#phoebe really popped off with that one huh | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ichorai · 1 year

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blueberries ; five.

pairing ; joey tribbiani x gn!reader x rachel green chapter synopsis ; the one with accidental love confessions, friendly one night stands, and marinara sauce. wc ; 10.0k warnings / includes ; talks of sex/suggestive content, cursing, ross is an asshole in this one, a tiny connor cameo, rachel is a mess </3 and joey finally Realizes how he feels !!

series masterlist. main masterlist.

“I’ll pay you back this time, I promise!” Joey begged, clasping his hands together with a pleading pout.

With a sigh, Chandler pulled his wallet out, slapping a crisp, five dollar bill onto the table. “Yeah? Where’s all this money coming from, then?”

Lowering his voice, Joey leaned forward to whisper, “I’m helpin’ out at the NYU Med School with some… research.”

Obviously not whispering quietly enough, the entire group turned to him, interests piqued.

“What kind of research?” you asked, which made Joey flinch and snap his head to you.

“Oh, uh… just… you know! Science, and stuff.”

The rest of you stared at him with skeptical expressions.

“Science?” parroted Ross. “Hm, don’t think I’ve heard of that one.”

Relenting, Joey sank lower into the cafe’s seat. “Alright, alright—it’s a fertility study.”

Snorting, Monica chimed, “Please tell me you’re only donating your time.” The rest of you chuckled along with her.

“Come on, you guys, it’s not that big of a deal,” huffed Joey. “Really, I just go down there every other day and… make my contribution to the project. At the end of two weeks, I’ll get seven hundred bucks!”

“Wow,” said Phoebe. “You’re gonna be making money hand over fist!”

You choked on your sip of coffee, and Chandler had to sympathetically pound your back to get you to stop.

It was Rachel’s birthday, and you were in Monica’s kitchen, helping her chop up some vegetables for the birthday barbecue the group was throwing. Joey and Chandler strode in shortly after, reenacting cavemen with stupid accents.

“Hey,” you interrupted, which made the two freeze mid-chest pound. “Your girlfriend called, Joe. She’s gonna be late.”

A couple days ago, Joey and Melanie started casually dating. Though, much to your dismay, he seemed to really like her. Not that you didn’t want Joey to be happy or anything… you just weren’t all that fond of Melanie. She was rather dull, if you had to put it bluntly. All she really seemed to care about were fruit baskets and, from what Joey’s told you, sex.

“How’s it going with her?” Phoebe queried. “Is she becoming your special someone?”

A grin crossed over Joey’s features. “I don’t know, she’s… she’s pretty great!”

“Yeah, pretty great with fruit baskets,” you mumbled under your breath, loud enough for Joey to catch.

“Sure, she can be a bit… one-dimensional, but it’s been going really well!” he defended, grabbing a piece of carrot from your cutting board and popping it into his mouth.

Monica grinned. “Yeah? What’s she think of your little science project?”

Joey scoffed at the notion. “You really think I’m gonna tell a girl I like that I’m also seein’ a cup?” Sighing, he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Tough thing is, she really wants to have sex with me.”

Taking a swig of beer, Chandler sardonically noted, “Crazy bitch.”

You rolled your eyes. “She cornered me the other day asking if I’ve ever slept with you, you know.”

Stiffening, Joey tilted his head. “What? What did you say?”

“Obviously, I told her no!” you shot back. “I asked her why, and she said she thought we were together at one point and thereby assumed we’ve had sex, so she wanted my advice, because you always seemed to push her away.”

The Italian crossed his arms in thought. “Huh. Weird.”

“Hm, I wonder why she thought the two of you were together at one point,” Chandler postulated, staring pointedly at Joey.

“What happened then?” Phoebe asked.

“What do you think happened?” you sighed, washing your hands off and flicking the excess water away once you were done chopping up the vegetables. “She sent me a fruit basket.”

The two girls snickered.

“Hey, why haven’t you slept with her yet?” Monica tilted her head at Joey. “Normally, you don’t last the first night with someone you’re going out with.”

“Well, I’ve still got a week left to go on the program, and according to the rules, if I want to get the money, I’m not allowed to conduct any personal experiments, if you know what I mean,” he said.

Twisting her face with disgust, Monica shook her head. “Joey, we always know what you mean.”

A part of you wanted to say that having sex really didn’t affect sperm count in the long run—you’d known thanks to an ex-boyfriend of yours who had been a urologist—but, much to your surprise, you bit your tongue and withheld the information.

Chandler and Joey were off to the balcony to start the grill’s fire, and not long after, Ross appeared through the door, looking despondent. He was clutching a large bag that looked nearly twice your weight.

“Woah,” said Phoebe. “How long did you think this barbecue was going to last?”

The tall man blew out a long exhale. “I’m going to China,” he mumbled, setting the bag down with a loud thud.

“What?” his sister asked. “You’re going to China?”

“It’s for the museum!” replied Ross. “Someone found a bone, we want the bone, and they don’t want us to have the bone—so I’m going to try to persuade them to give it to us—really, it’s a whole big boner thing. I shouldn’t have said boner. You get what I mean.”

Narrowing your eyes, you hummed, “Maybe if they found it in China, don’t you think it should stay there with the Chinese? I mean, it’s rightfully theirs.”

Ross was about to counter, mouth hanging open, but found no words to argue with.

You rolled your eyes. “Gosh, Ross, you’ll be just as bad as the British Museum stealing from people of color. Way to go.”

You turned, about to march away from him, but he called out after you, “I’m gonna be gone for a week! Won’t you at least say goodbye?”

“Bye!” you barked out, striding out to the balcony with Chandler and Joey.

“Hey, you okay? You look all…” Chandler trailed off to impersonate a snarl and raised his hands to form claws.

“Charming as ever, my dear Chandler. It’s a wonder you’re still single,” you mock-sighed dreamily, leaning against him and batting your eyelashes. The two of you laughed, and you pulled away. “Ross is going to China.”

Joey’s eyebrows rose. “The country?”

“No, the broken pile of dishes in his mom’s yard,” Chandler sarcastically quipped.

“Yeah, and he’s being a real dick,” you muttered, crossing your arms.

It was then that Ross peeked his head through the window, stepping out with mild difficulty due to his gangly limbs.

“Did Y/N tell you guys I’m going to China?” he asked, which earned him a sharp glare from you. The other two men nodded their heads. “Also, do you guys know who Carl is?”

“Hm, let’s see—Alvin, Simon, Theodore… nope, ‘fraid I don’t know him,” said Chandler.

Ross pulled a sour face. “Apparently Rachel’s out having drinks with him.”

“Oh, no, how can she do that when she’s never shown any interest in you whatsoever?” said Joey, and you high-fived him with an amused chortle.

Sick of Ross moping around and pining over Rachel, Chandler admonished, “Just forget about her, man! You’ve been stuck in the friendzone for way too long for anything to happen.”

“He’s right,” added Joey. “Please, just move on. Go to China, eat Chinese food!”

“I don’t know… I guess I have no choice,” Ross lamented, fiddling with the small, wrapped gift. “Listen, Y/N, I know you’re pissed at me, but will you please make sure Rachel gets this? And that she knows it’s from me?”

Rolling your eyes, you snatched the gift from him and tucked it safely into the pockets of your baggy jeans, refusing to meet his gaze. “When does your plane leave?”

“In two hours, but I should get going now if I wanna catch it.”

“Well, bye then. Travel safely.”

“I don’t want to leave knowing you’re mad—”

You blew out a deep sigh. “It’s fine, Ross. Just go. We’re fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“Really? Because it doesn’t—”

“Just go!” the other two guys exclaimed, shooing Ross out. The taller man relented, and climbed back into the apartment.

Joey wrapped his arms around you from behind, and you suddenly felt uncomfortable. Sure, it was alright when he wasn’t dating anyone but now, knowing that he was doing this with you when he had a girlfriend he very much liked—it made your chest feel tight, like a large stone was weighing down on your lungs.

“Yikes, that was hard to watch. Remind me not to get on your bad side,” he said, amused.

“You have, Joey.”

“Remind me not to get on your bad side again,” he clarified.

Clearing his throat, Chandler propped his hands on his hips. “Hey, lovebirds. Are we going to get the fire started, or what?”

“Anyway, that’s when me and my friends started this fruit-basket business!” explained Joey’s girlfriend, who was precariously perched on his lap and gesturing wildly with her hands. “We call ourselves The Three Basketeers.”

Awkwardly, the rest of you let out a couple of forced chuckles. You had to swallow down the urge to roll your eyes.

“Can we open my presents now?” Rachel whined, bouncing in her spot with excitement. Normally, you would’ve wanted to have dinner first and save presents for last, but you were eager to get away from the topic of fruit baskets.

The group headed over to the couches, but you held Joey back, a small smile across your lips.

“Hold on there, hot shot. How’s it going, how are you holding up with Melanie?” you asked, genuinely curious.

Joey winced. “Ugh, not so good, to be honest. She thinks tonight’s the night we’re gonna complete the transaction, if you know what I mean.”

“Yes, I know what you mean, Jo,” you bit out, rolling your eyes. “Well, have you ever thought about… you know, just giving instead of receiving?”

There was a brief moment of silence. “What do you mean?” His voice lowered, and he leaned closer to you.

Cocking an eyebrow, you whispered, “Well, there’s oral, there’s fingering, there’s thigh riding… toys work too, if you’ve got any of those. Which, if you don’t, I know for a fact Chandler has some.”

The man across from you ogled you with wide eyes. “Oh. Oh.”

“Just think about it, okay? I promise, she’ll be completely smitten with you by the time you’re done.”

You were just about to head to the couches to watch Rachel open her gifts before he loosely caught your wrist.

“Thanks,” he said, wholly sincere. You smiled at him, patting his cheek affectionately, before heading off. A second later, he called out, “Wait, why do you know that Chandler has sex toys?!”

“I’m gonna take a wild guess here,” said the birthday girl, holding a fruit basket, “this is from Melanie?”

Joey’s girlfriend clapped excitedly, just about to launch into a tirade about the perfectly curated fruits she had selected, but was promptly interrupted when Rachel grabbed another gift.

“Ooh, this one’s light. It rattles… it’s—” She pulled a box out of the bag. “Travel scrabble.”

Joey and Chandler grinned at each other, but you could already see the disappointment in Rachel’s eyes.

“Thanks,” she said, dryly, before shoving the box to the side, much to Chandler’s dismay.

The rest of the presents were opened one by one—Monica had gotten Rachel a cute blouse that you just knew she would return for a different piece later, Phoebe got her about a dozen charm bracelets, claiming she didn’t know which one Rachel would like the most, so she just got her all of them, and Joey got her a Dr. Seuss book, much to her dismay. Rachel got around to your bag, which held a pack of scented candles, and bundles of fairy lights for her to hang in her room.

She looked pretty happy with those, which made you sigh out in relief. Rachel was a bit hard to get gifts for, considering she already had practically everything.

Finally, you pulled out Ross’ gift from your pocket, handing it to her. “Here, Rach. This is from Ross.”

The brunette grinned, tearing the little package open thinking it’d be something nerdy, like a magnifying glass or a miniature dinosaur figure from the museum.

“Oh, my God,” she said when she finally opened it. “He remembered!”

You peered over to see a large, bejeweled pin held precariously between her fingers.

“Remembered what?” Phoebe asked.

“It was like, months ago, we were walking by this antique store, and I saw this exact pin in the window and I told him it was just like the one my grandmother had when I was a little girl—and… oh, I just can’t believe he got it for me!”

Chandler scoffed. “Sure, it’s nice, but can you play it on a plane?” he drummed his hands along the Travel Scrabble box, before sinking further into his seat when you glared at him.

“Oh, it’s so pretty,” Phoebe chimed when Rachel reached out to give her a closer look. “That must’ve cost him a fortune!”

“I can’t believe he got you that,” said Monica.

“What, Ross? Remember in college when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?” Chandler commented, completely unaware of what he’d just said.

The rest of you stared at him with wide eyes.

“What did you just say?” whispered Rachel.

It took a second for Chandler to realize where he’d gone wrong. He sat upright, spluttering and coughing out simultaneously, “Crystal duck?”

“No,” Rachel said. “No, no… the, uhm, the ‘love’ part?”

Chandler struggled to find his tongue, eventually giving up and sinking his face into his hands.

“Oh, my God,” Rachel softly whispered. “This is just… this is unbelievable! I just—I can’t believe Ross is… oh, my God. This is huge.”

“No, it’s not! It’s small, it’s tiny, it’s petite, it’s wee!” Chandler pleaded, trying to get her to calm down.

“I think this is so great,” said Monica, clasping her hands together. “I mean, you and Ross! Did you have any idea?”

Still stunned, Rachel shook her head. “No, none at all. I mean, my first night in the city, he mentioned something about asking me out, but nothing ever happened, so I just…” She turned to you. “What else did he say? Does he want to go out with me?”

“Considering that he’s desperately in love with you, I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess that he wouldn’t mind getting a cup of coffee, or something,” you replied, grasping her shoulders. “Listen, Rachel, don’t freak out about this. Take some time to think it over, and you can talk to Ross when he gets back.”

All of a sudden, she jerked away from you, standing up. “What do you mean when he gets back? Where is he? I need to talk to him!”

“He’s in China!” Chandler stepped in.

“The country,” Joey clarified.

Checking the flight information, Monica told her, “His flight doesn’t leave for another forty-five minutes.”

“What about the time difference?” cried Chandler, desperate to keep Rachel from confronting Ross, knowing that it was his fault that she knew in the first place.

“From here to the airport?” you asked, scoffing. “Rachel, he’ll be back in a week—that’s basically nothing! Just take this time to think it over—”

Already determinedly striding to the door, Rachel called over her shoulder, “I have to try and get to him before he goes. It’s just… too big to not talk about right now.”

“What are you gonna say?” asked Monica.

“I don’t know!” she replied, breathless.

Though you were still quite pissed with Ross, you put a hand on Rachel’s forearm. “Honey, if you’re going to break his heart, that can wait until after he’s back.”

Rachel’s eyes met yours, uncertain. “I don’t know,” she repeated. “Maybe I’ll know when I see him. All I know is that I can’t wait a week. This is just too big of something to sit on.”

More protests were on the tip of your tongue, but you held them down, well aware that your words would only fall upon deaf ears.

She already had a foot out the door when Chandler screamed, “Rachel, I love you! Deal with me first!”

Exasperated, Rachel huffed out a sigh, and stomped out the door, on her way to go see Ross.

She didn’t make it.

Ross had already gotten on the plane by the time Rachel arrived at the airport.

When she got back, Chandler and Joey and Melanie had already left, leaving just you, Phoebe, and Monica in the apartment. Monica had asked her again what she was planning on telling him when he got back. When Rachel finally admitted that the idea of dating Ross sounded really nice, Monica jumped up to wrap her arms around her, smiling widely.

“Oh, we’d be like friends-in-law!” she exclaimed, beaming. “The best part is that you already know everything about him! It’s like starting out on the fifteenth date.”

Phoebe countered, “Well, at the fifteenth date, you’re already in such a relationship-y place. You’re super committed at that point. You know, what happens if it doesn’t work out?”

“Why isn’t it working out?” Monica shot back, bristling. “Is he not cute enough for you? Does he not make enough money? Is there someone else?”

Rachel opened and closed her mouth several times, flubbering for words, before placatingly placing her hands on Monica’s shoulders. “Okay, Mon, you need to calm down. No, there is no one else.” Taking a pause, she looked to you. “Y/N, you’re the closest to Ross out of all of us. What do you think?”

Surprised at the sudden question, you could only offer her a gentle suggestion. “Rach, as much as I love the idea of two of my friends getting together—I just don’t think it’d be a good idea. Obviously, if you like him, you should go for it, but… think about it. You wouldn’t even be thinking twice about dating him if Chandler hadn’t let it slip that he loved you. Just think about your own feelings towards him—don’t get with him just because he loves you. That’s not fair to either of you.”

Though that wasn’t the answer that she was probably looking for, Rachel nodded, pursing her lips to the side. “Yeah. Okay. Thanks, Y/N. I’ll think about it.” She stood up, teeth worrying into her bottom lip. “I’m gonna go to bed now. Thank you for the party and the gifts, guys.”

With that, she turned and strode back into her room, softly shutting the door behind her.

“It was amazing!” Joey gushed, thanking you profusely. “That thing you told me about thigh-riding! Man, oh man!”

You huffed, setting down the sandwich you were having, not feeling very hungry anymore. “Too much information, Joe. I’m eating here!”

Your complaint falling upon deaf ears, he carried on, “It was just amazing. Not just for her—for me, too. It’s like, all of a sudden, I’m blind, but all my other senses are heightened, you know? It’s like I was able to appreciate it on another level.”

From beside you, Chandler snorted into his coffee. “I didn’t even know you had another level.”

“I know!” Joey exclaimed. “Neither did I! Say, Y/N, you have any more advice for me?”

If you went back in time a year ago and told your past-self that Joey Tribbiani came to you for sex advice, you would’ve laughed right in your future-self’s face.

“Praise goes a long way,” you said, absentmindedly toying with the bread of your sandwich. “Or degrade her, if she likes it better that way. A little hand action and some sweet talk is very effective. Now, can we stop talking about sex? I’m trying to have my lunch here!”

A week passed by in a breeze. You were in Monica’s apartment, listening to Joey and Chandler rave about the haircuts Phoebe had given them.

“You look nice,” you told Joey, reaching over to trace the freshly-cut strands. “Though, I do have to say that I’ll miss the long hair.”

“I’ll grow it out for you,” he promised, grasping your hand within his.

The door swung open then, and in tumbled an out-of-breath Rachel, who had a zebra-print plaster over her forehead.

“Airport! Airport!” she screeched, panting. “Ross… not alone! Julie—arm around her! Flowers! Oh, cramp! Cramp!” She clutched her side and doubled over in pain.

“Okay, I think she’s trying to tell us something!” Chandler sarcastically told the rest of the group. You shoved him to the side with a roll of your eyes and made your way to Rachel, gently asking if she was alright.

Completely ignoring your question, Rachel pointed an accusing finger at Chandler, jabbing it into his chest. “You said he liked me!” she shrieked. “You… you—!”

As if on cue, Ross strode into the open apartment, large bag in hand, and a woman on the other. Your eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“Why’d you run up so fast, Rach?” asked Ross, laughing slightly.

“I, uhm… I thought we were racing?” she replied, eye visibly twitching. You patted her shoulder sympathetically.

Shrugging off the weird response, Ross greeted the rest of you, giving his sister a hug, clapped Joey and Chandler on the backs, and gave Phoebe a kiss on the cheek. He stopped in front of you, spreading his arms sheepishly.

Though the two of you separated on not-so-great terms, you didn’t have the heart to be angry at him for an entire week.

You stepped forward and gave him a brief embrace, before pulling away and patting his cheek with a little more force than necessary.

“You still mad at me?” he asked, looking genuinely uncertain.

“When am I not, Ross?” you sighed, shaking your head. “It’s good to have you back.”

He smiled in relief, before stepping away to introduce his new girlfriend, wrapping an arm around her. “Okay, everyone, this is Julie.”

The rest of you chimed your hellos, though not without sending worried glances to Rachel.

“Hi,” said Julie, smiling tiredly. “But I’m not here, you haven’t met me. I’ll make a much better first impression tomorrow when I don’t have twenty hours of cab and plane on me.”

“And bus!” Ross added.

“Oh, my God, right? The spitting guy, and the screaming… it was terrible!”

“Yeah, you guys have to hear this story,” said Ross.

Julie nodded emphatically. “Right, we’re on this bus that’s easily two-hundred years old. And this guy—”

“And the chicken poops in her lap,” Rachel interrupted, deadpan.

Everybody stared at her, mildly confused.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” the brunette said, looking shocked at herself. “I just gave away the ending, didn’t I? Oh, it’s just that I heard this story in the cab, like, three times and it’s all I can think about.” She grimaced, turning to rest her forehead against your shoulder in embarrassment.

In an effort to divert the attention away from Rachel, Monica clapped her hands. “Wow, this is… how did this happen, Ross?”

“Oh, Ross and I were in grad school together!” said Julie, brightening at the memory.

“But we haven’t seen each other since then. Well, I land in China, and guess who’s in charge of the dig?”

“Julie!” Rachel exclaimed, a strained edge to her voice. “I mean, isn’t that just hit-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?”

The couple stared at her strangely.

“It’s an inside joke,” you awkwardly chuckled, waving it away with a convincing grin.

“Alright, well, we’re gonna go see the baby,” said Ross.

Julie hummed in agreement. “Then we gotta get some sleep. I’m exhausted!”

“Yeah, it’s really six o’clock tomorrow night our time.”

The couple bid their goodbyes, before heading out the door.

Rachel let out a soft exhale, and you roped her into a proper hug, stroking the back of her head comfortingly.

“Hey, does anybody know a good tailor?” asked Chandler as he ambled into Monica’s apartment.

“You need some clothes altered?” said Joey, aimlessly flipping through a magazine on the couch, resting his head in your lap. He’d recently been more clingy because he’d broken up with Melanie the day before. According to him, all she really ever talked about were fruit baskets—which were his words, not yours. Though, you were thinking the same thing.

Chandler huffed, “No, no, I’m just looking for a man to draw on me with chalk,” he deadpanned.

Lifting his head slightly, Joey peered over the couch to look at his roommate. “Why don’t you go see Frankie? My family’s been going to him forever. He did my first suit when I was fifteen. No, wait, sorry. Sixteen. No—fifteen. No!” He looked to you, brows furrowed. “When was 1990 again?”

Chandler snorted, gesturing to his ears. “Okay, buddy, you have to stop the q-tip when there’s resistance!”

From across the room, Ross was on the phone with his new girlfriend he seemed completely smitten with, much to Rachel’s dismay. Rachel visibly rolled her eyes when Ross cooed lovingly into the phone, before getting up and storming into the kitchen. You and Joey locked eyes, before hurrying after her, not wanting to miss out on any drama.

“How is this happening to me?” the brunette softly cried to Monica. “A week ago, Ross was just Ross—he was just this guy! Now, all of a sudden, he’s… he’s Ross! This really great guy that I can’t have.”

Sympathetic, Monica placed an arm over her roommate’s shoulder. As if on cue, Ross came strolling into the kitchen to grab a banana from the fruit bowl, phone wedged between his shoulder and the side of his head, making gross kissing noises.

Rachel bolted up, squaring her jaw.

“I gotta get out of here,” she bit out, before grabbing her bag and striding right out the door.

“Okay, I don’t care what you guys say, but something’s bothering her!” Chandler sarcastically quipped.

Rolling your eyes, you made your way to the door. “I’ll go talk to her.”

“Hey,” you said, gently brushing your fingers against Rachel’s shoulder to alert her of your presence. She was sitting on the apartment building’s short stairs, hunched over her knees as she hugged them against her chest. She turned to look at you, a forlorn expression melded over her features. Softening, you tugged her into a hug, rubbing your palm up and down her back. “I’m sorry, Rach. I wish I could do something to help. You wanna talk about it?”

When she pulled away, her eyes were glassy with a thin, warbling film of unshed tears.

“I just… I don’t know what’s going on with me, you know? I never really thought about Ross in that way and the one time I do… he’s with someone else and it hurts. When I saw Ross get off that plane with her, I really thought I’d just hit rock bottom. And you know how people always tell you that it gets better? Well, today I feel more shitty than I did the day before.” Rachel buried her face into her palms, tears streaking down her cheeks.

“Oh, honey, why don’t you just tell him?” you asked. “He’s barely been with Julie for two weeks, and that’s nothing compared to how long Ross has been in love with you.”

Rachel let out a long sigh, lifting her damp face away from her hands. “I don’t know, Y/N. I’m just so confused. I don’t know.”

“Okay,” you said softly, moving closer to rope your arm over her shoulders, and pressed a gentle kiss to her warm forehead. “What do you say you come over to my place and we watch a movie, hm? I’ll let you pick.”

“Can we watch The Princess Bride?”

“Sure,” you said, taking her hands to pull her up with you. “Whatever you want.”

It shouldn’t have happened.

