#motivation for myself since i’ve been doubting myself a lot lately
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she’s an angel. she’s clean and she smells good. she always dresses cute and her lips r always glossy. she radiates angelic energy and attracts only lovely things. she has long, pampering morning and night routines. she works out everyday, eats healthy, and always makes sure she gets enough sleep. she does her skincare every morning and night. she’s sweet and charming and shows respect to everyone, while at the same time only allowing a sacred few to bask in her heavenly vibes. she is witty and intellectual, and always learning. she sees the good in everything. she stands up for what she believes in. her number one goal is to become the best version of herself. and of course, she knows that she is destined for happiness and success. ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚
#motivation for myself since i’ve been doubting myself a lot lately#archive ໒꒱ ⋆ﾟ⊹#that girl#becoming that girl#it girl#dream girl#pink pilates princess#pink pilates girl#high value mindset#high value heaux#high value woman#divine feminine energy#divine feminine#female success
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i’m pretty and i’m enough
#motivation#motivation for myself since i’ve been doubting myself a lot lately#reminders#it girl#2000s model#victorias secret#beautiful#beauty#natural#vs angels#angelic#lana del slay#lana del bae#taylornation#1989taylorswift#i love being a girl#ily <3
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20 questions for fic writers 📝✨
Thank you for tagging me, @bittersweetresilience! I love talking about myself. I’m my own favourite subject.
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
As of now, 13! I’m keeping a couple in store as they were written for specific events.
2. What's your total AO3 word count?
62,992 let’s GO
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Miraculous Ladybug and Professor Layton! I should really get working on the latter again…
4. What are your Top 5 fics by kudos?
@paracosmicat look at our babies. They’re doing so well 💜💚
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
I do!!! I love exchanging with readers, especially since our little fandom niche is so comfy and warm. If you’ve ever left me a kind comment or a bunch of happy emojis, please know you made my day! 💖
6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
WELL THEY ALL GET HAPPY ENDINGS
Clive isn’t doing too hot in The Lucky Ones right now, but it’s a WIP so he’ll get there. Eventually.
As for my finished fics, probably Everything I did (I did for you) pre-epilogue? I consider it to be a happy resolution, but Adrien is crying pretty hard.
7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
WELL THEY ALL GET HAPPY ENDINGS — Oh wait. I already mentioned that, didn’t I.
The fluffiest one (so far) is probably Avant-première!
8. Do you get hate on fics?
Nope! People have been wonderful overall. 💖
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
Oh oh, my friends. I wouldn’t even know where to start. I am a little ace dove who gets a critical case of boredom whenever movies feel the need to feature a smutty scene.
Nothing wrong with the genre itself, of course — it’s just not my cup of tea!
10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?
@dragongutsixofficial have discussed many crossovers over the years! Maybe one day I will commit one to paper. 🌍
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Nope! Hopefully this doesn’t change.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
Nope, but that would be a good exercise! Writing in my first language (🇫🇷) actually puts a bigger pressure on my shoulders.
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
ABSOLUTELY AND HERE ARE THE GOODS:
Shadow Strike with @paracosmicat
Unmasked with @paracosmicat
ephialtes / reverie with the Anarchist Gang Server (🎶 all of you, all of youuu 🎶)
14. What's your all-time favorite ship?
🎶 In canon they have never met 🎶
Special mention to Feligami, because. Duh.
15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?
LISTEN I WILL FINISH IT I JUST NEED TO FOLLOW THE BRAINWORMS WHERE THEY TAKE ME
But right now it’s probably The Lucky Ones, my role swap AU for Professor Layton. I’ve been working on it since 2019 and I know where I’m going with it — it’s just taking a while to actually get there, y’know?
16. What are your writing strengths?
Well I’m very good at making myself cry. Which hopefully means the feelings are getting across to my lovely readers too.
I do have extensive experience on writing redeemed villains struggling to build back bridges with the people they love. 12 years of obsessing over a fictional terrorist will do that to you.
Technically speaking, though, I think I’ve gotten great at deleting bits of dialogue and description I don’t need to keep only the essentials! It makes my writing lighter, while also encouraging readers to explore the metaphors for themselves.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
I am paiiinfully slow and lose motivation easily when writing longer fics (see: The Lucky Ones). Shadow Strike is the exception to the rule, and what a wonderful exception it is. 💜💚
One-shots are the format for me, but I’ve been enjoying two and three-parters a lot lately!
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
I don’t think I’ve had to do it before (except for the occasional nickname or curse word), but I’d probably be able to!
19. First fandom you wrote for?
Probably Professor Layton or Pokémon Black and White! I got into these when I was 13. Dragon Quest IX came a little bit earlier, but it took a while to finish, so my one big fic for it must have been around the same time.
20. Favourite fic you've ever written?
How could you make me choose (Shadow Strike)
How dare you even suggest I might like some of my babies more than the others (Shadow Strike)
Preposterous. I could never pick just one —
SHADOW STRIKE
Hmm. Yes. It is Shadow Strike indeed. @paracosmicat and I have so much fun working together and we get to be as self-indulgent as our hearts desire. Truly our masterpiece. 💜💚
From a technical perspective, I think Everything I did (I did for you) is my best work so far! I’m very proud of the metaphors carefully woven into this one. Photosynthèse was a nice training!
Everything I write for Feligami fixes something in my brain chemistry, and La nuit, tous les chats sont gris just. Makes me so happy. For so many reasons.
Tagging @dragongutsixofficial, @paracosmicat and anyone who would like to participate! 💖📝
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Omg !! Thank you thank you thank you!! For answering! You are such an Angel!😭🩷🩷! When I ask most girls, they don’t reply 😭! So thank you so much!
I have an okay butt! But only due to genetics too🥲(thank you family 🫶🏾) ! But lately, it’s been looking a little less firm. So I’ve been working out since august of last year! And finally! I’m seeing some progress! Barely you know. It’s taken me on such a roller coaster of emotions and self doubt if I should even go to the gym 😭 but thank goodness I did not give up! I’ve been waking up at 5 am to go!! Changing my eating habits, and eating less processed foods/ incorporating a bit of protein! And it’s finally paying off 😭!
So! When I stumbled upon your blog and absolutely wow! You are beyond inspiring! You are so pretty!😭🩷. (Please I’m not a creep, I swear they’re compliments 😭) like your cake is so firm and perky, and lifted! And the shape is just wow! Like my mouth dropped when I saw your pictures! You are so so beautiful! ✨.
