#other than being overweight tbh
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ATEEZ Park Seonghwa Tarot Reading - Ideal Type
Disclaimer: I do tarot readings for fun, so please read them with a grain of salt. Don’t take my words too seriously and just keep an open mind. Tarot is a divination tool that can’t predict the future, as every single individual has their own will and makes their own decisions. Tarot is not a fixed fate. It should be seen as a guidance and a good friend that just has your best interest and gives you advice when needed. I’m not putting anyone in my readings on a pedestal nor am I trying to harm anyone. One last side note, I’m not a native speaker, so please excuse any wrong spellings or poor grammar.
Date of Reading: May 26th 2024
Decks: Edgar Allan Poe Tarot
Their Personality - VII The Chariot, XIV Temperance (R), VI The Lovers (R)
Seonghwa’s ideal type is committed, determined and holds a lot of strength. He loves someone who has a certain duality to themself, like being cute on one side but also very powerful and strong on the other. His ideal partner loves to travel the world and explore new things on the regular. They love to take action when he’s hesitant. His ideal partner won’t shy back from challenges and encourages him to do the same.
Seonghwa is into someone who’s a bit more extreme. It seems like he wants someone who’s challenging him in way. Like someone he can not have from the beginning. Someone who is very free and independent and hard to pin down. He feels drawn to people who aren’t interested in him, maybe even ignore him. Seonghwa’s ideal type could be the complete opposite of him. Also I’m getting the vibe of someone who’s naturally has relationship or trust issues.
His ideal type is someone who could be detached from reality and has a hard time finding harmony. It’s giving “I can fix them” vibe on Seonghwa’s side tbh. He is also into someone who’s an underdog. Someone being completely misunderstood by society. He’d be into someone who doesn’t actually want to be in a relationship, thinking he could change their mind in a way. A forbidden fruit.
Physical Appearance - III The Empress (R), Two of Swords (R), Queen of Pentacles (R)
Seonghwa’s ideal type has a certain imbalance about their look. Like some asymmetrical facial features, or a style that doesn’t match their face. His ideal type could have some messy hair or a bit of a messy style. But still look somewhat expensive. He as well could feel drawn to a person with a more sick complexion, deep under eye bags, maybe more on the slimmer or bit overweight side. There’s also something artificial and overindulging about their look. So maybe for example some outstanding nails or plastic surgeries. The cards are talking about neglecting yourself but also overindulging in material stuff. He could be into body hair or/and facial hair. His ideal type is someone older than him or just giving off a more mature and experienced vibe.
For general style I see someone who’s combining clothes that usually wouldn’t really match or society wouldn’t see as a good combo. Similar to Hongjoong, his ideal type loves ripped or stained clothes to get a somewhat used look going. Giving off some rebellious, anti glamorous energy.
•••
Love, Nicky 🫧
Masterlist
#ateez#ateez tarot#kpop#kpop tarot#seonghwa#ateez tarot reading#kpop tarot reading#park seonghwa#seonghwa tarot reading#seonghwa tarot#tarot#tarot reading
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Yandere Octavinelle Headcanons
TW/CW: Dark content up ahead!! Yandere content specifically, mentions of abuse, manipulation, violence towards the reader, mental instability, etc. Proceed with caution!
Mini side note because of the comment (that is now deleted or either I’m blocked) from my Savannaclaw Headcanons. This is yandere content, granted a quick glance at all my headcanons and other pieces by creators, you’ll see how different everyone’s interpertation and writing is different. Not every yandere content out there is yandere simulator. I don’t think all of these character is gonna pick a weapon and start going to town on half the cast. I like to focus on how they’d be in a relationship, how they’d react, and what I think they are capable of. So no, a lot of my content doesn’t have someone stalking their S/O and killing potential suitors but that doesn’t mean it’s not yandere? Sorry it’s just that I tried adressing it but I guess the OP blocked me, oh well. Enjoy!!
DISCLAIMER:
These are my interpretations of his/her/their persona and none of these is 100% accurate. I don't condone any of these actions in real life and all of this is purely fictional and should be taken as such! Underage characters will ONLY be given SFW headcanons, please respect this decision!
Banner made by @herestrish! Pls don’t steal!
Azul Ashengrotto
Long overdue headcanons, but I shall deliver. Azul is complicated. I think all of Octavinelle is complicated because I can see them acting in two different ways. Azul was bullied for being overweight and it had an impact on his character. He worked hard to get people to see him as someone for his abilities rather than his appearance, even if the means were shady. Post over blot he still has some insecurities, but he doesn’t shy away from them and chooses to face them head-on. As for his yandere type, I can see him as a very manipulative person (no matter what) but I can also see him as very overprotective and clingy.
I’m torn between seeing him as someone who loves his S/O but clings on to the fear that someday they’ll leave him. Resulting in him trying to strike a contract with you without you knowing until after you try to leave him (if you do). He’s confident and prideful, but just like his over blot, he’s horrible at handling his emotions (he just like me fr). The manipulation at first isn’t anything too extreme, just casually bashing others to bring himself up. “He won’t pull his weight on the project, I’ll help you”, or “He’s bad news, nothing good from hanging out with them.” Little by little he’ll limit who you hang out with, and what you do, and he’ll build himself up as the ever so reliable and helpful Azul.
Overprotective, almost all of them are tbh. He cares for you, genuinely. He just can’t express himself truthfully, he might see the relationship the same he’d see a deal. He holds himself to a high standard, the type to never break a sweat in public but deep down panicking the whole time. He’d probably have the Leech twins be your bodyguards from time to time and they’ll agree for the most part. It’s interesting to see what Azul finds intriguing about you. Besides, it’s amusing to see Azul care for you in his way, even if he gets embarrassed and fumbles the bag. Cares for your education and your reputation!
This is where it gets me, I’m not quite sure how this happens. If you meet Azul and you guys develop a relationship, kudos! If not, he might strike a deal. I’m conflicted because I see Azul as someone who cherishes the type of relationship where they get to know each other and see their true selves, but I also see him as the type to be afraid of that. He’s worked tirelessly to build himself up but if he confessed to his S/O and they said no, I don’t think he could ever recover. To avoid being hurt, he’d probably use shady means to get his S/O. This is where he might strike a deal. He’ll catch you in a shady deal, an embarrassing situation, etc. He’ll use it as blackmail, forcing you into a relationship with him. He’s not that clingy though, don’t mistake him. He’ll wave it off as a business deal, it benefits us both so what do you have to lose? It’s confusing really, Azul doesn’t seem to care (if you happen to go down this route only) so why did he propose this deal? If his S/O just can’t stand it and proposes to cancel whatever deal they have that binds them to him, he’ll snap.
He’ll cry, reverting to his crybaby self. He’s so insecure he can’t stand the idea of your rejection. He’s clinging, begging you to reconsider. He’ll do anything you ask of him just please, please don’t leave him. He’ll rewrite a contract, he’ll show affection, he’ll give you anything you want just don’t say that. Don’t even think of leaving him. It’s quite a sight really, you never thought the same man who once held himself up so high is on his knees begging for forgiveness and to make it right. This is why he’s a bit complicated, I feel like the very manipulative ‘read the fine print’ man suits Azul, but at the same time, he’s a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. Granted you’d have to push his buttons a lot for that to happen, but it’s a possibility.
In terms of scale, I want to say it’s a 6/10. His contracts are where he gets you hence why it’s a bit high. The contact that he can use to steal any ability you have is quite a tricky one. He’s powerful, and he knows how to use it but it doesn’t help much when he’s not so great himself.
