Fourth James and Twelve

"Who I am is where I stand. Where I stand is where I fall. Stand with me. These people are terrified. Maybe we can help, a little. Why not, just at the end, just be kind?"

Taglist

@darth-caillic​ @sterling-writes​ @wonderguards​ @reirvival​ @arrthurpendragon​ @foxesandmagic @eddysocs @superspookyjanelle (want to be added or removed? send an ask or a dm!)

Comics/Graphic Novels I Read in 2023

1. Doctor Who: Weapons of Past Destruction by Calvin Scott, Blair Shedd, Rachel Sottt, and Anang Setyawan

The Doctor, Rose, and Jack get caught up in a galaxy where two aliens are using timelord technology to prevent others from using time travel in order to prevent another time war. However, good their intentions are, the Doctor proves to them its wrong while also saving Rose multiple times.

2. Doctor Who: A Matter of Life and Death by George Mann, Emma Vieceli, and Hi Fi

The Doctor meets a young woman named Josie who has very strong animae powers that bring her drawings to life. Once he saves that situation, he finds a note from himself with coordinates and him and Josie go on some life changing and crazy adventures. I love Josie, she’s cool. And the fact that it’s Twelve and Clara who hook her up with the Eighth Doctor is quite lovely a nice surprise.

3. Neil Gaiman’s Tecknophage Vol 2. by Bryan Talbot, Paul Jenkins, and James Vance

Returning to the world of Tecknophage, we see the pitfalls and the ruin of the man who runs the universe, kind of. I appreciate and also hated that so much of this book resonated with what’s going on in my country right now regarding politics. How Tecknophage very clearly is the example of one side. But watching as others find ways to subvert, rise up, and save themselves was encouraging until the end where Henry Phage returns to his world that is still running off of human suffering and slave labor. I am looking forward to reading more of the other characters in this series if I can find them.

4. I Want to Be a Wall Volume 2 by Honami Shirono

I really love this series. Now that we’ve gotten to know Yuriko and Gakurouta it was interesting to see them explain how they met through the arranged marriage application but become friends first before deciding to eventually get married. I also loved the way they explored both of them learning more about each other and also wanting to be good partners while both accepting that sometime in the future if the other ever felt differently they would leave. It’s such a wholesome exploration of QPRs and also I love that we got to meet Momo-kun, Yuriko’s bisexual friend who introduced her to the term asexuality. I think he and Gakurouta’s talk was really great and beautiful to explain asexuality.

5. Is Love the Answer? By Uta Isaki

In this graphic novel we meet Chika who feels like an alien because she doesn’t experience romantic or sexual attraction. And honestly I was worried the first couple pages because she was almost traumatized by the ‘typical’ relationship standards that her boyfriends wanted and she didn’t, but it ended up being a great exploration of learning about your sexuality, your interpretations of your sexuality, boundaries, and feeling good in your own skin. I loved the instant friendship she had with Enomoto and Ito but I really loved her interactions with Ume even if his story was a little sad.

6. Saga Volume 2 by Brian K. Vaughan and Fiona Staples

It’s been a while since I’ve been in the saga universe but I always wanted to go back to it and I’m glad I did. It’s such a unique and fascinating world and learning about Marko and Alana and how they met and fell in love over a book that was secretly coded to stop the war between their peoples is fascinating. Especially since the whole story is narrated by their daughter Hazel who is just a baby in the scenes we see. I’m also still very intrigued by the slave girl that is rescued and Prince Robot the IV.

7. Saga Volume 3 by Brian K. Vaughan and Fiona Staples

In this volume we learn why Alana, Marko, and crew are in the writer’s house after the last cliffhanger we had and that they have been there for a while. Alana and Marko were hoping for answers on what to do next now that they followed the story, but the writer only helps push them along with help from Marko’s mother. Though what will happen next is unknown since they are about to fight their way out. Seeing the story of The Will and Slave Girl was interesting and a good twist to give more humanity to the Will, though the need for romance between him and Gwen seems to be a push. We’ll see where it goes now that The Will has been taken out of the picture for now.

8. March Book 1 by John Lewis, Andrew Aydin, and Nate Powell

I learned about this amazing graphic novel because Andrew Aydin was in the Comic Censorship Panel I went to at Heroes Con in 2022. He spoke about March which is now required reading for many schools, but I had never heard of it and since it came out after I was in school maybe that’s why. Still, it’s the graphic narrative and biography of John Lewis’ life and its fantastic as well as hard. This book, which is the first of three, tackled John’s early years growing up on his family’s farm and his rise through his college years where he learned and practiced nonviolent protest as a student to start becoming the Civil Rights leader we know him best for. I’m sure the more we go, the harder some stories will go, but I’m eager to read them and I also love that it is also shown as John looking back before he attends Obama’s inauguration.

9. Sandman Volume 3: Dream Country by Neil Gaiman, Kelley Jones, Malcom Jones III, Charles Vess, and Colleen Doran

So this is where Calliope and A Dream of A Thousand Cats came from! I’m a little sad that I didn’t read these before the episodes dropped, but while Dream of a Thousand Cats was done shot for shot, I’m actually really glad for the way they updated Calliope because I would have been filled with dread to watch it. I mean the basic story elements are the same but Richard Madoc in the comic is way more of a deplorable than the way he's portrayed in the show, because he automatically just starts raping Calliope with no care. Not that he doesn’t begin to in the show, but I think the character change to make him more likeable at first because he doesn’t want to force her, he just wants help to write his novel, but he ignores her wishes to be free with her promise to help and that desperation to not give away the power I think is a better retelling of how greed can actually influence people is so much stronger. I can’t wait to watch it again. A Midsummers Night Dream was fun to see the twist on how Shakespeare performed for the actual fairies that inspired the play and I would love to see Façade adapted because I can totally picture Kirby Baptiste as Death in it and she would knock it out of the park. Can’t wait for more.

10. March Book 2 by John Lewis, Andrew Aydin, and Nate Powell

Another powerful book in the retelling of John Lewis’ life and his leading actions in the civil rights movement. There were times in this book that were powerful and times absolutely unimaginable because of the horror and the violence committed against black Americans. Especially because while the Kennedys tried to help they didn’t know how to navigate past the racism that this country was founded on and still exists today. And that was probably the most chilling part. That we are still dealing with this all these years later. But as quoted in the final pages of this book, this is important to tell for the next generation of leaders and we must continue the fight until it is won.

cake walk bucky barnes x reader

+++++++++

Inspo can be found here, i really liked the idea and kinda ran with it lol

sorry ive been away for a while. ive been in a shit mindset but things around me are changing again and im hoping for the better. im away from home this week and figured id finally finish this, as well as restart the marvel shows on netflix so expect some new daredevil and punisher one shots in the near future 😁

also this is like half edited so if it sucks or i forgot to fix anything sorry

Song: soft by motionless in white

tag list: @cynic-spirit +++++++++

Bucky had been super tired lately. He had been having nightmares here and there and though he hadn't had one in a while he was still worried he'd hurt me in his sleep. So he was currently taking a nap in our shared room at the compound. We were only here for a few days to train new recruits and then we would all be back to our own homes. Me and buck, Sam, Clint, even Scott showed up. But then again he was always excited to be part of the team. Now I was in the kitchen like I usually was, stress-baking. But just to be safe, and per his request, I had a camera on buck while he slept to make sure he was still okay and I could rush to our room if he needed me.

So I stood at the island, gathering ingredients and singing softly to myself. not unusual for me to do, it was a good distraction after all and everyone else loved it because it made the place smell great. that and they all loved the many cakes, cookies, muffins, breads, and other baked goods I decided to make. a lovely thought really, one that brought a smile to my face as I began measuring out the dry ingredients. when I turned to look at the monitor though Bucky was gone, making me set the flour back onto the counter. Panic set in immediately. I tapped the screen twice, hitting the tracking cam on his watch and the footage coming up. I sighed deeply as I saw the blurry side video of Bucky murder-stomping his way through the halls. I tapped my own watch quickly.

"attention we have a 'wolf out of containment.' if you see him direct him to the kitchen but do not engage. If you wake him he'll hurt himself."

I said into it, rolling my eyes at the code name, and looking back to the monitor in worry. I heard my voice echo off the walls as he stepped towards the sound. One of the agents was walking down the hall and paused when he saw Bucky, rage behind his eyes as he got closer. Now Bucky was holding him harshly in his metal hand.

"Where is she?"

He said through gritted teeth and i could see both of their faces in the view on my watch.

"Kitchen. Down the hall to the left."

The agent squeaked out. Bucky threw him to the ground quickly before making his way down the hall. I double tapped the monitor again as he turned into the room. There was an intensity and pain strewn across his features as he made his way to me. whatever nightmare this was it had a full hold of him. he had been sleep walking a lot recently but it had never gotten this bad. but he knew what to do, even unconscious. Before he even made it to the table across the room Sam was rushing in behind hi, coming to a screeching halt when he realized what was happening to his best friend.

"I heard the code. Is everything okay?"

He asked and Bucky turned around, throwing a punch his way and him ducking. he made a scared face as he stood back up ready to fight.

"At ease soldier!"

I yelled and Bucky froze, mid motion as he began to throw another. He looked over his shoulder at me, seething, breathing heavy, eyes glazed over.

"Come here."

I said softly. He sent Sam a glare before doing as told, backing his way to the counter where i was standing. he never once stopped looking at Sam, or the other few agents that came rushing in with guns. that definitely didn't help.

"do you need help?"

one of them asked, looking between me and Bucky as he plucked a knife out of the wood block on the counter, holding it in a defensive position as he stood in front of me.

"no, I don't need help. Sam and I can take care of this."

i said matter-of-factly, the agent speaking into their watch and all three of them lowering their guns.

"just leave us be. everything is fine. if i need anything ill call."

they all nodded hesitantly, looking to Sam briefly before leaving. i sighed out when they were finally out of sight, side stepping buck and going back to measuring my sugar and vanilla.

"He sleep walking again?"

Sam asked quietly, stepping very slowly around the table and I nodded, moving to put mix my dry ingredients together. Bucky stood next to me, fist clenched tight around the knife as he watched Sam's every move with vigorous intent. I pulled one of the stools out from under the counter before grabbing a spoon and mixing the wet and dry ingredients together to make the cookie dough.

"Sit."

I offered buck and he sent me a confused looked. I glared at him and he did as told.

"Sam you mind setting a timer on that pad for twelve minutes?"

He nodded and did as told, stepping closer but not close enough for buck to do anything about it. they stared at each other as I molded the dough into balls on a tray.

"has this been happening a lot recently?"

Sam asked and i nodded, pushing the chocolate chips off the ends of my fingers.

"it hasn't been full mission before, and this one is lasting much longer."

i noted, washing my hands in the sink to the right of the counter.

"how do you know what to do?"

i let out a nervous laugh, tucking the tray of cookies into the hot oven behind me.

"in all actuality, I don't. I'm just hoping that the things I've tried before work. "

Bucky looked between me and Sam as I stood back up, drying my hands on the towel and moving to touch his cheek gently. he flinched for a second, staring at me as i tucked his hair behind his ear.

"its okay soldat. you can relax, he's not going to hurt me. he's my friend."

i said very softly, looking over his eyes as he turned back to Sam.

"put the knife down."

i said just above a whisper, moving to stand behind him. i began slowly running my fingers through his hair. he still held the knife tightly as i started to hum along to one of his favorite songs from his childhood. he had shared it with me sometime after we had moved in together. it had been my savior more than once.

"does that work?"

Sam asked and i sent him a look, trying to get Bucky to lean back into my chest. he kept jolting himself back up, fighting the urge to close his eyes. as I got to the end of the song though he had his head completely rested against me, body limp, and knife clattering to the rug beneath us. he had fallen back into a deep sleep, snoring softly as I continued to finger comb his hair.

"yes Samuel, it works."

i said, and then the timer went off. Bucky jolted upright, the stool shaking as i leaned forward and caught him before he fell off. I held his shoulders as he breathed heavily, looking around in deep confusion.

"Sam?"

he asked before looking back at me and drawing his brows.

"hey baby, its okay. I'm sorry we woke you."

he turned to me and took my hand.

"y/n, why am I in the kitchen?"

i let out a nervous laugh, letting him go and getting my cookies out of the oven.

"you were sleep walking again."

he groaned, standing up and freezing when he looked down.

"I didn't hurt anyone... did I?"

he said horrified as he picked the knife up. i shook my head frantically, taking it from him and putting it back in the block.

"no! no no no. baby you did not."

i said quickly through one breath, placing my hands on either side of his face. he looked like he was going to cry.

"hey, no, look at me. James. you didn't hurt anybody. I dropped the knife in surprise when you came in here. it had nothing to do with you."

Sam sent me a sad look as i tried to calm Bucky down.

"you're sure?"

he asked pained and i pulled him into a tight hug, cradling his head in my hand and mouthing to Sam to not say anything.

"yes Jamie I am sure. you are perfectly fine. scared the shit out of some agents. but no more."

he took in a shaky breath.

"i scared you."

he repeated just above a whisper and i pulled him away from me, holding his head in my hands and looking between his eyes.

"you just caught me by surprise, nothing we haven't been through before."

he sighed heavily and closed his eyes. i kissed his forehead gently.

"hey, now that you're awake, you want a cookie?"

i asked and he looked up at me, offering a small smile.

"uh, yeah, id love one."

i nodded once before turning and carefully taking one off the tray and placing it on one of the dry paper towels sat on the counter in front of him.

