#nonbinary allies really need to do better | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

goth-brushbug · 2 months

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It's pretty sad how fellow trans ppl are praising celebrities for doing absolute bare minimum, like saying things like: trans women are women, trans men are men, etc. And nonbinary people are not real? This is exorsexism, and you're participating in it. Congrats.

You really don't give a fuck about nonbinary people. Your allyship ends after saying: transmascs and transfems, and you pat each other backs for being so inclusive while erasing a big chuck of nonbinary identies who are outside the gender binary (who would have thought that nonbinary people are NON binary)

#enbyphobia #exorsexism #transmisia #enby #nonbinary #trans #transgender #nonbinary allies really need to do better

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jennwritespokemon · 2 years

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Sexuality/Gender Headcannons for Pokemon Shield Characters:

*This kind of devolves into some ships I like towards the Leon/Raihan section, so let me know if you'd like to see some specific content for them.

*I'd love to hear your theories/headcannons in reblogs or the comments!

Gym Leaders

Milo

Has only ever dated women, but would be open to dating men

Homoflexible or Pansexual mayhaps?

Once someone explained what Demisexual means he realized that it clicked with him

He/Him pronouns

Does his best to remember people's pronouns

Occasionally wears a He/Him pronoun pin that Kabu got him

(probably wrote a list somewhere so he wouldn't forget)

Profusely apologizes if he gets them wrong (not in a fake ally kind of way)

Nessa

She gives me mean bisexual vibes and I won't be elaborating as to why

(It's probably because she could step on me and I'd thank her BUT I DIGRESS ANYWAY)

She/Her?

Doesn't mind They/Them but she doesn't hear them much so she doesn't think about it

Bisexual w/a preference for women

Will scream at someone who misgenders her friends/partner

Kabu

Straight

He/Him

ONE OF THE FIERCEST ALLIES YOU WILL EVER MEET

Would start an organization among the gym leaders to encourage conversations about gender/sexuality in a safe space

Encourages his gym trainers to wear pronoun pins, and wears a He/Him pronoun pin everywhere

He's the guy at pride wearing a "Free Dad Hugs" tshirt

(He cried when he got the shirt as a gift from one of the other gym trainers he works with)

Will put time and effort into researching the different genders/sexualities that exist now to make sure he's up to date

(Like Milo) also has a list of people's pronouns so he wouldn't forget

Allister

*I won't be going too far into this since he's a child but I still wanted to include him

They/He

Some flavor of nonbinary, I think.

Asexual/Aromantic?

Bede

He/They

You're going to look me in the eye and tell me that man is straight? Absolutely not.

Some sorta gay.

*My friend had a headcannon that he's asexual/Aromantic, and he convinced himself that he's so superior to everyone else and thats why he's not attracted to people.

Melony

Used to be casually homophobic, but is working on being a better ally once she learned more about the LGBTQ+ community

She/Her

At some point realizes that she's always liked women, and just has never explored the concept

Kinda has a "What do you mean not everyone daydreamed about kissing girls as a kid?" Moment.

Eventually comes out as bisexual

Piers

He/They, wants to look more into neopronouns to see if they fit

Demisexual and Panromantic

Doesn't really put a label on his romantic attraction, but uses Panromantic if someone asks

A very easy person to come out to, and is extremely supportive

Performs at Pride every year, without fail

(Probably hosts a smaller pride event for Spikemuth w/Marnie every year too)

Has a pronoun pin on his jacket

Pretty good at remembering pronouns, and will correct someone if needed

Will beat the piss out of someone who's being a homophobe/transphobe without a second thought (and has done so multiple times)

Marnie

She/They

Lesbian & Demisexual

Piers got her a pronoun pin & a lesbian pride pin that she wears on her jacket

(Will also beat the shit out of a homophobe/transphobe if they're bothering her or her partner)

Raihan

He/Him

He gives me bi man whore vibes

Like, give him a drop of alcohol and he'll flirt with anything with a pulse good God

He definately has gotten hit on by so many people that he thought, "Hmm, this increases my odds of getting laid. Why not?" Ya know?

Definately has flirted w/Leon and claims he was joking at the time.

Spoiler alert: He wasn't joking

He goes all out for pride in terms of his outfit, and will post about it on social media

Avery

He/They for the most part

Definately nonbinary to some degree, maybe genderfluid?

Panromantic Asexual...?

His time at the dojo gave him time away from his family to learn more about himself and who he wants to be; Not who his family wants him to be.

Mans is literally decked out in rainbows on a daily basis; C'mon now.

A concept I thought of:

Some Rando: Whats your gender?

Avery: I don't have one.

Rando: Gender is whats in your pants.

Avery: MY GENDER IS ELEGANCE BITCH-

Other Main Characters

Hop

He/Him pronouns

(I've seen some people headcannon him as a Trans man, which isn't something I've thought about but I could see it tbh)

(Similar to Milo) Has only ever dated women, but is open to the idea of dating men if the opportunity presented itself.

I think he just loves people as they are, so gender wouldn't matter too much to him

Panromantic demisexual

Helps Kabu run a pride organization, and keeps him updated on what's going on in the LGBT+ community

Leon

He/Him pronouns

Thinks he's straight for a long time

Mostly because of his job as champion, he never really had the time to do a deep dive into his sexuality. He also didn't want to think otherwise out of fear that it would ruin his reputation.

He gets a lil too tipsy one night w/Raihan and starts seeing him in a different light for the first time.

(Well, the first time that he's willing to admit to.)

Like, damn. Has his eyes always been that bright? Or has his smile always made Leon's heart beat out of his chest? What the hell is going on?

Turns out he'd been thinking out loud, and Raihan explained to him that he might be bisexual or pansexual. (While also jokingly saying something like, "How could you not be attracted to me.")

This took a huge weight off Leon's chest and helped him be more comfortable exploring his sexuality

Later figures out that he identifies as bi

Hop is the first person he comes out to officially (and they both cry.... a lot.)

Sonia

She/Her

Bi

(She figured out she was bi when she was a younger teenager)

(That may or may not have been when she realized that she was VERYYY gay for Nessa)

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solarpunk-0possum · 18 days

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since moving out west i've had a lot of opportunity for hands-on experience in progressive communities. the types of community i didn't really have access to in Iowa. i've also had opportunity to learn from Indigenous people through my Indigenous holistic health class.

The professor in that class facilitated a zoom call between our class an a Canadian 2-Spirit activist. I got the chance to ask a question. I identify as non-binary and I feel a strong solidarity with 2-spirit people. As part of decolonizing my own experience with gender I've found listening to Indigenous people yields genuinely good advice for finding healing.

I asked them what we, as white queer and nonbinary people, can do to be good allies to 2-Spirit folks. Their response was "address the racism in your communities."

