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lesbianlotties · 5 months

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heartbreaking news. the character you hate the most is doing the worst things imaginable but the actor playing him is giving a great performance </3

#oliver jackson cohen owes me financial compensation for making me admire some peter quint scenes #i hate him but we gotta admit the dialogue went so hard when he said 'think of the one thing the only thing that would keep me from you'#and it was DEATH #oh and when he was telling miles about being the richest person in the world... again. acting #i swear i won't make another post about him so i'll put everything in the tags #i'm sorry but one of the hardest lines in the whole flanaverse is when he's like 'you killed me mom i hope you know that late at night that #you killed your own son'#and she's like 'honey i don't even know that you're dead' HELLOO????? DAMN????#one more before i shut up #idk why it hits so hard but rebecca literally saying 'when the water came into my lungs you just left' is SO GOOD. that sounds like a song #lyrics or something #okay i'm done #well no. when rebecca tries to save flora one last time i'll make another post bc that's also iconic #but no more peter i prommy

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inkskinned · 2 years

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it takes a really long time to unlearn but there's no such thing as "cheating" or "half-assing" being a person. if you need to leave the cabinet doors open, leave them open. microwave your tea. sit down in the shower. buy the eggmaker. use your phone to calculate tip.

it's mostly fake posterity rules. who cares if you microwave your dinners. who cares if you use instant coffee. who cares if you stop watching the show that got boring. we all have a different set of skills and a different life and taking care of yourself is fucking hard.

at the end of your life there will be no final scoreboard. nobody is going to judge you because you brushed your teeth in the shower. there will be no final count of the number of times you had the same meal five nights in a row. there will be no fanfare or party because you won at being a person - and no one will be disappointed that you never understood the point of using paper towels to dry your hands off after washing them.

yeah, in this world, people will put up a fuss. i've noticed some of the biggest fusses are over what you'll put in/on your body. the fact that i will regularly eat deli meat straight out of the bag makes a lot of people genuinely concerned for me. but here's the thing: sometimes that's the only way i'm getting any protein. my doctor says i am doing fine. i'm sticking to my weird snacks and calling it deconstructed charcuterie.

they'll say they're horrified because you take a shortcut. that's fine. it's just that it looks like a shortcut to them because they're on a different life path. these kinds of things stand out to them as important. that's fine too. but for you? you've got other things that already make you pretty hard working. and these tiny things - well, they're just clutter on your journey.

#before any motherfucker is like <3 #''i know more about this and it IS WRONG to do this THING''#shhhhh #unless ur a doctor and a patient has specifically asked... shut the FUCK up dude #one of the ways my life has changed in the last few years is like #taking coffee for granted #isn't something i can do #can you stand up for the entirety of making a meal? i can't always #and having some pompousass person be like #MICROWAVE THE WATER? FOR TEA? like . yeah actually i've been in prison for it ever since #''it tastes different!!!'' cool. it's not going into yOUR body.#i personally don't ever make hot chocolate with water. only ever oat/soy milk #but i wouldn't be like ... SIR. I WILL NOW JUDGE THEE #it's just like ableism all the way down innit #ableism and classism and #the expectation of the mental load as a form of being ''good''#also. besides the like. pots and [redacted medical information]#im doing GREAT actually #>:) i have visible abs even when not flexing #it's bc god prefers me as a lesbian n has rewarded me lately for presenting more openly

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chaosinterlude · 1 year

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“lucifer is sadistic and mean!! he’s so serious and scary!!”

meanwhile,

he’s just a silly man who wishes for a domestic life with his partner and dog <3

#i love silly and soft lucifer #he’s not this serious guy everyone makes him out to be i mean he conducted a necromantic ritual #TO GET HIS DOG BACK #and then introduces said dog to you because you’re important to him <33 #which mirrors the way in which lucifer becomes more open to mc after they become close to his brothers!!#he just wants his favorite people to get along #this devilgram is one of the most precious things i’ve ever seen #family is so important to him!! and it really shone through in this devilgram <33 #and i love incorperating that into my writing as well <3 #gahhh stories that portray lucifer like this (in-game or fan-made) make me so so happy #gently holds him in my hands and shuts up before i ramble on for too long #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me swd #lucifer obey me

