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gorejo · 4 months

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▸ manager in public, creampies in private - gojo satoru (hockey player/fwb!)

synopsis: His jinx — fucking the manager behind his coach’s back before every game — has become a rather risky ritual that he’s secretly developed over the years. With you, a regular pattern of his life, Satoru proposes a deal before his final game — the last time he’ll confess, “you wanna fuck me or do wanna date me?”

contents: wc: 15.2k(i am so sorry y'all.... i have no words for this), unedited. fem/afab!reader, she/her pronouns, reader is referred to as "girlfriend," pet names: baby, pretty, (there are so many), satoru calls himself daddy as a joke, locker room sex, fwb!, explicit language, p -> v penetration, creampies, lots of fucking. suguru moved to another uni. cunnilingus, squirting, fingering, teasing, mating press, doggy, gojo can carry the reader because he’s strong like that. little bit of Satoru’s pov..

The stadium is cold the moment you walk in. It’s enough to make your cheeks mildly sting and send shivers down your back, leaving the tip of your nose to feel frozen. From the crisp smell of the rink that’s been brushed out just moments prior, to the vibrant conversations of adults and the cheers from children anticipating the next game, everything tugged for your attention.

At the apex of winter sports, today will mark the champions for the national collegiate tournament for Division I Hockey.

For the normal attendee or avid fan of the sport, being there should be exciting.

But it couldn’t be far more inapplicable for you. A nervous pit coiled inside your gut — a dichotomous force of friction that made your heart thump in anticipation, but your stomach churn in anxiety.

Your mind felt like a fuzz. Guess, it didn't help that your ears also felt plugged, with every sound muffling inside that annoyingly distorted your rational thought — or whatever was left of it.

Stumbling onto the bleachers with your cheeks feeling hot despite the chill that surpassed your skin, your legs felt wobbly while walking over to your designated seat as the beloved team manager; like a broken record, your mind replayed a moment you had not less than an hour prior.

“Control him from doing anything irrational off the courts. That’s your only job today.” the head coach warned before making his way out of the locker room, his thick calloused hand placed on your shoulder, his firm grip a forewarning to not disappoint him.

“Whatever he chooses to do on it, he can go crazy all he wants as long as he brings home the trophy. I don’t care,” Yaga Sensei muttered, lowly chuckling as he hitched up his glasses, “you’re good at your job, make the last one count,” he firmly stated before closing the door behind you.

Of course, that was your job and in no way were you going to fuck things up. Every game was the same: regulate your star player, do damage control for his unhinged actions, and babysit him – the prodigy for the University of Tokyo, from doing anything negative that the press could get their hands on.

Or in simpler terms: control your fuck buddy and do whatever it takes for him to not be so unfiltered — keyword: whatever.

You recalled the week prior, cringing at the aftermath of his actions, with you sowing the repercussions of damaging your almost perfect reputable reputation — a total disaster of an interview, the distress to your migraines you had every game day thereafter from both him and Yaga-sensei.

Granted, conducting an interview post-game wasn’t fun for anyone especially when it was painfully knowing that the reporters were only interested in trying to leach out any information to make a viral post of the handsome center.

His articles sold, and any gossip obtained was always a hit.

His last article went viral — a hot topic of gossip in all outlets of social media, trending not only in Japan but in other countries as the hot man that kicked a reporter, Gojo Satoru, University of Tokyo’s center, and the most infamous, Gojo’s girlfriend. It was of a photo of Satoru midshot, kicking a reporter with his long legs easily reaching to their face with a cheeky smile while his hands were haughtily in his pants with a blurred figure hiding behind his back, nimble fingers grabbing hold of Satoru’s clothes.

Surely, pretty privilege very much exists when more than half of the comments of netizens were:

omg look at his legs! He’s so pretty! That reporter deserved it.

damn, wish I looked that good kicking someone.

He makes me question my sexuality. What a beautiful man.

Definition of looks like a cinnamon roll, but would kill you.

Don’t worry y’all! That’s me behind him! I’m the girlfriend 😘

SATORU HAS A GIRLFRIEND? I’M SICKKKKKKK

Is it weird to find this hot? I don't condone violence but if it’s Satoru…

“So Gojo-san, what do you foresee as your next plan to defeat your rival player next week? Can we expect some friendly competition?” The reporter asked, intently waiting to type up any information Satoru had to give.

Sludging over the microphone, his voice vacant of any enthusiasm, but instead endowed in annoyance, “If he can keep up, then yea. It’s been over a year since we’ve been on the same court, I don’t keep up with his updates but I’m sure he’s been training on his own. He’s good at what he does.” Satoru tiredly sighed, brushing his bangs over his forehead, while lightly clutching onto the mic stand with his other hand, “Next question.”

And of course, the rather infamous question he gets asked every interview.

“Are you currently dating anyone? I’m sure you have loads of people wanting to date you.” Upon hearing the rather obnoxious giggle of the reporter, Satoru’s jaws clenched with irritation. “Any special plans for the New Year with a certain special someone, specifically maybe the one you were pictured with?”

Getting questions about his private life wasn’t out of the norm and was a regular occurrence. Usually, he’ll flirt with the idea and throw a little bait to the reporters, but particularly on this day, it rubbed Satoru the wrong way.

“What a stupid question, don’t you get tired of asking who I’m fucking?” Satoru numbly responded with life drained from his eyes despite the rather harsh clench of his jaws, “Well, if you’re so dying to know, I’m currently getting rejected on the daily by a rather oblivious person.”

“Any hints as to who —”

“Why?" he scoffed with a brow raised, unfazed, "so you can go harass her for information? Next question.”

“Hello, Gojo-San could you explain about the rumors that are going around about your fallout with Kyoto’s new center?” Another reporter quickly rode off the previous questions.

“What rumors?” Satoru furrowed his brows, clicking his tongue against his teeth, briefly glancing at you off to the side. A fair warning that he was getting uncomfortable.

Talking about his ex-best friend was still a sore spot for Satoru, a breakup without proper closure.

It happened without a notice, a fallout that occurred in the middle of the season during Satoru’s sophomore year, and for a year he’s been silent until he’s made his return with the rival school.

Closing his eyes to calm himself down, fisting his hand as he clenched his teeth, Satoru annoyingly answered back, “We just aren’t on the same team anymore, nothing crazy about that. It’s normal in sports.”

“Well, people are wondering if it’s true that he betrayed you to give the game plays away to his current team.” The man responded, his ignorance seemed bliss, but the malice undertone with the slight tilt of his upper lip told otherwise.

“Betrayed?” Satoru scoffed, the air in the conference room immediately felt cold, irked from the reporter’s nonchalance in picking at his ego, “the only thing getting betrayed is you when your wife sucks my co —”

On instinct, you rushed over to cover his mouth — fucking idiot — and quickly stated through the mic with a routined rueful expression you’ve made one too many times — on behalf of this dumbass.

“I’m sorry, but we’ll conclude this interview from here on! I thank you all for coming.”

While leaving, you quickly glanced at Yaga-sensei’s disappointed expression, his jaws clenched as he watched you both hurriedly make your way to the locker room with Satoru trailing behind with your grip over his wrist.

You were one hundred percent going to get an earful from Sensei.

Gojo dumb fucking Satoru always making your life a complete hell; you were determined to chew his ear off.

“Just wait till we get into the lockers, Satoru” you stated through gritted teeth, your grip on his wrists getting firmer with each step.

“Yea? Ooo I like it when you’re rough with me,” he grinned, the utter audacity of him to take you as a joke, “what are you gonna do to me in the locker rooms?” he gasped, his voice innocent — it’s laughable, really — despite his breath close to your ears with his firm chest right behind you, taunting you to continue with your harmless threats.

It’s cute and makes his cock twitch and quickly pool with blood whenever you’re being dominant — at least when you try to.

Opening the door, you snapped at him while taking a step in, “You’re fucking annoying —”

But things always seemed to take a turn to his advantage — always.

The milliseconds leading to the locker rooms were silent — silence breaking the moment you stepped foot into it with Satoru’s lips rammed to yours, his hands hungry for greater access to your body.

You’re completely caught off guard when his lips come crashing onto yours. The slight grunt of his voice mixed with a hint of a whine when he pushed you against the lockers, your hands naturally landing on his firm chest, easily melting into his grip — a sinful vice he’d been swaying over your head like a pendulum for the past years every time you both snuck around to fuck.

“I fucking tried,” he groaned into the kiss while he rapidly unclothed you. The annoyance that he’d felt a couple of minutes prior all dissipated out and funneled to you. It was apparent in the sheer urgency of his hands ripping off your clothes that his patience was running thin.

“Ngh, S-Satoru!” your chest felt heavy, your mind feeling fuzzy when you met his carnal gaze, “we need to talk —” you’re cut short when his lips latch onto your neck, his hot breath lacing up your skin as he pulled your arms upward and caged your wrists with one hand, while the other traveled down your stomach, straight to your heated core.

“Talk about what? How we fuck?” he moaned at the pleasurable feeling of your pussy being wrapped with his favorite cotton panties — the one he jokingly gifted for being his fuck buddy for a year — where soon he’ll be able to play with your cum coated folds while he fucked you against the mirror walls.

“Oh god,” you huffed in the split moment he pulled away to catch his breath when his fingers started stroking up and down your folds, the tips of his middle and ring finger playing with your tight entrance, “Toru, w-we gotta talk, Yaga-sensei —”

Scoffing out a chuckle, he let go of your lips, his teeth pulling against your lower flesh with his voice deep. He peered down at you with his orbs strictly dilated and dark, “Aren’t you cheeky? Trying to get Sensei involved.” His thumb brushed against your lower lip, the throbbing pain of your skin feeling sensitive when his calloused finger presses against it, “but you need me to explain to him how we always fuck behind his back?”

His hand traveled down your throat, his long fingers organically wrapping around your neck, a pleasing accessory around your neck, “I’d like that, too, it’s thrilling isn't it?” he taunted, his breath brushing against your heated cheeks, “but I don't think Sensei will particularly like what I say.”

“Y-your teammates ahh! —” You barely could let out a whine when his lips came crashing again, gasping when you felt the suffocated tension of your bra unclasping, exposing your breasts to the damp, cold air, the buttons of your shirt falling to the floor, “t-they’ll hear!” you tried whispering.

“They aren’t coming,” He growled, “ I locked the door,” his tantalizing voice contrasted with the sharp pain of his teeth biting into your shoulder, a dainty string of spit hung from his lips as he continued to paint your skin with his marks, felt all together euphoric.

“But they're more than welcome to listen, we'll give them the hottest free porn.”

You can feel his hardened bulge being pressed against your hips, it was torturous to not cup your hands over his hefty cock. And he knew. He could sense it, feel in the way you pulled back into the kiss, the wanton sounds of your needy breaths pleasantly luring him to want more of you.

“I need you,” he groaned while releasing your wrists and leading them to his member, having your hands hold his throbbing flesh, now painfully pooled with blood, while he aggressively shoved down his athletic shorts, freeing his very erect cock to spring out.

It was a sight to see — his cock freely nodding with pre cum leaking out of the slit, his head flaring a bright red while his veins bulged down his length. You can feel your mouth salivating at the sight of tasting his pebbled release sitting so prettily on his head.

It’s embarrassing how you were so weak to his touch, how desperately you wanted a taste of his release, to ultimately end up being completely stuffed with both his cock and his cum filling you up to the brim that it just had to leak out of your tight hole.

And it doesn’t help how your mind becomes a blank slate the moment his fingers stroke perfect circles around your hardened clit, the sounds of his reciprocated desires to devour you echoed so licentiously through your ears.

And accustomed to, your insides perfectly carved with the shape of his length, your inner walls throbbed, clenched the moment his fingers — one, two, three — slowly stretched out your needy pussy.

“Fuckin’ perfect,” his voice was teasing with a hint of impatience, “good girl," he praised when he feels you innately opening up for him. "show me how much you can suck me in, I wanna feel every inch of you,” Satoru coaxed, “trained this pussy so well, yea?”

Obediently nodding, your arms immediately latch around his neck, pulling him closer to your heated body. And with that, something short circuits in his brain the moment he sees you vulnerably so ready for him.

“You’re so fucking cute,” Satoru purred, the playful glint of his tone was the opposite of the sheer force he had when he quickly propped up your legs under his arms, pushing you further into the locker room as he rammed his cock inside you, your back arching at the sudden penetration — a dichotomy of pleasure and pain as three fingers surely cannot suffice and prepare you for the length and girth of his cock no matter how many times he’s fucked you.

“Hold tight,” he pressed a tender kiss to your forehead, his lips traveling down to your ears, tauntingly whispering, “I gotta swoon over my manager with a good fuck.”

Aggressively thrusting upward as the tip of his head searched for your sweet spot, your body folded from his strength. It doesn't take him long to find it — gummy and deep — especially when you're trembling and writhing in his grip. "because she just loves my cock, doesn't she?"

“T—toru,” you moaned out, the sweet mating call of his name ringing pleasurable to his ears.

“Who’s my good girl?” cooing as he placed a kiss on your nose, gently smiling despite his cock bullying past your wet, puffy folds, the sharp slapping of his skin meeting your thighs harshly echoing in the empty locker room.

And he swears he saw stars when he hears you.

— “Me.”

Currently shaking off the memory you had a week prior, you had one job: stop that from happening.

Well, that being another disastrous interview session — sex just so happens to come with it… always.

It’s not like you didn’t enjoy his company. It was rather quite the opposite — you craved his touch and longingly wanted to be by his side despite your words stating otherwise.

In short, you’ve been in denial. A secret you’ve upheld since the realization that he’s crept into your heart and took much more space in it than you would like to admit.

Falling in love with the university’s hot shot wasn’t something you’ve planned to do within your academic agenda. Being prompt with your studies, attending clubs, and enjoying time with friends while studying, with the occasional partying, maybe getting a boyfriend here and there, while accruing a job and work experience was part of the plan.

Not, him.

More specifically, loving Gojo Satoru, the bane of your existence, the pretty boy with an even devilishly handsome cock, that’s won your heart despite being your fuck buddy, was not part of the plan.

It should be a universal law: to never fall in love with your friend with benefit. And if there was a fine for being defiant of such a law, you would be the one prosecuted and trialed for such a wicked crime.

And to no surprise, even today, you were no saint.

Moments before —

“You know?” panting with his arms wrapped around your waists, thrusting upwards while he met your pace as you bounced on his cock.

With sweat dripping down his temple, he sucked onto your perked nipples, groaning when he feels you further tightening around his length — which was already snugly wrapped around him, “we should seriously date,” he frankly stated.

“Shut up,” you groaned, combing through his hair, adjusting your position to move your hips in rhythmic waves, the fire of your thighs making it difficult to withstand this position.

“Why not?” he groaned while pulling you down, cradling the back of your head with one hand while the other motioned your continual movements, his firm touch gratifying and making you feel safe despite the vulnerability of fucking in a public space.

“I—I don’t ahh ‘Toru that’s too deep! —” moaning from the hitch of his hips, forcing himself to go even deeper, the tip of his cock teasingly poking at your sweet spot as his girth stretched you out — each motion helping him to bottom out.

Your eyes are brimmed with tears as you hold his hair, pulling against his strands while the other digs into his shoulders, marking up his body — it was so easy for him to make a mess of you in such a short time, and he loved it; absolutely craved for it.

“You let guys that aren’t your boyfriend,” chuckling while he pushed your body down, feeling your juices run down his inner thighs, satisfied at how nicely his cock was soaking in your soft walls, “fuck” thrust “you” thrust “like” thrust “this?”

Despite the rather light tone of his voice, jealousy raged inside him. Because there should be no other answer than —

“No — “ your grasping at his back, using any part of his body to find leverage to mitigate the fullness you were feeling inside your tummy — the red scratches of his back and shoulders remnants of your relationship with him.

“Good,” he praised, gripping your ass with a sly smile teased at the corner of his lips, eventually blossoming into a brazen grin when he intentionally stopped his thrusts just to hear you whine out for him again, “and it should stay that way,” he confidently professed.

Dating Gojo Satoru. That would be nice.

Commitment issues? Sure, guess you can say you had that.

Insecurities? Most definitely so when your so-called partner was The Gojo Satoru — the university's hottest athlete currently in the process of being scouted to play in the professional league.

It felt all too surreal, everything inside of you was filled with him — literally and figuratively. From the way his lightly trimmed, now wet with your cum, hair tickled your clit to the way his cock filled every inch of you in one second only to be languid — slow and easy — pulled out and the next, rammed into you like a pistol releasing its bullet.

He usually took his time before games to fuck you, to enjoy and absorb your godly pussy power — he liked to always add while balls deep inside you with your thighs plastered to your chest, his weight pushing against your body, with the silliest smile despite the rather not so silly act he was doing with you.

A jinx, he liked to argue. A just happened chance of a one-night stand, now leading to years of fucking multiple times a week, under his solid impression that without you, there was no success.

Win after fucking. And a loss without it.

What can you say? Dick was good, but being in his arms felt even better.

It’s a sin. But at this point, did you have any leisure to contemplate if that’s even an option for you to not partake in anymore?

For someone that sleeps with drool coming out of his mouth, to the obnoxious thirst pics he would send only to you with an even more atrocious emoji ‘😜’ with a little ‘heh’ at the end, he sure gave you butterflies in your stomach; his mere presence made you feel good.

Crying and fervently pleading, with broken moans while every crevice of his cock continually carved your insides with his template, “Right there! — fuck ‘Toru, I—Imma cum please!” and he’ll reply with the most greedy moan as he pumped his seeds into your tight hole.

Satoru liked taking his time, but he also lavished under the thrill of a quick fuck. Desperately clinging onto each other, fucked into an absolute mess while he quickly rearranged your guts — that was his favorite.

“Can’t talk anymore?” he smiles. At the same time, he painfully fucks you at a slow pace, “Thought you were going to put me in my place?” cock twitching inside you when he notices how swollen your lips have become and the little squirm you release when you feel him growing within you, “it’s a shame, I like it when you curse at me,” he chuckles.

“Shut up,” you tiredly croaked, “you talk too much.”

“Tired?” he breathed out, looking up with his lips slightly bruised from the feverish kiss you had with him just moments before he chose to open his mouth — the type with tongue with spit drooling down the sides, unafraid to use to teeth to bite and tug.

“Mhm,” you quietly nodded, pulling yourself closer to his body.

“Thought you’d get used to me by now,” he peppered your shoulders with gentle kisses, “you know? by how much I’ve fucked you,” his touch now soft — almost fragile in the way he held you.

“You wanna try getting impaled by this,” clenching on his shaft for emphasis while you relished in his comfort, “and then tell me if you can get used to it too?”

“Relax,” he coached, chuckling as the padding of his fingers gently massaged your hips and eased out at your muscles, “I hear ya, just lean on me a bit.”

The warmth of his skin felt nice. The touch of his hand pressing against your body felt like electricity pulsing through your body while the circuits of your neurons flashingly fired to cause the heat of your core to spark in flames when he pressed tender kisses against your shoulders — one too gentle and comforting for a fuck buddy to be doing.

“You know,” he hummed, “dating me won’t be all too bad.”

“Sure,” you thoughtlessly answered back, snuggling your face into the crook of his neck, taking a whiff of his natural scent.

“You like me,” he placed a kiss on your temple, “and I think we’re pretty compatible,” he continued to kiss areas of your face, spending time to adorn every inch, “Sex is good, and I’m hot, so I don’t see why you won’t date me?”

“Who said I liked you?” your useless pride spoke before you registered his confession.

“Rude, who’s the one that won’t let me go in the mornings?” scowling as he lightly flicked your head. “and you mumble when you sleep, you know?” he smirked, the tilt of his lips teasing, his crystal blue eyes half hidden from his lids as he briefly looked down at your swollen lips, “it’s cute, but I would rather have you confess to me when you’re not half asleep.”

“You freak,” pouting as you tried hiding your face, embarrassed that you unknowingly outed yourself yet still chose to proudly reject his confessions.

“How about this,” looking up with eyes sparkling with anticipation, “if I make the last point, then you go on one date with me.”

“Is there an option to decline?”

“No,” offended you would say such words, you could practically see every aspect of his demeanor — hair, face, eyes — all simultaneous sulk in unison.

“Then what if you don’t make the last shot?”

“You won’t need to worry about that,” he cheekily smiled, cupping your face to place a soft kiss on your nose before reaching your lips. You can feel his cock starting to harden and twitch, evident from the small hitches of his hips to burrow himself slowly into you.

Leading you into a kiss, pushing you upward to give a little space for him to squeeze his cock inside you, the patience within him to wait for you to slowly sink onto his length again dissipates the moment he hears you tease.

With your mouth gaping open, and eyes tightly shut while your nails dug into his chest, barely managing to garner the strength to go for another round, you always talked so big. “You’re prideful to think one date can win me over.”

“I mean I already have,” shrugging as he leaned back on his elbows, scanning down to see where you’re both connected. it's arousing when he sees your pubic bone perfectly nestled on top of his, “You’re the one that’s sitting on my cock, no?”

“your mouth is the problem, Satoru,” rolling your eyes while you pushed him away, the heat of your cheeks burning up just as the core of your stomach flared up and coiled inside you.

Pulling you back, tilting your chin to meet his wanting eyes, “Hey hey, look at me,” he softly breathed, “I’ll be good to you,” he whispers, “I don’t go fucking around other girls, it’s just been you. I promise.”

“ ‘Toru —” you feel him slightly adjust his hips and in tandem, his cock moves deeper inside.

“Shh… just trust me,” shoving the rest of his shaft fully inside you, clenching his jaws and immediately wrapping his toned arms around your waist. From the sudden suffocating tightness surrounding his size combined with the pleasurable sensation of you writhing in his arms, he knew today was going to be a good game — his career best, at the least.

"I'll prove it to you. I'll win."

"what if —"

And through gritted teeth, while he steadies himself inside you, with each breath he emphasized, the gushing of your wet pussy coating his cock, and the desperate whimpers of your moans sounding so organic and delicate in his ears as he prepared you for another climax,

“Shh... you should know that best, princess. I always finish the job.”

—

Squirming in your seat, heart racing as you watched Satoru belatedly enter the rink, shaking out his white hair before putting on his helmet — droplets of sweat peeking through from his prior rendezvous, the slight bliss on his cheeks blooming with the puff of smoke huffed from his mouth.

Swiftly skating to his teammates to start on warmups, donning a blue and white jersey with white lettering with the number 6, there was a divide of a deep chant of his name coupled with the shrieking enthusiasm of his fangirls whenever he effortlessly made a practice shot. Whenever he slightly even glanced over to the audience, there was a roar of adoration.

“Keep it all in for me, yea?” the source of your migraine chuckled as he held your trembling body. His hands naturally moved to lightly massage your sore hips, the huffs of his solid chest inviting you to breathe and wind down.

In response you reached up to pinch his nipples, groaning from exhaustion, "pervert..."

“it’s my last game, so be nice to me.”

Fucking you till the last minute he could spare, Satoru decided to be cheeky and shoot his cum so deeply inside you. Huffing curses close to your ears as his arms pulled you further down on his cock, nearly piercing you with his length, his member pulsing with every splurt of his seeds pushed into you.

In conclusion, you’re now sitting in your seat, not daring to move for fear that it will spill. He was usually good at cleaning you up, taking his sweet time to kiss your cheeks and brush his bruised lips against your skin as he steadied his breath. But maybe it was from the nervous thrill he had of meeting his once friend, or the pent-up frustration of this past season that’s gotten to him, but one thing for sure was that Satoru came a lot — your wet panties currently pooled and soaked in his cum being proof of it.

“What took you so long, was looking all over for you?” Someone chirped behind you.

Flustered from hearing his voice, you quickly turned around, flinching when you felt a lump of fluid squeeze out of your pussy.

Cheekily smiling as he pulled up his skates while apologetically smiling, “I need my strings fixed… wondering if you had any extra?”

“Haibara-chan…” you forced out a chuckle, trying to shake away the sudden surprise, lightly shaking your head while you took his skates, “I’m starting to wonder…” slowly untying his laces, the cold stadium making it a bit difficult for your fingers to grasp onto the material, “if you’re doing something fishy with these?”

“... That's Gojo-san,” Haibara mumbled under his breath, sitting down on the bench, the clothes of his uniform oddly too big for his growing physique, “It just somehow ends up getting worn out all the time,” the younger man sulked, “I blame Yaga-Sensei for running us so hard during practice.”

“Mhm,” you hummed while searching through the team bag to find a new pair of white laces, “I’m teasing, Haibara-chan,” opening up the fresh pack to string his skates, “just promise me, you won’t be like him.”

“Him?” Haibara curiously asked, cocking his head to the side, his blunt bangs moving with the angle of his head.

Yes, Him — the one who’s currently in a headlock from Yaga-Sensei for completely blowing off the pre-game interviews.

“Ah, guess you’re referring to Gojo-san,” Haibara looked into the field, and took a glance at you, “but you like him, no?”

“Huh?” you felt a sudden pang in your stomach when hearing those words.

“Sorry! I meant like friends!” He raised his hands to rectify the tension from your question, cheeks blushing in embarrassment. “You’re close to him, right? We've noticed you both spend a lot of time together,” he hummed.

“Ah, yeah… I guess,” you softly answered, barely audible.

“He’s handsome and friendly, awfully a good athlete, and is smart too?” Haibara was practically bouncing on his seat while bragging about his beloved senpai, “There’s practically nothing the man can’t do!”

“Sure… but he’s the most insufferable human I’ve ever met in my life,” you grumbled, slouching in your seat to hide your face from possibly showing any emotion while talking about him.

“Really? Wow, I’m jealous,” he whispered, yet his voice chirped in adoration, “maybe he just really likes you, you know… like how close friends do that to each other! ”

Close friends.

Guess the dynamic of the relationship was of close friends but… not with a good conscience — close friends with benefits.

Despite the nature of your relationship with him, he wasn’t what you imagined. Indeed, you both didn’t start with the most cordial dynamic. You hated him and despised his guts when he “accidentally” stepped on your white shoes while he rushed out of the lockers.

Normally you wouldn’t mind. Accidents happen and you weren’t particularly fussy about those things to care. But when the contender that stepped on your shoes had size twelve feet, a literal giant compared to yours, of course, you’ll get livid — especially when the dirt of his soles made your shoe look gray from one step alone; furthermore, when he didn’t dare to say a simple sorry.

You recall grunting, mumbling curses at the stupidly tall asshole, with an even stupid smirk on his face while cleaning your shoes with a toothbrush during the middle of the night. You slept with the intent to kill him the next morning and make his life a living hell when you’re introduced as the team’s manager.

But guess what, Satoru would always have the upper hand. Before you can even introduce yourself, he’s stiffly walking towards you with a hand awkwardly scratching the back of his head while pushing something in your direction.

“Here,” he stares off to the side as he hands you a shopping bag, “I wasn’t sure what size you wore if it doesn’t fit, you can exchange it.”

“What?” you eyed him, unsure why he was acting so weird.

“Sorry, we got off on the wrong foot,” Satoru lamely threw out a pun, hoping the tension would ease out with a small laugh, instead he was met with your unfazed expression.

“tough crowd,” he softly murmured, sighing before leaving the room, “well, the receipt's in the bag if you don’t like it.”

Suspiciously eyeing the bag, you took out the box and opened it. Inside was a pair of shoes that were similar to the ones you wore yesterday before he ruined them, with a little note inside and a rather cute drawing of himself.

‘Hope we can get along. Welcome to the team.’

You felt acid slowly creep its way up your throat, gurgling in your stomach, making it painfully difficult to succumb anymore to this conversation. A stamp of reality that Gojo Satoru may possibly, after this game, become nothing more than a fever dream.

It’s silly, really. And it was even more ridiculous how you pulsed in your seat, longingly wanting that he would win — not for his own success, but for yours.

“Sometimes I wish he would be —”

“Yu and Kento, get your asses over!” Despite being from across the rink, Yaga-sensei’s voice boomed as if he was right next to you, breathing down your ear.

“I think Sensei is calling for you guys,” you interjected, kindly smiling with your eyes as you passed on his skates.

“Oh shit!” His eyes rounded, face paling and body antsy in his seat, “Ahh thank you for stringing these for me.” Bowing multiple times in gratitude as he reached over his skates, “Nanami! We gotta go!”

“Tell Sensei I’m not here.” You could hear his faint voice coming from the corner, his thick jacket covering his whole body with only his laced skates peeping from the bottom.

“I’ll give you five seconds, ” Yaga-Sensei threatened, “or you’re both running laps around the field till you drop tomorrow.”

“Yes, sir!” Haibara immediately stood up, quickly dragging his fellow blonded friend along with him — for someone less enthusiastic about his games and practices, Nanami was always fully dressed for the game.

“Ahh Gojo-san! Look this way!”

“GAHHH! Gojo-senpai is coming here! My phone! I need a picture!”

The shriek of his fans' screams painfully rang in your ears.

