assigning a character the highest honour like *adds go home by julien baker to their playlist*

So, @da-proti-toku-grem kind of inspired me to make a lengthy post, sharing some positive vibes across the fandom, listing the reasons why I love each member of Joker Out and why I would go full mom-mode on them and cook for them and bake them gluten-free cookies.

Anyway:

A Joker Out, brain-rot, appreciation post

(members listed in alphabetical order)

Bojan

First up - as someone who had the chance to see them live, he is an insane performer

His ability to enchant the crowd is insane and you can tell really well that he has great acting abilities too

Watched him in Gospod Profesor too, spot on for someone who is a so-called amateur

His singing voice is... amazing to say the least, it feels really unique

Also, the way he talks, the sound of his voice, the words he uses, his pronunciation, if there were awards for talking he would get one

The languages he speaks, I want to study him, linguistically, he is truly a phenomenon

We of course love a bilingual king

He looks like he has his priorities straight

I also respect him so much for how open he is about his mental illness

I might relate to him a bit too much at times whoops

And the fact that he can somehow befriend literally anyone??? Love that

His friendship with Jere is the main one of course

Oh yeah and the fact that he literally helped people who collapsed at their gigs a few times

Bless him, he deserves all the rest he is hopefully getting

Jan

First things first, I have a soft spot for math guys

And the way he talks about math is fascinating (but you still won't get me to like it Jan)

Cat dad???? We absolutely adore Igor and a man loving cats is such a green flag

I know people say he mumbles a bit and it's hard to understand him at times, but idk, he talks nice and slowly, so it's still really easy to understand him

He comes from my home region, so I am very biased haha

Also, every band needs a guitarist with luscious locks

He absolutely owns the colour red, that colour was invented specifically for him

The nose ring suits him so well too, this man KNOWS what fits him

And if that ends up being jackets with nothing underneath when he performs, THEN SO BE IT

I know people call Kris the lesbian icon, but from what I've seen lesbians are very drawn to Jan as well

Oh, and he gives me Klaus from the Umbrella Academy vibes (I blame the hair and the pink boa)

Jure

Holy shit, sunshine in human form????

The most underappreciated one in the band imo

His surname literally means 'cat' and I am so normal that Jan has called him 'muca'

He also comes from my region haha, bias again

He's really good at filming, he actually shot a few things for RTV (national TV station) and edited them as well, god, talent

Also playing drums... I have sang, I have played guitar, played bass, but drums is something I feel like I could NEVER do, so hats off to you

As @da-proti-toku-grem pointed out, THE MOLE ON HIS LIP? weak knees, yes

He also reminds me of a good friend of mine and I vibe with him so much, I feel like I would vibe with Jure as well

I really don't like the fact that drummers tend to get ignored and I just wish there was more Jure performing content

Though I love it how every time, during Novi Val, he comes to the front and hangs with the others

His hair also looks so soft and fluffy aaaaaa

Again, biased but he resembles my bf the most out of everyone so hmmmm

Kris

The baby of the band! (and the only one in the band I could actually call 'mulc')

In case you didn't know yet, he's half Dutch

And he speaks Dutch, which, as someone who speaks Dutch (in theory, not in practice) makes me really happy

I wish to study him linguistically as well

Also his parents' story feels very close to me, as I'm dating outside of my culture as well

According to him he was menace as a kid and I think we should normalise the fact that you can become a better person as you grow up

But pls don't honk at me on the road Kris, pls, I will cry

The songs he wrote??? NGVOT and Vse kar vem??? Oh boy, I love them, adore them

His holey sweaters are also a vibe

Dutch fans, if you don't shower him and the rest of the band with gifts at their Dutch concerts, I will be mad

Also gotta honorably mention Maks

They gotta be my fav nepo-but-not-really babies out there

Kinda like Maya Hawke?

I am ranting

He also looks like the only member of the band that I would fight, and idk why

Also, I must know if he supports Max Verstappen haha

Minus points for chemistry though, I cannot with that

Nace

Okay everyone

Here we go

We have reached my beloved

I love all of them, but Nace just a bit more

It was love at first sight, I cannot lie

I have a soft spot for bassists and he might actually convince me to try and play bass again

He has been playing it for so long too??? like wow

Oh and of course; THE TATTOOS, BLESSETH BE THE TATTOOS

I will always go feral about his tattoos

At every concert

I know he was the last to join the band but it looks like he fits in so nicely, it's beautiful

Strong mom-codded dad friend vibes

He kinda is the dad of the band haha

And he looks like he gives amazing hugs (lucky all of you who had managed to get one already)

A nice addition to the band

Oh and he's apparently shit at sports which is like... felt

Plus the fact that he wanted to be a vet?

Me too boo, me too, but neither of us is there now

Anway, I'll stop now. In conclusion, this band has my whole heart and they deserve every good thing that happens to them and so much more.

enhypen as emails i can't send

txt version ☆ folklore version ☆ masterlist

y'all i'm having so much fun doing these w my cat in my lap and the rain pouring outside 🤧 so good. anyways i'm literally seeing sabrina in 2 weeks! i'm so excited <3 maybe i'll post the txt version after the concert 😊

heeseung as tornado warnings

"i guess maybe that's why i'm lying to my therapist, i keep saying things like 'i never saw him & we never kissed'"

clinging to a relationship or situationship with heeseung despite the red flags is something i feel in my bones. i'd do that.

&& that's essentially what the song is about...lying to your therapist because you know hee is a walking red flag & isn't good for you, yet you're doing it anyways (come on y'all,, self-respect!!)

but admittedly, i even do that for people who aren't heeseung, so for him, i could overlook quite a bit.

my point is...heeseung would make moving on hard by existing

also...don't lie to your therapist. it's a waste of money.

sunghoon as how many things

"i wonder how many things you wanna do, you think i'm in-between"

i can see sunghoon getting over you faster than you do him. or at least him being able to hide it better.

&& yeah he might care about you...but he is not thinking about you nearly as much as you are him (even when you're trying your absolute hardest to limit it)

the feeling is even worse if you're still technically dating which would literally be the worst because it's a slowburn break-up who wants that?!

&& it sucks, the feeling sucks & my point is that sunghoon would probably make you feel it 🙂💔

this song makes me SICK sometimes because it's painfully relatable & this connection makes it kinda better?? or worse?? proably worse. 🤧

jungwon as nonsense

"lookin' at you got me thinkin' nonsense, cartwheels in my stomach when you walk in"

before you jump me...yes, i considered jake. i thought he fit bad for business better though 👊 so jungwon got nonsense 🫶🏽

&& i will stand by my decision!! because i just know he's the type of guy who (while very approachable) would be so hard to talk to if you had a crush on him

it's such a cute song & i can vividly picture tripping over my words in front of him & having zero personality because i can't think straight

if any of y'all get a shot with him...good luck soldier 🫡

ni-ki as fast times

"these are fast times & fast nights, yeah, no time for rewrites, we couldn't help it"

this song is about a youthful & impulsive relationship,, so ni-ki was the obvious fit

i can imagine ni-ki & his partner making really bad decisions while dating, at least at the very beginning

like he'd probably convince you to climb on a private rooftop or crash an engagement party with him

&& the relationship might just go way faster than intended

sometimes they're really shitty decisions, but sometimes they're not which is what matters!! sort of??

jake as bad for business

"he's good for my heart, but he's bad for business, tears me apart when he grants my wishes"

if people hated you for dating jake...you probably wouldn't care lmfaooo you're the one cuddling with him 🫶🏽

now, if you were both idols (let's put on our imagination caps 🧢) & it was affecting your job like in the song -- that sucks, & he'd try his best to make sure it doesn't hurt you, but...there's not much to be done sometimes

you're strong though you got through it :)

"never been so glad to be so tired" yeah. that checks out.

it's just such a cute song & it almost always reminds me of him now hehe

jay as opposite

"i know now, that even if i try to change, that somehow, you'd end up with her anyway"

this song makes me sick because it's so relatable (part 2)

the whole idea that ur partner isn't actually attracted to you while you're dating is so scary

clearly, there's no proof of that being the case in this song...but it's the conclusion she jumped to when they dated someone who looked nothing like her right after

i think jay might do that. probably unintentionally, but still.

if the relationship went sour, he might want change & go for someone different, whether in personality or in looks

&& it would feel so shitty, but you'd make it out & do the same thing eventually :D

sunoo as feather

"i feel so much lighter like a feather with you out my life"

to whoever is reading this...sorry. you're the problem he's the one who feels lighter after dropping YOU 🙄🤷‍♀️

okay but for real...sunoo would take a hot minute to calibrate & get over you but after that period he is DONE

he's gonna be civil with you but he's cackling with his buddies afterwards. he's FINE.

i hope you are too ;)

txt version ☆ folklore version ☆ masterlist

Friends to Lovers Tournament: Round 1, Side A, Match 13

propaganda under the cut!

Junnana:

Oh they are so very silly and I adore them. They basically spent the anime being the most married couple there, the game amplifying that and the movie burning that all to the ground (or Nana did that) before vowing to start a new later. They're just a girl reaching for her dreams without a ton of natural talent and a girl who enjoys helping her friends shine instead of herself despite being super skilled but even though they have slightly different goals on the stage they both respect each other so very much to the point where things only go wrong in the movie because Nana lost a bit of the respect for Junna that was always so fundamental in their dynamic. The Overture manga gives a bit of insight into what their early interactions were like especially in their respective focus chapters (3 and 9), with 3 showing that Nana was planning on becoming their class president rather than Junna but stepped down just because she had so much trust in her abilities while still making it clear that Junna could rely on her while in 9 the mutual reliance came back in the form of Junna being the one to make Nana realize she wasn't alone. Carrying onwards to the anime, some time before the whole thing, Nana decided "hey time loops are pretty cool" because she was afraid of her and her friends growing up and separating. This was not a fact known by anybody but her and that one giraffe and did not affect the early plot, where for the most part Junna was more focused on due to her struggles being highlighted from the moment revues were introduced and Nana was just constantly around her. Then Junna ended up being the first person Nana actually told about them directly (and not in a very vague way in a revue because otherwise Hikari would be the first) because it was looking like said loops were about to end because the childhood friends to lovers dynamic as a whole decided to say nuh uh to her. Then she did in fact lose her next revue which made the idea of continuing her repetitions a little impossible but Junna ended up recovering from that whole shock pretty quickly, and went to comfort Nana and help her learn to start anew. 

Then there's the game which. yeah there's so much stuff in there that I can't even explain it all. In the main story we get the arc of Nana starting her overprotective bs once again, getting stopped and then being given more courage to move forward by Junna since she was realizing that she kind of messed up (since she decided to object to the concept of plays just having lead actors in general. as you do), but there's so much stuff outside of the main story. Highlights include: Junnana literally making up their own ship name, Nana deciding the best way to practice for a role centered around an observant character was to observe Junna specifically, Nana writing a self-indulgent Phantom of the Opera adaptation with herself as the Phantom and Junna as Christine in an event where it turned out she relates to the Phantom (red flag #1 as far as I'm concerned) and wrote Christine based on Junna (Junna was very okay with this but I find it hilarious that she made her adaption of a famous play basically self insert fanfiction), the actual Junnana kiss (stage kiss?? real kiss?? we'll never know), the Valentine's Day event where Junna kept saying things like "oh I'd go to any lengths for Nana" while talking about making chocolate of all things, the time Junna talked about how she wouldn't let anybody take her place of staying right by Nana's side if she had to because she loves being there completely out of the blue to Nana's ex of all people (not a canon ex but a lot of people who know about her whole deal with Nana at least agree that they had something going on. and let me tell you Junna telling the person who constantly regrets not having the strength to remain by Nana's side how much she loved being with Nana was not a smart choice, even though Hisame, the girl in question, took it very well), the Steins;Gate collab where a good chunk of the plot is just Junna being worried about Nana, a play where it turned out that the whole time Junna and Nana had both taken inspiration from each other for their roles, the time they had to actively stop themselves during separate interviews from just rambling about each other, etc. There's so much. Also I forgot to mention it during the main story part but there's also an alternate universe briefly discussed where one of their friends just does not exist so Nana is one of the two best actors in the class and gets the lead role in the play they perform every year, and there's a scene after their performance where Junna talks about how, in the play which is a tragedy involving two lesbians in love, Nana's performance made her think that, if she had stood as her co-star, she would have simply been built different and prevented the tragedy from happening. The plot ends with one character falling form a tower and another being imprisoned within it, and Junna is like "if I was this tragedy and I was with you I would have simply taken your character's hand and never let her go". They're just so married in the game and I can't believe them for it

And then there's the movie. We don't talk about the movie but I kind of have to. Okay so you remember those two friends I was talking about who act very married and ultimately have a lot of their relationship based around their mutual respect for each other? What if Nana stopped respecting Junna entirely one day? That's their movie arc. This movie covers the girls "dying" as stage girls (ie. losing what made them true stage girls/actors in the first place) and then being "reborn" as them, and unfortunately Nana is of the opinion that Junna could just simply have her symbolism death and not the other part. During their revue, Nana talks a lot about how beautiful and dazzling (using those exact words. she even called Junna heartbreakingly beautiful in the dub) Junna was when she was foolishly reaching for a role she wasn't likely to get, but put it all in past tense, and encouraged Junna to let herself die as a stage girl in a brilliant manor rather than trying and failing to grasp her brilliance and dying out like that. also she called her an ugly fruit which sure is something. Then Junna was like "???? no I won't do that actually???" and took one of Nana's swords from her to engage in a sword fight since Nana had destroyed her usual weapon. Which was not a great matchup briefly because Junna never used a sword in her life but after Nana realized that the Junna she was fighting was different from the Junna she knew, and didn't match the role she had assigned for her, Junna ended up telling Nana that her own role was something she'd define for herself and not something Nana could assign for her, and ended up winning against her. After the revue was over, Junna still wanted Nana in her life, and promised her that, one day, they'd reunite on a stage which belonged to both of them, even though they had to find their own stages before that could happen. Before they departed, Nana lamented that Junna was dazzling, contradicting her previous belief that she was only dazzling in the past, all while beginning to cry, and Junna nearly turned around to comfort her, but ultimately decided to continue onto her next stage as Nana carried onwards to her own, knowing that they would both need to grow before their reunion. I also want to mention that, during this scene, a picture of the two of them, one which Nana had stabbed through the middle as she was telling Junna how dazzling she thought she once was, had since been moved to a little pond in the background of the scene (and of the background of the start of the whole revue, so it was there the whole time) that was nearly identical to the one where Junna and Nana had had their moment of comfort at the end of episode 9 of the anime. With the middle of the picture being soaked in water, it ended up sinking just enough for the new cut in the middle of the picture to appear almost mended, showing that, while the damage Nana had done and the rift between them was still there, it was already starting to mend as they once again regarded each other as equals. This scene lives in my head constantly and haunts me daily. Congratulations to Junnana for having a divorce arc as high schoolers

Alanna/George:

After years of friendship, George is pining while Alanna works her way through a messy relationship with Prince Charming. She finally realizes she deserves to be with someone who loves her for who she is and wouldn't change a thing about her, and that's always been George. 

