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#like i’m on her side purely because of how insane people are acting

messrmoonyy · 12 days

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-Sadie Adler as your gf hcs ( sfw/nsfw )

Sadie Adler x Fem!reader

A/N- I am in fact posting these out of pure and utter spite because Sadie Adler can. And will. Kiss girls. Because this is what?! Fan fiction!And it brings me an insane amount of joy that the sheer idea alone of Sadie being queer angers people. Sadie Adler kisses girls pass it on!!!

These are mostlyyy epilogue and beyond based Sadie pls lemme be your lil housewife

Dedicated to @queer-sadie-adler for being the true voice of reason lately amidst the hell hole that has been the queer Sadie discussions. You’re awesome.

Masterlist - requests are open!

• she’s incredibly protective of you. One wrong look your way and she’s ready to start shooting or swinging. Shes so a ‘ why don’t ya take a picture, it’ll last longer ‘ baby has some slight anger issues

• falls very much into the ‘ I hate everyone except you ‘ category. So stoney faced and ready to brawl with everyone, but soft gazes and tender touches with you.

• you hear her before you see her. She’ll ride back home to you after going after a bounty and proudly announce her return with a ‘ honey I’m home! ‘ as she rides up to your home.

• secretly adores the way you fuss over her before she goes out. She lost everything other than you in the space of like. A year. so it’s nice to be reminded how much you care about her. And that she has someone in the world to care about herself.

• she’s actually a pretty decent cook. And you can often expect her to try cook you something nice. Especially if she’s gotten onto your bad side some how, she knows a nice romantic meal will butter you up nice and quick

• I have this thought that she is just a nightmare to share a bed with. Girly tosses and turns and takes up too much damn space. But it just gives you the excuse to crawl up close to her and get comfy in the little space she leaves, falling asleep practically on top of her.

• and on the subject of sleeping. Has just the finest motherfuckin morning voice you’ve ever heard. Her raspy ‘ Mornin my darlin’ in your ear everyday makes you wanna melt into a puddle every damn time.

• loves sharing a bath with you. Especially if she’s been gone for a few days. She’ll make some excuse that it’s just to save on water. But in reality she just wants to relax and hold you close to her, feel your skin on hers to remind her she’s not just some angry bounty hunter. All tough and rough and fighting. She needs the gentle and the calm you provide her.

• hand holding. Forehead kisses. Sitting in her lap as you read on the porch. Just small, gentle acts of intimacy. The kind not discussed but well practiced between lovers.

• she can get in her head a little sometimes. She knows it’s not easy being in a relationship like that in 1907. And she knows that she doesn’t make it much easier on you with the works she does either.

• but she loves you wholeheartedly. And she knows that you love her just as equally. And as much as she feels she doesn’t deserve you, she’ll keep loving you until you don’t want her anymore which would never happen of course

•NSFW•

• she needs to be the one in control all of the time. This isn’t to say she doesn’t like receiving, or like having you on top of her. She just likes to be the one with her hands on the reins yk.

• in fact. She quite enjoys you on top of her or In her lap. But even so, know that she’s the one pulling the strings and she’s two steps ahead of you at all times

• she’s gentle and soft with you, but determined. Whether that’s knowing exactly where to touch you and abusing that same spot over and over again until you’re a shaking mess. Or telling you where and how to touch her.

• I said this in my last hcs but fingers in the mouthhhhh. Idc what anyone says. I see it so vividly. She loves it. Loves watching you suck her fingers to get them wet. Or clean them off.

• eats pussy like a god. Will have you seeing stars and thanking whatever Lord may exist for putting that woman right between your thighs. Sloppy and thorough and has you coming with her name on your tongue.

• thigh riding!!!!

• girly loves to manspread. Will sit there and pat her leg for you to perch on, but manoeuvre you to straddle her leg instead. And she loves how it makes you blush ‘ you’re a regular ol’ cowgirl now ain’t ya honey? ‘ as she leans back in her seat to watch you I’m literally going insane

• morning sex!! Waking up spooning with her, teasing her by wiggling your hips against her until she slips a hand over your hips and between your legs

• ‘ this what y’ wanted? Been dreamin of me honey? ‘

• will absolutely get up afterwards as casual as ever and ask what’s for breakfast. As if she hadn’t just had her fingers buried in your cunt.

• her aftercare is just so gentle. Especially if she’s been gone a while and has you coming for hours on end. She’ll praise you and hold you and help clean you up. Maybe drag you into the tub with her and sit behind you to wash your hair.

• and she enjoys the intimacy of dressing you so much more than undressing. Getting you comfy and cosy in clean night clothes before snuggling up with you in bed, letting you rest your head on her chest and tangling up your legs together.

#Sadie Adler kisses girls pass it on!!#I’m also writing a drabble/os on that thigh riding thing as we speak #gnawing at the bars of my enclosure for this woman #Sadie Adler #sadie adler x reader #red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 #rdr2 community #rdr2 fanfic #Sadie Adler smut #x you #fluff #arthur morgan #john marston #van der linde gang #rdr2 Sadie

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matthew-gray-gublers-babygirl · 1 year

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Hormones - Roger Taylor x Fem!Reader FanFiction

Summary/AN: I initially intended this to be smut or implied smut, but it came out rather fluffy. I might write a part two if people are interested. The reader is horny and on her period, and has something to share with Roger.

Warnings: mention of periods and pregnancy (non-descrip.), sexual innuendos, etc. Mainly fluff.

Word count: Aprox. 700

Only four months into your relationship you had a pregnancy scare with Roger. Luckily, it was just your period acting up due to stress, but you still decided to go on birth control. Birth control is more acceptable these days, so you were able to get prescribed it rather easily.

Your doctor said, if you’re lucky your period will stop completely. You still got yours but the pill helped regulate your cramps and lowered your flow a bit. You still had horrendous mood swings. Whenever you were in your period you would get insanely horny as well. Hormones are hormones, what would you expect?

You got your monthly yesterday and let Roger know. He always seems a little bummed when you get it, partly because that meant most sexual things were off the table, but also because it pained him to see you in pain.

Roger was sat on the couch, T.V. on a low volume as he flips through a magazine. “These reporters are rubbish. They aren’t reporting anything!” he scowled as he read through the article about the band.

You walk up behind him, wrapping your arms around his neck and giving his cheek a quick peck. “Whatcha doing?” you ask, and Roger tosses the magazine away.

“Just reading complete and utter lies,” he mumbles, giving the magazine a side eye. He brushes off the ill feelings about the article and turns his head to meet yours, quickly kissing your lips.

“What’s up?” he asks, and you smile. “Nothing much,” you explain. You find your way around the couch and land in Roger lap.

“I know you’re in your period, Y/N,” he says. “You know how I feel about that stuff.” Roger wasn’t entirely grossed out by menstruation, but he felt that you should be taken care of and rest while on your period, not handled like some one night stand.

“Okay, Mr. Jumping-to-conclusion,” you huff. Roger rolls his eyes with a smile. “I’m not saying that you had that intention, but you know how riled up I get when you sit on my lap like this,”

He was right. If you were him, you wouldn’t be able to resist when you had a breathtaking girl straddling your hips who wouldn’t hesitate to start grinding on you at any moment.

You shrug. “Well sorry that I want to show my beautiful boyfriend some love and affection,” you say, crossing your arms in a dramatic way, and Roger laughs. “Don’t be like that,” he chuckled, giving you a kiss which breaks you out of your bit.

“What can I help you with, love?” he asks. You wrap your arms around his neck again, gently gazing into his.

“I want to have a baby,”

Rogers' soft gaze turns wide. “Y-you want to have a baby?” he stammers his words as he confirms your question. You nod and your smile slowly fades. “Do you not want one?” you ask. Roger quickly shakes his head. “No, no. Of course I want a baby. I’d love to have a baby,” his hands slowly move down to your stomach where your child would be resting. “I just- got caught off guard,” he explains.

You smile at his hands on your stomach, imagining you round with his child. “I want your baby.”

“Is this because you’re horny?” he questions. “Maybe,” you say. “But who says a baby has to be made out of pure, non-sexual love, and not lust?”

Roger nods at your point. “Well you’re going to have to stop taking your pills if you’re serious about this,” he explains. “I’m serious,” you tell him.

You've been thinking about this for a long time, actually. Even before you began dating you imagined yourself round with Rogers child, and his strong arms wrapped around to cup your stomach.

His lips suddenly crash with yours. He smiled against the kiss, humming as his hands moved up to grip your hair lovingly. You breathlessly part from the kiss. Roger leans his forehead against yours. “We’re gonna have a baby…” he whispers, and you smile. “Mhm…” you hum as his hands gently hold the non-existence fetus in your stomach. “You’re gonna be the best daddy there ever was…”

You hear a small snicker from Roger. “Trying to get me even more riled up?” he jokes. You hit his shoulder and laugh. “Shut up,” you say. He grins and gives you another kiss. “And you’re going to be the best mommy in the world, I promise…”

#roger taylor #queen band #fan fiction #roger meddows taylor #roger taylor fanfics #roger taylor queen #roger taylor fanfic #roger taylor fanfiction #roger taylor fandom #roger taylor fluff #roger taylor x reader #roger taylor drummer #roger taylor smut #queen #queen fandom #queen fanfiction #queen roger taylor #roger taylor queen band #pregnancy fic

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whinlatter · 7 months

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Cho Chang for the random character ask: 4, 9, 12, 27, 43

cho! this was actually so fun to think about. cho is an underrated character and a boss bitch and i for one have relished the opportunity to think more deeply about her, so cheers for that anon! (i'm merging the other ask i got about cho with this one for a bumper cho post)

1. Canon I outright reject

i do not tend to outright reject canon because i am a boring yawn canon compliant girlie but i will say i find it weird to think that cho would be randomly checking/carrying her DA coin on the night that harry just happens to arrive back at hogwarts in DH. it’s not even for plot it’s just for the ensemble vibes. pointless cameo sorry! the whole point of failed high school romances is to never resolve them and just memory block them out for all eternity until you bump into them in the veg section at the big supermarket when you go home for christmas and make awkward small talk then see them again at the checkouts and want to die

2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on

part of the reason cho was so (understandably) distraught after cedric's death was because of a dynamic in their relationship of cho revering/idolising cedric that only deepened after his death as he became somewhat canonised in popular memory. when they got together, cedric was a seventh year and cho was a fifth year. often when you're 15/16 you definitely look at 17-18 year olds like they're the coolest people on the planet and you're lucky to be in their orbit basking in their great worldly wise glory (lol). and while i’m not doing up age-gap-is-problematic-discourse i am saying that if you're in the last year of school and your mate starts going out with someone two years below who is doing their GCSEs or whatever you do a) obviously take the piss out of them but more importantly b) tend to see a pretty big gap in maturity and life experience that often adds a weird power differential in the relationship. that's not to say that cho didn't really miss cedric's company, but also that the grief was made worse by the fact that she likely saw him as a saint-like figure she was in awe of, a view that only received mass endorsement after dumbledore's eulogy of cedric, so she's not even really able to mourn a real person, but just the idea of someone purely heroic and good who she will never be able to replicate again

4. Favorite line

“He asked me out, you know,” she said in a quiet voice. “A couple of weeks ago. Roger. I turned him down, though.”

in this house we stan 👏 petty 👏 queens 👏

or...

“What about your parents?” asked Harry. “Well, they’ve forbidden me to get on the wrong side of Umbridge too,” said Cho, drawing herself up proudly. “But if they think I’m not going to fight You-Know-Who after what happened to Cedric —”

actually huge props for cho for joining a resistance fight club with no parental support for anti-ministry action. because in canon you have the weasleys whose parents are so politically involved, and whose sense of political right and wrong is (bar percy) so instinctual because it's how they were raised, it can be easy to overlook how significant it is when other characters who don't come from that family background/political lineage get involved in risky acts of open rebellion. like yes her defence of marietta is misguided, but cho is a boss bitch who lets her grief be fuel for a good fightback and i for one applaud it

8. Unpopular opinion about them

ok this is going to sound like me doing up pure ginny defender but for all ginny gets slated for having many a jealous moment (including with cho in DH) i do think it is Interesting that people overlook how insanely jealous cho is of hermione lol. i do like that element of cho's character - or rather, think it lets her be well-rounded and interesting, giving an insight into how the trio are perceived by other members of the student body, but also allows cho have this messy petty teenage side to her (people often tend to write her in fic as this very worldly mature grieving widow figure, instead of like, a girl going thru it and wildly acting out emotionally and developing a whole host of insecure abandonment issues that are mostly to do with her grief). but i love how she like sees red and goes full how many girls are you meeting after me!!! alexa play bust your windows!!! i am going to storm out and YOU are going to pay for these coffees!!! so yeah, my unpopular opinion is cho is petty and messy and obviously harry fucks up more but she does kind of act up and you know what, that's fine! she's still worthy of the world! (you know all i do is ride on my let girls giggle and be messy crusade)

9. Scene that first made me love (or hate) the character

i stan the temper tantrum cho has when she loses the quidditch final. go girl have your strop! she’s just like me fr

12. Crack headcanon

cho's gang of girlies wore potter stinks badges in the dormitory after that horrendous date to cheer her up. and she was like yeah you know what! he does!

23. If they were a scented candle, what would they smell like?

ohhh man i am going to have to pass on this because i literally cannot name any smells. she's too prestige and gorgeous to not smell lovely though!

