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qqueenofhades · 4 years

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Re: the post you reblogged about Bush. I'm 21 and tbh feel like I can only vote for Bernie, can you explain if/why I shouldn't? Thanks and sorry if this is dumb or anything.

Oh boy. Okay, I’ll do my best here. Note that a) this will get long, and b) I’m old, Tired, and I‘m pretty sure my brain tried to kill me last night. Since by nature I am sure I will say something Controversial ™, if anyone reads this and feels a deep urge to inform me that I am Wrong, just… mark it down as me being Wrong and move on with your life. But also, really, you should read this and hopefully think about it. Because while I’m glad you asked this question, it feels like there’s a lot in your cohort who won’t, and that worries me. A lot.

First, not to sound utterly old-woman-in-a-rocking-chair ancient, people who came of age/are only old enough to have Obama be the first president that they really remember have no idea how good they had it. The world was falling the fuck apart in 2008 (not coincidentally, after 8 years of Bush). We came within a flicker of the permanent collapse of the global economy. The War on Terror was in full roar, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan were at their height, we had Dick Cheney as the cartoon supervillain before we had any of Trump’s cohort, and this was before Chelsea Manning or Edward Snowden had exposed the extent of NSA/CIA intelligence-gathering/American excesses or there was any kind of public debate around the fact that we were all surveilled all the time. And the fact that a brown guy named Barack Hussein Obama was elected in this climate seems, and still seems tbh, kind of amazing. And Obama was certainly not a Perfect President ™. He had to scale back a lot of planned initiatives, he is notorious for expanding the drone strike/extrajudicial assassination program, he still subscribed to the overall principles of neoliberalism and American exceptionalism, etc etc. There is valid criticism to be made as to how the hopey-changey optimistic rhetoric stacked up against the hard realities of political office. And yet…. at this point, given what we’re seeing from the White House on a daily basis, the depth of the parallel universe/double standards is absurd.

Because here’s the thing. Obama, his entire family, and his entire administration had to be personally/ethically flawless the whole time (and they managed that – not one scandal or arrest in eight years, against the legions of Trumpistas now being convicted) because of the absolute frothing depths of Republican hatred, racial conspiracy theories, and obstruction against him. (Remember Merrick Garland and how Mitch McConnell got away with that, and now we have Gorsuch and Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court? Because I remember that). If Obama had pulled one-tenth of the shit, one-twentieth of the shit that the Trump administration does every day, he would be gone. It also meant that people who only remember Obama think he was typical for an American president, and he wasn’t. Since about… Jimmy Carter, and definitely since Ronald Reagan, the American people have gone for the Trump model a lot more than the Obama model. Whatever your opinion on his politics or character, Obama was a constitutional law professor, a community activist, a neighborhood organizer and brilliant Ivy League intellectual who used to randomly lie awake at night thinking about income inequality. Americans don’t value intellectualism in their politicians; they just don’t. They don’t like thinking that “the elites” are smarter than them. They like the folksy populist who seems fun to have a beer with, and Reagan/Bush Senior/Clinton/Bush Junior sold this persona as hard as they possibly could. As noted in said post, Bush Junior (or Shrub as the late, great Molly Ivins memorably dubbed him) was Trump Lite but from a long-established political family who could operate like an outwardly civilized human.

The point is: when you think Obama was relatively normal (which, again, he wasn’t, for any number of reasons) and not the outlier in a much larger pattern of catastrophic damage that has been accelerated since, again, the 1980s (oh Ronnie Raygun, how you lastingly fucked us!), you miss the overall context in which this, and which Trump, happened. Like most left-wingers, I don’t agree with Obama’s recent and baffling decision to insert himself into the 2020 race and warn the Democratic candidates against being too progressive or whatever he was on about. I think he was giving into the same fear that appears to be motivating the remaining chunk of Joe Biden’s support: that middle/working-class white America won’t go for anything too wild or that might sniff of Socialism, and that Uncle Joe, recalled fondly as said folksy populist and the internet’s favorite meme grandfather from his time as VP, could pick up the votes that went to Trump last time. And that by nature, no one else can.

The underlying belief is that these white voters just can’t support anything too “un-American,” and that by pushing too hard left, Democratic candidates risk handing Trump a second term. Again: I don’t agree and I think he was mistaken in saying it. But I also can’t say that Obama of all people doesn’t know exactly the strength of the political machine operating against the Democratic Party and the progressive agenda as a whole, because he ran headfirst into it for eight years. The fact that he managed to pass any of his legislative agenda, usually before the Tea Party became a thing in 2010, is because Democrats controlled the House and Senate for the first two years of his first term. He was not perfect, but it was clear that he really did care (just look up the pictures of him with kids). He installed smart, efficient, and scandal-free people to do jobs they were qualified for. He gave us Elena Kagan and Sonia Sotomayor to join RBG on the Supreme Court. All of this seems… like a dream.

That said: here we are in a place where Biden, Bernie Sanders, and Elizabeth Warren are the front-runners for the Democratic nomination (and apparently Pete Buttigieg is getting some airplay as a dark horse candidate, which… whatever). The appeal of Biden is discussed above, and he sure as hell is not my favored candidate (frankly, I wish he’d just quit). But Sanders and Warren are 85% - 95% similar in their policy platforms. The fact that Michael “50 Billion Dollar Fortune” Bloomberg started rattling his chains about running for president is because either a Sanders or Warren presidency terrifies the outrageously exploitative billionaire capitalist oligarchy that runs this country and has been allowed to proceed essentially however the fuck they like since… you guessed it, the 1980s, the era of voodoo economics, deregulation, and the free market above all. Warren just happens to be ten years younger than Sanders and female, and Sanders’ age is not insignificant. He’s 80 years old and just had a heart attack, and there’s still a year to go to the election. It’s also more than a little eye-rolling to describe him as the only progressive candidate in the race, when he’s an old white man (however much we like and approve of his policy positions). And here’s the thing, which I think is a big part of the reason why this polarized ideological purity internet leftist culture mistrusts Warren:

She may have changed her mind on things in the past.

Scary, right? I sound like I’m being facetious, but I’m not. An argument I had to read with my own two eyes on this godforsaken hellsite was that since Warren became a Democrat around the time Clinton signed Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, she sekritly hated gay people and might still be a corporate sellout, so on and etcetera. (And don’t even get me STARTED on the fact that DADT, coming a few years after the height of the AIDS crisis which was considered God’s Judgment of the Icky Gays, was the best Clinton could realistically hope to achieve, but this smacks of White Gay Syndrome anyway and that is a whole other kettle of fish.) Bernie has always demonstrably been a democratic socialist, and: good for him. I’m serious. But because there’s the chance that Warren might not have thought exactly as she does now at any point in her life, the hysterical and paranoid left-wing elements don’t trust that she might not still secretly do so. (Zomgz!) It’s the same element that’s feeding cancel culture and “wokeness.” Nobody can be allowed to have shifted or grown in their opinions or, like a functional, thoughtful, non-insane adult, changed their beliefs when presented with compelling evidence to the contrary. To the ideological hordes, any hint of uncertainty or past failure to completely toe the line is tantamount to heresy. Any evidence of any other belief except The Correct One means that this person is functionally as bad as Trump. And frankly, it’s only the Sanders supporters who, just as in 2016, are threatening to withhold their vote in the general election if their preferred candidate doesn’t win the primary, and indeed seem weirdly proud about it.

OK, boomer Bernie or Buster.

Here’s the thing, the thing, the thing: there is never going to be an American president free of the deeply toxic elements of American ideology. There just won’t be. This country has been built how it has for 250 years, and it’s not gonna change. You are never going to have, at least not in the current system, some dream candidate who gets up there and parrots the left-wing talking points and attacks American imperialism, exceptionalism, ravaging global capitalism, military and oil addiction, etc. They want to be elected as leader of a country that has deeply internalized and taken these things to heart for its entire existence, and most of them believe it to some degree themselves. So this groupthink white liberal mentality where the only acceptable candidate is this Perfect Non-Problematic robot who has only ever had one belief their entire lives and has never ever wavered in their devotion to doctrine has really gotten bad. The Democratic Party would be considered… maybe center/mild left in most other developed countries. It’s not even really left-wing by general standards, and Sanders and Warren are the only two candidates for the nomination who are even willing to go there and explicitly put out policy proposals that challenge the systematic structure of power, oppression, and exploitation of the late-stage capitalist 21st century. Warren has the billionaires fussed, and instead of backing down, she’s doubling down. That’s part of why they’re so scared of her. (And also misogyny, because the world is depressing like that.) She is going head-on after picking a fight with some of the worst people on the planet, who are actively killing the rest of us, and I don’t know about you, but I like that.

Of course: none of this will mean squat if she (or the eventual Democratic winner, who I will vote for regardless of who it is, but as you can probably tell, she’s my ride or die) don’t a) win the White House and then do as they promised on the campaign trail, and b) don’t have a Democratic House and Senate willing to have a backbone and pass the laws. Even Nancy Pelosi, much as she’s otherwise a badass, held off on opening a formal impeachment inquiry into Trump for months out of fear it would benefit him, until the Ukraine thing fell into everyone’s laps. The Democrats are really horrible at sticking together and voting the party line the way Republicans do consistently, because Democrats are big-tent people who like to think of themselves as accepting and tolerant of other views and unwilling to force their members’ hands. The Republicans have no such qualms (and indeed, judging by their enabling of Trump, have no qualms at all).

The modern American Republican party has become a vehicle for no-holds-barred power for rich white men at the expense of absolutely everything and everyone else, and if your rationale is that you can’t vote for the person opposing Donald Goddamn Trump is that you’re just not vibing with them on the language of that one policy proposal… well, I’m glad that you, White Middle Class Liberal, feel relatively safe that the consequences of that decision won’t affect you personally. Even if we’re due to be out of the Paris Climate Accords one day after the 2020 election, and the issue of climate change now has the most visibility it’s ever had after years of big-business, Republican-led efforts to deny and discredit the science, hey, Secret Corporate Shill, am I right? Can’t trust ‘er. Let’s go have a craft beer.

As has been said before: vote as far left as you want in the primary. Vote your ideology, vote whatever candidate you want, because the only way to make actual, real-world change is to do that. The huge, embedded, all-consuming and horrible system in which we operate is not just going to suddenly be run by fairy dust and happy thoughts overnight. Select candidates that reflect your values exactly, be as picky and ideologically militant as you want. That’s the time to do that! Then when it comes to the general election:

America is a two-party system. It sucks, but that’s the case. Third-party votes, or refraining from voting because “it doesn’t matter” are functionally useless at best and actively harmful at worst.

Either the Democratic candidate or Donald Trump will win the 2020 election.

There is absolutely no length that the Republican/GOP machine, and its malevolent allies elsewhere, will not go to in order to secure a Trump victory. None.

Any talk whatsoever about “progressive values” or any kind of liberal activism, coupled with a course of action that increases the possibility of a Trump victory, is hypocritical at best and actively malicious at worst.

This is why I found the Democratic response to Obama’s “don’t go too wild” comments interesting. Bernie doubled down on the fact that his plans have widespread public support, and he’s right. (Frankly, the fact that Sanders and Warren are polling at the top, and the fact that they’re politicians and would not be crafting these campaign messages if they didn’t know that they were being positively received, says plenty on its own). Warren cleverly highlighted and praised Obama’s accomplishments in office (i.e. the Affordable Care Act) and didn’t say squat about whether she agreed or disagreed with him, then went right back to campaigning about why billionaires suck. And some guy named Julian Castro basically blew Obama off and claimed that “any Democrat” could beat Trump in 2020, just by nature of existing and being non-insane.

This is very dangerous! Do not be Julian Castro!

As I said in my tags on the Bush post: everyone assumed that sensible people would vote for Kerry in 2004. Guess what happened? Yeah, he got Swift Boated. The race between Obama and McCain in 2008, even after those said nightmare years of Bush, was very close until the global crash broke it open in Obama’s favor, and Sarah Palin was an actual disqualifier for a politician being brazenly incompetent and unprepared. (Then again, she was a woman from a remote backwater state, not a billionaire businessman.) In 2012, we thought Corporate MormonBot Mitt Fuggin’ Romney was somehow the worst and most dangerous candidate the Republicans could offer. In 2016, up until Election Day itself, everyone assumed that HRC was a badly flawed candidate but would win anyway. And… we saw how that worked out. Complacency is literally deadly.

I was born when Reagan was still president. I’m just old enough to remember the efforts to impeach Clinton over forcing an intern to give him a BJ in the Oval Office (This led by the same Republicans making Donald Trump into a darling of the evangelical Christian right wing.) I’m definitely old enough to remember 9/11 and how America lost its mind after that, and I remember the Bush years. And, obviously, the contrast with Obama, the swing back toward Trump, and everything that has happened since. We can’t afford to do this again. We’re hanging by a thread as it is, and not just America, but the entire planet.

So yes. By all means, vote for Sanders in the primary. Then when November 3, 2020 rolls around, if you care about literally any of this at all, hold your nose if necessary and vote straight-ticket Democrat, from the president, to the House and Senate, to the state and local offices. I cannot put it more strongly than that.

#politics for ts #long post #anonymous #ask

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trans-cuchulainn · 3 years

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What are the major details that confused you about the Hound blurb? The major one that stood put to me was the "way of the farmer opposed to the sword" thing which felt very...un-Cú Chulainn. Also, if you don't mind expanding further, which details didn't you question/be confused by?

and also for anon:

okay so it is like. 2am so there are not going to be any sources here but i can't sleep so here goes!! i will go through this blurb line by line and give youse my thoughts

In 50 BCE,

reasonable. this is roughly the right time period for when the ulster cycle is set. maybe marginally earlier than i'd place cú chulainn, but i'm talking a few years, nothing to get worked up about.

Morrigan, the goddess of war,

fine. normally i'm wary of pantheonising impulses with regard to irish characters (almost none of them can be identified as a god of anything in particular, it doesn't work like that) but tbh the morrigan is like, the most plausible exception to that, so whatever. normally her name has the definite article attached to it because it's kind of a species term as well but whatevs.

has become restless as a long-lasting peace settles over Ireland.

dubious. closest i can think of to peace being reference in any texts is togail bruidne da derga talking about conaire mor's reign being like, prosperous and peaceful and whatever, and even there you've got díberg (plundering/reaving) which is what eventually fucks him over and starts the otherworldly hell spiral situation. that's roughly the right period here but conaire's doom proves you don't have to do much to nudge peace into war, and connacht and ulster are at each other's throats for years before cú chulainn comes on the scene anyway

Deciding the time of peace must end, she chooses Setanta, the nephew of the king of the north, to become her ward.

hmm. i mean. like, this isn't the WEIRDEST choice they could have made. it's still completely made-up, don't get me wrong -- cú chulainn has a lot of different foster parents in different texts and they don't agree with each other but none of them ever mentions the morrígan. but like, they do have a connection of some sort, as evidenced by their conversations. and there's that one moment in the r1 boyhood deeds where little cú chulainn is out on the battlefield and hears her (not sure which name is used here) calling out to him and it like. motivates him to do some deeds or whatever, and i guess you could extrapolate that into some kind of teaching capacity.

so like. could be weirder. if you're gonna pick anyone, you could do worse. still seems weird to me! but not on its own a major issue, i could get past this and consider it a Fun But Unorthodox Creative Decision

(the fact that she tries to seduce him in the táin probably wouldn't get in the way of this considering sleeping with his teachers/foster-mothers is far from unheard of where cú chulainn is concerned)

After a young Setanta slays the demon-hound of Cullan, he becomes known as Cú Cullan—The Hound of Cullan.

weird spelling choices, they could have at least bothered to use the genitive properly. also the hound isn't a demon, it's a ferocious watchdog -- making it sound all Otherworldly and Hellish like this kinda confuses the issue of why he would need to take its place. he needs to take its place because the cattle and people still need protecting because it is a watchdog!! but whatevs, again, it's a brief summary so they can't exactly give us all the details and this is not actively objectionable

As Cú Cullan grows older, it is apparent that an extraordinary power lies within him … and a great darkness.

ugh boring. this makes it sound like he's going to be ~tortured~ and angsty about it. give me an unapologetic murder teen please. is the ríastrad dark? sure i guess, if you're going to be boring about it. it's more like, grotesque neon in my head

When he chooses the quiet life of a farmer over the sword,

this would fucking never happen on like five different levels. obviously like anyone who has ever read anything about cú chulainn can see that this is not in his nature. he is never going to choose a quiet life. this is the kid who tricked his way into taking arms before everyone thought he was ready. also juxtaposed with the "darkness" comment makes it sound like he would Angst his way into this quiet life which. again. have you seen this kid. he is an unapologetic murder teen

the only thing i can think of that might make him temporarily want to walk away is connla's death which... depends where you position that in the timeline really, he does seem a bit fucked up by it and maybe he'd want a holiday although i can see that lasting precisely 5 minutes before someone pissed him off enough for him to murder them. but if he's being raised by the morrígan i can't see him going to train with scáthach so then he'd never meet aífe and therefore connla would never be born so that wouldn't happen. so like. whatever.

but also like. he would not become a farmer. he just wouldn't! it doesn't work! the ireland of the stories is super hierarchical, right? and this blurb has already fucking told us that he's the king's nephew (canon) so we can tell that being a farmer is Not His Place. when we see upper class figures becoming menial labourers in texts, like in cath maige tuired, it's because Things Are Fucked, Shit's Gone Wrong. people don't just decide to change their entire social class on a whim lmfao

if cú chulainn really wanted to turn his back on being a warrior he could probably make recourse to certain other Suitable Professions ... his grandad's a druid so he might have a route into that, though his dad's not so that might fuck things up a bit bc it's one of those things that's usually inherited. he does give "wisdom" in at least one text though and we also know he can write (he carves riddles in ogham in the táin) and he composes verses on various occasions so idk, maybe something in a poetic direction, though again, usually requires two generations of inheritance to be a real poet and not just a lower-class bard. warrior's kinda the main thing he's got open to him tbh. but farming? i'm not a legal expert but as far as i'm aware based on what i have read, that would fuck shit up

more likely an upset cú chulainn would just go off in search of an adventure somewhere conveniently far away until he'd calmed down (alba, or the tyrrhenian sea, or -- if we're going to get early modern about it -- somewhere like india, which frequently gets thrown into the texts with absolutely no cultural context and it's always hilarious)

