Behalte mich bitte in Erinnerung. Denn eines Tages wirst du mich das letzte Mal sehen und es nicht wissen.

Well-deserved solitude

There are moments in my life when I weirdly find peace in my solitude. I have no one, and that's okay. I lost all my friends, and that's okay too. I should never forget the reasons behind my solitude. If I allow someone into my life, the relationship will inevitably turn toxic, causing suffering for both parties. It's truly better to keep everyone at a distance. I wish I could consistently maintain this perspective and not overlook past toxic friendships. However, the ache of loneliness surfaces, and I yearn for someone to share my life with, someone who appreciates me and whom I reciprocate the feelings for. Yet, I must remember it's not worth it because the good times are fleeting. I wish I could always find peace in my solitude, but I know sadness will return. Nevertheless, I must resist the urge to give in. I have to acknowledge my toxicity and the harm I could inflict on others. I am the monster, and my solitude is a deserved penalty. Remember and never forget this realization.

Wohlverdiente Einsamkeit

Es gibt Momente in meinem Leben, in denen ich auf seltsame Weise Frieden in meiner Einsamkeit finde. Ich habe niemanden, und das ist in Ordnung. Ich habe all meine Freunde verloren, und auch das ist in Ordnung. Ich sollte die Gründe für meine Einsamkeit niemals vergessen. Wenn ich jemanden in mein Leben lasse, wird die Beziehung zwangsläufig toxisch und für beide Seiten leidvoll. Es ist wirklich besser, alle auf Distanz zu halten. Ich wünschte, ich könnte diese Perspektive konsequent aufrechterhalten und vergangene toxische Freundschaften nicht verdrängen. Dennoch tritt der Schmerz der Einsamkeit auf, und ich sehne mich nach jemandem, mit dem ich mein Leben teilen kann, jemandem, der mich schätzt und für den ich ebenfalls Gefühle habe. Doch ich muss mir bewusst machen, dass es nicht lohnt, denn die guten Zeiten sind flüchtig. Ich wünschte, ich könnte immer Frieden in meiner Einsamkeit finden, aber ich weiß, dass die Traurigkeit zurückkehren wird. Dennoch muss ich der Versuchung widerstehen, nachzugeben. Ich muss meine Toxizität anerkennen und die Schäden, die ich anderen zufügen könnte. Ich bin das Monster, und meine Einsamkeit ist eine verdiente Strafe. Erinnere dich daran und vergiss diese Erkenntnis niemals.

You think it sucked being depressed as a teen? You're absolutely right, but guess what is absolute hell?

Being depressed in your 20s. While everyone around you travels abroad, goes to university, starts their career, gets their first jobs, dates and has fun. And you are at home, basically just trying to survive the next day, knowing damn well that every single day you don't have a job or attend university will be used against you by a future employer IF you ever find the courage and strength to look for a job.

Oh and also everyone and their mom constantly make little remarks about how you still don't do anything, that you still live with your parents ("at some point it gets w e i r d") and guilttrips you about having fcking depression.

It's a neverending spirale of anxiety, guilt and depression.

Annnnddd we’re back to having no one in my life.

Quiero hablar con alguien

15/5/23

well, my new found “bestie” has been randomly icing me out, as has one of my other “besties.” im so fucking tired of being the person people use and discard. WHAT DID I DO. how can you go from talking about how much you love and adore me to just ignoring me and treating me like a god damn fucking parasite you want to get rid of??

i have talked more to ai than i have to actual people this week

guys i just realised im lowkey a loser loll!!!!!

giggity

i literally have no irl friends. sitting alone at lunch is most embarrassing part about it. i don’t have any more energy to put in effort. i’m done.

Never the special. Never the interesting. Not the important.

Damn, I'm lonely.

Me realizing we're nearing into a new year meanwhile I have done basically entirely nothing special this year other than spending most of it hating myself being alone and depressed.

@beyondthestars72 ⭐ . . . . . #fypシ #foryoupage #explorepage #exploremore #اكسبلور #shortlines #sadmeme #sadedit #sadquotespage #lofiedit #sadquotes #sadqoutes #sadlovequotes #sadlife #sadposts #sadthoughts #sadlove #foreveralone #sadtweet #nofriends #sadquotesaboutlove #brokenheartquotes #depressedquotes #teamfollowback #heart #pain #lovefailure #followforfollowback #followforfollow #likeforlikes https://www.instagram.com/p/Cf8osf6I_C9/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Creating a new tumblr account after almost 10 years was not the plan, yet here we are.

Insane Trust Issues As a Gen-Z Adult

yooo, going through a rough patch rn and could really use some advice or insight. Back in March 2022, I started working at McDonald’s in Dublin where I formed a tight-knit group with some coworkers. Bonding over the high stress of the job and personal interests like anime and K-pop made the days bearable. I became particularly close with Marcus, Destiny, Sofia, and Mariam. My connection with Sofia grew stronger over time, leading to a crush that I confessed to Marcus and Destiny but kept hidden due to her having a boyfriend. (I also helped her with her ex-bf issues later when she broke up with him, and also helped her with her math graduating high school; fyi she was nearly 20, only finishing high school 😭 ) Fast forward, after a vacation in Malaysia, I spiraled into depression due to feeling ignored online, which hit hard. Thankfully, Destiny was supportive during this time, understanding my struggles deeply as he shared similar challenges. Life seemed aiight for a while, celebrating birthdays and hanging out, but then things took a turn. I rejoined university after dropping out, hoping to progress in my physics degree, but found it isolating as cliques had already formed. (I transferred into third year physics instead of first) Balancing studies, a pantomime side gig, and personal time became overwhelming, leading to poor academic performance and mental health struggles. I deferred my semester to rethink my path, diving into coding and barista courses but nothing stuck. The discord among my friends began when online activities in my server "The Hidden Ward" led to rumors and misunderstandings about my behaviour, causing trust issues with Marcus and Destiny. The fallout was painful, and I was eventually ousted from my friend group, which included being blocked on snap and ig by Sofia without explanation some time later. (like wtf? even though we sent each other gifts and flowers irl) As if friend issues weren't enough, family pressures and academic failures compounded my stress. I also dumped my ex-gf who only cared about herself and her poor english made it harder to maintain it, with communication issues and all. I felt bad when I used her to fill a void in the midst of losing friends and attention. Despite repeated years and university switches, I'm still struggling academically and financially, reliant on my parents who are already burdened with my siblings' education. Ngl I've recently been trying to self-reflect and focus on what could be next for me but feel stuck and misunderstood, especially given my autism and ADHD. I'm really at a loss here and could use some guidance. How do you rebuild when it feels like every part of your life is crumbling? Any advice on handling isolation or improving my situation would be nice iwl 🥹 i have insane trust issues rn and i hate myself atm (If I ranted this to my ex-friends or my mom, they'd call me weak, beta and tell me to get on with it, but that's lame advice bc how?)

maybe I’m boring