"made especially for my buckaroo."

i said and he laughed lightly before taking a bite. he was none the wiser and Sam sent me a testing look.

"Sam?"

i asked, holding one out to him and he took it begrudgingly. i went back to finger combing Bucky's hair as he snatched another. sending me a genuine smile as he chewed. i shared another knowing glance with Sam before he pulled another bar stool out and sat across from us.

"these are pretty good y/n, wish we could share with more of the guys here."

he said and i sent him a look.

"well i guess we'll just have to save them some for later. I'm sure they're all very busy right now with other important things."

i said a little condescendingly and he shook his head.

"so uh, i don't know what's happening but if i sit here any longer there wont be any left for anyone else. what do you say we go for a walk or something?"

Bucky said with a smile and i nodded, smiling back.

"i think that's a great idea. Sam?"

he looked from Bucky to me and to the tray.

"uh you guys go ahead. ill make sure these get to the guys, and that the recipe doesn't make its way into their daily reports."

i took Bucky's hand as he stood and nodded once at Sam in understanding. he was going to make sure no one got word of Bucky's incident, just in case. he was getting better after all.

"thanks Sam, it means a lot. come on buck, lets get some air."

Better | Bucky Barnes x Reader (Part 1)

My Masterlist

Summary: Doctor!Bucky has a day off but instead of leaving the hospital to go home, he decided to spend it at the bedside of the woman he loves.

Word Count: 4592

Pairing: Doctor!Bucky x Doctor!Reader, Doctor!Bucky x Platonic!Nurse!Wanda, mentions of Steve, Sam, Natasha & Sharon as minor characters

Warnings: Swearing, Mentions of Abuse & Alcoholism, Surgery, Organ Donation, IV & Needles, Emotional Distress, Physical Pain, Drugs, Hospital Stay

A/N: Doctor!Bucky is my guilty pleasure.But I have more Bucky AUs and a Chris Beck one-shot coming soon!

It was the hint of orange against the dark blue sky that marked the start of dawn. As Dr. James Barnes found himself awakening from his slumber, he rubbed his eyes to look up at the pasty white ceiling of the dimly lit on call room where he had taken refuge after his ten-hour surgery. Working long shifts that typically lasted twelve to fifty consecutive hours depending on the circumstances had become a routine for him. Although he did appreciate taking a day or two off once he had reached his weekly limit, he could not get himself to go home that night. His lack of sleep, combined with his aching limbs as a result of being on his feet for almost a whole day, meant that he could not even drive home. He had no choice but to stay within the premises for the night.

As he climbed out of bed, he retrieved his navy blue scrub shirt from the tiled floor of the on call room and shrugged it on, rubbing his eyes again as he let out another yawn. He ran his fingers through his jet black mane, noticing that a few strands of his hair were still partially wet. He had found some time for a quick shower before he had made it to the on call room, but he had just been too lazy to dry his hair. He tucked a few loose strands behind his ear before making the bed. It took him a moment to be completely rid of his fatigue and he remembered the beeping sound that had woken him up. His picked up his pager that rested upon the nightstand where he had left it before he had crashed a few hours ago.

Upon checking his page from Wanda, his most-trusted nurse, Bucky picked up the phone and dialed the extension code for the nurse's desk at the post-op ward. "Hey, this is Dr. Barnes returning a page." He said, groggily, to which he earned chuckle from his favorite nurse.

"You told me to page you when Y/N wakes up, Barnes." She told him. "Did you forget?"

"... Right. Sorry, I'm still half asleep." He let out another yawn. He had completely forgotten that your surgery had been last night. He had been planning to sit in the gallery and watch Dr. Romanoff operate on you once his shift had come to an end. But with an unexpected emergency pulling him away for the night, he had only managed to get a glimpse of you in post-op by the time he had returned from his surgery. Had Wanda not urged him to get some shut-eye while he awaited for you to wake, Bucky would have probably dropped to the floor. He was too exhausted to even be worried about you, it seemed. But hearing Wanda mention your name had fully woken him up in an instant. "I-I-I'll be over there in a moment..." He said between a yawn, clipping his pager onto his waistband before slipping into his black tennis shoes. 

"I figured. There's a cup of coffee here at the nurses' desk with your name on it. I'll see you when you get here, Doc." With that, she hung up.

It took Bucky a few moments to gather himself before he walked out of the on call room. Perhaps, it was a good thing that he had the next two days off from work, thanks to his overworking nature that had resulted in him reaching his weekly limit of hours he could work. If he were in the OR at this state though, he probably could not even tell the difference between a vein and an artery if he wanted to. It was for the best. If anything, he needed to be forced to take the time off. Plus, he was planning on spending his time off by your bedside if you needed him. It was just an added bonus. 

He jogged his way up the stairs to the nurse's desk on the post-op floor. "Wanda, you're a godsend." He picked up the cup of coffee and took a sip, feeling the bitterness of the dark roast seep down his throat, followed by the urge to spit out this concoction that was the farthest away in taste from his usual vanilla bean latte. "Never mind. Actually, I take that back. You're not a godsend. This coffee is absolutely disgusting and it's such a disgrace to humankind."

The perky nurse let out a laugh from behind her computer screen before shaking her head. "Don't you dare be such an ungrateful little shit, Barnes."

He rolled his eyes as he set down the coffee. "Don't you dare speak to your boss like that."

"Why? What are you going to do? Fire me?" She asked as she looked up at him, her eyebrow raised.

Bucky rolled his eyes playfully at her attitude, even though he felt like it was way too early in the morning for them to be bickering like this. Even though Wanda was only a nurse, the two of them had known each other since he had been a pre-med student at NYU. Aside from Steve, whom he had known since childhood, and Sam, whom he had only met while they were both residents, Wanda was someone who had become a younger sister to him. Having lost her own brother at a young age, she too had accepted him as a brotherly figure over the years. Their constant sibling-like banter was just proof of how close they really were and almost everyone at this hospital knew about their bond. "Or I could trade you with Sam for Sharon."

"Asshole." Wanda rolled her eyes back at him before taking back his coffee, taking a sip of it and watching his face fill with disgust.

He leaned against the desk, shifting his weight from his left leg to his right. "Has anyone from her family been down to see her yet?" The look in his eyes filled with concern and the tone of his voice was softer than it was before, it was hushed. For some reason, a part of him feared that the others might hear him and come to know of his deepest secret, his love for the woman he worked with. 

She shook her head as she turned away from the screen once again. "Not that I know of. I did notice her mother go in and out of her father's room until visiting hours were over. And then I saw her sitting at the lobby when I went down to get coffee. She seems to be sticking around the premises but I don't think she intends to go and see her daughter."

He let out a sigh of disbelief before shaking his head. A part of him knew that he should not be pissed at your situation; it was none of his business. But he could not help but be angered by the way your family was treating you after what you had just done for them. Perhaps, it was because he valued human life so much that he respected your sacrifice, or it was because he valued you as a human being much more than they did. But Bucky was not going to let anyone else treat you like shit. He was sure of it. "Unbelievable." 

Wanda raised her eyebrow at him. "Please don't tell me that you're going to go out there and yell at them? This is none of your business." If there was anyone in this entire hospital who knew about Dr. James Barnes' feelings for Dr. Y/N Y/L/N, it was her. "And I don't think she would want that."

"No, I know that but I have to say... they're the ungrateful shits here, Wanda." 

"It was Y/N's choice, Bucky." She reminded him. "It was her body and her choice."

"You know, she said those exact words to me when I told her not to risk her own life to save the man who destroyed her childhood. She sounded just like Steve that I wasn't even surprised. He taught her well." He laughed at the thought of how his attempt to talk you out of donating your liver had been defeated. "She's better than any of us could ever be." 

Though you hadn't been as close to him as you were with Steve, Bucky had taken a strong liking to you over the last few years. You had first come to this Brooklyn hospital to take up a fellowship in cardio-thoracic surgery with the incomparable Dr. Steve Rogers. As you were a career-driven woman who was extremely focused on the job, Steve had taken you under his wing and taught you everything you knew as a surgeon and as a human being.

"She's a natural, Buck." He would beam with pride for his young fellow while he drank with his best friend after a hard day's work. "You would love her." Bucky and Steve had been best friends since childhood. They had graduated high school together before going off to NYU for pre-med. After being neck and neck with their MCAT scores, they had also attended Columbia Medical School together. They had survived the competitive stage of residency and trained together under the best cardio-thoracic surgeon in the country, only to return to their hometown of Brooklyn and work side by side. They were practically inseparable. 

If Steve had only known how right he had been back then about how much Bucky would love you if he ever met you, now that Bucky had realized it himself. You had first met him at one of the worst points during your fellowship, having lost your first patient while you had been training under Dr. Rogers. It had been Steve's decision to let you fly solo for that particular procedure, but things had slipped out of your hand in the matter of a millisecond. You found yourself sobbing in an on call room and beating yourself up for it. A life was lost on your operating table and you had taken an oath to do no harm. It crushed you when you realized that you had disappointed your mentor, after all those sleepless nights of studying so hard to get yourself where you were.

It wasn't easy for you to be alone from such a young age, especially with no support from your family and no real friends. You had lived on your own since you were eighteen years old, having fled your abusive home to find yourself a safe place here in New York. After your impeccable grades had managed to get you into NYU with a scholarship, you had pushed yourself through the next eight years of schooling while you worked two part-time jobs to make ends meet. Your mother hadn't even bothered to show up at your medical school graduation even though you had sent her an invite, not that it really mattered to you anyways. You had come to terms with the fact that you were all that you had. You had built a life for yourself and a career that was going to be your backbone; you didn't need people, you thought. But that night, even your career had seemed to be letting you down. 

That was when you had met Dr. Barnes, the next best heart surgeon in the hospital, who had managed to scramble into the nearest on call room that night for a power nap, only to run into your tearful self. He had asked you what was wrong and you had poured your heart out to him. If you had been so worried about disappointing Steve, you might as well ask Steve's best friend about how to handle it. As it turned out, he somehow possessed a different approach to teaching than his best friend. He claimed that Steve shouldn't have let you take on that patient until you had been prepared for what you had now missed, but he understood the reason why he had done that. After all, Dr. Rogers did have a reputation for being a little unconventional in his teaching. It was one of the reasons why you had been determined to work with him in the first place. "I feel like I failed him." You had told Dr. Barnes in the midst of tears. "I don't think I'm good enough for this, Dr. Barnes." 

"We've all been there, Dr. Y/L/N. We've all lost patients. We've all blamed ourselves for the things that are always beyond our hands. There are some things that we as doctors can't control. Steve didn't get where he is without losing a single patient during all those years of training. I didn't get where I am without losing a patient. We are not perfect. We're human. You shouldn't blame yourself for what happened. You should learn from it and be better the next time around. Steve can be a jerk sometimes, I can tell you that. But if he told you to walk it off, you walk it off." He had told you, making you chuckle through your tears. "I'm not going to tell you that the road ahead is easy. But you signed up for this so you have to deal with the good and the bad." 

"I don't think I can ever be as good as him." You admitted, sighing in defeat. "I don't think I could ever be as good as you." 

"Then you should probably aim to be better than us." 

Looking back at that conversation now, Bucky couldn't help but realize that you had in fact been better than the two of them. The years had managed to mold your extremely formal mentor-student relationships with them into a much more genuine and beautiful friendship. Steve had become family to you, after having learned of your own familial situation. With his friendship came your friendship with Bucky, Wanda, Sam and Natasha. They were your family now, not the people that you shared blood with. Your biological family hadn't been the best but the family that you had found for yourself in New York were much better.

When you had learned from Natasha that her recent patient with liver failure happened to be your alcoholic father whom you had fled all those years ago, a part of you refused to remember that you even had actual parents. But you were human, after all, and you were bound by your emotions. Looking into his file, you had come across the fact that he was going to be put on the donor list. As they had not found a match for a liver transplant, you had volunteered to get tested and found that you were a perfect match. Your mother had been selfish enough to save her husband's life that she had accepted it. Dr. Romanoff stood by what was best for her patient as any doctor should be. Sam and Steve had respected your choice, commending you for coming forward to save the life of the man who had once ruined yours.

But Bucky had somehow tried to talk you out of the surgery, fearing that it would put you in danger. A liver transplant was no joke. Not to mention that he did not agree with the fact that you were willing to give a piece of your own flesh to save your father's life, expecting absolutely nothing in return. But you had convinced him that as a doctor and as a human being, this was the right thing to do. Even though Natasha was a great general surgeon, he did not undermine her expertise. He was just worried that something inevitable might take you from him during this surgery. He realized that he had loved you so much that he did not want to lose you. But thankfully, the things beyond the control of a doctor that he had once told you about did not get in the way when your own life was on the table. 

The beeping sound of the cardiac monitor was a constant reminder that you had survived this surgery. Not that you even doubted Natasha's ability to perform a partial liver transplant. She was definitely the best general surgeon at the hospital. But your fear of the unforeseeable factor had been present ever since you had agreed for this surgery. Even when the anesthesia had been administered and you found yourself slowly losing your consciousness, you had hoped that you would wake up from this on the flip side of the eight hour procedure.

Wanda had been at your bedside the moment you opened your eyes. You had been thankful to see a familiar face, not that any of the hospital staff were unfamiliar to you. But a part of you had expected that you wouldn't be waking up to your mother or an extended family member sitting next to your bed in anticipation of you waking up. Clearly, you had been right about that. Despite the fact that you had now saved your father's life, they could not be bothered about your well-being. They never were,

Being alone as a doctor was not that much of big deal but being alone as a patient sucked. Not only did you have to deal with the nerves before the surgery and the physical pain after it, but there was also the two month recovery time that could not be spent alone in bed rest. You did not know how you were going to survive that, but as you were used to being alone for all these years, you need not to worry. You'll cross that bridge when you get to it.

