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mazeinthemiroh · 11 months

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HI BABYSHYZX:))))😚I have a request🫶🏻but beforeeee I tell you, I hope you've been taking care of yourself, getting enough rest, eating well, trying to stay healthy etccccc🩷. Okay soo, straykids' reaction to you walking around your apartment half naked, and they got home early🤠? Keep in mind, you don't have to write if you're not comfortable with the topic or for whatever other reason😽, if you do though, Thank youu. I love youuddhuxxhx<333

stray kids' reaction to finding their s/o walking around the apartment half-naked for the first time

genre: general, crack, fluff

warnings: mentions of partial nudity, not proofread

please like and reblog if you enjoy <;3

bangchan

will literally look at you like 👀 and go 'oooOooooo' but tries not to embarrasses you too much. obviously he will tease you but not really to a big extent, because otherwise he would be a hypocrite. he literally walks around half naked whenever he gets the chance much to his roommates dismay so really, who is he to judge?

minho

there is a heavy silence in which he just blinks repetitively, in his usual perplexed manner. then he will hum and shrug, carrying on with whatever he is doing. inside he's probably freaking out, just a little bit. but outside he's got the same, nonchalant expression on his face, perhaps to make you feel more at ease than himself.

changbin

not a very big deal to him at all. there's nothing he hasn't seen before, hehe. he views it like... if you were at the beach, this wouldn't be an issue. but still, if, when you do see him come in, feel a little uncomfy about him being there while your in that state for whatever reason, he will get out of the room and make you something to eat or something. no biggy!

hyunjin

will make a dramatic scene about it. will most definitely scream at the top of his lungs like he has seen a ghost which deeply offends you, so he earns a tremendously slap on the arm which makes him lmeven louder and more dramatic about it ugh idk he's a whole mess. probably yells "my eyes!" like a cartoon character and covers is eyes with his fists. so supportive 🙄

jisung

his mouth is to the floor before he let's out a momentary awkward chuckle and adverts his gaze. tries to distract himself but let's face it, all he really wants to do is touch and be near you, as always. that's all he ever wants to do, to be honest, fully clothed or not. will melt if you instigate any affection towards him like this <3333 he's just down bad so have fun with that.

felix

he's super respectful. when he sees you in such a state, he covers his eyes with one hand or adverts his gaze, removing himself from the situation immediately. he's a little angel, can you expect anything less of him? he will mentally scold himself for not being more cautious and aware beforehand, feeling bad for making things potentially awkward.

seungmin

indifferent. on the out side, at least. he's as cool as a cucumber, but the moment you tell him to leave and stop observing you this was, he goes to the bathroom and let's out a huge breath. yeah he's panicking. not sure how to move or act or speak or feel. all over the place. but comes out of the bathroom like he hasn't given himself a 15 minute pep talk about the whole thing.

jeongin

the moment he sees you half naked, his whole earth shatters like damn why did he have to see you like this because now all he is thinking about is where and where not to look. wants to be as respectful as possible so just sort of stares at every inanimate object possible until you tell him it's okay to look.

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mochamamii · 6 months

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yandere!nct: you try to unalive yourself.

▹ a/n: hello loves, I can’t remember if I’ve written something like this before but I wanted write something a little darker today but soon I will force myself to write some fluff I promise lol.

▹ pairing: yandere!nct x reader

▹ triggers: self-harm, readers attempts to unalive themselves, kidnapping, forced relationships

▹ warning!: I can’t stress enough how triggering this might be, I get descriptive at certain parts and I strongly urge you to consider whether this is something you want to read, this is dark and not my normal writing. please prioritize your own well-being and do not read this if it will influence you in anyway, I have lots of other lighter reads 💕

Taeil won’t let it get this far. Taeil loves you deeply and wants only the best for you no matter how demented it appears to others. He dotes on, and nurtures you like his life depends on it, carefully crafting your meals and your routine to keep your mind and body healthy. If something like this were about to happen, he would be able to foresee your declining mental state and hopefully prevent any attempts. Taeil would do everything in his power to keep you safe and he’d do his best to make you as comfortable as possible. He’d even consider letting you go if it meant saving your life.

“How could you do this to yourself? Don’t I take care of you well?”

Johnny is always calm and collected, even when he’s pissed off, a stranger wouldn’t be able to tell the difference, he always keeps the same mask on, never giving you any idea of what he’s thinking inside his head. Until now that is…He comes home to find you on the bathroom floor. At first he thought you must’ve slipped, hitting your head and knocking yourself out in the process, not that it had been done intentionally. Johnny is at a loss of what to do, it’s one of the few times he’s not sure what to say or do to fix this. He usually has a witty comeback to lighten the mood but he knows now isn’t the time. He helps fix you up, cleans the wound on your head, and tucks you in bed. Anytime you part your lips to speak he’ll shush you. The two of you will probably sit in silence for a while until he can figure out how to address this.

“It’s okay, shhh…Just rest, save your energy. We’ll talk about it later.”

Taeyong is an angry mix of emotions. He’s known for at least a week now that you somehow managed to obtain poison. He theorized that you must’ve used cleaning supplies to mix a cocktail of chemicals, he found you hiding your stash under the bathroom sink. He assumed your plan was to use it on him, simply out of curiousity and amusement he wanted to see if you were actually capable of trying to kill him so he didn’t address it. He wanted to see how far you’d go to leave him. He waited and waited, but he never noticed anything different. He already had cameras installed in your shared apartment to watch you while he was away, he hoped to find you tampering with his food in a botched attempt to poison him. But still, nothing ever came of it. Until suddenly, you were the one who fell sick. His worry turned to anger as he arrived home one night to find you on the floor of the bathroom, the mixture of poison lying next to you.

“Are you insane? What were you trying to do, kill yourself? Do you think that will work, because I promise you, nothing…not even life itself will keep me from you. Don’t ever do something stupid like this again.”

Yuta feels remorse. It’s one of the few and probably only times Yuta will ever feel this way. Out of everyone, Yuta is one of the most intense and dangerous yandere’s, but he still loves you in his own twisted way. He likes to push your buttons and torture you a little but he’d never kill you…probably. For Yuta, part of the fun is seeing how badly you want to live, how badly you want for him to release you and return to your old life. When he arrives home to find you on the floor, a dark crimson pool of blood surrounding you he panics, all the color draining from his face as he sees your barely conscious body. He’ll clean you up, bandaging your wounds, he’ll monitor you for a few days wondering if he should take you to a hospital. In those few days as he waits to see if your condition worsens he’ll be super gentle, much more gentle with you than he’s ever been. His hands will run over all the old scarred skin where he’s cut you in different places before, a deep pang in his chest screaming at him for doing that to you. He’ll be soft with you, but he can’t help but still poke fun at you in an attempt to get you to talk to him.

“Hey, couldn’t you wait for me? At least I know when to stop, clearly you’re still an amateur…You could’ve really hurt yourself. What would I do then, huh?”

Doyoung is angry. At you, but mostly himself. He likes to believe that he knows you better than you know yourself. To come home and find you in the middle of attempting to harm yourself he will realize just how little he truly knows about you and your condition. Initially the only emotion he can really process is anger, the thought of coming home a second too late and losing you enraged him. Even while angry, he was solid as rock, never giving you much of a clue about what he was thinking. He will carefully nurse you back to health, never leaving your side not even for a second. Once you begin to recover he will experience heartbreak and grief over what could’ve happened. Doyoung won’t address the incident much and will from then on refer to it as the ‘incident’ he wants to pretend that it never happened. He’s a stubborn man and his behavior towards you might not change much, if anything he gives you less freedom, afraid to let you leave his side.

“Never do that again. Hate me. Hate me all you want to, but never do that again. Please.”

Jungwoo is distraught after finding you in such a state. He’s in disbelief and this is a rare occasion in which he is truly afraid. Afraid of what could’ve happened to you and what might happen again in the future if he’s not careful. It flips a switch in him and forces him to realize something that he cannot shake. That he might not just need to protect you from the world but from your own self too. He becomes distrustful of you, scared and afraid that you might try to hurt yourself again. There’s no amount of convincing or promises in the world that will put his mind at ease. This fear will drive him to act irrationally, he’s not above strapping you to a bed all day while he’s gone if it means keeping you safe. In his mind you forced him to take these measures to keep you safe.

“You know why I have to keep you locked up like this don’t you baby? I can’t risk you doing something like that again, what would I do without you?”

Mark is shocked. He never expected it, he doesn’t necessarily make your mental health a priority for him. He knows you probably hate him and that you’d do nearly anything to get away from him. He just never thought unaliving yourself would be on the table for you. In fact, he probably expected you to try and kill him before you ever tried to hurt yourself. He will feel shameful and for the first time a little guilty about taking you. I don’t see him ever letting you go but he might be willing to talk and see what changes can be made to make you more ‘comfortable’ in your new life.

“Don’t punish yourself for the decision I made. If you wanted to kill someone it should’ve been me. Not you, never you.”

Haechan’s response might come off as cold and heartless. That’s only half true. Initially he might try and make himself believe that it wasn’t you who did it to yourself but that an intruder broke in and attacked you. When he realizes what you tried to do he knows that nothing he will say will comfort you or inspire you to never do it again. You hate him, so much that you’d rather die than be stuck with him another second. What could he possibly say to change your mind? His approach is a little brazen and risky but he wants to test your will to live. How badly did you truly want to be free of him? He used the only thing he knows for sure works in keeping you in check. Fear. Your fear of him and what he might do.

