#literally each shot was a completely different coloring and a single shot's coloring changed completely from one gif to another
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My Thoughts (and suggestions) on the critiqes on Hazbin Hotels's Character Designs
One of the many complaints about Hazbin Hotel (mostly its character designs) Is that the charaters often use the same color (red) in their pallets. And to be honest I agree with these complaints on some level.
But I don't think completely removing red from the pallets is the best choice. I think using alot of red is sort of a given when creating charaters in such a hellish setting, and it's not like this world is limited to one color.
Helluva Boss explores the other rings of Vivzipops "hellverse." All of which are dominated by a single color.
The Pride Ring is red. The Wrath Ring is orange. The Lust Ring is blue.
Asmodeus, for example, is the embodiemnt of Lust and ruler of the lust ring, and his design empasises that.
Not just the charateristics of his design but the pallet as well. His fur (feathers?) is a similar color to the lust rings sky. His suit and his face have a neon glow to them that a lot of the buildings in the lust ring have. His design isnt just a reflection of his flamboyant yet fluffy nature, it's also literally made of the same building blocks that the ring he rules is.
And yet even in this setting he doesn't bleed into the background. In OZZIE'S when he reveals himself his entire club becomes OVERRUN with his pallet yet he manages to stand out against it.
I think the reason why it's easy to notice Asmodeus in this setting is because, well for one, he's big and the scene is focoused on him, but also because this setting feels built around him rather than him being built for the setting (like the sinners are). It might just be my obsession for this character creating a bias but when I watch this episode I feel like Asmodeus came first and the Lust Ring centers around him, whereas in Hazbin Hotel, the characters sometimes feel hard to miss.
In this frame in particular I genuinley didn't notice Nifty or Alastor in this shot. I mean I rendered in my mind that they were there but It took a couple watches for me to actually notice that they were here. But I will give this credit because my attention was more focoused on Angel Dust than anything else and it was a very short couple of seconds compared to Ozzie's minutes of screen time, but I still think theres a point to be made.
I tried my best to pull from places of equal lighting. The two colors in the top right are the most basic forms, the two on the bottom left are the lighest, and the ones in the center are from the darkest.
While the three examples do varry slightly, the most important ones (being the flatest examples I could find on these images) still look insanely similar to each other. This is MY main complaint about these characters. It's not that they're "too red." I think using red for their pallets is great, but I think using different kinds of red would benefit these designs greatly and help thems stick out against the red backgrounds and other characters.
I think that giving Husker a more deep, dark red, almost like red wine, would empasise his character more. He likes alcohol, wine. He's cynical, depressing, always has a frown, dark. It doen't take away from his character or already estanlished design in any way but does something to help him be more unique.
As for Alastor, I think giving him more muted reds rather than vibrant ones would make him seem more like an oldtimer talkshow host. These reds don't have to be outright pale or grey, but give the red in his suit and hair more fade like they're being seen on a shitty color TV from the 50s. (I don't know what era Alator is from cause I see a lot of different theories but my main guess is from the 1920s-40s since thats when radio became popular) This would, again, empasise his character without outright changing his pallet.
Lastly I want to talk about Charlie
I don't think there's much to change about Charlie's design. I think it works well with her setting. Her suit being a similar red to hell Is a good way to represent her heritege as hells princess, and her blonde hair and pale skin are inherited from her father, who's a fallen angel. One thing I will suggest about her design would be to add something in ger pallet to represent how she likes angels and heaven or at the very least her desire for goodness. Perhaps adding some gold to her design in the form of trimming or a pin or even a simple headband would do wonders for her character and bring some variety that is noticable but not distracting.
I don't have much else to say about the other characters. One thing I will mention is how Sir Pentious sticks out like a sore thumb against all of these main characters who have reds within a similar hue as one of their dominant colors, while he's over here with his piss yellow stripes. Granted he still has red in his design but its more secondary compared to the primary focous of most other characters.
In conclusion, this is just my personal rant about suggestions and ideas and observations. I'm in no way saying that Vivzipop SHOULD do these things. I just think that changing up the pallets and using more variety in the shades and tints of reds she uses for her characters would benefit the show and its characters. This ended up being longe than I thought it would be but I really wanted to get my point across. Please do not point out any spelling mistakes I have made or I will cry and scream and shit everywhere.
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[NEWS] Chen - 221116 Teen Vogue: “EXO’s Chen Opens Up About His Long-Awaited Homecoming With Album ‘Last Scene’”
"“A lot of things changed, and my thoughts changed during my recent hiatus,” he tells Teen Vogue.
Kim Jongdae, best known initially to fans as Chen, a member of the record-breaking group K-pop EXO, shared a promotional image for his third solo album of a mostly bare room replicated nine times. Shot through a sheer-curtained window, each photo is bathed in a different rich color – purple, blue, orange, green, and in the center, a muted gray. In each one he plants himself in a new position as if surveying the room from different angles, swathed in warm-hued light. He sits on a windowsill, stares through to the outside, and leans against a counter looking straight into the camera. The effect feels like an old-fashioned slide projector scanning through some kind of homecoming, illuminating the memories of a static environment with an ever-shifting perspective.
The idea of homecoming feels fitting for Chen. “A lot of things changed, and my thoughts changed during my recent hiatus,” he tells Teen Vogue over a video call from Seoul. The hiatus he refers to is the mandatory military service that is required for almost all men under the age of 28 in South Korea. After enlisting back in 2020, he was discharged in April of this year.
This new album is ironically called Last Scene, despite it being his re-entry into the world of making music, and its release acts as a sort of bookend to this break. His last solo album, Dear My Dear, and EXO album, Obsession, were both released in 2019. There’s a calm ease that radiates from Chen as he muses on approaching his comfortable creative bedfellow with a renewed frame of mind. “I was able to look back on who I am and reflect on what I am feeling,” he says. “There were a lot of questions that I asked myself throughout this process. It was a time for me to discover more about myself, and I spent time contemplating what I needed to be able to express my stories and ideas.”
The result is a compact but full six-track album, led by its titular song which is an orchestral, epic ballad about heartbreak. Fans will likely feel a soothing sense of familiarity with his genre of choice, as it’s one that has defined his solo output and led to him being dubbed the “Ballad King.”
Time feels omnipresent in conversation with Chen, in both the answers he gives and the space he lingers to take pause in his reflections. Each sentence feels completely intentional, like he doesn’t want to let a single important word go unsaid or clumsily expressed. In a field as fast-moving as K-pop, taking time is a luxury. It’s a concept that sits firmly at the center of the industry. Albums are numbered, birthdays marked with commemorative merch drops, group anniversaries dutifully celebrated like festivals, and metaphorical timers run down, for men at least, to the moment they choose to enlist. Chen’s military service overlapped with a landmark date in his career, EXO’s tenth anniversary.
Chen found fame in 2012 when EXO debuted as an all-singing, all-dancing, all-superpowered group (their concept literally involved each member taking on a particular power to be associated with). Like the lightning that a fresh-faced 19-year-old Chen adopted as a force, they sliced blindingly through the scene to become one of the most successful groups in history, amassing millions of fans worldwide and an enormously dedicated following that’s still anomalous in modern pop music. At the inception of that decade, Chen bowled over new fans with a juxtaposition of unassuming, boyish looks and a velvety, cavernous vocal prowess that lent itself not only to the 15 albums that he’s been a part of with EXO (to date) but to subunit EXO-CBX (alongside bandmates Baekhyun and Xiumin), countless K-Drama OSTs, and the now-three solo albums to his name. As anyone evolving through the ages of 20 to 30 can attest, it’s a period of time chronicled by immeasurable growth and some rather momentous personal life changes.
“With the spotlight comes the responsibility to keep working on myself, and to do my best in every given opportunity. I think these areas have been the biggest areas of change for me: a growing sense of responsibility, and to continuously strive to be a better version of myself, especially on stage,” Chen reflects, once again musing on the nearly packaged decennium of his fame. “When I look back at the past ten years, it still seems like a dream to me. Who else could have experienced what I’ve experienced, and go through what I’ve been through? There are times, even now, when it’s hard for me to grasp onto the fact that I have experienced these things, and that I am a person in the spotlight.”
He’s been fondly reminiscing a lot recently, maybe as a result of being able to celebrate milestones not usually afforded to his contemporaries. He thinks about the early days of EXO and the memories built with its members. The mention of his eight friends elicits a visible warmth that radiates through the screen. The value he places on them is inarguable, especially their support around the release of this long-awaited comeback. “I can’t fully express it in words, but each member gave me a lot of encouragement. They were a great source of strength for me,” he says. “I can still remember how each member treated me like nothing was happening, as though everything was just the same. I get overwhelmed thinking about it.”
There’s clearly an unbreakable bond between the group, something forged in the unique whirlwind they found themselves in 2013 when their album, XOXO, and its lead single “Growl,” became the first K-pop album in over a decade to sell a million copies. It’s impossible to overstate the stratospheric success Chen experienced alongside the rest of EXO, and this concept-appropriate lightning-in-a-bottle moment has filled his thoughts of late. “A memory that suddenly comes into mind is, and I don’t know why, but it’s when we first released our Growl album. It’s the album that played the biggest role in making EXO who we are today, and I had a lot of fun.” He adds that sometimes videos of performances of the song, which are cringingly early 2010’s in their styling, will pop up on his YouTube feed but he’s too embarrassed to click. “I get very shocked watching myself.”
Chen gives the impression of a traveler making stops on a journey through his own past, which is what homecomings often feel like. Like we’re watching an old movie with characters we vaguely remember. The memories we cherish aren’t always the ones we thought we’d hold dear, and moments of insignificance sometimes metastasise into the building blocks of who we become later down the line. “I want to tell my younger self to learn to enjoy each moment a bit more,” Chen says. “I was very young back then, and compared to my age and experience, I received so much love and popularity. I wasn’t able to receive this love and appreciation as wholeheartedly as I hoped. There were times when I blamed myself for this. I look back and wonder now, only if I knew how to enjoy it a bit more. I might have been able to attempt and achieve more things. There’s a sense of regret that remains in me.” Revisiting familiar haunts also makes us confront the reality that our perception of spaces entirely changes depending on where we visit them in our lives. For Chen, the industry and fans may be the same, but he is different.
He’s channeled that new perspective into this album which, alongside the titular ballad, ventures into fresh solo territory like leaning into the R&B and pop that litters EXO’s discography. Those genres are sprinkled into the fourth track on the album, a relatable, and self-penned, ode to unrequited love called “I Don’t Even Mind” which he says took two hours to write.
“It was supposed to be a sketch, so I was a little suspicious when the team told me a couple of days later that these were the final lyrics that were chosen for the song. I said, ‘Are you sure? Is this right?,’” he says, laughing. The art of songwriting isn’t something that necessarily comes naturally to him, but it’s something he notes that allows him to express his interiority in new ways. “I think I get my inspiration from my day-to-day life. It might be a word that clings to me from a conversation with someone, or I also like to write songs based on my personal experiences. In the past, I used my imagination to write songs, but with ‘I Don’t Even Mind,’ I wanted to capture myself, just as I am.”
Another crucial distinction from previous releases was the power of learning to share the load. In interviews around his last album, he mentioned being so stressed he found it hard to sleep. “With the first and second solo albums, I had a lot of ambition and desire. I was quite stubborn about what I wanted to do, and I expressed this quite clearly during our meetings,” he says. “I decided to let go of my stubbornness and listen to the voices around me.” Looking outward and accepting help from others also helped him focus on his true motivations through the reeds. “You know I love music, but I don’t think it’s possible to do it by myself. I know it’s a very cliché answer, but my fans are my biggest motivation. The reason why I could do my music until now is because I have people who love me and support me, and because there is someone that is listening to my voice.” And as for being able to get some shut-eye? “I slept well.”
After any homecoming comes a period of bedding in. The newly familiar becomes comfortable again and focus shifts to where we point that solace next. Within the gilded trappings of stasis grows possibility and the chance for further success with the safety net of security. “As time goes on, I want to be more authentic and be open to express myself fully,” Chen says, hopeful for the opportunities yet to come. “I hope to be someone who is approachable and relatable to my fans, not just in my solo activities, but also in my group activities.”
Once again, talk turns back to EXO, a homecoming within his homecoming. “To be back on stage as a group, to sing together — I missed being together with the group the most,” he says. “It’s already been 10 years for [EXO] as a group, and I can’t wait to see who we will become in the years to come.” For Chen, the future hopefully looks a lot like what he’s known before, just saturated with new lights and colors. And that’s everything he could hope for."
Credit: Teen Vogue.
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fuck it, worldbuilding/john universe details under the read more bc i NEED to gush about it (a lot of these details will change but this is the stuff for now)
so this is part 1, bc there's a LOT of ground to cover here. if u have any questions about this stuff or wanna know more, just shoot me a message!! i'll never say no!!
this is basically the universe for every one shot with random oc's will be set in. like ive got a completely different set of characters for the purgatory cafe series, and yes you'll occasionally see the drag hell characters (John, Ambrosia, their whole peanut gallery, etc.) make an appearance.
ok so first of all, some john tidbits!!
his bday is halloween 1995 (how original)
(so far) his criminal record is public intoxication, battery, assault, disturbing the peace, underage drinking (when he's in his teens)
one of his formative events was (while drunk to the point of straight up dying) convincing his oldest sister to keep drinking while she was already near passing out, which led to her dying by aspirating in her sleep. that furthers his alcohol addiction, which culminates in a nearly successful sui attempt at age 26 (he's 28), and only survives because its not the devil's time to take his soul yet.
is autistic and his major hyperfixation is marine biology!! his main fave animals are coelacanths, manta rays, and whale sharks!! also, shrimp colors is his fave meme
is obsessed with knitting and is crazy good at it
REALLY likes cheese sticks, the most bizarre cocktails known to man and demon, and japanese snacks (REALLY into spicy shit too)
has a morality compass similar to hannibal
is aro but THE biggest whore
fave sayings are 'fuck it we ball' and 'live life deliciously'
from rural fuckstick missouri bc yknow, write what u know
heaven and hell details
ok so think of the afterlife in general in this universe as being a mix of a lot of systems. let me explain. theres levels to both heaven and hell, and purgatory is its own neutral thing, like a holding place.
lets start with the hierarchy of heaven: the tippy tip top where the big man upstairs, god, is. this is the level that evangelical christians in our universe would aspire and do literally anything to get to, to cozy up with god. literally nobody gets here bc u would have to be god himself or any of his lackeys to be here.
the second level: where the vast majority of people go. even those who were considered to be the best possible person they could be go here. its basically the living room of heaven, and u only get moved down if ur placement is questioned. you didn't have to strive to get here, you just go there anyway no matter how perfect you thought u were. basically, in this universe, u dont get extra heaven points for having been extra charitable or a try hard. if you were just fine or meh and not bad enough to get tossed down below, congrats, ur here.
purgatory, the true neutral/in between zone: every single person starts here unless ur legit pure evil. you get 'sorted' from here to either heaven, or one of the many sub levels of hell. some people just choose to stay here for their own reasons, and staff the various places here for souls in limbo, heavenly or hellish visitors, and just passerbys. think of the whole 'cafe in purgatory' idea where ppl just hang out for eternity or for however they wish. this is also where ppl in comas go until they either wake up or die.
hell, the top level: this is where the big kahunas go. the devil, his right hand men, the head demons in charge of each sublevel, and basically every extremely powerful demon. this is where the headquarters for operations in hell is.
hell, the holding level: most ppl who end up going to hell just get placed here. truth be told? the levels of hell are entirely up to the devil himself, and when someone dies, if the devil thinks they're super fun and raunchy, he'll send them here. basically, hell is one big party for the fun ppl and heaven is basically for the boring folk. now not all queers in this universe go to hell, most choose to stay in purgatory or ascend to heaven. in the end, most ppl get a choice anyway.
hell, the various sublevels: these are entirely up to the devil honestly. most of this is just considered individual hells for each person, kinda like the personal heavens in spn. i'm working on this section honestly
and finally, the bottomless pits of hell: where all the irredeemable pure evil fucks go. that's it.
#will's oc stuff#yes this is a whole ass thing now goddamn it#if my wording is confusing then i apologize bc i missed a med dose and my brain is goo rn
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Lucky Me (Sequel To Unlucky)
Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)
Warnings: Swearing
Genre: Fluff
Summary: You aren’t always born with luck. Sometimes, you meet people who bring it to you. In short, they are your lucky charm.
Requested: Yes, but not in a typical way. A big thank you to all the wonderful people who read, liked, reblogged and commented on part one - Unlucky.
@susceptible-but-siriusexual @simonsbluee @save-the-sky @hacker-ghost @itsminniekat @bi-andready-tocry @imtiredaffff @jazzkaurtheglorious @hereforbeebo @fandomgirl17 and many more ❤❤❤
They are the reason this story is being written. What was originally supposed to be an elaborate one-shot turned into the most liked piece I’ve ever written. I can’t thank you enough, guys. You are amazing and I hope you like this one just as much or even more than the previous. Love you ❤❤❤
Y/N’s POV
I’m grinning at my reflection in the mirror as I put on a pair of earrings. My face is already touched-up with a little make-up and my hair is looking on point. I can almost see my own reflection in the shine of excitement in my eyes. I take in my upper body via a quick once-over in the full body mirror opposite me, and I finally relax my muscles that I didn’t ever realize I was tensing.
“OK, now I’m ready.“ I say as a form of encouragement as I reach behind me for my phone that’s sitting on my bed.
You might be wondering where I’m going? Who I’m going with? What’s the occasion behind this many preparations and pampering?
The answer: Nowhere. No one. Nothing. I’m literally not even going to leave my house.
It might seem ridiculous to someone else, but to me, to my hypnotized mind, it’s perfectly reasonable to be getting so amped up over a FaceTime call. Yeah, you heard me correctly - a FaceTime call.
Well, you see, this isn’t the first time we FaceTime, but it will be the first time we’ll see each other’s faces. I wanted to level the field so I didn’t let him on to what I look like, where exactly I live, etc. Basically, he only knows my name, which I am still prepared to call unfair, considering I don’t know his real name.
A brief backstory to my first ever real interaction with Corpse: I was introduced to him by my friends. They are the ones I always turned to with all the scary shit happening in my life. Often times they didn’t know weather to comfort me or laugh at my curse. My friends suggested I start sharing it to a youtuber named Corpse Husband. You see, I love YouTube narrators and I’ve always been a fan of Mr. Nightmare and I, to be perfectly honest, always kept the idea of sending him my stories in the back of my mind. Nevertheless, I bit the bullet and checked out on of this Corpse Husband guy’s videos. And then another. And another. And before I knew it I was having a marathon after which I was too paranoid to get online, walk home alone at night, leave my curtains open etc. It wasn’t all thanks to the stories themselves. A lot of the fear factor these stories strike with should be credited to the way they are read. Let me tell you, this guy had it all figured out with the reading. Not sending him my stories would just be wrong. So I did, I sent him my first ever creepy encounter which was with a stalker from my high school and it took me only two days to forget about it. It only crossed my mind when my friends blew my phone up, demanding I watched Corpse’s new video. I kid you not, I got more scared by the story when he read it than when I lived it. That’s what settled it for me - I decided to send him each and every story.
And then one day, out of the blue, my life changed for the better in more ways than one. It got turned completely upside down, like a rollercoaster, and I just had to hold on and enjoy the ride, embrace the adrenaline rush and excitement, knowing full well that I chose to get on and there’s no way I can get off halfway through.
I’m being too metaphorical. He sent me an email. He freaking reached out to me. And I was posed with a rough choice. Took me a minute, but I chose to reply to him, I chose to trust him, and I couldn’t just leave him on read one day simply cause I chickened out. Yes, I’m unlucky and these things don’t happen to unlucky people. I mean, they do, but they are nightmares disguised as a dream come true. I’ve lived all my life cautiously: if something sounds too good to be true it’s either not as good as marketed or not true at all. If it’s dark and late and there are no people around, FaceTime someone. If your Uber driver’s sketchy, cancel the ride. I take all the precautions and I still find myself in the worst situations. Or at least...
My thoughts are interrupted by the ringing of my phone. A simple ringtone I hear every time he calls me. A simple sound that causes me butterflies when I hear it and ultimate devastation if the caller ID doesn’t read the name I want. It always gets me excited, probably more than it should. This time is different, however. It’s scary almost. I’m nervous, anxious, scared, hesitant - all things I never feel when I’m about to answer his call.
With shaky hands I pick up the call and find myself looking at the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. Now I know why I would have never initiated this meeting, because I know what color my face is right now. I know my voice has let me down before I even attempt to speak. I know I look like a mess. I know my obvious crush is showing.
Corpse initiated this meeting. He said he was getting too curious and he wanted one of his best friends to see him and for him to finally see her. It’s been about seven months since we first started texting and I haven’t let out a single peep about it to a single soul. It’s just between him and I. We are each other’s safe space away from the rest of the world.
“Thought you weren’t gonna pick up for a second there.“ His voice is not as confident as other times when we’ve talked. His trying to hide his own nervousness and all I wanna do is hug him and tell him he doesn’t have to. I kept telling him over and over again that we don’t have to do this if he’s not sure that he actually wants it. I even offered to show him what I look like, not expecting to see him in return but he declined, saying it was now his turn to even the field.
“I was in another room.“ I manage to say, my voice only shaking a little.
We spend a few moments just looking at each other. Admiring one another. For someone who prefers digital interaction, I am surprised to realize I wish he was actually standing in front of. I wish I could hug him. A long hug of comfort, mutual understanding and hidden feelings.
He lets out a short laugh, shaking his head which causes a few strands of hair to fall over his eyepatch, “I’m sorry...It’s just-...Fuck I’m stumbling.” He chuckles nervously, “I just...can’t believe you are real. You are a real person. And the most beautiful person I’ve seen. That’s corny, isn’t it.” He looks away from the screen, his face now a shade of red. “But I mean it. I’m embracing my corniness. You are beautiful, Y/N. Not that I’m flexing or anything, but I’m lucky to have met you.”
I laugh, feeling my eyes stinging from the tears that have suddenly formed. I don’t want to let them fall, but I don’t have much say in that. “Well, mister Corpse, I can’t begin to compare. I mean...that hair! I still cannot believe it’s you. You are not just a deep voice in my mind. You are....you are...”
“Everything you imagined and more?“ he jokes, making my whole body heat up. “I told you you could trust. I mean, if the hair doesn’t confirm I’m who I say I am, I don’t know what will.”
“Actually, I never tried to imagine what you looked like. I knew those visions...I knew they didn’t matter. Faces don’t matter to us, Corpse. I think you realize that.“
And just like that, all I’ve been keeping hidden is pouring out. I don’t try to stop it - you can’t stop a hurricane with bare hands.
“I never needed a face to imagine us. I always saw as talking on the phone, playing Among Us. Reading scary stories to each other on Discord. I never needed a face to imagine your company. To imagine what we could be...“ I trail off, letting the first tear slip down my cheek.
The most sincere look appears in his eyes, “Fuck, I wish I could hold your hand right now. Never mind, I wish I could hug you, Y/N. Hug you and not let go for a long time.”
I laugh halfheartedly, my chest burning from the intensity of this moment’s intimacy, “I can always tell you where I live.” I’m only half-joking. I really want to see him in real life, not just through a screen, but even this call is out of his comfort zone, let alone a physical meet up.
He surprises me yet again, “Saturday. I’ll bring the take out, you pick the movie.” he says with a smile that is literally saying ‘you didn’t see that coming, did you?’
“How are you sure I don’t live in a different state, or a different continent all together?“ I tease, making an attempt to put my composure back together.
He smirks, “I pay way more attention to your stories than you’d think.” I laugh, shaking my head as a pointless method of fighting the pesky tears that he has 100% noticed by this point. “By the way, just because we’re....” he thinks for a second, “in a weird zone between friendship and...something more, doesn’t mean you have to stop sending me stories. I absolutely love reading them for my audience. They love em too.”
I just realized I am yet to tell him the crazy miracle that has happened. “Well, the thing is...I don’t have any.” His eyebrows shoot up in shock which makes me laugh, “Yeah, I know, it’s crazy. Since the day we started talking I have not experienced a single scary thing. Deadass. I swear on my life.”
If I wasn’t so head over heels for this man already, the baffled expression on his face would definitely send me falling for him. He’s just that adorable. “Wow.”
“I know right.“ I nod, “Seems to me you have enough luck to share with me.“
His eyes light up at that comment, showing just how meaning full it is to him.