My upper body isn’t the best either 😅🥲. But i prioritize it just because I have too😭. But I’ll incorporate more of the hip abduction/adduction, and hyperextension!! I usually avoid those because I’m so shy to use the machines 😭😂. Like I usually grab my weights and bar and go into a little corner of a room! But I’ll give them a try!💪🏼.
Same here I don’t have a fixed workout plan either! And you are absolutely so right about not seeing how far we’ve come with seeing what our body can endure. Or do workouts that used to be difficult at the beginning, but know they’ve become easier🩷 Like it just made sense to me, that I’ve been working out since august of 2023! And barely this month is where I have felt at my happiest and lightest emotionally. My body can finally keep up 😭. My body is looking different and I love how I’m changing physically 🥹.
But thank you so much for answering my ask! It means so much to me! I’m so sorry I’m like spilling my emotions here 😅. It just means a lot. And you are absolutely so nice and sweet and you look good!😁🩷
By any chance,(sorry to bother 🥲) would you mind sharing what your protein intake? 🩷 is it mostly through foods, or are you also taking a specific protein powder? 😯
No worries! I'm happy to help in any way I can 🤗
Congrats on those 8 months going to the gym!!!!!!!!!!🎉🎉🎉 You should be proud of yourself for sticking with it 😊😊😊 I'm a newbie too, I've started going to the gym on September 23' 💪
I know it's hard to keep going because I felt so anxious and dumb and out of place at the beginning of this journey 🫣 so I'm happy for you and myself haha creating a habit is difficult!!!!!! 😤
I'm glad you are finally seeing progress and it's a big part of staying motivated to keep working out and eat more home cooked meals and all the healthy stuff we try to do even if we don't succeed all the time 😂
Thank you for the compliments I appreciate them 💖
Today I did some upper body workout and ugh 😩 it's always like 'am I doing enough?' because I don't feel that strong haha my goal is to do pull ups one day 🙌🙌🙌🙌
You should try those exercises, I know I'm shy too and sometimes I don't want to be in front of everyone but I suck it up and do it and to be honest I've been saying to myself that I'll try squats on the Smith machine for ages and I haven't had the courage to do it yet just to not make a fool of myself 🫣🥲 so I get it
About the protein intake I couldn't tell because the only thing I do is to be more mindful of what I eat and I try to eat a good amount of protein with every meal. But yes, I use protein powder too, sometimes I have a protein shake with some fruit or baked oats with the protein powder or with yogurt but mostly when I think that I haven't eaten that much protein or if I have had workout that day. What I've been told is that if you're trying to gain muscle you should eat around 2 grams per kilo of protein depending on your weight 🤓
(I take myprotein whey powder)
Thank you for sharing your gym story with me ☺️
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I should’ve done this before but better late than never. Here’s a list of upcoming essays I plan on doing this year.
Warriors Part Four and Five: Four shouldn’t take too long but five… we’ll see.
A relatively short post about Warriors cover artists: This one may come out before part five since it shouldn’t take long at all. No rereading and quote searching for this one.
Amygdala Addendum: The big one. I know a lot of yall are waiting for this and trust me, it will be out this year. Tbh, I find Amygdala unpleasant. It’s not fun to rip on like Fourth Wing or Warriors. It’s just pretentious, long, and boring. But there’s a lot of writing lessons to be learned from it. The addendum is very long already but I realized recently that I need to re-read the book in order to provide a more accurate and thorough analysis so… it’s gonna take a bit
Wereworld 6: War of the Werelords: The review for the final book of Wereworld shouldn’t take long at all. The Wereworld reviews are nice pallet cleansers from the hell I put myself through.
Bendy and the Ink Machine: Last year, on a whim, I played the Bendy games and had a blast. I really like the story and I want to talk about it. This one is already partially done. I already completed my analysis of both games. I already read the books Dreams Come to Life and The Lost Ones. All I have to do now is read Fade to Black (which came out whilst I was writing the post lol) and write the reviews for the books. When the new Bendy game comes out, I’ll talk about that in a different post (if I have anything to say about it).
The Dragons of Requiem series MEGA review: The next big project is about a book series no one cares about written by an indie author no one has heard of. Daniel Arenson is an author I’ve been fascinated by for years now. I’ve always wanted to do a trilogy by trilogy breakdown of his work, similar to how I’m doing the Warriors series. But unlike Warriors, I absolutely hate the Requiem series. They’re bad. Not Fourth Wing bad, but bad nonetheless. They’re fascinatingly bad and I have a lot to say. Part one of this may be out near the end of the year.
Beastars part two: Okay so this one will take a LONG time to get out. I highly doubt it will be out this year at all. It most definitely won’t be out before season three of the anime lol. Arc two is my favorite arc in the series and I want to do it justice. So yeah don’t expect this one anytime soon.
Oh and Onyx Storm: When the book comes out, I’ll do a review when I can get my hands on a library copy. Like hell I’m giving Yarros money.
My reviews/essays/ramblings are very long as you know so it takes a lot of time for me to get through them. Plus I’m working on a novel which is a bigger priority. And my depression came back so that also slows down the process. Regardless, this is the plan. I’m glad people enjoy my unhinged ramblings. It’s motivating :)
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hey charity :) congrats on your retirement. it’s been great checking in from time to time. if anyone ever doubts an se-dom’s ability to tackle difficult subjects, just wanted to share that i’ve stuck with my low-ni career plans and am currently halfway done with veterinary school. well on my way to being the wildlife vet i envisioned myself to be, even on the bad days. even at 30, but i’m certainly an oddball in this program. i’m the one of very few people i’ve met that doesn’t seem to care about grades at all, and i’ve been coping with the miserable lifestyle through lots of skateboarding, music, and rock climbing. just staying as physically active and engaged with the present as possible, and cutting class to visit wildlife vets in the region to remind myself why i’m here.
i tend to not think about mbti/enneagram much these days, but i had a couple lingering questions. please redact anything if you think it’s too personal.
i’m not sure i’ll ever settle on my enneagram type; really i’ve been between 6 or 7 for years, what with the massive fear of commitment, which has always felt very 7-ish, to the point of abandoning people/relationships etc, massive fear of being trapped. but i seem to lack optimism; and then there’s the growing fear of living in my mentor’s shadow when i’m through with school, but also knowing that i need to learn from her in this field - this push/pull approach feels very 6-ish and wanted to confirm it. i have a protective streak that i’ve always associated with 8 in my tritype, and an intense sense of being ‘different’ that my mom says i’ve clung to since toddlerhood which i associate with 4. and i was about ready to say, okay, 684 so/sp and close that chapter for good.