28. How they feel about insert character of your choice from the same fandom

i am kind of obsessed with a cho vs ginny bitter rivalry that doesn't actually have all that much to do with harry lol. cho is two school years older than ginny (given ginny is an end-of-august birthday baby, cho fully could be three years older than her, given hermione is two calendar years older than ginny and is only in the year above). so ginny is a little pipsqueak irrelevance to cho, whereas i expect cho lives in ginny's head rent-free while she's still in the throes of her deep unrequited crush on harry. then ginny goes out with michael, cho's teammate, and is in the DA, so probably is around a lot more, maybe they're semi-friendly, all going fine - until ginny pops up for the quiddich final in ootp and publicly demolishes cho on the quidditch pitch. can you imagine being a (almost or actual) seventeen year old getting the snitch snatched from under your nose by gryffindor's fourteen year old second-rate substitute seeker (especially after a year of playing badly?) i'd be fuming. no wonder cho cries and chucks her broom on the ground. so then ginny chucks michael for being a 'sore loser' (i think this must have also been a bit connected to cho, if all ravenclaw are having a great big public sulk lol), and then michael immediately gets with cho (canon implies that evening lmao). even if ginny didn't care about michael all that much, there is something pretty galling about your ex moving on to your sporting rival an hour after you break up lmao, and something very messy from cho to try and get back at the girl who just beat you by immediately hooking up with her ex lol. you can just imagine michael and cho bitterly slagging off ginny in between snogs at that post-match commiseration party. and then the following year, when ginny beats cho again, in a match cho 100% viewed as a re-match and a chance to finally best the person who humiliated her... i'm just saying, those two hate each other (at least as teenagers) and it doesn't even really involve harry lol. and i for one love it!

43. 3 favorite foods and 3 they despise

i am also bad at questions like these i'm so sorry 🫣 literally have no world/character-building capabilities to imagine people's favourite anythings. i do like the idea of cho being thoroughly unimpressed by the quality of the hogwarts cooking though! do i back a fleet of house elves living out their days in a castle in the scottish highlands to know their way around any kind of asian cuisine? no i do not. cho would have every right to fume

#cho chang #hot girl alert #cho is canonically an absolute baddie #and i respect it deeply!#ask game #headcanons

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sailorgundam308 · 6 months

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Wow. I didn’t expect my blurted out rant-ish analysis of Karlach would resonate so much. I had the feeling the fandom would just bash my head in (actually ignore me lol) but it was just an impression. Turns out a lot of people noticed the (darker) layers in Karlach too.

The day after posting that I read an interview with Karlach’s actor(tress? how gender work in nouns, help), where she mentioned this inner darkness and I felt less crazy for thinking so. I also noticed I didn’t emphasize Karlach’s manner of ptsd - because oh boy, she has some (and who fucking wouldn’t, the Blood War is no simple war, it’s fucked up and it has been going so long it changed the topography of Avernus completely - insane stuff).

It’s something I kept thinking about, how it makes so much sense she is singing, moving, dancing and vehemently (desperately?) pushing away any negative thought. Of course some of this is pure real joy to be out of the Hells, but Karlach’s insistence in not thinking about what she’s been through, pushing any and all questions or comments tav makes about the dread of her predicament, this seemingly incessant need to move, joke, talk… It can ALSO be her anxiously trying to shut up her mind so she doesn’t THINK.

Is it her right to do so after all the shit she’s been through (and especially cause she knows she’s on borrowed time in the Material Plane, and doesn’t want to waste it)? Of course. But it also seems like a method of suppressing humongous trauma - unprocessed, raw and too dark for her to face. But as anyone who has had a traumatic event or period in their lives knows, trauma tends to not stay quietly in the forgotten corners of our minds. On the contrary, it tends manifest itself, to return with a fucking vengeance the more we ignore it and often blows up right in our faces.

We see a bit of that in the massive breakdown Karlach has after killing Gortash. She vomits it all, anger, fear, sadness, jealousy, self pity. All valid emotions. But emotions she refuses to acknowledge until then. One burst would probably not be enough for her to process all of it, though. And unfortunately for Karlach (and my sorry ass who’s still sour with her questline) she doesn’t get that much time or opportunity to deepen this journey.

To sum it up: Her own personality, which is belligerent by nature, plus the shit pile of trauma atop trauma she’s been through obviously changed her, made her carry a heavy burden that shaped who she is in the aftermath. Then, on top, she grasps desperately on the “good side” of everything as a lifeline, because if she doesn’t, shit’s gonna go down pretty damn fast.

I’m not into simplistic characters, nor in those that are too obvious (yeah, like and edgy goth bitch). Maybe that’s why I keep focusing on this darker, complicated bits of the characters I like, to justify myself lol. Karlach at first seems to be extremely obvious (and in one sense she is), but sometimes I think SHE is actually the one donning the most perfect mask amongst all the companions.

There’s much talk about Astarion trying to seem worse than he really is (which I agree with to an extent), like he’s putting up an act. When I think about this, I can’t help but also think that Karlach’s one is way more deceiving (perhaps because she wholeheartedly wants to believe in it). Crazy, layered stuff.

Like a mad lasagna.

#karlach #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 spoilers #spoilers #opinion #just thoughts #about a red tief girl #and how little we actually get to see of her story #unfortunately

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marrondrawsalot · 2 months

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Runaway Au Arc reveal: The True Loyalty/Traitor

People always wonder, the raven served the queen despite the abuse it was given. The raven serves. They waited. Observed. But….. answer this. What happens when they learn from the little things?

Darling Case, she served truly to the one pulling the strings. But she’s the most wicked mastermind for the winning team! She betrayed her act, to pretend to side the enemy to be a spy. An ally. All a ploy to make her seem unworthy to show their truest worth. A devious mastermind under the doll face.

“Let’s start the real show! It’s show time!!!”

Darling Crowley role; traitor to family but mastermind for the first years.

Her plan was just insane. People would doubt it’ll work.

Her plan? To fuse with the phantom and control it. When she revealed her true form. It was clear this girl is truly insane with genius abilities. Thinking steps ahead of her plan and even back up. And I’m the rewarding. She will surrender her blot stones she ate for safe keeping to the true winners. After all, it takes a little bit of evil to make a bird ascend from their role

This was the big fucking arc reveal I had thought of carefully. Because I had to double check in Darling. She spent thirty years watching the school to observe behavior. Think ahead of them. Study the academics to ascend her mind. Don’t think she just watched to know her future enemies and allies. She watched to further her mind. She’s a devious little mastermind. She may as well ascend where she is to the highest. Her truest loyalty to the one with the stronger power. Bringing more allies to her case.

@adrianasunderworld @mangacupcake @writing-heiress @the-weirdos-mind @skboba-stars @nproduction626 @rose-tea-and-strawberries @anxious-twisted-vampire @yukii0nna @achy-boo @abyssthing198 @zexal-club

I’ll also draw a new concept art of Darling mastermind image and trust me. This bitch is a new level of fucked up to pure loyalty to Minako or Freya. (Like I said. She serves the true power. A queen. A raven follows their queens order with no regard of how deadly it could be. If that isn’t true loyalty. That’s betrayal.)

In this case. FUCK NORMALITY I BRING CHAOS TO THE WORLD YAHAHAHAHA

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland oc #marron ocs #twst #twst oc #darling crowley #runaway au #muts au

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codecicle · 4 months

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Swag, tell me about your BG3 character, I’m curious about what you play !! :D

rubbing my hands together evil style. wampus you have no idea what you've unleashed

this is my bastard son: Samuel Alastine :D he goes by Sam but everyone calls him Sammy ^_^

his personality is like if you combined chip jrwi + sokka atla and made a really sappy fucked up love child. he's such a sarcastic little bitchboy at all times who loves being a bastard and charming his way into and out of situations (the consequences of his actions). he really focuses on the actions of the people and how they treat others as a sign of if he should trust them or not, when asked by Withers the question on how much a single human life was valued i had his answer READY lmao he was instantly responding with "it depends on the person's actions." he definitely has a weak-spot for kids though, he went through a rough childhood, but he doesn't consider it "important" and he trys to keep it as close to his chest as possible.

he's a tiefling sorcerer and i decided to make his sub-race a dragonborn tiefling so he could get the specific type of spells i wanted. i think my plan for progressing him is to focus my general skill-tree to be skewed towards how his personality would fight instead of whats most practical, and for him that definitely means wiping out multiple people in one flashy go with ZERO back-up plans. the amount of times he's had to get one of the other party member to revive him is insane, so he tends to leave that part out of the big flashy tales about his adventures. he loves showing off and bragging so much genuinely again think sokka atla just an absolute loser bastard who tries to take credit in a loving way. he would kill and die for his friends he just shit-talked as beneath him and side characters 5 seconds ago, and if someone else tries to also talk bad about them he's throwing hands and swinging on them in an instant with his whole 8 strength

speaking of which i skewed by skills so badly by putting the free +2 modifier to charisma to give him a 17 bro i coulda blanced his skills a little more and made all of his attacks do more than a grand total average of like. 2. maybe 3 if youre lucky but i DIDNT because im not a COWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!! so now he just flops over if he gets breathed at wrong or is out of spell slots like god intended. but at least he knows how to flirt GODBLESS

also also i definitely think his current party is going to remain his favorite and most trusted for the whole game. he's adventuring with Shadowheart, Wyll, and Astarion right now and they fit him so perfectly its actually insane. he loves how forward thinking Shadowheart is and is willing to follow her, and respects her for keeping her secrets while still letting him make fun of how closed off she is. (realizing now that my playful banter i try to give him might be the romancing options. but like. yeah he would try and do that she would never go for it though.) ((maybe)) and he absolutely adores Wyll's heroicism and looks up to him in a way, full of nothing but respect for how selflessly he acts and how he fights with confidence. he's an especially big fan of how he treats kids, knowing he never would have gotten that same kindness and it was nice to see the cycle be broken and someone make a change. and astarion he just wants to fuck LMAOOOO he loves the conversations they have and while astarion saying "oh yeah btw how do you wanna die when that worm in your brain spreads. like do you want poison or a knife" should normally be offputting thats EXACTLY his kinda humor and flirting. he said knife btw ^_^ purely because at the beginning where astarion jumped him he pinned him to the ground and held a knife to his throat and he really wants that to happen again but you didn't hear that from him. nuh uh.

anyway im having so much fun playing this game fully in character i see why the council did it that way now !! this is so silly goofy and fun i love going "oh wow any normal self respecting person would NOT say that to the random person they just met. i dont want to pick this option but youre not gonna believe this chief, its What My Character Would Do" every 5 fucking minutes for a new dialog this game is awesome im gonna go die in a combat now goodbye [vanishes into the woods] [the camera very clearly shows me hiding behind a tree thats too skinny for my body asking someone off screen if he's gone yet]

#i make yet anothet post just for me 👍#we have mail :]#INFO DUMPPPPP MY BAD DUDE #THANK YOU FOR ASKING THOUGH im so insane about him #i love little bastards in media can you tell. i was so hyped to design him #genuinely hes just an amalgamation of all the things i love in this type of media. but cooler and My Writing/Character Edition #also im sick and dying like i am every christmas for some reason the curse is real so i have nothing better to do than scream on tumblr and #play this game >:DDDD #was gonna design him as one of my oc's but their stories don't fit dnd really well :(( maybe mutants and masterminds or some really really #fucked up version of coc

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larkspurglove · 2 months

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Messy theory/rant on Sparkle based on her Myriad Celestia trailer

Sparkle’s trailer is very interesting, partially because we can’t rely on it to be accurate due to Sparkle being an unreliable narrator, but because the potential implications reveal so much about her.

The trailer sets her up as a puppet master of sorts. Obviously not in the more literary sense where she’s the manipulator behind Penacony’s events or whatever, but in a more literal sense. From her/Black Swan’s story quest it’s apparent she has an affinity for showmanship and drama, but it’s significantly more interesting to imagine that she’s placed herself as the star of various ‘shows.’

Not to mention on the off chance what we see in the video is somewhat true, then Sparkle’s slightly cringe inducing Joker references start to stack up.

The trailer implies that she was a famous actress in HSR Japan, who played Sparkle, the character. Her mask seems to be ‘Sparkle’ and at first the mask copies what she does.

As time goes on the mask amplifies her acted emotions, before completely shifting to mock whatever emotion she may be acting or feeling.

(Side note: if her mask was a Masked Fool’s mask from the start, then there’s some possible implication that it could contain Aha’s power and therefore corrupt the wearer but that’s based off a gut feeling combined with the implication from Sampo that the mask seems to have powers attached to it)

One, it’s very much giving Nahida’s teaser. Two, it seems like constantly putting on an act drove Sparkle, the persona/mask, to latch onto Sparkle, the person. My guess is that she was a theatre actor (based off the stage and audience we see) and as theatre actors do, they repeat the same performance over and over and over until the run of their show ends.

It’s possible that due to her popularity, Sparkle’s show kept on getting extended to the point where she was performing the exact same play every day. I don’t know about you but that would definitely drive me insane and bored.

Due to that it’s possible that because of a combination of a psychic break and sheer boredom due to monotony, she ended up leaving the show, becoming a Masked Fool, and seeking her own elation. This also comes back to her being a puppet master, and from going from an actress to the director. If I’m even slightly right, this explain why she gets so mad when her stories get out of her control.

Finally, the single line in the trailer where she mentions that ‘the world is just a stage’ explains why she’s so cruel to others and purely focused on her happiness alone without regard for others.

If all the world’s a stage, then the people are just characters. Characters are there to serve the plot, and whatever tragedies befall them is just how the story goes.

Edit: seems I was slightly right? Sparkle was a character to begin with and at some point the person playing Sparkle became Sparkle.

