#or if one of the anons misses it maybe this way it's easier to find it i guess
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Don't mind me, I'm going to make a "masterlist" with the kissing prompts so I don't miss anything (I'll update with the links as I post them)
*REQUEST ARE CLOSED FOR NOW*
Send me a Ship and a Number and I will Write a Kiss
Jance:
9 (in public) & 42 (out of pride) → ao3 | ao3
21 (on a place of insecurity) → ao3
13 (discreetly) → ao3
16 (lazily) & 47 (out of spite) → ao3 | ao3
18 (as encouragement) → ao3
50 (out of love) → ao3
17 (to distract) → ao3
1 (good morning) & 2 (goodnight)
Afternoon kiss
20 (on a scar)
45 (out of anger) & 38 (because they’re running out of time)
10 (desperately)
Bojure:
22 (in a rush of adrenaline) → ao3
1 (good morning) → ao3
8 (in secrecy) → ao3
6 (on a falling tear) + 21 (on a place of insecurity)
15 (passionately) + 44 (out of lust)
Bokris:
7 (to shut them up) → ao3
45 (out of anger) → ao3
10 (desperately)
38 (because they’re running out of time)
26 (as an apology)
Bonace:
4 (where it hurts) → ao3
19 (for luck) & 30 (as comfort) → ao3 | ao3
30 (as comfort)
Bojere:
7 (to shut them up) → ao3
Poly!JO:
48 (out of habit) → ao3
9 (in public)
Bo(Jan)²:
15 (passionately) + 46 (out of envy or jealousy) → ao3
15 (passionately) + 16 (lazily)
45 (out of anger)
25 (as a ‘yes’)
Bojan/Jan/Kris:
8 (in secrecy) + 44 (out of lust)
Jan/Jure:
21 (on a place of insecurity)
44 (out of lust)
Kris/Martin:
23 (…in relief)/...out of fear
NaceKris:
36 (to give up control)
Jure/Mark:
48 (out of habit)
22 (in a rush if adrenaline) & 14 (casually)
Bojan/Kiki:
18 (as encouragement)
Jure/Martin:
22 (in a rush of adrenaline)
Nace/Martin:
25 (as a ‘yes’)
Bojance:
37 (without a motive)
Bojan/Martin:
38 (because they’re running out of time)
#also that way if anyone wants to send another one they'll know which ones are already requested#or if one of the anons misses it maybe this way it's easier to find it i guess#anyways. thank you for sending these <3#i'll get to the rest of them as quickly as i can :3#mine#maca writes#kiss prompts#joker out
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Conversations While Braiding
From this request 💖
Pairing: Lewis Hamilton x Black Fem!Reader
Summary: In which we get a look into what's discussed by Lewis and the Reader while she braids his hair
Word Count: ~1.6k words
Warning: Truly nothing bad, it gets a little angsty (?) but it's brief, mentions of food related topics, some cursing, Lewis and the Reader watching Love Island
A/N: This shouldn't have taken as long as it did 🫥...but it's done! 🥳 I would love to write more for Lewis (I think I have an idea somewhere), but it is also highly intimidating because writers on here that write for Lewis and on a completely different level. Still, I'm glad I was able to finish this up finally! That you to the anon who requested! Hope you all like it. Love you all!💖💛💖💛
Masterlist
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"He just fully lied to her face." Lewis practically gasps at the TV, his head leaning against your inner thigh (it made it easier for him to hold the angle that you had his head at), and arm hooked around your thigh, hand running along the outside. His hand has been in that spot since you guys first sat down to start his hair hours ago, not including the moments he got up to get you both something to drink and bring the DoorDash inside.
"That's Love Island for you. It's frustrating and addicting. Tilt your head forward a bit for me, baby." You lightly press his head and he completes the action, checking to make sure he moved enough for you then placing his attention back on the screen.
"And this Casa Amor thing, why the fuck would they do that?" You finish the braid you were on then reach to your side to take another small piece of braiding hair from the rack to your left.
"To 'Shake things up in the Villa'. It's stupid, but I have to admit it makes things interesting and it does give people who aren't already coupled up a chance to find somebody." You gel the root of another sectioned off square of hair and begin braiding. The act was second nature to you, but Lewis couldn't get enough of the feeling of your hands in his hair.
"That makes sense." He whispered the realization basically to himself then flips his head up so he could look at your face, interrupting your braiding. "And you were way too good at that impression, love. I think you've been watching this too much." He giggles wildly as you push his head back down again, finishing the braid and completely unable to stifle the grin straining against your lips.
"No one asked you, Hamilton." You begin to giggle too, the harmonic noise tapering off and ending with a light kiss to your inner thigh, just above your knee. He has done this same gesture multiple times throughout the night, the first time as a thank you for taking the time to do his hair and the times after that it was as though he felt the previous kiss disappearing and had to replenish it.
Silence surrounded you two as the episode continued, disapproving grunts and scoffs coming from you and your boyfriend as you complete another group of braids. Lewis' hand continued caressing your thigh, not even stopping when he reached with his other hand for the water that sat next to him.
"Mmm, before we go to the next episode, let's get tomorrow's schedule situated." You finish another braid and take a look at how much of his head you had left. Not much, maybe 12 or so braids.
"Oh, yes. Um, I think we have the morning situated, getting to the track by 9 for briefing and everything." He grabbed the remote to pause the show and then adjusted his arms so each arm draped across the top of their respective legs, hands still moving back and forth to caress your thighs.
"I'm actually gonna head to the track a little later. I need to finish my hair. So I'll probably be there around lunch time, noon or so." As if almost on cue, you felt a section of curls that seemed to have been missed when you initially gathered your hair this morning fall onto your shoulder.
"Oh, what style are you gonna do?" Lewis made sure that he didn't feel your hands in his hair before turning around to look at you, you were reaching to the side to grab more braiding hair, so you didn't see his eyes scanning your face before landing on your hair, waiting to imagine whatever amazing style you're planning to do
"I think I've landed on doing just a few stich braids, like 4 or 6, and feed them into two ponytails. And I got a pack of lavender hair so, I'm just gonna have a few streaks of purple for you, my dear. In celebration of your home race." You lean forward and kiss his forehead, just above his eyebrows, before having to strain a bit to give a short kiss to his lips.
"Wait, you said you think. So you might do something different last minute?" You had tipped his head back down and turned it forward with you hand as you prepare to do another braid.
"I'll just say, if you don't see me by, like, 2pm tomorrow, I'm probably on the bathroom floor crying because nothing is coming out right." The amount of nonchalantness in your voice, and the fact that the described situation has happened before, mildly concerned Lewis.
"I'll keep my ringer on, then." He picked up his phone to see a text from Susie. "Oh, yeah. So, um..." You could feel him fidgeting, looking down to see him spinning the lilac covered phone in his hand.
"You're nervous, all of a sudden. What?" Your fingers, quickly and skillfully, finish the braid you were on and then reach over to grab another bunch of braiding hair.
"Well, um, if your up to it, and if you don't end up crying on the bathroom floor, uh, Susie is inviting us to dinner once everything is done tomorrow..." He had stopped fidgeting with his phone, but he still stared at the text on his phone, you now realizing that it was more than likely from Susie.
"You know she's gonna ask me to join her with F1 Academy next year. She tried at the beginning of the year, but I was still trying desperately to avoid burning out." This moment was a testament to how automatic an action braiding was for you, because as you talked and thought and worried, your hands continued to pristinely gel off another square of hair to begin braiding, as if your hands were wired to a different, less occupied, brain.
"I mean, you were/are the greatest thing to happen to Mercedes. Probably the best Head Strategist we have ever had, along with improving every department you dipped your toe in. I can see why she wants you." He applied two kisses to your leg this time, realizing it's been too long since the previous kiss so a new kiss had to replace it with the second one being supplemental. "I still don't know why you're dodging her on this. You love the idea."
"I do. I love it to death. Which is why I want to stay away from it. Because I'll be lucky enough to be the one to come in and accidentally ruin everything." Your hands start to shake ever so slightly along with your voice and you take a deep breath as you try and calm yourself. When that ultimately doesn't work, you cease braiding and drape your arms over Lewis' shoulders, gently placing your chin on top of his head as to not agitate the fresh braids.
"You know I would never discount what you're feeling, but that is bullshit." Lewis keeps his head still while your chin perched on top, staring at the faint reflection in the TV screen overlaying the paused show.
"Uh, okay. Why, my love, is it bullshit?" You playfully wrap your arms a little tighter around his neck, pretending to choke him out over the blunt response, then releasing just as quick, draping your arms over his shoulders again.
"First of all, kudos to you for protecting your energy initially. I remember when you decided to take a break, you could physically see that your light had gone completely out. But you are so much better now, at least from what I can tell. And you would be starting everything next season. And there's an entire team behind F1 Academy, so for you to be the soul person to ruin it would be basically impossible."
You were silent for a moment, head still rested on top of his, and then, still silent, you lifted your head and reach over for more braiding hair. The silence was unnerving to Lewis, as he glanced between his phone and what he could see of your reflection. You had gotten half way down the braid when you finally spoke again. "Fine, let her know we'll be there." Lewis allows you to finish the braid you were on, typing out the acceptance of Susie's dinner invitation, then once he feels you complete the braid he reaches back and gently pulls you forward by your wrist, kissing you once you were in his sightline.
"I'm proud of you, you know that?" He gave you a genial smile, calming your nerves and actually working to boost your confidence in the situation.
"Laying it on thick, huh, Hamilton?" Lewis just giggles and gives you another long kiss. "You suck a little bit, but I still love you."
"Love you too." He lets you go so you could go back to finishing the few braids left on his hair, complying when you manually twist his head to where you need it.
"Alright, alright. Play the show." You lean over again to grab another bunch of hair while Lewis presses play on the remote, and it's not long until its nearly 11:00pm, Lewis' hair was done, and you both were getting ready for bed.
The next day went perfectly. Media day went off without a hitch. You made it to the track on time, and didn't end up crying on the bathroom floor. And by the end of dinner, you and Susie had verbally agreed to being co-Managing Directors for F1 Academy.
#formula 1#black reader#f1 imagines#formula 1 x black!reader#f1 x black!reader#request#lewis hamilton x reader#lewis hamilton fanfic#lewis hamilton#lewis hamilton fic#lewis hamilton x black reader#lewis Hamilton x black!reader
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ʚ 𝗦𝗘𝗫𝗧𝗜𝗡𝗚/𝗧𝗘𝗔𝗦𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗠 𝗢𝗩𝗘𝗥 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗣𝗛𝗢𝗡𝗘 ɞ
featuring: levi ackerman, erwin smith, armin arlert & eren yeager
content warning: smut ahead, mdni!!!
hi it's malia: the levi phase continues, let me just tell you that important information. send in requests, or come and be my anon, i'm in need of anime friends, really.
ʚ levi ackerman ɞ
levi's a private person when it comes to loving you. he isn't into pda that much, which makes it much easier to tease him. you received one slightly sexual picture of him. it was the first and the last as he did not like to send such private pictures of himself. after all, he cares about his position. but it was different from you. while he was away on a mission, or on the training grounds without you, you used the chance to send him the slightest bits of your body. just a couple sneakpeaks like the valley between your breasts which looked amazing without a bra, or the lace hem of your underwear peaking out from your pants. maybe even a slight sexual position. and hell, it would get him riled up so easily to see those things. give him a couple of minutes to find an isolated room. or maybe wait till he’s back in his office again and you will receive a call. ragged breaths of your boyfriend, “demanding my attention, you fucking minx? now help me solve what you caused,”. his words and demands, even the quiet groans are enough to initiate a video call and turn into a full session over the phone.
ʚ erwin smith ɞ
erwin is such a confident man, in public, in his position, and in his relationship with you. he has no problem when it comes to sending you sexual messages. or even send you a picture of the bulge in his pants in the middle of a meeting while hange explained another idea she had to inspect titans further. after all, his legs were underneath the table, nobody was able to see what he was doing. so you occasionally received a small video, with hange’s voice in the background as he massaged the thick tent in his pants with his fleshy fingers. it was addictive to witness how risky erwin would create those videos only to show you how much he needed you. as soon as the meetings were over and he could sit in the comfortable armchair at his desk again, the commander would call you. a wide smirk prominent on his mouth as he spoke to you. “hope you didn’t touch yourself yet, i have a couple of minutes and still a hard-on,” oh those few minutes were turning into half an hour and he would end up all flustered while talking to the government.
ʚ armin arlert ɞ
he's humbled so easily, and literally never starts sending naughty messages or pictures by himself. if you decide to spice up the conversation a little, armin would not deny it and easily write as sexual as you do. and as soon as you would send him those sweet pictures in those position, you always do when he visits, armin’s all in for having it all. after all, he couldn’t decline you anything anyways. still, he wouldn’t be the one to call you, throwing little hints that he wanted to see what you’re doing or missing your face. those little sweet messages were cover ups for the dirty mind, and the parts he really wanted to see if your body. little hints that he waited for you to call, and you did. most likely because his messages started to take way too long and when he accepted the call, you realized why. armin struggled with the bulge in his pants, almost embarrassed about how easily you made him hard and horny. especially extremely needy of feeling you. “please, please, i need you so bad,”
ʚ eren yeager ɞ
with eren it's completely different. he's confident with his body, and the love you have for each other. most of the time, it's him who sends the first naughty message or a picture of the tent in his pants. most likely with the words 'thought of you' while trying to lure out a couple of seductive pictures of your body for him. something, he could use later on. it's like eren always finds an excuse to send you a photo to receive praise for his body. when a conversation is getting out of hand, and the messages were only sexual, eren would find a quiet place to send you more pictures until yours were getting too much for him. he’s the one to call you, licking his lips while chuckling. “got you worked up huh? show me what you’re doing to yourself, princess. i might send you a nice video,”. his deep and raspy voice while commanding made it difficult for you to resist anymore. the desire rose to an unbearable heat, and you needed release. so you gave him a little show of what his words and pictures were exactly doing to you. and obviously, eden would join in without a question.
#attack on titan levi#attack on titan smut#attack on titan#aot smut#aot imagine#aot x reader#attack on titan x reader#aot levi#aot eren#aot erwin#aot armin#armin arlert#armin arlert x reader#armin arlert smut#armin x reader#armin aot#armin smut#erwin smith#commander erwin#levi ackerman smut#levi smut#levi ackerman x reader#levi ackerman x you#levi ackerman#levi aot#eren yeager#eren jaeger#eren yeager smut#erwin smith smut#levi attack on titan
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how about a five where Javi rejects the reader, so the reader like gets really sad, but one day Javi hears she is going on a date (is not true, Murphy made it up) and he rushed to her apartment and confesses and reader is like ?? What are you talking about, super angsty but super fluffy? Pleaseeee
Out of time | javier peña x f! reader��
summary: javi rejects reader. repents like the idiot he is. (i love him) he is a FOOL in love. fight me.
wordcount: 2.1k
warnings: rejection, angst and fluff, hurt and comfort basically, happy ending.
A/N: i got you, anon. this promt is the perfect apology for the last one. repentance fr. love u ALL. let me know what you think. also nothing against “hippies” just giving murphy pov. i do however as an indian have a bone to pick with fake white yoga gurus. it’s gotta be appropriation.
masterlist
Javi had never been heartless before. Never been cruel before. Now, as you pointedly hunched over your desk in an effort to ignore the chortles and cheap jokes that kept sounding from the men crowded around his desk as they all stood around a nameless note someone -you- had slipped onto his desk.
He laughed boisterously with them, before crumpling the paper in his fist and dropping it into the bin next to his chair. You refused to so much as raise your head and look his way, feeling the crushing wave of heartbreak sweeping through you. It wasn’t until you felt a tear on your cheek that you realised that you had started crying, and so you muttered an excuse about getting some coffee before rushing to the bathroom and sobbing in a closed stall. So much for Valentine’s day.
It wasn’t until the end of the day, when you saw him walking your way in the parking lot, that you met his eyes. And you could see, with the set of his jaw; the arch of his brows, that he knew. Before you could scramble into your car, he was yelling after you.
“Is your new hobby being extended to everyone or did I win the lucky draw? Cute note.”
Oh, that bastard.
You scoffed, looking him straight in the eye. “Call it a moment of weakness, Peña. Thought I felt something for you, and it was Valentine’s day. Pretty sure all I feel now is rage, you asshole.”
A laugh from him. “Don’t be like that, hermosa. Let me know if you feel something between your legs for me, alright?”
Scowling, you turned from him and got into your car. You could have sworn he looked like a kicked puppy as you pulled out of the parking. These past few weeks, you had caught him looking at you more often. Finding excuses to touch you more often, too. A hand on your back, fingers accidentally grazing yours, his knee pressed against your thigh in Murphy’s backseat. Fucking idiot. You didn’t even know if you were madder at him or yourself. You know him. All of fucking Bogota knows him. God knows how you were foolish enough to think he felt anything except for between his legs.
A few months go by, excruciatingly slowly. It’s as if time itself has decided to fuck with you. You miss his gaze on you, his hands, his smile, him. You’ve been avoiding him like the plague. Stopped looking at him even when he was in the same room, hardly spoke to him even if it was in the middle of a raid, declined Connie’s many many invitations to parties you knew he’d be at. It was just easier to pretend that February the 14th had been a completely normal day. You’re just tired of all of it. It would have been easier not to have said anything at all.
What you were completely unaware of, however, was that you had a sneaky little shit for a partner. The fact that he had clocked what was going on immediately was completely unbeknownst to you. Both of you pining silently with what Steve dubbed “moony heart eyes”, the radio silence, and the fact that you had stopped talking to Connie just so you didn’t have to show up to her parties? Something had gone wrong. Initially, Steve thought that maybe Javi had made an unwanted move on you - and had damn near scuffed him to death - until he saw Javi’s eyes the next day. Haunted. It seemed that you had managed to take more out of the man than Escobar had. But you weren’t faring much better, either. Irritated and tired and grumbly all the time, refusing to so much as look in Javi’s direction. But you both were pretty much just staying out of each other’s ways, not causing any trouble, so he let it go. For now.
But then Steve and Javi had to chase a lead down together, and Javi introduced him to an informant who - with a little imagination - looked like your spitting image. The same hair, terrifying similar voice, and a lopsided grin, just like yours. And it clicked. The day that had started it all, and the “anonymous” note Javi had gotten. The idiocy with which you both had handled the situation made him want to run unarmed into a sicario’s den, but he came up with another idea instead.
Just before a weekend he knew on good authority that you had no plans except for lounging in bed, he started nudging and hinting to Javi the randomest shit about you. Just to reignite the interest. Almost like, you know - bait.
“Man, her hair looks good. I wonder if she got it done?”
“Hey Peña, d’ya reckon that’s a new skirt? Connie’d kill me if I didn’t ask where from”
“Javi - look - she got her nails done. Before an op? Doesn’t that get a bit…impractical? Hey, I’m jus’ asking.”
Each time, Steve was met with an irritated eyeroll, scoff, or just flat-out ignored. But around midnight on Friday, he ‘bust out the big guns’, so to speak, making an offhanded comment while jutting his chin out in the direction of your chair.
“Good thing she left early. Never woulda made it to the date tomorrow mornin’ otherwise.”
Which, instead of being met with the usual options, was met with Javi’s brain almost short circuiting. The sight of his friend, gaping like a fish as his eyes practically bulged out of his head while he stammered out the easiest one-syllable word in the English language is one Steve can never forget. Or let Javi forget, either.
“W-wha-what?”
And so, like the most devious matchmaker on the planet, Steve proceeded to make up some utter bullshit about a boy he’d supposedly seen you around with, one that had apparently asked you out tonight to meet him for ‘brunch’ tomorrow. Just to fuck with Javi, he made the guy from LA, and a tourist. And white. And the kinda hippie who did yoga and spoke about his newly-discovered chakras all the time.
Javier could feel the blind panic clawing at his chest, his heart threatening to burst. He didn’t know exactly why, but he had hated every single second you hadn’t spoken to him. Laughed at his jokes. Flashed him your smile, even the sarcastic one. He missed your quips and the way you groaned and swore at him when he pissed you off. He’d convinced himself he could live with that. But this? A date with some idiot he knew wouldn’t treat you right? He couldn’t understand his own feelings compelling him to pack up in a frenzy, ignore Steve’s pointed laugh, scramble into his car and drive straight to your apartment. He didn’t even stop to smooth his hair back, or fix the wrinkles in his shirt from slumping in it all day. No, all that mattered to him in that moment was you. Who was he kidding? He knew exactly why he felt the way he did. He’d just been under the illusion that ignoring it would make it go away, but it hadn’t. He had to fix this now.
Standing on your doorstep, Javi blinked for a second while marveling at how fast that drive had been - he’d barely registered doing anything since he heard the word date come out of Steve’s mouth. Hesitation clamped a hand over his mouth, his body, and he stood frozen, unsure of whether to knock or just turn around. But if not now, never, right? And who knew how long he would live? Wasn’t this a time he should be getting what he wants, spending time with the people he…loves?
Before he could overthink himself out of doing it, Javi raised his fist and rapped it against your door, twice. And when you opened the door, rubbing your eyes and standing there in your sleep shorts and an oversized shirt, it took a second for his brain to catch up. It wasn’t until you were squinting at him, then stumbling over nothing as your eyes widened that he realised where he was. The hurt on your face in the split second before you moved to close the door had him jamming his foot in the doorframe.
“Just hear me out, hermosa. I promise if you want me to fuck off after that, I will.”
After waiting for you to nod and open your door wordlessly, he stalked after you, further into your apartment, stunned by how homely it was. The walls had pictures of you and other people laughing, of art and paintings and sketches that seemed to all have been done by the same person; the sofa was a rich brown leather and the fluffy throw on it just a shade lighter. Everything was carefully coordinated, in color and texture, and he couldn’t help but note the contrast. Some of his stuff was still in boxes. He’d been in Colombia for longer than you, and his stuff was still in boxes. The difference was laughable.