“What? It’s okay for you to go around taking lives but I can’t?” He asks with a quizzical expression as he holds a knife to your former friend’s throat, his icy eyes piercing into yours.

#nct yandere #yandere nct #yandere kpop #lee taeyong #kpop yandere #kim jungwoo #lee haechan #kim doyoung #johnny seo #mark lee #yuta nakamoto #nakamoto yuta #nct reactions

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shakertwelve · 1 year

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the obvious defense of this point would be that Victoria is simply supposed to be Wrong About It, which I would love, except that the narrative very carefully bends to make sure that Victoria is Always Right, and ESPECIALLY Always Right about Cape Science

[ context: the quote we're talking about: “I guess it doesn’t make sense as a thing powers would do. Powers tend to steer clear of the suicidal, the helpless, the invalid, or people who are limited.” ]

my best guess as to what wildbow meant, if he put any thought into this at all? this is ward's version of the scene in worm that goes out of its way to make clear that labyrinth is not autistic and had a "normal" mind before her trigger (and the similar clarification about bitch). wildbow didn't want to write about developmental disabilities, probably because he thought he didn't know enough about the subject not to mess up and get in trouble for writing something offensive, so his solution was to just state that no one in parahumans is meant as "representation" of that demographic and avoid the issue altogether. this at least makes some kind of sense, if you are wildbow.

the obvious issue here is that this quote doesn't just single out developmental disabilities, but is phrased broadly enough to apply to almost any kind of illness or disorder. worm presents superpowers as explicitly tied to a traumatic event and as a metaphor for the effects of trauma, and experiencing other forms of illness and distress make someone much more likely to process an event as a trauma, so logically, mentally ill and disabled people should be overrepresented in the parahuman population (feeling "helpless" or distressed enough to be suicidal are common elements to many parahuman triggers), and the ways capes tend to act in the text of both books consistently reflect this. the only other explanation i can think of is that we're using an extremely restrictive definition of mental disorders (i.e. we're being the guy who thinks adhd isn't a real neurotype, so imp and kid win don't count, and low-empathy is just code for being a bad person, so cradle doesn't count, and so on...), and even that doesn't explain why we're claiming physically disabled people also can't get powers, when wildbow has written about it happening plenty of times (thank you @john-cherry-the-6th for bringing up this wog about triggers in suicidal people that includes the trigger event of a coma patient). also, we've seen that powers can cure illnesses as part of the trigger (see: vikare, famously the first hero ever, whose powers manifesting cured his cancer) if they really need to (they don't even do it all the time if the host isn't dying and can still fight with the power, like genesis), so why would they care if a prospective host is disabled? but whatever--let's disregard all evidence to the contrary and assume that all capes were 100% Mentally Normal (a very objective standard) before their triggers, so their erratic behavior after triggering must be purely the influence of their superpowers.

of course, now we have to go back to the first part of the quote. victoria claims that she doesn't think it's likely that finale's powers would affect her mental development after she manifested them, because powers want their hosts to be able and ready for action. so that can't be why capes like labyrinth and bitch exist, either; powers avoid choosing "limited" people as hosts and they also don't want to make their hosts limited, therefore all parahumans must be healthy because shards want healthy hosts. except there's absolutely no way any scientific study of parahumans in this world would come to this conclusion! scores of therapists run themselves ragged dealing with the various complexes of just the heroic capes, and capes on the "villainous" side are understood to be, on average, even more unstable! victoria has been working with jessica yamada, who definitely knows this, for ages! what the fuck is she talking about!

CONCLUSION: ??? wildbow got confused while writing about his own setting's alien brain parasites and started describing yeerks instead

#ask

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cinematicnomad · 2 months

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not to expound on the tags in my last reblog re:buckley v diaz parents, but i am going to do just that lol

when i look at the buckley parents i see a pair of people who were traumatized by the death of their child and their reaction to that trauma was actively harmful. they were emotionally negligent of maddie and buck, they parentified maddie and left it to her to raise buck, and they tried to bury the existence of daniel because they were so unequipped to deal with their grief and a byproduct of that was further traumatizing maddie, who had no outlet for her grief and was taught to hide it instead, and harmed buck by creating this giant gulf in his own family narrative by which he fundamentally could not connect with his parents or understand their actions.

things i saw in the other tags and posts that i disagree with: i don't think they blamed buck for failing to save daniel—that is not something we see them doing nor is it something we hear maddie and/or buck accusing them of. buck certainly FEELS like he's at fault when he finds out the truth, but that's because of the fact that it was hidden from him for so long. if anything, you could argue that part of their faulty rationalization when hiding daniel's existence was to protect buck from that feeling. i am not arguing that that logic is sound or defensible, just merely stating a position that would imply they are not blaming buck.

i also, just, don't blame them for having buck to save daniel? there are certainly ethical quandaries to be had about parents having a savior baby and all that entails. but i also don't fault a set of parents for doing whatever was necessary and grabbing at every opportunity to try and save their son's life even if, yes, it meant having another child. now, CLEARLY they weren't mentally or emotionally equipped to raise that child after daniel died, and it's obvious that they did not consider this outcome when they decided to have buck because of the actions they eventually take, but i also don't fault them for the initial decision.

the other thing i would argue about is in regards to if the buckley parents love their children. i think we can answer that based on what we see of them in canon. we learn that the whole reason buck developed a reckless streak was because it was learned behavior as a child. he realized that when he put himself in danger, or injured himself, or was sick, he received the love and affection he craved from his parents. that is MONUMENTALLY fucked up. they SHOULD have been able to show him that love at all times. they caused him lifelong emotional damage that he needs to heal on his own because they could not access their own emotions except for in situations of extreme fear and concern. was it enough? no. does the fact that they showed him love and care in these moments make up for the times they withheld it from him? of course not. but i think it's evidence that the love was, fundamentally, still there. similarly, in regards to maddie, their concern about her relationship with doug was telling.

it's obvious to me, at least, that for the buckley's they’re so emotionally numbed that the only times their emotions are actually let out is when triggered by extreme fear for their children's safety. that is not healthy. that is not okay. but it is informed by their trauma surrounding daniel's death, and it is something i can understand even if i find it harmful.

basically, i really do think that canon got it right when maddie said they were good people but bad parents. i think it's generalizing it a bit, but fundamentally i think that's a pretty insightful read on them. they are people who underwent an extreme trauma and it changed them for the rest of their life to the point that they could not parent their children and that is not okay. but when i look at the two sets of parents discussed in the post, i can understand the reasons for one's actions, and i cannot understand the others.

#i'm not even tagging this with anything lol #why did i type all this out oh my god #i will probably delete this

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archoniluthradanar · 1 year

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An Overnight Camp out with the Volturi Masters

First up in the Summer Fun with the Volturi Masters, polled story series results.

Winner and story number one

An Overnight Camp Out with the Volturi masters.

It's Summer in Volterra. It's also very quiet, except for a few trials that were over and done with rather quickly. The defending party was determined early on to be guilty, making the process very simple. You feel restless, wanting to go somewhere. Anywhere. You tell Aro about the trips and vacations you used to take back home. Intrigued, he asks you for examples.

"We used to camp out at the lake, go fishing, check out the theme parks, or visit to the state fair. Sometimes we'd go watch a baseball game more than once in a season," you explain to him while sitting at his feet on the dais.

"This camping. What does it involve?" Aro asks, interested.

You're surprised at his question. "Haven't you ever been camping? Surely when you were a human in ancient times, people camped all the time. I mean, there were fewer hotels and Airbnb's around back then."

"If I have, I've forgotten it. Much of our human lives becomes foggy after so long a time, my dear." Aro thought a moment. "Let us do this camping thing. Buy whatever you need for all four of us to go."

"Well, you three will not be needing much. It's I who will be needing a few things. I'll see to it right away, Aro."

You decide to go shopping for a few necessary supplies, and decide to take Felix along since he is the strongest of the Volturi Guard. "Felix, we'll need to go a sporting goods store. Do you know of one around here?"

He drives to the one store he is aware of that sells such things. You explain the camping trip, and ask if he remembers camping out. He answers in the affirmative and tells you a story about him killing a bear, bare-handed, when it tried to take away his roasting venison. "The beast dared to steal it, but I grabbed him by the throat and broke his neck. Fortunately, he didn't have enough time to begin to eat the deer meat and I was able to retrieve it."

You look over at Felix, the so called executioner of the Volturi, and mentally picture that amazing moment he killed a bear without any weapons, and when he was human. You still don't fear him, but now you know who to have around should you ever get attacked by a bear.

Walking around the store, you peruse tents because you're not exactly the roughing-it type. At least with a tent, you'll have some place to change and sleep. The masters don't sleep, but might enjoy having a place to sit and talk during the nighttime hours, out of any bad weather.

Next up is finding a small gas grill, a pot to brew coffee in, and a small folding skillet to cook meals in, again something the masters don't have to think about. You throw one set of portable dinner-ware into the cart. The last things needed were a few easy-to-cook emergency food packs and Pop Tarts. Healthy eating is not a consideration for a weekend camp out, so you throw in a few Jiffy Pop popcorn tins. You grab long matches, an LED flashlight, and three large LED lanterns, bio-degradable TP, and wet wipes.