The chant of his name gets louder, the shrill becoming overbearing when you notice him skating towards your side of the stadium.

“Don’t you dare come here,” you mouthed, your eyes shooting daggers at the smirk on his face.

You could tell — no, you could feel every inch of your body being observed by the audience, daggers being sent in your direction.

Did he just fucking wink at me?

It was infuriating just how normal he was on the court while you writhed in your seat, having a mental shock whenever you felt a hot gush of viscous fluid drip onto your panties.

Satoru makes a crisp stop in front of you, taking off his helmet and shaking his hair. It was comical the way his fans fell to their knees, girls practically foaming at the mouth and guys mentally noting how to up their rizz game like the athlete.

Opening up the side door, he leans against the railing with his elbows resting on the surface, “you good?” he arrogantly asked. Though his words sounded caring, the slight mischievous twinkle in his eyes told otherwise.

“What do you think, Satoru?” You hissed through your teeth despite the friendly smile you gave him.

“Good girl,” he whispered out, just enough for you to hear, “ wouldn’t want you to waste any of it.”

“Gojo Satoru, I swear —”

The stereo briefly shrieks before announcing, “Ladies and Gentleman! Here come the visitors onto the rink! Give them your loudest cheers!”

Immediately you can see his jaw clenching, and the once vibrant color of his cerulean eyes becoming a shade darker as he turned around to face the opposing team. his gaze specifically lands on the team captain — Geto Suguru, Kyoto Spartan’s center.

“Are you going to be okay?” softly placing your hand on his forearm, worried he wouldn’t be able to control himself and act on his emotions.

“Yea,” he turned around half-heartedly chuckling as he looked down at your hand comforting him, only to look up with a smug look on his face, “you worried about your soon-to-be boyfriend?”

“I’m being serious, Satoru,” you lightly gripped his arm, the look of your eyes solidified his one of many reasons why he fell for you in the first place.

You were kind. well, kind enough to accept all his bullshit.

“I know, and I am, too.” He calmly reassured with his gloved hand placed over yours, “It’s gonna be a good game, and I gonna make you my girlfriend, so don't fall too hard, okay?” Satoru playfully winked, briefly squeezing your hand before leaving you to join his team, “I’ll be fine, worry about me after the game because I’m going to need it.”

Today would mark the champions for the Mens Division I finals: the Tokyo Trailblazers vs. the Kyoto Spartans.

The final terminus of once childhood best friends, Gojo Satoru and Geto Suguru, now stood on opposite sides to be the final victor. Star players of both universities who played together till two years ago now stand as rivals at the collegiate championships.

“Eyes on the puck at all times,” Yaga-Sensei forewarned, “You’ve practiced with Suguru, and knowing his playstyle should be second nature, by now.” taking a glance at Satoru in his zone, eyes fiercely determined yet his composure was calm, “he’s not in our team, so play aggressive. Don’t ever fall behind Satoru, keep up at his pace and pass when you see the moment.”

“Yes sir,” the team harmoniously responded.

“Yu and Kento, remember to be careful, be vigilant and sharp, especially you, Nanami…” Yaga-Sensei cautioned, the lines of his furrowed brows behind his sunglasses deeply cut into his forehead, “No one else knows your position better than Suguru.”

Sophomore year, summer —

Jinx. noun. An evil spell; a person or thing supposed to bring bad luck.

It all started during your second year of university.

Just like how everything just happens, so does your relationship with Gojo Satoru. It started naturally — or you would like to convince yourself.

You were the team’s manager by title, and Satoru’s freelancing PR manager in private.

“Why the fuck do you always have to make my life miserable!” You hissed at Satoru uncaringly stuffing his clothes from his locker into his bag, “Sensei’s gonna kill me tomorrow,” you groaned, leaning against the lockers and sliding down to the cement floor.

“I think that’s a you problem,” he hummed, taking a glance down at you before he continued to pack his bags, “I told you, I wasn’t going to do that interview, especially after that shitty game.”

“You're doing this on purpose huh?” you numbly asked, the throbbing pain of your head making you feel dizzy, “you’re just a prick that can’t accept a loss.”

“Not exactly,” he nonchalantly responded while closing his locker, clicking his tongue in annoyance, “I just didn’t want to answer the same damn questions I get all the time, that’s all,” he stroked his hair back to expose his forehead before crouching down, leaning on his elbows, manspreading to your level while sitting on the bench, “it’s nothing personal, princess,” he winked.

His face was dangerously close to yours, almost as if he was taunting for something more than just a petty banter — especially in the way he titled his face, making it so easy to just —

“I wanna strangle you sometimes, you know?” you huffed out, glaring at him gloating down at you with the most irritating grin to exist.

Maybe it was the anger that blinded your senses but strangely he looked so fucking handsome, especially in his gray sweats that — you scanned him from top to bottom, and you can almost see the definition of his crotch through the lining. he was big.

You can almost bet the pink of his lips was so soft to touch, and plush to suck — what the fuck were you thinking.

Smirking when he caught your gaze on his lips for a second too long, he drew even closer. reaching down to grab your wrists to grip around the collar of his shirt, licking his lips while he challenged, “It’s your lucky day, Princess. Try me.”

Starting is always the hardest, the rest is easy.

you wanted to kiss him, badly. clenching onto his shirt with a million thoughts spiraling through your head, mentally cursing him with every possible word you knew. Everything soon became quiet the second your eyes zoomed in on him licking his lips — it was absolutely perfect — glossy with a perfect shade of pink that seduced you into agony.

So without thinking, your lips go crashing onto his. The harsh breathing through your nose sounds impatient and gruff. Kissing him, with teeth clashing and tongues fighting for dominance, Satoru immediately reciprocated by pulling you up to his firm lap.

“You wanna fuck me so bad, don’t you,” he panted in between kisses while his hand sneakingly ventured under your clothes to unclasp your bra and while the other pushed its way into your pants, harshly groping onto your soft ass.

Despite the tease in his voice, the quick speed of his hands curiously touching every inch of your body, groping and clawing, showed otherwise but leisure.

“you started it,” groaning as you threw your head back, allowing his lips to peck kisses on your skin and for his tongue to trace up to your chin.

“You’re so honest when you’re needy,” he chuckles, “practically fucking me with your eyes.” Satoru always had a way with his words. He always irritatingly managed to get under your skin, as if he had an encyclopedia written on how to annoy you, he was practically an expert at it by now.

Normally you would scoff at his ego, and throw in curses just for some flavor. But you fell silent, pussy suddenly clenching on the air when you took a peek at Satoru, easily pulling off his shirt with one hand. His warm body was draped in a perfect muscle tone while he molded your breasts to his palm, his mouth sucking on your nipple, tongue tenderly swirling around your areola.

“ngh shut up!” you rasped, “you’re so full of yourself.”

“Hmm,” he sounded pretty humming in response. Using his lips as a decoy to distract where his fingers were trekking towards, he pulled your panties off to the side to slip his slender fingers to touch your pussy — throbbing, warm, and laughably wet.

“let’s see,” groaning when he feels the warmth of your core, and your viscous juice coat his fingers. He swears that’s enough for him to cum in his pants but with all the willpower he had, he didn't — he couldn't until he's at least fucked you a couple rounds and has gotten a taste of your pussy — he lowly chuckled, “where you’re weak, princess.”

you gasped out a quiet, “fuck mhm, right there ‘Toru — j-just like that — please,” while tugging onto his hair, the hiss through his teeth sounding so melodic to your ears.

With your fingers harshly entangled in his hair, you tried to register how this all happened. Your clothes were one by one thrown onto the cold floor, with Satoru now shirtless as he littered your bosom with tender kisses, holding you behind your curved waist while you pressed your chest further into his mouth, to feel the gratification of his warm tongue sucking on your nipple.

As his fingers stroked up and down your folds, the lewd noises of your erection squelched loudly while his mildly calloused fingers rendered pleasurable friction to your clit — a new, profound sensation you’ve never felt before, especially not with your fingers or even your most reliable toys.

And it felt good — so fucking good.

“you’re so soft,” he pulled out a groan deep in his throat, “hold onto me,” he ordered, his tongue trailing up your chest while he switched positions to have you lie on the bench.

Quickly pulling out his hand from touching your cunt, to strip you from your pants and throw them off to the side, he smirks when he hears a subtle whine subconsciously release.

“No — ’Toru please —”

That's all he needs to hear. Satoru doesn’t waste a second before he’s crawling between your legs and meeting your dripping pussy.

it’s wet—so wet, he can see it through your damp panties. He almost wants to chuckle and tease you a bit. call you out on your ego, but the ache that shoots down to his cock, painfully throbbing in his briefs, banging to be freed, reminds him that he’s in no position to tease you when he’s not faring any better himself — probably worse and much more needy, desperately wanting, than you can imagine.

“I got you,” he huffed, pressing a tender kiss on your knees before spreading out your legs to settle in between them, his eyes soaking up every inch of your pussy to have it practically memorized, “I just wanna see you a bit.”

Pulling up your panties and seeing your puffy folds perfectly enveloping the fabric made his cock twitch, forcing his hips to push his hardened bulge against your needy core while a tantalizing, static pulse ripped through his body.

The thick padding of his finger pushes against your flesh. And if there was a pageant for the prettiest cunt, Satoru was goddamn sure you would win. especially with how your pussy softly recoiled every time he poked your wet flesh, simultaneously eliciting an even prettier, desperate moan.

“god you’re fucking wet,” Satoru purred as he played with just how thick your juices strung onto his fingers, “prettiest pussy I’ve ever seen,” he delightfully praised under a solemn breath.

“Satoru,” you gasp in embarrassment, hands reaching for his hair and tugging him closer to where you need him most.

So what better way is there than to play his own game — to tease and have him be the one yearning, begging at his feet.

“Yea?” gaining a bit of your conscience to lean your weight on your elbows, instead of needly lying on the bench, expecting Satoru to do something — anything, fast, “you’ve seen other pussies? Thought you were a virgin,” you teased while looking down at Satoru, pushing his bangs away from his eyes — his white hair a mess, cheeks heated and eyes dark and dilated.

but, it’s his game. no one knows the rules better than he does.

So instead of your expected reaction, Satoru chuckles, and takes his time to spread your folds open with his thumbs, blowing air while he watches in wonder as you flutter around nothing. your hole pulsates in desire as arousal drips and leaves you into a burning mess.

It’s perfect—you’re perfect, everything about you is what he’s dreamed of — no, it’s better, far better than what he's fucked his fist to all this time.

“Cute, you think so highly of me,” he snorted, unfazed by your mockery, eyes still focused on your pussy, “but you can see for yourself —” Satoru fastly pulled you down, causing you to yelp in shock at how strong he was. his face was now dangerously close to your leaking core, fingers delicately spreading out your folds, to uncurtain your pulsing hole and clit, contently smiling in adoration.

“—if I’m a virgin or not.”

“do you even know where the cli— oh my god,” you sobbed, the heaves of your chest becoming greater the moment you feel Satoru suck on your hardened bud, the plush of your thighs pushing against his head, curving your back as you pulled onto his hair, breathless from how he, too, was desperately eating you out.

it’s jaw dropping hot when his veins bulge and Adam’s apple bob while he gulps down thick saliva mixed with your sweet cum down his dry throat, his palm presses down your stomach to keep you pinned from squirming away.

he hears you and feels that you want him to. so he works, he works till his forearms burn and his biceps beautifully flex every time he fucks his finger into you, completely stretching you out, expertly adding more of his fingers to see your tight rim around his fingers clench in needy desire.

It doesn’t take him long to make you cum. Perfectly in tandem with the pressure of his mouth sucking your clit, to the rhythm of his finger inching deep within to find your sweet spots, guess, it’s not a surprise it takes him less than two minutes to locate it and another minute for you to be gushing. Quivering in his reign, the pleasure overwhelming as you came in his mouth— it’s almost painful how euphoric it felt.

Sucking and lapping every last bit of you while steadily pulsing his fingers in and out as you slowly came down from your climax, it wouldn’t be Gojo Satoru if he didn’t get the last word.

Letting go of your abused pussy with a soft kiss to your clit, his lips down to his chin were drenched, glistening, and dripping with your cum.

“You were saying?” he grinned.

Two hours thereafter, that day, Gojo Satoru performed a career-high of scoring seven goals.

Day of finals, thirty seconds till the game starts —

“Nanami,” throwing his arm around his Kohai, "I always knew you would be most fitting for this position,” a gentle voice welcomed himself.

“Geto-san,” Nanami's voice was emotionless, “you’re more than welcome to come and take it back,” the junior sarcastically jibed.

“Me? Don’t know if Satoru —”

“Get away from him, Suguru,” Tokyo’s team captain cut the rival off, “the game’s about to start, Nanami.”

Suguru shrugs while Nanami swiftly strides to his position as right-wing, carefully watching the scene behind Gojo’s back.

“Satoru!” The raven-haired now standing in front of Tokyo’s center amicably called out, eyes forming a crescent behind the thick black and white helmet, “long time no see.”

Satoru was straight to the point, desperate, “why’d you leave…?”

“No hello? My… Satoru,” the other chuckled while he comfortably situated his stick, next to the puck while both teams waited for the starting bell to ring, “where have your manners gone.”

“are those rumors true?” Satoru asked while lowering his stance, preparing himself to get the first puck to start the game.

“The rumors?” Suguru questioned, a slight twitch of his lips giving away his faux innocence, “Oh —” scoffing while reciprocating Satoru’s actions, “Ahh, the one about me being a traitor?”

“Suguru, I know you. Tell me the tru —”

A loud buzz echoes in the stadium, Satoru’s words falling blank under the blaring cheers of the fans.

“Taking the lead —” the announcer reported live through the blaring amplifier.

“Guess, we’ll both have to see how much you know me, Satoru,” Suguru swiftly stated in the milliseconds of passing Satoru, speedily making his way for the opponent’s goal.

“— ladies and gentleman, has the Tokyo Trailblazers finally found their match? The Kyoto Spartans will take the lead with player Geto Suguru setting the pace!”

The second period, five minutes till the buzzer for intermission —

Tokyo (3): Kyoto (3)

Grunting as he pushed his way through the defense, despite the chaos of the stadium, he could hear the familiar crisp sound of skates closely behind him, “I heard you’re finally sleeping with her,” Suguru smirked, now skating parallel to Satoru.

“Shut the fuck up,” Satoru grunted, making every effort to keep pushing for the offense, expertly navigating through the rink while juggling the puck past the opposing team, quickly passing the biscuit to Nanami, “it’s none of your damn business,” Satoru hissed out.

“You're scared that she might not like you? ” Suguru breathed behind his ear, “when that’s all you’ve been painfully doing till now?”

Wrong, Suguru couldn’t be more far from it.

Because since the beginning, for him, noncontingent of your response to him, it’s always been you.

And outside being the gifted athlete who’s endowed with greatness, with you, Satoru had two personas.

the one that desperately fucked you.

Crashing into the lockers, the impact of your back being further pushed onto the cold medal sent shivers down your body with every desperate thrust of his cock into you. It was awfully dangerous to moan out of his name, let alone to even breathe when his teammates were just outside the door.

“Shh, be a good girl,” he grunts while slowly fucking his cock out of you, only to ram it back in with even greater force, while his hand simultaneously covers your mouth, “don’t want people to hear you getting fucked, do we?”

Muffling your moans with his palm, his cock relentlessly pistols in without any leisure to be accommodating to your aching core. His breathing becomes more hitched as his thrusts become more languid to press deeper — his length reaching as far in as it can go — it would be an understatement if you weren’t scared that he could practically rip you in half in this position.

You grab him. and your nails dig deeply into his back, marking his skin with angry scratches of crimson red. maybe he was a masochist, but the pain of your nails coloring his back was nothing compared to the pleasurable satisfaction he got when your gummy walls suffocated his cock.

Kicking out his teammates, only to fuck behind their backs as they cluelessly started on their warmups before a game was routine.

He’s memorized every inch of your body, studied where it makes you writhe, tremble, and immediately latch onto him for your dear life while he helps you reach your high.

And right now, he knew. He can feel it in the way you’re clenching down on him that you were close. Not that he had any idle leisure of his own, but just enough to pump his cock feverishly into you, bullying past your abused hole as he lavished in the melodic symphony of his balls slapping against your cunt.

He has you folded against the wall, his arms holding you up and hitched under your thighs while he mercilessly fucked you. The burning in his muscles and the strain he felt in his body was nothing comparable to the heaven he was experiencing with your powerless stance under him while his hips snapped forward, his cock dominating your insides with his hand covered in your drool.

“—Toru please” you tried yelling, only for your voice to fall faint each time he rutted inside you, his cock completely disappearing in your body only to magically reappear to stretch you out again and burrow its length deeply within.

“angel,” he taunted, his breath fanning against your heated face, causing your eyes to swell up in tears when your eyes linked with his, briefly opening up his hand to allow you to breathe, “you gonna be quiet?”

You softly nodded, your insides clenching to stop the weird pressure that was building up inside, “it feels weird here, Toru — ahh it’s too much!” you whimpered, touching your tummy while your body ricocheted from his force.

“Yea? Then cum for me princess, I know you’re close,” he growls into your ear, his hot breath making it even more difficult to breathe, “you’re such a good girl taking my cock so well,” he praised, groaning when he immediately felt you throbbing around him in response.

The moment you see stars and your mind fall blank is when thick ropes of cum shoot inside you. you can almost feel the individual splurge of his hot seeds coating your walls, with every desperate thrust he made to completely milk out his cock, his tip throbbing while he grunted with pleasure.

“I fucking love —” he rasped out, face nuzzled into the cave of your neck. it was difficult to mesh out his last word from his harsh panting to catch his breath as he felt the lumps of his cum squeeze past his member, still inside you, splattering onto the floor with a warm trail of liquid gushing down his thighs.

“good luck today,” you whispered.

Luck? he didn't need.

But you? he absolutely, detrimentally did.

Or, the latter.

The one that, still, fucked you — because he loved you, like a lover.

With the days that surpassed as being his friend — with benefit — the more he’s taken a place in your life. It started with freely coming over after practice — fucking, despite not having a game the day after. Your bathrooms would naturally have another towel hung, and an extra toothbrush would stand next to each other.

Groceries were always Satoru’s duty, while you stocked up on the self-care necessities. Satoru particularly loved getting a facial with you with all the high-end masks and oils, cuddling under the blanket while you both watched cringy romcoms.

But it was undeniably his personal favorite when he could give you a facial with his cum splattered onto your face — it’s beautiful seeing you covered with his seeds. Or when his face is drenched in your sweet juice, despite his lungs desperate for air he immediately pushes you further down to sit on his face when he catches you trying to move away.

It’s become a ritual. you've become his religion.

He comes at exactly 8:47 P.M. And you wait for him.

The key to your door opens at the exact time.

He grins when you walk up to greet him.

“Waited for me?” he softly cooed, placing his index finger under your chin, his lips onto yours while sucking gently before pulling away, a string of saliva connecting you both, but quickly snapping when he brushes his thumb across your cheeks.

If the universe orbited around you, he was your centripetal force.

“So pretty,” he praised while looking into your eyes, breathless as if he could be absorbed into it.

“I have food —”

"Later,” he abruptly cuts you off, pulling you close to his body, ”but, I think —” humming with his lips barely brushing against your cheeks, his hand squishing them together as he confesses.

“— I'm gonna fuck you so hard,” his voice was unusually sweet for saying something so crude, “that you won't even be able to see out of those pretty little things."

You softly gasped, flustered and unsure of how to respond to such a comment. Instead, you roll your eyes as your hands find the back of his head to pull him into another kiss, moaning into his mouth as he grinds the throbbing erection in his sweats over your heated core.

His hands roam around your body, particularly groping your ass before his fingers tug at the waistband of your shorts — his favorite ones that always managed to get him bricked up.

"No panties, huh?" He states with amusement, "Aren’t you a bad kitty acting all coy,” he chuckles.

"Shut up," you retort, your cheeks feeling hot under the pressure.

“You don’t want it?” he rebuttals, taking a step back as if there was even a choice.

It’s infuriating how much power he had over you, enticing you in his grip as you mindlessly frolicked in his palm. And it doesn’t help that he looks… well… he looks gorgeous, dangerously handsome — especially with his hair mildly wet, and his warm body fragrant with cologne and body wash.

“I said,” wrapping your arms around him, further pulling him by the neck — so close that you can feel the tent that’s bulging under his sweats and the desperation that overflows in his visage while he angles his lips to perfectly match yours, “fuck me.”

“That’s more like it,” he murmurs before kissing you — it’s feverish and wanton, the type that makes you weak in your knees and your core to burn up in flames.

His steps immediately guide you to your bedroom, groaning and grunting while clothes are being stripped off one by one, leaving a trail of evidence with no intent of stopping the kiss.

Your feet knock against the foot of the bed, his signal to push you onto the mattress, abruptly ending the kiss as he looks down at your flustered expression with a smirk on his lips.

Relishing in your gaze, Satoru strips in front of you. Pulling his shirt over his shoulders with one hand, he flexes his stomach and takes his time to get naked.

He knows you'll look — you always do. Outside of being an athlete, what was the purpose of hitting the gym? To catch you lusting after him. He can practically see your mind racing with thoughts, and he couldn't wait to show that he's better than what your silly, pretty, little brain could ever imagine him doing to you.

Examining him from top to bottom, propped up on your elbows, you absorbed the sight of his smooth, toned chest as he stripped, the dentures of his muscles beautifully sculpted down from his chest to the crisp lining of hip dents that led to his crotch.

Leaning over, his body caging you with his toned arms, he gently places a kiss on your forehead, “like what you see?” he chuckles, “I’m pretty sexy, right?”.

"what the fuck?" you suddenly gasped.

“what?!” he whines — you can see his hair practically deflate.

Brushing your fingers over his chest, running your hand down to his abs, it’s smooth and toned. “thought your nipples would be pink,” you snorted, pinching his nipples.

He flinches at the pain, "it’s a brownish pink, for your information," He states, pouting, “and you’ve only noticed it now after how many times you’ve seen me naked?”

"I’m joking, stupid," You laughed, the melodic tune of your joy ringing in his ears like a constant melody.

“but I’m pretty right?” he pouts, biting your shoulders and softly kissing his denture marks.

“Yea sure whatever,” you breathe out, throwing your head back as he now kisses up your neck, your heart just about to burst out of your chest.

"Let's get this off, hm?" Satoru kindly asks while tugging on the bra strap.

Obediently nodding, you raise your arms like a kid, and he pulls it off over your head. And unlike the trail of clothes you’ve both left behind, he manages your garment with care — especially after the last one he “accidentally” ripped.

His hands rest on your stomach, fingers stroking every curve before he brings them up to cup your boobs, pushing up your breast to squish it softly.

“Feel good?” he asks, watching your expression slowly unfold in bliss.

And before you know it, he's dragged his hands down to your thigh, his fingertips softly grazing slowly to your panties, getting dangerously close to womanhood.

"Tell me how much you want me to touch you," He whispers, and in response you shove your fingers into his hair, gripping tightly.

The light callous of his fingertips trail over your clothed clit, gently stroking the base with his fingers, feeling your panties slowly becoming more damp with each touch.

Further opening up your legs, allowing him full access, he immediately takes the offer and ventures further along. situating himself in between your thighs to pull your panties off, kissing your hardened bud while peering up to see you touching your breasts, it’s a sweet sight to see for Satoru — breathless — while you longingly waited for him to just hurry the fuck up.

“god, you’re soaked,” he groans, chuckling as he murmurs, “That’s fuckin’ cute.”

"Right there-" you whisper, and he nods, dragging his fingers along, slowly moving them around to stimulate you as he sucked on your clit, taking his time to prep you

“You still didn’t —” The vibration of his voice further stimulates your needy pussy, gasping as you curve your back, desperately reaching for more of his perfect stimuli, “answer my question,” he states.

"Don't piss me off," you groan, pushing his face back into its rightful place.

"Goddamn," He mutters, the grip of his hand on your thighs becoming harsher, and the stuck of his mouth further fueled fire to your core.

"I don't know how much longer I can wait when you treat me like that," he grunts while standing up again, simultaneously pushing down his pants and briefs, wasting no time as he wiggles out of his sweats.

You can see his dick is hard, twitching as it greets you.

He exhales heavily, stroking his length as he situates his head to brush over your pussy. He’s seen it countless times, but will never get enough of measuring just how far he can settle inside you. The sweet plush of your tummy offers more cushion and excitement as he watches you hitch up your hips, impatiently waiting for him.

"aren't you excited?" Gojo says with a grin, using his thumb to rub circles around your clit, guiding himself past your folds, purposefully missing your entrance to coat himself with your natural lubricant.

He doesn’t even wait for your answer, and wastes no time pushing himself in, pulling out a whimpered groan, allowing your walls to open up and welcome his entrance.

He picks up his pace, rhythmic and balanced while sliding his hands under your hips to lift you up slightly to make sure his entire length can fit inside.

"You're so tight.” Satoru grunts with a furrow in his brows as he dug his nails into your ass. hissing through his teeth while he continued to fuck through your tight hole, “You don't make this easy for me, do you?" He mocks, his grip tightening on your hips as he pulls you forward, your naked breasts bouncing with every impact.

You close your eyes, feeling every inch of his cock inside you. The slight tickle of his trimmed pubic hair brush against your clit as he slowly starts to roll his hips.

"You're so —" You whined, concentrating on keeping your sanity every time his tip painfully brushed back your sweet spot, "ngh — lazy!"

"Lazy, huh?" he scoffed, licking his lips like a predator locked in on his prey.

“ahh!” you yelped. within seconds you immediately find yourself on your stomach with Satoru’s weight crushing you from above. flipping you over without notice, wrapping a hand under your jaw as he turned your face towards him to deeply kiss, his feet harshly spreading and locking your thighs apart while his cock rammed into you, his balls splattering your wetness with each thrust.

"Maybe I won’t be so lazy if you become my girlfriend,” He states with a smirk, “just give in angel, you like my cock.”

“fuck — ‘Toru! slow d-down” you managed to cry out his name, his cock mercilessly thrusting into you, “you have n-no,” by now you were a babbling mess at how good he was fucking you, drooling with your lungs burning inside your ribs, “game tomorrow.”

“boo you’re boring,” He provokes, pushing his hand under your stomach to pull you on all fours, “never answering my questions.“

It doesn't take long for Gojo to adjust himself behind you. especially since your dripping cunt made it so for him to slide through every time. but it takes moments for you to readjust to him — every new position meant greater access for his cock to rearrange your insides.

“but this pussy will always be my good luck charm.”

It's almost as if you can feel his smirk as he grabs your hips, and begins to roughly pound into you in doggy.

"Look who’s lazy, c'mon, keep hips up, angel," He effortlessly teases, spanking your ass and firmly gripping onto the pulsing flesh.

"S-shut up, asshole,” you hissed, putting your head down on your arms for more leverage — it’s shocking how you’re not flying onto your headboard from the force of him thrusting into you.

"That's rich considering your asshole is right in front of me.” he chuckles, spreading open your cheeks to see your other hole pulsing on top of the one he was currently fucking, the rim barely withholding his girth, “ wanna try anal? it’s pretty, by the way."

"D-do you ever shut up?" You complain, reaching over to grab your pillow to muffle your moans. but in that split second, Satoru catches your wrists and pulls you backward, your back heavily arching and breasts rapidly bouncing in all directions, mimicking the robust thrusts of his cock pistoling into you.

“how can I, when you look so pretty,” his thrusts become more aggressive, “getting” thrust, he watches you crumble, face contorting in pleasure, he can tell you’re close, “fucked? thrust “by” he quickly catches your hand trying to reach down to stimulate your clit, “my” deeply pushing in, further splitting you open in half, the tip of his member knocking against womb, “cock.”

“too much…ahhh—wait! ‘Toru!” The bed violently shook as he drove his cock, balls slapping your wet pussy as your legs trembled with warm liquid dripping down from your thighs, slowly pooling onto the sheets.

“just say it, princess, you love me,” he growls, thrusting more as he nibbles on your lobes, pleasurable tears sliding down your cheeks as you instead gasp out his name.

“at least your pussy is honest.”

---

“I’m not here to talk, Suguru, get the fuck out of my way,” Satoru growled while pushing the other off.

“Don’t tell me, you still got no pussy to ask her out, Satoru,” the raven hair taunted.

“Nanami!” Satoru called out noticing his wing’s position wide open to shoot for a goal. It was apparent in the way Satoru briefly lost his balance, his composure starting to chip away from the strain of his muscles that he was getting exhausted — a feat Satoru would normally never struggle with until the last couple minutes of the game.

But speedily passing by and braking with thick shaving of ice spraying from the sudden stop, intercepting the puck when Nanami passes — a gameplay Suguru’s practiced countless times with Satoru — the Kyoto’s center was now in possession of the puck, taking no moment to rest before charging the opposite direction.

In those split seconds, Suguru jeered, “wasn't this our favorite play?”