#very messy and long but I have so many thoughts about our little space racist #still on the fence about whether or not to pull for her #will probably wait til the 2.1 banners are revealed #honkai star rail #hsr #sparkle #sparkle hsr #hsr sparkle #hanabi #hsr hanabi #hanabi hsr #< tagging just in case #I have a feeling people still use those tags cause ‘her name is cooler’#hanabi is just firework in Japanese y’all #lark rambles

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doodle-list · 1 year

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I'm genuinely So sad about the path Mando is taking like. I enjoyed some moments of course, but the way they're completely taking the spot light from Din's and Grogu's relationship (which is the literal premise of the show and what got me into it in the first place) to focus on another character we had little to no connection with in the previous seasons, and also make her completely let go of her past goals for what? To become an ambassador of something she wasn't even apart of??? Also completely ignoring her past and turning her into this shallow innocent princess. Sorry for the rant, I'm just really sad about the new season

No dont be! You’re so valid for that and I agree completely :/

A lot of people have already put it into words better but season 3 baring all shitty writing just doesnt feel like The Mandalorian anymore

The main part of the show of din and grogus relationship is just not there anymore, and the fact that we spent two seasons building up these really lovable characters that had so much more potential and places to go and just dulled them into a purely merchandising object and a cardboard cutout yes man is so disappointing

I got into the mandalorian for the characters because I love character driven stories. I can’t care less about bigger plots on their own and the new season being this wide galaxy thing insgead of a funky show where we get to see this guy politely fail to decline every side quest ever and try and take care of his son, I just. Dont care anymore

Like nothing about season 3 feels character focused. Sure bo katan is There but all her flaws and faults that make her an interesting character get brushed under the rug and completely ignored in favor of propping her up to be this sympathetic hero, even though we canonically have evidence of the complete opposite. There is no attempt to even give her character development so when she gets the sabre handed to her Again, the expectation that her rule is going to work this time is just poor writing

Its basically that phrase “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”

I just feel like the writers this season somehow are completely unaware of their characters and how they would act in situations. It feels like they created the plot first are forcing the characters to complete their checklist of wants with complete disregard of whether it makes sense for them to do it at all

Season 2 gave us really wholesome moments between Din and Grogu and I dont think I’m wrong for saying that we all expected the latter to increase as seasons and episodes went by

They clearly understand that we all love Din since they baited us in the promotional material so I literally cannot fathom why they decided to nix the direction they were going to for practically a completely different story

The story of a man who’s trying to find his place in the world and learns to become a father is just not there anymore. And that just… sucks

And well, this probably sounds really nit picky to some or like “why are you so focused on this shlt just enjoy the show and have fun” but when you love the show for two reasons only (din and din and grogus relationship) its very very hard to like something that has so blatantly carelessly pushed that aspect aside. And when you’re not interested in whats happening because the reason you love the show isnt treated well, you kinda start to see all the flaws behind the curtains

#this is such a opinion vomit im sorry #Din has been my comfort character since s1 and im very passionate about storytelling hfjvjd #the mandalorian #mandalorian critical #mandalorian season three #just thoughts #oh and dont even get me started on dinbo 💀#or hows s3 is supposed to show mandalorian culture #but they literally do it so poorly #like yall have a whole ass language thats just sitting there #???#ok the latter is more important bc the first one is just a personal thing #but come on can we drop the allo typical nuclear family bull #you do not need a partner to be happy #nor does a family need a mother and a father to feel complete

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soliddarrity · 5 months

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Going through my drafts & didn’t want this Clariel review to go to waste in case anyone relates:

I want to complain about Clariel by Garth Nix for a minute.

First of all I loved the book, it wasn’t as good as the others but it was still an Old Kingdom book and I really appreciated that Garth is willing to write such fabulously powerful female characters AND that he gave Clariel the power of being a berserk & didn’t play it off like being a berserk is an inherently bad or evil thing, in fact when Clariel meets her grandfather he’s like ‘oh you’re one of these, I know just what to do with you!’

I love that Jaciel’s berserk energy is unleashed in it’s full power and we get to see that being a berserk has huge advantages and can be extremely positive, while also not shying from the inherent dangers it holds. Idk, I just love that we get to have a powerful, angry female character and it’s not played as an inherently bad thing, even though it’s ultimately Clariel’s downfall in a way (but not really - her temptation to use Free Magic isn’t quite a one-to-one transfer from berserk to her going dark side in the end).

Anyway! The complaints!

-quite honestly, I didn’t think Clariel was evil enough. If this was her origin story, it only...kind of told how she actually turned evil? In the end, Clariel is still a good-hearted person with no intention to do wrong by anyone, and even asks to be killed lest she turn into a monster and the people around her are like ‘nah, you’ll be fine’ and send her off to peaceful exile. That’s just...not a very compelling evil character, is it? She just, what, wanders the desert long enough she succumbs to her temptation, which everyone knew about, and they were perfectly willing to set her off on her own, knowing what she could do and would do again if chance came along? That doesn’t sound like Clariel’s problem to me. Also, at the end of the book Garth himself jumps in as the narrator to try and moralize Clariel’s actions: “a girl who did not make very good choices in life.” I mean... what else was she supposed to think, and how else was she supposed to act, given that literally nobody was doing their fucking jobs when Clariel was alive? The king & the Abhorsen were all very much shirking their responsibilities, it’s the entire plot of the book, and Clariel’s...what, bad for being the only character to try and do something? What, she’s a bad person for not seeing the future like the Clayr, for not trusting untrustworthy people to do their jobs when they clearly hadn’t been, like what the fuck was Clariel literally responsible for. Yes, she uses Free Magic - but only because it’s the only power she has that’s strong enough to make any change, when literally everyone around her is acting like a goddamn clown. I’m sorry, but that doesn’t sound like a bad guy to me. The actual moment Clariel actually turns even is, you will note, not even IN this book about her supposed evil origins. Clariel ACTUALLY succumbs to evil somewhere later after this book is finished, alone and driven to insanity by Free Magic in the forest, one would presume. We never get to see that moment as a reader so even though we now know everything else about her, we still don’t know WHICH character flaw precisely led to Clariel’s downfall, which if you think about it is kind of the only reason this book even proposes to exist.

-and on that note, why the fuck does Belatiel give Clariel the bronze mask back in the end? It was pretty contrived. Wouldn’t the mask hold only terrible, awful reminders for Clariel, a reminder of a time she went awol and almost got the king killed & one of the charter stones broken with his spilt blood?? A time she betrayed the kingdom, consorted with evil beings who in the end betrayed and almost killed her, a time when she was seen as a pure villain, and she actually did get several other innocent people killed, lets not forget that, so it’s also a reminder of the time she became (indirectly) responsible for murder? Again: why the fuck would Belatiel give Clariel back the mask after they healed her? It almost welded to her face while she was using Free Magic and they had to pry it off - it’s just so contriiiiived. Like, I get it: she’s Chlorr of the Mask, The Woman With No Face, so she has to have the mask in the end. But the way she gets it? Is just so forced, like the entire plot that fails to convince me she’s this ‘evil’ person. My real question is why not just go for it and make her evil? That’s what we all signed up for when we opened the book, isn’t it? We all, as readers who’ve read the rest of the Old Kingdom books presumably, know that Clariel is going to end up as an evil necromancer, and later one of the Greater Dead serving Hedge to free Orannis. So why not make that what this is, and give her a convincing story arc that actually shows her descent into evil? She’s way too sympathetic, way too good hearted, even by the end. Just make her evil! She has all the potential, it’s right there - all of the pieces have been set up, but Garth just won’t (or can’t) do it. She’s angry, she’s antisocial, her mother and father are killed and she’s had a taste of power and lusts after it: can’t she just...you know...be a bad person? Is it that hard?

-Lastly, and I know this isn’t important, but in the beginning when the fisherman gets the bottle with the free magic creature trapped inside, and it’s mentioned the bottle was 900 years old, I was really hoping that we were going to have this sort of historical...ancestral line of evil from way, WAY back reaching through time to Sabriel & Lirael’s time via Chlorr. I was hoping that 900 year old creature was what would ultimately possess Clariel, or influence her and become her companion throughout her necromancy career (if you can call it a career?), and that it’s just this long legacy of evil tracing back to who-knows-how far back, maybe left to the reader’s imagination. Anyway. That’s a small bone to pick, but I thought that’s where it was going originally and I still hold that that would’ve made a better story.

#books #my posts #clariel #garth nix #old kingdom #abhorsen

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carpathxanridge · 6 months

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i will say re: the word “bitch.” it is a word that is scarily easy to get desensitized to. like for the longest time i did not use it at all because it is a misogynistic slur. and i still believe it is a misogynistic slur, but you spend too much time around people who say it and it just comes out of your mouth when ur angry or frustrated. and then you’re like who am i why did i say that? like, just today this idiot woman parked too close to my mom’s car and was sitting in the car face-timing someone and wouldn’t move it, so my mom couldn’t open her door to get in. so i ended up climbing into the driver’s seat from the passenger side so we could leave, and this woman turns to us and is laughing at us and rolling her eyes, and so i just reflexively gave her the middle finger and called her a dumb b*tch. and then afterwards i was like damn. i spent so long not saying that word at all and just two months in a male dominated environment where it’s used liberally and now it’s back in my vocabulary and i have to be really careful not to use it. anyways i don’t think it is ever not misogynistic to use the word “bitch” but i also think it’s much less “okay” for a man to say it than a woman. i think we should all try not to say it, but hearing another woman call someone a b*tch even in a derogatory way does not make me flinch or recoil as much as hearing a man use it. but that’s just my personal reaction to the word.

which is why the whole debate of “slur reclamation” is stupid. like you can’t control other peoples’ language, but you can of course pass personal judgment on someone else by their readiness to say slurs. and, just as with the question of whether it’s “okay” or not to wear makeup or whatever as a radical feminist, you shouldn’t base your speech and actions on external validation or what some people tell you is or isn’t allowed. the true reason you should root misogynistic language from your vocabulary and abstain from patriarchal beauty practices etc. is the psychological impact those actions have on yourself and on other women. no one is 100% ideologically pure but if you act in a way that’s contrary to your own supposed beliefs, it’s up to you to reconcile that and ask yourself “how much misogyny am i willing to tolerate?” so i’m not going to agonize over accidentally calling that woman a b*tch because i’m not about to guilt myself endlessly for using a word that i’ve heard my whole life and is insanely normalized in our culture, but i am going to maybe reflect on how that language became naturalized in my vocabulary again and try to resist it. not because saying the word b*tch is a feminist “sin,” but because it is reflective of a lack or loss of feminist consciousness and a desensitization to misogyny!

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tim-hoe-wan · 1 year

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The haylor theories about their relationship is insane but also up at swiftie alley. I am admittedly a fan and I used to love being on swiftie tumblr to see all the ways her fans can relate and interpret her songs. But for a while now it seems swifties are less on creativity and treating her body of work as an autobiography. Even with folklore despite the premise, some fans insist it’s all secretly about her. I just find it toxic because I love artistry and I love how creative songwriters and writers can be. They can make a whole story out of a single encounter or they can hear someone else’s story and make a story/song out of it. Now it’s all just used to connect bits of pieces of ones life. When Fine Line came out I used to check out a few blogs to see their take and they were doing the same, so I dipped from his fans immediately after, but it doesn’t surprise me why their fans overlap and why they take such pure conjectures and take it as fact.

I still enjoy Taylor’s music, but I don’t think I can stand the level of parasocial and coddling of her fanbase anymore.

I’m not part of either fandom to say how similar/different they are. I do think Harry’s pr uses the same vanilla/safe zone pr Taylor does.

I have known plenty of irl swifties in my life and during her debut to 1989 I was at the age where teens were really impressionable and dare I say, easy to indoctrinate. It doesn’t help that Taylor herself does tend to act like these are diary entries though I remember she herself saying oh I imagined this or the ex (or Maggie G) saying no it didn’t happen or I don’t know about that. I mean, other than the fact celebs lie, there’s also this thing called creative license. It’s not exclusive to songwriters, writers do take inspiration from their life but as many would clarify it’s just an inspiration, not the autobiography. And even with inspiration, it comes with imagination, exaggeration etc. all other creative license that mixes facts with fiction.

I’m with you, I’m not really a fan of interpreting songs to analyze people’s life. It’s different when they share it and hold which part of their life they took inspiration from. It doesn’t mean for example, Trent Reznor is literally wearing a crown of shit. I also feel it really helps being families from both sides be so heavily in the industry and see real time curating images for certain celebs or being in the creative session and listen to people voice their thoughts and how they for the idea for a story etc.

I don’t think anyone will change my mind that TaySwizzle really f**ked up the level of parasocial relationship and living vicariously between a celeb and their fandom. She wasn’t the first, but she sure was one of the most influential promoters of that kind of fandom activity.

#like these days it seems a songs can never be just a song #it has to be some message or story about the celeb life #miss the days when Mitski or Lady Gaga straight up say it’s not their story #cause now that’s everyone’s MO #or even if they took inspiration from it #doesn’t mean it’s free from imagination #or that it’s a pass for people to attack the person behind the song #ahem Olivia and Joshua #that poor boy #Sabrina too

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jangyeevns · 1 year

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sorry if this is old new also u don’t have to post this but one of my first discord rp experiences was w zelda & fleur and they literally made me feel like a villain for a whole month bc of their lack of communication + blocking me but then fleur unblocked me and kept joining my rps (to snoop and vaguely try to plot and act like nothing ever happened) so i’m glad u and others have been saying stuff cuz these people seriously made me feel like a menace to the rpc 💀

i'm definitely gonna answer because when don't i have something to say? LMAO

i can't speak to the zelda claims that have circulated since i've never interacted with them myself, so this is strictly an issue with fleur for me. i wasn't villainized until i got in the way of one of her potential endgames for her muse, in fact we were friends beforehand, but i look back on what we would talk about and can only feel pure disgust because i was a villain then, at least in my mind.

what was said at that time will never see the light of day because i ( and the other mun she befriended in our three way dm ) deeply regret fuelling her spite, jealousy and manipulative bullshit and don't care to have her use any receipts i have to suit her narrative or harass these muns even further, and i hate having the knowledge that i allowed her any influence over my judgment of others, over a lot of things actually. it’s not something i have to disclose necessarily as most would hate to put themselves in a negative light, but it’s to show not only accountability for what i myself participated in ( it was giving mean girls 2 vibes . calling it the og would inflate someone’s ego i’m sure ), but also that i have been on more than one side of fleur's fury and don't care to have others deal with it, end of.