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andy-clutterbuck · 2 months

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Years - The Ones Who Live - 1x01

#the Hot Suburban Dad at the Barbecue but he's a lil dorky #Rick Grimes #The Ones Who Live #towl spoilers #*#rg #nice gams grimes #as always #i'll still spill the potato salad and meet him in the garden shed #lacey shut up before you go off on a tangent #like he hasn't dated in a while™ and awkwardly offers to hang that wine rack you were talking about #but he's gotta go home and get his drill #*bad drilling joke*#*he blushes and coughs*#anyway i said shut up #bless all the lines on your face #they're beautiful and sacred #/ok going to bed more tomorrow

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ghostorbz · 1 month

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I made graphics instead of going to bed

Plus zadr stuff,,,

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vern-a · 11 months

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Forevers character is so funny. Competent, rich, genious man, who is cracked at the craft and cares deeply for his family. He uses his huge brain to protect the eggs at all costs. He is thoughtful, determined and consistent in his goals.

Enter Phil. A random gremlin of a man who happens to look like someone Forever knows.

Proceed to reduce Forever to a complete idiot. This man is now feral for one thing only - the love of a man whos only traits are violence on sight and boosh boosh.

#obviously phils character is much more than that but like. charicatures.#i love c!forever and c!phil so much theyre both motivated by the same goal but phil acheives it by stabbing while forever by strategising #the bit is great but imagine what they could acheive if they were competent together #qsmp #qsmp philza #qsmp forever #philever #this was written before cellbits betreyal i just need forever to feel love and care or i will cry and never recover #i woke up one day with forever as my little autism interest. rest assured i will never shut up about him <3 #talk bits

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factorialsotherfandoms · 6 months

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"Do you think Philza's okay?"

Fit rolls over to look at Pac, his roommate staring up at the ceiling. He reaches over, cautiously offering his hand. Pac, of course, takes it just as hesitantly.

"Cell's back, maybe after you, and you're worried about Phil?" Okay, so Fit is worried too, but his point is well made. Pac had only told him some of the situation, in whispered tones and terrified whimpers a few hours ago, and he was worrying about someone who was at least safe?

Pac turns his head, and looks Fit dead in the eye. "You're with me. I know you won't let anyone hurt me. But who's with him?"

"He's safe enough," Fit says. "Physically at least."

"He just didn't seem, ah," Pac struggles with his words for a moment. "Well?"

"It's not really my place to say," he replies. "But he's Philza. He'll be fine."

"Will he?" Pac asks, fretting already. "If the Federation is inside his head, making him see things..."

It's a worry Fit has too, one he really doesn't want to think about. He wants to pretend that his old friend is fine, that going and murdering blazes and magma cubes will have fixed everything. He needs to believe it, because the alternative... The alternative is there's nothing he can do.

"Do you really believe him?" Pac asks. "That there was a book there."

"Yes."

"Why?"

Fit sighs, and sits up. He turns on the lamp and stretches, looking around his room of missing texture flooring and ugly walls - the safest place he could think to bring Pac when he heard the news.

"It's not the first time," Fit says. "Phil... He swears it was a dream, that he was just sleeping. He wasn't. Tubbo and me? We checked every corner of his house. He wasn't there. Then he takes us to where he thought he was taken and he swears there's nothing weird about it? But it's full of parrots - they shouldn't have spawned there. Tubbo even found an avocado sapling."

"Philza has a lot of avocados," Pac agrees. "You think the Federation took him?"

"I'm not sure, it's not their usual behaviour," Fit frowns. "But I don't know who else it would be?"

"The codes?"

"Maybe." Fit cracks his head to the side. "But I know Phil. Whatever he saw? It terrified him. And anything that scares Philza Minecraft is nothing you ever want to see."

"Should we ask him if we can visit?" Pac has a calculating look on his face. "I can cry scared all over again, I just need to remember why. And his bunker is very safe. They might look for me in your house, but they'd never think of his."

"Why? Is my company not good enough for you?" Fit is mostly teasing.

Mostly.

"No! No, no, no," Pac waves his hands in a desperate attempt to be understood. "I just... I'm worried, you know?"