After checking your vitals and bringing you a cup of water to ail the dryness in your throat, the nurse had left the room. You had asked her about your father's post-op condition but she hadn't said anything about that. It made you worry for the slightest. What if he had suffered the complications of this operation? What if his body had rejected the piece of yours that you had voluntarily given up? That would have made your sacrifice so pointless. You did care about him, even though he had been so horrible to you. It wasn't because he was your father. You had stopped thinking of him that way years ago. But you were a doctor and he was a patient. You had what it took to save his life, ironically which was his blood, and you had made the call to step up.

The sound of footsteps against the cold tiled floor of your hospital room made you gently turn your head towards the door. Wanda had adjusted your bed to help you sit upright but it was still a little uncomfortable for you. Now that the anesthesia had slowly worn off, you were starting to feel some pain in your side. But your chapped lips curled into a weak smile when your eyes landed on the handsome doctor who had just entered the room.

His hair was not as perfectly coiffed as you remembered but it was still as silky as you remembered, the dark strands glistening against the light of the morning sky. His ocean blue eyes looked calm and a lot less blood shot than you were used to. The Dr. Barnes you knew and loved was a sleep deprived mess who cared more about his patients than his own health. But the man who stood before you looked refreshing, like coming up for a breath of fresh air just before you thought you were going to drown. You felt safe in his presence, you had always did. 

"I wasn't expecting any visitors at this time and I certainly wasn't expecting a visit from you." You managed to croak out, taking another sip of the water that the nurse had handed you earlier. "But I'll take it."

"Why would that be the case, Dr. Y/L/N?" The man chuckled as he pulled up a chair next to your bed and sat down.  You noticed that he was still wearing scrubs and it made you wonder. Had he been working all night and decide to stop by before he headed home? Or had he just arrived at the hospital for the start of his shift and decided to check on you before he was to begin his morning rounds?

"Because I went against your advice for the first time ever. You told me not to go through with this transplant and I did." You reminded him as you sighed. "I just assumed that you would be mad at me."

"Well, it was your choice." He just shrugged. "And now that I think of it, you may or may not have followed another one of my advice."

You let out a soft chuckle, followed by a wince at the pain that you felt in your side, now that the anesthesia was finally wearing off. You knew that you had the option to control your own pain medications through IV but you did not want to fall back into a deep sleep, especially not when James Barnes was sitting before you. "I thought you hated me." You admitted. "You didn't even come down to see me off before the surgery. Rogers was there, even Wilson and Carter. But you were nowhere to be seen."

"I'm sorry, I couldn't be there. I wanted to. But a trauma came in, flail chest, I had to go down for a consult and I was held up." He replied as he reached forward to take your hand in his. "How are you feeling?"

You gave him a nod as you smiled weakly, feeling his gentle grip against your hand. "For someone who's missing a pound of flesh, it's not as painful as I thought it would be. But then there are also several tubes attached to my body and that's not the most attractive thing on the planet." A part of you was worried that you probably looked like a disaster. Along with the IV that was pumping fluids and medications into your body to keep you hydrated, you also had a catheter in your bladder to prevent you from having to get up to go to the bathroom, and several drainage tubes in your abdomen to drain the blood and bile from your body after the surgery. A part of you was embarrassed to have Bucky see you like this. Despite the fact that he was a doctor, who was definitely used to dealing with much worse on a daily basis, you couldn't help but wonder if he thought you were unattractive like this.

"A pound of flesh?" He asked, giving you a confused look.

"Shakespeare." You clarified, wincing again at the pain. A part of you wanted to up the dose on your pain medications. But you feared the risk of the nausea and other complications and side effects that would follow. "The Merchant of Venice takes out a loan and promises to pay Shylock a pound of his flesh... if he doesn't pay back the money on time. It's a good play. You should read it sometime, you know... if you ever find yourself with a day off from cutting into people's broken hearts." You fought the urge to laugh but you failed, feeling the pain in your abdomen only growing by the second. 

"Oh, I don't think I could be able to handle Shakespeare. I wasn't the best student in my English class and I was more into the science side of things."

"And you have the medical degree to prove it." You stated with another laugh, only to wince again at the pain which continued to get worse. "Oh fuck..." 

Bucky leaned over in his chair to reach for your PCA remote on the bed side, his eyes filled with worry as his lips curled into a frown. He looked over at you for approval. "Do you want me to do it?"

"I thought I could avoid having to pump all those drugs into my body but..." You paused and bit down on your bottom lip as the pain took over your entire abdomen, making you hold your breath for a moment in hopes that it would dissolve. But it only got worse. "Please..?" You shut your eyes as the tears pricked at your eyes, hoping that Dr. Barnes wouldn't notice them stream down your face.

"Y/N..." He hated to see you in pain. "Are you sure you don't want me to page Romanoff?"

"Oh shit, that hurts like a bitch." You felt him squeeze your hand before pushing the button for another dose of pain meds to pump through your IV. "No, no... it's fine. She'll be down here for rounds anyways. Don't bother rushing her to get to work this early in the morning. She's not a morning person and would probably kill you. Just give me the meds. I should be fine."

He nodded as he watched the computer screen, making sure the medication was being pumped into your IV as it was supposed to. "If you start feel drowsy, you just let me know, okay? Don't try to fight it. You lost a lot of fluids. You need to rest." He still hadn't let go of your hand and you squeezed it tightly as you waited for the pain meds to kick in.

"Don't you have rounds? You should go. I should be fine once the drugs kick in." You loosened your grip on his hand wanting to let him go back to work, but he still held onto it, never letting go. 

"I went over my weekly limit and I got the next two days off. I just thought I might stick around so that you won't be alone." He told you, making the pain stricken tears finally stream down your face. You couldn't hold them in anymore. Perhaps it was the medication or the emotional trauma that came with having your abdomen cut open. You felt stupid. He had been right. Your family did not care about you. You were alone. He was only here because he pitied you. 

"You don't have to do that."

"But I want to."

As you began to feel drowsy, your mind refused to believe what you were hearing. Did Dr. Barnes just say that he wanted to spend his day off by your bedside? You shut your eyes, trying not to lose your consciousness as you slowly felt the pain begin to numb away. Bucky still hadn't let your hand go as he sat down next to you. "You were right, Dr. Barnes." You whispered but you weren't sure if he had heard you. Perhaps, you had just thought it in your head and he hadn't heard you. But he did not respond for a moment. 

"Well, you're better than me, doll." You heard him whisper and then you felt his warm breath against your eyelids. It took you a moment for you to realize that he was leaning over your bed. You then felt his free hand stroking your hair before your felt his soft lips press gently against your forehead. You felt it all, the love that he had been holding in his heart for all these years. He probably thought you wouldn't have noticed. But you had. 

Devil went into hiding

*Sequel to running with the devil * 

Arne stood in front of the window of Kat’s hospital room. His heart sank looking at the woman that was so strong and could taking a beating with one hand tied behind her back. She was pale with her auburn hair floating around her; with a breathing tube and needle lines coming out both of her arms. He closed his eyes not wanting to see the person he ever loved looking so broken. He should have been her to help her. Arne wouldn’t say he should have been there to protect Kat because she never needed protecting.

“Arne!” Arne turned around and saw his best friend, James. James looked so tired. There was a smile on his face, but his eyes looked haunted. He should have been here for all of his friends. He should have been here. He walked over and pulled James into a tight hug. He pulled away and could see better that James’s eyes were red. The man that never cried was breaking.

“Are you okay?”

“We need to leave now. I’ve called Ivan and Alex. Alex said he would sit this one out. He’s going to man stations with Theo. Freya is also coming. Don’t worry her and Kat have been training together. She’s no Kat but Freya can hold her own. We need the numbers also if you want armor your dad’s is hanging up in the east wing.” James turned starting to leave to suit up himself when Arne stopped him.

“Bro, you need to breath. What happen?” James’s eyes darken to almost black.

“No bro, do you want to know what happen? I watched the girl I loved almost die in my arms. I carried her lifeless body while her blood soaked through my uniform. She hasn’t woken and its been over twelve hours. So, don’t tell me to breath!” James turned to walk out of the room leaving Arne trying to wrap what James just said around his head. What did he mean by the girl he loved?

Natasha through open the door with fire in her eyes. Steve and Bucky dropped what they were doing and stared at her. Bucky ran over to her. She fell into his arms feeling safe once again. She closed her eyes feeling so tire. Natasha thought that the fight was finally over, and she could go home. Her kids weren’t supposed to endure the nightmares that her and her husband went through. Their lives were supposed to be different.

“So, are we getting the whole team because I did recon and there is no sign of Hydra nor our daughter. It was like they just vanished.” Bucky gave her a look telling we got this. Steve tried speaking up but was ignored by their silent communicating.

“We called Thor and Bruce. They are already suiting up ready to go. Tony is searching the area and doing scans. That I know of the boys are coming to sit with Kat and Steve is on board too. So, go get ready and meet us in an hour.” Bucky bent down and kissed her cheek. She gave him a warm smile. She loved him so much.

“Thank you, Steve.” He gave her a nod and a smile as well.

The group of twenty-somethings all stood together in the training room getting ready for the battle of a lifetime. In all honesty none of them were trained for this except for James and Arne. The rest of them were going in blind but they also weren’t dumb. Their parents were the Avengers. James brought everyone together to run down the plan of action. Little did he know is father was doing the same.

“Okay, Alex and Theo are going to stay at the compound and be our eyes inside of the base. Take out all of the security cameras and warn us of any surprises.” Theo and Alex nodded confirming they understood their orders.

“Okay, team we have done this before. This is a search and rescue mission. We are going to break into three teams. Ironman and I. Black Widow and the White wolf. Thor and the Hulk. Does anyone object with these pairings?” Each couple looked at one another not wishing not to be next to their significant other.

“Ivan, Freya you see this door located in the west wing. This is where you will go in. Kat and I found labs and other paperwork in there. Collect as much information you can without being caught. Once complete with is part meet us here.” Freya and Ivan gave each other a nervous look. Ivan had no desire to be in the field but for his sisters he would do anything. Freya had basic training, but she reminds herself that her power was her mind.

“Bucky and Nat, you will start in the east wing. From what James told me this is where they ran into Ana. Tony and I will go to the west and try to collect any data or look for hidden rooms. Thor, Bruce do surveillance outside but once we call you meet us.” Steve pointed to the very center of the map. “This is where we will all meet once we complete our missions.

“Does everyone know their task? We got this and we will succeed because we are the Avengers. So, Avengers Assemble!” James shouted.

“Avengers Assemble!” Steve and the team headed out not realizing that their own children weren’t to fair behind.

There was a throbbing pain in her head. The lights were too bright and laying down was not helping. Kat moved to the edge of the bed but then felt a sharp pain in her abdomen. She screamed out in pain until a nurse ran into the room instructing her to lay back down.

“Ms. Barnes, you need to lay back down or you will pop all of your stitches.” She huffed laying back down not liking to be fussed over. She took in a deep breath trying to remember why she was in here. The last thing she could piece together was seeing Ana and then a gun fire. James pulling her into his arms. Her slowly drifting off, feeling safe enough to in his warm arms.

Kat sat up again not likely laying in this bed. She had to find James or someone so she could know what was going. What was their next move? Once again, the nurse rushed back in trying to get her to rest. Kat pushed her away. She was fine beside the shooting pain everywhere.

“You must rest. Your mom and dad gave us strict orders to keep you in bed.” Kat paused at the mention of her parents. All she wanted was to see them, especially her pops. He always made things a little better.

“Where are my parents?” The nurse fixed her IVs adjusting the medicine. She could feel them working and the pain numbing.

“They were called to a mission with Steve Rogers and the other remaining Avengers.” Kat laid back feeling groggy, she just wanted to sleep. She did have one final question to ask.

“Where… Where is… Where is James?” Before she was given the answer, the world faded away.

James and Arne walked down the hall in silence. There was friction between the two men. They both knew what it was but were they really going to let someone come in between their friendship. Kat was a friend of theirs since they were just small children. Kat wasn’t something to fight over, she was the strong girl that they had many of memories with. The late movie nights, the giggle fest, and the sleep overs where the secrets they shared stayed between them.

“Do you remember when we were eight and Kat and I stole your clothes after we went swimming. You had to run around in just a towel screaming at us.” James glared at Arne.

“I was so mad. I was in just a towel for at least an hour until your dad found me curled up in ball shaking because I was cold.” Arne laughed.

“Hey, man, you had a towel. Also, I was ground for two weeks because of it. Kat didn’t get punished at all. She just batted her eyelashes at Uncle Buck, and everything was forgiven.” They turned to look at each other and their smiles fell.  They were thinking the same thing, was Kat going to be okay. They were interrupted by a crackling of comms.

“Captain, there is two heat signatures coming close to you.”

“Roger that dark glasses.” Alex huffed at his codename. He wanted something cooler like overwatch or heat seeker.

Steve and Tony walked slowly trying to take in every possible lead as to where Hydra had gone. This was their only chance they had for years to finally bring home their niece. They couldn’t afford to fail. Their footprints echo allowing them to know they were the only ones there until they heard another pair of steps. Steve frozen taking in the change of sound. There it was again.

“Cap, what’s wrong?” Steve pulled out his shield and ready it for attack.

