#not intentionally just something i noticed i do nowadays
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Hey bestie
If the slot is still open can I have any form of Dwayne fluff. I’m back on my bullshit again and that bullshit is just the lost boys once more 🧡
Each Night Before You Go To Bed
(I really don’t do song based fics, this song just gives the vibes of what I’ve written, enjoy)
Of course I can write you some Dwayne Fluff! Hope you love this!
Dwayne x GN Reader
Warnings: some mentions of future child raising (but intentionally “raising” instead of “having” so reader could be whatever sex)
Dwayne’s arm hung around your shoulder, his finger laced loosely with yours. His thumb rubbed gently over your skin, a gesture so natural he barely realized he was even doing it anymore.
You spent every night together nowadays. Neither of you could stand being apart for very long. Dawn was agony, but you were thankful for every dusk that came with the promise of your lover gracing your doorstep. You’d never understood the “madly in love” cliche before Dwayne, but you got it now. Truly, madly, deeply.
As you walked along the boardwalk, intertwined, a thrift store caught your eye. You nudged your shoulder gently, prompting Dwayne to gaze down at you, a small smile tugging at his lips.
“Can we go in there?” You pointed with your free hand and Dwayne followed the path of your finger before nodding. “Sure baby.”
You smiled softly, tugging him along with you as you entered the store.
You’d been meaning to check out Artifact for ages on Marko’s recommendation, he’d always had great luck with the pieces here.
You squeezed Dwayne’s hand gently as you disentangled from his embrace, leaving him to browse as you flipped through the racks.
A couple minutes later, when you’d found some things to try out, you glanced around to check on your boyfriend.
Your eyes scanned the store, and once they settled on Dwayne, your face twisted in confusion. He was starring intently at something, you couldn’t quite see, on the shelves.
Curious, you crept around quietly to catch a glance of what he was so fixated on. When you peeked over his shoulder, your heart melted.
Dwayne had been starring at a pair of baby tennis shoes. He didn’t even notice you come to his side he was so lost in thought as he stared.
“Whatcha thinking about?” You asked, resting your head on his shoulder and whispering in his ear.
He tensed for a second, then blushed. Actually blushed. You’d never seen him do that before.
“Nothing baby, just uh…got a little distracted,” he smiled sheepishly before taking the clothes from your hands. “Did you want to try these on?” He’d brushed off the subject but you weren’t quite ready to move on.
You gave him a knowing look before reaching around to pick up the shoes. “Let’s get these too,” you suggested.
His eyes widened as his cheeks flushed again, “what would we do with them?”
You grinned, “I don’t know, I just thought we might need ‘em someday.”
The corners of Dwayne’s lips turned up into a bright smile, causing you to smile as well. How had you never noticed he had dimples before? For a tall, dark and handsome creature of the night, he was adorable. You stood on your tiptoes to kiss his nose, causing his cheeks to flush for the third time that night.
He grabbed the shoes almost reverently, smiling to himself and wrapping his arm around you.
“C‘ mon baby, I wanna see how these look on you,” he gestured to the pieces you’d picked, still held in his other hand, as he led you towards the fitting rooms.
After leaving the thrift store the two of you wandered to your favorite spot on the beach.
It was completely deserted, save the two of you. Just the way you liked it.
You leaned against his bare chest, his right arm snaked around your waist in a comforting embrace.
When he’d told you he was a vampire, back before you’d started dating, you’d thought he’d be freezing. No blood circulation and all that.
But every time he held you, you never felt more warm. You leaned your head back to rest on his shoulder, looking up at him fondly.
He smiled softly, leaning down to press his soft lips to yours.
“I love you you know?” he whispered.
You smiled brightly, “don’t get all soft on me because I’m gonna raise a kid with you one day.”
He frowned slightly, his brow furrowing as he shook his head.
“I don’t love you because of that,” he started, “I’d love you no matter what you wanted.”
He moved his head to rest against yours, “I don’t love what you can do for me baby, I love you.” He sighed, his eyes closing blissfully, “I love you more than anything.”
Your eyes watered and you turned your head to kiss his cheek. “I love you just as much,” you assured him. “I can’t imagine my life without you.”
“I wish I couldn’t,” he mused, his brow furrowing “had to wait a long time for you to come around.” He nudged you, “good thing you were worth it.”
You giggled, “no more lonely nights for either of us hmm?”
He nuzzles your nose with his, “never again,” he kissed your cheek, “what a privilege it is to be yours.”
You could feel your entire face flush bright red. “What’s with you tonight Mr. Romantic?” you teased.
He laughed softly, your favorite sound. “Just happy,” he told you.
You moved to loop your arms around him, “me too.”
Dawn was quick approaching as Dwayne dropped you off at your apartment. Your least favorite part of the night.
When the two of you reached the front door, his hands slid to your waist. He pulled your hips in gently as your hands snaked around his shoulders.
He leaned down to capture your lips in a passionate kiss. You mewed into his mouth, one of your hands moving to tangle in his gorgeous hair.
You felt him smile against your lips as you stroked his hair. His hand moved up from your hip to your back, pulling you impossibly closer as his tongue slid into your mouth.
After awhile, you pulled away reluctantly. You wished you could keep going, but you’d hate to find yourself making out with a pile of ash.
You reached up to caress his cheek softly. He turned his head, his eyes closing as he kissed your hand.
“See you as soon as the sun goes down?” he asked.
You pressed one last chaste kiss to his lips, “and not a moment later.”
Taglist❤️ (comment to be added):
@6lostgirl6 @misslavenderlady @gothamslostboy @crustyboypix @ghoulgeousimmaculate @sad-ghost-of-garbage @anna1306 @chiefdirector @dwaynedelight @dwaynesluscioushair @its-freaking-bats @kurt-nightcrawler @ria-coolgirl @solobagginses @vampirefilmlover @vxarak @arenpath @bitchyexpertprincess @lostboys1987girl @arbesa-mind @softchonk @f4iryfxies @walmart-cereal @rynsfandomsfun @katerinaval @fraudfrog @memphiscity69
#the lost boys#the lost boys fic#tlb#tlb 1987#the lost boys 1987#dwayne lost boys#lost boys#lost boys dwayne#the lost boys dwayne#tlb dwayne#dwayne tlb#vampires#vampire fic#dwayne x reader#Dwayne x GN reader#Dwayne x human reader#Dwayne#lost boys 1987#fluff#lost boys fluff
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Is Yana losing interest in Black butler?
This is something I've been seeing for the last couple of years. A lot of people, especially after the most recent chapter (210), are saying that yana has lost interest in black butler and that it is apparently evident. While no one knows for certain if she has actually lost interest in it, I would like present some of my thoughts as to why I don't think she has lost interest in it.
First of all though, why are people saying that she has lost interest?
It has to do with a the slow pacing of the story which has been a complaint for a long time now. The chapters typically don't have more than 20 pages nowadays and the most recent one had only 11 (9 if you don't count the chapter cover). It's frustratingly slow and always ends with another little cliffhanger.
Naturally a lot of people are fed up and lose motivation to continue reading it monthly since it feels like we're barely advancing with the story and because of this slow pace, people are saying that yana doesn't have any motivation to continue it further.
Now the reason why I think the pacing is so slow is because of twisted wonderland, the game she is in charge of. She is responsible for the main concept, scenarios, character designs and also creates most of the art in the game herself. That's a lot of work she has to do, especially if you consider that she's also working on black butler.
The number of pages a chapter have started dropping since the blue memory arc. From what I've seen, a lot of the pages back then started to have only 20 pages and the drop to the 10-20 pages seemed to have become a thing around the start of the blue revenge arc. And since then the number of pages is different depending on what happens in the chapter. We already had a 9 pages chapter back in 167 so it's not that she goes increasingly lower with the pages number.
The blue revenge arc started in 2019 and considering that's also the year that the game twisted wonderland got announced, I think we all can think of why the pages number started to drop.
So to me it doesn't look like that she's intentionally keeping the pace slow because she lost motivation, it's because she already has a lot of work to do with twisted.
I've seen someone say: "but why doesn't she go into hiatus if it is so much work? Wouldn't it be better if she put black butler in hiatus to work on twisted and then later return to finish it properly?"
Well she could certainly do that but you have to consider that twisted wonderland is a gacha game. Gacha games require continuous content even long after the main story ended. Events that can draw in the players to continue playing and pull for the characters or cards they like.
So if she were to put black butler in hiatus to focus on twisted, it would be a very long hiatus, one that she would probably not get out of unless she handed her job to someone else.
Now onto the chapters itself. While the pace is indeed very slow, one thing that I've noticed is that she puts more effort into the chapters art. And I don't mean the characters, they of course look great.
I'm talking about the backgrounds.
Back then, a lot of the pages had blank backgrounds with a certain few having a little background. Of course there were also a lot of pages with very beautiful and detailed backgrounds but I'm talking about the smaller ones.
While the newer chapters still have a lot of blank backgrounds, they do feature more panels with a background than the old ones did
There several panels in the new chapters where I would have bet that the yana could have put a blank background but she didn't.
So while the pacing is still slow, the chapters have a lot more detail art wise in my opinion. That alone says to me that she didn't lose interest in black butler.
There's probably more that I could talk about that I will later notice but I don't want to make this post too long.
Please remember, this is just my opinion.
I'm not trying to excuse the slow pace of the chapters by the way, I'm just as frustrated as everyone else. I'm just providing some of my thoughts as to why I don't think yana has lost interest in black butler
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Your analysis has been really interesting to read through, but ngl the whole mess around text interpretation has led me to ruminate on the fandom's doings a little. This probably will turn into disjointed ramblings, so please bear with me.
What I think is causing this cognitive dissonance is exactly that cutesy framing of some of Eggman and Sage's moments. Like, I don't believe that Sage was intentionally made to soften Eggman up or something, I believe that he can play the "family" act to keep her loyal to him. However, I won't deny that during my watch of a friend playing it, this specific framing left a slightly weird aftertaste, which I now see is what can easily cause so many misinterpretations of the scenes. Like, for example, the memo with Sage's pronouns. After seeing a lot of talk around the memos in general, what seems to throw people off from thinking that Eggman could be just using this as yet another play into her view of him as her father to keep her loyal is "why does he suddenly care about endearing himself to his own creation when he freely disregarded his previous creations". It can be interpreted in character, but there's just a smidge of off-ness that can be hard to wash out for some.
Not gonna lie, I kinda envy the ability of people like to at least mostly ignore the majority of the fandom's shenanigans and drama, cause I think that also plays a part imo, specifically this weird need to somehow ingratiate Sonic as a series to the mainstream, generally non-fan crowd. Like, the onus obviously should be on the people who misinterpret the text and see what's not there, yet these people also tend to be the loudest. And most non-fans seeing it just assume that's what the fandom as a whole thinks, and that's what the text actually is about. After all, nowadays Sonic is all but advertised as "its a kids game for babies so don't think about the story too much, it doesnt make sense in the end anyway", even by fans trying to genuinely recommend the series sometimes. And you'd think that there'd be pushback against this sort of mentality, but somehow, a majority of the Sonic fandom remains almost... defeatist? Like, either they can't argue to save their lives or just passively accept the misinformation. The people actually doing the analysis and all get disregarded as no-life nerds and are told that "no amount of analysis can make a product worth the money".
It's just... I dunno how or why or when it all started going like this, but at some point, the way people talked about media in general just caused immensely screwed. Discussions only seem to happen when someone wants to further validate their pre-established biases about a thing and it all just feels wrong.
Thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to read and consider my analysis.
We seem to feel quite similarly. I'm not a fan of the cutesy framing of certain moments because it's not my thing and definitely makes it easier for fans to misinterpret. The casual fan, especially if they don't catch all context in the memos and apply them to the scenes to notice the undertones and understand Eggman's side of the dynamic, or if they're the kind who that stuff can appeal to and affect emotionally/they'd rather ignore the more unsettling aspects in discomfort, they're going to get it wrong.