Years later they're canonically still lovey-dovey enough to gross out their teenage kids.

I thought it over and can conclusively tell you that Lucilius would not like Human Centipede

I however regret to inform you that Belial would

He helped Lucilius perform those experiments and, as with all things related to Lucilius, probably conditioned himself into believing that inflicting gruesome body horror on people is sexy

He would watch with rapt attention and be mentally undressing the mad scientist guy

If we further go by the song Red Flags, two lines in particular stand out

"I admire the narrative of character growth"

That's a pun, since the people involved in the Centipede "grow" by being sewn together. Lucilius would not have the patience for wordplay, but Belial, silver-tongued serpent that he is, would fucking relish in it. He would pride himself on that phrasing

"The costume design was a highlight"

The segments wear pretty much rags that cover up their bottoms and, in the case of the women, their chests. Lots of skin showing. An immediate plus for Belial

So all things considered I see a lot of reasons for Belial being the horror movie fan. He already has a history of getting unreasonably attached to things, why not really get into a movie that reminds him of his Lucilius?

Red Flags would then work as the tale of someone going on a date with Belial before the guy reveals how truly unhinged he is. But he's hot and some say that crazy is really good in bed, so they're willing to take the risk

I personally think it'd be especially funny if the other guy was Beelzebub

Anyway, I'm terribly sorry, but I felt the need to exhume this discussion only to lay it to proper rest

*buries face in hands* can't believe you all successfully brought the human centipede lucilius discourse back. After having tried so hard to push it back away.

Anyway yeah i agree on Lucilius not actually being fan of the idea (mostly because he can do it better) but at least we stopped there last time, and now having to face the actual, very true, point that Belial would totally be into it, makes it a whole new level of horrifying. I guess we're never escaping the Tom Cardyness of Belial.

Now you just need to picture Belial singing "I admire the narrative of character growth" when Lucilius is starting to make Avatar while Lucilius. sighs. so deeply.

In a modern AU type of things, i can totally imagine Belial being a horror movie fan who would unironically be into human centipede so. that's correct. And the fact that this movie could remind him of Lucilius is spot on.

and as for this last point. Damn. so we're making it human centipede Belial now while he's horrifying Beelzebub huh.

this is terrible. You brought back this nightmare and for what? to be absolutely right about your take? to give a perfectly reasonable ending to it all? to traumatize me one last time?

thank you very much for this i'll never recover.

WE ARE THE TIGERS/WATT WEEK DAY 4

HAPPY WATT WEEK DAY 4!!!

Today’s prompt is: Pom poms up

Continuing with my contributions for the week, as this is a lyric from Shut Up and Cheer, I will give my song commentary and analysis of it.

The fact I have been in Eva’s place before actually (minus the people dying, but the drama, OH GOD. Yes, I can confirm even SWIM TEAM can have drama. And not the drama in the musical theater way)

•”In a room full of people who have clearly mad bad choices, I may be the stupidest one here”

•Now WOAH WOAH WOAH. There’s so much to say here.

•FIRST, I LOVE THIS LINE. What a BANGER opening line

•PRESTON MAX ALLEN KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING COMING UP WITH THIS OKAY?

•It says a LOT in one line

•effective ways to start a song: be Eva in WATT

•Also just Sydney Parra. That’s all.

•Finally, I just realized could this lyric still technically work if you swapped “people” and “choices”?

•“in a room full of choices who have clearly made bad people” idk 😂

•”Cause having heard the stories, and knowing all the drama” Eva my beloved come here I will give you all the hugs

•”I still said I’d join the murder squad this year” Omg an alternative title for WATT? “Murder Squad the Musical”

•and technically if we’re getting logical Riley is the main agent because Reese k wording Clark was an accident but yeah okay anyway

•”I swore that lightning won’t strike twice, and surely this is all under control” oh honey- YOU GOT A BIG STORM COMING

•”This school costs more than I can say, they straight up comped me 60k” HONEY THAT SHOULD’VE BEEN THE WARNING SIGN/FIRST RED FLAG

•”but also I’m afraid I sold my soul” Never would I have thought to comment here and make a connection to Faust but curse that one college course that made me read Faust- I have a feeling Eva would hate Goethe too

•”So I can say no this shit is insane” THE WAY SHE ADDS A BIT OF A GROWL ON “SHIT”

•”Or I can keep my cool and stay in my lane” ME when there was drama on my swim team and I was not living for it and just trying to live my own life

ARE WE READY FOR THE NEXT PART??

AH HERE IT COMES

AND PUT MY POM POMS UP, OH I RA RA RAH AND DISAPPEAR, SHUT UP AND CHEER

•“They won’t even know that I am here” In other situations I would say oof Eva deserves to shine for sure, I mean yeah she only gets like this song but yeah I understand she was the new girl so she only just got there but it makes sense to me and I’m glad Preston put in in the album because it gives us HER perspective like “do you ever look at someone and wonder what is going on inside their head” also maybe it’s a good thing Eva was masking because imagine if Riley went after her next

•”I have worked so hard for so much less” OOOOOOOH TOO RELATABLE, RELATABLE LINE ONCE AGAIN

•”I think maybe every high school is a mess” Eva you couldn’t be more real in this song I swear

•”you want a little structure, you just want a smaller class size, and somehow you have ended up in hell” can also confirm

•”if everyone seems crazy maybe I’m the one who’s crazy” Eva is just so real

•also quick psa, on a musical side note, I LOVE THE PIANO MELODY/RYTHYM IN THIS SONG!!

•”and all of them are doing really well” girl you’re probably the most stable one here tbh

•”or see these goddamn girls won’t get in my way” I kind love how she sings this line, tbh part of me feels like she’s letting some inner Riley out

•“shut up and cheer and back awaaaaaAAAAAaaaAay” YES EVA SING

•”complicated god I know it, I’m afraid but I won’t show it” also a mood

•”I can pray that they’ll outgrow it” Well thank god most of them did (rip we’ll never know about Chess and Farrah if they lived tho)

•”take a chance and make it through the year” LOVE how the instrumental builds up through this section

•”get in the clear” I’m sensing the double meaning here

•”And say that life’s not fair, oh I’ve so been there” who hasn’t tbh

•“Shut up and cheer ready ok”

EVA MY BELOVED. My favorite real icon and to think it started from just delivering pizza. This whole song is just one giant mood. I love it.

Some Saturday Morning Portal Fic

Yeah, I don’t even know where this one came from. It’s called Little Blue Thing (yeah like the song, maybe I was inspired) and it just kinda sprouted up overnight like a patch of mushrooms around an old stump. It’s a meandering vignette about Chell in her Relaxation Vault (circa 1999-2000 or so), mulling over a number of loosely related things, as one does when one is lying in bed, trying (or so totally not trying) to get to sleep before Stasis Mode kicks in.

Actually, the impetus for this short fic came from a comment someone left on my last fic, which recalled a scene where Doug Rattmann met Chell on an elevator shortly before the latter went into stasis. Basically they asked: Would Chell have recognized Doug when they encountered each other again way after the end of Portal 2? And me being me, of course I had no satisfying answer. 🥴 But as a reminder I headcanon them as fraternal twins, separated at birth. So... No shipping happening here! Sorry!