One moment, the two of you were cuddled up on your couch, preening over how good Westley looked, and the other, Rachel was on top of you, her lips frantically moving against yours.

It was your fault, really. Rachel was vulnerable, and obviously needed a distraction, and so, like a fool, you let her use you as one. You let her unbutton your shirt. You let her desperately tug against your hair. You let her kiss you, and you let her shove you into your bedroom.

At one point, you managed to pull away for a second, breathless and entirely conflicted about the situation. She looked so beautiful spread over the sheets of your bed, and it made your heart sink at the thought that she wasn’t doing this because she really wanted to—she was doing this because she was looking for something to make her forget. Even for just a little bit. “Rach, don’t you think we should slow down a bit? I know you’re hurting, but—”

She shook her head firmly, roping her arms over your neck and yanking you back down, kissing you hard. You froze against her, and the brunette sighed against you.

“Please?” she whispered, all soft and broken and devastating.

You could practically feel yourself caving.

No more words were exchanged.

You leaned back down to kiss her.

It was the next day. You were still sleeping in bed, most likely exhausted from all the activities you’d been up to the night before, and Rachel slipped out as soon as she’d woken up beside you. Naked and aching. Oh, what has she done?

Rachel winced as she tried to quietly open the door to Monica’s apartment, but it creaked, alerting everybody of her return. She was only grateful that Ross wasn’t there—probably off canoodling with his new girlfriend.

Monica’s eyes widened. “Oh, my God, Rachel, what happened? I was worried sick about you! Where’d you go last night?” After another moment, she narrowed her eyes, surveying her roommate’s disheveled appearance. “You slept with somebody, didn’t you?”

Clearing her throat, Rachel straightened her posture, pointedly ignoring Monica’s question. “I stayed over at Y/N’s place. Is there something wrong with that?”

At first, Monica nodded, relieved. “Oh, okay,” she said. Another second past, and her eyes widened, just about bugging out of her head at the realization. “Wait, you didn’t say no to my question. OH, MY GOD!”

From the couches, Joey turned his head at the commotion. “What’s going on?”

“RACHEL AND Y/N SLEPT TOGETHER!” shrieked Monica. Rachel fruitlessly tried to shush her, spewing out that it wasn’t that big of a deal and that it was a mistake.

From behind the closed bathroom door, Chandler’s voice echoed, “WHAT? RACHEL AND Y/N SLEPT TOGETHER?!” He came out a moment later, face colored red with shock.

Rachel pulled at the skin of her face in frustration and faced all her friends as they expectantly watched her, waiting for an explanation.

“How did this happen?” demanded Joey, seeming lost. “I thought you were… you were… Ross…”

“I am,” sighed Rachel, massaging her pulsing temples. “It was a mistake. A really wonderful one, sure, but still a mistake. Y/N was being so nice and it just happened, okay? I was the one that kissed them—so Y/N wasn’t taking advantage of me or anything. They tried to stop me at one point and I—I don’t know, I asked if we could keep going and Y/N gave in.” Her cheeks colored hotly at the memory.

The rest of them stared at her, speechless.

“Where is Y/N?” asked Joey, crossing his arms.

“Still sleeping,” whispered Rachel, feeling ashamed of herself. “I’m gonna go get changed. Excuse me.”

She left in a hurry, leaving the rest of them puzzled and unsure of what to make of things.

“So, you and Rachel, huh?” Joey leaned against your kitchen counter as you fixed yourself (and him) a sandwich, raising his eyebrows.

You rolled your eyes. “It was a one night stand, Joey—a fling, if you will. You know that better than anybody.”

“Yeah, but it’s different,” he said, grabbing half of the cut sandwich and taking a large bite. “Because you were friends with her before. Don’t you think it’ll be weird going back to being friends?”

A part of you was a bit worried that Rachel would act weird about it, but you personally didn’t really see a problem with it—you knew Rachel had feelings for Ross and you didn’t want to get in the way of that any more than you already have.

“It’ll be fine,” you reassured him, bumping the side of your hip against his. “We’re both mature adults—besides, I love Rachel too much to let this ruin our friendship.”

With a teasing hum, Joey leaned in closer to you. “Oh, yeah? Do you love me enough to sleep with me and not let it ruin our friendship?”

With a scoff, you patted his chest and walked away, sandwich wedged between your teeth as you called out, “In your dreams, Tribbiani.”

Rachel showed up to your apartment again the next night, promising not to make any advances on you this time. She apologized profusely and the two of you had talked it out. It ended in tears (Rachel) and yawns (you) because it was way too late for you to get emotional. The two of you hugged it out, promising each other that this wouldn’t get weird, and before you knew it, she was getting up to go back.

“Oh, just so you know,” she said, hanging halfway out your doorway, “you’re really great in bed.”

Surprise colored your expression when she dipped forward to kiss you softly on the cheek, and sauntered away, humming gently under her breath. You blinked, before rubbing your fists into your eyes.

“I really need to get some sleep,” you thought to yourself dazedly, partially wondering if this was a dream.

“This is unbelievable, Pheebs. How can you be married?” Joey asked the blonde from Monica’s dining table.

Patting his shoulder you began to say, “See, Joe, when two people love each other very much—” You cut yourself off with a laugh when he began swatting at you, a grin tugging at the corner of his lips.

“Well, I’m not, like, married married. He was just a friend, and he’s gay! He’s from Canada, and he just needed a green card,” Phoebe defensively stated.

Monica shook her head. “I can’t believe you married Duncan. How could you not tell me! I mean, we lived together—we told each other everything!”

“Sorry, Mon, but if I told you, you would’ve gotten super judgemental and you wouldn’t have approved!”

Your raven-headed friend’s voice began to grow shrill as she said, “Of course I wouldn’t have approved! You were totally in love with this guy, who, hello, was gay! I mean, what the hell were you thinking?”

From across the table, Ross snorted. “See, Pheebs, and you thought she’d be judgemental.”

“Okay, I wasn’t in love with him, I was just helping out a friend!”

Accusingly, Monica shot back, “Please, when he left town, you stayed in your pajamas for a month! And I saw you eat a cheeseburger!”

The rest of you gasped.

“Phoebe, is that true?” Rachel asked, aghast.

Avoiding eye contact, the blonde poured herself a cup of tea. “I might’ve.”

“I just can’t believe you didn’t tell me,” said Monica. “Getting married is a big thing!”

Narrowing her eyes, Phoebe retorted, “Oh, come on. As if you tell me everything?”

“What have I not told you?” challenged Monica.

“Oh, I don’t know, how about the fact that the underwear out there on the telephone pole is yours from when you were having sex with Fun Bobby out on the terrace!” Phoebe exclaimed, pointing out the window.

The rest of you rushed to press your faces into the glass, eager to see what she was on about.

Offended, Monica slapped Chandler on the arm. “You told her?!”

Recoiling, Chandler bit out, “I didn’t know it was a big secret!”

“Oh, no of course not—at least not as big as having a third nipple!” she screeched, which brought all of your attention away from the underwear dangling outside to Chandler, who was tomato-faced and grimacing.

“You have a third nipple?” asked Phoebe.

“You bitch,” Chandler hissed to Monica, who only stuck her tongue out childishly.

Excited, Ross exclaimed, “Whip it out, Chandler!”

“Ew, guys! There’s nothing to see, it’s just a tiny bump, it’s totally useless!” He rounded to the living room to put some distance between the rest of you, but you all followed behind him anyways.

Cocking your head, you sarcastically put forth, “Right, as opposed to your other multifunctional nipples!”

“I can’t believe you! You told me it was a nubbin,” said Joey.

“Joe, what did you think a nubbin was?” Ross responded.

“I don’t know—you see something, you hear a word—I thought that’s what it was! Let me see it again, Chandler—”

Desperate to divert the attention away from him, Chandler pointed a finger at you. “Y/N and Rachel slept together!”

Most of the group waved him away, having already known that fact, but Ross blanched, eyes darting between you and Rachel.

“What?” he said. “You… you—you slept with her?” he said, an accusing lilt to his tone, bordering on anger. You blinked, brows creasing.

“Yeah,” you carefully said. “It was one time. We’re both grown adults, Ross, we’re allowed to do whatever we want to each other. Besides, you’re with Julie. What’s got your pickle in such a twist?”

Ross was close to belittling you, wanting to ask how could you? You know that I was in love with Rachel.

But he didn’t, because Rachel was right there, watching the two of you with worried eyes. And you were right—Rachel wasn’t his property. She was free to sleep with whoever she wanted, which included you. Not even mentioning that he had a girlfriend right now and had no right to be jealous for someone he wasn’t even dating.

You narrowed your eyes at him. “You gonna drop it, Ross? Or is this gonna be a problem?”

“Nope. No problem,” Ross chuckled hoarsely, clearly having a problem with it.

Satisfied, you rolled your shoulders back and sent Chandler a withering glare. “Alright… since we’re dragging other people into this—Joey was in a porno!”

The group gasped at your revelation.

Jaw dropping, Joey glared at you with wide eyes, as if to say, how could you?

Chandler guffawed, clapping his hands together, relishing the chaos. “Yeah, that’s right! If I’m going down, I’m taking everybody with me!” This earned him a cuff to the back of his head, and he turned, only to cower away from your burning stare.

“Oh, my God! You were in a porno?” squawked Phoebe.

“Tell us about it, tell us about it!” chimed Monica.

Waving them away, Joey was quick to say, “Alright, alright! I was young and I just wanted a job, okay? But at the last minute, I couldn’t go through with it—my uh… my thing got stage fright, see? So they let me be the guy who comes in to fix the copier but can’t because—well, because there’s people havin’ sex on it.”

You snorted. “Never gets old.”

“That’s wild!” said Rachel. Then, she promptly turned back to Chandler, pointing at his chest. “So, what’s it shaped like?”

It was around a week later—and you strode into Monica’s apartment, exhausted from working a full day in the lab, only to be met by three squealing women with sloshing glasses of wine.

“Ross and Rachel kissed!” exclaimed Monica, flushed a bright shade of pink and grinning widely.

Your eyes widened. “What? Oh, my God… uhm, congrats?” you tentatively said, judging from their gleeful celebratory expressions. “What about Julie?”

The drunken atmosphere seemed to dwindle away at your question. Rachel sat up straight, expression crumbling. “Right… Julie…”

You strode to her and wrapped her into a warm embrace. There was so much that you wanted to stay, but you bit down on your tongue and just held her all the tighter.

The next day, you had to watch the excruciating exchange between Julie and Ross—the former having no clue about the kiss, and the latter looking as guilty as a child caught stealing cookies.

You decided you wanted no part in it, despite both Ross and Rachel constantly asking you for advice.

“This is like a complete nightmare!” Ross stressed from the privacy of Chandler’s apartment, pacing back and forth in front of the tv.

Rolling his eyes, Chandler sardonically bit out, “Oh, I know, it must be so hard having two women in love with you! They’re both gorgeous, my wallet’s too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight!”

The taller man glared at him, crossing his arms.

“Listen, Ross, I got two words for you,” interjected Joey, holding up two fingers. “Threesome!”

You pinched his cheek with a scoff of a laugh. “That’s one word.”

“This isn’t helping!” Ross practically screeched. “Y/N, come on, you’re the most sensible out of all of us. Help me! What do I do?”

Feeling a bit guilty, you just shook your head. “Ross, either way, you’re going to hurt someone. You have two options—you break up with Julie and you get with Rachel, or you get firm with Rachel and tell her you’re staying with Julie. There’s no secret third option, because that’ll only lead to even more disaster and you’ll end up losing them both. Just don’t be a dick to either of them, okay? I care about Rachel a lot, and I don’t want to see her hurt because of you.”

Ross blinked at you. “So what I’m hearing is… Rachel?”

Throwing your hands up in the air, you wrinkled your nose at him in disgust, furrowing your brows. “Ugh, no! Damn it, Ross—”

“Let’s be logical about this,” interjected Chandler. “We’ll make a list—pros and cons for both Rachel and Julie.”

You crossed your arms. “That’s a terrible idea. Why are you treating them like objects for bartering?”

Huffing, Ross merely shook his head. “It’s not a half-bad idea, though. Might help me make a smart choice.”

“Great!” exclaimed Chandler. “Let’s start with the cons—Rachel first.”

Ross’ expression twisted hesitantly. “I don’t know… I guess you could say she’s a little spoiled sometimes. And you know, sometimes she’s a little ditzy—and I’ve seen her be a little too into her looks. Julie and I—we have a lot in common because we’re both paleontologists, but you know, Rachel’s just… she’s a waitress.”

Disgusted, you scoffed. “God, you’re such an asshole, Ross. Are you serious? The nerve of you…” you trailed off, pushing yourself away from Joey’s side to grab your coat on the back of the couch, already heading for the door.

“Hey, where are you going?” asked Joey. “Y/N, come back, he doesn’t mean it!” Pointedly, Joey jabbed Ross in the side, but he just guiltily looked to the ground.

“Fuck you, Ross. She’s my friend too, you know. Shame on you two, as well,” you chastised, glaring at the three men, before storming out of the apartment, making sure to slam the door hard behind you.

The next day, Ross broke up with Julie.

And just a bit after that, Rachel saw the list he’d made of her as she slipped into Chandler’s apartment to steal some of his moisturizer.

God, you knew something like this would happen.

You stumbled into Monica’s apartment with the rest of the group, laughter from a story Joey was telling ebbing away upon the sight of Ross begging Rachel to open the bedroom door.

Before anyone could step in and ask what was going on, Rachel swung the door open, face blotchy from crying and crimson with fury.

“Rach, come on—you gotta give me another chance.”

“No!” firmly exclaimed the brunette.

“No?”

“That’s what I said. No.”

Awkward, Chandler took a step closer to the door. “Look, maybe we should go—”

“No, you guys shouldn’t go, because Ross and I are done talking.”

“Rach, look, I know how this must—”

Holding up a hand, Rachel squared her jaw and coldly replied, “No, you don’t, Ross. Imagine… the worst things you’d think about yourself. Now, how would you feel if the one person that you trusted the most in the world not only thinks it too, but actually uses it as reasons not to be with you!”

Faltering, Ross stammered out, “No, but—but, see, I wanna be with you in spite of all those things.”

What an asshole, you thought.

Slowly, the five of you began inching to the door.

Anger flickered across her expression. “Oh, well, that’s mighty big of you, Ross.” She momentarily snapped her gaze towards you. “I said don’t go!” she barked.

All of you froze like deer in the headlights.

Voice breaking, Ross replied in a panicked manner, “You know… if—if things were the other way around, there is nothing that you could put on a list that would ever make me not want to be with you!”

Rachel’s tense shoulders dropped, as if she was totally and utterly done with this conversation. “Well, see, that’s the difference between us. I’d never make a list.”

With that, she shut the door in Ross’ face.

All of you stared, wide-eyed, as he slowly backed away from her bedroom, and sank down to slump on the coffee table.

“I never know how long you’re supposed to wait in this type of situation until you can talk again,” Joey whispered into your ear. You pinched his side, sending him a glare. “Oh, okay, I guess we’re waiting a bit longer, then.”

You wrapped the scarf tighter around your neck, blowing out a breath that misted into the cold air in front of you.

“Joey, slow down!” you called out, lightly jogging after the man who was practically sprinting down to the newspaper stand down the street. “They won’t be sold out of papers at one in the morning!”

“I’m just excited!” he exclaimed, grabbing your hand and yanking you along, much to your dismay. “I’ve never gotten reviewed before!”

“You were really great, Joe—I’m being serious! You make a good king,” you said genuinely, smiling at him when he halted in front of the stall, sending you a grateful grin. “Though, you might wanna consider wearing underwear next time—when you sat down everyone could see your uh… your royal subjects.”

You broke out into a fit of laughter, which you tried to hide away into coughing when Joey rolled his eyes and turned away from you.

Shucking a couple of coins from his mostly-empty wallet, he tossed them to the vendor and grabbed a couple papers, handing you one. The rest of the group caught up to the two of you moments later, taking a couple papers to see for themselves.

Your heart dropped upon reading the first few lines of the review. Sending a glance over at Joey, you could see his shoulders begin to droop.

“The only thing worse than the mindless adolescent direction is Joseph Tribbiani’s disturbingly unskilled portrayal of the king…” he mumbled, downtrodden.

Chandler clapped his roommate’s shoulder. “Hey, look, that’s just one douchebag’s opinion! Alright, Pheebs, read yours.”

The blonde perked up, clearing her throat before reading aloud, “The only thing worse than the mindless adolescent direction—”

“Alright, does anybody have a different paper?” intervened Chandler. “Ross, read yours.”

The taller man winced at the colorful insults on his paper, shooting Joey an apologetic glance. “I don’t think I want to.”

Huffing, Joey handed you his paper, and sank down onto the curb of the sidewalk, hanging his head.

“Oh, Joe,” you said, kneeling down beside him. “They don’t know what they’re talking about—critics always have a stick up their ass! They never know how to have fun and they’re always reviewing things with tunnel vision for snobbish pish-posh elegance that nobody gives a shit about!”

The Italian sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe they have a point. I’ve been doing this for ten years and I haven’t gotten anywhere! There’s gotta be a reason.”

Rachel reached out to place a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Come on, Joey—”

“No, no, I’m quitting. It’s just too hard.”

The rest of you blanched at his sudden declaration, each of you erupting with protests.

When Joey just shook his head, you all fell silent, and you took his hand, holding it tight to your chest. “Joey, and I say this from the bottom of my heart, I really enjoyed your play. I know the critics don’t, but I had so much fun watching you, and I know the rest of the audience did, too. This might not mean anything to you, but I’m really proud of you. You’ve come a long way since you started, and you should be proud of yourself, too.”

Joey was silent for a moment. Then he looked to you, a glimmer of appreciation behind his irises. “Thanks, Y/N. That means a lot, it does.”

You grinned. “Alright. What does everyone say to midnight pizza?”

“It’s nearly two in the morning,” deadpanned Rachel, hiding a yawn behind her fist. When she saw Joey’s pouting face, she huffed, relenting. “Oh, fine, fine. But no pineapples!”

You sauntered into Joey and Chandler’s apartment, about to ask them if they wanted to go catch a movie starting in half an hour, but your question faltered on your tongue upon seeing Joey bustling in the kitchen, about two dozen jars of homemade marinara sauce strewn all over the counter. He was furiously chopping more tomatoes, looking as stressed as ever.

Blinking, you gently said his name, which made him grunt distantly in reply. You took a seat by the counter, reaching forward to swipe some marinara off his cheek and licked it off your thumb.

“Hm,” you said, pleasantly surprised. “That’s good, Joey! What’s all this for?”

Before he could respond, Chandler trudged out of his bedroom, rubbing the nap away from his droopy eyes, mumbling, “Italy called and said it was hungry.”

“I’m guessing you didn’t get the part, then?” you asked sympathetically, referring to the Days of Our Lives call-back audition he had earlier today that he simply couldn’t pass up, despite claiming that he quit being an actor no less than a week ago.

Your friend shook his head. “No, the part’s mine if I want it.”

Both you and Chandler blanched. “Oh, my God!”

“Yeah, well, that’s only if I’m willing to sleep with the casting lady,” huffed Joey.

“Oh…” you said, finally understanding his dilemma.

Joey nodded. “Ten years I’ve been waiting for a break like this. Ten years! I mean, Days of our Lives—that’s actually on television!”

“So… what are you gonna do?” asked Chandler, glancing to you and noticing your suddenly uncomfortable expression.

“I don’t know,” his roommate admitted. “I mean, I guess I could sleep with her…”

Clearing your throat, you pulled up your sleeve slightly to check your wristwatch, hastily getting up from the stool and heading for the door. “So sorry to leave, but I’ve got a movie to catch. So, uh, good luck with the, uh, the audition.” You winced, before awkwardly rushing out.

Chandler crossed his arms over his chest. “So what’s got you so stressed out? Is she pretty?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Joey reluctantly responded.

“Honestly surprised you haven’t slept with her already. Usually you’d jump at an opportunity like this. I mean, it’s not like you’re in love with anyone, so nothing’s really holding you back—” Chandler halted himself in his words. “Is this about Y/N? You never actually told them how you felt, did you—?”

Quick to cut him off, Joey snapped, “I’m not in love with Y/N!” Then, he hesitated, face screwing into one of confusion as he rinsed all the tomato juice off his hands. “At least… I don’t think I am. But anyways, this isn’t about them. I’ve never had to sleep with someone to get a job before.”

Obviously still dubious, Chandler just let out a little uhuh, and sat down by the counter. “Maybe this isn’t such a big deal, Joey. The way I see it, you get a great job, and you get to have sex with a nice girl!”

Joey’s shoulders dropped a little. “I just don’t think I want it that way, you know? Let’s say I make it—I’m always gonna wonder if it was because of my talent, or because of my dick!”

Chandler nodded. He was still quite miffed as to why Joey hadn’t already jumped on the opportunity, but he had a feeling it was because of—

“Can I tell you something?” asked Joey.

“Shoot.”

“I’ve barely been sleeping with anybody lately, I’m sure you’ve noticed—”

“I try to enjoy it while it lasts,” Chandler dryly replied. “Our walls are thin, you know.”

Rolling his eyes, Joey continued, “The last person I was properly dating was Melanie, and that felt like ages ago. And, uh… when I found out about Y/N and Rachel sleepin’ together it just kinda felt… I felt…”

“Jealous?”

Joey bit down on the inside of his cheek. “Yeah,” he reluctantly sighed out. “I don’t know. Maybe I am in love with Y/N.”

“Woah,” said Chandler, raising both hands in surprise as his eyes widened at Joey’s confession.

“Woah!” parroted Joey, matching his roommate’s energy. “I said maybe. Maybe! I don’t know yet!”

“No, I just… I didn’t think you’d… you know, I always had a feeling but I never really expected you to admit it. That’s, uh, that’s great, Joe! Are you gonna tell them?”

Joey had to admit, he was absolutely terrified at the prospect of confessing his feelings to you. Usually, he wasn’t afraid of rejection because it never really was something he had to worry about but with you—he never, ever wanted to lose you. The very idea of not being friends with you anymore ripped him apart to pieces.

But he had to try, didn’t he?

“Yeah,” replied Joey, glancing down at all the marinara he’d made, thinking back to the way you’d gently swiped some sauce off of his cheek. “I think I will.”

Joey whistled happily as he strode down the halls of the physics institution, not even caring that he’d walked into the wrong room three times in a row (the scientists in the second lab definitely weren’t happy with that), before finally finding your office. He’d gotten the job—without sleeping with the casting agent—and since you were so busy with work, he thought he’d stop by and tell you the good news because he just couldn’t wait until you got off.

Though, now that he stood in front of your door, he wished he’d waited.

Because then he wouldn’t have to see you with Connor—and how the two of you seemed awfully close, with his hand settled over your hip and yours gripping the front of his shirt as the two of you spoke lowly to each other.

A part of Joey wanted to turn tail and run, but he found himself rooted to the spot, mouth opening and closing silently.

Finally, you caught sight of him in the doorway, and you practically sprang away from Connor, eyes wide and expression coloring with shock.

“Joey! What are you doing here?” you asked, slightly breathless and evidently flustered.

The excitement he once felt began to dwindle away the longer he stood there, grappling for words. “I, uh… just wanted to come by and see how you’re doing! But I see you’re pretty busy and, uhm, I’m just gonna get going now! Bye!” With that, he turned on his heel and sprinted out of your office, before you could even begin to protest.

“That was weird,” said Connor, mildly confused. “What’s up with your friend?”

You stared at the open doorway for a second longer, brows furrowed. “I don’t know,” you replied distantly, before turning back to him with a smile. “Now, where were we?”

Later that night, Monica had invited everyone over to play some board games and drink a little bit of wine she’d been saving for over a year by now. You were glad for the break, having exhausted yourself working for the past few days.

Halfway through your third round of Monopoly (the last two rounds had to be halted because Ross and Phoebe looked like they were about to tear each other’s throats out), Joey excused himself to take a quick breather on the balcony, and you followed suit after making sure Chandler wouldn’t steal any of your fake Monopoly money. As you were clambering out the window to join him, you caught sight of Chandler sneaking some of your dollar bills into his stack, and you rolled your eyes but let it go anyway.

