#like im not going out of my way to bother or harass them lol i just blocked them and moved on <3
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i think its weird that i have to make this disclaimer but the internet is crazy so wtvr,, anyway,,
if i say i dont like something, that doesnt mean "that thing is bad and nobody should post it.."
i swear literally every time i even mention that i dislike something, people will go "wow does that mean u fucking hate me cuz i post that thing? ur a fucking stupid bitch and all ur opinions r wrong" LIKE ?? er.. no. just because i say i dont like certain characterizations of certain characters (the saiki k fandom is CRAZY about this cuz i can state an opinion on literally any character and a group of people will still go 'well only we're allowed to post our opinions about them because we're always right!1!1!'), or certain ship tropes (mentioned my hatred of toxic yaoi maybe once or twice on here months ago and people STILL get mad at me as if i said toxic yaoi lovers r evil or something), or certain ships, or WHATEVER, does not mean that i HATE the people who are posting them or that i think they shouldnt post them at all, NO, im just posting about my personal tastes on my personal blog and it would be extremely weird and hypocritical if i decided that i was the ONLY person that was allowed to do that,,
i think the only reason people assume that is because there are a lot of other people on here who ARE like that, and a lot of people toe the line between posting that they dont like something and posting that they think everyone who likes that thing is stupid, annoying, and wrong,, so i guess all i can say is, sorry for whatever made you make these assumptions but they arent true about me so plz leave me alone ʘ‿ʘ ur doing the same thing to me that ur accusing me of but i didnt do it in the first place so ur just actively being a dick for no reason
#crazy that the mindset some people on here have is that theyre the only ones allowed to post their opinions#ive repeated this a lot on this blog but i rlly think people forget that the person on the other side of the screen is in fact a person#if ur harassing people and publicly making fun of them then ur just as bad as any real life bully#that shit isnt as funny or harmless as u like to pretend it is#not once have i ever targetted anyone or went on someones blog to harass them over my opinion#yet people think its fine to do the same to me and treat it as if its like. revenge or something#like ? me saying 'i dont like toxic yaoi' is not equivalent to someone going on someone elses page and going 'how tf do u like toxic yaoi'#I DONT CARE !! all ive ever done is sit in my own little bubble and had opinions and that makes people mad#honestly though the people who will publicly talk and post abt it are significantly meaner#and i want to act like im not bothered by it because i know most of them r just angry that someone has a different opinion#and they want all their followers to bandwagon off of them (idk why maybe for validation or whatever-same reasons anyone would bully)#but seriously if u actually do think that something i said was out of line and crossed thise boundaries- just fucking tell me ?#im a person bro. ur solution to disagreeing with me shouldnt be 'lol im gonna post abt this and make everyone harass them'#have a conversation with me dude i dont bite ? if u cant talk to me like a person then just dont fucking say anything wtf#its so cowardly to be like 'well no i didnt wanna say anything to u cuz i didnt wanna be rude.. so instead i publicly made fun of u!'#LIKE WHATTTT STOPPPPP </3333#ok anyway this post wasnt supposed to get THAT serious.#MY POINT IS just be considerate of other people and dont base ur hatred off of assumptions#ur deflecting the blame onto someone else because u dont want to admit that ur just a fucking bully lol#being inconsiderate on here is something ive also been guilty of back when i first joined the fandom and was clueless#but grown ass adults who have been on here way longer r still doing that shit which is crazy#and i cant say anything because they have so much leverage over me and idk if its on purpose or if they dont even realize#ok im putting fandom tags cuz i want people to see this sorry. this is my one post thats actually targetted but its at a lot of people#so if u look at this and think 'hey i do that' pls evaluate urself<3#i mean its also targetted at everyone who does this anonomously so i dont know who it is OKOK IM DONE BYE SORRY HOPE THIS IS UNDERSTANDABLE#watch nobody read this fr#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#meows post
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sometimes u simply have to unfollow someone who put other very specific writers on ur dash. no problem <3
#wooahaes.txt#like sowwy! i dont have many writers i outright dislike but there is one specific person that i have blocked on this account.#along w the rest of their alts bc im not risking them being able to contact this blog in any way without like#them having to go waaaay out of their way to do so. i think i blocked their friends too just to ensure none of them would contact me#bc god knows i could see their friends messaging me like why would u block them theyre so nice :) and being like... white knight-y about it#i used to like them actually but they kind of showed their true colors and i was like oop! nope!#we are not mutuals we are not friends i do not want to associate with someone like this.#no names because they're a bigger blog than me and i don't want their white knights showing up to harass me lmao#like im not going out of my way to bother or harass them lol i just blocked them and moved on <3
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Nice blog you got there cherri
ok so i have like fifteen other asks but i need to address this first because it's been an issue for nearly a month now and these anons tried to find my main and did what i think was an attempt at doxing me.
this is a post to spread awareness to my followers, despite the person concerned not being aware that i'm doing this at this moment (i will tag them and DM them about it soon). long post, but important.
i may reblog this with additional info in the future, so if you feel this gives limited information check the reblogs or comments.
these anons tried scarying me off of running my blog by constant harassment for days straight, which thankfully stopped as i ended up blocking them. as you can see they ended up bypassing my block or asked someone from another account to continue the harassment and attempts at inducing fear. frankly, what this is causing me is anger as im not the only one involved in this unfortunately.
one of the first hate anons on this blog was a spam of four or more anons asking me if i was the person the anon im replying to is mentioning here. i didn't think much of it as they came with another roughly dozen of hate anon spam which (surprise surprise/s) disappeared in its entirety once i blocked one of them. meaning a single person was harassing me.
i ended up contacting the person these anons were thinking i was, and decided to not reply to the first batch of hate, as first they had the url fully typed out in the ask and I didn't want to expose the person concerned, and second I didn't want to bother any of my followers with one salty hater. they were as weirded out as me that they got involved into this without any logical link between my main, their main, or this sideblog, asides from the fact that they were one of the handful of people that supported me early on and even accepted in dms to share my blog to a discord server (a small one, but they were excited about my blog and asked if i was ok with them sharing it and i said ok).
i had asked them to not make a callout post on their own blog about this nor to go and harass anyone. which they didn't. additionally, i sent them screenshots of the hate anons and explained to them that i didn't want to put their blog url publicly by answering the anon as I felt it was a safety issue. but they insisted that they didn't mind it and that if i changed my mind about the whole issue and decided to go public i would.
so here's their url -> @cherrifruiti (they're getting free promo lol, hopefully it balances out the harassment and targeting they went through. they're an artist and honestly good friend. we bonded more over this. go check them out)
the insistence of this anon on trying to find my main was confusing to me at first. i did not choose to remain anonymous on here for privacy reasons, hell, not even safety reasons. i deal with worse bullshit on main than here. i wanted this blog mainly to have an anonymous moderator as a way to leave space for the community voices. i felt like a faceless blog was a more welcoming environment than having the baggage of a whole person, moral alignments, blend into a space that's catered towards a specific goal and discussion. which to be fair was a huge hit for my ego. id love to share my full identity with y'all and have the accomplishments of this blog linked to me. but im stubborn and attached to my values.
to put it simply, i did not want to make the same mistake as the admin from @narcissisticpdcultureis did.
that being said, i did not lie on any of my values linked with my DNI. i wanted this blog to be accessible to cluster b personality disorder havers and the wider community regardless of their backgrounds, but with some limits for my own mental health and personal boundaries, that i tried keeping limited. notably regarding discourse. of any kind. and as another addition for resources in the npd and cluster b community. just as another community space, not a monopoly.
despite the amount of hate and adversity expressed from the admin of @narcissisticpdcultureis , i had not made this blog with adversity, harassment, anger, or "rebellion" in mind. unlike how the admin seemed to take my act of creating my own digital space and express emotional distain for my blog for the sake of existing. blaming me of doing so to put them in a bad light, while the only thing i did was point out information they already had made accessible to the public about themselves in their pinned post. which i didn't give a moral alignment to it, just stated that i was personally uncomfortable with it.
i am not condoning harassment, but I will not police your actions either. this individual(s) had put the url of my sideblog publicly in a rant of theirs aimed to put me and my work in a bad light without regards of my safety or mental health, and lead many, potentially themselves personally as well, to put me through constant anonymous harassment while i had expressed since the beginning i didn't want to be affiliated or interact with their blog, and never mentioned their url publicly up to now, to avoid the same scenario that just happened to me from their doing.
additionally, in their rant about my blog, they mentioned another npd culture that apparently was created adjacent to theirs, potentially for similar reasons as mine although this is unknown.
im gonna say one thing.
if anything, i like the attention. you decided that i, a small account, who didn't have the self estime to ever think would get traction, caused enough of a problem to make your, way more popular, blog feel threatened. i feel honored.
my only issue is that you failed to find my main blog, which frankly offended me. now my friend is the one getting all the spotlight instead of me </3
i did not judge you on morality when i decided to distance myself from your content due to your syscourse stance. but i am judging you now by your actions. i will be reporting you for harassment and encourage everyone in my social circles to do so as well.
i am not going anywhere.
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they haven't quite turned on vcarb the way they did mclaren but from what i've read that seems to be bc daniel keeps saying "it's not the same problem as mclaren" when like idk dude if the only time you've finished a race ahead of yuki was bc you got put on softs at the end of the race it is smelling very shades of mexico '22 to me. just without the having to make up a time penalty bc u punted yuki off the track.
i can say yuki is already getting the lando treatment though. "hOW MANY RACES HAS HE WON AND YOU DARE SAY HES PERFORMING BETTER THAN AN 8 TIME GP WINNER?" (ya i'll go to the top floor of my apartment and shout it into the void through a megaphone too what are you going to do about it) only this time there's a heavy dose of racism added in. the amount of people i have seen calling yuki a "pokémon" derogatorily and refusing to admit the racist connotations there are wild. not to mention the ableist terms i've seen be used to refer to his height. it's all very gross and yet again daniel says nothing to even try to prevent it. it's wild how someone always has to get harassed by his fans regardless of if he fails or succeeds.
ok so like first of all yikes. i rly rate yuki but im v selective w my online (especially my tumblr)
experience so i rly almost never venture out of my mclaren-centred bubble, which means i never rly see what ppl say abt him. 'pokemon' is actually vile like thats so clearly racist bc its not even a pun of his name at all or any sort of reference to his personality?? AND the fact that its a cartoon w the infantilising implications of that... ku's essay on the infantilisation of east asian drivers u will always be famous.... like u guys ever noticed how nyck is also rly short and has a youthful face and nobody ever talked abt him in the way they talk abt yuki? much to think abt
now. permission to be mean here but even if its 'not the same problem as mclaren' is the problem not STILL the fact that daniel in his 10+ year career hasnt bothered to understand the way the engineering of f1 cars works in like any material way and thats the reason he always struggles to identify his driving issues / has a disconnect with his chassis unless its tailored exactly to what he already likes and knows how to drive? i saw that bit from newey's book about how max and checo give rly good feedback and so did webber and vettel and it was kind of subtly implying that during the bit in between (the daniel era) he designed less effective cars be he wasnt getting enough precise feedback.... i genuinely havent been able to sleep at night since. like it felt like smth slotted in my head like aaaah this has been the problem all along. if only daniel wasnt so busy going on podcasts making fun of the idea of women in motorsport and actually spent some time to do some way overdue physics homework... lol. Imao even
the truth of the situation is yuki is in the best form of his career and also wiping the floor w daniel. like factually so. EVEN with team orders favouring daniel so his fans cant say its bc of that like they did with mclaren. i genuinely think its quite sad the amount of personal stock daniel fans have clearly invested in this mans career and how much it bothers them when he doesnt perform to their expectations - like he's ur driver, swallow it and accept it, because thats what he's been doing to try to move on. doing all this intense online hate bullshit only makes him look bad bc it highlights how badly and for how long he rly has been embarrassingly underperforming. but by this point it feels like they WANT him to underperform bc they crave that martyr underdog victimised figure to root for and fight for - which is why ur totally right anon, that someone always inevitably gets harrassed regardless of if daniel is failing or succeeding.
i will say one thing which is that i rly dont think daniel is at all aware of whatever the fuck his fans do on twitter and instagram (and deffo not tumblr lmao). so i dont think this is an issue of like him telling his fans to chill out - and it doesnt work anyways, bc lando literally has made talking abt how much cyberbullying sucks a part of his personality and theres still some rly mean and hateful lando fans (not in a fun way like me<3 lol) (i hate on my own blog and in discord groupchats). so like thats not necessarily on him, its more on netflix for making him the lowest common denominator guy to like, ykwim? also the unfortunate reality is that despite the tshirts and the kneeling (or no kneeling) no one rly seems to stand up to defend the drivers of colour who literally constantly get SUCH vitriol thrown towards them w any occasion. im not expecting daniel of all ppl to say anything abt it ngl
#i still think we just have to wait another couple months and we'll start seeing the vcarb is mistreating daniel discourse#ive been on f1blr long enough to see the patterns#anon#ask#daniel#meta#yuki
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"But its fine to be LGBTQ+ in Australia in 2024 Australia is such an accepting country"
Get away from me.
