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immaturityofthomasastruc · 3 years

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IOTA Reviews: Sole Crusher

Well... It's finally here... the episode introducing the new bee hero. And what do you know? It looks like I was right about how the new character would be portrayed.

It's kind of funny how I made predictions exaggerating what could happen, and they were surprisingly accurate. Isn't that funny?

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Let's just get into the seventh (chronologically the seventh and the seventh episode in the season to air after “Mr. Pigeon 72”) episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fourth season: Sole Crusher. Damn, I hate that a pun this clever was used for the title.

We get to the point pretty quickly with the first scene being Zoe arriving in Paris and getting a tour of the city. She asks to stop at the Dupain-Cheng bakery, where she meets Marinette through some brief Unfunny Marinette Slapstick. The two quickly strike up a conversation.

I mean, it's not like Zoe is the sister of the absolute worst human being in existence, right?

Marinette compliments Zoe's shoes, and she points out that she designed them herself, and wrote every good thing anyone has ever said to her on them. But because she only has one friend, there's only a standard “I <3 U” on the left shoe.

So Zoe leaves the bakery and heads to Le Grand Paris where she meets her mother, Audrey. Unlike how she talked with Marinette, Zoe pretends to be just as snobby as Audrey in order to fit in. She then meets up with Chloe, who criticizes her for having poor person things like a phone without any diamonds embedded in it. And then she sees Zoe's shoes.

Look, that meme was already dated when it was referenced in Black Panther three years ago. Please don't try to reference memes in 2021, Miraculous Ladybug.

Chloe offers some golden heels while saying that those kind of shoes are for winners to wear and crush the losers underneath. This is the only episode to mention this kind of ideology, and believe me, it gets worse when Chloe decides to teach Zoe how to be like her.

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Get used to this. This episode is all about demolishing any semblance of likability in Chloe's character. Now that Astruc doesn't have to bother with writing Chloe with decency since she's not Queen Bee, watch as he turns her into an absolute caricature of her former self.

Yes, Chloe has ordered her father to give her a lot of frivolous things in the past, but she has been shown to care about him, like immediately rushing to hug him after she was safe in “Origins” and showing concern for when he was akumatized into Malediktator while apologizing for causing it. For the love of God, one of the first things she did when she allied with Hawkmoth at the end of Season 3 was to have him unto her parents' akumatization. I guess she only cared about her rich parents for their status and not because she actually loved them right?

Next up on the list of Chloe's positive qualities to ruin is her friendship with Sabrina.

🎶It's seven o'clock in the morning🎶 🎶I can't believe they made this scene🎶 🎶With the writing Astruc's enforcing🎶 🎶It's like he's trying to piss off me🎶

Yep, Chloe doesn't view Sabrina in a twisted view of friendship anymore. Now she's a slave. I'm not exaggerating by the way, he actually said that in a tweet.

THIS IS WHAT THOMAS ASTRUC ACTUALLY BELIEVES

Okay, so I guess all those times we saw Chloe playing superheroes with Sabrina in “Antibug” and “Miraculer” were just a slave driver playing with their property. Actually apologizing to Sabrina for getting her akumatized in those episodes? Protecting her from the Scarlet Akumas in “Ladybug”? She was just interested in keeping her slave around. I think Astruc may have slept through the slavery unit in his history class. Yes, Sabrina was mostly used as a joke to show how controlling Chloe could be, but there were still semblances of an actual friendship between the two.

Chloe arrives at school and introduces Zoe as her half-sister, despite being the same age and having the same mother. Because I guess we can add basic biology to the list of things the writers don't understand. Now that we're at school, Chloe's friendship with Adrien is next up on the chopping block.

Yep, despite being Adrien's only friend and making a big deal about valuing his friendship to the point where she threw a big party just to make sure he wouldn't leave her and risked cooperating with an Akuma to save him, now Chloe just sees Adrien as a rich meal ticket. Two of the earliest episodes to show Chloe had a more compassionate side to her, and they just undid them. Even as much as I hated the episode, “Felix” showed Chloe was willing to cooperate with Marinette and her friends just to find a way to cheer Adrien up on the anniversary of his mother's not-death.

For the love of God, Astruc, 1984 was supposed to warn people about what could happen if they rewrote the past, not encourage people to rewrite the past. He probably finished Animal Farm thinking Snowball really did work alongside the humans, didn't he?

Marinette comes up and Zoe pretends to hate her, leading Marinette to wonder why she did that. She texts Zoe (she gave her number to her earlier) and invites her to a concert on the Liberty, but Chloe finds out. Zoe thinks fast and pretends it's just so she can torment her more. Chloe then takes out a book listing all the ways she can torture Marinette. I wonder if this is a metaphor for the writing process behind most of the episodes last season.

Zoe decides to go outside for some fresh air, and Andre comforts her. Funny how Andre bends over backwards to give Chloe whatever she wants, yet he's willing to actually talk to Zoe like an actual parent. Andre tries to cheer Zoe up, but she talks about her past where she had to put on an act so she would be liked, but (bet you've never heard this before) she just wants to be accepted for who she truly is. The surge of emotions is enough for Shadowmoth to akumatize her into Sole Crusher.

In addition to having one of the most clever puns for an Akuma name, I actually like Sole Crusher's design. Not only is it a good excuse to reuse Chloe's character design, it makes sense thematically, as Chloe was trying to mold Zoe into a copy of herself. The gold and diamonds also make sense given Chloe's love for shiny things. Her powers tie into the bizarre belief Chloe has about stepping on the winners. Whenever Sole Crusher kicks or steps on someone, she absorbs them and gets progressively bigger, making it easier to do so. While it's not cracking my top ten anytime soon, it's still an interesting character design.

Sole Crusher heads to the hotel to get Chloe, and she manages to get away pretty quickly. Maybe in an alternate universe, she's a track star? For some reason, she runs to the Dupain-Cheng bakery and then... Oh my God... pushes Marinette's parents so they get absorbed by Sole Crusher, before trying to do the same with Marinette.

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When has Chloe ever done something like that? Whenever she endangered someone during an Akuma attack, it was unintentional or a result of her naivety. She was only trapped in Pixelator's dimension because Adrien tried diving to save her, she only alerted Rogercop to Ladybug's presence because she eagerly called out for her, and during “Zombizou” she only tried to throw Sabrina towards the horde of kissing zombies once, and that was meant to highlight her growth. The only person to actually do stuff like this consistently is Lila, but I guess she got vaporized by Big Brother offscreen.

This episode is determined to make the audience hate Chloe by retconning everything about her character while portraying her as a complete monster. As bad as Chloe could get, she was never selfish enough to use anyone as a human shield. This kind of behavior honestly could be explained by saying Chloe was lashing out as a result of losing the Bee Miraculous permanently, but the events of the Season 3 finale aren't mentioned ONCE, not even in the next episode that introduces Queen Bee's replacement! How the hell can you set up the next Bee hero without explaining why the original needs to be replaced in the first place?! And trust me, I'm going to talk about Zoe replacing Chloe later.

Sole Crusher grabs Marinette in her hand, so the Horse Kwami, Kaalki, uses her power to teleport over to Adrien's house and inform him Ladybug needs help, meaning once again Adrien did nothing in this episode before becoming Cat Noir.

At the Liberty, Chloe offers more victims to Sole Crusher in the form of the band Kitty Section (consisting of Luka, Juleka, Rose, Ivan, and Mylene) and theatens the giant golden supervillain she can send her back to Paris, even though she's really not in a position to bargain right now. And she STILL continues to insult her. Do you hate Chloe yet? Come on, do you? The writers won't stop until you do.

After we see Sole Crusher's conflicted emotions, Marinette is set free by Cat Noir and transforms into Ladybug, immediately summoning her Lucky Charm, a shoehorn. They only learn Zoe's sneakers were where she were akumatized thanks to Chloe's ranting, so the episode unintentionally made Chloe save the day. Ladybug breaks into Le Grand Paris and breaks the sneakers where Zoe hid them, using the shoehorn to open a door. So Sole Crusher is de-evilized, Ladybug fixes the damage, and gives yet another charm to Zoe.

Afterwards, Zoe goes to the Liberty, apologizes for the act she put on, all while divulging to the audience her “tragic backstory”.

Of course, everyone welcomes her with open arms.

And right here is where the biggest problem I have with Zoe as a character. I normally hesitate to use this term given how often it gets thrown around when criticizing characters these days, but I really can't say anything else.

Zoe... is a Mary Sue.

For those who don't know, the term Mary Sue originated in a Star Trek fanfiction from 1973 satirizing several self-insert stories at the time. Most of these stories showed a beautiful young woman joining the crew of the Enterprise and immediately gaining the attention of the crew. Mary Sue parodied this character archetype by showing how much she was appreciated by Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock, the latter being driven to tears at her funeral despite his species being emotionless normally.

What does this have to do with Zoe? She has the exact same storyline as Mary Sue in the parody fanfiction. Her mere presence is enough to make Chloe act extremely out of character in an attempt to make her look better, and as soon as she apologizes while giving a frankly vague backstory, everyone just accepts her as their friend, and I mean everyone in the entire class. I'm sorry, but it just doesn't feel earned. Why was she bullied at her old school? What did her bullies have against her? What caused her to stop going along with her peers, and why did everyone turn against her? How the hell did the bullies who put cockroaches in another student's locker get no punishment while the victim was forced to transfer schools? It's an intentionally unclear backstory designed to make the audience feel sympathetic towards Zoe without actually doing anything else.

I want to ask anyone reading this who watched the episode a question: Outside of her backstory, what do we actually know about Zoe?

What is her personality like? She's nice? Socially awkward? We've never had a character like that in Miraculous Ladybug before! Sorry Marinette, Adrien, Juleka, Nathaniel, Mylene, and Marc, there's a new character with more personality than all of you combined!

What are her goals? She wants to be an actress? Great, but why? Even though there's no clear answer for why Marinette loves fashion, or why Alya loves journalism, or why Nino loves DJing, you can still see the passion in their lives when they do something related to their goals. Zoe only says she wants to be an actress, connecting it to her people pleaser backstory (and given how it ended, she must be a terrible actress), and in the next episode, she immediately gets the lead role in a student film.

When Mylene got the starring role in the movie in “Horrificator”, we at least got snippets of her acting skills in the same episode that established her desire to be an actress, which is also implied to be because she was inspired by her father in “The Mime”. She didn't just say she wanted to be an actress and got the leading role. She still had problems to overcome like her cowardice, which threw her own self-confidence into doubt. Here, Zoe just says she wants to be an actress, and is rewarded for no reason the very next episode.

Zoe basically exists only to be a foil to Chloe, and the writers had no idea what to do in terms of a personality, so they just dumped a bunch of extremely likable character traits onto her without thinking of how her character could come off. And like I said, she's a Mary Sue.

I'm not the only one who thinks this. I've seen a handful of posts on this very site calling Zoe a Mary Sue. In fact, I even asked another Tumblr user @anxresi to quote their take on Zoe being a Mary Sue, which I couldn't even top in terms of accuracy. They basically listed off five things that made Zoe a Mary Sue.

She has to have a ‘tragic backstory’ so all the other characters will fall in love with her. Usually within minutes, in the very first episode they’re introduced.

She has to have a supercute design so that the audience at home will fall in love with her. And if they don’t, they’re automatically dismissed as ‘haterz’ even if their objections are purely from a writing POV.

Her only flaw will be thinking too little of herself. “What, lil ol’ me as the Bee Miraculous holder? With my shyness, colorful shoes, chic beret and personalized pink strip in my hair? Gosh, who’d have thought it?”

The contrast to her half-sister will be a constant plot point, with Chloe always getting dumped on. “You see, kids? Bad things happen to bad people. But you see this super-sweet girl over here? She gets a free DAD. Instant FRIENDS. To star in her own MOVIE. The chance to be a SUPERHERO, even though she only arrived last week. Who cares if she has no depth, no personality and barely any reason for being in the show, apart from being a massive ‘Up Yours’ to all the Chloe fans out there?”

What about character development, Mr Generic Zag Guy? “Development? What’s that?! Zoe is already perfect as she is. The only ‘development’ she’ll receive is having her hair done in the first episode she’s introduced. Besides, That‘d’ word is banned here at Zag studios. Why do you think we abandoned Chloe’s stillborn arc so quickly? This is a KIDS show, why bother trying to create a complex character with more than one dimension?”

This is essentially who Zoe is. She's perfect, has no character flaws, has a cute design so the audience will love her already, and was designed only to replace Chloe as Queen Bee. That's all she is.

So the episode ends with Zoe feeling happy at all the new friends she made while we get one of the most blatant attempts of symbolism in the ending card I've ever seen.

See, look. While Marinette is happily talking with Zoe with the image of Ladybug next to them, Chloe is to the far left with an EVIL purple aura, showing how bad she is compared to how great Zoe is. Only a braindead moron would actually like Chloe over the super awesome and pretty Zoe!

I'll give my final thoughts on the episode in the next part where I analyze this plotline as a whole.

LINK TO “QUEEN BANANA” REVIEW

#immaturity of thomas astruc #iota #thomas astruc #thomas astruc salt #miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug salt #marinette dupain cheng #ladybug #adrien agreste #cat noir #chat noir #chloe bourgeois #queen bee #queen b #zoe lee #vesperia #sabrina raincomprix #andre bourgeois

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a-fangirl-universe · 3 years

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I have to talk about my feelings on season 6 of Lucifer because I'm tired of crying

So it's gonna be spoilery and kinda have to start by a rant before digging in the things I loved (which are far more numerous)

So here's it is :

Was that ending really necessary ????

Well let's be honest I don't like the (recently popular) idea of bittersweet endings and I can accept it if the characters have a really happy middle but often it's not like that and in Lucifer case it wasn't like that I love Deckerstar but their relationship was complicated before it even started from season 1 to 4 and in season 5 it was bumpy because they were in a limbo due to so many factors so basically season 6 was the first time they were truly happy and it lasted a few weeks.

Let's be honest it wasn't even a bad ending it was consistent with the characters and their growth but I not even fighting about the ending in general just the specific. Because I'm sorry but everyone got basically their perfect ending except the two leads it's not bittersweet it's unfair. And even more unfair when you could have find loopholes to make it a bit less bitter.

I mean the main idea of the show is that fate means nothing compare to free will and choices. That you can change if you're willing to. And the ending is basically telling us that they're is no alternative road to achieve the goal (even if the all let's reform hell situation has already been talked about a bit before Rory arrived). Basically we have this two characters who fought against all odds to be together and Lucifer who's been abandoned by his father and Chloe who lost her dad and the father of her eldest daughter who will have to grow up without him and they both accept that their daughter will live through the same thing. I mean they're both stubborn they should have find a solution.

And I'm not talking about Lucifer coming back to the LAPD and managing Lux but he could have said no to his daughter and what reforming hell will have taken a few more years and maybe he'll become more and more busy with it over the years being less present for his daughter leading to her anger or maybe he could have find a way to be there just from time to time. I mean it's a show about the devil being bored and moving out to LA and hell and heaven and everything it's technically the one show where they could have bend the rules because apparently the rules are bending for everybody else. And I get the all they'll have their happy end in the afterlife and I'm sorry but not the same. Rory grew up without her father, Trixie lost her father and basically her other father figure in the span of a few months and Chloe will basically wait for her death to be truly happy again.

The way Chloe and Lucifer ended up made sense in some way but I'm just saying they suffer so much (and us too by extension) just for this.

I don't know I feel that there were ways to make it a bit less painful. Basically just telling that I wanted another ending not a fairytale one with wedding on the beach or anything just one when Lucifer find a way to see his daughter growing up and be with the love of her life for the rest of her life.

Just to say I started to watch the show for them and I'm not disappointed by the end just sad and I'll just read a ton of "fix-it" fanfic and try to stop crying every time I think about this ending.

End of the rant.

That being said even if it doesn't mean I loved the last season.

The deckerstar fluff was the best thing ever, Mazeve deserve to be happy and Dan arc was actually interesting (even if technically him coming to earth is the trigger to this ending). Amenadiel becoming God is not really a surprise but still logical (and look even he could find a way to visit earth)

I thought they handled the BLM arc in a interesting way about how it's a global issue and not just some and how one of the main character was in denial about it.

Carol and Ella are the purest characters ever like ever and I loved their relationship and Ella having someone on her corner. Ella finding out was necessary and what sting is not that the celestial world is real but that her closest friends hide it from her and she deserves more hugs.

I weirdly liked Rory. I wasn't sold on the all deckerstar baby theory like wedding for me it's a plot point I often find unnecessary and just being there for or the continue on with a fairytale narrative (which I wouldn't have mind if the ending was a bit more happy but anyway) but the fact that she's grown changes that she's not a baby they have to swoon over she's a grown angel. And even if I maybe would have liked a different direction or her storyline not being the main conflict I still find her interesting. (by the way kudos to all the fanfic writers who headcanoned that Deckerstar daughter will be named Aurora). Lucifer reaction when he realised that Rory was really his daughter and then when Chloe told him she was pregnant were the softest thing ever. And kudos to deckerstar communicating better now.

Dan arc and him feeling guilty about leaving Trixie and just being friends with Lucifer and reuniting with Charlotte at the end was so touching.

Let's be honest I started to cry to heart out in episode 8 with the goodbyes (Maze and Lucifer being best friends), and deckerstar and their daughter just chilling at the beach broke my heart.

Honestly the acting was great and everything felt so raw and even if my eyes still sting with all the crying it's a prove that the emotions were there.

Am I happy with this season ? Yes. Will I watch the show again ? Yes definitely a comfort show. Am I even satisfied with the ending ? Yes I loved this last season. But do I wish the ending could have been a bit different ? Yes definitely.

#lucifer netflix #lucifer season 6 #lucifer spoilers #deckerstar #rory morningstar #ella lopez #trixie espinoza #lucifer morningstar #chloe decker #mazeve #mazikeen #eve #dan espinoza

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shreddedparchment · 4 years

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Pseudo Princess Epilogue

08/21/2020

Pairing: King!Steve x Reader Word Count: 6,172

Warnings: fluff, talks of sterilization/infertility

A/N: I did promise a surprise. There were some interactions that I wanted to touch on that I couldn’t fit into the last chapter and this just felt right to write. I hope y’all enjoy. If you happen to reblog, thanks so much for helping me spread my work! xoxo

“What have you decided?” You wonder, adjusting Joseph in your arms as they begin to tire.

“We’re going to adopt.” Nat’s smile is genuine and yet, you find there’s a sadness in her eyes that breaks your heart.

She looks at Joseph and stares at him for a moment before reaching across the small space between your chairs to caress his little cheek.

“May I be honest with you?” You hesitate but know that you need to say this in order for that sadness to leave her eyes.

Of course, her sadness is her own and you might only help relieve it. You cannot chase it away for good.

“Of course.” She takes her hand back to place over yours.

“I am so glad that you have decided not to see the witch.” You sigh. “After having lost all of you for over a year, the thought of losing more time knowing that I would have had it…”

“I know.” Nat interrupts softly, tearing her eyes down to her hand in yours. “James is the same. He told me to choose what would make me happy and for a moment I considered very much going to see her, but the forced look of detachment on James’s face was heartbreaking. I don’t want him to feel as if his opinion does not matter to me.

“If we cannot both be of one mind in this choice then it is a choice that I cannot make. We were both decided on adoption before I remembered the witch’s offer so, adoption is the only choice my heart can bear to make.” Nat’s feelings are genuine, and you can see the decision has lifted weight from her shoulders.

“You have known that you could not have children for years. Is this really what you wanted. Having them naturally?” You probe, already knowing her answer. “You know that Bucky does not and has not cared if you could give him natural born children.”

“Why do you know me so well?” She huffs a small laugh. “I wanted to give him the life he deserved.”

“The life he deserves is the one he chooses, love. And he chooses to be with you, just as you are. For him you are not lacking in anything.” You point out, remembering the look of utter worship he gives her every time they’re together.

“I know.” Nat nods, smiling wide albeit a little resigned. “I don’t think I’ve ever truly accepted that and that’s why I became so fixated on giving him a child born of us both.”

You scoot closer to the edge of your seat, adjusting the sleeping Joseph in your arms. Now that you’re closer, you can wrap one arm around her back a little, bringing your face down and closer to her own.

“We all love you, Nat. Just as you are. Any child you raise would be lucky to have you as a mother. I know I’ve said it before, but I cannot impress upon you the sincerity of what I say. Trust me. You are perfect to us. If not the world, then to Bucky and myself. And isn’t that enough?”

Her eyes begin to water, and you have the sudden urge to hug her. Before you can, the door to your sitting room opens. Quickly you wipe away the two tears that roll onto Nat’s cheeks as Peter freezes, his eyes wide with surprise. He’s still got his arms extended, feet still in mid-step.

“Oh,” He gasps. “I’m…I didn’t know you were in here your Majesty. I’m so sorry.”

“Peter!” You exclaim, happy to see him.

His face changes, a wide smile replacing the look of shock on his face.

“Hi.” He replies simply, moving towards you as you rise to your feet and with Joseph carefully balanced in your arms, you wrap Peter up in the other.

“It’s so good to see you. When Steve told me you’d left for Father’s castle I was saddened to be denied our reunion.” You chuckle, trying to keep Joseph as still as possible despite knowing that he will not wake even should you need to grab a sword and fight some random attacker.

“I’m sorry, I had to deliver Steve’s invitations for the feast he has planned for when the estate is completed. Only a few weeks now.” Peter says proudly as you pull back to get a look at his face. He seems to be getting taller still. Just over a year and you’re shocked by his growth.

He’s much bigger in muscle mass too.

“Invitations, sure.” Natasha teases, fixing him with a knowing look.

Peter seems to deflate by her implications which raises many questions in your own head.

To allay your confusion, he leads you back to your seat and helps you to sit.

“Morgana and I have actually parted ways.” He says simply, his voice serious but not melancholy.

“Oh.” Nat exclaims, exchanging with you a quick look of concern. “I hope that it was nothing that cannot be mended?”