“Tony, someone or more importantly people are close by. I think its only two, but they aren’t fair.” They stood their place until two figures appeared. Steve put the shield back and gave the two people a perplex looked and so did the same.

“James, Arne?”

“Dad, Pops”

“What are you doing here?” They said together. Tony looked at his son and a slight tear slipped down his cheek. He walked over and pulled his son into a hug. Tony was more worried then he let on when Steve and him first talked about the situation at hand. So, having his baby in his arms was a relief. Tony took a step back and admired James. He gave him a proud smile. In that instance he looked so much like his father. From the slicked back hair to Steve’s old stealth suit. He was so proud of his son.

“Dad, are you okay?” Tony nodded ready to get back to the mission.

“James, why are yall here? Please tell me it’s not just you two after what happened early.”

“No, sir, we have Alex and Theo manning comms. Ivan and Freya are searching the east wing. Kat is still in the hospital stable and Brooklyn well doing what ever Brooklyn at this point in time. She isn’t here.” Steve let out a sigh of relief knowing that James assembled a team and didn’t go in here blind.

“Well since this is your mission. Call the shots Captain America.”

Freya looked around nervously at everything around them. Sometimes Ivan and her would find alien like weapons others it would be just blood which would lead her to almost faint. Why did she agree to this?  She was more of a book worm not a superhero?

“Hey, are you okay?” She turned to Ivan and shook her head no.

“I’m kind of freaking out. I don’t know where we are or what we are doing? Anyone could pop out at any moment and ahh.” She slammed straight into a man. He dropped his gun to catch her from falling down. She turned around and saw a familiar face. Oh, thank God, she thought.

“Uncle Buck, get me out of here.” Freya turned around and wrapped his arms around his waist. He pulled her in for an embrace and looked over at Natasha. What was going on and why was the two people not trained for a mission here.

“Ivan, why are you here? You have no combat training. You should be at home.” Nat glared at her son not liking that he was here. She already one daughter in the hospital and another missing. She didn’t think her heart could take it if another child of hers got hurt too.

“Mom, everything is fine. Alex is in my ear right now.”

“What mom and dad are there?” Ivan turned the earpiece off so not to have Alex blabbing in his ear.

“And James, Arne are on the other side. We got this. Now you are here we are golden.” Ivan started dancing around his mother making her glare at him. Which just made him laugher harder. Nat noticed what he was wearing and almost teared up, but she was Russian, and they didn’t do that.

“Is that your Uncle Clint’s suit?” Ivan stopped and pulled out the bow he found in the weapons room and strung a bow to mimic his uncle.

“Yeah, it was either this or your old suit. I might have the figure, but I couldn’t pull of the skintight cat suit if I wanted to.” Bucky laughed and came forward clapping a hand onto his shoulder.

“Just got word from Steve and they found James and Arne. They said to meet them in the center. Thor and Bruce are already there.” Panic rose into Freya’s chest. She’s going to get into so much trouble.

They all met in the center. The new avengers and the old avengers. The superheroes of the past looked in awe at their children. Neither of them thought they would live long enough to see a legacy they didn’t try for. It just happens. James was Captain America, Arne was the god, Ivan was Hawkeye, Freya was a Valkyrie, Kat was Black Widow. Thor walked of Arne. Both intensely looking at each other; then Thor smiled pulling him in for a hug. If you couldn’t tell this family was a hugger and Thor was the worst.

“Son, I’ve missed you so much. I’m sorry for my behavior and to prove that every word I said was wrong I am giving you Mjölnir.”

“Are you sure I’m even worthy to carry it?”

“You were worthy since you were born. A great warrior, a great son, and even better sibling and friend. You might not want the throne but that doesn’t make you less worthy. It is my honor to pass it on.” Thor stuck out the hammer and Arne took it lifting it up with easy. He could feel lighting course through his veins. Power was finally unlocked in him.

“Steve what’s next? This place is empty.” Steve turned and looked at James. This was his mission and Steve weren’t about to take over. James mouthed are you sure. Steve nodded.

“Yes, Uncle Buck, this place is empty. This is where Kat was shot and we last Ana. Now it looks like there is no trace of them even being here. I say we go back to the compound and regroup as a team.” Also check on Kat he wanted to add.

Kat blinked her eyes open slowly. She squinted her eyes, there was a figure in front of her that she couldn’t quite figure out. She blinked again and could see a dark hair. Then the figure walked to her bending down near her. The man picked up her hand running his fingertips along her palm. Then he spoke. They were at first soft rumbles then picked up to actually conversations.

“So, we went back to base and it was empty. It was cool though my pops let me lead the whole Avengers team. Go, I’m a twenty-four-year-old man and I’m still seeking approval. Oh, you should see your parents in action. It was amazing. We were ambush on our way to the jet and the way they had sprung into action.” Kat now knew it was James. Sweet James. She closed her eyes fully and smiled as he talked about his mission. He never got excited like this and it was nice hearing the joy in his voice.

“I just knew I had to come and tell you first. Also had to make sure you were better. Heard you woke up. I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you did.” There was a knock at the door and James turned around to see Arne standing in the doorway. James stood up and walked over to him leaving Kat alone in the room again. She drifted back off to sleep still feeling the faded touch of his fingers.

“Sorry, for pulling you away. Your dad said he needed you.” James stared at him not sure if he believed him, but James wasn’t going to start a fight. His friend was allowed sometime alone with a friend.

Arne waited until James was long gone before he walked into the room. He stood in the back not wanting to get to close. Arne felt uncomfortable seeing Kat laying in a bed half dead especially since he hadn’t spoken to her since she left over a year ago. He only wanted to say one thing.

“I promise to get her back.” Arne turn out of the room living her to rest. All he wanted to know was that she was okay.

hi! hope you're well and that you're having a good day:) I absolutely adore LMV - I genuinely think it's the best fic I've ever read. anyway, the point of this ask was that I was wondering whether you had any thoughts about sirius as a godfather? like, was he suited for the job, did he actually do a good job... idk, maybe you've answered that question before, in that case, sorry! and ofc don't stress abt answering:))

this is so nice of you ty!!!

ive never talked about dogfather sirius, actually!! what an interesting pair of questions.... i would have to say a qualified yes to both?

was sirius suited for the job: personality-wise, maybe not entirely (raising a child alone in the event of jily deaths would have been Rough, and he’s not exactly a stable parental unit, not to mention he would have spoiled harry rotten), BUT he has the most important prerequisite, which is undying love and loyalty for the potters and for harry, and that means he would have done everything in his power to be a good parent figure to him, which is what really matters, so. not to mention that jily realistically weren’t contemplating he would have to be godfather alone for the majority of harry’s life- with jily around he could have been just The Coolest Godfather Ever instead of harry’s first living parental figure who didn’t treat him like shit.

did he actually do a good job? i would say a resounding yes. bearing in mind he was stuck in azkaban for twelve years (let’s not get into that), we only actively see him godparent harry for three years (plus when he was a baby). obviously baby harry was spoilt v much by his dogfather; what we see of sirius + teen harry also speaks favourably of him, i think. ok, little bit of a rough start what with the unhinged prisoner vibe, but the FIRST thing sirius does when free is go check up on harry- and he keeps tabs via crookshanks etc once at school, knows his interests well enough to send him the firebolt, and he values harry’s opinions enough to not murder peter on the spot despite his thirteen year revenge vendetta. obviously, the fact harry is the spitting image of someone sirius hasnt seen except for in his nightmares for over a decade doesn’t hurt, but he’s just so awkwardly sweet to harry afterwards- when he offers harry to come live with him, expecting him to refuse and completely understanding of it, it’s so endearing (and it always broke my heart how excited they both were about it- i bet sirius was thinking about another time a potter asked to live together). and from the start sirius ALWAYS speaks to harry like a whole person, not a child to be kept in the dark (which, if everyone else had done, looking at you dumbledore...)- the speech he gives him before he escapes is so important for harry to hear, especially from someone who knew his parents. sirius is always so careful to tell harry things about james and lily. now, it’s not that sirius treating harry like an adult would be ideal on its own, and i do think in part the issue is that he skipped his entire childhood and harry looks so much like james, but i also don’t think sirius actually treats harry too much like a grown man, apart from slipups- just like a grown teen. he advises him against threats, tells him the edgy backstories harry SHOULD know (and no other adult ever wants to tell him), looks after him as best he can (HE LIVES IN A CAVE EATING BONES TO LOOK OUT FOR HIM), listens to his teen melodrama. even when he’s fucking up by encouraging harry’s risk-taking i don’t think he’s treating him like an adult- he’s treating him like a *marauder*, because at that age, that’s what he or james would have done; being able to make informed choices is what sirius would have wanted at his age. i don’t think molly or sirius necessarily have the better argument- both make good points; sirius gets what harry wants and molly gets what harry might need even if he doesn’t want it, but that makes perfect sense- molly is an older woman who’s raised seven children, and sirius is in his early thirties and lived with kids for (1) year. james and sirius were order members by age /eighteen/ and sirius was in azkaban at /twenty-one/- he was basically a kid HIMSELF before he got put in the torture prison. i always found it so unfair that literally none of the other adults ever mention the debilitating mental issues he must be suffering from- remember the lifelong PTSD hagrid got from a MONTH there???- and that’s without even mentioning dumbledore’s purposeful exacerbating of them. not to say that mental health excuses poor parenting, but sirius both /isn’t a parent/ and really does very well at filling that role anyways, on the whole, so i think he can be cut some slack for once in his life. harry loves sirius SO MUCH and sirius loves him right back- and sirius teaches him some of the most important lessons in the whole series, even if he himself never managed to learn them- lessons that i really think shape the adult harry becomes, and the kind of lessons his parents might have taught him. so overall i’d give him kudos- and considering the absolute bullshit he’s living through, with james and lily dead, azkaban sucking the light out of him for over a decade, peter running free, and dumbledore QUARANTINING HIM IN THE HOUSE WHERE HIS ABUSIVE DEAD MOTHER IS (?!?!), i would say he does a stellar fucking job.

anyways harry & sirius’ relationship is so important to the series- even the GP was upset when sirius dies in OOTP, largely because everyone could see how bad it hit harry. that scene in dumbledore’s office? oof. they just care about each other so v much and we were robbed of a lifetime of sirius as harry’s absolute fav adult. if sirius had held onto harry that day- if dumbledore hadn’t decided to place him with abusive bigots for a plan which would only pay off by OOTP- i honestly think sirius would have outlived the series. because with harry he’d have been less unhinged by grief, able to testify properly, gotten support from other order members, not gone to azkaban- and with harry he would have had a reason to live. thirteen years of raising harry would have made harry the snarky little fucker he is at his core by age eleven, confident and happy and very good at quidditch indeed; thirteen years would have made sirius as whole as he can get. they would have patched things up with remus. there’d be no OOTP tragedy of errors. sirius would have punched dumbledore at some point. harry would have sent a pic of him and his new friends over week 1 of hogwarts and sirius would have punched through a wall and then calmly strolled over to hogwarts and taken ron’s pet rat over to minerva mcgonnagal, where unspeakable things happened to it. he would have gently butted heads with hermione (but won her over via crookshanks if nothing else) and gotten on very well with ron; snape would barely have been able to be such a dick to him because sirius would have gleefully sent him howlers for every minute of his day until he cracked. lucius on the school board terrorizing the other parents? not on sirius “billionaire heir to the toujours pur line” black’s watch- he’d happily invest even more obnoxious wealth into the school fund to get first call, not to mention lucius’ imperius excuse would not get very far with sirius around. “who’s nicholas flamel? we can’t ask adults- we’d get in trouble with the teachers and our parents are either muggles or wouldn’t know- oh wait nevermind, sirius, who’s nicholas flamel?” no more expelliarmus-ing for four years; harry Trained Duellist By Age 11 more like. dobby the house-elf? oi dobby sirius is family too- now spit it all out, won’t you? chamber of secrets? yeah, sirius knows what that is. parseltongue? yeah, sirius is familiar, and fuck those other kids for being weird to harry about it, does he want to come home for the holidays? weird creepy diary? oh, sirius’ family will have Magicke Moste Evile around somewhere. book 3 is just Harry’s Holiday: The Book because there’s no sirius subplot. you think snape would have dared treat remus the way he does with sirius hovering around paying half his checks? i think the fuck not. you bet your ass they had box seats for the whole of gryffindor house at the Quidditch World Cup. barty crouch? yeah, sirius knows THAT asshole- and remembers his son. catch harry whizzing through all the challenges minus the nerves ahead of time while sirius and remus do half the investigating for him. yule ball? no sweat, just go with ron; that’s what james and sirius would have done. if the maze went the way it goes in the books, “moody” wouldn’t even have been able to drag harry off without sirius intervening. and sirius “ptsd” black would have been The One Person who Got harry’s feelings in OOTP- not to mention sirius Skilled Legilimens black could have coopted that shit from snape and gotten harry up to scratch. sirius-raised-harry would have given umbridge twice as much shit. no kreacher lying here- and harry has sirius’ mirror anyways. so no massive drama in the ministry, and no suicidal recklessness / desperate first taste of freedom on sirius’ part means no veil incident even if they got there. hence book six through seven going Quite Differently. sirius shows up book six to be DADA teacher, why not. him and remus think it’d be funny, and besides he’s petty enough to steal the job from snape. move over firenze, new hot teacher in town. half the books are avoidable.

11th January >> Fr. Martin’ s Gospel Reflections / Homilies on Mark 1:14-20 for Monday, First Week in Ordinary Time: ‘The kingdom of God is close at hand’.

