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andydrysdalerogers · 8 months

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Under the Hood

Dark! Mechanic Steve Rogers x F!Reader

A broken car, a handsome hero. Nothing but a spark between you. If only you knew...

Song: Tainted Love by Soft Cell

Word Count: ~ 2.7K

Warning: 18+ only! SMUT!, drugging, dub-con, degradation, oral (f-receiving), dark! Steve Rogers

Mood board by: @georgiapeach30513

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

A/N: This came from the mood board challenge game that @georgiapeach30513 hosted a few weeks ago. I spun the wheels and have been pushed out of my comfort zone. My spins were Mechanic Steve Rogers, degradation and drugging. Please heed the warnings below.

As this is an out of my comfort zone fic, feedback would be appreciated but being mean or rude comments will not be tolerated and you will be promptly blocked.

Doing my normal taglist at the bottom. Please let me know if you want to be removed.

Main Master List

Climbing down the steps of your building, your smile is big as you look forward to your day. Being an art teacher was fun, especially with the younger children. As you climbed in your vehicle, you couldn’t help but sigh. Today was going to be a great day.

But then, your car wouldn’t start.

“C’mon,” you muttered. Your smile fell. This was an older car for sure, but it wasn’t that old. You got out and popped the hood. Not seeing anything out of place. You tossed your head back and sighed. So much for it being a great day.

“Need some help?”

You jumped and whipped around to the voice behind you. A man, a gorgeous man stood behind you, a rag wiping grease from his hands. You eyed him, up and down. Blonde hair, blue eyes, scruff around his chiseled jaw, white, dirty shirt that was fitted to a narrow waist and tone legs wrapped in jeans. Motorcycle boots finished the look and you managed to look back up at the Adonis standing in front of you. You swallow, “my car won’t start.”

“I can see that. Can I look?” He smiled but you hesitated. “My name is Steve and I work at the garage.” He pointed to the garage, Barnes Automotive. It had been a staple in the neighborhood for years.

“Sure.” You stepped aside, smoothing out your dress as Steve ducked his head under the hood. You chewed your lip as he fiddled with the engine.

“Looks like there are a couple of problems, sweetheart. Gonna take a few weeks to repair.” He looked at you as he cleaned his hands.

“No,” you whispered. Tears began to flood your eyes. What were you going to do? You had to get to work and now you were stuck.

“You ok?”

“No,” you repeated, louder this time. “I don’t know a lot of people in this town and I’m not sure how I’ll get to work and stuff.” You sniffed, trying to keep the tears at bay.

“Well, I can give you a ride,” Steve offered. “I’m at the garage early and I can step out to take you and pick you up. We’re neighbors after all.”

“Oh, I couldn’t impose.”

“My mama would whoop my ass if I left a lady all alone, stranded. Promise, I don’t bite.” He smiled again and you melted. There was nothing wrong with accepting help. “C’mon sweetheart, what do say?”

And it started. Every day, Steve would give you a ride in his classic black Mustang and pick you up every night. You would chat the five or so miles every day. He had coffee ready for you, once he learned of your preferences. He was charming and sweet.

And every day, you fell, more and more.

Steve was falling in love.

Well, to be honest, he had been in love with you for months. When he first saw you, you were moving into the neighborhood. You were beautiful, your hair swept up in a bun at the top of your head with a glitter headband that made him think you had a halo. Jean short that hugged your ass as your shirt was knotted at the waist. Just the sight of you made his dick twitch, your hair, skin, clothes, everything made his blood sing.

“I need to know her,” he told his best friend, Bucky.

Bucky whistled, “she is a dime. What’s your plan?”

“Get to know her. However way I can.” Steve smirked and walked away, putting his plan into motion.

About six weeks into the repairs, you needed a mental health day. You sent a text to Steve to let him know that you were staying home.

You: I’m sorry, I need a rest day, not going to work

Steve: everything ok?

You: yeah, I'm just needed a break. Going to veg on the couch

You: I’ll miss your coffee tho

You got no response to that last message. Frowning, you went to make your own cup when there was a knock on the door. Curious, you looked through the peephole and smiled. “Steve, what are you doing here?”

“I didn’t want you to miss your cup of coffee.” He held out the travel mug to you, the special one he bought especially after mixing up the cups once before.

“Oh, you didn’t have to be so sweet,” you swooned. You took the cup and took a sip. “So good.”

Steve grinned; “I added some cinnamon to the coffee.”

“God, my own personal barista.” You gave him a big smile. “You want to come in?”

“Sure, if that’s ok.”

“It is. I’m just taking a me day today. Veg out, you know.”

Steve frowned. “Veg out?”

“Lay like broccoli.” You giggled. “It's from a movie. Pretty Woman?”

“Never seen it.”

Your jaw dropped. “Steve! How could you have gone through life without seeing Pretty Woman. Rich guy meets hooker, and they make an arrangement to help him. But before she gets paid, she falls in love.” You clutch your hands to your chest. “And then the guy chases after her to tell her he loves her too.”

“Sweetheart, I’m a guy. We don’t watch movies like that.”

“Well, you will today.” You took his hand and tugged him to the couch. You sat down next to him and pulled your blanket over your legs.

“Sweetheart...”

“Nope. I need to educate you.” You flipped on the movie and reached for your coffee to sip. As the movie started, you snuggled closer to Steve, the warmth of his body drawing you in. The smell of the coffee, his cologne mixed with his natural scent was an aphrodisiac. You sighed when he put his arm around behind you.

Steve ran his long fingers over your skin, fluttering along the now sensitive flesh on your arm. Suddenly, you wanted to be closer. You scooted right next to him and laid your head on his shoulder as he dropped his arm around your waist. His fingers now played with the strip of flesh that was exposed from your shirt riding up.

“Steve,” you whispered.

“Yeah baby, this ok?”

You turned your head up to look up at him. He could see your pupils were blown, desire and lust filled them that all he could see was black. He smirks as he trails his finger down your cheek and watches as your eyes close from the sensation. “Open them,” he growls. You blink your eyes open to see the positively feral look in his eyes. “Mine.” And he kisses you.

It’s everything you didn’t expect but everything you dreamed of. His lips are soft, but they kiss you rough and needy. You’re needy. You shift or he shifts you, you’re not exactly sure but now you’re in his lap, straddling him, your hands on his face to hold him to you, his arms around your hips. You pulled back to breathe. “Steve,” you mumbled.

“You like this, don’t you baby girl. Rubbing yourself on me like a little slut.” He pulled you back in and rocked your hips back and forth on his lap. Your thin cotton shorts allowed him to feel how hot your pussy was, and it left nothing to the imagination. The friction on your pussy from his erection pushing up through his jeans was mind-blowing.

Desire flooded your blood, his words setting you on fire. “Fuck, Steve,” you moaned as your hips began to move on their own.