Here is an itemised list of shit that i see around me/has happened to me. Just in my little sphere of observation I'm not talking about online or anything just circling around fucking me. Organised from shit that bothers me the least to shit that fucks me off to an unbelievable extent:
All the shallow "LGBTQ+ safe space !!!!!!!" Stickers i see at places like target (I am not talking about actual queer spaces like Dangerfield oh my god i will never ever get over the time that the person at Dangerfield asked if i would like to see their "masculine selection" like holy shit ???? Yes i would love to see the "masculine selection" thank you for not making me a man in this store- anyways) it just makes me a little mad that they just have to put a little sticker in the window and suddenly they're a "safe space" like come off it mate no one's buying your shit
Those people who say they're like supportive and then go and bag out a highly minoritsed section of the community (example taken from my current home) "I support trans people i believe trans people should be able to live and be whoever they truly are" "if my child ever told me that they wanted to use "they/them" pronouns i would assign them a gender myself" "I think all these little "microlabels" like pansexual and aromantic are fake theyre just kids looking for attention" "well apparently you can identify as a tree these days lol I'll just tell them i identify as a dog and cock my leg on them"
Other generally passive homophobic comments such as "oh you're pansexual? Does that mean you're attracted to pans?"
Walking into class and getting slurred or called an "it" or being spoken about like I'm a creature rather than a person: "Sir, can you take that thing outside" "Its not a part of this classroom" "Someone should really put a muzzle on that thing" "oh, sorry, "IT". Got my grammar mixed up."
Possibly the more upsetting part of that is the teacher, who is aware of me being trans and has been since he took our class, has not done a thing about this despite stating that he was going to do what he could to support me.
The casual biphobia/complete erasjre of my bi identity that happens like literally daily? Like hello i like both ?
The younger queer kids being targets of creeps and harassment because theyre just "attention seeking queers" and no one would believe them if they said anything
Being clocked by customers at work and having to deal with harassment surrounding my entire identity despite the fact that I'm not even out and having to pretend to have a laugh about it with my coworkers while im literally shaking and like on the verge of an anxiety attack
People fetishizing drag queens/critisizing them for not doing drag in a "traditionally correct" way. Like ?? She's not bopping he bussy for anyone but herself fuck off
My own friends not believing me/taking me seriously when i try to talk about the harassment/abuse that I face at school/at work because "its 2024 and these places are safe places and they literally said they weren't trying to be offensive"
Being outed in the workplace because i was trying to help my gf get a job (which i didnt realise was a whole thing at the time) and then being punished for not telling people about our relationship to begin with (neither of us are very out and I didn't want to put either of us in an uncomfortable position so I didn't mention it because its not their business?) my gf is no longer getting a job and i am significantly less likely to get the promotion they were talking about giving me
The sheer amount of homophobic/transphobic parents that i know of in the area (mine and my gfs included) and the fact that "allies" don't seem to understand why we won't tell these people about ourselves (especially those of us with notably abusive parents (myself and my gf included))
"Well she can't like you very much if she's not willing to tell her parents" "i just don't think she really cares about you if she's keeping you a secret" shes literally let me give her kisses at the bus stop guys she just wont tell her mom fuck off
The fact that if her parents find out they could report me to the police for grooming because even if the age gap is literally eleven months she's still a minor and the courts are more likely to convict me because im queer. This would literally end my life.
the fact that im being encouraged to leave the fucking love of my life because its "too dangerous" and if my life is ruined by her parents its her fault some how so i need to protect myself ???? What the fuck ????
And finally "You cant save everyone you know" like ???? I know that doesnt mean that the people I CARE ABOUT should have to suffer to keep ME safe. Thats fucked up.
#lgbtq#lgbtqia#lgbtq community#lgbtqiia+#lgbtqplus#queer community#lgbt pride#Australia#This shits broken#this shits crazy#this shits fucked#Trans#Transgender#Sapphics#Transmasc#Pansexual#Bisexual#Biphobia#Panphobia#homophobia#homosexual#homosexuality#gay#gay culture#bi pride#biphobes fuck off#Bigots fuckin leave#Hot takes ?#Or not#Like sorry just think i deserve to be queer?
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i like makoto too but its... interesting, to say the least, that you feel the need to explain away and justify his actions and treatment of his sister instead of just... discussing them or explaining how you think he is mentally and/or how he can make up for his actions... regardless of his theoretical mental illness and trauma, hes STILL responsible for his own actions, and his sister never deserved to be treated that way.
long post ahead sorry about it
eh i'm trying my best to not justify him. i've just been so attached to the character and he means a lot to me so him being disregarded as a creepy siscon just bothers me yk? and i made my own posts and analysis of his mental illness i suspected... i just try to not correct or confront people about it whenver they do talk about him. that scares me lol
the thing is... he can't make up for his actions? he's a comedic relief siscon character that doesn't get any depth nor character development throughout the series. what could he possibly do to redeem himself without us having to write fanfiction about it? yes, i like to imagine him being a better brother, getting help for his disorder and issues. but that's just my interpretation of a flawed and underwritten character. and a lot of it is influenced by makokuu. but canon doesn't help much here.
he's not great, but he would've had more redeeming qualities if he wasn't a one joke character. i can't really do much about it but make up my own scenarios and stories on how he could be a good brother while acknowledging he's not a great person.
kokomi doesn't deserve to be stalked and makoto being so jealous and protective of her in his disturbed ways. i agree. but some people make him out to be some sort of sexual abuser in this scenario, which he isnt. we see domestic teruhashi siblings only what 3 times? maybe 2 more if we count them going to the movies together and on christmas... id love to see more scenarios of them just being siblings. but no. most of the scenes with him were written to be an exaggerated siscon trope. to be funny...
yes he is responsible for his actions, but he does need help. the help everyone is aware he shouldve gotten long ago before his obsession morphed his perception of whats acceptable for him to do to someone he loves and cares about. but what can we do about it when we never get to see him get better?
but at the same time i simply cannot think of him as the fanon "GUYS HE WANTS TO DO DIRTY STUFF TO HER KILL THAT PERVERT" anymore. despite his nonexisting depth, im doing my best to explore his character as much as i can.
😔 yeah, i apologize for rambling or getting defensive whenever someone gives an opinion on that one boy i have an unhealthy attachment to.
i'm likely this way due to being harassed before back when i had to pretend like i only like a purified version of makoto to not have my safety threatened. i take this stuff too personally sometimes and feel genuinely threatened, apologies. a doxxing attempt over an anime boy and opinions can fuck someone up for years yk? :(
i do love this character dearly and i know i'm getting enough weird looks in the fandom for it, its even worse when my autistic ass can't explain themselves properly, my bad..
hope this long rambling session cleared some stuff up, heres a wholesome terusibs moment <3
#ask#i almost cried writing this sorry#i am not good with being confronted but im doing my best#alex rambles#saiki kusuo no ψ nan#saiki kusuo no psi nan#saiki k#makoto teruhashi#teruhashi makoto
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I literally have the same issue, with anons leaving hate messages in my inbox, I love the way you took that, without anger. I try to do that but in my case the anon who does that is dumb af and I just laugh about all the non sense it writes hahaha. However, I hope you have a wonderfull day and dont let any of those messages affect you.
thank you so much🥺 im so sorry ur dealing with it too. ppl hate anonymously because they know they are in the wrong for sending that kind of stuff. or they wouldn't be hiding their identity. when ppl hate its mainly out of jealousy or the fact that you have something they don't so they try to break you down for it. just take it as a compliment🖤💜 and i understand completely. it can be hard not to get angry especially when we haven't done anything to these ppl to deserve such cruel messages. but im so done being angry. im done being bothered by people who don't know me in the slightest. what i post online is just what i CHOOSE to show people. and its mainly just my interests. i rarely go into details about my personal life anymore. because of people who harass me. im just here to post things that make me happy💜 and if other ppl want to hate on me in the process then thats their own problem. because im not allowing it to affect me anymore. and i hope you dont either🥰 i was gonna shut my anons off because im still getting hate mail but then i saw u sent me this so i will keep em on for now. kind messages like this are the only reason i keep them on. because i know ppl are shy and don't always wanna reveal their username and thats okay! im shy too lol 😹🖤
sending u so much love˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖
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ur so quick to fight any radfem around here but when men are being awful. crickets.
you've got txttletale whos a guy living in the uk,claiming to speak for woc and palestinians. with the most racist and misogynist takes rn cause he equals hamas to arabs and says the rapes are made up. no callout post? no harrassing him?
you've got lesbophobic TRA creeps like white guy animentality who will reblog literally anything with the largest number of notes,just so he can promote his book. the worst trash who uses people's real suffering to virtue signal and make money. no callout,no harrassment.
i'm not a zionist. israel is far worse and has been committing horrifying war crimes for decades. i think the focus should NOT be on what hamas did 5 days ago but on the bombing of gaza and all the people being killed there NOW.
but u know,literally can't reblog any palestine support post because they are all made by these misogynistic losers.
i expected at least the radfems who are qualified to speak for palestine,like u,would try to expose these men and shut them down.
but no,i guess you only stick to harrassing other women for no reason,like you did with ms gay frogs not long ago. that went on for so long and you had so many receips. and i realized I NEVER SEEN you fighting any MAN like this. i can't take you seriously any more.
the first blog u mentioned is a blog i have blocked (who also has me blocked), the second blog u mentioned i’ve literally never heard of in my life.
i literally do not associate with men. i tend not to even bother wasting my time having discussions with them. i follow like 1 gay guy and that’s it. my blog has little to do with men beyond discussions of male violence and their misogyny and things of the sort. i’m not sure why you’re expecting me to go out of my way to *look* for men on tumblr to criticise, it’s not like my blog praises any of them. i already expect them to be awful and beyond helping.
i do associate with women and so if i see something questionable from women i practically associate with, i criticise it. i’ve criticised the “TEHMs” on here before for being misogynistic, and i’ve talked about the annoying men that orbit this side of tumblr but im not gonna go out of my way looking for random people on other sides of tumblr either. i already know the men over there are awful.
also the thing about ms frogs is such a lie lol. i criticised her politely in like 3 posts, it was one incident on one day, and that was it. it’s interesting u want me to look for random lesbophobic men outside of radblr to criticise but to overlook lesbophobia within radblr if it’s perpetuated by women (bc if i don’t overlook it, it’s actually harassment). is lesbophobia only bad if the person is someone i wouldn’t agree with overall?
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I am so. So sorry for posting some garbage like this but I am actually going insane and I need to get this out of my system before my head explodes
For my whole time being in this community. I have tried to be. So. So. So normal. I have always tried to be comfortable with/cool about sharing f/os cuz like. They’re not realllll and it doesn’t matterrrrr or something idk
But idk what’s going on with my idk why I am. Behaving in this way but I have started to really. Really hate sharing. Like. I don’t even know how to properly explain it because it’s never bothered me this much before. I’ve always just kind of shrugged it off when I see someone I share with. But recently I have been so???,?,,???? AHHHGGGGGGG
There is like. Actually something wrong with me. It’s not all of them. I’m actually really okay sharing like. A majority of my f/os. But there is like. Idk 2 that I will actually start ripping my hair out over.
Idk. In the past I would simply sigh and move on like it never bothered me like this before but now it’s like. I genuinely get UPSET AND ANGRY and it’s really. Embarrassing I’m so weird oughgg like. Im 19 I shouldn’t be huffing and puffing because someone likes the the same character as me. And obviously I would NEVER ever harass someone over this (worst I’ve done is blocking lol) It’s obviously not their fault I’m just. Really weird and it’s like. That’s MY guy. And it just upsets me so much. When I was like 16 I was like ‘lol idk why ppl r sooo weird abt sharing :P’ but like. Now I get it. I really reallllly get it. And it bothers me so much. And I’m just sitting here festering. And I’m so jealous and sooooo bitter. OUGHGG I bite I bite so hard
Idk I feel so ashamed cuz like. I am a grown woman there is no reason to be acting like this idk. Anyway if you read all this I’m sorry and I hope you know I am so normal actually and not bothered at all by anything.