Floyd Leech
Run. No kidding, as a yandere the Leech brothers are fucking scary as all hell. I want to start and say this, in normal general relationship headcanons do I see the Leech brothers as genuinely loving their S/O? Yes of course, but these are yandere headcanons and while it’s not impossible don’t hold your breath. As yanderes, these brothers are out for blood. They’ll share similar traits with a few exceptions, I see Floyd as being clingy, possessive, and sadistic.
The leech brothers don’t see their S/O as a partner for now, they’re only a pet for now. Floyd would be clingy in the sense that he sticks to you like glue. He’s always there, whenever you think you have privacy, you don’t. While they both act like gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe, Floyd is that gum that’s visible but won’t come off. Meaning, you see him and know he’s coming, just that you can’t stop him. He’s always there, meaning the torment never ends. He drives people away, nobody comes to your rescue because nobody wants to mess with him.
He sees his S/O as a toy. While both want to see your reactions, what makes you tick and you’re there for their amusement, Floyd is restless. As long as this doesn’t interrupt Azul’s work, don’t count on him for saving. He’s sadistic, he wants to hurt his S/O. At first, we’re under the impression that he doesn’t know what's wrong and that he just needs to be talked to. It spirals when you notice that he does know what he does and fully intends to continue. The type to push you to the cafeteria floor and then ask, “Is everything okay? Don’t get my shoes dirty shrimpy. . .” He hides behind that fake concern and laid-back persona. Any ‘accident’, I can assure you is not one. Your report that you worked tirelessly on is suddenly missing? Your project is in ruins? You didn’t finish your presentation? All of Floyds doing, he simply enjoys seeing you in uncomfortable situations. He smiles when you make eye contact with him mid-scolding from Trein. He offers false condolences when your project is broken, earning praise for being so concerned for you. What a nice friend isn’t he?
Despite all his flaws, he doesn’t let anyone mess with you. He rather be the cause of your suffering. Possessive in the sense that you belong to him. You don’t belong to anyone else, your face of sadness? He’s the only one meant to see them. Your faces of anguish and frustration, he’s the cause of it and he lives for it. You can go ahead and tell someone and they’d respond the same, “Sure Floyd is eccentric but he’s not evil, you sure you’re not just making it up?” Anyone who does believe you aren’t strong enough to go against him. On the yandere scale, he’s a 10/10. He’s dangerous, if you haven’t caught his attention, run. I also want to add, that their S/O is mostly going to become stress relief. They’ll be on edge with any sudden mood shifts because they already know that they’re their go to stress ball. The Leech brothers are not the best, they’re VERY dangerous.
Jade Leech
Don’t bother running, you won’t get far. His are manipulative, obsessive, possessive, and sadistic. The issue with Floyd is that he makes his nature apparent, Jade conceals it. Quite frankly, Jade is scarier because he’s unpredictable. He’s seen as a super reliable and respectable person, very professional. The type to take on extra workload if needed but professional enough to stand up and know when to say no. He’s the manipulator of the two, he has a way with words that makes you genuinely think he has your best interests in mind. Masquerading his true intentions behind his smile.
If you’ve ever seen Drrr!!, he reminds me a lot of Izaya. The type to observe you in difficult situations to see what kind of person you are. How do creatures like you work? What is your design? You’re quite a fascinating subject. He loves to see how you react to any situation. He’s quite obsessive, he wants to know anything and all there has to do regarding you. Often stalking you or inviting you out to the monstro lounge to observe you. Down to how you hold your glass he’s invested. He knows your likes and dislikes, your phobias, your friends, your social life, and what goes down at your dorm. He needs to know after all to create your life trials.
He’s possessive. Unlike Floyd, he lets others do the tormenting for him. Though he still believes your expressions are his alone, he would rather stay in the shadows to keep up his reliable facade a bit more. You’re his, he doesn’t like sharing and Jade makes that quite clear. The moment anybody wishes to get close to you he’d get rid of them. Either feeding them lies about you or simply scaring them away. He’s sadistic, he wants to hit you where it hurts. While Floyd prefers physical pain, Jade prefers mental pain. He enjoys the little things that bring you anguish. The betrayal of a friend, watching everyone turns against you, rumors destroying what little reputation you have left leaving Jade as your only companion.
To add more to both, they see their S/O as a form of entertainment. They have no means of leaving you or letting you leave. The only way I can see their S/O leaving is if they got too boring. They stopped fighting. They no longer had any fight left in their eyes but while Floyd would be the first one to suggest leaving you, I think Jade would still find use. They want to light the spark. The torment stops, even for a while and you suddenly think all your efforts have paid off. Finally, they lost interest but what a scary sight it is to see them waiting for you ready to continue their torment. As far as the yandere scaling, I say Jade is an 11/10. Floyd is a danger, yes, but you already know he is. Jade hides that part of himself until he’s ready. You won’t know when he’ll strike. Both are true to their nature, suffocating. Their presence alone makes you stop breathing, they’re just too much and at some point, you start to think that maybe it was better if you met the eyes of somebody else.
#yandere twisted wonderland#yandere octavinelle#yandere azul x reader#yandere azul ashengrotto#yandere floyd leech#yandere floyd x reader#yandere jade x reader#yandere jade leech#yandere twst#twst wonderland#twst x reader#tw yandere#tw:yandere#yandere#yandere x y/n#yandere x reader#yandere x darling#yandere x you#yandere headcanons#yandere headcannons#yandere imagines#kikyan
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Am I still shaking? Yes. Is this my dream podium? Also yes. But here’s my post race analysis since it’s Half time in the Premier League and I’m still nervous (this time for Arsenal)
Aston Martin is in a mixed state. At one hand, Alonso’s crash cost him, and the team the race, but on the other, Lance did do everything he could to finish in the points. And it was such a solid performance from both, but due to Nando’s pit start, he wasn’t able to get them points
Mercedes are starting to look better. Is it a major jump? No, but they were both able to overtake, and slowly getting there
Haas are a midfield team we have to consider no matter what. Nico with an EPIC drive, just shirt if points and Kevin making up places, to end right behind Nico. They needed that change and it’s impacting them positively.
VCARB, also a team that needs to be on the radars. They are good, pit stops are so good consistently, with the stops not exceeding 3 seconds like their competitors. Multiple solid performance and almost consistent points scored. They are on the climb, and it’s honestly something that makes me personally very happy. Also Yuki Goat
Williams, the team and the car is so shit, pits today were so bad. THEY NEED TO ASSESS THEMSELVES BEFORE CRITICISING THE DRIVERS. Alex having to retire and Logan doing his damn best in an overweight, not upgraded car. Yeah they need a wake up call.
Ferrari, the upgrades are quick, and that’s something that we can all agree on. Carlos was okay, but Charles drove his heart out today. Keeping Oscar behind him and putting pressure on Lando, it’s something that we all have to acknowledge and respect. And give Ferrari the credit with the car they built.
McLaren are showing teeth, Oscar with the full upgrades, Lando on that high. This team will be in contention for the top 3, and as we saw today, strategy, track layout and having the car that can put pressure on RedBull. (Those laps will haunt me)
Finally Red Bull. Checo, as a start, did rewlly well considering the set up that idk what was up, but it is what it is, and his starting position, especially since the track doesn’t have much overtaking zones. From P11 to P8. That’s good, but not enough for Red Bull standards. And he needs to wake up not to lose his seat. As for our Number One. Firstly, he’s number one for a reason and A DAMN GOOD ONE. The car wasn’t the fastest all weekend, with Friday the car being a full blown shit show. Saturday the set up being good, but nit testing the hards and getting pole when not even expected, and finally today, driving his actual heart out, and with his experience, keeping Lando behind him for 5 laps with less than 1.5 seconds gap, and then not having any type of tiny mistake when he knew it would cost him, he’s the best for that reason, and that’s why he and GP are considered the best engineer-driver duo on the grid rn, because they know how to communicate and how to win, even if the car wasn’t the fastest. Also, giving credit where credit is due to Sebastian Buemi and Jake Dennis, who have both stayed 11+ hours both in the sim back at base to work on and perfect the set up. This victory couldn’t have been possible if not for them.
