practicing my subtle smile for my passport photo

Talking a little about MazM. Again.

You know, Erik's and The Persian's relantionship is probably the best thing about MazM adaptation. I've seen people criticizing it but honestly i have nothing to complain about it, considering how much frustrated i am with Erik's and Christine's relantionship. They were supposed to be: a very qualified teacher that is in love with his young student who eventually becomes his protegé. And, don't get me wrong, it's not like their relationship was healthy in the novel, after Erik was jeaously and Christine herself didn't show much comprehension when he needed (not counting his disguise as angel). But they were not enemies; it was totally the opposite. They had their flaws, but Erik NEVER forced himself physically against her and neither threatened her safety, the same way she never slapped him or yelled at him/mocked about his tragic past. Sometimes people forget this is a story about forgiveness, and not "uwu evil monster that kidnaps innocent girl". Aside that Christine HAD affection and fondness for Erik despiting her fears.

But MazM decided to turn Erik into a selfish ass-showing groomer abusive jerk whose 10 lines, 9 are threats against Christine and other random people. And for some reason they tried to "fix Christine's character" like if she was "weak" originally... because you know, being strong is being rude, antipathic and using your toxic teacher's abuse traumas as a weapon. Lol. Leroux Christine was strong and enough, no need to make her "dumb girl who helps everyone except herself and then **suddenly** becomes girlboss and kicks Erik's ass".

But this is not about Erik and Christine. Well, no fully. I just wanted to talk about Hatim (Daroga/The Persian) and Erik. These two little gay men.

The original novel never explained how they met and how/why Erik chose his name, but Mazm made a *perfect* retcom that fits completely with the characters they were supposed to represent. Daroga found Erik in the freakshow, he took Erik out of there and he named him. Daroga watched over him and stood by his side during his whole life, he was basically Erik's angel and saviour. In MazM, we have no India and no Little Sultana, Erik's worst abuse experience is replaced by the Sultan of Persian. This king was a sadistic psychopath pervert that loved to torture animals, people and specially Erik.

This situation is pretty, pretty awful. Erik was very, very, VERY young. When Daroga "adopted" him, he wasn't even at his 20. Erik was a young, traumatized and lonely boy who had no one else but Daroga to trust. The game let it clear that none of the people from the palace actually saw Erik as a person, no one cared for him, he was invisible. A young, traumatized, enslaved and invisible boy who was being horribly abused by a sick, violent, much older man (His Majesty). This scenario is extremely important to build both Hatim/Daroga and Erik as characters.

Erik was an orphan, and Hatim was the first person to ever show him kindness. The game also let it clear that Erik loved him as a father, he wanted a loving father instead of the cruel cunt that sold him to the freakshow. Erik needed a father figure. But what he got was more and more abuses from the Shah, and Hatim himself admitted he didn't actually replace Erik's father. Or, at least, he never admitted, with all words, that he loved Erik and cared for him. Sure, his actions showed that he was a person Erik could trust, but they never had a confirmation of their own feelings. Ther limit is calling each other 'old friend'. Erik is needy, traumatized, heartbroken and mentally/emotionally unstable, and his doubt over Hatim's fatherly love marked him a lot despite their fondness for each other.

And why Hatim never confessed or officially adopted Erik? Hear me out, if you actually played the game, you will certainly understand what I am saying. Daroga is gay, and he is in love with Erik.

Do I need to say more? Daroga was afraid of losing Erik during most of the chapters. He didn't teach Erik the difference between "good and bad" because he was afraid of losing him. He didn't reveal his identidy even after he kidnapped Christine, he is constantly trying to see a vulnerable side of his friend and all to have him on his hands. Toxic behaviour? Yes, but it does reveal that Daroga has much deeper feelings for Erik, but the fear of losing his friend and facing his own mistakes, his own feelings, his own faults, it's greater. Daroga is a conflicted man. Look at this line here.

Why does he feel that he is "walking further into to hell" because of Erik? What sins he confessed to god, sins caused by his connection with Erik? Daroga lives in a society that will never accept him as the way he is: he is a dark-skinned persian man that finds himself in love with another man. A man that comitted crimes, even if they were unintentional. All of this conflict explains many of Daroga's actions, such as keeping Erik unaware of his wrongs and manipulating him with the PTSD issue. It doesn't justify, of course, but it explains.

What sucks about all of this is the villainization of Daroga. Yes, he wronged a lot, but he shouldn't be considered responsible for "turning Erik evil". Erik was abused and unloved, who should be blamed for all the mess are his abusers. They fucked him up. He was a fragile, victimized, lonely boy and the world fucked his ass mercilessly. Instead of wasting time on blaming Daroga and trying to portray Raoul as a wise, conscient person (something he clearly isn't), the game should have worked more on how both Hatim and Erik feel about this whole situation. Like, other characters trying to tell how they should feel and act... doesn't work. We can't know too much about what the fuck is happening inside of Erik's head either, another way to bestializate and villainize him. Shit. But, taking from what he have in the game, my conclusion is:

Daroga and Erik were each other's hope, they clearly loved each other. Maybe in different ways, but still, they loved each other. But they were conflicted men, in a conflicted scenario, and they couldn't face their own pain, their own mistakes, and couldn't help each other. The ending was their CHANCE to be happy with each other, but Mazm chose the "suicide vangloriation" choice to give Erik an undeserved cruel doom. Yeah.

Good that we have FANFIC WRITERS TO SAVE THE DAY, HUH? But really, i love their relantionship in the game and i'm kinda upset they didn't have the courage to admit Daroga was gay.

jsaghka whats wrong with ok ko?

Okay so I will spoil the whole main plot of the series with it but there are 3 main problems I’m gonna get into with this series and it’s problems with character design, jokes on child neglect, and ableism with system caricatures. And this is coming from someone who enjoys the show before anyone thinks I’m just hating to hate on it. But again, these issues are so big for me that I would not recommend this show to anyone skjhskjf.

1. Issues with character design

Alright, so first off, please look at this picture of the majority of the women of the show and tell me what’s wrong with it?

Yeah! Almost all of them have the exact same body type! I’ve seen people praise ok ko with its diverse character design but if you boil it down, almost all the women have the same cinched waist and big hips. And for the characters the characters that do have different body types, it's almost unfair to compare them to the rest of the characters, like you can’t compare Carol to Rippy Roo because Rippy Roo is an actual animal. And you can’t compare Dendy to Enid, because Dendy is a child and Enid is a teenager. And for the Ladies that have an actual difference in body type, that’s like 6 characters out of how many? And to those characters that have different body types, the Hue Troops only show up for 2 episodes and even then the main focus isn’t on them so they barely get any screen time, Punching Trudy shows up for one episode to fight Punching Judy, Pheobe shows up for 7 episodes but she’s a background character and I don’t ever remember her speaking, and then there’s Foxtail. Foxtail is probably the only female character that has a different body type that has an important role in the story and shows up for more than just background appearances.

Compared to the men in the show, there is way more diversity but even then, there is a lot of making the upper half of them bigger and giving them tiny hips and legs. 

There is also the issue that kinda pisses me off is the racial ambiguity of everyone. Like most of the characters aren’t even human so whatever, but there are characters like enid that have darker skin but she has straight purple hair so what are we supposed to get from that? I mean, I guess there is some wiggle room for anyone that isn’t white to claim her but then you start to see that all these darker skinned characters seem to always have straight hair and that’s also a problem. The only character I can confidently say is black is foxtail and she has straight hair. And the only character that is said to have curls and an afro is RADICLES who is BLUE and an ALIEN! Like it makes me mad that our curly haired and black coded character is designed like this. Like, I get it, he’s an alien, he’s blue, he’s not human, BUT WHY DID HE HAVE TO BE THE ONLY ONE? WHY CAN’T THERE BE ANOTHER CHARACTER WHO IS DARKER SKINNED AND CURLY HAIRED? 

It’s so ironic given that ok ko has one of the BEST racism metaphors I’ve ever seen in episode 28. Dendy says kappas don’t need pow cards to be heros but it feels nice to be appreciated but this show is not making me feel very appreciated right now sjglksjgds.

2. Jokes about child neglect/abuse

OKAY! BOXMAN! I LOVE BOXMAN BUT WHAT THE FUCK?

Okay, so in the show, Lord Boxman has robot minions that he is constantly annoyed with the performance of and punishes them and yells at them. AND I WOULDN’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS IF BOXMAN DIDN’T REFER TO THEM AS HIS CHILDREN! It’s shown in the show that Boxman raised them as baby robots and they call him daddy and they have a very familial relationship. But it’s constantly joked about with Boxman saying how they never make him proud not taken seriously in the show. Like, in the second episode, one of the first things we see Boxman do is put Darrel in the furnace and Darrel says “I deserve this” BUT DON’T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY CUS DARREL IS A ROBOT AND HE’S BACK 2 SECONDS LATER! The robots get emotional over any sense of approval, like at the end of “Villains Night In” Darrel and Shannon literally fall apart after Boxman gives them shirts and says to “keep up the good work”, and the end of Plazalypmics, Darrel, Shannon, and Raymond get participation trophies and are really happy with that. Like, this isn’t normal.

The whole relationship between the robots and Boxman is actually pretty toxic and kind of bothers me sometimes. The robots seem to have a very intense sibling rivalry but it’s over the affection of Boxman, which is unhealthy but most of the time it’s just played off as funny joke for the tv. And it becomes even more apparent because episodes without Boxman, like Rad likes robots, it shows them getting along fine and even worrying about each other. And in season 2, Boxman comes back from the sun and Darrel stands up to him and says he doesn’t need him anymore, but one “I’m proud of you” from Boxman and Darrel is back to wanting his approval. LIKE ITS ALMOST NEVER FRAMED AS A BAD THING OR TAKEN SERIOUSLY! I AM NOT A FAN OF HOW THEY TREAT THIS! Like, I can admit it gets better after Venomous comes into the picture and Boxman has that realization of “oh I should be proud of my kids achievements” but to me it looks like this whole forgiving your abuser plot line and I fucking hate it! And Boxman still admits to incinerating his robots after the company switches over to his and Venomous’ ownership when discussing what to do to punish them and he says “I usually see improvement in my robots after I incinerate them.” 

And even if it got better, it’s still played off as a joke in all of season one and normalizes terrible behavior. Child neglect in tv shows, especially in children’s media, played off jokes and funny are never good and can be insensitive to children who are in these situations seeing it played up for laughs. You can argue that being on the villain’s side frames it as a bad thing but that kinda loses meaning in a show like ok ko where you start to see the villains as regular people and not necessarily bad, just “evil”. I just feel like this could have been treated so much better and not trivialized like this.

3. System Caricatures and ableism

Let me start off by saying, I am a singlet and I don’t have as much authority on this type of thing so feel free to correct me on anything I get wrong or add on in anyway. 

With that said, KO and TKO along with Shadowy Figure and Professor Venomous are terrible system caricatures. KO is 6-11 years old is prime age to develop a system, so when shadowy figure comes into KO’s life and traumatizes him, he splits. And so we begin our little “evil alter ego”(quoting the show! using this phrasing is terrible and should never describe a system like that) stereotype.

I’ve talked about OK KO with my friends who are systems and it makes them mad that this show had so many moments to be good system rep and then it turns around and fucks everything up! Like TKO could have been written well. TKO is very clear on stating he isn’t KO and is his own person but everyone still refers to him KO and treats him like a bad thing because he isn’t KO. And when TKO acts out due to being referred to as KO and rightfully being upset, they act like it is some evil act against them and they need KO back! Like, the show misses its own point so much!!! If they treated TKO like a person (which he is!!!!!) then half the problems they have wouldn’t be a problem in the first place. And TKO has done nothing wrong other than wanting to front! KO even talks about TKO as another person but they address him as such! 

The way people talk about TKO in this show makes me so mad, like when Dendy does tests on KO in “Mystery Science Fair 201X” to bring out TKO, TKO finally comes out to deal with the feelings KO can’t deal with and then they almost do it right when Dendy realizes she was the one that fucked up and then SHE APOLOGIZES TO KO INSTEAD OF TKO FSDGHSDFJ!!! And they always treat TKO as a threat as if he’s a danger! Like TKO’s a kid just like KO and acted out when the people around him upset him! Like a kid! And the last time TKO shows up in season one in the finale, TKO actually SAVES everyone in the plaza and leads the battle away from the plaza but because “oh but TKO is the evil” they go and try to stop him from saving them? Like yeah he got a little reckless but he only ended up hurting people in the plaza when Rad and Enid interfered. They treat him like a problem because they MAKE him a problem! 

Also, the moments where everyone tries to bring KO back by saying “you are loved” and all that, that’s actually really manipulative! Like, they’re using positive triggers to kick TKO out of front and that’s actually a really rude thing to do. They’re trying to bring to front who THEY want to see and it’s not fair to TKO who is fronting. It also goes the other way around when Dendy is experimenting on TKO to try and get him to front.

And then even KO treats him terribly, locking him in a cage, then keeping him in his head all the time, and then when he finally lets TKO out and TKO acts out from being locked in his own head for so long, KO then traps TKO in his subconscious. Which is terrible! TKO should be allowed to front and should be treated like his own person! It’s so weird how the show almost gets it right but then does shit like this that makes it terrible again. Like KO has a headspace and he creates things in his headspace and he talks to TKO like another person and they communicate their feelings but then the show turns this all on their head when KO locks TKO away and blames him for destroying everything when he’s the one trapping him in his brain. 

There is also the problem with TKO being the one with all the power and changing his appearance cus that all contributes to the system caricature. Also, TKO and KO integrating at the end of the series? ALSO VERY BAD AND HARMFUL CARICATURE! Alters are different people and they should be treated as different people and KO is not TKO all along THEY ARE DIFFERENT PEOPLE! And integration is possible but it’s usually not by choice. And even then, integration being the end goal of a story is a very ableist narrative and shouldn’t be written.

And it confuses me, why does shadowy figure have his own pow card but TKO doesn’t. Like, KO and TKO are established more as being different people than Shadowy Figure and Venomous so why doesn’t he get his own pow card? Like the end of season one, TKO fought the fight at the plaza and used his power to defeat Boxman jr but at the end KO ends up leveling up instead. And on the topic of TKO’s power, again, that shouldn’t be a thing. TKO and KO should both have access to the same power because they use the same body because that's how systems work! They use the same body!

And I know what the show was trying to do like “oh TKO is a manifestation of all the bad feelings that KO has!” but there are so many ways to do that without making a caricature of systems. Like if you didn’t make TKO a person then this would have been fine. Like if other people didn’t see TKO this could have been fine. There are ways to make a manifestation of your negative emotions without doing it like this. And the way this show did it is such bad writing, because you are meant to think TKO is this terrible manifestation of emotions but all you see is this scared kid who doesn’t know where he is and lashes out when he gets rightfully upset. BECAUSE LET ME REMIND YOU! TKO AND KO ARE BOTH 6-11 YEARS OLD! THEY ARE KIDS! THEY’RE SITUATION SHOULDN’T BE TREATED THIS WAY

And my guy shadowy figure...... bad. Shadowy Figure and Venomous’ is not only a terrible caricature but also very inaccurate. With KO and TKO, their system developed at the correct time as a child, but with Shadowy Figure and Venomous, they developed after Venomous got his snake disease. And, Venomous doesn’t even know about Shadowy Figure and that can be a result of dissociative amnesia but it’s really unfortunate. And again! the end of the series! Shadowy Figure and Venomous integrate into one entity and it’s terrible! Because they aren’t the same person and shouldn’t be treated as the same person! And again with the whole “evil alter ego”. Like Shadowy figure only exists to traumatize KO and make him split and create TKO. And the fact that they turn out to be KO’s dad??? Yikes??? Like again, these are terrible caricatures and are harmful to systems and should’ve been treated better in the show.

---

Like, I love OK KO, I used to hold this show very close to my heart and made me very happy to see this show with the amount of LGBT rep but looking back it was very bad in many ways. Like that racism episode I mentioned, that shit resonates with me! And I appreciate characters like Dendy and KO and I still love the boxbots and venomous, I just wished this show lived up to the potential that it had.

TL;DR: OK KO has a problem with misogynistic character design and colorism, normalizes child neglect, and has put out an ableist narrative with system caricatures.

Dabi SFW Alphabet

No warnings! Just fluff! Enjoy! :D

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?) he’s not very affectionate, but shows he loves you in his own way. He’ll let you stay the night with him on occasion and hold you in his arms. He’ll also let you touch his face, and he hates when people touch him. He’ll also get you small things. He’s never been in a real relationship, so he doesn’t know how they work. He asks Toga and Twice and gets you a teddy bear or flowers every once in a while. It’s rare, but always surprising and sweet.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?) he doesn’t really do friends that much, but he would definitely count on you and trust you to have his back. The friendship started when he broke into your house to hide out from the cops. You were watching a movie and eating popcorn and just sat there staring at him. You both stared for a while before you looked back at the tv and continued watching your movie. He was confused. You were just too tired to deal with anymore shit. You’d had a shit day with shitty people. He threatened to kill you, but you just blinked at him and commented about how beautiful his eyes were. He looked at the movie and instead sat and watched it with you until the cops left the area. You promised not to tell anyone in exchange for him never breaking into your house again. He broke the deal, but you never told.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?) he secretly likes to cuddle. He’ll act cool and irritated and complain you’re too hot, but he secretly loves when you cuddle him. He also likes to feel your smooth hands touch his scarred skin, makes him feel at ease. One thing he loves to do though, is spoon with you. (Ngl I had a five minute thought session of the spelling of spoon cause I thought it was different for some stupid reason.) feeling your body heat and being in complete control makes him feel powerful. He could burn you to a crisp if he wanted, but you’re the least annoying person to him, so that’d be a waste.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?) he’s a villain and has no intentions of settling down and getting married anytime soon. He believes marriage is just a new title for you both. If you know you love each other what’s the point in getting married? He’s good at cooking, but horrible at cleaning. He’ll leave all of that up to you.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?) He would either burn you to death cause you know too much, or kidnap you and keep you as a slave to the league. He’s not taking any chances of you spilling the beans to the heroes or anyone else for that matter. Always be cautious if you’re planning to end it with Dabi. Choose your words carefully or you’ll end up in ashes. When he breaks up with you, be prepared to be threatened.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?) he thinks marriage is pointless, and it would openly display a weakness to other villains and heroes if they knew this sinister villain were married. People wouldn’t take him seriously enough as a villain. That’s what he believes. However, if you annoy him enough he’ll give in so he can stop hearing you “bitch” about commitment. It turned out not to be that bad, except he melted his wedding ring a fight. Not on purpose. It’s the knowledge that he’s your husband officially now that makes you happy. And he’s all about you wearing your ring. It shows everyone you’re his.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?) he’s very rough and sadistic. If you fell and scraped your knee. He would kneel down acting like he was going to look at it, but would instead flick it really hard and grin at your pain. Eventually he’ll grab you a bandaid and tell you to stop bitching. Emotionally if you’re sad, that’s when he’s most gentle. If you’ve had a bad day at work and you’re crying, he’ll try to comfort you. “You look really ugly when you cry, you know that? Who gives a damn about your shitty co-workers?” He will drape his jacket over you. “And your boss is just a lil cock-sucker. You could always just say the word and I’ll use them for fuel to burn your work to the ground.” Villainous, but he is a villain. It always cheers you up knowing he would seriously go to such lengths to make you happy and cheer you up.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?) He tried to ignore that he loves your hugs, but sometimes can’t control it. When you spend the night with him you always lay with him and hug him, he won’t admit it but he likes your hugs, even if he finds them annoying sometimes. Unconditional love and sweet hugs were never apart of his childhood, and if you happened to stop hugging him, he would just hug you and not let you go.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?) takes him a very long time to say it, if he even does. He doesn’t really believe he needs to tell you he loves you. He expects you to already know how he feels. The first time he said it was when you were complimenting his looks. Telling him how handsome he was, how strong he is, how his determination is so admirable, and that no matter what happened that you would always be by his side to support him and his dream. “Well, well, that’s not a bad attempt there. Better than your previous ones.” He knows you’re trying to make him feel more confident in his looks and heart, but it never works. “...don’t leave me, (Y/N). Or else I’ll have to burn you alive. It’d be a shame to see the woman I love turn to ash.”