Finally, you pick up several containers of water and one bottle of water-purifying tablets, just in case. You apologise to Felix for choosing the heavy tent. Luckily they needed only enough for the weekend, but everything could be re-used later on. Perhaps the Guards would like to indulge sometime, you tell Felix.

Once you reach the castle, Felix carries the tent, still in its box, to sit at the back door. He goes to the garage and brings around the larger SUV, storing the tent box in the back. before putting everything else on the third seat. Caius is going to drive, although he doesn't know about the trip yet. Aro will sit in the front passenger seat because he likes being up front, while you and Marcus will sit in the second row. You really hope the other masters agree to go. You like to snuggle up next to Marcus when driving since it makes you sleepy. He never seemed to object.

When Caius and Marcus were told about the camp out, they balked at first, but after you tell them about the fun it can be, they relent and agree to go.

The next morning, everyone climbs into the SUV, and you give Caius directions to a lake park where short-term camping is permitted.

Once you find the perfect spot at the lake's edge, you and the masters get out the tent and the accompanying equipment. You pull out the instructions and read them aloud.

"I can be of help securing the stakes." To demonstrate, Caius takes one, and holding the tip to the grass, pushes it deeply into the ground with his hand. He completes securing each stake until the tent is firmly in place.

"It looks perfect, thank you Caius. You are a wonder sometimes," you say, praising his ego in all sincerity.

He looks at you, offended. "Only sometimes?"

You smile, putting your hand over your mouth. You walk into the tent, and examine the large back room, then come up front to check out the front room and the outer area where people can sit under an overhead canopy. You love this! The back room is all yours to use since the masters do not need it. With the dividers in place, you'll have complete privacy.

Since this area doesn't permit open fires, you set up the LED lanterns, two out front and one inside the tent. You're hoping to catch a few fish on which to use the gas grill, but without gear, you're not sure this is even a viable idea.

You stand near the edge of the lake, noticing fish swimming in the water. You wish you had a pole, but wonder if the masters have a talent for fishing by hand, what with their speedy reflexes. "Can any of you fish with your bare hands?" you ask.

Caius agrees to try, proud of his vampire skills. He removes his shoes and rolls up his jeans, as do you. He steps into the stream, holding out his hand for you to follow him in. The water is cold, and you envy Caius for being resistant to extreme temperatures.

He bends over in the water and peers past the sun reflecting off the surface.

"Oh look, over there!" you shout, pointing a finger at a passing fish.

Caius is as still as a statue, his hands waiting close to the water. When the fish swims past him, his hands shoot out and grab the fish, then he tosses it onto the bank where it lies flopping on the grass.

You grab his arm, whooping it up, knowing dinner will be fresh fish tonight. You turn to Aro and Marcus, who are watching. "Sure you don't want to try?" you ask them. Aro responds by making a face, and Marcus waves a hand indicating he is more interested in watching. You turn back to Caius, your hands on his back while you cheer him on as he stalks another fish.

"Two should be enough, " you tell him. "Maybe three."

Caius waits patiently, then grabs for another fish, and again, throws in onto the bank. "One more," he asks, seeing you smile and nod your head.

His hyper-vision sees another coming their way. After a few minutes, he reaches out and grabs it from the water. He readies to toss it onto the bank, but is not in the best position, and loses his footing. You try to hang onto him, which is a bad mistake, and you both fall into the water. Aro and Marcus rise from their folding chairs, and flash to the lakeside, reaching out their hands to help.

Caius looks like death hunting for a victim, but soon begins to laugh. You are laughing and freezing, your teeth chattering from the cold. Caius picks you up and hands you up to Marcus, who takes you to the tent to change out of your wet clothes. Caius takes care of that outside the tent, then places the fish in a metal pail you had earlier filled with water.

Dressed in dry clothing now, you leave the tent to sit on the ground next to the masters chairs, to let the warm sun dry your hair.

You are reminded of the fish in the metal pail, and turn to the vampires. "So who is volunteering to clean my fish?" You rise to go fire up the small grill you bought at the sporting good store and wash the skillet in some of the bottled water. When you hear only silence, you turn to the trio. "Please, Aro, I don't like cleaning fish. Too much blood and guts. You guys love blood and guts."

"The human has a point, brother," Caius says.

"Caius, please? And...'the human'? Seriously?" You give him a nasty stare, wondering if it was a joke or a slip of the tongue.

"Don't antagonize him, child, or you'll be eating Pop Tarts for dinner," Marcus warns.

You roll your eyes, then turn back to Caius. "Please, Master?" You rarely call them by that term because they never demand it of you.

Caius comes to you, and dances his fingertips over your shoulder and down your bare arm. "And what do I get in return, little human? I firmly believe in quid pro quo."

You shiver at his touch, but you know he's just playing a game with you. You hope anyway, so you decide to play along. "And what would you want in return?" Since that day in the park, the masters seem to delight in showing you the relationship between you all has moved up a notch, even if only in fun.

"Just this." Caius leans in to kiss you, his tongue moving over your lips, then he backs up.

You swallow hard, saying, "I think I can give you that." Not that it matters, since he'd claimed his payment already.

Caius heads for the pail. Not needing a knife, he slits the fish bellies with his fingernail and removes the guts, washing the fish in the pail of water. Bringing up a bloodied finger to his lips, he tastes the creatures' red fluid. As soon as he swallows, he gags. The small amount of fish blood is expelled from his mouth along with a good portion of venom. "That is awful!" he cries out. "Wretched animal drinkers. How do they stand such deviant behavior!"

You go up to the poor sick vampire and thank him with a kiss to his cheek, before going to prepare to fry your fish.

By the time you've cleaned up after dinner, the sun has nearly set. You put out the two lanterns, more for yourself than the masters. You tell them camping tradition dictates ghost stories be told. You offer to go first.

You tell them about a young couple, who fall in love and marry. Caius sighs, uninterested in romance stories. You hush him and continue. The couple live a happy life together. But the husband has one question. Why does his wife wear a red ribbon around her neck, never taking it off. He asks her once and is told it's not important, as long as they are happy. He never asks again. Many years later, when the wife becomes ill due to her advanced age, he asks the question one more time. The wife says before she dies, that he may finally remove the red ribbon. When he does, her head rolls from her neck, falling to the floor at his feet.

Aro, the intellectual, frowns, wondering why her head had been removed in the first place, and then temporarily mended with a red ribbon. "How could she possibly live all that time?" he scoffs.

Marcus is quiet, thinking about Didyme, his own lost spouse.

Caius laughs. "Priceless," he says, chuckling loudly.

Everyone takes turns telling macabre stories, but you have a feeling the Volturi are sharing true reminiscing from their over-long existences.

It is late now, and you are yawning. Before you get ready for bed, you grab the lantern, some TP, and the wet wipes, and start to leave camp, heading into the trees.

"Aro, I have to go take care of some...personal business. I'll be right back." You start to go but a hand restrains you.

"We will go with you to protect you," Aro says.

"You will not!" You stop and turn to face the three vampires, holding up your hand, palm open to them. "This is private personal business. Something you three don't have to deal with anymore."

"We hear animal noises out in the woods," Caius said gravely.

You hear nothing, but know they have hyper-hearing as well.

"It might be a bear," Aro cautioned.

"It could be a wolf," Caius suggested.

"Suppose it's a mountain lion," Marcus warned.

"It's probably a raccoon!" you counter. "Why are you trying to scare me?" You stand with one hand on your hip, glaring at the trio of vampires.

"It's not safe, my dear, to wander around in the darkness," Aro states in reply.

"I won't be wandering around. And I have a flashlight. Look, sirs, this is private, do you comprehend? Private, as in using a tree as a shield for toilet duty!" You blush bright pink in the darkness you know the masters can easily see in. You watch Aro slowly grin, grateful he finally gets it.

"Now don't follow me. Just keep your ears open for any more animal sounds or Bigfoot or whatever, and if I scream, then come running."

"We will be ready to protect you in an instant, child," Marcus says before you smile at him and leave for the cover of darkness to tend to your business.

By the time you are ready for bed, you're so sleepy, you can barely keep your eyes open, so you bid the masters good night. They will stay outside, talking or whatever else they want to do. You kiss and hug each in his turn, then go inside the tent and light up the lantern on the floor of the tent's back room. You undress and slip on your sleep shorts with the matching sleeveless tank top. You brush your hair and use some of the water to tend to your teeth. Once you've done all that, you lie down on the opened sleeping bag, the room a bit too warm to sleep inside the closed bag.

You're lying on your side, when you hear someone enter the tent. Then you see Marcus peek his head through the divided canvas "wall" between the back and front rooms. Looking up, while you rest on one elbow. "Marcus, is something wrong?"

"No, child. I just wondered if you wanted any company until you fall asleep."

You smile, knowing it's Marcus who wants the company. You hadn't meant to sadden him with your ghost story. "Please," you say, scooting over. "Do you want to lie here on the sleeping bag? It's a bit warm and your body will cool me."

"Shall I undress then?" he asks in all innocence. "To cool you down."