Y’know I'm still not sure if I have an answer to that question yet even now, but here's me thinking about it!

~~~📺~~~

Thank you for watching Aperture Relaxation Television, an affiliate of Aperture Laboratories Access Television! This concludes today's scheduled broadcast. Our studio and transmitter facility is located in Aperture Laboratories Headquarters, sector Whiskey Newton. We broadcast a variety of live and pre-recorded programming, with all original content furnished by the Aperture Laboratories Public and Media Relations Department, whose offices are located in sector Bravo Ampere. Programming provided by our outside affiliates does not necessarily reflect the opinion of Aperture Laboratories, nor does it represent an endorsement by any individual member of our executive staff. For continuing information and entertainment, we invite you to tune in to 85.2 FM for our 24-hour radio service. From all of us at ART, we bid you a good evening and a successful stasis period.

And now, the Aperture Laboratories Corporate Anthem—

—Thwip.

With the push of a button—whose remote was tethered to the nightstand, natch—the television flickered off, leaving naught but its negative afterimage, a little blue thing floating in total darkness.

Chell reached for another button, this one positioned beside the switch for her bedside lamp, that would activate Extended Relaxation Mode after a ten minute timer. Then, she snuggled a little deeper into her bed, loudly.

Who snuggles into beds loudly…?

Beds aren't supposed to be loud but the ones in Extended Relaxation had these weird mattresses made of some kind of memory foam, and were lined on the bottom with this brittle and unusually vocal vinyl. The kind of thing used in public-facing institutions where making a bed was a calculated risk, one that involved a variety of unmentionable substances. It crinkled and smelled and forced her to reminisce about sharing cheap motel rooms with her dad and stepmom and stepsister during family vacations.

Come to think of it, they never went anywhere fun, not really. Disney World was for other kids. Hell, they couldn't even sneak a Six Flags in there every now and then. For Kid Chell, summers held the promise of nothing but that sweltering drive from Joliet to Kimberling City, MO, to visit her stepmom's mom.

So, step-grandma…?

Chell was instructed to call her "Nana" which she did, forsaking her own feelings about it to spare those of an old woman. Nana was a nice enough lady but she made a hobby of growing kumquats in her backyard and they tasted absolutely disgusting but Chell would have to choke down like a whole punnet of them every time her family came to visit. And then, one night out of a week already stuffed to bursting with tedium and cousins and indigestion, they would all load into Nana's red Aerostar and trek east to the big city—Branson!—for dinner and a show, always bland and oily and vaguely unsatisfying.

Before the ghostly knot of summers’ past could germinate in her stomach, Chell flipped onto her back and stared at the ceiling, the chiaroscuro of the room developing like an old Polaroid as her eyes adjusted to its darkness. The first thing she always did was triangulate the location of the room's Aperture Laboratories We-Don't-Know-What-It-Does-Precisely-We-Just-Know-It's-Some-Kind-Of-Detector Detector on the ceiling. Maybe it detected smoke. Probably not. But it had a tiny red light on its side that glared inexorably through the night.

This time she glared right back at it. She wanted to stay awake. Just once she wanted to feel it when Extended Relaxation Mode kicked in, to see what happened.

Kinda like trying to keep one's eyes open when sneezing.

Maybe she would succeed this time. Her brain seemed unstoppable tonight, ruminating on its own punnet of kumquats, determined to chew each one to a barely edible pulp that tasted of the body spray her classmates used to fumigate the girls' locker room after gym class.

"How did I get down here?" she asked herself (frequently, but especially now). "How did this happen? Why did this happen?"

You were looking for dad, read one kumquat.

Dad always told you not to worry about it—his job, whenever you asked him why his bosses at Aperture made him travel up to their HQ in Michigan every month, read another.

"Who's worried?" you'd always tell him, even if you did worry, even if you worried a lot, read another.

Because then one day he went up there and never came back, read another.

Aperture wouldn't say what happened to him, not exactly what happened to him.

They said it was an accident.

They said they were not responsible for it.

They said nothing more about him ever again after that.

And you said

"Bullshit!" Chell shouted her whisper into the void.

So you tried to get closer. Closer to the truth. Closer to the black hole without getting sucked in.

There is a hotly disputed theory in quantum mechanics that information entering a black hole is lost forever. Chell tried to count herself among the disbelievers; after all, even now she could see that red light on the detector on the ceiling and the little blue thing still floating around her headspace. She remembered the announcer thanking her for watching television that evening, and where Aperture Laboratories Access Television's transmitter was located. She knew that, for what it was worth, she was still Michelle [EDITOR'S NOTE: Curiously, there was once a surname printed here, but the ink has since smeared to the point of illegibility. Our sincere apologies for any narrative inconvenience this may cause].

But did anyone Out There know that she was In Here? Did anyone remember her name, who she was, what she looked like, what she liked and disliked, who she loved, who loved her?

You got a B.S. in Mathematics and a minor in Music (tuba) and a specialist certificate in Applied Scientific Modeling, her mind chewed on and on.

You turned down an offer from Black Mesa to try to get a job here at Aperture.

Aperture wouldn't hire you, but they wouldn't say why.

So you tried to become a test subject.

You got rejected, but they wouldn't say why.

"So then I… Ugh."

Chell didn't want any more kumquats. She shifted gears, flopping onto her left side this time while pulling the bed's comforter over her head. To the hand, its fabric was scratchy and deeply specific—the kind of thing with a lengthy tag sewed to one hem explaining how well it repels fire or bodily fluids while promising swift and severe justice to anyone (save the actual consumer) who would dare cut it off. To the nose, the blanket was only human and needed laundering. Meanwhile, the air conditioning unit beside the vault's approximation of a plate glass window kept chugging along, blasting out its penetrating draft and freon musk, softly rattling the vertical blinds in a sort of atonal plastic lullaby.

If she closed her eyes—she didn't dare, but if she did, it would be so easy to imagine hearing her stepsister's quiet snoring beside her, and feel the sporadic kick of a phantom foot.

Rather, she rewound to a less distant past.

This happened god knows how long ago in Real People Time, but by her own measure it was only a few bad sitcom episodes and half-eaten tubs of 100% REAL in the past—that day in mid-June, 1999, when she was taking the elevator down to the Vaults and that weird guy slipped through the doors at the last second. She remembered his face to photographic precision but the photograph was another one of those old Polaroids, kind of poorly exposed, dreamlike, obscure. He wore a white lab coat and necktie like everyone else who worked there, but he was so gangly and awkward that he looked like he was playing dress-up with Dad's stuff from work. Chell reckoned it was the bandages that made him truly memorable, all those bandages wrapped around his head but they didn't do quite enough to hide every trace of trauma, of blood or bruise.

Through another passenger, she learned his name was Douglas.

"Yeah, this happened here," was Douglas's diffident revelation about his head wound. "But it was an accident, so, no big deal."

Aperture Laboratories apparently did nothing on purpose.

Furthermore this Douglas had an uncanny quality to him. Politely paranoid, Chell recalled. He spoke softly but seemed to radiate this intense nervous energy like a rapidly decaying isotope. A real live wire, like in that one Talking Heads song:

Fa-fa-fa-fa, fa-fa-fa-fa-fa, fa, better Run, run, run, run, run, run, run away

He wasn't paranoid, he was trying to warn you about the contracts, read a sudden kumquat—the worst kind.

He was trying to warn you about the vaults, read another.

He was trying to warn you about the event horizon, read another.

He looked at you with eyes just like yours, pale and frozen furious, read the last one.

Well. One eye was pale and frozen furious. The other one he kept hidden underneath all those bandages. Assuming he still had it.

Well. Maybe he was trying to warn her about something. Maybe he was too afraid to speak of it so directly on company grounds. Maybe he too laid up at night wondering if verging too close to a black hole might put even the memory of one's existence at risk.

Well. In the end, he told her not to worry about it.

"Don't worry about it," he said. Exactly like that.

"Who's worried?" Chell muttered to herself and closed her eyes, momentarily pacified by the sensation, distant but distinct, of mutual remembrance.

evil western capitalism ruins maoist propaganda

[ID: a screenshot of a youtube video that is unavailable due to a copyright block.]

[ID: A screenshot of the video title and stats. It is The East is Red (1964) and has had 116,200 views since its uploading on April 27, 2011. End ID]

.

.

Do you know how funny this is to me?

The East is Red is the most propaganda-y propaganda you can imagine. It’s about two hours worth of communist ballet and starts with a song glorifying Mao as dancers figuratively depict his birth by emerging from a flower. There is everything. There is a ballet of guerilla soldiers in a cornfield singing about how the people love them so much that they never want for anything.

literally, it starts out by saying something to the effect of “The East is red, the sun rises, China has Mao Zedong” (more literally, ‘china has birthed/produced a Mao Zedong. It rhymes a lot better in Mandarin).

Then two hours of the “history” of the PRC with a full-scale orchestra, a choir of probably at least 200 people (idk, I can’t estimate crowds) and an entire auditorium of people was filmed watching it. The ballet is intense. Massive cast. Truly amazing. The epitome of state-communist extravaganza.

It’s also a very imperialist text (esp. the depiction of Tibet).

Anyways, I cannot express how funny it is to me that it’s been struck down on a copyright claim from *check’s notes* YB media, which is apparently an digital marketing company.

what in the name of mao does YB media have copyrighted in this film? and why? you’re literally the ultimate bogeyman of films like this: a western capitalist advertising company. The only thing that could make it worse is if you were a  KMT-member-led western capitalist advertising company.

Anyways, this reminds me that I need to update The East is Red’s Wikipedia page because it currently says:

“The East is Red was the first occurrence of Han Chinese and ethnic minorities in China dancing together on the same stage. It has formed a vivid, emotional and specific national image in the hearts of the people of all ethnic groups, and achieved the integration of marginal culture and central culture. In this musical and dance epic, we can see the emotional expression of many ethnic minorities and Han Chinese, such as the meeting between Tseten Dolma, one of the leaders of ethnic minorities, and Zhou Enlai. In the whole music and dance epic, the image of ethnic minorities is related to singing and dancing with a sense of joy and optimism. For more than 40 years since then, the image of ethnic minorities has basically been defined in this expression, without much change. The expression of the image of China's ethnic minorities is closely linked with the expression of the image of the country. Ethnic minorities are considered to be an integral part of China, and the unity and harmony of all ethnic groups have become the basis of the image of the country.”

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_East_Is_Red_(1965_film)

Yeah, so I can’t actually argue with the bolded part’s factuality. It just neglects to mention that it’s kinda a problem to depict your “55 ethnic minorities” for more than 40 years as happy-go-lucky ethnic dancers with special costumes who adore their savior, the CCP, and are not oppressed or targeted at all, ever, because the government is so benevolent and supportive.

so, uh...yeah this is a world where Tibetans sing happy pretty songs of praise to their CCP allies and saviors and would never, ever consider self-immolation in protest.

Anyways, off to at least flag the article as problematic.

(here’s the taken down video link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NbSQc6btIQc )

survey #033

“my language: international”

I didn't know people couldn't but, can you smell ants? What scent do they put off to you? WAIT, YOU MEAN I'M NOT FUCKING INSANE???????? OH MY GOD I *ACTUALLY* THOUGHT THIS WAS JUST ME. As someone living in a house that goes through seemingly seasonal ant problems, I thought I was fucking losing it when after squishing an ant and my hand came near my face, I SWEAR it smelled like some sort of bathroom cleaner and I have felt like a mental case since lmfaoooo Do you believe in an afterlife? As time wanes on, the more and more I think no, at least not in like... a fully sentient, fully aware way. Like i very confidently believe in spirits, but hell if I know what that existence is like. Maybe there is something more beyond, but I'm not gonna waste this life obsessing over it. If you had to get a tattoo of lyrics or a quote, what would it be? I am very dedicated to the plan of one day getting a Rammstein lyric that translates to "whoever knows pain is dangerous" tattooed somewhere with some sort of fire graphic (relates to the song). Even before this whole Rammstein phase started, I'd wanted this for many, many years because imo it's one of the most empowering lyrics I've ever heard. I just haven't decided exactly where I want it yet. Do you have any tattoos or piercings? I have not enough of either, haha. If life goes my way I want to be paaaaaiiiiiinted in tattoos one day, and there are a good number more of piercings I want. What do you consider to be red flags in a person? Not just personality-wise; think about professions, maybe what they drive, etc. Well, first I'd need to know if this is a friendship red flag or romantic relationship ones, because there are A LOT more for the latter. I am PIIIIIIICKY with who I'd be willing to date. I guess just to be interesting, I'll list some for relationships: trophy hunter (tbh I don't think I could even be friends with a trophy hunter), male gynecologist (just to harken back to the last survey I took), anger problems and being physical when expressing anger, having any interest in drugs, having a jacked-up and obnoxiously loud truck (it's shallow but I do not care, you as a person are fucking annoying), being overly-interested in sex and sexual activities, get the FUCK out with your fatphobia and being a "body hair is gross" piece of garbage, sexism and misogyny have no goddamn place in my relationship, nor does being primarily right-wing, etc. etc. I have Opinions when it comes to picking a partner lmao. What is a simple thing you cannot do? Like, I can't whistle for example. I also can't whistle, haha. Are you a fan of Britney Spears? Yo no shame, Britney has some damn good songs. Do I know most of them, no, but I enjoy a number of her songs when I'm in the right mood for pop. What’s something that gives you a quiet mind? The first thing that came to mind was listening to the rain in what is otherwise silence. Are you currently listening to music? Yeah, I have "Ausländer" by Rammstein on. After like three days of bingeing slowed + reverb childhood pop songs I think I might be returning to normal, haha. Have you ever held a spider? Yes, and it's one of my favorite memories featuring an animal, now being hooked on tarantulas and all. She was a very sweet Chilean rose hair. <3 Has anyone you know started a new job recently? Do they seem to enjoy it? Uhhh not that I'm aware of. Have you seen any photographs or videos that made you smile today? Hunny I'm back to actively being on Tumblr but this time in the Rammstein fanbase and people are always eager to share videos, pictures, and gifs of them being Dumb and Cute while they're touring so basically big yes Has anyone you know got into a new relationship lately? Uhhh not that I know of. If you menstruate, do you experience much PMS prior to it? I have it, but honestly I don't think AS bad (or regularly) as your normal menstruating person. Like normally all that really happens is I get a pimple or two and I'm more sensitive. I HAVE noticed that occasionally by probably more than just coincidence, I cry over something the day before I start. Do you know anyone else with the same first name as you? How many people? Two, but one is spelled differently. What is the last insecure thought you had? Something about how much I hate that I'm able to tell my skin is loosening in some places because it's going to get a whole lot worse if weight loss goes the way I want. It's such fucking bullshit that losing a certain amount of weight eventually becomes UNCOMFORTABLE because your skin doesn't just evaporate. I don't understand why such a massive accomplishment has to come with self-esteem problems. What is your most embarrassing moment? I'm not comfortable elaborating beyond my mother being home when I thought she wasn't. Who is your daddy, and what does he do? Don't... word it like that, but w/e, my dad's name is Ken (his sister's name is Barbara and you can guess her nickname lsdjkfa;lkawe) and he's a mailman. Has an old person ever been mean to you? Yes. If you had to get advice from someone of the opposite sex, who would you go to? Girt, for sure. Do you like the last person you kissed? More than that, I am absolutely in love with him. Have you ever seen someone get a piercing/tattoo? Yes to both. Did you watch the presidential debates? No. Are you typically unattracted to people outside of your race? Nope, race has nothing to do with attractiveness to me. Do you eat the crusts of your bread? Yeah, I've never understood what the bread crust hate was about... Do you think you are more intelligent than the average person? HA, no. Do you like cherries? Absolutely not, that's like my least-favorite fruit. Name a