One volunteer group I am in is almost entirely white. There are people of color involved but the leadership is predominantly white. the org is run by white people. now these are white people with decent values, in my opinion. they've been good to me, i feel safe with them, and i do feel like they have a good intention with the volunteer work. However, I am white. I fit in in that sense. I have cultural background that allows me to fit into this community, for better or for worse. I've had discussions with another white friend and we both are wondering what the experience of a Brown person might be in this org. We concluded there's a high chance it's uncomfortable. The people of color i've met that come by don't stick around very long.

This week was the first week I didn't go to our weekly outreach. I usually go and carry water down to folks living along the creek in town. I'll shoot the shit with people, play with dogs, talk about plants, pick up sharps, etc. I want to be clear- I think the work this org does is a net positive. I do think people appreciate what we do. We recently helped someone access an abortion, which felt very profound to me. I've really loved my time working with this org.

But to be fucken honest I just. I can't stand how white it is. I grew up in the whitest parts of the midwest and it drives me crazy. White American culture is kinda rotten even in progressive circles and we have a lot of fucking work to do.

I am going to stick around, but instead of going every week, I'm going to go every other. This just makes logistical sense and nobody will be upset with me about that. But that also gives me some emotional distance from the org, which I definitely need right now. I have this sneaking sense that there's going to be emotional conflict and drama. I fucking hate that shit. It's triggering tbh. The way that people communicate with each other in this org is kinda fucked up sometimes. It's very jokey, but it's jokey to an extent that can definitely get hurtful. That's the way my family communicates with each other and it's miserable.

I think it's a good idea to stick around, though, because I can make change in my own ways. I've been going every week since November, so I've built a certain level of trust. I can speak up about how white this org is. I'm not fucking around with the anti-racism. If that's what I can do to be a good ally to my 2-Spirit siblings than that's what I'm going to do. I don't care if I upset some fragile cisgender millennials. I'm going to do the right thing.

I mentioned earlier that my cultural background helps me fit in with these folks. I mean to use that! While I think the culture is rotten, I grew up where I did and I can't change that. I might as well use that cultural literacy to make positive change.

But I'm also wondering as to the longevity of this organization. We shall see. I'd really like it to last, because they definitely do good things.

#solarpunk #antiracism #nonbinary #as white members of marginalized groups it's really easy to forget that as hard as our experience is #we still benefit from being white #so we must look our privilege in the face and decide how we are going to use privilege to dismantle itself

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mlmxreader · 2 years

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Handsome Protector | Corinthian x nb!reader

Anonymous asked: Corinthian x Non-binary reader

“Im not going to catch you if you fall”

*proceeds to catch him anyways*

summary: Corinthiam is always going to protect you, he'll always be protective of you and he'll always make sure that you're safe.

tws: swearing, mentions of violence/murder

Corinthian had always been protective of you, no matter what situation you were in and whether or not something bad happening was your fault, he was always in your corner and he was always protecting you; when you came out to him as nonbinary, though, nothing actually changed between you. He was just as protective, he was just as supportive as he had always been. Still, that protective streak could be both a blessing and a curse if you were really honest about it.

On the one hand, his protection had meant that you didn't need to worry about a single thing when you went out with him; he would kill anyone who so much as looked at you the wrong way, and he wouldn't need to think twice about it. Their eyes were his. He didn't give a shit if they were a Tory politician or just an average cunt, he would kill them if they even breathed in your direction in a way he didn't like.

But on the other hand, it also meant that you were almost constantly worrying about him getting caught when he was killing; but he would offer words of reassurance and you would stop worrying temporarily. It never lasted long, though.

Still, Corinthian was protective in almost every situation and in any setting; he had every right to be, though. He was a nightmare, which meant that Dream and his allies could come for you at any moment in order to use you as bait in order to get to the Corinthian. He was a serial killer, which meant that others could come for you at any moment in order to try and get to him and to prove that they were better. He had every right to be protective. Even at night, if he was at home, he would lie next to you, letting you cuddle into him so that he could protect you from the cold, and he would longer in the back of your dreams to chase off any other nightmares. He protected you, even when you didn't know it.

As he watched you climb up onto the counter in order to reach something at the very back of the top of the cupboard, Corinthian sighed; you were always doing things like this, things that could border on stupid and dangerous, and as he watched with his hands in his pockets, he shook his head.

"I'm not going to catch you if you fall."

"I'm not gonna fall," you told him, although when your foot slipped on the edge, you swallowed thickly, your eyes wide as you tried to find your footing, but your other foot slipped, and you felt yourself go backwards.

Before you could hit the floor, though, you felt two arms holding you; one across the back of your shoulders, the other on your lower back. A soft chuckle sounded through the kitchen as Corinthian held you for a moment.

"You were saying?"

"I thought you said you wouldn't catch me," you grinned up at him, able to see your reflection in those dark sunglasses. "You lied."

Corinthian shook his head, helping you up and getting you to sit up on the counter; he ran his hands over your body, checking for injuries as he frowned. "Did you hurt yourself?"

"No," you shook your head. "I had you to make sure of that."

He hummed, daring to kiss your forehead so sweetly as he laid his hand at the back of your neck and drummed his fingers on the soft flesh. "You'll always have me to make sure of that, puppy, don't worry."

You couldn't help but to smile again, moving a little closer so that your legs were either side of his waist; you had to admit, he looked good when he was dressed down. Medium grey t-shirt that showed off his arms, grey jogging bottoms that hung loosely around his waist and left little to the imagination yet somehow it was just enough, the silver chain around his neck. He was always handsome, though. Your handsome protector.

"Always?"

"Always," he nodded, knowing that it was as true as it could be. Sure, he wasn't always around, but Corinthian always made sure that, at the very least, you were safe from those who would have wanted to take you away from him. "I'll always make sure you're safe."

"I love you," you whispered, not expecting him to say it back. You weren't sure if you wanted him to, but when he pressed his lips to your throat and sucked and bit at the soft skin, you knew that he felt the same, and you groaned softly as you laced a hand in his hair. "Corinthian? I love you."

if you liked this fic, REBLOG IT - you SHOULD reblog it; spam likers WILL be blocked. as will blogs that refuse to reblog or to give feedback. if you don't wanna reblog, then you'll get blocked; reblogging is the BARE MINIMUM. don't just "like", REBLOG

#mlem writes #the corinthian x y/n #the corinthian x reader #corinthian x you #corinthian x y/n #corinthian x reader #the corinthian imagine #Corinthian imagine #corinthian #the corinthian #the sandman x reader #the sandman imagine #sandman imagine #sandman x reader #the sandman #sandman

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sapphos-darlings · 10 months

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Are you a radfem? You've reblogged from radfems before and share a lot of detrans stuff, I like your blog but I don't feel really welcome and safe with stuff like that

Hi! We're two people running this blog, and no, this is not a radfem blog, this is a wlw/female positivity blog, run by two people who fall under these two categories ourselves.