But when he heard a sniffle from ahead, he found himself walking faster - practically walking into you - before he was planting his hands on your shoulders to turn you around to him, and then gripping the sides of your arms as if they were his salvation. His eyes searched yours, and the heartbreak he found as you tried to look away threatened to make his knees buckle. So he hooked an index finger under your chin to tilt your head up to him, resting his forehead against yours. Moving his thumb to smooth out the furrow in your brow, he huffed at the stubborn frown that refused to budge.
“I am sorry. I truly am. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know how to react. I want you, and I did then, too. But I just…didn’t think it was real. I swear I thought you were joking at first. It’s why I let the guys see. Then I saw you in the parking lot, and you were actually sad, and I just panicked. I just don’t think I was ready back then. But I swear to God, I can’t bear another six months of the cold shoulder. I love you, you know. I’ve just been too much of an idiot to realise it.”
For a whole minute, you just stare at him unblinkingly. Then, suddenly, your face crumples, limbs slackening in his grip. He holds you through it, letting you sob into his chest as he coos reassurances and apologies to you until you pull back from his embrace to look at him questioningly once more.
“Why now?” Your words make Javi smile, and he cocks a brow at you.
“You really thought I’d let that idiot take you out before I told you how I feel?”
You look even more confused now, which is confusing him in turn.
“Wait, what idiot?” There’s no twinkle in your eye - no smirk tugging at your lips. Not a joke.
“The one who…asked you out?” Javi cocks his head at you, watching your frown deepen.
“Who?” The absolute befuddlement on your face is on the verge of making him snigger, and he feels his lips twitching already.
“The-does Murphy know? That you weren’t busy tonight?” His overworked mind supplies the answer to him, and he has never more in his life wanted to punch and hug his other partner simultaneously.
“Oh, yeah. He asked cause Connie wanted to know if she could come over? I guess she must have gotten caught- oh. Oh.” Javi gives you a moment to reach the same conclusion he did, and both of you end up bursting out in laughter at the same time.
But Steve was the one with the biggest grin when, come Monday morning, a bottle of premium whiskey and a brand new watch sat on his desk with a little note:
Well played, motherfucker.
What is it they say about couples adopting each other’s habits when they get into a relationship? Javi’d picked up your so-called hobbies within a weekend.
You ended up spending enough time with each other to pick up everything else, too. Call it cliché, but atleast you weren’t boring. Or, you know, going on dates with imaginary guys that existed only in Steve’s extremely limited imagination. Win-win.
hello loves, as always - thank you for reading. comment your thoughts or find me on ao3. stay hydrated and have a great day! taglist: @imherefordeanandbones @theywhowriteandknowthings, @josephquinnswhore,@millerscoffee, @ nostalxgic, @sscorpiiiio, @pedrosaidsheispunk
dividers by @reveriesources
#kali rambles#kali writes#javier peña narcos#narcos fanfiction#narcos imagine#narcos#javier pena narcos#javier peña#javier peña x reader#javier peña x you#javier pena fluff#javier pena fanfiction#javi peña x reader#javier pena fic#javier pena imagines#javier pena x reader#javier pena x you#javier peña imagine#javier peña x fem!reader#javier peña smut#joel miller x f!reader#javier peña fluff#javier peña x female reader#javi peña x you#javier peña angst#steve murphy#kali is BACK baby
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i think he knows / ruben dias
summary: ruben knows exactly what you're thinking -because he's thinking about it too, has been thinking about it for so long. but he wants you to do something about it. until you do.
warnings: bold and italic text = song lyrics (i think he knows, by taylor swift). again, badly traslated portuguese (sorry, ruben anon, didn't want to bother you 😭). mentions of alcohol and the consumption of. use of john and jack as plot devices bc they do almost nothing jajajaj. like, one mention of "inappropriate" dancing??? don't know if i've forgotten anything else.
wc: 1.3k words.
i think he knows his footprints on the sidewalk lead to where i can't stop, go there every night.
"ruben, you need to stop bringing me to these places", you huff, annoyed, while holding the jacket he draped over your shoulders to try and keep you warm in the cold, manchester night. the walk from his car to the club's entrance wasn't that long, but you didn't want to go out in the first place: only accompanying your best friend because he asked you to.
once he closes the passenger side door behind you, he places his warm hand against your small back, and you start walking by his side, hoping the cold hair hitting your face helps to freeze the heat inundating your cheeks. "who would i bring if not you, meu anjo?" (my angel), he asks, tilting his head like a confused dog. ruben had the widest smile on his face, and it's the same grin that had you agreeing with him to come in the first place. you curse under your breath for having a best friend so charming. after announcing your names to the employee at the door, they let you two inside the club, his hand finding yours instantly when the sea of people gets too hard to navigate.
his height proves to be of great advantage when he needs to find his teammates in the multitude. it's easier for him, just looking ahead and seeing john's fluffy hair sticking out like a sore thumb in the bar, his laugh too almost being heard through the loud music when you eventually get to them.
"ah, there they are!" city's number five starts clapping when he sees you two, approaching to greet you two: ruben, with a side hug and a pat on the back, you, with a barely-there kiss on the cheek. "i thought you two weren't coming", jack laughs from behind him, and you greet him with a confused look. "why? i thought ruben had confirmed with you".
"well, you look very pretty tonight, maybe ruben had finally-".
the winger learns to keep his mouth shut when ruben glares at him, already knowing what his mate would have said if he hadn't intercepted the sentence: "maybe ruben had finally grown a pair". it wasn't a secret to anyone, much less his teammates that heard him talking about you everyday, that he was whipped. and ruben was quite certain that you wanted him too, at least in some way, but for whatever reason, he couldn't do anything about it.
being scared wasn't an excuse. he prided himself on it, on being fearless: it's what being a defender requires, he always says. but maybe he feared more being rejected by you, and thus, losing your friendship, than getting a ball aimed directly at his face. he was sure that missing you would definitely hurt more than a black eye or a broken nose.
"a pint, yeah?" he asks, directly in your ear, once he has come back to his senses. you nod approvingly, but before he drops your hand to go find your drink, he feels your slightly smaller hand tightening over his: your silent way of asking him if he was okay. ruben only hums in affirmation, only to realize you can’t actually hear him, so he just smiles before planting a kiss on your temple, and running away.
i think he knows his hands around a cold glass make me wanna know that body like it's mine.
the drinks keep flowing for everyone, except ruben. he’s known for not drinking alcohol, and keeping his uptight appearance at all times: that’s where his teammates balance the matter out.
“i think you should go check over your friend there,” said jack in an overly animated tone when the music subsided a little, and you turned to set your eyes on the table where ruben was seated. he had his elbows resting over the table, forearms on show due to him rolling his long sleeved white shirt up. the top buttons were messily undone, but he still looked like he was sculpted by angels. his hands were occupied by a cold glass containing some form of non-alcoholic beverage, for sure, and although it wasn’t a sight that you hadn’t seen before, it made you feel warm inside.
he divided his attention from john, who was the one keeping him company, before searching for someone in the sea of people. he stopped when he found you, but his demeanor changed when he saw jack holding tightly to your waist. the glass suddenly looked like it could burst at any minute by the amount of force he was gripping it with, and his eyebrows frowned in confusion at the thought of jack being the one holding you like that, and not him.
ruben didn’t have to think twice before downing his drink in one go, like it could provide him some kind of liquid confidence -the one that only alcohol could give you-, before standing up and making a beeline towards his teammate and you.
poor man, if he only knew that little grealish wasn’t trying to make a move on you, but rather, trying to keep his balance after having, certainly, too much to drink, his feet wouldn't have carried him to you so quickly, almost like a bull seeing red.
“john needs you over there, mate”.
wanna see what's under that attitude. like, i want you, bless my soul.
if you didn’t know your best friend so well, you might have missed the cues. but even now, while having certainly too many pints, you can recognise he’s mad.
“why are you angry?”.
he’s perplexed, like he isn’t expecting you to see right through him. in a second, his jaw unclenches, and he’s back to his usual persona: the ruben you know, the one you love. “wasn’t angry, anjo (angel), just missed you,” he says. and even if it’s not the whole truth, it’s half of it, and you try to hide the heat flowing to your cheeks by turning, his chest now flushed against you back. “dance with me, then,” you jokingly said, taking his hands into yours to settle them in your waist.
at first, he’s unsure. his hands only rest at your side, and he’s barely moving, though you keep on trying to press your body against his, even if he’s intended to keep his distance. normally, you loved this part about him, how he’s always so respectful, so caring, just so unically him. but not tonight. whether it is because of the alcohol you consumed, the place being so hot or the indecent thoughts you had about him all night -that appeared to come out of nowhere-, tonight you want to rile him up.
“god, you’re no fun. jack’s a better dancer than you”.
it seems to light something in him, because his grip tightens, and suddenly he doesn’t care about you moving your ass directly onto his crotch. instead, his body's impossibly closer to yours, at the point where you can feel his breath on your neck, fuelling the goosebumps that erupt on your skin. ruben seems to know what you're doing, or what you're trying to do, because he whispers it in your ear. "meu anjo se transformou em um demônio esta noite, não é certo?". (my angel turned into a devil tonight, isn't that right?).
when you turn to look at ruben, his eyes are the darkest you've ever seen them. even with the low and coloured lights at the club, which difficult your vision, you can feel his piercing stare. your arms go in the air, before wrapping them around his neck like it was second nature, and his hands find their home in your waist, holding you flush against him. you hope your doe eyes made him understand, without you having to verbally tell him, that you want him to take you home. and magically, it seems like the case, when he grins, his million dollar smile before taking your hand in his and dragging you towards the exit, without turning around to tell your friends -his teammates, about your sudden departure.
i ain't gotta tell him, i think he knows.
#football imagines#football imagine#football x you#football x reader#football x y/n#ruben dias imagine#ruben dias x reader#ruben dias x you#ruben dias x y/n
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When Your Relationship Gets
Revealed
Taehyung x Idol Reader
Summary: You and Tae discuss what to do when a video of you together is leaked. Can be read as a prequel to "Try Again" or on its own.
Warnings: angst, mentions of harassment and toxic fans, not proofread
A/N: Thanks to the lovely anon who requested this! This went a little more angsty than I originally planned, but I couldn't really help it. This is really starting to turn into a full Idol!Au series, and I can't say I hate it tbh.
Masterlist
Requests are open
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
You were faintly aware of a low, persistent buzzing, slowly being pulling you away from sleep by what you gradually recognized as your phone on the bedside table.
Groggily, you rolled and unlocked the device, wincing at the bright glow of the screen, only to be met with multiple notifications and missed calls from your manager and several friends.
Confused, you tapped on one of the most recent messages, which included a video link. As soon as you opened the video, you felt your heart falter to stop before taking off again at breakneck speed.
The video was of you and Tae walking through the park earlier that night, him swinging your joined hands playfully and making you laugh before pulling you to him in a tight embrace. Your faces were hidden due to how dark it was and the fact that you both had on masks, but anyone who knew you both could recognize you easily enough if they tried.
"Tae." You nudged the sleeping form next to you, but received no response. "Tae!" You shoved him a little more forcefully.
"Ow! What? What's wrong?" He whined sleepily, turning over to face you.
"Somebody saw us." You said, handing him the phone as the video played on loop.
He stared at the screen for moment, before passing the phone back to you.
"It's not that bad, we can just ignore it if you wanna." He said, trying to soothe your nerves as he had when this had happened previously.
But that was part of the problem, this had happened, several times, and was continuing to happen with increasing frequency. But every time, the two of you had chosen to brush it off or ignore it, Tae saying it was easier that way, but you were becoming less sure.
"What if I don't want to ignore it?" You asked hesitantly.
"What do you mean?" He asked.
"This is the third time this has happened this year, Tae, there's only so many times we can lie before people catch on." You explained. "I don't know, I'm just wondering if maybe it would be better to just say something. At least then, we wouldn't have to sneak around so much."
You glanced over at him, but he was staring down at the bedspread, silently. His lack of response causing a weight in your stomach to drop.
"Do-do you not want people to know we're together?" You asked in a small voice, afraid to vocalize the nagging fear that been brewing in your mind.
"No! I mean, that's not it." He scrambled to find the right words to express himself. "It's not that I don't want to tell people, I do, it's just... I'm afraid." He confessed.
"Of what?" You asked.
"You know what some people are like, how they attack and tear down Idols partners." He said, casting his gaze down again. "I don't want you to have to go through any of that."
You knew what he was referring to, you'd both seen too many friends and labelmates go through hell just for admitting they were dating someone, both online and in person. You understood his fear, but he seemed to be forgetting the scrutiny you lived under everyday already as an Idol.
"Tae, I'm already dealing with things like that, people already say things about me. It comes with the territory, unfortunately."
"You never talk about that." He said, looking up at you with big eyes.
"Because I know they only have power if I let them." You said, grasping his hand
"I don't know if I can protect you." He said quietly.
"You don't have to protect me from everything, we're supposed to take care each other, remember?"
He nodded. "So what do we do?"
"We'll figure something out, but whatever we decide, whether that's telling or not, we'll do together, alright?"
"Yeah, alright." He said, giving you a shy grin before pulling you a hug, kissing you temple.
"We'll be okay."
#taehyung imagine#taehyung scenarios#taehyung drabble#taehyung blurb#taehyung fluff#taehyung angst#taehyung idol au#taehyung x idol!reader#taehyung x y/n#taehyung x reader#bts one shot#bts drabble#bts x y/n#bts x reader#bts x idol!reader#bts imagines#bts idol au#bts angst#bts fluff#bts requests#7ndipity
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hello!! :), i would like to request a live action nami x fem reader where they go skinny dipping together for the first time, thank u!
Skinny Dipping
Nami • One Piece
Fandom: One Piece Live Action (OPLA)
Featured character: Nami
Genre: Spicy romance
Rating: 18+
Word count: 1400
Description: Skinny dipping with Nami~
(I’ve only ever seen the live action One Piece, none of the anime or manga sorry!)
Obsessed with this, so thanks anon! Also this woman helped me accept that I’m gay so I’m thrilled to see her as Nami~
WARNINGS: | gender neutral reader | basically heavy kissing and petting |
From the other side of the beach, Nami and I stand exhausted yet wired as Luffy screams something about a pistol. And just like that, it’s all over. All around us, crates and driftwood blaze. A ship is sinking off shore, with pirates screeching and shouting blame.
Zoro marches off past us, muttering under his breath and not waiting another second to get back to the Going Merry. “Fuckin pirates.”
Nami’s hair is lightly smoking. “Hell, we need a vacation.”
Sanji follows after Zoro. “And a long, hot bath.”
I finally sheath my sword. “Yep.”
~~~
Back on the ship, we all help patch each other up and make an easy meal before going our separate ways to chill.
When Nami heads towards the railing to let down the gangplank, I call after her.
“Hey, where do you think you’re going?”
Glancing over her shoulder, she gestures towards the island. “We passed by some tide pools earlier. They should be filled nicely now. Come join me.”
Aching everywhere but not wanting her to be alone on the island with survivors from Luffy’s latest (and rather ironic) dream-crushing escapade, I follow after her.
The blazing heat of the afternoon has died down some as we walk down the beach. Both too tired to say anything, I find myself glancing at her frequently, wondering how the graze wound on her shoulder is doing.
She doesn’t miss a thing as she gives me a side eye. “Either you’re trying to have a telepathic conversation with me or you’re undressing me with your eyes.”
“W-what?! No! I mean, no. I was just wandering how your shoulder is, that’s all.”
She shoots me a smirk. “Is that all?”
Blushing hard, I nod urgently. “Yeah.”
“Hm. Well that’s no fun.”
My step falters a bit in shock. I haven’t been on the crew for long, and have desperately tried to keep my infatuated crush on her a secret. So to have her flirting with me? Maybe?!
I clear my throat and catch up. “No? Then what kind of fun do you want?”
Reaching a line of boulders, she nimbly climbs up and looks back over her shoulder at me. The setting sun sets her ablaze in a phenomenal silhouette.
“Like I said.” My breath catches in my throat as she suddenly takes off her shirt. “Join me.”
My jaw is hanging slack as she drops the rest of her clothes on the rock and jumps into the water on the other side.
After a momentary mental reboot, I scramble up the rock, and am shocked by the tropical paradise awaiting beyond. A perfect ring of rock around a turquoise pool glittering in the sunset’s glow. Tropical plants and palm trees sway in the warm evening breeze. And in the water, Nami’s shock of fiery hair flows around her blissed out face as she swims, the water obscuring her bare form beneath.
“Well? Are you just going to stand there like a creep or are you gonna join me?”
“R-right. Coming!”
Trying not to overthink things (like being an idiot trying to make a show of getting naked for her) I pull off my clothes, quickly folding both our outfits so they’re easier to get into when wer’re done.
“Alright, um, coming in.” Taking a breath, I jump off into the pool.
The sudden sensation of the water enveloping me lasts only a moment before my aching muscles instantly thank me. I groan in relief at the feeling of the grime and sweat being swept away.
But then I remember that Nami is naked right next to me. IM naked right next to her. And my heart sets off racing again.
She laughs at my awkwardness and splashes some water at me. “Are ya just gonna sit there or what?”
I gasp at the sudden assault, and smirk back at her. “Oh you’ve done it now.”
Next thing we know, we’re engaged in a heated water fight, which ends with me cornered by some rocks as Nami boxes me in.
Once she’s too close for me to splash her anymore, I pull my hands back - but not before accidentally brushing her waist.
“Sorry,” I mumble.
But her eyes lock on me with a different kind of intensity. “No it’s okay.”
We stare at each other, panting a little from our game. The sun is sinking below the horizon now, leaving the most vibrant colour being her hair. …That beautiful hair sticking to her face and shoulders in sensual strands.
“You can do it again if you want.”
I can feel my face heating up. “…What?”
She moves closer, her legs brushing mine. “Like this.” I gasp as her hands go to my waist. I can’t stop myself from glancing at her lips, glistening with droplets of water.
The feel of her skin on mine under the water has my senses nearly overstimulated. “Nami…”
Her expression softens a little as she chuckles at me. “I’m telling you it’s okay. Go for it.”
There’s no holding back now. I reach out to touch her waist as well, misjudging due to the water’s altered perception - and end up grabbing onto her hips instead. I stare into her sharp blue eyes, watching every reaction as I caress her skin.
She puts her hands on my shoulders and suddenly leans in to kiss me. We part and come back again and again, trying new angles and exploring each other’s lips and tongues. I rub along her waist and back, sometimes teasing down her hips.
After she thrusts her tongue into my mouth, I grab her ass and pull her closer. The feeling of her nibbles brushing against my chest makes me gasp and moan out loud.
“Nami…” I dive in for more, attacking her neck and collarbones with kisses.
Using my shoulders for leverage, she moves to straddle one of my thighs, pressing herself against it. We both moan at the feeling, and I’m delighted that the new position lifts her out of the water enough for her small breasts to be exposed.
I lean in to kiss and gently suck at the gentle curve of her chest while she rubs herself against me. When she moans out my name, I can’t help but squeeze her ass. She reaches up to play with my nipple, but I quickly redirect her hand to her own breast. She moans appreciatively, pleasuring herself with more vigour.
We lose ourselves in the lazy yet frantic pleasure as the night settles around us. I kiss her until both our lips and her nipples are swollen.
Her moans become higher pitched as she gets closer, and I help guide her hips to keep up the rhythm of her grinding.
“That’s it. Cum all over my thigh.” I reach down to rub at her clit myself, and she whimpers urgently. Her hips buck against my hand until her whole body is wracked with undulating spasms.
I hold her waist securely as she rides out her high, finally dropping her head on top of my own.
“Damn, that was good,” she pants.
I rub her thigh comfortingly. “Yeah? You look like you’re in heaven.”
She moves down to meet my eye and kisses me again.
Just then, we hear voices from a distance.
“Damn, they’ll find us,” she complains. Looking back at me, I can see her expression twist a little in the moonlight. “You did’t get your turn.”
I smile at her and kiss the tip of her nose. “I’d do anything for you, you know. Use me for your pleasure anytime. It’s worth it to see you feeling so good.”
At this, she freezes a little, and I wonder if she’s blushing. “…Thanks.”
Happy to have gotten to see her shy, I chuckle. “Come on, let’s get dressed, milady.”
I help her up to the rocks (given that her thighs are still shaking) and hand her the clothes I’d folded earlier. We race to dress before Usopp’s voice is close enough that we can shout out a reply.
“Nami! Y/n! Where’d you guys go?”
“Yeah yeah, we’re coming! Don’t get yourself in a snit!”
I smirk at her annoyed tone, and again she looks at me a little bashfully. Fuck that’s adorable…
Hearing them getting closer, I reach over to help pull her shirt down over her stomach as she tugs her pants on.
Standing so close, she whispers, “So uh, anytime, you said?”
Unable to hold back my smile, I give her a quick kiss. “Any damn time at all.”
#opla nami x reader#gender neutral reader#norel writes#opla#one piece#one piece Nami#opla nami#one piece live action#one piece live action nami#one piece smut#one piece live action smut#opla smut#opla x reader
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being so used to hardass mean roommate kunikuzushi that when u come home really late one night for whatever reason ur shocked to find him crying in his sleep. and then comforting hin bc ydk what else to do. im normal about him.
- mean xiao (hi lol)
omg! Welcome back mean xiao anon!! You have been missed nodnod--I hope that you were able to get the peep you were trying to get (I've forgotten who idhfoiseh but I remember you were rolling for someone last time you were hanging out around here ehe)
AND ALSO ALSO ALSO are you excited?? It's finally time-
Scaramouche is coming home and all Scara wanters are going to be Scara havers def not because most Scara wanters have been waiting for years now and have been saving up since his initial appearance. some people's resolve scares me
But YES
gimme a moment I got side tracked again- (also going back after writing, I honestly intended to put more comfort but as you know roommate Scara has a mind of his own, so we'll just say that he and reader aren't really close yet)
Honey Milk Tea
Summary: You're tired, it's late, and your usually pain-in-the-ass roommate...is crying?
