#not that the two should empathise with each other but that they should embrace and accept their differences
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no thoughts just comparing the deliberate parallels between the concerned comments layla, faruzan and paimon make to kaveh which are used to contextualise alhaitham’s comments to kaveh during a parade of providence
In the desert, layla who previously had issues with dealing with anxieties, received dubious advice from kaveh about equating worries to that of a sickness for that which is no cure, therefore you have to let its run its course
Layla reveals that this advice isn’t suitable for her, since the cause for her anxiety was solely because she didn’t have a clear goal for herself. She states that therefore, if this advice is something kaveh adheres to, then this is ultimately worse for him, as kaveh claims to have a set goal - as in, he wants to win the interdarshan chanpionship.
She notes that kaveh seems conflicted, and that this could stem from some inner sadness which he suppresses with a façade of happiness.
This points to kaveh’s internal conflict being between that of his guilt complex brought about by his perceived involvement in his father’s passing, and his genuine desire to help others at the cost of himself. Kaveh cannot balance the two in ways that will allow him to prioritise his own needs and desires
Kaveh’s internal conflict is pointed out later on in the same quest by Faruzan, who highlights kaveh’s title as a genius being incongruous with his problem solving abilities after kaveh passes out in the desert due to giving his food and water to the disturbed foxes and going out of his way to lead them to safety, putting himself at risk and jeopardising his place in the competition
However, Kaveh states that his title of a genius has nothing to do with this situation, and although he admits it wasn’t the most practical solution, it was dually his conscience that ultimately caused him to act and perceivably the guilt that would come from not attempting to help
After the second round comes to a close and faruzan inadvertently informs alhaitham of kaveh’s “tribulations”, the player gets to hear alhaitham’s reactions to kaveh’s decision through kaveh, as kaveh and alhaitham have discussed the events in the desert offscreen
Paimon points out that this is definitely ‘something’ alhaitham would say due to the blunt manner of speaking and the dryness of his words - this contextualises how kaveh receives them, as personal goading
When looking past this and focussing on alhaitham’s actual words, the real meaning can be found, and it is even a point in this scene that paimon offers the exact same comments, drawing direct parallels between her and alhaitham’s words, and therefore establishing the same concerns
Alhaitham points out kaveh’s unreliable problem solving abilities being incongruous with his title as a senior - directly paralleling faruzan’s comments in which she highlighted how kaveh’s decision making abilities were at odds with his title as a genius
As well as this, alhaitham alludes to kaveh’s guilt complex being the reason why he exerts himself for others at his own expense - which is a point that the traveller and paimon directly follow up on
Kaveh responds to their questioning amicably despite the sensitive nature of the conversation, just as he did when faruzan pointed out kaveh’s problematical decision making, and this is because of their apparent concern rather than actively seeking offence, with paimon protesting when kaveh asks: “don’t tell me you think i have serious personality flaws, too?” With the ‘too’ clearly referencing alhaitham and the conversation the two had prior to the traveller and paimon turning up
Kaveh can understand the concern in others’ words when they question his problem solving skills and the sense of his inner conflict stemming from guilt, however, when alhaitham makes the same comments, kaveh sees this as a form on animosity and personal critique
Because of alhaitham’s manner of communication and kaveh’s apparent distrust of alhaitham, the two cannot reach a mutual understanding - despite alhaitham expressing the same concerns as three separate characters within this quest
It is telling then that when kaveh gleans an otherwise unseen meaning in alhaitham’s words is when alhaitham changes his method of communication and directly, and intimately, addresses kaveh by using a script that only the two are privy to
Kaveh still doesn’t wholly understand alhaitham’s meaning, but the switch up in communication method is enough for kaveh to question alhaitham’s sincerity and not attribute it to alhaitham mocking him
Kaveh continues questioning the cause for this throughout the remainder of the event, being seen to question why alhaitham left the notes for him and whether if it was a coincidence or not. He concludes that it wasn’t a coincidence and then states “then…”, inferably questioning why alhaitham left the notes for him and what the meaning of his words were, in a script only kaveh would understand. Additionally, kaveh mentions wanting to ask alhaitham what the meaning of his notes were when at dinner after the closing of the interdarshan championship, as the uncertain meaning of his words has seemingly left a profound effect on him
Alhaitham changing his manner of communication, which kaveh usually perceives as negative, causes kaveh to question alhaitham’s sincerity, and therefore causes doubt in whether alhaitham is patronising him or not. This in turn can cast obscurity over kaveh’s assertion that alhaitham holds “disdain” for him due to Alhaitham’s expression of concern which kaveh cannot perceive due to the abrasiveness of his words. Alhaitham conveying his concern in a roundabout way only allows for kaveh to misinterpret him, which kaveh perceives as “disdain”.
A parade of providence establishes the cause for the rift in alhaitham and kaveh’s relationship mainly to be perpetual misunderstanding in communication, and sets out to propose a solution being that a change of communication.
By using a language that only the two of them know shows that for kaveh to fully understand his meaning, alhaitham must meet kaveh on his own terms when it comes to communication - the two must be on equal and frank level. this could allow a potential rebuilding of intimacy the two once shared when initially learning the language, and thus overcome the idea of “mutual disdain” which kaveh asserts due to his fundamental misunderstanding of alhaitham which alhaitham seems to reinforce with his typical language
(Update: For more analyses like this, the essay this is taken from is now uploaded! It can be accessed here and here as as a pdf <3)
#haikaveh#kavetham#alhaitham#kaveh#a parade of providence#okay this is a condensed point from The Essay so yes there are several layers missing#i will talk about kavehs altruism and alhaithams egoism i promise!!#also i just think its interesting that kaveh and alhaithams arc in this event centres around miscommunication and understanding#not that the two should empathise with each other but that they should embrace and accept their differences#as in they should ultimately be companions to one another#kaveh’s hangout is PIVOTAL to this!!#which is why i stand firm in the belief that a parade of providence is kaveh’s story quest#also forever thinking about kaveh being fixated on that gay ass note#fellas is it gay to share notes in a language only the two of you know?#and how he finally got to ask alhaitham at the end of the event once alhaitham set out to find him after returning from the desert#of which he only went to in the first place for kavehs sake#im chewing my teeth
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∞☽⋆ Ateez reaction to their thicker s/o being insecure about themselves ⋆☾∞
♡⊹ Seonghwa
He makes you feel safe
He can feel your insecurity in his heart, as his own. He patiently hears you ranting about it, and looks at you softly, brows frowned in apprehension
He understands how society can make you feel. He already hated it, now he hates it even more, seeing his special person so affected by nonsense standards
He is so caring to you, choosing the best words to show you he understands you, validating your feelings, and, at the same time, hyping you up in such an adorable and warm way that makes you feel touched.
The sincerity his words and actions carry are truly powerfull. You can see he means every single thing, and this makes you feel a lot better, secure and safe.
♡⊹ Hongjoong
He makes you feel valued
Hongjoong receives your insecure thoughts with the most comforting smile, ready to talk about them with you as much as you need.
You spend hours and hours talking, and he also talks about his own insecurities. You two can empathise and support each other like no one else.
But Hongjoong is not made only by talk. He shows you how much he loves you, exactly the way you are.
The way he walks by your side, his face holding the proudest smile, as if he is showing you off, as if you're the most valuable, amazing, wonderful being of the universe, is outstanding. And you feel you're truly worth of being loved, you feel you truly deserve being loved.
♡⊹ Yunho
He makes you feel confident
Yunho is lost. He is legit lost and in disbelief. To his eyes, you are simply perfect, and you got him by surprise when you talked to him about this insecurity of yours
Being thicker is one of your charm points, out of an infinite list of other points, and he makes sure you know every single one of them
"I love every single thing about you! Please, your body is... simply beautiful, God!" , he says, his cheeks getting gradually redder as he speaks.
He boosts your confidence, he makes you genuinely feel yourself, he makes you look ahead, chin up, like the queen you are.
♡⊹ Yeosang
He makes you feel special
Yeosang pays a lot of attention on you, so he knows something is bothering you. He waits for you to open up to him, and when you do, he is all ears and heart.
He may look almost undisturbed on the outside, but he is boiling out of exasperation on the inside. He doesn't like it at all. This should not be a worry to you or to anyone.
He may not talk much, he may not give you rivers and rivers of sweet words, but he is a man of actions.
He makes sure you feel loved everyday. Every single move of his, every caring touch, every thoughtful compliment, every reassuring gaze, everything is saturated with his absolute admiration and adoration for you. You feel you're the luckiest and most special human being, which certainly you are.
♡⊹ San
He makes you feel loved
San is all worried about you, asking you about all sorts of things, ranting with you, clinging on you, making you pour everything out.
It's totally unacceptable for him. No no, big no. He must shower you with unconditional love. He must make you the happiest person on Earth. He must make you see and accept that all your traits are gorgeous, the most perfect, the most beautiful.
He definetely worships and pampers you more than ever. Endless compliments, sincere love confessions out of blue, staring too much at you and blushing like crazy at the sight of your amazing figure.
He makes his life goal to make you see yourself as he sees you. To make you love yourself as he loves you.
♡⊹ Mingi
He makes you feel beautiful
Mingi gets sad with you. He hates it, the affliction spread through his body, while he listens to you opening your heart
His arms are already embracing you, fully taking the figure he loves so much.
His little sad pout turns into a big smile, as he encourages you to enjoy the moment, enjoy who you are, to care only about yourself and what's good for you. Little by little, you see your life changing.
You can be sure you won't ever feel insecure again. That tight jeans you've always wanted to use, but you never got the courage to do so because of your insecurity? You'll be feeling yourself in it, because Mingi's jaw will drop everytime he sees you wearing it, and he will say a billion times how beautiful you are.
♡⊹ Wooyoung
He makes you feel you'll never be alone
He feels revolted with the universe and can't accept this kind of thought is making you suffer
He is ready to throw hands for you, to the point his starts ranting about the subject so passionately that it makes you giggle
"Listen to me only! People know nothing, they are all fools! I'm a wise man, Y/N, and if I say you're the most beautiful and wonderful being that has ever existed, then you are!!"
Being appreciated with such intensity makes you feel better. It makes you see that you'll always be beautiful to the eyes of people that can truly comprehend the actual meaning of beauty, people that deserve to see your beauty. And that's all that matters.
♡⊹ Jongho
He makes you feel at peace
Jongho sees you down, and he calmly asks what's wrong. He hears you with a serious face, his eyes not leaving yours even for a second. You don't talk much, but it's not needed.
You are aware of how much he knows you, but he never fails on taking you by surprise. The way he knows your exact thoughts and feelings is amazing.
And because he knows you so well, he knows how to comfort you. He offers you the most caring and lovely words, still being down to earth, practical and mature, with his very helpful insights and visions.
He is able to make you see yourself from a much more beautiful angle, and you feel your heart lighter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
•° Thanks for the request, @anpanseok !! I hope you like it! 💗
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* If you want to be added to or removed from the taglist, just send me an ask or a message (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧
•° Masterlist
...
#ateez#ateez reactions#ateez headcanons#ateez imagines#ateez blurbs#ateez scenarios#ateez fluff#seonghwa#hongjoong#yunho#yeosang#san#wooyoung#mingi#jongho#queue
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Beautiful Pain
The Falcon And The Winter Soldier (TFATWS) Series
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Enhanced! Reader
Warnings: None.
Word count: 1.3k
Prologue
Summary: Post-blip, you started to feel lost when most of the Avengers team are gone. Coping with your loss, you still find hope in the connection with your remaining friends. However, it is not easy as everyone is trying to figure their lives after the blip.
Having a long history with Bucky ever since you both saved each other from Hydra, you were still glad you had Bucky after all this time. However, as you try to give Bucky space to find himself after being pardoned for his past, you start to wonder if you should ever cross the line of friendship before it’s too late.
That thought might have to be put on hold though, when you, Sam and Bucky find yourselves having to deal with threats that continue to rise in a post-blip world.
Notes: This series is based on the Disney+ series with my own interpretation as I include my OC in it. A bit late in the game, but I am back after surviving the whole of last year and now closing into graduation! When I knew that this series was out, I knew it was my chance to make a comeback here!
This is a prologue to give background on the OC. Also, you will get some insight into her history and relationship with Bucky before TFATWS.
Please enjoy and leave a like, reblog or comment to let me know what you think! 💖
This is also the unofficial series masterlist:
Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven |
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Wakanda, 5 years ago
“Hey, I just fed you!” Your brows furrowed in frustration as the little runt of a goat continuously followed you to nip on your loose cotton pants.
You could hear a chuckle from the corner when Bucky came into your view. He was carrying a large sack of fertilizer that was to be used for your edible garden.
The frown on your face slowly curved upwards when you see the beautiful smile on his face. How can a single smile make your heart stop and beat wildly at the same time?
You quickly walked over to where he was, looking at how he bent over to set down the sack before flashing you another heart-stopping smile. From that moment, you only wished to always see him being this happy.
“Steve just wants you to pay attention to him.” Your lips quirked when you thought about how he had decided to name an annoying goat after his best pal.
“Can’t blame him when there’s a pretty girl around.” He continued before he proceeded to open the sack.
You did not know to respond to his compliment but you knew that you shouldn’t think more of it. Steve had told you before of how Bucky was like in the past before everything horrible that happened to him. How he was such a charmer with the ladies.
—————————----//-----------------------——
You wouldn’t have expected it, especially when you met him for the first time. When your powers first revealed themselves in an accident while you were barely a teenager, you found yourself panicking at what was happening to you.
You started finding yourself on the run from Hydra before S.H.I.E.L.D got to you. Taken under Coulson’s wing, you were only supposed to be an asset under close surveillance so that you would not fall into the wrong hands. When you became a young adult, you signed up to be an agent seeing how Coulson was close to you like a father. You wanted to follow in his footsteps to help the world become a better place.
However, given the fact that powers make you a target for Hydra, Director Fury asked you to keep your powers on the down-low. You weren’t allowed to use them in front of others and it was a kept secret amongst the higher-ups.
That all changed when the Avengers initiative was founded. You refused the title but accepted the offer to be part of the team. You once again find yourself at the hands of Hydra once it was revealed that S.H.I.E.L.D was infiltrated from the inside.
You unexpectedly got kidnapped in the mess. When you met Alexander Pierce, you were promised to become an asset to Hydra whether you were willing or not. That’s when you first met Bucky.
You didn’t recognise him at first but the photos that Steve had shown you coupled with the ones you saw in the museum allowed you to fit the pieces together. You still remembered his expression when you first called him by his real name. He didn’t get it at first before you started shouting his full name. That earned you a slap from Pierce himself before he got Rumlow to haul you back into a cell.
As time passed in a blur, the last thing you expected was Bucky breaking you out of your cell and the two of you escaped together. You two stuck like glue throughout the entire time in Romania before he got involved in a crime he didn’t commit.
You fought for him and revealed your powers publicly for the first time. While he and Steve managed to escape, you were arrested for choosing the wrong side and being deemed a threat to global security.
Fast forward, you were brought to Wakanda with Bucky and Steve trusted you to take care of his best pal while he continued to be on the run.
Here you are now, living on a farm with Bucky ever since his programming has been removed. Even though Steve is his best pal, Bucky still feels a distance between him and Steve. They had been separated for more than 70 years after all.
While Steve had only the best intentions for him, Bucky knew he could never be the same old person he was before Hydra happened. Bucky felt like you were the only one who accepts him for who he truly is.
A broken man still trying to recover from his dark past. A man who will never be the same.
You never expected him to become someone else, but only embraced him for who he is. He was grateful that you were always patient with him when he fell into his terrible moods from the aftermath of his nightmares. Bucky felt even more blessed when he saw how you always make him smile and laugh more, reminding him that he is not truly alone and that you were someone he could depend on.
Bucky still feels like it is a dream that he now has you by his side. Who knew that the S.H.I.E.L.D agent that had been planned to become another fist of Hydra alongside him would be the closest person he had now?
The two of you shared more similarities than you realised. Both of you had dreamed of the day you two can stop fighting. Being exposed to the real world since you were a young teen, you started growing weary of it all. You had hoped to find yourself in social work once you retired from this life of constant fighting. Bucky didn’t have any plans for himself for the future but he always hoped you would still be willing to be there beside him.
It seemed easy to define your relationship, right? You two were definitely friends. Confidants, perhaps? There was a constant gnawing feeling in your gut if you two could ever be more. Your feelings for Bucky became stronger with the time you two spent together, but you weren’t sure if it was only because he has been the only constant in your life for the last five years.
While the two of you had your close moments, Bucky never gave the hint that it could allude to more. You weren’t super keen to ruin your friendship either. Bucky has become someone so important in your life that you did not want to lose him. There was no way you want to change anything even if it meant suppressing the growing feelings you had for him.
The thoughts in your head were suddenly interrupted when you hear people approaching. Turning back, you saw King T’Challa and Okoye approaching with more soldiers following behind carrying a case. Bucky stopped his current actions and the two of you proceeded to walk closer to where they stood. You could see the change in his demeanour when the two of you approached closer and saw the case to reveal a new metal arm- specifically Vibranium.
It was a moment of silence as everyone exchanged looks before Bucky spoke.
“Where’s the fight?” You could hear the dread in his voice. Your heart fell at his crestfallen expression, empathising with what he was feeling.
King T’Challa was not oblivious to it either but proceeded to give his response. “On its way.”
You didn’t realise you were holding your breath all this time until you let out an exhale. Looking over to see Bucky with a conflicted expression, your hand reached out to place your hands gently on Bucky’s left shoulder and gave a soft reassuring pat.
You mustered a brave front and showed him a reassuring smile.
“We will get through this together, Buck. As always.” Hoping your words would make him feel better, you were relieved when he returned a smile back at you.
Seeing your optimism no matter the circumstances (especially when the world might potentially come to an end), Bucky Barnes felt like he could do anything as long you were by his side.
#bucky x reader#bucky barnes x reader#bucky x y/n#bucky barnes#bucky x you#tfatws#thefalconandthewintersoldier#angstsfordays#beautiful pain#marvel fanfiction
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Series: Just the assistant..?
Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x Plus sized reader
Summary: [Y/N], Tom's personal assistant knows that she shouldn't have fallen in love with her employer but she just couldn't help herself. When she thinks that her biggest wish is about to come true, a third party arrives and makes her question whether she'd ever have a chance to escape her situation and simply be loved back by the person she loves the most...
Warning(s): None, I think?
Word count: 5,2k
Picture(s) found on: Pinterest/Google
CHAPTER ONE: Ignition
"Just a few more minutes until they call, do you want something to drink?" (Y/N) asked Tom as she made her way to the kitchen, her heart fluttering nervously in her chest as the tension rose in his living room.
He had been sitting on the couch, frozen on the spot while staring into space with his phone clutched tightly in his hand. He couldn’t voice the intense waves of anxiety and nervousness coursing through his body, time seemed to pass slowly. One of the producers of Harold Pinter's Play "Betrayal" was about to let him know whether he had gotten one of the main roles or not.
Tom had auditioned for the play a while ago and had desperately hoped that his performance was worthy enough to act the play out on the stage. He had always loved theatre, the interest had never decreased throughout the years. Harold Pinter was also a writer Tom had always looked up to as his plays always inspired and touched him on a deep level that not everyone was able to understand.
"Tom" (Y/N) called out again.
He had never answered her question which had made her turn on her heel and focus her gaze on his tensed back and shoulders. He still hadn’t moved a muscle as his brain was clouded with too many thoughts at the same time. His assistant let out a soft sigh, her heart fluttering as she longed to gently place her hands on his back and give him a soothing massage. God...I just want to feel you relax under my touch. Whisper my name in a state of longing...
She bit back a craving hum as her eyes continued to appreciate his backside, he obviously needed some time to himself and wasn’t in need of any liquid refreshment. She turned back around and walked into the kitchen while hoping and praying that he’d get the role as he really deserved it.
She empathised with his every emotion and felt anxious herself, a habit she had when loving someone. Once in the kitchen, [Y/N] quickly walked over to the fridge and took a bottle of water out of it, popped open the cap and let out a soft hum when the cool liquid made its way down her throat. It had been dry and itching for a little while but she didn’t want to leave Tom’s side. She was his biggest supporter, not just the assistant that had been loving him for three years now.
She couldn’t distinguish whether she ever crushed on him or just immediately found herself loving him. She had been a silent admirer of him and his work before she got the amazing (and well paying) opportunity to work as his personal assistant. But she was a professional and strictly made herself keep all the romantic feelings she had for Tom on the down low, she knew that both of their images were at stake if she’d dive into the cliché “employee messing with their boss” mess.
It was easier said than done but she quickly developed some quality acting skills that prevented the British gentleman from even guessing her true feelings about him. She didn't want to jeopardise her job as it was something she really loved and appreciated doing.
"[Y/N]!" Tom called out in panic, causing her to place the water bottle on the kitchen counter and run back into the living room, where she found him standing in front of the coffee table with his phone still in his hand. The anxiety clouding his eyes quickly vanished the second he looked at his assistant, her presence immediately had calmed him down.
His loud ringtone echoed through the room. “W-what should I do?” he questioned, feeling like he had lost all common sense while his heart beat harshly against his ribcage.
She chuckled and shook her head while pointing at his phone. “Accept the call!”.