I think the cutscenes mostly have the issue of focusing too much on Sage's side of the dynamic over Eggman's. A bunch of most important details of Eggman's side comes from the memos, which is great from the standpoint of being right from his personal perspective and words, so we get to know exactly how he thinks and feels- but not so great for those who won't listen or piece together what they learned from them with the scenes for needed context.
But Sage wasn't supposed to soften Eggman up. In the story he's still a bad guy wanting to do bad, wishing he could get out of Cyber Space to, and Sage appeals because of what she can do for him, how she's crucial to his survival, supports his desire for world domination and shows undying loyalty. The way some moments are framed as cute doesn't take away from it, a unhealthy dynamic can appear as cute and wholesome with unsettling undertones.
Ian Flynn pretty much describes it that way by saying you're supposed to feel happy for Sage but Eggman is a bad person and warming up to it for all the wrong reasons. It's intentionally more complex than what the loudest people who love and hate it are saying. I can see what Flynn means because all the pieces are there in the actual game for me to point out and analyze. They just could've been emphasized a bit more.
All you need is the memo where he talks about liking how Sage is loyal and efficient and accepting the father role because it can emphasize his genius and the pride he can take as her creator, then apply it to every interaction and you can see it. Eggman can play the act to appeal to Sage's desire for that dynamic and praise her actions as a way to further encourage her for her loyalty and efficiency, all for those selfish benefits.
It's how manipulation works and Eggman absolutely can and will play up the part with these conditions for the benefits, he's done similarly in the past. It's intentionally not done in the common verbal and physical abns!ve way like he does most commonly with his other creations, it's more emotionally manipulative. It makes the most sense for how he wants to further encourage her good work and loyalty, not lose it.
I can get why you felt that way. It's part of why I had the wrong idea of Frontiers Eggman's at first and it ruined my first experience playing it. The cute framing of certain moments, combined with fans taking these scenes and latching onto the misinterpretations from the moment it dropped and drilling into your head how they think we should think and feel while ignoring key details that disprove it, made me believe it for too long.
But had I not seen the misinterpretation and paid attention and did my usual analysis, which I closed my mind to in my first playthrough in ignorance, I would've caught on a lot faster. Just like how knowing what I know now after properly analyzing it then going into Final Horizon and avoiding what fandom was saying, made my experience more pleasant and let me think and interpret for myself. The fandom is still mostly to blame.
Yeah, the cute moments can give the wrong idea when you don't have all the context. But the context is in the game to piece together and understand why it's happening in a way that works for Eggman's character. I also think while he is of course playing the act, it's also framed cute as it is because we're seeing it more from Sage's side in the scenes, as it's a very different vibe in the memos where it's actually Eggman's side.
Maybe always being able to see the worst in Eggman (positively and affectionately lol 🥰💜) helps but I only see the memos as unsettling now. His creation starts to appear as more of a person to him so he thinks about how he can use it to his benefit by taking pride in his impressive scientific ability to create something so life-like as an artificial creation over the unimpressive traditional organic way he scoffs at and expresses aversion to.
He says if he created life it'd be "loyal and perfectly effective", which is fucked up thing to look for in your child, and says it's specifically because he's the genius creator/father, giving himself all credit and taking pride in her accomplishments as a reflection of his genius. It's selfish, egotistical, creepy, everything a parent shouldn't do. I can see what makes it unsettling in all his words. So many things are wrong with him I love it 😋💘
I really don't have much of an issue with that memo. It's one of the most misinterpreted but it's simply where he starts to realize that almost the whole time he's been calling her a "she" instead of an "it" like the program she was created to be. He actually starts just five after first mentioning her, in memo 13. He subconsciously sees her as a person and refers to her like such that fast due to how human and life-like she is.
Three memos after he's like wait why am I calling it a she? And wonders whether to call her an it like the program she was created to be or a she like he's seeing her as instead. Then another three after comes the disturbing memo about him creating life, so him establishing whether he's going to call her "she" or not leads to him thinking about how he can take pride and credit in her by establishing himself as her genius creator/father.
It's another of those cases where if context is removed it's more likely for people to get the wrong idea, especially if they're the type to be blinded by the cuteness factor but when you have the context of before and after and considering the important terms of why he values her at all with the she's an impressive life-like loyal and efficient creation and her dad is a genius memo, again it makes sense and is in character.
The "she's the best" line is one of the only parts I'd change, he's far too egotistical to say that about anyone else. It doesn't make sense because the whole reason he values her is what she does for him and the pride he can take in her, literally because he sees himself as the best person ever lol. Just specifying what she's the best of, like of his creations or something would've worked, not making it sound like he's saying in general.
But guess what? Apparently it was changed in Japanese in the translation I saw, to say she was just doing great or something lol. It's a case where I can make sense of it in English as her being the best in a specific area can again give himself credit as the creator as he's intentionally supposed to but the word choice was poor. But every time I felt a line should've been changed a bit, the Japanese version had me covered. XD
Back to the point- it's also important to consider that he's praising her in this memo with the important preface of saying that Sage has been crucial to his survival in Cyber Space and listing the ways she has served him well. It's on the condition of him getting something out of it every time. And in memo 19 we know he wants to take pride in her skill and accomplishments and take credit as her creator, so any praise is self praise.
So I can't be mad at the game, I think even in moments that had some level of cuteness factor to appeal to those into that which certainly worked on them, there was established context that made it work and in character, enough to piece it together and understand it. But some people's minds go blank with the "aww so cute" reaction and desire for it to be simply pure and wholesome so they don't think about it any more to do so.
I've been learning to avoid it just by stepping back from fandom because I'm less interested the more I see the drama and bad takes. Now I only see things if I'm forcibly subjected through someone else putting it on my dash/it's recommended/etc. A large majority of fandom is anti canon and literally admit it so I feel like I don't belong in it as a huge fan of it that enjoys celebrating it in my fan creations and discussions.
It suffers from the simplification and sanitization that modern fandom tends to do now, so they can fit all characters and stories into certain boxes and use them as bases to project fan character traits and concepts onto instead of celebrating canon. It makes it more appealing and mainstream and easier to consume by the crowd that stuff succeeds in appealing to. It's to the point it replaces people's memory/idea of it.
So of course from the outside looking in especially, non fans are going to believe that's what the text actually contains, especially since they get exposure to the fandom's twisting of canon and it's drilled into their heads how to think and feel about it by them, before they've even seen the games themselves. Then they find it hard to shut that out and look at the games alone for what they are. That happened to me with Frontiers.
Then of course you have people acting like the series "is just for babies and inconsistent and not good anyway you shouldn't think too hard about it", as if Sega JP especially haven't shown themselves to be incredibly passionate about the stories and characters they write. It is supposed to be that deep lol. And thinking that deeply is a good thing, as if it's better than just shutting our minds off and consume product.
That's why I've allowed myself to think as deeply as I want about Frontiers. I love analyzing every moment and line down to the last word and detail. Regardless of opinion on the concepts and how they were executed, it was intended to be thought about. I don't think it should be considered micro analyzing and thinking too hard about something ever. I'm looking at it in ways official writers have described it to be anyway.
The mentality is popular so there isn't much pushback. Plus I'm starting to see it in both people who say they don't like the games and those who say they're fans so I feel alienated for wanting to think deeper and seeing there can be more than meets the eye with characters and scenes. While clarification can be important so things aren't misinterpreted quite as easily, it's nice for there to be stuff to think about.
Nobody really wants to debate and discuss now. A majority intentionally oppose learning more about the media or hearing out other people. They take the challenging of one's perspective or a disagreement as an argument and act like it's intended as hate from the other person when that's not the case. They're like "I don't want to change my opinion, nobody can convince me, let me enjoy things how I want", etc.
I myself was a bit ignorant at first on the topic of Frontiers. I was convinced I didn't like Eggman's portrayal but it was all based on what fandom was telling me it was and how to feel when the actual game was actually way different. When I finally took suggestions of new perspectives, then shut fandom out and focused solely on canon with my mind open and willing to analyze it again, I saw it in a new light and enjoyed it.
Now some certainly think I'm a low life nerd, as I've been told "it's nice to be a fan until it "becomes serious" and by people saying they don't care what I have to say as if I have to do exactly what they want- because it's bad to be passionate and wanting to think deeply about something I guess. :P I'd rather be doing that than shutting it down. Canon is cool, analysis is good, being passionate and thinking about stuff is fun.
You really hit the nail on the head with that. I've always enjoyed being open minded, analyzing media carefully, hearing out different perspectives, and having discussions. But I made the mistake myself at one point with Frontiers and I regret it because as soon as I realized I almost became what I was against and changed it for the better, it became a lot more enjoyable again. It's always good to stay open minded!
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15 questions, 15 mutuals
Thank you for tagging me @apothecarose 💞
1. Are you named after anyone?
Nope. Although my mom's called Riitta so it's kinda similar.
2. When was the last time you cried?
Yesterday when I looked at this picture.
So basically I cried about Noah and how much I love him. Seems to be a nearly daily occurrence nowadays. 😔
3. Do you have kids?
I have two. My son is 17 and my daughter is 14. And they're the best kids in the whole world.
(yes, I have their permission to post their pics freely and I'm a proud mama so why not)
4. What sports do you play/have played?
Sadly I never played a sport. (I was never into sports or exercise when I was a kid. Really not until after my daughter was born. That's when I started HIIT training and I did it really intensely for several years. Up until my mental illness put a stop to the training. I hit rock bottom with depression and could hardly even get out of bed. I've been mentally in a very good place for a few years now, but sadly haven't managed to pick up training again.)
5. Do you use sarcasm?
I mean.. yeah? Not intentionally, but I'm sure I do.
6. What's the first thing you notice about people?
I'm extremely unobservant unfortunately. I can meet someone and after five minutes not remember anything about them, especially about their appearance. But I think a really radiant and/or warm smile is something that gets my attention.
7. What’s your eye color?
Greyish green.
8. Scary movies or happy endings?
I like both, but happy endings are lovely.
9. Any talents?
Nope. None. lol
10. Where were you born?
In Finland. Same town where I'm currently living. I've been here and there and lived away from here for like fifteen years, thirteen of which in Sweden, but I returned home about eight years ago.
11. What are your hobbies?
No time for hobbies really. Gotta tumblr for several hours every day lmao. I mean, I write, but not very well. I take walks, often in nature. But mostly I just study and work.
12. Do you have any pets?
I have cats, two old ladies called Mimmi and Simba. They're both girls (despite the name) and both 11 years old. I've had them since they were six months old. They are from the same home, from two different litters, born five days apart. So different mothers, father(s) unknown, so they could be sisters. Either way they have always been together.
13. How tall are you?
164 cm which is about 5'4"
14. Favorite subject in school?
Maths and English (as a second language)
15. Dream job?
I don't think I ever had one. I am studying health care and will be a public health nurse when I'm done, but I wouldn't call that a dream job. It's just a job. I gotta do something so that's what I chose so I at least know there's always going to be work for me. But tbqh if I won the lottery, I would never work again. I'm not sure I'd even finish my studies, since I already am a nurse, it's only the specializing studies I'm still doing.
Oh man, am I supposed to tag fifteen people? Ok I'll try @ramonaflow @flowertrigger @a-noble-dragon @jesuisici33 @carolrain @maryp50 @statueinthestone @goodiecornbread @thisbuildinghasfeelings @rmd-writes @rainbowcoloredpalmtrees @jettestar @grapehyasynth @reasonandfaithinharmony @beaiola
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Super late to the party, but if you still feel like doing these... 🍦& 🦅
hi grace!!! anything for you. I am watching a wrestling PPV all day today.
🍦 What's the sweetest fic you've created so far?
oh this is cute lol. I had to go back through my back catalogue, but I think the sweetest, cutest fics I've written are...
