#not that i think general kindness is a bad message. but it doesnt seem like barbie says that either
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Okay so a LOT of people have responded to my Barbie post so I really should be reading through all that first (but scawy) but I finally put something into words in my head
Every single man in the Barbie movie is a comic relief character. A pitiable, at least slightly pathetic, idiot.
Now. That is exactly the sort of thing that conservative commentators would point to to say that the movie hates men. And the Barbie fan's response, of course, would be that men deserve to be ridiculed, and that the movie isn't coddling them, and that men are acting like whiny babies for not being taken seriously when women never get that.
But I have the opposite take. The men all fit into that 'loveable himbo bumbling dad' type archetype. The relatable ordinary everyday man. The dummy who somehow manages to bag a hyper-competent 10/10 girlfriend in every Adam Sandler movie.
Yes, in many ways the idea of men having emotions is mocked; but also, the men get to be funny. There's a reason everyone posts memes about Ken and Kenergy and stuff over anything Barbie says. He's the fun one!
In that sense... the movie doesn't feel like it's reversing or parodying or commentating on anything at all. It's just bog standard gender roles in television: women are Closer To Earth and don't need to change much, but are pretty static and boring, while men are weird and funny and likeable and changeable, able to be bad but able to be redeemed, at the cost of having their more nuanced and sensitive emotions cheapened.
I wondered if it was meant to relate to the commentary at the end: that women HAVE to be perfect, and aren't allowed to make mistakes and be forgiven. But then in that case... why don't the women get to be funny, too? To anywhere near the same degree? Why doesn't the Barbie movie show us a silly, ridiculous, loveable himbo of a woman?
Why doesn't any woman actually get to do bad things and have them taken seriously? They complain about having to act perfect all the time... but are they not? When do we actually see those faults and failures, aside from as a result of 'burdened by the expectations of society' which of course is actually society's fault and not theirs? Barbie complains in the end about not really being good at anything, and that's good! But she still doesn't seem bad at anything, either. And nobody ever so much as implies that the way she treated those societally considered Lesser to her was actually pretty shitty.
The biggest difference between the way we portray women vs men in media, to me, is the idea of internal conflict and change. Women tend to just exist as they are, only impacted by external forces. They don't make conscious decisions to do things, or have their minds change, or grow into something different. They just ARE, flat characters.
Men, meanwhile, get to be tormented. Get to decide to work harder and then ultimately prove themselves. Get to be tempted by bad people, and make bad decisions, but ultimately show that they are capable of trying and working hard and doing better. It's not so much that men are allowed to be bad, as that men are allowed to consist of multitudes. Women usually just have to be one thing, and that's it.
And who is it who changes the most over the course of the movie? Who gets the big internal shift? Who has their understanding of reality challenged, and is affected by it, and makes decisions based on that, and faces the consequences of those decisions, and then ultimately decides to reverse things? It's Ken. It's just Ken.
I don't think it's super bad or regressive that Barbie starts out in an existential crisis and then just sorta ends that way. I think that's actually insightful, that mental illness can't so easily be overcome, that sometimes you really are changed by something and then can never make things 'normal' again.
But it's often pointed out that the relationship between the real-world mother and daughter never really sorta... goes very far. They disagree, but then the daughter shows sympathy to her mother, and that's pretty much it. We don't see much real change or conflict or true acrimony between them. We don't get a sense for internal thought processes. Of course, they're just side characters. But it adds to the whole of the movie and what the writers are comfortable doing with male vs female characters.
That the men are treated like babies for having feelings (despite being the oppressed group, in most cases here) is... discomfiting. But the sympathetic ending really does feel like a result of us only really being comfortable telling stories about men acting badly and being redeemed. Seen another way, yeah: men are allowed to act like babies and be forgiven. Barbie doesn't have the courage to do the same for women, even while decrying that same ideology. Not even at the very end.
Surely there has to be a better way to do this? Surely we can tell a story about women being expected to be perfect without them all actually being mostly flawless and Normal? Surely we can tell a story about the things men really struggle with, their problems that aren't taken seriously, without mocking all of them but then sighing and shrugging and going 'welll but we should be nice anyway :)'
#like. idk man. i think we should care abt men's issues because mental health matters#and because gender isn't the only form of oppression#and quite a lot of 'punching up' actually just targets those forms of societally accepted punching bags#with the transparent hand-wave of a 'male' tag to make it all okay#like that all is. an actual important part of the message#and if you take it all out idk what's even being said anymore#but it sounds like what some feminists do claim about men's issues#that men are worse in every way and their feelings aren't real but we're supposed to be nice anyway just because#not that i think general kindness is a bad message. but it doesnt seem like barbie says that either#i don't know man#barbie 2023
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Prev. message board anon here. Managed to dig out some old screenshots. I've copied and pasted them here as don't want to come off anon. These are mainly related to Alex and were posted by the sound engineer (I think). They're just random messages, not in any sort of order. Enjoy!
matt kinda says hi (he's half asleep, poor guy) ive managed to survive another night with the guys, and sucessfully cooked dinner. as a reward they took me to the pub...nice one
theyre more like extended family. (al's gone home, jammie's still on't playstation with my bro and matts curled up asleep in my room, he looks like a cat) FINALLY I HAVE SOME PEACE AND QUIET!!!!!!!! yay!!! *me doing a little dance in joy*
if that happened, hed prolly try n find you a chair (he's kind like that) and then hed stand there and panic about what to do.
yeah. it was bad wasnt it. got to the stage where we were all making fun, leaving little post-its with "get a haircut" written on, and generally begging him to get a haircut. he did it eventually, and now he looks hot again and less like a scarecrow. thank god!
alex update: he is wondering what to have for lunch.
no. not yet. hes having a gingerbreadman while he thinks about it.
hes gone off to find timm to find out what time were having dinner (because our schedule for the days changed). he said if he knows when dinner is, then he can make a proper decision on lunch - whether he wants a snack or a whole meal......
alex update: him n jammie are sat on the edge of the stage looking at the choice of songs theyve been given for their performance on Radio 1's Live Lounge on monday. theyre gonna do brianstorm, and they have to pick one of the four songs theyve been given to cover. theyre choosing now...
alex update: he's scurrying about looking for a cd he lost. to be honest it could be anywhere. its not very tidy at the moment.... and i think someone mentioned watching anchorman later.....
alex update: reading a book (well hes trying to, but matt keeps distracting him....) and hes trying to think what the best sandwich in teh world is (thats matts question of the day)
alex update: he's sat in't corner writing summat and on the phone. im always curious when i see him writing, cuz i automatically assume that hes writing lyrics - and then i start thinking about what he's done today to think what the song might be about and then i really, really, really want to hear how it would go......all this, and then i ask him what he's writing and he shows me that he's either doing a crossword, or writing a cd shopping list, or summat dissapointing....
alex update: seemed quite happy when we last saw him. think he's gone to change. and i think he's coming out later. not sure if he'll be out with us though. he doesnt really know mal and cookies mates. they were in the year above us at school...
alex update: he's all packed and sat on the sofa reading the article about AM in this weeks NME. by his facial expressions, i can't work out what he thinks about it..... :S
alex update: ............ there are no words to describe him today.
he's sat out in the sun with everyone, and he's the most relaxed and normal that i've seen him in soooo very long i think he's so relieved that the album did well and people like it. he just looks relaxed and, dare i say it............. HAPPY. :) he deserves it.
alex update: he's most defniatly asleep. he had a busy night last night, and last time i saw him the poor thing was asleep on his feet...
alex update - the only one of the fab four that i can see at the mo. i asked him what he's doing so i could report on it, and he said "dont just say im lying on the floor waiting for the microwave. that sounds reet boring. say 'im reclining on the carpet in a relaxed fashion, clasping a piece of toast waiting for my beans to be done , and im donning my shades in a classy way' ....yeah, that makes it sound a bit better. or do i just sound like a knobhead? okay, cut that bit out. just say....just say im eating. again. im always eating when youre typing......hmmm"
and that was all i could get from the fascinating Mr Turner, before the microwave "pinged"....
alex update: he's chilling with miles and some friends, havign a drink and watching some bands.
after the set, we all got a little bi too drunk, met up with James Ford (producer, and from simian mobile disco), james + simon (klaxons), lily allen, lovefoxx, a kook and some others (there was about 20 of us) and we wanted to go out at night to Lost Vague-ness (the most random field at glastonbury) but they didnt want to be noticed and harrassed, so we hired these random costumes. alex was a dinosaur, james was a swan, there was a chicken, a moose, me and lily were mushrooms...... was truley hilarious.
[its not really "news" but we just had a fight. a proper standing in the rain, shouting ourselves hoarse, having to be separated argument. thats the only problem with me and al, were too similar. SO stubborn, and a tendency to take things too personally and get a bit irrational. the basics, i was trying to be a good friend and tell him summat, he wasnt listening, we both said things we prolly shouldn't have, and then were taken away to calm down. it'll all be fine by the morning, thats just how we roll. but for tonight, im not gonna pretend were okay.]
the internet was once such a wild and lawless place
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compiling a list of issues with monogatari light novels (spoilers)
ougi is in the school (worst offender)
araragi is a cop (also bad)
hitagi is a capitalist (not great)
tsubasa is no nations anti war jesus (lol?)
araragi is still the protagonist even though his arc has been done for like a while now and he doesnt really have any more interesting stories to tell except theoretically the future ones*
*the future stories have a lot of problems. the thing with shinobu in ikusa is a little weird and doesn't seem to match up with their established dynamic?
also musubi spends times establishing new characters and doesn't make them recurring. maybe we will see more of them later but its weird to introduce people that we don't have much investment in and then just drop them when you could make the whole story about the futures of the characters we know or most of it
OUGI IS IN THE SCHOOL (THIS IS STILL NOT OKAY)
(I'M STILL NOT OKAY WITH IT)
(NOT JUST BECAUSE I LOVE OUGI AND AM VERY BIASED BUT BECAUSE IT IS ALSO, IF YOU ANALYZE IT, PRETTY MUCH OBJECTIVELY WEIRD! NISIOISIN FORGOT HE WROTE OUGI DARK)
probably nadeko should become a new protagonist or at least it should be more of a thing where there are multiple protagonists and all their stories get explored. this way we see each character from their own POV instead of araragi's and they get to develop on their own terms. more interesting stories can be explored this way instead of done-to-death kind of boring ones and everyone can be happy because their blorbos get content
ononoki yotsugi has been done dirty
ougi is still in the fucking school? why? why? why? why did he have him make that choice in ougimonogatari. and more to the point, why does the narrative think it's okay to relegate someone who by all means should be free and having a life to eternal work in a school question mark? this seems completely at odds with the message from ougi dark, which again, nisioisin forgot
it's not even that ougi doesn't want to have a life! we know this because she is jealous of tsukihi for being good at living. she's just kind of bad at it. but they still want to live. that was a pretty important thing. and pretty significant for their character. so why are they in a school forever as though they still need people to affirm their identity/need to be tied to the school? being literally stuck in a school is not "living." why does the narrative think this is okay ? question mark?
oh yeah also why are we not seeing kanbaru and ougi finish kanbaru's whole arc thing going there? why are we pushing aside conclusions of stories like nadeko's and kanbaru's for uninteresting stories of new characters who generally aren't very compelling instead? it's just not an interesting direction to take the series, and it's already gotten stale. nisioisin could have tried something new like he seemed like he was going to do with oroka, but he just dug his feet in even further to araragi because he can't let go of the stinky man. not swag horrendous crinkly vibes.
in short: NISIOISIN fell off
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1 38 49?
1. are looks important in a relationship?
errmmm hm. id say not really ... conventional attractiveness doesnt . do anything for me . and i dont judge whether or not id date someone based on how they look . iunno
38. have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?
Uhjm yeag honrstly my current bf a little ... when i joined th mutual circle he was kinda just a usernamr like i knew who he was but i didnt Know really i just thought Hes friends with all these people . and then i was shot and killed and thats where it ends
49. if you have a partner, what is your favorite thing about them?
Heh I Do . smirk emoji . its hard to pick just one Honeslty but ummmm um um . i really Rrrreeeeeaaaallllllyyyyyyyyyy like his laugh and his voice in general I lovehisvoicr uuuauuauauauauaaaahhhhhh aaaaaahhhhhhh UUUUHAHAHHHHHHHRRHGRGH i love his art and sense of humor and hes so niceys and sweetness and hes smart and dedicated and kind of a weirdo but its literally so okay because i like when he giggles b4 sending an out of pocket message And i like how its kinda obvious when he doesnt like someone but no one else seems to notice AAANNNDDDDD i likr how his personality is kinda like when you eat something and its mild but tasty at first and then a bucnh of flavor kicks in And u keep eating it for the dual experience . i would say like a jawbreaker thats sweet on the outside and sour ok the inside but He wouldnt be sour if he were a flavor . im thinking sweet then spicy which is funny becausr hes a quirked up white boy rhat cant handle spice . I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND !!!!!!!!!!! WEOW I LOVE HIM SO MUCH IM COOCOO I WROTE WAY TOO MUCH AND GOT SO FAR OFF TOPIC MY BAD CHAT. ok final answer his voice👍
THANK YOU!!!!
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Hi there. I was curious, did you ever finish the Bakemonotachi light novel from Ryukishi? I've been reading it, and not sure how to feel about it. What did you think about it?
Hi, I am still at chapter 21, my reading stalled for a while because of irl stuff, and leaving japanese to the wayside. This also seems to be the point where the translation I linked earlier is right now. So I might just end up finishing it up from there if the translation is any good.
spoilers for those intending to read it
I also have some mixed feelings on it, which is why I don't want to voice some final opinion on it without having finished it. I like its overall core idea of it which is essentially against thoughtcrime and all the real people who do harm are differentiated from Marika and Raichi by being in positions in power. Marika might have violent fantasies, but they are essentially harmless. Especially when compared Ierie and her uncle.
