#like we’re all human and it’s so neat to see how we can stop and come together at moments like these
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All of these meteorologists and reporters covering the eclipse and getting overwhelmed by emotion and crying is just really something to see.
#it’s so pure#like we’re all human and it’s so neat to see how we can stop and come together at moments like these#both my local meteorologists cried during totality
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Hello! This is my first time with request, so if I'm doing something wrong, let me know. I noticed there is no Bumblebee Movie request, so I'll go with this one. The Ex-Decepticon abandoned the cause before Cybertron became unliveable because the Decepticons used to fight for equality became power-hungry. The Ex-Decepticon got to Earth years earlier in the middle of the human war - World War 2. The Ex-Decepticon helps the humans to prevent the same fate as their home planet. Years later, they saw Bumblebee getting dragged away by the military, the Ex-Decepticon stops them and vouch for Bumblebee and the Autobots and helped Bumblebee fight against Shatter and Dropkick. The Ex-Decepticon got killed in the end when they sacrificed their life to save Charlie's life. Their last words are, "I see humans in us...don't let them suffer the same fate as us," before they passed away. What does Bumblebee and Charlie feel about the Ex-Decepticon? Please and thank you.
OH... oh...
Haven't done one of these before, so this is a first! I will warn you the water works might come on while reading this. You have been warned!
Hope you enjoy!
Ex-Con Bot Buddy sacrificing themselves to save Charlie and Bumblebee
SFW, Angst, some comfort at the end, Buddy isn't making out of this alive (you have been warned!), Platonic, Familial, Cybertronian reader
The Bumblebee Movie
Buddy didn’t think they’d ever escape war.
Not even when they left Cybertron to find a planet to meet up with the rest of the Autobots, they were taken in only to fight in another war. A war that shook the world, literally.
Thankfully they made friends with the local natives of the planet. They were kind enough to offer a place for Buddy to take refuge, as long as they’d help out a bit with their war.
“What’s today’s mission Chief?”--Buddy
“Covert mission. You think you can handle it?”--Soldier
“Does Starscream want to rule the Decepticons?”--Buddy
“Ummm…”--Soldier
“Oh, sorry my bad. I’m good to go.”--Buddy
“You’re sure a strange one, alien.”--Soldier
“Oh, we’re on nicknames now. Chief I’m hurt.”--Buddy
“You started it! You literally started it!”--Soldier
“Maybe I did Burns. Now c’mon we aren’t going to smoke these Panzer tanks!”--Buddy
“If we get out of here alive I’ll make you my kid’s godparent.”--Soldier
“Neat. What’s a godparent?”--Buddy
“If I die your taking care of the little Burns at home with the Mrs.”--Soldier
After the war, the soldier was nice enough to let Buddy continue to live with him and his family. And yes, Buddy did get to become the godparent of the little one. Sector 7 would also house Buddy, but they felt more at home with their makeshift family.
Things were looking up for Buddy.
Buddy lived longer than their friends and loved ones on this planet. They buried each of their friends in private with their family.
Now in 1987, Buddy was staying and working with their godson.
“Hey kid—”--Buddy
“Agent Burns. Buddy we’ve talked about this.”—Agent Burns
“Okay then Agent Burns.”--Buddy
“Don’t say it like that.”—Agent Burns
“Then how do you want me to say it?”--Buddy
“Not like that!”--Agent
“Yeah I know, just messing with ya kid.”--Buddy
“How did you become my godparent?”—Agent Burns
“You want me to tell the story again?”--Buddy
“Wait no—”—Agent Burns
“It all started one drizzly day—”--Buddy
Buddy was out of the state when Bumblebee landed on Earth.
Never had Buddy sped down the highway when they heard Agent Burns’ message about a mechanical being that looked like Buddy on Earth.
“Buddy, this is Agent Burns.”—Agent Burns
“What’s up kid.”--Buddy
“Don’t—never mind, we have a situation down in the Bay.”—Agent Burns
“And, how does this concerns me how?”--Buddy
“We have a robot being that may or may not be related to your race of alien.”—Agent Burns
Tire screech.
“Buddy?!”—Agent Burns
“Wait what?! Describe them!”--Buddy
“Um… small yellow robot, mouth guard, doorwings, and… I think antennae.”—Agent Burns
“Wait, Burns this is a serious question. Does the bot have huge innocent looking blue optics—I mean eyes?”--Buddy
“Yeah—”—Agent Burns
“Oh, Primus almighty! I’m getting over there right now! Don’t hurt him!”--Buddy
“What?”—Agent Burns
“I said don’t—”--Buddy
Call ended.
“Oh… Oh Primus…”--Buddy
When they made it just in time to see a familiar looking scout holding a human female protectively in his servos as the army had circled around him. And their godson in the front.
“GET THE PITS AWAY FROM HIM!”--Buddy
“Buddy?!”—Agent Burns
“Agent Burns stand down!”--Buddy
“What—”—Agent Burns
“Stand down!”--Buddy
“There’s another you?”—Charlie
“Hi kids.”—Buddy
“Hi?”—Charlie
Bee waving cautiously and confused.
“…Stand down.”—Agent Burns
“Sir, you can’t seriously listen to—”—Random soldier
“Soldier, do you want to finish that sentence.”—Agent Burns
“…”—Random soldier
“That’s what I thought. Stand down.”—Agent Burns
It was a small reunion between them and B-127, as Buddy quickly realized that he had sustained head trauma and couldn’t recall most of his memory banks yet. Not until the full repairs had been placed. Buddy nearly chewed out Powell and some of the other generals for not contacting them before and for even giving Shatter and Dropkick any access to Earth communication systems.
“You’re telling me, while I was out of state for the first time in 15 years, you not only managed to get in contact with other Cybertronians; openly planned their extermination within ear shot; believed everything they said without taking it with a grain of salt; give them access to your satilites; let one of them seduce Powell—”--Buddy
“She didn’t seduce me!”--Powell
“Shatter seduced you Powell don’t lie to me. I’m having a talk with you later about that.”--Buddy
“But…”--Powell
“And on top of everything you all didn’t think about calling me about this?! Their names are ‘Decepticons’ for crying out loud! How did you not see the giant red flags waving in front of your faces!?”--Buddy
“Are you done?”—Agent Burns
“… When I’m done talking to Powell, I’m having a talk with you too kid.”--Buddy
“Why me?!”—Agent Burns
“ ‘Cause you didn’t tell me you went face to face with Blitzwing crying out loud! Though he did let himself go from the last time… kind of looks like Screamer.”--Buddy
Buddy made quick friends with the female, Charlie Watson. Thankfully, Buddy was able to access the rest of B-127’s memory banks after a bit of tampering with his processor.
That’s when the proper reunion happened.
“Hey kid.”--Buddy
Bee hugging Buddy.
Buddy gently hugging back.
“When this situation with Shatter and Dropkick is over, I’ll see what I can do about that voice box B-127.”--Buddy
“His name is Bumblebee.”--Charlie
“Oh, that’s the name you’re going by now?”--Buddy
Bee nodding.
“Well humans do have a habit of giving us names. Might as well continue some of the tradition, right?”--Buddy
“Wait so your name isn’t Buddy?”--Charlie
“No, not my original name. I don’t go by that name any more… it brings too many bad memories. Besides ‘Buddy’ is a much better sounding name than my old name.”—Buddy
“How did you know who those Con’s were? —Charlie
“… I used to know them. I used to be a Con, actually. I was fighting for change on our planet. Our planet’s government didn’t care for any of us. The Cons had the right platform at first. Change to make sure equality was spread to every class. But as the war went on, the goals suddenly changed from equality to having the most power. I didn’t want to be a part of a team that didn’t lookout for the little guy. So, I switched sides.”--Buddy
“Wow… I didn’t know.”--Charlie
“Heh, you’re not the only one Kid. Now let’s get back to fixing these chambers.”--Buddy
“You’re the boss Buddy.”--Charlie
“I know I am Charlie.”--Buddy
Together, the two bots started gearing up for the final fight.
It ended up with the pair of Autobot’s splitting up to cover more ground.
Bee would go after Dropkick while Buddy would go after Shatter.
Everything was going how it should have.
Things were looking up for them.
Buddy should have learned their lesson by now.
But nothing good ever lasts long.
Shatter had spotted Charlie and let out a round of fire to the human girl.
Buddy didn’t think twice when they moved to cover Charlie.
They quickly shielded Charlie’s body over there’s as the hail of rounds began tearing their body. Charlie started screaming in terror seeing what the blaster was doing to her friend.
“GAH!”--Buddy
“Buddy!”--Charlie
“It’s okay—AHH!—It’s okay, Charlie.”--Buddy
“No, no, no, no, no!”--Charlie
“Close—HURGH—Close your eyes kid. Close your eyes.”--Buddy
“BUDDY!”--Charlie
The screams were heard by Bee who had just finished off Dropkick. The scout tackled the Decepticon, beginning their fight.
Buddy felt as if their entire frame was on fire. Slowly they onlined their optics seeing a teary-eyed Charlie beneath them with some minor scratches on her face from the debris.
“You okay Kid?”--Buddy
“Y-yeah. I’m fine. But you’re not! You need help!”--Charlie
“Yeah—AARRGH!”—Buddy
Buddy weakly pushed themselves back, landing roughly on their back letting out a painful scream. The holoicons flash dangerously before their optics.
They knew.
They knew it was time.
They could barely feel the tiny hands on their faceplate looking at a shaking vision of Charlie.
Her words were muddled, but Buddy was concentrating on the little bits of warmth those little hands offered as their frame rapidly began cooling down.
Suddenly their helm was raised a bit.
Bee had raised their helm into his lap looking at them with those pleading optics to hang on.
But Bee knew.
Charlie knew.
“Hey now, its okay. It’s okay.”--Buddy
“No, it’s not!”--Charlie
“My—friend to the end.”--Bumblebee
“Couldn’t have said it better myself Bee.”--Buddy
“Buddy!”—Agent Burns
“Agent Burns!”--Charlie
“No, no, no! We need a medic! Someone get a medic here now! Someone--”—Agent Burns
“Burns… we both know I’m not going to last long. And here I was starting to think I was going to… bury the last of my family alone. I’m just sorry you’ll be doing…that.”--Buddy
“Its… it’s been an honor serving by your side Buddy.”—Agent Burns
“Likewise Burns… couldn’t have asked for a better godson. Bee…”--Buddy
“Yes—anything—my friend.”--Bumblebee
“I see humans in us… don’t let them suffer the same fate as us… can you do that?”--Buddy
“Yes—goodbye my friend—goodbye—Buddy.”--Bumblebee
“…”--Buddy
“Buddy?”--Charlie
“…”--Buddy
“Sleep well soldier. Your war is over now.”—Agent Burns
Buddy was given a proper funeral at dawn. Agent Burn, Charlie with her family, Bumblebee, and a few soldiers that were close friends of Buddy attended. Bumblebee took their spare Autobot badge with him before leaving. From there everyone parted their ways.
When Bee and Charlie parted ways, they both kept a comm link between the two. Charlie would leave for her garage to finally fix her father’s car, while remembering her friend’s smile.
When Bumblebee eventually reunited with the Autobots on Earth, he mentioned Buddy’s valiant stand against the Decepticon’s and how they fell protecting their human friend.
Bee was going to keep his promise to Buddy. These humans were not going to suffer the same fate as they did.
Not while he was around.
#transformers#transformers x reader#maccadam#bot buddy#bumblebee movie#charlie watson#bumblebee x platonic reader
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A Neat Little Drabble
“Enjoying the smoke break?”
A huffed laugh passes his lips as he looks over his shoulder “Yeah, but I know you. You’re about to lecture me about it. I get it doc, smokings killing me, but hey, it’s on my terms, that has to count for something”
Lee sighs, leaning his elbows on the railing as he faces the building behind them, letting out an exhausted sigh. “Actually Zeke, I was going to tell you to indulge, as a treat, seeing as this new patient is a nightmare and a half”
Zeke flicks his cigarette, humming in content. Doctor wasn’t wrong, todays been one giant heart palpitation. They’re lucky they know how to handle such a case otherwise some more blood might’ve been shed. “Oh? I get permission to have a bad habit now?”
“Watch it. I'm still your superior here” Lee chides, turning to lean on the rail facing the same way as his coworker. “A little indulging will help you relax and lengthen your lifespan however, so another break would be fine with me. I myself need another thirty just to soak in everything about this one. Something is just so off, I can’t place my finger on it”
Zeke flicks the butt of the cigarette to the ground, much to the ire of the doctor who shot him a look of disdain. “So- '' the second doctor begins, “We can agree he’s horrifying. He’s so easy to let your guard down around, at least for some, and that in of itself should be a worry, but honestly what sets me off about him is this look he gets in his eyes. That look that says he’ll risk everything because he has nothing to lose, you know?”
“Yeah, but Jasper has that look all the time just from me telling him to leave the needle box alone. The eyes bother me too but not from that look. If I’d have to say, I’d say its a look I used to align with myself when I was younger”.
Zeke cocks his head, intrigued. “What do you mean? I know you’re a bit stern but as far as I know you only raise your voice at that idiot redhead and drink tea to piss Dexter off. Those eyes are that of a killer and an unhinged beast…You’re nothing like that”.
Lee wants to laugh at that. Poor thing has no idea how close to a monster he really is. But he likes this relationship, it’s normal and mutual, and he’d prefer to keep it that way. “That's sweet of you to say. It's rather odd hearing a compliment from you” he joked, facing down the buildings and roads beneath them from the balcony. No, the look in this patient's eyes was definitely a look he has had himself. A look that said he was going to kill, maim, maul and murder just to get what he desired. But not because he had nothing left to lose.
It was because he had found what he had been searching for. Once a man like him has found his soulmate, he’s bound to do horrible things to keep them. Today when he was brought in, he was like a completely demonic being. Slipping out of the cuffs, hiding in plain sight, attacking when you least expected it. He wasn’t human, he couldn’t be.
And if he is, it’s all the more unfathomable and terrifying.
“I'm always nice to you” Zeke scoffs, nudging Lee playfully “We don't have to worry about much. We’re trained and capable of handling him. Hell, I’m sure it’ll be a breeze once the rest of the staff stops getting in the way and panicking. Most of those cuts and attacks were because they couldn’t quit screaming and losing their shit”.
“Mind you that you weren’t helping by egging him on. I'd rather not see you get your knife out. I know you’re fond, but this is work, we come here to help, not to antagonize” Lee scolds, eyes turned to slits in annoyance. “You’re a great student and a great friend. I watched you at graduation. I don’t want to lose you because you too can’t keep urges at bay. That's the line that keeps us from becoming one of these patients”
“That and half of them aren’t exactly human”
“Yes, Jasper is an enigma”
The two share a chuckle, Zeke flicking his lighter as he sighs. “Well, what do we call this newcomer? Didn’t exactly get the info since the pages were spattered in blood”.
Ah, he seems to remember that the screaming wasn’t exactly that of the patient's identity. Just slashing, cackling, and terrified cries for help or aid. One would think the name of such a person would be similar to that of a beast of legend or Lucifer himself.
Lee tilts his head up to better feel the wind on his face, shoulders hunched as he speaks bitterly.
“Elias”.
(Hi! I hope you beans enjoyed this little short! I might make more, but it depends on how my brain looks at the new character lol -Mommabean )
#doctor lee my oc#my ocs#mommabean#yandere scenarios#yandere imagines#yandere male#yandere asylum#yandere ocs#Elias my oc#I guess
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(English isn’t my first language so feel free to correct any mistake you notice)
• Characters: RK-800 (Connor), fem!Reader
• Genre: fluff, slight angst
•Warnings: logic mistakes for the plots sake
Unforgettable
𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧
Connors POV
My eyes scan the office until I found the person I was looking for: Lieutenant Hank Anderson. I approach him with a nod.
„Hello Lieutenant. My data reset was successful, meaning that I am able to focus fully on our missions again.“ I don’t know how much data they deleted and what was the reason in the first place but I am positive that CyberLife had their reasons.
Andersons expression looks like a mixture of annoyance and and disappointment. Whatever CyberLife deleted, he doesn’t seem to enjoy my reset.
With a resigned sigh he stands up from his chair and motions me to follow him. „In case you worry about my reset: I kept all the data important to the case, so there is no need for you to-“ „Shut up.“
A familiar… feeling? spread inside me at his remark and I instantly know that this is his typical behavior.
„We‘re gonna pick up (Y/n) real quick“, he informs me when we sit inside the car, driving through rainy Detroit. I could swear I‘ve heard that name before but I can’t seem to find any data about a (Y/n). I probably stumbled about a statistic about names in the USA one day. It may be either a really common or a really rare name based on the fact that I connect something with it.
I turn my head to my left and realize that Anderson looks at me expectant. As I don’t say anything he sighs again, looking back at the street.
After a six minute drive he parks in front of a high apartment complex. Like always I stay close behind him and follow him inside the building, the elevator and eventually in front of a door in the 4. floor. He knocks against the door and shortly after a young woman opens it, a shocked expression in her face as she sees us.
I scan her face but to my surprise no data appears. Instead an error sign pops up in my program. Like she even doesn’t exist.
„What are you doing here, Hank?“ the woman asks while she just watches the Lieutenant slipping between her and the doorframe into the apartment. Her (e/c) eyes lock with mine for a second before she follows him inside her home. Again I follow. I find myself inside her neat living room.
„Wait here Connor. We’re back in a second“, Anderson orders me before he goes with (Y/n) into another room. They seem to argue slightly I realize. But I follow his instruction and start to look around the room while I wait for them to come back.
A gray sofa is placed in the middle of the room with a small table made of glass is in front of it, covered with a tea cup, a book and a tv remote for the tv that hangs on the wall in front of me.
While I look at the sofa glitchy pictures appear in front of me. I see myself sitting on the sofa with the woman that just opened the door, but before I can look further into it, the memory (I suppose that’s what it was) is gone again, leaving me back confused and unsettled.
I walk over the open kitchen, only separated by a single step, and take a look around there too. Maybe I can trigger another… whatever that was.
And I indeed can. As I look at one of the sticky notes at the fridge, the writing way too neat and symmetrical for a human, another picture appears in my vision.
„I wrote you a shopping list while you showered, so you won’t forget anything later.“ A voice speaks. My voice. „You’re the best Connor“, her voice responds while she steps next to me, leans closer and… kisses my cheek?Again before I am able to take a closer look at everything, it’s gone already.
I look at the note again that’s reminding her in form of a few checkpoint to buy utensils like dish soap and new sponges and then I continue my expedition.
My next stop is the bathroom, which door is opened wide. I look inside and see myself standing in the mirror next to her again. I watch myself drying her (h/c) hair while smiling at her even wider smile.
This time a wave of sadness washes over me as the picture fades again. I want to figure out what these pieces of memory will look like at the end, when I put them together.
The door behind me, opposite to the bathroom opens and as I turn around I see Lieutenant Anderson and (Y/n) step out of what seems to be the bedroom. A short glance inside to the bed is enough to trigger the final puzzle piece. (Y/n) and I sit on the bed, her hands in mine and her lips against my mine. And with that everything crashes over me. The fear when they took me to reset my data, the pain I felt on the way there even though I can’t remember details like how I got there or who took me.
What I know is who is in front of me. Who they tried to make me forget.
„Tell him your name“, Hank pressures but (Y/n) shakes her head. „We’re gonna get in big trouble if someone finds out.“
Four eyes are glued to me while my eyes switch between Hank and (Y/n) at first before they focus on her. „You’re (Y/n) (L/n)“, I start to speak before I am able to think. „You’re 28 years old and were born in Texas. You’re favorite color is a light blue. #9BD3FF to be exact. Your favorite song is Mr. Brightside by The Killers and you like to bake. Your first pet was a red-eared slider turtle named Rocky. The first time you kissed me was on your bed at 9:34 pm on a Friday.“
With every spoken word of mine, (Y/n)s and Hanks eyes got wider and even I was a little bit overwhelmed by the sudden amount of information popping up. But it feels good to remember.
„You… You remember me?“, (Y/n) asks with a shaky voice to which I nod. „But… They deleted your memories.“
„They can delete data, but they can’t delete my feelings“, I answer. „You’re unforgettable.“
It has only taken about two hours for me to get all the data back they tried to delete. Probably because this is more than just some data.
#fanfiction#x reader#fluff#Angst#detroit become human#dbh#detroit become human rk800#detroit become human connor#connor detroit become human#connor rk800#rk800#connor x reader#dbh rk800#dbh connor
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More Short SFF Books!
Guys! Thank you so much for the love on my post on short SFF books! It was a lot for a tiny little blog like me lmao, and it made me feel very appreciated - thank you, again!
I thought that because of all that love, this deserved a second edition. So, since short SFF is definitely my specialty, and I won't stop reading these novellas any time soon, here's some other SFF short books I think might be worth your time!
Also, check out part one of this list if you’d like some more books in this vein :)
The Monk and Robot Duology, starting with A Psalm For The Wild-Built, by Becky Chambers
152 to 160 pages
duology (so far!! I'm hoping and praying, Ms. Chambers!)
queer rep of all kinds, but our protagonist is non-binary!
If you know me, then it's a surprise this didn't make it into the first edition of this list. I love Monk and Robot! They're My Favorite Books, so rest assured that they come very highly recommended!
This one follows Sibling Dex, a disciple of Allae, the god of small comforts, as they decide to change the course of their professional life and become a travelling tea monk. Along the way, they meet Mosscap, a very friendly robot, with one question - "what do humans need?" There's just one problem: robots have been living in the wild for generations, and they haven't interacted with humans since they gained consciousness. Can Sibling Dex handle this responsibility?
I hardly have the words to describe this one. This is a sci-fi, I guess, but it feels like a fantasy -- it's just so atmospheric and draws you into this utopian and equitable world full of nature and community. Monk and Robot really emphasizes the best parts of life, the best parts of humanity. It will warm your heart because you will see your life in it - in all it's smallness and its gorgeousness. It's perfect if you want something that's short, sweet, and with a conflict that doesn't span the whole entire world, but is focused instead on two people - or, I guess, on one person and a robot.
Mandatory reading for everyone! Get your hands on a copy, you won't regret it!
Our Lady of Endless Worlds Duology, starting with Sisters of the Vast Black, by Lina Rather
176 to 192 pages
duology
sapphic rep
We're staying on theme here, with another religious-y pick. I give you: Sisters of the Vast Black! This one is about nuns! In space!
Some time into the future, the Catholic Church is alive and well. The sisters of the Order of Saint Rita live on their (get this) living ship, a gigantic animal they use to navigate between space stations and planets. I think this one is worth it just for that concept, I fell in love with it!
This book follows the Sisters as they receive a distress call from a colony, and find out that the Church's means might be more nefarious than they seem. But, mostly, it's about the sisters themselves, as they grapple with their faith, the ever-changing universe and the questionable morality of the Church.
I loved this one! Not only are the characters very compelling, the setting is just so cool. This concept of the living space ship is so fucking neat, and the duology gets down to the nitty-gritty of it. Not to mention, the idea of religion, and contemporary religion in particular, surviving mostly unchanged into the future is so interesting! I don't know if it's me being nerdy, but I just found the concept here so, so compelling, I couldn't resist bringing these books home with me!
The Seventh Perfection, by Daniel Polansky
176 pages
standalone
I don't remember it being queer, but I could be wrong??
I guess this is also kind of religious in a way lmao. The Seventh Perfection follows Manet as she searches for someone for the God-King, who runs the kingdom she lives in, using her perfect dominion over the seven perfections to help her.
The unique thing about this book, though, is how the story is told. Instead of following Manet's perspective as she goes through her city, interviewing people, we only see one side of her dialogue. As Manet speaks to a shopkeeper, for example, we are only treated to his answers. In this manner, its up to the reader to put some pieces together.
Although it is nothing too complicated, - especially for veterans of books such as The Locked Tomb or fantasy behemoths like A Song of Ice and Fire, with their crazy amount of characters - the structure is pretty unique. Like Esme N pointed out in her Good Reads review of this one, it kind of reads as if you're a POV character in a videogame, going NPC to NPC. I'd say this one is for the anyone who likes different approaches to stories in SFF, and enjoys being a little bit confused!
Elder Race, by Adrian Tchaikovsky
201 pages
standalone
no queer rep that I remember, either
Elder Race is an interesting one, as well. This one is definitely for fans of books with almost anthropological approaches to culture, such as The Left Hand of Darkness and A Memory Called Empire. Elder Nyr is a scientist, sent to another planet in order to explore it, who lives in his space ship. Except that, for the locals, that space ship is a giant tower, and Nyr is its mysterious sorceror of legend. Now, Lynesse comes to search for him so that he can help her deal with the threat of demon.
The result of the interaction between Lynesse and Nyr, and the fact that each of them have POV chapters, means that this reads as almost two separate books. One of them is a sci-fi, and that's Nyr's perspective, who is from a society with very high-end technology, and sees all problems as matters of science. Meanwhile, Lynesse sees everything as magical, so hers reads almost like a fantasy. It makes for such an interesting experience!
I think about this book constantly, and have been wanting to reread it for ages. I quite liked this particular approach, not to mention the concept! Plus, I love books that go deep into culture like this one. And, of course, it's from prolific and famous author Adrian Tchaikovsky, who wrote the Children of Time series, and although I haven't read the rest of his work, I've heard this is a good starting off point in case you want to get into his other books.
Princess Floralinda And The Forty-Flight Tower, by Tasmyn Muir
146 pages
standalone
non-binary rep
I'm always singing Ms. Muir praise, and that's for a reason! This one follows Princess Floralinda, who is locked up in a (guess!) forty-flight tower by an evil witch. She has placed one monster at every floor, and no prince has managed to get through the first one, let alone trudge up the stairs to rescue Floralinda.
With impeccable sense of humor, which is a trademark of Ms. Muir's fiction, we follow Floralinda's plight as she waits for someone to come rescue her - and then eventually notices no-one might be coming, after all. Her character development is astounding, and it's so satisfying to follow her. It's also just so impressive that so much can be packed into so little pages when it comes to her arc.
And I forgot to mention - there's a fun fairy character who will help Floralinda on her way! I think it's worth reading just for that!
#book recommendations#book recs#booklr#books#queer books#lgbtq books#short books#sff books#fantasy books#sci fi books#novella#sff novella#short book#monk and robot#our lady of endless worlds#lina rather#the seventh perfection#elder race#princess floralinda and the forty flight tower#tasmyn muir
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The Great Rooster Rivalry - Part 1
AKA, an incident so absurd it needed to be shared.
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Today isn’t the first time I’ve had someone decide that we’re rivals when I’m Literally Just Vibing, but - aside from some brief hostility from a very ornery turkey at the animal rescue center I volunteered at a while back - the few one-sided nemeses I’ve wound up with have been human. The good news there is that with humans, you can do things like use your words to say “how about we calmly talk this out.” Or, if that fails, you can always try “leave me the fuck alone.” Or even “If you don’t leave me the fuck alone, I will get someone who can make you do that to intervene, so kindly go away now please.”
Unfortunately, when it comes to chickens, communication gets a little bit harder.
To tell this story, I’m going to need to back up just a little and drop some backstory on y’all. I’m living in a small town on account of the local college having a pretty sweet grad program I’m enrolled in, and while I can’t say I adore the lack of public transit, one of the cool things about living here is that it’s only about a ten minute walk from where I live to get to The Backroads. There’s only one entrance to them that’s nearby, but once you get out there, you can wander around the winding roads through trees and over hills and past farms for quite literally hours on end. So needless to say, in terms of this vs. walking along the busy road into the center of town, if I want to wander around outside, obviously it’s going to be in the place with views like this:
But that said, I haven’t been out that way in about a week or so thanks to messing up my back enough to send me stumbling into the hospital looking so bad someone immediately rolled out a wheelchair. And now that I’m doing a bit better, I’ve resolved to make sure that I compensate for the hours sitting in front of a computer that landed me with said back injury in the first place by doing a whole bunch of yoga, and also by making sure I go out for a walk on the backroads every day.
All of this is to say, I’m pretty set on sticking to walking this way on the reg, and right past the turnoff to the backroads is a house with a whole bunch of chickens. Now, normally, this isn’t a problem at all, and it’s actually really neat to see the chickens hanging haout in their enclosure. But sometime in the past week, one of them apparently decided to start a career as an escape artist.
Harry - as I’ve dubbed him for said escape artist tendencies - was hanging out in the middle of the road as I strolled on along my way, and as I came closer, he made a beeline for me. Initially, I figured I’d just keep walking, but I guess someone passing through his rightful territory didn’t quite gel with him, because he just kept coming.