So yeah, Imola done and dusted, probably one of the best races I’ve ever seen, but also one of the most nerve racking ones. I’m still shaking from Lando Max battle, though I enjoyed it. We got our Lestappen Podium. And tbh it was my personal dream podium. And hope you enjoy Jurgen’s last game, I know it’s an emotional one to say the least❤️
Wonderful analysis as always, my darling! And as always, I don't have much to add so I'll just leave most of this in all its glory.
The only thing I will say is that I wasn't really worried about Max and Lando. Had the race been longer, yes, I definitely would have been. But as it was? I didn't worry about Lando overtaking Max at all. But it was such a fun race even so, and I'm always happy with a Lestappen podium in addition to a Max win!
To be perfectly honest, I have been a mess since before kickoff and I'm still struggling to properly wrap my head around the Klopp era having come to an end. But what a beautiful, emotional send-off he got. (Virg and Trent crying at full-time shattered my fucking heart.) I can't wait to see what Arne Slot will bring, and I'm undeniably excited about the future. But right now I'm just sad and empty that Jürgen won't be there next season.
I'm really sorry Arsenal didn't manage to get the Premier League title in the end. I would have much preferred seeing them win it instead of City. ❤️
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can i request headcanons for atsu with a chubby (not fat or overweight, just kind of round or pear-shaped) gender neutral reader? like the kinds of date they go on, how they live together, the ways they support each other (maybe a little bit of nsfw if you're comfortable?)?
- ☕
࿐ character(s): Atsumu Miya
࿐ genre: sfw, fluff
࿐ type: headcanons
�� requested by: anon
⌦ chubby gn!reader (they/them)
⌦ art used as the header: kkumri !! (love their work a lot.) if i need to take down the header, i will and change it to something else if needed.
A/N: i don't do nsfw/suggestive here on this blog anymore, so you could probably request it on my thirst blog which is found on my navigation post if you are still interested <3
but i hope i did this okay !! i havent written in sooo long and this is my first one for chubby reader so i hope i did okay :'] *runs away*
→ honestly, i feel like Atsumu would give no fucks on your body type. he's genuinely in love with you on how you are, no matter your looks. practically will praise you a lot if your mind wanders off negatively.
→ self-conscious about it? he'll definitely know that and will fluster you with compliments and such. even if he's practically yelling about it at some point... he has no filter sometimes, especially if its about you- his lover !! he loves you so much :((
→ definitely thigh guy (shit me too man.)
→ though, if you get too overwhelmed with his flood of compliments and praises, he'll definitely try to take lil'baby steps with you to feel more confident. always there to reassure ya.
→ your number one supporter in shorter terms-
→ i feel like he tends to avoid a lot of public dates- just to be cautious if you get too insecure. but conversate with him, he'll definitely listen to you on your ideas of dates. though- he's really easy to persuade due to you having his heart in such a grasp. hah- he's smitten tbh-
→ sometimes likes it when you dress up when you go out on dates. you'll catch him staring with his mouth open like an idiot. guaranteed.
→ either that or him covering his face with his hands, fingers moved to just see the slightest of you. his face flushed. flustered atsumu-
→ definitely loves cuddling with you- its kinda his excuse to give him a moment to just take you all in. hope you enjoy being stuck with him for a moment... or longer than a "moment".
→ first thing he would do is just pinch and/or poke you- as in instinctual thing. but eventually would continue to get a cute reaction from ya.
→ surprises you a lot whenever he picks you up randomly- its one of his favorite thing to do besides the long-lasting damn cuddling.
→ his favorite pillow. favorite teddy bear. plushie. you fucking name it. you are his favorite thing to cuddle.
→ TEASES- SO MANY- but he tries not to be too excessive with it... key word tries. he loves to make you flustered, dear.
→ lowkey will gently peck your rolls. would squish his face against you at any moment he can. just the pure adoration on his face. his expression.
→ Atsumu, I must say, adores you so much. Genuinely head over heels for you. He loves you as you are. No matter looks. Appearance. He just loves you. Sometimes he's- doubting himself even if he could deserve someone just as much as you <3
→ But if you are doubting yourself on that Atsumu is way out of your league... You're wrong. He will honestly bark out reasonings why you are so perfect n just so- grararara anyways,, go off Atsu-
#at-dusk;- 🌆#folder 📁;- 𝙷𝚊𝚒𝚔𝚢𝚞𝚞#atsumu x reader#atsumu x gn!reader#atsumu x male reader#atsumu miya x reader#atsumu miya x gn reader#atsumu miya x male reader#haikyuu x chubby reader#hq x chubby reader#x reader#x male reader#x gn reader#x gender neutral reader
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THANK YOU for putting it into words I’m tired of people dogpiling on neurodivergent creators for being neurodivergent in ways other people don’t relate to . Kindly bringing up ideas or critiques is not making entire accounts and encouraging opinions to be turned into something kittycorn did wrong
YES THANK YOU. You are actually way better at wording than I am haha.
It kind of reminds me of those people who used to be overweight who take it upon themselves to shame fat people online in order to “help them” or something by exposing them to what people in the real world think of them. It’s this whole thing of well aren’t you lucky that someone who understands you is putting you down. If it wasn’t me right now it would be a bigot so I’m helping.
Questioning kit’s requests for people to respect their boundaries with their self inserts because “they can’t actually expect people to do that, it’s the internet,” getting mad at them for reacting negatively to criticism when they should expect that much and worse when within a public space, calling them unreasonable for expecting people to take their trauma into account, plus the whole thing about the trigger warnings and emetophobia and how people shouldn’t be that sensitive in response to cartoons, it all revolves around this urge for “tough love” which really just feels like internalized ableism to me.
I’m aware they aren’t all like that and most of them have some actual legitimate concerns about the comic, but the philosophy behind what they’re doing is fundamentally gross.
I probably shouldn’t have gotten myself in this situation to begin with tbh but I just saw this stuff and I was thinking about so many different things it reminds me of and how weird it is that things like this keep happening and I just really wanted to say something.
Also imagine being mad that there are not enough unisexual binary gendered men in a character lineup lmao
#sparklecare#trying to use thise paragraphs breaks I’ve heard so much about#sorry this one is a long one#tw fatphobia#tw fat shaming#fatphobia mention#tw ableism#tw internalized ableism
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I'm not going to go on about it here (other than this confession I guess) but I kind of actually like the part of the DD community that focuses on ecchi, sexualization, etc of the dolls. My country and the English-speaking internet in general are very sex-negative and seeing people expressing this sort of sex-positive enjoyment of the hobby and cute anime girls in general makes me feel a lot less uncomfortable than seeing people who scream "pedo" at someone for risque pictures of fictional cartoons. Also as woman who is also attracted to women (bi, specifically, but that's beside the point), I can appreciate the skimpy outfits and busty characters.
Don't assume everyone who finds anime dolls sexy is some "incel neckbeard" or whatever you want to stereotype them as. And tbh a lot of the people stereotyped that way are often just people having fun in their own spaces (not actual incels, that community is nasty for other reasons, mainly misogyny). People say "cringe is dead" and then go after someone for, say, being male and overweight and enjoying a hobby. People having fun don't have to look a certain way to be considered valid. I could rant about this more but my point is, as long as it's kept in proper spaces and people not interested have ways to avoid seeing it if they choose, let grown adults portray their dolls however the fuck they want.
