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sheetsonfire · 1 year

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Free Will

Fandom: Chicago Med

Pairing: Will Halstead x Reader

Genre: angst, hurt/comfort, romance

Word Count: 6462

Summary: Will makes a decision that throws everything the reader thought they knew into question. Where will the road take them?

A/N: This is part of @resanoona's #resa.3kfiestabingo! I'm using this fic to fill the "Hurt Feelings" square! Thank you so much @resanoona for reading, suggesting and correcting my tired ramblings!

I'm so sorry it took me literally two weeks to get this fic done, but hopefully, the size makes up for it! Happy reading!

Sometimes it’s easy to convince yourself of something until reality so starkly and irrefutably proves otherwise. So the night you see Will kissing Nina Shore from pathology, in the middle of Molly’s, it hurts possibly more than you thought it could.

There had never been an official relationship between you and Will, but the both of you had become closer of late - a shared routine, the hangouts on off-days, the conversations you would share in quiet moments on shift, and the post-work drinks at various bars around the city had started to feel a lot like dating.

A year’s worth of getting to know each other beyond colleagues and now you weren't sure what you had to show for it.

You weren’t naive to the fact that a close friendship could be just that and nothing more. In some ways, you were okay with its platonic nature, yet Will always looked at you with such intensity and interest that you could have sworn it to be something else.

In fact, that night at Molly’s Bar was going to be the night. After multiple consultations with Maggie, April and even Connor who had chipped in with his encouragement, you felt ready to ask Will whether there was actually a chance of more.

Sometimes you considered asking Jay, Will’s brother, for his input on the situation but you were always afraid of the answer. There was always the possibility that Jay could tell Will and you hadn’t been ready for that complication either.

So, you were in the bar, wandering off from the large gathering of Med, Fire and PD friends, who had pushed tables together. They were well into their merriment of earned rest and you had decided it was time to visit Herrmann at the bar - liquid courage was definitely needed for what was coming next.

You smile brightly at the older man who gives you a wink, grinning at the sight of your familiar and friendly face. You were happy to wait patiently for him to be free to serve you, he had always been a source of wisdom and encouragement for you - one of the kindest people you knew.

Eventually, Chris makes it to you, a bar towel slung over his shoulder, “What’s up, Y/N, what can I get ya?” He waits for an answer, tilting his head curiously as you smile sheepishly. You're tapping your fingers on the counter as you measure your words.

“Hey Chris, can I get whatever will get me buzzed the fastest?”

Chris laughs, nodding, “Sure, Y/N, can I ask why?”

You knew that question was coming, and you cleared your throat.

Feeling the heat creeping into your cheeks, casting a brief look back at the table where everybody was sitting, laughing and engrossed in different conversations. You could see Nina shimmying her way around Connor to sit where you had sat next to Will.

Watching the scene with a jolt of irritation, you see her pressing up close to him. The conversation already seems intimate, and you can’t look away. Only brought back by Herrmann’s gentle call of your name.

“Sorry, Herrmann…Um, I was going to, uh, ask Will something important, I need something to quieten the nerves before I chicken out.” The words come out, but you can already feel your mind changing direction, the urge to abort the plan was growing fast.

Herrmann nods, holding his hands up in understanding, “Say no more. Good luck to you, kiddo.” Grinning as he pours you a few shots, he always was a champion for the romantic.

You hold out the shots to Chris in a ‘cheers’ gesture before knocking them back one after the other, feeling the liquid burn as it makes its way down your throat, a heat beginning to thrum in your veins. This was exactly what you needed, for better or for worse.

With the shots down and the confidence blooming in your chest, you say your farewell to Chris and start to shimmy through the crowd back to your table. You’re just passing where Matt Casey and Kelly Severide are sitting when your eyes lock onto an unwanted sight ahead of you.

Nina’s arm is looped snugly around Will’s waist, and he is the same in kind. You watch as he leans down to listen to something she’s saying, concentrating on her words over the hubbub of the bar, it makes him turn to smile at her.

From your position, you can even see the mischievous twinkle in Will’s eyes, and like a slow-mo car crash you feel your stomach drop as Nina leans up and Will leans into a kiss.

You’re frozen. Your trance was only broken by Casey’s concerned call of your name.

You blink, willing yourself away from the sight of your best friend making out with someone else. Turning to see Matt and Kelly watching you carefully like you were going to disintegrate at any moment.

“You alright, Y/N?” Kelly asks, standing from his chair to move closer to you.

There’s a ringing in your ears, and the full rush of embarrassment threatens to consume you, even if nobody else knew what you were thinking or how you felt. You felt transparent.

Eventually, you bring yourself to answer the firefighters, pushing a smile onto your face. “Yeah, I’m good, guys. Sorry, I just remembered I’m late for something else. Tell the others I’m sorry I had to go?” You ask hopefully, not at all in the mood to show your face again at your corner of the large gathering.

They nod, wishing you a good evening, and telling you to be safe. To which you nod back, reassuring them that you would be fine and that you would see them soon.

Ducking your head as you turn around toward the door out of Molly’s, offering Herrmann a half-hearted smile as he watches you leave, feeling sad that he would know your plan had gone awry.

Then, you were gone.

Unbeknownst to you, Will had not been pleased when he discovered your absence through Casey and Severide. It wasn't annoyance, but rather concern.

He got a sinking feeling when he found out you’d gone home, in the back of his mind he started to worry that you’d seen the kiss between him and Nina. On paper, he had no reason to fear that possibility, and yet it nagged at him.

You'd never expressed an interest in Will, and he had been desperate to not be too forward with you, he never wanted to give you the impression that you were a rebound or a distraction after Natalie.

If pressed, he would admit that his thoughts on being with Nina weren’t the soundest or most logical, yet he didn’t know what else to do. With Nina there was something to the dynamic that never got too deep, it never scared Will as it did when he thought about having something with you.

He knows it’s not fair to you or Nina to think that way, yet here he was. There was too much to lose by asking to date you, your friendship was cherished by him and it had to be protected.

Will messages later that night, asking if everything was okay. He wasn’t sure if you would answer at all, but the “Yeah, all good. Just forget I had something I needed to do. See you Monday!” went some way to quiet his worry.

Even if the seeds of doubt continued to grow.

[5 Months Later]

It had been an extra layer of sucky when you discovered Will was not only dating Nina but also moving in with her. Ever since that night at Molly’s, you had done your resolute best to act normal, to not freeze Will out or feel resentful.

He had asked a few times if something was wrong or if something had happened, but you didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth - what point would there be to hearing him tell you he wasn’t interested in you like that? It was easier to play it as cool as you could, being happy for Will like a good friend should.

Being invited to the housewarming was a real test of your resolve, however.

It was gone 7am at Med, the 7:30 shift was due to start rolling in at any moment, and you were wrapping up your patient notes from the night before.

Maggie was hovering beside you, she had come to investigate whether you were going to the Halstead-Shore housewarming, to which you’d pulled a face and she understood.

“Did you ever ask him if it was something more?” Maggie asks cautiously, trying to help you not feel so utterly rejected by someone who apparently didn’t even know they were rejecting you.

“No…I didn’t…but, oh Maggie, I’m still in shock at how I’ve got this so wrong.”

“Honey, you’re not an idiot, there must have been something there, alright? That man is like a brother to me, and I more than know his capability to charm. I've been trying to steer him right for years, but his dating game and communication skills aren’t always to the standard of his doctoring finesse.” Maggie smiles sympathetically, wrapping an arm around you with a small squeeze.

The charge nurse had offered to intervene a few times, but you didn't think it was fair to drop that on Will just because you didn't want someone else to have him.

You sigh, resting your head on her shoulder. Watching discreetly from behind the pillar at the nurses' station, Will passes Nina her coffee and kisses her cheek, no doubt promising to share lunch with her later.

You resist the juvenile urge to make a gagging sound and gesture with your fingers in your mouth.

Then, Will turns to move in the direction of the nurses’ station to get to the on-call room. You hastily disperse from Maggie’s comforting embrace and busy yourself with a computer, pulling up your last patient’s records, scrutinising them as if your life depended on it.

Breath held, eyes downcast, you dare not look as you feel Will’s approach, his fiery copper hair visible from the corner of your eye.

You type some sporadic notes at the bottom of your patient’s file, making a mental note to yourself that under no circumstances would you save the incoherent spiel once you were done avoiding the redhead.

Yet, there’s no such passing of the moment, Will makes a direct approach to you, a smile on his face as he watches you “concentrate.” His palm is warm on your back as he greets you, a cheerful tone to salt your wounds, “Good mornin’, Y/N.”

There’s a battle within to avoid sighing too loudly, you search for composure as you lift your head with a painted smile. “Morning, Will.”

“You’re here early?” Will queries, apparently convinced by your performance.

“Late, actually. I got called in to cover a shift, now my cover is a no-show, so now I’m taking my one.” Will frowns with a nod, knowing what was coming next.

He hadn’t been totally oblivious to the change in your mood lately, he just wished you’d get mad or say something, the silence was worse.

The more time passed, the more the sense of a moment missed weighed on him. He wished he could have put aside his fear and come right out and said “I love you!” all those months ago, but then after that night at Molly’s things had taken an altogether different turn.

With Dr Shore it was different, she had been a friend and a colleague too, but if Will was being honest, he knew it didn't ground him or scare him like his relationship with you did.

Between him and Nina, they understood the casual and mutually beneficial nature of being together, of sharing an apartment, and they had both agreed that they would take it as easy as possible.

You grimace, looking for absolution. “I’m really sorry, Will, I won’t be able to make it for your housewarming, I’m gonna need some shut-eye once this day is over.”

It’s the best excuse to not go to your nice new place and watch you be domestic and loved up with someone who isn’t me. You think to yourself, smiling apologetically.

“It’s alright, Y/N, it can’t be helped, we’ll miss you though.” He smiles too, a sadness settles in his eyes and you do feel a slight pang of guilt. It was for the best though, you decided.

He could spend the evening with his girlfriend and enjoy himself, and you could be spared from that. Your eyes struggle to steel themselves into an expression of unbothered and normal, Will catches a flash of it.

He squeezes your shoulder, trying to ignore the mantra of his own internal voice, the one that told him he had a mistake with you and, consequently, a mistake with Nina.

He couldn’t afford to think that now, not even if he wanted to.

“I better, you know…” He gestures to the on-call room, needing to put his stuff away and change into scrubs.

“Of course, yeah, you go ahead. See you in a bit.” You shoo him away, watching with a gnawing sensation in your gut. You couldn’t avoid this forever, you would have to face it head-on at some point.

However, as cruel fate would have it, as it often does, your replacement chose that moment to announce themselves. Dr Kumari had resolved their engine troubles with the help of a passerby, so here they were to relieve you of your double shift.

You had tried to somehow find a way to prevent Will from finding out, but that was impossible as soon as Dr Kumari had made themselves known and he had seen you with your coat and bag.

“Oh sweet, that’s great. Get some rest and we’ll see you later?” Will asks, hopefulness renewed. Maggie glances at you from across the nurses’ station, that sympathetic look was back as she offered an encouraging thumbs up.

You wanted so badly to find another way of squirming out of the obligation, but you weren’t looking to be an utter asshole to Will, he clearly valued your presence at this housewarming and, after all, you were still friends.

“Yeah, for sure! See you later, 7pm right?” You check, ignoring the cold thrum of anxiety that had started to tingle in your veins.

“Yep, 7pm, let me know if you get stuck finding us, our street is a little weird.” Will smiled, Cinderella could go to the ball and Will was elated to hear it.

You nod in acknowledgement of what he was saying, saying one more goodbye before turning towards the exit, letting yourself walk a considerable way out of Will’s eye line before exhaling defeatedly.

Now you’d need to buy some wine or a plant.

Despite your reluctance to even go to the housewarming, you had meandered into an ‘oddities and thrift’ store on your way home and found some gifts for Will and Nina. The store’s name ‘The Past and The Curious: Chicago Thrift’ had totally tickled you.

After being in danger of spending a whole shift’s worth of time in the three-storey building full of trinkets and history, you had stumbled across a few items that you thought would be cool to give them.

One was an old 50s dartboard that had both a traditional format on one side and a baseball format on the other; you knew that Will enjoyed a game of darts, and you were pretty sure you’d seen Nina outdoing a fair few colleagues at the bar on several occasions.

As an extra, you had found a vintage Cubs pennant you thought would make for good decor. Satisfied with your treasures you settle up with the elderly woman who sat at a counter that looked like something out of the Wild West.

Letting yourself into your apartment, you’re grateful to take off your layers of cold-weather clothing, placing your items on the kitchen table where you could arrange them in a gift bag later. For now, you are ready to eat, nap and then take a shower.

However, once you’d had some soup and put on your comfy clothes, the initial excitement over your purchases started to fade. As you roll over in bed, eyeing the red numbers displaying 11am, you feel the knots in your stomach ache in the background.

Exhaling frustratedly you shift again under the covers, desperate to find slumber in the plumpness of your pillows.

It’s Jay that answers the door at Will’s new apartment, apparently, he had taken on the role of security but also cloakroom clerk. Offering to hang up your jacket, take your gift bag and find you a drink.

“How’s it going, Y/N?” Jay asks casually.

With a swallow of the urge to spill your lovesickness to him, you smile, “All good, thanks, Jay. How about you?”

Jay lets out a small laugh, one that seems full of knowledge and scepticism with regard to your answer. “I’m good, Y/N, business as usual for me.” Jay doesn’t say anything else, but he’s looking at you differently, speaking without saying a damn thing.

You sometimes hated that Halstead smugness, it was clearly a genetic trait both boys shared. You were now sure he knew something about this whole debacle, but you didn’t know what.

You follow Jay through the small hallway into the front room where familiar faces are already gathered in different pockets of conversation. You spot Maggie and Sharon on the couches, with Will and Nina hovering nearby, and you spot Connor in the process of joining their group.