Morrigan, angry at the betrayal,

of the entire social order, yes,

instigates an invasion of his homeland

i mean. if they intend this to be the táin then.... táin bó regamna does kinda make the morrígan responsible for it? not in the sense of triggering the pillow talk argument that it's in the book of leinster -- it's her getting up to her usual cow-nicking behaviours for shits and giggles. [note to readers: it is probably for more than shits and giggles but did i mention it's 2am]

but all in all, not particularly out of character that she would be at least some way responsible for this so i can vibe with this. echtra nerai also supports the TBR explanation with her fucking around with otherworldly cows and pissing people off so, yeah, whatever. the morrígan engineered this. sure.

and Cú Cullan must challenge fate itself

this is probably a controversial stance but fate feels like a difficult concept to apply to medieval irish texts. like are people sometimes Doomed? yes. there are prophecies, there are gessi, there's all manner of otherworldly fuckery that can trip you up. is that the same thing as fate? no idea. considering cú chulainn comes out alive from the táin though and his doom prophecies don't catch up to him for like, at least another decade, maybe 16 years depending on who you listen to, hard to see how that would apply here

to keep the goddess at bay.

again like she IS causing fuckery in the táin but also it's like... one time. really not the main character. but she or maybe just some crows, hard to say, do get implicated in the death tale so maybe they're doing what people often do and conflating the two? even though there's like 10-16 years in between them?

anyway as you can see i don’t think it’s wholly terrible / i’m not completely thinkshaming it. like, having cú chulainn raised by the morrígan is unorthodox but it could be a fun and creative direction so i don't object to it. making cú chulainn get sad about murder and choose to be a farmer is just fucking laughable tho, and makes me doubt their characterisations in general. so that's offputting and would probably make me think twice about buying it, if that had ever been on the cards.*

and of course sure, their cú chulainn can be a Sad Boy Who Likes Sheep, but that means he's not the cú chulainn of medieval irish lit / irish myth, because that cú chulainn is a feral murder teen who keeps killing his friends and also is way too high social status to ever be a farmer, and whose only relationship to livestock is as the watchdog who kills anyone trying to harm them (which is an important role on a farm! but like. not the same thing as Being A Farmer. mostly because it involves more murder and is essentially just an extension of his role as a warrior. or rather the other way around. he promises to protect mag muirthemne as a watchdog and this like. gets extended into him becoming its sole defender)

this has been my analysis of this blurb i hope you enjoyed it

it's now 2.30am i should try and sleep now that i've exorcised a few thoughts from my head

*as i mentioned in the tags of my other post, i don't tend to read graphic novels due to disability stuff. they're much harder for me to understand and follow than prose, to the point where some are incomprehensible, so i don't really enjoy them. there are a few i've read, but they tend to be short ones, and i'm usually not reading them in order, just admiring the art separately from the text. so it's unlikely i would read a graphic novel of this size anyway.

#cu chulainn #hound #hound graphic novel #answered #oddnub-eye #anonymous #irish mythology #medieval irish #tain bo cuailnge

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betweenlands · 3 years

Text

and now: dreamsmp, as explained by a yogs/hermitcraft fan who only watches tales

note - i’m a yogs fan so all of this is, as the kids say, “c![name]” unless stated otherwise

general

these white men can have so many fucking wars

do any of them even... like each other? like. nobody fills in creeper holes, they’re constantly stealing from each other and griefing shit and half the time there’s not even plot reasons behind it

y’all don’t have access to the end? like at all? i mean i GET maybe if it was modded and people had access to, like, backpacks, but it’s vanilla

“dream thinks smps die when they get to the end” dream is wrong, a coward, and a baby boy man

no shopping district? no ECONOMY? this part is fucking BAFFLING to me hello i do nothing but strip mine while listen to podcasts, i could buy and sell these idiots in diamonds. i feel like you could just say “we’re using prismarine blocks for currency now” and everyone would go fucking off it

i’m. i’m still stuck on the fact that there’s NO ECONOMY. like NONE. what the fuck. how do y’all live like this.

IT’S NOT EVEN MODDED i cannot grasp this. how is nonmodded vanilla minecraft with NO sense of honor between everyone else fun for anyone?

if you’re gonna run an anarchy server you should at least put icbm in your mod pack so people can explode each other properly

y’all have to use withers? you don’t have antimatter? w

i’m surprised people don’t get the places they logged out deathtrapped, this might as well be demise

all songs are acoustic sadboy or indiepop. i’d say “please write a diss track” but i don’t... think i want to hear that

i know “my lmanburg” is plot important but i don’t listen to ANY dsmp music by choice so i can only imagine it to the tune of my sharona

plot/characters

three lives system except it’s retroactive and makes literally no sense

there’s three immortals -- the server admin, who’s a horrible green-screen fresno nightcrawler (and is also canonically abusive? what? why would you canonize this?), a bird dude who does hardcore sometimes also, and sonic the hedgehog

i’m rooting for sonic

two children. actually a lot more than two children but there’s two very important children.

tubbo is one of the important children. he has infinity dads and i think he’s related to sips because their last names are both “underscore”. other dads include captain sparklez and maybe schlatt and probably some others too

he can make armor out of radio waves. nobody talks about this

tommy is the other important child. he’s simultaneously an uwu baby boy and also a little shit gremlin

schlatt. he’s sips but more

he’s glatt (ghost schlatt) now. which i know because he was in tales and constantly shouting GLATT

the first season was written by (irl) wilbur soot and it was apparently just hamilton? i don’t like hamilton.

IRL - he also supposedly forgot to tell schlatt his character was dying. again do these people talk to each other at all? like are they friends?

lemon microburger started out as a british drug cartel and has since been exploded like, idk, five times. i forget vanilla players have to explode things on purpose because [antimatter wind-up noise]

karl jacobs exists. he’s a time traveler. he’s very cool

charlie slimesicle pulled a nanosounds and launched himself into orbit and hasn’t come back down since

me too, buddy

foolish! he’s like, a demigod slash Totem Of (Un)Dying. he actually knows how to build! he seems neat!

...unfortunately he looks like Bench Appearo (i’m sorry)

THERE’S AN EGG hi as an old redstoner/flux buddies fan i FULLY fucking approve of egg. i love weird minecraft corruption plotlines i think we should have more of them

egg will make the plot good. join egg

there was some sort of war involving pet murder and also a railway system? might as well be happening

other stuff

fandom has one hobby and it’s discourse about who’s justified in doing what, which is baffling to me

back in my day we pointed at the unethical clone scientist whose name was a pun on hannibal lector and who did SO MUCH MURDER and went “oh he did nothing wrong whatsoever”

everyone has done war crimes but none of the fun war crimes

so does nobody do like. psychological warfare? not abuse -- like, leaving 50 signs leading to different coordinates on a wild goose chase that ends with “made you look” or tricking someone into digging their own grave

have some PANACHE! march up to the egg and leave the entire This Is Not A Place Of Honor text on signs! mix it up!

apparently people don’t like it when the production values are good, because if it’s too well-made then it’s not dreamsmp anymore? baffling if true. let people minecraft roleplay! high production values mean better plot!

something about discs i guess

okay that’s all, if i missed anything i’m supposed to talk about just tell me when you reblog the post and i’ll explain what i know

also i still can’t believe you guys don’t have even, like, a barter economy

#dream smp #dreamsmp #dsmp #txt #orig #yt #this is okay to reblog and i think you should do that #long post //#(jic you're on mobile and the readmore doesn't work)

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createandconstruct · 3 years

Text

I have many thoughts about the new developments from chapter 306. And usually I never share my thoughts but here we go.

Vigilante Storyline

Izuku is very obviously going to be a vigilante. He puts his hood up in that last and seems to be going after that villain. While I’m sorting out my feelings on this twist I think it’s safe to say the majority of people did not expect. It’s a new direction and makes sense from a narrative perspective since the kids are entering their second year. Rather than have izuku and the students repeat the same school activities from their first year (which could get repeatitive) we’re moving into a vigalente/crimefighting hero story that puts izuku in direct conflict with current society. Good potential stuff.

UA students/teachers/All Might the next potential damsel in distress

The down side to Izuku’s plan however is that - as is typical in superhero stories (spider-man cough cough) - he leaves to protect his friends and family but I mean... come on kiddo. Shigaraki and AFO know what school you went to. They know your classmates. And they know your connection to All Might. I doubt we have to worry about Izuku being gone from UA and the other kids/teachers for long as they are in the hot seat for being AFO’s method for luring Izuku into his hands. There’s also a part in this that makes me nervous for All Might and Nighteye’s prediction. All Might’s horrific fate could very well be a result of Izuku’s actions in 306 if this is the catalyst that causes AFO-shigaraki to target UA and its students/teachers to get to Izuku. Having said that though, I still don’t think All Might will die. However, Izuku saving him (maybe with some classmates by his side) could be a very appropriate “I am here” moment. Also All Might can’t die cause I don’t want him to

Shinsou has the perfect open seat

Not a single classmate was removed from 1-A and Shinsou gets added in. Impecapble problem solving there. Izuku leaving so Shinsou can take his place is really a perfect move. Everyone in 1-A (soon to be 2-A) will still be center stage and now Shinsou will join them. Not to mention this could put all them at odds with Izuku who is know illegally using his provisional license without supervision. It will also be interesting to see Shinsou react if he learns that Izuku received his quirk from All Might. It depends on if he got a letter though. The bigger issue though is the fate of 1-A and the teachers in reaction to Izuku’s actions

Chapter 307 and the future

I feel like there’s a couple possibilities for chapter 307. We’ve entered a new arc with people living in the secured establishments like UA, citizens acting as vigilantes, villains going wild through Japan, AFO plotting to get OFA, and Izuku in need of a rescue from the track he’s on. So Chapter 307 here’s the possibilities from least likely to most likely: (1) We get another time skip? Really don’t think we’re doing this since 306 ends with a skip to April (2) We get a society chapter with a look at multiple perspectives like the villains, hero commission, etc. (3) We continue with Izuku’s point of view and his vigilantism (4) We get a flashback of Izuku visiting Gran Torino, getting the cape, and telling both All Might and Torino his future plans and intentions (5) We continue with reactions to Izuku leaving -the 1-A kids discuss and react to izuku. We see the fallout of Izuku dropping out and going AWOL on everyone but specifically on Inko, All Might, Todoroki, Aizawa, and Bakugou.

I listed them in order of who’s reaction I think will have the biggest impact on the chapter and story. Inko because uhhh we need to see her reacting to this and having some conflict with All Might who obviously can’t keep his promise of watching over Izuku if Izuku isn’t, ya know, a student at UA??? Also we don’t know if Izuku even confided in All Might about leaving UA. It’s possible All Might was given a letter too but it feels 50/50 since if All Might is in the loop we can devote a chapter to the other characters’ reactions. Now Todoroki obviously received a letter. He’s probably going to deal with the validation of knowing something was up with Izuku’s quirk and maybe feeling conflicted on dealing with Touya vs going after Izuku or even following in his footsteps. I can see Todoroki confronting Bakugou about this as well. As for Aizawa, I feel like his reaction will set the direction for the new arc. Aizawa’s sentiment in the last arc was that he has to live to watch over his students and see them graduate. Obviously Izuku dropping out opposes that so I can see Aizawa leading the squad to bring Izuku back or work towards opposing AFO and his plans so that Izuku can return. The main part of this squad? Probably Bakugou. Bakugou expressed the idea that Izuku needs to stop winning alone. He’s likely to be pissed and hopefully charging forward with class 1-A to bring Izuku back whether that’s by going after him or fighting the societal issues so Izuku can return. I feel like Ochako and Todoroki will also be in the spotlight with Bakugou.

Some Random Thoughts

Izuku dropping off and putting everything on his shoulders alone ties in well with Ochako’s character arc of wanting to be a hero to help other heroes.

There’s still the issue of the traitor. A part of me wonders if Shinsou may be used to figure out who the traitor is - whether they’re a student or teacher.

We also had the international heroes mentioned which feels very much like a setup. I still feel like a study/training abroad arc is coming (maybe even right now?? if we randomly find out Izuku isn’t in Japan but in America? I kinda doubt it though)

This really feels like a major shift in the story and essentially the start of the second act. Apparently Horikoshi made a comment that the story may be “ending sooner rather than later” in which I really up sooner is still much later. Things feel so promising right now I would hate to see the series end soon but then again as long as AFO-shigaraki has Ragdoll’s search quirk and a clear path to Izuku it really feels like we have nowhere to go except the end.

Though maybe the next main goal will be to take back Ragdoll’s quirk from AFO-shigaraki so that Izuku will be out of the hot seat

My final thought is when thinking about to Izuku’s words at the start of the series he says this is the story of how he became the greatest hero not the #1 hero. It could be Izuku reached that status as a teenager before even graduating by defeating AFO, stopping/saving shigaraki, and ridding the world of both the quirks of AFO and OFA. Thus Izuku’s career as a hero ends after the moment he became the greatest hero. Or he keeps OFA but only the strength and loses the other quirks and connection to the other users (which could include All Might if he becomes a causality).

But on that note - so technically my final final thought - we got the predecessors all laid out for us in those chairs. Maybe AFO-shigaraki will have multiple encounters with Izuku, but rather than Izuku losing all of OFA he loses one predecessor and their quirk? I don’t really think this will happen though. Just a random idea.

Okay this post has gone on long enough. I just needed to explode about this chapter cause wow.

#bnha 306 #bnha spoilers #mha #mha spoilers #izuku midoriya #sorry if there's grammar mistakes #I'm too lazy to read through this

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floating-in-the-blue · 3 years

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The lovely @tired-eyes-cold-as-ice tagged me in this. THANK YOU, SWEETIE!!! <3

1. Why did you choose your url?

So my Internet name has always been Yeoyou but when I made this blog, that wasn't available (rude) so I used the title of a Stargate Atlantis fanfic I was (more or less) writing at the time since it seemed to fit (yah know, tumblr + blue and stuff ;P). It took some getting used to being called by that url because I thought of it more as a sort of 'address' or Yeoyou is floating in the blue and blogging random stuff but now I've adopted it as a second Internet name :D

2. Side blogs

Yes: floating-fanart and writing-in-the-blue. But they're basically just dumping grounds for my fanart/fanfic so people who are interested in that but not the other stuff I blog and reblog can follow those accounts and are spared all the rest. So they're more archival than interactive ;D (I also have only minimal follower numbers there and 2/3 of these people follow my regular blog anyway so I'm grateful but also puzzled as why they follow those too?)

3. How long have you been on tumblr?

2012, baby! Fandom old, tumblr old, still here ...

4. Do you have queue tag?

I ... well, I have a queue and actually rarely reblog things straight away but I do not have a special q tag. Tbh, I don't quite get why people have it? Except for making glorious puns?

5. Why did you start your blog?

I was tired of saving every single screenshot and gif from Iron Man 2 I saw on that one person's blog and decided to just get a blog and collect them there instead ;D

6. Why did you choose your icon?

Because "floating in the blue" as the fanfic title came about by opening a random book and selecting a line (because I've always been bad about titles). The book was winnie-the-pooh and the line was part of his little cloud song he sings while hanging onto a blue balloon, trying to convince the bees he's not a bear out for honey but just a little blue cloud ;D

7. Why did your choose your header?

It's blue. Honestly, that's it. It was the only random blue image I could find on my computer.

8. Post with the most notes?

So, according to the jetblackcode Top 10 counter, out of the 43,880 posts on my blog, only 633 are original and the one with the most notes (1,337) is this photoshop edit I did of the lovely Phryne Fisher (Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries) in May 2017, which I still really like. Close second place, with 1,127 notes, is this fanart for Agent Carter from 2016.

Btw, the no 10 on my most popular posts has only 211 notes so you see, I'm definitely not a popular blog (#floating-in-obscurity) ;D

9. How many mutuals do you have?

50. But some of those haven't posted anything in the last 7 years so ... XD

But hey, shoutout to @diamondorloj who was my first mutual and who is still here with me and I love that! <3

10. How many followers do you have?

524. Most of which I assume inactive, actually. I tried to sort out the porn and spam bots so hopefully there aren't too many of those. But yeah, have been around since 2012 so ...

Funnily enough, I think I lost one follower or two over the blacklist thing and have gained about 23 since then XD

I don't know what you're all doing here but I appreciate you <3

11. How many people do you follow?

149. I'm actually very selective which is partly due to having a slight OCD need of 'catching up', i.e. going back to where I left off so I don't miss anything ... which is not really a good thing and stresses me out too often.

12. ever made a shitpost?

Depends on your definition?

13. How often do you use tumblr each day?

Too much, due to the aforementioned need to catch up. Since I'm currently working most days from home and don't have enough work to really keep me occupied, I do spend a lot of time here. That's gonna get interesting when I have to go back to the office every day. But I've found so many cool new people to talk recently, which also isn't helping me to stay away XD

14. Did you ever have fight/argument with other blog?

Well, some apparently have a problem with me but nope, I didn't engage so no actual fights and arguments.

15. How do you feel about "You need to reblog this" posts?

If I wanted to reblog it before, I usually don't reblog it when I see that, out of spite.

16. Do you like tag games?

YES! I love getting tagged in things because it means somebody thought of me???? How cool is that!!?!?! I may forget to do them but yes, please tag me in all the things! <3

17. Do you like ask games?

Too much. I try not to reblog too many because whenever I have time to do them and want to do them, people usually aren't logged in and then I'm frustrated. What do you mean other people have other things to do on the weekend?

And if people then reblog the thing from me and get sooo many asks? Different kind of frustration. I know I'm just an obscure blog but dammit, don't shove it in my face ;P

But yeah, if you ever asked me something from an ask game I posted, chances are I'm very fond of you now. If you replied to my answer, I'll defend you to the death!