I have to live here, because it's established relationship and focuses entirely on how much Sam and dean love each other, and how much effort they put into knowing how to love each other sweetly.
or! talk around it, because it's established relationship relationship weecest, where they're very new to being together and don't know how to be around each other under the weight of their new, suddenly allowed lust.
I wouldn't necessarily pick any of the other ones because there's always an inherent TENSION in getting together that makes it prickly and sticky and not sweet.
🦅 Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?
I outline, however faintly! this wasn't always the case, but I started outlining more concretely lately, because I found I'd get to the end of fics and not know what I was doing there, and I think the difference is palpable.
case in point: I have to live here, and also Living in God's blind spot, were fics where I didn't know how they would end even when I was most of the way through it, and I think it's VERY noticeable. the endings fall totally flat. it feels like they build towards something that doesn't happen.
by contrast: I planned pine sweat to a tee, and I think it feels much more intentionally like the ending was always supposed to happen, and is satisfying. it was necessary with such a long fic, but still. it feels much more complete than the other ones. or, matryoshka dolls had extremely planned scenes too, and I think it feels like a much neater package than the ones where I don't.
so even if it's just point form, nowadays, I make sure I know how it ends before I get too far into the fic. I feel like it comes out much much better when I outline.
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good morning back to the liveblog
anna got her body back without having to kill naomi wtf booooo josh needs blood on his hands. she just. went back into it basically??? ok so she CAN just do the same shit and switch in and out? where did naomi go??
god dammit stop making me want to rewrite this, past me.
also hold on ok i noticed something a little bit interesting that i definitely didnt do intentionally.
when anna is in ghost form, the narration stops being able to like, track her intentions and thoughts and feelings, and likewise when naomi is in anna's body in human form, the narration suddenly knows her thoughts and feelings when it didn't before. that's a really cool idea that i definitely was not thinking about when i was writing, but it's totally there. if i was writing this today i would absolutely emphasize that and make it even more distinct that that is what is going on.
i think its really interesting that i was able to completely accidentally do neat narrative tricks like this when i was 11. nowadays that shit wouldnt happen on accident, i'd have to consciously have the thought, "oh it would be cool if the narrative cant follow ghosts, so when anna's a ghost we no longer know her intentions, but we suddenly DO know naomi's intentions when shes no longer a ghost" but i never had that thought when i was 11. i just did it. unconsciously. what the hell.
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hi huh 🫶 so many good news happened in just a span of one day yesterday, the reaction on X is chaotic so your blog is my safe space!
i love jaehyun's new song! it showed a new color of his vocals, and his lyricism (though i'm not really fluent in korean, i can't say much about it) and the chance for him to be creative and do what he wants. it was nice and refreshing 💛
do the ever supportive "co-worker", posting about every neo solo on his ig each time. it's endearing 🫶 has become a thing for jaedo, they really do have a special connection hehe
nct 2023 announced a few hours after jaehyun's solo, which i would admit a very bad move on sm's part. though i'm excited really, with the return of t7s unit and the upcoming nct concert. but i do notice one thing - where is nct japan unit??
i did my basic google search, lastart will be around 5 eps and this week is the 3rd eps. So 2 weeks more and we have the final lineup for nct's last unit. and it's just right before the nct concert and album release, so i was expecting them to be included in 😔 i feel very bad for these trainees, all these fans doomsaying and planning to boycott any nct activities is just evil they're innocent :( the fandom, at least on twitter is a whole mess, i can only hope that nct 2023 is as successful as the other nct albums. i feel it's safe to hide behind ask and say about this, and i love reading your replies so i hope you don't mind my thought dump haha
i'm also curious about your thoughts on riize? i've been actively following them and they're really good!! all the boys seem promising and i'm shaking with anticipation for new content haha. they just had their first ig live last night, it's cute how shotaro was suspected as the leader since he's leading the group greeting!
link for group greeting -> https:// twitter.com /riizepics/status/1688883426659872768?s=46&t=m039VaKV8OZmu71_7XkSMQ
hope u have a good day and thank u for readinggg 🫶
Hi,
X is like a busy market where everyone hurry, shout and shove others with their elbows, meanwhile small blogs are like bars with regulars.
I can't say much about Jae's lyrics as well. As English is not my native language, I can't even feel how off the English parts are.
Many pop songs don't have intricately crafted lyrics, they just rely on words of association, a few sentences that vaguely paint a scene or describe a feeling, therefore, Jae shouldn't be much worse than the average male singer nowadays, me thinks. He does try to be poetic, describe love taking certain moments in daily life, states of "being/existing" as a starting point (spending time alone in a room, longing; daily life on the road; yearning after parting), which is nice.
NCT2023 album will be released in less than three weeks, there is little time for promotion. If the shops are ready for pre-order, it is time to make the fans know. It's inevitable that announcements overlap, NCTLab is a side project, like SM Classics, not a solo album. Sm moving to NCT2023 doesn't mean the promotion of "Horizon" has stopped. "Forever only" was included in several articles with best songs, there was a remix.
The MV has Mnet 2023.08.03 stamp at the very beginning. Seems like the MV was originally scheduled to be released earlier, on the 3d and not on the 8th?
Fans are quick to say SM does something intentionally to undermine their artists, when oftentimes it's circumstances and SM's lack of staff to properly manage everything. Which should be fixed, for sure.
Let's appreciate that Jae's MV was shot in Italy, has the boyfriend vibe that will give the song a bigger chance to take off, and not in a studio with a few hung lights like Moon Sujin&Taeil's The Moon.
The last unit is scheduled (tentatively) to release the first solo at the end of 2023. The unit need to train together, shoot some promotional content (like NCT LIfe). Quite possible they will start with a showcase in Japan to launch them. It is Riize' time now.
NCT2023 will have merch. And you can't make one for NCT Japan while the members are still unknown. Plus, the fans will hate the new unit for "riding on the coattails". They haven't earned the NCTnation concert yet.
It's OK. SungTaro were accused of every possible evil as well. A couple of years later the same fandom was crying over their departure.
Every NCT album was planned to be boycotted. Didn't happen.
Riize group greeting
I've checked Riize IG and the first track video, I will observe their debut. I have a feeling they will become like WayV for me: I'll tune in only for the albums and won't follow closely. The concept isn't for me. I have no interest in bands and the garage group aesthetics. Seunghan and Shotaro are the only attracting factors, the new members didn't pick my interest. I might as well just subscribe to a Seunghan stan acc to not lose the sight of him.
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Something I think about a lot while reading social media posts is that the world would be a much better place if governments and people stopped spreading information they know is false.
According to this scientific article in Harvard Business Review, https://hbr.org/2009/06/rethinking-trust, humans easily trust what others claim, at least some of the time. Richard Dawkins claims the same in The God Delusion. And seeing how popular conspiracy theories are, and how so many people believe things that have no evidence, I think it seems like humans are not always great critical thinkers.
Also, constantly having to fact check everything takes a lot of energy. It's easier to just take someone's word for it. I hate it when someone makes a claim but doesn't cite a source. I noticed how I have believed many such claims. Some have turned out to be true, others not. But I am more aware of the issue nowadays I'd say, and I try to at least not reblog or spread any information without sources. Because it's so easy for fake information to take hold. And those who spread misinformation intentionally might have bad agendas, or just be plain selfish. Andrew Wakefield is an excellent example of that. (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrew_Wakefield).
That is why I am angry with those who intentionally spread things they know are false. A number of politicians, for example. They take advantage of human trust and that's a shitty thing to do. And the consequences of fake information taking hold can be severe. According to the Wikipedia article about Wakefield that I linked above, the false info he spread lead to less parents vaccinating their children. Which means kids might get life long health issues or even die, just because of fake information.
#unintentionally spreading fake info is another thing and I've been guilty of that#I still notice how much I trust even random people online who I don't even know#as long as the info is something I agree with or want to be true I easily believe it
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i guess “wobbly” isn’t totally the right way to describe what’s going on with my art, a better descriptor might be a sort of “double vision” created through an inevitability turned into an intentionality
(sorry im very sick rn and my sick brain accidentally wrote some barely readable essay about my own artistic techniques orz under da cut)
i think a large part of the reason i gravitate towards drawing analogue vs digital nowadays (ignoring the fact that i have spatial issues and i can keep track of proportions much easier on paper than on a screen) is that like, at least in my experience (growing up on deviantart LOL) traditional art, while being less popular online (at least, growing up on deviantart it was), also allowed way more room for visual mistakes and imperfections than digital art did. i think sometimes, at least for me, having an undo button ended up putting a weird perfectionism on me instead of being a useful tool orz
YOU MAY have noticed my double/triple lines in my linework, especially in long, uninterrupted lines, that’s what i mean by inevitability turned intentionality: its a sort of “line correction” like one would do when doing a rough sketch except for some ungodly reason i do it during my very permanent inking stage LOL jk jk its actually several very good reasons: you know how many artists find their rough sketches look better than their final linework? part of that is because your eyes bring in all the competing sketchy lines together as one cohesive sort of “vibe” of a line, making it look exactly how your brain thinks it should look to be “correct”
another reason is that, going back to the spatial issues, the dysgraphia is inevitable and i will always end up strange, jerky lines no matter the sketch stage or the ink stage, no matter how careful i am no matter how careless, its something that’s stuck with me for 24 years and i can usually write my b’s and d’s without a reference nowadays (the z’s are still questionable) but it’s always present - SO i’ve found, especially in the past couple years, embracing it is vital
hold on, here’s some examples of my double lines:
THIS drawing around the legs is a REALLY clear example lol
you can see what happened, the red lines are what i attempted to draw first, my dysgraphia then caught up to me half way through bringing in those big wobbles, and then i added the blue lines as a sort of corrective buffer
this one had a LOT, the orange lines were likely what were drawn first. you can kind of tell that i tend to ink from the face first because as i get to the body i get more tired and the more corrective lines need to be drawn LOL
of course there’s exceptions: i think with this girl I hadn’t done any warmup sketching (just drawing vague circles and swirls and lines or maybe a blobby creature doodle LOL) and my hands were hashtag unsteady hjdskfjds
of course when i said inevitiability turned intentionality, i do mean that part of it is done intentionally: on purpose. that’s part of embracing it: it really does just look good and feel good to draw like this. like here i can’t remember or tell which lines were drawn first, i just know it felt right where i placed all my doublelines
i think that’s why i had to stop doing digital art for a while, it tends to not be super conducive to this style of drawing, or at least i haven’t quite gotten the hang of it (despite doing digital art since i was 10 LOL). i remember like 90% of the stuff i would draw digitally, instead of letting my doublelines through i would just ctrl+z and redraw the line 3000000 times until it was “perfect” orz a fools errand that created way more work for myself and was nawt great for my drawing health (both physically and mentally very exhausting). i hope someday i can work out some techniques im happy with that make digital art feel as easy as analogue art has become for me
my chosen medium for colouring in traditonal art also helps i think, i originally gravitated towards watercolour because it was faster and easier on the hands than pencil crayons (especially as a person with this many ocs with black and brown hair LOL my pencil crayons were STUBS while the other colours were nearly untouched) but it also allows for you to get SLOPPY with it LOL painting outside the lines feels SO good and right and not painful WOULD RECOMMEND. plus, i think you can see it in my drawing of Su up there with her brown hair, because to build up deeper colours in watercolour i find it easiest to do it in layers + i cant mimic the brushstrokes very easily, i end up with these sort of simple gradations around all my drawings which i think has a similar i-liked-the-rough-sketch-best effect that the doublelines have, the weird aura tricks the brain into filling in the blanks
of course my lineart style is not super conducive for digital art colouring, paintbucket filling this shit is a NIGHTMARE jkgdfldsjhfkds that’s another thing i gotta do a lot of experimentation with..............
anyway WHAT im trying to say is sometimes the best thing you can do for your art is let your arms draw the way they want to. (also im tricking your eyes into seeing the best version of my art with my fuzzy colouring and double-lined inking. bmpmp3′s trick hee hee)
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A friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend of over a year, and when he told me, I wasn't that surprised. But I was surprised that I wasn't surprised. Come to think of it, even though I knew little about their relationship, I'd been expecting this ever since a few months ago someone said "He's really busy nowadays, spending most of his time with his girlfriend," and I was circumstantially aware that they weren't spending all that time together having fun or something.
