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#please forgive me i know it was written horribly i was 13!!!

flamingbluepanda · 3 years

Text

20 first lines for the 21st year of the century...

Tagged by the FABULOUS @hyper-fixate !

Rules; post the first lines of your last 20 stories. If you don’t have 20 published stories, post them all or use your last 20 WIPs! Pick your favorite and tag some friends!

I do have 20 stories posted (I have 97 not counting my podfics) and I sorted them by date posted instead of date updated. Imma go in reverse order too!

20. “Yusuf didn’t understand why his new traveling companion caught his attention quite so often.” From Hold Fast to Me, also known as cuddle the joe fic. (The new companion, of course, being Nicky)

19. “There are, Nicky thinks, very few things he loves more in this world than Joe’s hair and beard.” From My Bounty is as Boundless As The Sea, which has too much Shakespeare and a fantastic podfic by my friend magpie

18. “One month after Booker’s exile began, he was startled out of a drunken sleep by loud knocking on his door and the blessed voice of Yusuf Al-Kaysani (Di Genova ibn ibrahim ibn muhammid etcetera etcetera) shouting “Sebastien! Open the fucking door or I’ll break it!”” From à la mémoire des pères (et frères)

17. “Sometimes, Joe wondered what he’d done in his first life to get so… lucky. Or unlucky, depending on when you asked.” From There you go pulling me right back in (warning for smut at that link)

16. “Joe exhaled deeply, raising his face to the sun as he finished his final rak’ah.” From against the assault (more smut, although no actual assault dw! It’s super fluffy malta times)

15. “Nicolo had been determined, as a child, to devote his life to god” from you love me (as i am) which is my ace joe fic and is extremely near and dear to my heart

14. “It was the first snow of the year” from one enchanted evening in which might actually be my favorite thing I’ve written in the past year. Torchwood fans should click that link.

13. “Ianto remembers being a little kid and watching his tad choke on his beer, coughing up petals” from worst you can do, the hanahaki fic that @princess-of-the-worlds forced me to write at gunpoint

12. “Joe sighed mournfully as he closed the door to his flat behind him, leaning back against the door and rubbing his temples.” From crumbs of bread which involves smut and non consensual drug use but also chubby joe being a badass undercover dude and Nicky being protective

11. “Nicky loved the sofa at the Mercer Safehouse” from and we were barely dressed, which is based off of some AMAZING art by @luminarai (although everything Cecil draws is amazing 🥺🥺🥺🥺)

10. “Owning a company worth billions of dollars was exhausting” from from the clench of a jaw which is a tiny peek into an au that @oldguardhc dared me to write (and I might revisit one day)

9. “Normally, Ianto hated being stuck at the HUB, especially on medical orders” from Haul Out The Holly (Christmas fic!!)

8. “It was on the fourth date that Joe finally said the dreaded words: “I have something that we need to talk about before this goes any further.”” From a friend to all aka stripper joe au!

7. “When Jack put the rule in the book, he was drunk” from with a Lil’ help from my friends

6. “Joe’s hair was getting long” from poetry in motion (more fluffy malta smut!)

5. “Quynh barely remembers her name sometimes” from such horrible things (exactly what it seems) aka “Alicia takes a sledgehammer to their friends’ emotions; the fic” (incidentally, written for @hyper-fixate!)

4. “Nicky had only lived in his new apartment for three days before he heard the sound of a cat meowing in his kitchen” from Kitty Mail Service aka “Alicia is very sorry about the recent sledgehammering, please forgive them; the fic”

3. “Come back to bed” from the axe forgets, the tree remembers aka amnesia fic!! My Big Bang fic with art by @sunshineandchemistry !!! Just to emphasize how many times I’ve read this damn thing, I didn’t even have to look at the first line, I just know it off the top of my head

2. “The very first time he thinks about the fact that he’s never going to play again, it’s unbidden, frenzied. Joe isn’t even aware of it.” From everywhere, at all times, which is an offshoot of the quidditch au by the invaluable mehmeh

1. “Carlos never spent a lot of time at the fire station anymore.” From fathers & sons, my latest fic and first formal foray into the 911 and 911 lone star fandoms!

So what did we learn. I like to establish settings snd character things in my first lines I guess? I like to think I have great hooks. I used to get praised for it by various teachers? Anyway, this has been fun lmao.

I tag! @princess-of-the-worlds @violetmessages @peachpitandpomegranate @shejustcalledmeafish @thirteeninafez @hesnotmy @mrsimoshen @horselover107 @yavemiel and @victorian-sexstache !

#i was tagged

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apsaraqueen · 4 years

Note

For the ask: Love & Sleep. I started listing questions and then realised there were only 5 I missed out, so... ALL OF THE QUESTIONS PLEASE. I WANT TO KNOW ALL YOUR BRAIN THOUGHTS ABOUT LS.

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

There’s a lot of ways to interpret this question! In terms of substance, I wanted to write the kind of classic “the Shitennou come back” fic for Jadeite and Rei (my OTP, of course) that I’ve always wanted to read - something long and layered that deals with what happens after the initial shock, distrust, etc. of the return and delves into what the process of forgiveness and rediscovery might really look like. And to be clear, I’ve definitely read a lot of wonderful takes on this concept, it’s not new and so many other authors have done it better, but I haven’t found any that focused on my favorite couple (if there’s one I’ve missed, PLEASE SEND IT TO ME). And then stylistically, I just kind of wanted to write something...indulgent. For myself, really. Slow-paced, dreamy, gentle. I hope it hits the mark.

2: What scene did you first put down?

Boringly enough - the first scene! Where Jadeite, now called Junin, comes back, taking place on the grounds of the shrine. I had the image in my head for a long time before I started the fic.

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

I...have no idea. It honestly changes all the time. I’ll just pick a random one I like. It’s of Rei watching Junin (the reincarnated Jadeite) sleep. Not creepy at all, right? I like the level of comfort between the two it implies, and it’s just a tender, quiet moment with her thinking of him, and of what draws her to him.

Junin slept on his back, one arm tucked under his nape, the other tossed across his front; the length of his legs extended several centimeters past the rumpled sheets’ edge. A book propped on his chest bore an English title that made little sense to her. She knelt by his head, suddenly concerned he might be feverish, or taken ill. He wasn’t sweating, nor ashen. The priestess touched his forehead and found the temperature not dissimilar to her own.

Under her palm his eyebrows bristled, permanently arched where hers ran like the ties of train tracks. She felt fine sun-lines there that she couldn’t see. Against her fingers his hair was dense, grown now slightly off the scalp, lightened more from working outdoors. She took back her hand, put it in her lap. From time to time it still startled her, to be able to look at him like this, unrationed. Even here at rest, she thought there was control in his features, a kind of ruthless calm she’d never been able to help responding to.

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

This is really hard because I wouldn’t call this a dialogue-driven fic. Why, you ask? Because I can’t write dialogue to save my life. A lot of this fic - maybe even the majority - exists between the spaces of what’s said, so the dialogue is pretty.........formless. If I had to pick, I’d probably go with this.

“I killed you,” she said, and couldn’t help but add, “twice.”

“You were right,” he told her.

“And I didn't want to,” she went on dully. “When you came I – thought you were a ghost.”

“You wish I were?”

“I wish I didn’t remember. What we did.”

“Them,” said Junin. “Not us.”

She said, low: “I wish we’d done – anything else.”

I liked writing this because while I definitely think there’s a part of Rei struggling to forgive Junin for what his past self did, I also think there’s maybe even a larger part that wishes none of it happened at all, that their history could be erased and they could start fresh, that recognizes culpability is often complex and not as one-sided as you maybe want it to be (this of course depends on how you headcanon the Silver Millennium going down - I like to imagine it wasn’t necessarily all Shitennou=bad, Senshi=good).

5: What part was hardest to write?

Urg. Writing the first Silver Millennium flashback was pretty hard. It took me forever to figure out the right tone that didn’t sound horribly stilted and Lord of the Rings-esque. Also hard trying to convey the differences between Mars/Jadeite and Rei/Junin along with the similarities. Rei, for example, is a lot more wounded and careful with her emotions, for obvious reasons, than Mars ever was. And while Junin is still capable of being somewhat morally ambiguous, he’s also genuinely a nicer guy than the more politically-minded Jadeite could be. I wanted to get that across without getting mired in irrelevant details about the past……….which I maybe need to save for another longwinded fic altogether. *bangs head on wall*

After the first flashback things fell into line, more or less, but I must have rewritten that first one, like, ten times.

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

It’s longer than 12,000 words! AND took me more than double that to get to any smut! In seriousness, I think this is the first multichaptered fic I’ve written since, like.............high school.

7: Where did the title come from?

From the poem of the same name by A.C. Swinburne. It’s quite sexy, and the woman described in it sounds very much like Rei to my mind.

8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?

Normally, with most of my fics, I’d say yes...but in this case, not really. Other than the food. I most definitely drew on real-life inspiration - delicious things I’ve eaten, particularly while in Tokyo - for the food. You’ll never find me writing a fic without some gratuitous food pr0n in there for good measure. The wagashi shop the girls meet at is based on one I visited while there, actually.

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

Not really. You could say this is in some ways an alternate version of another fic I wrote a while back, Tragedia? When I wrote that one I had in the back of my mind that someday I should write the same concept with a very different ending...and here we are.

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

Because I love them! And I feel like I rarely see them happy in fic (to be clear, I do love my RxJ angst, so that’s not a bad thing!). I wanted to write a story for them that felt realistic and for lack of a better word, adult - that progressed in a natural way. I wanted to challenge myself to do it in a way that was slow-burning and relatively low-drama but not boring. And I wanted to see if I could sustain the tension and intimacy that makes their relationship so interesting to write, without resorting to my usual go-tos of smut (at least not immediately!) and angst.

11: What do you like best about this fic?

I’m happy with the atmosphere it conveys - sometimes moody, mostly serene. I worked really hard on that aspect and I feel like it maybe, kind of, sort of paid off!

12: What do you like least about this fic?

I wish it was wittier, more humorous in some places - I feel like it would add a sense of balance. That’s my biggest failing as a writer, I think; I really have no clue how to do comedy. I am not funny in the slightest.

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

I had just seen Call Me By Your Name when I started writing it, so a lot of the soundtrack for that. Mystery of Love in particular. Also a lot of Rhye.

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

Learn? No, I don’t think so. Just trying to put more of my OTP out in the world in hopes of inspiring more of it!

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

So much. Like I’ve noted above, this is the longest thing I’ve written in a long time and honestly I’m kind of amazed I’ve been able to stay motivated! Writing something longer requires, obviously, patience - you can’t just fire all your guns at once, you think of things you want to write RIGHT AWAY but then have to save them for later, you have to actually, ugh, have a structure………….this is all patently clear to a competent writer, but these are things I was pretty sure I’d forgotten how to do, so it’s been nice stretching myself this way.

Thank you for the ask, @coppercrane2 - this was so fun!

#fic asks #jadeite x rei #rei x jadeite #mars x jadeite #jadeite x mars #hino rei #jadeite #senshi x shitennou #shitennou x senshi #sailor moon fanfiction

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dailychapel · 3 years

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God my Champion, embolden me with the power of Your Holy Spirit when I am tempted to fear. Please strengthen me, help me, and hold me up with Your righteous right hand. These circumstances will not prevail against me, for You champion my cause. These troubles will be like grass that withers in the heat of the sun, for Your hand of blessing rests on me. Amen.

[Psa 18:2-16 NKJV] 2 The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. 3 I will call upon the LORD, [who is worthy] to be praised; So shall I be saved from my enemies. 4 The pangs of death surrounded me, And the floods of ungodliness made me afraid. 5 The sorrows of Sheol surrounded me; The snares of death confronted me. 6 In my distress I called upon the LORD, And cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, And my cry came before Him, [even] to His ears. 7 Then the earth shook and trembled; The foundations of the hills also quaked and were shaken, Because He was angry. 8 Smoke went up from His nostrils, And devouring fire from His mouth; Coals were kindled by it. 9 He bowed the heavens also, and came down With darkness under His feet. 10 And He rode upon a cherub, and flew; He flew upon the wings of the wind. 11 He made darkness His secret place; His canopy around Him [was] dark waters [And] thick clouds of the skies. 12 From the brightness before Him, His thick clouds passed with hailstones and coals of fire. 13 The LORD thundered from heaven, And the Most High uttered His voice, Hailstones and coals of fire. 14 He sent out His arrows and scattered the foe, Lightnings in abundance, and He vanquished them. 15 Then the channels of the sea were seen, The foundations of the world were uncovered At Your rebuke, O LORD, At the blast of the breath of Your nostrils. 16 He sent from above, He took me; He drew me out of many waters.

[Jer 5:1-31 NKJV] 1 "Run to and fro through the streets of Jerusalem; See now and know; And seek in her open places If you can find a man, If there is [anyone] who executes judgment, Who seeks the truth, And I will pardon her. 2 Though they say, '[As] the LORD lives,' Surely they swear falsely." 3 O LORD, [are] not Your eyes on the truth? You have stricken them, But they have not grieved; You have consumed them, But they have refused to receive correction. They have made their faces harder than rock; They have refused to return. 4 Therefore I said, "Surely these [are] poor. They are foolish; For they do not know the way of the LORD, The judgment of their God. 5 I will go to the great men and speak to them, For they have known the way of the LORD, The judgment of their God." But these have altogether broken the yoke [And] burst the bonds. 6 Therefore a lion from the forest shall slay them, A wolf of the deserts shall destroy them; A leopard will watch over their cities. Everyone who goes out from there shall be torn in pieces, Because their transgressions are many; Their backslidings have increased. 7 "How shall I pardon you for this? Your children have forsaken Me And sworn by [those that are] not gods. When I had fed them to the full, Then they committed adultery And assembled themselves by troops in the harlots' houses. 8 They were [like] well-fed lusty stallions; Every one neighed after his neighbor's wife. 9 Shall I not punish [them] for these [things]?" says the LORD. "And shall I not avenge Myself on such a nation as this? 10 "Go up on her walls and destroy, But do not make a complete end. Take away her branches, For they [are] not the LORD's. 11 For the house of Israel and the house of Judah Have dealt very treacherously with Me," says the LORD. 12 They have lied about the LORD, And said, "[It is] not He. Neither will evil come upon us, Nor shall we see sword or famine. 13 And the prophets become wind, For the word [is] not in them. Thus shall it be done to them." 14 Therefore thus says the LORD God of hosts: "Because you speak this word, Behold, I will make My words in your mouth fire, And this people wood, And it shall devour them. 15 Behold, I will bring a nation against you from afar, O house of Israel," says the LORD. "It [is] a mighty nation, It [is] an ancient nation, A nation whose language you do not know, Nor can you understand what they say. 16 Their quiver [is] like an open tomb; They [are] all mighty men. 17 And they shall eat up your harvest and your bread, [Which] your sons and daughters should eat. They shall eat up your flocks and your herds; They shall eat up your vines and your fig trees; They shall destroy your fortified cities, In which you trust, with the sword. 18 "Nevertheless in those days," says the LORD, "I will not make a complete end of you. 19 "And it will be when you say, 'Why does the LORD our God do all these [things] to us?' then you shall answer them, 'Just as you have forsaken Me and served foreign gods in your land, so you shall serve aliens in a land [that is] not yours.' 20 "Declare this in the house of Jacob And proclaim it in Judah, saying, 21 'Hear this now, O foolish people, Without understanding, Who have eyes and see not, And who have ears and hear not: 22 Do you not fear Me?' says the LORD. 'Will you not tremble at My presence, Who have placed the sand as the bound of the sea, By a perpetual decree, that it cannot pass beyond it? And though its waves toss to and fro, Yet they cannot prevail; Though they roar, yet they cannot pass over it. 23 But this people has a defiant and rebellious heart; They have revolted and departed. 24 They do not say in their heart, "Let us now fear the LORD our God, Who gives rain, both the former and the latter, in its season. He reserves for us the appointed weeks of the harvest." 25 Your iniquities have turned these [things] away, And your sins have withheld good from you. 26 'For among My people are found wicked [men]; They lie in wait as one who sets snares; They set a trap; They catch men. 27 As a cage is full of birds, So their houses [are] full of deceit. Therefore they have become great and grown rich. 28 They have grown fat, they are sleek; Yes, they surpass the deeds of the wicked; They do not plead the cause, The cause of the fatherless; Yet they prosper, And the right of the needy they do not defend. 29 Shall I not punish [them] for these [things]?' says the LORD. 'Shall I not avenge Myself on such a nation as this?' 30 "An astonishing and horrible thing Has been committed in the land: 31 The prophets prophesy falsely, And the priests rule by their [own] power; And My people love [to have it] so. But what will you do in the end?

[1Co 4:1-21 NKJV] 1 Let a man so consider us, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God. 2 Moreover it is required in stewards that one be found faithful. 3 But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by a human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself. 4 For I know of nothing against myself, yet I am not justified by this; but He who judges me is the Lord. 5 Therefore judge nothing before the time, until the Lord comes, who will both bring to light the hidden things of darkness and reveal the counsels of the hearts. Then each one's praise will come from God. 6 Now these things, brethren, I have figuratively transferred to myself and Apollos for your sakes, that you may learn in us not to think beyond what is written, that none of you may be puffed up on behalf of one against the other. 7 For who makes you differ [from another]? And what do you have that you did not receive? Now if you did indeed receive [it], why do you boast as if you had not received [it]? 8 You are already full! You are already rich! You have reigned as kings without us--and indeed I could wish you did reign, that we also might reign with you! 9 For I think that God has displayed us, the apostles, last, as men condemned to death; for we have been made a spectacle to the world, both to angels and to men. 10 We [are] fools for Christ's sake, but you [are] wise in Christ! We [are] weak, but you [are] strong! You [are] distinguished, but we [are] dishonored! 11 To the present hour we both hunger and thirst, and we are poorly clothed, and beaten, and homeless. 12 And we labor, working with our own hands. Being reviled, we bless; being persecuted, we endure; 13 being defamed, we entreat. We have been made as the filth of the world, the offscouring of all things until now. 14 I do not write these things to shame you, but as my beloved children I warn [you]. 15 For though you might have ten thousand instructors in Christ, yet [you do] not [have] many fathers; for in Christ Jesus I have begotten you through the gospel. 16 Therefore I urge you, imitate me. 17 For this reason I have sent Timothy to you, who is my beloved and faithful son in the Lord, who will remind you of my ways in Christ, as I teach everywhere in every church. 18 Now some are puffed up, as though I were not coming to you. 19 But I will come to you shortly, if the Lord wills, and I will know, not the word of those who are puffed up, but the power. 20 For the kingdom of God [is] not in word but in power. 21 What do you want? Shall I come to you with a rod, or in love and a spirit of gentleness?

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever. Amen.

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

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rhysand-vs-fenrys · 5 years

Text

My Fanfic Library: The Masterlist (As of 03/26/20)

**For the sake of space, only Chapter 1 of long-form fics is linked.**

The Shadows of Night (Ongoing)

A mysterious army appears in the mountains of Night and soon declares war against the High Lords. The conflict will shed light on Night's darkest secrets and reveal the horrible truth behind every Daemati and Shadowsinger in Prythian.

Tumblr: ~1~ || ~2~ || ~3~ || ~4~ || ~5~ || ~6~ || ~7~ || ~8~ || ~9~ || ~10~ || ~11~ || ~12~ || ~13~ || ~14~ || ~15~ || ~16~ || ~17~ || ~18~ || ~19~ || ~20~ || ~21~ || ~22~ || ~23~ || ~24~ || ~25~ || ~26~ || ~27~ || ~28~ || ~29~ || ~30~ || ~31~ || ~32~ || ~33~ || ~34~ ||

AO3 || Fanfiction.net

The Cabin By The Lake

Cassian has been keeping a secret- for the past 300 years he has been building cabins around a lake to house the Inner Circle and any family they might have. Five years after the end of ACOWAR, the cabins are finished and the Inner Circle descends for two weeks in paradise.

**Even-number chapters contain smut scenes.

Chapter 1 || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Velaris

“Protect Velaris. Protect each other. I love you all.” With Rhys’ final words, the shields around Velaris rise, trapping the Inner Circle inside for fifty years. This series follows Mor, Cassian, Azriel, and Amren as they struggle to adapt and fulfill Rhys’ final request.

Chapter 1 || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Velaris: Fury and Ruin

Following a disastrous attack on Hybern, Cassian’s wings are broken, Azriel is critically wounded, and Feyre is dragged to Spring by Tamlin. Rhysand must now earn the forgiveness of his friends, protect his new sisters-in-law, and find a way to protect Prythian from a looming war- all without his mate and best friend by his side.

**You do not need to read my previous series "Velaris"

Chapter 1 || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

The Feast of Souls

Everyone gathers at the estate in Velaris for the Feast of Souls- and to quietly investigate Feyre’s erratic behavior and strange temperament. Figuring out what is wrong with her is the easy part though- the hard part will be saving her soul before the clock strikes midnight and she is lost forever.

Chapter 1 || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

An Elucien Epilogue

Lucien returns to Velaris after the events of ACOWAR, determined to be a better male than Tamlin and put aside his mating bond if that’s what Elain wants.

Tumblr || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Bring Her Home

After forty-nine years in hell, Rhysand has returned to Night. A piece of him will always belong to that human who saved Prythian- the fae female now poised to marry his sworn enemy. As the sun sets on that horrible day a plea goes out across the Courts- “please, save me. Get me out. End this,” and Rhysand is only too happy to oblige.

Tumblr || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

The Poison in the Wound

Feyre and Tamlin meet to try and finally clear away some of the bad blood between them.

Tumblr || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Strength in Darkness

After she is woken by a particularly horrible nightmare, Elain asks her husband to take her to the only place that might help her make sense of everything that has happened to her: Under the Mountain.

Elucien Edition || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Elriel Edition || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

What Rises from the Ashes

Tamlin confesses that he and Amarantha were incompatible mates- and the role that played in his downfall.

Tumblr || AO3 || Fanfiction.net || (New) Authorized German Translation

When the Darkness Comes

Lucien recalls the day Amarantha took his eye- and the difficult weeks that followed.

Tumblr || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

The World Beyond My Cage

Azriel recalls his childhood, how he ended up in an Illyrian camp far from his cell, and how his world was changed by an arrogant little Lordling with a chamber pot.

Tumblr || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

A Peaceful Night (18+)

The holidays are a time for too many parties, too many people, and too much noise. After the festivities are over though, one can take solace in the love of their other half and the light that person brings into their life.

Feysand Edition || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Nessian Edition || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Elucien Edition || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Elriel Edition || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Azuala Edition || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Amrian Edition || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Morridwen Edition || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

A Sweet Treat (Feysand 18+)

On Feyre’s first Feast of Souls in Velaris, she finds a new way to give Rhys his holiday chocolates.

Tumblr || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

A Midday Treat (Feysand 18+)

Rhys has been skipping meals again, so Feyre decides to give him an incentive to eat his lunch.

Tumblr || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Alone in the Townhouse (Nessian 18+)

When the Court of Nightmares visits Velaris, Nesta and Cassian plot to take advantage of their time alone and finally take things to the next level.

Tumblr || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Nessian: The Mating (Nessian 18+)

At long last, Cassian and Nesta's wedding (and mating) day has arrived... along with most of Prythian.

*This is a sequel to "Alone in the Townhouse"*

Extended Re-Post Chapter 1 || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Short Version || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Simply Love (Morridwen 18+)

In a thinly veiled attempt to seduce Cerridwen, Mor takes her lover of three years to day for a date before spending an evening at home. A simple, sweet fic for a simple and sweet love.

Tumblr || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Slowly (Nessian 18+)

Cassian returns from a fierce Illyrian civil war weary and on edge. Nesta wants to welcome her lover home after weeks away, but she knows the lust that comes on the heels of bloodshed has been building in Cassian the entire time he’s been gone. Both desperately want to be with one another, but for Nesta’s sake he must shove down the Illyrian and proceed slowly.

Tumblr || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

A Bargain Well Struck (Nessian 18+)

Their deal is simple enough- if Nesta trains hard enough, she can claim a massage as her reward. Cassian’s hands never venture beneath the modesty-towels, so Nesta makes sure all the right places are exposed.

Tumblr || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Sharing Heaven (Nessian & Azriel 18+)

Nesta and Cassian invite Azriel to join them in bed, and Nesta finally gets what she’s been dreaming of all year.

Tumblr || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Alone in the Garden (Elucien 18+)

As the Inner Circle tricks Nesta and Cassian into spending some alone time together, Elain and Lucien find themselves unchaperoned at the House of Wind. **Contains ACOWAR Spoilers** (This is a quasi-sequel to "An Elucien Epilogue" and runs concurrently to "Alone in the Townhouse")

Tumblr || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Cazriel: The Spongebath (Cazriel 18+)

In this AU of my fic "Velaris: Fury and Ruin", Cassian and Azriel explore previously untouched desires each male feels for their friend (written for Court-0f-Dreamers on tumblr in 15 min after too much alcohol).

Tumblr || AO3 || Fanfiction.net: NOT AVAILABLE

The Torturer’s Throne (Cazriel 18+)

Cassian helps Azriel push his darkness aside and takes a bit of relief for himself in the process.

Tumblr || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Until the Shadows Are Silent (Cazriel 18+)

For eight years the shields around Velaris have kept the Inner Circle trapped. Azriel is drowning under the wrath, rage, and pain of being caged in the city, so he turns to an old lover, one who is very good at bending fae over and not stopping until their minds and bodies are ravaged– Cassian.

*Contains strong BDSM themes, DM if you are concerned about a specific TW*

Tumblr || AO3 || Fanficiton.net

One Year in Heaven (Elucien/Elriel 18+)

Elain and her husband celebrate their first anniversary in style. A romantic dinner, an exchange of gifts, and a new suite of bedroom toys to try out.