"Yeah..." Fit sighs. "Yeah, I'm worried too... I'll ask him."

Pac nods, and Fit types.

You whisper to Ph1LzA: Can I bring Pac over? We might need to stay the night.

Ph1LzA whispers to you: sure mate

Ph1LzA whispers to you: is everything okay?

You whisper to Ph1LzA: We'll explain when we get there

That's the end of that; Fit shows his communicator to Pac, who agrees.

"I'm not really faking the tears," Pac promises, already tearing up. "I just don't think about it, and then it isn't real."

Pac's not the only one acting like that, Fit presumes; Philza's constant denials even with evidence in front of him... Whatever the fuck happened in that forest, it's nothing good. Something so terrible believing his memory is at fault is somehow better.

"To Phil and Missa," Fit reminds Pac, not really needing it.

They warp together, and at the same time.

---

Philza is waiting at the top of the hatch when the pair arrive. To most people he would look entirely normal, but Fit can see the way his eyes flitter as he waves. Pac waves back, while Fit gives his traditional "oi!!!"

Philza laughs, and leads them down into the basement.

"What's up?" he asks the two of them. "Need more toast or something? I thought you were both asleep."

"No, um," Fit looks to Pac, realising they didn't quite work out what to say.

"Bagi told me more about the murders," is what Pac says, his voice dropping very quiet as he does. "She thinks... We think someone from my past is on the island."

"Shit," Philza closes his eyes for a moment. "How bad is it?"

"Last time I saw him," Pac's pace picks up; Fit squeezes his shoulder as he sees panic come in. "Last time... He nearly killed me. And the messages..." Pac grabs the hand on his shoulder and squeezes it back. "Some of them might be addressed to me."

Philza doesn't ask questions, he just glances around his children's bedroom, then looks at Fit. Fit meets his eyes.

Philza sighs, and caves.

"Alright," he says. "Do you want to sleep in Chayanne's room? I can adjust the door to just the three of us, Missa, and my eggs for now."

Fit knows it isn't for Pac's sake that Philza is changing the doors, he knows it for sure.

They get their beds set up, tucked behind the chests where a casual observer cannot see. Philza doesn't have a bed, but Fit makes them for him and Pac, placing them tucked away.

"Would you stay with us?" Fit asks, before his old friend can slip away.

Philza looks genuinely surprised by the request, "why, mate? I'll just be in the eggs' room."

"Safety in numbers, right?" Pac asks, glancing between the two. "I would... Feel safer if you were here too."

Fit knows its a manipulation tactic to convince Philza to stay, to make sure the old crow is not alone. It still rings so very true - and so very against everything ingrained within Fit's soul.

It's fine. For a few nights he can manage it, if its what his two closest friends need.

"Alright," Philza hesitates, but comes over and sits on the edge of Pac's bed. He takes off his backpack, and leans his scythe just in reach. Pac and Fit take the opportunity to remove their prosthetics, hastily reattached to travel over here, and stretch.

When Philza stands again, both of them can see how unstable he looks.

"Let's push our beds together," Fit says. "If we put Pac between us, there isn't an angle they can get him from."

Philza looks at Fit, and knows exactly what he's doing. Still, Philza crafts up a third bed, and squishes it between the two.

He nearly falls as he walks around to do it; Fit catches him, helps him steady, but is brushed off before he can say a word.

"Alright," Philza says. "Pac in the middle then. You won't get too warm, will you?"

"I'm Brazilian," Pac says. "It's always too cold here now Mike is gone."

They both see how heavily Philza drops to the bed, curling himself back to Pac and defensively ready. Fit, on his side, curls close to Pac - his one arm over him.

It's not really a surprise how quickly Pac falls asleep, with the sheer trauma and strain of the day on his back. He quickly falls into dreams, and Fit can only hope they are kind.

"Phil," he asks, once he knows Pac is asleep. "Won't you sleep?"

"You needed a guard," Philza says.

"You know we don't. You and I? We'll wake if anything so much as tests the hatch."

It's true, and they both know it.

Philza, however, doesn't speak.

At least, not for a long time; Fit considers conversation a lost cause and is about to give up and call this good enough when he hears Philza again, voice broken just like it was in the garden.