“Fuck!” Satoru muttered under his breath, quickly changing momentum to skate the opposite way.

And just before the buzzer goes off, Suguru easily angles his stick to chip the puck, the force of the impact causing the biscuit to shoot straight into the net.

Satoru huffs just meters away, dumbfounded at how much Suguru’s improved and curated his craft. A force he once relied upon and leaned on, trained tooth and nail while shedding blood, sweat, and tears together since fourteen now has become a thorn to his side that contrived to bring him down, Suguru bypasses his once best friend, standing in shock.

“are you still in denial, or have I answered your question about who’s the traitor, Satoru?”

Tokyo (4): Kyoto (5)

Intermission before the third, final period —

A tie (6:6)

It was the longest eighteen minutes of your life. no one dared to even speak. Through the chatter and vibrancy of the stadium, only the heavy huffs and gulping of electrolytes of the players were heard. Even Yaga-Sensei just sat there, brows furrowed with his thick arms crossed over his chest.

And Satoru, too, silently sat on the bench, leaning on his elbows parched to his thighs, manspreading with a towel thrown over his head. The heat of his body contrasted with the gelid stadium had faint white smoke radiating from his expended body.

“Satoru,” you gently called out while handing out a fresh towel for him to use, “you’re going to catch a cold.”

“Don’t need it,” he dully murmured without taking a second to raise his head to acknowledge you.

“I —,” Yaga Sensei grasped hold of your shoulder to stop you from saying anything regretful that would further disturb him. Biting your tongue, you sighed, “Sure.”

The cold response of someone who literally just rearranged your guts so wantonly before the game, sharing an intimacy with him throughout the years that bloomed into something more than what you’d like to acknowledge than simply being a friend with benefit caused both frustration and helplessness to boil within you for not being unable to help him.

Not like he needed your help, nor did he ever ask. But from time to time, you wished he would let down his burdens with you, and allow you to carry his weight for a while.

Only once has he ever shown you his emotional side. The infamous night when Satoru received the news of Suguru’s departure, you found him drunk in front of your apartment waiting for god knows how long.

all you could remember was that the night was awfully cold for someone to have a broken heart.

That night, despite no words being said, the comfort of your arms and the warmth of your skin helped him to sleep despite the storm that raged in his mind.

It was understandable his mood. Normally he wouldn’t be so emotionally invested in a game, even if he had lost. During intermissions, he would either be chatting up a storm, blowing your ear off about all the plays he’s made and if you’ve finally fallen in love with him. Or, two, he’ll be listening to you nagging at him to not go throwing his opponents against the wall while wrestling for the puck.

Hockey was aggressive, but it was also an athlete’s duty to learn how to play smart and do their best to abstain from injuries that could potentially harm their career — especially, if the athlete in question is one preparing for his national debut to representing Japan in the Winter Olympics the following year.

Awkwardly, eyeing your expression, Haibara laughed while scratching the back of his head, cheerfully asking, “I would like a new one, mine’s a little damp.”

“Me too,” his blonded friend chimed in, his voice not as enthusiastic as Haibara’s.

Smiling in appreciation, you lent them a towel and extended the care to the other players as well.

“Why’d you give him the steal?” Sensei bluntly asked, looking at the rink while sternly watching Suguru make his way onto the field. His ex-disciple gave his old coach his respects with a little bow when he caught his gaze.

“Are you seriously asking me that right now?” Satoru numbly stated, the clenching of his fists reflecting his true emotions.

“You know what to do,” Yaga-Sensei firmly stated, pushing his sunglasses up his thick nose, wasting no time before the buzzer rang again to redirect his player, “you know him better than anyone else, trust your instincts.”

Twelve minutes till game —

The crowd roars. Currently in the last period, with a couple more minutes on the clock to crown the final winner, both teams ferociously fought to control the game.

The pluck clicks with each hit against the blade. Speedily sliding against the ice it was almost difficult to see it on the field.

Currently, in possession, Nanami pushed forward, putting pressure on Kyoto’s defense as Haibara simultaneously rushed to the other side, leaving Satoru wide open for a pass. Nanami prepares to hit a pass over to his captain, hitching the puck in the air for a quicker velocity towards Satoru, who’s ready to receive —

The glass walls tremble on impact. Flinching at the loud noise, your eyes widen when you see it unfold in slow motion. Both bodies harshly collided against the wall with Satoru getting sandwiched between two forces. expelling out a groan as he slid down the wall, with puffs of white smoke spewing from his lips with each harsh huff of his chest.

“Seems like a brawl has occurred between the two captains!”

“And from the looks of it, Gojo Satoru is struggling to get back on his feet!”

“No,” you muttered under your breath, face paling and body going cold despite the adrenaline pumping through your blood, you pushed your way through the audience to get to where he was.

Your mind felt like a minefield. With bombs ticking, threatening to explode with each step you took. Nauseous from the anxiety, it was becoming increasingly difficult to breathe as if there was a ball stuck in your throat. And despite the efforts to try and stay calm, it was rather difficult when your thoughts replayed the countless other injuries Satoru sustained during your time as his manager.

“He’s going to have to take at least 8 to 10 weeks off for his fracture to heal.” The emergency physician stated, pointing at the small crack on his right clavicle.

“He probably won’t listen,” Sensei remarked, crossing his arms while letting out a deep sigh, “is there any way he can recover faster?”

“It’s fine guys —” Satoru tried playing it off.

“Shut up,” you and Sensei simultaneously interjected, scolding him to be quiet as if he were a child.

Clearing his throat, “As I was saying, it must’ve been painful for him to have played in this state, I imagine this was an ongoing injury he’s sustained in the past,” the doctor murmured while further analyzing the film.

You immediately shot daggers at him, glaring when the doctor unintentionally outed Satoru’s injury he’s been keeping a secret. Flinching, Satoru slowly sank further into his bed, covering his face with his blanket.

“Though, being diligent with his PT and fully resting his body for at least six weeks will be the fastest route for recovery.”

But, well… it doesn’t take more than five weeks for you to get a text from Suguru.

From: Suguru

Don’t get mad…

To: Suguru

You saying this makes me already mad. What happened?

From: Suguru

Just bring some icepacks and some sweets and head over to Satoru’s place.

To: Suguru

I swear to god if you guys play —

From: Suguru

... it's his fault.

And it doesn’t take you more than thirty minutes to be blowing up his doorbell, knocking on his door at exactly 12:34 A.M. with an ice cooler with icepacks and a bag full of his favorite candy.

Thud!

“Fuck… ow that hurt.” You heard a muffled voice through the door.

“It’s me.” You curtly announced.

Quickly opening the door, his elbow leaning against the door with an insouciant tone to his voice, he cracked a boyish smile, “Ah, isn’t this my favorite person. What brings you here?”

“I told you not to —” Rage bubbled up inside you as you glared at him.

“Okay!” Nervously holding up his hands, doing his best to calm you down, “before you get mad —”

“I’m already mad, Satoru —”

“Okay! Fine! Before you get even madder,” taking the heavy loads off your shoulders, settling them onto the floor, his warm hands cup your face, “it’s really nothing big. Just feels a little strained that’s all,” he tried to reassure when he sees you about to object.

“Really, I’m fine,” his eyes urged you to trust him, “I just… missed being on the rink, that’s all.”

Your eyes soften when you see the little sulk on his lip, and notice how he’s lost a little weight in his cheeks. Quickly letting out a deep sigh through your nose, you mumbled out, “I’ll be the one to decide if you’re fine or not.”

---

“Take your shirt off.” You ordered, firmly holding onto the hem of his white shirt while saddling on his thighs.

“Oh wow.” he placed his hands on his chest, acting innocent from your forwardness.

“Satoru, take your shirt off,” you grumbled, pulling at his shirt and rolling your eyes when it was easily removed, despite him acting naive, again his hands covered his bare chest — just managing to barely cover his sculpted pectorals.

“It’s really nothing,” he blushed, awkwardly looking off to the side with a guilty smile.

“Satoru you just took off your sleeve,” you murmured, placing an ice pack on his collarbone, your voice filled with worry.

“I’m really fine, baby,” he loosened up after seeing the cute pout on your lips, your brows faintly furrowed as your fingers ever so lightly iced his injury.

“I’m not your baby,” you stated with a glare, clearly not impressed with his defiance to go against his doctor’s orders, “I don’t date people that don’t listen to me,” you said without much thought while tending to his bruised clavicle.

“Oh —” his ears perked at hearing your words.

Fuck.

“Wait! What I meant was —”

It was evident that he was trying to contain his smile from the way he bit his lips. “You so wanna date me don’t you?”

---

It’s not a surprise how you ended up in this position.

It started off with a light kiss, lips softly meshing with each other with light teasing of tongue — he swore, it’ll be just one kiss.

Soon enough hands start to idly move on their own accord, groping areas, and massaging places that wouldn’t particularly follow with just one kiss, leaving you both simultaneously panting and yearning for more.

And then you’re grinding on his throbbing cock, spit slightly leaking from the edge of your mouths while tongues feverishly fought for dominance, naked with your pussy pulsing and dripping in need to swaddle and engulf him whole.

Progressing forward, you’re slowly sinking onto his length, bottoming out with your ass seated on his thighs, foreheads linked while you both took a minute to adjust to one another. like an unspoken language, you both solemnly breathed, that even if the world crashed around you both, nothing would matter because the other was there.

He’ll cum.

It’s beautiful how he does it. And in moments like these, you can’t deny that the man who’s chasing after his high under you was the man you loved.

With his mouth gaping open, his white brows furrow as he gasps for air while his large hands grip your bum, spreading out your cheeks for easier access through your hole. He desperately thrusts into you, unrhythmic and hips helpless from the warm seduction your plush walls have over him. His seeds shoot straight to your womb, filling you entirely with pulps of his cum leaking through your cunt. And it takes him a couple seconds to breathe as he rides out his high.

And then you’ll be sandwiched in between the sofa and his heavy body, his cock rummaging inside, amplifying the sound of his member shoved through your dripping cunt. It’s loud and sloppy the way he fucks into you. Wanton and bashful in the way his muscles tighten in tandem with you clenching down when his head hits just the right spot.

Your legs immediately wrap around his hips, securing him down to fuck you in that position. And he doesn’t retaliate from the limited position, instead, he welcomes it. With his face burrowed into the curve of your neck, his palms pushing your thighs to your chest— biting, clawing, scratching, and licking — doing whatever it takes for you to rectify the burning ache in between your thighs, and for him to release his seeds into you again — again, and again, and again.

“—toru! please,” you cried out and in your plea, he answered, “I’m right here,” Satoru groaned, “Keep up with me — fuck, I swear, jus’ a little more.”

Tightly wrapping his arms around you, his face nuzzled closely to your ear. Despite him already being inches deep within you, his every grunt and pant, the desperate moans he releases while he states your name, mixed with delirious curses has you craving for more.

With his mind hypnotized from the pleasure of his cock rummaging your insides, swaddled in care despite his cock bullying past your folds, he becomes possessive and carnal.

“This is mine,” he harshly bites your shoulders, pleased when you yelp while simultaneously tightening your reign on his cock burrowed within your walls, “all mine. You’re fucking mine,” he proclaimed.

“ — ‘Toru please keep going fuck right there!” you sobbed, cheeks stained with euphoric tears.

“Just say you want it,” he growls muffled with his lips smashed with yours, “tell me you want me.”

“yes, I want it. I want it so, so bad — need you so bad ‘Toru!” you mewled, letting out a soft whimper, feeling the vibrations of his grunts, pulses of ecstasy pulsing through your veins and straight to your core as you succumbed all authority and control for him to do whatever he desired.

“Fuck fuck fuckkkkkk.” he curses when he hears your words. Like a broken record, it echoes in his brain, with every release of his cum, his breath hitching and body vibrating as he finally reached his climax.

The voice of you calling out his name so dearly repeats so melodically in his ears.

Soon, the room once filled with the savage slapping of wet skin and immoral use of dirty curses of pleasure while you both partook in unholy matrimony was now filled with a thick smell of post-sex pheromones, coupled with softened breaths and sweet hums of foolish lovers.

“Be careful,” you softly mumbled, under him, while your hands lightly weaved through his damp hair. you placed a soft kiss on his bruised collar, his pale skin accentuated the blue-green tint, making it look far worse than it was.

“aw, you worried for me? I’m so touched,” he faked a sob as he pulled you tighter into his arms, mumbling while he lavished in your warmth.

“I still didn’t forgive you,” you lightly pulled on his hair. his eyes were droopy and his body felt even more heavy over your limp one.

“Yea?” he hummed closer to your lips, gently kissing you while slowly grinding his hips to your wet core, “thought your harder harder ‘Toru harder was you forgiving me,” he lightly chuckled in between kisses.

“You’re the worst,” grumbling as you tightened your arms around his neck, snuggling closer to his warm body.

“Wow, you love me? I’m so touched,” Satoru softly chuckled, gently stroking your heated cheeks as he held you in his arms, he too, soaking in the warmth and feeling the beatings of your heart.

—

Your eyes focused on nothing but him despite the chaos around you — just a couple of steps from touching his slumped body,

A loud buzzer goes off, quieting your thoughts, the loud announcement ringing static in your ears.

“ Sustaining the blow, Gojo Satoru gets back on his feet again! He proves once again on the court he is The Honored One!”

Two minutes till game —

Head throbbing, and every inch of his body burning from the strain, Satoru vigilantly fought for control of the puck. Every second felt like an eternity, and every stride of his skates felt tortuous as if every fiber of his muscle were being torn apart.

Satoru quickly passes to Haibara, and fastidiously receives the puck again when he's open. Faking a move to juke out his opponent, Satoru was getting closer to Kyoto’s goal.

It was evident that fatigue was overwhelming each player on the court. With their voices hoarse, and sweat starting to sting their eyes, while puffs of smoke perspired with each agonizing breath causing their lungs to burn in their chest, no one was willing to back down.

Watching from the side while nervously biting your cheeks, you observed the game as Satoru flew through the rink. From the calmness of his eyes, and confidence in his strides, to the quickness of his feet and the gentle care to his game, things started to make sense.

For the man that obnoxiously barged into your life, ruining your pair of white shoes, to managing a spot in your heart, he sure made you fall — hard.

On one random afternoon while you watched him soundly sleep in your arms, lightly drooling as he mumbled something incoherent about some zunda and cream at Sendai Station — loving him came easily.

Because even if you tried running away, your feet would always end up back to him. And you knew the fire that you'll hold for him was going to burn, but you couldn’t resist the flame that he lit in your heart.

“With seconds to the clock, with Gojo Satoru’s lead, the Trailblazers are fighting desperately to win this game!”

Gojo Satoru — with him, it wasn’t exactly love at first sight, but it was something like that.

“The Spartans are putting up a ferocious fight, Geto Suguru tries to steal the puck but is unsuccessful! Ladies and Gentleman, Gojo Satoru goes for the goal —”

Satoru sped his way across, the white tint of his jersey barely recognizable with his speed. The crowd cheers, sirens blow off to the throne the victors of this year’s champions.

And currently, tears freely flowed down your cheeks. And you let them despite the blur as you rushed onto the rink, the soles of your shoes about to slip on the scratched ice.

Because the saddest word in the world is almost, and he was worth more than being dwindled down to a regretful almost.

And if you had to defy fate, and create your own ending, so be it. You’ll suffer the consequence of meddling with destiny, and amend for your sins, in the future, when you’re dead if that meant there was a guarantee to have him in the present.

Because in the world of almost 8 billion people, somehow your worlds are intertwined.

“Be careful!” He panicked, throwing off his helmet as he rapidly skated over to you, “You’re going to hurt yo—”

Grabbing holding of his jersey, you slammed your lips with his — with thousands in the audience, cameras obnoxiously flashing up the rink in all directions.

You won’t hear the end of it from Yaga-Sensei, he’s certainly, most definitely mad.

Your anonymity is fucked, and now everyone will know you as the ‘girl that kissed Gojo Satoru’ — probably will be trending on all socials for at least a week, and that's being generous.

Maybe you were delusional or so high off adrenaline that you didn’t notice the mayhem surrounding you — especially not Satoru’s shocked expression when you suddenly kissed him.

But your ignorant bliss was soon interrupted when you slightly opened your eyes and were met with a thousand flashing lights that almost blinded your vision.

“— oh my god!” you squealed, immediately embarrassed at what you just did, only for Satoru to quickly hide you in his embrace, your face nuzzled into his chest.

“Looks like I’m not the one that’ll get in trouble by Sensei time,” he teased with his cheek placed on top of your head.

“Get me out of here,” you whined, “I’m so embarrassed…”

“Nah” Satoru cheekily smiled, tightly embracing you, “not until you give me a date.”

“You didn’t make the last shot stupid, Nanami did.”

“False, I assisted,” he stated after briefly calling out for one of his teammates, “If you weren’t so lovestruck by my handsome face, and actually saw my brilliant performance, then you would’ve seen the phenomenal play I had with Nanami.”

“Satoruuuu,” you whined, lightly stomping on your feet, getting increasingly squirmish from all the mess you’ve created.

“Told you,” whispering into your ear, “I’ll always win,” he stated before pushing his helmet over your head, reaching down to hold your hand as he led you out of the rink. The confidence in his walk looked almost arrogant, with you helplessly following, as he made his way to the lockers — a routined celebration after a game now as your boyfriend —

“Because you're my lucky charm, babe.”

author's note: if you made it to the end, thank you. i didn't expect a silly thought to lead to my distress about creating another au for him. But nonetheless, I hope you've all enjoyed ◡̈

#ae.writes #jjk x reader #jjk smut #gojo x reader #gojo smut #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen smut #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru smut #darkmode.

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teamatsumu · 3 months

Text

compression. (sakusa kiyoomi x reader)

summary: atsumu is the perfect person to feed your obsession with kiyoomi’s arms.

word count: 1172

warnings: swearing, very mildly suggestive (if you squint), detailed descriptions of kiyoomi’s arms in compression sleeves so it’s not for the faint hearted

tags: @keiva1000 @kindnessspreads @msbyomimi

When you studied Marketing and Communications in university, you didn’t exactly anticipate that your future would include you managing a V League Division 1 sports team. But every day when you went into work, you thanked the gods above that this is where your career path had led you, because that meant you could ogle Sakusa Kiyoomi and his infamous compression sleeves all day.

Oftentimes you were certain Kiyoomi didn’t mean anything by them. For him, they were practical. They kept his arms taut and ready for the ball. They made his movements sharper. He received the ball better. He didn’t have to feel his bare skin on the dirty court. These were all reasons you had heard straight out of his mouth. When you heard him mention them so nonchalantly, it almost made you feel bad for the absolutely sinful- borderline deranged- thoughts you had in your head about the way those sleeves made his arms look.

You were well aware of the kind of thoughts Kiyoomi’s choice of athletic wear caused among his fans. To put it simply and bluntly, they went feral over it. There were whole Twitter accounts dedicated to just his arms, or his chest. And as someone who often managed social media profiles for some of the members, you got to see the most unhinged of these comments with your own two eyes. And you would be the first to (secretly) admit that you agreed with 90% of what was being said, because holy shit did those sleeves do something to you.

Most of the time during practice, you could feel your eyes drift back over to the man in question, wearing a black sports tee and those godforsaken sleeves, working up quite the set as they played set after set to prepare for their next game. As the hours passed, Kiyoomi would get more and more disheveled, curls becoming unruly enough that he would grab a towel, biceps flexing as he ran it over the nape of his neck and dipped into the collar of his shirt. Christ almighty.

You should’ve known that you would eventually get caught. But if it was anyone who would notice, you had expected it to be Meian or maybe Coach Foster. But the person who did bring it up to you happened to be the biggest nightmare in this scenario; Miya Atsumu.

“Ya should be a little less obvious ‘bout it.” He commented when he trudged over to the bench where you sat, grabbing a water bottle and beginning to chug. You tore your eyes from Kiyoomi who now had his back to you, the muscles under his shirt flexing with every movement. You raised an eyebrow at the blond, not yet correlating his words with your hidden obsession. He placed the bottle down and placed a hand on his hip, giving you a knowing smirk.

“A blind grandma could notice the way yer lookin’ at him.”

Your eyes widened and cheeks flamed when he nudged his head in Kiyoomi’s direction, and you knew you had been caught. You clenched your jaw hard.

“You say a single word-”

He threw his hands up as if in surrender, effectively silencing your threat in its tracks.

“I won’t, promise! But there is one thing…..”

You groaned loudly, throwing your head back. Of course, of fucking course he would blackmail you with this.

“What do you want?” You deadpanned, glaring at him and preparing for the worst.

Atsumu looked a bit affronted, as if the mere insinuation that he might want something was preposterous to him. You gave him another tired look, until he sighed and gave up, plopping down heavily on the bench next to you.

“A phone number. Ya know that cute girl who comes by once a month? From the Volleyball Association?”

“No.”

Atsumu’s mouth dropped like a child who just got slapped. “Hey c’mon! Ya didn’t even hear me out!”

You groaned and pinched the bridge of your nose, feeling a characteristic frontal headache begin to build, courtesy of Miya Atsumu. “I’m tired of setting you up with people, Tsumu! It won’t end well, as always-”

“I’ll get you a picture of Omi with his compression sleeves.”

You give him an unimpressed look. “I can get hundreds of those off the internet.”

“I’ll get you a picture of Omi with just his compression sleeves.”

That made you halt in your tracks. You searched Atsumu’s face for any form of mockery or lie, and you found none. Your eyebrows shot up when you realized he was being serious.

“In the locker room. I can get it for ya today.”

Oh my god. Instinctively, your eyes darted over to the man in question, who was talking to Hinata about something. It looked like volleyball tips since he had his arms before him in a receiving position, and Hinata was rapidly nodding to what he was saying.

“No.” You shook your head. “No, that’s wrong.”

“I’ll take a selfie with him, yeah? He will know there’s a photo. And I can send it in the groupchat.”

You look back at Atsumu, seriously contemplating his offer. He kept yapping, as per usual, thinking that the more he talked, the likelier it would be to convince you. And the bastard was right, it was working.

“No one else will bat an eye. We see each other in the lockers all the time. No big deal.”

You bit your lip in thought. The possibility of seeing Kiyoomi shirtless and only in compression sleeves had your pulse rising.

“And you just want her number in return?”

Atsumu nodded eagerly. You gave him a narrow-eyed glare.

“Send the picture. Then I will give you the number.”

His triumphant grin made it feel like he had already won. “Deal.”

That evening, when your phone pinged with a text notification, you nearly flew across the bed to grab it, opening the picture Atsumu sent in the groupchat with eager fingers and freezing as soon as you laid eyes on it.

Atsumu had held up his end of the bargain spectacularly.

He had taken the picture with Kiyoomi a little further in the background, so he could get the man’s full torso in it. He was facing slightly away from the camera, but his face was turned towards it, capturing the scowl between his eyebrows and the little pout of his mouth. He was gloriously shirtless, still a bit sweaty from practice, and he held his shirt in his hand, one arm flexed as he held it while the other was held carelessly by his side, compression sleeves hugging the cords of toned muscles just right.

There was another ping, pulling you out of your trance and making you realize just how dry your mouth had gotten. Atsumu had messaged you privately.

“My payment? ;)”

You rolled your eyes and sent him the number, immediately going back to the picture and starring it for future reference, a tiny smile quirking up the corner of your lip as you did so.

#msby sakusa #sakusa kiyoomi #sakusa x reader #haikyuu sakusa #sakusa kiyoomi x reader #sakusa kiyoomi x you #hq x reader #hq x you #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fanfiction #sakusa kiyoomi fluff #sakusa fluff #haikyuu msby #hq sakusa #sakusa x you

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sailoryooons · 7 months

Text

Fang Daddy | knj (m)

☾ Pairing: Vampire!Namjoon x fledgling! F. reader

☾ Summary: Ever since Namjoon turned you into a vampire, there is only one thing that you crave more than blood. Good thing your sire is more than happy to indulge in his sweet little vampire fledgling.

☾ Word Count: 3,801

☾ Genre: PWP, Supernatural, Vampires, Established Relationship

☾ Rating: 18+ Minors are strictly prohibited from engaging and reading this content. It contains explicit content and any minors discovered reading or engaging with this work will be blocked immediately.

☾ Warnings: Explicit sexual content, blood sharing, depictions of blood, feral fucking, vaginal fingering, nipple play, biting and a lot of teeth and spit and blood they’re vampires, a lot of carnal feelings, dom/sub themes, oral (f. receiving) cum eating, obnoxious use of the word daddy, subspace implications/descriptions, bodily fluids, a lot of feral thinking, explicit language, vaginal sex (reader on top), a bit rough, light degradation, reader is super needy, use of ‘good girl’ I think that’s it.

☾ Published: October 12, 2023

☾ A/N: This is a pseudo-request because @kithtaehyung and I are unhinged and somehow this is where we ended up. I am not responsible for literally anything this might awaken inside of you because this is actually what Namjoon speaking/existing awakens inside of me - and I made it Halloweenie. This is just straight-up feral sex I don’t even know if it makes sense in parts. This is mostly unedited!

☾ A/N 2: Mildly inspired by this video

☾ Disclaimer: All members of BTS are faces and name claims for this story. This is entirely a work of fiction and by no means is meant to be a projection, judgment, or representation of real-life people. Any scenarios or representations of the people and places mentioned in works are not representative of real-life scenarios.

Masterlist | Ask | Haliween Requests

“Everything okay, baby?” Namjoon’s rough voice comes through the phone. You squirm, feeling your stomach tighten. “Talk to me.”

Even the sound of his voice makes the air in the room feel thick. Heady. You can hear everything so clearly on his side of the phonecall: party noise, loud voices, the sounds of clicking champagne glasses and laughter. He tries to muffle the sound of the party, but your hearing is sharper now. Better.

You imagine Namjoon standing in the corner of the party, phone tucked to his ear, head bent down as he murmurs into the receiver. A shiver ripples through you and you can’t help but make a soft sound. The sheets in his bed are too hot against your skin, feeling staticky as you slide your legs open. You haven’t made a move to touch yourself but just the imagery of him makes your core ache.

Namjoon hears you, of course. His hearing is too sharp not to. He hums, almost a growl in the back of his throat. “Is that why you called me, baby?”

“Yes.”

“I haven’t been gone that long.”

You stick your bottom lip out. A tingling sensation spreads over your skin from the tone of his voice. When he answered, he had sonded concerned. He’d only been gone for about two hours, nothing serious. But now, his voice has shifted. It’s darker, teasing.

“What do you need?”

“You.”

It’s an honest answer. The only one that you ever have, these days. With the way your senses have been heightened since Namjoon has turned you, all you can think about his him. The smooth, warm skin of his neck. The spicy sent of his cologne and natural musk of his skin. His deep, throaty laugh as he lets you nuzzle into him, dig into him, do whatever you want.

Blood lust keeps you from going to parties with him. You’re not ready. Not this early, and certainly not with Namjoon, who acts like a natural sparkplug for you. Even with him in the same room, your instincts and rational thought blur the line between beast and person.

“Yeah?” he asks. Cocky. Assured. You roll to the side, hiding your face in the pillow. “Want me to come come and take care of you?”

You nod, but he can’t see you. He hums a question and you open your mouth, feeling the throbbing in your gums intensify at the thought of him coming home. “Please.”

“Okay. Give me twenty minutes, alright?”

“Thank you.”

“Thank you… what?”

You feel the heat creep up your neck, a blooming inferno of pleasure and embarrassment and shyness all wrapped up into a smooth little cocktail. “Thank you, daddy.”

“Anything for you baby.” Just as you go to hang up, Namjoon adds in a warning, “Don’t you dare touch yourself without me.”

Even giddy from the threat, you listen to him. Instead of toeing the line of how far you can push him, you lay in bed like a good little fledging. Before you were turned, being stubborn with Namjoon was one of your favorite things to do. He’s not quick to anger, he has all the time in the world for your shenanigans, and he is more than happy to wait until you behave yourself.

Wait is no longer in your vocabulary. Vampirism comes along with life-changing traits. Better hearing, smell, and site. You’re much faster and you don’t need sleep as much - and according to Namjoon, eventually won’t need it at all. You’re nearly invincible, and once you pass the blood phase, you can return to mixing in a normal diet with your A Positive drinks.

But something you didn’t expect was sensation. Everything feels more. Emotionally. Physically. Mentally. Music moves through you differently, bringing you to tears as you hear notes and sounds you’ve never noticed before. Skin-to-skin touch drives you wild, like your outer layer of flesh has become a minefield of nerve receptors, sparking at the slightest touch.

It is overwhelming and addicting, and you’ve learned right away that making Namjoon punish you for flirting with rebellion will drive you into hysterics faster than it will drive you to pleasure.

So you wait, just like he asked.

Hot air clings to your skin. Temperature eventually won’t bother you, but you’re still a fledging. With each day, things that were normal as a human will fade. Some things - like the eating - will return. For now, you feel flustered and shaky, knowing Namoon is coming home.

