Stop tying your traumas up into her. She's not the reason you're like this. We know why you're like this.

I'M A RUIN — Soldier Boy/Ben (Part I)

Summary: After the events of the Seven Tower, you present Grace Mallory a new secret project you're working on already to develop a cure to Compound V. The only problem? You need Soldier Boy for that.

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x female reader.

Word count: 1,536.

Warnings for series: set after S3 (spoilers), some OOC!Ben, some depressed!Ben, angst, hurt/comfort, eventual smut, slow-burn, language, PTSD, reader has Compound V (she's no Vought supe tho), Soldier Boy being an usual asshole, reader is a fucking liar.

Notes: As soon as I saw him my feminism left my body immediately and my inner voice agreed that I'd let him take away my human rights with no question. He's an absolute idiot, would sleep with him 100%.

Heads up as English is not my native language sooo, yeah you know what follows. Lord pls give me inspo to finish this fic, amen.

☕ if you like my writing, support me with a ko-fi !

get yourself in the taglist!

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII

GEN MASTERLIST! — SERIES MASTERLIST!

Part I: For The Common Good

Two months.

Two months ago Grace Mallory decided to put the former greatest supe into sleep. Somehow, you managed to get in her head, explaining your new project to her and finding a new use for Soldier Boy, who had enough rest for 40 years.

You knew what happened at the Seven Tower, how Soldier Boy and Butcher's team ended up there to finally kill Homelander. Grace tried doing some shit against Vought before, but she never managed to win. It wasn't different this time. What was better then, that to develop a cure for supes like you, who didn't ask for it? People who never used their powers in public, nor seeked fame and money.

As a doctor in Chemistry, you were developing a cure for Compound V with a secret team. Suitable for you, you were in the same CIA tower Colonel Mallory decided to encapsulate Soldier Boy to, initially, spend the rest of his days in. You had luck Grace gave green light to the project, even though your team was already working on it without her approval anyway. But it was so much better if she found out properly.

Making your way to the super secured wing where Soldier Boy was held out of his sleep, you gripped the folder in your hands. You were scanned thoroughly before going inside a cold space, where two different crystal windows and metal doors separated the place. The armed guard guided you to the first room to check first through the window. You sighed, seeing a man sitting down, hands cuffed to a harsh steel table, gaze lost. It was him.

"The keys," you requested the guard by your side.

"Doctor-"

"I said, keys. He doesn't need to be cuffed."

He complied to your order, clearly annoyed but with a straight face and you walked to the closed door.

"If something happens, I can take care of myself. Don't let anyone inside understand?" you said.

He gave a nod. With that, he let you inside the room, the doors closing behind your back.

The prisoner observed you carefully as soon as you entered. His gaze was tired, but he seemed ready to attack, and it was completely hard to ignore his rough stare on you as you made your way to your seat in front of him. Soldier Boy observed you, placing the folder on the surface, and you held his gaze, not flinching for a second. Until you decided to talk first.

"I am glad you're awake. My name is Y/N, I am a doctor at the facility. Just wanna know how you're doing today," you spoke in a calm and soft way, so he could see you were not a threat.

He saw you roaming through the pages of the file, which he recognized as a copy of his file, and you took a pen from your lab coat to make some anotations.

"Not a smart move to let a fucking doctor here," he said with a deep voice, lips forming a straight line. "What do you want?"

"I want to help you."

"Cut the bullshit."

"I want to talk. If you let me, I will uncuff you so we can have a chat, like civilized people. Just don't try to escape, you won't go too far."

He raised an eyebrow as you reached his wrists and carefully, you set him free from the metal grip.

"I know what happened with Butcher and his boys," you said, confident that he would not try anything else. "About Homelander and your relationship with him."

"What the fuck do you know?" Soldier Boy tensed visibly hearing the name of the bastard. Still, he remained on his seat. "Want some info? You can lick Grace's pussy for that."

"She is, actually, the one who approved me to be here right now," you answered, brushing off his vocabulary. You used to deal with assholes like him all the time.

He scoffed. "Why?"

"Ben," you called his real name softly. "You've been sleeping for four decades. You deserve a second chance, I am offering you that. In some sort of way."

"I'm not going to be part of that freakshow-"

"This has nothing to do with Vought," you cut his words, his tone rising and you knew perfectly why. "You just need to be here in the facility, awake, in a dignified place we will give you so you can learn everything you missed. We can give you therapy, a comfy room, anything you want that's legal, of course..."

His jaw clenched, feeling you would ask for something more. "In exchange of what?"

"I know it's hard, unfortunately you won't be able to get out, but you don't deserve to sleep forever again," you sighed. "I will pay you visits and follow your improvements because you're human, after all. That's all I ask from you," you gave him a smile for the first time.

For a few moments, he said nothing, as if making up his mind about it. "Alright, anything but coming back to that shit hole. I need reefer though."

"Lucky you, that's legal now. We can certainly make it happen."

He looked around the room as you let him go inside first. Not the fanciest, not the shittiest. It had the basics: a bed, a sofa, a TV, a closet, a bookshelf with different books, magazines and newspapers he wasn't sure would read any time, a separate door for a bathroom, enough privacy, and no windows though. It wasn't really a cell, but he did look and felt somehow like a hostage. Just a little less if he could say.

"This is what we have for now, I am all ears if you request something else to have in here," you began as he paced around and tested the bed, sitting down on the mattress.

Ben still wasn't convinced on why you offered this to him. Sceptic, he gave a good look at you, roaming his eyes at your standing figure in a fucking lab coat. Christ, he hated those. Too pretty for a doctor, but too dumb to be locked with a supe like him. He was so tired that he didn't try and hit on you like he normally would with any walking pussy that appeared in plain sight. He was too exhausted to even give a shit.

"Lemme think about it, doctor."

"Of course, take your time," you replied as he walked toward the bookshelf, scanning through the titles there were. He recognized only half of them.

"So, I will be imprisoned here instead of a fucking eggshell," Ben said, turning around to meet you. "Charming," he smirked, dragging the words out of his mouth. "Doing charity."

He watched your face drop as you shook your head. "It's not like that-"

"Then why keep me awake?" Ben insisted as he gave steps to get close to you. "I can't die, it's much easier to force my sleep in a capsule your boss made specially for me."

He stopped mere inches in front of you, your eyes never turned away from him. He thought you were fucking brave just by keeping his dark gaze.

"Ben, I told you I will be watching your progress. You can grow from all of this with our help-"

"What kind of doctor are you?"

"A psychiatrist. That's why I'm here."

Ben scoffed with a grin showing on his lips. He didn't believe in that kind of shit, but oh, well. What was he gonna do about it? He was tired of sleeping, Mallory captured him, and you were here, giving him a shelter for no cost, but his freedom. In his mind, that was temporary of course. With time, a plan would come. Right now, he just needed to keep up with the fucked up things of the modern world.

"I guess you would come and babysit me then," he said, going back to take a sit on the bed.

"Wouldn't use 'babysit you' but I will come to see you, that's for sure."

He nodded. Silence was his answer, so you continued.

"Just general rules. Our people will bring you three meals a day, if you're missing something that you need then just push the button by the door, there will be guards outside to assist you on that. Also, there are clothes your size on the closet and personal products so you can change and take a shower," he stayed silent again, just taking in your words. "If you don't need anything then I leave you to get comfortable," you said, about to leave.

"Wait. I do need something," he hesitated for a moment, but he continued anyway. "Don't use those lab coats when you come in."

Your eyes widened, he quickly realised you already knew why he was requesting that when you started to take off the coat, revealing your formal attire. You wrapped the coat on your arm and cleaned your throat.

"I totally understand, I will keep that in mind when I come tomorrow. And I will ask for your reefer too."

You flashed a final polite smile and left him to get settled. Ben breathed out. Fuck, he really needed a shower.

Lecture Notes MON 27th NOV

Masterlist

BUY ME A COFFEE

Doing Art History: Painting 2

French Art in the 19th century was heavily focused on Establishment painting, which is painting through patronage and academic painting type. However, while that type of painting was typical at the time, Avant-Garde (favouring or introducing new and experimental ideas and methods.) was coming in and reshaping art.

Leon Bonnat is one of these older French artists upholding academic painting, he was the default portraitist, especially for well-known and important figures.

Léon Bonnat, Louis Pasteur and his Granddaughter Camille Vallery-Radot, 1886, oil on canvas, Musée Pasteur

Vincent van Gogh, Self-Portrait with Bandaged Ear, 1889. Oil on canvas, 60.5 x 50 cm, Courtauld

Now look at Vincent Van Gogh and his self-portrait, made just three years later. Comparing the two artists, one is clearly far more Linear and the other Painterly. Bonnat was trained to paint in this style, the lack of eye contact from Pasteur gives him a thoughtful occupied academic look, while his granddaughters presence makes him appear as a family man. Moreover, she retains eye contact with the viewer, affirming the position of the viewer, bringing them in. While Van Gogh’s eye contact is far more subjective and debatable, to me he’s dissociating, looking far into the world, and lost to his mind. Ruminating if you will.

Which one do you refer? To what degree does an artist need to be trained/know painting to be good?

During this time historically there were new developments in colour and out understanding of the eye and retina: the prism, retinal imagery, etc.

Another Establishment artist: Alexandre Cabanel

Alexandre Cabanel, Birth of Venus, 1863, oil on canvas, 130 x 225 cm, Orsay

Consider the touch and tension, the fluidity of the painting.

Perhaps a feminist reading of the painting, as suggested by the lecturer was that to a 19t century audience, her nudeness and laid-back nature is one of relaxation. And while a 19th century lady would’ve had many layers of clothing, this nudeness would’ve appeared as freeing. However, there is something to say on a male artist telling a woman how to relax.

Although there is something to be said between nude bodies being depicted as opposed to a naked body. Nude: clothes in conversation of Western art, is depicted and painted as if the subject had never worn clothes and is idealised, by the skill of the painter. This painting is an example of that. Naked: is far less idealised, one that implies a body that has worn clothes before or even has some featured around somewhere in the painting. It might even appear dirty, and far more realistic.

Compared to Olympia, you can observe the difference between a nude and naked body.

 Edouard Manet, Olympia, 1863, 130 x 190 cm, Orsay

The painting is linear, her gaze directed at the viewer, she’s sitting up in confrontation. A painting that’s non-allegorical, she is supposedly a prostitute, while unusual for nudes, she created quite a reaction from contemporary audiences. Critics considered her to have armpit hair even, with the way Manet painted her. They also criticised her femininity, as long flowing hair was a far more associated trait with femineity. Here she has hair bunched, and it almost disappears into the background, they claimed it made her look bald and dirty. This is very clearly a naked body as she has left over items of clothing on her, which imply the existence of clothes.

The person of colour featured in the painting is considered the attendant to the lady laying on the bed, as many brothels employed people of colour.

Orientalism:

Jean-Léon Gérôme, Moorish Bath, 1870., Oil on canvas, 50 x 40 cm, The Museum of Fine Arts, Boston

Renoir, Odalisque, 1870. Oil on canvas, 69.2 x 122.6 cm , National Gallery Washington D.C.

Monet and Renoir were known to paint together, a good example of this are these two paintings of a boat house/boating place. They set up easels next to one another, creating similar but certainly different, emphatic paintings. Creating simple figures but different renderings, creating suggestions of figures. What is a finished work?

Sketch aesthetic: quick lines, shapes, casual blotting of colour, considered thoughtless. But focusing on mood and atmosphere more than anything. Created by the light, colour, weather – was always a race against the changing weather for the painters to capture.

This creates an individual experience for each viewer, applying and projecting personal experience onto the works, this was probably one of the great aspects and playing into impressionism. This temperament probably didn’t benefit the critics, but made art form a greater connection to that of the masses.

(Left) Pierre-Auguste Renoir, La Grenouillère, 1869, oil on canvas (Pushkin State Museum of Fine Arts, Moscow (Right) Claude Monet, Bathers at La Grenouillère, 1869, oil on canvas, 73 x 92 cm (National Gallery, London)

Recommended further reading: The Painter of Modern Life, Charles Baudelaire, 1863 Part 1, 2, 3

Monet, Impression: Sunrise, 48 x 63 cm., Marmotton Paris

(Left) Monet, La Gare Saint-Lazare à l'Extérieur (Le Signal), 1877 , musée d'État de Basse-Saxe (Right) Monet, The Gare Saint-Lazare (or Interior View of the Gare Saint-Lazare, the Auteuil Line), 1877, oil on canvas, 75 x 104 cm (Musée d’Orsay)

Completed as a series of studies of the La Gare Saint-Lazare, these paintings depict a modern life. Especially the one on the left, depicting perhaps an underside of modern life, through the choice of colour palette the painting evokes a dangerous atmosphere. And in some cases, lacks colour, depicting a fiery railway station and perhaps the underbelly a hellish side of the Industrial Revolution. The painting holds a certain thickness, with the figures reminiscent of the architecture, almost dehumanising the modern industry. Although, this thickness presents challenge, like the opacity of the piece, falling short in seeing and the lack of colour legibility. Monet manages to capture something visceral in the smoke.

Claude Monet, The Gare St. Lazare, 1877. Oil on canvas, 54.3 × 73.6 cm. The National Gallery of Art, London, Room 44

His style, while baring the characteristics of Impressionism also hold a certain pattern of texture, as he repeats the technique and repeats the textural pattern in his paintings. Not only in the smoke but in the landscape also.

(Left) Monet, Le matin au bord de la mer, 1881. Oil on canvas, 61 x 81 cm, Private Collection (Right) Monet, Falaises des petites dalles, 1880. Oil on canvas. 59 x 75 cm, Museum of Fine Arts, Boston

Claude Monet, La Falaise à Varengeville, 1882. Oil on canvas. 64.8 x 81.3 cm. Private Collection, USA

Claude Monet, Water-Lilies, after 1916. Oil on canvas, 200.7 × 426.7 cm. The National Gallery of Art, London, Room 41

1916 post-war Water Lillies were created by Monet as a symbol for peace and his response to WW1.

Berthe Morisot, The Wet Nurse and Julie, 1879 , 50 x 61 cm. Private Collection

Morisot was an upper-class woman, and to me this painting is a radical one. This is her wet nurse, feeding Morisot’s daughter, who is painting them. An example of a modern woman, critics didn’t wish to comment on her pieces due to liking her and believed Impressionism to be an art for women. Due to its atmospheric importance, and emotion behind it.

Georges Seurat, Bathers at Asnieres, 1884, National Gallery, 201 x 300 cm

Seurat, A Sunday on the grand Jatte, 1884. 207 x 308 cm., Art Institute of Chicago

Seurat was considered more of a post-impressionist (or neo impressionist), in the sense that he just came after the impressionists did. During this time pointillism was becoming a trend within art, due to the sciences attempting to link the arts into a more “disciplined art”. This art was considered mechanical and scientific in its creation, with the single dots that made up and blending at a distance. Although this creates a linear painting, making it static and like the bodies are mannequins.

Paul Seurat. Le Bec du Hoc, Grandcamp, 1885. 64.8 × 81.6 cm. The National Gallery of Art, London, Room 43

Paul Gauguin, Spirit of the Dead Watching, 1892, oil on burlap mounted on canvas, 116.05 x 134.62 x 13.34 cm (Albright-Knox Art Gallery, Buffalo, NY)

Paul Gauguin (1848-1903), Nevermore, 1897, The Samuel Courtauld Trust, The Courtauld Gallery, London

Gaugin’s Nevermore, was created by Gaugin when he was visiting certain islands, expecting to find an untouched paradise. When he arrived to find a colonised land that was not that primitive, there he used women to establish a place for himself and used the relationships with them to survive. These paintings in fact, are an example of that. His critics claimed his art appeared primitive, the opposite of civilised in this case, with the flat colours and basic shapes, although going against the common nude depictions.

I don't give a damn

Steve x f!reader

Summary: Sometimes Steve's forgets how times have changed. You're there to sing him a song about it.