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?) will get jealous easily depending on what the situation is. If you’re purposefully trying to make him jealous, beware the consequences and prepare yourself for a very long night of punishments. If someone is hitting on you, he’ll walk up to you no matter where it is and grin sadistically at the man. “Hey doll, this guy givin’ you problems?” He’ll activate his quirk and stare him down intimidatingly. “If so I can fix that right away.” Whoever it is will run away in terror. Unless it’s a hero, and then you know you have to drag Dabi away before he really gets arrested.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?) he likes his kisses to be heavy and hot. He likes to assert his extreme dominance over you and show you who’s boss. He likes to kiss your lips, cause he knows once he kisses you you’ll be thinking about him all day. Another spot would be under your jaw. He likes this spot for some reason. Maybe it’s the fact that if he could he could bite into you harshly and make you bleed. And to mark you and let everyone know you belong to him.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?) horrible. Never bring him around a child ever. He’s already had a bad enough childhood as it is, and he doesn’t want his child to experience that. As for other kids, he finds them greatly annoying and when they cry and scream all he wants to do is shut them up and scare them. If he had a kid with you... don’t expect much. He won’t help a lot. But he enjoys laying around with your infant in his chest while he watches tv. He’ll let them do whatever they want. He only wants to give them a good life he never had.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?) he’s lazy. He’ll lounge around without a shirt with some sweat pants on. His hair will be pretty messy and sticking up more than usual. A lot of the times you catch him staring at himself in mirror running his fingers over his scarred skin. Then he’ll glare at his reflection. You always walk behind him and hug him and kiss all of his scarred skin. Then he’ll pull you into the shower innocently and wash your hair.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?) he’s an animal at nights, relentless in the bedroom... if you know what I mean. That’s his ideal night. However, sometimes you need a break from his constant sexual harassment even though he’s your boyfriend. He’ll be grumpy, but end up breaking into your house unannounced and watch movies with you. Sometimes, he’ll do your hair, or paint your nails with a bored expression. He’ll even wear face masks with you to soften his wrinkled skin. One time, you straightened his hair flat against his head and laughed as hard as you could because he looked like a more depressed and scarred version of Shigaraki. He ended up forcing you to pass out as punishment.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?) don’t expect him to ever open up to you. He’s a very secretive man, you don’t even know his real name if he even has one. He’ll tell you about missions and complain about the other members of the league of villains, but anything about who he was before that you’ll never hear. Soon, he’ll tell you eventually. Just not any time soon.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?) he’s not easily angered. If he is it’s very passive and threatening. You have seen videos on the internet of some of Dabi’s appearances from civilians when they perform the large scale attacks, and he loves to taunt the heroes. You’ve never seen him yell, only angrily glare or scoff with a sarcastic and rude remark.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?) When you begin to talk about your past, it always appears he’s not listening. He doesn’t really care all that much. He likes focusing on the now and the future. However, he pays close attention to things that make you upset. If you talk about a traumatic experience, he’ll act as if he’s not listening, but secretly he’s promising you that he’s never gonna let whatever happened happen to you again. Then other times, he’ll remember the embarrassing stuff about you and tease you to death.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?) His favorite moment in your relationship was when you got embarrassed for Shigaraki calling you both out for being a couple. You were, but it was only the beginning and you were still embarrassed and uncomfortable being around so many dangerous villains. You became super flustered and red in the face. He loved teasing you and peppering your face in kisses just to embarrass you and make you flustered.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?) He’s a bit protective, he can’t really do much since he’s a villain and would be recognized or put you in more danger if the heroes were to discover you and him were romantically involved. If you were in danger by another villain, he would surrender himself willingly for your safety, but once you were away and safe, he would activate his quirk and kill off the stupid villains that thought they could contain him. He’s your hero basically. He wants you to protect him by just being there for him and being an outlet for his stress and pain. He wants you to just reassure him he can make this dream come true no matter what, and that even if he’s alone, you’re right there beside him. It’s all he ever wanted. Was to be loved.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?) doesn’t really take you on dates, doesn’t remember anniversaries, and doesn’t really care about the everyday tasks. If you tell him about an anniversary, he’ll just be a bit dumbfounded at how long you’d actually been dating. “That long? I’m surprised I haven’t killed ya yet. So loud and annoying.” The next day though when he forgot, he’ll bring you flowers he stole since you seemed down about it. Also Toga and Twice pestered him time get you something since he was being an ass.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?) constant sex. It’s tiring, and honestly drains you, but it’s something he likes. You’ll have to put your foot down when it comes to standing up for what you don’t want. He’ll take it as a joke at first. He also never listens to you. If you tell him he’s beautiful and you love him, he will scoff and call you a fucking liar. Something else he does that annoys you is picking you up from work just to take you back to the league of villains headquarters to just chill with you. It’s sweet, both you always get these suspicious stares. One time, a hero recognized him and he had to flee and leave you by yourself in a bad part of town. You stayed where you were and he eventually came back to get you.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?) He thinks he’s ugly. You heard from Twice that some wannabe villains called him disgusting, and a freak, and that his disgusting face made them wanna throw up. In the end Dabi incinerated them. He could care less, but you know that there’s something he’s hiding behind those surgical staples and black hair. One time to make him feel better, you put heavy make up on him. He didn’t like it, and neither did you. He was surprised you didn’t like it, but it made him happy you loved his appearance despite his scarred up body.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?) not really. Having you is like having a favorite shirt, you’ll always wanna wear it and treasure it forever since it’s your favorite. He doesn’t need a shirt to live though. He enjoys your company, and can talk to you about anything but chooses not to. He would definitely miss you. The league would have to deal with his extra grumpy attitude if you were ever to disappear. It’d be very difficult to find someone to put up with his bullshit like you do.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.) he secretly wants you to become a villain with him. He wants you to come on missions with him and have his back the whole time. He’ll protect you don’t worry, but his main concern is you being captured by heroes. They’re sneaky sometimes, and he’d be damned if he let one of them take you. He would have a lot of fun with you. If you were to become a villain. His favorite thing with you would be to attack heroes on patrols and taunt them. Also go to malls and steal things. He likes being sneaky with you too. He’d be proud.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?) he wouldn’t want a partner trying to change him. He ain’t gonna change for nobody. Not even you. So if you get in a relationship with Dabi, you’ll have to love him for who he is. He doesn’t want someone who disagrees strongly with his dream. He hates heroes, obviously. He hates your co-workers. He hates how sweet you are but still love him. He hates how he feels for you and how you make him slightly weaker. But that just means he loves you.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?) one of the worst things you have to deal with is how much he holds you in his sleep. His arms will be tightly around your waist or shoulders while you sleep so you can’t get up at all. One time you had to pee so bad you almost did it right there on the bed. If you hadn’t yelled right in his face and squirmed like a worm then you surely would’ve busted your bladder. He also is such a heavy sleeper. The end of the world could be happening and he’d sleep right through it. One thing that wakes him up immediately you’ve learned is that the staples under his eyes are extremely sensitive, and if you touch them, he’ll wake up immediately and become irritated.

Parkner week 2020 Day 1: future au

This trope was not my own idea. Also, this is my first time writing fanfiction so it’s probably terrible. All constructive criticism is welcome. 

..........................................................................................

The last thing Tony Stark remembered was the white-hot pain of the stones' power rushing through his body followed by the peaceful relief of feeling nothing as his surroundings slowly drifted away. 

Yet there he was, standing inside of a building that looked strangely similar to the Avengers Compound though at the same time, completely different.  

"Tony… you've been gone for over ten years…" said Pepper slowly with tears in her eyes. 

Tony's eyes widened in shock. "What year is it?" 

"2036"

Tony's mind had to take a second to process what he was hearing. He had been gone for thirteen years, which means Morgan should be almost eighteen, Peter 29, and Harley 30. His kids grew up without him; his baby girl was an adult; Peter and Harley had graduated for Christ's sake, from both high school and college. Tony couldn't have held back the sob he let out even if he tried.

"Oh Tony…" she gathered her husband in her arms. He buried his face in her neck and let out heart-wrenching sobs. His tears were beginning to dampen Pepper's neck when she started to run her fingers through his hair in a soothing manner. 

"They were devastated, you know," Pepper began, "Everyone was, but it took them longer to finally accept that you were gone." 

Tony raised his head and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, "Who?"

"Harley and Peter," replied Pepper, "Harley locked himself in your lab for days on end and wouldn't come out until someone went in and forced him to get some rest. Peter wouldn't eat and hardly got any sleep from all of the nightmares he was having. It finally got to the point where Helen had to hook him up to an IV after he passed out once. That was when I told them both that you wouldn’t want them doing this to themselves. After that, they started to make progress.” 

Another wave of sorrow hit Tony like a brick wall. His boys were so upset over his death that they neglected their own health. How many times had they willingly allowed themselves to be hurt because of him?

"But they got better," continued Pepper, "They were able to find comfort and start looking after each other." She let out a chuckle. "They were practically attached at the hip. Still are." 

That made Tony smile. He was glad that they got along. He always wanted to introduce them but never got the chance to before the Blip happened. 

"You should see them. You'd be so proud. They're both helping me so much with Stark Industries. I honestly have no idea what I'd do without them," said Pepper, as she wiped away the remaining tears left on his face.

"What about Morgan? How’s she?" 

"She's amazing," said Pepper. Tony tried to make a comment about how of course she is, she’s his daughter, but Pepper just ignored him with an eyeroll.  "Peter says she's the perfect combination of you and me with your brains and my business skills. God only knows one day the three of them are either going to take over the world or destroy it." 

Tony let out a snort, "That sounds about right." 

···································

They continued to talk about everything he'd missed for over an hour when Pepper let out a startled sound, “I forgot to tell you-"

"Hey Pepper, do you know where my..laptop...is…" said Harley as he walked in before making eye contact with Tony and tapping his watch, which turned into a repulser that was aiming straight at the older man.

“Harley?” Tony asked in wonder, tears threatening to spill again. Harley looked different from how he did when he had last seen him, but that was, without a doubt, him. His dirty blonde hair had grown long enough to reach just above his ears, and, Jesus, was he tall. The blue-eyed boy looked like he reached a height of about 6’3”, a full two inches taller than Tony himself. He was about to say more but was cut off by a startlingly hard voice. 

"What the hell are you doing here?" yelled Harley. Pepper jumped up in alarm at the younger boy's harsh tone and stood between the two of them, getting in the way of the repulser's shot.

"It's not him, Harley." Not who? Tony thought.

Harley’s narrowed eyes never left the other man as he replied with a snarl, "Tony’s dead, so who else could it be?" 

"It's not, I had Friday check to make sure it wasn't an illusion. Do you really think I wouldn’t think of that?" said Pepper, her voice laced with accusation. 

Harley looked at her for a second before reluctantly lowering his gun “No...but then how-”

“Your guess is as good as mine. He said the last thing he remembers is using the stones against Thanos before ending up here.” 

Tony watched them talk back and forth for another ten minutes while he processed what just happened. What did this person do to make him so hostile? Before he could stop himself, he voiced his confusion. 

Harley stopped arguing with Pepper and turned to him with a sigh, “You’re really you, aren’t you?” His eyes searched Tony for any hesitation while he waited for an answer. 

“Of course, who else would I be? Seriously, what’s going o-” 

He was cut off by someone throwing themselves at him and wrapping their arms around him in a firm hug. “God, I missed you, old man.” 

Tony relaxed in his grip and returned the hug tightly. “Missed you too, kid” 

It took them several minutes to rein in their emotions and let go of each other, their faces wet with tears. Neither of them were ever really good at emotions, both preferring to make sarcastic comments rather than state their true feelings.

“So, you never answered my question,” stated Tony. 

Harley looked at him in confusion, “What question?” 

“Who did you think I was?” Tony both wanted to change the subject and satisfy his curiosity, but Pepper and Harley gave each other a worried glance before tentatively turning back to him. 

“It’s a, uh, long story,” Harley said, “A lot happened while you were gone," but as he raised his arms to start explaining, Tony noticed something. 

“Hold on a second...Is that a wedding ring?! You're married?!"

“Oh, well, I guess,” The blonde boy sheepishly rubbed his neck. 

“What do you mean you ‘guess?’” Tony cried, “Who is it? Do I know them?” 

Harley looked overwhelmed, but it was obvious that Pepper found this all amusing due to the bright laugh she let out. “I told you he would go crazy if he ever found out. Just wait until he hears who it is.” The boy glared at her for a second, wishing she wouldn’t encourage the older man. It wasn’t that Harley was afraid to tell Tony about his husband, but...he was kind of afraid to tell him about his husband. Both Harley and Peter knew that Tony had seen them both as sons, and they had mournfully speculated on multiple occasions what his reaction would be; however, now that he was given the chance to find out for himself, he was hesitant. Would Tony be mad at them? God knows that neither of them would be able to deal with their pseudo-father's rejection very well, especially Peter. 

“Well, you see, it’s-”

“Tony?” Tony’s head shot up at the sound of his name.

“Peter! Wait, it's not-” Harley tried to reach out to the other boy, but he fearfully jerked away from the incoming touch, eyes wide. When he saw this, Harley’s blue eyes softened into something akin to hurt and a small sympathetic noise left his throat. 

“Peter, sweetheart, you’re ok, you’re safe. It’s not Beck,” spoke Harley softly, as if he were talking to a frightened animal, but it didn’t seem to work.  Peter began to hyperventilate the longer he looked at the scene in front of him. In an attempt to block out the illusion, he quickly shut his eyes and covered his ears, trying to defend himself against the more than likely painful experience he was about to have.

“Pepper, get him out of here!” snapped Harley, and it didn’t take long for Pepper to grab Tony’s arm and pull him out of the room despite the boy’s rude tone. At this point, Tony was very confused. He thought Peter would be ecstatic to see that he was back, not fearful. And who is Beck? The name is vaguely ringing a bell. Is that who Harley thought he was? What did he do to Peter that would make him have a panic attack the moment he thought he saw him?

Once he and Pepper were out of sight from the other two, they came to a stop. “What the hell was that all about?” Tony demanded. 

Pepper let out a long sigh, and in that moment, she looked very tired. "Do you remember Quentin Beck?" 

The second Tony heard the man's full name, memories of a brown haired man screaming at him rushed to the surface of his brain. That psycho was who everybody was so defensive against? Tony remembered the project they were working on. Beck was brilliant, but he had proven himself to be unstable when he tried to use an experiment with their work on an unsuspecting intern. After that, Tony had stopped the partnership between them and wrote up a contract that said Tony got full rights to the product and Beck would only get part of the credit since Tony had done most of the work anyways. He really hoped that didn't result in consequences for his protege. 

But unfortunately his hope ended up being dashed when Pepper began to explain all of the things Beck had done to Peter in Europe as revenge for what Tony had done, from revealing his identity and framing him for murder to hitting him with a speeding train (of all things), all while psychologically tormenting him with illusions of his worst fears and most traumatic experiences. Apparently while Peter was on the run as an international criminal, Pepper and Happy had sent him to stay with Harley to lay low while they cleared his name and did damage control. 

Tony couldn't believe what he was hearing. His son had gone through hell and back in the wake of his death and Tony wasn't there to help him.  Peter must've felt so alone, not to mention all of the PTSD he must've gotten from the whole ordeal.

Pepper saw the combination of anguish and fierce protectiveness on his face and assured Tony that yes, Peter had been through a lot, but between Harley, Happy, May, Morgan, and herself, he was able to mentally recover for the most part. He still has nightmares and panic attacks about what happened but he is now able to put the suit on and protect New York despite what happened to him as Spider-man. 

Tony still had so many questions, but before he could voice any of them Friday’s robotic voice said, "Mr. Keener wishes me to tell you that you may make your way back to the living room."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Pepper slowly led Tony back to where the boys were, she cautioned, "Just give him some time. One of Beck's favorite things to torment him with was you."

Tony's anger flared once more. How dare Beck hurt his kid like that. It's a good thing he's dead because he definitely wouldn't be alive for much longer with Tony here now. 

When they finally re-entered the living room, what Tony saw made him freeze. Peter wasn’t cowering against the wall anymore but was now standing in Harley’s arms with his face buried in the taller boy’s chest. Harley had his head rested on top of Peter’s chocolate curls as he serenely swayed the both of them back and forth and murmured something Tony couldn’t hear. He looked over to Pepper to see if she was seeing the same thing he was, but she was just looking at the two with fond eyes before quickly glancing in Tony’s direction with a smug smile. He raised his eyebrows at her in question but she just gently shook her head and cleared her voice to grab  the others’ attention. 

Peter and Harley both looked up, startled, before de-tangling from each other minus one hand. The former looked at Tony with hesitation and asked, “Is it really you?” 

“Yeah, bud, it’s me,” replied Tony, trying to put as much sincerity in his eyes as possible. 

When Peter heard that, he let out a sob and let go of Harley’s hand as he threw himself at his mentor. Tony was quick to meet him halfway in a bone-crushing hug, securing his arms around the boy as he turned his face into the younger man’s temple. Peter was openly crying with his head tucked into Tony’s neck, the tears on his face soaking the older man’s skin, “I missed you...so much,” hiccups breaking apart his speech. 

“God, I missed you too, kid,” was all Tony could say in response. 

It felt like hours before they let go of each other, them both trying to make up for the years they didn’t have together. When they finally took a step back, Peter went back to Harley’s side and grabbed his hand again, seeking comfort from it. That was when Tony noticed the gold band on his ring finger as well. “What the hell?! You’re married too?!” he shouted. 

Peter, Harley, and Pepper all gave each other a look that lasted a little too long, and Tony felt like he was missing something, “What?” 

“You really haven’t figured it out yet?” replied Pepper with a touch of humor in her voice. 

“Figured what out?”

“I guess I never actually told you who I was married to…” chimed Harley, “It’s, uh, it’s Peter. Peter’s my husband.” The couple gave each other a look full of love and adoration before turning back to Tony to see his reaction.

Tony’s breath was knocked out of his lungs, “Holy shit, seriously?” He always knew the two of them would get along together like fire takes to oxygen, but he never imagined this. Though now that he thinks about it, it kind of makes sense. The boys are very similar with their love of science yet are complete opposites personality-wise. Harley is rough around the edges and prefers to avoid discussing feelings or showing his true emotions, much like Tony does. While Peter, on the other hand, is soft-hearted and does his best to think about everybody else but himself. Together, they seem to complete each other, picking up the slack in one part of the other’s life that they weren’t aware was weighing them down. 

This time Peter spoke up saying, “Yeah, uh, we’ve been together for over ten years now. About four years ago Harley proposed to me and we got married two years later.” Tony’s heart dropped at the thought of missing their wedding. 

“They were both pretty upset about you not being able to be there, so we set up a chair in the front with a picture of you sitting on it,” added Pepper. 

Tony tried to will away the tears that were threatening to spill again but a few of them ran down his cheeks anyways. He was touched by their gesture and walked forward to engulf them both in a hug that they returned, “I’m happy for you, boys.” The two of them seemed to relax at that, but by then, everyone in the room was crying. 

“I’m glad you’re back,” whispered Peter with a smile despite the tears running down his face. 

“Me too, kid, me too.”

Gamer Hugs | Idia x Reader

How Ignihyde had managed to have so many students who were good with technology and machinery yet were all seemingly incapable of creating some decent A/C, you'd never known. Shrugging off your school blazer and unbuttoning the first few buttons on your shirt seemed to do nothing. You were pulled out of your lament at the sound of an enraged yell. Idia had already entered rage gamer mode, unfortunately. Souls of Dark must really be living up to its 'hardest game ever' reputation.

Laying out on the dorm head's bed, you mostly tuned out Idia's rants on the absurd difficulty level of the first boss. Idia had invited you over to his room to test out games with him again - since the newest one was a solo game, the two of you decided to alternate every half an hour or so. You'd mainly spent up your first lot of time designing the avatar. You pursed your lips in regret, doubting you'd get the controller any time soon, if at all for the rest of the night.

That was only the first half of the downfall of Idia's gamer rage (the upside being the amusement of watching your usually awkward friend turning into someone who could rival an Overblotted person in anger). The second half was how his flame hair would unfortunately quickly shift from a calm blue to an enraged red the angrier he got, heating up the room the two of you were in. You hadn't minded during the autumn/winter season - if anything, you egged him on for more warmth - but now it was rolling into summer. Add that to the already ridiculous heat of Ignihyde and the lack of windows the dorm room had to open and you were in one of the most painful situations of your life.

It wasn't like you could just ask Idia to chill either. Last time he'd gotten annoyed over a game - weirdly enough being over Cooking Papa - and you'd told him to calm down, he'd given you a minute long high-speed lecture about how he couldn't do that because of this [beep] of a [beep] cooking instructor that couldn't [beep] even [beep] do his [beep] of a job right, like a [beeeeeep]. You'd had to concede defeat to make him stop - and if that was his reaction from Cooking Papa, how bad would it be from Souls of Dark?