Also, here he is just chilling before he decided I was a horrible trespasser who must be stopped:
Aggressive chickens are nothing new to me, so I did what normally works - first trying to move slowly back and away so I could give him a wider berth, and when that didn’t do the trick, went for a a loud and forceful “hey, BACK OFF.” while moving purposefully towards him. I guess Harry hadn’t gotten the memo that when the being that is significantly larger than you doesn’t seem like they’re scared, the move may just be to take the hint and chill out.
Next thing I knew, Harry hurled himself at me in full attack mode, and on impulse, I kicked the poor bastard squarely in the chest. Apparently I have more skill points in rooster punting than I thought, because the guy went flying, and while he was regaining his footing, I was able to get the heck out of there at a nice fast clip. I took a quick detour to knock on the door of the house with the chicken enclosure in their yard to tell them that, hey, your dumbass bird son is wandering around in the middle of the street and he’s going to get hit by a car probably, but no one answered, so I figured I’d just have to head off on my walk and hope Harry didn’t get himself killed. He didn’t chase after me when I left, presumably because he was still busy being surprised he’d had his ass handed to him, and I assumed that was that.
Half an hour later, I came wandering back along the road towards home, still feeling guilty for punting this poor bird who was just acting on the angry dinosaur instincts embedded in his tiny little brain. And I guess Harry really didn’t like being punted, because as soon as he saw me, he came at me with the sort of righteous fury that sends all caution straight to the wind. From his perspective, I'm sure my five-foot-two wimpy-ass self was some sort of great and terrible Goliath, and he was the valiant protector of his lands, determined to vanquish me no matter the peril.
Unfortunately for him, when nothing else worked to get him to back off this second time, it was once again rooster-punting o’clock.
I spent the next several minutes lamenting the fact that Harry and I now seemed doomed to a never-ending cycle of violence every time I decided to go for a walk on the backroads, and as much of a bastard as he is, I really didn’t want to keep kicking him. I wasn’t sure if his humans would do a better job of keeping him from running around defending his lands in his self-sabotaging rage, so I realized I’d need to take the first steps towards mending this one-sided rivalry myself.
So, I’ve decided to start bringing some snacks for Harry with me on my walks, and hopefully if I show him that I am also a benevolent Goliath, he’ll warm up to me. I’m not sure if it will work, but I’d like to think the power of snacks may just succeed here.
Stay tuned for a part two, and if anyone’s got any ideas for how to patch things up with my new and very much undesired archnemesis, please feel free to share!
#ink posts#funny story#storytelling#personal anecdote#non fiction#writing#writing inked#writing and storytelling
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so my elementary school experience as an autistic kid who was shit at masking went a little like this:
teachers, to my mom: “so we think that your child might be...a little special. and we were thinking you might want to consider taking her in to see a specialist.”
my mom: “are you calling my kid the R word right now? like to my face?”
teachers, sweating: “no, no! well...not that word specifically, but she definitely has something going on.”
my mom: “she’s not slow. she can read.”
my teachers: “well the thing is...most second graders are not reading and mostly comprehending, um, Lord of the Rings.”
my mom: “so you’re just punishing her for being smarter than the other kids.”
my teachers: “no, she’s not being punished. we just think she might benefit from some...help. maybe some speech therapy or social training.”
my mom: “is this because of the biting? because it’s perfectly normal for kids to bite a bit. maybe they should stop picking on her. the only reason she’s not making friends is because those other kids are so mean to her.”
my teachers, trying to figure out how to explain to my very non-receptive mother that I also talk exclusively in a “baby voice” on school grounds, frequently pretend to be an animal, occasionally just exit the school during gym because I simply do not want to be there, get legitimately lost and distressed trying to navigate our tiny-ass school, spend all recess either reading advanced adult-level material or doing shit like lining small pebbles up in neat rows according to size and color, and like nine million other things that the other kids pick on me for, and that maybe if I got therapy that would somehow fix me: “um, well...if you’re willing to give it a shot, we do still think it would be helpful that she at least see our school counselor from time to time. Just to help her make friends and come out of her shell a little.”
my mom: “Frankly, I’m insulted that we’re even having this talk. my daughter is a very kind, intelligent girl, and I will not have her being held back because her classmates are feeling threatened.”
my teachers, trying to figure out that the threat the other kids are feeling is more the “if I call her a glue-eater, will she bite me?” type of threat, and less the “wow she is so good at reading books and can spell really big words, I know feel insecure in my own reading comprehension.” type: “I’m sorry you feel that way, but please just think about it.”
and then my mom did think about it, in the sense that she would bring it up around relatives from time to time as a point of outrage that the school would try to “pull something like that” just because I was “too smart and sweet.”
and my teachers ended up just having to treat me like a combination between a typical student and a potentially volatile class pet, which did not in any way give me a weird complex in my teens about not feeling like a human being due to being ostracized by my peers and treated by adults like a decently trained animal that was too small and cute to be any real threat.
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Fun Fact: The birds known as “Goat suckers”
So. This week is a little different, just for fun! We’re going to get into the etymology of a group of birds, with a little bit of folklore mixed in, because I think it’s neat!
Since you are on the internet, you may be familiar with Caprimulgiformes. Well. That name is A Lot, so you probably don’t know them by that name, but they are an Order of birds that includes such internet sensations as Frogmouths and Nightjars and Whip-poor-wills.
Another term for them is “Goat suckers”.
Why? Let me explain:
The Order name “Caprimuliformes” can be broken into two basic parts:
Capra: (latin) “goat” (yes, like capricorn).
mulgeō: (latin) “I milk”
Which, in turn, can be combined to create the word:
caprimulgus: (latin) “goat milker”. At some point, people started translating this as “goat sucker”, and I am not one to disagree, on account of it being a funnier name, in my correct opinion.
This is not to be confused with another so-called goat-sucker: el chupacabra (Spanish: chupar, 'to suck', and cabras, 'goats'). I guess everyone is very worried about their goats getting-- actually, nevermind.
Caprimulgiformes are aerial insectivores, meaning they capture insects out of the air. In many parts of the world, people have noticed that they like to hang out around goats (and other herd animals, but lets focus on the goats). Why? Well, the real reason is because bugs are attracted to the goats, and these birds are attracted to the bugs. These birds also happen to be nocturnal.
Now, if these birds caught bugs during the day, they would probably have a different name, and this would likely be the end of the story. However, the fact that they appear at night, swooping low over the goat herds for mysterious reasons, is something that goat herders in ancient Greece apparently found to be very untrustworthy.
You see, sometimes, nanny goats suddenly stop producing milk. This can happen for a variety of reasons, and these reasons are often not obvious. And when ancient goat herders discovered a goat suddenly wasn’t producing milk one morning, they, like all humans, want to know the reason.
So they thought to themselves: what could have happened since yesterday to cause this? What have I seen? What have I noticed?
And they remember those birds, which only appear at night, and swoop low over the heads of their goats for no discernible reason. And those goat herders thought to themselves: huh. Maybe they stole the milk.
at least, this is how I imagine the reasoning went
This was likely not helped by the goatsuckers’ mouths, which look like this:
I suspect ancient Greek goat herders thought that looked about right for stealing goat milk. Like. It’s around the right size to fit around a goat teat. They’re actually like that because they’re essentially ram-feeders, meaning they open their mouth and fly through a swarm of insects, trying to catch as many as they can. Bigger mouth = more bugs.
At any rate, we know that people thought this, because this guy you may have heard of, Pliny the elder, passed on this little pearl of wisdom in 77 CE (quote from a 1601 translation):
“The Caprimulgi (so called of milking goats) [...] bee night-theeves; for all the day long they see not. Their manner is to come into the sheepeheards coats and goat-pens, and to the goats udders presently they goe, and suck the milke at their teats. And looke what udder is so milked, it giveth no more milke, but misliketh and falleth away afterwards, and the goats become blind withall.”
Dang. They also make goats go blind? Powerful little birds, I guess!
Nowadays, I’m not sure if anyone really believes this bit of folklore. Maybe it exists in small communities, but I don’t know of any. Even in 77 C.E., Pliny seemed a bit doubtful of this fact. In another bit of writing, where he recounts an old man telling him about the harms of goatsuckers, he ends the story with the line “But possibly that aged man was jesting with me.” (quote from Dictionary of American Bird Names).
(bonus:
In my area, we have the “whip-poor-will”, because their call sounds like they’re repeating “whip-poor-will” over and over and over and over and over and over and over. They also happen to be nocturnal, and love to call at around 2am right outside my tent. (I still love them but also oh my god let me rest). Here’s a recording of their call if you want a taste. )
#ornithology#language#biology#fun facts#science#sciblr#science side of tumblr#STEM#adhd in STEM#zoology#history of science#fun fact friday#birds#caprimuliformes#goat suckers#nightjar#whip-poor-will#frogmouth#linguistics#folklore
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romeo roulette | jung yoonoh
pairing: jaehyun x fem!reader
summary: if finding your soulmate is the same as a damn game of russian roulette, you are determined to not pull the trigger at all. except, you know who your soulmate is and he doesn’t—and given a choice to pretend, you find that jaehyun is the lesser of the two burdens to bear.
genre: soulmate au, office au, fake dating, fluff (a lot), angst (a little), romcom, magical realism (??)
words: 21.2k
warnings: language
song recs: playlist here !
a/n: behold ! a kdrama compressed in a fic ! ok i was lying there was more than a little angst but all in good fun <3 i have never experienced working in an office (thanks to the panny) but i tried making it as accurate as i could !! hope you have fun with this <3
It’s not that you’ve never been looked at with a lover’s gaze, it’s just that whatever look Jaehyun has been giving you is mildly uncomfortable. It’s not supposed to be that way. Hell, even his hand clasping yours are a little too clammy for your liking.
Jung Yoonoh. Get your act together.
You wish he were a better actor than this. For someone used to eyes on him in each and every room he’s in, he’s not very good at making eye contact. You’ll be saving this performance. Not to stroke your own ego but at least you know how to behave under strong gazes.
There are three people staring at the two of you and your fingers intertwined, scrutinizing your postures and the expressions on your faces. Maybe Jaehyun should face them instead of glancing at you wordlessly. He’s a terrible liar for someone who acts so smooth.
You look up with a short smile. The aforementioned three are your coworkers—former class rep at uni and your current boss Doyoung, your friend Soojin and Jaehyun’s friend Sicheng from IT. None of them look happy—like it concerns them. If there was a competition for nosy coworkers, this entire group would be winning awards left and right (and that’s including you).
They’re going to find out, an annoying voice giggles inside the quiet corner of your brain. Like hell, they will. You didn’t take up acting lessons in college for nothing. You just need to focus on the details.
This whole charade dates its beginning to a week ago.
If someone were to tell you Jung Yoonoh from marketing is your soulmate, you would most certainly either laugh or take it as a genuine insult. Hence, you were glad when you found that he isn’t.
It was an accident. You had glimpsed at his soulmark, right below his collarbone, at a particularly wild office afterparty—and somehow, you thought it was fitting that his tattoo was a little red heart. For someone born on Valentine’s day (which you know from a night out with coworkers, not because you’re remotely interested), if his soulmark was not something as disgusting as a heart, it would be the textbook definition of irony. But then again, fate is a funny thing. Your soulmark is a heart roughly the same size, with a little more intricacy in the form of a piercing arrow.
Despite all, however, if someone were to ask you if Jung Yoonoh is the worst person to be your soulmate, the answer is no. You can name at least five coworkers off the top of your head that you’d choose him over. You would choose him over Doyoung (and especially his nagging), you would choose him over Taeyong because he’s too hot and you also don’t like men in a higher position than you are, you would choose him over Jungwoo because you suspect he’s secretly a furry. Jaehyun is certainly better than your deskmate Dongmin who, despite an angelic smile, is: a) too distant to make actual conversation with, and b) in a relationship despite being your soulmate. Sweet-tempered Dongmin doesn’t even know it’s you. You’d love to be the bearer of bad news but this one—you’re not exactly ready for it yourself.
So that’s the explanation for why you hunted down Jaehyun and in a desperate attempt to not seem pathetic, coerced him into a role that has carefully picked benefits for either of you. You just have to bite the bullet sometimes.
“And I get what out of this?”
“Me? Temporarily, that is.”
Jaehyun laughs in amusement and you drop your smile, almost offended. If you were a gift, you’d certainly be an attractive, spicy, hot one—he doesn’t have to look at you so incredulously. In a neat business suit, Jaehyun is as kempt as ever though his tie could do with some more work. As an HR assistant, his appearance pleases you. However as a person, the perfection annoys the hell out of you. He could show himself to be more human. It would make your job (both the actual and the metaphorical) easier.
“I’m leaving,” he announces with a nonchalant exhale. “You keep messing around during work hours like this and people are going to think you’re jobless.”
“Wait!”
You jog up to him and block his path, crossing your arms as you huff at his indignance.
“I said no,” he repeats, and when he tries to evade you, you push him back with your palm flat against his chest. Jaehyun doesn’t show any more discomfort than usual, biting the inside of his cheek.
“You haven’t found your soulmate, right?” you say, taking a deep breath. If you have to resort to psychological warfare, so be it.
His smile wavers and he straightens, no longer leaning against the printer desk. “No. How does that matter?”
“It matters because you’re going to be my pretend-soulmate. Now, don’t be a pussy.”
He opens his mouth and closes it, furrowing his eyebrows. “You can’t always trick me into doing what you want.”
“I’ll ask Doyoung if you say no.”
“See—enough with the tricks, they don’t work anymore. I’ve known you for two years.”
“I really will ask him.”
“Not convincing enough. You don’t even talk to Doyoung outside work.”
You groan into your hand, taking a few moments to come up with another plan. How is your obvious charisma not enough? You certainly can’t tell him how rejected you feel with the whole Dongmin situation even if his rejection hasn’t officially come yet. It’s too embarrassing for a grown adult to go through. You don’t mind being lonely for the rest of your life if you’re successful. There’s a price tag on each decision you make anyway.
“I’ll treat you to lunch every day. I’ll pay.”
You cross your arms, tapping your foot in anticipation. They say the way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. Besides, Jaehyun hates spending his lunch money on himself. This ought to do something.
Jaehyun places his hand in front of his mouth in mock surprise. “Oh no, out of your beloved paycheck? That’s kind of scary, honestly.”
“Jaehyun. Stop messing around. I’m being serious.”
He purses his lips, hesitation across his face. You don’t like the way he thinks, with quiet, lost eyes and no clear giveaways on his lips.
“Okay. I’ll do it.”
You smile in relief though you try somewhat to not let it show on your face.
“On one condition.”
Your eyes dart across his face, nothing that tells what he might suggest next. You hate when you don’t get to decide on things.
“You have to come visit my family next month and pose as my soulmate—”
“No way.”
“—and when this whole game you’re playing is over, you’re going to say I rejected you.”
You stare at him, weighing the odds.
“Fine,” you say finally, voice pitched in slight annoyance.
Jaehyun shrugs.
“But I tell my parents that I rejected you. Or they’ll come after you with a task force or something.”
You mutter the last part.
He grimaces, holding his breath for a good few seconds and then letting it go.
“Alright. It’s not like mine and your parents know each other—or will ever meet.”
“Fine then,” you say. “We have an agreement.”
“We have an agreement,” he repeats.
Now, back to more pressing matters. The people in front of you aren’t a stupid lot—even if you've seen Doyoung spend $500 on plush toys, seen Sicheng absentmindedly walk into a desk and pretend to not be in pain for the next five minutes and Soojin somehow convinced a senior to get her coffee because she thought he was an intern (in her defence, it worked).
The only way is to act through. You clear your throat.
"We… we discovered it last week. Our signs match."
Technically, you drew an arrow with a permanent marker over Jaehyun's tattoo in an attempt to resemble yours. It's not awful, but perhaps not perfect.
“Discovered? Like just happened to find out?” Doyoung asks.
“Isn’t Jaehyun’s on…” Soojin leans in to whisper hurriedly in your ear. “On his butt? Did you guys sleep together?”
You contort your face in disgust. “The what? What? Who told you that? And no.”
Soojin makes an ‘ah’ sound and leans back. “I should stop listening to office rumours then.”
"You should." You glare at her.
Sicheng is the only one without questions at the tip of his tongue but the look on his face worries you most.
“I’ve never seen your tattoo, now that I think about it,” he muses, turning to Jaehyun. “Although we’re roommates.”
Jaehyun clears his throat, looking around with shifty eyes. "Why is… why is everyone looking so suspicious?"
"It's just… so sudden," Soojin says, looking around at the others.
"Yeah," Sicheng mutters.
"Soulmate fraud is a big deal too, you know that right?" Doyoung informs. "You could get put in jail."
You throw up your hands in exasperation. "Why would we pretend? We don't have any reason to. And, uh, you're sure about the jail thing?"
You look at Doyoung, hoping your question didn’t come off too squeaky.
"You’re right,” he says, sighing. “It’s so unlikely for soulmates to work in the same company, let alone the same building.”
“Oh, yes, I’m so lucky,” you mutter under your breath.
Doyoung sighs. "Look, we're happy for you. It's just that… it's a little sudden."
"Literally what I just said," Soojin says.
"Literally what she just said," Doyoung agrees quickly, not wanting to pick a fight. Sometimes you wonder who the real boss is.
"Look, just because we don't even acknowledge each other or find each other remotely attractive or wouldn't even be each other's office Christmas card candidate—"
Jaehyun nudges your side with his elbow and gives you a look that seems a lot like "You're making it worse".
You clear your throat. "That's what happens to most soulmates! You think you're going to land the perfect one and boom. You get a chump from marketing."
Jaehyun makes a sound of protest. "I didn't want a snob from HR either."
The two of you glare at each other, and you find that clenching his jaw makes Jaehyun slightly (around 0.05%) more attractive, or at the very least more bearable to look at.
Doyoung gasps. "Okay, I get it. You're having adjustment issues. I know a guy for that. He's helped every newly found soulmate couple adjust with each other."
"We don't need that," you interrupt, offering your fakest smile.
"You do," Doyoung responds, his smile equally fake. "I'll drive you this weekend if you're free. He’ll give you one free session. No more, because we all know how capitalism works."
People have got to stop copying your fake smile. You wish you could have it copyrighted because after all, it’s the same smile that tricks interviewees into thinking they got the job. It’s not evil if you say it isn’t. You open your mouth, look at Jaehyun doing the same and when you can't come up with an excuse, give up and nod.
"Don't look so resentful," Doyoung says, tone slightly complaining. "I'm not doing this as your boss. We were friends in college and I'm just doing you a favour. A friendly favour."
Soojin hums in deep thought. "I feel like this is some sort of nepotism."
"I feel like you should open a dictionary once in a while," Doyoung mutters, only to get a vaguely threatening look from Soojin.
"Anyway," Sicheng diverts, eyes curious when he turns to Doyoung. "Why did you call us here?"
"Ah." Doyoung's eyes widen. "I heard promotion rumours."
Sicheng lets out a loud huff of annoyance. "You summoned us here for company gossip?"
Doyoung crosses his arms. “So, you’re not interested?”
“Who said that?” Sicheng responds quickly, leaning in.
The five of you huddle closer in a circle, looking as conspicuous as a cult.
“You guys know that Jinyoung’s leaving, right?” Doyoung starts.
Soojin gasps audibly only to get a smack on the arm from Doyoung. “Why’s he leaving? He's like employee of the month every month. ”
A few chuckles pass through the group at her discontentment from months of losing out on the title.
“I heard he found his soulmate. Lucky ass gets tax benefits too now,” Sicheng complains. “Why is he leaving?”
“Oh, look who’s interested in gossip now,” Soojin coos.
Sichengs turns red in the face and looks away, clearing his throat. “You’re gonna answer my question, Doyoung?”
“Oh! Right.” Doyoung looks up from a text. “He got rejected by his soulmate.”
Soojin covers her mouth this time when she gasps and you can’t say your jaw doesn’t drop as well.
“Rejected? Like our picture-perfect Jinyoung got rejected?” you repeat, trying to process the information. “Please don’t tell me he decided to be an idiot and sign a mutual rejection.”
“No, he didn’t lose his senses,” Doyoung responds with a duh undertone. “He’s getting the compensation money.”
You sigh. “Man, I feel bad for him.”
Jaehyun hums in agreement. There’s a hush over the group and you feel fear rise in your chest. You don’t want to be rejected. You’ve seen how happy Dongmin looks with his girlfriend—he’d reject you in a heartbeat. Of course, you could just receive the compensation money from the one-sided rejection and get it over with but you refuse to. It hurts to not be wanted. It hurts to not be wanted by someone who’s supposed to want you. To be specific, it hurts your pride. Every time you see the damn arrowed heart on Dongmin’s wrist, which he tries so hard to cover with his watch, you feel like throwing up. You’re glad yours isn’t as easy to spot—resting right above your hip bone.
“Anyway, someone’s getting promoted to that HR specialist position.”
You gasp. “Is it me? It’s me, right?”
Jaehyun rolls his eyes and you elbow him. “What’s with you?”
“Don’t get too excited,” he says, shrugging. “Isn’t it stupid to get your hopes up over a rumour?”
Doyoung breathes out. “Wow, (name) really sucked the life out of you, Jaehyun.”
You glare at him when Soojin breaks into a fit of laughter. “You- you know what that- you know what that sounds like, right?”
Your face contorts into disgust and you shake your head. “Let’s be more professional, alright, Soojin?”
She clears her throat and straightens her clothes, like a teenager being reprimanded. “I’m your senior. It’s embarrassing when you say that to me.”
Jaehyun speaks up and turns to you. “I think lunch break is almost over.”
You raise an eyebrow. “So?”
“You’re forgetting something.” He smiles, dimples showing, but his eyes come off menacing.
“Fuck,” you mutter under your breath. You forgot about that stupid lunch promise.
“Hey. Professional,” Soojin warns.
You groan and link your arm through Jaehyun’s, making him bite back a smile. What is it with men and getting weirdly happy about lunch?
“We’re gonna go get lunch,” you announce.
“Ooh, (name)’s ditching quality time with coworkers for dates now,” Soojin coos.
You roll your eyes and exit the office, stopping to wait in front of the elevator.
“I think that went well,” Jaehyun says, shrugging lightly.
“Shh. What if they hear us?”
“Do you think they’re X-men? We’re a long corridor and closed doors away.”
You huff, crossing your arms. “Still…”
Jaehyun’s smug smile makes you want to smack it right off and this isn’t the first time you’ve felt this way with him. You swear he’s not as bad as some of the guys you’ve met but Jaehyun is simply annoying. An A grade nuisance. You can trust him though. If Soojin says he’s a reliable guy, you’ll believe her—she doesn’t bluff when it comes to seeing right through men, though she does have a tendency to believe stupid rumours.
“Your acting was shit though,” you snipe.
Jaehyun lets out a low sardonic laugh. “At least I was subtle when I was messing up.”
You cross your arms and huff. “You know what? You can take the next elevator ride.”
“Huh?”
You step into the elevator just as the doors open and quickly jam your finger to the close doors button. The look of betrayal on Jaehyun’s face is subtle but it’s enough to satisfy you. As the saying goes, when one door closes, another one opens—it’s very applicable to elevators. He can take the other one.
However, almost immediately after, the elevator doors open and you groan, opening your mouth to send a sarcastic congratulations to Jaehyun for pressing the button on time.
Your words hitch on your tongue. Dongmin greets the two of you with a smile, standing beside Jaehyun, who has his eyes averted from you.
“Hey,” Dongmin greets. “Congratulations. I heard the news.”
“Thanks,” you croak, clearing your throat with a bit of heat on your cheeks. Jaehyun looks like he might burst into a fit of laughter any moment and you shoot him a subtle glare.
“Where are you headed to?” You ask.
“Oh, I’m going to grab a sandwich from the cafeteria.”
“We’re also headed to the cafeteria,” Jaehyun declares, with a smile that’s almost devilish.
“No, we’re not,” you say quickly, making Dongmin raise an eyebrow. You hold back a groan. If only Dongmin weren’t raised to be the politest man you know and a little bit more of an asshole.
You hum and turn to Jaehyun. “I told you about that new cafe. Remember, honey?”
Dongmin makes an ‘o’ with his mouth. “Nicknames, already? Ah, I’m so jealous. It must be great to get along with your soulmate.”
Oh, the sweet summer child that Dongmin is.
Jaehyun furrows his eyebrows. “Oh, won’t it take too long, darling? We have—”
He makes a show of checking his Rolex, a gift he received from his superior that he spares no chance to flex.
“—Around ten minutes left.”
You hold back a groan and plaster on your smile. “Come on. Now is the best time.”
“That sounds like a load of—”
You elbow Jaehyun hard in the gut and a restrained sound dies in his throat, eyes widening in the sweet look of discomfort taking over his features. You smile triumphantly and turn to Dongmin with an immediate change of expression.
“I’ll see you in office later,” you say, bowing slightly.
Dongmin nods and gets off on the fifth floor. You watch in quiet relief as the elevator door closes and turn to your dear companion, irked.
“Did you have to do that?” Jaehyun asks, voice raspy with pain.
“You deserved it. Don’t you dare make this a bigger mess than it already is.”
“You came up with it.” Jaehyun straightens, finally. Apart from the few loose strands of his neatly parted hair, he doesn’t seem all that disgruntled.
“And we’re going to set some ground rules,” you declare, closing your arms.
Jaehyun straightens to his full height, the space between the two of you diminishing.
"Okay," he agrees. "Then we both get a say in it. It's a contract, after all."
"Fine. First rule, no being weird around Dongmin."
Jaehyun chuckles. "I think you need to be more careful about that than I do."
You pat his cheek. "Focus. Just don't- don't be around him for too long."
Jaehyun purses his lips. "Why are you so uncomfortable around him? I thought you were doing this because you didn't want to reject him."
You glance away, feeling uncomfortable. "It doesn't matter. I just don't want him to know."
Jaehyun hums. "Fine. My turn. No calling me a chump."
Your cheeks puff up as you try to contain your laughter. "It bothered you that much, huh?"
Jaehyun furrows his brows. "No one's ever called me that before. It's always 'oh my god, he's so handsome, who is he?' or 'ooh, I might faint from how hot he is'."
You giggle. "Alright, handsome."
Jaehyun exhales, his puffed cheeks making him look like a resentful five year old instead of a grown man with a professional job. You pause before you get back on track.
“No nicknames,” you blurt. “It’s weird when you call me something endearing. And your flirting feels kind of threatening.”
“What do you mean, baby?”
“See! You’re doing it again.” You cross your arms at the look on his face; anything close to victorious over Jaehyun’s features is unbearable to you.
He raises his arms in exasperation. “How are we supposed to make this work if we act like we don’t care about each other. Guess why Doyoung’s taking us to couple therapy?”
You huff, slightly pissed off. “You’re saying it was my fault?”
“I’m saying we could have avoided that with better acting.”
“You think you’re so—”
The elevator door opens with a ding on the first floor and you turn to find a bunch of interns back from their lunch break. It would be much less of an awkward affair if you and Jaehyun weren’t well into each other’s personal spaces, noses almost touching and with a mutual glare which could be easily mistaken for a look of something more sensual. You jump away from Jaehyun and leave the elevator as fast as you can, feeling far too conscious of yourself. With long strides, you exit the corporate airs of the building to a sunny, fairly populous sidewalk.
Jaehyun catches up to you, bending and trying to catch a glimpse of your face with an incredulous smile over his.
“Don’t say a word, Yoonoh.”
“Ooh, you’re saying my name now.”
“This isn’t funny!”
“I find it plenty funny.”
“That’s because of your trash sense of humour.”
“Mhm.”
“Don’t look so smug.”
Mondays are the days that make you want to scream in agony, not Thursdays—though they are pretty high up on the worst days of the week list. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe pretending to be in love with someone you simply cannot be in love with is an awful idea.
Soulmates don’t need to be in love with each other, you think to yourself. There’s plenty of soulmates who are just in it for the financial benefits; you can just pretend to be one of them. This dilemma is starting to fray your nerves and Jung Yoonoh, with his lax disposition and dimpled cheeks, is making it worse. And to top it off, you now have to take him to your favourite (kind of secret) cafe in the name of the lies that slipped your tongue. It was supposed to be a quiet comfort spot for you.
You blow a puff of air out and dismiss the thought. Comfort spots aren’t real anyway when you’re all grown. There’s bound to be a breach.
However, you will not let the (lacking) romance department of your life get sorted out by someone who doesn’t even know you. Lady luck would be an acquaintance to you at most. If fate is a game of chance after all, you might as well be the one spinning the roulette. You look at Jaehyun, piecing together the perfect plan for this seemingly frivolous play-pretend. The game is in your hands now.
You blink at the figure of Jung Yoonoh under February sunlight on a modestly busy sidewalk. It’s not something to be surprised at—however, the stark contrast in attire makes you stare longer than you intend to. Wearing a black graphic hoodie and pair of worn out jeans, Jaehyun looks about as casual as you can bear. It’s always weird to see coworkers out of formal clothing.