celebrity that you admire that nobody would expect you to: Jeffree Star. You CANNOT deny this man has WILD fucking worth ethic. I know in early years especially he was controversial and hasn't always been in the right, buuut I like forgiving people and letting them grow from mistakes, and for a few years now, I haven't heard anything bad about him, although granted I don't follow him as loyally as I once did. Do you like folk music? Oh my GOD no. Ever had a crush on somebody of the same sex? More than once. Do you know any lesbians? Uhhh maybe? I honestly can't say I'm sure if I know a woman who ONLY likes other women. When you were younger, were you ever in a relationship with someone you now realize was way too old for you? No. What’s the oldest man-made object you own? Ha, probably my fuckin bed frame. This shit was my GRANDPARENTS'. Then MY parents'. Now mine. It's olddddd. Do any of your friends or family members have strange occupations? Hm... I don't THINK so. Have you ever been in weather so severe that you feared for your safety? Oh yes. Have you ever used a meal kit delivery service? No. When taking a cab, do you talk to the driver? I've never been in this situation. Who or what greets you at the door every time you come home? Cookie, our little dog that basically has an asthma attack when Mom and sometimes I get home. It's apparently a normal excited reaction for chihuahuas. Roman will also usually be in the hallway watching. Do you ever chat about your favourite video games with your friends? Yep, with online buddies and then Girt is a way bigger gamer than even me so odds are you can talk to him about any game that isn't horror, lol. Do you wanna get married anytime soon? REALISTICALLY, no. BUT I do know that I can get carried away when I'm seriously in love with somebody, so there's that thought of "well why not now" every now and then that thank god I'm pretty good at shutting up because I don't exactly like the idea of rushing in and then getting a divorce, lol. I want to feel more confident in my weight and all too before I'm putting on a dress and getting pictures taken of me. Have you ever kissed someone in a band? No. WELL Girt was in the school band with me, does that count? haha Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear? No, but that is honestly one of my secret "man this would be cute if..." dream moments, haha. Did your mom or dad ever put soap in your mouth? No; Mom would threaten it sometimes, but it never actually happened. Have you ever dated someone with more piercings than you? No. Do you have a back-up career choice? What is it? Hunny I don't even have a first choice right now. Is there a name that you hear and cringe? I don't think I will EEEEEEEVER be able to hear "Jason" and not be uncomfortable for a few seconds. What was the last computer game you played? World of Warcraft. What colour are your dad’s eyes? Brown. How would you react if your mom told you she’s gay? That'd be... extremely shocking and I would absolutely make a joke like "but what about James Hetfield?" (love of her ACTUAL life), but of course I would support my mother deeply. When you were a kid, was there a boy/girl that you said you were going to marry? No; I was actually very much an "ew, guys/marriage" kid for a very long time. I was SO awkward with admitting when I started getting crushes. Is your favourite TV show very popular? I'm actually quite sure that Meerkat Manor was Animal Planet's most successful, highest-grossing show, at least it was at one point. Has your father met the boy you currently love? Yes, but it's been an extremely long time and the idea of Girt even seeing my dad after the movie theater incident honestly makes me nervous. I'm quite fucking sure he doesn't like him right now. Are you closer with your siblings or cousins? Well by default it has to be my sisters because I barely even know the cousins I still associate with. My sisters and I aren't very close either, but I wish we were. How many people have you really fallen for? Two. Where is your best friend? He's probably at work. I can never manage to remember his alternating schedule, but I'm pretty sure he works today because he was off not very long ago. Your girlfriend/boyfriend buys you flowers, you say? Haha probably something along the lines of, "What did you do?", before obviously saying thank you and kissing him like 20 times because it's an adorable gesture. Do you think age matters in relationship? When a minor is involved, absofuckinglutely. Even once you're 21, the idea of dating someone like, 10+ years older than yourself is... odd to me, BUT I have no moral arguments against it because you're a consenting adult that can make their own romantic decisions. I just don't think I could, I like my partner being similar in age to me. If you could make your lips bigger, would you? No, they don't bother me. Have you ever been kicked out of somewhere? Yes, Colleen's house. Her sister and I got into a fight and by some actual miracle she chose her sister to side with; I call it a miracle because their relationship was/probably still is absolute toxic shit. Have you ever intentionally trolled? No. How many siblings do your parents have? Mom has two brothers and a sister, and I THINK Dad just has a sister. Do you have a favourite sports player? No. Has anyone ever made fun of the way you pronounced something? Ha, yes. I know I say "breakfast" weird, like there's a "t" after the "k" and I've never been able to fix it. Have you ever forged a note for something at school? No. Do you like whippets and greyhounds? I do, very pretty, sleek dogs. Do you know anyone who's been adopted? I know at least one person, yes. Name someone who used to be your best friend and now you never talk to them. A lot, but one I miss the most is Hannia. I would LOVE to see her reaction to Girt and I being a couple now, haha. She was also in our little band group of friends. Tell me something really bitchy a relative has done. Oh, y'know, my grandmother disowned her daughter and got her ostracized from the Roman Catholic church for getting pregnant out of wedlock. She was a /lovely/ woman. Mom's got a bigger heart than I do for EVER caring about her, for being the person who cleaned and took care of this witch in her dying days. Have you ever found a bug in your food? Omg ew no. Your boyfriend's birthday is coming up, and you’re totally broke. What do you do? Ha, so, basically last year and what's probably gonna happen this year, too. I don't know, dude. I'll just... figure something out. When was the last time you were at a park? ... WOW okay there's two possibilities: when Sara and I were together and we took pictures there, or when I was taking photographs for a family that I'd shot a lot for. I really can't seem to remember which of those is closest. Do you feel like going to funerals helps you in the grieving process? I don't know, man. I don't even think I've BEEN to a funeral before, just a couple wakes. If humans could have their eyes be any color in the world, which color would you want? Hm... maybe like, a light purple? My instinct is to go to baby pink, but with the sclera and all I feel like it wouldn't stand out enough. OHHHH WAIT but what about maroon... or- okay you know what idk, I'd have to trial some colors first, lol.

guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.

For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell

fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one

i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft

that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you

tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again

as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams jason: don't you dare put on weird shit tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)

hear me out hear me out, red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans t h i g h s

holy shit yes.

SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe

superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'

does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom

it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.

I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?

as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)

somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.

and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!

babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence

babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to

JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT

again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song

The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian

oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag

soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"

i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage

Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?

don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)

What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk

stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.

This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it

This is canon now @nctxrejects

lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out

idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family

bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another

I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.

yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.

Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings

smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn

Duke was adopted by Bruce?

not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?

True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live

true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?

apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome

ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.

ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut

lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash

oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man

while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.

dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie

magnum hot take

hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth

thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)

why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???

what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones

oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no

I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked

yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends

"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years

i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.

BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them

lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.

I am in love with your posts your honour thank you

omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?

The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST: 1) clark 2) lois 3) oliver 4) dinah 5) john

Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian

yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

and what about it?

when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST

oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat

Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes

lmao i do too

I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it

he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.

you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank

babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)

ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something

that's a very good vocabulary upgrade

somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”

steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.

Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you. Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious

babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks

In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97

lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)

You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.

bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers

How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?

horrible, next question.

I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid

yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

superman: so what do you do in your free time? batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time

bruce and oliver be like boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)

lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)

Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje

he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'

I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??

i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way

SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed

'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'

i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam

fair enough

Wherever the world takes us Part 1 - A SBI!Reader insert

GN

Pairings: none Characters included: Philza, Wilbur, Tommy, Tubbo, Cpt Puffy, Schlatt, Captain Sparklez, (mentioned) Fundy Warnings: small mention of death Series: Yes, planned slow updates but this happens in a slight AU world of the official lore of the dsmp and follows along the plot only this time the reader gets included as the middle hybrid child of the SBI Part 2

Summary: A small introduction to the SBI family dynamic including the reader! Today is Techno’s big day at the local festival! He get’s to participate in a fighting tournament but until that happens there is still a ton of time to somehow still get into trouble, isn’t there?

Word count: 4380

Shapeshifters aren’t as rare as many people think. In fact many carry that gene but not everyone ends up showing the properties of one. If you have the active gene you may show first changes during your early childhood which then stretches out until your late teens where the changes will stop resulting in the persons usual animal like form. These changes can range from a whole body covered in fur to having goat like eyes or just horns on their head.

As far as scientists know there isn’t a real reason as to what the final form will be since Shapeshifters who are directly related to one another can have complete and drastically different forms to each other. Though an old myth has been going around for as long as people know that the form a Shapeshifter takes is a result of their subconscious, something that mirrors their true self. Sadly due to this belief many Non-Shifters hold stereotypes and prejudice towards them.

Philza was a Shapeshifter himself. As a kid two stubs slowly appeared at his back and settled in over the years as beautiful huge black wings that he could use for takeoff and a bit for flying but mostly functioned better for gliding around. He used these wings to later travel around the world, learning everything about it and training himself.

At some point he did settle down again and ended up fathering four children alone of whom two showed Shapeshifter properties as well.

There were the twins Technoblade and Wilbur. Technoblade showed from an early age on a deeper interest in fighting. Always asking to learn more than the self-defense techniques their father was teaching them, so Philza took the time to teach him everything he knew. Gifting him later on a proper iron sword which Techno then used to train almost daily with. Philza later had to put mending on that sword since it was chipped and scratched in a short time over heavy use. He is also one of the two children of Philza who ended up being a Shapeshifter. They first noticed when two of his teeth in his lower jaw tended to peek out of his mouth. Over the years these two teeth turned into full blown tusks, flappy pink ears would appear on his head, his hair slowly turned into a soft pink, as well as bristle like fur begun growing on his arms. It were the characteristics of a pig as they soon realized.

Wilbur the younger of the twins by two minutes was more interested in music and books. Philza gifted him a guitar the same time he gave Techno his first sword. From that point on it was a rare thing if you didn’t see Wilbur’s guitar around him. Either on his person or laying close by him. Over time he got really proficient with the instrument and begun writing amazing songs as well as singing them himself.

The middle child Y/N was the more mellow of the whole bunch though this didn’t mean much in the context of the whole family. While they happily took part in whatever trouble their siblings got up to they were at the end the first person that would try to help solve these troubles as well and took care of any wounds. To that end they soon learned how to grow their own herbs to make medicine. This was something Philza taught them. Both would spent a ton of time in the garden, so much so, that the garden was dubbed Y/N’s and Dad’s garden. Techno would sometimes help out as well but that was a more rare occurrence. Y/N was the second kid with the active Shapeshifter gene. Just like their father, two stubs appeared at their back that too would turn into huge black wings. Y/N still remembered how perplexed but proud Philza was when he understood what was happening. They didn’t know what they expected from their father but this reaction wasn’t it. But they weren’t mad about it.

The youngest of the family was Tommy and he was the number one reason why the kids got into trouble in the first place. He would wake up, make weird plans and rope the others into it as well. Wilbur was the first he would usually try to recruit to which Techno then would reluctantly join knowing that if the two are together they will need help later on. Getting Y/N on board was pretty easy as well. It was either a thing of them knowing they will one hundred percent get hurt so best to join in now or they were feeling particularly chaotic that day and wouldn’t even hesitate to join.

Back when they all lived together in their old cottage home their daily lives would always start in the same way.

Philza would be the first awake. He would wake the children up and continue downstairs to work on breakfast for everyone.

There was no real order to who would be the first downstairs for food but it was always Y/N who would be the last to join the group. Moving in front of their designated chair only to stretch before properly sitting down.

“Ew! Gross! Your wing touched my food!” Wilbur exclaimed angrily, pulling the plate with his food closer to himself and farther away from his sibling.

Y/N rolled their eyes “I’m not poisonous, Wilbur.”