#sorry I am being so cringe rn#idk it’s just like. these r my special guys and they’re so important to me and it makes me feel. BAD#IT MAKES ME FEEL SO BAD#I get it now I really get it.#I am feeling so yucky rn#and it’s also really hard when you have such popular f/os like I do#not even just in like. a selfship sense#I can’t go anywhere without seeing canon/canon art#seeing someone else talk about them#it also really sucks when there’s someone in the community who is REALLY popular and well loved who also likes them#it’s like. well I’m just here#Y’know#sorry I just. wanted to get this out of my system#i’ll shut up now#sorry#♡.bullet proof heart
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I think a huge flaw in mental illness spaces on like tumblr mostly (probably a bigger issue in like 2016 lol) but possibly more in general is like defining urself with what disorders uve been diagnosed with. Like i get it its a big part of your life and perception of the world depending on what you have and nothings stopping you from telling others you have it (its good to be open with people u trust. Not internet strangers though) But 1. listing all ur mental illness in ur tumblr bio or carrd or whatever is a good recipe for targeted harassment and 2. Defining yourself by what parts of you are dysfunctional is going to kill any chance of recovery and you're going to lock yourself into needing to display the symptoms to be valid. Its about your quality of life not proving what trauma you went through. Like, the goal is to lessen the symptoms. They're not you. Well sometimes they are you but. ok like. Its just not good to lock yourself into that because youre never even gonna want to aim for remission. When something becomes your identity, you don't know who you are without it, so you don't want to lose it, and you stay trapped in the worst of it. (Dont twist my words im not saying u can just get rid of a traumagenic disorder. Your brain literally grows differently. Many of those with BPD, like, the amygdala is literally bigger. It can go into remission though! It just takes a really long time and any healing work that you CAN do is going to be vital in helping yourself out in the long haul as well as the short term) Again like, good quality of life and a well-rounded, secure, positive sense of self is the goal. This isnt like a completely coherent or fleshed out thought so dont blow this up just mostly my own anecdotal experience on the matter
Also like. It's so individual. The same disorder can manifest in so many different ways for different people. Defining yourself with, like, the Big List of Symptoms...it's measuring yourself against something that might not fit you 100% and basing your "validity" off of it. Labels help but they might not always get everything and you don't need to like, measure how Valid you are compared to a non-individualized collection of symptoms. You just need to figure out what to sort out for yourself to live a better life. Connect with people who understand where you can. There's grieving yourself and there's toxic self-pity and unfortunately it's difficult to tell the difference. I don't even know where to draw that line lol. Im thinking that clearly defining that line matters less and focusing on how you can help yourself out matters more. Anyway i forgot what i was talking about There was a huge beehive somewhere outside i think there might be 2 actually. Never seen them but i can hear them when i walk up the driveway. So much about recovery is just doing the hard thing and realizing the areas where you play a part in your own suffering. It takes a while to get there. I remember being reeeeeeal bothered by that truth and not accepting it for the longest time. Not mad at myself for that. It's just part of the growing pains. You get there eventually
#This is mostly bc i remembered all the bpdcharacter urls but its a pattern i see a lot in general#And just drawing from my own experiences with myself. Not pretending to know exactly what its like for anyone else#Or telling anyone exactly how youre supposed to be thinking#Everyone has different roadblocks and horrific life events etc. Im not going to pretend i know how to account for everyones#Being traumatized isnt anyones fault but unfortunately it becomes your responsibility to heal from it#Which sucks and isnt fair. But you have to fight for urself ok. Love u
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serious post, please read
i think im comfortable enough to talk about my experiences with the chip fandom from march 2022 until february 2023, and how much it really affected me.
i never really wanted to publicly open up about this shit due to past experience and what i had to witness with many of my friends, but im kinda sick of pretending everything is fine and great on here!!
some of the shit i'll be saying under the keep reading cut may be really upsetting, please keep that in mind before proceeding (tws for suicide and harassment)
doubt anyone will read this seeing as im such a small account, but hey fucking ho lol
ughhh where the fuck do i begin
i created the starlandspoons account in the hopes of trying to warm up to the chip fandom again after enduring so much on the twitter side of it (hoping the tumblr side would be a little better) but... even with me trying to create good memories like i was able to in early 2022.... the pain i felt never subsided.
this is the part where val moans about their chip trauma!!
the main shit (im not calling this """drama""". this shit is serious) started in late february of 2022. a controversial figure in the chip fandom, gremlin, came out with an ""apology"" for her actions (i go in detail about her actions here), blaming her actions in 2020/21 on shit like "i was doing it to piss people off" and much more that i dont really want to think about. admittedly, i initially fell for this, being too naive to understand exactly how bad she was (i knew she was bad, but didnt realise how bad)
now heres where the shit really started.
back in march of 2022, i witnessed one of my friends on twitter (not naming who, i dont want them to get harassed again) get bombarded with hate + get vagueposted for not forgiving her. people started block-evading them, one person started being enbyphobic towards said person... you can get the idea here.
the first time, it did a bit of damage on the way i viewed chip. i lost my taste in it temporarily. that was, until a few days later, where i had a new hyperfixation related to chip (lil guy), which kept my love for it going for a little longer!! that hyperfixation was so strong (stronger than any of my other ones had been) it was able to keep me mostly distracted from the bad shit. mostly.
everything was cool. great. as far as i remember... until late may/early june 2022.
back in may of 2022, i became friends with someone called yuzu. they ran an account on twitter where they posted chip songs, tts songs, a/e songs, you get the picture... i became really good friends with them for a while, they were always there to listen to me, we'd talk a lot, yknow. what stood out was that nobody else i knew was that understanding. i was bullied a lot irl, and it was comforting to have that person there for you. i felt.... great!!!
the night of june 9th came, where they got blocked by my friends for "recommending a song from a bad person". they let me know about this, i checked what happened, and... it was a song from gremlin. this didnt bother me too much until i tried to explain to them that they were both problematic... they didn't listen.
i dont remember the exact details now as my brain blocked out most of it, but i remember this almost made me spiral into a meltdown, and i suddenly couldnt stand them. i blocked them because i was too uncomfortable and i was on a brink of a meltdown.
june 10th, they made a whole vent about me. guess who had a meltdown!! multiple meltdowns in the span of 2 weeks!!
how did i know?? twitter bugged out on me. the vent completely broke me. i was reminded of my ex and how they talked to me. i started getting scared of myself. i felt like a monster. i seriously wanted to kill myself.
at that point, i was waiting for my chip friends to block me because i started all of the shit this time!! shit people wanted to move on from!! my brain was convincing me that my chip friends hated me!! (and to this day i still feel like that sometimes)
i had so many more meltdowns from that time. late june, i had to defend another friend (who i'll refer to as bones, for privacy reasons) from being manipulated by them. i was so angry one of my friends went to calm me down through dms. i was so stressed out of my mind that i even went non-verbal one time, which rarely happens!!
this continued on and on and on, spending my time and energy defending my friends. i found out so much more about gremlin, even more gross shit, seeing she was friends with someone who is very openly radf*m/a t*rf (+ blamed bones for their own personal family problems), someone who was openly proshit (+ was one of the people who harassed one of my friends)... you get the picture.
this ate away at my mental health more, to the point where i started contemplating suicide. shit i dealt with irl really didnt help either.
the worst part was in january of this year where i had a really bad panic attack because i was scared bones was going to kill themself and there was nothing i could do about it. after that i gave up with the fandom because i finally accepted no matter what i did, nobody would listen.
to bones, the friend im talking about, i hope you're okay and i'm sorry i chickened out. im sorry i failed you.
i attempted to try to step my toe into the chip fandom a few months later again by creating the starlandspoons account as my vosim hyperfix was still there and i really missed the good times, but... i still felt unhappy.
i have nightmares about the chip fandom sometimes. i am constantly reliving the shit i had to witness in my head. im still feeling the anger i felt those months ago. im still getting angry at myself for not doing more to defend my friends. im still feeling suicidal (not just from the chip fandom, but its contributing to it). it all hurts so much, to this day.
im still going to post on the starlandspoons account for as long as my vosim hyperfix continues. yall are not taking that from me.
sorry for such a heavy vent post, but ive just been needing to let this out for such a long time. it's 4am, i desparately need to sleep.
i will say this a thousand times more: thank you to the chip friends who have stayed by my side despite all the shit i endured. thank you so much, you guys really mean to me. seriously, you guys do. i dont know what i'd do without you guys.
and to 3 certain people from the chip fandom (you 3 know who you are), thank you especially.
for those who read all of this, thank you for listening to silly little val. i'll be okay, i think. i hope you guys have a good day/night/whatever time it is for you. ;___;
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Just a friendly reminder to be careful what you say in chat. You never know what that stranger has been through, or is currently going through. I'll admit that I got a bit emotional during this unfortunate interaction; I'm not ashamed to admit that I have human emotions.
I was already having a very rough day, and went to play a video game to decompress. Now, I know that Path of Titans official servers aren't always the best way to do so, but I've rarely had toxic encounters, and truly enjoy playing on official servers.
For those who'd rather read the screenshots, scroll to the end of the post. Just keep in mind that the summary clarifies some things that the screenshots don't.
This is a summary of what was said. No real names/usernames are mentioned in this post except for mine:
Green = EzraThing (me)
Pink = Pink1 and Pink2 (both were part of the group who unalived me)
Purple = Purple (the other member of the group who unalived me)
Red = Red (someone who had nothing to do with this, but still had to get their irrelevant words in)
Blue = Sweetheart (an innocent soul)
Orange = Random Bystander, Another Random Bystander, Antihero, and Translates To Daddy (pretty sure you can figure it out)
(Couldn't get a screenshot of this first message, but I vividly remember saying this)
Ezra: ggs to the gqint (I meant giant) carni pack that murdered an adol duck. It was a really goofy thing. Lol
You know, a light hearted, teasing joke. The whole thing made me laugh. From the sudden ambush, to the wild goose chase. But, they got me in the end, so I was saying my "ggs".
Pink1: Giant (correcting my mistake)
Pink1: Lol a sub thal and sub chicken
Pink1: And a sarco
I didn't see the "And a sarco" until after I already sent my next message. The keyboard takes up the majority of the screen whenever I go to type.
Ezra: Sarco did the most damage
Pink1: duh
Ezra: Yeah duh, What's your point?
Was getting a little frustrated at this point since I already said ggs in a light hearted way, and they were taking this into more toxic territory.
Pink1: Ur dumb for saying that lol
Pink1: 3 is a giant number guys watch out
Yeah, 3 is a giant number for a fresh adol duck that was suddenly ambushed, and murdered, by sub-adult and adult carnis. That, and I don't have very good vision in the first place.
Ezra: How is that dumb? I'm just trying to quest in peace, you guys won, I said "ggs", end of story
Pink1: Pvp is no peace
Pink1: Ggs go quest
Ezra: Okay, thanks. Bye
Accepted the permission I apparently needed from them to go back to what I was doing before, and not be bothered anymore. Apparently this group can't even manage that.
Purple: Ewww ezra you're on xbox... Now im glad i bit you - sarco
Ezra: Mind your business
Was trying to give the hint that I was already moved on and didn't want to continue their "game".
Purple: Someone is insecure
Ezra: Considering that I'm not the one holding onto this dead conversation, I highly doubt that. Lol
Purple: Ezra you seem to take this game to heart. (Didn't get the rest of this message in the screenshot) Something along the lines of "smoke something and chill".
Ezra: Literally can't smoke, but okay. Lol
What can I say? I've got fragile lungs that can barely handle me standing behind a running car. So smoking is an absolute no-go for me.
Purple: Ezra back down to 669... RIP
Okay, so? I'm an adolescent duck, how much did you think I was going to have in the first place? Move on with your life, bro.
Purple: Ezra it's okay
Bro acting like I'm the one harassing them. They didn't seem to want to leave me alone, so I decided to try to have some fun with it.
Ezra: Do you talk like this to everyone, or am I just special~
Pink2: Ezra,shut up. I'm tired of seeing your name in the chat
Ezra: Bruh, what???
Genuinely confused at wtf is going on now, and had to reread the chat a bit to make sure that I wasn't going crazy.
Ezra: I've hardly said anything, Pink2.
Purple: ezra you're very special...
Bro was just desperate for even a sliver of my attention.
Pink2: Ezra, you're ruining the peace of the server
Yeah, 'cause it's totally my fault that Pink1 and Purple, and now you, decided to harass me.