He frantically nodded, letting his thumb slide across his screen before holding his phone to his ear. [Y/N] let out a shaky breath, this was finally the big moment and she was glad that she was the only one who got to witness it. He never put up a show in front of her during these types of moments and that was one of the many reasons why she loved him; he unconsciously made her feel so special on an almost day-to-day basis.
“Hello?” Tom spoke before a nervous laugh escaped his lips, “Gerald, how are you?”, his manners were impeccable while his facial expression turned serious. A big frown crept onto his face, he bit his lower lip and slowly nodded his head. The room got silent and the assistant didn’t know what to do; she was silently contemplating whether to have a seat on the couch or stay on her feet, ready to walk away in case he wanted some privacy.
A smile appeared on her face when the actor looked at her again, smiling brightly and motioning with his hand for her to take a seat on the couch. Her stomach fluttered in delight at the fact that he wanted her near and witness this exciting moment with him.
She made her way over to the couch and was about to sit down when a loud gasp escaped his lips, a smile stretching across his handsome face. “Thank you so much! I-I can’t believe this! Thank you, thank you!” he happily spoke out and then chuckled. She stared wide eyed at him as she quickly caught onto what was happening.
He had gotten the role.
[Y/N] barely could hide her grin as she felt the anxiety disappear like a heavy weight being lifted off her shoulders. An overwhelming urge to reach out for Tom’s handsome face and press her lips against his overtook her senses. But she knew damn well that that was something didn't have the right to do. So, with a soft sigh she fought her inner voices and body parts to stay still and not do something she'd regret.
Words couldn’t describe how proud she was of him, he was perfect for the role and she couldn’t wait to see the whole production come to life. Tom would have the time of his life and gain more experience in the industry which could lead to his next job, once the play would be over.
“I certainly will!” Tom laughed and nodded his head, snapping [Y/N] back to reality. They locked eyes and just grinned at each other. “Thanks again, have a nice day. Bye!”, a loud laugh escaped his lips as he tossed his phone onto the couch and surprised his assistant by charging towards her and then quickly engulfing her in a tight embrace.
“I got the part! I can’t believe it!”
“Congrats, Tom! I knew you’d get it”. [Y/N]’s knees almost buckled as her arms were wrapped around his broad shoulders, his delicate scent filling her nostrils. Her body instantly relaxed and she felt lightheaded, she wished for this moment to last forever, this is where she felt to belong. In his arms. The actor gave her another squeeze and let out a relieved sigh, his body enjoying the intimate embrace, the sensation surprising him greatly. They had hugged countless times (which had always left [Y/N] a sensitive mess like in that current moment), but this time it felt different for him.
Her delicate scent mixed with her sweet perfume made him close his eyes, his soul suddenly being at peace. The feeling of her soft and squishy body made him bury his head in the crook of her neck and gently sigh out in pleasure. She clenched her jaw in order to stop herself from gasping out loud as an intense shiver coursed down her spine. Tom had never hugged her this way, his beard tickled her sensitive skin and she loved every second of it.
Her heart skipped a beat before playing a loud song against her ribcage, this felt like a dream. A delicate dream she hoped to never wake up from. The room was silent, their soft breathing being the only thing whispering through the atmosphere as the actor continued to enjoy the feeling of having his assistant so close to him.
Pleasant tingles coursed through his body as he absentmindedly gave her another squeeze, her beautiful face appearing behind his now closed eyelids. No one spoke a word. Just two souls initiating their passionate connection.
“Tom” [Y/N] whispered after a few minutes, needing to end the moment even if it made her heart ache. But she knew that if she wouldn’t speak up, he would and probably conclude that they’d been hugging for way too long and inappropriately. When he hummed softly and opened his eyes, he gave her one final squeeze before slowly pulling away and smiling at her. He didn’t regret anything.
He drank in the sight of her beautiful face, his eyes sparkling suddenly. “We need to celebrate this!” the excitement was slowly bubbling up again in his stomach. The assistant let out a chuckle and pulled her out her phone from her jean pocket. “Sure, who do you want me to invite?” she questioned while trying to get down from the delicate high she still was on. His cologne mixed with his mesmerising scent still lingered in her nose and her heart even ached more now.
Her fingers slightly trembled while typing in her passcode before she went on the message app, ready to send out a dinner invitation to Tom’s closest friend group. She cleared her throat and looked up again, her heart skipping another beat when she saw him smile brightly at her like she was the most delicate creature walking the earth...
“How about I cook something just for the two of us and we can celebrate with Ben, Charlie and Idris tomorrow?”.
[Y/N] let out a breathless chuckle and nodded her head, “Sounds great…”. Words couldn’t describe the euphoria pumping through her blood. Even though he hadn’t officially asked her out, she still felt happy and excited to spend some more time alone with him. She didn’t have high hopes of something happening but just being in his presence was more than enough for her to soothe her cravings temporarily and that made her gladly accept every opportunity to be alone with him, work related or not.
“Great! How about Chicken Fettucine Alfredo?”. She grinned, nodded and put her phone back into her pocket. She was overwhelmed and didn’t know what to do next, a part of her wanted to throw herself back into his arms and another one to get back to her house and let the previous, intimate moment dawn onto her.
She chose the latter.
“I-I’ll go freshen up and finish some tasks for you. Let me know when you want me back” she smiled at him one last time before walking towards his front door, knowing that the actor was staring at her back. “Okay, I’ll send you a text message!” Tom gently called out and watched with a smile on his face how she waved her hand in the air to indicate that she had heard him. [Y/N] then had left his house seconds later.
“Mhm…” the actor whispered to himself, suddenly feeling his stomach sink. The happiness and excitement simmered down while he sat down on his couch and leaned back. His eyes fell shut and he thought about what just had happened: He had gotten the role of one of his favourite plays and felt like he was dreaming. He couldn’t wait to start the project and try his best to captivate the people with his talent all over again. He was going to play Robert, a man whose wife was having an affair with his best friend of several years.
He was impatient to find out who was going to be casted as the other two characters: Emma and Jerry. He appreciated and loved his work so much, but knew that he wouldn’t have gotten this special part if it weren’t for his assistant who had strongly encouraged him to audition for the play.
[Y/N].
Tom could barely express how much she had changed his life for the better when he had hired her three years ago. He just had broken up with his famous ex-girlfriend and was being bullied by her fans so much that he disappeared from the spotlight once his work schedules were cleared.
His friends didn’t see him often as he hid away in his house, trying to tune out the discomfort and regret he felt from letting the whole world focus on his relationship. He was known for keeping his private life private, but the love he had felt for her had made him disregard his own strict rule and boundary. To be publicly ridiculed was one of harshest lessons he had to learn.
That's when his agent suggested hiring a personal assistant to help him keep his profile on the down low until he’d feel better.
[Y/N] was hired not too long after his hiatus from the public eye, her job had been to see what roles the entertainment company Tom was signed to had to offer and also fulfill personal tasks like going grocery shopping or sending out birthday gifts and so on. But with her already having caught serious feelings for him, she had a natural urge to also take care of him, not as her boss but as a confidant and comforter.
It was her bright, charming and loving personality along with her soothing and encouraging ways that slowly brought Tom out of the protective bubble he had created around himself. A strong friendship was quickly formed while he felt himself change back into this natural self. A better self.
[Y/N] became his silent rock to lean on while continuing to work for him. When he was back to his naturally charming and funny self in public and private, she had become conscious about her feelings for him. She was surprised (but also very relieved) that no one had suspected anything. Benedict and his wife Sophie, Idris and his Wife Sabrina along with Charlie and his wife Samantha all had quickly grown to love her as a part of their friend group.
The assistant was way more loosened up with the actors wives as they had a very close and strong bond as women. Around the male actors, she was a tiny bit more reserved but just to keep up the professional “I am not hopelessly in love with my boss and don’t want you to know about it” act.
But Tom was just as supportive of his assistant when life became difficult for her too. Often placing a comforting hand on her shoulder or back while fighting the urge to hold her close and promise to take care of whatever issue she was facing when she couldn’t keep the tears to herself anymore. Tom and [Y/N] had come a long way together, individually and as friends.
“Bloody hell”
Tom muttered when realising that he had zoned out for a good ten minutes. His stomach was doing flips but he didn’t feel sick or nauseous. The overwhelming urge to feel [Y/N] so close to him again had left him craving for more ever since she had left his house.
He bit down onto his lower lip when he remembered the delicate sensations tingling through his body, the intensity was something the actor hadn’t experienced in a long time. Or ever. He shook his head, snapping himself out of his little daydream and shot up from the couch. “I should go grocery shopping for tonight’s celebration” was what he muttered to himself before picking up his car keys from the small coffee table and saying his goodbye to Bobby who had waltzed into the living room with a wiggly tail.
Tom chuckled, petted his beloved dog and then made his way towards the front door with a pleased smile resting on his handsome face.
~~~
“Fuck, why am I like this?” [Y/N] cried out in frustration as she was standing in her full length mirror, staring at her naked body wrapped in a towel. She just had gotten out of the shower, her skin was glistening and glowing from the lotion she had applied to her body, her hair moisturised . She was scanning her body from head to toe and slowly felt herself become insecure. She had this lingering feeling that the hug she had shared with Tom had a deeper meaning.
Her conscious refused to let go of the matter and she found herself wondering if he’d ever be interested in her. Her eyes continued to scan her body from head to toe, every thick bump and curve being intensely observed. “Stop it” she hissed at herself, shaking her head and trying to distract her craving heart from the fact that it might had found its perfect match. “I’m just the assistant” [Y/N] reminded herself before stepping away from the mirror and walking over to her closet.
She didn’t want to overdress for a simple celebration dinner, and quickly decided on a simple and comfortable outfit for the private event; a pair of black jeans, a white, long sleeved shirt with not too much cleavage and a black jean jacket in case she'd get cold.
It took her a few minutes to get dressed before she focused on her hair and light makeup. She chose to not wear many layers of makeup. Tonight she preferred a natural look that would also enable her skin to breathe easily. Once she was done, she gave herself a final look in the mirror and nodded her head in approval.
She looked beautiful, as always.
“Let’s do this then” she whispered to herself and then made her way out of her bedroom. Now all she needed was for Tom to let her know that he was to welcome her back into his house. “Okay, it’s nothing special” the assistant muttered to herself while suddenly feeling her heart starting to beat faster in her chest.
This was the usual habit she had whenever she was about to see the British actor: reminding herself that her deepest desire wouldn't become reality and to keep herself in check. [Y/N] had been in love and had loved a decent amount of people but never had she felt these intense emotions for someone.
She had been with the most charming and loving or shitty and selfish people, the heartbreaks she had gone through were either very painful and long lasting or quick and rather painless. It always made her wonder how Tom had been able to sweep her off her feet in such a delicate yet simple manner, and why she loved him stronger with each passing day.
The plus sized beauty was now in her kitchen, eating a granola bar while sitting at the counter. The silence in the house smoothly encouraged her to relax for a little while and unwind. She had finished the few tasks she had to do for her boss; making sure that his stylist had the suits ready for his public appearances that were coming up in a few days.
A BAFTA event was just around the corner and Tom had gladly accepted their invitation as he was one of the many ambassadors. The organisation had planned a few games with delightful prices such as apprentices abroad for upcoming musicians, actors and artists or tickets to Tom’s upcoming play to encourage people to get in touch with their creative self.
The actor was thrilled to meet new people and witness others from different backgrounds, to witness them earn amazing opportunities to either learn, travel or create themselves artistically.
[Y/N] wouldn’t join him to the event. She had a lengthy list of new things to work on for her boss. The final Avengers movie would be released in the theaters in a few months but Tom wouldn’t join the press tour as he’d be on stage here in London. But his own Loki series had gotten the green light so he’d have to start meeting up with the creative writers and producers to see how they’d bring the series to life. It was obvious that Tom would be booked and busy for at least a year.
[Y/N] got lost in her thoughts again, absentmindedly finishing her granola bar while planning her following weeks ahead, she knew that stressful days were ahead but she didn't mind that at all. At the end, she'd get her job done.
It took her a few minutes to snap out of her daze before her phone loudly notified her that she had received a message.
From: Tom
Finally, she thought to herself while unlocking her phone and reading Tom’s new message.
To: Me
I’m done cooking, waiting for your presence now 😊
From: Me
“Aw” the assistant cooed with a wide grin on her face, the message was so short and simple yet it made her feel like she was floating on cloud nine. Especially because Tom rarely used emojis, so to see that she was worthy enough for a smiley face filled her heart with joy.
To: Tom
Her thumb hit the sent button before she hopped off the kitchen stool, her heartbeat increasing again as she felt a rush of warmth and excitement ripple through her body.
I’m on my way 😊
[Y/N] took her purse off the counter and placed her phone in it before taking out her keys. Her footsteps softly echoed through the air as she made her way to the front door with a gorgeous smile resting on her face. She couldn’t wait to see her love again.
“Wow” was the first thing Tom whispered once he swung the door open, his eyes immediately were blessed with the sight of [Y/N] standing right in front of him. Their eyes sparkled while staring deeply into one another. “Hi” [Y/N] whispered, her body relaxing instantly while waiting for the actor to welcome her back into his home.
~~~
“Hello” Tom finally spoke, his heart pounding so hard that he was afraid she’d be able to hear it. He took a step aside and widened the door, “Please enter”. The assistant thanked him before walking into his house, not noticing how he closed the door while whispering a soft “You are so beautiful” into the air.
“It smells amazing” she complimented while already having placed her purse on the small coffee table in front of his couch, now patiently waiting for the actor to turn around and interact with her.
Tom took a few seconds to lock his door before finally turning on his heel and biting back a grin when his eyes landed on [Y/N] again. Her beauty and presence were sucking him into a delicate whirl of endless contentment, but he didn’t fight it. “Thank you, I hope you’ll enjoy the meal. How about a drink first?” he suggested while walking over to her and playfully holding out his arm to her.
She chuckled and happily linked her arm with his, his cologne mixed with his scent filling her nostrils while they made their way into the kitchen where she could hear the soft sizzling filling the air. Tom led her over to the big counter where he already had set the table and everything else up, some candles included. It looked like a romantic dinner.
[Y/N] clenched her jaw to stop herself from voicing how pretty everything looked, it looked like a meal for lovers, not employer and employee. But she swallowed her thought, not wanting to risk saying anything that could ruin the smooth and delightful vibe. So with a soft sigh, she turned around and gently thanked Tom for preparing the celebration dinner.
“Don’t even mention it” he chuckled and made sure that she was comfortably seated before he rushed over to the pans and pots and started to serve her the celebration dinner. Her mouth watered at the delicious sight and she couldn’t wait to dig in. But she patiently waited until he was done with his own plate and was seated before she rose her glass filled with non-alcoholic Peach Moscato. [Y/N] wasn’t planning on getting drunk as the next day would be very hectic for her.
"To you” she gently spoke, her heart fluttering in her chest when Tom copied her actions and smiled brightly at her. “No, to us” he added and let his glass with the same drink clink against hers.
“I didn’t do anything” the assistant responded with a soft chuckle before taking a quick sip of her drink and humming in delight. It tasted delicious. “You’re the actor who went to the audition” she added before lifting her fork and smoothly digging it into a piece of diced and seasoned chicken.
Tom shook his head while following her motions, “You did a lot actually. I wasn’t sure whether I was good enough to even audition for the role. But you encouraged me and supported me from the beginning to the end, and I can’t thank you enough for that [Y/N].
Once his words left his mouth, the room fell silent.
[Y/N] and Tom just looked at each other, so many unspoken emotions flashing past their eyes. The tension had shifted again but not to something awkward. It was like their souls were communication as the sparkles in their eyes never left. They only thought about each other and how grateful they were to be in that intimate moment with one another.
The actor couldn’t stop thinking about how he suddenly longed to be close to her again. Feel her warm and soft body pressed against him, have her scent make him forget about the world and just focus on her. His lips tingled, the urge to feel hers pressed against his overwhelming him.
[Y/N] was thinking the exact same thing, the attraction she had felt for him only became stronger with every passing moment. Her breathing became quicker when her mind started to picture how it would feel to kiss him…Hold him close while letting their lips melt together as one with nothing but love and passion.
“T-Thank you” was all she was able to say as she snapped back to reality and realised that she hadn’t responded to his kind words. Tom nodded his head and gave her a bright smile before both of them continued to enjoy the food together.
“This is scrumptious” the assistant praised with a hum before taking another bite, trying to play it cool while she felt the heat and warmth course through her body. Tom chuckled and bowed his head, blushing at the simple compliment, “I’m happy you’re enjoying it”. What he didn't voice was how he had spiced up the simple recipe, the need to impress [Y/N] driving him through the short time of preparing the meal.
The two of them then continued to eat while talking about their upcoming vacations, the production of the play wouldn't start until a few weeks and the Loki series was months away from being filmed. [Y/N] didn’t want to just talk about their work and happily listened to Tom voicing his desire to travel to Asia again for two weeks. He then told her about filming Kong: Skull Island in Vietnam and Hawaii. Throughout the dinner, his hand found hers numerous times and he gave it a gentle squeeze before sliding it back and either taking a sip of his drink or finishing his plate.
"And so I had to explain to my boss's ex-girlfriend that he had wanted the engagement ring back but that he was too embarrassed to come and collect it himself! After he had been caught red handed cheating on her!" [Y/N] finished explaining the crazy story about her previous employer, clasping her hands against her cheeks and shaking her head at the awkward memories.
___
Tom was having a delightful laugh, his cackles echoing through the kitchen while trying to imagine how his assistant must've felt in that moment. "That is just crazy! I assure you [Y/N] that I won't ever ask you to do such a thing for me" he chuckled at the end and shook his head.
"Good, because that experience made me add lots of terms and conditions to my general contract. I've actually been rejected a few times because those who had been interested in hiring me didn't approve of my demands" the assistant chuckled and rolled her eyes.
"Like I have no issues going grocery shopping for you but I won't do your dirty laundry or buy lube and condoms for you at 3 o'clock in the morning...". The last phrase made Tom almost choke on his spit before he burst out laughing again, his cheeks starting to hurt from all the smiles and laughter. He couldn't remember the last time he had laughed or enjoyed someone's presence this much.
"Shit, Tom. it's almost midnight! We've been eating and goofing around for hours!" [Y/N] gasped in panic, not having realised how fast the time had rushed by. She quickly got up and took her now empty plate, strutted over to the sink and was about to wash it when Tom's voice stopped her.
"Don't even think about turning on the sink, [Y/N]. Let me do this" the soothing yet amused tone in his voice made the assistant roll her eyes and simply place her plate in the empty sink and turn around with a defeated look on her face. "Fine! But I better get going then, thanks again for the meal, it was delicious".
Tom grinned at her and joined her at the sink, both of them washing their hands before drying them and making their way out of the kitchen. "It was my utmost pleasure, [Y/N]". No words were spoken after that as the assistant collected her purse and made her way to his front door, feeling like she was floating on cloud nine.
"Let me know when you get home safely, okay?" Tom whispered while surprising her again with another gentle hug, his arms and hands welcoming her delicate body again. All poor [Y/N] could do was nod her head and close her eyes for a few seconds, no thoughts clouding her head as she lost herself into the embrace.
"Goodnight" she then whispered while pulling away, looking one last time at his handsome face before creating some space in between them, her heart feeling like it was about to combust into flames. "Goodnight beautiful, thank you for being you" Tom whispered, the sparks glistening in his eyes as he watched his assistant bite her lip to prevent herself from grinning like an idiot.
The two of them shared another gentle moment before [Y/N] turned around and left Tom's home. He watched her walk down the front porch and to the drive in where her car was parked. The man couldn't keep his eyes away from her, she was all he could think about and he couldn't stop whispering her name every few seconds while watching her drive off into the night...
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-Emmanuelle 💋❤️
#tom hiddleston#tom hiddelson#tom hiddleston x reader#tom hiddelston imagine#tom hiddleston x plus size reader#tom hiddleston x plus#plus size reader
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nsfw a-z JAEHYUK (treasure)
A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
he forgets he even exists until you’re back to your usual, smiley, cheerful self. he becomes your slave and he is prepared to do anything for you, from cleaning you up to leaving you alone (which he never wants to do but if you want to be left alone who is he to refuse). he gets a little worried when you appear down or anxious after having sex with him the first few times but you reassure him that it’s pretty normal and that he just needs to be there for you when you need him.
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
he likes his hands. he likes the way they look against your skin when he’s holding your waist and how he can get the perfect grip around your neck. his fingers are long too which makes it very easy for him to reach places 👀🤭
on you he likes your lips. he likes his own lips, sure, lips in general are really nice, yeah, but your lips are something else. feeling them against his own, how soft and gentle they are, he never wants them to leave his. the way you bite down on them when he’s giving you some amazing head too… that how he knows he’s doing something right.
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
he’s a cumming inside kind of guy but obviously that’s not always possible so the next best thing is a hot facial. he likes when he’s finished all over your face and then you clean it all off the tip of his dick with your mouth too.
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
he keeps a pair of your panties under his pillow for when he’s horny at night without you. you know about it, but no one else does.
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
1 sexual partner. i wouldn’t term him a sex god, but he has a general idea of how to make you feel good, he may need a little direction to go off of the first few times.