At least when he was his awkward self Idia would somewhat listen (even if he usually misinterpreted what you said). Not that there was any way to make him switch back...

...or was there?

It was a bit of a gamble, but hey, you'd try anything at this point. Swinging your legs round, you looked at Idia's hair. Weirdly enough, even when it was slowly heating up like right now, it never seemed to be able to actually burn anything (learnt from a somewhat traumatic experience that Idia still gives you apology candy over). Still, you didn't want to take any chances.

"Idia?" You called.

The dorm head whipped round, eyes glowing in annoyance. "What- EH!?"

The squeal of surprise that came from the dorm head was, you thought happily, entirely your fault. Once he was facing you, you'd pushed yourself off of the bed and wrapped both your arms around his neck, your sleeves now rolled up so it was skin touching skin. Your knees were either side of Idia's, looking somewhat like you were straddling him.

"(y-(y-(y-(y-(y-(y/n)!?" Idia stuttered, somehow both frozen and shaking in surprise. "W-W-What are y-y-y-you...!?"

"Have you calmed down now?" You asked, keeping your chin on his shoulder to hide your growing smirk.

"C-Calmed down...?"

"Last time you went rage gamer mode, you chewed my ear off when I tried to calm you down." You told him. "I figured this would be more effective."

"O-Oh..." Idia's shocked expression turned into a sad one. "Of course... not like you'd want to hug me normally..."

Your smile instantly turned into a frown. You pulled your head back to look at him properly. Well, as properly as you could - the second the two of you made eye contact, he looked away in either shame or embarrassment. You moved you head again, straining your neck so you were at least somewhat looking him in the eye. He closed his eyes instead.

"Why wouldn't I want to hug you?" You asked him.

"Eh?" Idia finally looked you in the eye out of surprise. "Well, because no one really does... except from Ortho, but..."

"I wouldn't mind hugging you, Idia. I don't - I wouldn't be hugging you right now if I didn't want to."

"But you were just doing it to get my attention... it's fine, you don't have to spare my feelings... 2D hugs are all I need, after all..."

Guessing that words wouldn't convince him, you took your arms away from around Idia's neck. Idia breathed a momentary sigh of relief - momentary being the keyword, as his heart rate immediately began spiking again once you started unzipping his jacket.

Red spread across the pale boy’s face, reaching all the way up to his ears. "Wait, wait, wait! (y/n), this is too fast! Please, if you continue, my heart might...!"

Idia desperately tried to figure out a way convince you not to do what he was expecting. Apologise for raging? That was what got you angry in the first place, right? But then what if they were angry because Idia had sounded rude about the hug? He'd appreciated it! Really! Hugging someone 3D instead of clicking the option to hug his favourite character in an otome game or even hugging his body pillows had somehow felt amazing for a change! He'd even say he loved it! But, if (y/n) moved things on this fast, his heart might - no, it would definitely explode! So...!

"Idia?"

Idia didn't even notice you'd moved closer to him. Looking down, he saw you looking up innocently at him, sitting on his lap inside of his jacket and laying your head against his chest.

"I was gonna take your jacket off, but your arms were too stiff to take the sleeves off." You said, poking the top of his arm.

"O-Oh..." So you weren't going to do what he thought... wait, why was he disappointed!?

"You're really comfy, by the way," you continued, "What's your shirt made of?"

"Uh, I don't know..."

Then again, taking another glance down at you... this situation was kinda similar to one from an otome game, wasn't it? Where the love interest would accidentally trip into the MC's chest and stay there for a time longer than what normies usually would, or the love interest would snuggle into the MC for a hug for one of the standout cheesy moments accompanied with a CG... the more Idia thought about, the more his disappointment evaporated. Now the idea was in his head, though, he really wanted to hug you back...

"Oh, you dropped this." Your words snapped him out of his second trance.

You handed him his controller, then turned your attention towards the modified screen he'd built for his gaming sessions. Idia took the controller with a mumbled thank you. He turned his attention to the screen too, then blinked and looked down at you.

"Um... (y/n)...?"

"Oh, sorry, am I blocking your vision?" You shuffled down in his lap, resting the top of your head just below Idia's chin.

"Er, no, that's not what I... a-aren't you going to move?"

You shook your head, hair tickling Idia’s neck. "Nope."

"N-Nope!?"

You looked up at him with determination in your eyes. "You said I wouldn't want to hug you, so the rest of the time we're hanging out together, I'm gonna hug you. Okay?"

"O-Okay... wait, no, that's-!"

"C'mon," you pouted, "I promise not to backseat game too much!"

You let out a little laugh. Though Idia’s cheeks had somewhat cooled down, the happy noise escaping your lips was enough to dust them pink again. Well, it wasn't like he got to experience such otome-like scenarios frequently... letting just one scenario play out wasn't going to hurt him, was it?

"Fine..." Idia mumbled.

You let out a hum of approval and made yourself comfortable as Idia reloaded the checkpoint.

...

"YOU MOTHER-"

"Idia, you're going to give me heatstroke."

"S-Sorry...!"

Silent Yearning

Mute!Donghyuck x New Student!Reader

Drama/Fluff

Words: 8.1k

Summery: Ever since a traumatic experience happened to Donghyuck, his depression and anxiety caused him to turn mute as a way to cope. Now, having gone from one of the most popular boys in school to the school’s freak, he cuts everyone out from his life, trying to fly under the radar. That was, until you showed up and turned his whole life around. But was it for the better?

A/N: I’m so sorry I’ve been away for so long. I’ve been going through some shit. I’ve had this idea for this fic for a very long time and finally got around to writing it. It was originally for Hyuck’s birthday but clearly that didn’t happen. So, happy belated birthday to my sun and love of my life! <3 Please enjoy!

Warnings: Bullying, horrible YangYang, mentions of mental illness and death

Disclaimer: This story is pure fiction. Any personality traits/illnesses of Donghyuck, YangYang, Xiaojun and Hendery are made up by me. They in no way reflect the real personalities of these amazing boys.

(Also, Stan NCT ot21 for good grades and clear skin)

~~~

The darkness surrounds him, consuming his entire being. He can't see, can't hear, can't speak.

‘What's going on?! Why can't I see anything?! Why can't I breathe?!’

He clutches his chest, nothing but pain engulfing his lungs. Suddenly there was a burst of light behind him. He spins around to see crushed metal that had burst into flames. Tears form in his eyes, inhaling nothing but smoke as he cries out.

“Mom! Dad!”

“Mr. Lee!”

Donghyuck jolts awake, breathing heavily and sweat beading down his flustered face. He looks around the room, realizing he had fallen asleep in class. He looks up at the teacher, who was hovering over him, shaking her head in disappointment.

“Please at least try to pay attention, Mr. Lee.”

The teacher sighs and walks back to the front of the classroom. Donghyuck hears laughter and looks to his right to see YangYang and his goons with smirks on their faces. Donghyuck rolls his eyes and turns his attention back to the front, his chin resting on his arms. She resumes her lessons but after a few minutes, there's a knock on the door.

The classroom door opens to reveal the school's principal. He bows his head and smiles. “Class, I'd like to introduce a new student that will be joining us for the remainder of the year.”

You stepped into the classroom, your face flushed from being the center of attention. As soon as Donghyuck sees you, his eyes widen and his breath hitches. He's never seen someone so beautiful in his life. ‘She's never going to notice someone like me. Let alone, me.’ However, when the teacher tells you to introduce yourself, Donghyuck pays close attention.

You bow your head to the class. “H-Hello. My name is Y/N. I moved to Seoul from [hometown], so my Korean is a little rusty.” You giggle shyly. “Um, I don't do a lot. I mainly like to read and write. Please take care of me.” You bow your head once more.

The teacher claps and smiles. “How wonderful. Let's see, you can take a seat next to Donghyuck in the back.” She points to the seat on the left side of him, making him slightly panic on the inside.

You smile at the teacher and make your way to the back of the classroom. You take your seat and turn your head to look at the boy next to you.

“Hi, I'm Y/N. You're Donghyuck? It's nice to meet you.” He swallows the lump in his throat but doesn't glance your direction. Your smiles fades into a frown at his rejection. “I-I'm sorry.” You mutter under your breath, turning your attention back to the front. Donghyuck's stomach drops, feeling awful for ignoring your friendliness. ‘It's better this way. She can't be seen with me on her first day.’

The teacher continues her lesson but once again gets cut off by the phone ringing. She answers before nodding and hanging up. “Class, I will be right back, I have a matter I need to attend to. Behave yourselves until I return.” She gives a pointed look at YangYang and Donghyuck before leaving the room and shutting the door.

As soon as the door closes, the class erupts into conversation. You stay quiet, just doodling in your notebook until you feel a presence around your desk. You look up to see three boys, all with grins on their faces.

“Hi there.” You raise a brow at the one talking, who seems to be the ringleader. You already get a bad feeling from these three. “I'm YangYang, this is Xiaojun and Hendery. Welcome to SM high.”

You give the boys a cautious smile. “H-Hi. I'm Y/N.”

“I see you've met little Hyuck here.” Xiaojun gestures to the quiet, observing boy. “You won't get much out of him. He's a mute.”

You turn your attention to the boy next to you. “You're mute, Donghyuck?” A smile grows on your face and you clap excitedly, which confused the boy. “I'm sorry, I don't mean to seem rude. I just thought you didn't like me. But you just can't say anything.” You giggle quietly, the pleasant sound making Donghyuck's heart flutter.

YangYang clears his throat. “We would like to extend the offer of helping you integrate into this school. There is a hierarchy, if I must say. You're cute and have a lot of potential. I would be happy to help you figure out who you should,” he points to himself, “and shouldn't be seen with.” He finishes, sending Donghyuck a look of disgust.

You see the interaction between the two boys, YangYang's little smirk and Donghyuck's sad, but frustrated look, not meeting your eyes. You turn your attention on YangYang and his goons.

“I think I can decide whom I'd like to associate myself with on my own, thanks.” You deadpan, an annoyed expression flashing through your face.

YangYang's smirk turns into a scowl. “Fine, have it your way. You just signed your way to the bottom of the food chain with this freak.” He points his thumb at Donghyuck and turns away, sauntering back to his desk. You roll your eyes and turn to the mute boy next to you. His eyes shift between you and the notebook on his desk. You open your mouth to say something but were cut off by the bell.

The teacher walks back in at the same time the bell rings. “Alright class, tomorrow we will be discussing the next chapter. Make sure to read the homework!” She yells over the hustling of the students trying to leave.

You see Donghyuck pack up his things and book it out of the classroom. “Donghyuck, wait!” You put your notebook away as fast as you can before running after him.

You catch up and start walking beside him. He side eyes you with a confused look. You tilt your head. “What?”

He takes out his phone and starts typing something. He turns to show you.

Why are you walking with me?

You read the words before giving the boy a smile. “Because I want to be friends, silly.”

He looks taken aback before he scowls. He types something else and turns to show you.

You shouldn't. You'll learn that I'm not someone you'll want to be seen with.

With that, the boy pulls his backpack tighter against himself and hurries away, leaving you sad and confused.

~~~

You walk through the cafeteria, looking for a place to sit. Being the new kid, you didn't exactly have a friend group to hang around with. The only person you've talked to so far was Donghyuck and YangYang, and you'll be damned if you ever decide to sit next to YangYang.

Out of the corner of your eye, you spot Donghyuck sitting alone. A smile plays at the corner of your lips. You make your way over to the boy and sit down across from him. Donghyuck looks up from his lunch and freezes when he sees you. He raises an eyebrow in wonderment. You look at him, tilting your head.

“What?”

He takes out his phone to type something, showing you when he's done.

Why are you sitting here?

You shrug. “I told you before, I want to be friends.”

He rolls his eyes.

But why me?

“Because I like you and want to get to know you.”

Donghyuck's cheeks turn pink, turning his face down at his tray so you don't see. You let out a little giggle before turning back to your food. The two of you sat in comfortable silence, just enjoying your lunch and his company.

“Why is she sitting with him?”

“Doesn't she know he's a mute?”

“She just signed her death warrant, sitting with that freak.”

Donghyuck hears the whispers around him from his classmates. He glances at you, knowing you must have heard them and you must have changed your mind about wanting to be friends. However, when he sees you happily munching away at your lunch and not paying any mind, he's come to the conclusion that you either don't hear them or don't care.

“Hey, Hyuck.” He snaps out of his daze to look at you. You hold out your hand. “Gimmie your phone.”

He raises an eyebrow curiously, tilting his head. You roll your eyes. “Please?”

Donghyuck cautiously hands you his phone, which you happily take. You open it and go to his contacts. You type in your number and then take a cute selfie to put as your contact picture. After sending a text to your phone, so you can have his number, you hand back his phone. His mouth drops open in slight shock at your forwardness. He never expected you to want his number.

You hold up your own phone and point the camera at him. “Say cheese,” you snap a photo. You look at it fondly, a cute surprised expression on his face. Giggling at the cute picture, you put your phone away. “Now you have my number and I have yours!”

Donghyuck stares at you in awe. He's never had someone go to these lengths to genuinely get to know him. Not since…

A bell rings, snapping Donghyuck out of his thoughts, signaling the end of lunch. You swallow the last bit of food before cleaning up. “What's your next class?”

Donghyuck pulls out his class schedule, handing it to you. You scan the sheet of paper and notice you have three classes together after the lunch bell. You smile happily, handing back the paper.

“Oh! I have the same class as you. We can walk together!” Donghyuck raises a brow, looking at you with a weird look at your enthusiasm. You tilt your head, “what?”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes and picks up his pace, walking in front of you, a smile playing at his lips.

~~~

The rest of the day went fairly smooth. You had two more classes with Donghyuck, but he usually did his best to ignore you or push you away. Although, he seems to try less and less, making you hopeful he will accept your friendship.

By the time you got home, you were exhausted from your first day. You said hi to your parents and collapsed onto your bed. After a few seconds, you pull out your phone and pull up Donghyuck's contact. You click on his picture, blushing and giggling at his cute surprised expression. He really was a beautiful human being. You built up the courage to text him, hoping he will respond.

Y/N: Hey Hyuckie! I hope you got home okay ^^

Donghyuck laid in his bed, thinking about everything that happened today. He never expected to have met a girl, especially one so forward as you. Just then his phone buzzes, signaling an incoming message. He picks up his phone to see the cute picture of you had popped up, the message being from you. A smile graces his lips at your picture. It takes a moment for him to build up the courage to reply but he does shortly after.

Hyuck: I did. Thanks for asking.

Y/N: That’s good! Hey, I’m sorry for being so straightforward at school today. You just seem really cool and I wanted to get to know you…

Donghyuck bites his lip, a feeling of guilt washing over him. He didn’t mean to make you feel bad for trying to befriend him. In all honesty, a little crush had developed inside of him for you. But he knew he couldn’t act on it, he couldn’t let you go through the teasing and bullying just for being associated with him. He had to protect you.

Hyuck: It’s okay. Just not used to it. I should really be getting to sleep. Have a good night, Y/N. <3

‘Crap!’ He didn’t mean to accidentally press the heart emoji. He tried to stop the sending of the text but it was already too late, it had gone through. He internally panics for a good 5 seconds before his phone dings again, your cute picture popping up.

Y/N: Oh, that’s okay! I probably should be too. Please sleep well. See you tomorrow, Hyuckie! <3

His heart flutters as soon as he reads your message. Not only did you call him Hyuckie, you also but a heart emoji at the end of the message. Turning his phone face down next to him, he sighs. At this rate, his crush on you will turn into something bigger, especially if you continue to talk to him like that. Donghyuck turns onto his side, facing the wall. He closes his eyes and drifts off to sleep, thoughts of the new, cute and straightforward girl in his class invading his dreams.

~~~

The next day, you arrive at school, excited to see Donghyuck. You make your way to the classroom and see Donghyuck sitting in his seat. You wave excitedly, causing a small smile to play at his lips. You take your seat next to him.

“Hey Hyuckie, how are you this morning?” He shrugs, indicating he was doing alright. You smile and giggle.

“Oh! I have something for you!”

Donghyuck watches as your dig through your backpack and pull out a small whiteboard. You hand it to him, a big smile on your face. He tilts his head in confusion at the gift.

“It's a dry erase board. I thought it would help you communicate easier than to constantly pull out your phone.” You send him a proud smile.

He looks down at the whiteboard, a new feeling engulfing him. He looks up to see your sparkling smile, making him smile back. He writes something on the board and turns it around.

Thank you, Y/N.

You giggle and give him a big smile. “Of course, Hyuckie. I'm glad you like it.”

You suddenly feel a presence in front of you. You glance over to see YangYang, Xiaojun and Hendery facing you. The smile on your face turns to one of annoyance.

“Can I help you?”

YangYang grins, “no, I'm okay, thanks for asking.” You roll your eyes at his mocking response. “We were just wondering, have you gotten sick of this little mute here yet?”

You raise a brow, “no, but I've gotten sick of you.”

YangYang scowls, suddenly gripping your arm harshly. “What did you say to me?”

You whimper at his tight hold and try to pull away. Donghyuck's eyes grow wide, concern eating at him. He opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out. He slowly closes his mouth and stares at YangYang's hand gripping your arm with a pained look on his face.

“Hey, let her go.”

You look up at the new voice. You see an attractive boy your age with pink hair. Xiaojun snickers. “Says who?”

“Says us.” Another boy with light brown hair steps next to him. “Or have you three stooped to a new low harassing innocent girls?”

The three bullies scowl but listen. YangYang releases your arm and gives you a look. “You're on my radar now, new kid. Watch your back.” They retreat back to their desks.

You breathe a sigh of relief. “Um. Thank you…”

“I'm Jaemin and this is Jeno.” The boy with light brown hair gestures to himself and then the boy next to him.

You look at Donghyuck with a brow raised in question. He writes something on his board and shows it to you.

They're harmless.

Jeno glances at the board and chuckles. “Well, thanks Hyuck. Nice to know you think we're harmless.” Donghyuck rolls his eyes. The two boys take the seats near the two of you, Jeno in front of you and Jaemin in front of Donghyuck.

“I'm Y/N,” you smile at them. “You two are in this class? I don't remember seeing you yesterday.”

“Oh yeah, that's because we ditched.” Jaemin waves a dismissive hand. “Us and a few of our other friends.”

“Right,” you nod slowly.

Jaemin turns to Donghyuck. “Hey, Hyuck. How are you doing?”

You watch Jaemin carefully. After how YangYang was with him, you worry for another person to be sarcastic. But the way Jaemin looks at him, you can tell he was genuinely worried.

Donghyuck writes quickly on his board and turns it around.

Fine.

Jaemin glances at Jeno who also had a worried look on his face. Jeno gestures at Donghyuck's whiteboard. “I love the board. Is it new?”

Y/N got it for me.

“Awe! That's so sweet.” Jaemin coos, a sparkle in his eye. You giggle and smile at Donghyuck, making his heart flutter.

“So, Y/N. What are your classes for the rest of the day?”

You pull out your class schedule to show the two boys. Jeno snatches it out of your hands and scans it over. “Oh cool, we have a few classes together and lunch period. You'll get to meet the rest of the crew!”

Donghyuck watches the interactions between you, Jaemin and Jeno. A jealous feeling overwhelms him. His hand tightens into a fist. ‘Of course she'd like them. Why would anyone choose me over two of the most popular guys in the school?’