Jay sidles up to you with an extra beer in hand, seemingly getting it from thin air as he nods in Will’s direction.

The detective takes a sip of his own drink, again with that glint in his eye that makes you want to push him into the obnoxiously large cactus in the corner of the room. “Are you gonna say hey, or are we keeping a safe distance for the evening?”

You glance at Jay, a glare flashes across your features, settling into a frown and a half smile. You could tell Jay, for all his teasing, was actually looking out for you. He must definitely know how you feel about his brother.

A sigh escapes you, taking a swig of your beer. “Who told you, and why?” You ask, slightly disappointed that Maggie might have spilt to Jay of all people.

Jay chuckles softly, patting your shoulder. “Y/N, I got eyes. I see how you look at my pain in the ass, romantically challenged, brother.”

You’re about to say something when Jay continues, his face a little more sympathetic, maybe even sad, as he speaks. “And I saw you that night when they started canoodling, you looked pretty damn crushed. I had had my suspicions before then, but that night I knew. I wanted so badly to smack that idiot upside the head, but I didn’t know how you wanted to play it out. So I left it, and I want to apologise for not saying anything, but I figured you’d do what you wanted to do.” Jay shrugs, a grimace as he waits for your reaction, taking another swig to distract from the brief silence between you.

“Jay…” You start, your heart racing, and you half expect yourself to start crying but your brain protects you in front of all the people that could spot you break down. Surprising yourself as you remain composed.

“First and foremost, I’m not upset with you, why would I be? You didn’t know what I was thinking, and I had no idea you even knew as much as you do… I figured I’d let it be, who am I to stop him from doing what he wants? He seems happy, and we were long friends before we could be anything else, I don’t want to lose that.”

He nods, wrapping an arm around your shoulder in a comforting squeeze.

Jay is ready to continue, “Listen, I know he’s off with Nina, but you should know-” But Will’s voice bursts your private bubble and you almost jump out of your skin.

“Jay, you can’t use her as a shield from socialising with everyone.” Will approaches with a big smile, clearly glad to see you’d not abandoned ship at the last moment.

“Sorry, brother, just didn’t want you to bore her to death with the speech about where you got that cactus and the guy you got it from.” Jay grins, and Will rolls his eyes, steering you away from his brother towards Nina, Sharon and April.

You half-heartedly wave ‘bye’ to Jay, feeling the uptick in your nerves as Will’s hand stays on your back. “Glad you made it, Y/N, thanks for coming.” Your neck tingles with the softness in Will’s tone.

“Of course, Will, you got it.” You smile, internally cringing at your chipper tone. Your stomach flip flops at the slight brush of Will’s thumb on your back as he lets go, arriving at a stop next to Nina as you greet everyone.

The evening continues without incident, you find yourself enjoying it more than you thought you would. Nina turns out to be a good cook, having made a good proportion of the nibbles and snacks on offer from scratch. You even manage to have a few conversations with her, without feeling like you were suffocating under the secret you kept to your chest.

Will had kept a subtle eye on you throughout too, you had caught him a few times looking in your direction but for the most part, you weren’t tuned in to the way he worried about whether you were having a good time or not.

He also hadn’t missed the way you and Jay were talking earlier, he was itching to know what you were discussing but he didn’t want to intrude - the thought crossed his mind to pry it from Jay at a later date, which wouldn’t be easy.

Will was happy to have his friends around, and he really did think Nina was a great person, yet he couldn’t shake the gnawing wrongness in his stomach - the best way he could describe the sensation was “cold feet”. He sighs, refilling the ice box in the kitchen as he idly listens to the hubbub and music in the lounge, tuning in to the call of his brother requesting he hurries up in the kitchen

You’re sitting on a dining chair near the couch, next to Maggie as she squeezes you. You nod to reassure her that you were doing good, smiling as she keeps a comforting hold on your arm.

Nina and Jay stand at the front of the gathering, a natural aisle down the middle had formed to allow Will back into the room and to the ‘centre stage’.

Will sets down the ice bucket back on the refreshments table and faces his friends who are still chattering to each other, waiting for the speech to be made, a blush on his cheeks as Nina clanks her glass.

Will catches your eye for just a split second, you take a swig of your second drink of the night, a smile and a small silent cheers gesture to him before you look away and focus on something else.

Nina smiles brightly at the hush as she begins to speak, “Hey everybody. Um, thank you so much for coming. Celebrating with the people who know me and Will best, it means a lot…”

That was strike one for you, your stomach tensed in readiness for what else Nina was going to say.

“...But there is something that most of you may not know about Will. He’s still got a lot of Med School debt, but he paid part of his way through it by singing at Irish weddings.”

There’s a gasp in the crowd, a titter of excitement as Jay picks up Will’s guitar. You and Maggie look at each other, and Maggie is grinning, eyebrows raised in excitement. Neither of you knew you were getting food and a show tonight.

“What?” You hear Will exclaim, and you snorted as you took another swig of your drink. This was going to be good.

Ah, that was right. He’d left his guitar out earlier, forgetting to put it back in the case and stow it away.

He was going to kill Jay.

Will half-heartedly protests, but Jay thrusts the instrument at his brother with that same shit-eating grin you’d seen many a time before, along with a quip about needing to pay rent.

Sharon even pipes up, and it’s sweet to see Will almost immediately agree. Like a mother asking her son to play, he wasn’t going to be the one to decline now. Only further encouraged by Nina and the cheer of the group in front of him, including you, he takes the guitar in his hands.

The hush from before settles around the room, listening intently as Will begins to sing and play the strings beneath his fingers.

“Baby

It's been a long day, baby

Things ain't been going my way

You know I need you here

To ease my mind

All the time”

At first, you’re stifling your giggles of excitement, because Will had a great voice that you’d never heard before. Not only that, but you knew Will would totally smack Jay upside the head for making him play in front of everyone, and it tickled you to no end.

“And baby

The way you move me, it's crazy

It's like you see right through me

And make it easier

You please me, you don't even have to try”

However, with that excitement came the deepest urge to cry. An urge that you smothered by drinking your beer and squeezing the napkin you had in your other hand in a vice grip. Maggie’s grip on you had tightened too.

Jay was watching his brother, and that glint of pride in his eyes wasn’t hard to miss, despite Jay’s hesitation on the whole moving-in situation, he didn’t want to butt in on Will’s life, Will seemed to be happy.

You watched the man you admired and loved play with ease, his voice was somehow soothing and shattering as you watched Nina look at him the way you do when he isn’t paying attention.

A tidal wave of emotions that you’d managed to suppress since that night at Molly’s came crashing over you with each word of the song, feeling your heart stutter wildly as Will’s eyes focus briefly on yours.

You can’t look away, not even if you wanted to, the tears that you had so doggedly fought against now spilt silently over and down your cheeks. Quickly wiping them away lest somebody, that wasn’t Maggie or Will, notice.

“Oh, because

You are the best thing

(You're the best thing)

You are the best thing

(You're the best thing, baby)

You are the best thing

(You're the best thing, ooh)

Ever happened to me”

Will’s eyes glisten too, his heart thundering in his eyes as he plays on autopilot for the rest of the song. In the surreal moment of everyone else’s joy, the doting look on Nina’s face, he is crushed to see the look of grief on yours.

Listening to his head and his heart, louder and clearer than he had in all those times of fear and doubt, Will knows now without question he’s made a mistake. A mistake that will certainly hurt Nina going forward, but there’s also a mistake that’s already hurt you.

The latter is something that Will can’t live with.

It feels like an eternity as you try to calmly get up from your seat next to Maggie, hushed murmurs between the both of you as you quickly and quietly tell her that you need to get going. She can see the anguish on your face enough to not try and convince you to stay, offering a sad smile and an encouraging squeeze as she promises to text later.

You dare not glance back at Will, only offering a polite smile and nod to Jay as you squeeze past him between the clusters of people who had resumed their chattering and merriment. He doesn’t push now, the teasing at the start of this evening now makes him feel somewhat dickish as he sees the pain in your face.

Unbeknownst to you, Will can’t tear his eyes away from watching you leave, the prickly heat of worry and dread spreads across his skin. The desire to go after you was clear on his features, lost in his own moment of realisation, too caught up in the tumbling down of his own walls to realise Nina was witness to it as well.

She had never been clueless about your connection to her boyfriend, but to your credit, you had never overstepped or even tried to enforce your place in his life. However, now, as she watches the silent revelation play out in front of her, it’s hard to ignore the sourness in her throat. Her new chapter of life had been closed as quickly as it had started.

After the last of the guests say their goodbyes, a heavy silence begins to fill the air of the apartment, replacing the lights and the laughter with a stillness that sits like dark, weighted, rain clouds that threaten a downpour.

Will puts almost entirely too much focus on clearing away scraps of food, crumpled napkins and used plastic champagne flutes for there not to be something so obviously wrong.

Nina glances at him from time to time, the energy coursing through her body going into putting the furniture back with haste. She can feel her hurt and anger building, but there’s also a resignation, she just wishes Will had opened his mouth sooner.

Eventually, she can’t take it, straightening up the dining table, she can’t help thinking about the fact that it’s a huge mercy that their landlord had included a 7-day grace period in their rental agreement.

“Are you gonna say something? Or do I have to do that for you too, even at the very end?” Her first shot is fired into the thick air, which makes Will’s shoulders tense. A slow lift of his head from the fascinating sight of the garbage bag in his hands to the woman he was about to let down.

“Nina, I-” The look on Will’s face already has her jaw clenching, he was about to try and soften the situation somehow, something she didn’t want or need. She only needed the truth.

“Will, I suggest you think very clearly about what comes out of your mouth next. Just be clear and be honest with me.”

Will pressed his lips together, recalculating his sentence now that he could see this was really happening, it was now or never to face up to the reality of his feelings.

“Nina? I haven’t been fair to you. You deserve someone as committed to you as you are to him, and I haven’t been that person.”

Nina inhales a sharp breath, hearing it aloud stings, but at least it’s the truth. “It’s always been Y/N, hasn’t it?”

Will blinks, swallowing, staring his transgressions in the face.

“You messed me around. You acted as if I could be the only person you’d want this future with, but all along you knew the truth. You knew deep down that Y/N was who you really wanted, and you let us go through all of this - in front of our friends too.” Nina’s rage is the quiet kind, the kind that doesn’t need screaming or erratic behaviour to convey the gravity of its source.

“I didn’t know she had feelings for me, not for sure, not until tonight… I-... I’m sorry, Nina. I have feelings for her, and I shouldn’t have ignored them. I should have been honest from the start, from that kiss at Molly’s. I shouldn’t have let myself pretend.”

“Oh well, I’m so glad you’ve seen the light tonight, no more pretending, huh? Wow.”

Will’s eyes shuttered closed for a second, there was no getting around the mess he’d made for Nina and for you.

“Nina, I care about what happens to you, I-”

Nina held her hand up, shaking her head. She didn’t need to hear any more about how much Will loved you or how sorry he was that he still wasn’t going to pick her. “Please just go, Will. Get what you need tonight, we can arrange our stuff at some point. I just need you to go, please. Now.”

Will nods, picking up his phone from the coffee table as he silently heads to the bedroom to pack some things. He would be reacquainting himself with Jay’s couch tonight.

You were more than thankful that the following day was a day off for you. You could very well put your personal feelings aside for the sake of the job, but it was a relief to be allowed to cry in your apartment under a duvet and mindlessly watch episode after episode of Mythbusters.

Even though your eyes were staring at the laptop screen, your mind couldn’t be further from focusing on what was in front of you. You couldn’t stop replaying over and over the way Will had really seen you last night, he knew the truth now and you would have to live with that reality - whatever that might mean for your friendship.

So much was your melancholic reverie that the texts you’d received from not only Maggie but Jay and Will had all gone unnoticed and unread. Each passing hour was just as lovesick as the one before it until you felt like you were climbing the walls.

At around 2pm you decide to take a shower, put on some real clothes, open the curtains and take yourself out for a walk to get some food and some sunshine on your skin.

You’re just checking the lock on your front door when noise from further down the corridor grabs your attention, you figured that when you turned it would be one of your neighbours going back to their apartment. However, when you register the figure in front of you, you almost wish you could unlock the door and hustle back inside without being spotted.

Will was approaching you, a look of concern on his face that you’d rarely ever seen unless there was a serious emergency in the ED. As he gets closer his exhaustion is apparent, with hair that was unkempt and redness in his eyes that spoke of little to no sleep.

You were confused, to say the least, last night should have been a great night for him and he should have gone to bed with Nina to forget all about you.

As you stand frozen on the spot, pondering what could have possibly happened to have Will so stressed out, you almost jump when Will comes to a stop in front of you. He shifts from one foot to the other, hands deep in his jean pockets to stop them from fidgeting or rubbing nervously at his neck.

“Hi.” He murmurs, his voice gruff from a dry throat.

“Hi.” You utter, voice tight. It now occurs to you that your face probably doesn’t look too much better, even the shower wouldn’t have magically erased the bags from tossing and turning, and the redness from crying.

“What are you doing here?” You ask curiously, trying not to sound too blunt or rude.

“Can we talk?” He asks carefully, waiting for you to be upset with him as Nina had been.

You swallow, stomach flip-flopping with the gurgles of hunger to accompany it.

“Sure…I, uh, I was going to take a walk and get lunch. Wanna come?”

Will nods, taking a breath. “Sounds good.”

It’s not even 5 minutes into your walk until the silence between you almost becomes unbearable. The idea of breaking that silence seems to occur to you both at the same time.

“Will, I-”

“I broke up with Nina.”

You stare at each other as the words sit in your brain, coming to a halt tucked to the side of the sidewalk.