"If I sleep, will I wake?" is what Philza asks, whispered almost silently. "How will I know when the world is real again? What will I see this time?"

"I'll make sure you wake up," Fit promises, because he can. "And I'll do something to make you absolutely certain its really me."

"Promise?"

Philza sounds so weak, so small like this. Fit... Fit cannot stand it, not at all. He reaches a little further, and manages to put his hand on Phil's shoulder.

Philza's own hand reaches over, clinging to it.

"I promise," Fit says. "We'll wake you if we leave. We won't let anything weird happen, its just sleep."

Philza turns, and his eyes do not seem to trust Fit. But they are also exhausted, and desperate, and terrified.

"Go to sleep, Phil. I won't until you do."

"I'm sorry," Philza whispers, sounding absolutely broken. "Thank you. Both of you. I know... I'm sorry."

Fit squeezes his shoulder again.

"It'll be alright," Fit replies. "I've got you. I've got both of you. It's going to be okay."

Nothing else is said before they eventually fall asleep.

#qsmp fanfic #qsmp philza #qsmp fit #qsmp pac #this is what I actually wanted to write today but working out the stuff with Bagi as well was hard #coping mechanism: worry about someone else instead of yourself #none of them are okay and they all need a hug #they got one in canon!#this is some more #and now my hands are completely dead #fuck three minifics in a day ow #brain really is just on nyoom today #it will not shut up #ao3 might take a bit see hand complaints #i'd like to get it up before bed but we'll see if I can handle the mouse #else it'll be... sometime tomorrow I have meetings

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batfam-nalu-onepiece · 8 months

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Luffy: Hey everyone! I want you to meet my new friend. His name is Tra-guy! Say hi!

Law: Hello. I’m not his friend. We are just working together. I’m only here for a little, then I’m leaving

Sanji: Hey welcome to the crew

Law: Crew? No like I said, I will only be here for a little while. A week or two tops

Sanji: Yeah sure. Luffy liked you. So you’re a part of our crew whether you like it or not. Hell, I refused him outright like three times but he made me join

Law: He..made you? Are you like his prisoner?

Sanji: No no, we’re cool now. He just doesn’t give up until he gets you on his crew. It’s not just me too.

Law: Not just you……*looks to the rest of the Strawhats* How many of you didn’t want to join his cree at first?

Zoro, Nami, Chopper, Franky raise their hand

Nami: Really only Robin and Brooke were the ones who wanted to be here. Ussop was in the middle. Luffy said “we’re friends so get on” and he came happily but everyone else..

Law: That’s…so he built his crew by just seeing people he likes and making them part of his crew? No wonder you are all so……odd

Nami: Odd? You should feel lucky! We stopped him from inviting a guy stuck in a treasure box, A tree-Zombie and a unicorn-zombie that were drinking sake, A pair of Legs and a centaur.

#Zoro had the choice either join his crew or die by the marines #Luffy followed Nami to her home town and said I don’t care that you don’t like pirates. you’re my navigator #Sanji refused Luffy and Luffy refused his refusal. More than once #Chopper was saying how he can’t be a pirate and Luffy told him to Shut up #They had Franky by the balls (literally) Holding his speedo so he was Naked in front of everyone and Robin squeezing his balls until he join #Luffy decided Franky was his Shipwright before Franky was even asked #one piece #monkey d. luffy #trafalgar law #incorrect one piece quotes #strawhat pirates

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ekat-fandom-blog · 7 months

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Obedience

The first chance she had to escape, Dani took it. Vlad had become sloppy since imposing the obedience curse onto her. According to him, he had to test the cursed leather cuff bracelet before using it on Danny.

He'd run tests to see how long the curse was in place after taking the bracelet off. Made sure that his plan would work. He'd found the curse lasted about 2 minutes after taking the cuff off. They'd both found out that the person wearing the cuff wasn't able to take it off no matter how hard they tried.

The only reason she'd been able to leave is because Vlad had told her that as soon as she saw Danny she was to put it on him and tell him to go to him. Told her not to tell anyone about the curse. He hadn't counted on her leaving Amity Park to find someone else to help her. There were tons of heroes that would be willing to help her get the damn thing off.