Contains: Modern au, roommates, roommate!Scaramouche, fluff, comfort (??), awkward roommate situations, maybe a little bit of underlying feelings whether platonic or romantic-
You had to stay later for work again today.
Something happened and, for reasons that you'd rather be unaware of, the night crew called out (again, for the second time within a week), so you were stuck until your coworker could come in nearly three hours after your shift should've ended. A heavy sigh heaves, following the familiar gesture of your key turning in the door's lock, and you finally relax the moment you step into your apartment.
Unsurprisingly, it's dark.
Scaramouche likely retired a while ago, you note, considering that the clock’s hands are pointed decidedly at a time that you’d rather be in bed yourself.
With a stretch, you shuck off your shoes and coat. They’re set besides the entrance, and you know that you’ll get an earful later about leaving your stuff laying around, but the effort required to put them up in the entryway closet seems just a little bit too much to handle. You’ll make sure to apologize in the form of a cup of coffee if you manage to get up before him.
Though...you look at it one more time before deciding that you’re satisfied with the halfheartedly folded article of clothing.
It’s another minute before you finally walk into the combined living area and kitchen, and then another before you decide against a midnight snack despite the tempting idea of a quick meal to make your way towards the small hallway leading to the rooms. The longer that you spend awake, the longer that you’ll have to wait until you’re comfortable and asleep in bed, after all. Or, at least that the logic that you decided on tonight.
And then, you hear the soft sound of breathing.
There, on the couch, cheek pressed into the armrest and legs dangling haphazardly off, is your roommate. In the dimness of the apartment, you easily could have mistaken him for a stray blanket. But the closer you get (careful to take as quiet steps as possible) the easier it is to squint and see his familiar features.
He shifts, and for a moment you’re worried that you woke him, until he settles. Bangs falling from where they sat tucked behind his ear, he mumbles.
Huh.
Who knew he talked in his sleep?
“...breathe...”
You hold your own breath, hesitating in your spot when his brows scrunch up and his arm drags to rest across his forehead.
“...should breathe.”
Scaramouche’s expression shifts, the corners of his lips tugging down and you wonder about what he’s dreaming of. He must be, since he shows no sign of acknowledging you, right? His frown deepens while you’re left in your thoughts and, if you didn’t know better, you’d ask him what’s wrong.
But the silence continues and he shifts until he’s properly laid across the couch (good for him, you muse).
You know. You should probably go ahead and go to sleep yourself. Change out of your work clothes, maybe do a few stretches to relieve the ache in your back, and close your eyes. Except...you can’t seem to tear yourself away. Not when Scaramouche suddenly whimpers.
It’s a soft sound, pained and almost resigned. Like an eon’s worth of waiting only to be disappointed, but still being vulnerable enough for it to hurt.
His features relax, if only a bit, but the frown stays.
“...you promised...”
Suddenly, he looks hurt.
He turns on his side and his arm falls from his head down in front of his chest, fingers twitching.
It’s then that he starts to cry.
A tear beads and slips down from the corner of his eye, just enough to catch whatever meager light rests in the darkness, and wets the worn fabric of the couch. Another follows, and another.
And then, Scaramouche awakens.
He sits up straight, furiously rubbing at his eyes with white-knuckled fists even though the tears don’t stop. They continue to slip past.
“Shit. Shit-”
Tearing away from his face, he hits the back of the couch, eyes shut tight and teeth worrying at a wobbling lip he’d really rather not have. You could only imagine why, all things considered.
And you only imagined for a little bit longer before you were met with a furious glare.
“Why are you here? Go the fuck to sleep already.”
You didn’t want to ask, not that you weren’t curious. So, instead you offer a hopefully reassuring smile.
“Late shift. I had to cover for Jamie because they called out. Same with Bryce.”
The silence that follows is uncomfortable.
It’s weird to see your roommate so vulnerable—a few tears still streaming down his flushed cheeks from red and puffy eyes despite the clearly inconvenienced expression. Maybe it was the late hour, or perhaps the extra three hours, but you found yourself doing something you didn’t expect.
“...are you alright?”
He prickles at that, visibly. But then the tears start up anew and his shoulders shake in silence and he turns away to try to rid himself of them.
“I know we don’t really talk much, but I’m always ready to listen if you need it. Really.”
Scaramouche shakes his head, pointedly keeping himself face away from you, but you see the way that his shoulders loosen.
The moment that his tears reduce to sniffles, he stands up.
It takes only about ten large strides for him to make his way across the living area to the kitchen sink. After a few splashes of cold water and a vigorous wiping with a handful of paper towels, he finally takes in a deep breath.
“There’s no need to waste words on something that’s in the past.”
The light turns on with a click and your apartment floods with light. Leaning against the counter with crossed arms, he still refuses to meet your eyes.
“It’s whatever. Do you want a cup, or not?”
Despite the underlying discomfort, Scaramouche forgoes your lack of an answer to fish two mugs from the cabinet, crossing over to fill the kettle with water and clicking the stovetop on. You watch as he grabs a box of chamomile from the side and sets a bag in each mug before tapping his fingers impatiently against the countertop.
The water comes to a boil much quicker than expected, and before you know it there’s a fresh, warm cup of honey milk tea pushed in front of you.
Nursing his own close to his face, Scaramouche watches you. He takes a sip.
“It tastes better when it’s still hot.”
“Oh--right, thank you.”
And it really does.
You take a deep drink, relishing in the light sweetness and comfort, missing the way that he seems to relax more at your acceptance, how he seems to not look away from you once. The drink is finished too soon for either of your liking.
When you thank him again, he shrugs it off, setting your cup besides his in the sink to deal with in the morning.
Soon enough, the lights flick back off and the two of you head down the hall to part ways.
It’s not until your door closes and he’s sure you’re occupied with getting ready for bed that he mutters a quiet thank you to the quiet hall. Tonight, he’s sure that his dreams will be sweeter.
Note: I like to think he's pretty bad at feelings so he goes about resolving things himself and by that I mean burying them in the form of making a cup of tea in hopes of calming his nerves
#I couldn't think of names for reader's coworkers because I ended up accidentally writing myself into that osdihfoieh so these are the first#that popped up in my head#scaramouche#roommate au#roommate scaramouche#modern au#scaramouche x reader#genshin impact scaramouche#genshin impact fics#genshin impact#genshin impact drabbles#genshin impact fluff#genshin impact x reader#there are definitely gears turning in that head of his ooo dang look at that mouchie considering letting others in??? Incredible#aw buns wait I forgot the anon tags#anon asks#mean xiao anon#ehe I hope this is close enough to the original idea dhfosieh
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you probably won’t answer this and rightly so but idk what’s wrong or holding me back cause i always get symptoms, i know the next thing is for me to enter and i don’t. I obviously won’t be giving up but i see such great success stories (mostly your anons) about how they persisted and entered and i continue to persist but it doesn’t happen and idk why. I have worked out my doubts and fears and i genuinely know nothing is holding me back.
I am not dwelling in this negativity of me not entering but i guess the reason why i am sending this to you is because i want to know if i’m missing something? i promise you i’m good (no negative self talk) i worked so hard to be at this stage, but just confused about what’s not clicking
Here’s what i do:
relax my bod, stay still
listen to a sub while taking deep breaths, i affirm
i try to keep my mind focused on just the affirmations and breathing
i get symptoms
i know, i really believe i’ll tap in and continue to do what i’m doing
but i don’t enter
(i try to do the theta method where i visualise myself in water and space but can’t continue to do it for long because it does the opposite of relax for me?)
if you end up answering, i appreciate it a lot! thank you maya!! hope you’re having a good day!
Hi love! I get a lot of asks like this or very similar ones, and I really can't tell you what you are supposedly doing right or wrong because I’m not there, and I’m not you. And to be real, you might not even be doing anything wrong in the first place.
From what you've shared, it sounds like you're already doing a lot of things right. You're listening to subs, focusing on your affirmations and breathing, and you've even attempted the theta method (though I understand if it doesn't work for everyone).
I’m sure you already know if you’re this far, but the law always emphasizes the importance of feeling natural about your desired state. If you're constantly aware that you're trying to manifest something, it might create a sense of separation between you and your desired state. Instead, try to assume a state of already having what you want. Feel it to be natural. Live in the end. That’s what my experience was at least.
Regardless there are a plethora of methods out there that exist to help you on your journey. Each one is unique and tailored to address different issues that you might be facing. So, if you think you have a problem, rest assured there's a method where that issue won't exist.
Maybe you're too focused on symptoms, which, by the way, are just your body falling asleep. They're not an external sign pointing to something else. While it's a good thing that your body is relaxing and preparing for sleep, remember that your goal is to detach from your physical body. Try affirming "I am not my body, and symptoms don't affect me" while you experience these symptoms.
Visualization can also be a helpful tool like you said. If imagining yourself floating in space and being sucked into the void visualization doesn't work for you, try a different scene. Maybe it's the mountain tops, or maybe it's being comforted in bed with someone you find safe. The key is to tailor the visualization to what makes you feel comfortable and relaxed.
If awake methods are too distracting for you, it’s fine. There are plenty of sleep methods available. These methods focus on using the state between wakefulness and sleep (like the hypnagogic state) to shift your awareness. They can be less intense and easier to practice than awake methods.
And if you're looking for something more unconventional, there are other methods out there. I recently posted about a reverse psychology method, and there are more in my masterlist. Plus, @gorgeouslypink discusses many different void methods that tackle a variety of issues.
In your journey, the answer you're seeking will always lie within yourself. It's about understanding your own rhythms, your own energy, and your own paths to relaxation and manifestation.
Start by writing down what works best for you. What practices make you feel the most relaxed? Is it a specific method or a combination of several? Maybe it doesn’t even exist but doing that particular thing helps you. Or, at this point, is it just setting an intention and letting yourself do your own thing, knowing that what you desire is already yours?
You are the best judge of what works for you. I can guide you, provide suggestions, and share different methods, but ultimately, you are the one who knows what feels right.
Maybe Instead of trying to force the method in your next attempt to reach the void, ask yourself what you think you should be doing.
Trust your intuition. It's always with you and can guide you towards your desired state. calming your mind and living in the present moment will always help. At any point you can tap into your subconscious mind, where all your answers lie.
So, pay attention to your inner voice. It's always speaking, always guiding. Even when you're not actively seeking answers, it's there, speaking with you.
Also, if you’re “knowing” the same way you knew I wouldn’t answer this ask even though I am, that might also be your issue. Thinking and knowing are different things. If you’re telling and convincing yourself you’re going to tap into the void while also in your mind knowing you won’t at the same time, you’re better off attempting with an altered state of consciousness like a hypnagogia or SP.
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I'm just catching up and read your thoughts on the Bojere Universe's potential (or lack thereof) for a long-term happy ending and honestly I do love the angst potential of this whole situation. The idea of the two of them knowing that there's something between them, that they could be Something - not just something, that they could be great together - but also knowing that it just wouldn't be feasible with the lives they lead and the plans they have, that sooner or later it would become unsustainable and that would just hurt too much. So they never cross that line, not because they're unsure of each other's feelings, but because if they don't know what they're missing out on, it's easier to pretend they're fine with it. But sometimes during a late night call, when there's a lull in the conversation, one of them will go "I wish..." and the other one will just respond "yeah, me too."
(and then they find a way to make it work and their friends help them figure it out and they're happy together and split their time between Finland and Slovenia because actually I can't stand unhappy endings sfhgdfsj)
THAT'S THE SPIRIT, ANON! Please, can I order 10K more (with the happy ending plis)
...I mean, I strongly agree. The what-ifs and should-haves and maybes aroung this whole thing makes for delicious angst, and I'm here for it.
And even if you don't bring shipping into it, the sadness of sad bojere bitches comes from the fact how they have this great thing between them, but they can only be together very little, and the unrealised potential of the whole situation is just, well, sad.
#ask#bojere#sad bojere bitches support group#please can you elaborate tho#slide in my dms and we'll talk
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You Are My Queen Now | Part 8
Word Count: 22k
Genre: Smut, angst, fluff
Summary: Growing up as a child of a minor lord, you had it instilled in you since a young age that you needed to find yourself a rich and affluent husband that would not only provide a comfortable life for you, but would also help further your family’s position in the court. So it was of the utmost importance that you remain a virgin in order to land such a coveted husband.
The problem lies when the man you secretly love, Prince Beomgyu, suddenly and unabashedly propositions you.
Warnings: extremely unhealthy relationship dynamics, mentions of past noncon and justifications of it, really fucked up characters, rough sex, edging again, fingering, GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION OF CHARACTER DEATH, mentions of fucked up family trauma
A/N: Check out the playlist for the fic as well as the wonderful pinterest boards my lovely ♡ anon made for the fic. They’ll really help put you in the mood.
For this particular chapter, the theme songs are Lover, Please Stay by Nothing But Thieves for tyun and Forgiven by Within Temptation
You spend hours thinking it over, approaching it from every possible angle you can think of, but you can’t seem to get any closer to the truth.
If Taehyun is right and you go back to Beomgyu, then you’d just make it all the more easier for him to attack Taehyun, claiming that he rescued you and you corroborated the killers’ stories.
If Taehyun is right and you stay, then Beomgyu will either attack anyway or he’d figure out another way to get you. Like Wonyoung said, he has already crossed the line. He’s not going to back down now.
If Kai and Wonyoung are right and you go back to Beomgyu then you would prevent a war from breaking out, but you will have undone everything you’ve built for yourself here. You’ll go back to being Beomgyu’s whore and he will probably be even more controlling than ever because of your successful escape attempt. He’d never let you go anywhere or do anything. He’d be open about his obsessive ways now that his father is gone–something that you had always wished for but never realized how detrimental it would be to you. You’d be leaving Taehyun behind to hate and despise you. Or even worse, knowing him, he might just launch a war against Beomgyu because you’re his wife and he can’t let the fact that Beomgyu is committing such a huge crime go.
Would that be the only reason he would go after you?
It’s incredibly selfish to think but maybe making this decision would be easier if Taehyun actually loved you. Maybe taking a risk would feel justified if it wasn’t just because of his need to make a point. That he actually wants you to stay instead of just not wanting Beomgyu to prevail.
You also want to believe that Beomgyu wouldn’t attack Taehyun anyway if you went back but you’ve been away from him for so long that you don’t know what he’s capable of anymore. Not that you really knew when you were with him. After all, he did have you fooled for all those years. It was Taehyun who was right about him. So maybe he’s also right about him now.
Sitting here, running over this a million times has turned your brain to mush. Maybe if you went and spoke to Wonyoung, you could glean some information about where Beomgyu’s head is at right now.
Yes, you should go do that. You need to gather more information in the hopes that it would sway you either way. That’s it.
So why is it that the first thing out of your mouth when you meet her is to ask her if Beomgyu is okay?
Wonyoung smiles knowingly. “He’s fine physically. But he hasn’t been the same since you left. He misses you a lot, you know? Don’t you miss him?”
“You know I do.”
It’s the cycle of guilt and blame again. You shouldn’t let yourself feel that way but you can’t help but do.
“Then why are you doing this to him?”
“He forced me.” You try to appeal your case even though you know you’re the one in the right. “He kept me beside him even when he knew that we could never be together. He lied to me and sabotaged me so that I could never leave him. He wanted to keep me by his side as his whore and he refused to think about how that makes me feel or how demeaning it was.”
“My brother loves you more than anything in the world. You think he wouldn’t have given you what you wanted if he could?” She reproaches, “You should’ve had more faith in him. Look at what he’s doing now. He’d do anything to make you happy.”
“Is this his idea of making me happy?” You laugh.
“Is this yours?” She gestures around vaguely, indicating the situation you’re in, the place you’re in. You look around you and see the castle walls as you saw them when you first came here–depressing and suffocating.
“Who are you doing this for?”
“For myself. What your brother did to me is unforgivable.” You say woefully, “Taehyun may not be perfect but he’s my husband. He gives me respect and power over my own fate. I never had any of that with Beomgyu.”
Can’t she see that this is killing you? That you wouldn’t have left if you didn’t feel like you had to? That if you saw any viable alternative you never would’ve left his side?
“But are you happy with him?” She asks, cutting straight to where it hurts. “Now that you have what you wanted, are you satisfied?”
No, you’re not. And you’re afraid to figure out all the reasons why because you’re afraid it would expose how selfish of a person you are. You should be thinking about the safety of everyone and what would be the best course of action to prevent a civil war, but here you are only thinking about yourself and how both men make you feel.
“I wasn’t happy with Beomgyu either. At least I have dignity here.” You say quietly.
“Do you?” Just from the way she’s asking, you know she’s about to break you down to the bare bones. “Does it feel dignified to love a man who will never love you back?”
“You don’t know that.” You defend, feeling as fragile as glass right now, and she answers with all the self-assurance you don’t possess. “But I know who will always love you.”
Those damned tears of weakness spring to your eyes at once. “I can’t deal with this right now. I have to go.”
This was a mistake. You were supposed to come here in order to gain more clarity, not to feel more lost than ever.
As you leave, you hear her shouting after you. “You don’t have to keep fighting, you know? It’s okay to let go.”
Her words almost make you tumble over, every fiber of your being wanting to take the permission to give up. You’re so tired of struggling, so tired of trying to prove yourself to a man who will never feel for you. It's another version of the fight you've been having with the world. You'll never be good enough. You'll never impress him enough to give you the love you so crave. No one is crazy enough to love you like that except Beomgyu. No one would accept you like he does. You can't run into Taehyun’s arms right now and have him kiss away your sorrows. No, he'd tell you to toughen up and get over it. That he didn't marry you so you would act this weak.
Is it weak to need reassurance from your husband? To wish he would look at you with love in his eyes? To dare to hope he would speak the words you've been dreaming of?
You suppose to him, it is.
You rush to your room, trying to outrun your exhaustion before it shuts down your body. If only you can make it back to your room then you could grab a bottle of liquor and drink yourself to sleep to escape from your thoughts and feelings and the situation you've put yourself in.
But as soon as you step foot inside, you realize that you’ll have to face Taehyun if you sleep here and you can’t handle that right now. You’ve been broken down by words enough today, you have no more strength in you. So you decide to grab a change of clothes and a bottle of wine and head to your old room, hoping to get just a little bit of reprieve.
But before you can make your escape, Taehyun catches you, nightgown and bottle in hand.
He doesn’t say anything for a moment, just pinning you down with a cold gaze.
“Where are you going?”
“To my old room.” You say softly, timidly.
"I see.” He remarks, resentful. “Did you make your decision already?"
"No, Taehyun." You deny vehemently, your feet wanting to take you to him but you hold yourself back. He doesn't want you to cling to him. Look at him, he loathes you. He is realizing that he made a mistake choosing you.
"Then come to bed."
You want to. You want to fall into his arms and cry all your feelings out. And you would have if he had looked at you with even a hint of affection or worry in his eyes. But like everything, Taehyun approaches your marriage, not with love, but with a set of rules and expectations that must be carried out in order to fulfill it. He doesn’t want you to come with him so he could show you how much you mean to him. He just wants you to come because a woman is supposed to go to sleep in the same bed as her husband.
You need to distance yourself from this before you cement Wonyoung’s assertions in your brain. You need to hold out hope that he cares.
"I still need more time so I'll sleep in my old room." Even as you say it, you hope he'll say something in response to make you change your mind. Just anything, no matter how small.
Just hold me and ask me to stay.
“Stay.” He grunts, but once again the fates are playing with you as it sounds nothing like you had hoped for. “I’ll go.”
You watch helplessly as he turns back to where he came from, not even grabbing a change of clothes before he goes, leaving you alone in the room that was once his but now belongs to the both of you, if only in name for it doesn’t bear any trace of you.
Looking around, you see him everywhere–in the swords that hang on his walls as well as the various weapons scattered about, in the old but sturdy table that bears years of dents and ink stains as a result of the work he stays all night finishing, in the ancient fireplace that's all but painted black from the soot of many decades, in the canopy bed covered with the furs of animals he no doubt hunted himself and where, for a few awkward but blissful days, he used to hold you to sleep.
Everything in here is his, and yet he left it all for you. But he took the one thing you actually wanted… him.
So you go with your original plan, the only thing you can think of to drown it all away, and drink until the dark colors of the room and the pitch blackness of the night outside melt together and surround you in a cocoon so impenetrable you can't feel him anymore, can’t smell his scent even as it burns at your nose, can't feel how much it hurts you that he doesn't want you back.
__________________________
When a knock comes at your door later, you groggily lift your head up and look outside the window, wondering who would wake you up in the middle of the night, only to realize that the midday sun is already out.
“Oh, fuck.” You grumble. You must’ve overslept. Why didn’t anyone wake you up? Who knows what you missed by sleeping in? For all you know, they would be at each other’s throats right now.
Quickly, you get out of bed, but you don’t account for how dizzy you would be or for the massive headache that is clanging your brain against your skull, and you almost end up falling to the floor. Luckily, you manage to steady yourself on the bed and sit back down, grabbing the jug of water beside the bed and chugging it down to quench your intense thirst.
When the knocking repeats, you put the jug down and try to make yourself look presentable, smoothing your hair and straightening your nightgown, hoping it would be Taehyun coming in to tell you that he couldn't hold back anymore and he's here to finally lay out his heart and tell you that he wants you to stay.
But it's not Taehyun, of course. It's Wonyoung. She comes in with a few servants in toe, hauling three large heavy bags into your room.
"Oh my goodness, are you okay, sweetling?" She swoons when she gets a good look at you. So much for looking presentable.
"Yes, I'm fine. I just had one too many drinks last night." You say and she looks around to find the entire empty bottle of liquor next to the bed.