~Anonymous
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who’s bianca conchita
OKAY OKAY SO. HAVE YOU LISTENED TO DAUGHTER OF EVIL AND SERVANT OF EVIL? (PERHAPS REGRET MESSAGE TOO?)
BANICA IS FROM THE SAME UNIVERSE! I'll try to be brief here but since i dont trust myself ill put the rest under a cut <3
Content warning for a lot. And I mean a lot of Cannibalism. also mentions of weight. and eating stuff that really shouldn't be eaten
Evillious chronicles is based around the 7 deadly sins (lust, gluttony, pride, sloth, envy, greed, wrath) (the order i put those in is important i promise)
Rilliane's (The Rin from daughter of evil-servant of evil-regret message) (theres more songs to that arc but those are the most popular and. personally not a big fan of twiright prank sorry </3) arc is pride arc!
But today we'll be talking abt Banica, whose arc is gluttony. She's a Meiko module(? i think thats the word) and therefore very pretty <3
She has two songs as far as I remember, first of which takes place during Gluttony arc [Evil Food Eater Conchita] and the second of which takes place after in the. Limbo areas tbh I don't understand how the court and graveyard work </3 but this second song is called Master of the Graveyard
Only one other song from Gluttony arc is coming to mind [Drug of Gold] but i think there are a few more that are somewhat related? Like Hänsel and Gretel's songs mention their incarnations as Arte and Pollo
So! Now that that's out of the way, I'll start explaining her story to the best of my ability (<- went through evillious wikis religiously last year) (sorry vany if you're seeing this i went a little insane back then)
It starts off with people celebrating Banica's birth (she's a future duke! unless im misremembering she got the title of duke and not duchess) with a feast! But the baemu pig they ate happened to have the glass of conchita (vessel for gluttony) in it's system and ended up giving everyone that ate it The Disease™.
this disease (its called Gula) kills them if theyre not full all the time. so they end up eating a lot of fucked up shit (iirc cardboard was on that list?)
banica didnt have gula but her mom still made her eat the same portions as everyone else AND THEN BASICALLY EVERYONE DIES. at some point banica's mom tries eating the corpse of a dead servant when her dad shot her mom.
after the death of her mom banica locked herself up in the food storage basement thing of her mansion :( but a little while later two twin servants appeared, arte and pollo! (they are reincarnations of hänsel and gretel. basically the kind of people that rilliane and allen were supposed to be) she became close friends w the twins and stayed w them basically all the time <3
basically arte and pollo were introduced to banica by her dad or some other surviving servant. timeskip a lil and she's engaged to this guy called Carlos Marlon who's a prince. they spoke and she did make a good impression on his parents! yay!
and i dont rmb how true this is, but i do think i read somewhere that carlos commented on her being overweight? sorry i wasnt nearly as fixated on gluttony arc as some of the other arcs
over a bunch of months, they became close and warmed up to the idea of marriage. but like during this time she ate less than usual bc she was afraid carlos would dislike her if he found out what she was like
then another feast. but there was a wine glass. this brought all of banica's trauma relating to the glass of conchita back and she became fixated on the left overs before eating all the food on the table. this then led to her engagement getting cancelled :(
after her engagement was cancelled, she went back to the mansion and she decided to immerse herself in food and food culture. she gained the title of a gourmand in her country, beelzenia! (im p sure its based of spain :3)
she travelled to several other countries (arte and pollo in tow bc ofc <3) to improve beelzenia's food culture! girlboss! she learned abt many famous chefs, one of which was josef crim. unfortunately he's dead :(
copy pasting the next para from the wiki -
' Supported by Juno, Banica introduced her ideas to Beelzenia, greatly improving its food culture and adding to its cuisine, radically increasing the domestic foods in the empire as a result. During this period she began developing a new wine, dubbed "Blood Grave", with the cooperation of the local farmers. '
so yeah! things are going great for banica! she even got the formal title of "Noble Gourmand Banica" (gourmand from before was probably more of a nickname)
and then her dad died
sorry queen </3 just like when her engagement was broken off, she found solace in food. around this time is when she got the title of duke. she traveled some more bc she was still grieving her dad when she got the news that one of her loyal servants, Ron, went missing.
but she collapsed when she went back bc of organ abnormalities. when she got checked out by her doctor, they concluded it was bc of her overeating.
but arte and pollo, loyal servants as they are, had been keeping the glass of conchita (that housed the demon of gluttony) with them! and since their master might die soon, they decided it was the perfect time to use it. they kept it by her bedside and the demon started talking to banica.
it told her abt how she'd only eaten half of the world's food and theres sooo much more for her to consume <3<3 she should totally make a contract with it! she wouldnt die if she made the contract + she'd get to eat more and more of the food this beautiful world has to offer
she initially declined bc yknow all of that stuff happened that happened when she was young? she knows that her mom and the other servants died bc of the demon (or more specifically the disease which was caused by the demon)
the demon left but kept the wine glass and said that if she drank from it, the contract would be sealed. -> "The next morning she awoke and saw the glass, realizing it was full of baemu blood when smelling it. Consumed by her curiosity, Banica drank after minimal hesitation, making the contract." [copy pasted from the wiki]
after making the contract, she 'miraculously' made a full recovery! she also became thinner. with her new abilities, she decided to try eating stuff she's never tried.
she held a banquet with her, the duke, as the host. at the end, she asked her servants to bring dessert which included live insects and spiders. [sorry banica but thats kinda gross </3] the audience she had was pretty disgusted but she had fun at least?
some time passed after the banquet and she decided she wouldn't leave the mansion anymore and have arte and pollo manage the estate and her territories. she did it on accounts of her organ abnormalities :3
after denouncing the outside world she used the demon's powers to reanimate the dead bc yes! she reanimated the servants and created an undead army to guard her mansion. she also reanimated livestock to serve as her meals.
after that point she began hiring a bunch of chefs to make her food but she was always irritated at them bc they were disgusted by her appetite. so of course, she had arte and pollo kill and then cook them so she could eat their corpses. girl moment fr
after getting rid of one guy, she hired Josef Crim. but you might be wondering, isnt josef dead??? well. thats not josef. thats Carlos. her former fiance. so at one point she gets drunk and they fuck 👍 she's pregnant now
oh yeah the imperial family's kept sending letters to her but she ignored them like spam callers. so they sent an army! but she has an undead army WOOOOOO!! Carlos-Josef recognized Ron (guy from earlier) and banica told him how she now wants to devour the world <3
carlos was scared so he tried to escape. banica sent arte and pollo to catch him and he gave the excuse of trying to take a vacation but. he's not allowed vacations <3 banica is niceys tho so she didnt have him killed. yet.
a few days later, carlos served her poison soup (that he'd eat together bc dying together is pretty romantic. carlos really was onto smthn there) but she is a demon contractor and cannot die unless its at the hands of another contractor or vessel so. Only carlos died. a shame, really.
banica figured out what happened so since he's already dead, might as well have arte and pollo cook him. nothing like eating your lover <3
fast forward a few months, her baby is born! woooo!!! i dont really rmb what happens next but she does end up eating arte and pollo. in the words of leo, Oh kaito we're really in it now
banica ran out of food and servants. and since she's a contractor of gluttony, she's still hungry. fuck. oh shit her baby's crying. hey. the baby is food, right? she can eat that, right?
so she took a plate out and put the baby on it.
and she was going to eat it but after seeing the kid's face, she decided not to bc thats her kid.
the demon doesnt like that very much and tells her that hey, actually, yknow that poison that guy fed you? yeah it's actually one of the few things that *can* kill you and is actually do it!
basically the poison was shavings of the vessel of wrath (the golden key. hence. drug of gold) and it def can kill her. not sure if it would work as slowly as the demon is claiming, but it would most definitely kill her in larger amounts. and she ate carlos who also had a dose of the poison in him.