... except not, because this is gonna be a whole rant FJSKGKDK

you are most definitely NOT a villain if fleur of all people claimed that you were back then, when she was in a position of authority and has famously used being an admin to her abusive advantage. i'm so sorry you've been on the receiving end of her god awful behaviour, but you're in pretty great company if i do say so myself 💅🏻 i can imagine it's difficult for anyone with that kind of history with another mun to have them in their own groups time and time again, especially when her behaviour has never strayed from the basic m.o. she's outed herself for ( by being a pathological liar in Everyone's dms ), but i hope this allows people to take a step back and consider the possible façade those like fleur will don to gain the attention and approval they so desperately crave.

at this point, receipts aren't necessary for me to believe someone, because i know what i've been through and my truth, as well as the experiences of a handful of other muns that correlate to everything that's been discussed this week – most of it we discussed months ago, so it tells you how easily you can find people in the community who've had a fucking bizarre encounter with her and how insane it is that it took this long to bring it into a more public space. you are valid, your stance is more than justified and if you get rude ass anons for deciding to call her ass out? don't mind her sheep ( and fleur disguising herself as one ), they don't know any better even at their big ages.

the gaslighting and harassment are out there now, and while i'm sure she'll still creep up with her new discord and attempt to do as she always does, i would assume other muns will be more vigilant moving forward and that's what matters most to me in all of this; sure, i'm being petty as fuck when she's brought up or when she invades my boundaries that me blocking her should've made VERY obvious, but my concern lies with the other muns she could manipulate, terrorize and use to her heart's content. they don't deserve to deal with that shit nor should we pipe down just because it bothers others, 2023 is the year of accountability and people can either join the movement or fuck right off 🤷🏻‍♀️

#.. okay i went Off #and for what? idk but i said what i said anyways gkdkf #glad you felt like you could come forward like this though !! we need more people to speak up in these situations #answered.

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casliveblog · 2 years

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Custom Toonami Block Week 110 Rundown

Kaguya-sama: Love is War: I like how this one starts out by literally fast-forwarding through the intro bit, kinda wish more anime did that. We start off with a conversation about teenage fucking that would make Shinzo Abe cry and ends with Chika having to give the birds and the bees talk to Kaguya because everyone in this series is a ridiculous virgin but Kaguya exists outside of the realm of sexuality entirely apparently. Next up is a twenty questions game that has a neat format but I could see the punch line a mile away, I do like that the actual revelation comes because Miyuki knows that above all Kaguya is an asshole and of course is going to troll him, like these people are all horrible people but at least they call each other out on it. And last Kaguya’s cat gets a cat stuck in the engine which… idk if that’s just a random thing that happened or considering the insane level of improbably planning this series boasts I wouldn’t put it past her for Kaguya to shove a cat into her own engine so she can get some alone time to walk to school, like they don’t say that’s what happened but Kaguya does seem callous enough to do that. Anyway after a story that makes me kinda sad that America literally has nothing in walking distance from anything else, we get a nice little moment for Kaguya and Miyuki to ride to school together and they do show some restraint at least by having her wildly dangerously dangle off the back of his bike instead of the ‘grab onto me so you don’t fall off ‘ trope, I still have a lot of mixed feelings but this was a fun episode with some good moments and the dub voice acting is incredible.

Inuyasha: Bankotsu and Inuyasha finally clash and for the fun of it everyone else gets a little skirmish too, I wish we got some more in-depth fights with the side characters and these secondary Band of Seven members but usually all we get is them swinging their weapons at each other for a minute without anyone gaining any ground but it’s still nice to see Miroku and the background gang get some action. Renkotsu’s after Kagome because she knows he took her jewel shards and hasn’t given them to Bankotsu yet which… I mean I think the whole group knows that? Like it’s been a few days she probably told them. Sesshomaru’s group is at Mt. Hakurei and Rin meets up with Kohaku to find out there’s a fuckload of demons inside the supposedly pure mountain. Naraku calls return on the Band of Seven so they gotta cut the fight short and meet up with Kanna at Mt. Hakurei so they can go ‘hey kill Sesshomaru while you’re at it’ and repair Bankotsu’s Banryu from Inuyasha Wind Scaring a chunk out of it. Kanna rightly points out that Bankotsu would’ve lost if Inuyasha just opened with the Wind Scar like he never does for some reason and Bankotsu reveals he knows Renkotsu has Kagome’s shards and jams them into Banryu to fix it and power it up which like… couldn’t we have done that on the battlefield? This is literally ‘this could’ve been an email Naraku’ but the real reason is to push the reset button on the fight fights going on so we don’t have consequences from Miroku fighting Suikotsu or anything. But no Bakotsu is stronger and Inuyasha thinks that since Naraku’s Demon Puppet smelled pretty nice they can use that to get past the barrier or something idk.

Yu Yu Hakusho: So turns out Kurama got up a quarter of a second after his ten count (which he was kneeling for his attack against Karasu so that counts when the attack actually connected instead of when Karasu died or when Kurama fully stood so that’s actually kind of more generous than they had to be if you think about it) but yeah I’m just confused as to who’s making these rigged committee decisions anymore given Sakyo and Toguro murdered the whole committee before the final round, something Sakyo even admits to when Hiei says he wants them all dead when he wins, so who’s sitting here making these jacked up decisions and producing mysterious VHS tapes to provide frame by frame? Anyway it’s time for Bui vs Hiei and Bui can just... make axes, like this is the second guy whose power is making shit out of thin air which is still cool I guess but it’s kind of a weird theme for Team Toguro. Hiei manages to use the Mortal Flame to be a Kaioken man and fuck up the axes so Bui has to take off his armor which is of course ‘my fights are no fun unless I inhibit myself’ armor and Bui’s real power is… being a DBZ guy? Like he shoots ki and flies and shit, I think Bui vs Hiei may be the most referential fight to DBZ in the series and that is saying something. Considering Hiei broke his sword in the last fight it’s basically an aura battle between him and Bui to see who can go Super Saiyan harder, so then Hiei is all ‘thanks for removing your inhibitor thing, now I’ll remove MY inhibitor thing” and releases his black dragon super saiyan aura and I swear these are like the most anime fights ever.

Fate/Apocrypha: Sieg busts out of gay baby homunculus jail and Astolfo’s like ‘oh cool, a naked sticky guy that can’t stand up under his own power, dibs!’ And he and Chiron are like ‘well dude, congrats on being born, you’re gonna die’ and Sieg’s like ‘isn’t everyone?’ and Chiron’s like ‘well yes but you’re gonna die like before Sonic 3 comes out’ also Karna hunts down Jeanne and is all ‘I have a divine sun spear of immeasurable flames’ and Jeanne’s just like ‘cool, I have a flag, we’re evenly matched’ and then Sigfried steps in and his master is like ‘come join us’ but Jeanne’s all ‘I gotta sit here judging you all impartially’ and he’s like ‘well come be impartial on our side’ and she’s like ‘I don’t think you know what impartial means’ and we get a few scenes with Fran and Chiron, basically Fran wants a waifu and Chiron wants to not die and their masters want shit too but they’ll probably be dead soon so who cares. Also Mordred and Lion Dude are hanging out with the cryptkeeper and get the message that Spartacus is still running towards the castle which god damn dude he must be really slow he’s been running for like two days and still isn’t there while Karna was able to get from the Church to where Jeanne was coming in FROM ANOTHER COUNTRY and back and Sigfried was able to get out to fight Karna at the same location in like one day tops, bro Spartacus is weird and creepy-looking so if we could deal with that plot thread as soon as possible that’d be great.

Nisemonogatari: We finish up at Suruga’s house from last time with some slightly ominous commentary on the dynamic between Hitagi and Hanekawa and on his way out Kiyomi meets a dude named Kaiki who is basically the word sketchy in human form and is talking about how Suruga’s Apparation Power Level isn’t worth making money off of. Kiyomi mentions how he has the same feel as Oshino and another Apparition Hunter we haven’t heard of until now and Kiyomi basically ‘NOPE’s the fuck right out of there to not have to deal with him. He meets back up with Hitagi who puts him through the ringer about his harem shenanigans today before he mentions Kaiki and we flash forward to the scene from the start of the season where Hitagi has him in some kind of SAW type trap and they were doing weird water games. Hitagi finally comes clean that Kaiki was a conman that ripped her family off for a lot of money when she was having her weightlessness problem and ducked out before they could realize nothing had been done about it but she talks about him a lot more like she’s scared of him for more than just swiping money and is for some reason convinced he’s going to be after Kiyomi. He then gets a text from his little sister that just says ‘help’ and he breaks out of the Saw trap in a ‘for the record I could’ve done that at any time’ type of way and says he wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t run headlong into danger to help a female friend, especially a family member and Hitagi has to back down. Turns out Hanekawa’s also bossing Hitagi around because she calls her and Hitagi speaks more politely and submissively to her than she does to anyone else so that’s weird and also Kiyomi’s sister may be dying so we should probably hurry or some shit.

Speed Grapher: So now we’re getting somewhere, picking back up from the climax of episode 1 it turns out Kagura’s kiss to Saiga gave him the power to make anything he takes a picture of explode. Now at first I was like “That’s mildly more useful than just having a fucking gun’ but honestly it’s pretty cool and used to good effect as he combines it with destroying the scenery around him. He takes Kagura and hightails it out of there only to be cornered by Suitengu and his… ummm, guard dog lady I don’t remember the name of. Kagura’s understandably a little freaked out by the realization she’s become the supernatural crux of an Eyes Wide Shut cult of the Ultra Rich hoping to obtain superpowers by sexually assaulting her and decides to yeet herself into the river, dragging Saiga along with her. They resurface on a buoy and have a little heart to hear about how as long as you’re free and alive it doesn’t matter what you’ve been through and you can keep moving forward and all that. It’s a really quick little chat but it does help that we’ve had a full episode of backstory on each of these two that fleshes out where they’re coming from in this engagement. The Club goons catch up with them and take Kagura and shoot Saiga but luckily one of his new powers seems to also be wolverine healing (because a camera that reloads itself and randomly sticky hands weren’t enough of a bonus) and once he gets back Saiga kinda reflects on how Suitengu said Kagura’s kiss grants you desire and apparently Saiga just wanted to fucking murder people with a camera which he admits is kinda fucked up of him. Kagura wakes up in the family jail that all rich families have and Suitengu’s like ‘yeah all that Eyes Wide Shut sexual assault and murder photographer and almost drowning that happened? You dreamed that’ which has to be one of the weakest gaslighting approaches I’ve seen but to be fair he does play it straightfaced and already has her locked up so he doesn’t really need her to believe it. Saiga goes to his cop friend’s house and she’s like ‘oh boy he looks half dead he must wanna bang’ but he can’t because apparently he can only fuck when he’s taking pictures of the girl but now if he takes pictures of her she might explode and also she can only fuck if she’s holding a gun to someone’s head and this may be one of the weirdest relationships I’ve seen in anime and that’s fucking saying something. He does some research and finds out Kagura’s real identity with the magic of the internet and Kagura requests a magazine in her jail cell that has Saiga’s famous picture about freedom he pointed out to her and now they both know who each other are and take solace in the fact they may be able to help each other.

Durararax2: Everyone’s kind of scrambling in the fallout of Kadota’s hit and run, Walker and Saburo are hitting the streets and out for blood, Masaomi’s got a small group of the Yellow Scarves back together to beat Mikado’s sect of the Dollars up if they have to, Mikado’s got the abandonded building where the Russian Mob kidnapped Vorona as his base and are using it to ban Dollars trolls and keep an eye out for people fucking around before they find out. Aoba has a plan for Celty to be the Dollars new “mascot” now that Shizuo quit and Kadota’s MIA and despite Celty seeing right through this shady shit Aoba gives her the puppy dog eyes and she agrees to go see Mikado. Meanwhile someone hacked into Izaya’s Discord profile and is spreading rumors to start a gang war, and worse… meowing, the greatest of early 2000s internet crimes.

#ooc #Toonami #Custom Toonami Block #Kaguya-sama Love is War #Inuyasha #Yu Yu Hakusho #Fate/Apocrypha #Bakemonogatari #Speed Grapher #Durarara!!

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thatfuzzyfamiliarspace · 2 years

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Don’t feel too bad rn. It’s been a really odd few days. Dam was perfect. Coming back felt meh. We had those two days to shift back to normality and then head off to boomtown. I had such low expectations for it. But I was really happily surprised how good the festival was. I’d love to go again next year but guess it’ll just have to wait. It was everything I wanted it to be in terms of how the festival was set up. The people were fine, the town looked so cool, the stages had decent people playing, the food options were insane. I wish I could’ve really revelled in it all fully. I’m gutted I didn’t get to experience the actors and the little spaces they had in town. I really wish I’d gotten to dance and see some of the people I was looking forward too. And I’m hugely gutted I parred off kieran. I don’t think I’ll ever get over how much of a cunt I was. He hasn’t messaged me back either. He must’ve given up with me. Woulda been real cool to have atleast seen a set with them but it just weren’t possible or gonna happen was it really. But as much of a downer as it was to look at all the negatives, I’m super hyped for electric city this weekend with my sister and going transmission in a few weeks after that. Those will be really good.