Detransitioning also isn't automatically a political statement, please do not label it as such; when we started this blog, I was still living as a transgender man whose history and present still heavily tied me to the wlw community. However, HRT was making me very sick and not actually masculinising my body, and ultimately it was both better for my physical and mental health to first go off HRT, and when living as a man didn't get any easier through that, detransition. Most detransitioned people aren't detransitioning because of an agenda, and furthermore, while plenty remain allied to the LGBT community, most are still part of it - myself, as a bisexual gender non-conforming person who has no intentions of ever entering a heterosexual relationship, for example, and a person who does not feel that I am any more cisgender now than I have ever been. Others detransition from a binary gender identity to a nonbinary one, ceasing transition but remaining somewhere inbetween socially and where they feel themselves to align internally. Many of us, like myself, still regard ourselves under the wider transgender community: for myself, because I am not and have not and will not be cisgender, even if I am socially presenting as my assigned sex. People who know me more know that my experience with gender goes much beyond simplistic labels and assigning any beyond the factual "detrans female/woman" to what all of the above means is very difficult, but it's a private matter to me, like most things concerning deeply personal aspects of my life.

As per the blogs we reblog from - to be completely honest, we don't vet them, and have no intention of doing so in the future, as upsetting as this might be to hear for people who may feel unsafe coming across posts from users they're uncomfortable with. Most of our posts come from the tags and as long as they're not inflammatory and upsetting in themselves, we have no reason to be skulking through the sources or cultivating a blocklist of blogs we overall don't agree with. So there's going to be all kinds of ideologies, bad takes, drama, horrible people behind the urls. I quite honestly wouldn't know if I reblogged a tradfem post from a deep-end Catholic, anti-gay user/source (such as a quote) if the post itself somehow innocently floated into the wlw tag and was talking about cottagecore romance or some equally benign subject. The reason for this is simply that vetting each and every blog we scroll past would make running this blog extremely draining and require such specific hard rules to be established between the two of us posting here about what is a "good" blog to be reblogging from and what is a "bad" blog - there isn't one blog out there that we both 100% agree with, or find non-controversial, and we quite simply do not have the required energy to be putting into something like that.

You, however, as someone who scrolls through our blog, are more than welcome to block and blacklist urls and blogs that you see reblogged here. You control your exposure, you control whose thoughts you feel comfortable engaging with. This is absolutely, 100% fine to be doing. You never need to agree with anything we post, or with any user or post that we reblog here. We're posting here mostly for ourselves, what we relate to, in the hopes that someone out there relates to it as well. That's... really about as deep as it goes.

In order to help curate your experience, beyond Tumblr's own blacklist and block functions, for desktop users I highly recommend installing New XKit (Chrome/Firefox) and/or Tumblr Savior (Chrome/Firefox), which will make it much more reliable to vanish users and posts from your curated feed.

Hope this clears things up!

#ask #mod sade

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todaslocas · 7 months

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Why we should use EVERYONE'S preferred pronouns, not just the people we respect.

Hey y'all, I have a few free hours tonight, so I want to take this time to address a trend I see among trans people and trans allies that honestly kind of disturbs me. To illustrate my point better, I'm going to use the example of how people reacted to whole situation surrounding SkyDoesMinecraft.

For those unaware, SkyDoesMinecraft was an incredibly popular Minecraft youtuber in the early 2010s, who in the past few years has come out as nonbinary, as well as been outed as a physical and emotional abuser by their ex wife and former friends. I want to be clear that I am in no way defending anything they did, nor am I claiming that they deserve our respect or their victims' forgiveness. This isn't even really about them. What I want to talk about is how people reacted to it.

Fans of theirs felt understandably upset and betrayed by this, and because of that, many people, including trans people and trans allies, stopped using their preferred pronouns. This seems like an understandable decision, and even I don't respect them enough to want to honor anything they want from us. However, I believe that refusing to honor someone's pronouns because of the deplorable things they've done has some disturbing implications for trans people in general.

The idea that you should stop honoring someone's pronouns if they do something bad implies that being referred to with your correct pronouns isn't something you're entitled to, but rather that it's a privilege that can be revoked. It implies that if you feel like you have a good reason, you can stop respecting someone's pronouns whenever you want to. It implies that trans people need to prove themselves in order to be perceived as who they are.

We aren't referring to people like Colleen Ballinger, a predator, with He/Him pronouns. If we did then fine, but we're not. And the reason we're not is that she wasn't assigned male at birth. Her biological sex doesn't just line up with her gender identity, it also lines up with the gender people perceive her as. Referring to SkyDoesMinecraft with he/him pronouns implies that they were never nonbinary to begin with, that we saw them as male even before we knew about everything they did, and were only entertaining the idea that they were something else out of respect.

To me, it's similar to calling a gay person who's done horrible things the f slur. Them being a horrible person doesn't suddenly make that not homophobic. In the same way, intentionally referring to someone with their dead name and using their old pronouns is ALWAYS transphobic regardless of how good of a person they are, and doing so only normalizes that behavior.

Don't refer to SkyDoesMinecraft and other awful trans people with their preferred pronouns because you respect them. They don't deserve your respect. Instead, do it because you respect trans people. Do it because ALL trans people are valid in their identity. Do it because you understand that trans people aren't just asking you to tolerate some fantasy, but to accept them for who they are.

Our identity is not revocable.

#pronouns #gender identity #gender #queer #transgender #nonbinary #trans rights #skydoesminecraft

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smartzelda · 7 months

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I'm really curious about your thoughts on zadr for the ship bingo!

Sorry it's taken me so long to answer!😅

(I hope this was the right bingo)

Haha I have read so many fics

There are a lot of Invader Zim ships I like but WOOF this one, man. It's just so fun and entertaining

Do I even need to explain? Constant drama. So much angst potential. They're at each other's throats, they're the only person either of them can actually rely on and yet they don't trust each other at all, they're the only people who understand each other and yet they just don't get each other. They'll be friendly for 5 minutes and one will backstab the other for no reason. It's not unheard of for their conflict to escalate to tbe point one attempts to kill the other, and yet neither can operate without the other. They have in a sense become dependent on the other's existence for enjoyment, for motivation, and have grown to crave attention from the other. They are a complex toxic mess (it really is no wonder why I flocked to lawlight immediately after thinking about zadr for months)

Listen LISTEN. Zim is nonbinary. Neither boy nor girl? Both? Gender apathetic? Gender fluid? It does not matter. He is Zim. Gender is queer. Dib is a trans man to me.