The three of you chatted with Donghyuck occasionally writing on his board, until the teacher walks in to start class. All during the lesson, Donghyuck kept stealing glances in your direction. Every time you caught him staring at you, you would make a silly face, causing him to chuckle silently. Seeing him smile more often made your heart swell in happiness. You were starting to fall for the silent boy and you weren't sure what to do.

~~~

Finally it was lunch time, your stomach growling, telling you to eat something. You walk into the lunch room and search for Donghyuck, but he is nowhere to be found. Your shoulders slump in disappointment in not finding your boy of interest. You stand there awkwardly, not knowing where to sit. You didn't really have any friends besides Donghyuck. You see an empty table and start to make your way towards it, but not before you hear someone calling your name.

“Y/N, over here!”

You look around to see Jeno and Jaemin waving at you. You smile and make your way to the table occupied by Jeno, Jaemin and four other unfamiliar boys. You take a seat between Jeno and a boy with green hair.

“Everyone, this is Y/N. She's the new girl in the school. Y/N, meet the crew.” Jeno starts pointing at each boy, introducing them to you. “You already know Jaemin. The one with green hair is Chenle, he's a year younger than us. The one with blonde hair is Renjun, he's in our grade. The orange haired giant is Jisung, he's two years younger than us. And that one is Mark, who's a year older.” Jeno finishes up with pointing to a black haired individual.

You furrow your brows. “You're a year older? How are you still in high school?”

“Well, last year he had gotten into a huge fight with Xiaojun and Hendery, resulting in all three being suspended. So they missed quite a lot of class and had to take the year over,” Renjun explains. “Have you met those two yet?”

You roll your eyes. “You mean YangYang's pathetic lackey's? Yeah, I've met them.”

Chenle pats your back with a smirk. “I like her already.” Everyone at the table laughs.

“So, Y/N. How are you liking SM high so far?” Jisung takes a bite of his food, chewing slowly.

“It's okay. The classes are fine. I haven't really gotten a chance to make friends, though. Everyone seems to be avoiding me.” You shrug.

“Y/N here has befriended our little Donghyuck.” Jeno nudges you with his shoulder.

Mark raises a brow. “Really? Well, that explains why. No one really talks to him or anything, so if you associate yourself with him, then you're going to be ostracized.”

“That shit doesn't bother me. People can think what they want about me, that's their problem.” You wave a dismissive hand. “But, if I may ask, why is he a mute? Was be born like that or did something happen?”

The six boys glance at each other with odd looks. You raise a brow in question. Then, Mark speaks up. “No, he wasn't always like that. It's because of something that happened to him about a year ago.”

“Hyuck and his parents were on their way home from a music competition. He was a pianist and vocalist, actually, and he was really good at it. Well, they were almost home, still happy about him winning first place…” Renjun trails off.

Jisung speaks up, his voice soft. “An SUV ran a red light as they were driving and T-boned them. Hyuck survived but his parents… They didn't.”

Your hand flies to your mouth in shock. Jaemin takes over with a sad smile. “He has never been the same since. It was devastating. He stopped singing, stop talking in general. He used to be part of our group but after it happened, he stopped hanging out with us. Eventually everyone started avoiding him and eventually making fun of him. Even though most people know about what happened, they still treat him like he's a hindrance to society. They don't care. They only see someone who's different and automatically becomes a target.”

You stay quiet for a moment, absorbing everything the boys explained to you. You shake your head, trying to hold back your tears. “Humans are so cruel to each other. Fuck, no wonder he's tried to push me away. He probably thinks I'll become like the rest of them.” The boys remain silent. Your voice becomes a whisper. “But I like him. A lot. I am maybe thinking about asking him out?”

All six boys’ eyes dart to you in shock. They weren't expecting you to say that. You fiddle with your fingers awkwardly. “D-Do you think he'd say yes?”

“Yes!” They all blurt out at once, surprising you.

“You should. You should do it. Please.” Mark practically begs. “He needs someone who he can open up to and maybe he'll start talking again and eventually become his old self.”

“I-I can try,” you stutter blushing. You'd love for Donghyuck to open up to you, to trust you with everything. You just weren't sure how long it would take to happen, if ever.

You hear the door to the cafeteria open, breaking you out of your thoughts. You see Donghyuck walk in, a pile of papers in his hands. Smiling, you stand up and wave to him. A smile tugs at his lips when he sees you, but it fades noticing with whom you were sitting. He cautiously walks over your direction.

Suddenly, a foot pops in his way, causing him to trip. He falls face flat, his papers scattering everywhere. You gasp and hurry over to him.

“Donghyuck, are you okay?!”

He ignores your words and hurries to pick up his papers with you helping him. You notice the papers he dropped were in fact sheet music. Before you can ask about them, you hear laughter from the tables around you and then a low voice.

“Doesn't seem like little Hyuck here knows how to walk properly. Guess that comes with the title of being a freak.”

You grind your teeth in irritation. Standing up, you face the person with the irritating voice. It was Hendery, who had a cocky smirk plastered on his face.

“What the fuck is your problem?” You speak through your teeth.

Hendery raises a brow. “Excuse me?”

“You fucking heard me. I said, what the fuck is your problem?” You growl.

“I don't have a fucking problem, little girl. But you seem to.” Hendery takes a step forward, smirking at you.

“Back the fuck off, prick. He hasn't done anything to you.” You raise your hands and shove him back. He stumbles backwards, not expecting you to become physical.

The six boys that were watching drop their jaws in shock. They never would expect you to be this straight forward. “Oh, I like her,” Renjun nods in approval.

Hendery's smirk turns into a scowl. He straightens himself up and takes two steps, suddenly right in your face. You raise a hand to push him again but he snatches it before you can. “Oh, little girl. You're going to regret that.”

Once the boy put his hands on you, Mark and Jisung were next to you faster than you thought possible. Mark pries Hendery's hand off of you and pushes you behind him.

“Don't fucking touch her.” Mark crosses his arms, Jisung following suit.

“Oh look, it's Mark and little Jisungie. How sweet, saving the new girl.” Hendery weighs his options and realizes he wouldn't win in a fight two against one. He turns his scowl back onto you. “Next time you start something, you better finish it yourself.” He sends one more glare to Jisung and Mark before exiting the cafeteria in a huff.

Your eyes burn into his back as you watch him leave. You then turn your attention back onto the mute boy. “Are you okay, Hyuck? He didn't hurt you, did he?” You help him up by his arm.

Donghyuck looks around the cafeteria. Everyone was watching closely, their judgmental eyes boring into him. His anxiety spikes, making him react immediately. He rips his arm away from you, causing you to look at him with concerned eyes. He writes on his board.

Why the hell did you do that?

You furrow your brows. “I was just concerned and wanted to help.”

Just stop. I don't need your help. I don't need your pity.

“I-I'm not pitying you.” You speak in a quiet voice.

I was fine before you showed up. You're making everything worse. Just leave me alone!

You swallow the lump in your throat, trying to hold back your tears. “I'm sorry,” you squeak out in a quiet voice before booking it out of the cafeteria.

Jisung gives Donghyuck a disappointed look before running after you to make sure you're okay. Mark turns to Donghyuck with an incredulous look.

“What the hell was that for?”

Donghyuck ignores Mark and walks out of the cafeteria. Mark growls and follows him. He grabs Donghyuck by the shoulder and turns him around, but there were already words on his board.

Leave me alone, Mark.

“Like hell I will. Why the fuck did you say that to her? She didn't do anything wrong.”

I don't need her pity friendship. I'm not a charity case.

“But that's not what she was doing! She actually cares about you and wanted to help!”

How the hell would you know that?

Mark throws up his hands in frustration. “Because she told me. She told all of us.”

Donghyuck glares.

I don't believe you. You're just trying to humiliate me.

“Donghyuck, Stop! I'm not trying to do anything! Whether you believe it or not, I'm still your friend! We are ALL still your friends, no matter how hard you push us away!” Mark stops Donghyuck from writing, now fully angry. “I understand what you went through was awful. It was fucking god awful and I couldn't even imagine how you feel. But that is never an excuse to block every person who tries to get close to you! Not everyone is out to hurt you!”

Donghyuck grinds his teeth together in irritation but remains still. Mark puts his hands on both of Donghyuck's shoulders and shakes him. “Wake the fuck up, Hyuck. You have a girl who is cute, sweet, confident, and willing to get her ass beat just to be close to you! She really fucking likes you, Hyuck.”

Donghyuck's eyes widen at Marks words. He quickly writes something on his board.

She likes me?

Mark chuckles dryly. “Yeah, she does. She asked us if she should ask you out, if you'd say yes if she did. We told her she should.”

She was going to ask me out? Why me?

“Because you're an amazing person, Hyuck. Anyone would be lucky to have you and clearly she knows that.”

Donghyuck takes it all in, imagining a world where you were his girlfriend. A smile slips onto his lips at the thought but slowly slips away once he remembers what he said to you. The image of your smile fading and the confidence in your voice gone after what he said ate at him. He had to fix this. Knowing he had his next class with you caused him to make a beeline for the classroom, leaving Mark standing there confused.

He bursts into the classroom, hoping to god you were already there. To his disappointment, he beat you to it. Sitting at his desk, he prepared a little note to show you as soon as you had reached the class. However, as time went on, there was no sign of you. Worry started to eat at Donghyuck. This was writing, your favorite course. There was no way you'd miss it.

There was only 20 minutes left of the class and still no sign of you. Donghyuck's anxiety rose the longer he sat knowing he'd had hurt you. Not being able to sit still any longer, he grabbed his stuff and booked it out of the room to search for you, ignoring the protests of the teacher.

Donghyuck walked through the halls, searching high and low for you. He had no idea where he should be looking but that didn't stop him from checking every possible room in the school. His heart grew heavy as he was about to give up after about 10 minutes of searching. That's when he heard something.

It was a voice. Not just any voice, but a very familiar one, that was accompanied by a piano playing. Donghyuck followed the faint voice to a practice room in the music wing of the school. In stealth mode, the boy peaked through the window to see you at the piano. Your fingers danced upon the keys, your beautiful voice flowing from your lips. He was in awe at your talent, never once thinking you'd be into singing. At that moment, Donghyuck had fully and completely fallen head over heels for you, making him all that much more determined to fix what he had broken.

Gathering up the courage, Donghyuck knocks softly on the door, causing you to stop abruptly. You turn to see the boy waving sheepishly through the window, your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Opening the door, you raise a brow.

"Oh, Donghyuck. Hi."

He waves gently, his shyness taking over. He takes a step inside and closes the door behind him.

"What are you doing here? How did you find me?"

Donghyuck writes on his board and turns to show you.

I came to apologize. I heard your voice.

Your face pales. "Y-You heard me? I thought these rooms were soundproof." Your voice comes out quiet. "That's really embarrassing, oh my god."

Donghyuck's eyes widen. He shakes his head and waves his hands, indicating you misunderstood. He erases the writing before and replaces it.

No! I didn't mean anything bad. You sound amazing. Your voice is incredible!

A blush settles across your cheeks. "O-Oh, thank you."

I'm so sorry about what I said. I didn't mean it.

You read the words on his board and shake your head. "N-no, don't apologize. You have every right to feel that way." Your voice is quiet. "Just know I don't bug you because I pity you. I like you."

Donghyuck's face turns bright red at your words. He erases the words on his board quickly before writing again with a shaky hand.

I like you too. A lot.

Now it was your turn to blush. To Donghyuck's surprise, you grab his white board and wrote on it. He watches you curiously. You turn the board around to reveal the words you wrote.

Will you go out with me?🖤

Donghyuck's eyes widen once he reads the words, a smile brightening up his face. He suddenly grabs your hands and pulls you close to him. He laces his fingers with yours and nods, forming the word 'Yes' with his lips. You squeal and give him a quick peck on the cheek, causing his face to burn bright red.

The bell rings, signaling the end of the period. You smile at Donghyuck and grab your book bag, pulling him out of the practice room by the hand. The two of you walk through the halls to your next class, hand in hand. It doesn't take long for the students in the halls to notice this act of affection, causing everyone to stop and whisper. Donghyuck blushes, his anxiety rising, not liking the new attention on him. He looks at you out of the corner of his eyes, trying to gauge your reaction but you had nothing except a smile upon your beautiful face. He swallowed the lump in his throat and tightened his grip on your hand. If you weren't scared of the newfound attention, then neither would he be.

Unbeknownst to you, Yangyang watches closely from his locker, a scowl dripping from his features. He didn't like seeing Donghyuck gaining this sudden confidence, worried he'll once again raise up. He had to do something about it if he wanted to stay on top. And quick.

~~~

It's been two weeks since you and Donghyuck had made your relationship official. During those weeks, you could see a big difference between when you first met Donghyuck to now. While he remains mute and intimidated easily, his smile is a lot more common than not and he no longer hesitates to sit with his old group of friends. The rest of the boys were incredibly happy to see him be more sociable, especially Mark, thanking you regularly because of it. You still had issues with the rest of the student body, particularly YangYang, Xiaojun and Hendery. But having Donghyuck, Mark and the rest of the boys, you can't complain.

Today was Sunday and you had been invited over for dinner at Donghuck's house. He told you after the accident, his aunt had taken him in as her own son. Now you were laying on Donghyuck's bed next to him, feeling full after the nice dinner his aunt made you. You turn on your side to face Donghyuck, who was staring at the ceiling.

"Your aunt is really nice, Hyuck. I hope she likes me." You twiddle your fingers in nervousness.

Donghyuck smiles and grabs his white board.

Of course she does. Who wouldn't like you?

You chuckle. "Apparently everyone at school."

Donghyuck rolls his eyes.

Those idiots wouldn't know anything good if it smacked them in the face.

You laugh, smacking him in the shoulder. He grins at you, the sound of your laughter filling his ears like a melody. The two if you stare at each other in comfortable silence for a few minutes, just enjoying each other's company. Getting bold, you shift your body so you were hovering over him. Donghyuck's face turns bright red at your current positioning. You lift your hand up, gently caressing his face.

"Hyuck? Can I kiss you?" You tilt your head.

The boy swallows the lump in his throat and nods quickly. You lean down and close your eyes, your lips connecting with his. Donghyuck freezes for a moment, nerves still taking over his body. But after a few seconds, his eyes flutter closed and he finally starts kissing back.

As your lips move against his, your feelings for him grow. His soft, plush lips feel amazing against yours, a perfect fit. As you continue to kiss him, he grows bolder. His arms snake around your waist and pull you down directly on top of him. He pushes into the kiss, causing it to deepen and turn passionate.

Donghyuck uses his strength and gently flips you over, with a squeak from you. He is now on top of you without breaking the kiss. His hand snakes its way up to your cheek and cups it. After about another minute of making out, he pulls away, lips slightly swollen and breathing heavy.

Your face mirror's his and you smile. "Wow. That was bold of you."

The boy smiles cheekily and gives you another peck on the lips before flopping next to you. You sit up and stretch your arms and legs.

"I'm going to run to the bathroom really fast."

Donghyuck nods and you make your way out of his room and towards the bathroom.

"Oh, Y/N!"

You turn around to see Donghyuck's aunt smiling from her bedroom door. You smile and bow your head in respect.

"Mrs. Lee. Once again, thank you for inviting me over. The dinner was lovely."

Mrs. Lee nods her head with a smile. "Absolutely. When Donghyuck told me he had a girlfriend, I was surprised. It's been awhile since he had anyone over…" she trails off. Suddenly, she pulls you into a tight hug, surprising you. "Thank you, Y/N. Because of you, Donghyuck is smiling again. I've been so worried about him since the accident. He's becoming himself once again, even if he's still not speaking. I'll take a smile any day."

You pat the woman on the back, a sad smile on your face. "He's an amazing boy. He deserves nothing but happiness. And I'm hoping to help him achieve it."

She pulls away and cups your cheek in her hand with a smile. "So, when's the wedding?" She wiggles her eyebrows.

You cough dramatically, choking on air. She laughs and pats you on the shoulder. "I'm only joking. Not that I would mind." She waves to you and retreats back into her room.

