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withlovenayohmikins · 10 days
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You remember too much,
my mother said to me recently.
Why hold onto all that? And I said,
Where can I put it down?
- Anne Carson
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withlovenayohmikins · 10 days
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withlovenayohmikins · 10 days
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Eldest Daughter Gothic
Your youngest sibling is in tears. You do not know why. Is it your fault? 
You are doing the dishes. You are always doing the dishes. You never finish. 
She loves you. She hates you. You’re her favorite. She only cares about your siblings. She never wanted to be a mother. She loves you.
You have a headache. Again. You are starting to forget what it feels like not to have a headache.
Everything is too much. You are going to shatter. But you cannot. 
If you give out, so will everything else
She is angry, ranting about something you said. You do not remember the last time you spoke. She is still angry.
Your younger sibling is ten years old. No, that can't be right. You are ten years old. They must still be an infant. But they’re graduating fifth grade now, and you realize that you are in high school. You did not notice the change.
She keeps yelling. You wonder if she is yelling at herself.
You’ve heard that 3am is meant to be unnerving. For you, it has only ever meant the comfort of being the last one left awake. Is there something wrong with you?
This is all you have ever known, so why does it feel so wrong?
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withlovenayohmikins · 10 days
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withlovenayohmikins · 10 days
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I actually think eldest daughters should be allowed at least one instance in their entire lives to just completely lose their shit
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withlovenayohmikins · 10 days
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In another universe I'm not the eldest daughter
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withlovenayohmikins · 10 days
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On the outside: yeah I liked Encanto alright, it was a cute movie
In my headphones:
GIVE IT TO YOUR SISTER AND NEVER WONDER IF THE SAME PRESSURE WOULD HAVE PULLED YOU UNDER
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withlovenayohmikins · 10 days
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web-weaving — eldest daughter syndrome
Repose – John Singer Sargent // Eldest Daughter – Isabel Pless // Old Soul – The Highwomen // I Miss Her and I Blame You – MALINDA // Goodbye – MARINA // Surface Pressure – Encanto
Violet Sargent – John Singer Sargent // Study for Carnation, Lily, Lily, Rose – John Singer Sargent // My Ego Dies at the End – Jensen McRae // You're On Your Own, Kid – Taylor Swift // The Hardest Part – Bre Kennedy and Hadley Kennary// Older Than I Am – Lennon Stella // seven – Taylor Swift
The Black Brook – John Singer Sargent // Eldest Daughter – Isabel Pless // 26 – Carol Ades // Eldest Daughter – Isabel Pless // You're Losing Me – Taylor Swift // champagne problems – Taylor Swift
Girl with a Sickle – John Singer Sargent // The Breakfast Table – John Singer Sargent // Surface Pressure – Encanto // Older Than I Am – Lennon Stella // Control – Bre Kennedy // Surface Pressure – Encanto // Old Soul – The Highwomen
A Dinner Table at Night – John Singer Sargent // this is me trying – Taylor Swift // Let the Rain – Sara Bareilles // The Hardest Part – Bre Kennedy and Hadley Kennary // Half Truths – JOSEPH // this is me trying – Taylor Swift
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withlovenayohmikins · 10 days
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Parents when their eldest daughter shows any form of human emotion:
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Parents when their eldest daughter struggles showing emotions because they emotionally repressed her:
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Parents when their eldest daughter:
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withlovenayohmikins · 10 days
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One of the worst realizations that I have ever made is realizing that all I ever wanted was to be loved by my parents. I never would've turned out like this if they just loved me unconditionally.
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withlovenayohmikins · 10 days
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Peace be upon the daughter who helped her parents grow up. Accepted their cold shoulder, excused their anger, pardoned their mistakes, taught them how to be human. Peace be upon the sister who paid the price of rebellion. Screaming to her fullest, shaking like a leaf but standing tall, never letting the dictatorship go without a fight, paving the path for her siblings to breathe easier. Peace be upon the first child of an immigrant father. Aching to find their own purpose in life, firm in their own beliefs, contradicting generations and generations of cultural values. Peace be upon the girl who shouldered her mother's trauma. Swindled it into her own, morphed herself into an image of the womb she once resided in, immersed herself into troubles that weren't even hers, covered up scars that she couldn't even recognize. Peace be upon the woman who forgot who she was. So determined to be the savior of everyone, to fix her family, to nurture and love everyone around her. So deeply lost that she forgot she's just as worthy of love. Peace be upon you.
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withlovenayohmikins · 2 months
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withlovenayohmikins · 4 months
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Artwork by Enii_Draws
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withlovenayohmikins · 4 months
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People wouldn't have been born crying if the world were a good place
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withlovenayohmikins · 8 months
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It’s sad cause it’s true, those are the only reasons you will ever hear. “I’m going to miss you. How will I be able to handle you gone? What about your partner, or your parents? Would you really do that to them?” It’s never you matter, you belong in this world. You have me to help you get through this, you’re not alone. I care for you. This may be a rough patch right now, but you have so much to offer this world. And so on and so forth.
It’s sad the only good reasons I’ve heard not to kill myself are just other peoples feelings
-C
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withlovenayohmikins · 9 months
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u ever get sad for younger u
like someone shoulda helped u bby
u didn’t deserve it
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withlovenayohmikins · 9 months
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