“Hey,” you murmured, nudging Joey’s side with your elbow. “You okay? It’s cold out here.”

“Yeah,” he replied, smiling down at you briefly, though you noticed that it didn’t truly reach his eyes. “Just… thinking.”

A soft hum fell from you. “That doesn’t happen often, huh? What about?” You leaned your head against his shoulder, tilting your gaze up to New York’s starless night skies. The moon shone dimly behind a hazy city smog, one that seemed to never lift this time of year.

“I got the part,” he said.

“Oh, my God,” you whispered, pulling away for a second to stare at him with parted lips. “That’s amazing, Joey, congrats! I’m really proud of you, you know that?”

Something sickly twisted in his stomach at your words. “Thanks, Y/N.”

You settled back down against his shoulder, stray strands of your hair tickling his cheek. “So did you sleep with the casting agent? I won’t judge if you did, I promise.”

There was a short pause before he responded, a little hesitantly, “Nah—I was offered the part because I refused to sleep with them. I guess they liked my guts and wanted me in the show.”

You lifted your head to grin at him, nose wrinkling fondly. It did Joey’s heart no favors when you leaned forward and pressed a chaste, friendly kiss to his cheek, before resting your head back down. He inhaled sharply, the smell of your blueberry-scented shampoo making his chest ache with an itch that he just couldn’t seem to scratch away.

“Why didn’t you do it?” you asked, cold fingers moving down his arm to lace with his. “Sleep with the casting agent, that is.”

“Well… I don’t want to make up my career through sex and sex alone,” he said, carefully avoiding the glaringly obvious other reason why. “I would want to know at least some of it was because of my talent.”

You hummed again. The two of you lapsed into a comfortable silence. From the distance, a car honked.

“What… uh, what were you and Connor doin’ earlier today when I came by?” he asked, trying to play it cool.

“Oh, he was just there to ask for some advice on his research paper. He just got a little flirty, really, nothing happened between us—it was nice and all, but… oh, I don’t know. I just don’t think I’m really looking for a serious relationship right now.”

Joey could feel his heart crumble into a million pieces and fall through the gaps between his ribs. Well, there goes any prospect of confessing his feelings to you tonight. He supposed it was for the better—if you’d rejected him, Joey didn’t think he could ever properly look you in the eye again and just continue to be friends as if nothing had happened.

“Oh,” he said, voice cracking minutely. “Sorry to hear that.”

“It’s okay,” you told him genuinely, fondness seeping through your tone. “I’ve got great friends.”

“Yeah,” said Joey, lifting an arm to sling around your waist to give you a loose side-hug. If he couldn’t be with you in a romantic relationship, he was more than willing to be with you in a platonic one.

#joey tribbiani x reader #friends fanfiction #joey tribbiani fanfiction #joey tribbiani fluff #joey tribbiani angst #joey tribbiani smut #rachel green x reader #rachel green angst #rachel green fluff #rachel green smut #joey tribbiani imagines #joey tribbiani drabbles #rachel green imagines #rachel green drabbles #friends x reader #friends joey x reader #friends rachel x reader

446 notes · View notes

brandogenius · 2 months

Note

Mmmmm what about, headcannons on your interpretations on the different ways that the boys would ask you out/ you would ask the boys out?

Other thoughts:

I think that regardless of what she did, julien would say “ Can I be your girlfriend?” ( Idk why it gets me all melted and shit, probably cuz we’re used to “ will you be my girlfriend”)

Imagining Pheobe who’s the friend that would spam your comment section after you post something ( barking like a dog frfr)

And one time she replied to another commenter who went “one chance🙏🏽” and she replied “she’s mine, can you fight?” or something and y’all were in the same room. You looked up from your phone and went “ I’m yours huh?”

Pheobe: ” yep”

You: “Okay then”

Then you replied to her comment “ hers❤️ I would still recommend you know how to fight though.”

LUCY I imagine she sat you down at her house. Maybe she’d set up a backyard movie. Reasoning being to play an unreleased song. You didn’t know why she was so nervous, she pulled out her laptop and a projector started playing a video with the song in the back onto the wall from the projector. At first it seemed like a song about yalls friendship.

As the montage went on with the pictures and videos, and the song got more personal, you realized that, this was a confession?

Then at the end of the song, there was a voice snippet of lucy talking, saying how she was grateful that she met you and how she’s so glad you’re in her life. Then she mentioned the first time she starting feeling differently towards you compared to anyone else, and how nervous you made her. Then at the end she pops the big question.

-🐹

OOOOOO!!!

‼️RPF‼️

HC - the boys & reader - asking you out

[Phoebe]

phoebe would be the type of person just like you said ^^ you’d post cute photos of yourself and phoebe would be your number one hype dude in the comments “BEAUTIFUL” like that lady gaga meme “AMAZING TALENTED BEAUTIFUL GORGEOUS”

the two of you would go off to this nice little beach and take some photos but you see phoebes story just as she posts something and it’s a photo of the beach but you’re in the background and she has a heart on it. “that’s cute” you showing phoebe her story, liking it. “nah. you’re cuter” this has you lifting your head, phoebe grinning at you. “am i now? say, it is kinda late huh? what about we get some dinner? me and you” you kinda were hoping she’d understand where you’re coming from.

“yeah? like a date?” she’s smirking and you nod your head, not being able to get a word out before she’s grabbing your hand and dragging you to the nearest restaurant”

[lucy]

lucy is the type to be like play flirting with you ALL THE TIME same like phoebe but mostly irl if it makes sense? two of you could be cuddling together bickering like an old married couple. phoebe gagging in the corner like “get a fucking room” the two of you just cuddled on the couch, hands twirling some strands in your hair. lucy taking fake offensive to phoebes comment like “damn. you really are being homophobic right now - you hearing this shit?” and she looks at you and you’re nodding your head like “i can’t believe this shit”

she’s like “i can’t believe you’re being mean to me and my girlfriend” and it has everyone raising an eyebrow like 🤨🤨🤨 and she’s like “i mean - uh “ and turning to you and you’re there like “take me out to dinner first sweetheart then we’ll go further” and she’s like “say no more. tomorrow 6pm”

[Julien]

jb would be waiting for the perfect moment. to she’s been preparing ALL WEEK. getting hype from the boys “you can do it! you can do it!!” i like to imagine you work in a flower shop🤭🤭 so she walks in one day looking at the flowers trying to hype herself up to talk to you. not even realising you’re watching her with that small smile on your face.

“you looking for anything in particular?” this kinda startles her so she grabs the first bouquet she finds and hands them to you like “yup yup wanna buy these” and you’re laughing to yourself like “these are the display flowers. are you sure you were looking for these?” and she’s cringing at herself like shit fuck shit- “would you like to grab a coffee with me? maybe now- or later after your shift if you’re free- because if not that’s totally fine” but you’re stood there like :o and juliens there like inner monologue is spongebob screaming in that office as it goes up in flames.

“i’d love to” you say “i actually finish now so it’s perfect timing”

#pom writes #boygenius fanfic #boygenius au #boygenius one shot #boygenius x reader #julien baker x reader #julien baker au #julien baker fanfic #julien baker one shot #julien baker angst #phoebe bridgers x reader #phoebe bridgers fanfic #phoebe bridgers au #phoebe bridgers one shot #lucy dacus x reader #lucy dacus one shot #lucy dacus fanfic #lucy dacus au

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n0-eyedtaissa · 1 year

Note

CUP ] : sender cups or caresses receiver’s face.

Cope

It better be fluff. 🔪

The day was just starting to warm up, the waves were still calm and lazy enough that both Clementine and Pope felt like they could be lulled back to sleep if it got too quiet. But luckily, quiet was something the both of them accepted readily. It wasn’t awkward, or empty, it was quite the opposite. It was warm and full, comfortable, something that neither Clementine nor Pope had felt in quite awhile.

The first time it happened was on Clementine's birthday. Her dad and the rest of the Pogues had wanted to do something special to celebrate, but Clementine swore up and down that her birthday was just another regular day. She didn’t really feel like celebrating. Not even some light peer pressure got her to lighten up about the prospect of a party, but somehow Pope got Clementine to agree to letting him plan something for the two of them to do. Pope made a "big plan" (that actually wasn't much but had a lot of moving pieces, like a boat heist, Clementine’s clementine cannibalism, and a non-birthday donut) just to offer her a moment of peace in their chaotic universe.

It was something that they both needed, so it became a bit of a habit. Every time that the world was feeling a bit too heavy on their shoulders, Pope and Clementine would pull a heist of their own and steal Heyward’s boat for the morning, just to go float around in the quiet for a little.

~~~

“Hey Pops, can I steal the keys for the boat today?” Pope asked as he walked into the kitchen that morning.

Heyward raised an eyebrow at his son, the corners of his mouth threatening to show a hint of a smile. “Oh, so now you’re an honest thief, huh?” He shook his head and flipped over the next page of the newspaper he was reading.

“I’m really turning a new leaf here, Pops!” Pope laughed and grabbed a cereal bowl from the cabinet.

"What d'you need the boat for, baby?" Mrs. Heyward interjected before her husband and son could launch into their drawn-out banter.

"Oh, uh," He faltered, feeling his ears get hot. "Gonna go hang out with Clementine for a little bit."

Cara's eyes went wide as she looked over at her husband, sharing a knowing glance. "Like a date?" She asked, leaning in with motherly excitement and curiosity.

"No! What?" Pope flinched. "What, no, we do this all the time!"

Heyward looked up quickly, "So you steal my boat all the time, is that right?"

Cara scowled at her husband before turning her attention back to Pope. "The keys are on the hook, baby, but be a gentleman and take that girl something nice." She gestured towards the other room but she was already getting up from her seat at the table to start making lunch for Clementine and Pope to share.

When Pope pulled up to the marina, Clementine was already sitting on the end of the dock, stealing a few quick pulls off of a joint belonging to Phoebe Deluca, of all people. Pope gave the elusive blonde a respectful head-nod, appreciating the help she gave the Pogues that summer when they were trying to exonerate John B and dig up all the proof they could about Ward Cameron's history of shady dealings. The girl responds with a careful smile and gives Clementine a quick hug goodbye, clearly seeing something that neither Clementine nor Pope had put too much thought into yet.

Clementine waves happily at Pope as he ties off the bowline and she takes a wobbly step down into the borrowed boat. She has her backpack and a six-pack cooler in tow, a pair of sunglasses sitting on the top of her head, tangled in her hair.

The two of them open their mouths to speak at the same time:

"I brought lunch!" They both say in unison, heads whipping around to look at one another, facial expressions morphing from confusion to appreciation.

"Today just got so much better" Clementine laughs, collapsing into one of the boat's cracked leather seats (and trying to ignore the fact that now the back of her shorts were wet).

Pope raises an eyebrow at her. "Why's that?"

Clementine's stalled for an answer. She didn't think that she had to spell it out so plainly for a smart boy like Pope, but all boys her age were oblivious by nature. "Well...I mean, I was already excited to hang out with you, but now there's twice as much food."

Pope feels his ears going hot once again and conveniently looks away to navigate the boat through all of the different channels of the marsh. "No yeah, exactly, that's totally what I was gonna say too..."

~~~

"You still awake over there?" Pope calls out after the two of them had gone quiet for awhile. He had dropped the anchor in a particularly shaded area of the marsh and he had been enjoying staring at the weird shapes and patterns the sunlight made as it broke through the covering of leaves overhead.

"No" Clementine laughs, admitting to dozing off a little bit on account of the soft waves rocking the boat.

Pope makes his way to the seat next to Clem and sits down, grabbing her big metal water bottle and taking a hearty sip, knowing that he didn't need to ask permission. "Wow, Clem, am I really boring you that much? I'm hurt"

Clementine quickly sits up straight, ignoring the blood rushing to her head. "On the contrary, Pope, you're like one of the only people I can actually relax around." She pushes her sunglasses up to the top of her head so that Pope could see it in her eyes that she was serious. "I say the same thing every time we do this, you realize that, right?"

Pope shakes his head in disbelief.

Clementine rolls her eyes and launches into an impression of herself: "'Honestly Pope, this is the best birthday I've had in years', 'Wow Pope, today was a really nice day'" She quotes herself to prove her point.

"Oh..." Pope falters, looking down at the base of the boat in order to hide his small smile. "I guess I never really realized..."

Clementine throws up her hands in resignation because yeah, that was kind of the problem. "You know for someone who's so smart, you're not always observant about the things that are right in front of you..." She hopes that Pope was smart enough to realize what she was alluding to, but she was okay with having to lay on the charm a little bit thicker.

“What’s right in front of me?” Pope laughs, looking around to see if there was something he was missing.

Clementine sighs. It was her! She was right in front of him. It wasn’t like she was being secretive about her crush on Pope, either — even JJ noticed (and teased her relentlessly about it), and he was usually oblivious to these kinds of things!