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
as much as he loves seeing your pretty face, hitting it from the back is his favourite position. he has total control of the situation when you’re on all fours without it seeming overpowering or oppressive. you can also get the deepest strokes from him while in this position. sometimes he gets a little shy about his facial expressions but this way he doesn’t have to be.
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
you’re both still young and sex is supposed to be fun and so he makes light out of every situation to make it seem less intense. he likes tickling you and making you giggle, he likes just talking about random things even though it’s not the time or place, just to make you both feel more comfortable.
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
he will keep it nice and trimmed for the most part but obviously sometimes sex can happen at unpredictable times. in those instances, it’s usually grown out, but he’s not ashamed or insecure about it.
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
romance is the only thing on his mind. this guy loves whispering things into your ear, or just telling you how good you’re doing, because he wants you to feel loved and appreciated for all that you’re doing. something romantic that he does that ALWAYS catches you off guard is caressing your cheek with the back of his hand/fingers and then gently pinching your chin with his thumb and index finger to make you look at him and kiss him.
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
it actually takes him a while to cum when he’s on his own, and he usually asks for your help before going anywhere else. i see him as someone who likes to feel himself when he’s doing it, like he’ll use oil and drip it all over his naked body while sitting on his gaming chair.
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
sensory deprivation (giving and receiving)- it’s rare that you two don’t have vanilla sex, but blindfolds are something that you incorporate into almost every scene. he loves putting them onto you or wearing them to show a trusting relationship between the two of you. although some intimacy may feel lost because you can’t look into each other’s eyes, it means that every little action feels electric, and that is wayyy better for you two in the moment. you know each other's likes and dislikes and use those to THEIR advantage for sure.
breeding- okay i already said he likes cumming inside so there’s that. but it’s also because he’s so possessive. and he wants to hear you beg for his hot cum inside you too. or for you to ride him and not stop until he releases inside you.
praise (giving and receiving)- as i mentioned above he loves to tell you how good you’re making him feel, how well you’re taking him, how pretty you look. he wants you to feel good in the moment because he feels that way too. he also loves when you tell him how good he’s making you feel.
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
so it has to be private first of all, i don’t see him getting freaky anywhere that you two can get caught. i’m guessing his ultimate favourite place is just in bed, but he’s not opposed to some action in the kitchen on the counter when he knows no one will hear or interrupt, or even on the sofa when he doesn’t think you two can make it to the bedroom.
he’s also keen to try out a little something special, maybe in the bath. where you two start having an innocent yet romantic bath, that slowly turns into something more. but he spends too long trying to figure out how it would work and decides it is too much hassle than it’s worth.
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
as boring as this sounds… the thing that turns him on the most is kissing you. he pulls away from intense kisses with the biggest, hopeful smile on his face. your lips really have that effect on him.
he likes when you dirty talk and when you attempt to take the lead from the get go. the phrase that gets him the most turned on is “i want you in my mouth”. your enthusiasm is SUCH A HUGE TURN ON.
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
no hook ups, casual sex or one night stands. he has to be in a relationship with you and you guys have probably been dating for a while before anything happens anyway.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
prefers to receive but is extremely good at eating you out. he’s not shy and will go straight for it after using his fingers just to get you a little wet to begin with. he likes to smile while he’s down there, he knows that you know when he’s doing that and that you like it so of course he’s going to.
when it comes to receiving he enjoys enough to make him want to repay you almost immediately. he doesn’t really know what to do with his hands, whether they should be on your head or his, but he can’t control them anyway because he’s so into your sucking his dick.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
more on the fast and rough end of the scale. he can’t bear being slow, that’s just teasing himself really. but usually after he’s cum, he does a few extremely slow strokes, just to make sure his cum is in and that it’s all in there.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
not a fan. at all. doesn’t want to get caught, doesn’t want one person to feel left out of the pleasure bc that’s usually what happens, doesn’t want to rush anything. if he’s feeling horny at an inconvenient time of the day, or if you are, you usually just agree to wait.
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
not really. he’s almost always vanilla, with a slight teeny tiny bit of light bdsm thrown in (d/s, handcuffs, blindfolds (occasionally)) and so he doesn’t really like venturing out of his comfort zone. if you share the same wants as him, that’s perfect. if you wanna be a little more adventurous, it’s going to take a lot of convincing and he has to trust you.
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
2 rounds maximum. most of the time only 1 because he’s tired and just wants cuddles after releasing a load lol. can go for 2 but it’s very rare and would take a lot of you turning him on to get him to do it twice.
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
no toys when he’s around. he does not like the idea of being replaced by a toy, anything that a toy can do, he can do too, that’s his thoughts on the matter. he doesn’t want to use them on himself either, isn’t even willing to try because he’s told himself that he won’t like it.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
he slowly reveals to you that he’s a big ol tease. and you’re not getting away with anything just because you want to, he might have let you before, but not now. he likes to be teased too, but just so you know, you’re getting punished for doing it.
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
okay this boy is LOUD. at first, he tries to be real quiet, then once a small whisper espcapes he’s just like fuck it and it slowly starts building up to a very… audible session.
he’s definitely one to talk during sex, not even just dirty talk, he will literally talk about anything lmao. but he always announces before he finishes, he repeats “i’m cumming” or “i’m going to cum” multiple times before actually doing so. you actually start finding it kind of cute and endearing.
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
did i mention he’s a big fan of kissing lol. he embraces any and all types of kisses and it’s very gentle and delicate. sometimes (when you’re really taking him there) they become super hungry and he somehow manages to back you into the nearest thing, whether that’s the wall or the bed etc. that’s the first real sign that he’s horny.
honestly, i don’t think he’s that shy about talking about your sex lives with anyone. like he’ll offer advice and share his experiences with anyone willing to listen if you say he can, just because he empathises with those who might be nervous or on edge to try something.
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
he’s blessed what can i say? he’s longer than average and thicker than average AND knows how to use it (eventually). every inch of him is perfect and “down there” is no different. of course he’s vvv proud of his dick size and doesn’t hesitate to bring it up, but he actually kind of feels sorry for you having to take it all.
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
when you first get into a relationship, although it’s quite high, he can control it so much so that it appears to you that it’s low. but soon you learn that he wants pussy every other day.
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
if you let him, he’d be asleep straight away lmao, but only if he could have his arms around you of course. but if you wanna stay up for a bit, he’s down. he hates morning sex because he’s too tired to go a whole day afterwards loool.
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Clear The Area - Chapter Six
Previous chapter HERE
Warning: Mild language
Summary: Sarah’s parents make a visit, and not everyone is happy with Sarah’s choices.
Note: Sorry this took a while to get out.
CHAPTER SIX
There’s a couple of things you should probably know about Jocelyn and Noah Bernette.
The first is that they are salt-of-the-Earth people. They are friendly to anyone, heavily involved in their community, and they make regular donations to a charity that provides home improvements to families so they can live comfortably with a disability. They once spent a summer volunteering with Habitat For Humanity and have fostered approximately 18 cats and dogs over the past seven and a half years. Jocelyn regularly bakes cakes for their neighbours and Noah is obsessed with his garden and tending to the Norwegian Purple Heather he paid a fortune to have shipped over from Bergen. Politically, they are liberal in practically every sense of the word and up to speed with the latest democratic events. Seriously, you would have to work extra hard to trip them up if you wanted to hold any kind of debate with them.
Sadly, the Bernettes could not have children biologically for one reason or another. Jocelyn in particular struggled with that knowledge. She figured at the age of 34, with most of her friends now mothers and fathers themselves, a child was the obvious piece missing from their puzzle. Professionally, they were both pretty much at the top of their respective trees and they had no mortgage to speak of so naturally the only thing left to accomplish was raising a child. So, thereafter, followed several years of testing, waiting, waiting some more, then more testing, but the doctors couldn’t fathom why it just didn’t want to happen for them. There didn’t appear to be anything medically wrong with either of them. It was nature, they said, as though that was supposed to be some kind of comfort. Eventually, when Jocelyn reached her 40th birthday, she and Noah decided it wasn’t meant to be and opted to try a different route, though it wasn’t much easier being told implicitly that they were now too old to adopt a baby.
Which leads to the other thing you should probably know about them: they don’t like to be reminded that Sarah is adopted. It suits them just fine to block out the first 12 years or so before they met. It’s not to say they completely disregard her past of that they want to forget they couldn’t have children, it was more that on some psychological level Sarah had long since given up trying to understand, they felt more like a real family if they could continue to believe that they had always been this way, that it was fate they would find each other and live happily ever after.
Jocelyn wanted to experience sleepless nights from a crying baby wanting to be fed but instead she learned to deal with sleepless nights waiting to see if their runaway child was going to come home before four in the morning. They would argue about boyfriends they didn’t trust or buying a car they didn’t think she would look after. Jocelyn would later attempt to make the move from mother to best friend as soon as Sarah moved away to college, always planning meet-ups or sending her cut-outs in the post about make-up thinking she would be interested in them and they could perhaps bond over shared hobbies. She could finally empathise with her friends and neighbours about whether their children were surviving their studies. All stereotypical parental concerns and she embraced each and every one of them.
Noah on the other hand, a few years older than Jocelyn, was definitely calmer about the whole thing. He was glad they chose this option for them both because he reasoned he might be too long in the tooth to start changing nappies or teach another human being how to ride a bike given that he didn’t know how to do so himself. Instead, they could take what they had, what they both worked so hard to achieve, and help someone who hadn’t had the best start in life. Isn’t that they best way of helping your community?
Lisa once joked that she learned more about Sarah from one dinner with her folks than she had learned from Sarah herself over the course of knowing her for six months. But she couldn’t understand why Sarah had a particular desire to create a distance between herself and them, and from her seemingly healthy teenage years in a quaint town in Maine, a far cry from Michigan in more ways than one. Shanna didn’t understand either but Sarah wasn’t always forthcoming about her rationale even after knowing for as long as she did.
Sarah learned early on that it was best not to talk about her birth family. She was thankful to have Noah and Jocelyn steering her at a time when it would have been all too easy for her to go off the rails. Of course, she was thankful; who wouldn’t be, living that kind of comfortable life. She didn’t want to see ungrateful. It just never really settled within her. She always felt a little out of place and struggled to adjust to the wealth of positive emotions, love, and a somewhat material wellbeing she hadn’t experienced before. She provided the Bernettes with their missing piece and they wanted to reward her for that but she in turn felt like something was missing from her own identity and that feeling only grew as she got older. Increasingly, she felt like who was as a Bernette was not entirely in line with who she felt she was in the baseline of her DNA. At times she felt like she was merely living to someone else’s expectations so moving to Boston was something akin to therapy.
“And he just gave you this?!”
Jocelyn was stood by the wardrobe in Sarah’s bedroom. She usually did this under the pretence of casually catching up on life and everything else but realistically, Sarah knew she just wanted to snoop around in the hope of discovering hints of a boyfriend she’d been keeping to herself. Shanna was currently sat on Sarah’s bed, one leg tucked underneath and enjoying their relationship from a distance. She was wondering when she’d bring up Prince Greg as she’d dubbed him on account of his floppy hair. She felt like she knew more of Sarah when she was around her own family. It was kind of fascinating to see.
Jocelyn held the dress up in front of her, taking it in, gobsmacked. Sarah had never seen Jocelyn this excited before. To the untrained eye, it was just a simple black mini-dress; unclingy with loose full-length sleeves and a frilly detail around the hem. There was a silver thread woven into the stitching that caught the light if you were stood the right way. Chris was right; it was cute. Shanna suggested wearing it with black tights and those heeled boots that were her go-to date footwear. Her only go-to date footwear, Audrey would remind her whenever she managed to drag her into town for some shopping. Being overtly dressed-up wasn’t something Sarah was easily comfortable with and Chris knew this, so simple was definitely the way to go.
“Not exactly. It’s a loan. I’ll have to give it back afterwards.” Sarah pressed.
She was ready to get to the exhibition centre before it closed but Jocelyn didn’t seem in any particular rush. Her knowing Chris Evans was perhaps the thing Jocelyn was most proud of in Sarah’s life and she always managed to work in a conversation or two whenever she visited. Rather than be irritated by it, Sarah actually found it rather amusing. Chris seemed to have a sixth sense for guessing when Jocelyn was trying her patience, though, and played up to her a little bit so as to give Sarah a break. She once lost her asking him questions about the Academy Awards for nearly an hour. The amount of beer she had to buy him afterwards as a ‘thank you’ nearly bankrupted her.
“Well, you’ll have to make sure your hair and make-up matches. You can’t wear a dress like this with a ponytail.” She was speaking in what she assumed was a helpful tone. It was a good job she couldn’t see the face Sarah was pulling right now.
“Oh, between us all I’m sure we’ll be able to figure it out. I’ll have to do the same thing, too.” Shan was trying her best to act nonchalant in an effort to support her best friend. “I mean, it’s not often any of us get the chance to get dressed these days, really.”
“How lovely. You can borrow my emerald earrings if you like? They’ll bring out your eyes.” Jocelyn was more than a little eager now, no doubt buzzing at the thought of having her personal jewellery plastered all over Instagram. She zipped up the dress bad and placed it carefully inside the wardrobe while Sarah and Shan just smiled at each other knowingly.
As Jocelyn moved to the bathroom to wash her hands, they left the bedroom opting for the relative safety of the living room where Noah had set up camp alongside Chris and ESPN. He was a keen follower of most sports with golf a particular favourite. He was saving up for tickets to the PGA tour next year as a retirement gift to himself. Sarah knew Jocelyn wasn’t going with him but couldn’t be entirely sure he hadn’t invited Chris along in her place.
“What’s she mithering you about this time?” Noah asked, eyes glued to the TV screen. He didn’t get much time to sit and be still watching television at home so visiting his daughter was even more of a treat. If Sarah could survive being the sole focus of Jocelyn’s attention for hours on end, he would have happily left them to it for the afternoon and set up camp with Chris and a glass of Talisker.
“Nothing much, it’s OK. Are you ready to go yet? It’ll take about 20mins to walk there,” Sarah was hinting as heavily as she could now, short of jingling her keys in front of their faces likes they were cats.
“Sure, go grab your mom and we’ll head out. Have you had thoughts about dinner yet? Chris, would you like to join us?”
“Well, I was quite keen on seeing the exhibition myself actually but I’d hate cause you guys any problems with my being there.” He tried to casually shrug it off in a look she’d seen all too often lately.
“I’m sure we can manage,” Noah managed to tear himself away from the TV screen for his beloved Chris. “Is it a ball cap situation or more of a through-the-backdoor type of thing? I’ve never had to sneak around before. Could be fun?”
Sarah appreciated Noah’s casualness and evidently, judging by the grin spread across his face in that moment, so did Chris. He turned to look over the back of the couch at Sarah, silently asking her permission.
“Well, I did get a 4th ticket in case you or Scott fancied coming...” she offered. “I mean, I’m fine if you are?”
Chris gave her a grateful smile. “Give me two minutes and I’ll be right with you.”
*
For this time of day, the gallery was surprisingly busy but mainly full of people Sarah figured were die-hard fanatics of his art and who probably wouldn’t recognise Chris if he appeared in front of them dressed in his full Captain America get-up waving the American flag. As they passed by the smiling security guard. Noah wondered quietly to Sarah what the Venn diagram of McCurry aficionados crossed with Marvel fans would realistically look like. Given his nerdiness for all things mathematical, no doubt he’d have an answer figured out for them by the time they reached the Vietnam display two halls away.
“...and this was the photograph that started the Live Aid charity.” Jocelyn stopped in front of a small photograph, no larger than one you’d have in a frame at home yet unmistakeable on the wall alongside dozens of other images, Sharbat’s eyes piercing your soul. Walking slightly ahead of them, she’d somehow managed to link arms with Chris and was now acting as their defacto tour guide, explaining each piece to him in turn as though he’d never seen them before. Anyone who knew Chris properly would know he greatly enjoyed photography and was well read on the latest pieces. Nevertheless, he was still polite and nodded along as she enthusiastically spoke of the lens McCurry used to achieve the effects of his art.
As they moved through to the third and final hall space, things had gotten noticeable quieter as more people were filtering out. Noah and Jocelyn were deep in conversation with a local art student who had stopped to sketch a couple of pieces, and Chris seemed far more relaxed and happy walking around without his NASA cap on. No on had paid him any attention all afternoon, it must have been a nice change of pace for him.
Sarah lost track of how long she had been staring at a larger canvas piece of a bridge with a giant concrete hand underneath holding the structure up. The place was unknown and the image was photographed from high up, possible from a plane or helicopter. It was oddly serene even if the bridge had become overgrown with reeds and dirt.
“I think it’s meant to represent Mother Nature’s battle against Man,” Chris spoke quietly as he approached her from behind, standing to one side as she continued to stare at the image.
“That’s an interesting theory. Where did you read that?”
“i happen to have an ongoing subscription with National Geographic.” Chris said, comically smoothing his beard in contemplation. Sarah almost believed him until she registered what he had said. Chris clocked her side-eying him. “Joss told me to tell you when she saw you looking at it.”
She smiled at him before turning back to the wall. “I think I want to visit this place one day. It’s like the complete opposite of Boston.” she mused.
“You’d never leave Boston. It’s in your DNA now. You’re officially one of us.”
“That’s....that sounds vaguely threatening.”
“You have leprechaun pyjamas and you’ve been drunk at Fenway. You pretty much tick all of the boxes.” Chris smirked and turned to walk away.
“How do you know I have those pyjamas?” Sarah followed behind him.
“I didn’t. You just told me.” Sarah punched him in the arm and Chris pretended to wince.
Noah had somehow managed to loop back around the bookshop from the start to purchase a couple of prints and a biography before joining them as they headed towards the exit. The rain had started getting a little heavier during the time they had been inside and Sarah chastised herself for ignoring Jocelyn’s advice to bring an umbrella with her. If there was one thing you could guarantee in even the nicest of Summers, it’s that Jocelyn Bernette always, ALWAYS, carried an umbrella in her handbag. Also, one of those waterproof macs that rolled up to the size of a dollar bill but she couldn’t convince anybody that they were a good idea.
As they gathered outside, Sarah gently pulled Chris back by his elbow. “Hey, there’s no pressure on staying for dinner if you’d rather head out or whatever. I think they were keen on you stopping out with us but I’m happy to make an excuse if you’d rather not.”
“What? No, it’s totally fine. I really like your folks. They’re fun and interesting.” Chris noticed Sarah’s look of skepticism. “Seriously, you need to chill. I’m having a good time. It’s nice doing normal things for a change.”
“In that case, I’ll let them know you’re up for a bike ride tomorrow. Dad wants to rent a tandem.”
“Are you....Are you being serious?” Sarah nodded. “Wow, they really go all out, huh? What are you gonna do while they do that?”
“No idea. Probably hold their bags.”
Chris laughed. “Man, those two are cute. I’d kill to be that dorky when I’m their age. You’re so lucky.”
Sarah considered his point for a moment, looking at Jocelyn waving her flip phone up in the air trying to get a signal. She’d lost track of the number of times she’d tried to convince her to upgrade, telling her they could stay in touch more easily with Whatsapp rather than pages-long emails once or twice a week. Sadly, this would turn out to be the last positive memory they would have of their peaceful afternoon.
“Can I ask you something, but you have to promise not to get mad.” Chris posed an interesting question. How was she supposed to respond to that?
“I don’t get why you’re meeting Charlotte.” He could see Sarah about to protest and continued regardless. “I don’t see what good can come from this. You’ve tried it once before, it failed, and you didn’t leave you bed for two weeks. I was there, Sarah. It was horrible. I don’t understand why you would put yourself through that again.”
His tone was a little louder than he realised and placed a hand over his mouth, wiping at his beard as if that would somehow erase his words from having been spoken. Sarah didn’t know what to say. She was tired with a continuous feeling of frustration at having to explain away her decisions at every turn. She hadn’t mentioned meeting her birth mother for a while now but could sense the apprehension people had at the thought. If it wasn’t Chris, it was Shanna, and if it wasn’t Shanna, Audrey had kindly informed her she was taking an unnecessary risk although she didn’t put it quite so mildly.
“You don’t have to agree with me. I get that no one supports me here,”
“Oh, that’s unfair. Jesus.” He turned to face away from where Jocelyn was stood, only a few feet ahead of them but seemingly oblivious to their contention. “It’s not just you that this affects, you know. You seem to forget that.”
There was no mistaking his argument this time as he drew Sarah’s attention back in her mother’s direction.
“Have you guys been talking about this behind my back?” Sarah finally asked after what felt like minutes of silence. Noah was now indicating at something ahead of them.
Chris took a breath and Sarah could tell he was refraining from saying something he might regret. “No, we haven’t we’re just concerned is all. You don’t know her -”
“- hence why I am going to meet her.”
“- and you don’t know what she is after.”
She stood still as Chris continued walking but only getting a few steps ahead of her before noticing she’d stopped altogether. Jocelyn and Noah continued on ahead of them, enjoying the drizzly walk and the lights of the town and gradually getting further and further away.
“Do you not think it’s just what she wants to know who I am? What is it that you think she is after?”