“That’s it, grind on my cock. Fucking slut.” Steve assaulted your neck and shoulders, moving your shirt out of the way. “Fuck this,” he yanked the shirt off of your body, grinning at the fact that you had no bra on. “God damn, these tits are just made to be sucked on.”

“Yes, please,” you moaned. Your mind was spiraling; you’ve never been so turned on. It borderline hurt, the need to have Steve touch you, taste you, fill you. God, you needed Steve to fuck you, like yesterday.

Steve chuckles darkly at your neediness. “I’m going to destroy this pussy soon enough baby.” When you whined louder, he grinned. “You like that, don’t you, you dirty whore. You want me to wreck this body.” You nodded and Steve flipped you onto the couch, so he hovered on top. He rolled his hips against you, and you shuddered at his hard length pressing into you. “How long has it been, hmm?”

You went silent, embarrassed at how long it had been since you had been with a man. Lust was overcoming your senses, but you resisted answering him.

“It's been that long, huh?” Steve chuckled as he took a nipple into his mouth. Your back arched, relishing the feeling of his hot mouth on you.

“S-steve, fuck, please!”

“Oh, beg for me, slut, beg for what you want. Fucking brat can’t wait, can she? Maybe I’ll choke you on my cock so I can see your lips wrapped around me.” You keened at the suggestion and Steve’s jaw dropped for a second before pulling himself off of you and moving you to your knees. “Open, fucking cock tease and choke on me.”

You didn’t hesitate, wait, why didn’t you hesitate? Your mind was in a daze of lust and yearning.

And Steve knew.

He knew why you didn’t hesitate. For once, John Walker had been proven useful. “Just a drop,” he said, “in her drink and she becomes putty in your hands.” And the six weeks of spending time together in the car had put your guard down. So trusting, so innocent, so … his.

The first touch of your lips on his cock was like lighting up his spine. “Fuck, that mouth is hot,” he moaned as you bobbed on the tip. You weren't sure if you could take all of Steve. He was the largest you had ever seen or been with. Steve threaded his hand into your hair and pushed you deeper onto him. “I said to choke, you stupid slut. I want my dick to be imprinted on your throat.” His other hand grabbed at your neck and squeezed just enough to feel his cock. “That’s it, my little slut.”

You gagged as his cock punched your throat. Tears mixed your saliva as you took as much of Steve as you could. The man was at least nine inches of solid, velveting man and just feeling every ridge made yor core tingle in delight.

Before Steve could release, he pulled back. “No, I want to cum inside this pussy.” He lifted you off the floor and into his arms, wrapping your legs around his waist. His cock was nestled in between you and you could feel it pulsing, wanting to release and fill you with his warmth. “I wanna watch my cum leak out of your gaping, stretched out hole so I can push it back into it.” You shuddered at his words. Steve chuckled. You like that, hmm? He throws you on the bed and reaches for your sleep shorts. Not even fighting me. Horny bitch. He rips the rest of your clothes away and you squeak at the force.

He latches on to a nipple and your back arches as he bites and tugs on the peak. “St-st-steve,” you wail as he continues to lavish attention.

“Beg for it, slut. Beg me to fuck you hard. Beg for my cock to fill you up and leave my seed I your womb, fucking cock drunk whore.” You cry as he sinks down as pulls your clit between his teeth. “Knew you were cock drunk when you can’t even beg. Beg, dammit! Beg or I won’t give you want you want! God damn slut! Bet you just prance around like a goddam tease for all of the other guys in the neighborhood. Bet you have a line so they can just use you.” His big hand covered your throat.

This snaps you out of your daze, grabbing onto his wrist. “No! No I don’t. I’m not a whore!”

“Yes, you are, slut. Wasted no time letting me in here. Am I the first?” He scoffed. “I doubt it.”

“No! No! Just you, only you, Stevie, just you!” You cried as Steve held your throat tighter. “Only want you,” you whispered as the air flow began to dwindle.

Steve felt your hand begin to loosen from his wrist and he let go of the pressure. You gasped and he pushed hard into your tight heat. “Fuuuuuck,” he moaned, feeling you wrapped around him.

You tried to make a noise at the intrusion, pain screaming through your body. But your brain, well your brain enjoyed the pain. It wanted to Steve’s cock to wreck your body but had no idea why. You just needed him and the pain was worth the pleasure you were feeling now. Steve withdrew and you whimpered at the slight loss. He chuckled. “Needy cock slut.” He slammed back into you, and you found your voice, screaming.

He kept the pace, pounding into you as his filthy words penetrating the air. His cock was so deep, you swore it was in your stomach at this point. His pubic hair was brushing along your clit, sending zings through your core, causing you to clench around him.

“Oh fuck, this pussy is gripping me so tight. Wanna cum, slut? Use your words.”

“Pl-please!”

“Words, fucking cunt. Use. Your. WORDS!” He punctuated each word with a thrust into you.

“Please let me cum!” You screamed as the pleasure was reaching its point.

“CUM!”

He roared as he pinched your clit.

It was like lighting through you. You pulsed and exploded, squeezing his cock so hard, he couldn’t move. “That’s it, fuck, Such a good little whore.” The tension in your body eased and you were pliant under Steve. He continued to move, thrusting to meet his end. You cried out from oversensitivity.

“Can’t,” you cried.

“Oh yes you can.” Steve kissed you hard until you were bubbling underneath him, your body climbing again. “I need to fill this body with my cum. Fuck, gonna make you a mommy, little whore.”

Why would he say that? You thanked God that you were on birth control but still his words, shit, his words were bringing your body to the brink again. “Steve,” you moaned.

“Ready for another? Wanna be my cum drop, hmm? Let me fuck my baby into you?” Steve thrusted harder and harder. You cried out, his hips slamming into you. “That’s it, cum again. Let me fill this slutty pussy up.” One, two and you were gone, eyes rolling back as your body arched from the third explosive orgasm of the day. “Fuck! Yes!” And with a thrust, Steve flooded your womb with his warmth. He slowed his hips, dumping everything he had into you.

He lay on top, his head in the crook of your neck, catching his breath. You didn’t move and when he lifted his head, he smirked as he realized you were passed out under him. He pulled out and saw his cum starting to seep out. “Whoops, gotta keep the good stuff in there.” He pushed his cum back into you.

After grabbing a towel from your bathroom and cleaning you up, he went back to the living room and saw a couple of things had fallen from his jacket. He saw the packet of pills, snorting at the thought of him switching out your birth control for the last few weeks. “A necessary evil,” he said to himself. Honestly, he wanted a family as soon as possible with you and hopefully this session took.

The second item was more unusual, but it was the catalysis to start his dreams. The saying was that you just need a spark to start something wonderful. But really, you just needed a spark plug to get our engine going. Not that you were going to be going anywhere other than to his apartment to start your new life.

He tsk at the thought. If only she knew to check under the hood more often.

Ah well. Lesson learned. Future planned. Girl secured.