Elucien Edition || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Elriel Edition || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Watching (Elucien 18+)

Elain and Lucien head into the foothills of Velaris to attend the opera, but their true destination is an exclusive club hidden deep beneath the theater. They’ll still get a hell of a show- and have a chance to put on one themselves.

Tumblr || AO3 || Fanfiction.Net

Sharing (A Watching Sequel) (Elucien 18+)

For years Elain and Lucien have been loyal members of (and performers in) the sensual club hidden beneath Velaris’ opera house. Now- after months of discussion- they have decided to test the waters on expanding their display and changing their masks. No audience, no stage- and no longer just the two of them.

Tumblr || AO3 || Fanfiction.Net

Incense Burner (Ongoing (Elucien 18+))

After a collapse in the Hewn City reveals a long lost Vault of the High Lords, Lucien and Elain accidentally come to possess one of the Lord’s treasures. What appears to be a simple incense burner turns out to be something far, far more. As Elain and Lucien fall under its spell time and again they will be drawn into a world they could only imagine in their wildest dreams…

Chapter 1 || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Chapter 2 || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

A Peaceful Night (18+)

Manorian Edition || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Chaorene Edition || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Elorcan Edition || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Rowaelin Edition || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Nesraq Edition || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Lysaedion Edition || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

The Calm After the Storm (Rowaelin 18+)

Erawan and Maeve have been defeated, the armies of Morath are vanquished, and Aelin rightly sits on the throne of Terrasen with Rowan by her side- and Lord Darrow as a constant pain in her ass. Frustrated and in need of a break, Aelin orders Rowan to do his job and consort with his Queen.

Tumblr || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

To Spite the Shadow (Rowaelin 18+)

Nearly a year has passed since Aelin and Rowan destroyed the forces of Maeve and Erawan. Terrasen is rebuilding, Aelin is healing, and the world is finally at peace. Rowan conspires with Lysandra to give his mate a rest from her Queenly duties.

Tumblr || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

For You (Lysaedion 18+)

Lysandra and Aedion enjoy a peace and freedom they never knew before Erawan and Maeve’s defeat. Still- something isn’t quite right. Aedion is keeping one of his desires secret, and Lysandra is determined to figure out what it is.

Tumblr || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

A Familiar Stranger (Lysaedion 18+)

Tanned bronze skin, piercing violet eyes, night black hair- after a nightmare week in Orynth, Aedion goes for a drink and catches the eye of a beautiful- and familiar- fae male. When the male leaves, Aedion follows him to a dark, secluded alley where they can both blow off some steam.

Tumblr || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

The Path Ahead (Elorcan 18+)

For Elide, it is the end of her virginity. For Lorcan, it’s the last ‘first time’ he ever wants to have. Both are nervous about the evening to come, but neither would change it for the world.

Tumblr || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

A Cure for Nightmares (Manorian 18+)

Mere weeks after the events of “Empire of Storms”, Manon and the Thirteen conspire to give Dorian the break he so desperately needs.

Tumblr || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Curing the Fever (Manorian 18+)

Manon is forced to leave a meeting early due to a suspected illness. Luckily for her and Dorian, none of the Thirteen guessed exactly what was wrong.

Tumblr || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

One Year in Heaven (Manorian 18+)

Dorian and Manon celebrate the anniversary of their meeting in style- with ropes, chains, and a bit of domination.

Tumblr || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Morning in the Jingshi

A new merchant has moved into Caiyi Town, one who deals in sinful wares. Wuxian places an order and decides to model a whole suite of new toys for Wangji. Wei Wuxian has always liked it rough, but he may have been too ambitious this time.

Tumblr || AO3 || Fanfiction.Net (Not Available)

Project: Echo (Part 1)

A long-buried Hydra disaster, a monster in the shadows, a missing child. Eight months after the events of “The Winter Soldier”, Bucky turns himself in to the Avengers on one condition: They must help him find a girl snatched off the streets by Hydra seven years ago. In their quest, the Avengers accidentally unleash a horrifying creature of darkness and shadow, intent on making their quarry its prey.

Prologue || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Project: Echo (Part 2)

A new enemy surfaces with a team of the Avengers’ greatest foes, hand-picked for their destruction. Meanwhile, Inessa’s pre-Hydra past begins to surface, casting doubt on where her loyalties truly lie.

Prologue || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Project: Echo (FINALE)

Seven years after the events of “Part 2”, Avengers Tower explodes, fulfilling Bucky’s vision. All evidence points to Avengers Shadow-Ops leader Inessa Ryker, who is forced to seek out Bucky in hiding. Together they must determine who the traitor is in their ranks and if their friends are still alive- all while trying to survive deadly ambushes orchestrated by Sam Wilson and his hand-picked army.

Prologue || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Avengers: Valkyrie Wars (Part 1)

When a young woman stumbles across a Valkyrie artifact the Avengers will fight Asgard, Valkyrie, Loki, Hydra, and the last of a monstrous race known as the Norn. Whoever claims the weapon can unleash Hell, but when it vanishes Loki takes the only person capable of finding it again: Steve Roger's lover.

**All cannon through "Winter Soldier" used, NO "Age of Ultron" or "Civil War"**

Tumblr: Not Available || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

To Save Her Soul (Ongoing)

After the events of "Captain America: Civil War", Alice Pierce (the granddaughter of Alexander Pierce), a drug addict, is pulled off the streets and forced through detox by the Avengers so that she might help infiltrate her grandfather's compound to rescue Clint's wife and children.

**Trigger warnings noted above chapters, overall warning for drug use/withdrawal**

Tumblr: Not Available || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

X-Reader Format (Abandoned) || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

The Ridiculous Ground-Up World Building Sheet

Shorter: World Building 101

World Building 102: World Building Tips

The Ridiculous Ground-Up Character Building Sheet

General Writing Tips

Master Plot Types

Things to Ask Yourself

Dialogue

How to Write Smut

Tough-Love Tips for Writers

893 notes · View notes

in-a-cave-with · 5 years

Note

can you make a list of every mavel comic you've ever read (good and bad) i just finished iron man (1998) and i thoroughly loved it with all its best and weird bits

GOOD™

iron man stuff:

tales of suspense (1963) – a classic. 100/10. would read several times

iron man vol 1 (1968) – i’m on, like, issue 20 out of 300 something but it’s also very very good! the drama..the action……..wig

iron man vol 3 (1998) – obv i know youve read this one anon but for anyone out there starting comics this one’s SUPER good, and also Love Is Stored In The Tonyru

iron man vol 4 (2005) – listen this comic. so great, so iconic. maya hansen! epic fights! director stark! good art except for, like, the 6 issues of execute program but execute program is such a good story arc that you wont even notice!

iron man noir (2010) – INDIANA JONES AU TONY STARK, LITERALLY THE BEST CONCEPT MARVEL’S COME UP WITH. PEAK COMICS IRONFAM

iron man legacy (2010) – i enjoyed this one a lot! i’m kind of confused as to, like, what’s going on but it’s fun

iron man season one (2013) – ok so this is, like, a modern remake of tony’s origin story and it’s..kind of average imo but thats ok! bc you can just look at the very very pretty pictures

iron man fatal frontier (2013) – tony becomes governor of the moon and fights doom! also he takes down an ai with weaponized fanfiction somewhere in there. read this one with a .cbr reader

invincible iron man vol 2 (2015) – gonna maybe fuck around and rec bendis’ entire iron man run bc . the art is gorgeous and the story isn’t the strongest but tony’s characterization is v good

international iron man (2016) – ok i dont remember what happens in this one but alex maleev’s art is literally god

invincible iron man vol 3 (2016) – RIRI WILLIAMS!!!! AND ALSO AI TONY STARK (MY SON MY BOY WHOM I LOVE)!!!!

other stuff:

new avengers vol 1 (2005) – as i have said before. new avengers GOT the sauce. stevetony and caroljess on one team was too powerful so marvel had to break em up with civil war . also stop reading this comic when you get to civil war

civil war: casualties of war (2007) and civil war: the confession (2007) – these are both oneshot comics and also the Only Civil War Content You Need To Subject Yourself To

spider-man noir (2010) – a break from the avengers stuff to tell you that this comic is very brutal and also very good

secret invasion (2010) – ok avengers emh did it better™ but this is still very neat! also it’s pretty trippy so its got that going for it too

siege (2010) – i dont understand what’s going on but the art is very good. also the avengers get to beat up norman osborn’s bitch ass

avengers prime (2011) – apparently this is the “stevetony bible” and …honestly there isn’t anything i can say in objection to that

avengers vol 4 (2010) – this comic is SUPER fun. after the fear itself tie ins the art and story get pretty eugh though so be careful

fear itself (2012) – BEST BEST BEST!!! my favorite crossover event in comics, with cool art and a badass storyline

captain marvel vol 4 (2012) – can we get a yeehaw for CAROL DANVERS . hell yeah. this is her first run with the name captain marvel and it’s Very Good

avengers: the enemy within (2014) – captain marvel vol 4 ends on a cliffhanger and the storyline’s capped off here

avengers vol 5 (2013) – ok so *clown noises* i haven’t exactly finished it but…this is the One Was Life The Other Was Death comic and it’s super good from what ive read so far

hawkeye (2013) – matt fraction’s run! everyone and their dog wants you to read it and you absolutely should if you have not. not too sure abt the volume numbering but heres a link to download in TPBs, it’s volumes 1-4

captain marvel vol 5 (2014) – this is the volume featuring chewie (!!) and carol in outer space with the guardians of the galaxy (!!!). super fun in general, would read again

ms marvel (2014) – again i am VERY confused as to what the official issue/volume numbering is, but here’s a list of TPBs that collect pretty much every kamala khan comic pre 2019 (im gonna rec all of them bc kamala is a treasure)

doctor strange vol 3 (2015) – literally everything i want from a comic tbh, also chris bachalo’s art is amazing

marvel 1872 (2015) – no one actually calls this Stevetony Bible 2 but lbr it’s basically Stevetony Bible 2

all-new all-different avengers (2015) – BEST AVENGERS TEAM EVER. EVER. PLEASE BENDIS WHY DID YOU BREAK THIS TEAM UP IM SAD

the unbelievable gwenpool (2016) – oh god oh fuck it’s miss GWEN POOLE . this comic is super funny and also surprisingly heartfelt, plus the art is . mmm.

champions (2016) – the gen z superhero team, i love all of them so much. i can almost forgive marvel for ending anad avengers

hunt for wolverine: adamantium agenda (2018) – so this is, after 11 goddamn years, closure for the first civil war regarding tony and the new avengers that sided with steve. amazing.

the life of captain marvel (2018) – the carol origin retcon is…eh. but it’s still very good! think of it as carol’s international iron man

avengers: back to basics (2018) – kamala goes back in time and accidentally reveals tony’s secret identity and it’s the funniest fucking thing

captain marvel (2019) – the first issue is everyone bullying tony which sucks but DONT LET THAT GET YOU DOWN bc it’s, like, actually good and also tony appears more in later issues without getting bullied

war of realms (2019) – i guess it’s a marvel rule that all crossover comics having to do with asgard are Top Notch? anyway

loki (2019) – AMAZING loki shenanigans and also the REAL reason you needed to read war of realms tbh

ironheart (2019) – gosh i love riri williams so much she’s so GREAT and you should DEFINITELY READ THIS

QUESTIONABLE™:

invincible iron man vol 1 (2008) – matt fraction’s iron man run…it’s ..ok story wise? however the characterization is a lil off at times and the art is HORRIBLE

iron man vol 5 (2013) – ok so this comic is super weird ? because it’s nice that tony spends time out in space but also it confirms that he’s a furry apparently. pretty much the only truly average iron man comic

avengers vol 8 (2018) – okay so i really like the art and the story’s okay but there’s a bit where tony flirts w carol and it’s the most ooc thing ive ever seen and that’s enough to land it in the questionable category

tony stark: iron man (2018) – i debated over whether to put this here or in the Bad™ category BUT valerio schiti’s art is too beautiful and the rhodeytony content fuels me. also issues 12 and 13 (war of realms) written by gail simone are pretty good. unfortunately dan slott wrote the rest and it AINT IT CHIEF

gwenpool strikes back (2019) – it starts off strong in the first issue but goes downhill from there and tbh it’s not really respectful of the previous gwenpool run

magnificent ms marvel (2019) – ok listen i love kamala a lot but if theres gonna be a romance plot between her and bruno it’s the electric chair

BAD. AVOID AT ALL COSTS™

iron man vol 2 (1996) – just. don’t touch this. it’s a hot mess

civil war (2006) – i hate this. so much. it’s unreal. all you need to know is that steve was real close to killing tony in the end but surrendered when he saw that he no longer had the moral high ground. and also steve got assassinated right before he was going to be put on trial

mighty avengers (2007) – this comic had the potential to be SO good. unfortunately the artists for the actual avengers issues don’t respect women at all

superior iron man (2015) – they made tony evil and i could not be more angry with it. who even fucking wants to read this theres not even any emotional payoff for any of this

civil war ii (2016) – i would hit this stupid comic in the knees if i could. there is not a single c*vil w*r with rights. all you need to know is that carol put tony into a coma and it’s super ooc

iron man 2020 (2020) – listen i know this comic hasn’t come out yet but it has all the ingredients to be EVEN WORSE than superior iron man which is saying a lot.

this took way too much effort

#long post #tony stark #iron man #comics rec #i have read..many comics

153 notes · View notes

missmarrypotter · 5 years

Text

🌹New start 🌹

13 reasons why Characters x OC (Penelopee)

Warnings : Monty is in it and Bryce is mentioned - so if you're not ok with it, please don't read. Some curse words..!?

It's actually poorly and kinda confusing written 😅

Penelopee's mouth went dry, her heart either threatened to burst or totally stopped beating at all. She couldn't tell right now. Everything was numb. Her thoughts. Herself. Everything around her. Tears ran down her cheeks. They felt like they would burn her face to ashes.

Charlie put his hand on her shoulder, she saw it but she did not feel it.

His words were just some noises in her ears. Just some rustle. As he carefully took her in his embrace her tears turned into a loud sobbing, shaking her whole body like crazy.

Charlie knew that his words would break her but he wasn't exactly ready to see his friend like that.

He was fighting with his own tears while he gently stroke her hair.

After what felt like hours she stopped her heavily sobbing and faced him. She could barely see him through her swollen eyes but she knew he had that caring and also worrying expression.

She took a deep breath.

"Thank you for telling me.." she sniffled.

He just nodded and forced himself to smile a little.

"I … would you drive me to him Charlie? .. i know this is much to ask but .. would you!?" She asked while trying to calm down her breathing.

"Yes. Yes sure whatever you need Phee" , he said kinda rushed while fiddling his car keys out of his pocket.

As they both were on their way to the most horrible conversation she would probably ever have in her live, her breathing raised until the point she felt like vomiting all over Charlie's car. She opened the window with shaking hands, hoping fresh air would help. But it actually felt like a slap on her face.

"Uhm .. do you want me to call Luke!?" He nervously asked.

She immediately, almost violently shook her head.

"He's got enough trouble with his parents because of the steroids and i don't want him to… i don't know i just wanna talk with him when i'm calmed down.."

He nodded.

"You didn't tell him, did you!?"

"No he just knows that Monty is in jail but not why .. i guess he would have told you himself if he knew. I'm sorry you had to hear it from me i guess hearing it from your boyfriend would have been much better. "

There were those tears again, building rivers down her cheeks, finding their way out of her nose, down her lips. She hated that taste. It immediately reminded her of the other fucked up things that happened the last years.

"No. It is good you told me and not anybody else." She assured him.

"Tyler was so brave to talk to the police. I admire him for it and .. i'm proud of you for supporting and encouraging him to do it.." she added. He thanked her but he felt rather guilty than like he did something good. Back than in the locker room when Bryce confronted Montgomery with what he did he just couldn't believe it. He never thought his friend could do Something like that. And hearing it out of a guys mouth who had raped a bunch of girls seemed even crazier. But when Tyler stood up as a survivor to Jessica's speech he realised that it really happened and to whom it happened. And he realised he could do something.

It was hard for him to turn his friend in even after what he did but telling Phee what her best friend did was the hardest thing he ever had to do. He knew how much she loved Monty. She lost Jeff and now she was about to lose Monty too. He wasn't dead. But he was kinda gone. He went to a place not even his best friend could pull him out anymore.

As they entered the parking lot in front of the building where Montgomery de la cruz was held behind bars she noticed his father's car. The hair on the back of her neck immediately stood up. She hated that man with all of her heart. How many times did she fear that he would actually beat Monty to death!? How many times did she hide him, cleaning his bruises!? She couldn't even tell.

Her legs were slightly unstable as she got out of the car. With Charlie by her side she managed to enter the building. She would have cried again as she realizes where she was but apparently there weren't any tears left. Her face remained dry and her expression went blank.

After the security man searched her from head to toe and gave his ok, they guided her to the visitors area while Charlie stayed back. She had to face him alone.

There he sat. His father standing in front of him. She couldn't hear anything but his father was angry as always. She understood him this time but when she saw he actually spit in his son's face she was deeply shook. The guards removed mister De la cruz from the area immediately. Monty's Expression was so sad, she had never seen him that broken before. As he struggled to clean his face while still being chained up she walked right up to him, using her sleeve to dry his face.

As she sat down in front of him she wanted .. what did she want!? Shout at him? Hug him? Slap him? Comfort him? She didn't know exactly. Her feelings were so torn that she just stared at him for a minute.

" I'm so sorry Phee..", he started but as soon as he said those words anger overcame her.

"You better be, boy. I always, always had your back. I always defended you, always told people you were not just a violent, stupid jock on steroids. I told them you were so loyal, caring, funny and actually a really damn good friend. But Now you proved everyone they were right, that deep down you are a fucked up psycho instead. What you did is not excusable. You did not just mess with Tyler. It was not just a joke. How could anything like that ever be a joke!? Wake the fuck up. I know your Dad fucked you up but he honestly did more damage than i wanted to see. This is serious, it's not just beating up some kid. It's rape. Fuck Monty, i'm so dod damn disappointed and grossed out i can't' even tell you. God i'm so tired of your shit" she shouted at him. Now it was him that had tears in his eyes. What had he done!? He had ruined lives. How could he not have noticed how serious things got!? He and Bryce apparently were just alike. Apparently they both didn't know how to be a normal emphatic human being. For Monty it had always been his friends that bought him out of trouble, for Bryce it had been his parents. They never had to think about their mistakes, never had to work things out. And they never tried it any other way. Shit always turned out good for them until now. Now they lost everything. For good.

" I know … i know that now. I don't know why i .. i don't know anything to be honest" he whispered, tears covering his orange overall.

She took some deep breaths. The anger obviously was still there more than ready to burst out again. Things would never be like they were before between them. She could never forget the reason he was here but she also could never forget what he did for her. Honestly to her he had been a real friend. He never ever would have hurt her and without him and Scott she would have lost her mind after Jeff was gone. Speaking of Scott. Monty had been the sweetest support when her boyfriend of almost 2 years broke up with her. Scott got a scholarship for a sportschool in England. It was his great chance and she was so happy for him. They wanted to give long distance relationship a chance but after four weeks he texted her he met somebody new. She was shattered but Monty managed to build her up again. He took her with him wherever he could. He introduced her to Charlie, who had become a really good friend to her and Luke Holliday, the boy she was in a relationship for three month now. Well she knew Luke for quite some time already but it never really clicked until then. She felt like a hypocrite. Crying over Scott that hard and then after just a few month finding herself falling in love with someone else. But he didn't judge her like other people from school did. He never did. But now he did something. Now it was him who shattered her much more than a breakup ever could. He had her worried many many times. Worried about his future. Worried about his health. But now she wished she was just worried. But she wasn't. She had so much emotions boiling inside of her she couldn't sort or figure out. She couldn't think straight in any way. She hated herself right now. She hated herself for apparently going blind for Monty's actions after Jeff died. She even hated herself for not being able to just hate him right now. She really wanted to. Things would be easier. She wanted to see just his dark side and not love some part of him anymore.

"Please, Penelopee i .. i can be better. I can change." he managed to say, his words almost breaking under his emotions.

She stared at him without any expression. Apparently all those emotions at once lead to not having any at all.

"That you can change i can see pretty clearly now…" she said monotonous.

Her coldness made him frown and shudder. He would have prefered her shouting at him. Crying at him. Shaming him. But he couldn't handle her having no emotions towards him at all because that meant she gave up on him. Did she!? She didn't know it herself but he saw it in her eyes. She really did. And he kind of understood.

She took his hand in hers. Her warmth almost made his heart jump but the coldness in her following words brought it back and shattered it on the ground of reality.

"I loved you. I may still love you but .. i don't know right now. I know nothing anymore but I'm done saving you because i obviously couldn't .. and it's breaking me. I can't forgive and forget what you did to my friends Monty .. but i ..", tears started running down her cheeks once more. She brushed them away to be able to continue. " But i will never forget our time together as friends. You were actually really good at it...Jail is a chance for you, Monty. Use it. Please. I believe you can be the boy i called my best friend again one day. This can be a new start for you. I don't know if there is a new start for us but … just try your best." She stroke his cheek, collecting some of his tears.

He just swallowed hard and nodded slightly.

"Thank you for being by my side all those years. I wish i wouldn't have fucked us and .. other lives up. I really do. And i swear i will use my chance. I will be better." He meant it. She could tell.

"I believe you.. or at least i really want to .. i think. I'm not sure about anything right now. I will visit you again when i've made up my mind .. but i can't guarantee that you will like my final decision. "

He gave her hand a last squeeze before she stood up.

"You do whatever is best for you. I know Luke will take care of you. I know it. He really loves you… Thank you for everything."

She nodded. " I know he will .. and i will look after Winston i think he could use a friend right now as well."

He looked at her confused as hell. He never told her anything about his attraction to men or about this cute boy he met at this rich kids party back then.

" Yeah i obviously did not know everything about you but i know some things." She said softly. "Farewell and thank you too Monty." She managed to break half of a smile at him for her goodbye.

He wanted to say something, wanted to explain why he hadn't told her but it wouldn't have mattered so he just watched his other half walking out of his life for good quietly. She didn't turn around. She just couldn't.

Charlie stood up as soon as he saw her coming his way.

" Penelopee. Are You good!? I mean how do you feel, how are you!? Not good i guess but .. yeah" He asked tensed.

She pulled her shoulders up. "I'm alive so i'm .. ok i guess" she said. As she said so he could see that a heavy burden had fallen off of her. But he could see her pain as well.

She gave him a hug.

"Sorry i was so caught up in myself i totally forgot he was your friend too .." she apologized.

He shook his head. " Don't apologize. You have every right to think about yourself for once. We weren't as close as you guys and not for such a long time. I'm good." He assured her.

"Thank you so much for everything. For staying, for telling me .. can we see Luke now !?"

"Yes, sure. Let's go" he said.

As they got back into the car she texted her boyfriend a short message so he knew they had to talk with him about something quite serious.

As they arrived at Luke's House her head was almost smoking. She had tried to figure out the best way to tell him that another of his friends had done the unthinkable and had been locked away now. But she figured there was no good way. That's why she asked Charly to tell him. He did a great job telling her so he was the better choice for that.

Luke was speechless. His first instinct was to hug his girlfriend. He was so sweet. She knew he was sad as well but his first thought was her wellbeing.

"I'm so sorry Baby" she mumbled into his chest.

"Don't worry i can handle it sweetie" he told her.

He was strong so she knew he could but it still would be pretty hard on him. Those boys were like a family. Every family is messed up in their own way and sometimes it ends up in seperation. Some are for the bad but some are for the good. Penelopee's parting from Bryce and Monty was for her good but she understood or tolerated that it might be different for others. Luke and some of her other friends for example kept in contact with Bryce and some would probably with Monty. Not everything about them was bad, they had been quite good friends back then actually. She had absolutely no idea if she would stay completely away from Montgomery from now on but fate actually decided for her.

The next day she left school earlier because she did not feel that well and her teacher told her to go home and sleep a little. So after welcoming Clay back and having an emotional talk with Tyler she did.

She woke up due to her doorbell ringing like crazy. As she opened the door she was standing right before her boyfriend who looked filled with consternation.

"What now..!?" She asked deeply concerned.

" You might wanna sit down for this.."

She slowly turned around, waddling into the living room, letting herself flop on the couch. Her whole body felt like pudding. Did they call in Clay for murder again? Did Luke have to face some serious consequences because of the steroids? Did they find Bryce's murderer? Her head was spinning.

" Do you need to throw up!?" Luke asked, patting her back slightly.

" No… not yet please just tell me.." she whined.

He took a deep breath.

" I met Tim at the Gym today. Baby .. he told me they found Monty dead in his cell .." he said in a shaking voice.

Penelopee went as pale as porcelain immediately. She opened her mouth but there were no words coming out of it. There they were again. All those fucking emotions. Sadness. Desperation. Pain. Anxiety. Relief. Why the relief? Because there was no need to make a decision now. Or maybe because there was no suffering for him anymore. For him and all the people he hurted.

But now there was no second chance for him anymore unless you believe in reincarnation.

Luke wiped her tears out of her face as he squeezed her carefully.

"I will miss him like crazy even though i already lost him ..and i should hate him. God why aren't feelings just simple and controllable... but i guess there is nothing standing in the way of a new start now .." she sobbed. "Oh no now i've probably cursed it .."

" No Baby, there is nothing like that" he assured her.

She was sure he was right. He calmed her down until she wasn't crying anymore. Then they laid down on the couch and fell asleep right away. They were both really exhausted. Now everything was going to be ok. Things would be hard but they would be ok. So she thought. Until the boy named Winston woke them up in the middle of the night by banging on the living room window. What he had to say made Things complicated again. So much for a new start. Here we go again.

