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iamfuckingsorry · 1 month

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Thinking about that mural from DE

You know which one

TRUE LOVE IS POSSIBLE ONLY IN THE NEXT WORLD, FOR THE NEW PEOPLE. IT IS TOO LATE FOR US. WREAK HAVOC ON THE MIDDLE CLASS

The next world mural. In the game, you encounter this piece very early on if you interact with everything available, you probably see this mural before you've ever even heard of Dora or before you've started to get really serious about your commie tendencies, if that's how you choose to play. And the reaction is like, "wow, this is kinda profound actually". Or maybe it's like, "oh lol, this game really is commie af isn't it" (even though later on it turns out that the game is much more critical of communism than you'd think at first). And the story in the ledger provides some insight into Harry and Jean and how they work together too, so it feels like it makes sense, it fits in very well at that moment in the game and that's it.

But looking back at this mural after you've played through the entire game, knowing what you know of Harry's relationship with Dora...

It's Harry's own fucking love story in a way, isn't it?

Him and Dora came from very different backgrounds. He's genuinely poor, grew up checking the trash cans on the streets for tare and edible food, spent his teenage years running around with a bunch of kids who all OD'd or got themselves killed one way or another over the years. He had dreams of getting an education, getting a chance to use his creativity and curiosity and learn about all that that is worth exploring in this world (which is everything), but those dreams are long dead. She's solidly middle class, with access to all the education and art and music he's always dreamt of, with her family to always fall back on. She's everything Harry's ever dreamt of growing up. She might as well be living in another world.

They fall in love with each other and she moves to Jamrock to live with him. Jamrock, the biggest fucking ghetto in Revachol, full of tweakers and gangsters and just thousands upon thousands of poor people permanently down on their luck trying to get by, with no proper aid or government and a police station so understaffed and underfunded they never even stood a chance. And they can barely make ends meet even living in Jamrock, moving from shithole to shithole, never knowing when they'll have their electricity cut, when something will happen that gets them thrown out, desperately scrambling for a new place to stay. And Dora could never do that, not really - she never actually lived in Jamrock, she always had the possibility of leaving, of going to work across the river and visiting her parents whenever she felt like it or just escaping, packing her shit and getting on the tram and never going back. And as long as she knew she wasn't really, truly stuck in this miserable shithole forever, she wasn't ever really living in Jamrock. And it could never be enough for her.

And she wanted more - for herself, for Harry, for their family, who even knows. Maybe she saw Harry struggling trying and failing to make a difference as a gym teacher and thought he could do more good with the RCM. Maybe she was getting desperate, living in this fucking shithole, and thought they needed more money. Maybe it was something completely else - but what is certain is that Harry ended up joining the RCM, and the 41st, and everyone there is on speed, everyone is miserable and desperate and always running behind playing catch up with the case load, with the crimes, with the drug addicts and rapists and murderers, and Harry, who's always been like this close to a genuine mental breakdown, just fucking falls apart. He needs to help people, needs to make a difference, and working at the 41st, with the budget and case load and staffing situation and the pure fucking misery in the area. He goes out and meets a miserable person after a miserable person and he can't do anything else than be nice, make their day a little bit more manageable, do his best- but he knows that no matter what he does, his best won't be enough. He won't be able to make a dent in the pure fucking misery that is Jamrock. But he needs to, so he drinks, he smokes, he does drugs, he loses any semblance of control he ever had over the voices in his head, the dude telling him to hit shit and the dude telling him to forget everything and just get fucked up and Revachol herself screaming at him about her imminent death. And in the end Dora can't stand it anymore and she leaves (and, honestly, good for her. I'm happy for her. But this is about Harry, and Harry isn't, he isn't able to be happy for her at this point in time).