“Are you just going to stare at me till Doyoung comes and picks us up?” he asks.
You roll your eyes.
“You look nice,” he says, and you glance down at your outfit with a flush of heat over your cheeks. It’s just a short A-line skirt, stockings and a sweatshirt. This is as basic as you get. What’s worse is that his comment didn’t sound sarcastic.
“You- You look nice too. I guess.” Once in a while, you will say something extremely stupid and pretend it never happened. The frequency increases around Jaehyun for some damn reason.
“You guess? I’m pretty sure I look more than nice.”
“And how long did you look at yourself in the mirror and practise catchphrases this time?”
Jaehyun’s ears turn the shade of cherries and you press down your smile. You knew that time you caught him talking to himself in front of a car window would play to your advantage.
“What’s that you’re holding?” you ask, eyeing the plastic bag he’s holding.
“Ginseng,” he answers, staring blankly at the cars passing by. “I heard the couples therapist is in his sixties so he might find it useful.”
“Oh, old people stuff,” you muse quietly. “That’s quite thoughtful of you.”
You should’ve brought something, you think for a moment before realizing that couples probably don’t give separate gifts.
“Thanks,” you mutter.
He raises an eyebrow. “For what?”
You shake your head. “Anyway, we might as well kill some time. Twenty questions. Let’s go.”
He laughs. “What are we, in college?”
You wrinkle your nose. “Don’t make us sound like we’re thirty. I bet you’re the kind of guy who has his retirement plan figured out.”
“Wrong,” he emphasizes, face leaning closer.
“Fine. I’ll start the questions, you unsalted block of butter. How many relationships have you been in?”
Jaehyun opens his mouth and closes it, ears turning red. “That’s your first question?”
You roll your eyes. “Okay. I’m guessing it’s single digit and on the lower side.”
He rolls his eyes. “How many relationships have you been in?”
You shut your mouth. There’s a moment of silence, a breeze passing you by, carrying winter away in its arms to make room for spring.
“Never found a relationship worth it,” you mutter, glancing away.
Jaehyun hesitates before opening his mouth. “Me neither.”
“Good thing for us, eh? Love makes people crazy.”
Jaehyun faces you with a clipped smile. Never did you think Jaehyun from marketing would be relating to you on a personal matter.
“Oh, but I’ve had enough hookups and I can bet you’re mediocre at best in bed.”
Jaehyun glares at you. “I am not and I can prove it to you.”
“Is that an invitation into your bed? No, thanks.”
He opens his mouth to retort but is interrupted by the Hyundai Grandeur pulling up to the sidewalk and rolling down the driver window to reveal Doyoung. He looks as overworked as usual, but his eyes are more tired, a bit of makeup covering the dark circles. You’ve heard his soulmate is a makeup artist for an idol group and wonder how they even came to be. Does fate throw darts randomly and pick its choice?
“Get in. Quick,” Doyoung instructs. “I have to drop you off and head home. My family is visiting. I didn’t even get a warning and they think I’m in a gay relationship with Taeyong because we still have our friendship rings from college.”
You want to laugh and agree but Doyoung looks rather pissed off so you hold it in. The two of you do as told, getting in the backseat and shutting the doors in sync. The car smells rather leafy mingling with the scent of fresh clothes and you eye the jar dangling from the rear-view mirror. You open your mouth to ask what scent that is when Doyoung’s voice rings out.
“What’s that?” Doyoung signals to the bag with Jaehyun.
Jaehyun looks down. “Ginseng extract.”
“Oh, the gift pack?” Doyoung asks.
Jaehyun nods and Doyoung chuckles, shaking his head. “If that’s for Mr. Lee, forget it. He hates gifts. Something about inward appreciation and shit.”
Jaehyun groans, massaging his forehead. “What do I do with this then? Is this guy a priest?”
“Give it to Doyoung,” you suggest. “His family’s visiting.”
You hear an audible hum of approval from the driver seat and turn to Jaehyun making a face of reluctance. Maybe he isn’t so magnanimous after all, you think smiling.
“You’re both quite tame today,” Doyoung remarks, just when the silence is starting to swallow the inside of the car. “Makes me wonder if you need Mr. Lee after all.”
“We actually don’t…” You shake your head. “We’re here and it’s free so why not?”
Jaehyun shoots you a questioning look. It’s not like you can cancel when you’re in Doyoung’s car and already on the way. You’ve known your boss long enough to know the wrong answer to his questions. You look outside at Seoul streets and sigh.
Jaehyun looks at you, your focus elsewhere and wishes this would end already. He has no idea what overcame him to accept your ridiculous offer but he must be just as ridiculous. At the very least, he finds you quite lovely to look at—not that he’d ever admit it to you. The foundation to this weird bickering friendship (if he can call it that) would be ruined by that. His ego, however, has been boosted up a few notches from the fact that you called him for help. He looks outside the window, holding back a smile. It’s a sunny day.
The therapist, Mr. Lee’s office building is a fancy one with an even fancier lobby. Baby pink leather couches cushion your bum nicely as you wait for your appointment. The architecture is that of a corporate firm and you feel quite at home with the large glass walls by the revolving door. This therapist guy must be rich as hell. The receptionist wears a formal uniform; her blouse is light pink with a grey pencil skirt and you like the look of it. You wonder if asking her where she bought it is time-appropriate. More couples sit around you and you, unfortunately, have to scoot closer to Jaehyun as a result. You do not want to catch that disease they all have. Why are they even here for therapy if they’re smiling at each other in that sickly enamored way?
Now that you’re here, you’re starting to feel that this arrangement was ill-decisive. You should’ve done a better job of acting. You wonder if you can get a refund for that college course on acting, pouting as the ticking wall clock gets on your nerves. Even the marble floors are pink; the walls are mahogany red and there’s a heart-shaped wall clock, and should you glance around more, you’re going to nauseate yourself. This guy certainly takes his job seriously—or just really likes pink-red themes.
A woman in her early thirties exits the elevator and announces your names, and you click your tongue at the fact that she used Jung for your surname. It sounds distasteful.
You follow her, starting to get nervous. You really hope this Mr. Lee isn’t as good as Doyoung says he is. Your fraud falling apart within three days is too embarrassing a defeat, not to mention bordering on illegal if found out. What the fuck does the government care about broken hearts and beneficial relationships? It’s so nosy. You understand the financial situation in case of happily bonded soulmates but apart from that, there really shouldn’t be this much discrepancy in the name of love.
Love drives people crazy. You’d rather not lose your good sense in the name of something so inane. After all, money makes the world go around, not love.
Restricting a gag at the deep red heart on the door, you push them open with Jaehyun to find an old man sitting on a similar baby pink couch as in the lobby. He gets up to greet the two of you, the wrinkles on his face deepening when he smiles. Despite everything, he has a sort of grace to him, the one that comes with growing old elegantly. An upbeat song plays on a record player attached to the wall, although at a very low volume, and the tune reminds you of Animal Crossing.
“Doyoung told me about the two of you,” Mr. Lee says, gesturing at the two of you to sit down. “How long has it been since you found out?”
“Six days,” you answer at the same time Jaehyun answers, “Four days”.
The two of you look at each other.
“Four-Six days. We didn’t keep track.”
“Ah,” Mr. Lee says. “How do you propose to celebrate your anniversary?”
You hesitate opening your mouth and declaring that you don’t really need to do that crap. Mr. Lee notices your expression and breaks into gentle laughter.
“I’m kidding. Anniversary dates don’t matter,” he laughs. “It’s okay to celebrate your 100-day on the wrong day. Don’t worry.”
You purse your lips. To your dismay, Jaehyun isn’t as bothered by the sickly pink environment and Mr. Lee’s relaxed demeanour.
“I have a hundred percent success rate,” Mr. Lee assures the two of you, looking directly at you.
“That’s what I’m worried about,” you mutter under your breath and get a nudge from Jaehyun, who has his politest smile on.
You can’t believe Jaehyun has a better customer service mode than you do. If you didn’t know him, you’d be fooled into thinking he’s the nice guy character every office has. Unfortunately, that one goes to Dongmin. You hate getting stuck with nice guys (unless they offer financial stability).
“I think Doyoung might have been exaggerating,” Jaehyun explains calmly. “Whatever he told you.”
“He told me the two of you have a bickering problem. And staring at each other when the other isn’t looking.”
You cough. “That is not true. The staring part.”
Jaehyun narrows his eyes at you. “I knew you were checking me out,” he mutters.
You roll your eyes. “Keep dreaming, Jaehyun.”
Mr. Lee laughs. “Your bickering seems to be quite affectionate. I don’t know what that boy was worried about.”
You press your lips together into a thin smile, annoyed that anyone would ever describe your interaction with a man as affectionate. It makes you feel like an idiot. You were always better off alone—the universe was wrong to assign Dongmin to you. Maybe you needed to see the apparent love of your life clearly in love with someone else to snap you to reality.
“However, what is a playful lover’s fight in the beginning can turn into real fights.”
“Right,” you mutter. “It’s all fun and games in the beginning.”
“The two of you have almost no animosity—you’ve known each other before you discovered the soulmark, right?”
The two of you nod, having already reconciled yourselves to this session. It’s a one-time thing, you tell yourself. It will be over soon.
“The soulmate information shouldn’t influence the relationship you already had. If anything, it should be drawing you closer. First time awkwardness is common.”
He’s starting to sound a lot like your high school sex ed teacher. You get the idea to pretend to be sick and get out of this early.
“Company policy too,” Jaehyun mutters. “Unofficial company policy makes office romance out to be some sort of sacrilege.”
“You know, I was the CEO of your company so I do know the policies,” Mr. Lee says, smiling in the confident, reserved way senior citizens offering wisdom do.
You choke on the water you were taking a sip of, a coughing fit overcoming you and Jaehyun hesitates before awkwardly patting your back.
“Huh? CEO? I’m sorry?” you manage.
Mr. Lee lets out a loud, hearty laugh. “I stepped down two years ago.”
“That’s when I joined,” you and Jaehyun say at the same time.
Mr. Lee smiles at the two of you wordlessly. “I have an idea for the two of you. Why don’t you try turning your ‘I’s into ‘we’s? Do some activities together and when you talk about it, you’ll find yourself much closer.”
You narrow your eyes. “You know, Mr. Lee, I’m a little curious about your relation with the company—”
“My recommendations won’t help you get promotions faster.”
“Dammit.”
Jaehyun chuckles beside you but a glare from you turns it into a suppressed smile. The one thing that wouldn’t be a waste of time opened its door and closed it right back.
“But you know how promotions work,” you press, leaning forward.
An alarm rings, so pleasant in tone that you know it’s a Samsung. Unfortunately, it’s the ugly flip model and you question Mr. Lee’s taste (and wealth).
“Oh, look, time’s up,” Mr. Lee announces, and you think you catch a hint of nervousness in his voice.
Jaehyun springs up before his ears turn red, embarrassed by the gusto with which he himself got up and looks at you expectantly. You get up, sighing.
“Next time, Mr. Lee,” you warn. “I will get those details.”
“I charge by the hour.” He smiles.
“Stop threatening the therapist,” Jaehyun mutters to you, taking your arm and turning to leave.
“Oh, and,” Mr. Lee calls. “It’s always better to be honest than to pretend.”
You blink in surprise when Jaehyun tugs at your arm, bowing in thanks and leaving the room with you.
“Was it just me or did he see through us?” you whisper to Jaehyun.
He shakes his head, whispering back, “There’s no way he could tell. He’s probably referring to something else.”
“Like what?”
Jaehyun doesn’t answer.
“Tell me, are you always so domineering towards strangers even?” he asks. “I just thought you liked to press my buttons because I’m easygoing.”
You scoff. “Don’t flatter yourself. You’re not as cool as you think you are, especially since you get so hot and bothered by me.”
“It’s just you,” he whispers earnestly and your pulse rises. “No one else.”
You cough to kill the awkward silence and walk faster to the elevator. Jaehyun follows at a leisurely pace and it’s never occurred to you before but the sound of someone’s footsteps can also be annoying, proof currently standing beside you.
The elevator doors open, and much to your appallment, a young couple happens to be full blown making out inside the elevator, hands where there certainly shouldn’t be in broad daylight. Jaehyun whips his face away, clearing his throat loud enough for the couple to detach themselves from each other and hurriedly exit, fixing their clothes on the way.
“So he wasn’t lying about the success rate,” Jaehyun states quietly, a look of resigned horror on his face.
You can’t even respond for a few moments, following him into the elevator and shaking your head to get rid of the thought that inevitably jams itself inside your head. It might have a point, however.
"Maybe we should kiss too," you think out loud.
Jaehyun stiffens, looking at you with wide, fearful eyes. "No."
"We have to kiss, we're dating!" You exclaim, hands on your hips.
"We're not actually—ah, whatever. It’s not worth bickering with you."
"Why? Afraid you'll fall in love with me?”
Jaehyun shakes his head, and you’re suddenly aware that your bickering keeps drawing you closer to each other, your faces nearer than you’d realized.
"If anything," he starts with a confident smile. "You better not fall in love with me."
"Oh, please. You're taking this way too seriously."
"You're the one that wants to kiss me."
Your cheeks heat up. "You're- I- That's not—argh, fuck you."
Jaehyun looks smug, and you have the unstoppable urge to punch it off his face. You take a deep breath. Violence is not the way, (name).
“If we were a few years younger, you’d be begging for mercy under me,” you seethe.
Jaehyun’s eyes shift over your face in confusion, ears burning bright red with each passing second. Before he can open his mouth, you let out a short yell.
“Not like that, you pervert,” you say, leaning away from him.
“I didn’t even say anything. On an unrelated note, were you a delinquent in school?”
You roll your eyes. “Kind of. I had a temper and a sharp tongue.”
“And now you’re a people pleaser. That’s quite the development.”
You smack his shoulder. “You’re getting on my nerves, punk.”
He makes an ‘oh’ with his mouth before smiling. “You totally did the delinquent accent.”
“I’m guessing you were the shy, little boy who flushed red at conversations about kissing.”
Jaehyun clears his throat in annoyance. “I was not. I was quite popular in high school and college, you know?”
“Yeah,” you mutter. “It’s that face of yours.”
“Sorry, what? I didn’t catch that.”
“Oh, look, we’re on the first floor.” You exit the elevator, leaving a puzzled Jaehyun to follow in stumbling steps.
“I don’t think Doyoung’s picking us up,” you state. “You take the bus? Or do you have a car to flex? I don’t ride in anything below a Tesla, unless it’s Doyoung because he’s technically my boss.”
“You’ll have to do with good old rented Hyundais,” he answers.
You exhale. Maybe he’s getting used to you. The bus stop is opposite the building, the structure squeaky clean and a bunch of people waiting on the seats. It’s a busy place and you wonder if the scammy-therapist-slash-your-former-ceo’s business has anything to do with that. You sit the first chance you get, shoulders pressed against Jaehyun’s for the lack of space and admiring the passing traffic. Seoul really just depends on the lenses you see through. Work days make the screen tinted grey and blue and you hate them often but some days, it’s good to experience those. Weekends are brighter, sunny and usually not with Jaehyun but he doesn’t really put a damper on them either.
You scan his side profile, a little envious when you realize that his confidence isn’t misplaced. You might have trained yourself to be more of a pleaser over the years but he’s the sort of person people come to like naturally. Moreover, his skin is perfect and his hair is always looking styled even in a mess. Fate and Life are partners in crime when it comes to being unfair.
Jaehyun turns to look at you and you snap your head to your lap, turning on your phone and staring at the homescreen for a good few seconds.
“Twenty questions,” Jaehyun announces. “Let’s play again. I’ll go first. Do you check me out when I walk away?”
“What is this, playing my own cards against me?” You scoff. “You’re so full of yourself.”
“So, yes or no?”
“Sometimes,” you mutter. “But it’s not the good kind of checking out. I’m checking out how terrible you look with your mess of a tie.”
Jaehyun laughs, the sound a hearty rumbling sort and you can’t help but smile back at that. It’s kind of cute when he laughs—the sound of it and the way his cheeks are dusted pink.
“My turn,” you say with a cheeky smile as you lean in to whisper. “Have you ever had a wet dream about me?”
Jaehyun chokes on air, coughing out the surprise as he stares at you dumfound. You stick the tip of your tongue out and throw him a wink, thoroughly enjoying this victory against him. It feels great to fluster someone like Jaehyun.
“No,” he says with clear emphasis.
“Even the night you said I was so unbearably hot very loudly to Sicheng?”
Jaehyun leans back sighing, covering his face with his hand. “I was tipsy. And it was my first night out with coworkers. Give me a break.”
You giggle. “Honestly, it wasn’t that bad. There were worse incidents that night. An intern threw up on Doyoung’s shoes—I can’t even imagine the horror the poor girl experienced.”
Jaehyun shakes his head, smiling through his hand.
“Have you ever sent nudes?” you ask, wiggling your eyebrows.
He sighs. “Maybe. Have you?”
“Oh, wouldn’t you like to know?”
He curls his lips. The answer seems to be no but you’re at least seventy percent sure he would be attracted to you in a world where your personality traits weren’t being nosy and annoying.
“Do you think you’re a good kisser?” Jaehyun asks, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees.
“Definitely.”
He scoffs, a smile tugging at his lips.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” You cross your arms.
He shrugs, leaning in slightly as though flirting (if he had the audacity). “We could test that.”
You feel your cheeks heat up. “What happened to no kissing in the contract?”
“It’s not officially there.”
You roll your eyes, glancing away. “You know, I’m starting to believe you were some sort of desperate fuckboy in college.”
“I- I was the hottest dude on campus and if we went to the same college, you would be pining after me. I literally had the Campus Prince title and girls would follow me to see me in class.”
He crosses his arms, a frown tugging down his lips.
“Ooh, Jung Yoonoh’s getting fired up,” you say in a monotonous voice. “Wonder how many girls you pulled with your chewed up fuckboy dialogue.”
Jaehyun scoffs but he clearly finds your accusations amusing, as hinted by his unbothered smile. He asks a question again.
“What’s more important to you—truth or happiness?”
The question catches you off-guard. Jaehyun’s eyes are delicately curious, nothing too strong and even so, you find yourself holding your breath under his gaze.
“Huh?”
“Twenty questions. We were playing?” Jaehyun raises an eyebrow.
“Right.” You clear your throat, rubbing the back of your hand. “I… I’d choose happiness, I think. I’m… I’m not sure.”
“Really?” He doesn’t look too hellbent on taking apart your answer so you breathe out. He’s starting to pry into you finally. “I think the truth will make you happier.”
“That’s not- that’s not always true.” You look away, hoping the quietness of your voice ends the conversation there. You don’t know how to talk about it—you never really have. You’ve ugly cried over the lack of your love life to a stranger after five shots of whiskey but you don’t think you can talk about things like this sober. You don’t even know why you answered. Jaehyun makes you feel oddly comfortable.
Jaehyun shrugs, getting up when the next bus halts in front.
“What did you major in?” you ask, following him.
“Business,” he answers before thinking. “Kind of hated it. But I started out with IT and that was somehow worse.”
You gasp, taking a seat beside him on the bus. “I started with IT too! It was a nightmare. You took that Database Management course?”
Jaehyun smiles. “It was like the course equivalent of reading the back of a Wi-Fi Router.”
You laugh. Maybe he isn’t so different after all.
“You know, you do look like a business major,” you hum, furrowing your brows as you pretend to scrutinise him.
“So, you’re indirectly saying I either look like a rich kid or a jackass.” Jaehyun raises an eyebrow.
“They’re both the same thing.”
The laughter from the two of you makes an old woman behind you grunt in displeasure and the two of you apologize. It’s nice to talk like college kids again. The Seoul sunlight shines on Jaehyun’s face and you bite back a smile when his dimples appear. They aren’t all that bad. If you get along like this, there’s no reason to worry about fate and the universe and other superfluous things offered to you on a boring old ceramic plate. It’s a smooth ride.
Your eyes drift to Dongmin’s workspace instinctively and you shake your head. This is exactly why you were avoiding him and even started the entire fake relationship with Jaehyun. You’d choose fake dating a (good-looking) chump from management over embarrassment and possible heartbreak any day.
You groan internally before glancing again and find the desk empty. Surprised, you blink and turn only to scream at Dongmin’s figure behind you.
“Shh!” he says urgently. “Don’t move. And don’t panic when I say this but there’s a bug on your shoulder.”
“What the fuck? Get it off, please,” you say, voice choking up.
Dongmin rolls up a stack of papers and you let out a low screech. “Don’t kill it on my shoulder!”
“Sorry,” he says and your eyes soften as he gently pushes the paper against your shoulder and takes it away. You breathe a sigh of relief and he signs you a thumbs up as he wiggles the paper in the air outside the window.
“You saved me,” you say, smiling.
He returns it, his most beloved eye smile making you wonder if you made the right choice. Wouldn’t it be fun to just crash everything and watch it burn? You know you want to. Benevolence and grace were never your style. However, it’s his smile again that stops you. Maybe you don’t really want to be the bad guy after all. You’re sparing him from confusion and dread.
You’re sparing yourself from rejection and inevitable loneliness (yay).
It’s been a week, discussing details with Jaehyun before the both of you collectively decided to just wing it and hope you’re not caught. After all, there’s no real way to prove you’re not soulmates if you’re careful enough (the same way you can’t prove someone’s cheating if they’re careful enough but that’s quite a depressing analogy). Perhaps if you renounce the soulmate benefits (and Dongmin didn’t smile as often at you), it would be less morally taxing. You, however, are greedy. When you want something, you’ll do anything to get it.
You stare at the computer screen and sigh, cross checking the employee records for incorrect data and your eyelids start to droop. Of all the days, you just had to be assigned the most boring task on a Friday. You also should’ve gotten sleep instead of getting mad at Jaehyun’s dry responses to your plan of action. It was perfectly viable; unnecessary, but perfect nonetheless.
Soojin rolls her chair backwards into yours. “We’re going drinking tonight. Wanna come? You can bring your boy-toy too.”
You roll your eyes. “As much as I’d love to call him that, he’s still the chump from marketing for me.”
“Or,” Soojin emphasizes. “Your actual soulmate. How lucky is it that you work in the same building, in the same company?”
“I’m not sure if you’re being ironic.” You scroll through the database with trained eyes.
“I’m not. A lot of soulmates don’t even get to see each other because of their line of work. It’s so tragic.”
You’d be glad if you didn’t get to see Dongmin ever too. But you’ll keep that to yourself. You hum in response and hear a sigh from behind you.
“Let’s have fun,” she whines. “Is Jaehyun that much of a downer? He’s one of the hottest dudes in the building. I thought you’d be cheery.”
You pause and think to yourself. She does have a point. You’re definitely supposed to look happier. Your soulmate has the looks of a model and fifteen year old you would fawn over him no doubt.
“It’s the work,” you answer. “I’m working overtime to compensate for my rent.”
You work overtime anyway because you hate heading home to an empty apartment.
“Ah, you signed a new lease, right? Near Songpa?” Soojin looks at you with pity and pats your shoulder. “You know what? I’ll treat you to drinks tonight. You deserve a day off, missy.”
You smile. “Thanks, Soojin.”
“And,” she adds in a singsong voice. “The love of your life is here.”
You furrow your eyebrows before tilting your head and almost sighing in exasperation at the figure of Jung Yoonoh outside the glass door. He may not show it, but you know distress when you see it. You’ve seen enough squirming undergraduates at company interviews.
You quickly get up from your seat, praying that he didn’t mess something up. However, you find it cute when he looks like this, the urge to fluster him even more presenting itself to be rather tempting.
“I think you have a sick obsession with me, Jaehyun.” You cross your arms after closing the door behind you.
He exhales, closing his eyes for a moment before taking your arm and pulling you away from the door.
“Woah, this isn’t high school. You can’t just pull me into a corner to make out.”
Jaehyun’s ears flare hot red and he clears his throat. “You’re in high spirits today.”
You weren’t, actually. Somehow, teasing Jaehyun gives you the same rush as caffeine. You just love when the nonchalance on his face turns into discomposure.
“I came to give Doyoung these files. Or you, since you’re practically his assistant.”
You ignore his comment. “There’s clearly something else.”
“The team sports event is coming up,” Jaehyun starts, hesitating. “I’m not managing it this year. I have to participate.”
“So?”
“So Dongmin has a higher chance of finding us out. What if he sees my mark in the changing room and it all goes to shit?”
“Great! He’ll think you’re his soulmate and I’ll be spared from this nonsense.”
“I’m being serious. It’s already difficult living with Sicheng and having to change with my doors locked. It’s kind of suspicious.”
“Do you guys sleep naked with each other or what?”
“No, but I do sleep with my shirt off.”
“Ugh. Why would you give me that image?” you complain. The image isn’t bad per se but it’s not what you need right now.
“You clearly liked it,” he mutters.
You furrow your eyebrows. “You’re not doing this just to give me a load of unnecessary anxiety, are you? Do you know how swamped with work I am?”
“No, of course not,” he answers, no indication of which question he answered. “Also, is there a reason Soojin’s glaring at me?”
You wave your hand in dismissal. “It’s just the haven’t-warmed-up-to-coworker’s-new-boyfriend glare. Don’t worry about it.”
He doesn’t seem too relieved but you have more anxious thoughts invading the privacy of your Friday evening. You have to keep up your composure. It could happen one way or another, perhaps in a situation better than a team sports activity, but you have to figure it out. You reject your soulmate anyway—the same way he would.
Glaring at Jaehyun one last time, you get back to your desk. Jaehyun looks at your receding figure and finds himself checking you out, the largest blow he’s taken to his dignity. He shakes his head, breathing in and out. This is so not like him. He’s supposed to be the suave, handsome guy who people can’t seem to get to and yet—yet, you do it so easily. It’s unfair. He swallows his heart and tells himself he’s too old to feel this way. He’ll just drown himself in work and pretend love is a commodity like everyone else with a corporate job is supposed to.
“You know,” Soojin starts when you get back. “Jaehyun kind of looks high if you look at him long enough. Weed is illegal though but who knows? Maybe he’s a bad boy deep down after all.”
“Which rumour have you been paying attention to now?” You sigh deeply.
Soojin laughs. “It’s funny to hear everyone’s opinions. Even if most of them turn into scandalous tall tales.”
“Anyway,” she continues. “I’m clocking out. I’ll get Jaehyun to take you to the sake bar.”
You look at her, puzzled.
“You’re a matching set now,” she follows up and you groan.
“Don’t give me that cr—”
“Toodle-oo! Let’s have some fun before we’re grey and old, eh?”
You sigh and nod. Maybe you should look into a caffeine fix, even if it costs you a mental power outage at the end of the rush. It’s not like you to be so down on a Friday but alas, Fate is as miserable a woman as you are. The sake bar is starting to sound good.
Or, you could always watch a few ASMR cooking videos instead of staring blankly at the employee records. Either way, this Friday better improve by tonight.
“This is going great,” Soojin says, louder than she probably intended after her fourth shot.
“Of course it is,” you mutter.
You haven’t yet had a chance to drink more because of two reasons: one) Soojin is hogging the alcohol and two) it would be embarrassing to get drunk in front of Jaehyun. Adding to your misery, Soojin has been gushing over her soulmate and the way she always makes breakfast for Soojin, listing off every single recipe she’s made. You would love to listen but you’re a tiny bit past your limit.
“Wooh, Jaehyun, you look hot,” Soojin whistles, in more of an older sister manner. “I can almost see your tattoo. Why don’t the two of you show us at the same time and we can take a commemorative picture?”
You cough loudly. “Mine’s on my waist, Soojin. I’m not ready to expose skin.”
“Right. Sorry.” She turns back at lightning speed to bother Dongmin with her stories, who smiles at her politely. It seems so genuine that you’re slightly enamored with it for a moment. There’s Jungwoo from marketing beside him, some more HR employees and thankfully, no interns. Doyoung is the only one partly miserable in the lot, talking into the phone for half an hour now.
“Shit.” Jaehyun nudges you and whispers, “I forgot about the tattoo. This T-shirt makes it very visible.”
You look at him, alarmed. You fix his jacket, startling him, and pull the zipper all the way to his neck, making sure to backhand him on the chin.
“There.”
“It’s hot in here.”
“What do you want me to do about it? God, you’re like a child.”
“I’m like a—okay. Just cover my tattoo with foundation or something.”
“You think I carry around a whole bottle of foundation?”
Jaehyun blinks, deeming it safer to keep his mouth shut.
“Okay. Fine. I have an idea. Come to the washroom with me.”
“Oh my, this isn’t your making out in the corner type of thing, right?”
You glare at him and he shuts up, following you quietly to the surprisingly clean restroom. The fact that it isn’t gendered makes you very glad. You make Jaehyun sit on the low enough basin counter and push your knee against it to balance yourself as you take out a permanent marker from your bag.