@patzammit

@texmexdarling

@slutforchrisjamalevans

@jennmurawski13-writes

@firephotogrl74

@tinkerbelle67

@before-we-get-started

@bunnyforhim

@alexakeyloveloki

@amiquette

#andy's shenanigans #Andy's dark place #Steve rogers #steve rogers smut #mechanic Steve rogers #steve rogers au #steve rogers x reader #chris evans smut #chris evans #under the hood #steve rogers one shot #chris evans fanfiction

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bigtreefest · 1 month

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Outta Nowhere AU

Main Masterlist

Decks vs. Honeybee reader distinctions

You Catch More Bees With Honey

(Mob! Bucky x Farmer! Reader)

Handiwork

(Mechanic! Farmhand! Curtis x Bartender! Reader)

The Rainmaker

(Mob! Steve x Forensic Scientist! Reader)

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nitpickrider · 7 months

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So they didn't actually "change" a single thing about their operations. Selling exotic weapons is what they always did, they're just doing it to governments now rather than criminals. And that is WAY worse. Captain America 387

#marvel #marvel comics #marvel universe #marvel heroes #superhero #comics #captain america #steve rogers #AIM #advanced idea mechanics

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navybrat817 · 1 year

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Dialed In: Motocross AU

Pairings: Various men with female readers. ❤️

AU Summary: On or off the track, these men are dialed in to get what they want: you. 🔥

AU Warnings: Explicit sexual content, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), oral sex (m. and f. receiving), dirty talk, fluff, flirting, feels, slight angst, porn with feels (it's me, lovelies), more to be added.

A/N: This was inspired by an edit the beautiful Nix provided me with! I hope you all enjoy this AU and the various pairings. Please heed the warnings before each post and I will update as time allows. Banner and moodboard by yours truly. Banner by the amazing @sgt-seabass and divider by the lovely @saradika . Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

Bucky Barnes x Reader - Hothead and Spitfire

→ Starting Gate

→ Break Check

→ Friendly Competition

→ Epinephrine

→ Jump Scare

Jake Jensen x Reader - Loser and Lucky

→ Lapper

→ All Tied Up

→

Ari Levinson x Reader - Beast and Sweetart

→ Downshift

→ A Phone Call Away

→

Hal Carter x Reader - Cowboy and Belle

→ Whip

→ Picture Perfect

→

Destroyer!Chris x Reader - Blue and Kitten

→ Over the Hood

→

Curtis Everett x Reader - Rusty and Princess

→ Soiled

Steve Rogers x Reader - Champ and Daisy

→ Focus

Moodboards inspired by this AU

Love and thanks for reading! ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

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sunnysideprincess · 6 months

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Steve running until he can't anymore. Chest and feet burning. His lungs feeling like they'd collapse

Natasha dancing until her feet are bleeding, her arms are shaking and her vision is swimming

Clint shooting arrows after arrows until his fingers are cut on the strings or he just can't feel his skin anymore

Bucky wrecking punching bags until he thinks he can feel the phantom pain of his left arm getting chopped off

Sam doing the most dangerous free fall dives with the suits, trying to feel closer to Riley

Tony taking the suit to dangerous new heights (to space), or dangerous new lows (to ocean)

Thor letting himself feel the burn of thunder, getting struck one two three however times it takes to know the hurt

Bruce sinking down to the bottom of the pool and sitting there calmly until he feels the acidity of water entering his lungs, until Hulk bursts out and spends the next week hiding under the skin of Bruce Banner

Just—Avengers and their unhealthy coping mechanisms

#avengers #steve rogers #natasha romanoff #bucky barnes #clint barton #tony stark #sam wilson #thor odinson #bruce banner #tw: self harm #unhealthy coping mechanisms

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purpleturtletragedy · 6 months

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Savage!!

Steve : Y/n , I have something to tell you.

Y/n: Go on.

Steve: I love you , I always have , I always will.

Y/n :Oh My God ! That is such a COINCIDENCE!!

*stevie just getting his hopes up*

Y/n: I love myself too ! I always have , I always will.

*brings shades down to head with a hair flick, catwalks away *

Natasha : *laughing her ass off in the background *

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x mechanic reader #steve rogers #marvel #mcu incorrect quotes #lol

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scrumptious-delusion · 1 year

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If you're still doing fake titles, can you do "in forgotten whispers"?

I love your stuff, it's all so good

IN FORGOTTEN WHISPERS

fake fic title drabbles

summary: you ran, he let you. after being away for nearly two years you’ve decided enough is enough. you’re finally returning home to face the man you left behind and to make do on the promises you made him.

pairing: mechanic!steve rogers x female!reader

warnings: swearing, a little bit of ✨ spice ✨.

a/n: partly inspired by this song.

excerpt:

“He’s been out there for three hours.”

“Is he really waiting for her to come out?”

“How did she even walk away from him in the first place?”

Linda and Marie fall silent as you near, delusional enough to think that you - or anyone else, haven’t heard them.

Something that would be quite impossible considering the volume of their voices.

“Having a good first day, darl?” Linda asks with an exaggerated grin as you pass.

You nod, giving a polite smile.

Beside you, Evie remarks “Don’t you girls have a column to write?”

That gets the two of them hustling back to their desks, Marie declaring “On it boss!”

“You sure you don’t want anything?” You reaffirm as you reach the front door.

Evie nods her head, “I’m sure, enjoy your lunch break.”

“I’m just going to the bakery across the street, I’ll be right back.”

Her gaze flits over your shoulder, to the large windows along the front of the office, before meeting yours again. “Sure you will.”

She turns and walks away before you can respond.

Closing your eyes, you suck in a deep breath.

I can do this.

You push open the heavy front door and instantly get enveloped in the sticky summer heat.

Steve’s light green 1966 chevy pickup is parked along the curb in front of the newspaper’s office and he’s leaning against it with his arms crossed, a picture of patience.

When your eyes meet his, he pushes away from the pickup, arms dropping to his sides as he slowly approaches you.

Here we go.

You step forward, meeting him halfway on the sidewalk.

“Who told you?”

Steve raises an eyebrow. “It’s still a small town babydoll, everyone told me.”

You nod, fidgeting.

Babydoll.

“So, uh, how’s the shop?”

Making a noise in the back of his throat, Steve steps closer, bringing his face inches from yours. “Is that what we’re gonna do honey? Gonna share ‘how are you’s’ on the street and pretend no one’s watching?”

So he’s also noticed how everyone in the office has migrated towards the windows while people in the street around you pretend to look busy.

“What would you prefer?”

You don’t realise how dangerous that question is until it’s left your mouth.

Tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear, Steve husks “I’d prefer you got in my truck, so I could take you home and fuck you senseless.”

Suddenly it’s not the beaming sun that has you sweating.

Our sex life was never a problem.

“That wouldn’t fix anything.” You croak in response.

“Oh babydoll, I’m gonna fix us, don’t you worry about that.” Steve vows, his hand moving from your hair to lightly cup the back of your neck. “You won’t want to leave me ever again.”