Monday, First Week in Ordinary Time

Gospel (Except USA)

Mark 1:14-20

I will make you into fishers of men

After John had been arrested, Jesus went into Galilee. There he proclaimed the Good News from God. ‘The time has come’ he said ‘and the kingdom of God is close at hand. Repent, and believe the Good News.’    As he was walking along by the Sea of Galilee he saw Simon and his brother Andrew casting a net in the lake – for they were fishermen. And Jesus said to them, ‘Follow me and I will make you into fishers of men.’ And at once they left their nets and followed him.    Going on a little further, he saw James son of Zebedee and his brother John; they too were in their boat, mending their nets. He called them at once and, leaving their father Zebedee in the boat with the men he employed, they went after him.

Gospel (USA)

Mark 1:14-20

Repent, and believe in the Gospel.

After John had been arrested, Jesus came to Galilee proclaiming the Gospel of God: “This is the time of fulfillment. The Kingdom of God is at hand. Repent, and believe in the Gospel.”    As he passed by the Sea of Galilee, he saw Simon and his brother Andrew casting their nets into the sea; they were fishermen. Jesus said to them, “Come after me, and I will make you fishers of men.” Then they left their nets and followed him. He walked along a little farther and saw James, the son of Zebedee, and his brother John. They too were in a boat mending their nets. Then he called them. So they left their father Zebedee in the boat along with the hired men and followed him.

Reflections (8)

(i) Monday, First Week in Ordinary Time

Fishing was very much in the news in the months and weeks before Christmas because of Brexit. Many of our fishermen were worried about the impact of Brexit on their livelihoods. They remain anxious even though an agreement was eventually reached. Many people make their living from the sea, especially on an island such as ours. In today’s gospel reading, we hear reference to the Sea of Galilee. It was really an inland lake but it was so large it could be referred to as a sea. Fishing was a major occupation for people who lived along the shores of the Sea of Galilee, such as for the two sets of brothers in today’s gospel reading who lived in Capernaum, a town on the seashore. In calling these two sets of brothers to follow him in a very complete and dedicated way, Jesus was asking a lot of them. He was asking them to leave behind their lucrative fishing business. The gospel reading tells us that the fishing business of Zebedee, the father of James and John, was sufficiently large for him to employ men from outside the family. These two sets of brothers, Simon and Andrew and James and John would go on to become the core of the group of twelve, who formed the inner circle around Jesus. Not everyone in the gospel story whom Jesus addressed with his message was asked to leave their occupation to follow Jesus. However, the opening message of Jesus in today’s gospel reading was addressed to everyone, ‘The time has come and the kingdom of God is close at hand. Repent, and believe the Good News’. That message has two elements, an announcement of the good news of God’s reign, God’s powerful and loving presence through Jesus, and, then, a call to believe that good news, to turn towards the loving God present in Jesus. The same message is addressed to all of us today. The risen Lord continues to make present the loving power of God among us and keeps calling us to turn to that loving power of God ever more fully and to open ourselves ever more completely to God’s loving presence, so that we can reflect his loving presence to others.

And/Or

(ii) Monday, First Week in Ordinary Time

Any meeting between two or more people has the potential to be a good news event.The meeting that Peter, Andrew, James and John had with Jesus in this morning’s gospel was such a good news event,because the reign of God, the power of God, was present to them in the person of Jesus. That power of God present in Jesus to Peter, Andrew, James and John was the power of love, a love that called on them to repent, to turn towards God, a love that promised forgiveness, healing, acceptance, a love that gave them a mission in life. The kind of meeting that Peter, Andrew, James and John had with Jesus is offered to each one of us. Jesus is not just a figure of history who belongs to the past. He is a living Lord, present in his church and in the world today.He is constantly calling us to meet with him as Simon, Andrew, James and John met with him, and each of these meetings proclaims good news for us. He meets with us and speaks to us through the Sacraments, in particular the Eucharist, through the Scriptures, from deep within our own hearts, through other people, through nature.Each time the Lord meets with uswe will first hear the good news of God’s unconditional love for us.We will also hear the call to mission, the call to be good news for others, to be the Lord’s body in the world, his feet, his hands, his mouth, his eyes, his ears.

 And/Or

(iii) Monday, First Week in Ordinary Time

We are at the beginning of a new year, and in the church’s year, today is the first day of the first week in what is called Ordinary Time. Ordinary Time in the church’s year refers to that time which is neither the season of Advent, nor the season of Christmas, nor the season of Lent nor the season of Easter. In this the first day of the first week of Ordinary Time, we read from the first chapter of the first gospel to be written, the gospel of Mark. We have just been listening to Mark’s account of the beginning of the public ministry of Jesus. According to Mark, Jesus began his public ministry by proclaiming the good news from God, ‘the time has come and the kingdom of God is close at hand. Repent, and believe the good news’. It can be worth reminding ourselves of that very basic truth, that Jesus came to proclaim good news from God, the good news that in and through Jesus God is powerfully present in a life-giving way to all of us. That remains good news for us today. Jesus, now risen Lord, continues to make God present to us as light in our darkness, as life in our sickness and death, as mercy in our failure, as power in our weakness. The good news Jesus announced gave rise to his basic call, which remains his basic call to all of us today, ‘believe the good news’. In the midst of so much bad news at times, we need to believe Jesus’ good news and hold on to it.

 And/Or

(iv) Monday, First Week in Ordinary Time

In this morning’s gospel reading we have Mark’s account of the very beginning of Jesus’ public ministry. According to Mark, after Jesus’ opening announcement, ‘the time has come, and the kingdom of God is close at hand’, the first thing Jesus did was to begin to gather a community about himself. He called Peter, James and John from their work as fishermen to gather around him, to be with him and to share in his work. In this small gathering we have the beginnings of the church. Jesus would go on to draw others into that small community, men and women, people from all walks of life, people who would not normally have associated with each other. The formation of a community of disciples was one of Jesus’ first tasks. We are all members of that community of disciples today, members of the church, the body of Christ. We do not follow Jesus as individuals but as members of a community of faith. It is in that community, above all, that we meet the Lord and the Lord meets us; it is there that the Lord serves us and that we are called to serve the Lord. Having been received into the church through baptism, each day we hear the Lord’s call, ‘Follow me’, and each day we try to answer that call afresh.

 And/Or

(v) Monday, First Week in Ordinary Time

Today we begin the weekdays of Ordinary Time. The church calls Ordinary Time everything that is not Advent, Christmas, Lent or Easter. If Advent and Christmas focus on the birth, infancy and childhood of Jesus, and Lent and Easter focus on the passion, death and resurrection of Jesus, the focus of Ordinary Time is the public ministry of Jesus. The gospel reading for today, the Monday of the first week of Ordinary Time, is the beginning of the public ministry of Jesus according to Mark. Jesus began his public ministry by proclaiming the good news from God, ‘the time has come and the kingdom of God is close at hand. Repent, and believe the good news’. It can be worth reminding ourselves of the very basic truth that Jesus came to proclaim good news, the good news that in and through himself God is powerfully present in a life-giving way to all of us. That remains good news for us today. Jesus, now risen Lord, continues to make God present to us as light in our darkness, as life in our sickness and death, as mercy in our failure, as power in our weakness. The good news Jesus announced gave rise to his basic call, which remains his basic call to all of us today, ‘believe the good news’. In the midst of so much bad news at times, we need to believe Jesus’ good news and hold on to it.

 And/Or

(vi) Monday, First Week in Ordinary Time

This is the first week of Ordinary Time. Ordinary Time is distinguished from those other times in the church’s year which are special for one reason or another, the seasons of Lent, of Easter, of Advent and of Christmas. Yet what the church calls ordinary time is not really ordinary at all because all time has the potential to be special. At Christmas we celebrated the good news that the Word became flesh. The Word entered the realm of space and time, and having done so, has never left that realm. The Word is with us in every time, in all the times that go to make up our human living. The risen Lord promised his disciples and us that he would be with us until the end of time. In the gospel reading Jesus proclaims the good news that the kingdom of God is close at hand. The kingdom of God, the reign or rule of God, continues to be close at hand, in and through the risen Lord who journeys with us and the Holy Spirit who dwells within us. That continuing good news calls for a continuing response. We are to repent and believe the good news. We are to keep recognizing the good news of God’s presence with us in and through Jesus and the Holy Spirit, and to keep turning towards that good news and living our lives on the basis of it. When we turn towards that good news, we will hear the call of the Lord to follow him, to walk in his ways, to live by his values. If we respond to that call, as Andrew, Peter, James and John did, then we will experience all time as special.

 And/Or

(vii) Monday, First Week in Ordinary Time

Mark tells us in that gospel reading that Jesus began his public ministry just after John the Baptist had been arrested. The arrest of John the Baptist by Herod Antipas must have been a great blow to John’s followers and to all who looked up to John and recognized him as God’s special prophet. Yet, just at this moment of loss, Jesus, who had been baptized by John, began his ministry. One ministry, that of John, concluded, and another ministry, that of Jesus, began. Jesus’ ministry would prove to be much more wonderful than the ministry of John the Baptist. Jesus could say in a way that John could not, ‘the kingdom of God is close at hand’. God would be powerfully present in the ministry of Jesus in a way that wasn’t true of the ministry of John the Baptist. One of the messages of this gospel reading may be that God can bring new life out of great loss. The death and resurrection of Jesus would show that in an even more striking way. The painful and humiliating death of Jesus on the cross was the opportunity for God to work in a powerful way, raising Jesus from the dead and making possible the beginnings of the church. We have all had to come to terms with painful loss in our lives. Something we had set our heart on did not come about; some person who was hugely significant for us was taken from us. In the aftermath of such loss we can feel drained of life in a real valley of darkness. Although we may feel helpless in such situations, the Lord is not helpless. He continues to work in our lives bringing some form of new life from the loss and death we are experiencing. As Saint Paul discovered, God’s power is made perfect in weakness.

 And/Or

(viii) Monday, First Week in Ordinary Time

The Lord’s call most often comes to us in the context of our daily lives. That was certainly the case for Simon, Andrew, James and John in today’s gospel reading. They were engaged in their daily tasks as fishermen when Jesus called them to follow him. Simon and Andrew were casting a net in the sea of Galilee. James and John were in their boat, mending their nets. This was the stuff of their daily lives. When the Lord’s call came to them in the midst of their daily tasks, it resulted in their taking a completely new direction. They left the business of catching and selling fish and became fishers of people. Jesus would henceforth work through them to gather people into the nets of God’s kingdom. When the Lord’s call comes to us in and through our daily lives, it won’t normally have such a life changing impact. The Lord won’t necessarily call us to do something completely different. However, he will always call us to do what we are doing in a way that conforms more fully to his way. His call will always be a call to become more loving, more generous, less self-centred and self-regarding. This is the Lord’s basic call to all of us. This is the call we find there in the gospel reading before the very particular call to the four fishermen, ‘Repent and believe the Good News’. It is a call to keep turning more fully towards the Lord so that he becomes a more alive presence in our lives, shaping what we do and how we do it.

Fr. Martin Hogan.

FATHER’S DAY

The death of Lucille Ball’s father at an early age had a great impact. Throughout the four situation comedies built around her, the “Lucy” characters had mothers, but references to their fathers was rare. Here’s a tribute to the precious few dads found in the Lucyverse! 

Henry “Had” Durrell Ball (1887-1915) ~ Father of Lucille Ball and Fred Ball.

Desiderio Alberto Arnaz y Alberni II (1894-1973) ~ Father of Desi Arnaz and grandfather of Lucie Arnaz and Desi Arnaz IV. Desi Jr. is now the father of two. 

Ricky Ricardo (aka Ricardo Alberto Fernando Ricardo y de Acha aka Enrique Alberto Fernando Ricardo y de Acha III) ~ Father of Ricky Ricardo Jr. (Keith Thibodeaux). Actually, Ricky’s son was played by 8 actors over the course of the series.

In “Return Home From Europe” (ILL S5;E26), Ricky insists that he is not the father of baby Cheddar Chester!

Below are all the fathers on “I Love Lucy”!  

But first, a (Father’s Day) word from our sponsor!

Will Potter ~ Father of Ethel Mertz. Besides Ricky himself, Will Potter (Irving Bacon) is the only father of the main characters on “I Love Lucy.”  Although all four have living mothers (two of whom are characters on the show), only Ethel’s father is alive and well and appears on screen in “Ethel’s Hometown” (ILL S4;E16). 

Charlie Appleby ~ Father of Stevie. Charlie makes two appearances on the series, although each time he is played by a different actor: Hy Averback played him in “Baby Pictures” (ILL S3;E5) and George O'Hanlon (inset photo) in “Lucy and Superman” (ILL S6;E13).

Harry Munson ~ Father of Billy. Harry and Grace live about a mile from the Ricardos in Connecticut. Harry is played by Tristram Coffin in two episodes: “Lucy Misses the Mertzes” (ILL S6;E17) and in “The Country Club Dance” (S6;E25). 

Ralph Ramsey ~ Father of Bruce Ramsey. The Ramseys live across from the Ricardos in Westport. Ralph (Frank Nelson) was only seen in two Connecticut-based episodes: “Lucy Gets Chummy With The Neighbors” (ILL S6;E18) and “The Country Club Dance” (ILL S6;E25), although Nelson appeared in many more episodes as different characters. 