Also liked the focus on treating patients like people, and how people are being pushed into being monsters by society rather than solely anything inherent. Marika has violent thoughts, but she is only started acting out when she was pushed into an unwanted marriage, becoming a monster is essentially a way of protecting herself from being married off.
Raichi comes off as less sympathetic, but his story is that of a cycle of abuse, he unintentionally kills an animal , an action he doesnt quite understand as a kid and is beaten up by his father because of it instead of being showed any explanation. When he finally meets someone who is willing to show him that understanding, his violence stops.
Ierie by contrast knows how to play by the rules perfectly and in his own words not only found a way to be a monster with society's approval but also found a way to be paid for it.
I think my main issue is something that comes up again and again in ryukishi work where there is ambigious romantic/sexual undertones in the portrayal of Marika and Raichi's relationship. I don't think there is anything wrong in Marika having a one sided crush but the way Raichi thinks about her also feels kind of wrong combined with the message. How much I can ignore those in the end is kind of dependent on the ending.
I do think it's normal to have mixed feelings even beyond that, idk you anon but "having violent fantasies doesn't make you a bad person" is not necessarily something easy to swallow when confronted with. While I agree with it generally (or at least i dont think it should be criminalized), i would probably still be disturbed by it in many instances.
what do you think about it?
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I really hate how trauma effected my art. Ive seen many trauma survivors make beautiful art about survival and growth and other really beautiful stuff while i can only make really gross stuff about destruction and hopelessness. I dont like it. Every time i tried to make lighthearted things it didnt feel sincere.
I saw a movie about a disabled person who had an accepting environment and parents who loved him and everyone who heart him learnt from it and became kind to him and he grew up happily. It was around the time my story was really shapping up and i was even starting to be proud of it. But after watching that movie i felt so gross. That story actually gave hope to people but the only thing people will get from my stories is a small echo of my trauma. My brain is too clpuded by pain in order to create anything else. It makes me feel like a bad person. Did you ever go trough something like this?
heyo dear <3 yea i really do get what youre saying. my best friend some weeks ago was saying i need to put my art and writing and ideas out there and it send me down this same spiral, and its still something im struggling w tbh.. it makes me feel like maybe ive got nothing to add but my hopelessness, dispair, endless entrapment and contemplation of pain and sadness and doomfullness and trauma to this world... at least, most of it seems to be that, or it seems at best a fixation on trying to find some sort of grim, melancholic beauty in the rot. and whats the point, when theres already so much of that in the world..? and its made me feel like a bad person too, bc it just further reminds me im not that "ideal" trauma survivor
but. ive been trying to look at it other ways too. i think theres value in your writing and art if it comes from sincerity, and i think theres value in art which is depressing and doomful if its real and from the soul about it
i think it can provide a comfort for people who are much like you and i, at least, i always found that sort of art did.... if anything, while everyonce in awhile i appreciate a movie like the one youre speaking of, theres also many (most times) when even if i find it sweet, i find it.... harder to connect to, harder to resonate with, harder to care about. its nice and all, but i guess i tend to gravitate twoards art which makes my pain feel understood, seen, like someone else out there gets it, feels it too... and i think there really is just as much importance in that sort of art being out there as there is in that more positive side of it i guess ....... kinda like how i find comfort in even you sending this message, you know? you didnt write me some sort of hopeful thing, and yet, its both nice and sad just knowing someone has had these same thoughts and feelings running through their head and struggles w this too
... and.. maybe it doesnt seem like it to you at times, but i think in the first place writing a story, working on it putting it out there is in and of itself able to give ppl hope. bc its making something out of your pain and trauma, using it in some way, channeling it; hell, managing to get stuff out there despite feeling bad and traumatized - thats something
... and really on top of that, havent so many of the great pieces of literature of this world Been that anyway? doom, melancholy, lements, depression feeling haunted trauma endless problems endless tragedy with seeminly no resolution a general feeling of doom and dispair, clearly heavily influenced by these authors own shit.... and yet, they are read by so many people so many times, for both their artistic quality sure, but their relatabilty and realness too, their rawness, so that we can sit with something which understands. if you feel like your story and your writing is all doom and dispair you wouldn't be the first one for sure; plenty of great writers kept that going for decades
...
you cant and shouldnt force art, it should come from the soul. if right now this is how it is bc youre not feelijg or doing better, then it is how it is and it still has value.... and maybe one day, and i really hope so and wish so for you, you'll be better, yea? you will feel more healed, more hopeful, more at peace, in less pain, less tired deep down. and maybe then, your art will change and reflect what you will be feeling inside moreso, you will be making more of that art which feels more hopeful abt things... but until then, i rly think its still worthwhile and meaningful to keep working on what you've been working on <3 its what ive been trying to tell myself too
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ok it is also cool that pansexual merman's little sister uses a prosthetic tail
and that they didnt completely typecast each mermaid based on her hair/tail colour to an element. Green mermaid is water instead of earth, pink mermaid is earth instead of fire, and some rando who has 1 speaking line in the entire film is air :)))))
the problem is really the plot. it doesnt feel creative or exciting. we dont even KNOW the stakes. some woman who we dont know just says "the fate of our world depends on it ." but she doesnt seem at all concerned or worries or anything. and its like in what way? how will the world be changed if this doesnt go to plan? nobody knows. probably not even the writers.
i think what i really miss is when barbie and her friends had to be clever/creative/industrious in some way to solve their problems. Like Annalise finding that purple geode and using it to revitalize her kingdoms economy. Or even corrine in princess academy who had to figure out that she was the lost princess, and her friend who was a music genius helped fighre out that the Beep beep BEEP Beep of the door code could be deciphered. Now its all just "barbie is kind and a friend to everyone. that (+ magic) solves all her problems the end." but the truth is that being kind to a bully/abuser wont always make them stop being mean? (in fact i would say that a lot of the time it wont work!) barbie rapunzel and barbie nutcracker stood up against the evil people and defeated them.
also the music is bad and the backgrounds/animation in general arent as pretty as they were in video game hero or starlight adventure. They look more on par with backgrounds from princess and the pauper, but without the really loveable characters + compelling plot + amazing music to make up for it. also backgrounds rendered entirely in 3d just dont look as nice as the old more painted style ones.
final criticism is that the conservation of oceans message was really shoehorned in and even then it was pretty shallow bc if a bunch of mermaids can just zap the great pacific garbage pile into nonexistance, they can do it again right? like thats a bad way to show that garbage hurts sea creatures. They should have actually had a seaturtle try to swallow a plastic bag, or had fish get stuck in those 6 pack can connector things, and had barbie and co actually put in some WORK to help, rather than just do a <2 minute "battle" against the garbage and then immediately have a dance party?
ok compliment sandwich i guess their hair looked nice. Very shiny. made me want to look up hair care routines
#barbie mermaid power#barbie#honestly i just wish they would go back to telling classic ballets/fairytales with barbie#like there are a MILLION more ballets out there#that was where the barbie movies were at their peak#also did i mention that the music in this one SUCKED#like it had none of the heart that the old music did#it was just synthetic pop sounds after the second one i just listened to the first 15 seconds or so#and then skipped to the last 15 seconds or so of each song#none of them were even CATCHY synthetic pop#:(#pls barbie make good movies again i am begging on my hands and knees#also introduce more Barbie Robertses#have a san fran barbie and a vancouver barbie and a denver barbie and a London barbie and a paris barbie#make an army of cool diverse women all named barbie roberts#and have them all just call each other by their cities to avoid confusion#and for gods sake give them diverse interests too!#like the two barbies we have are into... music and vlogging and... kindness ig?#i know we have skipper and stacy and chelsea#but make the other new barbies like her friends from life in the dreamhouse#have some who are into various sciences and arts and sports#and for gods sake make one of them a BALLERINA
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Oh yeah I totally get that kinda anxious "I need to know everything I need to have everything relating to the hyperfixation" feeling. It gets to the point that I got playlists (or sometimes just a single song!) that I listen to on loop for literal days or even weeks at a time, just so theres something of the hyperfixation around so I dont get lost thinking of it when I should be thinking of other things haha (it's kinda not fun tho, kinda anxious cause other things dont seem to matter as much -_-)
As for the fic, it does the second person in a way that doesnt feel like your thrown in. More like an observer of the events with you being a character if that makes sense? I think it's because of the style of horror that that direction was chosen (hidden messages directed at you, but it might be character you or you as an irl reader?) BUT I read that in a comment so idk if the fic will go that direction but it kinda feels like it!
A lot of chapters end on cliffhangers tho so heads up for that if you do read it wjxidjfjebf not so bad when you got another chapter to read but sucks when you gotta wait xD
IJHHG Yessssss! I don't get that stuck on songs, but I quit literally can't listen to music without some daydream going on!(and shucks it is empty without having anything to daydream about) And when I find That One song that fits so nicely, theeeen I am stuck XD
But yeah it is pretty painful in general and that's why I don't like falling into new obsessions xD(but it happens anyway *swoon*) Because it feels like you are on a time limit and you need to get everything NOW or you'll explode XD Like this itch that won't stop bothering you xD
These kind of fics just need to be experienced personally to know if it doesn't overstep some inner boundaries, but it sounds interesting and intriguing so far <3
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DID YOU ALL SEE THE NORTHERN LIGHTS?! (may 11,24 - 8:45pm)
DUDE!!!! the fckn northern lights were so gorgeous last night!!ive nerver been more happy to be alive than i did last night and propably tinght too!! the fucking colours were so goddamn pretty!! all that magick looking arouras. god i love the northern lights~ i hope the clouds clear up again tonight and that the lights are brighter!! right now, i am cleaning up my room and then rearranging them to fit me better and for "change of season" feeling. keeping myself occupied until the lights come out. the sad thing though is that there was a (very) young one just passed away not even 2 days ago. those parents are only a few years younger than i am. its baffeling. and very sad. i hope those two can recover well, and that no one bothers them about it. this village is already rude about the funerals that happen here. almost no one repsects them, and the ones that do, are a part of that family or it was one of their family members passing away. the respect never stays. anyway, enough about saddness and funerals, the northern lights will be going off soon enough and i want my room to be clean before that happens, and judging by last night, it wiill be cold af again tonight.
11:08pm - judging by the weather tonight, we wont be able to see the northern lights. im so glad the was got to see them last night, they were so bright. my mom got sick just 2 days before mothers day, which is gotta suck all round for her. poor ma, she says its not but what may have push her over was drinking the last cup of coffee last night at 2am. i also think she was slowly getting sick before that, but it was body soreness and even more insomnia. she didnt even smoke today, how bad she feels, which sucks because we dont have any meds for her to take to properly recover. got no fricken money either. its very unfortunate that this happens almost every single time. its ridiculous how often this happens, and even when we do get some meds for us, we still end up with nothing once one of us in the house get sick. so if my mother is sick right now, i wonder who in the house will be next. so far, ive been the only one in mums room, so it might be me. on another note, the moon tonight looks so pretty~ its too bad that the clouds wont clear up for tonight. such a shame. i was so exicted and preparing myself to go outside and take lots of pictures while also admiring it. the way that the lights looked right above us was amazing, like it was circling right above the village <3 if you want to see my northern lights pictures, go to my instagram: @photographer.amethyst
i am posting what ive edited there and they look amazing! if i do say so myself <3 there are a few people now, trying to message me about being a freelancer or not. hell, just to sell my photography in general. i only do this as a hobby, selling my picutres will be a last resort only. this is not my last resort. at least, not yet it isnt. but thats for another day. right now, im going to have a puff and watch youtube videos for the rest of the night. so i think that this entry will be short as well. just maybe.
1:05am - it doesnt seem to be like the night to watch the notrthern lights tonight. it kind of sucks but i am so glad i got lots of pictures to edit and post <3 i just find it weird that it is very cold out right now and i just want to go back inside and curl up in my penguins blanket, never come out of my little cuccoon that i have made for myself. i made a second pot for myself basically. my little brother isnt drinking coffee, which is okie, its his choice. but its just me drinking the whole pot for now and for however long my mother will be ill for. hopefully this doesnt last long, conidering that we do not have any medicine for her to take. unfortunatly. even though she didnt eat at all today, she seems to need to throw up, or feel like thorwing up. dry heaving and whatnot. it genuinly does sound like that shit hurts. lots of thought run through my head when she gets like this. lots of anxiety and worry as well. i wonder if this is how she felt with all of her kids while we were growing up, and to change perspective, i wonder if this is how she felt when she was looking after her mother(my gran) while she was sick for a bit too. if so, no wonder she does everything in her power to make sure that we feel better and recover quick with the medicine she manages to find for us. speaking of, i may have to use my savings to go to the store again to find some medicine for her there. anyway, i think ill stop for tonight, hope you enjoy today/tonights entry, have a good day/night, readers~
#happy#lgbt#2spirit#journalist#journal#lgbtq#they/them#journalist amethyst000#journal entry#ill post the photos of the northern lights later on
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swipe right - jjk | m
“ i wanna ruin our friendship. we should be lovers instead. i don't know how to say this, cause you're really my dearest friend “ - jenny, studio killers
♡ summary- after a horrible breakup, you sign back up for tinder and ironically match with your best friend, jungkook. a date for fun is harmless, right?
♡ genre- best friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, jk is a minecraft streamer, brother namjoon, brother-in-law jimin, namjoon is kind of a himbo stay at home dad ngl, ex-boyfriend seokjin (mentioned but doesnt show up)
♡ word count- 9k
♡ warnings- mentions of a bad breakup (smh seokjin wtf??), penetrative sex, unprotected sex (u know the business folx), oral sex (m receiving), teasing, SO MUCH BODY WORSHIP, jk is a simp, slight dirty talk, lots of just talking during sex yall it happens, creampie, cum play, praise praise body worship praise, did i mention body worship, tit-fucking, cum eating, i think thats all.