Warnings: swearing, drinking, kisses, themes of sexism, i guess spoilers for Annie Get Your Gun (although that's from the 50s so I don't really think it needs much warning lol)

Word Count: 3020

a/n: another karaoke fic (because I wasn't kidding when I said I love them). Most of the songs I've been listening to have come from a playlist aptly titled ffs. It stands for both "for fucks sake" and "feminist fight songs" in my mind, hence the similar theme of this fic and My Name Isn't. This one was inspired by Joan Jett's "Bad Reputation"!

Masterlist

You and Steve don't see eye to eye on most things. It's not that you don't get along. You respect each other too much to fight about everything, but you have differing opinions on most things.

Take movie night for example. Cap always wants to watch something from his list. He's always trying to pick a "classic".

Most of the time, you would rather watch something you haven't seen. Unless it's a comfort thing, you don't really like repeating movies.

You both understand the other's perspective, so rather than a screaming match you typically settle it with a game of rock, paper, scissors.

Unfortunately, that's how most of your interactions go.

Outside of missions and team building nights Tony forces upon the group, you don't spend much time with him. The two of you are just polar opposites.

The problem with that? You have a massive crush on Mr. America himself.

Not that anyone else would know that. You're highly trained in the art of covert operations. You know how to hide your feelings, although you are certain Natasha at least suspects something.

You've resigned yourself to taking this secret to your grave, that is until Cap says something one movie night that sets you on edge.

-

"Rock, Paper, Scissors, shoot!" You held out your fist, having chosen rock.

Steve smirks, covering your fist with his open palm. "Paper beats rock, time for another 'classic'." He squeezes your hand before letting go. He picks up his book, trailing the pencil down the page for the next movie.

The high you were currently riding from his touch quickly dissipated when he announced the movie he wanted to watch.

"Annie Get Your Gun is next on the list." He smiled, closing the book before returning it to his pocket.

You couldn't help but scoff, "who suggested that one?" Annoyed at the sexist themes of the 50s musical movie.

"Someone said to watch all of the best pictures/musicals from the Academy Awards to see how times have changed." Steve scrunched his face in thought. "I can't remember who though."

"What? Most of those movies are terrible if you ask me." You whined a bit, annoyed at the idea of watching your least favorite type of movies.

"Your just annoyed cause you lost rock, paper, scissors. Let the man cross it off his list and move on." Sam chimed in from across the room.

You huffed, making a face at Sam before turning to get more comfortable on the couch. "Fine, this one still sucks though." You frowned, nonplussed by the idea of watching another 'classic' with another sexist storyline.

Somehow, you sat through the musical without any interruptions, unless you counted aggressively rolling your eyes.

The second it was over, you were turning the TV off, excited to be done with it. You were three steps from the exit when Cap called out to you.

"I don't know why you hate that musical so much, Y/N. I thought it was sweet what Annie did for Frank."

You narrowed your eyes as you turned back to him. "Would you lose on purpose to 'get the girl'?" You couldn't help but roll your eyes at the phrase. "Would any of you?" You looked at all the men in the room.

"I don't think it'd be very fair. Wouldn't want her to think she was better than me if she's not. Besides, it depends on the girl." He may have been going for a flirty tone, but you just grew angrier at Steve's response.

"Right, because why should you have to pretend to be worse to appease someone else?" Everyone in the room could see where you were going with this. Everyone, that is, but Steve.

"Yeah, that's a good way of putting it." Steve nodded along, glad the two of you were finally agreeing on something.

"The why'd you think it was sweet when Annie did it?" You stepped closer, narrowing your eyes even farther. "The whole musical Frank was too stubborn, his ego too big, to deal with the fact that Annie was better than him. 'You can't get a man with a gun'? Bullshit, you could always shoot him." You let out a dry laugh at your own joke, completely fed up with sexism in movies being written off as love.

Steve was taken aback at how everything had shifted. He thought he was finally in agreement with you on something, so he clung to it. "But she did it for love... her reputation, all the medals, they still showed how good she was." Halfway through speaking, he realized he was only making it worse, but it was too late. The damage was done.

"For fuck's sake, she shouldn't have to pretend to be any less of a badass sharpshooter than she is to find love." With another roll of your eyes, you went to leave, stopping again at the sound of Steve's voice.

"Maybe she was just scared she wouldn't find anyone with that reputation." He nearly smacked himself for that one, why couldn't he just shut up? He just didn't want you to be mad at him.

With one hand on the doorway, you looked over your shoulder. "That reputation? I'd rather have that reputation than a relationship where I have to feed his ego." With that, you walked to the elevators, beyond ready to call it a night.

-

"I'm an idiot." Steve sighed, head in his hands, elbows on his knees while sitting on Bucky's bed.

"Yep. You just kept digging." Bucky agreed easily, not sure where to start with the advice.

Steve shot him a glare as he began pacing back and forth. "I mean, she clearly didn't like the movie. Why did I even start the conversation? I should have just let her walk away. She already barely tolerates my presence as it is. We disagree about everything, even if we rarely fight over it. I should've just cut my losses and enjoyed the time we spent together, even if it was with everyone."

"Punk, you need to relax. Just go apologize, then maybe you'll actually go to sleep at some point tonight." Bucky shoved Steve out the door, slamming it shut before he could object.

Mumbling about what a jerk Bucky is, Steve made his way to your door. He hesitated, turned around, walked a few steps, turned around again, and eventually knocked.

You opened the door with a yawn, having been close to sleep when the noise startled you. "What d'ya need, Cap?"

He couldn't help but smile at your sleepy state, never having seen you this unguarded before. "Uh, I just wanted to apologize for earlier. You're entitled to your opinion, and there was no reason for me to fight you on it."

A look of annoyance briefly flashed across your face at the mention of the movie, but you relaxed given his apology. "I'm glad we can agree then. It's a terrible movie."

"Oh, no, I still like the movie." He had never wanted the ground to swallow him whole more than he did in that moment. Floundering for a way to undo what he just said, he started rambling. "I mean, you're right. It is kind of sexist, but that was just the time period you know? Like in the 40s, dames had to constantly worry about how their actions would affect their reputations." Up to that point, he had been staring at the floor, rapidly spewing more words. "I mean, you wouldn't want a bad reputation, right?" He chose the wrong sentence to make eye contact.

The sleepy, slightly confused smile was gone, replaced by a look he had hoped to never have directed at him. You spoke with an eerie sort of calm when you replied. "I think you're a little stuck in the 40s, Cap. I shouldn't have to worry about my reputation anymore than any man does his. Goodnight."

For the second time that night, a door slammed in his face. Bucky was definitely wrong. He would not be getting any sleep after talking to you.

-

"Ladies and gentlemen, it's karaoke night. Yes, I've rented a bar. No, you may not stay home. We start at 8!" Tony walked in, made his announcement, and instantly walked right back out.

Everyone nodded, taking in the brief encounter with Tony. Well, everyone but you and Steve. The two of you were too stuck in your heads to listen to Tony's ramblings.

It had been three days since movie night, and Steve still hadn't worked up the courage to talk to you again.

What could he even say to explain why he was so flustered? "Sorry for the other night, I can't seem to form coherent thoughts when I'm around you, because even though we rarely talk outside of missions, I have a massive crush on you"? No, that was definitely coming on too strong.

He just needed to find the right words.

Meanwhile, you were confused. You never would have imagined Steve to be so stuck in the past. Of course, you understood things were different before he got stuck in the ice, but he's really made leaps and bounds in his understanding of feminism and equality since he first realized what year it was.

You wanted to ask him where the whole speech came from, but you were afraid of the answer.

"I guess that means it's time to get ready since it's already 6:30! I swear, he never gives us enough notice for these things." Wanda smiled at Vision, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek, before grabbing you and Nat to go change.

"What are we getting ready for?" You asked when Wanda finally let go of your arm, having entered the elevator.

"Karaoke! Didn't you her Tony?" She eyed you suspiciously, clearly debating whether or not to look into your mind.

"She was too stuck in her head to notice me throwing popcorn at her, she definitely didn't listen to Tony." Nat smirked at your startled expression, laughing when you reached up to brush the kernels out of your hair.

You glared at both of them, "I was just thinking about some stuff. That's all."

"Yeah, some stuff named Steve." Wanda cackled, having decided to peak into your head. It was for your own good after all.

"Wanda! You said you wouldn't read my mind unprovoked." You wanted to be angry, but part of you was relieved you wouldn't have to keep this secret anymore.

"It was provoked! You wouldn't tell me what you were thinking about." Wanda smiled, also knowing that you were happy to have shared the secret, even if not by choice.

"And don't try to change the subject. Steve, huh? Somebody's got a crush." She was taunting you like a child would on a playground, shaking her head back and forth for emphasis.

"Well, yeah, but that's not what I why I was thinking about him." They each gave you a pointed look, obviously not believing you. "Seriously! I was thinking about movie night." You frowned, upset at the memory.

You quickly filled them in on what Steve said when he came to talk to you as you made your way to Nat's room to get ready. (She has the biggest vanity, so it makes the most sense to go to her room).

"I can't picture Steve trying to defend himself like that. Normally if he's fallen back into his old ways, someone points it out and he apologizes." Nat made a face, trying to put two and two together. "Unless..." She looked at Wanda, gesturing for her to read her mind.

"Oh my god!" Wanda squealed, nearly knocking you over with her excitement. "Steve's got a crush, toooooo." She happily dragged it out, much to Nat's amusement.

"Please, the man barely talks to me as it is. Our most substantial conversation revolved around my 'bad reputation' or lack thereof." You couldn't help but roll your eyes at the memory. "I seriously doubt he's got a crush. I do want to fix this though. I don't like when people are avoiding me. I get all stressed about accidentally running into them."

"He totally has a crush." Wanda smiled again.

"It's the only reason he would turn into a rambling idiot in front of you." Nat added.

"What song should I sing tonight?" You desperately tried to change the subject.

Wanda smirked, already having a perfect song in mind. "I think I've got one that could solve both your problems..." She filled you and Nat in on her plan, and although you doubted the crush aspect of it all, it was a good way to break the ice in terms of Steve avoiding you.

Hopefully it would show him you were more confused than upset, and everything would work out.

You changed quickly, embracing 80s fashion to go with your song choice. You wore black leather pants and a matching jacket, slipping on a tight red shirt underneath. Although, you still did your hair like you normally would, not fully committing to the 80s vibes.

With the addition of some red lipstick, a rarity for you, you were ready. Wanda and Nat finished their looks as well, and the three of you left for the bar.

-

You were honestly a little surprised when Steve walked up to you immediately after you walked into the bar. He handed you your favorite drink, smiling as he took in your ensemble.

"I wanted to apologize. I didn't mean all that stuff I said, just sometimes I forget how much things have changed and I-" You cut him off, not wanting him to suffer (or ramble) too much.

"Steve, it's fine. I was honestly more confused than anything else." He smiled, taking a sip from the drink he provided you.

"Really? You definitely looked angry when you slammed the door in my face." He outwardly cringed at bringing it up again.

"Okay, I was angry at first, but then I was mostly confused." You nodded, trying to convey that you weren't upset with him anymore.

"Good. I'm glad because avoiding you was getting pretty difficult." He wanted to smack himself again. Why does he always say the stupidest things around you?

To his relief, you laughed at his 'joke'. "Plus, this makes my song choice even more fun." You winked before walking back over to Wanda and Nat, leaving Steve to wonder about your performance.

-

"Y/N! You're up next." Tony called from his seat near the stage. He really liked to enforce his 'everyone must participate in team building, that's how it becomes team building' philosophy when it comes to karaoke night.

You couldn't help but smirk at Steve as he whipped his head around to witness you walking onto the stage. He's been eagerly awaiting your performance.

Everyone who knew the song started laughing at the first sounds of the guitar. The two super soldiers though? They were confused.

"I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation."

Once you started singing, you couldn't take your eyes off of Steve. He was blushing at being called out, Bucky's hysterical laughter next to him not really helping the situation.

"Living in the past, it's a new generation."

Bucky nearly fell out of his chair laughing. Even Steve had a smile on his face. You bobbed your head to the music, relying on your previous drinks to really get into the performance.

"A girl can do what she wants to do, and that's what I'm gonna do. And I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation. Oh no, not me."

You put air quotes around bad, really playing it up since everyone was having so much fun with it. Tony, Nat, Wanda, and Sam were jumping around, dancing as you sang. Bucky was still trying to catch his breath from laughing so hard. Steve was full on grinning by the last chorus, slightly shaking his head at your antics.

"So, why should I care about a bad reputation, anyway?"

In typical Tony fashion, he saing along for the "oh no, not me" bit of the song, encouraging everyone to scream the words with him.

By the time the song was over, you were a little out of breath, sweating a bit from the lights.

"Now's your chance, punk. Go bring her another drink." Bucky shoved the glass in his hand and gave Steve a slight push in your direction as you walked off the small stage.

You hugged Nat and Wanda before making your way toward the bar. Steve intercepted you, handing you the freshly made drink.

You smiled, uttering a quick thanks before eagerly taking a sip. The cold liquid did wonders for your parched throat.

"That was quite the performance. Really called me out 'on my bullshit' as you would say." You couldn't help but laugh and tease him a bit more.

"Captain, language!" You placed your empty hand on his shoulder, sliding down to his chest with your next question. "Whatever will the world think of you?"

"Well, recently I've adopted a new motto." He whispered, leaning in closer so you could here. "I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation."

Caught off guard by his use of the lyric, you laughed, leaning into your hand on his chest for support.

"Something we agree on then." Your breath caught in your throat when you realized just how close he was.

"I think there's one more thing we agree on..." He trailed off, eyes quickly glancing down at your lips.

"What might that be, Cap?" Your eyes drifted down his face as well, giving him enough courage to lean in.

His lips caught yours in a passionate kiss. He pulled you closer as you wrapped your arms around his neck. The two of you moved in sync, as if you were made for each other.

You were so lost in each other, you paid no attention to the cheers from your teammates. You didn't even register Nat and Wanda screaming "I told you so" as Steve pulled you in for a second kiss.

Professor, pt 1

A/N - so i heard from like four of you which is enough to warrant me posting drafts that weren’t supposed to see the light of day - ANYWAY this was originally written in third person and let me tell you it takes a ridiculous amount of effort to change tenses like holy hell. 

(Technically the prequel Friendliness but can stand alone if you really want it to. There’s a part two to this so watch out for that tomorrow.)

Summary - Spencer meets a professor and falls in love for a few hours

W/C - 2k

Warnings - none-ish? there’s a small smattering of violence and horrible changing of the tenses 

-----

Spencer can’t help the irony that he’s in a freshman college class for the first time ever while protecting one of the students. Who knew that a tiny club of DnD players could incite so much rage out of an un-sub? So here he was, trying to blend in—even though he’s 25, he still looks 14 and there’s really no real reason why he should be worried about being caught—in order to protect a freshman who was more pimple than male specimen. 

Joesph—the poor kid in question—takes a seat in the front row and Spencer’s obligated to sit within tackling distance, though he hopes it won’t come to that. Hopefully, Morgan will have the kid the un-sub goes for and Spencer can just enjoy being in college again. The painfully familiar auditorium seats, the stale air, and bad fluorescents feel more like home than he cares to admit. 

College hadn’t been all too unpleasant. High school he’d gotten picked on mercilessly. College, however, had meant getting doted on by hot sorority girls and earning the protection of frat boys—they’d picked up rather quickly that he knew football strategy better than they did after Spencer had hustled a TV and 400 dollars from them. Sure, he didn’t drink, but every single drunk teenager had welcomed him with open arms and lots of ginger ale. 

There’s chatter and for the ten minutes before class starts, Spencer is torn between trying to figure out which song is quietly playing around the room and watching for a particularly rage-filled college student serial killer. Instead, he just finds too many bored faces. Most of the kids are drinking coffee like the best of them and he’s itching for his next fix just looking at it. 