Ezra: How am I doing that?
Pink2: Existing
... Way to tell someone who has genuinely had problems with unaliving thoughts that merely existing is causing everyone problems...
This is why you don't talk to strangers this way; you never know what the other person has gone through, or is currently going through.
Red: XD
Red: Y'all savage asf XD
Way to support toxicity, Red...
Ezra: Mute me if you really don't want to hear from me anymore, Pink2.
Pink2: Too much work
Ezra: Logged on like 30 minutes ago, and I already want to kms. Exactly what I came for. Lol
Dark, sarcastic humor is my coping mechanism. I would never tell anyone to kys, but I tend to joke about kms when I experience another one of my rough depressive episode. It rarely happens anymore. It's a tough habit to break, but I'm working on it.
Random Bystander: Global Chats Wild and extra special today, huh? Lol
Ezra: Apparently
Just trying to move on at this point, and hopefully get some fun hours in the game.
Purple: Ezra shut up
Ezra: Just mute me Purple
Pink2: Ezra seek therapy
Do people not realize how expensive therapy can get? Besides, there is no fixing me; I'm broken beyond repair, bud.
Ezra: Too expensive
Red: Alcohol isn't that expensive
Way to support alcoholism, Red...
Antihero: All u shut up love of god you dirtball swine
My hero~
Another Random Bystander: whys everyone so whiney tonight
Me: No idea, Another Random Bystander
Red: It's past their bedtime XD
Way to finally say something okay to say, Red...
Purple: Antihero shut up you're on xbox
What does this person have against xboxs?
Pink2: My bad Antihero, Ezra is being disruptive
Yeah, 'cause I'm totally the one beating a dead horse until it's a fine, brown paste staining the ground...
Antihero: i have pc 2 scrub sit down
... Still my hero?
Purple: 200 is crazy
Did they forget that people spend their marks?
Antihero: thats what your pc is worth hu fat boy
I genuinely didn't see this comment until I was scrolling through the screenshots... No longer my hero. Lol
Purple: Ez report
Purple: Player Report Successful!
Purple is desperate enough for attention to grab the lowest hanging fruit possible.
Red: Xbox solid, I sold my ps5 for xbox
Way to finally say something positive, Red...
Ezra: I just wanted to come on and enjoy this game for a bit, but apparently everybody hates me
Ezra: And wants to report me for no reason (I didn't see Antihero's comment that Purple was actually responding to until after)
Red: If it makes u feel better i also hate u
Way to immediately dwell back into the toxicity, Red...
Sweetheart: (/whisper Ezra) test
They were seeing if the whisper command worked, I guess. Lol
Antihero: ill be your friend
You literally just called someone fat earlier, bud. But thanks, I guess. Lol
Translates To Daddy: I don't hate you
... Dad?
Red: Im kidding XD
Ezra: Did you think that you didn't count as everyone?
(These were both sent at almost the same time, so it may not make the most sense) I meant it more like "Did you think that you didn't count when I said 'everyone'?" ADHD go brrrrrr-
Sweetheart: (/whisper Ezra) what is even happening right now?
Sweetheart: (/whisper Ezra) I am sorry they are being so mean
Honestly, thank you so much for reaching out to check on me. It truly does mean a lot.
Red: U cant say everyone, how can I hate (Didn't catch the end of this message, either) Something along the lines of "how can I hate someone that I don't know?"
I don't know, how can you? 'Cause you clearly do, somehow. How do you talk like this to a complete stranger?
Ezra: Well you clearly do
Ezra: (/whisper Sweetheart) Don't apologize for them; it's not your fault.
I apologize if I sounded a bit harsh. I was truly just ready to log off at this point.
Sweetheart: (/whisper Ezra) I know it isn't but the toxicity is hard to watch sometimes
(Didn't get a screenshot of my last message before logging off, but this is what it essentially was. I accidentally hit send about halfway through, so the actual chat message isn't exactly like this. Lol)
Ezra: Welp, I'm getting off for the night. Congrats Pink1, Purple, Pink2, and Red for making someone's already terrible day even worse.
I logged off before I saw any responses.
Now, for those who want to read the actual screenshots, here you go (first image is a guide on what order to read them):
#gaming#path of titans#dinosaur#multiplayer#toxic people#dark humor#reminder#be careful#emotions#emotional#gamerlife#gamer#foolish gamers#video games#my screenshots#summary#coping mechanism#bear with me
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hiiii! i absolutely adore enouement & lhc and i was wondering if you were planning on making it a whole series? with each of the boys? i honestly really enjoy the universe you made and the whole dynamic between each of the character. i also really enjoyed a chubby reader that is about other insecurites rather than their weight. it was refreshing!! i'm not trying to pressure you or anything i am just really curious. i do really enjoy your writting :D <3
so im kissing u on da mouth rn for this ask /j
first of all i wanna say it: ur so sweet!!!! thank u for enjoying my writing!! it means a lot <3
aaa okay so fun fact.... i had like... two more fics kind of planned for tht universe? one was another chubby reader w vernon (i think i've talked abt it before maybe?) and another was a gn!reader with dino where they were fake dating. vn fic has more planned for it as of rn (it kinda deals w some fatphobia n body image issues that arent exclusive to reader!!) and genuinely feels like a slightly heavier read? but its still something i'd enjoy writing lol
like at one point in lhc i mention seungkwan having to give up movie tickets and chan immediately snatches them up bc the other two ppl were vernon and a friend? that friend was gonna be the reader of dino fic!! they're friends lol the entire premise was "ppl gettin fuckin NOSY abt chan not dating anyone so he pitches the idea to his friend with a plan to stage a breakup later and whoops idiots fell for each other" bc im a cliche bitch!! which tbh could work as a later fic if i decided to write more members before then bc i could hit maybe on the pressure of dating someone when ur friends all start getting together w ppl. theres less planned for this one (i wanted to finish planning vn fic since chronologically it happens after lhc but before dino fic) but i did have like. a long convo planned out of chan dumping reader bc he caught feelings and his friends confronting him over it.
im not sure if i'm 100% down to write a fic for each member but like... i do genuinely rly like this universe? i'd have to keep track of how much time has passed between fics tho since LHC takes place a few months after enouement and untitled vernon fic takes place like... the following fall? im using western school year shit sue me lmao
but i'd at least be interested in doing it!! idk if i'd do multi-part fics for ever member or if i'd go back to a longfic like enouement for a few of them. i feel like there's def potential for more set in the universe! esp considering the number of members still in school lmao
like im open to a fem!reader in general. im open to more fem!chubby readers bc i rarely find those fics myself and im happy to help other ppl in my boat like... find representation written specifically for them yknow? but im also open to more gn!readers for the saga? i think i'd def want a balance in there ykno if im gonna write more fem!reader fics. i wouldnt want every fic to be fem!reader bc i feel like thats unfair to ppl who dont identify that way yknow?
also idk just know it like... genuinely means a lot to hear feedback on lhc and ppl who are glad i wrote a chubby reader whos insecurities arent fully abt her weight? lhc didnt really net that much attention which is fine lmao i really don't write for the attention i'm getting otherwise i'd write for a bigger group too. its just nice to know that other people also were kinda bothered by the way chubby reader fics default to the "im insecure bc im not hot :(" mentality since imo being chubby is like... way more than that. it just weirdly reinforces the idea that we should hate ourselves and our bodies for just existing.
like. vernon fic would have a chubby reader who deals with body insecurities but its more so "people are harassing me now bc of my body and its making me self conscious after i finally thought i grew past hating myself" than just the generic "i think i am ugly :(" feelings if that makes sense? also theres a reason for that harassment (this fic was Also once a smau like lhc was). like i said, kind of a heavier fic compared to lhc.
anyway ill stop rambling but to answer ur question for good: im interested! nothings really on the table outside of vernon + dino fics, but im def interested >:3
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Hello dear!!! imma make a tooth rotting fluff imagine request in which kenma, sakusa, wakatoshi and kageyama(you can add others if you want uwu) have a secret relationship with reader chan and somehow their team finds out and they start to freak out since their relationship is a secret? lol this is too long but im just craving fluff. thankk youuu!!!!
I saw your requests, goregous- sorry it took so long!! I love you, hope you guys enjoy!!
Thank you for 2.5k followers-you guys make me want to combust (in a good way)!!!
Getting Found Out in a Secret Relationship (Kenma, Sakusa, Wakatoshi, and Kageyama)
“Experiencing the Unexpected”
-------------------------------
Kenma
“...You’re positive no one’s going to come in?”
“Relax. Kuroo left the clubroom keys with me, and everyone knows I skip today’s practice.” Kenma responds quietly, leaning his head on yours as you stop looking nervously at the door, your boyfriend swiping his thumb over your conjoined hands to calm you down. You fiddle with the pastry in your hand as Kenma chews the other half, content with finally getting some private time with you. Avoiding you or at least pretending to care less about you was more straining than he thought.
“Why don’t we just tell him? Kuroo and the team wouldn’t bother you forever-”
“Then you clearly don’t know them well enough.” The setter huffs as you bite back an amused grin, planting a small peck on Kenma’s cheek as the setter’s eyes widen mid-chew, glancing down at you smiling a cute smile to yourself.
“Then whatever you’re comfortable with, love. I won’t rush you.”
“Can I say something?” Kenma mumbles shyly, finishing off his half of the pastry and basking in the quiet of your environment as you lick some frosting off your thumb, turning towards him with an arched brow.
“I really really like you, Y/N.” Kenma says quietly, and your eyes widen a fraction before a huge smile breaks out onto your face- he only ever had to say the most heart-wrenching things at the randomest moments. Your smile only grew when a timid hand cups your cheek, your own hand running through Kenma’s long hair affectionately as he shyly peppers kisses across your cheek-
your giggles apparently loud enough for both of you to fail to hear the fiddling of the lock.
“Kenma, you bastard! How many times-?”
You shove Kenma off right away, a red hue to your cheeks as you catch sight of the rest of the team standing behind their captain wide-eyed and bewildered at seeing their anti-social setter in a locked clubroom kissing a girl-
Through your blushing haze, your mouth hangs agape at Kuroo not even reacting, winking at you once with a grin in greeting before grabbing Kenma by the collar.
“You’re skipping practice again?!”
Yaku sweatdrops. “Oh. So we’re pretending like Y/N wasn’t locked in a room with Kenma voluntarily?”
“Were they...cuddling?”
“Lev, I’m sorry I didn’t shield your eyes on time-”
“...you knew?” Kenma ignores his idiotic teammates, more focused on the fact that Kuroo hadn’t even batted an eyelash before the captain simply shrugs, spinning his own set of keys on his finger.
“I have my ways.”
“That means you stalked him.”
“I prefer the terms, quietly followed-”
“Can we please focus on the fact that Kenma was showing genuine human emotion to a girl out of his league-”
You turn to your boyfriend amongst the bickering teammates, lopsided grin on your face as Kenma groans into his hands. With your own red hue on your cheeks, you hug him, observing the chaos before kissing his cheek- sending the team into another gasp of shock as Kenma sighs, looking at you with a why? expression on his blushing features.
“Cat’s out of the bag then, huh?”
“...a pun. We just got found out and your first reaction’s a pun.”
Sakusa
“You didn’t have to wait up for me.”
“I know! I did because I want to.” You shoulder your bag with a small greeting smile on your face- one that had the stiff boy’s chest tighten just a little bit as Sakusa merely nods once. You arch a brow at the high rise of his chest, coy grin tugging at your lips-
“Did you run here?”
“Of course I didn’t.”
You laugh a little, taking note of his still-wet hair and sloppily shoved gym bag, walking up to him to straighten his mask for him. “You’re teammates aren’t the least bit suspicious?”
“Ha. Those idiots don’t know how to be suspicious.” Sakusa says, thankful they had all gone home already as you sit down on the nearby bench to help re-pack his gym bag that you knew was obviously bothering him. You laugh a little, knowing where to put what in the way Sakusa liked- and a rare tender feeling spread across his chest as he tugged his mask down before he could convince himself otherwise.
“Y/N.”
“Hm?” You question, not looking up from sorting his towel from his shoes before pale fingers gently tilt your head upwards- taking you off-guard as Sakusa makes an exception and plants a chaste kiss on your forehead, clearing his throat and tugging his mask back up quickly. You smile, cherishing the rarity of the moment before-
“I CALLED IT.”
“Bokuto-san, he might hear us!”
“...He definitely heard you, are you slow?”