♡ a/n - helloooo and thank you for your wait for this fic! i’m so happy its done and i loved writing it! it’s a little bit different feel for my usual style of writing (smut-wise) so please tell me your thoughts! i didn’t use dom/sub themes OR a daddy kink LMAOOOO praise me please. i hope you enjoy!! pls feel free to comment, chat, message, carrier pigeon, email, mail, WHATEVER U WANT, me. i love u babies. thank you to @kimtaehyunq for the sexy banner. and for @xjoonchildx @ladyartemesia @untaemedqueen for the writing support and idea generation. i would be nothing without my council. and thank you to my beta editors @hobi-gif and @ughseoks and @hongism for the perusal and help in writing this!
Jungkook is the person you call when your world falls apart.
He answers, voice raspy from the late hour, and the second he asks you what’s wrong, the downpour of torrential tears you’ve been holding back finally escapes and you’re sobbing through the phone that you just lost the love of your life—that he left and with little effort on his part, and a lot on yours.
Jungkook listens to you—his heart aching deep in his chest at hearing the utter heartbreak that’s clear in your voice. You’ve never been hurt like this, and he’s desperate to hold you, to make it go away. He wants to drive over to Seokjin’s house and throw a left hook into his stupid, handsome face for making you feel you weren’t worth it.
Because if there’s anything in the world that Jungkook knows, it’s that you’re worth it. You’re worth everything. Add up all the money and all the gold in the entire world, and it still doesn’t meet a fraction of what you’re worth to him.
“Where are you?” He asks as he cradles the phone against one arm and pulls on his jeans.
You sniffle. “Jungkook, it’s 3 am.”
“So? I was up playing Minecraft,” He lies. “Where are you?”
You can’t help but laugh the tiniest bit, a sliver of warmth wrapping itself around your raw and exposed heart. Like a balm to a flesh wound. It doesn’t heal it, not yet.
“I’m at our park.”
Jungkook smiles as he grips the phone back in his hand. The park. The place you and Jungkook spent your childhood playing make-believe games, and formative teenage years loitering around smoking clove cigarettes to look cool.
“Give me five minutes, okay?”
You nod, even though he can’t see you.
“Okay.”
Jungkook arrives with two minutes to spare. His beat up Nissan that he insists is “vintage” and “priceless” idles next to you.
He can see you through the darkened glass of your car—your mascara is running down your face, tears streaked through your flawlessly applied makeup.
You still look so beautiful.
And it angers Jungkook that all that time you spent looking good for Seokjin meant nothing to him.
He motions for you to come over, pats the passenger seat next to him and smiles as he watches you open the door and slide into the security of his familiar car.
“You cleaned your car,” you murmur as you notice a severe lack of McDonald’s trash.
He sniffs haughtily.
“The trash added character.”
Jungkook doesn’t give you a chance to respond. Instead, he’s unbuckling his seatbelt and pulling you as close to him as he can get you. The instant his arms wrap around your body, the floodgates open again and your once-quieted tears turn back into full-fledged sobs.
“I loved him,” you gasp through the pain in your throat.
He rubs your back, pats your hair gently, soothing you the way he has for years now. Through every breakup, through every family fight with your older brother Namjoon, through all the mean girls in high school. Jungkook is the north star—always consistent, always guiding you back to safety.
“I know, babe,” he sighs. “You deserve someone who’s going to treat you right, who’s not just going to give up when things get hard.”
You choke back a cry against his Patagonia hoodie and bury your face further into the crook of his neck. He smells like Old Spice and the shampoo he uses, along with the smell of laundry soap you buy for him—he uses dish soap when he runs out and nearly broke his washing machine last time.
“I thought he was the one. I’m so stupid.”
Jungkook swallows hard. Tonight is about comforting you, not about feeling sorry for himself that you’re his best friend and not his girlfriend. He can’t help but think of what kind of life he would give you. He knows it’s one that wouldn’t end with you crying in a parking lot at 3 AM.
“You’re not stupid, you just loved him. And there’s nothing stupid about loving someone, even if it doesn’t work out,” he sighs as he cradles your head against him. It feels right having you there, pressed up against him and seeking comfort from the solace of his arms.
“Let’s go get a milkshake, yeah?” He asks as you pull your head up and look at him with sad, glassy eyes.
“Yeah,” you nod after a moment of staring.
Jungkook’s eyes sparkle with love, with hope. It makes the desperate, alone feeling inside you—disappear. Jungkook presses a soft kiss to your forehead and then starts the shaky ignition of his car, that takes three cranks of the key before it turns over.
He sends you a look, a laugh evident on your face.
“Don’t even start,” he warns. “The engine is fine.”
“Whatever you say,” you snort as you wipe an errant tear from your face.
“It’s a certified classic car! I could get millions for this baby!”
As the weeks pass, the pain of losing Seokjin becomes further and further from your mind. You can get through the day without crying anytime you see something that reminds you of him and even start flirting with others without feeling like you’re cheating.
You just still haven’t reached the point where dating someone else even feels possible. You’re terrified of allowing someone close to you, letting them into a place where you’re inviting them to possibly hurt you. You’re not sure your heart is ready for it.
“I think you’re just scared,” your older brother Namjoon states as he warms up a bottle of milk in boiling water.
He cradles his new baby in one arm while the other works at the bottle of milk.
“I’m not scared,” you huff. “I just don’t think it’s the right time.”
Namjoon sighs and hands the gurgling newborn baby off to you and readies the bottle for you to feed your new niece, Jisoo.
“Look, Seokjin sucks, okay? I know you two were together for some time, but in the end, he wasn’t the right one for you. There’s someone out there who is the right one for you. You know how many shit frogs I had to kiss before I got my prince?”
You make a face as you feed Jisoo, who happily sucks and gazes at the lights above.
“You call Jimin a prince?”
Namjoon sighs dreamily as he watches the baby and thinks of his husband.
“The dreamiest prince,” he breathes, eyes closed in bliss. “But back to your problems. I think you should get back out there. Go on some dates, meet some people. No one is telling you to fall in love and get married tomorrow. Just go have some fun.”
You allow Namjoon’s words to mull through your mind. What could be the harm in joining a few dating sites, perhaps spending some time at the gym or grocery store flirting with someone cute?
“Fine,” you say. “I’ll think about it.”
“Good. I can’t be the only one giving our parents grand-babies. Soo needs a cousin.”
You smile down at the tiny bundle in your arms and imagine a future where you have a baby of your own.
“Okay, I’m not trying to get knocked up, Joon.”
“Whatever,” he sighs. “Help me choose a wall color for me and Jimin’s new master bathroom.”
Tinder’s changed since the last time you used it, years ago. It’s gone from any semblance of dating to strictly an app used to get laid.
It’s discouraging swiping through all the obvious fuckboys. Sure, a quick and easy lay sounds great, but you’re also trying to go out and enjoy real, traditional dates, and it seems none of these guys want to step foot outside of a bedroom.
The swiping left becomes almost monotonous. You’re sitting on your couch, watching some documentary about serial killers, when a startling profile pops up on your Tinder feed.
The picture that pops up is... Jungkook. You can’t stop the bubble of laughter that leaps from your chest. His profile is so authentically Jungkook that you’re swiping right before you even know it.
Your brain doesn’t even comprehend what a match with Jungkook means, really. You’re still laughing as you click on the bubble to message him and send him as many laugh emojis as you can.
“Hey guys, what’s up, Kookie here with another Let’s Play Minecraft video for ya. Be sure to like and subscribe if you enjoy this kind of content.”
Jungkook’s headset is firmly wrapped around his head, mic next to his mouth and hands at the ready on his mouse and keyboard. He’s set and in the zone.
The game is well into play when the familiar chime of his phone goes off. It’s a Tinder notification—he can tell by the sound. He can’t help but roll his eyes, wondering what sort of boring conversation he’s meant to have with a girl who will probably ghost him, anyway.
He lazily lifts his phone and glances at the notification, before dropping it back to the desk.
His hand freezes on his mouse as he finally comprehends what he just read.
He just matched with YOU.
His best friend.
His secret, lifelong crush.
He sputters something into the microphone and stops recording his game, wildly grasping for the phone and unlocking it.
YN: 😂😂😂😂 is your bio a Minecraft pickup line?!
He pauses, attempts to collect his thoughts, before desperately typing on his screen.
JUNGKOOK: Why? 😉😏 did it work?
You spend the rest of your night jokingly flirting with Jungkook, sending GIFs and emojis in between the silly lines you’re using on each other.
Right before you’re about to head to sleep, Jungkook sends one last message.
JUNGKOOK: What if we went on a date lolol. Haha jk. Unless?? 👀👀👀
Your thumbs hover over the keys to your phone.
A date with Jungkook? Even though you matched with him, you’ve never thought of a date with your childhood best friend.
YN: alright, it’s only fair since we matched 😝 show me how you treat these tinder ladies
“I have a date with Jungkook tonight,” you tell your brother, Namjoon, over the phone.
Over the crying of your newborn niece, you hear Namjoon splutter in confusion.
“You what!?” He nearly screams. “Jeon Jungkook? Like... the annoying kid you’ve been friends with since fourth grade?”
You huff.
“He’s not annoying! He’s my best friend. We ironically matched on Tinder and… Well, why the fuck not? Nothing serious is going to happen. We’ll go out and have a story to tell about how incompatible we are.”
Namjoon doesn’t reply. Instead, you hear him speak to his husband.
“She’s going on a date with Jungkook,” he says over the muffle of his hand on the receiver.
There’s a shuffle, and the dulcet voice of your brother-in-law, Jimin, comes over the line.
“Girl,” he starts. “What the fuck?”
You chuckle as you move about your closet, trying to decide what’s appropriate to wear on a date with your best friend.
“It’s nothing!”
“Mm-hmm,” Jimin tuts. “You know the boy is in love with you.”
“Okay, Chim, you’ve been spending too much time cooped up with my brother. It’s affecting your grip on reality.”
“Sure, honey. I just tell it like it is. Don’t break his heart.”
You roll your eyes.
“I won’t break his heart because there’s nothing there, Jimin.”
“I’ll be expecting your call later.”
“Yes, dad. Love you guys.”
“We love you too, sweetheart. But really, don’t break that poor boy’s heart.”
You open your mouth to retort yet another reassurance that there’s nothing to break, but the line goes dead.
“Fucking Jimin,” you mutter as you throw your phone to the bed.
You can’t allow yourself to think that Jungkook might have feelings for you. It’s totally out of the questions. He’s your best friend. The guy who shoves Cheetos up his nose to make you laugh and falls asleep during every movie night with his face in the popcorn bowl. He’s just Jungkook. This date is just a funny way to hang out.
So, why do you care so much about what you wear?
You’re still standing in front of your closet, attempting to find something respectable to wear. It doesn’t matter that the last time Jungkook saw you; it was with mascara streaming down your face and a hoodie from Namjoon’s college swimming days and ripped leggings. Jungkook has seen you in nearly everything you wear, so your indecisiveness gives you pause.
Do you want Jungkook to be attracted to you? Do you want to do your best to look as presentable as you would for a normal date?
The thudding of your heart tells you that maybe you’re more interested in this being a date than you’re allowing yourself to believe.
You shake all thoughts off.
No, you won’t allow yourself to overthink a night that should just be fun.
You settle for a fitted and simple summer dress, tights and heels. Simple, easy, respectable but also showing enough cleavage and sculpt of your ass to ensure you look more dressed up than not.
Perfect.
With one last look in the mirror, you’re ready.
JUNGKOOK: I’m outside!
ME: See you soon!
Jungkook taps his foot anxiously as he sits on the bench outside your apartment. His tight black jeans feel like a second skin on his legs, and the black button-down shirt he’s tucked in makes him rethink his choice of outfit.
Is he too casual?
He’s never really worn something like this around you. This is what Jungkook wears when he wants to seduce. This is what every girl he’s desperately wished was you got to see. The girls who swooned over his messy hair, the way his jeans display his toned thighs, the peek of skin at his throat.
Maybe it’s too much.
Maybe he’s afraid he’ll scare you away.
Maybe he’s afraid you won’t like it.
He’s given no chance to ruminate anymore because you’re exiting the building and walking straight towards him.
He doesn’t think he remembers how to breathe.
It’s as if you walk towards him in slow motion. Angels chorus around him and the setting sun sparkles on your face like a spotlight. There’s nothing in the world anymore, nothing but you.
You’re the most beautiful human he’s ever seen in his life.
“Hi,” you smile as you approach him.
He continues to stare, eyes traveling over the soft curves of your cheeks and jaw, trailing down to the way your dress clings just right to each dip of your body. His throat goes dry.
You are without a doubt the girl of his dreams.
“Jungkook?”
It pushes him out of his reverie, eyes widening as he realizes he’s been staring at you for maybe a few minutes too long to play off as normal.
“Hey!” He coughs, attempting to right himself.
“You okay?” You ask, eyebrow lifted in concern.
“Yeah! Yup! Totally! I’m okay—a-okay, absolutely great.” He internally slaps himself.
“You clean up nice,” you smile as your eyes elevate up and down the lean form of his body.
“Oh?” He asks, taken aback.
In his daze, he never even realized what you’re thinking about him, rather only how intensely he was thinking about you.
“This must be the Jungkook that all the girls in college couldn’t stop begging me to hook them up with.”
His cheeks flame with sudden embarrassment, hand moving to the back of his neck to rub it awkwardly.
“Ha, yeah,” he swallows. “You look r-really nice too. I don’t think I’ve seen you in a dress since your brother’s wedding.”
The smile that he’s rewarded with nearly knocks him on his ass. “Thanks! It’s fun to dress up cute again. Jin hated this dress.”
A stab of pain eeks its way into Jungkook’s heart. Seokjin. God, how he hates that man.
“Well, uh, you can wear whatever you want with me!” He assures.
You loop your arm around Jungkook’s, saddling up to his side as you look at him expectantly.
“Well, are we going?”