the demon said the kid is a 'vaccine' for that (bro thats. Not how vaccines work at all) but she still refused to eat her child. she began to see the demon take shape in her mind and it looks like a baemu pig with bat wings. yeah. sounds horrifyingly disgusting.
so she ate herself! wahoo <3 copy pasting the wiki again
' Exploiting her contract, Banica's consumption of her body allowed her to become a demon herself; gaining all of the demon's knowledge and power. '
so thats technically the end of gluttony arc but she does have more to her story (from Master of the Graveyard and i think a few other songs?) but i dont rmb most of that sorry </3
if you actually managed to read all of that. damn Thank you
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is it normal to not really wanna lose weight because of dysphoria? I'm really overweight, obese actually, and I think it would probably be a good idea to lose some for various reasons (wanting to be a better candidate for top surgery, put less stress on my body in the long term, fit clothes more comfortably, etc.) but tbh when I think back to the last time I was significantly thinner all I can think about is how awful my dysphoria felt. I hated my chest and how it stood out, I hated being perceived as a candidate for sexual attraction in any way, my appearance didn't feel like it remotely matched me in any way. I used to hate myself for being fat because I saw myself as lazy and morally deficient for being unable to be "fit", but once I realized that that would be a horrible assumption to make of anybody else just because they looked like me, things got a lot better. Now the weight feels like the equivalent of an enormous hoodie. The fat obscures and deforms the parts of my body people would associate with female sexuality. It gives me a bulk and broadness like a padded brick wall. It feels a lot more like being me than other versions of myself. Of course given how hard it is to lose weight, it's probably a moot point as there won't be much perceivable difference, but even so, I'm uncomfortable with the thought.
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hot sunny take: i hate the way fat mac and the jokes around him were written. obviously i love mac, so i still love him regardless, but i just hate what they did with his character and the jokes the other characters make at his expense. they literally just turn him into a fat stereotype for one season (lazy, obsessed with food, gross/sloppy/wheezing) and emphasize his fatness for comedy by making him wear small shirts half the time (which is super cute but i know the intention is 'ahaha look how fat he is isn't that funny'). and the jokes... so they're supposed to be similar to the gay jokes right- they're making fun of the fact that he's in denial about being fat. but here's the difference: they accept him for being gay but they hate him for being fat. soo they just come off as mean. lastly, the whole reason rob gained the weight was to satirize sitcom characters getting more attractive over the series, which just equates fatness to ugliness. (btw this critique is coming from a fat person). thank u for coming to my ted talk
OMG HII YES! i've always been overweight and i like s7 a lot but the fat jokes are like...personally hurtful? and therefore not funny. the joke is only funny if the butt of the joke can laugh along, like i as a gay person can do with the gay mac jokes. i can't laugh along with the fat jokes -- it just confirms all of the societal messages i've received my entire life saying that i'm ugly and gross and less-than because of my weight. i was spoiling for a fight but this opinion is something i've thought for YEARS and tbh it's soooooo loud that all the fatphobia in s7 isn't one of the bigger criticisms of the show when people talk about "problematic" things they've done over the years
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I apologize if this isn't appropriate and comes off too negative but I honestly hate the setup of the comics they used for Invader Zim Enter the Florpus? Like it feels like a two issue excuse to humiliate and bully Dib for cheap laughs and make him a fat joke, and it pisses me off that people really hold that as a "highlight" of the comics. I'd have been livid if the movie was a straight adaptation.
Okay so I have a lot of thoughts about this, but before I go into any of that I want to first state that no, you are not being inappropriate at all! I think criticism of the things we love is very important, and Invader Zim is no exception. It's been a while since I engaged with discussion like this, but I think it's very valuable and so are your thoughts! Because honestly I agree with your point here. I think you're right.
That being said, I'm going to reblog this to @dib-shit because I think it's worth it to have this more visible to other IZ fans. I'm sorry if I go off for too long, but you really did spark something I me because I really agree with what you wrote. I literally have almost a 3 page essay below the cut.
This is something that's been on my mind for a while now tbh. I don't remember if I posted or reblogged something about it in the past, but I do think it maybe needs some more attention. Because I actually agree. As much as I love Invader Zim and Enter the Florpus, the way Dib was handled in the setup for the series continuation in the comics and the movie is... bad. And I think it brings to light that IZ, like all media, is not immune to issues and criticism.
First, there's the very blatant fatphobia surrounding Dib in this situation. Invader Zim, in retrospect, is incredibly fatphobic as a series. Part of this could be because it was the early 2000s, a time that seemed to decide it was a cultural obligation to hate fat people for just existing. But that's absolutely no excuse, especially for the return of IZ in the comics and the movie.
In the show, we constantly see these extremely gross depictions of fat people, one of the more obvious examples being Bloaty/the man who plays Bloaty. There are lesser examples like Eric the Blob in the fry cook episode and Willy, among others. Then, of course, Dib in the setup for the Movie/comics. This is a pattern. People who are fat in IZ are treated like they are disgusting creatures that chose to be that way because they were too "lazy" or "gross." And that's what happened with Dib. His obsession resulted in him not caring for himself properly (mostly not showering and going outside imo... But the comic movie focuses on him gaining weight) and while it does try to use this to highlight Dib's personal issues with how he cares for himself, it does so in a mocking and mean-spirited tone. As you said, it comes off like an excuse for cheap laughs.
To be clear to anyone that needs to hear it:
being fat does not make someone gross. Nor is someone a bad person for struggling to care for themselves.
While it is important for us to practice self-care, I feel that a lot of our culture focuses WAY too much on being "not fat" when there are way more important parts of self-care, such as mental health and hygiene practices (said by someone who has struggled his whole life with both things).
Diet culture is a scam.
Being fat is not as extremely “unhealthy” as it is portrayed to be, most fat people are just fine.
Everything we do has health risks, assholes just use "health" as an excuse to hate people for no reason. And if you really want to obsess over health, being overweight is better than being underweight for your body.
Even then, no matter how "unhealthy" someone might be, that NEVER justifies treating them with resentment and disgust. It is not that hard to treat others kindly.
This leads into how Dib was treated for getting fat and not cleaning himself. He was mocked by everyone around him when clearly something was wrong with his mental health. I know this is a cartoon, but consider that this was a 12-year-old kid who locked himself in his room and no one helped him or reached out to make sure he was okay. Especially Professor Membrane, who seemed to not care that his son was not doing well mentally or physically. Dib is a child. Dib is not an adult who can fully understand his choices and struggles and may need assistance in life as any child would. Dib is a child who needed support from a parental figure and he did not get it. Then when he tries to recover, Gaz treats him like an animal and hoses him down. Again, this is a cartoon so there are going to be ridiculous extremes. But when paired with the fact that he was turned into a fat joke for this bit, it has an uncomfortable vibe to it.
There were many ways to show him physically deteriorating from his mental illness without just turning him into a fat joke. I don't have an issue with him being physically unwell, I have issues with how they handled it.
That is mostly where the movie stops. But not the comics. In my opinion, the comics were way worse, and based on your ask I think you agree. The comics continue with Dib's story, and as you said, he is absolutely beaten down in a way that felt excessive and very mean-spirited for cheap laughs and humiliation. When ignoring all the issues with how Dib's physical state was presented, there is still the fact that he manages to recover. And anyone that has been through shit will tell you that recovery is not pretty, and it is not easy. Whether from trauma, illness, addiction, or physical struggles, there will always be elements of the recovery process that are unpleasant, painful, and sometimes even gross.