The first two rows: a terrible vantage point to be profiling, but a beautifully defensible post. He watches absently as one of the TAs, who looks a little younger than him, organizes three stacks of papers on the front desk and flips through several different pages on the podium. His attention is focused solely on you for nearly a minute too long—he can hear the voice in his head chastising him for how often he gets distracted by pretty people. 

You look of the fragile sort, the in-the-lab kind of future scientist. There’s something about you that’s captivating. It might be the way you keep reorganizing the papers to perfection or maybe it’s the way you study the room so closely. And while he thinks that you might not be able to physically stop someone, you sure look like the kind of person that could crush him in chess. 

He’s 25 and is considering chess as a marriage proposal.  

Joesph shuffles his books around in the seat in front of Spencer and you, the beautiful TA in question, hold a watch up as you move to the centre of the room. Class is starting. Class is starting and he’s hopeful the professor never actually shows up. 

He notices your watch is on your right wrist—are you left handed?—as you smile widely and clap her hands together. First day jitters seem to keep everyone silent, waiting on baited breath for you to start. Spencer would stay on baited breath for the rest of his life for you. You were utterly captivating after all—he could see the drool from several students’ mouths a few seats over. 

“This is Anthropology 101,” you announce. “If this isn’t your class, you’re free to leave. Or stay if you want. Did you guys know that anxiety disorders affect more than 40 million US adults? Or 1 in 5, I guess, if you want the easier pill to swallow.”

Spencer’s heart jumps into his throat and he wants to raise his hand just to ask you to marry him. 

“Anyway,” you sigh, leaning back agains the front desk, “I spit out a lot of facts. Usually something that begins with ‘did you know’ won’t be on the tests. I try to be fair. Which brings us to ice breakers.”

The class collectively groans. You scoff. 

“Oh hush, I’m the only one doing the ice breakers so chill out. Jeez.” Spencer waits patiently for your soft breath and then your further announcement of, “I’m officially Dr. Y/N Y/L/N, but that’s like only if my boss comes in or for any emails you send. You can call me Y/N because that’s like normal. I got my doctorate in forensic anthropology a year ago and I’ve been teaching since I started grad school three years ago. You’re in safe hands, I promise.”

He almost kicks himself. You’re the professor. How many times had he been nearly kicked out of a classroom when he was in grad school for saying he was the professor? How many times had he been 18 and trying to get an ounce of respect for himself? 

You continue, waving your hands about like you could pull your ideas back down to earth. “Um—a fun fact about me is that I am not welcome in certain parts of the world for ‘violating’ what are called exhumation laws, which is silly in my opinion. I had the legal right to carry that head on the plane and—and I hope you did the reading because there’s a first day pop quiz.”

The entire class lets out one simultaneous frustrated whine that alights something almost wicked in your eyes. You wave over two students from the other end of the front row and they begin passing out test papers as you explain. 

“You’ll have a total of fifteen minutes to answer ten questions. We’ll start on my mark. If you have any trouble, give me a shout and I’ll help you out. After this, we’ll go over the syllabus and if you’re lucky, leave early.”

Spencer’s passed a test and immediately notices there’s no place for a name. Just a bolded “Student #21” at the top. Another girl raises the question and you snicker. “I like puzzles,” is the only answer you give before the time starts. 

Question four: what are the top three songs you’ve been listening to? Please list.

Question six: why are you taking this class?

A: This is a requirement

B: I heard it was easy

C: I heard the professor was hot

D: I really enjoy anthropology! (liar)

Question nine: Creationism or Evolution?

Question ten: Quickly. If you were going to have dinner, would it be with Bill or Hillary Clinton?

Spencer can’t hide the grin he’s got the entire test. It’s all ridiculous get-to-know-you questions. He can tell what merit you’re getting out of them. There’s one judging study habits, one judging religion, feminism, politics—you’ve created her own little innocuous questionnaire. Spencer was sure the students would just think you were strange, but he saw the cleverness. 

Spencer also notices that once you notice him, you don’t stop noticing him. He wonders what you see. You’re so obviously profiling him that it hurts. Do you see the FBI agent? The scholar? The doctor? The drug addict? The man in a boy’s skin?

Your timer beeps and you shout for pencils down. Your makeshift TAs are dispatched to collect the papers and you make the stacks perfect when they make it to the desk. You move to the whiteboard, a set of papers clutched in your hand, and lean against it to address the class. 

“Test go alright?” your grin is contagious and Spencer can’t help but mirror it. You glance at Spencer, turns back to the class, and tuck your hair behind your ear. You let the class chatter on for a moment, setting the papers down on the table, and readjust the undone cuffs of your white button down. He never thought that a sweater vest and jeans could look so hot. 

You smirk and check your watch one more time. “Let’s talk about tests because I know you all have questions. Everything on the test is either written on the board, on the notes, or in the study guide—if you fail after that, come to office hours. I’ve got Advil for the hangovers.”

#

Thankfully, Joesph is one of those students who has to speak to every single one of his professors. Spencer waits patiently behind the kid, trying to keep the smell from the lack of deodorant just out of range. 

He keeps a hard gaze on all of the students moving in and out of the auditorium. There’s nothing to see, just a lot of students with a lot of normal college apathy. No anger, no serial killer, no one to tackle. 

“Sometimes the BO is worse than a corpse’s expulsion of gas,” you joke from your place atop the desk. Spencer looks up, and furrows his eyebrows as his brain processes. Your face falls for a split second, but your curiosity replaces it just as quickly. Joesph’s jaw hits the floor, stumbling for some way to explain himself or maybe some half decent way to insult the pretty professor. 

Spencer laughs, probably a little more than he should have, considering he wasn’t supposed to out himself as an FBI agent. You tuck your hair behind your ear again and, for someone younger than 25, you are surprisingly wide eyed with perception and curiosity. 

“Do you like puzzles, Doctor—“

“Reid,” he supplies, trying to swallow around the lump in his throat. “Spencer.”

You raise an eyebrow, chewing on your bottom lip in contemplation. You turn your focus back to Joesph—a boy worse at talking to those scoring higher than an 8 than Spencer was at the same age. “So, Joesph, why does the good doctor need to be within tackling distance of you?”

Joesph flounders, turns to hide his blush, and yelps like God himself has come down to kick him in the ass. Spencer takes one good look at the 18 year old girl charging towards a pimple of a boy and he launches before he can give much consideration to how much its going to hurt. 

But between the noticing and the launching, he makes a list: she’s got so much black eyeliner that Emily’s high school yearbook photos would be jealous; she’s about to inflict about a 9 on the pain scale if she’s left to her plan; there’s obviously no plan other to scratch Joesph’s eyes out; her nails are the size of tiger claws and Spencer desperately wishes he had a better pain tolerance; there’s no weapon. 

The tackle takes seconds. It’s a practised movement. Roll. Knee. Handcuffs. The girl is screaming and crying and kicking and biting. His arm’s on fire and she’s struggling enough that it’s taking more than ten seconds to get the handcuffs on. 

It’s calculated as he presses his knee harder into her back. She yelps and stills long enough that Spencer closes the handcuffs on her tiny, sliced up wrists. The cutting explains some things…

“Hence the tackling distance,” You sum up, bending down just slightly to look the killer in the face. Your nose wrinkles. “You had very distinct ideas on the cultural value of suicide.”

Spencer shakes his head, hauls the girl to her feet, and beckons for Joesph to follow. The entire world falls out of view as he manhandles the girl into an easy walk. The students step to the side to gawk, and he’s thankful for the wide berth. If someone got hurt, the paperwork alone—

“It was nice meeting you, Dr. Reid!” you call and he glances back over his shoulder. You’re waving around the stack of papers in your arms, utterly ridiculous, terribly adorable. He hopes his smile is more suave than love sick, but the fleeting flirtation is especially over when Miss Unchecked Rage kicks out as Joesph comes into her line of sight. 

Spencer throws his whole weight into keeping her down. There’s no room to fall in love after a day. Especially with someone on a college campus halfway across the country from him. There’s even less room to manoeuvre Miss Eyeliner even without Joesph waddling into her eye line every few seconds. Seriously, he thinks, how hard is it to keep behind me?

Nov 16 Stream Timestamps

Timestamps from Technoblade’s “THE REVOLUTION (dream SMP)”

Link to my youtube comment with all of the timestamps x

Timestamps with hyperlinks below

02:13  “This is a surprise tool which will help us later” / thumbnail isn’t foreshadowing / video thumbnails have to be big / stream thumbnails can be detailed 05:17  “The traitor is actually Jschlatt” / firework crafting 09:50  “The ratio is impeccable” 13:23  “Dream’s in the game! My audience retention rate” / vc with Tubbo & Quackity / traitor Jschlatt theory / “Are you high?” “A little” 14:47  “You’re a bit of a wildcard” “I am the most consistent character on the entire server” / “What’s this about getting into power” / “We’ll burn this bridge when we get to it” 15:54  “You really are such an English major” / “You’re an idiom” / malaphor / “I’m actually speaking twice as much English as you guys” 18:07  “I think Thunder is overcompensating in the chat” / “Where can you see me” “In my heart” (Karl & Quackity) / Karl not leaving vc 20:33  vc with Niki / “Did Tubbo just leave me? I spaced out for 2 seconds” / “You can’t call everyone the traitor” “I can & will” 22:45  “You know it’s an event when Skeppy’s here” / “You know it’s a big deal when Georgenotfound wakes up” / “Everyone leaves me” 23:31  explaining the traitor thing to Niki / “Maybe I’m a sleeper agent” / had to kill Tubbo 25:03  nothing happened with that creeper / Fundy interrogating Niki / “Why did I train her for MCC” 25:54  “Even YOU’RE leaving me” / sad music / “I’m sitting here with 203k viewers & it’s not enough for any of these streamers to bear talking to me for more than 60 seconds” / Skeppy joins vc to immediately leave 28:50  Karl has a gift for Techno / Karl is just here for the animatic 32:21  “At least the chat won’t leave me” / pays for his music 35:01  “I’m going to destroy the government so bad” / “I hate all of the farming updates on skyblock” 37:45  joining a vc / “I just got stood up in like 4...conversations in rapid succession” / “My new years resolution was to make friends & it’s november & I’ve made zero headway” / Eret switches sides 41:53  Ender chest setup / worried about hotbar management / potions > shields   43:13  vc with allies / “Karl you are literally the biggest third wheel I have ever seen” 45:03  angering the dogs / trident combo 47:13  “D!ck with one ball” (Tubbo) 50:25  “Let’s hope Wil overslept like [George]” 53:09  recruiting Eret / “If you fight on our side we’ll make you the King of Burger King” / “He’ll be an executive citizen” / “I’m surrounded by idiots” 54:58  putting Schlatt on the allies list / “Schlatt is an alcoholic high on protein power” (Fundy) 56:47  can’t trust Eret / “I hate it when you’re right” (Tubbo) / Wilbur joins vc 59:50  having a moment with Hubert / “Not even the mobs like me” / sad music / “I just gained 8k subscribers the sadness is gone” / cow pit exp farm 1:02:57  vc with Niki / “I’m going to join the other vc AHHHHH” 1:05:02  “Once everyone meets up...I have something prepared” / “Technoblade when are you not ready?” “When I joined the server” 1:09:38  “Who do you take me for? Of course I’ve read the Art of War. It’s written by Mozart” / battle planning 1:12:18  “This is the betrayal...happening very slowly” 1:13:35  Pan1 / “This revolution is so doomed” 1:15:29  Dream attack / Quackity dies 1:18:07  “Agree Retweet” / “Violence is the only universal language” / “i have a supply” / “Why do you talk in upwards inflections constantly?” 1:19:57  Techno not getting to talk / “He took it all by force didn’t he” / “Fear into Ear” 1:23:50  Techno telling everyone he has a stash twice / distributing blue / mushroom the fox 1:26:49  Tommy talking over Techno again / “Stop going off on your tangents” “We have food at home” 1:29:30  vault reveal / Tubbo stealing emeralds / secret chest 1:32:40  “Shut up bro you are green as shit” (Tommy) / “Everyone give me back my stuff you don’t deserve it” 1:34:41  no netherite swords / “Who’s the traitor” “Promise we won’t be mad” 1:36:31  battle / Technoblade trident maneuvering / giving rocket launchers to Tubbo & Tommy 1:40:27  killing Karl / Dream bringing out the end crystals / fighting invis Dream / purpled switches sides 1:43:57  Dream wants to talk / 309k / group photos 1:46:08  vc with Dream / “But only if my enemy insists” / in the van with Schlatt / “What are you doing in my drug van? It better not be drugs” / Tommy preparing to shoot Schlatt 1:54:42  “We won” / “We killed an old man with heart problems! It only took 20 of us!” / President Innit / subscribe to Technoblade sign 1:55:57  Dream & Techno talk in chat / Tommy speech / “It was meant to be” / “I don’t think anyone is bowing to Tommyinnit” / “Karl don’t be weird” / Skeppy has a disc 1:59:06  Techno being apprehensive on mute / Tommy makes Wilbur President / “I’ll be the president” “I’m gonna veto that” / “Techno...you’ve taught me that government is not the way to go” / Wilbur makes Tubbo president 2:03:20  “I’m not sure I like where this is going x2” / “I’m not sure this is a good ending” / “Team chaos” “Perhaps” 2:06:20  Techno shoots Tubbo / Philza joins / “You think Schlatt was the cause of your problems? No. It was government” / speech gets interrupted / “The government ends here, I’ll kill it myself!” 2:09:23  Phil kills Wilbur / techno yelling for silence / “Tommy you just did a coup...& instilled yourself as president” 2:12:11  “If you want to be a hero THAN DIE LIKE ONE” / wither spawning / killing his former allies 2:15:09  post fight talks / “There will be no new government today. It will be over my dead body” / “Techno was not the traitor” 2:18:50  “I need to increase the crater that is L’Manberg so that no country can rise in its place” / “Mom says it’s my turn on the flame bow” 2:23:51  “What I’m doing right now is small scale. This is the work of an individual. This is nothing compared to the cruelty governments all around the world [inflict]...systematically” / “Llamas are the primary victims of war” / “I just wanna be apart of the explosion” (George) 2:27:06  Techno joins vc / connor joins the server / “I hope you’re proud of yourself Techno” “I kinda am” / Jack Manifold (Thunder) being broke / netherite armor 2:32:30  “Beach episode” / Techno accidentally joins the L’Manberg vc 2:35:16  the base is compromised / “There’s no way Technoblade would put a clock there if it didn’t mean anything” / got robbed 2:37:37  “If you’re going to ask me how I got all these emerald & arrows that’s a story for another day” / explaining the bedrock / “I can give everyone stuff & it’ll be such a flex” 2:40:24  Greek mythology 2:41:45  The Golden Apple / “They didn’t use discord back then they used skype, so can’t invite Eris” / “Zeus the god of feminism” 2:46:02  Eret recruiting Techno to kill George / joining vc / “Let’s stop him before he gets land” / Awesamdude proposing a fight 2:49:08  “No one can kill me I’m invincible” (logs out) / Dream literally names the turtle potions Sam thinks he hasn’t heard of / “I’m at soup” / “It’s not smack talk he just has that many items” 2:53:06  “Stab him Dream, I’ll shout encouraging words” / Techno fighting Bad & Ant 2:56:23  Dream wins / “I think there was this Dream guy attacking you with some sort of weapon” 3:00:11  turtle potions / Dream hyping up Techno about fighting BBH / Badlands negotiating with George 3:04:34  vc with Philza 3:07:00  spider farm afk’ing / lagging Quackity’s computer 3:09:06  smp earth / Phil only logged on to back Techno up 3:10:32  killing George / “I’m gonna drop his armor off don’t jump me” / not fighting Dream 3:13:00  vc with Karl & Phil / Karl definitely not starting a government / “Chat that was the boring part, don’t leave” / 320k / “Why do we keep scheduling these on Monday?” 3:16:18  “I don’t even want to think about how famous Tommy will be in the future” / “I get a tad bitter” / covid is good for youtubers but obviously bad / “I’m so good at socially distancing” 3:19:51  “Aren’t you tired of being nice Philza? Don’t you just wanna go crazy” / “You should be wary of the old in a profession where people die young” / vc with Eret 3:21:47  “What if you built a slightly larger throne next to it?” /  “How are they paranoid of a mole but the guy with a track record of being a traitor gets no questions asked” 3:25:47  “I’m gonna place a block at the bottom & kill you instantly” / reverse mlg /  emerald rich even with Tubbo’s theft 3:27:57  “I’ll allow it” / upstairs chests robbed / Eret disconnects with the book 3:32:04  armor sabotage bc he thought it’d be 1v5 / crystals are mutually assured destruction / Wilbur afraid of tnt getting blown up early 3:34:11  the diary was actually Eret’s / “He’s gonna tell everyone who I have a crush on. Nooo” / reading the 100 page book / “Can I not win here?” “No” 3:40:14  “This stream has released more serotonin in my brain than the last 6 months combined” / revolution was overcrowded / could improve the crater 2:43:09  “Awkward ten minute period where I’m just sitting there watching them set up a new government but I can’t kill them yet” / Carl is missing 3:44:34  “The one time Technoblade is gonna roleplay & they talk over him” / “CARL” / “As long as Sapnap isn’t the one that took him there’ll still be hope” 3:46:10  “Once you start using end crystals it’s the only pvp that matters & end crystal pvp is so lame” / Webtoons 3:49:10  “What’s going to happen to you & WIlbur now?” “I don’t know, I think I’m chill with Wilbur” / “The only thing that changed is my voice. Zero personal growth” / lines from the first speech that got interrupted / “King George is trending booo” 3:52:00  1 million twitter followers / “O god it’s been four hours...I am not built for this” / did a 13 hour stream once / sub growth goals 3:56:30  “What the heck is Phil watching”