“Sarah, don’t do this, OK? I’m not going to get into an argument with you about this now because I’m not going to say what you want to hear. I’m sorry.” He looked at her carefully for a second. “I just...I see you guys together hanging out and it fits, y’know? You’re so like them, Sarah. You think the same things, you like the same things. If I didn’t know you at all, I’d think you were the double of Joss. They’d be heartbroken if they knew what you were doing.”
Sarah couldn’t look him in the eye. The older Sarah would have possibly turned to run at this point, trying to avoid conflict at all costs, but they’d had spats before and Chris was nothing if not annoyingly unflappable. She knew he would tell her straight and as much as she might not want to hear it right in this moment, it was probably for the best.
He saw a flash of what looked like hurt cross her face. Now or never, he doubled down. “You wanted to know what I thought so I’m telling you.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and turned to make tracks but not before one last bash. “I think this is a bad idea.”
“Well, then it’s a bad idea I’ll deal with myself.”
*
#Clear The Area#Chris Evans#Evans Fic#chris fic#chris evans x original female character#Sarah Bernette#Syms Writing
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a pair of idiots
Jared Padalecki x reader
Fluff
For the challenge by @thisismysecrethappyplace . Sorry it’s late!
The first time you met your neighbour you were shifting boxes into your new apartment. You were quite happy in your own world moving at your own speed while listening to some upbeat music. It was going to take all day but you could cope with that. You had the whole weekend to move in and an extensive playlist that had taken longer to compile than packing up your stuff.
That had been the plan anyway.
After only a few trips back and forth, and before you could even process what was going on, a giant, enthusiastic man was lifting twice as many boxes and cheerfully carrying them wherever you directed him. On the second trip up from the lobby you learnt he was called Jared and on the third trip you found out he lived on the floor above you. By the final trip you were tired enough that you wanted nothing more than to collapse on your couch and ignore the mountain of boxes. Unfortunately, the manners your mother had drilled into you had other plans and took over, so you smiled politely “Do you want a drink?"
"Although I should point out I have nothing to offer but water and I don't know where my glasses are yet … Although I could probably find them if you can wait.”
You were rambling, it was one of your two default settings: painfully shy and quiet or voicing your every thought no matter how random. Inside you were praying he would say no. Jared seemed a perfectly nice man but the idea of having to make conversation with a relative stranger terrified you. Spending the evening in your own company would be just fine.
“I'll pass on the water but why don't you come to my place for pizza, kind of a welcome to the building?”
You had dodged one potential disaster only to fall into a more awkward situation. You promptly switched from rambling to silent.
“Um….. “
“Great”
Unable to correct his assumption you watched as he opened an app, “What kind of pizza do you like?” Before you could answer that question he was tapping his screen and half out the door saying he would just get a few different ones.
Pizza wasn’t quite a disaster, you didn’t say more than a few sentences the whole evening but that didn’t seem to matter. Not only did Jared not seem to notice your shyness or perpetual embarrassment but he also managed to talk enough to fill any gaps when you were struggling to speak. Even when you were forced to admit you had never watched his show there was no uncomfortable silence. It made it a little easier to do the polite thing and reciprocate his offer by inviting him over for lunch the next weekend albeit while hoping his filming would run over and he would cancel.
It turned out that inviting him round was a huge mistake because after that lunch you never quite got rid of him. In fact, barely a few days went by without Jared stopping by your place or inviting you to his. It wasn’t that you didn’t enjoy his company you just weren’t used to having a friend like that. One who would spontaneously want to hang out and take the time to check on you. You made a concentrated effort to be more open around him and as time went on you managed to talk more and join in the conversation rather than only reacting to what he said. It was slow going but you were making progress. Fortunately he was willing to be patient with you and gave you the time you needed to feel relaxed with him, dangerously this also led to you unleashing your habit of blurting out random trails of thought. Thankfully Jared didn't seem to mind your shyness or your unfiltered stream of consciousness. He didn’t seem to mind any of your quirky behaviours.
To his credit your increasing confidence was as much down to Jared as your own strength of will. Probably mostly down to him if you were honest. Jared was very perceptive and noticed whenever something made you uneasy. He never pushed you, unlike your family. On a few occasions when he invited you out with his friends he didn't seem to be offended by you saying no. He made you feel comfortable without doing anything but be himself. You could talk to him, joke around, sit in peaceful silence reading, watch movies, knock on his door without calling in advance. They sound simple things but you had never felt able to open yourself up like that to anyone, even people you had known your whole life.
You didn’t entirely understand how your friendship had developed. You were glad it had, but you couldn’t understand why Jared had spent so much time getting to know you and had been so patient with you. He had plenty of friends he could spend time with who would be more fun and less work. More than once you had wondered if it was all down to his general kind and caring nature more than any genuine affection. You tried to chalk those thoughts up to the constant stream of nagging whispers that questioned your worth.
Every so often there were days when those demons got the best of you and dragged you down. After accidentally stumbling into one of those days Jared took it upon himself to call a pyjama day whenever you admitted you felt like you were starting to drown. You would spend the day cuddled on the couch under blankets together doing whatever helped. There was usually a considerable amount of crying, some of it proper ugly crying, but Jared never once looked at you as if you were being silly or childish, he just had an endless supply of tissues. There was no one else on earth, except for your mother, that had seen you in that state and certainly no one that had been so devoted to helping you. When he was away and you felt that darkness creeping over you all you wanted was for him to come bounding through the door.
The first time Jared found you in a teary mess he had admitted to his own struggles. You couldn’t help but admire how open he was about it and it made it easier to talk to him about your own problems. It wasn’t until a few months later that he opened his door and you saw a man suffering. His hair was askew, his face grey and his eyes dull. It was as if someone had removed the battery from your friend and left him running on emergency power. He barely spoke and collapsed onto his couch as if he hardly registered you were there. That was the first time it was your turn to help him. You were never sure if anything you did made a difference but from then on Jared always called you when he felt it setting in.
By the time he finished work for the year you could safely say he was your best friend. He seemed to understand you and never seemed to mind if you weren’t up for talking or if you didn’t want to go out. When he invited you to the wrap party for his show you should have been pleased but instead it made you feel sick. You knew a few of his friends but being in a room full of strangers was not something that appealed to you. Being Jared though, he figured out how you felt without you saying anything and didn’t make you feel like an awful friend for not wanting to go. You said goodbye to him in your own way the next night watching three films of his choice with snack food of his choice until you both fell asleep on the couch.
*********
In many ways you were Jared's opposite; where he was boisterous you were calm, where he could socialise and talk for days, you could happily exist quietly in your own company. Being around each other pulled you both from your polar opposites to a middle ground. He could bring you out of yourself and you had taught him the joy of relaxing and embracing the quiet. You balanced each other, you fit together, you understood each other.
It was true that Jared had a lot of friends already, he was close to people he worked with and had gotten to know other people in the area. He found it easy to talk to people and had always found himself surrounded by friends. That didn’t mean he never felt alone and it certainly didn't mean he never felt like he wanted to withdraw from the world. He could empathise with you more than you might expect.
The first time he saw you he couldn't help but be drawn in by the adorable way you kept muttering to yourself, totally contained in your own world. In your shyness there was a self reliance he envied even if you couldn’t see it yourself. Although Jared found it easy to socialise he didn't always have the words he wanted. That's why he had launched in to help with your boxes rather than embarrass himself by stumbling over his words.
He saw the shyness but it didn't frustrate him or make him think you were weak. He saw the little glimpses of you that you let out and it only made him want to see more. He knew there were words unspoken in your head he just had to make you feel comfortable enough to speak them. When you did you only drew him in further. Your quietness hid a wicked sense of humour and you had a gentle caring nature that he wanted to protect. You were unpretentious, real and unaffected by the superficial industry he was surrounded by. It was refreshing and he found he craved your company more and more.
*********
You never said it but you officially hated Jared being on hiatus. It was selfish but entirely his fault. Until you met Jared you were used to being in your own company, but he bounced in and carved a (rather large) niche for himself in your life that sat conspicuously empty when he was away. You missed your daily catch-ups over coffee, late night hot chocolates and take out when he had been filming late, walks in the freezing weather, snowball fights, movie marathons, and occasional meals out when there was a special occasion. It didn’t help that the closer you were, the more your heart got involved, no matter how much you tried to tell it not to. Nothing good could come of you falling for your best friend.
From the first day Jared woke up in Texas his fingers itched to text you. He lasted till midday before he gave in and began sending you photos of his home, telling you about his holiday and really anything he thought you would like. You responded in kind and before long an epic text conversation had begun that never really stopped over the following weeks. Sure there were hours between messages sometimes and you didn't talk about anything significant but you were constantly in touch and Jared found himself waiting for each new message.
This didn't go unnoticed and between the smile each message brought to his face and the number of times he checked his phone his family guessed something was going on. The comments at home however, were gentle compared to what happened when he was at conventions. Jensen had picked up on his increasingly close friendship with you over the previous months and stepped up his teasing when he noticed Jared's fascination with his phone. Especially after he managed to steal it to nosy at who Jared was talking to so much.
At the other end however, you had formed quite a different impression and talked yourself into a different interpretation. With your usual lack of self-confidence you never thought Jared might be messaging so regularly because he missed you, instead you decided he was being kind, as he had been throughout your friendship. With each message he sent, a nagging voice would suggest that he must have better things to do while he was at home, better friends to spend time with. In those moments you convinced yourself you were exploiting his kindness and he was bound to become irritated with you. Of course rather than voice your concerns you simply retreated.
Somewhere in the Midwest, after a week when your messages had become less and less frequent, Jared pulled his phone from his pocket and checked it for any kind of notification.
"Seriously, put your damn phone down. That's the fourth time you've checked it in the past 30 minutes and the fourth time you've held up these photo ops."
As much as Jensen was enjoying teasing Jared about his apparent obsession with you the constant delays to everything they did was getting on his nerves. Jared mumbled a sorry and plastered his standard smile on his face. His heart wasn't really in it though. As much as he liked meeting the fans his mind was elsewhere. Luckily they had a break before the next panel.
"Do you think I should call y/n?"
"Will it stop you looking at your phone every 5 minutes?" Jensen sighed knowing there was no getting away from the topic.
"She might be busy"
"Then she won't answer. Call her or I am confiscating your phone till the end of the day".
Jared narrowed his eyes at Jensen before turning away trying to find a quiet space. He held his breath as he dialed your number and listened as it rang out. When your voicemail kicked in he let out his breath before hanging up.
Should he try again? Would that seem clingy? You would know he had tried to get in touch by his missed call. What would it mean if you didn't call back? He let his head fall back against the wall behind him. Having these doubts and questions was unusual for Jared and didn't help his anxiety. As much as he tried he couldn't stop his mind returning to you and your sudden withdrawal from his life.
Had he said something to upset you? Were you having a bad time? Had something happened to you? After eating a rushed lunch he checked his phone one last time before the panel began. Still nothing.
Catching the despondent look on his friend's face Jensen cocked an eyebrow questioning him. He had teased Jared and joked along with the rest of the team but he knew there was a fine line between Jared being able to cope with life and his anxiety and depression grabbing hold.
Jared held his hands up to stop the comment he thought was coming "I know, I know. I'm gonna give it to Cliff while we're out there".
"That's not what I was gonna say" Jensen responded more kindly than he had all weekend. "I was gonna say you should tell her how you feel rather than pretending you just want to be friends and tormenting yourself"
Jared didn't even try to deny it. Jensen knew him too well.”It's not that easy when I'm not even there. Besides I don't want to mess up our friendship”
Jensen clapped his hand on his friend's shoulder. “We've got some time off over the next few weeks, just fly up there and tell her. For all our sakes”
*********
You weren't ignoring Jared, but you had tried to slow your responses in an attempt to avoid overwhelming him. That and you were trying to save your heart some suffering by distancing yourself before you got hurt. It didn't seem to be working very well and you decided to throw yourself into work as a distraction.
The confidence Jared had helped you build had made it easier to get to know your colleagues and you had somehow been volunteered to lead a new project. Although it might be good for your career it also meant you were signed up for a 'Leaders Away Day' which no one seemed enthusiastic about and you were fairly sure might kill you. Your saving grace was that at least one good friend from work also had to attend and the pair of you agreed to stick together. To prove you were both 'team players' and enjoying ‘developing key leadership skills' you posted a series of selfies together from each task. About the only honest photos were a broad smile with the ice cream you had bought at the end of the day and the dinner you shared with your partner that evening to celebrate surviving the corporate bullshit.
*********
Checking your social media had become part of Jared's routine. Not in a creepy way, he told himself, but because you were friends. After the final panel of the day and over dinner with Jensen he found himself scrolling through your #awayday photos. He recognised the man with you as a work colleague but wasn't sure what your #awayday tag was about, although he decided (with no evidence whatsoever) that it meant the man had taken you away for the day.
“Dude you're not eating, what's up?” the frown on Jared's face was hard for Jensen to miss.
“You think this is a date?” Jared said without looking up.
“I'm flattered but I just don't see you that way”
“What?” Jared scowled “no I meant this” he passed his phone across the table
“um... Well they look like they're having fun. Who is he?”
“A friend from her work I think.”
“They're probably just hanging out then. You can't expect Y/n to just sit around and wait for you to get back”
“What about this…” Jared pointed to the screen “Look how he has his arm around her, and here, that's a nice restaurant, that's not just hanging out”
“But you go out for dinner with Y/n and you're just friends. Why don't you ask her about her day instead of guessing..” Jensen suggested before closing the app for his friend and forcing a change in conversation.
Hours later after too many beers and an increasing number of shots, Jared raised the topic yet again, opening the pictures and pointing out where he could see clues to a budding romance.
“I guess this is why Y/n hasn't been in touch as much”
“You could of course just ask her what's going on rather than making assumptions.” It was the same advice Jensen had been giving all evening.
“I'm an idiot. I should have known someone else would see how amazing she is”
“So tell her that, tell her how you feel.”
Jensen patted Jared on the back as he walked away to find a conversation that didn't keep circling back to you.
Jared was still drinking as he got the opinion of anyone who made the mistake of talking to him. Everyone gave him the same advice that Jensen had; to talk to you and tell you how he felt.. Taking a final shot for courage he pulled out his phone to call you.
Voicemail.
All three times.
Frustrated and worried he might lose the courage to be honest with you if he waited till morning Jared began to type out what he wanted to say.
*********
Sunday mornings for you meant sleeping in and not changing out of your pyjamas until you absolutely had to. This Sunday you failed at the first hurdle when you were woken by a loud banging on your door. A glance at your clock said it was 7 am.
You couldn't think of a good reason why anyone would wake you at 7 am on a Sunday so it was with some trepidation you peeked through the spyhole. You had expected maybe police or firemen, something hinting at the emergency that had pulled you from your sleep. You did not expect to see Jared looking exhausted and disheveled, and leaning on the wall opposite your door for support. By his side Jensen looked a little concerned but mostly impatient and tired.
In your shock at seeing the pair you seemed to lose the ability to speak, and as you opened your door your mind was trying to think of one plausible reason for why they might be there. For a moment nothing happened and there was no explanation from Jared for his sudden appearance. Instead he looked panic stricken as if until you opened your door he had forgotten where he was. Jensen was too exhausted to wait for his friend to get his shit together and offered a simplified narrative of how they came to be there.
Sometime in the early hours your friend had decided to book himself on the first early morning flight to Vancouver and had woken Jensen to deliver that news. Given Jared's inebriated state Jensen hadn't felt he could leave him to travel alone which is why he was tired and grumpy at your door. The explanation didn't do much to dull your surprise but it did kick you into action. After a little push from Jensen towards your door you took Jared by the hand and led him to the couch and sent Jensen home with a thousand apologies.
You were still confused by Jared's early morning trip and you didn't quite know how to ask about it. Jared was being uncharacteristically silent, although that was likely due to the fact he was embracing one hell of a hangover. That was at least one problem you knew how to tackle: some water and painkillers would be a good first step. Waiting for him to speak your heart seemed to be beating faster. There was a rebellious shimmer of hope that he had come specifically to see you. Your brain said you were being foolish, your heart didn't seem to care.
Jared could feel you watching him intently as he sipped the water. Why hadn't you said anything about last night and the messages he sent? Were you trying to let him down gently? Were you being kind and saving him the embarrassment? Deciding he would only get an answer by being direct Jared dodged the question and delayed the inevitable response by distracting you with an apology
"I'm so sorry about last night."
You tilted your head in confusion "What happened last night?"
Jared sighed remembering the state he had been in, "I was tired and I hadn't eaten much and I drank far too much and then when I called you I got your voicemail..."
"Oh sorry, my phone died yesterday, it's been charging overnight, I haven't looked at it yet"
The realisation that you hadn't read his messages hit Jared like a bucket of ice water. Maybe there was still hope to delete them before you saw.
"Oh… don't worry about it." he said quickly.
But you were curious about potential drunken voicemails, "Did you leave a message? Hang on let me grab my phone"
Before Jared could object or change the topic you were out of your seat and disappeared into your bedroom. Sinking a little further into your couch Jared contemplated making a run for the door. All his courage from the night before had evaporated leaving behind the doubts that had plagued him since he left Vancouver. He probably shouldn't have spent most of the flight reading the messages over and over while trying to anticipate your response.
When your phone powered up the number of message tones initially made you wonder if it had been damaged during one of the many thrilling activities of the away day. After a couple of jokey messages from your work colleague about aches and bruises you noticed how many had come through from Jared. You began reading them as you walked back to the couch.
[23:34] Hi you look really good in those photos and happy.
[23:37] I mean you always look nicep i@
[23:49] I don't mean you look just nice but you're pretty much my best friend and you must have noticed how I
[23:51] canton take my eyesight off your apology for not
[23:56] Sorry I hit too many buttons and it went. My words won't work or it's my phone. I think you look beautiful in the photos but you do everytime I see you. Even in my head.
You hesitated mid step as you scrolled through the messages. You had expected funny drunk over-excited puppy Jared texts. Not this. Was it a joke? Did he mean to send them to you?
[00:02] Because I think about you y'know. I kinda can't stop. And we're friends you know that and maybe he makes you happy but I could too if you give me a chance
[00:08]I know I get too loud and talk too much and behave like a kid and Im noy even there half the year and I'm not great at talking about important stuff
[00:09] but with you I can talk about anything and I don't have to worry about anything and I can be me around you. The real me with no pretending.you're kinda magic like that
[00:10] don't love him please
[00:11] Wait j wants to talk
[00:13] Hi, this is Jensen, I'm taking Jared's phone away now because he's drunk and that's not how this conversation should happen.I’ll try and get him to call you tomorrow.
Something in your brain refused to believe the texts were meant for you. That's why Jared was currently avoiding looking at you. He was embarrassed because he sent them to the wrong person… right?
You read them again still paused halfway on your return to the couch. You could handle this, you told yourself. Laugh along when he says it was a mistake. Don't make it awkward.
Trying not to appear completely flabbergasted by what you had just read you casually sat down next to your friend. You could almost feel him cringe when you put your phone on the coffee table.
“Y/n I'm so sorry. I drank way too much”
That was the confirmation you needed.
“So you didn't mean to send them to me?” your voice was so quiet it was a minor miracle he heard you.
“God no…” Jared shook his head as he began to explain.
“Oh”
“I mean yes…”
“What?”
“I mean I shouldn't have told you like that but… Yes, I did mean what I said”
“You are beautiful, And I can't stop thinking about you, And God I've missed you every day since I left, And I want to be with you, Good times and bad, And I have wanted to tell you for so long, But then I saw your pictures from your date and…”
You grabbed his hands in an attempt to stop the flow of words and confessions tumbling from his mouth.
“Wait… . What date?”
“Yesterday, with the guy from your work.”
You couldn’t help smile despite his defeated tone. “That wasn’t a date. That was a nightmare leadership course”
Although Jared brightened up at the news his embarrassment took over and he buried his head in his hands.
You gently pulled his hands away “I’m kinda glad you thought it was a date though ...why didn't you say how you felt earlier… like before you left the country maybe?”
Jared sighed deciding his embarrassment was at maximum anyway “When you first moved in and I asked you out with the crew and you said no i thought I didn't stand a chance so I figured I'd stick with being friends and I was just kind of hoping that you'd… y'know… fall in love with me” he added a half laugh trying to sound as if he was joking in case you told him he was an idiot for thinking that might happen.
“You’re an idiot”
Jared’s crestfallen expression made you rush to explain, “I don’t even remember you asking me out so I can’t say why I said no, if I did i’m an idiot too. But you should have told me how you felt sooner, you know there’s no way i’d have the strength to.”
Not entirely trusting the hopeful feeling bubbling inside him Jared tentatively pushed you to say more. “So….”
“So… your plan might not have been brilliant” you gifted him one of those wide smiles he loved so much “but I think it worked”
The kiss that followed wasn’t the most romantic of the many that came after in your relationship; Jared was still incredibly hungover and you had just crawled out of bed on a Sunday morning, but for the pair of idiots that had taken far too long to be honest, it was perfect.
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young wings; stray kids
◐ genre : angels au, fantasy, romance
◐ pairings : yang jeongin x reader
◐ general summary : they were angels. guardian angels. all nine of them. their sole purpose to protect one individual down on earth. they wandered around in white all day, serving mortal souls as their own. they guided you by observing through clouds but sometimes that isn’t enough. sometimes an angel has to fall before they can fly.