He’s leaned in closer while talking, and your lips brush his when you state “You seem awfully confident.”

Steve smirks against your mouth. “I just know my wife.”

#steve rogers x reader #mechanic!steve rogers x reader #steve rogers drabble #steve rogers #drabbles

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imaginedreamwrite · 10 months

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Mechanic Steve doesn't want to be let out! Since Bucky works as a emt they barely get the chance to spend his birthday together. So for the longest time he had to spend it alone. But now he has Florence Nightingale and she took off for his birthday. Little does he know so did Bucky and Bambi to have a little party for Steve.

Steve didn’t blame Bucky. He didn’t lay any blame on the busy career he chose as a paramedic as to why they couldn’t spend much time together. They were best friends since childhood, and each has their own steady careers that left little time to gather and catch up.

With his birthday weeks in reach, Steve had fully expected the text that came across his phone. Bucky was going to be on a fairly packed rotation and Bambi was saddled with a mandatory mental health course in the next city. Steve hadn’t laid blame on either of them, he hadn’t negated any ill-will or disappointment, he had fixated himself on the good news that remained.

Flo had taken the entire weekend off for his birthday, and they were going to the Barnes’ family cabin. Bucky had given permission to Steve and Flo to use it for the weekend, since he would be away, and Flo jumped at the chance.

“Its all about you this weekend,” Steve had driven his truck up the winding road, elated to take a load off and relax while you talked in the passenger seat, recalling a story about nursing school that stuck with you.

As he had turned off the road to head into the cabin’s main entrance, Steve’s eyebrows had furrowed when his gaze settled on an unfamiliar vehicle parked in the drive. More curious than not Steve parked his truck and turned off the ignition, settling a hand on Flo’s stomach to stop you from getting out.

“Stay here,” Steve opened the door and stepped out, shoving the keys in his pocket, “Florence Nightingale I mean it-”

You had already beaten him up the porch, carrying a bat with you and a determined look. Steve had mumbled under his breath, making mental notes to spank his girlfriend later, and followed. His footsteps were heavy, and as he approached the door, Flo had jut back against his chest.

“Flo get your ass back in-” Steve was cut off by the door opening with a sudden burst and a small sea of people stepping into view.

“Surprise!” Bucky was the first face he saw, grinning proudly from ear to ear while steve stood shocked. “Got ya, punk!”

“Bucky what the hell did you do?” Steve gaped, genuinely taken back by the party thrown for him.

“Flo planned it,” Bambi slipped past Bucky to reach Steve, mindful of her baby bump, to hug him tightly, “happy birthday, Steve.”

“Flo,” he spoke her petname while hugging you, overcome with emotion, “baby, you did this for me?”

“Love you, inspector gadget.” She teased and hip checked him, her own emotional state matching his. “You’re one of a kind, Steve.”

“Happy birthday, punk.” Bucky was next to hug him, next to sling his arm around his shoulders and lead him into the house. “You shoulda seen the look on your face, Steve.”

“Bucky…” Steve shook his head and grinned, boyishly and bright. “I’m gonna get you back.”

“You can try.”

#Silverfox!mechanic!Steve Rogers x nurse!Reader #mechanic!silverfox!Steve Rogers x Florence Nightingale #Silverfox!Steve Rogers x Florence Nightingale #Steve rogers x Florence Nightingale #Steve rogers x Flo #Steve Rogers birthday asks #fourth of July asks

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16woodsequ · 8 months

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I have an ask for a drabble and I thought it was for Steve and Tony, so I wrote this tonight kind of reflecting my current feelings about wanting to write but being unable to do much of it.

I realized the ask is for Tony and Bucky so I'm not posting it with the ask, but please enjoy this therapy drabble I wrote because I needed to write a little something to try to ride the wave of emotions my brain is in right now.

Set in an au where Tony and Steve talk about their feelings lol

Just Something

"I'm doing real bad."

It only takes one text from Steve to get Tony up and out of his chair. The wellness texts had started as a begrudging agreement between the two when neither one wanted to admit they needed help, but now, after years of growth and effort they feel more second nature.

This type of openess between them had taken a long time to achieve, but Tony is glad for it on nights like this.

JARVIS locates Steve easily, which means he wants to be found, which is another good sign.

Tony finds him sitting listlessly on the common room couch. The sun has set, the room grey and shadowed as night sets in.

"What's up?" Tony asks, sitting down next to Steve. He can tell just by looking at him that it's a bad night and he's glad Steve had reached out.

Steve shrugs, frustrated, not meeting Tony's eyes. "I just feel…grey." His hands clench. "Just empty. And tired. And like I might crack open inside. And I feel so frustrated because I'm tired of feeling this way but it feels like it always comes back up, no matter the effort I put in against it."

Tony knows the feeling. Depression is a beast with many heads and sometimes it feels like resurfacing from the depths of an ocean, only to be pulled under again by a black, sweeping wave.

"Do you want to do anything?" he tries. Distractions are something he and Steve do together often now when one or the other needs to 'ride out the wave'.

Steve just shrugs dejectedly. "I want to draw," he says softly. "I feel it in me so much it's like I can't breath… but thinking about trying to compose something just exhausts me. I feel like I can't finish anything. I'm tired."

Tony hums for a second before spying one of Steve's many sketchbooks under the coffee table.

"Maybe you need to let yourself do something small," he says, grabbing it and holding it out. "Scribble, or throw something together just to get out what you're feeling."

Steve reaches for the sketchbook, looking hesitant. Tony nods encouragingly.

"I do that sometimes in my lab," he says. "When my brain is blocked or feeling low. I'll just weld random bits together or finish a really quick, silly project. Just to get something done."

Steve glances down at the book and pulls the pencil out from the coilbound spine.

"Just something," he repeats, some of the bleakness in his eyes easing as he takes a breath and opens his book.

#steve rogers #fanfic #fanfiction #my fic #tony stark #depression #healthy coping mechanisms #mcu #writing #marvel #Just Something #<500 words

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dilemmaontwolegs · 2 years

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More Than A Service || mechanic!Stucky

Summary: A night out crossed paths with Steve and then Bucky, leading to feelings growing for both of them. In trying to decide who you feel more for you cut off ties with both only to bump into them both unexpectedly. Warnings: 18+ only, alcohol, swearing WC: 3.4K

bucky masterlist || steve masterlist

It was the weekend and you were ready to unwind. Being single, depressingly so, you decided to head out to the many clubs on and around Atlantic Ave with the hope of finding at least one cute guy. Even just exchanging numbers would ease some of the need you had to socialise with the opposite sex, so that was your goal.

The first club you got to wasn’t quite to your taste, the music not a genre you would usually listen to. But, it was happy hour so you stayed for the cheap drinks and felt yourself begin to relax. You had just returned from the ladies room and found a handsome man occupying the stool beside the one you had claimed as your own and he smiled when you sat down beside him.