I am dying to hear about your Sean and Dutch content tbh

Oh jeez okay well uh

... I’m gonna put it under the cut because I’m embarrassed. Warnings for like, obvious (legal) age differences and Horny (Dom/sub dynamics, mild feminization, and just general roughing up Do Occur). And just fyi I’m not trying to set up like, a perfect model of how to have that kinda sex and negotiate kinks so please don’t come for me for stuff not being realistic or accurate, I know it’s not ajfhkjgf

It’s a modern au where Sean’s in college (like 21? 22? He took a gap year and ended up studying abroad in the States), probably an aspiring comic but taking Gen-Ed or History because his dad wants him to get an education. Dutch is a recent regular at the college bar Sean and all his friends go to every weekend, and he’s an absolute miserable fuck in his.... 40s?, who’s recently broken up with his fiance (Molly of course, wink wonk). It’s just the closest bar to his house, of course, and that’s the only reason he frequents it so often. Of course. 

So they meet there, Dutch takes Sean home and it’s... Absolutely a rebound fuck. Sean’s young and Irish and peppy and bratty and reminds Dutch of Molly (Molly's much older than Sean, probably in her early thirties, but still) so of course he ends up getting a little bit obsessed.

And Sean’s like, well aware of how gross and creepy this situation is, and Dutch is, but Dutch is Not Unattractive and absolutely simping for him and Sean’s kind of... Into it. Sean ends up spoiled and get’s whatever he wants out of Dutch because he’s infatuated and doesn’t exactly strictly enforce the rules he tries to set. (It’s more like “oh you broke a rule you have to suck my dick” vs “you broke a rule you can’t cum for three days”, so for Sean it isn’t really a punishment).

And they’re not dating, just fucking around, which is nice for the both of them. Sean calls Dutch up for rides home from class (he shares an apartment with Kieran, Mary Beth, and Tilly) and sucks his dick in the parking lot. Sean learns pretty quickly that Dutch likes calling himself Daddy and whips that one out whenever he really wants something (calling Dutch at 9pm on a Tuesday like “Daddy I’ve been thinking about you all day, I need you to come over, oh and bring a pizza on your way, pepperoni extra cheese”), and Dutch is... A little bit in love with Sean’s ass, and calling it a pussy and feminizing him (hahaha I wonder why that is). 

There’s a side plot where Arthur works at that college bar and Sean also hooks up with him sometimes, but they’re much chummier with one another and it’s less... Transactional? I guess? Sean annoys him and gets in his way during his shift so Arthur roughs him up as soon as he get’s out of work, get’s his big hand around Sean’s neck and fucks him out back behind the dumpsters, grips his hips so tightly there’s bruises after. Then Arthur walks Sean home with his arm over his shoulders and Sean snuggling into his side as best he can standing up, and Arthur makes sure someone tucks him into bed.

Uhh and there’s another where Hosea visits Dutch to check in on him, probably a month or so into him and Sean seeing each other. He and Dutch have been in love for a really long time but have never been in a... Proper, formal, monogamous relationship, even though they’ve been seeing each other for decades (even when Dutch and Molly were together 😬 which probably contributed to their uh... Relationship problems). But Dutch is still a mess, of course. His sink and counter are covered in dirty dishes, his place is a mess, he’s been wearing the same shirt covered in pizza grease and cum stains for the past week. Hosea brings him breakfast and they’re eating when Sean comes out of Dutch’s room in one of his shirts, leans right over Dutch and steals half of his bagel, and when Hosea greets him (with a very curt “um. Hello.”) Sean’s just like “’sup” and goes back to what he was doing.

Hosea decides that this will absolutely not do, tells Dutch to do his dishes, and has a little sit down with Sean.

And Sean’s like... An absolute brat to him, probably even more than Dutch, because Hosea’s trying to be strict and authoritative and Sean has a problem with authority. Eventually Hosea just... gives him a safeword, brings him into Dutch’s bedroom and puts him over his knee. He spanks him just bare handed (no riding crop or anything, even though I. Definitely would like to see Hosea with a riding crop), and counts, and every so often stops to ask Sean if he’s had enough and he’s ready to be good, and at first Sean’s like. Fuck this guy, this isn’t so bad. But soon enough his ass is red and he’s overwhelmed and crying a little, and begging and promising that he’ll behave, and Hosea’s very pleased. That wasn’t so hard, was it?

And Hosea takes really good care of Sean after... He gives him a shower and washes him really gently, and then let’s Sean take a nap with his head on Hosea’s chest while he reads. Dutch comes in after cleaning his living room and finally taking a shower himself and is like “haha how the fuck did you do that.”

And that’s what I’ve got so far, feel free to ask me more about any of this!! I like talking about this stuff a lot

Living with the Cult Legacy of Evil Dead.

Here’ s a recent interview with Ellen Sandweiss by Den of Geek that discusess The Evil Dead, current cinema, and feminism.

We chat with Ellen Sandweiss, who played Ash Williams' damned sister in The Evil Dead, about a horror legacy nearly 40 years on.

Sam Raimi’s The Evil Dead franchise seems to have had at least nine bloody lives. First was the original 1981 movie that propelled lead actor Bruce Campbell and director Sam Raimi to cult cinema stardom, and then there were the sequels (The Evil Dead II and Army of Darkness), the 2013 remake, and even a cable TV show via Ash vs Evil Dead. These low budget efforts, originally labeled as “video nasties” in the UK, became a refuge for film aficionados to revel in macabre humor, bad puns, and practical disembowelment effects that rivaled Tom Savini’s best work.

Less lauded though is the coven of women in the original feature that Campbell’s Ash battles to the death and beyond. In The Evil Dead, Ash drives to the remote cabin in the woods with his girlfriend Linda (Betsy Baker), a few friends, and his sister Cheryl (Ellen Sandweiss) for their spring break. Cheryl’s character is the first to notice something awry upon their arrival, the first to suffer at the hands of the demonic entity in the now (in)famous tree rape scene, and the first to be seized by the demonic entity’s possession.

It is really Cheryl’s character on which so much of the narrative’s propulsive force hinges. As a result, she exercises her acting chomps adroitly. Whether frantically attempting to convince her brother and friends that “it was the woods themselves! They’re alive!” or cautiously traversing the dark forest with the whites of her bulging eyes, Sandweiss showcases both Cheryl’s humanity and her intense fear. When she embraces her possession, pus-filled and pawing at hapless Ash, she recalls the witch from Anne Sexton’s poem “Her Kind,” which details a lonely, twelve-fingered evil. “A woman like that is not a woman, quite.”

Sandweiss also was the first non-Campbell actor to reprise a role in the series when she appeared in Ash vs Evil Dead Season 2. Den of Geek spoke with Sandweiss about her acting career, her work with Campbell and Raimi, TimesUp, and if the tree scene would be shot the same way in 2019 as it was almost 40 years ago in the backwoods of Tennessee.

What got you interested in acting? What led to your getting the part of Cheryl in The Evil Dead?

I acted in school plays and local theatre starting in middle school. I come from a very artsy family and was involved in music and dance as well. Then I went to high school in suburban Detroit with Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell and was in plays with them. They had been making super 8 movies since they were in their early teens, so I was often in those movies as a teenager. I then went to college at the University of Michigan where I majored in theatre, and during one summer, we made “Within the Woods,” a short film that Bruce and Sam made to garner interest and money from investors in order to make their first feature film, Book of the Dead, which then became The Evil Dead. Once they had raised the funds, I took a semester off college in ’79 to 80 and we shot the film in Tennessee.

What was your experience like on the set of The Evil Dead? Do you have a favorite memory of shooting the original?

My experience making The Evil Dead was mixed. Of course it was exhilarating at age 20 to be off making a feature film, and the “boys” [Raimi, Campbell, and producer Rob Tapert] were a lot of fun. But the budget was tiny, and it wasn’t a union film, so the conditions were harsh and everyone on the set was very inexperienced. We were all in our early 20s and for many it was our first experience making a feature film. At the Tennessee cabin where we shot most of the film, we had no electricity, no plumbing and no running water—need I say more?

Could you have anticipated, at that time, the kind of cult following that film would have especially with both the remake and TV show?

I could never have anticipated the eventual cult status of the film. When we made The Evil Dead, there was no video rental, no streaming, etc. So films, if they were distributed at all, would end up either at a first-run theater or at a B-movie theater or drive-in, which was where our film landed. Honestly, when we were shooting the film, I thought (and hoped) it would never actually be seen. Then, after a few years, it was released and then it disappeared. I forgot about it and went on with school, then graduate school in arts administration, followed by management jobs in non-profits.

It was when video rentals were born, a few years later, that people started becoming interested in Evil Dead, followed by multiple releases on VHS, then DVD, laser disc, Blu-ray, etc. I didn’t actually realize it had a cult following until around 2001 when my teenaged daughter’s geeky friends started talking about it and ED t-shirts were appearing at local film and comic memorabilia shops. Then we had a 20-year reunion screening, and it was after that that the other two actresses and I started making convention appearances as “Ladies of the Evil Dead.”

What was it like revisiting Cheryl as a character when you did two episodes of Ash vs. Evil Dead?

Revisiting Cheryl in Ash vs the Evil Dead was a hoot! At that point they had a big budget, union rules and lots of experience under their belts, so it was a lot more comfortable. It was fun acting again with Bruce, whom I’ve remained friends with all these years, and of course it was wonderful getting to see New Zealand, where we shot the episodes.

Do you think the tree scene from Evil Dead would be filmed in the same way today as it was done then?

Yes, I’m sure that the tree scene would be done differently if it was filmed today. First, I’m not sure that it would be characterized as a “tree rape,” as Sam has since said he regrets that it ended up that way. I think it would have gone back to what was originally intentioned in the script: trees coming to life and attacking Cheryl, which would also satisfy today’s more feminist audiences (and actresses!). And I’m sure that CGI would be used instead of the reverse-filming, or whatever it’s called, to show vines wrapping around me.

What is it like coming back 35 years later on the show and actually exploring a sibling dynamic?

It was great fun to do Ash vs Evil Dead all these years later and visit the earlier lives of Cheryl and Ash in their family home. In the original film, I believe there was only one line referring to their relationship (“it’s your sister Cheryl!”), and if you missed that you were probably wondering what this weird morose girl was doing on a party weekend with these two college couples! In Ash vs. ED, fighting with Bruce took sibling rivalry to a new level—I loved taunting him and I always enjoy filming a good fight scene. Of course he was the star, so he had to win in the end, but I did enjoy my final words, emanating from my decapitated head on the ground: “Not again....” We actually played around with some other final words—I thought, “Mom always liked you best” would be funny, but nobody seemed to agree with me!

Many people are saying that the horror genre is having a renaissance with hits like Us and Hereditary. What do you think it is about horror that has audiences continually returning to it?

I admittedly am not a horror expert by any stretch of the imagination. I normally don’t watch horror films, but I did watch Us because I love everything Jordan Peele does. I liked it because for the most part it didn’t focus only on blood and guts—there were actually well-formed characters and a message. I think that certain people will always want to explore their dark side, and horror films allow them to do that in a safe space. I also think some people simply like the adrenalin rush they get from being scared.

In the past few years, there's been a lot of discussion around the representation of women on screen. A lot of this conversation seems to be fueled by #MeToo and #TimesUp movement. What’s been your impression of the shifts being made in Hollywood?

I love the shifts being made and hope that they continue to shift even more. Everything about the women’s movement, MeToo, TimesUp, etc. can only make our choices in entertainment better. My daughter is an actress, and I like the improvement of the roles that are available to her. Of course we need more female producers, writers, and directors, and I wish that was happening a little more quickly.

What films have been most exciting to you as an audience member in the past few years?

I’m such a film enthusiast that I really can’t name specific films. But in general, I’m drawn mostly to indie films that make me think, laugh, and cry, and films that cast women in interesting roles.

Do you have any new roles or projects coming up that you can speak about?

No, I’m pretty much retired at this point, although sometimes I will come out of the closet and do a play. Mostly I’m having fun watching the acting careers of my daughter Jessy Hodges and her husband Beck Bennett blossom!

Dreamboy Fan theory (Part 1)

TW: mentions of physical abuse, animal abuse and depression

Quick intro! - So with the next episode being the season 1 finale, I thought it would be a good time to share my theory of what is going on at PepperHights. I wanted to share now before the finale comes around and totally proves me wrong but for once I oddly don’t mind. It also goes without saying it is just a fan-theory and it’s not meant to be taken too seriously. With that being said however, I do talk about the themes as tagged so be mindful whilst reading. One key note, going forward when I use “Dane” I will be referring to character Dane in the show. When talking about the real Dane, I will be referring to him as “Producer Dane” when talking about all things outside of the podcast.

Also, this is LONG! When I started this I was hoping for a post similar length to my transcription of the Instagram live. As I keep typing however I realise that to make this flow easier I have split this into two parts. Part 1 will talk about the general theme of “what’s going on” and my guess at how Season 1 will end. Part 2 will carry on with the key points that were mentioned before, but with focus on the characters and how it all links together along with their individual theory’s.

Dreamboy has been an amazing podcast from start to finish. From the music, Character Danes sex drive to the sheer horror which is woven in every episode, it is clear you can see why it was picked up but Night Vale Presents. However, after seven and a half episodes (and a holiday special) there is still a lot of mystery of “what” is going on in the show. As fans we know that there has been a build up to something big happening and with hints of Aliens, magic and the super natural taking place in most episodes. For me though, there seems to be one clear overriding theme that is taking place and that ISNT the idea of there being a giant fish, the fear of giant family corporations going to Jupiter and finding something, the dreams of death or even the sharing of dreams between two strangers.

It’s the horror that comes with mundane life and everyday people itself. For more clarity, I don’t think there is anything supernatural, Syfi or horror going on. Instead, I think this is a tale of people and the hardships of life and how it is perceived via tone which I am hoping to break down in this fan theory! Key themes here are things I have picked up though my own life experiences, what has been said on and off podcast, livestreams, and assumptions from what took place in the original off Broadway production/BTS episode and people who work on the podcast.