I really don’t want to get back to work. It’s not just going back to work, I have to sort out what I’m doing about this new job. I honestly don’t wanna take it. I don’t. I just want trucklite to pay me more and I’ll be happy. I wasn’t actively looking to leave, they approached me. I’m gonna stop having this happen in future. Because that’s what’s fucking me up. It doesn’t feel like my choice. It’s not what I want. Idc how many people tell me it’s a good idea and it’ll be better for me etc etc, it’s just not what I want.

Then I’ve still got money issues. I’m still broke till pay day and poncing off of Jordan makes me feel so fucking awful. It doesn’t feel like he’s treating me it feels like he has to do these things without choice. I don’t like it. I hella appreciate it, but I feel so in his debt. Idk how I can repay him for supporting me, and giving me the bestest holiday last week.

And then yesterday. God I’ve blocked so much out as I purely just don’t have the energy for much lately. Like today that meta chat really zonked me out. But yesterday, idk what he did but he upset my little side. It constantly happens. I try and let a smidge of her out, and he reacts in the worst way. He takes the mic out of the way I talk and speak, tells me to speak up. He just doesn’t understand that’s her and not me. And then he goes on about how good he is with kids and all this stuff. It freaks me out. Because imagine him giving a child the attention and care that my little side is so desperate for. It’d shatter me. It’s like he doesn’t understand how severe the age regression side of it is. The way he talks and acts towards me when I get slightly in that headspace is just not how you would towards a child. I don’t think I could have a kid if little me doesn’t get what she needs. That’d be super fucked up. I already have so much prang about all of that. Idk I’m ranting and rambling but I’m tryna put down what I can while it’s running through my head.

I’m okay, I’m like a 7, but shifting back to a 4 every so often. I just wanna play my games and rest. And not think about any of this shit rn.

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jungkxook · 3 years

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—make it right. (m)

⟶ pairing: jungkook x reader

⟶ genre: punk!jungkook / band au / exes-to-lovers au / angst / smut

⟶ words: 11,528

⟶ rating: 18+

⟶ summary: you’re wholeheartedly, madly in love with jungkook and yet you shouldn’t be because it’s been almost a year since you broke up with him. worst part of it all is that you know he’s still in love with you too

⟶ warnings: jungkook has a tongue piercing, oral sex because of said tongue piercing (fem!recieving), more tattooed and long haired jungkook to feed my fantasies, angsty pining clingy sex, also just general soft sex, crying sex lol, riding, creampie, slight praise kink themes, unprotected sex

⟶ disclaimer: here’s my one year blog anniversary present inspired by the first ever fic i posted on here! yes this is technically a sequel to melomaniac but not really. sort of like an alternate universe to the alternate universe but you don’t really have to read one or the other to understand the other. so, i hope you enjoy!

⟶ this is part of the melodrama tour series!

You swear you’re over Jungkook.

In fact, you would even go so far as to say you hate him ━ but you know that’s not true. It’s just that it’s much easier to believe that if you tell yourself you hate him enough times, then maybe you’ll find a way to fix your broken heart, and the pain in his absence won’t hurt so bad.

As it turns out, it hardly works.

Seven months since he had left you to travel the world with his band, basking in promised eternal glory and fame and money, and yet even miles and oceans away from where you stand, he’s all you can think about. There’s a myriad of reasons as to why trying to forget him was an useless endeavour. The hardships of trying to forget a cherished life-long friendship you had grown accustomed to was one of them, and those lingering happy moments you had shared with him as lovers however fleeting they may be was another. But then there was the ever present fact that Jungkook and his band were so quick to rise to fame, their names far exceeding the seemingly cramped and small city you had both reigned from, and suddenly the boy you had known forever, and everything special that makes him, was now being shared to hundreds of millions of adoring fans.

You were certain it was all Jungkook ever wanted, the added attention and the pretty girls fawning over him, because he had always been a casanova in many ways despite always promising you that you were the only one for him even before you had started dating. You had told him it wouldn’t work ━ I trust you as my best friend, you had said in a moment of despair, grasping at straws. I don’t have to worry about you breaking my heart. But I don’t know if I can trust you as my boyfriend ━ far before he and his band had been signed to their record label and paraded around the world, when they were still practicing in rented storage units and friends’ garages and rundown local studios, playing gigs anywhere and everywhere from dingy bars to college campus parties, supporting him every step of the way if only because he was your best friend, and he had been so persistent that it would work, chasing after you even when you tried to push him away. I would treat you right, he had urged so ardently late one drunken night after stumbling back to his apartment. I already practically worship the ground you walk on.

And how could you ━ who had already been so madly in love with him but scared of him breaking your heart, scared of losing him, scared of this happening ━ ever resist him? He made love seem so easy, and maybe that’s because it was when you were with him. But now, he was no longer yours; now, he was the world’s, and you were nothing but a mere hazy fragmented memory in his mind, long forgotten, watching from the side of the stage much like you always had from the very start of it all.

“Hey, isn’t this that band?” Jihyo’s voice bursts through your wandering trail of thoughts.

It takes you a moment to recollect yourself, finding yourself not in the arms of an ex-lover or stuck in a bygone time of months past, but in the cosy and amiable café nearest your campus and frequented by a plethora of your fellow peers. You’re fortunate to find that your other group mates have also become sidetracked, trailing far from the assignment you were all supposed to be working on. Dahyun is perched beside you, chin nestled in the palm of her hand and elbow propped on the table as she scrolls aimlessly through her phone; Jihyo and Taeyong were sat across from you, gossiping fervently about some mutual friend of theirs. You hadn’t known the pair long enough to know much about them or the tragic affair of whoever Mina is for accepting her cheating boyfriend back for the second time, and, likewise, they seem oblivious to your own self-wallowing once you realize what’s caught Jihyo’s sudden attention.

You hear his voice first.

It’s easy to discern, even after all this time and even amongst the muffled chatter and clanking of porcelain and cutlery of those seated around you. The sweet, velvety lull of Jungkook singing throughout the café from the overhead speakers, pretty upbeat melodies and synths mixed with wistful words making up the song he had written for you before he left, before the fame and fans, as a way of telling you how he truly felt about you. It feels like a dream, and maybe that’s because it is, bringing you instantly to another time, and another world. You still remember him showing you the unfinished song for the very first time, curled up next to him in his living room, listening to him serenade you to sleep, humming in places where he hadn’t formed the words yet, strumming along with his acoustic. It was yours and his until he showed the world almost a year ago on their very first show at the Seoul Olympic Stadium in front of thousands of people, as a final desperate act of proclaiming his love for you after a disastrous attempt at a first date that he had begged from you. Just one, he pleaded. To prove it to you that I can be a good boyfriend. And if things don’t work out, we can pretend it never happened and just go back to being us. That’s a promise.

At the time, you had treasured the song. It was beautiful in every way, his love transcending his words and enveloping your heart in pure warmth.

Now, you hate it.

It’s the third time you’ve heard the song that day. Despite avoiding it as best as you could, it seems to find a way to make itself known in your daily life like the nagging nuisance it is. Because fate seemed to enjoy its sadistic behaviour of having the song be one of the main reasons Jungkook and his band had skyrocketed to fame in such a short span of time and, suddenly, Jungkook disappearing from your life meant little when his voice remained as a constant reminder of what could have been, what couldn’t have been, and what fell apart at the already fragile seams. And what was a proclamation of love to you turned into nothing but a fabled tale of lovers. You wonder if people who hear it ever think about where they’ve gone, or who they’ve turned into, or if their love was made to last. You wonder, above all else, if people ever think about it at all.

“Beyond the Scene, right?” Taeyong asks. He seems just as animated to be discussing the song as Jungkook’s voice fades into Jimin’s.

“God, I love this song. It’s so dreamy,” Jihyo lets out a longing sigh as she slumps against her seat. “Y’know, I’m seeing them this Friday. It’s their first time being back in, like, five months.”

“Dude, I’ve been trying to get tickets to see them for months now!” Taeyong gaps incredulously. “How’d you score them?”

“A friend of a friend knows the guy who plays keys,” Jihyo says. “The cute mysterious one.”

“Yoongi, right?”

“Yeah━”

As the pair dive into a passionate discussion about the boys and their first full-length album released under their recently-signed-to label from Columbia Records, you shift uncomfortably in your seat. Dahyun almost immediately straightens up, eyes flickering from the pair to you and back again. You’re both fortunate she’s there, having known your past with Jungkook, and despise it a little more, wondering what her pitying gaze must mean.

“Hey, Dahyun. Y/N.” Taeyong’s voice grabs your attention now. “What do you think of these guys? Didn’t some of them used to go to this school?”

“Yeah, I had a few classes with their drummer.” Dahyun waves her hand airly, swiftly brushing over the fact that she did far more than have a “few classes” with any of the boys but was also one of their closest friends. “I think they’re great━” She glances sideways at you one more time. “Hey, maybe we should get back to the assignment now━”

“I had a class with their lead guitarist, Jungkook, last year,” Jihyo continues, her excitement getting the best of her as Dahyun’s voice drowns out in the foreground.

“No way!” This dubious exclamation comes from Taeyong.

“I tried talking to him once but he totally blew me off,” Jihyo says. “Which is fine, because he’s still hot. If I had known he was gonna be a famous rockstar, I’d have tried asking him out a second time━”

Suddenly, you feel sick.

It’s odd to hear two strangers discuss Jungkook’s life while you’re seated across from them, as if you’re nothing more than an outsider to whoever Jungkook has become now. But you can’t stand it anymore. You’re certain you look insane to them when you push your seat back abruptly, the metal legs screeching against the floor as you stand.

“Whoa, what’s wrong━?” Taeyong starts to ask but you’re gone before he can finish the question, murmuring a half-hearted excuse about how you forgot you needed to be somewhere.

You’ve rounded on your heel and have fled from the café before anyone can try to stop you, with nothing but Jungkook’s mellifluous voice fading in the distance as he croons aloud for you in a time long since passed.

You don’t care. Besides, you’re sure Dahyun will cover for you.

The worst part of it all? The dreadful realization that sinks into your mind, and into your heart, beckons the question: who’s to say you aren’t a stranger now to Jungkook’s life altogether?

“So, what are you trying to say?”

You remember the moment so clearly despite wanting nothing more than to forget it all, and the pain associated with it. Because even from then you knew you would always be in love with Jungkook, but you couldn’t have him. It’s hard to remember whose fault it is this time that caused the sudden fight, though random little arguments had been a frequent occurrence nearing the end of your one year relationship more often than not. You hate blaming it all on him, because you were certain you were at fault too. Maybe a little bit wary at times, a little selfish, wanting him all to yourself. Even though you knew he has an obligation to the world, it still hurt when he started making promises he couldn’t keep, blowing you off for soundchecks, or spontaneous interviews, or record label meetings. More and more you could feel the both of you drifting apart, maybe without even meaning for it to happen.

It was just that Jungkook was destined for a lifetime of greatness, and you were starting to think that meant without you.

You had stopped him late one night after he had stumbled home from his and the band’s nightly studio sessions as they worked through recording their debut album as a signed band. Lately, it seemed as if that was all that Jungkook cared about, and while you knew the band meant the world to him and you would always support him in his endeavour, you couldn’t help but feel lesser in comparison. That, and you hated seeing the boy overwork himself to the point of near exhaustion every night if only because their label was so adamant about having the album finished before the month ended.

“You want to, what? Break up?” Jungkook asked, this time more incredulously and less dumbfounded as he had initially been. He didn’t believe you just yet, but you couldn’t exactly tell what he was thinking anymore at that point.

“I just figured we could use some time apart,” You had suggested awkwardly. “Just a break.”

He had let out a breathless, disbelieving laugh. “Y/N, this is insane.”

You flinched. You remember having to look away, refusing to meet his suddenly sorrowful look. “Is it, Jungkook? I mean… Look at us. We’re falling apart. It was bound to happen eventually. We tried to make it work but maybe we’re on different paths now.”

“But I love you,” Jungkook gasped, exasperated. “Where is this coming from?”

“And I don’t want to have to tie you down for the rest of your life,” You continued on stubbornly, “or make you think you owe me your whole life just because you said you fell in love with me when you were thirteen━”

This seemed to catch Jungkook’s attention. He grew rigid in front of you, a look of wary agony contorting his face. “Is that what this is then? You don’t love me anymore?”

You didn’t respond immediately, instead the dread of the night seemed to finally catch up with you and you had grimaced. You had loved him even then, but the thought of voicing it aloud when you were supposed to be breaking up with him didn’t feel right. The tears began to swell in your throat and blur your vision. Jungkook must have noticed, because he always seems to spot the small things about you that even you miss. Almost instantly, the sour look on his face softened and his gaze turned helpless, with those big puppy-dog eyes that you’ve always been too fond of. He closed the distance between you at once, warm hands grabbing at your own.

“You do.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement. He knew you were still in love with him ━ or maybe he’d just been hopeful. “I know you do. So then why are you breaking up with me?”

He let go of one of your hands to reach up to your face, calloused fingers gentle and soft against your cheek as they brushed away a rogue tear you hadn’t realized had fallen from your lashes. For a moment, you had let yourself get carried away. You leaned into the comforting heat and touch of his palm as he cradled your face.

“Don’t━” You choked out after a moment of silence, hating when your voice splintered into a sob. “Don’t touch me. Please, Jungkook. You’re only going to make this harder.”

His hands sprang away from your face almost at once, as if he had just been burnt by scalding fire. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and pull you into his arms but he had refrained the urge somehow, miraculously. So, instead, he grit his teeth and clenched his hands into fists as his arms fell limp at his sides.

“Then don’t do this. Don’t walk away,” Jungkook pleaded desperately. “I don’t understand. If you love me still, why are you making this harder for yourself?”

“Because what if that’s all we have in common anymore?” You asked wretchedly. “We care about each other. We always will. But you’re focused on the band, and this is my last year of school. Maybe we just need time to focus on ourselves.”