Peter takes a step back and reaches up to scratch at the back of his neck.

“She is much happier with our engagement at an end. If I am honest, we have been growing apart the last several months. She has been busy undertaking King Stark’s training and I have been busy in the villages with minor disturbances from remnants of Hydra and their various factions.

“Our friendship is just as strong as it ever was, but I don’t believe romance will be a part of our future.” Peter sighs upset despite his words of assurance.

“Last I remember your romance was only just blooming.” You lament, hating to have lost out on the beauty of their love growing.

Now it’s gone?

“Yes.” Peter smiles. “I had high hopes for us but I’m certain this is the right choice for us both.”

“Is this a choice you both made?” Natasha wonders, worried for the young guard.

“We spoke about it at length and we’re sure that it’s for the best.” Peter nods. “Do not worry. We are both perfectly fine.”

Containing your frown is out of the question but he does look as if their choice is one of certainty and you can’t exactly contradict them if they have found what is right for both of them. Even if it’s a shame that you won’t have Peter as a brother-in-law.

With no choice but to move on, you let Natasha take Joseph from your arms as she moves him into the crib nearby.

You have one in here and one in your bedroom.

“So?” You begin, sitting back with a small grimace at the pain in your back. “What brings you to my sitting room? I know you did not come to see me since you didn’t know I was in here.”

As Natasha tucks Joseph in, she waits with observant eyes as if she’s still trying to decide if Peter has told you both the truth about him and Morgana.

“I was sent in to fetch your sewing basket. His Majesty said that he wanted to show it to me so that I’d know what to buy.” Peter explains, his brow furrowed as he observes the grimace on your face and the strange way you’re sitting.

The flowing gown you wear—slate blue around the shoulders down to the constricting bodice where it shifts and mixes with the peony pink fabric beneath the sheer top layer that then flows down to end in that same soft pink—puddles around you, soft to the touch.

It’s finer than anything you’ve worn in a while and the corset you’re wearing now forces your back straight once more.

You’d forgotten how uncomfortable the clothing you'd worn as Queen of Broklin could be. It was a hybrid of both pleasure and pain as the soft fabrics felt cool and heaven in touch but the stiff undergarments to help you fit into such fine dresses were forcing your body to readjust again.

The attempt to slouch and lean back against your chair in search of comfort does not go unnoticed by your once personal guard. Now rehired as you have returned.

“Are you in a lot of pain?” He worries, taking a step closer. His fists open and close as if he’s warring with wanting to reach out and help.

Everyone has been so attentive, so careful with you these past few days after your reappearance. It isn’t even so much that the clothing is too uncomfortable. The corset is tight indeed, but you were so malnourished when Steve found you again that your body had rejected all the rich foods that he’d sent for.

It wasn’t until Natasha thought to bring you simple unseasoned fish, vegetables, and plain water instead of wine that you managed to eat and retain the nutrition. Slowly they added saltier meats and seasoned vegetables and after five days of no missed meals, you were feeling stronger and more like yourself.

The only thing that weighs heavily on your mind still is your son. So much smaller than your daughter was at his age, or so Steve says.

Your husband cried into your chest for that first torturous night. Blissful yet painful. You were all so happy to be back together, finally you were all complete. The piece of yourself that you’d felt was missing had returned in you both, and still it was not enough.

It was excruciating to see your baby girl so grown. Walking, however clumsily, and talking. Her eyes when she sees you are full of confusion. There is no recognition there. Your heart breaks for the bond that you’ve lost.

For Steve, it was the sight of you and Joseph so feeble. So hungry for care and safety. The jumpiness that you’d developed once more having to watch your every step with Phin and the other village men who’d seen an easy target in an orphaned single mother.

He was devastated to know that you’d suffered the birth of your son alone. He hates to know that you fed on rats in your most desperate hours to keep your little one fed. It tears you apart to see him so agonized over it only to see that even through your efforts your son needed a doctor’s care.

Your body is not strong and because of this, everyone has been vigilant with the slightest change in your mood. Steve and Nat especially. Peter has been informed, clearly.

You meet his eyes and offer a smile.

“No. Not exactly. It’s been over a year. I must adjust again, that’s all.” You explain, refusing to give in to their worries about your health.

You feel much stronger already after less than a week. Your son is also more comfortable and seems to fuss a little more now that he has the energy to do so.

Natasha steps towards you, running her hand along the center of your spine.

“Perhaps I laced you too tightly? Once Peter leaves, I can adjust it and give you some relief.” She offers.

“I’m alright.” You smile, resisting the need to grimace again.

Turning back to Peter, you try to distract them.

“Why have you been tasked with the purchase of a sewing box?” This does the trick and both of them forget your discomfort.

“Oh, well his Majesty wishes to tell you himself. I will tell him you’re here and return as soon as I have what I need.” Peter takes a step back, the eagerness to complete his task pulling him away.

“Very well. Hurry back.” You smile at him fondly, a fond lilt to your words. “I have missed you.”

Peter nods, the corners of his lips turned up as he turns and shuts the doors behind him.

“If you aren’t feeling well, Steve will want to know.” Nat frowns, her hand still resting on your back.

“I’m perfectly alright.” You chuckle, reaching back to take her hand and remove it from your spine. “I would like to take a walk.”

You rise and despite yourself, groan as your body stretches. After so much time sleeping in a lumpy bed of hay, a soft plush mattress feels too firm and soft at the same time.

“Y/N…” Nat chastises.

“My body is sore. I’m not used to these soft beds anymore. They feel good when I first lay in them but after a few hours of sleeping my body becomes stiff. It will pass in time, Nat. I promise. I’m alright. Truly.” You walk away from her as you speak, refusing to be stopped and move towards your baby boy to tuck the blanket in around him.

His little crib is the same one that Maggie had slept in when she’d been an infant and your heart fills with warmth that Steve was right and that you would indeed have use for it once again.

Joseph shifts, his little fists flexing open and shutting once again as he coos then sleeps on.

“Will you stay with him?” You whisper, though you don’t need to. Joseph has slept through the worst storms.

“As you wish.” Nat sighs, moving to sit in the chair she’d placed beside him in case you’d wanted to sit down with him.

“If he gets hungry-” You fret.

“I’ll bring him to you.” She promises. “Go, enjoy your walk.”

You leave her in good spirits, feeling free in the safety of the estate walls after so much time spent looking over your shoulder.

Naturally, you allow your heart to lead you and you find yourself at the door to Maggie’s nursery. You can hear Samuel with her, his laugh mixed with her occasional little scream of excitement.

Slowly you open the door, pressing your hand against the wood to keep it as quiet as possible.

You spot them sitting on the floor amongst a pile of pillows that have been strewn across a large thick blanket. The windows on the far side of the room have been thrown open to allow a gentle breeze to cool the room.

Sam holds a luxurious doll made of soft fabric against his leg, his body relaxed as he leans against the wall beside a small shelf full of other toys made of wood and clay. There are other dolls too.

In front of him sits your toddler, her hands wrapped around a large green leg.

With a gasp you push the door open and stop to find Hulk sitting on the other side of the room taking up almost all of it. His arms are casually resting against his knees as your little girl giggles and reaches around to pinch Hulk’s massive calf.

He growls and she laughs again. Then Hulk laughs, and claps his hands twice shaking the entire room.

“Ha-ha!” He says with amusement in his eyes. “Princess laugh funny.”

You look to Sam, uncertainty gripping your chest and he rises then hurries to meet you by the door.

“Your Majesty.” He bows his head, a soft smile tugging at his lips. “Don’t be alarmed, they do this often. He won’t hurt her.”

“Queen Flower!” Hulk shouts, raising his hand to wave then points down at your daughter. “Look! Little Princess laugh funny.”

He lifts his massive leg, taking her with it as she sits on his foot and hugs him tighter. As he drops it, she giggles once.

“Do thing, Princess! Make Hulk angry again.” He orders her and like an obedient puppy, she reaches around and pinches his leg again.

Hulk growls. She laughs. He laughs and claps.

The sight, while frightening at first, fills you with joy.

Your little girl has been happy! You’re so grateful to all of them.

“She likes Bruce too, but she and Hulk have this connection that’s hard to argue with. We can’t keep them apart for long.” Sam explains.

“I’m glad.” You nod.

“He takes care of her. When she cries, he gets upset and won’t stop slamming his fists until she stops. That’s how this began.” Sam gestures at them as they continue to play.

“She was crying?” You fret, watching your little girl for the telltale signs that she had been shedding tears.

“She misses Steve. She cries at least once every time he has to meet with anyone for an extended period of time with affairs of the Kingdom. They’ve been attached at the hip since you disappeared.

“I think he clung to her so tightly because he sensed you in her. He was happy to be with her but he knew that something was missing. We all did, only most of us assumed it was Margaret.

“Steve even insisted once that it wasn’t her and that there was someone else that should be at his side. But he went to sleep and we ignored him. We assumed he was merely distraught. When he woke the next morning, he seemed to have forgotten his theory and we thought we were wise to move on.” Sam smiles, shrugging his shoulders as he fixes you with his sheepish grin. “Sorry.”

You and Steve haven’t talked much about your time apart that does not involve the children. Hearing that he'd felt as lost as you had during your separation eases the small bit in your heart that still wonders if Steve is truly in love with you.

“It’s of no importance.” You assure him. “We are together again now. That’s all that matters.”

“Maggie, look who’s here.” Sam calls to her, waiting for her to exclaim in delight at the sight of you.

While you know better.

As you expect she turns to look at you, her little eyes searching your face for recognition and it comes slowly. It isn’t the recognition of a mother yet but she still releases Hulk's leg and with unsteady feet rises and wanders over towards you.

“Hello my sweet flower.” Your heart expands at least fifty sizes—no, a hundred!—as you squat down to be closer to her.

She stumbles as she reaches you but falls into your arms with a giggle that you echo as you wrap your arms around her and lift her to your lap.

She's still so small. A baby. Your baby.

“I was just about to go take a walk in the garden. I want to see all the pretty flowers that your papa planted. Would you like to come with me, little flower?” You wait as she watches your mouth when you’ve finished speaking.

Her own moves silently as she reaches up to fidget with her ear as she thinks about it.

You’ve spent as much time as you can with her these past five days and because you’re in her places of home—her Papa's bed, his presence every moment that he can spare, at his dining table right beside him, in the bath while he sits with her in his lap and the two of you talk.

You’ve bathed her with you and tucked her in. Kissed her cheeks and chastised her when her tantrums grew insolent.

You have made yourself a thorn in her side but a place to seek comfort too.

So, when she turns back to you and places her little hands on your cheeks before wrapping them around your neck, you are ecstatic.

Sam helps you to your feet as Hulk rises and grumbles.

“Queen Flower steal funny baby. Hulk hate Queen Flower!” He says passionately before giving a great hurumph and springing through the large open window.

You watch him go with your mouth slightly open. Maggie turns to wave as Hulk disappears and Sam shakes his head.

“Ba-ba-ba!” Maggie calls out after him, her little hand limp as she swings her arm up and down.

“He doesn’t really hate you. He tells all of us that when we take her.” Sam relays and you’re surprised to feel a wave of relief that Hulk is also just throwing a tantrum.

“I’ve left Nat with Joseph while he sleeps. Will you tell her to bring him down when he wakes? I’d love to have them together. She’s still unsure of him I think.” You’ve noticed your little girl is jealous when Steve holds your son and you want them to love each other despite their time apart.

“Of course. Enjoy your walk, your Majesty. I’ll send a guard down for you as well. Steve would not like you two out in the gardens by yourselves.”

“Thank you, Sam. Are you ready my princess?”

~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been nearly four hours of warm morning sun spent with your daughter in the fragrant peony garden that Steve had built in the estate gardens.

Waves of pink sway in the sultry summer breeze and Maggie’s little legs falter as she inches towards you, her small fist rubbing sleepily at her eye.

She’d spent the morning running after you, giggling loudly before screaming with excitement. She’d fallen many times, then risen and continued the chase. You’d let her catch you and fall to the ground to embrace her before she squirmed from your arms to indicate your turn to chase.

Her adorable antics were topped when she managed to crawl underneath your skirts, painting the bottom her dress—which once again, matches your own just as they had before you’d lost time—green as she rolled around on the soft pea-green blades of grass.

When she tired you two sat in the shade of a large oak giving you a much-needed respite from the blazing sun. She was up after only ten minutes, however. Energetic baby that she is.

All the while, at the edges of the tall blue hydrangea and wine butterfly bush, just out of sight is your guard. Five men circling the outside of the long garden. Out of sight so that they do not disturb you and Maggie though often you catch them peeking over the hedge to catch glimpses of the little miss.

She’s just as popular as she was before you lost her.

Halfway through your walk, Natasha joins you with Joseph. A blanket spread out beneath the oak where she’d sat with him while you played with Maggie.

Stopping, you admire her as she walks towards you. She’s the spitting image of her father and when you’d once thought her lips resembled your own, you can now see that she’s turning into Steve more and more every day.

“Muh-muh-muh…” She mumbles, and your heart skips a beat. “Muh-muh…”

As she reaches you, she lifts her arms towards you, her little rosebud lips fixed into a cranky pout.

“Oh, my sweet girl.” You gush, ducking down to pick her up before you cradle her against your chest. She’s heavy compared to Joseph but you don’t care. You will suffer through aching arms to hold her close.

She immediately lays her head on your shoulder and wraps her arms around her neck again, her eyes closing as you caress the back of her head tenderly.

“Were you attempting to call me ‘Mama’?” You whisper, but she’s already asleep.

With her dozing, you move back towards the oak where Joseph lays on his back playing with his feet.

“Are you hungry?” Natasha wonders, already pushing up onto her knees and grabbing her skirts in preparation.

“A little.” You confess, but I can wait until Maggie wakes before we head back inside.”

“Would you like Steve to kill me for not feeding you?” Nat walks to meet you and then reaches to caress Maggie’s head as she stops beside you. “I’ll see what I can find for us. Will you be alright with them both?”

She seems to really be worried about whether you can handle your children alone and perhaps if you were at your strongest you’d be offended, but you take her words for what they are—love for you.

“Of course I can.” You assure her. “Maggie’s asleep.”

She tilts her head quickly, looking skeptical before she turns and leaves for the house.

As you approach your little boy who has taken to a constant cooing, you wonder how you’ll manage to put Maggie down beside him when you hear a call from the garden gate.

“Y/N!” He calls, deep but vibrant.

His voice is like a siren’s song and you stop and turn without hesitation.

Steve. Your heart is suddenly pounding and you’re eager to see his beautiful face.

As you turn to look, he’s already close, turning his sprint into a jog. His lips are stretched into a happy smile. His eyes are bright, blue as storm clouds, but happy to see you. No, ecstatic. No, he’s full of life at the sight of you, looking as if he’s just quenched a terrible thirst.

“I’ve been all over the estate looking for you.” He gives one long inhale and a quick exhale of breath as if he’s only just catching it.

Had he literally run around looking for you?

“I’m here.” You return his smile. “With our little ones.”

Steve’s cheeks blush a vibrant pink before he takes a half-step towards you and leans in, wrapping his right arm around your waist as he rushes to meet your lips with chaste but hungry kiss.

There’s a need behind his lips that doesn’t equate to desire, and you wonder what it is that he’s searching for.

For you, the press of his mouth against your own sends rapid flutters from your toes to the top of your head making all of your thoughts fuzzy.

As he pulls away, he places both hands on either side of your face. His thumbs are a gentle caress against your skin. His eyes devour your confuddled expression, a look of amusement turning his lips up once more.

“I missed that expression.” He tells you and embarrassment makes you huff a small laugh.

“You’re impossible.”

Steve chuckles.

With your greeting out of the way, his eyes find the baby in your arms then the one on the blanket.

Joseph has also spotted him and has taken to kicking in excitement, his little eyes wide and his mouth a small o as he spews out more goos and coos.

“Did my princess fall asleep?” Steve reaches for her, expertly taking her from you she doesn’t even stir.

“We’ve been out here all morning.” You tell him and with your arms free, you quickly move to Joseph’s side, grabbing him and sitting him upon your lap so that he might look at his papa with more ease.

It only makes him kick faster and you chuckle as he squirms.

“I think your prince would also like your embrace.” You adjust him again, a sigh of relief escaping you after your laugh.

It doesn’t escape Steve’s notice. As he sits himself down on the blanket with you, he places Maggie beside him, stroking her chest to make certain she remains asleep.

“You’re tired.” He frowns but takes Joseph when you lean over and offer him.

He places him between his legs facing him, but when he whines and leans towards him with his little arms reaching, Steve picks him back up and gives him his all his attention while he waits for you to respond.

“We have been enjoying the length of the garden.” You explain, scooting closer to Maggie and moving the hair away from her little face. “Which reminds me, why was it that you made a peony garden even when you did not remember me?”

Steve turns to you, allowing Joseph to push against his lap with his little legs, then looks up towards the branches while he thinks.

As his mind wanders, you admire the sight of him. He looks regal in his short-sleeved cream-colored tunic, the neckline high with tan embroidery along the edge of the seam at the front. It leaves his muscular arms exposed, sinew shifting beneath the smooth golden peach of his skin as your son kicks and Steve keeps him rooted to his spot.

His hair is short once more, trimmed for the heat of the season but his beard is as thick as ever.

Brown trousers and dark brown boots complete his casually regal look and he has never looked so good.

“I don’t think I could properly explain it. The garden back home was full of them around Margaret’s—that is, your pavilion. I knew it as Margaret’s with my memory of you gone.” He fixes his words though you feel only the faintest of shifts in your gut of the old jealousy and resentment you’d felt at the mention of Margaret. “I had no memory of changing her flower for them, but I knew that the reason for it was vital. Then as time went on, I craved the scent of them. Maggie and I would spend hours in your garden. I think even she felt your absence. She was more peaceful whenever we were there where the flowers reminds us both of your pleasing scent.”

You laugh, unable to help yourself.

“What?” Steve turns to you, adjusting Joseph in his arms as the little one tires out and yawns. With his little head resting against Steve’s chest, he begins to drift to sleep. “Why are you always laughing at the things I say?”

You take a few more moments to let the laugh flow, then shake your head.

“I’m not. I’m just…I only began to use scented oils and soaps when I accepted father’s task to marry you. If you want a true example of what I smell like, think back to the moment you met me on the road just days ago.” You explain.

Steve thinks back, the small crease between his eyes deep as he tries to remember.

“You smelled like hay. A little bit like sweat and earth, but also like Joseph. But there was also the scent of peonies in your hair, despite what you say. Perhaps it has become engrained into your very being after soaking in so many baths with it.” Steve smiles, his eyes glazed over as if he’s thinking about it.

The shift of his lips is a little coy, and the pink tint returns with vibrancy to his cheeks.

“Why are you blushing?” You narrow your eyes at him, certain you know exactly what it is he’s thinking.

“I’m not blushing.” He shakes his head, a look of denial plastered across his chiseled features.

“You are. How can you think of me in the bath with our children sleeping right beside us?” You demand, your face fixed into mock shock.

Steve blinks, at a loss at your accusation because it’s probably true.

“What? I am not-I don’t-I haven’t-You don’t-” He sputters, flustered by your flirting.

You chuckle and refocus on your daughter, admiring the way she breathes as she sleeps while thinking with amusement about the amount of times you’ve bathed with your little ones since returning and Steve having joined you often.

“Your Majesties!” From the garden gate Peter rushes, one arm wrapped around a wicker basket, the other carrying a rectangular box sealed with twine.

That must be the sewing kit.

“That took you all morning.” You observe as he approaches then stops at the edge of your blanket and gives you both a quick bow.

“Yes, I wanted to be sure I purchased the correct one.” Peter explains, but Steve’s eyes are on the basket.

“What is that?” He gestures at it, then fixes his gaze on the young knight.

“Oh, Natasha sent me with a lunch. Cold meats and a few mince pies. There’s a jug of wine and a gourd of water in there for her majesty.” He holds it out and Steve takes it, placing it near you.

“Eat.” He says simply. “While you can do so comfortably with the children sleeping.”

He’s probably right. You begin to pull the food from the basket and portion it out onto two small wooden plates Natasha had placed in the basket.

“Where shall I put the kit, your Majesty? The den?” Peter wonders, holding the box with both arms now that they’re free.

“Yes, that seems-” He begins but then stops as the heavy sound of a guard’s armor approaches.

All of you turn to look in his direction.

Behind him follows a girl who looks to be about Peter’s age. Her beauty is undeniable though she walks awkwardly in the simple gray gown she wears. It isn’t anything fancy but probably the nicest dress she owns.

Still nicer than anything you ever owned before you married Steve.

Her hair is long, falling to her waist in a stunning number of braids. Her brown skin shines golden under the summer sun, her eyes a sharp inky black yet wider than normal with the nervous energy you can see flowing through her. Although her facial features are small, they’re also sharp, brows wide and angular.

“She’s finally here.” Steve exclaims, making to rise before he realizes that he’s still cradling Joseph to his chest and sits back down.

“Your Majesty, this girl says she is here for a job?” The guard offers, and gestures to the lovely young lady at his side.

“Yes, thank you. You may go.” Steve dismisses him and waits for him to depart before he addresses the girl. “Hello again, Miss Jones. You’re right on time.”

Miss Jones takes hold of her skirts and quickly ducks into a curtsy as if just remembering she should be doing so.

“I hope I am not intruding.” She says nervously.

“Not at all.” Steve nods. “This is my wife and Queen. You will report directly to her from this day forth.”

“What?!” You gasp, so surprised your smile vanishes. “Report to me?”

“I have hired Miss Jones to assist you with the children. She will be your second lady in waiting to assist you when and if you should need someone and Natasha is not around or has other things to do.” Steve says pointedly. “You shall do whatever her majesty requires but she’s awfully selfless and terrible with implementing her authority so you might have to read into her needs a bit more than I made it sound like when we met before.”

As all of you look back to Miss Jones, you find that she’s still in her curtsy, her legs probably shaking as she teeters from side to side.

“Y-you don’t have to keep bowing.” Peter tells her and she snaps out of it, nearly toppling over as she stands up straight.