“You broke up with Nina? The Nina who you’re sharing a new home with?” You don’t mean for the sentence to be so blunt, but you’re stunned at this turn of events.

“Yeah, that’s the one.” Will gives a pained and sheepish smile.

You’re frozen for a moment, trying to figure out if it was because of you without seeming too self-absorbed. Will seems to pick up on your thoughts, however, pacing slightly in front of you and as the words tumble past his lips, hands gesturing wildly as he tries to get his feelings across.

“And it is because I care about you, Y/N. I haven’t acted right at all, and I don’t expect you to suddenly feel ready for anything. Hell, I don’t even expect you to want to be friends anymore, but I couldn’t lie to myself, and I couldn’t pretend like losing you wouldn’t be the biggest regret of my life. I shouldn’t have hurt you or Nina the way that I did, and I’m truly, deeply, sorry… I love you, Y/N.”

It’s surreal to think that this is happening in the middle of the street, whilst the world bustles around you. You look into the wild, soft, brown eyes of Will Halstead and you’re met with the truth now. You can see it there, the same sense of fear, grief and hope that had burned so strongly last night as he played the guitar and watched you cry.

You expected to fling yourself into his arms and kiss him senseless, but in reality, you nestle in close to wrap your arms tightly around him, your head tucked into his chest as you sniffle.

The warmth of his hand cradling the back of you makes you feel safe, his lips gentle as they press to the top of your head. A strong hold on your waist as you sniff rather pitifully, full of relief and shock, speaking quietly as though any louder would shatter some sort of illusion, “Please, please don’t change your mind.”

Will’s laughter rumbles through his chest, planting more kisses on your face as you look at him, laughter pulled from you too as you see your own joy mirrored on him.

“That was a one-time thing, sweetheart. I won’t be changing anything for as long as you want me to be here.”

Fin.

tags: @resanoona - @elius-learns-to-write - @dumb-fawkin-bitch

#resa.3kfiestabingo #will halstead x reader #will halstead #chicago med #one chicago

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aliiveswrites · 3 months

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Looking for some queer fantasy action-adventure?

I wrote some books, hooray! Let me tell you a little about them.

The Epitome of Science trilogy is an urban fantasy series set in an alternate world, where clockwork technology reigns supreme and magic lurks in unexpected places. Our main protagonist is Mikalai Gloucester, a former bodyguard arrested for a crime he doesn't remember committing. He's released in exchange for helping the very man who destroyed his life, and soon finds himself caught up in a whirlwind of magic, colourful characters, kidnapping and mysterious demigods. And that's just in The Winding!

I wanted to write the sort of books I really wanted to read, with loads of queer characters who have lives and storylines beyond coming out and romance, where their queerness is undeniable but also not always the focus of the plot, since that was a really rare thing when I was growing up (let's be real, books with ANY queerness in them were rare in the 90s).

Here are some things you'll find within The Winding and The Ticking:

If they sound like something you'd be interested in, please check them out!

Where to find them:

They're published through an indie publishing house called Literary Wanderlust, and the ebook is available through their online bookshop. Since tumblr tends to bury posts with links to other sites, I'm not including any, in hopes that this might reach more people, but you can find their site with a quick internet search. The paperback copies are only available from LWL's site if you're in the US, but us non-Americans can order them through other sources, such as local indie bookshops!

Book 2, The Ticking, just came out in January and Book 3 is officially in the works!

#lgbtqia books #queer fantasy #urban fantasy #epitome of science #lgbt fiction #the ticking novel #the winding novel #the epitome of science #Literary Wanderlust

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ilookedintoit · 8 days

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Keith & Nicole's Shaky Start

Country singer Keith Urban and actress Nicole Kidman will celebrate their 18th wedding anniversary next month. They have for many years been the image of the stable, happy celebrity couple who have figured out how to balance their personal and professional lives. They both have active careers, but they shower each other with support and don't seem beleaguered by the pressures of public expectations, nor do they seem to suffer from lack of time together.

It's easy to forget that in late 2006, just four months after their wedding, they faced a turning point in their relationship when Nicole staged an intervention to get Keith to enter rehab. Those few months where he was in rehab were accompanied by a slew of tabloid stories featuring one main source - a woman from Nashville who claimed that Keith had cheated on Nicole with her during his downward spiral.

Before they became a prime example of a Hollywood relationship that actually lasts, they had to overcome what Keith called "the implosion of my fresh marriage."

2005

January 2005

Fellow Australians Nicole and Keith meet at the G'Day USA gala on January 15, 2005, in Los Angeles.

Nicole was about four years removed from her divorce from Tom Cruise. After their split, she'd also had an under-the-radar romance with Lenny Kravitz, revealing years later that they had actually been secretly engaged.

For his part, Keith had dated a veterinarian technician named Laura Sigler for about eight years after moving to Nashville in the early 90s as he tried to begin his country music career. (Rare pictures from Keith's relationship with Laura during the mid-90s were published here in the Daily Mail years later.)

Some sources report he and Laura were engaged, but it didn't last. He then dated model Niki Taylor from 2002 to 2004.

By the time he met Nicole, Keith had already been to rehab twice for substance abuse issues, with the first trip taking place in 1998. He finally got his first real taste of success in country music in 1999.

Though Nicole revealed she instantly liked Keith and gave him her phone number, he took four months to call her.

July 2005

Keith and Nicole are spotted out together, but her rep initially denies they are dating, stating that they are "just friends."

November 2005

Though they still haven't confirmed their relationship, Keith and Nicole have been seen together many times over the previous months. They reportedly bring their parents all together in Nashville to celebrate Thanksgiving, according to the New York Daily News. Star magazine also gets pictures of them walking arm in arm, and they are seen out antiquing with their families.

Nicole is spotted with a ring on her finger that sparks engagement speculation. At the time, Urban’s rep says, “Right now it’s just a rumor.”

December 2005

Keith and Nicole are photographed walking together in Nashville on Christmas Day.

Four days later, Keith’s ex-girlfriend snipes to The Sun about Nicole and Keith, taking some shots alluding to his previous addiction issues.

An old flame of the country singer calls him a former cocaine addict with commitment problems. “Nicole and Keith might date for a while – but it won’t last very long,” Laura Sigler tells the London newspaper the Sun, MSNBC reports. “I don’t know her, but I know him very well.” She continues, “There were a lot of lows with the drugs. I don’t have any dark past – he was probably the darkest part, but I’m on my own now, and I’m happy about that.”

Keith’s first manager from early in his career also expresses his doubts.

Gary Shaw, Urban’s first manager, also doesn’t think Nicole has a future with the country music star. “I’ll be very surprised if the relationship lasts,” said Shaw. “He is in it for the chase. He likes to go after what he wants and if he can’t have it, he wants it even more.” (Source)

2006

February 2006

They make their first official public appearance together when Nicole goes with Keith to the Grammys. He wins for best male country vocal performance.

May 2006

Nicole confirms she and Keith are engaged.

June 2006

Just a month after confirming their engagement, the two get married on June 25, 2006, in their native Australia.

July 2006

Fresh off their honeymoon in Bora Bora, Nicole and Keith are back in Nashville and celebrate the 4th of July watching fireworks. Pictures of them at a party at Buffalo Billiards are printed in The Tennessean.

September 2006

Nicole denies rumors that she is pregnant.

October 2006

On October 13, 2006, Nicole attends the premiere of her film "Fur" at the Rome Film Festival in Italy, without Keith.

On October 20, 2006, Keith releases a statement that he is entering rehab again, less than four months after their wedding.

Grammy-winning country singer Keith Urban has checked himself into a rehabilitation treatment center for alcohol abuse — less than four months after his marriage to actress Nicole Kidman. Urban released a statement Friday that said he entered rehab Thursday night with his wife by his side. His publicist would not give the location of the rehab center. "I deeply regret the hurt this has caused Nicole and the ones that love and support me," Urban said in the statement. Urban, who turns 39 on Oct. 26, has publicly acknowledged a former addiction to cocaine, but his publicist said Urban was currently being treated for alcohol abuse. "One can never let one's guard down on recovery, and I'm afraid that I have," the statement reads. "With the strength and unwavering support I am blessed to have from my wife, family and friends, I am determined and resolved to a positive outcome."

He will later say that Nicole staged an intervention to get him to go to rehab, flying home from overseas to ask him to get help.

"I went off the rails," Keith said. "I hadn't conceded to myself that I needed help and a new direction in my life." When Nicole learned about Keith's bender, she booked a flight back to the States and reached out to some of Keith's closest friends and allies, mostly from Nashville, and arranged an intervention. Soon enough, Keith was sitting in a room surrounded by his wife and a group of people who genuinely cared for him. "The love in that room in that moment was just right," Keith told Oprah Winfrey. "To see love in action in that way ... I'd never experienced anything like that before."

Keith had a show booked at the Mohegan Sun Casino in upstate Connecticut, but rather than plugging in and playing, he packed his bags and checked into the Betty Ford Center at Rancho Mirage, California, on October 19. (Fellow rehab-er Tommy Emmanuel said that Betty Ford was right for Keith. He believed it had a "really good, solid programme".) As Keith described it, "The night I went in, it was total surrender." His mantra — which sounded a lot like one of his lyrics — was "Let's do it and let's do it right this time." Keith even left behind his guitar, as he had done during his time at another rehab centre, Cumberland Heights. It was a massive sacrifice for such an obsessed musician. But part of his rehab was the need to discover who he was away from music, which had defined him pretty much all his life. As Keith would tell a reporter, "I had to find out, 'What am I doing and why do I do it?"' (Source)

His trip to rehab is big news, and while more careful publications like People approach the topic with somber tones, other tabloid stories will start to ramp up, beginning with claims about Keith's behavior at a Nashville bar in October while Nicole was away.

According to one report:

Country crooner Keith Urban is in rehab battling his demons, and one of them appears to be named Amanda Wyatt. Life & Style quotes two witnesses who watched Urban drunkenly hook up with the model on Oct. 6 at a bar in Nashville. Says an unnamed witness: “I watched them kiss for 20 minutes straight.” Adds another: “It was almost like, ‘Get a room!’ … I don’t think they knew what they were doing, they were so out of it.” (Chicago Tribune)

November 2006

Nicole is seen visiting Keith at the rehabiliation facillty.

December 2006

At the end of December, Amanda Wyatt, the subject of that Life & Style story, gives an in-depth interview and claims Keith cheated on Nicole with her during their engagement. The link provides a much longer story, but here are some excerpts according to that article:

"I feel sorry for Nicole. Keith cheated on her repeatedly with me, right up to just before they got married,'' Wyatt says. "He's done it once, and he'll probably do it again. "I know him as well as anyone, and while he can be charming and loving, he is also someone who is constantly fighting his demons. "I hope their marriage works - but leopards don't change their spots. Keith is a great guy who has everything, but he is never truly happy.'' "I tried not to fall in love with him, but we were together throughout the whole time he was dating Nicole and engaged to her, right through 2005 and until around May, 2006. "Looking back, maybe he came to Nashville and partied with me because he could do things with me he couldn't do with Nicole. "He has his demons. I'm sure she didn't know about his drug use but it was so obvious when he was with me. Maybe he kept it hidden from her." "Then, around May, he suddenly turned cold and stopped calling and replying to my texts. "They got married in June.'' Wyatt says she last saw Urban in October - a meeting she is reluctant to discuss. But a US magazine reported that Wyatt and Urban had been seen kissing and cuddling in a Nashville bar while Kidman was at the Rome film festival. A witness was quoted as saying: "They were all over each other kissing and touching. It was like: Get a room!'' At the time, Urban's Los Angeles publicist dismissed the story as a fabrication. But within days, the country singer had checked himself into rehab.

One note about that - the Life & Style story said witnesses saw Keith and Amanda together on October 6, and Nicole was at the Rome Film Festival October 13, so there is a discrepancy there.

Wyatt is also quoted in The New York Post on December 27, 2006.

Wyatt said Urban continued to bombard her with sexually charged text messages even as things got hotter between him and Kidman. “He would text me when he wanted to see me. Every now and then, he would call me to see how I was doing,” she said. “I would say half the texts he sent me, from the time he was linked to Nicole to the day he got married, were sexual.”

Meanwhile, on December 28, 2006, Keith is seen with Nicole while on a break from rehab.

Keith Urban has reunited with wife Nicole Kidman in Sydney, Australia, where she spent Christmas. But lest you're wondering, he's not out of rehab just yet. In response to a query by the Associated Press, his publicist, Paul Freundlich, said in an e-mail: "Keith is on a leave in Australia to be with his family during the holidays. This is a natural occurrence at this point in his treatment. He will continue with his rehab upon his return." Urban, 39, who has had drug and alcohol problems, checked himself into a center in October, with Kidman by his side. He flew into Sydney on Tuesday, the Australian Associated Press reported. Cameras caught Kidman, also 39, and Urban holding hands as they left the United International Pictures office Wednesday. The Aussie-raised couple said nothing to the media as they walked to a car and were driven away. We could assume they were not responding to questions about a report over the Christmas weekend that Urban had an alcohol- and drug-fueled affair with a lingerie and catalog model named Amanda Wyatt, 23, right up until he married Kidman in June. The source of the story in the Daily Mail of London: Wyatt. (Source)

There is some doubt cast on Amanda's story - some articles examine Keith's tattoos in pictures of him with Amanda meant to prove their affair, and speculate that the photos were taken before Keith ever met Nicole, because of the fact that he had subsequently gotten one of them covered up.

According to the Associated Press: "An Urban spokesman says it's all fiction."

2007

January 2007

Keith completes his stint in rehab and his publicist announces that he will be going back on tour in April.

In late January, he posts a mesage to fans on his website, stating that he initially planned only to stay in rehab for 30 days but realized it would be best for him to complete a 90-day treatment.