"I'll say." She raises an eyebrow at you. "Is that why you didn't show up for breakfast? Your lord sent me my breakfast to my room but I, of course, couldn't have that. I needed to see you so I went down to the dining hall to find you, only to be told that you hadn't come down yet. So I waited all morning for you because your dear lord insisted that I don’t disturb your sleep." She scoffs, and leans down to whisper conspiratorially to you, "I have to say, that was the most awkward breakfast of my life. The two men of this house are not very gentlemanly."
You can't help but laugh. "You're threatening them with war. They don't exactly like you."
"I'm not threatening them with anything." She huffs, "No one has to get hurt–"
"If I come back home. I get it, princess."
"Hey, don't get grumpy with me." She says, offended, as if you’ve only had a minor disagreement and you’re blowing it out of proportion. She’s just like her brother.
"I'm sorry if I don’t exactly feel very fond of you right now." You mutter and, surprisingly, she grins back. "I bet I know how to cheer you up."
When you look at her quizzically, she gestures to the maids accompanying her to open the bags they had dragged in.
Inside were all kinds of dresses–luxurious gowns, floral sundresses, elegant evening dresses. There was also a small fortune worth of jewelry–from the largest diamonds that shone even in this gloomy place, to an entire rainbow of precious stones, to the prettiest little gold and silver pieces. Last but not least, the third bag contained all the essential beauty supplies you’ve been missing since you came here–creams, ointments, lipsticks, eyeliner… all of it.
You could feel your eyes sparkling as you look at them. They’re just so beautiful.
"What is this?"
The princess grins and claps her hands excitedly. "We're going to liven up your look a little bit."
"Oh, I don’t know. I can’t wear your things." You say hesitantly.
"Oh these aren't mine. They're yours. They're a gift from Beomgyu." She explains happily, "Good thing too, how he knew the state I'd find you in, I don’t know." She tuts as she comes to the bed and picks at your hair and clothes.
"You know I can't take those." You protest, even though all you want to do is get up and throw yourself in the midst of the gorgeous gowns and lather your skin with the fragrant and soothing lotions.
"And why not?" She huffs, and it's unfair how charming she looks when she's pouting.
"I can't wear gifts from Beomgyu in front of Taehyun. He's already pissed off."
"So if he's already pissed off then it won't make a difference.” She shrugs, “Just tell him I gave them to you."
"Princess, I can't…" You continue to protest even as you throw longing glances at the bags.
"Oh come on, I know you want to. You’re not very subtle with your glances, you know?"
Fuck, she caught you.
It's been so long since you got to look nice. What harm would it be to indulge a little? It doesn't mean anything. Maybe if you put them on, you'd realize that you don't want them anymore. Or maybe if Taehyun sees you all made up and actually looking beautiful, he'd want you too.
Didn't you first catch his eyes back at the castle when you actually looked good? Maybe if you looked the same as you did back then, he'd remember how he felt for you.
"Oh, okay." You give in and she squeals excitedly. "Alright, let’s start by getting you into a proper bath and wash the grime of this horrid castle off you."
___________________________
Despite your initial reluctance, you end up enjoying it so much. You spend the whole afternoon choosing which dresses go with which jewelry and then deciding which makeup to put on and what hairstyle to do. It all reminds you so much of your untroubled days back at the palace–except that the Wonyoung is the one dolling you up and it takes everything in you not to lose it over the fact that the princess herself is pampering you like this. You mean, yes, you had Beomgyu pampering you all the time but this is different. To have the lovely and exquisite princess Wonyoung herself spoil you like this–it’s an indescribable feeling. It really does make you feel like you’re family, like you’re sisters, talking and giggling while you play dress up–especially that Wonyoung spends the whole time catching you up with the latest news and gossip back at the capital that she, being the princess, is uniquely privy to.
She steers clear of talking about Beomgyu or what happened, and you do too. You probably should use this chance to find out more about what exactly went down but this is the first time in ages when you actually felt carefree again and you want to enjoy this bubble that she's created until it pops.
"Oh, sweetling, how gorgeous you look." Wonyoung coos, staring at you in the mirror.
"I do look good, don't I?" You chuckle, admiring yourself and feeling confident for the first time in a while.
The dress you ended up choosing is so stunning, one wouldn’t be remiss to call it a piece of art. The main body is a lovely pale blue that compliments your skin, and at the middle of it, is a gorgeous ruffled pink fabric interwoven with all manner and colors of artificial roses, mostly pink and yellow. It reminds you of the lake you and Beomgyu used to spend your days lying next to back at the palace, with little islands of flowers floating over the calm surface that you’d stare at as you bask under the soft glow of the sun. It’s a memory so soothing, you can’t help but sport a peaceful little smile on your face that is plumped up and painted with equally graceful spring colors. Your hair was done up in a loose updo, held together at the back by numerous gold clips of different sizes and shapes, and even more flowers.
You giggle as you continue to stare at yourself in the mirror. You look like a wood nymph.
"You do. Beomgyu would’ve swooned if he was here.”
Your smile falls a little, but you’re glad you're wearing rouge so it would hide your natural blush.
“Thank you, princess.”
“Don’t call me princess anymore. It’s too formal. You can call me Wonnie.”
“I could never.” You gasp. “That’s what your family calls you.”
She smiles knowingly. “Well, you’re family to us.”
There she goes again, calling you family. Does she really think that or is she just trying to sweeten you up so you’d agree to go back to the palace?
She is living up to her word though. She called you family and she’s treating you as such. Why isn’t Taehyun? You realize she could just be doing it to trick you but even if that’s the case, at least she’s trying to gain your favor, unlike your distant so-called husband…
An impatient rapping at the door interrupts your inner dilemma, and before you can ask who it is or give them permission to come in, they do. When you hear the door swing open, a scathing remark springs to your tongue–how dare whoever it is barge into a lady’s room like this without permission–but it dissolves like poison the moment you see an untidy Taehyun standing in the doorway wearing last night’s clothes.
“Is this what you call being alone?” He asks, stepping into the room and taking in the absolute mess you and Wonyoung have created in your wake–clothes and bottles and accessories strewn all over the place.
“Oh, Wonnie was just showing me some things.” You fiddle with the necklace you were wearing.
“Wonnie?” His eyes narrow in on what your hands are doing, and he walks up to you and grabs your necklace, demanding, “What is this?”
“Jewelry.” Wonyoung deadpans. “It’s what a lady typically wears if her husband can afford it.”
Taehyun turns on her with the wrath of a warrior. "You think I can’t provide for my wife?"
But she is the princess. She’s not going to be intimidated by him. "I don't know. Can you?" She challenges. "Look at the way you have her dressed in rags. This is not befitting of a noble."
"And what your brother did to her was befitting of a noble?" Taehyun fumes. It's unlike him to let his emotions get the best of him like this but he's been on edge ever since Wonyoung stepped foot in this castle.
"Please don't fight again." You get in between them, trying to stop them but they ignore you.
"My brother loves her!" She defends, "Which according to her, is more than I can say for you."
Taehyun turns to you with a look of betrayal, and you wish that the sea outside would crash through this room and swallow you into its depth this very moment.
"I will not have you insult me in my own home.” He storms with the fury of the sea. “I've been generous enough to let you sleep off your journey in my home despite you being the sister of the man who is threatening war if I don't hand him my wife. But this is as far as my hospitality will allow. So take this shit and get the fuck out."
But Wonyoung stands tall against his hostility and levels him with a threat. “If I leave then that means you’ve chosen war.”
“So be it.” Taehyun concludes and you quickly rush to protest. "No, no, Taehyun, you can’t just say that! Here, I'll take everything off." You plead, your hands reaching up to rid yourself of all of Beomgyu’s gifts, starting from the clips in your hair, taking them off so fast you accidentally pull on your hair with it.
“Ah, fuck.” You cry in pain but don’t stop, hoping that if you just take everything off that Taehyun would calm down. But the more frantic you are, the more you keep making it worse as the intricate clips tangle in your hair.
“Look at what you’re doing to her!” Wonyoung condemns and goes to try to help you take them off without hurting yourself, but you jump away from her. “Please, princess, just go. Let me talk to him.”
She looks between you and the angry Taehyun with uncertainty but she must’ve realized that if she stays, she’ll only make it worse so, with shoulders slumped, she gestures for her maids to come with her as she leaves.
“Take your shit with you.” Taehyun calls after her, making her turn around but you give him a pleading look and say, “I’ll give it all back. Let’s just talk now, okay?” You reach out a hand to touch his arm nervously, gasping as you feel how tense it is under your fingertips.
But mercifully, he gives in. “Fine.”
Once the door is shut behind her and you’re alone with Taehyun in the room, you go back to trying to take the clips out from your hair, but stop when Taehyun steps up to you and takes over, deliberate hands working to untangle the mess you’ve made and, one by one, he pulls the gold and floral ornaments from your hair.
You stand there in silence for a while, perfectly still, as he lets your hair down with surprising gentleness every time he pulls a clip out. So when he suddenly speaks up, you jolt a little despite his soft voice.
"I don't give you these things because they're wasteful displays of wealth, not because I can't."
"I know." You acknowledge glumly. "I just wanted to look pretty. I'm sick of wearing these depressingly beige dresses and that one shade of lipstick. I miss getting to wear things like this.” You whine vapidly then look at him through your eyelashes, “Don't you think I look pretty?"
"No.” He shoots you down ruthlessly. “You look overdone and gaudy."
His brash comment doesn't come as a surprise to you but it still hurts, and you immediately get defensive.
"Well, Wonnie thinks I look pretty." You scowl at him and he scowls back. “Why are you even listening to that empty-headed, pompous idiot?”
“Don’t talk about her like that.”
"So you're defending her now?” He steps back, stopping what he’s doing. “You're even telling her things about us that she could use to her brother's advantage."
You feel a little embarrassed at having been obvious enough about the state of your relationship for her to gather such information, but you also wouldn’t have even been in this situation where you felt forlorn enough for Wonyoung to figure it out if he had shown you even a little bit of affection. The only reason she succeeded in sowing discord between all of you is because you allowed there to be discord in the first place.
"What? About how you don't love me? She figured it out herself, even an idiot would have." You defend yourself, "You have been avoiding me for a while now. You don’t look at me. You barely talk to me. You haven’t even fucked me in a week. Are we even married?”
He laughs mockingly. “Is that what you’re focusing on? Sex?”
“Yes.” You stand your ground. “Didn’t you say that as the man, it’s your duty to please me? Well I’m not fucking pleased. At least with him I didn’t have to beg for it.”
You know it was a low blow, but it’s also true, and that seems to be the standard for allowing hurtful things to be said for him.
Rage twists his features, his eyebrows shadowing his eyes and lip snarling upwards before he lunges at you, grabbing you and pulling you into a punishing kiss. You meet him with as much ferocity. You’ve been pining after his cold touch ever since you got here and he rarely ever gives it to you, so you sure as hell are going to latch onto any hint of intimacy he displays, no matter how provoked or emotionally-blunted it is.
You wrap your arms around his neck, letting your neediness, frustration, and anger loose into the kiss, and he accepts them for once.
"Want me to fuck you?" He pulls back just enough to growl lowly, his lips brushing against your own as he speaks.
"Yes." You look deep into his eyes in an effort to read him, squeaking in surprise when he suddenly grabs the underside of your thighs and hoists you up before throwing you on the bed.
He flings you hard enough that you bounce on it a little bit, but no sooner had your hands flashed out to steady yourself, did he climb over you, placing his body between your legs and going back to his bruising kisses.
"You piss me off so much." He grabs your necklace around and yanks on it, breaking it and scattering the beads everywhere.
Not to be outdone, you grab onto his shirt and rip it open, revealing his toned body to your hungry eyes. "Good. At least pissed off is a feeling. I can work with that." You goad him, moving your hands towards his pants and undoing them before pulling his cock out.
He sucks in a harsh breath, closing his eyes for a second to savor your touch on his heated skin as you stroke him, before he opens them again, glowering at you "God, I want to fuck that attitude out of you."
"I want to see you try."
You see his jaw tense in that way it does when he is trying to hold himself back. Not wanting to give him time to think, you brush your palm over the head of his cock, making his mouth fall open and his hips buck forward.
“You make me lose control.” He groans, grabbing the skirt of your delicate dress and ripping it right down the middle before he bunches your underwear in his fist and snaps it off.
You don't even mind that he's destroying such expensive clothes and jewelry. It’s just too arousing watching him go mad over you like this.
“Oh, please,” You deny, “I can’t even–” Your words leave you in a yelp when he grabs your legs and pulls on them, causing your body to fall flat onto the bed before he bends them up towards your chest.
“Keep those here.” He orders, his hand moving to rub your pussy. His touches are a sharp contrast to his intense look, brushing along your lips softly but firmly, spreading your wetness around and making you whimper at the surprisingly intimate moment.
He holds your gaze as he brings his fingers to his mouth to wet them, and you can feel more than hear him moan as your taste hits his tongue, before he brings them down again between your legs to swirl around your hole a couple of times before they bury themselves into your pussy.
“Ah—fuck—Taehyun….” You moan as he pumps his fingers in and out, loosening you up for his cock. You can tell that he is feeding off your moans, his hot gaze burning into yours, so you decide to goad him a bit more.
“You like how I sound when you fill me up with your fingers, darling?” You mewl even louder for him, giggling when his cock twitches and leaks a little precum in your fist.
You start jerking him off again, using the precum to make the slide of your hand easier. “You’re so hard. Do you like it that much?” You tease, rubbing your thumb over the sensitive spot just under the head of his cock.
“You’re such a brat.”
The gasp that leaves your mouth is equal parts because of the way his fingers curl inside you and because his words remind you so much of Beomgyu.
No, you can’t think of him. You have to make sure to keep your eyes and brain trained on Taehyun. He’s your husband. You should think of him and him only.
Wanting to distract yourself, you use your free hand to pull his fingers out of you before you line his cock up with your pussy. "Enough teasing. I want your cock."
“So domineering.” He complains, thrusting his hips forward and filling you up with his cock in one go, making the both of you sigh in pleasure.
“I thought you liked that about me."
“I do.” He drawls, and starts moving his hips.
“Oh god…” You lean back, finally relaxing as you surrender your body to him. In this moment, while he’s fucking you, you can rest assured that he wants you, that his attention is on you.
“Is this what you wanted? You’re acting out because I don’t fuck you enough?” Taehyun growls, ruthlessly pounding into you. He’s gotten much more confident with this over the few times you had sex. He just takes to it so naturally, and you think it’s because it helps him express himself more easily.
The slide of his cock in and out of you makes your whole body tingle. You’re so touch-starved that each drag of his cock against your walls sends a zap of pleasure down to your toes, making them curl in the air where you hold them.
But soon, your leg muscles burn from the effort and they start coming down, something that Taehyun notices right away. He grabs them and pushes them back up. “I thought I told you to keep them up.”
“Then you hold them.” You hiss, hating how he can keep his cool while you’re falling apart on his cock. You need to find a way to tear down his control.
Grunting, he grabs your legs and presses them to your body, folding you in half as he hovers over you. You gasp at how easily he is able to manipulate your body and how he’s currently looming over you, totally caging you in. It doesn’t help that the new angle allows him to drill his dick into you, reaching deeper than he ever did before because he was always so gentle with you.
“Fuck, Taehyun!” You cry out, clenching around him.
Curiously, you see his stormy eyes glaze over a bit at that and you smile internally as you realize just how you’re going to get to him.
“Good. So good.” You bite your lip, only needing to exaggerate a little bit.
The effect on him is immediate, his grip on your thighs tightening and his hips snapping into you faster as he focuses on drawing more moans out of you, and you happily give them to him. He bends down to kiss you sloppily, tongue prodding into your mouth and teeth biting at your lips. It’s a hungry kiss and you revel in it.
When he pulls back, he uses his thumb to wipe your mouth off. You think he’s just wiping off the saliva but when you see the way his eyebrows were furrowed, you realize he was actually smearing the lipstick Wonyoung put on you. Apparently, he’s still very much bothered by this.
To distract him, you wrap your lips around his thumb, sucking on it lewdly as you stare up at him. You hear him take in a sharp breath and his hips falter, no doubt thinking about all the times you had him in your mouth.
Quickly, you pop his thumb out of your mouth and blurt out, "Stop." Your heart squeezing a little at the way he listens right away.
"What’s wrong?" He pants, a little frown on his sweaty face.
"Nothing. Just didn’t want you to cum yet." You grin, and pull the shoulder of your dress down to reveal your breasts completely to him, making him groan.
“Now you’re just playing with me.”
“How did you know?” You smirk, loving this effect you’re having on him. It’s rare to feel wanted by Taehyun and you soak in it, wanting to prolong it as much as possible. “You can move again, darling.”
The little disgruntled frown remains on his face as he fucks you again. But this time, his gaze can’t help but stray down to watch your tits bounce with each thrust of his hips. Your poor lord looks mesmerized, and he works himself up to the edge without you having to do much. But since he is not loud like—
Since he is not loud, you have to rely on the changes in his breathing or the way he grips you harder when he gets closer in order to know when he’s about to cum. So when you notice the way he starts to strain, you order him to stop once more.
“Fuck!” He growls, "You're going to drive me mad."
"Maybe that’s what I want." You giggle, taking your breasts between your hands and playing with them provocatively. “Move.”
“You’re a mischievous little vixen.” He curses, but obediently ruts into you again, his thrusts getting sloppier each time you make him stop and start again.
When he lets go of one of your legs to reach for your breasts, you don’t let him. “No. You wanted me to keep my legs up, didn’t you?”
He only answers with one of his dissatisfied growls, grabbing your leg again, his fingers digging into your flesh so hard that you’re sure they’re going to leave a mark but you don’t mind. It will just be a reminder of how you made him lose control.
"You like them, don't you, my lord?” You purr, swirling your fingers around your nipples, making them pebble. “You could have them whenever you want, you know? To touch, to kiss, to fuck…"
And lose it he does, snapping his hips into you hard and fast, the wet sounds of your skin slapping against his filling the room. He has never used his strength on you like this before, and you have to admit that it really turns you on.
“Ah—Taehyun—fuck–” You scream, your hands flying out to grab onto his arms, the feeling of the muscles bulging under your fingers taking you right to the edge. “I’m so c-close.”
“Me too.” He grunts, beads of sweat falling down his face.
“No wait.” You pant, “You have to hold it.”
He shakes his head, his thrusts losing all sense of rhythm. "I can't."
"You can and you will." You hiss, moving a hand between your legs to rub at your clit and push yourself over the edge. But Taehyun smacks it away and replaces it with his own. You can’t even chastise him for it with the way his thumb blurs over your clit as he continues to fuck into you, making you finally cum.
“Oh, fuck—-oh, fuck–” You cry, shuddering as your orgasm tears through you. It feels so good cumming around him. It’s just not the same when it’s just your fingers. You’ve been so needy for him that your orgasm is hitting you harder than it usually does and your pussy keeps spasming around his cock.
“Fuck,” He grunts, feeling the effects of it. “Your pussy is fucking milking me. I can’t hold back.”
“No, you have to.” You insist, but he shakes his head. “I can’t.”
“No, no, you have to pull out.” You panic, pushing him away.
Luckily, he relents, because you never would’ve been able to push him off if he didn’t allow you to. As soon as his cock is out of you, it erupts, spurting cum all over your thighs and pussy and even your stomach. The sight is so lewd and his seed feels so warm against your skin that you can’t help but shudder in pleasure from it, riding the last wave of your orgasm, before you finally fall limp onto the bed.
You’re so busy catching your breath and recovering from the rough sex that you don’t notice the foul mood overtaking Taehyun until he speaks up.
“What was that about?” He asks, and you know you’re in trouble before you even understand what he’s talking about.
“What do you mean?” You gulp, pressing your legs together and pulling the shoulders of your dress back on, sensing that you’ll need to feel less exposed for what is about to come.
“Why do you never allow me to cum inside you?” He inquires as he tucks himself back in his pants.
Oh.
The tone of his voice makes it obvious that he already has an answer himself, and it’s probably the right one.
“I don’t want to get pregnant yet.” You answer, sitting up and fiddling with the tattered remains of your dress.
“And why not?” You can tell that he’s not enjoying the fact that you’re dragging this out and that it’s only making him angrier.
“How can I when I don’t know if I’ll be forced to go back to him? If he’s acting this insane over our marriage, imagine what he’d do if he found out I was pregnant?”
“But you’ve been doing this from the very start, even before you knew of his plan.”
“Yes but I always knew he wasn’t just going to let me go.” You argue, then try to deflect from the truth that he’s zeroing in on, “Why are you bringing this up anyway? Do you want to have a child with me right now?”
“Yes.” His automatic response makes you falter. So he’s reluctant to touch you or hold you or say something nice to you but he’s completely ready to knock you up?
“Why?”
“You’re my wife. We’re supposed to have children.” His answer fills you with a bitterness that fuels an ugly fury inside you that bursts out onto him. “Oh, of course. It’s to secure an heir. What else could it be? It’s certainly not because the sweet lord Taehyun actually wants to build a family with his wife that he loves. Oh wait, you don’t actually love me and I am an idiot for trying to hang onto every little action of yours to delude myself into thinking you ever will when you're clearly so fucked up, you’re not even capable of feeling love.”
“That’s not fair." He says quietly, but that only angers you more.
"You're right. What's fair would’ve been Beomgyu being able to marry me. What's fair would've been you loving me back." You yell out your frustration with him, with the world. "This most certainly isn't fair."
“Do you want me to say that I love you?” He rounds on you. You can sense his tension in the way every muscle of his body seems to be pulled taut. “Is that what’s going to make you happy? Is that what’s going to make you stop dreaming of him?”
“...What?”
He smiles bitterly. “You whisper his name in your sleep every damn night.”
Oh god. You’re a horrible human being.
“Taehyun, I’m so–”
“Do you still love him?"
You know what the answer is. He knows what the answer is. But you can’t bring yourself to say it out loud because what kind of person could still be in love with the man who imprisoned and raped them and is currently threatening their new family with death and destruction?