“Right,” Miss Jones says, now standing awkwardly before she decides to give you all a tight anxious smile. “I will do everything I can to serve you with honor, your Majesties.”

Steve looks pleased and after a few more moments of considering the girl, you relax.

“Thank you.” You nod. “I will do my best to be as little a burden as I can be.”

“See?” Steve shakes his head and Miss Jones smiles a little more genuinely. “For now, I think you should rest. You must be tired after your journey. Tomorrow you may commence your duties but for now, Peter? Will you show Miss Jones to her quarters?”

Miss Jones curtsies again as Peter bows. “Yes, your Majesty.”

“Thank you, your majesties.”

For a moment they both stand there awkwardly, waiting for the other to walk. Peter gestures towards the estate and Miss Jones seems to turn but is uncertain if she should. As he begins to walk, she gathers her skirts a bit so that she might walk beside him with steady feet.

You watch them steal several glances at each other. Miss Jones especially watches Peter with an uncertain but curious gaze.

“Oh, this is for you.” Peter tells her and holds out her sewing kit.

“Thank you.” Miss Jones says, taking the box.

“I can carry it for you.” Peter offers.

“Oh…” Miss Jones hands him the box again and they walk on.

As they reach the garden gate, their voices are faint, but you can just make out what they’re saying as they disappear through the hedge.

“Your gown is lovely.” Peter tells her, nervous for a moment as he offers the compliment.

“Would you like to borrow it?” Miss Jones asks, her face serious as she awaits his answer.

“What?” Peter stops walking, fixing her with a dumbfounded look.

“A jest.” She tells him, stopping too.

“Oh.” Peter smiles and nearly laughs but continues to walk. “Right.”

Miss Jones smiles. “Yes. It wouldn’t fit you. Your shoulders are too wide.”

“What are you smiling about?” Steve wonders, pulling your attention away from Peter and Miss Jones while he lays Joseph down beside Maggie.

You offer him a plate of food, shrugging as your smile grows wider.

“Life has a strange way of giving us just what we need when we need it.” You realize, looking at all three of the loves of your life.

“Just as life brought you to me, do you mean?” Steve nods. “Yes. Just what I needed.”

#king!steve x reader #king!steve rogers x reader #captain america x reader #royal au #medieval fantasy au #steve rogers x reader #steve x reader #captain america x reader fic #steve rogers x you fic #avengers x reader #marvel au #marvel fanfiction #pseudo princess #daddy!steve rogers x reader

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laviefantasie · 3 years

Text

One Step at a Time

Warnings: School Shooting, death, PTSD

Summary: It was supposed to be just another normal day at school. Just 8 hours, 480 minutes, of learning before Julie and you went to the Molina’s studio and spend the day with the guys. It was supposed to be just another normal school day... but it wasn’t.

Pairings: Ghost!Luke Patterson x Alive!Reader

A/N I did as much research as I could about the subject, I won’t get it 100% right since thankfully I’ve never experienced this but I feel it is a subject that should be talked about more. Stay safe!

| MASTERLIST |

120 Hours After the Shooting

A gasp leaves your body as you sit up while holding back a scream. You feel the sweat dripping down your skin as your eyes take in your surroundings, it takes you a minute to fully recognize your room as your blurry vision finally settles.

You feel a hand on your shoulder and you jump out of your bed, scared. Looking towards the source you find the hazel eyes of the lead guitarist on Julie’s band.

He looks at you with worry as he slowly starts crawling towards you, his steps were wary as if afraid you’d run out of the room any second.

He opens and closes his mouth repeatedly, he is talking to you, yet you cannot hear. Your ears numb to the sounds around you.

As you feel breathing becoming a harder task your eyes fall to your hands, wondering to yourself when will this ever stop?

How could this be your life now?

2190 Hours Before the Shooting

You walked behind Carrie to the auditorium with your blue wig on and an excited smile on your face. All the Dirty Candy girls following their leader with the nerves filling their bodies.

After many days of long hours of rehearsals, you girls were finally showing what you had worked so hard to accomplish.

As you entered the auditorium a student member of the illuminating staff bumps into you nearly throwing you to the ground. Thankfully, he catches you.

“I’m so so sorry, Y/N”

You brush yourself trying to get rid of any possible dirt in your costume before giving him a kind smile.

“Everything good here, uh...”

You stop talking as soon as you realize that you don’t remember the name of the guy you had surely seen in at least two of your classes. He notices that and the smile that had appeared on his face soon falls.

As you’re about to apologize for your bad memory, Carrie screams for you to hurry up, so with one apologetic smile you leave.

It is through the performance of Wow that your eyes catch sight of Julie and three more guys by her side. You make sure to send her a smile when she catches your eyes, nostalgia over your lost friendship suddenly making an appearance.

730 Hours Before the Shooting

Your life had definitely changed for the better, as bizarre as it was now. Two months ago you had decided to fix your friendship with Julie -three ghosts being a much needed push- while also getting to know three kind -formerly mentioned- ghosts.

You and the guys were close, probably as close as you had become with Flynn and as you once were -and thankfully were again- with Julie.

Luke and you had bonded over songwriting. Both of you making the songs for Julie and the Phantoms, something Julie liked to tease you about a lot especially when she noticed that your usual roll of eyes had turned into a deep red blush.

Of course becoming friends with Julie had put a strain on your friendship with Carrie. The strawberry blonde snapping at you at every possible opportunity yet never truly hurting you as you were her best friend.

Either way, after the growth of Julie’s band, the realization that the boys had to cross over, them playing at the Orpheum to fulfill their unfinished business, them discovering playing at the Orpheum wasn’t their unfinished business, and then their love for one another saving them from ceasing to exist and somehow becoming tangible to both Julie and you while also gaining the new ability to be seen as far as they concentrated deeply. You had learned to appreciate the little gifts of the universe more and more.

You were accepting everything it was throwing at you because so far you had loved the unexpected things it had sent.

You were in a happy place. Julie was in a happy place. So were the boys and the Molina’s. And even if she didn’t voice it, you knew Carrie was too, the strawberry blonde too proud to admit she missed Julie and hoped she could soon get close to through you.

Things were good. Nothing could hurt you guys, everything was perfect.

336 Hours Before the Shooting

Julie and the Phantoms and Dirty Candy had a gig. More importantly, the same gig. A concert was being held at the Hollywood Bowl to showcase young artists and both bands had been accepted.

It was a huge opportunity.

So as expected, none of them so one another during the week they got the news as all were too invested in rehearsing to give out the best performance they could. This event could be life changing.

But you could only spend so much time apart from songwriting -especially if it was with a certain ghost-, so you and Luke had decided to meet every two days at your room at night to write new songs. None of you could use them for the presentation though as it wouldn’t be fair to the other.

After your third meeting, Luke had accidentally asleep on your bed with you -the need for sleep being a consequence of using the newly found powers too much- and soon it became a habit that whenever he came he would stay.

So your relationship grew. And you loved that as much you denied it, Julie’s knowing smirk always reminding you that no one believed it.

Even Carrie knew you had a crush, the strawberry blonde making sure to mention it on the next Dirty Candy rehearsal.

“I want everyone on their very best. We have to be the best performance there” she reminds them for the hundredth time “I want your concentration the following weeks on the performace. Understood, Y/N? No cute guitarists”

The blush and glare you sent your best friend’s way was enough to make a smirk appear on her face and her eyes to soften before ending the break and starting rehearsals once again.

168 Hours Before the Shooting

You smiled as Carrie laughed loudly, proud to have been the one who made the smile appear on her face. You were the only one -after Julie- that had ever been able to make her smile like that, though the smiles Julie got were always followed by a small blush.

The two of you were having your weekly sleepover. Both of you having stated since the start of high school that every week, no matter how busy they were, they would give one day to sleep at either house to catch up. It was a good way to keep the strong bond you two had while also letting go of the problems and stress you adquire during the week.

This time both of you found yourselves in Y/N’s empty house. It wasn’t uncommon knowledge that Y/N’s widowed mother was working -as she was a surgeon, her father being one too when he was alive- so she mostly spent the nights by herself.

Carrie, being Trevor Wilson’s daughter, had also spent months alone with his father going on tours or spending hours at the recording studio. You both had basically grown up with nannies, you had it better though since it was only after your father’s dead that the nannies appeared.

That’s why Rose Molina’s death had hit you both almost as hard as it had hit Julie. You had both loved her deeply, seeing her as a mother figure. The Molina’s always having their house opened for the both of you, something you’d both be forever thankful for.

The fight between Julie and Carrie had been nasty and big, both refusing to ever mentioning the details, which left you and Flynn to take side neither wanting to leave either alone. Of course, when the time came you went with Carrie as she trusted you the most -her and Flynn never seeing eye-to-eye as the strawberry blonde’s crush for the cute singer grew-.

So, as you both laughed while the movie Five Feet Apart played in your room’s television was completely ignored by you both, you couldn’t help but be grateful for the girl sitting in front of you. Even though Carrie had this bad spoiled rich girl persona for the people around them to see, inside she was just an insecure kind-hearted girl who just wanted someone to care.

The laughter soon dies as you both look at each other with soft smiles, the strawberry blonde’s smile falling as she gazes at your door with a sad look in her face. The silence settling between the two.

“Do you think someone’d notice if we were gone?” She asks softly as if she was afraid of the answer.

“Of course” Your answer is quick, without hesitation.

Her brown sad eyes soon stare at you, “Would they notice if I was gone?”

The questions doesn’t catch you off guard as you often knew your best friend’s fear of being forgotten. She didn’t have a close group of friends. It had always been Carrie, Julie, and Y/N. Somewhere along the way Flynn joined, but otherwise it had always been the three of you. And then, it was you two. Nick soon joined you both but after the breakup he had been acting weird. So, Carrie only had you. She loved the girls from her group but other than Kayla she didn’t actually get along with them. So it was only Y/N.

“They would” Y/N answers without hesitation, “More importantly, I would”

That’s enough to bring the smile back to the face of the leader of Dirty Candy, her soon tackling you in a hug. Laughter filling the emptiness of your house once again.

48 Hours Before the Shooting

To say all of you were nervous was an understatement. That Saturday was the event at the Hollywood Bowl, so the two groups had been rehearsing nonstop and trying on outfits. Everything had to be perfect.

Dirty Candy was performing a new song called Sweet Melody at said event, featuring Y/N’s voice alongside Carrie’s. All the members had been surprised when their leader had given the idea, saying the chorus was better suited for your range, but neither had complained as they had loved your voice.

That’s why as you opened the door to your locker, your mouth was mouthing the lyrics in complete concentration. You were nervous of forgetting the words and freezing on stage, so you practice as much as you could.

Getting your Algebra II book out you head to your class, smiling once you see Julie and going to sit beside her. Soon both of you start talking, only stopping once the teacher walks in and starts her class.

You have a bored expression on your face as you copy what Mrs. Matthews writes on the board, only to have your attention caught by a boy entering the class completely out of breath.

“Mr. Rogers, glad you could join us” ironizes your teacher.

You look at the boy with pity, though you soon recognize it as the one you bumped into when you were on your way to perform at the school’s pep rally. Rogers, so that was his name.

“I don’t care whatever your excuses are” States Mrs. Matthews, “This is the fourth time you’re late, so please go to the principal’s office”

As soon as you see the angry look on his face you let your gaze wander to your songbook, not in the mood to watch him fight with the teacher. You keep your concentration on the song you were currently writing.

That is until the loud slam of the door makes your head snap up, your eyes finding Mrs. Matthews’ shocked face. Your eyes find Julie’s to find the girl as lost as you as she has been doodling on her notebook.

Class continues and the bell soon rings letting you know it is time for lunch, Julie and you walking side by side.

“I read the song your mom wrote, by the way,” You add seeing her eyes light up as you mention it “It is truly amazing, Jules, it is a very powerful song”

“I’m so glad you finally read it” She smiles, “I was thinking maybe we could duet it someday? It would definitely be cool, don’t you think?”

You smile softly before turning it into a smirk, “Julie and the Phantom’s leader with Y/N Y/L/N from Dirty Candy, sounds interesting”

She nudges you with an amused look before you both enter the cafeteria laughing. None of the students making noise in the cafeteria notice the angry looking kid sitting alone at one of the last tables.

How much would’ve things changed if someone had noticed?

10 Minutes Before the Shooting

Friday couldn’t have come sooner, both groups excited for the concert that was happening the next day. Though, that day seemed to be everlasting as you and Carrie walked to your last class of the day, the only class you both had with Julie and Flynn: Music.

As you make a quick stop to your locker to grab the music sheets for the song you were presenting today, Luke appears beside you making you let out a strangled scream.

“You need to stop that, Lu” You whisper while eyeing your surroundings, “Otherwise I’ll end up joining you on the other side soon”

The guitarist laughs at your joke before leaning on the locker beside your own, a soft smile on his face.

“Nervous about tomorrow?”

You close your locker before making your way to music class, Luke soon walking beside you.

“Totally” you breathe out, “We’re going to be in front of thousands of people, thousands, Luke. Thi-this is HUGE”

The boy smiles excitedly, “I cannot believe it is happening either but I can’t wait. I’m so excited to rehearse today one last time”

“Me too, Dirty Candy’s routine is going to make the crowd go wow”

Luke lets out an exaggerated groan as he hears your lame joke referring to one of your band’s songs, a smile soon adorning his features.

“You’re coming to reahearsal today, right? Songwriting session after?”

“Songwriting session after” You promise before entering your classroom, the ghost soon disappearing to go to the Molina’s studio.

You take your seat besides Carrie, not missing Julie’s teasing smirk sent your way as she caught Luke before he poofed out. You roll your eyes at her with a small smile before paying attention to Mrs. Harrison’s lesson.

Not even two minutes later, a loud bang sounds throughout the school. The loud noise echoing in each classroom making every student freeze in confusion.

Another loud noise soon follows before the screams start. Mrs. Harrison soon jumps to action going to lock the classroom door.

“Everybody down! Against the walls! Cover your heads!” She whispers loudly as she turns off the lights, “Boys, help me move the desks in front of the door”

Everyone soon moves to do as told. Carrie, Julie, Flynn, and Y/N soon snuggling in a corner together, the four of you staring wide-eyed at one another as you feel the fear of the unknown crawling through your bodies.

You listened to the hurried steps of students running through the hallways as more screams pierce through the halls. Gunshots echoing.

“Now, I know this is scary and I know you’re confused, kids,” whispers Mrs. Harrison, “but I need you all to start sending texts to anyone outside of school. We need to make sure the authorities know what is happening”

You feel tears start sliding down your cheeks as your confusion turns into panic, your heart beating fastly in your chest as you grab your phone with your shaky hands. Out of the corner of your eye you see your best friends soon doing the same.

Everyone too scared to say something, the only sound being the muffled sobs that everyone lets out. Your breathing stops once you hear Julie’s ringtone sound loudly, the girl soon quieting it down.

“Everyone keep your phones on silence, no one needs to know we are here” their music teacher reminds them, “Remember every drill we’ve had, you have to follow three simple steps: Run, Hide, and as a last resource Defend”

Your clean your tears with your shaking hand as you try to stop the blurriness of your vision only to have more tears appear, you feel Julie take your hand and interlocking your fingers with hers.

“I’m scared” She whispers.

You look at her with tears blurring your vision, your face saying what you can’t, as somehow you can’t seem to find your voice. Another gunshot, this one closer than before, tears through the halls making you all let out strangled screams. Carrie jumping to your side -the one not occupied by Julie- and Flynn jumping to Julie’s.

The four of you staying close as tears stream down all of your faces.

From where you’re hiding you cannot see your classmates nor Mrs. Harrison’s, the soft cries being the only thing that makes you know they are there.

Another piercing scream followed by a gunshot tear through the school, the four of you letting out silent sobs. You grab your phone with shaky hands before typing fastly a text to your mom.

If anything happens, mom, I love you. -Y/N

You close your eyes as you try to calm your breathing, the thumping of your heart echoing in your ears. Another gunshot. You jump in your place with your eyes still close and a strong hold on both of your best friends.

Another gunshot and soon the doorknob jiggles, letting everyone know someone is trying to open the door. Everyone in the music room holds their breath as fear crawls through their skins.

All the laughs, the smiles, the tears, the moments you spent by your dad’s bed at the hospital, the rehearsals with the band, the sleepovers with Carrie, the time spent with Julie and Flynn, the moments you spent at the Molina’s studio, the songwriting with Luke. Everything comes crashing down.

The door is hit with force, the person trying to get in trying to make the door budge. You bite your lip hard to stop the scream that wants to make its way out of your throat.

The door is pushed one more time before steps resonate letting you all know the person is leaving. You let out a shaky breath, tears flowing neverending down your cheeks.

“I’m so so sorry, Julie” Whispers Carrie, “I’m sorry about our fight, I’m sorry for not letting you apologize and for pushing you away, I’m sorry for making Y/N and Flynn take sides, I’m sorry for taking Nick, and I’m sorry for never telling you I loved you”

You stared at the strawberry blonde with red puffy wide eyes, Carrie looking scared to death as she says what she had been keeping herself from saying this last year. Tears stream down her pale face as silent sobs shake her small body.

Julie moves quietly to get closer to her to hug her, both girls shaking in fear as they reconcile. Flynn moves to the spot Julie once resided, taking Y/N’s hand. Everyone crying softly as they wait for someone to tell them it’s okay to come out.

None of you know how long you stay there until there is a knock on the door making you all freeze with fear.

“This is L.A. P.D., everything is okay now. Is anyone in there?”

You all let out a breath of relief. Y/N closing her eyes as she lets out a loud sob, soon everyone crying their hearts out as they are soon escorted out of the room.

You hear the police ask for everyone to raise their hands, soon everyone doing as told, and to not look at your surroundings. Soon all of you being escorted to the outside in a line, though you can’t stop your eyes from drifting through the hallway once catching sight of all the blood.

You take a shaky breath as you feel the tears still flowing down your face.

The four girls hug each other tightly as they walk out into the school ground. All of your eyes taking their time to adjust to the bright sun. Faintly, you hear the police tell you all to not look back and decide to obey them this time as the glimpses of the blood and the bodies you saw inside were enough to have you struggling to breathe.

“Dad!” You hear Julie screaming in relief before detaching from all of you and running to his father’s arms.

It is when you see them hugging that your blurry eyes catch sight of your heartbroken mother, who soon runs to get to you with relief washing over her. It is until you are in her arms that the world around you starts spinning again.

The sounds become clearer and so does your vision as the pressure of everything finally leaves your body, sobs shaking your body in the safety of your mother’s arms. Out of the corner of your eyes you see Flynn and Carrie reuniting with their own parents as well as many other students.

But as you see reunions, you soon see the heartbreaking faces of realization and the agonizing screams of the losses of their children. Your sobs becoming louder.

Your mother soon falling with you to the floor as your knees give in, the weight of your body becoming too much as you try to put yourself back together. This wasn’t supposed to happen. How could this have happened? Why did it happen? Why?

96 Hours After the Shooting

Carrie, Flynn, Julie, and Y/N were cuddling together on the studio’s couch, their parents inside the Molina’s home. After the incident, the four of them had been joined to the hip only untangling themselves from the other to go sleep at their own houses.

Julie and Carrie holding hands tightly as they all stare at the wall silently with soft music playing in the background. School was closed until further noticed and you had all bailed on the concert at the Hollywood Bowl. The members of Sunset Curve watched you all carefully with heavy hearts. They all felt guilty for not being there for either of you.

Luke feeling his heart break whenever he saw a tear make its way down your face without your knowledge. None of them could ever understand the fear that any of you had felt at that moment or how it had scarred all of you.

So they just stood beside the four of you in a protective way, making sure you all knew you weren’t alone. And everynight, as the fear of closing your eyes and hearing the echoing of the shots ring through your head, Luke would poof in and lay beside you, singing a sweet lullaby to help you sleep.

Though you always woke up in a terrified daze, the guitarist soon jumping to bring you back to reality.

120 Hours After the Shooting

You feel a hand on your shoulder and you jump out of your bed, scared. Looking towards the source you find the hazel eyes of the lead guitarist on Julie’s band.

He looks at you with worry as he slowly starts crawling towards you, his steps were wary as if afraid you’d run out of the room any second.

He opens and closes his mouth repeatedly, he is talking to you, yet you cannot hear. Your ears numb to the sounds around you.

As you feel breathing becoming a harder task your eyes fall to your hands, wondering to yourself when will this ever stop?

How could this be your life now?

Silently, you stand up and head out of your room and downstairs to grab a glass of water. The sun rising through the sky to signal a new day. You gaze at it intently as you drink the water slowly, your heart calming down as it sees the beauty of it.

You weren’t okay. Neither of you was.

It would probably take a long time before either of you were completely okay, and even then the memory would haunt you. All you could do is take it one step at a time, trusting that the people who loved you would be ready to catch you if you stumbled. You were willing to do the same for the girls.

All of you would soon have to start attending the funerals of your classmates, of the people whose face you had all grown used to seeing, of people you had grown up with. You would have to be in the presence of heartbroken parents who screamed their lungs out in agony for the child they lost.

Your grip on the glass of water tightens as you feel your chest become heavier. One step at a time, you repeat in your head, one step at a time.

You feel Luke appear behind you, his arms soon wrapping around your waist as his face hides in your neck. A small smile makes its way to your face, one of your hands letting go of the glass of water to hold his arm. One step at a time, you repeated.

One step at a time.

#julie and the phantoms #luke patterson #luke patterson x oc #luke patterson x reader #luke patterson x y/n #sunset curve

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heylors · 3 years

Text

The one where Harry Styles and Taylor Swift reunited at the GRAMMYs 2021.

I just wanna taste it, I just wanna taste it Watermelon Sugar high Watermelon Sugar–

And the applause of the small crowd echoed in the studio they were in. It was ten seconds of clapping for Harry Styles who just opened the GRAMMYS with his hit single that is nominated for tonight. He bowed and fixed his hair while appreciating the cheers for him.