Your Namjoon. Your boyfriend. And sire.

Namjoon explained the convoluted relationship between sire and fledging only once. You have barely listened, to fixate on the bass thumping beat of the pulse in his neck. It isn’t uncommon for fledglings to be attached to their sires, especially since the vampire’s blood flows through the veins of their newly turned companion.

Plus, it’s easier to drink from Namjoon than from a person. Blood bags work fine. Deer work better. But when Namjoon lets you sink your teeth into his tender flesh to taste his most recently meal is divine, driving you somewhere between hunger and lust, trying to straddle both.

When the door to the loft opens, you sag in relief. Sweat beats on the back of your neck as you sit up a little in bed. Pillows prop you up. You’re in one of his shirts, the fabric soft and smelling like him, reaching to your mid-thigh.

Seeing him ignites your instincts, gasoline to a flame. Your fangs prick at your gums, the ache intensifying as you feel them slide out gently, prodding your tongue lightly. Your breathing quickens and your eyes zero in on him, unable to tear your eyes away.

He looks good tonight. He looks good always, but the way the turtle neck hugs the wide frame of his body makes your mouth salivate, drool pooling on your tongue. His arms ripple under the dark fabric as he stands by the door, shuffling his shoes off.

The dark shirt is tucked into perfectly tapered black dress pants, showing off his perfect waist. Namjoon’s dark hair is styled back and out of his face. The silver hoop in his right ear catches the moonlight when he turns to look at you, full lips spreading into a grin.

Namjoon rolls up the sleeves of his shirt. Your eyes dart to the smooth, tan ski no his forearms. You can already smell the blood pumping through him. It’s hot. Fresh. Your fingers grip the sheets as you sit up eagerly, realizing he must have fed just for you. To let you drink.

His gait is smooth and casual. You say nothing as you stare at him. He crosses the spacious, warehouse-style loft until he’s standing in front of the bed, looking down at you, a pile in the sheets and blankets.

Slowly, Namjoon dips his gaze down to the apex of your thighs, which are squeezed shut and shaking. Every hair stands up on the back of your neck as Namjoon puts a single knee onto the mattress. It sinks under his weight and he leans forward, hand brushing your knees to ease your legs open.

Your legs slide against the fabric unde you smoothly, feeling like heavy. It flusters you, but not nearly as much as Namjoon looking at your dripping folds, nostrils flaring. He smirks and meets your gaze, his eyes dark as ever.

“Let me see your hands.”

You untwist them from the sheets and hold them up. He leans forward more catching your fingers to twist them in the light. Your eyes flutter shut at the spark of his touch, pleasure rippling through you. It makes you go pliant. His tough fingertips turn your hands this way and that, every brush of them against your skin making you burn.

“Good girl,” Namjoon croons. You open your eyes as he drops your hands. Belatedly, you realize he was checking to see if you’d touched yourself and left signs of stickiness on your fingertips. He crawls onto the bed properly, shuffling until he’s on his knees between your legs. “Does it ache?”

“Yes,” you whisper.

Letting your head fall to the side, you close your eyes. Your pussy pulses between your legs, desire so raw for him that you have to clench your teeth to stop from crying. Namjoon’s hand skim up and down your thighs, each stroke sending you further into a pent up craze. Your heart thunders against your chest, louder and louder until you can hear your own blood rushing through your body, hunger spiking.

When you open your eyes, you meet Namjoon’s. It’s quiet in the room. Your tongue runs over the tips of your fangs. They pinch tender flesh and you open your mouth a little, flashing Namjoon your pearly little incisors.

Namjoon’s gentle hands turn to blunt nails scraping down your thighs. “What do you want?”

“Daddy.”

“Need to be taken care of?” You nod, head starting to get cloudly with want.

It’s hard like this. To figure out how to articulate. Your tongue is heavy in your mouth and your gaze is trapped on his neck. The subtle pulse drags you in. You don’t think in words so much as images and feelings. Brief flashes of what you want to do as an idea more than a thought.

Stuck between giving in to a primal instinct and being a thought-processing human leaves you in a stretch of grey that only Namjoon knows how to navigate for you. Because he knows you and what you need. Knows just what to do to get you through it.

“I’ve got you, baby.” He grips the bottom of your shirt - his shirt - and pulls upward. The scrape of the cotton against your skin is like fire. “You remember how to tell me when it’s too much?”

Too much is very likely to happen. It has before. When the thoughts, the feelings, and the sensations are so overwhelming that it suddenly feels like you will blink out of existence.

“Yes, daddy.”

The nickname drips from your tongue like nectar. You don’t remember when you started calling him that, only that it feels good and that you like the way his mouth twitches upward when you say it. Like the way it makes him a little more feral.

“Tell me.”

“Indigo.”

Cool air pebbles your nipples. You shiver, exposed, and splay out for him. His dark eyes drink you in. Twisting your fingers in the sheets, you watched with hooded eyes, feeling the arousal drip drip drip between your legs.

Namjoon’s hands are like embers as he traces your skin. Up your legs, hips, stomach, fingers tracing under the swells of your breasts. His fingers stroke upward, dizzying touch circling your nipples gently. It hurts. The ache for him is deep, your mouth falling open to reveal your fangs as you hiss.

His mouth twitches as he lowers himself down. The anticipation makes you suck in a sharp breath, holding it trapped until it comes out in a long, wined whine as Namjoon’s tongue flicks at your hardened nipple.

Immediately your hands shoot up to his arms. He doesn’t mind, letting you dig your nails into his shirt as he sucks generously at your tit, sending you wild. The sensation is overpowering. You feel a ringing in your ears as you press your chest up into his mouth.

More more more more.

You don’t realize you’re babbling, saying the words out loud until he’s laughing, dark voice vibrating through your skin as he kisses his way to your other nipple.

“More?” he asks. “You know how to ask.”

“Please,” you gasp, feeling the tip of his tongue apply the barest pressure imaginable. “Please, it hurts.”

Namjoon’s fangs scrape sensitive flesh. It makes you sing, squeezing your eyes shut as you pant through what is barely the beginning of intimacy. You’re already woozy and preening and light-headed and he knows it. Maybe takes a little pity on you.

Normally, Namjoon likes to take his time. Now, he moves with more urgency. He dives in for your neck, plying your skin with wet, generous kisses as he does. You bare your neck for him, pliant and obedient, knowing that your artery is there for the taking if he wants to.

Blood sharing is intimate between vampires. Even sires rarely share blood with their fledglings the way Namjoon does. It’s only done between the most precious of partners, between two vampires ready to consume one another. To be one another.

Anything less would be an act of cruelty or desperation, and this is neither.

Namjoon doesn’t bite down, though. He slides his hand between your legs, fingers brushing against your sticky folds to relieve some of the tension. You whimper, nodding your head to unasked questions as his fingers lazily trace circles around your clit.

Pleasure ebbs and flows, your blood rushing. You can feel your heart thundering in your chest as he kisses his way up to your mouth, stealing your lips in a searing kiss. It’s all tongue and fangs, the wet slide of his lips against yours messy and carnal and hungry.

Your hips roll into his hand as Namjoon plays with your cunt properly. You’re relentless, rolling your hips into the palm of his hand, pressing your swollen clit against him for friction. It’s a messy slide but it feels so good, brows pinched, mouth open as you pant.

Namjoon sinks a finger into your throbbing entrance and you go mad. Your nails rake down his sleeves, tearing fabric as you go. Your legs shake, muscles squeezed tight as he fucks his fingers up into you, meeting your sloppy thrusts.

It’s feral and heated, driven purely by the inferno burning in your stomach. Namjoon catches your earlobe between his fangs, dragging the sharp points across soft flesh. You let out a loud, wanton sound, unable to control yourself.

Shaking. Sweaty. Deteriorating. This is what he does to you with just his hands. His fingers press into your cunt, hitting your spot each time. It feels like pandemonium, walls clenching down on his fingers as you start to come loose around him.

“Fuck you’re a mess,” he growls, nipping your jaw as you frantically chase an orgasm. The wet slap of his fingers is loud, backtracked by your shaky breathing. “Fucking my hand like a little whore.”

“Daddy,” you mumble, eyes rolled back. You know it’s depraved. You don’t care. You just want him. Anyway you can have him.

Namjoon knows. His mouth goes to your neck. Your breath hitches, waiting as the flat of his tongue laps against your pulse point. When he bites down, you unravel.

Pain and pleasure unfurl, white-hot. You gush around his fingers, body convulsing. The warmth at your neck sedates you momentarily, knocking you into a state of bliss. Your head spins and it feels like you’re everywhere and nowhere all at once, not even breathing.

Namjoon takes long draughts. You feel his tongue pressed against your punctured skin. Feel the hot, slow bead of blood dripping down your neck to your shoulder. Every nerve is on fire and alive.

“Want,” you gasp. Namjoon removes his mouth from your neck. You feel the blood running, sticky. “Want want want want want.”

Namjoon kisses you. He tastes like blood, tongues tangling. You suck his tongue into your mouth generously, making him moan deep in his throat. The sound of him drives you further. You surge upward, seeking and hungry, hands tearing. He snarls when you rip off the shirt but he has others. Nothing is more important than him - than this.

Warm skin meets your hands. Vampires recently fed aren’t cold at all, their skin burning with fresh blood and heat trapped between you. Your fingers explore the taught muscles of his chest, the dips in his biceps and shoulders. Namjoon is a work of art, towering over you as he sits up to kick off his pants, movements blinding.

Your hands don’t remain still, grabbing any part of him you can, mouth latching on. You suck at his wrist, forearm, bicep. Anything you can taste, your mouth is there, searching. You don’t bite, though. Not until he lets you. Not until you have his permission.

Namjoon ducks between your legs. You gasp, feeling his tongue eagerly sliding up your folds. Your hands shoot to his hair, locking in his silky strands as he drinks you down.

It's feverish. Your feet kick out as Namjoon ravishes you, tongue plunging into your cunt, mouth sucking greedily on your clit. The stimulation is maddening, sending you shrieking toward another high.

He doesn't stop, smacking his lips together, licking, gasping, pressing his face further and further until he's shoving you up the bed, tongue buried inside of you.

Namjoon sucks your clit into his mouth, tongue flicking over the swollen bud. You squeal and crash down, orgasm washing through you as you come into his mouth.

He devours, tongue lapping, mouth sucking. He leaves nothing spared, and when he finally pulls away, panting and shining with cum and blood, the bottom half of his face slick and eyes blown, you know that you'll never want someone else. Anything else.

The world spins when Namjoon lifts you. You blink and he’s under you, his thick cock leaking onto his stomach. Your mouth waters as he settles you in his lap, his back against the pillow. Namjoon looks like a dark god, his sweaty hair falling into his dark eyes, mouth kissed with crimson, tan skin glowing.

Your hands go to his face, cradling his jaw. For a second, your touch is soft. Nestled in his lap, you trace the outline of his jaw, brushing your fingers to wet lips. He is yours. You are his. In body, soul, and blood. His gaze softens, as though he sees this too.

“Mine,” you murmur, thumb pulling at his bottom lip. Your gaze meets his. “Right, Daddy?”

“Yours,” he agrees, lifting your hips with one hand and stroking his cock with the other. He settles you over the dark tip and you shiver, head tilting back. “And you are mine.”

In a single, fluid motion, Namjoon spears you on his shaft. You let out a shriek, pleasure bolting through you. You feel full, gasping as you’re fully seated in his lap. Namjoon doesn’t wait for you to adjust, pulling you in to lay against his chest as he plants his feet on the bed, fucking up into you.

You go mute. Your body slides against his, your chest pressed against his, your face buried in his neck. You can smell the blood there, and hear the beating pulse like a siren’s call. Drink drink drink.

You wait, completely distracted by the way Namjoon thrusts into you, jostling your frame into his. His arms are wrapped tight around your waist, your knees digging into the bed. He gives and you just take, eyes rolling back in your head, blood running down your neck, mouth slack.

Despite his ferocity, it’s intimate. You feel every breath Namjoon takes. Feel his thighs flex underneath you, feel the way your arousal slides down your legs onto his waist as he fucks you. It’s feral but it’s different, a tether of emotion that goes deeper than anything you could perceive as a human snapping between you.

Namjoon slides down the bed a little. Changes the angle so that he’s hitting you deeper, harder. You clench your teeth, barely hanging on to your sanity as you wait for him to give you permission to bite him. Your mouth salivates at the thought, his blood roaring in your ears.

You roll your hips into him. It’s a little disjointed but it works, sliding along his cock as he drives you closer and closer to the high roaring inside of you. It’s so close you can feel it burning, nova under your skin. Only Namjoon can do this to you, lighting you up until you’re burning so hot you can’t take it.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck. No thoughts trespass here. It is only the shivering pleasure as Namjoon relentlessly takes you, growing. You scoot your face toward his neck, nose pressed against hot skin. You’re trembling, completely at his fingertips.

Waiting. Waiting.

“Go ahead, baby,” he grunts, fingers digging into the globes of your ass. “You’ve been so good.”

“Thank you,” you whisper, voice barely audible even to your sensitive ears. “Thank you.”

Finally, you indulge. You open your mouth against Namjoon’s neck, soft and tentative. Your tongue sweeps across salted, hot skin. You whine, feeling his pulse beating under the tender skin. Your fangs scrape against him and he moans, arms tightening around you.

And then you bite down.

Namjoon moans. You lose yourself in the sweet taste immediately, like cherry wine rushing into your mouth. Rapture. You drink slowly. Soft. Gulping as your veins ignite. Every atom lights up along the way, until you’re a vibrating mass of energy.

It’s like threads of awareness connect you. You feel Namjoon’s burning desire, his hunger for you. The deep-rooted adoration and love for you, a river that runs down to his marrow. You bathe in it, letting the connection wash over you.

Blood sharing gives you glimpses to Namjoon that you normally don’t see. Flashes of the way he sees you, his heart fluttering. Snatches of seeing something at a store that reminds him of you. The way you taste to him, the way he wants to hold you and never let go.

It’s so much.

You don’t take much. You know your limit, and as your thoughts start to black out, you remove your mouth, gasping. Your head falls to Namjoon’s shoulders, eyelids fluttering. Your stomach coils on the edge of another orgasm so strong that you just let it happen. Let it slam into you, a rogue wave.

The world blinks out of existence. There’s just the smell of Namjoon. The ghost of his mouth on your temple, and the softest feeling of floating. This is what you crave. The feeling of lightness with the accompanying touch of Namjoon. Because even in this space alone, there is a thread back down to him, a beacon to pull you back.

Slowly, you come back to him. You feel his heart beating against yours. You move your head, nuzzling into him. You feel flaky, dried blood but you don’t care, nuzzling into him. Your Namjoon. His arms are steady around you like a cocoon.

You have never been safer. More loved.

“Thank you,” you whisper, voice raspy.

“Always.”

You settle in comfortable silence, wrapped up in one another. Nothing will ever beat this. A thousand lifetimes with Namjoon is all you ever need to do this as many times as you want.

“You okay?” you nod against him. Your fingers slide up his neck and face to card through his hair, playing with the strands. Your eyes are still closed, enjoying the sound of his heartbeat. “Good.”

“A little needy.”

“You? Needy? Unheard of.” he teases.

You grin. The carnal desire from earlier washes away, fed. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s really hot.” You hum, continuing to play with his hair but saying nothing. “I’m kind of like your fang daddy, huh?”

Your hand pauses and you crack an eye open. Namjoon is grinning up at the ceiling, eyes turned to crescent moons as he tries not to laugh at his joke. Gone is the dark, powerful vampire, replaced by the sweet, boyish man that you love just as much.

“Namjoon,” you chastise, tugging his hair a little.

He giggles. “How about fang father?”

You sigh. “Whatever you want. Anything you want.”

He kisses your temple and lets you fall asleep.

#namjoon smut #kim namjoon smut #namjoon fic #kim namjoon fic #bts smut #bts fic #namjoon fanfic #bts fanfic #namjoon x you #namjoon x reader #minors do not interact #mindors dni #haliweeen #vampire namjoon

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fandom-junk-drawer · 8 months

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The Witcher Headcanon (Modern AU) - Sibling Vibes

Yennefer and Jaskier's early relationship worried Geralt at first. It had caused a certain level of tension that kept Geralt on edge, making him feel like something was coming. Something he would not at all be happy about. He was convinced that Jaskier, at some point, would make a move and try to f**k Yennefer. He had a certain reputation, after all. Geralt was left in a perpetual state of uncertainty.

Geralt knew that Jaskier had considered the idea when he first met her, but at the time he was mildly terrified of her so he elected to behave himself. He was very good at reading people, and it was obvious at the time that Yennefer was not going to put up with his nonsense.

But years later, well after they had figured each other out, he'd never tried to make a move on her. There was nothing but chaste forehead and cheek kisses, hugs, and cuddles, and Jaskier never put his hands on Yennefer in any kind of inappropriate way.

Geralt had been suspicious for a long time, watching Jaskier closely. He was uncomfortable with the way Jaskier seemed so casual about making jokes and calling Yen his 'wife'. He knew Jaskier knew that Yennefer was taken, but that had never stopped Jaskier before. Geralt had heard many of Jaskier's stories about past lovers. Many of them involved individuals in commited relationships.

Geralt wondered how he was still walking this mortal plane.

But Yennefer was different. Jaskier told Geralt one evening, as they sat drinking in Van Roach, that Yennefer was...just special. He loved her in a way that he had never loved a woman before. She made him feel seen, and like he was just an average, irritating brother. She didn't give two sh*ts that he was a Viscount, or a famous bard.

He couldn't really explain the feeling. It was complicated. He knew, without her even telling him, that even though she constantly reminded him of how much she abhorred him and wanted to vomit at the sight of him, that she didn't mean any of it, and that she would go to war for him. She would burn the world to the ground if anyone hurt him. Or if he asked it of her.

"She would b*tch about me the whole time, but she would do it without hesitation, and give no quarter. It's actually mildly unsettling, now that I think about it."

"I know it sounds stupid...but she's...she's the b*tchy, edgy, slightly unhinged-- probably demon possesed -- sister that I didn't know I was missing in my life. The thought of touching her like that... I could never! It feels wrong, and it makes me feel sick to my stomach."

"Geralt, you know how I am. A week or two and I would be chasing someone else's a**. I don't want that for her. I won't do that to her. I won't f**k either of you like that."

"What do you mean how would I-!" *offended gasp* "How dare you! I'm trying to have a heartfelt conversation with you, and you are making jokes!"

Yennefer had summed her thoughts up less poetically, and much more consicely.

"He's a f***ing aggravating, derpy a**, sing-songy manwh*re, who is so f***ing stupid I don't know how he's survived this long. But he's so babygirl I can't help but like him!"

"Oh please! He's not my type."

*eyeroll* "Big, beefy, oblivious, white-haired himbos with better tits than me and dummy thicc a**es."

"You f***ing heard me."

Geralt had been left feeling kind of silly for not trusting his own family. Every day that passed from then on was just more proof that what they had said was true.

Geralt realized that was what was special about Jaskier. Sure, he was a genious when it came to his craft, but he was also gifted at reading people and he naturally interacted with them in the way that balanced them; gave them what their heart needed the most.

Geralt thought about his own interactions with Jaskier. He knew he tended to brood, and be too serious. He kept things to himself and self-isolated. Jaskier balanced him out by bringing the humor, playfulness, and extroversion Geralt needed.

He could see that Jaskier was meeting a need in Yennefer that she probably didn't know she was ignoring. Something her heart needed. He was allowing her to have a little of the life she could have had if she had not been sold to Aretuza. She was experiencing life with a sibling.

There was a certain level of bellicosity to their interactions. It appeared as if they lived for confrontation, craved it, bickering just like siblings would. Neither of them could let an opportunity to make a comment go to waste. Geralt secretly kept a score card on who came up with the best insults. Jaskier was winning so far, but only because he was a bard, and words were his business.

There were pranks, and made up games, and hundreds of little things they did to each other to pester, annoy, and irritate. Most of them, if not all of them, were f***ing childish, which somehow made it even more amusing.

Their pranks on each other were just as childish and sometime impressively creative/sneaky. They were mostly harmless and didn't make too much of a mess, and the way they would scream when they got pranked was somehow satisfying.

Names were often called, but in an affectionate way. It was all in the tone of voice. There was a difference, Yennefer insisted, between "b**tard", and "b**stard" (affectionate), even though it sounded the exact same to Geralt.

And there were the times when they were so soft with each other. Just little quiet moments where they stopped pretending to hate each other and would be disgustingly cute or playful. They really were like a brother and sister.

The only thing that gave Geralt a headache about their relationship was how it could just randomly change. One moment they were close, loving siblings, then they were being brats to each other, taking immense joy in f***ing with each other, then they were threatening to disown each other, then Yennefer was jumping Geralt's a** for something he said to Jaskier, or both of them had ganged up on him and were being petty little a**holes becuase Geralt had p*ssed one of them off.

It was exhausting, and that was why Geralt called them the Chaotic Siblings. It was as if everyday they woke up and chose violence. But Geralt couldn't complaint too much. It was free entertainment after all!

#the witcher #the witcher headcanon #the witcher modern au #the witcher netflix #twn #geralt #geralt of rivia #yennefer #yennefer of vengerberg #jaskier #julian alfred pankraz #geraskier #geraskefer #geraskifer #yenskier #yennskier #yenneskier #yennaskier #sibling vibes headcanon

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icey--stars · 11 months

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Born For Tragedy: Part 9

Series Index

She was tragedy. Nothing except death, fear and pain followed in her wake. When she was young, she was beaten. Now she’s the one doing the beating as an assassin. A mysterious stranger comes to her, paying an absurd amount of money for her to kill Beron Vanserra, and protect the eldest son until the job is done. She stumbles across a story much similar to her own, and knows what must be done.

a/n: alright, lets review cus its been a bit rq: eris and val have decided they will attempt to kill beron at the calanmai ball- three days after calanmai. valda plans to pose as a nobility for the ball. (and lady merle, eris's mother, will be making the dress :D) also val is eris's "personal servant" now lmao

WARNING: some light mentions of sexual preferences. also, eris is a bit affected by calanmai, and his advances are unwelcome. he snaps out of it quickly though :)

↢ 『 ☾ 』 ↣

Luckily, the servants in the Forest House do get Calanmai as a holiday, so Valda was free to wander the cleared out areas for the bonfires and celebration. The celebration in the Spring Court had been massive, and everybody everywhere went to celebrate. Around the manor, it was the biggest, as the Great Rite occurred there. She wondered how Beron does the Great Rite. Gods, it seemed wrong to think about that.

In the morning of Fire Night, Valda made sure she was strapped with daggers galore. Her identity would be hidden well amongst the crowd, so she could slip more weapons in. Especially since she didn’t plan on participating in the more sexual parts of Calanmai. She’d participated once, with some black haired male that’d been visiting from the Winter Court. It wasn’t a bad experience, per se, but it wasn’t that good either. She preferred choosing her partners, and taking the lead with them, both of which she couldn’t do on Fire Night.

“You don’t seem too ecstatic about this holiday,” Eris noted, walking up behind her. Valda turned mildly to see Eris dressed nicer than usual. A white dress shirt paired with a deep, blood red vest and black slacks. She had to admit he did look quite good. She was just dressed in a black turtleneck, black leathers and a knee-length skirt to hide her weapons.

“I spent forty-nine years in the place where this holiday was at its height,” Valda answered. “The Spring Court makes this much too big a deal.”

“Not traveling anywhere interesting?”

“No reason,” she responded. “Where would I go?”

“Fair,” Eris hummed.

“Where is the Great Rite held here?” She asked curiously. “I have yet to see a big cave.”

“Ah,” Eris said. “Seeing as the Maiden has been chosen the same for quite a long time, they do a chase instead of choosing at a cave’s entrance.”

That did make sense, but Valda felt a bit bad for Lady Merle. She was truly at the whims of her husband.

“I suppose you’ll have to complete the Great Rite the old fashioned way when you’re High Lord,” Valda chuckled. “Oh what fun. Perhaps I’ll visit to see the chaos. And you unhinged.”

“I will not be unh-”

“Tell that to the magic the High Lord faces. It’s nothing compared to the magic in the air normally,” Valda snickered.

Eris sighed in defeat. “Are you participating?” He finally asked, changing the topic after a moment of silence.

“No,” Valda stated. “I’ll watch.”

“Oh really? To think I would’ve guessed Prythian’s best assassin would’ve loved these types of parties,” Eris teased.

“Shut your trap,” she scolded lightly at his careless mention of her title. “I used to like them, now they just give me off feelings,” she admitted.

Eris rolled his eyes. “My mother agreed to find a dress,” he admitted. “She’s very interested in who I’ve deigned to invite personally.”

Valda scoffed. “I’ll just morph my features a bit with some makeup and it’ll be a flawless show.”

A little flare of fire went up in the air, cutting Eris off. He grumbled. “That’s Hue telling me it's time to light the fires.”

Valda rolled her eyes. “Do enjoy your night, general.”

“You too assassin,” Eris winnowed away and Valda elected to slump against an oak tree to watch the bonfires be lit.

The sky began to darken and almost too soon, it was time for the Great Rite to begin. Valda watched the intermingling of fae from atop her little hill. She was able to easily catch sight of Beron and Lady Merle. The latter was dressed in almost nothing amongst the fire light. The “hunt” or “chase” as Eris called it, began. Beron was freed from whatever daze he’d been in when Merle began to sprint away.

That’s when the true celebration began as music lifted higher and higher than before, and fae began dancing, or some ran off into the woods for a bit of fun. One couple came a bit too close to Valda, so she wrapped her darkness around herself and winnowed a little ways down the hill. The wind shifted and she huffed as she lost the scents of the celebration and instead gained the oak, dogwood smells that she normally smelled out here.

There was a shift in the magic filling the air and everyone paused for a moment and accepted what that meant. The Maiden had been caught and spring had arrived. Valda snickered as she saw Jax struggling to manage three females vying for his attention. Ah, but Eris was probably worse, she guessed. She stood up a bit taller to try and spot the Autumn Heir.

“There you are,” a voice said from behind her. "I've been looking for you."

She tensed and whirled around, dagger already drawn from her thigh as she faced whoever had snuck up on her.

She did not expect a particular red-haired fae to be standing there, looking a bit more unkempt than usual.

Eris stalked forward, pupils blown wider than usual. Valda tsked and narrowed her eyes.

“Eris, I do believe you should be down there with the other celebrators.”

“I should be here with you,” he hissed. Valda knew that males, especially powerful ones, could be affected by the magic that filled the air on Fire Night, but she never imagined Eris Vanserra to be here, stalking towards her.

Valda took a step back when he got too close and he didn’t hesitate to take another two towards her. His eyes were fixed lower than her face and she knew exactly what the male was staring at on her chest.

“Get your head out of your ass,” she snapped, still holding her dagger in one hand.

“Oh but darling, I could make you feel so good-”

Valda’s breath hitched as Eris finally stepped into her space and placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Eris, take a step back,” she ordered clearly. “Or I’ll take off your hand.”

“What could a precious little fox like you do to me? I’ll take good care of you sweetheart.” Eris’s hand tightened on her shoulder and she wrenched it away from him.

Precious little fox?! She thought, appalled. Did Eris have alcohol? This could not just be the magic speaking. He didn’t say things like this.

“I’ll coax you into it…” Eris purred. “I’ll protect you sweet thing.”

Valda slapped his hand away with her free hand and bared her teeth. “Back off,” she commanded.

Eris took another step and Valda promptly held up her dagger at his throat. “I said no,” she growled. “Back off.”

Eris’s blown pupils stared at hers for a few moments before she pressed the blade a bit closer, taking a step to the side. “Snap out of it,” she snapped. “You are Eris Vanserra, the general and heir of the Autumn Court and you’re acting like a fool!” He reached his head forward as if he was going to kiss her.

She raised her other hand again and slapped him across his face hard. His head snapped to the side and Valda pushed forward again, forcing him back towards a tree trunk. How was she going to get this idiot out of this state or at least away from her?

Eris’s breathing was ragged and then a hand pushed the blade away from his throat and he looked at her. His pupils looked to be a normal size now, but he still looked incredibly, incredibly dazed. His knees were weak when Valda took a hesitant step back and he only just barely managed to catch himself.

“Have you snapped out of it, asshole?” Valda asked, threatening raising her palm again, prepared to slap him.

Eris raised a palm as a shield and curled his other hand over his mouth and chin. “Fuck,” he muttered.

Valda relaxed at that. It looked as if he’d come back to himself. “How much have you had to drink?” She asked. “That was incredibly odd.”

“It was,” he agreed raggedly, and stood up straight, not leaning against the tree trunk. “I apologize for that. That was… horrible of me.”

Well, at least he was sensible now. She sighed, and slid her dagger back into her sheath. “Does the magic normally affect you like that?”

“No,” he replied. “Not normally. I only had a bit of alcohol. Almost nothing.”

Valda nodded and hummed. “Perhaps you need to head back to the house to rest, Eris.”