“You’re my lucky charm, Corpse.“
“I will never be more proud of any other title, Y/N. That I can promise you with no hesitation.“
“Deadass?“
“Deadass.“
#corpsehusband#corpse husband#corpse simp#corpse husband fanfic#corpse x reader#corpse husband fanficiton#corpse#husband#x reader#reader#reader insert#corpse husband x y/n#corpse husband x reader#request#requests open#love#fanfiction#fanfic#corpse fanfiction#among us#e girls are ruining my life#unlucky
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Quarters. | 9
☼1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9
prompt: “I don’t know why I’m crying, I just-...I really love you, like, just staring at you really fucks me up.” — soul-gazing
pairing: Jungkook x reader
warnings/au: please keep warnings in mind—dysfunctional relationship with a capital D, toxic relationship themes, but they’re attempting to get better, probably inaccurate therapy but i tried, m-ish, humor(i try), mentions of drug usage, cheater cheater pumpkin eater?, fluff, angst, boxer!au, iceskater!au.
authors note: Hello!!💖it’s been a while since the last update but here we are. ✨This chapter is pretty long✨. Unlike some of the other parts, it is following the timeline of the previous part(pt. 8) so just keep that in mind. See m.list for other parts. Enjoy!🥰
“Do it again, you need to stop relying on your right leg so much!”
Your coach yells for the third time in the last hour, she’s being a tyrant today. Your poor ankles are about to break off, your legs are straining and the cold air is starting to feel like vengeful needles. It’s been about two months since the incident with your leg and the doctor at your last check up granted you freedom to skate again. You’re glad it did to because you were about to go crazy. After the scandal came out about you and your ex-coach judge, she asked you if you wanted to get back into pairs. She went on about how Lucas was open to joining pairs again and that maybe you could get back with him—tempting offer. You’ve thought about it, though you still haven’t made a decision. It has been months since your injury, you can no longer use it as an excuse to take things easy.
Determined to get it right, you skate back to your starting point and try it again. You skate forward, bending your knees just slightly to gain more momentum and once you turn, you take off into a triple salchow. Perfect.
”Finally,” You mutter, skating over to the edge of the rink where your coach is just getting off a phone call.
“Okay, Lucas will be here on Thursday to practice with you,” She smiles, tucking her phone in her pocket, “there’s a competition in two months and I think you two should sign up for it.”
“Coach, I haven’t decided if I want to get back into that,” You put on your blade guards and walk over to the lockers, “I just don’t know yet.”
“Think about it,” She leans against the lockers as you untie your skates and put them in your bag, “if you’re seriously pursuing this career, you have to be flexible. You’re not getting any younger. I hate it just as much as you do but you’ll get positive exposure with him and maybe even pick up a sponsor for the season.”
“Fine,” You zip up your duffel bag and slip your hoodie on, deciding to leave the yoga pants on, “but I need a break. I worked a night shift last night so I’m only standing because I took three espresso shots and I’m about to take another one, I’m exhausted.”
“I know you are, try to get some rest this weekend. You’ll be at the ballet studio for half of next week so you won’t be on the ice,” She says that, hoping it’ll give you some relief, “just don’t forget to soak your feet tonight.”
You gather your stuff and walk out of the center, waving at Carrie the desk clerk like a zombie. It’s only 8 o’clock but you’ve been here for two hours, you feel like you’re in a time loop. An eternal warp created to keep you totally spent. When you hop in your car, you crank it up and turn the heat on. Not long after, your eyelids begin to feel heavy so you drive over to the closest coffee shop. When you look down at your phone, you see a missed call from Jeon Jungkook. All prior emojis have been removed from his contact.
His call will stay missed, just like the other five. You’re not in the mood for his sob story. About two weeks ago, you decided that you two needed to take a break but he took it hard. You remember sitting on your couch with crossed arms and staring at him as he twisted and squirmed uncomfortably.
“What kind of break?”
Are there different kinds?
“The kind where we stop seeing each other all the time, I don’t know what kind that is, Jungkook. But I can’t deal with this right now, it’s causing me major stress and anxiety...”
“You can’t deal with me?” He sounds hurt.
“Not with you Jungkook, with your crap. I have a ice skating career to try to work out, a job, school, the last thing I need to worry about is whether you can control yourself,” You frown, “you were just at my house with my niece and next thing I know you’re out getting high and fooling around with other girls.”
“You’re still upset about the photo,” He concludes, “baby, I told you, it didn’t go anywhere with that girl, I pushed her off. I wasn’t completely sober but I know I didn’t let her-”
“That’s exactly my point, you were doing drugs. And for what? You don’t need it. I understand a little bit of smoking every now and then but I can’t handle when you do that other stuff. That night was a disaster. I got stabbed, how does that even happen? But of course, it would happen to me,” You massage the sides of your temples. “I’m just over it, I’m tired.”
“You want to give up on us? Just like that? I’ve apologized a thousand times, I don’t know how to prove to you that I’m sorry,” He twiddles his fingers and bites at his bottom lip, “I don’t know what else to do.”
“I’m not giving up,” You defend, “we need some space to work on our selves.”
“Why can’t we work on ourselves together?”
“We’ve been doing that and it doesn’t work.”
The conversation continued on until you two ended up arguing for a good hour before you lied, saying you had to go to class. He left and you haven’t heard from him since, not a a call, a text, a call, not even a like on any of your recent posts. He’s taking this well.
*
“Why did you do that!? She’s gonna think I called her,” Jungkook snatches the phone from Jimin, “fuck, are you trying to get me killed?”
“Come on,” Jimin roles his eyes with a grin, putting his boxing gloves back on, “you guys can’t stay away from each other, you expect me to believe you two aren’t talking-”
“I’m serious, we haven’t talked for weeks,” Jungkook locks his phone with a frown, tucking it in his gym bag, “she’s done with me.”
“Oh, aw man,” He is serious, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you guys broke up.”
He had been by you and Jungkook for the entirety of the relationship, it always seemed like you preferred things to be spontaneous. Admittedly, he knew Jungkook would do something that pushed you over the edge one day but he didn’t think it would be so soon.
“We didn’t break up,” Jungkook mumbles, tying his hair back with a head band, “we’re just taking a break, that’s what she told me at least.”
“Aw, that sucks,” Jimin has to contain his amusement, it’s not funny but the fact that Jungkook is giving you full control over the relationship is unusual to him.
“Every time I think about trying to talk to her, I just remember that face she makes and that tone she uses. That’s when I know she does not give a single fuck, it’s scary.”
“Is there a reason she’s being so hard on you? Don’t get me wrong, you were in the wrong. You shouldn’t have been there but it’s been weeks.”
“Her past relationship was rough on her mentally and emotionally. When she was young she had some things happen to her that causes her to have a hard time trusting others.”
“If you knew that then why did you do what you did?”
“I don’t know, okay? Everyone's been beating me up about it but I just don’t have an answer for you. I said I was sorry,” Jungkook shakes his head, fists making brunt contact with the punching bag, “I just I miss her,”
“It’ll be alright, she’ll come around,” Jimin holds the bag, keeping it still for the lovesick boy, “just give it some time. Hey, I’m taking my niece to the ice-skating rink in town, you should come!”
Jungkook, dramatically collapses to the ground, laying back on the ground with his boxing gloves on his face. “Ice-skating, why would you suggest ice-skating!?” He whines. “That’s literally what she does, it’s just going to remind me of her...”
“Aw Kook, I know,” Jimin can’t help but giggle at Jungkook’s overreaction, “that’s okay, you’ll be fine, and besides,” He pulls him up from the ground and pushes his shaggy hair back, “you can’t stay away from each other forever..”
“What about this one?” You step out of the dressing room, turning from side-to-side to let her see, “I like the color.”
“That’s the one,” Harmony scrolls through her phone, eyes going between you and the screen, “perfect.”
“Harmony, you’re just saying that!” You whine, turning to look into the mirror again with a frown.
“Y/n, this is the 11th dress you’ve tried on, it looks great. I’m serious.”
“Okay, I’ll go with this one then,” You smile, going back in the dressing room to change back into your clothes. Yuna’s having a party for the charity she works with. All of the money donated goes to buying toys and clothes for kids in foster care and orphanages, you attend every year.
“You know, I heard Jungkook might come with Taehyung,”
Ugh, you forgot that your groups of friends are also friends. Jeon Jungkook, you still consider him your boyfriend in some aspects, but you don’t want to face him right now. Maybe you’re dragging this out too far but honestly, you don’t care. You love him but right now, you’re doing too well to let him crawl himself back into your life. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t creeping on his social media every now and then, you do care enough to see how he’s doing on there.
“Hm,”
“That’s all you have to say?” She giggles.
“Yup.”
“Did you officially dump his ass yet?”
You step out of the dressing room, rolling your eyes harder than necessary.
“Look, what happened to you was terrible. You couldn’t skate because of him. You caught him with another girl and you still let him take you home,” She was still bitter about Jungkook taking you away the way he did, she still thinks she should have insisted more.
You clear your throat, “I rather not talk about it.”
It’s been admittedly awkward every time one of your friends bring that night up. On one hand, you understand why they bash him so hard but on the other hand, it’s hard to hear. You two leave the mall and grab lunch to eat in the comfort of your car..
During this break, you’ve decided to try and take things slow, relax. Admittedly, it would be nice to have Jungkook around again, to run errands with, to cuddle with. It’s hard not to miss him, you knew it would be.
“We should go to the pop-up ice-skating rink on campus today, it’s a family thing I think,” Harmony squeezes ketchup onto her fries with a thoughtful him, “it sounds fun.”
“It’s funny you say that, Lucas invited me to go ther. He was going to go with his family, I told him I probably wouldn’t be able to.” You sigh.
“Oh, that’s right! The prince is back in town,” Harmony always had a thing for Lucas, even in high school. When you two were partners years ago, she still had a crush on him, “then we definitely should go. Are you getting back into pairs with him?
“Yeah, we’ll do one season together next year.” You have to admit, you are excited to get back into the practice with one of your best friends.
“I’ll definitely have to brush up on my ballet lessons and I was always a bit too shaky during lifts. Our instructions used to say if I don’t look comfortable during lifts on the stable ground, I can’t expect to look good while I’m being lifted and Lucas is still skating. I trust Lucas a lot more now so I think it’ll go well,”
“Jungkook will love that.”
You take a bite of your chicken sandwich with a heavy sigh, “He’ll live...”
“Uncle,” Yona sits with her little brother in the back seat while they wait for Jungkook to finish pumping the gas, “why does your friend look so grumpy? Doesn’t he want to go skating with us?”
Jimin glances back at Yona and smiles, thinking of how he should explain Jungkook’s situation. “He’s just upset, he’s fine.”
“What is he upset about?” Jimin hesitates for a moment but Jungkook signals that he’s running inside for something.
“Well,” He turns to face her, “can you keep a secret?” She eagerly nods. “Kookie is a little sad because he misses his girlfriend.”
“Oh, what happened to her?” Yona frowns, fearing what Jimin might say.
“Nothing happened to her, he’s okay, they just haven’t seen each other in a long time,” He rakes his brain, trying not to say too much about Jungkook’s love life, “but it’s okay, he’s alright. Just try to understand, he’s not trying to be a grump, he’s just a big teddy bear who pretends to be tough when he’s sad,” He grins, “but don’t tell him I said that.”
“Oh,” She nods adorably, pitying Jungkook, “I won’t,”
in the nick of time, Jungkook comes back with a receipt and mumbles something about the poor management in the convenience store. Jimin notices how Yona looks at him with sympathetic eyes but Jungkook doesn’t seem to notice. He’s too wrapped up in his phone to see that a 9-year-old is pitying his dysfunctional love-life.
It doesn’t take long before the four of them arrive at the skating rink and Jimin is helping, Juda, Yona’s sleepy 5-year-old brother out of the car. Yona takes the liberty of escorting her self out and walking over to Jungkook.
“Hi,” She looks up at him, not even a little intimidated by his towering stature over herself.
Jungkook looks around, as if she’s talking to someone else. “Hi,” He gives her a small wave, “it’s Yona, right?”
“Yes,” She nods, walking by his side, “uncle said your girlfriend skates, do you skate too?”
Jungkook mentally cringes, bracing himself for whatever Jimin told this little girl about his personal life. “No, I’m a boxer, she’s the skater.”
“Ahh, ice skating is prettier than boxing, you should ice skate too,” She looks back at Jimin and Juda walking side by side, wondering if she should walk with them or stay with Jungkook. Just when she was about to further judge Jungkook’s life choices, Jimin and Juda catch up. Jimin leads the four of them to the skate rental booth where Jungkook avoids eye contact with the girls behind the counter. It’s hard enough to be in your environment, let alone be surrounded by couples and families skating to their hearts content. It’s not the same without you, it doesn’t feel like he should even be trying to enjoy himself after what he did to you.
Jimin and the kids get their skates on, but Jungkook tells them to go ahead without him. The more he sits here, the less he wants to be here.
*
“We decided to come and skate for a little bit, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to take your invitation, I didn’t think I’d be able to come.” You and Harmony skate out onto the ice.
Lucas stands at the edge of the rink, smiling. “It’s okay, I’m here with my family so don’t sweat it, hey! You wanna practice a routine, for old time sake?”
“There are way too many people to be practicing a routine. Besides, I’m already sore from practice yesterday.”
“Where’s your boyfriend? I thought you told me he skates with you sometimes,” He skates a circle around you, a toothy grin on his face, “I want to meet him.”
“He was busy,” You lie. You don’t know where Jungkook is or what he’s doing, “It’s just us.″
Somehow, he believes you and skates off with his family while you breathe.
“You lie,” Harmony shakes her head as if to say shame on you.
“What was I supposed to say? I’m not gonna burden him with my personal problems.”
You two go back and forth until she surrenders, claiming she’ll leave you a Jungkook’s relationship out of her mouth for the rest of the day. You highly doubt she can but you appreciate the effort.
Nononononono—why is he here? And blonde. Your eyes widen, your palms get sweaty, just seeing him affects you. You’ve missed him. Judging by the way he’s sitting on the bench with his skates beside him, he looks sad. Who is he here with?
”Y/n, Harmony, hey!” Jimin skates over to you with two little kids by his side, they’re so cute. “What’re you two doing here?”
”Jimin? Hi, fancy meeting you here, we decided to come last minute,” You’ve connect the dots now, “who are these two cuties?”
“I’m babysitting my niece and nephew,” He holds both of your hands and the both of them say a shy little greeting, “say hello guys,”
“Hi,” Yona waves at you two and you greet her with a bright smile.
Jimin glances back at Jungkook who has yet to notice you. “Y/n, can I talk to you for a minute?” You nod.
“Harmony can you please watch them for a second?”
“Me? Um, I guess but-”
You skate to the edge of the rink and Jimin follows, you already anticipating what this conversation is about.
“Jungkook is here.”
“I know, I saw him,” You deadpan.
“Look, I know what happened between you guys and he probably doesn’t want me to say this, but he’s been the biggest bitch since you two split, I’ve never seen him so at odds with himself.”
“What am I supposed to do about that? That’s not my fault.” You frown.
“I’m not saying that you need to do anything,” Now he understands what Jungkook meant about your infamous tone. “I just wanted to let you know, I figured you haven’t talked.”
“I’m sorry,” You hold your face in your hands, “I’m not trying to be mean, I just have a lot on my mind and I wasn’t expecting to have to deal with him today.”
“Maybe you two can talk, I’m not saying you should get back together but maybe talking face to face will help you find common ground?”
That’s advice that you know you should take but the thought of talking to him makes your stomach uneasy. It’s easier to ignore him, erase him from your life while you figure out what you want. You’re very childish in the aspect of talking things out, he is too.
“Here he comes,” Jimin looks over at Jungkook who is slowly approaching you two, “I’ll give you two some space-”
“Jimin, I swear, if you did this on purpose!-” Your threat is cut short when he skates away and Jungkook skates up to you. As if you don’t even see him, you quickly skate away, uninterested in anything he might have to say.
Jungkook knows he can’t possibly out-skate you. He mumbles a few curses before skating over to Jimin and the kids as frustrated as ever. For a moment, he almost changed course because Harmony, his biggest hater, is with them and she is one of the last people he wants to see.
“Jungkook, hey,” Jimin sighs, dreading the angry frown in Jungkook’s brows, “I’m glad you decided to-”
“Did you know she was here?” Jungkook cuts straight to the punch, not paying any mind to Harmony whose staring at him as if he’s a mass murderer.
“No,” Jimin shrugs, voice low in order not to alarm the kids who are skating near by, “you know I would have told you.”
“I’ll be in the car.” He skates off, anxious to get off the ice but he’s stopped when another skater bumps into his shoulder.
“Sorry!-”
“Don’t worry about it,” Jungkook shrugs, but just when Jungkook was about to leave the guy gives him a weird look.
“Wait, what’s your name? You look so familiar,”
“Jungkook,” He responds with a bit of impatience, “I don’t think I know you from anywhere, sorry-”
“You’re Y/n’s boyfriend! She showed me some of her pictures pictures,” Lucas smiles but Jungkook’s eyes darken, “I’m Lucas, we’re competing in pairs again next season, I’m sure she’s told you.”
“Oh, I didn’t know, probably slipped her mind,” You haven’t mentioned it on purpose. Then again, how could you? You haven’t talked in weeks.
Just when he thought this day couldn’t get any worse, he meets your partner, and he’s not ugly,
“She said you couldn’t come because you were busy, did you come to surprise her?”
“Something like that- I’m sorry, I gotta go.”
“Okay, well...nice to meet you,” Lucas waves him off but Jungkook doesn’t pay him any mind.
He thought this might go differently, why did he think that? As soon as he saw you, that tug in his heart came back, that desire to be around you came back. When you walked away, it made him feel like crap, you didn’t even want to look at him.
While he’s skating off to the side to leave the rink, he sees you taking off your personal skates and putting them in their bag. Of course, your caddie is right next to where his heavy black boots are. He enters the room opens the caddie with the little pass-code they gave him when he rented the skates. You spare him a glance as you tie your sneakers and he sits to get his shoes on.
“Did you have to ignore me like that?” He decides to speak up.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” You frown, “I don’t even know why you’re here.”
“Since when did you start caring where I go?” He bites back. “You’ve been ghosting me for fucking weeks and suddenly I’m not allowed to go out?”
“I didn’t want to see you...I was doing so good, I was forgetting about you.” You lean back, not giving him eye contact.
”Wow, just what I wanted to hear,” He thought you would say something like that but he didn’t expect you to be so blunt.
“You can’t say you’re surprised, can you?”
“No, but the least you can do is talk to me.”
”Fine, that’s fair. What do you have to say?” You stand to your feet, your bag tight in your hand/
”Believe it or not,” He gets up to lean on the wall behind him, “I love you, so I'm letting you drag me along and make all of the rules but I’m just asking that you communicate with me, I need to know what you want,” He tends to ask this question when he’s most desperate for your good side to emerge.
“Why don’t you tell me what you want? I’m not the one going around making decisions that hurt our relationship, not recently anyway.” You throw a jab at him, you couldn’t contain it anymore.
“If you’re trying to make me feel like shit, you’ve succeeded. You’ve been succeeding for weeks now, it’s actually starting to get to me, mentally.” As he says that, an unsuspecting few individuals come in to get there things.
“Can-” You pause and walk over to him to eliminate the awkward distance, “Can we talk about this somewhere else?”
His spirits brighten a little because at least you’re interested in continuing the conversation, you haven’t even attempted to do that until now. So when he stutters out an “okay”, his feet move as soon as yours do. He’s walking right next to you and you find yourself keeping your arms crossed, away from his hands that you would normally be holding. By the time you walk out to the rink, Jimin is still with the kids and Harmony is gone, probably in the restroom. You find a secluded area near the concession area and take a seat, he does the same right across from you.
“Do you want to break up?”
He puts it out there. He’s never been the one to hesitate, especially when his heart is on the line.
“What do you mean?” You swallow, not expecting to be confronted with that question.
He almost scoffs because you’re having a similar reaction to his reaction to you telling him you wanted to take a break.
“Do you not want to be in a relationship anymore? If this isn’t something you’re willing to do anymore, I need you to tell me so I can grieve in peace...I feel really lost right now.”
“Grieve? I’m not going to die if we break up, Jungkook, and I never said I wanted to break up—I never said I didn’t love you either. That’s not what this is about, it’s not about whether we love each anymore, it’s about trust.”
“How can I gain your trust?”
You look around, making sure no one is listening in on you two before mumbling out your answer. “I don’t know...I just don’t trust you, I can’t tell you how to make it up to me because people who screw me over, I normally stay as far away from them as I can.”
All you can think about is the lies from your birth-mother, the betrayal and humiliation that came over you when you found out about your ex. Situations like that always come to mind when the subject of trust is mentioned. You’ve been hurt and Jungkook knows that, he knows when you feel like you can’t trust someone, you shut down. You want nothing to do with that person, your pain blinds you—its your character flaw.
“You’re lucky I’m even talking to you right now,” You mumble, nibbling at your bottom lip.
“Yeah, I know.” He scoffs, a look of disbelief that turns into an understandable shrug of his shoulders.
“I’ve always thought of you as someone I didn’t deserve, you know that,” He glances down at his twiddling fingers, “when we got together, you changed me and I’m so grateful for that...I was such a shitty person before I met you- I mean, I’m sure you think I’m shitty now but I was way worse.” It surprises you when you see tears welling at his eyes that he quickly wipes away, tattooed fingers getting a bit wet.
“Jungkook,” You lay a hand over his with sympathetic eyes, “I still love you.”
“Seriously?” He glances up at you, surprised.
“Yes...You hurt me, you made me feel stupid and I’m not over it...But I never forget those times where I made life difficult for you, you never made me feel irredeemable. No matter how awful I acted, you never made me feel like a burden. That’s more than I can say about a lot of people in my life.”
The more you talk this out with him, the more you realize how harshly you’ve been treating him. It doesn’t change how you feel about your relationship, but it does open your eyes to the standard you’ve been holding him to. You don’t know if you’re ready to start again.
“Well, I have to be honest with you,” He looks at you through his dirty blonde locks, “it still hurts like hell to have you treat me like a stranger. That shit is painful, even for me.”
“I’m sorry,” You murmur out an apology before you can really think about it, “I’m just upset at you is all...” Slowly, you take your hand off of his and your eyes wander back to his dear-like eyes.
“Everyone’s telling me I should let you go but I don’t want to. I just need to know that you’re willing to wait for me, and to work on yourself...”
“I’ll do anything, I’ll do whatever it takes for us,”
Shortly after that day, you found yourself thinking more and more about your future. It made you cringe at one point, what were you planning to do with the rest of your life? Whatever you planned to do, you always imagined Jungkook would be by your side. Now, you’re coming to terms with the fact that things may not go as planned.
“Y/n, are you ready?” Lucas calls your name from outside of the dressing room.
”What are you doing in here? This is the woman’s locker room,” You open the door, now fully dressed in your new leotard.
”We’re the only ones here,” Lucas stands with a matching outfit, far less sparkly as yours.
”Why does she always pick these leotards for me? You always get the toned down looks-” You walk over to the mirror, furrowing your brows, “Oh, actually, this one is kinda nice.”
“She knows you’re the most dramatic out of the two of us, maybe that’s why,” He shrugs his shoulders before quickly running back out into the ballet studio. Your least favorite part of your career is the ballet lessons, it’s the most grueling.
“Come on out, Y/n, we only have the studio for the morning so we need to use our time wisely.”
“Sorry,” You walk out with an urgency, “the costume fits okay, a little snug but it’s doable.”
Coach gives you a knowing look, she’s been floating the idea of a diet around. As committed as you are to your craft, dieting is one thing you don’t think you need to do well. You try to stay fit but sometimes you’re more concerned about your dwindling love life than you dress size. The ballet instructor emerges from around the corner and you cringe, the next few hours are about to be painful.
Yet, as the class progresses, your thoughts drift farther from the positions and you find yourself zoning out completely.
*
*
At one point in time, you couldn’t imagine being without Jungkook. Out of all of the people who’ve come and gone out of your life, he stayed. He became your best friend and your first love.
“I don’t want to be here anymore, please, just let me go home,” You sat on the hotel room floor, hair pin in your hands and a painfully cold ice bag on your ankle, “...I can’t go back out there.”
She stands with crossed arms, her unchanging expression not doing anything for your emotional state.”Y/n, you are a professional, and do you know what professionals do?”
”No.”
“They finish the competition, no matter what. You need to stay for the judging, “
“Why? I fell on my biggest jump on live television. Cindy. I look like an amateur...There’s no way in hell they’ll even consider placing me. That means I’m done for, I might as well kiss nationals goodbye.”
”That was the last program, you still have a chance-“
”Not after Charlotte’s routine! You said it yourself, I had to be flawless or Charlotte would take my spot in the qualifying team, there was no room for error. This is the one time it had to be perfect...” You use the bed to help you up and you sit down n the edge of it.
”It won’t be perfect every time. You work harder than any girl I know, and not just in this sport, you work hard at whatever you do and you support yourself, you’re the only girl I know who’s parents aren’t paying for you to be here. You deserve to be here, you made one mistake, one. It’s not the end of the world, sweetheart,” Cindy takes a seat beside you, a comforting hand going to your shoulder, “these things happen.”