◐ chapter summary : the youngest of angels was already incredibly infatuated with your entire being. he had his heart set on you. nobody was going to tell him different. but there were rules when it came to being a protector. rules that mean’t he couldn’t have you.
◐ author’s note :
hello lovelies! I hope yall enjoy this. I’ve been wanting to post this for a while now so here goes :)) I am in the process of writing further chapters, your feedback is more than welcome so please feel free to message me and comment Lᵒᵛᵉᵧₒᵤ - admin bliss ✨
Chapter I.
His universe started and ended with you. You were this boy’s everything. He was already incredibly infatuated with your entire being. How couldn’t he be?
When you were beautiful.
In every which way. You were kind, thoughtful, considerate and selfless. So incredibly selfless. Jeongin had wondered if it were possible a mere mortal had the soul of an angel. You had the soul of angel. His theory was that you were just like him only you were trapped in a seventeen year old girl’s body.
He loved you. Loving you was his choice. He didn’t have to, most angels did love who they guided. But Jeongin was in love with you. In the most unconventional way for him because he couldn’t have you. At least not this way. He figured he’d fall to earth. He’d fall for you. “Hyung, if you could just hear me out-” the maknae pleaded with the lead Angel.
“Jeongin,” Chan says firmly. “You know the rules.”
Of course, he knew the rules. He had just hoped maybe they could be bent. Just this once. Jeongin had brought this up with Chan hundreds of times, begging him to send him to you. Jeongin knew it was possible. He had seen it. Angels could fall to earth.
“I know, but-”
“Do you want to keep your halo?” Chan asks the youngest angel.
“Nae.” Jeongin sighs. Of course he wanted to keep his halo. He had just been granted it along with his wings. Rite of passage for angels. All of his hyungs had them and now he did. Losing them now would just be shameful.
“Buddy, I know it’s hard. I understand, I’ve been in this position of wanting to descend down to earth, to fight off all their hardships myself but that’s not how it works.” Chan empathises with the younger. He knew what this felt like. He had fallen for who he protected too.
“Hyung, look at her.” There was adoration laced in the maknae’s voice.
Chan obeyed. He watched you.
Currently, you were sat on the steps of your family home in New York, contemplating everything, trying to figure things out. You did this often. You’d sit and think and every single time, without fail, Jeongin would watch you.
“She’s beautiful.” Jeongin says just above a whisper.
“I know.”
“And she’s so good, so kind, she has the heart and soul of an angel. She’s bound to be one of us.”
“But she isn’t.” Chan hated having to break the maknae’s heart, but he had to. “She’s mortal. And that’s only what’s going to make this worse - you’ll only end up hurt.”
Jeongin was already hurt.
Watching you wipe your own tears away was a pain no angel should endure. He felt helpless. He wasn’t doing his job right if you weren’t happy. Jeongin loathed that you were an expert at masking your feelings, you were hurting but you disguised it in false smiles at pep rallies and laughter at jokes you didn’t even find amusing.
“She’s going through such a rough time, she doesn’t deserve this. She does so much for people but she still feels so alone.”
“Yeah! And that’s where you come in, you have to reassure her, remind her that she will be okay, that this time will pass.”
“I have,” Jeongin promises. “I tell her everyday, hyung, sometimes I feel like she can hear me other times I’m not so sure. But that’s nothing compared to physically being there for her, actually getting to talk to her face to face and all.”
“I know.” Chan empathises. “If I could I’d send you down there right now, but I can’t. Rules are rules. I didn’t make them but it’s my duty to enforce them, to protect you.”
“And it’s my duty to protect her.” Jeongin says.
“I’ll tell you what, I’ll grant you one sighting.” Chan bargains in hopes of lifting Jeongin’s spirits.
Angel sightings were rare. They were special because they had to be granted. A sighting was when an angel was allowed to appear in their chosen’s dream. It was brief but the chosen would be able to have it linger in their memory. It would be faint but he would be able to see you.
Even if it was just a dream.
And for Jeongin that was enough. For now. It was better than nothing.
So that night you dreamt of clouds and clear skies. The sky was a blissful blue and an occasional cloud would bounce across the heavens like dancing sheep. With a giggle, you wistfully stared upwards as the sun basked your face in its yellow rays of glory, pointing at the white fluff to your companion.
A boy. A beautiful boy. One you couldn’t put a name to. But that didn’t matter. Your dream whispered to you that the two of you were close. Inseparable.
All of a sudden, you rose from being sprawled across the grassy, flower painted meadow. Your white dress flowing in the soft breeze behind you as you urged the boy to chase after you. He did. Eventually, he got a grip on you, spinning you into his embrace.
Up close, you noticed just how angelic he was. He couldn’t have been real. Clad in white and ethereal. The two of you just stood there in awe of each other. How strange it was that you found complete comfort in a face you couldn’t recognise.
His eyes twinkle, taking you in. “Y/N,” he breathes.
“Hmm?” You hum with a smile.
“Your wings already exist,” he says. “All you have to do is fly.”
Then you woke up. Sunshine seeping through your curtains. You smiled. Genuine glee swelled in your heart. It was overwhelming, but it was good. It had been a while since you felt this way, this happy. The sensation just rained over you and you hadn’t the slightest clue why.
It must’ve been the goodnight sleep. You told yourself.
That and the pretty little angel boy pining over you from up above. Jeongin now felt somewhat accomplished. He’d do anything to make you smile. He’d do anything for you.
Chapter 2
#stray kids#stray kids imagine#stray kids x you#yang jeongin x you#bang chan#kim woojin#seo changbin#lee know#hwang hyunjin#lee felix#han jisung#kim seungmin#yang jeongin#stray kids au#stray kids reaction#stray kids fluff#yang heongin fluff#kpop imagine#kpop#kpop fluff#skz#stray kids x reader#yang jeongin x reader
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Unofferable, Part II
TITLE: Unofferable, Part II
CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 6, Execution
AUTHOR: unofferable-fic
ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine courting Loki in secret for a number of years. While you’re both more than happy with the arrangement and are genuinely in love, you can never make your relationship public because of your status as a mortal servant.
RATING: M
NOTES/WARNINGS: Angst, Frost Giants. Playlist: “oh baby” — LCD Soundsystem, “Sons of Odin” — Patrick Doyle, “Midnight” — Coldplay, “Vestige of Hope” — Brad Derrick
It had been an…interesting time for Ellie and Loki after said God of Thunder discovered their secret. They had been genuinely dreading how he would treat them in public, convinced that he wouldn’t be able to contain himself from blurting out the truth, but it had been a relief to see that nothing changed. The couple had been on their way to the library to collect some books when Thor bumped into them with Lady Sif and Rainger by his side. Ellie very nearly turned and ran in the other direction.
“Brother!” Thor greeted his sibling, as he always did, and clapped him on the shoulder. “It is good to see you. And you, little one!”
“And you, Thor,” Loki replied, before acknowledging the others, who returned his greeting.
“What are you two doing for the afternoon?” Thor asked, lightly ruffling Ellie’s hair. If she didn’t like him so much, she’d give him a slap.
“I need to fetch some books from the library.”
“Ah, of course! It is your favourite place in the palace, no?”
“Only because it is the place which you avoid as much as possible.”
“They are at it again,” Rainger whispered to Ellie, wearing an amused smirk as the brothers began their good-natured banter. Even Sif was amused by the exchange.
“It’s how they show love, alright?” Ellie replied, eying the pair, but mostly happy about Thor keeping his mouth shut. “I much prefer this over them eatin’ the head off each other.”
Ranger nodded slowly. “I have to agree with you.”
“We were on our way to the markets,” Thor continued. “Why not join us instead of going to the boring, dusty library you love so much?”
Loki hesitated before he spoke. “The books I need are quite important—”
“Lokiiiii, come on! My coronation is but a few days away, and we will not have as much time to do these things afterwards. Come, you can bring little Ellie as well.”
Loki’s gaze briefly fell to her before he rolled his eyes and conceded. The eldest Odinson was delighted with the couples’ addition to the group, and began to lead the five of them down the halls and out of the palace. Instead of grabbing their horses, Lady Sif suggested that the walk might do them good, so the group were more than happy with stroll to the markets and browse on foot. While the princes and Lady Sif walked together ahead of the group, ideally chatting, Ellie and Rainger walked behind them, taking their time and discussing anything and everything.
“I can agree with you that I am fairly certain Prince Thor will drink himself into a coma,” Rainger mused. “Once his coronation is out of the way, I feel as though he will let go a little too much during the feast afterwards.”
“Good luck scraping him off the floor the followin’ mornin’,” she teased, pausing at a food stall that grabbed her attention. “Do you want a cake? These look delicious.”
Ranger grimaced at the thought of dealing with Thor the morning after. “I would rather not think about that. I would however love a cake.”
She bought five off the vendor before handing one of them to her friend, and then beginning to eat her own. She caught up with the gods so that she could offer them each a cake before turning her attention back to Rainger.
“I meant to speak with you,” he began, already finishing his cake after wolfing it down. “About something.”
She could only stare as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Jesus, don’t you chew?”
“Don’t you ever stop complaining?”
“No! It’s why we get on with each other so well.”
He smirked at that before he shook his head. “Look, we are getting off topic and I wished to ask for your advice.”
“I don’t know what good I’d be,” she admitted. “It’s not exactly like I’ve enough life experience to be offerin’ advice.”
“You have plenty,” he reassured her and looked over at the princes to make sure they weren’t playing much attention. “It is about a, uh, a woman.”
About to bite into her baked good, Ellie paused with her mouth open, eyes flitting to her friend. “A woman?”
Rainger nodded, cheeks slightly flushed. “Uh, yes.”
Without hesitation, she linked her arm around his. “Honestly, Rainger, there’s no need to be embarrassed. I’m assumin’ by your blushin’ that you really like this woman?”
“I do… She is quite something.”
“Are you gonna tell me who it is, or do I need to pry the information outta you?”
“She is one of the kitchen staff,” he admitted, keeping his voice low and his eyes on the ground beneath his feet. “You are familiar with Hedvika, correct?”
Ellie couldn’t stop the smile that spread to her face. “I do, and you have been pinin’ over her for ages. I’m glad you’re finally doin’ somethin’ about it. You deserve it after Leif politely turned you down.”
“I know that was a few years ago,” Rainger sighed. “But my confidence was somewhat shook by the rejection. He was well within his right to do so if he was not attracted to me, but you know that I’m not overly kind to myself after being rebuffed.”
“I know, Rainger, I know.” She gave his arm a gentle squeeze. “And I’m glad that we got passed it and became friends. Now I can give you all the relationship advice you need, despite my own inexperience.”
He chuckled at that. “You are too kind. So, what do you think I should do about Hedvika?”
“Well, I’m kinda of the opinion that she might like you too. You’s are both as oblivious as each other and always missin’ the way you two blush like lovesick teenagers when near the other. If I were you, I would start with talkin’ to her a bit more. Make an effort to be near her, and don’t be afraid to talk to her when you can. Then by the time our next servants holiday comes around, you can ask if she’d like to accompany you to the markets.”
He nodded as she spoke, attention firmly fixed on her as she offered what advice she could. “That is quite a good idea, actually.”
“I know, I’m full’a great ideas.”
“I will give you credit where it is due. If you ever need advice about men, just let me know.”
Ah, if only you knew what the hell I was up to right now.
“I will, but I very much doubt that will happen. I’ve yet to even meet one that can hold my attention.”
“I know you are quite fussy about men, Ellie, but really there is nothing wrong with that. You might as well wait for one who loves you dearly, and who you love back. Odin help him if he even manages to hold your attention, because then he would have to get Prince Loki’s approval as well.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she demanded, gaze flicking to her employer.
“I am fairly certain that he will happily threaten any men whom he deems unworthy with his knives before letting them anywhere near you. Am I wrong?”
Well, not entirely…
Their conversation drifted as the day went on, and a little while later, Ellie found herself walking next to Prince Thor, the other three members of the group otherwise distracted with interesting stalls or speaking to sellers.
“Thanks for not sayin’ anythin’,” Ellie whispered to the large god, making sure there was no one around listening. “For not bein’…obvious.”
The grin that he gave her in response was genuine and he placed a large hand on her meagre shoulder. “There is no need for thanks. All I ask is that you and my brother find happiness, and it is lucky that you seem to have found it in each other. I have known you since you were but a babe, and you told me a little of what you went through on Midgard, but I am certain that you deserve some joy after all that.
“I know Loki well, and I know how trying he can sometimes be. But I also know that you understand him just as well as I; you did grow up with him by your side, after all. I have noticed a change in him since you began your secret courtship. He seems more at ease, if you can call it that. He is still himself, of that I am certain, but I think he has benefitted from the experience. The same can be said about you, little Midgardian. While you have not been the same frightened child that arrived in our home for some time, you seemed to settle even more in the last few years. I hope that that is partially because of my brother.”
She was momentarily stunned by Thor admission. They hadn’t had a chance to speak since he discovered them in an intimate embrace, so this conversation was yet to be had, until now. She felt better for it, knowing that despite the negative connotations that one might associate with an Asgardian prince in a relationship with a mortal, Thor was all for it.
“I can safely say that he’s certainly helped,” she admitted, smiling at the memory. “I think he understood how I felt. Some of the Aesier weren’t exactly welcomin’ in the first place, but I think once Loki chilled out a little, he realised that we weren’t so different. Obviously you and the Allmother helped too, but he really seemed to empathise with me.”
“I know what you mean,” Thor replied. “I know that Loki and I are quite different, but I do wish that sometimes the people of Asgard could see him the same way I do.”
“I know, Thor. Honestly, I wish he could see himself through our eyes.”
Suddenly, Thor slipped a large arm around her shoulders and gave her an uncharacteristically gentle side-hug. “I trust that you will help him get there, Ellie. And do not worry, we will find a way to keep you together.”
The gesture was unexpected, for Thor was usually one for crushing embraces and jarring movements, but this one seemed so genuine that Ellie leaned into his touch, wrapping an arm around his frame so that she could squeeze him back. She was once more acutely aware of the fact that she would have to prevent him from becoming king in a matter of days, a reality that continued to hang over her head like an ominous, croaking raven. She said nothing, choosing instead to let the comfortable silence calm them, watching from a distance as Loki spoke with a stall holder with regards his wears. Sometimes she worried that he spent so much time wishing Odin could see him as worthy, that he forgot she, Frigga, and Thor already knew he was. Perhaps someday Loki would see himself as he really was.
* * *
That interaction had calmed the couple’s nerves somewhat. They no longer worried that Thor would randomly blurt out their darkest secret. But as our story goes, all good things must eventually come to an end.
Eventually, the time had come; Thor’s coronation had arrived.
The lead up to the coronation was unlike anything Ellie had ever experienced on Asgard. She had been a part of big celebrations before, but nothing of this magnitude. Considering she was handmaiden to a prince, she had even more running around to do. She was obliged to stick by Loki for the majority of the day, from the second he woke until the moment he went to sleep. As if this fact wasn’t already taxing enough, it wasn’t taking their plan into account. That was just added stress, something that was consuming them both in the run up to the event.
She awoke before dawn, never before dreading the thought of leaving her bed this much. But she didn’t have a choice. If she wanted to be with Loki, she had to do this. She eventually drew enough strength to haul her legs from beneath the covers, settling her bare feet into the fluffy rug beneath. Her arms trembled and she took a moment to steady her breathing. For some reason, she couldn’t shake the sick sense of dread that consumed her gut. As she gnawed on her lower lip, she recalled thinking before that she would wake up happy this morning knowing that she would prevent Loki being torn away from her. And yet, here she sat, realising all the factors that were playing against them. No matter how many times Loki assured her that he had ‘sorted it’, she remained anxious.
Treason, banishment, death… If we’re caught, how far will Odin go?
Ellie did the only thing she could; she pushed herself to her feet and got to work.
When she went next-door to Loki’s chambers after picking up his breakfast from the kitchens, he was already awake.
“I could feel you,” he explained, sitting on his bed and leaning against the headboard. “Your worries about today and all that goes with it.”
“Sorry,” she replied, setting the tray down on the nearly table. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“Your apology isn’t necessary, love.” As she moved to grab his clothes from the wardrobe, he spoke up again. “You can leave them for a moment. I would like if you came to sit with me.”
Looking over at him on the bed, she couldn’t help feel her heartbeat quicken. She wasn’t sure if she would ever not be mesmerised by his beauty. She didn’t argue and strode to the bed, not resisting as he pulled her on to straddle his lap. That being said, their was nothing sexual in his intentions, for he carefully cupped her cheeks and brought her down to rest his forehead against hers.
“I want you to know,” he began softly, thumbs idly stoking her skin. “That no matter what happens today, you are safe with me. I will not let anything touch you, or harm you, or tear us apart. The Allfather himself would have to go through me before laying a finger on you. Do you trust me?”
“Of course I do,” she insisted, staring back into his green eyes, noting the sincerity they conveyed. “We’re in this together.”
His lips stretched into a small smile as he answered. “Together.”
The preparations flew by. It seemed that every servant within the palace had a task to attend to, and no one hesitated in flying about to complete it. Once Loki had breakfasted and dressed in his ceremonial clothes, he and Ellie made their way to one of the many anterooms that lead to the main hall in which Thor would be crowned. Though they could not physically comfort each other in the open, they made sure to continually test their connection, giving a gentle tug whenever the other’s unease could be felt. A few comforting words uttered telepathically was another calming method they engaged in. Thankfully, it helped Ellie to relax.
The first noise they heard upon entering the room was Thor shouting “Another!” before being followed by the smashing of glass.
“He’s in good form,” Ellie whispered to Loki just as they rounded one of the large banners that lined the hallway.
“But he’s nervous,” Loki added with sincerity.
Before them stood Thor, also decked out in ceremonial garb for the occasion, Mjölnir in hand. Rainger stood obediently beside him, awaiting orders, as they walked up towards the couple. Loki and Thor stood together by the brazier at the foot of the steps that led up to the throne room. The distant murmur of the crowd within could be heard through the doors. Ellie stood on Loki’s right next to the banner from which they had come, while Rainger stood on Thor’s left in silence.
“Nervous, brother?” Loki asked, smiling beneath his helmet.
Thor laughed good-heartedly. “Have you ever known me to be nervous?”
“Eh, well there was the time in Nornheim…”
“That was not nerves, brother; it was the rage of battle!”
“Ah, I see,” Loki replied sarcastically.
Thor continued on, ignoring the comment. “How else could I have fought my way through a hundred warriors and pulled us out alive?”
The Trickster blinked, raising a brow at his sibling’s tale. “Uh, as I recall, I was the one who veiled us in smoke to ease our escape.”
Before he had even finished his sentence, Thor started to laugh as an attendant appeared offering a goblet of wine to the soon-to-be-king. “Yes… Some do battle, others just do tricks.”
The attendant stifled a laugh, immediately grabbing Ellie’s attention. She looked at him in dumbfounded surprise. Was he unaware how serious of a gesture that was? To openly laugh at a prince? Rainger certainly did, because his eyes nearly fell out of his head as he looked to his employer for a response. Ellie would have chastised the attendant herself if it was her place, but Loki quickly took notice of the man’s transgression. None too pleased with the disrespectful gesture, the Trickster swiftly twisted his hand in the goblet’s direction, a small green light gleaming in his palm. She grinned as the wine within the goblet quickly turned to eels, slithering and writhing out on to the tray in the attendant’s hand. He released a frightening scream and quickly dropped the tray with a clatter, the magic eels twisting every which way on the floor.
Loki released a breathy laugh, smirking in delight while Thor half-heartedly chastised him. “Loki… Now that was just a waste of good wine.”
“Oh, it’s just a bit of fun,” Loki said, feigning innocence. “Right, my friend?”
With a wave of his hand, the illusion of slithering eels disappeared, revealing the spilled wine on the floor. The two brothers chuckled as the attendant — who didn’t seem to get the joke — picked up the scattered items and took his leave. Rainger quickly stepped up after giving the fleeing man a dirty look. With a bow to Thor, he handed him his helmet, which the god held on to for a moment, hesitating in actually donning it immediately.
“Oh,” Loki began teasingly. “Nice feathers.”
With a snigger, Thor nodded to his brother’s own helmet. “You don’t really want to start this again, do you, Cow?”
“I was being sincere!”
“You are incapable of sincerity!”
“Am I?”
“Yes!”
Ellie watched as Loki turned to look at his brother, not an ounce of irony held in the words he uttered. “I’ve looked forward to this day as long as you have. You’re my brother and my friend. Sometimes I’m envious, but never doubt that I love you.”
Noting that his words were in fact genuine, Thor smiled and placed a gentle hand on the back of his little brother’s neck. “Thank you.”
Without missing a beat, Loki added. “Now give us a kiss.”
With a laugh and a slap on his chest, Thor replied. “Stop it!” As he turned back to face the steps, the uncertain nervousness reappeared on his face. “Really, how do I look?”
“Like a king,” was the simple reply. The distant blast of the ceremonial horn signalled the beginning of the ceremony. “It’s time.”
“You go ahead.” After an unsure look, Thor insisted. “I will be along, go on. And you too, Rainger.”