but earlier today - i had a reaction to something that struck me as almost 1-ish, and i wanted to get your thoughts on it. [...] so, i spent some time reading your enneagram page today, and the more i read about 1, the more i cringed. i’m attributing it to a cornered fi-te, but i’m also wondering if maybe i’m wrong about the 8-fix and if that could be a 1-fix? i would not say i suppress my anger at all. but, most of my anger is directed at justice. like when i was a scrappy little kid, i usually would only fight if i was cornered and needed to stand up for myself, or to protect another person. though i would challenge the boys, i guess, to fight if i felt like i needed to prove myself about something. and while i no longer physically get into fights, i verbally do, if i have to. ie, i believe in being confrontational and direct to solve problems; and while i complain a lot about systems that i perceive as broken, i also do what i can to try and change them.
a suppressed inner critic? yes. and it’s true that nothing ever is quite perfect to me - i see flaws in most things. but i also wouldn’t want things to be perfect. there’s beauty in the mess. but. i’m my own moral authority. and if i don’t listen to my conscience - i pay the price. can’t sleep. nightmares, etc. i certainly resent myself for holding myself to those standards. it’s exhausting. the rest of the world doesn’t have to follow my code though (unless i’m wrapped into a situation, like this morning). and i wouldn’t even necessarily want them to - it’s just me.
so then i don’t know that 1 makes sense for esfp. or if what i’m seeing really isn’t 1 at all. which brings me back here once again. given the rigor of any medical program, i suspect i’ve been looping se-te a lot lately, and i guess fi popping up could’ve just startled me.
any thoughts?
thanks in advance for your insights, and all the best!
If you’re still confused about your core type, at this point I would forget about tritype altogether and spend time digging into your core fears, motivations, studying the Enneagram more deeply, and seeing what explains most of your personality (core, wing, stacking). 6 and 7 are quite different; there is some overlap, but 6s are core super-ego types, and 7s are core assertive types, and that distinction is HUGE. 7w6s are self-confident second-guessers, and 6w7s are insecure second-guessers. 7w6s are positive leading into reactivity, and 6s are core reactives striving for positive thinking. Super-ego comes with guilt-trip inducing “should” thinking; assertive types comes with re-framing and justifications for their actions. (6: I don’t deserve that, I’ve been horrible vs 7: I deserve to get what I want, I’ve done enough!). 6s have to justify what they want to themselves and others, 7s just go get it. Finally, under stress, 6 moves to 3 and hides away from their anxiety through ‘doing’ (working). 7s move to 1 and become more critical of themselves and others. 6s have to learn to grow toward 9 and develop a peaceful mind; 7s have to learn to move toward 5 and become more objective and know that they don’t ‘need’ everything they want.
That being said… I don’t know how useful this will be, because I’m double super-ego (possibly triple, I still consider a 2 fix often), but having a 1 fix is a constant chronic frustration with the world and everything in it not being good, or right, or proper enough These things make me angry. People being selfish makes me angry, junk in people’s front yard makes me angry, seeing that a series’ title texts on my bookshelf is not in alignment makes me angry, boredom makes me angry. I run a constant “judge” machine in my head, evaluating everyone and everything and how they ‘ought’ to be. (Why was that person so rude; that’s wrong. Withholding forgiveness—also wrong; someone claiming to be moral while cheating on their wife is a hypocrite; why must everyone swear so much?, it’s so crass and vulgar.) It extends to self-judgment: I’m a lousy person for not being a better friend, not doing the dishes every night and leaving them piled up (what a mess!), I should not have lost my temper, I should stop arguing with my dad, etc. If I fight with a friend, I used to (not as much anymore, I’ve learned to cope with this) go over everything they said, and everything I said, and self-reproach for anything that was unfair, mean, or selfish. 1 fixes in other people, I see as – critical, judgmental, frustration (everything isn’t quite perfect and everyone ‘should’ be better people than they are), self-righteous anger. Etc. It’s very different from my father’s 8 fix, which is all about power dynamics. Don’t give people an inch, they’ll walk all over you. YOU set the agenda! Be strong! Good/bad is what I say it is, and what’s smart. Not as much self-reproach, self-judgment, or recrimination. Other people are the problem, in many cases, because there’s less ruthless inner critic / nitpicking of self. Short fuse, non-apologetic for blow-ups. “Sometimes force is necessary.” Completely understanding 8 cores/fixers and seeing them as fine/relatable.
Heart fixes are tricky and when last, hard to figure out since it’s a non-issue – just present in conjunction with the other two. 7s are pretty much always heart-last, 6s can be either gut or heart last. But image/heart relates to how you want to be seen and what you show other people. Do you want to be seen as good and think of yourself as better than others because they are less generous and selfless than you? 2. Do you want to be more successful than others and impress them, so you re-frame things to sound good? 3. Do you want everyone to know you’re different, unique, broken, and can’t be fixed, but that’s fine because at least it makes you not like most normies? 4. Etc. Finding a heart center for a head type is hard, because we don’t “do” feelings, we avoid/ignore them/suppress them.
Avoidance of commitment is very much a core 7 trait, and how energetic you seem in staying active, cutting class (no thought of “will this affect my grade?”), and staying not-bored would suggest 7. A 6 would be more fearful of the consequences of those things, and feel duty-obligated to force themselves to do them. But the real test is how good your attention span is. 7s have less attentiveness than 6s, who are linear thinkers.
Regarding your situation with your roommate, you did recoil in a 1ish way, but 7s also have a line to 1 and often, strong feelings about right/wrong in specific areas that hit them wrong, especially as a Fi user. Are you moralistic in this way ALL the time, or just some of the time?
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Gorillas Who Did Very Well
Been a while since I last updated everyone on what’s been going on. Been studying my little butt off in preparation for the college math/english placement exams (just to see where they’ll place you in the oncoming semester).
Thankfully due to me having a normal college level English class back when I first did college back in 2012, I was exempt from that portion of the assessment. The one I was not, however, was math, as we may as well have guessed. Math’s never been my strong suite throughout my life, so naturally I was pretty nervous about it the night before, especially considering now that I’m planning on majoring in a very math heavy area like computer science.
So that was today, went in at 10AM and took the test. I’m happy to say a good portion of it I recognized, some problems though were real doozies that I didn’t really understand too in-depth. Thanks to all the studying though I was able to feel my way through a majority of them. My only complaint is that it was one of those kinds of tests on the computer where, once you submit your answer? That’s it, dun deal no changing it.