You take a deep breath, trying to calm down and think rationally. Cindy is trying her best to talk you off of the ledge but you’re very much still there. She says you work so hard, but what do you have to show for it? You’re doing this alone a majority of the time. Your family only comes to support you sometimes, they don’t have a lot of free time to spend on your hobby. Your iceskating is a glorified hobby to them, they won’t say it but it’s true. After they told you to pick a major and find a good paying 9-5, they stopped paying for your iceskating. They’re paying for school but that’s it, you’re supporting yourself in every other aspect. That gave you all the reason to try to prove to them that you were an exceptional athlete. To prove to them that you did it all on your own, that’s your only goal. Yet, the more you reach for that, the farther you get from it.
”Listen, I need to check on the other girls, alright? I hope you reconsider.” She pecks your forehead, a motherly affection that you’ve come to appreciate from her. She is like a mom in some ways. She cares for the entire team, and she would never say it, but she has a particular soft spot for you. She can see how much you want this, how the ice can take you to a different place.
You were meant to do this, she always tells you that. She saw the fire in you as soon as she accepted you on her team. Your passion attracted her to you, you never stopped, you had so much drive. Some people are meant to fight tooth and nail for what they want, sometimes you have to ask yourself, why do I have be one of those people?
Ignoring your better judgment, you packed your bags and took the 2-hour drive back to your apartment. All while you were fleeing the city to seek refuge at home, you received multiple phone calls from Jungkook but you couldn’t bring yourself to call him back. When you got home, you took off your tracksuit and sank face first into your coach.
As much as you wanted Jungkook to come to the competition, you insisted that he stay and take that job. He hasn’t been boxing as much so any extra art job he can take, you encourage him to take it. He told you he’d streamed the competition while working on the mural at a nearby bar. His heart sank when you took that fall. You put hours of practice into that routine and perfected it, he had seen you do it flawlessly several times.
All he wanted to do was hug you and tell you that you did well but all he could do was hope that you weren’t beating yourself up. He could only imagine how devastated you were and to not be able to be there for you, he couldn’t stand it. He finished up the mural and you had finally texted him saying, ‘I came home early.’ He went straight to your apartment with the big pink bunny he bought for you, you need it even more now.
”Hey, it’s me,” He opened the front door and announced himself softly and walks further inside.
The television barely illuminates the living room but he sees you laying on the couch. He sits the bunny down behind the couch so you can’t see them before walking around to greet you in your depressing state.
“I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow, baby,” He rests a hand on thigh and kisses your cheek, “you must’ve known how much I was missing you,” His attempt to make you smile goes painfully unnoticed.
He bites at his bottom lip in thought. “Did something happen?...”
You swallow the lump in your throat and finally look him in the eyes, “Did you watch my second program?”
“I did, you looked beautiful-”
“I’m quitting.”
He turns his whole body to you, brows deeply furrowed like a cartoon character. “What?”
You cover your face with a pillow, successfully hiding your tears, “I’m calling Cindy to tell her I don’t want to do it anymore, I quit.”
“Woah, wait, why?” He takes the pillow from you to see your face, “Y/n, calm down, what’s going on? Tell me what happened.”
“I- I didn’t make the national team, that was my only chance until next year. All my hard work went down the drain and everyone saw me screw up..” You wipe your tears with your sleeve.
“Hey, it’s okay, you cry if you need to,” He pulls you into a hug, cradling your head to his chest, “I know this is tough for you but it’s not the end of the world, it’ll get better.”
You pull away from him as if he were suddenly hot to the touch and bury your face into the arm of the couch. “You wouldn’t understand, the pique of my career was riding on this, and I blew it. It feels like the end of my world, okay?”
You know your words are muffled by the couch, that’s probably for the better anyway. “T- that’s just how I feel...”
He doesn’t pry any further after that. He knows there’s not much he can say to change your mind right now. Instead, he scoots closer to your side and places a comforting hand on your back, rubbing soothing circles as he waits for you to continue.
“I have nothing if I lose this, there’s all this pressure on my shoulders and its tearing me apart...” You turn to wipe your face and sit up. “I love skating, it’s all I’ve ever wanted to do...if I stop, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.”
You’ll never forget that night.
He lifted you into his lap and kept his arms tight around you. “You’re so much more than just your skating. You’re so good at but it’s not all that you are.” Jungkook has a way of talking you off of the edge but that night, you were especially down on yourself.
“Yes it is...”
“No it’s not,” He sighs, “look, I know what it feels like to find your identity in something and then all of a sudden, that something is gone...When my portfolio got rejected, I felt like a failure. My family never got behind the boxing thing, so I’ve always tried to find another way to support myself just in case for whatever reason it doesn’t work out...I didn’t start realizing that until recently. I’m constantly torn between giving up one dream for the other but I want to do both, you actually inspire me to do both.” You furrow your brows, briefly abandoning your own issues to listen to him.
“You work so hard and you’re showing your family that you can do this, you just have to believe in yourself, and you know what? You’re doing amazing. Tonight was just a bad night, it happens.” He squeezes you tight and you do the same, arms fastened around his neck as if it would kill you to let go.
You didn’t need to say anything after that. You settled your mind and you were no longer at the edge, you were still close, but not there. With your head resting over his shoulder, you try to peek over the couch to see what he dropped back there when he walked in.
“Hey, what’d you think you’re doing?” Jungkook leans forward and your grip around him is loosened so you can no longer look back there. “You think I got something for you?”
You look down a bit embarrassed that he caught you, “Well, yeah...you did, didn’t you?” You smile for the first time tonight and he breathes a sigh of relief. Finally.
He was going to tease you for wanting your gifts even though you just had a meltdown. But how could he? He wants to keep this smile on your face for as long as possible.
“Sit,” He lifts you off his lip and back to your previous seat on the couch, “no peeking.”
You hold your hands over your eyes, excited even thought have no idea what it might be.
“Okay, open.”
When you move your hands to see you squeal in excitement. “Oh, Jungkook! It’s so cute!” You stand up to take the pink bunny that’s almost more than half your size. “Thank you,” You lean into him with the bunny between you two, “it’s so big and soft, like you.”
“Yeah I know,” He sways from side-to-side with you in his arms, “you feeling better?”
You muffle your sigh into the stuffed animal, “I still wanna quit.”
“Oh stop,” He pulls the from your grip and tosses it onto the couch, “you’re just being bratty now,”
“No I’m not,” You whine, the issue still very fresh, “I’m still sad...I just really like my gift and I’m happy to see you...But I am still upset.”
“Aw, I’m sorry,” He lays on the couch and beckons you into his arms to lay on his chest, “let’s cuddle you until you feel better then, will that help?”
“Maybe...”
You’d be lying if you said you could live without that side of him.
*
A few days later, you’re surprised you hadn’t heard from him. But when you get back from the gym with a missed call from him and a solemn text to ‘call back when you can’, you actually call him back.
“Is something wrong?”
“No, nothings wrong. Thank you for calling me back.”
His voice sounds relaxed but a bit anxious.
“Did you need something?” You sigh, pouring your boiling water in your mug.
“Are you free to go with me somewhere at 11? And then maybe, we could grab dinner? Just-...Don’t be mad, please.”
Anxiety bubbles in your chest.
“What’re you talking about?”
“I signed us up for couples therapy.”
“You did what?” Somewhere in your mind, you had wanted him to bring this up—you never imagined that he actually would.
”You said we don’t know how to work on ourselves together, I read that therapy helps with that. Will you go with me? If you don’t like it, you never have to do it again I swear.”
“Jungkook...I appreciate the effort, I really do, but how did you find this therapist? Do you trust them?”
”Of course. He has great reviews online and my-...Well, my mom found him actually.”
You pause, a bit taken aback. He talked to his mom about your relationship and he took her advice about seeing a therapist? He must have really taken your words to heart about getting help.
“Can you pick me up?”
“Sure, I’ll be there in 20.”
When he picked you up, you were reminded just how well he could clean up. Sure, he always dresses so well and smells amazing, but he’s different today—you can tell he put in a lot of effort. You’re glad you decided to do your makeup and where a nice sundress, you would have felt terribly under-dressed.
“Hi, how can I help you?
“Hi, we have an appointment for Jeon at 5, with Seojoon.”
You stand next to Jungkook at the front desk, your hands tightly clutching your purse. It’s hard to not think the woman is judging you and Jungkook for being here. She’s probably seen hundreds of people come into this office but something in you can’t shake the feeling. She directs you two to the waiting room and says he’ll come get you two in a few minutes.
“So,” You begin, glancing at Jungkook, “I’m nervous...”
“Me too.” This is new for the both of you. In only a few seconds, who you assume to be Seojoon emerges from the hallway and you look at him a bit wide-eyed.
“Hi, Jungkook, Y/n, are you two ready?”
“Oh, um, yes.” You stand up in sync with Jungkook, already wanting to run out of here but you resist.
You have to admit that the office is really nice, not stiff and sterile looking, the energy is very calming. Seojoon opens the door to a cozy-looking room with tons of natural sun light. There’s warm-rose colored couch that you assume is for ‘the couple.’
“Alright, you can take a seat right there, make yourselves comfortable.” He smiles, taking a seat and you two do the same.
“So let’s get right into it. What brought you two here today? If you could both tell me your separate answers, that would be great.” Despite Seojoon looking at you directly to presumably go first, you divert your eyes and look at Jungkook to say something first.
“Well, we’re- I think we’re going through a lot right now and I just want to save our relationship.” Jungkook sits back, resting against the arm of the couch as he gazes at you to give your answer.
“What about you, Y/n?”
You glance down at your lap, feeling very out of your comfort zone and not confident enough to verbalize what you would like to say. Alas, you try.
“I feel the same way, we’re not in a good place and I’m confused about what to do-...I just want what we used to have.” You confess a bit of your true feelings but ignore the longing look Jungkook gives you.
“When did you start feeling like the relationship was changing?”
“Fairly recently. We were fine, at least I thought we were until I saw him with another girl back in an old lifestyle that I thought he gave up...”
Seojoon diverts his attention away from you and to Jungkook. “Jungkook, do you want to share a little bit about that?”
“Not really,” He answers honestly at least.
“Why not?”
“To be honest, I don’t know why she keeps throwing the same jab at me. I’ve told her the truth but she doesn’t want to hear it. I went out that night,” He almost glares at you, “I didn’t plan to. I ran into an old friend and I just-...I thought it was harmless and I got caught up...”
Seojoon scribbles something down. “Okay, so can you fill me in a little bit. Are we talking about unfaithfulness? Addiction?”
“Unfaithfulness,” You interject. “he said he didn’t cheat on me but...” You mumble, your confidence faltering for some reason. “It’s hard to believe that.”
“But you think he did so you have some distrust. Were you unfaithful, Jungkook?”
“It doesn’t matter if I say I did or I didn’t, she thinks I did.” He shrugs.
”Y/n,” Seojoon puts an end to the death stare you had on Jungkook, “can you tell Jungkook what cheating looks like to you?”
”Not sleeping with her doesn’t mean you didn’t cheat on me. Letting her put her hands on you- And I don’t care if it was just a kiss! You shouldn’t have been in that situation, and for me to have to see it on social media? I could have killed you I was so mad. You should ask Jungkook what cheating is to him. We obviously have different standards for defining it...”
”What does cheating look like to you, Jungkook?” He heeds your suggestion without any push-back.
”To me,” He hesitates, feeling a bit scrutinized, “it’s when a person violates the intimacy of the relationship by giving it to someone else.”
“What kind of intimacy?”
“Emotional, physical, every kind,” He turns to you, “I wouldn’t do thingst that I do with Y/n with anyone else, not by choice-”
“Yes you would! You did...Are you trying to tell me that you were assaulted? That she forced her way on you?”
“I was blitzed! I don’t fucking know. All I do know is that she got on top of me and I pushed her off. That’s it. I swear, if anything else happened, I don’t remember it.”
“I don’t care. You know what I’ve been through, to even allow another girl to even get close to touching you like that...It was a slap in the face.”
Seojoon’s ears perk up at the mention of your past. “Did you have to go through a similar situation in a previous relationship?”
“Yes and he knows this. I was being cheated on before and the guy had a literal baby on the way throughout our entire relationship...It was traumatizing.” It stings his ears to hear you say that. But it’s true, he knows your past and he didn’t let it stop him.
“What happened must have triggered you,” You nod to yourself, “but you’re here to try to work through forgiveness and build trust. If you two are comfortable with it, I’d like you do do two exercises; one here and one when you’re alone. The first one that you’ll do here, I need you to face each other, preferably close, and I have some questions for you two to ask each other.”
“Like this?” Jungkook answers instantly and turns to you, getting closer to you than he has in weeks. You face him slowly, eyes wavering a bit. His face has always been a soft-spot for you, staring at him makes you feel weak.
“Actually,” Seojoon stands up, gesturing for you to do the same, “two chairs might be more comfortable, yeah? Let’s go to my other room.”
You follow Seojoon to a small room with three chairs a small table in front of them. Jungkooks pulls seat out so they’re facing each other. When you look up to acknowledge him with deliberate eye-contact, for a moment he thinks you might be softening.
“I want you all to start with ‘I’ statements, tell your partner how you feel or how you felt in this case. Try to maintain eye-contact and truly listen to each other.”
“I’ll go first,” You volunteer because you want to get this over with.
“I feel alone and helpless when you go back to your old habits, I feel like you’re hiding things from me...” You find a way to keep your eyes-locked to his.
“I’m not asking you to be perfect but I just want you to make me feel special to you...Like you wouldn’t dream of being with someone else. Because I don’t think of loving anyone else, and trust me I’ve tried to imagine it but I can’t,” You bite your cheek to keep from crying, “you make it so hard to trust you. You don’t listen and you don’t change until it’s too late.”
Being emotionally inept is something you are both too good at. It’s difficult for you to share your true feelings with a clear mind, but when you do, you can never guess what will happen next.
“I feel trapped by you. I know I fucked everything up, okay? You don’t have to keep reminding me.” His tone is harsher than you anticipated.
“I’m trying to put in the fucking effort to help us, and I’m giving you time. But when you tell me you still want me but you won’t even let me come around, it’s confusing. You’re confusing, that’s just how I feel.” His brows furrow and you notice Seojoon watches the exchange intently.
“But I miss you and I want you back, I don’t want to take a break,” He leans forward with his hands firmly gripping your knees over your dress, “I know you think I’m an asshole but I try to change, I’m trying, you know I wouldn't bring you to this if I could think of any other way to prove that to you.” The strain in his voice only stirs more emotions inside of you.
“Jungkook,” Seojoon calls his name softly and Jungkook looks over as if he forgot he was there, “try not to engage in any physical, okay? It can be overwhelming.”
“Sorry,” He takes his hands from you and sits back, “that’s all I want to say.”
“Alright, well, um,” Seojoon clears his throat, eager to break the tension up a little bit, “unfortunately our session is up but I want to give you two a list of exercises and talking points. I know this was a consultation appointment but I want to give you some things to work on at home. I’ll have Kelly type up your homework, alright?”
“Okay, thank you,” you both thank the therapist but you get up with an urgency and leave the room before Jungkook can follow you. When you make it out to the waiting room, you spot the bathroom and you bolt to it. Before you have to spend a car ride with him, you need to get your emotions together.
“Mr. Jeon,” The receptionist calls him from the hall, “this is for you, you can bring it back to the next appointment for a discount.” Jungkook halfheartedly thanks her before going to the car. He doesn’t even know if there will be another session. He needs to smoke before you come out and you’ll freak if he smokes while you’re in the car.
“Why did I come here...” You look at the mirror and frown, you look so rough. It was nice to get everything out in the open but you knew he’d get intense eventually. Only when the toilet flushed did you remember that there were multiple stalls in here. When you look away from the mirror to fumble through your purse, just trying to avoid talking to her.
”Hi, how are you?”
“I’m okay, how are you?”
“Oh god, nervous, I’m nervous. Me and my husband, we’re newly weds, our appointment is in five minutes and I really don’t know what to expect. Did you have an appointment with your partner?”
“I did,” You sigh, “it was-...It was fine, don’t be nervous.” In your attempt to comfort her, you find your self in a highly hypocritical position. “Me and my boyfriend, we’re different so ours was a little- A little chaotic but I think it helped a little,” You hesitate, “I don’t know.”
“That makes me feel a little better, hopefully my husband behaves himself,” She tosses her wavy brown hair over her shoulder and smiles, “well, it was nice meeting you.”
It takes you a moment but you gather the strength to wave goodbye and go face your boyfriend.
”Excuse me, Miss, I think your husband forgot to grab this.” The receptionist waves you over and hands you a little folder.
”Oh,” You try to hide the blush forming on your cheeks. he’s not my- We’re not married.”
”Oh, I’m sorry! He only put his last name on the appointment so I thought it was your name as well. Sorry about that, have a great rest of your day.” She bids you farewell with a flustered smile.
When you walk outside, you see Jungkook leaning against the car. You thought he might’ve been smoking but you can’t detect any small. That’s a relief.
”You feeling okay?” He questions gently.
You nod, hopping in the car with the desire to be home already. He gets in the car and glances at you from the corner of his eye, he worries that this might have been too much for you.
“Where do you want to eat?”
“There’s a ramen place down the street, that’s fine with me.” You suggest, eyes trained on your phone.
The air in the car isn’t tense or stiff, its just quiet. There’s a lot to unpack from the session and you figured Jungkook was thinking through it too. That’s why when you two arrived at the ramen shop, took your seats, and placed your orders, the silence was getting to be a bit too awkward for you.
“I like the new hair, you’ve never gone this blonde before,” You glance up at him, trying to start a conversation, “it looks good.”
“Thanks, it was an impulsive thing. I heard you decided to get back into pairs,” He brings the coke to his lips, “I was surprised to hear that.”
“Oh, yeah,” You figured he would find out soon, “I’m back with Lucas for the season.”
“Good for you,” That’s not a reaction you were expecting from anti-pairs-skating Jungkook. Then again, you know him well enough to know that he’s probably keeping his true opinion to himself.
“The receptionist gave this to me,” You pull the paper out of your purse and show it to him, “I think it has additional information.”
“Let me see,” You hand it to him, “hm, soul-gazing? What the hell is that...” He reads over the description and it makes him giggle. “Nonverbal communication between lovers, allows couples to explore intimate places in the relationship. We do this already, but it’s a little more than eye contact,” He recalls those dreamy moments that he used to share with you so often, gazing at you with a smile.
“We can try that later maybe,” You avoid his smile with a glance out the window.
“Okay. So, about the session today, I hope you understood where I was coming from...I didn’t expect to say all that, I’m sorry if it was too much.”
“Don’t apologize, I wanted to hear how you felt.”
“I’m sorry,” He extends a hand out on the table, hoping you’ll take it, “I’ve thought about what I’ve done and I’ve tried to repent for it. But at the end of the day, it’s up to you. But just tell this once, you miss us, don’t you?”
“I do, Jungkook...It’s just, I’m in a tough spot and I don’t- I don’t want to disappoint anyone or myself.”
“You’re talking about your friends or your family?” He frowns at the thought of either party trying to discourage you.
“My family doesn’t know anything about this, it’s my friends who are concerned for me. They saw me get hurt and they don’t want to see it happen again, they want me to be happy.”
“Don’t listen to them, all they do is talk shit about me and try to tell you what you need. The only people who have a say in this relationship is you and me. We choose what makes us happy, not them.”
“But I’m not happy,” And it doesn’t change the fact that you’re still being judged, “I’ve actually been depressed when I think about us, when I think about what we used to have and what we have now, how did this happen?”
“I’m sorry I did this to you,” He sighs when you finally reach out to take his hand, “I never mean to hurt you,”
“I want you back so bad sometimes,” You break, letting your true feelings out to him, “but just because I want it doesn’t mean I should, it’s always been hard for me to separate the two.”
“That never stopped you before,” He flashes that smile, the one you fell so hard for on the roof of his car.
“Now look where I’m at,” You take your hand back, “going to therapy with you.”
*
*
Jungkook took you home and sunset had passed, it was already dark. You found yourself inviting him in, hugging him longer than you should have when he was on his way out. Why were you holding on to him so tight? His bomber jacket lands on the floor and you relish in his arms, you haven’t felt like this in a long time. Maybe it won’t hurt to let him in, indulge. It doesn’t take long before you let him kiss you for the first time in weeks. It feels new, it can happen a thousand times and it’ll always feel new.
But then your phone begins to ring and reality washes over you like a cold shower.
“Wait,” You pull away from the kiss and slide off of the counter to his dismay, “I need to get that-”
“Ignore it,” Jungkook cups your jaw, trying to persuade you with longing eyes, “please ignore it-”
“I can’t, it’s my mom, something might be wrong,” You quickly answer the phone and walk into the living room. “Hello?”
“Where are you?”
“I’m at home, is something wrong?”
“You forgot, didn’t you? Your brother Leo, you were supposed to pick him up so he could stay with you for the night. me and your dad had to take Milo to his Taekwondo tournament for the weekend.” Your mother stresses over the phone.
“I’m so sorry! Mom, seriously, I totally forgot,” This is the worst possible timing, “doesn’t Leo have his license, he can drive here, can’t he?”
“We have the car. Don’t worry about it, it’s handled now, his friend came by and he’s staying with him.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t know how that crossed my mind,” You can’t help but feel as if you’ve disappointed her by forgetting such a simple thing, “I’ve been busy, I’m prepping for the next season, I’m working and in school, it’s a lot right now-”
The conversation ends with a cold lecture from her and a solemn goodbye when she hangs up. You massage your temples, and look at Jungkook who’s coping with the best part of his day being ruined by a phone call.
“Everything okay?”
“I forgot to pick up my brother, my mom asked if he could crash here but I forgot all about it..”
“When have any of your siblings actually visited you? Except for your sister when she needs a babysitter.” Jungkook always sports a defensive tone when your family comes into the conversation.
“He’s only come over a few times. But he has friends who live over here so that’s normally why,” You take a deep breath. “She sounded frustrated so I know she’s upset.”
”Don’t stress about that,” He comes in close, wrapping his arms around your waist. “your mom shouldn’t beat you up about that, especially since she knows how much you have on your plate.” He smooths down your hair and kisses your forehead gently. That innocent forehead kiss quickly migrated down to your neck and you bite your tongue.
”Jungkook, please,” You get out of his embrace and leave him longing.
"Why do you keep pushing me away? I know you, this isn’t like you. You push me away but never for this long,” He follows you to your bedroom where you kick off your shoes and take off you cardigan. ”If you’re serious about making this work again, you’ve gotta help me out a little here.”
You feel him looming behind you, so close that you feel the warmth of him on your lower-back, or is that his hand?
“You’re here, aren’t you? I’m being really nice right now,” You step away from him, “but you need to stop.”
“Stop what?” He feigns ignorance.
“If that’s what you were hoping for you should just go,” You pick up his jacket and hand it to him, “it’s not happening.”
“Ok, but do you mind if I stay the night?”
You stare at him in disbelief for a moment, debating whether or not that’s a good idea.
“Why? It’s not even that late yet.”
“I don’t want to make the drive home, I’ll leave first thing in the morning.” He pleads, those big round eyes helping his case immensely.
“Fine. But you’re on the couch,” He looks a bit disappointed but he was expecting that, “I’m gonna shower, you can wait for me or use the guest bathroom if you want.”
With that, you walk off into your bedroom to get your clothes and then into the bathroom in the hall. Though you hesitated to let him stay, it’s really not a big deal now that you think of it. He’s stayed over more times than you can count so you feel no need to punish him by saying no.
Baby steps.
Jungkook falls into the couch, relieved and anxious—but mostly relieved. He was sure you were going to throw him out. When he hears the shower turn on, he begins to wonder what you might be thinking about, do you want him the way he wants you right now? If so, you’re hiding it pretty well. Just being in your home makes him feel comfortable and happy, that and your presence. You’ll be a while in the shower so he figures a few moments of relaxation on the balcony won’t hurt.
*
When you step out of the steamy bathroom, you hug your robe tightly to your body. Curious to see what he’s doing you peek out of the hall and see him on the balcony, shirt nowhere to be seen and smoke wafting from the little stick in his finger. Jungkook has always been a temptation, a forbidden fruit so to speak. You had one bite, and that’s all it took.
It’s a warm night, that’s probably why he’s showing all of the neighbors his tattooed glory, you giggle to your self at the thought. You run to your room to slip a t-shirt and shorts on so you can join him, you can indulge him in conversation at least.
“Hey, I was going to get a snack,” You open the sliding door and he looks back at you as he exhales a a cloud, “are you hungry?”
“I’m okay,” He puts it out in the ashtray, “thanks,”
“You didn’t have to put it out for me,” You step onto the patio and close the door behind you.
“I was done anyway,” He says that but he clearly wasn’t, he’s just being sweet, “how was your shower?”
“Good,” You sit beside him, “you can go ahead and shower if you want to, you know where your clothes are.”
“I will in a minute,” He looks out, enjoying the view of the city, “it’s beautiful out here...”
“Yeah,” You smile, reminiscing on the many moments you two have shared together on the balcony.