“Come, Ellie.” Loki gave her a nod, and she turned to follow him.
“Actually, Loki—” The trio turned as Thor called his brother back. “Could we have a moment alone?”
“Of course,” he replied and gave Ellie a look before going back to his sibling’s side.
“Best of luck, Thor,” she whispered kindly to the God of Thunder, who smiled and thanked her before she disappeared up the steps with Rainger in tow, giving them some privacy.
“I wished to speak with you,” Thor began, addressing Loki earnestly. “About your situation with regards the marriage…”
Now it was Loki’s turn to feel uneasy. He was just glad that Ellie was out of earshot for this. “I am not sure if there is much to be said.”
“That is where you are wrong.” He leaned in close and kept his voice uncharacteristically low. “I wanted to assure you that once I am made king, I will do everything in my power to prevent your marriage to Lady Sigyn.”
Loki blanched. This was something he had…not expected. An unforeseen spanner in the works. “Brother… you cannot. You cannot undo an order from the Allfather.”
“That I cannot, but I can speak with him about how I do not consider Lady Sigyn to be a viable option for marriage. If I were to sow enough doubt in his mind about ‘wasting’ his son on a useless maiden, then surely he would call it off. Then at least we would give you and the little one more time together. Perhaps by then, I could even convince him to leave you unwed, seeing what other ways he could gain favour with Vanaheim.”
It was naive. Very much so.
Loki wanted to reassure himself that no such thing could ever be accomplished. And yet, he couldn’t risk believing that Thor’s plan could ever come to fruition. Not only that, but the uneasy feeling in his gut only grew when he heard of his brother’s sincere intentions — he wished to use his position of power to make Loki happy.
And here Loki stood, planning to destroy his hopes of becoming king in order to keep the woman he loved.
He opened his mouth to argue, but he was quickly shushed by a god who insisted that ‘all would be well’. As Loki was gently shoved towards the steps, he couldn’t help would wonder if they really would be.
Once they reached the main door, the prince and two hand servants waited for Frigga, with whom Loki was to formally enter. She arrived moments later, presumably having some words with Thor before he too entered. Ellie was momentarily stunned by the beautiful yellow dress she wore, and was delighted to receive a reassuring smile from the Queen as her son took her hand gently in his, and stepped out through the doors.
The throne room was quite the sight. It was jam-packed with bubbling Aesir, as well as representatives from all across the Nine Realms. Massive, colourful banners from the various places within Yggdrasil adorned the walls, and Ellie couldn’t help but gaze in wonder at each to them. She stayed close to Loki and Frigga as they walked through the Einherjar who stood either side of their path towards the throne. She spotted the Warriors Three and Lady Sif at the front of the hall, happy to stand before all the guests in their place of honour. It wasn’t hard to overhear Fandral trying to get Hogun the Grim to crack a smile — “Look, forget the smile, just show some teeth! Remember, we are the Warriors Three!” — while Sif rolled her eyes impatiently.
“Fandral, he is not going to do it. But, if you would like a challenge, I know of an even greater one for you.”
“Name it, Lady Sif.”
She grinned and replied in a sing-song voice. “Keeping your mouth shut.”
“Ah, Allmother, Prince Loki!” Volstagg greeted them happily. “Good to see you.”
Frigga gave him a polite nod and greeted the others as well.
“And you,” Loki replied, taking his place at the front of the hall. He quickly leaned to whisper to Ellie. “You and Rainger must take your place off to the left of the throne.” He pointed to a spot near the foot of the steps. “The ceremony should be beginning soon. If I need you, I will call.”
Within her mind, his familiar voice reminded her. “All will be well, my love.”
“Of course, Your Highness, Your Majesty,” she answered him as she and Rainger moved off to the side with a slight bow of the head.
“This is quite impressive,” Rainger noted casually, his gaze wandering about the place. “It feels quite nice to be close to the action.”
“That it does,” Ellie agreed. “Who knew they would have us two eejits standin’ on the steps next to Odin’s throne while Thor becomes king.”
He chuckled, well familiar with her Midgardian terms. “Better us than another. We have worked hard to get here. We are the ones who have to serve the princes, two of the most finicky men in all Yggdrasil.”
“Y’know, Rainger; you’re right. We put up with enough of their shite to be up here. So well done us.”
With another blast of the horn ringing out through the room, the crowd went silent. Ellie watched as the Einherjar honour guard moved into formation. They parted at the throne, revealing the Allfather himself sitting in full ceremonial armour, Gungnir in hand. Frigga, Loki, Lady Sif, and the Warriors Three all bowed before him. Ellie had to hand it to him — he exuded nothing but power and majesty in his seat. That being said, as his gaze was cast over the Warriors as they took their positions on the steps either side of the throne, he did not look impressed with Thor’s absence. He focused on Loki and received a shrug in response, his mood worsening as Frigga stood on the step above the younger son.
“That’s the signal,” Ellie whispered to Rainger, brow raised. “And he’s not here.”
“I can see that,” he replied. “And Odin is not pleased.”
As the crowd began to murmur, she heard Volstagg on the other side of the steps ask Loki softly. “Where is he?”
“He said he would be along,” he answered honestly.
A shake of the head from Sif resulted in Volstagg looking to her for answers, to which she answered. “He wants to make an entrance.”
Fandral scoffed. “Well, if he doesn’t show up soon, he shouldn’t bother. Odin looks like he’s ready to feed him to his ravens.”
“I wouldn’t worry,” Loki muttered with a shrug. “Father will forgive him. He always does.”
At that moment, Mjölnir came thundering up into the hall, Thor striding behind it before calling it back into his hand. He raised it above his head triumphantly as the massive crowd erupted into cheers, and he milked it for all it was worth. Ellie couldn’t help but bite her lip as the prince slowly strode between the guards, tossing and twirling the hammer in his grasp in an attempt to rally the crowd. The Aesir gave him what he wanted, clapping louder and cheering him on as he oozed cockiness and delight, basking in the glow of their adoration. All it did was further remind her that perhaps Thor wasn’t the best candidate for this. She chanced a glance at Odin, and noted the sour expression on his face. Maybe he was having the same revelation?
Once Thor eventually reached the foot of the steps, he got down on one knee, rested Mjölnir on the ground, and removed his helmet. While Frigga gave him a scolding look, he merely winked in response and she couldn’t help but smile. Ellie smirked too and shook her head. Odin slowly got to his feet and, with a strike of Gungnir against the floor, the resounding boom brought the crowd to silence.
With sure and confident authority only familiar to those who have ruled for centuries, Odin began his speech. The pride which he held for his son was not difficult to see. “Thor Odinson, my heir, my first-born—“ His voice faltered before becoming steady once more. “So long entrusted with this mighty hammer, Mjölnir. Forged in the heart of a dying star. Its power has no equal — as a weapon, to destroy, or as a tool, to build. It is a fit companion for a King.
“I have defended Asgard and the lives of the innocent across the Nine Realms since the time of the Great Beginning. And though the day has come for a new King to wield his own weapon — that duty remains the same.”
Ellie tried her best to focus on Odin’s words, despite the increasing rate of her heart. She knew what was happening within the Vault. What was going to happen. In this hall filled to its capacity with people, only she and Loki knew the disruption that was due to take place. When exactly she did not know. All she could do was stand and wait, and hope that it worked.
As her concerns faded, Odin’s speech continued on. “Today I entrust you with the greatest honour in all the Nine Realms. The sacred throne of Asgard. I have sacrificed much to achieve peace. So, too, must a new generation sacrifice to maintain that peace. Responsibility, duty, honour. These are not merely virtues to which we must aspire. They are essential to every soldier and to every King.”
“Thor Odinson, do you swear to guard the Nine Realms?”
“I swear,” was the sure response from Thor.
“And do you swear to preserve the peace?”
“I swear.”
“Do you swear to cast aside all selfish ambition and pledge yourself only to the good of all the Realms?”
“I swear!” Firmly, with Mjölnir raised above his head.
Ellie glanced at Loki, knowing Thor would be crowned in a matter of moments. She gulped as he turned his attention towards Thor, face betraying no ounce of doubt or uncertainty as they waited for the inevitable. Despite his assurance that they would be alright, she took in a deep breath to steady her nerves, relieved that Rainger was too distracted by the ceremony to notice. Despite the fact she never wanted to betray Thor, despite the fact she wanted him to be happy, she was now impatiently willing their plan to just happen. And yet, as Odin continued to speak, she couldn’t help but wonder if it had been foiled. In a selfish gesture, she focused her gaze back on Loki — her Loki — smiling at his brother and looking as beautiful as ever. It was a rare thing to see him smile and yet she was the one worthy enough to witness it. She couldn’t even think about what it would be like to live without that smile in her life.
“Then on this day, I, Odin Allfather, proclaim you—”
In another uncharacteristically selfish gesture, she willed the intruders on, hoping they would do what needed to be done.
Odin hesitated and her head snapped in his direction. As his one good eye wandered away from his son, she held her breath.
“Frost Giants.”
Her eyes widened at his announcement. Around her, everyone snapped into action. While the Allfather struck the ground with Gungnir once more, and the warriors reached for their weapons, she met Loki’s concerned gaze as the hall erupted into confused chaos.
Now, there was no going back.
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I heard it was national coming out day yesterday, as I, a New Zealander, tend to always hear about days too late. I wanted to share something. I don’t really have many experiences with coming out but I have one that barely counts that I’m fond of. I actually found this in my drafts and thought why not. Even if it’s nothing said directly, it was still picked up on.
The context: Year 13 English Speech Assessment, the dreaded one. It was my last year, I knew I wanted to have a REALLY good speech (whether I achieved that or not is debatable but I was happy with it considering the time limit and other factors). I’m just going to share that with you first of all.
Fear is a universal infection to which there is no universal cure. Fear does not discriminate, diversity only provides it with more opportunities for it to act. Fear will lay dormant in your bones until you come face to face with the trigger, when it will pounce and enclose you in an ever tightening embrace that only loosens when you remove yourself from the situation. Fears can be irrational or rational, it could lend a helping hand or sabotage you. We tend to think of fears as bad things but they started as an evolutionary survival instinct, they crowd the line from helpful to unhelpful, too diverse to be contained. So, who in here is scared of something? Put your hand up if you have a fear, any fear at all. If you didn’t put your hand up then science says you’re lying, think about that. There are incredibly rare conditions where a person doesn’t feel fear but these are usually linked to some sort of brain damage. Fear is unavoidable, from birth to old age, no one is truly fearless. So, why do we fear things? What types of fear are there? Despite the diversity, is there a connection? We’ll explore that in this speech.
Why do we fear things? Scientifically, it’s a survival instinct, programmed into the nervous system, it has a purpose at a very primal level, something to be helpful to us. It’s impossible to truly have no fears, there are neurological and psychological conditions that could inhibit a fear reaction but these are rare. Some people will have more fears than others, but there will always be at least one. At a very basic level, humans are hardwired to have a fight or flight reaction to perceived danger. If we didn’t, we probably would’ve gone extinct years ago. We would’ve been killed by predators for which we held no fear, precaution thrown out the window with a scoff of disregard. All humans are born with two innate fears, the fear of falling and the fear of loud sounds. Every other fear is something we develop with time and experience, usually during the first six years of your life. It isn’t entirely surprising when you think of it from an evolutionary viewpoint, loud noises can indicate predators or danger and falling from a height holds the potential to kill us. But the rest of our life, why do we develop our fears? When I was very young, I thought I had an experience involving a dog that was more than double my height, it started running at me but no one came to my aid despite my cries for help. It’s vague now but I never did remember how it ended. The truth I learned about 10 years later was that this experience was a dream but since that day I’ve been terrified of dogs. Experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event is the most common cause of fear, though it can also be learned from others who have the fear. But, traumatic events. Car crash, nearly drowning, getting burnt in a house fire, seeing someone get shot or being shot yourself. Interestingly enough, a lot of these events are related to death. You have a brush with death and he slips you a fear as a response to you cancelling your appointment with him at the last second. Which, fair enough, a little more warning is appreciated. We take this fear, we nurture it with exposure, it blooms and if you take particularly good care of it you might grow a phobia. There is a thin line between a fear and a phobia but it is a line nevertheless.
What types of fears are there? In a more general sense, there’s 5 types of fear. These are known as Extinction, Mutilation or Bodily Invasion, Loss of Autonomy, Separation or Abandonment or Rejection and Humiliation or Shame or Worthlessness. Most fears will fit into these categories if you explore the reasons behind them. But what exactly do these categories mean? Extinction refers to the fear of ceasing to exist, of annihilation. Simply saying a fear of death really doesn’t cover the extent of this category. Mutilation or Bodily Invasion is the fear of losing a part of our body, of having the boundaries of our body invaded or losing a natural body function. These are fears where we feel physically unsafe or under attack. Loss of autonomy is what could be described as claustrophobia but it's also emotional claustrophobia. Fear of being restricted, confined, trapped, suffocated, overwhelmed or smothered. Separation or abandonment or rejection is exactly as it’s said. From an evolutionary standpoint, it makes sense. If a human was kicked out of a tribe then they would probably die. From an emotional standpoint, we’re social creatures, we feel the need to belong. Humiliation or shame or worthlessness is also as it’s said, alternatively known as ego death. We have a craving for approval, to feel lovable and worthy of love. Ego death messes with this and leaves us questioning if we are indeed worthy. If we analyse some of my fears we’ll see how they sort into these categories. Scared of heights? Extinction fear. Scared of public speaking? Humiliation/shame/worthlessness fear, also known as ego-death. Scared of dogs? Mutilation or bodily invasion fear. Scared of small places? Loss of autonomy fear. Scared of coming out? Separation or abandonment or rejection fear. There’s common fears and unusual fears within these categories, some you’ve heard of and some you haven’t.
The causes of fear are diverse, the types of fear are diverse, even those with the same fear react differently, experience it differently, but there is always the common factor of fear itself. Fear manifests in different ways, with different triggers, with different intensities and has different consequences. But that fear you feel in the pit of your stomach, being frightened, being scared of every future second and the possibilities it holds are the same. The label of scared is one we all keep, be it buried away or worn on a sleeve. Fear follows us everywhere hidden away or in plain sight. It tails us like an assassin waiting for the perfect time to strike. And we relate to each other, we sympathise and we empathise because we know how the other feels.
In conclusion, fear is a universal infection to which there is no universal cure. There are so many strands for it and so many ways we caught the infection. But regardless of this diversity, regardless of the true extent of the infection, we relate. We relate to the paralysing fear, to the absolute panic flooding the brain, to each other. With so many different countries, cultures, religions, languages, people and personalities in this world it’s hard to find a universal connection. But maybe the connection doesn’t need to lack diversity, maybe a diverse connection through the human race is what connects us all. Maybe that connection is fear.
Now you might have noticed a little line in there in the second body paragraph, really only four words. But those four words made the rest of my speech seem simple in comparison because I was so scared to say them. ‘scared of coming out.’ This was quite a step, I only had one person I knew in real life that knew I wasn’t straight and they weren’t at my high school. And suddenly I just decided to tell my entire class, should they pick up on it, that I’m not straight. It was my way of taking that step, rather than telling one person I was just going to tell everyone.
The result? People noticed. I did pause before saying it due to nerves so they probably started paying attention. My friend since kindergarten came up and hugged me and told me she was proud of me despite the fact that I was still technically being filmed and hadn’t done my Q&A section. I remember one tear fell. I was trying to keep it together because I was still being assessed but that one tear escaped, I was so emotional. I had some others in the class showing support. Some people seemed confused, some people smiled, there was not a single negative comment. And the surprising part? It never really left the class, not in a way that spread anyway. I even had someone ask me if I was out to my parents, if they could tell their mum or if I wasn’t comfortable with that (our parents are friends) and! I never expected that level of consideration!
My teacher I think was confused throughout the whole thing, like she’d missed something important and was trying to figure out what. But we had lunch next and what do I get? An email from her.
Not going to lie, I started crying. That was really the first adult response I’d had and it was positive.
Fast-forward a few months to my birthday and I get a card from a good friend of mine. She never said much about my speech at the time and I was a little concerned because I knew she had a religious background. Written, ‘I just can’t emphasise enough how good your speech was Lindsey! I never really told you, but that blew me away! You’re so brave and strong Lindsey! I don’t think there was anyone that was not touched by your speech, you came out of nowhere and hit everyone in the heart!’ there’s no way of telling if she was referring to that line at all but really? It seems like she was at least a bit to me, based on how I know her. Even if she wasn’t it’s general support that I appreciate (she’s great haha, working my ego up).
The point is, I took a risk and not all experiences are bad. Nothing bad came out of this. Not one thing. I know I never said ‘I’m bisexual’ explicitly but people were smart enough to gather the non-straight implication and do what they wanted with it. Somehow my parents still don’t know and this community talks, especially when your mum knows everyone. It’s not that I think they’d react badly it’s just a daunting experience and they’re also VERY oblivious and keep missing every single subtle and not subtle hint I throw their way (I have done everything but say hey guys, I’m bisexual. Seriously. I’ve even used the term girlfriend!). And I appreciate people keeping it to themselves despite me never asking. When I went into that speech I half expected my mum to have been told by 5 different people by the end of the day, there was nothing. I kept expecting it, nothing. It’s been months, nothing. It’s a little bit of respect I never expected when I shared it with so many people.
I just think, maybe this won’t mean anything to anyone but sometimes hearing a positive experience is nice. And I’m more than happy to be that person. I’m bisexual and proud and I will let it be known on my own terms, in a community of supportive people. Even if they don’t agree, they don’t actively disagree and I appreciate that too. I think it’s an attitude the world would be better with. So if it’s still that day in your timezone, happy coming out day. It’s okay if you’re not out and it’s okay if it’s hard for you to come out. I mean, I’m somehow out to pretty much everyone but my family at this point even though they’d be fine with it. It’s your process. Take your time. I’m proud of where you’re at no matter what!
#national coming out day#bisexual#y'know this might not mean anything to literally anyone reading it#and that's okay#cause if it doesn't no harm has been done#and if it does then well it does#not losing anything here
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Hundreds of muntins transformed the dozens of scuffed panes of glass across from her into a singular entity taking up the front of the antechamber, offering a panoramic view onto the exterior of the ship and the ground far, far below her. Almost as an afterthought, the golden-hued rays of the setting sun cast rectangular shadows across the entire room.
She hated it. Despite the fact that the airbound behemoth was mostly metal and glass, the scent of the sea lurked about it not unlike the stench of antiseptic in a hospital.
For a split second, she felt bad for villainizing the craft. It was clearly an engineering masterpiece, given its remarkable tendency for staying in the air without crashing to the ground (unlike its predecessors).
Then she felt dumb for thinking that way. This was a ship that was stealing a part of her away. She didn’t have to justify her reasons for disliking it.
It was genuinely disconcerting how often she tried to rationalise her irrational feelings. Perhaps it was just a product of the times. Or her childhood. The two blended together in strange ways.
She could feel her arms trembling and decided to shift away from her position against the table. It wouldn’t do to have a fainting fit just before meeting the captain.
There was an odd feeling in her chest, like a chasm had opened up at the base of her heart. It was a slow, lingering dread that had plagued her for the full week and a half since she’d gotten the news.
As she straightened, dusting off her trousers, she realised that she was trembling.
A ragged inhale. She closed her eyes.
The door flying open behind her sent her heart rate spiking, and she gasped as though doused in cold water. The world dissolved into a blur as she spun around to find a grizzled deck hand trying his hardest not to hawk a spitball.
“Cap’n’ll see you now.” he drawled, not bothering to wait for an answer before he turned on h heel and strutted away.
A ragged exhale. The adrenaline sent surging through her veins by the intrusion was now settling into an icy blockade in her lungs.
She composed herself, tugged at her gloves, and walked through the door into the captain’s quarters, where millions of miniscule lanterns danced amongst the rafters like will of the wisps.
Her heart missed a step. She stopped dead and tilted her head back to take in the facsimile of the sky on the ceiling.
Almost involuntarily, her mind returned to memories of their childhood. A decade to the day, and they’d been lying on their shared bed, and he’d pointed to the skylight (the affectionate name they had for the hole in the ceiling) and pointed out the wonderful shapes the stars made…
…the constellations scattered like fine sand as his face came into focus; sharp jaw, stubble and smile taking up most of her view of him. He was always so youthful and bright.
He hadn’t seen her yet, bent over his writing desk as he was. His portmanteau was still open, dirty clothes scattered around the room. Almost out of pure instinct, she picked up a shirt draped over the back of an armchair and flung it at his face.
“Hey!” she called, unable to stop her grin.
He turned around just in time to get a faceful of filthy linen. The ensuing struggle was truly a sight to behold- a grown man screaming obscenities at an article of clothing as he tried to get it off his person, while simultaneously threatening whomsoever had thrown it at him with punishments ranging from a cold dinner to defenestration.
“…and when I find out who it was, I-”
The shirt came free, and suddenly they were facing each other.
He fell silent. She swallowed, feeling the dread slosh about in her chest like ale in stormy waters.
“Hello, brother.”
The smile returned to his face, though it was noticeably dimmer. “Ah. Hello. How’s my favourite sister?”