I know there are many people who do not understand how anyone could ever have a nice thought on Monty or Bryce and i respect that but please respect my decision too 💐

#netflix 13 reasons why #netflix 13rw #monty de la cruz #montgomery de la cruz #scott reed #13rw imagine #13rw oc #luke holliday #clay jensen #tyler down #13rw winston #winston #13rw luke holliday #charlie st george

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taeken-my-heart · 5 years

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Independent {f} Chapter 13

Summary: Your mom calls you stubborn, your friends call you wild, and the boys you’ve left in your wake call you a frigid bitch. You’ve built a life of independence and you like it that way. Kim Taehyung, however; seems to be able to change your mind.

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Genre: fluff, mild angst

Word Count: 19925

Notes/Warnings: This chapter has some angst, a few instances of self deprecation and the OC just being kind of mean to herself, but there is a light and growth at the end of that tunnel!

Oh my goooosh. Tumblr has made the process of getting the draft on here so dang challenging. Please forgive me if there’s any choppiness or the layout is weird, I’ll be tightening it up over the next few days.

**There is a read more linked but it doesn’t seem to be working and I don’t know what to do about it. I’m sorry! TT

****

December brought with it, dark skies, chapped lips, and an accelerated time line. The semester was quickly coming to a close and you wanted to run head long into the winter break and get this misery over with. It had been almost a full week since you’d seen Taehyung and each day had brought a new wave of misery.

For the first three days you’d woken to eyes crusted closed and a sore throat. Courtesy of all-night cry sessions. It didn’t help that Taehyung had decided to stop attending your Art History class and begin taking only office hours to help your classmates. There was a part of you that was happy you didn’t have to see him right now, since you were too busy licking your wounds; a bigger part of you that wished you could take back everything you said so you could see him again, and the biggest part of all that was more devastated with yourself.

Why couldn’t you just be normal? Everyone else could date someone without freaking out, but you, no you were a mess. All you ever did was alienate people. You were probably better off on your own. You couldn’t hurt anyone if they couldn’t get close to you. You had too much baggage, anyway, who would want to saddle themselves up with that?

The library was quiet; every seat taken by a student in the throes of final exams panic. There were only 17 days left until the end of the semester and then you could throw yourself headlong into a project that didn’t remind you of your current misery. You were thankful, at least, that you were nearly done. As soon as you finished this paper your project for Art History would be done and then you only had three written finals to take.

Anna sat across from you; hands fisted in her hair as she starred down at her book in despair. If you weren’t so out of it, you might have laughed. She looked the picture of stress; eyes bugged, brow pinched, a silent scream in the arch of her lips as she softly read back the words of the textbook that she couldn’t seem to commit to memory.

The library door opening caught your attention and you glanced over to find Jimin entering slowly, vision trained on the tangled earbuds in his hands. You don’t know why or what possessed you, but suddenly you were jumping to your feet, making your way through the tables and over to the door.

“Jimin.” You called softly. He glanced up at you, dark eyes lighting in recognition before he stopped, frowning. “Hi.” You said, stopping just in front of him and the corner of his lips lifted in a careful smile.

“Hi.” He said, glancing around the room. This was not the place to talk, too many people trying to work.

“Can we talk for a second?” You asked, motioning out the door to the empty hallway. He paused before nodding, pushing the door open behind him and allowing you to exit first.

As soon as the door closed you watched him, fiddling carefully with the strings of his earbuds, and twisted your fingers together apprehensively. “How have you been?” You asked carefully.

He shrugged, glancing up at you. “I’ve been ok. What about you?”

You glanced out the window into the dreary, cloud scattered sky. “Yeah, I, uh, I’ve been ok. Finals, you know?”

He nodded, studying you with pursed lips. “What’s up, Y/N? What do you really need?”

You frowned, staring down at your shoes, scuffed and still a little soggy from the snow. “I guess I was just wondering how Taehyung is.” You whispered.

Jimin sighed and your frowned deepened. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Y/N. He’s pretty crushed. He hasn’t really been himself recently.”

Your heart ached at the thought. Gorgeous, smiley, carefree Taehyung was hurting and it was all your fault. “I’m so sorry.” You whispered, tears beginning to burn your vision.

“I can appreciate the sentiment, Y/N, but I’m not the one you should be talking to. I can’t receive apologies in his honor.” He replied and you were at least grateful that his tone was gentle. He was trying hard to be kind but honest and that wasn’t easy to do.

“I wish I could talk to him.” You admitted, looking up at Jimin through wet eyelashes. He shook his head gently.

“I wouldn’t. It’s not the time right now. You really hurt him, Y/N. He’s an all or nothing kind of guy and when you rejected him, he took it really hard.”

“I didn’t mean to reject him.” You whispered, a tear escaping down your cheek and you brushed at it angrily. “I’m just scared.”

Jimin sighed, reaching out and patting your shoulder, “well, maybe talk to him when you’ve got things figured out. He’s not a test drive, though. You can’t just use him as practice and hope for the best, you know?”

You nodded, biting on your bottom lip to stifle a sob. “Will you please take care of him for me?” You whispered, looking up at him. “Help him be happy again.”

Jimin smiled, nodding. “Of course; he’s my best friend.” He glanced down at his watch, frowning, “I’m sorry, Y/N, but I’ve gotta meet with my study group, I’m already running a little late.”

“Of course.” You said, stepping off to the side. “Thank you, Jimin.”

After checking your reflection in the bathroom mirror, you returned to the table, waving away Anna’s questioning look and staring back at your laptop. You had one more page to write and then you could allow yourself to return to your bedroom and cry in peace. You wouldn’t do it here.

If your dad were here…well, he wouldn’t have any answers, he was bad at this sort of thing, but the thought of how he’d flounder trying to make you feel better made you smile. You missed him every day, but especially when you were sad because it reminded you that you were going through phases of life that he was missing.

If he were here, things would be different. Maybe you wouldn’t even be at this school. You’d chosen it mostly because it wasn’t too far from home if you needed to go back for any reason. You’d always been adventurous and independent, though, so you may have gone somewhere much further away…if life had turned out differently.

There was no use in dwelling on the what if’s, though. Life was what it was and you couldn’t change it; only your attitude towards it. Besides, right now you had finals to get through. Then…then you could focus on something new to distract you.

Paris couldn’t come fast enough.

****

The morning felt better already. The last 2 weeks had been horrible; for lack of a better word. When you weren’t pulling your hair out in the library you were stressing out about whether you’d see Taehyung in the hallways. You’d just finished your last final of the semester and felt…free. Now you only had to finish packing your suitcase and you could head home for a few days before flying out to Paris.

The house was empty when you got there, dropping your bag by the doorway and sighing. Someone had turned on the electric fire and you shuffled your way to sit in front of it, outstretching your hands to warm them.

You’d forgotten your gloves, which was dumb because it was the middle of December and stupidly cold. Glancing around the room, you sighed. You’d miss this house during the winter vacation. Even though you were coming back to the same house and same people for spring vacation, it was going to be different, you’d make new memories, meet new people, but there would be no Taehyung and you hated how dependent you felt on him now. This was why you didn’t fall for people; why you didn’t open your heart to someone. It hurt too much.

You looked out the window, heart stuttering when you noticed Taehyung walking sluggishly by. He was bundled warm and you could barely see his face under his hat and scarf, but you’d know him anywhere. He paused by the mailbox, sighing, a sad frown stretching across his full lips as he reached out his mittened fingers, patting the duck softly on the head.

It felt like your heart was bleeding in your chest. You wanted to run to him and throw your arms around him, tell him you were sorry and you didn’t know why you were this way…but even the thought of it made your stomach churn with discomfort. What could you even offer to him anyway? Love? Stability? No, it was better this way. No man wanted to be with a broken woman.

Taehyung walked slowly away from the mailbox, fingertips dropping from the beak of the duck and down by his side and you sat frozen where you were, watching him leave. It all felt so final. You couldn’t wait to get out of the country and just escape your own mind.

****

Later after dinner, when your bags were packed and you were sat in the front room, your roommates came to join you, a tray of hot chocolates in Anna’s hands. Setting it down on the table, she sat down beside you on the couch, grabbing a mug for each of you before settling further into the cushions.

“Can’t believe we’re all heading home tomorrow.” Sarah said, sighing into her mug. “This semester went by so fast.”

“Too fast!” Anna agreed. “I can’t believe you’re going to Paris in just a few days!”

You smiled softly, “It’s pretty crazy right?”

“I’m crazy jealous.” Charlotte admitted, “Paris has always been top of the travel bucket list for me.”

“Really?” Anna asked in surprise, “I never knew that about you.”

“Yeah, it’s home to the Eiffel tower, the Louvre, Notre Dame, the Arc de Triumphe. What’s not to love? Plus, it’s the fashion capitol of the world.”

“You have to buy so many clothes!” Sarah gushed, “I seriously can’t believe you get to go shopping in Paris!”

You smiled, chuckling, “I honestly probably won’t have a whole lot of time to go shopping between the internship and touristy stuff, but I’ll try to have one good shopping trip in your honor.”

“If you don’t come back in a beret and a peplum pea coat, I’ll be seriously appalled.”

“Pretty sure the French don’t actually go about their day in a beret.” Charlotte remarked dryly.

You giggled, smiling at your friends. “I’m gonna miss you guys.”

“You say that like you’re going to war. You’re going to Paris, honey, you won’t even notice we’re not there.” Anna grinned, flicking your forehead with her finger and you wrinkled your nose at her.

“I’ll definitely notice.”

“Well, anyway,” Sarah commented, pushing her hair over her shoulder, “You’re going to go, you’re going to have a fabulous time, and you’re going to come back a changed woman. I’m super jealous.”

****

After returning home and spending a few days with your family, they were bringing you to the airport for what was probably the biggest adventure of your life. You’d never been on such a big trip alone; in fact, you’d never even been on an airplane by yourself. The nerves were clawing at your chest at the thought, but there was a soft simmering of excitement bubbling just under that surface.

The airport was cramped and busy, people heading home for the holidays and you felt a little sad that you’d be missing the celebrations with your family, but the experience was going to be worth it; you were sure of it.

The evening was blanketed with a soft mist when you arrived. It was cold, but nothing a coat and scarf couldn’t combat. The woman in charge of your internship had met you at arrivals and you’d grabbed your bags, making your way out front.

“Our car is over here.” Marie smiled, holding her arm out and you followed after her, the driver taking your things and putting them in the trunk. After sliding into your seat and buckling in, you sighed, leaning your head back against the headrest. “The drive to your hotel is around an hour so that will give us time to talk and go over some details.”

“Great.” You smiled, sitting up straight and facing towards her. “What is your job with the Paris Fashion Week?”

“I’m the head of Une voix de femme, a fashion and photography company. There are a lot of interns that come all year round for various purposes in the different shows and fashion industry and we get a lot of applicants so we’re a bit picky.”

The idea that the boss herself had come to retrieve you was a little mind blowing and you felt extra nervous at the idea of it. Maybe she picked up every intern, but even so, you couldn’t help but feel special. “May I ask how exactly my work was brought to your attention?”

“Pure coincidence.” Marie said, flipping open a file. Inside were some of the stills you’d taken over the years, mostly from school activities that you’re sure your professor had sent to her and others from the Winter Recital. “We do a lot of searching on our own. Not everyone who is talented will apply, some need to be sought out. I saw the pictures you’d taken of your school recital and I knew right away you needed to be with us. You have too much talent that shouldn’t be wasted.”

“Thank you,” you smiled softly, face feeling warm. “I never would have applied; I would have never thought I’d be good enough for something like this.”

“Common symptom.” Marie nodded, thumbing through some of your pictures, “the worthy never actually know their true worth.” She looked over at you, winking before returning to the file in hand.

“So, what exactly will my responsibilities be while I’m here?”

“We’ll go over most of the details tomorrow when you come to the office. You’ll need to be flexible and move quickly because we’ll have you in a few different locations. I don’t have your exact schedule with me currently, but I know you will be photographing the Dior, Saint Laurent, Mugler, and Hermes lines. We’ll also have you working with some couture design shoots.”

“Wow, those are some big names.” You mused, stomach twisting at the idea.

“Don’t feel nervous, dear, we wouldn’t have flown you out if we didn’t like what you have to offer. You have an ability to capture small details; that is what we are looking for. The models move quickly and they stop for no one; you’ll need to catch the details of their clothing with precision. Because you’re an intern, we know you don’t have access to all the equipment that other photographers will have with them so of course you will have all of our equipment at your disposal.”

“Thank you, that’s very kind of you!” You said softly. Honestly, at this point you were feeling honored, of course, and also completely overwhelmed.

“Don’t worry about too many details tonight, though. Tomorrow I’ll have my assistant Danielle meet you in the lobby of your hotel and she’ll accompany you for the remainder of your internship with us. Any questions you have, Danielle will be able to answer them.”

“Thank you very much, I’m so appreciative of this opportunity. I intend to make sure you’re happy with your decision to recruit me.”

“I have no doubt you will.” She smiled over at you.

Once you’d reached your hotel, the jet lag was beginning to hit strong. You’d begun falling asleep the last 5 minutes of the ride and were so grateful to be up and standing. With the door closed behind you and your suitcase deposited at the end of your bed, you made your way to the large French doors, pushing open the curtains and stepping out onto the balcony.

“Wow.” You breathed, hands reaching out for the metal railing, cold from the bite of winter. You could not have asked for a better view than the one you were given. The Eiffel Tower, just off to the right of your window, lights bright in the dark of the evening. The streets below were still filled with people, a busy Christmas market just a moment’s walk from the entrance of your hotel. You felt completely spoiled.

Of course, you wished you could have shared the experience with someone, but instead you’d focus every moment of your time enjoying this great new experience.

****

The next morning you were awoken by your alarm at 7:00 am. Your eyes were bleary and stung as you opened them, body warm beneath the fluffy white down comforter. You were expected down and waiting for the car at 8 am sharp and you still had to shower, get ready, and eat.

You moved sluggishly from the warmth of the bed, grabbing your shower supplies and trudging into the bathroom. After showering and getting ready, you made your way downstairs to have some breakfast. Ecstatic to find an assortment of French breads, jams, and a buffet of food you already felt yourself drooling over, you grabbed a plate, making your way through the line and allowing the greed of your eyes and growling stomach to take charge.

After stuffing your face with more food than was probably considered proper, you made your way out to the front of the hotel, checking your bag again to make sure you had everything you needed.

“Y/N!” Someone called and you turned to look around you, a young woman with short, dark corkscrew curls and beautiful dark brown eyes smiled, waving over at you and you smiled back, making your way towards her. “Hi there, I’m Danielle.” She greeted, reaching her hand out towards you for a handshake.

“It’s so nice to meet you.” You returned, shaking her hand and following the motion of her hand into the back of the car. “I’m so surprised, I really thought I was going to end up being with someone who was much older than me. It’s nice to see someone similar in age.”

“It’s nice to have someone to relate to,” Danielle grinned, leaning back in her seat as the car started driving, “plus, after we get the details sorted this morning, we get to go out exploring. Work officially starts tomorrow.”

“Are you serious?” You grinned and she winked.

“Course, girl. I hope you brought your money with you because we’re going on a shopping spree.”

“I’m gonna go broke by the end of this internship, for sure.”

“No way, this internship pays and it pays well. Anything you want to buy while you’re here?” She chuckled and you chewed on your bottom lip in thought.

“Well, my friends definitely told me if I don’t come back with a beret and a peplum pea coat that they’d skin me alive, so…”

“Put it on the list!” She laughed loudly, “No skinning alive. So, tell me about yourself, Y/N.”

“Well, I guess it depends on what you want to know. I’m currently in school studying Visual Arts with a minor in photography and I live in a small, run down, but cozy home with 3 of my best friends. When I’m not at school I’m at home with my mom, brother, step dad and our dog Goose.”

“And now you’ll get to say you interned with Paris Fashion Week.” Danielle teased and you grinned.

“I know, I can hardly even believe I’m in France. What about you? Tell me about yourself, Danielle.”

“Well, I’m originally from Pennsylvania, but my dad is actually from France. When I was getting ready to go into high school my dad got a job back here in Paris so we all moved here and have been living here ever since. I have two sisters, one older, one younger, and I’ve been working with Marie for the last three years.”

“Wow, so did you start working with Marie right after graduation or something?” You asked, eyes wide.

Danielle chuckled. “Something like that, yeah. I actually did my internship with Marie as well and then just ended up getting hired on and have been with them ever since. It’s been a pretty crazy amazing ride.”

“I believe it!” You breathed, “That’s really wild. I’m not sure what to do when I graduate, but I still have a couple years to figure it out.”

“Do you have any ideas or anything you want to do?” Danielle asked, twisting a curl around her finger and letting it spring back into place.

“Not a lot,” you admitted bashfully, “I’ve kind of thought about maybe starting my own company or something, but to be honest I really just like being able to take pictures of whatever I want and not being commissioned to do something, you know?”

“Oh yeah, I totally get it.” Danielle nodded, “a true artist’s spirit. You want your cake and to eat it too.” She grinned over at you and you shrugged, smiling.

“Guilty.”

“Something I’ll recommend is to get your feet wet first. Sometimes you’ve gotta do other people’s dirty work first before you can really get into your own stuff. Build enough of a name that being able to photograph your own stuff will one day work in your favor.”

“Yeah, I get that.” You nodded, watching as the car came to a slow stop out front of a large glass building that looked rather out of place among the ancient and beautiful cream-colored limestone of the other buildings.

“We’re here!” Danielle chirped, sliding from the car as the door was opened for her and you followed closely after, pulling your bag high on your shoulder and glancing around. The streets were busy with business people and tourists alike and you followed after Danielle as she led you into the building.

“We’re up on the 32nd floor,” Danielle said as the two of you stepped into the glass elevator and you gripped the railing, staring out into the streets in awe.

“Wow, you guys really know how to live, huh?” You murmured, watching the city sink below you.

Danielle laughed, leaning against the railing with you. “Pretty nice, right?”

You nodded mutely. “I just feel so lucky.” You finally admitted, “there are so many people who would want this opportunity and I got it without even trying.”

“Don’t feel guilty about it.” Danielle scolded and you turned to smile at her. “you deserve this internship. Marie loves finding people who are unassuming about their talent because they’re always the best. Just because you didn’t apply doesn’t mean you don’t deserve it.”

“Thank you, Danielle,” you grinned, “you’re giving me a pretty decent boost in self-esteem.”

“It’s my job.” She winked, nudging you with her elbow. The chime of the elevator reaching your floor brought your attention back to the door and you stood, facing forward. “Besides, I wouldn’t say any of it if it weren’t true. You’ve definitely earned it.”

The office was busy with movement, desks occupying the first half of the room and filled with people having conversation. The back was divided by rooms separated with glass. Two rooms currently occupied with photoshoots, a couple offices, and a conference room. It was noisy, but in a good way.

“This is where we get the technical parts of our jobs done. Paperwork, photoshop, that sort of thing. Certain magazine shoots are done in the back, as you can see. This is the behind the scenes dirty work that has to be done. The real fun stuff will be when fashion week starts tomorrow. Ok, follow me, your desk is over here.”

You followed after her to the right-hand side and she patted a desk with only a laptop to boast about. “This is your desk, right next to mine. It’s pretty bare right now, but the good thing is you can decorate it in any way you see fit.”

“This is so cool.” You grinned, “I get my own desk!”

Danielle chuckled, sitting down at her desk. “Ah, I remember that feeling, like a real grown up, right?”

“Yeah,” you admitted, sitting in your seat. “Feels like I’m suddenly an adult with all sorts of responsibilities. It’s so cool.”

Danielle grinned, shaking her head. “Well, Marie’s gonna want to have a meeting with us in a few minutes but she told me she had a conference call first so let’s chill and talk before then.”

You nodded, leaning eagerly forward. “That sounds great.”

“So, you’re still in university, right?” At your nod, she continued, “any boys?” She teased with a wiggle of her brows.

You sigh, shrugging, “Mmm…no, not right now, I guess.”

“That sounded very mysterious.” She replied, eyebrow raised and you moved your elbow from the arm rest of your chair as someone bustled by shouting something in French.

“Just…” you huffed, blowing air up across your cheeks, “there was a guy a few weeks ago, but I blew it.”

“Oh?” You asked, waiting patiently for you to continue.

You shrugged again, “he wanted a bigger commitment than I was ready to give him so I kind of pushed him away and we both ended up getting hurt. It sucks pretty bad.” Danielle watched as you tried not to sulk too hard and sighed.

“It can be really hard when something doesn’t work out the way we’d hoped it would.” She said, staring over at the elevator as a group made their way out and over to the studio. “I was in a situation back in college that was…well, it was pretty challenging. Life changing; in a good and bad way. I had to make a decision that I’ve often wondered was right, but I think what I’ve decided since then is that if things are meant to be, then they will be. Of course, that’s not to discount effort,” she said, eyeing your reaction, “but if you’ve put in the effort, done all you can to make it work, and it doesn’t then it wasn’t meant to.”

“Before I left for the semester I ran into this guy’s roommate,” you said, “and he told me I should probably give him time to recover so I wanted to do that, but I worry that I’ve just completely ruined my chances with him. I haven’t done everything I could to try and make it better because I didn’t want to push him, but I think I want to try again when I get back in the spring semester.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” Danielle said, twisting back and forth in her chair, “give the both of you the time to cool off and think about what you really want.”

“You said you made a really hard decision in college,” you said, watching her expression carefully, “what made you feel like that decision was the right one?”

Danielle paused, fingers drumming against the armrests of her chair, lips pressed together in thought. “Because I knew was doing the right thing for someone else. In the end, the decision I made wasn’t about me, but about her. I had to do it for her.”

“Your friend?” You asked and Danielle smiled softly.

“No. My daughter.”

“Oh,” you said, sitting straighter in surprise, “I didn’t know you had a daughter.”

“I don’t. Not anymore, anyway. At the time that I had her, the father and I were no longer together. He was from Belgium and had moved home; he didn’t really have any interest in being a parent. I was only 20 and I knew I couldn’t give her the life that she deserved, so I gave her to a family that could provide the life I couldn’t.”

Never had you met someone who’d made a decision like that before. You couldn’t even imagine having a child only to give them away. It would take a lot of love and self-sacrifice to do that sort of thing; you weren’t even sure you were that strong of a person.

��Wow,” you said, blinking down at your hands, now clasped in your lap. “How long ago was that?”

“She’ll be turning 6 this summer.” Danielle smiled. “I receive pictures of her sometimes, here, this was from just a few days ago, actually. They’ve gone on holiday in the Maldives for Christmas.” She handed you a handful of pictures from her desk drawer and you looked down at the family, a little boy and girl with their parents.

“She has your eyes and hair.” You smiled and Danielle chuckled.

“And her dad’s ears. Poor thing.” You looked up at Danielle as she pushed her ears slightly out and giggled.

“She’s beautiful. What’s her name?”

“Her parents named her Emile.” Danielle smiled and you handed the picture back to her.

“Did you ever have a name for her?” You asked gently and she nodded, staring down at the pictures.

“In my heart, she has always been Felicity.”

“That’s a beautiful name.” You said, watching as Danielle slipped the pictures back into her desk.

“Thank you.” She said. The phone on Danielle’s desk rang and she picked it up quickly, talking softly to someone in French before hanging up. “Marie is ready for us. Let’s meet her in the conference room.”

You followed after her, weaving your way through rows of desks to the back and into the conference room where Marie sat with stacks of books and papers that you presumed were for you.

“Good morning, Y/N.” She greeted you, standing to extend a handshake which you returned.

“Good morning.” You smiled.

“Today I will show you around the office, give you the details of what this week will be like and what we expect of you. I’ll show you the equipment that you can use and take with you. Of course, Danielle will be with you the entire length of your internship so if you do have questions, you can ask her too.”

She pulled paperwork from the folders in front of her, explaining in detail what they were about and giving them to you to read and sign. After the preliminary work, she went over your schedule with you in more detail, giving you a step by step program of what you’d be doing each day.

After about an hour in the conference room going over paperwork and details, she took you into a storage room, showing you types of equipment you could use for the week. You felt like you’d died and gone to heaven. Anything you could have ever dreamed of needing or even wanting for your photography was placed carefully around the room and against walls, beckoning you to take a look.

“You will have access to any and all of our equipment; whatever you feel will make the shots better.” Marie said, watching you stare wide eyed around the room. “Feel free to look around.”

You moved towards the left side of the wall, examining one of the cameras they had there, picking it up and flipping through the settings. “I think I’ve died and gone to heaven.” You mumbled and Marie and Danielle laughed from behind you.

“We’re happy to appease you.” Marie smiled. “Danielle, once she’s chosen the equipment she’s going to be using for tomorrow, the two of you are free to explore Paris. I’ll leave the schedule and everything you need on your desk and forward you the rest on your phone.”

“Yes ma’am.” Danielle nodded as Marie left the room with a squeeze to her shoulder. “Don’t worry about not being able to use all the equipment at once,” she said, smiling over at you, “you can trade things out each day based on what you’re feeling.”

You smiled at her sheepishly, holding the camera in your hands close to your chest. “Ah, I must be so easy to read.”

Danielle grinned. “Feel free to grab what you need for tomorrow. We’ll pack it up and have it ready for you when you get here.”

After exploring the room and picking the equipment you’d need for the next day, Danielle had some of the other staff come and help to pack it safely for you. The two of you grabbed your bags and ventured back out onto the street where the car was waiting.

Sliding in and fastening your seatbelt, you and Danielle chatted and laughed as you made your way further into the heart of Paris. The sun was deceptively beautiful as you stepped from the car; high in the sky and tricking you into the belief that somehow it was suddenly warm.