“Having a good night?” He asked with a polite smile on his face, a dark blond beard shaping his face perfectly. The bartender had your refill ready and placed it down in front of you as the man pulled out his wallet. “I’ll have another and I’ll get this gorgeous lady’s drink as well.”

“You don’t have to do that.” You said as he waved it off.

You didn’t want to give him the idea that you could be bought into a night between the sheets as so many men had assumed would be the case when they paid for your drinks. On the other hand, the man looked built for some damn good sex and you couldn’t deny the sweet reminder between your legs as you shifted on your perch.

“I want to.” He said as he swivelled around to face you. “I will admit, I do have an ulterior motive.”

“Of course you do.” You sighed under your breath.

“See, my friends were meant to meet me here but they’re running late and it would really ruin my image if I’m sat alone at the bar.” His serious image cracked into a smile that had you laughing before he held his hand out. “I’m Steve.”

“Y/n.”

His hands were, for lack of a better word, manly. They were large and engulfed yours, his palms calloused from years of manual labour with them and you watched his biceps flex beneath his tight shirt. If you would hazard a guess you assumed he was a builder given his strength and you were once again reminded of the deep ache in your core at the thought of him wielding a hammer.

“I haven’t seen you around before. You live near here?”

“Yeah, but I don’t get out much.” You said as he sipped from his bottle of beer. “My mom said I need to get out more or resign myself to adopting 40 cats.”

His beer threatened to come out his nose as he choked and spluttered on the laugh lodged in his throat. You felt terrible as you leapt forward and clapped him on the back a few times while he recovered.

“I’m sorry.” You apologised as he grabbed a napkin and dabbed his lips with a shake of his head.

“Don’t be.” He reassured you with a hand on yours. “I like the honesty. It’s refreshing.”

His eyes turned sad for a moment before whatever ghost had haunted him left and he realised he was still holding your hand. You didn’t mind at all as his cold hand warmed against your skin but he pulled away to wave at a couple of guys walking in.

“Did you want to come join us?” Steve asked as they approached the bar but you shook your head with a small smile.

“I’m going to head off but you have a good night.” You felt safe with Steve but you didn’t want to put yourself into a predicament by drinking with three very strong strangers. “But, um, if you wanted to grab another drink sometime when you don’t have other plans, I would be up for that.”

Steve’s eyes lit up as he nodded eagerly and grabbed another napkin. He wrote his number down quickly and placed the paper securely in your hand, closing your fist around it.

“I’m definitely up for that.” He promised. “And let me know that you got home safe, pretty woman like yourself shouldn’t be walking around alone. Actually, do you want me to walk you to a taxi?”

You smiled as he worried over you and placed a calming hand to his bulging bicep. “I’m fine, Steve. Relax with your friends and I promise I’ll text you when I get home.”

“Alright then, y/n. Have a good night.” He nodded, watching you retreat from the bar until his friends blocked your view.

The second you were out of sight you added his number to your phone in case you lost the napkin and smiled the entire way down the street. You were practically walking on sunshine when some pop music caught your fancy as you passed an open bar and you figured one more drink would go down well before you called it a night.

The bar was crowded with more people than you expected waiting to order and you were undecided on whether to stay and wait it out or just leave. The decision was made for you when the line almost biblically parted and you saw an empty stool illuminated by the laser lights. Sneaking through the space, you took a seat while waiting for the bartender to make his way down the line.

“You might be waiting a while, doll. Service is pretty slack.” You looked over to the figure sitting beside you and found a handsome man smiling coyly at you as he ran a thick, ringed finger around the rim of his empty tumbler. “I was about to leave but I think I might just stick around now. I’m Bucky.”

For the second time tonight you found yourself bathing in the attention of a handsome man. His hand was cold from the icy glass he had been holding and he had held on just a little too long for it to be just a friendly handshake. “You got a name, or should I just keep calling you doll?”

“It’s y/n.” You said as the butterflies in your tummy took flight all over again. “But I could get used to doll too.”

“Good, because it suits you.” He winked before nodding your head to the bartender who had stopped in front of you. “You must be a good luck charm, they haven’t come down this end of the bar for the last 15 minutes.”

“I’m about 15 years overdue for some good luck, it’s about time things turned around.” You admitted with a laugh before ordering your drink and Bucky’s too so he didn’t have to wait. He was quicker than you to drop the money on the bar and he smirked as it was taken by the bartender before you could protest, the note large enough to buy four more of the cocktails.

“Keep the change man.” Bucky said to the bartender, a grateful smile thrown his way before the man rushed back to the next patron.

“That was very generous of you.” You smiled, remembering the days you had worked in hospitality.

“I appreciate an honest day's work.” He shrugged nonchalantly. “You couldn’t pay me enough to do what they do.”

You followed his glare to a group of young men, who looked barely legal, surrounding a hostess that was trying to work but they kept blocking her way. You sighed feeling sorry for the woman, she clearly wasn’t interested in them but it didn’t seem to be stopping them from trying.

“Why isn’t anybody doing anything?” You frowned as you looked for the bouncer before Bucky jumped off his stool.

You couldn’t tell how tall he was when he was sitting but he was half a head above most of the patrons as he sauntered towards the group of offenders. You grabbed your drinks, not wanting them to be spiked if you left them but also not wanting Bucky to get in trouble alone. You struggled to keep up with his long strides but focused on his broad back straining against the fitted shirt he wore before shamelessly trailing down to his tight jeans.

“Hey, leave her alone, she’s just trying to do her job.” Bucky growled as he pushed his way between two of them and put himself between her and the men. “I think you should find some other place to party tonight.”

You sagged with relief when you spotted two bouncers making their way into the tense situation but the relief was short lived as they pointed to everyone in the vicinity and ordered them out, including Bucky.

“He was just trying to help her.” You said as you stepped into the conversation and pointed at Bucky. “Since you guys didn’t seem to be doing anything.”

The bouncer towering over you cocked an eyebrow at the taunt before waving a hand at everyone, including you this time, and jabbed his thumb to the door. “Out. Now.”

An arm curled around your waist and Bucky’s drink was taken from your fingers and you found him finishing it before placing the empty glass on the hostess’s tray. “Sorry, doll, I didn’t mean to ruin your night.”

“Are you kidding me?” You laughed, following his actions and finishing your cocktail. “It’s nice to know there’s still decent guys out there.”

“I’m heading down the road to meet up with some friends, did you want to join me?”

You chewed your lip as you wanted to say yes but your feet were killing you and the buzz you had earlier had disappeared with the thought of the fight. “Can I take a raincheck? I was actually heading home when I walked past this bar.”

“Well, I’m glad you did.” He said as he stopped outside under the awning of the bar. “How about lunch this week? It might be less dramatic.”

“Less drama sounds good to me.” You chuckled and accepted his phone that he held out, adding your number to his contacts and sending yourself a message. “Let me know what day works for you.”