“Still gross.” He muttered more to himself as he reluctantly took a bite from his toast.

Phil eyed the two but looked back down to his food and coffee “Your wings are getting pretty big. I’m sure it won’t take long until you can do more than just gliding about.”

“So, that means you can teach them to fly soon?” Tommy was the one to ask surprisingly. Sure, that was on Y/N’s mind as well so they didn’t mind Tommy saying what they thought but they still felt like it was a bad sign and a call for trouble though they couldn’t think how nor did they care enough to find out.

Philza raised one of his eyebrows, obviously taking note of that fact as well. It was something you learned to look out for once you spend enough time with Tommy. “I’m not sure how soon but I think so, yeah.”

“Cool.” Was all Tommy remarked. He then proceeded to stare at his food so his family would get their suspicion off of him. Acting as if he didn’t just figuratively plant a huge red flag on the table with the words “I have a plan!”.

Y/N on the other hand couldn’t help to smile. They were excited for the eventual day when Philza could finally teach them how to fly. For the longest time now they have only learned to use their wings to glide and got really good at changing directions while doing so. Taking care of their wings was already a pain so they wanted to get at least something good out of having them in the first place and being able to properly fly is a huge plus since getting into positions where you could actually  glide around was a difficult and a bothersome thing.

Philza sighed choosing to ignore Tommy and instead turned to look at Wilbur and Y/N “What is your plan today? Want to join me and Techno when we go into town for the tournament?”

After a few seconds of confused expressions between the two Wilbur suddenly shouted “Oh! Techno’s tournament! Of course! I wanna see him beat up other people for a change!”

Techno snorted “Really feeling the support here right now, bro.”

“I’m guessing you both are coming too?” Philza was now addressing the other two of his kids.

Both were fast and eager to agree. Wilbur was right. Usually Techno tried sparring with his siblings though using the word sparring was maybe an overstatement. He would mercilessly beat them up and complain they didn’t last long enough. At rare times where all of them were bored enough they would play a game of >Who can last the longest against Techno<. Y/N really wasn’t too big a fan of this game since they ended up being the only one who would address the wounds later including their own since they didn’t trust the others to properly apply a band aid.

From this point on the breakfast was more alive than before. Tommy and Wilbur would constantly ask questions to Techno about who he will be fighting or how everything will work. To which he all just gave a very non-committal “I dunno”.

After they all cleaned up the breakfast table, they got ready and grabbed everything they needed.

The town wasn’t super far away but it was a long enough walk that it would be inconvenient to get back for things you might have forgotten.

Techno grabbed his sword while Wilbur made sure to take his beloved guitar with him. Y/N made sure to grab all kinds of medicine and bandages with them. They knew Techno will get treated at the tournament should he get hurt but they felt better if they brought some stuff with them as well. Tommy on the other hand made sure to grab all kinds of things including a few pages of paper, pens, string and more. Philza wanted to just write it down to Tommy probably meeting up with Tubbo in town and doing harmless crafts but the chances were slim.

As they made their way to the tournament and Philza was preaching to them to not cause any trouble since there would be a lot of people there today, Y/N soon noticed how Techno would nervously play around with the hilt of his worn out sword.

They affectionately put their arm around their older brother for a short side hug, including putting their wing around him “You’ll do fine. I know it. Don’t worry too much and just imagine you are beating one of us up.”

Technoblade had to roll his eyes at that “I’ll try to take that advice to heart.”

As they arrived in town the kids looked around in awe. Everywhere were stalls set up selling food or little decorative things or toys. People where weaving in and out between stalls, loudly talking with each other. Laughter and yells filled the air.

In the middle of the town square there was a huge box marked on the ground. This is where the fights would happen. As far as Techno explained the rules were simple. Get your opponent on their back, get them out of the box or beat them unconscious. Tommy was absolutely loving the idea of Techno beating all of his opponents unconscious and said he wouldn’t take any other result as acceptable.

“Alright kiddos. Techno and I have to talk with the organizer. You three can go and have some fun but you have to promise me a few things. Whatever you guys do stay together! Don’t talk to strangers and as soon as the fights start you come over. I will find you then, okay? I will only let you guys go if you agree to this.”

“I can still try to find Tubbo, right?” Tommy asked.

“Of course but only if you all stay together.” He was looking at Wilbur when he said the last part. This meant Wilbur was the boss for today. Well until they met up again with their dad.

Wilbur put his hands on each shoulder of his younger siblings “We will! Don’t worry dad!”

Philza gave them a last nod before walking off. Before Techno followed him he looked at the three “Don’t… cause too much trouble. At least for me so nothing happens to the tournament.” With that Technoblade turned around and followed Philza closely.

“Well, what should we start with?” Y/N asked their brothers.

Tommy threw his arms in the air “Tubbo!”

Wilbur laughed “Alright. We’ll try to find your Tubbo. I’m sure he and his siblings should be around here as well.”

Tubbo was Tommy’s best friend and honestly he hangs around their home so much they almost consider him a family member as well. He had an older sister Puffy and an older brother Schlatt though. They were a curious case. All three of them carried the active Shapeshifter gene and all three begun growing horns, their ears turned into that of goats and they all had the horizontal iris’.

Y/N liked to spend time with Puffy. Just like Y/N Puffy too acted more like a caretaker to her siblings which the two soon bonded over while Schlatt and Wilbur soon hit it off as well. It was actually quite amusing to see them interacting since Wilbur was known for loving art and freedom. Schlatt on the other hand tried to see how he can scam the most people in the most effective manner in the shortest amount of time. Trying to turn in a profit at every turn. You wouldn’t immediately think they would end up being such good friends.

The three were raised by their father as well who everyone just referred to as Captain Sparklez though his real name was Jordan. He coincidentally also helped with setting up this little festival for the town.

Tommy suddenly took a deep breath in as he cupped his hands around his mouth “Tubbo!”

Wilbur furrowed his brows “Tommy, there are a ton of people around here! There is no way he heard you.”

“Tommy! Over here!” a different voice called out, away from all the stalls and people.

Wilbur and Y/N looked surprised while Tommy almost proudly smirked at them. The bond Tommy and Tubbo had was something else.

Together the three ran through the crowd to finally meet up with Tubbo and apparently his siblings. As a greeting Tubbo softly headbutted Tommy while Puffy did the same to Y/N. Schlatt never did this with Wilbur. Said he might have goat like characteristics but he is still more human than goat hence why he didn’t do this whole headbutting thing. It has been a whole ordeal with Wilbur once where he demanded to get a headbutt from Schlatt as well for a greeting. After enough prodding and being a general nuisance Schlatt decided to straight up headbutt him as hard as possible almost knocking him out and gave him a good bruise on his forehead. Wilbur never asked for another headbutt greeting since then.

Y/N gave Puffy an additional hug, making sure to wrap their wings around her as well “I’m glad to see you Puffy!”

“So am I! I heard Techno is taking part in the tournament, isn’t he?”

Schlatt was for some reason cackling at that “Oh I bet he will win, won’t he? This would be the best time for some betting!”

Tommy, Y/N and Wilbur all nodded saying things like “Of course he will win. My brother is the best”

Soon the group begun to fall into their usual banter. Tommy and Tubbo were doing something next to them, only sometimes getting back into the conversation. Schlatt and Wilbur on the other hand were talking about how they could start bets and maybe earn some money because surely Techno will win. Y/N and Puffy listened in only to interject at times to root them back down. Both made sure they wouldn’t end up doing anything too stupid, though they too were in on it and ready to help out.

In the end the whole group was sitting on the ground and writing their plan down on the paper Tommy brought with him as suddenly a loud voice boomed over the crowd announcing that the fighting tournament will soon begin.

Tubbo looked absolutely horrified “No! I didn’t have a chance to check out the candy yet!”

Schaltt sighed and gave Tubbo a reassuring pat on his back “Don’t worry kiddo they will still be here after the tournament.”

With that the group begun walking to the marked place for the fighting. All the while Schlatt was grumbling that this was way too early and he couldn’t act on his betting plans.

“There are a lot of people.” Y/N noted as they came closer to their goal.

Indeed there were a surprising amount of people standing around the place. If it was difficult to get through the crowd before, now it seemed almost impossible. It was almost comical how the crowd seemingly turned into a wall of steel as the announcer begun his speech in order to greet all the people watching.

“Ugh, I can barely see anything.” Wilbur whined as he moved on his toes. Wilbur was the tallest of the group so when he had problems seeing anything Y/N instinctively already gave up. Maybe one day it would be the other way around seeing as they all were still growing but for now this was the reality of the situation.

Tommy was frantically jumping into the air trying to see anything that happened. He didn’t say it but he wanted to make sure to not miss out on any second of Techno’s fights. He was his older brother after all.

“Hey, Schlatt?” Tubbo almost whispered as he tugged at his older brother’s shirt.

Schlatt barely made any proper attempt to look over the crowd probably still busy thinking about his lost business opportunity. He tilted his head down to look at Tubbo “Hm?”

Suddenly Tubbo’s unsure expression turned into a serious one. While Wilbur, Tommy and Y/N were confused about this, Puffy begun to snicker.

“Aw, come on!” Schlatt drawled out but as soon as Tubbo got his pouting face out it was over for him.

He rolled his eyes and knelt down. With the help of Puffy, Tubbo was soon sitting on Schlatt’s shoulders, overlooking the crowd.

For some reason Tommy looked absolutely betrayed “This is unfair!”

“And why is that?” was all that Tubbo asked smugly. He was grabbing onto Schlatt’s horns which lead to him involuntarily yanking around his head whenever Tubbo himself moved around. Annoyed Schlatt gave his younger brother a playful slap on his arm as a sign to knock it off.

Tommy crossed his arms “Hey, Wilby! Wait no, I’m not a child anymore.”

Before Wilbur could even do his obligatory cooing whenever Tommy used his nickname or before Y/N could remind him that he was indeed still a child and younger than Tubbo he turned towards them instead.

“Y/N! You carry me and fly up that is way cooler than sitting on someone’s shoulders like some two year old.”

This took Y/N quite by surprise “What?”

“Dad said you are ready to fly and you spent like most of your free time already gliding or flying about so like basically the same thing right?”

“No! This is completely different! Besides I’m pretty sure my wings right now are barely able to carry my own weight! To that I have no idea how to take off from ground!”

Tommy’s bottom lip begun to quiver. Both Wilbur and Y/N knew it was fake but it was still a weakness for the two.

Y/N tried grabbing Wilbur’s sleeve for support but he was already looking at them with sad eyes himself “I mean Tommy just wants to see his big brother win, which is understandable right? At least worth a try?”

It was Y/N’s time to look betrayed but their expression soon got exchange by that one of defeat “One… One try. If that doesn’t work out I will give up.”

So the group walked back away from the crowd to have more space, Tubbo still happily sitting on Schlatt’s shoulders. He looked annoyed but Puffy knew that he was just as happy as she was that Tubbo had obviously a good time.

Y/N would spent a few minutes just trying to take off the ground on their own saying that they would first need to be a bit in the air before being able to grab Tommy. Wilbur was just watching with an amused smile on his face. Oh he was almost certain how this will end in disaster but he was just too curious to see how exactly.

After multiple running starts Y/N managed to get a few feet off into the air, flying directly towards Tommy so they could pick him up. They more or less bodychecked into their younger brother but still managed to pick him up and for a short moment it looked like the two were indeed a few feet above the height of the crowd.

Tommy was screaming partially out of fear but partially out of excitement. Y/N was so concentrated on flying and holding onto Tommy they didn’t even try to look out for Techno on the ground. They stayed semi stable in the air for good two seconds before both suddenly noticed they were losing altitude rapidly.

Now both were screaming as Y/N desperately tried to glide towards the hay bails that the town put up as decoration but with the added weight of Tommy they still plummeted towards the ground pretty fast.

The next thing Y/N remembers was that they were surrounded by hay and that their whole body was feeling heavy and sore. Tommy was groaning as he tried his best to get out of the hay and off their sibling while Y/N first made sure to calmly fold their wings back against their back as they slowly got out of the hay as well.

Suddenly two strong hands grabbed the still disoriented Y/N and helped them properly back to their feet only to be met by an angry looking Philza.

“What on Ender were you thinking?”

“Oh hey dad!” Y/N croaked out as they avoided any eye contact with him. Instead they were busy plucking hay out of their wings. Due to the fall there was a lot of hay trapped between feathers, there were also a few bent feathers that felt uncomfortable at best.

Tommy was sheepishly standing next to them also avoiding eye contact.

“I told you to get to the tournament and wait for me! I told you guys I would make sure to find you so why did you do whatever the hell you just did?” Philza rambled off.

“Yeah guys why did you two do that?” Wilbur was now approaching his family as well, including their other three friends who followed suit.

Y/N let go of their wing as they turned towards their older brother with an angry frown “You encouraged us! Don’t act like you are the only innocent person here! Aren’t you as our big brother supposed to stop us or something when we are stupid?”

Philza sighed “Okay, we deal with this later but at least tell me why?”

“We wanted to see Techno but we couldn’t get past the crowd!” Tommy answered.

“My fights will only start in like half an hour dude. Didn’t you guys listen to the announcements?”

To their surprise Technoblade appeared from behind Philza. He looked bored but still had a somewhat smug smile on his face. Who wouldn’t feel a tiny big smug when your younger siblings gets into trouble with dad for something that was absolutely their fault and you were luckily this time no part of it.

“You three are in trouble! We will go back so Techno won’t be too late for when it’s his turn but once we are back home it’s three weeks of chores for all of you.”

This earned him a murmur of “Okay, dad.” And “But we didn’t do anything bad!”

After that the day ended up pretty normally. They had their trouble for the day so they continued on with following Philza back to the tournament place. He made sure that all the kids had the best places in front so they could watch as Techno absolutely destroyed the other kids.

Jordan joined them as well. Philza didn’t spend any time waiting on telling him how Y/N and Tommy crashed into one of his decorations. He wasn’t angry but did chew out his own kids a little bit for not even attempting to stop them.

For some reason this was the day Y/N always fondly thought back on. They got into their typical trouble that day but also spend a ton of time with their family and friends back in their hometown. Enjoying seeing Techno beat others up and of course winning the tournament to which then Phil and Jordan bought the kids a ton of candy from the stalls.

Yes, they loved their family so dearly and would do anything for them.

So when a letter arrived from Wilbur that informed them that a few days ago a friend betrayed him which led to him losing his first life of three as well for Tommy, Tubbo and their nephew Fundy it felt like their heart got ripped out of their chest.

Y/N was still living at their old childhood home with Philza but both were only rarely at home. The two traveled around the world independently from each other using the old cottage as a place to rest in between. Wilbur probably addressed the letter knowing that this was the most reliable way to contact his family.

Reaching Technoblade who was training out of country was almost impossible at this point in time.

Y/N got out a piece of paper and wrote a letter for their father.

“Dad, I’m going to visit Wil and Tommy. Love, Y/N”

This was all that needed to be said.

They put the letter including the letter from Wilbur visibly on the table so Philza would see it as soon as he got back home. They did this sometimes in order to talk to Philza as well as the other way around so both were always looking out for messages on the table once they got back home.

Y/N grabbed their old netherite sword they got way back from Techno as a gift and begun thinking about what to take with them for the flight towards L’Manberg. If they fly it would only take a few days to reach the place but they also couldn’t carry a lot of things with them.

“Hell of a reason to visit your family after a long time, huh.”