"No! No thank you." All you didn't need was a naked Marcus lying next to you.

He quietly lies beside you, and peers at your beauty, a beauty he feels you don't realize you have.

You turn off the lantern and lie back down, your head resting on a small travel pillow. "Are you enjoying yourself, Marcus?"

"It has been a pleasant day," he replies.

"Perhaps next time, we can find a long term camp ground." you suggest.

"Or perhaps the guards would enjoy going, next time."

"Gotcha." You smile and lean in to give Marcus a kiss on his cheek.

You lie next to the tall master, remembering the day in the park, and how he had taken care of you after all three masters gave you pleasure by having sex with you. You reach out and touch his cold cheek.

Marcus takes your hand from his face and kisses the palm.

You lean in when he does this, tentatively kissing his cold lips. "Marcus, did Aro ask you to come in here?"

You can almost make out a smile on his face in the dark, now that your eyes are more acclimated. You scoot closer to him while he lies on his side. The coolness of his body feels good in the warmth of the tent. You hear no breath from his nose or mouth. You feel no rise and fall of his chest. He is a monster to some, a killer. You do not fear him, however. Nestling closer, you exhale, relaxed and feeling safe. And cool.

The next morning, someone comes into the tent and sets a cup of hot coffee next to you. You open your eyes to see Marcus gone and Caius standing over you. "Thank you, and how do you know how to make coffee?" you ask.

"I've learned a few things since your arrival." He pulls a package from his pocket and hands you Pop Tarts. "To go with your coffee. Then up you go. Aro wants to leave in a few hours."

"Of course." You smile at him as he leaves, then open the Pop Tarts and eat them in between sips of coffee. You wash up with some of the bottled water, and brush your hair and teeth. Finally you dress in shorts and an over-size T-shirt.

When you leave the tent to tend to your morning 'personal' business, the masters do not tease you this time. They merely watch you walk away, your legs highlighted by the shorts you're wearing. Knowingly, you yell as you go, "You guys need to get out into the world and mingle with modern women." Then you laugh.

Once everything has been packed away, all four of you climb into the SUV, and leave for Volterra.

"I hope you all enjoyed yourselves with a sample of camping out."

Caius and Aro agree, albeit unenthusiastically. Marcus drapes his arm around you, and whispers he enjoyed the time he spent with you last night.

Impulsively, you hug him. You wonder how you will ever leave this family you had accidently been inducted into. Actually, they probably won't let you leave, and that makes you happy. They have not killed you yet, so there must be something about you they like. You nestle against Marcus and watch the scenery pass until you reach Volterra, and home.

#volturi fanfiction #Summer fun #aro volturi x reader #marcus volturi x reader #caius volturi x reader #Poll story results #the Volturi

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zestyaahbutler · 11 months

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if nobody fills your inbox like i’m gonna fill heinkel’s ass, they’re not doing it right

HAD TO ASK MY FIRST QUESTION: since i want amulya away from those crusty white men for a minute, how do you think she is as a mother? and what was her brief relationship with integra like?

love your writing so much btw<3

Thank u sunslept, I will provide u with enough Amulya content as you ask for. I salute u in your Heinkel endeavors!!! I be going crazy at the fact that I have such a dedicated fan. Your comments and interactions have made me smile a bunch. I felt soooo bad for not getting this out the day you sent it in. I shall include a doodle for the inconvenience:

Fuck them old guys >:)

Amulya’s relationship with Integra

TW: mentions of suicide, questionable dynamics, mental illness, average Hellsing lore

Amulya was extremely happy to become pregnant with Integra. She first became pregnant with Integra almost 2 years. As I said before, her pregnancy was relatively normal. Her mental state has never been the best but it was at least manageable.

However, when the full scope of what the organization was revealed to her and Arthur mentioned Integra being designated as the eventual heir, Amulya was very much against it. She was dealing with a ton of emotions and hormones so finding out near the end of her term. For Arthur to lie about her and give her such big news felt like a huge betrayal. She didn’t want Integra to be involved with an organization that dealt with such heinous creatures. Even if it was for the good, she wanted Integra to be normal and grow up to be whatever she wanted. It felt too soon to expect their daughter in a leadership role. As worried as she was, she tried to understand Arthur’s views on the matter and suppress her own opinions.

Integra was born on October 27th, 1977, at 7:43 in the morning. Fortunately, she was a very healthy baby. Both Amulya and Arthur were ecstatic about Integra coming into the world. It was surreal for her to hold and get to know someone who had been growing inside her for nine months. Even as happy as she was, Amulya developed post-partum depression. She couldn’t say why she felt as sad and guilty as she did but it was an overwhelming amount. She would often cry about how she felt horrible for bringing such a pure human being into the terrible world. She wanted to leave that terrible world and would feel even worse. She was scared of holding Integra herself. Amulya couldn’t bare the thought of somehow hurting Integra. Amulya was also terrified of being alone with her. For months, she relied on nannies, maids, or Walter for helping with Integra. She had a routine of having them hold Integra while she sits next to them. If she ever hold Integra, it was for short amounts of time.

Amulya felt like an inadequate wife and mother. She had difficulty sleeping. Integra would wake up at odd times at night which didn’t help. She was scared of Integra possibly dying in her sleep. While she trusted everyone to look after her and had more help than she could’ve asked for, there was still always the feeling something could happen. The worst times for her were when she would walk to Integra’s room at night sleep deprived and just look at her. Nothing in particular would happen but she would be thinking about taking Integra and leaving, strangling Integra so she wouldn’t have to live in such a world, or taking her own life. She never acted on hurting Integra but those thoughts were the ones that made her too scared to hold her.

Arthur was supportive and tried to ease Amulya’s mental state as much as he could. One of the steps he took to help was using one of the organization's psychologists to help Amulya process the information on the organization much better. This was an older woman who had kids herself and was plenty experienced with helping victims with trauma regarding the supernatural. This woman played a massive part in Amulya becoming more comfortable with the organization and keeping her spirits up.

Arthur was always a very busy man. He always loved Integra since she was born. There were just not a ton of opportunities for him to take time off.

After almost a year, Amulya was able to hold Integra on her own. She even had Integra sleep in the bed with her. Due to her less-than-stellar start to motherhood, she tried her best to make up for it by spending as much time as possible with her daughter. She designated time for herself and for her hobbies but spent the majority of her time raising and doting on her. Amulya wanted to be there for every milestone. Not that Arthur would ever want to break her heart, but Integra’s first word was said around him. Amulya and Arthur were both present when Integra took her first steps. Amulya felt more and more whole seeing Integra growing up. She even saw bits of her personality forming. Integra wasn’t too needy but when she was set on something, she would throw a bit of a fit. It didn’t help that Amulya would give in. These fits were mainly Amulya putting her down for more than a few minutes or not being able to give Integra to Arthur while he was working. This resulted in Amulya spending some days in the office with Arthur while holding Integra. She even had a couch put in his office so she would have somewhere comfortable to sit.

Amulya adored how Integra looks. Her looking so much like Arthur was the best to her. Integra’s hair was blonde to her surprise. She doesn’t have a clear idea on how the genes were that strong but she wasn’t ever unhappy with it. She was excited to get Integra her first haircut but was destroyed at some of her beautiful hair being cut off. She styled Integra’s hair in bows and clips. She dressed her in fancy outfits and hats. The accessories would come off while Integra was playing but was sure to take pictures of her before they did. Amulya was very excited for the holidays so she could dress Integra up for parties.

Amulya was picky choosey on who she allowed around Integra. She never had a good experience around Richard. He wasn’t allowed alone with Integra or even hold her. She was convinced that he always had a different motive than getting to know his niece.

She was ore than happy to show off Integra to the members of the round table. If there as a meeting, there was a chance of Amulya popping in for a brief distraction to announce that Integra had woken up from a nap.

While she was a very caring mother, she still dealt with depression and anxiety. This might be a little weird to say but just because she was very happy doesn’t mean she never had intrusive thoughts or episodes. The times that she was really bad were impulsive decisions. She never regretted Integra, she regretted being the one to be her mother. Ultimately, she felt like she was too weak and too much of a burden to the people around her.

Just me talking: I hope that helps! <3 If anyone has any more questions, drawing requests, or story requests regarding Amulya, let me know. I apologize for taking a while to respond to this. I got a little too passionate about my small story with her and Walter.

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ophiocordyceps · 11 months

Text

fallen gabe and reconstructed v2's descriptions under the cut for those who arent on artfight and wanna know about these guys

Gabriel:

he/him

After killing the Council and leaving Heaven for the final time, Gabriel was sure he was destined to die, and he was fine with that, feeling as though he had made his peace with his upcoming bout of mortality.

He and the Council were both wrong, however.

Now permanently severed from the Light of god, he effectively sealed his fate as a fallen angel, though what he (and the rest of Heaven) did not know was what exactly that meant.

In Treachery, he would encounter V2, half-dead and unwilling to fight, rather it would go on to strike an initially-begrudging alliance with the angel, bound over a shared goal: to hunt down V1.

While much of the driving force behind this plan was provided by V2, Gabriel still tagged along as it drove the two of them back up through the layers of Hell, and as he did, he would notice his body changing.