After his performance, he made a quick change and wore a custom made Gucci outfit with a fuzzy purple boa wrapped around his neck. He took photographs for the red carpet before proceeding to his seat.

After twenty minutes of waiting, the program resumed with the host presenting Taylor Swift to perform.

His heart suddenly started to beat faster than it did when he was opening up the GRAMMYS as soon as he saw his old flame on the big screen performing her song, Cardigan.

And when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someone's bed You put me on and said I was your favorite.

She then continued her performance by singing August and Willow.

Harry was able to sing along throughout the performance since he tried listening to Folklore. He's been always so amazed by how Taylor writes her lyrics and how she puts melodies into it. He remembers how she wrote 'Style' where she stated that he really got that James Dean daydream like... who writes like that? Who compliments their exes like THAT?

He was also stunned on how she wrote the bridge of Out of the Woods and how she narrated the downfall of their relationship in just a span of 20 seconds.

Taylor did the same thing as Harry after performing. She changed her wardrobe after going back to her seat with Jack and Aaron.

While waiting for the program to resume, her eyes explored the tent where a lot of nominated artists are seated but as soon as she laid her eyes to the man who inspired the album that was awarded AOTY last 2016, it never left.

She smiled behind her mask. She remembers how Harry would talk about how cool it is if he wins an award for himself back in 2012. She knew he was so passionate as her on writing songs about his feelings and seeing him 9 years later, nominated for the same categories with her at the GRAMMYS, is something that makes her feel cozy at some point.

Harry gazed at her the same time Taylor was gazing at him. His green and her ocean blue eyes collided once again after years of not seeing each other.

They both squinted and knew they both lowkey smiled at each other since their masks were covering their mouths.

After the quick intimate staring, they both looked at different ways and made themselves busy but they couldn't deny the fact that memories from the past starts to linger in their heads.

Before they can even zone out from their reality, the program resumed and they were about to announce the winner for Best Pop Solo Performance where they are both nominated.

While they are showing the nominees, Harry kept looking at Taylor's direction because he knows that she's gonna get the GRAMMY and didn't even thought of winning it for himself. He's already too grateful to be nominated alongside his ex and other wonderful artists.

Taylor on the other side is hoping for her old flame to win knowing how much it would mean to him plus, she knows he deserves it.

"And the GRAMMY goes to...."

"Harry Styles." Taylor breathed.

"Cardigan." Harry sighed.

"Watermelon Sugar, Harry Styles!"

Taylor smiled and stood up before anyone else. Even before Harry.

She clapped and looked at his direction. She starts nodding as if she was saying "Well deserved, Lad. Well deserved."

Harry proceed to give his acceptance speech for his first ever GRAMMY which he only dreamt of having. He grabbed the trophy and put it back seconds after holding it.

"Wow, erm..." He sighed before continuing his speech. He couldn't believe it, and the thought of winning something from a prestigious award show couldn't sink in that quick.

Taylor's watching him from her seat and couldn't help but to grin behind her mask all throughout his speech. She could tell that he's nervous because he speaks too fast and he kept looking down.

"All of these songs are fucking massive." Harry said and took a quick glance to Taylor so they made another eye contact.

"I feel honored to be among all of you so thank you so much." This time, Harry's eyes were locked in to Taylor and she didn't even looked away. She's just so proud of him and how far he's made.

Harry made his way out after giving his speech but he forgets to take his GRAMMY with him which made Taylor giggled.

Harry took some quick photographs backstage with his achievement and the thought of winning against those artists is still not sinking in for him. He went back to his seat since he's nominated for two more categories where in one of them, he's nominated alongside Taylor again.

It was time to announce the winner for Best Pop Vocal Album so Taylor and Harry made themselves comfortable in their seats since this is a big category to win.

Taylor was sort of anxious because out of six nominations for Folklore, she won nothing since the pre-show. This is her second to the last nomination.

Though she was worried about it, a part of her didn't care about the awards because she didn't even think of winning awards for the album that she only wrote to keep herself busy and to entertain her fans during the lockdown.

"And the GRAMMY goes to... Future Nostalgia, Dua Lipa!"

Taylor as well as Harry clapped and stood up for their good friend. Despite of not winning 5/6 of her nominations tonight, Taylor remained calmed and enjoyed the rest of their evening.

As soon as Dua ended her acceptance speech, Harry took a quick glanced at Taylor who's also applauding for her.

He's thinking of approaching her before he gets out of the tent since he's not nominated for anything already. A little catch up wouldn't hurt anybody aye?

After the cameras stopped rolling, Harry stood up and talked to some artists in the room before walking towards Taylor to start a conversation.

"Hey, good to see you." Harry greeted Aaron Dessner as soon as he reached their table, "Congratulations on your nominations. Folklore deserved!"

Aaron congratulated Harry too for winning his first GRAMMY.

"Thanks! I couldn't believe it either." He then turn his attention to Taylor who's sitting on her chair, listening to their conversation.

"Great performance by the way." He looks down to her and started the conversation.

Taylor stood up so she would be on the same level as him, "Thank you! Did you see it?"

Harry nodded, "Yeah."

"We were like so nervous because its the first time we played on National TV." She explained.

"Yeah, it was great." Harry responded.

It felt like it was 2012 all over again but everything's not out of place, and there's no trace of uncertainty. He could tell that Taylor is in a very grounded, and stable life which he failed to give when they were in a relationship. She looked as beautiful as the day that he lost her.

He always imagined that they would be standing here, talking to each other about how great life is going on for the both of them. After what they had in the past, Taylor was something for him. She will always have this piece of him that she didn't know she holds.

December 2012 ( I highly recommend to play Unchained Melody by The Righteous Brothers while reading this part. )

"Help me move this one, Babe." Taylor asked his boyfriend a favor as she holds a side of her couch.

"Let me do it. I workout for you, you know." Harry flexed his muscles and winked at Taylor before holding the other side of the couch.

"With your clumsy ass? Yeah right." Taylor chuckled and rolled her eyes. Harry mocked her accent which made Taylor giggle.

"Let's just move the furnitures please? So we could dance."

After they moved some tables and upholstered piece of furnitures, Harry puts on The Righteous Brothers' vinyl record and Unchained Melody starts playing.

He walked towards Taylor who's waiting for him at the middle of her apartment.

He holds her tight like it was the last time because he knows deeply that this is soon gonna last considering that their relationship is very fragile and tentative.

They swayed slowly to the music with their eyes closed, feeling each others' heartbeat.

"I wish we could stay like this forever." Taylor whispered.

Harry rubs her back because he knows she's tearing up, "I always pray for it, baby."

After seconds of silence, she spoke again but this time with her voice cracking.

"Do you think we'll make it?" Taylor.

"We'll make it right?" She continued.

Harry sighed and responded, "Of course, we'll make it."

He kissed her temple and hugged her as she starts to sob. She held him tighter than she ever did before, knowing that it could be the last time she'll be holding the love of her life.

"Well, its great to see you!" Harry tries to end the conversation since he still has things to do backstage.

"It's great to see you too, Haz." She tilted her head and flashed a smile at him.

He bids goodbye to Taylor and the others who were at the table and then proceeds backstage. He wouldn't be there when they would announce the Album of the Year but he is certain that Taylor is going to get it. He is so sure that he already have a draft of a congratulation-text for her.

Taylor watches Harry walk away and realizations just hit her on the spot.

They made it.

Separately.

But they still made it.

and she's happy for that.

She considered Harry as someone who would interrupt her wedding because he believes that it isn't over yet. That it should be him that she must marry.

Nine years later, she still considers him who would still go to his wedding but to not interrupt it. He would be there with a date on his arm, a date he loves truly because he found his person too. He would give a beautiful toast about love and growth... about relationships that are meant to be and relationships that are meant to send you on a path of change.

They will share a dance where he kisses her on her forehead just like what they did back in December of 2012.

He'll tell her that he is proud of her, of them, and of their history and she's thankful to hear that from him.

She's been thinking about the hearts she's broken on her journey here, and he tells her his heart was broken but it taught him about himself in only the way your first love can.

Taylor tells him she really loves this person he is with and he tells her that he's been planning to propose and a year later, she's at his wedding giving a toast about love that's meant to be and love that helps you grow.

"And the GRAMMY goes to... Folklore, Taylor Swift!"

Harry flashed a grin as he watches Taylor makes history for being the first woman to win Album of the Year three times from the television backstage.

"Joe.." Taylor let out a sigh of relief as she thanks his boyfriend.

"Who is the first person that I play every single song that I write and I had the best time writing songs with you in quarantine."

And when I walked up to the podium, I didn't forgot to say your name.

And on her way home to her boyfriend, her phone lits up with a message notification from someone she knew and might really never forget as long as she lives.

From: unknown

Congratulations! I knew you would make history. You deserve it, Taylah.

Send my regards to Joe, I would love to meet the lad someday.

All the love, H.

___

#haylor #taylor swift #harry styles #haylor fic #haylor au #grammys2021 #haylor 2021 #grammys #au #fanfiction #just wrote what i wondered happened that day where we all died dead on the spot

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dem-obscure-imagines · 4 years

Text

The Rest of Our Forever

George Weasley x Reader

Fandom: Harry Potter

Note: This is a sequel to “Stuck With Me”. As always, fuck J.K. Rowling, trans rights are human rights. As a reminder, reader has healing powers.

Summary: After George proposes to you, you spend some time reflecting on all of the moments that have led you to where you are.

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR DEATHLY HALLOWS…mentions of death. Other than that, a little angst and a lot of fluff.

Word Count: 6.3k

“You look so beautiful, (Y/N)…” Ginny murmured. She tucked the sparkling tiara into your hair, which Fleur had pulled up into an elegant updo.

“That’s thanks to all of you.”

“Oh, no dear, you’re always beautiful.” Molly scolded. She had something in her hand, a little box. “Now, (Y/N), if it’s not too much to ask, I have this necklace for you to wear. You still need ‘something borrowed.’”

Molly pulled out a simple heart-shaped locket.

“Oh, Molly, it’s beautiful…” You covered your mouth with your hands, eyes tearing up. Molly had always been so accepting of you into her family, and this was, of course, no exception. “Of course I’d love to wear it. Thank you so much.”

“Anything for our newest Weasley.” She beamed, standing behind you to fasten the clasp around your neck. “I am so, unbelievably happy for you, dear. You make our Georgie so happy.”

You smiled, your heart racing just thinking about him. “He makes me so happy, too…”

***

You were nervous. So, unbelievably nervous. You were the only child in your family, a Muggleborn witch, and you had no idea what you were getting yourself into. So, wide-eyed and scared, you started wandering King’s Cross. You had no idea how you were supposed to get to Platform 9¾, and you were far too shy to ask, so instead you wandered towards 9 and 10, looking around desperately for someone who was like you. Someone who would make you feel less alone.

It was then that you were literally knocked off of your feet by a pair of red-headed twins. One of them immediately turned, a guilty look on his face at the sight of you, sitting on the concrete floor.

“Look what you’ve done, Fred! You’ve bulldozed her!” He called at his twin, who was looking on somewhat apologetically. “Sorry about him. He has no sense for this sort of thing. A bit clumsy, that one.” He held out his hand and you locked eyes with him. In that moment, something clicked inside of you and you stared up at him in shock for a moment before you took his hand, letting him pull you to your feet. “I’m George Weasley.”

“I’m (Y/N) (L/N),” you introduced, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. “Are you going to…um…” you leaned in and whispered, “Hogwarts?”

He nodded. “Are you a first year, too?”

“I am. I…don’t know what to do.”

“Don’t worry. You can follow us.” Fred encouraged.

“Meeting friends already, boys?” Molly asked. Her face lit up in a warm, welcoming smile when she saw the look on your face. “What’s your name, dear?”

“I’m (Y/N).” You introduced shyly.

“Well, Miss (Y/N), we will get you to Hogwarts in one piece, don’t you worry one bit. Now go on, George, you go first.”

“See you on the other side.” He said with a wink, taking ahold of his cart and pushing it straight through the platform.

You watched in awe as he disappeared into the brick pillar. “Woah…”

Fred went next, and then some of the twins’ older brothers. And then you took your turn, running straight through the brick wall and into a train platform identical to the one you’d just left. George was waiting there with a lopsided supportive smile.

“See? It’s not so bad.”

“It’s not.” You agreed.

“Do you have anyone to sit with?” George asked, realizing that since you were there alone, you probably didn’t have any wizard friends.

You shook your head, your lip pulled between your teeth.

“You can sit with us, if you like.” Fred offered with a smile. “I owe you one for knocking you over earlier.” When he said it, he stepped on George’s foot.

Pain shot through your toes and you looked down, but found that there was nothing there to cause it. Instead, George cursed and lifted his foot.

“Merlin, Fred! Watch it!”

You were stunned into silence, staring at George and at his foot and then back at yours, and all at once, you understood the feeling that had clicked in your chest when you’d first locked eyes with him. You had a feeling that you were going to have to get used to George Weasley…

***

It was your fourth year. You were worried about lots of things. Namely, the giant snake roaming the castle, and additionally, your best friend’s sister had disappeared because of it. You were headed down to the common room because you couldn’t sleep, but you quickly found that someone else had the very same idea. You heard sniffling, but until you got closer, you couldn’t tell who it was.

“George?” You asked softly. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine…” He lied, quickly wiping his tears away. “Even in the dark, you can tell us apart, huh?”

“It’s not that hard, really.” You said, walking around the edge of the couch and sitting down next to him. “You and Fred are more different than people give you credit for.”

“Yeah?”

“Oh yeah.” You nodded and summoned a tissue with your wand, offering it to him with a careful hand. He took it and used it to wipe away the remnants of his tears. “Big time.”

“How so?”

“Well, your eyes are the easiest tell. Yours are tilted down a little bit. And your noses are different. And your lips have an extra dip to them that Fred’s don’t.”

He smirked a bit. “Staring at my lips, are you?”

You winked. “Only on occasion.”

He laughed, giving you a playful nudge. But then, his expression turned sullen again. “Do…do your powers happen to work on feelings?”

You chuckled and shook your head. “They don’t, I’m sorry. I’m a good listener, though.”

“I’m just worried about Ginny.” His voice cracked and tears rolled down his cheeks. “W-what if—”

“They’re going to find her, George. I can feel it.”

“If she’s hurt…” his tear-filled eyes met yours, but he didn’t finish his question, shaking his head. Your powers were a secret and he knew that. He couldn’t ask that of you, it wasn’t his place.

You looked at him and your heart melted. You pulled him into your arms, a hand stroking through his red hair comfortingly, the way he did when you were feeling down. You leaned in close to his ear and whispered, “If she’s hurt, I will heal her just like I’ve been healing you.” You hugged him tighter. “I promise.”

He gave you a grateful squeeze, surrendering to his sobs and your warmth, letting you soothe the heavy feelings weighing him down until his crying subsided to sniffles again. You really were good at making him feel better, and apparently, it did apply to more than just his injuries.

***

It was your fifth year. You and George had been dating for a little while now, a few months. As always, you were in the stands of every Quidditch game. And when Gryffindor won, as expected, you rushed down to the field with the rest of the students in the stands, hurrying to find George as quickly as you could.

You ran into Fred first, smiled at him, congratulated him on a good game, and then turned, looking for his brother. It had gotten a lot easier to find them since their growth spurt over the summer. Now, they towered over just about everybody, yourself included.

You turned around again, and found him standing right behind you. You launched yourself into his arms, giggling when he hoisted you off the ground and spun you around. You could feel through your bond that he had a bruise on his back, but that was a problem for later. “That was such a good game, Georgie! You were spectacular out there.”

“Of course I was.” He kissed your cheek and then your forehead. “I had my lucky charm up there cheering me on.” He set you back down on the ground, taking your hands in his.

Merlin, he looked so good in that uniform, especially with his longer hair all messed up from the game.

“See something you fancy?” He raised an eyebrow, admiring the lovestruck look on your face.

“You look so hot in uniform.” You murmured, your lip caught between your teeth.

His eyes sparkled and he leaned in closer. “Oh yeah, (L/N)?”

“Mmhmm.” You hummed innocently. You stood on your toes and pressed a kiss to his lips, which he quickly deepened, pulling you up to him and leaning down to meet you in the middle.

When you parted, he rested his forehead against yours, his warm breaths ghosting across your cheeks. His fingers intertwined with yours, and he inhaled a nervous little breath.

“(Y/N), come home for Christmas with me this year.” He whispered, his sparkling eyes waiting anxiously for a reply.

“I’d love to, George.” You nodded and wrapped your arms around his muscled torso, nuzzling your face into his chest. His long arms wrapped around you and you felt his head rest against yours.

“Good, because my mum loves you and she’s been on me about it for weeks.”

“Awwwww, I love your mom.” You looked up at George and then added. “Now let’s go upstairs and fix up your bruises because damn that bludger hurt like a bitch.”

“Right. Sorry about that, love.” He took your hand and kissed it, swinging it between you as you made your way up to the common rooms.

***

When Christmas break finally came around, you were excited, but you were also a little nervous. You’d met the majority of the Weasleys, but you hadn’t seen most of them since you and George had started dating. You knew they liked you as his friend just fine, but you weren’t sure how they would feel about you as George’s girlfriend.

All your worries, however, were set aside when you stepped through the front door of the Burrow and Molly pulled you into the warmest hug, absolutely buzzing with excitement.

“George wrote me about the good news, dear! I’m so glad he finally plucked up the courage! He’s fancied you since third year and I was beginning to think he’d never get around to telling you.”

You blushed red and laughed, looking back at George for confirmation. “Third year, huh?”

He grinned guiltily, his cheeks steadily reddening. “Alright, woman, let’s not spill all my secrets just yet. She just got here.”

“Right, right, of course.” Molly let go of you. “Would you like some tea, dear?”

“Sure, thank you!” You smiled. Once she walked over towards the kettle, you looked up at George, smiling. “Third year…”

“Yeah, yeah. But I mean, could you blame me?” His eyes held so much more information than he was saying, and you appreciated the subtlety. He really was committed to keeping your secret a secret.

“I guess I am quite the catch.” You shrugged, laughing.

He slung a long arm around your shoulders and pulled you closer to him. He kissed your temple softly before whispering, “That you are.”

The way the sleeping arrangements were, you were in Ginny’s room with Ginny and Hermione, and this had led to some playful gossip, which you, for one, loved. As an only child, you’d always wanted a sister, and Ginny and Hermione really did feel like your sisters after everything you’d all been through.

“I still can’t believe you’re dating George.” Ginny grinned, shaking her head. “I’m happy, believe me, but I can’t believe he finally asked you out. He’s been pining like a lovesick puppy for so long…”

“Oh my gosh, really?” You giggled. “That’s adorable.”

“I think it’s sweet. You always have had a special bond.” Hermione added, thinking. “It was inevitable, really.”

“Yeah, I think so, too.” You nodded. “If he didn’t ask me out, I think eventually, I would have just pushed him into a wall and kissed him senseless.��

“Ew.” Ginny gagged.

“Well, I, for one, would have enjoyed it.” George piped up from the doorway, the look in his eyes soft, but with a hint of mischief. “Just came to say goodnight, love.”

You stood up and walked over to him. His Christmas pajamas were draped over his long frame, the ends of his pants not quite reaching all the way down to his ankles. Cute.

He pulled you into the hallway for a bit of privacy from the girls. Once you were out of sight, he leaned down and pressed his lips to yours softly. You reciprocated just as gently.

“Merry Christmas.” He whispered, his voice deeper than usual because of how tired he was. It was indeed getting late, and you were sure that was why the next three words slipped through his perfect lips. “I love you.”

You were both quiet for a beat. He sobered up immediately, realizing what he’d just whispered, his eyes widening. He stuttered, “I…uh…”

Your heart raced and you replied, “I love you too.” You stood on your toes and wrapped your arms around his shoulders, leaning into his ear to whisper, “I love you so much, George.”

His arms circled around your frame, hugging you tight as he exhaled a long sigh. “Good. It just…slipped out, but I do mean it. I love you (Y/N) (L/N). I have for a very long time.”

***

The next morning, all the Weasleys gathered around. You walked into the living room and looked around for an empty spot to sit. Luckily, there was one right next to George. It was a tight fit, but you didn’t mind being squished up next to him.

There were loads of presents in piles scattered across the floor. Molly handed you a large parcel wrapped in brown paper and tied with string, and when you opened it, there was a (favorite color) sweater inside with a giant (your initial) knitted into it. Your eyes widened and you gasped.

“Mrs. Weasley, this is amazing! Thank you so much!” You just about cried, tears threatening to blur your vision.

“Of course, dear.” She hugged you tightly, kissing the top of your head motherly. “You’re a member of the family, after all.”

And in that moment, surrounded by all of the Weasleys and Harry and Hermione, George’s hand on your knee and a proud look in his eye, you knew she was right. Being with them in the Burrow was exactly where you belonged.

***

“Alright, Fred, take a look.” You handed him a mirror and he held it up, admiring the three-leafed clover you’d painted onto his face. The Weasleys had invited you to the Quidditch World Cup with them, so currently, you were in their tent, painting the twins’ faces.

“Wicked!” He grinned. “Thanks, (Y/N)!”

“Of course.” You turned to your boyfriend. “Georgie? You want face paint?”

“Just do mine like yours, love. We can match.” He smiled softly up at you.

“Ugh,” Fred grimaced, “look what you’ve done, (L/N). You’ve turned my brother into a softy.”

“He was a softy way before I interfered.” You laughed.

George was about to protest, but you settled yourself into his lap, shutting him right up.

“Just tell me if I’m getting too close.” You whispered, dipping the brush you were using in green face paint and carefully drawing stripes on his face.

He leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to your lips. “That’s impossible, darling.”

“Eww, gross.” Fred threw a throw pillow at you, causing you both to giggle.

“Everyone ready?” Arthur asked.

“Just about.” Fred called.

You put the final touches on George’s face paint so it was identical to yours, green and white stripes on your cheeks. You leaned forward and kissed his nose. “All done.”