At the start of the podcast we are introduced to a morbid way of thinking with Dane’s idea of a supermarket is just one giant morgue of animals and dead plants. This creepy tone is continued throughout the whole story. It’s captivating, it’s engaging and its part of what makes the podcast great but there isn’t something that would count as a big “horror” or “bad guy”. Instead, it’s how Character Dane talks about the supermarket which makes it scary.

This use of Tone and description is used a lot to make us the listener gripped in the moment along with how we imagine and perceive what is being described to us, however, we havn’t yet seem to encounter one key thing which is actually “evidence” of something paranormal. Instead, a lot of what is happening can be put down as as the struggles of life and its affect on ones own personal mental health and personal life experiences that come with getting older as well as how we cope with the events around us. These can be seen in all our “main” characters Dane talks to such as Dane himself, Luke and Critch, all of whom I will talk about more in Part 2. (Note:  I don’t include Characters such as Carol and Dan in this as whilst our leads have spoken to them, unfortunately they don’t seem to have a big impact on the story outside of the episodes they are featured in.)

A good example however, of how Danes descriptions of characters and tone can be seen as “something supernatural is going on” is how we perceive Jennifer and the Non-Girl Scouts. When we first meet Jennifer, Dane describes her as a “child who looks like she has been raised by her grandparents”. She is also later described as a “girl scout” and is frequently referred to as a “child”/ “kid”. In a cultural context, when talking about girl scouts, being from England I associated them with our equivalent, who are ages from 7-10 and when she mentions that she and the other two had a “slumber party” it furthers this idea of a young girl. This tone/description sets us up to believe she is very young, which is even more jarring once she opens her mouth and speaks about complex issues such as feminism and equality in their complexity but sophisticated manor. All these Ideas, and Tone, leads us to think that she is “creepy” and “up to something big” in a supernatural sence. However in episode 7 our perception of how we view Jenifer changes.

In the episode Dane asks “what is she twelve?” to which she corrects him and tell us she is actually 13. This greatly surprised me when she told us this, and yet at the same time, for the first time made her human. At 13, we instantly gain between 3-7 years of life experience, meaning by now she is starting to form her own personality and ideology, which is something we expect from a teenager. A teenager talking about toxic masculinity is less jarring than a child talking about it. Whilst people would perceive her as a “child” still, there is a big difference in maturity level and complexity thinking, which means we no longer have a “creepy child girl scout” on our hands, but rather a “young teenager who is making their own choices though understanding social situations”. In this episode have a very human moment of a teenager asking for help as well as frustration break down when Dane won’t give her the keys as he “knows” they won’t open the door. I get the impression this is not easy to do for her,  and from the live stream we know she doesn’t like to be messed around. For the first time we have a very human moment where we see her struggles and vulnerability, rather than the creepy tone which has been set by Dane and his narrative.

So with the Idea set that we are dealing with real life instead of a big horror taking place, I would like to also address one of the key areas this applies to as well as what I believe is taking place. I would like to talk about Zoe the Zebra and what has actually happened.

For me personally, I believe that Zoe is already dead, but not for the reason you believe. Early on, in the first episode, we are told that Zoe is an old Zebra who is the Zoos start attraction. A bit of Basic googling shows us that in the wildlife, a zebra can realistically live for 10 years whilst in captivity they can live up to 40 years on record. If we assume that Zoe has never seen the wildlife and was bred in captivity, we can assume she was born into the Zoo around 1990 at the EARLIEST, meaning she’s a pretty old Zebra nearing 30 if Dreamboy is set in 2019. With the Zoo being popular but struggling for funds, and based off the other animals such as the monkey who needs to listen to opera to sleep, we can assume that Zoe did not have a suitable enclosure for her. An unsuitable environment along with being the “star” of the Zoo, it means she was also frequently surrounded by load noises, no enrichments/toys and could have been alone despite being a heard animal. These factors are all key contributors to animals developing some form of Stereotypical behaviour during her time at PepperHights.

(Quick definition break: Stereotypic behaviour is defined as a repetitive, invariant behaviour pattern with no obvious goal or function. Stereotypic behaviour is not seen in animals in the wild and is understood to be abnormal and is therefore a negative factor in conservation captive breeding. Common Stereotypical behaviour includes habits of repartition such as noise making, pacing in the same location and self-mutilation as a result of over grooming AKA not nice!).

Based on what I learned in my time working with animals, this behaviour can also lead to aggression when behaviour patterns are interrupted or the animal is dealing with something they are not familiar with (such as someone breaking into their cage late at night). This sadly what is likely lead to the death of Ian. Whilst in the story it has been said that Zoe’s fate is still to be decided via the judge later in the week, I  believe Zoe is actually already dead due to Zoo’s protocol’s that occur in these situations. It is very common when there is an active risk of the safety of the members of public in regards to wild animals, whether they have activity hurt a member of public or not, is too shoot the animal dead on the scene.

I have seen this happen when animals have killed members of staff in Zoo’s, to just lynx’s escaping from enclosures and going into the country side with no interactions with the public at all. If we are to assume that the person who reported Ian’s death also knew the Zoo’s procedures, we can assume that Zoe, who in in a scare fit killed Ian on accident, was shot on the scene to prevent anyone else being harmed. It is also worth noting that currently we do not know if we have seen Zoe since the incident, only that we have heard her cries which could have easily been recorded and played over the speaker system. It is also easy to believe as since Critch has requested no one to be present at her death, Zoe is already dead but Critch wishes to hide that so that people still visits the Zoo to see Zoe one last time before she goes as so many people love’s her. As well as this, it would also explain why there is such a big push for the lost ocean, as their main attraction is already dead.

Going back to the original discussion of theme, This idea of an animal who is kept in a poor enclosure, driven crazy by the noise and consistent lack of respect to then only be added on with her death on the scene is obvious a lot more realistic than the “murderous Zebra” or even the “drag Queen Zebra” which is frequently used to describe the situation. Its sadness of the situation, from an animal never being kept in its natural environment which lead to a young persons death, to the fact that there is no formal closure for this animals death, which leads to the finale being less of a supernatural horror to more of a real life situation which we as society become numb to as we exist day to day.

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For now, this is all I have for part 1. The idea of nothing supernatural going on is something which seems to be something which is only slightly touched on with the “plot” of Dreamboy. In Part 2, the idea of personal hardships, challenges and how these can link to a more telling story is what I am hoping to cover as well as my own personal theories.

Will hopefully get part 2 up within the next couple of days but till then stay groovy!

“Man of the House”

That ep of Jane the virgin, hooooo boy

so let’s get this straight

1) Jane respectfully asked, as a parent, for Jorge to put his dishes away and not watch TV while Mateo was around, because it was directly affecting his behavior and causing his ADHD problems to worsen. 

Sidenote: wasn’t he living there for months before this for the fake marriage? Pretty telling that he stops having any regard for his wife’s only grandkid & great-grandkid until the ring is on.

2) He gets really mad, apparantly, and tells his wife. He doesn’t relay the pretty reasonable requests she actually made, just that Jane was disrespectful. He does this instead of confronting Jane, or having a family meeting.

3) Alba gets mad at Jane, doesn’t really give her an opportunity to say what actually happened [Mateo had a meltdown and started misbehaving, because he saw “the man of the house” not following the rules]. She points out that she cooked and cleaned for Jane for years. Which is true, but also isn’t relevant to asking someone to put away their dishes or keeping the TV off around her son. Also Jane was a literal child for most of the years she was living with Alba and it’s never been shown that Jane is taking advantage of her parent’s free labor. So Alba was really responding to Jane being skeptical of the gender roles Alba & Jorge have - which, again, she said nothing about to Jorge.

4) Jane apologizes to Jorge, to keep the peace. He asks for a few small concessions, which are actually pretty reasonable by themselves - keeping things down at night, leaving the close spot for Alba. I don’t see anything wrong with asking a roommate for these concessions at all, but he also didn’t apologize for getting a third party to interfere [for no reason, since he has no problem having a reasonable conversation here, other than his passive-aggressive and patronizing tone], and we also don’t see any sign he’s actually going to make the changes Jane requested, so it doesn’t feel like a fair & respectful conversation. 

Another thing here not addressed - Jorge said to Alba that Jane was being disrespectful and insulting to him, that’s never touched on. Asking a roommate to put their dishes away, especially in front of their easily impressionable son,is not insulting or disrespectful, especially when brought up in a 1-1 conversation like that. That’s a pretty basic polite thing to do. How long were those dishes going to sit there? Hours until Alba goes back home? Was Jane supposed to clean up after him for some reason? Him leaving dishes at the table was far more disrespectful and also, that’s how you get ants! 

The watching TV thing was a little less of a normal request but... most families, especially ones that can afford a 40 inch HDTV have a second TV in their bedroom, or at least a laptop, or something than can watch TV off of. And this was for her child, who has problems with processing TV and other things and led directly to her son having meltdowns. Regardless, it’s not disrespectful or insulting to ask for that concession, people who live together should be allowed to have a healthy discussion about their wants and needs, bringing it up a healthy thing to do. Turning up the volume repeatedly to drown out your step great-grandkid’s tantrum was disrespectful though. You really care that little about your wife’s only great-grandkid? Just turn off the TV, pause it, or at least mute it. You don’t have to raise Mateo, but it would be nice if you wouldn't actively contribute to making it harder for him.

5) Jane apologizes to Alba for being judgey about the whole division of labor thing. Fair enough, Jane’s a nice person and loves her grandma and likes seeing her happy. During that apology, Alba says the whole completely unequal division of labor thing isn’t actually that unequal because while she does cook, clean, do the grocery shopping daily after her job, Jorge actually helps too! He does this by... 

* handling telemarketers. I just hang up, i don’t think this really compares. It’s nice, but like, those should be a 1 min conversation or less “I’m not interested”.

* he makes all their dinner reservations. Again, this should be like a 2 min phone call, unless you get stuck on-hold. Nice of him to do, but i’d rather set up a dinner reservation than clean the bathrooms and do the dishes. I’d do pretty much anything other than do the dishes, but that’s neither here nor there. 

* putting her slippers in front of the bed every day. That’s super sweet, but still probably only takes like 1-2 minutes every day. Considering meals tend to take 20+ minutes of work, usually involving standing up and actively monitoring, it’s just not really comparable.

That’s apparently her best examples she has of how their division of labor isn’t an unequal as it seems. 3 things that add up to probably 5 minutes, and two of the things aren’t even daily occurrences. Compared to apparently doing all the grocery shopping (Usually around a 30 min trip to me, at least), making most or all of their meals (20ish min per meal, plus snacks, but let’s call it 45 min/day and assume she has leftovers sometimes), and apparantly all the cleaning (jane has never been shown to shirk her duties, so i’m gonna go with 30 min/day, and assume it’s mostly dishes and laundry).

Which makes Jorge’s contributes like, hmm, 5 min/day, and Alba’s around an hour, rounding down and not even factoring in grocery runs. They both work too, although i don’t know if either of them works more than another.

Alba is definitely correct that if she wants to run her relationship that way, she should be allowed too. For example, some people find cleaning relaxing. It doesn’t make their contributions any less unequal, but it does change the context. She doesn’t say she actually enjoys cleaning or cooking, other than “doing things for the hubby” sort of implied in there, but you know. She could, maybe.

But that’s not really the issue. The issue is still that Jorge thinks asking for reasonable accommodations from people who have lived her longer than him is disrespectful and insulting. That’s a red flag by itself, plus his behavior suddenly turning to a manbaby who can’t do dishes after putting a ring on it is another red flag. The division of labor thing could make sense in a more equal relationship, but on top of these red flags, it points to repeated behavior that actually is taking advantage of Alba, just like Jane was concerned about. 

Anyway, this whole thing was probably just a plot to get Jane to move out. But it really made me side-eye that his bad behaviors were ignored in favor of teaching Jane that “sometimes feminism is letting women be taken advantage of, because they want it” or something. They could have made this message less wishy-washy by having Jorge actually not be whiny tattletale and have an honest convo with Jane, and by having Jorge’s contributions be bigger & comparable.

Whovian Feminism Reviews the New Target Novelizations

I fell in love with the Target Doctor Who novels in the year between when the Classic episodes were taken off of Hulu and when they were finally put back up on BritBox. Trying to catch up on all the stories I hadn’t seen yet — and re-watching some of my favorites — was becoming an insurmountable financial burden. DVDs for individual stories regularly cost anywhere between $15 and $40 (and some out-of-print DVDs could go for as much as $90 on Amazon or eBay). I started combing the local second-hand bookstores to find cheap used DVDs, but oddly, I rarely found any. What I did find were stacks of Target novels — $2 each, or three for $5, and suddenly I had a handful of stories previously out of my reach.

Even though the Classic stories are available for streaming again, I still love collecting and reading the Target novels. So when I heard they were reviving the imprint for novelizations of the modern series, I was ridiculously excited. Instead of waiting for the U.S. release date, my family ordered three of the novels for my birthday from Amazon UK: Rose by Russell T. Davies, The Christmas Invasion by Jenny Colgan, and Twice Upon a Time by Paul Cornell. I read them all in one weekend and then re-read them all again. Each is a delightful novelization that could entirely stand on its own and be appreciated by someone who has never seen its on-screen counterpart. But for those who have already seen the episode, each novelization brings a renewed and deeper appreciation for the on-screen story.

First up was Rose. It’s a hefty novelization that diverges fairly significantly from the on-screen story. The original story is there, to be sure, but Davies has slipped in a few more plot twists to keep even devoted re-watchers on their toes. He’s fully enjoying having absolutely zero time or monetary restrictions to build his new story — to be honest, I’m not even sure he was given a word-count limit. And yet, it never feels tiresome. There is genuine dread and horror at what the Nestene Consciousness is capable of. And even though the reader will likely already know which characters will live and die, there are enough new characters introduced to create a real sense of concern about whether your favorites will survive. 

Davies also goes on significant and lengthy digressions to explore the lives and inner thoughts of these characters. Surprisingly, it’s “Mickey the idiot” who comes out looking the best. Significant care is taken in Rose to explore Mickey’s life and how it influences his world view. He still has his flaws — he’s not the most attentive boyfriend, and he doesn’t react particularly well to the Doctor — but far greater qualities are revealed. Mickey is a man who has lived and suffered and lost most of the people he loved most, and yet all of those experiences have just made him kind. His life in the Powell Estates doesn’t feel stifling to him like it does to Rose, because to him it offers stability and the opportunity to make a new family. He opens his home to anyone who needs one, including three of his friends who don’t feel safe or welcomed in their homes.

Those three friends include a gay man, a trans woman, and another male character who doesn’t explicitly state his sexuality, but does take his first tentative steps towards a relationship with the other man after surviving the Auton attack. And Mickey welcomes them all with open arms. Davies could have left out several pages of additional material and rested on his laurels, and yet he went out of his way to add new characters to make this novelization explicitly, unapologetically queer. 

Next up was Colgan’s novelization of The Christmas Invasion. Personally, I think Colgan is one of the most quietly devastating writers working on Doctor Who right now. I rarely walk away from one of her books or Big Finish audios without feeling deeply upset about something she’s written (in the best way possible!). And The Christmas Invasion gives Colgan a lot of tragedy to work with. By the time that Harriet Jones orders the destruction of the Sycorax ship, you see a fuller impact of the invasion and how many lives were still lost despite the Doctor’s intervention, and the victory over the Sycorax seems even more hollow.

But Rose’s own personal tragedy is the focus here. It’s easy for those of us who have sat through regenerations multiple times to have our empathy for the companions dulled, and The Christmas Invasion is easier than most to mock. After all, the Doctor told Rose what was going to happen to him right before he regenerated. But Rose doesn’t just have to come to terms with what physically happens to the Doctor. She has to work through her own fears and insecurities about how their relationship will change, and whether she’s just permanently lost one of the most important people in her life. It’s another form of grieving, and Colgan handles Rose’s grief beautifully. 