18. Which of your tumblr friends/mutuals do you think is famous?

Do you mean tumblr famous or actual famous? The answer is probably neither because who knows? Unless Owen Patrick Joyner, alleged tumblerite, is somehow following me. In which case: have fun, sweetie, but don't put too much stuff on the Internet you might regret later, okay? Okay.

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

Platonic crushes and infatuations? Yeah, to some degree, but real crushes hardly ever happen to me anyway.

Low-pressure tagging: @merihn, @modernvintage, @elliebirdthings, @diamondorloj, @kbstories <3 (as always: feel free to ignore or intend to do later and forget)

#yeoyou #personal

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tanoraqui · 4 years

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AU: Hányǐng-jūn

(”Shadowbearing Lord”, translation by @lyratalus)

(see, this is my problem. I decide, “yes, damnit, I AM going to write this longfic!” and then 0.0003 seconds later I’m absolutely swarmed by other plot bunnies.)

anyway, Yiling Patriarch!Lan Wangji but, like...better

Lan Wangji gets out of seclusion and 3 days later takes a mostly sleeping Lan Yuan, a couple days' worth of provisions, and leaves for Yiling. Lan Xichen somehow catches him just outside of Cloud Recesses and LWJ freely admits that he's going to Yiling - the city, not the Burial Mounds themselves - and he's going to raise A-Yuan there and cleanse the Burial Mounds like Wei Wuxian was starting to do with the life he brought back to them

Lan Xichen lets him go, doesn't even bother to play the "shouldn't A-Yuan grow up somewhere healthier and wealthier" card, bc a) cheap shot, b) he knows Wangji has already thought of it (he's right), and c) this is doing NOTHING to convince him that his brother won't commit some sort of passive suicide if he doesn't get to keep that child. God damn, he thought they were over this phase of mourning but Apparently Not

so Lan Wangji gets a house in Yiling, has to deal with 50 tons of gossip - of a new variety; he's used to political gossip and "isn't he hot" gossip but wow he was not prepared for small town "ooh new hot single dad" gossip with a side order of random advice from elderly women about how to care for a six-year-old

(he is, in fact, very grateful for the advice)

(there is no way in hell that Lan Wangji knows how to be the sole provider for a six-year-old)

in the internal war between "do not let A-Yuan out of my sight" and "do not take the vulnerable child to the death mountain", I think the former wins, considering the small child already lived on the death mountain for about a year, and seemed fine except for malnutrition. Which was...well, yes it was a problem with the death mountain, but not directly. Lan Wangji has money and they live in town and commute to the Burial Mounds each day for LWJ to play Cleansing while A-Yuan runs around catching imaginary butterflies or practicing reading; it's fine

...though possibly the nosy grannies convince him to get a babysitter

and maybe to take a break?

oh no i would want so many OCs of just Lan Wangji's neighbors in this

anyway, it doesn't take long for it to become clear that even playing Cleansing all day every day is like being a bird scraping its beak once a millennia on a mountain. Sure it works, technically, but...not really. Frankly, the resentful energy grows back if he stops for a single day. And even Hanguang-jun only has so much power and endurance

he's going to have to handle the resentful energy himself. If he wants to do this, wants to leave some sort of positive legacy for Wei Wuxian, he's going to have to demonically cultivate himself. Siphon the stuff off, and do...something with it. It won't just vanish. Subdue corpses and monsters, probably? Go back to night-hunting?

I dunno how or how fast word gets out, but I guarantee you Jiang Cheng is the first person of note to hear about it and come furiously flying. The fight that follows is raw and possibly literally bloody, and 99.99% about Wei Wuxian (of course.) I think the only reason it stops is that even though they took it outside, A-Yuan wakes up (as does most of the neighborhood) and pokes his head out the window to ask what's going on, and Jiang Cheng puts two and two together with the kid he saw when he visited to disown Wei Wuxian and-

He can't quite bear to destroy something even halfway adjacent to family He wants Wei Wuxian to have a slightly good legacy, too He storms off.

the only reason he doesn't pass Lan Xichen in the air is that they aren't quite coming from the same direction. This night is becoming very long but Lan Wangji is happy to explain himself to his brother: the careful methods he's started to use, never very much resentful energy at once, and the careful checks he has on himself, meditation and Cleansing and purification rituals. Lan Xichen isn't happy, but he has to concede that it all seems sound, and the goal is certainly a righteous one, and...there are worse ways to mourn

so when an emergency sect leader cultivation conference is called, because the news that Hanguang-jun has not only moved to Yiling but started practicing demonic cultivation has spread like wildfire, Lan Xichen calmly stands forward and defends his brother, states that Lan Wangji is working on noble goals with careful precautions and the full support of GusuLan, he can confirm it himself as Sect Leader but of course any who wish are welcome to visit Yiling as well and judge Hanguang-jun's precautions for themselves.

I cannot put in words how close Jiang Cheng comes to punching him in the face

So that’s what happens: people visit, see what careful measures Lan Wangji has in place, and are convinc- ha ha lol no it’s politics. But it works out. i wish I could say that it's some sort of tie between who Jiang Cheng hates most: Wei Wuxian for everything, but particularly for not even bothering to try to make it safe like LWJ clearly is; Lan Wangji for thinking he can just get away with this shit; Lan Xichen for helping him do it; everyone else for going along with it when they couldn't give Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng and YunmengJiang a single shred of goodwill; or himself for not standing up for either Wei Wuxian (a la Lan Wangji, however post-mortem)/his brother (like LXC)

but we all know it's nowhere near a tie

so...Lan Wangji doesn't plan to teach Lan Yuan (he's still a Lan! They're both still Lans!) any sort of demonic cultivation, but no matter what he does there's still So Much Dangerous Stuff around here, and they have no backup nearby, and demonic cultivation is just so much easier for those without a well-developed golden core yet -

so he teaches him, you know, some basic chords to make a ghost or corpse go the fuck away

(to start)

UNFORTUNATELY I'm pretty sure the timing is such that the Yi City Affair happened mostly while LWJ was in seclusion? Or at least, the start of it, such that the finding of Xue Yang by the side of the road happened either shortly before or shortly after he got out (and, in this case, went to Yiling)

and they have no reason to visit Yiling, so...all that...plays out. as in canon

no reason to visit Yiling, that is, until Xue Yang is sitting on the floor of the coffin house clutching a bag containing the shards of Xiao Xingchen's soul and feeling something like remorse for the first time in his life and he HATES it, he hates it SO GODDAMN MUCH, he wants to burn everyone who contributed to this to the ground and then torment their ghosts for centuries

so, he might then visit Yiling and the man said to be some sort of inheritor of the Yiling Patriarch's power. He almost certainly tries to play nice and helpless, just a good young man who made bad choices and lost his friend, and Lan Wangji probably tries to give him the benefit of the doubt and...yeah that does not last long.

especially if A-Qing has anything to say mime about it

Xue Yang has a fierce corpse on call and the won't-stay-down attitude of a feral weasel on crack who hates you personally, but Lan Wangji has a the home court advantage, including extensive practice siphoning and applying power from the Burial Mounds, and he's fucking Hanguang-jun.

Result: Lan Sizhui gets a sad fierce corpse uncle and a cheerfully-refusing-to-pass-on ghost-jie

HARD CUT uh...10? Ish? Years later? Wei Wuxian aka Mo Xuanyu is quickly giving up the idea of subtle launching fierce corpses at this hand bc at this point it's either out himself or people die, and the latter is not acceptable. He's just about to whistle them in when a ghost whips in and probably saves someone's life by knocking them out of the way. One of the Lan babies shrieks and hides behind another one - but a third points excitedly to the sky and shouts, "Oh, it's Lan Sizhui! Sizhui, over here!"

and who should descend by sword but one Nice Young Man(TM) with a guqin that he plays while switching effortlessly back and forth between spiritual and resentful energy, which, damn, Wei Wuxian didn't even know that was an option. I mean, it wasn't, for him, but...damn! What a clever kid! Did someone teach him?!

oh yeah, imminent danger of death by angry left hand -

Wei Wuxian does have to openly intervene, or at least, obviously intervene by fierce corpse and shouting some instructions at the kids, and then letting this Sizhui kid take the credit for the fierce corpses and trying to book it but, uh...getting caught. By aforementioned Sizhui kid. Who is polite and formal and, Wei Wuxian points out, extremely un-GusuLan-like, what with the bothering him and also the demonic cultivation. There's probably still the ghost of a teenage girl following them and making rude gestures at Wei Wuxian for insulting her little brother

"That's because I'm from the Yiling branch," Lan Sizhui admits, a little shame-facedly except that it's definitely fake shame.

"Hmm?" says Wei Wuxian, like he knows what that means but is curious for more information (as opposed to have no goddamn idea what that means and desperately wanting more information)

"I, ah, study with Hanying-jun" says Lan Sizhui, who doesn't want to make a big deal out of his parentage.

"Hmm?" says Wei Wuxian, who is fucking Dying here "I thought I might escort you home with me, so you can get properly cleansed after manipulating those corpses. One must be careful, of course." He sighs in a slightly teenagerish way. "It'll take most of a day, probably, after that arm. I try to use only spiritual energy on night hunts, but that was...pretty bad."

Wei Wuxian, internally: okay, CONS: getting spiritually cleaned by Lans, even possibly Cool Lans - ugh, why are Lans always like this. PROS: finding out who the fuck this "Hanying-jun” is, bc...what the fuck. In Yiling? Is he stealing MY schtick?? And I can't just ASK, because clearly this kid expects me to recognize the title, which means Mo Xuanyu would probably recognize the title, and even a Lan who practices some sort of resentful energy manipulation isn't just going to be okay with suddenly meeting the Yiling Patriarch...And i can always run if I have to.

WWX: I mean...okay! I don't have anything else to do!

except they do detour to Dafan Mountain a little because Lan Sizhui wasn't raised quite Lan enough to beat out the rebellious teenager streak and he wants to fight a big monster, and Jiang Cheng nearly fucking draws Zidian on sight bc he really. Hates. The Yiling Lans. And then Lan Wangji shows up just bc he heard about a ruckus and figured it was a good place to find his son

and then goddess statue, Wen Ning, terrible bamboo flute...

it's definitely not 'til after Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng have started and maybe finished fighting before Wie Wuxian finds out that the mysterious bastard who totally stole his spot as Dark Lord of Yiling is Hanguang-jun

or, you know...different title now

apparently

and then LWJ takes him and orders him bathed and - wait actually if they've developed elaborate formal spiritual purification rituals to balance handing resentful energy, he. he probably does order Wei Wuxian bathed

and then brought to his room

oh wow

beautiful

AND THEN PLOT RESUMES AS NORMAL?!? except possibly several questions of romance and Lan Sizhui's history get cleared up much faster

also Lan Wangji - Hanying-jun - doesn’t have as peerless a reputation to trade on. Public opinion is probably fairly split between camps of, like, “he’s doing a good and noble thing, cleaning the Burial Mounds” vs. “the Lans say it’s okay so it must be, but wow that seems dangerous and/or useless” vs. “demonic cultivation is always eeeevil!” Among cultivators specifically, it’s more the first two, but...performatively more the first, genuinely more the second.

#mdzs #the untamed #lan wangji #lan sizhui #lan xichen #jiang cheng #wei wuxian

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academiadaisies · 3 years

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my struggles with studying

I don’t expect a lot of people to read this, and I’ll probably end up embarrassed to have typed this all up and posted it by tomorrow, but I think it’s important for me to get this out and away from myself.

I appreciate anyone who reads this, and welcome completely anyone who is/has been in a similar situation to me and wants to talk about it or has some tips. I don’t have a lot of people to talk to about it, I definitely feel like anyone I’m close to will not be a lot of help, and I don’t want to be a mental burden, with them knowing my problem, wanting to help, but not knowing what to do, and blah blah blah... Just know, anyone is completely welcome to reach out to me. I know a lot of people say that online, but I’m just a little cancer moon, cancer rising ;). I’ve got ears and struggles too. Sometimes things are difficult. :)) <3

School has always been my demise. I was basically a corpse just going class to class, making little contribution and writing down what the powerpoint said. I would zone out - not realising at all, come back to myself and suddenly the whole class was doing work, and I would have to swallow my pride, interrupt the person next to me and ask what we were supposed to do.

But my nights were wasted too. I guess I was never really taught to study, and everything I had tried for myself never seemed to work. But I didn’t try often. I remember coming home and turning on my computer to watch the next episodes of my show of the week, my mind in a dull and empty buzz, and next thing I knew it was midnight.

Growing up there was no schedule or routine. No one was really checking I had done my homework, no one checking I was showered or that I had brushed hair. There were no rules either. No specific screen time, no food rules, no bedtime. I know why, my mum was a very hard worker, having a daughter, a job, and university, and I am so grateful for her. She was busy. But it just meant I never knew much discipline. There was no structure, but I wasn’t forgotten. There was no food in the house, but there was money, and I - having no sense of diet - would spend more than was good for me on junk; a six pack of crisps a day, frozen pizza... and today that has never ended, it’s something of an addiction now. The lack of restraint and discipline is apparent everywhere in my life.

In school is where it is at it’s absolute worst. It’s not even an issue of my intelligence. The absolute last thing I want to come across as is conceited, but I did better than I deserved my first two years of high school exams having never studied for them, except maybe a bit of rereading and desperate attempts to memorise the night before. I passed everything, bar one, and sometimes with A’s.

But last year was inarguably my worst year ever, and it has bled into this year too. My attendance was below 50%, I came in maybe two or three days a week, sometimes only finally getting the motivation to show up in the afternoon, and even then I would hide away in pupil support classes, still not doing any work. My mum phoning me and screaming down the line as soon as she got the absent text. Me not knowing how to explain that I just couldn’t physically force myself to get up and ready. I started with 5 subjects and finished with 2, both of which I initially failed, but those grades were redacted because people argued the SQA were not grading fairly, basing grades on location instead of merit, and so I scraped by with two C’s. I absolutely would not have passed if not for the pandemic.

This year is hard to tell where I would be in a normal situation. I like to believe it was going to be so much better. The idea of leaving high school and entering college*. It was a fresh start. I was supposed to get my work done the day it was handed out, I was supposed to be more extroverted, and become a leader like I always wanted. But, of course, it’s all online. I think a major benefit of it is I don’t have much excuse not to be in class anymore. I can (and usually do) wake up minutes before the class starts, and do it all from bed, so if I was left to my own devices to get myself there and back, I’d bet my attendance has skyrocketed from what I it would have been. Though, my college is quite far, and I think my mum seeing to that I was on a bus, or even not in the house when she has to leave, would have been enough to ensure I was there too. If it was in person I would have no where to hide too. I wouldn’t get to have my camera off and play games during classes and not take notes, the lecturers would see. I’d have to take notes and I don’t usually do that. I wish I had. But then that just begs the question of would it be a repeat of high school? Would I be a corpse that goes through college classes blankly instead of high school ones? I really don’t know what to think. But today my college work is suffering. I have seven vital pieces of work long overdue, and I think the weight of all of them on my brain stops me from doing even one.

*If you’re not familiar with the system here, college is basically a stage after high school but below university in Scotland, that not everybody goes to. I’m not sure the school systems everywhere in the world but it’s not the equivalent of sixth form college in England, or what’s called college in the US, which would be university here. I’m sorry if this sounds dumb because there’s probably this everywhere in the world but I just want to clarify what stage I’m at exactly. I’m taking a HNC which is kind of the equivalent of first year university.

And so it leads me to believe I have ADD/ADHD. I really am not about to self diagnose. Although it might be enough for some, I often worry I’m a bit of a paranoid person, and that I like to jump to the most “extreme” conclusions, but I don’t think my livelihood makes it totally unlikely.

I find myself devoting my time and what motivation I have to things that just don’t matter. I’ve memorised maps of the US, Europe, Scotland and Ireland. I took up interests in religion and astrology, buying crystals as if they were coming to save me like all the TikToks say. I’ve taught myself bits of piano, British Sign Language, chess, Teeline shorthand and Morse code, just to give up. I even made it to 100 days on Duolingo learning Scottish Gaelic before I stopped that too. Engrossed in wide varieties of things that I’d love to be great at, abandoning it because I’ve decided I’m bored.

But the worst waste of my time is always spent on my phone. I am a huge advocate for downtime, not every single second has to be productive. But it’s never good to have a 12 hour daily screen time average.

I can never concentrate either. I can’t force myself to. As I write this I have an essay due I’ve had for a month, and I’m going to have to do it all tomorrow. I don’t understand why I can’t physically force myself to get it done. I always think, “why am I on TikTok when I have an essay due?” And I never really have a reason. Even my driving instructor told me to get tested because, especially nearing the end of the lessons, my attention starts to waver, and I find her having to change gears for me sometimes, and warning me to stop looking at whatever might pass by.

I have a little list of priorities in my mind too. I keep reminding myself that I have this essay and this assignment to do, but I also have ideas of starting a blog or reading a book. The school work is first in the list of priorities, I know it needs to be done first and so I take it to the extreme and can’t seem to do anything meaningful at all until it’s gone. Of course, it never is gone, I never do it, and I find myself scrolling social medias all day, a perfectly anodyne time waster. No substance and no thoughts.

But I’m a perfectionist too, with very little confidence. I can tell part of me puts it off because it needs to be as good as it possibly can be, and another part tells me I’ll start it later, I’ll feel better about it later. I have big ideas, that if only I could force myself to do, would be great, but the idea of it not being good enough only puts me off. I’d not do the work until it’s at the point where the excuse is “it’s only bad because I didn’t give myself enough time to do it,” because of the fear of the possibility “it’s bad because I’m bad at it.”

Part of my inability to really do anything I think also had to do with depression. ADD/ADHD makes my life chaos. My room is a mess, there is no organisation or structure in my day, there is no motivation to fix it, no understanding of how to fix it. I’m a very intuitive person, because I have to be. Any decision I make is unknown to me until it’s happening really. I can’t plan when I’m starting work, sometimes I just have to hope I get the motivation to open my laptop. I think depression feeds off the ADD/ADHD symptoms. My room is messy because I can’t be organised, then my mindset worsens because I have such a terrible, unlivable space with no motivation to do anything about it, and it just stays that way. I can’t concentrate long enough to do work, then my mindset worsens because it means I have work overdue, that will have bad consequences, people disappointed in me, and etc, etc. I’m sorry, I don’t think I’m articulating myself well here. I’m intuitive in decisions but I’m also an overthinker. Or maybe just more of a worrier. I don’t do the work and so, every time my phone pings I jump and check cautiously because I fear it’s my lecturer messaging me that I’m off the course. The depression really took a terrible toll on my life. I won’t get too into it but I can hardly talk to friends, find the motivation to shower, or even go outside. All I find myself doing is lying in bed staring at a screen. I don’t know what else I can really do about it.