Angels, especially fallen ones, are more like strange arthropods than anything else, especially resembling insects. An angel will typically not just outright die when stripped of their light; as an inherently divine entity they still retain a small amount that's enough to keep them alive, however they do end up "falling"--the tight control god once had on their physical form is lost and begins reverting to a more natural and organic state. Gabriel would be no exception to this.

As a proper fallen angel, Gabriel is an even taller (over 8'6") and imposing figure. His halo has become a set of horns and his wings are shattered and split into four long limb-like appendages (think malicious face spider legs but more weaponized). His armor, or rather, carapace is duller and tarnished looking, with the segmentation between plates being more organically divided. He has a pair of sharp, hooked raptorial limbs (like a mantis) connected close to his waist and his legs are completely rearranged into an insectoid form. The front plate of his helmet is largely missing to reveal what at a glance seems to be a void, though also revealing several spider-like eyes around the still completely intact (and untarnished !) cross that once decorated the helmet. The golden spike has split into wasp-like mandibles and large, wing-like lamellate antennae often cover his face in spite of everything else. The [name for whatever the skirt armor plates are] are fused together in the back and extend into a scorpion tail. also his fingers are clawed.

bro is fucked up !!

optionally, at some point well into the future a few more changes happen over time:

- his bodyplan gets a little less strictly humanoid. playing fast and loose with it

- exposed "skin" gets a layer of fuzzy scales like a moth

- at least one set of the appendages that used to be his wings finally heal into a new set of cicada- or mantis-like wings

- he no longer has the cross from his helmet embedded into his face

- just generally seems way healthier if you know what healthy would look like in an angel ("normal" angels are like god's unethical dog breeds as is)

V2:

it/she Just barely surviving its second fight with V1 out of nothing short of sheer luck or a miracle, V2 was left to drag its utterly broken body out of the scorching heat of Greed in order to try and piece itself together again, physically and mentally. It did not believe it should have survived, only having done so out of chance. It started to see itself as something of a ghost, and there's only one thing your average ghost is after: revenge. Delving deeper into Hell in search of parts and fuel, it, at some point, got ahead of V1 once more and found itself in the frozen wasteland of Treachery, where it would encounter Gabriel. It knew about him, and could accurately guess what they had in common with each other, leading it to try and forge an alliance with him in order to take on V1 one last time, leveraging the fact that both of them had been defeated individually by it previously. It was going to kill its predecessor at any cost. Even if it was taken down with it. Heading back up through Hell, it would form a bond with Gabriel as it tried its best to help him handle his...situation the best it could, going from simply allies to eventually friends (and then even later...uh. great question lmfao). The two would become nearly inseparable by the end of their shared journey. qpp more like the inseparable warrior's bond V2 is fairly short in comparison to Gabriel, only around 5'6" or so, even with the height boost its legs gave it. It's new legs were salvaged from a sentry, and are bird- or dromaeosaurid-like in their anatomy. It's left arm replacement is a tethered saw that can be launched and swung around, built into a swordsmachine-like arm. It's right arm remains intact but it has an extra "skeletal" arm on the same side. All but two of its wing blades are broken off. V2 is also very expressive, having modified itself for the purpose. It has small blade-like structures on the sides of its head that can be moved to convey its emotions, as well as a metal "eyelid" over its optic. Its wings often move and change color in accordance with how it's feeling (red = angry, green = scared, yellow = positive/neutral, blue = negative/neutral) After killing V1, it has a few differences: - its wings are repaired, with all 8 blades intact - it replaces its saw arm with V1's feedbacker (this actually happens before it dies lol) and also reobtains it's knuckleblaster and whiplash - it replaces its skeletal left arm with V1's left arm, giving it anywhere from 3 to 5 arms total Optionally, well into the future: - it builds itself a raptor-like mechanical tail for better balance with its legs. the "feather"-like structures are built to match its wing blades - if you go REALLY far ahead it eventually develops some synthetic angel wings for itself after studying angel anatomy for a long ass time it is strong enough to pick up gabe. just so you know.

#ultrakill #v2 ultrakill #gabriel ultrakill #rev2 #bugriel

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gwemmieee · 1 month

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Happy trans day of visibility. This is the first one I feel like I can really celebrate, because my life has finally started.

This year, having a real family that loves me unconditionally is new to me. Having a support network that puts effort into being there for me is new to me. Being able to meet other people like me in person and feel like we can all exist without fear is new to me, and amazing. Having a safe home where I can truly relax and stop feeling like I'm under attack by my family, by the world, by societal pressures, by lack of food/ housing security, etc., is new to me.

The fact is I didn't actually know what safety and love were until other people showed me. Despite a lifetime of obsessively studying it and trying to show it to others. It just doesn't sink in until you experience it firsthand.

2 years and 2 months ago I made the decision to stop suppressing who I really am. 2 years ago I made the decision to not unalive myself in the hospital after an accident resulting in permanent disability. 1 year ago I made the decision to leave the only home I'd known and the only family I'd known to go try to build a brand new life with brand new people in a brand new place. A few months ago I made the decision to stop turning all of the world's pressures inward on myself and finally allow myself to breathe. For my whole life, I've only ever made the healthiest choices available to me at the time. But these specific choices were the best decisions I ever made.

After 29 years of learning and knowing nothing but how I can best survive in the toxic masculine, misogynistic, transphobic, ableist, cruel, unfeeling, and downright predatory environment that I used to call home, how to survive when all of the closest people to me only value my usefulness to them and not my humanity, in 2024, I'm finally starting to learn how to do anything else. How to be anyone else. How to be myself.

Now, I get to start actually growing up and becoming who I've always wanted to be. And it feels amazing.

But it's not all amazing and good feelings all the time. 3 decades of trauma and a fascist colonialist capitalist state don't just go away.

Seattle is the safest place I've ever heard of for our people, and it's amazing how much better it is than anywhere else, but the overall treatment we get from society is still far below the bare minimum that less marginalized folks take for granted.

I still don't feel safe being outside by myself and carry pepper spray everywhere. I still feel alienated and unwelcome among my own people half the time simply because most people don't handle trauma very well. I still am objectively just one big financial hardship away from homelessness. I still am too burdened by trauma and stress and disability to actually work a full time schedule for all 12 months in a year, and working such a schedule at all still comes with severe mental and physical health risks, and there is simply not enough support from society to change that right now, but I'm having to make it happen anyway if I want to stay housed and fed.

I'm at the point now where for a few days out of the week on average, I get to actually feel happy and healthy on the level that most people take for granted. And it's amazing. But like clockwork, every time I feel that great for a few days, I inevitably have nightmares followed by a slow and heavy morning in which I just can't stop thinking about my past trauma. I'm trying to learn how to channel it better so that I can at least feel OK about times like these. Someday I want to be an accomplished author, musician, etc., but right now I'm only just learning from scratch how to begin to communicate my darkness in ways that are comprehended and healthy. With stuff like this tumblr post.

Ultimately, I think I'll be OK, but only because the people who can help me choose to help me, and I still need so much more help.

But most of all, I want you to have a specific takeaway from reading this. This might be starting to change now, but throughout my life, most of the people who got to know me enough to perceive all my scars, all the flaws and ignorances and miscommunications that still plagued my behavior at that time, would cut and run. They would make assumptions about me as a person and decide that they no longer wanted to have anywhere near as close a relationship with me. And without actually communicating a word of any of that, they would instead just flip that switch where they think of me as a person to the off position, and they would ghost me.

And I get it. I ghost people too. I stop giving eye contact to strangers on the street who gave me bad vibes. I cut people out of my life when they've knowingly crossed clear boundaries that I defined because I needed those boundaries respected to feel safe. These are safe and healthy things to do. I personally have seen most of the old friends from my old life that I still had, exit my life now in the past half year, simply because I put my foot down on boundaries I needed and they decided they liked their fictional version of me who didn't have such boundaries better than the real me.

But one thing I have never done and never will do, is get so close to someone that we start opening up to each other on some level, and then run away without a single attempt to clearly communicate boundaries and give them a chance to be better.

That shit is why I took so long to figure out what I was missing in my life. When you do that to someone, you leave them with every reason to suspect they've done something wrong, but no information to figure out exactly what it is they did that was wrong. So they start filling in the blanks with their own biases and misconceptions. Oh, I guess I scared her off by being too weird because I'm so autistic and effeminate. Oh, I guess he hates me now because I was too emotional. Oh, I guess they stopped inviting me to parties because of how annoying I am when I start talking about a subject I'm passionate about. Oh, I guess they're all doing better than me because they're better than me at just getting over all of these insecurities and being more charming and interesting, and that's why they're finally getting to marry someone who really loves them and have their happily ever after.

It's much worse when you're also brainwashed by your abusive family to think their conditional acceptance and inconsistent episodes of intolerance or hypocrisy are all normal healthy family behaviors. You start internalizing everything about you that they've ever disapproved of. You start burying everything about yourself that nobody has been brave enough to love, which in my case was everything about myself, period.

This becomes a source of trauma. It is literally a trauma trigger for me now every time someone who I've been given reason to think would likely understand me and want to get to know me, doesn't. It's the worst kind of trauma trigger, because just like when an edgy comedian singles you out for your marginalized identity, I do not get a chance to have any dialogue with the person who triggered me about how they hurt me and why, and if I don't have real love and support from others in my life, then the whole experience teaches me to be more selective and hypervigilant with who I let myself hope might treat me like a full person and how much of myself I let myself express outwardly. This is what it is to have abandonment issues and RSD.