Sakusa hangs his head, a slow burn on his cheeks as he tugs you behind him from your seat on the bench, glowering at the floor as his three annoying teammates pop their heads timidly around the corner of the practice gym.
“Oh heeeeeey Sakusa.” Atsumu laughs a little too loudly as Bokuto follows in suit, looking around as if he were lost as Hinata mimicks him, and you peek over your boyfriend’s shoulder to muffle a laugh into the back of his jacket. Sakusa glances at you, eyes softening a little at your actions.
“Fancy seeing you here!” Hinata waves to you mostly as Sakusa sighs, eyes looking up darkly.
“You’re all vermin.”
“What, it’s not like we followed you because we were suspicious of your secret rendezvous with Y/N even though I totally called dibs first-”
Atsumu clamps his mouth shut at the glower in his friend’s eyes before clearing his throat. “A joke. It was a joke.”
“Waaaa Y/N, we’re your friends too! Why keep it a secret?” Bokuto whines, suddenly next to you as Sakusa wonders just when the excited ace made his way over, holding you by the shoulders as Hinata clenches his fists, orange eyes asking in the same fashion. Atsumu blinks, suddenly all alone as you stutter- attacked at all angles at once.
“You would mess with Kiyoomi at practice if you knew.” You scold, and all three take on an offended expression that had you giggling. “What? Don’t tell me you wouldn’t.”
“No use, Y/N.” Sakusa tugs you out of the herd, finally reaching his limit for the day. “Let’s just go home while we can still count our braincells-”
“Wait. You two live together?!”
“Show us your place! Show us your place!” Bokuto and Hinata chant as Atsumu crosses his arms with a winning smirk as you put a hand on your boyfriend’s chest, pouting all the while before Sakusa facepalms.
“Fine. Bring your germ-infested pets into the flat, Y/N.”
Ushijima
“You’re tense.”
“Yeah? Wouldn’t you be?” You look at the entrance to the gym a second time before Ushijima shrugs, holding you a little closer as he nuzzles his face into his shoulder. He hadn’t meant to keep you a secret, but it was crucial that no press ever found out and harassed you about the details of the intimate life he wished to keep hidden.
“Practice doesn’t start until another hour. They have no reason to come in here yet.”
“Still, it’s risky- we can just...”
“Y/N.” You stop fidgeting at the authoritative tone of your boyfriend’s words as Ushijima’s arms tighten around you a little more, and you blush at the position. Your back was pressed up against the broad boy’s chest, sitting in between his legs comfortably as he simply soaked in your presence while mumbling into your hair.
“I haven’t seen you in awhile. Did I miss you more than me? Is that why you’re more focused on my team walking in on us than this time we have together?”
You groan at the tug of your heart, pouting up at your boyfriend as you turn a little to do so. “Come on, don’t guilt trip me like that!”
“Cute.”
“Stop.” You whine, and the corners of Ushijima’s lips tug a little before he gently cups your jaw upwards, brushing your nose with his as you gulp at the proximity.
“You missed me, didn’t you?”
“S-Stop stating the obvious.” You blush, agitated look in your eyes as Ushijima simply allows a small smirk onto his lips- your cute response prompting him to close the distance. You smile into the kiss, feeling his arms hold you a little closer as you basked in the rare affection you ever got to share away from prying eyes-
The sliding of the door had you shoving out of your boyfriend’s hold as your now-widened eyes caught sight of a head of red hair. A familiar one, at that- as you hide your face into Ushijima’s neck.
“Tendou. I saw you.” Your boyfriend’s voice wasn’t even embarrassed as you hear the door creak open again, his friend’s voice filling the gym in a slightly teasing tone.
“I didn’t want to interrupt, carry on!”
To your horror, a second voice sounds as Semi Eita kicks the redhead out of the way. “You’re perverted and annoying? The good traits just keep coming, huh?”
“S-Semi-senpai, is that not assault?”
“It’s only assault in any other case that isn’t Tendou.” Shirabu responds to Goshiki as the team all file in, and you blink at the fact that your boyfriend didn’t look the least preturbed at the situation- merely sighing as if this were a minor inconvenience as he rubs your thigh, attempting to calm you down but simply making the situation worse.
Shirabu takes a purposeful step in front of Goshiki with a sigh as Tendou over-dramatically gasps, prompting you to shove Ushijima’s hand away as Semi crosses his arms, the only one still seemingly sane.
“Y/N L/N’s your girlfriend, Ushijima?”
You feel his head nod.
“Cool.” Semi shrugs before going to set up the net as Ushijima finally releases you, and you stand before bowing deeply in apology- for what at the time, you didn’t know.
“You’re...cute?”
“Why would you say that in a disbelieving tone, Tendou-”
“I...I need to get a girlfriend to become the best ace...!”
“I’d appreciate it if you all don’t let the public find out.” Ushijima ignores the strange antics of his team as they all shrug and nod, and their captain glances down at your still shocked figure before turning you to face him seriously.
“...They know about us.”
“Oh really? I couldn’t tell.”
Kageyama
“Tobio! You did so well-!”
Your eyes widen a little when the blue-eyed boy picks up the pace towards your waving figure in the halls of the tournament, sighing as he leans his forehead on your shoulder, hands still shoved in his pockets as the upper half of his torso is now parallel to the floor. His gym back drooped with his movement as you still in shock at the public display- when your whole relationship had ever happened behind closed doors.
“Someone might see...” You say softly, and Kageyama grunts in reply, basking in the feel of you as you blush, running your hand softly through his raven hair.
“Tired?”
“You have no idea. When I saw some asshole talking to you in the stands during my game and I couldn’t-”
“Breathe.” You laugh a little as Kageyama lifts his forehead off your shoulder to stare at you seriously. “Where’s your team?”
“In the stands over-eating.” He shrugs, hands snaking around your waist, causing you to yelp a little as the blue-eyed boy buries his face in your neck. “God, I missed you.”
“You can miss me in a more private place, you know.” Your eyes dart everywhere before smiling into Kageyama’s hair, relaxing the slightest bit as Kageyama brushes his lips against your cheek as he pulls back.
“I want to show you off. Why do I want to keep this secret again?”
You blush at the affectionate words, wondering if the time you had to avoid each other was taking a toll on him, before cupping his cheek carefully-
“That’s what we’d like to know, Romeo.”
“Ooh, that rhymed Ryuu.”
You watch as your boyfriend’s face slowly melts into one of realization, his head slowly turning to see all of the Karasuno volleyball club staring with some sort of food in their hands- watching as if this were the most interesting film of the year.
Kageyama’s soul seems to slowly leave his body, and you offer a wave of your hand a bit awkwardly as Tsukishima nudges Hinata with his shoulder, chewing on a granola bar snarkily.
“I told you so. Cough up five bucks.”
“How does Kageyama-Kun have a girlfriend?! Does she even know him?!!”
“Is...is that a legitimate question, Hinata?” Yamaguchi, mostly dragged along in the plan of following a suspicious escaping setter after they won their match, scratches the back of his neck.
“Now, now- Don’t crowd.” Suga laughs, walking up to you and slinging a friendly arm over your shoulder before lowering his voice.
“But in all seriousness, you’re not in danger or anything- right?”
“Suga!” Daichi tugs his friend back as Kageyama puts his face in his hands before taking a deep breath, and for a second you think he’s really going to handle the situation really well-
You blink when he grabs your hand.
“Run.”
“Tobio, we don’t have to-”
“Run.”
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General works: @savemesteeb @kasandrafaye @dreebbles @takemetovalhalla @yams046
#haikyuu!!#haikyuu#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu scenarios#haikyuu fluff#haikyuu kenma#KENMA#Kenma Kozume#haikyu kenma#haikyuu sakusa#sakusa#haikyuu kageyama#kageyama tobio#kageyama x reader#haikyuu ushijima#ushijima
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these days I've been trying to understand how so many fans ended up blaming kyle for cartman's ending and well i think a lot of other people here have covered that already but i just wanted to add a little bit of my personal experience with the post covid special. so well, just as everybody else i was expecting a lot more of character development and heart to heart moments between the boys like that stan-randy convo that i think would have been more fitting bettween kyle and stan but oh well:), the thing is, right as the whole cartman vs kyle fight was going on i remember asking out loud "is kyle ever gonna get any retribution? is cartman ever gonna admit all the horrible things hes done to him and at least apologize?" then the ending rolled in and tbh i didnt feel anything for cartman, like at all, no sadness or happiness, i didnt feel like it was karma being served like some have said or felt like cartman was a poor hero who got a tragic ending, i just thought "woah... matt and trey really would rather take cartman's family and make him homeless then ever let him fucking own up to his mistakes and apologize" i kinda felt like wendy on that breast cancer episode, when she is telling cartman shes gonna beat him up for making fun of cancer and despite wendy giving him multiple chances to apologize cartman chooses to fucking eat his own underwear and shit on the teacher's desk in front of everyone instead of just saying sorry. like, be honest, we all know cartman would have kept his family had he not been so stuborn on trying to kill kyle. His hate for kyle is LITERALLY what ended up wiping his family bc his wife and kids would rather fucking die than "be like kyle" and dude i don't know if the whole thing with his kids is genetic or if he taught them to hate kyle but either way, its still his family's hate for kyle that ended up destroying them. when kyle popped up with his kids i wasn't really excited about it at first bc i was still pretty mad that cartman managed to not pay apologies where it was due... again, like i hope im not the only one who thinks this but cartman's suffering gives no retribution to all the people he's hurt, him being homeless isnt a good replacement of a propper apology to kyle, butters and heidi... like ill admit i feel a bit strongly about it bc guess what? my faves are kyle, butters AND heidi so yeah. i mean when the first trailer dropped i was really excited about the possibility of a redeemed cartman bc a properly redeemed cartman means kyle and butters get to finally live their lives in peace. i thought if there is any time to give cartman, stan and kyle a major character development is now, but well we got nft and space jams jokes i guess?? i dont know, it's just, i agree with a lot of the arguments from the people who ended up blaming kyle but its that whole "blame the victim" mentality that bothers me, and also the fact that it seems like thats what matt and trey were going for. like, the whole "cartman's hate for kyle is on his genes" joke is pretty funny ngl, but paired with cartman's antisemitism and all the times he's fucking sexually harassed kyle is just...yikes. also, this is pretty minor but i dont get how so many people ended up attached to cartman's family, like i did find them funny but the only thing they had going on is that they are cartman's family and they hate kyle lol also the fact that yentl was a rude guest and her scene with cartman ugh, like i know the point of that is that kyle's jealous bc he doesnt get how someone like cartman gets to have a family and blablabla but honestly it would be totally understandable and relatable if he was just annoyed bc couples being affectionate in public is fucking disgusting, like dont fight me on that, get a fucking room (your OWN room in YOUR house) no one wants to see that shit lol. like same with heidi, i love her but i always skip her scenes with cartman bc gay fatigue. so yeah i didnt find yentl or the kids all that likable and i don't really feel anything for their ending, rip i guess.
if anyone bothered to read all this
uhm... thanks? this is honestly just how i feel about the special, ive seen cartman stans wish the worst on kyle so yeah im just allowing myself to leave a few my ugly thoughts out there, see if anyone agrees. the whole debate is pretty death by now so i doubt this will do anything.
#south park#eric cartman#sp kyle#sp cartman#South park meta#Meta#SP#return of covid#kyle broflovski#postcovid#post covid special#sp post covid#south park fandom
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Hello everyone! So here is a fic that I left in my askbox for a hot minute lol. This was all submitted by an anon who you may or may not have seen a few times. This is a compilation of all of the asks and the whole story.
My comments will be in green, any notes from the author will be in blue and the rest will be in the normal text color.
PLEAAASEE be careful if you are sensitive to the following subjects:
Tw: Child Abuse, torture, multiple abusive foster homes, bondage(kinda, quirk inhibiting cuffs), Heavy injury, blood, smoking,
im currently running on no sleep and a bottle of pepsi, sour this is sloppy asf I apologize in advance 😗
im in an angst mood, so i come with this.