I guess I'm noticing a pattern. I've heard a woman explain it as "I love being a mother to others, so I always ended up in relationships where I acted as my boyfriend's mom, and was dissatisfied with those relationships until I realized what was going on, and now I intentionally keep separate my dating and my acting as a mother to people in need." By the way, I'm strongly of the opinion that most dating trends are not gendered even if they get expressed in a gendered way, and I and my friend (from paragraph 1) have both found ourselves, as men, in that mother role.
I think a certain kind of person — which includes me and my friend — loves caring for others, and tends to find themselves in a relationship that heavily revolves around caring for the other person, and for a while nothing seems wrong because "they have a lot of needs, and I enjoy caring for others" until they ask themselves — as a therapist asked me — "Do you have any reason you particularly enjoy caring for your girlfriend more than you would enjoy caring for anyone else?" — and realize the answer is no.
This is hard for me to grapple with because I think caring for your spouse when they are in need — more in need than you — is core, not just incidental, to marriage. So if this is supposed to happen in marriage, and one ought to stick with their spouse in it (and most do), why do dating relationships I've seen with that element so reliably fail? I think there are at least a couple things going on.
I don't think this is just a "have you made a lifelong commitment" thing, as if you're "stuck with this person," although the commitment does matter. I think the problem with dating relationships that start with this dynamic is that their whole history has been one of one person caring for the needs of the other, and they don't have any foundation of when they were equally non-needy that helps breed mutual respect which I think is crucial when things in a relationship get hard.
I think the partner with less needs tends struggle with assertiveness/boundary issues. As I was thinking a few months ago, "I doubt my friend is spending that much time with her because he actually wants to." I think it's a red flag when any relationship causes someone to spend significantly less time with their friends/family/community, even if the partner isn't drawing them away on purpose. I wonder if my friend's now ex would actually do better with a man who doesn't spend so much time caring for her from the beginning and really knows how to set boundaries appropriate to the stage of a relationship. Maybe such a man would respect her more. (If it sounds like I just rediscovered the concept of codependence — fine, maybe I have)
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First Person- Cat's Side Story
I am a long-haired black and white cat. There is nothing really special about me, I mean pronoun wise, since everyone seems to ask nowadays. I am an adult. Just barely, anyway. Fine, fine you kiddos always know when someone is saying something wrong. I am old enough to be a grandparent three times over. I never go looking for adventure. Adventure just finds me. I hate being in the spotlight. I hate it so much- it's too bright. Even the big stars let the little stars shine sometimes,- I know, but why does it always have to shine on people who have light sensitivity? Oh? My head tilts at a tabby’s question. You don’t know what light sensitivity is? Hmm… How to explain? Well light sensitivity just means that my eyes can’t handle a lot of light.
A tiny black cat bumshuffles forward “can you tell us the story again? Please?” The tiny cat askes with wide eyes of wonder.
“But you’ve heard it a thousand times.” I replied, faking a whining tone. “Don’t you want to hear a different story?”
“No!” They cry in unison. “We love it!”
“Fine. I will tell it again.” I say with a grin.
“Yay!”
You see, I am a babysitter. A cat sitter,- if you want,- but I assure you that I do not sit on the cats. Not intentionally, of course. Today will mark the eighty-eight anniversary of my old boss’s discovery. It is one of the kids' favorite stories even though it actually happened.
It all started when I was a young adult. I was on the search for a stable job when I remembered where my friend Fox worked. Fox was a shy bushy tailed red fox. He loved adventure and could make anyone smile. Despite being longer than most red foxes, (about the same size of a german shepherd or husky), he always helped others. He also was a natural born leader. The store that he worked at was a tiny one. A tan body, metal roof, and only one floor. Nowadays, you have several floors to go through to get to the grocery section of the store. Times have changed.
“Wasn’t there six sections to the store?” A short haired cat asked.
“Yes, Tommy. There was the deli, meat, bakery, cash, grocery, and produce.”
“And you worked in produce with all the fresh veggies and fruits?” Tommy asked,
I nod my head and continue with “I worked in that department with a blue eyed healer dog.”
“What’s that?” The tabby cat that asked about the question involving light sensitivity interrupted.
“You see, Emma, a healer dog is a type of cattle dog native to Australia. They herd all the cattle,- a group of animals generally shown as sheep in storybooks,- in a group to an area where it is safer for them. Healer dogs generally come in two colors- red or blue but a chocolate coloring may also occur. In the case of my working buddy hea was red with blacking markings-like a mask- with blue eyes.” The kids sit quietly hanging onto every word.
At the beginning, I was curious about everything and anything. So curious in fact that I missed many details. One of these details I noticed much later.
“That was the writing on the tiles- the floorboards?” the tiny black cat that likes to bum shuffle instead of walking asks.
"Yes, although it wasn't writing just a single word located in one of the corners of the tile." The tiles were discolored from age. According to my friend they were once white but the entire time that I worked they were yellow. A muted yellow that you would most likely find on a 1980s sun faded tie-dye shirt. The words were simple-deli, bakery, grocery, produce, cash, backroom. Sometimes the words would repeat as if a hidden message to how to get to certain departments of the store. No one was sure of this though. I was not a simple cat, where once something was found to explain the mystery that the curiosity would fade. Rather, I was the one to find the truth not a logical answer. I asked Dog -the blue eyed healer- what he knew of the writing. The answer was short but did make sense but it did not stop my curiosity. What bugged me the most was why some of the tiles never indicated which department was where- just the name of the department.
On this day particular new items were shipped to the store. Dog stored them in a corner of the store with wrinkles adorning his face, eyes crinkling in thought but a scowl replaced his mouth. Dog then disappeared in search of Cat's friend. A few minutes later, Dog appears with a beautiful red fox with tiny black streaks hugging his mouth in a wavy pattern to match his natural shape of his face. Dog explained to me that Fox will be helping since Dog needed a break. Dog left to go on break leaving Fox and I with a pile of boxes to go through and place the items on the shelves. I noticed that some words were written on the floor. Some of the words were the departments and others were written so small that it was difficult to tell what it said.
I approached Fox with some items to put away, looked around to see if anyone else was around, then asked “why is there writing on some parts of the floor?”
“It’s not just here. I have noticed them throughout the entire store.” Fox explained to me as he has worked in every department.
A big brown gruff looking bear appears with a beeping rectangle tool. He mumbles something that I can not hear as he bends down to scan a barcode with the tool. He then leaves Fox and I alone.
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3.5.23 Sunday
8:58 am
Uncle Jun didn't clean the cage of the puppies or after he went out the puppies just pooped... Well, probably coz normally that is his responsibility to clean the cage and John's mat...
9:36 am
Uncle Jun is fake hahaha He went back and I nicely told him Uncle Jun why didn't you clean the cage and he said I don't know... I said in a good way Uncle Jun that's your responsibility to clean the cage of dogs... And he said I need to go somewhere...
I need a hitman!
As we believed that we are family... Uncle Jun is just a joker angels....
11:31 am
Uncle Jun is now cleaning the cage...
11:58 am
In the nutshell:
Uncle Jun suddenly commenting about RV's company in his room... I told Uncle Jun that's Janna, of course... I told Uncle Jun to respect some privacy sometimes a friend of Janna and him... I never interfere on his private matter unless there will be physical attack there... Our upbringing was conservative-liberated....It doesn't mean you are with the guy in the room, you will do beyond things, we had different upbringing....For the high society and knowing my brother RV was really an intellectual human being... I remember he used to give ferrero rocher to his girl classmates and teachers, equal of my suitors only 1 box of ferrero rocher, that my brother were able to buy 10 or more ferrero box... Funny part that a lot of judgemental people nowadays that didn't know us way back...
My upbringing is really high-society even in a room with a guy or a friend, unless it is mutual things can be friendly or beyond... But no raping on my old guy friends,coz they have pride... But of course it is a case by case...It is of course it depends still on the personality of the guy... I'm also careful on getting guy friends... Special case on a group gathering or special situation...
RV and Janna are still planning for a renovation or to buy a house in Monderin's but not yet...They have plans...
The living room now is my kingdom here and we're having a talk of deal that we need to close our social life here for the meantime...
RV is planning to renovate and me as well...I'm still thinking of money and planning to make a new room here but out of fundings and one factor, money is kinda issue now on getting a bf but not pressuring just a thing that I wanna open and ask as favour...
1:39 pm
In the nutshell:
I still have the windblow trap and I feel fat and ugly... I wanna leave the hometown coz I have no personal success... I wanted to have gluta but hoping a yellow skintone... I wanna look like Barbie so much and I don't wanna push myself on people who cannot take me as the muse and leader... I miss being center...
I appreciate good people at the bottom coz some are good like on the upper part, some are good and some are bad... I just love having xfactor and longing to be in center... I also dream to be a politician wife where I can have my crown as in people will look up to me, like a positive pedestal. I miss dressing-up and in a way I love positive attention... We are all people and we are all grown-up...There is no perfect maturity but hoping to meet good friends again, along the way...
I never wanted to open-up everything but I was spoiled and our lives went down not because I was spoiled... It is because probably it is God's way of telling me that hey! You need to learn things the hard way, you need to comprehend that life is not a bed of roses... That I need to see things beyond goodness and kindness...
4:34 pm
Done, watching this...
But remember angels yesterday I posted something about Uncle DD on my bench hand and body liquid soap and recently my Johnson and Johnson milk and rice liquid soap,that I've noticed that after Uncle DD used our bathroom here the liquid soap,suddenly went down to almost going to half-bottle that it looks like intentionally...
I was thinking about this how it happened? Somebody intentionally did this to the wall of our bathroom shower space...
And I did this right now... I figured it out,someone pump my Johnson and Johnson on the wall... Just like this...
It became 2... Who did it the first one? Uncle DD?
5:29 pm
Drinking coffee and thinking and I still feel fat and ugly... I wanna leave the hometown... I still have the windblow trap...
Want them to know that I'm used to be in the center but I want some good new friends... Coz I must admit in a way I feel intimidated on my old friends who got husband and a kid already and I'm still a loner and jobless...And I want to have my own life with someone coz I can't get progress here and I'm starting to feel jealous on material things and wanna have collagen shots and wanna go to gym but I can't now and wanna do some gluta shots and it is my right to join a dog show to express and show myself even a lil...
But there are some chosen old friends I wanna be with forever coz I know everything about them,their cave and opening...
7:48 pm
I still have the windblow trap...I hate being standard,if they can't accept me, they can just leave me and find other friends not me!!!
I feel fat and ugly...
Done,eating with my baby John....I still want a much more progressive life...
But nobody can beat my new veggies saute on a butter and olive oil. It became my favorite these days...
9:41 pm
Some people are being judgemental on my adobo chicken neck and chicken liver,again I still want my gluta and collagen shots,most specially on my feet... I feel bitterish and sometimes we need healthy art in life...
Not that pricey but healthy in a way coz chicken makes us lively and it is truly yummy...
Don't underestimate the neck with some liver coz it is truly yummy and healthy living...
9:47 pm
I still feel bitter... I'm nice but like what I said I'm supposed to be a politician wife, supposed to be a Kalibo, Aklan Queen... I was once the original and coz of that fucking unfair group everything went wrong..... Supposed to be I'm the come back of that family and it was really weird year 2007 everything change and even my xhusband... I just hate being smash down without a fight... But for old time sake, I need a back-up it still me the Queen coz my status originally was nicely spoiled!