This is probably the most concise way to describe what their relationship is to me. I don't know how to explain that zadr, zadf, and zade are all true to me. At once. It's complicated! They want to kill each other and dissect and study and tear apart and ruin each other and yet they couldn't handle the other being dead. They could be friends while dating separate people and yet be so wildly close. They're possessive. They're the only ones allowed to be this close to each other as friends, they're the only ones allowed to hurt the other this way and try to kill them this way, they're the only one the other should desire to this extent. There is a minimum level of attention they should have on the other, whether friends or enemies. They've never hated a person so viscerally. They've never loved a person so passionately. They could live together domestically and be life partners without ever desiring what is usual in a romantic or sexual relationship. When they get older tension tends to snap and they swap kisses on the battlefield. They're scientists at heart, so romance and sexuality is an extension of their curiosity. And yet if they ever came to desire each other they'd never admit it. It's its own nebulous thing. They can never be fully platonic, fully romantic, just enemies. No matter what form their relationship takes (allies, enemies, best friends, lovers, etc) there's always SOMETHING that makes it different and sets it apart. And that is something that makes them appeal to me

Combining both unhealthy in a good way and a bad way here. Unhealthy in a bad way is clear. Kind of obsession and passion that makes them so much worse. Like you put them in the same room and you can be surprised how much more awful they can get. And yet it's unhealthy in a good way like...like that redit post about how they're toxic but they're better together than apart ("never involve anyone else in what you have going on"). And yet while they clearly make each other worse, they also have the possibility of making each other better at the same time. If they admit to themselves that they care about each other, it's sort of an irrevocable change to their personality. They will never be able to be ruthless in the same way. In every universe they exist, they find each other (canon to the comics), and they make each other better and worse at the same time with the relationship they share.

I may not be rotating them as hard as I was even a year ago but by GOD can I go off about them. They are so funky. Every time I get back on them again the microwave becomes a taffy puller

Sorry they've never dated but they have the vibes sometimes. Especially in aus where one of them leaves for an extended anount of time or they stop seeing each other for a while and feel as if the other has stopped wanting to oppose them.

🥲💖👍

Ahahaha would this ever happen in canon? Extremely unlikely. But I myself have bamboozled myself into Zim/Dib/Keef/Zib/Zim2, and if I'm being real with you, I could probably convince myself into any number of pairings between any different Zims or Dibs with those 5. This is an infinite possibility polycule that would never happen. But I love it

Okay, so for the record, this fandom understands them better than a lot of other fandoms I've been getting into understand my favs, but regardless. Their relationship is just so complex to me, so it’s hard to reduce it to any given trope or relationship type

ㅤ

Thanks for the ask!! I hope you got the answer you were looking for

Although of course, if you want to ask specific questions on how I feel about them or what I think, go for it. I'm always happy to infodump out my (often complex and not always easy to understand) strings of thoughts

#ask game #ship ask #ship bingo #zadr #invader zim

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rjalker · 9 months

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Why do people need to have it explained in 2023 that if you say "trans people's feelings shouldn't dictate how I run my blog" when literally all you're being asked to do is edit like, five extremely short posts to stop misgendering someone, that...literally just means you're a transmisic? Like? This is not even remotely in question? You're just transmisic! You are behaving no better from any cis transmisic or TERF!

Your argument for not correcting misgendering is literally identical to that of any fucking raging conservative off Twitter!

You think trans people's feelings aren't important enough to take less than ten minutes out of your day to edit a handful of very short posts that show up in the main tag of the character you're misgendering, to correct misgendering?

You think correcting your posts where you misgender someone is too much effort and a waste of time and not a priority?

And claim you just don't have the energy to deal with it because you're disabled, all while you literally go out of your way to expend 400% more energy to argue about it *and misgender the person you're arguing with* than it would have taken you to just edit the posts in the first place?

You're really more offended by *being asked to edit posts to stop misgendering someone* than you are upset by the fact that you accidentally misgendered someone in the first place?

And you think you're an ally to trans people? When you are literally repeating the exact same bigotry as any random trans-hating cis person off the street???

If you misgender someone by accident, great, that's fine, and not your fault that you were literally lied to about what pronouns to use. But once you know you were misgendering the person, it is in fact a fucking obligation to go back and edit the posts in question so you stop misgendendering the person. Yes, even if it's "just a fictional character".

Misgendering canonically trans and nonbinary characters affects real fucking trans and nonbinary people and encourages bigots in fandom to continue being bigoted. How you fucking treat marginalized fictional characters is a mirror image of how you treat real marginalized people.

And if, after explicitly being asked to do so, you refuse to edit posts where you misgender someone, because you think "trans people's feelings shouldn't dictate how I run my blog"...please just fucking admit you hate trans people and save us all the effort. Yes, even if you're also fucking trans and use neopronouns. Why do you think being trans means it's okay for you to defend misgendering.

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kyofsonder · 3 months

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Literally why are yall wishing deayh upon tumblrs ceo over this huge load of nothing? that person was always posting nudes like... yall are embarrassingly yallselves FR.

I don't know what the person who was banned posted prior to the ban. I actually don't follow her and didn't prior to this situation. I do know that what she posted that got her banned was (as far as I'm aware) not a violation of Tumblr TOS and definitley not a nude photo. I do know that this is far from the first time Tumblr's staff and CEO have struck out at harmless posts and hidden behind "Well, there were OTHER things this person posted BEFORE that we didn't like either" and that they almost exclusively target trans women and nonbinary people -- especially transfeminine people -- when they do this song and dance. I do know that this is far from the first time they've ignored the ACTUAL spam bot issues of tag spamming and literal porn posting in favor of targeting real human users for things like generic selfies (which is what got this particular user banned this time) and slightly over-the-top joke posts. I do know that Tumblr as a culture has issues with suspecting trans women of wrongdoing for flimsy reasons, which has been emboldened by staff in the past.

Is joking about wanting the CEO to die an over-the-top reaction, when what we really want is justice and an overall shift in the culture that normalizes transphobia and misogyny and transmisogyny on a systemic level? Are the people who mean it more sincerely than I do and truly want him dead being unfair because they're devaluing a human life in a fit of anger?

Probably. Yeah. I always keep the post that says "deserving is fake and death is bad" in my mind in times like this, and you're right that death isn't a fair thing to wish on even a transphobe. We should definitley all be internalizing "deserving is fake and death is bad" and working on our emotional processing so that isn't where we immediately go when we think of justice and retribution for the injustice we and members of our community/communities have faced. Break the cycle of violence and all that.

But at the same time, not only is that intensive work to be done on an individual-by-individual basis, this is communal catharsis. This is grasping at harsh words and extreme fantasies because we have seen so little real, material justice when one of our own is cast out from a communal space or otherwise denied community or support. When systemic injustic like trans women being targeted -- whether they've done anything wrong in the past or not -- for perfectly innocent posts and being barred from a community where they're meant to be safe happens, there's a very real historic rage in us that needs somewhere to go. In some it's quiet, in some it's less directly connected from the history it comes from, but we're all members and allies of the trans community and we all feel the need for that catharsis.