And the worst part is, in my mind, I have myself convinced that it’s not even that bad. That it’ll be okay tomorrow, I’ll change tomorrow, as if I’m not long past the point of this just being a little off day.

But one thing I do I know is a symptom of ADD/ADHD, which consumes my whole mind, is my hyperfixation. I won’t go too deep but basically for just over a year it’s been an honestly unsubstantial book I read. Loved by many, but nothing special, in comparison. I’ve only read it maybe twice all the way through but it never leaves my mind. I relish in any and all fan works, stalking the ao3 works, refreshing the tumblr tag. I can just stand and jump and pace, while listening to one song on repeat, thinking about the characters in all kinds of scenarios for hours on end. I can imagine the main character as me in everything I do; as I pick up a book from my bookshelf, as I walk my dog, as I lay down at night. I constantly compare myself to him too, feeling bad that I’m not as similar or good. I hate it. I don’t know if I even like the book anymore, I don’t think it’s possible to tell, I’m just obsessed with it.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about it really. The NHS don’t diagnose ADHD in adults, and I’m only 18. I’ve been this way my whole life but no one ever paid much attention to it. When I told my mum I think I have depression, she laughed at me, then got really angry, saying I’m not depressed just lazy, before buying me flowers and telling me she was worried I was going to hurt myself. Now I feel like I can’t speak about anything serious like this rationally because she looks for every reason that there is no problem, and if there is it’s the worst possible case, and “oh I’ve been a terrible mum.”

I don’t understand my problem. I have big dreams and goals for my life, I know what I am doing now will never get me anywhere but still that knowledge is not enough to get me to do what I need to. I’ve even written this post over eight days, for all the distractions and lack of motivation I’ve had to finish it. It’s a never ending cycle, but I really hope having this out there now will spark something in me. I’m sure this will make someone feel better about their situation now too, and that’s totally okay! If it can help someone, right? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I’m sorry I probably brought up a lot of completely irrelevant stuff, and went into tangents at times, but I just wanted to stress how it all plays into each other. They’re all connected, which brings a lack of motivation and discipline to my life and my work. I just want to let it all go.

Again, I really don’t think many people will read this but anyone is completely welcome to message. If anyone has some tips for people who can just never concentrate, or also anyone who is in social sciencey type courses (psychology, sociology, politics esp) and has some tips for doing that too I’d be so grateful. :) <3 (also this is a repost because I tried posting last night but it wouldn’t go to the tag, hope it works this time)

#studyblr #study #studying #student

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kinetic-elaboration · 3 years

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February 8: Mountain Lion Mean Notes

Okay, so I was writing up notes on my Troped Western fic and then I clicked something and it all disappeared! I’m very upset and I hate the idea of starting again but like... I guess that’s what I gotta do :/

Mountain Lion Mean on AO3.

Written for @troped-fanfic-challenge

So as I said in my notes, I watched Hell or High Water on the Sunday the trope document opened and immediately became obsessed, and that was my main inspiration. I saw it and loved it and, like with most things I love, my first thought was how can I do this too?? I didn’t want to do a straight AU of it, because it’s just too good and I don’t want to mess with that kind of perfection, but I knew I wanted a similar mood. I also figured pretty early on that I would try to include a bank robbery.

For the first days after the trope doc opened, I mostly just gathered inspiration and tried to think Western thoughts. In addition to HOHW, my inspiration included:

The Western episode of Charmed

A Western Rock playlist I found on Spotify

This post of southwestern gothic aesthetics

“Ranch Girl” by Maile Meloy (also the inspiration for it is new moon and twilight, which, fun fact, was originally going to be a Western; I didn’t re-read the story but it’s been haunting me since I first read it c. 2001 and is probably a partial inspiration for everything I write)

William Faulkner (especially “A Rose for Emily” and A Light in August) for the “town POV” narration

Sigrid Undset for the floating third-person-POV

The wikipedia article on Westerns, for succinct summaries of the themes of Westerns

The original aesthetic, quoted from my notes: “The vastness of the west, the frontier, a little uncivilized, a little dangerous, tough looking men who don’t talk much, extrajudicial justice, the heat and the desert…“

By the time I sat down to brainstorm, I had a few ideas and a few images already in mind. I wanted to include a bank robbery. I liked the idea of Clarke as a gunslinger and/or purveyor of vigilante justice. I thought I might use Gina as a bartender (this was during the half-moment I thought I might write a Bartender Mechanic fic; obviously neither of these things happened). And I liked the idea of including Murphy as some kinda criminal or unsavory type. The image of Bellamy as a taciturn cowboy came fairly early too.

I was a little uncertain at first if I wanted to do an 1800s western or a neo-western, mostly because I felt like the tropes I was attracted to and the images in my head fit better in the 1800s. But ultimately I settled on neo-western pretty fast, because I thought the imagery and themes would work better in the modern day. Plus I just thought it would be easier tbqh.

My first concern was to not just re-write a shittier HOHW. I was really caught up in the logistics of the bank robbery; including too much of that would necessarily make it a copy of the film, so I tried to keep just the bare bones of the robbery + the general justification (saving the family land). Then I added additional portions of the scheme--not too difficult since I knew I wanted Gunslinger/Vigilante Clarke in there, and I needed some way to show that she takes Justice into her own hands--and additional characters. Again, most notably Clarke, but also Raven and Octavia. The characters have their own backgrounds, personalities, relationships, and motivations, all of which make the story more mine imo. I’m satisfied with the balance of Obvious HOHW Influences and original content.

At some point, I described it to my mom as “Bellamy is Toby, Murphy is Tanner, and Clarke is canon Clarke but in the modern West.” Which I still think is accurate.

Including Clarke, though, and privileging the various relationships among the trio of Bellamy, Clarke, and Murphy, made me feel like I was making an it is new moon and twilight knock off except with Clarke for Raven. I still kind of see it, tbh, in the sense that twilight was itself supposed to be a western--I think it would be fair to say that Mountain Lion Mean IS the fic I set out to write in February 2020--and in the sense that I could have written a different story in the same universe as Mountain Lion Mean that explored the Clarke, Murphy, and Bellamy relationships in a way that is similar to twilight. As is, a lot of that is unsaid and unseen. The two fics have different focuses, so it’s probably only apparent to me just how similar they are. Just like, to me, Mad Women and The Wanheda Tape are the same story even though they have very different aesthetics and plots.

Some excerpts from my notes that I think are fun:

I really want to work with the themes (haha themes) of frontier justice and also the sense that the west is infinite but also small, that nature is hard and impossible to wrangle but that the opportunities are narrow and it’s easy to get trapped in it, the melancholy nature of it, the dichotomy of nature (huge, powerful) versus man (small, struggling against nature and against man). Or some such. Or Murphy just robs banks.

Bellamy owns a struggling ranch. Clarke is a gunslinger (don’t really know if I can use this trope in the current day but possibly?) who doesn’t trust the law. Has a conceal[ed]-carry permit. Is the best shot in three counties. Murphy’s been in and out of prison most of his adult life, mostly for crimes like robbery and assault.

How do they know each other? Possibilities: Murphy knows Bellamy through Octavia (idk why…but I do feel like O should appear, riding a horse) (background Octaven? Just a thought), Bellarke are exes, Murphy used to work on the ranch. Clarke has killed someone (someone Bad) and gotten away with it.

I do like the focus being on these three characters, who have a long history but aren’t currently close, coming together for a mission (to rob a bank) for the benefit of one who is struggling (Bellamy) even thought this is an awful lot like both Hell or High Water and it is new moon and twilight lmao.

I like that mood from HOHW where actually Toby was the most dangerous, and the smartest, and he won—the idea that Bellamy is the taciturn cowboy who’s not good at sharing his feelings but he’s also the mastermind in the end. Is that the twist? You get the impression Vigilante Gunslinger Griffin and Actual Ex-Con Murphy are planning something, but then it turns out to be Bellamy who executes the plan? [Not quite how it turned out lol in that I think it’s decently obvious that Bellamy was a major part of it the whole time but I did try to get some of this in with Octavia in the final scene--to really drive home Bellamy’s importance, as the ring leader, since otherwise one could ask, what does he even do?]

Midway through the planning process I came up with some more images to work from:

B and C out at dusk on the ranch, she’s shooting can, a bit of UST perhaps

M shows up at the bar and there’s an awkward silent entrance—perhaps he’s just out of prison

Murphy or Clarke guns akimbo [I picked Clarke to emphasize that she’s the gunslinger, but I had Murphy shoot out the security cameras to show that they were using his robbery experience]

Bellamy being silent and awkward

At this point, it was just about putting all the pieces together. That’s how I tend to plan Troped fics: I lay out all the pieces I need or want to include and then I figure out the shortest and most efficient distances between them. For example, I knew I needed a bank robbery and for Clarke to administer some vigilante justice--so I use that justice as a way to launder the money. They fake a will for her victim and “give” the money to themselves.

I did worry, and still worry, about the timeline re: the Bellarke marriage and the will because I’m quite sure it doesn’t make sense and doesn’t work. But it also... it doesn’t keep me up at night because the whole point is that it’s a scam!! Worrying about legality in a scam is sorta... lol. What I mean specifically is that I wanted it to be clear that Clarke does not kill Kane FOR this scheme. They use something she already did to their advantage. So she and Bellamy can’t be married at the time Kane is killed. That implies the murder was pre-meditated for the bank robbing purpose. But I’m also fairly sure (and I should know this because I took T&E but like...honestly can’t remember) that the people in the will are counted at the time of death, not the time of probate, or you could like... adopt extra kids or marry or divorce someone to affect the will. Plus all that stuff about simultaneous death etc. etc. Also, on a practical level, if Clarke wasn’t married, Kane wouldn’t have an obvious reason to write her spouse into the will. But I get away with this in my head by saying, first, no one’s going to say the husband that’s standing right there doesn’t count as a husband--the law is the law but it’s implemented by people and they fudge corners all the time. They do what seems to make sense even if you’d lose points for it on a law school exam. And second, the will could have been written with the assumption or hope that Clare would marry. Possibly even, though I don’t say this in the fic exactly, on the condition of marriage--Clarke gets 100% to share 50-50 with her husband if she’s married, 0% if she’s not. Doesn’t really matter. It’s supposed to read as outwardly clever and create Mystery and play with the Exes Aesthetic even if it doesn’t hold up the strictest scrutiny. (JDs don’t @ me.)

I justified including the marriage as a necessity because Kane could possibly leave money to Clarke’s husband but he wouldn’t leave money to some rando. I do stand by that part.

I also decided at some point that I wanted to include Background Octaven but be really subtle about it so it was something else the reader would have to piece together: that Raven has a girlfriend, then that Octavia has a girlfriend but, hey, isn’t Raven a bartender?--and then it comes together in the last scene as we see that their relationship was factored into Bellamy’s plan all along: some of the loot goes directly to Octavia and her partner, officially as payment for Raven’s services, unofficially because Bellamy wants to give O a gift. Anyway. Either it was too obvious or too subtle/boring because no one mentioned it but I thought it was cool lol.

At this point in my planning I basically had everything I needed, so I wrote a quick outline of scenes, as I always do, to see how it would flow scene to scene and if I had a place to put all the necessary plot info. I also ended up doing “what I need from this scene” lists for each scene so that I knew what I had to have on my mind to include before I sat down to write each one.

The actual writing was done over 3 days and fairly easily and quickly. I had a lot of fun not just with planning but with the actual process of creation. I think it’s because I was just honestly excited to be in this universe and play with this aesthetic.

Not to blow my own horn here but some parts that I was particularly pleased with were:

“Arkadia hasn’t seen a drop of rain in thirty-two days. The asphalt on the highway shimmers with heat; the air crackles with heat; the heat rises, stifling and strong, from the parched dirt and the cracks in the pavement.” Like I’m sorry but that’s a good image, I like that a lot. Whenever I felt discouraged, I just read that again and felt better.

The description of past Bellarke because boy howdy do I not care to write romance anymore but that was fun. I thought it was hot.

Transitioning Murphy laughing until the coyotes can hear into Bellamy hearing coyotes at night into Bellamy still hearing them during the day. I don’t know if it worked quite like I wanted to but in my head that is a very Cinematic transition, okay? I also like that even though Clarke and Murphy aren’t literally riding off together in that scene, for the reader, they are leaving the narrative never to be seen again. So they get their Dramatic Exit.

Octavia’s explication of the Theme and Bellamy’s possible motivations. I’m pretty proud of myself for actually having a theme and I think I did a good job of explaining it without being too heavy-handed. I also think it was perhaps risky to end with the POV of Octavia, a character who’s barely been in the fic before the last scene, but ultimately that decision felt right to me and I think it had a good flow, a nice mellow exit from the narrative.

What I didn’t like as much was a lot of the first scene. I think it has some great bits but it was the most re-worked part of the fic, and there are still some paragraphs and phrases that I feel are a little stiff. For example, this is a paragraph that I cut entirely:

Diyoza was sure the Griffin daughter did the deed back in January and she's sure about it still. She even gives a quote to the Sun-Times about it, despite her troubles with Green. But she had no proof then, not even a body to justify a murder charge, and she has little proof now. So no one believes the investigation will come to anything.

As you can see, it gives no new information. There were other sentences and phrases that weren’t doing work but were interrupting the flow, which also got cut, but I’m still not sure that the flow is perfect in the final version.

Also displeased that I edited out a * from the version on AO3, thus letting two scenes run together. How embarrassing!!! It’s fixed now though.

Overall though I’m so pleased! I love this fic and I love that I can love things again. This year has already been so hard, just like being battered again and again by waves of a storm, and it’s only 5 weeks in but this experience was so unabashedly good and I’m so grateful for it.

#the year 2021 #2021: writing bts #mountain lion mean #troped

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the-last-airbadger · 3 years

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My 2020

Hey y’all. So 2020 happened. That was a thing. Apparently. I know for a lot of people this year was uhm… pretty shit… but it was still a year that happened so it’s time for my annual reflection post (probably the only time I still post about myself on tumblr lol) and maybe we might even find some good things that happened this year!

The Beginning of 2020 vs Now

So, a lot has changed since the start of the year. A pandemic happened, for one. I can’t believe that a year ago I could still go to class every day and see my friends and now I’m pretty much stuck at home every day. The year started out pretty normal and then march happened and well, you all know what happened next. The worst part about the pandemic for me personally was probably the fact that I barely see my friends anymore and I can’t go to class every day. Some people may not think that not going to class is that bad, but I really enjoyed university more than I ever enjoyed school and I was really happy going there every day, and I was already sad I’d only have 4 to 5 years to spend there, so when that period got even shorter it made me kinda sad.

On the other hand, I do think that mentally I’m in a much better place than I was last year around this time. Being home this much really gave me time to reflect and work on my issues, and because my sister was stuck in our house for a couple of weeks I got to talk to her a lot which really helped me feel better. I think in general my entire family (my brother, sister and mom) have become a lot more open with each other which I think is great! I guess quarantine can have some benefits.

The Best Things about 2020

Okay, here’s is where we’re going to get even more positive and go over all the good things that happened (to me) this year! To be honest, most of the year was a bit of a blur so I probably will forget quite a bit, but I’m going to give this a try anyway. At the start of the year (when things were still normal) I was super excited to get into the next semester, as the one before had,,, kinda sucked, and those 6 weeks of class I had at the start of the year were really great. I remember me and my friends having a competition of who could get mentioned the most in our teacher’s powerpoint presentation so those classes were always interesting. I also finally got to dye my hair for the first time with the help of my friends. I’ve been wanting to do that for so long, and I’m so happy I finally got to do it! I even know how to do it myself now, and my hair hasn’t been brown since the start of march! Then, at the start of march, my dad and stepmother moved away and I permanently moved in with my mom. Before, I used to live with both my mom and my dad and I got really really sick of switching houses every week, so to finally live in one house and have all my stuff in one place was a bit of a relief to me, and I’m still really happy with it. After that, things become a bit blurry. I remember that at the start of quarantine in … April? I watched Sex Education or the first time, which is now not only one of my favourite shows ever, but also taught me a lot and helped me with some of the issues I was dealing with. We’ll skip over the subsequent sexuality crisis I had (I think I might actually be straight??), and skip straight to the summer, when I started watching I-Land. I watched every episode as it aired live, and because of this show my Fridays really became the highlight of the week. I don’t think I’ve ever been so invested in a survival show XD. The rest of the year was mostly just me spending time with myself. It got a bit lonely sometimes, but I also don’t think I’ve ever written as much as I have this year, and my drawing has significantly improved (if I may say so myself)! Especially towards the end of the year, when I started making a planning every day to prevent myself from wasting away all my time on youtube, I got super productive, and I wrote a lot, and made a lot of art, and I really felt good. I even started (gasp) working out. Yeah I know. Shocking right.

There was also a lot of good music that was released this year, and, to close this section on a great note, through one of my classes I finally found a group of friends to play D&D with! We haven’t actually played yet, but we will, and I’m so excited to play the game and get to know these people more! They all seem really kind!

My Resolutions for 2020?

Now, here’s the part where we check whether I actually reached all the goals I set myself for 2020. As usual, I have no idea what my resolutions were, so I honestly have no idea how I did. Let’s see, shall we?

Express my feelings more (as in I get really awkward in any sappy or mushy situation but I would like to be able to tell people I appreciate them without cringing) – UHM way to attack me on the very first resolution jeez. I did get more open with my family but I still can’t tell people I care about them without cringing so this is a fail lol

Again, learn to depend less on other people’s opinion and trust my own – I’ve been working on it, I think I’ve gotten a bit better? So win?