But by far the most tragic scene was right at the end, when Rose leaves with the Doctor again and Jackie is left alone, desperately bustling around her empty apartment and creating as much noise as possible to hide her own sadness. Perhaps this just reflects my own guilt as a daughter who left her mother and travelled very, very far and doesn’t call nearly as often as she should, but damn, that hit me hard.

Finally, there was Cornell’s novelization of Twice Upon A Time. This was actually the first of the novelizations I read. The bittersweet joy of Peter Capaldi’s departure and the pure exhilaration of Jodie Whittaker’s arrival were still so fresh that I couldn’t wait to experience them all over again. And, oh, it was so good. I’m not exaggerating at all when I say I literally sobbed at the end of the book. But thankfully, Cornell kept me laughing all the way through.

Twice Upon A Time’s ending is a tear-jerker, but at its heart, this is a classic multi-Doctor story, full of humor and merciless mocking of each of the Doctors. Every single joke set up by Steven Moffat gets knocked out of the park by Paul Cornell. An anachronistic VHS becomes the Dalek’s missing Master Plan. An off-hand joke comparing the first Doctor to Merry Berry becomes an entirely new side-story about her friendship with the Third Doctor.

One of my greatest disappointments with the televised Twice Upon a Time was that Bill didn’t get a satisfying arc of her own. She existed largely to facilitate the plot, or to assist with the Doctor’s emotional labor towards his regeneration. But in his novelization, Cornell gives Bill the happy ending with Heather that she deserved, full of adventures and cats and love. 

But it’s the regeneration scene that keeps pulling me back to this book. The interior monologue that Cornell creates for the Twelfth Doctor as he decides whether or not to regenerate is so perfect for the moment. It reflects not only on Capaldi and Moffat’s tenure on the show, but also on the pivotal importance of the moment that’s about to come. This is a Doctor who feels trapped in a never-ending cycle, moving from battlefield to battlefield, gaining and losing friends along the way. And he’s doing it all from “basically the same model of body,” because he’s “one of those stuck-in-a-rut Time Lords.” He knows change is necessary, but doubts how much he’s really capable of.

The Doctor’s upcoming regeneration isn’t just a curiosity or a gimmick, it’s necessary, and vital, and a validation of the Twelfth Doctor’s decision to regenerate. The Thirteenth Doctor proves that change is possible, and that even the Doctor can still be surprised by something new and delightfully unexpected.

“Rose” by Russell T. Davies, “The Christmas Invasion” by Jenny T. Colgan, “The Day of the Doctor” by Steven Moffat, “Twice Upon a Time” by Paul Cornell, and “City of Death” by James Goss are currently available in the U.K. and will be released in the U.S. on June 19th. Or, if you’re impatient like me, you can order them through Amazon UK.

Gloria Steinem says black women have always been more feminist than white women

 WRITTEN BY Leah Fessler @LeahFessler  December 08, 2017

Gloria Steinem sets the record straight on black women's leadership. (Marla Aufmuth/Getty Images)

Gloria Steinem has been at the forefront of American feminism for a half century. But she’s never seen activism quite like today’s #MeToo movement.

“Clearly, at this moment in time we are gaining our voices in a way that has never happened before,” said Steinem, the co-founder of Ms.magazine and Women’s Media Center, at the Massachusetts Women’s Conference in Boston on Dec. 8.

Many women have found a sense of unity and purpose in #MeToo—a movement launched ten years ago by Tarana Burke, a black activist, and energized this year in the aftermath of sexual harassment and assault allegations against Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein. But while Steinem is heartened by this moment, she believes the quest for gender equality will not succeed if the mainstream movement ignores an essential reality: Black women have always been at the heart of feminist activism.

Speaking with American comedian and writer Phoebe Robinson, Steinem outlined the #MeToo movement’s blindspots, the importance of intersectional feminism, and how to continue dismantling sexual harassment and misogyny in the months and years to come.

Remember black women’s legacy

“We are kind of at a tidal wave point right now. But we need to remember that this all started over 40 years ago with defining the word sexual harassment,” Steinem told Robinson. In 1975, the term “sexual harassment” was coined by feminists at Cornell University. A few years later, feminist activist and lawyer Catharine MacKinnon developed the legal framework arguing that sexual harassment was a form of sex discrimination.

Then, Steinem continued, three black women filed successful sexual harassment lawsuits: two against the US government, filed by Paulette Barnes and Diane Williams, and one against a bank, filed by Mechelle Vinson. Vinson’s case, accusing her former supervisor of repeated harassment and rape, eventually led to the Supreme Court’s unanimous 1986 decision that sexual harassment was a violation of the Civil Rights Act.

“All three of these women were black. And these black women now symbolize the fact that [sexual harassment] is certainly is more likely to happen to people with less power in society than to people with more power,” said Steinem. She went on to note that law professor Anita Hill, also a black woman, brought sexual harassment to the forefront of public discourse with her 1991 testimony against then-Supreme Court nominee Clarence Thomas.

Yet more often than not, white feminism and mainstream American culture have overlooked the invaluable contributions of women of color. This injustice has led many, including Quartz’s Corinne Purtill, to rightfully charge that #MeToo hijacked black women’s work on race and gender equality.

Foreground intersectionality

“Women of color fought the battles that brought society to this point, where even the faint hope of change seems possible,” writes Purtill in Quartz. “To use that work without ensuring that this broken system is replaced with one inclusive of race, in addition to gender, is not partial victory. It’s complete failure.”

Steinem echoed the same message when Robinson asked whether today’s feminists fail to uphold the importance of intersectionality—a feminist theory introduced by civil rights advocate and law professor Kimberlé Crenshaw, also a black woman. Intersectional feminism examines the overlapping systems of oppression and discrimination that women face, based not just on gender, but on race, sexuality, socioeconomic status, physical ability, and other marginalized identities.

“The problem and what [many feminists today] are not saying,” said Steinem, “is that women of color in general—and especially black women—have always been more likely to be feminist than white women. And the problem I have with the idea that the women’s movement or the feminist movement is somehow a white thing is that it renders invisible the people who have always been there.”

If you don’t believe her, consult statistics, says Steinem: In the early 1970s, when Ms. Magazine published its first national poll, over 60% of black women said they supported the women’s movement and feminist issues. Just 30% of white women voiced support, says Steinem.

Things aren’t so different today, Steinem explained, pointing out that black women voted overwhelmingly for Hillary Clinton in the 2016 US presidential election, while a majority of white women voted for Trump. Steinem attributed part of the split to the way that married white women vote “in the interests of their husbands’ income and identity because that’s what they’re dependent on.”

Women of color, by contrast, are necessarily aware of systemic biases in their everyday lives; they are far more likely to actively oppose oppression. Said simply: We are not born sexist or racist. Rather, systemic racism and misogyny socializes us, in Steinem’s words, “to believe that we are ranked, when in fact we are linked.”

Raise our girls to be more like cats

Given the pervasiveness of sexism, sexual harassment, and misogyny, Steinem says we must actively shift the way we socialize young girls and women. Her solution: Raise them to be more like cats.

“Have you ever tried to touch a cat,” Steinem asked me, when I inquired how we should raise the next generation of feminists. I nodded, and she made a swatting motion with her hands. “Cats don’t let you touch them. Cats tell you what they’re going to do, and that’s that.”

What’s phenomenal, says Steinem, is that before children are fully socialized to fulfill traditional gender roles, they instinctively act like cats. “Babies are not born as ‘girls’ or ‘boys.’ Babies are born human, period,” Steinem explained. “And little kids say it so wonderfully when they say things like, ‘It’s not fair,’ and ‘You are not the boss of me.’ Those statements are the basis of every social justice movement. We need to hang on to that.”

Such cat-like instincts were quite literal for Steinem, who did not attend school much until she was 12 years old because her father moved frequently. Subsequently, she says, when someone attempted to kiss her on the cheek as a young girl, she literally bit him, breaking his skin and making him bleed.

But sustaining this attitude is nearly impossible when we constantly teach little girls to be pleasing. “We dress girls in dresses that button up the back, in clothes they can’t even dress themselves in. There’s so much training to be passive, and to wait for somebody else,” Steinem explained. “So we need to look for and demand internal changes in the way we act, and the way we treat our family and friends, in addition to demanding external changes.”

Fight for bodily integrity

The patriarchy will not tumble overnight. Steinem believes that many people still misunderstand what drives sexual harassment. “I think we still have not quite got it out there that sexual harassment and assault are about power, not sex,” she said. Understanding that sexual harassment is about the drive to dominate, humiliate, and demean other people can help provide clarity about what constitutes inappropriate behavior, especially for men who ask questions like, “Can we not hug women anymore?“

“The fact that our bodies belong to us, that’s the beginning of democracy in my view,” said Steinem. “Women have a harder time with democracy because we happen to have wombs, and patriarchy wants to control reproduction. And racial cast systems only make democracy harder for women of color. But the fact is for both men and women, our right to govern our own bodies, and use our own voices is fundamental to democracy. So if we can carry it forward in that way it’s very helpful.”

One of the most important ways to carry forward this bodily integrity, says Steinem, is to acknowledge that not everything is sexual harassment, and that we all are responsible for calling out behavior that feels inappropriate so to ensure lines do not blur.

“If a guy is commenting on our appearance in a flattering but uncomfortable way, if we comment back, they’re shocked, because we’ve taken the ability to define our boundaries and our desires,” said Steinem. “So we need to keep talking to each other—we can’t have men take this moment and say, ‘now I can never interact with women,’ or vice-versa.”

Activism doesn’t stop with social media

Among the many lessons to learn from black women’s leadership in the fight against sexual harassment, says Steinem, is that activism requires real-life, consequence-ridden work. Social media posts followed by complacency does not count.

“Obviously it’s a great gift to be able to communicate [on social media] and know you’re not alone. This is huge. But we also have to remember that pressing send isn’t actually doing anything,” said Steinem. “So we need to focus on the practical steps we take in the world. The obvious ones are how we spend our money, who we reward and who we don’t, and who we vote for.”

This is not to say that tweets and Facebook posts are meaningless. When it comes to real-life and social media activism, Steinem says it’s not an “either-or” situation, because activism is “an arc.” “Consciousness always comes first, before action,” she said. “And consciousness can come from typing #MeToo, and knowing that you’re not alone—knowing that the system is crazy, not you. It’s not about making a value judgment, it’s about seeing a full circle of consciousness, to activism, to change.”

Remember the simple rules of democracy

If you’re not exhausted by today’s political climate, Godspeed. For the rest of us, it’s okay to acknowledge that we’re overwhelmed, and probably craving hibernation, says Steinem. Waves of exhaustion and even hopelessness are inevitable in the fight for social justice, she assures.

However, to prevent ourselves from normalizing sexual harassment, we need to ground our activism in two fundamental values: intersectionality and democracy. Steinem explains:

“If you have more power, remember to listen as much as you talk. And if you have less power remember, to talk as much as you listen. That can be hard when you’re used to hiding. Keep yourself in the present, and don’t obsess over what you should be doing, or could have done differently. Talk to people, don’t get isolated, and remember to empathize, because almost everybody can be changed and transformed.”

https://qz.com/1150028

Violence Against Women in FOXFIRE

JILLIAN MCCONNELL

          In Joyce Carol Oates’ FOXFIRE Confessions of a Girl Gang, violence against women is seen as a major theme in the novel. FOXFIRE seeks revenge against men throughout the novel to rebel against the oppression of women. This is still relevant today and women are continued to be seen as a lower standard to men.  

           Oppression of women goes far back in our history as humans. Lori Heise states in her journal taken from Francis Power Cobbes’ book Dobash & Dobash, 1979, “as far back as 1878, Francis Power Cobb observed in his treatise, Wife torture in England, that the notion that a man’s wife is his property in the sense in which a horse is his property… is the fatal root of incalculable evil and misery” (Heise 280). Cobbe is stating here that women being property is the root to the oppression of women. He goes on to state in his book,

Under English common law, The wife came under the control of her husband and he had the legal right to use force against her in order to insure that she fulfilled her wifely obligations, which included the consummation of the marriage, cohabitation, maintenance of conjugal rights, sexual fidelity, and general obedience and respect for his wishes (Heise 280).

This common law shows that women were forced to do whatever a man wanted them to do. They had to abide by the rules of the man since they were his property. Women being seen as property gave them a lower class status to men, which made it more difficult for women in the later years to have a voice and be recognized as a person instead of property.  Relating this history to FOXFIRE, in the setting of the book, the 1950s, traditional gender roles were still in play. Women were meant to identify primarily as wives and mothers and to avoid work outside the home. However there was still a push for women to be in the workforce and many did leave the role of wife and mother to go and work outside the home. In FOXFIRE Confessions of a Girl Gang the roles of women are pictured in this way. At the end of the book when Rita decides to date a man and gets expelled from FOXFIRE, she eventually marries him and takes the role of the wife and mother. Instead of defeating all odds and standing up for women’s rights, she succumbs to the idea of a patriarchal family.

This idea of man controlling women and wives being submissive to their husbands has come into view in our society today. Some cultures see respect when it comes to physical chastisement of women. Heise states “generally, any transgression of a gender norm, such as disobeying a husband, failing to prepare meals on time, or sexual infidelity, is considered just cause for abuse” (Heise 281). This statement decleares the fact that if a woman in a relationship doesn’t conform to her partner’s rules, then she will be punished. The men in this scenario take great pride in showing off their control over their wives to the people of their culture. This example of pride over abusing women is seen in the news of today. Many of our news sources are filled with stories about a man in a hearing for beating his wife. There are many theories behind this behavior that Heise puts into perspective in her article stating “for husbands who are violent toward their female partners, only two developmental experiences have emerged as particularly predicative of future abuse: witnessing domestic violence as a child and experiencing physical or sexual abuse as a child” (Heise 267). The idea of witnessing or being a victim of domestic violence implies that the abuse is a learned behavior from former experiences in childhood. Women are a victim of this violence from the learned behavior of men. Just like in FOXFIRE Confessions of a Girl Gang, Legs’ dad who was described as being an abusive alcoholic father. Legs is a victim of this abusiveness towards women from her father. Even though the background of his life is not actually known, it can be implied from the book’s description that since the girls grew up in low socioeconomic families, most, if not all, of their parents might have come from an estranged background. That being said, the abusive nature of many of the male characters in the book could have been a learned trait of their own childhood.

Heise also states that “There is also considerable evidence that men raised in patriarchal families are more likely to become violent adults, to rape women acquaintances, and to batter their intimate partners than are men raised in more egalitarian homes” (Heise 270). That being said, it can be inferred that the families in FOXFIRE Confessions of a Girl Gang more than likely came from patriarchal families because of the known history of the 1950s. In the book a sexual aggression towards Maddy from her uncle Wimpy is seen when he asks for sexual favors in turn for the type writer he is selling her. That sexual aggression most likely came from growing up in a patriarchal family and thinking that he has power over her to do this to her. The history of oppression of women gives this idea of men being all powerful and women being submissive to them a backup to the novel.  

According to Christian Hansen-Knarhoi, who wrote about Joyce Carrol Oates and postmodern feminism, FOXFIRE “employs postmodern feminism notion of a ‘positive’ other, where women as a collective fight against the male-dominated society of the 1950s. Thus both use aspects of historical periods to show women breaking out of male oppression” (Hansen-Knarhoi 35). “FOXFIRE becomes a surrogate family where the girls are free from oppression and can forge their own identity” (Hansen-Knarhoi 75). The fact that 1950s Hammond, New York, is filled with violence towards women is seen throughout the novel and this small family formed to get away from the violence is a safe place for the girls. Maddys states in the book “FOXFIRE is a code for the other, and the other is a code for us” (Oates 40). This statement that Maddy writes confirms that their group is an outsider to the world around it. The definition of other is a word used to refer to a person or thing that is different or distinct from one already mentioned or known about. By definition FOXFIRE is this different group separated from the world. They are different because they don’t want to be a victim anymore to this oppression against women and they separate themselves from the world and fight back.