“I hope Doyoung doesn’t fire me for sneaking away,” you mutter angrily. “He didn’t even make me receive his calls all day.”
Jaehyun scoffs lightly. “Please, Doyoung adores you and your work ethic. He talks about it more than what I need to overhear. That and Taeyong’s detailed aquarium maintenance rules.”
“He does?”
Jaehyun clears his throat and you hold back bombing him with more questions till you’re done with painting an arrow into his tattoo.
“Isn’t it weird?” He looks at you with round, curious eyes. “Yours is a heart. Mine’s a pierced heart.”
“Hm. Funny coincidence.”
“Do you have to sit on my lap for this?”
“I’m not sitting on your lap,” you hiss. You are kind of close. You train your eyes on his collarbone as you pull his neckline down.
It would be so embarrassing to be caught like this. You’d rather be caught making out with someone in the broom closet. You hold back a pained sigh. Jaehyun has some nerve speaking to you when you’re already annoyed with him. Couldn’t he just have worn his business attire? Why does he get to go home early? Taeyong is far too lenient a boss. You start swearing internally, getting nervous when you think about the consequences of your actions.
“Has anyone ever filed a complaint against you?” Jaehyun asks, and you nudge his chin upwards to draw the line on his tattoo.
“For what? Being perfect and successful?”
“For that attitude. The ‘take what I want’ attitude.”
You roll your eyes. “No. You’re saying it like I’m awful to the core for trying to take what I want. I haven’t got such a bad soul, you know, as souls go. You wouldn't write articles about how good a soul it is but… it’s well enough.”
Jaehyun raises an eyebrow and you avert your gaze from his eyes. This sort of proximity shouldn’t be bothering you, you shouldn’t be rambling.
The door opens right then and in a fit of panic, you do the unthinkable. You press your lips to Jaehyun’s and pray that whoever walked in has no idea who you are and more importantly, can’t see the permanent marker in your hand.
“I’m so sorry!”
You know that voice. You half regret it when you hear it. Dongmin exits the bathroom as quickly as he entered and you pull away to look at the empty space. Beside you, Jaehyun stays so still that you forget he’s there for a moment. You breathe out in relief though part of you still feels a heavy ounce of regret.
You turn back to Jaehyun and find his doe eyes soft and lost in thought.
“I get it now,” Jaehyun whispers. “It must hurt. That he doesn’t care about the system.”
“What are you talking about?”
“That he’s so reckless about discarding you.”
You separate yourself from him further, standing up and brushing your clothes. “You’re overstepping.”
“Sorry,” he responds quietly.
There’s a pause.
“Did you just kiss me right now?”
“Shut up. I didn’t want him to see us and especially this.” You wave the marker in front of his face.
“You just kissed me in a fit of panic. That’s the first time I’ve seen someone respond to panic this way.” Jaehyun looks a little too smug.
“What are you implying?”
“You wanted to kiss me.”
You scoff. “Don’t get too ahead of yourself.”
You want to knock the smile right off his face but you stick to flicking his forehead, his yell of surprise satisfying. This Friday night was supposed to get better. In fact, you are going to make it better if life won’t. The soju won’t drink itself and you deem that Soojin has had enough.
Ignoring Dongmin’s confused look, you order far too many soju shots to be considered healthy. As you promised yourself, you are going to make this Friday better.
//
You just had to go and get drunk. Jaehyun stares at you, blinking slowly and wondering just how much you can embarrass yourself before it becomes a burden for him. He has to get you home; you’re practically a matching set now. But are the halves of a pair supposed to take care of the other when they get drunk?
“You know what, guys?” You announce, standing up abruptly and immediately getting pulled back to your seat by Jaehyun. It doesn’t stop your mouth however.
“I hate the stupid system,” you continue. “To tell the truth—”
He smacks his hand over your mouth. Jaehyun has had enough of the silent mini heart attacks you give him. The rest look at him with puzzled looks and he can’t even bring himself to give them a polite smile before dragging you out of the bar. The night breeze is cold enough—maybe it’ll sober you up.
"You're so annoying, Jaehyun," you mutter, massaging your forehead. "Did you know that?"
Or maybe it won’t.
"Never heard that before."
"How do you always keep to yourself and still be the center of attention?" You cling to his arm for balance.
"Have you considered that maybe a polite man isn't as scheming as you think he is?"
You curl your lips. "Stop using big sentences. I hate that I barely know you, and I know everyone."
Jaehyun purses his lips. "You just enjoy the power that comes with figuring people out. Don't you?"
"Whatever you say. I want life to be a nice and smooth ride but then again, I can't even face my soulmate." You let out an airy laugh. "I didn't really need one though."
Jaehyun laughs in disbelief. "You look like you're dying of loneliness."
"Ooh, that's a big claim, Yoonoh."
"You say I keep to myself but what about you? You like hiding, don't you?"
You laugh. "Is this the part where I say we're nothing alike?"
He purses his lips, shaking his head in dismissal. He's just tired of chit-chat with someone who smells like she robbed a liquor store in Itaewon.
“You must think I’m some sort of selfish, vapid, work-obsessed overachiever,” you continue, tilting your head with a blank look in your eyes.
“Well, not exac—”
“But guess what? Your opinions are invalid, Jung Yoonoh. You’re just some chump from marketing. A very good-looking chump but still.”
Jaehyun swears under his breath as you fling your arms open in the same manner a speech-giving patriot fighting for freedom would. Unfortunately, the freedom struggle is private in this day and age, and you just smacked him in the nose instead.
You sigh deeply and he looks at you again, warily now as he holds his nose.
“You’re not exactly wrong either. I’m so empty. Like a bottle of soju with no soju. Could you bring me some?”
Jaehyun massages his temples and solidifies his resolve. He’s had enough stares from people on the sidewalk. With delicate concern, he holds you up with one arm around your waist, balancing your weight evenly so you can stand. Promptly, you bury your face into his neck and an embarrassing, high-pitched squeak evades the filter of his mouth. You’re just so adept at making his days (and nights) worse.
Jaehyun tries his best to carry you to the parking lot without any signs of struggle but good lord, are you uncooperative. Once he’s down lugging you to the passenger seat, he breathes out in relief at long last and makes sure you don’t fold in over yourself dozing off the seat. Getting you to sit up, he finds himself smiling the slightest bit at your smudged lipstick. Even like this, you’re quite pretty.
Realizing what thought came over him, he shakes his head vigorously as if he’s committing a horrible crime. He just has to get you home—Soojin had texted him the address prior to the outing just in case—and then he can go back to pretending whatever he even is supposed to.
The sports event is really just HR and Management trying to one-up the other in a more quantitative way. You’re not really fond of the sweat and heavy breathing that comes with physical exertion if it’s for the sake of competition. Competition is such a childish, masculine way of handling things, especially emotions.
HR is leading in wins, however and that means you have something to rub in Jaehyun’s face. You hate participating but you’re not allowed to opt out without a medical certificate. At least one competition, and you had to choose the three-legged race. All these potential partners, and Dongmin had to choose you.
“I’ll win,” you tell Jaehyun, stopping by him once you exit the changing room. The indoor stadium is usually a recreational facility for senior employees but on sports day, it’s closer to a gladiator arena. The seats are green and occupied by grinning employees, most of them glad for a day off but also upset they don’t get to attend their personal affairs in it.
Jaehyun stops himself from rolling his eyes. “Shouldn’t it be a ‘we’? You need a partner. Oh, are you sad you can’t pick me?”
“Not at all.” You cross your arms, annoyed at his mock pity.
Right then, Dongmin jogs up to you in a blue tracksuit. His hair sticks to his forehead because unlike you, he takes sports very seriously. Jaehyun, on the other hand, just seems to enjoy the competition. As a guilty pleasure, you’d like to see the two of them compete one day. That would be a competition worth betting on.
“I’ll have to borrow your soulmate.” Dongmin laughs. “The race is starting.”
Life strikes again with its poorly timed irony.
“Don’t mind me,” Jaehyun says politely.
The race is easier than you thought it would be considering most of the other employees struggle with teamwork. You’re the HR team for a reason. But then again, you feel a certain hollowness pervade you while you’re pressed to Dongmin’s side. Wouldn’t it be nice?
All you can think is that Dongmin and you are perfectly in sync. The realization comes off as sad despite your victory and the wide grins on both of your faces.
Jaehyun purses his lips and gives the two of you a nonchalant look. He’s avoided getting caught in the changing room quite well. For some reason, he’s glad that you’re winning but also dissatisfied about it. He would certainly feel different if he were participating in that race, wouldn’t he? He would win. Losing a competition is a huge blow to his ego. Lately, he seems to be losing a lot of races. The two of you have been growing closer and he doesn’t mind late night discussions about flawed systems and childhood memories; but the fact that you’re growing on him is something for him to be on edge about. He’s never felt so close to someone, and still so far.
“Oh, they have good chemistry, don’t they?” Doyoung comments beside Jaehyun, before taking a sip from his bottle.
“What chemistry?” Jaehyun snaps and Doyoung almost chokes on the water.
“Chill out, man.” Doyoung eyes Jaehyun’s figure in concern. “She’s like officially yours.”
Jaehyun refuses in a series of sputtering responses. “That’s not what I meant. I’m not jealous. I’m not that kind of man.”
“I didn’t paint you as that kind of man either,” Doyoung mutters before speaking up. “But love, Jaehyun. Love’s a weird thing.”
Jaehyunn ignores his comment and walks down to the grounds, jogging up to you. He immediately forgets to say anything at all. Smooth move, Yoonoh.
You just stick out your tongue at him subtly.
“I told you we’d win,” you say.
Jaehyun crosses his arms. “Congratulations. I thought you, quote, hate this stupid competition for dunces.”
You clear your throat and Dongmin laughs beside you. Before he can offer his bottle, Jaehyun offers his own in a rush. You raise an eyebrow but don’t question it.
“You guys really are a perfect pair.” Dongmin laughs. “Sometimes I wish Mijoo was my soulmate.”
You give him a pitiful smile. There go your happy feelings of victory.
“But I’m happy this way.” Dongmin nudges your shoulder with his. “Don’t give me that look.”
That is not the look he thinks you were giving. You smile.
“What about this? We can go on a double date! Those are fun, right?” Dongmin muses, crossing his arms.
“No,” you and Jaehyun refuse in a panic, and Dongmin blinks in confusion at the overwhelming response.
“I'm more of a homebody,” you explain.
“Yeah, me too,” Jaehyun agrees.
It makes Dongmin laugh aloud. “Oh, fate didn’t go wrong with the two of you.”
Your smile wavers. Did it go so wrong with you and Dongmin? Jaehyun’s hand brushes yours and you look at him. A perfect side profile and flushed hot cheeks with dimples to die for. You wouldn’t mind being in love with him. You don’t mind love much at all.
Shaking off the thought, you watch as Dongmin leaves the two of you to run to the changing rooms. Eyeing Jaehyun’s red team sweatshirt with “Management” in big typography over the chest, you look back up to his face.
“Why did you jog over here so desperately?” You wiggle your eyebrows. “Jealous?”
“Yes. I am irreparably in love with you.”
He leans in quickly and you flinch, making his dimples show up.
“Asshole,” you curse. “I’ll file you for harassment. Don’t do that again.”
“Isn’t it harassment when you feel me up while you draw—” Jaehyun leans in to whisper. “—the soulmark?”
“I would never have my hands near your greasy existence if I could,” you huff, scandalized.
But the thing is, Jaehyun is getting better at this game of flustering each other and you don’t like it one bit.
“Hey, you know Dongmin’s girlfriend?” he asks suddenly.
You nod. “Kind of. I’ve seen her pictures on Instagram.”
Jaehyun pauses before humming in realization.
You cough. “Not that I was stalking them or something. Obviously.”
Jaehyun gives you a knowing smile but doesn’t question anything, much to your aggravation. It would’ve been better if you had a chance to prove you weren’t stalking them but then again, that is exactly what you were doing.
“Well, we went to the same college. Same major too.”
“Are you serious? Wait, how do you know? Does this mean you stalked their Instagram too?”
“Too?”
“Shut up.”
There’s a beat of silence.
“She’s not exactly the evil homewrecker type,” he says.
“I know that,” you snap. If anything, you feel like the evil homewrecker even if Dongmin’s supposed to be your soulmate.
They’re so reckless. Jaehyun was right—you do blame them in a way. They don’t care who they trample under their nauseating parade of romance. But then again, that parade is better than a personal rejection.
“I’m just saying… don't hold it against them.”
“I don’t remember asking for advice, Jung Yoonoh.”
Jaehyun shrugs, dropping the issue. The preparations for the next race is starting and it has something to do with passing balls from basket to basket—you get bored already when you see Doyoung stretch before shaking hands with Taeyong.
“Wanna get ice-cream? We funded the food truck this year.” Jaehyun looks expectantly at you.
“Sure.”
You contemplate holding his hand for a moment but let that thought bury itself. You don’t have to pretend right now.
Much to your despair (or delight) however, Jaehyun takes your hand absentmindedly as he walks towards the exit. It’s not that you’ve never held hands before, it’s just that Jaehyun’s skin is soft against yours.
“I can’t believe you and Mijoo were in the same course.”
It seems she’s ahead of you in every direction you look to tread on. Of course, you will not be telling Jaehyun that. You don’t exactly feel jealousy—can’t feel jealousy when your life is perfect as it is. And for Jaehyun? You hate to admit it but you’d trade places with Mijoo any day.
“Well, she didn’t really like socializing back then so I didn’t know we were in the same program either.”
You chuckle, glancing down at your intertwined fingers despite your best efforts. It feels nice like this. It feels nice to be wanted by someone—even if it’s a lie.
“Do you think- Do you think they’re brave?” You ask. “They didn’t even hesitate to disregard the system.”
“I think people in love are always brave.”
You hum, looking down at your feet. All the more reason the system fucked up. You were never even supposed to be partnered up. You’re not brave—the face you put on is. The idea of love seems to get further and further away from you.
Just then, Jaehyun tugs at your hand, walking slightly faster and making you complain as you jog to catch up with his long strides. The food truck is fairly large, on the street outside to the stadium entrance. February is catching up with its heat and you curse at global warming for this hot winter day.
“You can take up to five scoops of different flavours,” he informs you, grinning sheepishly. “I guess the cups aren’t large enough for beyond that.”
“I didn’t know you were this passionate about ice-cream,” you say.
“Sicheng rubbed off on me.”
You laugh. IT must have given Sicheng enough stress to develop a sweet tooth. You love the HR Department when you look at the others in your company.
Jaehyun has a nice smile. You don’t know why you think that but you do and now you can’t focus on anything apart from the pink dust sprinkled over his cheeks and the handsome dimples that accompany. You don’t want to stare but clearly, Jaehyun must have been blessed by some divide being if not for fate. Maybe he’s a mess up like you. As far as you know, his soulmate doesn’t exist. That little red heart is so simple that none of the soulmate designs match it.
A rather repulsing part of you is happy about it. You like the feel of Jaehyun’s hands. You like the way he looks at you. You wouldn’t mind it if he were yours.
Jaehyun’s house is as cosy as his mother makes you feel. It’s been a while since you’ve been home and if you were perhaps less emotionally constipated, you would have tears welling up in your eyes. There’s quite a few relatives too but then again, every Asian family jumps at the chance to celebrate something as mediocre as engagements and marriage and soulmate findings. Apparently, hormones are perfectly fine to them once you’re not teenagers anymore.
This isn’t so bad. What was so scary about meeting parents again? Jaehyun’s dad did challenge you with a questionnaire but lucky for you, you know exactly how interviews work. You’ve got enough information on Jaehyun from the man himself for this visit. The briefing he gave you was boring though; you already know what you need to know about Jaehyun.
You sit at the table, while most of the other guests work in the kitchen. Jaehyun’s mother asks you questions about your life, friendly and welcoming in every way possible. Mothers are truly god-sent. You wonder how she produced someone as far from divine as Jaehyun. (Except in looks, perhaps.)
You say that out loud and get a sharp quip from Jaehyun, his mother’s eyes lighting up at your childish interaction.
“Oh my, fate is never wrong!” She remarks with a wide smile. “I’ve never seen Jaehyun open up so much with anyone before. He was such a shy boy in school, you know? All the girls would send letters and confessions and he would just turn red in the face.”
“Mom.” He smiles all too sweet at her but you can see the panic in his eyes.
She rolls her eyes before turning to you. “Darling, you have no idea how proud I feel to see him this at ease. I was honestly getting tired of all the ‘your son is so polite and well-mannered’ comments. Some bickering ought to do him good.”
“Mom,” he repeats, straightening. “I think auntie needs some help setting up the table.”
“Don’t shoo me away yet. I have to tell (name) about the time you were elected class representative in middle school. And all those sports and acting awards.”
“You don’t have to advertise me, Mom,” he says, dropping his face into his hands to rub at his eyes, already growing tired. “I’m already- I’m already hers.”
His mother coos and apart from the expected deep red flush on Jaehyun’s skin, you find yourself feeling hot in the face too. Jaehyun’s aunt calls for his mother right then and you watch as she makes her way to the kitchen entrance, the two women glancing at you and giggling to each other over some shared words.
Jaehyun takes the opportunity to grab your hand and walk away to a more obscure part of the house upstairs. With significantly less relatives, it should be a good hiding spot unless discovered by his giggling cousins that he refuses to introduce you to.
“Aw, what a shy baby,” you coo, smiling at the thought of a younger, easily-flustered Jaehyun.
His ears are bright red and you think that he’s still easily flustered. He just doesn’t show it much anymore—there’s only one dead giveaway.
“Forget everything my mom said,” he instructs. “It’s not important information.”
“Oh, no, darling. Your mother is a gold mine of vital information. You know what? I’m going to go chat her up right now. I’m sure you were quite the teenage dream I should know about.”
Jaehyun grips your wrist before you can escape, pulling your closer.
“Don’t.”
You don’t know if it’s the proximity or the fact that there are most definitely a few family members that could walk in right now—but you find yourself embarrassed as you look at his face. It’s very pleasant, handsome even, and the strands of his hair look irresistibly soft from this distance. You reach your hand out and brush the hair out of his eyes, almost instinctively.
“You have nice eyes, Jaehyun,” you say out loud, not sure why. He doesn’t fluster this time but it makes you all the more aware of your nearness.
Your eyes glance at the bottom of the staircase to see a little girl, around nine, hiding from behind the wall that separates the dining room and the kitchen. You return your gaze to Jaehyun with a smirk.
"We should kiss right now. Your little cousin's watching."
Jaehyun looks mildly disgusted. "Why would I want to kiss you in front of my cousin?"
You roll your eyes. “You don't get it, do you? The fastest way to convince a family is through rumours.”
Jaehyun raises an eyebrow. "So?"
"Oh my god, you're an idiot. Nosy cousins are the most effective way to spread rumours."
"Ah." Jaehyun looks enlightened enough for you to continue.
"Okay, but first you need to have these mints." You take out the emergency mints from your purse.
"What? I don't need mints. I have nice smelling breath.”
"Everyone needs mints, Jaehyun. Especially men."
Jaehyun sighs heavily. You take the opportunity to grab his wrist and pull him into a corner.
"Have this mint or else."
You hold his face between your thumb and forefingers, cheeks squishing under the pressure as you force a mint in. He lets you do it for some reason, looking lost as he gazes at you.
You raise an eyebrow. "Oh my, you're enjoying this. Pervert."
"Wha—what? You have to stop thinking you're hot shit, oh my god. I just got distracted for a bit."
"By me, right?"
"No! I just zoned ou—you're enjoying this."
You bite down your smile but a giggle escapes you anyway. Jaehyun rolls his eyes though he smiles, looking far too close to irresistible when his dimples show.
"You can't keep teasing me," he says, voice low.
"I've been doing it for two years. I'm pretty sure I can do it for at least two more."
Jaehyun scoffs, laughing at your statement. "You know what? I'm going to get back at you from now on. I've been so lenient."
You snort before pressing the back of your fingers to your nose. "You? You're going to get back at me? You’re good at lip service, Jaehyun."
“Huh. You might be right about that.”
There's a beat of silence and you look at him expectantly. In the next beat of your heart (or lack thereof), he cups your cheeks and presses his lips to yours, surprising the life out of you as your back hits the wall. It's not just a touch either, his mouth moves over yours and when your knees feel weak, you reluctantly admit that the rumour about Jung Yoonoh being a good kisser is true. Maybe his body count isn't a lower-end single digit after all.
He pulls apart with a short smile tugging at his lips. "Satisfied?"
You sputter out a response before clearing your throat. “I- I don’t think anyone really saw us in this corner.”
Jaehyun makes a low humming sound. “Or you could just say you want me to kiss you again? I know I’m a good kisser.”
“Fuck off.” You punch his chest, eliciting a quiet grunt from him.
You move away from him, peeking from behind the wall. Oh, she saw it alright. The giggling gives it away and the fact that a few more younger cousins have gathered. This is ridiculous. The fact that you wouldn’t mind more is even worse.
You turn back to Jaehyun with steel-set eyes. “No more kissing. Ever. Never again. Kissing is officially banned.”
Jaehyun looks perplexed. “I thought that was a good kiss. Did you not enjoy it? What do you mean no kissing?”
“And I take it back.” The heat on your face is still burning steadily.
“Oh, I see. You liked it so much that you’re embarrassed.”
“You’re such a pain in the ass.”
“So I’m right?”
You roll your eyes and quickly walk down the stairs, a few words of complaint left hanging in the air as Jaehyun follows behind, stumbling over the steps.
Jaehyun likes how comfortable this is. He doesn’t mind glaring daggers at each other but this is fun too. It’s like he doesn’t have to be careful about the lines he might be crossing—there aren’t any damn lines at all. He can’t call it love, at least not by definition, but something is there. Something that is solid enough and heavy enough. Something he would be ready to hold on to.
You laugh at a joke Jaehyun’s dad makes. A family is the only place to feel at home. It might not be yours but maybe at the end of the night, you can convince them to disown Jaehyun and adopt you as their child instead. His cousins seem to be interested in the same things you were as a high schooler and it surprised you. Your job lets you advise the older cousins in a fairly friendly fashion. The little ones seem to like your dress and you find them far too adorable with their pink cheeks and dimples, much like Jaehyun’s. Speaking of which, he definitely got them from his dad. You look around and wonder how Jaehyun has so many female cousins and not an inkling about how women work.
It doesn’t hurt anymore that Dongmin discarded you so recklessly.
He’s wrong. Jaehyun’s wrong. It doesn’t hurt—didn’t hurt right now at the very least. When Jaehyun kissed you, you didn’t think of Dongmin or his girlfriend or anyone else. You thought that Jaehyun’s skin is somehow always the right temperature.
You shake your head. Jaehyun drives your getaway car and you shouldn’t get too comfortable in its worn-out leather seats. This shouldn’t be any different to you; you aren’t supposed to find love in every corner. This was all a survival instinct.
The more stories Jaehyun’s mother shares with you over dinner, the more you find it comfortable to be here. You don’t feel this welcome in your own apartment (although, there isn’t exactly anyone else living there but you and the goddamn pigeon that wakes you up at six in the morning). The more the night progresses, the more you want to believe in this lie. Jaehyun glances at you from time to time, his gaze neither uncomfortable nor harsh and you smile at him when he does. Right now, there is no loneliness and the air is warm and smells of freshly cooked food; the way familial love works is such a mystery. You feel content.
“Why are we doing this again?” you lean in and ask Jaehyun, eyes focused on the TV as he tries to fix it.
“Because I need to get out of work, and fulfilled soulmates get a day off on Valentine’s day.”
You nod. “Your apartment kind of stinks. I feel sorry for Sicheng.”
“This is clean,” he defends, pointing at the lack of any visible mess in his room. His work table, however, has too many items scattered over it to be called neat. There’s a fairly large TV attached to the wall and you’re a little jealous about it. You only ever watch shows on your (quite beloved albeit small) laptop. The blinds aren’t fully closed, the evening city lights trying their best to pry their pervasive fingers in and add something more to the peach hue of Jaehyun’s room.
The doorbell rings just in estimated time for food delivery, a sigh leaving your mouth along with a ‘finally’. His place is strangely comfortable and much less of the war zone that you expected. There’s no reason to feel awkward, really, or even the bubbling in your stomach. You’re not seventeen, in your crush’s house. Jaehyun isn’t even someone you like that way.
It’s just two friends hanging out and watching a movie and doing other friendly activities. Two friends hanging out on Valentine's day. Two friends who have kissed more than once.
What do lovers do anyway?
This thing with Jaehyun has turned into clandestine smiles at the office building, subtle texts of ‘did you eat?’ and ‘good morning, idiot’, racing hearts at brushing hands on the occasional off-work hangouts (you refuse to call them “dates”) and overall, a lot more pink hearts floating over his head when you see him. It’s positively appalling.
You don’t mind it one bit.
“Happy Valentine’s Day!” The delivery man wishes as he leaves and you feel a sudden rage bubble up in you.
“Ah, does he think every couple celebrates Valentine’s day? And just because we’re in the same apartment means we’re a couple? Wow.” You cross your arms, scoffing. “Who’s he to wish me?”
“Why… Why are you getting mad?” Jaehyun asks quietly, slightly confused.
You glare at him, your anger not quite dissipated and walk back into his room, placing the box of confectionaries on the bedside table with a loud thud. Jaehyun follows, placing the drinks rather clumsily beside it. He gives you one last look of concern before settling down on his bed.
You let out another huff of complaint.
"Does everything have to be heart-shaped?"
You stare at the nauseating display of baked goods delivered in a pretty heart-shaped box. The brownie is in a clear plastic box that has a tiny bouquet of hearts atop it, the coffee cups have heart stickers around the rim, and the pastry itself is heart-shaped or rather, two halves of a heart. One of them is strawberry pink and the other chocolate brown.
“You seem… suddenly fired up,” Jaehyun comments quietly.
You don’t really care if you look crazy to him right now; he’s already seen the worse parts of you. You’re just so annoyed at all this red and pink that was delivered. Aren’t cafes supposed to stick with that beige-cream palette?
While you contemplate, Jaehyun tears the little sugar packet and attempts to open the lid of the cup at the same time, your blood pressure rising at the sight because you were half sure he’d spill the drink. After much difficulty, he shakes the packet trying to get just enough sugar but of course, like the clumsy oaf he is, he misses almost entirely, spilling sugar over his coffee table. It’s oddly endearing but that’s a thought you’ll keep to yourself.
He turns to you with a sheepish grin and you give him a look of distaste.
“You are a sorry excuse of a person, Jaehyun.”
“Look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn’t mess this up.”
You turn to look him in the eyes, the honey shade alluring under warm apartment lights. They really are pretty.
“I, and every other sane human being, would not mess up adding sugar to a cup of coffee.”
“You faltered for a moment there.”
That was not the reason you faltered. You roll your eyes and look away, taking a sip of your drink and sighing at the taste.
“How do you even like Americanos? Don’t you like a bit of cream and sweetness?”
“I don’t really care for bitterness,” he answers.
“Wow, you must be a masochist.”
“And it’s quite obvious you’re a sadist.”
You snicker. “That makes us quite the pair.”
“I would like that sentence in a non-BDSM context, thank you.”
Jaehyun turns on the TV and the Netflix logo animation pops up. You raise an eyebrow at his ‘Continue Watching’ list, eyeing Bridegerton and Sweet Home, and wondering if he could be any more of an enigma. You can’t possibly figure him out at this point. You groan when he picks a title.
“Ugh. Do we have to watch a romantic comedy?”
“What? They’re funny. And I thought you liked those 2000’s movies.”
You believed in unicorns and sock goblins and love back then too. These days, you hate to see other people in love, especially when it’s fake. The movies you loved are now the movies you hate. The couples you eyed with delight at parks and cafes are now the bane of your existence. In fact, you’d go as far as to say that you enjoy the digital fireworks from a couple having a massive online breakup. Things falling apart are entertaining when it’s not happening to you.
You purse your lips. Can't you see other people happy without wanting to tear it down for yourself?
“Fine. But I’ll pick the 2000’s romcom.”
Jaehyun shrugs and hands over the remote. You see Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds on the poster and click on it immediately. The Proposal has a good enough comedy to romance ratio, in your opinion.
“I’m kind of surprised you came,” he says quietly.
“Why?” You raise an eyebrow. “Is it because of the suggestive nature of visiting someone’s apartment on Valentine’s day? Did you think we’d be doing something… more fun?”
You lean in and bat your eyelashes suggestively, although you’re clearly joking.
“I think you should know better than to get mouthy with me,” he answers as he leans in further, making your heartbeat hike at the proximity. Maybe he’s figured you out. Wouldn’t it be so nice to figure each other out at the same time—like puzzle pieces fitting together?
You move away from him. “Well, it’s not like I can go anywhere else. And I didn’t want to stay in my own apartment.”