Get my sleeping schedule back on track – did that! It’s a bit whacky again now because of the holidays, but October and November were a big success regarding this resolution

WRITE MORE. This time I’ll make some concrete goals: Either I’ll get my story’s first draft done, or I’ll write 100 pages on a single project – okay, so here’s the thing. I don’t think I did any of these particular things, however this time I am 100% sure I wrote a lot more than the past years. I cannot count all the files and pages and notes I have now, but I wrote a lot, so I’m counting this as a win

I want to try NaNoWriMo (not necessarily in November, but at some point) – yeah, didn’t do that oops

I want to read a lot again but maybe not as much as this year because I want to focus on writing too. 40 books? – 49 books babey

Read all my current unread books (Aru Shah 2, Skullduggery Pleasant 9, Gemina, The Mistborn Trilogy and Call Down The Hawk) and finish my reread of Heroes of Olympus and the Raven Cycle) – Did all of these except Skullduggery Pleasant 9 (the start was so boring I decided not to read it all) and The Mistborn Trilogy (I am about halfway through the first book I think?) so I’m counting this as half a win

Finally read a book by V.E. Schwab (I’ve been wanting to try one of her books for ages) – Did that! Read a whole trilogy. It was good but not as great as I expected them to be. I think my expectations were too high though

Finish Playing Twilight Princess (I promised my brother) – Did that! I’m really proud of myself and so is my brother

Go. Swimming. Seriously. It’s scandalous that I still haven’t done that after waiting so long to be able to – IT’S BEEN 5 YEARS SINCE I LAST WENT SWIMMING WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. I did buy new swimshorts but I still haven’t actually used them… shame on me

Try to worry less about school and not overwork myself – kinda?

Maybe try another drawing challenge somewhere this summer? I haven’t done any of those in a while and I feel like my art needs more attention – okay, so I didn’t do that, but I did at the start of the year make the resolution to make portrait/photoshoot-like drawings for my 8 main oc’s, and I did actually manage to finish that, and they are some of the best drawings I’ve ever made, so though I haven’t actually done a challenge specifically, I did do something

I want to try a 24 hour readathon – Yeah, didn’t do that oops

I kinda want to learn a piano piece as well, but I already have so many hobbies I want to focus on so I don’t know if I’ll have the time ☹ – yeah my dad sold our piano so… fail XD

Expectations for 2021

Now, after last year I think it’s safe to say we can never really know what to expect. But! I’m going to guess anyway because it’ll be really fun to see next year whether I got anything right.

The first thing that I think will probably happen this year (if I don’t majorly mess anything up) is I’ll be writing my thesis next semester, and then in the summer I’ll get my bachelor’s degree. Honestly I can’t believe how fricking fast those 3 years went, but I guess I’ll just have to roll with it lol. Corona vaccinations will also probably start happening next year, and hopefully this will mean that going outside and seeing my friends will be possible again next year – at least a lot more than it was this year. I hope 2021 will be the year of hanging out with friends and getting to live a little again. Maybe even get to go to class. That would be great.

On to more minor – but no less exciting – things, 2021 will probably bring us a new season of Sex Education! I’m sooo excited for that holy shit. And, in a similar vein, I have high hopes for kpop releases now that SHINee is finally back, and it looks like Haseul is also returning to LOONA! 2021 will also be the year in which ENHYPEN makes their first comeback, and some of the other I-LAND contestants will also make their debut, and there might even be a new season of I-LAND as well in the summer? So there’s a lot of things to look forward to. Oh, and I almost forgot, Dan Howell’s book will be released in May, and there will be a new Grishaverse book, and the Shadow and Bone show will start airing, which I am really curious about. Again, lots of things to look forward to!

2021 Resolutions

I’m not feeling as ambitious as I was last year, but there are a couple of things I want to try and do, so let’s jump into the resolutions!

I just came up with this today, but I think I want to try and build a bit of a skincare routine? The skin on my nose is kinda flakey, and I think it couldn’t hurt to try and take better care of my skin

Keep up with my daily workouts. I want to work out every day, except when I’m at my dad’s or when it’s a special day, like Christmas or something.

Be able to do either 50 push-ups on my knees, 25 normal push-ups, or both

GO SWIMMING

Keep up with planning daily! It’s a really good way to balance all of my 3195 hobbies and it helps me to not get stressed about school

Write (almost) every day. I need to make it a habit

Draw at least once a week, every other day if possible

Go outside at least once a week. That doesn’t seem very hard but with corona I did not realise how little I go outside if I am not forced to. Sometimes I spend 3 weeks without going out and I don’t even notice it. That can’t be good for me lol

Try to make healthier food choices. Maybe follow the lunch meal plan of the guy whose workout videos I follow.

Get my bachelor’s degree

Grow a beard. I’m getting closer… I know I’m getting closer…

Meet with my frIENDS and give them the alBUMS I have for them

Be more careful with my money, maybe even save a bit of money

Spend less time on social media

Read more educational books

I think that’s it! I can’t think of anything else right now so these will have to do. I wish that 2021 will treat all of you much better than whatever mess 2020 was! Happy 2021!

Last year’s post: (x)

@the-official-pentacorn @asiandutchgirl

#personal #my 2020 #this year was a wild ride #here's to a better 2021

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god-save-the-keen · 4 years

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Coffee and Music

Book: HSS / HSS CA

Pairing: Aiden Zhou x MC (Jordan)

Words: 1.468

Warning: None, pure fluff

Prompets: @srta-give-me-my-jax-rl send me #15 #18 #26 #49 #50 #69 #76 from this list! It's my first time writing Aiden (and he is not my li) so I hope this turn out okay!

Permanent tag list: @gardeningourmet @client-327 @desiree---1986 @dawn-1994 @violinet @darley1101 @blackcatkita @flyawayboo @drakewalker04

Note: My fucking computer died, so be patient with me and the long post's for a while. As always, don't doubt to make your request!

'It's impossible for to get any worse' Aiden thought as he furrowed his brows, staring as Bailey and Ajay talk with Mr. and Mrs. Crandall. They had worked so hard in the play, he wrote the music for it, and now they were just taking it out. Skye had told them about this indignant change a few days ago but to hear her parents compare one of Shakespeare's masterpieces with American Most Eligible, a basic reality show, was not only outrageous but also more than he could handle. However they needed the Crandalls to go to London, even when they were killing the play with their nonsense changes.

"Remember the musical number that was here was cut. So just… speak your lines over the song." He said, trying to sound normal and help Rory and Bailey in their next reading. The music, beautifully soft, started to play in the background as Aiden watched the young couple's performance, his face hardened, anger inside him. A smaller hand took his as Jordan rested her head on his shoulder, watching by the stage.

"What you wrote is amazing, you know that right?" She whispered near to his ear. "It's beautiful, Aiden."

"Thanks Jordan." He squeezed her hand. "Apparently the Crandall's don't agree with us." He remarked low, softly leaning his head on top of hers, his voice full of disappointment.

"Screw them, you are amazing and the most talented person I know. They are just ruining everything, including their own daughter." He felt the sadness and concern in her voice as they observed Skye, distracted and looking depressed.

"I know what you mean….If we could only regain the control of the play. They are using us like their toys." Mrs Crandall was now criticising Bailey's performance even though she did it pretty well.

"Are you busy after this?" Jordan asked as she took her magic cane, ready to go on stage.

"Not really." He saw her smiling. "What's on you mind?"

"Well, it's been a while since our last proper date and I wanted to try a new coffee store that opened in downtown, wanna go?"

"I'd love to" She kissed his cheek and went to the stage, saying her lines flawlessly. The rest of the rehearsal was stressful and frustrating for all of them, Skye's parents complained about everything and demanded even more ridiculous modifications, destroying the heart of the play. When they finally left the building, the room stood in silence momentarily before people started to talk in a concerned tone about everything that had happened.

Aiden waited for Jordan outside of the changing room and headed together to her car, hand in hand. She drove and parked in front of a place called 'Do Re Mi Coffee'

"I know the name sounds like one of the worst joke puns from my dad but it's pretty good inside" She said smiling at him as they went to the front and he opened the door for her. The coffee shop was totally inspired by music, one of the walls was painted as music sheets with the notes of 'Love without hope' from Beethoven, a beautiful piano in one corner and different instruments and photos of singers, writers and musicians all around the place.

"This places is incredible! How did you find it?" He asked as they chose one of the tables with comfy couches and soft lighting.

"My dad showed it to me the other day, he said it was the perfect place for a date for us." She smiled with her cheeks a little pinker. "Some nights they have live music and the people can use the piano whenever they like." A waitress took their orders and they started to chat as they relaxed on the couch, Aiden took her hand, tracing soft circles on her skin.

"Hey… you look tired, are you okay?" She questioned, sightly furrowing her brows, observing his face. He smiled sweetly at her before planting a small kiss on the side of her head.

"I'm fine, it's just between the play, the Crandells and the band, we are dealing with a lot of things."

She leaned against the pillow of the couch, sighing. "Tell me about it… To be honest, you're the one thing keeping me sane right now."

"The feeling is mutual" She chuckled quietly. In that moment the waitress returned, she was just a few years older than them and smiled at the young couple.

"I'm sorry for the intrusion, but you two look adorable together, are you dating?"

"Thank you. She is my girlfriend" Aiden said with pride all over his face, even though his cheeks were a little red and Jordan smiled brightly and happy. The girl put their drinks on the table and with one last smile left them alone.

"That was kind of hot. I love when you call me your girlfriend."

"You do?" He asked shyly.

"I do" She planted a peck on his lips and took her frappuccino. He observed her for a moment, one of her hands still in his as the other held the cup, she looked tired but more relaxed than in the rehearsal. She was right, it had been a while since their last date and he had been missing these salone moments with her more than he had realized.

"This was a wonderful idea, Jordan." He gave her hand a squeeze. "I just really miss talking with you. The two of us alone."

"Me too. When I'm with you, I'm home." She rested her head on his shoulder, sighing content.

His eyes drifted to the piano once more, thoughtful, remembering the last song he had written for the play that he hadn't had the chance to show to the crew so far. He took a sip of his tea, continuing chatting with Jordan as his kept going back to the piano.

"Did I tell you that customers can use the piano whenever they want? Cause you can play something if you want to." A knowing smile on her face.

"You sure?" His attention was focused on her but now that he knew this song wouldn't be used in the play, this seems to be a good place and moment to share it. Especially with her.

She nodded before answering, a sweet smile on her face. "Of course! And also I love hearing you play. You know that."

He stood up and went to the piano as Jordan observed him from their table, his fingers touched the keys softly as he sat. He noticed a few curious looks but he didn't care, as always when he played, he blocked out everything except the instrument in front of him… And her. His fingers started to dance expertly with the keys as the music filled the coffee shop and the chatting around him decreased, in just a few seconds the place was quiet and the only sound was his melody in the air. When his eyes connected with hers for a moment in the middle of his performance, all he could see was love and pride, like he was Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart himself. When he finished his song, the people started to enthusiastically clap, some of them with their phones recording him making his eyes wider and his cheeks a little darker. He did a 'thank you' gesture and returned to Jordan, she smiled big and hugged him tightly.

"That was amazing!" She exclaimed before kissing him softly.

"Thanks, Jo. I just…"

"What?"

"When I was writing this song I was thinking about you, you inspired me." A tiny smile quirked on his face as he cheeks turned a bit red. "I just wish it was easier for me to do a grant gesture" He frowned, like he was mad at himself.

"But you did it." She pointed out, taking his hand and lacing their fingers together. "And beyond that, I wouldn't change a thing about you"

He sighed happily and pressed his forehead against hers. "Really? Not even my shyness?"

"Especially your shyness" He chuckled smiling at her as her hand cupped his cheek. "Be you. No one else can."

"I love you, Jordan"

"I love you too, Aiden" They kissed slow and deep, her hand on his nape as his held her waist. "You know, I can help you to overcome your shyness."

"How?"

"Take off your shirt" She said winking at him, smiling a little mischievously.

"What? Here? No!" Jordan laughed as she leaned her back on his chest, after a moment of hesitation, he rounded her waist and belly with his arm and his lips leave a sweet kiss on her temple.

"I was joking, but worth the try"

They stood like that, holding each other close, peacefully drinking their orders and chatting, enjoying their little bubble of happiness.

❣️

#aiden zhou #aiden x mc #choices hss ca #hss ca #hss #high school story: class act #high school story #choices aiden #rory silva x mc #rory x mc #choices fanfic request #request

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gottagobuycheese · 4 years

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Tag Thingy

Thanks @silent--sonata for indulging my terrible sleeping habits XD

(fyi this will probably be unnecessarily long and rambly, so it’s going under a cut (EDIT: whelp the song list got a little out of hand, I’d apologize if I were even remotely sorry))

Rules: Answer 17 questions & tag 17 people you want to get to know better

Nickname: Cheese (or Lactose Wedge, or Dairy Product of Unspecified Origin and Purpose)

Zodiac Sign: Gemini!

Height: 160.5 cm/5′3″ (Bubbles I refuse to believe you’re actually that much taller than me)

Hogwarts house: Somewhere between Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff allegedly, both of which I’d be honored to get sorted into, but honestly I’d just be stoked to get sorted at all

Last thing I googled: I think it was something along the lines of “how to speed up audio playback in GarageBand,” but but my train of thought was derailed before I actually looked at any of the results so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (and on a related note, thanks again for the magical audio editing @imperiousheiress!)

Song stuck in my head: The end credits to Legacy of the Wizard (which is SUCH a jam, thank you for enlightening me @jessicafish) Following and followers: 227 (goodness just looking at that number is stress-inducing) and...104?! When the HECK did you all get here??? I think just last summer I was happily floating about in the 50′s. Anyways, to anyone I have not said hello, hello! Hope you enjoy your stay, and I am sincerely sorry if you expected Quality Original Content, or even just regularly scheduled other people’s content. Sadly, neither of these things tend to happen here.

Amount I sleep: During the school year it’s usually anywhere between 30 minutes and 6 hours (DON’T EVEN START BUBBLES YOU HAVE NO RIGHT), usually landing in the 3/4 hour ranges if I’m smart about it, but now that I am on Unofficial Break, it’s usually at least around 6 hours (except today was 3 because Avatar is an excellent show and the weirdos in this house have regularly scheduled breakfast at 9-something every morning). Sadly my sleep schedule can only be forced to tolerate normalcy for so long before careening back in the other direction, so we’ll see if this is just a blip or if we’re back to normal mid-Atlantic Ocean hours!

Lucky number(s): I wouldn’t say these are necessarily favorite numbers, but I do like 2 and 9. But come to think of it, second attempts at Official Things do tend to go better for me than first attempts, so maybe there’s some merit there after all! Dream Job: Don’t think I’m really cut out for dreaming anymore, haha (unless you are a theoretical future employer in which case I am Extremely Full of Ambition and Passion). The bed-adjacent metaphor has been made, and not to brag, but I can sleep on pretty much any surface. Currently studying my Not Favorite aspect of STEM (was there ever a favorite or did I just like being good at things sometimes) and learning how to People™ properly (and also learning a gazillion convoluted drug names like what the heck dude, did you just fall asleep on your typewriter coming up with these), so I’ll take whatever place hires me and pays me enough not to depend on my parents for everything, I suppose. In an ideal world, that would entail a job where I could make friends, and even more importantly, a job where my shortcomings would not cause Massive and Irreparable Harm, but I don’t think this line of work really meshes with that last one, so I guess I’ll either have to get my shit together™ extremely soon or fake my death, adopt an alias, and flee to a completely new place with no ties whatsoever before trying to get another, less high stakes job.

(Though I guess, less cynically, I like helping people well enough? And stories are fun! Maybe there could’ve been something with that. Not that there still can’t be, mind, but there’s still a long way to go between Here and There)

Wearing: Black shorts. Navy t-shirt. Brown some-specific-kind-of-jacket-I-forgot-the-name-of jacket. Is it summer? Is it fall? Am I in middle school? Who can say, but they are COMFY so sadly I have no cares to give

Favourite song(s): way way WAY too many to list here, and I do not have them all organized in a handy playlist separately, but to name a few (and these are not necessarily the MOST favorite okay, it doesn’t mean I don’t love stuff not on this list, it means you can’t force me to pick between my children and I am going to find at least one quick thing from a few things I like before I need to hit post and go back to looking like I’m being studious, and also things I think you should listen to right now, but for everything I’ve linked assuming I mean the whole OST), here’s a spam of links in no particular order:

LoZ Wind Waker - The Great Sea (aka the epitome of optimism)

Undertale - NGAHHH!! (I was about to link more but then I realized it’d be the whole soundtrack lol)

LoZ Breath of the Wild - Hateno Village (Night)

A:tLA - Peace (bad call BAD CALL NOW I HAVE EMOTIONS)

Legend of Korra - Final Scene/Ending Theme (MISTAKES WERE MADE MISTAKES WERE MADE)

Kung Fu Panda - Oogway Ascends (I feel like I’m taking you on a whole little album journey now XD)

PMD: Explorers of Sky - Dialga’s Fight to the Finish (aka the Gotta Shower Fast song)

Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Pursuit ~ Cornered (aka the HURRY UP AND PACK UR SHIT YOUR FLIGHT LEAVES IN THREE HOURS song)

Apollo Justice: A New Trial Is In Session (very underrated soundtrack imo) and also Apollo Justice: Telling the Truth (because these two are very closely associated in my head and it’s getting harder and harder to narrow things down so maybe I should stop lol)

Your Name: Katawaredoki (in which I am forcibly thrown heart first into the bedroom of my second apartment at approximately 12-something A.M.)