When a CEO who owns a whole company uses his power like a hammer and slams that down on any individual he wants, like playing Whack-a-Mole at the whim of his investors and algorithms and what little he may know of the demographics his investors favor, it's an understandable knee-jerk reaction that we would wish we also had hammers to return equalizing force on him. It's understandable that we would want the whole system changed and, exhausted by how little we've succeeded to do that on most scales as a community over the years, we wish for a whole restart and the death of the one who's perpetuating the harm.

It's an overreaction. Deserving is fake and death is bad. But it's rooted in things too deep and too messy to untangle, and it clumsily communicates what we're really trying to say: fix things. Make it better. Death to injustice, in so far as we can kill injustice as a thing. Death to harm, in so far as we can kill harm as an act. Death not so much to one CEO or to the staff or to Tumblr as a site, but to the culture of suspicion and malice that continues to target and pick apart trans people.

We just want people to be able to live their lives and run their blogs and not get harassed over it, and if we're overreacting when one of our own is barred from doing that and it's the billionth one of our own in our communal history that's been banned from a communal space... I think, at least for a moment, until we collect ourselves and figure out the appropriate material response (like that harassment report I just reblogged, maybe), we probably deserve to use imprecise words and have over-the-top fantasies.

#sonder speaks #sonder replies #situational discourse #I guess #trans rights #trans justice #trans peace #that's all we're asking for #also the meme had a capybara #what do you think I'm gonna do #send a capybara to his house to bite him #no #I'm gonna fantasize about it maybe #but that would be dumb #what I'm actually gonna do is support things like that harrassment report #and celebrate any wins trans women get #the wishing death thing is not literal #reread my whole reply again if you need examples of how it is not literal

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farmerlesbian · 11 months

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5, 15, 21, 33

5. Are you “out” publicly? yeah! i am visibly lesbian and visibly trans/nonbinary/gnc and i flag very obviously almost all the time. i am publicly out to everyone. i'm not really able to hide it either if i wanted to.

15. How has your identity changed over time? oof well.. i .. hm. i spent a long time essentially unlabeled for my orientation because i struggled to reconcile being nonbinary and being into Ladies. and i hadn't really had many homo experiences so i wasn't even sure who i was into.

ok let's wind back a bit. so when i was a kid i knew something was.. there. i was incredibly afraid of it. (i guess now we're gonna answer the neurodivergent question haha) i couldn't even name it for myself in my own head. i would not. i was absolutely terrified.

now for context you need to know i was somewhat.. ostracized? i was lowkey bullied and i was very self-conscious, socially awkward, insecure, lonely. you know how people say little girls can tell someone is neurodivergent better than doctors? yeah. so i was extremely concerned with being Normal and being like accepted and having successful social interactions. i did not face concerns about family acceptance or religious homophobia or transphobia. this was about peer acceptance and social isolation/success.

so this is why i was terrified of the ... thing i could not name. so i wouldn't even say i was closeted because i wasn't out to myself. i remember.. telling myself something along the lines of.. like needing to be strong, and keep this secret forever and never let it out never tell anyone, ever. if i can do that it will be okay. this hyper-vigilance.

so i self identified as "boy-crazy", as a half-subconscious strategy to avoid scrutiny. i also tried very hard to make sure to act very Normal about girls and not be too avoidant with my eyes. i developed crushes on boys. now to be clear looking back on it, i intentionally did this and made sure to be conspicuous about it. oh what a time. i even had boyfriends.

around high school time i was on the internet a lot. i added tumblr to the websites i was going on and i found nonbinary people. i was fascinated by androgyny and nonbinary people, and i was learning about like social justice stuff a lot and i was like kinda Ally mode. i can't remember much exactly, i was also very much sleep deprived for much of later high school and mentally not well. i was friends with some gay people. i knew some people who were out by this time. i don't think i was thinking of myself as gay at this time yet. probably open to the idea of neutrality as a gender at this time. if i'd known a word for it i probably would have claimed it and identified with it.

then i went to college and i think something inside me knew i was like planning to be gay in college? like i completely subconsciously was like waiting for it. i was still deeply nervous and afraid but i was around a lot of new people and it's socially acceptable / normal to like experiment and stuff in college. i started experimenting with expressing attraction to women when talking with friends, or using words for myself like butch or dyke. (i didn't really know what the words meant i just was trying them on). i was around a lot more people who were out. i started trying out flirting with girls. i probably thought of myself as bi around this time.

then sophomore year i ended up on in 'gender inclusive housing' - a floor of one door building where any people could be roommates regardless of gender. we called it the queer floor. my RA was trans, manyyy of my floormates were lgbtq. there were a handful of straight people of the floor but the majority were queer. it was dramatic but fun honestly and an incredible experience being surrounded by that, and all the people i met through these people. i definitely started identifying as nonbinary and neutrois and using they/them around this time. i think i used demigirl a little bit but didn't feel super strongly towards it. i met my now-wife in the spring. i don't recall using any super specific words for my orientation other than like queer. i didn't know for sure what my orientation was so i was just keepin it vague. i didn't even really know for sure my gender i just knew somethin was going on!

couple years went by and i met a lesbian friend i became close with and i became more comfortable claiming it as an identity, at the same time as being nonbinary. around that time i started this blog.

and more years have gone by and i still feel like lesbian and nonbinary are true. I feel more secure and confident in being able to be both not a woman or girl or aligned with it at all and also being a lesbian, as well as confident in being into some nonbinary people and still being a lesbian. i think the specifics of my gender labels would include: trans, nonbinary, transgender and transsexual, transmasc (i guess? i'm unsure how i feel about this label and its usefulness in general or its accuracy for me. i kinda feel like sure i guess it is technically correct), neutrois, androgyne, neutral. stuff along those lines.

21. What message would you give to your younger self? bro... i don't even know. "it doesn't have to be great or even good, it just needs to be done". "it's okay to be gay it's okay to say it, it isn't going to help you to try to hide it and you shouldn't expect yourself to keep that hidden away forever it will eat you up inside and you don't deserve that".

33. What about your LGBT identity do you feel proud of/ want to recognize/celebrate? I'm proud that I'm me! I'm proud to be a dyke. I'm proud to be nonbinary. I'm proud to be exactly who I am, whether it's popular or not, whether anyone else gets it or not. I'm proud to be one member of a vibrant and beautiful and messy family. 🌈

send asks / #ask farmer lesbian

#ask farmer lesbian #mod alfalfa #anonymous

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house-of-slayterr · 2 years

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Gay isn't an umbrella term for people who don't experience same sex attraction. If someone is asexual and heteroromantic or asexual and aromantic, they're not gay. Sounds like you're just grumpy gay and bi people exist. Aces aren't lgbt unless they're also lgbt because if they don't experience attraction to the same sex the community has nothing for them.