Jungkook can’t help but smile at the sparkle in your eye, the way you peer up at him with those soft, cherry lips. He wants to capture them with his own, kiss you until you don’t remember Seokjin’s name ever again.
But he resists.
“Let’s go!”
You never thought you’d admit it to yourself. You never even thought it could happen.
But the date is everything you’ve ever wanted, and more.
Jungkook is still Jungkook, still just as silly and easy to talk to as he always is.
But he’s also charming. Flirtatious, even. He holds doors open for you; he rests his hand on the small of your back as he guides you towards your table at dinner. He feeds you bites of his dessert and lets his eyes linger on the way your lips look wrapped around his fork.
Jungkook treats you the way you’ve always wanted to be treated. Like someone he wants to cherish for the rest of your combined lives. Someone he wants to take care of, build a future with, enjoy life with.
And as much as it thrills you, it absolutely frightens you.
It’s when you’re walking down the small river trail together that Jungkook slips his hand into yours and laces your fingers together. The once-steady beat of your heart becomes erratic. He continues chatting—as if holding your hand was a subconscious act for him. He’s knee deep in a story of his Minecraft server when you stop walking, causing him to pause.
“What’s up?” He asks curiously.
Your eyes glitter with anticipation, with fear, as you stare at the gorgeous man before you. He looks like a full course meal in his tight jeans and he makes you feel like a princess. You can suddenly see doing life by his side—no longer his platonic best friend, but as his lover and lifelong partner.
You say nothing. Instead, you simply close the space between you two by grabbing the buttons of his shirt and tugging his lips onto yours.
“Wha—oh, mmmmmm.”
Jungkook is still for a second as he battles the surprise, but jumps into action and cups your face with his hands, deepening the kiss by pushing his tongue past your lips and swirling it around your own.
Your bodies press close together. He can feel your breasts against his chest and he desperately wants to rip the dress off your body and worship you like he’s always wanted to.
As soon as the kiss started, it’s over. You’re pulling away with eyes wide with fear.
“I’m sorry, I—I need to go,” you stammer awkwardly.
Jungkook’s heart drops to his stomach.
“What? We were going to get ice cream?”
You can feel tears building in the corners of your eyes. You’re so confused, so unsure of what you’re feeling. You want to stay and kiss Jungkook until you’re clawing at the clothing on his body, pressing kisses to the firm column of his neck. You want to run far away, too scared to admit it to him you’re sure you could love him for the rest of his life.
You can’t lose that friendship. You can’t risk everything you love about Jungkook. He’ll only hurt you the way every boyfriend ever has.
“I don’t really feel well,” you swallow hard as you lie. Jungkook always knows when you’re lying.
His body stiffens.
“Okay, let me walk you home.”
You shake your head, already moving away from the man.
“It’s fine. We’re nearby. I’ll just run or something.”
He opens his mouth to protest, but you’ve already turned face and started running the direction away from him.
Jungkook watches, misty-eyed, as the girl of his dreams runs further and further away from him.
You’re sobbing as you finally reach home, out of breath and confused. The phone call to Namjoon is quick.
“Yo,” he says cooly as he answers the phone. His tone changes when he hears your whimpering sobs on the other end.
“Joonie,” you whisper. “I fucked up.”
“Oh god,” Namjoon quickly shuffles and calls his husband over, before putting the phone on speaker.
“What’s happened, baby?” Jimin’s sweet voice asks.
“I—I kissed him,” you sob, holding yourself close in the comfort of the elevator.
Namjoon and Jimin look at each other with knowing looks.
“We’re on our way over.”
Jimin knows the first order of business is to stop the crying. He places sleeping baby Jisoo in your arms, which quiets your whimpers enough as you cling to the tiny baby. He knows your weakness is sleeping babies.
Namjoon looks on anxiously, hates seeing his little sister upset and with no way to make it better.
Jimin’s been asked to take the lead on this, because he knows his husband's response is to cry as well—he gets emotional anytime he sees her cry. Namjoon agreed, knowing Jimin was better suited for the conversation.
“Tell us what happened,” Jimin asks quietly. You’re rocking the baby gently, sobs turned to sniffles. “Did something go wrong on the date?”
Your eyes peer up at your brother-in-law’s, a wounded look that makes Jimin feel sad. Namjoon clenches beside him, and Jimin lays a hand on his lap to soothe the protective brother.
“No,” you whisper. “That’s the thing. It was an amazing date.”
Jimin watches you curiously, but remains silent to let you continue.
“We had dinner, and we played arcade games and we walked around. And he was so… fuck, he was perfect. It was like dating the guy of my dreams.”
Jimin nods knowingly.
“And it surprised you how much you liked him.”
“Yeah,” you sniffle. “At the end, he was holding my hand and just talking about normal, stupid Jungkook shit, but this time it felt like more. Like, I felt in my heart that I wanted to be the one he always talked to about it. I wanted to be the one he came home to at night.”
Jimin pats your cheek lovingly, the care for his sister-in-law clear in his gaze.
“You don’t just like him, honey. I think you might even love him.”
You pull baby Jisoo tighter into your grasp and nod, pathetic tears slipping down your face.
“I just left him. Like, I ran away from him like an asshole.”
Namjoon grunts and takes a spot next to Jimin. “If he loves you, which I’m sure he does, he’ll still be waiting for you.”
Jimin nods and rests a hand on his husband's back. “But you better have one hell of an apology.”
Jungkook doesn’t answer your phone calls. He doesn’t respond to your texts, snapchats or Instagram DM’s. He doesn’t even look at the TikToks you sent him! It’s becoming infuriating to get in touch with him.
You take matters into your own hands and storm to his apartment after work, the rising tension in your shoulders and stomach full of rocks an indicator of your anxiety about the future of this relationship.
Jungkook opens the door wearing nothing but a pair of grey sweats. All the carefully crafted words exit your mind at light
speed and you’re left gasping, wide-eyed at the chiseled body of your best friend.
“Can I help you?” He asks, tone flat.
Ouch.
You push past him into the apartment you know so well. “Yeah, you could start by answering your phone.”
Jungkook rolls his eyes and closes the door, then heads back towards the large gaming setup in the living room.
“My apologies for not responding to the girl who literally ran away from me on a date.”
Your cheeks heat uncomfortably as you stand in the center of his living room, arms crossed over your chest.
“Jungkook, listen. I’m—”
“Please,” he shakes his head as he sits down at the impressive gaming chair. “Save the apologies. I get it.”
“You don’t get it!” You say, exasperated. “You don’t get any of it! That’s why I’m here.”
Jungkook narrows a look at you then stands from his chair. Slowly, he makes his way towards you and stands inches from your face. The proximity of his bare, toned chest to your body makes your throat dry.
“No, you don’t get it.” His voice is threateningly quiet, completely different from his usual chipper tone.
“Jungkook, I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what?” He quirks his head sarcastically, and you’re struck by the sharp lines of his jaw. “Sorry for running away from the date? Sorry for going on a date? Sorry for making me feel like I had a fucking chance when you kissed me?”
You swallow hard and open your mouth to reply, but he cuts you off.
“I’m sorry too. For giving myself way too much hope that this could ever be something. I’m sorry for myself for thinking you’d at least respect me enough to reject me politely.”
“You always had a chance!” You can feel tears building in your eyes and Jungkook feels his heart pound in his chest like a drum.
He scoffs, a harsh and mirthless laugh. “Clearly not.”
“I just—,” you start. “I never saw you like that before and suddenly you became everything I’ve ever dreamed of. It was like getting hit by a train, Kook! Suddenly my best friend turned into the man of my dreams.”
He shakes his head, stepping back away from you.
“I really find it hard to believe you,” he whispers. “I can’t let myself hope.”
“Jungkook, please,” you beg as tears start slipping down your face. “Please believe me.”
“Just leave,” he sighs. “I hate making you cry.”
You want so badly to wrap yourself in his arms, cry into his chest like you always do when you’re hurt. But you stand still, frozen in your shame and embarrassment of hurting your best friend so badly.
“I’m sorry,” you murmur, before you spin around as quickly as you can and leave Jungkook’s apartment in a flurry.
He watches as the door slams behind you, eyes full of sadness and regret. As much as he wants to believe you, have faith in every word you said, he can’t allow himself to get his hopes up again.
He can’t watch you run away from him again.
“Welcome back to Kookie’s Wild Weekly Walkthrough!” Jungkook cheers as enthusiastically as he can through his microphone. “The weekly segment where I react to your Minecraft worlds!”
Jungkook needed to dive back into streaming to take his mind off of you. He hasn’t left his apartment in days, only subsisting on takeout and coffee. At least he was making more money and his subscribers didn’t seem to mind the up-tick in content.
“Tonight I’ll be walking through a creation sent by,” he squints at the username. “‘Kookiesgal95’ Aww that’s cute.”
He readies the content and starts his camera as he watches the YouTube link. His subscribers love his reaction videos—it’s a highly requested segment.
The video starts off easily, a generic Minecraft world that looks like a park.
“Hi Kook.”
The voice that reverberates through his headphones makes him pause the video quickly, wide-eyed with recognition.
It’s you. He’d know that voice from a million others.
Shit. He’s going to have to edit so much of this clip. He’s staring at the screen as if he’s just seen a ghost.
Unsteadily, he clicks play again and watches as you lead him through your Minecraft creation.
“I wanted to recreate something for someone very special in my life.”
Jungkook doesn’t even bother to react to this anymore. This entire video is going to be worthless—there’s nothing he can say.
The video pans around the Minecraft setup and he can see what looks like handmade swings and merry go rounds.
“It took me a really long time to do this and an embarrassing amount of help from some twelve-year-olds on the internet.”
He laughs and is stunned by the wet tears rolling down his cheeks. He hadn’t realized he was crying.
“I re-created a park that is really special to my best friend and I.”
He feels his chest tighten and relax. The park.
“This is the spot where he held me when my dog died when I was nine. I still miss that dog.”
The view is on a spot next to a blocky oak tree. Jungkook remembers that day, remembers your heartbroken sobs as he whispered words of comfort to you. He misses that dog, too.
“This is where he and my brother got in a fight when we were eleven, because my brother called me a stupid-head. My best friend has always been protective of me, even from my own big brother.”
He can still remember pushing Namjoon around after hearing him call you names. He pushed Namjoon over and threatened to use his “big muscles” if he did it again.
The camera pans to an enormous structure, rather sloppily made, of a slide and monkey bars.
“This is where we first shared a joint in high school. I coughed a lung up and he ran down the street to a gas station at ten pm to get me a bottle of water even though I told him I was okay,”
The memory of the bewildered 7-11 employee plays through his mind. The man watched as a very stoned, very out of breath, Jungkook paid for a bottle of water in coins.
The video continues playing, moves towards what appears to be a parking lot made of cobblestone blocks.
“This is where he held me when my world fell apart.”
The break-up. The way you cried and cried and cried in his arms and he held you as if you were the only thing left on Earth.
“This is where he reminded me I’m worthy of love, that I’m not broken. This is where he held me like I was delicate, but treated me like I was unbreakable.”
His tears don’t stop. Jungkook feels his heart thundering in his chest like a summer storm.
He can hear your sniffles through the recording of the video—you were crying too. It pans around to the swing set.
“And this is where I’ll tell him everything, tonight. Where I’ll tell him how deeply I love him and how I want to make him the happiest guy in the world. In all of Minecraft and beyond. I hope he comes.”
Jungkook doesn’t even bother turning his camera off.
Instead, he’s running to change out of his three-day-old clothes and bolt out the door.
The creaky, rusty metal of the swing set is deafeningly loud in the silence of your park.
It’s dark, just a few street lights around to illuminate the perimeter, but it’s otherwise only lit by the moon.
It’s getting cold. You shiver in your hoodie and kick at the dirt under your swing.
Maybe he didn’t see the video. Maybe he wasn’t going to show.
Maybe it was too late.
You spent hours working on the Minecraft world, staying up at all hours of the night to build and craft a poor re-creation of this park. The twelve-year-olds on Reddit had been invaluable and Namjoon definitely made fun of you for your creative assistants. But it had all been worth it.
“Fuck,” you speak out loud to no one, as you try to warm your hands in the pockets of your sweater. “It’s cold.”
“You should have brought a jacket.”
The sudden voice from behind startles you. You hop off the swing and whip around to face down the intruder.
Jungkook.
He looks so good. He’s wearing a thick coat and tight jeans. Your eyes take a delicious journey from head to toe.
He can’t help but preen at your blatant appreciation. He enjoys knowing you’re attracted to him, at least physically.
“You came.”
He nods and takes a nervous step towards you. He’s still far away, more than an arm's-reach away. You’re desperate to bring him closer, to pull him tight against your body and wrap yourself around him. You never want to be without his gentle touch again.
“I felt pretty compelled to come after you made all this in Minecraft for me.” He cracks a wry smile, a boy-ish grin that makes your heart flutter.
“It took me twenty-five hours and some teenagers to help.”
He laughs, a beautiful sound that warms you. “I’m sure they were ecstatic to help.”
You chew at the inside of your cheek, nervous at what he thinks about your in-game confession.
“Did you mean it?” He asks. He steps closer—one more step.
“Every word.”
His eyes are searching yours for the truth, desperately diving into the depths for validity.
“Why did you run away?” Another step.
You swallow hard, heavy tears brimming in your eyes.
“You went from being the silly best friend to being the person I could spend the rest of my life with. It all hit me. It’s always been you.”
One more step and now he’s just within your reach. If you stuck your hand out, your fingers would graze the soft puff of his coat, the delicate skin of his neck.
“I’ve always felt that way about you. I never thought you’d feel the same.”
You smile softly, timidly. “It just took me a little while longer to realize it.”
All at once, Jungkook closes the gap and holds you gently by your cheeks. His thumbs wipe at the moisture under your eyes.
“I promise to never make you cry again,” he whispers reverently.
“And I promise to never run away from you again.”