The 39-year-old country singer, who has publicly acknowledged a former addiction to cocaine, said he decided to stay for three months because he realized that learning to abstain was only part of the process to recovery. “Learning about abstinence was one thing, but then there was all this other area of my life to start learning about, and so 30 days became 60, and 60 days became 90, and with each week that passed I found myself really learning how to surrender,” he said. “There was no big cataclysmic event that happened right before I went in,” Urban said. “It was a lot of small things that were happening in my life, a lot of small moments that were starting to accumulate that were telling me very loud and clear that I was a long way from my program of recovery, and they were making my life unmanageable.” (Source)

February 2007

According to an archived article from defunct website "The National Ledger," supposedly Wyatt apologized to Keith and Nicole via WKRN Nashville. I can't find the original story from WKRN anywhere, and no other outlets reported on this that I can locate, so I'm unsure how legit it is because this seems like it was a site for amateur writers. But if it is true, this is supposedly what she said to the TV station:

A report from WKRN of Nashville now says that Wyatt wants to apologize. Wyatt said that since her story came out, Urban's people have contacted her, and now she just wants to move on. She said, "I apologize to everybody I hurt. I'm trying to move on with my life and career at this point." Amanda Wyatt claims the tabloids approached her about running a story on her relationship with Keith Urban, not the other way around. Wyatt thought if she shared her side, it would set the record straight. Now, she said that's not what happened. A report on the TV stations website notes Wyatt's life turned upside down after the tabloid published details of her relationship with Urban. Wyatt told News 2 in an exclusive interview that most of the print about her is inaccurate. She said, "Everything out there has been fabricated and not much of it is accurate."

November 2007

A year after rehab, Keith covers People Magazine, praising Nicole for getting him through his tough time.

Last October your life seemed perfect – yet it was at that moment that you re-entered rehab. Why? I was going to lose it all. It was like, “If I don’t choose this moment to do the right thing and do something that’s going to give me life, all of the things I’m scared of losing, I’m going to lose anyway.” I knew very well right then that this is actually going to be the best, strongest road to get me back to the two things I love, which are my home life and my career, and finding the balance in those two. I need them both…” Both you and Nicole have said it made your marriage stronger. Oh God, yeah. Some of these things happen in marriages many, many years into it, and you work through them. It’s like moving into a house, and the house burns down; we get to build a new one together. Nicole listened to her heart and did what she felt was the right thing to do. To see that kind of love in action, that’s very moving and deeply inspiring and just makes me want to be a better man.

Keith and Nicole went on to have two daughters together in 2008 and 2010. Keith has talked about this tumultuous period in his life and their marriage several times over the years.

“I was very, very blessed to have Nic call an intervention on me. I had a tight group of friends around me for the intervention," Urban told Rolling Stone in June 2014. "I didn't give a s—t about anything except turning a corner in my life and doing whatever it took for that. And off I went.” “I caused the implosion of my fresh marriage,” he recalled to Rolling Stone in June 2016. “It survived, but it’s a miracle it did. I was spiritually awoken with her. I use the expression ‘I was born into her,’ and that’s how I feel. And for the first time in my life, I could shake off the shackles of addiction.”

Though Keith has given Nicole much credit for getting him through that time, she has said the lesson she learned was that ultimately, it was all up to him to help himself.

Kidman told PEOPLE and Entertainment Weekly‘s editorial director that she would advise the loved ones of an addict “to get help. To put your hand up, to reach out. There is absolutely help out there. You can’t save somebody, they’ve got to save themselves.” That lesson, she explains, “is a very big thing for people like me who go, ‘I can take care of you. I can do it.’" Instead of trying to do all the work herself, Kidman realized, “At some point, you just have to say, ‘I love you and I’m here when you decide to do the work. If you don’t, then that’s it.’"

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lauramkaye · 7 months

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Mando'a is for Lovers, Part 1

So, you want to write a Mando romance? (Sure, we all do!) And you think conlangs are Neat and want to include Mando'a for some flavor? I cannot blame you, friend! They ARE neat! But you're getting kind of stuck because Mando'a seems to be like 80% made up of military or weapon terms and/or insults?

I AM HERE TO HELP.

But I'm gonna have to do it in multiple posts because um. I might have a lot to say and am really kind of a language nerd as it turns out.

SO this one will JUST be some helpful hints for specific words and phrases that could be useful in trying to write Mandos being lovers not fighters (at least at the time.)

Please let me know if you'd like me to write more of these (grammar basics, handy hints, translation help etc.) or to expand on any points, me and my ADHD hyperfocus would LOVE TO HELP.

(Note: I use mainly Mando'a from mandocreator.com because I like their online tools the best. A "dialect" of Mando'a is basically "one particular conlang hobby group that has made up some words that don't exist in the official sources." Other Mando'a dialects are available.)

Anyway, so, first thing:

You can't just write an English sentence, look up each word in a Mando'a dictionary, and then string those words together. Translation doesn't work like that. What you get will almost always make no sense - like those things you see when someone runs a sentence through Google Translate a couple times and then puts it back to English. This is doubly true because Mando'a was created to give flavor to books and video games and doesn't have anywhere near a complete dictionary, so a lot of the time you won't even be able to FIND the word you want.

This is how you get characters calling someone "my to hold in the heart forever."

There are many conlang nerds (myself included) who would happily help you figure out ways to say what you want to say, but for a shortcut:

Look below the cut for help with terms for: love and marriage, beauty/hotness, pet names, and compliments. Bonus: some vocabulary for getting frisky.

Love and Marriage

If you want someone to say "I love you" (the VERB form of "love"), use kar'taylir darasuum which means "to hold in the heart forever." You will need to CONJUGATE this like so:

I love you: ni kar'tayli gar darasuum You love me: gar kar'tayli ni darasuum I love him/her/them: ni kar'tayli kaysh darasuum

If you want to call someone "love" or "my love" ("love" as a pet name/endearment), the word to use is cyare (loved one/beloved) or possibly cyar'ika (darling/sweetheart). Your spouse/committed partner is your riduur. To get married, you say/swear/vow the riduurok. (NOTE that the riduurok is not 100% equivalent to a modern US marriage but this is the vocabulary post not the Mando Culture Meta post. Hit me up if you want me to make the Mando Culture Meta post.)

If you have read more than 2 or 3 Mando fanfics you likely already know about the riduurok but here are the vows, for completeness:

Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar'tome, mhi me'dinui an, mhi bajuri verde. (We are one when together, we are one when apart, we share all, we will raise warriors.)

If you want to talk about love as a CONCEPT (the noun form of "love") you're going to have to reword it somehow, because Mando'a doesn't have a canon word for that. A few suggestions: 1) reword the sentence to use the verb form 2) use another word, like guuror (to be fond of/to like/to hold affection for). Mando'a also has the very handy intensifier prefix ori-, so you could also say ori'guuror to mean "to like a lot/to be very fond of/to hold great affection for." 3) Think of another way entirely to say the thing you want to say, one that there ARE words for. (You have to do this a lot in Mando'a honestly.) 4) Use a metaphor. Mando'a is a very poetic and metaphorical language where the same words take on different meanings based on context. 5) use words relating to knowledge and remembrance. In Mando'a the concepts of love and remembering/knowing someone or something are VERY closely related.

Attractiveness

A couple related concepts here. Also note that if you are writing Mandalorian characters, they will have Mandalorian standards of attractiveness, of which physical appearance tends to be a lot lower-ranked than in modern Western culture. When you are part of a historically nomadic warrior culture in which most people wear armor all the time, you're gonna care a lot less about what they look like than what they act like and how they ARE, as a person.

Beautiful: mesh'la Very beautiful: ori'mesh'la More beautiful: mesh'lashya The most beautiful: mesh'lane

Note: for all these adjectives, you can add ori' to the front to make it "very [thing]", shya to the end for "more [thing]", and ne to the end for "most [thing]". Attractive (not relating to physical beauty but attractive as a person for other reasons): copyc

Don't mix copyc up with copik'la, which means "cute" but should only be used about animals and small children, not adults. (unless it's a pre-negotiated kink thing but let's save that for the advanced lesson.)

See also the section on compliments for other qualities Mandos find appealing and might use to sweet-talk someone.

Pet Names

cyare (love/beloved) and cyar'ika (darling, sweetheart) are the classic go-tos here. If you are married you can call them riduur (spouse/life partner). You could also use ner kar'ta (my heart), which I would argue works well in Mando'a since the way you tell someone you love them is literally to tell them that you hold them in your heart forever. The heart is actually very significant in Mandalorian culture generally; the elongated hexagon you see used in their designs and in the chestplate of their armor is called the kar'ta beskar (beskar heart) and is a culturally significant symbol.

A note on "-ika": using the suffix "-ika" forms a Mando'a diminutive meaning something like "little [thing]" with an affectionate connotation. Hence cyare (beloved) becomes cyar'ika (sweetheart, darling.) You can do this with names: you add -ika to the first syllable, so Jango would be Jan'ika, Din would be Din'ika, Boba would be Bob'ika. (Note- you can fudge the "first syllable" thing to make it sound better and be easier to say. "Bob'ika" flows better than "Bo'ika" but I think it's easier to say "Gro'ika" for Grogu than "Grog'ika.") Note that -ika is a lot like the Japanese -chan in that it generally connotes something young and cute more than something adult. So don't just deploy it at random. An adult calling their adult lover "-ika" is kind of like, say, calling Steve Rogers "Stevie" or possibly even "Stevie-poo" - it definitely can happen but there's a certain vibe to it that you might not always want. But you could still use it in conjunction with any of these other terms - like you could call someone your kar'tika (little heart) and get the point across.

If the person is being formal/poetic/archaic you might see them use ner runi (my soul), though this would not be commonly used by modern Mandalorians; think of it as like.... using terms from Shakespeare to compliment someone. It can work in the right context but it could also sound really pretentious.

There isn't a canon Mando'a noun that means "treasure" or anything similar, but there are adjectives for "valuable" (waadasla) and "important" (jaonyc) so you can work from there if you're flexible with your phrasing. (You can actually transform words in Mando'a into other parts of speech quite easily--there are simple and standard rules for doing it--but that's another post.)

You'll also see mesh'la (beautiful) used, though I tend to think that Mandos wouldn't emphasize physical beauty so much as other qualities they like, such as:

Other Things A Mando Would Compliment You On (could be platonic or romantic)

Being mandokarla (adjective) or having mandokar (noun) means basically "having all the qualities that make an ideal Mandalorian." The dictionary definition calls this "a blend of aggression, tenacity, loyalty, and a lust for life."

Having shereshoy (noun) - this is the "lust for life" referred to above, but that's a shorthand translation. Shereshoy is a Mandalorian cultural concept that means "the enjoyment of each day and the determination to seek and grab every possible experience, as well as surviving to see the next day - hanging onto life and relishing it." (a nice parallel for those who ship Mandos with Jedi is to the Jedi concept of being in the present moment!)

Loyal - verburyc (adj)

Stubborn/tenacious/enduring - atin (adj)

Aggressive (not necessarily negative) - verd'yc (adj) (note that "verd" is "warrior" - this is aggressive in a culturally valued way for Mandalorians and might also be used the way you'd use passionate, ambitious, etc in English. OVERLY aggressive/rude/intrusive would be something like "akaa'naryc" which has a connotation more like starting fights/instigating war.

Clever/intelligent - mirdala (adj)

Brave - kotep (adj)

Good - jate, very good - ori'jate, best - jatne.

Ramikadyc - this is one of those words that needs cultural context to really define. Verd is "warrior," Ramikad is "commando," and ori'ramikad is "supercommando" which is the term for elite special forces. Ramikadyc -literally "commando-like" - is defined as "an attitude that he/she can do anything, endure anything, and achieve the objective. A blend of complete confidence and extreme tenacity instilled in special forces during training. Can also be used informally to describe a determined, focused person." (Side note: ram'or means "to attack" and "kad" is "sword" so ramikad likely originally just meant "swordfighter." Possibly because you need more training to be effective with swords and blasters than blasters alone, this came to refer to a more elite class of soldier.)

Kandosii can mean both indomitable and ruthless, while kandosii'la means stunning or amazing.

Strength - a couple different words here. Kot (strength) and kotyc (strong). Dral, which means strong or powerful but can also mean bright or glowing. This leads to the question- how do you know which word to pick when there are multiple ones with the same or similar dictionary definitions?

My go-to is to look for other words that have similar roots, or canon phrases that contain one of the words, and use that to figure out the connotation/flavor/nuance that distinguishes the words from each other.

So for strength - do you use dral or kotyc?

You see the "dral" root in a few places: Dral'Han (the Annihilation - a more literal translation would be "bright annihilation" or "bright oblivion" and it is a reference to the glare of the orbital bombardment of Mandalore), draluram ("bright-mouth", a term for spicy food), and the phrase "nar dral'shya." (try harder/put your back into it.) The "kot" root appears in kote (glory), kotep (brave), kotir (to defeat, to overpower), and alli'kote (a clan's reputation.) From this, it seems like you might use "kotyc" to talk about physical/martial strength or strength that leads to victory or reputation, and "dral" to talk about more innate or existential kinds of strength/power.

Okay, so you can give the sweet-talk. What about the SPICY talk? (because Mandalorians love spicy food? get it?)

Some Potentially Useful Words For Sexy Stuff

naritir (v) - to insert, to put, to place. Note that if you wanted to do an imperative you would add "ke" to the beginning.

narir (v) - to act, do, put

Nar dral'shya! (phrase) - try harder, put your back into it. (We talked about this phrase above when discussing dral. "shya" at the end means "more [thing]" - it's the equivalent of adding "-er" to an English verb - so "dral'shya" here means something like "more powerfully". The "nar" is likely from narir (act/do/put) but could potentially also be from naritir (insert/put/place), so I think that it's quite possible for this phrase to have a double-entendre connotation something like "shove it in harder.")