#dp x dc #dc x dp #dcxdp #dpxdc #dc x dp prompt #dpxmarvel #dp x marvel #obedience curse #dani became ella from ella enchanted #sorta #tbh i just wanted more obedience curse fics #can you imagine the shenanigans that could be had by just one random bystander telling her to shut up #or runs into traffickers #before she can get help?

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 10 months

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Thank you for feeding us the laughingstock <3

you're so Welcome! its entirely Voluntary! i have Every Choice On The Matter!

#ive said it before and ill say it again: theyre holding me hostage in my own head #i swear to god i meant to scribble more outfits tonight... i Didnt...#I FUCKING WONDER WHY!!!!!#but yeah no yeah seriously tho i love them and i love Providing #this pairing is a heavy weight on my back but by fuck i will carry it #i am honestly hoping for crumbs in the update lmfao #theyd be platonic crumbs of course but ough any would be so so tasty #i will take any interaction they have! any tidbits! and i will cherish them!#& like. theyre a rarepair and i do not believe for a second that they have canon merit #but hey! a guy can dream!#and if one day the impossible happens and it turns out i Sniffed Out A Canon Couple. goddamn. id be unbearable. id never shut up about it #yall would have to kill me.#rambles from the bog #laughingstock #scribble salad

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campbyler · 2 months

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if i had kept chapter 9 in one part, it would currently be 36k. and counting. so you're welcome, everybody

#me halfway done w this chapter and clocking in at 14k like HELPPPP. SOMEBODY TEACH ME HOW TO SHUT UP #i mean i think i am also probably expanding a little bit more than i might have if confined to one part #but can you imagine reading 36k+ in one sitting .#i also think i have another solid 10k in me before i finish this part so like. god. GOD.#(i do still think that the estimated upload date will actually be the posting date i have a 3 day weekend coming up)

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squidcandy · 10 months

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can we bring this au back. can we pleaseee bring this au back.

#myart #enstars #ensemble stars #kuro kiryu #souma kanzaki #keito hasumi #akatsuki #kurokei #this is a parent x teacher au #i read a fic w this premise and it hasnt left me in months now #since its fathers day… why not #sorry for not beating the kurokeiP that only sees souma as their child allegations #<- this is a joke do not come for me. i love souma. i need to crosspost more of my twt analysis on hi #also i have something to restore the balance but i wanna color it before i put it up here #my weakness… for found family… so apparent i was into fandom in late 2010s #but guys can we bring back babyverse aus #i love baby headcanons #akatsuki family you wouldn’t get it the way i do/j #okay enough. enough. ill shut up. i still feel nervous about posting this haha #kuro is 28 here this one is for my yume friend

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little-green-lies · 7 months

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Can I just say that I never thought I'd be reblogging so much Bubbline content in 2023. Like Obsidian back in 2020 was already a nice little treat. But to think that five years after the finale we'd have not just a revisit but a resurgence of love for Adventure Time. From a fandom that wasn't exactly dead, but was definitely dormant. I mean Bubbline shippers really fucking won. We went from a hypothetical backstory, to a confirmed history, to a slow burn handled with the utmost care. Concluding with confirmation to the audience that they were officially back together. And then they decided to show us their lives post finale and that was already shocking considering how the media treats sapphic relationships. Especially in animation. But then they gave us a spinoff show with the genderbent versions of this amazing ship and that's cool, I love Marshall and Gary. But they didn't just leave us with that, oh no. They ALSO gave us our girls, both in canon and as an au (which was phenomenal). And basically confirmed that they truly are soulmates no matter the universe. Even when they don't fall in love, their destinies are entwined. Like...that's unheard of. We're just barely getting storylines like that in live action. And they gave us that in a cartoon! And they weren't even a background ship. They were THE ship. I just... I've never been so happy. And the creativity that artists have now that we have more design choices and more outfits. It makes me cry every time I see it across ALL of my socials.