And it is hard to go on living like this even after my happy ending. Yes, I have real family now. Yes, I have a support network and real access to my community now. But for the rest of my life, I will always be cursed with a harsh truth about the world. I will always intensely identify with a category of people who more often than not will hurt me given the chance. Because at the end of the day, most people are awful at handling their trauma in healthy ways without hurting others, and marginalization only makes you more likely to have more trauma that makes you more harmful. Marginalization raises the bar you have to cross in order to survive and have a positive impact on the world, based on how kind a person you are. It lowers your chances of ultimately being a good person. That's the biggest reason why marginalization needs to end.

I am fundamentally an amazing person. I'm tied with a few others as the most patient, kind, inviting, understanding, and compassionate person I know. But it doesn't always look that way to other people. I've spent so much time in hell that I have rough edges that I never asked for, that I wound never have had if it was up to me, that are a direct result of abuse and trauma. But sometimes, when people see those rough edges, and they can't fathom on their own that I have just been through that much hell that I internalized some of it, they choose to make assumptions and leave. And it's their loss, because if they'd stuck around then they might have noticed that my natural state is to bend over backwards to help someone else feel comfortable. I truly love learning new lessons about how to help people feel more comfortable and I'm really good at learning them quickly and permanently adjusting my behavior. And they miss out on all of that because they weren't willing to even try. But before now, it was my loss too. The primary reason I took 27 years to figure out my gender, 28 years to figure out my family was always going to be abusive, and 29 years to figure out that I can escape all of that and be happy, is because it simply took that long for less than a dozen wonderful people to find me and actually give me a chance.

And again, I get it. This shit can be scary. If you're seriously considering ghosting someone without communicating first, then I'm willing to bet they hurt you or scared you so much that you're struggling to empathize with them as a person. That's why it's so easy not to think about what ghosting them might do to them. I have had so many moments where I was so afraid of communicating with that person that I was shaking from fear and belaboring over it for hours. And let me be clear, nobody should ever have to feel that way. If a situation like that is scaring you that much, please consider your own safety first. But that doesn't mean you have to ghost them. These kinds of situations are exactly why we've invented practices like mediation and setting boundaries. These are fair and rational ways to come to an understanding when we're so scared that empathy isn't enough. Take a break from thinking about it, if you have to. Nobody needs to hear from you immediately. There is nothing wrong with taking some time to ground yourself and separate yourself from that situation until you can come back to it from better place. Just remember that if you've made them feel like you're a friend they can trust, then you owe it to them not to break that trust. All you have to do is communicate clear boundaries one time, and then if they keep being awful, then they've broken your trust and it's fair to ghost them.

So please, be safe, and set boundaries, but also, please communicate those boundaries and give others a chance. There are so few of us out there who are kind enough to respect every clear and fair boundary we know of, and every single one of us has very little hope of survival until someone else like us gives us a chance. There are too few of us. We are too valuable. Please lift a finger to help each other.

This, I think, is the biggest lesson that everybody needs to learn next if the world is going to become safer for us anytime soon. Happy trans day of visibility!

#transgender day of visibility #transgender #transfemme #transfem #trans mtf #trans femme #trauma #healing #abandonment #emotional abuse

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yanderes-of-inkwell · 2 years

Note

Yoooo can we get a Dr. kahl Head canon!

Dr. Kahl - General Headcanons

Note: Sure! Here you go! Word Count: 1.2k Warnings: Delusional mindsets, emotional manipulation, implied kidnapping, mentions of mental breakdowns, obsessive behaviour.

♤ Having spent the majority of his life focusing on his inventions, Dr. Kahl has come to view himself as a scientist first and a person second. His relationships with others, even those with his friends and family, have always come second to his work as an engineer, which most would attribute to him “having a loose screw”. Dr. Kahl, on the other hand, views it as a mere preference and nothing more. After all, machines are driven by logic rather than emotion, and they don’t require him to display any amount of decent social skills, which he’ll be the first to admit he’s never had. His reclusiveness may be off-putting to some, but he doesn’t care; other people’s opinions have always been meaningless to him, and besides, it’s not as though he’s completely alone. He has the Automaton, who he thinks of as a son, by his side, and as far as he’s concerned, he’s all the company he needs.

♡ And this is exactly why he’s as shocked as anyone when he begins developing feelings for his darling. Whether they met during one of his rare trips to the shops, or while they were searching for scraps in the junkyard, or because the Automaton found them fascinating enough to point them out to him, the circumstances of their meeting are irrelevant. No matter what, he comes out of it feeling strangely charmed and wanting to explore these newfound feelings they’ve awoken in him. He’s unable to get them off his mind, both to his curiosity and annoyance, which is why he begins seeking them out soon after their initial meeting.

♧ As previously stated, Dr. Kahl has very poor social skills, which makes befriending them quite an arduous process, but he pushes onward nevertheless. His interest in them only grows as he does, and before he realises it, they’re on his mind nearly every second of the day. Even when he busies himself with working on his latest invention, they remain in the back of his mind, the memory of them almost haunting. He tries everything he can to rid himself of his affections for them, even refusing to see them for a period of time, but all his efforts only result in his obsession growing worse.

◇ It takes some time, but eventually, he comes to accept it, once he realises all his efforts have been for naught. He’s a man of logic, after all, and sees no point in wallowing in his frustrations when there’s a problem at hand. The best he can do is attempt to solve it, and in this case, that comes in the form of embracing his obsession. He figures that just this once, indulging in his human desires may be beneficial, if only because doing so would give him peace of mind.

♤ Their relationship is a unique one, to say the least. Due to his lack of romantic experience, his only source of knowledge in regards to romance comes from what he’s seen and heard from others. Despite having what he believes to be a solid grasp on what a romantic relationship should entail, his “knowledge” tends to fail him more often than not. Nevertheless, what he lacks in experience he makes up for in enthusiasm. Though he may not be outwardly emotional, Dr. Kahl still finds ways to express his fondness for his darling, usually through actions rather than words.

♡ This includes managing their meals for them, making sure they get enough sleep, keeping them from overworking themselves, and so forth. And while he may be extremely overbearing at times, his heart is in the right place, and he hopes his darling is understanding of this (which they likely are if he’s fallen for them). For the most part, their relationship seems healthy. Not conventional, but healthy. Even the Automaton, after being unsure of what to make of them at first, has warmed up to Dr. Kahl’s darling and now views them as a second parental figure.

♧ Cracks in their relationship only begin to show after their first falling-out. It could be something as minor as him being jealous that they’re spending a lot of time with someone else, or it could be something as major as a massive, emotional argument that threatens to cause the end of their relationship. Regardless, this event makes him realise something: they could leave him. Now, to be clear, he’s always known that their relationship ending is a possibility, but it’s a scenario he’s never given much though to. Even if he doesn’t want to admit it, the thought of losing the only genuine connection he’s been able to form with another human deeply scares him, to the point where dwelling on it could induce something as severe as a mental breakdown. For this reason, he’s never entertained the idea before, until he suddenly realises how very real the chances of it happening are, slim as they may be.

◇ It’s only after this point that Dr. Kahl’s mental state begins to steadily deteriorate. Of course, even as it does, he’s still able to hide it fairly well. He may not be an expert when it comes to emotions, but he is very in-tune with his own, and he knows his gradually declining mental health may scare away his darling. Thus, he tries to be as discreet about his concern as possible. His usually overbearing behaviour becomes the slightest bit more intense; he starts encouraging his darling to stay in more; he convinces them to become more and more dependent on him as time goes on - nothing immediately noticeable, but a pattern can definitely be seen once you take a look at the bigger picture.

♤ To remove any suspicion from himself, he also gets the Automaton to help him. The robot takes no issue with this whatsoever; he’s become quite fond of his inventor’s partner since they entered his life, and if he requires assistance in keeping them around, he is more than willing to provide it. While he, much like Dr. Kahl, has a shaky understanding of emotions, he does know enough to understand that guilting them into staying via their emotional attachment is an easy way to keep them around. He becomes especially dedicated to helping him once he realises just how much he’s come to emotionally rely on them; even if he’s aware that Dr. Kahl’s feelings for his darling are unhealthy, he will almost always prioritise his happiness over theirs, so the odds of him going against him are practically nonexistent.

♡ However, if all of his efforts to keep his darling by his side fail, Dr. Kahl is neither afraid nor ashamed of using force to do so. It’s not a path he wants to go down, but if he’s gotten to the point where he has to use force to keep them around, he will eventually stop caring after a while. He wants them to be happy, of course, but if that comes at the cost of his mental well-being, he’s willing to be selfish. When he thinks about it, perhaps he really is the deranged recluse everyone believes him to be, but that doesn’t faze him. As long as he has his darling, the rest of the world can burn for all he cares.