So you just keep quiet, and he laughs. “You might think that I’m fucked up and emotionless for not loving you but why would I love someone who is only here because she couldn’t get the man she really wants? You can ride up on your high horse all you want but I’m not going to sit here and let you act like the victim because I refuse to treat this like it’s more than it is.”
Your mouth drops open. You know you fucked up but this is beyond cruel, even from him.
“If that’s what you really think, then why did you even marry me?” You choke on your stupid useless tears, "Did you even mean it when you said that I was family?"
He scoffs, "Of course I did. I don’t know what kind of sentimental drivel you're talking about and that bitch is using to manipulate you, but you’re my wife, that makes you my family before gods and men."
You feel queasy as you realize how foolish you've been. You're not his family in the way you thought he meant. You're just his family like your father is your family, on paper and nothing else. Taehyun will never hold any sentiment towards you past what your official status is.
“God, I’m so stupid.” You croak, your eyes brimming with tears. You get off the bed, grabbing a coat and tying it around yourself to make yourself decent.
“Where are you going?” Taehyun asks, jumping to his feet too.
“Away from you.” You sob, eyes swelling up. "I can't even look at you right now."
“You’re going to run away again because you don’t like what I’m saying?” He shouts after you, “When are you going to grow up and face the real world?”
With your hand on the door handle you snap your head around to shout at him, “If all people in the real world are as heartless as you are then I’d rather go back and live in Beomgyu’s sheltered prison.”
Wrenching the door open, you freeze in place when you come face to face with a guard. He has a stricken look on his face as he holds his fist up as if he was just about to knock. He only pauses for a split second to look between your tearful face and Taehyun’s hard one, before he says, “My lord, we’ve found lord Jaeyun.”
_________________
It’s been a few days since Jaeyun has been found. Throughout this time, he’s been locked up in the cells under the castle as Taehyun interrogates him about his betrayal.
Surprisingly, he was very forthcoming with the details. You suppose it could be because he was hoping for a pardon, or maybe he just fears lying to Taehyun. Whatever the reason was, Taehyun relayed to you all that Jaeyun had to say, maybe in an effort to demonstrate how horrible Beomgyu is and how twisted his ways are.
Jaeyun said that he was being paid by Beomgyu to spy on you pretty much from the start and that they were hatching a plan together on how best to kidnap you and bring you back. But then Jaeyun overheard you talking to Kai about Taehyun having asked for your hand in marriage and how you seemed to be viewing it favorably. He knew that if you said yes, that the wedding would commence very rapidly, much like it did, so he decided to act early and snatch you up. He had planned to slip you out with the help of a few workers from the castle, but what he hadn’t anticipated was you having Taehyun’s dagger on you and managing to stab him with it, foiling his plan and sending him on the run.
Following Jaeyun’s confession, his other accomplices were arrested and imprisoned too. They were interrogated and told a similar story to Jaeyun’s, and when Taehyun was done getting all the information he wanted out of them, they were promptly put to death, with Jaeyun’s execution date to follow after.
“What is going on in there?” Wonyoung asks as she massages your scalp. "You're sulking."
You’ve been sleeping beside her for the past couple of nights because you can’t handle being alone right now. Kai was going through a mental breakdown. Taehyun was being distant as usual, and fully excluding you from the investigation. The only person in the castle who still talked to you was Wonyoung and so you spent your days with her, and then your nights, because the nights were the worst part. It’s when your brain would come up with the craziest, most paranoid ideas and keep you up with them until you felt like throwing yourself out the window.
Being with Wonyoung isn’t that much better. She took on that role for your brain, prattling on and on about how horrible Taehyun is and how much better Beomgyu is, how he’ll never give you the love Beomgyu can and that it’s only a matter of time until he turns on you, how he's getting crazier by the day, how at least Beomgyu took care of you and loved you while Taehyun treats you like shit and throws you to the side, how the one thing Taehyun had to offer–-which is power and control over your fate–is nowhere to be seen as he sidelines you and excludes you from Jaeyun’s trial that you have every right to be involved in seeing as it's all about you, so why are you still here?
It’s awful, the way her words keep festering in your brain like black mold. But it still beats being alone.
You glance at her to see that she has her full attention on you, her head propped on her elbow and her silky hair cascading down from it. You throw your head back on the pillow and sigh.
“Taehyun. I’m worried about him.” You say simply and she snorts, “You should be. You know he’s probably torturing Jaeyun right now? I tried to offer him something, anything, so he would release him but he refused. He just wants blood.”
“That’s not–” You wanted to say that that’s not something Taehyun would do. He doesn’t torture people for information, does he? You never talked about it before, but Taehyun doesn’t believe in mercy towards criminals, and he might think that it’s justifiable to hurt Jaeyun in order to extract information out of him.
Oh god…
Wonyoung was about to say something else when suddenly a furious knocking sounds at the door. You both sit up in shock, holding the covers up to your bodies to conceal yourselves from the unexpected midnight guest.
“Who is it?” You call out.
“It’s Taehyun.”
You and Wonyoung exchange a look, hers confused and yours nervous, before you say, “Come in.”
“You fucking bitch!” Taehyun snarls at Wonyoung as soon as he steps foot into the room. “You’re going to pay for this.”
“What are you talking about?” Wonyoung scoffs, and you second her sentiment more fearfully, “Taehyun, what is going on?”
You haven't seen him in days. You can barely see him now with only the moonlight shining through that makes the shadows under his eyes look even darker and deeper. He looks a mess.
“What’s going on is that she spread word about her brother’s threats! She told people that he is threatening war if you’re not returned to him, and that Jaeyun was only trying to prevent the war from breaking out by taking you back to him.” Taehyun yells, the veins in his neck bulging as he strains. “Now half my fucking court has turned against me and they’re demanding for Jaeyun to be freed and for you to be sent back to him.”
For a second, you believe it. For a second, it makes sense.
You look at Wonyoung in shock. How could she do this to you?
But Wonyoung just laughs incredulously. “You’ve gone fucking mad. See this is what I’m talking about. He’ll only get crazier.” She gestures at him to you, before telling him, “Why the hell would I do that when just being with you is enough to make her want to run away?
Once again, you feel guilty for having shared the issues you’ve been having with Taehyun with her but you can’t be discreet to save your life, and why should you anyway when he has demonstrated how little he cares for you? There wouldn’t be anything for her to find out about if he showed you even an ounce of affection.
“Bullshit! You obviously saw that your threats weren’t working so you did this to force me to let her go.”
“Not working?” She asks, snidely, “Your wife is sleeping in my bed while you sleep alone. In fact, she’s been by my side this whole time. So unless she was in on it too then when would I have even had the time to spread such a rumor?”
She’s right. You haven’t left her side ever since Jaeyun was found. She couldn’t have been the one to spread the half-rumor without you knowing.
Taehyun pauses at her question, and you can see the hesitance in his eyes. It hurts you more than anything he's ever said to you. That doubt in that second, no matter how infinitesimal, was too much for you to bear.
"Don't you dare." You spit venomously.
"I am not.” He rushes to make amends for his brief moment of distrust but it’s too late. Maybe it’s because of his constant indifference or downright meanness towards you. Maybe it’s because he still hasn’t apologized for what he said last time or attempted to make it better in any way, but this is the straw that finally breaks you.
“We aren’t the only three people who know about this and she’s not the one who is invested in saving Jaeyun. So before you go around accusing people, why don’t you consider who might actually benefit from spreading this?”
You regret your words the moment you utter them when a dark look passes over Taehyun's face. But it’s already out into the world and you can’t take it back now.
“I want you back in our room and not step foot out of it until I take care of this.” Taehyun orders you. “I’m going to have guards posted outside the room and some maids to accompany you to take care of you and to alert the guards in case anything happens.”
“What? You’re going to lock me up now?” You exclaim.
“It’s for your own safety.”
“Bullshit. I want to be by your side. I deserve to be involved in this.” You fight back, “Didn’t you promise that you’d let me? Or was that only when things were easy but now that things are getting a little difficult, you’re going back on your word?”
“A little difficult?” He asks incredulously, “We’re on the verge of war and now my whole court might betray me for you. I can’t let you go out there.”
“Well, I can’t just sit here, biting my fingernails and waiting for someone to take me away!”
“No one is going to take you away. I’ll protect you.”
“You mean you’ll lock her up.” Wonyoung interjects and he glowers at her. “Stay out of it.”
“Do you even know who you sound like right now?” You ask, not believing your ears. “This is just what Beomgyu did to me!”
That grabs his attention and not in a good way, his face morphing into the livid look you’re now used to as he advances on you. “Don’t fucking compare me to him. He locked you up so you wouldn’t escape from him. I’m keeping you guarded in a safe place until the danger blows over.”
“My brother did the same thing too, except the danger was you.” Wonyoung interrupts once more, “And he was right. Your court is after her and you’re keeping her here? Just let her go and she won’t be in danger anymore.”
“There would be nothing to protect her from if it weren’t for you and your brother!” Taehyun growls at her.
“I’m not going to do it.” You proclaim, shaking your head resolutely. “I refuse to be kept in the dark anymore. I would be safest around you anyway so why are you locking me away from you?”
He hesitates, seemingly hiding something from you. “I’m sorry but you’re going to have to.”
So you latch onto it. “Why? What is going on, Taehyun?”
“Nothing.” He snaps, then sighs at the hurt look on your face. “I’m going to take care of everything. I just need you to stay in the room.”
“Are you going to force me?” You challenge, looking him in the eye but he averts his gaze, his jaw clenched. “I’m sorry.”
You scoff dejectedly. "Then if I have to be locked up, I want to be with her."
"No!" He shouts, "She is his sister. She's behind all of this. I can’t leave you alone with her anymore. She's clearly infecting your mind."
"You mean telling her the truth?" Wonyoung counters, but Taehyun doesn’t entertain her blows anymore.
“I do not have time for this. Come with me.”
____________________________________________
So after all his talk about how terrible Beomgyu is and how it wasn’t his right to make decisions for you, those same actions are suddenly okay now that he’s the one doing it?
Taehyun doesn’t even have the courage to face you. He only comes around for a few moments each day to check up on you to make sure no one tried to harm you or take you, and then he runs away again before you can confront him. He doesn’t even come to sleep in the room anymore.
Every time he comes around, he looks more tired and gaunt than the last time you saw him. You realize just how much of a toll this whole thing must be taking on him. He has to contend with so many things at once–Wonyoung’s surprise visit, Beomgyu’s threats, your fight, Jaeyun’s trial, and now half his court turning on him. Things couldn’t be going worse for him and it shows.
Despite his cold and callous words to you, you can’t help but want to take him in your arms and soothe him every time you see him, to brush his hair and run your hands down his back while you rock him to a slumber he very much needs. He looks so high-strung right now that you’re so afraid he’s going to snap.
But being locked up in your room like this is making you go slightly insane. You can’t help but replay Wonyoyng's words in your mind, and they keep getting louder and more convincing every time.
You try to argue against them at first, fighting her words with his– he's only keeping you here for your own safety, he’ll let you go once the trial is over and things have calmed down. But the other part of your brain, the paranoid part, wonders if this is just the beginning, if he’ll keep you locked up so you won’t go back to Beomgyu. Yes, he had told you before that he’ll let you go if you want to but that was before you became his wife. He’s willing to risk everyone’s lives in order to keep you because of that, who’s to say he won’t keep you against your will too?
Eventually, you don’t have the mental power to argue anymore, your brain getting so addled with worry and dread that they infect any rational thought that tries to formulate and mutate it into a grotesque thing.
Being stuck here, so separate from everything and left to make up your own horror versions of what’s happening on the outside–you have nothing to do but worry about Taehyun and worry about what he might do. He's not in his right mind right now and that scares you. A regular Taehyun is already scary enough. You don't want to see what an out of control Taehyun is capable of.
_______________________________
Despite how slow the time seems to pass and how long those few days stretch on, it all comes to a head soon enough when you, along with Wonyoung and every lord in the castle, get summoned to the courtroom where Taehyun announces that Jaeyun will be beheaded in front of everyone.
Somehow, reality turned out even worse than your paranoid imagination made it out to be.
It's apparently his response to the rumor, his warning to every lord who would think to betray him like Jaeyun did. And the cherry on top? The execution is to be carried out by Kai–the secondary traitor.
As soon as he announces it, the court falls into disarray, voices going up in either protest or approval, talking over each other. But you can’t focus on what anyone is saying, even Wonyoung who is right next to you. You can only see Taehyun, everything else fading into a blur around you as you rush towards him, grabbing onto his arms and whispering so no one else can hear you, "You can't be serious, Taehyun."
But there is no hint of reluctance or doubt in his steel gray eyes. "I would never kid in such matters."
You take in a shuddered breath, horrified. "Have mercy on him. For your brother."
“My brother is the one who spread the rumor about you.”
“I forgive him.” You rush to say, but Taehyun doesn’t bend. “I don't. When he betrayed you, he betrayed me as well."
“But why does he have to be the one to do it?" You plead, searching his eyes for any hint of mercy but finding none. He’s the picture of the ruthless lord you’ve always been told about, refusing to bend even for family.
“He needs to pay for what he did. He needs to prove to me that when it comes down to it, he can put his feelings behind and do the right thing.”
‘Have you put your feelings so far behind that you can’t find them anymore?’ You want to ask, but you know that antagonizing him right now wouldn’t help anymore. So instead you try to reason with him. “But this will turn your lords against you. It will ruin everything we’ve been working on so far.”
Finally, a speck of emotion shines in his steely gaze, but it’s anger, the only emotion he seems to be able to freely express. “It’s already ruined. I did what you wanted and yet they turned on me and you anyway. They want me to surrender you back to him.”
“They’re just scared. All they need is assurance that we’re not going to lead them to their death. If you kill Jaeyun now, you’ll just prove to them that you’re willing to kill them for me. This is the time to show them that you’ve changed, that you’re willing to embrace and protect them.”
“No, this is the time I show them that whoever crosses me will die by my sword. I’m done embracing.” He says with finality and turns away from you towards Kai who you hadn’t seen before because he was huddled in the corner.
"Step forward, brother." Taehyun orders him.
But Kai doesn’t. Instead he looks at you.
“Please, do something.” Kai begs you, “He listens to you. Tell him to call this off.”
Your breath catches in your throat as you look at Taehyun who, in turn, was looking at you. He could tell Kai off like he usually does but instead he stands there quietly and waits for your response. You know that this is a test. After all the conflict between you two, this is the ultimate test–just like it is for Kai. He wants you to prove in front of everyone that you’re loyal to him. If you don’t back him up, he’ll know that you’re not the woman he thought you were.
It’s unfair that he would do this to you in front of everyone where you can’t argue against him. Because if you do, you’d be letting those lords who turned on you know that there is a rift between you and Taehyun. Kai is already publicly not on his brother’s side, half of the lords aren’t. If you too stand against him, it would weaken his position greatly. That’s what he doesn’t seem to understand. He’s so caught up in his rigid morality and tyrannical sense of justice that he doesn’t understand or doesn’t want to grasp the nuances that come with political warfare.
But you do, and that’s why you have no choice but to stand by him even if you know that by doing that you might just be proving to those lords that their deaths will come at your hand. But the flipside to that would be you basically showing another crack in Taehyun’s leadership and making him even more vulnerable. He will do what he wants anyway and his lords will still turn on him, even more so knowing that there is discord between you. If a pardon is to come, it has to come from Taehyun only and he won’t give it. You need to act as one unit or this whole thing goes down.
So, schooling your expression, you pull yourself together and stand tall, talking clearly so everyone would hear you, "Lord Taehyun is right. The traitor has to be executed."
Kai looks at you in horror and you know you have to say something to get him onboard too, so you’d patch up Taehyun’s front again.
"It’s unfortunate. He was a dear friend to us all, but he betrayed us.” You speak to everyone and then direct your last comment to Kai, “Sometimes we’re forced to do the painful thing to uphold the law and protect those we love."
Kai’s expression suddenly alters. He forces down his sobs and arranges his face into a wooden mask. After wiping his face dry, he gives you a meaningful look as he holds his hand out for the axe, and you know that this is the end for you and Kai. There is no coming back from this.
Taehyun gives you a questioning look as Kai takes the axe and walks up to a kneeling Jaeyun, but you pretend you don’t see it.
"Kai, please don't do this." The dead man begs for his life but Kai manages to keep his cool. “I’m sorry.”
You hear the sobs of the man as his head is lowered on the chopping block. You want to look away but you remember Taehyun’s words. Always look the man you’re passing the sentence unto in the eye. You owe him that much.
You stand next to Taehyun, another show of solidarity. You see him cast a sideways glance at you, and you can tell even from that that he’s happy with what you’re doing. But unlike all those times before, you don’t feel proud about it. You don’t feel like you’re proving yourself. You don’t feel strong or confident. You just feel cruel. But you have to stand by him. You’d be risking his life if you don’t.
“Any last words?” Taehyun asks, looking ahead, and you take this opportunity to glance around the room, gleaning how everyone is feeling right now. You see all manner of reactions–some horrified, some vindicated, some confused, some scared, and one looking faint. Wonyoung. Is she going to be okay? You wish Taehyun didn’t include her in this but you know that this is as much for her benefit as anyone. He wants to send her a message that she’s not going to succeed in turning his lords against him because anyone who does will be put to death. Whether that works or just turns his lords more against him is yet to be seen.
“She’s going to be the death of all of you.” Are Jaeyun’s chosen words before Kai swings the axe.
You’ve never seen a beheading before. Most executions back at the palace are done through hanging, and even those you’ve never attended. Beomgyu would’ve never subjected you to that. It’s not even something you would’ve ever imagined you’d have to see, let alone be the one decreeing it.
But you do know that this isn’t how it’s supposed to be performed. You’ve heard that the head is supposed to be chopped off in one blow, but because of Kai’s inexperience, the axe doesn’t manage to cut through Jaeyun’s neck the first time, and he has to deliver two more blows, tears springing back to his cheeks as he heaves and his friend’s blood and tissue spatter over him, before the head is finally severed.
It’s a horrifying scene. You think you’d be kind of used to it because of the frequent hunting trips you took with Taehyun but it’s not the same. To watch someone’s head hanging onto their body by the remaining pieces of flesh from their neck while their own best friend struggles to decapitate them is an experience more horrifying that you could’ve ever imagined.
Taehyun always made sure that you kill the animals quickly and with minimal suffering. This was neither quick, nor free of suffering–not for Kai, not for Jaeyun, and not for anyone watching it. You can see the look of disgust on their faces, some of them turning away all together. Poor Wonyoung even faints and has to be pulled away by her servants.
But none is hit as hard as Kai, who rushes to a corner and throws up. You hear him heaving and gagging as you watch Jaeyun’s severed head lying on the floor in a pool of his own blood. You can’t stop staring at it as the room swirls with whispers around you.
You state into his unblinking eyes, and you imagine you can see a look of blame in them.
“You did this.” They seem to say. “You killed me.”
You don't cry. You don’t deserve to cry for him. You just feel cold, so cold.
This isn’t what you wanted at all. You never meant to hurt anyone. But you know that this is just the beginning of the bloodshed.
Now it’s Kai. Will it be you next?
Will Taehyun one day force you to kill someone you love too? Will he make you kill Beomgyu? Or will your head be on the chopping block instead?
__________________________
As you’re walked back to your room by your guards, you can’t see the floor or the walls, you can’t hear your footsteps, you can’t smell the sea breeze. All you can see is Jaeyun’s butchered body. All you can hear are the hacking sounds of the axe. All you can smell is blood.
Is Taehyun really that heartless? Beomgyu killed his father and brother too but he didn’t force Wonyoung to kill them. And he did it to protect her. He did it to get you back. Taehyun did it to send a message. He made his brother do it and he made you all watch.
And if Taehyun is just as bloody as Beomgyu, then what’s the point of you being here?
You’re sitting on your bed when Taehyun comes into the room–the maids must’ve put you there. He doesn’t say anything to you, just starts changing, unbuttoning his shirt and slipping it off before he unlaces his boots and takes them off too. His pants are the last to go before he grabs a pair of sleep pants and puts them on.
You just watch him in silence until he speaks up.
“You’re still wearing your dress? Aren’t you going to change before bed?”
Bed? But it’s still—
Oh. It’s night, you realize as you gaze out the window. You must’ve been sitting here all day.
You look down to the dress you’re wearing, and jump when you see specks of blood on its loathsome beige color. They were barely there, having already turned brown with time, but they make you nauseous still.
You start heaving at the sight, visions of Jaeyun’s blood spurting from the deep gashes in his neck flashing across your vision, and try to tear the dress off, but you’re so frantic you can’t undo it correctly.
Seeing your struggle, Taehyun rushes to you, “Here, let me–”
“Don’t touch me!” You shout at him. Taehyun jumps back right away, frozen, and watches you paw at the knots holding your dress together until, at length, you manage to get it off, letting it fall on the floor. Once you’re naked, you slowly calm down again, wrapping your hands around yourself to shield yourself from his eyes and the cold breeze.
Taehyun silently goes to your wardrobe as you stand there shaking, and pulls out a nightgown. He hands it to you, making sure not to touch you.
Once you slip it on, he speaks up. “I did what I had to do.”
“That’s what he said too.”
“Stop fucking comparing me to him!” He demands agitatedly, fully knocking you out of your stupor. “What was I supposed to do? Let him live and undermine myself? Show the rest of the lords that I’m not only risking war but that I’m a spineless ruler who just pardons traitors?”
“You didn’t have to pardon him.” You say quietly, but gain strength as you go on. “You could’ve stripped him of his titles and lands and exiled him. That would’ve scared your lords enough.”
“Not enough. You didn’t hear them.” He sighs heavily, “And didn’t you stand by my ruling?”
"I only did it so your men wouldn’t think we’re a divided front. I didn’t want them to see any more weakness in you, but if you think I agree with the butchery you orchestrated out there then you’re sorely mistaken.” You say scathingly.
"So just because he's a lord means he gets to live while the other men who helped him get executed? How is that fair?"