Gay is an umbrella term. Just like queer can be an umbrella term. I am gay because I am not straight. But I also happen to be gay because I like women, men and nonbinary people. While gay cause also be specific to only same sex attraction, or even more specifically, the male on male type, it can also be used to anyone who experiences attraction that isn’t heteronormative.

Where do I seem grumpy? I used to identify as Bi, and honestly that could still probably be a good descriptor for me. I like two or more genders in the queerplatonic context. So why would I be upset bi people existed?

Aces who aren’t explicitly experiencing same sex attraction, are also not experiencing opposite sex attractive. Therefore by your logic, if this would make them not “gay” it would also make them not “straight”. So maybe queer would be the better discriptor for them. They are not heterosexual, and some of them aren’t cigender.

This is simply one article explaining how the meanings and terms used by people in the lgbt community have changed over time, but there are plenty more.

Who do you suppose aro/ace non queerplatonic people belong? Because I assure you the straight people don’t want them. They dislike them like any other member of the lgbt community. Where else is a minority oppressed for their sexual and romantic express supposed to go, if those who face hardships like them, won’t accept them with open arms? The queer community would be no better than the straight community if we started to discriminate against people for their sexual orientations, or lack there of.

What’s it really hurting if we’re inclusive to those who need our love and support, and our collective powers? Nobody, that’s who. You lose nothing by sharing the space with those who sit on its edges. Human rights are not a pie that run out with each slice that is handed out. There are plenty enough to do around. What do you gain by beating your teeth at your own people? The A in LGBTQIA+ is for Aromantic and Asexuals, not Ally’s. For we are not Ally’s we are a branch of this community. It’s useless to cut off a living branch, simply because it doesn’t suit your aesthetics. It’s live is still valuable, dispute your abhorrent distaste for its existence.

Maybe spend less time fighting your own people by isolating them, and brandishing them with your false narratives of straight-hood. Spend a little more time upholding and protecting your own people. We are all fighting for the same things. To live our lives in effected by those who wish us harm. Our rights to love and marry who we chose, or chose not to. Our rights to be seen as the humans we are. Our human fucking rights.

So while you’re busy spreading your hatred, I’ll be over here protecting the ones who can’t protect themselves. Defending the communities from the wrath of exclusionary biggots like you. Unlike you I don’t wish to see the world burn, I simply want to bring its people closer to the peace and happiness we deserve.

#fuck you anon #piss off #lgbt oppression #lgbt rights #ace pride #aro pride #aromantic #aromantic asexual #asexual #pride #pride month #happy pride 🌈#fight for your rights #human rights #acephobia #arophobia #lgbt #lgbtqia

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magentagalaxies · 1 year

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Jessamine Accidentally Writes An Essay About Two Conversations Ze's Totally Normal About

one of my beloved mutuals (@souplover13) is reblogging a lot of queerpunk posts tonight which just reminded me of two conversations i want to document. yes this story involves paul bellini why wouldn't it (fr tho i was considering not making this a post bc i was like oh god do people really want to hear me ramble about these 63-year-old gay dudes again maybe i should give it a rest but whatever it's my blog and if people don't like it why are they even following me this is all we do here)

anyway the story actually begins with a conversation i had with my parents earlier today. now, i'm lucky enough to have parents that are constantly trying their best to be good allys and are always learning to do better. they're not perfect, but they want to learn. while at lunch today my dad took a picture of me and my mom together since i won't be home again for a few months and he affectionately said "my girls." i've been out to my parents as nonbinary for around a year, but i let it slide since my gender wasn't the most important part of that sentiment, more the fact that it was a nice family moment.

a beat later my mom corrects "girl and person," and while i am grateful for her seeing that i'm not a girl, this type of correction always makes me feel more awkward than being misgendered. like, the point of my dad calling me "his girl" was this tone of familial affection, but the word "person" just feels cold and distant, which is something i struggle with in a lot of gender neutral language. but beyond that, it's just this weird separation. i jokingly correct my mom again, saying "hey, we're both people."

the conversation continues and eventually my mom asks if it bothers me when people call me "girl" like that. and the truth is: i don't know. it bothers me a little, but the forced neutrality bothers me more, and honestly i don't really care what gendered language someone uses for me as long as they mean it in a way that shows me they care. like, i'd rather be called girl affectionately than be called "genderqueer nonbinary person with a strained relationship to androgyny who uses ze/zir pronouns and feels represented by the word transfeminine" in a derogatory way. I respond "it's contextual," but that's not a satisfactory answer. the conversation moves on to a nonbinary person who stops by my mom's work often and how my mom's had to correct some of the older employees to stop calling them a girl, since times are changing.

the second conversation is from a few weeks ago when i first visited canada to help with the mouth congress concert and got to have lunch with paul bellini beforehand. at one point the conversation developed into paul asking me what being "nonbinary" means for me personally. it was clear he wasn't intimately familiar with the concept (though to his credit he did have more experience with it than i expected), and some of his assumptions were inaccurate to my experience, but he listened intently as i described my experience not knowing how to specifically label my gender but just knowing i don't want to be seen as a cis woman while also having no desire to be fully male. he related it to his own experience as a gay man with his own complex relationship to masculinity and femininity, acknowledging it's not the exact same, and by the end of our conversation i truly felt like he respected my unique relationship to gender even if there were certain parts he still needed to process.

but most importantly, it was funny. granted our conversation was a unique case since both individuals were queer comedians from different generations, but approaching the strange concept of gender identity with humor made it so much more comfortable. paul described being a little feminine gay kid and thinking "i'm not a boy or a girl, i'm a god" and i responded that's it exactly. i brought up the mouth congress song she-male: master of the universe, saying the vision of a vengeful genderqueer space goddess is the most represented i've felt by a piece of media, only half joking. but also there were times when i made jokes about failing at gender (e.g. referencing a group of "girls" at my high school who made me realize i'm nonbinary since i always felt weird for being the least feminine person when we hung out, and then the fact that several of them came out as transmasc after graduation meaning now they can be better than me at being trans as well) and while paul acknowledged the joke he also assured me i was exactly where i needed to be in terms of my gender presentation, and honestly i'm kind of tearing up just thinking about it.

paul never asked me for my pronouns, but to be fair i did somewhat volunteer them in the form of a joke: "i use any pronouns, but i will silently judge you based on what you do with that information." that line got a laugh.