#cw yandere #cuphead #yandere cuphead #dr kahl #yandere dr kahl #dr kahl x reader #headcanons

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bluedishsoap · 10 months

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toby nat and jeff (the saga)

i keep lamenting about nobody knowing about my creepypasta interps but i realized i could amend that by just Talking about them. so today i’m going to tell you guys the saga of toby, jeff, and nat (or at least a brief overview of it). would love suggestions for a name i can use to refer to this part of my cpp universe/this trio.. if i find a catchy enough name i will go back and tag all posts about them with it

during the events described in this post jeff and toby use he/him and nat uses she/they but still considers herself a chick (after the events of this saga they end up coming out as genderfluid and switch to using all pronouns)

heed the content warnings in the tags!

it all starts when jeff, who’s fresh out of highschool, meets natalie after getting a black eye in the mosh pit of a local punk show. nat pulls them out of the pit and has an ice pack on her for this exact situation, and soon they exchange contact information and become friends. nat lives by herself and jeff doesn’t, so he ends up coming over a lot. they dye each others hair and listen to crass and discharge, amongst other bands.

a year later jeff’s starting college, and in my canon he gets horrifically hazed freshman year (they cut gashes into his cheeks, that’s how he gets his signature smile). he ends up killing the perpetrators around a month after the fact. this makes him a wanted criminal, and so he decides he’s gonna gather his shit in a backpack and leave the state. he goes to nat, who is working a shift at this dingy slushie shop when he approaches her, and says “hey. i’m leaving town. i’m giving you until the end of this week to decide whether you want to come with me.”

nat chooses to tag along, and they make it all the way from maine to illinois (you might wanna look at a map of the US if you’re not from here, but basically from the northeast to the midwest) before they run into toby. toby's originally from vermont, but he's been on the road since he turned 17 because he doesn't really have a home to return to; his mom thinks he's fucking dead and so does the government. he's also trying to escape the slenderman's influence because he isn't really up for doing its bidding. (he actually does manage to escape the range of its control, but because he keeps hallucinating it when its not actually there, he doesn’t realize this.)

but yeah. toby runs into nat and jeff and they end up hitting it off to the point where toby starts tagging along on their saga. others have tagged along before and will continue to come and go, but toby nat and jeff stay a trio for 4 years. sometimes people who get in their way end up dying, but they try to make this a rare occurrence so pigs aren’t onto them.

now some of you might be inclined to think this time was as blissful as can be (and of course they did find their own form of joy within their ever-changing circumstances) but all three of them were all suffering from the psychological aftermath of a lifetime of trauma, and a complete lack of mental health support. (which is not fun when all three of them suffer from some form of psychosis). they also find themselves addicted to a large array of substances, the most notable one being heroin. (toby specifically also struggles really bad with alcohol) they each have mental health crises that sometimes come to life-or-death, but even while hurting each other and themselves they stick together. it’s not healthy in the slightest, but it’s the best arrangement they can manage for a good few years.

it all comes to a head when they’re all on a mix of different things, which by itself isn’t an uncommon experience, and neither is the yelling, the rising tension. here’s where i’m gonna have to give a brief rundown of events, because it would take me so long to fully articulate what each person was experiencing in this moment. jeff is going through a really bad psychotic episode and nat only escalates it (she’s usually better at handling this situation, but so much of it is out of her control, out of everyone’s) and it really seems as if she’s mocking jeff’s hazing, as if she’s taunting him for what he’s been through. jeff ends up cutting the same smile into nat’s face, and the rest is a blur for all of them. the morning after, nat wakes up with makeshift duct-tape-steri-strips sealing the wounds on her face, all applied by toby. the three of them are equally mortified at the events that transpired the night before. it is the first time it has really set in that what they have together isn’t sustainable. and for the first time since they all started traveling together nat feels unsafe and scared, the trust she used to have with jeff completely fractured after what happened. she can’t keep staying with him anymore, even if she still considers him their very best friend.

so she leaves, and toby goes with her.

#hazing #murder #substance use #addiction #drug addiction #psychotic episode #that escalates to violence #but not in a 'psychosis is evil' way because it's not and if u try to perpetuate that shit ill block u so fast!!!#sui ment #wound description #<--- content warnings #sudz and dudz #jeff the killer #creepypasta #natalie ouellette #toby rogers #ticci toby #long post #toby nat jeff

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firespirited · 1 year

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Station Eleven

I very nearly tapped out - at the end of episode 1, I was dissociating heavily, remembering [redacted paragraphs on paragraphs of stream of consciousness trauma-dumping].

So you know by now that I was burned out on the post apocalyptic genre by my teens due to the ableism, misogyny and really bungled racial metaphors... but reviewers that I trust said this was different. Even so, I was going to drop this... but... uh since I was mentally spiralling thought maybe I could break it by pressing "next" and getting engrossed in whatever comes up... and boom: there was a disabled person front and center, not a skilled killer or doctor or anything superskilled, a disabled actor playing a disabled actor thriving in the future. If that had been in episode 1, it would have had me at hello. If there hadn't been an episode 2 on my hard drive, I was going to watch Dark City.

It's a hard sell, ten hours of people working through the wreckage of a pandemic with multiple timelines and puzzle pieces? But it's done in a way that keeps you hooked and not with cliffhangers and 'this is going somewhere eventually' mystery boxes.

I'm not going to lie, I was ready to drop it again by the middle, the type of person these kids had become due to their circumstances was reverting to the classic imaginary dystopia "primal state" (once supposed to critique the present state of affairs but has become a lazy trope). And then in episode 7, they turn that on its head. Our protag finds a way to forgive the child she was and we realize there is going to be real growth. Not just compounded trauma: healthy dealing with past, present and future fears.

The final episodes were amazing. And worth the 6 first hours which are not a slog because the pacing's good but still quite the emotional toil. You will probably cry at least 10–20 minutes of the finale if not a full 30-40 like me.

Miranda's arc and art is the backbone and heart of this show, she's already seen the end of her world, a pandemic is just the latest mess. That resonated with me and I suspect will for many of you, the ones for whom the pandemic was a huge deal but also at least your third time on the merry-go-round of human apathy to outright cruelty, getting your heart broken by losing people you trusted and facing bureaucracies designed to break you. I relied not just on art but seeing people who'd already felt like their world had ended before and gone through it who took this seriously with compassion not individualism guiding their actions and words. "Little apocalypses" like betrayal or poverty or a body falling apart.

And that's the story really, the art of people who've felt the world collapse and managed to put that into words and metaphors, it carries us. Shakespeare is used to heal multiple people's emotional wounds in this story but so does Miranda and her graphic novel.

This is the part where you go to YOURNAME.tumblr.com/archive/2020/12/ and look to see if you talked about any media that helped you during lockdown.

I recommend Station Eleven if you're looking for a twist on the dystopia genre, if you're ready to do a little exorcism on things you might not have dealt with yet (because it's ongoing *shakes fist*) and like stories written by women about women that also have a wide diversity of scope. A post apocalypse with no rape threats, no coercive pregnancies, no religious compounds with harems, no selling sex for food or shelter.

If you'd like to imagine TLOU's Ellie finds family with a travelling music and theatre group, deals with her attachment issues, is friends with her ex-girlfriends, learns enough emotional maturity to help others in crisis. This might be for you.

As always check doesthedogdie as there is violence, there is pandemic imagery, there is emotional violence and mental illness, there is a cult of traumatized children and teens who've grown up without parents and ethical frameworks and they're completely unfazed by death: that's some tough subject matter.

#saf #movie reviews #and also tv #station eleven #long post

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dianalolihikki · 1 month

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Hey!💜

Today, unfortunately, I didn't have my hair in two ponytails. Instead, I had it tied in two braids (even now I have my hair tied like this as I type this post). Braids are my second favorite hairstyle, so I didn't lose anything.

💮💮💮💮

On the way to physical therapy, B and I discussed the E's negative behavior, and we often do that. I also have to admit that sometimes E and I talk about B's traits I don't like.

I guess such a thing shows hypocrisy on my side. However, I'm not sure I feel guilty, although I probably should.

I can't recognize my emotional states until they are extreme, but of course that doesn't excuse me.

💮💮💮💮

As planned, E and I went for a walk where there are lots of stairs. There were actually a lot of them. When we climbed these stairs our eyes showed a park,behind the park is a church. All this is on a mountainous area. Of course, we weren't there for the first time.

We practiced seemingly very simple things. For a brain-damaged person, however, it is not always a piece of cake.

I sat on a bench with no backrest and E walked further and further away from me. I had to overcome my fear of falling.

Then I overcame my fear of falling in walking. True, I walk on three-legged crutches, but I still panic when someone doesn't walk beside me.

Today I walked ten steps away from E on the grass. Then I increased the number of steps.

Despite the fact that I only walked like this for upwards of fifteen minutes,my legs ached a lot, probably more from stress than physical fatigue.

E said that I was very brave and as a reward took me to McDonald's for ice cream. They were delicious as usual.🍦

💮💮💮💮

Let me return to the topic of the park for a moment. Despite the early hour, I saw many teenagers there. When I see them, it brutally occurs to me that I'm not one of them and haven't been for a long time. Oddly enough, I never envied them being healthy. I just feel very sad that I'm not one of them,or at least that's how I feel.

It is very unfair that I am no longer fourteen!!!! Why? Am I mentally ill? Or is it some strange form of mid-life crisis?

One of these girls in particular was beautiful. Exactly what I imagined the main character of my novel to be.

I like to admire the beauty of girls aesthetically.