You giggle to yourself, your cheeks flushed red. You shake the images of you and Donghyuck getting married out of your head, proceeding to use the bathroom like you originally intended.

~~~

"Okay, why don't we add this here…" You stick your tongue out the side of your mouth in concentration.

You and Donghyuck were sitting in the empty music room, trying to compose your song together. Turns out, the music he was carrying in the cafeteria was a new piece he was writing. He wanted to ask you to help him before he was rudly interrupted by Hendery. But now here you were, writing together as he had finally asked you.

Donghyuck nods and plays the new melody on the piano, smiling when the music hits his ears. He gives you a happy thumbs up, happy with the addition. You start to talk but Donghyuck holds up a finger to stop you. You tilt your head as he writes on his board. He holds it up and you laugh.

Hold on, I need to go to the bathroom.

He leans down to place a soft kiss on your lips before happily walking out of the room. Your cheeks blush, a small giggle slipping from your lips. You go back to playing on the piano, waiting for your boyfriend to come back. A minute later, you hear the door open and close behind you.

"Boy, that was fast-" once you turn around, your words stop and your eyes narrow. "The hell do you want?"

YangYang smirks, his head tilted to the side. "What, I can't say hi to my favorite new girl?"

You roll your eyes. "Favorite, my ass. You always want something. Spit it out."

YangYang's smirk turns into a menacing look. He walks closer to you, causing you to slide further away on the piano bench. "I want to know why! Why did you choose that.. that FREAK over me?!"

You look taken aback at his question, a glare setting over your face. "What is it to you? Why the hell do you care who I date?"

Just then you hear the closing of a door. The 4 of you turn to see Donghyuck, who was frozen in place from seeing YangYang, Xiaojun and Hendery in the room. YangYang smirks slightly, turning back to you.

"What is it to me? The new girl turned me down for him!" YangYang points an accusing finger at a frozen Donghyuck. "Me! The most popular guy in the school for the school's freak!"

You stand, holding your hands up in front of you.  "You're fucking crazy! You don't even like me! Why would you even bother wanting me?"

YangYang pulls at his hair. "Because of him!" He points at Donghyuck once again. "He used to be the popular one! Everyone loved him, he got all the girls! And the one girl in this entire school that I liked, he took her! She wanted him, not me!" YangYang growls. "I wanted to be the popular one. I wanted everyone to like me more. I wanted her to like me! And when this freak just stopped talking a year ago, I was finally able to climb up to the top, where I belong!" He turns an accused finger to you. "And then you showed up. That's when everything started going downhill for me!"

Your eyes widen, anger set in them. You take a wide arch around YangYang to get to Donghyuck. "You're a jealous psycho!"

"I was going to take you from him. Like he took her from me!" Before you could make it to Donghyuck, YangYang grabs your wrist and pulls you to him. "You fucking embarrassed me!" You attempt to pull away from the boy but his grip tightens, causing you to whimper. "You owe me!"

"Get the fuck off of me!" You kick him in the shin and he groans but doesn't let go. You look over at Donghyuck who looks at YangYang's hand gripping your wrist. His eyes are wide, terrified of you getting hurt.

Xiaojun snickers, "Hyuck, you're just going to let YangYang do that to your girl? You're not going to say anything?" Donghyuck swallows, his jaw trembling but stays quiet. Xiaojun laughs louder. "Wow, how pathetic. Boyfriend of the year, right here."

You pull at YangYang again but he still doesn't let go. You glare at Xiaojun. "I don't need him to help me, I can handle myself. He's fine the way he is." You shift your eyes to Donghyuck and give him a small smile, reassuring him you're okay.

YangYang recovers from the shin kick, his icy glare turns menacing. He takes your other wrist and slams you up against the wall of the music room. You yelp in pain as your head hits the wall hard. "How dare you kick me!" He slams you again. "I told you you were on my radar, new girl. Now you're going to get it!" He slams you again and again, tears coming to your eyes.

"S-STOP!"

A new voice comes into the mix. Everyone stops what their doing and turns to the only other person in the room. Donghyuck.

YangYang turns to face him, a brow raised. "What? Did you say something?"

Donghyuck's fists clench, his eyes angry. He takes a step towards YangYang and opens his mouth. "I s-said stop."

Your eyes are wide, tears now flowing from hearing Donghyuck talk. YangYang raises a brow and busts out laughing. "So, the mute freak decided to finally open his mouth. What are you going to do if I don't?"

YangYang leans in close to you, his lips almost touching yours. But before he could, Donghyuck rips him away, a fist flying at his face. Donghyuck's fist makes contact with YangYang's face, sending him staggering backwards.

"Get the hell away from my girlfriend." Donghyuck breathes out, his fists clenched with a glare and standing in front of you.

YangYang shrieks, blood dripping down his cheek, his under eye already bruising. He straightens himself up, a psychotic, angry look on his face. "Oh, you are going to fucking pay for that, you little freak!"

You step around next to Donghyuck, your eyes icy. "If you so much as lay a fucking finger on him, I will tell the principal that you assaulted me first."

YangYang looks between the two of you, both mirroring each other's expressions towards him. Hendery places a hand on YangYang's shoulder. "Dude, let's just get out of here. We can't afford to get into any more trouble."

YangYang growls but nods. "This won't be the last time you hear from me. Trust me." A scowl spreads across his face. "We have the rest of the school year to settle this."

Donghyuck grinds his teeth. "It won't be as easy for you now."

YangYang huffs and wipes the blood from his cheek. He flips the two of you the finger before stomping off with Xiaojun and Hendery in tow. As soon as the door closes shut, Donghyuck sighs in relief. He turns to you.

"Y/N, are you ok- hey, why are you crying?"

He furrows his brows at the sight of tears in your eyes. Donghyuck reaches up to cup your face, gently brushing the tears from your cheeks with his thumbs. "Are you okay? Did he hurt you bad?"

You shake your head, your lip quivering. "Y-You talked. You're talking to me. Right now." You smile, placing your hands on top of his.

Donghyuck's cheeks turn bright pink in embarrassment. He chuckles awkwardly. "Y-Yeah, I did." His face falls. "Y/N, I'm so sorry I haven't been standing up for you. All this time, I've let YangYang and his goons bully you, not saying anything. And all you've done is stand by my side and defend me with everything." He shakes his head, looking directly into your misty eyes. "But no more. From now on, I will defend you and stand by you no matter what. It's my turn to protect you."

Your lip quivers with every word, pulling him into a tight hug after his speech. Donghyuck wraps his arms tightly around you, burying his nose into your neck. "Hyuckie, that never bothered me. It didn't bother me when you were silent. I love you for how you are currently, not what you could become."

Donghyuck pulls away, a light smile on his lips, a mischievous gleam in his eye. "Did you just say you love me?"

You squeak, your eyes widening as you realize your choice of words. Before you could respond, Donghyuck leans forward and captures your lips in his. You instantly melt into his body, kissing him back. The two of you stay like that for a while before you hear the door to the music room open and a flood of voices, making the two of you jump back.

"PDA isn't allowed in the school, you two hooligans!" Jaemin mocks, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Ya, get a room you two!" Chenle groans disgusted.

Donghyuck winks at you before speaking. "Well, we were in a room until you six barged in."

"Yeah, well, we-" Chenle stops abruptly after realizing who actually spoke to them.

The six boy's mouth hang open in shock, making you and Donghyuck giggle. Donghyuck smiles at the six boys. "You, what? Cat got your tongue?"

Suddenly, all the boys start shouting and running towards Donghyuck. You side step out of the way as 5 of the 6 boys tackle the once silent boy. Mark steps next to you, his voice low.

"Hey."

You turn to look at him with a smile, seeing tears in his eyes. He pulls you into a tight hug, his body shaking slightly. "Thank you. You don't know what it means to us that Hyuck is talking again." He pulls away with a small smile. "I don't know how you did it, but thank you."

You giggle and pat the boys shoulder. "I know how much he means to you boys. Thank you for sticking by him throughout this whole ordeal." You turn to watch your boyfriend, who's smiling and laughing with the group of rowdy boys. "He really means the world to me too."

Donghyuck smiles at his friends. "You guys should be thanking Y/N. She really helped me break down my walls."

Chenle turns to you, tears in his eyes and surprise attacks you with a hug. "Thank you so much, Y/N! You're an angel!"

The rest of the boys respond in a similar way, all bringing you into a giant group hug. You giggle and hug them back. Jaemin claps his hands after pulling away.

"Alright, let's celebrate! Ice Cream on Mark!"

"What?! No-" Everyone cheers over Mark's protests, immediately pulling each other to leave the room. Mark groans and follows them out.

You turn to Donghyuck and smile. "I would love to hear you sing, as a way to celebrate."

Donghyuck's smile falters, the old, anxious look he had when your first met returning. You chuckle softly and pecked him on the cheek. "Whenever you're ready, baby. Don't rush yourself."

Donghyuck sighs in relief and kisses your nose. He grabs your hand and pulls you along after the boys. "Come on, let's go get ice cream." You smile as he pulls you along, this moment giving you nothing but pure happiness.

aug. 25. 2021 10:33 pm

this is purely to help sustain what is left of my mental health.

this is my feeble attempt to journal, to self-soothe and meditate as a casual cliche girl does. this is my attempt to revive the old cliche girl i used to be who used to journal and make art in order to cope and not bother anyone with her head.

parents sure are frustrating. not just mine, but any in general. not all of them are the problem, and not all kids are the problem, i think it is truly just a lack of understanding of one another. i think there always will be a boundary in which parents and their children will never, or almost never, cross with one another. that boundary i think is fairly obvious. the difference between the one who is raising the child, and the one who is being raised. 

parents are very complicated, but that doesn’t go to say children aren’t as well. however, i think to parent is the world’s hardest job and no one has ever gotten it right, and no one ever will. i am currently 17 and i don’t plan on being a parent anytime soon, so i am solely relying on my experience as the one being raised in this situation.

i remember going to the doctor’s office on very short notice because i had a uti i needed medication for, and while i was by myself i wrote in the “reason(s) for visit” portion was uti and mental health.

i wait for about 40 minutes, while taking mental health assessments in between and answering basic questions, for a doctor to come and see me. then, my doctor comes in, tells me about my uti, and then proceeds on with my mental health. on the depression assessment, i score 19/20, and for anxiety i score 16/20. my doctor goes on to tell me i have very high scores and that i need to do something about it. she tells me its not necessarily my life that is making me depressed or anxious, but rather just how my brain is. she says i can either start up on cbt (cognitive behavioral therapy), or take SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors). i decide i want to tell my mom how about my mental health, so the doctor gets her in, tells her about my scores, what i can do, and i can’t help but sit there and cry. the saddest thing though, is that when the doctor saw me crying she asked me if i wanted a hug, she gave me one, and then when i left the office, my mother walked ahead of me, didn’t hug me, kiss me, comfort or console me in any way, she just walked ahead without looking back and dryly asked if i was okay. we go to the pharmacy, where many people see me cry, and my mom is sitting there angrily wondering what there is for me to be upset about. what is there for me to be depressed about, what is there for me to be anxious about.

the car ride home isn’t any better. it’s yelling, because we don’t understand each other. we get home, and i’m finally able to tell her what’s wrong with me. but is there anything wrong with me? i don’t fucking know. there isn’t anything wrong with my life. my parents are together, i live in a nice, big house, i have friends, i have a boyfriend. what is there to be upset about? people are going through worse, and i have it all. what i there to be depressed and anxious for? my dad told me anxiety doesn’t exist. my anxiety doesn’t exist. my negative emotions are invalid, i haven’t gone through anything traumatic. my past isn’t like my mom’s. if anything, the one who should’ve been depressed or anxious was my mom. she had a rough childhood, my dad said. i know she did. maybe it’s my generation he said. he told me to look on the bright side, to stop googling anxiety attacks. funnily enough dad, i have known what those were for years. maybe years before you lied to your doctor about having anxiety yourself. you think i haven’t tried looking on the bright side dad? this is why i don’ confide in you. you kept talking over me while i was trying to talk to you, i stopped talking over you because it’s rude, only for you to say “youre barely saying anything.” 

you don’t believe in mental health. maybe there truly is just something wrong with me. maybe i just am crazy. too weak.

this doesn’t go to say my mom hasn’t done anything. i don’t know what is true and what isn’t when it comes to my memory. “you keep inventing new things” she says when i bring up a memory that makes her look bad even in the slightest. i remember when we got home from the doctor’s office, i remember being able to talk to her calmly for just a little, and trying my best to tell her what’s wrong. and i could tell she was trying hard to understand, i could really tell. i told her though the most simple thing she could do that would help me. i told her that all i wanted from her was a hug and a kiss, and her reassuring me that everything was gonna be okay. my dad came home, was no help to aid me at all, and actually made me feel worse. after his long talk, i decided to go for a walk with my boyfriend, and before i went i remember my mom pulling me aside and her telling me she loves me and that she’ll be there for me before i left. i hope she means it. but for now, i will not confide in her, or my dad, or my sister, or my brother, or any of my friends for that matter. no one in my life is permanent but myself, and i need to learn to tend to myself. 

Survey #292

“dear god, let’s make this fucking clear: dear god, there’s nothing that i fear”

What internet browser do you use? Chrome. What brand water do you drink? (Smart Water, Dasani, etc) Mom just grabs the Great Value jugs. Do you have a job? No. Are you full-time or part-time? N/A Are you watching TV right now? No. Or are you listening to music? Yeah, "Mr. Crowley" by Ozzy. Such a great song. Would you go to jail for 3 years for $1,000,000? No. I would NOT survive in jail. When's your birthday? February 5th. I cannot fucking believe I'm almost 25. Thoughts on kids? Too impressionable for me. Even with my niece and nephew, I feel like every single word I say just like... stamps into their brains, and what if I say something that negatively affects them? I feel like it's my responsibility as an aunt to be a fountain of wisdom when I'm definitely not. I just get nervous around kids. Worst punishment you've ever received by your parents? I wouldn't call it a "punishment," but when I skinned the everliving fuck out of my knees and Mom was patching me up while I was just sobbing away, my dad literally roared "SHUT UP!" from my parents' bedroom, and it's stuck with me forever. Honestly, I think it may be a root in my extreme fear of men yelling. Worst punishment from Mom, probably this time where she smacked the shit outta my arm as a kid and left a clear handprint for a while. Are you the type who is completely against abortion? Why? No, I am firmly pro-choice, despite being pro-life most of my life. I don't feel like writing a moral essay, but basically, I absolutely cannot agree with forcing a woman to carry a human they don't want for whatever reason for nine fucking months, endure one of the most traumatically painful things known to man, and then properly and adequately care for that child. That is such a huge fucking responsibility that should be forced upon *nobody*. "But adoption!" Yeah, go tell that to the thousands of children waiting on you. This is leaning on exactly what I said I wouldn't do, so moving along. Have you ever read a book that actually changed your outlook on life? "I’ve read some books that were phenomenal, but I wouldn’t necessarily go so far as to say that they 'changed my outlook on life'." <<<< This was Johnny Got His Gun for me. Does your favorite flower hold any meaning to you? No. What would you do if your favorite animal became endangered? I would fucking freak. Have you ever owned an expensive eyeshadow palette? No, but I honestly do want at least one, primarily with a deep black and then some nice grays and neutral colors. Do you own a tripod for your camera? Yes. Are your nails always painted? Quite the opposite. What's one thing you've had a toxic reaction to? A breakup. Which holiday is your favorite to decorate for? I honestly don't really decorate because I just don't have the motivation, but Halloween is the best. Were you popular in school? Nope. Are there any foods that often give you heartburn or indigestion? BANANAS, dark sodas (like Coke or Dr. Pepper), peanut butter can... It's hard for me to tell much now because I have chronic heartburn and am medicated for it. Works great, so I don't experience this much. Is there something you intend to buy in the near future? Yes. Once my tattoo is done (I'm setting the appointment the next time we leave the house, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH), what I have left is going towards Venus' new terrarium. She really needs a 40 gallon. Is anyone in your family artistically talented? What about musically? I was the art kid, and family still insist I should be an artist. What cute behaviors or characteristics does/do your pet(s) have? Omg, Roman has so many. He nuzzles me all the time, will collapse into my hand to pet him, he insists on being the little spoon at bedtime (no, really), he literally tries to groom me with his teeth, licks my face... He is just a doll. My little buddy for sure. Now onto Venus. She loves to chill next to me in bed or find a cozy place under the covers, and omgggg does she love to slither around the bed doing the periscope thing. So curious. What's the screensaver on your computer? I don't have one. What’s the sexiest thing about a guy? I am WEAK for nice shoulderblades/muscular shoulders ok. What’s the sexiest thing about a girl? I am an ass bitch and I will not hesitate to admit it ayyyyyeeeee. Who were you with at midnight on January 1, 2021? Nobody. Who was the last person to send you a message on social media? My sister Misty. She's planning to surprise Mom (her stepmom, anyway) by showing up in a few weeks with her fiance and all her kids she's never met but desperately wants to. My mom is the only "real mom" she's ever had, and she just feels so bad that she has a by now teenage daughter (among three other younger ones) that has never met her "grandmother." It's just an expensive and long trip, but Misty's finally called it enough and is just driving down here with everyone. Mom is going to fucking sob. ^ What qualities does this person have, that you appreciate? Nice timing for this, since her fiercely anti-mask bullshit is all I can focus on about her lately... but there are good things about her. She truly is a very loving, passionate woman that, just like me, feels deeply and expresses it. What was the last thing that caused you to scowl, or frown? Does grimacing count from a sudden bodily pain? Have you smiled at any point during the last hour? Yeah. I'm watching the VOD of Arin Hanson playing Kingdom Hearts 2 for charity, and he went on a total fucking laughing fit. His laugh is so precious, so I just couldn't stop grinning. What was the last thing you consulted Google for? Ensuring "grimace" was the right word for my former expression, even though I was pretty positive it was correct... I don't know if anyone's noticed, but my English skills are degrading, particularly in spelling. It's concerning me. I was an English whiz my whole life up to now. My only guess is it's related to how godawful my memory is also declining. So, did anyone send you a "Happy New Year" message when midnight hit? No. When was the last time you were on a carousel? Probably not since I was a teenager being goofy with Jason or somebody. What is the closest you have ever been to an elephant? I have a picture on my dA of a beautiful elephant walking RIGHT by its fence at the zoo. It was pretty amazing, considering just how incredibly immense their enclosure is. Have you ever played Halo? No, it's not my kinda game. Have you ever read a National Geographic magazine? Oh, I'm positive I've read sections while in waiting rooms of various places. When was the last time you had a pillow fight? I have no idea. Realistically it was probably w/ Jason since that sounds like some cute playfighting thing we'd do, but I don't remember a particular instance. Name somebody who you think deserves more respect: "Retail works. The horror stories my mom has on the daily is absolutely ridiculous. People can be so incredibly rude." <<<< I absolutely agree with this; what friends and strangers alike rant about is just depressing. Nobody, especially those working through a goddamn pandemic that's killing thousands, deserves the disrespect that comes their way. Have some goddamn decency and know half the issues you bring up to retail workers isn't even their damn fault. Ohhhh, I could rant about this. In your own words, define what the word sexy means. So you mean like, what I think is considered sexy, not just the general definition? If that's the case, uhhh. Self-confidence (but absolutely not arrogance) is very attractive to me as a bitch who lacks it entirely, as well as good manners, being outgoing, and just... charm. I don't quite know how to describe that "charm" other than I'm really drawn to people who are unique and happy with it and just seem to have an aura about them that feels good to be in. What is the most popular tourist attraction where you live? I'm going to look at this question as if you're asking about my state and not general location because 1.) there ain't shit here and 2.) I'd prefer to keep relatively where I live quiet on the Internet. Looked it up and apparently NC's biggest tourist bait is the Biltmore Estate. Never been there myself, but it'd be pretty dope. Without looking - do you know what brand your underwear is? I'm in my own home and pjs, who the fuck wears underwear with that criteria lmao. Are you any good at volleyball? NOOOOOOOOO. I went to a volleyball camp thing once when I was younger and that shit hurts the hell outta your hands. I didn't stay long. Have you ever had a water balloon fight? Why of course. Do you think some babies are ugly? Quite honestly, probably most, especially newborns. Don’t you miss Chuck E. Cheese? I do; going there was one of the most exciting possible things to me as a kiddo. Do you think Fall Out Boy is gonna be a classic band, like Queen or AC/DC? Possibly. I mean they sure are pretty successful and well-known. Do you love stuff-crusted pizza? Eh, it's not my preference, but I'll eat it. Do you apply lotion after you bathe? No, but I really should, given how dry my skin is. What’s your favorite color? Pastel pink. Who did you have your most amazing kiss with? I'd like to not think about this. Has a YouTube video of yours ever gotten over 10,000 views? Lol definitely not. I think at least one on my older channel hit 1k somehow???? It was a birthday gift I made for someone. Would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone? lol I already have one there. At some point I'm getting it covered, though. Do you like Robert Frost poems? I do! Do you go to church every Sunday? I never do. Have you ever been in a relationship on-and-off for more than a year? No, I don't play that game. You want me or you don't, so I'm not wasting my time on your uncertainty or just our lack of stability for whatever reason. If you had to get famous for one of the following, which would you choose: music, acting, writing, modeling? Absolutely writing. What do you think of girls with huge boobs that don’t wear bras in public? ?????????????????? i don't?????????????? care???????????????? they're not my tits??????????????? What is the last thing you tried on in a store? I don't know. I avoid trying shit on like the plague. And then it ends up being too big/small. I wonder why. Is sleeping naked more comfortable than in clothes? I've only ever fallen asleep naked once, and accidentally at that, so I really don't remember how I felt about it? Consciously though, I would feel very, very vulnerable so don't have plans to when I have my own place. Have you ever had a dream in which you were making out, or more, with someone? HAHAHA Y'AAAAAALLLLLLL THIS WAS DEADASS THE ONLY LUCID DREAM I'VE EVER HAD LMAOOOOO Do you feel as though you have a good memory, or are you forgetful