#bubbline #marceline the vampire queen #princess bubblegum #marshall lee #gary prince #gumlee #and i know they've added more sapphic storylines to animation #but it's still usually a subplot/throw away (korrasami)#or a kyd storyline with one of them ending up heartbroken (pearl)#or the show gets cancelled (owl house)#so to have bubbline go from a 'blink and you miss it' plot #to an in your face 'they're girlfriends' plot #and then not have it end with the finale and pretend like it didn't happen or wasn't important #like Obsidian was a whole half hour dedicated to them and who they were before the main show started #and then f&c could've left them out of it and just focused on gary and marshall #but no. the girls were still a part of it because their relationship is a core part of the show #I'll never shut up about them i fear #original post #vernalfey

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g0nta-g0kuhara · 10 months

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Was anyone gonna tell me Celeste had SEVEN FTES?? Kyoko only had 5 like a normal person!! Which one is the standard here?

#shut up me #got to the ch3 body discovery with my friend #we are zooming through thh #we’re gonna play more on Saturday probably up to when the trial starts #I’m having lots of fun #I’ve never actually played the first two games myself before #it’s hitting so much harder like this #my heart fucking ached for taka during trial 2 and into ch3 #I need to draw him and mondo. god it was just so sad #my friend felt the same too #don’t know how to tell her that one of her favs is dying soon (I will not be telling her)#I also can’t wait to start sdr2 I want to see her reactions to all the characters!!

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uhbasicallyjustmilex · 4 months

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happy new year everyone!! 🌟✨ it's been almost exactly a year since i first tentatively poked my head into this little space here on tumblr, and being part of the wonderful am/miles/tlsp community here with you all has truly been one of the highlights of my 2023 💗

as i'm sure is the case for most of us, it's been a year of ups and downs for me. i've been lucky enough to experience some amazing things (living in a new city, reconnecting with my creativity, getting my dream job, discovering music that speaks to my soul, making new friends, reading some amazing books) and human enough to experience some less incredible things (chronic pain, family difficulties, discovering my dream job is not in fact my dream job, getting long covid, the ever uphill battle of healing from trauma). through it all, this space has been a continued solace and source of joy, where i've met some truly special people and felt part of a little community where i get to have fun and flail and just be me. i can't even begin to express how grateful i am to be part of a space like this, or how grateful i am to everyone here who makes it what it is ✨

i also just wanted to say a quick thank you to everyone who has supported me with my writing over this past year, whether that's through kudos or comments or messages or amazing cheerleading/editing help. one of the absolute gifts of discovering this fandom has been the writing fic side of it. maybe it sounds silly, but writing four walls has genuinely been one of the highlights and biggest achievements of my year. writing has always been something incredibly close to my heart, but my degree left me totally sapped of inspiration and confidence, and i'd been struggling for a while to climb out of that after graduating. something about alex and miles just instantly sparked off inspiration in me that i hadn't felt for a long time, and getting to write about them over the past year has reminded me of the sheer joy of creating and the magic of getting to share that with people ✨

it's something that's finally given me the confidence to pick up my own original writing again too, and i couldn't be more grateful to alex and his wonderful lyrics (particularly the entirety of humbug) and to everyone who's supported my fic ventures for helping me reconnect to and explore my creativity. it's the best feeling in the world to finally feel like i'm coming home to that part of myself and carving out a proper space for it in my life 💗

2023 was far from perfect, but it was filled with so many brilliant moments of illumination and i feel i am leaving it with a deeper sense of myself and my path moving forward. i know it's going to be a rocky one at times, but i am excited for what 2024 holds in store for me - and i can't wait to continue flailing with you all over all things milex and to enjoy all the amazing fics/gifsets/posts/art to come!

wishing all of you a year ahead full of wonderful moments and new experiences and fulfilment 💫✨ i really am more grateful than i'll ever be able to adequately express for this space here, and to all the amazing people i've been lucky enough to get to know through it. here's to an amazing 2024 for all of us 💗💞🩷💓💖💕💝

(the photos above are just a random little collection of ones over the past year that i particularly associate with the various things i've talked about in this post)

#god this ended up being much longer and more sentimental than i realised 😅#happy new year!! 💜#also please excuse the photo of me lol #it’s not the best and i’ve blocked out my face for obvious reasons #but it was taken the morning after the am concert in my hotel room just before i left #and i was just feeling so utterly elated and swept up in the post gig high #so it captures one of my favourite moments and feelings of the whole year 🥰#i couldn’t not include it #anyway i’ll actually shut up now #i blame having an hour to myself for the first time all holiday for this degree of self indulgent rambling 😅#personal #lulu posts

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stergeon · 23 days

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say it

Byleth makes Edelgard say swear words.