It is ohkay to be friends... Now that I need a back-up coz I was really the original...
It's been 16 years and I'm just on the hanging bridge and time passes us by so quickly....Me? Becoming nothing in this world...
I feel hurt coz I lost circle and follower or my protectors... I always lost my seat... My main point I need a back-up from my xhusband ,their family was the original power of Kalibo,Aklan... But due to changes, coz of years and windblow... I hope me as supposed to be Queen and will just probably return if I can be a super Queen if not hoping that a friendship will be here and I wanna have link for old time sake... I need a back-up... My xhusband should respect me coz he owes me a lot... But I treasure the old stories on my pages... My xhusband surname the real Don, of Kalibo,Aklan....
The story was I was close with Uncle Don and they were Don-Don way back just like the surname of RC who just wanted a recognition...
Well, anyways let's just set-aside the RC thingy coz Shey is here again and she was a sisterhood for me and it is kinda a far story for us here...
Well, let's go back to my supposed to be my crown... I had amnesia and depression so many zig-zags along the way with my xhusband...
I just feel so left-out... I lost a group that I can truly say that is mine.... My xhusband was really tall and handsome and another cousin is also tall....Supposed to be I have twins....I'm a jealous kind Queen!
I told Uncle Joe, yeah! If my xhusband will give me a material things, it is up to him... Though we both know he owes me so much....
I wanted a crown! I feel hurt and bitter and frustrated!!!
I feel fat and ugly....
I just need a back-up and for old time sake... But I must admit, I feel frustrated... A mixed-up! I want recognition, liking the arab man... I know mature xcouple if there is no way to be a super Queen, at least we can still be good friends, along the way....
I'm super jealous and I always want to have my own kingdom... I feel hurt, 16 years too much for nothing....
11:34 pm
I feel bitter...
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Somewhat crazy phenomenon I’ve noticed lately and without a doubt a consequence of the modern internet’s lack of nuance and general inability to mind their own fucking business, um but whenever you see kittens on tiktok nowadays the comments are flooded with “fix your cat” which to be fair is something that should be done every year a looot of little kitties are born and oversaturate the shelters but at the same time, speaking from experience as a life long cat owner, people do not intentionally breed cats in the same intense way that they do dogs like nobody has ever seen one of my cats and asked if I ever considered letting them have babies it’s just not at all the same culture and I would say the majority of litters are accidents like strays that have not been tnr’d kind of accidents every litter I’ve ever raised has been the result of a pregnant stray who happened to come into our lives already heavily pregnant like for the love of god if you actually cared that much you would be donating to your local tnr efforts not being a cunt on the internet
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hi! if requests are open for bucky, i like the concept of him being unsure of himself with reader (not a superhero/avenger, maybe just a mutual friend) and pining after them compared to how easy it was to get dates in the 40s. thank you!
tfatws revived my love for bucky im not ashamed
A/N: tfatws has definitely done the same for me! no shame whatsoever!
Pairing: Bucky x Fem!Reader
Word Count: 2k
Warnings: none
MASTERLIST
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You tore your gaze off of the television before you turned to look at Bucky. His blue eyed stare was trained on you, intense and unwavering. Sometimes it had managed to unnerve you, but you’d gotten used to it over the year you’d known him. He was more than just silent...he was calculating, but it never felt wrong. Waving your hand in front of his face you made a small sound to get his attention.
“Bucky?” you whispered his name softly and that seemed to snap him back into attention as he opened and closed his mouth a few times. Even in the dim lighting of the room you could see that a warm flush of red had crept up in his cheeks, “everything alright?”
“Y-yeah,” he shook his head, more at himself than anything else, a self-annoyed look crossing his features, “spaced out for a minute. What were you saying?”
“I wasn’t saying anything,” you couldn’t help but laugh at him, watching his features soften when he realized you weren’t going to chastise him for zoning out, “I for one was watching the movie, which is more than I can say for you - you should love the Hobbit if you actually read the book when it first came out. And these movies are actually good. Pay attention, Bucky!”
You grabbed one of the pillows off of your couch and lobbed it at his head; but he was quicker, reflexes still sharp and honed after all this time. The corners of his mouth pulled into a smirk as he held the pillow before determining whether or not to throw it back at you. Immediately sensing what he was doing, you shook your head and jumped up, ducking behind the couch.
“What’s wrong, sweetheart, why are you hiding?” you could practically hear the smirk in his voice as you peeked up at him. The nickname rolled easily off his tongue as it caused a shudder to run down your spine. You knew it meant nothing, that it was just something he tended to call people; it was definitely just a thing. It was nothing particularly about you or targeted at you but you couldn’t help but pause. You knew that you wouldn’t have minded if he called you that intentionally. But that could never, ever happen. This was Bucky after all and you were just...you.
“I know your game, Barnes,” you grinned at him, deciding to let the nickname slide, “I’ll call it a truce and we can go to your favorite place to get some dinner. I’ll pay! I’m waving my proverbial white flag.”
“Now there’s an offer I can’t refuse,” he set the pillow back down on the couch as he stood up and raised his hands in surrender. Slowly you raised to your full height, but kept a wary eye on your best friend, “I keep my promises, you know that.”
“Fine,” you agreed as you grinned at him. Bucky’s breath hitched in his throat as he looked you over and he felt his knees go weak momentarily. He could stare at your smile for hours, “get your jacket and let’s go old man.”
He scoffed in jest as you grabbed your shoulders and jacket off the coat rock and motioned for him to follow, “I’m not that old-”
“106? Isn’t that old?” you raised an eyebrow, barely able to contain your giggles as he rolled his eyes dramatically, “just kidding, Bucky. You know I just love teasing you.”
“I am in my 30s,..technically, thank you very much,” he insisted as he slipped on his shoes and you handed him the leather jacket, “don’t push your luck, kid.”
“See,” you grabbed the keys and he opened the door, ushering you out with a hand on the small of your back, “I swear Bucky Barnes, you’ve been an old man since you were a kid. Now let’s go! There’s pancakes with my name on them waiting.”
»»————- ♡ ————-««
Dinner with Bucky was easy...then again, everything with Bucky was easy. Every time you were with him, things just felt natural and normal, conversation and everything flowed freely. You’d met Bucky completely by chance, running into him, quite literally, on the street as you walked out of your favorite coffee shop and proceeded to spill coffee over both of you. He’d been apologetic, claiming it was his fault, but you’d been insistent that it was yours. One thing had led to another and soon enough you became inseparable friends.
Much to his surprise, and delight, you’d never treated Bucky as anything but...Bucky. That’s how you’d met him and that’s all he was to you. Bucky. Of course, he was much more than a friend, at least in your mind, but you weren’t about to divulge that little piece of information. At least not yet. Maybe one day...or not. Probably not. No. You weren’t about to make a fool out of yourself and confess your feelings for a man that saw you as nothing but a friend.
Bucky, always alert and cunning, had noticed you’d become quiet throughout dinner as you both ate in silence. Normally he wouldn’t question it, but he knew your tells and could easily read you by this point and knew that something was up.
“What?” he gently nudged your foot with his and you snapped back into attention as you looked at him, “you’re awfully deep in thought for someone that just wanted some pancakes.”
“It’s nothing,” you insisted nervously, swallowing your bite down and clearing your throat, “just...tired?”
“Mhmm,” he wasn’t going to push you, know you’d come around eventually, “whatever you say, sweetheart.”
There it was again, and you felt a warmth flush over your face as you focused your attention on the syrupy mess on your plate. It was silent for a few more minutes before you noticed a few women sitting at the diner’s counter, giggling among themselves as they cast longing glances at Bucky. Something in your stomach twisted and your heart constricted. Of course they were looking at him, women often did. And you couldn’t blame them; Bucky was handsome in almost every way, and you yearned after him as well. But unlike most other people, you weren’t about to be so obvious about it.
“Looks like you have a little fanclub,” you murmured softly under your breath as you lightly motioned towards them women. Bucky slyly followed your gaze and studied the newcomers and huffed in annoyance. He abhorred any sort of extra attention, especially when it came from people that only liked him because of his looks. Besides that, it often didn’t last terribly long; usually people realized who he was - used to be - and that scared them right off.
“They’ll leave soon enough,” he shrugged them off before turning his attention back to you, “besides, I-I’m not interested. It’s not like it used to be…”
“Back when?” you quickly snorted in amusement as he jokingly glared at you, “back in your day? I bet you had them all over you then too.”
“Well, it certainly was easier,” he admitted as he played with the straw in his almost empty milkshake, “nowadays people are harder to read. They all either want one thing, or they just stick around until they find someone else. It’s not worth it...and honestly, now one has caught my eye.”
“No one?” you asked as you pushed your last bite around the plate, letting the fluffy pancake soak up the syrup, “I find that hard to believe, even for you, Buck. Everyone has someone they’re interested in.”
“Huh,” he mused as drained the last of the milkshake, “well then, is there someone that has captured your interest?”
“I...no, not really,” you lied, hoping he wouldn’t pick up on the lie. Instead he immediately made a sound of small disbelief; you should haven’t even bothered to try and lie to him. He could see right through you, “there’s nobody.”
“I thought you said everyone has someone that they’re interested in?” oh yeah, he definitely wasn’t going to let this go at all.
“Except me.”
“I find that doubtful.”
“What about you then, Bucky Barnes?” you decided to deflect by throwing the question right back at him, “has anyone captured your interest?”
Bucky paused for a moment, tongue darting out to wet his lips as he mulled over his next words carefully, “yes. There is someone.”
“O-oh,” you stammered as his gaze shifted back to you, blue eyes keenly studied your features, “you gonna tell me who it is?”
“Well,” he started slowly, tapping his fingers on the table as he leaned towards, "there is someone, but I don't know if she knows or thinks of me as more than a friend, but god, I hope she does. She's been my friend for a while now and I kind of want to ask her on a date, a proper date, but don't quite know how."
"Do you...do you think she could feel the same about you?" butterflies erupted in your stomach as you tried to calm the rapid beating of your heart. Surely he couldn't mean you. But then...why was a light flush of pink in his cheeks? Why was he watching you so intently?
"I don't know," he confessed with a light shrug as he sat back in the booth, an arm extended over the back, the picture of ease, "sometimes I think she might, but I don't want to think she does and mess anything up. I'd rather keep her as a friend than lose her."
"I guess you won't know unless you ask her…" you were positive that he could hear your heart beating rapidly, "you never know until you try. I have a feeling she won't turn you down if you ask...just a hunch…"
"Hmm…" a smile, dazzling and brilliant, grazed his features, "well then sweet-"
"Excuse me," one of the girls from the counter had approached your table and was leaning into Bucky, with her back to you. She was twirling her hair around her finger as she offered him her most dazzling smile. She was definitely beautiful and you really had nothing to base your annoyance off of, but she rubbed you the wrong way, "I was just wondering if you'd-"
"Hi, excuse me?" you couldn't help yourself as you gently tapped her arm. Bucky raised an eyebrow as she gave her a surprised look on her face, "I don't want to interrupt but he's mine. And if you don't mind...we're on a date."
"O-oh," her eyes widened as she looked between you and Bucky, who was currently sporting the most shit eating grin, "I didn't know. Sorry…"
She scurried back to her friends as you looked back down at your plate. Bucky cleared his throat as he leaned in, hardly believing what had happened. You could feel his curious blue eyes on you, searing and questioning.
"So she feels the same way or she's a good liar," he said softly as you chanced a glance, biting on your lip, "I'm yours, huh?"
"Shut up," you groaned, "it was to get her away from you, so you're welcome."
"Mhmm…" god that smile made you want to melt.
"Bucky!"
"Thank you," he bowed his head slightly, "what are you doing tomorrow night?"
"Nothing...why?"