"It's not fair!” You shriek, frustrated. “But life is not fair and you have to stop being so dense about it. Can’t you see that you’re only sabotaging yourself by being stubborn? Beomgyu will win if you don't wisen up. You might get killed. Even Kai might get killed! I know you don’t care about my feelings, but don’t you care about his?"
“His feelings are what got us into this in the first place.” Taehyun spits out, “He let Jaeyun escape. He spread that rumor about you. He is fighting to make me give you up. How can that not upset you?”
“Of course it upset me.” You take in a shuddering breath, that particular wound he’s prodding at still open and tender. “But I would never have forced him to do something this heinous. It was cruel and inhumane to Kai, to Jaeyun! Kai didn’t even know how to do it. If you can gather up enough sympathy for an animal so as to give it a merciful death, couldn’t you have done the same for someone you once considered your friend? For your brother?” You ask him in disbelief, “For yourself? Those lords will now think that if they stay by you, they’ll end up with their heads chopped off too. You need to listen to me–”
“Why? Because you know so well how to rule, right?” He mocks cruelly, his steely eyes piercing into you. “The only experience you have with ruling is being that bastard’s plaything while he stands on the side of actual rulers. I, on the other hand, am a real lord. You think I need you? I’ve been handling my own people just fine before you came along.”
His words dig deep at you and you press your lips together to keep them from wobbling. You were more than familiar with Taehyun’s harsh manner by now but he has never made you feel like you’re below him before this moment. “I didn’t say–”
“Don’t cry. I hate it when you cry.” His words may have sounded sweet if it weren’t for the way he hurled them at you. He’s not pleading with you to stop crying in the apologetic way Beomgyu does when he says that. No, he says them spitefully, scornfully, hammering home how lowly he thinks of you. “Can’t we have one discussion without you dissolving into tears?”
“Can’t you act like a fucking compassionate human being for one second?” You counter.
“If you don’t like who I am then why did you choose me?”
“Because I didn’t know you’d turn out to be this way.” You blurt out, laying out all your true feelings because what’s the point of holding them back anymore? It’s not like you have any dignity left to preserve. “They all told me how cruel you are but I didn’t want to believe them because–stupid me–I thought they misunderstood you. I thought they were just saying that because of Beomgyu, and that you’ll turn out to be a sweet prince underneath the beast just like in my fairytale books. I wanted so desperately to believe that because for the first time in my life, someone other than Beomgyu actually looked at me, and I couldn’t bear the thought that underneath the savage exterior, I would still only find a beast. Because what would that say about me? That the only two men who ever showed any interest in me are both monsters?”
Taehyun stays quiet, his face not letting on anything he’s feeling, if he’s even feeling anything at all. You wipe your tears away as you catch your breath, they’re good for nothing anyway. “If you want to continue this war, then you can do it without me. You don’t need me anyway, right? And if I have to choose between two monsters, I choose Beomgyu.”
You expect him to get angry–to call you a coward, a traitor, weak… all kinds of names to express his anger and disappointment at you for “giving up”. Maybe he wouldn’t even let you go because you’re his wife now. You belong to him and he’s not going to let you let Beomgyu prevail. But his actual response leaves you baffled.
"That's not what you’re supposed to say." He says in a small voice, so unlike him, and you look at him in confusion, his words sounding familiar for some reason. “What?”
"You’re supposed to say you chose me because you liked me.” He starts and, again, you’re perplexed by what he’s trying to say. “You’re supposed to say it’s because you thought I was different from him, that you saw something in me. Or is it only me that is supposed to care?”
Realization slowly dawns on you. He’s using your own words against you.
“You go on and on about how I don’t show you affection but I have been all this time!” He exclaims, advancing on you. “I did so much for you but you don’t even see it. I’m changing for you. I’m going against my brother for you. I’m risking my entire city for you. What have you done for me?”
You gasp, affronted. “I left my life at the palace for you. I gave everything up. I slaughtered fucking animals. I condemned a man to death. I–”
“No, you did all of that for you.” He sneers, “You just admitted it. You came here because you wanted to believe that you could be more than they made you out to be. You wanted me for my power and influence.”
“So what?” You whimper sourly, feeling exposed. “Is it so wrong not to want to be just the whore anymore?”
“No, but don’t pretend like it was ever about me. Any other man would’ve done it for you."
“That’s not true.” You shake your head vehemently, your budding tears flying off your lashes.
"You know what you said when the princess first came?” He smiles sardonically, “You said you can’t go back because it would create a scandal. You never said you wanted to stay for me.”
Your face falls as you recall your words, finally realizing the full meaning behind his agitation that day. “T–Taehyun I… I didn’t mean t-that. I was just–” You blubber, your sentences getting cut off by your pathetic, self-pitying sniffles. How could you have been so blind? You had been so preoccupied with your own feelings that day–your shock at seeing the princess, your homesickness, your longing for Beomgyu, your estrangement from Taehyun… You only saw yourself and your actions for how they relate to you, you didn’t consider that Taehyun might see those same actions and be hurt by them. It sounds ridiculous but you truly were unconscious to any of it, and isn’t that worse?
“You say I don’t care but from day one, you’re the one who showed me that you didn’t care. You don’t even notice how much you hurt me. You never even stop to think how your actions would affect me. You think it’s easy being with someone who is still in love with their past lover? To hear you whisper his name every night? To see you parade the gifts he bought you in my own home? To see plainly that you didn’t actually want to marry me or have a child with me?”
No, you didn’t think of it at all.
But he also never let on how any of it was affecting him. He was always so cold and distant, and when you’d try to express the slightest affection towards him, he would rebuff you more often than not. How were you to know what he was thinking or feeling? He always treated your own feelings as if they were an inconvenience so how could you have known that he felt anything other than annoyance towards your actions?
“I didn’t think you cared.” You admit quietly. “You were always so closed off so how would I have known? Hell, when I said I loved you, you just stood there and stared at me! I tried to reach out but you’d always end up pushing me away. If you cared, why didn’t you show it?”
“But I did!” He protests, “I tried to be gentler. I tried to show more affection. These things just don’t come easy to me so I tried to show them in my own way. You think if anyone else dared to question my commands as often as you do, I would’ve just let them? You think I would change my entire way of ruling for just anyone?”
“That’s really romantic–” You scoff, rolling your eyes, but he cuts you off heatedly, “You think I would give just any woman my mother’s wedding dress?”
That gives you pause, and he sighs, exasperated. He looks like he doesn’t want to say more, like it physically pains him to get the words out, but he does.
“That dress is the only thing I have left of my mother. It’s my single most treasured possession. I’m not a sentimental kind of man, but I’ve kept that dress for years because it’s the only thing that connects me to her. I never let anyone even touch it before… It’s also the only nice thing I own and I know how much these things mean to you. And I wanted you to feel beautiful on your wedding day.”
The flood of tears on your cheeks slowly trickles into sporadic drops as you take in what he’s saying. You haven’t even given that dress much thought beyond the morbid knowledge that it belonged to a dead woman. You hadn’t considered how much it means to him or why he had given it to you. Truthfully, you had just assumed that he didn’t care and that’s why he gave you an old dress that belonged to his dead mother instead of making you a new one.
“But–why didn’t you say so?” You ask helplessly, desperately hoping he’d give you an explanation that would make sense of his elusive ways. Why did he have to make it so hard? “If that’s how you feel then why couldn’t you have just told me instead of treating me so dreadfully and hoping I’d figure it out somehow? Why couldn’t you just be honest with me? Why do you always take one step forward and ten steps back?”
“Because I’m scared!” He shouts, wild eyed, and you clamp up. Once again, he leaves you utterly stunned. Taehyun scared? Of what? You?
He racks his hand through his hair apprehensively, and takes in a deep breath, looking away from you as he speaks, shame clashing with his strong features, “I’m so fucking scared because of how weak you make me feel–like I’d do anything you want if you just asked me to, and I’ve never been that kind of man before. I looked down on that man! I was always in control, always had my head on straight, but you come here and you turn my life upside down and make me do things I could’ve never even considered before, and I let you because I want you to be happy…and that idea fucking terrifies me more than anything so I–I pull back or lash out because you made me feel all those things…. You make me feel and that scares the shit out of me.” He looks at you helplessly, like he’s lost at sea and only you can guide him back to shore. “And it’s all the worse because I know you’re not happy. It’s not me you want. This isn’t where you want to be. I can reach into my chest and pull my own heart out and give it to you and you still wouldn’t be happy.”
His words leave you breathless. This is the first time you’ve seen how much you got to him. You always thought he just didn’t care. You never, in a million years, thought that you could ever actually hurt him, and with it comes an immense sense of guilt because is he wrong? Will you ever be happy here? Is it him that you want?
“You know what the fucked up thing is?” He asks, finally looking at you, “This is exactly why I chose you.”
“What?” You frown, yet again not understanding what he’s getting at. You always knew that he kept his thoughts and feelings to himself but you never, before today, realized just how much of a stranger he is to you. This man is your husband and yet there is so much you don’t know about him.
“I wanted someone who would never love me.”
“But that doesn’t make any sense.” You shake your head in denial, “Why would anyone want that?”
How could that be true? You’ve spent your entire life chasing after love. Your life is consumed by it. You can’t fathom someone purposely sabotaging themselves so they wouldn’t get it.
“Because I didn’t think I deserved love.” He says simply, a small smile on his face that makes your heart break. “If I did then god wouldn’t have taken my mother away from me and left me with him.”
“Don’t say that!” You protest heatedly, your feet carrying you to him and you grab onto his shoulders, shaking him. “Your father is the one who killed your mother. You had nothing to do with it.”
“But she died because of me. My father killed her during one of their fights over me.” He reveals defeatedly, like he actually believes it. “He killed her right in front of me and he held my head and made me look at her so I would see what I’ve done.”
Is that… is that why Taehyun insists on looking the people he condemns to death in the eyes?
Taehyun doesn’t shed any tears, you suspect they’ve been beaten out of him long ago, but you can plainly see the distraught on his face and you pull him towards you, letting him wrap his arms around you and rest his head upon your shoulder.
You stand there for a long time, giving him the space to grief while you run your hands soothingly along his spine and whisper reassurances to him. Maybe your words will mean nothing compared to what he’s been telling himself for years, but you’ll be damned if you don't try. No one deserves what he went through. He was just a kid and he was made to go through so much misery because of that despicable man. You can’t imagine what the weight of believing you’re the reason your own mother died could do to a child. Now you understand more clearly why Taehyun is the way he is.
“It’s not your fault, Taehyun. You had nothing to do with it. That devil is the one who killed her. She loved you very much and he wanted to take that away from you, but he can’t. He can’t take your mother’s love from you or anyone’s. You deserve to be loved.” You go on and on, gently trying to console him and he lets you, holding onto you tightly all the while, and only pulling back when you tell him that you love him.
“I know that you love him too.” He says and you open your mouth to protest, but he hushes you. “And I won’t lie and say that that doesn’t hurt, but I knew what I was getting into when I chose you. I knew you loved someone else and I never thought that you’d ever love me so I can’t turn around and blame you for it now. But that didn't stop me from foolishly trying to gain your love anyway. And when you told me that you loved me… I wanted to be a man deserving of your love. I wanted you to choose me.”
“I want you to choose me.” He props your chin up with his finger. You look into his stormy eyes and it’s like he’s finally allowing you to see all the turmoil inside–all the fear, uncertainty, anger, affection…
But when he leans in, seeking to capture your mouth with his, you put your hand to his chest to keep him at bay, and the hurt he regards you with is strong enough to rip you apart. You realize that Taehyun, whether he knows it consciously or not, is depending on you to prove to him that he is worthy of love. Maybe he thinks if you chose him over Beomgyu then that would prove his father wrong, and while you do love him, that’s an unfair burden to put on you. You love him but he can’t depend on you to fix a lifelong complex that you weren’t even part of.
“I love you Taehyun.” You repeat emphatically, “I’m sorry that I hurt you and I’m sorry and that I was too selfish to even see it, and I’m sorry for how the world has been treating you. You don’t deserve what happened to you, but none of that excuses what you did today. You don’t get to treat people cruelly just because you’ve had the same happen to you.”
He lets out a pained sigh, his hand dropping from your face. “I know. It’s just… they were pressuring me.”
"Who?"
"The other lords, the half that is supposed to be loyal to me.” He holds his head down like he has failed. “They kept telling me that you’re controlling me. That I've gone soft because of you…"
Your face falls as you realize where this is going. You’ve been working so hard to help him gain the favor of the men who opposed him, that you didn’t even realize how that might turn the others who were more comfortable with his way of governance against him.
"I've already lost half my court because of the rumor and now the others were turning on me. I had to keep you away to show them that I wasn't doing it for you. To protect you. But I was also doing it for myself. I hated myself for how much I was letting you change me and I hated you for making me. I needed to do something on my own. To prove to myself and to them that I wasn't just following you."
Taehyun looks at you with fear and despair in his eyes. You’re not used to such emotions from him. In this moment, he looks nothing like the strong and even cruel warlord everyone knows, and more like a scared young man who has been forced to take on much more than anyone could handle from such a young age. He had to grow up too fast, to toughen up, so he could survive his father and protect his brother and his people. He was taught that he was unlovable and that love itself was a sign of weakness that had to be beaten out of him, that showing any hint of emotion is a chink in his armor that others could use in order to stab him where he’s weak.
So of course when he found himself softening, as his lords described, he freaked out and had to pull himself together. It all makes sense now… but still, it doesn’t justify what he’s done.
“Then you didn’t have to make Kai do it. You could’ve just executed him discreetly like his accomplices and not made your brother have to face such a gruesome scene. You of all people should know that." The last part makes him flinch, but you needed to say it. You needed him to realize that what he did wasn’t much different from what his father had done to him. You need him not to become his father.
“I know…” He holds his head in his hands shamefully, “But I was mad at him, for not having my back, for making me choose between my wife and my brother. I know I fucked up but he should’ve had my back, damn it!”
“He just wants to protect you.” You say gently, “You’re his only family.”
“That’s selfish.”
“Maybe it is, But is it not also selfish to insist on keeping me around even though it’s risking the lives of everyone else? To put the little people you’d sworn to protect lives in danger because of one woman?”
“You know I would do it for anyone.” He says and you smile sadly, but then he grabs you in his arms, pulling you close to him, and continues, “But you’re not just any woman. You’re my wife. My family.”
You know he means it. You really are his family. You see that now.
But you can’t accept it. He has a lot of feelings for you, even if he can’t label them in a way that would satisfy you, and those feelings are causing him to latch onto you and refuse to let you go, even if it meant that everyone else would get hurt because of it. So you have to be the pragmatic one here and do what would be best for everyone else. It’s only fitting that you have to be the one to make the sacrifice since you’re the one who put everyone in danger in the first place.
“I can’t, Taehyun. If you can’t let me go for your people then I’ll be the one to go.” You try to push him away again but he holds onto you. “Taehyun, let me go. You can’t fight this war. It was a stupid idea to begin with but now that your entire court has turned against you, your chances of holding him off are nonexistent. If you try to go to war with him, your lords might turn against you and kill you themselves.”
But Taehyun shakes his head. “What I have done may have been gruesome but I know it satisfied those loyal to me and got them back on my side. It proved to them that I’m still the man they had sworn their fealty to. And if I do some damage control, I can show the rest that this need not happen to them if they just remain faithful, and in exchange for their loyalty, I could offer them even more privileges.”
“That may have worked before but now you’d have to give them something huge. What are you going to offer them that Beomgyu can’t double?” You’re highly skeptical but you entertain his idea for a moment, maybe he actually has something up his sleeve.
But then he speaks and dashes any little hope you had. “I’ll think of something.”
“We don’t have time.”
“Just give a little bit more.” He pleads, “I command a huge army and I control the only harbor in the kingdom. The capital depends on this trade route greatly and they can’t even form an effective siege against me since I could get provisions by sea. I know he’s more powerful but I am not an easy opponent and if I get my court back on my side, and if you stand by me, maybe we can gather even more supporters from other cities."
"But the best case scenario for that would be a full on civil war. It would be a bloodbath that would tear the kingdom apart." You exclaim. You appreciate his staunch intent to protect you, but you’re not worth the loss of life. Your life is not worth more than any of the people who would die for you.
"It might not have to go that far. He's only threatening us. He hasn't attacked yet. He could be bluffing. We're not the only ones who stand to lose a lot in this after all."
"It's too much of a gamble, Taehyun. Especially when I know I could stop all of this by just surrendering myself to him." You try to squirm out of his hold, but he clutches onto you. “No, please stay.”
You freeze, looking at him with wide eyes. This is exactly what you’ve been craving to hear from him all this time. He has finally said it. He’s finally showing you that he wants you.
“Don’t leave me.” He urges, and you cup his cheeks, staring into his panicked eyes. “Oh, Taehyun. How I have longed to hear you say that.” You pull him to a kiss so passionate it feels like it’s your first. In a way, it is. It’s your first kiss after he showed you just how much he truly wants you. It’s raw and wild, a clash of lips and tongues that leaves you consumed in the wake of it.
“But–”
“No, no buts.” He protests, trying to kiss you again but you keep him at bay with your hands on his face. You can’t let him kiss you like that again. You’re not sure if you’d have the power to refuse him if he did. “But I can’t. It’s not fair to your people.”
“I don’t care.” He proclaims, but you can see that he’s visibly fighting with himself. “All my life I have been sacrificing what I want for the sake of everyone else, for my people, for Kai, and yet no one is satisfied. Why can’t I do what I want for once?”
You smile sadly. “Because it’s not you. And even though you want this now, you might hate yourself for it later when you realize how much you’ve lost for me.” You pause for a second, taking a moment to memorize his face, your thumb brushing over his prominent cheekbone. “So if I have to be the one to make this decision for you then–”
"I love you!" He blurts out, stealing the breath from your lungs. You turn to stone in his arms, letting him overtake you and wrap his arms more tightly around you.
"What?" You wonder how you have the breath to ask with no air in your lungs, your heart the only organ in your body still working, and it’s going into overdrive.
"I-I love you?" He repeats unsurely.
"Is that a question?" You ask in a high pitched voice, and his panic rises. He looks frightened. "I don't know."
"You can't just say that.” You wail, hitting his chest with your fists angrily, tearfully. “You can't just say you love me just to make me stay."
Is this how little he thinks of your feelings? To just use them as a way to manipulate you into staying? He really does resemble Beomgyu even if he’s loath to admit it. But at least Beomgyu actually meant it when he said it.
"I don’t know. I don’t know." He blabbers, distraught, and grabs your wrists to stop you from hitting him, keeping you close to him. You can do nothing but whimper pathetically. "You can't do this to me."
“I know, I’m sorry. I just… just please let me try. If I can’t protect you and my city then you can go.” He pleads, looking into your eyes to try to convince you–the choppy gray of his irises is not calm, but it doesn’t look so dangerous right now. It pulls you in and pushes you around, but it doesn’t swallow you down. It just forces you to feel his turmoil, forces you to feel his pain, and soon you’re too tired to keep fighting it.
“I don’t think I can hold Wonyoung off for long so you better figure it out soon.” You say and he smiles widely. Well, as widely as the circumstances allow, and it diminishes even more when you continue, “And I want you to make it right with Kai."
He lets your wrists go in lieu of holding you at the waist. “He’s not going to accept any apologies from me unless it’s accompanied by sending you away.”
“I know but he still needs to hear it.”
“Okay, I will talk to him in the morning.” He sighs and leans down to kiss you but you turn your head to the side so he ends up just landing a peck on your cheek. “Let’s go to bed. We’ve had a long week.”
You let him lead you to bed, pulling the covers up for you then draping them over you before going to lie down on his own side of the bed.
You force your eyes closed, hoping to actually get some sleep despite the storm of emotions flooding your body.
Of course, it doesn’t work. You’re anxious and cold and you feel like you’re being watched. Opening your eyes, you see Taehyun staring at you.
“You’re staring.” You say simply.
“Aren’t you cold?” He asks tentatively. You may not have noticed it before but, after your previous discussion, you know that this is his way of asking you if you want to cuddle.
You sigh and move closer to him, wrapping your arms around him and he does the same. Maybe you’re a bigger idiot than he is.
“Thank you.” He says, burying his nose in your hair and you hum, resting your cheek over his shoulder and basking in his solid warmth. You didn’t know how much you needed this in order to calm down until he calls your name and you realize you had almost fallen asleep.
“Yeah?” You answer softly.
"Do you remember us meeting as kids?"
You frown. "You mean when we played a prank on your father?"
"No. After that. I visited again after."
You pull your head up to look at him in confusion. "What are you talking about?"
"I visited the palace another time after that.” He recounts, “I immediately sought you and the prince out to see what kind of trouble you were getting up to this time, and I found you playing at the lake, splashing each other with the dirty water, not caring how you’re ruining your expensive clothes with your merriment."
You remember that, or rather you remember the countless times you and Beomgyu played or swam in that lake. They were blissful days, so full of joy and contentment. The warmth of the memory is in direct contrast to the chill of the castle around you and it drives you to seek the heat of Taehyun’s body. You pull yourself tighter against him, but you’re already almost flushed together, and yet this pales in comparison to your memories of being surrounded by Beomgyu’s scalding heat.
You don’t know if Taehyun notices the small, involuntary frown on your face or if he knows the reason behind it, but he doesn’t comment on it, and he continues, “I watched you two from the shadows for a while, marveling at how you two were allowed to just be children, how much joy you took in each other’s company. You were there, all by yourselves, playing in that lake and you looked the happiest anyone can be.”
You really were. You’d give anything to go back to those days when it was just you and Beomgyu and no one else. When nothing else mattered but you. You feel so wrong thinking it when you were in the arms of your husband and Beomgyu was probably in his own spouse’s bed, but it’s true. Will you ever be as happy as you were back then again?