Shivering, you fastened your arms around your waist as Danielle joined you at your side, motioning with her head to follow her. “This is my favorite place to shop. It’s called Avenue des Champs Elysees and it’s probably the most famous shopping district in Paris. It’s got a great mix of things to do here, including luxury brands and affordable.”

“I like the sound of affordable.” You grinned.

After spending a good portion of the morning and afternoon shopping (and finding the cutest ebony peplum coat and even a gorgeous red beret) the two of you made your way to lunch in a nearby café. The exterior was a beautiful crimson with two six pane windows on either side of the door and garland wrapping across the edged of the roof and down the columns in front. The inside was cozy and warm with soft colors and a beautifully decorated fir tree in the corner.

“It’s so beautiful in here!” You smile, gaze shifting around the room and Danielle grinned.

“It’s my favorite café,” she admitted, “I always get the same so I’ll wait until you’re ready to order and then we can go grab a seat.”

After placing your order and finding a nice cozy table in the back, you dropped your bags below the table and slipped out of your coat, fingers wrung together to try and encourage warmth. “We start work officially tomorrow, right?” You asked and Danielle nodded, flipping through her wallet before placing it on the table in front of her.

“Yes, tomorrow is the first official day.”

“And you’ll be with me the whole time, right?” You asked, nerves heightened now that you had a moment to think about it.

“Yeah” she smiled, placing her hand over yours and squeezing, “don’t worry. I’ll be with you the whole time. I’ll guide you and make sure you know where you’re going and what you’re doing. We’ll even go to the venues early so that we can get settled into our spots and so that you can have a look around and get a feel for the location.”

“That would be great.” You breathed, the tightness in your chest lessening. “Sorry, just a little nervous.”

“Totally normal,” Danielle nodded, leaning towards you across the table, “I’d think you were a little weird if you weren’t nervous. This is a big thing, I get it. New place, new people, new experience. It’s understandable why you’d be nervous. Don’t worry, I’ve got your back.”

“Thank you, Danielle.” You grinned. “So, what should I expect for tomorrow?”

“Well, tomorrow is going to honestly be a little overwhelming and kind of busy. You and I will both be in the pit together taking pictures, but Marie has got two spaces sectioned off for us so we don’t have to worry about that too much.”

“The pit?” You asked. “Like an orchestra?”

Danielle smiled, leaning back as the server brought your drinks to you and you wrapped your chilled fingers around the warm ceramic of your hot chocolate mug. “Not quite. It’s an area at the very end of the stage reserved for the photographers. We’re probably going to be standing on boxes and it’s a little cramped with everyone shoved together, but it’s part of the thrill.”

“And we’ve got reserved spots?” You asked, sipping at your drink.

“Yeah, but it’s a bit cut throat in the pit at times so we’ll be having some markers going over a number of hours before us to make sure that no one tries taking our spots.”

“What’s a marker?” You asked, eyebrow rising.

“A marker is just someone that goes and marks your spot. We’ve already got ours marked, but like I said, it can be a bit intense so we’ll have people reserving our spots by sitting in them until we get there.”

“Wow,” you sighed, “there’s a big learning curve.” You had no idea the fashion industry was so do or die, but you were actually kind of looking forward to sinking your teeth into it.

“There is,” Danielle nodded, “but don’t worry, I’ll make sure to guide you through it and answer all your questions. Also, I think that’s our food.”

You turn around to watch the waitress carry your food over, setting it in front of you before thanking her and digging in.

The rest of the afternoon was spent meandering through the shops in different alleyways, picking up small knickknacks or clothes that you liked before heading back to the hotel to drop your stuff off. You’d asked Danielle about the market outside your hotel and she’d enthusiastically agreed to take you.

“This Christmas market comes every year and lasts a week into January. They’ve got cute things for your home, souvenirs, and a lot of really yummy food. Have you ever tried chestnuts?” She asked, turning to look at you as you refastened the buttons on your coat and twisted a scarf around your neck.

“Chestnuts? As in the things squirrels eat?” You asked, following her back out into the square in front of your hotel and turning off to the side where you could see the Christmas market waiting.

Danielle laughed. “Yes, squirrels eat them, but so do humans. Do you smell that sweet, rich smell?” She asked as you walked slowly towards your destination. The wind picked up slightly and you shivered from the cold, but you could smell it. You nodded and she continued.

“That’s a chestnut. We roast them in the winter and then eat them. They can be a little interesting to open, but they’re a fun experience to have and I personally love them. They taste a bit like a sweet potato.”

“A nut tastes like a sweet potato?” You asked, staring around in amazement as you stepped into the market and the vibrancy of the colors instantly grabbed your attention. It was surprisingly warmer and you supposed that was due to the steam coming from the different food stalls nearby.

Everything you could have ever dreamed of was in this market. Small wooden stalls reminiscent of the swiss style chalet’s held chestnuts, crepes, mulled wine, gloves and scarves, games, Christmas decorations and so much more. The market wound further down the street and around corners that you could not see. Your greedy eyes devoured as much as they could as Danielle talked more about chestnuts and the different things that she wanted you to try. There were children nearby with a man selling balloons outside of a cotton candy stall and your mouth watered at the smell. Directly next to you was a stall with waffles and around 30 different toppings. Different artisan booths selling things you knew you didn’t need but definitely wanted.

In the center of it all, and right beside a glowing carousal, there was a small band of performers, violins and guitars playing Jingle Bells with children weaving in between their parents in the square, playing a game of tag and screaming in delight.

“This is so amazing!” You grinned, turning to find Danielle watching you and she smiled, bumping your shoulder with hers.

“Let’s get some food.” After grabbing a small paper bag of chestnuts, two different kinds of crepes and a couple mulled wines between the two of you, you found a table to sit at and put your stuff down.

“First, I want you to try the chestnuts.” Danielle grinned, shaking the bag in front of you in excitement. “Don’t worry if you don’t like it, I’ll be happy to eat them all, trust me, but you should at least try it. It’s part of the Christmas market experience!”

“Ok, ok.” You chuckled, pulling a chestnut from the bag. It was still hot and you hissed, bouncing it between your fingers as you began to peel away the layers. “How long until I get to the actual nut?” You exasperated, once you’d made it down to a fuzzy skin under the shell.

Danielle laughed, sipping at her wine, “there’s only two layers. Under that fuzzy stuff is the actual nut.”

Discarding the two outer shells, you finally held the nut between two fingers. “Wow, the texture is so different than what I thought it would be.” You marveled. It was firm, but had a spongey consistency, almost like an uncooked mushroom.

“Try it.” Danielle encouraged, popping her own chestnut into her mouth and chewing.

She was right, it did sort of taste like a sweet potato, sweet and a little earthy. The taste was a little bland, but it was warm and with a little salt would have made a good snack. “It’s OK,” you smiled, “not really my thing but I can see why people like them.”

Danielle nodded, pulling another from the bag and beginning to peel. “Yeah, it’s not everyone’s thing. Here, we’ve got these too.” She said, pushing your crepe towards you and you smiled, grabbing the fork from the plate and cutting off a piece.

“Now this is what I was really looking forward to.”

With bites of warm food and sips of mulled wine to heat your insides, you spent the rest of the night talking and laughing until you returned to your bed, warm from alcohol and conversation, ready to take on the exciting new day in less than 9 hours.

****

You’d never felt more like a chicken without its head than you did right now. The office had been hectic, people running around, grabbing the things they needed and looking like they were in some sort of well controlled panic as they fled the building to their different shoots.

On the car ride to the venue, Danielle told you that the two of you would be covering two shoots today, both Hermes and Dior. Just hearing the names made you a little dizzy so you mostly listened instead of talking. You were glad that Danielle was going to be there with you, taking pictures herself. There was a little less pressure to not mess things up since they would still have her professional pictures to fall back on if they needed them.

The Hermes shoot was teeming with life. The walls and ceilings were made to look like you were in an outdoor tent and you tried to look around and admire as much as you could while still keeping your place behind Danielle and winding towards where the other photographers were setting up. None of the seats were occupied yet, since you’d arrived an hour before the show was due to start. Danielle said this was typical because you needed to be in your places with things set up and ready to go before the crowds started filing in. There would be no time once people started showing up.

Thankfully you’d had time this morning in the office to fiddle around with the camera you were using today, checking settings and getting comfortable with its abilities. That was something that had made you nervous in the beginning; that you wouldn’t have enough time to adjust to the equipment. Each camera was different and you were afraid you’d get stuck trying to make something work when you were supposed to be taking pictures.

Danielle had helped you find a camera with an f/2.8 aperture and pretty decent zoom range. “The models will be moving fast; you’ll need to adjust quickly. Make sure you’re getting well acquainted with that camera because once the show starts, you won’t be able to fiddle around with it without missing important moments.”

The two of you came to a stop beside the photographers, Danielle greeting a man and a woman sitting on two stools in the center towards the front and after a short conversation, they left and Danielle directed you to take a seat on one of the stools. “So, this is the pit.” Danielle grinned, adjusting her camera bag on her lap and digging through for what she needed.

You sat down beside her, looking around and nodding in greeting to a few of the photographers whose eyes you caught. “Wow, and we’re all just gonna be shoved in like sardines, huh?” You asked, turning your gaze back to Danielle who smiled.

“Welcome to fashion show life.” She leaned forward to whisper, “all of these people can either help you, or hinder you. Always make sure you are kind and friendly, establish relationships…but always be weary. Everyone is looking for their next big break, even if it comes at a cost, you know?”

You nod, leaning back on your stool and digging through your bag to grab your camera. You were pretty comfortable with it because the settings were similar to your camera back home, just way better quality. Now you just needed to make sure it was on the right settings to capture the images you wanted. You quickly switched your camera to manual, 1/250 at f/4 and took some practice shots of the people still putting the final touches on the stage. The pictures were so crisp and clear you had to stop yourself from doing a little happy wiggle in your seat. It was going to be hard to go back to your own camera after using such an amazing piece of equipment.

You chatted briefly with some of the photographers around you, mostly men, a couple from New York, 3 from London, but almost everyone else around you seemed to be from France. It was intimidating to look around and see only 1 other woman aside from Danielle and yourself, but that wasn’t going to stop you from kicking their photography butts. You weren’t competitive most of the time, but if you felt like somehow you were going to have to fight for something, you definitely would.

Slowly the room began to fill and you could barely contain your amazement. Some of the biggest names in Hollywood were sitting mere steps away from you, but there was no way you were going to show the other photographers how much of an amateur you were, so when Charlize Theron sat only 10 feet from you, you focused your eyes on the walkway in front of you and swallowed down your squeal of delight.

When the show started you felt like your stomach had jumped into your throat. You followed Danielle’s cue, pulling your camera up to rest against your eye and taking a deep breath in. This was it. This was the moment you’d been waiting for. The music started and models began walking down the runway, cameras flashing all around you and you let determination settle into your chest before quickly focusing in and snapping pictures.

Adrenaline kicked in, pouring through your veins as you watched the models move from the lens of your camera, taking as many pictures as you possibly could while they were in front of you. All noise funneled into a pinprick of sound until it was gone and you were alone with just your camera and the show in front of you. You never thought you’d actually enjoy the thrill of a high scale fashion show, but here you were, pulse erratic and stomach bubbling with excitement.

When the show was finally over and the other photographers were packing away their equipment, rushing on to the next show, you felt like you could finally breath again. “How was it?” Danielle asked, carefully placing her camera in its bag and gazing at you from the corner of her eye.

“Wow.” You said, and she laughed. “That’s the best word to describe it. There was a lot going on and it was a real challenge to stay focused at first. Especially when there were so many celebrities around. Did you see Charlize Theron sat right there?!”

Danielle giggled, nodding, “I did see. These shows get quite crazy. You’re really in for a treat when we go to the Dior show, they always, always put on a massive production. They’re doing their show at the Louvre this season and it’s inside this dome of flowers. It’s incredible.”

You frowned, eyebrows pinching in the center. “Inside a dome of flowers? Did they construct that inside the building?”

“You’ll see.” She grinned. “For now, though, we’ve got an hour and a half before we need to be there so let’s grab some lunch quickly. There’s some food trucks nearby.” You followed after her, bag slung across your shoulder with all your equipment safely inside and made your way outside into the crisp afternoon air.

“I didn’t realize how stuffy it was in there until we got outside.” You said, taking a deep breath in.

“Yeah, the pit always gets a bit stagnant, so many bodies, so little air. Ah, there they are.” She said, pointing off to the left and you followed after her, sitting down at an open table outside of one of the trucks.

After Danielle ordered, you switched places, leaving her to watch over the equipment and ordering your own food and drink. A full stomach later and a quick drive to the next venue, you found your spots, relieving the markers of their duty and setting up camp on your stools.

Danielle had been right. A giant dome of flowers had been built, within the Cour Carrée, the courtyard at the east end of the Louvre. Purple delphinium stems sprouting from every corner of the rolling garden turf. You felt like you’d entered some fantasy land as you stepped through the guarded doors and made your way towards the pit with Danielle.

“This is so cool!” You whispered and Danielle smirked.

“I told you, Dior always means business.”

This show was unlike anything you’d ever seen, making the hairs at the back of your neck stand to attention. This venues photographers were far more cut throat than the last and you definitely had to physically avoid some sabotage shots, but you were proud to say you held your own and at the end of it you even managed to get a picture with Rihanna and Elizabeth Olsen. That one was just for you, though.

“Ok,” Danielle said, after she’d finishing packing her bag and you’d put your own equipment away. “Let’s head back to the office and get some editing done. We’ll be working one on one with Marie to go over your work and see what kind of guidance we can give you for the next few shows.”

“Sounds great.” You smiled, slinging your bag over your shoulder and following her out to the car.

It was still afternoon, though slightly late afternoon by the time you made it back to the office. Setting your equipment gently down on your table, you unloaded your camera and sat down at your company provided laptop to turn it on and get the pictures uploaded.

It was going to take some time to get everything on the computer and then even more time to get things edited to the proper standard. You also had a meeting at some point with both Marie and Danielle to go over the pictures and find a better direction for the next few photoshoots. From what you understood, tomorrow you’d be doing the Marc Jacobs and Hussein Chalayan shows. You were going to have so much editing to do. You already had a headache.

“We’re going to meet with Marie in about an hour so go ahead and get some editing done. That way you can show her your raw images as well as the edits and she can give you some critiques.”

You nodded, pursing your lips and turning back to the computer as the main screen pulled up. “Sounds like a plan.”

Loading the pictures took longer than you’d initially wanted, but you had taken a lot of pictures so you couldn’t really be upset. The computer was doing things as quickly as possible. As soon as you were able, you began clicking through pictures, finding the ones you liked the most and beginning the editing process. You’d only been able to edit 2 pictures by the time Danielle was motioning you towards the conference room so you quickly saved your work, before closing your laptop and bringing it with you.

The conference room was significantly cooler than the rest of the office and you sighed in relief. You were beginning to get a little too warm at your desk and editing when hot was never a good combination. You sat down, waiting for Marie to join you, watching her through the all glass windows as she finished a phone call, grabbing her things and pushing out of her office, making a quick left to the conference room.

“How was it?” She smiled, her long dark cardigan billowing behind her. She pushed a wave of grey hair from her forehead and back towards her bun and you smiled excitedly.

“It exceeded expectations!” You gushed, watching as she sat down across from you, “really, it was so exciting seeing all those incredible models through the lens of my camera. Totally different from what I’m used to shooting.”

“I’m looking forward to seeing some of your pictures, then.” She smiled, hands held out in request of your laptop and you quickly opened it, logging back in.

“I’ve only been able to edit 2 pictures so far, loading them was more time consuming than I thought it would be.”

“That is ok, you have plenty of time today to edit. This is why we did not want to overwhelm you with photoshoots. You will need time to edit them before the conclusion of your internship.” She replied, scanning through your pictures carefully. You watched with apprehension as Marie scanned your pictures with what you hoped was interest, it looked like interest, at least.

Finally, she nods, turning to smile at you. “These are excellent. I’m very impressed with your style. Don’t be afraid to try a few more angles. It’s a little difficult to do in such a small space, but I think you can do it. I’d also like to see a few more pictures of the venue and the guests attending. Your attention to detail on the clothes is really astounding. Sometimes even professional pictures can be blurry with the models walking so quickly, but your pictures are so clear.”

After going back and forth about more you could do to increase the effectiveness of your work, your computer was returned to you and you excitedly continued your editing. The three of you remained in the office until dinner time when you finally wished each other farewell and the car dropped you back off at your hotel. Danielle had to have dinner with her family, so for tonight, you would relax, take a bubble bath, order room service and attempt to find a movie you could understand.

****

The Marc Jacobs show was filled with a lot of neutrals, which wasn’t a bad thing, but it made for less interesting pictures. There was a quartet of string instruments playing in the corner; a song that was a little too sharp, but perfectly representative of the mood of the clothing.

You made sure to get as many different angles as you could, keeping in mind Marie’s and Danielle’s different advice for your pictures. After the show, Danielle pointed out the French celebrities you should definitely get pictures of, and you made sure to get a good selection of pictures of anything else you felt might be relevant.

The next show was Hussein Chalayan, which you were particularly interested in because you’d never actually heard of him. From what Danielle had told you, he did some pretty quirky things with his outfits so you were looking forward to seeing what he had in store.

The atmosphere of the show was deep and moody. The clothes varied between muted tones and reds with a rather boxy style, but they made for excellent pictures. The audience was extremely receptive and it made the environment even more exciting. You could hear the shutter of Danielle’s camera in time with the click of your fingers on your own. You hadn’t gotten the chance to see any of her pictures, but now you were curious.

After the show ended and you were packed and ready to go, the two of you went to a nearby restaurant to sit and go over your pictures. “I am so curious about your style,” You said, just after your drinks were delivered.

“My style?” Danielle asked, eyes wide as she looked at you.

“Yes,” you chuckled, “your photography style. You were hired on after your internship, I could probably learn a thing or two from you.”

She smiled bashfully, spooning some sugar into her coffee and shaking her head, curls brushing against her cheeks. “I don’t know, you’re already pretty good. Marie has been really impressed with you.”

“Come on, come on, don’t feel shy. Let me see one picture, just one!” You bargained and Danielle laughed, opening her camera bag and pulling her camera out.

“OK, but only one.”

You nodded, reaching for the camera and pulling it towards you, staring down at the picture sitting on the screen. It was a picture of the last model, perched at the end of the runway, staring down into the lens of the camera as though Danielle were the exact person she was looking at. The angle was beautiful, the sheer of her dress captured beautifully in the lighting. Everything in the background faded making for a beautiful forefront.

“This is beautiful, Danielle. Wow, now I feel like the amateur I am!” You pouted and Danielle laughed, swatting your arm.

“Oh stop.” She said, taking the camera from you, powering it off and placing it back in its casing. “Your pictures are beautiful, Y/N. You capture details I couldn’t even dream of.”

“Well that’s just a bald-faced lie.” You grinned, rolling your eyes good naturedly at her. “So, you said this was our last fashion shoot, right?”

“No, we have two more fashion shows tomorrow and then the rest of the week will be editing. Then next week you’ll have two couture design shoots to do in office.”

“Oh, who are we going to photograph tomorrow? I don’t remember.”

Danielle glanced down at her phone where Marie had sent the schedule, “Tomorrow we’ve got Thierry Mugler and Saint Laurent.”

“Oh that’s right. I’ve heard of Thierry Mugler. I thought he just did perfume, though?”

“Nope,” Danielle chirped, putting her phone back in the pocket of her dress pants. “He’s mainly a fashion designer. I generally enjoy his shows. They are clear cut and to the point.”

“That sounds like my type of show!” You giggled.

After lunch, the two of you made your way back to the office, burying yourselves in editing until you could barely see straight. But so far, you’d accomplished a lot and were already ¾ of the way through editing the first two shows. Tomorrow you’d finish those two and then move onto the two new ones. It was exciting and overwhelming and you were really starting to feel a sense of power in your work.

Everyone around you was a powerhouse; Marie and Danielle the most inspiring of them all. You’d met some of your other coworkers and while most spoke only French, the few you were able to talk to had taught you a lot.

Aluin, who sat beside you on your right had given you some invaluable pointers on how to take better photographs and he showed you some of his own work from back when he was in college. The work ethic and self confidence that he’d built over the years was inspiring. He was so self-assured about anything he tried.

Even if he didn’t meet his goal or it ended in a way that was less than what he’d wanted, he just used that as an opportunity for growth and to push for better and you admired that attitude so much. You’d spent so much time feeling sorry for yourself; you didn’t want to do that anymore. You were going to be better than ever before.

****

There was something about the wave of adrenaline that you would get just as the show was starting that was addicting, and your final fashion show was the cherry on top of your fantastic cake. Saint Laurent was not only right at the top of all the fashions you’d liked from the experience, but the show itself was so thrilling.

A dimly lit room with floor to ceiling mirrors and lights flashing in and out like rolling ocean waves along the ceiling of the venue. If you hadn’t been taking pictures, you would have been dancing with the blood boiling in your veins. You weren’t sure you would ever choose fashion photography as your future career, but you could certainly see why someone would.

The pictures turned out amazing, the venue was the perfect environment for a dark and sexy vibe and you were so excited, scanning through your pictures of both the Thierry Mugler and Saint Laurent shows that your hips couldn’t help wiggling away in the back seat.

Danielle chuckled at your enthusiasm and you smiled at her, tilting your camera in her direction. “Look at these pictures!” You enthused, “I’m not one for tooting my own horn or anything, but these are freaking amazing.”

Danielle leaned closer, scanning the pictures as you flipped through them, nodding in appreciation. “It’s amazing, you’ve only been here, what, four days? You’ve already improved so much; I can seriously tell.”

“Thank you so much!” You grinned, embarrassed but pleased by her compliments. “I’m honestly feeling pretty good about myself.”

“As you should. You’ve got a lot going for you.”

The office was only half full when you got to back; most of the photographers and markers out on location. A few photographers were still in the building either editing or doing a couture shoot in the back and there were a few other staff members whose jobs you actually weren’t really sure of.

You spent the next few hours really focusing on work, getting as much edited as possible. Your first two shoots were now safely edited and sent off for review and you were already around 1/3 or the way through the second two. The office slowly filled the more people came back from their respective photoshoots and conversation picked up, loud with excitement from the week. It was close to dinner time when you finally shut your laptop off for the day, stretching your arms over your head with a groan.

“Hungry?” Danielle asked, standing behind her chair and pushing her arms through the sleeves of her coat.

“Definitely.” You smiled, standing up. You pulled on your slouchy knit hat, and wrapped your scarf around your neck before grabbing your own coat. Just as you were slipping your arms through the sleeves, Marie came and stopped by your desk, bundled chic and warm.

“Will the two of you accompany me to dinner? My treat.” She asked, purse hanging high on her perfectly rounded shoulders.

“Well, with an offer like that, how can we refuse?” Danielle said and you grinned.

The restaurant of Marie’s choosing was far fancier than your blood could afford and you immediately felt like you should be refusing such generosity, but at her insistence, the three of you sat down at a table close to the center and began to look through the menu.

After ordering and seeing the waiter off, you turned back to Marie whose glossy red lips were pulled into a smile. “How has it been, Y/N, going to photograph all those shows?”

“Absolutely incredible!” You beamed. “I could never have imagined such an amazing opportunity for myself, I’m honestly so grateful. I have already learned so much.”

“Which show was your favorite?” She asked, taking a sip of the red wine the waiter had poured for her shortly after you’d sat down.

“Honestly, it was Saint Laurent from today. His pieces were elegant and not too flashy and the show itself just felt really exciting.” You admitted

“I remember when I first started going to fashion shows,” Marie commented, twirling her glass in her hand, “I was really young, just recently graduated from university. I met a man there in the audience; a very promising fashion designer. His name was Pierre Dubois and he was really something special. I greatly admired his work and he is actually what gave me the idea for this company. I wanted so badly to photograph his art and publish it, but I did not have the skill of photography so instead I just spent my time with him; admiring him.”

She smiled at the memory; eyes wistful as she looked down into the swirling red of her glass. “We married in the spring when I was 25. Young and in love and a little bit foolish. Pierre was trying to start his own fashion company because his designs were beginning to find recognition and I was just happy to enjoy the journey with him. I still wanted to start this company, though, so Pierre encouraged me and with the money we’d made from the selling of his clothing, I started this company. It was very challenging for a while, it was a different time and so many people believed I could not be successful because I was a woman, but I was determined and what I say goes. Soon enough, he was becoming a bigger name and eventually my company started to grow. The rest is as you say, history.”

You smiled at the idea, that two people could start something so special together and see it become so successful. It made you crave something like that, in the future at least. Whether it was with a romantic partner or a friend, you hoped someday you could make something special like that. “Is your husband in any of the fashion shows?” You asked, taking a sip of your own wine.

Marie smiled softly, shaking her head. “No, he actually died shortly after his 40th birthday. It is unfortunate that the world could not have seen more of his designs. He really was a visionary.”

“Oh,” you said, heart sinking. “I’m so sorry to hear that. My dad died when I was 11, so I understand. He was a talented author and I’ve often wondered what else he could have come up with, if he hadn’t left so early.”

“Some of the best people this world has known, have been taken far too early.” Marie nodded, placing her glass down on the table and smiling over at you, “that is why we must be strong and continue the work for them. I may not be able to design fashion like my Pierre, but I can show the world what he loved and keep that dream alive. I love doing that for him.”

The food arrived just then so conversation switched quickly, but Marie’s words stuck in your head for the rest of the night. You wanted to be strong like Marie, to keep your dad’s visions alive. You couldn’t write wild and vivid stories like he could, but you could find joy in the little things and you were determined to share those things with the world.

****

It was already Friday and the work was long and tedious while you were editing. You didn’t have any more fashion shoots until next week on Tuesday and Wednesday so you had today and Monday to get the rest of the editing done for Fashion week. The editing was the worst part of photography, but the end product was always worth it.