“Maybe you enjoy my company?”
“Look, I would be sipping my coffee at a perfectly aesthetic cafe if it weren’t Valentine’s day.”
He raises an eyebrow at your nonsensical declaration and you sigh, trying to explain yourself.
“Cafes just terrorize the single folk on Valentine’s day. You should always go with Netflix,” you say.
“And chill?”
“Do you even know what that means?”
“As I’ve told you so many times, I am not stupid.”
You inhale, an idea presenting itself.
“Hey, since we’re technically a couple, shouldn’t you be sharing your Netflix password with me?” you ask, pressing your lips into your cutest smile.
“No.”
“You’re so stingy,” you mutter. It was worth a shot.
Jaehyun laughs, your hand reaching out to poke his dimples but you stop yourself. You weren’t supposed to get this comfortable. This wasn’t your place to be. Lost in thought, the moving screen leaves you unfazed and you can’t look at him anymore. However, Jaehyun reaches out right then and wipes at the space beside your lips, your focus lifting from the beginning scenes of The Proposal and latching onto Jaehyun’s lips.
There’s a pause, your head clearing itself of thoughts when you make eye contact with him. Soft hair, doe eyes, full lips and dimples—he’s so damn attractive, it hurts your existence. Does he have to be this close to you? You have mixed feelings about that look in his eyes.
“Can I kiss you?” he whispers suddenly.
“Yes,” you answer.
If you look from a rational point of view, you should not have said that. You should have said anything but that. But you don’t want to think right now. Jaehyun’s touch is warm over your skin as his hand rests under your jaw and the other on your waist.
You should not have said that. But you feel loved.
Somewhere along, you find yourself parting only to kiss again, the feeling of skin so delightful in a way you’ve never experienced. Your shirt hikes up and you see Jaehyun eye the little heart with the arrow—the sign you so despised with a gentle smile.
“It’s pretty,” he whispers.
It’s pretty but it isn’t his. He doesn’t have to look at you like that—he’s come a long way from nervous glances and now he’s the one making you nervous. Just say it isn’t love and it will be alright.
You part, sobering up for a moment and you disentangle your limbs to sit at the side of his bed.
“What’s- What’s wrong?” Jaehyun whispers.
You exhale.
“All my life, I wait and when it comes, it’s all wrong,” you say, staring at your lap. Self-pity is the most disgusting kind of pity to feel. You’re past crying at things like this. You’re past crying for an ounce of romance, every time you listen to a love song on the radio or look at an Instagram post of a couple or pass by lovers on the sidewalk content with each other. You don’t even have cats to return home to. Modern loneliness is wearing you down but you can’t believe in fairytales anymore.
He scoffs, smiling bitterly. “I don’t even know if this is worth losing my dignity over.”
“Jaehyun—”
“We can’t pretend anymore—I can’t pretend anymore,” Jaehyun exhales. “I want you enough to forget the system. Give me an answer. Please.”
You don’t mind forgetting the system right now. Jaehyun’s lips are always the right temperature; the warmth of his body seeps through his shirt as you press yourself to him in a hug. He’s perfect and right now, you want to believe he’s perfect for you—even if he isn’t, you want to believe it into existence.
You cup Jaehyun’s cheeks, unsaid emotion in his doe eyes, and kiss him. This time, you mean it with every ounce of your being. There’s no more flustering each other, just the hot flush of intimacy when you feel skin that doesn’t burn you. It’s just the right feeling. There’s no way this can be wrong.
Aren’t you getting ahead of yourself? You wish the voice would pipe down. It’s a coward, fearing fate just as everyone else does. But you are better than that, and this feeling is too enjoyable to let go. You don’t want this to fade.
Just then, Dongmin’s face comes to mind and you think that maybe if you kiss someone else with all you have, you don’t have to think of your shortcomings ever again.
Jaehyun pulls apart and you miss the warmth.
“You’re not… You’re not thinking of me, are you?” he asks.
You don’t answer, even if the silence is overwhelming.
“I’d rather not have you close your eyes and think of someone else when I’m in front of you.”
“I’m sorry” is all you can say.
“You can at least pretend to love me.” His voice is a hoarse whisper. “Could. It’s not like this was ever supposed to work out.”
You gulp, looking away. “Jaehyun, come on. That’s not like you. We were- we were just… having fun.”
He takes a deep breath. “It hurts to not be wanted by someone you want. You know that. So why are you doing this to me?”
Because misery likes company.
“I’m sorry.”
It seems the phrase you barely uttered when you were younger is tumbling out of your lips in a mixture of grief and pity. Perhaps it’s karma. Perhaps it’s fate. Perhaps it’s just the consequences of your mistakes.
Jaehyun parts his lips, a sigh departing. He leans in again, pushing away all of his thoughts. A little more hurt won't kill him tonight. How and when did you bring him down to his knees?
However, he's stopped by your hands against his shoulders, his lips hovering over yours.
"Let's stop," you say. "You're right."
"Isn't this what you wanted?"
“I don’t- I don’t know. I don’t know anymore.”
You wish you could be brave enough to burn the instruction pamphlet from destiny. But right now, you need to get away from Jaehyun, away from any more misery business.
“I’ll get going,” you say, gathering your stuff.
Jaehyun hesitates but doesn’t stop you. He would never stop you, can’t stop so how could he even dream of stopping fate? This can never work out. It felt right in the moment but you don’t know anything more than that. You can’t close your eyes and pray everything disappears. No one else will solve your problems for you, you know that.
It’s time you start fixing the mess you made. You leave with a polite goodbye and hear a loud sigh behind you once the door is closed. Blinking away the urge to walk back in, you take long and quick strides to the elevator. You’re going to fix this.
Maybe if Lady Gaga’s ‘Poker Face’ wasn’t blasting at full volume at this stupid office party, you could be thinking a little straighter.
He was right. You can’t pretend anymore. There were thousands of ways this could have gone better. You didn’t have to pretend to be soulmates when you’re not. You could’ve discarded your belief in the whole system like Dongmin and Mijoo and dated someone out of spite. You didn’t have to drag Jaehyun into your sorry mess. You need to take out the nail you hammered into your own foot.
It’s the first time you’ve visited the rooftop restaurant from the company’s subsidiary chain of high-end restaurants but you imagined it would be bigger. It’s the news’ fault for making this place seem like a football field. However, you might be feeling that way because the distance between you and Jaehyun is suffocatingly small as is the distance with Dongmin. You don’t need to see Jaehyun tonight.
You don’t intend to make your confession a public affair and you certainly don’t believe in tack things like atonement. However, improvement begins with a step in the right direction. Maybe you’ll be a better person after this. Maybe you’ll still be as annoying and pushy as ever. You need to get it off your chest so you can proceed with the already tedious journey that comes with a soulmate rejection. You wonder why there’s so many man-made laws about soulmates when fate has made it complicated enough as it is. Love is the same as legalese when it comes to this system.
You flit about the crowds, smiling and greeting people and swerving away from Jaehyun every time he tries to approach you. You’re trying to make a good decision for once. He better not intrude. You’re wearing pink too, for the first time in a while: a satin shirt, pants and blazer set in dull pink.
“Dongmin,” you say, pulling him by the sleeve of his blue tux, and away from the rest of the HR team. “I have to show you something.”
“Hm? Show me?” He blinks at you.
You get him to follow you to the inside the premises, stopping when you’re far into a
“Uh?” Dongmin looks around before leaning in to whisper. “You’re not plotting to murder me, are you?”
You blink, and he laughs at you incredulously. “Why are you so serious?”
“I was lying,” you rush. “With Jaehyun. He’s not my soulmate. You are.”
Dongmin blinks in confusion. “Are… you joking? That was a weird joke but it could pass as funny—”
“Dongmin.”
You pull out your shirt from your pants, exposing the tattoo on your hip. It’s the little arrowed heart that has been plaguing you for years but now when you look at it, you feel no animosity. After all, it’s been through the same things you have.
Dongmin’s face falls into stunned silence, eyes fixated on your waist.
“That’s- That’s my—what is this?”
Russian roulette is certainly not the same without a gun.
“I lied, Dongmin,” you answer, fixing your shirt back in. “I was so afraid of your rejection that I made an even larger fool of myself.”
His initial shock seems to have partly subsided.
“You… Why didn’t you tell me?” He looks momentarily hurt.
“You have Mijoo, Dongmin. I can’t ruin something like that.”
A love that doesn’t need fate to fix it.
Dongmin glances away in guilt and sighs, though the sound is croaky. This must be more than what he can take.
“I’m sorry,” he says, haltingly. “I hurt you, didn’t I? When I thought I was being brave, I hurt you instead.”
You smile bitterly. “We all hurt someone, Dongmin. I still have to fix that one for myself.”
He scans your face, lips trembling slightly as unspoken words die on them.
“We’ll tend to the legal stuff later, hm? No compensation. We can file a mutual rejection.”
“But—”
“Shh. I’m happy enough as coworkers and I get paid more than enough for this job. Might get a promotion soon too.”
You wink at him with an added finger gun, trying to play it cool. Despite everything, a weight feels lifted from your shoulders. Now that you are truly alone, you might as well embrace this growing loneliness crawling under your skin. Discomfort could be something you can get used to.
When you get back to the warmly lit rooftop, the HR team looks at you curiously. You have the most self-destructive thought you’ve had in a while and tell yourself, you might as well if you've come this far. This is it. This is your social death. Honesty is the best policy, unfortunately.
“Dongmin and I have the same soulmate mark,” you announce. “We’re soulmates but we’ll sign a mutual rejection.”
Doyoung looks almost like he’ll faint and Soojin’s mouth is so wide open, you could practice throwing some mini basketballs in. This is your team—almost a second family, and it’s time you stop trying to hide yourself or disguise your feelings as something they’re not. They’ll get over it, as will you.
“J-Jaehyun?” Soojin looks to your side and you turn to find Jaehyun frowning.
“You could’ve discussed this with me,” he says, an odd sound of relief in his laugh.
It hurts to look at him but you muster up your strength.
“I’m sorry,” you say, facing him. “I didn’t want to drag you into this hell with me.”
Into this loveless hell made for you.
“(name).”
It’s so painfully quiet in this corner; there are so many eyes on you and only the hurt taking shape in Jaehyun’s eyes knock some sense into you.
“I’ll leave first,” you say, bowing as you take your leave.
You brisk up your pace and exit the venue as quickly as you can and into the building corridor.
Unfortunately for you, you recognize the pair of footsteps that follow you—both of them having their timings wrong. Boys don’t chase after the girl when she’s walking away. Boys should leave a girl alone when she feels like she’s about to cry.
You turn to face two men and groan internally. This is the worst possible situation—you’d rather crawl into a hole than look at either of them. The corporate light shines harshly on either of their faces but the look on them is so earnest, you want to close your eyes and scream. You don’t mind being alone. You were overstepping when you wished you weren’t.
“(name),” Dongmin starts. “I’m sorry it turned out this way. If you’d told me, we could have talked this out.”
A light scoff leaves Jaehyun and Dongmin purses his lips. It’s kind of funny watching both of their tall frames in hesitant postures and you cross your arms. You’re going to deal with this quickly like you always should have. If you’re dealing with fate, you need to have a clear head—and fortune doesn’t favour fools. Being with Jaehyun was nice but he is not yours. Dongmin may have been assigned to you but you’d rather not ruin someone’s relationship.
“What would we have talked about?” you ask. “Compensation charges? Apologies?”
You see a hint of positivity on Jaehyun’s face and turn to face him, frowning.
“And you. Don’t look so smug. You’re the reason I realized this crap. It hurts. Like hell.”
He opens his mouth but no words come when he’s far too taken aback. He can’t offer consolation now, not after everything. You knew this would happen. You would undoubtedly end up wishing you didn’t fall in love with him on the day you leave.
“(name). Listen to me,” Dongmin calls again, voice gentle.
Jaehyun sighs. “We’re both fucking this up, dude.”
Dongmin takes a sharp breath.
“You know, soulmates can be platonic,” he reasons, looking only at you. “People are made for each other differently and maybe you and I—”
“You’re just making her feel worse,” Jaehyun cuts him off.
“How do you know that?” Dongmin asks, finally turning to him. “Because you’ve spent a month or two with her? I’m her soulmate.”
“I think a month or two is much better than a stranger with the same damn birthmark.”
“Oh come on,” Dongmin scoffs. “The system exists for a reason.”
“I don’t give a shit about the system. The same as your girlfriend—oh, sorry, did you forget about her already?”
“It’s not like that.” Dongmin quietens. “We’ll figure something out.”
You pinch the bridge of your nose. They’re worse than you are—honestly, you don’t know what you expected from the timid emotional maturity of men. Both of their polite facades have melted and you’re starting to miss their sweet-tempered work demeanour.
“Come with me,” Dongmin tells you.
He wraps his hand around your wrist and tugs, Jaehyun visibly tensing up at the gesture. He presses his tongue against his cheek in annoyance but refrains from doing anything rash. You feel sorry when you look at him.
“Dongmin,” you whisper. “Can we- can we have a moment?”
Dongmin nods in understanding and exits the hallway to cool off with a few splashes of water in the washroom.
“Would you go with him?” Jaehyun asks, jaw clenched. “An acquaintance as most? Are you willing to run into the arms of fate that you hated so much?”
He looks bitter and you can’t think of a sugar-coated response. You’ll just have to tell him how you feel.
“I need to sort things out, Jaehyun. This—”
You point from him to yourself.
“Couldn’t work out thanks to fate. Dongmin and I will never work out because he’s braver than I am. You know he’s doing all of that just so I don’t get hurt, right? He’s not suddenly in love with me.”
Jaehyun purses his lips, looking down to his feet. Is it so bad that he let jealousy get the best of his mouth? Envy isn’t so awful. He looks from your eyes to lips and wishes he were young enough to believe in fairytales.
“You don’t have to be brave,” he whispers. “You don’t have to be so brave to fall in love. You don’t have to be brave to stay with me.”
“We tried, Jaehyun. And we can’t cheat fate. That, at the very least, requires bravery.”
You press your lips into a thin line. It hurts. It hurts so bad to look at him and face the consequences of this flawed design. It’s unfair. It’s unfair that you have to follow the rules even after trying your best to break them.
“You wish you never met me, don’t you?” you whisper. “I made a mess.”
Before he responds, you bow in a short goodbye and walk towards the elevator. There’s no footsteps behind you, no Prince Charming. It’s just you and your high heels clacking against the cold marble as you head back to an empty home. You always thought freedom would feel different, that distance would give you perspective. It just feels awful when no one is around you at all. When you have no one to pick up morning calls from, receive texts from asking if you ate, spend time in peace without uttering a single word—are you free or are you lonely?
The rules state that the two of you are different. It is true. You are as different as love in real life and love in the movies; and neither of them have happy endings now.
You wish you drank some more last night if you were going to embarrass yourself like that. Thankfully, it’s the weekend and you have two more days to figure out how to face your coworkers. You frown when you think of Jaehyun. Were you wrong to tell him that you simply couldn’t choose him? What if fate is right and it falls apart? You stir your morning coffee, the will to drink it fading slowly. It’s already fallen apart—and it wasn’t fate who did that, it was you. Should you have taken his stupidly warm hands and asked him to follow you? You don’t understand how it works at all.
Centuries of questioning what love is, poking and prodding at it like a lab sample, and there’s still no perfect answer. Love is blind. Love is cruel. Love is a fever. Love is temporary insanity. Love is acceptance. Love will set you free. There’s just too many variations. You can never tell if fate is meant to make it easier or worse.
No one questions you at the office and you're not sure if you’re glad or aggravated. Only Doyoung shoots you a pitiful look which you brush off and immediately get into work. Embarrassment is only real if you acknowledge it. However, every time Dongmin tries to talk to you, you ask for space and even alone in your thoughts, you don’t get it. They just have to drift to Jaehyun.
You wonder if what he said was true, that he wanted you enough to forget the system. It’s clearly ruined now. The spiral of thinking has you zoning out during work more often than not and even Doyoung ends up reprimanding you for your lack of focus. Sometimes you want to snap but other times, you’re just hopelessly reciting the events over and over in your head. This was supposed to happen, wasn’t it? You don’t even have the strength left in you to blame it all on Jaehyun.
You pace in the corridors after work, contemplating popping by the Marketing Department. What could go wrong? Sure, it was a little dramatic of you to leave like that but everything can be fixed, right? You groan. What you were supposed to be fixing, you made worse. Are your hands cursed or something? You shake your head, returning to your desk to gather your belongings and head home.
Unfortunately, the sight of Doyoung sitting in your chair alarms you and you stop a foot away.
“If you’re going to reprimand me for watching cat videos instead of checking the employee records, I can assure you my efficiency is still top-notch.”
“You’re—what? Never mind.” Doyoung shakes his head. “Can you give this ginseng pack to Jaehyun? I owe him.”
Oh no. You know where this is going.
“You know I’m going to keep that for myself, right?” You make a face. “I’d rather die than face Jaehyun right now.”
Doyoung shrugs. “Who knows? Maybe he’ll be the one running to you. This is in case of an emergency.”
You give him a fake smile and Doyoung shakes his head. “Good to see you’re still great at pretending to be fine.”
You sigh. “Thanks for looking out for me, bossman.”
Doyoung blinks, hand covering his mouth when an audible gasp leaves him. “Woah. I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you thank me. But don’t call me bossman ever again.”
“Noted,” you say, taking your bag and leaving with a short goodbye. You’re lucky he lets you off work early, even if you never took it. Employees usually can’t leave until their superiors does and if you were a senior employee, you’d be giving your juniors quite the hell.
You seem to be good at concocting hellscapes. Perhaps, you should look for job openings in the underworld. One last thought of Jaehyun exits your head and you take the bus home, admiring the city you live in and the warmth of people and their relationships. You don’t feel jealous; you just bask in them for the time—be it a mother and her son or two bickering sisters or a lovely old couple. That’s how it’s meant to be, then. That’s how love works.
Jaehyun smacks his head against the sofa armrest for the fifteenth time in a row.
“Dude. You’re going to permanently ruin the fabric.” Sicheng says, eyes trained on his laptop screen.
“I should’ve said something more.” Jaehyun’s voice is so zombie-like, he thinks he should cast himself in the Train to Busan sequel as an extra.
“I’m glad I’m not you,” Sicheng mutters.
“Can you give me some sort of consolation, at least?”
“That’s not what I’m your friend for.”
Jaehyun sighs and resumes smacking the back of his head against the armrest. He really needs to figure this out. After all, he can’t really Google the solution to this.
“One thing doesn’t make sense,” Sicheng says, finally looking up from his screen. “Why do you have the same mark as (name)’s if you’re not soulmates?”
“You’re so incredibly—but adorably—stupid, Sicheng. She drew it in with a permanent marker. She kissed me too! It was sudden and weird but I didn’t mind it.
“Yikes.” Sicheng makes a face. “So… you didn’t take a shower for how long now?”
Jaehyun furrows his eyebrows. “What?”
“The ink hasn’t washed off. I heard you singing in the shower yesterday, how could you not have washed that off? Ugh. Don’t tell me you miss her.”
Jaehyun’s eyes widen as he jumps up and rushes to the washroom. Looking into the mirror, the tattoo poking out from his T-shirt resembles yours a lot more than his. The arrow is still drawn in. Jaehyun’s shoulder slumps. He doesn’t know what he was expecting. Turning the tap and letting the water flow, he wets his hand and rubs at his collarbone to remove the arrow.
Except it doesn’t budge. His skin turns painfully red from the rubbing but the ink, which usually washes off in less than five minutes has no intention of leaving. Did you use a different brand of marker the last time? When was it anyway?
Jaehyun breathes out, firming his resolve. He needs to be with you.
Sicheng blinks in surprise as Jaehyun grabs his car keys, not even bothering to change from an all-black getup of a T-shirt and jeans like some emo teenager, and shuts the front door behind him. Not even a ‘goodbye, I’m leaving!’
Sicheng sighs. Love makes people crazy. He’s not falling into that trap when his soulmate literally doesn’t exist, the same as his soulmark. It seems the contestants in this game are full of exceptions.
You hit your head against your pillow. To visit Jaehyun or not to. You haven’t left your bed since you woke up around seven in the morning, and now it’s ten. Your bedsheets are a mess because you’ve rolled around too much on them (in despair, not with someone unfortunately).
You need the quiet sometimes to let your mind rest, to let your heart rest. You needed time. But maybe it’s been long enough and now you’re just searching for excuses to hold on to your last shred of dignity.
You lift your head up and glare at the box of ginseng on your table. Should you? You reluctantly get up, feeling a sting of pain in your back for lying in that awkward position for so long. Right when you’ve put on your slippers, the doorbell rings and you groan. How did the package you stress-ordered last night arrive so early? These deliveries are getting faster and faster.
You walk to the front door and open it thoughtlessly, freezing up at the sight. Your first reaction is to cover yourself. You’re not exactly your best-looking version at the moment. Jaehyun’s dark circles almost match yours but he’s better dressed than you are—in a black T-shirt and jeans while you’re wearing a Gudetama pajama set.
“We’re not just friends,” he blurts. “We’re not soulmates but we’re not just friends.”
“Huh? Oh my god, this is the most embarrassing I’ve looked.”
Jaehyun furrows his eyebrows in a question look.
“That’s not important! Look—”
He pushes you inside, closing the door behind him. His hair is so disheveled and messy, he barely even looks like the same well-maintained marketing employee you know.
Jaehyun tugs at his T-shirt, pulling down to reveal his tattoo—albeit with your marker-drawn arrow through it. He does have a pretty well-built chest, you note before chiding yourself for getting distracted.
You raise an eyebrow. “Do you, uh, need help scrubbing it off or something?”
“No.” Jaehyun lets out a huff of exasperation. “It won’t wash off. If it’s what I think it is—”
“Miracles don’t happen to people like us, Jaehyun,” you say quietly.
He gulps. “I don’t know about miracles but… I just needed an excuse to see you, I guess.”
You look up, a rose blush over Jaehyun’s bare face, and run your finger over the tattoo, sighing at the warmth of his skin. Your hand travels up to his cheek, resting atop it while you muster enough courage to look Jaehyun in his chocolate brown eyes.
You pull away. This isn’t the time. You still have an internal crisis to sort out. Are you even deserving of love? It makes much more sense if the answer is no.
However, Jaehyun pulls you in by the waist, his right palm warm against your cheek.
“I don’t care what anyone says.” He runs his thumb over your cheek in a painfully fond manner. “You’re worth more than the price I pay for this.”
He leans in and presses his lips to yours swiftly, your head clearing of thoughts almost immediately. It feels so right, you can feel the spark, the red thread around your skin, hear the bells. This kiss was far more perfect than it was supposed to be.
You part, gasping. Jaehyun blinks at you, breathing heavily.
“Kiss me again.”
Jaehyun does as told and you might just believe in miracles this way. With his hand around your waist and in your hair, his lips over yours and the low rumbling laughter that parts the two of you—you might just believe in miracles. You might just believe that love isn't something you deserve by earning.
“I like this,” Jaehyun comments. “I like the way this is.”
You press your finger to his lips. “I think you should shut up and kiss me some more.”
Jaehyun rolls his eyes. “I know you’re sexually repressed as of now, but that’s no reason to take advantage of me.”
You scowl, punching him on the shoulder and moving away from him.
“Come back,” he complains in a quiet voice.
“I am not going to do that.” You cross your arms.
“Come on,” he mutters, inching closer as you inch away, till your back hits the couch and you tumble backwards onto it, your legs on the headrest. Jaehyun laughs at your position, leaning in to keep his hands on either side of you, a doting look over him.
“Hey, did you know if I kicked my leg up, it would hit you in the balls?”
“Please don’t do that.”
You giggle, Jaehyun’s nose rubbing against yours in a bunny kiss.
“Is your place usually this much of a mess?” Jaehyun raises an eyebrow.
You sigh heavily. “I was having a bad day, okay? Or… a bad weekend.”
“Do you even have food?”
You look away, crossing your arms. Jaehyun sighs and shakes his head.
“We should go grocery shopping. How do you live like this?”
You scoff. “Oh, spare me the lecture. I’ve heard enough horror stories about your room from Sicheng. You can’t hide from me by sweeping your clothes and belongings into his room.”
“Snitch,” he mutters under his breath.
You can’t help the giggle that erupts from your mouth and you immediately cover it. Jaehyun smiles at you fondly and you look away, unable to bear that gaze of his.
“It really won’t wash off, by the way,” Jaehyun states, scratching at his collarbone.
You narrow your eyes, smacking his arms away to roll off the couch. Taking his wrist, you walk into your bathroom and turn the tap on. Something’s strange. But also strangely right.
“Look, I already tried—ow! Don’t rub that hard!”
You blink in confusion, trying again despite Jaehyun looking like his soul already left him. It doesn’t work. Your marker isn’t even that permanent. At least his regenerating skin cells should get rid of that arrow. Unless the ink was deep enough to pierce all the layers, as in a soulmark.
You gasp.
“You were right!”
“I told you s—”
"That's the point, isn't it?" you say, realization dawning as your eyes widen. "To see if people will question the system at all."
Jaehyun shrugs. “Maybe.”
"Oh, all those unhappy marriages that could have been saved," you say as you exhale.
Jaehyun chuckles lightly. "I think that the point was, people can be happy without their soulmates. It's whoever you make one out of. Or I Googled too many articles on anti-soulmate propaganda."
You smile, leaning in to press a kiss against his cheek. Watching his ears turn bright red is the cherry on top.
“Okay, fake-boyfriend-turned-real-soulmate.” You give him a cheeky smile. “Did you rethink your decision about sharing that Netflix password with me? I get the girlfriend free pass, right? Right?”
“I didn’t even share it with my mother.”
You whack his arm, him possibly used to it by now, judging from his lack of response.
“Idiot.” You cross your arms. “We can Netflix… and chill then. God, I can’t believe I said that.”
Jaehyun breaks into a chuckle. “You’re so pushy.”
“And you like being pushed around, nerd.”
“Who said that?”
Jaehyun wraps his arms around you, spinning you so that your back hits the door. He leans in to kiss you again and you smack your palm over his pouted lips. You laugh at his face, his eyes brimming with confusion.
“You’re in my apartment. I make the rules here. Think twice before you start a game with me, Mister.”
His shoulders droop. “Fine. Can you at least let me kiss you four times a day?”
“Five times, if you ask.”
He laughs before leaning in again. “Can I kiss you now?”
“Wasn’t it obvious?”
“You are one hell of a woman. Emphasis on hell.”
You laugh and grab his collar, pulling him in for the kiss that seals this deal.
You realize a few things in the moment: a) You don’t have to play roulette to find love, b) You don’t have to pick your poison to find love, and most importantly c) Love is right where you make something of it. Fate is still not in your good books but if it bends to you this way, you don’t mind at all. If Jaehyun kisses you like this every day, you don’t mind one bit.
#jaehyun x reader#jaehyun scenarios#jaehyun imagines#nct x reader#nct 127 x reader#cznnet#neowritingsnet#nct scenarios#nct 127 scenarios#nct imagines#nct 127 imagines#nct fluff#nct 127 fluff#jaehyun fluff#nct fic#jaehyun fic#jaehyun fanfic#nct fanfic#moonwrites#i know i said no more 20k+ fics but............ this is literally karma isnt it#anyway i hope there aren't any typos i proofread like once that's enough k#also this is queued bcs im going on vacation ! :D
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Dark Shenanigans - Nandor x (f)reader
Summary: It’s Nadja’s something hundredth birthday, with that said, you’re on a mission to make it great.
Warning: fluff, general vampire nonsense
Masterlist
“Yeah being a half vampire half human does have its perks. I mean for one I can do all that cool vampire shit and I can go out in the sunlight...so that helps for when they’re all being really annoying.” You admit with a casual shrug to one of the documentary cameras before turning to an isle of party supplies. “So anyways we’re at this store.”
The camera shifts to the multiple arras of supplies and materials at the local supermarket in Staten Island that you and your vampire lover’s human familiar, Guillermo, currently are. Specifically on the hunt for birthday decorations for Nadja and ghost Nadja who’s possessed a strange looking doll for the time being.
Since the other four actual full vampires can’t shop for themselves at this time of day or really in general, you and Guillermo have been given such an honorable task in making Nadja’s birthday the best one yet. Considering she’s the most well balanced in the head out of the four of them and is the only other lady of the manor.
“Hey Y/N, how’s this look?” Wonders Guillermo as he holds up a bunch of Mardi Gras beads of yellows, purples, and greens. “Comments, questions, concerns?” He adds with a small smile.
Eyeing up the beads, your head shifts over to the other various colors, “Hrmm, G I’m feeling the vibe you’re going for this year and I like it, but let’s go with Nadja colors.”
Guillermo’s dark eyes light up at your positive suggestion, “Right! So the red and black ones then?”