And like. I personally doubt that she'd have left just because of the money if everything else was good. I honestly even doubt that the money was that big of an issue for her to start with, it was all the other issues first and then the fact that they couldn't even rent a fucking VHS and play it at times became just one more thing on top of this already massive pile of shit that broke the proverbial camel's back. But in Harry's mind, he was never rich enough for her. She was always the middle class girl who settled for the poor fuck, and he was never gonna be good enough for her because he was just a broke dude from Jamrock. She was perfect and so so beautiful and at one point her love was the only thing keeping him going, and then she left because he couldn't even

And from what we can see in the game she was the only person he's ever really, truly loved.

But in his mind, they could never be together again. They could try as they might, but it was never gonna work out, because she was a rich girl and he was just a poor miserable fuck. He grew up looking for change on the streets, she took piano lessons in a fancy part of town. The difference was just too large to ever truly be bridged.

So for post-breakup Harry, prior to Martinaise and even during the events in Martinaise, true love was never actually possible. It is possible only for the new people, in the next world. It was too late for him - he had his chance, and it was an impossible thing, it could never have worked out and now he's wasted it. Because of the inherent differences between different social classes. It is too late for him. So yeah, fuck it, wreak havoc on the fucking middle class. Fuck those rich bastards who took Dora from him, and fuck Dora too.

On another note, this was also one of the most recent cases him and Jean worked on prior to Martinaise. I don't remember the date exactly, but it was in his last ledger, it must have been pretty recent. Do you think he saw the mural and thought about it the same way I did? Maybe this was the one that truly pushed him over the edge? The impossible love. It truly was too late for him. The only way to fix it is a new fucking start. And how do you get that?

After life - death. After death - life again.

#disco elysium #harry du bois #harrier du bois #dora ingerlund #DE #herr's personal tag #next world mural #when first playing the game I didn't even really stop to think about the middle class line #the love part of the mural honestly felt very powerful to me #and I opened the compartment and read the letter right afterwards #so i had a lot to think about in addition to just this #anyway #this is more of a “what if” rant than any actual metaanalysis #our story about Dora is extremely influenced by Harry's point of view #but at the same time #every design decision in this game is deliberate #or most of them anyway #is this something the game designers were actually thinking of when designing the mural?#was that an intentional decision on their side?#or is it just me reading too much into random shit while missing important details elsewhere again?#who knows #midnight rant

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knightofmordred · 2 years

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literally one of the main reasons why people claim arthur didn't care about gwen, or that arwen didn't have chemistry is because they simply didn't pay attention to gwen or her ships like...at all!

there's so much racism and antiBlackness in fandoms to the point not only are people antiBlack but also Black characters are just invisible to them.

i see so many posts and tweets saying "arthur didn't care about gwen because x and x but he cares more about merlin because x" and its like, if you actually watch the show and just pay that little bit more of attention you would see that's not the case at all!

i mean the fact someone once said to me "gwen went willingly to morgana whereas merlin was kidnapped" really says it all tbh

anyway i am sick and tired of the claims arthur cared nothing for gwen.

"he didn't notice when gwen was enchanted but noticed when merlin didn't smile for 3 days" yeah he also didn't notice when merlin was OBVIOUSLY enchanted (he wasn't himself at all) whereas gwen was still acting as her normal self whilst enchanted. merlin being depressed bc his father died was noticed by arthur because he watched merlin cry over balinor and assumed merlin was still upset about his death.

you claim arthur cares more about merlin bc he pays more attention to him but then where was the attention when merlin was distancing himself? when something wad clearly wrong and merlin changed in s5? the countless deaths merlin had to endure (and how merlin probs felt the same as he did when his father died).

my point in this is people claim that arthur cared more about merlin than gwen due to one scene but say nothing when arthur didn't pick up on all these other serious things? it makes no sense and clearly just shows you're an antiBlack hypocrite

you can ship arwen and merthur or all three of them together. stop fucking pitting them against one another esp with all the blatant antiBlackness which goes around anyway

#midnight rant #angry bc merlin fans are the worst #bbc merlin #merlin #gwen pendragon #arthur pendragon #bbc arwen #merthur

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mjlw · 1 year

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You know how when you were a kid -before you learned about reality, and money, and that dreams don’t always come true, and before you heard that they don’t send people to the moon anymore- you had a dream that was so pure that hope almost seemed to bead on your skin like cool water on a glass in the middle of July? My dream was to dance. Because even when I was so young, I knew what it felt like to cry yourself to sleep at night, and that somehow when I danced the bad thoughts couldn’t catch me.