Words for body parts - (note, in Mando'a you make a word plural by adding -e to the end if it ends in a consonant and -se if it ends in a vowel)

Hand/hands - gaan/gaane Finger/fingers - cer/cere Buttocks/ass/rear - shebs (note that this is referring to one entire butt; there isn't a word for a single buttock. "shebse" would be "asses" aka the butts of more than one person.) Arm/arms - irud/irude Chest - haalas (there is no word for breasts) Thigh/thighs - motuun/motuune Face - troan (this word also means "mask") Eye/eyes - sur'haai/sur'haaise

Words for THOSE body parts - okay look the Officially Licensed Star Wars Expanded Universe material isn't big on telling you how the GFFA says "cock" so you're going to have to use some creativity here.

Mando'a in general uses gender VERY rarely (in Mando'a, everyone's pronouns are they/them) and when it does, it's mostly in reference to like, animal husbandry. It's generally not going to be very well received to call someone jagyc (male) or dalyc (female) in a sexy context. It's more a medical/scientific thing because in Mandalorian culture biological sex is only relevant for medical/scientific/agricultural reasons and gender only matters in so far as it personally matters to you but is culturally largely irrelevant. Probably Mando OB/GYN vocabulary exists but it was apparently not deemed relevant to the Republic Commando tie-in game and novels that most Mando'a was developed for.

That said, there are definitely crude, Shakespearean-esque jokes including swords and sheaths and such - but these would be considered kind of raunchy and not something that everyone would appreciate. Anyway the words here are:

Kad (n)- sword, saber Dalab (n)- sheath, scabbard

And if you want some verbs, Mando'a has THREE words for stabbing: chekar, kalikir, and bikadinir. Chekar means to stab with a small blade - think "to shiv." Probably not the most complimentary metaphor but some people might be into that. Kalikir is to stab with a narrow blade - "to skewer". Bikadinir is to stab with a broad blade - "to run through." The way that these metaphorical uses might be interpreted are left as an exercise for the reader, ahem.

Big (and little) - Big is "ori" and small is "kih". In addition to using them on their own, you can also use them as modifying prefixes, where they CAN mean physically big or small but can also mean the equivalent of "very [thing]" or "slightly [thing.]" Note that "kih" (at the front) is small/little with no context about how you feel about the thing being described, while -ika (at the back) is a way to say "little" with an affectionate, cutesy vibe. So your ori'vod is your older/big sibling, your kih'vod is your younger/little sibling, and your vod'ika is your little sibling (affectionate.)

Hard (and soft)- you probably want muun (hard as in a surface or material) rather than urakto (hard as in difficult.) Soft or yielding is pel; do not use laandur (fragile) as that is considered an insult.

Tight (and loose)- sadly don't exist, but you can probably use novla (closed/shut) and tenn (open) to get the job done here.

Hole - palon is "hole." surdol means "an opening" or "a window," you could likely use this in a sexy context. I've seen people use "shebs'palon" to mean "asshole" but YMMV.

Hot (and cold)- hot is nadala, but this refers to temperature only. Hot as in attractive you want copyc, hot as in physically appealing you probably want mesh'la. Cold is ciryc.

Wet (and dry)- wet is piryc, dry is haast.

Show - tenganaar is "to show" or "to display" with a root from "open hand" (like you're showing something in the palm of your hand.)

Want - copaanir is the verb "to want." Me'copaani? is "What do you want?" or "what would you like?" vercopaanir (literally future-want) is "to wish" or "to hope" and vercopa is a wish or dream. If you say "Vercopa" followed by a statement, it means "I wish that/may it happen that." So like - "Vercopa mhi me'dinui an" would be "I want us to share all." Vercopa can also have a connotation sort of like the one when someone says "I'm manifesting this" - like, you are urging the universe to make it happen for you. The related word copad (noun) is an ambition or desire.

Okay that got really long but I hope it is helpful to someone! Because I've spent way too much time thinking about this. :)

#mando'a #mandalorians #conlang #mando'a is for lovers

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tentacledwizard · 4 months

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tumblr user tentacledwizard reviews: Employee of the Month

So recently [read: a few hours ago], @cgtg hosted a sort of movie night. The movie was Employee of the Month, starring Dane Cook. I joined it because I am always willing to expand my cinematic repertoire and also cgtg’s Davekat stuff is really good. Like I don’t even ship Davekat that much but their content is excellent. And the Sandler rap perfectly encapsulates my opinions on Adam Sandler as an actor, because ever since my dad played Billy Madison my life has been ok I’ll just do the review now.

So okay, I was prepared to have an ironically good time. I was convinced the movie would be 100% shit tier, just like Dave Strider said. But I should have known that Dave is not a reliable source. Because this movie was fun. I had a great time. When it comes to official reviews, I’ve seen mainly lukewarm/frosty attitudes towards Employee of the Month but *clears throat* Whatever.

Now, those who know me know of my passionate love for Home Depot. And if you didn’t know about this, now you do. I wrote a Home Depot/necromancy story in like 7th grade. Home Depot is paradise on earth. You could survive a zombie apocalypse in there. It has everything you need for survival- shelter, crops, energy drinks, etc. This movie basically takes place inside a Home Depot. I forget what the store was actually called. It doesn’t matter. You just need to understand that I love Home Depot so I will generally enjoy movies set inside Home Depots. That was a pretty big factor in my enjoyment. Never mind the fact that this was filmed inside a Costco.

Now onto the actual movie. By rom-com standards, is this a good rom-com? Ehhh. No. The main romance between Dane Cook and “Blond Tart” was half-baked. I saw nothing that distinguished the fair-haired love interest from the other rom-com love interests before/after her, except maybe her big ears. The pair had like nothing in common, mainly because I don’t really know about their interests? Gotta say that Dane Cook had far more chemistry with the other blond tart (aka the antagonist). I wasn’t rooting for the main couple. This is also partly because of the movie’s intense homosexuality. I am not even kidding. Their date was cute though, I just wish they actually had some things in common and we learned more about the love interest.

So basically the plot is that this guy Zack (Dane Cook) works at Fictional!Home Depot and he seems like kind of a “slacker.” He is rivals with a smarmy blond Eminem cousin named Vince (Dax Shepard), who seems like a “stand up guy.” Obviously he is a douche bag who flirts with everyone in a very unprofessional way. There’s some kind of subplot about the store trying to beat another retail place. Then this new employee (Jessica Simpson) waltzes into the place. (I could say she “breasted boobily,” but nah.) Her name is Amy and she allegedly has a thing for employees of the month. So Zack falls in love, but obviously Vince starts making some moves on her. Now Zack has to win Employee of the Month to get the girl, or else Vince will. (There was nothing to worry about though, he dates Amy without even getting the position yet. Also Vince is super awkward/gay.)

So let me just bullet point this. I’ll cover the characters/plot points/romance plots.

CHARACTERS:

Zack: The main character, Dane Cook. For everyone watching, there was this process of thinking oh no he’s cute and then falling in love with him. Look, he is actually pretty cute. I don’t make the rules. That dorky smile of his is great. He does have his flaws, like being focused only on his own problems. Dude just apologize. But they do get addressed. He’s a pretty good main character, and he really knows how to treat a girl. Home Depot date? SIGN ME UP. That’s going to be me some day, ok? I will meet some dude who shares my love for Home Depot and together we will wander the dusky aisles filled with all manner of appliances. Welp I kind of lost the plot. Anyway he has great date ideas. His little yellow car thing is a complete travesty but I will let it slide. Jorge has the better yellow vehicle but of course he does. Jorge is gangsta.

(guy has that Kubrick stare)

Vince: The main antagonist besides the nebulous “corporate.” At first he seems like a blond flashlight that draws in the ladies like moths. He truly seems like a suave douchebag. As the movie goes on, you learn that this is untrue (the “suave” part). He is really awkward. Probably the only person in love with him is my main guy Jorge (Efren Ramirez). More on that at ten. Anyway, Vince is really good at cashiering. He does an unprofessional little circus act with the products that makes the ladies allegedly swoon. He gets Employee of the Month many, many times. Can Zack possibly usurp him?? Who knows! So yeah, Vince is a sopping and pathetic fellow. At some points you want him to shut up, but at other points you feel this deep well of pity for his plight. Negative points for using the r-word once >:( but also hey this is 2006.

Amy: Uh. Ummm. Well she seems very friendly and… like a love interest. Uh… I’m sure there has to be more to her. Right? Oh well. Her big ears are pretty cute. Sadly, she doesn’t exactly have a personality or agency over the plot. I don’t really like plots that are just two guys fighting over a girl, except that turned out to not really be part of the movie so it’s fine. At least she called out Zack when he was being stupid, but that was mainly just to milk some drama. I think she and Lily should date.

Jorge: Jorge, the man that you are. Look, he is amazing and I cannot lie. What even is a salmon churro? The entire chat was yelling every time he was on screen. He first appears as Vince’s lackey, and he mainly helps out Vince with his various sabotage attempts. But he turns out to have more depth than that. He is like a short bug. He is willing to stab an old lady. Jorge is what we call “gangsta.” Everything he does is cool in a Jorge sort of way. He really made the movie. You can fight me on this.

Lily: The Human Resources manager. Okay, so she doesn’t have dialogue (I think) but I wanted to include her here because she is cool and really pretty and I had a minor sexuality crisis once she arrived on screen (it happens every other day. Don’t worry about it). I like the lily in her hair. She was so real for accepting a bribe and eating that Butterfinger. <3

Grandma: She could be referred to as feisty. You could also say she’s bisexual. Kudos to her for keeping it real with Zack. The “seed of love” speech was…really dubious!

Boss man: Whatever is going on with him, it’s very gay. He outright says that he thinks/has thought about kissing guys. Maybe there’s something between him and the policeman? Anyway, I feel pretty bad that his older brother emasculated him. Not much else to say. He’s not exactly a paragon of professionalism, which is what makes this movie fun. He totally wants to be the fatherly boss but he fails. His lackey’s name is Dirk. Strider reference? You know it. (This was made 3 years before homestuck started).

BOSS Boss Man, aka Corporate Incarnate: Boss Man’s big brother, in the age sense. Okay, this guy kind of scares me. He is way less relaxed than Boss Man, and he certainly can drub people with canes. He runs a tight ship, so obviously he won’t stand for the main character mayhem going on.

Iqbal: I don’t remember a ton of stuff about him, but he is like a lot of my family friends. He deserves good stuff because he had to put up with Zack’s crap for longer than necessary. Do I have to cover every single character? How about we move onto the main thing: shipping. It’s not really the main thing, but I'm going insane over it so for me it is.

SHIPS:

Oh man okay, here we go. I already covered my very few thoughts on Zack/Amy so here are some ships that I find interesting.

Zack/Vince: Basically, the plot of the movie revolves around these two and their rivalry. I kind of doubt their hate is platonic. At one point Vince compares them to a pair of “old gay sailors.” Zack’s face really says it all, honestly:

Their scenes together had a ton of sexual chemistry. Intense Kubrick stares. Toreador-ish mop fights. Breaking into the other person’s house to make them late for work. You know. Like that. We all agreed that they are best summarized as “toxic yaoi.” Essentially, they are kismeses. Also, Vince is a complete mess around Amy but seems way more comfortable antagonizing Zack. I don’t think Zack is really into Vince, but it’s an interesting thought.

Vince/Jorge: Now this. THIS is the true romance of the story. You think I’m kidding? This is pretty much canon (or at least heavily implied). Where Zack and Vince had some sexual tension, these two have a Home Depot’s worth of romantic tension. They have so many little moments, like when they just kind of solemnly listen to music in a car (which turns out to be a bookend). They’re constantly around each other, and their relationship actually has an arc. Vince starts out kind of using Jorge as a henchman, but then Jorge goes against that. There’s a temporary breakup, and Vince kind of loses it. He has no one to talk to now. But he’s willing to pull himself together and give Jorge the space he needs to think things through. And THEN they have this big moment where they get back together as equals and it’s beautiful and okay it’s easier to just show you.

(Previous image) Here we have Jorge helping Vince with his dorky-ass heelies because Vince is trying to be a coolkid like Zack.

And then we have that whole moment over there. They’re holding hands! (Hurt/comfort moment tbh)

THEIR VICTORY DANCES?? HELLO?? This is adorable i can’t

Okay, this is blatantly romantic. The words “please, come home” imply that they share a home. Perhaps they are even… roommates? But look, the normally rude Vince is actually being considerate. And he calls Jorge “homes.” Jorge normally calls him that!

Full access to the cashier’s lounge? Jorge you mad lad.

Awww-

Okay I gasped aloud at this part. They are married. Or like they will be at some point in time. “It just feels right” yeah they are SO married. Look at the height difference. They are everything, as of four hours ago. This is cinema.

I can’t do this man why did I start reviewing this. They use each other’s pet names. Shit. Fuck you, Dane Cook movies. I hate feeling emotion like this.

yes, Jorge and Vince were the real romance subplot all along. They’re literally the last scene of the movie.

Look at the smile on Jorge’s face. Jegus. This ship is everything. These two were the real emotional core of the movie. Without them, I’d just be like “eh whatever at least it was fun.” But damn, they really delivered on the romance subplot.

Uh… Yeah I can’t really think of any other ships that I like. Vince/Amy sucks and they had nothing to say to each other. I like the idea of Amy/Lily, though! I think either of them could make employee of the month. I guess Amy/Zack is good for now though.

OTHER THINGS:

That clubhouse is awesome. Probably a big hazard considering it’s on top of that big shelf. But hey I want a Home Depot buddy lair too!

Vince saying he can get a little anal…. >:? Sir what.

Amy’s really out there auspiticizing for Zack and Vince huh? She deserves good things for having to put up with that

Why did it suddenly turn into a sports movie for a few minutes? Why were they playing softball against another hardware store? We may never know.