“Just forget it, Pope” Clementine shakes her head. “Now let’s see about that lunch" She gives him a tight, closed-mouth smile and tries to brush away her bruised feelings.

~~~

Clementine retrieves the rolled-up towel from her backpack and spreads it out along the bottom of the boat so she and Pope could sit on it together like a makeshift picnic blanket. They're facing one another and sitting cross-legged, knees almost touching. Clementine doesn't know if Pope is even aware of it, but she definitely was.

There's quite the array of food in front of them, Clem was realizing that Mrs. Heyward's love language was definitely acts of service: They had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches wrapped in tinfoil, baggies of chips that were overstock from the family store, apple slices, and a big hunk of her homemade banana bread.

"This was really nice of your mom, she didn't have to do that" Clementine covers her mouth as she chews through another bite.

Pope smirks. "Are you kidding me? I told her the same exact thing and she looked at me like I had two heads or something. It's just the kind of person that she is." He smiles fondly.

"That's really nice" Clementine says again. She truly means it, but she clams up a bit because it's something she can't relate to. Of course she missed her own mom, but even when Natalie was alive she wasn't really in the shape to be making elaborate lunches just because she wanted to. Natalie was the kind of mother who taught Clementine and Kimber how to be fiercely independent, taught them how to do grown-up things without having to rely on anybody else. That was probably a big part of the reason why Clementine had a hard time with letting people in, with expressing her wants and her feelings.

Pope notices Clementine's uneasiness and knocks his knee against hers. "Can I ask you what your mom was like?"

Clementine takes a second to respond. "I mean, sure, it might just be a bit of a downer." She shrugs "You know...cancer and all." The two of them laugh uncomfortably, but Clementine isn't offended or taken aback by the question.

Pope pauses again. "Can I ask you more about your sister?"

"I should've known that was coming next." Clementine's not meeting Pope's gaze, her eyes are trained on some rusted-over spot on the bottom of the boat, but she had a wistfulness in her expression. "I'll tell you anything you wanna know."

Clementine means it, too. She wouldn't hesitate to tell Pope the real story about what happened with Kimber, how she saw her leave out the window and get into Gat's truck, never to be seen again. She wouldn't hesitate to tell him that she lied to the police, lied to her dad and the rest of their family. Pope knew the big plot points, but Clementine had always spared the specifics.

"I just can't wrap my head around why you would lie about what you saw" Pope sighed, finally letting it slip. "If it could help you find Kimber, wouldn't it be better to tell the truth?"

"Honestly, Pope, yeah. It probably would've been." Clementine feels the weight on her shoulders shift as she admitted that out loud. "But I didn't think she would want me to tell the truth. Shit, I didn't even know what the truth even was! She was always getting into trouble and I was always keeping her secrets, we had our stupid rule." She feels her throat get tight with emotion. "I never thought it would get this bad."

Clementine adverts her eyes, not wanting to meet Pope’s gaze. She doesn’t know it but he’s looking at her, because he understands her just a little bit more now. Pope knows what it’s like to be reckless, to do fucked up things in the spirit of friendship, to be sworn to secrecy. To fuck up royally and have to face the consequences. He understood how guilty it could make you feel, wondering what more could’ve been done. Pope understands what it’s like to have someone you’d to anything for. That’s what it was like with the Pogues — with John B.

Pope knew what she meant. At the beginning of summer when John B. got the rest of the Pogues involved in the Royal Merchant treasure hunt, none of them would've thought it was going to end as stupid and dangerously as it did. Now John B. and Sarah were dead and the rest of the Pogues were forced to live with their secrets. Pope can't tell if he should feel sorry that he asked, or honored that Clementine trusted him enough to let her walls down and express how she really felt about her sister's disappearance. In times like this, he always said too much, or did the wrong thing, so he chooses not to speak at all.

Clearing away the garbage and the leftovers from the space in between them, Pope moves closer and wraps his arms around Clementine's shoulders in a clumsy hug. It takes Clementine a second to un-freeze and relax into the hug, but she snakes her arms around Pope and lets herself be comforted (something she desperately needed).

No one wants to let go right away.

Pope's hand creeps up to cup Clementine's cheek and he uses the pad of his thumb to wipe away the single tear that she let fall. "Trust me, Clem, if there's anyone who understands that, it's us. I know what you mean and how much it sucks."

Pope is looking at Clementine with so much certainty that she has no choice but to believe that what he's saying is true. She leans into his hand for a second, comforted by his touch.

"Thanks, Pope" She smiles, sniffling. "I always have the best time with you."

#is this good idk #obx oc: clementine adams #pope heyward x oc #clementine adams x pope heyward #obx oc

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shelbrekker · 3 months

Text

Before you follow, do take some notes,

I set a limit on my following list, which means I don’t follow anyone who sits at the same table with anything aligns to misogynistic and queerphobic attitudes. A heads off, I post anything I like, mostly revolves around my hyperfixations.

I tend to keep my account as tight as possible, so I might do a removal without any prior notice to those I am barely interacting with nor I don’t feel familiar with.

Not really much of a person who oftentimes shows up on timeline, so please knock on my DM if you have anything to chat about.

Feel free to remove me from your following list if by any chance you feel like we no longer fit to be mutuals. No hard feelings as I do respect your comfy space!

To get to know me,

It’s Raven, or priorly was/still Mackenzie Jane. (I don’t really stick with only one of them, let’s just say it depends on my current preference? Feel free to address me by whichever tickles your fancy but please, address me accordingly). Go by any pronouns. An adult whose age number starts with 2. An ESFJ, though I don’t feel like I really am an E most of the time.

My interest revolves around: 1) TV shows (movies > series), 2) Fantasy, young adult, self development books, 3) R&B, Pop, Alt/Indie, Kpop songs.

A not-so-helpful guide to lead you to a clearer path about things I am really fond of — some medias to get to know me better, they said.

TV shows: Star Wars, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Peaky Blinders, Willow, Fleabag, Abbott Elementary, Wednesday, Marrowbone, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Dead Poets Society, The Hunger Games. Feel free to pay my Letterboxd a visit to find out more!

Books: The Folk of the Air trilogy (Jude and Cardan apologist), Shadow & Bone trilogy, Six of Crows duology (Kaz Brekker has taken his place to be my fictional crush), The Hunger Games, Alone with You in the Ether, To Kill a Mockingbird.

Music: Taylor Swift, Gracie Abrams, Daniel Caesar, Frank Ocean, Mac Ayres, Dominic Fike, Post Malone, Men I Trust, boygenius (and each of them, yet I listen to Phoebe Bridgers and Julien Baker most of the time), DEAN, RIIZE, ITZY, LE SSERAFIM, honorable mention: Huh Yunjin.

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jessicasland · 2 years

Text

Mad Love ft. Phoebe

By: Jessicaland

Plot: A retelling of the comic strip/episode of Batman: The Animated Series, “Mad Love”, only this time, it features my BTAS OC Phoebe.

—————

Note: I don't own DC Comics, Batman: The Animated Series, The Joker, or Harley Quinn in any shape or form, all I own is my OC Phoebe.

—————

Gotham City 7:45 pm

Commissioner Gordon walked down the hallway of the local dentist's office. It was time for his annual checkup as part of his required police physical and one thing was for sure, he, as do all of us, hate these checkups.

He opened the door to the office where his supposed dentist was busy washing his hands and going over his x-rays.

A little girl with her orange-red hair tied up in a long ponytail and dressed up in a nurse's outfit stood beside him, holding a clipboard.

"Have a seat, I'll be right with you," the dentist said, putting some soap on the palm of his hand, "Phoebe, dear, get the patient set up so we can get to work."

"Yes Doctor J," she replied.

As Commissioner Gordon sat down in the large chair, he asked, "...who's the girl? One of the nurse's kids or somethin'?"

"It's Bring Your Child to Work Day," the dentist answered, scrubbing his hands.

"Makes sense," said Commissioner Gordon, "I don't mind saying that I really hate these check-ups. If it weren't part of the police physical, I wouldn't be here."

Phoebe placed a bib around the commissioner's neck and turned on the giant headlight above him.

As the dentist was rinsing his hands off with water, he said, "Oh, come now commissioner. What in this miserable world is more beautiful... than a nice, big, smile?"

The dentist turned around into the light only to reveal that it wasn't a dentist, it was the Joker!

He laughed maniacally with a pair of tweezers and a pick in his hands. Commissioner Gordon tried to leave but-

BANG!

POP!

He found himself tied around with streamers. As he struggled to get free, Commissioner Gordon turned to the door to see the culprit behind his current predicament.

It was Harley Quinn, one of the Joker's partners in crime, only instead of her usual red and black attire, she wore a nurse's outfit and carried a gun in her hand.

"Naughty, naughty!" Harley taunted, "jump around like that and doctor won't give you a lollipop."

She blew the top of the gun.

"You little-VIXMF!"

Harley put a cotton ball in his mouth to shut him up and stood next to the Joker.

Phoebe was looking over the struggling Commissioner's eyes with a small flashlight.

"...so, what's the prognosis doctor?" Phoebe asked, releasing her hair from its ponytail.

The Joker observed Commissioner Gordon.

"Mm-hmm," Joker hummed, "my, my. Tsk, tsk, tsk, this doesn't look good at all. I'm afraid, nurse-"

Phoebe handed him a drill, but it wasn't a regular drill a dentist would use, it was a much larger hand drill.

"-everything will have to go!"

The Joker laughed maniacally as he inched the drill closer to Commissioner Gordon.

"Guess you'll need somebody to 'fill' in for you tomorrow," joked Phoebe, "huh Uncle J?"

The Joker chuckled and used his free hand to give Phoebe's head a kindly pat.

"Good one Phoebe," said the Joker.

The drill in the Joker's hand began to inch closer, closer, closer, until-

CRASH!

Suddenly, Batman came crashing through the window and landed on his feet. "Batman!" Phoebe exclaimed.

Batman got up, reached into his pocket, and pulled out a pair of dentures.

"It was an easy hit Joker," said Batman, tossing the dentures on the floor, "sloppy, predictable. You're losing your edge."

"'scuse me," piped Harley, "but the teeth were my idea. So's this!"

Harley pointed a nozzle towards Batman and instructed Phoebe and the Joker to cover their noses as the nozzle released a green gas.

Batman inhaled the gas and got on his hand and knees, coughing.

Harley laughed and asked, "that's a real 'gasser' huh Mister J?"

The Joker grabbed her by the pigtails and pulled her close to his face, barking, "I give the punchlines around here!—got it?!"

"Yessir," Harley squeaked.

Grabbing Harley by one of her pigtails, they walked out of the office, Phoebe trailing behind them.

"Well Batsy, it's been a real hoot as always," said the Joker, pushing Harley to the side, "but I really must run."

The Joker took a grenade from his pocket and pulled off the safety clip.

"May the 'floss' be with you!" he said, laughing away as he pulled Harley by one of her pigtails with one hand and grabbed Phoebe's wrist with the other.

The grenade landed on Commissioner Gordon's crotch but Batman grabbed it and tossed it out the window just in the nick of time.

BOOM!

The grenade exploded outside of the building.

Batman took the cotton ball out of the commissioner's mouth.

"I really hate these checkups," Commissioner Gordon said.

———————

In a hideout far across downtown Gotham, Phoebe sat on the floor reading one of her books while the Joker was busy drawing some blueprints.

Harley Quinn was singing a tune, skipping happily toward the Joker.

Phoebe noticed the outfit she was wearing, it was a short, red dress.

"...uh, what are you wearing aunt Harley?" Phoebe asked.

"My Sunday best sweetie," replied Harley.

She turned to the Joker.

"A-hem!" she called.

No reply.

Harley frowned and crawled on top of the desk where the Joker was working.

Phoebe was confused.

What was her aunt Harley trying to do?

"A-hemmm..." called Harley again.

"Go away," barked the Joker, not looking up from drawing his blueprints, "I'm busy."

"Aw, c'mon puddin'" Harley whined, "don't ya wanna rev up your Harley? Vrooom! Vrooom!"

The Joker pushed Harley off the table and landed with a thud. He drummed his fingers on the desk.

"Oh sweetie..." said Harley in a sing-song tone of voice, "I brought the whoopee cushion!" She pressed her hand on top of the whoopee cushion and-

BLATT!

The Joker only sighed.

Then, he pounded his hands on the desk and shot straight up.

"Batman was right!" said The Joker, kicking a crumpled paper ball aside, "that setup today was corny, old-hat. It's time I capped off our feud with his ultimate humiliation," he scanned through a series of papers, "followed by his deliciously, delirious, death."

Phoebe and Harley Quinn began to think of ways to finish off Batman.

"We could set the Batmobile on fire from the inside," said Phoebe, "or plant his belt with wires to electrocute him from the waist up."

"Oh, Phoebe, those are nice suggestions, I'll take them into consideration, my dear," said the Joker, patting Phoebe's head.

"Why don't you just shoot him?" Harley asked.

The Joker was shocked.

He turned to Harley and repeated, "Just shoot him?"

The Joker turned to Harley Quinn and began walking toward her, causing her to walk backward.

"Know this my sweet," barked the Joker, "the death of Batman must be nothing less than a masterpiece. The triumph of my sheer comic genius over his ridiculous mask and gadgets!"

He squirted a trick flower at a Batman dummy but instead of water, acid poured out and melted half of the dummy's face.

The Joker walked back to his desk and noticed one of the blueprints, causing him to perk up a bit, "well, hold the phone!," he picked the paper up, "here's one I forgot! The Death of a Hundred Smiles! I'll lure Batman to a secret lair then-BANG!"

Harley Quinn and Phoebe flinched as he punched the air.

"Plop him into my specially prepared piranha tank!" continued The Joker, laughing, "the last thing he'll see are all of those beautiful, hungry smiles as they rip him to... to... oh, wait. Now I remember why I scrapped this plan."

He tossed the blueprint to the side.

"Piranhas can't smile," said the Joker, sitting on the top of the stairs, "not even my own Joker-toxin couldn't get a giggle out of them."

Phoebe sat beside him and hugged his arm.

"Aw, don't be sad uncle J," said Phoebe, "you're just going through a slump, that's all. My teacher said that everyone gets into a slump once and a while. The important thing is that you find your way back out of it eventually."

The Joker smiled a little at Phoebe.

"Ah, Phoebe, thank you, darling," said The Joker, giving her a little hug, "you always know just what to say." Phoebe smiled a bit.

Harley Quinn walked up behind the Joker and caressed his green and black hair, "I know how to make some smiles puddin'..."

Phoebe looked at the couple with a raised brow.

She didn't know what Harley Quinn meant but at the next second, she saw the Joker drag her by one of her ponytails and toss her out into the back alley with the hyenas, Bud and Lou.

The seven-year-old looked at the back door for a while before climbing back up the stairs.

The Joker went back to his desk, drawing up a bunch of blueprints.

"Um, uncle J?" pipped Phoebe.

"Hm?" hummed the Joker, not looking up from the paper he was scribbling on.

"D-Don't you think you were a little too hard on aunt Harley?" Phoebe asked, nervously, "I mean, she really did try to help with today's heist at the dentist and offered a good idea to get rid of Batman."

The Joker turned his chair around to face Phoebe.

"Phoebe," said the Joker, "Phoebe, Phoebe, darling little Phoebe. I'm not hard on your aunt Harley. I'm just, merely exhausted, is all. Trying to finish Batman really takes a lot of me and I tend to lash out at her, but, I'm not hard on her."

He pulled Phoebe close to him in a hug, "Does that make sense dear?"

"Well, um... I guess so," Phoebe replied, muffled in the Joker's embrace.

"I'll tell you what," said the Joker, "I promise that I'll be a little nicer to your aunt Harley from now on. Pinky swear."

He held his pinky out to Phoebe.

"You really mean it?" Phoebe asked.

"On my honor," replied the Joker.

Phoebe excitedly conjoined her pinky with his.

"Alright," said the Joker, "why don't you go... feed the hyenas or something. 'kay dear?"

Phoebe nodded and rushed off, leaving the Joker alone with his thoughts.

She was glad that she could always count on her beloved uncle J for anything.

In fact, he was the one who took her in after she escaped from her foster home a year ago.

December 18th 9:34 pm.

KNOCK!

The Penguin opened the door to Phoebe's dressing room/bedroom.

"Phoebe, my dear, fifteen seconds to the stage," he said, "we've got customers waiting."

"Coming Mr. Cobblepot!" answered Phoebe, rushing outside and fixing the buckle on one of her shoes.

She wore a light blue dress shirt, a long purple skirt with a belt, and yellow kitten-heeled shoes with buckles.

She walked alongside the Penguin.

"Is the pianist ready?" Phoebe asked.

"He's been practicing all morning," answered the Penguin.

"The lights?"

"All tuned and tested."

"What about the microphone?"

"I added fresh batteries twenty minutes ago."

"And, how do I look?", Phoebe did a little twirl.

The Penguin chuckled, "like a little porcelain doll. Everyone out there is going to love you tonight. The profits of tonight's show will skyrocket."

From the corner, Phoebe heard the sound of someone whistling a tune she never heard before.

She turned around and spotted a figure leaning against one of the doors, whistling. The figure grinned at Phoebe and winked.

Phoebe was taken aback.

Who was that guy?

"Phoebe," called the Penguin, "I'm ready whenever you are."

"O-Oh, yeah," stammered Phoebe, "I'm ready."

They walked outside the hallway and the Penguin directed Phoebe to the stage.

The performance went off without a hitch and Phoebe was met with a sea of applause. Some men started to cry after hearing her beautiful singing voice.

As she opened the door to her dressing room to eat and rest, she noticed a small bouquet of roses with a card on top of the makeup table.

The card said:

"Great Show Tonight. Don't come for me, I'll come for you." -J.

Phoebe was confused.

Who was this mysterious J person?

She picked up one of the roses and gave it a sniff.

It smelled nice and she smiled.

The following evening, after another successful performance, Phoebe sat at one of the tables away from the customers, devouring her plate of fish sticks, French fries, and molten lava cake The Penguin's chefs prepared for her hours before.

As she was eating, the sound of footsteps got closer and closer to her table.

"Hello," said a voice.

Phoebe looked up and wiped her face with a napkin before replying, cheerfully, "hello!"

"I have to say, my dear, tonight's performance was as stunning as ever. You certainly have a wonderful voice."

The figure sat down across from Phoebe.

"Thank you," Phoebe said.

She looked up to get a better view of the person sitting across from her and was surprised, to say the least.

"Hey, you're the guy who was in the hallway whistling last night," said Phoebe, "who are you?"

"My card," the figure said, handing Phoebe a playing card with a clown on it. On its corners was the letter J.

"Joker?"

"In the flesh," replied the Joker.

Then, it clicked.

The J on the note was the same J on the card.

Phoebe asked, "Were you the one who left those flowers on my desk?"

"Yes," replied the Joker, "I was the one who put them there."

"Why? I mean, it was really nice of you and all," said Phoebe, "it's just that... nobody's ever left me something like that before."

"It was a simple gesture," answered the Joker, "a gesture that really put a smile on my face. It makes me feel that there's someone I can relate to. Someone who might like to hear my secrets."

"Secrets?" asked Phoebe, "what secrets?"

"That, my little friend, is a story for another time," said the Joker, popping a few French fries in his mouth, "I'll stop by your dressing room tomorrow night and we can talk."

With that, the Joker got up and left, leaving Phoebe alone again.

As he promised, the Joker returned to the Iceberg lounge after closing time the following evening.

After whipping up two chocolate milkshakes for her and the Joker, the two began to talk. Phoebe first told the Joker the story of her life up to now.

How her biological mother abandoned her at four years old, her adventures when she lived in Gotham City Orphanage, the hardships and abuse she faced when she was adopted by a woman named Harriet and was trained as her personal servant, the night when she escaped that home and lived on the streets, singing for money, and the day the Penguin found her and offered her a job to sing every night for the patrons that came into the nightclub in exchange for shelter.

The Joker listened to Phoebe's story with keen ears until it was his turn to speak.

Phoebe made herself comfortable and was prepared to listen to whatever the Joker had to say.

"You know, when I was your age, my father used to beat me up pretty badly."

Anything except that.

"Really?" asked Phoebe, "what did he do?"

"Every time I got out of line- BAM!," The Joker punched the air, "or sometimes I'd just be sitting there doing nothing-POW!"

Phoebe cringed as the Joker punched the air again.

"Pop's tended to favor the grape, y'see," said the Joker.

Phoebe nodded.

"There was only one time I ever saw dad really happy," said the Joker, getting up from his seat, "he took me to the circus when I was seven. I still remember the clowns running around dropping their pants."

He laughed causing Phoebe to smile a bit.

"My old man laughed so hard, I thought he'd bust a gut!" he laughed, "so, the very next night, I went around to meet him with his best Sunday pants around my ankles. 'Hi dad! Look at me!', ZWOOP!", the Joker's own pants fell off revealing his boxer shorts, "I took a big pratfall and tore the crotch, clean out of his pants!"

This caused the Joker to burst out laughing.

Now, the one thing everybody knows about laughter is that it's very contagious. So, the minute the Joker started laughing, Phoebe started to laugh along with him.

She laughed so hard that tears started streaming down her face.

"...and then he broke my nose."

Phoebe stopped laughing and gasped in shock.

"But hey, that's the downside of comedy my dear girl, you're always taking shots from folks who just don't get the joke," said the Joker, "like my dad... or Batman."

"Batman?" Phoebe gasped, "you saw Batman?"

"Many, many times," answered the Joker.

In the weeks that followed, the Joker kept coming to the Iceberg lounge around closing time, and together, he and Phoebe sat around hours sharing stories, messing with the seals swimming in the large pool, and taking long walks around the block.

Sometimes, the Joker would even bring Phoebe gifts he bought, I mean, stole.

On Christmas night, the Joker gifted Phoebe a silver necklace with a pendant shaped like a star. The same necklace she wears now.

Phoebe enjoyed the Joker's company and thought all of his jokes and gags were funny.

Then, came that horrible week where the Joker didn't show up at closing time.

Phoebe was worried for her friend and spent hours looking out the window for the clown before going to bed. Once, the Penguin had even found Phoebe sleeping by the window after she spent the whole night keeping watch by the window.

After a week, Phoebe was preparing to sit down and order something to eat after a performance when she spotted someone with the Penguin.

Was it? Could it be?

It was!

"Mister Joker!" she cried, leaping into the clown prince of crime's arms, "oh mister Joker! You came back! You came back!"

"Of course, I came back Phoebe dear," said the Joker, "I always do. In fact, I came back because I have a little proposition for you."

"What is it?" Phoebe asked.

"How would you like it if you came and lived with me?" the Joker asked.

"Really? Y-You, want me to live with you?" Phoebe asked, her eyes going wide.

"Of course, my child," said the Joker, "we can be the family you've always wanted. You, me, and my beloved Harley Quinn."

Phoebe gasped and while jumping for joy she cried, "oh, yes! Yes, yes, yes! Thank you, mister Joker! Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"Then it's settled," said the Joker, "the car will come and pick you up tomorrow morning behind the club, and then, you'll be off to your new home.

The Joker got up to leave but he turned around and said, "oh, and by the way, Mister Joker? It's too formal. Call me Uncle J, everyone does."

The next morning, the Penguin and Phoebe were standing outside the nightclub. The Penguin brushed off any dust off of Phoebe's outfit.

"Now, you be good my dear," said the Penguin, "and remember that you always have a place here at the lounge."

"I will," said Phoebe, giving the Penguin a big hug, "goodbye Mr. Cobblepot. Thanks for everything."

The Penguin was taken aback but smiled and hugged Phoebe back.

Then, picking up her duffel bag, Phoebe waved goodbye to the Penguin and slowly began to walk away from the nightclub she called home for the past five and a half months.

The Joker had given her simple instructions to follow. She had to go to the back alley behind the Iceberg Lounge and a white van would be parked there waiting for her.

She looked around the area as she walked.

"Hi!" pipped a cheery voice.

Phoebe gasped and saw Harley Quinn outside the van, holding up a sign with balloons that said "Welcome Phoebe".

"Your ride's right here Phoebe," said Harley Quinn.

Phoebe nervously took the clown's hand as she led her inside the van. Two men were in the front seat.

"A-Are you Harley Quinn?" Phoebe asked as she buckled up.

"Call me Harley," she said, "everyone does! Or, you can call me aunt Harley if ya like!"

Phoebe blinked but smiled all the same.

"Yer so cute!" Harley Quinn cooed, pinching Phoebe's cheek, "no wonder Mister J took ya in. The gang could use a cute little face like yours around here!"

Phoebe rubbed her cheek.

Then, Harley Quinn patted the edge of the front seat and ordered, "Rocco! Henshaw! Let's get a move on! Mister J's expecting us!"

Henshaw, the guy on the left, accelerated the van and Phoebe looked out the window as they drove off towards the girl's new future

It was a moment Phoebe would never forget. She smiled at the memory and looked up at the Joker's desk from above.

She could always count on her Uncle J for anything.

"Bud, Lou! Dinner time!"

Phoebe opened the door to the back alley a while later where Bud and Lou were hungrily eying their food bowls filled with raw steaks.

"Hey Aunt Harley," said Phoebe, putting the bowls down and letting the hyenas devour their food, "do you want me to make you a-"

When she looked up, there was no sign of Harley Quinn.

Where did she go?

"Aunt Harley?" called Phoebe, "Aunt Harley!

No response.

The girl shrugged.

"Maybe she went out for a walk and will be back later," she thought.

She went back into the warehouse where inside, the faint sound of ringing from upstairs.

As she ascended the staircase, she saw the Joker pacing and tossing blueprints around.

RIIIING!

RIIING!

Phoebe turned to the source of the ringing sound, the telephone on the desk was ringing. The Joker, however, was too engrossed in his blueprints to notice.

"Boring, lame, not funny, been done, too Riddler," he said, tossing blueprints left and right.

Phoebe picked up a few and called out, "Uncle J! Telephone!"

The Joker marched over to the telephone and angrily picked up the receiver, blueprints sprawling all over the floor.

"WHAT?!" he yelled, causing Phoebe to flinch.

He calmed down when he heard Harley Quinn's voice on the other end.

"Harley? Oh, where the heck have you been?" asked the Joker.

Phoebe helped the Joker pick up the blueprints and placed them neatly on top of the desk.

"Uh-huh... Batman ey?" said the Joker, "mm-hmm, yeah, yeah, oh, you don't say... uh-YOU HAVE WHO TIED UP WHERE?!"

Phoebe jumped back in surprise, a look of rage was spread on the Joker's face. -

VRROWW!

The Joker sped down the road in his large purple car into the night. Phoebe was sitting next to him with a concerned look.

"Um, are you OK?" Phoebe asked the Joker, "you didn't say much on the way out."