Jungkook smiles at that, cradling your face like you’re the most expensive and precious jewel.
“Can I kiss you again?” He asks, somewhat unsure of himself.
“I would like it if you would.”
As Jungkook presses his cold, plush lips to your own, you make a promise to yourself to never go a day without kissing him again.
“I can’t believe you’re in my bedroom,” Jungkook murmurs as he kisses at your face. After the park, Jungkook loaded you into his priceless Nissan and scurried home. You could hardly keep your hands off him as he drove you back to his place—reaching and caressing the spots on his body you’re dying to become familiar with.
“I’ve been in your bedroom before,” you remind him as he tugs up the hoodie you’re wearing.
“God, don’t be so semantic when I’m trying to fuck you,” he says before throwing the hoodie to a corner of the room. “You know what I mean.”
Jungkook kisses you again, all lips and teeth and tongue. He kisses you like you’re the last breath of air, and he’s greedy for every bit. He grips your hips, not too tight, and brings your body against his. You can feel him grow in hardness in his too tight, and it feels like bliss.
Teasingly, you grind your hips against his, making him shudder with desire.
“I want you,” he whines as he nibbles at your lip.
“Really? I couldn’t tell.”
He opens his eyes to level a look at you, pulling his mouth away from yours.
“You’re such a little smartass.”
His hands become feverish on your jeans, tugging apart the button and flicking down the fly. He pushes them down quickly, and you kick them off carelessly.
He can’t stop looking at you in your bra and panties, standing at the foot of his bed.
“Holy shit, okay, this is happening, right? Like, this is real?”
You smirk, pleased with Jungkook’s obvious excitement.
“Let me prove it’s not just a dream.”
Softly, you spin Jungkook around and push him down to sit on his bed. He complies easily, eyes wide and excited.
“If this is a dream, would you be able to feel this?” You ask as you unbuckle his belt and open his jeans. He doesn’t reply, simply watches you as you tug his jeans down to his thighs.
His cock strains hard against his tight boxers, and you run a teasing finger over the obvious bulge.
“Oh fuck,” he breathes.
“Feels pretty real, huh?”
“Y-yeah.”
Your delicate hands gently tug at the waistband of his boxers and easily work them down enough to free the length of his cock. It springs out easily and your eyes widen at the impressive size. You assumed he would be at least average, but you’re looking at something definitely more.
“Oh wow,” you whisper. “You’re fucking huge.”
Jungkook grins. “All for you, baby.” The cockiness is palpable.
One solid grip around him wipes the presumptuous smile off his face, replaced with a gasping, shuddering moan.
“How about this? Not a dream?”
He struggles to find his voice, instead he’s gulping for air like a fish out of water.
“That’s what I thought,” you whisper before settling into a position on your knees. “I’ll admit, I’ve dreamt about this too. I always felt so ashamed for dreaming about sucking my best friend's cock.”
You press soft kisses to the head of his length, teasing the sensitive areas at the tip before kissing up and down the length.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
His evident desire for you encourages you, and your tongue swipes at the crown of his tip and swirls around it gently.
“Oh my god.” His eyes shutter closed and you trace the veins in his dick with your tongue.
“This h-has to be a dreeeaaaaam,” he whines as you make an exceptionally long stripe with the flat of your tongue.
You pull off for a moment, humming. He springs his eyes open and watches as you reach behind your back and unsnap your bra. Your breasts escape with a bounce and his eyes widen, nearly bulging out of their sockets.
“What the fuck,” he whines. “You have the most amazing tits.”
He reaches out to grasp them and you slap them away playfully.
“Not yet,” you smirk. “Still trying to convince you you’re not asleep.”
He sucks in his breath and puts his hands back to the bed to steady himself, eyes never leaving yours (except to stare at the luscious curves of your body).
Grasping your breasts in both hands, you smash them together lightly in an elaborate show of what Jungkook wants most. You lean over his body and place the throbbing thickness of his cock in between your tits, allowing him to feel just how soft and warm they are.
“Shit!” He yelps, grabbing his sheets in a tight fist. “Are you really tit-fucking me right now?!”
Slowly, you lift your body up and down, allowing his cock to feel each stroke of your breasts. You nod at his question and continue to pump up and down.
“Still dreaming?”
He whines and shakes his head, already feeling so close to the edge. His cock is slick from your teasing licks and the pressure of your tits surrounding him had his mind spinning with desire.
“Ahhh, I’m so fucking close,” he warns.
You continue, speeding up the friction and pressure of your strokes.
“I want you to cum on me, Kook,” you whisper encouragingly. “Cum on my tits, please?”
Jungkook feels like he’s a wire about to snap, and your thick, sultry voice and incredibly perfect breasts are the snips that breaks him apart.
“Oh, shit,” he grunts. “Gonna paint your titties white, baby.”
His moans echo around the walls of his bedroom, small gasps of pleasure and your name escaping his perfectly plump pout.
His hot load splatters on your chest, and you stroke him through each pulse of his cock. You’re slippery with his seed now, and when you pull away from his spent length, you make a show of rubbing in his cum over your chest.
“Okay, definitely not dreaming,” he says in a daze as he watches you lift a wet finger to your mouth, popping it in to clean it off. “Who knew you were so fucking kinky?”
His confidence grows as he catches his breath. He can’t believe he’s sitting on his bed with you on your knees, breasts covered in his load. You’re suckling the cum off your finger like it’s his cock, and he’s desperate for more.
“There are lots of things you don’t know about me,” you shrug.
Swiftly, he grabs you gently by your bicep and pulls you close, sucking at your lips until you’re both standing.
“I plan to find out everything.”
Suddenly, you’re switching positions and Jungkook is pushing you down into the bed. You lay flat in the center, body relaxed and eager for your best friend.
“What are you doing?” You ask. He’s still standing at the end of the bed, watching you get comfortable. Once he’s satisfied that you’re lying exactly how you want, he settles himself by your feet.
“Worshipping you,” he says as he lifts an ankle and presses gentle kisses to your calf. “Showing you how much I adore you.” More kisses, soft and sweet. “Showing you how I plan on treating you for the rest of your life.”
He takes his time, lavishing your legs with his mouth. He kisses and sucks at any spot, sexual or not. He mouths at the roundness of your knees, your firm hamstrings. He presses his love into the skin of your thighs, mouthing his praises with each kiss.
He reaches the dip of your hips and he gently kisses your exposed skin as he tugs your cotton panties off you.
“I have loved every inch of you since before I can remember,” he praises as his lips skim over the mound of your cunt. “And I don’t plan on stopping soon.”
Your body feels like it’s on fire, as if Jungkook lights a match at every spot his lips press against. Your eyes close, and you allow Jungkook to continue his pious worship of your body.
He teases around your folds, kissing your labia ever so gently—making you gasp. He doesn’t linger long, only kisses you enough to stir the licking flames of heat in your belly.
He kisses at your stomach, gently nibbling and laving at the softness there. You try to hide from him, try to hide your insecurities of your body in his thorough exploration, but he moves your hands.
“I know you don’t like this part of your body,” he murmurs. His voice is so soft, so pure and sincere. “But I do. I love everything about you.”
His tongue swirls around your belly button, making you gasp at the ticklish sensation.
“You’re so pretty. So perfect.”
He continues upwards, lips now trailing to your full breasts. He takes his time there, licking and kissing and flicking at your nipples with his tongue. It feels exhilarating—Jungkook’s mouth feels like everything you want it to feel like. His tongue is warm, and he bites with just enough pressure to make your back arch off the bed into his embrace.
His hands explore, taking stock of every millimeter of skin he can find. He wants to memorize every freckle, every bump, every scar and line. Your body is his paradise, and all he can think of is you, you, you.
One hand travels down your body as he moves his lips up your neck. It snakes down your stomach and deftly slides over your soaked core. You whine as you feel his fingers part your folds and dip into the wetness.
“So wet,” he says out loud, verbalizing every tantalizing detail of your body. “So perfect.”
His lips are finally at your own and you kiss him passionately, tongue swirling around his as he slides his two fingers past your clit and into your drenched hole. You gasp against his mouth, eyes widening as he slowly scissors his fingers into you and pumps slowly. It’s almost teasing, the way he fucks his fingers in you. Slow, firm movements with his powerful hands.
“Jungkook!” You gasp. He doesn’t reply, instead he bites at your lip and tugs, then trails his hot mouth back down to your nipples. He can’t get enough of your breasts and the slightly salty taste of him still lingering.
“You feel so good,” he says as he speeds his fingers up minutely. “So tight and wet for me.”
Your hips writhe in need. He’s giving you what you need, but not enough. You need more, more. You want to feel him, all of him, spearing you open.
“Please, Kook,” you groan. “I need you.”
He laughs softly against your nipple and sucks extra hard, letting it pop out of his mouth audibly.
“And I need you, my love.”
“Fuck me, please.” You’re desperate, thighs quaking from the slow teasing. “I want you to fuck me, Jungkook.”
Chills shudder down Jungkook’s spine and he’s powerless to say no, not when you demand it so well.
“With pleasure,” he agrees. He pulls his fingers from within you and copies your move, sliding them into his mouth to suck your essence off.
He’s never looked sexier. His eyes are dark chocolate pools of burning intensity, and you feel your breath become shaky as you watch him clean his fingers with precision.
After he’s deemed his fingers sufficiently clean, he settles himself between your legs. Easily, he lifts your hips and shoves a pillow underneath, elevating you to a more comfortable position. He grabs your legs and tosses each over his shoulders so they’re higher in the air.
“I’m going to fuck you so good, baby,” he promises as he rubs the tip of his cock on your soppy slit. “Condom?”
You shake your head, appreciative of his question but desperate to feel him completely.
“Birth control. Regularly tested. Haven’t had sex in a while,” you blurt out. “You good?”
He nods in agreement. “Same. Well, except the birth control. But, I’d take it if they made it for men.”
“Jungkook!” You whine. Your best friend is so easily sidetracked. “Please, can you fuck me?”
He grins. “Tsk, someone is impatient.”
A low moan is rumbling in your chest as he continues to rub his thick cock at your entrance.
“I swear to god, you’re the biggest tease.”
“Oh, I’m definitely the biggest.”
Before you can react, he’s pushing past your entrance and sliding deep in your walls. Your position makes his cock feel deep, and he bottoms out and stills there, eyes closed in bliss.
“Holy shit,” he gasps. “This is absolutely the best pussy I’ve ever felt.”
You wiggle your hips as you get used to the sensation of the delicious stretch.
“Please don’t tell me how many pussies you’ve felt when you’re balls deep inside of me.”
Jungkook turns his head and kisses at your legs resting on his shoulders, lavishing them with his praise once more as he keeps his cock buried inside your tight heat.
“Yours is the only one that matters. The only pussy I’ll ever be in for the rest of my life.”
“That’s a good answer,” you smile. “Now, fuck me, lover boy.”
Jungkook winks and grips your hips with his hands. He swiftly pulls out, enamored with the way his cock is already covered in your creamy essence, then eagerly pushes back in. He sets a pace and soon the sound of skin clapping on skin echoes around the room.
“Oh god!” You’re moaning loudly, unabashedly. You’re thankful that Jungkook’s old roommate, Yoongi, moved out to live with his boyfriend Hoseok months ago. He’d definitely complain about the noise for months. “Fuck, Jungkook, you feel so good.”
Jungkook fucks into you with ferocity, speed and power gradually rising as he feels his core tighten with the coming anticipation of release.
“Mmm, you look so fucking sexy like this,” he murmurs. “Getting fucked by your best friend’s fat cock.”
He moves a hand from your hip, trails it up your body to squeeze at your breast, before he’s cupping your face once again. His hips snap against yours and he loves the way your mouth utters little squeaks and gasps with each deep thrust into you.
“God, my beautiful girl,” he groans. “Can’t wait to cum in this pussy, shit, you got me so fucking close.”
You open your mouth desperately and Jungkook easily slips his thumb in. You latch on quickly and suck, tongue swirling around the tip like you’re sucking another cock. It nearly sends him over the edge and the speed of his hips matches his desperate need for more.
“Fucking hell,” he bites back. He can feel his belly tighten, driven further and further to the edge by the constricting wetness of your cunt.
He pulls his thumb out and moves it down to where his cock spears into you, allowing your spit to swirl with his thumb around your clit. Your core tightens around him at the added stimulation and your back arches up in ecstasy.
“I’m so c-close, Kook,” you plead, as if begging for mercy. “Please, I want to cum so bad.”
The speed of his thumb increases, and he watches as your face twists in pleasure and desperation.
“Cum on my cock, baby, let me see you fall apart. Show me what I’ve dreamt of for so long.”
A high and wanton cry ripples out of your body as he savagely increases his speed, both his cock and thumb working overtime to drive you towards your end. The butterflies that erupt in your lower stomach make your moans louder, higher. You’re so close, closer than ever. It’s building to an incredible crescendo.
He can tell you’re close—he sees it on your face as your back arches and your fists grip his sheets.
“You look like a fucking angel, baby,” he whines as he soaks in the vision of you writhing underneath him. “I bet you cum like an angel, too. Let me see it, let me see.”
With just a few more swirls of his thumb and his deep, hard strokes, you’re soaring over the edge into a pool of nothingness. Your cunt pulsates wildly around his length, milking and stroking it with your tight walls. You throw your head back, moaning out his name at the top of his lungs, letting his neighbors know just who fucks you so well.
“Holy shit,” he gasps, hips stuttering as he fucks into your juicy hole. “That was so fucking sexy.”
You grip his forearms, holding onto him tight and encourage him to go harder. “Cum inside me, Kookie, please. I’m all yours, make me yours.”
His heart feels like it might burst in his chest. He’s always wanted you to say it to him, to hand over your love to him like he does so easily to you. It’s all so much, so overwhelming, and the feeling of your hot cunt still fluttering around him sends him reeling into his own completion.