In the book Legs declares war on all men stating “It’s a state of undeclared war, them hating us, men hating us no matter what our age or who the hell we are” (Oates 97).  FOXFIRE’S first success as the “liberating powerful female other” is over Mr. Buttinger. They successfully humiliate him for his sexual harassment against Rita. There are many more successes in FOXFIRE’S revenge throughout the book. The ultimate indication of female oppression is revealed in the retarded dwarf women, Yetta and FOXFIRE fights back by burning down the farmhouse where she was imprisoned and abused. Hansen-Knarhoi writes in his article “thus again we see Joyce Carol Oates using the postmodern feminist notion of the ‘positive other’ to develop her feminist subtext: showing ‘woman’ as a group that is powerful and all encompassing” (Hansen-Knarhoi 84). The “positive other” in FOXFIRE’S sense is the fact that the women are challenging the male-dominated society against oppression utilizing female power.

The idea of female power relates back to our theme of postmodern feminism. Feminism in definition is the common goal to seek equality of the sexes. Throughout FOXFIRE’S time this theme is seen through the girls fight for oppression to end. They feel that they need to go out and actively do something to try and end this war of men hating women. Back in the 1950s not a lot of women had the will power to actively say something they felt was wrong since women were still seen as a lower standard to men. Maddy writes “it was a time of violence against girls and women, but we didn’t have the language to talk about it then” (Oates 100).  By the gang actively going out and fighting to end oppression, they were discovering that language that they couldn’t speak by using their actions. They did this in a non-secretive way to make sure everyone knew what was being said. They did however keep who had done it a secret. No one knew who FOXFIRE was, but they did know their message. This push for equality shows that the girls were rebels against this oppression. Their rebellion does come at a small price because they do get caught for their actions. However this doesn’t stop them and they change their goal from getting revenge on men to using their womanly status to their advantage.

By the novel’s end the girls have spiraled out of control. Their idea of war against men has changed into a need for money. Their final solution turns into a big mistake and the gang ends up dispersing and never heard from again. This event shows that even though we can fight for what we believe, we might not always come out victorious. The girls of FOXFIRE did gain power against men and they gained the knowledge that language can give them to act in their power.

Oppression of women is still seen in our society today. Even though there are many more opportunities for women in the work force, the idea of a woman having a man’s job is still joked about in our world. Many times a woman will not get hired for a job that usually would be a man’s job just because they think a woman wouldn’t be able to do it. There is also continuous abuse towards women in our world. It is heard all over the news of rapes and beatings of women by men. Some men think women are here as pleasure objects. This act is wrong and women should fight for their rights. Women should be allowed to have equal status to men and not have this distinction of being here for their amusement or enjoyment.

The fight to end oppression and violence against women is seen throughout FOXFIRE Confessions of a Girl Gang. FOXFIRE is the ‘other’ of the outside world. They rebel against the hatred towards them and come out victorious many times. In the end the world around them gets ahold of them and their fight ends. Still to this day women are fighting to end this violence and they will continue to fight until it is stopped.  FOXFIRE Confessions of a Girl Gang gives us women empowerment to go and fight for what we believe and never stop until we have what we want.

 Works Cited

Heise, Lori L. “Violence Against Women An Integrated, Ecological Framework .” Vol. 4, no. 3, June 1998,

Hansen-Knarhoi, C. (1994). Joyce Carol Oates as Postmodern Romantic : A Postmodern Feminist Critique of A Bloodsmoor Romance and Foxfire : Confessions of a Girl-Gang.

Oates, Joyce Carol. Foxfire: confessions of a girl gang. Penguin Books, 1993.

CMW2/Trumpetnista: Draftbook Drabble 40 (Follow up to #7- Canon Corrector AU, Defiance, Olivia, Mellie, mentions of Fitz, FTGIV and Karen, Cyrus, Verna, Hollis, strong happy Olitz, common sense and karma prevails, What the actual fuck is a Mellivia? Seriously, what?)

Words from the Gladiator in a Hoodie: All right, so with the whole “Mellivia” “friendship” and "feminist alliance means forgiveness no matter what because all men are the Devil so we ruined our own lives and blame all men, especially Fitz for our misery" idea that SR has been shoving down our throats and up our asses since 5B, I would like to write a fic where the truth about them is fully in play. 

If there was any true common sense left in SCANDAL’s writer’s room, not only would Liv & Fitz actually be happy solo and as Olitz, OLIVIA AND MELLIE WOULD NEVER, EVER, EV-ER BE BESTIES. They would be civil for the sake of the kids and for the sake of Fitz (at least Liv would be) but actual besties? Hell, no! 

Who the fuck actually becomes besties with a person who helped demean you and took advantage of you? What idiocy made that possible? Well, the almighty POWER and “feminism” made it possible and this...this fic and any other fic I write nowadays is a protest. 

More chapter updates are on the way and I’ll return to one of the other D.D. plot lines (most likely the first Trail AU I started in D.D. #1) soon. Enjoy the latest. Mad Love, Jam, and Power Drills,  ~*Trumpetnista*~

Disclaimer: “Honestly, it’s not mine!”

Excerpt from Draftbook Drabble #7...

"…this was the dramatic scene two nights ago outside the Martin Plaza Hotel where the Grant Campaign had set up base. Millicent 'Mellie' Grant nee Vaughn, Cyrus Beene, Verna Thornton, and well known oil tycoon Hollis Doyle were all arrested under charges of conspiracy to commit voter fraud in Defiance County, Ohio…"

"Cytron Electronics has removed the machines…complete redesign…"

"…Olivia Pope…infiltrated the ranks of the DC4 Conspirators and turned over approximately 185 hours of audio. Individual conversations, recorded phone conversations, and roundtable meeting were given to the AUSA, along with a 2 hour and 45 minute videotaped deposition…"

"…Governor Grant filing for divorce and full custody of the children…"

"…modern day Watergate…the Governor himself was not involved but he has issued a statement saying that he will be turning the position of California Governor over to Lt. Governor Andrew Nichols and that he is throwing his support to Sally Langston to represent the Republican Party against Samuel Reston in the upcoming election in November. He also implied that we may be seeing him on the Trail again in 2016…"

"…but why, though? Other than the illegality, why? Why would Olivia Pope put herself in danger of prosecution or being silenced by the others to get the footage? What was her personal motivation? What did she get out of it and just where in the world is Olivia Pope, now?"

"…disgraceful…utterly disgraceful…a slap in the face to all American voters…they should all rot..."

"…got a sista digging up the dirt and shuttin' all of those crooked bitches down…I love it! Go 'head, girl…"

"Mellie got 8 years. Hollis and Cyrus got 15. Verna also got 8 but apparently, the old broad's chock full of terminal lung and bone cancer so they'll probably put her in a hospice someplace after a year, if she makes it to a year, anyway."

"All's well that ends well. They're where they belong..."

"...you say that we betrayed Fitz and we did but you…I still can't believe you, Liv! You set all of us up! You stabbed us in the back, stabbed me in the back!"

"I was just following your life lesson, Cyrus. You drilled it into our heads in class that loyalty and ambition don't mix. You always said that it's good to have friends, even close friends but when the cards are down, you have to be prepared to cope with stabs to the back and you also have to be ready and willing with a knife of your own at all times. The last time we spoke, you said that we were with Fitz's camp to carve Judases and protect him. That's exactly what I did and I will not apologize to anyone for it, not even God. You, Hollis, Mellie, and Verna put yourselves in prison. You're sitting in front of me in that ugly orange jumpsuit, chained to this table because of you, not me..."

"...you're a whore! You were his mistress, his dirty little whore!"

"But unlike you, I'm not a convicted felon. Unlike you, I can leave here at any time and please get off of your high horse, you hypocritical cow. You didn't have a problem at all with anything going on between Fitz and I until you realized that the position your Daddy paid your way into was in serious jeopardy. I don't understand you. You had a good man. You had one of the best men that you could ever have and all you had to do to keep him was love him for him. That's all. And do you want to know what pisses me off about you the most? You could've been anything. Even if you and Fitz had never met, you could've been someone else's First Lady and a good one. You could've been a Representative, a Senator, a Chief of Staff…hell, with the right spin, you could've even been the first female President of the United States! You could've been anything! You should've been anything! You had opportunities, privilege, and potential all your life that many women would kill for just to have for a day! You could've done anything with your life but instead, you willingly got into a political merger, lowered yourself into being into an arranged, loveless marriage and for what? This? Was it worth it, Mellie? Was it? Answer me. You asked for this visit and you never shut up on The Trail. Don't be quiet now that you're the Belle of the Ball and Chain…"

"…you fucking bitch! How dare you?!"

"I dare because you let me, just like you let me take your husband. And I take bitch as a compliment nowadays. It's a badge of honor and you were right. I was bluffing just now. I know Karen is Fitz's but the Public…a rumor can get very out of hand very quickly and if you can conspire to steal a National Election, it's not too big a leap for people to think that you would screw his blood brother since Pre-K and pass the lovechild off as his to keep him under your thumb. Yes, I slept with Fitz while he was still married. I also fell in love with him and he loves me back. If that makes me a whore, if that makes him a whore, then so be it. We'll be happy and free whores together. But, Mellie? She who lives in glass houses should not be naked on her knees…and she who lives 24/7/365 in a 12x8 concrete cell should be a good little girl and pay her debt to society quietly so that she can have a shot of having a nice future far, far away from her ex-husband and the woman who really loves him after she gets out..."

"You did this when Cyrus got out. You picked him up."

"I did."

"And you went to Verna and Hollis' funerals."

"I did."

"Why?"

"I don't like leaving things unfinished."

"You say that but your ring finger still looks pretty unfinished, don't you think?"

"Fitz doesn't want to get married again until he's absolutely sure that he'd be a good husband. I have you to thank for that. There's a diner coming up. Do you want me to stop?"

"...sure."

After 8 years behind bars, Mellie Vaughn was a shadow of the woman Olivia Pope had met on the 2007 Trail. She had lost about 15 pounds, her skin was a near ghostly pale, and there were dark circles under the woman's bloodshot blue eyes. Instead of the designer ensembles she had become known for before being arrested, she was in a pair of jeans and a large black sweatshirt that was large enough to fit her ex-husband easily, along with prison issue sandals. Her dark mahogany hair was streaked with gray, thrown into a messy ponytail and she had on a pair of white horn-rimmed glasses. All of her worldly possessions fit in 2 bags and a shoebox, a very far cry from the luxurious lifestyle she had enjoyed as a politician's wife.

The biggest difference was in the other woman's body language.

Olivia would've never associated the word 'meek' with Mellie before everything went down but today? That was the best word to describe her, other than just bone tired. Even the venom she spat was weighed down with exhaustion. Getting to the diner, they settled into a back booth and soon, Mellie was devouring a bowl of chicken noodle soup. Olivia stuck with a mug of chamomile tea, having eaten before leaving for the prison. It was a very early Saturday morning, barely past dawn so the diner was basically deserted.

Hopefully, that wouldn't change before they got back on the road.

The last thing either one wanted to deal with was the Media...

"How...how are the kids?"

"They're doing just fine. Gerry's going into his 3rd year at Davis, 1st in his class. He's right on track to be a veterinarian. He wants to open his own practice, either in Santa Barbara or in Rutland to be closer to me and Fitz. He's not sure yet. "

"He's always loved animals. Him and Karen...how...how's she doing?"

"She's a Junior, 1st in her class. Harvard already sent her some information but she wants to go to Julliard. She's deep into musical theater, pit orchestra, choreography. She either wants to join a troupe or become a conductor. She'll probably conduct. She was a drum major for marching band this season and she loved it so...we'll see."

"...and Fitz? How's he doing?"

"He's still Professor G at Georgetown. He just got tenure and he'll have a spot on the director's board once winter semester starts up."

"He's happy?"

"Yeah."

"...good...I'm glad that he's happy."

"Are you really?"

Mellie chuckled bitterly and replied, "I don't have a choice but to be happy for him. It's not like I didn't do this to myself. Sure, you helped but...I was wrong. All of us were wrong. Fitz had what it took. We didn't need Defiance. Even if he lost, after 4 years of Langston's nonsense, he would've been seen as America's salvation and swept the 2012 Race. Reston...Reston wouldn't have gotten 2 Terms or even one."

"I tried to tell you guys."

"You did...the Great Olivia Pope knows all...god, we were so fucking stupid. All we had to do was just let things be but no... well, karma's a bitch, huh? I'm an ex-con and considered to be one of the biggest traitors to democracy. You and Fitz are one of America's great love stories. Verna's dead from like 10 types of cancer. Hollis made himself into a lovely chandelier before he did a year behind bars and last I heard, Cyrus is a... goat farmer in Oklahoma?"

"Alpacas and donkeys, actually. He's really good at it."

"Well, he's always been an ass."

Olivia laughed and Mellie's smile was genuine, sad but genuine.

"Daddy says that I can come home once I get the tether off of me after the halfway house . I'm surprised that he didn't disown me. Everyone kept telling him to but he didn't. He wrote me letters, sent me pictures, and made sure that my commissary account was always full."

"That's a good thing. You shouldn't be all alone."

"I shouldn't?"

"No, you really shouldn't."

"...this would be so much easier if you'd just be a bitch to me."

"Easier, maybe but not right. Regardless of the history between us, inside and outside of Fitz, you are Gerry and Karen's mom and they still love you very much, even though they're hurt. Being a bitch to you without just provocation would hurt them and Fitz and that is the last thing that I want to do."

"He's very lucky to have you."

"He is and I'm very lucky to have him."

"At least something good came from all of this shit...do they have fried chicken here? I have been jonesing for some fried chicken."

"Yeah, you want to split some?"

"...that would be great."

Thoughts on GoT S07E01

I’m a little late for this discussion, but since I decided to watch the show again I figured it would be nice to have my own notes here. 

For those who don’t know, I quit the show during season 5 (guess when). After that I’ve seen a couple of episodes here and there, a few loose scenes, but never actually watched the show regularly as I used to.

Until now.

For some reason I decided to watch it again. Maybe because it seems like one can’t escape the show these days, so I might as well watch it and form my own opinion about it.

Others have already expressed most of my feelings for this episode, but I’ll try my best not to be repetitive:

I confess I was a little nervous, like when you know you’re gonna see your ex in a party. In the end it was easier than expected, mostly because I barely felt anything. I wasn’t as angry as I expected to be, my eyes didn’t roll as hard as I expected them roll, but the big moments didn’t do much for me either. I always compliment the show’s direction, acting and setting, and indeed all of that was correct. But that’s it.

Arya

I’m not sure what to make of her? Several people poked holes on Arya’s contrived plan, so I won’t go there. I wanna question D&D’s goal with her in terms of themes/characterization (I know, I know). 

They paralleled Arya’s massacre with the Red Wedding itself, so are we supposed to assume it was a bad action? Mind you, in the books is Lady Stoneheart who is killing Frey by Frey and might be responsible for an upcoming Red Wedding 2.0, but LSH is hardly a character we’re supposed to root for. Arya also compares herself to a wolf and the Frey to sheep, but sheep are nice and fluffy, so more points to Arya Did a Bad Thing. Yet they ended the scene with triumphant music and an Empowered Smirk™, so what? Am I supposed to root for her? Am I supposed to think she did something awful?

The ‘Ed Sheeran and the Nice Lannisters’ scene makes this all the more confusing. It wasn’t a bad scene, though the Lannister soldiers were perhaps too nice (oh, the ever-changing patriarchy of show!Westeros, where the setting is oppressive or friendly to women depending on the needs of the plot), and that music was very much out-of-context. I’m surprised Arya didn’t say she was going “wherever whores go”.

Before I forget: is 'killing the men, sparing the women' D&D’s version of feminism? But why would Arya do that, really? Do we have any indication that no woman took part in the Red Wedding? That no woman could seek revenge against her just as she did with the Freys? This is the kind of stuff that earns D&D the title of faux-feminists, especially when even Arya’s way of preventing the child bride from drinking wine was quite misogynist.