Danny Williams ~ Father of Rusty, Linda and Terry, although Terry does not appear in “Lucy Makes Room For Danny”, the cross-over episode that brought “The Danny Thomas Show” to CBS. In fact, for its first three years, the show was known as “Make Room for Daddy.”  Subsequently, Thomas did a sequel called “Make Room for Granddaddy” and Lucille Ball guest-starred on it in 1971.

The Sheriff of Bent Fork, Tennessee ~ Father of twin girls Teensy and Weensy. Will Wright played the character in “Tennessee Bound” (ILL S4;E15). 

Mr. Stanley ~ Father to nine girls! When “Lucy Goes To The Hospital” (ILL S2;E16), Ricky meets a man in the fathers’ waiting room (played by Charles Lane) anxiously awaiting the birth of his latest (and he says last) child, whom he hopes will be a boy. His hopes are dashed - times three over!   

The Italian Farmer ~ in “Lucy’s Bicycle Trip” (ILL S5;E24), claims to have nine  children: Teresa, Sofia, Luigi, Pietro, Dino, Gino, Rosa, Mario, and Antonio!  The Farmer is played by Mario Siletti, but his "multi bambini” remain off screen!

Ernie Kovacs ~ Father of Kippie and Bette, unseen but mentioned characters in “Lucy Meets the Mustache” (LDCH S3;E3) in 1960. The girls are said to be making friends with Little Ricky, while their father entertains at Lucy and Ricky’s (last) party. 

Moving on to the Fathers of “The Lucy Show”...

Theodore J. Mooney ~ Father of Bob, Ted, Arnold, and Rosemary, who was never seen, but is said to live in Trenton and to have had a baby, making Mr. Mooney a grandfather as well! Gale Gordon played Mr. Mooney from 1963 to 1968. If the character was ever given a spin-off, it might have been called “My Three Sons”!  

Father Time ~ Played by Sherman Bagley (Ralph Hart) in “Chris’s New Year’s Eve Party” (TLS S1;E14). He is accompanied by Baby New Year played by Jerry Carmichael (Jimmy Garrett). In the series, Sherman’s father Ralph is mentioned, but never seen. Jerry’s dad is deceased and never given a name.  

Kenneth Westcott ~ Father of Debbie, who is a friend of Lucy Carmichael’s daughter Chris and Principal of their high school in 1963′s “Lucy is a Chaperone” (TLS S1;E27). He is played by Hanley Stafford. 

Mr. Sanford ~ Father of Timmy, who is having a birthday where Lucy and Viv are hired as party planners and the entertainment in “Kiddie Parties, Inc.” (TLS S2;E2). Mr. Sanford is played by Lyle Talbot. If he was ever given a sequel, it might be called “Sanford and Son”!  

Jonathan Winslow ~ Father of Charlie, Danny and Bobbie (aka Roberta) in “Lucy the Babysitter” (TLS S5;E16). What Lucy doesn’t realize is that the Winslow children are actually baby chimps!  Mr. Winslow was played by Jonathan Hole. 

In “Lucy and Harry’s Tonsils” (TLS S2;E5), Mr. Phillips (Jack Collins) plays an father expecting his first child who believes Mr. Mooney is there for the same reason, while Mr. Mooney thinks Mr. Phillips is there for a tonsillectomy! Phillips (having his third child) is similar to the character of Mr. Stanley (who is having his ninth – all girls!) in “Lucy Goes to the Hospital” (ILL S2;E16).

“Lucy Becomes a Father” (TLS S3;E9) finds single mom and widow Lucy Carmichael trying to be both mother and father to her son, Jerry. She joins five other cub scout dads on a weekend away, trying desperately to do what the other dads do. The fathers include (left to right): Hal Smith as Mr. Wilson, George ‘Red’ Fox as George (hidden), Gale Gordon as Mr. Mooney, George Niese as Mr. Carter, and Buster West as Tom. Coincidentally, Gale Gordon had the surnames Carter in “Here’s Lucy” and Wilson in “Dennis the Menace” but neither were dads! 

In the play “The Founding of Danfield” staged in “Lucy and Arthur Godfrey” (TLS S3;E23) in 1965, Godfrey plays “Daddy” of Lucybelle (Lucy Carmichael), and [spoiler alert] Conrad P. Field (Mr. Mooney) turns out to be the daddy of the Honest-But-Poor Piano Player Dan (Vinnie, played by Max Showalter). In real life, Godfrey was the father of three.  

The Father of Our Country ~ George Washington, as embodied by Lucy Carmichael when “Lucy and Viv Open a Restaurant” (TLS S2;E20). Viv (Vivian Vance) dresses a George’s wife, Martha, to promote their new Colonial-themed restaurant. 

In “Lucy the Gun Moll” (TLS S4;E25), Lucille Ball plays both Lucy Carmichael and a look-alike gun moll named Rusty, who performs the Cole Porter song “My Heart Belongs to Daddy”!

And now the Dads of “Here’s Lucy”....

Mr. Caldwell ~ Father of Laurie in “Mod, Mod Lucy” (HL S1;E1), the very first episode of “Here’s Lucy.” Lew Parker played the over-protective dad of teenage Laurie (Nancy Roth). His wife is played by Nancy Howard. Parker was best known for playing the father of another TV character, Ann Marie (Marlo Thomas) on “That Girl.” In real-life, Marlo’s father was Lucy’s friend and co-star - one of the most famous daddies on TV - Danny Thomas!  

On “Lucy and Johnny Carson” (HL S2;E11), while appearing on “The Tonight Show” and playing Stump the Band, Lucy Carter chooses a song titled “Snoops the Lawyer” that she says her father sang to her when she was a child.  This is the only mention of her father on the series. Coincidentally, Ball’s real mother is one of the audience members (Carson is sitting on the arm of her chair). Since the song was not written until 1920, and Lucille Ball’s real father Henry died in 1915, this cannot be a real-life recollection from Lucy. 

Lee Wong ~ Father of Linda Chang and Sue Chin in “Lucy the Laundress” (HL S2;E17). The single father and business owner was played by James Hong. 

Moose Manley ~ Father of milquetoast Wally in “Lucy and Wally Cox” (HL S2;E21). Moose was played by Alan Hale Jr. and his timid son by Wally Cox (insert). 

Harrison Otis Carter the First ~ Great Grandfather of Harry Carter IV (aka Harry). Gale Gordon’s image was used to create Harry’s great grandfather.  Harry claims he was one of the founders of Sinclairville, New York, and was father of 17 children!

Konstantin Kasos ~ Grandfather of the Bride in “Lucy’s Wedding Party” (HL S3;E8). The role was played by Bruce Gordon (”The Untouchables”) who was really just 55 years old playing a 77 Greek granddaddy. 

Vincent Price - Father of Victoria aka “Little Vicky”, the name of Price’s real-life daughter, who is mentioned by Lucy, but does not appear in the episode “Lucy Cuts Vincent’s Price” (HL S3;E9). 

Alfredo Colucci ~ Father of Ricardo, Anna Maria, Louisa, Luigi, Vincenzo, Dino, Lucrezia, Alfredo Jr., Margarito, Bruno, Rosa, and Frederico - all of whom appear in the final moments of “Lucy and Harry’s Italian Bombshell” (HL S4;E3) starring Kaye Ballard. Emile Autuori plays Alfredo, but the twelve children appear uncredited. 

Claude Wolff ~ Husband of Petula Clark, who was noticeably pregnant when they played themselves on a “Here’s Lucy” in 1972. In real-life, Wolff became a dad for the third time with the birth of his first son, Patrick. 

Harry Carter (Gale Gordon) finally got to play a working class dad to two unambitious teens when he appeared in a TV commercial during “Lucy and Cousin Ernie’s Fun Farm” (HL S1;E23) in 1969. 

Harry Carter (Gale Gordon) pretends to be a husband and father (to be) when he convinces Lucy to play his pregnant wife to scare of a domineering suitor (Jean Willes) in “Lucy, The Part-Time Wife” (HL S3;E14).  

The Lucyverse has plenty of room for fathers of all kinds. Father Lambros (Paul Picerni) showed up for a Greek wedding in “Lucy’s Wedding Party” (HL S3;E8).

And Finally, “Life With Lucy 

All Lucy Fathers come back to Gale Gordon - a man who never had children in real life!  

Curtis McGibbon ~ Father of Ted McGibbon and Grandfather of Ted’s children Rebecca and Kevin. Gale Gordon played Curtis, the patriarch on “Life With Lucy,” with Larry Anderson as Ted, Jenny Lewis as Becky, and Philip Amelio as Kevin.  

In “Mother of the Bride” (LWL S1;E8) in 1986, Lucy Barker and her sister Audrey (Audrey Meadows) mention their father during a private conversation in the kitchen.

I see you reblogging some comic stuff an I was wondering if you have a favorite comic or favorite character or ship?

this ask is from so long ago but [DEEP BREATH IN] i’m finally going to answer it, nonny.  finally.  i kept wanting to read a little bit farther in my comics stack because.... maybe i’ll like that and will regret not having recced it, i just hafta--get--to it, see?  and, honestly, i’m still there BUT, come on, i’ll never be caught up because that would mean comics would just have to stop coming out and i would be sad forever if that happened, SO

i’m not even going to pretend like i can narrow this down to one comic.  (one ship?  sure, that’s spideypool.  one character?  sure, that’s the merc with a mouth, the regenerating degenerate, wade motherfucking wilson.  but one comic?!)  there is just straight-up too much out there to make a definitive ‘yes, this is it, this is THE ONE ™ ’ statement.  instead, uh, let’s break this shit down, yeah?  (super special secret bonus round, will note all lgbt+ rep and standalone comics.)  in no particular order, here the frig it goes!

HORROR

infidel, by pornsak pichetshote and aaron campbell.  in case you haven’t seen this on every 2018 best list ever, here it is.  and, yeah, it was good.  a muslim-american main character living in a haunted apartment building where the entities feed off the xenophobia of its occupants.  if that’s not a fucking modern horror story i don’t know what is.

spread, by justin jordan and kyle strahm.  THIS IS ONE OF MY NEW AND ALREADY ALL-TIME FAVORITES.  what an awesomely weird and epic story.  the spread is an uncontrollable, unstoppable monster-making force that humanity accidentally unleashed by digging too deep.  it infects everything it touches and basically all of humanity is running from quarantine to quarantine just hoping for the best.  and speaking of hope.... she’s a baby, rescued by no, and the only thing that’s ever been able to stop the spread.  also, no’s gay?  and i just DID NOT see that coming.  it seems like it’s going to be such a formulaic, bro-y story about the action hero who kisses the face off his girl (her name’s molly and she’s batshit insane and amazing) and instead, nope, it is not that at all.  lgbt+ main characters.

the black monday murders, by jonathan hickman and tomm coker.  hate capitalism?  think all the rich and powerful are evil, soul-sucking monsters?  [obnoxious, low-budget commercial sound effects] MAN, HAVE I GOT THE SERIES FOR YOU.

the beauty, by jeremy haun and jason a. hurley.  i just started this recently but so far, oh my good golly gosh, i looove it.  a sexually transmitted disease that makes you conventionally gorgeous.... at least before it explodies you.  [wide, creepy smile]  the art is gorgeous, the characters are aces and i am very, very pleased so far.  lgbt+ minor characters.

the great divide, by ben fisher and adam markiewicz.  this?  was a COOL idea.  the execution stumbled a bit but, gosh, was it neat.  it’s post-apocalyptic where touching another person will literally kill.... one of you.  the survivor then absorbs the memories of the person who dies, taking on a ‘rider.’  some people collect them, some people go mad, some form a bond, all have the side effect of dyslexia.  like i said, neat as all get out.  lgbt+ minor-ish/main-ish character.  standalone.

revival, by tim seely and mike norton.  a rural town in wisconsin experiences ‘miracle day,’ where the dead rise again.... except, they were kinda already mourned and buried and this is really just fucking up the status quo.

the woods, by james tynion iv and michael dialynas.  a high school gets picked up and plopped down in an entirely new, and wickedly hostile universe.  it’s all survival and alliances and seeing what you’re really made of when it comes down to it.  lgbt+ main characters. 

clean room, by gail simone and jon davis-hunt.  a cult, a journalist and a clean room walk into a bar...

anya’s ghost, by vera brosgol.  you think it’ll be a cute story of a girl and her ghost.  HA HA THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENS AT ALL, OKAY.