He spills into you, warm seed coating your walls and pooling inside your womb. He fucks himself through each throb of his cock until he’s sure he’s drained every ounce of himself into you.
Your legs slip off his shoulders easily, and he gently pulls himself out of you. He falls beside you, panting with exertion, and wraps an arm around you.
After a few silent moments of catching your breath, Jungkook pulls you in close to him until he can koala-cling to you, arms and legs both wrapped around your body.
“Mine,” he whispers as he kisses your head. “All mine.”
You return the favor, clinging to your best friend—boyfriend—like he’s your only lifeline.
“All yours.”
“So, you’re telling me, you got together because of Minecraft?” Jimin asks, pointing a fork in your direction. It’s been months now since your grand virtual declaration of love for Jungkook. Months of bliss and romance, laughter and companionship.
You were right all along. Jungkook is everything you’ve wanted in a man and more.
You’re sitting at your brother’s expensive dinner table, enjoying a meal with his family with your boyfriend at your side.
“Yeah, Jimin, I guess that’s what I’m saying,” you retort as you roll your eyes. “Minecraft and Tinder.”
Baby Jisoo is awake and in your brother’s arms, but she’s whining and wiggling to leave him.
“What’s wrong, Soo?” Namjoon asks with a pout on his lips. “Why don’t you want daddy anymore?”
Jimin snorts at his husband and you hold out your arms for your baby niece. “Come here, baby, I know you want auntie.”
Namjoon dutifully hands over his daughter, sulking that he’s been picked over for his sister.
You cradle the baby in your arms, expecting her to calm once she’s there, but she continues to fuss. She’s thrusting her arms out and nearly crying, reaching towards Jungkook who’s busy chowing down on Jimin’s homemade ramen.
“I think she wants you, Kook,” you murmur. He looks at you, then to the baby, then back to you, before he wipes his hands and face clean with a napkin.
“Oh, okay,” he whispers, slowly taking the baby from your arms with your help. “Hello, ma’am.”
Namjoon and Jimin laugh. “She’s a baby, Jungkook, not an elderly woman,” your brother teases.
Jungkook doesn’t listen. He’s too busy cooing at the baby in his arms and playing with her tiny hands. Namjoon turns his attention away and looks at you.
“Guess I won’t be the only provider of grandchildren for much longer.”
You playfully glare at him and turn away to watch your boyfriend. Watching Jungkook interact with your niece makes your heart swell, your soul sing. He’d be a perfect father.
“I swear, if he teaches her how to play Minecraft, he’s banned from the household,” Jimin grumbles. “This is a No-Nerd-Zone.”
Jungkook cradles the child and rocks back and forth, singing her a soft, made-up song, before he looks over at you.
“Hey, I want one of these,” he smiles. “Can we have one?”
You lay a hand on your stomach, a soft bump not quite visible yet. It’s only been one test, the lines faintly indicating ‘positive’ on the stick. You wanted to make sure, get confirmation before you spill the beans.
“Sure, Kookie.”
He grins and leans over to kiss you, before turning his attention back to the baby. “Okay, Jisoo, now let me tell you all about the Endermen.”
Jimin groans. “Oh my god, do not give Minecraft facts to my infant!”
tag list - @giadalin @nohayarcoirissintormenta @pjmislovely @xhazmania @marcoazam2 @eggbutnotyolk @feel-the-sunset @unicornbabylover @aretha170 @jeonmisha @hordanhearsawhooo
© ppersonna - 2021 - do not repost on any site, or translate without express permission from author.
#bts smut#jungkook smut#bts fic#jeon jungkook smut#jungkook#ficswithluv#jjk smut#bts fics#jjk fic#jungkook fic
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SEVERANCE
Severance: 1
the action of ending a connection or relationship.
the state of being separated or cut off.
In which the relationship between teen mc and the brothers is severed.
TW - self deprecating thoughts, contemplation of self harm, general angst, abandonment, mentions of violence
Mc - it’s briefly mentioned that they have nothing for them in the human world, implying that they don’t have friends or family and ik that’s doesnt leave room for projection in the family sense but I still felt like it was necessary to add to the story.
Your back slammed into the lockers behind you. You gasped out, lungs clawing and veins burning begging for the air that was knocked out of you to be returned. This was so stupid. You had no idea what these demons had against you, and even less of an idea as to why you didn’t fight back. You had the seven avatars of sin at you beck and call and you still did nothing to defend yourself. Why- why didn’t you call on them? Why couldn’t you just open up your mouth and say even a syllable of one of their names?
A hand scraped through your scalp. Claws digging into the tender skin there, drawing blood. You wanted to scream out in pain. But you also didn’t want to give them the satisfaction of knowing that they hurt you. You weren’t sure how long the assault went on but eventually after only getting gasps out of you the demons seemed to grow bored after not being able to witness the pained reactions they wanted from you. You sat there leaning into the lockers, wishing the metal would mold around you and swallow you whole.
Eventually, mechanically, you got up, a simple machine running through its tasks. Picking up your school items that had been strewn about, nodding politely to those who acknowledged you, and likewise being sure to advert your eyes from those who you had a bad streak with. Walking back to the house of Lamentation, a place you would've once considered a second home but, was nothing more than a suffocating cage to you now. Making sure to leave an extra few steps in-between you and the alley ways that seemed ever so prevalent in the Devildom, hugging close to the walls of the gothic buildings when anyone passed by you. You were close now, your pace slowed considerably, to the kind of pace that even a snail would be frustrated with. Maybe it was then, when you started thinking of the house of Lamentation that you regained your senses. You felt stinging in the back of your eyes, and a lump lodged itself in your throat. You wanted to scream out your frustration, hating the pins and needles feeling that settled itself behind your eyes and skimmed along your tear ducts anytime you thought of the brothers. Humans are foolish weak creatures, easy to sway with sin, and in this moment your pride quakes and with it the fragile feelings that you've tried so hard to ignore. Somewhere deep within your mind you remind yourself that it's ok to cry, that its ok to feel emotions and show that you aren't some unaffected stone wall to those around you, that you're a real living breathing person. But then your pride crushes that thought, your ego not allowing you to show any weakness, for even the concept of someone laughing at you, no not even that, the mere concept of someone knowing about the twisted darkness that touted about your mind was horrifying. Making your gut twist with nausea at the thought.
Your DDD buzzed from within your pocket, a message from Mammon on the screen: "Hey MC I can't make it to movie night today, promised Lilith that I'd take her out on the town y'know." This was the third week in a row Mammon had blow you off, lately it seemed like all the brothers only spoke to you to tell you that they were cancelling your plans with them or it was them asking you to lend them something they had gifted you, only for you to see Lilith with it a few days later boasting about how much her brothers loved her. At first you had rained on her parade, telling her just who that item she loved so much belonged to, shoving her brothers misdeeds in her face, you reveled in the way that her face twisted into a frown, the smallest and meekest of apologies slipping from her lips. Was this why Satan constantly terrorized Lucifer you wondered, it truly did feel good to tear down the one who everyone thought of as the better you, to see them crash and fall, watch them sink into he depths that you practically lived in. Eventually Belphegor had caught on and during a fight between you and him about it, Lucifer had walked in. The rest is long since history, now you and Lilith aren't allowed to be alone together.
Clutching your DDD in your grasp, briefly wishing that it would crumble under the force of your grip and blow up, a feat that was beyond something that your feeble strength could ever manage, you cursed your selfishness under you breath. What right did you, a nobody who stuck their nose in places where it doesn't belong, have to feel this terrible about the situation you currently found yourself in.
Maybe it's because you weren't the same age as them, well no human could ever be, Solomon excluded, but you still weren't mentally as developed as them. Maybe it's because you were never truly a part of the family, a replacement that took the place of the real thing until it could return to its original place. You knew that wasn't true, once upon a time you all had truly been close, had an, in your opinion, unshakeable bond. But now... you couldn't stop yourself from second guessing those times. Had the brothers ever truly seen you as your own person? Had you always just been a descendant of their precious younger sister to them? You clutched your lips in-between your teeth, slightly reveling in the stinging pain it brought. Why were you so selfish? You should. be happy for the brothers. After so long they had finally been able to meet their sister, you had been the one that made their reunion possible. So why did jealousy claw at your chest and make your throat burn with bile? You constantly pretended like you were some kind of always virtuous saint, but in the end you were just a dirty person who only thought of themselves. In the end you were the real demon. You couldn't do anything right. You couldn’t keep up with work, you couldn’t keep their interest, you just weren’t good enough for them, and the fault lay with you for ever thinking that you were good enough for a true role in their family. You were never a permanent fixture in their family, just some human brat that they had to deal with for the year. Who were you to them anyways? Some random weak human who managed to con their way into their interests and, as though your hard work to get them to look at you with anything other than cold disdain didn’t matter, you had slipped straight out of their interest all over again.
Lilith was everything you pretended to be and so much more, you bitterly had to admit that to yourself on one of the first nights of her return. Lilith was almost like an idealized being, someone who you looked up to and also wanted to tear down, a feeling that you hated experiencing. You and her had been close pre-reanimation but now you could only glance at her from across the house, desperately wishing that in you were in her place, that you were the beloved little sibling the brothers were doting on, just as you had been back then.
The shrill tone of your DDD ringing broke you out of your stupor, causing you to jolt back in shock nearly dropping the expensive device as a result. You truly did wish it would just destroy itself and you alongside it. Would they look at you then? Spare you the time of day for even a single glance at your mangled body? A twisted satisfaction bubbled in your gut at the idea of them feeling bad, possibly even guilty, upon discovering that you'd been hurt. A sick, twisted and euphoric drew your vision to your veins, bulging out of your arm because of your death grip on your DDD, which had long since stopped ringing and had switched to vibrations as you were bombarded with messages. Maybe they would toss Lilith aside just as they had done to you. Maybe she would drown in the feelings that you currently are. Eventually you acknowledged that train of thought as beyond wrong, but it still hung on in twinges within the depths of your sick little mind. You began to walk forward again, waiting until the buzzing of the messages slowed to look at what you had been sent. Apparently you had missed a call from Mammon, not surprising considering the fact that you didn't respond to his original message, and Mammon hates to be ignored, though he seems to have no regard for how those he ignores himself feel, but that's neither here nor there you suppose.
Most of his messages are junk like:
"Oi human is this because of what I said earlier"
"don't be such a big baby its not that big a deal"
"HEY DON'T IGNORE ME"
"D'YA REALLY THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH IGNORING THE GREAT MAMMON?"
You may or may not have skipped the rest of his ramblings after that. But his last message made you pause:
"Sucks to be ya Lucifer wants to see ya as soon as ya get home."
Heaving a sigh you pick up your pace, briskly walking the bitter air of the Devildom stung your inner ears, causing an uncomfortable itchy feeling on your skin. Shrugging your bag further onto your shoulder you walked up the steps to the house of lamentation, sucking in a deep breath to calm your frayed nerves, it didn't work, it never truly did. As soon as you entered you were greeted with none other than Lucifer himself, the same scowl he always seemed to wear directed at you. You couldn't help but think of the time before all of this had started. He never would've looked at you like that, it was only a look you had ever seen him cast at the demons who he thought were worthless blights to the Devildom. He had never cast it at Mammon even on the days when he generated the worst of issues. So, seeing it directed at you like this, it made you want to curl up and shrivel away. Your stomach seemed to have the same idea, creating wave after wave of nausea. Your legs seemed to go rigid, your calfs tensing.
He seemed to be surveying you at first, before finally pounding the tension in between you two into a brick and slamming it in your face. "Mc we need to speak in my office, now." You didn't need to be told twice, scurrying after him your ears picked up on Asmo's giggles from the sofa, looking over you two made eye contact. He allowed a vindictive smile to spread across his lips, marring his features and creating an aura far different from the bubbly one you were used to. He raised his hand in a greeting, bursting into further giggles at the sight of your eyes widening.
You hadn't even noticed you had come to a full stop until Lucifer growled your name from the top of the stairs. You panickedly looked from Asmodeus back to Lucifer before flying up the stairs muttering apology after apology. Lucifer grabbed you by the arm, pulling you towards his office walking at a brisk pace that left you stumbling and awkwardly being essentially dragged. You wondered if you were slightly more delusional if you would be able to convince yourself that he was holding your hand tenderly. Eventually you two made it to his office where he gave one final tug on your arm, causing you to slam into the door frame, your arm buzzed like tv static and it briefly went numb. He didn't even look down at you to see if you were ok, simply walking back to his throne that took the form of some old victorian style chair sat behind his desk. You knew exactly what was going to come next, a lecture of some kind or if you were really unlucky you'd end up being strung up from the chandelier.
He pressed his gloved hands to his temples, briefly managing them before clasping his hands on the desk. Even though you were taller than him with your current positions, you standing and him sitting, it still felt like Lucifer was looking down at you. "I understand that you're a child, and as such I've tried to be more lenient with you then I am with my brothers. I decided to not severely punish you for your behavior because I thought you were just acting out and needed an adjustment period but now, it's time to start acting your age Mc. You can't keep throwing tantrums or saying harmful things to Lilith simply because you dislike not having everyones attention on you at all times." You knew exactly where this was going, you were going to spend the next 3 hours listening to Lucifer put you down while praising Lilith for doing nothing more than breathing. But even then, you hadn't done anything to Lilith as of late, so you had no idea where this lecture was coming from.
"Lucifer what- I haven't done any-"
He immediately cut you off. Raising a flat palmed hand up at you. "Mc I am not in the mood to hear your excuses." You bit the inside of your cheek holding in the sigh that you wanted to let out. As Lucifer continued on his lecture you grew more and more frustrated. Everything you had done to Lilith amounted to nothing more than being alive when and where she was.
Lilith tripped and you didn't help her up? Blasphemy
Lilith ate something she couldn't and you were in the same room? A crime against humanity
Lilith asked you for help with lifting something that it was more than obvious your undeveloped human arms wouldn't be able to even get a good grip on, and you told her to go ask Beel for help? You must be the real demon in this house.