Got stuck on a few problems here and there that took me upwards of 20 min of trying to brute force an answer. I am starting to see why this method of thinking is useful to programming of all things.
By about halfway I started feeling really bad that I didn’t understand as much as I felt I should for whatever reason, and I resorted to guessing on at least a few answers because I didn’t want to take any more time than I already had. So I wrapped up, finished the 20 questions and was relieved to see the computer did not flag me in that I got enough WRONG that there needed to be more follow-up. Machine spit out my score and I met with the advisor right after.
Nice lady, she had nothing but praise and ended up telling me that I got the highest possible score on the test and that that was something that didn’t happen very often there! And she’d been working there some years, yada yada yada. So naturally I was very surprised, and in disbelief! Either I guessed all those times correctly or I knew enough to make an educated guess... Who knows!
So ya girl over here dun passed with flying colors. I’m going straight into the College Algebra Pre-Cal track and hopefully by the time I transfer to the big boy college I’ll be a lot smarter than I am now. Things are lookin’ up! I’m not talented in all areas of academics though I had to really really study for this one. I hope I’ll be able to keep up my grades in the future to the point where I’ll be able to qualify for some decent grants and scholarships and such. Helps when I’m a minority, a girl, and applying to a STEM field no doubt. But for now, for a community college, I can easily pay for myself with no aid if it comes down to it. My savings will be eaten but... It’s worth it. I really reallllyyy want a degree and I feel bad it took me this long to get my act together. Back at 18 years old I wasn’t motivated or ready for this level of dedication but, coming upon 29 in March this year? I think I’ve had time.
I’m just a late bloomer, with everything. But that’s ok, better late than never.
So there’s that aspect of things. I’m still trying to fish around and save as much money as I can on the side so I can pursue the archery hobby I mentioned here and there before. It’s very expensive, understandably. But I really want to use that as a step stool to get into a sport I’ve been very, very interested in for a long time (like since single-digit ages). Hunting.
Not trophy hunting though, like meat hunting and for wildlife control and land protection purposes. Learning all about that stuff has been very fascinating, and I’m excited I’m now living in an area that’s a lot more open about that kind of thing (not to mention much easier and more convenient access.) There’s a lil’ bit of opposition from some family members, but there’s also support from others. I’m kind of starting to hit that point in my life where I’m realizing I don’t need permission to try things I want to try. That’s a very large hurdle for me to overcome, considering my sheltered life, and this combined with my amazing score today for the college thing? I feel like I’ll be able to do anything in no time. I really hope I succeed in my endeavors.
For now, gotta keep up the studies and gotta keep trying for commissions! I’ve been weight lifting on the side as well to try and de-noodle-fy my arms in preparation for learning a recurve bow, and I’ve managed to lose some decent weight from that I think (it’s changed my eating habits too) as well! So I’m very pleased. The most difficult part of all of this is going to be keeping consistency. I’m taking a break today from my usual cuz man, I deserve it, but tomorrow! Back to the rigamaroll!!
Only thing really to worry about now is Tato’s dental appointment next week. Poor thing, Riley already went through it and got some teeth pulled, though his teeth weren’t classified as too terrible (the molars he got yanked had cracks in them). Tato’s have generally been classified as worse so I’m a little worried... but We’ll see how that goes next Tuesday.
Thanks everyone for reblogging my sketch commission post too all the damn time, I really appreciate it and I know it may come off as annoying, but hopefully not! I’m just trying everything I know to do, it’s a hit or miss like anything else but yeah.
So until next time!
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CAT!! i just saw you in my notifs and squealed i missed you!! how are you!! how are things??
Oh my, okay, I had this WHOLE response written out but our dearest hellsite decided to delete it 😡 so, starting over…
Hi, Jay 💜💜💜💜💜 How have you been?
I’m still around, who would’ve thought?! Jokes aside, I’m alright, been resting a lot lately and feel a bit more energetic than I was in the past. Still haven’t managed to write anything, but I’m trusting that it will eventually come back to me. Been watching Bones for the first time and ugh, it gives me SO MANY fic ideas, but I just can’t manage to put them down in words. Also have rewatched CM with my sisters (we’re currently on Season 6!), I feel like this time of year is the perfect time for seeing the show once again.
Been trying to keep up with all the reboot news, but I’m not that into it, to be completely honest. I’m giving it the benefit of the doubt for now, since I really look forward to seeing some of our faves once again, but I can’t quite shake the feeling that it’s too soon, too rushed. I guess we’ll have to wait until it airs.
I’m also a bit tense because elections are coming up in the country I live in, and there’s a real risk of the current bigot in chief (aka Tropical Trump) being re-elected. And that would pose a real threat to the well being of a lot of people very close to my heart, particularly my LGBTQIA+ and POC friends. There’s a chance the left candidate will win the election (I’m rooting for it so hard) but even then, the political climate is really tense and I fear we’ll see a spike in politically motivated violence until the Presidential Inauguration takes place in January 2023. Very depressing and anxiety inducing news.
Thankfully though, time has just been flying by! I’ve managed to reconnect with some old friends, started to go out some more, have dyed my hair red (you know, changing your hairstyle is the most important sign one is going through ✨something ✨), even developed a crush on one of my coworkers (let’s not talk about that, because it’ll most likely lead to NOWHERE).
Side note about the hair: I’ve wanted to do this ever since I was around 14-15, but I’ve never mustered up the courage to do it. Until a few months ago, when my therapist encouraged me to do something I’ve always wanted to do but scared me.
Anyway, on a more personal note, I’ve been busy planning an “euro trip” with two of my closest friends. I’m really proud of myself because I’m the one that has basically done all the schedule and took care of booking our flights, trains and hotels. Really looking forward to it, as well as having the almost the entire month of November to travel and disconnect from work and other daily trials. That’s what’s been driving me at the moment.
Oh, and Halloween, because it’s my favourite time of year. Even if it’s not widely celebrated around here, I love it so much. Can’t wait to start rewatching “Practical Magic” and “Hocus Pocus” until everyone in my house is sick of it. My friends are planning on going to a party at a night club on Oct 29th, so I’m trying to come up with a costume. I’m leaning towards going as Wanda in the iconic vintage Scarlet Witch costume (just because I want to be able to dress up as a character that has red/ginger hair). But still not sure.
Anyway, what about you?? I hope you’re doing fine as well!