The Joker stared at Phoebe angrily and accelerated his car.

They stopped outside an abandoned warehouse.

The Joker started stomping up to the door but Phoebe chased after him.

"Uncle J, no, calm down!" Phoebe cried.

"I'M PERFECTLY CALM!" the Joker shouted.

He inhaled through his nose and turned back to Phoebe, "I just need to have a word with your aunt Harley. It won't take nothing more than a second Honeypie."

"You're not gonna hurt her, are you?" Phoebe asked, nervously.

"Of course not!" said the Joker, "your aunt and I are just going to have a little chat, is all. Phoebe, you've been a good girl today, take this and buy yourself an ice cream cone. There's a nice little place around the corner."

He handed Phoebe two crumpled twenty-dollar bills.

Phoebe stared at the money and then back at the Joker.

"O... O-Ok," replied Phoebe, rushing to the ice cream plaza around the corner before it closed.

After waiting in line and ordering herself a scoop of Butter Pecan in a waffle cone, she walked down the street singing a Frank Sinatra tune while happily licking her ice cream, back to the Joker's car.

No more than a few minutes have passed when-

CRASH!

Phoebe looked up to see a figure fall out the window of the warehouse and land in the alley.

The girl rushed over to see who the figure in the alley was but when she saw a familiar black and red long-sleeved, white-gloved arm, she let out a loud gasp.

There was Harley Quinn, battered and beaten, a trail of blood escaped her mouth.

"Aunt Harley?!," gasped Phoebe, she rushed over to Harley Quinn's side, "AUNT HARLEY!"

She sat by Harley Quinn and began to gently shake her, "UNCLE J, UNCLE J!, aunt Harley wake up, please wake up, HELP!"

Phoebe tried to wake up her aunt Harley but to no avail.

All she mumbled was, "...my fault... I didn't get the joke."

Phoebe's olive-green eyes began to water, she couldn't die, she couldn't. The girl burst into tears as she desperately tried to get Harley Quinn to get up.

She tried screaming for help but nobody came.

Misty-eyed, Phoebe turned to the broken window and her eyes narrowed.

"Batman," she growled, "he did this to aunt Harley and-" her eyes widened with horror and gasped, "Uncle J!”

Before she rushed inside, she turned to the battered body of Harley Quinn and said, "don't worry aunt Harley, I'm gonna get help."

No reply.

Quickly, while wiping away her tears, Phoebe dashed inside the warehouse and darted up the staircase.

"Uncle J! Uncle J!" Phoebe cried, "Uncle J, where are you?!"

She came to a halt the minute she saw the Joker rushing outside of a room.

The girl was relieved to see that the Joker was alright.

"Uncle J!" she cried, rushing over to the clown prince of crime.

"Phoebe?"

Phoebe leaped into his arms and wrapped him up in a big hug.

"Uncle J, I was so worried about you!" Phoebe exclaimed, "We have to call for help, Aunt Harley's hurt! Batman pushed her out the window! She's bleeding real bad!"

"... don't worry my darling," said the Joker, "we'll get her help but right now, we have a bat on our tail!"

The Joker grabbed Phoebe's wrist and together, they ran up the stairs and onto the rooftop, Batman following behind them.

"Hold on tight darling," said the Joker, putting Phoebe on his back and jumping off the rooftop. The Joker held onto a railing but it broke off causing him and Phoebe to plummet down.

Phoebe screamed and screamed and screamed.

"Phoebe, Phoebe, Phoebe..."

Phoebe opened an eye to find herself on top of a moving subway.

She caught her breath and got onto her feet.

They both laughed out of shock and the Joker looked up to find Batman standing on the rooftop of the warehouse.

"Made you look!" called the Joker, laughing as the subway sped away.

The Joker stuck out his tongue at Batman.

"Nyah-Nyah-Na-Nyah-Nyah!" jeered the Joker.

"She almost had me you know," said a voice behind them.

They turned around to find Batman standing in front of them.

Phoebe gasped.

The Joker held onto Phoebe's wrist tight.

"Arms and legs chained, dizzy from the blood rushing to my head. I had no way out other than convincing her to call you," said Batman, "I knew your massive ego would never allow anyone else the honor of killing me. Though I have to admit, she came a lot closer than you ever did... puddin'.

That made the Joker's blood boil and with a roar, he lunged at Batman and the two broke into a huge fight.

Phoebe watched in horror as the Joker and Batman punched and kicked each other until they were covered with bloody lips and bruises all over their bodies.

At the last resort, the Joker pulled out a switchblade and began to charge at Batman but-

BAM! Batman punched the Joker causing him to bump into Phoebe causing the two of them to fall off the subway and plummet down, down, down, into the unknown.

Batman watched them fall as the subway drove away into the night.

"...Though the Joker is notoriously known for resurfacing when least expected, it is unlikely that Gotham's clown prince of crime has survived his latest brush with Batman..."

At least, that's what the news reports said.

After he and Phoebe fell off the subway roof, the Joker was keen to escape back to the hideout as quickly as possible before the police found him.

Back at the hideout, Phoebe stared out the window dressed in her pajamas, looking at the stars.

Luckily for her and the Joker, they managed to escape with only a few minor injuries, but she was still worried about Harley Quinn.

Would she be alright?

Where did she go?

Was she-

Phoebe tensed for a bit when she heard the door to her bedroom open and close slightly.

On the bed was a small bouquet of flowers, just like the one the Joker gave her the first day they met, and attached to the bouquet, was a card.

It said:

"Your Aunt Harley's going to be fine. I took care of all the medical junk. Love you tons."-J.

Phoebe smiled at the note and looked up.

Regardless of the Joker and Harley Quinn's love relationship, they were still a family, and Phoebe wouldn't have it any other way.

—————

THE END

—————

Well, there you have it!

This was the retelling of the comic/episode "Mad Love", from "Batman: The Animated Series" featuring my Batman: TAS OC Phoebe.

Please read, review, and no hateful comments, please.

#batmantheanimatedseries #madlove #thejoker #harley quinn #OC

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bukojuiice · 3 years

Text

a love like the movies — todoroki shoto

ೃ pairing: (new pro hero! shoto todoroki x female reader)

ೃ warnings: none

ೃ genre: fluff overload

ೃ word count: 2,024 words

ೃ 𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐠𝐨 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐦𝐚𝐮 (𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐝𝐨 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞! 𝐮𝐰𝐮) 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 (𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐦𝐞 𝐜:)

ೃ 𝐢 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐬𝐨 𝐬𝐨 𝐬𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐟𝐮𝐧 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬. 𝐢 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐮𝐲𝐬 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫!!

ೃ 𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐨: 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐲 𝐛𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐱 𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐲

ೃ Shoto spends his only day of rest and relaxation by watching iconic tv shows with you

Being one of the top pro-heroes of Japan, Shoto Todoroki always had a tight schedule. May it be fighting off villains, attending interviews from local and international news, managing his father's hero agency, or seeing through the internship of some aspiring heroes, he barely has enough time to be with his family and loved ones. Today, Shoto has one and a half days off before he has to go off to this big mission in the South of Japan.... and what better way would the Top No. 3 Hero do than spend it than with you? "Hey (Y/N)." Shoto calls out to you, in his usual monotonous voice that you know and love, holding a bag of popcorn. "What's up?" You look up to him, whilst propping the pillows on the couch and the table for your TV show marathon. "I got a joke.." He says monotonously, to the point you couldn't even tell if he was even about to say a joke or not. "Is your name Ariel?" "Why?" You ask, playing along with his joke. "Because I think we mermaid for each other." He stifles a laugh, trying his best not to laugh out loud (at a joke he apparently made on his own) as he jumps onto the couch. "Oh my goddd Shoto-kun." You groan loudly, shaking your head. "Since when were you one to make dad jokes? This is slightly out of character for you in all honesty." You cross your arms, still trying to process the fact that your boyfriend. The ever so proud and handsome, Todoroki Shoto, literally just said a dad joke right in front of your face. As in directly to you. Who knew this day would come? "Kaminari said that you'd fall even more head over heels in love with me if I told you a dad joke" He deadpans, cuddling up next to you. "I missed you too much." He pecks your cheek and you couldn't help but giggle. It was a pleasant surprise when your Half Cold-Half Hot boyfriend was in your doorstep this morning. You initially thought that he would be spending his whole day resting, but he did promise that he would at least have a movie or TV marathon with you before he had to go off in a important mission. You just felt guilty that he had to spend it on his only day of rest and relaxation for the month, and then he's back to work. "These are the shows that Izuku recommended." You show him DVDs of Friends, The Office and How I met your Mother. "After all, you do want to watch some old popular sit-coms right?" "Aside from that, Izuku might have slipped and confessed to me that you said that you've been dying to watch some of these." He looks at you and tilts his head, grabbing one of the DVDS. "Well then, let's get to it." "I have a list of some of the most recommended episodes of each show right here." You bring out a piece of paper, hundreds of words scribbled onto it. The love of your life couldn't help but laugh at your eagerness and your interest at the shows that you two were going to be watching. "I'll go cook up some Cold Soba for the two of us. Are you sure you're fine with setting up the TV?" "Yes... I mean Of course!" You nod profusely. "It'd be a huge mess if I was the one who cooked our food instead." Shoto smiles at you and ruffles your hair as he stands up from the couch and heads to the kitchen. After fixing everything up, You put in the 5th Season DVD of The Office (as Izuku had recommended it had one of the best episodes in the series) and you press on the remote control for it to skip to the 13th episode titled Stress Relief. Shoto comes back earlier than expected with two bowls of Cold Soba on both of his hands. "So...what did I miss?" "Gee. That was fast." You get one of the bowls and chopsticks from him and start munching on the noodles. "Not that I'm complaining though. Amazing as always Pee Pee guy." You giggle. "You're really bringing that back huh?" He smirks at you and puts down his bowl of soba. You wonder why until he scoots over to you and slides his hands on your waist. Now, you knew exactly why. "Hey! Stop it! You might think I'm All Might's love child!" You laugh, teasing him again, even though you were already being tickled mercilessly. Shoto stops for a second to give you an enticing glare and then tickles you again, only harder this time. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) The episode had started playing as the intro of the Office appeared in the screen. Shoto stops tickling you as he didn't want to waste more time than he already has, and the two of you start watching You take a deep breath, trying to recover from your endorphin rush. "You have to watch the intro to this episode! It's hilarious!" You nudge Shoto, wanting him to pay more attention. The two of you start snickering when one of the main characters, Dwight, as a way to teach fire safety, sets a fire in an office trash can with a cigarette, saying "Today smoking will save lives." with a straight face. Chaos then ensues in the episode. During the subsequent panic, the office's only copy machine was destroyed, one of them smashes a window to call for help, and an improv of one of the characters, taking advantage of the havoc by raiding the snack machine. One of the female worker characters even had a cat hidden in her file cabinet, and she had tossed it into the air vent so that it could escape. You were already laughing your heart out, looking at Shoto to see if he was laughing the same way as you were too, only for your glance at him to time perfectly, as he lets out a burst of laughter; one that you rarely see from him. Your eyes lit up and you feel your heart burst from seeing your usually so stoic and stern boyfriend, show such an array of positive emotions. "Why is this funnier than it should be?" His cute laugh echoes throughout your apartment. "I have to go do this with Izuku and the others some time." You laugh along with him, "Make sure to call me up if ever you guys ever end up making one!" You watch a few more episodes until you hear rain pouring outside. You pause the episode that the two of you were watching for a minute, and then stood up to look outside the window. "This is so cool! It really sets the mood!" You jump up and down as you couldn't contain your excitement and rush to your room. Your boyfriend looks at you puzzled, as he didn't know what you were being so happy about, until you came back from your room with a long and big fuzzy blanket. "It's cuddle weather!" You sit back on the couch and nuzzle next to Shoto, putting the blanket on top of the two of you. You rest your head on his shoulder and continue watching. You ended up watching all the episodes of season five of The Office for the whole morning. You took a look at the time. It was already the afternoon and you had several more hours to spare, so you then pop in a DVD of the 3rd season of Friends. "Rachel and Ross' relationship is really getting on my nerves." Shoto pouts in disappointment. You chuckle lightly because of how cute he looked and because of how interested he was. "There's so much drama in this series. How come Izuku considers this as one of his favorite shows?" He shakes his head yet continues watching. "They were on a break." You nudge his arm, referencing one of Ross' most iconic lines. "You know what? Speaking of breaks, I'm going on a bathroom break." He stands up from the couch and goes straight to the bathroom. You giggle at his sudden interest in the show, since he is now able to have his own criticisms and opinions on it. He comes back with a huge grin on his face. You look up at him. "Hm? Anything wrong?" "Hey, how you doin? "He says in a thick Japanese accent as he winks at you, trying to copy Joey's iconic pick-up line from the show. "Oh my goddddd Sho-kun." You groan at his antics again. "I can't even give you a pass for that. That was a really bad joke." On the inside however, you wanted to die of embarrassment and of giddiness. His sudden spike of confidence and how hot he looked whilst reciting one of the most iconic tv show lines of all time. You just wanted to tackle him down and cuddle all night, just from him saying that line alone. You were that aroused. "If Joey can get a girl to fall for him through that line, then why can't I do it on you?" "Because- I'm not like one of those girls... I'm one of a kind." You wink back at him. "Okay now that was a bad joke." "Yea yea I know... Let's just get back to watching Friends." The last episode of the season ended with the beach house, and you turned to look at Shoto for his comments. "Chandler really was the star of the show in this season. So was Phoebe. You know, I'll bet you 500 Million Yen that Chandler and Monica will end up together after that last episode." You were surprised at Shoto's attention to detail on the body languages of the characters. How'd he predict that the two would end up in one of the later seasons of the show "Wait til' Season Four." You boop his nose, keeping the spoilers for another future Friends marathon. The next show on your list was How I met Your Mother, though the show was quite similar to Friends, it did have a lot of good elements that the latter didn't have. Although the two of you just ended up watching the last few episodes of How I Met Your Mother since both of you were able to watch the previous seasons prior to your marathon. In the middle of one of the last episodes, Shoto gets comfortable and lays down on the sofa. He leaves a little space for you to sit on, though you didn't complain since you were too invested in the show. The last episode ends, and the credits start to roll. It was already the middle of the night and you were quite sleepy. You stretch your arms and lay down on his chest, Shoto brings you closer for warmth and whispers, "You know, I can't wait to tell our future kids our love story and tell them, "'And that kids is how I met your mother." You giggle and smile at his comment and slowly close your eyes, you hear the faint sound of the TV turning off and the rain still pouring outside, as you drift off to dreamland. "Midoriya. I'll probably be a bit late for our call time tomorrow." Shoto speaks in a soft voice on his phone, as a way to try and not to wake you up. "I just got into a little situation. Nothing big." Your boyfriend smiles, playing with your hair and looking at you with all the love he has to offer in this world. "Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow." Shoto whispers loudly and then ends the call. He turns off his phone and plants a kiss on your forehead. He closes his eyes, a contented smile on his face, as he also drifts off to sleep whilst you sleeping soundly on his chest. That night, both of you could not imagine spending an even better day with each other, but being in each other's arms. ♡ The End.

#todoroki shoto x reader #shoto x reader #todoroki x reader #todoroki shoto x y/n #shoto todoroki #shoto todoroki x reader #bnha #mha #my hero academia #shoto todoroki fluff #bnha x reader #mha x reader #mha fluff #bnha fluff #todoroki shoto #shoto todoroki x y/n #shouto todoroki #shouto todoroki x reader

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fairestwriting · 3 years

Text

title: piece of my world

word count: 1562

summary: Phoebe shuts off the game before she goes to bed, but it doesn’t seem to end there.

commissioned by @invaderphoeb ! hope you enjoyed it and thanks so much for the support <3 also available on ao3 here !

guidelines for commissions are here, in case anyone else is interested

That game had an interesting prologue.

Phoebe chuckles when she switches the phone off, letting her face meet the mattress for a second, smiling. She had fun with it, there were more chapters to look into later, but for now the prologue would have to be enough — It was that long already, all of its parts stretching far into the night.

She yawns, turning around on the bed, now laying on her back instead of her stomach. It had been her friend’s idea to have her play it, knowing her love for Disney movies and its villains, and she’s grateful for the recommendation. It had been a fun night.

But naturally, everything needs to come to an end, and this far into the night, Phoebe really needed to get some sleep.

Hopping off the bed, they leave their phone on the nightstand and dig into their closet for a couple moments before retrieving their favorite pajama set, changing without thinking about much of anything. They hang the clothes they’d been wearing previously on the chair near the desk, then get under the covers, snuggling up until they’re comfortable.

Pip, their dear teddy bear, had been resting on the nightstand, next to the phone, but soon enough it’s in their arms again, squeezed tightly as they nuzzled it with a small smile.

It’s funny seeing how the personalities of the villains translated into these characters, how they held that sort of familiarity she felt when she watched the movies, but turned into something new and refreshing. She didn’t know exactly who was who yet, just a handful of scattered names her friend had mentioned to her, but seeing some elements on the character’s designs, she had a couple of guesses here and there.

It was an interesting game, really. Phoebe was excited to play some more in the morning, she thinks, and drowsiness began to cloud her mind.

That cat, Grim, with his blue flames a boasting, prideful dialogue, and the headmaster Dire Crowley, with that mask and flashy blue clothing, stay in her mind for a bit. Kind of like they’re staring at him through water, Phoebe sinks into the pool of her thoughts, slowly fading away as sleep takes over, and they don’t leave.

What a funny game. She wonders which characters she’d get to know in chapter one — Which villains were personified there, and how. Crowley’s words, in that specific tone of voice he had, echo along incomprehensibly, and she thinks of this one red haired boy who had chased after Grim in the story.

In Phoebe’s blurred vision, he’s running like that, in those robes. She wonders where he was headed, briefly.

. . .

“What happened here?”

“Where the hell did this come from… who is this person?”

“Are they conscious? Everyone, step away…!”

The world blurs and unblurs, everything darkened with the still not faded unconsciousness of Phoebe’s brain — Not many thoughts run through her mind, is she dreaming? The place around her can barely be seen, but it doesn’t look like her room.

No, it doesn’t look like her room at all.

It’s purple all around, odd lighting comes from a chandelier and hanging lamp lights in a sort of lavender or reddish tone. There are windows on the walls, decorated with intricate framing that looped in all sorts of arabesque-like designs, long dark purplish curtains covering their corners, mirrors all around.

Near those walls, coffins floating ominously, emanating glow from a circle on their very centers that kept fading in and out, with all those people around him too, Phoebe notes vaguely, but he can barely move. He feels something poking at him, first at his wrist, then on his face—

“What are you doing? Don’t touch them like this, or it’ll be off with your head…!”

What…? Phoebe tries to open his eyes, but it’s difficult. The voice is eerily, slightly familiar, the line definitely so, taking her way back to watching the classic Alice in Wonderland in a rainy night, curled up in blankets and holding her—

The teddy bear. Where was it?

“Oi, it looks like they’re waking up…” A rougher, deeper voice comes into play after a couple of steps, Phoebe still can’t see right, but she knows there’s a man looming over her, intense eyes that stand out between darker skin and hair.

Her vision unblurs slightly, for a moment. She sees the slash of the scar across his eye.

“This looks strange…” A faraway mutter by an analytical voice, quiet yet it calls for Phoebe’s attention, she sees another tan man on the borders of the crowd, long hair cascading over his shoulder. A shorter one with white hair and red eyes standing by his side. “Kalim, stand behind.” He says, it comes out commanding, misplaced when it came to the image he got through

“Ehh, Jade, what’s going on? Did the entrance ceremony just get interesting?” Another faraway sound, a giggle among many other mutters.

“Mm, it seems so, Floyd.”

Blur again, but it doesn’t last too long before it leaves again, and the faint shapes of other people come back into Phoebe’s field of vision. The voices around Phoebe don’t stop talking, gawking at them like they’re some sort of lab rat to be experimented on, they want to stand up and tell them to back off, to ask where the hell they are, what sort of dream is this? But they can’t move at all, every limb feeling like it’s been cemented onto the floor.

Despite the way their eyes kept darting around, not even their lids could stay fully open—

“What the hell is that…” Someone else is giggling, leaning forwards, a sly smile with orange hair and red eyes.

“Shush, you’re gonna get into trouble, and we didn’t even get sorted yet..!” A person nearby, short dark hair and eyes of the same color, scolds them.

Phoebe is mostly trying to move. Wiggling fingers or toes, squirming, but it’s like they’re trapped into their own body, fading in and out of consciousness, only one foot into the bizarre dream, and the other…

“Has the headmaster not said he’d check where that person came from?” The voice near the one Phoebe could link the name Floyd to asks, just a tad closer, had he taken a couple steps towards them? “I don’t believe I see him anywhere.”

“Super weird, huh. I like it.” That Floyd drawls, sounding just on the edge of a giggle. “Hey, Jade, d’you think they’re from anywhere we know? Maybe some first year who just passed out here?”

“What are you… you two, get away from them, what excuse would you tell if they found you hovering over an unconscious body?” A new, unfamiliar voice perks up. Looking around drowsily, Phoebe finds the source of that duo, two tall teal-haired young men, a third, smaller and silver-haired one popping up between them through the crowd. “Keep away. This is not our problem to solve—”

“Eh, but Azul likes getting up on other people’s businesses, doesn’t he.” Floyd laughs.

“Now’s not the time for this!” A new voice scolds — the boy who’d said that familiar phrase, off with your head, she finds out he’d been small, red haired, and…

Realization hits even through the haze. Was that the game’s prologue?

“Really, where is that headmaster…”

“You know you can’t trust that guy, all he cares about is…”

“But it’s more interesting like this, right? Entrance ceremonies are so boring…”

Murmurs and more murmurs around them. Phoebe resigns herself to the dream. Maybe she’d wake up. Maybe she’d tell her friend about it tomorrow morning, laughing about how easily the game had trickled into her head, turning into this weird frenzied fantasy.

Because it wasn’t real, right? There’s no way something like this could be!

“Silence!” Another voice — One easily recognized, even before the eye-catching figure of a man in flashy garments and a bird mask steps in hurriedly. It’s that headmaster Crowley, his eyes glowing slightly in the dim light. “Don’t crowd around the unconscious person like this—”

“But do you know where they come from?” The scarred man with a deeper voice says, but takes a step back anyway. The headmaster looks around, frantic.

“Of course! Of course I do, perhaps they’re a student, just…”

“Is that… is that teddy bear glowing?”

The headmaster gasps, Phoebe feels a spark of energy hitting her mind again — Her teddy, she pleads in the back of her mind, trying to move, to look around, and she finally sees Pip, laying right next to her, who would now, but a soft glow emanates from the plush of its body. Phoebe’s efforts go towards stretching her arms to grab it, just hold it again, but it’s still impossible.

“This doesn’t look good.” The headmaster says in an uncharacteristic, quiet voice. “Students! Kindly do step back, I’ll be taking them to the infirmary?”

“But are they a student?” The bossy red-haired boy questions. “Headmaster?”

The voices begin to melt and muddle together like ingredients stirred into the same strange syrup — Phoebe sees glowing eyes through a mask very clearly as her body is picked up, internally panicking before the teddy bear is also taken from the floor and placed within her arms.

It doesn’t take too long for everything to go black again.

#twst #twisted wonderland #disney twst #disney twisted wonderland #twst oc #commissions tag #dire crowley #riddle rosehearts #jade leech #floyd leech #leona kingscholar #jamil viper #lis writing

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beelsnack · 3 years

Text

Any Port In A Storm - Commission for invaderphoeb

My first time writing for the Tweels!! I always get really excited when I get a TWST request or comm, and I also love the fish mafia. This one is for invaderphoeb! ^^

I'm still open for commissions if anyone is interested! You can check out my info here!

-----

“Come on, Floyd, give it back!”

The merman barely had to move to keep out of Phoebe’s reach. “Jump for it, Shrimpy!” he laughed, waving the pencil just above her head. She scowled, planting one hand on the table for leverage as she tried to reach.

“I’m not jumping, just give it back!”

“What’s the matter, scared of heights?” Floyd cackled, letting the tips of her fingers just barely brush against the pencil before yanking it out of reach again.

“Floyd,” both of them turned their heads to look at Jade, who was sat calmly on the other end of the circular booth. He hadn’t even looked up from his homework. “You should get back to work. I don’t think Professor Trein will be very pleased with you if you miss another assignment.”

“Aw, Jade, you’re no fun.” Floyd whined, unceremoniously dropping the pencil back onto the table. Phoebe snatched it up before he could change his mind.

With the exception of Floyd’s shenanigans, Mostro Lounge after hours was the perfect place to study. The cool blue lighting was much more calming than the deep reds and golds that the library was decorated in, and nobody would come bursting in to bother them except for Azul on occasion. Plus, there were snacks at the Lounge, which was always a plus.

Just as she was getting back into the groove, she heard Floyd huff next to her. “Hey, Jade?”

“I put C for question four.”

“Thank you~”