“So,” Jungkook sighs, probably reminiscing on the same thing, “do you want to do that exercise?...”
“Exercise?- Oh, the eye-contact thing, we can...” You turn to him and he does the same, “so, do we-”
“Shh,” He holds a finger to his lips, “we’re not supposed to talk,”
You swallow, eyes locked on his and his on yours. His eyes are so dreamy and mesmerizing, they always have been. This eye-contact is giving you a great excuse to analyze his face. The little mole under his lip, his cute nose and cheeks—you’re trying not to look at his body but it’s hard to do that right now.
He’s doing the same thing to you. Your eyes, nose, lips, he’s just taking it all in as if your a sculpture at a museum. Looking at each other like this reminds you both to see each other, to really see the human you both decided to love.
“Jungkook,” You know you’re not supposed to talk, “don’t cry...” You thumb the tears away from his cheeks, your motherly habits kicking in.
“Shit,” He wipes his cheeks, “I don’t know why I’m crying, I just-...I really love you, like, just staring at you really fucks me up.” He’s so emotional, it’s more endearing than anything.
You cup his jaw and kiss the apple of his cheek, then his lips. His hands are almost shaky when he reaches up to hold your face, you lead his hand to your face to let him know that you don’t mind.
“I love you too,” You breath, your head in the nape of his neck, “but I can’t do this, I shouldn’t...”
Once you realize you’re no longer in your own chair but in his, it’s too late to pretend you’re not equally as desperate. It escalates and the best and worst happens.
#quarters#jungkook angst#jungkook fluff#jungkook smut#jungkook x you#jungkook x y/n#bts angst#bts smut#bts fluff#bts x you#jimin angst#jimin fluff#jungkook boxer!au#jungkook au#jungkook ice skatin#I don't know what this ending is lol
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a moment apart | hacks analysis
i was recently asked what the inspiration for the song choice in my deborah/ava fanvid was, and after waxing poetic for far too long in response, i realized it was probably time for some real, hearty analysis on the subject. long post incoming!
a moment apart by odesza features only two lyrics: i love you most and i love you more now. i've always loved it because of its simplicity; how it puts forth this idea that you can love someone even more now than you did only a second ago. and, as most things do nowadays, it made me think of ava and deborah.
the overarching idea came to me pretty simply: not only are ava and deborah a moment apart from growing closer, understanding each other, falling in love, etc., but they're also a moment apart in their reflections of one another.
in the first shot, ava’s in the hallway on the way to deborah's dressing room. “what’s your favorite joke of mine?” deborah asks in the voiceover. ava doesn’t have an answer.
the music picks up here, and we see one of my favorite things in the entire show: the visual representation of deborah and ava's closeness. at first they're far apart; completely separate. then, as time goes on, close together as one. they sit—proximity wise—a moment apart.
deborah puts forth the idea of the baseline. the idea that you have to be more than good to make it, and even then it's hell. here, her career passes in the blink of an eye, beginning on top of the world before falling into the habit of trying to remain relevant. a very literal take on the idea of a moment apart in time.
then we get to the fun part: the descent. "you think you have nothing in common with deborah vance?" the man in the antique store yells. "you're the same!"
so much of ava and deborah's stories are paralleled. even so, it's important to remember that ava and deborah are not the same person. they're two sides of the same coin; a moment apart in their likeness. while they're alike in many ways, their reflections of one another are just a little off center.
and, even though they're different people, they do share a few similar traits. for one, they both have instances where they surprise each other in different ways—often in grand gestures.
they're both fiercely ambitious, many times doing what others would label as "too much" in order to get what they want/need in any situation.
they both hold each other in the highest regard. they look at each other with a certain reverence, valuing the past, present, and future versions of each other.
"trust me," ava pleads over the phone, and deborah rubs at her brow. "okay, okay," she replies. "i do." and it's clear by the visual difference in her life pre- and post-ava that she really does.
even her home comes to life when ava's in it. a certain warmth exudes not just from the space itself, but from deborah as well. it only takes a moment for the room to fill, the colors to change, the world to brighten.
but just as things get good, they get bad again. what seems to be a recurring pattern for the two of them. fortunately for deborah and ava, 'fight' and 'forgiveness', too, are only a moment apart.
as the video comes to a close, we settle back on where we began. ava exits the hallway, approaching deborah as she sits in front of her mirror. they exist now in the same space.
"you can make anything funny," ava says. because now, only a moment apart from the beginning, she knows the answer to deborah's question; knows which joke of hers is her favorite.
she stands there, hesitantly, as the screen cuts to black. the answer stares back at all of us:
every. single. one.
#hacks hbo#hacks#deborah x ava#ava x deborah#i have more thoughts but tumblr limits me to ten pictures#and i'm not about that AT ALL!#so. hope you all enjoy this essay <3#and watch the video if you haven't already!#let me know what you think ;-;
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so pretty
so pretty ❘ eddie kaspbrak x reader.
a/n: so this was already in the works but then it was requested by an anon - omg can u do eddie smut bae, like i just read ur eddie imagine.
* i hope this lives up to what they wanted. also !! i loved writing this so thanks for pushing me to finish it. :)
summary: in which eddie changes his look and overcomes his anxiety which causes him to gain the confidence he needed to finally make a bold move on his best friend(reader).
warnings: some fluff, mainly s m u t. <3
contains: blonde!!dom!eddie, teasing, begging, hair tugging, fingering, degradation, rough, and unprotected sex.
* all characters ( including reader ) of the loser's club are seniors and 18 in this one-shot.
~ 2.8k words.
in january, the day after winter break of your senior year was when everything started to change for you. it was when eddie decided to move out of sonia's home and into richie's. he'd had enough of his mom and her crazy theories of how he was gaining new sicknesses. though, it was also when he blossomed into the person he was meant to be.
eddie walked into derry high early that morning with his brunette curls now dyed blonde, a dark shirt resting over a pair of ripped jeans, and with his fingernails painted black. every girl turned and glanced, and only realized it was eddie kaspbrak after a double take. he didn't care about those glances or the glares from the boyfriends of the girls who stared at him. all he was worried about was how you would think of him and his new look.
the other six members of the club knew of his crush on you for years. even richie was jealous when you joined the group but that evaporated when the three of you became the inseparable trio. you had a teasing sibling bond with richie, who always made you laugh at his new jokes. though with eddie, it was anything but platonic.
you and eddie weren't exactly just friends but it wasn't labeled as any kind of relationship either. when you hung out at the houses of the other members for movie nights, he always sat next to you and cuddled. or at parties, he stood behind you the whole time with his arms wrapped around your waist and chin resting on the top of your head.
what the losers really questioned was when you all hung out and why two friends held hands in public. they didn’t even know that you also kissed his cheek when he walked you home. though a couple of times, eddie’s cheek accidentally turned and you ended up kissing him on the lips instead. neither you or eddie broke wanted to break the kisses at first and almost always continued it for a good moment or two.
unfortunately for either of you, the kisses were never talked about. this because of the constant anxiety over potentially ruining the friendship. then again it was eddie. you were comfortable with him and knew he wouldn't hurt you or go behind your back.
some days you subtly watched him (or so you thought) when he was talking, smiling, or laughing, and you wondered if he was your soulmate. richie and beverly would catch you staring and see how much your eyes shined while gazing at him. it was a weird limbo that you've constantly tangoed with him for the past year and a half. neither wanting to overstep but constantly doing it anyway without realizing.
it was almost like the two of you were meant to be and everything was easy. eddie knew you like the back of his hand. his very attractive hands that were covered with rings now. holyshit.
when he found you, you were going through the books in your locker. he walked up to you and slipped his arm around your waist. you smelled his cologne and leaned back into his chest, smiling that he was in your presence. eddie leaned around your side to peck a quick kiss on your cheek and that's when you noticed the blonde from the corner of your eye.
you turned around so quickly that eddie thought it gave you whiplash. you didn’t let the quick dizziness bother you and instead put your fingers through his hair. he let out a small groan at how good the small massage was and bent his knees so he could come down to your level. eddie was face to face with you and he could easily make out how memorized you were by his curls. "oh my god eds!" when you finally let go, he frowned. “is that good or bad?” he laughed nervously.
eddie grabbed your hand back from when you placed it at your side and interlocked your fingers with his. you looked down at your joined hands and curled your fingers around his tightly to give a good squeeze of reassurance and he calmed instantly. “definitely good eds, definitely.” eddie smiled sheepishly and blushed in return from your acknowledgement.
the other six members of the loser’s club stood down the hall and could see how red his cheeks were by the close proximity. "he’s lapping it up." stan rolled his eyes and spoke up to break the silence from the group watching you and eddie converse. “o-oh shu-ut it,” bill instantly knew stan was jealous that he wasn’t getting any attention from his boyfriend. the stuttering eighteen-year-old put his arm around the curly blonde-haired that he loved and it hushed him. bill smirked and watched him blush when he kissed stan’s cheek.
richie looked around at the other couples and realized he and mike were the only single one’s left. at least he hadn’t taken a ‘vow’ of celibacy like stan suggested he should do. “you think y/n will put in a good word for me with sonia when she finally gets with eddie?” richie asked and patted mike’s back which he swatted right off of him.
beverly retrieved the purse from her locker and unzippered it to grab her chapstick. she looked over at the other’s and mumbled in response. “define finally because that could be tomorrow, a week from now, or even years at this rate.”
and that’s how it went the next couple of weeks. you and eddie would take two steps forward and then two steps back. it was a constant annoyance and the bet between the other’s grew higher every day. richie bet all of his paycheck from the arcade that he now worked at and beverly bet a couple bucks from her work at the movie theater. even bill chimed in and bet some of money he earned from the drawings that he sold to a store down in town. it was complete chaos and yet the two of you were still oblivious.
or so the other’s thought, while the eight of you were at a party now. you and eddie were both a little tipsy from drinking earlier and he was dancing rather closely with you. your small hands were placed around his neck and fingers once again laced throughout his hair.
he held your sides delicately and his rings glistened when they hit the light. eddie's smile was infectious and every time without fail when you looked at him, you caught yourself and looked down with flushing cheeks. what the hell is happening? why does this feel different than any other time?
finally, after the third time of you doing this, he smirked knowing the effect he had on you and took one of his hands from your waist. the blonde placed his finger on the bottom of your chin and tilted your head up slowly. your eyes widened when they reached his and you tried turning but he held your gaze firm. “what’s the matter sweetheart?” he inquired so casually as if you weren’t trying to squeeze your thighs together.
his brown eyes stared into yours, a unique shade that he always claimed was his favorite color. as he waited for your reply he glanced down and took in your outfit. he admired the way your dress hugged your curves in just the right places. you swallowed nervously at how close in contact you were and the fact you felt like he was looking right into your soul. even though you knew it that belonged with his from the start of your friendship.
other people in school always talked in the hallways about how they thought you were soulmates and even about lying. they thought you were actually together but in denial with telling everyone because of how much you and eddie always clung to each other. like right now, you danced with him and watched as he took in a glimpse of you while feeling like your whole body was on fire. “nothing’s wrong eds, promise.”
mike and stan stood off to a corner and waited for bill and richie to bring them back drinks. beverly and ben were in their own little bubble dancing a few feet away from you and eddie. mike watched beverly and ben dance then looked at the two of you, raising an eyebrow in stan’s direction. “what’s up with them?” the curly haired one looked away from mike to see you two dancing then back at him, rolling his eyes and taking the drink from bill’s hand. “i think the bet is ending tonight.”
richie dumped back his beer and input his own comment about the current topic. “hell yes! then i’m one step closer to being off the market.” he snickered but fell quiet when a girl walked by and left a lingering smell of peach fragrance behind. “b-beep beep richie!” bill nudged the trashmouth who only escalated his behavior and risked bumping into irritable stan’s shoulder.
thankfully bill’s boyfriend simply brushed it off but by doing that quite literally so, which caused richie to wholeheartedly laugh at the dramatics. trashmouth put his red cup in the area towards your direction, signaling for the others to look and they nodded. shit eating grins were on each of their faces and for once, everybody was in agreeance.
eddie glanced over at the four and shook his head. you followed his movement and chuckled at richie being over the top as usual. “want to get out of here?” he asked. it was common for the two of you to sneak off and be in your own little world with him. you smiled and let go of his neck and held out your hand for him to take. he grasped onto it and let you lead him out from the small crowd in the living room.
ten minutes later, you were sitting on eddie’s bed in his temporary room at richie’s house. you grabbed his hand and played around with the rings on his fingers. one of them caught your eye and he noticed, making a mental note to give it to you later. “so, what did you mean by the comment earlier?” you asked and cursed at the twinkle in the blonde’s eye. he gripped your side to pull you closer and your breath hitched when he leaned into the crook of your neck.
eddie placed a feather-like kiss onto the sweet spot of your shoulder and instant goosebumps appeared all over your soft skin. you cleared your throat before you could let yourself talk incoherently. eddie grinned into your skin before looking up at you and you almost fainted at the dazed look. whispering hoarsely, you asked him, “are you sure?”
eddie nodded and that was all you needed to lean into his kissable lips. he put his hand on your cheek and moved in closer. you moaned when his tongue touched yours and he smirked. your teeth clunked with his when you roughly gripped the blonde strands on the nape of his neck. he broke apart from your lips and moved to push your shirt up, which you helped in doing and then greeted his lips again for another rough kiss. eddie palmed your perfectly molded chest and you let out a whine.
he chuckled and kissed your neck and then slowly made his way down. eddie started at the middle of where your breasts met and you shivered when his warm breath touched you. “you have no idea how-” kiss. “long,” kiss. “i’ve, kiss. “wanted,” kiss. “to,” kiss. “do,” kiss. “this,” kiss.
your body practically spasmed at the euphoria feeling of him worshipping your body. he unclipped your bra and kissed the top of your left and right breasts. moving down more, he also kissed the middle of your stomach and on each side of your waist as he slid down your ripped shorts. it was when you felt like you could orgasm from just that alone when he kissed the inside of your thighs.
“ok, ok eds. i think we’ve waited long enough!” you tried to hold on his hair to get him up from his position and for him to quicken the movements but, the smug bastard ducked at your attempt. eddie knew what he was doing when he slowly slid down your panties. he slipped a finger over your folds and you groaned when you knew that eddie now knew how easily he turned you on.
“this all for me sweetheart?” you rolled your eyes, a classic stan move but it was ruined when you smiled embarrassingly. “no eds. sorry it’s for richie.” he glared playfully at you and pulled his shirt up and off in a seductive way that shut you up instantly. holyshit. when did he start working out? he unbuttoned his pants and shoved them down, stepping out of them. your mouth watered at the sight of him after he took off his boxers.
he admired the sight of you all spread out for him then climbed back over on top of you. your skin tingled when his finger tip brushed inside your body. “so pretty, sweetheart.” eddie kissed you again with everything he had and you melted into him when he fingered faster. you felt how hard and ready he was for you when you pressed up into him after he angled and curled two fingers inside of you. he swallowed your gasps at the feeling of him continuously hitting your g-spot. “please.” you whined into his mouth.
he looked at you and how pretty you were, which you could say the same about him but there wasn’t enough time to do so when you felt him lining up and pressing against you. eddie pushed inside of you slowly at first. it was almost painful but it stopped when you grabbed his hair and begged for him to go faster. he grabbed your wrists and put them above your head and quickened his pace inside you.
you babbled and chanted his name when his hips hit yours harshly. eddie leaned down to kiss your shoulder and grinned wolfishly at the way you looked. “you look so pretty like this, y/n. vulnerable and breathless under me. such a good girl.” it was so overwhelming and attractive that you gripped him in a vice at the comment. it was still baffling at the fact that your best friend was fucking you. “i bet richie couldn’t fuck you like this.” you looked at him with widened eyes but didn’t deny the comment so he continued going.
“you’re my dirty girl, aren’t you?” he wanted a response so he grabbed a big section of your hair and tugged. you nodded as he slammed into you repeatedly and you could feel a bundle in your belly working you up. eddie scooted closer in between while moving himself inside and out of you and kneeled in between your legs. he smirked at your helpless look and pushed your legs apart even further to spread them open for him.
he looked down at you on display just for him and he moved his hand to position it down and on top of your clit. he flicked it once before rubbing and you gasped. seconds later after a few more pumps inside of you is when you released all over him with him closely following. he looked down at you with a blissful face and kissed your puffed lips that were smeared with red lipstick. eddie collapsed next to you on the side of the bed and turned on his side to look at you.
the sight of you still took his breath away. even with the smeared lip stick and messy hair. he desperately wanted to make you his.“i hope it wasn’t too much?” you poked eddie’s side at his question and he laughed. “no way eds, it was perfect.” you smiled. he cupped your face and looked into your eyes. “i know it’s kind of past asking but do you want to be my girlfriend y/n/n/?”
the next morning, you were in your boyfriend’s arms and holding a mug of coffee in your hands. the two of you broke apart at the sound of a door shutting and of course, richie appeared. he took in your appearance with eddie’s arm wrapped dangerously low around your waist. you looked at the trashmouth who was wearing a wrinkly shirt, along with his hair being all disheveled and poking up in different directions.
“long night?” you asked. he snickered and pointed at ed’s your shirt and in a cocky attitude retorted back at you. “more like great night but it looks like you did too.” richie quickly walked by before you had the chance to reply. he wanted to call the others about the bet money while changing for school. before he shut his bedroom door though, richie smirked at the question eddie asked you.
“is that peaches i smell?” you shook your head at ed’s question and his hold on you tightened at your mocking. he smiled at you when you leaned back into his arm and angled your head upwards for another kiss. who knew he could have his best friend and girlfriend all in one?
© babytortie on tumblr + wattpad.
#it 2017#it 2019#stanley uris#stanley uris it#richie tozier it#trashmouth tozier#it chapter 1#it chapter one#it chapter 2#it chapter two#eddie kaspbrak#richie tozier#eddie kaspbrak it#bill denbrough#bill denbrough it#it richie tozier#it eddie kaspbrak#it stanley uris#stan uris#love#romance#fluff#derrymaine#the losers club#thelosersclub imagine#eddie kaspbrak x reader#eddie x reader#kaspbrak x reader#the losers x reader
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A Song Among the Stars
Chapter count: 2/?
Rating: Mature 🔞
Relationships: Grand Admiral Thrawn/Original Female Character
Tags:
Space Opera (literally)
Slow Burn
Slow Romance
Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con
Never by thrawn
Sexual Tension
Mix of Legends and Canon
Art Enthusiast Thrawn | Mitth'raw'nuruodo
Thrawn | Mitth'raw'nuruodo is protective of his muse
Ballroom Dancing
Imperial Star Destroyers (Star Wars)
Imperial Officers (Star Wars)
Angst and Romance
Canon-Typical Violence
Chiss (Star Wars)
Chiss Ascendancy (Star Wars)
Masquerade
The Empire shows off
Imperial style
Phantom of the Opera AU if you squint
Thrawn finds his muse
Total word count: 5,506
Chapter 1: Overture
Song suggestion: Reflections- Toshifumi Hinata
I lingered in the bath, fully understanding that I was only delaying the inevitable. The warm, aromatic water swirled around me as I began to dread the next few hours. Soon, the handmaidens assigned to prepare me for tonight would arrive to ensure my compliance.
At an earlier point in my life, I would have resisted all of their attempts to shove me into the various gowns, gems, and the absolutely appalling shoes that had been chosen for me. I had actually bitten the first girl that tried to change my outfit forcibly.
The handmaidens were all extremely wary of me after that incident, but, somehow, three of them had managed to become my only true friends on Coruscant. Despite my best intentions to hate everyone, Talle, Kaia, and Ahni were the only ones who bothered to understand my story.
Though each of us was from a different planet, we had all been taken from our homes by the Empire. We all served high-ranking Imperials, but my main role was different. I was a piece of Imperial propaganda. I was painted as the poor girl from the Outer Rim whose singing talent was discovered by the Empire and given a place to shine for the whole galaxy to see.
My train of thought was immediately interrupted by the sound of three very familiar sets of footsteps entering my room and a sing-song voice that rang out, “Oh Lyra! It seems that you’re stuck with us yet again.”
I let out a genuine snort before retaliating. “Kaia, you know nobody else wants to be anywhere near biting distance of me. You’d have to be personally requested by Lady Tarkin before anyone would consider switching jobs with you, and that’s saying something.”
I suddenly shuddered as I remembered my last encounter with her. Thankfully it had been brief, but it had still felt like an eternity. “That woman is so unpleasant.”
The second voice jokingly mused, “I don’t know, sometimes you can be almost as miserable as her. Now come on out of the bath. We have to start getting you ready.”
“Just five more minutes Talle.” I groaned, “I can just feel that tonight will be particularly long.”
Kaia laughed as she poked her head into the refresher and handed me a mug. “Somehow, I knew you’d say that, and that’s why we’re here ten minutes early.” Her eyes sparkled with mischief. “Before you even begin to ask about it, here’s your shig.”
I shot Kaia a friendly scowl before immediately perking up at the mention of my favorite tea. I had always been partial to caf, but there was nothing better than a steaming cup of herbal tea before a performance. The citrusy scent of the behot immediately filled the small room, and holding the warm mug in my hands was instantly comforting. I let out a sigh of pure bliss, “Stars, you are a wonderful friend.”
Kaia winked before exiting the refresher. “Oh, I know.”
As I enjoyed the last few minutes of my bath, the tea brought back memories of my home. Before the Empire had taken me, a cup of shig and a hot bath would have been considerably rare, and the chances of both happening on the same day, even rarer.
Back on Ero, life was more mundane. My father always had quality goods on hand, but as a trader, he couldn’t just let his daughter drink all of his products. There were also no fancy bathtubs because they were a waste of precious drinking water, so almost everyone used sonic showers instead. I could resent the Empire all I wanted to, but there was no denying that I was at least well provided for. Somehow that made me hate my captivity even more.
I gripped my mug as I fought the other memories that tried to resurface. It had gotten easier to push them down as the years passed, but the pain was still there. Flashes of my capture, my time spent held on a Star Destroyer, the captain that had trapped me in his quarters…... The last thing I needed was to slip back into these memories.
Then there was a gentle hand on my shoulder. The sudden presence made me jump, but I saw Ahni’s smiling face when I looked up. Her face was both a comfort and a constant reminder that the Empire had hurt many people besides me. She had a beautiful deep green complexion marred by the scars from her capture that ran across her face and entire body. Ahni rarely spoke, but she was still extraordinarily expressive and always had ways to make her emotions known. Realization flashed across her face before she bent down and hugged me.
We shared an understanding moment of silence before Kaia yelled in from the other room. “Come on, Ly! We have to get you into all this kriffing fabric sometime today. I heard that we managed to get one of the better options, but tonight everything is special, so there’s more to do than usual.”
Stars, I almost forgot, I mentally berated myself. Tonight’s not only the biggest party I’ve been expected to perform at so far, but it’s the kriffing Masquerade too.
I immediately began cursing under my breath in every trade language I knew as I leapt from the bathtub, wrapped a robe around myself, and ran out of the refresher, closely followed by a very amused Ahni.
My apartment was quite lovely for basically being a prison. I had a plush bed with privacy curtains, a small vanity, a bedside table, a closet filled with outfits, and a tiny enclosed balcony. Having a private refresher made it very close to luxury.
I walked over to the vanity and had a seat. I had been prepared for Imperial events far too many times and knew the procedure that was about to happen by heart. I used to protest that I could get ready myself, but preparing for an Imperial ball required way more thought and perfection than anything else and by now, I put my trust in Kaia, Talle, and Ahni.
Tonight demanded absolute perfection.
The Masquerade was a collection and celebration of the Empire’s most significant members, and my role was to be the sparkling gem in the center of everything. I knew my true purpose tonight involved way more than my renowned singing ability. My presence tonight was pure propaganda. I was a message to every person on every planet in the Empire. This could be you. The Empire is generous. If this insignificant girl from the Outer Rim could be here, you could be here too.
I had already been warned about the consequences if I fell short of what was required tonight.
Hours later, the process was finally complete. Talle had powdered, colored, and shaded my face to her precise standards. She had even filled my lips in with a deep red pigment and darkened my eyelashes to complement my icy blue eyes. Not to be outdone, Kaia had coaxed my long blonde hair into an elegant, intricate updo inlaid with black and white quartz.
The dress came last, and it was stunning. When Ahni opened my closet, I almost couldn’t believe my eyes. Whoever had selected it had undoubtedly wanted me to stand out. There would be no shortage of finery tonight, but I was to be resplendent.
Talle was completely astonished for a long moment before she spoke, “I do believe this is the least horrid thing they’ve picked out for you.”
Ahni nodded vigorously in agreement while Kaia and I remained utterly speechless. The dress was breathtaking, even just on the mannequin.
Getting into the dress was a three-person endeavor, but the struggle was utterly worth it. The long, form-fitting black dress perfectly hugged every curve from the floor up before tapering just slightly above my cleavage. There, the material shifted to the left, wrapped behind my neck, and then formed a sleeve that draped down my entire right arm. However, the most remarkable thing about the dress was the fabric. Any and every way that I moved caused the material to shimmer like the thousands of stars twinkling in the night sky.