You got up and followed the boys out to the stadium. The game was fantastic, and you loved seeing how excited the twins got. You had never really gotten to watch Quidditch with George. Every other time you saw a game, he was the one playing in it, so it was fun to see just how riled up he got. You didn’t think it was possible to fall any further in love with him, but steadily, you were.

After the game, George could tell you were tired, so he bent down in front of you, his arms reaching out behind him. You hopped up onto his back and his arms latched under your thighs, carrying you back to the tent with ease. He set you on the couch and you watched tiredly as the twins paraded around the tent, very excited about Ireland’s win. You were sort of drifting in and out, but then George was kneeling in front of you, very serious, his eyes wide.

“Death Eaters. We have to go.”

He tugged you to your feet and you followed him, your hand clasped tightly in his larger, stronger one. You both had your wands out, and you followed Arthur’s lead until finally, you’d all made it to safety. Well, after they went back to find Harry, of course. You didn’t even realize you’d gotten hurt until you all made it back to the Burrow.

At first, you thought it was George who’d burned his hand, but when you looked down, it was your skin that was reddened and irritated.

You poked it with curious fingers and hissed at the pain. George perked up immediately, grabbing your good hand and pulling you to the kitchen after him. He placed himself so his body was a shield between you and the rest of his family, giving you privacy to heal yourself.

“Go ahead, love.” He watched you expectantly, but you shook your head, looking up at him.

“It doesn’t work like that, Georgie.” You lit your hand and held it above the burned skin, but nothing happened. “It doesn’t work on me.”

“Well that’s not fair.” He bit his lip and shook his head. He hoisted you up onto the kitchen counter, causing you to squeak at the unexpected movement. He smiled softly and pushed hair out of the front of your face, leaning in to kiss you gently. And then, he whispered, “My turn to patch you up, then, love.”

He left for a moment and returned with medical supplies. In his absence, you’d started running the burn under some cold water to stop it from hurting for a little bit. He got out some burn ointment and gauze, and once you’d dried off your hand a bit, he dabbed the ointment on gently with his careful finger. Then, he wrapped it up. You stared at him as he worked, focus evident on his handsome features and obscured only slightly by the long hair he was sporting recently.

When he was finished, he looked back up at you to find the softest look he’d ever seen gracing your face. He chuckled. “What?”

“Nothing.” You bit your lip. “Just thinking is all.”

“About what?” He pressed, mischief and love in his eyes.

“You.” You laughed to yourself. Even perched up on the counter, he still towered over you. You reached forward and tugged him closer by the fabric of his shirt. Then, as you leaned in to kiss him, you whispered, “It’s always you…”

***

“Woah…” You murmured, walking in through the front doors of Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes for the first time. It was just as colorful as you’d expected it to be, knowing the wizards who had put the place together. They were especially busy today, and you hadn’t had time to stop in since you’d finally escaped Umbridge’s iron grasp and graduated. There were toys and candies and treats all over the place.

You wandered around, admiring everything until you felt a tap on your shoulder. You turned around and found yourself face to face with Fred, an amused grin on his face.

“About time you came here, (L/N). We thought you’d never pop in.”

“This place is amazing, Fred. I can’t believe you two…well, no that’s not true. You’re the most creative people I’ve ever met, of course you pulled something this spectacular off.”

“Cut it with the flattery.” Fred crossed his arms, grinning proudly. “You’re not getting the ‘dating my brother’ discount.”

“Darn.” You laughed. “Speaking of…?”

“He’s upstairs helping some customers. Should be down in a second.”

“Right here, love.” He walked down the stairs, and you had to do a double-take at the sight of him looking so sharp in his work suit, his hair spiked up away from his face.

“Wow.” You whistled, taking him in. “You look sharp.”

“We’re literally identical.” Fred looked from your lovestruck face to his twin and then back to you. “What did you think he would look like after you’ve already seen me?”

“What can I say, Freddie? I’ve just got my own charm.” George chuckled, stopping in front of you. He cupped your cheeks in his hands and raised your face to his, kissing you passionately, but briefly, for the sake of both his brother and the customers.

When you parted, you spoke softly. “You hurt your hand yesterday, didn’t you?”

“Cut my knuckle…” He admitted, looking down at you sheepishly. “Sorry, love.”

“Don’t be sorry, just let me fix it.” You stood on your toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“We’ll be in the back room, Freddie.” George told him, tugging you towards the storage room.

“I won’t wait up, lovebirds.” Fred winked.

You laughed and shook your head at him. Once the door was closed behind you and George, you set to work, hand lit with magic as you healed up the tiny wound on his middle finger. You took his hand in yours and kissed the now-healed spot. “There. All better.”

“Thank you.” He pulled you into a tight hug, exhaling a sigh he’d been holding in for far too long. He hated that he didn’t get to see you every day like he used to. He hated being apart from you for days or weeks at a time. “Love, I’ve missed you so much.”

“I missed you, too.”

He was quiet for a beat, his arms still wrapped around you. A thought presented itself to him in his mind and he mulled it over for a beat before he blurted, “You should move in with us.”

Your heart raced. “Yeah?”

“Our flat isn’t much, but…I happen to think it would be a lot better if you were here.”

You nodded, looking up at him, your eyes sparkling. “I think so, too.”

***

And then came the fateful night when you’d found George bleeding on the couch and you’d revealed your secret to his entire family in order to heal his ear. And then, he’d proposed.

It was the morning after. You’d talked to Molly about it, and she’d had some questions. You told her you could feel George’s pain, that you were connected somehow and that because of it, you’d been healing every injury he’d had since he broke his arm third year. When she heard, she pulled you into the tightest hug and thanked you and told you how happy you’d crossed paths with George all those years before.

You were wrapped up in one of George’s sweaters. The sleeves hung far beyond your fingertips, and you were drowning in the fabric, but it was cozy and warm and it smelled like him, so you were happy.

You wandered downstairs, still a little drowsy. George was definitely more of a morning person than you were, and he was already wide awake and down in the kitchen, drinking coffee. You found him leaning against the counter, a smug look on his face and a toothbrush sticking out of his ear; the very ear you’d patched up the night before.

“Moooorning.” He drawled, his voice still extra deep from waking up.

You raised an eyebrow, laughing at the toothbrush. “Do I even wanna know?”

“Just making sure it still works, love.” He grinned, pulling the toothbrush out of his ear and setting it on the counter.

“How did I do, by the way?” You walked up closer to get a better look. There was one chunk in the middle of his outer ear that was missing, but the skin was healed and closed up, and you weren’t getting any pain through the bond you shared, so you weren’t sure how much more you could do for him. “Aww, I missed a bit.”

“I’m pretty sure I lost that when it happened. Don’t worry about it.” He shook his head, his eyes soft. “It’s because of you I even still have this ear at all.”

“You’re all dressed up early.” You noted, looking at him in his suit. Bill and Fleur’s wedding was today, but you were nowhere near ready.

“I have to set up the tent with dad in a bit.” He explained. He set down his coffee and opened his arms.

You caved, walking closer to him and wrapping your arms around him, curling into his chest.

He kissed your forehead, stroking through your hair, a smile on his face. “How’s my fiancé doing today?”

Your heart skipped a beat and you hugged him tighter, your cheeks flushed red. “So much better, now.”

“It’ll be our wedding next, love.”

“I’m gonna cry.” You whispered, your voice shaking as you were overcome with the emotion of everything that was happening. You were engaged to a man you’d been in love with since you were thirteen and you couldn’t have been happier about it. “I can’t wait to marry you.”

George wiped the tear from your cheek and pulled you in for a long kiss. “I can’t wait to marry you either.”

***

The battle was intense. Spells were slinging every which way. Explosions sounded, the castle crumbled, and you watched as your friends fought for their lives against the Death Eaters determined to strike them down.

You’d been separated from George about twenty minutes before, but you hadn’t felt any pain through your bond, so you weren’t as concerned as you would be if you knew something was happening out of your sight.

You spent most of the battle patching people up as quietly and privately as you could manage. If the Death Eaters knew you were a healer, you knew they’d kill you immediately. You were too valuable to the wizards you cared about.

You had your wand out, slinging spells at whatever Death Eaters you could, disarming them and flinging their wands into oblivion. You ran through the violent halls, keeping an eye out for George and watching for anyone who needed help.

You spotted Fred and Percy and you made your way closer to them.

It was then that the explosion went off.

The walls crumbled, and Fred collapsed. You sprinted to him as fast as you could, diving onto the floor. Percy walked over, panic evident on his face.

Your heart sank. Fred wasn’t breathing. And yet, kneeling over him, you could still feel a zing in his chest. Maybe it was your powers, or maybe it was what you were always meant to do, the reason you’d been connected with George, but you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt: you had to save Fred Weasley.

You tucked your wand into your pocket and raised both of your hands, lighting them with the brightest golden healing music you could muster. You focused on the zing still hovering in his chest. It was fainter than it had been a few seconds before. You didn’t have much time, and you knew that.

“Percy, cover us. I can save him, but I have to work quickly.”

“On it.” Percy nodded, putting his back to yours and raising his wand while you pushed every ounce of power you had into the middle of Fred’s chest.

You stayed there for a long time, your hands glowing, Percy slinging spells to protect you and his dying little brother. Finally, after what felt like eternities, Fred’s chest rose and fell and rose and fell. You kept pushing, intense focus in every move you made, every breath you took.

His eyes fluttered open and he looked up at you, confused.

“What’s going on?” he asked weakly.

“You died.” You replied, still pushing energy into his chest. “But George needs a best man at our wedding, so that’s not an option.”

He chuckled hoarsely. “Well, thank you, for the record.”

“Don’t mention it til I’m finished.” You kept at it, watching as the color returned to his cheeks. “Just keep breathing for me, Weasley.”

“I can do that.”

You kept radiating energy into Fred, and as you did, you felt blood drip from your nostril, the world starting to spin around you. You stopped.

Fred sat up, looking at you with wide eyes. “Hey now, breathe for me, (L/N).”

You nodded, your blinks getting longer. Then, all at once, you slumped over, the world going black.

***

You woke up in a pair of strong arms, held against a shaking chest, droplets of water dripping down onto your face. A pair of lips kissed your forehead over and over, and a familiar voice murmured, “I’m so sorry, love. So, so sorry…” He sobbed. “I should have been there…”

“Georgie, why are you crying?” You asked softly, looking up at him.

He froze, going quiet. He looked down and met your gaze, tears rolling down his cheeks as he pulled you into a more upright position, just about crushing you against his chest. “Don’t ever scare me like that again.” He exhaled a long sigh. “You…you weren’t breathing, and I thought…”

“We all thought…” Fred met your gaze over George’s shoulder, guilt all over his face.

Looking up, you found yourself surrounded by Weasleys, who, until a few moments ago, thought you were dead.

You pulled away from George’s neck to get a better look at his face. You cupped his cheek with a gentle hand and rested your forehead against his. “I’m not going anywhere.” You kissed him softly before adding, “You’re stuck with me, Weasley.”

He couldn’t hold in his tears when he finished, “Gee, real shame that is.”

You wrapped your arms around him and tugged him closer. He held you like it was the last time he would ever get to. Your hand rose to run through his hair.

“I’m right here,” you whispered, trying to comfort him. “I’m right here, George. I love you so much…”

***

After the battle, once the dust had settled and Voldemort was dead once and for all, you’d volunteered to help clean up. George and Fred had accompanied you, wanting to help out however they could, so the three of you were currently fixing the collapsed walls.

“I didn’t know you could bring dead people back to life.” Fred said, looking down the hallway to the remains of the very wall that had taken him out.

“Neither did I.” You chuckled, waving your wand at the rubble and watching as it floated back into place, repairing as though it had never been broken in the first place. “But I knew I couldn’t let you die.”

“Thanks for that, by the way.” Fred laughed. “I owe you whatever sweets you want from the shop for the rest of our lives.”

“Deal.”

Once the hallway was all fixed up, George took your hand and gave it a squeeze. “Do you want to take a walk with me, love?”

“Yeah, I could use some air.” You nodded. “See you in a bit, Fred.”

Fred gave George a knowing look that went over your head. You followed George through the castle and then out the doors and down towards the lake. It was a beautiful day, just chilly enough to warrant George’s oversized sweater draped over your frame. The sky was blue and there was a gentle breeze. Even the lake was serene, occasional ripples disturbing the clear surface.

Once you stopped walking, George took his hand out of yours. He took a breath and you looked up at him, waiting for him to say whatever was on his mind.

“My mum…found this. It was my grandmother’s. I figured I should do this properly.” George said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a little velvet box.

You covered your mouth, tears fogging your vision as he got on one knee, opening the box to reveal the most beautiful ring you’d ever seen.

“(Y/N) (L/N), over these past four years, you’ve made me the happiest wizard in the world. Will you marry me?”

And once again, you replied, “Yes. Of course I will marry you, George Weasley.”

***

“Are we all ready in here, ladies?” A tall red-haired wizard popped his head into Ginny’s room, where you and the others were getting ready.

“George! Get out of here! It’s bad luck!” Molly started scolding, but stopped abruptly. “Sorry, Fred. Yes, we’re all ready.”

“And you call yourself our mother…” Fred shook his head, a mischievous smirk on his face. “Where’s the lady of the hour?”

“Right here.” You stood from the makeshift vanity and turned to face your fiancé’s twin.

He took you in, letting out a low whistle. “You’re gonna make Georgie cry.”

“That was the goal.” Ginny smiled, adjusting your veil.

You looked in the mirror one last time, fiddling with the silk fabric of your skirt, and then you followed Fred and the others down the stairs. It was going to be a simple ceremony. Remus Lupin was officiating. It would just be your friends and family in attendance. Quite honestly, you would have married George Weasley on your front porch with only the mailman as a witness. You loved him endlessly, and you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your life with him.

You followed the procession of bridesmaids and groomsmen. Your father walked you down the aisle, and as soon as George laid eyes on you, his breath caught in his throat and tears fogged up his vision. There she was. His wife. His beautiful wife who he’d been in love with for six years.

When you finally got to him, he gently lifted the veil off of your face, studying your features as though he’d be tested on them later.

“Hey there, love.” He whispered, trying to dispel his own nerves along with yours.

“Hey.” You whispered back, smiling softly.

Remus started the ceremony and you said your vows and exchanged your rings and then, finally, you kissed him. George’s hands framed your cheeks and he met you in the middle, kissing you passionately.

When the two of you parted, he whispered, “What now, Mrs. Weasley?”

“Now, Mr. Weasley…” you slipped both of your hands into his and gave them a squeeze, “we get started on the rest of our forever.”

#george weasley #george weasley x reader #george weasley imagine #george #george x reader #george imagine #hp #hp imagine #harry potter #harry potter imagine

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whyjm · 3 years

Text

Why I did not like the Spn finale

This is gonna be a long post..

I cannot get over my thoughts about how it ended and how bad I feel about it. I am so angry, sad and feel so utterly disappointed, I cannot wrap my mind around how this was supposed to be a satisfying tying up emotional archs ending??? Bc it was so far away from satisfying I would laugh if I was not presently crying over it..

There are several things that irked me a lot. Many people have voiced the problems of this show and its ending much more eloquently than I will ever be able to do.. But I gotta get these fucking thoughts and feelings out of my system.

I have been with Spn since the first episode aired. I am a straight woman, I don’t have to fight for representation, I don’t have to worry about coming out and being accepted for who I am, I don’t have the daily struggles of feeling anxious or depressed or suicidal or not being able to be who I am. I am lucky that way!

To me love is love and all love should be equal! And I stand with all who struggle and all who are not free to be who they are. I see you and I love you and I support you fully!!!

To see my friends having to fight, and then on top of that have a show that has meant so much to so many people be butchered and have a negative last message sent out, in its last 36 minutes of its life … It is a hard pill to swallow.

Cas and Dean

In 15x18 we got to have a beautiful confession from Cas to Dean where Cas tells Dean he loves him and we know this is romantic love bc Cas begins by saying that the one thing I want I know I can’t have and then later I love you. Also Misha confirming it! This scene made me ugly cry so hard bc FINALLY.. (BUT what is missing from it.. the editing is strange.. bc Cas pushes Dean to the right but he falls to the left. Dean has no tears in his eyes while he looks straight at Cas when he talks, but he has tears in his eyes when he looks over his shoulder and see the empty. So what in this scene has been cut away and WHY?) Misha and Jensen did a great job with this and Cas got to find peace in just speaking his truth... And it was beautiful to watch and after having seen Dean sitting sobbing on the floor the natural and logical continuation of this would have been to in the next episode address this, but in episode 19 no such thing happened. And I wondered where did Dean’s grief go where did his CARE for Cas go?? Dean who has been depressed and suicidal when Cas have died before is all of sudden cold and act like nothing have happened at least nothing that affected him very deeply.. It felt disconnected and strange. And it continued on like that and it felt very strange to NOT address such a HUGH plot point. It’s not enough to have Dean say to Chuck to bring Cas back or to see him wasted out of his mind, or hugging a dog like his emotional wellbeing depends on it.. This is not resolution or addressing it.

All of season 15 has felt like the relationship between Cas and Dean has been in focus and important to the overall arch of the season, and explored and then all of a sudden all traces of it are just ripped away, erased completely.. To have a confession like this go unacknowledged to me is poor writing bc you do not leave this big of a thing hanging in the air without resolution (fine you can argue Cas got resolution but I feel that no Cas did not get resolution either bc his feelings SHOULD have gotten a response no matter what that response was.. Dean did not, we never got to hear or see his version or his thoughts about it.)

I was thinking narratively they HAVE to address this, Deans thoughts and reactions to this gotta be shown. They HAVE to resolve this, acknowledge it. I have been sure a long time they would NEVER have Dean reciprocate Cas love but keep it in subtext bc they are too fucking chickenshit to do that but at least have Dean talk about Cas….. that I expected him to do.. But it was not done in 19. I got the horrible feeling in my gut that they are not gonna resolve this they are gonna fuck this up, they are gonna go full brothers only and not give a fuck they are gonna push Cas out and show no care. Then we come to the final episode and boy howdy is there a lot to unpack with this episode.

(I had watched the long road home before the finale and when I watched that I KNEW that the end was going to be a letdown I felt it in all of me that I was gonna be disappointed. And I was proven right. And I have so many thoughts all jumbled up around each other that I don’t know in which end to start so sorry if what follows is incoherent and rambly.. )

15x20 - The end

20 felt like a FILLER episode, right up until Dean’s death scene I was bored and was seriously considering turning my computer of and just not watch. (A finale should be as engaging and emotionally packed like episode 18 was. I refuse to acknowledge 20 as the end.. To me it ended on 19. That wrapped things up. Not completely satisfying but hell of a lot better than the disaster that 20 is.) But then Dean was impaled on that rusty spike thingy and I was watching with attention. I GET why they did Deans death the way they did, even if that is one shitty death for Dean and could have been fixed so he did not die.. I get what they wanted to get out of it: a brothers sad moment that they turned into a irksome thing. I actually cringed about the head thing and the hands and the farming of it all just urgh I got sick to my stomach watching that. What should have been a beautifully sad moment was put together in a romantic coded way and that to me ruined the heartfelt goodbye. Bc you do not touch and hold a dying family member like that. I KNOW I have said goodbye to my fair share of loved ones that I have loved soo deeply, but the thought of touching like that NO no way.. And also they have NEVER done that forehead touch in previous deaths, so to do this now just felt irksome.

They killed Dean a character that has struggled his whole life with being daddy’s blunt little instrument, who has self-worth issues and are suicidal, who has never lived for his own sake but have only ever lived to protect and raise another, he continues to put others before himself though (up until the last couple of seasons where we have seen them both break away from this toxic behavior). Finally he was allowed to LIVE and have a life that was not controlled, not running in a hamster wheel like a fucking puppet on a string. He was Free of all of that. He was free to go after what HE wanted for himself and what Dean wanted was LOVE, in my mind its perfectly clear that Dean loves Cas back bc that is what the story have been telling us.. its right there and the story do not make sense without it. Many others have done a great job at talking about this and describe this way better than me. So I leave further discussion about that topic to them.

Dean was looking for a job. The angel Dean has loved since purgatory told him that he loved him and then died sacrificing himself to SAVE Dean yet again and then Dean dies a few days later.. How is this doing justice to Dean and what the hell kind of message does this send out to the ones watching?? They are saying it does not matter if you fight, your destiny is written for you and the only relief and comfort you will have will be death. They are saying Meh don’t fight it’s better to die bc it does not matter what you do. This is one of the fucked up messages this godawful ending sent to all those who have identified with Dean and Cas throughout the years.

They also say Cas who has been part of the story for 12 years is not important enough to have there, they IGNORED Cas, a mention in passing does not do justice to a character that has been crucial to the boys lives for 12 years. Dean Screamed in Sam’s face CAS IS FAMILY, Dean was destroyed when Cas died, he was hurt when Cas left bc everyone leaves Dean, Sam missed Cas etc… but still not important enough to show up in heaven in the last episode greeting first Dean and then Sam to heaven.. PFT…

To leave Cas and Misha out of the FINALE of a show that he has been part of for 12 years is so fucking disrespectful to Cas, to Misha and ALL the fans who love and adore both. It also makes no sense since they all say how beloved Cas and Misha are. and don’t go fucking covid made it impossible bc the last scene with all those people without masks.. No that is just lying liars who lie…Covid my ass! This angers me a lot.

Family do end in ONLY blood apparently…..

(And maybe lead to a lot of viewers for walker??? hence this very nice shirltess Sam scene............. ) shirtless Sam is always good though so no complaining here.