“Your only sister, but I’ll accept the compliment.” she closed the distance between them, ignoring the nausea. “Imagine my surprise when I found that your letter informing me that you were leaving on an overseas voyage post-haste got lost in the mail. Hmm?”
He froze up. She continued. “One assumes, naturally, that you did sent me a letter to get lost in the mail in the first place. Is that right?”
He was silent for a while, no doubt trying to think up excuses for his negligence.
“I don’t have all day, you know.” she mentioned, inspecting her nails. “I was told by your crew that castoff is in just over an hour.”
“Yes.” he sighed. “How was father?”
That caught her off guard. Suddenly, the persona she’d spent so long building shattered into billions of pieces that tinkled as they fell to the ground.
“…still resentful of how you left.” she settled, avoiding eye contact.
“How I left the forces, you mean.” he responded, and she could hear the undertones of disappointment in his voice. “You don’t have to sugarcoat it on my behalf.”
She slid her hand across her face. This wasn’t part of her plan. She’d had a script, she’d prepared for this. In an attempt to recoup her composure, she turned to look at the lanterns on the ceiling.
“Do you like it?” he asked, and as she stole a glance she realised he’d cocked his head back to better take it all in. “It’s the world’s cheapest planetarium.”
His eyes sparkled in the light, and she couldn’t bring herself to look away from them. She swallowed, finding her throat suddenly dry. “Impressive. I do wish you’d made it at home and not here, though.”
“This is home now.” he responded nonchalantly, as though he couldn’t see that there was a problem with that statement, as though he didn’t realise how wrong it was.
She bit her lip. It couldn’t hurt to just come out about why she was here.
“I do wish you weren’t leaving.”
His shoulders shook with a quiet laugh. “And so your ulterior motives are revealed to me.”
“Oh, come off it.” she argued. “My own brother is leaving on a fleet to explore the dark corners of the earth. I’d at least like to understand why before I’m waving my handkerchief at the horizon.”
“Adventure, I suppose.”
The words were like a slap to the face. She could scarcely believe them.
“You suppose?”
“Probably, yes.”
She ran a hand through her hair. “So that’s it then? You’re leaving your family behind for adventure?”
“It’s a greater calling, love.” he responded, and again, his lack of self-awareness was almost astounding. What had happened to him, to make him so unable or unwilling to empathise with any view but his own?
She stepped back involuntarily. “And you didn’t think to tell us? To tell me?”
“I tried, but-”
“But what?” she asked incredulously, “What of it?”
“I didn’t want to worry you!” he argued, and it became clear to her that he simply didn’t understand.
“Oh?” her voice rose with her temper, and she found herself advancing on him. “And so you would’ve simply left without saying a word to your family? Left them for greener pastures, thus rob-” she choked on the words, “thus robbing your sister of her only chance to say goodbye?”
“Greener pastures? Oh, that’s rich!” he snapped, and now he was getting louder too. “What of the greener pastures you left to pursue, leaving me at father’s mercy?”
“I’ve apologised for that!” she responded, though the words did send a sharp stab of ice through her veins and she wished he hadn’t brought it up. “And that doesn’t excuse you just leaving without telling me!”
He threw his arms up in frustration. “Well- well, shouldn’t you be happy that I’m leaving? You always resented me for being father’s favourite!”
The silence that came after those words spoke volumes. As the words finished echoing, he seemed to realise what he’d said, and regret flashed across his face.
Not that it mattered. She hung her head, cowed and defeated.
“…some part of me is happy, I suppose.” she began, “Happy that you’re finally leaving. That you can’t upstage me anymore. That you can’t cause me worry. That, for the first time in forever, I can have father’s affections to myself.”
She inhaled deeply, the crisp sea air burning her fragile lungs. “The other part of me just wants my brother back.”
The words caught in her throat, and she was ashamed. This was just typical of her, wasn’t it? Ruining everything for those close to her.
“Oh- oh lord, I wasn’t thinking, I’m so sorry-”
She could scarcely see for the dampness in her eyes, and as she fell forward into her brothers embrace she could feel him trembling with shame and sadness.
And neither of them could find the words to express what they wanted to say to each other, so that’s how they stayed.
After what felt like an eternity had passed she stepped back, wiping at her eyes and letting out a quiet sob.
“I- I’m sorry.” she whispered.
“I’m the one who should be sorry.” he responded, gently wiping at her face. “I wasn’t thinking, and- gods, would you forgive me?”
She nodded, stepping back, because what else could she say? She’d failed, in every sense of the word. He wasn’t coming back with her. He was going to leave forever, and she’d never see her brother again.
He sighed and collapsed onto his bed. Outside, the final vestiges of the day faded from the sky.
She swallowed past the lump in her throat. “I suppose this is it, then.”
He was silent for a while.
“…don’t you understand?” he asked, and she felt like yelling again, telling him that he was the one that didn’t understand. She-
“My entire life I’ve been told what I am to do. I’ve had little to no authority, and subsequently little to no impact. If you asked most people who’ve met me, they won’t even know my name.
“But this… I could make an actual difference. I could learn new things, discover new worlds. The crew of this ship will make history. Isn’t it wonderful?”
…it wasn’t. Not really. Not to her.
But as she stood there and watched him look up at his creation, she realised that it would never be wonderful to her. And she would have to put that aside, because the joy in his eyes was undeniable.
And because that’s what siblings do.
It’s what he’d done for her, after all.
“Yes, I suppose.”
His smile was like the sun after heavy rain. And she found that it thawed the ice in her heart just a little bit. So, she smiled back.
“…do you want to at least sight Venus with me?” he asked as she prepared to leave, and somewhere in his sad smile she could see the fragmented remains of everything her brother had once been to her.
She mirrored his smile. “No. I’ll be saving that for when you return, because you will return, and if you don’t I swear to all that is holy I will steal an airship and come after you to personally shove my boot up your behind.”
He laughed, and she couldn’t help but join in.
And despite the fact that somewhere deep down she knew that he wasn’t coming back, that this would be her final chance to say everything she’d ever wanted to say to somebody she’d once held so dear…
…she hugged him, kissed him on the cheek once, and left the room.
As she walked down the gangplank, a singular beacon of order amongst the indiscriminate chaos of a crew preparing for castoff, she found a light smile crossing her face. Even as the tears blurred her vision and her breaths became short and frenzied…
She was at peace.
Far, far above the ship that would take her brother on his greatest adventure, the stars flared into life.
#this one was for a quickwrite challenge. it's not as good as i could've made it#but you know how it is
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Kindred; part 3
The final part of this little series… and I’m sorry because it somehow got darker. You can blame @scully-loves-ruthie for encouraging me. No really, I’m sorry.
Once upon a time, it was all about survival. You lived until you died. You found something or someone to make it worth it, filled every pointless moment in between sleeping and not sleeping, drinking and regretting, hating, loving, fucking, killing each other in an attempt to forget the meaningless of it all, because it would all end anyway. Things were simple and boring and she so foolish and desperate to try to wish her way out. Fate twists like a knife.
The world was at peace. Millions of wishes granted. Billions of people gone.
Jenn was numb by the time it was done. She’d curled up in her crawl space and tried to block out the screams and the tremors and the overwhelming stench of smoke, after hours which stretched like a century, it was over.
She stumbled into no man’s land, the clouds made of dust. She cleared the air with a breath and wandered towards the wailing, the siren signalling the presence of another soul. A woman amongst the ruins of a house, and boy, was she not at all happy to see her.
“Why didn’t you do anything?” she raged, a ginger spitfire, seething and boiling with hurt and loss and contempt. “Why didn’t you save him, what good are you if you can’t bring. him. back,”
Every one of her words was another stab wound to the chest, but Jenn pushed away. Because god help her, she felt for the woman she had helped betray, she knew better than anyone that living forever is only curse if you had nothing left to live for, when you can do nothing but stand by as your loved ones inevitably wither and succumb to ash and dust.
Scully’s intense fire eventually burned to embers, her grief quietly fluctuating between stages four and five. Jenn had lived the cycle enough times to empathise, She’d seen it before, she’d lived it and breathed the smoke. She looted just to have something to do, she dutifully provided for her companion, gave her space as they waited out the sun.
“I didn’t know you were immortal,” She thought out loud after days of empty silence. Jenn’s people skills were rusty, but the glare Scully gave her clued her in that was the wrong thing to say. “I mean if I had known…”
“You’d what? Taken his mortality instead of fucking him?” Scully scorned. Well, it seemed like the end of times was a good a time as any for that conversation.
“If… it makes you feel any better,” Jenn said, swallowing her guilt after an uncomfortable silence, “in some twisted way… I knew the whole time he was only thinking of you,”
“That does not make me feel better, Jenn,” Scully sighed, “But he was a man of many soul mates. I don’t blame you, I don’t. It wouldn’t do us any good now, anyway,” bitterness seeping into her words like the freezing wind seeped into their bones. Jenn shivered and fuelled the fire with her mind. A random thought popped into her mind. Why hadn’t it occurred to her to heat that shitty apartment herself? Oh, wait. She knew exactly why.
“You know, Dana, Mulder was a little screwed up…”
“That’s putting it lightly,” Scully almost mustered a smile.
“But if his biggest flaw was that he cared too much, you should know, he cared about you more than anything,” Jenn said, “I just… wanted him to be happy, I felt like I owed him that much,”
“He wished for my happiness over his, he was the first person in over 500 years to ever even think of it,” She told her sincerely, “I tried to make him happy in return, I wanted him to be happy with you,”
Scully hesitated, resigned in forgiveness, battling her inner sceptic. “He told me… he said that you became me…”
Jenn was silent in her guilt, but Scully ploughed on, cupping Jenn’s dirty face in her dirty hands, running a gentle finger over the mole on her left cheek. “If I can forgive him, there’s no reason to not forgive you. Mistakes are human nature, it’s coded in our genes and written in the stars,”
Jenn smiled despite herself, and closed the gap between them, pressing her lips lightly to the Scully’s cheek, capturing a stray tear leaving a trail of white in the ash and blood. The last two women on earth embraced and shuddered as they mourned the man they’d lost. Animosity evaporated along with the last of the human race. Somewhere out there amongst the ruins, there were survivors, monsters like them to inherit. But out there was also one scared little boy praying for his mother to come home. Jenn could feel it, the weight of her debt, a glimmer of hope for survival.
“I’m glad I found you. Both of you,” Jenn whispered into the crook of her neck, breathing in sweat and soot and sweetness.
“I’m glad you found us, too,” Scully replied, and the two women sat and held each other as they watched the world burn.
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Style hunting
Free the Monsterind
In my constant struggle of finding a unique drawing style, I faced many creative blockages that were crucial to my overall development.
The whole experience was like a rollercoaster of emotions: encouraging myself to draw, choosing a subject, letting my mind free and start sketching, adding colours, trying not to be picky on brushes and experiment different types and different textures without following any patterns, having that boost of energy and enjoying the moment while listening to music, feeling the dopamine rush, being excited when I considered the drawing looked good enough and any other changes would decrease its quality, then opening my social media account, returning to the drawing application and see the monster staring at me (Janda, 2013).
A long-phrase that sums up my past two years.
Is the “monster” that follows many artists worldwide. But it is the same “monster” or we all have different ones? At this moment my mind would turn to 180 degrees and see the final form of my drawing as being “ugly” and immediately my reaction would be to close everything and do not show my creation to the online world.
I found myself wondering how the monster would look like and this was the image that popped into my mind the minute after, so I started sketching again. Not a ferocious beast, but a snob fluffy mauve creature being too spoiled to remain grateful for what he has.
Mind monster (Cimpoesu, 2020)
Starting to ask myself what is happening in my mind whenever I finish a drawing, was a promiscuous start. Why was I so concerned about what the others might think about my work? And why all of a sudden I would just have transposed myself into somebody else’s body and start judging my art, forgetting all the feelings I have had when I was creating it? Was my art supposed to carry any hidden meanings to anyone that might have seen it?
Art is subjective and does not represent pure tangible knowledge. Moreover, its purpose is to suggest and be interpreted by anyone who sees it (Scrivener, 2002). Thinking twice, every piece of art can include a small amount of knowledge due to the power of imagination and analysis its creation process.
Scrivener’s vision was that art in any form cannot embody pure knowledge either in-the-making process nor in the final-created object. This statement is half true from my perspective, for one reason: art, in any shape, can pass intangible information through generations, only because people can imagine and empathise through their bodies and souls, without experiencing the same times as the person who created it, but placing themselves in the other’s shoes, as humans made from the same material.
To be more clear, it is normal that paintings, for example, will not express anything at first sight; the viewer cannot gain any skills while staring at a canvas, but through analysing it he can feel at some point, all the overlapping layers full of acrylics and rough brush strokes that resemble shadows and highlights. In my opinion, it just depends on whom the viewer is: an artist will probably connect with the painting and imagine every step concluding the creation of it, while at a mental levet he could even transpose himself into the creator’s position.
As I started to see the presence of the “monster” more often, I started to draw more frequently just to try to catch momentum to analyse the feeling in depth. The answer was simple: my mind would categorize any of my creations as being low-qualitative in comparison with the others I have seen before from a variety of artists. Focusing on the flaws I automatically assumed that in the future there will be people in the same position as me (age, gender, being a self-taught artist) but with higher-quality final products.
The way art should be experienced is generally seen as being a short period of curiosity, sometimes it can progress on a long-term as well, until the reflection instinct approaches, as Danto et. al. (2013) suggest. Art should be a representation of the time and the environment it was created in. Another factor should be included in the equation, such as the experience the creator had and the time he spent on that specific piece of work.
The right of criticising
Formal analysis represents the theoretical structure of the human perspective and it aims to categorise every element found into a pattern such as proportion, variety and unity, along with the emotional baggage a drawing is trying to express. Combining the intellectual effect with the feelings that are created just by looking at a piece of art can be considered the key to a high-rated critical analysis. This approach can be replaced with a pure intuition of someone who had experience and had seen plenty of evidence to have the right to classify any work (Heydat and Sabzali, 2014).
This made me think if art is such a versatile subject, it should not be fitted into some patterns conceived by somebody’s opinions and perspectives. At the same time if art does not follow these rules then anything can be considered a masterpiece. What a massive paradox.
Coming back to my twisted mind experience, I was starting to think what makes any of my drawings better than the others and why over time only a few of them still remain beautiful and worth to talk about in despite of others. As an interesting fact, the drawings illustrating objects won all of my sympathy, in comparison to the portraits and the artworks containing any kind of faces, on which I currently have doubts about their worth.
Restlesnesss (Cimpoesu, 2019)
Breakfast in Poznan (Cimpoesu, 2019)
Traditional house (Cimpoesu, 2019)
The way I perceived humans dramatically changed during time. Self-criticism help me to analyse the weaknesses of my artworks and what is representative for my vision. In addition, one reason for not recognise my digital drawings as being qualitative was the presence of errors in the proportions of the faces, along with the lack of accuracy of the shadows and highlights placed on the subject making the whole picture to have a flat look at the first glance. Improvement can be recorded in this area just by studying the basic human anatomy features and the basic principles of drawing. At the same time, art movement such as Expressionism and Surrealism are focusing on particular styles of representing the human features in an unfamiliar way and they are recognised as meaningful and interesting points of view.
Modern French girl (Cimpoesu, 2020)
False posing (Cimpoesu, 2020)
Eye contact (Cimpoesu, 2019)
Examining the artworks now, after a long time, makes me notice the above photos look similar when exposing some aspects and are illustrating a constant style because of the used techniques, colours and tools. Despite of using a birds-eye view and underlying their similarities, the images are still exemplifying my creativity.
Personal brand identity
Many artists point out that their style was shaped after many attempts of different ways to approach a subject and browsing through working instruments, tools and perspectives and in the end there is no defined path to follow to reach the goal in a specific period. The final form of an artwork is influenced by numerous decisions and environmental aspects (Zhao, Cao and Lau, 2018) aiming to reach the receiver’s feelings, along with his admiration and interest.
The personality created trough all the final decisions and the presented outcomes represents a graphic designer’s way of expression, seeking to reach people who possess similar views. Although aesthetic taste is subjective and in constant change phases, a few elements are still keeping their place on the sensitivity map and help building a strong brand image when seeing an artwork for the first time.
Building your own creative style as a designer, leads to a constant communication with yourself and the others around. In the end, only by experimenting different scenarios a graphic designer can mould his preferences and fully express his thoughts through art, without having second thoughts about showing the final version. Due to art’s ideology and skills’s perfectionism timeframe, there is always going to be room for reconsideration leading to improvement.
Considering that for each artist there will always be people sharing the same vision as him, the action of finding the personal artistic style should be a metaphorical rollercoaster itself, which in the end will bring to light each stage and its significant meaning throughout the whole process. Understanding to embrace failure and to forgive myself when I don't have the desired outcomes, helped me more than it was expected.
Art, drawings and design taught me that you don't need perfection (Airey, 2012). It is fine to post something you do not like anymore and to appreciate that you did it. You have to embrace any state you have and be curious about any project you make because it is yours.
In conclusion, you have to learn to work with what you own and cherish your goal for your mind to be able to create anything that appears in your mind.
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Airey, D. (2012) Work for Money, Design for Love: Answers to the Most Frequently Asked Questions About Starting and Running a Successful Design Business, 1st edn, San francisco: New Riders
Cimpoesu, C. M. (2019) Breakfast in Poznan. [Instagram] Available from: https://www.instagram.com/p/B5Laew2nahx/ [Accessed: 15th of November 2020]
Cimpoesu, C. M. (2019) Eye contact. [Instagram] Available from: https://www.instagram.com/p/B4uUYaBHinG/ [Accessed: 15th of November 2020]
Cimpoesu, C. M.(2020) False posing. [Instagram] Available from: https://www.instagram.com/p/B-iWyaHDHim/ [Accessed: 15th of November 2020]
Cimpoesu, C. M. (2020) Mind Monster. Unpublished personal artwork.
Cimpoesu, C. M. (2020) Modern french girl. [Instagram] Available from: https://www.instagram.com/p/B8MNRjwHcj-/ [Accessed: 15th of November 2020]
Cimpoesu, C. M. (2019) Restlessness [Instagram] Available from: https://www.instagram.com/p/BwxZJN_hbGf/ [Accessed: 15th of November 2020]
Cimpoesu, C. M. (2019) Traditional house. [Instagram] Available from: https://www.instagram.com/p/B5Laew2nahx/ [Accessed: 15th of November 2020]
Danto, A. C., Horowitz, G., Huhn, T. and Ostrow, S. (2013) The Wake of Art, Criticism, Philosophy, and the Ends of Taste. Amsterdam: Routledge
Heydat M. and Sabzali, M.K. (2014) Conceptualizing Art Criticism and Art Education for effective Practice. Saarbrucken: LAP Lambert Academic Publishing
Janda, M. (2013), Burn Your Portfolio: Stuff they don’t teach you in design school, but should, 1st edn, San Francisco: New Riders.
Scrivener, S. (2002) The art object does not embody a form of knowledge. Working Papers in Art and Design. [Online] vol. 2. Available from: http://www.herts.ac.uk/__data/assets/pdf_file/0008/12311/WPIAAD_vol2_scrivener.pdf [Accessed: 12th November 2020]
Zhao, N., Cao, Y. & Lau, R. (2018) "What characterizes personalities of graphic designs?" ACM transactions on graphics. [Online] vol. 37, no. 4, pp. 1-15. Available from: https://doi.org/10.1145/3197517.3201355 [Accessed: 15th of November 2020]
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As US polls draw near, Joe Biden, in a rarity, attacks Donald Trump from battleground Pennsylvania
Joe Biden faced his first sustained questioning from voters as the Democratic presidential nominee Thursday, as Pennsylvanians pressed him on issues including health care, racism and policing at a CNN town hall-style event held less than seven weeks before Election Day.
At a gathering in Moosic, Pennsylvania, not far from his childhood home in Scranton, Biden — who played up his local, middle-class roots — sought at every opportunity to turn the focus to President Donald Trump’s stewardship of the coronavirus, casting the president as a callous leader who cannot empathise with the concerns of most Americans and who has exacerbated the hardships they face.
“You lost your freedom because he didn’t act,” Biden declared. “The freedom to go to that ballgame, the freedom for your kid to go to school, the freedom to see your mom or dad in the hospital. The freedom just to walk around your neighbourhood, because of failure to act responsibly.”
The appearance offered a test of his verbal agility less than two weeks before the first presidential debate, after Biden spent the summer largely off the campaign trail with limited and often controlled interactions with the news media. Headed into the evening, he may have benefited from the low expectations Republicans have set about his ability to communicate clearly, seeking to throw doubt on his mental acuity.
But as the night got underway, while there was the occasional tangent, Biden delivered a relatively energetic performance defined by withering criticism of Trump and palpable enthusiasm for connecting with voters after many months without much significant interaction with them, indicating to several that he would be open to follow-up conversations.
The setting reflected the extraordinary nature of campaigning in a pandemic: a stage was constructed in a parking lot at PNC Field, where the Scranton/Wilkes-Barre minor league baseball team plays. Biden and CNN’s Anderson Cooper stood a significant distance from each other, and the Democratic nominee often gestured with his mask in hand. Audience members listened from their cars, as if it were a drive-in movie, according to CNN. And voters stood at a distance from Biden as they asked him questions.