His breathing hitched when she uttered his name and she narrowed her eyes. What an odd reaction. He finally looked up to meet her eyes properly. He looked, honest to the Cauldron—awful. The hand he’d raised as a shield went to rake through his auburn locks and the other unbuttoned the first button of his vest and shirt.

She heard the crunching of leaves behind her. Valda’s nostrils flared as she sent her darkness up as a shield.

It smelled intensely of arousal, so she assumed it was just a couple passing through. Eris, however, still refused to breathe properly, even as she softened the darkness around them. It floated slower and more… pillowy than before.

Eris wiped his eyes with his forefinger and thumb and then seemed to make some type of final decision as he leaned against the trunk again, but with more ease in his stature.

“Your darkness is different,” he said aloud, probably trying to shift the conversation away from him toward something else.

She sighed through her nose. “There are different types of darkness, Eris.”

“Tell me about it,” he urged.

She searched his amber eyes for a moment before finally deciding to just let the event in passing go. “It’s hard to describe,” she began. “There is darkness like the type I tend to use, the more rageful and terrifying darkness I can wield with an iron fist, and then there are the types that are softer and calmer. This is one of those types.”

He nodded briefly as acknowledgement. “I should go,” he coughed out.

She hummed. “Don’t make me put a knife to your neck again,” she stated. A warning, a threat, that should he decide to try and push his luck again, she wouldn’t be so merciful.

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” he purred and winnowed out. She huffed and pulled her darkness inside again, and shook the electrical tingle she felt going through her. It was odd to feel such a thing. That tingle centered around the points that Eris had touched her, most notably her shoulder. That tickling in her chest made a reappearance. She knew that magic didn’t fully create feelings of wanting, it only heightened them exponentially.

Which meant some very serious things. First, Eris clearly had something for her, which she wasn’t completely unaware of. She was well aware that she had some features that were desirable. He had many as well, and she knew it.

Second, it meant that Eris cared about her. “I’ll protect you sweet thing.” She didn’t know how to feel about that. She might’ve given Eris the clear indication that those sorts of things were prohibited, but in all honesty, she’d never had someone offer to protect her. The tingling on her shoulder increased tenfold when she considered the implications of that. He’d tried to kiss her; what the hell did that mean?

She shook her head and swore loudly. No, she needed these thoughts out of her headspace. She had someone very important to kill soon, and she needed her head about her for it. She did not need to get distracted by all the clear evidence that said that Eris cared for her. She needed it out.

Valda huffed as she entered the Forest House again, sitting on that bed and swiftly putting her daggers in their designated places.

One thought kept her awake for the entire night though.

Eris cared for, and she couldn’t help but care for him in the same way.

Whether that be just caring to kill off his demons and take the heat for it, or much, much more. Eris was a desirable male.

But she was an assassin. A killer for hire. She did not deserve to even consider the implications of liking Eris, or even the aspect of considering him a potential lover. She’d failed to protect her previous lover, and she did not deserve a second chance from anyone. Her failure rested squarely on her shoulders, and she knew that. She had to pay for it everyday. She deserved to love nobody.

Not even that somebody was an attractive heir of the Autumn Court and soon-to-be High Lord.

She grit her teeth at that thought. He was going to be a High Lord. He might pretend to want her around, but he could not be interacting with assassin rubbish like her for long. He’d get his wits about him soon enough. She just had to make sure that during the Calanmai ball, she had her head screwed on tightly, and was able to bolt and never give him the chance to try and keep her around.Yes, that would work, she decided in the early light of morning.

↢ 『 ☾ 』 ↣

TAGLIST (see post for getting added)

@bunnymallowo, @officiallyunofficialperson, @margssstuff, @rebloggiest-reblogger, @inpraizeof, @graciereads, @eos-princess, @imma-too-many-fandoms, @mali22, @sassybluebird, @bubybubsters,

THE URGE WAS TOO GREAT NOT TO ADD THE RHYS QUOTE IM SORRY LMAO

#eris x oc #eris vanserra #eris acotar #acotar #acotar fanfiction #acotar fanfic #original character #oc #mywriting

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latenightsuburbansprinklersystem · 3 months

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preemptively sorry for being publicly insane for a second but bpd mood swings are actually ruining my life and I feel so. so deeply unstable 84% of the time. intensely extra frustrating because I was just. normal when I was single and/or in a really bad abusive situation that didn't afford me the space to be this variety of insane which lulled me into a false sense of security and made me genuinely believe I was just fine now because I'm an idiot. saving graces here are that A. this is the most communicative relationship I've ever had in my life and they know all the fine details about how bpd in general and my brain specifically work including the things I really really really didn't want to tell them and they handle themself amazingly whenever I get weird and B. I'm way more in control of my emotions than I was as a teenager so when I start splitting it outwardly manifests as like quiet withdrawn despondency rather than unhinged outbursts. which is good? i guess? that said I really don't think them having to deal with me being quiet and withdrawn and fucking weird at least one day a week is really that much less psychologically damaging than if I were outwardly losing my shit and it's making me so fucking frustrated and sad and afraid and theyre the sweetest most loving person ive ever met and the thought of making them feel even mildly bad for a second makes me want to gun kill bone knife rend cut stab flay etc. start therapy at the end of the month and see a psyche for brain medicine a few weeks after but there's a 98% chance I start shooting people in the street between then and now

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weebsinstash · 5 months

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Wow the "conclusion" to this is wild. Lmao @ her saying that she'll look at your blog in the future to feel better about herself. Hobbyless behavior. Sorry you got all of that shit for months, it's just so fucking bizarre. I really love your writing and your blog and I hope despite all of that shit that you're having a good day 💕

I'm just like. Kind of sitting here wondering what the point even was.

Like literally at the core of this argument was i posted about a family event and a complete stranger got so extremely upset that they. Literally started a fight on anon, and then after I told them to get fucked, then proceeded to pretend to be an underage rape survivor and said I made them attempt suicide, and then messaged TONS of people saying "weebsinstash is a rape apologist who bullied cjfjfj" and it was literally all a fucking lie. They want to say they bullied me for entertainment but what was rhe point of like. Harassing dozens of other people who weren't even involved. That's obviously not when anything to do with me. That's acting like a freak because you think it's Cute And Quirky

Like. I cannot emphasize enough that the hypothetical child who harmed themselves was the literal only single aspect of this entire thing that could even mildly make me feel bad and this actually stupid fucking cunt gave themselves up, "oh by the way that person was never real" like, damn if you were an actual good troll you never would've revealed that, so you can't even be a little basement dweller correctly

Imagine being like "yeah you know the literal only thing about this that might actually cause you some sort of guilt and was the crux of my whole crusade against you lol yeah it was just a lie and the friends who apologized on my behalf were also me and the people who were nice to you were also me" like wow you were OBSESSED OBSESSED

But there's also so many more layers to that? They made blogs and maintained them to talk to me pretending to be people who were also harassed. They literally gave me emotional support as a "gotcha"? Like how is that a gag. Do you not realize repeatedly popping out of the woodwork saying "hey every mean thing that was said to you over xyz amount of months was me all along" has literally just trained me to automatically blame you for any bad feedback and thus you have granted me the ability to be insulted and not care. Like literally any time I get an ask about anything and it's rude I just assume it's this one single person now. And I don't get hate mail so it was always kind of obvious anyways. But like they literallt actually gave me a gift because I won't really ever believe anything nasty I get ever again :)

But like. The sheer. Actual literal disconnect from reality for this person to fully say with their whole chest, "ha ha yeah I really showed YOU and made YOU look stupid, the way I pretended to be a child, lied about rape, publicly harassed complete strangers, tried to doxx you, made a fake dating profile for you, uploaded your photos in multiple places, sent you stuff on anon to take credit for it later, and maintained disguises for most of a year, haha wow don't YOU look dumb!"

Bro after like one month of this shit I literally just started thinking, "oh it's that one moron again" and nothing was ever hurtful ever again. You have to realize there's a point where someone has made themselves look so stupid and unlikeable you don't care what they think so it's sort of like. Oh woo hoo you called me ugly and fat, got any new material? Like I don't even have to think "oh gosh I'm so ugly and gross and I feel bad cause they said that" I just think "oh wow potshots at my appearance, yeah that's what I would expect someone of your intelligence to say"

I just. Can I just be blunt and say this wasn't even good trolling. It was annoying but they were so blatantly bad at it literally everyone just looked at the kind of shit they posted and immediately called them unhinged. There wasn't a coherent enough effort here to ever actually do any real damage, not to my personal life or my social reputation. I'm literally coming out of this just as clean as I went in. Like shit you really could have tried to dig in on that "look what she said to this poor widdle baby" angle but you just went full retard sending me literal actual paragraphs saying the most basic of insults. Yeah wow there was really ever a chance people were going to seriously believe you, sure

It's just kinda. Yeah. I know I already said this but I can't get over, my end of this is opening my inbox and deleting shit and nothing more, i may answer stuff and discuss it but nothing is happening to me and im not "doing anything back". Meanwhile they were literally making blogs, maintaining covers, trying to stalk me, stalking my mutuals, found pictures of my family, were sending pictures of my family to other people.... but claim THEY made ME look stupid, that I'M entertaining for THEM. OK. I guess that's the level of genuine delusion you have to operate on to even start this shit to begin with

But uh yeah to finish your point I actually had a great day at work and got a good raise recently so I'm doing OK :) I've been uh, you know, working on drafts and maybe someday one of them will see the light haha. If I ever need a pick me up I can always tell myself, "at least I never did anything as stupid as THIS"

#like what were you even trying to do. it wasnt even annoying aftwr a while it was very easily dealt with #sorry this keeps coming back guys i just. i had to share them saying everything was a lie holy shit like everythijg everything #doxxingdrama

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the-lonelybarricade · 2 years

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They Are the Hunters, We Are the Foxes

Part II: Sunshine Steals From Autumn Frost

Elucien Week Day 2: Nature, @elucienweek2022

Summary: Nesta had been very firm in her instruction not to stray from the path. The path was safe—sprinkled with iron dust every morning by the mercenaries who protected their villages. But Elain had spied the blackberries, plump and ripe for the taking, if only because no sensible human would have dared. Ordinarily, Elain wouldn’t have. Too terrified of the fae and what she heard they did to young, pretty human girls like herself. But today, Elain was to be married. Even facing the woods was less daunting than that.

CW: Little red riding hood AU. Dubious morality, mildly dubious consent, forced marriages, smut, and gratuitious use of the word "wife". Unhinged from start to finish.

Read on AO3・Elucien Week Masterlist・Series Masterlist

Previous Chapter・Next Chapter

Elain was greeted the next morning to the creaking wheels of a carriage ambling gracelessly up the flagstone step to their manor. Curiosity getting the better of her, she drew close enough to the window so that she could peer out without being seen. To her surprise, it was Lucien who stepped out of the ornate side door. She watched as he glided over to pat the horses, chatting amicably to the footman she did not recognize.

It was fascinating to watch him like this, interacting so pleasantly with someone beneath his station, hands tender as they stroked absently across the gleaming dark bay coat. There was a gentleness to him that did not seem contrived—it caused her to wonder how the rumors had come to paint him so viciously.

Elain cracked her window open, cheeks flushing as she called, “Lucien?”

His braid became a red streak of copper as it whipped from the sharp turn of his head. Immediately she had his full attention, the footman and the horse and the carriage entirely forgotten. Full lips stretched into a smile, shining brighter than the sun that washed affectionately across his skin, illuminating every perfectly placed freckle. “Elain,” he greeted, sounding nearly giddy. “Is there something you need?”

She glanced at the armory full of dresses she couldn’t hope to lace by herself. If there wasn’t a footman at their door, she might have slid into one of the tea gowns. But the arrival of the carriage made her suspect today was an occasion to be properly dressed. “Will you come assist me?”

Lucien needed to hear nothing more before he disappeared from sight. Despite how she had fallen into this arrangement, Elain privately found it endearing that her husband was so eager to help. Within moments, he was knocking at her door, russet and gold eyes widening at the sight of his wife in her shift.

As though he’d never seen another woman in his life.

“Going somewhere?” Elain murmured, forcing an ease she did not feel as she stepped towards her wardrobe to select one of the many dresses.

Though her back was turned, she could feel the way he fell into her orbit. His eyes like a physical touch against her skin, trailing over exposed neck and shoulders and legs until she needed to suppress the urge to shiver.

“To Velaris,” he answered, surprising her enough that Elain turned.

What a mistake that was—to see how close he had drifted, sunlight melting the colors in his eyes. They were a shade so warm she could have been lounging beneath a cloudless sky, for the way her body heated.

“Velaris?” Elain asked, trying to remember all she had been told about the capital. It was a two days ride, for one. It was an effort to hide her disappointment at the thought that one day married, and already her husband would be disappearing and leaving her in the empty estate on her own. “What’s in Velaris?”

Lucien caught at a lock of her hair, thumbing the curls with an admiration that made her feel breathless. “The finest staff I could hope to have my wife interview. Seamstresses who could fashion you dresses of the highest end. A friend that I’d very much like you to meet.”

“I’m coming with?” She studied his face, plain with an affection she could not possibly understand. They were strangers in every possible sense, though her body did not seem to understand such a thing. Perhaps that was why she reached forward to press her palm against his unblemished cheek, his skin soothingly warm like all the rest of him.

“I do not wish to go anywhere without you, if I can help it,”

The declaration stunned her. Enough that she dropped her hand and promptly turned back to the wardrobe, busying herself with finding a dress appropriate for a day’s carriage ride. She suspected they would stop at an inn along the way. The thought excited her. She’d never been anywhere so far from the village as Lucien’s estate. And now… she would see a city.

She reached for a dress of swaying lilac, not turning to face Lucien as she stepped into it and swept her hair over her shoulder. Forgoing a corset and petticoat was perhaps untoward as a Lady and yet Elain could think of nothing worse than sitting in the carriage for hours with the fabric constricting her air flow. Lucien likely wouldn’t know how to lace one, besides.

If it bothered her husband, he said nothing as he obediently ducked his head and began tightening the lace at her back. He was so close she could feel each careful breath against her exposed neck—fanning so torturously against her skin she wondered if he was doing it deliberately.

“When do we leave?” She asked, if only to have something to focus on beside those mind-numbingly gentle fingers.

“The second I have our things packed,” he said, sounding breathless.

“Allow me to help?”

“I wouldn’t dare.” And truly, he sounded offended that she’d even offered. “There is breakfast waiting for you on the dining table. Pick out the dresses you’d like to take with you and then go eat.”

The way his hand wavered on the narrow curve of her waist made his words feel heavier. It was a reminder of the poverty she came from, regardless of the fine dress she wore. Was this the product of genuine husbandly concern, she wondered? Or an effort to fill out her hollowed cheeks so that she might look even lovelier on his arm. Like an accessory bought at the village marketplace.

If she turned around she knew she would find her answer. And perhaps it was easier to continue to paint him a horrible man than to try to wrap her head around the fact that he’d been nothing but kind to her. Or worse, to see the affection on his face and feel confusingly endeared to it.So she avoided looking at him altogether as she shrugged on her cape and picked some dresses out from the wardrobe to lay across the bed.

It did not take long for Elain to eat the generous plate of cold meat, bread, and cheese while Lucien loaded trunks of their things into the carriage. Before the sun had crested in the sky, Elain was sat on a plush bench across from Lucien as the carriage rattled off towards the great towering walls of the estate. She glanced out the carriage window as they passed through the impenetrable barrier, head swimming with so many questions yet not brave enough to voice a single one.

“Tell me something about yourself, Lord,” she said, unsurprised to turn her head and find that he had been studying her in that studious way of his. When his eyes darkened, she immediately corrected, “Lucien.”

He seemed to think for a long moment about what to reveal to her. The carriage lurched as it shifted from the raised flagstone steps of the estate to the rough dirt road she had walked the day prior. Fixing his eyes on the changing leaves of the forest, he said, “I prefer being outside. Being in that manor for too long…” he frowned, and she had the sense he was choosing his words very carefully. “It makes me feel restless.”

Elain mulled over this kernel of information, wondering what exactly a Lord’s son got up to outside. Besides hunting. She could only imagine what it must have been like to grow up with all that sprawling land, protected by tall iron gates so that his play was never diluted from fear of the unknown.

Elain and her sisters used to do their fair share of running barefoot through the mossy forest floor. Feyre, braid stretching towards the muddied earth as she hung from a tree branch, cackling as she brandished her wooden stick like she were a warrior who had just discovered the most strategic battle position. Nesta, eyes sharp and discerning as she watched her sisters like she were above it all. Really, Elain knew she was too busy listening for every sound, each crack of wood and rustle of leaves. The woods were dangerous, even so close to their village that they could still see the rotting thatch of their cottage. But how else were poor, starving children meant to occupy themselves?

“I understand what you mean,” she offered, feeling oddly struck by sentiment for her childhood years despite the grey that painted them. “I feel nowhere as peaceful as I do in a garden.”

The way the sun fell across his face as he turned his head illuminated a panel of sharp cheekbones. They bunched into perfect apples when he smiled. “For all the time I spend outside, I admit the art of gardening has escaped me. Perhaps you can teach me when we return, wife?”

“Teach you… to garden?” She asked, having never encountered a man who would even feign interest in such a feminine hobby.

“If you would oblige me,” he said, with an earnesty burning in his eyes that unnerved Elain. She could imagine him, crouching beside her in the dirt, unabashed and gentle as he tucked seedlings into the ground.

Suddenly the carriage felt too warm.

Lucien straightened, chest rising beneath his gold embroidered jacket as he took a deep breath. She swore the corner of his lip tilted into a smirk. “Would you like that, lady?”

The satisfaction in his tone surprised her. She searched his face for the source of it, wondering if she had missed some hidden joke. His eyes had darkened, fixed on hers with an intensity that bordered on hunger. Suddenly her mouth felt dry, her tongue sticking to the roof of her mouth as she answered, “Yes, Lord. I would like that very much.”

In such close quarters, she hadn’t decided which would make him more bold—to speak his name or his title. She had her answer as Lucien leaned forward, eyes flashing.

“Tell me, Elain,” he breathed, close enough she could taste each word. “How should I teach my wife to properly address me?”

He wouldn’t hit for it, not when she’d seen how angry the thought made him yesterday.

“It is not my place,” she answered breathlessly, struggling to put air into her lungs. Maybe if she brought her face a little closer, she might borrow some from his lips.

“What’s not your place?” He asked. A challenge. In his words, but also in the way his mouth curled.

Elain licked her lips, desperate to fight moisture back into her mouth. Lucien tracked the movement with predatory precision.

“To tell a man how to discipline his wife,” she said innocently, knowing her eyes were big and wide as she flicked them up to meet his through her lashes.

Why did it thrill her, the way he seemed to consider her words. Wondered if they weren’t an invitation.

Lucien clicked his tongue against his teeth. He caught her chin between two long fingers, firm as he turned her head so that his lips could find her ear.

“I won’t discipline you, wife. Not unless you ask me to.” His voice was low and sweet, like dripping honey. “And yet I’ve asked so little of you but this—it makes me wonder if you’re hoping to be punished.”

She straightened at the thought—uncertainty piercing through the thrall of his proximity. Would he truly punish her, or was this part of the game? She had seen some of the way men punished their wives in the village.

Lucien used his freehand to stroke warm fingers through her sun-drenched curls. Intending to soothe, to lull, as he pressed a small kiss to the skin behind her ear.

“Not unless you ask,” he reminded her. “Not a finger on you, unless you ask.”

If Elain was feeling especially contrary, she might have pointed out that he had several fingers on her she didn’t ask for. Instead she channeled that energy into the haughtiness that laced her voice as she asked, “Then how might you teach me, Lord?”

Pressed against him the way she was, Elain could feel the way his chest vibrated before she heard the hum that escaped his lips.

Elain had never crossed fake swords with Feyre when they clambered through the forest, nor had she stood beside Nesta listening for every sign of danger. She had always been far too distracted by the cushion of moss at her feet and the pretty flowers that bloomed where they knew a human would never dare pluck them.

Her instincts had never been honed for danger. Perhaps that was why she did not recognize the sound for what it was—a warning.

Elain shrieked as she was suddenly hauled into Lucien’s lap by a strong arm around her waist, hoisting her across the carriage as though she weighed nothing at all. His forearm banded her tightly against his chest, holding her firm and flush regardless of how she squirmed against him.

“Lucien—”

“Yes, exactly,” he purred from where he’d buried his face in her hair. “See? You’re learning already.”

She could feel the hard planes of his body pressing into her, his warmth seeping through her dress and beneath her skin until red splotches swelled over her chest, her neck, her cheeks.

Warm lips brushed over her pulse, causing her breath to catch in her throat. “What are you doing?”

“You asked me how I’d teach you,” he murmured. Fingers skimmed down her side, tracing the shape of her hips. “Do you still want me to show you?”

Elain did not know where the surge of confidence came from, but she found herself arching her neck to give him better access. There was no shame to be had in this, she reminded herself. She was a married woman, and this was her husband. “Show me then, Lord.”

His responding chuckle tickled her neck, chased with a nip of his teeth. “My wife wants to play, does she?” The hand trailed lower, over the tops of her thighs until it stopped at her knees. There, he slowly pulled at the fabric of her dress, drawing his hand back until it was bunched at her hip. He held her so tightly that all Elain could do was watch as his broad hand began a slow descent along her thigh. The span of his fingers was so wide that it nearly covered the width of her leg entirely. And those were calluses that scraped over her smooth, delicate skin, dragging from the outside of her hip all the way to her bare knee.

“Breathing so heavily,” he noted from where his lips still taunted her neck. His fingers squeezed her knee, almost playful. “Are you nervous?”

Elain was breathing heavily, the air itself working against her as it rushed into her lungs. Every attempt at steadiness was thwarted by sharp teeth grazing her pulse, or the firm hand at her knee that began gently prying her legs apart.

It was why her voice shook as she asked, “Should I be?”

“I don’t believe in punishment.” Not an answer, Elain thought, before Lucien’s hand began skimming up her inner thigh and any coherency fizzled into dust. He paused midway through his ascent, thumb stroking over the plush skin in such large sweeps that it nearly found the seam of her legs. Teasing—he was teasing her.

With a soft laugh that she felt like warm silk pooling down her spine, Lucien skimmed his nose along her neck. He nuzzled so close that when he spoke, it was like his words imprinted directly into her skin. “I believe in rewarding good behavior. Have you been good, wife?”

Her lip caught between her teeth, wondering how far she should push him. “Yes, Lord.”

Again, she earned that slow clicking of tongue and teeth, pressed right against her fluttering pulse so that each one sunk low into her stomach.

“Naughty,” he chided. “And here I thought I spoke so plainly.”

He didn’t stop that deliberate stroking of her thigh, each time swiping closer and closer to the center of her parted legs. It was as though she were a clock, slowly being wound, growing tighter with every passive touch. Something inside her was beginning to throb with such severity that it made even her teeth ache. Lucien sensed it, likely in the way she began squirming in his lap.

“Do you need something, wife?”

Elain said nothing, refusing to give him the satisfaction. She felt him smile, devious as any man set on damnation, before something hot and wet slid across the column of her throat. His tongue. And Elain was so busy being appalled by the action—and the way it sent her heart racing—that she hardly noticed the hand that snuck up her thigh until it was stroking over her clothed center.

It was difficult to tell who was more surprised, between the air that rushed through Lucien’s teeth or the gasp that fled her own. Elain knew she was wet, could feel the way the cotton clung to her body as Lucien dragged a finger through the arousal that seeped through.

“It certainly seems like there’s something you want,” he said, voice little more than a rasp. The arm around her waist tightened, which was just as well because when Lucien’s thumb brushed over her clit, drawing slowly, lazy circles, Elain slumped into his hold.

“Right here?” He murmured, pressing harder. Elain bucked her hips, a soft moan escaping her throat. Lucien chuckled. “I think so.”

His hand retreated long enough to tug the soaked garment to her knees. Elain used the opportunity to turn her head, seeking Lucien’s lips as a distraction from her shaking legs.

Elain had always been boy-curious. Head addled with thoughts of romance, as a child she used to think that one day her true love would come to sweep her off her feet and save her from poverty. She’d believed a kiss of true love could truly defy any circumstance. It had been disappointing the first time she crashed her mouth to a boy’s and discovered it felt nothing at all like magic. Just two soft pieces of skin pushing against each other. No sparks, no fairy godmothers, no all-consuming true love. Just an awkward clash of tongues and a too-hot sharing of breath.

Now, she thought that she could have spared herself the disappointment if she had only skipped to kissing Lucien first. His lips were soft and warm against her own, greeting her as though she were being welcomed home. He tasted of sun bathed apples and crisp autumn air, and she would have opened her mouth to him for that alone. But it was the gasp as his fingers returned to her dripping center that truly parted her lips and allowed entry to his seeking tongue.

Mouth occupied, all he could do was grunt his encouragement as his fingers resumed teasing her. The stroke of his fingers was a thing of leisure, prodding curiously at her entrance but ignoring her arching hips.

He broke away, panting, to remind her, “All you need to do is ask.”

Elain chased him, eyes half-lidded. “Please,” she said, pressing her lips back to his so that the words were muffled. She didn’t care about the game anymore, she just wanted his taste to never leave her tongue. “Please.”

It seemed it was an effort for him too, by the way he eagerly returned each urgent kiss before he broke away. “Ask me properly, wife.”

She could have laughed, were it not so terrible a thing to be deprived of him. Like even air had become a secondary need.

“Lucien,” she whispered, fisting her hands into the smooth fabric of his jacket. “Lucien, please touch me. I cannot bare a second long—“

It was all she needed to say, and not a word more. Lucien’s mouth crashed back into her own with all the violence of two objects pulled into a gravity they couldn’t control. He plunged a finger into her and took advantage of her resounding moan to slide his tongue inside her mouth. Every inch of her body was consumed by him. Her husband. And Elain melted into it.

Lucien seemed practiced with the way he smoothly countered each of her clumsy kisses, all the while steadily moving his finger in and out. A clocksmith tightening her gears too far. Too tight. Especially as he added a second finger, his thumb sweeping up to rub circles against her clit. Elain whimpered into his mouth, lost in the building pressure as her existence narrowed to nothing but the feeling of his body against hers.

“That’s it,” Lucien panted, when their lungs demanded air once more. “You want to come, Elain? What do you say?”

The pleasure crested, and Elain was certain she would come whether he permitted it or not. Still, drunk on his touch, she whispered, “Please.”

Humor cut through some of the wildness in his eyes. “Not that,” he breathed.

“Lucien—” she complained, exasperated that he was still playing these games.

He groaned, fingers speeding up. “Yes,” he said, like a man descending into delirium. “Yes, exactly that. Say my name, wife. Just like that. Please.”

“Lucien,” she moaned, the beginning of a chant as she shaped his name over and over, falling from her lips as easily as breath. Like she had known it all along, before she had even known her own name.

Something tight coiled in her chest, warm and vibrant as it tugged her closer to Lucien and wound around them both. Golden light exploded behind her eyes as Elain screamed from the pleasure that scorched through her blood. Lucien captured her mouth again, perhaps in an effort to stop the footman from overhearing what they were doing. She couldn’t find it in herself to care as wave after wave wrecked through her, leaving Elain trembling in her husband’s tight hold.

The first thing she noticed, as clarity began rushing her senses, was that Lucien’s chest was heaving. He was staring at her through wide eyes, bathed in hunger, and it made her mouth feel dry all over again.

“Was I good, then?” She found herself asking. Taunting, more like.

Lucien’s throat bobbed. “Very good,” he said gruffly, nodding his head. Those eyes flickered over her face, assessing. “Do you want to know how I reward my wife for being so good?”

Elain could guess by the way he hastily unlaced his trousers. A distant part of her thought it should have been terrifying, just as it had been the night before. That part must have been the first to burn in the fire that licked through her veins, so desperate and wanting that she would rather die than say no to this.

“Yes,” she whispered, so urgent that the please was unspoken but heard all the same. “Yes, Lucien.”

Hearing his name seemed to unlock something in her husband. He groaned, hands tightening against her hips to guide her over his waiting cock. The flushed head parted her lips, sparing a moment to teasingly glide over her clit before he notched it against her entrance.

Elain held her breath, expecting pain as Lucien allowed gravity to do most of the work, slowing sheathing himself in her body. His arms shook with the effort of stopping it from happening all at once, but Elain wished he didn’t bother. It felt incredible, every perfect inch of him stretching her to madness. When he was seated all the way they both groaned.

It was like satiating some primal creature that prowled beneath her skin. The itching, crawling desire subsided just enough that she could take a heavy breath. She wondered if it let up for Lucien at all, with the way he buried his face into her neck and gasped like his need were drowning him alive.

“My wife,” he panted, muffled against hair and skin and barely-there kisses at her throat. “My beautiful wife. So perfect. Mine.”

The words stirred something inside her. Yes, she thought, tightening her fists into his hair. Mine.