Banger soundtrack. 10/10.

And that’s a wrap everyone, catch me crying over the hug or making “ironic” fanart of Dane Cook and co. I really enjoyed this and I will hopefully be there for the next flick. Wow I wrote a lot about this movie. Uh. Consider it ironic, I suppose.

#m writes #movie review #review #dane cook #employee of the month #movie

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hydrangeyes · 7 months

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Unnamed

So if you don't know, Yes this already existed, my old account was deleted (accident but I can tell I won't be getting it back), and am reposting my old x male reader works!

I don't know if I saved all of them but here is one that was saved to my AO3 account.

Edit: So shuffling through my docs It's been brought to my attention that wattpad (who I use as backup) Cut a lot of my fics in half??? anyway I'll be trying to fix that also

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Edit Nov.8.2023:

*Looks everywhere but at you* it..it was going to be pwp.

Botw link x male lynel hybrid

Warning: kinda slow burn, romance is there????, it is, courting, violence, slight misunderstanding, belly bulge, big dick, cum play, ass eating, blow jobs, pet play, overstimulation, nipple play/light torture, somniphilia, crying, light angst, public sex, voyeurism, switch link, switch oc, updated as I write lmao, this is pretty slice of life tbh, just with porn, ruts/heats, This is some wild shit, Wow google search please don’t

Are you telling me lynel's exist and someone hasn't once thought "maybe 👀 these centaur babes can get it?" Cause I honestly don't believe that.

================================================

Chapter 1: I love Chabi, I feel like she would be a gremlin.

Note: Puuuuuure self-indulgence. Like listen my brain went brrrrrrrrr, this is for fellow monsterfuckers

Traveling after fighting Ganon all at once was rather...fun. Maybe it’s because he went straight to the source of evil and somehow lucked out. And now don’t have a sense of urgency to get to that end goal. The collecting of his memories happened right after as well and by then the princess herself wanted to truly rest up before traveling with him.

He didn’t like the thought of leaving her behind, but he felt a little more at ease that at least she would be staying with Purah for the time being.

Link shivers as he tugs up the fur around his neck. Snowfield was feeling extra chilly for some reason. He moves a little faster, shuffling through his pockets as he ate one of his emergency peppers. Imagine his relief when he sees the stable just up ahead with a few of the tiny town’s stacked together houses.

“Ah, link!” A voice calls to him once he steps in. The tavern/horse stable wasn’t too packed thank goodness but there was a familiar face. Chabi grins waving at the surprised Hylian.

Chabi and he became pretty good friends after the handful of times Link has saved her as well as traded monster parts with her. She mainly stuck to warmer places and just barely the edges of goron city. It seemed she was acting as an in-between for Kilton and fellow travelers. But being so far from the usual land she would circle in?

“Chabi? A bit far from the base aren’t you?” Link said softly with gesturing to the whole thick woven sweater she was in. Giggling chabi smirks puffing out her chest. “Call me the official Monster tradesman! I’ve started traveling a little further out for those rare materials. Kilton even gifted me with some weapons that’ll protect me better!” she starts up, gesturing him to join her at the little table she was sitting at.

“And so I thought why not start the one place I know the boss doesn’t care to visit. He doesn’t like the cold, he says it makes his feet clammy.”

Link holds back the many questions that pop up in his head about that. Best to store that away with the other questions he has under Kilton’s name. “I..see. So Snowfield was your first stop or?”

“Hm? OH no hehe. Rather some interesting rumors brought me here.”

Feeling like this will be a long one Link waves over a barmaid to buy some spicy curry and hopefully a few fish skewers. Maybe buy a bed for the night as well, just in case, the others get taken.

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“-And so there I was! Hearing about a lynel wandering between the mountains and near the ruins! And oh I just had to see for myself, maybe ask for a few loose fangs or toenails you know?”

“No. I don’t know.” Link muttered into his drink. It felt like hours since she started this story, before finally getting to the point. He learned way more about how to skin mokoblin guts than he wished. Anyway- “I doubt they would give you a fang but what’s this about it traveling to the ruins?” As far as Link knew most lynels up here were feral or didn’t live anywhere close to the ruins.

“Well, which ruins now that I think about it…” Link asks as Chabi finishes up the last fish skewer.

“Mhh, Well I say ruins but really it’s the forgotten temple.”

Now that got his attention. What could a lynel want in that guardian-ridden place??? Link frowns leaning back o think about it. That temple of any was the most dangerous and well...Link couldn’t help but feel a little responsible since he didn’t exactly break down the guardians still in there. He was still getting the hang of dealing with those, much less the mobile ones.

The thought of those stalkers since a bone-deep type over shiver. “Why don’t you let me check out if the rumors are true or not. I know you can take on a hoard of bokoblins but even when they’re going easy on you lynels are tough, and rather approach you than vice versa.”

Chabi yawns pouting a bit, sleep probably just now getting to her. “Mm, I suppose. If you can leave them a welcoming message to trade with me please?” she half pleads and half demands. Link nods getting up for a stretch, absolutely happy that she didn’t stop him. He was ready to collapse on the nearest free bed. “I will, soon as I get up I’ll head on over okay?

“Link if I wasn’t so devoted to the boss, I could just kiss you right now!”

“Please don’t.”

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End Notes:

Basing a lot of this on my 3 playthroughs of botw. And I played them chaotically, as well as just overall making some things up. I kinda want there to be a lot more people in the botw world, like stables have small villages of their own (tarrey town size at least).

I have a whole dnd esc Au for this where most monsters have their own tribes etc. but lynels, Lizalfos, and maybe wizzrobes interact with humanoids and trade with them. Except for maybe wizzrobes, I feel like they’re more steal your shit and bargain it back, type people.

This issss planned to be very long like, there’s a whole courting arc I have in mind, If you’re here just for the porn, it’ll be marked.

Anyway, this will all probably be unedited and sloppy. It’s for fun and the chapter lengths will probably vary as well. Idk why but I like the thought of the monster appreciators hooking us best friends (or partners) and link is just there, rethinking his life choices.

But again real talk I right this whenever my mind gets staticy so please excuse any grammar issues, the many run-on sentences, etc etc 👍

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Chapter 2: O-oh someone fucked a Lynel.

If there's one thing he loved about the snowy areas it was waking up to fresh snow in the morning or nights.

Breathing in that crisp air and starting his journey. Link rubs his cold cheeks, face a bit flushed.

But Chiba woke him up first thing and he will admit he was also wondering about this traveling lynel. The locals (at least the ones up) all mentioned how the lynel kept to themselves, and only came to buy directly from the farmer.

Makes him wonder if the lynel was checking out the area to maybe start up a new home. Shaking his head Link focused on climbing the hill and not sliding off.

#male reader #x male reader #Link x male reader #top male reader #Botw x male reader

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flurrys-creativity · 1 year

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Apaixonar

Apaixonar (v.) - to fall in love with someone or something; the act of falling in love

Pairing: Jackson Wang (GOT7) x Fem!Reader; Genre: s2l, Slice of life, Romance, Fluff, Smut; Rating: 18+, nsfw, MDNI; Warnings: rich prick Jackson, being kicked out of his home by his dad, mentions of regret, Bambam being fancy, having no money and getting kicked out of a taxi too, spontaneously moving into a shared apartment, jackson being quite the asshole, SMUT, phone sex via official services, masturbation, guided masturbation, slight nipple play, oral (fem receiving), orgasms (m & f), unprotected sex, pulling out and cumming on the stomach (not the safest option), hinted possessive jackson; Wordcount: 7.252

Summary: In need of a new roommate you weren’t too picky and when a handsome stranger told you he wanted to be your roommate you didn’t say no. Though you didn’t expect to be so different from him and you definitely didn’t expect to work more now instead of less. Actually you didn’t expect a lot of things with your new roommate.

A/N: For once I managed to post something during an idol’s birthday!!! Ignoring the fact I only managed this on the third attempt... Happy Birthday Jackson Wang from China!!! Please enjoy this one shot (where I tried writing solely from his perspective)

Frustrated, Jackson kicked against his suitcase, growling internally when the pain shot from his toes up through his body. He ran his hands through his hair and looked around through the empty streets.

Banished from his home by his own father he was forced to leave. Hoping he could take refuge at his best friend's place, he had called a taxi but as soon as the driver heard Jackson had no money with him, the driver kicked him out as well, cursing loudly and driving off again. He successfully left Jackson standing alone in the middle of the streets with his suitcase.

Maybe it was actually for the better that Jackson couldn’t make it to his friend’s place. Even though he loved Bambam and always threw parties with him, living together was a completely different level though. He remembered how they had been on a vacation together and were supposed to go out but it took Bambam hours to decide what pair of shoes he wanted to wear.

Of course Jackson hoped it would only last a few days until his father would calm down and ask for his son to return but Jackson couldn’t be sure of that. Never before had he seen that look in his father’s eyes and he didn’t want to admit it but it scared him. It scared him enough to worry his father might stay stubborn and reject his own son for a while.

Jackson sighed and noticed only now that he had no clue where he actually was, never having been in this part of the town before. With an annoyed click of his tongue he pulled his phone out of a pocket about to check his location when the minute he turned the screen on his phone decided to die in his hands.

This wasn’t the way Jackson had planned his Saturday night to go. He cursed under his breath and rubbed one hand over his face, tiredly searching for a solution for the predicament he was in.

That was the moment he heard someone humming quietly, accompanied with steps that halted every other second.

Jackson turned around, his eyes jumping around the area desperately searching for the source of the sound. He didn’t think someone else would be out during this late hour. He had already feared that he had to stay on the streets for a night until he could ask someone where a nearby hotel was located.

A shimmer of hope bloomed inside of his chest when his eyes finally found the person responsible for the humming. He watched how they pinned something against a post and then turned to walk down another street.

Jackson called out but didn’t receive any reaction. With a huff he grabbed the handle of his suitcase and hurried to the post, wanting to see where the person was walking before actually following them.

His gaze wandered to the slip that was pinned on the post, seeing the large words “roommate wanted” at the top of it. Jackson skimmed over the information and stopped at the name on the bottom. “Y/N”, he mumbled and ripped the piece of paper off from the post, looking over the details once more even though the only thing he cared about right now was the fact there was an available room for him, which would hopefully be a lot more comfortable for him than a simple hotel room. He grabbed his suitcase again and hurried after you, his gaze never leaving your form.

You wore some dark pants, simple sneakers and a hoodie that was too large on your form and could have counted as a dress as the hem of it ended mid thigh. The closer Jackson got the more details he could see, noticing the large headphones you were wearing and preventing you from hearing his call. He also noticed something poking out between your lips, thinking it was a cigarette at first, but after you pinned another paper against a board and looked at it in thought you grabbed the thin stick and pulled a lollipop out of your mouth, tapping the sweet sugary marble against your lips.

When you turned around you flinched slightly and stared with wide eyes towards Jackson, quickly pulling your headphones down. You pressed a hand against your chest and exhaled loudly. “Gosh, you scared me”, you mumbled around your lollipop.

Jackson tilted his head and mustered you closely - from the relieved grin and breathless giggle to your nervous shuffling with your feet.

“Can I help you?”

He saw how you glanced at his suitcase before you looked back up to his face, waiting with a curious glint in your eyes for his answer.

“You’re looking for a roommate.”

“Huh?” You raised both your eyebrows before understanding dawned upon your face. “Ah, yeah. My last one moved to another town and the rent is a little too high for just one person.” You laughed lightly and tugged a strand of hair behind your ear.

“You don’t have to look anymore.” Jackson stated, observing your reaction. “Your new roommate is standing right in front of you.”

He watched you blinking rapidly and staring blankly back at him. A sigh escaped his lips and Jackson had to suppress the urge to roll his eyes. “I want that room. Can we go there now? I am kind of tired and would like to rest.”

“Huh?”

This time Jackson rolled his eyes and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Do I need to explain this to you in a way a commoner may understand? I want that room and I want it now.”

“You don’t want to check it first if it’s to your liking?”

“No.”

Once again you blinked, slightly overwhelmed by the situation and the attitude from the man in front of you. “If you’re sure, fine with me”, you smiled and led the way, trying to make light conversation with him.

Jackson mostly ignored what you were saying, only humming every now and then, while he walked alongside you through the empty streets. It seemed like a rather quiet area, with a large park on one side where only a few street lamps illuminated the greenery. On the other side one apartment complex after the other appeared within Jackson’s view.

“Here we are”, you smiled and pulled your lollipop out of your mouth. “It’s not much but it’s home.” You opened the door to an apartment complex and waited for Jackson to get inside as well.

He followed you silently, a small sneer on his face at the interior that greeted him inside. The only thing he could think of was prison, as the stale walls and absolutely no furniture didn’t appear very welcoming.

The elevator wasn’t much better. It slightly wobbled while it moved the both of you upwards and Jackson already feared he would get stuck inside of it one day.

The elevator came to a halt on the second floor and you stepped out, guiding Jackson through a narrow hallway. He saw a bunch of doors and wondered if you just brought him to the room before you would go to your own as he couldn’t fathom why else you passed so many doors without saying a word.

At last you pulled a key out of your pocket and opened a door. You turned on the light and walked further inside, throwing your shoes into a shelf.

Jackson frowned as he saw another hallway - a shorter one this time. He watched your retreating back, waiting for you to return and tell him where his room was supposed to be.

“Come, get inside”, you called over your shoulder and disappeared around a corner.

He could hear you rummaging through some things while he slowly walked inside, closing the door behind him. Jackson put his shoes next to yours and followed you inside.

The frown was still present on his face as he walked through the smaller hallway. He observed everything closely - the paintings on the wall, a small bathroom that was slightly hidden behind another door and a closed door with a colourful sign stuck to it. Jackson didn’t want to call this area messy but it was nothing compared to what he was used to. His home had been neat and clean with nothing personal lying around. Meanwhile here he could see a lot of personal things wherever his gaze landed on.