Tokoyami’s biological parents abandoned him when he was four. To this day he has no idea why, and has very little memory of them. All of his memories take place in one of the seven abusive foster homes he lived in before he entered U.A.. Over the course of that time, Fumikage has accumulated a large variety of scars, from deep, jagged scars, to cigarette burns, to just really, really bad bruises. Out of all the foster homes he’s been in, none of Fumikage’s foster parents have been fond of mutants, or mutant-type quirks. In several of the foster homes, Fumikage was forced to wear quirk suppressant cuffs 24/7, since his parents “didn’t want a monster running rampant in their house.” Between his mutation, and the violent tendencies of Dark Shadow, Fumikage was basically what nobody wanted in a child. His foster parents would yell every possible derogatory insult at Fumikage, saying he should’ve never been born, even though they weren’t even his real parents. Over time, the verbal abuse would mess with Fumikage’s mind. He’d stare at himself in the mirror, wondering why he was born the way he was, and why he’s the monster everyone says he is. And just when he thought the verbal abuse couldn’t get any worse, as he got older, his foster parents would resort to physical punishment. At first, it wasn’t that bad, at least, in Fumikage’s eyes. Just a slap here and there, plus some cigarette burns on his arms and shoulders. It was painful, but he fought through it, knowing no one would come to help him. But over time, the “discipline” would get even more brutal. It doesn’t matter what he did, every little thing seemed to set his parents off. From accidentally breaking something, to giving a snide comment unannounced, it wasn’t often that Fumikage went to bed at night without being beaten sometime before then. He would be pinned down by his throat and violently beaten with whatever blunt object was nearby. He eventually gave up trying to apologize, as it somehow only upset his parents even more. Once, when he was eleven years old, Fumikage was beaten with a glass vase after pushing one of his foster siblings. The glass eventually shattered, and the broken ends of the vase dug into Fumikage’s back, leaving horrible, jagged cuts all over him. Witnessing Fumikage being beaten day after day made Dark Shadow feel overwhelmingly guilty. Fumikage was in quirk suppressant cuffs ninety percent of the time, so Dark Shadow was pretty much helpless in most situations. Those damned cuffs made it feel like an invisible wall was put up between where Dark Shadow resided, and the outside world. A wall that agonizingly sat between Dark Shadow, and Fumikage’s safety. There were nights when Fumikage lay flat on his back, staring at the ceiling, his body numbed by pain. Whether he was laying in a bed or not, unfortunately varied by foster home. But it was on those nights where Dark Shadow would apologize profusely to Fumikage, saying that they’re nothing more than the monster that brought misery to Fumikage’s life. Saying that they’re the reason Fumikage gets beaten so often, and yet do nothing to help him. They vow that once they’re in a safer home, away from their abusers, that they will always protect Fumikage. Always. But by then…Fumikage had already fallen asleep.
Overall, Tokoyami’s home life…was nothing worth smiling about. Thankfully, his time at school was less painful. He often got comments about his looks, saying that he was ugly and all that, but by then, he was more than used to it. Eventually, he faded into the shadows (no pun intended) at most of his schools. He eventually was just forgotten about, which truthfully, didn’t bother him. It was a bit lonely, sure, but it was much better than constantly being beaten simply for existing. In Fumikage’s eyes, school was just a break from his disastrous home life. Though, he tended not to talk during class, and had very little interaction with his teachers, for…reasons. Even so, it was actually during his first year of middle school where Fumikage discovered his dream of being a hero. Just because he was spared from the excessive discrimination of mutants, others happened to be less fortunate. Fumikage would witness how his fellow mutants were treated by others. They had their work stolen, their bags dumped out, over were overall just treated like dirt compared to everyone else. So anytime Tokoyami saw a fellow mutant, or anyone really, being bullied, he’d go and help them, telling them that they don’t deserve to take shit for the way they look, or what their quirk is, and that quirks don’t make villains, it’s how those quirks are used, meaning that the people bullying them are more like villains than they will ever be. With his newfound motivation, Tokoyami decided that he wanted to become a hero to show others that they don’t have to fear who they were born to be, or, as he put it, “To not be daunted by their inner darkness. Instead, to embrace such, and with it, become your best self.” Love that for him honestly. One of the students he helped was a tall, slim girl with a head reminiscent to that of an elephant, her most notable feature being her long trunk that was about the length of her entire upper body. She was shy, and avoided any sort of conflict like the plague. At one point she was harassed by another group of girls, before Tokoyami came and stopped them. He gave his long winded, motivational speech to her, and saying she was grateful was quite the understatement, and the next day, as a thank-you gift, gave Tokoyami a red choker, saying that it was just like the one Dark Crystal wore, knowing how much Tokoyami admired the hero. (In other words, he never shut up about him) Tokoyami relayed his gratitude countless times to her, and the two agreed to become friends, even though they wouldn’t see eachother often. Reluctantly, the girl also pointed out the horrible scars and bruises on Tokoyami’s neck, and figured that he’d want to cover them. Tokoyami stiffened at the mention of his scars, but continued thanking her anyway. The two often saw eachother in the halls and waved at one another, on friendly terms, but strangely enough, they never spoke again.
It was also around that time that he became more interactive with Dark Shadow, and began to explore more darker concepts. He founded a love for reading, specifically horror novels and manga. He also became fascinated with poetry (specifically the edgy variety), both reading and writing it. He found that writing poetry gave him an outlet for expressing both himself, and Dark Shadow’s feelings, without having to risk angering his foster parents. Eventually, the tone found written by his favorite poets began to make its way into Fumikage’s speech patterns. He felt more comfortable with it, and it wasn’t something people easily understood, which ultimately meant his foster parents would just ignore him, thinking he was going through an emo phase. And miraculously, it worked. Although he was still physically and verbally abused throughout his middle school years, his foster parents eventually backed off, as Fumikage became more introverted. Now, he’d look in the mirror at all of his scars, and use his past trauma as motivation for becoming a hero. Though, it wasn’t easy. Those painful memories would always come flooding back whenever he looked at those scars. Since he spent most of his life surrounded by abusive adults, he believed that most adults were the same way, and refrained from speaking with adults at all, in fear of angering them. Hearing them yell would make him flinch out of pure instinct, and being stuck alone with an adult would make him an anxious mess. But he did his best to mask this fear with the brooding, edgy side of him. It was his best, and pretty much only way of coping with this fear. He tried his best to overcome his anxiety, but it was never that easy. But he managed to get through middle school mostly unscathed.
And finally, after three agonizingly long paragraphs, Fumikage makes it into U.A.. Of course, that didn’t exempt him from any of his current foster parent’s rules. He had to keep quirk cuffs in his bag at all times, and if he came home without them on, he would be beaten. Tokoyami remained obedient, not wanting to show up to his first day at U.A. beaten half to death. Armed with his scars, his motivation, and of course, Dark Shadow, Tokoyami entered U.A with confidence. And everyone… was so nice???? Almost immediately after he sat in his designated seat in class 1-A, people came up to him, talking to him. He met a variety of different students, some more…mellow than others. But overall, he liked his class. But the teacher? Well…not so much. In Tokoyami’s eyes, the man who dubbed himself their homeroom teacher, Mr. Aizawa, was completely and utterly terrifying. ‘He probably has a machete hidden in that sleeping bag ready to kill us at any moment-‘ Dark Shadow said on the first day. Tokoyami couldn’t help but agree. But not in a comedic way. Something about Aizawa was all too reminiscent of one of his foster fathers, specifically the one who gave him all of the scars on his back, after beating him with a glass vase. Any time he was around him, he was anxious. But eventually, little did Fumikage know, this man who he deemed “terrifying” would eventually become one of the people he trusted the most.
okay okay I’ll stop for now, I’ll write more eventually, but I’ll wait until this is answered so I won’t be flooding your asks, and I promise I will never submit anything this long ever again 😖
part 2 yee yee
also, as you can tell, i have heavily observed canon, and elected to ignore it :)
Fumikage’s year so far was hectic. No, scratch that. It was hellish. It seemed like everywhere the class went together, they were attacked by villains. Aizawa seemed to be getting more and more tired by the day. Fumikage didn’t blame him, as he had a class full of trouble magnets. But following the skirmish at the forest training camp, and All Might’s retirement, things seemed to be looking up, at least a little bit. However, there was rumor going around that U.A. was planning to implement a form system, leaving Fumikage with mixed feelings. One on hand, he was ecstatic. He could finally, even if it was just for a short time, get away from his foster home. The training camp incident left Fumikage shaken more than he’d like, and having to deal with verbal abuse at the hands of his father wasn’t doing him any favors. After being released from the hospital, his father berated him four what felt like hours after hearing that he’d lost control of Dark Shadow. The day he got home, without any second thought, his father grabbed him by his shirt collar (which hurt more than it should have due to the fresh bruises on Fumikage’s back) and mercilessly screamed at him. Even though it only lasted about ten minutes, it felt like forever. He was forced to stand just inches away from his father, the thick smell of cigarette smoke emitting from his breath. Dark Shadow shrunk within him, trying desperately to drown out the heinous comments that they’re directly responsible for. Following the “lecture”, as his father like to call it, Fumikage was put back into his quirk cuffs, but this time, as what his parents described as a “precaution”, he had a thick, tight quirk suppressant collar locked around his neck. It dug through Fumikage’s skin, and it felt like he was being strangled. Even so, just like everything he’d been through up to that point, he had to bear with it. He tiredly trudged back to his room, or, well, it was a linen closet. He had a small pile of blankets that acted as his bed, as well as several books lined up neatly against the wall. He’d read most of them several times already, but other that his phone, it was pretty much his only source of entertainment. The closet was always freezing, and he was rarely allowed out. But Fumikage always forced himself to be grateful for having a roof over his head at all, since he knew there were always going to be people who were less fortunate. With a sigh, he lay down on his small pile of blankets. He curled up within himself, trying his best to keep warm. Normally, one of his siblings slip whatever packaged food their parents gave them under the door. It always tasted like it went bad two weeks ago, but at this point, to Fumikage, fuck it, food was food. But much to his dismay, Fumikage’s parents told him that he was “on punishment”. And while on punishment, he knew well enough, that they refuse to feed him. Over the last 18 months that he’d been living in that foster home, he’d been on punishment five times, and during that time, he lost a very unhealthy amount of weight, and his overall health tanked. But, like he said for every terrible thing that’s befallen him over the past 12 years, he was used to it. So, Fumikage went the next three days without eating a single thing.
But it was after those three days, when Fumikage’s life changed. Whether it was for better or worse, he was forced to wait and see.
One morning, or…was it evening? It was hard to tell when you’re stuck in a dark linen closet with no sense of time whatsoever. But anyway, Fumikage woke up shivering, not that he wasn’t used to that. But he did hear the faint sound of his parents talking. However, there was one other voice. Fumikage’s hearing wasn’t the best, with him being a bird and everything, but he knew that voice. He knew that voice from anywhere. It was Aizawa’s. Fumikage forced himself up. His back was stiff, and the thick collar around his neck weighed him down. His stomach was begging for food, but that wasn’t important. He smoothed out his feathers best he could, and quietly opened the closet door. He could hear Aizawa conversing with his parents, and they talked about the newly constructed dorms. Aizawa explained that for the Fumikage’s safety, he requested that Fumikage lives in a secure dorm system. He’d have his own room, full access to a kitchen full of food, and of course, he’d have a common space to mingle with his peers. To Fumikage, it sounded like heaven, but unfortunately, his parents weren’t having it. They went on and on about how Fumikage would put his peers in danger with his destructive quirk. Aizawa, thankfully, wasn’t willing to put up with them either. He went on to tell them about how Fumikage has excelled with the control of Dark Shadow. Fumikage felt a warm feeling in his stomach after hearing his teacher, that same one he’s so afraid of, speak so highly of him. But there was one thing that left Aizawa’s mouth that his parents really couldn’t respond to. “Well, why not let Fumikage have a say in this? Where is he?” he asked them. There was something about his teacher’s tone that showed that he knew exactly what he was doing. Fumikage looked down at himself. He was still wearing the same black long sleeved shirt and blue jeans that he’d worn three days ago. His quirk cuffs were tight around his wrists, and his collar, though he’d gotten used to the feeling, was madly uncomfortable around his neck. He had two choices. Go down there and let Aizawa witness firsthand the extent of Fumikage’s constant neglect, and risk being punished even further by his parents, or play it safe, and potentially let Aizawa find him on his own. But…the world was never that nice to him, so instead, Fumikage heard an irritated sigh, and footsteps coming up the stairs. Hurriedly, Fumikage shut the closet door and sat back down against the wall. Just moments later, he watched the closet door open, and felt his father’s sultry gaze fall on him. He grabbed his arm and pulled him up to his feet. He took the cuffs off of Fumikage, and let them fall to the floor. Before taking off the collar, he leaned down, glaring daggers at his foster son. “You say anything out of place boy, and I reopen those cuts on your back, god help you.” he said in a low growl. Fumikage stiffened, the memory of jagged glass tearing his skin open flashing through his mind. He nodded, and took a breath of air as the collar was removed. He really didn’t care that all he breathed in was cigarette smoke. That feeling of being strangled by a metal collar was finally gone, even if just for a little while. His father grabbed his wrist, and dragged him down to the living room, where Aizawa sat across from his mother.