I was provided a single thick, gold cuff for my left wrist, and even though the hem of the dress would cover them, heeled slippers made out of the same fabric as the dress.
Talle smiled and carefully handed me the final missing piece. “Now, now,” she jested, “you can’t go to a masquerade without this.”
The mask she handed me was so intricately ornate that it easily could have been mistaken for black lace, but it was actually made from a lightweight metal inlaid with dozens of sparkling diamonds. When I put it on, it rested just above my nose to conceal the upper half of my face beautifully.
As Kaia secured the whole thing in my hair with more pins and gemstones, Ahni produced a floor-length mirror from the closet. In my performances on Eros, I had worn dresses that were considered elegant in the Outer Rim, but there was no way they could ever compare to this. For the first time in my life, I was stunned at my appearance. I had never been overly confident, but now I felt absolutely beautiful.
Talle laughed, “Just try not to stop any hearts tonight. The Empire might lose important officers, and then we’d all be in trouble for making you look this good.”
Kaia placed a hand over her mouth to stifle her snickering, and Ahni looked highly amused by the thought.
I just rolled my eyes, “I think their partners would probably get to me first.”
That sent everyone over the edge, and we all laughed to the point of tearing up. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Ahni went over to open it, and two officers decked out in their Imperial best stepped into the room. The shorter officer locked eyes with me and blushed furiously before looking away.
The taller one finally spoke, “Good evening Miss. We will be your escorts for the night. If you wouldn’t mind following us, we have a speeder waiting to take us to the venue.”
I smiled at the officer, “Thank you, I appreciate it. If you wouldn’t mind waiting outside, I’ll finish up and be out in a second.”
He nodded and signaled to the other man. They stepped outside, and I immediately pulled Ahni, Talle, and Kaia into a big hug. “Thank you all for your help and for being my friends; you make this so much more bearable. I’ll see you when I get back tonight.”
After a few seconds, we broke apart and finished our goodbyes. I smiled at my friends one last time before walking out of the room to join the officers.
________________________________________________
Chapter 2: Aria
Orchestra tuning: The Imperial March (Glory of the Empire)
Lyra’s final song: Roméo et Juliette, CG 9 Act 1: “Ah, je veux vivre danse ce rève” sung by Aida Garifullina
*TW* brief Attempted assault/non-con towards the end of the chapter
The officers outside of my door stood so close that I almost ran headfirst into the taller one when I stepped out.
“Apologies, Miss, we thought you’d be a little longer,” the man managed as he smoothly sidestepped me before acknowledging his previous blunder, “It also seems like we’ve forgotten to introduce ourselves.”
He briefly paused to take his place beside his partner before continuing. “My name is Captain Dreycolt, and this is Lieutenant Arkmad. It’s an absolute pleasure to make your acquaintance and we both actually have you to thank for our presence at the Masquerade tonight.”
Arkmad, who was still noticeably red in the face, nodded sagely. “None of the higher-ranking officers wanted to be stuck with a job at the party; however, the rest of us were fighting to even be included. We happened to fall at the perfect place on the pecking order,” he smiled slyly.
I raised a single eyebrow at Arkmad and gave him my most saccharine smile, “Well, I’m glad that this will be an enjoyable job for you, even though you’re stuck with me.”
His face flushed several shades deeper, and he started to stammer. “M-My apologies M-Miss. I n-never meant to imply….”
Dreycolt promptly tapped him on the shoulder to cut him off before turning back to me and smoothly taking my hand. In one fluid motion, he leaned forward, slowly raised it to his lips, and gallantly kissed the top of my hand. He smiled up at me through lowered lashes, “However, any job that is this beautiful couldn’t possibly be so bad.”
Now it was my turn to blush and I prayed the mask hid most of it because Dreycolt was definitely an attractive man. His caramel-colored hair was neatly trimmed with darker eyebrows and eyelashes framing his warm amber eyes. The uniform he wore fit him exceptionally well, and the slight stubble on his chin tickled my hand as he pressed his lips to it. After what felt like an eternity, he released his grip, and my hand returned to my side.
There was no doubt Dreycolt’s distraction from his lieutenant’s blunder had worked as intended. I could tell he knew as much from the slight smile that tugged at the corner of his lips.
“You flatter me, Captain. If all Imperial officers are as pleasant as you, perhaps tonight will be more enjoyable than I expected.”
Of course, all officers aren’t as kind or practiced in flattery, I thought darkly. These two seem bearable enough to talk to, so I’m at least grateful for that. After all, they’ll be keeping me company for most of the night when I’m not on the stage.
His annoyance at the situation briefly flashed in Arkmad’s eyes before he cleared his throat. He did not seem to enjoy being sidelined for his misstep.
“We should be on our way by now,” he chided. “The airspeeder has priority clearance to travel outside of normal traffic lanes, but I don’t want to explain why the Empire’s star performer is late for her practice time with the orchestra.”
He was, of course, right. Dreycolt jokingly bowed and gestured out into the hallway. “Lead the way, Miss.”
With the Captain and Lieutenant flanking me, I walked through the twisting hallways of the building towards the balcony where our airspeeder was docked.
I was still somewhat dreading the Masquerade, but at least the ride would be pleasant and I would even get to see the sky again. It sounded like such a small thing to enjoy, but coming from Ero to Coruscant was a massive shock in so many ways. I could always see the sky and the stars glittering at night in the Outer Rim but Coruscant was a completely different story.
Though my apartment was beautiful, it was nowhere near the skyline. I played an important role, but it was definitely not important enough for me to live among the rich and powerful. The towering buildings above me kept all traces of natural light from finding my little room, and while artificial light was better than living in the dark, it held no comparison to the real thing.
When we reached the airspeeder, Dreycolt jumped into the driver’s seat, and Arkmad helped me into the back before taking his place in the seat beside him. At the press of a button, a smooth, clear dome slid overhead and enclosed the craft.
I couldn’t resist making a joke. “For both your sakes, I’m glad there’s a roof. You would have to deal with my very unhappy hairstylist if her work was ruined.”
Dreycolt let out a deep-chested laugh, and even Arkmad’s stormy facade cracked into a smile before the airspeeder pulled away from the building, and we were finally on our way.
Since I was expected to be at the venue early to rehearse, night had not yet taken over the cityscape. The sky was cloudy as usual, but light still fell to glisten and reflect across the tops of the tallest buildings. The view was absolutely breathtaking.
I all but shoved my face against the clear dome to take in all of the incredible scenes spread out below. Thousands of speeders, taxis, and transports wove around the many buildings, each with a different purpose and destination. I was beyond captivated by all the people and their freedom to go wherever they pleased, whenever they wanted to.
Before I knew it, we had arrived at one of the most palatial homes on the highest level I had ever seen. Dreycolt stopped the speeder at the balcony, although calling it a balcony was a massive understatement, and Arkmad helped me out onto the landing. I had become accustomed to the splendor displayed by the most influential Imperials, but this was on another level entirely.
An enormous garden lay spread out beyond the balcony’s opulent landing pad. The path we walked down extended its way throughout the entirety of the grounds and wrapped around a massive central fountain before it continued up into a set of stairs that I could only guess led to the main ballroom.
Statues depicting the most famous Imperial victories lined both sides of the walkway, which eventually branched off to different garden sections on each side. Upon closer inspection, the central fountain proudly displayed the Imperial Crest carved into stone so dark it could’ve been mistaken for a solid shadow.
Every single hedge, bush, or flower we could see was maintained to standards of perfection that would impress even the Admiralty of the Imperial Navy. The sweet scent of the many exotic flowers lingered in the air, and the sounds of water trickling from the fountain made the garden almost seem peaceful.
Dreycolt let out a low whistle that made both the lieutenant and I jump. Evidently, he had passed the speeder off to another officer while we were distracted. “Stars. I had heard the constant squabbling over who would get to host led to an amazing result, but this is insane.”
Arkmad nodded, “Someone told me the Emperor personally picked the host and venue. I have no idea who was picked, but they certainly did an outstanding job with the preparations.”
“I wish I were able to walk around,” I sighed wistfully. “It’s been years since I’ve been in a real garden.”
Dreycolt smiled, “Well, Miss, perhaps after your performance, we can arrange that.”
The grin that crept across my face was hard to hide as that simple thought became all of the encouragement I needed to get through the night. As the three of us began the walk to the ballroom, I realized that whoever had designed the path had done so with women’s shoes in mind, as it was completely smooth and comfortable to walk on. Kriffing hell, they really thought of it all.
Before long, we reached the top of the stairs and entered the ballroom. I didn’t think anything would outshine the garden, but I was so very very wrong. The garden was the pinnacle of control and order, but the ballroom exuded absolute elegance.
As we reached the top of the stairs, another officer was waiting to announce our arrival, but I was so captivated by my surroundings that I barely heard what he said. Beyond him was the main dance floor. It looked to be made out of the same dark stone as the fountain, but it was polished so thoroughly you could easily see your reflection looking back at you if you looked down. At the far end of the room, a small but wide set of stairs led up to the stage where the orchestra was busily setting up. More stairs just inside the entrance led to the upper floor, which was filled with tables draped in brilliant white cloths for people to sit and enjoy the spectacle of the dancing below them. A massive, crystalline chandelier hung over the ballroom and blood-red sashes decorated the balconies.
There was so much more to see, but, unfortunately, I wasn’t there to spectate.
As I walked up to the stage, I stopped to greet the conductor of the orchestra; Skath Farri was an old friend from the conservatory where I had trained. He was invited to Coruscant for his considerable talents and was never permitted to leave. Now, he conducted the Imperial Orchestra. No one could know our relationship was anything more than professional, or we’d never see each other again.
“Ly! You look gorgeous, my dear.” He greeted me with the usual platonic kiss on the cheek and inconspicuous wink. “Are you ready to shine tonight?”
That was his unique way of checking in on me. He was very aware that I had never entirely given my voice, or heart, to the Empire. I followed orders and sang the songs they wanted, but the emotion that drove my greatest performances was still in the Outer Rim. There was a marked difference between my performances here and Ero, but only someone like Skath would ever notice. I still played my part of the obedient songbird, but I refused to give them all of me.
I smiled back at him. “Just about as ready as I’ll ever be. They sent me a rather impressive list of everything I’m to perform tonight. At the very least, I came prepared.”
Skath just smiled knowingly before he shooed me onto the stage to begin warming up with the orchestra. Time seemed to stop as I rehearsed, but before long, the guests started to arrive and I was sent over to wait in my spot in the backstage wings until it was time to perform.
I could only see the stage, but I heard names, both familiar and not, being announced upon their entrance. The ballroom began to fill with voices as the guests trickled in. All of a sudden, a musical cue played, and the room went deathly silent. A ghostly hologram flickered to life in the center of the stage, and the shadowy form of the Emperor appeared.
“Welcome, my friends. I trust you will all enjoy tonight as a celebration worthy of our great Empire.” He paused for applause before continuing. “Now, it is my wish that you use this time to reflect on the victories that brought us to this moment. I assure you there will be many more in the future.”
The Emperor stood for even more cheering before holding up his hand to silence the crowd. “Now, let my Masquerade begin!”
His hologram flickered slightly before disappearing altogether as the lights dimmed, cuing me to get on stage. I walked out to stand in the center of the stage, and as soon as I reached my place, the lights slowly returned to their former brilliance.
I was no stranger to performing, but having every single Imperial in the room staring at me was enough to give me butterflies in my stomach. Thankfully, before they could settle in, Skath cued the orchestra to begin with a flick of his baton. The opening notes of the first piece, a current favorite on Coruscant, swelled to life, and I began to sing.
Almost immediately, the officers and politicians turned to their spouses or began to venture off in search of a dance partner. The crowded dance floor began to clear slightly, as others had no interest in dancing and were only there to make connections. The first song ended with tremendous applause, and I began the second. You can do this. Just take it one piece at a time.
By now, I was calm enough to enjoy myself and to watch the dancing and it quickly became apparent that everyone in attendance had tried their best to impress. The ladies wore beautiful, elaborate dresses made out of the best materials and representing the latest fashions from every corner of the Empire. Politicians displayed the most richly colored and finely tailored clothing they owned and Imperial officers were in their usual dress uniforms, but no one was seen without a mask.
There were all kinds of masks on display. Some were crafted entirely from gems or precious materials to show off resources from their home planet. Others pulled designs from legendary animals or myths. There were even some covered in exotic feathers or flowers, but every mask was distinctive in its own way.
Hours passed as I continued to sing. Slowly but surely, I made my way through the extensive list of songs on the program until only one remained. The last song required using a specialized instrument, so I retreated to the wings for some water while it was being set up.
Suddenly, Skath appeared and sprinted towards me. He spun me around to face him fully, and I was in shock at how frazzled he looked. Even his voice was strained. “Lyra, you have to trust me. I have no idea who asked for this, but they were important enough to change the final song we planned. Every member of the orchestra was given the new sheet music, and a stand was set out for you.”
“They want me to sight-read a piece on a night as important as this?!” I gasped indignantly at the thought.
Skath’s face was grim. “No. You’ll know it, but you won’t be happy about it. We don’t have any time left, so we’ve got to get back on stage. For what it’s worth….. I’m so sorry.”
My stomach sank. If he was this upset… I had no idea what to expect. However, there was no choice but to walk back to my place on stage and pretend nothing had even happened. With every step, the sinking feeling in my stomach grew.
It was so much worse than I ever could’ve expected. There was no way anyone here besides Skath should know about this song, but here it was in front of me. It was my favorite piece of music and the only one I’d sworn to keep from the Empire forever. The piece that had been the star of my first major performance on Ero after I left the conservatory.
Before I could even finish my thought, the orchestra cued up. The first few notes began, and every single one of them felt like a knife to the heart. My muscle memory kicked in, and before I even knew it, I was singing.
Thoughts flew through my head while I choked my way through the opening verse. What would I do? Do I keep my promise and hold back, or do I seize the chance I was forced into and truly sing from my heart? Memories of Ero, my family, and my friends all returned as the song continued. My voice began to flow over the music as I made it my own. I remembered my father’s smile and how proud he’d been of me for my music.
Courage suddenly coursed through me like liquid fire. I’d show every kriffing Imperial here what a daughter of the Outer Rim was truly capable of! I was wrong to hold back my emotions before. They could take me, bring me to this place, and shove me on a stage, but they could never control my voice. The Empire wanted me to be their emotionless puppet. My voice wasn’t exactly quiet before, but now it rose to fill the entire ballroom. I was going to burn myself into the mind of every Imperial present. Whoever requested this song would not see me subdued; they would see me triumphant. I poured every ounce of bottled-up emotion into my music, and my voice soared. Then, I had sung the final note, and it was all over.
You could’ve heard a code cylinder drop in the ballroom after the orchestra finished. The dancing had all but stopped, and people were leaning over the balcony to watch me. I curtsied, preparing to exit the stage and receive whatever punishment was in store for kriffing up the Masquerade, but then the thunderous applause began.
I kept my curtsy for as long as possible before my knees started to buckle. Everything left in me had gone into the song, and I barely made it into the wings before I collapsed. Fortunately, Captain Dreycolt was there to catch me before I hit the floor.
I smiled weakly at him. “Since the orchestra is taking it from here, now might be a good time for me to get some fresh air.”
He grabbed Arkmad, and together they helped me out one of the side doors into the garden. I didn’t want to be seen in my weakened state, but thankfully the garden was empty. Most people seemed to be still dancing or otherwise occupied. Those that were in the garden didn’t appear to have ventured this far.
Dreycolt stopped and pointed at the hedge maze, “There’s a small sitting area in the middle. The only way in or out is through the maze. Why don’t we take you to it so you can rest? Arkmad and I will stand at the entrance and exit to make sure you aren’t bothered.”
I had no complaints; the idea sounded fantastic. We made our way through the maze until we reached the center. It was small and only had enough room for a bench, but it was paradise to me. Arkmad helped me onto the bench before making his way to the exit. Dreycolt gave me one last worried glance, turned around, and headed back towards the entrance. The crisp night air felt wonderful on my face, and I began to relax. I closed my eyes, took deep breaths, and started to feel normal again.
The sudden sound of footsteps startled me. Assuming it was Dreycolt or Arkmad, I rose to meet them. For the second time that night, I was profoundly incorrect. A cold, sly voice broke the silence as the face that haunted my dreams stepped into the area. “Hello, Lyra. I bet you thought you’d never see me again.”
Icy fear washed over me as I was thrown into complete shock. Standing in front of me was Girerd Bost, the captain that took me from my home and attempted to violate me in every way possible. The starlight shone on his face, illuminating his narrow, glacial eyes and the nasty scar to the right of them. I hissed at him, “Captain Bost, what an unpleasant surprise.” I gestured to his scar, “It’s a real shame that didn’t heal better.”
He had the decency to look hurt by my cutting words as he moved his pale hair to the side and softly traced the scar. “Unfortunately for you, it’s Commodore Bost now.”
Before I could even blink, he lunged at me, grabbed me by the throat, and shoved me down onto the bench. Bost leaned forward and whispered into my ear. “Those two boys waiting for you were certainly brave. They tried to argue with me, but they couldn’t disobey a direct order from a Commodore no matter how much they wanted to.”
He paused briefly to trace his other gloved hand over my face. His touch revolted me and made my skin crawl; he seemed to take pleasure in my discomfort before continuing, “Now, there’s no one nearby to interrupt us…”
At that moment, he made the mistake of stroking my lips. It was my turn to lunge forward, and I bit down on his hand hard. Bost screamed and released my throat to grab his bleeding fingers. I leapt up from the bench and bolted past him, sprinting as fast as possible towards the maze’s entrance and praying that I wouldn’t hit a dead end. He was chasing me by this point, screaming obscenities and threats of what he would do to me. Finally, an opening in the hedges appeared. I glanced behind me to see if Bost was close behind, but as soon as I turned my head, I suddenly collided with a very large, solid thing.
The hedges made it way too dark for me to see, but from the soft grunt I heard during the collision, it was another man. I recoiled backward defensively as Bost rounded the corner. The mysterious man glanced at him, looked back at me, and seemed to judge the situation quickly. He swiftly stepped in front of me to block Bost’s path. At this point, all my dignity flew out the window, and I hid behind his tall figure. I just had to trust fate that I was better off with him than with the Commodore. In contrast to Bost’s loud cursing, the other man’s voice was impossibly soft and collected when he spoke. “Commodore, I believe this woman would like to be left alone.”
Still distracted by his hand, Bost howled, “Just who do you think you…..”. He looked up at the man and abruptly shut his mouth. Before he could re-open it, my unknown hero spoke again. This time his voice had a definite edge, and an unrecognizable accent slightly marred his words.
“I am Grand Admiral Thrawn of the Seventh Fleet. I trust you will have no further issues with me asking you to leave.”
#grand admiral thrawn#thrawn#thrawn fanfic#fanfic#ao3#also on ao3#star wars rebels#star wars the clone wars#star wars legends#Thrawn x oc#mitt'raw'nuruodo
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can i please request forever, bitter version with gahyeon?
Forever Bitter Ver.
How long is forever, when forever means a different thing to everyone? What more is forever to someone who has an eternity to live? Blessing or a curse, may the fates bring us together each time.
Word count: 2.8k words
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The way the sun sets everyday changes. Gahyeon has watched it everyday ever since she realized the beauty of it at a very young age. She loved the way the colors moved across the skies as a sheet of darkness swallowed the skies and how the stars and moon come out to play. She remembers that one night when she looked out the window and saw the shooting star, did she put her hands together and wished. That she would get to see the sunset everyday forever. It only hit her what her wish meant when she watched her friends aged along with time. How her girlfriend at the time commented on how young she never had wrinkles, how she never looked a day older than when they first met. It was in her mid forties when her fiancée started complaining about the white strands of hair that were growing rapidly that caused Gahyeon to look into the mirror properly. Her skin was clear and glowing, eyes round and soft, lips full, just as she looked in her early twenties, perhaps even better.
“It’s not normal,” Her wife has once said when they went out only to be called a mother and child. “but you’re still you. That’s okay with me.” It was at her wife’s funeral, age fifty where she took a look at the world around her, and how everyone grew older except her. She showed no signs of aging, and that started attracting attention from her spouse’s family. Gahyeon understood that it was the grief talking, but it stung her when they accused her of stealing their lifespan. She had done nothing but gave her heart and entire being to loving her. The guilt however overwhelmed her and so she left, far away from all the confusing memories the place held, bringing only a single photo frame of their wedding day photo.
Life goes on, and Gahyeon soon realized that she can’t continue to live as Lee Gahyeon, who is legally over eighty years old but remained the look of her in her early twenties. Struggling alone, Gahyeon somehow managed to live her years, moving across the world each time as her collection of photographs got more and more. They were a reminder to her, of each of her “life” she lived, only to remember each time that she would lose everyone in the end, and go back to being alone before having to move across the world again. It was at number 5 when she broke down completely. It wasn’t fair for her, that she lives on forever, but everyone she loved and cared for fall to time’s clutches. With no tears now left to shed, she bitterly took a look at the photograph and packed that into her suitcase.
It was an easy decision for her to make, when she unpacked her stuff into the new apartment. There was a way to stop all the additional pain. She just have to get over the loneliness and live alone. Detach when she feels attached. Easy as that. Anything else goes.
In the three years of living in the city, Gahyeon had got herself a job as a tour guide. The manager of the company was nice enough to not question when Gahyeon requested for her pay to be paid in cash, From Gahyeon’s experience, the lesser the roots in a place the easier it was for her to leave the place when time comes. There was also no way to track her in case there really was someone watching her. As long as she did her job better than the teens in the city that would much rather be spending their time at home playing games or hanging out with their friends, she kept her food bowl. Her promise to herself had been decently easy to keep too, with casual flings with the visitors of the town before they went their separate ways. No one was hurt, and no attachment were formed.
Coughing as her eyes flutter open, Gahyeon forced her eyes open only to shut it immediately as the sunlight shone directly into her eyes. Her throat was dry, probably from all the alcohol last night, Gahyeon thought. It was one of those nights where she craved someone next to her again, but her trip to the bar only ended with her going home very drunk and alone, completely forgetting her shift the next morning until she checked her phone. Rolling out of her bed, Gahyeon quickly gave her face a quick wash and throwing on some clothes grumbling under her breath about how years of drinking still didn’t help her with her alcohol tolerance before she slammed the door shut behind her.
A glare shot her way was all she needed to know that she was late for her shift. Yanking the band and lanyard off the hook, she rushed her way outside where a small group of people were seated, some talking to one another and others on their phones. Taking a deep breath, Gahyeon pushed the pain of the hangover to the back of her mind as she pulled out her most convincing bright smile she could and greeted the group in hopes her cheerful energy would get them to dismiss the fact she was late. Her tactic worked perfectly seeing as to how the moment she spoke, all eyes were on her and smiles were shared among the group. “My name is Gahyeon and I am your tour guide for these few days! I hope you enjoy your time here!” Giving a quick scan of the room, everyone seemed to be revitalized by her faux energy except a pair of eyes that met hers curiously. Tilting her head and giving another big smile, Gahyeon continued. “Let’s all get on the bus now so I can break down our schedule more, shall we?”
Ushering everyone in, Gahyeon gave a quick headcount before hopping into the bus herself. Nodding to the driver, she took another deep breath before organizing her thoughts of the details needed to be given to the group as the minibus started moving with a jerk. Being thrown off balance, the woman could only have enough time to widen her eyes in shock and put her hands out in front of her to cushion her fall. It’s her fault, she shouldn’t have drank so much to get a hangover and cause the delay in reaction now she is going to make more of a fool of herself in front of everyone and that’ll be the memory she gives the new group of tourists. Instead of the dusty bus carpet, she landed on something soft, and looking up, she was met with your amused face. “If you like me, you could have just said something, you know. You don’t have to literally fall for me.” The entire bus broke into chuckles and Gahyeon sighed in relief that there was no mean comments thrown her way from her own mistake. With support from the bus seats, she stood up and nodded to you in thanks and settled down on her own seat in front of you.
The rest of the tour went on surprisingly smoothly despite the rough start and nearing the end of the day, Gahyeon let out a sigh of relief knowing that the time to rest her throbbing head was nearing. All that was left was dinner with the group and she could send everyone back to the hotel before heading home herself. Making her rounds once the food was served, she checked in on each table, making sure that the food was to everyone’s liking and that the mediocre tasting food didn’t make anyone sick . Finally setting away from the rest at her own table, Gahyeon sighed and started shoveling spoon after spoon of the fried rice in her mouth not realizing that she had forgone her meals for the day and the dinner being her first. Feeling a presence near her was what got her to pause mid bite and pull away, turning around to meet you. With a wave of a hand from you, signaling that she was free to continue eating, you eyed the empty seat next to her and she nodded.