Jungkook blinked once. Twice. His stare was suddenly devoid of any emotion as he gawked at you, but you could tell that he was hurting. It was there in the fluttering of nerves in his jaw; there, in the way his lips pulled taut into a thin line; there, in the way even you could see his eyes begin to shimmer with wet tears that he unabashedly displays without trying to wipe away.

“So that’s it?” he asked. “After everything we’ve been through. You’re just gonna end it, like that? Y/N, come on━”

His hands had found purchase on your waist, and you had lingered for a moment too long; then, fumbling, he tried to grab delicately at your face, probing you to look at him. But you couldn’t. The moment you met his wounded gaze, you shook your head furiously. You had slithered out of his grasp, slipping through the seams of his fingers just like that.

“I━” You paused. “This isn’t some spur of the moment decision, Jungkook. How can you not see it? I’ve felt so alone these past few months. It’s like you’re here but not entirely. Your mind is always somewhere else, always thinking about the band and never about us.”

“What am I supposed to do?” he had asked hotly. “The band is my everything.”

“And what am I?” You asked. The question only mildly offended you, a shot right to your heart. Because if the band was his everything, what were you in comparison? “A distraction until you get everything you want? I can’t keep being that.”

“No!” he protested. “You’re not a distraction. You’re━” He stopped himself short, brows furrowing. “You can’t keep pinning this all on me. You just don’t trust me, do you? You never did. Always thinking I’m with some other girl when I’m not with you━”

“That’s not true,” You admonished.

“Isn’t it?” Jungkook retaliated.

“I don’t want to hear it,” You had said at once. Your tone was final, a decisive ending to your argument with him. “My mind’s already been made up, Jungkook. I don’t think we should see each other again until we sort all this out ━ or, until you sort out whatever your priorities are.”

Jungkook’s stare had hardened, a frown deeply etching into his face. He had straightened up then, perplexed and upset with your standoffish demeanour, as if thinking this surely meant nothing to you. But little did he know this would become one of the hardest decisions you would have to make.

“Fine,” he said rigidly. “If that’s how it is, then I’m gone. You’ll never have to see me again.”

You hadn’t known at the time just how terribly you had messed up ━ neither had Jungkook. He had left before you could stop him, or before either of you could change your minds. Because nothing’s worse than a broken heart, blinded by stubborn and defensive rage. Accusatory fingers and blaming him or you wouldn’t heal the wounds that had already formed, and ending things seemed to only make it worse, months of lonely heartache without Jungkook to further prove just that…

The last time you spoke to Jungkook, you told him you never wanted to see him again ━ or, at least, that seems to be how he interpreted it.

Now, you were standing in the midst of his domain, surrounded by everyone in his public sphere of friends and colleagues and acquaintances, and there was certainly no way of escaping him.

You were starting to think you’re losing mind, because you’d truly have to be insane to have worked up the nerve to agree to go with Dahyun to a party being held celebrating the band’s recent tremendous success and headlining their first world tour. Their manager, Jin, had personally reached out to you and Dahyun, calling you as a means of asking you to attend, though you had given him a timid and dismissive response at first. If it hadn’t been for Dahyun purposely and almost quite literally dragging you out under the premise that “even if you don’t want to see Jungkook, you at least owe it to the boys to go,” you don’t think you’d even be here. But while you didn’t know where you stood with Jungkook anymore, that didn’t mean you weren’t still proud of him or the rest of the boys. It just became harder to bask in their success with them when you had gone from knowing every detail of their lives, of Jungkook’s life, to knowing only what you could hear from gossiping fans around you, or plastered in tabloids, or all over any form of social media.

The party is held at some sort of fancy lavish restaurant, the entire back room rented out by the band’s record label and management, and is filled with dozens of people you don’t know. Fortunately, you and Dahyun aren’t left alone for very long, as an elated Jin and Jimin, the appointed lead singer, bustle their way through the crowd to you almost as soon as you arrive, leaving very little time for you to feel so awkward that you consider running away again. Jimin, in all his spritely and extravagant blue haired disposition, wastes no time in engulfing you both in a comforting hug as if months hadn’t passed since you’ve last seen them.

“Glad you guys could make it!” Jin smiles from over Jimin’s shoulder.

“It’s been forever,” Jimin affirms.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Dahyun says. “I’m surprised you guys didn’t forget about us, considering you’re big rockstars now.”

“Rockstar is a bit of an overstatement.” An effortlessly charming smirk unfurls on Jimin’s face, which seems to immediately dazzle Dahyun. “Besides, we could never forget you. Hey, come with me to find the guys. I think we could all use some time to catch up━”

He places his hand on the small of Dahyun’s back as he guides her away, leaving you with Jin. A moment of silence passes, in which time you can feel the boy’s eyes lingering on you.

“He knows you’re coming tonight, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Jin says carefully, treading over his words lightly. It’s too painfully obvious who he’s talking about, though you’re fortunate he doesn’t bother mentioning Jungkook’s name anyway. “There’s no point in hiding. I think you should talk to him.”

“I━” You trail off uselessly, your voice croaking. Fearing an imminent breakdown, you shake your head. Then, holding your chin a little higher, Jin’s startled to hear you pretend as if he hadn’t said anything. “It really is good to see you guys again. If you’ll excuse me, I think I need a drink.”

And you’re gone once more before he can say anything else. On your lonesome, you find refuge at the bar, though you only order water because you’re certain you won’t be able to stomach anything stronger. You don’t know how long you spend there, blankly staring at a spot on the wall as your mind wanders everywhere and yet nowhere at all until━

“Y/N?”

There it is again. The familiar sound of his voice, only this time it’s much more attainable, closer to your world and not elsewhere so high in the clouds like a hopeful dream. You brace yourself before turning to face him.

This close, Jungkook looks breathtakingly and painfully beautiful.

As always, he’s adorned in all black, the first few buttons of the silky blouse he’s wearing left undone so that it teases the exposed flesh of his collarbones and the rose tattoo that inks his chest, the thorny stems crawling up the side of his neck just below his ear, accompanied by a pair of leather pants. He’s the same as ever. The same imperfect tattoos that decorate his fingers and arms that you’ve always loved, the same ring-clad fingers painted a chipped black, the same hoop accentuating his button nose. His hair is still his natural dark ebony color (something he’s seemed to stick with much more as of late despite dyeing it wild colours throughout his past), only it’s a little longer than you last remembered, and the sides of his head are shaved in the form of an undercut. You’re foolishly surprised to find he still looks the same, but almost a year away from someone can both change nothing and yet everything all at once.

“Jungkook…” You want to say something more, but your words fall short.

It’s hard to tell if he’s angry or upset at seeing you there, but you don’t think he’s either, and you have an inkling of a thought that he purposely sought you out amongst the many faces. Instead, he looks hesitant, apprehensive, as if dreading how you’ll respond to see him. As if you’ll yell at him, push him away. You do neither, fortunately.

Just when the dense silence starts to become almost unbearable, Jungkook clears his throat. “I━ Wow… You look great.”

You blink once, a flustered blush warming your face that you hope he doesn’t notice. “Oh. Thank you. You do, too.”

His eyes flicker over your presence as he nods absentmindedly. Then, he’s offering you a pretty smile, soft and sweet in nature. No malice, or ill-intent. “Um━ How have you been?”

You hate this. You hate the awkward pauses, the prolonged periods of silence. A year ago, even despite knowingly pining for one another, your moments alone with Jungkook were never so terrible. He always found a way to say something cheekily flirtatious even when you were just friends, if only because he knew it would make you blush and giggle because, no matter how many times you would roll your eyes or nudge his sides, he also knew you secretly loved it. All the inside jokes, the milestones shared together, the ardent fleeting touches ━ where did it all go? And while you were both noticeably trying to maintain the peace and pleasantry between one another, it didn’t feel the same. It felt forced, fake. Distracted.

“I’ve been good,” You lie. “How about you? Actually, don’t answer that━” You let out a breathless chuckle. “You’ve clearly been doing amazing. I mean, your album, and your world tour. And tomorrow you’ve got a big day with the hometown show. I heard it sold out in the first ten minutes.”

“Something like that,” Jungkook says modestly. “It’s been kind of crazy. Namjoon says it’s good, but I miss━ I just miss a lot of how it used to be. The slow pace. I dunno. The quick burn up is quick to burn out, right?”

“Maybe,” You admit. “But I think you’ve all got it in you. You’ve worked so hard for this moment. Enjoy it while you’re in it. You deserve it, Jungkook.”

His stare softens as it meets yours. “Thanks.”

Another beat of silence passes. He looks as if he’s warring with himself, as if he’s fighting the urge to say something more, gnawing at his lower lip, brows knitting together.

“Yo, Jeon!” A foreign voice from amongst the crowd beckons aloud abruptly for the boy.

Jungkook glances over his shoulder swiftly in search of the source, then waves his hand as if to motion he’ll be there later. Then, he turns back to you. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay. I won’t keep you,” You say. “I know you’re busy.”

“But━” He stops himself, his jaw clamping shut. Changing his mind, he decides to ask hopefully, “Will you be at the show tomorrow?”

“Of course.” The affirmation seems to relieve him, even though it’s a spontaneous decision made by you on the spot. Before this moment, you hadn’t been so sure you could go.

“Promise?”

You can’t help but shake your head, a chuckle slipping past your lips at the innocent boyish question he asks. “Yes, Jungkook.”

His smile widens a little more, however sheepish it may be. “Then can you promise me one more thing?”

“What?” You quirk a brow, intrigued to say the least.

“Will you drop by the hotel we’re staying at tomorrow morning, so I can take you out for a coffee? Just to catch up. It’s been a while,” he says timidly. Then, feeling a little stupid for being so bold, scrambles to explain himself. “And no pressure if you don’t want to. I just thought━”

You can’t possibly say no. Not when it comes to Jungkook, all your past struggles seemingly vanishing without a trace. “I’d like that a lot, Jungkook.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

Then he’s positively beaming, his self-indulgent grin making your own heart flutter in your chest. When he leaves your side that night, you find yourself looking forward to the future perhaps a little too optimistically. But how terrible could grabbing coffee with your ex be, if you had survived the first wretched encounter?

So, in the morning when you wake, there’s not a stutter in your step or a wavering flicker of your confidence as you make your way to the Four Seasons hotel Jungkook had told you to from the night before. In fact, a selfish part of you almost thinks that maybe things will start to look up. That maybe you and Jungkook can finally make amends. That maybe you never had a reason to fear Jungkook breaking your heart if he made such an effort to heal it.

The hotel itself is one of the most luxurious ones in Seoul, a considerable contrast from when the boys were slumming it on friends’ couches and in their run-down van touring the country. The room Jungkook tells you to meet him at is one of the hotel’s grand suites, located on the higher levels of the building. But as soon as you reach the landing and have begun making your way towards the designated door, it flings open and a pretty girl comes stumbling out. She’s giggling at something that has just happened inside, her hair a dishevelled mess which she ruffles up in an attempt to fix it. She’s adorned in a pretty little dress, the skirt of which is hiked a little higher up and one strap falling down her shoulder, as she clings her shoes and bag to her chest. She smiles at you on the way past, though she’s too far gone in her own little daze that you wonder if she even notices you at all.

But you certainly notice her, and, all at once, your reverie of him and what could be comes crashing to the ground once more.

Maybe you should have stayed, should have waited for Jungkook to let him explain, but you were too afraid to hear an answer you weren’t looking for. You try desperately not to imagine Jungkook loving someone else. You try not to think about him holding her the same way he held you, his lips finding purchase on some other girl. But by trying to avoid the thought, it beckons the unwarranted memories of how it felt to be loved all over by him once upon a time. You wonder how many girls he’s hooked up with in your time apart, and the overwhelming sense of regret washes over you.

You don’t bother to wait. You know fleeing is the easiest option rather than facing your fear, but you’re far too timid of rejection again. Instead, even before you can approach Jungkook’s hotel room and knock on the door, you turn on your heels and run.

You’re long gone by the time Jungkook comes to the door, prying it open in search of you on a whim. When he doesn’t see you, he glances up and down the hallway but to no avail. Namjoon comes slinking past inside then in his own disoriented haze, having just woken up from moments ago when the girl he had taken back to their room the night before left. Even then, Jungkook had warned the rhythm guitarist against bringing the girl back, pointing out the fact that they had much to do today ahead of their concert. Namjoon had promised it wouldn’t be long, that she would be gone in the morning, and Jungkook was fortunate enough that the suite had two separate bedrooms on the opposite ends of one another so that Jungkook didn’t have to hear whatever it was the pair were doing in the other.

“Did Mina leave?” Namjoon asks through a yawn, digging the heels of his palms into his tired eyes. When Jungkook nods, a sliver of a reminiscent smug grin tugs at Namjoon’s lips. “You missed out, Jungkook.”

The cheeky quip is met with a roll of Jungkook’s eyes. “I’m sure I’ll survive. You know I’m not like that.”

Like that━ As in midnight hook-ups and cheap thrills alike. He tried it once, far ago when you had first broken up with him, on a drunken spur of a moment as a way of healing the anguish in his heart. It hadn’t worked then; he assumed it would never work.

Namjoon seems to understand this immediately. He gives Jungkook a look that the boy doesn’t notice. “Well… is Y/N here yet?”

“No. But I’m sure she’ll be here,” Jungkook grimaces. He hopes. “Something probably came up.”

Namjoon clasps a reassuring hand on Jungkook’s shoulder, humming aloud, “Good luck, dude.”

But you never arrive, even though Jungkook waits for most of the morning, nervous eyes flickering to the door at every commotion outside, running to check only to see room service delivering breakfast or concierge showing guests to their rooms. He has no choice but to give up on the thought of you coming when Jin knocks on their door, prompting the boys to get a start on their day. Interviews and soundcheck await, but how could he possibly go on with his life without knowing what happened to you?