#jay 💜#lovely moots 💕#cat replies#cat rambles#*I’m still standing by Sir Elton John playing in the background*
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Letting Go Of 16-Year Old Fears, Being Happy & Running From Music
I’m currently sitting in my car, parked in my garage at home, with my knee propped on the steering wheel, like I’m not 6’2, 250 lbs, thinking about all that I have and everything I’ve gone through, the good, the bad and even the great.
It’s 11:01 pm, and I just came back from my office down the street. I ran in my office to grab a piece of music equipment so I can work on stuff tonight and all day tomorrow, since I plan on staying home all day.
I’ve been sad a lot lately though, and reflecting on life, what my future holds, and feeling guilty about a lot of things from my past for whatever reason.
I’ve done so many amazing things. So many. I’ve made so many sacrifices and never complained about anything since I’ve been on this journey, and I’m proud of that.
I’ve fought most of my battles alone, internalizing my feelings and thoughts and focusing on the positive big picture, all of the time, every day.
I only see the positive in everything and everyone, and ironically, if I ever do have a negative thought or feeling, it’s towards myself. It’s like I process positive in everything, then transfer the negatives back to myself, and I hate that shit.
With that being said, I’m proud of myself. I deserve to celebrate my accomplishments. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be acknowledged by others for my consistent hard work and dedication. I want that. I hope for that every day. I can honestly say that my motivation for doing right is to one day have it acknowledged by others.
The main reflection lately has been, “Wow, I am where I am today because of music. All of this came from music. Everything. Shit is crazy.”
I slept in my car 6 times, for music.
I pay my bills now from music. I’ve traveled to and explored New York, gone to a Yankee game, been to Atlanta, Florida, flew a plane, and so much more, because of music…
I sacrificed family, friendships, relationships, love, the chance of being a husband and a father, for music… I’ve compromised my health and probably took a few years off of my life, for music.
I started an entire music school. I’ve helped thousands of people in music. All of my relationships have come from music. All of my closest friends are in music, or are a part of the professional dream chase to some capacity, but all relative to my connection to music.
Back in 2014, I made a decision to leave my family, to find myself, to learn how to become a man, because I realized that my family was like an anchor chained to my leg, and I wanted to cut off that weight to be more than I ever imagined, without hoping and praying for love and support from a group of people I deeply loved, but realized that love and support from them was going to continue being only hopes and prayers.
I’ve been running from music…
Why have I been running from music though? I feel that I have the answer, but it’s very deep. It stems from my childhood, being around music my entire life. I know why I’ve been running from music, now that I’m thinking about it. One day, I wish someone would ask me that in an interview, and I would love to explain why and have my reason shared for others to hear, understand and respect.
In a nutshell, I’ve always felt like I was supposed to be doing more… so all of this time, I’ve been chasing more, reaching more and doing more, only to still be here at music, and confused as to what I’m supposed to be doing with/in music. So weird.
Look, me writing me this, is me working through my thoughts, with the intention of cutting off what’s been holding me back from what I’m supposed to be doing in life, whatever that is, in music… the realization is that music is going to be a part of my future.
If that is the case, I need to overcome the fears and doubts in my heart. They’ve been there since Vic died. That was 16 years ago. I’m ready to let go of them, because I appreciate life more than ever and the blessing of still being able to be in and around music on the highest level.
I’m basically exposing myself. Outletting everything in hopes of shedding off the weight, so I can move forward, if that is what God wants for me.
I think, in order to really overcome what’s holding me back, I need to be able to clearly answer these questions:
• What makes me happy?
• What do I want to do for ME?
• How do you truly feel about music?
• If you had a choice to be a part of music in any way possible, what does that look like for you?
… and I honestly have no answers to these questions right now, so I think this is where I start.
I need to really sit down and learn how to do things for myself, and be happy and proud that I can do that.
I don’t have to kill myself for others anymore. I don’t need anyone’s validation anymore. I have so much power and can influence so many by learning how to be okay with just being myself! I just need to figure out… no, you just need to be YOU! You are you, just be that and stop thinking you need to be more than what you currently are!
Okay. That is true.
I’m glad I wrote this much.
Just keep expressing and taking the time to write out your thoughts… this is a good first step.
Just write when you think, and we’ll figure out the rest later.
It’s now 11:48. I’m going inside the house now.
If you read this, I truly appreciate you. I hope you can take something from this for yourself.
- Dame
#damemonster#life quotes#message of the day#daily quotes#life advice#life lessons#quote of the day#love quotes#5 life lessons#musician#sad thoughts#music is everything#music is therapy
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Oops today’s post accidentally turned into a long essay about how I feel stuck in life (spoiler: it’s the same as always).
I was able to haul myself out of bed today, somehow. I attended my meeting, and then stayed awake for a while because people needed my attention. Things quieted down around lunchtime, so I snuck off for a nap. It was a nice nap, with vivid dreams that I can’t quite remember anymore.
I didn’t leave the apartment today. After work, I made myself a turkey sandwich for dinner, and then spent the night with my usual unproductive pastimes. Around midnight, I made myself a baked potato. Healthy, I guess? Healthier than my usual diet, at least.
It’s late again, and I’m sure I’ll regret it. I have this general sense of unease about work, lately. There hasn’t been enough work to do for quite some time, and it’s almost time for performance reviews... writing my self-eval is going to be awful. I just hope my boss can figure out how to justify the fact that our team has nothing to show for itself. I have to depend on him, because there’s not much I can do.
Well, I suppose I could have depended on myself by being a responsible employee and seeking out important things to work on over the last few months. But I haven’t done so. At some point, during the pandemic, I just... stopped caring about work. My mind checked out. I remember the first year or so of working from home was awful, because I was frustrated that I couldn’t be productive--I missed the office, having a quiet place and an environment made for getting my job done. But then, instead of adapting to the new work style, my values shifted instead: I just started caring less and less about my job.
It’s strange, really, because I’ve always been a very conscientious person. It feels weird to say I just don’t care about my job. Especially since, by all accounts, it’s a very good job. It’s out of character for me.
I guess I feel adrift. I always used to have a firm goal, a guiding star: money. Study, get good grades, get a well-paying job, save money. And I still love money, of course. But I feel like the path forward is less clear, now. My job has stopped being interesting, and the politicking necessary to advance up the ranks is repugnant to me. But leaving would, without a doubt, be a bad financial decision. So I feel stuck. I’m not motivated to move upward, but I don’t want to lose the ground I’ve gained.
I don’t know what the conclusion is. I rambled a lot here, but this isn’t anything new; I’ve been writing the same old thing for more than a year. How will I break free of this dilemma?