“You weren’t very subtle, you know. I can spot someone with a hangover a mile away.” Gahyeon watched as you pulled out a small box and placed it on the table and pushed it slightly to her. “These should help with it.” Giving her thanks, Gahyeon fidgeted in her seat, not knowing where or how to continue the conversation. The thought that you paid attention to her and noticed what was going on warmed the woman a little and she relaxed and smiled at you once more, you gave a soft chuckle and stood up from the table and returned with a smile of your own. Just taking few steps away from the table, you turned back suddenly and called out to her. “I think you should smile more, and not that fake grin you do. You look really cute when you smile.” Laughing once again as you turned away clearly amused by how a blush was quickly rising to her cheeks, Gahyeon let out a huff in defeat, shook her head at your comment and went back to her meal.
The next few days flew by quickly, and nearing the end of the guided tours, Gahyeon had softened up to the group and gave everyone a hug at the end of the day. It was always interesting to hear all the stories share throughout time. As everyone else pulled away, you stepped forward with a smirk on your face, leading Gahyeon to groan and roll her eyes before coming forward with open arms. Hugging tightly, there was a warmth that made Gahyeon cling onto you. Reluctantly pulling away, you ruffled the woman’s hair affectionately and turned slightly to watch the rest of the group walk away.
“I still have a few days left in the city.” Turning back to Gahyeon, you licked your lips nervously and pulled out your phone. “Even though you’re the local here, can I perhaps take you out?”
Gahyeon knew she probably shouldn’t have agreed. She knew of her promise, and attachments only makes everything harder and more complicated. Yet there was something that complied her to nod. It was scary to Gahyeon. With each date she went on, with each moment she spent with you, she felt herself slowly losing control. She wanted to get closer, and closer to you. She wanted you to be the first and last thing she sees when she sleeps and wakes up. Every thought eventually linked back to you. She wanted you to be the one she spends time with as she sits by the pier as the sun sets everyday. That’s when Gahyeon knew, with a tear rolling down her cheek as she watched the moon slowly rise, that she has fallen for you.
Her phone blew up with messages and calls from you after a missed date. It stung her heart knowing what she was missing but she knew it would hurt more if she allowed for the relationship between both of your to progress. She knew that the further away she kept you from her, the lesser pain the both of you would have to endure. With that thought in her head she left her apartment to head to her workplace to collect her pay for the month. What she didn’t expect was going into the office and to be met with the managers glare yet again as he passed her pay over. “One of our clients has been trying to contact you, they even came all the way here.” Nudging towards the direction of the lounge area, Gahyeon followed the direction to see you seated on the sofa. Knowing that you probably won’t leave until you saw her, she sighed and nodded to her manager, signaling that you will handle it.
Walking out the staff only area, she made sure you saw her and continued her way out the door, successfully pulling you off the seat and following her out the company doors. Once she deemed that you were far enough, she turned around to face you. “Did you seriously ghost me, Gahyeon?” She knew she had to be harsh to you to make you understand. Sighing, she shrugged. “Look, I don’t know how to put this nicely but I had my fun.”
“This isn’t you, Gahyeon. I see how you’ve looked at me. I-”
“How would you know this isn’t how I am? You literally know me for like, a week.”
“I know because I love you! I want us to work so badly that I was already making preparations to move here to be with you!”
Her throat dried up as you ranted your thoughts at her. It can’t happen again. She would fight the damn world if it meant that no one has to go through the pain again. Tears sprung to her eyes as she fought her heart’s wants. She pushed away the images of the possible future that you two could have. The smiles, the laughter and skipped right to the very end to discourage herself. She’ll just be left alone again, to face the world. The pain wasn’t worth it. Every fiber of her being was screaming at her to move, preferably towards you but watching you approach slowly, Gahyeon shook her head and turned to run home. Home, that is a temporary shelter, that is.
Darkness was the first thing you saw when you entered the small, plain apartment while trying to catch your breath from chasing Gahyeon. Stepping in cautiously, you could hear sobs coming from the only other door in the place and you inch towards it. The only source of light there was, was coming from the room so you slowly opened the door to see a wall filled with pictures as Gahyeon sat under it, knees to her chest and sobbing as silently as she could. Approaching the wall, your eyes were drawn to the pictures and how there was a familiar face in all of them. There was a distinct difference in clothing, signaling a different era, but the woman never changed. Gears started turning in your head, trying to find for an excuse of the abnormally but there was no mistaking it. Gahyeon was in each and every one of the pictures, and you could feel the love radiating off each picture. Looking at the woman at your feet, you opened and closed your mouth to try to make sense of what is happening; what Gahyeon was.
“Don’t you see? It’s impossible. Me, you. there is no happily ever after. Only pain as I watch you grow old and die.” Finally looking up at you and meeting your eyes, Gahyeon let out a wry smile before it was pulled into a tight line as the memories struck her again. “I’m cursed to live forever.”
Realization struck at her words, finally understanding what she meant. “I...” You started, trying to find your words while she bitterly stared at you. “I still want this.” Her face scrunched up in confusion, not understanding your thought process. “You deserve to be happy, Gahyeon. Even if its for short moments in your infinite lifespan.” Looking away, Gahyeon bit her lips in thought. “Let me make you happy.”
“I need time to think.”
A part of you wanted to stay with the woman, to show that you weren’t going to disappear but you reasoned with yourself. You knew where she lived now. Judging by the photos, Gahyeon should know to make decisions best for herself. Nodding, you slowly turned to the door.
“I’ll be back tomorrow.” Not waiting for an answer, you left.
The sun had yet to rise the next morning, but you were already dressed and well on your way, heart pounding in your chest to Gahyeon’s apartment. You prayed deep in your heart that she’d at least give it a chance for you. For a possible bright future. Although you have no clue what it was like living forever, you had dealt with grief, and you’d do everything you can to help her with it too.
You stop in your steps when you reach the apartment and found the door barely ajar. Gulping, you took a deep breath and pushed the door open. Biting the insides of your lips, you moved further into the apartment, desperate to find signs of life. Entering the room you were in last night, your heart dropped. Everything had been cleared out. Gahyeon had chosen to run from the pain than see what might have become of a future that held the both of you.
“I guess that is a clear enough of an answer.”
#dreamcatcher imagines#Bittersweet series#bitter version#gahyeon imagines#gahyeon x reader#gahyeon angst#2.8k words of pain#can i even tag it as x reader when ya'll not even together officially#gahyeonie is more scared of pain to see a proper happiness#if you read the tags before the story im sorry#ya'll should know i spoil stuff here by now
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boston
honeymoon masterlist
word count: 2538
music: savage streets by perturbator, you’ll only be safe with me by tuff turf, dark all day by gunship
You stood on one knee, feeling Kai’s fingers under your belt as he held you. You shoved out of the window half way, and yelled,
“I’m good!”
He pushed the gas pedal into the floor, and the car roared angrily, tearing through the night mist.
The black shadows surrounded you, floating out of the metal and brick twilight of the street so suddenly fear shot through you like lightning. You held up your shotgun and aimed, trying to balance with your hip on the frame of the window. Falling out of the window would mean imminent death: zombies were everywhere. They were waiting on the corners, in the windows of the buildings, hiding in the shade, behind the smelly dumpsters and in the middle of the road. As the city lights died out, and the car raced deeper into the district, golden and silver changed into cold blue and electric, the colors of docks and warehouses.
“I got them!”
“Shoot!” Kai yelled.
You exhaled and did not inhale, because the best snipers don’t breathe when shooting. As the monster truck passed by the cluster of black silhouettes, you fired three rounds into them, scaring the gathering and hitting one of them. Then you fell back into your seat and pulled your hair away from your face. It will be a bitch to try and brush after. The car drove out into the narrow quay where black water lay like glistening dirty skin, and Kai’s face was yellow in the passing bleak lights.
“What the hell is that?” he asked, poiting at the figure on the roof on the left. He slowed down a little, and you looked back to make sure nobody’s following you. You set the shotgun on your right.
“It’s Jeepers Creepers”.
“Wha... Y/N. What is Jeepers fucking Creepers doing at our zombie apocalypse?”
“I don’t know, Kai”, you snarled, “maybe he launched it. How am I supposed to know?”
“You’re driving me crazy”.
“I am afraid of Jeepers Creepers, okay? He’s gonna be the final boss”.
“I’m gonna tear his balls off”, Kai mumbled.
“He’ll take yours. That’s what he does”, you reminded him.
Kai snored.
“Get up. There’s more. They must have circled the parking lot. Look”.
Right in the middle of the road, where yellow fog was floating in the air like phantom veil, and the asphalt glistened, sweaty after 10PM rain, the black shadows barricaded the road. Kai stopped the car, and the low grumble slowly faded into the quiet, monotnous howl of the city. Somewhere, trains were moving to and fro on the rails, colliding with each other, creating noise. The factories were working, sending black smoke into the opaque sky, clogged by unwilling cigarrette clouds. The river itself, it seemed, hummed something very low, like a deadly lullaby. This world was a hostile and lonesome place. The only warm thing in here was Kai’s body sitting next to you, radiating humanity. You jerked your shotgun. You knew he was seeing exactly the same thing as you did - a bunch of zombies swaying slowly in your direction. He turned up the music a little.
“Ready?”
“Yeah”.
“Aim better or else we’re gonna drive in circles all night”.
“Don’t tell me how to kill zombies, Kai”.
He mimicked you, starting the car.
Next night, it was his turn, and you did the same thing, racing through the night city, crashing into cardbox fortresses and blowing up the glass forts, shooting the heads off the zombies, until you both have had enough of that zombie apocalypse world. It has been some time until you got tired.
(To get into the right mood, you have occupied the Columbus Movie Theatre for like a week, rewatching zombie movies. Turned out, you can’t just walk into a movie theatre and find all the zombie films piled up neatly in the movie room - or whatever it’s called. You have argued about them again and again, Kai insisting on Evil Dead being immortal classic, but the Day of the Dead was his all-time favorite. You nearly got into a fistfight with him over the Return of the Living Dead.
“Of course”, he puffed and laughed out, condescending as hell.
“What’s that laugh?!” you demanded. Kai shrugged.
“It’s such a girly thing. Return of the Living Dead. The third part is also your favorite, isn’t it?”
And he gave you the nastiest look. You narrowed your eyes.
“You bigot. You absolute fuckface. The first one is my favorite”.
He was enjoying himself too much, obviously agitated by the topic, not entirely there.
“Okay, okay”.
“But for the record, yes, I do think that the third part is the best love story I’ve ever seen on screen. It’s incredible”.
Kai nodded, the smile never leaving his face.
“She managed to fight off her cannibalistic instinct not to hurt the person she loved. She tore herself with needles and hooks to fight the urge to kill him and actually managed to keep him safe although she was literally a flesh eating zombie. How cool is that?”
Kai sighed and looked you in the eye.
“Very cool’, he said, with the tone that screamed ‘you’re silly and I adore you’.
“What other movies came out this year?”
“Not many, it’s only May”, he replied, digging deep into the box with films.
“Is Dream Lover out yet?”
“Yep”.
“We should watch it”.
“Later”, Kai said, throwing a film across the room and allowing it to crash into pieces. You hoped to hell it wasn’t Dream Lover.
“And Freddie Krueger?”
“No, not yet”.
“Damn it”, you looked over his shoulder.
“No Freddie Krueger!” he announced, “that’s it, she draws the line at Freddie. We’re leaving now”.
You laughed.
In the dark movie room, you could choose any row, any seats. You nested against each other, honoring the sacred cinema theatre tradition to gently touch in the twilight. While the action unfolded on screen, you had to shove popcorn into Kai’s mouth because it was the only way you could make him stop talking. When you ran out of popcorn, you had to shut him up with your mouth. It was a great week.)
You looked around the street and then, at Kai. How lucky he was, to find himself in this wretched place with someone as willing to play zombies as you were. You should do it more often. Maybe you should act out Mist next, somewhere in Houston.
You pulled your backpack up, and your eyes darted towards the black tower, ominous, insidious without any light, like a gigantic grave stone. Before Parker cut all the electricity, it was the Hancock Tower, now, it was just Tower. And the path to it lay through the dangerous city filled with brain craving monsters, bloodthirsty, dumb and ferocious, and you were running out of bullets. Besides, earlier on, you fell through one of the cardboard box forteresses and bruised your knee so badly, together with your left hand which you landed on. This adventure would be the death of you.
Kai twitched.
“I hear something”, he said, cocking his gun. You stood behind him, one-handed, unable to shoot. You closed your eyes. Lo, if they attack from all directions, you won’t be any help. A wounded companion is worse than an enemy in this world. You wondered if Kai would leave you alone to be eaten and stall them, or whether he’d shoot you in the head first, to spare you.
He walked on a little, entering a small square, and the black outlines of hairless, clotheless humans frightened you like you weren’t the one who had put them there ten hours earlier. They spooked you every time.
Kai shot three times, hitting each mannequin with one bullet.
“On the roof!” you pointed, turning back. You bowed as he threw up his shotgun, and fired. Heavy plastic body hopped and rolled down, falling on the ground. Kai could see in the dark so well you had to remind yourself he was human. Sometimes you would forget that fact completely. He was so different from everybody else.
He led you towards the tower where you stabbed one of the zombies in the throat. He was good at shooting, but you were very gifted with stabbing. You never missed.
“God damn”, Kai panted, as the mannequin swayed and collapsed on the asphalt just next to the glass door he was holding for you, “you saved my life”.
He took you in the movie gesture, pulling you into a long kiss. Your wrist started swelling and you had to take off your electronic watch temporarily. In the bleak room, it shone with green thin neon light from the bedside table while you had sex on the matrass.
In the middle of the night something fell off the roof, and scared the hell out of you - for real this time. You did not put anything on the top of the Tower since it was your fort. In the morning you came up on the top, while Kai went down and examined the object. Turned out, on the tenth of May, 1994, one single bag filled with files and staplers fell off the roof of the Hancock Tower. There was no way of knowing why.
“Wake up”.
You opened your eyes and rubbed your neck, aching from sleeping on the single mattrass on the floor. You looked out of the window. It has just stopped raining, which meant it was already close to midnight. In the dystopian Boston, you have switched to night regime of living completely because in the daylight, mannequins randomly standing in the streets looked simply stupid.
“The Titans”, he said. Kai’s face was so close to yours, you could feel the words on your skin. His eyes shone nervously.
“What Titans? It’s zombie apocalypse, Kai”.
He frowned.
“And what was Jeepers Creepers doing there then?”
“Oh my god”, you groaned, “let go of it already! You killed him like a week ago”.
“Come on, see for yourself”, he pulled you up, and you walked to the window, and gasped, instantly feeling for Kai’s hand. It couldn’t be happening.
That’s it! This madness finally drove you... mad.
There was an actual silhouette, the one you didn’t put there, and possibly couldn’t. The one that could not be put there for the life of you. The one of proportions too great for anyone to put it in the middle of the city, one foot on the right side of the river, and the other, on the left.
“What the fuck!” you yelled, your fright real as ever. Kai grinned happily, but then his face changed back to the philosophical expression of impending doom.
“This is it, Y/N. The zombies... and that dude... were just omens, but that’s it. The sky people have come to destroy us. It’s the end“.
“Seriously, Kai, how did you put it up... there?”
The sky was blackish-bordeaux, like usual. The river was seen just fine from here, from the top floor of the Tower. You had a pretty good look on the gloomy city and all its post-war industrial charm. The figure was so big it stood almost above the Tower itself; he reminded you of the Colossus of Rhodos, the Bronze Man, or one of the mythical golden gods of ancient times. You could actually feel your heart trying to break the hell out of your ribcage in a desperate attempt to kill itself. You couldn’t breathe for a second, mortified by the size of that thing. It was one of the deepest nightmares of your childhood, one of the visions haunting you from when you were little and kept dreaming about the end of the world.
You told Kai about those, and he now used them against you, but you appreciated the performance. It was all almost like art. It was horrifying and great, but you hated it.
“He came down from the clouds”, Kai said quietly, like a dispassionate narrator. Who already knows what’s coming, and doesn’t give a shit, because he’s already dead.
“To press the earth into the core of the planet, and make all life perish. He shall walk the land... waging his wrath on all that breathes. Including you and me”.
You made an effort to turn away, mesmerized by the statue, and looked at Kai.
“How much magic have you wasted on it?”
“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t break the character, it takes me a lot of concentration”.
“Sorry”, you whispered.
“How do you feel about facing the end of the world with me?” he asked.
It was a damn good question. Parker really did ask all the right questions. After all the time in post-apocalyptic Boston, surrounded by enemy, living in a dark den and barely seeing the sun, it was very easy to actually sense the end coming. You clutched your own elbows, thinking. Strangely, you weren’t scared anymore.
A part of his face was in the shadow. He blinked the way you’ve only ever seen Kai blink, just a little, as if he didn’t want to lose visual even for a split second.
“I’m okay with it. I have lived a fine life, in my totalitarian city, guarded by robots and...”
“...zombies...”
“Hunted down by Harrison Ford...”
“You just jumble together all the movies, it’s actually insane, stop it”.
“But now as Cthulhu has sent its warriors...” (Kai rolled his eyes), “I’m ready to go”.
A lonely honk of a train cut through the distance making you feel melancholic. The trains were just crawling there day and night, filling the air with their lonesome cries occasionally. It would make any reasonable person go crazy, too.
“What will be the last thing you do before you die?” he whispered, his nose almost touching yours. You gave in, hot slow lava crawling up your body. You took Kai’s waist, trying to feel his ribs through three layers of clothing.
“You”.
He probably wore three or four shirts just to see you go nuts as you tried to undress him every time. His street jacket goes, then, a pullover, then a shirt, then another shirt, and you groan with anger as he chuckles at you, his hands snaking under your clothes at once. Your skin went shivering, covered with goose bumps under his fingers, like by magic.
As he pushed you against the wall, the gigantic Titan started melting above the river, looming shadow stepping away from the city, which was flattering. Kai’s whole mind was directed at you now.
You thought about how one loves at the brink of extinction; is it passionate, like when Kai grabbed your shoulder, your hair, pounding you into the floor, or is it gentle and thoughtful, like when you only moved your hips slowly, pressed against each other like two halves of Oreo, or is it impatient, breathless and vile, like when he was fucking you against the wall, talking all the way through your whimpering?
It took the end of the world for you to end up on his dick.
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if ur ok with it can u break down the tarlos huggggg in the lst ep after tk tells evy1 abt his addiction? bc that gd huggggggg i wanna no every thing u think abt it i live for ur love for tarlos theyre just so so cuteeeee
IF I’M OKAY WITH IT?! Anon, I feel like I have been waiting my entire life for this ask. I could literally talk about this hug for the rest of my existence. I would talk about this hug every second of every day if I could and never get tired or bored. This hug has owned my entire heart from the moment that it happened and I can never get enough of it. Brace yourself for this essay, and remember that you asked for it...
Okay, so before I get to the actual hug, I want to talk for a minute about why I love it so much and also how fantastic the scene is that comes before it. I’ll try to keep both of those brief (LOL). If you want to skip to the hug breakdown, I’ll give the sections titles.
Why I Love This Hug
So, why do I love this hug so much? Honestly, because I never in a million years thought we’d get something like it, and it was a big turning point for me.
I have not been quiet about how disappointing I think season 1 was. Too much Owen being Owen, too much Iris plot (which never interested me for even a single moment, unfortunately), not enough of the other characters - specifically the characters of color - and definitely not enough Tarlos.
Following episode 3, the show established a really frustrating pattern with Tarlos: they either never interacted with one another, or there was a moment of them at the end of an episode where they were in the same place physically but never spoke directly to one another. Frustration doesn’t even begin to describe the Tarlos talking drought between episodes 3 and 10 - and honestly? It’s bad writing. To focus on a ship for 3 episodes, giving them a lot of different nuances and conflict, and then do absolutely nothing with it? Stupid. So, going into the finale, my expectations were low. At that point, I was literally tuning in just to catch a glimpse of Carlos, with the expectation that that was all I would get. I really didn’t think I was going to watch the show after season 1.
When the finale started with a Tarlos scene, I was honestly very surprised. But, then, of course, it was a “break up” scene, and I was like... well. So much for that. See, I fully expected, based on the trend throughout the later half of the season, that that would be the only Tarlos scene we would get, and that that is how they would end season 1.
But when that camera cut to Carlos Reyes walking through the station door looking like a modern-day motherf*cking Prince Charming? I cried. I’m not ashamed to admit that. And then WHEN WE GOT THE HUG?! I can honestly still feel my heart pounding in my chest.
The finale didn’t fix everything for me; they still barely talk in their final two scenes. It’s not all perfect. But this hug, this small moment? THAT. IS. PERFECTION. (And I’m gonna go on and on about why in just a minute!)
Framing the Hug
I just want to take another moment here to chat about the entire fire station scene with TK and the team/Carlos because there’s a lot that informs why this hug is so freaking incredible. It has everything to do with the directing choices that were made - and boy were they good ones!
We all probably remember how the scene starts: extreme close-ups on TK as he sits waiting for the crew to come back. He’s anxious and possibly having a mild panic attack, and the camera is used to create that moment. Certain shots are out of focus, the shots that are focused are zoomed in to his mouth/hands/eyes, the sound is distorted, his breathing is isolated. It’s all super effective.
So the observations that I make about this brief moment are: TK is stationary, the camera is basically attacking him. And TK is alone. Pretend for a moment that the camera is a character. The camera won’t leave him alone. No one is there to help him. His anxiety grows.
(Even when the team joins him, the camera stays pretty close to him, except for one moment where it backs off but then approaches again. It continues to invade his personal space and his personal moments with his friends and his dad.)
Now, compare that to how the scene ends: TK walks away from the camera, the camera doesn’t follow him. It gives him space. His interaction with Carlos happens in the distance. If the camera is a character, TK defeated that character. He leaves it there, it no longer threatens him. I just really like that visual storytelling; that through the 4 minute scene, TK not only faces his demons, speaks his truth, and conquers his anxiety but he beats the camera and goes off to hug Carlos untethered. (He even bounces towards him, but we’ll get to that in a minute.) That doesn’t really have anything to do with the hug specifically, but I thought it was interesting anyway.
The other comparison that I want to make is a simple one, but it’s another reason why I love the hug: TK initiates it. He doesn’t initiate the group hug with his team (he actually almost says “we don’t have to do that” when Mateo moves towards him), though he obviously enjoys it. Owen initiates their hug, flinging himself at his son, and TK obviously appreciates it.
But the Carlos hug? TK approaches him, TK raises his arm to wrap around Carlos’s neck.
Okay, now to finally answer the original ask...
LET’S HUG IT OUT: THE BREAKDOWN THAT WAS ASKED FOR
youtube
First, can I just say from his first appearance to the end of this scene, Carlos is there for 20 seconds total and I am about to write a whole-ass essay about those 20 seconds?! I’m literal trash.
Okay, so Carlos appears looking like a fucking snack. He’s changed since the bus accident, looking like someone’s hot date, and I think we know whose... Owen is basically like “well this is unexpected” and honestly, same sir. TK is adorable and noncommittal, but clearly not surprised to see Carlos there. We’ve missed a moment between them since TK was sent to the hospital and Carlos called him impressive, that’s for sure.
So when TK starts to walk towards him, the camera refocuses on Carlos and we see this adorable freaking look on his face that clearly says “how did it go?” or “all went well?” or something to that effect. I think Carlos knew what TK was doing at the station and he knew that it was a big deal for him, and I love that even before they are next to each other, he’s checking in to see how it went. He’s invested in TK’s well-being - as always - and he’s there to support him, both physically and emotionally. I COULD SCREAM.
In response to Carlos’s silent questioning, TK throws his head back and sighs. Like I said before, he seems to bounce towards Carlos, his body is pretty loose - his arms are swinging back and forth. This is a guy who just took a load off, and he’s relieved about having done so. The smile that Carlos gives him in answer says that he’s relieved too - that it went so well, that TK seems lighter. He might even be relieved that TK is being so much more open with him, clearly showing him his emotions. Their body language for this entire moment is very open, neither of them seem closed off. It truly does feel like, for the first time, they are meeting each other on equal footing, with all of their cards on the table before them. It’s such a different moment for them, certainly different than their body language during the boba date earlier in the episode.
I would be an absolute idiot if I did not pause and remark here how INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT IT IS that TK is the one that approaches Carlos. I’m not the first person to notice and say this, but Carlos “I hate being the one doing the chasing” Reyes stops just inside the door. He lets TK walk towards him. It’s such an interesting, nonverbal conversation between them. In this action, Carlos is saying “I’m here, but I’m still not going to force anything. You said you wanted space, so I’m giving it to you.” Sure, he comes to the station - but I would pay good money to bet that TK invited him there following some kind of conversation about what he was doing there - but he stays at the door. He’s cautious, but open. He wants something more with TK, but he’s not going to throw himself into it just to get hurt again. So, he waits. AND TK COMES TO HIM. TK leaves his own space and enters his. TK takes the final step. TK closes the gap. TK makes the big move, and they’re finally both right in front of each other, on the same wavelength. The find that solid ground from which they’ll build their relationship together. ISN’T IT JUST BEAUTIFUL?!
