godddddd wasting time and energy on things that don't fucking matter has got to be THE worst feeling

Y’know I get where y’all are coming from with some of your “friends don’t look at each other like that” posts but also. I do look at my friends like that. I’m aro but even if I wasn’t I don’t think that would force me into loving my friends less. I’m out here looking at these guys with the most besotted look on my face. My friends can talk about things that I have zero interest in on my own and I will be so happy to have the privilege of listening to this incredible person talk about the things they care about. And I’m sure I’m looking at them “like I’m in love with them” while I’m doing it. Or my friends who are a couple will be talking about something that they did together and I’m just like “I get to watch two of my favorite people interact! And they love each other so much!” so yeah of course I’m gonna have a sappy look on my face. Idk where I’m going with this I’m just aro and love my friends so much and honestly if you don’t look at your friends like you’re in love with them? Skill issue.

hopeless time loop. the way out isn’t to save everyone. the way out isn’t to save even one person. the way out isn’t to change anything. the way out is accepting how it happened the first time is how it always will be. that’s how you acted, that’s how they acted, that’s how you would have acted every time if you weren’t given the curse of hindsight. the way out is accepting you can’t fix the past; you can only forgive yourself for it.

I’m very into Iwanaga’s whole vibe. He’s an adult man who acts like one. He’s confident, experienced, bold, and honest. He met Miyata again and immediately asked him why tf he bailed on him, and made his interest in trying again known. He’s unbothered about his assistant’s crush because he’s been clear that it’s not happening. He brought Miyata home but waited for him to wake up and sober up before he tried talking to him again and made his move. He’s got an easy sensuality and he’s unashamed about who he is and what he likes. Fantastic character.

do any of my friends know the love I carry in every word i say to them. When I add too many words, drag on a joke that’s over, when I message them despite the fact the conversation barely ended five minutes ago? every word i speak is an intimacy that’s laced with outright adoration for them as people and all the little details that make them who they are. Do you know I love you? Do y’all know how much of you I try to commit to memory? How much I try to make you smile? do y’all know the love I feel for you?

having a big influx of followers in the middle of a big influx of bot accounts is so stressful i'm like pointing a gun at everybody in my notes like "SAY SOMETHING ONLY THE REAL NEW FOLLOWER WOULD SAY!!!!!!"

This morning, I unfollowed my third person in as many months for complaining about their ao3 engagement, and I regret nothing.

The moment I allow myself to start thinking about how many people are reading my work over how much joy I bring into a space, the quality of my writing goes down the drain. And seeing this kind of thing from people who I share a fandom with(thereby knowing the degree to which their last fic outpaced the sum total of my last three by hits) makes me a bit crazy. Because I don't want to be the kind of author who obsesses over status! I want to write stories I'm proud of, and that bring me joy. If someone out there likes them, that's great! But it can't be what drives me.(Notice how I'm really driving this point home for myself, because it is HARD not to fall into this trap and I am trying to do better.)

But I see people complain about the hits or the kudos or the comments, ESPECIALLY in relation to other authors(again, a callout for me specifically- I'm trying to do better!) We're not in competition with each other, babes. We're on the same team! We like the same show/movie/ship(s)! Just because you play tight end and I'm a kicker doesn't mean we aren't wearing the same jersey. By using stats as the marker for your success, you are wildly underselling the value of what you made. With nothing but a little inspiration, your imagination and likely a fair bit of caffeine, you created a story that is entirely your own. That is an incredible achievement on its own. Did one person tell you it meant something to them? I'm so glad you found each other. Two? How lucky you are to have been able to touch people's lives. Three feels like the sweet spot- perfect number for a virtual happy hour to scream in the group chat about headcanons.

Point being, I guess- you owe me nothing! If you want to read my fic and leave me a comment, I would love that. Comments and kudos and all of that do bring me joy. Don't want to comment? Totally fine! You owe me nothing. Don't want to read what I write? Also totally okay! You owe me nothing.

Now, here's what I owe to myself- the peace of mind that comes from not playing the comparison game, and protecting myself by not allowing in voices who are at odds with that aim.

(As a final note, if you want to complain about "cool in groups" in fandom I have excellent news: no one is cool! We're all a bunch on mangy nerds. Please say hi! Or don't! You owe me nothing.)

Just finished Blue Eye Samurai on Netflix and it was incredible.