Dib's recovery process from living in his dark room for however long... Was mocked. It was recorded, uploaded, and treated as a joke both to the IZ universe and to us readers. The audience is intended to laugh at this kid who went through the painful and unpleasant process of recovery. This especially rubs me the wrong way. Because what does this tell people who might be going through their own recovery? What message does that send kids about what they should look like when they are trying to get better? What does that tell kids who have disabilities that may reflect some of what Dib was temporarily dealing with? I know this is a funny haha comic… but sometimes a joke can cross a line.
The panel of Dib clearly feeling uncomfortable because he had an accident and needs Gaz to help him clean himself hits a very personal cord for me. There are cases when a disability causes someone to struggle with using the bathroom. That was Dib's situation. He was still stuck in his chair and actively trying to get better, but he wasn't done with the process. People with disabilities get enough shit as it is. They don't need to be reminded of the things they get mocked for, and they also don't need to be mocked for it at all!! I have been in Gaz's position here. Never in a million fucking years would I think it's okay to make fun of someone for this when I know they have little to no control, aren't doing it on purpose, and likely already feel so much shame/embarrassment from something like that. I get it.
But just... The entire concept of it being "funny" that the whole universe is laughing at Dib for his recovery process is just horrible. Again, I know this is a series where everyone is gross and everyone is mean. But this... I felt went a little too far and a little too close to what real people are mocked for all the time. It's just blatant ableism.
So yeah. I absolutely agree that if they incorporated the second half of the comic’s intro into the movie, I would've been pissed! There's a line between making fun of a character and just bullying them in a way that hits too close to home for some, especially when the audience is expected to laugh along at the character's expense. Laughing at Dib when he's admittedly a creep in the early show (specifically thinking of the autopsy video quote in the first episode) is one thing, but laughing at him for trying to recover from a really bad time of his life is something else entirely.
There's probably more I can say about this, but my essay here is already long enough (sorry). Thank you again for sharing these thoughts, I hope I didn't bulldoze my way through this conversation. If anything I said was off/out of line let me know.
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Continuing on my saga of, Skye rants about Epic/High Fantasy and should probably give up but hasn't yet:
I know fat-shaming in general is a problem in media, but what is it about high/epic fantasy specifically that makes them hate anyone overweight? Like I know the stereotype is the main character will be a lean and fit swordsman, or a spindly mage or whatever, but some of these books are just killing me.
Riyria Revelations called out fatness/overweight characters constantly, and they were only ever foppish antagonists too obsessed with food and drink to do anything productive besides being a minor inconvenience. Describing people with saddlebag cheeks, or stomachs that tumble over belts and pin them in furniture. Free the Darkness has a bad problem with caricaturizing people in general, but the first overweight person we run into is described as being so contemptuously fat he can't even pull his sword from his scabbard, contrasted by the main character who is chiseled and beautiful and perfect in his deadliness. Dragons of Autumn Twilight has a goblin who is so "disgustingly overweight" his belly rolls over his saddle horn, and is once again represented as a piggish, idiot antagonist. And that's not getting into the narrators for these audiobooks who make piggish voices for these characters because they're fat so of course they would.
It makes me kinda hot blooded tbh. Like we get it authors, you hate fat people. I think the thing that gets me about it the most is they don't describe other people like this? Someone who is super skinny isn't described as sickly, clammy and pale, with a stereotype for painful social awkwardness. Super strong men are sometimes noted to be a little duller than the average, playing to that stereotype, but they're not rendered dullardly and useless, instead their strength is still played as a formidable challenge. But fat people? Oh no, in the eyes of our godlike, sculpted protagonists, anyone who has a few more pounds packed on is stupid, slow and useless, clearly only in power because of birthright and appointment and no other reason, waiting to be unseated the minute someone fit for their position [and infinitely stronger, quicker and more deadly] can sweep them off it -- all while deriding how hard it is to clean up their massive bodies in the process.
I just get really, really tired of reading it.
I will say I really liked Paladin's Strength, because the main female character Clara is described as being a bigger woman, but that doesn't stop the fact that she can turn into a bear and wreck house any time she wants. Granted, she's also 6ft tall and strong-big instead of fat-big, but I'll take the victories I'm given.
#spazzcat barks#rant#vent#delete later#yes im fat yes im taking it personally#but this used to be my favorite genre goddamnit#first it was how they treated women and now its how theyre treating fat people#and also queer people as well#like i feel its worth mentioning#i understand why people think its innacurate to have a strong fat character#i understand where it comes from#but i dont necessarily want people to go out of their way to make fat characters the protagonists#i just want it recognized that if the person is an antag and theyre overweight#their 'gross terrible fatness' shouldnt be the focus on their antagonism#and insulting how they look the entire time theyre dethroaned instead of -- oh i dont know#drawing attention to the horrible things theyve done#makes it clear theyre not evil because theyre. well. evil. theyre evil because theyre fat#THATS what i dont like
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idk if this is trauma-dumping. it might be so this is your warning ig lol. (mentions of weight (a lot), death, being left out, mean friends? idk it’s a lot i’m just ranting.)
EDIT. THIS IS ACTUALLY A LOT OF TRAUMA DUMPING AND TURNED OUT TO BE LONGER THAN EXPECTED I NEEDED TO LET SOME SHIT OUT.
idk why but i kinda realized that my personality is solely based off of my friends. like. idk. and i don’t necessarily enjoy my personality. i feel like i’m mean, annoying etc. and i think i realized this when i stayed away from my friends for a while. i went and loved with my grandparents for a while and i have like a completely different personality.
i just try to match my friend’s personality, or maybe it whoever i’m talking to or hanging out with. cause i’m hanging out with different friends today and tm and i feel different.
i love my friends. but sometimes i just want to be treated and perceived differently. idk i think it’s why i’ve been trying to shift and why i write fanfic. i kinda always dreamed of this main character persona ig. because idk if anyone knows this but i am overweight. i think on the bmi scale i’m borderline obese (which tbf the bmi scale is a piece of shit tbh - coming from someone who to a medical class for the last two years)
but yeah i’ve never been the skinny pretty friend. if you’ve ever heard the song “fat funny friend” that was basically me throughout my school years tbh. and in elem and middle school i had some friends that definitely gave me trauma because of how they treated me.
now my current friends are just kinda mean, maybe it’s more of one specific friend who i’ve had trouble with in the past. idk around her i can never just feel good about myself. and it’s clear that since i’ve last seen her, her values have changed. and idk it’s kinda hard to come to terms with that because we’ve been best friends for so long. i spent the entire pandemic with her (we literally lived together tbh. like if she wasn’t at my house i was at her and we couldn’t survive 24 hours without each other)
again it’s just sad to feel like i’m less than. esp having like, she struggles with her body image too. which i feel like most people do and that’s okay, and she is skinnier and i feel like if most people would see her they would compliment her for her body. nonetheless it’s very normal and acceptable for her to dislike her body. sadly it’s normal at least (because of unrealistic beauty standards) however. whenever she’s around me and our other friend (who’s smaller than me but still considered plus-mid-size? which we have talked about together many times because can understand each others struggles) anyway the first friend will always make comments like “i feel/look morbidly obese” “i look fat” etc. and again it’s valid to feel that way but at the same time when i (again borderline obese) look at myself and then her and she says that. i literally wanna crawl in a whole and never show myself to the human eye again
idk if that makes me sound like a bitch or selfish. but she knows i’m bigger, we’ve talked about it before. and when our other who (who has been working out and trying to better herself and her health) sent results of her past few months of working out, proud of herself. friend 1 came in sending a body pic of herself in workout clothes says she looks fat and i got so she has to go work out (or something like that) and that’s upsetting to us but especially friend 2 because she is just trying to be happy about her body but then friend 1 comes in and says that her body isn’t enough and she has to work out even tho her body compared to mine and friend 2 is amazing
and i don’t wanna sound like she can’t have insecurities or she can’t talk to us about her insecurities. she can. we always do (friend 2 and i) but i hate the way she (friend 1) talks about weight. and like. another thing. whenever someone annoys her or makes her mad she calls them fat. usually along the lines of “fat bitch” “fat ugly bitch” and she makes fun of their bodies. even if they have the most perfect body. and ofc with years of friendship, we’ve had times where we didn’t get along and when we were pissed at each other. so it makes me wonder what she has said about my body behind my back.