"Can I take you on a date?" he asked as you looked at him in surprise, wide doe eyes meeting his, "a proper date?"
"I...yeah, Bucky. I'd like that a lot," you agreed softly, "see...I told you she won't turn you down."
"Guess you were right," he was causal, but inside his heart was fit to burst as he reached across the table and gently put his hand on top of yours, "I'm already hers, but she's my girl too."
Yeah. You could definitely get used to that.
»»————- ♡ ————-««
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Need You.
Author’s Note: Hello! After answering tons and tons of asks, and explaining how Tumblr had deleted the second part “Please Stay” to my one shot named “Only If” for god knows what reasons. I had to do this for you guys. I stopped writing years ago, and but kept my masterlist open for you to come and read my writings whenever you wish to. Trust me, this was so effing difficult for me to do! but I’m kind of proud that I removed the time and managed it. but let me inform you it’s not the same, because I do not remember what happened in the original one clearly. I hope this is a better and hopefully more well-written (amongst my other writings *cringe*) version of the old one.
It’s not proof read. I haven't edited it, so I’m sorry in advance for the typos.
So, guys, gals and non-binary pals, I present to you (apology for it being light years late) the part two to your favourite little creation of mine “Only If”, with a new identity... please welcome “Need You”!
Do let me know how it makes you feel in the ask box or comment section. I love reading them. Happy Reading!
Word Count: 5K
Warnings: tons of angst with tons of fluff, sensitive harry???? (or do you guys call it sub!harry nowadays??) anyways it’s a cute!harry :P !
.
It’s been four hours, and you still weren’t back. Though it wasn’t new for you to go for a drive after an argument with him, you often came back within an hour or two. The blizzard outside was making Harry quite anxious. Even though the fight was extreme, he wanted you back safe and sound. He now realised how harsh he was on you. You didn’t intentionally leak the song. It was a mistake and it could happen to anyone, himself included. He felt guilty over the way he yelled at you; it wasn’t like him to react like that.
Suddenly, Harry felt the need to do something special for you. Though he planned on apologising to you verbally, he wanted his actions to prove it too. He made his way to the kitchen to cook you your favourite meal. He got a hold of his phone and switched on the playlist which include all the songs both of you enjoyed. the sound of the vessels clucking against each other minimised over the song playing on through the speakers.
A smile lit up on his face as he reminisced back to the moment when you were dancing to this song while making the two of you breakfast.
FLASHBACK
Harry rubbed his eyes as he walked down the stairs, his dimpled smile already making its appearance when he heard your voice blasting through the kitchen entrance. He didn’t know why you bothered turning the song on so loud, you were anyways going to be louder. He stopped at the kitchen entrance, a silent laugh escaped him as he leaned against the door frame and took in the scene going on in front of him.
“You say you want a good time! Well here I am, baby, here I am, baby” you belted out loud, cheeks turning red with the happiness radiating out of you. You’d decided that the whisk was your microphone of choice with batter stuck to it and everything. You’re moving those luscious hips which drive him crazy right to the rhythm of the song.
“Talk to me, talk to me, talk to me talk to me, tell me what's on your mind!” you missed a note but you don’t care. This scene right in front of him, he wished he could capture and watch it forever. Bruno Mars did bring a wild side out of you, and he couldn’t bring himself to be jealous of the multi-talented singer. He would give anything to see you like this. Knowing you’re the shy type who doesn’t enjoy too much of attention, getting to watch you like this was definitely a sight.
He walked right up to you and wrapped his arms around you slowly. You jumped in a scare, as you were lost in your own world. “Harry! You scared me.” You complained, trying to ignore the blush on you cheeks after you realised he must’ve been watching you from a far.
He nuzzled into your neck and sighed, while pressing a kiss there, “Hmm… I’m sorry, m’love. But you just looked so beautiful I didn’t want to stop you.” He murmured while pressing more kisses to your neck, then trailing them up to your jawline. “Y’ look utterly ravishing right now. Forget pancakes, instead I’ll have you for breakfast.” He smiled and went on to kiss your cheeks. His comments made you smile. He saw his chance and lightly bite the side of your cheek. You squealed and tried to push him away.
“H, stop!” you laughed. He tightened his arms around you and swayed to the beat of the song then went on to sing next lyric “Tell me baby, tell me, tell me baby what you tryna do!” he slightly lifted up your t-shirt and moved one of his hands under it, and muttered, “huh? What are you trying to do to me, baby?” and pressed yet another kiss to your cheek.
“Gosh, your hands are extremely cold!” you gasped. He then turned you around to face him. You instinctively wrapped your arms around him. The two of you smiled quietly towards each other, then he leaned down to kiss you properly. You shifted one of your hands into his the nape of his neck and the other went on to cup his cheek. He moved one of his around your shoulder and the other around your waist. Both of you sighed and bathed in each other’s presence.
“G’morning, froggy” you teased as pulled away first and smiled up at him. He frowned and tutted, then smacked your ass lightly. You always teased him for his morning face, said it looked like a cute frog. He rubbed the area he spanked and quickly pecked you once again before pulling away to look at you.
Brushing away the hair stuck to your face, “Morning, precious. How’re you feeling?” he asked, hugging you towards his chest. Let’s just say the rest of the day went on just like this. Him being needy for your attention, and you loving on him without any hold backs.
END OF FLASHBACK
Right as he was getting ready to plate the dish, the doorbell rang. He smiled, happy to finally have you home. He quickly washed his hands and walked up to the door as he rubbed his hand dry with the towel which was once on his shoulder. He buzzed you in thinking you’ll unlock the main door with the security code. But after two minutes of waiting and not seeing you walk through the door, he turned on the camera above his buzzer to see what was wrong.
He frowned when he saw two police officers standing outside his door. His heart suddenly started racing at rapid speed. He rushed towards the door and unlocked them. Coming face to face with the two sombre looking men, he tentatively asked, “G’ evening, officers. How may I help you?”
The two men exchanged looks and the tall one replied, “Sir, there has been an accident and we found an ID on the victim. Is this Ms. Y/N Y/L/N residence? we’re here to inform you about the unfortunate event.”
“I-I don’t understand? What happened?” he stuttered, his legs almost felt as if they were about to give up.
“Unfortunately, we don’t have much information for you. May we ask what’s your relation to the victim?” the other officer asked, and gave him an apologetic smile.
“Fiancé.” He cleared his throat, trying to calm himself down. He could feel his panic attack rising. “I’m her fian-” he shook his head, “Just tell me where she is please…” he pleaded and quickly put on his shoes. He took his car keys and raced up to his rover.
“She’s over at St. Thomas, Mr. Styles.” The officers had clearly recognised the distressed man. “Here’s her ID. We hope everything is well.”
Harry couldn’t bring himself to thank them as he started his car and backed out of the parking spot. He raced up to the hospital, and once he reached, he ran up to the reception.
“Y-Y/N Y/L/N? S-She just c-came in? I’m her f-fiancé?” He gasped out your name. The lady was busy tending to others to notice him. “Hey! Hey! Please ma’am just tell me where she is!” he was on the verge of weeping in front of her.
The old lady looked at him with a bit of annoyance, “Take a breath, young man. I’m trying my best here!” She walked up to him. “Now tell me, what was her name again?”
“Y/N Y/L/N!” He rushed. He couldn’t stand straight. Once he got what he wanted, he ran towards the elevator, up to the fifth floor. The corridor was busy and he couldn’t care less about pushing people aside. He just wanted to get to you as soon as he could. He found your door and barged in, not caring about the doctors around your bed.
“Y/N!” He rushed to your side, dropping beside your bed.
“Sir you can’t be her-” the male nurse tried to pull him back.
“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry, precious!” He cried, trying to get the man off of him and get back to you. “I’m here now, okay? I’m not going anywhere- GET OFF ME. SHE NEEDS ME!” he yelled pushing the guy away.
“Hey man you’re no good to her at the moment yeah? Let the doctors do their job!” the nurse tried to make him understand while pulling him back yet again. Tears streamed down his face as he tried to reach to you. He sobbed over your state, blood was streaming down your forehead, and all he wanted to do was protect you and wrap his arms around you.
“No I need to be here! Please let me!” he cried. All of sudden a beep brought his cries to a halt. He looked around frantically wanting to know what had happened. “W-What’s wrong?!” he hiccupped.
The doctor and the nurses around him started rushing around the room. He then heard those words which made his heart stop, “She has flat-lined! Someone pass me the defibrillator!” the doctor raised his voice.
Harry couldn’t believe this was happening. The nurse had enough of the unwilling man and pushed him out the door, “Sir we cannot help her if you’re being difficult. Please calm down and go to the waiting room. We will inform you about her doing as soon as we can.” and then shut the door to his face. Harry could no longer see you. The group of doctors, covered your body.
He slid down the wall next to your door and sobbed into his hands. Only if he would’ve stopped you from leaving. Only if he would’ve told you that he forgives you and that he loved you more than anything. Only if he would’ve let the argument die and kiss you instead. Only if…
Later, the upset man walked himself to the toilet. He caught his reflection in the mirror. He didn’t care about his red swollen eyes, his sweaty forehead and matted hair. The image of you lying on that bed yet again brought tears to his eyes. The thought of you not making it made him retch and he rushed into one of the restrooms. He dry-heaved and cried. Once he was able to breathe, he took out his phone.
Sniffling as he dialled the only number he could think of, The voice on the other side made him breakdown. “Mum I-” he couldn’t complete his sentence, as he tried to wipe his eyes.
“Harry? Darling what’s wrong?!” she asked shocked at her son’s rapid breathing.
“Y/N s-she is- Mum I can’t lose her. I’m such an idiot. I shouldn’t have let her leave. What if she doesn’t make it?” He wept while running his sticky fingers through his hair.
“Love, what-” she tried to ask him, but he cut her off.
“What if she…What if she dies, mum?” he cried and coughed.
His mother had figured out by now that you were not okay, and might be admitted in the hospital. She tried to calm her son through the phone. Unfortunately, she wasn’t near him and by the time she would reach it might not be enough. So she did the only thing she could once Harry hung up the phone, she rang up his friends.
Harry sat himself down on one of the wating room chairs. No one was telling him anything, he had no idea how you were doing or if you were okay. He was out of tears, and soon enough the exhaustion took over him. He didn’t even realise when he had fallen asleep until he felt a hand brush the back of his head. He opened his eyes and saw his two friends crouching in front of him.
“Hey buddy…” Louis smiled softly. Harry jolted back up, and got up to run towards your room. But before he could stand up straight Mitch stopped him. “H, they just came in here to inform us about her condition.”
“How’s she? Is she okay? Is she awake? She needs me, I need to be beside her.” He rushed. His two close friends, tried to calm him down.
“They said she’s stable now, mate. But we aren’t allowed to meet her yet, okay?” Louis stated.
Harry took deep breaths and looking at their extremely destressed friend, Louis pulled him into a hug. Getting the comfort he desperately needed, Harry started sobbing again. He was tired of crying but he couldn’t bring himself to stop.
“Everything is going to be okay, Harry. She’s our little tigress, she’s going to pull through, yeah?” Mitch ran a hand drown his friend’s shoulder. Harry nodded lightly and tried to slow down his heart.
48 Hours Later
It’s been two days, yesterday Harry was allowed to visit you since they moved you out of the ICU. Thankfully, your internal recovery was rapid, and you could wake up anytime. He was getting a bit impatient. He wanted to see you open those shiny eyes and look at him the way you always did, with so much love that made him giddy and flustered. These past two days he’s been talking to you, continuously apologising for his behaviour, and how he’s going to make up for everything that went wrong. You just had to come back to him.
“and then Louis got frustrated because Mitch was not answering him. But that’s Mitch for you, right?” he slightly smiled and ran the hand which wasn’t holding you hand, through your hair. “You’re going to hate your hair, once you wake up. You always like them a certain way, don’t you? But don’t you worry, I’ll help you wash your hair as soon as you wake up and come back home.” He stated and kissed your hand. He was silent for a while, just continued to run his hand through your hair.