She considered saying it back, but worried Lucien would collapse entirely if she did. They were hardly moving, too consumed in each other and this new feeling of closeness. Of becoming.

Slowly, Elain shifted her hips, grinding herself against his cock. The sound that came out of him was low and guttural, more animal than man. She expected to reach some kind of trigger point, to push him until he snapped. But if anything, Lucien yielded to her, moaning into her neck as he matched her pace with slow rolls of his hips. She had the sense that this was not about pleasure for him. He only relished in the unhurried slide of their bodies, lavishing tender kisses along whatever skin his mouth could find.

It would have been easy to become drunk on this power. It was addictive, the way her husband worshiped her as his fingers slid back between her legs and he returned his attention to that hooded bundle of nerves.

“I want you to come on my cock next,” he said, voice rougher than the gravel their carriage trodded over. “Then my tongue,” he gasped, laving it against her collarbone like it were a demonstration of what he might do with it between her legs. She felt him shudder. “Then anywhere you’ll allow. Every inch of my skin.”

It seemed absurd, yet Elain only nodded, his fingers extremely persuasive.

“I want to be covered in you,” he said. “So that there is never any doubt to who I belong.”

Mine, something feral in her head chanted. You are mine, and I am yours.

Her chest tightened again, a golden band of tension that shuddered all the way down her spine until she was clenching so hard against him that the air expelled from Lucien’s chest. She felt him buck into her on reflex, but when it made her gasp and tug encouragingly on his hair, he did it again.

“Lucien,” she urged, knowing that was all it took to unleash him. Her eyes fluttered shut as his hands came to brace around her thighs, holding her open as he lifted her on and off his cock like she weighed nothing.

“So fucking tight,” he grunted, hips snapping fiercely into hers. “My m—wife. My pretty wife. Say it again, please.”

Elain could feel herself being swept away in his rhythm, but she had enough sense to know what he was asking for. And to choose something better. Light swelled in her chest, so bright she was certain he would be able to see it, feel it. She used a fistful of his hair to bring his lips closer, so that he could taste the words as she shaped them. “Mine,” she said, more wild than she had ever heard her voice.

Lucien snarled—the sound half muffled as his mouth collided with hers and he slammed himself to the hilt. Release tore through her, lost to nothing but the tremor of their bodies and the demanding stroke of his tongue. The light burst, so bright it became a tangible thing that wrapped around them, binding them together until they were one.

The kiss turned soft as the roaring in Elain’s ears died down and her senses slowly returned. His cock was still buried inside her, twitching from the last of his orgasm. Even as they broke away to catch their breath.

“Have you learned your lesson?” he asked through ravaged breath, his eyes shining so brilliantly she would have believed they were gemstones beneath a glittering sky.

“Yes, Lord,” she panted, earning an exasperated laugh from her husband. His hands traced soothing strokes along her thighs.

“It’s a long way to the inn,” he murmured, dropping his forehead against her shoulder. “I have plenty of time to continue teaching you.” Then, as if he’d caught a second wind, he straightened and pulled Elain back into his chest. She whimpered, overstimulated, as his fingers found her clit. She could already feel his cock growing harder inside her.

With a devious chuckle, he asked, “How many times do you think I can make you come before we get there?”

Elain was boneless by the time they arrived at the inn—so exhausted she wasn’t even certain she would be able to walk. Thankfully, her husband ensured she wouldn’t have to. It was like every romantic moment she had ever imagined, the way Lucien cradled her against his chest and carried her up to their room. They would be sharing a bed on this occasion, which she could hardly complain about given how she had spent most of the last twelve hours sitting on his cock.

“Stay here,” he said, gently laying her out on the bed. “I will go fetch us some supper.”

She stretched out on the bed while she waited for him to return, wincing against her stiff and aching muscles. Elain had never sat in a carriage for so long, nor had she ever had anything thicker than her fingers inside her. The ache was to be expected, she supposed, and she was dreading another full day of it. Perhaps Lucien would have to carry her around Velaris, too.

“Sore?” Lucien asked as he cracked the door open to the sight of Elain massaging her calves. He carried two trays of food in one hand and a jug of water in the other, all of which he abandoned on the bedside table in favor of taking her legs into his lap.

His hands were remarkably hot as they massaged into her stiff muscles, and she swore she felt instant relief beneath his touch. He smiled as she visibly relaxed into the bed, nodding his head toward the trays of food. “Eat,” he instructed. “It’s been a long day, I’m sure you’re hungry.”

Elain watched him curiously as she reached for one of the trays, delighted to find a bowl of warm stew. She kicked at him playfully in an effort to get him to release her leg as she passed him one of the bowls.

He was sweet, she thought absently, watching him spoon the soup into his mouth. She liked that he made her feel cared for, and she had enjoyed what they had done in the carriage. Perhaps it wasn’t the worst thing in the world to be married to a man like him.

Lucien raised his brows, lowering the spoon back into the bowl. “Something caught your eye?”

“No,” she said coyly, “But I was wondering what caught yours.”

His brows merged, russet and gold eyes tracking each of her movements carefully. She thought he looked like an animal assessing dangerous terrain. “You’ll have to be more specific. I don’t understand your meaning.”

“When you saw me in the village square,” Elain clarified. “What made you decide you wanted me to be your wife? Why not court me properly?”

It would have worked, she almost added, but pressed her lips together to refrain from doing so. She did not want to give him that control in the conversation.

Lucien frowned, setting down his bowl like the question had chased away his appetite. “I…” That frown deepened, pressing a deep line into his forehead. “In truth, lady, this is not how I wished for things to happen.”

That left such a bad taste in her mouth that Elain abandoned her stew as well. She sat up, an edge creeping into her voice as she said, “You chose for things to happen this way.”

“I did not,” he said calmly. “It is true that I was enamored on sight. But I would have preferred to court you properly. This marriage was Lord Nolan’s design, and my hand in it was as forced as your own.”

The world instantly turned on its side. Elain blinked rapidly. “You… You did not want this marriage?”

Lucien grimaced. It sounded awful to say it like that, but she could not blame him for saying yes when she had felt the same.

He leaned forward, eyes burning as he said fiercely, “I do not regret it.”

Those words felt weighted. Like a confession. Elain searched his face, wondering what he wasn’t telling her.

Lucien took a heavy breath. “I wish that we had been allowed to court freely, but I will not pretend I am afflicted by our marriage. My only sorrow is that you might view me more as captor than husband.”

The room went so quiet, then, as Lucien watched her place the half-eaten bowl on the bedside table. Part of her wanted to reassure him that she did not feel like a prisoner. The other part had been willing to step foot into the forest and never return so that she could avoid marrying him. And that girl, no matter how fond she had become of her husband in the span of a day, was kicking and screaming for her to stay quiet as Lucien waited for her response.

She would not relieve him of his guilt for his decisions.

When she said nothing, he didn’t seem surprised. Though his eyes lost some of their gleam. “If that is the case,” he said gently, “then I shall endeavor to make you the happiest captive there ever was.”

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#They Are the Hunters We Are the Foxes #elucienweek2022 #elucien #elucien fic #elucien fanfiction #elain x lucien #lucien x elain

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yorgilord · 9 months

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XENOBLADE Chronicles 3: One Year LATER

Or: one man’s unhinged ramblings on a game that may be one of their favorites of all time.

A few disclaimers before reading this:

1: this is an enormous wall of text. This is 11849 words long and by far the longest I’ve ever written, just as a heads up.

2: This will contain spoilers for the entirety of the Xenoblade series, not counting other Xeno games because I’m from Europe and I am someone who loves having physical copies, so it’s going to take a while before I get the chance to play those.

3: there will be minor to major grammatical issues and faulty sentence structures because I’ve started writing this on this on the 26th and I suck at grammar and don’t have the time to proofread the entirety. So, uh no beta we die like Hackt.

4: This is going to be mildly unhinged, filled with swearing and is highly subjective you’re allowed to have your own opinion nothing I say is a fact as I’m just as much a fan as you hopefully are.

5: if there is anything that I say in this text that may or may not be considered to be offensive please tell me and I’ll try to fix it.

As of today, it has been about a year since Xenoblade chronicles 3 first hit store shelves, and for many of us our home. Although it would be wrong to say that this game hasn’t been without its controversy the overall reception towards the game has been relatively positive. With people praising the characters, the music, the revamped combat system, etc. To me this is the first game in the series that came out with me being fully caught up in the hype cycle (I got introduced around 2016-17 through Chuggaaconroy his lp of XC1, the date may be off but I remember watching the lp either during or just after my burnout and that was about the time of my burnout, but wasn’t as of yet fully converted, that only came after playing the first game for myself on the new 2ds I bought specifically to play it, despite owning a Wii meaning it would be cheaper for me to buy a used Wii copy as I’m from the Netherlands and we actually had Wii copies of the game and they weren’t too expensive on the local version of e-bay, which is called Marktplaats (lit market place) but tbf I also really wanted to play that new fire emblem Musou game so yeah choices were made, I don’t know if they were great ones but they certainly were choices. Despite taking a bit to warm up to the game when watching the lp it was eventually love at first sight. Eventually I bought a switch in 2018 got xc2 and loved it, (not sure if in or despite of) its differences, managed to snag myself a collectors edition of DE where I played up until after the metal face fight on day 01. I really enjoyed my time with every game in the series, even picking up a Wii-u specifically for X late last year and despite the difficulties in adapting to its take on the game also loving it. So, you can probably guesstimate my reaction to the game being announced on the of February 2022. The hype cycle was amazing, watching every Luxin vid that came out learning more details about the game salivating over the first trailer, giving myself the habit to regularly check my mail multiple times a day in order to see if the pre-orders for the Collectors Edition were up yet (I still haven’t kicked it), fantasizing about the potential of the game and just in general good vibes. I did have some doubts about the game, wasn’t really feeling the clock theming and really hoped that the gameplay was more akin 1 than 2 (to put emphasis on this the last few times I played 1/de I played the entirety of the ether mine as Sharla and I enjoyed it, needless to say I really like the first game) What I really didn’t expect was for this game to become one of my fav games of the year and most likely of all time, up there with the golden cow that is XC 1 and joined by titles such as dark souls 3 (after I played it earlier this year), Shin Megami Tensei V, DMC V and Halo: Reach. To put it briefly, I love this game. Now to finally get to the point of this introductory piece: a few months ago after reading on reddit someone claiming that to fully get the game you should play it a few times I came to a realization, there were some things that I wasn’t too sure about, so you know what I decided I’m going to replay the game. And I’m going to write a piece about it, and you are reading that piece right now. So, without further ado these are my lightly structured and sorted thoughts and feelings on this beautiful game.

Ok so now before I get to praising the game for the way too many things it gets right, I do have a few gripes with the game itself. Gripe number 1: now this is more of a petty complaint but why can’t you level down before beating Z that’s a weird choice imo and makes it kind of annoying to return to older areas if you’re over leveled. Gripe number 2: while I am glad that the game kind of returns to a more rigid style a-la xc1 when it comes to arts and such, I am kind of miffed by how they are implemented. I prefer my RPGS with characters that have rigidly defined roles and while I think that versatile parties can be fun to play around with, i.e. I love the challenge of putting together a party to specifically counter bosses in Megami Tensei games, I still in a sense prefer the games that force you to be creative in the constraints you’re given. And if I’m going to be real here this game plays, at least to me, a bit too fast and lose with those constraints, which annoys me but only mildly and not enough to detract from the joy of playing this piece of perfection. Gripe number 3 whose idea was it to not put location names on the map? I want to talk with them not hurt them, just talk. Gripe 4: the tutorials are way too overbearing. Gripe 5: I would prefer if there were more quests to be found on the world map instead of through idea bubbles, i.e., give me more X less the worst segments of persona 4. Gripe number 6: I dislike how relatively speaking the Agnian trio has less focus put on them in comparison to the Kevesi trio, at least when it comes to the main story. I have more but those will come up when I feel its necessary. Those are just however gripes and not anything major just minor annoyances, ok some are not so minor, but they don’t ruin the game.

Chapter 1: Ouroboros

“Fighting to live and living to fight” Those were the first words we heard in the first teaser trailer on that fateful day and those are also some of the first words we hear used in the game. And they describe the vibes that Aionios gives at first glance pretty well. The first chapter of the game is a bloody violent introduction to the world of Aionios it tells us in plain simple language hey, you there, welcome to hell. It introduces us to the colony system, to the flame clock and how it enforces a constant need for bloodshed, and it showcases how this affects the soldiers. A neat thing about this chapter is in how it directly showcases the power the flame clock has over its victims through integrating the flame clock as a mechanic that the player has to deal with. The opening of the game swiftly introduces us to the sheer brutality of this world by showcasing the battle between the Kevesi colony 9 (not that one) and the Agnian colony Sigma (male) which is shown in brutal bloody detail. What I love about this opening is the sheer sense of scale that is seen in this battle, which has, to my imperfect knowledge, only been seen in e.g., the battle of sword valley, the defense of NLA and the assault on / defense of the life hold core. The aftermath of this battle also showcases the mundane evil that the war makes the soldiers commit, i.e., the Kevesi soldiers casually trampling over the Agnian husks. This is also the first showcase of the sheer level of dehumanization that both sides employ on their enemies, which will come up later.

The section in colony 9 is also a good showcase of how despite the ever-present war and the constant violence a simulacrum of normal life is still possible and ongoing. Which in a profoundly fucked up sense is beautiful if you ask me. That despite the horrid dehumanization of the soldiers, the abuse that the consuls lash out, the ever-present threat of death. Life is still ongoing, no matter how shallow or how much of a simulacrum it is. I like this. In a sense it’s the idea of the indomitable human will when faced with the horrid oppressive cards that they are dealt. Which makes the position of Off-seer a small mercy granted to the soldiers, a sense of comfort to the warriors, a sense of peace not permitted to those who die on the slaughter fields of Aionios. And I love this section, the sense of atmosphere it has is unparalleled in my opinion and only rivaled, at least to me, by the Li Garte Prison Camp section. Also, as an aside I really fucking love the highly distinct uniforms that the Kevesi and Agnian forces have. Each uniform just looks so good. The black colors, almost skintight suits and visors found in the Kevesi army. The borderline Wuxia white robes, kabuto helmets and Japanese inspired aesthetic of the Agnian army. God, I just love those designs.

The introduction of Moebius D&J, although its mainly Dirk in control for this part as a misdirection, is masterfully done. Give the player what looks like a standard assignment, make it become more shifty by introducing the first hints of the lost numbers, through the automatons and later Guernica, and then pull the rug completely by revealing a monster which just doesn’t fit in with the local fauna and flora, which as an aside I have to say I really like, and by that I mean REALLY LIKE, the character designs of the Moebius and Ouroboros, (I guess I should thank CHOCO for this one huh), that are found in this game. They just feel so wrong, so unnatural, so borderline mechanical, like they saw the idea of the uncanny valley and decided to hike right into it. Their designs are, at least to me, perfect, which makes the fact that every single moebius, not counting FR, has a unique design personality and powerset especially amazing. And I really like how they sell the difficulty to beat and sheer power of the Moebius.

The introduction of the ouroboros into the story is also beautiful and one of the more wonderful scenes that is found in the game. And I really like the speech that D gives when the transformation takes place is amazing.

(Credits to the Xenoseries wiki for the script.)

“Noah: What...? This hand...

Noah & Mio: Is it...mine?

Noah & Mio: Huh? H-how are you inside me?!

Noah & Mio: Inside...? Hold on... Are we...?!

Moebius: (chuckling) Well, you sure catch on quick. So you got yourselves an Interlink going, eh? Guess I've gotta give the old fool credit where it's due.

Noah & Mio: Interlink?

Moebius: Well, whatever. That form you just merged into? It's called "Ouroboros". Sear that into yer skulls.

Noah: Ouroboros?

Moebius: Oh, and... Me, I'm Moebius. We look a bit alike, don't we? When Keves and Agnus come together in unity, you're practically one step away from being on the same level as us.

Noah: So we're...

Mio: one being...?

Moebius: Ehh, to put it bluntly, you're failures. Fact is, the two of us are mortal enemies.

Noah & Mio: Enemies?

Moebius: You got the picture? No further questions? Then let's get back on the dance floor!”

The fact that the ouroboros team are not immediately friendly with each other and there’s still some minor hostility among them is Imo pretty good. I really like that. Because their lives as of that point have been spent fighting each other and it is only through this incident that they become friends and teammates. Which at least to me feels somewhat realistic, only joining forces after being forced to abandon their own colonies due to the influence of Moebius and their weird mind control censor powers. Also I am mildly annoyed by the fact that it is jingoistic Gigantus instead of Rotbart, I mean I know that bombastic Rotbart jr is a thin but still. I’d really just prefer it if it was Rotbart.

So that was chapter one of the game, and I’m going to end it with a bit of a hot-take. I feel like this first chapter is one of the best introductions in the entire series. It has the atmosphere, it has the vibes, it has the beautiful music, it has a very engaging hook, and in general I really like this. I mean yes, the battle of sword valley, Mechon assault on colony 9 and Shulk’s vow for revenge from 1, destruction of earth and waking up on Mira from X, and the awakening of Pyra from 2 are fucking iconic, not counting any dlc here just the full games. But yes, I really do think that the introduction to this game is the best one in the series. This is however only an introduction, the real fun is just about to begin in.

Chapter 2: Moebius

This chapter of the game is when the story really gets going as it details the journey to the Aetia region, through the Eagus wilderness and leads to the confrontation with Colony 4, the resolution of that conflict and their departure for the Ribbi Flats. You know I really like the chapter transition screen which are formatted like entries from Mio’s diary which I feel like is a nice touch. This chapter also introduces us to one of the most important characters to the story Ethel. And I really like Ethel. The presence of Ethel in the story is used for some fun stuff.

One of the first scenes in this chapter shows us the beginnings of the friendship between Lanz and Sena and I really like this. Sena and Lanz are just best muscle buddies, can be interpreted as both romantic and platonic could go either way. But yeah, I really like how despite Lanz being the one most adverse to the team-up, next to Taion, he’s also the first one to actually befriend his Agnian counterpart. Also, since I haven’t mentioned this anywhere, I’ll mention this here. CHARACTER DESIGNS ARE FUCKING PEAK. THANK YOU, MAGATSU SAITO-SAMA, FOR GIVING US THESE CHARACTER DESIGNS AND OUTFITS. But yeah, I really like those designs and their characters, just heads up but Eunie best girl I will not elaborate. But yeah, the first section of this chapter is pretty good. What follows is the “water” and the Eagus wilderness, one of my favorite regions in this game when it comes to the aesthetic, Maktha is the best I will elaborate on this later, also as an aside but think that Mio’s entire bit with having difficulties with heat is a reference to the Japanese concept of “ 猫舌” which roughly translate to cat’s tongue, or rather to quote Wiktionary “(idiomatic) being incapable of drinking or eating anything hot (high temperature) due to having an overly sensitive tongue” This makes the fact that someone from Gormotti descent such as Mio, assuming that Nia has passed the Gormotti genetics she acquired from eating the flesh of her sister down, a bit hilarious and most likely highly intentional. The introduction to Chain attacks is logical and it is interesting to see how they come upon the idea of working together to kill that one really hard to kill Aspar. What makes that one Aspar so difficult to kill? But that gets us to the battle with colony 4.

I really like the conflict that the battle with colony 4 imposes upon the members of Ouroboros, and it is a great expansion upon the ideas shown in chapter 1 with the mind control abilities that moebius has, and the power of Moebius in general. Speaking of which, I love how Moebius are fully introduced in this chapter, and specifically the hierarchy, of Moebius, or rather lack of hierarchy among Moebius. In a sense the ranks of Moebius are egalitarian, each of the Moebius are only loyal to Z and the freedom that is granted to them by Z. It also introduces us to the apparent true nature and behavior of the members of Moebius. And it does this through the presence of K. The moebius are in this game childlike to say the least. They are constantly pursuing the joy and ecstasy of the highest order. They do this through the pursual of their twisted desires, whether this is through slowly orchestrating the demise of their own colony, taking to the seas as a man of the sea, acting like the director of a stage play, being a wannabe tactician or in the case of K just the childlike pleasure of killing your foes. I also think that K has a few of the best one liners in the game.

“Hahahahaha! My dear boy... Your vaunted intuition... is shit!!!” or “It's the big bad boss. Boo!”

K also leads us to the first true battle with a Moebius and the first use of the second Moebius battle theme. And hoo boy this fight is truly a banger like for real I love each and every single moebius battle and the music that accompanies it. I thought about doing a ranking of my favorite battle themes from the game, but I’m going to be frank here EVERY. SINGLE. VARIATION. OF. THE. MOEBIUS. THEME. WOULD. WIN. I really like bombastic faux opera ok, God Shattering Star is one of my favorite boss themes sue me all right.

It also features the full awakening of the Kevesi Ouroboros and I have to say I really like each and every first transformation, the mindscape the foreshadowing through shards of fragmented memories and the unity of Keves and Agnus in what I now realize is foreshadowing of what happens when they combine for too long as the animation is pretty similar to the annihilation event we are shown in the first scene of the game. And now we move on to the next part.

Chapter 3: Saffronias

This chapter, at least to my opinion, is peak Taion. Like this is his chapter.

The aftermath of the battle is also pretty interesting in how it shows the difficulties of overcoming the programming and hatred of the soldiers and how they try to adapt to life outside of the flame clock system, while also showing through that one asshole Homs that some are not so willing to overcome their prejudices. And then we get the first hero quest and the introduction to the class system. I have my gripes with the class system like mentioned earlier but overall, I like how it is presented in the game and I also like how the full customization of the heroes is locked behind beating the game, due to the aforementioned reasons.

This is also the point where the game really begins opening up to the player and granting them the choice to begin on the abundant, to put it extremely lightly, side content of the game. And hoo boy is it meaty. We first get multiple colonies to liberate and heroes to recruit with every colony also having quest lines of varying length associated with them and every colony questline delving from a differing perspective into the question of “What now?” and I do love how this varies for each colony depending on their situation. 9 has issues with acquiring food and therefore eventually turns to the farming of spongy spuds, while also reorienting the entirety of Zeon’s character around them. Gamma goes on with Teach upholding his role as a mentor to his soldiers, 30 is finally free to pursue the special interests of its commander and goes full ham on the construction of Levnises. Etcetera etcetera. Another point I really like is how the presence of gray gives hints to the involvement of the city in the larger politics of Aionios, which the player might pick up upon, but could also easily miss. I’m going to talk about each hero when they first become available, skipping ethel due to her being locked off for a large part of the game.

So first off, we have Valdi I like the goober. Like some may have picked up from the earlier word choice I choose to interpret him as being at least somewhere on the spectrum and having a fascination with Levnises. But I like him and specifically how he grows to detest the use of Levnises as weapons of war, eventually becoming more pacifistic. The fact that gruff Lanz is also acting like a brother to him is extra fun and cute. His class is reasonably useful in the early game but sadly becomes overshadowed the further it goes.

Zeon. I like how he has difficulties with reconciling the fact that ouroboros abandoned the colony and how he tries to somehow accept their help. I also really like how his entire arc is about attempting to wrangle his colony unto the path forward, I remember the colony 9 storyline being one of the darker ones and really showing the difficulties of life without the support from the castles. It’s a shame then that I only really used his class to get topple on some characters due to it being the only source of master arts that make one able to topple until you get Cammuravi.

Teach his quest is fun in how it in a sense is the complete opposite of Zeon’s quest. Where the ouroboros were welcomed with hostility in 9, Gamma opens them with wide arms and Teach at first seems friendly. And then we get his maelstrom of power speech which I find truly fascinating, I like teach. He’s cool. And I especially like how he chose to be a teacher when granted the choice by G. Also, his class is extremely useful due to his ability to both remove debuffs and grant atk up to party members in the area.

As I am also discussing the available dlc, not Future Redeemed cause I haven’t got the time to do so even if I wanted to, I’m also going to talk about Ino. She’s really interesting in how she basically acts upon xc2 rules with her being an artificial blade and like Poppi a Nopon in a humanoid body, although she acts more like a stereotypical Nopon than Poppi ever did. But yeah, I like Ino I do however agree that her voice is a bit difficult to get used to and can be a bit grating the first time. But overall, I like her character and gimmick of having to collect ether to level her. Which is fun at least to me as it gives you a long-term goal to work towards. Her class is also really good in chain attacks to increase the damage.

Gray. I like him, he’s mysterious. I like his fatherlike bond with Eunie. I like the gameplay of his class, especially the positioning pro skill which oh god yes that is so fucking good, especially when combined with unsheathing lucky 7 because it shortens the rotation to get that to cooldown. But yeah, I like gray and how he leaves a bit of a mystery to the story while also hinting at the presence of lost numbers even more than Guernica and co. Also, he’s basically fucking Kakashi but with guns. His quest is also interesting and is the first hint at the larger significance of the mysterious items we later learn to be origin shards.

Seeing as this is where she first becomes available, I’m also going to talk about Alexandria. Mythrakid suspect number two here is interesting. I like how you can fight her early but have to wait until chapter 5 to truly have a fair chance to beat her hero quest. But yeah, hers is in a sense the most traditional liberation of a colony due to the fact that you actually have to fight your way to Iota and have to beat both dame Alex and E before actually talking with Alexandria and liberating the colony from the clock.

Whew that was a detour now back to the plot. The conversation at the foot of the Saffronia tree is the first insight we as players get into the mindset of Taion and the trauma he endured, besides from the fragmented memories shown in his fusion with Eunie. And I have to say that I really didn’t expect much from him when the game first released, he seemed to be the calm aloof tactical guy whose aloofness would be used for comedy more than would be interesting. But he really surprised me, especially the scene with him recognizing the fears that Eunie has and thinking of a way he is able to help her. And thus, leading to the beautiful tea scene and one of my favorite deep bonding conversations while beautiful music plays™ that are found all over the game.

Riku and Manana’s hero quest is interesting as it takes up almost the entirety of the Urayan caverns which I have to say are just kind of sad to look at, recognizing the ruins of a once great society now crumbled to nothing, due to years of war and thousands of years without maintenance. But going back to Riku and manana I like them. They’re both “common variety Nopon” although manana is way more common variety Nopon than Riku I feel like. But yeah, I like both of them. Especially the fact that they provide a different type of humor from the main Nopon of the past few games. And I admire how in certain parts manana tries to keep spirits high despite the circumstances. But yeah, they are good. I also really like the fact that they contextualize the food bonuses and gem crafting found in this game, xc1 gems are better sue me these are just worse aux cores, and their hero quest is wholesome goodness, with minor angst about R&M being unable to fight, nothing more to add.

The section of being pursued by the forces of lambda has an amazing atmosphere and I love the effect of the smoke appearing on the floor. I mean I get why we couldn’t have something like the poisoned sections from ps4 Spiderman, but this is still pretty good for the limitations. I also really fucking love the effect of the red moebius eyes cutting through the fog. Then we get to the battle with Lambda, and I have to say hats off to mister Ian Bouillion he’s pretty good and it is amazing that he plays both the seething hatred of the mud clone and the calm gentleness of the normal Isurd. But yeah, this battle is one of the larger spectacles in the game with you actually fighting the Ferronis itself which is if I’m correct only beaten by the battle with Zu Pharg in X in regards to the scale of a fight in this series. And yeah, this entire part rocks and the culmination with the awakening of the Agnian ouroboros is amazing. Seeing Taion & Eunie lift up from the water and cloning themselves, Sena taking the lead and Lanz & Sena tipping the entire colony and the Mio & Noah dodging all those attacks. I also love the aesthetics of these ouroboros and feel like I actually prefer their general aesthetic over that of the Kevesi ouroboros, to add to this Sena & Lanz is my favorite ouroboros design.

The J reveal is one of the more impactful reveals in the game and one that some maybe saw coming from a mile away. But I was fully taken by surprise by this reveal. It is, however, a great reveal. And adds a lot of drama to the mix with Joran’s death being the catalyst for Lanz’s growth he now has to face a version of Joran completely unlike whom he remembered. And just wow Despite this being mainly Taion’s chapter, and thus mainly Olivier Huband his time to shine, Jack Bardoe absolutely kills it as Lanz iirc.

And then we get to the ending scene of the chapter Noah and Mio sending off the mud husks that were killed by J. and I feel like many moments with the weight of life playing that it is a profound moment of just wonder and sadness.

Overall whereas chapters 1 and 2 are more introductory I feel like chapter 3 really gets the ball rolling with the main conflict and themes, but that’s just an opinion. So next up is.

Chapter 4: Life

This chapter is amazing and may just be my favorite chapter in the game, yes, I know end of 5 and beginning of 6 is amazing but I feel like I prefer chapter 4’s content as a package.

However, I must interrupt the journey deeper into the Pentelas region with a minor distraction to talk about Isurd. Isurd as a character is one of the less remarkable Heroes, I think he’s cool with his tactical behavior and his skills are just amazing to use. But his class is mostly a mainstay in large parts of my playthrough, I do however feel that he’s a at some times a bit unremarkable, I do however like his grown interest / obsession with hot springs in his ascension quest.