Aizawa knew right away that there was something seriously off. Tokoyami had a few feathers out of place, and his shirt hung limply over him. He looked like he hadn’t eaten in a week. But what pisses Aizawa off the most, was something Tokoyami was clearly trying to hide, and that was the dark ring of bruises around his wrists. He really needed to confront his student about how these two were treating him. But for now, he just needed to get the kid to agree to move into the dorms. He watched the avian teen sit down between his two caretakers. The boy looked very uncomfortable, almost afraid. Aizawa felt his gaze soften upon seeing his student in the state he was, but he had to do what he came here for. So he directed his gaze to Tokoyami, and asked him his thought of moving into U.A.’s dorms. It concerned him hearing how fast Tokoyami answered. “I’d be glad to.” He responded almost instantly. “It would be a great opportunity to get to know my peers better, no?” He looked to his mother, who gave him an irritated look. Aizawa held back a smirk. The kid had a way with words, that was for sure. Aizawa cleared his throat, and spoke up. “Well, it seems he’s all for it.” he said, looking at the two adults in front of him. They looked very unamused. The boy’s mother rubbed her temples, and sighed. “Fine, fine.” she grumbled. “But if Fumikage has any issues with behavior whatsoever, so let us know.” She said, giving her son a pointed look. Aizawa nodded, and stood up. “I doubt that will be an issue, he’s very well behaved.” he said, tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ear. His eyes fell to his student. He once again noticed the loose feathers sticking out from the sides of the boy’s head. There were only about two or three, but Aizawa took the initiative anyway. He leaned down toward Tokoyami, and smoothed out his feathers carefully. The boy stiffened, but relaxed. Once Aizawa was satisfied, he stood back up. Tokoyami brought a hand to the side of his head, and gave Aizawa a dumbfounded look. The man gave him an amused look, and turned around toward the door. “I’ll see you in a few days, Tokoyami.” he said, laying his hand on the doorknob. The teen nodded in response, and Aizawa left the house.
As soon as he shut the door, Aizawa clenched his fists. Of course he noticed Tokoyami’s disheveled-looking appearance. But there was one thing, one tiny little thing, that Tokoyami did. Since the moment he sat down, to the moment Aizawa left. Tokoyami rested one arm on his leg, and began tapping his knee. Aizawa didn’t think much of it at first, but then he remembered something he learned while he was still in training. Whenever someone did that, no matter the age, it was a warning sign. Tokoyami was trying to get his attention the entire time.
There was something seriously wrong.
And that’s it for part two I suppose. I feel like this part is significantly worse than the last one, but when it comes down to it, consistency isn’t my thing 🙃
i forgot to proofread part two before submitting it so uh….if there are typos to there aren’t <3
Its perfectly fine!! I never saw them~
part 3 let’s goooo
After Aizawa left, Fumikage relaxed his hand over his knee. He really hoped his teacher noticed his warning sign, but whether he did or not, he was still stuck with his parents until he moved into the dorms. A sudden wave of unease fell over him. He knew his parents were staring him down. And he knew they were not happy. He took at deep breath, and met his father’s gaze. The man’s eyes narrowed. “You got somethin’ to say, brat?” he spat through gritted teeth. Fumikage shrugged. He knew he wouldn’t be living with his foster parents for much longer, which made pushing their buttons much more tempting. He held back a smirk. “Me? Oh no. Although, judging by that look on your face, I figured you’d have something to say, no?” the teen hummed. He rested his elbows on his knees, and tilted his head. Fumikage watched his father’s eyelid twitch. It was quite amusing, really. “Just get your ass upstairs, brat. I don’t want another goddamn word outta you.” The man hissed. “And put your cuffs on too.” Fumikage let out a sigh, but nodded anyway. He’d best be obedient now, since, if possible, he’d like to make it to U.A.’s dorms in one piece. He stood up and shoved his hands into his pockets, before trudging back upstairs to his “room”.
After closing the closet door, Fumikage took another look at the cramped area he’s forced to call his bedroom. For the last eighteen months, he was stuck in this hellhole of a house. He had felt more alone than any other point in his life, even with Dark Shadow around. He had no freedom in this house. Hell, he can hardly think of a time he’s ever had any freedom throughout his life. He’s been chained down, locked in cages like an animal, abused in pretty much every way possible…he hated it. More than anything. For most of his early life, it was hard for him to tell if Dark Shadow was really his quirk, or just a voice in his head, given how rarely the two would be allowed to see eachother. But to Fumikage, quirk or not, Dark Shadow was his closest friend. His only friend. And the idea of them getting an entire room, bed and all, just to themselves, with no restrictions, made Fumikage feel more excited than he had ever felt before. Fumikage put a hand to his chest, letting out a relieved sigh, and couldn’t help but smile. Even if it was just for a little while, he, alone with Dark Shadow, could finally be free.
While he was lost in his thoughts, Fumikage’s eyes eventually fell to his quirk cuffs, laying menacingly on the pile of blankets before him, his collar just a few inches away. He felt Dark Shadow stir restlessly within him, not wanting to be trapped by the cuffs. Even though Dark Shadow never got the chance to come out while they were off, it felt liberating to not be bound by what was, in the long run, thick pieces of metal. They’d felt more relaxed for those tense twenty minutes during the conference then they had been throughout their entire time living there. But they knew, for Fumikage’s safety, that, at least until they moved into the dorms, that the cuffs had to stay on. With a sigh, Fumikage grabbed the cuffs, and, after lining them up with his already existing bruises, snapped them shut. Dark Shadow felt like chains held them back the second the cuffs came on. They let out an agitated whimper deep within Fumikage. The teen sighed, bringing a hand to his chest. He hated when his quirk felt like this, but he knew it would all be over soon. He picked up the collar, feeling the cold metal in his hands. With a huff, he threw it aside, and sat down against the wall. He looked up at the ceiling, and reached deep within himself. It was faint, but he managed to connect with Dark Shadow. “Just a few more days, Dark Shadow…” he whispered. “It’ll all be over soon. Not for long, but…things will lighten up. I promise.” That promise was a bit of a stretch, in Fumikage’s opinion. But it would be that promise that got them through the next few days. Fumikage laid down on his “bed”, and reached for one of his books. He didn’t care which one, since he’d read them all about a million times each, but he just needed a distraction. The book he’d ended up grabbing, he knew was more philosophical than he would’ve preferred, but hey, he wanted a distraction. So he opened the book, and proceeded to read.
Fumikage had gotten about 90 pages in before he heard the lock on the closet door rattle. The door swung open, letting a wave of light into the room. Fumikage looked up from his book, and low and behold, his father stood over him, an angry look on his face, as always. “Can I help you?” Fumikage asked, laying the book down on his lap. The man in front of him snorted. “Get up, brat. It’s bath time.” he said, an amused tone in his voice. If he could, Fumikage would’ve raised a brow. That tone in his father’s voice was never a good sign, but Fumikage didn’t have much of a choice. So he laid the book aside, and stood up. His father grabbed his wrist, and dragged him out of the closet. Fumikage had no idea what his father meant by “bath time”, but as the two walked directly passed the bathroom, Fumikage knew, that his parents had something else in mind…
and that’s it for part 3. i never actually have a set plan for these, i just go until I feel like stopping. These also aren’t written beforehand, I just chill in your asks for an hours writing these, making things up as I go along. I basically treat it like my notes app lmao
I'm glad my ask box has served well as your notes app! Just be careful that things save!!
part 4. this was so fucking hard to write you don’t understand 😭 and im too tired to proofread this shit so if you see typos no you don’t. enjoy.
You're doing great!!
Trapped within his father’s grip, Fumikage nearly tripped as he was dragged down the stairs. Being dragged around like a rag doll was uncomfortable enough already, but having thick quirk cuffs clamped around his wrists, digging into his skin, made the whole ordeal more painful rather than uncomfortable, but either way, whatever his parents had in store for him, like always, Fumikage wasn’t looking forward to.
Before Fumikage knew it, the two were in the kitchen. A metal bucket sat in the kitchen sink, hot water running into it. Next to the sink stood his mother, a sultry grin on her face. Thick clouds of steam rose from the basin, and suddenly it hit him. Fumikage’s breath hitched, and he froze in place. He stumbled back, pressing himself against the wall behind him. His father let out a low chuckle. “What’s the matter brat? You were all smug n’ shit earlier. Where’d all that giddiness go?” He asked, leaning toward Fumikage. The man gave a sultry grin, blowing a cloud of cigarette smoke into Fumikage’s face.
Fumikage’s eyes fell to his mother, who had her hand laid against the bucket. The painful reality all started coming together. Much quicker than Fumikage would’ve preferred, given that he’s on the receiving end of yet another one of his parent’s grueling “punishments”. His mother had a heat quirk. Not fire, but heat. She could alter the heat of any object she touches, reaching heats of up to 315 degrees celcius. Fumikage has been burned before. Several times actually. It hurt like hell, but nothing he’d ever felt before compared to the searing, agonizing pain of being touched by anything heated by his mother’s quirk. And here he was, backed into a corner, at his parent’s mercy.
He knew what was coming. As much as he hated what was about to come next, there was no getting out of it. Not with both of his parents right in front of him. As Fumikage watched that bucket of water begin to boil over, and his mother’s grin grow wider. he felt Dark Shadow begin to tremble within him, helplessly. He could feel his hands begin to shake, and without even having to look, he could hear his father chuckle in amusement.
Fumikage clenched his fists. He couldn’t just submit himself to his parents so easily. But then again, at the end of the day, he was helpless. As always. There was no escape, because when has there ever been? Fighting back was pointless. It always has been. Because to him, this wasn’t torture. This wasn’t abuse. To him, this was just another punishment. Another, grueling, agonizing, painful, god-forsaken punishment.
He was used to this.
Fumikage felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes. He looked up at his father. What was this sudden burst of emotion? Fumikage had never felt like this before. Was it anger? Fear? Whatever it was, it made his head spin. Either way, he planned to use his sudden rush of negative energy for something he should’ve done months ago. And the consequences that came with it?
Fuck the consequences.
A twisted, pained smile forced it’s way to Fumikage’s features. Tears rolling down his cheeks, he locked eyes with his father. “Sick bastard.” he muttered. “You know I’ll be out of this hellhole in two days, so you take every opportunity you have to put me in as much pain as possible.” Fumikage wiped a tear from his eyes with his sleeve. “Sounds like you’re getting desperate, wouldn’t you agree?” Fumikage grinned upon seeing that irritated look wash over his father’s face. Oh, how much he loved that look.
Over the years that Fumikage has been in foster care, he was never liked by this parents. They blamed it on his violent quirk. Funny enough, almost none of them had even seen his quirk. Fumikage never got around to asking about that, since a lot of the time, talking ended up getting him in trouble. Looking back on it, Fumikage realizes just how stupid it was. Talking, of all things, got him in trouble. What was next? Breathing?
And this foster home was no different. If he “talked out of place”, as his father liked to put it, he was punished. It was hard to decipher exactly what was considered talking “out of place”, since it seemed like nearly everything Fumikage said warranted punishment. So eventually, he opted not to speak at all. But there were always those times, now included, where talking back just felt so right. When Fumikage is finally able to stand up for himself, despite the inevitable consequences that came with it.
And boy, were there consequences.
Before he knew it, Fumikage’s head was slammed against the wall behind him, beak first. With how sensitive his beak was, that pain rung throughout his brain, dazing him. Then he was kneed in the stomach, three times actually, right on one of his fresh bruises. Fumikage let out a choked sob as his breath left him. Even if it only lasted seconds, Fumikage felt as though he were suffocating. And as much as he hated the feeling of air leaving him, that just so happened to be the least painful thing he experienced that night.
Through his pain, Fumikage caught a glimpse of something shiny. Because of course he would. It looked to be metal, with a sharp tip. In his dazed state, he could only guess that it was his Father’s six-inch knife. And right he was, because that exact knife tore down the back of his shirt, exposing all of the scars that littered his back. Pinning him against the wall, his father ripped off his shirt, before kicking him to the cold hardwood floors. Just as Fumikage attempted to sit up, he felt another hard kick to the back of his head. The teen brought his hands to his head almost immediately, gripping tightly at his feathers in an attempt to ease his head’s throbbing pain. But at that moment, Fumikage realized, he had let his guard down.