Now it hurts though, it clogs my lungs and pushes out in short, shallow, breaths. It gets caught in my heart and tries to push out there too, I can see it. My heart beats so hard I can see it through my skin. Shoot for the moon, you will land among the stars, I didn’t know the stars would be the ones that cloud my vision as I fall to the ground because of low blood pressure . It’s like I didn’t get the manual that tells my body how to regulate itself. I just want to be ok again.

#disautonomia #orthostatic intolerance #midnight rant #conic illness #pots #its not actually pots but its very similar #i should by reusable spoons #spoonie

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crimniko · 1 year

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I love when I am about to sleep and my brain, just wakes up. And wants to write some cool story, anything really. Flight Rising lore to just random story about my ocs. Why am I cursed ;W; It's almost midniiight

#crimnikorant #midnight rant

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rinsilverstar223 · 2 years

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I don't know if anyone else in the MDZS fandom has acknowledged this yet, but I just came to a startling realization:

Only 13 years passed between WWX's death and MXY's sacrifice to bring him back. At the time of his death, JL was only about a month old since WN killed JZX on their way to JL's one month celebration. This means that they've been letting a 13 year old run about on his own. If cultivators start their training at 7 usually, that means he's only been training for 6 years. This is why he gets into trouble all the time. He's barely a teenager with probably next to no experience and has obviously been spoiled a lot.

Why in the name of all things good have they been okay with JL running around on his own!? At least LSZ and LJY are like 17 or 18 with a good 10 or so years of training and experience under their belts!

#midnight rant #mdzs #this is making me so upset #JC should know better #is WWX the only one who actually cares about JL?#JL is like literally everyone's nephew in some way #why are they letting him dive headfirst into danger

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dailyjournalsblog · 2 years

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I am an adult, and while I let that sink in, I desperately need a stranger, preferably from a different planet, or maybe a different country to talk to me.

I guess what I am saying is, that I need a new best friend.

Reasons why you should talk to me:

I am a great listener.

I am a Virgo, I know that is a cliche but it is very appealing

I can speak English, so language is a no barrier

I am lonely, and desperate, not in a dirty way, but in an "oh-i-wish-i-had-someone-to-talk-to-maybe-then-i-wouldn't-have-to-be-sad-all-the-time.

I do not ask a lot of questions.

I did not think I would run out of options so soon.

maybe there is a reason why I am so effing alone

oh my god, is it me? am I the reason?

forget it, this was stupid anyways.

#need a friend #virgo #virgo quotes #midnight rant #asking people to love me is a kind of vulnerability no one really prepared me for #spilled journal #excerpts #spilled ink #writersblr #spilled ideas #I guess next step would be tweeting Elon Musk about giving me money #maybe i should text some influencers like David dobrik and maybe he will give me a tesla and all my problems would vanish #suggest some new influencers #i am so bored #habitual self destructer

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astiesgoldenberry · 2 years

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Imagine "waking" up in the middle of the night, you feel like something's wrong as soon as you open your eyes but you can't understand why. Did you leave a light on downstairs? Did you forget to lock all the doors and windows? As these thoughts rush through your mind, someone next to you throws their arm over your waist, asking what's bothering you and telling you that you should go back to sleep. You don't turn to them but you do start explaining that something feels weird, you feel like there's something wrong. As they quietly comfort you, a thought crossed your mind...you live alone! You quickly turn to look beside you but no one's there, you're alone on your bed. You frantically grab your phone to use it as a flashlight to look around your room while getting up and rushing to turn the lights on. You look around your room and no one is there. You call someone on your phone, a friend, a family member, or your neighbour, just to tell them about what had happened, scared someone broke into your house. As they were about to say something, you actually wake up. It's 4 AM, you hear people yelling outside, and everything seems normal. You look over at the empty side of your bed and hazily remember your dream. You don't exactly remember the comforting words they told you but you know they were comforting. You're just laying in bed, wishing that they were back in your room, continuing to comfort you.