Well, I didn’t mean to write that much. I feel clear-minded tonight, so I suppose it’s an auspicious time to think about these things.
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Today, I thought about my father.
Who was he?
I mean, I know who he is. He’s the guy sitting on the couch watching football and laughing at something he heard on the radio today. I’ve always known who he is. But, I don’t know much about who he WAS.
Who was he before I was born? What did he believe? What motivated him? What were his dreams?
If you ask him, he’ll probably tell you that he was a nobody. Just some punk kid from a small town who thought he was the shit until he left and saw the world through a larger lens. He’ll tell you about his dream of being a pilot, and how he put that to bed when he met my mom and wanted to have kids. According to him, he never would’ve been able to hack it in flight school, and he’s carried that self-doubt for as long as he’s been alive. He’s the byproduct of a troubled childhood and a tumultuous family situation that left him to raise himself since he was a little kid, and he’ll tell you that’s a catalyst for the way he is now.
I’m not buying it.
While I don’t everything about who he was, I’ve certainly seen bits and pieces. The “was” I know has transformed into what he “is” now. Unlike most of his peers, he hasn’t grown more staunch as he’s aged. He sees that the world is changing, and he doesn’t have much of a problem with that. All he wants, in his words, is to be “left alone”. He’s the only person I likely fundamentally disagree with on many things who I still feel that I can have a civil conversation with, and despite his opinions, he’s the first one willing to help anyone who asks.
With all that comes trauma and its byproducts: he’s got a loud voice that gets even louder when he’s upset. He’s emotionally reactive and is firmly convinced that if everyone would just do things HIS way it would get done more quickly. He’s not much for patience, and he rolls his eyes more often than he thinks. And, if you ask him, he’d probably tell you that he got dealt a shitty hand in a shitty game where people who play fair are punished for doing the right thing.
In many ways, I’m a lot like him. I grew up in a small town and got the hell out of dodge as soon as I could. I had dreams that I chased until I couldn’t chase them anymore, which in my case was far too late. I’ve spent the majority of my adult years hating myself for things I held on to so tightly that I suffocated and clung on for dear life.
One thing is for certain: we’re comfortable.
We’re comfortable being this way. We’re known for being a bit grumpy, and always worrying about one thing or another. We sometimes allow that to get in the way of our loved ones' happiness, and we’ve ruined our fair share of family gatherings by getting too wound up.
But, we’re still surrounded by people who care. They see past our fuckups and our misspeakings to embrace who and what we are.
And that’s what he and I hold so dear: They embrace who we ARE, and not what we WERE.
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The only good nation is imagination
Wrong left turn but, like, only being able to turn left when you’re driving through your mind 🧠 🚗
I want to tattoo my neck. I’ve been thinking about it lately. The thoughts are very motivating and sure of themselves.
So I take my creative mind off its leash and let her hunt of course. I’ve been really thinking about doing something beautiful and elegant. More geometric meets ornamental.
The flower of life keeps drawing me in. It has been the only geometric pattern I find suitable for my body.
I say at my desk scrolling with the intentions of something catching my eye since I am not familiar with the ornamental symbols and meanings.
After two google searches of what seem to be no real info, I finally found a book, a literal book like it in the public library looking on one of those big newspaper things—(I’ve always dreamed of doing that btw)—BUT THIS BOOK! I can’t describe how syncing this felt. My initial instinct and limited attention span, made we read the first page slowly, but by the second page I found myself skimming. Then, I paused and said no, I have time to take my time, what is the rush and skimming is such a waste of time. I scrolled back up to reset my mind in a different, more attentive and receptive frequency. I want to learn. Maybe I can put something truly beautiful into my body this year.
A gift to myself. I want it to make me fall so deeply in love with myself that I end belonging deeply to myself. I want that relationship with myself. I want to love unconditionally and I need something that would interpret that in my art. I have so many plans for my body I squirm with anticipation.
I’ve decided that the day I fell in lust with myself was when I tattooed my face. Not once. Not twice. But three times. I want this neck tattoo to project the commitment I am giving myself. It will be full of dignity. I want it to have a royal appeal to it. Like I’m a permanent goddess. This is going to be my medieval neck cowl. ❤️🔥
I have visions of my higher self. I’m ready to be her. My ill feelings and doubts are nowhere to be seen. I like to think that we are always imagining, and I make sure to remind myself that when the mind wants pity.
Right now I almost feel arrogantly invincible. I no longer cry because I feel invisible. 🫥 so I can’t tell if this is true arrogance or not. What if this is how we were supposed to feel? But then again people can confuse invincibility with power and control. I don’t think I’m programmed to abuse the power of arrogance, or I still have a lot to learn. But you know what I mean, humans naturally abuse anything good because we are filled with desire. Think about it- alcohol, sugar, nicotine, caffeine, drugs, sex, money, power, prescription pills. Do I really need to say more?
I think society is gluttonous and has a big bellied mind, and that is what I truly mourn. Small minds can be advantageous. I think media and advertisers have us swallowing more than we can swallow. They say you are what you eat, and the human mind is very hungry.
I know this because of my own hunger. I wanted everyone to feed me. I didn’t mind everyone feeding me, until I did. I am currently self -feeding and suckling at the teet of knowledge. Regulated by the tenderness of my own hands. I don’t think I’ve ever done this before. I feel unchained.
I want all my new body art to represent my commitment to my own freedom. Freedom isn’t voting rights, or a grocery store full of the illusion of choice. It’s liberating your creative mind and aligning that with what you believe is real. Dreaming can only take us so far. Reality is the furthest you can ever take your thoughts. That is real choice.
I cry on the outside of the veil, unable to lift it, I admire what I can. This is my idea of coming out of hiding. Lifting the veil and seeing yourself for the first time. It feels new. I have never thought this deeply in my life and I always wonder if it’s the same for others. At what mile marker did you start thinking more horizontally? I feel like sometimes I am behind in my thinking, which only teaches me how to reassure myself I am where I need to be. Getting rid of comparisons that get in between. I am learning to forgive myself when I think of my past and decided I was weak, because it’s a “ for they do not know” kind of thing. One thing that has helped me is accepting that the memories are obviously never leaving. They are there and I will nurture them. If I keep them hostage they will plot against me. I let the past linger behind me like a sparkling fairy 🧚♂️ it’s there for looks 👀😆
Please, tell me I’m insane. Please tell me I’m wrong. I wouldn’t be mad, I will just say that we are born chaos trying to learn order—-> and my goal is to never be “right,” it is simply to just exercise my right to chaos. It makes my experience as a human more enjoyable. I never wish to experience the evil that I read about, even though I enjoy reading about our worldly tragedies over the course of humanity, it gives my brains just enough evil to keep it from going to hell, honestly. I want a heavenly mindset, and reading about true hell, like war, my mind is able to give “order” to the hellish mindset we automatically gain from life’s disappointments or failures. Ying and yang logic. It’s there. In all of us.