Just seconds later, he felt it.
That agonizing, searing pain.
All over his body.
He let out a gut-wrenching scream as he felt blisters rapidly forming all over his back and arms. He found himself clawing at his arms, in a desperate attempt to ease the stinging pain, only for thin, deep cuts to form on his pale skin. He felt his quirk cuffs reacted to the heat, getting ever more tighter around Fumikage’s thin wrists. Any and all obscenities his parents threw at him were drowned out by this unbearable pain. Through his sobs, Fumikage began to wonder, was it really worth it? Was it ever worth it? He almost didn’t care. He just wanted it all to be over.
He just wanted the pain, the suffering, the torture, all of it, he just wanted it to go away.
Once the pain died down to the point where it was at least bearable, Fumikage forced himself up on his hands and knees, struggling to keep himself stable on the wet hardwood. Between both the burns, and the quirk cuffs nearly suffocating his wrists, his hands were blistered and swollen. Fumikage locked eyes with his father, who looked down at him, satisfied with his work. Fumikage’s breathing was slow and heavy, as he tried to fight through the pain. “Is…is that all you got?” he managed to choke out. “Two kicks and some hot water? Is that your last line of defense? Seems pretty lackluster if you ask me.” His entire body trembling, Fumikage managed to get to his feet. Steam emitted from his entire upper body, and he was throbbing with pain. That satisfied look on his father’s face suddenly turned to one of pure rage. Without a word, the man walked toward Fumikage, his knife in one hand, and empty glass bottle in the other. Pressing any further in this situation, with this many injuries, Fumikage knew, would be incredibly risky. But then again, heroes are supposed to take risks.
Fumikage forced his beak back into that same twisted grin he wore before, but this time, it was more reluctant. Either way, there was no turning back now.
“Bite me.” he muttered through gritted teeth.
It went dead silent. You could hear a pin drop. But that silence was short lived.
Fumikage heard the deafening sound of glass shattering. There was a sudden flash of bright light, leaving as quick as it arrived, and Fumikage’s world became black.
i dont plan on writing any more violent scenes, simply because they’re hard asf to write lmao, so the next part is basically an unneeded time skip because im lazy <3
I'm sure whatever you will write will be perfect!!!
part 5 bitches. or is this part 6? idk this feels like a part 6. anyway proofreading is out the window, it was a long time ago, but either way this might look at but messy. fuck it it’s 3am idc anymore. enjoy.
Fumikage’s eyes opened. His eyelids felt heavy, and his back was stiff, but other than that…he felt no pain. He sat up and looked around. He wasn’t in the linen closet. In fact, it didn’t look like he was in his foster home at all. He looked to be in an apartment. It was on the small side, but it felt…comfortable. The furniture wasn’t dusty, and the air was free of cigarette smoke. Beneath him, was a dark grey couch. He had to have been sleeping on it for a while, as he had shed a single feather onto the fabric of the couch. But either way, Fumikage somehow felt…safe.
Then, he caught something from the corner of his eye. Well, not something, rather, someone. A tall figure, their face and body obscured by shadow, stood in the doorway to the kitchen. The figure began to walk toward him. Their hands were tucked into their pockets, and they stalked toward him, almost tiredly. It felt so…familiar. But Fumikage’s world felt fuzzy. It was hard to tell if what he was seeing was even real. The figure kneeled down in front of him their obscured face looking him in the eyes. He watched their lips move, but there was no sound. Fumikage wanted to speak, but all he heard was his own confused, stuttered breathing.
The figure tilted their head, and their eyebrows furrowed. They reached a hand behind Fumikage’s head, ruffling his crown feathers gently. The figure spoke again, yet Fumikage was still met with silence. The figure’s face, as far as Fumikage could see, was painted with concern. But before Fumikage could make another attempt to speak, another figure appeared from a hallway. They were taller, slimmer, and just like the first one, their body and face was completely obscured. The second figure came over, kneeling next to the first, trying to get Fumikage to say something. Anything. But the world around him was completely silent.
Fumikage felt his vision blur at the edges. What was happening? Who were the people in front of him? Why did they look so worried? His mind was runny by a mile a minute, not knowing where he was, who he was with, and why any of them were there. Fumikage looked around desperately for anything that could pose as a distraction. In the midst of his panic, he saw one of the figure’s shadowy hands reach toward him. Fumikage swatted at the hand and tried to back away, but instead was blocked by the back of the couch. His gaze went back toward the two figures in front of him. Once again, one of them reached toward him, carefully grabbing his arm. The touch felt cold, and staticky, much like how Dark Shadow felt. Fumikage squeezed his eyes shut, and he felt tears run down his cheeks, afraid of what’s to come next. But, much to his surprise, he felt a pair of arms wrap around him, holding him tight. Through the haze, Fumikage could finally make out what this person was saying. It was a faint, hollow echo that rang through his ears. “It’s okay, kid. You’re safe.” They said.
Fumikage’s breathing slowed as he lay his head on the figure’s shadowy shoulder. “I’m…safe…” he repeated, almost hypnotically. Then he heard the second figure join in. “That’s right. You don’t have to be scared anymore. You’re in a new home, with a new family.” they said. Their voice was slightly higher, and had a softer tone to it. But those words…
Fumikage lifted his head slightly, just enough to see over the figure’s shoulder. His vision was hazy, and he felt as though he were in a trance.
“Family…” Fumikage whispered. That word…that word alone. ‘Family’. It just felt so…right. As though what Fumikage saw as paradise was finally coming to pass. He felt tears well up in his eyes. But unlike before, he felt tears of relief. For the first time in what felt like years, he really felt safe. Fumikage lifted an arm, and whipped away his tears with his sleeve. When his vision cleared, yet another figure appeared. However, this one was…small. Then Fumikage realized, it was a child. His head tilted as the obscure figure carefully walked over to him. They kept their hands in front of them, almost as if afraid to hurt him. Although Fumikage had relaxed, he still felt dazed, and somehow, his movements almost didn’t feel like his own.
Just like when he reached his arm out toward the child. They were just barely out of reach, but in response, they brought both hands to Fumikage’s, and a smile came to their obscured face. They looked…happy. And for the first time in what Fumikage felt like forever…so did he. He felt a small smile form on his beak. He hated kids. Normally, anyway. But right now…this wasn’t so bad.
He felt the older figure pull away from him, still carefully running their hand through his feathers. The second also leaned back, relaxing a bit. Fumikage lay back against the couch with a sigh, before looking over the three figure’s one last time. Was this really his family…? Hell, whether they were or not, he could get used to it. He just couldn’t help it. After years of pain, years of terror, a family, a kind, loving family, was what Fumikage had always dreamed of.
He eventually felt his eyelids, as well as his whole body, become heavy. He felt his grip on consciousness slowly slip, the world around him slowly swirling into a dark grey void. That same word echoed through his mind throughout, becoming more faint each time he heard it. Family. family….family….
Fumikage’s eyes slowly opened one last time, but this time, he didn’t just feel tired. He felt cold, he felt sore, but above all…he felt uneasy. That cold, painfully familiar feeling washed over him. And painful it was. The second he dared to move, Fumikage felt a sharp pain up his back. He sighed, letting his body relax. He looked up at the ceiling, but couldn’t stop the tears from forming in his eyes.
He was home.
and that’s it. i feel like i use too many commas, but fuck it im sleep deprived i do what i want :D anyway the next part will be done…whenever the fuck i feel like writing it idk lmao
Please sleep, you're doing great!! I too suffer from overuse of commas, but I don't think they hurt too much!!
sigh. part 7. maybe. idgaf anymore lmao
toward the end I pretty much forgot how to write, so this is uh, a mess to say the least. but enjoy I guess? yea
Fumikage slowly sat up, and let his hands fall solemnly in his lap. With his level of pain and exhaustion, it was hard to keep himself stable, and his quirk cuffs acting as six-pound weights wasn’t doing him any favors. Which, now that he noticed, wasn’t the only thing Fumikage was wearing. He felt his quirk collar clamped around his neck, even tighter than before. He was surprised that it hasn’t cut off his airflow by now.
Fumikage brushed off the pain, still in awe by his dream. As abstract as it was, it just felt so…real. Everything around him felt as though it were really there. And those shadow figures….he felt their words, their touch…as strange as it was, it just felt right. Fumikage leaned back against the wall behind him. ‘Dark Shadow…’ he whispered. ‘Did you…feel that? In the dream?’ Within him, Dark Shadow stirred restlessly in response to their host’s bewilderment. ‘Mhm…but…Fumikage? Would it be weird to say I…miss it?’ they asked. That restlessness quickly turned solemn as Dark Shadow deflated a bit, wrapping themself protectively around Fumikage’s rib cage. The teen hummed quietly to himself in thought. ‘Well, as weird as it is, you aren’t alone. I don’t know why but…that dream world just felt so surreal. It was…at least compared to what we’re used to, amazing.’ Fumikage replied. He lay his head against the wall behind him as he felt tears in the back of his eyes. Dark Shadow seemed to mimic his movements in a way, as Fumikage felt them curl within themselves, hugging Fumikage’s ribs tighter. ‘I just want a new family…’ they said, barely a whisper. Fumikage felt tears slowly roll down his cheeks, soaking his feathers. It feels like every day that passes, Fumikage feels more and more isolated. More and more alone. It’s just him and Dark Shadow. It always has been. Fumikage thrives off of his quirk’s company. Dark Shadow is the only reason he’s kept a positive outlook on life throughout his last few painful years. If not for Dark Shadow, Fumikage’s life would have ended long ago. But even with Dark Shadow around, Fumikage couldn’t help but feel lonely. He wanted someone else to talk to. A human to talk to, because let’s face it, Fumikage’s social skills are…underwhelming. He never speaks unless he knows exactly what he’s going to say and when. He comes off more confident that way, because otherwise, he’d let his anxiety get the best of him.
Having a kind, caring family around, and having other people in general around, just made Fumikage feel safer. Even his foster siblings. They all despised him, but when they were around, his parents were less violent with him. There was always less expected of him when there were others around to steal all of the attention. But that didn’t mean Fumikage didn’t want attention, he just didn’t want negative attention. And every foster home he’s been in, year after year, has been exactly that.
He just wanted to feel loved, was that so much to ask?
Fumikage slouched back against the wall, only to quickly regret it as he felt a sharp pain shoot up his side. He sat back up with a groan. What exactly happened to him? He knows he blacked out at some point, but it was hard to tell what happened after. His body was numbed with pain; his back and arms were covered in burns that sting when touched, and he had a large, dark bruise right in the middle of his abdomen.
His memory of the previous night was cloudy, among other things, but he does faintly remember that sharp glint coming from his father’s knife. Fumikage put a hand to the source of the pain, feeling around for anything of interest. The closet was nearly pitch black, and as good as Fumikage was at seeing in the dark, he couldn’t do much other than carefully feel his wounds to make sure there isn’t anything too serious. But at this point, getting out of a punishment unscathed would be a miracle.
Fumikage ran his fingers across what felt like a gash along the side of his waist, approximating the length. He winced at the stinging pain, but kept going nonetheless. The wound went from just above his waist halfway up his chest. Pulling away he felt something warm and wet lining his fingers, which he could only assume was blood, given the stinging pain that shot through his body right after.
The teen let out a low groan in response, before wiping his bloody hand on his jeans. Slumping back against the wall, Fumikage looked as his blood stained hand. Even in the dark linen closet, he could still see the dark, smeared blood stain his palm and fingers. Suddenly he felt a surge of negativity rush through him, and he clenched his bloodied fist. Was it disgust? Frustration? Or just pure, justified, rage? It was always so hard, just trying to identify this one, burning, unbearable emotion. Fumikage felt it so often but could never tell what he was really feeling. Dark Shadow growled in reponse to their host, growing increasingly larger, metaphorically, desperately wanting to break free and release this unbearable surge of negativity. It didn’t take long before Fumikage boiled over, and slammed his fist against the wall behind him, causing the paint to crack and a dent to form in the wall. Fumikage looked to the wall next to him, and the result of his outburst. And just like that, he deflated, completely, and utterly, defeated. Defeated from what? It was hard to tell.
The teen choked out a sob, curling up within himself, burying his face in his knees.
Just one more day.
yeah. that’s it. short and painful sweet. no comments, bc i cant think of any. next part coming in uh….idk like a month? who’s to say lmao
I absolutely loved this!! I am so happy you shared this! The writing was phenomenal and this is such an interesting take on Tokoyami’s past. It has the perfect dose of angst~
I hope everyone else enjoys this as much as I did!
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