We see Sam and the dog give Dean a hunters funeral.. NO OTHERS are there? How is it possible that none of the found family wouldn’t want to be there and show up?? Jack has restored everyone but still only Sam and the dog are there, no Eileen, no Jody and the girls, Donna, Garth, and the list goes on and on. Bc they wanna hammer in harder that supernatural has ever only ever been about two brothers and no one else matters ever.. It does not matter that this has not been true since the earlier seasons. The show of course is about Sam and Dean’s lives and journey through life, and I have loved to follow along on their journey. BUT it was a long time ago this was the ONLY thing that mattered (bc if it had only been about the brothers the show would NOT have gone on for this long). Along the way they have picked up FOUND Family, and the message of the show has been Family don’t end in blood, Always Keep Fighting. But this last episode reverted back to season 1 and disregarded ALL character growth and storytelling of the past 12 years and went with fuck it ONLY Sam and Dean are important. So the next fucked up message they sent where: There is no Family don’t end in blood.. The only family that matters is blood. And then they have the balls to say Always Keep Fighting.. Are they fucking kidding????

Character development…….. who????

Sam lives on after Dean dies and we get a montage of his life where he look miserable and is shown to not being able to get over that Dean died. We get a blurry wife and a kid named Dean. In his house there are photos of ONLY himself, Dean and their parents and maybe one of his son? Don’t remember all the details and refuse to watch that episode ever again. But no friends, no family, no happy moments are shown, it looked like a very lonely life. He dies with only his son there.. WHERE are Sam’s friends??? This montage of Sam’s supposed happy life is NOT happy bc he is not able to get over that Dean is dead, he can’t live a happy life bc Dean is not there - again something that irked me and felt disrespectful to all the growth Sam and Dean have gone through. It was toxic codependency all the way through and that is not satisfying to watch. Especially since the brothers had actually broken that dependency. Sam had broken free, Sam have through the years wanted to get away from Dean and live his life as he wants and then he was happy…We have a moment way back in season 5 maybe? Where Sam runs away and this is shown as one of his happy moments in dark side of the moon.. No Dean in his happy places, Sam having thanksgiving with his girlfriend and her family, Sam alone with a dog. We have Sam and Amelia when Dean was in purgatory. So Sam IN text have been shown being able to be happy without Dean so why could he not do it this time?? Makes no sense! You can grieve but still have a good life.. But they CHOSE to show it like Sam was miserable bc Dean was dead and life was not worth living happily without Dean there..

The brothers have lately interacted like two individual adults, separated from each other, making their own decisions and trusting each other in making them, they wanted different things in life. And seriously WHERE DID EILEEN GO?? Why was Sam not reunited with Eileen that he some eps previous was shown to love, no instead they had blurry wife which feels like such a cop out. Sam did not get to live a happy fulfilling life and why did Sam not deserve to live a happy life with Eileen??? I know they are blaming corona for a lot of things missing in the finale that they intended.. BUT and this is a BIG BUT remember Jensen did not like the ending it did not sit well with him, he had a hard time digesting it, he objected to the ending! He spoke about that dying in battle would not be a satisfying ending - see the video of him talking about this at SDCC 2019. There is so much more to say about this but other people have voiced it so much better than I ever could so I move on to the next issue.

Dean in heaven

Dean when he first arrives there happens upon Bobby who tells him John and Mary lives down the road and that Rufus and Arheta lives around there too. I hope Bobby’s wife was indoors, and that Jack with the help of Cas fixed heaven. To this Dean only smirk/smiles.. and then Dean sees baby and goes for a drive ALONE with the words he will be here soon from Bobby again Sam is the only one that ever matter PFT. Dean who found a home in the bunker alongside Sam, Cas and Jack who told John: I have a family and that he was happy with himself and his life…. Spends his time endlessly driving around alone just waiting for Sam to appear.. ALL of Deans growth is thrown out the window.. he is reduced to salad dressing. Deans only purpose is to live for his brother and cannot possibly have what he WANTS for himself not even in death. He drives around for who knows how many years until Sam dies. HOW is this justice to DEAN? How is this a good and satisfying ending for Dean. Dean who wanted to LIVE, Dean who wanted to experience people in new ways, who had let go of Sam and saw Sam as his own person, now in heaven only drives around waiting for Sam to get there having no life or meaning of his own. It pisses me off to no end that they reverted back to toxic codependent Sam is all that is important to Dean shit.. They have broken away from this shit years ago and this is how they choose to end it right back at the beginning..

Now what is the point of telling a story of growth and love and life if all that that journey amounts to is ending up at the exact point it started on?? You can watch season 1 and 2 and then this finale and it makes sense.. But having watched season 1-15 this ending does great injustice to the characters and the story. Again many others have written way better posts about this that expresses the great disappointment and hurt that is being screamed everywhere right now.

The Actors

I want to add the performance of all actors through the years, the love and care they have poured into their characters are amazing I have loved every bit of that journey. I love Jared, Jensen and Misha, and all the others for their amazing work and that is maybe why it hurts so much it ended in this way!

#spn 15x20 #Supernatural #Jensen Ackles #Misha Collins #Jared Padalecki #dean winchester #dean #sam winchester #sam #castiel #cas #spn 15x18 #spn 15x19 #rambly thoughts about the end #the end

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bethansfandoms · 4 years

Note

Could you please make a ✨SUPER SUPER DIPPED SOAKED IN VERY ANGSTY FEELINGS✨ wolfstar headcanon with warmy comfort and sweetness at the end? ;-; tenkyu

I want to apologise. This is literally not angsty. I’m so sorry I tried so hard and this prompt just sort of got away from me. I hope you like it anyway and feel free to send me another prompt if this didn’t fulfill your need for angst!

“I did it!” James announced, waltzing into the sixth year Gryffindor boys dormitory. “I asked Lily Evans to the ball!”

Remus glanced up from his book slightly. “Well, his hair is still the same colour and his body parts all seem in tact.”

Peter put on a look of deep thought, “and he’s still able to talk properly.”

“And he looks like a smug git,” Sirius added. “Merlin, she said yes?!”

James actually jumped up and down on the spot excitedly “she said yes!”

“As Friends?” Sirius asked.

“Fuck you Black! At least I asked someone!”

“I’ll have you know I did ask someone.”

Remus put his book down suddenly, “uh... you did?” He asked calmly.

“Marlene McKinnon.” Sirius said, smiling slightly.

“Oh. Guess it’s just you and me then Pete,” Remus said, smiling at Peter.

“Actually... Mary Macdonald asked me this morning.”

“Oh.” Remus put on an neutral expression. “Well, guess I’ll be going stag.” He smirked slightly at James.

“You could just ask someone Remus.” James suggested. “You’re a nice looking lad I’m sure any girl would have you.”

Yes but Remus didn’t want any girl. He wanted Sirius. And now he was going to the ball with Marlene. He’d been stupid to think the reason Sirius had put off asking anyone was because maybe he liked Remus back.

He was stupid to even think Sirius was into guys. He made some feeble excuse and left the dormitory. He didn’t want to be there anymore. His heart felt heavy and his eyes were glossy and he’d had enough.

Which idiot falls in love with their straight bestfriend.

Remus tried rally hard to not take it out on Sirius. It wasn’t his fault he was straight and wasn’t in love him. He knew he was being selfish by acting coldly towards him. But there was noticble tension between the two.

They’d often hug a lot or just be unnecessarily close. But now Remus was doing his very best to ignore Sirius completely. He was going to get over Sirius Black and if that meant not seeing him, so be it.

He stared at himself in the mirror, tugging at his navy blue dress robes. He pulled slightly at the scars on his face. He hated them. Infact, he hated the way he looked completely. He didn’t even have a date. Remus considered getting changed and just not going at all.

“You look good.” He spun and saw Sirius. Black dress robes with a red boe tie. Looking annoying gorgeous which was not helping this whole getting over him thing.

“Thanks.” He mumbled. He gave up on fixing his hair and decided just to follow Sirius down the stairs.

The girls were all waiting for them. James was practically drooling over Lily in her pale green dress. Mary’s was a pretty yellow. Dorcas was in a deep blue and Marlene in baby pink. Remus wouldn’t admit it as she took Sirius’s arm, but she looked good.

The evening was thoroughly unenjoyable for Remus. He sat at the table, watching his friends dance. He would do nothing of the sort.

Lily seemed to actually be really enjoying herself whilst being spun around by James and Remus couldn’t help but be a little happy for them.

The happiness, however, was greatly outweighed by the pang of jealousy every time he looked at Sirius and Marlene.

He wanted to be happy for Sirius he really did, they both seemed to be having a great time. He was, at this moment however, not in the mood for being humble.

“Hey, you looked a little lonely.” It was Dorcas. He smiled at her as she sat next to him. “You go alone too?”

“Obviously,” he said. It came out rather more blunt than he’d intended. “How come you haven’t got a date, Dorcas?”

She smiled. “Well, uh, I’m gay. So...”

“Oh okay. No one you wanted to ask though?”

She shrugged, “well, me and Marlene weren’t really ready for the school to know about us so decided to go separately.”

Remus nodded. And then did a double take. “Sorry, what? You and Marlene?”

She nodded.

“But... but her and Sirius?”

Marlene looked at him confused. “I’d assumed he’d told you? They were just going as friends. You know, because Sirius is gay too.”

Remus looked at her dumbfounded.

“He... he didn’t tell you?”

Remus shook his head. “Oh. Well, I knew Potter knew I’d just assumed... right, okay forget I said that.”

Forget? How was Remus meant to forget that? The song came to an end and Marlene and Sirius collapsed into their chairs, grinning.

“Remus! How’re you? Haven’t seen you dancing much.”

“Not much of a dancer.” Remus couldn’t really think clearly. Why wouldn’t Sirius just tell him they were going as friends?

“Right, well, come on! Up you get!” The tension between them seemed to have been forgotten as Sirius dragged him up to dance to the upbeat song Remus had never heard.

“Why didn’t you tell me you and Marlene were going as friends?” Remus asked over the music.

“Meadowes told you, did she?”

He nodded. “Oh. Yeah, well, her and Marlene weren’t really telling people so, didn’t think it was my place.”

“But... but you didn’t tell me about you either.”

“Oh for- I’m going to kill Dorcas.” He said, he was smiling though. “Yeah, well, surprise. I’m gay.” He said, attempting some awkward jazz hands. “Does it bother you?”

“What? No. No of course not. I... I sort of like them too. Guys, I mean.”

Sirius’s face lit up. “Oh. Oh, cool. Okay.” He sighed slightly. “I feel like such an idiot.”

“Why?”

“Because... well I love Marlene right, but I only really went with her because I didn’t have the balls to ask you.”

“What makes you think I’d have said yes?” Remus asked, smirking.

“Because you were jealous, when I told you. You’re so obvious. But I thought there was a chance you liked Marlene or something I don’t know.”

“I can confirm I’m not in love with Marlene.”

“Yes exactly. Which is why I feel like an idiot.” He huffed in frustration. “Slow dance with me?”

“Sirius this isn’t exactly the right sort of song for-”

“Oh I’m sure it’ll change any moment now. Get your arse over here.”

It was only when Remus was this close to him that he was able to notice the subtle traces of eyeliner around Sirius’s eyes. He decided he liked it very much.

“So,” they both said at the same time rather awkwardly before bursting into laughter.

“You wanted to ask me to the ball, huh?” Remus asked, raising an eyebrow.

Sirius had been right, the song had been almost over and a much slower one had taken its place. James and lily had remained dancing, now holding one another and Mary had accepted Peters request to dance, leaving him looking rather flustered.

“I’m happy for them,” Sirius said, looking at Lily and James. “Took bloody long enough.”

“I liked you since third year,” Remus blurted our rather suddenly. “So I guess I’m not really in a position to comment.”

“Third year? Really?” Sirius smiled at him. “Well now I really do feel like an idiot for not doing anything. Fourth year for me I’m afraid. Probably your growth spirt that did it.”

“Well I’m glad I didn’t wait around for that to happen for you.”

Sirius laughed harshly and pouted.

Renus groaned slightly, “I’d kiss you if I could.”

Sirius shrugged. “Do it. I mean we’re already slow dancing and I’m pretty sure the rumours have been existent for some time. Fuck what other people think, right?”

Remus debated it for a moment and grinned before taking the lapels of Sirius’s dress robes and kissing him.

It was slow and somewhat uncoordinated and they were smiling a bit too much. In Remus’s opinion it also ended far to quickly and he stuck his bottom lip out as Sirius pulled away.

“Better to leave them wanting more, right?” He said beaming.

Remus rolled his eyes. “You think anyone saw?”

James and Lily hadn’t, they were still spinning slowly on the spot. Marlene and Dorcas most certainly had. And Remus was pretty certain McGonagall, who’d been talking to them, was concealing a smile which was a rather uncommon look for her.

“Just incase they didn’t?” Sirius said before kissing him again. For longer this time. He only pulled away when he thought that any moment now he wouldn’t be able to stop.

Evidently James and Lily has seen that one as they were gawking at them slightly and giggling.

“You’re a terrible dancer,” Sirius muttered.

“Oh, stop,” Remus said rolling his eyes yet again. “I’m blushing.”

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newtxtinaforever · 4 years

Text

Happy Birthday Tina!

Hello there! Today's one shot is sponsored by @neighborhood-newtina-reblogger, a tumblr that I greatly admire. Okay, it's not technically sponsored by the blog, but it did provide the prompt/idea for this one shot, which I will include at the very end in case you want to know what it is. Also, the fanart above belongs to @sydsketch and partially inspires my fanfic as well. Don't want to put the prompt at the beginning and spoil the story, so without further ado, I hope you enjoy this little piece of my Newtina heart. Oh, and happy birthday Tina! ☺️

3rd POV

"Oh, Newt. She's perfect!" Tina exclaimed happily, a smile brightening up her usually tense features. It wasn't that the American witch held a grudge against smiling or having fun; quite the opposite, in fact. She was so used to being responsible that her default look was to come across as a professional who took her job seriously. When she was with Newt, however, she couldn't help but smile. His light-hearted nature simply had a way of making her feel like she could let her guard down and didn't have to worry about what kind of person Newt was. Having fought alongside him in the fight against Grindelwald, Tina knew she could trust Newt. It was a good thing because he had just given her a creature to call her own.

"Really? That's wonderful to hear. I hoped you would like her but I wasn't completely sure if you would be interested in-" Newt was quickly interrupted by Tina's warm words of gratitude. "I love her, Newt. Thank you," she replied. Her eyes sparkled with a light reminiscent of the creature that currently rested in its small glass case. "What's her name?" Tina asked softly as she admired the speckled salamander. Newt blushed before replying, "Well, I thought you might like to name her seeing as she's yours." Both pairs of eyes connected for the briefest of moments.

"Of course!" Tina blurted, although she soon regained her composure. "I'm not quite sure where to start, but I'm sure we can think of something." Newt's tender smile at Tina's inclusion of the word 'we' went unnoticed for the most part, yet the tone of their environment was clearly evident. It was nearly impossible to miss the delicate care each person felt for the other, so alive and tangible was it. The silence that settled in during certain moments of the conversation were not uncomfortable, but peaceful instead. Surprisingly enough, Newt was the next one to speak up.

"Keegan," he uttered cryptically. Tina tilted her head to the right by a dozen degrees. "Who?" she wondered aloud, her sharp eyes fixed on Newt. The famous magizoologist remained quiet for several seconds until Tina cleared her throat. "Oh, I'm sorry. I was simply suggesting Keegan as a name, but I understand if you don't like it. She's yours, so feel free to choose whatever name you feel is best."

Tina lowered her gaze to the ground, then extended her head upward. "The name's fine, Newt. And I want you to be included in the naming process, trust me," she said with reassurance in her voice. Newt smiled. "What about Thea? She's the Greek goddess of light, which is fitting since salamanders feed off of fire, right?" Tina inquired. She waited for a response from Newt, but he appeared not to have heard her. Beginning to wonder if something was wrong with him, Tina repeated the end of her previous sentence. "Right, Newt?"

The man in question displayed signs of life after what seemed like forever. His nose was scrunched as if he had caught a whiff of rotting maggots while his eyes blinked ferociously. What was going on? Tina prompted Newt to explain his behavior, although it took some serious persuading. "The name sounds a bit like... well... like Theseus, my brother." Tina nodded her head in agreement and decided to move on. The last thing she wanted was for her new companion to remind Newt of his older brother.

"Perhaps you might consider Idris. It's Welsh and can mean 'fiery' depending on the language." Newt explained gently. His voice was rich and full of childlike wonder, much to Tina's delight. It was rare to find such a kindred spirit in a world where brute strength and power was often congratulated. Tina tried not to let her emotions become too obvious as she lovingly murmured, "I think Idris is a lovely name. Thank you, Newt." Once again, both pairs of eyes connected and lingered; the result was pure fascination and ultimately love.

With their eyes still fixed on each other, Tina closed the space between them. Her long, thin arms wrapped themselves around the middle of Newt's back. Much like their prolonged glances, this embrace was personal and private, something that was special between them. Tina was keenly aware of Newt's reservations regarding the hug, so she made sure to take baby steps while reassuring Newt at the same time. Her fingers brushed lightly against Newt's back, the warmth from her hands radiating through his pale blue shirt. With a great amount of hesitance and care, Tina tightened her grip on Newt. Hopefully he wouldn't feel uncomfortable; that was the last thing Tina wanted. Nevertheless, she held on to him, refusing to let go just yet.

Nearly a minute had passed before Newt reciprocated the hug. Unbeknownst to Tina, his eyes watered and a huge grin spread across his face. Both sets of arms rested gently on the other's back, a sign of peace and acceptance. It didn't take long for Tina to pull Newt in closer, more confident this time. Any lingering doubt as to whether or not Newt would perceive such intimate physical contact to be desirable was gone. She knew that he would understand just as she had learned to understand the roundabout way he comforted and complimented her.

With an overflowing heart, Newt Scamander enveloped Tina in his arms; pure, sentimental emotion surrounded them. Every part of him wanted nothing more than to freeze that moment and remember it forever. Not only was it rare for Newt to desire physical contact, but it was also rare for him to feel so content as a result of it. In Tina, Newt found appreciation and compassion. Despite miscommunication being a continuous issue between them, the two old souls always managed to make things right. If Newt was honest, Tina completed him — to a certain extent. He hadn't felt that his life was 'less than' without her, but he did notice a change whenever she was around, whether physically or in Newt's thoughts. She was someone who helped him restore his jaded view of humanity, and for that, Newt was grateful.

The embrace continued for several more minutes, Newt mentally recording what it felt like to be so close to Tina.

The scent of her hair, the touch of her hands. Newt was so mesmerized that he even dared to lift Tina off the ground, just a couple inches, and spin her very gently. It was instinct and had occurred before he could stop himself. Never before had he allowed his emotions to come off so strongly in the presence of another human being, and he had to admit: it felt freeing.

As for Tina, she experienced similar sentiments during their embrace. Mind racing, heart soaring... Since when did Newt display such sudden outbursts of affection? While Tina was slightly confused by this, she didn't question it because of her elation. If Newt was comfortable enough to be so physically close with her, she took it as a sign of growth and was proud of him. Each second that passed served as a reward earned by the energy both had spent in order to fight against the evil forces that threatened wizards and muggles alike. After years of fighting, Newt and Tina were given a moment of reprieve. A moment to be still, but more importantly, to be happy.

For Newt, happiness took the form of feeding his creatures. This was nothing new, but having Tina by his side — her eyes full of adoration — made the event much more enjoyable. For Tina, growing closer to Newt served as her main source of happiness, although she also happened to find it in the pursuit of wizardkind's most elite criminals. After all, being an Auror was an important part of Tina's life. The fact that her devotion to justice nearly managed to get her killed was unfortunate, yet Tina had put it in the past where it belonged. She needed her job because it allowed her to protect innocent lives, and that was something Tina would never stop pursuing. Whether it was a sideways smile or a lengthy yet tender hug, both Newt and Tina were fond of the little things in life as well as each other. Nothing, not even Grindelwald, could take those feelings away from them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author's Note: Below is the prompt for the above one shot ⬇️⬇️

I want Tina to initiate newtina’s first embrace. And I want it to happen in a happy context. I want her to realize that maybe Newt isn’t bold enough just yet to make that move, so she takes control and latches onto him. It won’t be like when Theseus hugged him, arms and back stiff the whole time. It will be at first, while he takes a few seconds to process what’s happening. In those few seconds, Tina is fully aware he’s processing the situation, so she holds him even tighter to reassure him that yes, she’s here. She wants this. She will wait. And once he finally accepts that, I want Newt to reciprocate her embrace with an enormous grin on his face (bonus points for misty eyes). I want him to wrap his arms around her back and tentatively return her gesture. Tina pulls even tighter to erase that last bit of questioning how far he should go. Then, Newt fully wraps her up in him, encasing her with his arms and body as completely as he can (bonus points for a little pick up and spin or something extra cute like that). And they stay like that for a while, just appreciating each other. Wordlessly processing their emotions. Surrendering to their feelings. Just being together like they want.

#AugustNineTeenie2020 #fantastic beasts #newtina #newtina fanfiction #newtina fanart #tina goldstein #newt scamander #salamander #happy birthday tina #tina goldstein birthday

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5-falsehoods-phonated · 3 years

Text

(Prompts with boxes have been taken, highlighted have been written)

Requests for this card are closed, thank you to anyone who sent in requests! Completed stories are planned to be posted all through December and most likely into January, so if you don’t want to see them you can block the tag #false bthb. As always shoot me an ask if you wanna be tagged in future stories!

I received this request from @atlasistryingherbest, I hope you like it!

All Dolled Up

Summary: Fearing Roman’s newfound obsessions after the events of SvS Redux, Patton decides to break things off with him before they can get worse. If only he realized just how bad it could be. Written as a request from tumblr.

Warnings: bruises, forced confinement, threatening with a weapon, unsympathetic -if there are more let me know

Ships: Royality, Roman x Patton

Prompt: Defeated and Trophified

“You can’t-!”

“Roman!” Patton reached out to him with a desperate plea, trying to scramble to find the right words that would make all of this okay. “Everything’s gonna be okay, kiddo.’

Mentally berating himself as hurt flashed in Roman’s eyes he nevertheless held his gaze in earnest. “We love you.”