Ive seen people say Matt didnt like THORS and i believe but i cant find a source for it but the fact Matt didnt like the episode, is enough for me to hate it since he and Alex were/are so invested in their characters story. It should be a red flag for people who still believe 12 is "rivers doctor"

I couldn't find the quote but yeah, Matt Smith (even when half of it was probably teasing between him and Alex, I bet that the hatedom used the quote to call him sexist 🙄) really didn't like the idea of River Song coming back for another Doctor's era. As far as I remember, Alex's daughter had called him and told him she was gonna go back to the show, so he called Alex and then called Moffat and tell him to not do it, which I understand. River Song was the main love interest of his era and primarily associated with his Doctor, why shoehornimg her in Capaldi's era? (And maybe, like us, he also felt that it did a mess in the continuity of his character).

And honestly, he was right, looking for the quote, I found like twenty fucking articles related to that shit episode that dedicate just to shit on his Doctor and praise Capaldi's, even saying that he and Alex 'never actually have chemistry' because of the age difference and I was like... Excuse me? And how their relationship was combative, because you know, 2015 was the year that relationships between men and women started to be catalogued as 'if he frowns at her is abuse'. 🙄

Sadly, Matt is the only one who didn't like that shit episode. All the people praise it as if it's the fucking Bible and what is worse, they use it to characterized his Doctor as if he doesn't have three series on his own. Alex Kingston was beaming with that episode for the same reason the fandom does: cause River got her forced happy ending, yadda yadda. Even when her accounts of the episode are so weird sometimes that I wonder if ever watched the finished product - though she said it was hard for her - because many of the scenes she mentions are not in the final cut: when she was reacting to her own scenes she they passed the wedding and the scene with Capaldi and said 'I'm not gonna tell you who is the best kisser' and I was like: Hmm, what? You and Peter didn't kiss in that episode, did they cut that?

Then there is another account of her saying how Peter was crying in the scene but in the final cut you can barely see his eyes are glassy, more less crying. First time I watched that thing, I had to pause it because I couldn't see anything when River started to ask if he was crying... So I guess that shot was cut.

The fandom cares about Matt's opinion as much as they care for the integrity of his character lost for that piece of fanservise... AKA nothing, as long as they have said piece of fanservise that has River screaming a cringe speech on the top of her lungs in a poor echo of her beautiful speech in The Wedding, it will always be hailed on higher regard that the entire of her tenure with Eleven. It doesn't matter that it doesn't make sense for him to not take her to Darillium because he thought he was going to die in Trenzalore. It doesn't matter that apparently woke up people to the fact that they suddenly hated the Eleventh Doctor. Nope, doesn't matter, only the fanservise with the badly lit scenes and the cringe speeches and the tone dissonance matters.

I have been a fan of Moffat for years, since before I got to Doctor Who, I defended him in the hell that was the Sherlock fandom. But this episode is the only thing in his era that truly got on my nerves. Not only because it's an unnecessary OOC mess that should have been written for the Eleventh Doctor era, instead of being shoehorned in another Doctor's timeline who had just come out from another epic, big scale love story that had nothing to do with her, but because he said himself that he did a lot to not alter the Tenth Doctor's last words and Rose's ending in The Day of the Doctor but somehow he didn't offer his own Doctor the same courtesy. Only some throw away line of 'well, you kept cancelling it.'

But don't go saying around that you don't like it close to River fans, nonny, they might crucify you if you don't hold it high like the Bible of Mels, I mean, River Song's character.

On Encanto

Hi I have a lot of thoughts after watching this movie which I don’t usually sooooo, buckle up

I feel like this a movie that not everyone will get on a personal level, although I feel like it’s so stunning sensory wise and the story is so heart warming; anyone can enjoy it. Not gatekeeping, I promise. I only know how it felt for me though, and I cried and laughed in the same five seconds which I think sums up the whole experience pretty well. Anyway, key things:

-I need to get the not so great stuff out of the way: the dialogue at times is mediocre, I wish curlier hair was included in the animation, and sometimes the skin tones were a bit desaturated. I also hated the fact that this movie had nothing along the lines as the same amount of advertising as Black Widow.

Now, onto the good stuff!,

1. The music is a mix of styles and it’s so flavorful, even if it leans into pop a lot. They are integrated pretty seemlessly into the movie and you can tell it’s written by a team (there are definite Lin Manuel Miranda influences but a team non the less) who know what they are doing with the music. It’s there in the rhythm changes within songs and style changes between songs.

2. Ironically, for Disney, the diversity in this movie is pretty cool. This is the first portrayal of a community with indigenous roots I have ever seen and that alone almost sent me into tears. It’s the first time I have ever felt culturally connected to an animated movie about Latin people due to my own heritage. As well as the different accents! Everyone has their own sound in both languages. There is a gradual lessening of the heavy Spanish accent in English from the Abuela to Antonio and different mixes in between. The Spanish itself is not Castilian Spanish, this is most clearly heard in the double L pronunciation as “shh” and not “y”, where the usual default is Castilian Spanish (thanks colonialism). Due to the variety in characters (although the love interests a tad bit of a type) there isn’t a stark beauty standard. There is an overall range in body types and we got our first buff lady Luisa (thank you animators)! Plus, the showing of what I assume were conquistadors driving the family out, it isn’t the focus of the plot but it’s grounding to the story in bad shizz that actually happened. 

Different types of diversity: okay so I know that it wasn’t a lot and it’s not really brought attention to. However, I personally liked the touch of the bisexual flag on Maribel’s dress because of that. No one’s shouting “Maribel, Disney’s new bisexual queen!!”but it’s there. This isn’t a movie about romantic love for Maribel so technically it has not place being canonical in the story but it’s there anyway. Yeah, it’s easy to ignore and cover up but it’s also a fully fledged character who happens to be bisexual, a casual bisexual, if you will. Yes, the main love interests plots are straight, and a simple flag isn’t pushing boundaries. It also reminded me of the pride pin on Katie’s red sweater in the Mitchell’s vs. the Machines. Moving onto the huge gender from Camilo, I mean an androgynous shape shifter??? Need I say more? Finally, and this is a personal head canon of mine; Bruno has OCD. We see him have special knocking rituals and salt rituals, plus the ritual with the set up to make his powers work, and he’s mentioned to be nervous and shown to be worrisome, which could be anxiety.

3. I liked the different characters internal struggles, and how they were aimed at an older audience. For one thing, Maribel’s age is already older on the Disney protagonist spectrum. For another, the dysfunctional family dynamic. Character related struggles like the fact that Luisa feels like she is carrying everyone and keeping stuff stable, Isabela who has to be perfect and proper and marry ‘the guy’, Pepa not being able to process her emotions instead of just stuffing them down, Maribel and Bruno being passed off as good for nothings, and Alma who manifests her internal struggles outwardly onto her family while also not communicating with them. This all with the family’s way of covering anything bad up from each other and from the public, so they seem perfect to an outside perspective.

4. This movie is actually, genuinely, funny. I’m not explaining my humor but if you are lucky or cursed enough to have it, you will be laughing. It’s also using the enhancement of animation for the jokes to work, maybe that’s just a Disney thing and i haven’t seen enough of their movies in a while. 

That pretty much sums up all of my love for this movie. I want to hug it. If there’s only takeaway from this, it’s that it’s a huggable movie with an actual soul. Also, the pre-movie short was precious.

Mairimashita! Irumakun s2 ep11

Alright... this is late again lol. There’s more than 15 images gonna be on here, I think. Like 2 or 3 more which usually causes errors if I try uploading that much but the twewy finale post miraculously handled more than 20 so maybe it’ll be fine.

This episode has 2 parts!

The exams are finally over and everyone is worried about their grades. Kalego-sensei very disappointedly tells them that... they all passed! He was hoping they won’t lol.

Some of the students ranked up because of their exam results and Iruma got praised for being the one to have improved a lot. While everyone is celebrating, Azz tells Iruma this all happened thanks to him. Iruma is confused as to how and Asmodeus tells him that the others saw how hard Iruma was working on studying that they got inspired to work hard to. Iruma is amazed by this information.

(While I do appreciate Azz being a one-man cheer squad for Iruma, I do hope he doesn’t inflate the guy’s ego too much cause it feels like it’s actually slowly happening and it scares me cause in other stories, such a thing would be a red flag signaling something bad happening. That’s just me though.)

Iruma runs off to look for Baram-sensei so he could tell him about the exam results and the stuff Azz said. He bumps into the guy on the way and sees that Sensei is now sporting a new haircut. (I think he looks better this way. More teacher-looking.)

Sensei is happy to know Iruma’s hard work paid off and spins the boy around happily. Iruma thanks him for all his help but Sensei said Iruma did his best and it’s why the results were good.

He gives Iruma a congratulatory present which made Iruma panic a little as he recognized the plant as a salamander flower. This made Sensei happy as this meant Iruma’s studies were successful and that the boy could recognize these stuff now. All of these knowledge would help Iruma survive living in the Demon World which is what Sensei wanted. He then mentions the flower he’s holding is made safe.

They talk a bit and Iruma tells him about Azz’s observation. Sensei then tells Iruma about why he changed his hairstyle. He says it’s to make himself look less scary so he could try and get along with other people. Iruma asked if it was because of him that he wanted to change (like Azz said earlier about how he affects people) and Sensei answered that it’s not exactly the case. It was thanks to Iruma that he wanted to change because Iruma’s words had a good impact on him especially cause he knew Iruma was sincere and not lying.

On the way back, Baram-sensei passed by Kalego-sensei who immediately notices the hairstyle change. Kalego-sensei laughs a bit and says he’s glad that Baram-sensei’s new hairstyle made him look more regal as it fits their ranking. It is now revealed that only the two of them in the school have the khet rank which is the 8th highest.

It’s also revealed what Baram-sensei’s ability is: Buzzer. He can tell when people are lying and could detect when someone is cheating which is why it’s impossible for students to cheat on the exams. He has the entire school covered, too and will immediately have any cheater caught.

Iruma and friends had their mini celebration for passing the tests by the way! Iruma asked where their Senpai is and Asmodeus informs him that the guy got caught cheating and is now taking remedials.

On the 2nd part of the episode, Ameri is waiting for Iruma so she could hold a mini celebration of her own as Iruma passed the tests but Clara shows up instead to tell her the bad news: Iruma had been dragged by the others to their own happy get-together at a karaoke... er, screaming room.

We then see the boys having fun and one is singing season 1′s OP!

Ameri reads Iruma’s text apologizing about not being able to come. She’s disappointed but she understands although she’s confused as to why Clara had to show up to tell her about it when Iruma could just text her like he had actually done. Clara then drags her, alongside the tea and snacks she prepared for Iruma, and brought her to the other girls.

Awkward.

They decide to do an introduction to start things off. Elizabetta also decided to finally talk to the popular Student Council President and ask a question she had been wondering: what shampoo does Ameri use? This started their little convo about shampoo and conditioner.

After Kerori tells what she uses, she remembers the commercial she did for said products (lol she’s sponsored) and is embarrassed. Ameri sees this and is confused as to why Kerori looks like she’s panicking.

Clara reveals that hers is soap. She uses just soap on her hair and body and everyone is surprised and kinda horrified by this information. They offer to give her some extra shampoo they have so she could try them out next time.

Meanwhile, back to the boys! It’s Iruma’s turn to sing and he can’t just say no. He worries as he doesn’t know any song... except one.

He then chose to sing the Kuromu song he sang with the idol last season - complete with dance! Everyone cheered on and sang along as well! No one suspected anything and just thought that Iruma is probably just a big Kuromu fan.

Back to the girls... it's time for the inevitable: talks about romance!

Elizabetta asks who they all like and Clara didn't miss a beat and answers "Iruma-chi". Ameri is shocked and also worried since she now realizes she has a rival who is closer to Iruma than she is (and one who is more feminine than her to boot!).

When it’s Kerori’s turn to answer, she suddenly remembered Iruma in his evil cycle (being the cool edgy boy that he is). Ameri is internally pissed and is wondering how many other girls might be into Iruma.

She is then reminded of a scene from the manga Iruma reads to her and realizes she can now relate to the female rival lol.

Hang in there, President! You’re better than this haha.

Everyone then continues with the love talk and assumes Ameri probably has some romantic experience with her being popular and all and asked for advice. Ameri, not actually having any and not exactly knowing what to say just answered the only things she know: stuff she’s read from a shoujo manga.

Kerori on the other hand is confused. Is it that hard to get a guy’s attention? In her experience as an idol, even just smiling at a guy would get them to like you. after all.

Clara later mentions how she likes Iruma... and everyone. Ameri then had to ask for clarification and explains the “like” they've all been talking about all this time is romantic in nature. To explain, it’s like wanting to marry Iruma.

Clara’s imagination quickly went to work and she thinks of her wedding with Iruma. Here’s a cute picture of Clara realizing her feelings lol.

Kerori and Elizabetta starts arguing about the whole marriage thing. Kerori thinks they’re too young to even think of marriage (yeah, like, aren’t they all 14-15?) and Elizabetta thinks that it doesn’t matter cause love is love. Ameri gives her own perspective and says proposal and being engaged first would be good (and she thinks of Iruma). In the middle of their argument, they wonder why they all suddenly got aggressive about this. It is revealed (to the audience only) that it’s the effect of the relaxing tea. They’ve become too relaxed that they were able to say what’s on their minds easily.

They finally calmed down later that afternoon and realized they actually had fun and got along. Ameri then tells them that if she’s not on student council duty, they may call her by her name which made the others happy. The girls exchanged phone numbers afterwards.

--

This episode is pretty peaceful. I like all the little things that happened and the conversations that let us learn a bit about many characters. The boys having fun at the karaoke was nice to watch and the girls becoming friends is so cute!

So, I usually don’t really mention the “Interval” chibi segments of the show but the one for today’s episode gave a bit of behind the scene at something. Eiko, the girl who has a crush on Iruma (and Ameri) wanted to help Iruma study so she did what she could: she herself studied and made easy to understand reviewers. She had Asmodeus pass them onto Iruma (in a past interval segment, the two became friends due to their shared love of Iruma).

Come exam results, Eiko got really high marks from all the studying she did for Iruma’s sake. :)

Nothing too intense happened this time around so this is pretty short. If I had known I wouldn’t get errors, I would’ve gotten a few more screenshots. I wonder what the next arc is gonna be like though?

Well, thanks for reading!

The Guys Who Didn’t Like (Modern Day) Musicals

3.3k words | AO3 Link | warnings: swearing, blink-and-you’ll-miss-it Remus angst, Remus-typical language and themes

Janus knows that one day his soulmate and himself will be happy, and their love story would be a great and wonderful one... And yet if he has to hear "Freeze Your Brain" playing one more time, his soulmate may not live to see their wedding night.

(Or when your soulmate listens to music or is singing, you hear it in your own head as well.)

***

Janus was on his very last nerve. Sure, wanting to strangle your soulmate was a bit morally frowned upon, however when the song of his nightmares plays for the 4th time that day, he believes anyone would agree that those lines blur to the morally ambiguous side of things. 

Attempting to hold his composure, he waited until they were out of the lecture hall and in Virgil’s car to punch the dashboard with all his might, throwing his beanie off into the backseat, collapsing into his knees, wanting to scream. 

“Jesus Christ, Jay, what the fuck was that?” Virgil stared at his friend with wide eyes, wanting to place his hand down on Janus’ back, comfortingly, but decided against it once he analyzed the outburst, instead keeping his eyes on the road as he pulled out of the parking lot toward their shared dorm.

Janus didn’t respond, just gripped his ears as if that would make the music stop or deafen it. It didn’t, of course, seeing as it was literally in his head. 