FANTASY

rumble, by john arcudi and james harren.  SCARECROW WARRIOR GOD, SCARECROW WARRIOR GOD, SCARECROW WARRIOR GOD!!!  okay, first off, the art in this?  pushes every friggin’ button i’ve got, and many i did not know i had.  second, this book is so fucking fun.  it’s mythology that’s balls to the wall ridiculous, funny, and features a main character whose life motto is basically: ‘do i have to?’  infinitely relatable and then some.

heathen, by natasha alterici and rachel deering.  UGH, ONE OF MY FAVORITES.  the art is just horribly, horrendously gorgeous and it’s LESBIAN VIKING MYTHOLOGY, OKAY.  OKAYYYY???   lgbt+ main characters.

the wicked + the divine, by kieron gillen and jamie mckelvie.  one of my favorite ever series right here.  it’s a hella cool concept (gods reincarnating as humans every twelve years, and burning up their hosts in two), whip-smart and if you’ve ever met a human being who likes a pun more than kieron gillen i defy you to produce them.  lgbt+ main and minor characters.

batgirl, by gail simone and adrian sayaf and vicente cifuentes.  you know how people rave about gail simone?  there’s a reason people rave about gail simone.  honestly, i’ve never had much interest in babs.  i don’t tend to go for superheroes who don’t kill and i have even less interest in ‘the killing joke’ story line and i am convinced only gail simone could’ve done the recovery on that and she did a GLORIOUS job of it.

red hood and the outlaws, by scott lobdell and dexter soy.  (ignoring recent - and annoying - developments), this is my favorite of all the rebirths dc did.  scott lobdell is the only writer to have gotten the idea down of: okay, we’re starting over, i assume you don’t know anything but i also assume there are a bajillion people reading who know everything, and hit the perfect medium between those two things.  so if you want to start a jason todd run, you legitimately can here, and get all the found family, badassery, batman-teasing enjoyment there is to be had.

iceman, by sina grace and robert gill (covers by kevin wada).  classic super-heroing here and bobby’s first solo title.  he’s figuring out coming out while fighting (and flirting) with baddies.  sina really gets his humor and how truly wonder-awful it is!  lgbt+ main character.

spider-man/deadpool, by joe kelly and ed mcguinness.  watch those names there, those are your guys right there, period.  they looked at the void of a spider-man/deadpool series and filled it with absolutely everything you could possibly want for the pair (sans a hardcore make-out sesh, though they did get a few variant covers with some puckered up lips in there!)

limbo, by dan watters and caspar wijngaard.  a fusion of 80s aesthetics, voodoo elements and a noir tone.  just some remarkably cool shit in this.  the ending, for me, left something to be desired but it was more than worth it to see worship via mixtapes.  standalone.

hawkeye: kate bishop, by kelly thompson and leonardo romero.  kate bishop is, apparently???, a super impossible character for a lot of writers.  kelly thompson is not one of them.  kelly thompson is my favorite kate bishop writer, actually, and the fact that she is ever not writing her is a gd travesty.

the unbeatable squirrel girl, by ryan north and erica henderson.  honestly, i’m so tempted to just stick this under ‘contemporary,’ because it really does just feel very... normal.  doreen’s navigating college, new friendships, and y’know... the squirrely-ness.  this had every opportunity to suck and instead it’s funny as heck, never takes itself too seriously, and is just pure good-hearted entertainment through and through.

wolf, by ales kot and matt taylor.  a paranormal detective and the-possible-antichrist go on a road trip.  people hated this comic and i don’t know how you can hate a comic that has a character called freddy chtonic who has tentacles for a mouth??? 

ms. marvel, by g. willow wilson and adrian alphona.  hi, you read ms. marvel because the world is a garbage fire and people are terrible and your cynicism is at an all time high and then kamala khan waltzes in and reminds you people generally want to help each other and the world improves when we work together and that thing optimists feel?  you’ll feel that for as long as you’ve got the pages open and that’s a magical thing.  lgbt+ minor character.

monstress, by marjorie m. liu and sana takeda.  psychic links with monsters, matriarchal societies, magic and witchery, half-human/half-animal (and other ratios) characters, all through a steampunk lens.  what’s not to like about that??

inhuman, by charles soule.  i love this series, i love the idea of being a total average joe/joanne, getting smacked in the face by a cloud of mist and suddenly having to figure out how to live basically a whole new life.  also, if you don’t fall madly in love with dante pertuz, i don’t even know what to tell you, my dude.

heart in a box, by kelly thompson and meredith mcclaren.  break-ups suck, but only because of that whole pesky broken heart thing, right?  so emma gives hers away.  problem solved, no?  standalone.

i kill giants, by joe kelly and j.m. ken niimura.  i didn’t cry my eyes out or anything.  did not.  standalone.

sex criminals, by matt fraction and chip zdarsky.  having sex = stopping time, which leads suzie and jon to the only logical conclusion: let’s rob some banks!

hawkeye, by matt fraction and david aja.  honestly there are a lot of other artist combos in this run but the only ones that are worthwhile are the ones that have fraction and aja’s names on them - sorry not sorry.

SCIENCE FICTION

black bolt, by saladin ahmed and christian ward.  saladin revived this character one hundred million percent.  there is absolutely a reason this was parading around all over ‘best’ lists when it was released.  it really, really did the damn thing.

saga, by brian k. vaughan and fiona staples.  this is the comic you recommend to people who don’t even like comics because it is that good.  like, my dad - who hadn’t read a comic since he was a pre-teen, eagerly awaits each new trade.  the world-building, the characters, the care put into every single solitary bit of all the things?  unparalleled.  lgbt+ minor characters.

frostbite, by joshua williamson and jason shawn alexander.  a post-apocalyptic story that has humanity dying from a plague that literally freezes you from the inside out.  very neat, very cold, very readable.  standalone.

descender, by jeff lemire and dustin nguyen.  this had a rough start, for me, with the main character of the first trade being tim-21, an android who is literally incapable of having the depth to be a lead BUT that does not last through to the next trade, thank god.  lots of space and found family and world-building in this to be had!  but you know how people rave about jeff lemire?  there’s a reason people rave about jeff lemire.

paper girls, by brian k. vaughan and cliff chiang.  the 80s and time travel and lifelong friendships.  it’s brian k. vaughan, you know it’s good, okay?  why do i even have to sell you here, man?  lgbt+ main characters.

injection, by warren ellis and declan shalvey.  this is another one on my list that started out a little rough but really appealed to me later on.  there was just a lot to absorb in that first trade but, once you’ve got it, the ride gets way, way smoother.   lgbt+ main and minor characters.

black science, by rick remender and matteo scalera.  this was a rocky start, because the main character is such an asshole but in a way where he can’t see he’s an asshole, he’s just a tortured genius who’s superior to all of you, don’t you know? but i am so glad i persevered because if that’s the set up?  the rest of the series is knocking him back down.  super scientist grant mckay finds a way to access the eververse, every possible reality the universe has on offer, and that’s really what causes every single problem that follows.  hard to cause the apocalypse and be an arrogant prick, ya know?

CONTEMPORARY

giant days, by john allison and lissa treiman.  this series is so funny and smart and warm.  these girls are so kind to each other and relatable and failing at adulting regularly and often and i love reading about them.  lgbt+ main character.

lumberjanes, by noelle stevenson and grace ellis and brooke a. allen.  this is funny and ridiculous and kind and cool and all other awesome adjectives and you should read it, fact.  lgbt+ main characters.

my brother’s husband, by gengoroh tagame and anne ishii (translator).  this is such a sweet story about acceptance and family tbh.   lgbt+ main character.

fence, by c. s. pacat and johanna the mad.  i mean... i need to see nicholas and seiji hook-up, i need that, stat.  stat means now!   lgbt+ main characters.

WEB/INDEPENDENT COMICS

long exposure, by kam heyward.  so mitch and jonas are my absolute faves and i love them to death and the author is so kind in that they actually put this up in print on indyplanet so i can read it the way i, personally, love to read comics (and - bonus! - support them with the monies).  lgbt+ main characters.

modern dread, by pat shand and ryan fassett (editors).  i’ve been trying to find more better horror comics lately so i’ve been kind of half-heartedly stumbling through kickstarter on the hunt and this was SUCH a great find.  it’s an anthology but more cleverly done than any other kickstarter anthology i’ve read, with a main story line that seamlessly strings together the would-be-disjointed ones.  this was really thoughtfully put together and really well done!  standalone.

heartstopper, by alice oseman.  a very sweet story about two high school-aged boys becoming fast friends, playing rugby and falling in love.  the two characters are mentioned as an aside in the author’s book, solitaire, and she became so invested in them that she wrote their backstory as a free webcomic.   lgbt+ main characters.

the pale, by jay fabares.  JUST started this (like, just a day or so ago) but i’m enjoying it so far!

hotblood!, by toril orlesky.  i mean... is it a webcomic about a centaur falling in love with his boss?  it just might be.  did i get a bound edition through a kickstarter campaign?  maybe.  maybe i did that.  who’s to say?   lgbt+ main characters.

the bay, by bbz.  life on mars through the lens of three young professionals who form an odd but lasting friendship.  lgbt+ main characters.

hard drive, by artroan.  is it a nsfw comic about a dude and a robot?  .... it might be a nsfw comic about a dude and a robot.  [coughs]   lgbt+ main characters.

seen nothing yet, by tess stone.  a nsfw comic about two amateur ghost hunters.  can’t imagine why i might be interested in that [coughs]   lgbt+ main characters.

captain imani and the cosmic chase, by lin darrow and alex assan.  i mean did i want a starship captain who can’t help but lust after the smuggler he’s chasing.  i mean, maybe i did.  maybe.   lgbt+ main characters.

taproot, by keezy young.  ghost falls in love with boy, boy falls in love with ghost, AND THEY LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.  lgbt+ main characters.

always raining here, by bell and hazel.  just two boys falling in lurve.  lgbt+ main characters.

30th May >> Fr. Martin’s Gospel Reflections / Homilies on Mark 10:32-45 for Wednesday, Eighth Week in Ordinary Time: ‘The Son of Man himself did not come to be served but to serve’. Wednesday, Eighth Week in Ordinary Time Gospel (Europe, Africa, New Zealand, Australia & Canada) Mark 10:32-45 The Son of Man came to give his life as a ransom for many The disciples were on the road, going up to Jerusalem; Jesus was walking on ahead of them; they were in a daze, and those who followed were apprehensive. Once more taking the Twelve aside he began to tell them what was going to happen to him: ‘Now we are going up to Jerusalem, and the Son of Man is about to be handed over to the chief priests and the scribes. They will condemn him to death and will hand him over to the pagans, who will mock him and spit at him and scourge him and put him to death; and after three days he will rise again.’ James and John, the sons of Zebedee, approached him. ‘Master,’ they said to him ‘we want you to do us a favour.’ He said to them, ‘What is it you want me to do for you?’ They said to him, ‘Allow us to sit one at your right hand and the other at your left in your glory.’ ‘You do not know what you are asking’ Jesus said to them. ‘Can you drink the cup that I must drink, or be baptised with the baptism with which I must be baptised?’ They replied, ‘We can.’ Jesus said to them, ‘The cup that I must drink you shall drink, and with the baptism with which I must be baptised you shall be baptised, but as for seats at my right hand or my left, these are not mine to grant; they belong to those to whom they have been allotted.’ When the other ten heard this they began to feel indignant with James and John, so Jesus called them to him and said to them, ‘You know that among the pagans their so-called rulers lord it over them, and their great men make their authority felt. This is not to happen among you. No; anyone who wants to become great among you must be your servant, and anyone who wants to be first among you must be slave to all. For the Son of Man himself did not come to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.’ Gospel (USA) Mark 10:32-45 Behold, we are going up to Jerusalem and the Son of Man will be handed over. The disciples were on the way, going up to Jerusalem, and Jesus went ahead of them. They were amazed, and those who followed were afraid. Taking the Twelve aside again, he began to tell them what was going to happen to him. “Behold, we are going up to Jerusalem, and the Son of Man will be handed over to the chief priests and the scribes, and they will condemn him to death and hand him over to the Gentiles who will mock him, spit upon him, scourge him, and put him to death, but after three days he will rise.” Then James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came to Jesus and said to him, ‘Teacher, we want you to do for us whatever we ask of you.” He replied, ‘What do you wish me to do for you?” They answered him, “Grant that in your glory we may sit one at your right and the other at your left.” Jesus said to them, “You do not know what you are asking. Can you drink the chalice that I drink or be baptized with the baptism with which I am baptized?” They said to him, ‘We can.” Jesus said to them, “The chalice that I drink, you will drink, and with the baptism with which I am baptized, you will be baptized; but to sit at my right or at my left is not mine to give but is for those for whom it has been prepared.” When the ten heard this, they became indignant at James and John. Jesus summoned them and said to them, “You know that those who are recognized as rulers over the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones make their authority over them felt. But it shall not be so among you. Rather, whoever wishes to be great among you will be your servant; whoever wishes to be first among you will be the slave of all. For the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Reflections (5) (i) Wednesday, Eighth Week in Ordinary Time There are times in the gospels when Jesus seems aware that he is calling his disciples to a way of life that is out of sync with the culture around them. Today’s gospel reading is a good example of this awareness of Jesus. He looks out at the pagan world of his day and he sees how the rulers and those in authority govern. He says that they lord it over their subjects and make their authority felt. He then very pointedly says to his disciples, ‘this is not to happen among you’. He had noticed that his disciples were speaking and behaving in ways that reflected the world’s understanding of authority as conferring status and power. James and John had just been looking for the places of honour in Jesus’ kingdom; the other disciples became indignant with James and John, thinking perhaps that they had stolen a march on them. Jesus did not want his community of disciples to learn the ways of the world when it came to exercising authority. ‘This is not to happen among you’. Unfortunately, this strong admonition of Jesus has not always been heeded by the church in the course of its history. Jesus understands authority purely in terms of service, ‘anyone who wants to become great among you must be your servant’. This was Jesus’ teaching, but, even more so, this was Jesus’ way of life, ‘the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life’. Jesus embodied the authority of self-emptying service of others, especially of the most vulnerable. He declares in today’s gospel reading that this is the only exercise of authority that is valid for his followers. And/Or (ii) Wednesday, Eighth Week in Ordinary Time Jesus asks many questions in the course of the four gospels, and one of the most significant is to be found in this morning’s gospel reading, ‘What is it you want me to do for you?’ Jesus addresses this question to James and John, the sons of Zebedee. In the very next passage of Mark’s gospel, he addresses the same question to the blind man, Bartimaeus, in Jericho. It is a question that invites us to express what it is we most want. It is a question that draws out of us what our values are, what our priorities are. What James and John wanted was the most prominent positions in God’s kingdom; they were seeking after status and honour. Jesus could not grant their request because the values expressed by their request were not the values of Jesus. Their prayer of petition was not in the spirit of Jesus and so, it could not be responded to. We need to pray, to petition, in the spirit of Jesus. Our prayers of petition need to be in tune with the prayers of the Holy Spirit deep within us. We need to pray in Jesus’ name. Only then can our prayers be heard. And/Or (iii) Wednesday, Eighth Week in Ordinary Time In this morning’s gospel reading, we find one of several clashes between Jesus and his disciples in Mark’s gospel, as they make their way to Jerusalem, the city where Jesus will be crucified. Jesus and his disciples are clearly on different wavelengths. The difference between them finds expression in the very different questions they ask of each other. The question the two disciples, James and John, ask Jesus focuses on glory, honour, status. The question that Jesus asks James and John focuses on the experience of rejection and suffering that he has to face into, ‘Can you drink the cup that I must drink, or be baptized with the baptism with which I must be baptized?’ Jesus was referring to the cup of suffering and the baptism of fire. The question of James and John showed their interest in self-promotion. The question of Jesus showed his interest in self-giving. At the heart of being his disciple is self-giving love, becoming the servant of others, and this will often mean taking the way of the cross, as Jesus knew from his own experience. James and John, and all of us, are being called to follow the one who did not come to be served but to serve, whose purpose in life was not to promote himself but to empty himself for others. It is only in following this way that we will receive that share in Jesus’ glory that was the focus of James and John’s request. And/Or (iv) Wednesday, Eighth Week in Ordinary Time In yesterday’s gospel reading, Peter asked Jesus a question. In this morning’s gospel reading, two of Peter’s companions, James and John, the sons of Zebedee, make a request of Jesus, ‘allow us to sit one at your right hand and the other at your left hand in your glory’. They were after the best seats in the kingdom of heaven; nothing less would do. You would have to say that there was a fair degree of self-interest in their request. As a result, it was a request that Jesus could not answer. Our prayers can only be answered to the extent that they are in keeping with God’s purpose for our lives and in harmony with the values of God’s kingdom. To be genuine our prayer has to be a prayer that Jesus himself could identify with. The question that Jesus asked James and John points in the direction of the prayer that they should have made, ‘Can you drink the cup that I must drink, or be baptized with the baptism with which I must be baptized?’ Jesus was really asking them, ‘Can you follow me even if it means the cross for you?’ The Lord asks that question of all of us, and the prayer which that question inspires in us is the prayer which asks God to keep us faithful to his Son, even when it costs us a great deal. It is the final two petitions of the Lord’s prayer. And/Or (v) Wednesday, Eighth Week in Ordinary Time People make requests of Jesus in the gospels. If the request is for healing of some kind, he always responds. However, if the request is tainted with self-interest he doesn’t respond. In the gospel reading this morning two of the disciples make a request of Jesus to which he does not respond. There was certainly an element of self-interest in the request of James and John; they wanted the best seats in Jesus’ kingdom. Our own requests of the Lord have to be purified of self-interest if he is to respond to them. If we ask something of the Lord for ourselves it needs always to be with a view to others. Our asking has to be in the service of the Lord’s work in the world. Towards the end of the gospel reading Jesus defines greatest in God’s kingdom in terms of service of others, ‘Anyone who wants to become great among you must be your servant’. Jesus points to himself as the model servant, declaring that he came not to be served, which is what James and John wanted, but to serve. His service of others involved a painful self-emptying, as all service in his name will often involve. That is why in response to the self-serving question of James and John Jesus asks them a question which points in the direction of self-emptying service, ‘Can you drink the cup I must drink, or be baptized with the baptism with which I must be baptized?’ There is an implicit reference to both Eucharist and baptism in Jesus’ question. Every time we drink the cup of the Lord at the Eucharist we are saying ‘yes’ to our baptismal calling to share in the Lord’s work of giving of ourselves in the service of others. Fr. Martin Hogan, Saint John the Baptist Parish, Clontarf, Dublin, D03 AO62, Ireland. Email: [email protected] or [email protected] Parish Website: www.stjohnsclontarf.ie Please join us via our webcam. Twitter: @SJtBClontarfRC. Facebook: St John the Baptist RC Parish, Clontarf. Tumblr: Saint John the Baptist Parish, Clontarf, Dublin.