“Right.” Thoroughly dejected Patton watched as Roman sunk out, shame tinting his cheeks as he tried to make it seem like he had everything together, despite the lesson he had just learned not ten minutes before. He was grateful as Janus and Thomas reassured him but he couldn’t keep his thoughts from drifting to the image of Roman alone in his room, having to ride out his conflicting emotions on his own and the miserable expression never leaving his face as he did so. That wasn’t the way to leave things with the prince, that wasn’t the way to leave things with anyone but especially someone he cared so deeply for and shared so much with.

Mind made up after he was sure Thomas would be alright with Janus he quickly sunk out to the regular common room, seeing no sign of anyone let alone Roman he made his way up the stairs and towards the door he had walked to so many times it was muscle memory at this point. All the sides had different kinds of relationships with each other, whether it was familial, platonic or romantic and Patton and Roman were certainly no exception. With their shared enthusiasm fo the things they were interested, their strong urge to take care of the members of their family and Thomas and their passion to make other happy no matter what it was never really a stretch to imagine the two of them together; so it came as a surprise to know one when just that ended up happening.

The mindscape had certainly been a brighter, happier place since they had made their relationship official, even if Virgil did cringe and scoff teasingly while Logan simply rolled his eyes and requested if they they were going to engage in public displays of affection then to please do it elsewhere or at least warn him so he could leave the room. Hand holding, hugs from behind, cheesy musical numbers, forehead touches, cuddles at movie night- nothing was below them when it came to showing their love for one another. But everything started to change when Janus began to come around, especially since Patton was the first one he had impersonated.It had hit Roman hard that he hadn’t recognized the deceitful side until later on ,and no amount of Patton telling him that that’s what he did and was supposed to do and he wouldn't be Deceit if he wasn’t good at well...deceiving could convince Roman of anything other than Janus was a horrible person from that day forward. A villain meant to be shunned and punished like any other Disney villain should be. At first Patton had somewhat agreed with him but as time passed he began to doubt that notion more and more...until today he realized he needed to take a step back and really evaluate what it was that Janus contributed to their family as a whole.

He lamented his mistakes of how he handled Janus’ situation- all of the “dark sides” situations really. All they were doing was their jobs how they knew how to do them, and maybe their methods were a bit misguided but so were his own to an extent. He needed to learn how to adapt and let go of past misconceptions- and that came with getting Roman to understand that as well.

He stopped short of knocking on the Prince’s door to listen for any sound coming through, from his or any of the other doors. He figured Logan wouldn’t be particularly happy to have been dismissed and replaced yet again but that was something to unpack and fix on another day. So Logan and Virgil would most likely be boiled up in their respective rooms waiting for the figurative fire to die down before venturing out again. Remus was most likely preoccupied with something Janus had left him to keep him busy and away from making Thomas’ mental state even more scattered than it already was and Janus himself was going to be occupied with their manifestor for at least a couple more hours after everything that had happened. He and Roman would have plenty of time to themselves then to work out what needed worked out for them to hopefully be okay again.

Taking a deep breath he tentatively knocked on the door and, hearing no answer, knocked a bit more firmly before easing it open and glancing quickly around the room before his gaze landed on Roman. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, still in his rumpled prince costume with his hands folded between his knees and his eyes shining with unshed tears as he made stubborn, steady eye contact with the floor. Patton sighed quietly as he stepped inside, shutting the door behind him and carefully stepping over to sit beside the other.

“Roman-”

“Am I-”

They both stopped as they started at the same time, Roman ducking his head down further and angrily swiping tears off his cheeks. Patton was thankful when the hand he placed on the others knee was left there, looking back up at Roman’s face and smiling kindly. “Go on Roman, I wanted to hear your thoughts.”

“You’re about the only one.” Roman muttered, looking away and towards the door as if debating how quickly he could run and hide somewhere else before his shoulders dropped as he resigned himself to his fate. “Patton, am I..am I still needed?”

Patton gasped quietly, squeezing his knee tightly. “Of course, why would you think-”

“Because if Deciet is coming around, being accepted...if he’s going to be a part of things now...I don’t know what that means for us. For Thomas.” Roman finally turned to face him, his eyes shining earnestly. “I always thought him the villain, someone to vanquish when his deceitful means seeped into the mindspace too much, someone to wave my sword at to defend my and everyone else's honor. But if he isn’t the villain...and I was in the wrong...doesn’t that then make me-”

“Please don’t finish that sentence.” Patton gently took Roma’s face in his hands and leaned closer, making sure to capture his eyes. “You are not the villain Roamn, you never could be. Sometimes...well sometimes there doesn’t even have to be one and that’s okay. Things are changing and that’s okay.”

Roman scoffed quietly. “Patton, you’re the one who likes change the least out of all of us.”

“Which is why I’m the one that needs it the most.” Roman was quiet at that, closing his eyes and leaning his forehead against Patton’s softly, making him small and moving his hands from Roman’s cheeks to loop around the back of his neck gently. It was comforting and quiet, neither of them wanting to move and speak again in fear of ruining the temporary standstill they had come to. Eventually Patton shifted, pressing his lips softly to the prince’s nose and smiling when he was rewarded with a soft laugh.

“It’ll be okay, Roman you’ll see. Everything always works itself out.”

“But what if something happens? We can’t just leave him with Thomas.”

Patton grinned at him sheepishly. “Well...he’s already with Thoams and has been since I left. Nothing bad has happened yet has it?”

Roman’s lips thinned as he looked down at his lap, twisting his fingers in an uncharacteristically nervous way. “What does that mean for me? I- I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.” He looked up imploringly. “You- Patton you need to be there when I mess up. I still trust you to know right from wrong and if you’re there to keep me in check I’ll be their hero again!”

“That’s not quite how-”

“No it’s perfect; I’ll just tell you everything I’ll do before I do it and you can say yes or no and then I won’t mess up again!”

“Sweetheart I can’t do that.”

“Patton no you have to! Everyone already hates me, I have to do better, I can’t just- not be better.”

Patton grasped his hands and squeezed, hoping to distract Roman from his spiraling thoughts. “Nobody hates you honey, I swear on my honor as a side of Thomas. But I can’t be there all the time. We’re going to make mistakes going forward, and the ones we’ve already made are still going to hurt, but all we can do is try our best and let that be enough. I wasn’t lying when I said we still love you.”

He brought Roman’s hands up to his lips and planted a chaste kiss on the knuckles. “And I will never lie when I say I still love you, Roman. We aren’t our mistakes, we are the growth that comes from them. It’s going to be okay.”

Patton wasn’t sure if Roman truly understood but accepted the other nodding his head anyway, even if Roman did look incredibly deep in thought. It had been a long day for all of them, they both just needed some rest and hope that the next day would be a better one. Nodding to himself, Patton stood and gently ran his fingers through Roman's hair. “It’s getting late. Wanna watch a movie and cuddle before bed?”

Roman leaned into the gesture and moved to reach for his laptop; Patton, taking that as an agreement, snapped them both into their pajamas and summoned a fluffier blanket for them to snuggle under. Any more conversation could wait for tomorrow, now was the time to wind down with his favorite person in the mindscape.

-----

The next few days...weeks...worries Patton to say the least.

Roman could never be found less than a few feet from his side, and although he’d usually find it sweet and endearing the way his every movement was tracked like he was small prey being hunted had begun to make him twitchy. If the others noticed they didn’t say anything, which made Patton feel as if he was simply overreacting and just more jumpy than usual from the frog incident. He giggled at the thought- that would certainly make sense.

But it wasn't just that. Despite their heart to heart Roman was consulting him before nearly every decision he made, down to whether he put creamer in his coffee since that might be taking away from the others. Patton had hoped this phase would only last a couple of days and then they could move on but it honestly didn’t seem to be stopping anytime soon. He was loath to speak to the others about it since everyone was still a bit touchy and Roman couldn’t be shaken long enough to talk to anyone else in private anyway. Which left talking to Roam about it himself.

Which Patton...also didn’t want to do. He loved Roman with his entire being, and their relationship had always been a steady, even give and take. They had pretty good communication considering their individual track records and always made sure to set and respect boundaries, but with Roman being a bit testier...to say the least. More demandant for answers that Patton simply didn’t want or feel the need to give. Picking what T.V. show to watch, especially if it was just the two of them was not an entire dilemma that needed solving before they could move on!

And yet...when he didn’t answer, Roman had started to get more and more demandant. Throughout their relationship Roman had never once raised his voice at him, but it was becoming more and more a constant occurrence. He needed constant reassurance that he was doing fine and no one hated him and Patton still loved him which he would normally be happy to give, but it was so much. It was too much for any side alone to undertake upholding an entire sides’ mental health. To the point where he could feel his own slipping, and still he said nothing. For the first time in his existence Patton was almost...afraid of Roman. He had so many outbursts now and his movements towards Patton were always so jerky and it made him twitch away which only meant Roamn needed more reassurance and so the cycle continued. But enough was enough.

Breaking things off with Roman was surprisingly easy for how much his stomach was twisting with the nerves. Roman remained passive through it, expression so neutral you could pretend they were discussing the weather or what tp have for breakfast the next day. He was so afraid, so ready to have to call on another side for help, but he shouldn't have and he immediately felt incredibly silly for even having the thoughts. This was Roman, and Roman would never hurt him no matter how much he was spiraling right now. He’d wait a little longer for everything to cool off and then they’d have a meeting and discuss how to move forward. Simple. Then maybe when both he and Roman gained more solid ground to stand on they could try again and everything would fall perfectly back into place.

-----

That night Patton crawled into bed alone for the first time in years, missing the warmth of strong arms wrapped around his middle and holding him close until morning. He consoled himself with the thought that things weren’t completely over between them; it was just a small break. Everybody needed those from time to time and Roman had understood completely. He had just settled in to sleep for the night when his eyes snapped open suddenly. What was that?

He sat up in bed and listened carefully, sure he hadn’t been imagining the sound. Just as he was about to shrug it off and lay back down he heard it again faintly.

“Patton.”

The voice was so faint but now that he had heard it there was no mistaking it. Ripping off the bed sheets he hurried to his door and swung it open, listening carefully to hear the voice again.

“Patton.”

Moving to the stairs and rushing down them he turned into the living room and gasped at what he saw before him.

“Patton.” Janus’ voice was relieved but pained, tugging at the restraints that held him fast to the back of the rather small cage he was being held in. Dark bruises littered his face and his eyes blinked slowly as he struggled to focus on Patton. Rushing to the door of the cage Patton fiddled with lock as he looked desperately around for a key, his mind whirling too fast to form a coherent thought.

“Janus who did this? How can I get you out?”

“Patton you need to leave me.”

“I- what?” But you called me down, he wanted to say, shaking the thought away. Janus was clearly in no position to voice coherent thoughts. “No. We need to get you out. Do you know where the key is? We can start there.”

“You need to leave, I deserve this. I’m the villain- I deserve to be punished.”

Patton’s eyes widened, shaking his head vehemently. “No. No, you don’t, don’t talk like that. You deserve just as much as any other side and right now that means not being locked in a cage.”

Janus coughed out a laugh weakly. “Are you sure about that?”

“Of course, honey. Let me just-” Frustrated Patton shook the bars of the cage, pausing when Janus locked eyes with him, a steady glare boring into his very being.

“Wrong choice, love.”

-----

Patton cowered in the far corner of the cage, eyes tracking Roman’s pacing fearfully as his wrists rubbed raw above his head. He still couldn’t dispel the image of Janus’ face melting into Roman’s, the cage falling apart only to wrap around and trap him instead as Roamn had straightened in front of him, eyes filled with nothing but passive disdain as Patton had pleaded desperately, mind confusingly fuzzy and still trying to comprehend what had happened. The had sunk out into Roman’s room, where he had been pulled to the far side of the cage and tied to the bars so that there was no chance of jiggling the lock on the far side to escape, leaving him trapped and scared and at the mercy of whatever it was Roman had become in the face of his perceived rejection.

Suddenly a knock was heard at the door, Patton tensing as the tip of Roman’s sword was thrust in front of his face.

“Roman? Patton? It’s after 9, Lo made breakfast.” Virgil’s voice came through the door. Roman nodded his head, an unspoken warning in his eyes as he gestured for Patton to go ahead.

Swallowing hard, Patton called out. “We’re both in here kiddo! Just- finishing up a project; might take a bit though.” He struggled to contain himself, to contain the anxiety rolling off him in waves so Virgil wouldn’t sense it and god forbid become suspicious. He needed to keep everyone safe, even at his own cost.

There was a pause, and then: “Are you guys sure? I can bring something up.”

“No need hun, thank you though. We’ll get something in a bit.”

“Okay.” They both listened as the footsteps faded away before Roman turned to face Patton, grinning wickedly.

“So, my heart; what is it that we’re doing today?”

Patton swallowed against, tears pricking at his eyes. “Getting rid of Jan- Deceit.”

“Good.” Roman moved the sword to gently caress his cheek. “And you’re going to do exactly as I say. I’d hate for this beautiful face to become just as deformed as that snake’s.”

He snapped his fingers and Patton’s pajamas were changed out for his regular attire, albeit a nicer variation of it. He could feel makeup cake his face thinly and he knew from the weight in his hair that his favorite barrettes had been pinned in neatly. Roman smiled and reached in to cup his cheek gently and Patton felt himself leaning into the touch despite the spike of fear he felt.

“There,” The prince crooned. “A sweet little doll to puppet as I please. Deceit never could resist coming too close to what was out of his league now could he?”

Stifling a sob by biting his lip Patton could only watch as Roman moved away to begin concocting another illusion that would draw in Janus later that day. Hanging his head in shame, he sagged against his confines, feeling the ropes dig into his wrists and the cage run painfully against his spine. A useless doll thrown to a corner, forgotten in its disuse after its purpose was met.

This work is also available on AO3!

#false writes #false bthb #bthb #bad things happen bingo #sanders sides #sanders sides fic #unsympathetic roman #tw violence #captivity tw #defeated and trophified #roman sanders #deciet sanders #janus sanders #patton sanders #sanders sides angst #cage tw #bruising tw

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dangermousie · 3 years

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I continue to love how nothing is magically fixed and there are no shortcuts. Even after the trip to Infernal Hell and all its emotional and actual revelations and the huge thing that is Bian accepting Wushe=Zixiao=Xiao Jiu, Bian is still not OK with the situation or ready to accept and forgive (let alone get into a relationship), still processing, still dealing with the scars and while he doesn’t hate or fear Wushe any more (and you can tell in their interactions; and it’s great honestly), I love that he is miles away from OK with him and just wants to get the hell away from him and never see him again (or at least not for a while so he can either process or not deal with it), he just can’t because they are off to save the world.

This is a gonzo story in a gonzo world but its approach to trauma and processing and healing feels so real. I still can’t believe the author is doing that - such a high wire act and she does it so well.

And this is what I call growth.

Wushe is never gonna be the life of the party (and honestly, it is sad how looming and terrifying he generally is when you remember the fun high spirited kid who was always bossy but you could tell why the family doted on him) but the fact that he’s both aware enough and, more importantly, cares enough (!!!!) to stay further from people because he knows he freaks them out is so huge. (Especially since you know he’s doing it because he’s trying to be good for Bian and earn his approval; he’s self-leashing!)

And the fact that he so calmly admits he went through this torture to a room of people. I love it so much, not sure why - is it because this shows spine or because it shows he only cares about Bian’s opinion about him, the rest of people are so unimportant to him, he doesn’t care what they know or don’t, think or don’t?

I love it so much!

You know, how Bian’s stress relief is polishing his sword (his literal sword, get your mind out of the gutter!) and the poor man’s been doing a lot of it lately? I could get into how his other hobby used to be not battle related but the immensely peaceful hobby of growing orchids but he’s abandoned it and it’s tragic and I hope whatever form the ending takes, it includes him having a huge garden with every variety possible (side note - the fact that he’s a little wistful about it is so hopeful though because remember when he really cared for nothing, none of the mundane things he used to love? He cares a little now, and that’s so good.)

But! You know what also occurred to me while reading about Bian with his sword and Wushe coming to find him? Wushe himself is like a sharp deadly sword in Bian’s hands. It’s as if Bian attracted the devotion of a sharp sword - deadly, intense, one that has no idea how to interact or do relationships, and always on.

The chapter ends with Wushe guessing about various problems Bian is thinking about, stating about how they can deal with it, and then asking “did you think of me?” And it’s so interesting to me here because I get both of them. On one hand, I want to go - give him space and room and time to process things!!! He’s had so much trauma (a lot of it inflicted by you), he’s had so many revelations, he just needs peace and to be alone if he wants to! But I completely get why Wushe is unable to. He’s barely human and barely sane and he lives and breathes Bian who’s his world, his meaning of life, his soul and goodness, his connection to sanity. In an earlier chapter, it says that of course he held on tightly (hug wise) because he’s drowning and Bian is his life preserver. And that is true not just of that moment but in general. It’s not that he doesn’t get why he should go slow or anything, it’s not that he doesn’t feel remorse or want to do what Bian wants in all things - it’s just that he’s literally INCAPABLE of giving space because he needs it to live and live sanely. He is never going to force Bian into intimacy again, when Bian says jump he will say how high etc, but he can no more step back than he can fly to the moon - he needs to be around him, he needs to fight for a place in Bian’s heart, he’s clinging to a cliff by his fingertips and Bian is his hope of being pulled up. So I get why he has no stops even if I want to tell him LET HIM BREATHE!!!!! (PS but did you notice that this is the first time Wushe brings it up in a few days at least?! He didn’t talk about it on the way and for someone like Wushe this is huge! He IS trying.)

The thing is, this is such a weird novel for me, where I love Bian to bits, find Wushe fascinating and don’t hate him, find the relationship interesting and intense but I honestly don’t care if they end up together as long as Bian ends up happy - whatever makes him happy I am fine with. I can see the author slowly working her way to that happiness being Bian x Wushe and I am completely fine with it (which is impressive, earlier I’d have been !!!!) but it’s so interesting to me how all I want is Bian’s happiness whatever form that takes.

#cnovel #wu chang jie

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holyhellpod · 3 years

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Heyoooo, it’s another episode of Holy Hell! This one is dedicated to the manchild himself, Dean Winchester.

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Transcript below!

CW: discussions of child abuse, child death, suicide, alcoholism, family trauma, mental health

[Music]

Dean Winchester is, in a word, my soulmate. I started kinning him when the show aired in Australia on Fox8 and I have not been the same since. From his devil-may-care attitude to his undying love for his family that pierces the veil of death to save the day, he really is the most. I have to say at the beginning that this episode of Holy Hell will not include discussions of Dean’s sexuality and gender. I’m saving that for its own episode, so stay tuned my pals.

What we know of Dean as he develops over the course of the first episode is: he’s been hunting, and hunting alone, he’s 26 years old, he drives a sweet ‘67 Impala, he wears an old leather jacket, he listens to 1980s metal, and he has an arsenal of weapons and supernatural fighting talismans in his trunk. He’s also a smartarse, one of his most endearing qualities. He gets defensive about their mother and her death, and he defends their father over and over. He’s a loyal son and brother. The impetus to bring Sam back into the hunting life, after Sam decided for good that he was going to leave, is to bring his fambily back together.

The quality that defines Dean Winchester is how much he loves he loves his fambily. In the first episode, he is so worried about his father that he recruits Sam to help look for him, even though Sam and Dean haven’t spoken in two years, and Sam ran away to college rather than continue to live with their father. He spends most of the first season defending their father, but when John comes back and starts arguing with Sam, Dean protects his brother from John. It’s one of the most significant examples of character growth Dean undergoes throughout the entire series, and it’s where his loyalty shifts from John to Sam.

In the episode of season 2, “Croatoan,” Dean decides not to shoot Sam when Sam contracts the Croatoan virus which turns people rabid and makes them kill. In the next episode, “Hunted”, Dean reveals that John told him to kill Sam if Dean couldn’t save him. But Dean doesn’t. He says that John begged Dean not to tell Sam, but it’s not John’s words that keep Dean silent. It’s his love for Sam and Sam’s wellbeing. And this brotherly love slash codependency is used by characters throughout the entire series, from the demons in season 1 to the literal character of God in season 15, to manipulate Dean and Sam. As many characters have pointed out, including Dean and Sam themselves, they are each other’s weak points.

At the end of season two, when Sam dies from a stab wound in his spine, Dean trades his own life for Sam’s. He makes a deal with a crossroads demon—his soul for Sam’s life—and subsequently dies and goes to hell at the end of season 3. Dean literally dies a gruesome death and spends forty years being tortured in hell because he couldn’t live without Sam. At the end of Season 8, Sam is dying from the effects of the trials, which he undergoes in order to close the gates of hell, and Dean convinces him to stop because, again, he can’t live without Sam. Sidenote: this is where I stopped being interested in their brotherly dynamic to the point of losing interest in the show. It became clear to me that the showrunners were more concerned with rehashing the same tired storylines between Sam and Dean than focus on characters who could expand the world and make the show better. In fact, they killed a lot of the interesting side characters in order to keep the show solely focused on the brothers. The exception to this is Castiel, and the reason they kept Cas around is because when he died in season 7 the ratings tanked. If that wasn’t a clear enough sign that the showrunners needed to open up the show to more than just Sam and Dean’s caustic dynamic in which they die and kill for and then betray and lie to each other over and over, then I just don’t know what the fans could have done to convince them. Nothing, apparently, because they ended the show with just Sam and Dean.

Dean’s relationship with John is fraught with insecurity and codependency. Dean has so little sense of self that what he does consider to be his carefully curated list of likes and dislikes were inherited directly from John: his car, his leather jacket, his hunting abilities, and his music taste. He also throws himself into hunts without any regard for his own safety, because he doesn’t believe that he is worth saving, or that his life is worth living. His personality is crafted from both John’s reliance on him as a son, hunter and partner in crime, and the woman he assumes Mary to be. Dean’s sense of self-worth relies on how many people he can save. This is why, in season 2 episode “What is and what should never be,” Dean’s dream reality is one in which he’s a low life loser who disappoints his family—because without John pushing him to be a hunter, Dean doesn’t save people, and because he doesn’t save people, he isn’t worth anything. Bear in mind that this is the best reality Dean’s mind could conjure for him: one in which his father is dead, and he himself is not worth saving.