Which is why you stay on his mind for the rest of the day, distracting him in every aspect, mixing up his words when he’s in the midst of his interview, tripping up on stage as the boys set up and begin to rehearse. As the hours wane down to just an hour before the show, the thought of performing in front of thousands of fans starts to make him nervous and he doesn’t know why. He’s done this countless times before, almost nightly during the tour, so what stops him now? Of course he knows the answer, had grown all too accustomed to the feeling the first few months in which the break up had been so recent. It would always be about you.

But just before the show starts, Jungkook is making his way backstage from the greenroom, where the band had been waiting, to the stage. Fiddling with his in-ear piece, he almost doesn’t notice you and Dahyun weaving your way through the roadies and sound tech, being guided by Jin to the pit on the side of the stage where only family and friends are allowed. You don’t see him, and there’s a split moment where he thinks he should just let you go, until he doesn’t.

As he makes his way to you, the tour manager for the band intervenes part way, shouting out to the boy. “Where are you going? We’re on in five, Jungkook!”

“Yeah, I’ll be right back━” He waves the manager off as politely as he can, wasting no time to chase after you. He calls out your name, though it drowns out in the sound of the music being blasted through the speakers of the arena and the screaming fans. “Y/N, wait up!”

He’s relieved when he sees you stop in your tracks, turning to face him as Dahyun and Jin become lost in the chaos of the backstage. He comes to stand just before you, smiling breathlessly at you, unaware of the way your shoulders tense at the sight of him.

“You didn’t show up this morning,” he says as a way of greeting, his voice a curious prob. “What happened?”

You try desperately not to get lost in his big beautiful eyes, laced with such hope. Instead, you fold your arms over your chest, looking away. “Something came up.”

It’s then that Jungkook senses something is wrong. You’re upset with him, though he can’t tell why. Aside from the obvious rift in your relationship that had initially split you two up, you had been so pleasant to see him the night before. But he doesn’t give up just yet. “Well… you’re here now.”

You meet his gaze with your own hardened one. “For the boys.”

A shot right to his heart almost makes Jungkook gasp for air. He flinches, and then his stare softens, and you wish he wouldn’t look at you like that, out of fear that you might just relapse into his arms.

“What’s wrong?” He closes the distance between the two of you. He wants nothing more than to reach out and touch you, but refrains with much difficulty. There’s dozens of things that could be wrong, and he braces himself for your retaliation. “You didn’t want to come, did you?”

When you don’t respond, but also don’t stray from his side, Jungkook hurries to speak again if only to fill the tense silence.

“Look, last night… Maybe it was just me, but last night seemed like things were okay,” he says. “Was I wrong to feel that way?”

“Jungkook…”

“Please, just let me know,” he begs. “Because you’re all I can think about these days, it’s driving me crazy. And I don’t know what’s going on, but the reason I wanted to see you this morning was because I hate how things ended between us, and I wanted to tell you…” He swallows nervously as he trails off uncertainly. “I wanted to tell you that I’m still in love with you. And I can’t get you out of my head. These months away from you made me realize that I━”

Suddenly, you’re shaking your head and he knows you don’t believe him. As soon as the words leave his mouth, he regrets saying it, if only because they seem to enliven you. Now, you push yourself away from the boy. “I’m not doing this right now. You’re not doing this right now.”

As if to further your point, the band’s tour manager can be heard calling out frantically for the boy. “Two minutes, Jungkook!”

But Jungkook is hardly paying attention now, instead solely focused on you. “Please, Y/N━”

“No, you don’t get to say that to me,” You admonish hotly. You can’t bite the words back, no matter how hard you try. “You don’t love me. You think you love me, but you don’t.”

His jaw clenches, and his brows furrow into a frustrated stare. “I do.”

“You don’t.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Stop.” The harsh word makes Jungkook clamp his mouth shut. You shake your head furiously, but you know it’s only to distract yourself so that you don’t let the tears fall. “You’re being selfish, Jungkook. You don’t get to take all of me, love all of me, and leave, only to come back months later and pretend you’re still in love with me. And whatever this━” You gesture vaguely between the two of you, “is, or was, doesn’t exist anymore. We both need to stop pretending otherwise.”

Jungkook winces, eyes tinged with pain. “You don’t mean that.”

You don’t respond. Elsewhere, his tour manager starts to grow impatient, scolding the boy aloud, “Jungkook, we’re gonna be late. Hurry up!”

“Yeah, I’ll be there!” Jungkook calls back, irritated. Maybe he is being selfish. He’s wasting precious time by not leaving, all the hard work that the crew put into tonight’s show, and the fans awaiting his and the band’s arrival. He can still hear the crowd, this time their buzzing voices amalgamating into unanimous chanting muffled by the walls that sounds akin to the band’s name.

“You should go,” You say now. “Don’t wanna disappoint them.”

But he’d throw it all away for you if you told him to. He promised you that even before he had left for tour, before the band had been signed. Had you forgotten? Because he surely hadn’t.

“Y/N…”

“Good luck out there.”

Then, you’re gone before Jungkook can even make a move to stop you ━ but even if he did, what could he do to make you stay? The feat seemed impossible, and you always seem to find a way to slip from his grasp no matter what he does. Only this time he has no choice but to let you go, out of fear of being berated further by his tour manager or angering the boys so much to the point where he gets kicked out of the band.

He makes it on stage in time, the band filing out to take their places one at a time, deafening screams blowing out their in-ear pieces that stand no chance as each member joins the stage. The lights fizzle out until complete darkness cloaks the venue, but Jungkook still looks for you. He finds you in the pit on the side of the stage, Jin and Dahyun standing beside you, and finds it hard to keep his eyes off of you even though you attempt to pretend as if he’s not even there.

After their first adrenaline-filled opening song of the night, Jimin takes to the microphone to greet the crowd who scream back an indiscernible shout as, elsewhere, you notice Jungkook pry himself away from the microphone stand on his side of the stage to wave the rest of the boys over to Hoseok’s drum kit. They murmur amongst themselves briefly, though they go unnoticed by Jimin or the crowd as the lead singer entertains them.

“Seoul! It’s good to be back. We’ve missed you all so much━”

Jimin’s words get cut short when Jungkook, having just parted ways with the rest of his members for their impromptu meeting, beckons the lead singer over, out of range of the microphone. They seem to discuss something just as shortly as Jungkook had talked with the rest of the boys, in which time Jimin nods understandingly, then steps away from the microphone. Then, Jungkook takes to the microphone, the rings on his fingers glistening under the spotlight as he grips the stand.

“I know the night’s only getting started,” Jungkook’s voice wavers as he speaks, “but we’re gonna slow things down for a moment. We hope you don’t mind.”

Intrigued murmurs echo around the crowd, suddenly buzzing with excitement as they watch Jungkook with eager eyes. A few encouraging bellows has Jungkook smiling smally. Jin, on the other hand, looks perplexed.

“What is he doing?” Jin asks no one in particular, a quizzical look on his face. “This isn’t part of their set.”

“I think a lot of you might know this next song,” Jungkook continues, “but I don’t think I’ve ever expressed how much it means to me. This next one, I wrote for a special someone, and it sort of helped us achieve all of this. So, I think it’s time that person knows how much they mean to me.”

Jungkook glances nervously over at the boys standing behind him, each in their own respective spots. Then, sweeping his gaze across the crowd, he finally finds you already staring up at him. His own eyes soften into a look of longing, however hardened by past tribulations and sorrow it may be. As if he’s determined not to lose you again; determined to make it up to you.

“This next one is for Y/N,” he says timidly. He has to turn away from you in the next second, afraid he might just break down before the fans and the boys and you. “I’m sorry I messed up.”

As the boys take their place, with Jimin taking an acoustic and fading back from the limelight, you wonder why. But then you hear it, the familiar beginning chords making up the song you had so wholeheartedly claimed you hated. Only this time they’re gentler, made up of acoustic strums of a guitar, Hoseok’s drums, and Yoongi’s keys, all amalgamating into a pretty song almost unrecognizable.

Then, Jungkook starts singing, and what was once a wistful dreamy song of prospective lovers suddenly turns into a melancholic requiem for you. Some lyrics are changed, present tense turning to the past, and Jungkook sings his way throughout the entirety of the song in contrast to the one that plays all over the radio featuring the other member’s voices. The fans sing along, their voices melding with Jungkook’s into some sort of celestial mellifluous choir, and you’re left no longer wondering if the fans would ever know the meaning behind the song that Jungkook had brought to life. Because now, it wasn’t just Jungkook singing to you; it was the whole world. And yet, paradoxically at the same time, it felt all that much more intimate. As if it were just you and him once again, seated on the couch in his small apartment, listening to the beginnings of what would be their number one selling song.

Above all else, you realize that you don’t seem to hate the song as much you claimed to.

That night, you can’t sleep.

You find yourself leaving the venue earlier than everyone else, even when the boys invite you and Dahyun to join them for celebratory drinks, returning to your home in the hopes of forgetting the night altogether. Instead, you stay up tossing and turning, your mind filled with memories consisting of only Jungkook and his haunting voice singing to you, and for you. But at some point during the night nearing one or two in the morning, just when you give up on the idea of sleep, the sound of incessant knocking at your front door rouses you from your trance.

When you finally answer the door, you’re more than surprised to see that Jungkook stands on the other side of the threshold as if coming to you from a dream. But then you register the fact that he’s a complete mess. Dark circles line his weary eyes, now smudged with that faint hint of charcoal liner he had worn for the concert, hair so messily mused beyond repair, and you notice quickly that he’s crying, fresh tears glazing over his pupils and streaking down his face. It’s startling to see him in such shambles, a complete contrast to how effortlessly charming and confident he usually portrays himself. But though you’ve seen him cry before on various occasions, now is all the more unsettling.

“I━I’m sorry.” It’s the first thing he says, screwing his eyes shut tightly as he shakes his head. He fumbles over his words, slurring them together in his rush to get them out. “I know I’m probably the last person you want to see right now, but I needed to see you.”

“Are you drunk?”

“No, no, I swear━” He pries his eyes open to meet your desolate stare, tears unabashedly falling from his lashes. His voice thins with desperation. “You said we need to stop pretending, but I’m not pretending. I never have been. And if you think ━ if you truly believe ━ that there’s nothing here between us anymore… Tell me. Right here, right now. And I’ll leave you alone forever, you’ll never have to see me again. I just━ I’ve missed you every moment and it kills me.”

You’re silent for a long period, pitying gaze sweeping over him, but he doesn’t care if he looks insane. He just needs you to know how he feels.

“Well, how do you think I felt?” You ask the question carefully, but then the memories come flooding back and the semblance of a scowl forms on your face. “You leave and suddenly everywhere I look I see you. Your song is playing everywhere, you and the guys are everywhere, and I’m reminded every day about how we ended. About how you left me.”

Jungkook blinks. He shakes his head stubbornly, the nerves in the corner of his jaw fluttering as he grits his teeth. “You were the one who said we should take a break.”

“A break!” You snap sternly. “Fuck, Jungkook. I didn’t want you out of my life forever. I wanted you to fight for me.”

“No, don’t put this all on me,” Jungkook pleads helplessly. “I have always fought for you. But the minute things got rough, you bailed. You told me you never wanted to see me again. What the hell was I supposed to do?”

“I was scared!” You try to swallow the tears away that start to form as a lump in your throat but to no avail. “I was, and I still am, so fucking scared of losing you. And you━ It felt like you gave me no choice. Like you were over it. I would have wanted to make things work but you left. You just… You left, and suddenly it was like you were never in my life at all. Seven months, and I get no word from you.”

“I fucked up, okay!” He cries out so suddenly, it silences you at once. He bites at his lip, and straightens up half-heartedly, running a hand through his hair. When he meets your stare this time, he’s zealous yet sincere. “I know that I messed up. I know. And it fucking kills me every single day. I don’t know where it went wrong, but it did, and I know it’s all my fault. When you said we should take a break and I agreed, I was only thinking about you. Because I knew I was disappointing you every day, and I was afraid that was all I would ever do, and you don’t deserve that. I thought it would be better this way, if I was just gone from your life for good. But I can’t forget you.”

“How can I trust you?” You ask. When his pained stare gawks at you, you tilt your chin a little higher. “I came by your hotel room yesterday morning, just like you asked, only to see that girl leaving.”

Jungkook’s gawk turns into a dumbfounded expression. He looks weary as he shakes his head, as if struggling to keep up with the way you accuse him now. He tries not to focus on the fact that you actually came to the hotel, then feels inconsolably terrible when he realizes why he never got to see you. “That girl was Namjoon’s fling. We were sharing the suite, and they were in a whole other room. I didn’t even think about her━”

Your stare droops from him, and he knows he’s struggling to keep you on his side.

“Okay, fine. You want trust? I’ll give it to you,” he says. A newfound sense of confidence seems to possess him, though he approaches the topic with extra caution anyway. “After we broke up, I was crushed. I couldn’t move on from you, and the guys thought I should get drunk, find a random girl to bring back to our hotel one night on tour. And I listened, because I wanted to forget you, but it didn’t work. All I could think about was you. Every time she touched me, every time she kissed me, I could only imagine it was you. And when she left that night, I broke down because I felt like such a fucking idiot. I instantly regretted it. Like, even though you and I weren’t together, I still did something to hurt you by sleeping with that girl. And all it did was hurt me too in the process.”

He pushes himself forward, taking a step over the threshold. Even despite him admitting his wrongs to you, you can’t find it in yourself to hate him. Because, at the end of it all, he’s here at your doorstep, pleading for you to forgive him, but he had already won the moment your eyes had landed on him.