Seriously, kudos to Bradley Buecker for directing this episode with multiple levels of storytelling at play. It’s really great stuff.
OKAY, there’s a little Owen and Michelle moment, but then the camera finds Tarlos again.
TK is standing in front of Carlos, they’re completely fixated on one another, their body language is just so fucking casual and comfortable I cannot stand it. See, the other hugs were all pretty intense: the team piles on top of TK, burying him, and Owen practically throws himself at TK, it’s a fairly hard hug for a man with an injured shoulder. But this hug? NOPE.
It’s so soft. It’s so gentle. TK raises his arm like he just can’t not wrap it around Carlos’s neck, like it’s the only way to be as close as possible to him and being as close as possible to him is all he wants in that moment.
What I really love about this hug is that it feels like two people who hug not because the moment is demanding it, not because they’re reuniting after a long time apart, not because they’re in a heightened state of emotion.
These two hug like it’s just what they do, what they always want to be doing, like they don’t know how not to do it. The whole thing reads like “Hi, I’m TK and my arms belong around Carlos” and “Hi, I’m Carlos, and my arms belong around TK, what else would I be doing with them?” (It’s also the vibe I get from the club scene where they wrap their arms around each other.)
IT’S INTIMACY, Y’ALL.
Look, to be a Tarlos fan, I think you have to be willing to look at the relationship on two different levels, right? One is what they verbalize to each other, which is admittedly very little (season 2, come through). The other is the story that they tell through their body language. These two have seemingly always been on the same page physically. It just comes naturally to them, from the minute they first dance to their obviously very pleasing sex scene to the way they flirt in the bar to the club to Carlos at TK’s bedside.
Their chemistry is made clear through how they physically relate to each other, and never is that more clear than in this hug that LITERALLY LASTS 2 SECONDS BUT CONTAINS MULTITUDES.
Okay, back to it... so TK strolls towards Carlos, Carlos waits for him - they symbolism is making me scream - TK raises his arm, it’s all super casual...
And then he just kind of literally falls into Carlos’s body, and Carlos basically just catches him. HOW BEAUTIFUL IS THAT.
They don’t even speak but because they’ve had a nonverbal conversation with just those looks that I talked about, there’s just this understanding that TK needs to just collapse a little bit and he never for one second doubts that Carlos will hold him up. THAT’S JUST WHAT THEY DO.
OKAY OKAY OKAY now we’re going to break this down from head to toe.
Like, the way that their heads just rest against each other, TK pressing close - I can almost imagine that he breathes in the scent of Carlos’s shampoo, his nose is pressed right there in his curls. AND JUST IMAGINE HIS SMILE, I BET IT’S BLINDING.
I love that their heads kind of curve around each other kind of, perfectly Yin and Yang - like, from above they would totally look like that symbol.
MY FAVORITE PART OF THE ENTIRE THING: CARLOS FREAKING REYES NUZZLING INTO TYLER KENNEDY STRAND’S NECK, LIKE HE JUST SHOVES HIS FACE RIGHT IN THERE
THE NECK KISS MADE ME SCREAM SO FUCKING LOUD THE FIRST TIME I SAW IT I COULD NOT HANDLE IT
First, it’s our first kiss since episode 2.
Second, THE INTIMACY OF PRESSING A KISS TO SOMEONE’S NECK - LIKE THAT IS SUCH A SOFT PART OF YOUR BODY, THERE ARE TENDONS THERE, YOU CAN FEEL SOMEONE’S PULSE THERE - LIKE OH MY GOD
Nothing screams “I want to know every part of this man on a deep, committed level” than a fucking neck kiss, and Carlos Reyes just... he fucking does it.
Okay but he really does bury his whole face in there like he wants to keep it there forever, I have truly never seen something so soft in my entire life.
I’m so in love with them I could puke.
But like, that’s why this moment means so much to me, because I really do think that it’s a solidifying moment for both of them.
For TK, it’s a “It’s okay if I stumble or fall because this man will catch me or help me up” thing
For Carlos, it’s “he wants me, he wants this, he’s taking literal steps towards this thing between us, and he encourages me to sink into him, he wants me to do that, he really wants this”
Like, fuck.
Moving down... we gotta appreciate Carlos being mindful of TK’s shoulder, unlike literally everyone else who has hugged him. Like, he doesn’t even go anywhere near those stitches because there’s no fucking way he’s going to watch TK bleed out for the third time, nope.
And the way that Carlos just slides his arms around TK’s waist, pressing his palms into his lower back?!
I think there’s a whole like, thing, where when a person’s hands are flat and open they’re like, open and vulnerable. So there’s just something about the way that Carlos presses both of his open palms against TK’s back that feels so open and vulnerable and honest to me.
Also, the way that he literally covers as much of TK’s back with his hands as possible? He doesn’t place his hands on top of one another, he stacks them along TK’s spine - he completely covers the entirety of his lower back. That’s a really vulnerable part of the human body, and Carlos instinctively protects it. AND TK LET’S HIM.
Okay, finally, down to their feet: TK really does collapse against Carlos, throwing himself on top of him and trusting that Carlos will keep him upright. All of his weight shifts to that forward momentum, he even goes up on the toes of his right foot. Carlos plants his feet, and as TK sways into him, he wraps him in his arms and gently centers them so that they don’t tip over to the ground.
He literally re-balances them. The two of them together find a balance with one another during this TWO-SECOND HUG. They shift, they steady themselves, they sink into one another.
It’s literally symbolic of them both being completely, 100%, without question, ready for the next phase of their relationship together.
They keep each other standing, and that’s fucking true love, y’all.
I honestly cannot wait for season 2. This hug and the final scene on the hood of Carlos’s car - with TK again making the move to embrace their relationship by physically reaching into Carlos’s space for his hand and dragging it into his own space, firmly opening the door to his heart to let him inside, while also settling Carlos’s hand between his own to let him know that he’s willing to protect him and his heart too - makes me believe that we are in for some truly wonderful romance with these boys.
My heart will not stop screaming about it.
#anonymous#asks#tarlos#tk strand#carlos reyes#911 lone star#that finale hug is the very definition of love#and I have a lot of feelings about it#thank you so much for sending this ask#I loved getting to rewatch this 3-second hug about a billion times to overanalyze it#best night I've had in a long time#holy shit this is almost 3K... for a 3-second hug... I’m literally trash#brian breakdowns#brian being tarlos trash
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Thank you for the tag @ahufflepuffhobbit!
Fandoms: Right now the Hobbit is literally my only fandom I’m actively writing content for. Sometimes I daydream in the Sherlock fandom, but not quite to the point of writing anything yet.
Two-shot: I have never done a two-shot. Although, there’s a Christmas special I want to add to my “Outside My Window” verse, but it may be a sequel one-shot instead of a true two-shot.
Most popular multi-chapter: Pretty sure it’s Guardian of Kings, although the way Ambassador to Madness is getting love right now, I doubt it’ll be number one for long. 🤣
Actual worst part of writing: It’s that moment where I have time, I’m motivated to write, I know exactly what I want the plot to look like in the next chapter, and then I stare at where I left off previously and go “WTF, why did I end it like this? What was I going to do from here?!”
How you choose your titles: You know, I don’t know how to describe why I choose the titles I do. I always want readers to know exactly what they are going to get out of the story by the title:
Outside My Window- Literal meaning
Once Upon a Dream- Sleeping Beauty AU
Guardian of Kings- The name they give Bilbo in the story
Just to See You Happy- Frodo’s single goal throughout the story
Thirty Minutes to Change Your Life- Play on Thorin’s exact words
Ambassador to Madness- Bilbo is an ambassador in a gold mad kingdom
So I mean in that aspect, they are obvious, but I also try to make them...I don’t want to say “poetic” but title-like, I guess...
Do you outline: Oh yeah, I outline the shit out of work. I even outline one-shots! But there are different levels to my outlining process: there’s the brainstorming page, where I literally list out scenes, dialogue, character plots, headcannons, anything I want to see in this story. Then I will plot major points (these are my rough chapters), and I’ll list 3-5 subpoints for each of these. Then as I actually go about writing, I never delete anything to my outline, but as certain points change with the story, I’ll turn them different colors, add to the outline, etc.
It gives me a nice little feeling of accomplishment, and it’s fun to go back and see what changed and if I can use that particular plot point in another work.
Ideas you probably won’t get to but wouldn’t it be nice: You guys have seen my Birthday Plot Bunnies, right? 🤣 🤣
But seriously, I have a spreadsheet literally devoted to every Bagginshield idea I’ve ever had, and the likeliness of me writing it. So if anyone wants to start a fic, I have some ‘mehs’ just waiting to be written!
Callouts @ yourself: (So I have a list of what I call “Daily Goals” which range from: Write 500 words to outline that PB to write 1 chapter so this is what I end up telling myself) Just complete one goal today! It’ll make you feel good, and you are that much closer to finishing your WIPs.
Best writing traits: I pride myself on my dialogue scenes. That may not be something that my readers agree with, but I just think you can tell so much about a character and how they interact with others with just a few lines of dialogue.
Okay tagging: @lordoftherazzles @mordoriscalling @nightshade-blues @ragsweas and any other writer friends that want to answer but I didn’t call out!
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I really, really love the difference between these two shots and how well it illustrates how the bond between the zodiac has changed into a curse.
In the first shot, the zodiac members and God all sit in a circle together. They’re friends and equals, positioned as if they’re coming together for the banquet or conversation. They’re invested in each other, turned towards each other. In the second, every single one of the zodiac members faces away from the others. They’re not looking at each other, they’re looking outward to the rest of the world that they want to escape to. There is no sense of community or conversation. They literally can’t see the others around them from their position. Even as they all stand together, there’s a sense of isolation and loneliness. And they’ve all literally turned their back on God, who stands apart from them, no longer beside them as a friend and equal.
The color palette used between the two is also deliberate - the bright warm colors of the first bringing a sense of warmth and happiness and community, the dim blues of the second evoking a much sadder, lonelier feeling.
manga spoilers ahead
And lastly the position of the cat. In the first image, the cat sits literally at the right hand of God, just as much of the group as the others, included, important, and wanted, which ties back into the original, true story of the zodiac that we’re finally told at the end of the story. But in the present version of the bond, the cat is completely excluded, set aside and unwanted, the only one to reject the curse of immortality and ostracized completely because of it.
The first image depicts the zodiac as it was originally - friendship and bonds of love and community. The second depicts it as it now is - a curse that ties the zodiac members to Akito even as they face outward and desperately wish to leave.
I certainly don’t think I’m the only person to pick up on this, but it’s some really great visual storytelling.
#the anime has been on top of things with visual storytelling it's doing amazing#fruits basket#furuba#fruits basket spoilers
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Unquenchable Delicacies
Chapter V
Many weeks had passed after the eventful night in your quarters.
After that evening, it was as though your stares at each other had become more heated and the urge to touch him seemed more overwhelming. Training had become more bearable as you so the growing respect Anakin began to have towards you. Pride swelling in your chest as your heart beat faster.
Instead of casually leaning against a pillar, Anakin would actively train beside you. If you needed any help, he would place his hands on your body, strategically moving your limbs around to succumb to the correct stance. He would mutter instructions in your ears, in a type of way that would leave your whole body peppered in goosebumps.
But, that was all it was- lingering looks and dreamy endeavors. You sighed as you sunk into your chair, the lull of Anakin’s Corellian G9 Rigger-class light freighter engines groaning as the spacecraft zoomed through hyperspace. Anakin glanced at you from his peripheral vision, his lips tucking upwards into a sly smirk. You raised a brow.
“Is my flying boring you?” He quipped as a pool of similar stars surrounded them; signifying how much closer they were to their destination.
“No, but sitting around doing nothing is,” you retorted, fingers lazily twirling at the ends of your hair. Anakin craned his neck as he turned to face you- dark, sea-blue eyes staring humorously at you.
“Ah, interesting. Even though last night you begged me to let you retire from training sooner so you can ‘relax’ before our mission. I see,” he laughed, silently accepting your playful scowl as an appropriate response.
Even though you seemed to be on good terms; earlier you had gotten into a fight. You pleaded for Anakin to let you fly them to Alderaan as word had revealed that Count Dooku was preparing for something terrible to happen. You were to travel with your master, capture Dooku and bring him before the Jedi Council. Tension was bubbling back in Coruscant as secessionist propaganda began stirring around the levels. Star systems had begun seceding from the Galactic Republic, pledging their allegiance to the Confederacy of Independent Systems. This had begun burdening the Jedi Council greatly. As the Confederacy of Independent Systems grew slowly; time rapidly became highly valuable as no one knew when the next planned attack would befall. Hence, arresting Count Dooku was a current, number one priority.
In any case, Anakin had irritated you even more as he stubbornly denied you the pleasure of flying the ship. But you quietened down, knowing from first-person experience how much General Skywalker loved his time controlling the spacecraft. If you were being completely honest with yourself- it was kind of cute.
“Let’s just get this over with,” you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose as Anakin flipped a couple of switches on, soundly telling you to help him begin the landing process. You complied to your master’s wishes, leaning forward to tap the buttons laying in front of you on the elongated, sleek dashboard of his ship.
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The opening groaned as it declined downwards, creating the path connecting between the metal spacecraft and the green lands of Alderaan. Following Anakin’s suit, you stepped onto the grass; the blanket of gravel crunching under the pressure of your boots. He had landed on a tiny opening surrounded by a forest of intimidating trees- an attempt to conceal the huge, silver Freighter craft. You parted ways slightly as you decided to explore the environment surrounding you; only to run back to him when he whistled at you.
“Look,” he pointed to the ground, the clear sight of fresh footsteps scarring the earth before your eyes. You bit your lip.
“Seems like he isn’t travelling alone.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if he had his own droid army. Dooku is intelligent; he knows we’re coming for him. Our advantage is that we now know where to find him,” Anakin muttered bitterly, running a hand through his hair before reaching to touch your shoulder.
“Let’s just follow the trail and see where it leads us.”
You raised a brow in question. “If he indeed has an army protecting him, don’t you think we’d need some back up?”
Anakin sent you a cocky smirk; already taking the lead as he continued onward.
“Please. It’s nothing we can’t take.”
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“I’m...waiting...for...an...apology,” you yelled out, lightsaber sizzling at the contact it continuously made with the shots sent your way.
“Fine,” Anakin bellowed back as his own weapon single-handedly slashed through three different droids before deflecting his own fair share of shots. “I apologize...we should’ve...called for...backup,” he pushed out through gritted teeth, lightsaber decapitating any droid standing in his way as he advanced towards Dooku, who eagerly watched the young Jedi General and his Padawan demolish his supposed ‘protectors’.
You weren’t necessarily angry at the turn of events. You just knew that if Anakin had listened to you earlier and called for backup- getting to Count Dooku would’ve been a much easier job. Unfortunately, it seemed as though your overly-confident master possessed too much faith in the both of you. But, that made you fight harder as a feeling of warmth spread through your body; the butterflies in your stomach fighting a battle of their own.
When you noticed Dooku pulling out his own lightsaber; you realized how close Anakin was to him. Instead of hurrying towards him, you continued engaging in combat with the droids, your dominant hand doing all the work with your lightsaber as your other hand reached out to pull out your Holopad; fumbling to contact Master Obi-Wan as your eyes stayed trained on the enemy before you.
“Hello, Padawan Y/N, have you encountered a problem?” Obi-Wan’s voice echoed through the device, the blue flicker of his silhouette glitching and oscillating as you held onto it tightly.
“Well, Master, yes and no,” you grunted out as you firmly gripped onto your weapon, another shot bouncing off the blazing blade and through the chest of the attacker droid. Not only were you currently focusing on the group of droids charging at you, but you could also hear Anakin growling as he engaged in a one-on-one fight with Count Dooku.
“Good news is that we found Dooku...Anakin is currently preoccupied with him..bad news is that we jumped into action... too quickly...we probably need some backup.”
You heard Obi-Wan click his tongue before sighing. “Ah Anakin, stubborn as always. I’ll be there soon.” His profile disperses and he ends the line of communication.
You give out a great yell in frustration as the number of droids continue growing. Lucky for you, they were the slow ones- that needed so much as a push to knock them out. Seeing as the Force was eternally with you, you used it to literally shoved a line of them backwards, smirking widely when you heard them clash into their incoming subordinates.
After what seemed like eternity, Obi-Wan and a few other spacecrafts landed near the abandoned, droid-occupied mansion you were currently fighting for your life in. When the responsibility of struggling against an entire fleet of droids had finally been lifted off of your chest, you sprinted towards your master and Dooku.
You watched as flashes of azure blue clashed with the crimson blood-red color of Dooku’s lightsaber. You wanted to jump in.
“No, Y/N, let me finish this piece of space filth,” Anakin barked out at you. For a split second, his eyes met yours, a dangerous fire burning in his pupils.
“Master, you needn’t have to kill him. Let the Council deal with him,” you called back, cunningly twirling the saber in your hand as you got into a threatening stance- ready to pounce and intervene at any second.
“Yes, Anakin, do listen to that beautiful Padawan of yours. If something were to happen to you- don’t worry- I’ll take good care of her,” Dooku drawled out, his voice sickly venomous as Anakin’s expression contorted into one displaying pure, lucid rage. In the blink of an eye, Anakin twisted his saber, slicing through something that had resulted Dooku in expelling a piercing screech of pain.
He fell to the ground, hand clutching at his other hand; as part of his limb fell beside him. Blood pooled around the Sith; soaking into his cloak as he stayed on his knees, head dropped.
“That’s for what happened during our last encounter and for the fact that you can’t watch your tongue,” Anakin declared poisonously as he strode towards the fallen man; roughly picking him up and dragging him towards your spacecraft. You walked behind them, stopping shortly to talk to Obi-Wan as his clone-troopers fought off the last of the droids.
“Congratulations on your successful mission, Y/N. Anakin has taught you well. Go back to Coruscant with him, deliver Dooku to the Council and I’m sure that you should be expecting good news soon regarding your elevation into Knighthood,” Obi-Wan pointedly stated, a smile of contentedness and pride plastered onto his face. You respectfully bowed before hurrying back to your spacecraft.
“Thank you, Master Obi-Wan. I’ll see you soon.”
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After making sure Dooku doesn’t bleed out on your way back to Coruscant; you slumped back down next to Anakin; lazily stretching your arms outwards.
The Freighter spacecraft was currently floating through space, the constellations rapidly changing every single second.
Anakin had been unusually quiet.
“Anakin, are you okay?” You whispered as you examined his strained expression. He gave you a quick glance before looking away.
“Yes, I’m fine. Are you okay?”
“I am. I hope you’re not mad that I sent Obi-Wan our coordinates.”
He absentmindedly shook his head, his pale face causing you to bubble up with worry.
That’s when you noticed the deep gash drawn up from his chest, all the way to the end of his shoulder. You gasped.
“You’re hurt! Why didn’t you say-”
“I’m fine,” Anakin replied firmly and if these were circumstances in which neither of you were hurt- you would have closed your mouth and not pressed on. But, he was wounded and you couldn’t just sit there and thrive in ignorance.
“No, you’re not. Let me help you,” you stoically retorted back, standing abruptly before heading to retrieve the ship’s medical kit. Anakin’s loud, disinterested sigh filled in the silence between you.
Trembling hands clutched onto the equipment as you realized that now you had to get to his skin. Anakin finally turned to arch a brow at you; knowingly waiting for you to tell him what to do next.
“Can you...can you please take off your robe and tunic?” You mumbled out, cheeks turning a deep shade of pink. A satisfied Anakin smirked before wincing as he tried to untangle himself out of his clothing.
“Since you’re asking nicely...although I think I need help with that too,” he offered in a low, raspy voice as you uneasily looked down at him.
Seeing as there was no other way to move forward without peeling his clothes off of him; you sucked in a deep breath before moving to stand in between his legs. Your slim fingers gently unclasped the hook of his robe; letting it flow over the side of his seat. Carefully pulling at the fabric of his black tunic, you freed it from the grasps of the dried blood before tucking it over his head and onto your seat. Your eyes widened at the solidness of his chest. The way his muscles flexed at every breath he took. You admired him for a second longer; before your eyes fell onto the deep cut that seemed to be Dooku’s doing.
Anakin shivered as the cold air in their spaceship stroked his bare flesh; but also because he noticed your staring. Swallowing hard, his fought the urge to bite down on his lip and do something the Council had classed as forbidden for any Jedi. He watched you through hooded eyes as you rubbed bacta solution on his wound, wincing here and there if the pain increased. Deep down, he thanked Dooku for doing him this favor.
You avoided Anakin’s heated stare that drilled through your skull. But that completely juxtaposed your next action as you absentmindedly lowered yourself onto his lap, making it easier for you to work on his wound. He bit back the groan that threatened to escape through his lips. Both of your force signatures had darkened, filled with signs of forbidden want.
He propped his knees in an effort to make it more comfortable for you, which caused you to look into his darkened pupils and raise a brow.
“I can sense you, you know?” He growled out, his uninjured, metallic hand finding comfort at the curve of your waist as he gave you a squeeze. You jumped at his touch, your chest rising and falling at a quick pace- similar to Anakin’s.
“I can sense you too,” you countered as Anakin’s gaze flickered to your lips.
“I’m not sure when in the galaxy this happened; but the sight of you fighting off all those droids today was incredibly appealing,” he purred out, head cocking to the side as you brushed your fingers through his hair. You leaned in, lips brushing against his ear.
“I guess you should thank my master for teaching me how to fight like that.”
Without a warning, Anakin’s hand grabbed at your throat as he pulled you in- crashing his lips into yours. You moaned into his mouth, immediately retaliating as your arms snaked around his neck, pulling him closer. He bit your bottom lip, making you sigh out a moan- and he utilized that to his advantage as he slipped his tongue into your mouth. The kiss was everything you had imagined it to be.
Butterflies burned your insides, your heart was racing at a speed that was twice faster than the Freighter you were on and the sweet taste of his full lips against yours made you fully straddle him.
Anakin groaned as his fingers found refuge between the locks of your hair. He aggressively pulled your head to the side, planting sloppy, wet kisses on the corner of your lips before moving down the side of your jaw and onto your throat. You craned your neck to give him easier access, your own fingers rushing to latch onto his long, brown curls.
When he finally pulled away, you were both breathing heavily, the ecstasy of desire clouding your heads. Anakin looked smugly at you, feeling proud that you looked so disheveled all because of him. Your pouted lips were a prime, swollen red color. Your eyes were hooded with a longing appetite that he had previously only gotten to see as a rare glance sent his way.
“Anakin,” you whispered softly as you brushed his bangs out of his face. He pressed a finger against your lips, gently silencing you.
“Don’t, Y/N. I’ve been waiting for a while to do something like this. Your force signature- no matter how much you tried to conceal it from me- it made me go insane as I sensed this carnal urge coming from you too.”
“But...this is wrong. The Council-”
“Yeah, this sort of thing is forbidden. But, above all, we are human. We are unable to suppress such feelings. It’s in our nature. If there’s a code that forbids attachments; then we can simply ignore it and decide what to do by ourselves. Y/N, no one must know,” Anakin explained in a soft, low voice- his fingers mindlessly playing with a lock of your hair. You pursed your lips, afraid that if you drown in the pleasures of living an enigmatic fantasy with Anakin; you will both get into trouble.
But then again, as Anakin used to always say during training- “Codes are created so they can ignored and broken.”
You rested your palms at the side of his face, kissing him sweetly, as opposed to the intense and passionate first kiss you had shared a moment ago.
“I trust you with my life, Anakin. I can’t keep trying to hide my force signature from you. If this is what our destiny has stored for us, then who am I to try and deny us of that path?”
He flashed you a wide smile, pulling you in for a kiss that had completely wiped out the entire galaxy from your mind.
It was just you and him.
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A/N
Thanks for all the love and support you’re all sending me via reading my story :)
I’m not sure if I’m entirely happy with this chapter, but I just wanna let you know that just because they kissed once doesn’t mean that now I’m gonna make their love story easier ;)
Till next time,
EnVy
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Taglist:
@shads121 @musictelevision @anakinswhore
#anakin skywalker#anakin skywalker x reader#anakin#anakin x y/n#anakin x you#anakin imagine#anakin fanfiction#anakin skywalker fanfiction#anakin skywalker fanfic#fanfic#fanfiction#slow burn#padawan#star wars#y/n#anakin x jedi#jedi reader#jedi knight#padawan reader#obi wan kenobi
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Ichor Pt 7 (DabixReader)
A/N: SO I KNOW IT SOUNDS LIKE IT but I PROMISE this isn’t the last one for this. I just wasn’t sure if I wanted to go much farther in this exact moment. I have a couple other ideas for this series but I’m not 100% on most of them so we’ll see. I was thinking of starting some others as well, different one shots or whatever. Would you all be interested in a NSFW addition in the next one? Or is that too far/too much? ImeanIlovesmutasmuchasthenextpersonbuuuuuuuut I don’t wanna force it on people, I guess. Eh, who knows. Enjoy! Thank you for reading!!