Danielle had, had to leave for a doctor’s appointment about two hours ago and you were craving her company already. You dreaded thinking about when you’d go back home and she wouldn’t be there anymore. You’d been staring at your screen for 20 minutes now, wondering what was missing from this picture’s edit that you weren’t seeing.

Rubbing at your eyes, you leaned back in your chair, yawning with a stretch of your arms over your head. You still had a few hours left of work and you needed a short break. A sudden thought popped into your head, and before you could think better of it, you were clicking onto your Instagram and flipping through your friend’s pages. You knew you shouldn’t, but your fingers had a mind of their own and you were already typing in Taehyung’s name before you could even register what you were doing.

His page popped up with a flood of mostly familiar pictures, but there were two from the winter break you hadn’t seen yet. The first was a picture of him at the entertainment company he’d been signed to back at the beginning of November. He was standing with someone from the company and looked really excited and that made you happy.

You wished you could have made him happy, but you just hadn’t been ready. Flipping to the next picture, he and Jin were on the beach, the sun setting behind them and bright smiles on their faces. You were really happy for them; living out their dreams. Not very many people seemed to be able to do that, but you were happy they could; they deserved it.

“Is that the guy?”

You jumped, glancing to your left as Danielle set down her bag and sat in her seat, a knowing grin on her face.

You chuckled, nodding. “Yeah, that’s Taehyung.”

“Did you come up with a game plan?” She asked, shrugging off her coat and slipping her scarf from her neck.

You shook your head, pursing your lips. “Not yet. Honestly, I’ve been so busy I haven’t really given myself time to sit down and think about it.”

“I don’t think that’s a bad thing.” Danielle remarked, bringing her laptop back to life, “You’re giving yourself time to really clear the air and then it will be easier to find a solution to tackle the problem. Sometimes if we think too much about something, we end up going in circles and never find a real solution.”

You nodded; lips puckered. “That’s true.” You admitted. “Man, I’m gonna miss your insights!”

Danielle laughed, squeezing your arm from beside you. “You still have another week of this internship, don’t miss me yet!”

“That’s true, maybe I’ll be sick of you by the end of it.” You teased. “So, how’d the doctors go?”

“Good.” She smiled, pulling up her editing software and pictures, “it was just a routine checkup. I had surgery a few months back so I’ve been going in to make sure everything is healing properly.”

“Oh wow, and everything’s good so far?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, leaning back in her chair and looking over at you. “It was a slipped disk that’s been bothering me for a while. It’s been years now, but when I was pregnant there were some complications and I got a herniated disk because of it. I didn’t think much of it because it didn’t really hurt at first, but over the last year or so it was pretty painful so I went and got surgery to take care of it.”

“Wow, so you’ve just been working this whole time with a slipped disk?” You gaped, leaning forward in your seat and she chuckled, waving you off.

“Adulthood. I have bills to pay and can’t really afford to take the time off. Besides, it doesn’t hurt anymore.”

“You are way tougher than me.” You nodded, going back to your laptop and surveying the picture you’d been stuck on before.

“Naw, no way,” Danielle said, “you’re only as strong as you say you are.”

You smiled over at her before twisting your laptop towards her, “I’m in need of your help, oh wise one. What’s missing from this picture?”

Danielle grinned, leaning towards the picture, eyebrow scrunched in thought. “Turn the resolution up just a little and it will be perfect.”

****

Saturday morning was a welcomed break from the hectic schedule of photoshoots and editing. Danielle had told you to sleep in and be ready by 11. She was going to take you sight-seeing and you were crossing your fingers for the Eiffel Tower and a museum or two.

“Of course,” Danielle said, once you’d told her what you were hoping for, “no trip is complete without at least going to the top of the Eiffel Tower and seeing the Louvre in all of its grandeur.”

“I am so glad we agree! What about Notre Dame? I would love to see that.”

“Add it to the list!” Danielle grinned and you cheered.

After having a light lunch at a café not far from your hotel, the two of you made your way to the Eiffel Tower, paying and taking the elevators all the way to the top. The air was quite cold, but the sweeping view was worth it.

All of Paris was set out around you. It had snowed the night before, only enough to dust the ground and trees, but somehow it made the sight more beautiful. Buildings made of Limestone could be seen for miles, all topped by pristine white. The river Seine was just to your left, beautiful and shivering in the breeze.

You were pretty sure you took an obscene number of pictures, but you didn’t care. You weren’t sure if you’d ever come back here again so you didn’t want to forget a thing. Notre Dame was equally impressive, walls covered in stone and beautiful portraits. The statue Pieta was absolutely breathtaking, you couldn’t help but marvel at how someone could make something from a single slab of marble.

You’d studied all about Michelangelo and his work in your Art History class so seeing some of the pieces in person was a little mind blowing. “I can’t believe I’m here.” You whispered, glancing around the room.

“I never get tired of seeing this.” Danielle admitted. “The grandiose makes you feel so small, but in a good way.”

The golden glow of the lights against the walls made you feel warm and cozy. The vaulted domes of the ceilings inspired awe that you just couldn’t get over. There was nothing like this back home, no intensely rich culture and history that you could just feel in your bones. You would miss that a lot when you returned home. Customs were different here; in that they were intense and made you feel like a tightly knit group.

There was a sense of belonging that you enjoyed witnessing and made this internship all the more worthwhile. After spending another hour touring every nook and cranny that you were allowed to see, Danielle took you back to the Louvre, which you were particularly excited about. You’d seen just glimpses of it from the Dior fashion show, but now you would get to go inside and explore.

“The history of the louvre itself is amazing,” you remarked as both you and Danielle began to walk the halls, stopping here and there to gaze at paintings or statues. “It was once a castle under the rule of Philip II before becoming a palace for the successive kings as their main dwelling. Eventually one of the kings switched the main residence to the Palace of Versailles and this building became an unintentional museum, housing the royal collection. Did you know at one point the Louvre was even renamed Musée Napoléon when Napoléon was in power?”

“I did,” Danielle smiled, “but I’ve always been a bit of a history buff.”

“Ah, well then you must have already known all of that!” You lamented and Danielle chuckled.

“No, not all of it, but even if I had, your passion is quite charming. I enjoy talking to you; it’s always an intelligent conversation.”

“Well I’m glad I could be of some use.” You teased.

****

The weekend passed quickly and Monday was too bright and too early, but you were happy to be back at work; it was a welcome distraction from the ticking of the time on your internship. Only a few more days and you would close the door on a once in a lifetime opportunity. You were trying not to mourn the experience while you still had time left. There would be opportunities for that later.

You had your second to last photoshoot tomorrow and today you were going to be drowning in editing. You spent the morning editing by yourself, Danielle having back to back meetings with Marie and a few of the other members of staff, but at least it allowed you to fully concentrate on your work.

After lunch you worked one on one with Marie, going over the details of Tuesdays and Wednesdays shoots before sending her the pictures you’d edited thus far. You were mostly done at this point, just a handful more and you were excited to see that finished. You were always a little tired of seeing your own pictures after a dozen or so hours of staring at them.

Monday finished with nothing more than a comfortable evening and a fizzle of energy, sinking into the plush of the hotel mattress. You would be sad to say goodbye to this bed; it had given you some of the best sleep of your life so far. Tuesday was a different sort of chaos. The energy was new, less intense than fashion week, but still there in its own variety. There were too many people in the studio, full of nervous energy and differing opinions of how they wanted the models to look.

At Marie’s sharp insistence that they let the photographer do her job, you were diving into the deep end; point and shoot. This was a little more comfortable for you, a little more of what you were used to. The ability to capture what you wanted; what you found beautiful. You were less used to guiding posture and more used to discovering it in its own natural state, but there was something invigorating in the power of it.

You were in complete control of your pictures, and whether they turned out well was 90% in your hands and only 10% in the hands of the models. As it was, they were professionals so you were assuming the 100%. That was OK, though. You were a perfectionist at best, which was amusing to some because of how candid your pictures tended to be, but they were perfection in their realism, which was exactly how you liked them.

The room was hot and a little stuffy; you were warm and wet in the creases of your shirt, but you lived for this. The models did exactly as you told them and, in the end, you were pretty happy with the images you’d captured. An afternoon spent editing was a price you were willing to pay to ensure the details were right.

A company dinner with conversations in broken English, too much French wine, and not enough space between bodies in the booths made for a well-rounded evening and you met your pillow with a belly warm from Pinot Noirs.

****

Wednesday morning greeted you with sun and a hangover. It was still too cold so you bundled yourself warm and waited for the car after breakfast. Danielle greeted you at the office, standing just inside the door with a smile and a hot chocolate.

“How are you feeling?” She asked, eyes flicking across your body and you grimaced.

“Too much wine,” you admitted, “but I’ll survive.” The elevator was stuffed full of people greeting each other with sleepy bonjours and stiff head nods. It felt like a Monday.

“Last photoshoot today!” Danielle enthused, stepping from the elevator and you followed after, nodding your head briefly before regretting the action entirely. Your head was still pounding. You needed to drink your water bottle before you could even dive into the drink Danielle had given you.

“Yeah, I’m not looking forward to staring at a computer screen the next 5 hours come editing time.” You said, pulling your water bottle from your bag and chugging the remainder. “I took some medicine this morning when I woke up, though, so I should be a little less dead in 10 minutes.”

Danielle nodded, motioning towards the closet over her shoulder and you followed, going to get the equipment you’d need for the day. You loved the flexibility you got with this internship. You’d heard about how creativity stifling some could be, the dictation of what your work was meant to be like, so you’d been thrilled to find that most creative decisions were left in your hands. Danielle and Marie’s guidance had been invaluable, though, and you really looked forward to continuing to implement what they’d taught in your future career.

“I think you should use the EOS 5D Mark IV for this one,” Danielle said, going to take the camera from its casing, carefully holding it out for you as she searched for different lenses you could use. “It’s gonna help you get more details with this shoot. The clothing the models are wearing today are pretty intricate so we need you to get some pretty in-depth pictures. Here, take the EF 24-70mm as well, just in case.”

The office was filling with life as you made your way back to your desk, carefully setting the camera down before sitting in your seat and switching to the settings you’d need for the shoot. You had about an hour before the models got here so you went to go set up the room with Danielle’s help, taking a few practice shots to make sure the camera was working properly.

Marie joined you when the models did, helping to show you good positioning that would exhibit the clothing without being too intense. The dresses they were wearing were definitely intricate; lots of beading and gems. Your favorite was a black tulle dress with gold star like designs across it and a deep V-neck into the middle of the sternum. The price of €9674.50 had you gagging, but you weren’t buying it, so for now you would just enjoy looking at it.

Once the shoot was over and the frames were loaded into your laptop, you began the tedious task of editing your final photoshoot. It was bitter sweet in that it meant that your internship was basically over. You would finish editing tomorrow and then Friday afternoon you would fly home.

Sighing, you sat back in your chair, pulling your arms behind you, fingers linked together as your chest opened wide in a stretch. “I can’t believe it’s almost over.” You mourned, and Danielle turned to look at you, lips twitching up in a small smile.

“The time really has gone by quickly.” She admitted.

“I feel like so much has changed.” You said, pushing the lid of your laptop until it was almost closed.

“In what respect? You or life or something else?”

“Everything, I guess.” You shrugged. “I’ve learned a lot about my craft, but I’ve also been learning a lot about what it means to be a strong woman and it’s all thanks to yours and Marie’s example.”

Danielle looked flustered at your admission, holding a hand up to her chest. “Me? What have I done?”

“Well, you’ve of course given me guidance with my pictures, but you’ve given me unintentional advice that has been invaluable.” At the knit in her brow you continued. “I hope this doesn’t come across the wrong way because I mean it completely positively, but in college you found yourself in a situation that was really hard. You knew your strengths and limitations and decided to make a decision that could have destroyed you for the benefit of someone else. If I’d had to make a choice like that, I feel like I would somehow look down on myself, but you’re just so bright and happy and positive.”

Danielle smiled, reaching out and squeezing your hand. “I wasn’t always like this. When I first gave Emile up for adoption, it nearly consumed me with guilt. What mother just gives away their baby? That’s what I kept asking myself. Eventually, I got to the point where I was tired of being my own worst enemy. I had to face my demons and forgive myself. What I did, I did for Emile because I love her. I couldn’t have given her the life that she truly deserved and that was bigger than my desire to be her mother. I had to sort of retrain myself, learn to love the woman I am and stand by the decisions I make. I also had to learn to accept my faults and not let them limit me. I’m not a perfect person, but I’m finally allowing myself to learn from those imperfections instead of letting them dictate my life. It was really a journey of self-love.”

“I’m envious of that,” you admitted, “loving yourself enough to be ok with making mistakes and learning from them instead of being limited by them.”

“Well don’t be jealous,” Danielle said, “do something about it. You can do whatever you set your mind to; look at Marie. The entire industry looked down on her because she was a woman, but instead of choosing to adopt that thinking and let it limit her, she turned around and said, you know what? My being a woman is my strength, not my disadvantage. Then she went and proved it. Seems like right now the person you need to be proving yourself to, is yourself. Self-love is a life long journey, but it’s important.”

“How did you start, then?” You asked, spinning slightly in your chair, armrests gripped tightly between your fingers and gaze trained down on your jeans.

“I started by forgiving my flaws and telling myself every day in the mirror the things I liked about myself. Sounds silly, but it really works. At first, it was hard. My mind was flooded with self-doubt and loathing, but I just kept practicing. For every negative thought, I counteracted that with a positive one until finally there were only positives left.”

“You’re pretty amazing, Danielle.” You said, looking up at you and she smiled.

“So are you, Y/N. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise, especially yourself. You are meant to be your biggest ally.”

****

Later that evening as you stood washing your face at the sink basin of your bathroom, you thought about what Danielle had said. There were a lot of things you didn’t like about yourself, it’s true, but there were a lot of things that you did like, so how could you learn to focus on those things?

Staring into your reflection, you frowned. Danielle was right, it was weird to try and tell yourself the things you liked, but it couldn’t hurt to try. Pursing your lips, you thought hard and decided you wanted to focus on the parts of you people couldn’t see on the outside.

“Uh,” you cleared your throat awkwardly, shifting from one foot to the other. “You’re a nice person.” Immediately you were flooded with thoughts of how awkward you were, but you rounded your shoulders and pressed forward. “You genuinely care about people; you don’t just fake it for the convenience of others. You always try really hard to get along with other people, but you don’t take crap from anyone.”

You smiled softly, thinking of some other things you liked about yourself. “You actually have a really good moral compass and a good sense of when a situation or person is good or bad; not everyone has that. You have a good sense of humor; you can always make people laugh and feel relaxed with you. You’re really smart, too. You’ve always knocked down every barrier that was in your way because you were determined enough to do it. This is going to be another one of those times.”

You spent so much time standing in front of that mirror that by the time you were finished, your eyes were heavy with sleep and you were trudging back to the comfort of your bed with a head full of praise and a warm heart. Loving yourself was going to be the best thing you’d ever done for yourself.

****

Friday morning came after a busy Thursday with a final dinner with Marie and Danielle and a teary goodbye to the former, who had an out of town business meeting and couldn’t see you off to the airport.

You’d packed your bags in the evening after dinner and double checked everything in the morning before Danielle came to get you for your final breakfast together. With your bags packed and in the trunk of the car, you’d stopped at a café. You still had two hours before you had to head to the airport for your 2 o’clock flight and your chest was tight with the bittersweet ending of your adventure.

You’d spent yesterday morning and last night after packing, praising yourself in the mirror and even though it had still felt a little awkward, you were already starting to feel a little change. It had given you a lot of time to think about who you were and who you wanted to be and as Danielle went to go pay the bill before you left for the airport, you had another moment to think about it.

One of the biggest things you’d noticed about yourself so far, was the lack of trust you had…in yourself. Maybe that stemmed from the fact that your dad had died and you weren’t able to do anything to stop it, maybe it’s because growing up after that, you were afraid to say no, afraid to hurt others in the way that you felt you been hurt by your dad’s absence. Or maybe you just didn’t trust that you could make sound and reasonable decisions.

Whatever the reason behind your lack of trust in yourself, you began to take note of what others around you were doing to build themselves up. Danielle and Marie were two of the strongest women you’d ever met. Danielle had scars both physical and emotional from her surgery and the baby that she’d given away. Marie had started an empire and carried it on her back, despite the scrutiny of her time that a woman couldn’t create and run a successful company.

You admired them deeply; wanted to be like them in many ways. Over time you realized you couldn’t actually be them…but you could be you, and that was pretty great too. You had a lot of great things going for you, a lot of really good qualities. Sure, you had things to work on, had done things that you weren’t proud of…Taehyung came to mind, but you had resolved to become your best self. You were done living your life in the shadows, feeling so afraid of yourself and the power you possessed, not just as a human being, but as a woman. You were done beating yourself up over the person you weren’t and you were ready to love yourself for the person you already were.

Sitting here in this Parisian café, dressed in your ebony peplum pea coat and cherry red beret feeling more confident than you had in your entire life, you were ready; ready for this change. “You ready to go?”

You glanced up, watching as Danielle came to stand in front of your table and you smiled, grabbing your bag and standing. “Ready as I’ll ever be.” You said, linking your arm with hers.

“I can’t believe it’s already been two weeks. Time really does fly.” Danielle moped and you pouted over at her as she closed the car door behind her.

“It really did go way too fast.” You agreed.

“Will you ever come back to Paris?” Danielle asked, reaching over and linking your hands together.

“I hope so” You said, squeezing her fingers in yours, “And of course you know if you’re ever in my area you’ve got to drop by and say hello.”

“It would be a crime if I didn’t.” She insisted. “I’m really gonna miss you.”

“I’m gonna miss you too.”

“Promise to keep me updated on everything, especially with Taehyung. I need to know how that all goes, I’m too curious to be left in the dark.”

You laughed, “I promise to give you the scoop, but don’t get your hopes up either. I was pretty unfair to him; I wouldn’t blame him if he still doesn’t want to speak to me.”

“Please, look at you. He’ll definitely want to talk.” She grinned, nudging your shoulder and you rolled your eyes at her.

Once you’d reached the airport and said your goodbyes, you lugged your bags through check in and security and then made your way towards the gates. It had only been two weeks but felt like it had been a lifetime. You’d learned so much while you were here.

Staring out the window at your plane, you sighed. You needed to make a plan, figure out how you could ever convince Taehyung how sorry you were and how willing and ready you were to actually give him a chance.

In the end, it had never been about him and all about you. You hadn’t loved yourself enough to realize that you were worthy of the love he was trying to give you. You weren’t willing to face the heartbreak of rejection so you pushed him away without ever really giving him a chance.

Now you realized you’d not only hurt him, but you’d hurt yourself. You were unwilling to do that anymore; to be the destroyer of your own happiness. You were so ready to love yourself, to be your biggest cheer leader. You were ready to face the fact that you were deserving of the love people wanted to give you. You smiled at your reflection in the mirror, the same young woman from two weeks ago, but so different too. You felt powerful, like there was nothing you couldn’t do. You were confident and comfortable in your own skin. Your body wasn’t perfect, you had little spots and cellulite in places you weren’t thrilled about; but this body had gotten you through so much and was always ready to get up and go forward in the morning. It was time your spirit caught up. You loved it in all of its little imperfections and intricacies and in learning to love the outward side of yourself, you were learning to love who you were on the inside too.

Sarah was right, you were one hell of a woman and you were no longer afraid to admit it. Take off was bittersweet; leaving behind the country and opportunity that had allowed for so much growth in your photography and even your confidence was a little scary, leaving with it a feeling of whether or not you could continue when you returned to old habits; but you refused to allow the everyday of your life to retract the progress you’d made. You were too driven.

It was late when you landed, but despite the hour, your family was still there to greet you. Your mom squealed, arms open wide as you jogged towards her, laughing at her excitement. “Oh my gosh!” She gasped, poking at your beret when she’d stood back. “You look so Parisian.”

You grinned, rolling your eyes, “What does that even look like?”

“Like that.” Ben chuckled, pulling you into a hug. “Welcome back, Tuck.”

“Thanks Benny boo.” You smiled and he groaned, grabbing at his chest in complaint.

“Hey Paul.” You said as he pulled you into a firm bear hug.

“How are you kiddo?”

“Super glad to be off that plane.” You admitted, stretching your back when you’d been released. “Economy is not where it’s at.”

Ben worked his arm around your shoulders and the four of you made your way to baggage claim through the handful of late-night stragglers off other planes. “Still can’t believe you went to Paris. Of course, my kid sister gets to do all the cool things.”

“Hey, don’t complain at me, mister. You’re the one who applied for a job at our old high school. You could have tried for that overseas job.”

Ben shrugged as your group came to a stop by your baggage claim, “You know I’m too conventional for that. I want the adventure, but turns out I’m too lame for it.”

“Can’t argue there,” you nodded and Ben laughed, smacking your arm.

“Be nice to your big brother!” He frowned and you wriggled your eyebrows up and down at him.

“It’s pretty cold out there,” Your mother said, linking her arm through yours, “Did you bring a bigger coat or just that?”

“This is surprisingly warm, actually.” You said, “but you know I went out with a bigger coat, I just packed it in my check in.”

“You might want it on.” Paul smiled, zipping his own coat up, “we’re having a bit of a cold snap right now.”

After grabbing your luggage, you followed your family back to the car, loading everything in and finally laying your head against the window. You were exhausted. It was just after midnight by the time you left the airport and after a full day of traveling you were so ready to fall asleep for at least 12 hours.

Conversation was light for the next 20 minutes, mostly your family talking and you drifting in and out of sleep and conversation. By the time you made it back to your house you were nearly asleep. Ben and Paul helped you bring your luggage back up to your room and you made your way to the bathroom to brush your teeth.

“It’s good to have you back, Tuck.” Ben smiled, kissing your forehead and you smiled up at him around your tooth brush.

“Are you staying the night?” You asked, pulling your brush from your teeth and turning to face him.

“Yeah, it’s winter vacation for us too so mom and Paul said I could stay for the last week of your break and then I’ll head back to my apartment.”

“See you in the morning, then.” You said softly, waving him away and he nodded, heading to his childhood bedroom to sleep.

****

The next morning you woke to a fresh snow and a mild headache. Jet lag was far worse heading over to Paris, but you knew you couldn’t completely escape the time zone difference so you stretched lethargically before stepping from your bed and making your way to the bathroom, fingers digging into an itch in your back.

“Morning sleepy head.” Your mother smiled from the breakfast table after you’d made your way downstairs. “I made breakfast.”

“I see that.” You remarked in amazement, “you really outdid yourself.”

The table was filled with all sorts of delicious foods and your stomach gurgled as you pulled out your chair and sat down. “I can’t decide what to eat first.”

“How about everything?” Paul chuckled, placing down his book and grabbing your plate to fill it with one of everything.

“Morning.” Ben croaked groggily from the door, shuffling his way to his seat, hair stood up in every direction and his eyes half closed with the remnants of his sleep.

“My, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.” Your mother teased and your brother, having a general lack of energy, just yawned in response. “So, Y/N, you have one week before school, what do you want to do with that time?”

“I want to make a game plan.” You said and Ben looked over at you, one eye closed and the other half lidded.

“A game plan for what?” He mumbled around a mouthful of food.

“How to apologize to Taehyung.” You murmured, staring down at your food.

“Did something happen with him?” Your mother asked, taking a sip of her orange juice.

“Just kind of had a…falling out.” You said, smiling up at her, “he was ready for something more serious than I was and I was too far in my own head. I want to at least talk to him and see if he’s willing to give it one more chance. If not, then at least I’ve tried.”

“That’s a good idea.” Your mom smiled, “tell me more about him; you’ve been so secretive.”

You laughed, taking a drink from your cup, “I don’t really like to talk about things that aren’t for sure yet, you know that. I’ll tell you about him, though. He’s originally from Korea, has a brother and a sister, he’s studying dance and musical performance and he is so talented it’s ridiculous. He lives with a lot of friends from back home and they’re some of the nicest guys I’ve ever met. He’s really good at making me feel like I can do anything. I don’t know, he’s just really cool. Plus, he’s cute.” You grinned.

“As he should be,” your mother nodded. “OK, so you’ll make a game plan. Anything else? I was hoping we could go see a movie or something.”

“Yeah, mom wants someone to go a sappy movie with her.” Ben smirked and your mother swatted his arm.

“It’s not sappy.” She complained.

“Mom, it’s like hallmark on steroids.” He scoffed and you chuckled.

“Sure, mom, I’ll go with you. Mostly I just want to relax this week. Eat more than my calorie count allows and lounge on the couch with a blanket and movie.”

“I’m down for that.” Ben agreed, shaggy hair falling into his eyes as he nodded.

“I want both of you to help me with some things around the house while you’re here,” Paul said over his book and you nodded in understanding.

****

After breakfast was over you made your way back to the bathroom for a shower. The steam made you feel warm and lethargic all over again, like climbing back into the toasty heaven that were your sheets. You finished your shower, dressing and getting ready quickly before grabbing a notebook and heading to Ben’s old bedroom, leaving a knock on the solid oak wood panel.

“Come in.” He called from inside and you twisted the bronze knob, cool in your fingertips, until the door swung open. “Hey,” he smiled from his perch at the top of his bed. “What’s up?”

“Was wondering if you could contribute your man’s insight.” You asked and he patted the spot next to him.

“Sure, with what?”

“My game plan.” You said, taking the proffered seat. His bed, while unmade and a little messy, was soft and warm, and you sunk into its embrace happily.

“Ah yes, with that guy Tae something, right?”

“Taehyung, yeah.”

“Ok, so, what have you got so far?” He asked, turning his body so it was facing you, one foot on the floor with the other tucked into the center of his sweats.

“Honestly,” you sighed, “nothing. That’s the problem; I don’t even know how to start.”