“I wanted that.” Taehyun says, jostling you out of your forlorn inquiry. “My father never allowed me to run around or play with other children. I never got to get my clothes dirty or play pranks or mess up like any other kid, and I wanted to be a child too for once. So I walked out of the shadows towards you. You were the first one to notice me. You stopped playing and looked at me with a sort of fear, but you still looked so cute, like a mischievous chubby-cheeked little cherub who was caught messing around.”
You flush at the fond way he looks at you. “I must've been scared you’d rat us out. Which is stupid now that I think of it because everyone must’ve known that Beomgyu and I played together. Why else would my dress be drenched in muddy lake water at the exact same time his clothes were.” You snort, just now realizing how foolish you’d been. But then again, you were just children.
“Well, after you stopped, so did her, and that’s when he saw me. He pulled you behind him and asked me what I wanted while he gave me his meanest look.” He laughs and you smile. The idea of little Beomgyu glaring down little Taehyun was oddly endearing. “That’s when I asked if I could join. You’d both look surprised at that, like you didn’t know what to say, but then you smiled and said sure but that I must keep it a secret.”
You laugh at that. “So you actually played with us?”
“I did. And it was pretty fun too. I don’t want to brag but I was definitely beating the both of you. You losers were swallowing lake water by the bucketful because of me.” He taunts and you smile at him fondly.
“Man, I wish I could remember that. The image of little you wading around the lake and splashing us with water is just too precious.” You giggle, “That must’ve been a lot of fun. Beomgyu usually let me win so that would’ve been a nice change of pace.”
“It was… until you said something that upset him.” He says and you look at him in shock. “Me?”
“Yeah. Apparently I was smiling a lot and you made a passing comment about how I had a pretty smile and cute dimples. It made me want to give you all of my smiles just so you’d be happy.” He explains and you blush. “But it didn’t go along well with Beomgyu. I didn’t understand it fully but I could tell even back then that he didn’t like that because, immediately after, he started acting really rudely towards me, and the water fight turned from playful to spiteful. He did all he could to show me that I wasn’t welcome, to get me to leave. But I refused to give in. I was welcomed by someone for the first time in my life. I wasn’t going to let him take it away from me so I fought back. It quickly soured after that and we started wrestling in the water and trying to push each other down until you had to intervene and put a stop to it.”
“Oh my god.” You breathe. You didn’t realize things were this way even back then. "How come I don’t remember all of that?"
"Because you only ever saw him." He says wistfully, “Even back then, you took his side and told me to leave.”
“I’m sorry, Taehyun.” You apologize meekly. “I didn’t know, and he was my only friend.”
“I understand, but you know now, and I hope you choose differently this time.” He says, looking you in the eyes.
“Taehyun, I–”
“You know I never forgot you? I looked for you at the archery tournaments when Beomgyu would compete. I wanted to see the cute chubby-cheeked angel who welcomed me back then if even for a moment. But you were never there.”
Your heart flutters at the sweet nickname. Maybe it’s because you’re starved for his affection, but every little sweet thing he says or does hits you ten times harder.
“Yeah. Beomgyu never let me tag along.” You tell him glumly, “I guess now I know why.”
Beomgyu had always told you those tournaments were no place for ladies and he always scheduled a day of pampering and relaxation for you back at the palace so you wouldn’t miss him too much, but it never really made that much sense to you when his mother and sister were allowed to attend. He would tell you that they had to because they’re his family and they have to be there to support him, and also because, being the royal family, they had to make appearances in all kinds of events, but you didn’t.
It didn’t matter that you wanted to go or that you’d heard that those tournaments were really good places to catch the eyes of eligible bachelors, and maybe even receive a rose from one of the competing lords and knights. His answer to that was that the balls held at the palace were an ample opportunity to meet men without having to suffer through the hot, dusty conditions of those tournaments so you really weren’t missing out on anything by not going there.
Of course now you know that he was just worried that he wouldn’t be able to stop someone from approaching you in a place that wasn’t entirely under his family’s control like the palace. Maybe you would’ve even met Taehyun there.
“Would you have given me a rose if I was there?”
“Of course. But you probably wouldn’t have noticed mine from all the roses you would’ve gotten.” He says without a hint of sarcasm but you still scoff and look away, trying to play off your blush. “Yeah, right.”
“It’s true. There is a reason Beomgyu worked so hard to keep you away from anyone.” He tells you seriously, “But I want you to know that I would never stop you from going anywhere you want.”
“What if what I want is to go back to him?”
“Want to or feel like you need to for other people?” He asks pointedly, but you can’t give him an answer. “I don’t know.”
He opens his mouth as if to say something but then he closes it and looks away. You sigh, moving to pull away. He probably doesn’t want to embrace you now. But to your surprise, he keeps his hold on you, and says without looking at you, “Stay.”
________________________________
Kai rejects Taehyun’s apology, telling him that he'll only forgive him if he lets you go just like Taehyun said he would.
Moreover, the court is still in disarray following the spread of Beomgyu’s threats and Jaeyun’s public execution, but again like Taehyun said, half of his court remain loyal to him. But due to the other half being on edge, Taehyun does his best to keep you safe from any more attempts to kidnap you. He has guards around you at all times, but thankfully he doesn’t confine you to your room anymore.
Wonyoung is not happy about you stalling. She doesn’t understand why you’re still holding onto him, and she’s not shy about letting you know, saying that he has clearly gone off his rocker, that he’s only going to get worse and you’re risking a lot by staying still. And maybe she’s right, maybe you’re making a mistake, but you need to see this through. You owe it to Taehyun after all he’s done for you.
But it’s certainly no coincidence that mysterious raids have been taking place at the edge of the city since you’ve told her–unknown men descending on the farms and graineries at night and terrorizing the people there, ransaking their homes or burning them completely.
These raids have caused panic to spread, not only in court but also around the city. Of course the city people didn’t know the true perpetrators of those raids but the terror that was taking hold of people could easily turn them against Taehyun. It has already made the unhappy lords even more agitated.
You confronted Wonyoung about it, and she readily admits to Beomgyu being behind them.
“This is just a warning.” Wonyoung had said. “Just a taste of what’s to come if you continue refusing.”
“Wonyoung, you don’t have to involve innocent people in this.” You had protested, but her response was familiar by now. “I am not. You are. Just come home and it will all be over.”
You can also clearly see how restless this is making Taehyun, but he tries his best not to take it out on you. He sends troops out to fortify the borders of the city and guard some of the bigger silos, but there is only so much they can do to stop the scattered bands of attackers.
“I wish I was out there.” Taehyun confides in you, but you can’t be supportive of such risky sentiment. "Are you insane?”
“I just want to scope the scene out. See what I’m dealing with in order to make better decisions on how to protect my people.” He explains to you but you’re not having it for one second. “You think Beomgyu’s men won’t be on the lookout for you? If you go out there, you’ll make it so much easier for him to kill you."
He seems to believe your words but they just make him more agitated. He must feel trapped and helpless which, for someone like Taehyun who is used to doing so much from such a young age, is unbearable. Maybe it even reminds him of the time he was forced to sit by and do nothing regarding his mother’s death. It must bring forward a lot of painful memories, and you get that, but you can’t let him put himself right into Beomgyu’s trap.
"I can't just sit here and watch my people suffer." He shouts, hitting the table with his fist.
“Taehyun… you know how to stop it.” You say slowly, and he shoots up from his chair.
“No! I will figure something out.” He insists, shaking his head roughly. “I just wish I could see what’s happening out there. Just take a quick look….”
“No.” It’s your turn to put your foot down. “If you go, I won’t be here when you come back.”
That seems to do the trick, and let out a defeated sigh as he slumps back in his chair, his eyes darting around the room as if he can find the answer to his troubles in it.
“We do have his sister…” He starts and you give him an uneasy look. You don’t like where this is going.
“Yeah, so?”
“She would make a valuable hostage—”
“Absolutely not!” You shut him down. You refuse to let him hurt Wonyoung. “You’re not holding Wonyoung as a hostage.”
“Why not? Need I remind you that she is here to threaten us? It’s well within our rights to hold her in exchange for his retreat.”
“You’re being crazy right now. Even if that works, he’ll just stop until she goes back to the palace and then he’ll start again. Hell, he could even use this as an excuse to attack us in the first place. He could say that you kidnapped the princess!” You shout at him, hoping to get across how insane his idea is. “Taehyun if you don’t have a plan–”
“I’ll figure something out.” He cuts you off harshly. But when he sees your expression, he softens a bit. “Just give me more time.”
“Until when?” You press him. He can’t keep putting this off forever when he clearly doesn’t have a plan.
“Just a little bit more.” He answers vaguely, and you sigh. You don’t have the energy to argue with him right now.
“Fine.” You yield, “Are you coming to bed?”
“You go. I need to think.” He waves you off, and you frown. “Taehyun…”
“What?” He asks but then he notices the hurt look on your face and he gets up, walking around the table towards you and pulling you towards him.
“I’m sorry I’m leaving you alone once again, but I’ll be there before you wake up, and I promise you once I figure this out, you won’t go to bed alone another night, okay?” He cups your face, his hands engulfing your face, and makes you look at him, his eyes searching your own for any sign of approval and you reluctantly give in.
“Okay.”
He gives you a small smile and a kiss on the forehead. “Goodnight, my angel.”
“Goodnight.”
_______________________
When you wake up the next day, and Taehyun is not next to you, you immediately feel your stomach knotting up. Yes, you’ve been going to bed alone for a few nights now but usually when you wake up in the morning, you find yourself in his arms. You know it’s likely that he just stayed up in his study all night or he might’ve even fallen asleep there but you still can’t shake off the feeling that something wasn’t right. But you try not to let it take a hold of you as you bathe and then get dressed. It’s probably nothing. He’s probably up by now–he never sleeps much–and you’ll find him already seated at the dining table.
But when you reach the dining room and still don’t find him there, your worry blooms into full panic.
Only Kai and Wonyoung are at the table. They seem to be engaged in a… friendly discussion? It was a strange sight to see, but you couldn’t stop to think about it when your mind was overrun with just one thought.
“Where is Taehyun?” You call out, and Kai turns to you with a frown.
“How should I know? You’re his wife. You sleep next to him.” He says disparagingly.
“But he didn’t come to bed. He said he would but he didn’t. The last time I saw him was in his study last night.” You explain, unable to keep the panic from your voice. “I’ll go check.”
You hurry towards his study, trying not to break into a run. There is no reason for you to be this worried. He’s probably fine and you’re just overreacting.
Kai follows after you, but since his legs are longer, he quickly outpaces you, and by the time you reach Taehyun’s study, Kai was already coming out of it with a perturbed look on his face “He’s not here. Where the fuck did he go?”
“You don’t think…” You ask, wondering if Taehyun decided to go take a look at the city borders after all, and Kai shakes his head. “No, no, he can’t.”
“But–”
“This is all your fucking fault!” Kai screams at you.
“I told him not to go!” You defend yourself.
“Oh, you told him? How could he have refused you?”
“Didn’t you say that he listens to me? See? He doesn’t listen!” You fret, his panic causing yours to rise to new heights.
Just then, Wonyoung walks in. “You haven’t found him?”
You whirl around to face her, imploring, “Do you know where he is, Wonnie?”
“No!” She asserts and throws a glance at Kai. Is she worried he’d hurt her if she says she does?
Fearing that that’s the case, you lean closer to her so only she could hear. “Please, tell me if you do.”
She looks you straight in the eyes and repeats clearly, “I don’t know where he is.”
“Fuck!” You curse, your fingers tangling in your hair as you let the panic take full hold over you.
“Why don’t you ask the workers?” She speaks up again, trying to calm you down. “Someone is bound to have seen him.”
“Oh, that’s a great idea, Wonnie!” You turn to the guards who were like a second shadow to you right now and ask them if they’ve heard anything about where Taehyun might be.
“We’re sorry my lady but we don’t know.” One of them speaks up, answering you.
And so you run around the castle asking other guards and servants where Taehyun is and if anyone has seen him until you stumble upon a guard that tells you he’d seen Taehyun leaving the castle.
“Did he tell you where he went?”
The man looks at you sheepishly. “My lady, Lord Taehyun doesn’t make a habit of informing us of his whereabouts.”
Of course he doesn’t. What are you going to do now? Your only option was to spread word to every man and woman working in the castle to report to you immediately once Taehyun shows up. Other than that, you can do nothing but spend the day in absolute terror, not knowing where Taehyun is or whether he’s safe. Then that terror morphs into anger as the hours pass by. You told him he shouldn’t go! You told him it’s unsafe. You warned him that if he does, you’ll leave, and he still went.
Maybe you should make good on your threat. He promised to treat you better. He promised to listen to you and yet, just a few days later, he completely goes against what you’d asked of him. If he’s going to continue disregarding your feelings then you should just go…
Who are you kidding? You can’t go. You have to make sure he’s alright. You’re only angry because if you let yourself succumb to the fear, you’re going to go out yourself and search for him.
Fuck, maybe you should. You can’t just stand here anymore. Maybe you should–
Just then, a servant approaches you, stopping your frantic pacing and anxious contemplations.
“My lady?” She calls out, a careful expression on her face, and you know something is seriously wrong.
“Lord Taehyun is in the infirmary.”
_______________________________
"Oh my god." You heave, breathing quickly and erratically, feeling like you can’t take in any air into your lungs at the sight of your husband.
Taehyun is lying in bed in the infirmary, bloodied and bruised, but most concerningly there was a blood-soaked bandage covering his left eye completely.
"I’m fine." He holds his hands up, trying to calm you.
You rush up to him but stop just short of touching him. You don’t want to hurt him so you just stand there next to him, fussing and unsure of what to do. Seeing your condition, Taehyun reaches out and holds your hand, pulling on it to get you to sit down on the edge of the bed. You follow his cue helplessly, holding onto his hand tightly and raking your eyes up and down his body trying to assess the extent of his injuries without touching him.
“What happened to you?”
“He refuses to say.” Kai, who was already there, informs you.
You whip your head towards Taehyun with a reproachful look. “Taehyun!”
“I am not refusing to say.” He retorts, glaring at Kai. “I was attacked by that lunatic’s men.”
“Oh my god.” You feel faint. Luckily you were already sitting down. So Beomgyu is making good on his threats after all.
“Yes but you won’t say where you were attacked or what you were doing out of the castle.” Kai comes back.
“Is that true?” You ask Taehyun, and he gives you a guilty look. You spring to your feet, angry. “Taehyun! You have to tell us what happened! You were at the borders, weren’t you?”
“I wasn’t.” He denies.
“Bullshit!”
“Kai, I may be injured but I can still beat you up.”
“If you weren’t there then why won’t you say where you really were?”
Taehyun’s jaw clenches and he looks away. In doing that, you can only see this side of his face, the side that had his bandaged eye.
You reach out tentatively to pull it back but Taehyun grabs your hand before you could. “Don’t.”
“Is it gone?” You almost don’t dare to speak it.
“Yes.”
“Oh. Oh god.” You wheeze, moving away in horror but he holds onto your hand, keeping you close. “I’m fine, sweetheart.”
“How could you say you’re fine? Your eye is gone!” You screech out, your voice echoing around the room. This is insane. Things have completely spiraled out of control.
“But the rest of me is fine. These are all just superficial cuts and bruises.” He gestures to his battered body.
“Oh well, then that makes it okay.” Your voice trembles as your throat chokes up. He lost his eye because of you. He could’ve died because of you. How is he not taking it more seriously? You know he’s probably just trying to calm you down but how could you?
“How could this happen?” Kai seethes.
“I was alone when I was attacked.”
“And where were you?” You snap, once again letting your terror turn into anger so you won’t collapse. “I told you not to go.”
“I wasn’t at the border.” He insists.
"We have to do something." Kai announces with purpose, "He's not going to rest until–"
"Shut your mouth." Taehyun cuts him off harshly, but you finish for him. "Until he gets me back."
"Angel…"
"It's true.” You tell him helplessly, “Kai is right."
"No, he’s not.” Taehyun sneers, “You're my wife. I won't hand you to him." He holds onto your hand painfully, but you can’t even feel it. It doesn’t compare to the ache in your heart. You did this to him, and you’re going to keep hurting him if you don’t make him let go.
Sometimes we have to do the painful thing to protect the ones we love.
"You won't. I'll go on my own."
"I refuse. I won’t let you give yourself up for me.”
“So you can risk your life for me but I can't do this to protect you? I told you that if you go fight with the men I'd–"
"I wasn’t fighting." He denies once again, exasperated.
"Then what were you doing?" You exclaim in frustration.
He sighs and turns to Kai. “Leave us."
"Like hell–"
"Go!" He snarls at Kai who gives the both of you a resentful look. But seeing how adamant Taehyun is, he reluctantly leaves, slamming the door loudly after him.
“I was at the docks.” Taehyun reveals slowly, and you give him a confused look. You weren’t expecting that answer. Before you can say anything, he answers your unspoken question. “I was getting you something.”
You watch as he puts his free hand in his pocket and pulls out something. Opening his fist, he reveals a bloodied pearl necklace.
You stare at it blankly, not really understanding why he’s showing you this.
"There was a ship coming in with all kinds of luxurious goods. We don’t really get many of those here. They’re usually imported by the land route so when I heard about this ship, I decided to go down to the docks and buy some items for you. What I didn’t take into account was that he might already have people in the city working for him. Or maybe they followed me from the castle, I don’t know. I underestimated him. Anyway, I was able to fight them off enough to escape so naturally I couldn’t really come back with any of the things I had bought you. I only managed to hold onto this." At that, he shakes the pearls in his hand.
When you stay silent, he continues, "This was supposed to be more romantic, but it's ruined because it got all bloody.” He explains sheepishly, then adds with a snort, “And because of the eye."
You turn your gaze to his face, mind still failing to understand. "What…?"
"You said you liked pretty things." He murmured, "You deserve pretty things."
“You went by yourself to the docks… to buy me jewelry?” You ask slowly, the words not making sense on your tongue.
“And furs. They also had some really gorgeous furs, and I know you get cold–”
"You fucking idiot.” You breathe, choking up from the flurry of emotions you were feeling at the absurd situation. “You almost lost your life and scared me half to death so you can get me pretty things?"
"You're crying over me." He observes and you wipe at your tears harshly. “I know. You hate it when I cry.”
He places the necklace on his lap and grabs your hands, pulling them away from your face. “I hate it when you cry because of me. It’s cute when you’re crying over me.”
"You're an asshole." You try to hit him but he uses his grip on you to pull you close to kiss you.
“I hate you.” You mumble against his lips.
“I don’t believe you.” He retorts, shutting you up with another kiss, and you sigh into it, letting the anxiety seep out of your body bit by bit as your lips move against each other softly.
“I’m still mad at you.” You say when you pull back, “You lost your eye. This is only getting worse, and you still haven’t figured out–”
“I did.”
“What?” Your breathing goes shallow.
“I figured out how to stop him. I know how I can raise the stakes.”
“How?” You gulp, somehow feeling more anxious than ever. “You can’t match what he’s capable of offering your men.”
"I can if I take his." He informs you somberly.
“And how can you do that?”
“By killing him.”
You stop breathing completely.
“It won’t just be for me and you. He’s a deranged criminal. He has killed both his father and his brother. Who knows what else he’ll do? The kingdom won’t be safe with that kind of ruler governing it. We need to kill him and end his corruption.”
“But–how–” You can barely hear yourself speaking. “The people won’t stand by you.”
“Some will. He will tell his version of the story and I’ll tell mine. His story is convincing but not perfect. It’s already very suspicious that he’s the only male in his family not to get killed. But when you add to that the fact that we got married before his family was attacked then the plan he made for me doesn’t make sense. When you make a public appearance and tell the truth, people may believe you.” He tells you as if that’s a given. As if you could just participate in taking down the man you’ve always loved that easily. As the thought of hurting him doesn’t make you want to die. “I also heard that his wife is locked up in her room at the palace and can’t get in touch with her family. I’m sure her father would like to know that information. If his daughter’s, the queen, life is in danger, don’t you think he’d have a stake in this battle?”
Think? You can’t think. What he’s saying goes against everything you’ve ever grown up believing. You helping to kill Beomgyu? It would make more sense for him to ask you to turn the tides, to take down the moon, to kill the gods. No, this doesn’t make any sense.
“I know this is hard for you, angel.” He murmurs, pulling your hand up to his lips and kissing the back of it softly.
No, you don’t know. You don’t know anything.
“But this is the best for everyone, but you can do it. I know my angel is not only strong but she has a big and kind heart. You know that if he stays alive, he will never stop. Even if you go back to him, do you think he would actually spare me? He wants to own you and he can’t do that when you’re married to me. He will have to get rid of me.”
“But he promised…” You whisper.
“Can you look me in the eye and honestly tell me that you believe him?”
“I have to.” You croak but Taehyun shakes his head. “You don’t have to do anything. It’s all up to you. The question is, what do you want to do?” He looks at you so intensely that you can’t bear the glare of it. It’s too much. You can’t think. You want to do the right thing but what if you choose wrong? It’s bad enough that you have to choose between the two men that you love, between your soulmate and your husband, but to have people’s lives be put on line because of that decision? It’s too much.
Unable to face him, you turn your back to him and pull your hair up. “Put the necklace on me.”
“But it’s all bloody.” You can hear the confusion in his voice.
“It’s a gift from you.” You crane your head to smile at him. “It comes with the territory.”
He huffs out a laugh and scoots closer to place the necklace around your neck, clasping it from behind. When he’s done, you let your hair down and turn towards him again.
“How do I look?” You ask, one of your hands going up to thumb at the reddened necklace.
“Devastatingly beautiful.”
________________________________________
A/N: only two more chapters to go 😭 who do you think oc will choose?
i hope you guys savor this chapter because i gotta focus on my real life for a bit before next chapter
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Hey, hey! Random kind-of-writer here, who struggles to bring words on paper and looking for help/advice? I think I finally found my problem, which comes in the shape of 'my third person pov writing sounds like an ikea building instruction'. AKA: All that what the pov character perceives is there, things are happening/the plot is there but the writing kind of lacks thoughts/feeling/inner monolog? For years I've followed your stories and I look up to your writings skills. Especially you handling of pov and that gorgeous mixture of what the character perceives and what is happening in their head. Do you have maybe any tips/insight how do you find a balance?