This tattoo is going to be AMAZING. 🥲
I love you void, I do this for the feeling.
now let me read.
-x
#saturday#good night#i dont fucking know#diary#tumblr diary#diaryposting#personal diary#poetic#writeblr#writing#writers and poets#poetry blog#poetry#writblr#girl interrupted#deep writing#deep truth#deep post#deep feelings#deep thinking#Spotify
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Tipping Broken Scales | Erik A | Trial 3.4 | Re: Erik, Eureka, Adrik | ATTN: Eureka
Ever since the start of this, Erik A had had an itch of a thought of what had happened here. Certain things he’d seen between both Adrik, his new partner, and Eureka, who he’d considered at least something of a friend and invention partner, even if they’d never had a chance to have a deeper conversation so far, not for lack of things he’d thought of saying. Thanks he wanted to give again for helping both Arakiel and Erik when he’d asked for that favor, or about both of their siblings. The clone situation he’d managed to suspect before she’d revealed it, even.
Whatever other people might think of him, he wasn’t so biased to believe or help someone close to him over someone else just because of that. There was so much more to consider in every choice, manufactured ones in this motive or just in life, too. So after more careful consideration…
“I didn’t speak up before, mostly just because I didn’t want to tunnel vision on Eureka right off the bat before we worked other shit out, but you don’t even need a comparison, because I know that that mark on Ae-ra seemed like a mild electrical burn to me. I’ve dealt with plenty of them before, both from her taser myself and from outside of here, it happens to me a lot. Course, I didn’t know much as much about types of chemical burns and other shit like that so I couldn’t be totally sure in the investigation, but now we know anyway.”
And there was the confession, huh? It seems as though Eureka is simply breaking under the pressure, saying what happened, but… he doesn’t believe that to be true. Not just in her literal words, but the idea that she’s cracking under the pressure either. No, this wasn’t that, and that much he could understand. It was the most logical choice to make, after all.
“No, Eureka isn’t stupid. I don’t believe her story for a variety of timing issues over anything, but her confession is absolutely a strategy she’s using, not something blurred out without thought. She had to know that things were closing in on her the moment the taser was brought up, so what she’s claiming makes sense, especially since I would have just asked her to show her taser and see if it had a charge if she hadn’t.”
He looks to Erik at some of his more dramatic wording of this too, though he decides not to derail to focus on it. Instead, something else in his words catch Erik A’s notice, and he frowns, looking back over the rest of people here. Believe that she hadn’t meant to kill Ae-ra…
“I can’t see any of this as justice, not on any end of this for Chen, Ae-ra, or Eureka, but… No, I… can’t buy that she didn’t try to kill Ae-ra on purpose either. Whatever her plan was walking into the room, whichever of them she WANTED to wind up dead because I at least could believe she’d have wanted Chen dead over Ae-ra, with the changed times maybe making her late and Erika Chen already dead on the ground there’s no doubt in my mind that the person who entered that room with the poisoned needles still made the choice to kill. Why the fuck else would something that deadly and hard to safely store be made? She’s right that cactus needles are at least somewhat delicate, and that that stab was too clean to have been in an equal fight, not broken and bent.”
He sighs, a tired look on his face as he looks directly at Eureka.
“So I guess… I just want to know, why didn’t you just walk away? Even if you WANTED to help Ae-ra get away with it and she didn’t believe you about it, there was nothing stopping you from just tazing her and getting the fuck out to safety. And IF Ae-ra had killed Chen, she would have either tried to frame you and gotten away with it, or she would have died in the trial. With how protective she was of her brother, too, there was no damn way she wouldn’t pick to let him and the rest of them live if she did get away with it too, so you shouldn’t have had the motive to worry about any more, with Chen dead.”
"So I want to know. Why did you actually use a deadly weapon on her? Because right now, I really can’t see Chen being the one to have done Ae-ra in.”
“And I don’t know, I can’t say for sure whether or not it was just… a heat of the moment mistake or adrenaline or something else, but you… Eureka, if you really cared about your sister’s safety that much, why didn’t you vote for my sister when they were put up against each other? Because I know for a fact that the only person who voted for my sister over yours wasn’t you. Not trying to be the asshole here, and I wouldn’t even be bringing this up if you weren’t trying for a tearjerker argument right now, but you are, so I am too.”
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A lot of expression lately. Haha
It’s October. More changes are coming. This year has been a lot. It’s been almost a year since my life completely changed. I entered the new year with a newfound perspective on what I wanted in life and who I want to be. I remember the feeling of that time like it was yesterday. It started off with confusion. A sense of brokenness, but in the most beautiful way possible. Something that is broken needs to be fixed. While it was tough rediscovering what I loved and wanted in life, I felt the sense of something greater coming. I felt the opportunity to start over and actually take back the things I had been missing in life. The joys I always dodged.
Colorado was beautiful. Even though there was some frustration there, I’ll never take back the memories I made with my brothers. New York... anytime I can explore something that grandeur with my brother, my partner in crime... it’s special. It will always be special. California... what a gorgeous yet broken state. Cali, your prices are stupid and ridiculous. But oh, how I wish I could have you. Those mountain-ridden Los Angeles sunsets. That enchanted, fog-covered scape near the Golden Gate. San Francisco, you especially stole my heart.
One of my biggest accomplishments has been putting out this video called It Comes It Goes. It was the perfect encapsulation of what I had discovered at that time. It felt great. When I was younger, I used to write songs, but I never loved what I wrote. This was different. I love what I created. It’s the best expression of me I can offer. And I want to continue doing that, but...
I’ve lost something along the way. A step. After creating that video, I said I was gonna take a break and enjoy more subtleties in life. The day to days. While I’ve experienced more moments with the people I care about and new ventures, I feel like I’m stumbling into the same realm I was in at the beginning of the year: Lost. Confused.