He grinned as he took the device and felt it buzz with a notification. “I’d make any day work for you, doll. I, um, have to go before these guys send a search party for me. I’ll see you next week.”

“It’s a date.”

His smile grew even wider as he walked away, a little bounce in his step as he replied to Steve that he was on his way.

“I don’t know what to do.” You complained to your mom as she sipped her coffee and pondered what advice she could offer.

“Sorry, sweetpea, I really don’t know what to say other than to trust your gut.”

“But they are both so amazing, and funny, and nice.” You huffed in frustration. “I really like both of them. Steve is honestly the most caring and considerate guy. And Bucky, he’s selfless and sweet. And they are both drop dead gorgeous and mechanics too, so you know they are good with their hands.”

“You’ve got yourself in a little pickle then don’t you sweetheart.” You mom said as she patted your hand gently. “But you can’t keep stringing them both along, that’s not fair on anyone. You’ll have to choose soon, before it gets too serious.”

“Ughhh, this isn’t helping mom. I have so much on my plate right now. Tomorrow I have breakfast with Steve then dinner with Bucky, then I have this project due and on top of that the light in my car still hasn’t gone away.”

“Honey, it needs a service, you can’t just drive around with the engine check light on for months.” Your mother tutted. “There’s a place on 3rd Ave near South Slope, the girls I play bridge with rave about it. Brooklyn something, Boys? I don’t know, use that interweb thing to search for it.”

You nodded along, half checked out of the conversation as your mind wandered back to your dating predicament. You knew everything your mom had said made sense but the thought of having to choose one over the other left you feeling sick to your stomach.

“One less thing to worry about.”

You looked up from the cold coffee you had been staring out of focus at, a stain ringing around the mug. “What’s that?”

“Talking to myself again.” She sighed as she showed you her phone. “I found them, The Brooklyn Boys, and booked you in. It’s amazing all the things you can do on the line.”

“Online.” You muttered as you took her phone and sent yourself the booking details so you could drop it off. “Thanks mom.”

“That’s what I’m here for. Glorified receptionist.” She teased. “One step up from being your maid when you lived at home. I should get going if I want to make it home before dark, my eyesight isn’t quite what it used to be.”

“Let me walk you out, I could do with some fresh air to clear my head.” You said as you placed the mugs in the sink and grabbed a jacket.

“Let me know which one you choose, oh and send me photos.”

The ache in your stomach came back at the reminder and you nodded sullenly as you followed her out of your apartment.

Your breakfast and dinner dates went so well that you were even more confused and hurt at the thought of having to choose one. You had resorted to leaving their messages on read as they tried to organise another date and that left you feeling even worse because you missed talking with them. You could still feel the tingle of their kiss lingering on your lips and it felt natural to want to take things further, to establish a relationship and see where it led. But you selfishly wanted a relationship with both men.

You were so deep in your thoughts you almost missed the sign for the automotive shop but pulled into the last parking spot on the lot.

“How’d your dinner go?” Steve asked as he wiped his hands on a rag and turned to see Bucky’s feet poking out from under a Civic.

“I thought it went well but I think she’s ghosting me.” Bucky sighed as he rolled out and dropped his wrench into a toolbox with a little more force than necessary. “I don’t know what I did wrong.”

Steve chuffed and wrapped the rag tightly around his fist. “We can’t seem to catch a break can we?”

“You too, shit.” Bucky shook his head. “I’m sorry man.”

“Me too.” Steve muttered, hearing the buzz of a customer entering the workshop. “Plenty more fish in the sea, right?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Bucky was unconvinced but shrugged it off as he followed Steve to the counter so he could call the car's owner and give them the bad news. ��I just thought we really had a connection.”

You looked up from your phone after getting the booking number and almost dropped the device as you came face to face with Steve and Bucky, both looking as stunned as you. Your lips parted like a guppy gasping for air which suddenly seemed too thick to inhale as your worst nightmare came to life.

“Hey doll.” Bucky recovered first and smiled as he stepped closer. “You had me worried when you didn’t call me back.”

“Doll?” Steve laughed nervously. “She’s your doll?”

“Steve…” You choked as you looked between them.

“Wait, you know Steve?” Bucky frowned and looked at his best friend looking at you. “This is the girl from the bar?”

“Oh sweet jesus, I should have adopted a fucking cat.” You groaned as you backed up to the door.

Steve shook his head with a relieved laugh that froze you before you could push the door open. “We should talk in our office.”

Your eyes flickered between the two of them, half expecting the testosterone to turn explosive. “You’re not…angry?”

“What?” Bucky’s frown deepened into a scowl. “Why would we be angry?”

“Because you and I.” You waved your arms around the triangle. “And me and him.”

“Sweetheart, relax.” Steve soothed, nodding to the door that said OFFICE. “I can’t speak for Bucky but I’m just relieved you're okay. When you stopped replying, I…I’m just glad you’re okay.”

Bucky placed his hand on your lower back and urged you to follow Steve as he unlocked the office door. Twin desks faced opposite walls and a couch sat against the back wall, the whole room looking really tidy considering it was two mechanics who used it.

“Have a seat, doll.”

You sat nervously on the middle seat, feeling their heat radiating from them as they sat down beside you. The bulk of their bodies should have overwhelmed you, made you feel small, but instead you felt comfortable. It was the same comfort that you had when you were with them individually.

Bucky sat back and draped his arm across your shoulder like did when he walked with you through the park after your first date. You looked at Steve from under your lashes and found no jealousy or restraint anger as he reached for your hand and laced his fingers with yours. After a few deep breaths, you finally regulated your breathing and asked the question burning in your brain.

“What is going on?”

“Showing you that it’s okay.” Bucky said casually as if he were commenting on the weather.

“I’m so confused.” You mumbled under your breath. “I just needed a service.”

“You got more than that.” Steve chuckled with a reassuring squeeze of his hand. “Now feel free to stop me at any point but I think it’s fair to assume you like the both of us.”

You nodded as you closed your eyes, feeling the pressure of societal norms weighing on your shoulders.

“And from what Bucky’s said, and what I know, I can tell you the feeling is mutual.” Steve affirmed.

“We aren’t asking you to choose, if that’s something that’s worrying you.” Bucky added. “Steve’s my best friend, he’s a great guy so I get why you went out with him.”

“And Bucky is the most supportive partner you could ever have.” Steve smiled proudly over your shoulder. “So the question is, what do you want to do now?”

Your head was spinning at the onslaught of information that your brain couldn’t seem to comprehend. On one hand you really hoped you were understanding what was going on but you didn’t want to risk making another mistake with the two of them. Sitting up straighter you cleared your throat and bit your lip as you worked up your courage. “What exactly are you saying?”

Bucky took your other hand and leant in so he could give you the kiss he had been dying to since he saw you in the shop. You melted as his tongue rolled across your lip begging entrance that you indulged in before he pulled away breathless. “Don’t choose between us.”