“Yup. She’ll love that shit.” You state with a satisfied nod of approval, “Let’s get some black and gold confetti from over there and oh, those masquerade masks look cool as fuck.”
You pick up and test out various masks in the background as Guillermo adds some bits of dialogue for the documentary crew, “Um yeah she’s really cool isn’t she.” He says with a smile while glancing at you then back to the camera, “Which is kind of odd since Y/N’s been with Nandor since 1793 so you’d think she’d be a little more like them but no, she’s super chill and really nice.” Suddenly his face goes a bit serious as he leans in to whisper, “But she did kill a whole street gang once when they threw a slur at me so I wouldn’t mess with her. For your safety.”
The camera pans back over to an oblivious you who’s put on a masquerade mask and is swinging a plastic light saber around with a whole lot more accuracy and grace then would a normal person. The camera then pans back to Gullimero, “Um, I’m just gonna....make sure she doesn’t smack anyone.”
——
Arms full of groceries of food for you and Gullimero, as well as random party decorations for Nadja’s birthday tomorrow night, you use the bottom of your boot to skillfully open the door as the documentary crew and Guillermo follows suit. Guillermo now on the verge of falling over with the large heart shaped pillow in his arms that’s covering most of his body.
You don’t feel tired in the slightest due to your half vampiric abilities so this is nothing to you, “Alright.” You state, turning on your heel to face the crew and Guillermo, “They’re asleep so we gotta be extra sneaky now, I don’t want Nadja catching us with all this cool spooky birthday shit. Everyone to the attic!” You whisper yell before leading the charge to the attic.
They all follow as quietly and as quickly as they can and then soon enough in no time are you and Guillermo back outside in the sunny garden trying to figure out if you should blow up the giant sea monster pool floaty.
“I mean it would look cool as hell and no doubt out-do whatever the fuck boring thing Lazlo probably has planned.” You quip with a shrug while the two of you stare thoughtfully at the small gloomy dark pond. “He’s got no chance with us. I’ve won best decorator and card maker for two hundred years in a row.”
Guillermo side eyes you in honest amazement, “Wow that’s a lot of years. And cards.”
“I know. I was an artist in the 12th century but my no good terrible good for nothing piece of garbage trash sexist human husband, who I was forced to marry when I was only sixteen, took all the credit for my artwork in that era.” You confirm with a growl, “But it stings less because once I finally grew into my powers and strength at eighteen I simply made his untimely demise look like an accident.” You add with a smirk.
“Oh, wow.” Mutters the intrigued familiar.
“Precisely. The old fool was thrown off his horse because I told Philip, the horse, to throw him off. And he did. Which killed the idiot so I got the house and all of his money.”
“That’s......neat.” Mutters Guillermo as he shoots the camera crew from behind you and him a nervous look. “Uh the suns going down so I should probably help Nandor out of his coffin.”
Raising your head to the sky you immediately see how the sun has begun to paint the clouds in beautiful colors of oranges, reds, light pinks, and darkening purples. “Oh, how bout that. Yeah alright let’s get inside.” You nod to Guillermo before turning to walk towards the manor’s giant mahogany doors.
——
Turning the handle and walking a couple feet into the large main room that holds itself as a sort of crossroads for all the other various connecting hallways and staircases. You don’t make it even three more steps towards the left ascending staircase before you hear the highly recognizable voice of your one and only.
“Y/N! My lovely wife and favorite person still ever so lovely!” Announces Nandor loudly with a grand smile showing off his pearly white fangs, “How I have missed you and your morning kisses. Where have you been off to?” He wonders softly as you smile a big dumb love-struck grin right back up at him, you’d absolutely die to hear that accent one last time.
“I can’t tell you right now it’s a secret!” You whisper yell back, causing his thick dark brows to scrunch up in confusion.
“But I am your lovely strong puff dragon Y/N.” Whines Nandor adorably as you roll your eyes at the cameras before looking back up at him.
“Fine. Come here then.”
In an instant he’s at your side, excitedly awaiting what secretive news you will tell him, “Okay, so we know it’s Nadja’s birthday tomorrow right?”
“Yes. I remember because she hasn’t shut up about it.”
“Right. So me and Gullimero got some fun surprise birthday party decorations and they’re in the attic and we can’t tell Nadja.”
Nandor gives you a knowing look of affirmation as he leans in closer to you, his demeanor suddenly shifting into a more saddened one, “You went shopping without me?” He says quietly.
Leaning up to give him a quick peck on the cheek your hands instantly find his, “Just for a little while, but I still need to find more stuff so....you wanna come?”
Nandor’s big dark eyes light up with joy as you hand him a kind smile, “Yes! Let us go in search of unknown treasures for our lady friend Nadja so she will not be mad at us for terrible dull gifts of friendship.”
Laughing you give his hands a playful squeeze, “Come on I’ll race you to Party City!” You say before leading him past the camera crew and Guillermo who simply watches the two of you leave, glad to have an hour of peace.
“There’s a whole city for partying? Y/N why have we never been to this place?”
——
“Y/N there are no people partying here.” Whines your vampire lover in puzzlement as he follows you from the entrance to a side isle. “You said this was a city for partying.”
“That’s just the name of the store Nans.” You retort with a small chuckle as he looks from right to left at all the color coded party plates and napkins galore.
“Well the title is very misleading.”
“Agreed.”
Turning to the right you guide him towards the decretory pirate themed isle in search of something that will peak his interest. Also you wanted so badly to make it to this spot but Gullimero was a man on a mission so your intention was thwarted for when you had Nandor with you.
Speed walking down the pirate themed isle you quickly halt all movement as Nandor’s large body stops within less than an inch from your back. Smiling brightly you snatch the desired object in front of you and as swift as a cat turn to face him.
“Have you come for a dual my old enemy?” You speak slyly, eyes narrowed as you hold the foam sword right in front of his face. “I sense a nervousness about you. Tell me, are you ready to face your inevitable bloody end?”
Staring at the pointy foam, his dark puppy eyes shift over to you as an adorable fangy grin breaks out across his pale face, “Seems you have come prepared, oh radiant and alluring seductress. Well, so have I!” Shouts Nandor before grabbing two foam swords from off the rack and swinging them in both hands like a mad man.
Taking a cautious step back you hold your pathetic five dollar sword in both hands like a true warrior ready for battle, “Only one shall leave this place alive.” You affirm with a smirk, “And it’s not going to be you.”
“Arrrrrggg.” Bellows your lover as he charges you like the true conqueror that he once was. But all to soon do you swiftly duck under his arms and swat him over his stomach with a confident thwack sound.
He makes a puny little “oww” as you turn around to face him once again, “Y/N you hit me kind of hard.” He complains, looking rather defeated and genuinely hurt that you could have intentionally injured him on purpose.
Bringing the plastic weapon down to your side once again, your face suddenly softens as you walk over to him, “Come here you big baby.” You quip sincerely as he leans down so you can give his cheek a quick kiss.
Rising back to his full height, Nandor almost blushes as the corners of his eyes crinkle into a happy smile, “Actually it didn’t hurt at all I just wanted you to kiss me.” Reveals the vampire with a proud grin as you simply roll your eyes.
“Should have known.” You add before turning and snatching up four more plastic foam pirate swords for the others. “Alright let’s get outta here, follow me my love, to the checkout line we shall purchase our weapons of war and partying on the high seas.” You announce with gusto as Nandor stands proudly at your side, ready to follow you anywhere.
“Yes. To check out.”
——
Kicking open the unlocked door, Nandor bursts into the vampire residence with bags full of goodies for Nadja’s birthday party. You right behind him but less dramatically, “We’re back!” You shout to no one in particular as Colin Robinson suddenly appears from out of nowhere, looking ready to leave with his funny little hat and usual beige jacket.
“Oh hey guys,” He starts with a friendly nod, “I’m just heading out on the town tonight. I guess there’s a fair or something in the park and I wanted to test my skill at the ball toss. I’ve been reading up on the body mechanics and how the game is set up which seems pretty basic all in all. Also I really want to win a stuffed bear this time, it might add a little pizazz to my room. Welp see ya’round.” Adds Colin before walking past the two of you without another word and out into the night he goes with some of the camera crew following close behind.
Nandor turns to you with a look of annoyance, “Jeesh I thought he would never leave. Let’s go to your room I want to kiss you some more now.”
“Why my room?”
“Because since you are half vampire you get to sleep in a bed and because I am a full vampire I sleep in a coffin.” Inquires Nandor while looking at you with those big beautiful dark eyes of his, “And my coffin is too small for cuddles so your room will suffice.”
“Yeah that’s a fair point.” You shrug before following him to your room.
After many cuddles leading to other more rated R type activities that lasted until just about sunrise, you finally got some well needed rest while the sun shone high in the sky until she began her dramatic descend back into oblivion. Opening your eyes you slowly rise from out of your comfy bed, already missing the presence of your obsidian eyed lover.
He gets too nervous about your closed windows for fear that the sun might burn him which would be impossible because you black out the glass. But alas, he’s very cautious about these types of things and won’t risk it for anything, though he feels bad about leaving you in the morning, you understand.
Suddenly it dawns on you that today or perhaps tonight, is Nadja’s birthday and you completely forgot to set up any decorations. Shit, how stupid. Throwing the blankets off of you, your feet move quick as you speedily change yesterday’s outfit for something a bit nicer and more clean.
Racing out of your room and into the dimly lit manor hallway, you make a bee line for the attic but before you’re able to reach the steps, Guillermo runs into you, just about knocking you into a wall of various stolen ancient weapons. Sharp ones at that.
That was close.
“Y/N are you okay!” Worries the familiar as you quickly gather your bearings.
“Guillermo! The decorations! Nadja’s birthday!” You whisper yell as the human man simply smiles. “Why are you smiling, this situation does not call for smiles.”
“Don’t worry. While you were sleeping I set up all the decorations.” He replies with a shrug, “No problem.”
“What? But that must have taken you all day, you could have asked me for help. I would have come.” Your brows furrow as he shakes his head, though you still feel bad for not helping with anything.
“Well I did try, but um,” Gullimero awkwardly clears his throat, giving the camera a quick glance, “Nandor was with you and last time I asked for you while you and him where having alone time he threatened to carve out my eyeballs and force feed them to me.”
Pinching the bridge of your nose in annoyance you take a deep breath, “Sounds like him. Very creative when he wants to be, alright, well....where’s everyone?”
“Oh, they’re not up yet. I was actually on my way to get you. I made blood popsicles and the pool floaty is all done and in the pond.” He says with a sense of pride for his decorating skills. “I think she’ll like what we’ve come up with this year.”
-
Standing in the living room with your three fellow immortals you search a dresser for her card, “Oh shit where’s my card? I could have sworn I had it yesterday on my dresser but I don’t remember seeing it there in the morning. Maybe it’s in this one?”
“Witches!” Hisses Nadja as you huff in frustration, where the hell did you put that damn card?
“Oh, Y/N my love,” Intervenes Nandor with a gentle tug of your sleeve, “I took it with me when I left your room before sunrise because I wanted to put my name on it too so she would know it’s from us.”
“What?” Replies Lazlo dramatically, “Now hold on just a damn minute, this card competition is individually scored so I won’t be having any of this nonsense. I worked really hard on mine this year.”
“Oh lick a donkey’s arse, look here,” You retort with, quickly holding up the card for Nadja, “there are two separate drawings on ours so either way if one of us wins she gets both our pictures. So you better hope your drawing doesn’t resemble a night clubs bathroom wall.”
“Yeah.” Mutters Nandor, who’s hiding behind you while resting both hands on either one of your shoulders as you glare at Lazlo.
“Fine.” Agrees Lazlo begrudgingly, “And mine will be amazing, this bitch of paper took me a whole six months to plan and produce. Can’t get quality this good anywhere else I guarantee it.” Adds Lazlo with a firm nod of self approval as you glance at the nearby camera.
“Right, okay everyone sit it’s time for presents. I want to know what you all got me.” Beams Nadja excitedly as she smiles a fangy grin in delight, plopping herself down in one of the arm chairs. Lazlo quickly finding the other one while you and Nandor seat yourself on the large couch. Colin and Guillermo finding somewhere to sit close by respectfully.
“Well, all I can say is hold onto your socks my dear cause this is going to blow you away.” Smirks Lazlo as he pulls a small box from out of his jacket pocket.
“If it’s a self made business card that says invitation to sexy town I will puke.” You deadpan while Nandor laughs from beside you, causing Lazlo to lose his smirk as Nadja hides her amusement the best she can manage.
“He he, sexy town, nice one Y/N.” Mutters Nandor with a proud grin as you raise a brow at Lazlo who’s giving you a hard glare.
“Oh, my dear pumpkin pie love, don’t listen to Y/N I will love anything you gift me.” Encourages Nadja with a bright welcoming smile, no doubt immediately boosting Lazlo’s once irked mood.
Rolling your eyes you shift a bit to find yourself leaning into Nandor’s body as Nadja opens up the rest of the vampire residents various gifts. A joyous fangy smile gracing her pale features every single time, revealing this birthday party was a thrilling success.
After much more fun that just about lasts throughout the whole night, and some rare but hilarious attempts at dancing between the five of you vampiric individuals. You’re feeling rather sleepy and you can tell Nandor is ready for a trip to dreamland as well.
Swaying to the lowly playing record instrumental, you hold Nandor tight while simultaneously enjoying the feeling of him so close, him doing just the same as he keeps you firmly pressed against his chest. His long dark hair tickles your face as he presses his head to your cheek, doing his absolute best to keep the flow without tripping up.
Sensing his growing fatigue, you gently squeeze his hand, “My love the sun will be up soon, let’s get you to bed, yes?”
A small lazy smile tugs at the corners of his lips while he looks down to meet your gaze, “But my dark angel I’m not tired. I want to dance with you a little longer.” He whines adorably before failing to conceal a big yawn.
Giggling, you lean back to slowly lead him towards the door, “That yawn says otherwise.”
“That wasn’t a yawn Y/N, I was just smiling really big.” He protests, though he still follows your lead to the door.
“I’ve never seen anyone smile like that.” You add with a raised brow.
“Well maybe that’s just how I smile.”
Letting out a breathy snort, you pull away from him to at last take his one hand, “Come. I can’t have a single ray of that dreaded sun to get a taste of your precious skin. Not on my watch.”
Glancing at the closed front door, Nandor squeezes your hand, “Well um, now since you’ve mentioned the sun...I think I’d like to go to my crypt now.” He says, the flash of worry crossing over his face for only a brief moment.
“You sure? I mean a sunrise is pretty beautiful if I’m being honest and I know you never get to see them...”
“Not funny Y/N. And not fair, you know I can’t because I am full vampire.”
“And you’re missing out.”
“And I’d like to stay alive Y/N.”
“Aren’t you dead?”
“Yes and I am your only husband so I need to stay not burnt to a crisp.”
Chuckling, you follow him down the hallway, “Oh really? Don’t want me finding myself with another vampiric lover? Some new beast to sweep me off my feet and take me away into the night.” You tease.
Side eyeing you, he frowns, “No. Don’t I sweep you off your feet?”
Stepping into his crypt you stop him with your hand against his bicep, “Always.” You whisper sincerely with a quick wink, causing him to break out into a big fangy grin.
“Good. And if anyone would try and whoo you I would make sure there would be no more whooing again!” Exclaims Nandor, making the candles rise in flame for only a short second at his rise in emotion for how much he loves you.
“I don’t doubt they would fall by your blade. Not for a second.”
#nandor the relentless#Nandor x reader#nandor x you#nandor x y/n#what we do in the shadows#what we do in the shadows x reader#vampire fun yeah#love my big huggable vampire#:)
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To be a human - Scaramouche x reader - Part 1
Synopsis: You knew committing to a relationship Scaramouche would be no easy task but you loved him dearly and unlike others, you believed he wasn't evil. But as a mortal and the devoted protector of your village you were too much of a good person, too much of a human compared to him and your differences slowly start to show.
Next: Part 2
Type: mostly angst, this part is still light tho
Warnings: none... yet
Length: not as long as it seems. I'll try to write the next chapters as soon as possible
Scaramouche turned his back to the mountains he's been staring at to look at the path leading to Qingce village. The sun shone through the fog above the rice fields, colouring everything in golden light. Trees sighed as the gentle morning breeze caressed them while glaze lilies slowly started to close their blossoms.
The view was absolutely mesmerising but it didn't absorb the exoticly dressed, short man even for a minute.
'Finally' he snorted unpatiently as you appeared out of the fog, walking towards him with a big smile. 'What took you so long?'
'Good morning' you answered in a calm, low-key but still visibly cheerful manner.
He mumbled some words to himself but you didn't even try to understand what he was saying. It was probably for the better anyway.
You were both happy you could finally see each other but Scaramouche would obviously never express such feelings, not even towards you. You didn't care so much about that though since the time you spent with trying to bare with him finally paid off. You could confidently say now that you actually knew him and his difficult personality well.
Yes, the constant need to search for clues that could tell you about his hidden emotions was a little tiering but you could usually put up with it.
You haven't been able to see him in a really long time as well. You were living in a small village in Liuye while Scaramouche was always travelling around Teyvat and could only visit you between two jobs. He wasn't the type to write letters so sometimes even months passed without you hearing anything about him.
He came back to you yesterday agter five weeks, to spend a little time in Qingce, the village you lived in and protected with your biggest gift, a Hydro vision.
'Where do you want to go?'
'Doesn't matter.'
'We could go to the forest! It's really pretty in the morning. And later we could pick some chili. I promised Pops Kai that I would bring some to him.'
He didn't react. You knew he didn't like you - his words - 'being a slave of those people' so he just ignored the fact someone requested something from you again.
'How did your last job go?' You asked as you two were slowly walking below the rice fields, watching the sun come up from behind the mountains.
'Could have been worse' he answered curtly. 'Inazuma is a pain in the neck. And there were some... unfortunate events I do not wish to discuss. But at least now I'm back.'
He looked up to the village and his piercing blue eyes narrowed as he took a glance of the neat but definitely archaic looking houses.
'Even this hick town is better than thet hell hole.'
Your facial expression strained for a moment as you heard him insulting the village which happened to be your favourite place all in Teyvat. You calmed your expressions but couldn't help and sting back a little.
'I thought you liked Inazuma' you retorted in a dry tone. 'It's where you're from after all.'
Scaramouche's face immediately darkened and you instantly realised the big mistake you made.
You knew a little about his origins, just enough to understand why he never told about it to you. Regret appeared in you for mentioning his past. At least Scaramouche didn't scold you for it but the air between you two visibly got heavier.
You continued your walk in silence and you couldn't stop cursing yourself for saying such insensitive things. It took two minutes for you to start bickering - this number made you feel sad and stupid.
But then again - he didn't even realise how hard he insulted your village and even if he did, he probably wouldn't regret it by one bit.
You lifted your chin and looked straight into the distance. You could see the various fatui agents scattered around the village, all standing guard for the sixth harbinger next to you.
You didn't like him being a part of the fatui at all but there wasn't much you could do about it. You only hoped and prayed that he one day would leave them after getting enough of the Tsaritsa and her overwhelming, suffocating power. After all, he only joined them because they 'seemed fun' and so far they were more of an annoyance then an genuine source of amusement for him.
'Unless he likes all the bloody tasks they're handing to him' you thought to yourself and then couldn't help but feel a little sick in the stomach.
You loved the man walking next to you but not every part of his personality. Not that part which screamed evil.
You weren't blinded by love. You knew he was indeed cruel sometimes. The part affecting you, his rudeness, his hatred towards any type of affection didn't concern you, it was actually kind of amusing. You loved to tease him about it and when he had an actual soft moment... it was heaven itself.
But you couldn't help but feel worried for others. What was he actually doing behind your back? Did he ever... kill someone? He seemed to be enjoying ending monsters a little too much. And he was quite open about his feelings towards humans. He hated all of them... you were probably the only exception.
'Say, Scara' you decided to broke the silence. He glanced at you, his face and movements still stiff. 'If there was a job suiting you in Liyue...'
'Stop tryna make me quit the fatui' he cut into your words in a harsh tone. 'It's not going to happen.'
'That's not what I was trying to do. I just... want to see you more often. Even after months I can only get a day or two with you... and we're not even alone.'
'If it's the Tsaritsa's order then I will follow it.' You averted your eyes. Barely a sentence in and you were already dejected by his words. 'Even though... I'd like to see you more too.'
You quickly rose your chin just to catch a glance of him rolling his eyes before he quickly turned his head away.
A wide smile lit up your face and you couldn't help but instantly start to gently tease him.
'Oh my, am I mistaken or is the almighty Balladeer actually admitting his oh-so-ridicoulus wishes to a mortal? Scara, are you okay? Yore getting soft, be careful before you get so weak even a slime could defeat you!'
'Just shut up, okay?' He growled at you but you just happily laughed. He's back. 'I'm gonna take my words back if you only show disrespect at...'
'Sure, sure' you smirked. 'Just admit you have a crush on me, Weeky-mouche!'
'Your nicknames are absolutely ridiculous' he claimed, ignoring the rest of the sentence.
'Oh, so what do you want me to call you then?' The temptation was too strong, you couldn't help but wink at him which made him growl in disgust again. 'Sweetheart, perhaps? Or honey?'
'I swear, you're as annoying as that damn red scum' he snorted, referring to his colleague, Childe.
You wanted to continue teasing him but as you turned right on the path you were walking on, a small shilouette - even smaller than Scaramouche's - appeared in front of you.
'Oh, little Yu!' You gasped, recognising the little 4-years-old girl.
Her dark hair was sparkling from the light of the morning sun and it put a tiny fire into her golden eyes as well. She looked like a magical little creature in the mystical forest, surrounded by old trees and young flowers.
A precious smile lit her face up as she saw you and the little girl reached out with both of her hands.
'Miss Y/n!'
You picked her up in an instant. Your favourite thing in guarding Qingce village was the people that lived in it and Yu always had a special place in your heart.
'Are you picking flowers?' You asked her and gently brushed her hair out of her face. 'For who?'
'Mommy' explained the little girl. 'It's her birthday tomorrow!'
'You're a very kind little lady, Yu' you praised her with a gentle smile. Holding a tiny, adorable creature like her was amongst the best feelings you've experienced, next to being with your lover, Scaramouche.
You didn't realise it was mainly because you were completely touch-starved.
Yu nodded but she didn't look at you. You followed her glance and you realised she was staring at Scaramouche.
The man was standing three feet away from you, with crossed arms and a hostile look on his face.
'Who is he?' Little Yu asked from you, fixing her eyes on the unfriendly expression of Scara's.
'His name is Scaramou... Just call him Scara.'
The man and the girl stared at each other.
'You needn't be afraid of him. He doesn't bite' you said jokingly but the little child's face remained serious.
'Why isn't he smiling?' She asked quietly. Scara glared at her.
'He's a little hard to make smile but he's still a good person' you promised her.
'Are you sure?'
Her words were innocent but they hit you really hard. Your breath stopped for a second and the fake smile on your face faded away.
'Now listen here you little...'
'I am sure. Don't worry' you cut down Scaramouche, sending a warning look to him.
He stayed silent but he looked like he could explode at any moment.
Maybe the child was able to sense it, maybe not, but she tried to get out of your hug all of a sudden. You put her down carefully, not forgetting to caress her hair and rosy cheeks even though her words upset both of you.
'I'm gonna go pick more flowers.'
'Yes. Be careful in the forest.' You warned her. 'Call my name if you're in danger!'
She nodded and ran away on her bare feet, looking like a little fairy among the old trees.
Leaving you alone with Scaramouche.
#cloudenthusiast#genshin impact headcanons#genshin impact#Scaramouche#scaramouche x reader#genshin x reader#genshin angst#scaramouche angst#genshin fanfic#genshin#genshin Scaramouche
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🧿🤠🐇🍲🍯: Nie Huaisang hasn’t found anyone to do the body sacrifice ritual for him, and so in desperation he tries it himself. However, the ritual was not designed with a Nie cultivator in mind—something Nie Huaisang does not realize until he’s doubled over on the floor, far too close to a qi deviation, because his (admittedly tiny) saber spirit has been replaced with Wei Wuxian.
ao3
Well, that was the dumbest thing ever.
The thought so closely matched Wei Wuxian’s that he didn’t even notice that it wasn’t his own.
How could you be so stupid? Wei Wuxian tried to shout at Nie Huaisang, who was curled up gasping on the floor. The floor, which was stained with Nie Huaisang's own blood, with cuts he had made himself on himself, with the ancient body sacrifice summoning that – that –
Don’t you realize that you’d be gone? You absolute idiot! Wei Wuxian howled, even though he wasn’t actually a person right now. He didn’t know what he was, a ghost or spirit, maybe, but he was there and he was angry and Nie Huaisang’s arms were covered in blood from where he’d cut himself up in order to destroy his own soul – Nie Huaisang, the mincing sensitive little master who would complain for three weeks about having stubbed his toe! – and his robes that he had always taken such great care to keep clean and neat were a mess and he was bleeding from the nose and eyes and ears because something had gone wrong. Something had gone wrong, and Wei Wuxian hated to be grateful for it because he didn’t want to be brought back by Nie Huaisang’s death.
Not anyone’s death, really, but definitely not Nie Huaisang, who’d never hurt him or treated him badly. Even when the whole world had hated and reviled Wei Wuxian, isolating him in Yiling on the Burial Mounds, Nie Huaisang hadn’t – he’d waved jauntily to him during Phoenix Mountain, and Wei Wuxian had never doubted that if he’d somehow found his way to Qinghe, Nie Huaisang would have treated him just the same as always.
You – you –! You good-for-nothing!
“Don’t be rude,” Nie Huaisang mumbled, slowly uncurling. “Didn’t bring you back to be rude to me.”
You know what you’ve done, then? You could have died!
“Was I supposed to let someone else do it?” Nie Huaisang rubbed at his face with his sleeve, then frowned at the blood on it. “I thought about it, but I really just – couldn’t.”
So you decided to kill yourself?
“It’s like you said, Wei-xiong. I’m a good-for-nothing. I couldn’t – I can’t – I can’t fix this. So why not bring back someone who can?”
Wei Wuxian didn’t have words to express how much that was not all right with him.
Go fix yourself, he ordered. I don't care what 'this' is; I’m not talking to you until you get cleaned up.
“After all that work I did? Wei-xiong…”
Nope! You’re not dying, so you can get cleaned up before we talk, and that’s that. I still can’t believe you nearly – I don’t want it. I’ve never wanted anyone to get hurt for me.
“Wei-xiong, you’re being silly. Who said I did it for you?”
Wei Wuxian would have stared if he had eyes.
“I did it for me,” Nie Huaisang said, and finally he got up properly and staggered over to a basin to start washing himself clean. “Obviously! I'm incredibly self-absorbed. It’s about what I need from you…hey, how did you come back? I thought the ritual only worked if I died.”
It should have, Wei Wuxian agreed, unwillingly intrigued by it. I don’t know, actually. It’s strange: it should have either worked, in which case you’d be dead and I’d be possessing your body, or else not worked at all, in which case I shouldn’t be here.
“I always mess things up.”
No, really, I don’t think you messed this up? The array is perfect. There’s no reason for it not to have worked.
“These cuts won’t heal,” Nie Huaisang observed, looking at his arms. “Did I accidentally curse myself to fulfill my obligations? Ugh, why.”
As the person you were going to impose said obligations on, I’m now going to laugh at you. Hahahahaha –
“Shut up, Wei-xiong. Where are you, anyway? I don’t see any ghostly figures that might be you, and anyway, we’re in the Unclean Realm; there are ghost-repelling arrays in every stone.”
I don’t know, Wei Wuxian said, and then something else said, Ghost-repelling arrays only repel ghosts.
At first Wei Wuxian thought that it was Nie Huaisang who had said that, and he was about to ask what he meant by that, only Nie Huaisang got there first and said, “What do you mean, Wei-xiong? Are you not a ghost?”
I didn’t say that, Wei Wuxian said. That – wasn’t me.
“Who was it?”
Me.
“…Wei-xiong…?”
No, that wasn’t me. I mean, it wasn’t me that said ‘me’ just now!
Of course not, the voice said, and it was Wei Wuxian’s voice – or not-voice, anyway, whatever it was that he was using to communicate – but not Wei Wuxian speaking. It was me, of course. Master forgot to account for me in his array.
What? Wei Wuxian asked, utterly confused, but apparently that made more sense to Nie Huaisang because his knees went weak and he fell down on his ass.
“Aituan?” he gasped. “I – what – is that you?”
Yes.
Can I interrupt? Wei Wuxian asked. Who – or what – is Aituan?
“My saber!”
Your – what?!
Nie Huaisang attempted to explain. It ended up being a fairly long explanation, involving his sect’s cultivation style, saber spirits, and his own personal saber spirit, which was named Aituan, and which Nie Huaisang swore up and down did not speak prior to this.