“You’re going to come back to me, right precious?” he asked quietly, “Why aren’t you waking up, huh? Your froggy needs you to open your eyes....” he continued, as he forced a laugh out of his throat which had a huge lump in it. His eyes turned misty as he continued, “I hate it here. Seeing you like this is a nightmare. I miss you so much. I miss you calling me annoying little names. I miss you smacking me when I’m being a narcissistic little prick. I miss your voice. I miss everything about you, and even though it’s just been two day, I feel like it’s been forever. Wake up, baby. Please…” he pleaded.
As the day turned into night, Harry decided to stay back. He asked for an extra blanket and a pillow for his makeshift bed on the couch. He didn’t know why he bothered because he spent the entire night sitting beside you, holding your hand as he fell asleep leaning against it.
You could listen before you could see. The only thing you could hear was the air conditioner and someone lightly snoring against your right hand. You tried to move your fingers as you opened your eyes. The bright light made you squint, you blinked rapidly as your vision cleared. You turned to your right and saw Harry’s peaceful face sleeping against your hand. You felt the need to clear your throat, and your eyes searched the room for a glass of water. But the sound made Harry wake up from his sleep. He lifted his face and wiped the little drool from his face and the little amount on your hand.
“whoops, you’d kill me now if you were awak-” he turned to look at your face, and he had to double take. He gasped, almost falling off this chair. “Y/N…Oh my- you’re awake!” he nearly yelled. He pressed the button to call the nurse and then cupped your face going on to press kisses to your face, “Baby I was so scared. I thought I had lost you!” He laughed his airy laugh and looked at you with utter happiness.
For some reason, you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him. The words he said to you were the only thing swimming through your mind. For you time had stood still, like the fight had happened mere hours ago. You moved your face away from his hands. Harry frowned noticing this change in your mood.
“Hey what’s wrong? The doctor is on her way, yeah. Do y’need anything?” he asked frantically following your eyes round the room. He saw you eye the plastic cup beside your bed, “Y’ want water? Hold on I’ll get it for you.” He ran to the other side and brought the cup up to your face. You didn’t realise how thirsty you were until the first sip hit your throat, you started gulping it down quickly.
“Take it easy, precious. They took out the tube just yesterday.” He explained softly.
Once your thirst was quenched he kept the cup aside then went on to pull his sleeve over his knuckles and wiped the wet corners of your mouth. You moved your face aside yet again, he couldn’t understand what was wrong. But before he could ask you, the doctor came in to check on you. She did her tests and asked a few questions. She left as soon as she was done, and told you even though the injury looked worse than it actually is, you had take it easy for a couple of days.
Neither of you spoke for a few minutes, “How’re you feeling, love?” he asked quietly. You nodded, “I’m okay.” He came up to you and raised his hand to caress your cheek. But before he could touch you, your head turned to the opposite side. He couldn’t take it anymore, so he asked you.
“Will you please look at me? What’s happened, precious?” as he caressed your hair.
“Why should I look at you, Harry? So you can tell me how careless I am, or how I’m not trustworthy?” you rasped quietly. For a minute he was unable understand what you were trying to say. Then flashbacks from your fight the other night came back rushing to him. The things he said to you, and how guilty he felt later. His words had left a huge impact than he thought they did.
He took your face in his hand with very much to little force, he had to tell you this, “Y/N y’have absolutely no idea for how sorry I am for that night-” but you didn’t let him complete.
“That’s only because I got into this accident.” You snapped. He shook his head rapidly, he saw you getting worked up over this. You’ve always been a little firecracker, and you never failed to tell him when he was being a dick or to defend yourself quite amazingly, he always loved that quality. Apropos, he couldn’t let you hurt yourself in this condition.
“First of all, please calm down-” he started, “don’t tell me to calm down, harry!” you raged. He hated himself for smiling when you’re clearly very upset. But for the past few days he had to witness you lie there lifeless which had taken a toll on his mental state. He loved the fact that you were awake, so you yelling at him was more of a reward than a punishment. You looked at him sharply and saw him not taking you seriously, this brought tears to your eyes.
You sniffled and looked away from him to rest your head against the pillows on the raised up side of your bed roughly. Harry’s small smile melted away as quickly as it appeared. He rubbed the side you almost banged to the pillow, “I’m so sorry, precious. I swear I did not mean anything I said.” He pleaded and took a seat down on the chair beside you.
Right then the nurse which pushed him out of the room the other day and now was much like a friend to him entered the room with a tray which had a bowl of soup and jello in it. Harry smiled at him gratefully and took the tray from him as the guy set up the table on your bed.
“How’re you feeling, Ms. Y/L/N?” he asked once he was ready to leave. You gave him a small smile and said you were feeling better. The moment he left Harry looked back at you with a longing look on his face, when you refused to look at him he sighed and set the tray down on the small table and took a seat in front you on the bed. He looked at you as he removed the metal spoon from its cover, and then went on to remove the cover set on top of the soup. He blew light air on the spoonful of soup, then brought it up to your mouth. You refused to touch it. He sighed and looked at you pleadingly, “Y’ know someone told me we shouldn’t remove our anger on food.” He stated, turning your words against you.
You glared at him in anger for minute as he looked at you with a loving smile. “Please?” He moved it closer to your mouth, “You’ve got to eat it, I’m not budging unless you do, Y/N.”
Even though you wanted to stay stubborn, you were kind of hungry. So you let him feed you the soup. When he got to the jello, you refused profoundly. “But it’s the chocolate flavoured one! Remember the time we used to share one when I was here for my fractured foot? C’mon we’ll share this one too, if y’want?” he tried convincing you with his soft eyes.
“I don’t want to share it with you. Actually, I don’t want anything to do with you at the moment to be completely honest.” you snapped. You were aware of the fact that you were being very unreasonable and bitchy but it was his words that has caused extreme hurt to you. Your words hurt Harry, and it was evident on his face. He wrapped up the jello and cleared everything. The day passed, and in the evening your last visitor entered the room.
“There she is!” Louis came up to you and hugged you lightly, making sure not to hurt you. “Hello, darling. How’re you?” he kissed your forehead. Harry left you alone with him as he went to get the two of them some coffee.
“What’s happened to him? Why the long face still? I mean I get that Harry loves to pretend that he’s this macho man and all. S’ a bit ridiculous to be honest. Like who’s he kidding, he’s a puppy.” Louis laughed. You smiled at this.
“I’m still a bit upset with him over our fight. So I haven’t been talking to him.” You explained. Louis frowned at this and then sighed, “Oh love don’t do that... This has been very tough for him. Should’ve seen his state these past few days. The man has been a mess ever since the officers came to your house that night.”
“I’m trying, Lou. But I just can’t forget all the things he said. I was so hurt, I still am!” you rubbed your forehead, as it was beginning to give you an ache.
“He’s very sorry, Y/N. Trust me when I say that I’ve never seen him like I saw him that day. He just wanted you to wake up. He was just blaming himself, how he shouldn’t have let you leave the house.” He took a hold of your hand, “he loves you so much, darling. He’s absolutely mad over you.” He rubbed your hand, “A’bit obsessed if you ask me. If I were you I’d have him get that checked with a therapist.” He joked, you laughed loudly. He smiled with you, and passed you the water you signalled for.
“Forgive him, Y/N. He can’t even bring himself to go home. The only time he went there was to get some clothes, and to put the dinner he made for you in the rubbish bin.” He sassed. “and I know I’m speaking for Mitch too here when I say this, but both him and I could use a break from all the non-stop stress weeping calls we’ve been getting from him.” You gasped at him with a mock offence for Harry, and lightly smacked his shoulder. You were always thankful for Louis in moments like these. He was a great friend to you and Harry.
Harry came back with two coffees and passed one to his blue-eyed friend. He took a seat on the sofa which was against the wall, and the three of you, though it was mostly you and Louis, had a light conversation while the men finished up their coffee. Louis bid his farewell with another kiss on your forehead and a well wish, you thanked him and waved goodbye. Harry walked him out the door, and came back in a second later.
“Y’ need anything?” He asked as he took a seat on the chair beside you. You shook your head as you observed him fidgeting with the cuticles of his nails. He did that when he was anxious.
Neither of you spoke for a while. But the minute you heard a sniffle, you snapped your head towards him. You tried to get a look at his face, the tip of his nose was a bit red and he was now fidgeting with his feet too. He wasn’t crying but he sure was on the verge of it.
You suddenly felt an overwhelming amount of love for the man in front of you. You leaned against your bed and sighed, smiling a little. It’s pathetic how in love you were with each other. You couldn’t even stay mad at him.
“Harry?” You whispered softly. He hummed without looking up. So you continued, “I need you to do something” you faked a stern voice to play with him a bit more.
“Yeah sure, what’s it?” he muttered as he got up and rubbed his hands down his thighs, then finally looked at you. You looked at him without an expression and said, “I need you to come here and give me a good cuddle, a kiss too if I like the cuddle.” And then smiled at him lovingly. He looked at you for a second. You almost thought he was going to yell at you, but the opposite happened. He started tearing up and heavy tear drops ran down his cheeks.
You gasped and quickly leaned forward to take a hold of his hand which was near you. “Oh Harry..” You whispered as you pulled him near you. He the minute you sat him in front of you, he started crying heavily. You were so shocked yet you’ve never been more mesmerised by him. You quickly tried wiping his tears away and comforted him, “Honey, don’t cry. I’m not upset anymore!”
“I-I’m honestly s-sorry! I promise I didn’t mean what I said that day, Y/N!” he tried to speak while wiping his tears.
“I know, babe. I know!” you tried to say it properly but it came out in a laughing manner and tried to draw the crying man close to you, but seeing you laugh made him more upset and he pushed you away lightly, so you forcefully pulled him into a cuddle.
He told himself he’s letting himself be pulled because he didn’t want to hurt you, but it was actually because he wanted you close, so he went in head first. You lay down against the pillows and cuddle him against your chest. He went on sniffling into your neck and wrapped his arm around your waist.
“Harry why are you crying!” you tried controlling your laughter. He whined and pulled his face away, “Y’were so fucking mean since the moment you woke up. I didn’t expect it.” He said and hiccupped, thanks to the sobbing breakdown he just had. You pulled on your lips so you wouldn’t smile.
“Well now you know, honey. It hurts, doesn’t it? You were so mean to me too!” You teased. He nuzzled back into your neck, pressing kisses there which always made you giggle.
“I’m really sorry, precious. Honestly, I really am.” He said into your neck, yet producing another hiccup. You couldn’t control yourself anymore so you smiled and pressed a quite a few smooches to his temple, and inhaled his comforting scent.
“It’s okay, baby. I forgive you. I’m sorry for my foolish mistake too, I really didn’t mean to ruin your hard work like that.” You apologised. He pulled away and brought the hand that was around your waist to your cheek and said, “I forgave you a long time ago, but you honestly don’t have to apologise at all. It could happen to anyone, m’love. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. Y’know I made dinner and everything as an apology. But then the officers…” his tone dropped and he couldn’t continue. So, you sadly smiled and pulled him in for a kiss.
He sighed and reciprocated the kiss with so much love and passion that you couldn’t help but wrap the arm which around his shoulder a bit more tighter and ran the other through the back of his head gently. The two of you pulled away and looked into each other’s eyes, he moved the hair that escaped from your braid and tucked it behind your ear, “I was so scared. I thought I had lost you.” He whispered softly, and swallowed the small lump, “I missed you a lot, baby” he said and you couldn’t help but peck his cute pout.
“I missed you too, froggy” you replied. The pet name made him reward you with a dimpled smile. He nuzzled into your neck and whispered, “I love you.”