[ Don't judge me for making this 😭]

#midnight rant #ignore me #im going insane

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coconutshygame · 2 years

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I genuinely feel offended when someone calls him sir lewis Hamilton😒 not sure if I do cause he got the title from that royal family or if I do because there's only ever one sir in existence and that's Sir Alex Ferguson, or maybe it's his fans talking about how Max is somehow is jealous about it...while being dutch.... they're without brains. But still... yeah

#midnight rant #i once blocked a mutual for it #then realized that was extreme #they're still blocked tho fuck'em #but i just realized deep down inside😅

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moonsnightowl · 4 months

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I just hate it when my mind decides to plan my life and the monthly budget of the entire family at bedtime!! Not in the morning, no, at bedtime!

Like can we daydream please? Anything that can help me relax and not curse the global economic crisis!??

#midnight rant

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yuri-no-majo · 6 months

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The "how I look with he/him pronouns in my bio" meme really is just people assuming pronouns of characters and people they don't know shit about.

#shitpost #gender #midnight rant

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kairibloodheart · 9 months

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You know how they announced 'Kairi is gonna get her own game!' And it turns out to be a rhythm game where you are staring at the back of Sora's head for the majority of it despite it being 'Kairi's game?'

Fuvk that. I want kingdom hearts 4 to be Kairi stomping ass with Dasiy duck (as a competent healer) and clarabelle cow. With the first goal of tracking sora down then realizing that actually, sora has been kind of a shitty friend and shit at his job of stopping the darkness. She's actually been doing a better job at this. So fuk em and she has Axel join their team and the girl squad defeats ansem, his millions of clones, and darkness as a malevolent force one and for all. Then she moves back to her pre island home, she is house mates with axel who is running a small business with other from the games while she is going through college mainly to she can make more friends and learn how to help keep her friend's business from crashing and burning. The end.

#midnight rant

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theshitpostcalligrapher · 2 years

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POV your fiance drew short straw and had to go do baby attorney things in whatever hell-journey his employer threw him at

text ID under the cutoff

My Dearest Mina,

Motherfucking Count Dracula Jesus Christ fuck dear motherfuckin castle death trap bullshit Jesus can you fucking believe this shit

God damn creepy vampire then fucking mind reading and shit right fucking wolf howling flames god damn driving the carriage yo shit I can't even fucking believe this shit have you seen this shit fuck I just watched this shit fuck Count Dracula Mina

Motherfucking Spider-man Spider-man you put in the time fuck put in the time motherfucking climbed shit with his bare hands fucking lizard ass shit Count Dracula I'm very tired.

I'll just talk about the creepy castle all day shit man you have to be so interested in the shit I have to say about the creepy castle fuck dear just watched him an hour and a half ago fuck Count Dracula man he climbed over Spider-man crazy Wolf and blue flames driving Mister Hawk Ins did the contract fuck this guy who’s built the castle I don't like dying I can't think of who the fuck built the castle All I can think is who paid the guy who built the castle who the fuck builds castles????

VLAD DRACUL.[incoherent ink splatter that i hopefully haven’t ruined a nib to make]

~All my love,

Jonathan Harker

p.s. paprika hendl recipe enclosed, share copy around :) :) :)

#dracula daily #I had a notion at midnight and went through with it #facebook rant #dracula #calligraphy #jonathan harker #mina #man i dunno

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mjlw · 1 year

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No because I can’t even kiss my boyfriend without getting heart palpitations

#a thinkers thoughts #conic illness #disautonomia #its not actually pots but its very similar #orthostatic intolerance #boyfriend #midnight rant

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cleabellanov · 3 months

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"But Lokius isn't even canon! Stop making everything gay!"

...

The Loki series isn't just about romantic relationships and shouldn't be seen as so. However, there is a lot of subtext. Maybe this ship is not canon, but it was intended to be seen as so by the fans.