Part 6: X
Part 8: X
Tag List: @velvet-kissesss @marydragneell @littleblackpheonix @holytacocactuscollector @ghostingtime @the-cosmic-dreamer
Calloused fingers trace down your sides and you shiver at the touch as they grasp your thighs. Palms both smooth and rough with the slight feel of metal slide against your shorts, fingers tracing shapes into your flesh slowly. Waiting. Savoring. It’s the heat of him that overcomes your senses, leaving your mind in a trap. His scent fills you.
Leather and whisky. Smoke and sandalwood. A hint of mint and what seems to be the natural musk of his skin as he feels your body in his hands. Caressing every curve and dip of your flesh.
As he finds your hips and pulls you roughly closer to him you yelp at the sudden movement. Dinner long forgotten on the cold stove, you grasp at the leather jacket and his shoulders. Sliding your hands up from his neck to his face, holding him gently as you breathe in his scent. It’s hypnotic. Intoxicating.
Lips tease at your ear with a husky laugh, his next few words softer than you’ve ever heard him speak before.
“I could eat you out right here.” he growls playfully and he presses himself between your legs.
“Not on the counter.” you giggle and he nods, pressing sensual kiss after sensual kiss down from your ear to your collarbone.
“Shit, you’re right.” he breathes and hoists you up in his arms as he carries you to the kitchen table. “Meals are meant to be eaten at the dinner table.”
You’re on your back on the table in seconds, his head trailing down your body so slow it's almost painful. Inching closer to the waistband of your shorts until he grabs the drawstring with his teeth and pulls the knot until it’s undone. His tongue tastes your skin beneath your belly button and you shiver under his touch.
“And I’ll be honest baby girl,” he breathes, his breath tickling your skin. Goosebumps pop up along your stomach and legs. “I. Am. Starving.”
You bolt up in your bed, your heart hammering in your chest at the memory of the dream. Eyes wide to the dark room you search fitfully for something that’ll remind you it was only just a dream. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Who are you kidding? You’re disappointed it was only a dream. You groan and flop back down to your pillows, staring up at the ceiling as you wipe the sweat from your brow. So worked up over nothing but a dream. How depressing.
It’s been a week and a half since you’ve last seen Dabi. Since he disappeared in the middle of the night.
You still haven’t pulled yourself together. As much as you wish you could it seems damn near impossible to forget him as he appears night after night in your dreams. They’re not all the same but they all feel inexplicably and frustratingly real.
His hands, his voice and his goddamn heat. They plague your slumber like a beautiful nightmare refusing to leave you. Haunting you. What would it take to get this man out of your head?
You’re not sure but the thump from your living room seems like a good enough distraction right now. Freezing, you stare at your door in panic.
Someone is inside your apartment.
Fear, cold and unyielding, grips at every inch of your skin and you shrink back into your bed. Who the hell would have broken into your home?! Could it be a member of the League, scouting you out? Could it be that strange man who won’t leave you alone after that one night at the bar? You hadn’t brought him home or told him anything beyond your name but the world is full of creeps who will do anything to get what they want.
You listen in silence as your heart starts to race faster and faster. With every breath it shoots the ice cold paranoia through your veins. You should have listened and moved. As soon as Dabi told you to. Just abandoned everything here and just ran. Bolted. Shit, you’d figure out how to fly if it got you out of this situation.
There’s a tap at your window and a shuffle as you crawl away from it. A shadow peers in from outside and starts to pop the screen out.
Oh no. You never locked your window?! Jesus, how stupid could you be?! What kind of idiot doesn’t quadruple check their windows and doors?!
Well… You, apparently.
The struggle with the window is only momentary as they press their hands to the glass. When it starts to give way to their movements and slides open, you feel your stomach drop into each of your toes. Not one but two people are invading your home and you’re frozen in terror.
How many minutes would it take to get away from both of them? How fast would you have to be? Could you get them to I just some of your blood and then drain them? It would have to be quick to get them to buy into it. If you can even pull it off, that is. It’s not easy to get someone to willingly drink your blood- unless you revealed it boosted their quirk. If you could trick them into thinking you’ll comply you’ll have a better shot.
The figure at the window hops up with a soft jingle. They shift slightly and all the trembling your body has started stops. You recognize that silhouette. You know without a doubt that you’ve seen a fair amount of his flesh without it being covered. Memorized the crazy tufts of hair that go in every direction both wet and dry- and you can never, ever forget those blazing blue eyes. They’re sewn into your mind's eye. A beacon that will always call you toward him from whatever end of the earth you are. Miles or inches away, you can feel them searching for you. Watching.
“D-” you start to say his name in disbelief but his hand clamps down over your mouth and he brings a finger to his lips.
He motions towards the hallway where the other noises are coming from and you give a small nod. You don’t need his words to understand.
Somehow, against the odds, Dabi is here. That’s all you can care about although you know you should care there is a literal intruder in your home. Not that it would be important at all or anything.
Dabi leaps from your windowsill and down to your bed, keeping in to a low crouch as he slides off. Silent as sin, he tip toes to your door and disappears behind it. You listen intently as the shuffling from the living room continues- completely unaware of the man heading their way.
Had he known you were in trouble? How?
Why show up now, of all the times to show? Not that you aren’t thankful, of course. It can’t be coincidence he’s here when someone else has literally broken into your home.
The sound of fighting and a yelp from the living room pulls you from your thoughts and you scramble to shut the window. Who did Dabi find? Is he the one who yelped or is it the other person? The sound of scuffing and grunting sounds grow ever closer to your room. You hold your breath and clutch your blanket closer to you, fear flooding into your body as a loud thump slams into your door.
It bursts open and the man with the green skin from the bar tumbles in, Dabi looming above him. The man twists to face him, his skin changing into different colors. He must have some kind of chameleon quirk. It tries to blend him in but it’s going too quickly, too sporadically to hold on to one shade as he scrambles away from Dabi.
“Look what the cat dragged in, darlin’.” Dabi drawls and steps closer to the man menacingly, blue fire hovering from his hands. “More trash.”
“Please, I-I-I didn’t know she was with you!” the man- ‘Charlie’ you remember he had told you to call him. “I just thought she was some single broad!”
“What difference does that make?” Dabi grins and you watch as he glares down at the man.
This. This is the villain you’ve been told about. It should scare you. Shit, you should be terrified of him. But somehow, someway, you aren’t. All you can see is that it’s Dabi. The feel of his energy returning to your empty halls. The sound of his voice against the walls and floors. Enveloping your ears in a soft caress as he drawls. Having him near is comforting.
You can feel the bond between you two hum to life, a surge of power and heat bolting through. You know it’s not just from Dabi- you can feel it as the warmth spreads from within your body to the outer layers of your skin. Every calm breath he takes, every step he advances- you can feel the proximity ignite so much more than this mixture of sensations. Your body is locked on to his location like it’s your own. Like it’s a piece you never knew you were missing until you met him.
“I-I- Nothing! Nothing!” Charlie stutters and turns his eyes to you. “I’m just a friend, right? Go on, tell him!!”
You shake your head.
“Pathetic.” Dabi clicks his tongue, “You really can’t think of anything else to save your sorry ass?”
Charlie lets out a sob and glances back at you. His eyes are begging for your help but you can only flinch as he grabs at the leg of the bed closest to him. He holds onto it firmly with both hands and turns on his stomach as Dabi grabs him by the back of his shirt.
“Please! I haven’t done anything wrong!” he growls.
“Yeah, what’s a little breaking and entering into a place that isn’t yours? That’s not wrong in the slightest.” Dabi mocks.
“Coming from you that’s laughable!” Charlie snaps. “At least I haven’t killed anyone!”
“That’s just because you’re a coward.” Dabi snarls and yanks Charlie up from the floor.
“Do you really want to kill me in front of her?!” Charlie motions toward you and Dabi follows his gaze. “Sh-She’s still innocent, isn’t she? You wouldn’t want to ruin her for yourself.”
Woah, woah, woah. Back it up. Ruin you?
You blink at Charlie as your brows furrow. Confusion turns into anger as you realize just how defenseless he thinks you are.
“That’s a fucking joke.” you sneer and glare at him. “Why are you even breaking into my apartment in the first place? Couldn’t take no for an answer?”
“Oh shut it.” he snarls. “You brought your pathetic, desperate ass to that bar hoping to be fucked-”
Dabi drops him on the floor face first and presses a boot to his spine. He digs his heel in between his shoulder blades and a sickening crack echoes in Charlie’s body. He gives a pitiful whimper in response and turns his head to the side, un-smashing his face from the floorboards.
“Did you really think,” Dabi seethes with a wicked grin. “I would let you go? That I wouldn’t notice you creeping towards her?”
“I told you!” Charlie whimpers. “I didn’t know she was with you- ack!!” he chokes as Dabi slaps a hand around his throat.
The smell of burning flesh spits into the room with the smoke curling from underneath Dabi’s hand. You flinch at the sound of the impact and turn your gaze to Dabi. Is he really going to kill this man? In your home?
You know he’s a villain. You know this. But seeing something like this first hand is uncomfortable. It unsettles your nerves and you find yourself reaching to stop Dabi as you scramble out of bed.
“He’s learned his lesson.” you say quietly and Dabi flicks his eyes to you dangerously. The anger stirs beneath his face, the churning fire of his soul erupting from deep within.
You grasp his forearm lightly, the heat of his skin seeping into your hand as you hold your breath. He has to listen to you. He has to. Even though this man- Charlie or whatever- is a creep who broke into your apartment, you can’t just stand here and watch him die. It goes against what you stand for. What you try to do with your quirk.
The quirk you’ve used twice now to save him. To scoop him from death's door and back into the land of the living.
“Let him go.” you say softly and slide your other hand to lay over the outside of his around Charlie’s neck. “Please.”
Dabi drops Charlie roughly, letting the man slam back into the floor. He fixes him with a nasty scowl before he turns his gaze back to you.
“You don’t know what’s even going on.” he seethes. “Stay out of this.”
“I know you’re about to kill him in my own goddamn apartment. I don’t want that blood on my floor.”
Snapping back at him isn’t what you intended. Honestly.
“I’ll make sure to be careful.”
“Dabi, no-“
“Fine.” he says curtly and picks Charlie up, stalking over to your window and throwing the man through it harshly. You catch the grunt and yelp outside as he lands before Dabi’s hoisting himself through it.
“Lock your fucking door.” he hisses before he slams the glass shut behind him.
Had he just been here for Charlie, then? You’re left, dumbfounded and confused in the middle of your bedroom. Staring at the closed window, blinking slowly as you try to process what just happened.
When you can find no explanation, you instead take his hasty, last minute aggravated advice and lock your door. You’re not sure how it got unlocked in the first place or why he just didn’t exit through it if it wasn’t locked.
Locking your window for that added passive aggressive push, you curse Dabi in your mind.
A week and a half of absolutely fucking nothing and then that? Some half assed attempt? Why was he even here in the first place? What did Charlie have to do with anything? Not that you had any kind of affection for the strange, creepy green man but it had seemed...Strange for him to appear right after Dabi had left.
Was he using you as bait, then? A trap for someone stalking him? He had said you had no idea what was even going on, after all. But you would know if he’d just told you.
Then again, he also told you to move. And you haven’t listened. You’ve stayed, unable to even summon the energy to try and uproot yourself. The thought alone is a knife to your stomach. Empty, shallow pains that claw at your throat, threatening to crawl out of your mouth and onto the floor.
Some of the things Charlie said still feel strange. Your ears refuse to understand the words as you mull over them. Why should it matter to you anyways? Dabi chose to leave. He owes you nothing. Your deal with him is done. It’s over.
Then why do you feel so cut off when he’s gone?
Sleep is a blessing not bestowed upon you for the rest of the night. You give up after an hour or so and decide to get dressed instead. It’s only three in the morning, perfect for a short stroll. Totally not to try and find the patchwork man who’s consuming your every waking thought. That’s just ridiculous.
Your steps on the damp pavement are the only sound as you walk. There’s an occasional car or two but beyond that the night is silent. It observed you walking down the street aimlessly, purposeless save for the burning knot of emotion settling into your heart. Why does it bother you so much? Why does his absence mark your senses with a streak of edge? Sharpening every facet with the temperament of steel. You’re hyper vigilant to the world around you- every space you see, every breath you take, every sound you hear- it’s all categorized in your mind, shuffled away until you have a perfect map in your mind.
You have no idea where you’re going. You don’t even know this part of town that well. It’s a stranger to your company and you’ve preferred it to be that way before now.
Now you can’t stand not being here. Not being out and experiencing the night fading into day break. The hours may tick by but your body takes it all in stride, your limbs moving to a song you can’t hear but you can feel. It’s a beating of a drum, growing louder and louder as you feel every breath you take pulled from its notes. Forcing your lungs to inflate and hold before deflating. It picks up rapidly until you’re finally running through the streets, your blood singing with energy as you catch a familiar feeling. The thread between you and Dabi reappears and you can feel the song swell with the dwindling space.
Magnetic. That’s what this is. You can’t help but feel drawn to every step he takes further away from you. When the blue flames ignite from his body and into the night sky, you see the way they jump higher the closer you get. His power grows as you near him.
It’s undeniable. He doesn’t seem to acknowledge it as he focuses on the burning body in front of him. Burnt to a crisp. Charred remains start to flake away as they burn into the night. You don’t have to guess to know it’s Charlie.
You can’t find a single bone in your body that cares. Not a drop of blood that screams that this is wrong. The only focus you have is the burning body that’s in front of you. The man that's still standing as his flames engulf him. As they rise and dance into the night sky, a star given human form has dropped out of the sky and onto the earth. He is destined for so much more than he’ll ever know.
You can’t find the words as his flames shoot out around you. Walls of blue surround your body but don’t dare encroach on your form as you step closer to him. They part to let you closer to him and the steam and smoke from their absence curls off of him in tendrils. Memories written into the air before they wash away with the wind.
You’ve come all this way for him. Without words to even say why. Explanations are beyond your mind as the feel of his drumming heart erupts into your skin. His heat enveloping you in a sweet summer's embrace. The kiss of the sun without it’s normal light. But it doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t even burn- your body is cold against his heat and you can’t help but reach out to him. Arms winding around his waist as you hold your breath.
You are not afraid. You’ve never been afraid.
Having him so close feels right. It feels like the universe has corrected some cosmic wrong as he breathes at your touch. A silent sigh exhaling from his lips. Tension rolling off his shoulders as the fetal rage winds back inside his heart. Retreating at your touch, slowly receding into the shadows in his eyes. The dark skin held to his face. Hidden beneath the burn scars and trauma you don’t dare ask about.
“What are you doing here?” he asks quietly, his voice a bored drawl but you catch the note of agitation he’s lacing it with. He’s still upset. In the throes of his dwindling rage he’s still softening to your voice, bending to your embrace.
He doesn’t even know. Doesn’t realize the curling hand he places atop your own is gentle and warm. That it solidifies your thoughts into a clear stream instead of the jumbled mess they’ve been in his absence. The thoughts of him leaving showing you the awful future he’s barreling towards without the connection between the two of you.
His future will only change if you force yourself into his life. Letting him go now will end in nothing but pain. Love or not- even if this is the beginning of something you’ve never experienced- you’re not willing to let him die.
“I don’t know.” you murmur back. “I couldn’t not be here.”
“He’s dead.”
“I know.”
“I killed him.”
“I know.”
Silence.
“I don’t care.” you whisper as assurance. “He’s not the reason I’m here.”
“And what is?” his words are sharp and quick. Quipped. Tight lipped. Clenched teeth spitting into the world around him like venom.
Defensive.
“You.” you admit and press yourself closer to him, tightening your grip as he tenses.
Rejection isn’t an option. Not when you know the pull towards him was more than just you. Not when you feel the beat of his heart in your bones. Summoning you, pleading for you. Begging for your presence as vehemently as he’s trying to fight it off.
“That’s a pretty shitty reason.” he growls and you shrug.
“I don’t think so.”
His hands trail to your wrists and loop his fingers over them. Holding them, he pulls your arms off of him and lets go as he turns to face you. Looking at him face to face, you hesitate to touch him again. The agitation in his eyes warns against it but the way he had almost melted when you did says otherwise.
He must not have been hugged often. Or touched in any loving way. Not that you were sure you loved him- that’s far too bold to assume so early- but the gentle caress of someone you enjoy being with is always a welcome gesture. And you enjoy Dabi. Even if he can be a huge ass sometimes.
“What do you want, princess?” he whispers and you can see the way his eyes lock onto your face that he’s angry at himself.
The frustration is not meant for you. He’s biting back the urge to snap, curbing his anger to remain inward.
“You. To come back.”
His hand rises to cup your cheek hesitantly and you lean into his touch. Showing you’re not afraid. You’re here for him.
“I can’t do that.” he frowns and his hand drops from your face. “You wanted me gone, remember?”
“I changed my mind.”
“That’s not how this works.”
“It is now.” you can’t help the smile on your face.
He fights off returning it before he gives in with a cocky grin.
“Nice try.” he sighs, “but that’s not going to work for this.”
“Why did you leave without saying goodbye?”
He glances away and sighs heavily. You can feel him trying to pull away but for every tug away he tries to take you follow. It’s a dance of wills you’re not willing to lose.
“Stop.” he says and you catch his hand in yours, refusing to let him go.
“Dabi, please.” you breathe. “Just listen for a moment.”
“Not here. Not out in the open.” he glances around. “If you’re hell bent on this then we need to go somewhere else, darlin’.”
You can read the frigid shut down he’s forcing himself through. It locks through his muscles and he returns to the bored, uninterested mask he always does. He won’t be himself outside. Where others can see.
You don’t blame him.
You lace your fingers through his and tug his arm back toward where you came from. He lets you lead him and although he gives your enclasped hands a wry look he doesn’t pull away. It sends a thrill through your stomach, knowing he’s at least willing to indulge your fantasies.
The memory of your dreams surfaces as the warmth from his hand spreads into yours. In your dream he’d caressed your body, sensually tracing his fingertips against your skin. The hungry growl and groans he’d let out turn your face red and you hope he doesn’t see. Just in case he thinks this might be for other reasons.
Dealing with these wayward thoughts might be harder than you thought. The attraction you feel for Dabi only grows the closer he is to you. The more skin that touches yours ignites your desire for him. It’s hard to breathe by the time you make it to your home and tug him inside.
He doesn’t say anything as he kicks off his boots and strolls to the couch. Watching you carefully, he stands with his hands in his pockets. Silent. Stoic. That same bored facade sewn onto his face. But you can feel his heart through the bond between you two and it’s beating as fast as your own.
“Well, Princess,” he drawls, “now what?”
There’s a flicker of lust in his eyes as you meet his gaze. A goading that taunts your own senses. Daring you to recognize it. Displaying it all just for you to see.
It has to be your imagination.
“Things have changed.” you say plainly, hating the awkward way the words spill from your lips.
You don’t feel like his attention should be so intently on you. You aren’t a seductress. You’re not well versed in the tantalizing banter and dirty talk like you know he is. It’s the confidence he exudes when he hides that tricks you into thinking you’re out of place. The control his eyes command with just looking at you causes your heart to race.
He quirks a brow and steps closer to you. You copy the movement, hypnotized by his energy. Losing control over your grip on your own emotions you can feel the flood of the bond between you two. You’re drunk on the feel of being near him, the buzzing life that shimmers between the two of you. You want to touch him- want to hear his words whispered against your skin.
“I don’t want you gone.” you whisper, reaching for him.
He steps into your grasp and tugs you closer to him. As if he’s controlled by the same haze you are. Locked into the feeling of the murky and misty emotion buzzing out of control. The desire to be closer has never been this strong.
What’s different?
You try to think about it but it’s hard to think of anything else but him. Hard to tear your eyes from his. You’re lucky you can even remember how to breathe although you’re sure it’s only because you’re mimicking his actions. Like a puppet pulled into this dance as you two twirl in motions that aren’t your own.
“What made you change your mind?” he whispers huskily and you can hear his control dripping away with every word.
“I don’t know.” you admit, unable to say anything else.
Your dreams, maybe? The connection between you two? It could be any number of things, honestly.
“I just know the farther away you are,” you breathe, “the worse I feel.”
“Hm.” he hums and dips his head to yours. “When did you figure this out?”
You breathe in his scent, eyelids drooping hazily as his lips near yours.
“An hour ago.”
Then, his lips are on yours. It’s a slow, powerful motion at first that turns into a hungry devouring quickly. It’s like he can’t get enough as quickly as he would like. His hands cup your face gently as his fingertips tease into your hairline, pressing into your skin with fervor. It isn’t long before you’re lost in the feel of his lips and hands, loving the warmth spreading from him into you. Your heart is pounding in your chest, speaking his name with every beat. Dabi, Dabi, Dabi. He’s all you need, all you want, all you could ever imagine yourself having. You’re lost in the feel of him. Putty in his hands as he molds you into a shape that fits against him perfectly.
The rush of your quirk activating without your control makes you both shiver and Dabi gives a deep growl.
“I don’t want your damn quirk.” he pulls away, breathing heavily. You see the surge of power grow in his eyes and feel the pang of hurt start to spread. Hadn’t your quirk gotten you into enough trouble with him? Wasn’t that enough?
Your thoughts melt away from your control, still drunk on the idea and the irreplaceable taste of Dabi. You can’t focus on anything else when he’s this close to you. After you just kissed him for the second time in your living room, funnily enough.
“I-I didn’t mean to...I.. can’t control it.” you whisper back and lean in for more.
He doesn’t push you away.
“Are you saying you can’t control yourself around me?” he laughs and holds your face inches from his own.
His thumbs brush beneath your eyes and you melt in his touch. The soft and rough feel of him. The cool and warm brush of his body, of his skin. It’s all intoxicating. It’s overloading your senses, your body bending to his every whim and touch.
“Yes.” you breathe and he chuckles.
He snakes one arm around your waist and holds you to him. Pressed flush against him you can’t help the sharp intake of air at the sensation of every curve and indent of his body. It’s a hungry rush that bolts through you and he watches you with his half lidded eyes, drinking in every noise and face you make.
Nothing has felt as right as it feels when you’re kissing him. You’re sure of this. Not having helped the countless people you did before. Not thinking of helping people after him. Nothing compares to the complete sense of rightness that floods through your system as his lips meet yours.
‘Yesyesyes’ your body craves his touch, every place his hands roam burning for more. Your quirk is already overflowing through your system and the power that runs through him is apparent as he struggles to keep his breathing even.
“Sorry,” you breathe as you catch him grit his teeth. “I can try and get it under control-”
“That’s not it.” he interjects as he backs you into the wall. “That’s not it at all.”
His breath is hot on your neck and you bite back a mewl as his lips press dangerously close kisses to your ear. His hand moves from your face to the wall, pressing a firm fist into it as he heaves breath in and out. He’s balling up the fabric of your shirt in his fist at your waist, a deep, quiet grumble of a groan releasing from his lips.
“Then what is-” you can’t get the words out as his mouth devours the rest, his tongue slipping into your mouth without a warning.
This is different. His posture, his words- Dabi can barely control himself as you’re at his mercy. He’s drinking in every gasp and mewl he can pull from you with his lips. His body is pressing against yours, his knee sliding between your legs and pressing against you. You can barely breathe between his lips and his body, your mind spinning with the essence of him.
“Wha?” you whisper as you pull yourself away from him for air. You need to know what's changed. What's happening? Why is he holding you so tightly- pressing into you with so much fervor?
“Shh.” he whispers and nips at your ear. The moment his lips touch the skin beneath it you come undone in his hands. Any further protests or questions scatter from your brain before you can even remember what you were trying to say. You wrap your legs around his waist and Dabi gives a happy hum at the motion before his lips are on yours again.
You’re lost to the desire to be rid of everything but him. Melting and reforming with him beyond your own comprehension, your energy soaring to an all new high as you drift along with Dabi. His body feels like an anchor to your restless soul. A shore you finally come across after years and years of swimming endlessly.
He’s the answer to the question you never knew you were asking. A divine gift into your dark, secluded and lonely life. A present wrapped in mystery and flames, burning brighter and brighter just for you. A beacon for your lost, wary soul. He is rest when you need it, sustenance when you’re empty. Filling when you’re starving. Everything right in the world aligned just for his presence to be in your life. You can feel his heartbeat alongside your own, feel his body pressing against your own, his soul tying into yours around the bond between you two. Winding around it in knots that seal the two of you together.
Have you ever felt this complete? How could anything before this even compare after you’ve tasted the wine of his being? Life is changing rapidly and permanently as you wind around him.
And you never, ever want it to go back to the way it was before.
#ichor#dabixreader#dabi x reader#dabixyou#dabixy/n#dabi x you#dabi x y/n#reader insert#fanfic#mha#bhna#my hero academia#boko no hero academia#divinewhimsy#dabi
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