Phoebe stifled a laugh. “Man, twin telepathy must really come in handy, huh?”

“It does have it’s uses.” Jade chuckled. Floyd opened his mouth to say something, but whatever comment he was going to make was suddenly drowned out by a loud crack of thunder. The overhead light flickered dangerously, and Phoebe let out a squeak.

“I didn’t know it was gonna storm today.”

“That would involve you remembering to check the weather, Floyd.” Jade turned to look at Phoebe, who was gripping the edge of her seat so tightly that her knuckles were turning white. “Oh, dear.”

“Shrimpy doesn’t like thunderstorms, huh?” Floyd scooted over, close enough to feel when Phoebe flinched at the next roll of thunder. “Aw, they’re scared. You make cute faces when you’re scared, y’know?”

Phoebe whimpered, squeezing her blue eyes shut as a flash of lightning illuminated the Lounge. “Shut up, Floyd.”

“See, like that!”

With a sigh and an exasperated shake of the head at his twin, Jade stood. “From the sound of it, the storm is pretty intense. I suggest waiting it out here.”

“But I - “ Phoebe cut herself off with a shriek as a particularly loud clap of thunder rattled the windows. “O-Okay.”

“I’ll go see what I can scrounge up from the kitchen.” Even while off duty, Jade was one hell of a butler. “Floyd, will you stay here and keep Phoebe company?”

“‘Kay~”

With a slight bow, Jade disappeared through the swinging door that led to Mostro Lounge’s kitchen. One of the benefits of working at the Lounge was, if you worked, you ate. And since at least one of the twins was always working, they basically had free reign to go into the kitchen whenever they wanted. And so did Phoebe, as an apology for Azul almost killing them. A few times.

Floyd slung one lanky arm around their shoulder, tugging them against his side. “Don’t worry, Shrimpy! I won’t let the nasty storm get you, promise.”

Floyd smelled like sea salt, which was strange considering that they were nowhere near an ocean, but Phoebe just chalked it up to the whole merman thing and let herself be pulled against him. “I’m not that sc-”

The rain that had been building up behind the thunder and lightning finally let loose, sounding like a burst damn as it hit the roof of the lounge. Phoebe jumped, instinctively clinging to Floyd’s uniform jacket like the sudden flood was actually going to wash her away. The merman just laughed.

“Not that scared, huh?”

“Floyd, stop teasing her.”

Honestly, if she jumped any more she was going to start humming like an engine.

Jade slid back into the booth, setting a plate down in front of Phoebe. “There was one slice of strawberry cake left.”

Her head popped up from where she had buried it against Floyd’s shoulder. “Really? There’s never any left after the end of the day, that’s the Lounge’s most popular food!”

“Jade, did you hide some for Shrimpy?” Floyd asked, scooting closer to his brother so Phoebe was squished between the two of them. “Azul’s gonna be maaaad~”

“Azul doesn’t have to know,” Jade turned his gaze to Phoebe. “Now, will you come out of hiding or should I feed this to you myself?”

Grumbling, Phoebe peeled herself away from where she had plastered herself against Floyd’s torso. “I can feed myself, thank you.”

“Hey, Shrimpy, can I have a bite?” Floyd leaned down. “Since I let you cling to me like a guppy.”

Before she could respond, Floyd swooped in and stole the bite right off of her fork. “Hey!”

“Mm, yummy!” To Phoebe’s surprise, he kept leaning, forcing her to move with him until she bumped into Jade.

“Whoa, wait -”

“You don’t need to be so tense, Phoebe.” she could feel Jade’s voice vibrate against her back as the merman adjusted himself. She was completely sandwiched, with her back pressed to Jade’s front and Floyd getting comfy with his head nestled against her chest.

“Yeah, I told you, didn’t I?” Floyd grinned up at her. “We won’t let the storm get you.”

-----

That was strange.

Azul was pretty sure it was Jade’s turn to lock up the Lounge, and while Floyd tended to forget to shut the lights off, Jade was usually on top of everything.

He stepped into the Lounge proper, ready to flick the lights off and be done with it, when he looked up and saw them.

“...Do I want to know?”

Jade was sitting in one of the booths, with both Phoebe and Floyd sprawled on top of him, asleep. One hand was gently stroking through Phoebe’s short wavy hair while the other attempted to finish his homework.

“Phoebe doesn’t like storms.” he said simply.

“That doesn’t explain why you’re at the bottom of a cuddle puddle.”

#commission #twisted wonderland #disney's twisted wonderland #twst jade #twst floyd #twst jade x mc #twst floyd x mc #jade x mc x floyd

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phoebestarks · 3 years

Note

“Do you like my costume?” for phoebe? (any phoebe lol)

i'm gonna do bee chen :) (aka the mcu phoebe, for y'all that might wanna come after me again LMFAO) also the sentiment of her hating halloween is canon but this isn't how bee finds out about peter being spider-man sgsjsgshg

Okay -- weird secret -- but Bee hates, and I mean, absolutely HATES Halloween.

In practice, it should be her favorite. There's spooky stuff galore, the costumes are always really fun and she gets candy out of it. It should be the ultimate holiday for her.

Too bad it's her birthday.

Being born on October 31st, 2001 at 9:00 pm was the worst decision her dumb baby self could've ever made. If she had waited 3 more hours, she could've been born the day after. Sure, it's kind of just as bad, because everyone's hungover and moping about how they already miss Halloween, but nonetheless, Bee considers it significantly better.

Then she got to high school.

Close to 14, Bee Chen has been a superhero (albeit, she's probably more of a vigilante,) for a year and a half. It also means she's been working for Tony Stark for two. Now, this shouldn't be a major difference in her attitude change towards Halloween, but when she goes out to patrol and sees little kids trick-or-treating as Voltage, she starts to see the wretched holiday a little differently.

A month before her 15th birthday, Bee finds out her ex-boyfriend, Peter Parker, is Spider-Man through Halloween. It's not meant to happen - she just sees Peter's "halloween costume" laying in his room and tries on the mask. She's always wondered what it would be like to be Spider-Man. Then she tries it on, and the AI she programmed, KAREN, turns on, and lo-and-behold, Peter's not a Spider-Man cosplayer. He's goddamn Spider-Man.

She tries to look past it, and genuinely, she does - for a bit - but it's hard to take Peter seriously when he starts talking about the Stark Internship again. She knows who he is. That his internship isn't like her's. His is special.

So, she figures out a way to tell him she knows. That they're actually not only amicable best-friends/exes, but they're also partners-in-heroing. So she "dresses up" as Voltage. The plan should make sense, really. There's nothing that makes it seem like it won't work, so she just climbs out of her window, into his, and chills for an hour until he's done with patrols that night.

It's kind of nice to know his patrolling schedule for something like this. She remembers when "Spider-Man" thought of the idea and Bee almost snorted. She's not a Type A person, not like he is, so she almost didn't even agree to it. Thankfully, Spider-Man's pretty damn good at puppy dog eyes for a serial full-face mask-wearer.

Just as she considers leaving,"Spider-Man" pops open the window and just jumps through. How in the world has she never heard him thump as he lands?

Bee jumps into action. "So.....Peter, do you like my costume?" she says in the most comical voice she can think of, standing up from his bunkbed.

Peter - mask already off - stares at her bug-eyed. Huh. Bug-eyed. "How - what - huh -? Voltage - what are you doing here!" She laughs again. She forgets how jumpy he is sometimes. "I'm Bee, Peter."

Peter blinks rapidly. "But you're Voltage."

"Those things aren't necessarily exclusive, you know that, right? Just like how you're Peter Parker and Spider-Man?"

"Are- are you serious?"

"Deadly. Well, not deadly, since I wouldn't like, kill you, or anything, since you're like, one of my best friends, but...you know what, just take my word for it." Peter just stares at the rambling teenager. "Do you want me to like...shock you? Or something?"

"Nonono, I'm- I'm good. No thanks. I believe you. I think."

"You think? Look, I can shock you, I don't think it would hurt-" "You've shocked me-" Peter wipes his hands on his suit in an attempt to calm himself down, "enough for one day. No offense."

"None taken. Now seriously man, when were you going to tell me that you're Spider-Man!"

send a halloween prompt + an oc and i’ll write about it!

#bee chen #mcu!phoebe #brotp: bee + pete 5eva #halloween prompt ask game #this was so cute thank u for sending in this prompt!!!

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loveafterthefact · 3 years

Text

Love After the Fact Chapter 77: Reluctantly Home

Lance and Keith have a lot of adjusting to do. Especially Keith.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: - brief mentions of self harm brief mentions of substance abuse

Basically, Tavo has more routine questions about Keith’s physical and mental health

First Previous Next

Upon return to Altea, Adam and Pidge are led to a temporary medical station while Keith and Lance are ushered into a small room off the flight deck, where Tavo stands waiting, dressed in a body suit that includes a sealed hood and face shield. There’s a cart with some medical equipment on it, and a portable scanning arm and platform in the middle of the room.

“Welcome back, your Majesties. Crown Prince Lancel, kindly stand on this platform for a full body scan.” Lance does as he’s told, waiting patiently as the arm spins around and around. The scan takes several doboshes. When it’s Keith’s turn, the scan is significantly shorter.

“That’s it?”

“I don’t want to subject you to a full scan’s radiation,” Tavo explains. Not that that qualifies as an explanation. The physician gestures to a pair of chairs. “Please, your Majesties.”

Keith sits next to Lance, eyeing a tray of ten syringes. He tenses, discovering that he’s developed an aversion to needles, likely a result of all the injections he suffered during his last growth spurt.

“I have a few questions for you. Have either of you been experiencing: yellow pustules on the shins, loss of scales, loss of hair or fur, flaking or crusting skin, nasal congestion, obstructed vision, unexplained bleeding from any orifice including pores and tear ducts, chills, night sweats, swollen lymph nodes, body aches, headaches, fatigue, nausea, and/or vomiting?”

Lance shakes his head, visibly apprehensive. Keith nods. “Some fatigue last quintant and especially this one.”

Tavo makes a note on his datapad. “Headaches? Nausea? Changes in diet? Excessive and/or frequent urination?”

“No.”

Lance seems a little confused, but takes note that Keith is calm, collected, and completely unphased by Tavo’s questioning.

“Excellent. Let me know if you experience these or any other new phenomena.” Tavo writes something down on his datapad, then turns his attention to his tray of syringes.

“Now. Crown Prince Lancel, this is a nutrient serum to make up for certain deficiencies you may have acquired on your travels.” Lance removes his vest and tight shirt, lets Tavo clean a scaleless patch on his arm. The injection takes a long time, the fluid thick, viscous like glue or resin. That done, Tavo offers Lance a small cup with two tiny pills. “Excellent. Swallow these. They may give you diarrhea.”

“I beg your pardon?” Lance asks, not moving to take the pills.

“They will give you diarrhea if you have parasites. The parasites may kill you.”

“Diarrhea it is.” Lance takes and dry swallows the pills. “What’s next?”

“An antibiotic, and immune system booster, and boosters of various vaccines you both received either at your last physical or your arrival on Altea.”

Keith watches quietly as Lance receives seven more injections, three in that same arm, three in the other. Then he sits quietly for his two.

“That’s it. We’re all finished.” Keith notices that Tavo is being gentle with him, seems to sense his unease even before the needle pierces his skin. “Crown Prince Lancel, I must speak with Prince Yorak privately. Do you mind?”

“Not at all.” Lance rises from his seat, goes to stretch his arms over his head, only to think better of it. Instead, he kisses Keith’s cheek. “I’d better go and explain away our new pets. And that we will be receiving a gift in the form of some livestock. Meet you in our quarters?”

“Yes, thank you.”

After the door slides shut behind Lance’s retreating figure, Keith looks up to the physician expectantly.

“You have some small scars here on the inside of your arm. What are those from?”

“Oh. Those are from a port. I needed it during my growth spurt because I needed regular injections to help me grow.”

“I see.” Tavo makes a note on his datapad. “So you have no history of substance abuse or self harm, is that correct?”

“Yes.”

“And the skeletal abnormalities detected in your scans are related to…?”

“The inherited growth disorder from my mother that affects my growth plates and metabolism. It’s believed to be a gland abnormality, but the cause is still undetermined… It’s so rare, my disease doesn’t even have a name.”

Tavo’s already kind face softens. Keith wonders if he understands what that’s like, to not be able to name what’s wrong with his body. “I see. Forgive my questioning. Substance abuse can affect the health of a fetus, and your safety and well-being is also key.”

“Thace spoke to you?”

“He did indeed. I have this here…” Tavo hands over a sheet of foil cells. “In each of these cells is a daily prenatal vitamin. Just press down on the bubble, and the tablet should pop through the foil on the other side. We have a few options, all determined safe for both Alteans and Galra, so you needn’t worry. We’re starting you early, but we’d like you to keep us apprised of if they make you feel unwell, or if your body starts to reject them.”

“You mean if they make me puke?”

“Yes.” Tavo smiles. “We chose these because Thace said he could not smell or taste them, even when taken with water. I modified them a bit to accommodate an interspecial fetus.”

Keith nods, watches Tavo take and record some extra vitals.

“You’re actually in pretty decent health, given your… we’ll say ‘limited’ medical history and recent difficulties. I’m sure Thace has mentioned it, but we are concerned about your caloric intake. You’re a bit underweight as it is. Do you have any goals for your personal health during pregnancy?”

“Didn’t we go over this?”

“Yes, but now you are alone. No one is here but yourself, and a licensed physician bound to confidentiality. Even his Majesty the King would find it difficult to force information from me. He’d have to prove malicious intent.”

Keith nods. “I want to improve my personal physical condition in these early phoebs, then maintain that condition until delivery.”

Tavo nods. “I think that’s an appropriate expectation. Were your child fully Galra, they’d likely already have a heartbeat, but my scan detected nothing. This means you’re looking at a longer pregnancy.”

“Okay.” Keith yawns, quite suddenly very sleepy.

“Have you been feeling a lot of fatigue lately?”

“Only the past quintant or two, like I said. I'll be just fine and then- falling asleep on the spot.” Keith shrugs. “Why?”

“It’s one of the earliest symptoms of pregnancy. Do not ignore your body when it speaks to you. You may find yourself desiring Altean foods. If you can eat them, do so.”

“I will. May I be excused to take a nap then?” Seeing Keith’s playful quirk of the lips, Tavo chuckles, nods. “Thank you.”

When Keith finds his way to his quarters, Lance is waiting, passing him a hot cup of tea.

“Thank you… When did we start drinking so much tea?”

“No idea. What did Tavo want?”

“Kit stuff. He wanted to know if there was anything I hadn’t felt comfortable saying in front of you. Just asked how I was feeling, if there was anything I wanted. He gave me some vitamins, and asked if I’m normally as sleepy as I am.”

“Sleepy?”

“Very.”

“I take it that’s not normal,” Lance chuckles.

“Not at all. You know me: I sleep when you sleep. Right now?” Keith sets the tea down, settles his head on Lance’s collarbone with a happy sigh. “I could sleep standing up.”

Lance laughs, kisses his ear. “Okay, well how about we at least make it to the bed, huh?”

At Keith’s nod, Lance leads him there, an arm around his shoulders. “Will you join me?”

“I have some messages to respond to, but I’ll join you, yes.”

“Oh, did you need help?” Keith crawls into bed, the smell of fresh sheets pluming where he settles his weight.

“You can help when you wake up.” Lance picks the wolf cub up off the floor and into Keith’s reaching arms. “He’s already been out by the way.”

“M’kay.” Keith settles in, snuggling up to Lance until his head is in his lap, a purr thrumming deep in his chest. He can hear BleepBloop playing on the ladder to his loft. “Lance?”

“Beloved?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” Lance reaches around, rubbing Keith's belly. “And you, baby.”

“You know it’s just a wad of cells, right? It doesn’t even have a heartbeat.”

“Maybe so, but I love that little wad of cells with all my heart.”

Keith yawns, tongue curling, legs stretching stiff till they tremble, before he tucks his legs close to his chest, snuggling into the blanket Lance throws over him. The wolf cub mimics his behavior, yawning and stretching before curling up against Keith’s stomach.

“Lance?”

“Yes, beloved?”

“I love them too. So much.”

Lance’s fingers find his hair, the base of his ear, and Keith purrs louder as he starts to drift into sleep.

“I know you do, beloved.”

It’s a couple movements before Lance and Keith manage to get the kingdom back in order -mostly-, and subsequently a couple movements before Lance is able to meet Hunk and Shay’s new baby. Once he does have an opportunity, he doesn’t want to wait.

“You sure you’re okay by yourself?” Lance asks, eyes his husband with concern as he removes his cloak from their closet, putting his arms through the sleeves. The final phoeb of winter before thaw is the coldest. "I can wait."

Keith nods. “I’ll be fine. I think I’ll read or take a nap. My stomach isn’t feeling too good.”

“It isn’t?” Lance frowns. “It seems a little early for morning sickness.”

“It’s a little early for fatigue like this too, but here I am.” At Lance’s worried expression, he presses the issue. “Really, Lance. I’m just a little queasy, and not up for the ride. You can go. Wolf, BleepBloop and I will stay and rest.”

“Okay… Call me if you want me to come back, alright?”

“I will.” Keith kisses his mate, helping the man with his gloves. “Stay warm. I’ll see you soon.”

It’s a short, frigid walk out to the stables to where Bruna and Calik have been accommodated. Alfor was displeased with their presence, but ultimately admitted that they were cool after watching them rip apart a klaanmural. Coran was delighted from the very beginning.

Lance trots down the mountainside into the city, the elk carrying him much faster than a shreika every could. But, as Bruna carries him among the residential district, he has to admit that if Keith’s nauseous, the animal’s gait definitely won’t help...

“Hel-lo. Hel-lo. Oh, Ancients, aren’t you perfect!” Lance grins down at the little baby. Lance boops the infant’s nose, grinning. “Welcome to the world, little one.”

“We named her Nephele, after Shay’s grandmother,” Hunk says, leaning over the prince’s shoulder.

The infant looks like her parents: olive skin, golden eyes, brown, cartilaginous growths on top of her head. Her skin lacks the bumpy texture of her parents and older sister, presumably to ease birth. She sleeps soundly in Lance’s arms.

“She’s beautiful. Congratulations, man.” Lance grins so big that the corners of his eyes crinkle.

“Thanks, buddy.”

The infant starts to fuss, wriggling in Lance’s arms.

“Oh, okay. Okay, sweetheart. Here you go.” He passes Nephele back to her father, who rocks her.

“So… Where’s Keith?”

“He’s sleeping. He’s been feeling a bit under the weather for the past movement or so.”

Oh?- Oh! Really?”

Lance takes a deep breath, grinning even wider.

“Hey, that’s awesome! Well, it’s not awesome that he doesn’t feel good, obviously, but… That’s awesome. Seriously.”

“Yeah…” Lance smiles. “We’re really happy about it. We have gifts for you from Daibazaal, but I couldn’t carry them on Bruna. I’ll have them brought to you soon.”

“Aw, you didn’t have to do that!” Hunk grins, still holding his newborn.

“Oh, please.” Lance waves away Hunk’s protest. “It was our pleasure. Keith picked most of them, including a windchime for Nephele.”

“Oooh, that sounds cool! Say, what did you think of Daibazaal? Was it scary? Were the people not nice?”

Lance grins, sits down at the table, eager to talk all about the six movements he spent on Daibazaal. He talks until nightfall, until it’s time to put Nephele to sleep. Lance pokes his head into the bedroom, giving Shay a brief goodbye before letting her go back to sleep, taking advantage of Rosetta spending the night at a friend’s house.

“Alright, buddy. Have a good night now.” Hunk pulls his friend into a bone-crushing hug. “And let Keith know that if he feels up to visiting, he’s welcome. Or he can just come visit me in the kitchens.”

“Oh, I’m sure he’ll be doing the second one,” Lance chuckles. “Of course I’ll let him know.”

When he returns, he finds a very frustrated Adam marching up to him through the thick frost. “So your husband is throwing a tantrum.”

“Oh? What about?”

“I told him to go eat something. He didn’t like that.”

“Were you incredibly indelicate?”

“I was the normal amount of indelicate.”

“Right.” Lance followed his attendant up to the castle, passing him his animal-scented, frost-dampened cloak to take to the laundry. He knocks on their bedroom door before entering.

“Hey, beloved. What’s up?”

“Nothing,” the Galra bites, glaring down from his loft. “Tell Adam that he doesn’t own me.”

“I think he got the message, seeing as he came running to me the moment I left the barn.”

“Oh, so he thinks you own me? Is that what you guys think?”

Lance strips off his damp clothes, pulling on some of the clothes they brought back from Daibazaal. “Of course not, beloved.”

Lance is confused. He’s not at all sure why Keith is acting this way. He has some idea, of course, but either way, Keith is upset and Lance wants to fix it.

“What would you like to do?” Lance asks.

“I’d like to be left alone!”

“Okay.” Lance opens the doors to the garden, lets the wolf cub out to use the bathroom. BleepBloop is watching him from one the loft ladder, his new favorite spot. When the cub’s finished, Lance closes the doors to keep out the cold, and flops down on the couch in front of the fireplace to read Lanval’s latest report. “I’m going to take care of a few missives before I get some dinner. If you want to join me, you’re welcome to.”

Lance reads Laval’s report in full, annotating carefully, then reading it again to find connections within the information. The overall reaction to their return is relief. Altea just isn’t the same without the princes. It hasn’t escaped the court’s notice that they’re much closer than they were when they left. Gossip is rampant. At least, more so than usual.

He’s interrupted when Keith parks himself in his lap, burying his face in his shoulder. He sniffles.

“Hey, beloved.” Lance tugs on Keith’s hair, the way he’s done since that barely even knew each other. “Feeling better?”

“No.” Keith sniffles again. “Poor Adam. I was so mean.”

“I’m sure he understands, beloved.” Lance tosses his datapad aside, drawing Keith closer, wrapping him up in his arms. “Are you having mood swings?”

Keith nods, cuddles in as close as he can get. “I’m sorry.”

“I know. It’s okay, beloved. I know you didn’t mean it. I bet it felt awful.”

“It did,” Keith sobs. “I’m so sorry, Lance.”

“It’s alright, beloved. I forgive you.” Lance kisses the base of his ear, holding his husband while he cries out his tumultuous emotions. “Do you want anything? Some tea? Something to eat? I’m about to send for some dinner.”

“Okay,” Keith sniffles. “I can- I can eat something… Hold me?”

“Of course I will.” Lance squeezes him tight. “I adore you, beloved. With all my heart. No matter what.”

“I adore you, too.” Keith settles in with a hum, closes his eyes as Lance rubs at the base of his ear, kisses his forehead. They’re still like that, Keith curled up against his chest, Lance’s fingers in his hair, lips travelling his face, when their food arrives with Adam. The Atlean says nothing, only rubs Keith’s head between his ears like a little kit to try and make him smile.

It doesn’t quite work, but it helps, and by the end of the night, Keith’s nibbled his way through his meal and a snack, and seems to be feeling a bit better.

Definitely well enough to tease Lance about all his stupid new earrings.

#LoveAftertheFact #LAtF #klance #galtean au #altean lance #galra keith #adashi #altean adam #galra shiro #voltron legendary defender #vld

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frustrated-writer-skyeknight · 3 years

Text

My main Fanfic squad, but as F.r.i.e.n.d.s (so S.q.u.a.d i guess)

Chandler - Hiccup

Monica - Jack

Ross - Jim

Rachel - Dimitri

Joey - Astrid

Phoebe - Jamie

Scene One

Jack: You know I just don't get it. I mean, I didn't plan to quote 'ruin my marriage' unquote shortly after having one. I don't see why I'm the only one getting all the beef when it's Elsa who wanted the divorce to happen so soon.

Jamie: I mean... Mom still doesn't believe you had no idea she was a lesbian.

Jack: No, no. See, the plan was...

Hiccup: There was a plan for this?

Jack: The plan was... After a year, Elsa would file the divorce because 'Jack isn't suitable for marriage life' like I also kept telling our parents. Then, I finally come out to them as gay because 'this experience traumatized me from liking women' instead of saying I've been that way the whole time. Now turns out, she wants a divorce cause she's the gay one.

Hiccup: So you did plan to ruin it anyway?

Jamie: Then, tell mom and dad that.

Jack: I would, but it's Elsa's call and she doesn't really want to come out yet.

Hiccup: So, what are you going to do now?

Jack: Well, for the meantime, I'd be happy not to deal with any talks of my marriage or divorce for now.

Just then, Dimitri walks in during a hot stuffy day, wearing a tuxedo, of all things...

Hiccup: Okay, how about someone else's?

Dimitri: *goes up to the counter* Excuse me, hi. Uh, I'm looking for someone? I'm told they might be here.

Jack: Dimitri?

Dimitri: *turns around* Jack! Thank god. Nevermind, I've found him.

Jack: Why are you dressed that way? Wait, did you commute all the way over here in that?

Dimitri: I don't even have bills that aren't in rubles. I walked.

Jack: On a hot July heat wave? How are you alive?

Dimitri: Man, I don't know. I wish I was dead. I'm not having the best day.

Barista: Can I get you anything?

Jack: Iced tea. Grande size, thanks.

Jack and Dimitri move to the couch and the white haired man started introducing him to his friends...

Jack: Of course, you know Jim.

Dimitri: *elbows Jack roughly*

Jim: *raises a brow*

Jack: ...and you remember my brother, Jamie?

Dimitri: Of course, hey Jamie. Still think my grandpa is the boogeyman?

Jamie: He looks like a skeleton who sold his soul to add flesh over it. Boogeyman is being polite, in his case.

Dimitri snickers in response as he took a spot on the lounge couch while he waited for the iced tea ordered for him...

Jack: So are you actually going to tell us what happened or should I buy you a vowel too?

Dimitri: Okay... So an hour before my wedding, it literally dawned on me I was going to get married to Anastasia Romanov. And it got me thinking... Do I really want to spend the rest of my life as Dimitri Romanov?

Astrid: Huh, nice. Usually, the bride takes the groom's last name. Glad society's evolved enough to let it happen the other way.

Dimitri: *shrugs* Her last name carries more prestige. Which brings me to my next point... The luxurious life is appealing and all but I don't think it's really worth the boredom of putting up with the entitled rich highlanders in the monthly banquets. At least, that's not a life I want.

Hiccup: See, even the only ones who say that are those rich enough to afford saying it.

Astrid: Like you can talk. Your dad's a lawyer. You lived in a big house in the Suburbs in your childhood.

Dimitri: Anyway, long story short, I ran off from my wedding. And I went to where I knew Jack lived, but he wasn't at his flat. So this big guy wilting a piece of wood on the hallway told me I might find him here and you're the only one I know in the city that didn't come to the wedding.

Jack: ... I wasn't invited to the wedding.

Dimitri: What? But mother told me she sent you an invitation.

Jack: And you remember exactly how your folks feel about me, right?

Dimitri: Well, uh, my mother at least seemed convincing that she was making more attempts in being open...

Scene two

Hiccup: Ever notice that the most popular KDramas usually involve love triangles, petty jealousy, and cliché main guy heartthrobs?

Astrid: Maybe the ones you watch? Kingdom isn't like that.

Hiccup: Yeah, but the have the overused zombie infestation plot to make up for it.

Jamie: When will you guys just watch TV shows for their purpose?

Astrid: And what's that?

Jamie: Entertainment.

Hiccup: Well, when it's actually doing its purpose I guess.