I’m trying to find a rhyme or reason as to why I am where I am. I haven’t felt the motivation or inspiration to create anything. I don’t feel like I’m doing what I should be doing to attain the life I want. Then again, I really have no idea what life it is I actually want. I thought I did, and I think I do, but right now, I just feel so lost in transition. So many changes have happened and are coming. By the end of this year, I may or may not be in my own place, and I may or may not have a roommate. By the end of this year, I may or may not be in a committed relationship with someone. By the end of this year, I may or may not be in a new position at my job, and I may or may not have time enough time to commit myself to what I think I actually want to do. I just don’t know. And these uncertainties are scary and make moving about my life more difficult. And I keep waiting for them to flesh themselves out, but in the meantime I feel like I’m stalling. So what is it?
I don't know if I’m supposed to have an answer after writing this. But if there were one, maybe it’s that I worry too much. And think too much. And don’t trust that things will be how they are meant to be. This is a concept that is easier said than done. My anxieties and fears and doubts about myself... they play a big role in this. I try to fight them, but it's hard.
That being said, yesterday was a good day. And today has just begun. Right now I’m feeling like maybe, just maybe, I can add on another good day. A day where I feel like myself again. My new self that I reconstructed earlier this year. Free, wide-eyed, and ready for life. I still am that person. I know. But I don’t feel like it lately. I’ve felt like the worst parts of myself, and I can’t let that consume me.
Here is to today, and hopefully the next day, and the next day. Maybe I can string together enough todays to where I find my way back. I would love that.
The journey continues.
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to the medicinal stoner: a secret that might blow your mind
There’s always been a stigma surrounding the use of marijuana, even medicinally. When I started using weed to treat my medical conditions, there was this constant feeling of guilt that followed me everywhere.
It stemmed from growing up with the idea that marijuana was another evil drug and those who used it were lazy, potential criminals. Whew, what a thing to believe when you’re young.
Even now, my own father does not “believe” in marijuana’s medicinal benefits and believes anyone who claims to be using it medicinally is just making excuses for getting high. Being told that led to even more guilt.
It’s hard to accept that a truth you were taught is not a truth at all.
There’s still some residual guilt that I feel sometimes when I light up, a ghost of that truth that isn’t really a truth haunting me subconsciously. I’m sure not everyone feels this—maybe no one besides me really does, who knows?
Either way, it’s taken a long time for me to accept something that may seem completely obvious to others:
It’s okay to need marijuana for medical reasons, and to still enjoy using it.
Of course, I also believe it’s completely fine to use marijuana recreationally as well, but for now I’m only going to focus on how I felt guilty using it medicinally.
As I first started smoking, I found that when I had nothing else to do, I thoroughly enjoyed smoking a bowl, laying in bed, and eating snacks while watching television. Whenever I did that, however, everything I’ve ever heard about how getting high leads to poor choices would just ring around in my head.
Lately I started asking myself why I feel so weird about my weed usage. It helps, and my life has been positively different ever since I started using it—so why did I constantly feel like using it was putting me on the path of being a lazy stoner?
Like I said previously, it all boils down to what I was raised to believe.
Asking myself a lot of questions like, “Why is it actually wrong to smoke weed if you’re doing it responsibly?” eventually led me to realize that what I believed was…wrong. False.
I’m part of many stoner forums full of people just like me, who use weed daily, enjoy the feeling of getting high, and are still productive members of society. After I smoke, I’m motivated for the entire day—something that wasn’t possible before I started using weed.
Before I started smoking bud, there were weeks upon weeks where I couldn’t bring myself out of bed, either because of physical pain or the depression and anxiety that have had a hold on me since childhood. Once I started using weed, I found my entire life changing. Where I was once uninterested and unmotivated, I now found hobbies that excite me and inspiration to do the things I’m supposed to.
My mother also had her doubts about using marijuana as first. She feared that it would affect me the way alcohol did and that I would become addicted and start to spiral even further. There wasn’t much faith that it would help as we hoped.
And then it did.
Since she’s seen the difference in my mental health and the fact that I can finally do things and enjoy my life, my mother has acknowledged the uses of medicinal marijuana, and she also understands and accepts the responsible recreational use of weed.
Having my mother’s support—even if not my father’s—has helped me to prove false the old allegations about marijuana and step into my role as a productive stoner who enjoys lighting up and being productive.
I know a lot of people reading this will probably be like, “How did it take you so long to realize that medicinal and recreational use of marijuana shouldn’t be so frowned upon?”
There are some things that I’m quick to learn—quail breeding, phlebotomy, soap-making—but others take me a while. I can be, like, super smart, but not when it comes to common sense.
So, if there’s anyone like me, who feels guilty about using weed, even if it is medicinally, then just know…you don’t have to.
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🌟 Astrology Observations 1🌟
Hi! This is my first astrology observations post! They’re fun to read so I thought I’d give it a go. Remember not everyone will resonate with what is said, these are simply things I’ve noticed in others or myself. Feel free to share your thoughts but please be kind I am sensitive! o_o
🌟 Mars - Uranus aspects in the natal chart run on their own time. This is someone who hates being rushed with a passion. The more you rush them the more they want to rebel and take their sweet time. Throw some taurus placements in the big 6 and this is intensified. These are the people making everyone late to an event because they were rushed and have now lost motivation to hurry.
🌟 Someone with Chiron/Saturn in the 1st may despise being photographed and looking back at old photos of themselves. They can be extremely insecure. They really struggle with their self image even though they’re gorgeous! They are good at boosting other people’s confidence, they give great thoughtful compliments.
🌟 Chiron in the 1st people tend to have a ton of admirers yet are in constant doubt that people find them attractive. One of my best friends has this placement and I’ve had multiple people come up to me saying “your friend is cute” and I tell this mf and he swears they lying. May y’all realize y’all are beautiful!!!
🌟 Leo and Taurus ppl are DRAWN to each other. Stg I’ve come across so many taurus sun and Leo sun relationships. They can either work out really great and be that couple that seems meant to be or it can go completely to shit. One of the two extremes.
🌟 This has probably been said before but Gemini Mars/Venus or Mars/Venus in a Gemini degree may have hand fetishes. They may enjoy finger sucking A LOT.
🌟 Gemini moons are VERY selective with what they share/tell ppl. They are really strategic in general when it comes to talking about themselves. They may have been too open with the wrong people in the past which has caused trust issues.
🌟 Aries mars/mars in the 1st are more prone to getting turned on when mad or frustrated.
🌟Taurus venus/mars ppl are the type to have the same subway sandwich order since when they were like 5.
End of the post! :)
#astrology#astrology notes#astrology observations#taurus venus#taurus mars#saturn in the 1st house#chiron in the 1st house#mars uranus aspects#mars in the 1st#aries mars
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