at times? Do you feel that your short-term memory or long-term memory is better? My short-term memory is absolutely atrocious, like to the point it seriously affects my ability to get shit done. You can give me something that needs to be done and I will forget in a heartbeat. Now, my long-term memory is astonishing. I can remember many things from my childhood in incredible detail. Have you ever had a concussion or some other sort of brain injury before? Did you need to have surgery for it? I've had a concussion or two. I can't remember which. I didn't need surgery. Do you have any sort of mental illnesses or disorders? What do they involve? Yeah: chronic depression, crippling social anxiety, generalized anxiety, avoidant personality disorder (AvPD), obsessive compulsive disorder, PTSD, bipolar II, and I think that's it. My head's a mess and a half. What’s the longest that your hair has ever been? How about the shortest? When is the last time that you got it cut? About to the small of my back; how it is now, which is pretty much shaved on the left and fades to near my chin on the right. I actually got it cut last month; we've gone to a family friend for years whose shop is just an extra building by her house and very rarely has more than two clients in it. We had masks on, of course. At what age did you start getting gray hairs, if you happen to have any? I don't have any. Somehow, given my stress level at all times, haha. What are some ways that you style your hair? Do you use any sorts of products in it? It's too short to style. I don't use any products in it but obviously shampoo. Who was the last person to truly get on your nerves? What do you think caused you to feel that way? Probably my mom. I think she was in a rotten mood for one reason or another and just being snappy and generally rude. Do you recycle? Is this through choice or do you live somewhere where it’s compulsory? We do; it's by choice, and it'd be immensely ignorant not to where we live considering it literally gets picked up with the other garbage. Do you prefer plain, carbonated, or flavored water? Do you think you drink enough water throughout the day? I've never tried carbonated water, and flavored water rarely works for me due to artificial sweeteners giving me beastly headaches. So I'll just take really cold, filtered water. Have you ever needed to call the police, ambulance, or fire department? I had to call the ambulance for my mom right before her cancer was discovered because she was literally immobile and in ungodly pain. When was the last time you visited the library? What was the purpose of your visit? At my old college, as the newspaper photographer, I took some artsy pics up there. I will probably forever worry that leaving school resulted in the biggest career opportunity slipping through my fingers through that newspaper. Do you see a lot of wild animals where you live? Are any of them dangerous? I guess about the normal amount you'd see in the country. Some dangerous animals live here, sure, that's probably everywhere, but you very rarely see any. Aside from when you were born, have you ever had to stay the night in the hospital? For suicidal thoughts and one attempt, yes. Have you ever experienced a panic attack? Ahhhh, do I know those well. Thankfully, it's been a long time since I had an all-out panic attack. Would you ever want to go into the medical profession? Was your answer different pre-COVID? Nope. Well, besides being a vet, which I haven't wanted to be since I was a kid. Where you live, are people paying attention to whatever restrictions are in place to help control COVID? Many? No. Because it's apparently a fuckin hoax or not as bad as the government wants us to think. Fucking cretins. Do you get a real or artificial Christmas tree? Artificial. Real ones aren't worth the money nor mess. What’s your favourite type/flavor of popcorn? Caramel corn. Do you drink oat milk? No, but I'm interested in at least trying it. The dairy industry is absolutely repulsive if you look into it, and I'd love to do what I can to take as little part in it as possible... even though I am a dairy fiend. I seriously wish I could go vegan, I am just WAY too picky for it. Do you love thrifting? Oh fuck yes. I've been very few times in my life, but I'mm all about it. Do you consider using only lowercase letters your aesthetic? I do find it visually appealing; I like the flow of similar letter height. I never do it for "serious" things, but on places where it's "for the aesthetic," it's likely that's how I'll write something. Do you say “mood?” Way too much lmao. Do you own fairy lights? No, though I would like them if it wouldn't look stupid in my room. Do you own glass straws because the metal ones kind of gross you out because you can’t tell if they are clean or not? ... I didn't know glass straws were a thing. I have a handful of metal ones though, but I always forget I have one in my purse when I go out... Have you made a TikTok? No. Do you own airpods? No. Are you afraid of Mercury in retrograde? I don't believe in a planet's position or whatever having any effect on people. Do you make life choices based on astrology? Definitely not, considering I don't believe in it to begin with. How many pairs of converse shoes do you own? Maybe like, five? Number of jeans in your closet: Zero. What accent do you have? Not really any, but sometimes I sound kinda southern with specific words. Do you have a big butt? Yo I got a Hank Hill ass, so no. Do you count how long you and your gf/bf have been together? In my past relationships, yes, I assigned our anniversary to memory. I don't really... know why, like it doesn't really matter how long you've been together, I just do. Have you graduated? From HS, yes. I dropped out of college three times lmao. Rihanna or Lady GaGa? Ohhh, not sure. Maybe GaGa, but both ladies have songs I love. "Disturbia" doess beat all of her songs, tho. The fuckin BEAT. Do you use fake eyelashes? Never tried 'em. Which was the last book that really captivated you? The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. What makeup brands do you use? I'm not loyal to any, really. I would be if I could afford expensive shit, but yeah, that ain't my life.

JEREMIAH GREY ##STATS&BIO

Basic Information

Full Name: jeremiah grey

Nickname(s): jay

Age: twenty-four

Date of Birth: march 23, 1995

Zodiac Sign: aries

Hometown: las vegas, nevada

Current Location: san francisco, california

Ethnicity: his mother is caucasian, his father is african american

Nationality: american

Gender: cis male

Pronouns: he/him

Orientation: heterosexual

Physical Appearance

Face Claim: justice smith

Hair Colour: dark brown

Eye Colour: dark brown

Height: 5′10″ (178 cm)

Weight: 149 lbs (68 kg)

Health

Physical Ailments: none

Neurological Conditions: borderline personality disorder

Allergies: none

Sleeping Habits: varies, depending on level of anxiety/current state of mind.

Eating Habits: varies. tends to snack frequently, rather than eat large meals.

Exercise Habits: goes for a run 1-2 times a day.

Emotional Stability: it varies, but overall about a 5 or 6.

Sociability: likes to be alone, or in the company of 1-5 other people. but he doesn’t fear public places or crowds and doesn’t have social anxiety (typically). just a preference.

Addictions: cigarettes, usually stress related.

Drug Use: none that he consumes habitually. he’s experimented with psychedelics and marijuana, but it’s just a once in while type thing.

Alcohol Use: about once or twice a week on average.

Personality

Positive Traits: adaptable, adventurous, amusing, charming, determined, quick witted, resourceful, tough

Negative Traits: detached, finicky, moody, obsessive, quick tempered, stubborn, unstable

Hobbies: swimming, running, conspiracy theories, hiking, visiting abandoned towns/buildings & old cemeteries, people watching

Habits: smoking, whistling, biting the skin around his nails, fiddling with objects or his clothing, tapping his foot

BIO:

TRIGGER WARNINGS: CHILDHOOD ABUSE, SELF HARM & SUICIDE IS BRIEFLY MENTIONED, MENTAL HEALTH

Jeremiah grew up in Las Vegas

His father left him and his mother when Jeremiah was 12. He had been verbally and physically abusive to both of them up until his departure.

The trauma stuck with Jeremiah and later led to him being diagnosed with borderline personality disorder

When he was in middle school he would have “episodes” of social and mental withdrawal. They would last a few hours typically, and without the clinical resources to diagnose it, he would always refer to it as being “trapped in himself”

Being trapped meant he was disassociating. He would basically just “blank out.” An inability to focus on one thing, just racing thoughts that he couldn’t keep track of or characterize. Often times he would have to physically escape as well, isolating from other people. A lot of the time he had urges to self harm, or even suicidal fantasies.

His personality for the most part was bubbly and charismatic, he was adventurous and always starting a new hobby or interest. And then he would become “trapped” in his mind.

His inability to characterize his mental illness, and his childhood trauma, culminated in a short temper.

He was suspended from school in his junior year for getting into a fist fight. He was sent to mandatory counseling sessions, where he was formally diagnosed as having borderline personality disorder.

For a few years he faded in and out, never quite having a quick fix or remedy when he felt trapped or angry. And he refused medication, or any forms of continued therapy.

His senior year of school he just couldn’t put up with it anymore. The bouts of aggression, being labelled a freak, the lost sense of loneliness that accompanied being “trapped.”

Every time he’d have an “episode” he would journal. An attempt at collecting and manifesting the racing thoughts. He would smoke a cigarette, hold his breath, count to ten, and write everything he possibly could. Then he would go for a run.

It worked, at least a little bit. It made him feel more in control. A way to cope. And whenever he feels it coming on, he has to get away, and chase that ability of control. He doesn’t always have to write, but he needs to do something. Go to the top of a building and yell his thoughts, or to a creek to throw rocks and count out his feelings. It’s not a one hundred percent fix, and he still has outbursts that mimic rage. But he can clench his fists and disappear and try to deal with it.

He moved to San Francisco when he was twenty one. Just to get out on his own, face the world. His mom had a new boyfriend, someone better than his father. And he felt okay leaving her, finding himself.

Today he’s still the same guy with borderline personality disorder, but it’s not a ghost that unwittingly haunts him. He just lets it happen, redefines it. Yeah, a bit unstable, but he doesn’t fear it anymore. Of course, he still has the traumatic threads of his pasts that still weave into his character from time to time. But he feels more free than he’s ever felt before. He has an apartment, and a job, and a different outlook on his mental health. It doesn’t feel like he’s trapped anymore, it’s just a burst of  inward thinking that he can channel into something recognizable and bearable.

Jeremiah works as a delivery guy for the businesses on Carroway Street.

FAST FACTS / HEADCANONS / PERSONALITY:

Goofy and lovable, unless he’s in a “mood.” Sometimes he may seem a bit odd or scatter-brained, jumping from topic to topic in conversation.

Likes memorizing random facts, and sprinkles them in when talking to people. He doesn’t naturally have a very good memory, so he tries to purposefully improve on that.

Often comes up with nicknames for people.

Sometimes he’ll just say some cryptic, vague shit. Something ominous or nonsensical. This is just him thinking out loud usually.

The way he interacts with people is usually pretty vibe based. If someones a dick, he’s a dick. If someones acting tough, he’ll probably try to get under their skin or irritate them a bit. He’s not afraid to say what’s on his mind, and usually the thought of “filtering” himself isn’t even present. It doesn’t feel controversial to him to say some of the things he says. He doesn’t think of himself as bold or brash, but he’s come to learn over his entire lifetime that it’s the reason he’s so often branded as a freak or a weirdo.

ALSO just because he doesn’t “filter” himself in conversations, doesn’t automatically mean he’s an asshole, or saying rude things constantly. A lot of the times he will say stupidly sweet things that the average person would find cringy or awkward to say to another human being so brazenly.

He’s also pretty good at reading people, just he’s not very good at acting accordingly and appropriately?? I guess? Like he can pick up on vibes, but that probably won’t change the fact that he’s gonna say what he’s going to say. 

And lastly (I promise this is the end and I’m sorry this got rambly oops) he’s kind of stubborn and can be bossy, like once he gets something in his head like THAT’S IT, he’s doing it and he wants you to do it. And you can call him bull-headed or balky but he’s just going to insist he’s passionate and determined. And it’s probably annoying to the people around him but he doesn’t really care honestly he’ll probably just rant and rave and somehow convince whoever he’s with because he has a sort of cheeky charm about him. but also he’s a pain in the ass sometimes i guess.

PLAYLIST:

coming soon

WANTED PLOTS/CONNECTIONS:

any of these can be platonic or romantic, depending on how we develop them!!!

a friend that he can just “shoot the shit” with. someone who will go on little adventures with and sit in the woods with or sit on the beach with and listen to music. they never pry about his mood swings and they give him space and stuff?

someone who works at jukebox records and doesn’t mind when he loiters around all day and recommends music to him, and sometimes they’ll sit at one of the listening booth things at the store and listen to each others recommendations together.

a drinking/karaoke buddy

someone he met when he first moved to san fran (3 years ago), and maybe he’s told them about his past and his mental illness and his coping mechanisms and they’re good at recognizing the signs and they kinda help him out and let him vent and they’re just supportive and understanding. but also respect when he just needs to be alone or escape, but checks up on him cause < 3 < 3

a neighbor (in his apartment, and im assuming he lives in the calloway apartments i guess) but they started off as enemies kinda? like maybe one of them would blast music and then the other would bang on the walls and be mad and leave little passive aggressive notes telling them to stop being annoying. but maybe the loud music stopped or something?? and then the other person was like “whoa are they okay?” so then they started leaving notes that were caring and supportive and maybe little gifts or knick knacks or food for them, or little scavenger hunts, and then they just kinda started hanging out one day. IDK, this can be discussed more in depth/particular in dm’s i guess. this would be cutesy i feel!!!

an ex girlfriend or ex fwb. but it didn’t work out because they couldn’t really deal with jeremiah’s mood swings or his need to disappear sometimes, and how vague he would be about it. or maybe they suggested he should go to therapy or a support group, and since he is such a stubborn little pain in the butt he just became distant and felt judged and went cold on them. maybe there’s still some lingering feelings there, either positive or negative. we can discuss the particulars in dm!!!

someone with mental health issues, that he met at a support group when he first came to san fran. but jeremiah stopped attending the meetings after only a few. this relationship could be a lot of different things! maybe it’s hostile/confrontational, because they have differing viewpoints on how to treat mental illness. it could be supportive. or maybe it’s like a secret?? like maybe this other person was at the support group for reasons that they’ve never told anyone, and like, jeremiah can be their trusted friend or confidante.

NOTE: if there are any connections that aren’t mentioned here, but you feel like would really suit my muse, please feel free to message me!!!!!! with anything!!!!!!!

I’m having a really hard time gathering my thoughts about this. I’m just going to vent here, maybe it will help. I’m sorry it’s all really jumbled.

What I feel mostly is fear.

I also feel sad and angry.

I never had much faith in humanity before the pandemic,(especially since I work in retail), but now it’s so much worse.

I’ve read a lot of “if you’re scared, stay home, but stop telling the rest of us what to do.”

The thing is, I’m willing to compromise. I think liquor stores and fast food places are non-essential. However, I also think those places are helping people cope with the pandemic, so I don’t fight back much on people who don’t want to stay home. They can go outside and enjoy life, as long as they wear a mask.

It’s the anti-maskers that scare me the most. They scare me even more than the virus in some ways. Their selfish sense of entitlement hurts me deeply.

And because of people who feel that a piece of cloth on their face is infringing on their constitutional rights, I am absolutely terrified to go back to work.

Thankfully my governor hasn’t given the go ahead to reopen non essential businesses in my county, so currently this is not an issue for me. I’m just thinking about the future.

And...I can’t just stay home if I’m scared.

I’ve kicked around some ideas of what I might do if I’m at work and I encounter a customer who refuses to wear a mask.

1. Tell them I am uncomfortable and get someone else to help them.

2. Visibly show signs of being uncomfortable and hope they take the hint.

3. Hide.

4. Cry and run away.

I’m sure at least a couple of these options will get me into trouble. But why is it expected of me to tolerate and respect those without a mask, when they don’t respect me enough to wear one?

It’s just, fear and panic, and helping others through these tough times, it’s part of being a good person.

I have asthma, and I don’t take care of it really, but that’s another story. I wear my mask (and wear it properly over my nose) whenever I go outside my apartment.

One time I wore it to walk around a local park and by the end of my walk, I was panting pretty hard. My head hurt a little, so I went to my car, took off my mask, and blasted the a/c. Sure, I was uncomfortable, but that experience doesn’t make me feel like I shouldn’t have to wear a mask again. I just need to plan better next time, maybe take a shorter walking route until my body gets used to the mask.

I always wear my mask when I think I’ll have a chance of encountering another person. Not because I love wearing it, but because I care enough to help the other person feel more at ease. I see masks as a reasonable compromise.

It’s...I don’t know. I’m trying to think of a comparison that makes sense.

Like, if someone came to my house and told me they were terrified of cats, I wouldn’t try to get them to love mine. My cat is the sweetest, and she loves people. Everyone who has ever visited has fallen in love with my cat, but none of that matters. If my guest is scared, it would be rude of me to try to make them suddenly get over their fear. I would put my cat in the bedroom, and entertain my guest in the living room. Or we could leave and go somewhere else.

Okay, I’m slowly leading up to it. Some people have panic attacks because of wearing a mask. Should they still wear one?

Well, yeah.

I’m sorry, and I hope this doesn’t hurt too many feelings. I’m not saying that a mask can’t be traumatic. I truly feel for those who are suddenly faced with this new normal and have to learn to cope with it. It must be very difficult. But coping skills can help, as well as self care.

Like I said, I work retail.

My personal space bubble is much larger than a lot of people’s. When people stand too close to me or squeeze past me in an aisle, I hyperventilate. When this happens too many times in a row, I have to run off to the break room and drink copious amounts of water in order to calm down.

Yeah, I know I need a new job.

I get really irritated when people violate my own personal space rules that they couldn’t possibly have known about, but I don’t expect that I shouldn’t have to still learn to interact with the public because I have trauma.

Being allowed to take breaks, that’s a compromise. Having to get back out there and work despite being uncomfortable/fearful? Well...that’s life.

Which is why I will go back to work when the time comes, despite my fears of encountering someone who refuses to wear a mask.

It just makes me feel really sad that people out there refuse to think of or care about others. When I see someone not wearing a mask, or not wearing their mask properly I now automatically conclude that they are selfish.

Maybe that’s wrong. Maybe I shouldn’t judge. But it’s so hard not to when I read these terrible arguments made by anti-maskers. It’s also hard knowing how hard I’ve worked to stabilize my mental health between last year and this year, and seeing people yell and scream over a simple cloth mask just makes me feel like nothing matters anymore.

Part 2 of the Sims!MP100 AU is finally here!!! [Part 1] [Fanart for pt2: x] [Fic] [New Server]

Some more lore was added to the AU!

So basically, Mob and Ritsu were orphaned when they lost their parents to a house fire. Since they had no other relatives, they had to be put in the foster system. Reigen, (who already knew Mob before it all happened), decided he was going to do everything in his power to take care of the poor kid and keep him out of the foster system. He tried to adopt the two brothers, but there was a big pushback from the court. Reigen was single, unemployed, a smoker, and didn’t exactly have a good track record for, well, anything. There were innumerable cases before Reigen was able to finally win over the court... or at least, partially win them over. He was able to adopt Mob, but Ritsu wasn’t so lucky. Ritsu was sent to be fostered by an older woman with a lot of cats. Ritsu lives so far away now that he and Mob never get to see each other. While Mob still calls him from time to time, it feels to him like he lost his brother in the fire that day too. 

Reigen is doing his best to be the most loving parent he can be to a kid in this situation, but its hard when Mob refuses to talk or share his emotions. Reigen’s also struggling to do everything he can to get himself financially stable. He’s been in interview after interview trying to get a job so he can support Mob. Its hard though, finding time to write resumes and such, when you’re raising a kid full time. He’s trying to manage living with a demonic cat, keeping the house in one piece, keeping his kid happy and healthy, and balancing his finances all while having the court breathing down his neck. Reigen is doing everything he can to prove himself worthy to the system, not just so he can keep Mob, but also so that one day he can finally reunite the Kageyama brothers.

Even though Reigen is his legal father, Mob still goes by Kageyama and doesn’t call him dad (yet). Its hard for Mob to really accept that his parents are gone now. Reigen respects this, and doesn’t try to force the whole “dad” thing onto him, but a small part of him hopes that one day, maybe when he gets Ritsu back, he can finally be his real dad. 

and now that that's done, here's what all that’s happened since we left! :)

-Reigen tries his best to help Mob with homework, despite not knowing a thing about math.

-And finally, finally, FINALLY Reigen is able to get a job! its a crappy, minimum wage job as a mailroom technician, but hey! if it pays the bills it pays the bills.

-That night, as they’re trying to sleep, Mob and Reigen are rudely awakened by the sound of their neighbors,,,, uhh,,,,, 

-(Reigen decides he’d rather lie to the kid about what those noises are)

-But since Mob isn’t able to get any sleep, he goes over himself to bang on the neighbor’s door. 

-Turns out? Creepy stalker neighbor has a lady friend! and now she and Reigen are yelling at each other... while she’s naked...

-This, by the way, is how they start the morning of their first thanksgiving together! :)

-Reigen is actually very excited, this is their first Thanksgiving as a family after all! He can’t wait to give him boy the most perfect Thanksgiving ever! :D

-And of course, it turns out to be everything but perfect. 

-To start off, their house is invaded by gnomes:

-Thankfully, Mob and Reigen are able to appease the gnomes through the power of singing and coffee (dont question it)

-They leave Reigen with seedpackets as a token of their gratitude. Reigen’s not really sure what to do with these, but he’s very thankful.

-The gnomes, however, then decide to surround Reigen’s bed, making it impossible to go back to sleep. 

-And as if things can’t get any worse, an old friend creep decides to give Reigen a call

-how this man managed to find out that Reigen got hired the morning after he got the call is beyond all of us. Reigen hasn’t even spoken to him. He hasn’t even left the house since he got the call.

-Doesn’t he have a lady friend now?? Why doesn’t he just go and bother her?? ?

-We finally decided that things were a little bit too chaotic at the apartment. Since both of them had the day of we thought, hey, why not have Reigen and Mob go out for a little morning jog? Some body improvement! 

-We would later come to regret this decision

-Poor Mob has trouble keeping up with Reigen

-The two of them are enjoying their run so much, Reigen decides to go outside the city to run!

-They take a taxi down to Brindleton Bay, and then a boat out to a nearby island.

-Mob and Reigen continue jogging as they explore the area a bit! Mob comes up with the idea to climb up to the top of the lighthouse. They use the opportunity to get some stair exercises in. (Body improvement! Fight on!)

-The view from the top is gorgeous! Reigen can’t help but feel so proud of Mob’s progress. 