Of course not, the voice now known as Aituan said irritably. Why would I speak? I’m a saber. We’re sensible, not like you humans – but now you’ve shoved a human spirit in with me, so what am I supposed to do? Not use his abilities as my own?
I feel like I should feel violated, Wei Wuxian said.
“When in fact you think it’s really neat?”
…yeah, basically.
Aituan huffed. Can we get back to the part where we plan a murder? he (it?) whined.
Sorry, Aituan, Wei Wuxian said. No murder.
“Uh,” Nie Huaisang said. “Actually, about that…”
-
I think we should kill him.
“I can’t do that!”
Dunno, I think Aituan has a point, Wei Wuxian said. We should probably just kill him.
“You’re supposed to be helping me, Wei-xiong!”
I’m helping! I’m a saber now, I can totally help you stab him.
“Not helpful!”
I like this human, Aituan declared. Good human. Proper blade on his hilt.
You mean head on my shoulders?
Whatever.
Nie Huaisang threw his hands up in annoyance. “Would either of you like to remember the part where I can’t actually fight? San-ge would beat me black and blue if I so much as picked up a pocket-knife in his presence!”
Get someone else to help, Wei Wuxian suggested pitilessly.
“I tried! You!”
Someone else.
“Like who?”
Hmm. Lan Zhan? He’s great.
“I don’t know. He’s er-ge’s brother, isn’t he? He might not believe me…” Nie hUaisang grimaced. “He hasn’t been much inclined to believe me before.”
Why doesn’t the loudmouth do the talking? Aituan suggested.
Oh, that’s a good idea! Lan Zhan was always inclined to listen to me before.
“I thought you said he hated you?”
He still listened!
Nie Huaisang heaved a sigh.
Your other alternative is stabbing your enemy directly, Aituan said. If you’d like to give it a try…
“…I’ll talk to Lan Zhan.”
-
“I can’t believe you’re perving after my saber,” Nie Huaisang complained.
I can’t believe Lan Zhan likes me! I mean, likes me!
I can’t believe I’m still stuck here with you idiots. Can I go share bodies with Baxia instead?
Lan Wangji just looked awkward.
Some people might mistake it for looking noble and genteel, but by now they all knew: it was just him being horribly awkward.
“I have no such intentions,” he said stiffly. “Only – if it was possible for Wei Ying to exit the saber…”
Nie Huaisang grimaced, humor falling away. “I…don’t really know about that.”
Wait, wait, wait. If I can’t – if I’m stuck as a saber – I can’t – but I really want to kiss Lan Zhan! This isn’t fair! I don’t want to have to wait until I reincarnate.
You won’t reincarnate, Aituan said. You’re a saber. Unless we’re melted down or get ground down by time…
No!
“Surely there has to be some way. Aituan, stop being a part of the problem and start being a part of the solution.”
Fine. Let him possess you.
“…what.”
He just needs a human body, right? Let him possess you. Problem solved.
I can do that?
Technically, I can do that, and you can do it because I can do it. But we’d need Master’s permission.
“There are many, many, many books about why you don’t grant your saber permission to possess you. Anyway, that’s my body!”
Yeah, I guess it would be weird for you to kiss Lan Zhan, would it?
“I mean, not really? He’s very pretty. I could swing it.”
You could?
“…you could swing what,” Lan Wangji said.
“Having Wei-xiong possess me,” Nie Huaisang explained. “So that he and you can get the whole missed opportunity thing out of your system.”
Lan Wangji’s face did a few strange things.
"Assuming that it wouldn't be an issue for you, that is, it being me on the other side..."
"No," Lan Wangji said, and cleared his throat. "That would be - fine."
Ooooooh. Does Lan Zhan like you, too?
"What? No. Don't be ridiculous, Lan Zhan doesn't like me like that."
He'd be willing to kiss you.
"Physical attraction isn't the same thing," Nie Huaisang argued. "Lan Zhan, you're with me on this, right? You wouldn't be interested in -"
Lan Wangji cut him off.
A few moments later, he pulled back and said, thoughtfully, "As suspected. It is fine."
Nie Huaisang opened and closed his mouth a few times.
"...well then," he said blankly, then frowned. “Aituan, can I revoke permission for possession?”
No idea. You'd just have to trust that we'd give it back; it's a risk you'd have to take.
“…well, as illustrated, it’s not the worst idea I’ve ever had. Let’s try it, and then once everyone’s a little more focused we can go do what we need to do. Sound good?”
-
“I really didn’t expect you to start a relationship Nie Huaisang,” Lan Xichen said to Lan Wangji, not long before the end. He sounded deeply puzzled. “I didn’t think you liked him like that.”
“Not by himself,” Lan Wangji said with a shrug. “But he’s good in company.”
“…you’re with other people too? Both of you?”
“Mm.”
Lan Xichen, knowing his younger brother’s reticent temper, especially of late, declined to ask who the other parties were. “Doesn’t that make things crowded?” he asked instead.
“…surprisingly no,” Lan Wangji said. “Not as much as you’d think.”
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Amethyst you so much
Summary: Spencer has had a crush on Y/N since she started working at the bau. She only ever works the night shift after a case, handling all the aftermath gracefully. one night, Spencer stays back and they strike up a conversation about rocks, causing their feelings to dig a little deeper.
Warnings: pure fluff, weed mention, hurt/comfort, grief and mourning
Word Count: 6.4K
Read on Ao3
Late nights at the office had become his thing since Gideon left.
He couldn’t bring himself to go home some nights without a game of chess, a cup of coffee, and the ambiance of the post case staff working. He would’ve had no idea about what goes on after they close a case if he didn’t stay behind most nights.
The phone rings almost every 10 minutes, and it’s always answered by the sweetest voice. The fax machine never turns off, and the most beautiful girl in the world is always running around placing papers in different places.
He’s been smitten with her since she started here, 2 years ago. Never seeing much of her since she was switched to the night shift, always wanting to just watch her from afar, never speaking to her unless he needed to.
“Yes, again we are so sorry for the door,” he can hear her voice from the back corner of the room. “Agent Morgan will be paying for that out of his paycheck, don’t worry, Mr. Kennings. We’ll be sure to remember your hotel when we’re in the area again. The FBI has a very generous budget for overnight cases. Of course, you have a good night too.”
She hung the phone up harshly and let out a deep sigh. He turned around to see her face in her arms, resting against the desk. She looked done, completely fed up. He would be too.
She looked up then, noticing that he was making eye contact with her. She awkwardly smiled and waved at him, “sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry,” Spencer replied. “We asked for the key, I should have stopped him from kicking it in.”
She laughed then, walking over to his desk so she didn’t have to yell across the room. She sat on the corner of his desk lightly, “why do you stay every night?”
“Oh, um,” he wasn’t prepared for this. She had never talked to him before. She was barely able to even look at him when she used to place papers on his desk 2 years ago, now she was on his desk.
“I don’t like to bring the work home with me, it’s better to destress here before I go to my apartment,” he answered, half honestly.
She nodded slightly, “I get it. Luckily I go home in the mornings so the sun helps me feel better.”
“Going home in the dark isn’t fun,” she lightly smiled up at her.
“Do you want a coffee or anything?” She asked softly, “seeing as I am still your assistant as long as you’re here?”
He laughed lightly, “I would, but I’d like to join you in the staff room for it?”
“Okay,” she stood, straightening out her shirt as he stood as well.
He held the doors open for her, letting her walk out first, still smiling as she waited in the hall for him. Never being anything less than 1 foot from him for some reason, and he didn’t mind in the slightest.
“Do you like your job?” He asked lightly.
“Oh yeah,” she laughed. “It’s like customer service on crack. Have you ever had to explain to someone why you can’t pay for the cracked foundation after Agent Morgan’s ransacked a place?”
“I honestly never thought of who has to deal with the aftermath,” he awkwardly admitted to her. “I’m so sorry.”
She couldn’t stop laughing as they entered the kitchen, “it’s fine. I never have to apologize on your behalf, it’s everyone else who seems to be reckless. Sometimes I feel like it would be better if I came along to babysit.”
“That would be helpful,” he smiled softly as she entered the staff room.
He watched as she took a new coffee filter out of the cupboard. Emptying the coffee pot with ease, rinsing everything before adding the water and scooping in the grounds. He was mesmerized by how fast she was able to do it, then again it was sort of her job.
“What mug would you like?” She turned to him with a smile that made his heart skip a beat.
“Um, the purple one, if it’s there?”
“You really like purple, huh?” She teased him, standing on her tippy-toes to reach the mug for him.
She placed it on the counter before grabbing a white mug, it had a bumblebee on it, “bee happy” written along the top. It was perfect for her.
“Purple is a stress-reducing colour,” she explained. “When I was a kid my parents painted my room purple so that I’d sleep better.”
“I’ve always been drawn to it.”
She leaned against the counter while the coffee pot started to percolate, “Probably because of your anxiety, coffee doesn’t help that.”
“It’s in my DNA to be like this,” he tried to joke, knowing he succeeded when her smile crept back onto her face.
He was on a mission to keep seeing it.
“For someone who spends a lot of time with dead bodies, creepy places and bad people, you sure are a mousy little thing aren’t you?” She teased him.
“I also love Halloween, go figure.” He’s not sure where the confidence came from, being able to make light-hearted jokes like this was only easy with the team.
Which she technically was a part of. He’s seen her almost every single day for 3 years, slowly being able to get comfortable enough for this very moment.
“What else are you into, outside of here?” She asked honestly, making his heart swell as no one else had ever asked him before.
“Lots of things,” he sighed. “I love to read, I’ll read anything. But mostly I enjoy far-off worlds. Lord of the Rings, Star Trek, Doctor Who, Sherlock mostly.”
“No supernatural?” She gasped. “Sacrilege, honestly. What kind of nerd are you if you don't support supperwholock?”
“That's the show with the monster hunting brothers right?” He tried to recall it to his mind.
She nodded with a pressed-lipped smile, “it’s bad but in a way where I can’t stop watching every Thursday, they just introduced an angel who is pretty gay. Star Trek is cool too, I guess, I was raised by Trekkies.”
“My mom was into Doctor Who.”
“Mamma’s boy,” she teased him slightly, returning her focus to the coffee as she poured the now finished brew into their mugs. “She was nice when she came in that one time, I made her a very sweet coffee just like yours.”
He reached for the sugar then, poring a generous amount into his mug with a grin, “how much do you like?”
“the same amount,” she couldn’t help but laugh. “I hate the taste of coffee, but it keeps me awake.”
He poured the sugar into her mug as she places a spoon in each. Allowing him to stir his own before picking it up finally. Holding the warm ceramic in his hands, it was almost as warm as the feeling in his chest when he looked at her.
He’s felt it for a long time. He’s been caught staring at her by Derek, JJ even tried to get him to give her his number. Which she already had for when she calls him into work in the middle of the night. They knew he had a crush, he did too. He just didn’t know what to do about it.
“Come to my desk, I want to show you something?” She asked softly, avoiding eye contact as she walked towards the door.
He followed, like a lost puppy, all the way back to her desk. It was always neat, he always looked at it when he made his way up the stairs to the briefing room. He could even see it from where he sat at the table sometimes. Always wanting to see her leave in the mornings.
She had a collection of rocks that always changed, he loved the blue one the most but it wasn’t there currently. She had all new ones since the last time he looked.
“Here,” she hands him one. It’s brown and gold, the colours moving and shifting as he turns it with his fingers. The gold running through it like a beautiful wave.
“what’s this for?”
“It’s a Tiger’s eye, for good luck and happiness,” she smiled. “Keep it at your desk and maybe it’ll be easier for you to relax when you come back?”
The butterflies in his chest were swirling then as she looked up at him with pleading eyes. Wanting him to take it, wanting him to feel better. Caring for him.
“Thank you,” he barely whispers, clearing his throat softly. “It’s very nice of you.”
“You’re always nice to me, so,” she shrugged.
They sat down then, he dragged his chair from his desk over to hers. Sitting in close as she explained all the meanings to her rocks. He listened carefully, getting to examine each one as she spoke.
“This one is Jade, it’s for balancing emotions and allowing compassion so I don’t scream at everyone on the phone,” she laughed as she placed one in his hands. Her fingers brushing his palm softly.
It was a beautiful green stone with a thin white line running through it, separating into 3 directions as he flipped it over, “it’s beautiful.”
“I know some people don’t believe in this stuff,” she started to get embarrassed as she placed them all back on the shelf. “But I’ve always thought; if the moon, which is just a rock, can control the water, and humans are 70% water, then who’s to tell me the moon cycles don’t control my emotions and these smaller rocks can’t help problem areas?”
“You’re not wrong,” he shook his head softly as he thought her words over. “People depended on the stars and planets for guidance originally, as well as rocks and herbs for healing, just because it’s outdated doesn’t mean it doesn’t work?”
“Thank you,” she smiled. “No one has ever agreed with me that easily.”
“Anytime you want to talk, I’ll just be over there,” he pointed at his desk. “And I’m a phone call away?” He swallowed sharply at his boldness, trying to stay calm as he awaited her answer.
“I do have your number,” she smiled, reaching out to place her hand on his. “But you should go home, I’m sure you’re chilled out now.”
“Yeah,” he agreed, staring at her hand as they touched. He lightly wrapped his hand around hers, holding it slightly, running his thumb over her knuckles. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“And every day after,” she whispered, tilting her head as she smiled at him.
This was going to be interesting.
—
Penelope was always dragging him out. She would take him shopping, to dinner, to the movies. She was like his big sister, dedicated to making sure he wasn’t always cooped up or trying to retreat into a fantasy life.
She kept him busy.
She had 4 bags in her hands as they walked down the street, peering into the store windows to see what else she could possibly be interested in taking home for someone. That’s when they passed the natural health store.
He stopped in his tracks, seeing all the different rocks on the wall accompanies by little cards that described how they could help. He opened the door and rushed inside before Penelope even noticed he stopped following her.
“Good afternoon!” The shop owner called out to him. “How can I assist you today?”
“Um, the girl I like has a rock collection,” he says softly, knowing Penelope is behind him listening. “Crystals more specifically, I’d like to get her some?”
“Well, you came to the right place,” the man beams, escorting him to the wall of rocks. “What is she like?”
“Wonderful,” the words are carried out of his mouth on a sigh as he thinks about her. “She’s confident and nice, and caring. She’s always positive and just so lovely.”
“I’ve got you,” the man starts picking rocks off the wall and placing them in his hands.
Spencer follows him to the desk where he lays down a handful of rocks, Penelope is shockingly quiet as she stands beside him, staring at the collection. She’ll be full of questions later, all of which he is terrified of.
“This is a rose quartz, pretty basic love, beauty, anti-depression stone,” he pushes the pink and a green rock towards him. “Serpentine is for new adventures, observation and insight. I have a feeling you’re up for an adventure with her?”
Spencer nodded enthusiastically, “I like that one. It would be better to get her some rare ones, some that have to do with friendship, new beginnings, or opportunities?” He tried to explain his feelings as best as he could. Not knowing if he sounded dumb for a change.
The man smiled wide, “here,” he dipped below the counter and dug out a box. “Chrysocolla is literally for new beginnings, love and opportunity.”
He hands Spencer a vitreous, raw blue stone with small green marks running all through it, it’s beautiful like her. “This is perfect.”
“I’ll throw in a Kiwi Jasper as well, it’s for being by someone's side, support and trust. As well as a Ruby in Zoisite it symbolizes finding the joy in life with someone,” he hands Spencer two equally beautiful stones, prepping a bag and wrappings for all of them.
Spencer lays out the 5 stones he picked out, watching him wrap them with care before placing them in a bag. He rings everything up, Spencer pays and before he’s even out the door Penelope is pouncing on him for answers.
“Who?!”
He can't help but blush and stutter, trying to brush past her and continue walking down the street. “You can’t hide forever Spencer, who is she?”
“How do you know it’s a she?”
“You literally said so?” She looks at him like he’s an idiot. “Come on? I won't tell anyone!”
“Y/N.”
The gears are turning in Penelope's head as she tries to place a face to the name, knowing she’s seen her somewhere, “From the office?”
He nods softly, “the one Derek bullies me for staring at?” He clues her in more as they walk.
“He also bullies her for staring at you,” she adds with a smile. “She’s going to love those, when are you going to give them to her?”
“I was thinking about just leaving one on her desk every day? Maybe with a note for why I picked it?” He really wants to woo her, she’s too special to just flirt with.
“She’s going to love that.”
—
Sure enough, he walked into work every day for the next week, placing a rock on a sticky note on her desk. He was never around when she was able to see it, only knowing she got it when he'd arrive at work the next morning with a note reading 'thank you ♥︎ ' on top of his files.
He thinks about her all weekend, planning how he'll give her the last rock as he takes the elevator up that morning. Only to see her sitting at her desk, phone pressed to her ear as she tried to talk someone out of suing the FBI, she looked absolutely miserable. Just a casual Monday morning for her, almost at the end of her shift.
He rushed over to his desk, putting all his stuff down to dig one of the rocks from his satchel. Picking the Kiwi Jasper for today, he grabbed a pen and a sticky note and wrote her a little note.
“Always here if you need to talk, -Spencer ♥︎”
He walked over to her desk, she was still talking so she didn’t notice him until he was right there, she looked up at him with a thankful smile.
“Yes sir,” she answered the person talking to her. “Can I call you back after I speak to the chief? thanks.” She hung up on him, turning all her attention to Spencer.
“I know you know it's been me leaving these, but I brought you in another one,” he says softly, placing the rock in her hand and sticking the note to the shelf where it would end up.
“oh my gosh, Spencer?” She placed her free hand on her heart as she looked at the rock.
“You looked upset?”
She stands and pulls him into a hug, he can feel all the eyes on him as he holds her back, letting his chin rest on her shoulder as she squeezes him.
“Thank you,” she whispered as she pulled back, awkwardly smiling at him as she also noticed everyone staring.
“Always,” he smiled back, hand still resting on her arm. “Um, I have a case I need to get to.”
“Of course, good luck,” she smiled.
He pulls the tiger's eye out of his shirt pocket, showing her that he still had it, “kinda hard not to have good luck with this.”
She bit back a smile, her eyes gleaming as she took a deep breath through her nose. Releasing the same feelings he was keeping inside, allowing both their butterflies to swarm out together.
—
He loved when they had cases in Virginia. Being able to stay in the bullpen and work was relaxing, it was easier to think where he felt safe.
He was working on the geo profile all alone, a huge map stretched across a clear case board as he laid a yardstick across it. Drawing a thick red line with marker over it, in his own little world as he worked away.
He doesn’t realize she’s standing there too until she’s lightly pressing her hand on his back.
“Hey,” she whispers softly. “It’s 10 pm, thought you’d like a coffee?” She places the purple mug on his desk with her purse, turning her attention back to what he’s doing.
“Thank you, I’m almost done here,” he says softly, finishing the red triangle he was making on the map.
“I’ve always found it fascinating how you do this,” she complimented him. “You’re so careful.”
“Like baking, it’s an exact science,” he smiled softly.
It made her giggle slightly, placing her hand back on his back as she moved in closer to look. He wanted her to stay there forever, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to focus. He tried his best to steady his hand as he finished the line.
Putting the yardstick back down and turning to her, she doesn’t move her hand, instead, softly moving to rest on his arm as she stands close to him. “How are you?”
He feels nervous for some reason, it’s not like she hasn’t been this close to him before. It’s just that she’s close and she smells wonderful and he wonders if her lips would be a better wake-up call than the coffee she brought.
He realizes he’s staring at her lips when he licks his own, “I’m good,” he furrows his brow and clears his throat with a nod.
She smirks at him, “how come you’re the only one still here? Hotch said it could wait till tomorrow?”
“I was waiting for you,” he admits, “but I got carried away setting this up, I never heard you come in?”
“Cause I didn’t,” she scrunches her nose slightly as she straightens her stance. “I saw you working hard and went right to get you a coffee.”
“You’re wonderful,” he blushes as the words slip out, trying his best to keep eye contact when all he wants to do is kiss her.
She pats his arm slightly as she backs up a little, grabbing her bag from where she set it on his desk. “I’m going to set up for the night, come talk to me before you leave?”
“Of course,” he says as she walks away, letting out a small sigh as he realizes just how badly he wants her.
He never gets to talk to her before he leaves, she’s on the phone when hotch comes storming in. Saying something about another body and making Reid leave with him. He’s busy for 3 days straight, thinking about her with every free thought he’s able to squeeze in.
He carries the rock from her in his pocket everywhere he goes; in his pants beside his keys, in his bag with his books, in his breast pocket, over his heart, behind a bulletproof vest. Feeling it press against his chest, a part of her keeping him safe where ever he went.
They finish the case with minimal damage, Spencer specifically making sure that Derek leaves all the doors on the hinges for Y/N’s sake, cleaning up any messes they make so she won’t have to hear about it over the phone. They all notice that he’s doing it for her, quietly appreciating the fact that Spencer is happy for a change, that there’s a glimmer of hope in his eyes again.
He arrives back at Quantico 30 minutes before her shift starts. Everyone else is packing up for the day while he sits at his desk, reading to occupy the time before she comes in.
Only she doesn’t.
30 minutes pass and she’s nowhere to be seen, it’s only 9:02 by the time he starts to panic. Wondering if she’s okay, hoping she’s just in the elevator or grabbing a coffee that’s actually good, somewhere outside of the office.
“Reid,” he hears Hotch calling him from his office door. “She just called in, her grandmother passed away last night so she won't be in.”
“Oh,” he furrows his brow, looking at him with confusion. “How did you know?”
“Penelope,” he smiles. “She’s still here too, and she knows where Y/N lives.”
“It wouldn’t be weird to go see if she’s okay?”
Hotch just smiles at him again, “go see her, Reid.”
Getting her address from Penelope felt a little weird, but she writes it on a sticky note for him and he’s out the door before she can even pry into what he’s going to say. Which is good, because he doesn’t know yet.
It’s late, but he stops by the little rock store on his way to her house. Seeing the lights still on and the same man from before behind the counter.
“Welcome back,” he’s overly cheerful for it being so late. “How did she like them?”
“She likes the ones I’ve given her so far,” he smiles, looking over the wall himself this time for the right one.
Scanning past every emotion and affirmation known to man as he looked around, picking out a beautiful pink Rhodonite for healing grief, supposedly acting as a hug from emotional troubles. And a Rainbow Moonstone for inner peace, harmony and strength.
“She’s lost someone recently?” He asks as Spencer places them on the counter.
“Her grandmother,” he says softly. “These are good, right?”
“They’ll be perfect, we also have amethyst bracelets, they’re good for healing and drawing in positive energy,” he points towards the small display of bracelets. Small purple stones separated with small gold beads.
He picks up 2 of them, placing them on the counter as well.
“Is she still just a crush?”
Spencer laughs lightly, “unfortunately.”
“She might be more after this,” he smirks, ringing him up. “I’ll give you a 2 for one deal on everything, I have a feeling you’ll be in a lot.”
Spencer thanks him as he pays, picking out a small purple bag for the rocks and bracelet. Placing one on his own wrist before leaving. Also picking up some cookie dough ice cream and a card at the corner store just beside her apartment. Remembering all the times Penelope, JJ or Emily has mentioned it being the best ice cream for crying.
He takes a very deep breath before knocking on her door, hoping to every god out there that she doesn’t find this incredibly inappropriate and weird.
“Spencer?” He hears her voice before she even opens the door, looking out the peephole at him.
She whips the door open, eyes puffy and swollen as she looks at him in shock. She’s in a big sweater and shorts, tears dripping down her cheeks as she shakes her head at him.
“I thought you could use some cheering up?” He awkwardly smiles, holding the ice cream up for her to see.
She wraps her arms around his middle, burying her face against his coat. Still crying as she holds him, he holds her with his free hand, shushing her as he presses his cheek to her head.
She pulls back with a sniffle, “come in,” she offers with an arm out, ushering him inside the small room as she closes the door.
He takes his shoes off, handing her the ice cream so he can take off his coat and satchel too. “This isn’t weird right?”
“Not at all,” she laughs slightly through the awkwardness. “You don’t know how much it means to me that you care this much.”
“I brought something for you,” he says as he struggles to dig everything out of his pocket.
He hands her the card and the little purple bag, seeing the overwhelming glance grow on her face. Her eyes grew wide as he mouth opened, speechless.
She opened the card first, reading the passage about grief that was already provided. Dealing with grief was something Spencer knew too well, adding something a little special to the bottom of the card.
“To live in hearts we left behind is not to die,” -Thomas Campbell.
As long as you remember her, with a smile on your face and love in your heart, she will always be with you ♥︎
Spencer
She wipes her tears with her forearm, placing the card on the counter beside the ice cream before she opens the bag. She pulls out the bracelet first, absolute shock on her face.
“Spencer?” Is all she can say, in a high squeak as she shakes her head at him.
“I didn’t want you to be sad,” he says softly, stepping into her space and placing a hand on her arm. “I love seeing you smile, and I thought this could help.
He takes the bracelet from her grasp and places it over her hand. Resting it on her wrist softly, straightening it out against her sweater as she notices the matching on over his shirt sleeve.
“Oh this is so cute,” she swoons. “thank you, really Spencer.”
“And there are some rocks for grief healing in there too, one is supposedly like an emotional hug which should heal the grief and sorrow, and the other is more for inner peace and harmony,” he rambles away, not wanting her to miss anything.
She pours the rocks from the bag, into her hand, looking them over silently with a smile, “they’ll look great on my desk.”
“The purple looks nice on you too,” he compliments her, watching her eyes drift up to him.
She places the rocks on the counter before wrapping her arms around him once more. This time he’s able to actually hold her back, tight as possible as he rubs his hand over her back.
She smells like home, clean laundry and happiness. She’s soft and warm, he holds her perfectly against his chest, like she was a missing puzzle piece that someone finally found under the table, she fits into his life like she was supposed to be there.
She kisses his cheek softly before she pulls back, causing him to pull her into a real kiss on impulse. Connecting their lips as she sighs into the contact, melting into his grasp as she kisses him back.
Her lips are soft, fitting between his own gently as she breathes him in. Her hands reach up to grip his cheeks, kissing him again and again, placing pecks to his lips and cheeks with her eyes closed as he giggles.
“Thank you,” she whispers against his lips, “for everything.”
“I’d do anything for you,” he whispers back, kissing her one last time before she pulls away.
“I was actually about to smoke some weed on the fire escape and probably cry some more,” she laughs lightly. “would you like to join me?”
“I’ll stick with a bowl of ice cream,” he smiled awkwardly.
“Nice one,” she laughs as she opens the ice cream.
“What?”
“Oh, you didn’t even get the reference you made,” she laughs lightly, “to get high you smoke a bowl, so…”
It makes him smile, “I'm a comedian part-time.”
He makes her laugh again, loving the sound of her giggle replacing the tears. “Why aren’t you this funny at work?”
He thinks about it for a little, watching her scoop the ice cream into two bowls, “it’s a little hard to make jokes when people's lives are on the line, I know everyone else does but I get too focused.”
“They probably wouldn’t appreciate your jokes even if you did make them,” she says as she handed him a bowl with a spoon. “They’re kind of mean to you, in a family way but it still sucks sometimes to overhear.”
She walks into the living area then, grabbing a few blankets and opening the window to the fire escape. Crawling out to sit on the ledge, waiting for him.
“I don’t mind it,” he says as he finally sits down beside her.
She places the blanket over their laps, both of them sitting criss-cross applesauce as they ate.
“Do you like your job?” She asks him, just like he once asked her.
“Most of the time,” he nodded as he got brain freeze. The cold air, the cold ice cream, everything that was catching up to him as he scrunched his face up at the feeling.
She laughs at him only a bit before she’s also attacked by the brain freeze, holding the vein in her neck as she chokes out another laugh, trying to warm up the blood going to her head so the pain would stop.
They’re both just a mess of giggles together, unable to say any words as they let it all out. She leans her head on his shoulder lightly as they calm down to just soft chuckles. He presses his cheek against her head.
“Thank you, Spencer,” it sounds like she’s crying a bit. “My grandma was a lovely woman, she’d be glad I’m laughing right now.”
He reached out a hand for her to hold over the blanket. She interlocked their fingers softly, both cold from holding their ice cream bowls.
“If she was anything like you, I’m sure she was the most wonderful woman,” he says softly, not intending to make her cry but having a feeling he might.
“Would you be interested in holding me on the couch while I cry?” She asked softly, tears in her eyes as she looked up at him.
“Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”
—
He’s late for work the next morning.
Waking up to the smell of coffee, opening his eyes to a strange view. He’s on a couch he doesn’t recognize in a room he doesn’t know too well.
Then he remembers, they ended up cuddled up on the couch. He wakes up to the memory of her on his chest, crying softly as they listened to some music, he ran his hand over her back while she went through it all, blessed to have his support.