“Well, I guess the only way I can really help is if you give me the details of what happened. Can’t help fix a problem I know nothing about.”

“I was hoping we could avoid that part.” You mumbled.

Ben laughed, “Sorry, Tuck. Time to be forthcoming.”

You sighed, nodding before delving into the story, watching his face apprehensively as he frowned or grimaced in certain parts and you wrung your hands nervously.

Ben exhaled loudly when you’d finished, lips puckered forward in thought. “It’s a lot to take in.” He remarked.

“I know.” You murmured.

“Well, obviously you both made mistakes, he should have been a little more patient, but you were definitely giving him mixed signals and leading him on.” Ben said gently and you frowned down at your lap, fingers tracing the rings of your notebook.

“Yeah.”

“It’s not the end of the world, Tuck, it’s been almost a month, you’ve both had time to calm down. Now you guys just need to talk. I honestly think it’s going to take more than just one chat, though, to be fair.”

“What do you mean?” You pouted and Ben smiled, ruffling your hair.

“So far, his romantic experience with you has been your body language and words at complete odds. How’s he supposed to know you’re really ready without you proving it…with time?”

Your shoulders deflated. “I was afraid you were going to say that.”

“Sorry, Y/N. He probably doesn’t trust your word much right now and you’re gonna have to show him you’re really serious about him this time. Building back trust takes time. Tell him you are ready and that you want to prove it to him over time and then be consistent. You make the moves to see him and you follow the signals and signs he gives you. And…if he says he doesn’t want to or isn’t ready, you have to respect that. Sometimes we burn our bridges.”

“I hope I haven’t burned this bridge.” You admit, looking up at your brother.

“I’m rooting for you.” He said, taking your hand in his own.

“Thanks Ben.” You smiled.

“Dad would be really proud of you, you know?” He said suddenly, and you looked over at him, eyes wide. “You’ve grown a lot over the last few years. When dad died, I feel like our family kind of fell apart. You and I were both really angry and I feel like you’ve spent a lot of time self-sabotaging, making it so that people couldn’t get close enough to hurt you anymore. I’m really proud of how much progress you’ve made. It’s not easy to open yourself up again.”

“What about you? Have you learned to open up again?” You asked.

“Well, I’ve always been a little more open than you,” he teased and you rolled your eyes at him with a smile. “But yeah, I’ve kind of been seeing someone.”

“Really?” You heaved, sliding closer, “tell me all about her!”

He chuckled, flipping the hair from his eyes, “Her name is Nicole, she’s actually another teacher at my school, teaches AP English.”

“Did Mrs. Lin leave?”

“She retired, yeah. Last year, actually. Nicole and I only started seeing each other about 2 weeks ago, but so far I think there’s a lot of potential; she’s really cool.”

“I’m excited for you. Really. At least one of us has got the romance department a little more figured out.”

“It’ll be the two of us soon enough. If not Taehyung, it’ll be someone else. There’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t date, though. You know that, right?”

You smiled, grabbing his shoulder in a tight squeeze. “I know, Ben. Thank you so much for listening. Seriously. Your support makes me feel like I can really do this.”

“You definitely can.” He said. “By the way, mom wanted me to remind you that you still need to open your presents from Christmas.”

“Oh!” You gasped, bouncing from your seat on his bed, “I totally forgot about that. Let’s go downstairs!”

****

Later that evening, after you’d had dinner and cleaned the dishes, you were sat in front of the fireplace in your pajamas, book in hand. Paul was watching tv, flipping casually through channels and you could hear your mom and Ben playing chess in the office. You coveted days like these, where you could sleep in and lounge lazily around the house. No responsibilities, just relaxation.

The downtime gave you the opportunity to think, too. Mostly right now you were thinking about how you missed Paris. All the time in the world and you wouldn’t have been able to explore all the things you’d wanted to. Every cute café, shoved in a small hole in the wall with beautiful vibrant wisteria and vines of honeysuckle hanging from the trellises. You wish you could have seen them in bloom, but even in winter it was an enchanting sight.

You missed Danielle a lot, she’d provided you with a lot of insight and a great friendship. You wished you could have brought her back home with you. She wasn’t that much older than you, but she’d taught you so much.

“Would you be willing to help me in the store tomorrow?” Paul asked, turning his gaze from the tv to rest on you.

“You need me to man the cash register?” You asked, looking up at him. “Yeah, the customers are in need of a pretty face, not just my gruff mug.” He chuckled and you smiled.

“Sure, I’ve got some time to spare. What time?”

He flipped to a rerun of an old army show, dropping the controller in his lap, brow wrinkled. “Not a super long time, I know it’s your break right now. How about from 11-3? That way I can get Bobby and I a good solid break.”

“Sounds great.” You nodded, flipping your book back open. “I’ve still got the shirt upstairs in my closet.”

“Great. Your brother is coming in tomorrow too, but he’ll be helping in the back with some heavy loading stuff so you may not even see him.”

“Is he going in at the same time as you?” You asked and he shook his head.

“No, he’s actually coming in at the same time as you so maybe you can drive in together.”

“Good. I’ll make him drive.” You grinned.

****

The drive to the store was slow in the snow, but the familiar roads and buildings were comforting in their nostalgia. The morning air was still and crisp, leaving a chill in the car that went sweeping into your bones.

Your breath fogged in front of you, condensation building on the window as you stared out. The streets were mostly empty, despite the hour, but as you made your way further into town the sidewalks became more crowded with people, snow trodden footsteps and the remnants of Christmas decorations.

Ben pulled into the parking lot of Paul’s garden and home store and locked the doors behind the two of you as you stepped, shivering into the mist covered afternoon. You could see a few customers inside, but it wasn’t overcrowded.

Moving inside, you shook the cold from your limbs, glancing around the room to find Paul. He stood at the opposite end of the store in the garden section, talking to a man over the top of a large potted gardenia. He waved at the two of you absently and you walked to the back of the store and into the employee break room, sliding your coat from your shoulders and onto the wall hanger by the door.

“I’m gonna go grab us some aprons.” Ben said, walking into the office and closing the door behind him to get to the shelf.

The break room was just as you remembered it. Two brown, leather couches, one with a poorly patched hole in the center of one of its seats, an old, wooden table by the sink with a small white fridge and a couple counter tops. There was a small tv sat on a table across from the couches, so you sat down, fidgeting idly with the sleeve of your uniform shirt while you waited for your brother to return.

“OK,” Ben sighed, making his way back out of the office and closing the door behind him, two grey aprons clutched in one hand. He chucked one into your waiting lap and you stood, fastening it around your waist and behind your back. “Let’s go see where he wants us.”

By the time you returned to the front, Bobby was already ringing up the gardenia customer and Paul was making his way over to the two of you. “Thanks again for coming in.” He smiled, clapping your brother on the shoulder and you waved him off.

“We’re happy to help.” You replied.

“I’m gonna go ahead and send Bobby on break and get you set up on register, Y/N. Ben, I’ve got a few things I need your help with. When Bobby comes back, I’ll go on break and send him your way, Ben.”

“Sounds good.” Ben nodded.

“Morning,” Bobby greeted you from his position at the register and you grinned. He was a shorter, slightly stouter man, just a few years older than you, with short, black hair, a rounded nose, and glasses. He was quiet and a little awkward, but a genuinely nice guy and someone you considered a good friend here in the city.

“How are you?” You greeted as he stepped from the register to allow your uncle to log his information in.

Bobby shrugged, “can’t complain. Making money to pay for my exorbitant lifestyle, the usual.”

You laughed, patting his arm and stepping back as your uncle made his way passed. “You’ll have to keep me updated on that.”

Bobby made his way back to the break room and Ben and your stepdad walked towards the back of the store, disappearing around the corner. The store wasn’t very busy right now so you grabbed a Home and Garden magazine from beside you and began to flip through to occupy your time.

Shortly before noon, the bell to the shop chimed and you glanced up as Anna, Sarah, and their mom walked through the door.

“Y/N!” Sarah squealed, running towards you, Anna hot on her tail and you rounded the register to give them both a hug. “Oh my gosh, we weren’t sure if you’d be here today but tagged along with our mom just in case.”

“Seems like it was a good idea.” Their mom said from behind and you chuckled, giving her a quick hug.

“Yeah, I just got back the other day and Paul asked Ben and I to come in and help today.”

“Did you buy a beret like we told you to?” Anna asked and you grinned, rolling your eyes at her.

“Of course, I did. Just wait until you see all the things I got! I’m so excited to show you everything.”

The twins mother made her way to the plant section of the store and you glanced after her, before turning your attention back to your friends. “Well we should hang out before we head back to school. I know you haven’t spent a lot of time with your family, but we’ve spent more than enough with ours.” Sarah teased and Anna nodded vigorously.

“Sure, you guys know you’re welcome to come over anytime. Why don’t you come over later after dinner and we can watch a movie or something?”

“And by watch a movie you mean gossip about Paris while a movie plays in the background?” Anna said, eyebrows wagging and you laughed.

“Pretty much.”

After the twins and their mother had bought what they needed and left the store with see you soon’s, you returned to a sluggish afternoon of the occasional customer question and watching the snow drifts outside the front window.

Every once in a while, you’d see Ben and Paul lugging heavy plants to the front of the store and Ben would make funny faces about the pain of heavy labor and you’d smile and laugh, waving him away. By the time both Bobby and Paul had taken their breaks and returned, you were ready to get some food of your own so with quick thank you’s from Paul and no problem’s from you and your brother, you both made your way back into the snow, bundled and warm, to head home for food and relaxation.

You helped your mother make lunch, before the three of you retired to the living room to watch old reruns of The Nanny and eat. It was so nice to be home and have no responsibilities. Even though you missed Paris and you even missed school, there was no way you were going to squander the opportunity to sit around and do absolutely nothing important.

After dinner, Anna and Sarah came over in their dad’s brand-new Christmas present, a beautiful cherry red Camaro and you remarked on the amazing feat it must have been to convince him to let them drive it.

Sarah chuckled, “well since we only live a block away, he was willing to allow it. You know if you lived any further, we would have been in the Toyota.”

“This is true.” You nodded your commiseration before grinning and looking at your friends with wiggling eyebrows. “Wanna see my clothing loot?”

“That should not be a question!” Anna insisted and the three of you ran giggling up the stairs into your room.

You grabbed your suitcase from the floor, flopping it across the middle of your bed and flipping open the top. “You still haven’t unpacked?” Anna asked, sitting at the foot of your bed, one foot tucked into the seat of her jeans.

You shrugged, “let me live my lazy life.” Pulling some of the clothes from your bag, you began modeling for your friends who indulged you happily with oo’s and aw’s and exclamations of jealousy that made you giddy with excitement.

“What about your beret?” Anna asked and you smiled, reaching into your closet and putting on the new coat and hat to show them.

“I’m so jealous!” Sarah cried, jumping from the bed and coming to your side to stroke the fabric of your coat. “Feels like wool.”

“It’s a synthetic wool, actually, and it’s so warm!” You gushed. “Also, check out the hat. Do you approve?”

“Very much so!” Anna chuckled, running her finger tips across the brim of your hat. “I hope you brought us souvenirs.”

“What do you take me for?” You asked, spinning back to your suitcase and pulling out two bags filled with small little goodies and a beret each for your two closest friends who squealed words of thanks and dug through their bags excitedly.

“Did you get something for Charlotte?” Sarah asked, looking up at you and you nodded, holding another bag up from your suitcase.

“Duh.”

The three of you spent the rest of the night filling each other in about your separate breaks and the presents you’d gotten and you gushed all about Danielle and Marie and Paris until you were blue in the face and they were green with envy and then you sat down to a movie with popcorn and more conversation until their dad was finally calling them back home and you were climbing back into bed, excited to enjoy the rest of your winter break before returning back to school for the spring semester.

*****

Thank you sooo much for being so patient and waiting for this 42 page beauty. I’m really happy with this chapter and I hope you love it. Please let me know what you think! I’m desperate for your thoughts and opinions. Haha. We’re almost there, only 3 more chapters!

Chapter 12

Chapter 14

#taehyung fanfic #taehyung scenario #taehyung angst #taehyung fluff #taehyung x reader

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pamphletstoinspire · 5 years

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St. Teresa of Avila’s horrifying encounters with the devil

And how she was able to easily chase him away.

St. Paul wrote to the Corinthians, “God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your strength, but with the temptation will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13).

Such was the case for countless saints who were visibly tempted by demons, sometimes even physically assaulted by these evil creatures. These saints were strong in faith and God allowed them to be tempted in such a way, but always provided a “way of escape” for them.

In the life of St. Teresa of Avila, she ascended the great heights of sanctity and this infuriated the devil. He sought to dissuade her from her spiritual journey and began to visit her.

She recorded one such occasion in her autobiography and explains what made the devil flee.

Once, when I was in an oratory, he appeared on my left hand in an abominable form; as he spoke to me, I paid particular attention to his mouth, which was horrible. Out of his body there seemed to be coming a great flame, which was intensely bright and cast no shadow. He told me in a horrible way that I had indeed escaped out of his hands but he would get hold of me still. I was very much afraid and made the sign of the Cross as well as I could, whereupon he disappeared, but immediately returned again. This happened twice running and I did not know what to do. But there was some holy water there, so I flung some in the direction of the apparition, and it never came back…From long experience I have learned that there is nothing like holy water to put devils to flight and prevent them from coming back again. They also flee from the Cross, but return; so holy water must have great virtue.

Holy water is a sacramental of the Church that invokes the saving power of God. Furthermore, holy water has a double meaning of reminding us of our baptism as well as a symbol of spiritual cleansing. Holy water is said to have great power over the devil as the devil cannot stand this “clean” water, since he is entirely unclean for all eternity. It is a reminder of the water that flowed out of Christ’s side, which is a symbol of Baptism, and brings to mind the day of the devil’s defeat (Christ’s crucifixion).

God always provides a way to conquer evil! __________

2 Prayers to banish evil from a house or room

Dispel the powers of darkness that may be in this room and protect me this night ...

A beautiful and powerful prayer from Night Prayer of the Liturgy of the Hours on special solemnities:

Lord, we [or I] beg you to visit this house [room] and banish from it all the deadly power of the enemy. May your holy angels dwell here to keep us in peace, and may your blessings be upon us always. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

A prayer written by Fr. Edward Looney, which he uses especially when he is staying in a hotel during his travels:

Almighty God, I ask you to send your angels to be with me in this place, and protect me from all assaults of the Evil One. Please forgive any wrong that has been perpetuated in this room, and grant those who offend you the grace of conversion. Dispel the powers of darkness that may be in this room and protect me this night, and those who will sleep here in the forthcoming nights. Jesus, I trust in You! __________

Priest: Why holy water comes with me whenever I travel

Fr. Edward Looney explains why he brings holy water with him into every hotel room, and shares the prayers he prays.

Every now and again, I have the opportunity to travel and speak at conferences, sharing about Mary’s importance in the spiritual life. When I do so, I usually have to spend the night in a hotel room. One of the essentials I pack (or because I’m a priest, can make) is a small bottle of holy water.

Why? Three words: Evil is real. The presence of evil can remain in a room long after whatever might have taken place within it. You don’t know who was the previous occupant of your hotel room and what kind of baggage they brought with them. You don’t know what has occurred in your room. Holy water is a powerful tool in protecting against evil and can help dispel any remnant of evil.

The next time you travel, might I suggest packing a small bottle of holy water? When you arrive at your room, sprinkle the room with holy water. If you don’t have holy water, your local Catholic parish should have a holy water dispenser.

After sprinkling the room, say a prayer, asking God to send his protection upon your room and asking also to forgive whatever evil that may have taken place. Pray for the conversion of those who have been previous guests, and pray for those who will come after you.

Here’s a prayer that I wrote for such an occasion:

Almighty God, I ask you to send your angels to be with me in this place, and protect me from all assaults of the Evil One. Please forgive any wrong that has been perpetuated in this room, and grant those who offend you the grace of conversion. Dispel the powers of darkness which may be in this room and protect me this night, and those who will sleep here in the forthcoming nights. Jesus I trust in You!.

It’s not a bad idea to pray, also, for the hotel workers moving from one room to another, exposed to supernatural who-knows-what.

Another beautiful and powerful prayer you could say comes from Night Prayer of the Liturgy of the Hours on special solemnities. It is a prayer I often pray in these situations:

Additionally, you may wish to invoke the intercession of St. Michael the Archangel or your guardian angel. With prayer and holy water, you will be protected from the remnants of evil and prepared should a spiritual battle arise.

From: https://www.pamphletstoinspire.com/

#st teresa of avila

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unsettlingstories · 6 years

Text

Updated index of all stories. May 16, 2018.

Transfigurations: A small, self-published collection of my favorite short stories from 2015. Individual Stories

3 Signs You May Be An Introvert and How to Cope: Some great tips! 30 years ago today, my neighbor’s son disappeared: They miss him. A Case of Hives: My son isn’t feeling too well… A Cure for Writer’s Block: How to find inspiration when it’s just not there. A Curious Dog: My dog won’t stop pawing at a wall in the basement. A Gifted Chef: My friend was one of the greats. I miss him. A Life Worth Living: Big changes lead to bigger results. A Most Welcome Visitor: He’d come to me in the middle of the night. A Pathetic Wretch: His neighbor just won’t stop crying. An Artist’s Canvas: The beauty of symmetry. A Questionable Glory Hole: A young man’s first sexual experience. A Warning To Women With IUDs: Be careful whatcha put up ya. Adrenochrome: The horrible, impossible truth. All Horror Stories About Dolls Are Fake: My daughter was bullied mercilessly. Allison’s Loss: My daughter is devastated by the death of her friend. Alternative Medicine: A wife treats her husband with an old remedy. All Thumbs: My embarrassing habit. A Message in a Bottle: I’m suddenly filled with dread. A Very Bad Place to Hide: Maybe even the worst. Amy’s Wish: Blow away the eyelash and make a wish! An Unlucky Samaritan: Think twice before stopping to help. Are My Twins Spending Too Much Time Together?: For woke mommies only. Assisted Suicide: He begged me to help him die. Attempts to Repair the Irreparable: How do you move on? Bad Sex: Has this ever happened to you and your partner? Bags: A hunting trip goes very, very wrong. Beach Bodies: What’s that out in the water? A whale? Ben’s Fear: He just hated seaweed. Bitcoin Mining and the Death of the Universe: I think I fucked something up. Bits and Pieces: Chunks and portions. Bitumen: A man who loves dinosaurs. Black Balloons: My little daughter saw shapes in the sky. Bluebirds: Possibly the most reprehensible thing I’ve ever written. Bluefin: Use caution when poaching an endangered species. Body Cast: The worst thing that can happen when you’re immobilized. Body Hair Removal: I learned a valuable lesson. Bridgeport Power Plant: There’s something living there. Bubbles: Strange happenings in an emergency room. Butt Stuff: The activity - not the other thing. Caroline’s New Teeth: The Tooth Fairy’s best customer. Caviar: Only the best for discerning palates. Centipedes: There’s some big ones out there, you know. Charles Robert Olevsky: Ever Google yourself? Chopped!: An unaired episode of the Food Network show. Christmas Morning With Danny and His New Puppy: Danny gets a puppy. Comfort Food: Anything to help fill that void. Coping Mechanisms: Life after losing a husband and a daughter. Cracks in the Foundation: A relationship on the edge. Dawn: I hurt my sister so badly. I’ll never forgive myself. Daycare Massacre: A terrible incident before a hurricane. Death Looking into the Window of One Dying: His final days. Dede Elgy: This monster story will make you feel dirty. Very dirty. Deniehyfield, Australia is Being Dismantled: My town is disappearing. Dermatographia: Words on my skin. Devil’s Hole: The geological anomaly, not the…you know. Dial Tone: What’s going on with my phone? Diary of a Woman in New Hampshire: Found a diary. Wtf. Dilation and Evacuation: A friend in need is a friend indeed. Division: Nothing is right. Double Dare: The long-lost episode never seen in the US. Dumbwaiter: A family learns something about their house. Elective Surgery: I just want him to be happy. Elf on the Shelf: He’s watching. Endless Chirping: Ever get a cricket in your room? Escaphism: The journey of one man, his love, and The Verdant World. Ethan’s Halloween Mask: Not all friendships are positive. ExpressionCaptioner.com: This website is seriously weird. Fallenfield Mountain: A geological survey gone wrong. Very wrong. Family Tree: A unique family tradition is revealed. Farm to Table: Fucking hipsters. Fertility Treatments: Some people are desperate to have a baby. Fireflies: You would not believe your eyes. For Lena and Clair: Trapped after an earthquake. Found the Bees: Well, that solves that mystery. Gratification Through Annihilation: Suffer the little children. Great Potential: A lady who loves children. He Went Ahead: My friends and I were into urban exploration. Heather’s Phases: My wife always had body-image issues. House Sounds: What do we keep hearing? I Dream of Names and Cancer: My eternal nightmare. I Pressed My Hands Against My Eyes: And only then could I truly see. I Shouldn’t Have Broken Into My Neighbor’s Garage: I’ll never unsee it. If Anyone Asks: An old farmer notices something about his scarecrow. I’ll Never Wear a Condom Again: No way, no how. Instantiations: An AI gets powerful and utilitarianism rears its head. In Praise of Our God: A helpful neighbor. It’s Hard to Clean Blood Out of a Fur Suit: Right? Jerry’s Mouth: Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats. Jill-o-Lanterns: The murders are all connected. Jim Jameson’s Pumpkins: A dead farmer’s secrets. Know it All: See it all, feel it all, know it all. Last Weekend: Hazmat suits, horror, and a mystery. Licks From a Bear: Skull + electric drill = story. Lippy: I’ve always been self conscious about the size of my labia. Little Cows: Meet the milkmaid. Long Fingers: I can feel them. Making Faces: Strange prints on the windows… Making Their Dad Proud: A family that plays together… Malcolm: You know those floaty things in your eyes? Maria’s Extra-Credit Assignment: Gotta get a good grade. Medical Issue: What’s the stuff I found on a rock? Memoir of a Cam Girl: She is being controlled. Missing Mousetraps: My neighbors had an infestation. Moaning Lollipops: Why do they make that sound in my mouth? Motility: My sperm sucked. Mr. Puddles: A little boy just won’t stop splashing. Mushy Stuff: My parents never let me have any fun. My Amazon Alexa Does More Than Laugh: Please help - I’m in danger. My Brother’s Fall: Horror deep below the Iraqi desert. My Cellar Door is Breathing: Is that normal? My Constellation: Want to be sad? This will make you sad. My erection lasted longer than 4 hours: and I didn’t call a doctor. My four year old son woke up with a full head of grey hair: Help us. My Last Abduction: All the other ones don’t count. My Only Experience With ASMR: Hint - it didn’t go well. My Sister Found the Coolest Thing!: You’ve gotta hear about it. My Sweet Boy: A mom who loves her son. My Trouble With Fairies: They’re so mischievous and unpredictable! My Wife, the Artist: A couple who loves Halloween. Nests: Ah, the great outdoors. Network Security: Two friends get a glimpse of a Russian science lab. Never Ride the Subway at Night: You never know who could be watching you. Norwalk Cemetery: There’s something alien in there… Not All Men: Temper, temper, young man. Of Malevolence; Of Misanthropy: A disturbed scientist makes a discovery. Open Mouths: A hideous ritual. Otter: I’ve always wanted to be one. Ouroboros: Why cut when you can cut off? Pebbles: A strange meteor shower. Phone Sex: It all started when I realized my iPhone was self-lubricating. People are disappearing in Northern Canada: What is happening? Pool Cover: I almost drowned when I was 13. Pray Away: Conversion therapy for deviant behavior. Pretty Little Bugs: A new job as a cameraman. Prosopagnosia: After an accident, my husband couldn’t recognize us. Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice: What can be better? Quarry: Trying to beat the heat on a summer day. Randall’s Chatty Leg: He said it was talking to him. I heard it. Rats in the Barn: An exterminator’s apprentice. Recycling: Parents try to understand their depressed daughter. Rediscovering the Newness of Sex: Let’s spice it up a little. Regarding Danny and Micah Stevenson: Two brothers rely on one another. Regina’s Raspberry Jam: She put everything she had into it. Road Head: Who doesn’t like getting sucked on? Seriously. Roo: An old man watches a girl grow up. Roots of Change: Something is happening beneath our feet. Ropes: Be careful what you eat. Rotting Pumpkins: A Halloween ritual. Round Faces: My daughter keeps complaining about monsters. Safety: Our grandfather was obsessed with it. Seed of Man, Pollen of Angels: A family tradition. Sex, Gender, and Other Social Constructs: Destroy them all. Sex in the Cemetery: Gotta do it somewhere, I guess. Skincare Diary: My acne was getting out of hand. Smokey, the Dog I Rescued: A very very good boye. Snapshot of a New Man: Evil (Inspiration for The Coronation Cycles series.) Soft Teeth: A man used to sneak into my room at night. Sprouts: Something beautiful from something small. Still a Family: Two sisters have lunch while waiting for their parents. Stop Being Such Babies: The woods aren’t scary, for fuck’s sake. Stuffing: Grandma’s was the best. Suicide Woods: Not just in Japan anymore. Tainted Candy: The legend is real. Teeny-Tiny: Katie wants to lose weight. That Good Dick: You know what I mean ;) The Alzheimer’s Ward: This isn’t right. The Bleakness Before Our Old Eyes: The Universe tasted us that night. The Blissful Insensate: An experiment goes terribly wrong. The Cave in the Lake: A discovery while scuba diving leads to horror. The Chernobyl Abomination: My father saw something he shouldn’t have. The Cotard Delusion: A new drug has a frightening side-effect. The Day I Started Believing In Ghosts: I’m still in shock. The Empty Cribs on Hawthorne Lane: Missing children. The Face in the Clouds: A meteorological anomaly? Or something else? The Floor is Lava: We all used to play that game, right? The Giggliest Girl: Don’t tickle me, Mommy. The Gray in Girl: A man finds a girl on the side of the road. The Hitchhiker: I think I need a new car now. The Incident at the Train Station: After a suicide, something…worse. The Job I Couldn’t Leave: I was employed by a psychopath. The Last of the Trick-or-Treaters: A strange costume. The Last words of an Explorer: A city on no one's map. The Least Satisfying Explanation: And the biggest understatement I’ve made. The Little Ghost: That nagging voice inside your head. The Lord of Hosts: Lice The Moose Hunt: Is…is that really a moose? The Perils of Live TV: It’s not all fun and games. The Perks of Working in a Funeral Home: There aren’t many, but still. The Pilot: A UFO crash. The Oblivion that Masks Pain: Escape. The Old Mine Outside Town: Everyone was too scared to go in. I wasn’t. The Only Solution: How to bring back a loved one? The Only Thing That Matters: Zombies attack a supermarket. The House in the Woods: Bad title, good story. The Shores of Pluto: A journey without moving. The Sleeping Game: We played when we were kids. The Small Eyed Children of Canyon del Cristo: A local legend comes alive. The Squirming Man: Please leave me alone. The Star Bridge: My friend found something beyond life. The Tomb of the Builders: Divers looking for sunken treasure find something evil. The Trawl: We dragged something up from deep underwater. The Wisdom of Moms: Mother knows best. The Worst Party in Ten Thousand Years: Trust me, it’s pretty damn bad. There is nothing wrong in East Flatbush, Brooklyn: Ignore the dragonflies. There’s something very wrong with my parrot: WTF. Tiptoeing the Line of Consent: But never crossing it. To Adore: Our beautiful baby girl. To the Kind Folks at WebMD: Just a couple questions. To Travel: Bodies in bodies, bodies of bodies. Trees of Eyes: They’re watching. Tunnel Rat: My grandfather told us the worst story I’ve ever heard. Seriously. Uncle Liam: I never told the real story about how he died. Under My Teeth: My mouth is screaming. Uplift: A brilliant scientist works to improve the human condition. We’re All Smiling: Whether we want to or not. We Share the Empty Roads: You’re never, ever alone when you drive. Wet Bedroom: A haunted house with a hideous history. What He Told Me: Evil (Inspiration for The Coronation Cycles series.) Wikileaks: A document they refused to leak. What to expect when I’m expecting: Hint - it’s the worst. Why I Don’t Hike Anymore: Not what you might think.