In one of the most famous exchanges, he asks Cas why an angel would rescue him from hell, and Cas replies, “What’s the matter? You don’t think you deserve to be saved.” Twenty-nine years of bluster, insouciance, and a give-em-hell attitude crumbles in two sentences, wrought by a being Dean refuses to believe exists because, again, he doesn’t think that he deserves to be saved by them. He says, “[Why me? I don’t like getting singled out at birthday parties, let alone by God].” He thinks of himself so lowly that he accepted a one-year deal in exchange for Sam being alive. Dean cares so much about his family he lets it kill him.

But it’s not just Sam, Mary and John. Dean’s family grows to encompass a number of side characters: most notably Bobby their surrogate father, Charlie Bradbury the hacker, Claire Novak, Jack Kline, and Lisa and Ben Braeden. Even Mary makes another appearance in seasons 12 to 14. Unfortunately, because the show is the way it is, Dean puts Sam above all of these side characters, and then these characters are written out of the show. I should specify that Cas is not a side character; in most seasons, Misha Collins is billed as a main cast member, with his name appearing after Jensen Ackles in the credits. But he still dies in the third-last episode in order to have the show stay about the brothers. Even Jack, inarguably Cas and Dean’s son, is written out of the show in the second-last episode after dying multiple times. I say inarguably because I am not gonna argue with anyone about this. Claire and Jack are Dean and Cas’s kids. Dean and Cas are great parents who chaperone Jack’s prom and buy Claire her first hunting bow. They’re all one big happy, queer, neurodivergent family.

Dean loves the people in his life with reckless abandon. The times he’s excused Cas’s behaviour after Cas has done something ridiculous or foolish are too many to count. He grieves Cas’s multiple deaths, often succumbing to his alcoholism and entropy whenever Cas leaves him for more than a day. In a truly beautiful scene, Dean wraps Cas’s corpse in a curtain and watches, utterly and completely devastated, as his body burns. By this point, they have done so much for each other that it’s impossible to even envision the show without Cas, and indeed imagine Dean without his love for Cas. And we don’t have to for very long, as he always comes back a few episodes later. Even knowing this, the episodes where Dean mourns Cas are so heartbreaking and haunting that I cried for days after watching them.

Dean is great with kids, and every time he’s not is completely the fault of whoever is writing him in any given episode. We see him bonding with Lisa’s son Ben in season 3 and 6, Jesse in the season 5 episode “I Believe The Children Are Our Future,” and Lucas in the season one episode “Dead in the water”. With every child he meets, Dean gets on their level, empathising with them in a way most adults can’t. Like Claire and Jack, Dean has a complicated relationship with his father, who dies in the beginning of season 2 after bargaining his soul for Dean’s life to the demon that took their mother. Just like anyone else’s life, right? Must be Tuesday. This means Dean can relate to most children with traumatic backgrounds involving their parents, as a victim of parental abuse and having his mother die at age 4. I can’t find any sources to back this up, but a theory that rolled around in fandom was that Dean became mute after Mary died, which is what happens to Lucas after his father drowns. He says in “Dead In the Water” that he loves kids, and it’s true. As one tumblr user put it, Dean wanted to be baby trapped.

Dean carries the deaths and pain of his loved ones with him like Atlas carrying the world on his shoulders. When Claire is bitten by a werewolf, the characters administer blood of the sire wolf that bit her in order to cure her of her lycanthropy. Dean has to leave the room while she’s in pain, because he can’t bear to watch her die. The same goes for when Jack dies. Thankfully, Claire lives and Jack comes back a few episodes later.

When thinking about Dean being a father, I’m reminded of that scene from Scrubs when Dr Cox says he’s worried about being a father because his own dad was an abusive alcoholic. The difference between Dr Cox and Dean is that Dean doesn’t have his reservations about raising kids. He fits into Lisa and Ben’s life easily, at least for the first year, and we see a montage which includes him teaching Ben how to fix cars. When Claire lets her guard down enough to hug Dean, he hugs back just as hard. When he finally deals with the trauma of Cas dying in season 13, he accepts Jack into his life, and even grieves Jack when he dies. Dean escapes the intergenerational trauma that plagues his family by being a fantastic dad to the random kids who happen into his life by chance. He was born to be a father, and the fact that this show took that away from him and us as the audience makes me want to kick the showrunners into the sun.

Until season 6, Dean’s family only included men. The concept of the nuclear family—two sons, a husband and a wife—was ripped apart in the prologue of the first episode when Mary dies. Dean doesn’t know family for the first 5 seasons of the show outside Sam, John, Cas and Bobby. I do consider Ellen and Jo to be important to the story, but they’re only in a handful of episodes and die in season 5 for a reason that is plainly ridiculous. Did the Winchesters have to lose every single person in their lives to the fight? Clearly Kripke thought they were going to be cancelled after the fifth season, because it shows. And honestly? Maybe they should have. Let’s retroactively cancel the whole show. It can’t hold power over us anymore, because it’s dead and we cremated it.

But when Dean moves in with Lisa and Ben, he discovers a new type of family he didn’t have before, and new family dynamics. Instead of the 28-year-old son that Sam is to him, he takes the opportunity to teach Ben about cars and spend time with him and Lisa without the need to hunt. He gets a job, he makes some friends, and he lives the safe, apple pie life he begrudged Sam for in the pilot episode. It’s only when Sam reappears in his life that Dean’s codependency strikes again and he realises that he can’t live half in the normal world with Lisa and Ben and half in the hunting world with Sam. Sam says this himself in the first episode of Season 6, “Exile On Main Street”. Despite the ways Dean tried to settle down throughout the rest of the 9 seasons, the showrunners ultimately decided a man who was healing from trauma and alcoholism, who had adopted two kids as his own, and was learning how to bake cakes for his son’s birthday, deserved to die at the ripe age of 40, a week or so after he’d learned that his best friend was in love with him. You gotta laugh. Instead of getting the ending both Dean and we deserved—which was Dean settling down, opening a bar, and living the next forty years in relative gay peace while he got fat and watched Cheers reruns—well, we got something else. And I will always be bitter about that.

While it’s clear from the first season that he has reckless and suicidal tendencies, he doesn’t stop fighting to the bitter end. Even when faced with his own impending death in the season 2 premiere, “In my time of dying,” he fights to stay alive for Sam and John, while working the mystery that is overcoming his own death. Devastated as he is by Sam diving into hell at the end of season 5 and seemingly gone for good, Dean still gets up everyday and makes a life for himself in Lisa’s home. While season 6 was overall a bummer of a season, just god-awful in every aspect, saved from my complete vitriol only by “The French Mistake,” it did show us how great a dad Dean can be, and readied us for what was to come—being Claire and Jack’s dad. The lengths he goes to for his family are immense and all-consuming. As Cas says in “Despair”, Dean is a being of love. He loves everyone else, even when he can’t find it in him to love himself. He really thinks that he’s just a killer, not a father or a husband.

I’ve never subscribed to the idea that we have to love ourselves before we can love anyone else, or before anyone else can love us. Sorry Rupaul, you old bitch. We are all deserving of love, because love sustains us and helps us grow. And when we don’t know how to, it’s through loving others that we can learn to love ourselves. If Dean knew what a great father and friend and husband and brother he is, if he could see himself the way others, in the show and out of it, see him, I think he’d burst. You don’t like getting singled out at birthday parties? Well tough shit, Dean Winchester, because I’m gonna devote an entire podcast to you.

I talked about Dean’s carefully curated list of likes and dislikes before but I’ll go into more detail now. Things he likes: guns; rock and roll; nice cars; women; fighting; scamming people at pool; back alley blowjobs, probably; pie; driving across the country; Ozzy concerts; cowboy movies; being in control of every little thing in his life. His dislikes are: flying on planes; hair metal; angels and demons; anyone who harms his brother, his best friend or his kids; boredom; and being jerked around.

Okay I literally cannot talk about the cowboy movies without mentioning that he makes Cas watch them with him, in his Deancave, and the implications of that make my head roll off my body and into the dirt. Like they literally have gay little movie nights and watch their gay little cowboy movies together and Dean says all the gay little lines. I said I wasn’t going to talk about his sexuality, but mentioning cowboy movies leads to Cas wearing a cowboy hat and saying “I’m your Huckleberry.” This makes me insane. Excuse me, I must have my daily scream.

Okay, I’ve collected myself. Have I? Let’s just move on. In the Winchester tradition of inherited family trauma, Dean gets all of John’s interests, and Sam gets all of John’s mistakes. Dean’s personality throughout the show is basically quippy remarks, pop culture references, laughing with food in his mouth, and grouchiness. In case you haven’t realised, he is amazing to me. Every time he fires a rifle or pistol? Couldn’t be better. Eating a burger made of out donuts? Fucking incredible. Even when faced with beings with untold power, he doesn’t lose his cool. One of my favourite exchanges is when Zachariah comes to Chuck’s house in the first episode of season 5, “Sympathy For The Devil,” and starts soliloquising at him, Dean tells him to “cram it with walnuts, ugly.” Cram it with walnuts, ugly. It’s been ten years and that still makes me laugh. Top ten Dean lines for sure. Like all of my main characters throughout the years of writing original fiction are just “Dean Winchester but girl,” and I’m a good writer, but I can never come close to the level of hilarity that he achieves. And every single writer on the show seems to get that. The only times I can think of where Dean’s characterisation has irked me on a writing level are in season 6—basically the entire thing—and the way he treats Jack in the later seasons, specifically late season 15. But it’s really rare for me to watch an episode and not enjoy Dean. Even throughout the Mark Of Cain era, which I loved, when things were very serious, he had such style and panache and held himself so confidently that I was like, wait maybe he made some points? Maybe he should kill everyone?

Dean is a hunter and a killer, but that’s not all he is. He’s very skilled in hand to hand combat, weaponry, and tactical manoeuvres. Even when something doesn’t go exactly to plan, he’s usually able to improvise something to end up with a win. Because he is the main character, his choices and reactions, while sometimes extremely problematic, are never questioned, and that’s to his detriment. In the last episode of season 14, “Moriah,” Dean is unable to kill Jack, but in early season 15, he treats Jack’s betrayal as Cas’s fault, because he can’t take it out on Jack. Cas leaves, but it’s framed as a good thing because Cas is Jack’s father, and has to take responsibility for what Jack has done. In this instance, I don’t blame Cas at all. Okay I rarely blame Cas for anything, including the things he’s done wrong, because no he didn’t and you can’t prove it. But he especially didn’t do anything wrong when Jack killed Mary, and he didn’t do anything wrong by killing Belphagor. But by the middle of the season, in the episode “The Trap,” Dean admits his wrongdoing in taking his anger out on Cas, one of the only people who loves him without conditions. You’d think this would be a defining moment of character progression, but then Dean chooses to act exactly the same way by throwing Jack under the bus. Like, throwing him harder, under a bigger bus. So what was the point.

Anyway, those are choices the writers made, and not Dean.

Going back to what I was saying about being neurodivergent, Dean has adhd. I know this because I have adhd, and I’m Dean-coded. He’s wildly creative, impulsive, has a touch of OCD, and he has a hard time making long-lasting friends, although this is mostly due to how all his friends die. His best friend is an autistic angel and the only reason they’re still friends is because they’re obsessed with each other, in like a really unhealthy way. One of the funny things about his and Cas’s relationship is that every time you see them in the same shot, Cas is standing perfectly still and Dean is constantly moving. They are almost complete opposites, aside from their queerness and neurodivergence. But then, I haven’t met a single queer person in my entire life who isn’t neurodivergent or disabled in some way. That doesn’t mean we can’t live perfectly functional and normal lives, it just means we’re better than everyone else.

Dean also exhibits black and white thinking—to him all felons are redeemable and all monsters should be killed. Felons are redeemable because he himself is a felon, and monsters should be killed because they all do monstrous things. When faced with the possibility of angels being real, he refuses to believe it for the first two episodes, because, as he says, “he’s never seen one.” Eventually he learns how to see in shades of grey and not kill every monster he meets, but this is because of his time in purgatory with Benny, his Cajun vampire boyfriend.

Another sign of Dean’s ADHD is physical sensitivity. In the season one episode “Bugs,” he comments on the shower’s water pressure. Like it’s a big deal to him, when he’s only ever used 1-star motel room showers. In the later seasons, he’s also seen to wear a fluffy robe and soft pajamas with hotdogs on them and socks that say “Send Noods” but noods spelt like noodles. And so he should! Dean deserves comfort! He’s a special boy.

ADHDers often have problems with executive function—remembering appointments, cleaning up after ourselves, showering, eating, even going to the toilet when we need to pee. The hunting life excludes Dean from the normal functions of usual life, such as dentist appointments, dropping the kids off at school, meal prepping for the week, or turning up to a job on time. These were only factors in Dean’s life during the gap between seasons 5 and 6 when he lived with Lisa and Ben, and it’s not shown how his executive dysfunction impacted his suburban, settled life, but Lisa does mention that Dean drinks a lot. It’s another thing he inherited from John, much as I did my alcoholism from my father, and my adhd too. But Sam doesn’t drink to excess more than a handful of times over the entire 15 seasons, whereas Dean subsists on alcohol to get through the day. At one point in season 11, I’m pretty sure, don’t fact check me, he is shown to be drinking a beer at about 10 in the morning, because, as he says to Sam, “You drank all the coffee. What do you want me to do? Drink water?” Dean your liver must be quaking.

Excess is a common problem for people with ADHD. We have problems with limiting ourselves—because our dopamine machine broke, anything that gives us a little bit of high—such as sugar, sex, alcohol, stimulants, any kind of food that is bad for us but tastes real good—we usually have it in excess because we can’t help ourselves. In the season 4 episode “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester,” Dean eats the entirety of the candy in the Impala. The only reasons I don’t eat everything in my fridge every day is because, one, I don’t have the money, and two, it’s all ingredients I have to prepare and not ready-made food. Whereas Dean has only known fast food for the first 10 or so seasons until he starts cooking and baking and settling into domesticity. Like anyone who gets UberEats every day instead of cooking for themselves knows how expensive that is. He also engages in meaningless sex, although people have pointed that Sam actually gets more on screen action than Dean. But I know a lot of amab people who engage in casual sex with randos because it satisfies a base need. Dean could be classified as hypersexual in some regards, but I know what hypersexuality feels like and it’s like this overwhelming miasma where you can’t think about anything except how horny you are, and I don’t think Dean has that normally. Maybe when he was a demon in season 10, but generally I think he can control himself.

His settled life in the men of letters Bunker is a far cry from his flashbacks in season 8 to Purgatory. From what we know of purgatory, the land of gods and monsters, it was a year-long monster hunt, but without any of the boring paperwork. Dean got to fight and kill as many vampires, ghouls, leviathan, etc as came his way, which is why it’s absolutely ridiculous that he died by rebar in a vampire fight. He spent an entire year spilling blood and chopping off heads, day and night, and he dies by metal bar to the spine? And he’s not even coughing up blood? Andrew Dabb, I’m coming for you. Of course purgatory is the perfect place for Dean because it’s constant adrenaline, constant excitement, constant stimulation, which is what every day life lacks. Even Dean’s every day life is like, 20% monster killing and the rest is leg work. They go weeks or months between cases, and sometimes don’t find the monster at all. So I’m not surprised he gets bored easily and drinks. Would if I could too, my pal.

Which leads me onto Dwelling. Dean dwells on the horrors of his life in a way I do and my carefree older brothers don’t. In the season 4 episode “Heaven and Hell,” he reveals to Sam that he remembers his entire forty years in hell, and there are flashes of his memory littered throughout the season in creepy, split-second increments. He dwells on the people who die, doing his thousand-yard stare into the funeral pyre of everyone they cremate. In the most egregious display of dwelling, he rewrites history TWICE to deal with his grief — in season 8 he makes himself believe that it was his fault Cas didn’t come back from purgatory with him, and again in season 13 he invents the story of Jack controlling Cas to deal with his grief over Cas’s death. His PTSD twists the truth until it becomes another way to torture himself, because if someone gets hurt it’s on him; everyone who loves him is just one more person to disappoint.

On a lighter note, Hyperfixations, equivalent to Autism special interests, are a common trait of ADHD. Some of Dean’s hyperfixations include: hunting in general; cowboys and cowboy movies; the musical Rent; the movie Braveheart; larping. He loves dressing up and acting, and what is putting on a monkey suit and lying about being a Fed if not larping? Oh god the meta of that coupled with the season 4 episode “The Monster At The End Of This Book” is making my head hurt. And actually, the next episode of Holy Hell is on the subject of meta-textuality so stick around if that’s something you enjoy.

One of the amazing things about ADHD is creativity. Since we’re easily bored and easily amused, we’re constantly pushing the boundaries of our curiosity. In season three episode “Bloodlust,” Dean decapitates a vampire with a miter saw, something that even veteran vampire hunter Gordon Walker comments is a thing of beauty. Dean creates a Ma’lak box in season 14 episode “Damaged Goods” as a way to contain Michael if he ever inhabits Dean’s body again. Dean is always making up words like “were-pire” and “Jefferson Starships,” and he has an almost encyclopaedic knowledge of pop culture, which he references in almost every line of dialogue. Like tv and movies raised me, but even I don’t understand a lot of his references. It’s almost like he’s a character in a tv show being written by dozens of people. But that’s not right. He’s a real person and my friend. My friend Dean Winchester, who shouts me burgers and passes out on my couch.

Also, I’m bragging now but as of the day of writing this I got my ADHD diagnosis and it feels so good to have a doctor, a psychiatrist in fact, confirm my belief. After about three or four years of figuring out I have adhd and then trying to make everyone else believe me when I say I do, it feels like a huge weight off. Dean deserved to feel that. He deserves to put a name to his differences and be in charge of his life instead of letting his anger, confusion and impulses control him. If anyone is worried that you might have something and don’t know whether to pursue a diagnosis, my two cents are that it has only improved my life. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Affective Disorder in 2014 and it allowed me to go on medication, which snapped me out of the worst period of anxiety I have ever gone through and also a psychotic episode that featured talking walls and a swarm of Christmas beetles. Trust me, we all need help sometimes, and some people like me need more help than others, but you can take control of the forces in your life that hold you back. As my mother used to say to me when I was a child, the world is your oyster. It really fucking does get better, and since I started on the right anti-depressants for me my life has improved so goddamn much. The world is fucked right now, and it’s impossible to even function on most levels. We all need therapy. I myself have a gp, a psychiatrist, and a psychologist and they keep me relatively sane. I would not be alive if I didn’t have years and years of ongoing therapy and good drugs. Plus I journal everyday and practice gratitude. I’m still crazy but the craziness is contained and doesn’t hurt me anymore.

Despite never going to therapy, Dean grows from being a loner with one friend (his own brother) to someone with a wealth of connections and family. He picks up new people to love like he’s velcro, and when he goes in he goes all in. He would die for the people he loves. He’s constantly putting himself in danger to protect his loved ones. In the Season 6 episode “Let It Bleed,” Dean captures and tortures demons in an effort to find out where Crowley took Lisa and Ben. He then has Cas wipe their memories so that they don’t remember him and can live their lives without him, at his own great distress. In season 5, he goes to Stull Cemetery to impinge on the fight between Lucifer and Michael, just to be there for Sam. As Dean says, he’s “not going to let him die alone.”

That being said, I do have to talk about Dean’s very few, but ultimately life-ruining, flaws. His emotional dysregulation makes his moods unpredictable at best. By virtue of his black and white thinking, he forces the people he loves to choose sides between him and other characters, such as Sam and Ruby, Cas and Crowley, Mary and the british men of letters, and Cas and Jack, and when they don’t choose him, he passively aggressively, and sometimes just aggressively, tortures them until something else usurps their betrayal. His anger issues are par to none, and often get him in a lot of trouble. But since he is the main character, he never really faces consequences for this, and neither does he mature. Even in the final season episode “The Trap,” while Dean admits how angry he is and how wrong he was for taking it out on Cas when Jack died, mere episodes later in “Unity” he turns Jack into a nuclear reactor to take out God, and Jack dies again. His characterisation in the last few seasons, especially in regards to Jack, is all over the place. I would have to start a murderboard to explain how Dean feels about Jack and how he reacts to what Jack does in every episode. Like, pictures and red string and everything. And even then I would not be able to comprehend exactly what the writers did and what they thought they were doing.

But unlike me, Dean always believes the best in people until proven otherwise, and he does always come around to the people who atone for their sins. Even when Sam refuses to get his soul back in season 6, Dean keeps trying until Sam is put right. Between seasons 7 and 8, He spends a year in Purgatory looking for Cas despite how Cas sent Sam insane, ingested billions of monster souls, and became God. When the people he loves choose him, he chooses them back.

But even when they betray him, lie to him, deceive him, and hurt the other people in his life, he can’t stop loving them. He never stops loving Sam or Cas or Jack or Mary or John or Bobby. He loves with everything he has. He is, as Cas says, a being of love.

Oof. That was a lot of words and I feel like I only just scratched the surface. Like realistically I just talked about fambily and ADHD. There is just so much to Dean Winchester that maybe I’ll make another episode sometime. But I am definitely making an episode purely about Dean’s gender presentation and sexuality in the future. You can find the show at holyhellpod on Tumblr where I post transcripts for the episodes and Instagram where I post memes.

I don’t see myself doing an episode about Sam any time soon, Not because I don’t like Sam, but because I can’t stand Jared Padalecki. He’s done some things that I can’t support, and I’m really bad at separating the art from the artist. Especially when it’s something like Supernatural, which is not art. Supernatural is an experiment. It’s not Johnny B. Goode by Chuck Berry. Like Jared Padalecki didn’t invent rock and roll, you know what I’m saying? However, if you really want me to do an episode about Sam, you can pay me 101 Australian dollars and 50 Australian cents at patreon.com/holyhellpod. I’ll talk to you next time.

Links

http://www.scififantasynetwork.com/dean-winchester-has-adhd/

#supernatural #spn #supernatural podcast #dean winchester #holyhellpod #transcripts

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