“You’re the reason I am who I am today.” His voice is hoarse when he speaks, almost in a whisper. “That I get to do what I love for a living. But all of it means nothing without you. You saw me at my worst, and my best. And you were the best I ever had, and I ruined it, and the worst part of it all is that there’s nothing I can do to make up for it. But I promise I can make it better ━ I can make it right again ━ if you just give me a chance.”

There’s a short pause filled with poignant silence in which Jungkook thinks you’ll push him away or scream at him. He’s fortunate when you do neither; instead, he hears you whisper faintly.

“Kiss me, Jungkook.”

And it’s more than enough for him. His heart thrums in delight as he wastes no time in reaching out for you. His hands are warm as they come to grasp at your face, holding you delicately; then he’s leaning in to you, drawing you closer and closer until his lips are pressed against yours. It’s unadulterated, but not without feverish passion, noses smushing together in both your eager hastiness to close the distance between the two of you. It doesn’t last long either, though that’s partly because Jungkook can taste your tears mingling on your lips, and can feel your faint smile form against his mouth. Kissing him feels both foreign yet familiar at the same time. You know the feel, the taste, and the sense of comfort that comes with it, but months apart from one another has left it feeling different.

Jungkook’s thumb wipes away at the tears on your face. “Why are you crying?”

It’s a useless question, he knows, but he needs something to fill the silence. He’s relieved when he hears you snicker. “Because I miss you, you idiot. And I’m sorry I’ve been acting like such an idiot. I’ve messed everything up.”

His own shoulders quiver with contented mirth. “It’ll be okay.” As he leans in once more for another kiss, you can feel him murmur against your mouth, “I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

“Then make it right,” You say, “right here and now.”

“I’ll do anything for you,” he promises earnestly.

Jungkook understands the underlying yearning in your voice even without having you explain yourself. He knows, if only because he can feel it too. As his hands fall to your waist, fingers digging into your skin, your own arms wrap around his neck and pull him into your apartment. He has you pressed up against the nearest wall within seconds, kissing at your throat, then up to your jawline.

“It’s been so long,” he sighs.

You hum in agreement, though your mind is already spinning, and all you can muster is a weak yet urgent croak of his name. “Jungkook.”

Your fingers thread through his hair, tugging at the roots and he croons with delight. His lips finally meet yours again, only this time he lets his tongue lav at your lower lip. Almost as soon as he does so, you notice something strange. It takes a moment for you to register the small metallic object that grazes your lower lip but when you do, you pull away from the boy.

“What’s wrong?” Jungkook asks in a confused dazed.

“Is that…” You rasp. “Did you get your tongue pierced?”

Suddenly, Jungkook is smirking, one brow shooting up to his hairline in a smug demeanour. He sticks out his tongue for you to see the silver ball poking through and you almost moan at the sight of it as the thought entices you.

“Oh.” Your face warms with a flustered blush. “That’s new.”

“Yeah,” he says. “Always wanted to get it done. Guess I was saving it for the right moment.”

“Right moment, huh?” You scoff as if the implications don’t already have your thighs rubbing together. “Care to explain?”

“I think you’ll find out soon enough.”

You dissolve into a fit of giggles, marvelling at the way Jungkook’s familiar flirtatious bantering can soothe your troubled heart at once. It’s almost as if time hasn’t lapsed between the two of you.

“I’ve missed this,” You sigh. “I’ve missed you, Jungkook.”

You spot him smiling before he’s kissing you again, this time his tongue slipping past your parted lips to meet yours midway. The piercing is strange to adjust to, but you get used to it quickly, humming at the feeling of it against the soft flesh of your tongue. It’s easy to get lost in one another’s lips as you pull and tug at Jungkook, guiding him to your bedroom, nearly tripping and stumbling over one another in the process. He knows the path like the back of his hand, the same way he knows every curve and dimple of your body as his greedy hands explore you. He has you sprawled out beneath him on the bed in a matter of seconds, carelessly shedding each other of your clothes until you’re left naked and he’s without a shirt.

As he’s tugging off the hoodie you’re wearing, he realizes two things abruptly. One: you’re not wearing anything beneath it, your bare body dazzling him at once. And, two: a sudden thought jogs his memory that makes him ponder aloud, “Is this my sweater?”

“Yes,” You admit sheepishly.

He smirks. “Was wondering where it went.”

“You forgot to take it back when…” You don’t finish your sentence. Instead, you tug your fingers at the hair at the nape of his neck, as if scared he’ll leave again. He doesn’t. Instead, he nestles his body between your legs, tonguing patterns on your neck. “I wear it sometimes, especially when I’m missing you. I don’t know… It just━ It still smells like you, even after all this time.”

Jungkook’s heart nearly implodes. He wonders briefly if he’d prefer fucking you without or with the hoodie; but then he’s letting himself time to study your naked body and he deduces he needs to gaze at you in your entirety a little longer.

“Keep talking,” he murmurs. He starts kissing down your body now, starting from your throat to your collarbones, between the valley of your breasts, then your navel. “Tell me more. How badly did you miss me?”

“So badly,” You whimper. Your legs instinctively part to make way for him as he shifts downward, kissing just above your core. A shudder runs down your spine when he kisses the inside of your thigh. “Sometimes I’d put your sweater on and touch myself to the thought of you.”

He grunts against you, teeth softly biting at your flesh. His tongue pokes against your thigh, the metallic piercing a dully cold sensation as he licks upward to your core. He laps at your folds, as if to taste the glistening cum that starts to form.

Your breath audibly hitches in your throat, hips jutting forward to meet his mouth. “I missed your hands, and the way they made me feel. Missed your mouth between my legs. Missed cumming on your tongue, or your fingers.”

Now, you’re starting to understand what he meant by waiting for the right moment to use the piercing to its fullest potential. As he lifts his head higher to tongue at your clit, the piercing makes your head spin. The contrast between his soft tongue and the harsh metal works wonders against you, rubbing you just the right way that has you a moaning mess beneath him within a matter of seconds.

“Fuck━” You cry out, hands twisting in his hair. “My hands never feel the same. You always made me feel so good, Jungkook.”

He hums something in response, the sound reverberating up your spine. He busies himself by replacing his tongue with his finger, rubbing small, controlled circles against your clit as he lowers his mouth to your folds. He teases the piercing against the sensitive flesh before lapping at your insides, burrowing further into you.

“Ooh, Jungkook━”

The noise that eclipses your throat is a piqued sob of delight. The piercing that scratches against your walls has your insides throbbing, body twisting and turning beneath him. You grab at your breasts, fingers pinching at the perked buds as you imagine Jungkook’s hands in replace of yours.

His mouth wraps just right around you and he sucks hard, earning a beautiful moan from you. It doesn’t take long for you to draw closer to your high, sputtering and whimpering at every action he does. Soon he’s burrowing his face even closer against your core, nose nudging against your clit in a way that makes you writhe and squirm. Before he can get carried away (and he certainly could), Jungkook decides to come to a stop which seems to thoroughly surprise and upset you. When you feel his missing warmth between your legs and the sticky wet mess accentuated further by the cool air that hits you, you pout like a child.

“That’s not fair,” you whine.

“Sorry, baby. Need to feel you.” He pulls away from you and crawls over your body once more. He kisses your lips, sloppy and heated, and lets you taste your own succulence on your tongue. “God, I need to feel you so bad.”

You’re just as much startled as you were seconds ago to hear the slight whine in his voice, a sound hot enough to almost push you over the edge.

“I’ve missed you too, just so you know,” he moans, burrowing his face in the crook of your neck. Your fingers continue to scratch delicately at his scalp and he simpers delightfully against you. He ruts his hips eagerly against yours, the bulge in his pants rough against your core. “So fucking much.”

“How much?” Now it’s your turn to ask, your curiosity getting the best of you once you find your voice.

“Every day,” he sighs as he continues to grind his hips into yours. “Get so hard at the thought of you. Your pretty mouth moaning my name. Your hands in my hair, just like this━” You pull a little tighter at the roots of his locks, and he has to stifle his contented moan. “And your body━ Fuck, your body. You take my dick so well, baby.”

“Jungkook,” You mewl impatiently. “Wanna feel you in me.”

“Fuck, okay. Okay━”

He hastens to rid himself of his pants and you help, arms momentarily tangling with one another in your rush. Then he’s kneeling before you, one hand planted firmly on your hip, rings digging roughly against your skin, as his other hand wraps a fist around his hard length, slowly pumping himself. He guides the tip of his leaking cock to your core and pushes himself forward carefully. He easily slips past your folds, coaxed by your slick walls, that he has to pause to give you both time to adjust to the feeling. It’s just as he remembered, though somehow better, and he isn’t so sure how long he’ll last. You don’t know either, marvelling in the way he stretches you open.

“Oh, shit,” he grunts.

He watches as your jaw drops open in a silent gap, your eyes fixed only on his. You grab at his hips, fingers scratching delicately over the laurel tattoos inked there, prompting him to move. He does so in one languid movement, burying deeper and deeper into you until you feel so full and he feels so warm. He fucks into you a little sluggish at first, taking his time and enjoying the way your clenching walls feel around his throbbing cock. It’s a pace so maddening that it soon has the both of you panting, heavy moans filling the space around you. Your own fingers dig into his shoulders, his back, his hips ━ anything to keep a hold on reality as you slowly lose yourself to the pleasure. He reaches for one of your hands, eager to feel you in more ways than one, and laces his digits with yours, pressing your clasped palms above your head. You squeeze tightly, his name falling from your lips in a cry.

“Doing so good,” he mumbles through gritted teeth. “Feel so nice, baby.”

Jungkook grasps at your hips and flips the two of you over. He lands on his back on the soft mattress and you fumble to not break the pace. Firmly planting your hands on his chest, you grind against him, sweat coating your forehead. He watches you with a dark fascination, brows screwed together and jaw clenched as your own cum starts leaking down his length. Not wanting to waste another moment without being beside you, he sits up and shifts you in his lap. Then he pulls you close to him, chest pulled flush against chest to the point where he can feel the rapid beat of your heart against his. You whimper aloud, wrapping your arms tightly around his neck as he guides your hips back and forth on him. There’s little to no space between your gyrating bodies, sweaty skin sticking to one another.

At some point, Jungkook notices you’re crying again, steady tears tangling in your lashes and wetting your face. Despite the way you’re driving him to near euphoria, he brushes your hair out of your face and manages to ask, “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“I’m sorry━ fuck,” You gasp. He can tell you’re genuinely sympathetic for whatever’s making you cry but it’s hard for you to convey it properly when you’re still so consumed by him. “I’m so sorry━ I’m okay. I just━ You feel so good, Jungkook.”

“It’s okay,” he whispers, rubbing tender circles against your waist that contrasts with the fierce burn between your legs. “You’re okay, baby. Doing so well for me, aren’t you? Cum for me, yeah?”

You won’t tell him why you’re crying ━ not yet, at least. But Jungkook thinks he knows why; he can feel it too. The bitter sense of longing and mingling regret for all the time lost. The overwhelming feeling of love of finally being reunited. You continue to roll your hips against his, and he, breathless, rubs his nose faintly against yours, resting his forehead against yours.

It doesn’t take much longer after that for you to come tumbling to you high. He strokes your hair so lovingly as you ride him recklessly, leisure rolls of your hips driving you to your high. When you cum, the feeling completely washes over you and electricity crackles in your veins, warming your entire body. He holds you close to his chest the entire time as you writhe with pleasure, your walls clenching around his cock.

“Fuck, I’m gonna━” His voice splinters off as you busy yourself by sucking a bruise onto the underside of his jaw.

He reaches his high moments later just as you’re beginning to wince at the feeling of oversensitivity. He grunts and groans, spilling his hot seed into you, and then, with his hips slammed against yours, grinds leisurely to ride out your highs.

Then, the room falls silent.

Neither of you move from your warm embrace, with you still perched on his lap, his cock softening inside you as his cum runs down his length and onto your thighs. Your face is hidden in the crook of his neck, and he waits until you’ve both calmed down from your orgasms. You’re running your fingers through his sweaty hair, but he knows you’re still sad. He kisses you all over in the meantime, a few ticklish kisses that make you smile sleepily and a few loving ones that have your heart swelling. Then, he gingerly shifts your head to look at him.

“Why were you crying?” he asks silently.

It takes you a moment to respond. You cling to him tightly when you do and all he can do is cradle you closer to him. “I don’t want this to be some kind of drunken one night stand thing. Like we both needed one last fuck to get over each other, or something."

“You mean more to me than a one night stand,” Jungkook says and it makes you smile smally, a little timidly.

“That’s good,” You say, “because I’m not over you or us. I want us to work out. I love you too much to lose you again, and I’m scared this might be the last time I’ll ever see you.”

“I’m not letting that happen,” Jungkook shakes his head furiously. “I’d be an absolute idiot to let that happen. You won’t lose me. I’m not going anywhere this time. You’re my priority, Y/N. You always have been. Not the band and definitely not the record label.”

“I’m sure the boys will love to hear that,” You snort to yourself.

“Yeah, well, I’m sure they’ll understand,” Jungkook grins. But you’re only joking, and you know he sort of is too. That’s not to say the band isn’t still important to him, but you take precedent over it. “Without you, I wouldn’t even have the chance to be where I am now.”

You nuzzle your nose against his own, and he steals one sweet kiss from you.

“Do you really mean all that?”

“With my whole heart.”

And, when he says it, you know he means it. There’s no reason not to trust him.

You’ll both move eventually from one another’s arms, soft touches from Jungkook peeling you off of him and wrapping you in your covers before falling asleep beside you, and waking up in the morning with you in his arms. But, for now, it’s just you and him, a little broken still yet all the more in love.

While you both know healing a broken heart will take time, you’re both prepared for it because you’re both worth it to one another ━ and that’s all either of you really need in the end to make it right.

⟶ Feedback is always appreciated!

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