 -Mob, it seems, isn’t able to wait until Thanksgiving dinner to tell Reigen how he feels. 

-Things, it seems, can’t get any fluffier. 

-Then of course

-That’s when everything goes to shit

-Reigen is now freezing to death, trapped on an island, far away from home, with not much time left before his body temperature drops so low that Mob has to watch another one of his father figures die. 

-The chat, of course, is handling this very calmly

-Luckily, Mob spots a house on the shoreline!

-Thankfully, there was a very kind family living there!! A Mom, her son, her young daughter, as well as their dog were there when Mob arrived with Reigen

-The woman didn’t hesitate for a moment, but went straight to work saving Reigen

-Reigen resisted help at first (he didn’t want to be seen naked), but they were eventually able to get him in the tub

-Mob stood by and waited nervously as we watched his dad slowly return from the brink of death

-Thankfully, THANKFULLY, the woman was able to save him!

-Mob is more than ecstatic to see Reigen alive and breathing, he doesn’t even wait for Reigen to leave the room before he gives him a hug

 -The woman was kind enough to let them stay over at their house until Reigen’s body temperature went all the way back to normal. She even lit him a fire to warm himself by. 

-A picture of Reigen thanking the kind woman

-While Reigen is sitting by the fire bundled in blankets, trying to get the cold out of his bones, Mob finds himself making a new friend. 

-The woman’s son and Mob bond over their shared interest in video games!

-Mob also discovered their piano! His playing sounded pretty awful, but he’s trying his best!!

-We’re suddenly distracted from playing Mob when Reigen’s moodlet shoots through the roof. The cause of his excitement? 

-He saw a doggo

-he does have the dog lover trait after all, who can blame him

-Reigen is able to recover before nightfall, and he takes Mob home for the night, both of them having made a new friend.

-Reigen decides he’s gonna try and salvage this disaster of a holiday with the grandest thanksgiving meal Mob has ever had!

-He goes to work trying to prepare the turkey, despite having no cooking experience, and having completely and utterly destroyed every single meal he’s tried to cook so far.

-Surprisingly, Reigen manages to cook the turkey without burning it!! 

-The two of them decide to go and get themselves dressed while the turkey cools. 

-But of course, the sims gods refuse to leave this poor family in peace. 

-For when they return to their thanksgiving turkey they see-

-Disaster

-In perfect Christmas-Story fashion, Dimple decided to go and EAT THE ENTIRE TURKEY

-The chat panics

-That turkey was $75, more than an entire paycheck for Reigen

-We begin frantically deciding what objects of furniture in the house aren’t necessary. I mean, how badly do they need a toilet anyways?  

-An unexpected hero jumps in at the last moment to save the day: Reigen’s new job! Despite the fact that Reigen hasn’t even gone to work yet, they decided to give him a holiday bonus!

-Reigen is able to remake the entire meal with his bonus! Surprisingly, the family is able to spend the rest of their dinner in peace, with no weird or traumatic events to ruin their day. (Its like a thanksgiving miracle!) Mob talks to Reigen about his new friend, school, his favorite animal, video games, and other such things. 

-For a moment, it feels like Family

-Reigen, it seems, can’t seem to shake off what Mob said to him before the near-death experience at the lighthouse. He decides that there’s no better time than the present for him to tell Mob how he feels.  

-Despite all the trauma this family has had to endure, they both go to bed feeling happier and more loved than ever before

-All’s well that ends well I guess?

And as a Bonus:

The Fae | 5. Gasoline

POV: Simone

“So girls what happened? And why did you think that was appropriate behaviour?” Faragonda asked me and Tegan in her office.

“Mel wasn’t wearing orange lip gloss.”

“And she always wears orange lip gloss.”

"Fine Simone tell me what happened. All of it, leave out no details. Am I clear?”

“Of course headmistress…”

“A Ball I was about to go to an actual fucking ball. What happened to getting drunk with my friends in a car park on a Saturday night. When did life become a fucking fairy tale with actual fucking fairies, with their fucking ball gowns all I want is an outfit for a club, Dodger and some of my friends, a boom box, a couple of drinks and Tegan to distract that police chief uncle of hers and bam instant party.

Although all of that wasn’t what was going through my mind as I was getting ready for the ball. What was going through my mind was the string of texts Tegan sent me that had simply read:

I have a plan. Recures Nat. And Mel. Also, do you own a knife or gun? Left mine at the compound.

Yes, and I want more info.

Yes to knife or gun.

Yes

OK then. Simple, Emma’s girlfriend was with the witches so we plant the idea of no orange lip gloss on earth Or at least no one uses it and if Mel Appears without orange lip gloss We know it’s them and we can do something Hence the knife. And or Gun. But a Gun would draw more attention than A knife.

OK I’ll meet u in the hall, do you have a knife

I’m Nat’s goddaughter I always have a knife

I thought You would say Gun

Nat took it :(

You use emojis? Since When?

Nat. See you in 20 minutes.

OK, so I have 20 minutes to go from jeans to ball. Fuck.

Fairy Bitches Group Chat

Estelle: I NEED PHOTOS!!! HERE'S ME!!

Me: Red Queen Greatness

Maya: I put the fun in funeral

Emma: I'm Ready for Spacey to make me... laugh

Marketa: I'm just the fairy of shadows in a shadowy outfit.

Tegan: I HATE YOU ALL FOR THIS!!!!!!!!!!! I WILL GET MY REVENGE ON ALL BUT MONI!

So no shower but I can get into the red dress I’d found in Magix and do some sort of makeup to blend in enough to pull of Tegan’s plan and of course Estelle’s stupid high heels. But I still managed to make it to the bottom of the stairwell to meet up with Tegan, who’d somehow managed to be put in a white dress with gold sequins.

“How?”

“Please no questions I don’t know how it happened either but it did and I am traumatized by the experience and don’t want to relive it. Just check the group chat after your last message. Kapesh?” She sassed back to me while looking as though she was actually traumatized.

“Kapesh. So, how’d you figure the thing with the girlfriend out?”

“Emma’s lock screen and her wall of photos. Simple really and she was on a call so I recognized the voice.”

“Mind Palace?”

“I’m not Sherlock, Watson.”

“You sure?”

‘Let’s just get in there and try to do something normal instead of hanging out in the corridors otherwise people might think we’re actually Sherlock and Watson.”

“Fine.”

Once we got into the main hall we were both overwhelmed by everything but soon enough one of our professors Emily came over to talk to us and introduce us to people we should know.

“Hello, Girls. Do you need some company?” she’d said

“Company is always welcome when we know no one in this dimension that isn’t all loved up dancing,” Tegan had responded.

“Except we have to do something quickly, remember,” I had said elbowing Tegan in the ribs.

“Right. If you see Mel it isn’t her it’s a first-year with trying toat Cloud Tower trying to distract us from her friends sabotaging the gifts, we just have to do a trick Nat taught us on earth. Very useful for spies and teenagers and apparently fairies. It should prove our hypothesis,” Tegan told her.

“Have fun and I’ll play along, Nat and my brother taught me a few tricks when I was little. Now go do what you have to do but please come back I have to talk to my brother and his family and that doesn’t do with my knowledge of the past,” Emily said while looking at her brother with a long face.

“Hey, over here LOSERS!” Maya yelled at us from a group of sofas and boys in her beautiful black and red dress.

“I can’t believe that you called us losers when you yourself are my friend so, doesn’t that make you a loser by association?” Tegan retorted as we walked over to them.

“Fuck you and your smarts. These are some of the boys from Red Fountain and Spacey, Emma’s girlfriend who goes to Cloud Tower. This is Will, Brenten, Ben, and Nathan. You’ve already met Lachie and that in the corner is Thomas in amongst Estelle.

“So I hear your from earth, any tips incase we ever visit,” Spacey stated, most likely asking for her friends.

“Never wear orange lip gloss. The colour, not scent. No one on earth would ever be caught wearing it if they’re in their right minds,” Tegan said which raised Maya’s eyebrows at me.

“What’s earth like?” One of the boys asked.

“A fucking mess. I believe a talking red lobster said it best when he stated ‘the human world, it’s a mess’,” I stated gaining a laugh from Tegan and Maya and some very confused reactions from the others.

“A what sang what?” the same boy asked in shock.

“Let me explain,” Tegan said as she started explaining the plot of the little mermaid.

After about an hour me and Tegan both mentally decided it was time to move on as Mel had entered the room and was starting to circulate but Will was still caught up on the little mermaid.

“So let me get this right a mermaid is friends with a fish and lobster who sing and she falls in love with a man from the land and trades her voice for legs so she can impress him but then her aunt whose a sea witch seduces her man and then tries to kill them but doesn’t succeed?” he asked

“You got it maybe next time I’ll show you it and the two other movies associated with it,” Tegan stated at this point obviously annoyed

“There are more of them?”

“Can we go now, Tegan?”

“Sure Simone I guess you want to talk o Mel?” Tegan said hoping to get an out for us.

“More like murder but talk works too.”

“Have fun,” Maya yelled at us as we walked away going back to her conversation with Lachie.

“Why is Mel here?” Emily said coming up to both of us with a man following her looking like a lost puppy.

“Like we said earlier not her. Do you know where the gifts are? I’m sure they’ll have started doing whatever they’re going to do,” Tegan said sparking the interest of the man.

“I’ll take you to them. I helped bring them in,” The man said looking at Emily.

“Good call Sky. I’ll distract Mel and Diaspro. I’ll also send Aislin your way to help if needed, she actually knows how to use her magic so could be useful,” Emily told this Sky.

“Cool, it’s this way,” Sky said as he began to lead us towards the presumed danger.

As we stalked quietly along the hallway towards the light up cupboard in the hallway where we could hear arguing between two familiar voices.

“The gifts should be in there,” Sky said pulling out a sword from its scabbard. Wait how did I know it was called a scabbard? It’s official I’ve spent to much time with Tegan.

“OK, Sky, me and Simone have guns and knives on us if we go in we can stop them and maybe summon some magic, you stay out here and stop anyone who tries to go in.”

“Hi, I’m Aislin, I’m here to help. I know magic apparently, that’s something you too struggle with,” A blonde girl said sneaking up behind us.

“Stay out here and use your magic through the door, even magic can’t top a bullet to the heart,” I said keeping Tegan’s plan in mind.

“Or all three of us go in, Sky stays out here incase the others come out here to help and we take them down together.”

“Look we’re losing time I don’t care whose plan we use we just need to use it,” Tegan said moving toward the door.

“Aislin we’re using her plan you can’t go in there, I have to protect you,” Sky told the younger blonde.

“OK, but shouldn’t we go join her.”

With that, we all took the final few steps toward the door as Tegan opened it to reveal two witches messing with the pins meant as gifts for us. As she pulled her gun out to hopefully just intimidate the witches I saw a flash of bright light from the corner of my eyes and then Aislin was back where the light had been though now in a short sparkly blue dress. We then positioned ourselves in the doorway ready for a fight.

“Hasn’t anyone ever told you that crashing a party was rude?” Tegan questioned her British accent very clear as we stepped forward in unison.

“Hasn’t anyone ever told you not to speak unless spoken to?” One of them fired back.

“Yes but I tend to listen to others but now you need to get your paws off those broaches their not yours. And I would hate to have to threaten or shoot you.”

“Maybe we should teach them a lesson in manners, Lacey,” One of the girls said to the other.

“Oh absolutely Gracie,” The other one said.

Now, this is the point where I’m not completely sure about what went on, as based on the last thing I remember I was not awake and potentially not breathing but I do know what Emily shared of Tegan’s memories.

I was hit by a blast of some kind that knocked me out. I’m not sure what it is because of the aforementioned blackout but I do know Tegan’s theories that it was an intensified sunray or some sort of light beam. From that point, Aislin took my place and started fighting in my place but she used the basic magic she knew to fight off the shadow creatures and light from the two witches. While Tegan and Sky started fighting with her knives and his sword back to back.

The events apparently went as follows:

“Aislin try to freeze something, me and Tegan can handle the creatures just stop them!” - Sky.

Aislin then proceeds to attempt to freeze the witches.

It doesn’t work.

She then also gets knocked out.

Sky and Tegan try their best to fight off both the witches and the monsters.

Sky said something about Tegan trying a spell on the witches.

Her doing said spell.

Sky getting knocked out.

The witches yelling something about one of Tegan’s friends.

She gets hyper-emotional there is then a bright flash of light.

She appeared out of the light in a matching pink crop top and short skirt and boots with pale blue leggings and gloves, pink wings and hair.

She then kind of just exploded.

Well, actually light exploded from her causing the witches to run and be thrown against the wall causing witch shaped dents.

Her to then crumple returning to her normal self except for the fact the pink had tinted her hair a little.

The witches to be banished with one last boom of energy from her.

Her to collapse just as we woke up.

Aislin then reversed the spell on the broaches.

It was a messy day all in all but a decent party…”

“Is that all that you know?”

“Yes of course.”

“Very well you two can go now. You have classes to get to.”

Lake Brightfall

Okay so this is an odd little fanfic I did as a request on Ao3 but I like it enough to give it a 50 Shades treatment and turn it into it’s own thing. Or...tried to, anyway. Mainly posting this for @aelia-likes-monsters because she deserves more kelpies in her life. (Don’t we all?) Maybe I’ll do more of these, idk.

Characters: M/M, Human x Kelpie

Tags: Light gore, maybe? There’s a severed hand involved but it’s not graphic. Also: puns. Bad ones.

Word count: 4,857

This was it. This was the place where it happened, Marcus was sure of it. Lake Brightfall was exactly how he remembered, from the jagged outline of the rocky shore to the way the gentle wind fanned his face and tousled his hair. He'd run along this exact pier in his nightmares so many times that he felt like he could count the planks from memory. The murky water below was crowded in blooming lily pads, unnervingly similar to the last time Marcus stood here, back when he was still a naive child. That was the last day he had both of his hands.

Marcus didn't remember much about that day. The traumatic experience had since been mostly repressed by his adolescent mind, and not even rigorous therapy could piece together exactly what lead to the loss of his left hand. All he knew was that one moment he was completely fine, just a normal kid who was excited to go to the lake near his home to show off his rock-skipping skills to his baby brother, and the next, he was waking up in the hospital as an amputee.

Nobody else saw what happened. Marcus' father looked away for only a few minutes, heard a blood curdling scream, and then found his eldest son struggling to swim back to shore in red-stained water. Three-year-old Noah was the only witness to the attack, but he was too young to understand what was going on, let alone describe what he'd seen. All they could get out of the confused toddler was the word 'horse.'

Clearly a horse wasn't responsible for that kind of carnage, though. The cut had been incredibly clean, as if by a razor sharp knife, prompting a huge investigation in their small town which shook it to its core. The very idea that there was a sicko capable of mutilating a child in broad daylight had the entire community fearful even to this day, as the culprit had never been caught.

It took a whole decade and a half for Marcus to finally summon the courage to visit this place again. He didn't remember the incident, but there was something about the sight of this lake that made his stomach churn and trigger a panic attack, so he spent the better part of his life avoiding it like the plague. Marcus knew he couldn't run forever, though. The older he got, the more nightmares about that pier he had, and the more he burned to know who – or what – that blurry figure reaching out for him from the bloody water really was.

Or maybe it was nothing. His brain could be trying to fill in the gaps with whatever scenario made the most sense in a senseless situation. He wouldn't be surprised if what little he did remember weren't memories at all, just figments of his imagination gone wild over the years, though he could swear those dreams felt so real...the water was so cold...

Unable to stand not knowing if he could trust his own head or not, Marcus finally decided that enough was enough. He was going to get to the bottom of this once and for all! Maybe if he could recover some real memories, his nightmares would stop. Maybe he could even provide valuable clues that would help catch the fiend who was responsible! Or, at the very least, he could conquer his fear of Lake Brightfall and visit his childhood home again without having to take a double dose of anxiety meds first.

It took several attempts, but eventually, Marcus managed to step onto the very pier that was the symbol of his mental torment and follow it all the way to its end. He came alone, which was probably not a wise idea, but this was an incredibly personal journey for him and he needed to be able to take his time. Nothing could distract him from what he was here to do! It was time to end this chapter of his life and finally-

“Greetings!”

Marcus jolted upright from his meditation by a cheerful voice coming from directly in front of him. What the...how did that voice come from in front of him if he was at the edge of the pier?

“Hay, down here!”

The young man brushed some ginger hair out of his face and looked down at the water to see, to his surprise, a face looking back at him. It was a guy floating on the surface around his age, maybe a year or two older, with eyes as deeply blue as the dark water he'd emerged from and bits of reeds stuck in his long dark ponytail. The hair stuck to his bare shoulders like running ink against tanned skin, and the stranger's friendly smile was toothy and oddly sharp. Marcus was too startled by this person's sudden appearance to do more than stutter out a very confused reply. “U-uh...hello?”

The stranger tilted his head curiously. “You look familiar. Have we met?”

Marcus was pretty sure he would have remembered meeting someone like this before. His narrow face looked almost like it'd been chiseled from stone, like a statue one would find in a museum. There weren't a lot of people as striking as him in this small town. “I don't think so, sorry.”

“Hmmm...no, I definitely know you from somewhere,” the stranger pressed, pursing his lips and rubbing his chin as he looked Marcus up and down.

“Did you go to Brightfall High?”

“Neigh,” the stranger shook his head with a light laugh, like the idea was ridiculous to him. “Have you been to this lake before?”

“Not since I was very young.”

“Huh,” the other shrugged, causing ripples to dart away from his toned shoulders. “Oh well.” What Marcus wanted to know was why the heck this person was swimming at this time of year! It was too early in the spring for a dip in the lake to be any kind of refreshing, yet he didn't seem bothered by the frigid temperature. It gave Marcus goosebumps just looking at him. “What are you doing?”

Nosy, wasn't he? “I was trying to meditate. What are you doing?”

“Greeting you,” the stranger answered, that sharp smile easily slipping back on his face as he folded his arms on the pier right in front of Marcus's crossed legs. Marcus nervously scooted back a few inches with his good hand, keeping his prosthetic one concealed in his jacket's pocket. He wasn't ashamed of his disability, of course, but he was well aware of how easily it drew the eye and would rather not have to answer any questions about it right now. “Greetings!”

“...Yes, um, hello.” From the way the stranger was making himself comfortable, it looked like he planned to stay and chat awhile. Marcus usually tried to stay a lot more approachable in normal circumstances, but this was a time and place where he'd much rather be alone. “Did you need anything?”

“No. Why?”

“I'm sorry, but I'm a little busy right now.”

“With what?”

“Meditating,” Marcus said pointedly, hoping he would get the hint. Unfortunately, the stranger's interest didn't seem to wane at all, looking at him like he expected more explanation. “...Which requires peace and few disturbances.”

“Ah.” Finally, he got the hint. “Okay, I'll leave you to it. It was good to meet you!”

He enthusiastically raised his hand towards Marcus, who eyed it warily. It was the right hand, prompting Marcus to offer his left. Except he didn't have one. It would be rude to refuse the handshake, though, and he wasn't sure how to talk his way out of it, so Marcus had no choice but to take the prosthetic out of his pocket, praying that the other wouldn't ask.

Marcus had no such luck, though. The stranger's eyes widened at the sight of the plastic appendage and was quick to grab at it. He completely missed the hand, though, and latched onto Marcus's wrist with his clammy fingers, lifting the sleeve of his jacket to gape at where skin met plastic. The nerve! “Wha – hey, stop that! It's rude to just grab someone's – wait, what are you – stop!”

The velcro strap around Marcus's wrist was yanked off and his prosthetic hand slipped from his arm and bounced off the pier, landing in the water with a plop. Marcus was horrified to watch it disappear below the surface, and then quickly shifted to outrage. He was about to yell at the stranger for his rudeness and pry him off, but the man with a vice-like grip on his arm and an utterly ecstatic look on his face suddenly lifted higher out of the water, leaning in uncomfortably close to Marcus' face.

“It's you! Marcus! I knew I recognized you!” he laughed. “And your brother, Noah, I remember him, too! You both used to play here when you were little!” Marcus was dumbfounded. Apparently he did know this guy from somehow, but he was less concerned about that and more about the invasion of his personal space. “It's me, Horace! Don't you remember me?”

Marcus wanted to be properly angry at the loss of his property, but those thoughts left him right as the air was suddenly robbed from his lungs at the sound of that name. It triggered something deep in his mind, like a faraway ringing bell in the dead of night.

Horace.

Horace...

Horse.

A feeling of intense dread overcame Marcus just then. The hairs on his arms raised with goosebumps as flashes of memory exploded in his head, glimpses of sensations and sounds straight out of his nightmares. Something round and smooth, a splash, a scream, a voice, the color blue, bright red, cold, pain, pain, paIN, PAIN-

“Marcus?” The man, Horace, tugged on his arm when Marcus's breath started coming quick and shallow. His smile gave way to too-innocent concern. “Are you alright?”

No. No, Marcus was not alright.

“Stay back!” he demanded and yanked himself away from the man, struggling to get to his feet on shaky legs. The blinding fear gripping his chest was indescribable, so much more consuming than it ever had been before, and he desperately staved off hyperventilating until he could flee as far from this place as possible. “G-get away from me!”

“Wait! Why are you running? What's wrong?” Horace called after him, swimming along the side of the pier to give chase. The way he swiftly glided through the water, parting the lily pads in his wake, was noticeably unnatural.

Marcus didn't say anything else to the stranger named Horace. He sprinted across the pier to the beach, half convinced that this was all just another one of his reoccurring nightmares, ran all the way up the hill to the parking lot, and scrambled into his car the moment he reached it. Horace didn't leave the water to follow, thank goodness, so Marcus locked himself in to collapse in his seat and cradle his throbbing phantom limb as he gasped for air.

He didn't know what just happened, but he knew two things for sure: Horace had something to do with why his hand was gone, and he was never coming back to Lake Brightfall ever again.

Marcus went back to Lake Brightfall a few days later.

It turns out there was only one thing that scared him more than crippling childhood trauma: the price of a new prosthetic. They weren't cheap! Marcus was already paying off enough loans from college and he'd like to be debt-free sometime this century. That being said, it's not like returning to the lake was an easy feat. Noah had to drive him there or Marcus would keep 'accidentally' missing the turn-off, which spoke leagues to how much Marcus didn't want to do this, seeing how he usually refused to let his little brother drive him anywhere while he still only had a permit.

Marcus spent the entire time trying to convince himself that everything would be fine. He wasn't alone this time and that man probably wouldn't be there so early in the morning. The bright colors of dawn were a minor distraction from the nerves that were making his foot tap like a jackhammer and pale fingers pry at the hem of his jacket.