“Just play something,” 

“J-” 

“Do it Virgil!” Janus snapped, and Virgil hit the volume button on his car, loud music from a pop punk band he did not recognize played loudly through the car speakers. The noise deafened in his head, and Janus leaned back in his seat sighing, he turned his head towards the driver, “Thank you, Virgil,” He turned his attention towards the road, sighing, before looking up at the ceiling, smirking, “Yeah, you like that, fucker? You make me listen to your shitty pop songs, now you got trash emo in your head,” 

Virgil scoffed, “Trash emo? I promise you Yellowcard is good, they have a violin, I am sure you like that with your jazz weirdness,” 

Rubbing his knuckles, Janus rolled his eyes, “Oh yes, I am sure it is used practically and it is not just a gimmick,” Virgil fell silent and Janus smirked, knowing he had won, “Apologies for my earlier, er, outburst. It is just simply so frustrating that this stupid song has been playing so much for so long,” 

“The smoothie one?” 

“Pretty sure 7-Eleven doesn’t sell smoothies, I think it is a slushie.” Janus stared out the window as Virgil’s playlist rolled to a different song, the lyrics still biting his brain with a dull ache, “Lyrics are so meaningless.” He muttered, “Freeze your brain, suck on that straw, get lost in the pain,” Janus mocked the singer bitterly, a short laugh following, “What kind of lyrics even are though. So shallow and meaningless…” 

“Wait, Freeze Your Brain, that’s from Heathers!” 

Both Virgil and Janus let out a scream that was a much higher pitch than either of them would care to admit. The car swerved over into the next lane, but Virgil corrected it once he regained his composure. 

“By the way, here is your hat back, Jannie,” Remus smiled with his pearly whites on display, acting as though he was doing the pair a service and didn’t almost kill all 3 of them by startling the driver with his unknown presence. 

“Remus! What the fuck- where did you come from,” Virgil yelled, gripping the steering wheel, knuckles white and face red with anger. 

“Well I had abnormal psych earlier in the East-” 

“It’s a figure of speech, dumbass!” Janus said sternly. 

Remus nodded, smiling, “Well, I am in your backseat of course. I got done with my classes about 15 minutes before you and didn’t feel like waiting for a bus in the cold and then walking and then my roommate getting mad at me about the snow on the floor and then us having a fight and then I have to sleep on the sidewalk again which is actually more comfortable than my acu-” 

“How did you even get in here?” Virgil growled, still obviously not over the shock of someone being in his backseat unexpectedly. 

“Door was unlocked,” 

“Sure as fuck wasn’t!” Virgil shook his head, laughing in a way that was scary to watch. The kind of laugh that a serial killer does right before ending the life of their prey. 

“Virgil, shush, Remus what were you sa-” 

Virgil scoffed, “No, Janus you shut up before I shut you up. Remus,” Virgil turned around to face his friend, anger in his eyes, and this was the first time Remus’ expression had faltered, “You don’t get to break into my car, you do not get to break into my dorm, and you don’t get to break into the breakroom at my job, or so help me God I will rearrange all of the uses of your orifices, ‘kay?” 

Remus sighed, resting his hand in his chin, “Are you sure we’re not soulmates?” His voice steeped in adoration.

Virgil opened his mouth to respond, bit his lip and shook his head, opting not to answer. Exasperated, but a little more calm. 

Janus waited a few more moments, making sure the coast was clear from any further outbursts before turning to Remus, “Anyway… My soulmate is listening to what?” 

“Oh,” Remus clapped his hands together, “Freeze Your Brain from Heathers the Musical.” 

Janus rolled his eyes, looking at Virgil, “Oh, wonderful, my soulmate like modern day musicals, just what I needed,” 

“You listen to Hamilton,” Virgil grunted.

“Hamilton is the most popular musical in the world, most likely what revived the entire modern day musical scene, it would be more shocking if Janny hadn’t listened to it,” Remus pointed out, helpfully, resting his chin on the back of Janus’ seat. 

Virgil frowned, lazily flipping his turn signal,  “Why do you know so much about theater, Reme, that isn’t exactly your scene,” 

“Yea, isn’t your favorite band-” 

“Ninja Sex Party,” Virgil finished. 

This caught Remus’ attention, he perked up in his seat and clapped his hands together, wiggling with excitement in the back seat, “Ooh yes! Danny Sexbang is fucking delicious. He makes me want to strangle an ox with my bare hands!” Remus made a gripping motion before quickly putting a finger up to his ear and closed his eyes, “Nobody showed but I'm gonna have some fun, let's get this party started it's an orgy for one, it’s me and my h-”

“Remus!” Janus cut off Remus’ singing with a clap, “I need you to focus. Whilst we all love your singing,” He side-eyed Virgil with this comment, who looked at him but said nothing, “I would like to know about your aptitude for theater knowledge,” 

“Because of the soulmate thing, right you don’t actually care about why I know so much?” Remus said, uncharacteristically seriously. 

Both Virgil and Janus felt the guilt and discomfort settle over the car. Janus laughed awkwardly to save face, “O-of course not, Remus, we like to know your thoughts and interests and-” 

Remus started cackling, “I know Janny, I’m just messing with you. If you guys didn’t like me, Black Parade over there wouldn’t have let me talk to him for 3 hours about John Wayne Gacey on Sunday,” Janus quirked an eyebrow up at Virgil who had a slight blush on his cheeks, keeping himself very focused on the road, “Anyway, my twin’s nuts for musical theater, it is all he would talk about growing up, and now he is in a production of Heathers and he will not shut up about it,” 

“Not shutting up must run in the family,” Virgil muttered, shaking his head. 

A devious smirk was plastered on Remus’ lips. “I am sure you can think of a couple ways to get me to shut up, princess,” 

Virgil gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white, and Janus didn’t even want to know what was running through his friend’s head, “So, this play-” 

“Musical,” 

“Whatever. My soulmate is listening to it?” Janus frowned. He was concerned, but a little relieved. There have been countless stories of people having to learn a different language because the native tongue doesn’t match what music is in their soulmate’s head. Happened enough that he gets shitty Facebook adverts for language classes, specifically for soulmate related reasons. 

“Seems that way. Actually, our uni’s theater is putting it on, that’s where my brother is performing it. Do you think maybe…” Remus trailed off, quirking up an eyebrow. 

Janus frowned, thinking, “It is possible, yes. Do you think your brother would mind if we sat in on his rehearsals?”

Remus smiled, “Not at all, he loves the attention, I am sure if we go now we’ll be able to catch the end,” 

Virgil groaned, parking the car at their dorm, “So, you’re telling me we just got back to our dorm and now you want me to leave and drive all the way back?” 

“Better punch it Emo Alfred, love is on the line!” Remus ruffled the back of Virgil’s hair who smacked him away, pulling out of the parking lot and driving back towards campus. 

Virgil and Remus began bickering with one another like children , but Janus was not paying much attention to them, he was trapped in his own thoughts. His calm demeanor as he stared out the window of the passenger sat did not match the nervous energy coursing through his body. The music played loudly through Virgil’s car speakers but there was still a dull rhythm in his head where his soulmate's music was still playing. 

 Maybe Janus’ soulmate would hate him. He was not exactly a fan of musicals (plays being more his speed, though he has never been one to be confined to the stage to have a flair for the dramatics), which is a red flag, seeing as that is mainly what his soulmate listens to. What if they are destined to hate one other? What if throughout the great expanses of time and space, the strings of fate connected their two selves just because it would be on sight any time they make eye contact (the homoeroticism of that is not lost on Janus, though he would be an even bigger liar if made himself believe that he did not want a romantic relationship). 

“Jan, we are here,” Virgil put a tentative hand on Janus’ shoulder after he turned the car off. Someone less timid than himself may have jumped, but he was better trained than that, so he simply looked at Virgil, nodding, before exiting the car. 

Shoving his beanie on over his ears and shoving his hands in his coat pocket, he walked with purpose towards the theater, head down and feet hitting hard against the ground, lightly dusted with snow. 

“Remus why- fuck- why do you never talk about your brother?” Virgil pulled his hoodie closer around his middle, the light material not made for weather in the negatives. 

Remus wordlessly pulled off his coat, throwing it over Virgil shoulders, “Same reason you don’t hear me constantly talking about Kanye West: insufferable egomaniacs do not really need any more attention,” He spat out like venom. “Besides, don’t want you to abandon me once you meet Roman because he is just perfect,” He laughed like normal but no one could ignore the intent behind his words. Virgil and Janus side eye’d one other, never hearing Remus speak so seriously. 

Janus swallowed thickly, “Y’know, Remus, we do not even know if Roman is my soulmate. We do not have to go meet him, it is honestly not that important to me,” 

Skipping up the steps, Remus grabbed the doors to the theater, holding it open to his two friends. He snorted at Janus' comment, pulling off his hat and messing up his hair, “Liar,” Essentially ending the debate in a very short, very Remus way. 

The entrance to the auditorium was modest and did not have many decorations. The area is mainly filled with old posters advertising previous shows, as well as accolades for the directors and actors, the newer ones stating a couple familiar names. Virgil and Janus looked at the posters for a little bit before they were summoned by the twin. 

He followed the two towards a side door that opened up backstage. It was dark, but Janus could just make out Virgil pushing his sleeves over his hands, biting his thumbnail. Janus shrugged off his coat, setting it down on a nearby table and fiddled with his winter gloves, beginning to get an uneasy feeling as well. 

“Not to be that guy,” Virgil said in a low voice, grabbing onto Janus’ bicep, “But do you seem to get the feeling we are not supposed to be here?” 

Janus hummed, “I think we are incredibly welcome. Why else would we have to sneak through the back and creep around in the dark?” 

“Remus, why ex- Wait, where is Remus,” Virgil asked in a hushed whisper. 

“Brother!!” Was yelled, followed by a crashing sound. Janus and Virgil looked at each other before rushing towards the noise, finding themselves on a set that looked like a convenience store. Janus saw a girl with short black hair standing near them, looking at the pair confused and Remus on the ground on top of another body. 

“Remus!” The figure pushed Remus off of him before scrambling to stand up. Janus' heart stopped. 

“Oh,” He thought to himself, before praying to any Gods above that might exist, “Please don’t make Remus get us kicked out,” 

The man who Janus cleverly deduced was Roman brushed off his black pants (now covered with sawdust) and ran a hand through his hair, which matched Remus black curls but seemed to be actually styled. Roman held out a hand to Remus who took it, but instead of standing up, pulled Roman back down onto the ground with him. 

Someone towards the front of the stage cleared their throat and sighed, “Salutations once again, Remus. Why do we… Let’s take a 10,” The man sighed, adjusting his glasses before making a sharp exit leaving just the 4 of them on stage. 

“By the grace of Poseidon above, Remus, what exactly did I say about coming to my rehearsals unannounced,” 

Remus tapped his chin, playing with the stubble, thinking, “That I can come anytime and do whatever I want?” 

“No. To not to. Very simple. Just don’t,” Roman sighed standing up, tentatively offering his hand out to Remus again, with a pained expression. Remus’ expression softened as he took Roman’s hand, standing up slightly…. Before falling onto his backside again, taking Roman with him again.

Roman groaned as Remus cackled wildly, “Jeez, are you sure you are the one who got a scholarship, or did they confuse us again?” 

Running a hand through his hair, Roman stood up before backing away like a frightened animal, “It was a theater scholarship, thank you, not a scholarship to avoid being tricked by my tormented, tirisome twin. How did you even get in here... again?” 

“Door was unlocked,” 

“Sure as fuck wasn’t!” Roman ran a hand through his hair, looking down at his brother and finally making eye contact with Janus and Remus across the stage. His cheeks subtlety colored before smiling, walking towards the pair. 

“Oh, I was not aware that Remus had brought an audience this time. I am Roman Prince. I would apologize for his behavior but seeing as your expressions are as externally exasperated as mine, I assume you are used to his… Shenanigans,” Roman’s tone seemed tired but his expression still seemed quite fond.

“Used to it a kind way of putting it,” Virgil grumbled, as Remus ran over, throwing an arm around his shoulder, which made Virgil wear that same fond expression. 

Remus smiled, “This cutie is Virgil, hands off, but this intimidating looking dude right here is Janus. He likes debating, philosophy, vintage style music, and he hates society and styling his hair,” 

Janus bowed his head, instinctively adjusting his beanie, “Thank you Remus for that kind introduction, I am sure Roman wanted that,” 

Roman laughed, “I don’t mind. I hate society and also listen to my fair share of vintage music,” 

“Oh, yea?” 

“Yea, well,” Roman rolled his eyes fondly, “Not exactly by choice. My soulmate listens to that style of music and holy Hephaestus' hammer there is a lot of swing. I mean it is good, but I almost feel bad because ballads before Britney Spears I am not particularly interested it,” 

“My soulmate will not stop playing music from the dreaded musical Heathers, I swear if I have to hear it again I am going to find my soulmate and strangle him,” 

Roman’s expression went from intrigued to devious, the expression makes the difference between Remus and Roman almost indistinguishable, “Oh really?” He smirked, “Did it go something like…” Roman backed up a little bit, standing in the middle of the stage but facing Janus stage left, “ I've been through ten high schools, they start to get blurry, no point planting roots 'cause you're gone in a hurry. My dad keeps two suitcases packed in the den, so it's only a matter of when…” 

Janus' eyes widened to the size of saucers, as he completely forgot the reason they came to the theater was because the theater department was putting on a production of that “dreaded musical” Janus was entranced either way, the mesmerizing voice that has played in his head all his life was standing right in front of him. He looked behind him to gauge Remus and Virgil’s reaction, but the pair must have left the stage without him noticing. 

Roman walked around the stage, still singing, following some choreography he is sure, but another part of him says it cannot be, because it looks so natural, like Roman is the singer, like this was real life and the world is his musical.

The band didn’t need to play, because Janus remembered every beat and every flourish from the countless times it has played in his head. And yet, he is not annoyed this time. It would be impossible to be, when Roman on stage is the most glorious and breathtaking thing. Like a shooting star or fireworks or a tasteful nude- you just cannot look away, even if you wanted to. 

“Just freeze your brain, freeze your brain, go on and freeze your brain…” Roman stopped right in front of him, “Try it,” He spoke, lightly stroking Janus’ cheek with the back of his hand, and God did he want to kiss Roman right there. To taste the faux cherry slush that he imagined was on his lips and tongue… But he didn’t, because he could barely move under Roman’s touch. 

“I-” Janus opened his mouth to speak after a while, “That was- uh- that was alright,” Janus stuttered, fiddling with the ends of his glove. Roman threw his head back, laughing, “I am not one to typically enjoy the, er, modern day musical but you seemed to carry that incredibly well,” 

Roman shrugged, “I was born for this,” He retracted his hand and did a purrete, a soft smile present on his lips. 

“Would you want to go to the cafe with Remus, Virgil, and I? I would understand if you say no, Remus has been kicked out of that cafe too many times to count on one- no- to count on six hands,” 

Roman ran a hand through his hair, “Yes, that seems incredibly on brand for my brother. That pugnacious peasant has no idea how to control his inhibitions,” 

Janus squinted his eyes, smirking slightly, “Do you ever stop with the word play?” 

Roman smiled, real and genuine this time, “No. I suppose that would be something you have to get used to, huh?”

Taking Roman’s hand, he laced their fingers together, “Stop playing show tunes 24/7, and I think I will be able to manage,” 

“Play a song from the 21st century once and while and I think we have a deal,” 

Janus crossed his fingers behind his back, a devious smirk on his lips, “Oh, of course, my Prince,” 

Project Legacy

Summary: After the events of Civil War, Tony Stark is left all alone and decides that he will do whatever it takes to ensure a legacy.

Warnings: Dark!Tony, breeding kink, dub con, hints of stalking.

AN: I know I said I would be on hiatus and I am but this was 90% completed and even though I had to write some on my phone it turned out okay. That being said I’m sorry if there’s any weird formatting issues but I won’t be able to fix them for some time. Also, this was written for the lovely and incredible and just all round amazing @searchforanotherway dark fic challenge, my prompt will be in bold. 🥰

My Masterlist

You had grown to hate your email account, your phone too, asking yourself why it was always empty, never filled with any new messages.

It had been like this for months, ever since you had finished your PhD and was actually looking for work. You had sent out countless resumes, trying to find somewhere that was in need of a lab assistant, preferably specialising in human genetics but at this point you weren’t picky any more. You just wanted something, anything other than the way you were forced to sell your body - and your remaining dignity - every other night.