Besides, young people always seem beautiful to me.

💮💮💮💮

Despite what I had decided, I told E about the fact that I would have additional physiotherapy from the State project. I told her this while we were eating ice cream in her car.

Her reaction positively surprised me because she was happy.

The physiotherapist from the State project texted my mother today. Let's call him K

K texted that tomorrow he is going to my

GP to get the necessary paperwork, and he will also be in touch with my mom about the schedule.

On the one hand I want him to be my physiotherapist,and on the other hand there is some opposition in me.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm looking for another physiotherapist to befriend, to fill the void left by J.

💮💮💮💮

My neighbors who came to see me yesterday visited me again today. Again they brought me gifts. This time, in addition to field flowers, they gave me a seashell, a necklace, a bracelet, two small chocolates and a bookmark. They sat with me for a good hour, then later came again.

I seem to have had a nice chat with them, but overall I feel very uncomfortable with this relationship.

What should I talk to them about?

What about the parents of these girls?

What if these parents think I'm some kind of pervert? After all, even women can be them.

Unfortunately, these children do not want to give me peace. They want to accompany me tomorrow on a walk with B

You can call me: Diana - professional babysitter.

I agree with them in one thing: we all think that the neighbor's dog that I am afraid of is aggressive and its owners do not give a damn.

According to one of these girls, this dog attacked my dog today. As far as I could see, my dog was not injured.

💮💮💮💮

That's it for today.

I'm sleeping with the window open again. Outside, the frogs are giving their concert.

Again, I will show you today the J-pop group invented by me!⭐

#cerebral palsy #neurodivergent #neurodiverse stuff #physically disabled #hikikomori #teacher attachment #actually neurodivergent #older men crush #diary

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transpersian · 2 months

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hi, I came to your blog from the masterpost because i was wondering about all the broken links and if you’d deleted the posts. please forgive me if i’m out of line on any of this especially seeing as i’m a stranger, and feel free to ignore this ask if you don’t feel comfortable answering.

firstly, i want to say that i’m so sorry about your situation at the moment and the state of your mental health. as someone who also has bpd i can understand the long term devastation and the piling up of things making that so much worse. I’m glad you made the choice to separate yourself from something that’s causing you more pain and stress, and I hope that it helps you heal. my heart goes out to you.

not gonna dump on you here or anything, but i’m someone who has reached out to an abuser of mine after years had gone by, and reconnected. i forgave this person and we are still in contact. while I don’t excuse their abuse or forgive those actions specifically, I have grown enough to understand that we were both very young and very mentally ill, and we have both grown and learned a lot since then.

i tell you this because i very much empathise with your decision to speak with poppy again. from reading what happened to you, it’s clear you never got any closure and I hope that you at least gain that from her if nothing else.

my take on poppy is that she is very fragile and doesn’t do well coping and treating her mental illnesses. i empathise with her jealousy and feel of being abandoned or replaced. she doesn’t seem to me like an irredeemable or bad person, but she has done some very bad, abusive and inexcusable things that she needs to take accountability for. personally, i do not think she is healthy enough for a relationship at this time and especially not a poly one. she MOST DEFINITELY should not be in a parental or caregiver role to anyone, especially not those significantly younger than her. (zena, on the other hand, gives me huge TOXIC ABUSER DO NOT INTERACT OR APPROACH EVER signals, but that’s just my personal impression.)

sorry, i am rambling at this point but the original point i was trying to get across here is that the anons in your inbox telling you you’re a bad person or an abuse apologist for being in contact with poppy need to try to understand that the situation is so much more complicated and nuanced than what we are seeing from the outside. you’re doing what you need to do to heal and i believe that you should be free to do so without judgement (as long as you aren’t causing any harm, which it doesn’t appear that you are as of right now).

talking to her doesn’t mean you’re excusing what she’s done to you or even forgiving it, and it certainly doesn’t mean you’re excusing the horrible things she’s done to her child.

thank you for sharing your story, and thank you for being a safe space for survivors and others that have been hurt. you seem to me like a very strong and compassionate woman. take care of yourself, melina. your kind heartedness and inner strength have given me hope as a survivor of sa and abuse.

Thank you, anon.

I don't get asks like this very often these days. You wouldn't believe the number of asks I've gotten literally accusing me of betraying all of the people who trusted me (including and especially the survivors) literally just because I "wanted to ERP" with Poppy, which is... mind-boggling.

Even some of my own (former) friends don't understand what you've said here. So I needed this.

Thank you. 💜

#zenaandpoppy #poppy and zena #milena

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icybreaths · 5 months

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💍💍💍💍💍💍💍💍 (*holds the paste button forever*)

|| Time to talk about ships || @apocalypta-secundus ||

//Mila came in and left NO survivors, so now I'll proceed to not shut up!

Jewel and Kakos

OCxOC ship and both characters are mine. Their story is set in heavy themes of unbalanced power dynamics, PTSD, suicide ideation and attempts, domestic abuse/trauma, toxic love, murder attempts, and learning how to break free from that cycle. She dumped him in a fight where she severed his arm off. I could go for hours about them because they're rooted deep in one another and brought out the best and worst of each other, and those experiences eventually lead to the both of them getting help for their mental states. I don't forgive you but I'm grateful you were there when you were.

Jewel and Tetsuji

OCxOC ship and both characters are mine. Tetsuji was a fresh transfer from another division and he fell for Jewel right away, but she was still raw from her traumas from Kakos so she wasn't having it at first. Theirs was a slower build. They became friends first and through spending more time together and sharing things in common, Jewel softened around him enough to try a date, two, three... They got together but they didn't last. Jewel's power had increased to levels to where she was uncomfortable to touch for long or to have sex with (they're both sexual creatures so it was frustrating). Worst of all, she was repeating some of her abusive trauma related behaviors on Tetsuji and he wasn't having that. He dumped her in an argument. Jewel needed time to look at her actions and realize what she had done wrong, but when she tried to ask for forgiveness he wouldn't hear it. She knew she had lost something good. He was a genuinely good person. It was a reflective time for her. They eventually reconciled as friends. Then best friends. :')

Jewel and Grimmjow

CanonxOC ship and B O Y. I'd kill to have a partner to write this ship with. I have infinite muse for them. So many different ideas for a myriad of verses and AUs. Different dynamics. Plots. Art. Headcanons. My arsenal's overflowing with Them. I understand my open adoration of them may push some people away lmao but I just can't! Contain it! It's in my rules that none of my ideas are meant to force anything on anyone that writes him so I'm content to yell about them. I'd rather blab about them until my heart's content than hold it all in, otherwise here I'd be seven years later with no wall of blurbs on this blog or a ship pardner. At least I have one rn! I will say that I'm looking for key things with someone who portrays Grimm. Unafraid to be violent. Doesn't lean on 'cat traits' I see a lot in fanon (you do you if that fits your interpretation ofc!). Likes ladies lmaoo. And slow burn! They would take a fair bit of development to get to that shippy point (at least I feel that way. She's vibed with some Grimms in the past where they got on p quickly! So I don't rule that out.) Need a communicative partner (that doesn't mind plotting when needed.) I've yelled about them 23432t57823431 times but basically I'm super into them bonding as kindred souls that understand each other on an instinctual level, where they can 100% be themselves and not have to hold anything back. They're ride or dies while also not tying the other down. They're drawn to one another because the other's soul feels like home, maybe something else who knows. No one's eager to talk about it. Also I feel like even though they're both chaotic they bring out healthy traits in one another, even some subtle ones and that's juicy to me. I went ham on blurbing them here. Blurbs that link to more blurbs because my brain never shuts up about them. My brain's like: 'GrimmJe tho' and I'm like 'wow you're so right' single tear with feeling.

Jewel and Bazz-B

CanonxOC ship, with your Bazz ;D This one was all your fault, Mila!! Ofc after you brought it up to me it didn't take me long to see it. Fire and ice ship got me fucked up so they got their own verse. Here we are. Made me break my own shipping rules LOL. Glad I did because I adore them. Jewel finds him annoying but also endearing in some ways. He's a lil shit but not so bad that she'd toss him into a frozen lake probably. Given her past experiences (OC ships) she's unsure, but Bazz doesn't seem bad, minus them quarreling during the war ahem- but that was a different time. He's able to handle her coldness and zanpakuto, which is a huge thing to her. Skilled fighter. Difficult to defeat. A bit of a tease. Has nice hair? hello?? Gives her space but also enjoys her company. He has her interest. They're a ship that's a wip, but as of now they seem to have no problem hitting on each other. Jewel especially acts brazen at times. sorry if she comes off Strong at times tybw jewel loses fucks to give and it stays that way onward hwfweioifw There's a hesitation in Jewel here though. She wonders how he would perceive her in her most feral state, the worst rotting frostbite on her, just all the 'ugliness' of her out in the open. She has a better hold on her reiatsu and blade, but that old battle worn state of being can still resurface and make her look like a walking corpse skeleton. She's like, 'hmm that'd suck if that ran him off but this is fun for now, maybe he won't be bothered when he sees it. it is what it is.'

#apocalypta-secundus #[ asks ]#kakoje.txt #tetsuje.txt #grimmje.txt #bazzje.txt #geez this is long SORRY ABOUT IT---#i love her ships so much //weeps #longpost cw

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