He didn't tell Noah about Horace yet. For some reason he could hardly even think about the man without triggering another awful episode, so he opted to deal with that in therapy later and first focus on getting his hand back. His nightmares had been getting worse ever since that surreal encounter and he was starting to think that maybe he shouldn't have tried uncovering his missing memories at all. Perhaps his brain had a good reason to repress them.

“Alright, we're here,” Noah said as he parked the car on the hill overlooking the lake, his voice softer than usual. For once he was actually being considerate towards his brother on this touchy subject and refrained from ragging on him for his irrational fear. Marcus really must have been a mess. The lake stretched out wide in front of the elder brother's eyes, like a giant looking down on an ant, and he took a deep steadying breath and readied himself to leave the car.

The air was chilly and strangely still as they walked along the path towards the pier. It was so unassuming this way, surrounded by lily pads and reflecting the colorful sky on its calm surface. If Marcus weren't so terrified of this place, then he would have thought it was a scene worthy of a calendar. He stopped in his tracks as the two approached the wooden posts that anchored the old pier to the shore, but Noah kept going, turning around to throw him a raised eyebrow.

“Hurry up. You didn't drag me out of bed at 6:30am on a Saturday just to stand there, did you?”

Marcus shook his head and swallowed the lump in his throat. Carefully, he stepped onto the pier and watched the water around him for any sign of movement. He couldn't properly explain it, but there was an invisible itch in the back of his head, like the sixth sense of being watched...

“Okay, so where did you drop it?” Noah asked, eyes narrowed at the water, searching for any sign of the plastic hand through the gloom He wasn't looking anywhere near the right place, though.

“Over there,” Marcus answered, pointing to the very end of the dock where the water was significantly deeper, and Noah followed his finger with a groan.

“Are you serious? You dropped it all the way out there?! Shit, I thought it was just going to be in the shallows or something!”

Marcus's throat was too tight to chastise his brother for his for his foul language. “This is why we brought the fishing line...”

“Yeah, but it's gonna be ten times harder to hook it when we can't even see it that far down! Ugh, hold on, I'm gonna see if I can find a big ass stick or something. Maybe if we poke around first we'll find it.”

Noah walked back to shore and Marcus begrudgingly stayed put. He stood in the middle of the path and tried to do some of his meditation exercises while he waited, calming himself as best he could as he stood alone in the one place in the world he would rather not be. The silence was unnerving. It was so quiet that he could hear his own heart beating, which is why when he heard the soft sloshing of water behind him, he nearly jumped out of his skin.

“Marcus!”

Marcus's thumping heart jumped to his throat as he whirled around to find, to his shock, the same sharp-toothed smile from before climbing out of the water and onto the pier. Why the heck was he still here?! Marcus unwillingly got a much better look at him now, and he discovered that Horace was well over six feet tall as he stood up at his full height, built with a strong swimmer's physique, and bits of uprooted lily pad clung to his shamelessly bare body. What had Marcus letting out a terrified scream, though, was how the man's legs were bent in all the wrong places, ending in a set of hooves.

Hooves.

Oh god, this couldn't be happening! There was no way this was real! It was just a nightmare, Marcus told himself, and he willed himself to wake up with every fiber of his being. He didn't, though, and he jumped when Horace stepped forward, clacking loudly on the wooden deck.

“Don't be scared, it's only me! I'm so glad you came back! I have something for you.”

Horace was holding something out to him in his hands, but Marcus was too busy running in the opposite direction to see what it was. It didn't take him long to reach the end of the pier, though, leaving him trapped between the deceptively calm water and the approaching creature. “No – no, don't come any closer!” Marcus pleaded with short breath. Every ascending clip-clop sent an arrow of panic through his chest, but Horace completely ignored his distress with a perturbing smile.

“But I need to give this back to you! I've been keeping it safe for so long.” Horace motioned to the thing he was holding. “Don't you want it back?”

He was close enough now that Marcus could better see what he was carrying, but Marcus was too freaked out to know what he was looking at. Was that his prosthetic? No...Marcus's prosthetic was much larger than that. This one was small, more like...

...Like a child's hand.

“I always expected you to come back for it, but you never did. Do you know how hard it was for me to get it back? Not to mention how tough it was to keep it in such good condition!” He turned it around, proudly showing the pristine dismembered limb off, not a trace of rot or blood, and Marcus' stomach churned. That was...that was really his hand?! “Lucky for you, my magic is exceptionally strong!” That was Marcus' real long lost hand. “Here, let me put it back on for you! ...Marcus?”

The world was spinning as Marcus's mind reeled at the gruesome sight. A flood of sensations filled his head, making his lungs burn with the need for air he couldn't seem to find. Or maybe that burning was coming from the swirling memories he was reliving, the desperate gasping, the pressure of cold water, the sounds of splashing and screaming, his own screaming, blinding terror, sharp teeth, pain, fading light...

Marcus didn't know he was falling until the chill of water consumed him. Even then, he could barely feel it as his overwhelmed consciousnesses slipped away, and the last thing he was aware of before he fainted was a familiar shadowy figure silhouetted against the surface reaching for him...

For once, Marcus didn't dream. He was drawn from a void of empty darkness by the sound of voices talking far away...wait, no, they were actually nearby, and they were both familiar. One was far more familiar than the other, and it didn't take long to recognize the sarcastic tone as Noah. It took longer to figure out what they were saying.

“...othing? Not even me?”

“Nope.”

“Ah...that explains a lot, actually. I'm not surprised that you don't remember, since you were so young at the time, but I thought for sure Marcus would! No wonder he ran away.”

“That, and you're a naked freak with horse legs.”

“I told you, I'm a kelpie.”

Marcus felt damp and heavy, like his body was made of lead, and it took considerable effort just to open his eyes. When he did, he saw the roof of his own car above him, and he discovered he was in the passenger seat reclining back as far as it would go. The fan of his car's heater droned in the background as he looked around and found his brother sitting beside him in the driver's seat, turned around towards the one he was talking to, who must have been sitting in the backseat. Marcus coughed, his throat feeling like sandpaper, and the sound made the other two stop talking. Noah bent over and tapped on his cheek.

“Fucking finally! Hey, you soggy idiot, are you okay?”

“Uh...I don't...know,” Marcus answered blearily. “What's going on?”

“You fainted,” came the quick reply from the other familiar voice behind him, and when Marcus turned his head, he found that Horace was the one in the backseat behind the driver's side, voice dripping with worry and blue eyes full of guilt. “It's all my fault, I'm so sorry, Marcus! I didn't mean to scare you, I just didn't know that you don't remember the day we met.”

“Huh...?”

“Slow down, Seabiscuit. He's still coming to.”

It took a minute for Marcus to remember what happened right before he fainted. When he did, a sudden rush of adrenaline had him shooting upright in fresh panic. “N-Noah, what on earth is he doing here?!”

“Woah, easy!” Noah grabbed his shoulders when Marcus swayed, a bought of dizziness hitting him from having gotten up way too fast. “Calm down, everything is fine! Horace is the one who dragged your ass out of the lake!”

“He's the one who cut off my hand!!” Marcus cried, pointing an accusing finger at the person – the thing sitting in his backseat with his jacket laying tastefully over its hairy lap. It took a second to realize why everyone had gone still and was staring at him so weirdly. The finger he was using, it was...

It was on his left.

Marcus sucked in a shuddering breath as he drew it back and gingerly inspected his left hand. This wasn't...it was...this had to be a mistake. He was dreaming again, there was no way this was real! But no, the more he flexed his fingers, felt the warmth of his skin, and traced the lines of his palm, the more he couldn't deny how incredibly real it felt.

“Marcus,” Noah said his name carefully, patting his bewildered brother's arm. “Listen to me, Marcus, breathe. In and out. It's okay, you're okay, and yes, this is real. That's actually your hand, apparently.”

Marcus had no words. He didn't know what to say, or even what to think! There were no scars, no marks, it's as if he'd never lost it in the first place. But that's impossible, people don't just grow back their limbs! Especially after more then a decade! Oh god, Marcus was going to faint again.

“Would you allow me to explain?” Horace asked quietly. He was fidgeting where he sat, hooves tapping against each other on the floor and lips drawn into a thin nervous line. “I swear to you, it was all a terrible accident!”

Marcus didn't think he had a choice. After all these years, after everything that happened, all of those nightmares, the episodes, and now this, he was going to go clinically insane if he didn't get some answers right flipping now. He wordlessly nodded, and Horace started from the beginning.

“We met on the day you lost your hand. I saw you on the dock with your brother, and you were trying to show him how to skip stones. I thought it was magic! I really wanted to learn how to do it, too, so I approached you, and you agreed to teach me.”

...

Something round and smooth

...

“You didn't seem to care about what I am. I mean, you were obviously curious and you asked a lot of questions, but you didn't run away or call me a monster.” A smile returned to Horace' face, barely a twitch in the corner of his lips, but it was clear by the warm look on his face that that this memory meant more to him than he was letting on. “You let me play with you and your brother. We were competing to see who could skip stones the furthest, and I picked up the skill pretty fast. You were trying to beat my record when...”

…

A splash

…

“Your rock accidentally hit another kelpie in the lake. Ah, um, that's what I am, by the way,” Horace informed, gesturing to his legs. “The other kelpie was older than me, and he was much bigger, and stronger, too. And angry. He grabbed you by the hand and tried to drown you.”

…

A scream

Blinding terror

Fading light

…

“I tried to get him to let you go, but it was no use! Once a kelpie has you, it's impossible to get away.”

…

A voice

The color blue

'Don't worry, Marcus, I'll save you!'

…

“There's only one thing I could do: I had to take off your hand before you reached the bottom of the lake, or you would be lost forever.”

…

Bright red

Cold

Pain.

…

“...So you...you did it to save me,” Marcus whispered as the pieces finally began to fit together. He still didn't remember all of it, and there was no way to know for sure if what Horace was saying was the truth, but for the first time, everything was beginning to make some sense. A strange sense of calm was settling over him now, like a peace he hadn't known in a very long time.

Horace nodded, beaming at Marcus proudly. “Exactly! I was so scared when the humans took you away. I never knew for sure if you lived, but I never gave up hope, and here you are! I'm so glad you came back, I've been waiting all this time to return your hand back to you!”

The kelpie reached out and touched Marcus' left hand, cupping it in his own, and gave it a small squeeze. Marcus just stared, still trying to digest all of this. It was unbelievable. The hand Horace was holding out to him at the lake had been child sized, but it seemed to have grown to match the right one after Horace...uh...re-attached it? He had no idea how that worked, but this was a mythical creature he was talking to, so anything seemed possible at this point. Magic? He decided not to let himself go down that existential rabbit hole for now and just focus on how entirely grateful he was for this gift, and he looked up at Horace with tears in his eyes.

“Thank you,” was all he could manage to get past the lump in his throat. “Thank you so much, Horace, a-and I'm so sorry I was so scared, I didn't realize...!”

“Don't be,” Horace shook his head with a light laugh. “Admittedly, I was being a bit of an ass.”

His long black tail that matched his hair flicked cheekily at the pun, and it brought a smile to Marcus's lips. There was no way to describe the amount of relief he was feeling, the years and years of uncertainty releasing from him in an instant. All thanks to Horace, who had saved his life twice now. Marcus didn't have the foggiest clue of how he could repay him.

“Uh, so, not to ruin the moment, but...” Noah cleared his throat, which reminded them that Horace was still holding his hand, and he awkwardly let go. “What the piss fucking christ are we going to tell Dad?”

Oh. Right. “Language, Noah. And I'm not sure. This isn't very easily explained, is it?”

“That's the understatement of the century. 'Hey Dad, Marcus got his hand back! A magical horse man who lives in the lake gave it back to him!' He'd probably think Horace is a demon or some shit and try to exorcise him.”

That was sadly an accurate prediction of what their incredibly religious father's reaction would be. He was a priest, after all, and something told Marcus he wouldn't take well to Horace's magical existence. “Perhaps we should tell him it was an angel?” Marcus suggested half-jokingly. Horace's shoulders tensed, his eyes suddenly going wide and cheeks flushing, clearly flustered by the sudden compliment. “I would say it's not entirely inaccurate.”

“O-oh, um...oh my.” The kelpie in the backseat rubbed the back of his neck and looked away bashfully. Marcus smirked. To think he'd been afraid of this guy only minutes ago, and now he was starting to think he was kind of cute like this.

“Oh god,” his little brother rolled his eyes and turned away. “I know he's your knight in literally no armor, but try to keep it in your pants, Marcus.”

“Noah!”

ummmm like comment and subscribe?? idfk thanks for reading though

Could it Happen to You?

Someone recently asked me if after the first time I was assaulted I thought it would never happen again. “Of course” I said “I thought if I get it over with it’ll never happen again”. Obviously I was wrong because it happened numerous times after that with multiple people. We never think something will happen to us until it does. April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM) which is an annual campaign to raise public awareness about sexual assault and educate communities and individuals on how to prevent sexual violence. The first time I was assaulted, I was 18 and it was my second month at a community college. I had a boyfriend but decided to let my (male) math partner drive me closer to campus. He did offer so it would be rude to say no. Little did I know, I would cry a little inside each and every time I was on Nichols road. He locked me in his car and although I said no numerous times, he didn’t seem to be getting the hint. “I should’ve yelled, I should’ve screamed I should’ve been more forceful, it’s my fault” I thought for the longest time. And then it happened… again. Just when I thought I put my worst moments behind me someone I deeply loved victimized me in ways I’d never imagine. He put a pillow over my face so his mom wouldn’t hear me screaming; he knew he was hurting me but continued anyway. Afterwards, my stone, cold body was shriveled up in pain as he whispered “I love you” in my ear. We never talked about it but to this day, I remember crying on the shower floor later that night for 48 minutes. “I should’ve just dumped him, I’m over exaggerating, he’s my boyfriend” These thoughts still haunt me to this day. Just when I was starting to heal it happened again with someone who was very well known in my community. I wanted to learn self-defense because I figured learning how to protect myself would stop anyone from taking advantage of me. Or so I thought… He wouldn’t get off of me. I told him no as he pinned my head to the seat. “I’m not allowed to say no” he told me “lighten up, we’re just having fun” I never heard from him again after that night. Why did I just sit there? Why do I always do this? Why do I always shut down in times I should be fighting not freezing?! Was it something about me that made him never call me again? Was I not pretty enough, good enough or skinny enough? Maybe he wouldn’t have done it then? These questions ran through my mind plaguing me for a matter of months. Thing is, it’s really easy to blame the victim when this happens. Why didn’t you just do this or say that? People often assume they must’ve asked for it and should’ve known better. “Boys will be boys” my mom told me. Why did you get in the car with a stranger? my sister asked me. Guilt and shame flooded my veins but it was all my fault. I was stupid, naïve and gullible to think anyone of the opposite sex would ever treat me with respect. I felt like a piece of meat each time I left my house; fearful of being hunted because of the way I was born. I swore off men, telling myself all they want is what they can take between your legs. I trust not all guys are like this and believe for the most part, people are good, albeit misguided at times. I sincerely believe we are all doing the best we can with the knowledge we have at the time and that’s what I have to keep reminding myself. Sure, maybe I could’ve kicked and screamed and pinched and pulled, aiming to get my attacker off me. However, for the most part, I was the prey and they were the predator . They were bigger and stronger and I felt helpless even defenseless, most of the time. For me, the worst part about being assaulted wasn’t the actual assault itself, it was the aftermath. Feeling dirty, disgusting, worthless and used, lasted much longer than the actual assault itself. The way my previous traumas have impacted my current relationships is something I continually work on. To this day, even if I’m not being sexually violated or physically attacked, I still freeze. My brain goes into overdrive and my whole body becomes stoic. My lips feel sewn shut while my head is in 1000 different places. This is often difficult for people to understand when they’re trying to communicate & I’m not responding. It’s not me being “immature” or “spiteful” or purposely ignoring them, it’s literally my body going into panic mode and disassociating as I’d done in the past when my life was threatened. This is the amygdala’s (part in the brain) way of protecting the person against a perceived or actual threat. It is an automatic defense mechanism and for people like me with c-ptsd, often gets in the way of effectively communicating in stressful situations. As far as my perpetrators go, I’ve forgiven most of them. There is one however, I must actively work on forgiving almost every day. I think most people believe the “worst” or most traumatic kind of rape is when a man jumps out of a dark alley, forcing himself on a stranger. Any form of sexual violence is horrendous however, from my personal experience, the most damaging was with someone I deeply loved and trusted. It’s a form of betrayal you may never get over. This leads to further trust issues in a potential relationship that may actually be healthy. Sadly, the majority of sexual assaults occur between people you know; whether that’s a neighbor, family friend, romantic interest or spouse. Unfortunately, it’s not so much the people you don’t know who you have to beware of, but the people who know your deepest secrets. So it is April once more, a year since that last incident happened. I am still in the works of healing and most importantly, forgiving myself. We forget sometimes that it’s not the people who have wronged us we need to forgive most, but rather, ourselves. This April, I hold more compassion for myself than a year ago. I no longer feel like a victim. I am a proud survivor, and so are you.

1st Blog post R,C,&G

                                                   Christina 

Female

Straight

Caucasian

German

Daughter of a Policeman 

Sister/Twin

Catholic

I felt proud to be a member of a group of people who are twins. I think it is really special to be able to have a twin, no matter how similar or different you are. You always have a built in friend no matter where you go. You will always get called the other ones name, even if you don’t look alike. There is also a thing with twins called twin telepathy which people aren’t sure is real. Well, I can tell you it is a very real thing. When I played softball, my sister and I could give each other a look and know what to do in the next situation. We also have put down the same exact answers on a test where the words could have been switched up. Often times we are thinking the same thing and say it at the same time. Having a twin is definitely different than having a regular sister. The bond you have with your twin is like no other bond you will ever experience.  

I think it was painful to be apart of the catholic community when all of the allegations against priests about them having sexual contact with kids came out. It really made me wonder how they could possibly do that when it is so against our religion and also against everyone on the planets morals. Adults doing “things” with kids is beyond disgusting and those children will be scared for the rest of their lives and it is sickening to me that it happened. It was even more sickening that people were paid to cover it up.

I have experienced privilege being a female because people automatically assume that women are only good for cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and taking care of babies. However, I feel based on my personal experience, that it has helped me because I know how to do all of those things. My dad can’t cook, clean, or do laundry because when he was growing up his mom always did it for him. In my opinion, I think it was a disadvantage because if something was to happen to my mother or I, he would be screwed due to not knowing how to do those things. My sister also don’t know how to do laundry or cleaning the correct way (meaning not half assed) or knows how to cook and that is a major disadvantage in her life. She has said that many times also. Therefore, I feel privileged to be able to be in the group of people who can do the things necessary to live and survive, also by knowing how to do things “only a man can do” is a major benefit as a female.

I have experienced oppression due to being a white cops daughter. I know that sounds like there is no way that is possible but it is. People think that I won’t keep a secret or I’ll tell my dad about some party that is being thrown, when in reality I really don’t care what is going on. Also, people always tell me “Cops are assholes” and some definitely are, there is no doubt in my mind of that. However, not all of them are. People always come at me with the whole “Cops don’t know what goes on in some people’s lives”. I understand that, however, people don’t know what goes on in a cop's life. They see things you couldn’t even imagine. They see kids who have been raped, the bloody mangled bodies after a traffic collision, bruised and battered victims of domestic violence, homicide victims, suicide victims and so many terrible things. They see most things that others can’t even imagine seeing. There are many cops who have post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) because of what the job entails. There are a lot of police suicides when they retire because of the PTSD. There were many days when my dad went to a call and saw something happened to a little kid and would rush home right after that was taken care of to check on us and he would cry just thinking about that it could have been his own. People never understood that when they would get in trouble with my dad when they legitimately did something wrong so I got yelled at by them because my dad stopped them.Cop’s have a target on their back, whether you think they do or not, they do. I know so many people will disagree with me but the other side needs to be heard. Everyone hates cops when they are just doing their job, or there are the handful of cops who are not doing what they are supposed to do, so automatically everyone who is a police officer is grouped in with those cops who do the wrong thing and that isn’t fair. There are great cops out there and for those who don’t think that, I’m sorry you feel that way but there are good ones out there. Cops have to worry if they are going to come home to their families at night, if a basic traffic stop will turn deadly like officer Brian Shaw’s was. Then comes along what a cop’s family goes through, you have no idea. Being a police officers kid has and never will be easy but it’s time that someone tires to understand them. They miss a lot of events in their family. They miss holidays, miss birthdays, anniversaries, sports games/practices and other special events in life to serve and protect the people of the community. So I definitely had a lot of times where people asked where my dad was but he was always working because he loved his job, so I definitely got a lot of crap for it. A lot of people come up to me and say “oh you are that cops kid” and they say a bunch of rude stuff to me so it is definitely been an oppression.