Lilith didn't take into account that her new body was far more fragile then her previous one and ended up getting a bruise? Diavolo forbid a cut? You obviously had it out for her or else you would've told her what is and isn't safe to do.
Maybe that's why you didn't think ahead, maybe that's why you just said the meanest thing that came to mind. If you're going to get into trouble just for existing around Lilith then you'd give Lucifer a real good reason to be mad at you.
Now it was your turn to cut him off, "Lucifer if I'm being completely honest I really don't care. Like at all." You watched with a sick satisfaction as he did a double take, obviously not expecting that out of you. However, when it did register he gripped the desk in the same way that Belphegor had gripped your neck. You briefly worried for your own safety, wondered if this would be where you die. But then that same line of thought from earlier came back, would Lucifer eventually fall into despair when he realizes what he'd done to you? Would his brothers hate him for it? Lucifer exploded, shouting and ranting about just how big of a mistake it was to bring you here, how had he known that this was your true nature he never would’ve allowed you to come into the Devildom, in fact he never would’ve allowed something like you to defile someone like Lilith’s bloodline.
You wanted to cry. All of the bravery and oomph that you had earlier had long since shriveled up and died. You regretted ever opening up your mouth. You should’ve just sat there silent and listened to what Lucifer had to say. Now you were questioning if he really was right. Maybe if you had been nicer to Lilith, been more welcoming, been more like her instead of a cheap imitation. Maybe then you would’ve been loved. Maybe then you wouldn’t hear Lucifer tearing into insecurities you had confided in him about. You hated having your trust thrown back in your face like that. And… you snapped
“LUCIFER JUST SHUT UP!” The power of the pact flowed through the air uncontained ripping into your bond with him and choking it. His mouth instantly snapped shut. He slammed his fist down on the table starling you. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes dangerously promising to overflow. Before you could turn tail and run away a sob escaped your mouth. You quickly covered your face, desperately kneading at your eyes with your fingertips wishing that you could’ve just walked away with your head held up high. Instead you were breaking down in the office of one of the people who you never wanted to seem weak around. You swiped at you face over and over again trying and failing to calm yourself down. When you felt a hand connect with your shoulder you paused for a few seconds before immediately dashing out of Lucifer’s office and to your room.
You crashed through your door, slamming it shut and locking it. You tripped over nothing and ending up colliding with the edge of your bed. Clawing at the sheets you muffled your sobs into the sheets, biting into them. Because of your tugging the blankets ended up falling off the bed, burying you under them. A frustrated scream clawed it’s way up and out of your throat lingering in the air of your room. You ended up crying yourself to sleep just like that, hiding under the covers wishing that Lucifer would just let everything go for today.
You were in your room, sitting in front of your vanity, head resting on the wooden desk of it. Looking up into one of the mirrors that make up the entirety of the walls of your room you’re met with your reflection. It doesn’t look right, when you open your mouth the inside is just slightly too dark, your features just the tiniest bit more stretched out than usual, light shadows dance under your gaunt cheeks. Then it speaks, “What do you wish for?”
Your head and arms are glued in place, you can’t move, your legs thrash from their place under the vanity, your mouth is almost sewn shut. You shivered the cold hands of your reflection reaching from within the mirror to touch your face. You had never been so uncomfortable with your own reflection.
“I’ll ask you again, what do you wish for?” You pulled away again, this time you flew back, the wooden floor shattering like glass splintering into your back. As you feel further and further your reflection burst into a shadowy mist rushing towards you.
You awoke with a start in the middle of the night at some unholy hour. You couldn’t be bothered to crawl out from your place under the covers to check the time instead opting to just lay there. Your heaving breaths being the only sound within the room. You’re uncomfortably hot underneath your covers but also covered in a cold sweat. Leviathan banged on the wall you two shared shouting something about Ruri-chan and you interrupting his and Lilith’s together time. You contemplated yelling back before remembering earlier that night. Maybe you could be nicer, maybe you could be better. If that happened maybe they would live you again, maybe you could go back to being their younger sibling. Maybe then…
Your first mistake was ever thinking things could go back to the way they were before.
The entirety of the credit for this idea goes to @victoirey specifically this post. Be sure to check out their blog and show them some love.
#angst#fanfic#writing#obey me#obey me main character#obey me shall we date#obey me teen mc#obey me replaced mc au#replaced mc au#obey me brothers#i hate tagging#gender neutral mc#ik its not the best rn but I promise this chapter was just to flesh out mc's current situation
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is there any proof that Pete has recovered from his misogynist era or do I just have to trust him 🙏
x
he hasnt said anything thats seriously annoyed me in like ten years. unlike when i was a literal child i understand now that he was kind of a completely awful person and people not might like me or want to associate with me for being a fan or whatever. but at the end of the day im not (that) terminally online and i understand most people outside of childrens cartoon discourse websites think its much cooler to like a rock band
he talks a lot about how hes grown as a person and he realized when he had his son that he had spent his entire life being shitty, on loveline he said he realized for the "past 29 years hed been the most selfish creature thats ever existed" and he said about tttyg “It would be fraudulent for me to write piss-you-to-put-you-out lyrics anymore. I have better self-examination and I am in a better place. I know people hang onto that, but it’s not real. It’s not me anymore.” ashlees new husband or whatever speaks very highly of him which a lot of people think is telling since she was the one that left him and he had a history of being violent jealous and controlling
the whole time ive been a fan hes had the same girlfriend and hasnt had any scandals or even rumors of scandals and just seems focused on being a father. and like people really do hear about those things if they get bad enough, another high profile frontman in a similar music genre for example has had some episodes over recent years where hes yelled at a waitress and called her a bitch or theres been insane public arguments at his house, and i dont think that guy is a bad person either but my point is nobody really hears that about pete but they used to which makes me feel like he just doesnt act like that anymore. if that makes sense
i do think hes probably still kind of sexist in general because old habits die hard but i think hes matured a lot and is less of a dick about it and just tries to be a decent normal guy these days
i think the biggest thing is that i got a message from someone who was a young female minimum wage employee in chicago in like 2004 and she described him as an absolute nightmare that came in with his friends and they made a huge scene and loudly ranked waitresses out of 10 and told them to smile and didnt tip. but i recently got a message from a different young female minimum wage employee who works at a store that he regularly shops at now and she described him as very kind, polite, quiet and socially anxious/nervous.
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what soobin is like as a boyfriend
warnings & other: none i just love him but let’s be honest who doesn’t, this gets cheesy in some parts bc he just gives off stereotypical kdrama bf vibes but guys he’s the one
w/c: round to 1k
ok first off
sorry if i rant soobin is my baby so ofc i think he’s the perfect boyfriend
he’s so
ugh
ok when you meet him he’s a shy boy
like really won’t wanna look you in the eye
ok like super fucking awkward
like painfully and you’re like “hahah ok that’s cute”
that only applies if you look intimidating tho
if you’re one of those people who’s blessed with not having resting bitch face he’ll be flirty
well you know..
he has his own methods of being flirty
he’s charming in his own way
probably does what yeonjun does but more subtle
stares
will stare at you
and when you make eye contact he smiles and rubs his lip with his finger DJSJSKDK PLZ
alternatively: looks away, purses his lips with a smile, ears get red, looks back up to you already looking at him then he waves
youre left like
“omg he’s so fucking cute”
ok but actually like he will reel you in without you even knowing
next thing you know you’re laughing at his lame ass jokes
god forbid you think he’s funny
“you think I’m funny? well we should date” :)
wait im pretty sure he said he doesnt go after someone unless he knows they like him back
tbh he’d probably wait until you make the first move
or wait until you show interest or else he’ll just hide his feelings
you have to bring him out of his shell
once you do...oh boy
100% never leaving you alone
always telling you how much he loves you
he’s the sweetest
teeth rotting sweet
i feel like he would slowly open up to you during the relationship
he’s not like automatically into it if that makes sense
shy to initiate things at first
such as kissing and touching
asks you if it’s ok first
we love consent
free samples kind of guy
dont take him to an ice cream shop or shops in general
he will devour the free samples
next thing you know you’re leaving with goat cheese and the newest ice cream flavour
he gives hopeless romantic vibes
would want to bake with you in the kitchen
and i know this sounds cliche but
flour fight
he’s cute with it at first
just rubs some flour on your nose then next thing you know
“we turned our dog white”
he’s a simple man
however
he probably spoils you
but not like expensive item type of spoiling he isn’t extravagant
god forbid the price range of any of the items he buys you exceeds his actual paycheck
cute gifts that you’ll actually use and cherish
i dont see many fights happening with him tbh
maybe if you question his leadership choices then i can see a fight happening
for example if you think he couldve handled a situation better in a certain way and you point that out to him he’ll get all defensive
“im the leader of my group dont tell me what you think is best for my group”
then you’re just like “well shit fuck you too i was just tryna help”
i can see him distancing himself after a fight if you’re also feeling a bit aggitated
doesn’t talk to you until it’s literally 2am and neither of you are sleeping bc yall always cuddle and you’re not cuddling him
:(
he’s always the first one to say sorry
my god he makes fun of you so much
not on a beomgyu level though
more of a “if you say something silly i will make you feel so dumb for the rest of the day” kind of clowning
wow jealousy
i feel like he’s not super jealous unless he feels threatened
everything was fine until the fire nation attacked
once he sees you getting a little too buddy buddy with someone else he’s like nah i gotta shut this shit down
he’s humble but once he’s jealous he’s all braggy to make himself seem above who ever was trying to get at you
“yeah i think we ALL-”
boy do you have to comfort this big baby
he’s sensitive :(
hold him and rub his head on his off days
tell him he’s the best boy and it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks screw them
he laughs like
“shouldnt i be comforting you?”
soooooooooo sappy
cliche asf boyfriend
buys you flowers
if he could he would be doing the whole radio outside your window thing (side note: yeonjun would too be he’s whipped asf)
college bf (we saw it coming)
see also: college bf who helps you in what he can and tells you to screw math bc you don’t need it anyways
shows up at your school or job after his practice
everyone loves him
everyone
you gotta be on guard 24/7
i wouldnt say you’d be insecure per se but soobin definietly lacks awareness when it comes to being flirted with
he recognizes others advances but laughs awkwardly, forgetting to tell the person he already has a partner
~cue mild argument~
at the end of it all he’s like “dont worry i only like you jeez”
if he’s working on a song he asks for your input
or rather how would you interpret a certain emotion that he isn’t able to convey
just to joke around, if he has to write a song about heartbreak but neither of you have been through that he’ll be like
“well there’s a first for everything :)”
soobin 100% takes the time to learn about your culture
he’s invested what can i say
introducing you to the other members isn’t THAT bad
but they definitely clown soobin
txt: “how come your partner is cooler than our own leader”
“maybe they should lead us instead” (joke)
soobin’s like fuck yall i can be cool :(
always send you cute selfies
with messages along the lines of
“i miss you :((((”
“bring ice cream on your way back!”
“be safe tho xxx”
he gives embarassing dad vibes
you can’t introduce him to your friends !
since he has you around he isn’t too shy and once he engages in conversation you better pack your bags
he’s trying to be funny (keyword: trying) but really it’s just your friends laughing to not make the hot idol bf not feel bad
you help him with his script for music bank
speaking of music bank
yes, yes, you are clowning him like the rest of txt and he comes home like
“not you too :(((((((”
hueningkai
my goodness hueningkai
yall tussle over soobin’s attention
sometimes it feels like youre sharing soobin with kai
you love them both but youre like “kai sweetie it’s cold and i wanna be the one to cuddle my bf so please”
speaking of cuddles
best cuddles
ones where he’s wearing a really comfortable sweater that’s actually nice material and your face gets buried in his chest
his limbs will be tangled in yours no doubt
but wow he’s so warm you almost never wanna let go
they don’t call him “home” for nothing
tall boy
makes fun of you if you’re shorter than him
yes he does tease you by placing items on higher-than-you-can-reach shelves
kick his shins he’ll give in
you: ”hows the weather up there”
him: “nice actually but you wouldnt know now would you :)”
tell him your problems, tell him anything
he will listen
and i mean let-you-ramble-for-hours kind of listen
but at the end of it his input is always valuable and he isn’t judgemental
he’s a good listener and gives good advice!!!
he’s not the leader for no reason put some damn trust in him!
#choi soobin#soobin#soobin imagines#fluff#soobin reactions#soobin drabbles#soobin drabble#soobin fluff#txt imagines#drabble#tomorrow x together imagines#txt headcanons#soobin headcanons#txt reactions#txt scenarios#soobin timestamps#soobin fic#soobin x reader
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Hi. You made a post a couple of days ago about how queer historical fiction doesnt need to be defined only by homophobia. Can you expand on that a bit maybe? Because it seems interesting and important, but I'm a little confused as to whether that is responsible to the past and showing how things have changed over time. Anyway this probably isn't very clear, but I hope its not insulting. Have a good day :)
Hiya. I assume you're referring to this post, yes? I think the main parameters of my argument were set out pretty clearly there, but sure, I'm happy to expand on it. Because I'm a little curious as to why you think that writing a queer narrative (especially a queer fictional narrative) that doesn't make much reference to or even incorporate explicit homophobia is (implicitly) not being "responsible to the past." I've certainly made several posts on this topic before, but as ever, my thoughts and research materials change over time. So, okay.
(Note: I am a professional historian with a PhD, a book contract for an academic monograph on medieval/early modern queer history, and soon-to-be-several peer-reviewed publications on medieval queer history. In other words, I'm not just talking out of my ass here.)