Steve cradled your cheek in his hand and turned you to face him. His kind eyes sent your heart racing as they broke away from your gaze to look at your swollen lips before he couldn’t resist having his own taste of them. Their hands on your body, the taste of their kids, it was too much and your brain could barely function when he pulled away. “Choose both of us.”

Your head was nodding with all your thoughts of consideration and deliberation gone with the wind. It felt right, feeling their hands in yours, their heated stares setting your blood on fire. Even if you had time to think you knew you still wouldn’t be able to choose because they were both what you needed, two sides of the same coin that you could never flip.

“I want you both.” You admitted as you shifted in your seat. “But I don’t want this to affect your friendship.”

“It won’t.” Bucky assured you as he looked at Steve. “Promise.”

Steve nodded and slapped Bucky affectionately on his shoulder. “Promise.”

“Oh god.” You gasped as you clamped a hand over your mouth. “How am I going to explain this to my mom?”

#mechanic au #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x poc!reader #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x poc!reader #stucky x reader #stucky imagine

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shipverse · 2 years

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Relief.

I love Steve's open and genuine smile, and Tony's attempt at humor despite the very near brush with death.

"I've seen the footage. The only thing you really fight for is yourself.

You're not the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you."

"I think I would just cut the wire."

I love how it comes full circle, with the harsh words and prejudices from before they knew each other, how the words stung. I feel like this is where all the preconceptions fall apart, and Steve has realized and is properly seing Tony for the kind of man he is for the first time (a man who would lie down on a wire, has been this entire time..)

twitter

#stony #stevetony #my art #tony stark #steve rogers #the avengers #PRIDE AND PREJUDICE pride and prejudice👏✨️#i love their rocky first meeting soo much #makes the change and transformation into respect; admiration and trust so powerful🙌😭#i can never get enough of the trope where all the avengers #buy tony's defense mechanisms; deflections and facades at face value and judge him as harshly for it #and only later come to realize the big selfless heart that's underneath #(as well as his terrible self-preservation and self worth)#everything tony does is motivated by huge amounts of concealed care - fear for others' safety; or guilt.. for anything and everything #he is a hero for a reason and it's so lovely to see when the others at last see past the image they (and tony) have conjured up and Realize #🥺✨️💓#also love that little sting of guilt at realizing how the misguided words they earlier threw at him were not only wrong-#..but that they hurt tony - as he takes everything to heart😎 (low self worth guilt low self w-)#ok sry i got so many tony feels!!#and all these tropes are so goood🙌 love to see it in this movie!!💓💓✨️👀#ステトニ #キャプトニ

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wolflver626 · 4 months

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Bucky: *watching Frozen w/ Steve with a half-empty box of tissues next to him, sniffling every 10 seconds* Steve it's literally us. *starts crying his eyes out again*

#Disney movies are his coping mechanism #bucky barnes #steve rogers #frozen #marvel headcanons

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bigtreefest · 1 month

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IT’S HAPPENING!!!!

I’m writing part one to both my new Curtis series and my new Steve series that will be in the same AU as ‘You Catch More Bees With Honey’ !!!!!

But the issue is: idk what to name the AU!! All help is appreciated, so pls drop an ask or comment with suggestions!!!!

Either way, EEEEEEEK, I’m so excited. Feel free to send any asks for hints on the plot/characters!

#bucky barnes #steve rogers #Curtis Everett #chris evans #new series alert #Curtis Everett fanfiction #Steve rogers fanfiction #mob Steve #mafia Steve #mechanic Curtis #farmhand Curtis

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nitpickrider · 7 months

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Which of course means we didn't believe a lick of it about them going straight but DID accept the free intelligence report. Captain America 387

#marvel #marvel comics #marvel universe #marvel heroes #superhero #comics #captain america #steve rogers #AIM #advanced idea mechanics #paladin

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navybrat817 · 4 months

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How are the motocross boys doing? I miss them!

I thought everyone forgot about them, nonnie! ❤️ My own fault. I haven't shown them love lately. So what are they up to?

Jake is trying to work up the courage to propose to Lucky.

Ari is going to bring dinner to Sweetart's place and may even spend the night.

Hal is in the midst of setting up a simple yet romantic date for Belle.

Bucky will have to help you work through some of your emotions when your ex shows up in town.

Curtis has to work through his own emotions and yours when tragedy strikes.

Steve needs to take you out! And it better be nice because Curtis isn't afraid to hit him.

Chris may or may not be at the next race and that worries you.

I love how some of those answers only raise more questions. 😂

Love and thanks! ❤️

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achubbydumpling · 2 years

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Could you write something about bucky getting chubby and getting insecure about that. So Steve gains a bit too and they realize they both like it? <3

thank you for this ask, nonnie, idk if this is what you had in mind, but I was inspired, though I did end up asking myself: is this... whump? but if you get through all the hurt there's some saccharine, sappy comfort at the end, I promise! 🤗

Rating: Mature Words: 1763 Pairing: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers Additional Tags: Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Negative Self-Talk (Self-Worth Connected To Weight), Hurt/Comfort, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Hurt Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Chubby Bucky Barnes, Chubby Steve Rogers

Bucky was painfully aware of how tightly his shirt was stretching over his body. He couldn’t do much to hide it but he still sat slumped over with his arms crossed in front of his body.

He’s been gaining weight. The doctors had assured him it was an expected side effect of his recovery but Bucky felt like a foreigner in his body once more. Everyone could see the change and he feared that they’d use it as proof he wasn’t coping as well as he said. What if they decided to put him back in cryo without asking him this time? What if he wasted too much of their time and resources and they kicked him out? What if—

“Buck?”

He looked up (when had he looked down?) and found Steve looking at him, once again with that concerned crease deep between his eyebrows. Bucky cleared his throat and tried to put on a smile.

“Yeah?”

“Is everything ok?”

Bucky forced his smile wider.

“Of course,” he looked at his half-empty plate (three-quarters full, did he eat too much again?), “I’m just not that hungry.”

He pushed the chair away from the table and went to get up when Steve finally put his foot down.

“I think we should talk.”

Ice water washed over Bucky’s back. This is it. Steve finally has enough or the King or the doctors. He’d finally overstayed his welcome.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky whispered and to his embarrassment his voice wobbled from the tightness in his throat.

“You don’t have to apologize, Buck. I’m just— I’m worried, ok?”

Bucky lifted his head (when did he look down again?). Steve looked at him intently.

“Your appetite hasn’t been the best lately and if you don’t have enough energy that could make you feel worse throughout the day.”

Bucky’s arms tightened around his body. He could feel the softness of his belly. Nausea swept over him.

“I’m just not that hungry,” Bucky insisted again. What else could he say?

“Ok,” Steve sighed, this clearly wasn’t the right answer. “How about we ask for something that’s easy to stomach and high-calorie at your next doctor’s appointment. Is that ok?”