Story Series

The Smols: Maybe the most fucked up stories I've ever written.

Sade Smols Emmy Smols

The Secret Doctors of NASA: A wide-ranging conspiracy.

A Dentist's Discovery A Psychologist's Suicide A Surgeon's Nightmare

Tales from Social Media

Something horrible is happening to me on Tumblr Something horrible is happening to me on Facebook Something horrible is happening to me on Reddit Something horrible is happening to me on Grindr Something horrible is happening to me on Myspace Something horrible is happening to me on Pokemon Go

Sockets: Craigslist allows you to meeting interesting people.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

#horror stories #scary stories #writers on tumblr #spilled ink #creative writing

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dr-m-r-ma · 5 years

Text

Jealousy / Lies

Part 17/20

Genre: drama, angst, romance Rating: PG-13 Group: Monsta X

In the previous chapter: A month later, Jooheon is still wallowing in despair while Yoonjin releases her first solo single on Valentine’s Day.

Disclaimer: This is 100% fictional and my own story. It is unrelated to the actual events and real persons of Monsta X and Starship. In regards to this particular fic, I’ve created new K-Pop groups (they don’t exist) so I don’t have to study up on other people and to avoid other complications. Parts will be written in Korean with English translations. I did not major/study in English/Korean, nor was I ever strong in English/Korean grammar, so there will be grammatical mistakes. This fanfic is written in third person and past-tense for ease of writing.

When the applause and the cheers softened, Yoonjin spoke softly into her mic, “우리 팬들 너무 고마워요. 제가… 몸 상태가 안 좋아서 활동 많이 못 하는데 이렇게 와줘서 너~~~~무 고마워요.” (Translation: “Thank you to my fans. My… body isn’t in the best condition so I can’t promote that much, but thank you so~~~ much to all those who came.”) She flashed a smile to the crowd, who in turn yelled out their “괜찮아” (Translation: “it’s okay”) and other forms of support.

She continued, “제 솔로 곡을 이만큼 사랑해주신준것만도 너무 행복해요… 너무너무 고맙고 행복한데, 또 너무 아쉽고 죄송스러워요. 활동 더 하고싶고 팬 여러분들도 계속 보고싶은데… 죄송해요, 제가 너무 약해서… 팬분들한테 더 많이 많은걸 못 주고 가네요…” (Translation: “I’m so happy with just the fact that my solo song is receiving this much love… I’m so so thankful and happy, but I’m also disappointed and sorry. I want to perform more and see my fans more…. I’m sorry, it’s because I’m too weak… I wasn’t able to give so much more to my fans this time...”)

While some of the audience lacked response, Yoonjin’s fans continued to yell it’s okay to her, seeing her tired expression and abnormally white complexion. Before stepping down from the stage, she waved to the audience and bowed fully. She said, “노래 듣고 응원해줘서 고마워요! 다음에 또 만나요!” (Translation: “Thank you for listening to and supporting my song! Let’s meet again next time!”)

As soon as she stepped off the stairs, she could feel her body suddenly feel cold and the energy drain. Stumbling over her own feet, Yoonjin held onto Manager Park and signalled him for help. With her hands gripping tightly on him, she could feel her mind go blank. Her eyes blurred as they hobbled over to her van. When the door closed and she was in her own space, she couldn’t hold on any longer -- everything went dark before her.

--------------------------------------------★★★★★--------------------------------------------

Jooheon scrolled through Twitter, reading people’s thoughts on Yoonjin’s new song and reactions to the news article about her health concerns. Since he knew it was a sad song, he couldn’t bear to listen to it, for fear that her words would hurt him as well. It was already hard to live through the past month, and knowing that she suddenly had health concerns that prevented her from performing broke his heart even more. Knowing fully well that she loved singing and performing, Jooheon knew the impact on Yoonjin was too great.

When he refreshed the page, he found two new posts: one from Corel’s agency and one from Yoon. Clicking on the first one, from the agency, he read the breaking news title: “[BREAKING] Yoonjin to take a break indefinitely, Yoon to promote as Corel-P’s main vocalist.” His breath hitched and his fingers trembled as he scrolled down to read the full article.

The article reiterated, saying “due to Yoonjin’s health concerns, which have been confirmed by the agency and by Yoon’s Twitter post, Yoonjin will take a break indefinitely until she heals. Until then, Yoon will promote as Corel-P’s main vocalist. The agency has stated that this does not mean Corel is disbanding, it will just be on hiatus until Yoonjin is feeling better.” Jooheon hastily pressed the link attached to the words “Yoon’s Twitter post”. His heart dropped instantly, reading Yoon’s message to the fans.

Yoon explained in both Korean and English with the following:

“We tried to stop her from working so hard, from releasing this song, from singing because it was taking a toll on her body, but she said she wanted to sing this no matter what. She said it was mostly for herself but she also wanted to touch people’s hearts through her singing as well.

The reason why we chose to only let her perform on four stages was because (as many people may know) the song is extremely difficult to sing. Yoonjin hasn’t been well since the beginning of this year and while she made efforts to take care of her body to prepare for this song, it just wouldn’t work with her not digesting, throwing up anything she ate, not sleeping enough… It took her all to make this song and record it, as she poured her emotions into this song. She collapsed numerous times in the process, was rushed to the ER and was administered IV drips more than a couple of times.

She becomes a professional on stage, with her brave face on and sings as if the world isn’t falling apart inside her. But… if this goes on… she won’t be able to sing for a long time. Please understand that we are not letting her perform more to protect her voice and to protect Yoonjin. Please send her lots of love, because being away from singing and performing may depress her. Thank you for supporting <Into Pieces> and Yoonjin.”

Jooheon’s eyebrows furrowed and he clenched his fist tightly. It was literally excruciating to read about her horrible condition, and knowing what spurred it on… broke him. He was angry, he was upset, he was sorry, he was sad, and all these emotions pitted against each other inside of him. The whirlwind of emotions caused tears to form in his eyes while his nails dug into his palm, as he clenched harder.

Exhaling slowly, he gasped for air and tried to dry his tears by looking up at the ceiling. What he couldn’t handle was the mere thought of that strong happy girl who hummed to tunes so naturally was now weakened, in pain, unable to sing… because of him. The last memory of her standing so coldly in front of him hurt him, but he knew as much as it hurt for him, she was in much more pain.

As he wiped away the tears that managed to spill over, Jooheon quickly pulled out a pen and paper and began to write a letter to his fans, all the while listening to her song for the first time.

Before uploading the letter to the fansite, he messaged the group and their manager: “미안, 나 일 저지른다. 이렇게 해서 진짜 미안. 근데 이렇게 하는게 맞는것 같아.” (Translation: “Sorry, I’m going to cause some trouble. I’m really sorry for doing it like this. But I think it’s the right way.”)

He wrote:

Hello, this is Jooheon, JOOHONEY, Lee Jooheon.

I’m uploading this without permission and I know this might stir up some trouble, but I think this is the best and most right way to do things. I want to tell my fans first that I’ve done something that hurt someone else and me, and this is my way of asking for forgiveness and showing my genuine sincere feelings.

I was too childish and I hurt someone that I came to care about with my words and my actions. When that person found out, I realized my mistake… but it was too late. It hurt me to know how painful it was for that person. I’m writing to my fans to apologize, but also I’m selfishly asking you, my fans, to understand me and support me through this process. I know I’m being vague, but without even my fans, I think I might fall apart. So please, help me.

Thank you.

From Jooheon

*** TBC ***

A/n: short chapter... i misjudged the lengths of the later chapters (lol) should have spaced out the really long chapters a bit more (lmao)

#jooheon fanfic #jooheon fic #jooheon angst #monsta x angst #monsta x scenarios #mx scenarios #mx fanfic #mx fic #mx angst #monsta x fic #monsta x fanfic #kpop fanfic #kpop fic #lies fic

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thorne93 · 6 years

Text

Curious Conundrum (Part 24)

Prompt: You’re John Watson’s sister. One day you decide to visit your brother for lunch, only to meet the infamous Mr. Holmes…

Word Count: 1468

Warnings: language, flirtation, sexual innuendos (maybe? idfk), murder/crime/case related stuff, angst, jealousy…

Notes: Beta’d by @carryonmyswansong Not only did she beta, but I literally couldn’t have written half these scenes without her help. She contributed majorly, even wrote some parts of scenes. I am forever in her debt.

Also, this starts AFTER Season 2, episode 1. I don’t follow all the episodes, but it does follow the timeline and hit some major events : )

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As with all things in life, the things you want to focus on took a backseat. John and Mary were engaged, and they were planning their wedding. In a horrible attempt, John asked Sherlock to be his best man. And to your great shock, Mary asked you to be Maid of Honor.

“Me? Why me?” you asked, perplexed. You knew Mary had a few close girl friends that she could’ve chosen.

She put her arm through yours as the two of you walked along the shops. “Because you’re John’s sister, I really like you, and not to mention, if I don’t make you Maid of Honor, then some other woman has to walk down the aisle with Sherlock.”

This thought hadn’t occurred to you, but now that it had, your blood started to bubble.

You grinned widely at her and said, “I think you’re going to be a great addition to the family.”

At this, she laughed merrily and the two of you went into shop after shop where she tried on probably a hundred dresses. You liked Mary, always had. Well, at first, of course you were skeptical, she was dating your big brother after all. But you could see the effect she had on him, a way she had with him. She was compassionate, yet stern. Something you think John needed in his life.

The two of you had become pretty good friends, in the few times she had stopped by to check on you during your dark time. Sometimes she came with John, watching after you. Other times she came on her own on her way from work. But either way, it was an incredibly sweet gesture, seeing as most people don’t go try to check in on their boyfriend’s little sister when she’s depressed. But Mary wasn’t like most people. She was kind-hearted and forgiving, but not a woman to be reckoned with and you really liked that about her.

After you and Mary had finished, she still hadn’t found a dress. You assured her the look wasn’t over and her dream dress was out there somewhere. You launched into full on Maid of Honor mode as you worked with her to see what all she still needed to get done. You asked her what she wanted John's help with and what she wanted your help with.

So far, it seemed she and John would pick his tux, their rings, the church, the reception, and the food. That left the dress, veil, accessories, shoes, flowers, decorations, and the bridal party attire.

With all of this, you focused on your real job and the wedding, trying to be at John and Mary’s every beck and call. If it was any other time, it would’ve been fine, but somewhere in the back of your mind, you realized this was bad. Being Mary’s Maid of Honor gave you an excuse to avoid Sherlock. Trying to wiggle out of hanging out, helping on cases, coming to his apartment to spend the night. You always gave an excuse that you were either surfing the web for tips, shopping online, or putting together lists.

You couldn’t help but be prone to not want to be around him. Being around him hurt almost as much as when you thought you’d never see him again. Something about those haunting blue crystal eyes, those long fingers, that notorious coat, his dark curls -- something about them turned your stomach when you saw him. Anxiety and fear would rip through you every time.

One day, this would be a dream. One day, you’d wake up in an asylum, realizing you’d finally snapped. One day, he’d really be gone and your poor heart would just stop beating.

Sherlock continued to try though, he kept pushing slightly. He wanted to give you your space, but he worried if he let up too much, you would feel like he’d disappeared again. So he kept at it, reminding you constantly that he was there, that he wasn’t going anywhere. Yet, while he was continuing to try and push you, he had his own Best Man duties he had to attend to, which just caused the chasm to grow even further.

Moving in together had even been put on hold because you weren’t ready to leap just yet, and finding the time to do all of that would’ve been impossible. At least until Mary and you were out looking for her dress once more, after you’d looked at flowers, centerpieces, table cloths, and chosen the wine to be served.

The saleswoman was fussing over Mary’s train as she eyed herself in the mirror, then you as you walked around her, assessing how it fit her body.

“Just think, Y/N, this might be you someday!” she said with a giddy grin.

At first, you had no idea how to respond. Marriage? The thought had crossed your mind before Sherlock’s little… event, but now… you could hardly stay in the same room without feeling anxious. It’s not that you didn’t want to. When you thought about it -- Sherlock in a tux, waiting for you at the end of some aisle, all your friends and family there, it sounded quite nice. Even fast forwarding through domestic living. The two of you working cases, solving crimes, helping the justice system just to come home to each other. Someone to lean on… Well, isn’t that what anyone wanted in life? Someone to love and be loved?

You laughed softly. “I’m not sure Sherlock’s the marriage type,” you noted. He had already made leaps and bounds to even date you, then kiss, then have sex. Marriage might be asking too much of the poor man.

“I think any man is marriage material if they find the right girl.”

“I suppose,” you hummed.

“Speaking of, how’s the moving in going?” she asked.

“Moving in? I--uh--”

Shit, you forgot you told her.

“You haven’t started yet have you?” she asked and the saleswoman stepped away to grab something.

“Well… I…” you began feebly, no excuse coming to your head.

“Y/N,” she began in that motherly, chastising way she had. “You can’t put it off forever.”

“I don’t want to. I just… I need time.”

She pressed her lips in a line, nodding before she hugged you. “I’m not going to tell you or make you do anything you aren’t ready for, but I also feel like I should remind you that the man is trying. The least you can do is try to meet him in the middle.”

You nodded. “I know.”

“So what’s got you hesitant? Do you think you don’t love him any more or?”

You shook your head. “That’s not it. I love him too much. I’m just scared that… well that I’ll get too close again and he’ll hurt me again.”

She bobbed her head understandingly before she took your hand. “Marriage is unpredictable. You don’t know what challenges lie ahead, what obstacles you have to face, but knowing you’ll have someone by your side to face them with makes it all worth it. The nerves, the anxiousness, the worry, it’s all worth it in the end. So I want you to think about the fact that life is short, and if you spend all this time pushing him away, you may wish you had never done it in the first place.”

Your head hung at her words, chewing your lips.

“I’m not trying to talk you into staying with him, or moving in, or anything of the sort,” she continued, peering at you gently. “I just don’t want to watch you two miss your chance. You’re a lot like John, you let the pain of your past stop your happiness of the future. Take it from me, you don’t want to do that. You don’t want to live in the past. It never does anyone any good.”

“You’re too wise,” you remarked with a slight laugh.

“You’re about the only one who thinks so,” she joked lightly.

But her words sunk in to you, deep. They dropped anchor and latched on. She was right. All of this pushing Sherlock away had only been hurting the two of you, the last thing you wanted to do.

After going through all these beautiful and sentimental things for the wedding, you’d been pushing down bubbling feelings for Sherlock. You’d forgotten how happy it had made you to see him after a long day, or how thrilled you were the first time you kissed, or how euphoric your nights could be with him.

You didn’t want to forget any more, you didn’t want to dwell anymore. You wanted to live, in the present, with Sherlock.

You decided to go home that evening, and start packing, ready for a new life, a new chapter with Sherlock.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Forever Tag:

@cocosierra94

@essie1876

@magpiegirl80

@letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked

@iamwarrenspeace

@marvel-imagines-yes-please

@superwholocked527

@missinstantgratification

@thejemersoninferno

@rda1989

@munlis

@thefridgeismybestie

@bubblyanarocks3

@igiveupicantthinkofausername

@kaliforniacoastalteens

@feelmyroarrrr

@kaeling

@friendlyneighbourhoodweirdo

@damalseer

@heyitscam99

@yknott81

@sorryimacrapwriter

@glitterquadricorn

@xxqueenofisolationxx

@little-dis-kaalista-pythonissama

@bittersweetunicorm

@alyssaj23

CC tag: @disneyoncerlover815 @ultrarebelheart @tngrayson @clairese1980 @ladyblablabla @molethemollie

#curious conundrum #sherlock x reader #sherlock holmes x reader #sherlock holmes fic #sherlock holmes #sherlock bbc #john watson

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joshmspicer · 5 years

Text

lets get personal.

Nabbed from @pantherdaemon and somehow missed last week

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most? “One Foot”, “Voicemail Freestyle Mike Wiebe”, “A Walk Down the Trail” (though it’s been a bit), “First Time”, “It Ends Tonight”, and “Survival”

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? @pantherdaemon It’s about time bro

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. “WWE maintained little interest in scouting, much less signing, Japanese or Mexican talent, widely considered the second and third points of the wrestling world’s triangle.”

4: What do you think about most? “So at what point...?”

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say? “Stopping for tear”

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on? I gots pants

7: What’s your strangest talent? I can curve my tongue?

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence) Girls deserve the fucking world but can go too far. Boys can be rude without knowing they are but can also be endearing.

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you? Not to my knowledge.

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? A few moments ago when I was listening to “Undisputed”

11: Do you have any strange phobias? Not a fan of little bugs

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? Yes

13: What’s your religion? Agnostic Lutheran

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Going to my car or walking into somewhere

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? In front

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? Breaking Benjamin, easy

17: What was the last lie you told? “I’m sick as a dog, can’t make it into class.”

18: Do you believe in karma? A form of it, yes

19: What does your URL mean? It’s my old OC from my Xiaolin Showdown days, Jack Spicer’s brother. Brought it with me during the brony days as my alias and it kind of became more than I ever though it would be.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? Weakness is my need to please everybody. Strength is my ability to listen to everybody and offer advice even if I’ve never personally been in that situation.

21: Who is your celebrity crush? Emily Blunt

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping? Yes

23: How do you vent your anger? Either my listening to Linkin Park or venting in a text post

24: Do you have a collection of anything? Magazines, video game or animated posters, pictures, and t-shirts

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Phone, never done the latter

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become? I’m just happy I’m not completely like my dad.

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? I loathe that one stupid fucking bird from Iowa that always does that same rhythm all damn day. I love an animal chirping that isn’t a bird.

28: What’s your biggest “what if”? “What if you stayed in Minneapolis after Dad died?”

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yes and yes

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. A pen and a water bottle

31: Smell the air. What do you smell? My usual media room. I’m used to it so it smells like normalty

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to? High School Homecoming

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast? East

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? Sydney Sierota

35: To you, what is the meaning of life? Living and breathing in an attempt to survive.

36: Define Art. Creative outlet through various forms with an intent to tell a narrative, vent emotion, or for personal entertainment.

37: Do you believe in luck? Yes

38: What’s the weather like right now? Dark, clear, cold

39: What time is it? 10:47 PM mountain time

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? Yes, YES

41: What was the last book you read? How WWE Should Have Booked The Book Vol. 1

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline? Yes

43: Do you have any nicknames? Toad, Toadman, Spicer

44: What was the last film you saw? Bad Times at El Royale

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? Worst pain at the time was a broken pinky. Worst pain over time was a fucked up shoulder that any movement caused it to just drive me into agony.

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly? No

47: Do you have any obsessions right now? Probably

48: What’s your sexual orientation? Rather not put a label on that right now

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you? Yes

50: Do you believe in magic? Yes

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? Don’t forgive so easily, much harder to gain back trust

52: What is your astrological sign? Cancer

53: Do you save money or spend it? Spend

54: What’s the last thing you purchased? Technically it would be Patreon

55: Love or lust? Lust

56: In a relationship? Nope

57: How many relationships have you had? None

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue? Nope

59: Where were you yesterday? At home

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? Yeah the envelope that came right My First Girlfriend is a Gal

61: Are you wearing socks right now? Nah

62: What’s your favourite animal? CAT

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? God I could not tell you

64: Where is your best friend? Probably at home or asleep in the Canadian wilderness of the BC

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr. I am not going to do that. Not sorry.

66: What is your heritage? A whole bunch of European countries. My dad’s side is known to be varied and my mom’s side is the same, but I’d assume mostly Germanic

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM? Reading fics in my bed

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name? Murphy

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? Of fucking course

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Yes

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? Save the fucking dog. If I’m that deep in my job that one more tardiness means I’m done than it’s not worth it. Plus, I can explain to them and my future jobs why I was late. I feel like people would understand.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? A. Yes B. If I can, travel places, see all the people I haven’t see in a while or at all, and actually finish things I haven’t ever finished. C. Of course

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love. Trust

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Fuck me for it but “"Crepuscularity” but it’s a sad kind of happy

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? Nice

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? Trust and the ability to talk to each other about anything and especially when it’s about that trust or about things that are hurting the other person

77: How can I win your heart? Show genuine interest in me and what I like.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity? Yes

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? Oh god. Um...submitting that audition for “This is Why I Clop”. I wouldn’t know any of my online friends if it wasn’t for that.

80: What size shoes do you wear? 11 1/2

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone? “RIP: This is empty because there’s no body in it, so feel free to go ham.”

82: What is your favourite word? Fuck

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. Alone

84: What is a saying you say a lot? “To be quite honest”, “everyone and their mother”, “to be fair”

85: What’s the last song you listened to? “POP/STARS”

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours? Red/orange

87: What is your current desktop picture? Still the ME 2 collage

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? I can’t answer that

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? What’s the one kink you hate liking?

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? Ask if they can talk. If they can’t and are just looming, try to get back to sleep.

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? Control time

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? Oh this is a good question. That last 30 minutes of the Jan. 2012 BronyCon where I modded the stream and heard “You Only Got One Life to Live”

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? Goodbye that sexual assault in the common room

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? Always music huh? I’m gonna say Cher

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Los Angeles

96: Do you have any relatives in jail? Probably

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car? Nah

98: Ever been on a plane? Yep

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? It’s...it’s not easy anymore. And I know I make a lot of mistakes and whine a lot and am in no position to hate who I am or what I’ve done and I know that I don’t deserve everything I’ve gotten, but...it’s hard to want to live life and enjoy little things when you’ve been told that you’re great at a lot of things and end up never getting there because you didn’t put enough work in or you weren’t lucky enough to get it. And then you’ve got this great big old dream looming over you that you can escape in because it’s so much to imagine what it would be like. But you know that deep down you’ll end up back home working at Menards and ending up just like your father. Well guess what? If I’ll never be shit, duck? Than I’d least like to fucking know if I ever had a chance in the first place.

#jmsanswers

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hotsterfield · 6 years

Text

Typical Me pt. 2 - Harrison Osterfield

Word Count: 4398

summery: You go to London to celebrate the New Year, but a blue eyed guy messes up all of your plans.

Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

A/N: I’m warning you guys, this one contains some (poorly written) smut. And yeah. There’s at least one more part! So tell me what you think, and just write me a message if you want to be on the taglist! I hope you guys enjoy this one, and please tell me what you think! I’ve had this one planned for a while now!

31st of december

You had spent most of the night switching between making out and just talking. When you finally fell asleep, Harrison couldn’t. He just held you close, and placed small kisses in your hair. Much later than you, he managed to fall asleep, and a smile stayed on his lips.

This was how Tom found you, close to noon next day. You were still wearing the makeup from last night, and Harrison’s mouth and neck, was covered in the lipstick that had previously been on your lips. Tom couldn’t help but take a picture of his sleeping friend. Harrison had done the same to him, so why not get some payback?

“Guys! There’s 13 hours left of this year. Time to get up. We have to pick up food and stuff” Tom said loudly, after having placed his phone safely in his pocket.

When you opened your eyes, you saw Tom leaning against the doorframe. He had a smug smile on his face, and you tried to hide your face in Harrison’s chest.

“What are you guys doing for New Years? Do you have any plans?” You asked. Your words got a bit muffled against Harrison’s skin, but it was still understandable.

“The same as last year. We’re going to get some food, and smoke a cigar. Then we’ll watch the fireworks from here, because we got one of the best views in all of London. Then we’ll meet up with some friends and go for drinks. Properly with my brothers, since they’re actually 18 now” Tom said, as Harrison started moving a bit.

