn’t have much, but it does NOT take much for me, even on a VERY full stomach XD I made a point of trying a couple bites of all the different dishes (there were like five of them) and also rehydrating in addition to having this DELICIOUS nectar of the gods that was mixed so strongly it made even the hardier drinkers shake their heads a bit XD

So, in the range of about twenty minutes, I’ve met about a dozen new people, forgotten about a dozen new names, inhaled three glasses of water, another modest plate of food and a shot and a half of what’s basically straight Rum.

I felt AMAZING. I didn’t think I COULD feel better than I did when I got on the train but BOY was I wrong.

That’s when they informed me the party was moving. I was just like “lol, you want me to stand up? uhh... Good luck with that...” but I was still mostly sober yet, and between the lot of us, we all managed to get outside and into a handful of Ubers and on our way to the next destination.

My car was the first one there, so we grabbed a table, I had another cup of water, slowly nursing it and waiting for the rest of the troupe to show up.

I was... a bit less interested in putting anything much more into my stomach at this point, but it’s a wedding, It’d be rude to just sit and drink water while everyone else drank beer. Thing is... I just... don’t like beer. This was a local place, and I could tell it was REALLY GOOD beer, but just... not my thing. I managed to nurse about half a beer and a couple cups of water (They were small cups) while we were there, chatting with new friends and old. It was a good time, even if I was feeling a little meh.

After a couple hours, we moved to the next place. I was feeling a bit less meh, had managed to pace myself pretty well, though I was still pretty giggly and tipsy. and they informed me gleefully that the next place had more Pitorro!! Mixed drinks with new varieties of Pitorro!! :3

I had one of those, tried a sip out my friend’s drink, all of them tasted SO GOOD. and I was SO gone XD tummy was still FULL, but I was just WAY too happy and bubbly to care, and I had PLENTY of people to chat with and grin with and just it was a GOOD time ^.^

After that, a few of us headed up to the bride and groom’s house. Hung out, lazed about with bride’s dog, who hadn’t seen me in about a year and a half and practically LAUNCHED herself over the back of the couch to come greet me, she was SO HAPPY to see her Uncle ‘Chubs.’

Around 11, the bride handed me a glass of Jungle Juice and asked my opinion. Bride has a tendency to mix things STRONG XD. But DAMNED if it wasn’t tasty XP

That was the last thing I had for that cheat day, but even the next morning I was feeling it. Didn’t get around to getting up and having breakfast until almost 10am XP (which was a philly cheese steak with all the works from the place on the corner XP) But DAMN was it a good time.

Cheat Day totals

Large bowl of pasta with cheese, sour cream, ham chunks

Four slices of bacon

two eggs

TWELVE tacos

five sampler-servings of Hispanic home cooking

1/2 a beer

~5 shots of Pitorro

~6-8 cups of water

one glass of “jungle juice”

#chubinecco cheats #Not certain about that tag. but for now. since don't want to confuse the people who regularly use the ''cheat day'' tag...#chubinecco talks #stuffing #If you guys are interested. I'm thinking about doing this every month from now on 8D #PS this is fairly stream of consciousness style. and not very edited XP just a forewarn

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