“My previous roommate left all their furniture in the room, saying they wouldn’t need it anymore. If you don’t like it, we can throw it out tomorrow”, you started to say once Jackson appeared within your sight again, “I think we can do everything else tomorrow as well. It is pretty late after all and you said you’re tired, right?”

Jackson stared at you blankly as if he was waiting for something else.

You blinked a few times and quickly gestured towards the open room. “This would be your room. Do you want to check something else or is it okay for you to wait until tomorrow?”

Jackson only grunted and walked into the small room. He shut the door behind him immediately, to give him the privacy to inspect the room. One glance around and Jackson knew this room wasn’t even half as big as his old closet.

A scoff escaped his lips as he walked further into the room, turning around his own axis. How could anyone live like this, he wondered, these conditions felt almost inhumane. Jackson wished his father would reach out to him soon. He couldn’t and most importantly didn’t want to live like this.

To his dismay his father didn’t reach out to him. Instead you kept pestering him about the contract and the lease. Even after he signed the contract and shoved it right back into your chest - same with a cheque - you made several attempts to talk about it again.

Jackson couldn’t care less about any of that. The only thing on his mind was the fight with his father. He had called his mother two days after he arrived at your place, only to be met with disappointment.

“Jackson, where are you? I called Bambam and he said you didn’t show up at his place!” The voice of his mother was full of worry and he could basically see the tears welling up in her eyes and her lip quivering.

“I found another place to stay at.” Jackson mumbled and looked once again around the small room, feeling almost trapped inside the tiny space.

“Are you alright?

“What do you think?” Jackson snapped and rubbed one hand over his face. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to”, he sighed deeply and closed his eyes, trying to regain his composure.

“Oh my poor, poor baby.”

Before Jackson could ease the mind of his mother, he heard some voices in the background. A frown appeared on his face when he recognised the voice of his father.

“Who are you talking to? Is that Jackson?”

His mother couldn’t answer, instead Jackson heard her protest and her voice grew distant over the speaker.

“Jackson?”

“Father.”

“You are not welcome. Neither in presence nor over the phone. Do not call again.” His father hissed angrily.

“I know I messed up, okay? And I’m sorry, father.”

For a moment it was silent and a glimmer of hope sparked in Jackson’s chest. He hoped his father would accept his apology and let him come home again. Jackson wished to have his old room again - or at least a room that was as big as the whole apartment here.

“As far as I know”, his father paused and sighed, “I don’t have a son.”

The last thing Jackson heard was the outcry from his mother before the line went dead. He blinked a few times, feeling tears getting caught in his eyelashes. He swallowed harshly, trying to process the last sentence that kept repeating itself inside of his mind.

That same night Jackson pulled out his priced Whiskey from his luggage, hoping to drown out the echo of his father’s voice with some alcohol. At least with the numbness spreading through his body and clouding his mind he was able to tolerate his current situation.

He wasn’t able to get in contact with his mother again after that. Most likely because his number has been blocked by his father. Jackson missed his mother and his home, the comfort he had there. Now he had nothing that comforted him - besides his alcohol.

But even the alcohol didn’t help drowning out the presence of the other person within this apartment.

Weeks passed and Jackson continued to ignore your presence to the best of his abilities. He left the room when you entered, locked himself inside of his own room or turned up the music so you couldn’t talk to him - even though he noticed you didn’t even try anymore. Not that your glances of pity were any better.

The only positive thing Jackson could think of was the fact you barely stayed at the apartment. He heard you leaving early in the morning whenever another nightmare had woken him up and prevented him from falling asleep again. Slowly but surely he could remember your schedule - not just from the times you came and go, but also because he listened to some of your phone calls in the kitchen where you whined about your several jobs - and knew when to avoid being outside of his room.

At least he thought he knew your schedule by now.

As he thought you’d be out until the late hours of the night, Jackson had caved to Bambam’s begging and constant phone terror. Surely he would have preferred to meet Bambam in a restaurant but the younger man insisted on visiting him at his new home.

Though Jackson wouldn’t call this his home. It didn’t feel like home. There was nothing that belonged to him or showed he lived there as well. He didn’t even unpack his luggage except for his Whiskey, which he promptly placed on the couch table with two glasses he had found.

“It’s good to see you, man!” Bambam greeted him boisterously when he arrived and pushed himself past Jackson, immediately taking everything he saw in. “Never thought you’d live in a place like this. How are you even alive, man?”

Jackson didn’t answer and simply sat down on the couch, filling both glasses up with the alcohol. He downed his own glass and refilled it before he offered the second glass to his friend, who merrily continued talking. Some things didn’t change and Bambam being able to distract him from his misery was one of the things.

Jackson leaned back and nursed the glass of alcohol in his hand while he listened with a content expression, watching Bambam avidly moving his hands as he retold some party he had gone to.

He had no idea how long the both of them had been talking but when his eyes shifted to the corner of the living room, he noticed you standing there with a confused expression. Jackson immediately tensed, notifying Bambam about your presence.

Bambam turned his head and locked eyes with you. His plump lips stretched into a wide smile. “Hello beautiful!”

Jackson saw you frown and shortly glanced down at your attire. He could guess you questioned whether you actually looked beautiful and not like some sort of sleep-deprived zombie.

“I’m Bambam! Jackson’s best friend. I’m so glad you took him in! You have no idea how worried I was when he didn’t arrive at my place that night and I just couldn’t reach him.” Bambam patted on the couch right next to him, inviting you to join their little conversation. “It took ages for me to convince Jackson to invite me! Can you believe it? During all these months he refused to invite me, telling me it wasn’t my standard.” Bambam shot a dirty look towards Jackson and clicked his tongue before he turned with the same wide grin back to you. “I think your tiny apartment is very charming. It definitely shows your own style.”

You simply nodded while Jackson rolled his eyes at Bambam’s antics, knowing full well he loved being overly dramatic.

“Beautiful, you should join us. We just talked about the latest gossip. Maybe it would be really fun to hear your opinion over a cup of tea?”

Jackson tensed and glared at Bambam. He desperately wanted to cuss at his friend and tell him to shut up, instead he only gritted his teeth and turned his attention to your form.

“Thank you for the invitation”, you said softly, trying to smile as sincere as possible, “I can make you two a cup of tea but I can’t join you two. I wanted to go job hunting since I have a day off.”

Jackson frowned upon hearing your answer, his initial glare vanishing from his features. On one hand he felt relieved you weren’t joining the conversation. On the other hand your reasoning confused him. If he remembered it correctly you already had two main jobs next to your college classes and the additional dog walking you just took on a week ago. There was no way you could add another job.

You excused yourself and walked into the kitchen, preparing the two cups of tea and leaving the two men somewhat alone again.

“Didn’t you just say she already works several jobs?” Bambam leaned over the couch as he whispered to his friend, keeping you in his sight out of the corner of his eye.

“I did.”

“Why would she search for another one then?”

Jackson shrugged with his shoulders. “Beats me.”

“Don’t you two talk with each other?” Bambam fully turned to Jackson, eyeing him with a glint of suspicion in his eyes. “You really shut everyone out, huh?”

“She’s a stranger. I didn’t shut her out.”

“This woman is your roommate. And even though I don’t understand their world completely, I know that roommates are supposed to communicate with each other. In some dramas they even work together and share tasks and help each other out.” Bambam sighed dreamily, drifting off into the world of his dramas.

“I gave her a check. That should be more than enough help.” Jackson grunted and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Bambam’s words stung unexpectedly and it bugged Jackson more than he wanted to admit.

“Is the check even decked? I would have thought your father cut every tie between you and your family. Especially the money tie.”

Jackson tensed again, dread filling his body like a darkness covering his whole being. It clawed at his throat, creating a big lump inside of it to restrict Jackson’s breathing. His hands felt clammy out of nowhere and he desperately tried to wipe them dry on his pants again, placing his now empty glass back on the table.

“Maybe you should start talking with her”, Bambam hissed before he straightened again and smiled at your returning form. “You’re such a thoughtful host, beautiful.”

Jackson watched you place the two cups on the table, hesitating momentarily as you noticed the whiskey on it. For a split second your gaze met his but you quickly diverted it again, smiling awkwardly and saying your goodbye before you left the living room.

Only after Jackson heard the click of the door to your room did he look back at Bambam, a small pout forming on his lips. “How am I supposed to talk to her?”

“You could have started with a simple thank you just now instead of glaring at her like she is the evil in personification, man.” Bambam snickered softly and shook his head, ignoring Jackson’s prominent pout. “How do you normally start talking to others?”

Jackson slumped down on the couch, arms still crossed over his chest. “I don’t. People know who I am, they flock around me and start talking. Mostly trying to impress me and I simply tolerate their presence.”

Bambam snickered again. “You gotta work on that, man.”

And Jackson tried working on it but it never got past a short greeting and a quick goodbye. The fact you barely stayed at the apartment, now turned out to be a burden more than a blessing. The rare moments you were in the kitchen, nursing a cup of tea while working on some stuff for your college courses, got quickly interrupted by your phone buzzing obnoxiously.

Jackson mostly just stood in the doorway, desperately trying to find something he could say besides the simple ‘hey’. Though the second he mustered the courage to ask you, your phone buzzed and you excused yourself, telling him work was calling before you dismissed yourself into your room.

More times passed and Jackson grew more and more frustrated. How could it be that complicated to hold one conversation? He even tried waiting for you but you would only prepare your cup of tea silently in his presence - not initiating a conversation at all.

When Jackson complained towards Bambam about it, lying on the mattress and staring up at the white-ish ceiling, he was met with laughter. “At least one of us is having fun”, he grumbled into the phone and rubbed a hand over his face.

“Who would have thought that the infamous Jackson Wang isn’t able to talk to his roommate?”

“I tried, man, I tried.”

“Jacks, my man, it’s alright”, Bambam reassured him, barely suppressing the giggling in his voice, “you just need to blow off some steam. Let me send you a number. They will redirect you to one of their workers, who will help you to have a good time. All anonymous. You can even practise your conversation skills.”

“Fine.” Jackson placed his arm over his eyes, sulking about the fact that Bambam’s solution wasn’t really a solution for his problem. Yet, he might get a clear head from this and find a real solution afterwards.

Bambam immediately sent him the phone number after they cut the phone call, adding a dozen of suggestive smileys in the message as well as a small payment so Jackson could use the service.

Jackson stared at the number, his thumb hovering over the call button. His eyes wandered to the digital clock on the nightstand, showing it was close to midnight. He cursed under his breath and pressed the button, holding the phone to his ear as he waited with baited breath.

“Secret phone call, anonymous and discreet, how can I help you?” The sultry voice of a woman greeted him, waiting patiently for Jackson to answer.

Once everything was sorted out the woman explained the system of the Secret phone call company. “I’ll connect you with one of our girls now. After you two are done, she will send you a message, offering you to become her future customer. If you don’t want that, simply call this number again and we will find you a new sweetheart.”

It rang one, two, three times before the call got reconnected. “Hey”, a soft voice spoke into the phone, “you can call me baby. I’ll be your girl for as long as you want me. How can I call you?”

Jackson’s breath hitched. The voice felt familiar but he couldn’t put a finger on it. “Uhm”, he hesitated, feeling he shouldn’t say his real name. “I’m, well, you can call me, uhm.”

The soft giggle on the other end of the line made Jackson’s heart do summersaults inside his chest. “Maybe we can figure that out while we talk? What would you like to do today?”

“A friend of mine said I should blow off some steam”, Jackson grumbled, pout prominent in his tone.

“Awe, such a thoughtful friend. Are you having a hard time?”

Jackson swallowed harshly. He wasn’t sure whether the question was intended to have a double meaning or not. “The worst”, he answered, keeping it casual - despite his free hand wandering down to his crotch. Something about that soft voice made his dick twitch.

“How can I help you to feel better?”

“Fuck”, Jackson exhaled slowly, picturing he wasn’t alone in this room anymore.

“Would it help you if I massaged your shoulders?”

Jackson hummed softly. “Only if you straddle my lap while doing so.”

“I- I can do that.”

Jackson pressed his palm down on his hardening cock, imagining the woman on the other side of the line sitting on his lap now. She sounded so innocent with her questions and that sweet, sweet voice. Feeling bold due to the anonymity, Jackson spoke up again: “Would you unbutton my shirt for me, baby?”

He heard the shaky inhale, before she agreed. Jackson quickly unbuttoned his own shirt, brushing it away from his chest. The cool air hit his skin and sent small shivers throughout his body.

“Is there any-anything else I could help you with so you can relax?”

“Would you undress for me, baby?” Jackson bit on his lower lip, eyes sealed shut as he imagined a body to the voice, slowly stripping above him. He intently listened to the rustling of fabric until it got silent. “Did you only take off your shirt?”

“Ye-yes”, the voice admitted hesitantly, “but I didn’t wear a bra or pants. So- so I’m only in my panties now.”

“Shit”, Jackson cursed and quickly fumbled with his pants, pushing his free hand down and into his boxers. “You’re too adorable, baby.” He grabbed his dick and pulled it out, pumping himself several times. “Do you have another idea that might help me relax?” By now Jackson just needed to hear that soft voice, he wanted to hear soft whimpers and shaky breaths while he pictured fucking her.

“Would rocking my hips help?”

“Yes, baby, definitely”, Jackson sighed, gripping his shaft a little tighter. “Can you touch yourself? Pretending you’re rocking on my hard dick?” Jackson’s eyes rolled to the back of his head when he heard the soft whimpers on the other side of the line. “That’s it baby, you’re being so good for me.”