Hi anon!
So firstly I'm going to point you to my dialogue research post that I put up recently, because dialogue research applies to a characters inner dialogue as well, and will kind of give you a guide as to how they're likely to be talking in their heads. (How I write as the narrator in A Stain that Won't Dissolve is actually somewhat similar to how Alex speaks, I even go out of my way not to use certain words if I don't think Alex would know what they mean).
Otherwise there's several approaches you can take.
You can imagine that the character is basically writing a journal entry or a diary entry. The narrator is, in a way, piggy backing off that. You're a fly on the wall of a character's brain. Sometimes they're going to have lots of thoughts, sometimes they're going to have none. Sometimes my characters are literally just narrating what's happening no thoughts attached, sometimes they're narrating with thoughts attached, and sometimes they're just thinking about stuff and missing what's going on in front of them.
Diary entries are like that too. They can vary from 'today I did this, did this, walked the dog, had this for dinner, and read some of this book' to 'oh my GOD I HATE this person sO MUCH and I really can't BELIEVE this is happening to me omg the DOG needs to be walked I keep FORGETTING.'
Somewhere in there, is your character.
Some characters are more - for lack of a better word - detached or utilitarian than others, some have their voices 'come to life' over the course of a story, because they're growing (Gwyn can be a bit like this).
Some characters are very observational, some are stuck in their heads. Some ground themselves through noticing their surroundings, others notice how other people are acting and behaving (especially true with trauma, Astarion notices setting way less than he notices how people are behaving around him).
It might help you to write down some little sentences like 'this character notices people a lot because people hurt them' or 'this character looks for nature because they like nature' or 'this character is very sensitive to smells so they constantly are aware of how things smell.'
From there, I am very sorry to say, it's just a matter of practice! This stuff becomes easier the more you do it. At first, it will be normal for the characters to feel a bit mechanical and not very natural, and that's because you're still building the skills you need to bring them to life from the ground up. Most writers don't have these skills even if they know what they're supposed to be learning, and they can only be learned through trying, making some mistakes, having some successes, and keeping on with the words.
How you write the first paragraph of a character this year, will be very different to next year, if you just keep writing.
Unfortunately, you can't skip past that part either. I can give you lots of tips, and you can do lots of research and guidance for yourself, but at the end of the day the best way to make it feel natural and have some depth, is to actually just keep writing characters and reflecting on what you've written, notice the paragraphs you like as well as the ones you don't, and building and building from there.
I wish you all the words, anon! It's normal to feel dissatisfied with your writing sometimes, that means you know you have room to grow - but the best thing is, you're already growing if you're noticing this stuff!!! That's actually a positive! You'll go through periods of feeling satisfied, and then dissatisfied, if you keep on keeping on, and looking at what the writers you love are doing, you'll eventually really just pick it up until it feels quite natural to you <3
#asks and answers#pia on writing#pia on characterisation#so like... inner thoughts - i used to chronically journal#and i find narration and journaling quite similar as skills#because you can also journal clinically and observationally#or you can journal emotionally#you can journal in metaphor and prose-style writing#and you can journal in flat facts and science#narrators are kind of the same alkfjsadfsda#administrator gwyn wants this in the queue
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oct' 29 x stormy days
Prompt: stormy days
Pairing: sequins!joel miller x f!reader (no outbreak au)
Word Count: 1,857
Warnings: maybe mature themes, but there's nothing much than some heavy flirting? sequins joel comes with his own warning
Summary: I hope you enjoy this sequins anon! thanks to @rhoorl for always being a partner in thots and helping out with this one! 🙌
x. masterlist
When you had first started dating Joel, you had been long distance at first. It had taken you by surprise as much as it had him. That Joel, whose last ‘real’ relationship had been with Sarah’s mother. Was willing to jump into not only a serious relationship after a string of one night stands, but one that required the coordination of two different time zones.
He was currently visiting you, since Sarah was with her mother for the next two weeks and a last minute cancellation of a job was a push from the universe to send Joel to your doorstep.
So there he was, watching you attempt to pocket the red ball into the far right corner hole.
“I thought you said you could play?” He said, hip rested against the table next to you.
The bar was on the way back home from where your original plans for the day had been due to take place, Hillsborough River State Park. Joel had been content, and insistent, to spend the entire week he had with you in bed. However you had been adamant the two of you needed some fresh air and to see the sun at least once, and a hike would be the perfect solution to this.
But the dark storm clouds that had rolled in put a damper on those plans, so as a compromise you both had agreed to head to the bar.
“I can,” you muttered as you tried to line yourself up, “just easier when you don’t have someone critiquing my game.”
“Darlin’,” Joel sided up next to you, caging you in and extending his arm down yours to point the cue stick at a different angle, “you might find it easier doing it this way.”
You huffed in annoyance.
Yet, feeling the warmth of Joel's body against yours. His strong hands guiding yours, adjusting the angle of the cue. His beard brushing against the side of your cheek.
It all sent a shiver down your spine and had you doubling your efforts to focus on the task at hand.
“Now, look down the cue, keep your eyes on the ball, and remember to follow through,” he whispered into your ear, his Texan drawl deep and husky, and very much Joel Miller.
You suppressed a smirk, recognizing the perfect opportunity. “Are you always this hands-on with your students, Miller?”
He quietly laughed, “Only the beautiful ones. Anyway I don't think I've heard you complain about my hands-on approach this week?”
Feeling his hot breath on your neck, you struggled to focus on the shot. But two could play at this game. Taking a deep breath, you leaned back into him, feeling the contours of his body pressed against yours.
“Are you trying to distract me from this little bet we have going darlin'?” he asked.
“Me? Intentionally distract you?” You gently nudged him with your hip to step away, “Never Miller.”
He gave you a shrug as he stepped back, a self-assured smirk on this face. However despite his hands on guidance, the cue ball missing the red ball you had aimed for with a wide curve.
“Shit.” you cursed under your breath, but Joel had heard you.
“Darlin',” Joel circled the pool table and lined up the cue ball, his eyes never leaving yours as he pocketed a striped ball, “I might be winning this wager after all.”
The wager.
When you’d walked in, seeing the pool table at the back, Joel had mentioned how he'd hung out at the pool halls in downtown Austin when he was younger, he and his brother trailing the bars on Friday nights. He’d also mentioned he was a pretty good player, but you had scoffed at this and said you could beat him.
You'd learned very quickly that Joel Miller didn't back down from a bet.
If you won?
The shelves he’d told you repeatedly that required far too much effort to make with little to no pay off for the project you had started in your kitchen? He'd make them. Then to double down the bet, you'd thrown in a trip to the flea market the next day to look for further decor for your kitchen.
If he won?
Joel Miller was not a complicated man, he wanted one full interrupted day in bed, just the two of you, naked.
Oh, and he also wanted your panties.
You had rolled your eyes at him at that last part, but agreed to the bet.
“You know,” you said, it was Joel's turn again, he was three balls ahead now, “maybe I might need a little more hands-on instruction. Show me the proper way to handle a cue stick.”
About to draw back his cue stick, Joel paused for a moment, before he chuckled lowly, “Are you sure you want to go there? You might not be ready for the lessons I have in mind.”
The way he spoke sent a jolt through you as he turned to look up at you. His eyes were dark, and he wore a smirk that made your breath catch in your throat.
You couldn't resist the opportunity to tease him a little more, “Oh, I think I can handle anything you have in mind, Miller.”
Joel raised an eyebrow, a look of amusement and something else flickering in his eyes. “Is that so?”
You nodded, unable to look away from him.
He stepped in closer, so close you could feel his breath on your lips and you licked them in anticipation. He angled his head as if to kiss you and your breath hitched in anticipation.
“Darlin',” his drawl making you weak at the knees, “do you really think this is how you're going to win this bet?”
With your back to the rest of the bar and with his free hand, the one that wasn't holding on to the pool cue, he traced the waistband of your leggings, his finger dipping in under the elastic where it rested under your belly button. He felt your intake of breath under his fingers before he heard it from you. The cocksure grin he had on his face told you that he not only knew the effect he had on you, but relished in it.
You could feel the heat rise to your cheeks, but you didn’t back away. Instead, you leaned slightly into him. “Now are you trying to fluster me, Miller?”
“Would I do that?” Joel’s voice was a husky whisper, his fingers lightly tracing the curve of your waist now. He took in his own deep breath as your lips ghosted his, “Maybe I just like the view from here.”
With a roll of your eyes you gave in and kissed his lips with an exasperated sigh.
“Anyway,” he continued as you stepped away to allow him to take his shot, “I think it's safe to say I've got this.”
You could only roll your eyes as he gave you a far too confident wink after pocketing another ball.
“Beginner’s luck,” he muttered under his breath as you sank another ball with ease.
But as the game continued, it became evident that this wasn’t just luck. Your technique was flawless, your movements around the table confident. Each time you leaned down to take a shot, there was a precision in your movement with the focus of someone who knew exactly what they were doing.
By the time you had cleared most of the balls off the table, leaving Joel with just a couple to work with, the realization hit him like a ton of bricks.
He had been hustled.
“You played me,” he said, the faux accusation in his voice betrayed by the glint of amusement in his eyes.
You grinned, leaning against the pool table and taking a moment to enjoy your victory.
“You assumed. That’s on you.”
“Okay, where did you learn to play?”
You sunk your last ball with ease, “I have two older brothers Joel, old enough that they were tasked with babysitting me on weekends. They'd take me to the pool hall with them when they'd tell my mom they were taking me to the library. So, in order to keep my silence, they'd ply me with candy and allowed me to play.”
“Just when I think I've got you figured out,” he responded, leaning down to shoot one of the last three balls he had left even though the game was pretty much yours now.
When you finally pocketed the eight ball it was official, you raised your arms in triumph before wrapping them around Joel's neck.
“Better get ready with those power tools Miller.”
“You know how complicated it's going to be to make something so simple?” he grumbled, despite the half smile on his face.
“But it's going to look so good!” you insisted as you kissed his cheek.
Joel shook his head, “This better be the only project you've got lined up for me this week. I don't need any of your neighbours knocking on the door asking when I'm coming 'round to fix something of theirs again.”
“You order us some drinks, I'm just going to go use the bathroom,”
You returned from the bathroom, you scanned the bar for Joel, his broad shoulders and height making him easily stand out from the crowd.
Spotting him by the bar, you made your way over, making sure to brush past him just closely enough. He was too engrossed in a conversation with the bartender over the football game that was playing on the TV above to notice you discreetly slipping your hand into his jeans pocket before grabbing the two drinks he'd ordered.
“I got these cowboy, I'll find us a booth.”
But as he reached into his pocket for his wallet to pay the bartender, his fingers brushed against the soft fabric you had discreetly placed there. His eyes widened, his movements momentarily frozen as he pulled out your panties.
The bartender, obviously not privy to your bet, awkwardly cleared his throat. With flushed cheeks, Joel hastily shoved the panties back into his pocket, tipping the bartender generously.
Joining you at the booth you'd chosen, he slid in next to you, leaning in and whispering with a playful yet accusatory tone, “You play dirty,” he glared at you, but his eyes betrayed his amusement.
You took a sip of your drink, feigning innocence, your eyes glinting with mischief. “I have no idea what you're talking about.”
Joel smirked, “Oh, don't play coy with me,” he leaned closer, the low lighting of the bar casting shadows on his rugged features. “Now, what's the meaning of this little surprise?”
You leaned in as well, your lips close to his ear. “Consider it a consolation prize.”
He swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing slightly. “Is that so? You sure know how to keep things interesting.”
You pulled back, offering a cheeky smile, “You haven't seen anything yet Miller.”
Joel chuckled, a genuine wide smile on his lips as he took a sip from his drink. “You may have won our bet darlin', but you sure know how to make a man feel like he's won the jackpot.”
#october x 500#autumnal offerings#joel miller fanfic#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller x you#joel miller x reader#sequins!joel x reader#sequins!joel
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👾 anon here
Sage kinda would have to be a house husband since he is from hyrule and not from here making him not have any documents of his birth, pretty much making it harder for him to get a job or anything that has to do with people needing to know of his birth and I doubt people would believe that he came from a video game especially knowing how his ears look more human than hylian and half of his arm is missing and people would question that and look at reader thinking their suspicious and they have done something terrible to sage like kidnapping and sage wouldn't want that. Sage would probably have an interest of true crime shows because he would be able to pick the bad and good habits that killers did to or get caught and find the things that would kill a person more efficiently. Because of him now only having one arm he is gunna need help for some tasks like the ones where you need both arms altho he wants to prove that he is perfect to be a house husband for reader which the hole needing help to open a jar might break that to him but that is a plus cause that means reader would have to be with him as it can be used to bond and to get their attention to him instead of the chain. Being at reader's world now would Legend's hair be turn more normal he would probably have only few streaks of pink hair and twilight marks look faded like their old tattoos and much for the favor of sage those two would not turn into their animal forms as much and I think hyrule would feel much weaker as he is a fairy. Hyrule would probably try to learn modern medicine from shows and twilight would probably tag along sage when he is farming or going to the farmers market. Maybe one of them becomes a influencer to help reader with the bills since now there isn't just two people living but more than twelve if you count the others and reader.
@neverchecking, @lovanmari MORE HOUSE HUSBAND SAGE!!!
AKSMSDKCVM BECAUSE WARS AS AN INFLUENCER 💀
It'd have to be him of any links, He's already got the looks. wild could be his camera man since he'd be hopeless with tech. And you're so right, reader would be DONE with how they're having to provide for everyone now. If any of the links offered to help, they'd be readers new favourite instantly - much to everyone else's jealousy.
as for some of the other points 👾, Sage very much volunteered but at the same time reader would be in so much trouble if he was found without any ID, there's a chance he'd try to forge some just to make it easier on them so they don't have to be as stressed about him going out or getting arrested themselves there isn't a single way he'd let that happen after all. But Wind would be the real issue - adults can somewhat slide, excuses for loosing things sure. but a kid? Reader is fucked if that ever got picked up on, and school is a whole different problem to deal with.
As for legend and the others, his hair would probably stay the same - sure the magic has gone, but it's not like hair dye doesn't exist here. The same could go for Twi's markings since they could be written off as a tattoo permanent without the magic so you're right about how they'd fade over time. It's less like the looks are the issue, it's just the magic isn't there anymore and anything - like their ears, Hyrule's fairy side and sage's arm have no way to fit into the real world so they get lost over time. ALSO POOR HYRULE, He's going to be bed sick for at least a week while his body adjusts. DO YOU THINK SAGE IS BAD WITH JUST AN ARM MISSING??
RULIE CAN'T MOVE AND HE'S NOT PLAYING IT UP AS MUCH AS HE COULD.
While I do like the idea of Sage losing his arm within the real world as well, I feel like it wouldn't be completely lost. Reader would be constantly reassuring him that he's good enough and perfect as he is, only encouraging him to do it even more ✨✨. But if it was he would play it up for so many sympathy points, begging reader to open jars, to have them dote on him when he gets phantom pains and suspiciously only having it play up when the others want reader attention.
#I love the Househusband Au so much TT#I think I might actually put together a Hc's list when I get the time#all the dif links reactions#👾 anon#moss✦answers#househusband Sage#yandere linked universe#linked universe x reader#yandere linked universe x reader#lu sage#lu legend#lu hyrule#lu twilight
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Despite popular belief, the Emperors did not die when the rapture came, not when a good majority of them were gods or supernatural hybrids or had relations to gods.
One of the emperors who survived happened to be Scott, who gravely brought up at a meeting of the remaining emperors (Joey had decided after being found and healed by Gem that he wanted nothing to do with the emperor life anymore and disappeared, Pixlriffs had disappeared to fulfill his role as the keeper of the dead, Katherine had returned to the Fae realm, and Shrub was out doing Wolf Spirit things) that if he were alive, then Xornoth likely was as well.
And thus began their search for both Jimmy (Who had gone missing and was not as easy to find as Lizzie was) and Xornoth.
It took months before they finally got the slightest lead on Xornoth, a blind man who only saw via his sensing of magic described Xornoth’s magic in perfect detail and gave them the direction they were headed in.
Perhaps if they stayed long enough for the old man to finish telling them about Xornoth’s stay in his village they would have been less rattled by the sight they came across.
They had found Xornoth, but they had, changed. The dark charcoal skin they were used to the demon having were reduced to simple patches that marred their skin, a head of hair growing in magenta rather than white, and eyes that looked just like they did when the demon was still elf. But that wasn’t the only shock, in fact the second sight rattled them either further.
Traveling with him was none other than Jimmy, a very very human Jimmy but Jimmy nonetheless.
(They supposed that Jimmy’s situation must have been like Lizzie’s, their powers and therefore memories drained along with their domain, Gem found herself worrying that they wouldn’t be able to fix Jimmy like they managed to with Lizzie)
Meanwhile Jimmy is incredibly confused on who these strange people are and would really just like them to leave him and his fiancé alone, he is already preoccupied enough with trying to find a way to cure Xornoth of the dark magic infecting their soul (Exor’s remaining magic) the odd feeling of familiarity when he looked at the cyan haired elf with a face like his fiancé didn’t matter.
- 🍪 anon
Scott doesn't know if it's worse that Xornoth themself doesn't remember. Would it be easier if he could pretend they'd done this out of spite? A target for his grief, turning it into anger.
But Xornoth is changed in more than just his appearance. Maybe it's poetic, for Scott's own lost memories to come full circle like this. (Though, he thinks he suffered enough forgetting his own brother.)
Jimmy is happy. Scott watches them interact like any almost ordinary couple would and feels as if he's looking in a mirror. Lizzie tells Jimmy they're siblings - though she leaves out the whole god thing. Scott can't blame her, considering he introduces himself to Jimmy like he's a stranger.
Gem catches Scott's arm as they walk to the tavern, led by Jimmy and Xornoth. She whispers that Scott doesn't need to help here. He can go back and continuing assisting with the rebuilding efforts - providing a haven for the many refugees. It's not the empires of old, but something new. Something unified emerging from the ruins of the past.
Scott knows he needs to see this through. He has the most knowledge of Exor and Aeor of all of them. He'll find a way to expunge the remaining magic from his brother and let them finally live the life they've always deserved.
The life Scott might have deserved, once upon a time.
#empiresshipping#ask#scott tag#jimmy tag#gem tag#xornoth tag#xornimmy#flower husbands#🍪 anon#mod 🎀#angsty tw
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Replies
More replies! :)
hipsterteller asked:
I saw the artwork of Jade and Rook, and the only thing I could say is-
"Oh please tell me they didn't kill someone"
+
Anonymous asked:
Yep, both weirdos doing weird stuff. Also, context on their murder?
I really love how the first ask is in denial, hoping for the best, and the second one is “alright who did they kill this time” LOL
Unfortunately though, there is no context, I’m just sure this is something both of them do, so it’s only a matter of time until they stumble upon each other. It would definitely be funny…
I keep joking about Jade just feeding randos with his mushrooms, even though it’s not really how mushrooms work, but I’ll keep telling this joke until the day I die and get buried in the forest myself lol
Anonymous asked:
MEGARA!
YES!!!!! <3 <3 <3
Your childhood crushes really cement one’s type… we rewatched Hercules about a year ago, and it really made me remember just how much I loved this girl.
Anonymous asked:
seeing idia in a consensual relationship/situation with azul is like a jumpscare on this page
Thank you Anon!! I’m genuinely happy that you’re so used to seeing messed-up stuff that anything wholesome seems surprising lol We really do have our preferences…
But if that makes it easier, with these two it’s almost always just a fleeting moment before they start arguing again over something super unimportant or messing up each other’s lives. There is no way these could actually coexist without it lol
Anonymous asked:
Ironically enough if Azul was Regina I could see Vil being a decent Janis
He doesn't share a lot of the same fashion traits as her but he is honest and can hold a grudge for a long time
(this is related to one reply from this post)
Wow, Vil as Janis is something I never considered. This type of pettiness is closer to Vil’s, that’s true lol
Jamil would also maybe work as Janis.
But now all I can think about is Vil in a grungy-punky look… a complete delusion, but an aesthetically pleasing one.
Anonymous asked:
This sounds a bit too mean (to Malleus), but what reactions do you think he may have if Lilia's fucking him and accidentally moans his mother's name instead 👀
Since we can’t say anything about ch7 yet (still haven’t watched it), so there might be any specific aspect that I’m missing, but in general I’m pretty sure Malleus is going to be super damn pissed if Lilia moaned any name that isn’t his while they have sex lol He might even get angry and destroy everything and only then go “wait what?” realising what the name was.
blackbutlerfandomnerddomain asked:
I might bombard the inbox with thoughts so sorry in advance! I lowkey see Sebek and Silver starting as a thing after realizing Malleus and Lilia were a thing (I find the idea Silver having the Windows reloading sound in his mind as he’s like “Ooooooooh” when realizing his two dads are lovers really funny), and I’m currently writing a fic based of Ch.7 where Sebek kissed Silver finally during the fight, making them official finally
No worries, as long as you don’t mind waiting. You know how it is with me and replies lol, but I’m slowly but surely replying to everything.
Bonding over the trauma of realisation that Malleus and Lilia are a thing lol well jokes aside, it’s probably not as traumatic for Silver, but the realisation could still be the “oh” moment for sure. Let Malleus and Lilia be an example for the younglings lol
Good luck with your fic!^^
Anonymous asked:
Hear me out: Fem Idia with the song Worst Taste In Girls by Charley
Alright now that I’ve finally listened to the song!
She really does have the worst taste in girls… Although, she has even less autonomy in her love life than the heroine of the song unfortunately lol But Idia is prone to thinking that whenever things go kinda well, it’s never going to last long.
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