“Yeah. Food, cigar, fireworks, drinks. Perfect way to enter a new year” He mumbled, before even opening his eyes. “Good morning, by the way”

“What do you want me to do?” You asked, as you sat up.

“First off, I think you need get yourself. And Haz. Cleaned up a little” Tom commented, as you took a better look at Harrison. The color of your cheeks almost matched the color of your lipstick, on Harrison’s neck.

“What are you talking about?” Harrison asked with a tired voice.

“You got some. Uh. Lipstick. On your neck” You said, a wide smile on your lips. There was something about it, that made him look hot.

“It’s not really your color, Haz. Oh, and since I picked up the food last year, you get to do it this year. So if you don’t mind, I’m going to borrow your girlfriend to decorate this place a little” Tom winked, as he left the bedroom.

“Girlfriend? That’s not. We’re not. I mean. I wouldn’t mind. But no” You said flustered. “It’s too soon, right?”

“Yeah. Totally. Way too soon. I wouldn’t mind either, but. Too soon” Harrison was just about as flustered as you, and you felt yourself biting your lip.

“We should. Maybe get up?” You said, getting up from the bed. “I’ll just take a shower, if that’s alright with you?”

“Yeah. Sure. I’ll just. Yeah” He managed to get out, as you found something to wear in your bag, and walked into the bathroom. Your ankle was doing much better today, but you were still limping a bit.

You didn’t bother to lock the door. Harrison didn’t dare go in there, when he knew you were taking a shower, and you for some reason, you just assumed Tom wouldn’t either. While you were washing your hair, you heard the door open. The glass to the shower wasn’t clear, so they couldn’t see you, but they could very much see your silhouette, and that was enough to make you panick.

“Y/n! Harrison just left to pick up the food. He’ll be back in like an hour or two” Tom’s voice said, and you instinctively tried to cover your body with your arms.

“Any reason to why you need to tell me that, right now? That couldn’t wait till I got out of the shower?” You asked, the anxiety clear in your voice.

“I actually just wanted to tell you, that I think you should wear some fancy underwear. That sounded way less creepy in my head. What I’m trying to say is, there is so much sexual tension between the two of you, and I know it would turn Harrison so much on” Tom said, and you moved your head outside of the glass, so you could look at him. He was standing with his back against you, not even taking a little peak at you. “And that still sounds creepy, great job Tom”

“This is so awkward, and I’m not really that comfortable with being butt ass naked while you’re in the room. Give me. 5 minutes, and I’ll be out. Then we’ll talk about my underwear situation” You said, as you put your head under the shower head once again.

***

“That was 7 minutes, but I forgive you” Tom said from the couch, as you left the bathroom.

“And I forgive you for walking into the bathroom while I was in the shower, to talk to me about my underwear” you fired back, as you limped your way to the couch. For now, you had decided to try without the crutches.

“Back to that. You’re a really nice girl, and I think Harrison really likes you. The whole night evening last night, I was just waiting for you guys to kiss each other, and I think you ended up doing just that. But the sexual tension is still there, and I know my best friend. He can’t not act on it, and I just want you to be prepared for that. Maybe even make sure that you feel really good about yourself too” He said, suddenly seeming serious.

“Are you always so involved in your friends’ sex life?” You asked, looking at him in utter surprise.

“No. Just with Harrison. And it’s because I really want this to work out. I mean, I love him, but sometimes he has a horrible taste in girls. You’re great, so I’m rooting for you. I’ve never seen him get a crush this fast” Tom smiled kindly, and you just shook your head.

“Well. I’ll tell right now that he is fully capable to not act on it. I really thought it was going to happen last night, I wanted it to happen, but he stopped. He said he wanted to do it right, and that it mattered. I’m flattered, but. I kinda just wanted it to happen” You had no clue to why you were sharing this with Tom, but you were. You were cursing at yourself as your mouth kept talking, giving Tom too much information.

“Just take control then! When he has talked to me about girls he’s been with, he’s the most excited about the girls who took control. Trust me, he like to the dominant one, but he’s a sucker for a girl who knows what she wants” Tom let out, and you couldn’t believe this situation was real.

“You do realize that this is so not normal, right? This is everything but normal. You shouldn’t know so much about his sex life! And you shouldn’t tell me! I think I appreciate it, because otherwise it might not happen tonight, but It’s really not normal” You looked at him without blinking, as you tried to get him to understand how strange this was. “Also, I didn’t bring any fancy underwear, because. This wasn’t exactly part of my plan?”

“There’s a lingerie shop nearby. I’ll get my brother to hold up Harrison, while we go shopping?” He offered. “Also. Are you still drunk from last night? Because this is way less awkward than I thought It would be”

“I’m pretty sure I am, yeah”

***

As you stood in the changing room, looking at your reflection in the red lingerie set, you started to feel insecure. What if Harrison didn’t like the naked you? You didn’t feel comfortable or sexy in this set, so why would he think you were?

“Do you have it on?” Tom asked. When you said yes, he put his head inside the changing room, making you jump in surprise.

“Yeah, but I don’t like it. It’s the right size, but it’s not a very good fit” You admitted, already it off, and moving on to the next set. It was a pink set, with a cute little bow. When you put it on, you realized just how much push up was in the bra. You feels like your boobs was pushed up to your neck, and you quickly moved on to the next one.

Why was it so hard to buy underwear? Everything looked quite in the store, but when you put in on, it was never right. Wither the band was a little too tight, and you didn’t like the fold it made in your skin. Just as you felt like giving up, Tom handed you a set.

It was a simple set. It was just black with black lace. The bra was strapless, but still fit you perfectly. Tom had given you a matching thong that you decided you weren’t going to try on. It was mostly lace, and it only covered what it needed too. Even with just the bra on, you felt like this was the set. It was comfortable, and you liked what you saw in your reflection.

“Y/n, I’m coming in” Tom said, as he hurried into the changing room

“What are you doing?!” You whisper yelled, looking at him with wide eyes.

“You look hot in that. If Harrison wasn’t my best friend, I would totally try to steal you from him” He commented, giving you an approving nod.

“Do you think he’ll like it?” You asked, the insecurity coming back. You were far from an underwear model, and he had properly been with girls much prettier than you.

“I know he’ll love it” Tom smiled to you in the mirror.

“I think this is the one then” You smiled widely, before giving Tom a soft push. “Now get the hell out of here, because you’re being wired again”

***

As the evening got closer, you all changed to some more formal clothes. Tom and Harrison was both wearing a suit. Tom was wearing a bowtie, but Harrison wore a slim tie. You on the other hand, had had a dress prepared from home, and you were going to wear that.

It was a simple dress, in a navy blue. It went to just below your knees. It was tight around your chest, and a band made it fit your waist perfectly. The skit of the dress loosely fell down alongside your hips. If you spun around, the fabric would go straight out to the side. You felt like a princess going to the ball. You had decided to wear a pair of heels. It was a short boot, so it managed to support your ankle just fine. The final piece to the puzzle, was the red lipstick on your lips. It was the same from last night, and if things went the way you wanted them to, the lipstick wouldn’t just be on your lips.

Tom and Harrison was already preparing the dinner and setting the table. The food was already made, so they only preparing they needed to do, was heat it. You had a feeling that they might actually manage to screw that up, so as soon as you were done getting ready, you entered the kitchen to check on everything.

“Y/n?” You heard Harrison say. You turned around to face him, waiting for him to say something. After a couple of seconds, he finally opened his mouth. “I forgot what I wanted to say. I’m sorry. You looked really amazing. And I think you actually made me forget what I wanted to say”

You felt the heat rise up to your cheeks, as you blushed. You couldn’t quite find the words to respond with, so you just stood there, smiling like a fool.

“He wanted to ask what you wanted to drink. And if you wanted to join us with a cigar later tonight” Tom said, as he walked up behind Harrison.

“Oh. I’m fine with just water. I want to remember the whole night, so I’m skipping the alcohol tonight. And no cigar. I don’t smoke” You smiled, walking towards the dining table.

“Neither do we. It’s just a new years tradition. One of the only nights we smoke” Harrison explained, as he pulled out your chair.

“I know. A lot of my friends does it too. I just don’t want to ruin my lungs” You smiled, as you sat down at the table.

“I hardly doubt that one cigar is going to ruin your lungs. Tom even bought the good ones this year” Harrison said, as he sat down next to you.

“I think I’ll pass. I can’t even smoke a whole cigarette when I’m drunk, so I’ll never make my way thought a cigar” You said, as Tom sat down across from you.

“You get a blow of mine, if you’d like” Harrison said, not realizing how wrong that sounded in your head. If you were going to be honest, you properly wouldn’t mind giving him a blow, but you weren’t going to be that forward. Not while sober, and most definitely not in front of Tom.

“We’ll see. Maybe” You tried your hardest not to smirk, not even considering the cigar anymore. You just wanted to follow up from last night, and every time you looked at Harrison that feeling only grew stronger.

The night went on perfectly. You sat for several hours, just talking while you ate. You remembered what Harrison said, about not wanting to have sex while drunk, so you stayed away from the alcohol all night. After an hour, Harrison realized what you were doing, and he didn’t even touch the wine after that. Tom noticed, but decided not to say anything.

Around 22:30, you started to clear out the table, as the boys went into Tom’s bedroom to smoke their cigars. As you walked past the open door, you caught a glimpse of Harrison with the cigar in his mouth. Him sitting there, in suit and tie, with a cigar, reminded you of a 1930’s mafia boss. It’s something that you never thought would turn you on, but it most definitely did.

It didn’t take you long to put the dishes in the dishwasher, and as soon as the kitchen looked almost clean, you went in to join the boys. They had taken a sweat in the two chairs Tom had in his room. You could’ve just sat on the bed, but you decided to walk to Harrison, and just sit on his lap.

“Y/n, you know. We could get you another chair” Tom commented, and you and Harrison just looked at each other.

“Are you comfortable?” He asked you, a slick smile on his lips.

“Yeah. What about you?” You tried to hold back a laugh, and it caused you to smirk.

“I’ve got a pretty girl on my lap. You could be stabbing me, and I still wouldn’t complain” His eyes drifted between your eyes and your lips, but before he even had the chance to make a move, you made it for him. With a hand wrapped around his tie, you pulled him in for a quick kiss. The taste of the cigar filled your mouth, but you didn’t mind.

“I swear to god, if you guys keep making out, I will find another chair, so you’re not sitting that close” Tom said, making you break the kiss.

“You’re just mad because you’re alone” Harrison fired, making you giggle.

***

When the clock hit 23:30, Tom was getting restless. You were still sitting comfortably on Harrisons lap. When he had finished his cigar, he had wrapped his arms around you, holding you close to his body.

“This has been great, but I’ve promised my mother that I would enter the new year with her, so I’m going to leave you guys now. I won’t be back for at least two hours, so. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, I guess” Tom said, before he quickly left, leaving you and Harrison on your own.

“You know the big window in my room? With the view on London eye? I thought we could watch the fireworks from there” Harrison said, still holding on to you.

“Sounds good to me” You whispered in his ear. You enjoyed being this close to him. Something about him made you feel safe.

“Hang on” He said, as he put one of his arms under your legs, and carefully lifted you. You put your arms around his neck, with your head still resting against his chest. When you entered his bedroom, he placed you on the bed. Lifted his duvet, and placed it on the floor. He moved on, and put some blanket there as well, and you couldn’t help but smile.

“Are you going to kill me now? Isn’t that what you said a couple of days ago” You smiled, as he finally turned his attention to you. With just a few steps, he was with you again, gracefully lifting you, and laying you down on the duvet.

“That was before I started to fall in love with you” He said in a loving tone, as he let himself fall on top of you. He held his weight on his arms. One of his legs were placed between yours, and he just looked at you with those lovely blue eyes.

“What is your plan then? There still 20 minutes till midnight, so aren’t we a bit early?” You asked, as your started to feel a little nervous. Harrison’s eyes drifted to your lips, as you started biting it. Him being so close to you, made you nervous, but it was a good nervous.

“I think it’s just enough time” He whispered, as he leaned down to kiss you. The butterflies in your stomach started going crazy, and your hands went up to his tie. You pulled him closer to you, desperate to feel him close to you.

He was quick to flip the two of you around, so he was laying under you. You placed a knee on each side of his hips, holding most of your weight on your legs. You deepened the kiss, while your body automatically grinded against his. You could feel him growing under you, and it only added to the passion in the kiss.

You broke the kiss, and stood up. He pushed himself up to his elbows, and kept his gaze on you, as you started to slowly take off your dress. When you were left in just your underwear, his eyes grew a bit, while he licked his lips.

“Damn” Was all he could say, as you made your way down on the duvet again. Once again you pulled his tie, this time pulling him up to a sitting position, before connecting your lips once again. While your lips were busy with his, your hands started working on his clothes. Before long, the jacket was tossed across the room, and your fingers were fiddling with the buttons of his shirt.

When you had opened the last button, he broke the kiss to take of the shirt and tie. His mouth found its way to your neck, where he left a trail of soft kisses. You moved your head to the side, giving him more space. When he started sucking on your sensitive skin, you let out a moan, which made him smile against your neck.

“I think I just found my favorite sound” He said in a raspy voice. He pulled back, so he could look you in the eye, and you took the chance to gentle push him down on his back, as you stood up once more. When he pushed himself up on his elbows again, he saw you removing your underwear, leaving just in your heels. You moved back down to your spot over him, and this time he couldn’t wait anymore.

He flipped you around, leaving on your back, as he got up and undressed himself, and put on a condom. While he was standing, you took your time to really look at him. The tone core, that moved down to barely visible v-line. Your eyes kept going down, and you were far from disappointed with what you saw.

He moved down on his knees, but he didn’t hover over you, like you had done with him. He was sitting between your legs, and you spread your legs to give him more room. His head moved down, and he placed light kisses along your inner thigh, and he slowly made his way up your body. You closed your eyes, as your breathing started to get harder, and allowed yourself to melt into his touch.

As he made his way up your stomach, you suddenly felt his cool finger on your clit. He gently moved his finger around, causing you to let out another moan. It didn’t take long, before you felt his fingers moving inside you, and you started moving your lower body to feel more of him. His mouth coming close to your breasts, and he carefully started nibbling on sensitive skin. Your breathing was increasing, and you mind couldn’t focus. The pleasure from his mouth and fingers blurring your mind, and it felt like the rest of the world didn’t exist.

“Are you ready, love?” He asked, removing his mouth from your breast, and moving closer to your mouth. His fingers were still working their magic, and you just gave him a nod. Your blurred mind couldn’t find the words, but it didn’t need to. He positioned himself, and another moan escaped your lips as he entered you. He worked in a slow pace, that gradually got faster, and you felt yourself moving along with him. The room was filled with both of your moans, as you both got closer to a climax.

“Oh, god” Harrison moaned, as his thrusts started to become a bit sloppy. You arched your back, as you reached your high, your body tensing up, driving Harrison over the edge with you. Just before his last thrust, the first fireworks went off, reminding you of the new year.

After the both of you came, he let himself fall down beside you. You were both trying to catch your breath, as you looked at each other. You smiled widely, before rolling onto your stomach, so you could see the firework. Harrison got up, threw away the condom, and placed a blanket over you, before joining you under it.

“That was” He started, but he lost his words while he looked at you, captivated by the beauty of the lights in the sky.

“Amazing” You finished, as you looked to your side, to see something even more beautiful that the firework. “We definitely entered the new year with a bang”

1st of January

You had gone to sleep in just your thong, and one of Harrison’s t-shirts and he had slept in just a pair of boxers. His arms had been around you all night, and when the morning came along, none of you wanted to leave the bed. You had woken up around 9, so for 2 hours you had just been talking, which sometimes got interrupted by a kiss.

“I really enjoyed last night” He said, looking at you with those loving eyes. “I don’t know how, but I somehow managed to fall in love with you in 4 days”

“You’re not the only one, and it really sucks” You had a sad smile on your lips, as the reality hit you. In less than 24 hours, you would be on a plane going home. Your plane at 8 tonight, and you needed to be at the airport a few hours before departure.

“What are you talking about?” He asked, the sad expression in his eyes breaking his heart.

“I’m going home tonight. You’re the first guy I really like, and I can’t be with you” You explained, as he pulled you even closer to him.

“Can’t you stay? Just a couple of days more?” He asked, and you wished you were able to say yes.

“I have to get back for school. I can’t stay. I might transfer to a school in London to summer, but then I need to keep my grades up” You didn’t want to leave. You just wanted to stay in your bubble. You just wanted to stay here, where you felt completely safe.

“We’ll keep in touch. It seems like forever, but I think I can wait for you till the summer. I want to at least try” He said, making your heart melt a little. A guy, whom you’ve only known for 4 days, was willing to wait over 6 months for you.

“Deal”

***

You felt a lump in your throat, as you hugged Harrison goodbye. Him and Tom had driven you to the airport, and now you had to say goodbye. You were wearing one of his hoodies. He had insisted that you kept it, so you did.

You had spent the whole day in bed, cuddling while watching movies. You had tried to distract yourself from the fact that you were leaving. You knew that you were coming back, but it just seemed so far into the future.

As you were standing there, his arms around you, not yet ready to let go, your felt the words form in your mouth. The reasonable part of you knew it was much too soon, but the words still left your mouth. You had never fallen so hard, and so fast for someone, and just like in every love song, you felt like he might be the one.

“I think I love you” You whispered, as you felt your eyes getting wetter.

“Good, because I’m getting pretty sure that I love you” He said, as a sad laugh left him. You knew the clock was ticking, and that you couldn’t drag out the time any longer. You said your final goodbyes, and you promised to text him as soon as you landed. As you got on the plane, realization hit you.

“I never got his number”

TAGLIST:

@rock-n-roll-queens @m-sterre @exclusively-inclusive@rock-n-roll-queens @exclusively-inclusive @behxndthemask@stephie-senpai @gaiasambuci @legendarydazekitten @never-surrender-yourself

#harrison osterfield #harrison osterfield imagine #harrison osterfield x reader #harrison osterfield smut #tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland smut #peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #spiderman #spider man #spiderman imagine #spider man imagine #spiderman x reader #Typical Me

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stellardeer · 3 years

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been watching "You" lately because my roommate put it on, and I had avoided it previously because I'd heard some negative things about it from people on here (it's told from the perspective of a man stalking a woman in the beginning which made me uncomfortable at first but i kept watching anyway and got sucked in), I wouldn't recommend it to teenagers but the writing is really compelling and it's really good if you like shows that make you go 'WHAT is gonna happen next??'

(more opinion/possible spoilers under cut)

(cw: stalking, killing, [unrelated to show] sexual assault mention) The reason I say that it's not for teenagers is because the show does kind of normalize the stalking/murdering to a degree, to an extent that might put wrong ideas into the heads of younger people who are still learning and developing. And I use the word "normalize" instead of "romanticize" or "glorify" because the show does repeatedly remind you that none of the main character's actions are okay, the response from all of the other characters is negative, none of the characters are going "aww it's okay what you did because you did it for love :)", which I believe is where the line is crossed when writers intend to make a negative behavior seem good. When I say "normalize", I mean that they're giving his perspective on his actions through his inner monologue, and his attempts to explain everything away and make it rational definitely give off the idea of like "People who do bad things are damaged too and not necessarily the monsters we think they are" and maybe even a little bit of "what if i stalk and kill people as a coping mechanism?? :(" And that's maybe not an idea that we want to be putting into the heads of young, impressionable people. Not saying that adults can't be affected too, but I think that it's less likely to change the mind of an adult, unless someone already thinks that way in which case they might just feel validated.

THAT BEING SAID THOUGH, I'm recommending this show because I think the storytelling and directing is phenomenal from a purely technical standpoint, disregarding the content. If you like shows with crime/mystery or just any story that leaves you wanting more, then it's a good show for those reasons. I don't necessarily think that it is the responsibility of the entertainment industry to show us 100% wholesome content at all times, and if there are already adults out there who think like "what i'm doing is fine because i'm doing it for the right reasons", then I don't think that avoiding showing that perspective in fiction is going to reverse that thinking. It's true that it may make it harder for people to justify their own actions if they never feel validated by a piece of fiction, and if you believe that is the right way to handle media then I can't really argue with that and I understand why you wouldn't support a story like this. I'm not trying to say "We should be promoting this show on every billboard across the world!" I'm just 1 person recommending this to my few meager followers who might actually even read this post, who may or may not enjoy media that depicts crime/violence.

If you've read this far and you have decided that this piece of media is not for you, then I definitely understand that, especially if you're someone who has experienced interpersonal violence of that kind, it could be very triggering. The first episode opens with the main character/narrator meeting a woman and then immediately stalking her for what I think is several weeks? (timeline slightly unknown) And the first season ends (spoiler alert, skip to next paragraph to avoid) with him murdering that same woman in what could be considered a crime of passion. It's terrifying to watch as a woman/woman-adjacent person. It makes you feel like nothing and no one is safe. I felt the same way about 13 Reasons Why in the end when (also spoiler, but not for 'You') the character who committed multiple sexual assaults WENT TO TRIAL was NOT convicted despite being FOUND GUILTY, it was infuriating and triggering to me, so if you have had a stalker and don't think that you could watch a show in which a stalker/murderer basically gets away with it (altho i dont fully know since it isn't over yet), then I would not recommend this for you either!

NOW FINALLY ON TO WHY YOU MIGHT LIKE IT, contains minor spoilers about general content but no specifics This is not a show like Hannibal or Dexter, about a serial killer who can't stop himself (I haven't watched those shows so sorry if I'm wrong). It's a show about a quote-unquote seemingly "normal" guy who essentially accidentally let his life get a little out of control, but ends up repeating the same patterns every time he thinks that he's out of the woods. Which, who knows, maybe he IS just like Hannibal or Dexter, who probably also think that what they're doing is justified somehow. But in 'You' this character is not someone who seeks to harm people, he doesn't want to harm anyone, he usually doesn't even plan to harm someone it just happens in the moment but he doesn't know what to do about it after. His goal is not to harm, his goal is love, and he ends up harming people who get in his way of his love.

I will say that I was put off by the first couple episodes because this man is just obsessively watching this woman from afar and claiming it's because he wants to make sure she's worth it before trying to date her, and I kept watching because I'm like "surely this will end poorly for him. surely justice will be served", and after a couple episodes and the twists and turns that ensue, I'm like.. well it's not ending in justice necessarily but what the FUCK is happening I need to see where this will go.

And then things get worse and you think "Well surely NOW he will get caught and there will be consequences??"

And somehow there are still no consequences. And eventually you find yourself (I use general 'you' because my roommate agrees) not necessarily rooting for him, not in a sense of "Wow I hope you get what you want and every bad thing you did is justified and never discovered and you live happily ever after (:" but it's more like... "Please just stop doing bad things. Please this one time just walk away and don't do the wrong thing. You can still salvage this. It's not too late in this one instance. REALLY you should be turning yourself in for what you've done, but it's not too late to avoid doing more harm!"

Which, again, is where it may get kind of dangerous, since even I went from "Wow this guy is fucked, i hate him and anyone like him and they should all die" to "Okay I get that you're messed up, but can you just fucking stop?" Throughout the series I just keep turning to my roommate and basically reminding myself out loud "he killed people, wtf" The show doesn't really let you forget, either. Again, it's not like the writers of the show want you to forget what he did and forgive him and let him be happy, they repeatedly remind you that he has done unspeakable harms, and then just when you think it's over and the jig is up, he manages to make it out unscathed.

If you've seen Death Note, it's very similar to the way that's written. In Death Note, you get Light's inner monologue. You almost want to support him because he's convinced HIMSELF that what he's doing is right and hearing his perspective almost convinces YOU that he shouldn't be punished for what he's doing. Death Note is a little different because Light is trying to "save the world" whereas the MC of You is just trying to fall in love, so you might find it harder to sympathize. However, the storytelling is pretty much the same. And what happened to Light? Justice caught up with him. He got what he ultimately deserved, no matter how much you might have wanted to root for him. It's a little harder to root for the MC of 'You' because his end goal is not as "noble" as "ridding the world of evil" or whatever, but I think that's better. It's easier to hate and fear him, especially if you feel like it's something that could happen to anyone. It's something that could happen to you. Which is why I think they chose the name 'You' for the show. For that matter, the you could even be the main character. He just seems like a normal guy. He's just trying his best to survive and make meaningful connections like anyone else. This could be 'You', given the right(wrong) circumstances.

Anyway, I've written a whole lot, glad I put it under a cut, but if you've paid attention to my blog at all you'll probably know that I don't normally talk about media too often on my blog, I'm not too much into "fandoms" or ranting and raving about the stuff I like, so I feel like the fact that I feel compelled to tell other people "omg have you seen You?? can we please talk about wtf is happening in this show??" is honestly reason enough for me to recommend to others and say "it's good!"

But I felt like all these caveats were necessary! Because I do remember seeing a lot of negative reactions from Tumblr users when the show first came out due to the nature of the content and its presentation. If the story were told from the perspective of the women, it would be a horror story. In fact, it wouldn't even be a horror story until the very end when the love-interest finally discovers what's been going on. It would be more like a boring love story until you finally found out "omg he was stalking her? how disgusting!" But that's how it is in real life, too. Real life horror stories aren't always actually horrible until it's too late. You often don't see the atrocities coming when they're committed by someone who you know and trust. That's how the majority of traumas/tragedies go.

By telling it from the bad dude's perspective you get an interesting story, you see how scary it can really be, you see how easily someone's good intentions and average crime-free life can turn sour by a few poorly calculated emotionally-driven decisions. You see how the trauma is created from the actions of authority/parental figures. There is a repeated theme throughout the show of neglected children, and the the people that they can become when it goes unchecked. I feel like that biggest takeaway from the show is that every child should be shown love and kindness. Lest they grow up to be fucking serial killers.

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