If Lokius isn't canon, then why were the last two shots of the series showing Mobius and Loki?

If Lokius isn't canon, why would there be so much touching and scenes so physically close to one another? (believe me I know they're friends. that just offers a solid base for something more)

If Lokius isn't canon, why is there an OFFICIAL track named like that?

Why is said track played or incorporated in different scenes of the series? like

-the first McDonalds meeting with Sylvie,

-the back-in-time conversation with Kang

- the ASCENSION to the throne?

Why is the Sylvie and Loki kiss never mentioned, by the producers, in the series per se, or even in the season 1 recap?

Why is Mobius the only one looking at Loki when he leaves down to the temporal loom?

And the other way around, why did Loki only make eye contact with Mobius in that scene?

Why is Mobius the only one to notice there is something wrong when Loki is still trying to fix the Loom?

Why did Mobius/Don on the original timeline, mention he's single, trust a complete stranger, invite him for a drink, AND offer to sell him a quite personal jet-ski?

Why did Loki, the LITERAL GOD OF MISCHIEF stutter and fix his hair and coat for no one else but Mobius (who by the way is just a jetski salesman on that timeline)?

Why is the timeslipping Loki had to go through directed to Mobius twice, him being the the only one he doesn't need a TemPad to "recruit"?

Why would Loki bring up Thor and Jane if it wasn't to mirror him and Mobius? (because, as he already was talking to Sylvie, he certainly wasn't implying it's about her. They were arguing, AND Mobius was implied in the conversation. Loki defended him in front of Sylvie, in case you forgot.)

Why would Mobius's voice be the one to echo back to Loki on his throne? let time pass time pass time pass

Why the RAINBOW?

WHY DID LOKI LOOK AT MOBIUS RIGHT BEFORE THE FAMOUS LINE "IT'S ABOUT WHO"? (important mention: Sylvie was behind him when he said that. why didn't he just turn around when saying it? nope, they know what they're doing)

Why is the shot cut to Mobi after Loki's "it was more about what I wanted" line?

Why the shot where 7 characters could've been showed (Mobius, Loki, Sylvie, B-15, Casey, O.B., Victor Timely) there are only 2: Mobius and Loki?

Why is Mobius the only one to tell Loki he can be someone good, and the first one Loki actually believes despite his tendency to do the other way around in the past?

Why does Mobius finally find insight, and reinvent his whole life at the TVA because Loki helped him do so? (they're not even the first Loki variant he faced, but something clicked this time)

Why does the bloody sleeve, representing Loki being hurt by Sylvie just because he "wore his heart on his sleeve" disappear on episode 2? (because he finally understands who he needs to be next to)

Why did Mobius risk his life on the first episode?

Why did Loki go to past Mobius for the final advice, not to the present one, not to Sylvie?

Why did Loki ultimately sacrifice his life for the ones he loves?

And why is Mobius left alone, with the door locked, after Loki leaves in the Loom's radiation?

Why would there be so much endearing looks, and smiles at each other, if not for a conscious acting choice?

Why why why why why if it isn't canon?

Nothing is for nothing. Especially in television, where everything counts from the light to the angles and the way the lines are spoken.

We don't need to see two characters kiss to know they are made for one another. In fact, I think implied canon is so much better for now, because it leaves free interpretation for the fans, and nothing to strike on for the haters.

Of course, that doesn't change the fact that the ending is still tragic, although it holds its sweet from bittersweet. But remember: there aren't tragedies without love.

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spitblaze · 1 year

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I will say this once because I'm tired of seeing stupid discourse: anti-transmasculinity is not about being treated bad because we clock as men, it's about being treated as stupid little girls because transphobes think we've been tricked into this.

It's kind of the opposite of transmisogyny- instead of fear and revulsion, it's constant condescension, the implications that we've been whisked away from femininity by scary bad guys, that we're going to cause 'irreparable damage' because we don't know what's best for ourselves, somehow. People fearmonger a lot about the "ugliness" of transfem people, but for transmasc people that 'ugliness' is used as a warning- you'll look like THIS! You'll go BALD! Your top surgery scars will leave you MUTILATED! A lot of aesthetic concerns. Worry about our 'beauty'. Because it comes from that same stupid reactionary 'we gotta SAVE the WOMEN' shit, but this time they have to save them from getting 'stolen away', as if we're being seduced or pressured into this. As if we can't make our own decisions.