“and I love you.” You kissed his forehead.
“Just for your information, I’m not letting you out of my sight for a really long time.” He stated sternly.
You laughed but stopped when you saw he wasn’t joking, “You know I have to work, right?”
“Y’can easily take a break for a month or two.” He said, as he yawned and cuddle closer to you. “A MONTH OR TWO?! Have you gone mad?” you gasped, lightly pulling on his hair.
“No I haven’t. Try to get rid of me, baby. I dare you.” He laughed a scheming laugh. You knew he wasn’t joking. He tended to become quite paranoid and obsessive over you when situations like these occur. But you wouldn’t have him any other way.
“We’ll see, mister.” You said, and caressed the back of his head.
“oh we will, missus.”
The End.
Author’s Note: I really put in a lot of efforts on this one, so you guys kind of owe me *wink* y'all gotta humour my praise kink now!!! ;P
Love you guys!
#Harry Styles#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles angst#harrystyles#harry edward styles#one direction#harry styles one shot#harry angst#one direction fanfiction#one direction imagine#daddy harry#daddy harry imagines#harry feels#boyfriend!harry#one shot#in-the-name-of-styles#1d imagines#1D Harry Styles#original#harry styles fluff#angst#1d angst#harry styles writings#HES#harry styles fanfic#my writing#harry au#harry styles fic#sub!harry#harry styles imagines
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Say My Name
A Nace Oneshot where Nancy *really* loves the way Ace calls her name. (Because Alex Saxon makes it sound so damn enticing that I couldn't help myself)
I had always liked my name. Nancy Drew. Not so much Drew anymore, but it sounds better than Nancy Hudson. Or maybe that was just my habits talking.
In any case, I like my name. Nancy.
With the ever-growing confusion regarding my last name, it suited me better to opt for – what I call – the Ace option. Just casually dropping my last name until and unless it's an official or legal requirement.
For the very common folk of Horseshoe Bay, I am Nancy.
Just Nancy.
It was only after I realized and accepted my intense feelings for my best male friend – my partner-in-investigative-work – Ace, I often found my heart skipping a beat at my own name.
Purely because of the way he called it. Nancy. With that adorable lilt at the second 'n'. He probably never even realized that he did it, which made it all the more enticing.
But I would never tell him that.
__________
I ignored the screaming soles of my feet as I locked up the Claw. It was date night for George and Nick, and despite my best hopes, I was the one left in charge of closing up the seafood restaurant.
How had I ended up here tonight, I wondered sarcastically before a face flashed in my mind.
Ace.
How was it that most of my stupid impulsive decisions nowadays were because of him?
He had opted to lock up for the night, claiming to be happy to do it only if George allowed Amanda to stay with him.
"We haven't seen each other much since we returned from our road trip, and she has been asking me if we could just talk for a while without either of us running off for something or the other," he had said with a shrug.
Now, normally I am not a goody-two-shoes. Or a masochist. But seeing Ace with that utterly adorable little pout made my heart melt, and I jumped in to sacrifice my sanity to let him leave early. To be with his girlfriend, no less.
What can I say? Sometimes, I am just that much of an idiot.
Bess had side-eyed me so hard when I chimed in, I wondered how transparent I had become regarding my feelings for Ace. How did no one else notice?
But then, maybe everybody had noticed it at some point in time and had chosen not to comment on it.
Everybody except Ace. A sigh heaved out of me at that particular thought.
Ace was blissfully unaware. And thank God for that. I didn't need him to hate me for ruining his chances with Amanda. As much as I had rolled my eyes at his dopey smile that first time he had accepted his crush on her—almost endangering George in the process—I did want him to be happy, even if it wasn't with me.
Even if watching him fall for her tore my heart out every time, I thought about it.
Even if I was wrecking myself over him. Every. Damn. Day.
I looked around aimlessly. I only had to mop the floors one last time, and then I could leave. So I got the mop and the bucket— put on some music, and let my mind daydream about a life where I wasn't the girl one-sidedly crushing on her best friend as I let my body move on autopilot.
I didn't even realize that I wasn't alone until I felt the hair on the back of my neck rise, pulling me out of the daydream just before I got kissed.
I whirled around towards the door leading to the locker room to find him standing there.
Ace.
He looked angry. Really angry.
"Ace? What are you doing here? What's wrong?" I asked worriedly. Was someone in danger? Was there an accident or something?
"What's wrong is that I cannot fucking stop thinking about you," he snapped, his soft blue eyes flashing with barely concealed anger.
"What – what are you on about?" I stuttered with surprise.
His nostrils flared delicately. "There I was, with my girlfriend, finally spending some much-needed time together, and my mind kept reminding me that she is not you. That you are you. And that you are here. And I was so distracted by the thought of you being here alone with no one to protect you, should something happen, that I completely missed her telling me that she loved me."
He strode over to where I was standing, grasping onto the mop as if my life depended on it. The weight of his words, the complete and utter disaster of it all hit me at the same time he stopped barely half a foot away.
"Ace— ” I started and stopped. What was I supposed to say? Was there anything I could say that would help? Anything at all? It didn't seem so.
"There she was, looking all hopeful as she told me she loved me, and all I could think of was whether you were safe. Whether I would see you tomorrow." His voice held an undercurrent of fear. And I understood that.
After the Aglaeca and the Wraith and Everett Hudson and the threat of the Road Back still lingering, all of us felt overprotective of each other.
"I am not a marshmallow, Ace. I can take care of myself. At the very least, not drop dead while locking up the Claw," I joked half-heartedly. I admit that I might have intentionally ignored the part where he said he barely paid attention to his girlfriend. Or how my heart skipped several beats at it. I didn't need him more antagonized over my feelings for him.
"That's not the point, and you know it," he snapped. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes, before he continued, "my girlfriend told me she loved me, and not only was I distracted enough to miss it, I couldn't even say it back."
He shook his head, eyes still closed, as if he could somehow forget everything that happened. I understood that feeling as well. Sometimes, I wished the same.
"Why?"I asked him softly because I knew that was the part he wanted me to stress on. I knew him well enough to know his cues. I could play along.
He opened his eyes at my question.
"Because, as much as I like Amanda, I don't love her. At least not as she wanted me to. I tried, God knows I tried so damn hard, but I just couldn't," he explained.
I didn't ask him the question on the tip of my tongue again. I merely kept staring at him. Ace knew my cues as well as I did his. If he wanted me to play along, he could as well.
Why?
"She broke up with me, rightly so. She deserves someone who isn't already in love with someone else," he whispered, just loud enough to be heard over the music, "what kind of a pathetic person does that?"
Even then, my heart beating fast enough to rival that of a marathon runner, I stayed silent.
"Nancy." He whispered almost pleading, for what I didn't know.
"I love the way you say my name, "I whispered back as if in a thrall. Completely inappropriate? Perhaps. But a kernel of truth nonetheless.
He raised his hands, cupping my face so softly as if afraid that I would break under his touch. He touched his forehead to mine, his eyes closed again.
A slight tremble shook me at his touch. His breath ghosted over my face. "Say my name again," I whispered to him.
"Nancy."
He shifted his face a tiny bit and kissed my cheek. I closed my eyes at the onslaught of feelings his adoration elicited.
"Nancy," he whispered before kissing my other cheek.
"Nancy."
A kiss on my chin.
"Nancy."
A kiss on my forehead.
"Nancy."
A kiss on my brows.
"Nancy."
A kiss on one eye, and then the other.
"Nancy."
A kiss on my nose.
"Nancy," his voice took on an almost worshipping quality as he whispered my name but didn't lower his mouth to mine.
Tell him, I chided myself. Tell him that he isn't wrong in his feelings for you. Tell him that if he felt condemned about his feelings for you, then you shared the damnation with him.
"I love you, Ace," I said, tears escaping me, my throat raw with emotion, "I have loved you for a while now."
There was so much I wanted to tell him and couldn't. So much he needed to know. Another day, I reasoned with myself. I would tell him another day when we were both far more clear-headed than we were at the moment.
"I know, Nancy," he said softly, nodding his head, "I love you too."
And then he closed the gap between us.
His lips were soft against mine. Unhurried. Moving with a languid assurance that he knew what he wanted and wasn't afraid to claim it any longer. I played along with him, slow and steady, our form of normalcy until the heat growing in my body took over.
The kiss turned frantic as soon as I bit on his lower lip. His tongue was in my mouth, claiming me. He wanted everything, and I wanted to give it all to him. My tongue followed his, teasing him to a sensual dance of their own.
His hands, which were previously cupping my face, slid lower until one of them was grasping onto my neck – positioning my head as he wanted – the other grabbing onto my waist, pulling my body closer to his.
I let go of the mop, and it fell on the floor with a clang. I placed my hands on his chest. His heartbeat was strong and steady, if not galloping at a faster pace, under my fingertips. I moved my hands on his body, feeling his muscles flex subtly until one of my hands took a life of its own and decidedly wandered over to his hair, tugging on it as if he could come closer than he already was.
I don't particularly know how long we stayed like that, devouring each other like the last meal, but when we did eventually come up for air, I knew I wouldn't be able to let him go, and I told him as such.
His chuckle was like music to me. I opened my eyes just in time to see his smirk, "after a kiss like that, I should hope not, Nancy."
"Jesus Christ, Ace," I swore, "the way you say my name is my favorite thing."
His used laugh vibrated through me at that, warming my core but you know what? I didn't care.
"That's all?" Ace asked me playfully. No more stoicism. It was almost as if he had pulled back another layer of his surprisingly dazzling personality. I smiled at him in answer.
His answering grin almost knocked me right out. Damn! I really did love this man.
I didn't know what my face showed him, but the grin dropped off his face as he asked, "what's wrong?"
Ah. I must have been emoting the pent-up sadness I had repressed for so long.
I shook my head at him, smiling again. I combed through his hair with my fingers and let all of my affection pour into my voice as I said, "I didn't think I would ever get to do this again."
"Touch my hair?" Ace asked amused, quirking an eyebrow.
"Just be with you. Touch you without having to worry about offending anyone," I explained.
He placed a soft kiss on my forehead, pulling me into a hug, "You never really had any sense of personal space when it came to being near me, Nancy. That was just so you, I never really questioned it further. I was so scared of you putting up defenses against me that I purposefully ignored all the signs. Even when they were glaringly obvious."
He kissed my cheek and said, "I shouldn't have tried as hard as I did to deny my feelings creeping up on me for over a month. And I definitely shouldn't have chosen the easier way out with Amanda."
I shook my head at that. "You did what you thought was right for you," I said, somewhat sadly, "I remember your smile. You told us that she made you bloom."
"She did. For a while."He said. There was a trace of sadness in his voice. It would take time, I knew, for him to stop blaming himself for everything that happened with her.
"Take your time before you move on, Ace. Both of you deserve that respect," I told him.
"I will," he said, a small smile gracing his lips again, "but not tonight." I nodded my acceptance of his decision. Whatever he needed.
"Nancy," he whispered my name in my ear a heartbeat later.
The groan that escaped me was obscene, and I rightfully snapped, "Stop saying my name like that, Ace, if you want to keep your clothes on."
His answering kiss made my blood heat up and my toes curl in my shoes in an instant. I kissed him back with equal fervor. His hands started roaming, and I gasped into his mouth as he cupped my ass. He chuckled in response. A challenge.
Very well, I thought to myself. I dropped my mouth, kissing his neck softly before biting on it. An obscene groan escaped him. I smirked.
Two can play this game, Ace. And I barely got started.
I licked the spot I had bitten.
"I won't be able to even see straight if you keep doing this," his warning rang. I ignored the moan accompanying the statement.
I took half a step away from him and said playfully, "You need some space, Ace?"
"Nancy," he almost growled before yanking my body flush against his again and dropping a searing kiss on my lips.
Dear God, in the heavens above! I loved the way he said my name.
Nancy.
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