(~350 words; too stupid to post on ao3)

“‘Shit.’”

“Grotesque.”

“Give it a try.”

“… Shit.”

“Very good. ‘Ass.’”

“That one is easier. I’ve said it before.”

“Then why don’t you say it now?”

“I… er…”

“If it’s so easy, then do it.”

“… Ass.”

“Excellent.”

“Don’t mock me.”

“How about this one? ‘Cunt.’”

“Wh—I actually, um, don’t know what that means.”

“You don’t know ‘cunt’?”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Byleth, it’s simply not in my lexicon.”

“It means va—”

“All right, I understand. The gesture was absolutely unnecessary. I’m astounded at how many words there seem to be for the same thing.”

“If you think that’s bad, you won’t believe how many there are for pe—”

“Well, this has been a fun exercise and hopefully a source of great amusement to you, but I think I’m finished.”

“Wait, wait.”

“No.”

“One more, one more.”

“Mm, no. I don’t think so.”

“Please?”

“… You know it’s not fair of you to give me those eyes.”

“Is that a yes?”

“All right. All right. One more.”

“Yesssss. ‘Fuck.’”

“Byleth!”

“What?! You said one more, and that’s the one to say.”

“I’m—I am not—”

“Please?”

“You can’t pull the same maneuver twice in a minute and expect to succeed. That’s poor strategy.”

“Is it working?”

“… Regrettably, it is.”

“Then it seems like a good strategy to me. Just say it. ‘Fuck.’ It’s easy.”

“It most certainly is not!”

“Try it. Say ‘fuck.’”

“… Fuck.”

“Oh, that’s rich. That’s very good.”

“Are you quite satisfied?”

“Nearly. Now use it in a sentence.”

“Byleth.”

“I’ll give you one. It’ll be easy.”

“I did not—and do not—agree to this!”

“Just repeat after me.”

“No!”

“Say, ‘Byleth, I want you to fuck me.’”

“… Oh.”

“Go on, El. You can do it.”

“… Byleth, I…”

“Keep going.”

“Byleth, I-I want you to… f-fuck me.”

“Good girl. Wasn’t so hard, was it?”

“Less than I—ah—thought it would be.”

“Mm. Well, you’ve certainly earned a reward, haven’t you?”

“Yes, my teacher. Fuck…”

“Aren’t you a fast learner? I’m impressed.”

“If you don’t shut up and kiss me right now, I’m going to start swearing in earnest.”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time, Your Majesty.”

#fe3h #fire emblem #edeleth #edelgard von hresvelg #byleth eisner #ficlet #sterge.rtf #sick of having this knock around in my drafts so now it is loose in the wild #but it’s so dumb that i really don’t want to bother posting it on ao3 #if i got an email alert for this i’d be disappointed #besides i’m trying to pretend i’m hard at work on the vickyvesties right now #it’s not crack it’s just goofy #theoretically this takes place during the honeymoon phase of chapter 5 of shared space #since edelgard knows her swears by the time of muscle memory/shared space chapter 9 #edelgard’s combination teacher/praise thing is truly unfortunate but what can you do. sometimes a girl is a gotdam mess #it’s not weird unless you make it weird. but she makes it weird.#i think sometimes (like here) she drops a ‘my teacher’ accidentally and byleth politely pretends not to notice #because if she Did call attention to it edelgard would be mortified and that would be the end of whatever fun things they’re doing #frankly no one deserves to say fuck more than edelgard #but with that giant stick up her ass she’d have a hard time getting around to it without some goading #i also hc that dropping honorifics is generally a Huge Turnoff for edelgard due to power dynamic shenanigans #their relationship is Complicated Enough in canon before i fucked it up more in shared space lol #so byleth is really asking for trouble here #but i also reckon ‘my teacher’ is a vibekiller for byleth so if anything they’re just riling each other up now #godspeed girls. hope you shut up long enough to get some

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