Spoilers!!

The Art, the murder, Mizu's pure and unending rage, the fact that Taigen is our 2020's Li Shang - bi awakening and all (y'all this man gave us a sexually fraught wrestling match between two supposed men that ended with him getting a bona-fide boner from being pinned down by his freind/rival/enemy/childhood victim). The discussions that will spawn about race and gender, Mizu's self-loathing quest for revenge on the men who potentially brought her/them/him into a world that was always going to despise her/them/him for even existing. Akemi "I want to be great" in response to Taigen "I don't care about being great, I just want to be happy".

EPISODE 5!! THE ONRYŌ!! EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SHOW!!

But the thing that I'm obsessing over the most is that Mizu fucking burned Edo to the ground to kill Abijah, and then she/they/he didn't even fucking kill him! Hello? I know there's reasons and everything but still that city is burnt fucking dead and Mizu is just off on a boat to London with one of her three living potential fathers in the brig so she can better find the other two.

Also just "The biggest city in the world is burning to the ground as a blood sacrificeto your revenge. Your white half is showing." What a line Abijah you goddamn madlad.

I'm frothing at the mouth for season 2

Ayo!!! It's been a while since I've drawn utau (utmv?) stuff in a fully rendered style, so.... when I saw @itsxroxannex had a dtiys I had to shoot my shot!

Actually, I don't think I've ever done a dtyis before 👀 so this was really fun.

(Speedpaint and More Process Rambles beneath the cut ♡)

I... actually don't think I've ever drawn Passive!NM either tbh. This entire drawing was kinda like a personal challenge to myself, since I often lack w/ backgrounds too.

I did kinda a study on the originals background, because I tend to just draw characters w/o a solid background, and when I do add a background characters usually blend into it a lil too well to discern figures, so the color choices and soft loose lines compared to the hard lines + cell shading felt really nice.

I also decided to go back to Procreate for this one too! Normally I draw w/ Medibang these days, but I learned to draw utau stuff on Procreate and so drawing them elsewhere feels wrong.

And, of course, the last note I'll add in the actual post: my sketch process is trash lmao. Literally I just wing the shapes of clothes and junk based on the vibes and resize as needed. I love looking at the og sketch tho cuz it's so... bald. No under-form, no indicator of limbs, nothing.

This voting period really just feels like im watching a bunch of people force a gay man back in the closet

I know thats not people's intentions but literally how else is he going to take this guilty vote. "I just don't want him to think his lying was okay" he doesn't! And he's not going to think that! He's actively trying to stop lying! All guiltying him will do is tell him he should have kept lying and continuing his relationship!!

"I just want him to have some kind of consequence for what he's done" Was Hinako literally dying not enough??? Sure, he didn't love her, but he still LIKED her. They were friends, they lived together, he married her because he WANTED to love her! He is literally drowning in guilt because of her death, I think he's had enough consequences by now. He might not be wearing his ring anymore, but he still carries it with him, he is very clearly still grieving her death.

"Innocent votes have no effect on him" Yes they will!! It didn't do anything last time because we forgave him for the wrong reasons and because he absolutely hates himself. Assuming we're right about him being gay, which I'm pretty confident we are, having his 'true' self validated rather than his fake one will 100% have a bigger effect on him this time. Guiltying him will only make his self-hate worse and show him that only his false self is forgivable, so he should keep lying to be accepted.

I know most people's intentions are not to make him keep lying, but regardless of whatever intention you have, it doesn't matter how you want him to take it, you can not ignore how he will actually take it.

I was kinda expecting the "Lilia was in love with Meleanor," but then TWST went even further and hit us with the "he was also in love with Levan (more or less)" and the "of course he would learn to love Malleus, he was created by the only two people Lilia had already loved" and I feel insane???

also there's something about Lilia saying "I don't know what it is like to love someone" and then proceeding to demonstrate the extent of "on purpose, I will love you on purpose" with both Malleus (the son of those he loved) and Silver (the son of his enemy)

choosing to believe certified mama's boy jamie tartt hasn't bought his mum a new house because #1 stepdad simon has achieved the optimal baking environment in their current kitchen and asking him to move would be simply too distressing

A love letter to TsukuTabe

I loved the first season of this drama, but this second season (really more of a straightforward continuation of the first season narrative, which ended unfinished) is a remarkable glow up for an already strong show. These creators did not come to play, and they had a lot to say about the experiences of women living in patriarchal cultures.