there was a time kinda recently where i got drunk and friend 2’s party and because of some event with friend 1 that happened in the earlier evening. i said some shit. i was black out drunk tbh, i don’t remember anything. but i remember some stuff. and i feel horrible for saying it. but when friend 1 and i talked about she was like. kinda being mean. which i completely understand. but she wasn’t letting me get my point across. she wasn’t hearing what i had to say. and she wasn’t validating any of my feelings that i clearly have been having for a long time (i never act like that when i’m drunk) and maybe i sound really bad here because i obviously did make a huge mistake that like still keeps me up at night even now (it’s literally 2 am). and i say there and i listened to what she said and i validated every fucking feeling she had just like i always do. but she didn’t care to listen to how i felt that night.
there’s so many instances that has happened to this one friend where she just talks and makes up excuses and demands that you validate how she feels without doing the same back. (because she’s not an angel either) there was a time where we were a group of 4 before we had a falling out with friend 3. and friend 1sts a whole group chat named “besties without lucie(me)” when all 4 of us had a gc called “besties”. and i didn’t know for months until friend 2 called me and told me everything. how they made plans without me had the gc without me. and anytime friend 2 would bring up my name friend 1 would make excuses as to why i “couldn’t come along”. i couldn’t be in their secret gc because i was “too sensitive” and her reasoning for not coming to outings was usually because i “said i was busy” (i was never asked if i wanted to hangout. i found out through snap and life 360 that they were out without me). she even used my aunts passing as an excuse as to why i couldn’t go. even tho when her grandma passed she came over to my house unannounced and me and my mom had to take care of her for days because she was so depressed.
i cried myself to sleep during those times. and because it was around christmas my mom let and my brother open gifts early in order to cheer me up and she would go out and hang out without me. and now i have such bad trust issues with not only that friend group but everyone around me. i hate being left out. i’ve always been left out like my whole life.
idk i just. i want nice people around me. i want people who validate me and my feelings and i want to be included for once in my life.
#just ranting#can you tell my therapist hasn’t talked to me in months ???#i just needs to let my feelings out somewhere#ignore this if you want#tell me if i’m wrong about something#educate me ??#ranting
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as a fat person, seeing the fetishy way other anon talks about fat ppl is really uncomfortable. like dang, there's more to us fat ppl than our fat rolls and overweight :/
Friend, not everyone saying they're attracted to fat people + qualities commonly found in fat people is being fetishistic.
Often times this is said by fat people who love other fat people and are appreciating traits they have themselves btw
Like tummies are extremely hot. MY fat tummy is extremely hot. Sometimes it's that simple tbh
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I'm so happy, and things are going well, but at the same time, my ED has relapsed so badly, and like I'm actually eating absolutely nothing this time, and tbh I feel great ngl.
The only problem is my mom fucking knows I'm not eating because apparently 'I've lost so much weight'
Bitch I weigh myself obsessively I've lost NOTHING.
She just has this thing where she likes me being overweight like her, because it makes her feel better about weighing almost 300lbs. I feel bad for her, but just because she can't put in enough effort to lose weight, doesn't mean she should Continue force feeding me food until I weigh as much as her, or I'm going to stop eating altogether.
My BMI is literally obese it's not like I'm going to starve to death any time soon. And what makes it worse is when she's constantly pointing out my body and what I'm eating IN FRONT OF PEOPLE AND IN PUBLIC.
Like girl if you don't want me to become hyper aware of how I look, maybe don't point out how I'm 'losing so much weight' (I've lost 2lbs over my entire ED because i kept on binging and regaining it, fuck Mia 😭) and how my body looks in front of my friends, family and the general public, or talk about how I'm 'not eating enough' and then when I DO eat, complain about how that's too much and I need to save some for other people.
Like??? Giving me mixed signals here.
My mom deadass thinks if you eat less than three meals a day its 'starving yourself'. I ate a wholeass family sized bag of chips in front of her and she told me to stop starving myself, WHILE I WAS EATING. This woman is only happy when I'm binging, (she doesn't know I purge luckily) because it makes her feel better about binging herself.
I just don't know. Feels kinda shitty, im ngl. Her constantly mentioning my body and what I'm eating is honestly pretty triggering, and I forgot how having an empty stomach feels. It feels kinda good, ngl. Being empty. Knowing I'm losing weight.
I just wish she'd leave me alone.
#ed but not sheeran#4norexi4#tw ana diary#ana trigger#ed bllog#st4rv1ng#4norex1a#ed vent#⭐️ving#⭐️ve#only pro for myself
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Hi Allison! I hope you're doing great and also congratulations on your milestone you deserve a lot more than that! :D💕
Ahem- so- heads up- this is really long-
I'm 18 yo, an ISTP Pisces, 163 cm tall and a straight female. Also I'm a teennnnny tiiiiny bit overweight but I've been on a diet for a couple of month and made great progress so good for me! 🚶🏻♀️
Ahem ahem… I have big boobs, my skin is so pale that People sometimes mistake me for a vampire or a corpse and I love it ngl. I have dark brown hair that Ive recently cut for the very first time in my life, and it reaches to the middle of my back and I also have light brown eyes that turns golden under the rays of sun (Yeah baby :D)
I'm veeeeery veeeeery understanding and never judgmental, which is why people consider me a very trustworthy person and share their secrets with me without any worries. On the outside I look like a calm, loving, quiet girl who's really naïve and innocent, never dropping the smile off her face and I'm also very respectful toward elders which is why they like me a lot; but once I get out of my shell I'm just a loud, crazy girl who wants to jump up and down and scream for literally no reason. Btw me getting out of my shell wouldn't depend on time, it depends on what kind of person I'm interacting with.
So I'm really into watching romantic movies and crying when they separate or something, and I'm a huge sucker for romantic gestures but only when they happen for other people or in movies. If someone makes a dumb romantic gesture/comment on me? I'm like bitch are you fr? Get 1523946235078 feet away from me🚶🏻♀️
I'm also very emotional but because I'm always quiet around others they think of me as a cold hearted creature, little did they know I have a heart almost as big as an elephants. So yeah people think I'm cold but omg…if I grow to like somebody… I'm always all over them, kissing, licking, biting(Have a huge thing for that btw), literally anything out of affection while hugging the shit out of them. My love language is physical touch and acts of service AND words of affirmation. I would praise them about anything but I have a hard time telling them the ily sentence idk why🤧🚶🏻♀️
btw I'm not that loud around people I'm comfortable with either; But I'm definitely very affectionate. And I'm not a clingy person, I'm actually very independent when it comes to, well, everything; but if the fountain of my feelings suddenly floats out of nowhere I have no choice but to jump on my s/o and shower him with smooches <3 So yeah I like giving affection but they have to make up for it in bed cause I'm a bottom in there and you didn't hear this from me btw (it would be lovely if you could include some NSFW hcs too, if you're able too :>)
SOOOOO some info for the nsfw… I HATE SPITTING. It turns me off when they wanna spit in my mouth.. Like, ewe.if they wanna spit on other places… PLEASE! Help yourself🚶🏻♀️ I like to be manhandles and I might tolerate degrading but NOT TOO MUCH. If they think they can have me begging over something theyre SOOO WRONG. YOU GOTTA TREAT ME NICELY IF YOU WANT THIS PUSSY BITCH- (Lmao I apologize for being shameless but I can't help it)
Brat taming… I might be into to it IF they don't spank me hard😭😭😭 I don't like choking or any kind of hitting tbh but light spanking is ok. emphasis on LIGHT. I like it rough btw. Gotta be fast af. Ok now imma shut up now gb🚶🏻♀️🚶🏻♀️
I love watching movies and the genre never matters as long as it includes comedy too; love reading/writing smut, fluff, romance and humor; sometimes I sing when I'm alone but my voice is not exactly girlish so I'll never do it in front of anyone. I love shopping, but I don't like it when my s/o pays for my stuff I'm like bruh are you trying to buy me or smthn even though he means well. I mean I would even return him the amount of saliva we exchanged while making out if we break up lmao. I would be ok if a friend gets me stuff though, and I would love to do the same to them. I love wearing shiny accessories and love painting my nails especially in red.