Digimon Adventure 01: Butterfly (MASSIVE 90′s childhood anime feels, and also Last Summer Before Everything Went to Shit feels (on a general scale I mean, not personal))

Pokémon: Lugia’s Song multitrack cover by Jordan Moore (would that I could have a talent of that musical talent)

Pokémon the First Movie: Tears of Life (great now I’m on a Pokémon music spiral GUESS IT’S CHILDHOOD NOSTALGIA HOURS NOW)

PMD: Blue Rescue Team - Farewell and Run Away/Fugitives (you CANNOT make me choose between these guys okay, my brain WILL explode, and whoops now I want to link the whole ost)

Palette by A Dear Friend (wink wonk)

Pokémon: Alpha Sapphire - Fortree City (wow talk about mood whiplash)

Detective Conan: Main Theme (I can’t find the specific version since there are so many, but it’s a Good Theme)

Super Smash Bros.: Brawl - Opening Theme

Pokémon Colosseum - Relic Forest

Song for Lindsay by Andrew Boysen Jr. (oh great now it’s time for marching band feelings I guess)

Mt. Everest by Rossano Galante

Deltarune - Field of Hopes and Dreams and A Town Called Hometown (orchestrated) (aka the Lots of Work To Do song) and You Can Always Come Home and Don’t Forget (hey guess what I wrote a bunch of fake extra verses for) (also it looks my pathetic attempts at narrowing things down are getting even more pathetic so I’ll wrap up soon XD)

Guild Wars 2 - Fear Not This Night (never actually played this myself but my friend got me addicted to the music)

Lord of the Rings - May It Be (Enya) (aaaand now I miss choir, THANKS BUBBLES)

Lion King - Can You Feel the Love Tonight (Multilingual) by Travys Kim (aka how I remembered how fun these things are)

Original Song by Anonymous

(The urge to add all the other songs I’m not adding is so strong but I’ve got so much work to do so just assume I mean all Nintendo music from any game I’ve played, all Ghibli movie music, every musical I’ve ever heard, and even more)

Random fact:

Apparently as early as the 17th century, you could guess that a child would have a shortened life span if their foreheads tasted salty. Yes, there is a specific reason, and yes, you may already know what it is, and thankfully no, that life span projection no longer holds true, assuming access to Modern Medicine!

Favourite Authors: Okay I have not read enough various books of enough various authors to be able to answer this, so I’m just gonna go with a few books instead. They are not necessarily all-time favorites, but I enjoyed reading them very much at the time and more often than not go back to them for comfort reads: The Martian, any of first three Harry Potter books, and The Rise of Kiyoshi. (That last one’s not really a comfort read but I am drowning in Loving Kiyoshi juice so here we are)

Favourite Animal Noises: Certain kinds of birds (UNLESS it’s some ungodly hour of the morning and you’re trying to sleep)? Ooh, and crickets!

Aesthetic: A slob, but like...a comfy slob. An incredibly disorganized hermit who is happy to mill about in the uncontrolled entropy. (Are we talking about what aesthetic I give off, or what I like to look at, visually? Because I like space, and water, and mountains, and forests, and forests ON mountains, OOH and forests on mountains at night where you can see space, perhaps reflected in a body of water. Or just water, idk. Different things are pretty to look at at different times)

WELL THAT ONLY TOOK FOREVER SORRY FOR THE OBSCENE LENGTH

@pachelbelsheadcanon @averybritishbumblebee @shingeki-no-korra @sailorlock @yeswevegotavideo @soultheta @queenerdloser @ifeelbetterer @rogueofdragons @peppervl @amadness2method @mutalune and anybody else who wants to do this! This isn’t seventeen, and I don’t know if any of you have already done it/been tagged, but I hear people moving around upstairs so that means this break is over XD. And ABSOLUTELY no pressure to actually do this, this is pretty much just me wishing you well! (and YOU of course, my dear reader! I hope everything’s going all right, or if it’s not, that it does soon)

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bobbyischill · 5 years

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My Relationship With Andi Mack

Two years ago, when I was in 10th grade, my GSA advisor was telling me and a friend about a Disney Channel show. She hadn’t watched it yet, but apparently one of the main characters had just come out as gay! I was really happy for Disney and glad that queer kids all over the world had someone like them to look up to. However, I, a 15 year old, a mature teenager, wouldn’t really enjoy a kids show, right? So I went about the rest of my day without giving it a second thought....

Until I went home and opened up Tumblr. One of the first posts I saw was someone giving props to Disney for making such a diverse, inclusive show that was actually GOOD. They said it reminded them of Girl Meets World, except it was a million times better and diverse. Okay fine, I thought. I guess I’ll check out Andi Mack. (BOOYY I HAD A BIG STORM COMING)

I opened up my iPad around 10:30pm and decided to watch an episode or two, depending on how tired I was. After the very first episode, I recognized that this show was special. Like, REALLY special. The characters were fleshed out and unique. There was the “twist” about Bex being Andi’s mom. The friendships and relationships felt real. I knew I was going to binge the whole show that night.

That night, as I continued on with the show, I fell in love with each one of them. They all had their own quirks, they were all nuanced. I fell in love with how competitive, protective to a fault, and caring Buffy was. I fell in love with how awkward and goofy and relatable Cyrus was. I fell in love with how kind and oblivious Jonah was. I fell in love with how hard-working and funny Andi was, and how much she cared about certain things and the people around her. I fell in love with the dynamics between certain characters and how they were always changing. I loved how it tackled racism in school (Buffy had to change her hair or be sent home), how unfair dress codes are to students (especially girls), how you need to take a stand for what you believe in (the prison uniforms), and how stepping out of your comfort zone is a good thing, even if you get hurt (Andi watching a horror movie and being terrified, but not regretting it). This was all in the first season.

This show already meant so much to me. And then Cyrus looked back at Jonah. In the words of Jonah Beck, “I cried”. Just that hint of representation was more than I had ever scene on Disney or any other show marketed to kids.

And then Cyrus came out to Buffy. I, a pansexual who was out to my friends but not any of my family and who still struggled with intense internalized homophobia, burst into tears. I related to how ashamed and afraid Cyrus looked. I needed to hear Buffy’s heartfelt response. “You may be weird, but you’re no different.” That phrase was constantly bouncing through my head for at least the next few days (and if I’m being honest, it still is). I wrote it all over my notes and assignments because it was literally all I could think about for such a long time. I saw the sign on the wall that said “G: for General Audiences.” That showed me that Disney (or at least Terri Minsky, my queen) truly felt that I wasn’t a freak. I didn’t need to hide my identity from anyone if I didn’t want to. My identity wasn’t a mature subject; it was for general audiences. (Also, I just want to add that Sofia and Josh’s acting in this scene was absolutely fantastic. It was so raw and emotional, and it still makes me cry every time I see it.)

And then in that same episode Cyrus and Buffy talked about his crush on Jonah. They did it so casually, and my mind was blown. At this point, I had honestly never seen so much gay representation in a show as this.

That night, I stayed up until 5am. I was rewatched Cyrus’s coming out scene about 10 times. I fangirled about it on Tumblr. I added “Tomorrow Starts Today” to my Spotify playlist. I even wrote a diary entry about it. (I only write in my diary when I’m feeling very intense emotions that I need to write down in order to figure out.)

The next day at school, I told all my Gay Friends about Andi Mack and how amazing it was. A few of them got into it, and it was fun talking to them about it, but after a while I was pretty heavily hyperfixated on it and I needed more. And I felt like I was bothering my followers with constant posts about how much I loved Andi Mack. So I made this blog. @cyrus-made-tshirts. I haven’t changed the name since. That’s how I became an official part of the friendom.

I love this fandom. I don’t even know many people personally or have made many friends through it, but this fandom was everything to me. I loved the posts, the crackhead theories, josh’s account. I loved the crackships, the real ships, the overanalyzing of every line, of every movement, of every promo. I loved watching the reactions on YouTube. I loved making posts about the show and having hundreds of people relate to it or find it funny, especially the gay ones. My very first post to get more than 50 notes was one about how Miranda and Bex would make a cute couple (this was before Miranda was revealed to be a snake.)

For the past year and a half, Andi Mack has been my life. I have survived the many ship wars. I have survived the months-long hiatuses. I have survived the ominous tweets and posts Josh has made and the frenzy of panicking everywhere that followed it. And I have loved every minute of it.

I’ve seen these characters I love grow up before my eyes. They’ve all changed and evolved and matured so much. There’s so much more representation since I started watching the show. There’s a character with a learning disability, characters with anxiety, a homeless character, a deaf character. There’s been multiple episodes celebrating Jewish and Chinese culture. I’ve seen Cyrus go from nervously nodding in agreement that he liked a boy to unprovokingly telling his friend he liked that boy to flat-out telling his ex-crush he is gay to holding hands with his crush in public. I’ve seen all of Cyrus’s friends support him unconditionally. I’ve seen him find his happily ever after (for middle school, at least).

And then the last episode aired. I knew I was never going to be prepared for it, but HOLY SHIT, it’s over. And the finale was like a fanfiction it was so good. I watched it live on Thursday night at midnight. I freaked out about it online for three hours, then watched it on Disney Now. I pulled an all-nighter because I just kept rewatching it online until Friday night, when I watched it air on Disney. The way Cyrus and TJ sang Born This Way with the rest of the characters cured my depression, cleared my skin, and watered my crops. The bench scene was so fucking beautiful and romantic it caused me to hyperventilate. The acting from both Luke and Josh was incredible. Honestly, Luke crushed it the entire time as TJ and the bench scene was the icing on top. This scene meant more to met than some people could ever know.

A couple months ago, I was in a pretty shit place emotionally and mentally. Literally the only thing stopping me from killing myself was the guilt of leaving my friends and family behind. I needed another reason to stay, something to keep me grounded. And that reason became Andi Mack. I promised myself I would live to see the day Tyrus became canon. And I did it. I’m in a much better place now, and I’m not going to do anything stupid now that Tyrus has become canon (TYRUS HAS BECOME CANON!!! AAKDBEISSHSB I STILL HAVENT PROCESSED THAT YET!!!!). But at the time, I really needed Andi Mack to help me keep fighting. And it was there for me. And I will always be indebted to it for my life.

This show has helped me in so many other ways. It’s helped me drastically reduce my internalized homophobia. It’s given me a community of people that understand me. It’s created so many characters that I love. So thank you to Terri Minsky for creating this show and amazing characters that I will love forever. Thank you to Disney for funding it and not completely censoring it. Thank you to the crew for working tirelessly to make this happen. Thank you to Peyton, Emily, Asher, Josh, Luke, Lilan, Trent, Garren, Sofia, and every other actor for pouring their heart into this show. A special thank you to Josh and Luke for making me feel safe and loved and for caring so much about their story arcs. (And their political activism is pretty awesome, too.)

I’m really going to miss screaming about this show with you guys. I really hope that some people keep creating fanart and fanfics and keep making memes and crackships. I hope the friendom never dies. Because every one of you is so special and fun to hang out with online. And I’m really gonna miss it. And now I’m crying, and this is getting WAYYY too long, so I’m gonna stop talking now lmao. But I want to say this show has changed me in so many ways and I’m grateful to every single person involved, including the amazing friendom. I’ll love you all forever. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

#andi mack #thank you #thank you so much andi mack #my relationship with andi mack #personal

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caranfindel · 5 years

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Recap/review 14.15: “Peace of Mind”

THEN: Snakes. Michael. Donatello’s soul, or lack thereof. Samwitch. Jack’s soul spell. All the other hunters are dead. I am a Winchester!

NOW: A young man runs down a street (past a movie theater showing Scooby Doo, hee!) and into what seems to be a malt shop. He embraces the young woman working there and says he doesn’t want to leave without her, but she says she made a promise, and sends him on his way. He doesn’t get very far. He runs past the sign welcoming you to Charming Acres (“Where everybody’s happy!”) and into a convenience store, where his head explodes. Title card!

Bunker. Jack is cuddling with Felix, the snake he rescued from last week’s MotW. Cas comes to check on him, and he says he’s good, but Cas disagrees. Jack tells him the snake doesn’t feel well, and Cas thinks maybe he misses his monstery owner, and he’s been through a lot of change lately. Just like Jack! Cas asks Jack if he has his powers back, because enough time has passed that they’ve had funerals for all the hunters and yet no one has asked him that yet. He thinks so, and demonstrates by levitating a pencil.

(I guess if they’d asked him earlier, and he’d shown them the pencil trick, they might have said “cool, how about you bring all these dead hunters back to life?” Would that have been a good thing or a bad thing? Discuss.)

He says he feels different, and Cas asks about his soul. The pencil drops to the floor. Ha, that’s not symbolic at all. Jack doesn’t know how much of his soul he burned off when he killed Michael, and he tries not to think about it. Huh. I wish there was someone, anyone here in the bunker, maybe even someone in the room here with Jack, who knew how to see if he had any soul left. But apparently there isn’t. Okay then. {sigh}

In the kitchen, Dean’s eating a huge sandwich. Cas says he thought he was going to sleep “until the cows dragged you home,” and there’s a cute moment where Dean starts to explain and realizes it’s pointless. He says Rowena called and is “not great, but coping.” Cas tells him Jack claims he’s good and asks about Sam. “He says he’s good,” Dean replies. “I think they’re both full of crap.”

Sam arrives at the bunker during this conversation and stops to unload at the map table and reveals that Dean is right, he’s not good at all. He has flashbacks of the other hunters slumped dead at the table, and Maggie running toward him calling his name as she dies, and he’s just so beautifully upset (hi, I’m Caranfindel and I have a problem) and on the verge of tears, and can I just say how much I appreciate that Show is not ignoring how traumatic this would be for him? And not just because his trauma is so damn pretty.

Sam comes into the kitchen, brandishing his tablet, and tells Dean he found a case. Like, just now on his way home, apparently. Dean says they just did three hunts back-to-back and he needs a night off, and so does Sam. So, where was Sam coming from? Did he go on a hunt without Dean? Did they come home together, and Sam sat in the Impala looking at his tablet while Dean came in and made a sandwich?

Sam takes this in and completely ignores it and says “well, I’m leaving in ten.” Dammit, y'all. Traumatized, driven Sam. I love it. I also love that his attitude is “this is what I need, so this is what I’m doing.” Cas volunteers to go with him and tells Dean he should stay with Jack, because he looks up to him. “And his soul… you’ve seen this before.”

Oh. Well. Yes, Dean has seen this before. Sam has LIVED this before. I wonder who would be the best person to talk to Jack about being possibly soulless? (And I also still wonder if there’s ANYBODY in this bunker who is in a better position to detect Jack’s soul. ANYBODY AT ALL.)

No, no, see, I was not great with Sam when he was, uh…

But Jack’s soul isn’t completely gone. At least, I don’t think so. We just don’t know how much is left?

Well, how am I supposed to figure that out?

I don’t know! Just talk to him. Get him to open up.

Jesus. Okay. I do appreciate that Dean recognizes he didn’t necessarily handle the Soulless!Sam situation well. But I’m having a hard time getting past the fact that CAS KNOWS HOW TO CHECK FOR THE PRESENCE OF A SOUL. {sigh}

With the guys separated, I’m going to stick with Cas and Sam instead of going back and forth. Cas and Sam drive up to the convenience store where the guy’s head exploded. Cas is driving. I don’t know why. I don’t know why Sam doesn’t have a car of his own. I don’t know why Cas replaced the Pimpmobile, or why they’re not using any of those cars in the bunker’s garage. I don’t know a lot of things. (I know Sam’s in an overcoat and I like it.)

They think they’re looking for a witch or demon. Sam yawns but says he’s fine, because that’s what they do, and Cas lectures him on needing to rest. “Can’t,” Sam says. “Just because I’m tired doesn’t mean the monsters are gonna stop. Doesn’t mean anything. Plus, we don’t have as many hunters as we used to.” Oh Saaaaammmmmy.

They introduce themselves to the clerk as Agents Scholz and Delp, which I immediately recognize as members of Boston, but it’s not until halfway through the episode that I realize the title is a Boston song. Oh, you clever, clever show. They tell the clerk they’re investigating “the incident,” and he says “incident? that’s what we’re calling it?” and I have an out-of-body experience because I used almost that exact dialog in a fic (waves to Steve Yockey, who surely reads my LJ). The clerk tells them what happened and that the victim, Conrad, probably came from Charming Acres, a place he calls “weird.”

Turns out Charming Acres is weird in a very retro way - it’s like a town straight out of the 50s. Well-dressed people wearing hats roam its perfectly clean streets. “It’s like we’re stepping into a Saturday Evening Post,” Cas says. He gets a funny look from Sam, and I don’t know why, because surely Sam remembers that Metatron crammed all of that cultural knowledge into Cas’s head. “I look at them after you fall asleep at night,” Cas explains, and if I were a Sastiel shipper I’d point out that he says after you fall asleep instead of after you go to bed, suggesting that he doesn’t just know when Sam goes to bed, he knows when he falls asleep. But I’m not, so I won’t.

There’s no cell service in Charming Acres, which is probably part of the reason why it’s so charming; none of these people walking around have their noses in a phone. Sam gets out of the car and bumps into a couple - Justin Smith and his “foxy wife” Cindy. They don’t know anything about a death, but they suggest the nice G-men ask around at Harrington’s, the malt shop we saw earlier. Justin asks what Sam is holding, and is mystified at the answer. “Cell phone. A cell phone?” he muses, as they walk away.

“What was that?” Sam wonders. Cas answers “Maybe they’re Mormon?” Hee!!!

Harrington’s, where your first milkshake is free. Uh oh. Guys, never trust that. Sure, the first one is free, but that’s how they hook you, and the next one will COST you. Sunny, the chick from the opening, is working behind the counter. Sam’s doctor from “The Born-Again Identity” comes out from the kitchen and tells her to make sure they have more root beer, and she says she already sent the order. She then puts a couple of shakes on the counter for Sam and Cas. It’s like she knew they were coming. Sam tells her they didn’t order, but she says the first one’s free. Don’t drink that shake, Sam! But he does, and is surprised at how good it is. Cas just takes a whiff and calls it “delicious.” Mmmm, smells like molecules.

(Sidebar: I’m not the only one who’s watched “The Born Again Identity” enough times to immediately recognize that guy and remember his name, am I?)

Dr. Kadinsky comes back out and starts to make a request, but Sunny already knew what the customer wanted. It’s almost like she’s psychic or something. He introduces himself to the guys as Chip Harrington and calls them “the G-men I keep hearing about,” even though they literally got out of the car three minutes ago. “It’s a small town,” he says. He’s also the mayor, and says they’re old-fashioned, but people here take care of each other. The guys ask about Conrad, who Chip thinks died of an aneurysm. “Oh, no,” Cas says. “His head exploded. Like a ripe melon on the sun.” The entire place goes silent, and y'all, I miss me some s4 BAMF Cas, but sometimes bumbling, socially awkward Cas is a delight. Flustered Sam is also a delight, as always.