He fell asleep under her at some point, waking up alone with a blanket laid over him. He sat up to see her in the kitchen, pouring coffee into a travel mug.
“Good, you’re awake,” she smiles at him. “Coffee is ready, I uh, I have this button-up shirt from a guy friend, if you wanted to wear that to work today? So they don’t think you stayed here?”
“That’s smart,” he replies as he rubs the sleep out of his eyes.
Getting up, he uses the bathroom, changes and takes that coffee from her. He’s not expecting her to kiss him on the lips at the door, but she sends him off to work like an old housewife.
He doesn’t want to pull away from her, keeping her pressed against him as he leans in for 4 more kisses before she finally pushes him out into the hallway with a laugh, “get to work!”
“Fine,” he sighs, “are you going to be in tonight?”
“Yeah,” she smiles, “funeral is in West Virginia next week, so I’ll be in until then.”
“I’ll see you later?”
She nods slightly with a soft smile, “you’ll be seeing a lot of me soon, Spencer.”
“Good,” he winks at her before heading down the hallway and towards the street entrance.
He sighs as he walks outside, resting his back against the apartment complex door, taking a moment to think about everything that just happened, the night of company and the wonderful send-off.
It was something he could get used to.
He rushes into the briefing room when he arrives at Quantico, sitting down with his coffee and pretending he wasn’t late. Listening carefully to JJ’s presentation of the case as he flips through everything he missed already.
“Wheels up in 30,” he heard Hotch say as he zoned back in. “Nice of you to join us, Reid.”
“I know that travel mug from somewhere,” Derek said as he stared at Spencer, who was taking a sip to avoid the awkwardness.
“Hmm?” He played dumb.
“That’s Y/N’s. She washes it every morning when she leaves to go home, I see her do it every morning,” his eyes open wide. “Holy shit.”
“Isn’t that the same tie and slacks from yesterday?” Emily teased him as well.
“Her grandma died, I brought her ice cream and slept on the couch okay?” He all but yelled, flailing his arms slightly so they’d all back off.
Derek reached his fist out for him to pound it, “good man.”
Then Penelope noticed the bracelet, “did she get you that?”
He sunk his hand into his pocket then, “no.”
“What?” Emily and JJ asked in unison, straining their necks to try and get a good look at what she was talking about.
He nervously held his arm out for them, showing them the purple bracelet resting over the sleeve of his shirt. “I got one for her too, it’s for healing and peace. It’s what she needs right now.”
“Oh, so you love her,” Derek smiles as he teases him. Making everyone else in the room swoon slightly.
“Okay and?”
“Oh my god!” Most of them shout at him, embarrassing him to no end. He was so glad she wasn’t at work this morning or else she would be able to hear this from her desk.
“Did you kiss her?” Rossi pries, asking what everyone else was thinking.
He scrunches his face, pushing his glasses up slightly as he clears his throat, “a few times.”
“Is she your girlfriend?” JJ kept the questions coming.
“Not yet,” he said softly. “Kinda weird to walk into her apartment while she cries to say ‘hey sorry about the death in your family, want to date me?’”
“Yeah,” Emily agrees, shrugging lightly. “At least she knows you like her now, it’s been what? 2 years?”
“2 years, 3 months, 17 days and 43 minutes,” he confirms with a small nod and pressed lips.
“Gross,” Derek teases him.
“The plane is leaving in 10 minutes,” Hotch cut into their fun.
Making them all gather their things and continue the interrogation in the elevator, and eventually on the plane, and in the police precinct. Even Penelope called him in the middle of everything to bug him about her.
The questions were never-ending, everyone wanted to know how they even started talking, who made the first move, how he plans to ask her out. They were relentless, he almost regretted admitting to anything.
They bug him all throughout the day, all the way until they’re arriving back at the BAU late that same night. He almost doesn’t want to go back to the bullpen and see her with all of them, knowing they were going to follow and say something.
She’s waiting in the hall when the elevator doors open, a pressed-lipped smile on her face, “bad news.”
“Another one?” Hotch sighs, “have Garcia send us the info. Be at the table in 10.” He pushes his way out of the elevator, passed them all as they stare at Y/N.
“Hi?” She awkwardly waves at them all, showing off the bracelet on her wrist.
“See ya, Spence,” JJ and Emily say as they matt his shoulder, dragging Derek and Rossi towards the bullpen doors.
“Sorry,” he apologizes for them softly, stepping into her space.
She wraps him up in a quick hug, keeping one arm around his waist as she guides him towards the bullpen, “it’s fine, they’re going to have to get used to us being together.”
“Together?” He repeats her words.
“I only cry on my boyfriend's shoulders, if you're up for the title?” She teases him softly, pinching his side as they walk towards the doors.
“Can I frame “Dr. Spencer Reid, Y/N’s boyfriend” beside my Ph.D.’s?” He keeps his hand on her shoulder, holding each other slightly as they walk towards her desk. He felt like one of those kids who wouldn’t let go of their girlfriend's hand in the school hallway, attached to her at the hip.
“I’ll make one for you while you’re gone,” she laughs lightly.
They stop at her desk where he sees all rocks he got her collecting on the shelf, as well as a cup of coffee and his favourite kind of donut.
“Thought you deserved something nice too,” she says as she nudges his side.
He kisses her on the cheek as a thank you, “you’re welcome,” she smiles to herself. A feeling of pride growing in both their chests.
“See you later?” He asks as he picks up the coffee and donut, walking away slowly as she smiles at him.
“Come home to me safely, Doctor Reid,” her voice is just loud enough for everyone in the briefing room, where everyone is waiting at the window, watching them, deciding to put on a show in return.
He stops on the steps to look at her softly, “I’d fight a thousand unsubs to come home to you.”
“I’ll leave the light on,” she blows a kiss at him, making him blush a deep red.
He waves, making his way up the steps and into the briefing room. A smile on his face, heart thumping in his chest, all the support in the world swarming around him as everyone patted him on the back.
That tiger’s eye really did bring him good luck and happiness, and her name was Y/N.
#spencer reid#spencer reid smut#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x you#spencer reid self insert#spencer reid request#criminal minds smut#criminal minds imagine#one shot#fluff
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The Beauty of Unlabeled Things: Your Local Nonbinary Aro-Spec’s Take on Aziraphale and Crowley
or alternatively, Oh My Fucking God Stop With the Good Omens Queerbaiting Discourse Already
*disclaimer: shipping these two is not inherently aphobic or transphobic. that being said, if you romantically ship them purely because you think of them as not queer enough in canon, or don’t consider nb or aspec people queer, with all due disrespect, fuck you.*
Let’s start with the obvious: Good Omens is a comedy about an angel and a demon trying to stop the apocalypse, not a romance novel. It has never been sold or summarized as a romance novel. You were never promised a romantic relationship. Remember that.
Crowley and Aziraphale are presented to us as, quote, “men, or at least men-shaped creatures, of the world”. The implication being, they’re supernatural divine beings, so while they might like to look like men, but do they really have time for our human concepts of gender? Probably not. They have bigger things to worry about anyway. So right off the bat, we’re told we can’t put human labels on these two, because they’re not human. It just doesn’t work. It’s like trying to classify humans as dog breeds. Yes, you can match up some traits, but fundamentally, such labels are incorrect, and always will be.
And that ambiguity carries over to their relationship with each other. The best part of their relationship is that it has no definitive labels other than “an Arrangement”. They care for each other, and see no need to define what they have beyond that. Why do they need to explain it to other people? Isn’t the fact that this relationship works for them the most important part? They don’t need to care what other people think. And therein lies the beauty of this relationship, and in a way, of this book as a whole.
Good Omens was not written to be the beloved cultural phenomenon it has become. If you read the forward of the book, it was just a fun summer project. As such, it wasn’t written with other people’s opinions in mind. It is a weird, funny, and at times strangely thought-provoking book that simply does what it does, without much care for explaining itself any more than is necessary to tell a good story. Things don’t always need labels, or lengthy explanations, or to fit into neat little socially acceptable boxes of conventionality, and Good Omens is a book that celebrates that.
How quickly so many people forget the inherent queerness of unlabeled relationships, people and beings of ambiguous genders, and love that doesn’t quite fit into a neat, acceptable, nicely defined category. When you say “is Good Omens gay?”, what it sounds like to me is “this is a romance between two cisgender men, right?” It sounds like nonbinary and aromantic erasure. It sounds like ignoring the beauty of queer as an ambiguous, unifying label of all that falls outside the heterosexual, heteromantic, cisgender norm of today’s society. Quite fucking frankly, it sounds like entitlement and ignorance.
Unlabeled queer people are queer. Aro people are queer. Nonbinary people are queer. Not every queer relationship has to be romantic in nature. There are other kinds of queer representation besides kissing and romance that are just as important. Good Omens was not sold as a gay romance novel, stop treating it like one. And as a nonbinary aro-spec person, I am so tired of the way the internet treats people like me in fiction.
I also want to close with this Twitter thread, which encapsulates my thoughts on the ship itself quite nicely:
[ID: A Twitter thread that reads as follows:
Beans Turnip (@Hatpire): So, @neilhimself, they’re gay, right? :D
Neil Gaiman (@neilhimself): They’re an angel and a demon, not male humans.
🖤Rhiannon🖤 (@GoodnightSkye): Okay, but they love each other, right? :D
Neil Gaiman (@neilhimself): Absolutely.
End ID]
#this is the promised arophobia rant#no i don’t know why the screenshot has the language set to german#i didn’t take it i found it in an article#good omens#good omens discourse#discourse#ceres reads good omens#*swings bat at hornets nest*#come and get me fools#Ceres rants
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DEXTER SEASON TWO SENTENCE STARTERS (PART TWO)
Lines taken from 2x07-2x12 of the show Dexter. Feel free to change pronouns or edit in any way to better fit your needs. Here is part one.
❛ I thrive on chaos. But this is good, too. ❜
❛ I had to do a little creative problem-solving at someone else's expense. ❜
❛ Pardon my tits. ❜
❛ Are you trying to fuck her or set her on fire? ❜
❛ Sometimes the truth speaks from a peaceful place. It's taken me a long time to find that place, but I think I have, and it's telling me you're not the right one for me. I'm so sorry. ❜
❛ Is that what I am? Clean? 'cause I don't feel that way at all. ❜
❛ No, I won't do that. I won't let you turn me into you. ❜
❛ Hope you don't expect me to comment on that so you can record it on your hidden tape recorder. I wasn't born yesterday. ❜
❛ Your past is a bigger mystery than fucking Jimmy Hoffa. ❜
❛ No matter what you try, no matter when, no matter how hard you work, I'll always be a step ahead of you for one simple reason. I own you. ❜
❛ When I'm alone and it's quiet, I get scared shitless, like I start hearing what's really going on inside. ❜
❛ 'Cause when you're around, I kind of feel like I can deal with anything, you know? ❜
❛ I've always worked best in the shadows, and that's where I have to stay. ❜
❛ You can't go back. You know that. ❜
❛ You are not allowed to talk about anyone I date as long as you're seeing little Miss "pardon my tits." ❜
❛ She is obviously a vampire. A gross english-titty vampire. ❜
❛ Can't change who I am. I'm crass and dirty, and...I have a very filthy mind. ❜
❛ Jesus Christ. They sell anyone a gun in Florida, won't they? ❜
❛ That man. He wasn't trying to rob you. He was trying to kill you. ❜
❛ Nothing you could do,___, would scare me. ❜
❛ Whatever comes, we'll get through this together. I'm not leaving your side. ❜
❛ I need to embrace who I am, who I've always been. ❜
❛ It's like I've been living underwater, holding my breath, and now I can finally breathe. ❜
❛ ___ almost had me believing it was possible to change, to become something else, as if that ever really happens. I've always known what I am. ❜
❛ I'm finding it's best to accept things you can't change, you know? ❜
❛ Is this the monster that you keep telling me about? ❜
❛ Trust me, when you meet the monster, you'll know. ❜
❛ Nice. My subconscious isn't even bothering with symbolism. ❜
❛ I feel...such regret, which is rare for me. But not that I don't mess up. I do...just never so stupendously. ❜
❛ If they're looking for proof, they won't find it. Not here at least. ❜
❛ Then maybe you should come with us, because who knows what secrets will come ❜ pouring out of me once the drinks start flowing. ❜
❛ I'm done with it and you. Did I not make that clear last night? ❜
❛ Those friends of yours, they didn't even know you. They just see the mask, but I see it all. ❜
❛ Can't live with her. Can't kill her. ❜
❛ Fuck! I'm talking about my feelings. What the fuck is your problem? ❜
❛ I've always sensed there was something... off about him. Like he's hiding in plain sight. ❜
❛ If you got in the middle of this and you got hurt… ❜
❛ The only way I can help you is if you turn yourself in. ❜
❛ Don't you disappear on me. ❜
❛ I want you to know that you meant a lot to me, more than you know, and... I just want to thank you for that. ❜
❛ If I never see her again, it'll be too soon. ❜
❛ Sleep would be nice, but there's too much to do. ❜
❛ Okay, I may be sleeping with him, but it doesn't mean he tells me shit or listens to me about anything, so stop asking! ❜
❛ That's right, motherfucker! It's over. ❜
❛ I knew there was something with you. But this shit? ❜
❛ What can I say? You were right about me. I never held it against you. I don't now. ❜
❛ It's a graze wound. Minor tissue abrasion. No hemorrhage along the bullet track. Sorry. I think I'm gonna live. ❜
❛ If you're not gonna let me go, then kill me now. Just get it over with. ❜
❛ You're a killer. I catch killers. ❜
❛ So it's okay to take a life as long as you get a paycheck for it? ❜
❛ Either kill me or set me free. ❜
❛ Taking a life is one thing, but the care and feeding of it is another. ❜
❛ I'm generally confused most of the time. ❜
❛ You ever care about anyone? Then you shouldn't have to ask. 'Cause when you care about someone, you do what you have to do. ❜
❛ I remember when life was easy, when the only question I worried about was "who's next?" Now it's: "How can I dodge my protective detail? "What should I do with my hostage?" These are not easy questions. ❜
❛ It's not about what I think. It's all about the evidence. ❜
❛ Hair-pulling may not be manly, but it's very effective. ❜
❛ If he wanted me dead, I'd be dead by now. ❜
❛ You are the only one I can count on, jackass. ❜
❛ It puts a pit in my stomach that I can only interpret as... sadness. ❜
❛ You working on an exit strategy? I'm afraid that's not gonna happen. ❜
❛ How come there's never a circus when you need one? ❜
❛ What was that shit last night? Some kind of fucking scare tactic? ❜
❛ Don't test me. I could have killed you. I didn't. ❜
❛ You're actually angry. I've never seen you angry. This is good. ❜
❛ I should warn you. You can't play on my feelings. I don't have any. ❜
❛ It's a tough job. It can wear on even the best of us. ❜
❛ I yell a lot...and bitch and complain, and I keep expecting people to guess what I want, but I never really say it. ❜
❛ And that was exciting, you know? The not knowing. What might happen, what could be. It was all possibility. ❜
❛ Your life is going to rest in the hands of the criminal justice system you put all your faith in. I wish you the best of luck. ❜
❛ You need help. Let me help you. ❜
❛ You don't have to do this! You don't have to kill this man! ❜
❛ Sorry it had to go down like this. But there really was no other way. ❜
❛ Stay away. Just stay away from me. ❜
❛ Did you happen to be stuffing a human leg into a garbage bag at that point? ❜
❛ There's that anger again. You got to let that out. ❜
❛ You're spinning. Let me help you. It's only a matter of time before you'll hurt someone else. ❜
❛ Take responsibility for who you are. ❜
❛ Why can't you just let me go? ❜
❛ If I got to choose a person... A real person... to be like, out of anyone, it'd be you. ❜
❛ Who joined who in the shower this morning? ❜
❛ For such a neat monster, I'm making an awfully big mess. ❜
❛ Maybe this is how evil works. Destroying everything it touches. ❜
❛ I've been held prisoner in a cabin for two fucking days. Fucking hellhole. ❜
❛ After everything we've been through lately, I just want... to be together with you guys. ❜
❛ You told me to take responsibility for what I am. You were right. ❜
❛ I can't live in this house of cards anymore, waiting for it all to fall down. I need to do something, you know? ❜
❛ If I do this, I need a day to get my affairs in order. ❜
❛ Mention that when they interview you for the story of my life. ❜
❛ Don't leave me in this cage, anything could happen. ❜
❛ I lie to everyone I know... except my victims right before I kill them. It's hard to establish much of a rapport there. ❜
❛ Sorry about the cage. ❜
❛ I've always been curious to try. Do you have any weed? ❜
❛ Love's a battlefield. Or in your case, a restraining order. ❜
❛ When a pretty girl smiles and bats her eyelashes, we're powerless to resist. ❜
❛ I met with a lawyer yesterday. He helped me prepare a living trust that gives you control of all my assets in the event of my death or... certain other situations. ❜
❛ God. Go away. This is creepy. ❜
❛ I'm free tonight, you wanna stop by? We'll have beer, a couple of steaks? I wanna talk to you about something. ❜
❛ I just need you to know that... you and the kids are very important to me. No matter what happens, I want you to always know that. ❜
❛ I know I've been taking things slow with us, but it's not because I don't have feelings for you. It's more like I have too many feelings, and I just wanna make sure to get it right. ❜
❛ I want you gone. Tonight. ❜
❛ I've spent a lifetime keeping up my guard, watching my back, wearing my mask. Relief was never in sight until now. ❜
❛ Lately, I was starting to feel like I had my head pretty far up my ass. ❜
❛ You decide who you are, who you want to be...and you hold onto that and ride it out. ❜
❛ I need some help! Just open the door! I'm being held captive. ❜
❛ Damn, it's good to see another face. I never thought I would. ❜
❛ When something beyond reason happens, it turns skeptics into believers. ❜
❛ If you believe that God makes miracles, you have to wonder if Satan has a few up his sleeve. ❜
❛ I can't exactly feel their pain, but I can appreciate it. ❜
❛ I kinda forgot who I was. I got it straight now. ❜
❛ The term is homicidal maniac. Not that I'm judging. ❜
❛ A public place. You thought I was gonna...That I would slip my needle into your neck? ❜
❛ You're afraid of me now, aren't you? ❜
❛ You're emotionally color-blind. You use the right words, you pantomime the right behavior, but feelings never come to pass. ❜
❛ You know the dictionary definition of emotions: longing, joy, sorrow...You have no idea of what any of those things actually feel like. ❜
❛ I created a monster of my own. ❜
❛ What did you do to make her so pathetically crazy for you? Does your dick dance? ❜
❛ What're we doing home in the middle of the day? She asked, hoping for sex. ❜
❛ Why? Why do I have to make up my mind? ❜
❛ I've never put much weight onto the idea of a higher power. But if I didn't know better, I'd have to believe that some force out there wants me to keep doing what I'm doing. ❜
❛ As it turns out, nobody mourns the wicked. ❜
❛ Am I evil? Am I good? I'm done asking those questions. I don't have the answers. ❜
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Clone genetic enhancement ideas
So the clones were genetically enhanced, but i don’t really see any writers (in fanfic or in published stuff) really exploring what that MEANS beyond “clone very stronk”. Here are some ideas that would actually make clones significantly different from just a regular-ass human in peak condition.
-enhanced senses: eyesight, hearing, etc. I’m talking eyes like a HAWK
-better reflexes
-quicker information processing
-can hear sounds of higher and lower frequency than standard humans
-can see light of a broader spectrum than human standard
-learn quicker, retain information and skills better (potential problem: if you learn something the WRONG way, that way might stick really well)
-photographic memory (really useful for memorizing layouts and maps)
-immunity to various diseases
-can tolerate a wider range of temperatures and environments
-increased stamina and strength baseline. Clones can just run full-tilt for hours and hours and be like “ah a nice stroll”. Over long distances, they can out-pace jedi in the same way that humans can out-pace horses.
-higher tolerance of certain poisons/toxins (clones can straight-up drink ethanol, and get maybe a little tipsy)
-bodies respond quickly to physical stress, and slowly to the absence of it (basically, this means that physical conditioning results in stronger muscles and a stronger cardiovascular system really quickly, and it takes MUCH longer for a clone to lose strength and conditioning due to not exercising than standard humans. Think how much valuable training time is saved if they only have to go on a run like, once a month in order to stay in shape)
-increased ability to function through intense pain and acute injuries. Basically, semi-disabling the pain system so it’s less distracting. Probably not good for the survival of the individual in many situations, but an advantage on the battlefield.
-heal faster and better, with fewer long-term complications. Clones can dislocate their shoulders and NOT have the joint be permanently fucked up, because the Kaminoans re-designed the whole damn thing to suck WAY less.
-actually, unique internal anatomy. There’s probably a lot about the human body besides the shoulder joint that is actually just really stupid, and something no intelligent designer would actually build. So the Kaminoans can fix a lot of that stuff. Better knees, maybe. Stronger ribs. Maybe Cody punches droids not just because he’s a mad bastard, but also because his metatarsals are literally as strong as steel.
-Hearing loss/hearing damage? No problem, your ear can regrow those little hair-thingies that help you hear.
-Of course, it takes energy to maintain muscle mass, which is why human bodies lose it if we’re not using it. Clones need significantly more calories than standard humans. However, their digestive systems are enhanced to extract calories and nutrients from food much more efficiently, so food goes much farther. Potential weird side effect: maybe clones only have to poop like, once a week?
-You could probably extend that into increased ability to tolerate long periods without food/on low rations, despite the increased need for calories.
-wouldn’t it be NEAT if the kaminoans somehow designed self-repairing DNA. This would mean that others couldn’t take a DNA sample from a clone and modify it to create their own clones (basically, it protects their product. It’s like DRM for clones). This ALSO means that clones couldn’t get cancer, and that they’d be immune to radiation poisoning. So a clone could just walk up to a sphere of uranium at critical mass and pick it up. Maybe with oven mitts on if it’s hot. (this would also make it harder for a rapid-aging cure to be developed, but uhhhh fanfic writers find a way)
- “bred for obedience” I think most of this would have to be accomplished through tightly-controlled messaging and cultural norms as the clones grow up- basically, enshrining obedience as a desirable and almost sacred trait, to be prized higher than anything else, including the lives of your brothers. In the same way that we hear stories of people sacrificing their lives to protect their loved ones, the clones would grow up hearing stories of soldiers sacrificing their brothers’ lives to obey an order from a superior.
-SOME of the “obedience” thing could be engineered, though. Humans are already super social, but it would probably make sense for the clones to have an even greater need for social bonds. This would make for greater teamwork and coordination, and better unit cohesion, since the clones would be more inclined to prioritize friendship/agreeing with someone over winning an argument. It would also make it so they’d bond with their natural-born generals more easily, so they would obey them not just because they’re supposed to, but because they’d be much quicker to see them as a friend, and someone who’s trust they want to earn, someone they want to incorporate into their group and make happy.
-consequently, clones who find themselves alone do NOT do well. Isolation has a much more profoundly negative impact on clones than on regular humans.
-Originally, clones designed to operate alone or in small teams would not have the social enhancement- ARC troopers, spec-ops teams, etc. There wouldn’t be much of a noticeable difference in everyday interactions, but they’d also be vaguely weirded out by what they interpret as aggressive friendliness from their brothers, and their brothers would think they’re a bit shy and standoffish.
-actually this social modification would make it MUCH harder for clones to kill people. REGULAR HUMANS are already super bad at killing people- i remember reading this article about how as soon as soldiers have to point their weapons at actual people, their aim gets mysteriously much shittier. Even when compared to situations that are exactly the same, except they’re not shooting at other humans. So reconcile this how you will, idk.
-I imagine a lot of these enhancements would be accomplished not through DNA, but through microorganisms. Retroviruses could explain the DNA resistant to modification, and the increased healing speed, and possibly some disease resistance (do i know anything about retroviruses other than a vague concept of what they are? no i do not. will that stop me? also no.) Their metabolism can be partially explained through specially engineered gut microbes.
-not sure how they’d go about making clones “resistant to any stress”, because you can’t exactly turn off the trauma response in the brain without breaking a bunch of other things. They could probably do a bit of fiddling to make clones more resistant to chemical imbalances, and therefore more depression-resistant. I think most of the “stress-resistance” would have to come through training. Either they train the clones to basically suppress everything, which might work alright in the short term. OR they actually have systems in place that help prevent the development of things like PTSD and help treat trauma. Meaning the clones are literally trained in self-care, positive self-talk, talking about their pain with their brothers, and having community rituals around things like death and grief. I don’t think that’s super likely because one thing that’s integral to those concepts is the concept of “i am a person and i have worth, and if i feel angry about something bad happening, that is ok and valid” and considering that a whole lot of bad things happen to the clones all the time and their childhood is a whole boatload of bad all happening at once, i don’t think the kaminoans would want the clones realizing “hey wait a minute i’m a person and i don’t deserve to be treated this way and it’s ok for me to be mad at you”.
- the clones were supposedly engineered to be “less aggressive” but i think there was literally nothing more to that than a cover story for the control chip. The clones wouldn’t be raised with a lot of the aggressive western concept of masculinity, where anger is the default reaction to like, everything, and your personal pride is extremely important and also fragile (no offense lmao). So you wouldn’t have clones posturing and getting angry over perceived slights and fighting each other all the time, like everyone in-universe apparently expects to be the case. Anyway, why would you want your soldiers to be less aggressive? they’re literally supposed to fight and kill the enemy. You want them fully capable of getting angry, anger is the human response to fear and danger that lets us DO something about it.
-obviously the biggest component in how they behave would be how they are raised, but that’s an entirely different post
-Specializations! I imagine that initially, the Kaminoans had different clones with different traits engineered specifically to fill certain roles. However, as the war went on, they struggled to keep up with demand and had to start shoving clones into whatever roles were needed (hence Fives and Echo becoming ARCs, despite not being engineered as ARC troopers).
-Command clones would have better abilities in the executive function parts of the brain that deal with extrapolation, planning ahead, spatial reasoning, etc. They’d also have increased visual pattern recognition (like a pigeon)
-search-and-rescue troops would also have the pigeon pattern recognition abilities. The coast guard literally strapped pigeons to helicopters who would tap a button when they saw orange in the water, because they were better at spotting it than humans. Pigeons can detect cancer in microscope images of cells, because they’re that good at pattern recognition
-Pilots would have hella reflexes, excellent spatial awareness and spatial reasoning skills, much greater ability to process visual information, stronger hearts and blood vessels (to resist greater Gs of force), and they’d also be much shorter, to better fit into a cockpit. Which reminds me of Axe, that poor bastard from Ahsoka’s squadron over Ryloth who was almost eight feet tall. rip poor Axe, how did you even become a pilot, you long bastard.
-medics who can smell certain diseases. If you want to get a little bit out there, make the medics able to purr so they can sooth stressed-out patients.
-infantry would have even greater endurance than everyone else, as well as greater tolerance for, and ability to, remain constantly on alert.
-ability to fall asleep at will? that would be super dope.
-maybe more efficient sleep, so to an adult clone, 4 hours of sleep is genuinely sufficient.
-concept: clones can sort of turn down their bodily functions- slow their digestion, heart, lungs, the whole nine yards- to last longer in adverse conditions. Sort of a half-hibernation (or quarter hibernation- they’d still be able to talk and think, but they’d feel very lethargic). They wouldn’t be able to function very well, but it would be great for things like enduring intense cold, periods without food, low-oxygen environments, and it would be especially useful if you were wounded and waiting for help, since you could slow your circulation, meaning it would take you a lot longer to bleed out. This state could be triggered by a combination of physical actions such as sitting or lying still, breathing slowly and deeply, and focusing on slowing the heart down (humans can actually slow down their hearts consciously if you practice at it, this is basically that, but turned up to like 1100).
-one thing that never made sense to me was the whole “we’re running out of jango fett’s DNA, all the new clones won’t be as good, and we have to stop ventress from stealing the original DNA” because like, can’t they just, get the EXACT SAME DNA from the clones?? you know, the exact genetic copies? With all the enhancements already done? But now my idea is that the kaminoans have engineered the clones so their DNA straight up can’t be copied. The clone’s own body can obviously replicate it, but if you take a sample and try to extract the DNA, it just self-destructs or something. This is to protect their intellectual property, but also means that they literally have to use a couple of Jango Fett’s actual human cells for every single clone they make (and the fact that they then have to do all the above enhancements to every single embryo helps explain why there’s so many small mutations, such as hair color and height). So they kinda shot themselves in the foot with that one.
-of course since things like ADHD and autism have a strong genetic component, the kaminoans could theoretically engineer those out of the clones, but actually FUCK THAT so for whatever reason, that’s just not something they are able to do, and neurodivergent clones are absolutely a thing
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