I would without a doubt cheat on my s/o with ice-cream especially if its chocolate flavored cuz it has been my good old friend from the moment I was born😭😭😭😭.I'm just joking btw. I hate cheating so if I get tired of the relationship I'll straightforwardly ask for a break up which is really unexpected to them cuz you know… I don't show how uncomfortable I am. And I have trouble getting attached to people emotionally so I'm really hoping for someone to show up whom I can love and share everything with, without needing to pretend it. I love chocolate btw, which is why my parents don't buy it often because its all gone the second they look away from it lol. Veryyyyy insecure about my looks. Like you have no idea how much of a pro I am when it comes to destroying myself- If someone praises me on my looks I'm like bruh are you making fun of me get lost before I shove this (points at her pencil*) into you ass🚶🏻♀️
I also love cooking and am an early bird, so I would wake up at 6am to make my s/o breakfast and then wake him up with kisses and cuddles. My idea of the perfect date it staying in bed and never getting out of it unless it's an emergency. Just me and him cuddling & making out & whatever... I like being both the little spoon and big spoon cuz I wanna make him feel loved too <3 BTW I'm definitely gonna race them on who can give the tightest hug. PILLOW FIGHT. PILLOW TALK. ANYTHING RELATED TO BED TBH (Which is funny cause I sleep for 6 hours at max due to my college entrance exam🚶🏻♀️) yeah so big fan of cuddling and caressing their hair or massaging them T^T AND PLANTING KISSES ON... well... EVERYWHERE
Lets see…what else… oh! I'm really into swimming and working out. I'm not a ambitious person, but I'm a rebellious one ig, no one gets to order me around cause I'm so stubborn despite how I look like.
I looooove flirting. I'm not really good at flirting with words, so I would use my charm and action to flirt back at him, and would also drop a few hints or might even straightforwardly go sit on his lap and be like "Ok babe, you asked for it; show me whachu got now😏"
so… I can go a little bit more; but I don't want you to freak out so let's stop right here :) again, congrats on your milestone and also, no pressure! Mwah! ^0^ 💕🚶🏻♀️
꧁♥ ᴍᴀᴛᴄʜᴍᴀᴋɪɴɢ ɪɴ ᴘʀᴏɢʀᴇss… ♥꧂
i match you with...atsushi nakajima!
HII ASH omg, i loved reading this LOLL and the only person i could think of the entire time was atsushi cuz hello??? well i'll explain more down below but YEA a match made in heaven lowkey
Relationship
FIRST OF ALL you definitely had to approach him first. i mean, we've all seen how dense this mf is when people like him
but he was always initially drawn to you - specifically your easy going + caring nature
y'all have the same love languages!! lots n lots of compliments and words of affirmations bc you both deserve to be appreciated <3
yes- ur both awkward at actually accepting the compliments but nonetheless they mean a lot to you
the two of you mesh well together because, while he's quieter and a bit shy, you're not afraid to be more outgoing and speak ur mind
^basically you'd be the "he asked for NO pickles" while atsushi hides behind you >:0
you guys go on the CUTEST dates: walks thru the yokohama harbor, visiting ice cream shops, watching movies etc <3
YOU COOK FOR HIM SM, which he appreciates cuz i have the slightest suspicion that atsushi is not the best cook...
randomly kiss or bite him out of nowhere to see how flustered he gets?? you love to tease him a lot to your entertainment
luckily for you, atsushi shows his luv thru manyyy romantic gestures which then in turn gets you flustered
^buys you things that reminded him of you, brings you flowers, lots n lots of compliments about how he admires you n how pretty u are!!
all i can say it, it's literally one of the healthiest relationships imaginable
NSFW
i need to write more nsfw for him...but anyway
man idek who would be the dom or the sub here LOLL
^i believe roles wouldn't really be too prominent in the relationship tho. atsushi is indifferent towards it and can dom or sub accordingly to what u want!!
fortunately for you he is very nicee <33 literally doesn't have the heart to tease you
not the most well versed in kinks obviously but is always down to experimentation,,,he just wants to do whatever YOU want him to
bro can go SO FAST tho i swear. it's the being half tiger or whatever-
CONSENT KING?? y'all have an established safe word (would it even be used?? prolly not) & always triple-checks that you are comfortable with something new
lots n lots of kisses!!
not to mention both of you practice good aftercare and making sure the other is ok both mentally and physically afterwards <33
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Went to the doctor today, I weight more than what I would like. I’m not obese or overweight and I’m not under weight I’m probably a healthy? weight for my age and height maybe but like I’ve always been able to keep my weight between 158lbs and 162lbs for years and years like never less than 158lbs and never more than 162lbs and even if there were times I was eating a lot or eating like lots of sugars and stuff I’ve been able to stay in that weight range but this past two weeks I’m pretty sure I’ve gained like 5lbs. Last year I didn’t gain weight during my pto and I had like sweets and junk food and a lot of starches and stuff. Tbh I always thought I would stay within that weight range and I thought it was kinda cool?? but I’m disappointed in myself. Like ok I haven’t been active like cause I’m home and I have been eating a lot more I guess, like a lot of bread and soda, more than usual but I’ve never been this weight. To me personally I’m fatter now than what I was, after seeing my weight I feel fatter. And I know that being under 200lbs isn’t even fat like or obese or whatever but I’m def not happy about gaining. And I know it’s not a lot of weight like you can’t see it visually but idk.
And I know like, obviously I’m not like within the fat weight range and like I’m still like a healthy weight and stuff but like for me specifically it feels fat. Even when I was like with the weight range it felt like that but I figured as long as I don’t go over I can be okay ya’know. I know like a healtly diet and exercise is like needed if someone wants to lose weight or whatever and obviously it makes sense that I gained cause I have been sleeping and eating my entire break. I hope I can lose the weight once I start working again and being more active.
Also like I know people are bigger than me or smaller than me like, but I don’t want anyone coming here and trying to tell me that I’m “not fat” or that I “can’t feel fat cause fat isn’t a feeling” okay it is my body and my feelings so if I am a weight that I normally wouldn’t be and if that to me is fat than don’t tell me that it’s not. Anyway will delete later but just wanted to let off some steam and rant a bit. I was down cause I kept thinking about the weight gain during my appointment and I didn’t eat as much dinner as I normally do. I should be okay later on and definitely hoping to lose that weight and maybe get on the light end of that weight range.
Also also like ion want people on here who feel bad about their weight or people with ED to think that they need to lose or gain weight to be my size I’m not promoting anything for anyone but me cause I’m not happy with my size. I’m not posting this cause others need to be this weight right? I don’t want someone to see this and think they’re the wrong weight just cause I’m throwing numbers up and I definitely don’t want people to think my current weight is like obese and want to be less than, like my weight is fine and healthy it’s just too much for my liking rn. I am speaking for myself when I say this and nobody else.
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