More of Virgilโs bedside vigilโฆ
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One morning, while watching helplessly as Scott twitched and whimpered in the throes of yet another nightmare, Virgil had started singing to him. Ever so softly, barely more than a whisper with pitch, he sang the song their mother had written for them, hoping she could help him reach his brother. His voice felt thin and fragile in this alien environment, but he was sure the tension in his brotherโs sleeping face eased a little so he kept at it.
Over time he became bolder and let his voice resonate around the cold, fabric-free room. Clearly hospitals werenโt designed with acoustics in mind yet they were accidentally quite stunning. He sang Scotty all sorts of things, songs they listened to together, ones he knew Scott and his college friends liked, the guitar solo theme from big broโs favourite film. But always circling back to Momโs song. One evening he looked up to see his father framed by doctors and the doorway, tears running down his face and Virgilโs voice faltered. Dad had gestured for him to continue though, so he did. The medics swarmed over the equipment around Scottโs bed, frowning and pointing at things, noting down numbers. Conclusions were drawn. Nods. One little smile in his direction but nobody spoke to Virgil. Overcome with tiredness he rested his head next to Scottโs, his nose just brushing his brotherโs ear, and silently dared them all to try to move him. They didnโt.
Time passed. Virgil had no clear idea of how much. They reduced the dosage of the meds he was taking and nothing untoward seemed to happen. He overheard a discussion in the hallway about discharge and management at home and he vowed to himself that if they took his bed heโd just sleep in the chair. Or, when Dad needed the chair, on the floor. Possibly he vowed it more loudly than he intended because while they didnโt take his bed, another chair materialised.
There were changes with Scottโs drug regime too. The sedation was reduced, but his wakeful times remained silent outside of the harsh outbursts of raw terror as he awoke from a nightmare. Sometimes he clutched Virgilโs arm so hard it left vivid marks. But those were nothing compared the bruises left on Virgilโs heart when he looked into his Scottyโs face and saw the horror there.
So he sang to his brother and gazed into his eyes because he didnโt know what else to do.
Then, one afternoon, when Virgil had thought he was finally sleeping, Scott started to sing along with him.
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Among other things, one of the things I love most about scrollin here, is ya'll be putting me on to new music.
(even though I've said it already.. @introvertedbae giiirl I always look up and you be posting the best of the best.
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A particularly lovely chord progression somehow ended up with me driving a wedge between Earth and Sky and I promised Iโd try to fix it.
Super long car journey today presented an opportunity but events got away from me and I accidentally made it worse. Oopsโฆ umโฆ Iโm sorry? Apologies to @ajpendragon @alexthefly @astranite @janetm74 @sofasurf and anyone else who asked for a fix and will remain disappointed for nowโฆ
Piano Angst - the aftermath
It had been nearly a week and Scott felt like he was missing a limb.
Virgil was definitely avoiding him.
It wasnโt that they hadnโt seen each other - theyโd worked together perfectly normally on several rescues. Theyโd both joined in the usual banter over mealtimes. There had even been a family film night - albeit, instead of joining Scott on their usual couch, Virgil had squeezed in with the Tinies and spent the evening competing with Gordon as to who could wind up Alan the most about his movie choice.
But theyโd not been alone in the same room. At least, not for more than the few seconds it took for Virgil to make some excuse and leave it.
Heโd even apparently conscripted Gordon into constantly keeping him company whilst he did maintenance on Two. Despite all Scottโs loitering around the hangar, the Fish never seemed to get the hint to make himself scarce. Except that one time when Scott had hinted at the availability of leftover pizza in the kitchen but then Virgil had raced off hot on Gordonโs heels. Which would not have been of any note whatsoever if it hadnโt been for that momentary flash of panic Scott was sure had crossed Virgilโs face as Gordon jumped to his feet.
It wasnโt just the lost chance to really TALK to his brother either. There was a physical distance too which was almost more painful. It turned out that Virgilโs elbow nudges at dinner, his arm across Scottโs shoulders as they walked across the lounge, his habit of stretching out and throwing his feet over big brotherโs legs when they had a moment to chill together on the couchโฆ these felt as natural and as essential to Scott as eating or drinking and he missed it more than he could have explained. It made his jaw hurt.
He had figured he just had to give Virgil time and be available when he was ready. So heโd made a conscious effort to *not* be working whenever they had downtime, hovering in the communal areas and looking un-busy. He rushed through the paperwork later, once everyone was in bed and then stayed up for hours each night studying the last couple of monthโs worth of mission logs and recordings, desperately trying to work out what had triggeredโฆ whatever it wasโฆ the other day.
Heโd been lying, Scott was certain of that. Ironically that certainty had made him very uncertain of everything else - Virgil never lied to him. He was awful at it. Honesty usually shone out of his big puppy-like brown eyes. When he was withholding something they were clouded with guilt.
But to invoke their motherโs memory as a cover-up?
It must have been serious.
His research efforts turned up nothing at all out of the ordinary other than it had actually been a pretty successful run of rescues, a bit of a reprieve from the average. He couldnโt find any aspect of the scenarios theyโd faced that seemed like it might have particularly upset his brother.
It had to have something to do with him. Virgil was acting perfectly normally with everyone else. He re-listened to every interaction theyโd had over the comm. Had he been too brusque in directing the rescues recently? Was his tone wrong? He didnโt think he sounded any different although after a while his own voice really began to grate on him. Virgilโs responses seemed normal and he didnโt appear to react to anything in a negative way. Perhaps his brother was maybe a little quieter on the comm than usualโฆ should he have noticed that sooner?
Or had he embarrassed him by making it clear heโd noticed him getting carried away that afternoon? But Virgil had never seemed to be worried about Scott witnessing his piano binges before - most of the worst more-recovery-than-rescue missions had been thrashed out on the piano over the yearsโฆ No. The only way to find out was to ask him directly.
He hovered at the door of the hangar, took a couple of breaths to slow his galloping heart rate and pushed it ajar. He could hear Gordon talking at a mile a minute about something to do with aquaculture and Virgil was leaning up against a pod module with a politely interested look on his face. His eyes flicked briefly over to his eldest brother but didnโt linger, instead focussing firmly back on little brother with renewed focus.
Scott felt rather like heโd taken a grapple to the chest and backed out, closing the door softly behind him. He ignored the elevator and elected for the long slow trudge up the stairwell. By the time he made it to the lounge his vision was blurry and he had reached the limit of what he could bear. He found a sheet of notepaper from the desk drawer and scribbled a note. He folded it precisely in half, opened it again and checked it, then refolded it, running a shaking thumb among the edge. He tucked it underneath the door to his brotherโs bedroom on the way to his own.
Virgil, Iโve upset you and I canโt for the life of me work out when or how it was in order to apologise properly - but please know I am so sorry.
Iโll be on my balcony the rest of the evening if you want to talk.
I miss you. S x
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