You longed for the days you had joked with college classmates about how you planned to drop out and become a stripper rather than sit the bio-chemistry final. Oh how innocent you were, how naive, thinking that you would be able to find a job straight out of your postgrad.

You had been left with nothing but a load of student debt and no way to pay it all off when you had stumbled across the Golden Circle one night. The alcohol which had been your only company along with the numerous rejection letters, had urged you forward, into the dark interior, seeking out the manager.

That had been nearly three months ago and while the stripping had got easier the more time that passed, dealing with the constant stream of rejection letters hadn’t. Every time a new one came, a part of you died a little more. While stripping had been enough to satisfy your financial needs, it did nothing for your mental needs. You had graduated nearly top of your class and here you were, practically watching your brain cells die every time you undressed, revealing the scrap of silver that your manager called an outfit.

Tonight was no different than how any other night had started out. You stood in the changing room, glancing around at the other girls in various states of undress as the readied for their shifts. The one who was known as Kitty by the patrons sat next to you, telling some story about a date she had been on the night before.

‘I just don’t understand it. He had seemed perfectly sweet until he found out I was a stripper, then he got all mad, said I had lied to him! But I hadn’t, I never said what I did for a living and even if I had who’s he to judge, you know? It’s not like when I was little I wanted to grow up and be a stripper, but you know, shit happens sometimes and life doesn’t always go to plan.’ She sounded close to tears and you knew that if you wanted tonight to be as painless as possible you had to say something fast.

‘I mean it seems to me that he was a loser Kit, anyone who reacts that way when finding out that your trying to make an honest living doesn’t deserve your time. And to be so two-faced about the whole thing, sounds like a real red flag, acting all sweet only to be a jerk.’ You lay a comforting hand on her shoulder as you tried to cheer her up. Thankfully it worked, a small smile playing across her lips.

‘I know you’re right, deep down I do. It just hurts you know? Because it’s not just him, it’s pretty much every guy I’ve ever tried to date. When they find out I’m a stripper they get all possessive, they act like I’m fucking other guys behind they’re backs and I know it’s partially my own fault I just… I guess I just never thought it would impact me this badly you know?’ You nodded even though you couldn’t relate. Between working nearly every night and trying to keep your brain active during the days by reading recent papers on hereditary genetics, you hadn’t had very much time for friends, never mind dating.

The sound of the door crashing against the wall pulled you out of your reverie, as you glanced over at your manager, his eyes eating up the scantily clad bodies of your fellow dancers. ‘Okay girls, we’ve got some VIPs in tonight so Bubbles you’re going to be on serving now, don’t give me that look. Kitty, you’re taking Jewel’s set and Jewel you’re going to be working in the Lounge.’

‘The Lounge?’ You’d never worked there before, it generally went to the older girls, the ones who had been here for longer, who had built up a clientele, who were more used to grabby customers with cash to spare.

‘Yeah. He requested you.’ He barely spared you a glance as he left the room, heading back down the hall to his office, his words resonating around in your head as you stared at the place in the wall where his head had just been.

A request.

A feeling that somewhat resembled pride flowed through you as Kitty turned excitedly. You must’ve been doing something right all these months to get a request, in the VIP lounge no less. ‘Your first request! This is so exciting. You’re such a natural, it’s going to be so good. I hear on average girls make nearly $500 a night in tips alone in the Lounge. I wish I could work there.’ She stared off in a daze as if imagining herself walking among the plush red leather couches, dancing on the small private stage.

You tried to smile at her; tried to ignore the nerves that were crawling their way through your stomach as she left the locker room, a smile and good luck thrown over her shoulder, leaving you alone.

+

Your heart raced, eyes focussed on the rich mahogany, tracing the grain of the wood as you slowly raised your hand to the brass doorknob, shivering as you paused. The metal was cool beneath your fingertips, your grip was solid, twisting the handle until you could hear the lock click. The door was slightly heavier than usual to help soundproof the room and you nearly jumped as it swung closed behind you, trapping you in with the dark, lone figure on the smooth leather couch.

The crystal glass in his hand reflected the small amount of light that fell on him as he sat in the shadows, swirling the amber liquid around with a swivel of his wrist. ‘Well? Aren’t you meant to dance for me?’ His voice was a sarcastic drawl that snapped you into action. Your heels wobbled slightly as you made your way to the sound machine, cueing a song before heading up into the small podium.

‘I’m Jewel. What’s your name handsome?’ You hated the way your voice shook with nerves as your hips swayed, your hands running up and down your body as you slowly warmed up.

‘My name doesn’t matter but you can call me Daddy, baby girl.’ You’d heard of things like this happening in the private rooms so his words themselves didn’t really bother you but there was something about the way he said it. He was very commanding and even though you couldn’t make out much of him in the dark, you knew he would be a force to be reckoned with, a man used to getting exactly what he wants.

‘Okay Daddy, how’s your night going so far?’ You weren’t sure about the protocol of having conversations while stripping for a man but some seemed to like it and judging by the small chuckle that fell from his lips he did too.

‘It’s pretty good so far Baby girl, I have you all to myself. You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this.’

‘Oh?’ You heard the clink of his glass being placed down onto the small coffee table beside him as his hands ran down his legs.

‘Oh yeah Baby girl. I’ve wanted you ever since I first saw you months ago. The photo in your resume really doesn’t do you justice, and when I found out you worked here I just had to come see you in person. I couldn’t stop staring at you as you danced. I knew I had to have you. But I had to wait. I had to make sure you were a match, a perfect match for me.’

Your hips stuttered in their movements, your nerves mounting as his words washed over you. ‘My resume?’ Your voice was quiet against the smooth backdrop of your song, a whisper in the vast room. A perfect match? What did he mean by that? Was he trying to offer you a job?

‘Of course. It landed on my pile months ago, quite impressive really. You were nearly top of your class at MIT, and a PhD specialising in hereditary genetics. You’re just what I was looking for. Now come over here Baby, we need to talk shop.’

You weren’t naive enough to believe that shop was the only thing he wanted to talk about but the reflection of light off of his wrist caught your eye and you instantly recognised the small logo of his watch. A Rolex. Whoever this guy he was loaded and if you had to give him a lap dance or two to get a job for him, your morals were willing to do it if it meant paying off your bundles of student debt.

On teetering legs you crossed the small distance between you two, coming to a stop in front of him as his hands wrapped around your waist pulling you down onto him with surprising force. ‘That’s a good girl, I just know you’ll do nicely.’ At the sound of his voice, your eyes darted up from your lap, meeting his, your mouth dropping slightly open.

What was the Tony Stark doing here with you?

His fingers gently tapped your chin, pressing your lips together again. ‘I see you recognise me, that should make the next bit easier. I’m looking for a specialist in hereditary genetics to help me with a very close and personal project. It should take around nine months for completion if everything goes well and the intense hours will mean you’ll have to quit working here but you’ll be well compensated, completely taken care of. Due to the secrecy of the project I’ll need you to sign your contract and NDA right now if you choose to accept.’

He slipped a hand into his inside jacket pocket, pulling two folded pieces of paper which he handed to you. The first was an NDA, a brief scan over the details told you it was all up to par. The fact that he was making you sign it wasn’t very concerning, most labs in the city made their employees sign one to keep company secrets and so when he handed you a pen you signed your name away on the dotted line without a second thought.

The second piece of paper gave you pause though. It was a contract. Your contract.

‘You want me to move into Stark Tower?’ Your voice was soft, confused by the sprawl of words across the page.

‘It’s standard protocol for a project like this. Most of my top employees live on site.’ He waved away your concern with an air of nonchalance but you could feel the tell-tale tightening of his hands on your hips, holding you slightly closer to him.

‘And this… Project Legacy, I would be running it? I’m just a little confused in my role in it all, it’s a little vague.’ You looked up from the papers into his eyes, searching for answers but once again he waved you off.

‘Look, if you don’t want the job that’s fine. You can just walk away and go back out there and strip for those men like any common whore and I’ll go find someone else. But I’m giving you a chance to be more, to do more. Working at Stark Labs would look great on your resume but that won’t matter because if you do a good job we might just keep you on. So, are you in or out?’ His eyes seemed to burn through you as you sat on his lap, gripping the paper in one hand, his pen in the other.

Taking a steadying breath, you pressed the paper against his chest and leant against him as you signed your name on the dotted line.

‘Good choice baby girl.’

+

Tony had insisted on you quitting your job right then and there, he had said he wanted to celebrate the birth of Project Legacy and since he would be your new boss, you felt you had no choice but to comply, following him out to his car, still in your outfit as he hadn’t given you time to go back to your locker and change.

‘Don’t worry about your clothes Baby, I said you would be completely taken care of and I meant it.’

His hand had gripped your exposed thigh the entire way to Stark Tower and when you finally arrived, he had ushered you into the elevator and up to his personal floor. Before you knew it a glass of champagne was thrusted into your hands.

‘Drink up baby, I suspect it will be the last time you get a chance for a while.’ He smiled as though he had just made a funny joke but you merely stared at him in confusion, taking a tentative sip of the bubbles in your glass. ‘C’mon, I’ll show you to your room.’ He grabbed hold of your other hand and started tugging you through the lounge room and to a narrow hallway, pausing at a door with frosted glass. ‘Here it is.’

Pushing open the door, confusion flittered over you. It was by far the nicest room you had ever seen, but then again everything in this building was too. There was a small chaise lounge and settee in one corner. a door that lead to what you presumed was the bathroom and the largest wardrobe you could imagine. But what really took your attention was the king sized bed in the middle of the room. Its quilt looked to be a dark red silk and with matching sheets and pillow cases. At least you wouldn’t have to worry about your hair every night.

‘Isn’t it just marvelous? I can’t wait to see all your work for Project Legacy. It’s going to be beautiful.’ Hands snaked around your waist and he slowly walked you back towards the bed.

‘Mr Stark? Tony? What’s going on? What are you doing?’ You knees hit the back of the bed, and you felt him lift you slightly, laying you down on the silken mattress.

‘You’re on what? Day fourteen of your cycle right? It’s perfect timing for us to get started on my legacy.’

‘Wh-what do you mean?’ Terror was flooding through your veins as he slipped the thin straps of your one piece down your shoulders, pulling it from your legs, revealing your body to him.

‘What does it look like I’m doing? I’ve studied your blood, your DNA. You’re a perfect match for me. We’re going to make such beautiful children. I hope the first one’s a girl though, I’ve always wanted one.’ His explanation did little to calm your racing heart as your stared up at him.

He was mad, completely batshit crazy. That was the only way to explain what he was doing as he palmed your breasts, his gaze transfixed on your body beneath his. Your hands pressed against his chest, trying to shove his body away but he merely gathered your wrists in one hand, tugging them up above your head and pinning them there.

‘Shhh, baby. Be a good girl for me. You’ve already signed your contract, your fate is sealed. So just be a good girl and I promise I’ll make it enjoyable for you too.’ He grinned down at you, tweaking your nipple to the point of pain, a shout escaping your lips.

‘But… what about Pepper though? Don’t you want a kid with her?’ You both knew at this point that you were stalling and it was completely useless, but you cling to the sliver of celebrity gossip you could remember. Surely his girlfriend would have an issue with this.

‘What about Pepper? She’s gone, she’s useless to me. You know, she only just told me she was infertile, after almost ten years together. Who does that? And all this time I thought we had just been unlucky, but now I know. She’s just a vindictive bitch. And now with everything that’s happened with the Accords… I’ve lost most of my family, I need a new one; to make one with you. We’re going to be so good together Baby, I can already tell. You and my child growing inside of you is all I want now and I always get what I want.’

You choked back a sob as he slid a hand between your bodies, smirking at the wetness he found between your legs. ‘Oh baby girl, you’re so responsive to me. I told you we were a perfect match.’ He thrusted a finger inside, letting out a groan at the way your velvet walls clenched around him. ‘So fucking tight too I don’t think I’ll last that long; the first time at least.’

His palm rubbed against your foot with every rigorous thrust of his hand bringing you closer despite the way you tried to resist him. ‘That’s it baby girl, I know you’re close.

You felt a cool metal against your clit, juxtaposing the warm slick pooling between your legs. You weren’t sure what it was as he continued to thrust his fingers into you, curling them against your walls, stretching you out for him, yet as soon as it started vibrating, every thought disappeared.

‘Oh, Oh, god Tony.’ Your words came between your panting, you’re hips rising up into his hand involuntarily.

His hot breath was against your ear, a sharp tug of the lobe between his teeth as he whispered ‘Baby girl I thought I told you to call me Daddy.’ Your moans interrupted his words as you felt the familiar coil tightening inside of you, ready to snap. ‘Call me Daddy can I’ll let you cum baby. I know you’re ready to.’

You tried to resist the urge to do as he said with little success and before you could stop them the words tumbled from your mouth. ‘Please Daddy. Please let me cum.’

His lips brushed against yours, his smile evident even in the kiss. ‘Well, who am I to deny a pretty woman? Of course you can Baby.’ And just like that, the floodgates opened, your walls clenching around his fingers, your body thrashing against his as he worked you through the orgasm before finally slowing and letting you catch your breath. ‘Those were just my fingers, imagine what I can do with my cock.’ As if to prove his point you felt him thrust his large bludge against you, the rough denim causing a shiver to run through you as it rubbed against your sensitive clit.

He released your hands from above your head, and you rubbed them as he knelt above you, and he slowly, almost teasingly, undid the small button on his jeans, pulling the small fly down all the way, exposing a small tuft of hair leading down to his cock. You weren’t surprised to see the lack of underwear as even though you had only just met, he seemed like a straight to business type of man. He shoved the denim down his legs and knelt above you once more, one knee on either side, taking a hold of your hand and leading to it him, wrapping it around his length and pumping himself slowly.

He was warm and you found yourself flicking your thumb over his tip every few thrusts, collecting the small beads of precum as they came from him. His head was thrown back his mouth agape. ‘Oh yeah Baby, just like that. Fuck, you make me feel so good.’ Suddenly your hand was back, pinning against the mattress as his other lead himself into you in a harsh single thrust.

You cried out at the stretch of your walls, he was much thicker than his fingers. His hands found your neck, resting at the base of your throat, feeling the rapid thrum of your pulse beneath his fingers. Your own hands were wrapped tightly around his chest, pulling him closer despite your better judgement, the feeling of fullness he gave you too good to resist.

You moaned as he continually brushed that spot inside of you, stroking a deep desire inside of you. Fingertips dug into his back, clawing at the skin as he ignited the fire inside of you. ‘Fuck… Daddy, yes.’ Your voice was a whisper against the obscene sounds of him thrusting in and out of you.

‘Yeah Baby? You wanna cum? Be a good girl and cum for me, cum for Daddy. Cum on my thick cock so I can fill you up.’ You moaned against the skin of his neck, your walls fluttering around him as you came, feeling the spurt of his own release coating your channel. ‘Fuck baby girl… that was so much better than I ever could have imagined, and trust me, I’ve imagined it a lot.’ He was out of breath as he rolled over, laying on his side, still inside of you and hitched your thigh over his own.

‘I can just tell you’re going to do such a good job on this special little project future Mrs Stark.’ In your haze you barely noticed him lift your left hand, sliding a cool band down your ring finger. The diamond glittering in the dim light.

+

My Masterlist