Soon enough Jackson came over his own stomach, squeezing his cock empty with every spurt. He inhaled deeply before he leaned on his elbows and looked down at his chest and lower stomach. White strings of cum painted his upper body. “You created quite the mess, baby”, he chuckled and dropped back on the mattress, quietly listening to the fast breathing.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be”, Jackson quickly spoke into the phone, “I, uhm, I actually enjoyed this. Thank you.”

A soft laugh came through the phone. “I’m glad, I liked it too.”

“Yeah?” Jackson piped up, staring up at the ceiling again. “Could we do this again? Tomorrow, same time?”

“Of course.”

“Great! Well, uhm, I guess I should hang up now.” Jackson laughed awkwardly. “I still have to clean up a little.”

The soft laugh and quiet goodbye were the last things Jackson heard before he cut the call, dropping his arm and phone onto the mattress. He stared at the ceiling, mind still racing with thoughts about what just happened.

He conversed with a person, who didn’t know who he was. Kinda conversed. At least he talked with somebody. Jackson had to admit, it felt nice speaking to someone, who didn’t immediately judge him.

While Jackson continued to call the number and talk with Baby nearly every night, he made little to no progress with you. And knowing the payment from Bambam wouldn’t last forever let his mood plummet even more. He needed his dad to forgive him.

Jackson curled into himself on the mattress and grabbed his phone, dialling the number like second nature. “Hey baby”, he whispered once the call connected.

“Hey”, her strangled voice greeted him.

Jackson piped up immediately, sitting on his bed now with a deep frown. “What happened?” He heard the soft sniffles on the other side of the phone, pressing for an answer.

“Nothing really. We should focus on you anyway.”

Part of Jackson knew his past self would have done exactly that but over the time he had talked to this soft voice he had developed feelings. So now he wouldn’t simply dismiss her condition.

He heard a choked laugh followed by more sniffles. “It’s just” - a deep sigh - “I’m not cut out for this job.”

“Why not? You’re doing amazing!”

She laughed again, less choked up this time. “You’re the only one that thinks so. I just got yelled at by some geezer because I wasn’t moaning loud enough for him.” Jackson heard the soft hiccup, realising she actually cried. “I never wanted to do this job but without it I can’t earn enough money.”

“I can pay you”, Jackson blurted out - realising a second too late that he had no means to actually do that. He cursed himself for not thinking before speaking.

“I couldn’t ask that from you. I just - I just need to endure this a little longer.”

Jackson wanted to say something, wanted to cheer her up again but for once he didn’t know what to say to her. The worry about money and jobs faintly reminded him of you and a pang of guilt hit his stomach.

“You didn’t sound so chipper either. What’s on your mind?”

“A lot”, Jackson admitted as he laid down on the mattress again. “My father kicked me out of my home and I haven’t been in contact with my family ever since.” He sighed deeply. “I miss my mom.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that. Is there a way for your father to reconsider?”

Jackson scoffed and shook his head. “Probably not. This stubborn old man doesn’t even consider me as his son anymore. All that because I drove his car into the pool during a party.”

“You what?” Jackson heard the shocked inhale, followed by a disbelieving chuckle. “Oh wow, my parents would have buried me alive.”

“It wasn’t even his favourite car.” Jackson pouted momentarily before a small smile stretched over his lips.

“Oh, I see”, her tone became teasing, “then it isn’t that bad.”

“Right?”

She laughed softly and Jackson could imagine her shaking her head at him. “Did you ever consider that your dad wants you to take responsibility for your actions?”

“How should I do that?”

“I don’t know, maybe work diligently instead of partying and driving cars into pools.” She giggled lightly. “Or are you asking how to take responsibility?”

Jackson grinned into the darkness of his room. “Maybe”, he whispered, “Is there a way to train it?”

“Maybe”, she whispered back, her breath hitching softly. “Would you take responsibility for my heart pounding so quickly whenever I talk to you?”

Jackson exhaled loudly, barely able to contain the excitement coursing through his whole body. “So you’re saying I’m responsible for that, baby?”

“Yes.”

The answer wasn’t more than a breath but that was enough to make his own heart flutter like crazy. “And how should I take responsibility for that?”

“I don’t know”, she giggled quietly and Jackson knew she played coy.

“How about making you feel really good tonight? Would you like that, baby?” Upon hearing her soft hum Jackson continued speaking. He guided you with his words, telling you exactly what you should do.

It started from stripping down, to twisting and pinching the nipples down to playing with that sweet little pussy.

Jackson stroked himself lazily, more focused on her moans and irregular breaths. If he concentrated enough, he could even hear the lewd noises created by her slicked fingers going in and out of her core. “That’s it, baby”, he exhaled slowly. “Try curling your fingers now whenever you push them deep inside.”

The high pitched whine he received afterwards was everything to Jackson. “That’s it, keep doing that and right when it feels like too much, cum.”

Her whimpers quickened and turned desperate, while the lewd noises got louder. She choked on thin air, followed by a long moan. “Fuck me”, she whispered after a few moments, slowly coming down from her high.

“Next time”, Jackson teased, finishing his own pleasure with a few more strokes. He cleaned himself up and dropped back down on the mattress, silently listening to her cleaning up as well.

“Do you think my father would forgive me when I pay the repair costs of the car?” Jackson dreaded the end of the phone call, fearing he would feel as worthless and unimportant again.

“I’m not sure”, her soft voice sounded through the darkness, “but it would be a beginning. Either way I’m cheering for you.”

Jackson grinned, feeling how his heart eased down again. “Thank you.” He placed one of his hands over his chest. “Your words really cheer me up.”

“I’m your girl for as long as you want me.”

‘I’ll always want you.’ That’s what Jackson thought but he was too afraid saying these words out loud. At least not yet. “I’ll let my girl sleep for tonight now. And update you next time.” With that Jackson bid his goodbye and cut the call, staring for a moment longer up towards the ceiling.

He needed a job to start turning things around.

“I need you to help me get a job”, Jackson blurted out the second he came into the kitchen the next morning, looking at you with determination in his eyes and completely forgetting to greet you first.

“Huh?”

Jackson rolled his eyes before he sat down on the opposite side from you. “You’re working several jobs, don’t you? Help me introduce myself to one of your bosses so I can work there too.”

You stared at him as if he had grown a second head. “I, uh, what?”

“I need a job and I’m asking for your help.” Jackson pursed his lips, how could you be so dense.

“I guess you can join me at the café”, you wondered out loud, tapping your lips with the spoon in your hand. “The boss is constantly complaining about not having enough staff and I can’t take more shifts.”

“Great! Let’s do this!”

You got assigned to ease Jackson into the job at the café. Jackson wasn’t too fond of that idea at first, not wanting to make a fool out of himself in front of you. Though your everlasting patience and easy to follow explanations helped him learn quickly.

Soon enough Jackson was able to take over shifts without your help until he almost worked full time at the café.

Having the same job as you had some other perks as well. It made it easier to talk to you at the apartment when both of you were in the kitchen or living room. Even Bambam noticed the slight shift between you.

“I got my first paycheck today”, Jackson mumbled into the phone, staring down at the piece of paper. The amount was nothing compared to what he was used to but it felt like so much more.

“That’s wonderful”, her soft voice resonated through his whole body. “What are you going to use it for?”

Jackson shrugged his shoulders, suddenly thinking of you. “I guess I’m using it for the right thing.”

She giggled softly. “Sounds like you’re taking responsibility.”

“Am I?” Jackson chuckled lowly and shook his head. “Maybe I am.”

The very next day he confronted you in the kitchen again, handing you his paycheck. “For rent and stuff.”

You stared down at the check and then back up at him again. “All of it? You can’t be serious.”

“Lived here long enough without doing a thing”, Jackson mumbled and avoided looking at you. “I don’t have any other expenses for now. I want to take responsibility and help out. Though I might need some teaching for that.”

You smiled at him, tilting your head a little. “I can do that”, you said softly as you placed your hand on his lower arm and squeezed it reassuringly.

Jackson stared at you, the ghost of your touch still on his arm. Something within his mind bugged him about this situation but he couldn’t put a finger on it, knowing he never experienced a situation like this before. His gaze dropped down to your lips and back up again, while his heart started pounding against his ribcage.

Was he just projecting or wishfully thinking - maybe even hoping - the voice that helped him so much all this time on the phone might be yours after all? He quickly shook his head before he nodded slowly and thanked you, going back into his room.

His heart nearly jumped out of his throat as he waited for the phone call to connect. Throughout the whole day he had been thinking about it and Jackson desperately needed to get that thought out of his head again. “Hey baby.”

“Hey, it’s good to hear you again”, her tone was light as she spoke. “You made me miss you.”

Jackson laughed quietly. “I called yesterday and we both know I can’t call during the day.”

“I still missed you.”

“Oh, did my baby miss me? How can I make it up to you, hm?” Jackson teased as he palmed himself through his pants. “I have a feeling you’re a little desperate for me, aren’t you?”

She breathed shakily, her lust apparent even for Jackson on the other side of the line.

“Tell me, baby, what do you want?”

“Want you.”

Jackson exhaled and threw his head back, pressing even harder down on his cock. “Oh baby”, he mumbled into the phone, his voice husky with lust. “Do me a favour and play with yourself. Don’t push your fingers in though. Not yet at least.” He groaned upon hearing the soft whimpers, his own hand quickly going into his pants as well. Jackson closed his eyes, fully emerging into this little fantasy. “Shit, I love those tiny moans and whimpers. You’re driving me crazy, Y/N.”

“Fuck, Jackson, please.”

Jackson stilled, his eyes wide open. “What?” The line went eerily silent and before he could say anything else the call got cut.

He barely noticed how he dropped his phone, his body moving on autopilot as he burst into your room. Jackson stared at you, sitting in the corner of your bed, one hand clutched over your mouth and eyes widened in shock.

You ever so slowly pulled your hand away from your lips. “I’m so sorry…”

Jackson quickly crossed the distance between you two, leaning on the bed with one knee and grabbing your face so he could pull you into a deep kiss.

You yelped in surprise but it got drowned out by his lips crashing against yours. Your hands held onto his shirt, unconsciously pulling Jackson closer against your form.

Only when the both of you needed air did you separate, panting heavily. Jackson caressed your cheek with his thumb, his gaze jumping between your eyes. “I wanted to do that for so long.” He kissed you again. Now with less force. Instead Jackson took his time exploring you and your needs with that kiss, moving you around the bed until you were flat on your back and he hovered above you.

Jackson kissed down your jawline and your neck, murmuring sweet promises against your skin. One of his hands wandered downwards along your side, playing with the hem of your shirt where his knuckles brushed over your bare stomach every now and then.

You reacted so well to Jackson’s soft ministrations, writhing, moaning and whimpering underneath him. “You should quit that job”, he whispered, pushing your shirt up to reveal your stomach. He littered the bare skin with kisses, his thumbs brushing against the underside of your boobs. “Those geezers don’t deserve you, don’t deserve hearing you.”

You groaned and arched your back, pleading for him to touch you. With swift hands you shimmied out of your shirt and pants, being almost completely naked underneath him.

Jackson leaned down and kissed your breasts - even nipped at your perked nipples gently. “I can’t believe you were this close all the time.” He groaned from the lust building inside of him. “You helped me all this time, brightened my otherwise dull day.” Jackson placed his hands on your knees and pushed your legs apart, positioning himself between them. “Let me repay you for that, love. What do you want?”

“Want you”, you breathed out, gaze clouded with desire. “Please, I want you.”

Jackson cursed and nearly ripped your panties off. He inhaled your sweet scent, groaning with want, as he pushed his tongue between your folds.

You wanted to shut your legs but Jackson easily held them open, continuing to fuck you with his tongue. Your choked gasps of pleasure turned into moans and whining as he started circling your nub with his thumb. “Oh, Jackson, oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, please.”

“What do you need, love?” He asked without moving away from your core, continuing to pleasure you while he waited for your answer. “You’re so wet for me and you taste so incredibly sweet.”

“Please, Jackson, please”, you threw your head back, quivering under his touch, “I need your cock, please. Please, fuck me.”

Once again Jackson cursed and pushed himself away, smirking upon hearing your disappointed whining. He discarded his own clothes as fast as possible, not paying attention to where he threw them, and crawled back over you. He lowered his hips, rubbing his thick shaft along your folds until it was covered in your wetness.

With one hand Jackson aligned the head of his cock with your entrance, carefully pushing into you. “So fucking tight”, he grunted, his own pleasure spiking up like crazy. After he bottomed out, hips flush against yours, Jackson leaned down and kissed you. He brushed a few strands of hair out of your face and simply admired the sight underneath him. “Shit, you’re gorgeous.”

Your walls clenched around his shaft, making Jackson groan from the sensation. “Please fuck me”, you mumbled softly, running your fingers through his hair.

“With pleasure.” Jackson pulled back until only the tip of his cock remained inside you, just to slam his whole length back into you. He pumped into you over and over again, eliciting one sweet sound from you after another.

Jackson felt your walls clenching around his dick, keeping it in a vice grip. The second you screamed his name and spasmed underneath him, Jackson pulled out. He rubbed your nub with his thumb while he pumped his hard cock until his seed spurted out and painted your stomach white.

Breathing heavily Jackson got up and grabbed some tissues from your desk, coming back and cleaning you up. Afterwards he plopped down next to you, wrapping an arm around your middle and pulling you close.

“Jackson?” You asked hesitantly, turning in his hold until you looked at him. “What does this mean for us now?”

“Like I said, hopefully you quit that job. I don’t think I could share you any longer.” He grinned lovingly and kissed your forehead, the grin getting even wider when you giggled. “I’ll do anything to hear you laugh, love.”

“You were the only one keeping me there.”

Jackson growled playfully and nipped at your neck. “You have me here now.”

“Even if your dad forgives you?”

“Even then. Just be prepared for my mom to come over at any given time.” He laughed lightly and kissed you again. “But until that happens it’s only the two of us.”

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