Biden seemed keenly focused on the location, making frequent references to his working-class ties as he sought to connect in a region where Trump’s populist message had significant appeal in 2016. The former vice president has long hoped to cut into Trump’s advantage with white voters without college degrees.
“Maybe it’s my Scranton roots, I don’t know — but when you guys started talking on television about, ‘Biden, if he wins, would be the first person without an Ivy League degree to be elected president,’ I’m thinking, ‘Who the hell makes you think I have to have an Ivy League degree to be president!’” Biden demanded. Numerous presidents have lacked Ivy League degrees, but he earned applause in the crowd.
“We are as good as anybody else,” Biden continued. “Guys like Trump who inherited everything and squandered what they inherited are the people that I’ve always had a problem with, not the people who are busting their neck.”
A number of Biden’s allies have urged his campaign to talk more about the economy, an area where Trump has traditionally had an advantage, according to polls. Earlier Thursday, as Trump’s campaign unfurled new ads focused on the economy, Biden’s advisers painted the president as an opponent of “working people.”
“I really do view this campaign as a campaign between Scranton and Park Avenue,” Biden said that evening. “All he thinks about is the stock market.”
“How many of you all own stock?” Biden continued. “In my neighborhood in Scranton, not a whole hell of a lot of people own stock.”
In a statement, Tim Murtaugh, a Trump campaign spokesman, said that Biden should have received more scrutiny of his plans and record on matters including the economy.
“This was classic Joe Biden: untethered to the facts, his own record, or reality,” he said in a statement.
Trump made his own campaign appearance Thursday in Mosinee, Wisconsin, where he spoke outdoors for more than 90 minutes to a crowd on a blustery airport tarmac just feet from a wingtip of Air Force One, which was parked behind him.
In rambling remarks, Trump warned that the 2020 election was a choice “between law and order on one side and chaos on the other".
“On 3 November, Wisconsin will decide whether we will quickly return to record prosperity or whether we will allow Biden and the Democrats to impose a $4 trillion tax hike, ban American energy, confiscate your guns” and “shut down the economy”, Trump said, in remarks that significantly distorted Biden’s agenda. He also proclaimed Speaker Nancy Pelosi “crazy as a bedbug” and said he looked forward to seeing what Vice President Mike Pence “does to” Biden’s running mate, Senator Kamala Harris of California, in their debate next month.
Biden, often seeming to be in a punchy mood, lobbed his own attacks on Trump’s sense of reality.
“He may be really losing it — he’s president,” Biden said, as he addressed the civil unrest that has played out in some American cities. “I am not the president. This is Donald Trump’s America. You feel safer in Donald Trump’s America?”
Biden’s appearance came as he has sought to centre the presidential campaign on the response to the coronavirus. On Wednesday, he stepped up his warnings that Trump was politicising the rollout of a vaccine, and at the town hall, he discussed the issue at length, stressing his deference to scientists even as he described the staggering uncertainties that would accompany the successful deployment of a vaccine.
The opinion of the federal government’s top infectious disease expert would be important, he said: “I don’t trust the president on vaccines,” he said. “I trust Dr Fauci. If Fauci says a vaccine is safe, I’d take the vaccine.”
Throughout the event, Biden blasted Trump’s handling of the coronavirus crisis — as he has many other times in recent months — and pointed to revelations from a new book by journalist Bob Woodward that the president knowingly minimised the risks of the coronavirus. He also sought to connect many voters’ questions back to that subject.
But the issues that arose were wide-ranging, and Biden, who visited firefighters after the event, seemed keenly attuned to the politics of Pennsylvania.
“I will win Scranton,” Biden later insisted to reporters, according to a pool report. “Listen to me. I will win Scranton. And we were losing Scranton and Lackawanna County till I got put on the ticket. This is home. I know these people.”
Asked by reporters whether he believed that he was the reason Barack Obama had won the county, he replied: “I know I helped in this county. I helped in this state. We were losing by seven points in Pennsylvania. I get announced as the candidate. Five days later, we were up by six.”
It was not immediately clear what polls Biden was referring to — a RealClearPolitics compilation of polls from the 2008 race, when Biden was added to the ticket, did not show Obama losing Pennsylvania in the general election.
In a critical battleground state that Trump won in 2016, one where hydraulic fracturing is both a contentious issue and a source of jobs, Biden declared that there was “no rationale” for eliminating fracking at the moment.
As Biden focused on Pennsylvania, Trump declared his love for the state of Wisconsin, although at times he had a curious way of showing it: he had to ask the crowd how to pronounce Mosinee and then did not repeat it himself.
“I don’t know why the hell I like Wisconsin, but for some reason,” he said, trailing off, as the crowd — in which many people did not wear masks — chanted, “We love you!”
Also Thursday, Biden embraced a proposed income subsidy that is a focus of growing Democratic support. The plan, an expansion of the child tax credit, would offer $3,000 per child a year ($3,600 for those under age six) for all but the wealthiest families — essentially creating a guaranteed income for families with children.
Analysts have estimated the move would cost roughly $100 billion a year, a significant sum but less than half the annual cost of Trump’s tax cuts, which mostly benefit the wealthiest Americans.
Katie Glueck c.2020 The New York Times Company
via Blogger https://ift.tt/2EdNVFJ
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EDGAR BONES APPLICATION
I realised that after the original main got hacked I didn’t re-post my application and I thought it would be helpful/interesting to have it somewhere that can be accessed by everyone. (It was a while ago now though so Ed now may differ a bit from my first idea of him. Also there may be some mistakes or spelling errors oops) Anyway, under the cut is my app for Ed!
DESIRED CHARACTER
Edgar Bones
FACE CLAIM
William Moseley
REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER
I find Hufflepuffs that really defy the house’s stereotype really interesting and in particular love the dark and brooding artist vibe of Edgar. I’m a huge fan of poetry and I can’t pretend that his name alone didn't interest me because of Edgar Allan Poe (& I can imagine he would be low-key pleased about sharing a name with one of the greats), but I was just so enthralled by the character, which is strange for me because I’m rarely drawn to characters I don't know at least a little bit about. The idea of a ‘loner’ Hufflepuff is super captivating because I can imagine how difficult it would be to be surrounded by people constantly asking how you are when you just want to be alone and stewing in angst. He obviously exhibits a lot of typically Hufflepuff traits; he is very good at giving solutions to problems and empathising with people, he’s hard working, loyal, and he has his head in the clouds a lot. However, he doesn’t appreciate empathy when it’s directed towards him, he is a ride or die friend to only a few people and doesn’t really fret over the rest, and he often prefers to be lost in thought than down on earth. His issues with commitment stem from his lack of communication skills; he can write down what he’s feeling, but it’s often hard for him to verbally open up to others. He isn’t particularly quick to anger, but he often jumps into fights just to feel the thrill of it; Edgar bottles up a lot of his emotions and, while he also lets them out through artistic means, he doesn't have a physical outlet. Part of him also just finds the feeling of bones cracking under his knuckles fascinating. He was definitely the type of child who killed ants with a magnifying glass, not out of cruelty, but morbid curiosity. The poem ‘Alone’ by Poe really resonates with how I see Edgar; he just doesn’t relate to a lot of the people around him and while they all focus on the blue skies, he cannot help but see the clouds. I usually find it really difficult to match characters to an Enneagram of personality number, but Edgar is definitely a strong 4. He is very much focused on being himself and idealises sadness and fantasising, but sometimes in trying to find and be himself, he loses sight of his core values. He has a lot of Ravenclaw in him, but ultimately he isn't calculated enough to be a Ravenclaw and he doesn’t value intelligence and learning above all. He has some Slytherin qualities, but he isn't ambitious or cunning enough; he doesn’t really lie (but he does withhold truth with silence) and he’s content to keep his dreams in his head. He can seem quite impulsive, but he doesn’t have that true Gryffindor recklessness (at least not for the same reason they have it: he isn't scared of death). He fights for the cause, not because he’s particularly passionate about it, but because he knows it’s the right thing to do. He may stray to the darker things in life and have trouble figuring out where he stands morally, but he’s loyal to his family and knows he will always stand with them.
I’m not sure if these are reasons or me just explaining why I love him so much. He’s weird and he’s an outcast; he doesn’t fit in, but that’s what makes him all the more interesting. While a lot of people in his situation would reject the people who made him feel that way and join more radical groups (eg. death eaters, aversio) to feel like they belong, Edgar doesn’t do that. He knows that even if his opinions and experiences differ to that of his family, he'll stick by them no matter what. It’s that loyalty that makes him a Hufflepuff and stops him from floating away into his thoughts to the point of no return. (I could really go on forever, but I’ll stop)
PREFERRED SHIPS // CHARACTER SEXUALITY // GENDER & PRONOUNS
He would work well with someone who balances him out and is willing to let him have alone time, but also doesn’t let him wallow in self-pity. He find it hard not to develop an emotional connection through sex, but he has a lot of commitment issues so casual sex can be a bit of a problem. (he does it anyway though) He’s mostly homosexual; although I wouldn’t completely rule out a m/f ship, I see him working better with guys.
♔ CREATE ONE (oops) OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER:
-A MOCK BLOG ( buriedunderbones.tumblr.com ) where you can find the following:
-A MOODBOARD ( https://buriedunderbones.tumblr.com/post/160438771802/edgar-bones-aesthetic-moodboard-no-one-remembers )
-AN AESTHETIC ( https://buriedunderbones.tumblr.com/post/160440824792/edgar-bones-aesthetic-those-of-wit-and-learning )
-A PLAYLIST ( https://buriedunderbones.tumblr.com/post/160438809257/edgar-bones-playlist-listen-here )
-I also did a little past/present/future gif post ( https://buriedunderbones.tumblr.com/post/160446099697/and-all-i-loved-i-loved-alone-childhoods-hour )
IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE
♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it:
Edgar frowned thoughtfully, catching his bottom lip between his teeth. “I don’t know if this counts really because its not an invention, as such, but it would be nice for invisibility cloaks to be more easily accessible.” He paused, unsure if he should continue. “I think- well, it’s, um, difficult sometimes to find a secluded place to think.” Edgar stuttered out, his mouth never had been quite on the same wavelength as his brain. Often people assumed he was shy, but he just struggled to get the right words on the tip of his tongue and by the time he finally managed most people stopped listening.
♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you:
An almost fond look overtook the wizard’s features as he remembered the Forbidden Forest. Nobody took Edgar Bones for a rule-breaker, but he often found the best places to be alone were the ones off-limits. He had actually spent a night there, in his sixth year, up in a tree observing the wilderness and pouring into his moleskine. It was nice to be completely immersed in human silence, listening only to the animals tearing each other apart in the night. It was as though he didn’t exist at all. “I would go myself; as much as I love my family they just don’t get it.” He explained truthfully. “And I’d take my journal and quill, or does that count as two objects? I’m not really familiar with the semantics of the hypotheticals…” He trailed off awkwardly.
♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make?
The hesitation on his face clearly indicated that the answer was ‘most of them’, but Edgar persevered with trying to come up with something more eloquent. “I feel a lot of emotions,” he struggled. “But I struggle to express them to other people, sometimes I don’t even want to. So, I suppose, I find it difficult to make the decisions that depend on showcasing my vulnerability.” Edgar shrugged slightly, as though to indicate he had nothing more to add.
♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you?
“The spoken word is arbitrary; it’s what they don’t say that really counts.” His reply was more confident this time, but Edgar had always felt strongly towards the subject. Perhaps, it was because he was known to hide his own true feelings and knew exactly how cutthroat the human mind could be. Or perhaps he’d just heard whispers behind his back for too long to really worry about the sting of an insult that only reached his ears.
WRITING SAMPLE
The vast body of water rippled dangerously with life. Edgar sat alone at the edge of the Great Lake and gazed upon its magnificence. To some people, such depth and area may appear intimidating, but Edgar was no stranger to his insignificance on a universal level. He picked up a small flat stone from the damp sand and flicked his wrist, skipping it over the lake’s surface. The stars shone brightly, reflecting off of the black water, giving the illusion that the wizard was himself part of the night sky. Edgar had always been strangely calm, it was a sense of peace that others couldn’t begin to comprehend. He didn’t bother himself with questions of existence and life; he found a freedom in knowing that, in the grand scheme of things, he didn’t matter. He embraced the philosophy and sought comfort in the idea that if his actions had no large scale effect, then he need not bind himself to the morals of the many. This oncoming war, however, could serve to change Edgar’s whole being.
The electricity in the air buzzed through him, wind whistling through his golden locks, and Edgar looked blankly at the grounds around him. Hogwarts castle was visible in the near distance, standing tall and regal as it had for many years. He envisioned the walls collapsing, turrets tumbling, silver bricks colliding with solid ground. Chaos wasn’t an unappealing idea to Edgar, but he would rather be contained by reasonable limits than let the world be overtaken in a blaze of fire. The Order of the Phoenix was supposedly a way he could stop that from happening.
Amelia looked at him, eyes brimming with determination and hope. “We could really make a difference Eddy; this is our chance to do something.” She looked at him like he looked at the stars above, and he was powerless to resist.
At first, Edgar was vehemently against the idea. He wanted to remain neutral. Not that he feared the danger that accompanied fighting the darkness; he had never been scared of death. Edgar spent his youth squashing insects and pulling the wings from butterflies, just to observe the consequences. His adolescent self channeled that feeling through his fists, acting out in violence to feel the emotions that escaped him. The sensation of his lip spitting and blood exploding from the gash was enough to make him grin. He wore black eyes like they were works of art speckled across his face.
The circle of people parted to let Edgar leave. He walked with a rare confidence, hands splattered purple and red. People started, open-mouthed, and he felt his anger balance out, tossing an easy ‘you should see the other guy’ over his shoulder.
The other students sometimes laughed at him, but Edgar knew they’d all want him on their side in times of battle. He would protect his few friends with everything he had. No, he didn’t have the strongest morals, nor did he claim to, but of all the badgers his bite was the worst.
However, for Edgar, a war, even one he wasn’t particularly tied to, could become quicksand. His embrace was wholehearted or non-existent. And, as he looked upon the place he had called home for so many years, Edgar whispered out into the open, empty air. “It’s not about the cause; it’s those standing by you that make the fighting worthwhile.”
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i've got a prompt for you! if you're taking prompts that is XD since bobbi-ann now has powers, how about a fic with may reacting to the news? (considering bahrain/katya)
AN ~ I don’t think this is quite what you had in mind but I decided to take the opportunity for a little moment of healing between Daisy and May over that kind of thing which is always good. Sending my best wishes to you
Read on AO3 (~1400wd)
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Sounds Like a Song - Ch.11
After Bobbi Ann went to bed, Daisy hid herself on the Zephyr. She’d gone up under the guise of a late-night online meeting with some Inhumans in Australia, but when she got there, pulled out her laptop and curled up on one of the chairs like old times. What to do, she wondered. Jump on some hacktivist platforms? That might take her mind off things. Work on that game she’d started months back? Or… watch that video of when Bobbi Ann had first learned to walk?
Chubby little toddler legs, and her dad’s straw-blond hair. Daisy twisted her lip between her fingers, watching her younger and considerably more bedraggled self lead the tiny Bobbi Ann across the carpet. These were not her first steps; it was somebody from playgroup a few weeks later, filming them at Daisy’s request. Bobbi-Ann’s tiny little fists clutched at Daisy’s fingers and they walked. Slowly. Unsteadily. Rewatching, Daisy realised that somewhere along the line she’d let herself believe that she’d be able to lead Bobbi through her whole life like that. Protecting her, guiding her… micromanaging her, even. But the world was a chaotic place. Once, Daisy had loved that about it, but now that her little girl had been swept up in its current it was hard not to fear. Hard not to be angry, though she knew everyone meant well.
“You okay?”
Daisy looked up toward the voice to find May, in all her unreadable insightfulness, standing in the doorway. Daisy tried and failed to flash a smile, so May stepped further into the room.
“FitzSimmons are sorry,” she offered.
“I know,” Daisy agreed, shaking her head as she closed her laptop. “I’ll get over it eventually. It’s just – she’s my little girl, that’s all. I feel so…”
“Helpless?”
“I guess that’s it,” Daisy agreed. “I can’t decide what to feel. I’m – unprepared. I wish it hadn’t happened now. I wish Bobbi Ann had got to choose when she went through Terragenesis. I mean, I guess she kind of did, but I mean… It’s just so much. I wish I could have seen it coming.”
“Knowing the future is no small thing,” May pointed out. “You more than anyone should know that. Except maybe Raina.”
Daisy, who’d suffered so much in the name of prophecy. Raina, who’d been killed for what she knew. A chill ran down her spine.
“It was a figure of speech,” Daisy pointed out, but she saw May’s point. No scenario would have ever been ideal and hindsight just shone on all the bad parts of what had been. What if she’d waited until Bobbi-Ann was in her twenties and Bobbi felt she’d been denied part of her identity? What if Bobbi had gone through Terragenesis during puberty or some other emotionally volatile time, wouldn’t that be harder to control? What if she’d been kidnapped and forced through it? As much as Daisy hated to think of it, knowing their lives, such a possibility was not entirely out of the picture. So maybe, in some ways, this was for the best. Besides, Bobbi didn’t seem so traumatized – in fact, just before bed she had been enjoying testing her Uncle Fitz’s room full of circuit-breakers a little too much. Almost as much as Fitz himself had been, Daisy guessed.
The thought brought a tiny smile to her face, and she knew there was no way May missed that, so she let it spread with a little chagrin.
“How do you do that?” she wondered.
“You already know what you know,” May said with a shrug. “Sometimes you just need a little nudge.”
Daisy snorted. “What I need is a drink.”
“I can do that too. Come on.”
May nodded them through to the Zephyr’s bar, and Daisy smiled as she poured each of them two fingers of whiskey. Daisy took a grateful sip, soothed by the familiar burn, and let out a heavy sigh full of the day’s anxieties. If she was not mistaken, May sighed too.
“So. Bobbi-Ann has powers, huh?”
“Yup,” Daisy confirmed. “Same powers as her dad, it looks like. Which…”
She rapped her fingers against her glass, trying to find the words. She’d moved on so long ago, and yet somehow not at all. It was not as raw and painful as it once had been, which in a way made it worse. She could remember the day he’d first smiled at her as easily as the day he’d gone away.
“Which what?” May pressed gently. Daisy rolled her eyes – who was May to demand explanation? – but maybe she knew that talking helped. Putting a name to a thing gave it less power.
“It hurts,” Daisy whispered. She cleared her throat, embracing the courage of confession to soldier through it. “Yeah. It hurts. It’s just – Lincoln had this thing, you know. He thought every Inhuman had their particular powers for a reason. A specific purpose in life. I think he honestly believed at the end there that… he’d always been destined to die, or something. To save me, just because he could turn the plane off. Not like any of us could have done that? Strapped a brick to the accelerator?”
She laughed, and wiped away a tear that slipped down her cheek.
“I don’t know. I never believed that part of it. But now it feels like I’m – I’m being proven right, in a way. If Bobbi Ann has Lincoln’s powers, that means his purpose was never fulfilled. Which means he didn’t have to die for me, which… hurts.”
May nodded, empathising. “Sometimes it hurts, being right.”
“Mhmm.” Daisy clinked her glass against May’s and took a swig. May, meanwhile, took only a sip. She watched Daisy with concerned eyes, and unspoken words behind her lips. She wondered if now was the time to speak them: after all, she and Daisy had clashed over this before, and the last thing she wanted was to cause more pain while Daisy was in such a vulnerable emotional state. Then again, it was precisely because they’d clashed over this before that it was worth mentioning, and it was precisely because of the events of the day that had put Daisy in such a state, that it was worth mentioning now. So May took a deep breath and spoke.
“Nobody’s purpose is ever to die, Daisy,” she pointed out gently. “And losing Lincoln was a tragedy, so I for one am glad that he’s left part of his legacy with us. Bobbi’s a wonderful girl and I’m sure she’ll use her powers for good.”
Daisy looked up then, and in her eyes May saw a little of that fear she was trying to hide; that fear of harm, but also of rejection. The fear that what she had faced, even from her close friends and family, her daughter would face too.
Not so.
“I want you to know that she’s safe with me,” May promised. “As safe as I can make her. And I think I speak for everyone out there, too. We’ve learnt from our mistakes, and we’re going to do better this time. All of us are. But… especially me.”
When Daisy didn’t immediately respond, May dropped her eyes. She remembered all too well Daisy’s burning fury when she’d found out about Bahrain. In all honesty, she did not think Daisy had yet forgiven her for that – and maybe she never would – but still she found herself hoping that it was not destined to always be an open wound between them. That she would protect Bobbi Ann with her life stood on its own, of course, but it’d be a lie to say that no great weight would lift from her shoulders if Daisy saw this as an opportunity to close the gap.
Despite her hopes, though, it still came as a surprise when Daisy slid her glass onto the bench and folded May into her arms with the wordless yet all-expressing love of a child. After a moment, May patted her back softly. Daisy smiled.
“Thank you,” she murmured gratefully. “It’s nice to know she’s in good hands.”
#daisy johnson#may & daisy#melinda may#aospositivitynet#aosficnet2#clara's fic tag#prompt me stuff#marvelthismarvelthat
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