I told the same line to my parents after our "girl" conversation today, earning only confusion, and it made me realize something: so much of modern trans allyship centers entirely around language, be it pronouns or recognizing the lack of neutrality in our everyday speech. and while these things are certainly important, that's not understanding. cishet allys so often want to be able to say the right thing, so they approach the subject as learning the rules for how to incorporate this new approach to gender into their lexicon. i think there's something to be said for how this parallels how we're often taught about cis gender roles: these are the rules you follow to be a man or woman. when you find out someone doesn't fit neatly into those boxes, it's natural to ask "okay, what are your rules?" this also leads to some cis people (even gay cis people) complaining about how "you can't say anything these days" since it's portrayed as just another set of rules you need to learn.

but honestly, i don't know what my gender rules should be. my approach to gender lately has been the equivalent of "idk dude i just work here," i don't know where i specifically fit in but i do know how i feel inside. the answer "it's contextual" doesn't give you the cheat codes to gendering me correctly, because even i don't know how to gender myself correctly half the time. however, more importantly imo it gives you a window into how it feels to be me, a nonbinary person with complicated relationships to every facet of gender who's decided to stop expecting language to fully represent me but still has to deal with language being applied to me all the time. my nonbinary gender is confusing as hell, and i'm tired of having to pretend it's not as if that's the only way it's worthy of respect. every gender (including cis genders) is confusing as hell, and it's only when we all accept this fact that we can actually make a meaningful connection.

as my parents and i were driving away from the restaurant my only thought was i wonder how my dad would've referred to that photo if it was my brother and my mom in the picture. would he have said "girl and boy?" or "girl and person?" or would he have simply said "family"

#soup i tagged you bc i feel like you'd be interested in this #tbh i didn't plan on this being as long as it is but whatever i clearly needed to process something #tbh i'm kind of rolling my eyes at myself like ''ah great another paul bellini post'' but like #having an older queer comedian mentor actually really means a lot to me and i think i'm allowed to celebrate that #also honestly didn't realize how much the genuinely compassionate response to my high school joke actually meant to me until this moment???#like in the moment i was like ''no that was a joke isn't it funny the same group of people made me feel inadequate in multiple genders''#but now i'm like wait. oh. i've been holding onto that idea that i'm not good enough. insert crying cat meme #also shoutout to another anecdote from that paul conversation:#apparently he has a younger cousin who's a trans girl and he brought scott with him to visit them for christmas this year #and he said ''that cousin and scott ended up having one of those conversations where everyone around them is on edge bc any second someone #could say the wrong thing. it was awesome'' and like unironically i agree???#like yeah having someone say something accidentally transphobic is shitty but one thing i enjoy about scott it he's not a performative ally #if he doesn't get something he will say it. and tbh at this point i've been around enough people who know all the language #but don't really get it or worse think the opposite #that watching someone like that is honestly refreshing

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elshells · 11 months

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💙🌈 for the ask thingy <3

💙 - When you first learned about the Queer community, did you immediately realize ‘That’s me!’ Or did you consider yourself a ‘really good ally’ for some time?

It definitely didn't hit me immediately that I wasn't straight. I learned that gay people existed when I was really young, but for a long time, I didn't understand that sexuality was a spectrum. I thought you were either gay, or you weren't. And I just assumed I was a straight ally, which is kind of odd because I didn't develop any male crushes until I was in seventh or eighth grade. On the flip side, I've always been attracted to women, so I don't know why I ever thought I was straight in the first place. I have a supportive family and I live in an environment that's generally accepting of the LGBTQIA+ community, but I guess I was still just so conditioned to the idea of heterosexuality that I assumed I would get there at some point?

I began to question myself after having a conversation with my sister where she explained bisexuality to me. There's more to it than that, but TLDR, she told me how some people were able to be attracted to both men and women (which was the most common description for it at the time), and I had a System Error. It was like, "Wait, that was an option the whole time?" Which eventually led to the Realization and Acceptance of the fact that I was bi, and even then, I was too afraid to talk about. As of now, I've been out and open for a year!

🌈 - What's a Queer Identity, Experience or a piece of History you feel deserves more recognition?

I definitely feel that ace and nonbinary people deserve more positive attention, both in an out of the community. People on the ace spectrum tend to get overlooked as 'late bloomers' and thus aren't taken seriously, to the point that ace people themselves don't even realize they belong in the community (at least in my experience). But they absolutely do, and I wish more people understood and accepted that!

Also, society in general needs to do better with education about nonbinary identities, and especially pronouns. Even if it's not malicious ignorance, so many people get confused and have a hard time remembering to use the correct pronouns for those who don't identify with what they were assigned. It needs to be normalized the way the binary genders are.

#thank you for the ask!#lgtbqia+#pride month #queer asks #ella thinks

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x31043 · 1 year

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I guess im just bothered that when youre born an called a woman youre then constantly told to shut upforever,but when the opposite is true youre constantly encouraged to speak up.Youre ridiculed for not doing it, but to me thats different than being hurt or even killed FOR doing it. That means that childhood sucks. Adolescence sucks. Youre really in a place of forced subservience for your whole existence. You have to break out of that so hard. Youre physically smaller. You are trained to ignore yourself until you are broken. You are trained to be something that someone uncaring will shove themselves in and take, take over. You are literally raised to be an object to be used and discarded. That is UNIVERSAL. I know some people epxerience that without being born & assigned women, but for those of us who are this is literally a universal experience. You are fucking made to be a fucking sex robot and a servant and an agreeable nodding nothing whose opinions dont matter and nothing else. You are TRAINED in social cues and spend your whole life noticing every little thing and forcibly keeping all your opinions inside. Everyone should be lifting our voices up!!! Trans people should be screaming up at the sky not at others to keep their voices down!!

This literally makes me want to scream. Women are not treated better than men. Why would trans men be treated better than trans women? Where are you seeing that, where??? They have SPECIFIC, DIFFERENT experienes and also many that are the same! Because its a fucking spectrum, remember that discourse? When youre trans it doesnt work all neatly in two categories like that. I look like a trans women. Many trans women look like me. Many of us are non-binary and our gender is basically the same regardless of how we were brought up. Why can you ask me my genitals now and if i dont answer i get canceled. what the FUCK is that. Why has it become like this. It started as “our experiences are different, we need a space to talk about the ways they are not the same.” and now its-- disclose whether youre dmab or dfab to be a good ally to trans women. We have to talk about it ALL THE TIME. WE have to go based off genital differences to determine how you are privileged or not. That’s not the fucking way to move our community forward or to connect as individulas. And Guess what?? Trans women don’t even want it!!!

TME is a term that trans women made for VERY SPECIFIC CIRCUMSTANCES. It can be applied to SPECIFIC CIRCUMSTANCES which require a very nuanced and exact language. I may be fucked up for saying this but There are times when trans mascs and butches face a speciifc, different type of transphobia to trans women, too. And they deserve a space to talk about it, too, while still DEFENDING trans fems from terfs. This seems fucking obvious to me. when its white ppl it all pales against transphobic racism anyway.