Chip tells the guys where Conrad lived, so their next stop is Dowling’s charming Victorian boarding house, planning to check for sulfur and hex bags. Mrs. Dowling knows who they are and is expecting them. “Small town,” she explains. She shows them Conrad’s room and tells them he was a nice young man. She only rents to men. Women living alone isn’t proper. “Morals. Gotta have morals.” She turns to Cas. “You know.“ I… I don’t know what this means. Even on rewatch, I don’t. At first I thought maybe she detected Cas was an angel. But now I just have to admit, I don’t get it.

Sam asks for coffee as a way to get her out of the room so Cas can search it. He finds nothing of note except a few letters under the mattress. He tells Sam they’re "surprisingly passionate.” Passionate how, Sam asks, as he sips coffee from a teeny cup. “She spends quite a bit of time talking about shape and heft of his-” Sam interrupts just in time and says they should check that out tomorrow. Tomorrow, because he wants to spend the night here, and he probably needs some rest, and Mrs. Dowling is making pot roast. Cas is increasingly befuddled, and Sam is really getting into Charming Acres. And HE IS SO CUTE.

Meanwhile, over at the Smith’s, Foxy Cindy is putting dinner on the table, while Justin is still muttering about a cell phone. “I bought a cell phone. In Houston. For my daughter.” He suddenly remembers his daughter and asks Cindy who she is, and what he’s doing here. She doesn’t have a clue what’s going on. He runs outside and, just like Conrad earlier, gets weird bulges on his face and then suffers a head explosion.

Morning in the boarding house. Cas knocks on Sam’s door, but his room is empty. He goes downstairs and finds Mrs. Dowling vacuuming. She’s wearing earbuds, so Charming Acres might not have cell phones, but it looks like they have mp3 players. She seems annoyed that Cas is there, but offers him some breakfast. He tells her he doesn’t eat and says he’s looking for his partner. “The very nice, the very tall fella? He said he’s going for a walk. And a milkshake.” Dammit, Sam, I warned you. IT’S THE MILKSHAKES.

But when Cas gets to Harrington’s, they’re just opening, and Sam isn’t there. The music playing is the same thing Mrs. Dowling was listening to, and I don’t know if that means anything. He’s also got a huge bird crap on his car, and I don’t know if that means anything, either. Maybe it’s just supposed to be indicative of his day. He tells Sunny he’s looking for his partner, and she says “the tall man” left when he heard what happened to Mr. Smith.

Smith house. Cas drives up and is greeted by a cheery, not-in-mourning, Foxy Cathy. She offers him a martini, which he declines. “I’m looking for my partner. The tall man.” She doesn’t know what he’s talking about. “Hair? He has beautiful hair.” (OH MY GOD.)

“This is complicated,” Cas says, and the poor guy is just more and more puzzled. I don’t usually appreciate a Cas-heavy episode, but I’ve gotta say, he’s killing it. He sits down and Foxy Cindy screams NO! He jumps up and she sweetly explains “that’s my husband’s chair.” Okay, so she is a little distraught over his death, but just handling it weirdly? Um, no.

I’m so sorry, but last night, his head… um… your husband, he died last night.

I think you’re confused. Have you already had your martini today?

Cas continues to try to convince her Justin is dead, and then a familiar voice from upstairs says “Honey, is something wrong” and then…

Agent?

Justin. Justin Smith.

IT’S SAM. SAM DRANK THE KOOLAID MILKSHAKE AND NOW HE’S ONE OF THEM. His hair is pulled back in a ponytail and he’s wearing glasses and a cardigan with a tie (the same cardigan from “American Nightmare?” maybe) and I AM DEAD.

Cas thinks Sam is doing this on purpose, and when Cindy goes to make a martini, he asks him “who does she think you are?” But Sam absolutely believes he’s Justin Smith. He requests three olives in his martini because “I’m feeling adventurous” and Cindy does a little mewl and he says “rawr!” and REALLY I CANNOT HANDLE IT. Neither can Cas.

Sam, I don’t know what’s happened, I don’t know if this is a spell, or a curse, or what’s happened, but you will SNAP THE HELL OUT OF IT.

Sir. You watch your mouth. If we cannot remain civil, then you can skedaddle.

Sam-

That’s not my name. Cindy, grab his hat.

I don’t wear a hat.

(Honey, I don’t think he wore a hat!)

Fine. Sir, using language like that. H E double hockey sticks. You should have your mouth washed out with soap.

OH MY GOD. Sam ushers him out the front door and lectures him with the Single Upraised Finger of Reasonableness and lord, I hope Jared had as much fun doing this as I’m having watching it. And I didn’t like the brothers being separated AGAIN, but now I understand. There’s no way Dean wouldn’t have sucked down a milkshake. But since Cas doesn’t eat, he’s safe. (Sidebar: Don’t you think Sam would have shaved? Discuss.)

It’s nighttime when Cas shows up back at Harrington’s. He accuses Sunny of being a witch who brainwashed Sam and the entire town. She denies it, but he shows her the letters he found, where she begged him to leave. She tries to run, but he grabs her and does the glowy eyes and says “tell me, or I’ll rip it from your mind” and hmmm, that’s a nice flash of angry, protective-of-Sam Cas. Terrified, she confesses that “it’s not me, it’s him, he’s out of control.” And “him” is Chip, who is standing behind them with a few friends. Including Sam. Duh duh duh!!!

So you did this.

What, did you think it was the milkshakes?

Dammit, I did. I completely and totally fell for that. It turns out Chip is just psychic or something. The mill shut down and his wife died and his town was going downhill and he started hearing voice and he screamed “just make things better!” and then, wow, things became better. He wished there were more people at his shop, and there were. “I made everybody happy.” And he murdered the rest. (Sidebar: Is this a political statement about people who wish we could go back to “the good old days?” Discuss.) He says his tricks never worked on Sunny, because she’s too much like him, which explains why she knew the root beer needed to be ordered and the G-men were coming in - she’s psychic too. He asks why his powers don’t work on Cas, and Cas says “because I’m not human,” and he has no problem accepting that.

Sunny runs outside and Chip follows. Sam and the other two guys stay to attack Cas. He tells Sam he won’t hurt him, and gives him the Single Raised Finger of Reasonableness again and says “golly, I told you my name is Justin!” Oh, golly Sam, you’re killing it. Cas takes the other two guys down pretty easy, but Sam knocks him to the floor, and he may have forgotten his own name but he knows where Cas keeps his angel blade. Cas, of course, is trying not to hurt him, and it’s hard to defend yourself against someone who’s trying to kill you when you don’t want to hurt them, so all he can do is try to talk Sam out of stabbing him.

Fight this.

Why? I’m happy in Charming Acres. We’re all happy.

Sam, I know you want to be happy. And I know what it’s like to lose your army. I know what it’s like to fail as a leader, Sam. But you can’t lose yourself. You have to keep fighting. You can’t lose yourself because if you do, you fail us, you fail all of those that we’ve lost. You fail Jack. Sam, you fail Dean!

And that does it. Sam jams the angel blade into the floor next to Cas’s head (just like MoC Dean did) and takes of the glasses. Looks like he found himself.

Meanwhile, outside, Chip is telling Sunny that she’s just as responsible for Conrad’s death as he is, and she can’t stop him, because in this town, he’s God. Sam shows up to smack him upside the head. “No, you’re not, believe me. We’ve met God.” “God has a beard,” Cas adds. I’M DEAD AGAIN.

Chip uses his powers on Sam and he gets the bulges that mean his head is going to explode and no, not his head! That’s one of my favorite parts! Sunny finds her own power and stops him. “You want to be happy? Then be happy.” She whammies Chip and he gets a blank look on his face and I’m pretty sure I’ve referenced the Ren and Stimpy Happy Helmet at some point, but I’m thinking about it again. Cas puts a hand on his head and says “She made him happy. Your father is trapped inside his own mind. He’s in a world that - it’s a beautiful world, but it’s a place where he can never hurt anyone again.”

Which makes me think (1) it’s too bad this isn’t a solution for all those “good old days” people, and (b) WHY CAN’T CAS READ JACK???? WHY?????

Now let’s see what’s happening in the bunker. Jack is trying to feed Felix a variety of different foods, but he won’t eat. Maybe it’s because he’s on newspaper, which seems like it would be uncomfortable for a snake. Dean is adorably uncomfortable.

Have you tried bacon?

Do snakes like bacon?

I don’t… I like bacon.

He also opens a box that appears to be leftover Chinese food but actually contains white mice. Hee! He invites Jack on a drive. Not a hunt, “more like a field trip.” We see them driving through the night, with the snake riding in the back seat. Dean suggest Jack have a snack, but he says he’s not hungry, so Dean says he should try feeding the snake. He gives him two packaged snack cakes - one devil’s food, and one angel food. Oh, Dean, you are the least subtle person on earth and I adore you.

I don’t think you have a firm grasp on what snakes eat.

Yeah, no. I always thought they were kinda cool, though.

Most people think they’re dangerous.

Well, it’s not the snake that’s dangerous. It’s the… bite

Is that a saying?

It is now.

Oh, god. Dean wincing when he says snakes are cool, watching Jack decide which cake to open, I’m dead. Jack finally chooses the angel food cake, and Dean sighs with relief.

They pull up to a familiar-looking house - it’s Donatello’s house! Jack doesn’t understand why their field trip was to come here. “With this whole soul thing,” Dean says, “we’re worried about you. And when it comes to souls, or not having them, Donny here’s an expert.” Well, I guess that’s true. I mean, there’s another person who knows a lot about not having a soul, someone who lives a lot closer than Donatello does, but sure. Go ahead. Go see your expert. Donatello leads Jack inside, while Dean says he’ll stay outside and keep an eye on the snake. Which means slamming the roof of the car for some reason to see what it does, and then moving as far away from the open window as he can. (Sidebar: who else expected Felix to escape and be roaming around inside the Impala?)

How to casually stay as far away as possible from the snake in the back of your car.

Inside, Donatello pours a couple of MASSIVE cups of coffee (seriously these are soup bowls, aren’t they?) He swirls cream into his coffee and it looks like the milky way, which inspires him to say being soulless feels like a galaxy. “A very large, black hole… inside, empty. I feel nothing.” But he tells Jack “Losing your soul doesn’t make you bad, it doesn’t make you anything. It’s an absence. Of pity, and empathy. Or humanity.”

Jack says he doesn’t feel <i>nothing,</i> but he also doesn’t feel the same. “Maybe I just don’t know what nothing feels like. Mostly I just don’t want Sam and Dean and Cas to worry.” (Yes, I do love that he listed Sam first. Shut up.) But he also feels like he needs some time to deal with this on his own, and being on his own is never an option; there’s always someone watching over his shoulder.

When I need to blend, I ask myself “what would Mr. Rogers do?”

Who’s Mr. Rogers?

The best man I know.

Sam and Dean are the best men I know.

So, ergo, whenever you don’t want them to worry, just think WWWD. What would the Winchesters do?

I can do that.

OH JACK. YOU SWEET BABY. You probably don’t want to do what the Winchesters would do, though. It never works out well.

Meeting adjourned. Jack goes to sit in the car, and Dean asks Donatello if he has a soul. “I suppose the first question we must ask ourselves is, what is a soul?” This gets the eyeroll it deserves. Donatello says he thinks Jack is okay, and Dean asks if he’s like him. “Oh, no. I’m a prophet of the Lord, but he’s… Jack’s probably the most powerful being in the universe. I mean, really, who knows what’s going on inside his head?”

Um, I don’t know, Donatello, but I do remember that when you first met him, you could tell he wasn’t evil. You could detect evil. Did you lose that ability, just like Cas lost his ability to check for a missing soul? {sigh}

In the car, Jack grins and waves like a sweet little nougat cinnamon roll. But the music, ah, the music is pretty ominous. Aftermath! Dean says it looks like the snake enjoyed the trip and Jack says "It's hard to say; he's very guarded." I don't know if we're supposed to think he's being literal, or if he's making a joke. Either way, I applaud it. Dean asks Jack if he's okay and he says "it was... illuminating." He then heads into his room with Felix just as Sam and Cas come in.

Dean asks about their trip, and Sam's annoyed that Cas told him about the cardigan and Foxy Cindy. Like, Sam, you KNOW Cas doesn't keep secrets. "He said you were really happy," says Dean, and oh, now I get it. Cas was worried about him. {sniff} Cas goes off to see Jack, and Dean and Sam have this conversation.

Really happy, huh?

I mean, I guess I WAS happy, but it wasn't real, you know?

Well, not a lot of happy going on around here.

... I hate this place right now. I hate it. Everywhere I look I see them. I see Maggie. I guess that's why I, uh, was so desperate to get out of here. Why I kept running us ragged. But I gotta stop that. I can't keep running, I... this is my home. This is our home. Dean, I think I just need some time.

Okay.

OH GOD SAM'S FACE. When he breaks down and admits he hates it here, and when Dean pats him on the shoulder, and when he looks up, teary-eyed, and takes a deep breath, I CAN'T. I know this is the moment of angst we always expect at the end of a funny episode but this one is TOO MUCH. And how is it that we've had so much good emotional Sam this season? WHAT HAVE WE DONE TO DESERVE THIS??? I appreciate that they're making the death of the hunters Sam's trauma. It should upset Mary and Jack too, since they lived with them longer. But Sam feels responsible for them. He's the reason they're in our world. He told them they'd be safer here, and now they're dead.

Back in his room, Jack picks up his snake. "Cas says you miss your friend. You need help. Sam and Dean would help you, so I'll help you. I'll help you see your friend again. In Heaven." As Cas watches from the doorway, Jack does the glowy eyes and the SNAKE TURNS TO DUST AND NO, NO JACK, THIS IS NOT WHAT SAM AND DEAN WOULD DO, NOT AT ALL.

Well, that was a rollercoaster. The funny parts were wonderful, the sad parts were heartbreaking, the ominous parts were horrifying. Can we talk about Sam being so desperate to get out of the bunker, and so vulnerable to anything that feels like happiness, and Justin!Sam's frantic insistence that he is happy and wants to stay happy? About Dean's cake test? About Cas actually carrying much of a storyline and being not only watchable, but enjoyable? About what the ACTUAL FUCK is going on with Jack?

And yes, the stupid parts were stupid, and the unexplained parts were inexplicable. I've chosen to handwave them. What did you guys think?

Please help me stay unspoiled; thanks!

#spn #tv recaps #recap #spoilers #14.15 #peace of mind

23 notes · View notes

hopewritcs · 6 years

Text

prying eyes.

pairing: steve harrington x reader

word count: 4.5

request: “50 from the prompt list with Steve maybe?” ( “people are staring” )

notes: ok so the original idea i had in my head wound up not working but i really love the idea i came up w after so??? i hope u enjoy it too. this fic includes a lot of flashback sub sections, including one where a kid pees their pants ( fair warning ). au-ish.

stranger things tag list: @thekidsofneibolt,@madhatterweasley,@inspiredbynewt,@rainy-bookish-days (if you wanna be added to any tag list, let me know!!)

They say that during a near death experience your whole life flashes before your eyes. Apparently, during your most embarrassing moments, the world decided to cease movement at all. And everything was just focused on that one moment in time, and even if it was only ten seconds -- it felt like it lasted forever. And those moments have prying eyes who can’t seem to stop looking at everything as it happens.

Alternatively, Y/N would say there were three times ( definitely more, but three most notable ones ) Steve Harrington came to her rescue, and three times she came to his. And one time they forgot about the world and embarrassment altogether

The Day Steve and Y/N Met.

September 7th, 1971. First day of kindergarten.

Y/N had just moved to the new town, not even a week before the first day of school. She had been dropped off from the bus at Hawkins Elementary School promptly on time, and she looked around the crowd of kids as they walked into school. She wrung her hands together as she nervously walked into the building with everyone else. Her mother had taken her to the school two days before to show her how to get to her classroom. But, in the beginning of school day chaos, Y/N got shuffled down in the wrong hallway and didn’t know where to go.

Not knowing where she was in the building, and not having a friend, Y/N began to panic. She started crying in the hallway as everyone else walked into their classrooms. Some older kids stared at her as they past, laughing at the young girl who was lost.

The bell rang, and Y/N jumped. The hallway was empty, aside from her. Could she make it back to the entrance of the school? Maybe if she walked back that way she could get to Miss Kosner’s classroom, where she was supposed to be. Spinning around the hallway she stood in, Y/N looked for anything that could help her mark where she was. Noticing the yellow arrow on the wall, she remembered her mom telling her that they were posted in the halls to guide kids back to the front of the building.

Y/N took off full speed, following the arrows and finally she was back at the front of the school. But, since she was running so fast, she couldn’t stop herself and bumped into another kid who had been walking into the building.

“Ow.” both children said as they hit the floor, looking at each other.

Hiccuping, Y/N apologized. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I didn’t see you! I don’t know where I’m s’pposed to go.” She was still crying a bit, breathing fast as she looked over at the kid she’d hit.

“Are you okay? Don’t be sad!” The boy said, crawling over to her and looking at her worried. “Do you have a boo-boo? My mommy usually kisses mine better. She was late this morning.” He explained, glancing down at his hands on the tiled floor. “Don’t be sad, I’m Steve.” He reached out his hand like he’d seen his father do many times before--it was how his dad greeted many people. A handshake.

Y/N looked at him carefully, tilting her head to the side as she studied him. “I’m Y/N.” she said after a moment, looking down at his hand and then putting hers in his.

“There you are!” an adult voice called from the office doorway, looking relieved as she saw the two kids on the floor. Racing over, her heels clicked on the floor as she made her way to the children. “Are you two okay? What happened?” she asked kindly, helping both kids off the floor.

“I got lost.”

“My mom just left.”