So, we begin with the jolly walk from the falls into Maktha with the conspicuously placed Umber Drague. I don’t know why it’s there, I have no explanation for why it’s there it’s just there to give the characters a convenient excuse to experience the time limit of their interlink, as an aside if you’re really desperate for an explanation but can also enjoy some comedy I’m just going to leave this https://archiveofourown.org/works/45594703 here cause its hilarious and y’all should read it.

Afterwards we move past the falls and into my favorite (aesthetically) area of the game, the Maktha Wildwood. In order to explain why I’m going to give an example using the last of us. There are two types of people who play the last of us. Those who enjoyed the series and want to try the game, those who like / dislike the game, and then there’s me who plays it to enjoy the overgrown modern city aesthetic. And that is why I love Maktha. This beautiful fusion paradoxical of the Bionis region with the highest density of plant growth animal wildlife and overall jungle vibes, mixed together with the lifeless desolated hellscape that is Morytha. I love this place from an aesthetic point of view. However, from a level design point of view, from the perspective of this layperson who has never touched level editing software and whose opinion is therefore factually wrong, it sucks and is too confusing. I prefer the level design found in the Fornis region over this entire region. Pentelas has just a few too many bottomless pits for my taste, same for the Keves castle region and upper Aetia.

The they/them person of royalty and holy they/them agnussy themselves Juniper is fucking based. I like their character a lot and think that it is interesting how their colony lived a low sustenance lifestyle and had some sort of survival of the fittest mentality. What makes it more interesting to me is how this all apparently planned out by U, which makes me feel like U may or may not have known Juniper in their original life and that U has somehow done this more often. I do like colony Tau though. It is a pretty cool colony, the Ferronis makes me think of Nopon. But yeah, I like it. It is cool, it’s a shame though that I almost never play as Juni or their class because it is slow, and I do not understand it due to my brain being a bit too smooth and preferring arts spammy builds. (/s)

The flute scene is one of the more beautiful scenes in the game and I feel like this entire chapter has loads of introspective conversation and speeches about you know life the meaning of it the value of it. The flute exchange scene is just one of many that I feel are extremely profound.

This is followed up by the duel with Cammuravi and Ethel while the fight in itself is one of the best this game has to offer, I feel like the story revolving it is even worthier of being one of the coolest and best character driven parts of the game. The fact that Cammuravi and ethel have this realization that they can make their own choices, that Cammuravi rips out his own eyeball in order to remain in control of his own actions. And then their shared murder suicide is just wow, it is a beautiful scene, being one of the most profound scenes in the game imo, being a beautiful scene that showcases the themes of the game pretty fucking well. And fuck dude. It’s just beautiful.

The following action scene with O&P is also pretty amazing. Mio’s sheer rage over the behavior of O&P, the following part wherein every member basically joins Mio in solidarity and the 6 of them all give O&P a piece of their thoughts and really just fucking go off on them. I love this scene. The action scene following this is also a beautifully choreographed scene where I really love the beautiful choreography. Especially that first uninterrupted scene, with the female ouroboros constantly assaulting O&P with the first notes of weight of life playing in the background is just so beautiful. The sheer power that exudes from O&P just seconds before the annihilation effect starts, and then Noah and Mio REMOVING A PIECE OF LAND USING LUCKY 7, just to get them away from the annihilation event. This revelation also sort of allows me to think a bit deeper about the nature of the ouroboros time limit. Cause I feel like this time limit can be explained simply by thinking through the effects of an annihilation event. So, like an annihilation event is simply a reaction similar to the idea of annihilation we can see in quantum mechanics. Matter and antimatter collide and vanish. So, like ouroboros and moebius grow from their core. So, I feel like their core is the fused state of the interlink. So, Noah and Mio, Eunie and Taion, Lanz and Sena, D&J etc. This core is an overlap between Agnian and Kevesi matter and sustains a construct, the sustaining of this construct takes energy, energy which would be needed to keep the core stable and an annihilation event at bay. But then it gets too much. The energy is expended, and then it gets too much. Which leads to it drawing in the fog and an annihilation event taking place. Or at least that’s how it feels like. I mean I do not know quantum mechanics, but I feel like this is a possible explanation for the time limit that I have thought way too much about.

The seeing off of Cammuravi and ethel is also beautiful which is great imo just another beautiful way of life performance.

Kevesi castle region is cool, I like the castle, too many bottomless pits, but yeah, I like it. Also, it contains my favorite hero in the game Ashera. I love her colony and her story. Hell in the one piece of fanfiction I’ve written as of today in this fandom is partially about Ashera, or at least contains her as a perspective, and I really like her character. Especially how her entire persona is a bit of a façade for the truly damaged soul that lives behind it, especially her fear of dying at her homecoming. Which wow, I’m also going to be frank she’s the main hero I’ve used throughout the game. Cause you know I am a sucker for the big damage numbers that she brings. But yeah, Ashera is one of my favorite characters and I really like her relationship with Eunie, I am not sure if I consider them a friend or relationship, but I just really like their relationship in general whether it be romantic or platonic. Also, like said earlier, I really just like her character and the references she makes to imo the best character from XC1. I really do hope that she’s a good sister to panacea outside of Aionios.

The castle infiltration is imo pretty cool, especially the getting in, the fighting through the soldiers and then. A second encounter with DJ. I like the second DJ fight, it feels cool. And I love how Eunie tries to overcome her own trauma and fears, or more specifically how she utilizes her trauma and fear and behavior that D expects from her as a weapon to make DJ underestimate her and how she eventually manages to overtake him. I really like this fight ok. Also, Mythrakid suspect number one is just a villain I love to hate.

I love the bait and switch of the annihilator seeming to be the climax of the chapter, but then pulling the rug from underneath you and then throwing you into a battle with the Kevesi Queen, best girl of the first game MELIA motherfucking ANTIQUA. And wow, just wow. I remembered being panicked and having a feeling of holy shit we’re fighting her now. Last year when I first played the game, keeping in mind that I expected there to be 10 chapters instead of 7, but now I can recognize it as the midpoint of the game and in that sense, I love the battle. And the music the fucking music. I remembered reading around release that people compared it to the music from souls and now having played the games and defeated gale in 5 attempts, I do have to say that yeah it fits. False queens are one of the most foreboding and intense battle themes in the game. This combined with the first in many revelations about the true nature of the cycle of life in Aionios is just wow. I love this game. But that’s it for this chapter and just like the ouroboros escaped the Castle I will now be escaping to.

Chapter 5: Eclipse

This chapter contains some of the most iconic moments that are found in this game imo. First off, we get the reveal of the city and the reactions that the party has to the “true nature of the world” or something like that. And wow the scene with the baby is just so moving it’s so cute and adorable, I love how Taion just fucking melts, and I like the comedy that comes from A Eunie’s afterward seeming obsession with babies and B knowing that Riku most likely got a bit lost in character during that scene, or he has never seen a Homs birth and Nopon births are even weirder than we can possibly imagine.

The city also can be a bit shadier I feel like than it at first seems to be. Cause I really feel like that’s important to take in mind. This is a society in which the fact of life is that procreation is expected and necessary, cause Shania’s whole deal is definitely an example of the shit that the city would likely put people through, or at least the people who live there put others through. Cause I feel like you know the city is but one place, and less populous than it was in its first incarnation. And as can be taken from the fact that everyone looks like a baseline human / homs implies that a lot of “breeding” has taken place to make everyone so homogenized. Especially because of the diversity that can be seen at the liberator base in FR.

Speaking of FR, we due to that have also the confirmation that the lady Masha, the second dlc hero, is descendent of the one and only ZEKE VON GENBU BRINGER OF CHAOS WIELDER OF THE PURPLE LIGHTNING DREAM SMASHER GRANTED TO HIM BY HIS BELOVED LIFE PARTNER AND COMPANION PANDORIA AND THEIR PET TURTERS. So yes, we can therefore sort of confirm that being a theater kid may or may not be genetically hereditary, in spite of how serious and borderline dour Linka can be, I haven’t completed every quest in FR yet shame on me indeed. But yeah, I like the gameplay and behavior of Masha she’s a very fun borderline ojousama archetype, which is one of my fav archetypes, who’s also skilled in her craft. Also, I really like using her class, and her model is just amazing just wow. Also, it hits a few of the archetypes that I like. But yeah, I enjoy her character a lot. And like said earlier I love playing her class because it can be a lot of broken fun, I mean not as broken as an l7 based flash fencer build, I used it I do not apologize. But still very fun.

Another hero I gained access to at this point was Monica, she gave me one of the final keys necessary to fully break the game. Smash as an art. Usable in chain attacks. After this I just managed to break the game.

But yeah, the Cadensia region it’s pretty cool, lots of water so yeah there’s that. We need a boat. Like stated earlier, I dislike the boat controls, but I do love the overhaul that this game has made to water based combat by actually allowing the player to fight while submerged in water. But yeah, the Cadensia region, being one of the largest single maps in the entire game is fucking enormous and imma be real I like it. It feels nicely balanced between the marshes of the great sword base and the large open Erythia sea with its many islands. Only real issue I have is that some islands are a pain to navigate, e.g., Daedal Isle. But overall Cadensia cool, also I like the upgraded ship theme, but the original ship theme is better.

I do enjoy the steps involved in getting to the Li Garte Prison Camp and I like that it is not as easy as 1 2 3 boom completed. Such as infiltrating the radar base and having to attain some more geological data.

While drifting, maybe at night and while being carried by the waves, one may encounter an island where one can see the mighty colony 15 stride across. I like the pirate theming of colony 15 it feels different from the other colonies, although this has to do with the dementia grandpa that’s T(riton). I like how this quest shows the playful and childlike nature of Moebius from the perspective of the one good consul who is so old that he has grown past his murderous and childlike glee and is now just looking for equals. And I really like how T chooses to aid Ouroboros despite them being natural enemies. I’m even more confused as to why Z allows him to still use his powers, although that’s likely explained by him making that so because it amuses him. Anyways I like t and I prefer his create your own op class mechanic over the complicated tiger tiger addiction inducing mess that is Poppi qtπ, even though I do have my own minor gripes with the skill upgrading system, more specifically the borderline ludicrous requirements to fully level every art and skill. I also, however, love the fact that Eunie has to ask permission to punch him and the fact that Noah grants it.

The other colony with an unusual moebius would be colony Mu, I do love the minor mystery revolving round the identity of the consul and where the flame clock is placed. Also, I love mu’s Ferronis design and how it harkens to Raijin, I think? But yeah, I like mu and Fiona’s class is also broken as fuck. Also, mu contains the best NPC Nico, who is the girl that I am referring to in this sentence yup that is her Nico, she’s cute. Or well one of the cuter characters in the game. Just like Fiona. I like how her entire story is revolved around both: oh god Irma’s the consul and oh god how will I deal with the fact that Irma is dead. Also, if I’ve read it right there are also some self worth issues involved? I’m going to be frank I don’t have a really good grasp on her character, I like her dynamic with Lanz however it Is very cute, just like her nicknames.

Also this is where the first side stories and ascension quests really start opening up, I think at least with the ascension quests, which I am going to cover, not going to deal with the ascension quests, because I only completed like 4 of them and I can quickly summarize my views on them I think.

Ethel: see Cammuravi.

Valdi: I remember thinking it was fun but am also somewhat confused as to why they didn’t make the completion of Dorin the ascension.

Zeon: Spongy spuds. That is all.

Teach: I like the reveal of his past as Oleg and it recontextualizes his speech about maelstroms of power.

Riku & Manana: Manana gets a better pot, I mainly remember it because you need to complete it for the 7 legendary Smithpon.

Gray: like how this quest shows more examples of dissent in the city, the role that gray plays in keeping the peace and his bond with his wife Rozana.

Alexandria: I like how this entire quest is about the secrets that Dame Alex has while also adding some complexity to the mix.

Ino: This quest Is just sheer Nopon hilarity, and I love the Xenoblade 2 callback, also as an aside I am highly disappointed that it wasn’t a red pollen orb. I was actively saddened by this, and this impacted my day very negatively.

Isurd: I like his quest also I feel it is interesting how the entire quest is basically Karōshi prevention. Dude needs some hot springs.

Juniper: I like how this quest deals with the manipulation of the consul of the colony. Also, I like Juniper. Hope Kite at least has the chance with them.

Ashera: Depression hidden behind a layer of suicidal aggression. One of the beset side quests for one of the best heroes imo.

Monica: That one dude is a Milf hunter, and I appreciate his dedication.

Masha: I like how this gives more insight into the somewhat more depressing lives of the lost numbers and their desire to be remembered or leave memories behind.

Fiona: This one deals with the secrets of Irma and how Fiona struggles to reconcile with them I like it.

Triton: dementia grandpa has dementia, it is not funny, it actually is kind of funny, but also just somewhat sad. However also “…Just one.”

Ghondor: this one’s ok, not much to it. I do like the Tirkins, I actually really like how this game tries to humanize the Tirkins way more.

Miyabi: cooking. It is fun. Nothing to add really. Oh yeah finding the ingredients is a pain if I remembered it correctly.

Cammuravi: this is not a quest, this is 4-5 cutscenes stitched together.

Segiri: I don’t remember too much from this one, but I am sad that you have to kill her sister.

But leaving those behind we get to the first side stories.

Eunie is an interesting inspection of the system of colony ranks and gives more insight into how much the system is rigged to kill the soldiers in Aionios and allow the Moebius to harvest their life. I also like how the game uses this quest to follow up on Eunie finding her own husk on the ruins of that battlefield, and also explains as to why that happened. But yeah, this one’s cool and I also like that it gives a part of the spotlight to Brolearis. What I don’t get however is why the spark is this required to fight X in origin. Like seriously why? That does not make any goddamn sense. Monolithsoft, I love the games that you develop but its choices like this which keep me up at night.

Lanz his side story is also excellent in that it allows him to deal with the demons of his past while also foreshadowing the clock fuckery that Y commits later I the game. I also feel like it is an excellent showcase of his character growth up until this point, with him realizing that there’s more to life than just fighting.

The Li Garte Prison Camp section and Ghondor. I do like this section and feel that it is interesting in how it uses frustrating and repetitive quests to keep the player in a constant state of numbness and boredom in order to simulate the experience of being imprisoned there. As for Ghondor I wonder could you call the quests surrounding the camp her hero quest by technicality because you get her after completing the quests. Idfk. But back to the topic I do like Ghondor. Yes, she’s a foul mouthed midget who could punch my lights out for saying that, but I do like her softer moments such as the fondness she has for her mother’s cooking and her friendship with sena and the way in which she forgives Shania. Yeah, she’s a little bastard, but I feel that her heart’s in the right place. Her class is ok, I don’t mind playing it, but I don’t agree with the talent art, due to me preferring spammy builds.

When it comes to the escape portion of the chapter, I do not think that I have words enough to describe just how perfect this entire piece is. The constant tension regarding M & N the mystery they present, the beautifully executed foreshadowing, the beautiful and amazing M remixes of the moebius themes, the beautiful choreography in one of the most impressive long takes I’ve seen in a game, and the sheer despair of the prison. The fact that the vocal song is used to display the sheer hopelessness of the situation and how almost everything Mio says takes on a double meaning when you realize that it is M speaking. The excruciatingly tearjerkingly beautiful tones of a life sent on blaring as M is coming home and the amazing voice acting from Harry McEntire. I cannot put into words just the sheer excellence of this sequence which once again brought tears to my eyes and left me distraught in ways I seldom experience. I have no funny jokes or quips here, just hats off to the sheer excellence of this section.

Chapter 6: Choices

I’ve also got nothing but praise for the beginning part of this chapter. The reveal of n’s past the fact that he destroyed the city to revive Mio, Future Redeemed makes it more complicated but sticking to the main game here, the turning of the tables, n’s breakdown, the battle against N, the unsheathing of lucky 7 leading to even more brokenness, the battle against the Agnian queen, the bait and switch with he city, Shania’s suicide, hopes rest the destruction of hope’s rest. Just wow I have so much good things to say about this part that I feel like I can’t even put it into words, so I’ll leave it to holy fuck this is impressive.

Captocorn peaks are ok in comparison to the peak of the other snow areas, Valak, Tantal, the black mountains Captocorn is ok, not excellent but ok. What I do like however is the hero quests that are found in this region. So, let’s talk about them.

First off let’s get going with Mio’s side story / the Miyabi fun hour. This infodumps the information that we could glance from the first Kevesi and Agnian ouroboros fusions, A Miyabi was once Mio’s friend, B Miyabi is dead. I also like the presence of Y in this quest and how the thing that beats him is the flutes. BECAUSE FLUTES RULE BABY, in this case at least. A thing that however confuses me is the fact that only at this point do they introduce the burst mechanic through a tutorial which is weird seeing as the player could have used burst way earlier in the game if they got Teach. But anyway, that’s besides the point, I also however like that this is another point I can add to the reincarnation cycle is imperfect agenda.

Cammuravi’s hero quest is somewhat interesting in how it is somewhat about the revival of Cammuravi and showcases the consequences of his resurrection. Also, him remembering Ethel, having his left eye damaged and still hurting from the self inflicted harm. Also, I really like his mantra and how he calms himself using it. Also, his fear of heights is extremely relatable.

But with those done I can now deal with the most complicated to access hero quest in the game which is of course Segiri’s inhumanity. While I do have to say that I love the fact that it is payoff from something that happened most likely 25 hours ago. But I do feel like however that the fact that it is so confusing to access is annoying, and dislike how it is so easy to miss this quest. Because of that This is the only, non postgame exclusive, hero quest I did in the postgame the first time around.

The entire Cloudkeep section is pretty good. I got emotional when drifting soul started playing, I was surprised by the fact that they actually had the balls to kill Nia so soon after she was reintroduced, I liked the final brawl with DJ, the first time we get to fight D and J separated, the conclusion to Joran’s tale and Lanz’s arc, the reveal / reminder that Nia’s a Flesh Eater blade and therefore unkillable except if her core’s damaged. While I do agree that the later parts of Xenoblade 3 are weaker than the earlier ones I still feel that this is as good as the earlier parts.

Chapter 7: Time Moves Again

The same can be said for chapter 7, except when it comes to the fetch quest, I fully agree that almost every part of the fetch quest is just not that great. Except, for the final part. Noah’s side story is an interesting look into Noah and Crys. What makes this side story so interesting is at least to me very interesting in how it approaches the fact that Crys became a moebius. What I find the most fascinating however is his disconnect from Moebius as a whole. Whereas most did it to venge on those who harmed them or to simply enjoy their new lease on life to the fullest, Crys choose to reincarnate because he wanted to meet Noah once again. And I love how in a sense Crys is just testing Noah to see if he’s right in his points. Or at least to hear his song once more. And I feel that that is interesting, especially with the implications that he’s so miserable in the cycle that he chooses to commit suicide either through self harm or by cop. Which is just wow. This is pretty interesting stuff.

And now the other side stories which I completed around this point of time. Taion’s side story is pretty good in how it follows up to the earlier mentions of Isurd wanting Taion to bury the watch of Nimue there. I also like how this shows how like colony Tau there can be nontraditional colonies even though this one’s only nontraditional due to the defunct flame clock. I also like how he uses his tactics to beat the moebius and I think that his choice not to reveal Nimue that he knew her at this point. Overall, a great side story.

And now we get to side story Sena Ghondor, sorry that was not a funny joke. But yeah, Sena’s side story is one of the shorter ones and one of the darkest I feel like in how it fully deals with the character of Shania her becoming S and the trauma that led to her becoming S. I think that Shania’s character truly is intriguing. Especially in how the emotional abuse committed by her mother leads to her breaking down and eventually betraying the city. I think that Shania truly is a fascinating character and I’m sad for her that she never really had anything that gave her even the remote possibility of a good upbringing, with a mother who’s like the nightmare tiger mom, Ghondor not having the best tact in trying to encourage her, and the fact that she gets brought back as a Moebius. This last part is truly depressing to me. The fact that Shania who joined the side of Moebius in order to have a chance to enter the eternal now as a soldier, to be able to have multiple shots at life, to be free from the shackles of expectation, becomes a creature imprisoned by even stricter constraints than her old life. I lowkey feel like her choice to assault the city was not one made to appease her new master Z, but one made because she knew that it would fail. What I’m implying here is then is that like multiple other characters in the story I feel like this is Shania attempting suicide by cop. And she succeeds. It also adds another point to my “the city is actually not such a great place” agenda which I will discuss later. Ultimately every single one of the side stories is interesting and fun in how it further explores the messed-up corners of the hellscape that calls itself Aionios.

The assault on Origin feels like, at least to me, a way better worked out version of what the assault on the life hold could have been, except in this case it is to destroy a place instead of defending it. But yeah, Origin is in a sense an even more over the top version of the Lifehold core. The aesthetic of the area the length, making it feel like a true journey to reach the core, and THE MUSIC. All combine to make origin at least to me the best final dungeon in this entire series. I will not elaborate on this further because I feel like I’ve already made my point as to why I feel this way.

The showdown with N in the prison of eternity is amazing. The removal of his Moebius title, the fact that one of the most beautiful battle themes is playing during this fight, the sheer beauty of Harry McEntire’s voice acting here and just wow. I fucking love this fight so much. The sheer beauty of it is just amazing. Really a shame that the chain attack theme interrupts it. Really wish we would’ve gotten that toggle, oh well.

The battles with X and Y are just there, I find it weird how you can just walk away from their dissolving corpses. They should’ve at least had a cutscene commemorating their defeat and death, or were they too inconsequential to receive one despite this being their final outing? I do not get it, these are the choices that befuddle me Monolith soft.

And now at the end I’m going to give some of my thoughts on Z and moebius. Maybe a hot take but Z is a great antagonist and the fact that they lack any depth and are uninteresting and shallow with their motivation and how they interact feels at least to me like a stroke of genius. Because they are not human, they do not have any motivations, they are just a blob of emotion, and what destroys them is not killing them but rather two moebius, two of his victims, creatures that are made as the fear of the unknown future manifest, choose to accept the unknown future and the unpredictability that it brings. And to be frank I love this. And just moebius in general what others may see as complaints I feel like are choices that have been made intentionally to showcase the sole facts of their existence. They are cruel, they only want to have fun, and they enjoy the fleeting pleasure of pursuing their ephemeral fun. Not planning for what comes ahead, just eternally living in the moment, unsustainably pursuing the pleasure of ending lives and the joy that comes with snuffing out flames. And that makes them, at least to me, just terrifying, at least when you think about it a bit. They are a group of man children who have been given near omnipotent powers by their demiurge leader, and all they do with it is torture and play with those they once may have considered as friends. Or to put it shortly “Absolute power corrupts Absolutely.” Also, as an aside I think that thematically they are a better demiurge than Zanza, might elaborate on this later down the line if I ever feel like it.

And now we get to the final battle. And in my opinion one of the most spectacular final bosses that this entire series has seen up until now. While yes alpha has an amazing fight, Lao Chimera is a brilliant horrifying design, Zanza, is iconic and the final duel with Malos at the end of Torna is just amazing with how it recontextualizes the chain attack mechanic. I do have to say that I prefer the showdown with Z. Their entire presence in the game Is just exquisite and amazing and I love how they don’t go down like a chump. Their fight is comparable to the final boss of p3 and like that boss I love it for how long it is. Because it makes achieving victory feel like a true test of both your skills and endurance while it also makes the fight more memorable. I love that when they are beaten in the first phase, they just become this abstract face and mess of emotions because that is cool and an interesting way to showcase their personification of fear, how they change their face to reflect facets of the protagonists, I love this fight. I, however, do agree that it is complete bullshit and that it is annoying that they can just one-shot you at certain times. Due to time constraints related to me writing this piece I eventually just used the bonus Exp I had accrued to boost myself by 10 levels and just gank them just to get done on time. It wasn’t that easy, but it still really alleviated the stress of the fight.

But that was Z the Omega to Alpha’s, uhm well Alpha. The end to this trilogy. And wow. I’m going to be frank here when I rewatched this entire ending section for the first time in a year just a few days ago I was just shocked at rewatching this beautiful piece. I love how Noah throws away lucky 7 figuratively declaring his intentions to never fight again, I love the reveal of that one picture, I cried when I saw Poppi emerge from the ether furnace, I feel like that was an ether furnace, and the beauty of where we belong. Which like many other things in this game is I feel like the best version in the entire series, in this case being the ending credits songs. Its just so hauntingly sad while also being so fucking heartwarming so filled with hope and so filled with sadness. I don’t have any words to fully describe the beauty of this ending. I just love it. God, I love this game.

And then the post credits scene comes along. Which is a great return to, and continuation of, the first cutscene and then the first hint that all will be alright. Which FR will eventually confirm. But that is not something we will discuss today. However now we will continue to.

Chapter EX: assorted thoughts.

As I’ve hopefully already made clear in this piece, I really fucking love this game. I have a few issues, but I still feel like it is one of the best experiences I’ve ever had while playing a game. I do also have a final headcanon and some small insights to make which I here now wish to share.

First off you may have noticed that I have avoided saying certain things relating to Z namely I feel like Z has no gender, which is due to a certain hypothesis I have let me explain. First off X Y and Z feel like mirrors to the trinity processor units. The idea here is that because Z was the first, they based themselves on data they could find and what was the architecture of origin based around: The Ontos core. Ontos was meant as the balance between Pneuma and Logos, therefore Ontos has no gender, thus I feel like if Z did indeed base themselves on Ontos that they would also not have any possible gender. Then in that same sense X and Y could be based on the idea that Ontos was meant as a mediator between Pneuma and Logos and thus they created X and Y two moebius that while not acting as the balance to, do feel like polar opposites, one seeming to be a young girl who enjoys fighting, the other being an older man who talks in almost Miltonian cadence and style. There’s also what the TV tropes page puts on their page which could, at least in my opinion, strengthen these parallels between the trinity processor and the true moebius, which I will quote here.

“Suspiciously Similar Substitute: The original three Moebius, being born from Origin itself, share similarities to the three Cores forming the Trinity Processor that powers the Conduit:

X is one to Pneuma, a.k.a. Mythra. The two of them have the personalities of Bratty Teenage Daughters, serve as a foil towards whoever they're working alongside, be it Rex or Shania, and of their trios, the two perform the most direct work in the frontlines, whereas the rest of their trio take more of a backseat.

Y is one to Logos, a.k.a. Malos. Both are incredibly hammy villains, rely on technology to get their jobs done for them, and cause the most direct damage to their respective worlds of Alrest and Aionios, especially when compared to the people they directly work for.

Z is one to Ontos, a.k.a. Alvis. Although Z isn't actually a god like Alvis is, they were both the central Cores of the devices that created them, have absolute control over their worlds without anyone but their closest subordinates realizing it, and often get people to work for them simply by having conversations with them.”

And now for some overall points about the game.

This game has some of the best combat in the series, only being surpassed by Future Redeemed which is also amazing but I also feel like simplifies the combat too much, I do prefer the bond points system to the soul points or level based unlocks of the main game.

This game’s Ost is just amazing. I have many songs I really enjoy but I feel like every song with the moebius leitmotif, not counting the moebius battle themes because those are on another level entirely, almost automatically becomes one of my favorites due to how creatively and just great each variation is. If I had to rank my 5* (*way more than 5) favorite songs they would prolly be 1: moebius battle (all variations) 2: all songs containing the Moebius leitmotif, 3: carrying the weight of life, 4: the false queens, and 5: Kevesi battle.

The eclipse homecoming is one of the most well executed scenes of pure fucking despair I’ve ever seen in a game.

The art style and world are just amazing, and it truly feels large, in a sense even larger than X at least to me, that game feels kind of small after obtaining a Skell.

The challenge mode is ok and while I haven’t played too much of the gauntlet mode, I do feel like it could be pretty fun.

Also, as a final aside I like the detail of filth and grime buildup on clothes which can both be erased through washing your clothes and through swimming in water, but I also like that certain regions have higher buildup of dust and resin and such. This is way too detailed for a game like this and I love it, I mean by this that this is an amount of detail that you normally don’t see in JRPGs.

And I feel like that’s all there is to say about Xenoblade 3, within the constraints of having written this in 3 days due to my own issues with managing my time and having to compromise on my original vision in which I would have attempted a 100% playthrough. But yeah, I hope that if you did read this entire almost 12000 words long piece you at least enjoyed it. This is the first time I’ve actually written such a piece, and also the longest piece I’ve ever written, and the first time I’m posting something on this platform. But I hope that you’ve enjoyed reading this. Also, if I’m allowed a minor bit of shameless self promotion, I’ve also uploaded a fanfic today to celebrate the 1 year anniversary of the game which you can find here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/48958873. You don’t have to read it, but you could. Anyways thank you for reading and have a wonderful day.

#xenoblade 3 #xenoblade chronicles 3 #xenoblade chronicles

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miniimapp · 1 year

Text

4*TOWN On Social Media

Gen ;; Crack - Headcanons

Warnings ;; none

Proofread + Edited ;; HA.