This drama tackled so many experiences that afab people go through as they try to build a life for themselves under pressure to conform to societal norms. We have so many different lived experiences of women in this show, all of whom are queer by way of falling outside the lines of what is expected of them:

Nomoto, who experiences a queer awakening, wrestles with the specifics of her sexual identity, and bravely forges ahead despite feeling pressure from her family to marry a man and procreate

Kasuga, who breaks with her family's expectations that she be a caretaker and insists on living her own life, even if she knows the culture she lives in will sometimes make it hard

Yako, who owns her asexual and lesbian identities, proudly forges a life for herself, builds community for herself and others, and advocates for that community both publicly and privately

Nagumo, who struggles to connect with others because of her eating disorder and mental health struggles and lives a solitary existence as a result, but through building bonds with other women finds the strength to begin healing

Sayama, who pushes herself to date around because she feels pressure to live up to expectations to marry, before reconsidering whether that is a goal she actually has for her life and realizing she is happy being unmarried

Fujita, who struggles through years of an unhappy marriage in which she is subjugated to her husband's family before breaking free and pursuing a divorce so she can live happily on her own

It means a lot to me to see a show that cares so deeply about these women and their stories, that gives them so much space to explore and think and communicate their feelings. And they do it all so naturally, by allowing them to form bonds with one another and figure out who they are and what they want through their relationships with each other. This story is all about how we can grow through kindness and compassion from others, and how important it is to pay that support back in kind. It's such a beautiful and unique and desperately needed message in the current media landscape.

And there's more story yet to tell! I have no idea if they will get a third season, but I will be seated for as much of this story as the creators want to make. I would love to see them tackle Nomoto and Kasuga's life as a committed couple, their coming out to their families, and the ongoing lives of the community of queer women around them, which will only continue to broaden and deepen. Like What Did You Eat Yesterday? this show could go on and on forever, and I hope it does. I have so much gratitude for all the people involved in making this show, and to @furritsubs for translating the English subtitles so that international fans could also enjoy it. And if you're seeing this and haven't watched it yet, I am telling you, it is so worth your time.

Do you think that Cerberus while piecing back together Shepard would have gotten rid of all physical “flaws” or bodily marks or whatever.

Like I headcanon my shep to have some tattoos, beauty marks, and one dimple. And I can’t help but think they may have smoothed out the imperfections. They do get rid of any scars you have from me1.

Dimples are a abnormality, completely harmless, but not how the muscles “should” be formed. So would the scientists keep it.

And Tattoos! the idea of them re-tatting shep while unconscious is kinda hilarious but I feel like they wouldn’t. Tattoos can be harmful to your immune system so I don’t think they would while their trying to save shep. Unless future sci-fi stuff makes this point useless. Or maybe they just didn’t get to them in time.

What about body hair?! or cellulite?!

Either way just imagine Shepard finally getting a chance to look in a mirror and realizing they are missing all scars that reminded them of past trauma. Idk if that would be a relief or something that makes them feel dissociated from their new body like its not quite their own.

Realizing their quirks (birthmarks, freckles, moles) have all been smoothed out, things that have defined them since they were a kid.

The utter rage they feel at having to get all of their tattoos done again.

Then again the Illusive Man is real obsessive so he might have demanded everything else except the scars to be kept.

I didn't think seeing a Sally and Poseidon flashback would make me cry but here we are

i do not know where i saw the take that acofaf character choices were 2/3 poignant parallels for queer experience and 1/3 hot mess bird drama as a treat -- but i didn’t need confirmation from chirp that she was in love with a woman (not forgetting squak and theodore in EP TWO) to know that the lords of the wing have had equally queer stories from the start. they are trying to please a disapproving patriarch. they are searching for marital matches that will not benefit them individually. they are notorious for being messy, promiscuous and shit-stirring. they are to jumping through hoops to stay true to themselves behind closed doors. they are hiding big secrets. up to now they were even keeping things from each other. and they are balancing all that with tireless maneuvering that results in a mature, hospitable reputation. idk that sounds outrageously -- and loudly -- queer to me.

anyway there are layers and layers upon closets in the vastness of the queer experience. not all those stories are about coming out.

sometimes they’re about arriving fashionably late on an ostrich-chariot pulled by doves.