Meanwhile, Dimitri was on the phone while Jim went to get a snack from the fridge....

Dimitri: I'm fine, uncle Vlad. And I'll feel much better if I wasn't hearing dad cussing like a sailor in the background. You know what, just put him on and let's get this over with...

Jack pauses his phone streaming Netflix before they all turned to not-so-subtly eavesdrop on Dimitri, even Jim stares at the Russian while nibbling on a muffin...

Dimitri: Yeah, it's m─dad no─Well, if you stop cursing my existence long enough to let me explain─Is mom there? Cause she'd be rubbing soap on your mouth by now!

Jim: Huh, dad troubles. *walks back to the den* Now I see why the Russian ran.

Hiccup: ... In your case, your dad ran though...

Jim: This muffin could be used as a lethal murder weapon, Haddock.

Dimitri: Znayete chto, k chertu eto, ya prosto skazhu eto. I'm gay, and always have been since forever. Even Anya knows!

Jack: Called it.

Hiccup: He was your roommate at college. Of course you called it.

Dimitri: Yeah well, tell mama I love her but screw you pops. It's my life, and I'm gonna live it the way I want...... Well, maybe I don't need your roof to return to. I'll just stay here....... Hey, he may be bottom feeder Jack to you, but he's my friend bottom feeder Jack!

Jack: I guess we established I'm still bottom feeder Jack.

Dimitri: It's my decision now, dad....... Well, maybe I don't want to keep my inherita─ No, no! I said maybe! *face falls and places the phone back on the counter and slumps on a dining room chair* Well, now I'm cut off. Shostakovitch... I don't know if the heatwave is just hitting now, or if I'm having a panic attack...

Jack snaps his fingers and went through the kitchen drawers to take out a paper bag and handed it over to Dimitri, telling him to breathe in and out of it...

Jack: Okay, just take calming breaths buddy. Calm, calm...

Dimitri: *breathing quickly, narrowing his eyes at Jack*

Jack: C'mon, don't look at me like that. Just... You know, think of less stressful thoughts. Think happy thoughts.

Dimitri: *inhales* I am *exhales* drawing a blank... Little help?

Jamie: 🎶Think of a wonderful thought. Any merry little thought... Think of Christmas, think of snow. Think of sleigh bells off you go!🎶

Dimitri: *throws off paper bag* Not like that.

Astrid: *shrugs* Made me happy.

Scene three

Dimitri: So, uh, listen James....

Jim: Dude, Jim is fine.

Dimitri: Right... So, I don't know if you knew this. But back in High school, I had a secret crush on you.

Jim: Oh, I heard of it. Didn't really think it was true, though.

Dimitri: Really? Why not?

Jim: Seriously? With practically everyone and their literal mothers going on about how you were gonna marry Romanov after college? Case in point, what you almost did hours ago. I thought they were just messing with me.

Dimitri: You did? Uh, so... I was wondering... Maybe I could take you out some time? Like... On a date? I mean, after the whole... Runaway groom thing dies down?

Jim: Well, we'll see.

Znayete chto, k chertu eto, ya prosto skazhu eto. - You know what to hell with this I'm just gonna say it.

Used google translate

#Hiccup Haddock #Jack Frost #Dimitri Sudayev #Jim Hawkins #Jamie Bennett #Astrid Hofferson

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bbrandy2002 · 4 years

Text

Happy Birthday @jessiembruno

Wacky Drabble 32: Papi Had A Rollin Stone

Prompt: I never lied to you.

Liam, Jessica, Leo, and Drake

It’s been a loooooong time since I wrote one of these. I just had to make time for this lovely friend who I first read and met when we were among only a handful who posted the very first wacky drabbles for @emceesynonymroll last summer

Jessie gave me ideas for plots and scenarios she wanted me to write for her…mostly revolving around, her Leo, who I freaking adore. It will not be anywhere close to as good or funny as she writes Leo, but I gave it my best effort. The best I could guess when it comes to writing for him is, anything goes. If it popped into my head, I had none of my usual reservations and just typed it out…lol

Jess, you are one of the sweetest and funniest people I’ve met here. I’m so glad to call you a friend. I hope you have an awesome birthday!!!

***This was soooo inspired by a FRIENDS episode and some of the dialogue comes from it, with some creative differences to accommodate Drake and Leo’s part. (The One Where Phoebe Gives Birth).

THE PALACE–CORDONIA

Liam had grown tired of the neverending, annoying pregnancy symptoms. Nine months of mood swings, weird midnight cravings, stealing his shirts because nothing else fit anymore, waking up at all hours of the night because of a bad dream about the baby, and the constant crying at the drop of a hat.

Leo had become too much.

When it came to pregnant Jessica, Liam would bend over backward to make her comfortable; he was surprised that he rarely had to. She possessed that strong Garcia blood in her veins with a tenacity and strength that left him in awe of her.

Leo, however, had become an even bigger pain in his ass since Jessica announced her pregnancy. From the beginning, Leo had inserted himself into every facet of the pregnancy; from claiming equal importance, referred to the baby as “our baby,“ fought with him over feeling the baby’s first kicks, and considered Liam – the baby’s father – the third wheel.

Sympathy pains were just one of his latest nuisances to pop up.

Liam walked back to his quarters after a long, arduous day in the office. He was exhausted from a lack of sleep after Leo woke him up last night with indigestion. Liam questioned why Leo would enter his quarters, walked past the kitchen and awakened him for a glass of milk at midnight. Apparently, Leo wanted to also be held and reassured the baby would be okay. Jessica offered to get up with him but Liam insisted she stay in bed and rest and he would take care of his brother. He really wanted to take care of his brother.

Leo cried to him for three hours, wondering if he was still desirable and sexy before he finally fell asleep on the couch.

Liam wanted the old Leo back … the one who used his credit card to buy everyone at that Greek bar a drink without him knowing, who got him sloppy drunk and married him off to a stranger – that he also had a threesome with that bride on the same night – who had caught Liam masturbating into Jessica’s shoe while he cried his eyes out over her. He would gladly take back that Leo. This newest Leo was weird as fuck.

Liam pulled out the key card to his quarters, swiped it through the keypad, and had just opened the door when he heard his name being called from behind him. A member of the maintenance staff approached with several white take-out bags stuffed with styrofoam containers.

“What is all this?” Liam asked curiously of the elder man who he once caught in the laundry room with Regina, holding two large hamsters and a container of Crisco.

“Sir, I have a DoorDash from … let me seeee … Pickled Pink, for Queen Jessica and Prince Leo.” The man shifted the large bags around in his arms then passed the heavy load over to Liam.

Liam looked over the bags that he struggled to carry in his arms and hoped Jessica’s pelvis was wide enough to birth their inevitable 30-pound baby after eating all this food. His pants started to tighten just thinking about Jessica’s even more curvaceous hips. A lot more cushion meant even tighter pushin. The guard noticed and began to wonder if it was he who was making the king salivate and bulge in his pants.

”Your Majesty,” he stated with a suggestive tone, “I’ve got a couple of minutes to burn if you wanna … you know.” The maintenance man repeatedly thrust his tongue into the inside of his cheek and wiggled his eyebrows.

“GOD NO!! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!! AND STAY THE HELL OUT OF MY LAUNDRY ROOM!”

While doing a balancing act with Leo and Jessica’s DoorDash, Liam turned and nudged the door open with his shoulder. After entering his quarters, he turned the corner into the living room.

“Squeeze … hold … release … and squeeze … hold … release …”

Liam’s eyes went wide when he saw Leo and Jessica sitting on the floor, their backs leaned against the front of the couch and their legs stretched out in front of them. Scattered around them were several empty containers of Chinese, boxes of pizzas, what appeared to be Dorito taco bowls, bags of peanut M&M’s dispersed across the floor, and half-empty glasses of strawberry milkshakes.

With their eyes closed in full concentration mode, they hadn’t noticed Liam was standing there, glaring at them in bewilderment.

Leo’s measured voice continued to call out. “Squeeze … and hold … and release …”

“What the fuck happened in here and what are you two doing?”

Leo’s eyes popped open and he looked to his younger brother, answering matter-of-factly. “Just what it looks like, pendejo - we’re doing our Kegels.”

Liam furrowed his brow. “Leo … you don’t have a … uhh …”

Leo rolled his eyes and huffed exaggeratingly. “Don’t need it; Papi Chulo likes to keep the Big Mushroom thick and robust. Watch what I can do.” Leo leaned over to the end table and picked up a paperweight. He placed it on the crotch of his gym shorts, moved his hands to the side, and started moving it up and down with only his carajo. “I can lift a brick with this power tool … pretty impressive, huh? Ohhh is that my fried pickles?

Liam grimaced and shook his head – somewhat in disgust of watching his brother power lift his great-grandfather’s paperweight with his dick, and the other part from the increased food consumption.

“You ordered all 10 of these fried pickle containers for yourself?”

“God, Liam, no! Do you think I’m some kind of animal? One of them is for Jessica.”

“Yeah, that’s … that’s much better.” Liam replied sardonically before he dropped all of the bags onto Leo’s lap and watched in disgust as he and Jessica began to ravage through them.

Liam slid a pizza box to the side and cleared a path of garbage to walk over to Jessica, who smiled at him with a mouthful of fried pickles. He bent down and placed a kiss on the top of her forehead. “Kegels, huh?” He smirked a twinkle in his bright blue eyes, getting charged over the prospect of her tightness around him. “I’ll try to forget the fact that you’re doing them with … my brother.”

Jessica chewed and swallowed hard, while Liam’s thumb wiped the ranch dressing from the corner of her mouth. “He’s a good workout partner, Liam. Drake never wants to do Kegels with me anymore.”

Leo laughed out loud with a mouthful of food that flew everywhere. “That’s because Drake is already a pussy!”

Liam crouched down beside Jessica and took hold of both of her greasy hands. “Come on, love, let’s get you off the floor and somewhere more comfortable.”

As Liam pulled her up from the floor, Jessica felt a gush of fluid stream down her legs, leaving a very visible wet mark down the insides of her yoga pants.

Jessica peeked down and saw the remnants of wetness left behind. She looked back up at Liam. “Shit! I think my water just broke!!”

Without warning or hesitation, a frantic Leo tossed his food aside, jumped up, and shoved Liam out of the way. “Oh, God! It’s HAPPENING!! The baby is coming now?! I haven’t sterilized the apartment yet! We haven’t checked the durability of your nipples! The mucus plug is still intact! How will the baby come out now?!?! Oh, the fucken humanity!!!” Leo glanced down to the ground where a stunned Liam was hunched over on all fours. “Dammit! Liam now isn’t the time to lay around! Call for a fucken car … our baby is coming!!”

“LEO!!!” Liam shouted while he pushed himself up from the floor and wrapped his arms protectively around Jessica.

Liam instructed Leo to get Drake and have the white Navigator ready out front while he took Jess upstairs to change and clean up.

Leo nodded to Liam, called him a jizzslobber, and agreed to do exactly as he was told. After Leo ran and slid out the door of his quarters, Liam pulled the phone from the inside of his suit pocket and hit the contact for Bastien. “Bastien, I need you to meet Jessica and me in the black Navigator parked in the service garage, ASAP.”

Jessica rubbed her hands over her swollen tummy as she walked with Liam up the stairs and turned to him “I thought you told Leo we were taking the white one?”

Liam grinned wide. “Change of plans, my love.”

SERVICE GARAGE-PALACE

After Liam helped Jessica clean up and change, he grabbed their hospital bag and climbed inside the black SUV where Bastien was waiting. Just as they pull out of the gates, Leo and Drake popped their heads up from the third-row seat. “AHA!!! I knew it!!”

Startled, Liam twisted around to face him. “Leo! What the fuck are you doing in here? I told you to get the white SUV.”

Leo crossed his arms on the back of Liam’s seat and sneered at him. “I knew you were trying to pull some fast shit. You didn’t look me in the eyes, little brother, and you were squirmy as fuck. Everyone knows that’s the telltale sign of lying. I’ve never lied to you, except that one time I told you it was Drake that left the KY jelly and anal plug in your office desk. They were mine. Besides, Jessica texted me and told me your plan about the switcheroo. The lies keep piling up, Liam. It’s like I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

Liam clenched his jaw and turned to Jessica. “Why would you tell him that, love?”

Jessica shrugged. “He’s my focal point for breathing. I need him.”

Drake ran a hand down his face and spoke up. “How the fuck did I get dragged into this? I swear to God if I see your snatch, Garcia, I’m gonna fucken annihilate your focal point.”

Liam snapped his head toward Drake and gawked. “NO ONE IS SEEING JESSICA’S … PRIVATE AREA!”

Leo flicked his hand dismissively and patted Jessica on the shoulder. “Don’t listen to him, Jess. Remember … listen to my voice … find your inner sanctum … your aura perimeter…ooohhhhhmmmm.” He closed his eyes and placed his hands near both sides of his head with his middle fingers touching his thumbs. “Oohhhhmmmmm …”

Drake smacked a hand to his own forehead before he shouted, “Bastien!! Let me out of this fucken SUV! I’m not listening to this fucken shit all the way there. I’ll fucken walk the rest of the way.”

Before Bastien could acknowledge him, Jessica plunged forward and clutched her stomach. “Owwwww! I think I’m having a contraction!!!”

This only made Leo go louder. “OOOHHHHHHMMMMMMM.”

Liam reached for Jessica’s hand and squeezed it tighter. “It’s okay, love. I’m here. Listen to MY voice.”

It was a continuous cycle of, “Ooohhhmmm”s” and “Owwww’’s” and “Let me the fuck outs” and “It’s okay, my love’s” all the way to the hospital.

CORDONIA MEMORIAL HOSPITAL

The SUV pulled into the private entrance of the hospital where paparazzi were already waiting.

Liam stepped out, cursing to himself over the assumed leak to the press, and helped Jessica slide out his side of the vehicle.

Bastien and Drake immediately began shuffling the crowds to the side and yelling at them to get back.

Leo followed closely behind Jessica and Liam and reached into his pants pocket. “Hey, Liam!” he yelled.

Liam turned to face him. “What?”

Leo threw a pink glitter bomb that landed squarely in the middle of Liam’s chest, which created a sparkly poof of epic proportions around him.

Liam started coughing ferociously and rubbed his itchy eyes. “Leo! You motherfucker! Why in the blue hell did you just do that?” He continued to cough and wipe the shit ton of pink glitter that was plastered on his shirt and spread into his golden hair.

Jessica covered her face while she snickered uncontrollably. “You really got him good, Leo.”

Leo swiped the air around him to avoid the tiny particles of glitter floating through the breeze. “Look, man, it was getting entirely too serious back there. Jessica and my gummy bear need a stress free aura perimeter. See how happy she looks now?”

Jessica picked a piece of the glitter off her tongue and wiped it on Liam’s shirt: “I do feel happier now that my aura perimeter has become more sparkly. Thanks, Leo!”

Leo stood taller and winked at his brother. “Told ya!”

Liam shook his head and let out a heavy, sigh. “Let’s just get in here … and both of you leave your damn aura perimeters outside!”

MATERNITY WING –EXAM ROOM

Inside the exam room, Jessica was dressed in a hospital gown and laid on the bed hooked up to the monitors. Liam was at one side stroking her hair, and of course, Leo was on the other side drawing faces with boobs on balloons he made of out of latex gloves and assigned each one hooker names from Cordonian nobles. Musty Madeleine, Hootered Hana, and Deepthroat Savannah. The last one was, Choke-A-Bitch Bertrand – their spoon lovin pimp.

Jessica felt another sharp pain spread across her stomach and bore down harder onto Liam’s hand. “ FUCK!!!! THIS HURTS!!!”

Liam’s face fell into her busting cleavage and yelped, “ Love, my hand..my hand…my hand!”

Leo was getting frustrated by the wait and swept aside his lineup of rubber hookers and the one peculiar-looking pimp. “Wheres the fucken doctor at? Gummy bear could be coming out right now and no one is here to catch her. I guess I’ll have to save our baby!! Leo shuffled to the end of the bed and started to lift the sheet that draped over Jessica’s leg before Liam yelled for him to stop.

“Fucken Liam! You’re supposed to be ohming and not yelling at me!”

“Fuck your ohhhmm bullshit, Leo! It’s stupid anyway.”

Leo shifted his posture and took a more defensive stance. “Take it back Liam…I mean it.”

“Go ohm yourself, Leo.”

Jessica gripped the sides of her bed and yelled out, “IM STILL IN PAIN!!! AHHHHH!”

Leo suddenly felt a ripping pain and grasped his lower stomach before he fell to his knees. “AHHHHHHH! What the hell is that?”

Liam massaged soothing circles over Jessica’s arm, deliberately ignoring the fact that Leo had just crumpled to the floor. “Sweetheart, I love you so much, just breathe through the pain.”

Leo cried out, “I’m trying, but it’s not helping…ahhhhhh!!”

Liam had become frustrated with Leo long before this day began but now felt he was taking these sympathy pains to the extreme.

Drake knocked on the door and slowly inched his way in while covering his eyes with his hand. “ Everything okay, you guys? Thought I heard a fucken hyena in here.”

Leo tried to stand, but the pain ripped through him even more, causing him to lurch back to the ground. “ Ahhh! It’s this pain in my lower stomach. I knew I shouldn’t have fucked that cashier in a White Castle bathroom without a rubber!!!”

Liam could tell by his brother’s writhing in the fetal position on the floor that he really was in a lot of pain. On the flip side, this would be the perfect opportunity to get Leo the hell out of here. He cleared his throat, “Drake, would you mind taking Leo to get checked out? I’m really concerned about him.”

Drake lowered the hand that covered his eyes and his gaze immediately fell on Leo. “You gotta be fucken kidding me? There’s nothing wrong with this douchebag that a few days worth of strong antibiotics and ointments wouldn’t clear up.”

“NO! I have to be here for the birth of our baby! If she sees Liam’s ass chin before I can prepare her, the results could be disastrous!”

Liam scrunched up his face and placed a finger over his chin. He didn’t have an ass chin and had no idea what the hell Leo was talking about. With a desperate look in his eyes, he turned to his oldest friend. “Please, Drake.”

Drake pinched his nose for a moment then dropped his hand to his side to reluctantly approach Leo and help him up. “Fuck it! Come on.” He placed one of Leo’s arms around his neck then Drake wrapped his arm around the sides of his waist and led him to the door; Leo shouted Spanish, and what sounded like a cricket in his ear the entire way. As they made their way past Liam, Leo stopped long enough to give his brother some last-minute advice before he parted. “She’s not wearing a bra or panties right now, hombre. I packed an extra shoe in her bag in case your kinky ass needs to choke your monkey. Kapeesh?”

CORDONIA MEMORIAL HOSPITAL-EMERGENCY ROOM

Leo was lying partially on his side, holding his stomach, while Drake stood next to the head of his hospital bed. A doctor studied an x-ray that hung to a viewer on the far wall, then flipped the light off of it, removed the film and turned to face Leo and Drake.

Leo glared at the doctor, “What is it, doctor? You can tell me. I can take it…is it The Clap? Its the Clap isn’t it? Oh God! I got The Clap, Drake!! Why does all the bad shit happen to me?”

“Don’t talk to me, Leo,” Drake groaned.

The doctor inched closer to the men, “Mr. Rhys…its not..the clap…I’m afraid you have kidney stones.”

“What? Kidney stones? Is that like slang for Gonorrhea?”

“No, sir. Its slang for kidney stones.”

Leo returned a half-hearted smile. “Doctor…Wh…what else could it be?”

“Kidney stones.”

“Orrrr?”

“Kidney stones.”

“But if it was something else…”

Drake had finally had enough of the back-and-forth exchange and yelled out, “Its fucken kidney stones Leo! You’ve got rocks in your pee-pee man!”

Leo’s eyes widened and his gaze went from Drake and back to the doctor.” Is that true? How do I get them out doc? I can’t be smashing some chics ass with rocks weighing down my Papi cock, I got a rep to maintain.”

The doctor regarded him thoughtfully. “Ordinarily, we try to break the stones up with shock waves, but yours are too close to the bladder. This means we can either wait for you to pass them … or … we can go up the urethra.

Drake began to chuckle before he clapped Leo on the shoulder. “You are sooo fucked dude.”

Leo shrugged Drake’s hand off of him and shook his head. “FUCK THAT! NOTHING IS GOING UP ANYTHING. UP IS NOT AN OPTION…WAIT…WHATS A URETHRA?

“It’s the hole you piss out of, man.”

Leo’s head snapped back to the doctor. “ ARE YOU FUCKEN CRAZY?!”

30 minutes later

Leo was screaming on the bed while he jerked Drake around in a headlock. “Ohh! Get these things out of me!”

“Breathe! Breathe through the fucken pain, Leo!” Drake instructed while Leo continued to bounce his head around.

“I want the drugs, Drake! I want the drugs!” he cried out while rocking back and forth, taking Drake with him.

“I do too! I do too!”

5 more minutes later

Leo was laying back on his pillow, recovering from one of the most painful experiences of his life as he sought to catch his breath. “Oh my God.”

Drake squeezed Leo’s arm with a look of pride in his eyes. “You did it, man. That was fucken incredible, Leo!”

The doctor approached the two with a small, clear contain that held the two kidney stones Leo had just passed. He shook it in front of him, “Would you like to see them?”

Leo nodded and reached out to take it from him. He held them in front of his face and Drake leaned in closer to get a better look. Leo smiled at them. “They’re so small, Drake.”

A knock on the door pulled the two men from their attention on the tiny, ragged stones Leo held affectionately in his hand. They looked up to see Liam entering the room.

“Hey! I heard what happened. Are you okay, Leo?:

“Yeah. My dick hurts like a motherfucker, but in the end –” he held up the container, “–I have these two little cuties to show for it.”

Perma tags: @emceesynonmroll @romanticatheart-posts @burnsoslow @dcbbw @ao719 @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore @hopefulmoonobject @texaskitten30 @drakesensworld @janezillow @merridithsmiscellany-blog @mskaneko @loveellamae @queenjilian @sirbeepsalot @pedudley @caroldxnvxrs @jovialyouthmusic @forthebrokenheartedthings-blog

#liam x mc #liam and jess #prince leo #choices trh #happy birthday jessica

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phoebehalliwell · 4 years

Note

Centennial Charmed AU where Cole decides that things started to go downhill with him and Phoebe after Prue died, so he rewrites reality to save her, and Paige orbs into a new reality where Prue never died and has to choose between stopping Cole or saving her sister

okay for the record i so incredibly vibe with this ask and i think it would have been a great way for paige to meet prue, as it isn’t the typical like summoning prue from the great beyond to meet paige option, because that’s all fluff and this has Stakes.

i think in this au if we assume all hell breaks loose like continues in canon phoebe should remain trapped in the underworld with cole like the source demanded, and cole kept her down there rather than return her to her sisters. now, Obviously, this is not a recipe for love, but i think cole has enough tricks to just sorta brainwash phoebe into sorta just like an evil husk (like the opposite of what leo pulled with piper in the beginning of season six) with the full intent to leach in the real phoebe bit by bit but the process is definitely going slower than expected bc uhh phoebe’s not too keen on being evil. in this au i would definitely pin prue as the one to go cold hearted assasssin here, completely ready to raze the underworld to get her sister back. in turn i think piper would be ever more manic and fearful that she was in the earlier seasons. i don’t think she and leo would be divorced because again if you’re trying to convince me they’re soulmates don’t have them divorced in every alternate timeline???? but, that being said, i don’t think she would be pregnant bc i think she would have a crippling fear of starting a family bc with her mom dead phoebe gone and prue off the deep end off the deep end it’s clear that all family does is leave you. p3 is very much up and running because all piper does is drown herself in her work as that is the only part of her life she seems to have any control over. she doesn’t use magic anymore, in fact she’s bound her powers, but it doesn’t matter bc prue does enough killing for the both of them. (also paige doesn’t lose orbing in the new reality bc that her innate ability??? she does lose telekinetic orbing)

so paige sneezes herself into a new reality without realizing it, all she realizes is piper isn’t in the back room anymore. but she figures hey you know maybe that was a major sneeze and maybe i was out for a minute or two and piper just went back to darryl’s party. so she pops out of the backroom and there’s no immediate difference and she sees piper at the bar so she heads on over like “haha wow how long was i gone for also where’s darryl wasn’t he just sitting over there?” and piper’s looking at her like she’s talking to me like she knows me but i do not recognize her at all but as i am bartending i’m just gonna place nice and is like “oh sorry no i don’t know where he went” and paige is like “huh that’s weird did you change” and now she’s like actually registering what piper looks like and is like “OOOOHMYGOD WHY AREN”T YOU PREGNANT ANYMORE???????????” and piper’s like “look. you’ve obviously got me confused with someone else so-” and paige is just like “you don’t recognize me At All?” and piper’s like “sorry no?????” so now paige is thinking she’s in some alternate reality or plane or mirror dimension and if there’s anyone who can clue her into where it’s a psychic so paige is looking around like “do you know where phoebe is?” and piper stops dead in her tracks and she’s like “i don’t know if you heard but phoebe doesn’t live here anymore now i’d really appreciate it if you’d leave and paige is like okay well that’s bad and you know offering an apology and leaves p3.

but uhh she still can orb and she can still orb to her sisters so she orbs to phoebe and finds herself in the underworld???? what’s she doing here??????? and she’s like “hey phoebe how ya doin i’m in a bit of a sticky situation here was hopin you could help me out also why are we in the underworld rn?” and phoebe just glares at paige and paige is like “okay cliffnotes version patty and sam’s affair yeah that’s me i’m the baby i’m your long longs sister my name’s paige-” and at the word sister phoebe just like snaps and dives at paige so you know paige orbs out of the way like “phoebe!!!!” and phoebe just dives at her again and now paige is starting to get a lil weirded out because phoebe’s black belt barbie yet all she’s going is just sorta lunging claws out?????? something off. way off. and paige is so caught off guard that phoebe actually manages to pin paige to the ground and paige is like !!!!! hope this works!!! and claps her hands around phoebe’s temples. and phoebe flinches, eyes closed, lost in a vision. she comes to and looks at paige, but there’s nothing in her eyes. paige is like “phoebe. it’s me.” but phoebe just gets up and walks away, emotionless. and paige is like Okay This Is BAD. and when things get bad, you go to the book.

the only issue is paige is leafing through the book and she has no idea what she’s looking for. there isn’t really a page for “oh you’re stuck in an alternate timeline where everything Sucks Balls? here’s a quick and easy spell to get you out!” so paige is just flipping. enchantment spell so she can see past this enchantment? truth spell so she can find the true world?? and she’s like “hello could use some help here!!!!” and then finds herself promptly being thrown into a wall. she looks over to see a woman approaching, and barely registers “prue?” before a bookcase falls on her.