Auth. Note ;; WELCOME TO DAY 15 OF THE 4*TOWN CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN !! Bet y'all didn't think I'd actually last this long because I know I didn't lmao

Enjoy !! <3

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Aaron T - An Absolute Troll

Literally everyone saw this coming

Just because it's so true lmao

The biggest shitposter you've ever seen

Will post anything, anytime, anywhere

He posts how he talks,,

with not brain to mouth/text filter

T really likes social media though

I feel like he'd try to get himself cancelled

But like,, for a fun thing yknow

And as a joke

His audience literally would too,, they'd bring up a post from before the band where he talked about how he didn't like a movie or something

Probably Annie,, I have a feeling T has a passionate hatred for the original Annie movie for no apparent reason

Anyways,, he posted a hate post on it, fans found it and then #aarontisoverparty started trending out of nowhere

AND HE LOVED IT !!

When T's not shitposting he posts almost exclusively Britney Spears fanposts

I have a feeling that he actually worships the ground she walks on

Mainly T just gives the people what they want

That includes homemade memes

Straight of his little noggin

Maaann,, if there's just one thing T could choose to be proud of in his life it's his meme collection

At least 1 every day

Mans has a literal queue of daily memes lined up months in advance

Jesse - Internet Grandpa

Jesse doesn't understand memes or internet slang

The boys (read: T) find this hilarious

Is it as bad as everyone, including myself, makes it out to be ?? No, of course not

But is it more fun to call Jesse old and watch him struggle ?? Yes !!

Jesse's actually quite proficient with technology which is always a surprise to people and Jesse loathes it

The amount of times people have been shocked and praised Jesse when he's gotten even the simplest computer thing right is astronomical

The boys love this because it's one of the only times Jesse swears

He doesn't post often but when he does it's absolutely golden

At some point Jesse decided if he can't beat them, he'll join them

And so he made it his bit to post purposely terrible selfies with the boys and the most formal captions ever publicly

On the internet

For the world to see

And he doesn't regret it

Not one bit..

He especially loves it when T and Tae openly mock him and reply to his posts on their accounts

Who doesn't love a good ol' quote tweet amirite ??

But yeah, when he actually posts seriously it's all promotional

For the most part he's just Grandad style pictures and terrible dad jokes

Omg Jesse's dad jokes literally trend every time he posts one

No one knows why, or how, but Jesse likes to rub it in the other's faces that he went viral before them and multiple times too

Aaron Z - Offline For the Foreseeable Future

This man never posts

I am telling you,, he never posts

Z might post promotional a story when he's bothered about it for weeks upon weeks but a proper post ?? Not a chance

No one knows why

There are actually some conspiracy theories behind it

Some people believe that he's actually a robot which is why he's so stoic in interviews and never posts

Z and T have a good laugh whenever they find a new Z conspiracy

Thing is,, Z has a private account under a different name

And that account is UNHINGED

The range of posts goes from like,, one word to a whole ass novel

Z just posts what he feels

His page's energy is that of T's but mildly calmer

Calm chaos if you will

Z's priv account is also a conspiracy theory, except everyone thinks it's a fan account or a furry account or something

I feel like Z just loves the confusion of posting random pictures on his public story with the only caption being "iykyk"

Everyone starts freaking out like,, wHaT !?!? WhO knOWs wHAt hE's oN abOuT !?!?

Then he'll start laughing about it on his private account

Hannah Montana style fr

He always gets the posting question in interviews

His answer is the same every. single. time.

"Don't wanna post, so I don't post."

He's getting fed up with questions about his posting habits fr, let Z live

Robaire - The Only Professional One

Only ever completely professional band stuff

Pictures of the guys and a caption saying "Stay tuned.. 🎶"

The BIGGEST promotional tease under the sun istg

None can escape Robaire's professionalism

He sends 4*townies into the biggest panics

He will get 4*TOWN trending within 5 minutes over an ambiguous caption and if that isn't promotion idk wtf is

He also reposts fan works,, whether it be covers of their songs or fan art or writing

Robaire loves that stuff,, he loves that people feel able to use them to express their own creativity

He wants to encourage that creativity and see it prosper

Another thing Ro will do is host qna's

He'll send out a post asking for questions

He always replies to ask many as possible but sometimes the amount of replies is just too much

Robaire likes seeing what people think of him and the band

A fair few questions are about how the band started out and he loves answering those questions the most

They're probably his favourite kind

Ro just finds it so cool that people now come to him for advice on how to start out as a musician

People just like who he used to be

The interactions, the real, organic, non-set up ones are what Ro loves about social media

He can connect with the 4*townies in a way he never could before

That connection means everything to him

Tae Young - Online Gremlin

Like Robaire,, Tae also sends 4*townies into frenzies over promotional content..

Unlike him, however, Tae Young posts unapproved spoilers to his account

He literally is the leak

The mindset is to leak the stuff before anyone else can so at least they're in control

He doesn't leak anything professional either,, only short acoustic snippets or lyric run-throughs

Kind of smart ig

Ish..

But as I've mentioned before, Tae takes loads of mugs of the other members

And where else would he post them but on his public feed ??

The guys hate him, the 4*townies love him

And hey, fair's fair, Tae will post unflattering pics of himself too

But everyone knows it's a good day when Tae posts because chances are he'll have some more meme-worthy content of the boys ready to be edited to hell and back

Sometimes Tae will repost the other members posts with hate comments

Any post of Jesse's is getting riddled with "old" immediately

He loves to do those fairy comments too, only to the other members though

Tae is probably the most interactive with fans tbh

Even more than Robaire

He'll just starts conversations with 4*townies in the comments, sometimes it's weird drama, sometimes it's a very thorough analysis of a Shakespearean play

If anyone thought T and Z were chaotic they are not ready for Tae Young and his page of horrors

Literally the most all over the place page out of everyone

But arguably the most entertaining page also

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Hope you enjoyed !! <3

#4town christmas countdown #4town #4town headcanons #4town tae young #4town jesse #4town robaire #4town aaron t #4town aaron z

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totally-original-artist · 2 years

Text

"Trust me"

Characters: gn!MC x Mammon

Content: angst, fluff, a bit of crack at the end for funsies

Summary: Mammon and his fear

Mammon always claims to be brave, saying how he’s not scared of anything. He’s constantly bragging how great he is, but you know very well that he fears a lot of things. Lucifer, Cerberus, and most definitely horror movies. Every time he’d see something even mildly scary or feel uneasy, it doesn’t take long for the demon to start screaming or trying to press up against the nearest person for comfort(despite being a demon himself). Of course if you point these things out to him, he’s going to deny every last bit. He’d even go as far as to claim there was real danger so as to justify his fearful behavior.

You were an exception. Mammon was open about his fear to you, not at first though. It took a lot of coaxing and promises to not tell his brothers or tease him for him to finally admit it.

Today, as usual, Levi and Mammon had been fighting over something trivial. Somewhere in between the younger had accused the other of being a ‘scaredy cat’ and of course Mammon was adamant on denying it. So in turn, Levi challenged him to watch a horror movie and tell him the plot the next day. Mammon agreed, boasting about how he’d memorize every single detail about the film.

Of course, this attitude didn’t last long. As soon as you retreat to your room for the evening, you hear a hard knock followed by someone twisting your doorknob and silently cursing once realizing that it’s locked. Oh gee, I wonder who it is.

“Oi! Open up!” You sigh hearing the familiar snarky voice demand. Reluctantly you let him in. At any other time you’d be more than happy to converse with Mammon, but you were tired, it was late, and top of that you had an assignment due this weekend which still needed some tweaking. Knowing the demon, you’d be distracted for more than an hour and would probably not get anything done.

Walking in like it’s his own room, Mammon plops down on your bed with his laptop. You wait for him to explain himself but he never does, seemingly too engrossed in typing away at something.

“Mamm-” You don’t even manage to say his name fully before you’re rudely interrupted.

“OK! I got it!” Flashing a triumphant smile he looks at you with determination. “You can sit on my lap if ya want.” He says with a smirk. You sigh almost on instinct.

You always found it hard to say no to Mammon, and today was no exception, and you had a suspicious feeling he might be aware of this. Settling on the bed next to him, you rest your back on the headboard and lean into him. Mammon shuffles closer to you as well, his shoulders pressed against yours feel warm and your closeness instantly puts you in a better mood. It’s almost like he was a walking blanket.

On that thought, you place a hand over his shoulder and pull him closer, resting your head on his and Mammon instantly freezes.

“I-I guess you’re scared too huh..? It’s f-fine tho…yea!” It never ceased to amuse you how he instantly became a stuttering mess at your smallest touch.

Mammon grabs a pillow from nearby and places the laptop on it before pressing play, and lo and behold, just as you had guessed, it was the horror movie Levi and him were arguing over this morning.

~~~~~

Twenty minutes in and it becomes clear to you that this was a cheap film. The plot itself didn’t interest you one bit and there wasn’t anything inherently horrifying about the ghosts and other monsters shown. There were just numerous jumpscares that had Mammon yelping and holding onto you for his dear life. The poor demon had gotten hold of your free hand and had been sweating bullets ever since the movie started. Your palm felt a little too uncomfortable covered in all his sweat but you didn’t want to disturb Mammon so you held on.

“Oh no its coming its comin i see it its-” Just then, a mummified body with an unhinged jaw pops up on screen, covered in obviously fake blood and making loud gurgling sounds. Mammon made a noise so loud you were afraid he may have alerted the rest of the house. Just as you’re about to make a snarky remark you turn to see that he’s…crying? Your heart instantly drops to your stomach.

Mammon has his head hanging low, gripping your arm with enough strength that it hurt. Eyes shut tight and teeth clenched shut, he shook a little as he tried to control his breathing. You close the laptop and toss it to the side.

“Mammon, it’s OK, I’m here.” You tried your best to comfort him while his hold on your arm didn’t falter one bit. “It’s going to be alright Mams, I turned it off, we can-” Immediately he snaps his head up to look at you in frustration.

“Huh? WHAT? Why???” His eyes fall to your arm and he pulls his hand back in embarrassment. “Guh, woa hhh, uh. We still have 2 hour left right? C-can’t go back no-now!” Despite his best efforts to sound confident, it was obvious this was taking a toll on him.

“Mammon.” You push the laptop away but he just huffs and goes for it again. You see no other choice so you take both his hands in yours and hold him in place. “Mammon.”

“Fine!” He exclaims without missing a beat. “Go ahead! Laugh! Laugh all ya want! As if I care…” He looks away from you with a click of his tongue, and you had to admit it hurt a little, knowing that he didn’t trust you enough to not make fun of him at his lowest. Gently cupping his face in one hand you make him face you, and yet, he still avoided your gaze. So you lean in until your foreheads are touching.

Mammon goes still, giving you his full attention now, staring at you with wide eyes, lips slightly parted in shock. Oh you could just move a little closer and steal a kiss, but you held onto the thought for later.

“I’m not going to laugh Mammon…” This whole scenario only happened due to a stupid argument, but you knew Mammon wouldn’t let it go so easily. “I’ll watch it, by myself.” You offer. “Then I’ll tell you what happens, so,” Pulling back you place a small peck to his forehead. “Just go to bed, trust me, don't worry.” He continues staring at you in shock, should’ve gone for the lips. But it doesn’t take long for him to snap out of it. You watch with a small smile at how bashful he behaved in your presence, you regret not having gone for his lips even more now.

“Then…let me stay…?” He asks, less of a demand and more of a question and you couldn’t help but chuckle at how unsure he sounded, a complete 180 from before. “S-So that I know you actually watched it! Ya’know? Ca-can’t have you just uh, searchin’ it up or something haha.”

And so, you had the Avatar of Greed sleeping beside you while you watched the horror movie with earphones in. He watched along with you for a bit while peeking from under your blanket, but ultimately opted to give in to sleep instead. The brightness from the screen illuminated his face in an eerily beautiful way and you found yourself distracted a bit too often. So much so that you decided to move to your desk after making sure he was truly asleep.

This may have been an unnecessary task, but if it made Mammon happy? It was worth every second of your time.

~~~~~

“HAAAAAA????” The first thing you hear upon waking up is Levi and Mammon going at it again. Except this time, Levi seemed to be on the losing side.

“Told ya didn’t I? Now pay up!” Pay?

“Hold on…there was money involved?” Mammon nods, a coy smile plastered to his face as Levi hands him the promised grimm, all the while grumbling under his breath.

“I’m surprised he actually managed to watch it, you sure you didn’t just search it up, Mammon?” Asmo chimed in. The demon in question just scoffed.

“Nah, no way, the movie got really bad reviews so there’s not much on the internet about it. Can’t believe Mammon of all people manage to…” Looked like Levi was still sulking over his grimm, what he said wasn't wrong either. You had tried your best to search up a summary of the movie last night as a last ditch effort after all. Well, at the end of the day, you supposed all that mattered was that no one got hurt.

“MC…?” Satan looks at you with concern in his eyes. “Didn’t you say you were going to sleep a little early yesterday? You look like you haven’t slept at all.”

“Ah, right. I had to watch- uh. Um…” You realize your slipup a little too late, Mammon looks at you nervously, fear starting to show on his face.

“Hm? Why are you two looking at eac-” Asmo pauses, and you could practically watch the gears turn in their heads.

“Watch…what?” Levi asked in an accusing tone. You curse under your breath, covering your mouth in embarrassment and hoping they’d let it slide. They did not.

“MAAAMOOOOOONNN!”

Author's note: Yay a long fic, that's one draft done *checks scribbled writing on hand* 10 more to go...

#obey me #obey me x mc #obey me x reader #obey me x gn!mc #obey me x gn!reader #obey me fluff #obey me angst #obey me crack #mammon x gn!mc #mammon x gn!reader #obey me mammon #gn!mc #gn!reader #obey me mammon fluff #obey me mammon angst

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elliebear666 · 1 year

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Letter From My Child-Self

So, to preface, my therapist gave me homework months and months ago. I have rarely ever done the homework not because I didn't care or didn't want to, but because I kept forgetting... finally, months later, I got around to doing this. I'm... a little nervous to share this because it is an extremely vulnerable part of me. But... I figure, idk, I want to document it. And? If anyone out there reads this and finds something positive from it? That's amazing. This is dark, and heartbreaking, and mildly unhinged. But I think it is important that I was as open and honest as possible! I'll show this to my therapist next session!

Hey, Ellie.

It's me, Mattie.

We haven't talked in a while. I kind of miss when we used to talk a few years ago when Matthew first let you come out. We were all really scared that people would hurt you so we hid you so no one would. But we all got to spend time together. I wish we could have talked more but you needed to grow up I guess.

I think you're becoming a pretty cool lady. You're nice and you care a lot about people. You love your family and your friends a lot, even if you don't see your friends that much right now. I don't think you're doing as bad as you think you are. You really are mean to yourself and Matthew and I wish you would stop. We all worked so hard to protect you but now you're hurting yourself. It makes me sad that you feel so bad that you hurt yourself. But I understand because I also feel bad a lot. I pray a lot for things to get better but they never really do. I'm glad you don't have to deal with it all anymore though. I'm glad you're finally the person you are. I know it was super hard to live the way you were. I understand a lot more than anyone thinks I guess.

I guess I'm sad a bit because you really want someone to love you, but for so long you didn't really love yourself. So people could tell and it made them feel bad for you, but it didn't really make them want to love you in a relationship or whatever? It's really hard for people to love someone that doesn't like themselves as well as trying to love themselves. But I also know you really love people. I know you really loved your ex girlfriend. I'm sad that it got so bad though. I know you wanted to marry her and you never wanted that with someone else before so you must have loved her a lot. I hope I find someone I love that much one day. I think about getting married a lot sometimes but I think about being the girl and not the boy. I don't want to be a boy. Mom says I am and everyone says I am but I don't feel that way I just don't say anything to anybody. I tell people on the internet that I'm a girl and it makes me happy so I'll just keep doing that. I guess you understand what that's like more than anyone.

I think that you should try to get better. Not so you can do stuff other people think you should but so you can be happier. I know you want to be normal and do normal people stuff. I bet it's hard to deal with all the stuff you do. The people that made fun of you for how hard it is probably don't like themselves I guess. So I probably wouldn't listen to them much.

I'm super glad that you're being you though. I used to dream about flying away, and I'd day dream about being a girl but I'm embarrassed and I don't know what to say. I told dad that I wanted to do a movie where I'm a girl and I have the blonde wig and green dress and I'm the main character for once but I don't think he will because he only does what he wants to do and gets mad if we don't do it too.

I think you shouldn't give up on your dreams either! You're getting good at writing I think. It's hard to tell because you use some words that I haven't heard yet but I probably will eventually. The stuff you write seems really sad though and it makes me feel sad for you. I hope you follow your dreams and meet someone you love and live a happy life!

I was also thinking… it would be good for you to remember some things. Your girlfriend was really mean after you guys broke up but you were pretty bad too, maybe worse I guess. I know you feel super bad because you keep hitting yourself and hurting yourself with fire and it worries everybody. What I wanted you to remember, because those people were lying to you or about you and saying you weren't who you were, I want you to remember when we were on the computer at the trailer doing that learning game about I think it was the wild west. But one of the things you could click on was an old time dress, and we'd keep clicking it to see the woman in the dress. Do you remember how it made you feel? You wanted to wear her dress and be her. You thought it was pretty and wished you could wear something like that but we both knew mom and dad wouldn't let you and people might hurt you or mom and dad. I also want you to remember us telling people I was a girl that had parents with ponies. I know how much you and I liked horses. We liked dinosaurs and frogs and turtles too, but we really wished we could have a pony. I'm kind of sad we never did get one. I still think about it.

I know you used to have a lot of nightmares about stuff. Like about dad hitting mom and us kids. How scary he was when he got angry. We were all so scared all the time. I guess we haven't had much time to be kids. We do but also we don't I guess. It makes me sad. I know one of the things you can't forget is the time me, you, and your brothers were standing in the living room crying because dad was screaming at mom and she was crying and he pushed her and grabbed her hair and pulled her into their room. She screamed while he was pulling her and she screamed a lot once the door closed. He was hitting her and she was crying and we were so scared but we couldn't do anything. We were just kids. Or all the times I was crying so dad hit me or yelled or threw things at me. I don't know why he doesn't like me crying or being emotional. He's really awful and we all hate him, but we are more scared of him.

I also think a lot about the time we were at Jenny Wiley park at the lake and mom was going home to do some stuff but it looked like it was going to start raining but dad decided to swim across the lake for some reason and he left us there on the beach while people drank beer and were loud. I felt upset and scared, but I tried not to show it. I guess I feel like that's what he always does. He leaves and doesn't seem to care about us. He's not kind. One time, mom broke her foot because Jack's leash got wrapped around her ankle and she fell. But dad was yelling at her and telling her to stop crying because people would hear her. I was really upset because I knew she was hurt. But he didn't care or seem to notice she was really hurt. I don't know why. He doesn't seem to care or notice when we are hurt and if we cry or are loud he gets mad and yells and sometimes he gets into fights with mom about it. It's scary.

I also know you remember the stuff your older brother did to you. He was really awful. Older brothers are supposed to protect their siblings, especially their little sisters, but he didn't. He hurt us a lot. He's really mean and he keeps killing animals and they scream and he doesn't seem to care. I cry, but he just pushes me to do stuff I don't want to do so I do it anyway. One time he saw a big turtle, like a really big one! And I saw it because I loved turtles and I was going up to look at it and he picked up a big rock and smashed the turtle with it. It twitched some and there was blood everywhere and I cried a lot but he laughed at first then told me not to cry or tell mom so I didn't. I never tell mom or dad about the stuff he does. I want to but I don't. I don't really know why. He keeps hitting the dogs too and he's really scary sometimes. He also pees on my face in the shower but mom thinks he's just being silly but it doesn't feel that way. We do other stuff too, where I get to be a girl. I almost want to tell him that I am, or want to be, or something I guess. But I don't. Instead, I get to be the wife when I lay on top of him in his room and I really like that. We don't do a lot, we touch each other and stuff, but it makes me happy that I get to be a girl. I wish I could always be a girl but I guess I'm a boy. Mom keeps cutting my hair and I cry because I want long hair but she says I have to cut it or I'll get ticks. She says I look handsome but I'm just upset. The other girls in the park don't cut their hair during summer. Why do I have to? I don't really feel like a boy but I also don't know how to talk about my feelings and stuff. I don't really understand all of it. Mom and dad don't talk to me about that really so I mostly just keep stuff to myself.

I know you remember all this stuff. I wish I could have long blonde hair. I actually had a dream that I was a girl with really long curly red hair and I was on a cliffside with a Lassie dog and the grass was really tall. In the dream I look over the ocean and I feel good. But something is also not right? I think in the dream I'm sad and I don't know why. I have this dream a lot. A lot a lot I guess, where I'm this girl with her dog.

I guess that I learned some stuff from all of this at least. We get homeschooled so mom doesn't let us go outside until after the other kids get home from school. I learned a lot from her, but I also forget stuff a lot and she gets upset with me because I forget stuff so much. She said I would lose my head if it wasn't screwed on. I guess I just don't pay attention a lot. I'm daydreaming or thinking and I just don't remember what I'm doing or why. I lose stuff a lot too and I really hate cleaning my room because it is super hard. I end up taking forever because I try to play with or get distracted by a toy or something I find and forget where I was at in cleaning and it is really hard to make myself do it so I cry and mom and dad yell at me. Sometimes they help me.

I think you should work more on trying not to forget stuff because you'll end up getting in trouble a lot. I know you used to think about being a girl a lot, but just like me you didn't know what to say so you just told people you're a girl on the internet and it made you happy. I also know you dated that guy when you were thirteen or so and he was about sixteen but you told him you were 16. He was the same age as your older brother but his name was Tony. You really had feelings for him but you used pictures of girls that you weren't and you were upset that you couldn't be her. You wanted to be her so much you were really sad. That's why you make all your game characters girls. You liked the name Sarah a lot and I understand. It's a really pretty name. You ended up telling Tony the truth but it broke your heart. I remember you were so hurt and you cried and were upset when you and him got xbox together and your friends called him your butt buddy. You didn't know what to say but it hurt your feelings because you weren't a guy, really. Even if you had guy parts.

It's sad all this stuff that happened but you at least learned who you didn't want to be. Dad was awful and you learned how to care about people. But it was hard for you because you feel a lot and you don't know what to do with those big feelings. I don't either but dad doesn't like it when I cry so I try not to. I guess you at least know that if you're ever a mom you will treat your kids better. And, I wish you would stop telling people you're a normal girl? You're a girl but you're not a normal girl, I guess. I know it makes you so sad that you cry a lot and hurt yourself. I know you cry a lot because you can't have babies. That's really sad and I wish it was different but it isn't I guess. You know who you are at least. Even if it took a long time to be you. You're doing it now and I'm proud of you.

I talked a lot about bad stuff, but I also want you to remember good stuff that happened! Like when we went to Ripley's Believe It Or Not! Like two of them I think! And the zoo's and the theme parks! Like Dollywood! Or that night where you and your older brother crawled under the neighbor's trailer during a big storm to save those baby puppies that were under the trailer! We felt so good that we'd saved the puppies. Or, do you remember when we first started playing Final Fantasy 8 on the playstation? I know you loved that game a lot! It had romance and you wanted to be Rinoa. You watched the intro a lot and took the instruction booklet with you and asked mom if you could listen to Breathless from the Corr's on the portable CD player. You listened to it again and again while you thought about being Rinoa. I remember it made you happy. She was so pretty and you wanted to be like her. Do you remember the first time someone called us "She"? I know I'll never forget! I was being a girl for one of dad's movies and I got to wear a wig and that green dress so I wore mom's shoes and I went outside because I wanted people to see I was a girl. I really wanted people to see me as a girl.

For the movie I had to get hit by a car for one scene, and I was lying in front of the car by the front wheel, and an old lady got super upset and pulled over and ran over to us and said, "Is she okay!?" And I know it made me feel so good. That someone called me she? They saw me as a girl? I knew then even more that I wanted to be treated that way. I wanted to be called "she" but I only could do it online when I talked to other people in gamespy lobbies and stuff. That was one of my biggest moments as a kid! I've never been able to forget it! I know you didn't either! I also remember how I used to record my voice with the stand up microphone and I'd change it so it sounded like a girl. It made me so happy! I know you did that a lot too, and didn't want to talk in games with people because you didn't sound like a girl. You thought a lot about voice changers but you couldn't find one that would work. Now you don't need one!

I guess now I said all that, I want to ask something from you, Ellie? Sorry I wrote a lot. I guess I had a lot to say. Ummm. I want you to start loving yourself more. And loving that you are who you are. Because *I*really, really want to be who *you* are. It makes me sad and hurt when you tell yourself you hate yourself because I know how much happier you are now that you're a girl. Though I guess you always were a girl, you just look more and sound more like one now too!

I wish too that… you would be safe for the nieces and nephews. Because I need a safe person I could tell anything. I don't really have anyone I can tell my secrets to. I wish I had you so I could tell you my secrets. I feel like you'd have taken me away. Even though mom and dad said they'd have me taken away or that I'd get taken if I told anyone what dad did. I feel like you would take really good care of me, even if you would forget stuff a lot. Because you can say "no"! I can't really. If I do, dad hits me and then sometimes hits mom.

Can you please stand up for us? And… Can you please not let people be bad to us anymore? Matthew can't protect us anymore. So you've got to. But I think you'd be a better mom than Matthew would have been a dad. He didn't want to be a dad. Or a brother or a son or husband. So he said he'd never have kids or get married.

Would you be willing to maybe… draw or paint with me sometimes? I like doing that a lot. We could paint cats or draw dragons and knights! I miss watching you and your old girlfriend paint. I wanted to play with her but I was scared and Matthew was always worried she would leave him. But she said she loved him a lot and called him "baby" and they kissed and laid together a lot so I think she did. I don't know though. I guess we all miss her.

Also um… can you please be more nice to everyone? I know Matthew was really sad and upset and he was hurting himself and wanted to die… he said that a lot. But you don't have to live like that anymore. I know you don't look how you should and you have to change your voice… but it makes me feel scared when you get mad at people. You get so mad and it reminds me of dad only… he didn't apologize. You do, though. I guess you should try not to do stuff you need to apologize for.

I guess the last thing is that… when you get a boyfriend or a girlfriend, would you maybe… be a kid sometimes with them? I won't come out. You'll just be little Ellie. But that's good enough for me. I guess I'm a little sad about how things are. I feel lonely and sad and I don't know what to do. I want friends, but I want to be friends with girls. But all the girls you could have been friends with you ended up liking. Or they stopped talking to you when they got boyfriends. I know how sad you were about that. It happened. A lot. You felt like I do about mom and dad and everyone I guess. Like they don't love me or want me. Like they'll leave me alone and I'll be alone. I don't want to be alone, Ellie. I don't like being alone...

I miss your ex girlfriend's friends sometimes. Not all of them. Some of them were mean. But it felt good to have girls to talk to. We both get really, really lonely. I wish I could have talked to them and told them things but I don't guess they cared. They were her friends not yours. You tried to be friends but… you did really bad stuff and then no one wanted to talk to you anymore.

Don't be like dad and your older brother. I know you're not but sometimes I feel like you forget that you've never been like them. We are so sensitive… and we feel so much. I get overwhelmed a lot. You do too. But I'd rather feel too much than not enough.

Ellie? I love you so much. I know you love me too and I wish that things were different for us. I wish we'd been born right but I guess it's just part of our story.

Sometimes I miss Matthew too. Not… that I want to be him but… he was my friend. And he was your friend too. I got so used to him being around that I miss having a guy like him in my life I guess. I guess you do too.

I wonder if his ex girlfriend experienced him the same way we did? He really loved people a lot but he was really hurting and sad and he was so angry and lost. I think he saw parts of you in her, Ellie. He saw someone like you. You saw parts of yourself through his eyes. And you wished you could be like her. I'm sorry stuff got bad. I know you wanted to be her friend, but you and Matthew loved her so much I don't think you could have ever been her friend because she would have other boyfriends and it would hurt you so much you'd cry. But you would have stayed because you loved her. So... I guess that's part of why you pushed her away. Because if you saw her kissing someone else it would make you want to die and it would hurt too much.

Please be good to yourself. We all love you so much and we are proud of how far you've come.

The last thing is… don't hate Matthew? He didn't act right. And he hurt people and was mean sometimes. But he always meant well. He really loved people. He just didn't love himself because he wasn't even real I guess. Don't hate him or blame yourself. He made mistakes. You made mistakes. But… all of those bad things he did, he wished every day he could take it back and make it right. He kept hurting people even though he didn't want to. I guess he was hurting so much that everyone around him ended up hurt too. Which is sad.

Matthew and I still love you so much and we will always be here if you want to talk. We know you're here for us too.

Thank you for being you, Ellie.

Love,

Mattie

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