For TERFS specifically, they're losing one of their own. We're 'gender traitors', willingly aligning ourselves with the half of the population they consider unilaterally dangerous and evil.

We aren't REALLY trans, we just want the benefits that men get. You don't actually want to transition, you're just trying to avoid misogyny.

You aren't actually a man, you're just a self-loathing lesbian.

Why can't you just be a butch girl? Why can't you just be a tomboy?

Why can't you just be something that I don't think is icky?

Anyway. Like all things, it boils down to misogyny. Women stupid and gentle, dont know what best for them, evil men trick into taking man juice, must save because lady stupid and dont know what best for them (having babies and being Feminine).

Theres like. Obviously more to this but I'm just a Transmasc Rando explaining this from my perspective, and I'm not the best with words. Anyone is free to hop in and add on to this

#long post #transphobia #spitblaze says things #anti-transmasculinity #several disclaimers #i do not think misandry is real.#i think stigmatization of masculinity is real with a lot of women and terfs specifically #i think a lot of people whether they know it or not consider men to be inherently 'bad'#i think men are very often treated as emotionless and 'tough' by default which causes a lot of issues #but thats not anywhere near the level of misogyny. its a separate issue and not related #im not trying to say that trans men somehow have it 'worse' than trans women?? what would thay even accomplish. this isnt a pissing contest #and even if it was I'd lose #and my wording isnt the best bc this is a Midnight Rant and not a scholarly article #if you want to pick a fight about semantics consider that theres a good chance that i genuinely didnt realize what i said #anyway uh. yeah. this discourse is dumb i cant belive its happening #and i especially cant belive how bad people are at articulating the actual point of the matter #(not that im one to talk lmao)#doin numbers

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debatablyspicydurian · 12 days

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I know the full arsenal update is out and hype for that but I just found the gutterman's poem in 7-2 and I HAVE to type about it because its night where I am and I cant wake up my friends to rant about Ultrakill.

Anyway, absolutely indescribable how we have the thoughts of a machine just laid bear in a secret for the first and maybe last time. The fact that a machine made for merciless slaughter could not only feel sadness for the person powering it but also WRITE a POEM? A machine made art??? The knowledge that they understand how cruel it is to make a human a blood battery, recognize it as torture, but also feel gratitude for the life they've been given?? It was known that machines had a sense of aesthetic from Swordsmachine and Mindflayer's entries but. Goddamn. The gutterman refers to the human as their mother and it states it CRIED when it crushed her skull as it hoped it would redeem its life.

Also the excerpt, "I know I know you would hate me so, and mother of me, I do too." Does this mean the Gutterman hated itself as much as the human? Did it hate the human instead along with the feelings of love and gratitude? Probably the former. Gutterman angst is so in.

V2's mannerisms and Swordsmachine's data entry are intresting, but a gutterman's eulogy for its prisoner and its attempt at redemption is another level. Actual machine thought process recorded!! Sapient lifeform that knows only war and death! The fact that the gutterman crushing the human's skull seemed to be out of mercy. Ough.

Noone has to interact I havent proof read this I am just RANTING this is CRAZY HAKITA HOW COULD YOU AND THE TEAM DO THIS

#ultrakill #gutterman #I dont post my own things like. ever. But I NEEDED to get this off my chest or something Very Normal was gonna happen (I would explode)#midnight ranting. why does the blood bot on hell game do this. they cant keep getting away with it.#i dont even know if the human was a woman in a literal 'mother' sense but I think the gutterman was being metaphorical since yknow #the final part of the poem reads that the human's final thoughts left long ago so Im not even sure if it was a mercy kill #or the human died in the coffin and the gutterman tried to atone by crushing the head post mortem

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