Bucky’s eyes started burning. Steve simply chose to believe his obvious lies and tried to offer solutions. He didn’t deserve this. He’ll just ruin Steve’s life if he stays here. His ruined body is proof of that.

“I don’t want to.”

“You need to eat.”

Bucky swallowed hard and tried to keep his voice steady despite the threatening tears.

“I don’t need as much as you do.”

Steve’s expression hardened and his mouth drew into a thin line. He’s getting fed up with me.

“You were barely fed enough to survive. Your metabolism might be slower right now but it will only recover if you show your body there is enough food and you’re not just surviving off scraps anymore.”

Bucky was surviving right now. Could it get better than this? His eyes burned harder and tears finally welled up. Despite trying to stay quiet a choked sob escapes him. Why now?

Steve gets up and walks around the table to crouch in front of Bucky. He projects all his movements and slowly lays a hand on Bucky’s leg.

“This isn’t about not being hungry, is it?” Bucky sobbed harder and shook his head. Steve’s hand rubbed in slow circles over Bucky’s leg and he wished desperately he could hug Steve right now.

“We don’t have to talk about it right now, but lets get you to lie down, ok?”

Steve had to treat him like a child, talking him through a crying fit. Fuck, he was pathetic, because Bucky was actually glad that he had Steve to lean on to shuffle the few meters to the living room and then curl into a ball on the soft cushions.

The gasping sobs had quieted down a bit when Steve went back to the kitchen to get a paper towel and a glass of water for Bucky.

“Can I?” Steve asked and pointed to the empty space on the sofa where Bucky was curled up. Like the perfect fucking super soldier he was, he waited until Bucky nodded.

It was humiliating how good it felt that Steve waited that little second.

Steve didn’t talk for a long time and just ran his hand through Bucky’s hair. When he’d started doing that Bucky’s tears had started again but the longer he kept going the calmer Bucky felt until he was ready to wipe his tears away.

He stayed in the same position—curled on his side—and didn’t look at Steve when he started talking.

“I’m sorry. I’m a liar. I’m hungry. I’m so fucking hungry all the time.” Bucky could feel Steve gearing up to say something, but Bucky powered through.

“But I can’t really trust my body, can I? I listened for way too long and now I’m—I—”

His voice falters. He tries to fight through the silence but his throat clamps up.

“I gained weight.”

It’s barely audible from trying to force the syllables through his steel-tight vocal chords.

Steve breathes out hard, but stays quiet. Still, stroke-stroke-stroking his hand through Bucky’s hair. This was the worst kind of confessional. He keeps going. Everything’s ruined now anyway.

“I feel so fucking useless. I just take and take and take. I’m so sorry. I don’t know how you can even stand looking at me. I get it. I’ll understand if you want me to go away, I promise. You don’t have to keep this up. Really, I’m sorry.”

Tears prickled at the corners of Bucky’s eyes again and he bit his bottom lip to keep them at bay this time. He waited for Steve to finally say something and when he stayed quiet for a second and another, he finally dared to look over.

Steve was the one crying now. Silently. While he slowly shook his head.

“You—” Steve’s voice cracked but he kept talking, “—don’t have anything to be sorry for. I should have—”

He stops talking again, shakes his head once and sighs again.

“Should’ve, could’ve, would’ve…” Bucky recognises the mantra from Steve’s therapist.

“I wish I could take all those thoughts and just make them disappear. You deserve so much. You deserve to be here and I’m glad you’re here. Your weight doesn’t change that. It’s not going to change anything.”

Bucky buried his nose against the cushion he was lying on. His heart clenched tight and didn’t let up.

“I’ll say it until you believe it,” Steve broke off into a teary laugh.

They sat quietly for another moment until Steve quietly asked, “can I give you a hug?”

Bucky froze at the question. As much as he craved the contact and the feeling of Steve’s body against his, that question alone sent his brain into a scramble of panic.

“Give me a second,” he choked out.

His eyes stayed looking at an unfixed point on the floor while he worked through the flare of panic in his brain. He’d—They’d been forcing him to see a therapist and she’d been big on breathing. Breathing deep. In and out. Infuriatingly slowly.

“Do you want—”

“I’ll give you a hug.”

“—some water?”

They looked at each other stunned for a moment.

“Not right now. I can’t—I’m—”

“I get it,” Steve said easily. Bucky’s throated tightened again when he realised Steve actually meant it.

He took the glass of water he was offered and emptied it in one gulp.

They went through the rest of the evening quietly. Steve sent an e-mail to Bucky’s therapist when Bucky couldn’t get his thumbs to type anything. They cleaned up the dishes and put away the leftovers. Bucky had another glass of water and then they headed to their bedrooms.

Steve hesitated for a moment before he turned the door knob and when he looked up Bucky thought they’d turned back time a few decades.

“I’m really glad you’re here.”

Bucky dashed forward for the quickest hug in human history before he high-tailed it into the safety of his bedroom. His heart was beating like he’d sprinted a marathon, but the tightness in his chest loosened by a fraction.

+++

Steve stays after that. Just for a bit, he said but days turn into weeks and Steve stays.

He settled down in a way Bucky didn’t notice Steve hadn’t.

His toothbrush wanders from the kit he’d take on missions into the cup on the sink. The book he’s reading stays upside down on the coffee table instead of bookmarked and carefully placed back into the shelf.

They develop a routine. One that isn’t dictated by missions, mission prep and debriefs. Instead they rise with the sun. The first order of their day is breakfast and time spent outside. Easy companionship. Reading in silence.

It’s on one of those mornings that Bucky notices it.

The way Steve had softened a bit.

The weight.

His breath caught in his throat and he waited for that ugly hatred, the clawing at his throat and vile thoughts that plagued him when he looked in the mirror for too long.

But it never came.

He looked at Steve and saw comfort and warmth. The growing softness made him feel at home. Like tangible proof that Steve was here to stay. Safe and healthy. It took much longer for it to click in Bucky’s mind.

That’s me, he thought one morning while watching Steve in the bathroom mirror brushing his teeth.

A bit of pudge underneath his chin that isn’t completely hidden underneath his beard anymore. Chubby cheeks that make his eyes crinkle when he smiles. Soft, wide arms that looked too inviting for Bucky to resist the urge to hug Steve in that moment.

A startled laugh and then Bucky was enveloped in a full-body hug. The sharp smell of mint made his nose wrinkle, but Steve’s scent took over just a few moment later. Big, wide shoulders and a chubby belly, warmth bubbles up into Bucky’s chest and he can’t do anything but hug Steve even tighter.

And in that moment he doesn’t even mind his own belly pressing against Steve’s.

“What’s this for?” Steve asks eventually when he tries to go back to brushing his teeth and Bucky whines until he keeps hugging him.

“Being here.” Bucky shrugged, “loving me the way I am when I couldn’t.”

“Oh, Buck.” Steve couldn’t say anything more after that, he swallowed hard and tried a few times but then he just tightened his arms even further and pressed a kiss to Bucky’s forehead.

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