Bran vs Evil Dead

How did Bran acquire his powers? He now has visions without weirwoods or ravens or anything, he simply ~knows~ stuff about Edd... But when/how did he learned all that stuff? He got a power upgrade simply because Bloodraven died? He says he’s the Three-eyed Raven now, but what does that mean, exactly?

My issue are not the powers themselves, because I do believe book!Bran will boldly go where no greenseer has gone before, but how those powers are suddenly more impressive than what we got last season. I didn’t watch the season properly so maybe this was explained.

Is it too much to hope that Edd (or anyone, really) is gonna send a raven to Winterfell saying that Ned’s legitimate son is alive?

The other Starks

I gotta say this is my least favorite plot, maybe because book!Jon and book!Sansa are among my favorite characters of anything ever, but here we have two stupid, jerk people who fail at basic communication because the writers don’t know how else to write conflict.

Sansa raises valid points, but the place to raise them was pre meeting and not during the meeting. And I can see no reason why she and Jon couldn’t have sit down to discuss their common strategy before this gathering, but this isn’t the first time the writers use lack of previous communication as a source of conflict for the Stark siblings.

Much like the Kingsmoot or smallfolk everywhere, crowds in the show are there just to fill a room, but they have no opinion and no influence. They just cheer for whoever is talking.

I’m already done with Lyanna Mormont, but she’s one of D&D’s pet characters. Faux-feminism strikes again in her speech: teaching girls how to fight too is actually super important in this moment, but this point could be delivered without diminishing the importance of knitting. It’s winter, knitting is more useful than ever. But hey, knitting is usually associated with ~girly things~ and D&D like to show how Empowered™ their female characters are by having them dismiss typically female activities, so there you have it. It’s not the first time something like this happens, so I have no reason to believe it will be the last.

I love Alys Karstark in the books, yet here I felt nothing. Who is Alys Karstark in the show? Why is that moment supposed to be meaningful? The Northern theatre was so confusing over the last two seasons that I can barely keep track of who was an ally and who wasn’t, and mostly I wasn’t invited to care.

Much like Alys, Jon’s struggles with leadership also belong in his tenure as Lord Commander. We see Sansa complimenting his skills, but we don’t see any actual demonstration that Jon is a capable leader. You know what, book!Jon was ten times the leader show!Jon is, but book!Jon paid for his blind spots and struggled with the job because the job is hard. Show!Jon is incompetent at best, but keeps being rewarded because we’re told he is a good character, so he must obviously be a good leader. Remember GRRM’s remark about Tolkien and good kings? D&D are writing the exact kind of fantasy story that GRRM criticizes in his books. Oh the irony, it hurts.

“When I was Lord Commander I executed men who betrayed me”. Well, technically you had already died and resurrected, so you were no longer Lord Commander and only a common murderer. But if you were still LC, then it means death didn’t release you from your vows, so you’re now LC or a deserter and have no business being King in the North. You can’t have both, but D&D want both so let’s have it. Nobody questions this because of reasons.

Speaking of D&D trying to have it both ways, I’m always a fan of Sansa burning Littlefinger, but the effect is undermined when in the very next scene she says how much she depends on him. They need the Vale men, very well, but I can’t see why they wouldn’t at least try to use Lysa’s murder or the Bolton Marriage Plan against LF. And, you know, preventing the icepocalypse is in the Vale men’s best interests too, so it’s not like they’ll just go home.

Repeat after me, children: Ned and Robb weren’t stupid. They made mistakes, yes, but everybody in this series makes mistakes. Those mistakes didn’t cause their deaths, no more than being backstabbed means you threw your back against someone else’s knife. Honor isn’t a mistake, kindness isn’t a mistake. Compare Ned’s legacy vs Tywin’s legacy and you’ll know that. Book legacy, that is.

Jon is a bit of a jerk during this episode and I can’t see why he would think Sansa admires Cersei… and then Sansa is silent and admits Cersei taught her a lot. I give up. No, wait, I remembered that famous Sansa book quote, if I’m ever queen I’m gonna bomb all my enemies.

The Lannisters… and Euron?

Speaking of Lannisters, I fail to see how Cersei is still queen. She has no claim, she has no army to force her presence in the Throne for much longer, and she just bombed the Vatican with everybody’s favorite pope plus Princess Diana inside. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not an angry mob because that would require D&D to remember that smallfolk are a thing and exists.

How does Cersei knows everything she does, from Tyrion being promoted Hand to Jaime releasing his brother? Does she read the scripts too?

‘A dynasty for us’ is my new pick up line. Hey baby, I want to build a dynasty just for us.

‘Do you think I listened to father for 40 years and learned nothing?’ Well, D&D listened to GRRM for five books plus several meetings and learned nothing, so it’s not impossible.

Everybody already made all the good jokes about Euron’s rockstar look, I knew I should have watched the episode the night it aired!

The Brotherhood without Stoneheart

Probably the moment that worked best? Kind of undermined by Sandor’s lust for violence last season, but hey, I’ll take what I get. To be honest I didn’t remember anything about the father/daughter, so this undermined the scene a little bit too. It’s amazing that D&D expect us to remember those two, but Tysha? Naaaah who’s Tysha man nobody is gonna remember that better pretend she didn’t exist.

Two more nitpicks that are not actually that nitpicky. One: that fire vision came super easy and super straightforward for Sandor. Why? Can anyone do that? It makes Melisandre look an idiot.

Two: death doesn’t affect Beric that much, as it didn’t affect Jon. I mean, what’s a little dying, right?

Sam Potter

Fun fact: I had to interrupt this episode because my dinner was ready… and I interrupted right before the Oldtown montage, so I had the benefit of watching all that shit and food and shit being associated with food with a belly full of actual food. Yay! Having Sam perform humble tasks while in Oldtown is a good concept, but this was deliberately meant to be gross. Why? We just don’t know. Happy shitting!

How many episodes Sam wasted in learning what Stannis had already told him ages ago?

Hey, refresh my memory: what was Gilly’s arc over the last four seasons?

Creepy Jorah is still creepy and still being framed as romantic. Great.

Daenerys

I honestly expected this would be my favorite moment this episode. The show is always good with visually impressive moments, and the scenery and sountrack do help. It was indeed a nice scene, but that was it.

‘Home’ is a very dear concept to book!Dany - whether this ‘home’ means Westeros, the house with a red door, etc is another issue, but this has been a major motivation for her during her journey. Show!Dany’s journey was more erratic, so the moment lost a bit of its emotional significance.

Who is show!Dany? What was her arc? What has she learned? How is she any more prepared to rule Westeros than ADWD!Dany? What does she want? To rule Westeros, but why? How? What do her supporters want? Missandei and Grey Worm just want to follow their white savior, but what’s in it for Tyrion or Dorne or Olenna? They’re just supporting her because they hate the other candidate more?

(wait, I take that back, that actually happens a lot)

It’s still a pretty scene, but eh. I legit thought I would be more excited to see this. And I agree with everyone that pointed this would be better as the ending of a season than the ending of a first episode.

Also let’s trash Stannis, because why not, right?

Extra comments

Gee, look at all that foreshadowing about the Wall falling, I wonder if something bad is gonna happen soon.

Now that they got rid of the direwolves, can’t they use the extra budget to pay for better wigs? Sophie Turner’s was especially bad, but Emilia Clarke’s wasn’t that great either.

Lol what’s with the black battle dresses and shoulder pads. That looks so silly and anachronistic. I usually like the show’s costume choices (ignoring all their reasoning for it in-universe, that is), but those outfits are just ugly.

I really, really don’t like the design for the Night’s King. Too artificial, too Power Rangers villain. And ah, it’s so D&D to center the threat of the Others in one single dude.

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See you next week, y’all!

In honor of the100th episode of Supernatural Misha has worked on (He’s worked on 100, only acted in 99 though) - I decided to share with you guys, 100 reasons that I love @mishacollins as a sort of tribute/celebration to him. He’s done so much to change my life and I just wanted to put my love for him out into the universe. I also made this into a twitter thread which can be found HERE.

1.) He gives me strength to get up and get through my day whether he knows it or not. 2.) He cares about his fans & constantly strives to show just how much. 3.) He cares about minorities that the struggles we face daily. 4.) He cares about the LGBTQ+ community & has gone to far length to prove just how much. 5.) He cares about mental health & the issues that affect those of us who suffer because of our MH issues. 6.) He cares about disadvantaged youths and wants to give them an equal playing field (Free high school, etc) 7.) He cares about disadvantaged groups in general & proves it daily through his work with Random Acts. 8.) He cares about lonely Senior citizens & tried to brighten an otherwise lonely day for them (Valentines Day). 9.) He funded Random Acts - a registered 501(c)(3) charity on his own because he's the change he wants to see. 10.) He constantly runs charity events throughout RA & gets his fans excited to donate & put good out into the world. 11.) He runs GISHWHES - the biggest scavenger hunt in the world and most of proceeds from that go to charity too. 12.) His scavenger hunt often encourages others to commit random acts of charity towards strangers. 13.) He cares about the state of our country and how the political turmoil affects the everyday citizen. 14.) He is extremely invested in politics and is not afraid to speak his voice on things that offend him. 15.) He fights for the people. Not just his people, or my people - but all people. 16.) When he makes mistakes, he owns up to them and apologizes even when he doesn't have to. 17.) He is active on social media and gives us (his fans) peeks into his daily life, which he knows we always want more of. 18.) He is a general friendly person who goes out of his way to be an angel to everyone he meets. 19.) The money from his Castiel photo ops at conventions goes to charity. 20.) Growing up, he experienced the struggle of poverty & goes out of his way to level the playing field for others in that situation. 21.) He's EXTREMELY humble about his accomplishments and doesn't brag about his good deeds. 22.) To date, he's still shocked and made to blush when fans express how he has changed their lives. 23.) He wears safety pins when he can, to let people know he is an ally and will protect people who need protection. 24.) He's a published poet and has a way with words that speaks to millions. 25.) He is EXTREMELY intelligent and uses his ideas and intelligence for nothing but GOOD. 26.) He is an amazingly talented actor & with that talent has become one of the most loved characters on Supernatural. 27.) He plays himself on Supernatural (an angel) 28.) He engages his fans, even going as far as answering questions other actors refuse to. 29.) He's selflessly shared extremely personal stories of his struggle at conventions in front of large crowds. 30.) He supports intersectional feminism. 31.) He supports nasty women and acknowledges the world needs us and has talked publicly about it 32.) Even though shippers are historically snubbed in the SPN fandom, he gives us a voice. 33.) He's gone as far as to physically "Ship" Destiel and that warms the cockles of my heart. 34.) He married his high school sweetheart. 35.) His relationship with his wife is absolutely beautiful and a goal for anyone with a significant other. 36.) The love he has for his wife is visible whenever he talks about her, he softens up and smiles. 37.) He supports his wife's business endeavors no matter what they may be & defends her accomplishments. 38.) He & Vicki renewed their vows dressed in drag at an Albertsons and that in itself is amazing. 39.) He takes the time to maintain his beautiful marriage & goes on spiritual retreats with his wife. 40.) His family in itself is pure and goals for anyone with a family. 41.) He's a busy man but still takes time to be a great father to his kids and it shows. 42.) He gives us access to his time with his kids sometimes and it never fails to put a smile on my face. 43.) He brings his kids to conventions sometimes and it's adorable - there's NOBODY who doesn't love it when he does that. 44.) There are tons of instances where he has been seen comforting distressed fans on his own free will. 45.) He encourages fans to say hi to him if we see him out and about. 46.) He takes fans out to do fun things during his meet n greets, something which no other actor does. 47.) He has publicly stated he appreciates fanworks whether it be art, fanfic, crafts etc. 48.) He built his own house, proving he loves to see the fruits of his effort. 49.) He built most of the furniture in his house further proving he's a hard worker. 50.) He interned at the White House during the Clinton administration 51.) He made the engagement ring he proposed to Vicki with. 52.) He invited fans to join him during his bike ride for E4K this year. 53.) He teaches his kids about healthy eating while teaching them HOW to cook. 54.) He ran over 50 miles for charity & anyone who's ever even ran 1 mile knows how brutal that must have been. 55.) In 2011, he was named TV’s “Best Non-Human” by TV Guide which proves he's actually an angel. 56.) His smile is singlehandedly the most beautifully infectious smile I have ever laid eyes upon. 57.) He looks good in literally anything. 58.) When I'm feeling crappy about life, I just look at pictures of him and I instantly feel better. 59.) His charity is in partnership with a crisis support group that has helped thousands of people like me during hard times. 60.) He's not afraid to be emotional publicly and has even publicly cried before over issues that matter to him. 61.) His hard work and dedication inspire me to want to reach MY own goals. 62.) Seeing everything he's accomplished makes me not want to give up. 63.) His sense of humor is brilliant and truly funny. 64.) He's not afraid to make himself the butt of a joke and that kind of humor is extremely attractive. 65.) His humility (that I touched on earlier) transcends into everything he does whether it be his job, family or charity. 66.) He directly helps his fans - ex of which can be helping w/homework, sending them autograph replacements etc. 67.) He has posted his phone number publicly with the sole purpose to have conversations with fans. 68.) He truly regrets working on a movie about sexual assault & openly discourages people from watching it so we don't get triggered. 69.) He steps out of his comfort zone sometimes to face issues in the fandom that no other actor wants to. 70.) He takes the time away from his family to come to conventions for his fans even when he's extremely tired. 71.) His smile lights up any room. 72.) He very clearly says "fuck you" to gender norms & constantly does things like paint his nails. 73.) He encourages people to vote, even if it's not for his candidate. 74.) He acknowledges the importance of white people being allies to minorities. 75.) He is extremely humble about his incredible good looks. 76.) He takes the winning gishwhes team on a vacation with him every year. 77.) He has been known to talk about very personal issues that resonate with fans during his meet n greets. 78.) He is nice to literally everyone (I'm serious, even to the people he dislikes: note, trump) 79.) This is kind of unrelated toa lot of the other reasons but he's THICC HAVE YOU SEEN HIS THIGHS? wow. 80.) He's an anchor for a lot of people who constantly struggle with depression (such as myself) and he guides us back to a good state of mind. 81.) He's interested in the environment and he proved that during E4K this yr by bringing a geologist to talk to us about the terrain. 82.) His interactive gishwhes competitions inspire people to think outside the box. 83.) He's simply beautiful like have you SEEN a picture of him? 84.) Everything he does is to better this world and community. 85.) He is the purest person I have ever come across in my life and I've come across quite a few people. 86.) His smiles are always genuine, you can tell by the way his eyes crinkle. 87.) He has struggled so much in his life and even then, came out successful. He is GOALS for all of us. 88.) He understands the reality behind a lot of these online "challenges" such as the ALS challenge & truly cares about the causes. 89.) He is extremely work oriented and has been known to stay on set way beyond what he was supposed to to film & perfect his scenes. 90.) His voice is pretty much the single most incredibly beautiful thing I have ever been graced with the opportunity to hear. 91.) He cares about orphans, refugees & homelessness. 92.) I truly believe that he loves each and every single one of his fans. 93.) He's an imaginative goofball & that shows through with the items he has for gishwhes every year. 94.) He was the best thing to ever happen to me. 95.) This man is the epitome is what one should strive to be when it comes to their attitude, life & personality 96.) Whenever there's a tragedy in a foreign country, he tries to tweet his support in their native language. 97.) He continually shows he cares about the fans that go through struggles and need support. 98.) When I first found out about his past, I promised myself I'd stop self injuring & make something out of my life. I am now clean of self injury and have been for a while. 99.) He unknowingly helped save me from one of the worst depressive periods of my 26 yr old life where everything seemed bleak & hopeless. 100.) His love for life saved MY life when I was hellbent on ending it last year and I will be eternally grateful to him for that.

So yeah, if you ever want to even begin to question my love for Misha Collins- don’t. I will love him fiercely until my dying breath.

Congrats on the milestone, Misha. We love you.