And that’s the long and short of it, bc trans women arent the ones I see taking about TME. They arent the ones actively claiming they have worse epxeriences with gender and dysphoria. Thats all like cute Nonbinary transmascs typically who are white telling me my experience was a lot easier than others in my community. And to me thats a part of this fucked up socialization--always talk youself down, and hold others like you accountable for reaching beyond their capacity. Other DFAB people telling me to shut up about my transness is fucking ironic in a way that doesn’t make me want to laugh. You were told to shut up your whole life, so now you’re going to put that on me?? Why are we doing this in the first place then?? WHy if not to reclaim the voice that was stolen from us?!

My genitals are thought of as absolutely inconceivable. The 20 pounds of weight on my chest is thought of as a dirty thing I literally need to press and constrain into tight and uncomfortable shapes or I will be violated when I go outside. Do you have any idea what that does to a kid? I bet you know what it does to an adult. It’s a very similar experience! We need a space to talk about this without being called terfs or told to check our TME privilege. I am going to one day be a man with a beard in a dress. Whats not clicking?

#i was raised in a rape culture as the target of that not the perpetrator #both have long-term impacts on psychological well-being #i was treated like a predator for being butch as a teenager and adult #that doesnt make me one #the same is true for all my beautiful strong gentle trans fem friends #i need people to know what its like #your voice is constantly stolen from you. it fucking hurts. it hurts so much #anyone who can identify with that experience i respect and adore with my whole heart #thats it like part of why i am so delighted and entranced by trans women is they see that and still adorn themselves and align with it thats #so fucking beautiful and inspiring to me #because the pain of what i went through is worth something if there are people in the world who look at womanhood not as violent condemnatio #n #but as hope and embodiment and restoration and light #so thats why i need a place to express my specific pain #so we can come together and realize like yeah. womanhood sucks. you are constantly targeted. it sucks the same for all of us #it is violent cruel and you are still worth it anyway #its a pain we are all feeling #vent #this is not for the public lmao i would never say this shit #to an audience #text

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ramblingtomcat · 2 years

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I need to vent a little bit. Lately I have seen this "trend" (well it's not really a trend I think but I've seen it a bit lately) where nonbinary people would say that if you have a cishet partner as a nonbinary person, that partner just sees you as your agab. And I find it very problematic, potentially harmful to say.

Because. Yeah. If your partner after you came out was like 'eh I don't care' and ignores your preferred pronouns and feelings - that doesn't sound healthy.

But to police somebody to label themselves differently after you coming out? I don't think it's that easy. Identity is something very personal and you shouldn't pressure someone to come out as something they don't know if they are now.

Sexuality is fluid. Gender Identity can be fluid too. I hate it that people get so judgy and dismissive of nonbinary people in relationships with straight people. Nonbinary people in "straight" relationships exist and not all of them are abusive or not respectful or not loving.

And all those people telling nonbinary people who say they're happy in their straight relationships that they're lying to themselves - are just fucking frustrating to deal with.

It comes off as super infantilizing, condescending and rude. You don't know shit about those relationships. And even if they were lying to themselves about being happy in that relationship it's just cruel to point out. As if you'd tell a bi person that "no worries, you'll eventually see that you're actually gay".

I read a comment that really resonated to me and it was along the lines of "this makes me more dysphoric than my straight boyfriend could ever make me".

And it's true. Implying your loved one might not love you for who you are just because they still consider themselves straight - it feels awful. And my partner isn't even heterosexual. They are cis though and in fact not attracted to the opposite of my agab. But that's a bit beside the point.

There's also the huge implications, that cishet partners couldn't go through with their nonbinary partners transitioning.

That leaves out a huge chunk of nonbinary people who don't wish to transition. Or nonbinary people whose pronouns aren't they/them. Or demigender/genderfluid/etc people who enjoy certain aspects of their agab. Or nonbinary people who like certain gendered terms.

Being nonbinary in a world that already doesn't see you is othering enough. Getting the same treatment from your own community? We don't need that shit.

I do believe people who make that point have good intentions and cishet people dating nonbinary people should think thoroughly about their feelings around gender and around their partners. But I also think that you should be respectful to people's relationships you don't know anything about.

So here's some questions I've got for you before you judge some straight/nonbinary relationship:

Do you know them? Preferably personally? Are you a close friend or something?

Do you know how both people identify?

Do you know if the nonbinary person has preferred pronouns and if they wanted their partner to use those pronouns when they came out?

Do you really care or do you project your own feelings on the relationship just because you had a bad experience with a cishet partner?

Is your opinion based on how the nonbinary person is presenting their gender?

I try to make a list for the cis straights too, because I don't want to let them off the hook easy. Because even if your partner is cool with you, you might want to be a better ally to them, so here's some things:

Respect them, their pronouns and them as a person. If you're unsure about anything, ask them and listen to them about how they're feeling. Don't make this about yourself.

Do your research. Look up some resources, so if you ask them certain things they don't need to explain the most basic things.

Ask yourself how you identify. Don't pressure yourself to identify in a certain way, but ask yourself what really are the aspects of your orientation. Maybe your partner is "the one exception", maybe not.

Think about gender. What is even gender? What makes you the gender you are?

Support them. Make them feel seen. Make them feel loved. And mean it. If you can't do it in the long run, it might not be a good fit.

I probably should sleep. It's almost 5 am.

#im tired #nonbinary #discourse #straight #allyship #genderqueer #relationship #straight nonbinary relationships

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fictionyoubelieve · 1 month

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my parents are getting older. They’ve always occasionally used the wrong name (calling me or my sibling by each other’s names or the names of other family members they’re around more often), but it’s become more frequent. What’s interesting is that my mom got a nonbinary coworker a couple years ago, so now she’ll also sometimes use “they” for one of us, even though nobody in the immediate family is trans/uses those pronouns.

I don’t know. I see posts sometimes saying “it’s really not hard to use the right name/pronouns for someone, cis allies need to do better”, and I get that it can absolutely be done in a hateful or intolerant way, but sometimes it is just hard and it has nothing to do with othering or intolerance. It’s just clumsy and imprecise language.

And it’s often hard to know the difference! We can’t ever really know what other people are thinking deep down. Language is all we have, and it falls short. And our nervous system is overly sensitive to potential threats for a good reason—it’s usually more costly to miss a threat than to treat something as a threat when it’s not.

But if there’s someone you trust, who seems to genuinely accept you, and they accidentally use the wrong name or pronoun sometimes, and you take that as a sign that they don’t really accept you/think of you the right way, that seems like an unhelpful thought pattern that would be better to break out of. It feels like it’s coming from the same place as fears that your friends don’t actually like you, or other negative self-talk. Building walls based on that doesn’t help anyone.

Everyone needs other people, even though other people are never perfect. Forgiveness and tolerance are incredibly powerful because they make for stronger relationships, and people do better together.

#btw it’s also very important to forgive and tolerate yourself #your relationship with yourself is important!

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