As I noted in that post, first of all, the growing emphasis on "accuracy" in historical fiction and historically based media is... a mixed bag. Not least because it only seems to be applied in the Game of Thrones fashion, where the only "accurate" history is that which is misogynistic, bloody, filthy, rampantly intolerant of competing beliefs, and has no room for women, people of color, sexual minorities, or anyone else who has become subject to hot-button social discourse today. (I wrote a critical post awhile ago about the Netflix show Cursed, ripping into it for even trying to pretend that a show based on the Arthurian legends was "historically accurate" and for doing so in the most simplistic and reductive way possible.) This says far more about our own ideas of the past, rather than what it was actually like, but oh boy will you get pushback if you try to question that basic premise. As other people have noted, you can mix up the archaeological/social/linguistic/cultural/material stuff all you like, but the instant you challenge the ingrained social ideas about The Bad Medieval Era, cue the screaming.
I've been a longtime ASOIAF fan, but I do genuinely deplore the effect that it (and the show, which was by far the worst offender) has had on popular culture and widespread perceptions of medieval history. When it comes to queer history specifically, we actually do not know that much, either positive or negative, about how ordinary medieval people regarded these individuals, proto-communities, and practices. Where we do have evidence that isn't just clerical moralists fulminating against sodomy (and trying to extrapolate a society-wide attitude toward homosexuality from those sources is exactly like reading extreme right-wing anti-gay preachers today and basing your conclusions about queer life in 2021 only on those), it is genuinely mixed and contradictory. See this discussion post I likewise wrote a while ago. Queerness, queer behavior, queer-behaving individuals have always existed in history, and labeling them "queer" is only an analytical conceit that represents their strangeness to us here in the 21st century, when these categories of exclusion and difference have been stringently constructed and applied, in a way that is very far from what supposedly "always" existed in the past.
Basically, we need to get rid of the idea that there was only one empirical and factual past, and that historians are "rewriting" or "changing" or "misrepresenting" it when they produce narratives that challenge hegemonic perspectives. This is why producing good historical analysis is a skill that takes genuine training (and why it's so undervalued in a late-capitalist society that would prefer you did anything but reflect on the past). As I also said in the post to which you refer, "homophobia" as a structural conceit can't exist prior to its invention as an analytical term, if we're treating queerness as some kind of modern aberration that can't be reliably talked about until "homosexual" gained currency in the late 19th century. If there's no pre-19th century "homosexuality," then ipso facto, there can be no pre-19th-century "homophobia" either. Which one is it? Spoiler alert: there are still both things, because people are people, but just as the behavior itself is complicated in the premodern past, so too is the reaction to it, and it is certainly not automatic rejection at all times.
Hence when it comes to fiction, queer authors have no responsibility (and in my case, certainly no desire) to uncritically replicate (demonstrably false!) narratives insisting that we were always miserable, oppressed, ostracised, murdered, or simply forgotten about in the premodern world. Queer characters, especially historical queer characters, do not have to constantly function as a political mouthpiece for us to claim that things are so much better today (true in some cases, not at all in the others) and that modernity "automatically" evolved to a more "enlightened" stance (definitely not true). As we have seen with the recent resurgence of fascism, authoritarianism, nationalism, and xenophobia around the world, along with the desperate battle by the right wing to re-litigate abortion, gay rights, etc., social attitudes do not form in a vacuum and do not just automatically become more progressive. They move backward, forward, and side to side, depending on the needs of the societies that produce them, and periods of instability, violence, sickness, and poverty lead to more regressive and hardline attitudes, as people act out of fear and insularity. It is a bad human habit that we have not been able to break over thousands of years, but "[social] things in the past were Bad but now have become Good" just... isn't true.
After all, nobody feels the need to constantly add subtextual disclaimers or "don't worry, I personally don't support this attitude/action" implied authorial notes in modern romances, despite the cornucopia of social problems we have today, and despite the complicated attitude of the modern world toward LGBTQ people. If an author's only reason for including "period typical homophobia" (and as we've discussed, there's no such thing before the 19th century) is that they think it should be there, that is an attitude that needs to be challenged and examined more closely. We are not obliged to only produce works that represent a downtrodden past, even if the end message is triumphal. It's the same way we got so tired of rape scenes being used to make a female character "stronger." Just because those things existed (and do exist!), doesn't mean you have to submit every single character to those humiliations in some twisted name of accuracy.
Yes, as I have always said, prejudices have existed throughout history, sometimes violently so. But that is not the whole story, and writing things that center only on the imagined or perceived oppression is not, at this point, accurate OR helpful. Once again, I note that this is specifically talking about fiction. If real-life queer people are writing about their own experiences, which are oftentimes complex, that's not a question of "representation," it's a question of factual memoir and personal history. You can't attack someone for being "problematic" when they are writing about their own lived experience, which is something a younger generation of queer people doesn't really seem to get. They also often don't realise how drastically things have changed even in my own lifetime, per the tags on my reblog about Brokeback Mountain, and especially in media/TV.
However, if you are writing fiction about queer people, especially pre-20th century queer people, and you feel like you have to make them miserable just to be "responsible to the past," I would kindly suggest that is not actually true at all, and feeds into a dangerous narrative that suggests everything "back then" was bad and now it's fine. There are more stories to tell than just suffering, queer characters do not have to exist solely as a corollary for (inaccurate) political/social commentary on the premodern past, and they can and should be depicted as living their lives relatively how they wanted to, despite the expected difficulties and roadblocks. That is just as accurate, if sometimes not more so, than "they suffered, the end," and it's something that we all need to be more willing to embrace.
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Hi!
I really enjoyed your post on Louis’ fashion! Do you think you could show some of your favorite pieces? Love your blog. Thank you.
Hello!! im glad u like my blog even tho im not very active heh and Louis’ fashion is one of my fav things to talk abt so thank u for this ask dfiojdkf an excuse to rant abt louis and his impeccable taste :D
i generally love...EVERYTHING louis wears in pap pics and when hes not being styled by someone else, txf era was probs one of my fav fashion eras of his and i absolutely LOVE his shoe collection, a DREAM for someone like me whod choose a pair of fresh trainers over... nearly anything else lmfao but here we go ill show u my fav pieces that i can find on ltfa (my source of fashion inspo) xx
my fav tracksuit from louis. his mind amazes me the way he paired kappa with mastermind and it flows so seamlessly as if its a coord BC HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING WITH THOSE SIDE STRIP LOGOS LIKE???!?!?!?! BIG BRAINS ONLY! hes just so fkn creative with the way he puts stuff together its never throwing random shit on its always a meticulously detailed outfit
this toweling/teddy half zip. need i say more? the burberry logo is SO FKN COOL ugh i love all his burberry pieces i love how loyal he is to certain designers like stella, burberry, ami paris, mastermind hes got so many of their pieces hes so cute i bet he buys the entire collection if he likes one piece fjdkfsh
see also this polo fleece jumper (at this point we know louis loves his teddy style jackets, hes complimented fans on theirs too hes just too precious!! a cuddle bug)
this fred perry knit bc the colour is gorgeous on him and fred perry is just so gay yk?
THIS JUMPER... LITERALLY WANT IT SO BAD ITS SO MFKN CUTE
back to burberry... louis and burberry are a match made in heaven just look at this! louis has a few jackets and tops in this “patchwork” or redone kind of style! hes worn alot of pieces like it including a VERY GAY SHIRT which i will have to look for a post later but ig u can say baby likes his redone one of a kind stuff hes so darling
this tshirt for no reason other than its a cool fucking print and i want it rly bad. louis’ collection of graphic tees is BEAUTIFUL ugh i also love the kodak shirt, the newyork tourist shirt, the we are the weather tshirt, the honey bee shirt... THERES SO MANY ooh also the black band tee with the blue print on it he wore with a denim jacket and trackies once infront of that pink wall...cant seem to find it but i adore his tshirts so much!! we need an insiders view of his shoes and tees collection so bad
THIS SWEATER... i loved it when he wore it on txf and fell in love with it even more when he wore it on a night out and took pics with fans ughhh i love when he repeats outfits he wore for photoshoots or events bc u can rly tell he loved the piece and kept it for his personal wardrobe it makes me so happy for some reason dskfjs (also this is alexander fkn mcqueen louis’ insane hes such a fashion girl istg)
NOW THIS... THIS SWEATER EVERYONE HATES FOR SOME REASON BUT I FKN LOVE IT I WISH WE HAD BETTER PICS IN IT BC COME ON MISS CHER HOROWITZ MY COUNTRY CLUB PRIVATE PREP SCHOOL DADDYS GIRL THIS IS SO FKN CUTE?????
ugh am i making this too long? these arent even my MOST fav pieces bc ltfa is too much to get thru... but this is one of my fav outfits, days and pap pics EVER i loveeee him in ami and this cute lil heart coord is so precious
i also obvs love the classic fashionista louis moments like the burberry shirt under the maroon jumper with the boyfriend jeans and the af1s or the japan socks versace jacket and adidas cropped slim trackies and all those but ig those are pretty obvs! i cld go on and on and on and on abt my fav louis outfits but ill stop here. also, certain ppl seem to completely undermine louis’ fashion sense and think he doesnt venture out alot or some bullshit like that but louis’ style is subtle, cute, always trendy, always attainable, androgynous and classic. he includes cute colours, hearts and flowers, cool prints and graphics and messages in outfits that u can tell took time to put together bc of the sheer attention to detail from the collar on his jumper to the laces on his platform trainers he never misses when it comes to serving looks!
#these obvs arent all my fav outfits kjfshs#but the first couple of my favs i found going thru ltfa hehehe#thanku for thisask#slide into my dms if u wna talk abt this in depth and scream abt lashion!
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HEADCANONS!!! ABT ANYTHING!!!!
...
SO,
Pearl is a certified GAMER but will literally TRACK YOU DOWN AND BEAT YOU TO A PULP AND USE YOU IN HER ORANGE JUICE if you play league of legends
My version of Pearl (overrift) is like...really good fucking friends with krit. like. besties. they text eachother all the time and half of the time the texts dont even make sense its just screaming
Pearl will spend their ENTIRE LIFE SAVINGS for someone in need- like theyll donate a SHIT TON of money to people in need
Pearl will MESS UP THE LETTERS ON A SIGN TO BE FUNNY BUT NO ONE WILL FIND IT AMUSING AT ALL
callie will sing when theyre in trouble..like. THEYLL SING IF THEYRE IN DANGER OR IF THEYRE GUILTY OF SOMETHING
callie and marie fight over food all the fucking time. literally
pearl has tried to teach krit how to cook but has failed because he has bad luck cooking in general so he sets the kitchen on flames even if he pours water in a CUP ITLL SET ON FIRE SOMEHOW
Callie, when wearing the hypnoshades, will actually be..suprisingly honest with some hidden feelings if you get her to talk about them. Since she's worn them more, i feel as if she'd remember some stuff from her non-hypno state, but..like. shallowly. She'll be able to remember the feelings.
Hypno callie, on her own, is highly mischievous, and will do stuff like writing graffiti on walls, messages, and even messaging people to do a "little bit of trolling" in her words.
Callie hates the dark, and completely silent places. She gets really paranoid being alone.
and now about some splatoon and non splatoon ocs/characters,,
Cherry, My octoling girl, is very immature, and is very childish when it comes to arguments and serious situations. She will NOT be afraid to get physical..or scream and cry, having a meltdown.
Cherry loves sweets, but loves fruits and carbonated drinks the most.
As you might of guessed, cherry loves cherry flavored things! And cherries.
Cherry HATES orange and lemon or limed flavored things.
Cherry, while not seeming like it, is very protective over her close friends and family. Even if she hates you...if you're apart of her family, she'll fight with her LIFE to protect you.
Cherry likes heavy metal, and lullabies. Those are her two favorite genres of music.
Cherry's least favorite type of music is Country and ANY break up songs. She thinks they're stale, annoying, and unoriginal. But..she does like tide goes out.
Krit can do things very fast, but can sing the fastest. If he gets a good start and is progressively singing faster instead of immediately singing fast, he can reach past the speed of sound because of his determination.
Krit can change outfits from the events of his ARC, and because of this, he can now wear clothes without ruining them!!! Yay!!! :D
Krit LOVES rock and 80s music, but HATES country music with a burning passion. He'll listen to pop music, though..if its a specific type.
Krit loves chirpy chips. Thats. His favorite splatoon related band honestly. Him and cherry listen to them a lot,,
Krits top 3 fears, not in a specific order are: Not being remembered, Losing people he loves/people leaving him for "someone better", and the song "All I want for Christmas is You".
Krit knows Japanese, English, Some inkling, and more octoling than inkling. He's learning to understand cherry better.
Krit..has bad experiences with inklings, which is why he favors octolings more, despite not knowing their past actions, but APPARENTLY knowing the hypnoshades are bad.
Krit was so determined to teach callie a lesson once about the dangers of the hypnoshades, that he, and marie, put them on to show them how they were bad...but..things went wrong, and ever since then, he's had ear piercings. He doesnt mind them, though, because he actually likes them!...and callie never learned anything from that event.
Toon Link loves to draw, as he thinks its the best way to express himself and relieve stress alone. Some of the drawings are..kind of..concerning to look at, though.
Ever since Link was taken in by Krit and Sonya, he's been able to develop a strong personality, and also, have a chance at a proper childhood. However, his mind thinks otherwise, as..he might be a bit TOO focused on being "the hero".
Link claims to be "The Hero" a lot, but mostly in his..'Hero' state. Its unknown why this happens, but it could be because of his past trauma and other things. Especially since he has high expectations for himself.
Despite a lot of this, he is very childish. He tends to cry a lot when holding in a lot of emotion, as he tends..to hold it in until he cant anymore.
Link wants more friends desperately. He wants to be viewed normally.
Link isolates himself a lot after previous events of being told how he causes problems and people to get hurt. It isnt stated outright, but he tends to take it that way, and to heart.
Link likes to dress in a girly style sometimes, as he says it "defines his creative mind".
Link enjoys all types of music, but favors orchestra over most, rivaling with pop music.
Link is THE HERO.
thank you for reading through this!!! and thank you for the ask,,,!!! :D
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