paige wakes up in a crystal cage, with prue sitting across from her holding charged crystal shards. paige immediately recognizes whats up and is all like “woah woah woah please don’t electrocute me i promise i can explain everything!!!!” and prue’s like “okay. why don’t you start by how you got in the attic and what you were doing with the book?” and paige is like “!!!! evil can’t touch the book! evil can’t touch the book and i was touching the book so please don’t electrocute me!” and prue glares at paige and slowly sets down the crystals bc she does sorta have a point but prue’s not convinced. and paige clearly relaxes a little and prue asks again what exactly she is doing here. so paige takes a deep breath and is like “i’m your sister” and prue scowls and telekinetically launches a crystal shard at the cage, frying it. good thing paige has great reflexes. she orbs out of the cage before she can be shocked. so now prue is like. What. The Actual. Fuck. but lucky for her paige is already rambling. “my name’s paige matthews and i was born august 7th, 1977! my parents are patty halliwell and sam wilder! and you never met me because i was given up for adoption!”

now here’s the thing. when patty was pregnant, piper was three or four and phoebe was like two. they Really did not know what was up. but prue was like 7. i don’t remember a lot from age four, but i can easily pull up age seven. and prue now knows patty was pregnant. the timeline fits. she’s just not convinced that the carrot top in front of her is her sister. (she could orb though, so that was a strong piece of evidence for) so she lets paige talk a little more

and paige is like “okay. i think i managed to sneeze myself into some weird alternate universe because um. This Is Not How Things Are. and if i had to guess whose to blame here: it’s cole.” and prue’s like “wow. he’s still a bag of shit in your timeline?” and paige is like “yeah!!!! an obsessive, unvanquishable bag of shit!!!” and prue’s like “well, bright side? he’s not unvanquishable here.”

let’s rock n roll buckaroo!!! well piper is Very surprised to find the girl she kicked out of the bar now brewing a potion in her kitchen, and uhh if we’re being honest Absolutely Pissed Off. because so far this girl has 1) brought up the idea of her being pregnant, an insult to a woman who is too terrified to start a family 2) brought up her kidnapped quasi evil sister not five minutes later to rub salt in that wound and 3) is now actively practicing magic in her home, something piper tries to avoid at all costs. so whatever’s happening right now, Piper Will Not Have It. except prue is chasing her down and refusing to let her leave because that girl is their sister??? and they’re going to vanquish cole?????????? yeah. no. absolutely not. and prue’s got a freshly brewed batch of potion to unbind powers that she’s trying to shove down piper’s throat but she’s really lost it if she thinks piper will ever practice magic again. and now they’re having a shouting match and piper’s trying to leave but prue is forcing the door shut and paige is in the kitchen like this is super awkward and i feel like i shouldn’t be hearing this but at the same time i feel like i should intervene but also i feel like its not my place but also they’re about to rip each others head off so i should probably do something so she goes over to the foyer like “piper. i know you don’t know me but i know you. you are the strongest person i know and the strongest witch i know. you have taught me so much, and i know you’re going to teach my new baby niece a lot too. i don’t think you should unbind your powers if you don’t want to. but if you think you can’t handle them, i promise you you can.” and there’s a moment of silence before piper’s like “strongest witch, huh?” and paige nods and laughs lightly and piper looks and prue with the potion and is like “i need some time to think about it.” and prue’s like >:(!!!!!! but paige is like “no, just let her sort through things. she’ll figure things out on her own time.” and prue’s playfully like “are you always giving me advice in your world?” and paige is like haha p̸̭͕͇͂͑̇͊̇́̽̀͘ä̵͍̪͔́̓̊͊̒͛͌̚ỉ̸̲̬͖̓͛͌͒̅̉̈̇͐͑̐ņ̷͍͖̯̠̞̾̎̂ but doesn’t like really say anything about it.

and piper’s over on the couch in the sitting room just like nervously wringing her hands and prue goes over and just sits next to her quietly with her arm wrapped around her. she leaves the potion in the foyer. you can tell by how rigid they are that they don’t do this often, they’re just emulating the ghosts of their past because they’ve almost forgotten how to be sisters. paige wanders over to the couch and perches on the arm rest because she doesn’t want to insert herself into something that she isn’t really a part of but piper reaches out and takes paige’s hand in comfort. and the chandelier starts shaking.

piper looks and prue and then looks at paige and is like “is that what i think it was?” and paige is like “the power of three” and piper just sighs quietly and stands. she looks to a flower vase and throws her hands at it, blasting it to pieces. she turns to her sisters. “let’s go kill cole”

so piper starts working on the broth for the upper level demon vanquishing potion while prue and paige sit in the living room devising a way to get close enough to cole to get a slice. prue’s talking about how he’s cloaked himself from scrying but he’s never too far from phoebe, and they’ve never really been able to summon phoebe before but now they’ve got the power of three on their side so they can probably bring her to the manor, with cole soon to follow. it’s also safe to say that cole doesn’t even know piper has her powers back, so he won’t be anticipating the good ol’ freeze-n-slice. then paige can orb downstairs, add the flesh, and bring back up the potion and boom no more belthazor but uhh paige wasn’t listening. “what if there was a way to not vanquish him?” “not vanquish cole i thought the whole point was to vanquish cole and get you back to your world?” and paige is like “yeah it was but uhhhh you’re not... in my world. you died... in 2001. shax killed you. i never actually got to meet you until now.” and prue’s like “Oh.” and paige is like “yeah.” and prue sorta just sits quietly for a minute before speaking again. “did they ever tell you about andy?” and paige is like “yeah, he was your boyfriend, right? he died?” and prue’s like “he died right there. he sacrificed himself for us. because he understood that it was his destiny to go and it was ours to continue forward. i never really understood that, i guess” and she trails off staring at the piece of carpet where andy’s body had been so many years before. the words are unspoken, but paige hears them: until now. “but what if it doesn’t have to be like that? what if we could find a way to change things, to keep you alive. i mean, i’m just meeting you now, but... i don’t...” “everything happens for a reason. if there’s one thing i’ve learned to be true, it’s that. paige, it was my time to go. to bring you into their lives to save the charmed ones. this,” prue gestures to the world around her. “this isn’t how things are supposed to be, i’ve felt it for a long time. you can save phoebe, you can save piper.” “but why can’t i save you, too?” and prue just sorta rests her hand on paige’s face and is like “i’m glad i at least got to meet you” and piper from the kitchen is like “potions ready! all we need is some belthazor flesh!” and prue stands up and offers paige her hand. paige takes it and stands and prue whispers to her sister “let’s go save the world.”

so they go up to the attic and summon phoebe with cole soon to follow and cole’s like “paige??? are you fucking with me rn???? die bitch?????” and prue’s like “You Do Not Talk To My Sister Like That” and throws him into a wall. piper freezes him and takes a slice and phoebe’s sorta just reeling in the corner like paige?? and paige takes the flesh from piper and orbs into the kitchen to finish up the potion and puts it in a little vial and goes back up in the attic and cole’s just broken out of piper’s freeze and paige is like “i do hate long goodbyes” but oh! phoebe tackles her and grabs the potion and everybody’s like phoebe!!!!!! but cole’s just laughing like “it doesn’t matter. no matter where we are, we’re meant to be together. it’s undeniable.” and phoebe’s blinking like she just woke up from a bad dream and is looking at cole, at first with a blank stare, but then confusion, and then absolute loathing. “i don’t think so.”

and cole starts screaming as the world starts spinning and with a final triumphant Bang! paige is yeeted back into the attic, back into her attic. and piper and phoebe run up like “paige??? what happened what was that???” and paige is like “that was... cole. we just vanquished cole.” and piper’s like “we???” and paige is like “yeah, i’ll explain everything, it’s been uhh it’s been a long day.” and piper and phoebe pull her into a hug and phoebe’s like “we’re just glad you’re back” and paige is like “lmao yeah i could say the say about you.” “what?” “nevermind.” and then piper looks up suddenly like “did you feel that?” and paige is like “feel what?” and phoebe looks at the her and smiles, tears pricking at the back of her eyes: “prue.”

#bc Fuck the 100th episode being all about cole tf was that about???#sisters only!!!!#charmed #power of four #💌#margaretsminiessays

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ceealaina · 4 years

Text

Title: Gonna Pick You Up When You Fall Collaborator Name: ceealaina Link: AO3 Ship: IronBros Rating: Teen Major Tags: Fluff and Angst, MIT Era, Meet-Ugly Summary: Jim Rhodes isn’t sure how he feels about having the Stark heir for his roommate, right up until he meets Tony and finds he’s the very last thing he expected. Word Count: 3643

Written for the prompts Engineer, Yearning, and ‘Stop that’ for @rhodeyappreciationweek

When Jim had gotten the letter informing him that he’d been assigned as a roommate to Anthony Fucking Stark, he had almost called up the residence office and informed them that it wasn’t going to happen, and he wanted to be reassigned to literally anybody else. He’d worked his ass off to get into MIT and the last thing he wanted was to be saddled with some rich, white child -- he was only fifteen, for fuck’s sake -- who had been pretty much guaranteed a spot anywhere from birth, just because of who his father was.

He had actually been on hold with Mia in the Reassignment department when his mother had walked into the room, glanced at the phone he was holding in one hand and the letter he had in the other, and had hummed in that way she had.

“What?” Jim asked, eyes narrowing suspiciously.

“Nothing,” she assured him, with a pointed look at the paper in his hands. “I just feel bad for that boy, is all.”

“Bad?” Jim repeated incredulously. “Momma, he’s one of the richest kids in America. He’s had everything he’s ever wanted.”

“Still. Can’t be easy to grow up with that kind of pressure, all those expectations.” She had leaned in, kissing him on the cheek. “I’m so proud of you, Jimmy, but you know I’d be proud of you no matter what you did, right?”

Jim had hung up the phone.

There was no sign of Stark or his family or even any hired help the entire time that Jim and his family were moving his stuff into the dorm. He’d half expected Anthony to already be there, some sort of Early Move-In Day just for rich people. But since he wasn’t there, Jim refused to feel guilty for taking the good bed beside the bigger window. Maybe Anthony had changed his mind and decided to go to CalTech instead, and Jim could have the whole room to himself.

After getting all his stuff moved in, he had to see his family off. Then there was ‘mandatory’ Frosh Teambuilding, which consisted of a bunch of juvenile trust activities that felt more like the kind of stuff white people did at summer camp on TV. And then there was dinner, and then a ‘mandatory’ floor meeting going over all the rules of living on campus, after which he’d wandered over to the student union building and almost immediately gotten pulled into a truly painful conversation with one of the guys from his assigned frosh group.

By the time he was making his way back to the dorm, he was exhausted and had all but forgotten about his MIA roommate. Distracted with thinking about his bed, and the things he had to get done before classes started, it took him a minute to process what he was seeing when he stepped into his room and found the previously unoccupied side of the room fully decorated, complete with a large television and an NES. He blinked a minute, and then spotted Anthony Stark himself, sitting on the window sill over Jim’s bed, thank you very much, leaning out the window to smoke a cigarette. He was wearing tight jeans and a polo shirt, the collar popped, with a pair of expensive sunglasses dangling from the neck, and Jim shook his head.

“Oh no,” he declared.

He hadn’t actually meant to say that outloud, but Anthony didn’t seem offended. He looked lazily over at Jim, lips curling into a smirk around his cigarette as he gave Jim a slow look up and down.

“Hey there, handsome.”

“Oh, hell no,” Jim reiterated. “I’m gonna tell you right now. This? Isn’t how things are gonna go with us.”

Anthony blinked at him, looking mildly taken aback. “I’m sorry?”

“This.” Jim gestured wildly at him. “This whole… Too cool for school bullshit persona thing you’ve got going on? I’m not doing it.”

“Excuse me?” Anthony looked faintly amused which, Jim realized belatedly, was probably good since he likely had enough clout to get Jim kicked out of MIT entirely. “It’s not bullshit,” he added, with a dramatic pout around his cigarette that was entirely too sexy to be on a fifteen-year-old’s lips.

Jim rolled his eyes. “Right, so you’re just actually that fucking cool, huh?” he asked, voice dry. “Whatever you say man.”

Anthony tilted his head a little, eyes narrowing as he looked more closely at Jim. Jim had the uncanny feeling that Anthony was looking right into him, but he just set his hands on his lips, staring impassively back at him.

“Do you know who I am?” he asked finally.

It wasn’t said with an attitude; Anthony sounded genuinely curious, like he thought Jim might have somehow missed that fact somewhere along the way. Jim rolled his eyes anyway.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re Anthony Stark, boy genius, richest kid in America or whatever. I don’t really give a shit, man. I’m just here to get my engineering degree, and move on. I already did this bullshit in high school. I don’t need to go through it again.”

“Huh.” Tony took another slow drag of his cigarette, pursing his lips and dragging it out. It would have been embarrassing, how hard he was trying to look sexy, except he didn’t have that awkward edge most kids his age did. It seemed almost natural, giving him the uncanny appearance of being older than fifteen, even if his features said otherwise, and Jim shifted a little uncomfortably. “It’s Tony, actually,” he said finally, tilting his head back to blow smoke out the window. “And you’re James Rhodes?”

“Jim,” he corrected, grudgingly. Tony nodded, giving him a smoldering look and flicking his tongue over his lips, and Jim glared. “Stop that!” he squawked. “You’re fifteen, it’s fucking creepy. And put that out, while you’re at it. Smoking’ll kill you, and I don’t want your nasty ass smoke on my sheets.”

Tony stared at him and then shrugged, pressing the cigarette against the sill and then flicking the butt out the window. He didn’t bother to shut it before he hopped down off the ledge. “Well, Rhodey,” he drawled the nickname, smirking at Jim with smokey eyes. “Gotta say, I didn’t expect you to be so lame.”

Jim didn’t rise to the bait. “I’m not lame,” he told him, grabbing his toiletries kit to get ready for bed. “Told you, man. I’m just not here for the bullshit.”

When he came back from the bathroom, Tony had stripped down to his boxers, was spread across his bed like some kind of Playgirl model. Jim ignored him, flipping out the light and crawling into his own bed with a contented sigh. He was already starting to drift when Tony spoke into the dark space.

“I’m taking engineering too.”

“Yeah? We’re at MIT, dude. You, me, and half the campus.”

Tony huffed out a sigh. “Electrical engineering, since you asked.”

Jim hummed a vague acknowledgement and hesitated a moment. “Aviation,” he relented through a yawn. “Gonna be a pilot.”

If Tony answered, Jim was asleep before he heard it.

Tony, it seemed, didn’t know what to do with Jim. He didn’t let up on flirting, constantly trying to be sexy, but it quickly seemed to be less with intent and more just to irritate Jim. After the first day of classes, while Jim was getting a start on the five billion readings he had to do, Tony had wandered in from his own classes and immediately started taking apart his NES -- it seemed this was a common thread with Tony. He’d already taken apart and put back together his television and his VCR. It wouldn’t have been so bad, except that he couldn’t seem to stop rambling while he did it, name dropping about fifty famous people he knew, ranging from politicians to celebrities. Jim had just grunted occasionally, doing his best to tune him out, until he yelped when a pencil hit the back of his head. He turned to see Tony smiling beguilingly.

“Hey, did you hear me? That’s Sean Connery. You know, James Bond?” he asked, like Jim lived under a rock or something.

“I heard,” Jim said and then, because the pencil had hurt and he was feeling a little mean. “Doesn’t he advocate for hitting women?”

Tony just looked confused, like he couldn’t understand Jim’s lack of reaction, and he sighed.

“Look man, that’s cool and all, and I love James Bond as much as the next guy, but at the end of the day they’re just people. Unless you’re planning to set me up with Phoebe Cates, my homework is a bigger priority right now.”

So Tony had started leaving expensive things around the dorm room. There were more sunglasses, and platinum cufflinks, and bottles of high quality liquor that Jim had immediately made him shove under the bed because they were both technically underage now. Tony had just looked more and more confused the less interested Jim seemed, and then had come home the next day with an Atari 7800, which wasn’t even supposed to be released until the next year.

That, Jim had to admit, was pretty cool, especially since Tony immediately offered him a controller. And that was what he couldn’t figure out about Tony Stark. He didn’t hesitate to share everything he had. He’d offered up his tv and gaming systems almost right away, was constantly bringing home snacks and junk food and giving half of them to Jim, and when Jim had been running late one day and couldn’t find his own, he hasn’t hesitated to offer up a pair of his ultra expensive Ray Bans, telling Jim not to worry about returning them. He was a twerp, but he was also unfailingly generous, and Jim wasn’t entirely sure what to do with that.

So when he came home to find Tony reading some scifi novel at his desk just a little too casually, and a Rolex watch ‘accidentally’ sitting in the middle of Jim’s bed, he just sighed and dropped it on Tony’s book.

“Oh thanks!” Tony said brightly. “I was looking for that.”

Jim refrained from pointing out that it was the first thing he saw when he walked into the room.

“Hey!” Tony added when he started to turn back to the work waiting for him. “Did I tell you about my Ferrari 288 GTO?”

Jim hesitated long enough to arch an eyebrow at him. “Are you even old enough to drive?” he asked, heading over to his desk.

For a moment it was quiet, and then: “Okay, I give up,” Tony burst out, causing Jim to turn back around to face him with a startled look. “I can’t figure you out. Is it me specifically, or are you just allergic to fun? Seriously dude, does nothing impress you?”

Jim gave him a look. “Have you been trying to impress me?”

“Not like that.” Tony rolled his eyes, ignoring the fact that he’d spent the better part of their interactions flirting outrageously. “Just, you know… That’s how you connect with people, right? Show off your shit and compare notes, and decide what’s better…” He trailed off at the look on Jim’s face. “What?”

“Rich people are fucking weird, man.”

Tony frowned at him. “What does that mean?”

“Just… Sounds exhausting, constantly trying to outdo each other.”

Tony was still frowning, and Jim felt a little bit bad.

“Hey, you know what I’d actually find impressive? Seeing if you’re actually here for any reason besides your name. We’re a week into school and I haven’t seen you do one bit of work.”

Tony’s jaw dropped. “Because I’m a genius!” he protested, and he didn’t sound like he was bragging, just stating a simple fact. “I built a circuit board when I was three!” he added, but there was a sparkle in his eyes now.

“I don’t know…” Jim smirked at him. “That was like twelve years ago, man. What have you done since?”

Tony narrowed his eyes briefly and then he was skittering over to his desk. “I’ll show you I deserve to be here,” he grumbled, pulling the bottom drawer out entirely, and apparently he wasn’t as entirely obsessed with looking cool as Jim had first thought, because the entire drawer was filled to the brim with Lego bricks. “Okay,” he said, grinning up at Jim. It was a good look on him. “We’ve got fifteen minutes to build a Lego machine. Best design wins.”

Jim wandered through the party, wincing against the glare of the strobe light. Despite what Tony seemed to think, he wasn’t actually that lame, and he did enjoy a good party. This, however, wasn’t really his scene. The house was packed dangerously full, men and women alike mostly naked -- he’d touched more random body parts than he ever had before in his life -- and in general everything just had that edge of too wild that usually meant the police were five minutes out. He’d been supposed to meet up with a guy from one of his classes, but he hadn’t seen any sign of him and he was done with looking.

Jim started to make his way for the front door, and then stopped as he spotted a tuft of curly brown hair that was already becoming familiar. “Oh no,” he muttered, letting his eyes fall shut for just a moment.

He thought about leaving Tony there, he really did. He was his roommate, not his responsibility. But then a voice that sounded suspiciously like his mother reminded him that Tony was only fifteen, still a kid. And then he thought about how desperately Tony had been trying to win him over all week with stuff and money, because that was apparently how he thought things were done, and how easy it would be for someone to take advantage of that. When he found himself picturing the pleased smile Tony’d had when he finished his rubber band Lego car, almost startlingly innocent compared to the way he’d been acting, Jim knew he was stuck.

Grumbling under his breath, he started shoveling his way through the crowd to where he’d last seen his wayward roommate. Of course by then he’d wandered off again, and it was a good ten minutes before Jim managed to track him down to some little room that he’d missed at first.

Tony was sprawled out on a couch, his dress shirt fully unbuttoned, and he was giggling as two girls in bikinis kissed their way over his neck. His movements were lazy and his eyes unfocused in a way that suggested that he’d had more than just booze, but his face lit up when he spotted Jim. “Hey!” he slurred. “‘S my Rhodeybear.”

Jim blinked once at the nickname. “Right.” The two girls looked as out of it as Tony was, but there was a guy watching the whole scene with sharp, sober eyes that Jim didn’t like at all. Mustering up every bit of his ROTC confidence, he strode over to the couch and bodily pulled Tony to his feet. “Come on, Tones. Time to go home.”

“Awww,” Tony whined, but he didn’t actually make any attempt to resist. “Five more minutes?”

“Nope,” Jim declared, just as one of the girls reached up and caught Tony’s hand, giving him a half-hearted tug back toward the couch.

“Yeah, jus’ five more minutes? We’re jus’ gettin’ started.”

“And he’s fifteen, so that’s illegal.”

“Rhodeyyyy,” Tony whined, finishing his name with a giggle. “Why you gotta give away all my secrets? C’mon le’s stay. They’re my friends. Didn’t even hafta do anything to impress ‘em, like you said.”

“Yeah.” Jim glanced back over to the corner, where the guy’s smirk had turned to glare. Jim was pretty sure that there was a video camera on the floor beside his feet. “They’re not your friends, Tony.” Heart starting to pound, he slung an arm around Tony’s waist and hustled him out the door before anyone could make a real attempt at stopping them.

Outside, Tony was in even worse condition than Jim had realized. He didn’t think he was in any danger healthwise, except maybe from puking, but he could barely stand on his own, needed Jim’s constant support to walk, and he was frighteningly pliable, happily going along with whatever Jim said. Jim had expected to be annoyed with Tony, at having to babysit him. Fifteen or not, surely he knew better? But mostly he was just pissed at the asshole who had tried to take advantage of him like this. He was just a kid, and clearly oblivious, and using his inability to understand how normal, non-rich humans interacted to try and hurt him had Jim seething. The more he thought about it the angrier he got, and if he hadn’t been busy with having to half-drag Tony back to their dorm, he might have gone back just to punch the guy in the face.

He managed to get them into their room without getting caught by anyone, at which point he’d helped Tony strip down to his boxers -- less awkward than he’d expected -- and slide into the bed. Tony had moaned blearily, rubbing his face against the cool sheets like he was feverish, so after dragging his garbage can close in case he did puke, Jim grabbed a washcloth and darted into the bathroom to rinse it with cold water.

When he got back, Tony was lying on his back and staring at the ceiling, lolling his head back and forth over the pillow in a way that Jim had vague memories of his baby sister doing as a toddler. He passed over the washcloth and Tony closed one eye and then the other, trying to focus on it.

“Wassat for?”

“It’s a cool compress. For your head?”

Tony was staring at him blankly, so Jim folded up the cloth and draped it over Tony’s forehead. “Jesus, Tones. Hasn’t anybody ever taken care of you before?”

Tony shrugged, sighing at the cool touch against his sweaty skin. “Only when they want something from me,” he mumbled, out of it enough that there was no joking, no exaggeration in his voice, just plain, simple honesty. “Oh hey!” His eyes snapped open, just as unfocused as before. “Did I tell you my thesis project yet? Gonna build a robot, one with a fully-functioning, self-learning AI.” He waved his hand in the air. “Thas not the point though. Gonna build myself a friend, Rhodey, like you said. One that doesn’t want anything from me, or expect me to buy them things… Just wansta hang out with me…” His eyes slipped shut again, voice trailing off, but Jim just stared at him with a sick feeling furling through his stomach.

“Shit, that’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard,” he said. “Seriously, are those the only kinds of interactions you’ve had with people? You need real friends, Tony.”

“I have real friends,” Tony protested. “Had lots of friends in school.”

“Uh-huh.” He knew there was no point in arguing, but the sound of his voice seemed to be calming Tony a little, stilling his movements. “So which one of those real friends do you call when you’re in a jam? Who do you know that’s got your back no matter what?”

Tony was quiet for long enough that Jim thought he’d finally fallen asleep. He adjusted the cloth to be a little more comfortable on his forehead and was moving over to his own bed when Tony finally spoke.

“I called you.”

Jim glanced back over at him. Tony’s eyes were closed, but there was a little smile around his lips, like he’d come to some scientific conclusion and was really pleased with the results. Jim sighed.

“Yeah, Tones, you did,” he agreed with his own smile. “Get some sleep, okay? I’ll be right here if you need anything.”

When Jim woke the next morning, Tony was sprawled out on his bed, sheets kicked onto the floor and an arm flung across his eyes. He looked absolutely miserable, but he was breathing at least, so Jim left him to sleep it off, being as quiet as possible when he slipped out to the door so he wouldn’t disturb him.

When he made it back a couple hours later, Tony was awake, though he didn’t look much better. He’d hauled on sweatpants and a t-shirt but obviously hadn’t showered, and he was sitting up on his bed, blinking blearily at the TV as he watched what looked like Indiana Jones on VHS. Hiding a smile at the sight of him, Jim made his way into the room, dropping a wrapped breakfast sandwich on Tony’s lap on his way by.

Tony blinked at it for a too-long moment, looking completely confused. “What’s this?” he asked finally.

Resisting the urge to tease him about his supposed genius, Jim just arched an eyebrow. “It’s a breakfast sandwich. Thought you could use something to eat.”

“You…” Tony’s breath seemed to catch. “You bought me breakfast?”

Jim just shrugged, even though he knew it was a bigger deal than just breakfast.

“Nobody’s ever…” Tony stopped, cutting the thought off, and then smiled at Jim. “Thanks,” he told him, unwrapping it and taking a huge bite with a smile around his lips.

They settled into an easy quiet for a few minutes, and then Tony cleared his throat.

“Hey,” he said, and when Jim looked up, the smile that was around his face was softer and more shy, that overconfident attitude that he used like an armor chipping away. “I know you’ve got reading to do, but… You wanna watch Star Wars with me?”

Jim grinned at him. “Fuck yeah,” he declared, abandoning his books to climb up on the bed beside Tony. “Budge up, man.”

#rhodeyweek2020 #ironbros #james rhodes #tony stark #meet ugly #mit era #protective rhodey #fic #my fic

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