She sighed, shaking her head as she looked at both kids. Deciding they were both unharmed, she smiled. “I’m Miss Rachel, I work in the main office. Are you Y/N Y/L/N?” she pointed toward the girl who nodded her head, then turned to the boy. “And Steve Harrington, right?” when the boy nodded she stood up straight, holding out her hands for each kid to take. “Well, Miss. Kosner’s been looking for you both. Let’s get you to the classroom, okay?”

At the door of the classroom, Miss Rachel left the two kids once she saw them settle down at their long tables.

“Well, let’s welcome our new friends. Class, meet Steve Harrington and Y/N Y/L/N.” The teacher said. “Today we’re going to play a game to get to know all our new friends, doesn’t that sound like fun?”

Y/N turned to look at Steve who was smiling. When he turned to look at her, she smiled back at him. “Don’t worry, Y/N. We can play together.”

The Day Y/N Had an Accident.

October 31st, 1973.

Halloween was never Y/N’s favorite holiday, she was too scared for everything that seemed to be lurking in the corners. And, on this particular Halloween, Y/N had been at recess listening to one of the older students telling everyone else a story about a ghost. The school’s upstairs girls bathroom was haunted, and every Halloween the ghost would pick one student to take and keep until the next year.

So, Y/N sat at her desk in the classroom watching the clock closely. She needed to pee, but she couldn’t get up to go to the bathroom--not when the ghost might pick her.

She could definitely hold it.

It was afternoon snack time and Y/N went to grab the pack her mom put in her napsack.

“Y/N peed!” a student called out. Y/N stopped and turned around, looking down at herself. And it looked as though she had, her pant leg was stained with liquid. As the students laughed, Y/N began to cry, hiding her face in her hands. The teacher came forward, telling all the students to stop laughing and go back to their desks, but no one left. Y/N could feel all the eyes on her and the sound of laughter echoed in her ears.

“Look, Steve peed his pants!”

Y/N looked up from behind the teacher’s arm and saw Steve, sitting at his desk with a bit of a puddle on the floor beneath him.

The teacher left Y/N’s side and looked out into the hallway, grabbing an aid to help. The aid took Y/N and Steve down to the nurse’s office where the two waited on one of the sick beds for their parents to drop off clothes.

Y/N sat still and looked down at her feet kicking them a little bit back and forth.

“Are you okay?” Steve asked quietly. Y/N turned her head to look at him. “Everyone was staring at you and I know you don’t like that. So I grabbed Elizabeth’s water bottle.”

“You fake peed your pants?” Y/N gasped, her eyes widening as she looked at him.

“If everyone was looking at me...they’d stop looking at you.”

“Why did you do that?”

“Because I don’t like when people laugh at you. You’re my best friend.”

The Day Steve Met Basketball.

December 8th, 1977.

Usually during gym, Steve and Y/N stayed on the sidelines and weren’t picked. Y/N because she wasn’t the sportiest. Steve probably because everyone knew he wouldn’t let Y/N be on the sidelines alone. So, on the day Y/N had been in the nurse during the beginning of the class, Steve had been one of the first team picks.

Halfway through the class, Y/N came back from the nurse and was feeling a lot better. She went to open the door to the gym and looked in, seeing Steve on the basketball floor dribbling the ball back and forth between him and some of the other kids in their sixth grade class. Y/N stood there for a minute, just watching, before heading into the room.

Steve had just tossed the ball to one of his teammates when he saw her walk into the gym. Y/N was talking to the gym teacher, handing the man a note from the nurse and then she took a seat down on the sidelines. Steve was about to call her name to say hi when he got hit in the face.

Y/N had been looking down at her book when she heard a loud bang. She heard people calling Steve’s name and she jumped up from the seat. “Oh my god.” she muttered to herself as she raced over, pushing through the people and looking down at her best friend. “Steve?”

“Y/N.” Steve groaned, blinking his eyes as he grabbed her hand and sat up.

“Are you okay?” she asked, looking at his already bruising eye.

“Yeah. How bad is it?”

“Not so bad. Can you stand up?” Y/N stood up, holding out her hands to pull him up. When he seemed to almost fall back over, she put her hands on his chest to steady him. “Let’s get you to the nurse.” She led him out the gymnasium and down the hallway.

“Seriously, Y/N, how bad is it?” Steve repeated once they were alone in the hallway.

“It’s more of a bruise to your ego. I don’t think your nose is broken or anything, so you don’t need to worry about that.” Y/N said, looking up at him. “Don’t worry, everyone will still pick you to play next time.”

“I did kind of like it. And thanks for getting me out of there.”

“And let someone else take my dumb best friend to the nurse? Not a chance.”

The Time Steve and Y/N Danced.

December 20th, 1979.

School was out until the new year, except for the Snow Ball. The school held it on the last day before winter break every year. And this was their last year in middle school, so Steve had convinced Y/N to go. She’d gotten all dressed up, a navy blue dress with some silver colored stars and bright silver shoes too.

Y/N’s mother dropped her off at the front of the middle school and she walked in, looking around to see if she could spot Steve. After all, she was here for him right? But there he was, talking to his basketball buddies. Y/N waved and Steve waved back, but he didn’t make any move to head over in her direction.

Y/N glanced down at her feet and moved over to the side, sitting down next to someone she didn’t know well. Nancy wasn’t in her class, she was a year younger, but they started talking, and then before she knew it Y/N was up and dancing with a new group of friends.

Nancy Wheeler made Y/N feel included in the group she’d been sitting at. And they all moved around the dance floor to the latest music they knew all the words to and giggling when they looked like idiots.

When a slow song came on, everyone was pairing up and Y/N stood awkwardly in the middle of the dance floor. Nancy had been claimed by Jonathan Byers, one of her friends. And Y/N began walking off the dance floor when someone grabbed her hand.

“Can I have this dance?”

Y/N turned her head to look at Steve, biting her lip. She hadn’t seen him all night long, and now here he was. Saving her from yet another embarrassing moment of walking off the dance floor.

“Come on, Y/N. I haven’t seen you all night.” Steve pled with her, giving his best friend the biggest and best puppy dog eyes he had.

“Not my fault you were too busy hanging out with your teammates to spend time with me.” Y/N said, teasing him as she spoke and turned around fully so they could dance properly. Which mostly involved their hands together and one hand resting on her waist and the other on his shoulder as they awkwardly swayed to the song. When Steve looked like he was about to protest, Y/N giggled. “I’m just kidding, Steve. Besides, I made friends.” she explained with a shrug and a grin.

“But I’m still the best, right?”

‘The very best, Steve.” Y/N promised, which made him grin right back at her.

After a couple of minutes, Steve cleared his throat and looked back at Y/N, “You look nice, Y/N.”

“So do you. I like the jacket.” Y/N said, playing with the collar of his basketball team’s jacket Steve wore.

“It’s pretty cool, right?”

“I think the guy wearing it is what makes it cool, but yeah. It’s a cool jacket too.”

“You always say the best things, Y/N.”

“What are best friends for, Steve?”

When Billy Met His ( Verbal ) Match in Y/N.

November 1st, 1984.

Y/N had been in the gymnasium watching basketball practice because one of her friends was on the school newspaper staff and they were talking about the team and the chances of winning the upcoming games. Plus, Y/N and Steve were still close friends, so she’d often hang around until he was done with practice and then they would do homework together. At least when he didn’t have plans with Nancy after school.

Y/N’s nose was in a book and she paid little attention to what was going on the court, until her friend smacked her leg.

“What was that for?” Y/N exclaimed, turning her attention to her friend.

“Billy just checked Steve into the ground.” Her friend explained, pointing toward the court where the new kid Billy Hargrove stood over Steve. He looked to be saying something, but Y/N wasn’t close enough to hear it.

“What happened?” she asked her friend, not taking her eyes off of the pair until the coach blew his whistle and told the guys to hit the showers and practice was over.

“I don’t know, but I wouldn’t go down there Y/N.”

But she was already out of her seat, hopping off the bleachers and walking toward Steve to grab him before he went into the locker room. Steve’s face softened when he saw her come up and he smiled at her. “Hey, I didn’t see you here.”

“Well, Lizzie had to cover you guys for the paper so I figured I’d tag along. Do you want to study after you get cleaned up?” What she really wanted to know was what happened between him and Billy, but she wasn’t going to ask that right then.

Steve shook his head, “I’m not up for the company. I’ll call you later if I change my mind.” He didn’t want to explain to his best friend what happened when Nancy pulled him out of practice shortly before that. But he could tell from the way she looked at him she figured something was up. Before she could get any words out, Y/N was cut off by Billy.

“King Steve has two girls? Damn, I guess he may be a King after all.” Billy chuckled as he shouldered past Steve on his way to the locker room, winking at Y/N and spinning around to get one last look.

“Can it, Hargrove.” Steve growled at him, moving protectively in front of Y/N. “She’s my best friend, don’t talk about her like that.”

“Best friend or best friend? Cause if she’s not spoken for, I’ll ask her out.” Billy lost all interest in heading toward the bathroom right then, eyes landing on Y/N as he smirked.

Steve went to step forward, but Y/N put her hand on his shoulder and tugged him back. “Don’t.” she whispered to her friend before looking at the menacing teen before her. Her attention fully on him, she looked at him. “You must be new, because you don’t talk to people like that.”

“Who says, sweetheart? Seems like some of the girls really love how I talk to ‘em.”

“Let me rephrase. You don’t talk to me like that. Ever again, I don’t care if you’re the last guy on the planet. You have no right to talk to me, or to insinuate anything that’s going on between me and Steve. Steve has a girlfriend, who’s one of my best friends. And, believe me when I say this, he’s a much better guy than you. So don’t talk to him like that again. And don’t talk to me...ever.” When Y/N finished her speech, she looked at Billy ( who hadn’t moved ) and raised her eyebrows at him. “Did you hear me?”

“Watch your mouth, bitch.” Billy spat out at her. But Y/N just smiled sweetly at him, shaking her head at his words. Behind her, Y/N could tell Steve was pissed, but she wouldn’t let him talk. After a beat of silence, Billy spoke again, “What are you smiling for?”

“Because you’re so not worth my time, new guy.” Y/N finished, waving goodbye and then turning around to smile at Steve and head out the back door of the gym.

Graduation Night.

June 21st, 1985.

Y/N was tapping her foot in her seat as she glanced around at the rest of her graduating class. They did it. High school was over. And soon, once the mayor of Hawkins was done with his speech, they would officially be Hawkins High Class of 1985.

The marching band played, everyone jumped out of their seats and Y/N wormed her way through the crowded stage to her friends to say goodbye. Hugging each one and promising to stay in touch with letters and phone calls and possible road trip visits, they parted ways. Each on to whatever life brought them next.

Smiles were on everyone’s faces, and the crowd started moving toward the reception hall for the big dinner. Y/N spotted her family and started to walk toward them when she saw Steve hanging back, still sitting in his seat on the stage. He was looking off into the distance. She held a finger up to her family, apologizing, as she turned around and headed back to where he sat.

Tapping him with her foot, Y/N smiled down at Steve when he looked up at her. “Why so glum?” She took the seat next to him and put her hand on his shoulder. When he didn’t answer right away, Y/N poked his cheek. “You can tell me anything. What are best friends for anyway?”

“My parents didn’t show.” he said, looking at her with a sad smile. “I graduated and they didn’t come.”

Her heart sunk at his words and she put her arm around him, pulling him to her in a hug. “I’m sorry, Steve. But, hey, you still graduated. Isn’t that something to celebrate?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do with my life, Y/N.”

She looked over at her family, still waiting by the entrance and turned back to Steve whispering. “Me either.” she giggled.

He blinked, looking at her. “You don’t?”

“Nah. Not for sure, yet. But, that’s not important.” She stood up from the seat and held out her hands for Steve to grab. “What’s important right now, is that you and I, Y/N Y/L/N and Steve Harrington, we graduated high school. And I will not see you mope tonight.” Steve put his hands in hers and let Y/N tug him to his feet. Grinning, Y/N looked at him and continued to speak. “So, let’s go. You’ll sit with us. Mom thinks of you like one of the family anyway.”

The Night The Kids Got Steve to Confess His Feelings for Y/N.

October 31st, 1985.

A lot of things happen in October in Hawkins. Most of them, are things people don’t know about. Things that some people tend to keep secret. When Steve got a call at the landline at work, he knew something was wrong.

“Steve, it’s for you. A Dustin?” his co-worker said, handing the chord phone to him before walking off.

“Steve?” Dustin called out, sounding frantic.

“Dustin, why are you calling me at work?” Steve leaned against the wall, sighing as he spoke into the phone. “What’s wrong?”

“Something happened. Just get to El’s as soon as possible.”

And then Dustin hung up the phone leaving Steve to think the worst thing possible. He ripped off his work hat and apron before clocking out and telling his co-worker something happened and he needed to go home right then.

He didn’t waste any time getting to the Hopper residence, knocking on the door and walking inside to find...

It was empty.

Steve shook his head, “What sick fucking prank is this?” he called out into the empty living room. There were no lights on, other than the front porch and Steve looked around for Dustin. “Dustin? Jane? Other shitheads?”

“Steve?” a voice from behind him called out.

When he turned around he stopped short. He’d seen Y/N a lot since graduation. Both had stuck around Hawkins. Steve was working at the new mall and she was staying at home to cut costs for university. And they’d been spending a lot of time together, especially once Steve got his own place. Y/N had been the one to help him decorate things and move in, along with the kids.

Maybe it was around that time that Steve realized he’d developed feelings for his best friend.

And, around that time, he realized he’d be stupid to act on them because if you didn’t like him back he would lose you. And he needed his best friend more than he needed her to know he was in love with her.

“Y/N? What are you doing here?”

“Jane called, asked me to come over. Said Chief Hopper was going to be working late and she didn’t want to be alone.” she explained, taking the steps up the porch and looking at Steve. She looked at him, and right then Steve knew she could tell something was up. Blinking, she put her hand on his shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

Letting out a breath of air, Steve shook his head. “Nothing. I got a call from Dustin, he said something happened and they needed me.”

After a moment of silence, Y/N and Steve looked around. Neither of them could see the teenagers.

They were hidden just up the top of the stair case where they could all see and hear everything that was happening. Dustin had decided this plan was going to need to commence ASAP because Steve wouldn’t stop talking about Y/N. And they all figured ( hoped ) she felt the same way about him.

But when Eleven had called Dustin on the walkie two nights ago, telling him Y/N had said something about having feelings for her best friend, Dustin put the plan into action. And they all wanted it to work out.

Moving away from Steve Y/N turned and walked into the house. “I didn’t see any lights on. Which is odd, since Jane said she was home. Jane?”

Jane made a move to answer her, but Dustin had clamped a hand over her mouth and Max put a finger to her lips to tell her to be quiet. The plan was going to work.

“She called me like five minutes ago.” Y/N said, moving to flip the light switch by the door on.

“Damn it Dustin.” Steve muttered under his breath before taking a step toward Y/N. “It’s a set up.”

Y/N turned to look at Steve, she hadn’t turned the lights on yet, and squinted to see him better in the darker entryway. “A set up?”

Steve cleared his throat, which suddenly felt dry. Y/N looked a little concerned, but he waved a hand at her to tell her he was fine. “A set up. I might have let Dustin in on a secret of mine.”

“And he set up a plan to get you and me to the Hopper’s residence because of it? Steve, that makes no sense.”

“I’m in love with you, Y/N.”

“Holy shit!”

The exclamation came from the top of the stairs, Dustin knew that Steve liked her, a lot, but love? He hadn’t expected that. Steve turned his attention toward the staircase, moving Y/N’s hand and flicking on the lights. He caught hurried movement away from the stairs, but didn’t say anything.

Apparently Y/N didn’t hear anything because she didn’t flinch from the sound above. In fact, everything seemed to stop. Like when she was a kid and she’d get embarrassed over something.

“What?”

“I’m in love with you. I don’t know when it happened. I just...I don’t know. It’s stupid, Y/N. You’re my best friend and I know you deserve way better than me. But I think I’ve liked you a little bit since you toppled me down that first day of kindergarten. Which is crazy, cause I don’t even think I knew what it meant to like someone back then, but you looked so scared and I just wanted to help you and ever since then being your friend has been the best thing that’s ever happened in my life. Through all the crazy parental bullshit and the otherworldly stuff, you have been there. Always. And I...it would really help me if you said something so I don’t keep talking.” Steve finished, looking at Y/N with a worried look. Had he said too much? Did he scare her off? Lose her friendship forever? When she didn’t talk, Steve put his hands on her arms and took a step closer. “Please say something, Y/N.”

“I love you too, Steve.”

His ears turned red. He could feel his whole face heating up. “Since when?”

“Since that day you got hit in the face with the basketball and I realized you were sitting on the sidelines so I didn’t have to sit there alone.” Y/N said softly, almost afraid to speak up. Was it possible that Steve had actually felt this way for her too and she just didn’t know it? “And then you got popular and we were still friends but I didn’t want to make you lose out on anything because of me. And then you and Nancy and she’s one of my best friends too. And you guys were so happy I just kind of pushed it back and forgot it. But I’ve been feeling all these old feelings recently and I was just nervous and worried about telling you because...”

Steve cut her off with a chuckle, “Because you didn’t want to lose me as a friend, either?”

She nodded her head.

“Well kiss her, Steve!”

“Yeah, kiss!”

“Kiss! Kiss!”

Steve rolled his eyes at the commotion upstairs, and he was already leaning in to kiss her when Y/N kissed him first. Neither of them caring about the hooting and hollering coming from upstairs, which may have normally embarrassed them. But they just didn’t pay any attention.

After they broke apart, Y/N felt the world coming back to her and realized that the teens were just upstairs. She muttered, “People are staring.”

Steve laughed, looking at Y/N with a smile. “Then let’s get out of here.” he turned to look at the staircase and up at the teens. “If you’ll excuse us, I’m going to take Y/N out on a date unless there’s actually something you need us for.”

Getting no response, Steve looped his arm around Y/N’s shoulders and kissed the top of her head as he walked out the door. Holding his hand, Y/N looked at him out of the corner of her eye.

“What did you mean otherworldly stuff?”

#steve harrington x reader #stranger things x reader #steve harrington x you #stranger things x you #request

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