;; [ cluster #0000 ]

Character: The Hand Name: Lee Morgenthau Age: 19 Department: Legrand Powers: Illusion, Emotion enhancement, Decodification FC: Aisha Dee Status: Taken by E.

;; [ biography ]

i.

One, two, three steps.

Silent breaths. Quickly beating hearts. Tensed bodies. Awed expressions. All eyes up to the sky.

Four, five, six steps.

A man in a top hat walks on the wire. They are careful steps, he is not taking any chances, but below, among the audience, nobody can see that. They only see confidence, like the man walks on the ground. Nobody dares make a loud voice for a few seconds, in fear that anything too loud might be the cause of loss of balance, and then when they realize that is not going to happen, everyone all at once breaks out into clapping and cheers.

Seven, eight, nine steps.

There is a little girl, standing behind the curtains, where nobody can see her, clutching a pair of ballet shoes in one hand, a teddy bear in another. Her eyes are up on the air, watching his uncle walk on the wire for countless time now.

Ten, eleven, twelve steps.

Her eyes are breathing hard, but not for the same reason everyone else’s out in the audience. There is excitement, adoration, passion in her eyes, and itching in her feet. She isn’t afraid of him falling down, she knows he won’t. He never does. Why would anything be different tonight, of all nights.

Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen steps.

She watches him reach the middle of the wire, and she knows, without any question or doubt, that she wants to be up there.

ii.

There are so many details about that night that Annalee can’t remember of. It happened over a decade ago, she was still little, so things got fuzzy over the years.

What she remembers is the screaming. The fight between her father and her uncle. The same old fight. Should they use a net or not. What Annalee could still gather from her memory is that there was an incident – her uncle didn’t want to use a net, said it would be a bigger draw for the people if her brother did the trapeze number with his friend without it, while her father disagreed. The entire day was spent with the net being taken down and then put back on. And then repeat.

She was eight at the time and she could distinctly remember thinking that in just a couple of years, her father and uncle would have the same fights, only at that time not about his brother’s, but instead her performance and whether to use a net or not. She was excited about that. About getting to the point where she could walk up in the sky without a safety net under her. It was going to be a huge step in her career.

Normally this was the time when she zoned out, daydreaming about her future and what it will be like to be a grown up performer of the circus, but the fight got even more heated and her father was once again blaming her uncle for everything that didn’t even happen – brother missed the catch, sure, but nobody actually got hurt, so she couldn’t understand what the big fuss was about -, and he was threatening to leave and never look back and Annalee found herself jumping into the argument.

She didn’t know what she was doing, she only knew she didn’t want to leave. She didn’t want to leave. She didn’t want to leave.

“Fine, then stay!” is what her father ended up yelling at her, and she things are fuzzy and she isn’t sure about a lot of things, but she can remember that moment when she looked up at his father and yelled back, “Fine, I will!”

Following that, it was simple, yet complicated.

Simple, because they left and Annalee stayed and that was that. She hasn’t seen any of her parents or her brother after that. And still complicated, because she was only eight and she couldn’t possibly understand the severity of the events, her own words or what it meant to let her own family walk away and never look back. She was eight and she traveled with the circus her entire life, that was the only thing she knew and the only thing she loved. She felt like her father was trying to snatch that away from her and she was trying to hold onto it as much as she possibly could. She didn’t understand the danger she put herself into each time she stepped onto the rope, she only new that she loved the feeling of it, and she especially loved the joy and happiness it brought to people watching her. If she loved it so much, why would her father even try to take it away from her. And she didn’t think they were actually going to leave. Her father threatened with leaving so many times, she didn’t think they were actually going to leave her behind. She was their daughter, after all, and who could possibly leave their daughter behind.

And yet the next morning she was standing next to her uncle and watched as the car rolled away and no matter how long she waited, they never turned around. Annalee stayed out there, in that same spot for three days, not moving, hoping they would come back. When she gave up, she told her uncle to call her Lee from that moment on.

And then she got to work.

iii.

One, two, three steps.

Even breath. Heart fluttering. Thought out, practiced steps. Eyes looking straight ahead, never wavering.

Four, five, six steps.

A girl with an umbrella walk on the wire. She takes careful steps, she was told at least a thousand time that this isn’t the night to take chances, and she doesn’t, but below, among the audience, nobody can see that. They only see confidence, intent in the girl’s steps, and they wonder how it can look like she is walking on the ground when her feet only connects to a small wire. There is a small child crying out, breaking the silence, and when the girl doesn’t even seem to care about the sound, let alone let it bother her or take her focus off of the wire, everyone all at once breaks out into clapping and cheers.

Seven, eight, nine steps.

There is an older man standing behind the curtains, where nobody can see him, clutching a teddy bear that his niece shoved into his hands before she went out there. His eyes are up on the air, watching her niece walk on the wire for the first time without a net. He didn’t show any signs of worry before, he couldn’t let her see it, but now that he is behind the curtains and away from prying eyes, he can let some of the worry in. She is good, she is amazing, he knows it. But she is also his niece, the only family he has at this point, and he is not a religious man, but he prays to everything above and beyond that this won’t be the night she makes a mistake after such long time.

Ten, eleven, twelve steps.

The girl’s eyes are glinting with excitement, though nobody can see it up there. She can feel the monumentality of the situation, but none of it shows in her movements. There is excitement, adoration, passion in her eyes – for the wire, for the walk, for the audience who give her the chance to prove herself to them, to entertain them. She doesn’t know them, but she adores every single one of them, and she hopes they leave the tent with a satisfied grin on their lips.

Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen steps.

She reached the middle of the wire and she can hear the cheer of the crowd, and she knows, without any question or doubt, that she is where belongs.

iv.

Lee grows up among the circus, all of them becoming her family.

James teaches her how to ride a horse and sometimes when they have a free day, they mount up and disappear for a couple of hours, nobody knowing what they are doing.

Mrs. Esterházy teaches her how to read tarot cards and she is obsessed with the idea of possibly being able to read someone’s future, but she never dares to do it herself, because she doesn’t want to know she can’t do it for sure, nor does she want to know she can, and then go ahead and predict a horrible, bloody future to somebody she cares about.

One time Enrique asks him to fill in for his brother, who got ill, and even though the night goes well, Lee vows never to let Enrique convince her of this again, because being tied to a circle that rolls around while somebody is throwing knives at you is not fun at all.

And then there is her uncle, who has become a father, a brother, a best friend to her. She might have not gotten the love other children did from their parents, but she does get more love than she ever could imagine from her uncle, and they weather through the passing years together, as a team. He is there when she breaks her arm because she falls off of a tree, when she goes to her first date ever that turns into a disaster, when she first tries to use her illusions during the show, but nothing actually happens, and he is there when she decides that even though the circus, tightrope walking and performing is her past, her present and her future, but the best thing for her in that moment is to apply to Excelsior and learn how to use and control her powers.

It’s one of the hardest decisions she’s ever made, and she spends weeks thinking over what she really wants, but she always comes back to the same thing: to make people happy, to awe people with her performance, to make them feel things – anxiousness, excitement, butterflies in the stomach, sheer joy from enjoying themselves throughout the night. And she wants to give her all into it, including illusions throughout the performance, and enhancing the emotions, making sure people feel everything. But to be able to do that, she has to be better at handling them, and what better place would there be than Excelsior to learn everything she needs to.

It’s not going to be easy, she knows that, but she is determined, and she wants to do it, which is more than enough reason for not only his uncle, but her entire family to stand behind her and her decision, and that is all she really needs. The rest she can get through one step at a time.

v.

One, two, three steps.

Shaking breath. Heavily beating heart. A knot in the stomach. Body tensed. Eyes stuck to the floor, not looking up.

Four, five, six steps.

A girl walks ahead, no umbrella in her hands to steady her. They are careful, slow steps, because she for the first time in forever, she is not sure of herself, not sure she can put on a show good enough to get accepted into Excelsior. Nobody can see that though – to anyone looking at her, those steps look like slow, but confident steps. Like somebody who knows exactly what she is walking into, and is ready for it there. This time, there is no clapping, no cheers following her steps.

Seven, eight, nine steps.

There is an older man standing on the other side of the door, walking up and down in anxious movements. Nobody can see him, but he can’t see his niece this time either. He is clutching a ragged teddy bear that only has one ear at this point, and if the teddy bear could feel things, it would feel just how nervous he is. He knows how much she wants this, and even though it will hurt not to have her around at all times, he also knows she has to fly out of the nest, has to experience the world for herself, and he wants this just as much as she does.

Ten, eleven, twelve steps.

She can see them now, see them clearly, the people who will decide her fate. Her breathing is hard, and she is just as nervous as any other applicant at this point. She lets out a long breath, however, getting ready to show them what she is made of. She might not have the biggest control over her powers, but she has excitement, adoration, passion for them, and she is ready, eager to learn.

Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen steps.

She stops in front of them, sends them what she hopes is a confident smile, and she knows, without any question or doubt, that this moment will define the next few years of her life.

;; [ connections ]

Older Brother You Haven’t Seen For Ten Years: Ettinger Mentor

Cluster Members: The Scout, The Informer, The Orchestrator

Cluster Mentor: Legrand Mentor

New Releases 7/24/27

Happy New Release Day!

In Books --The Backstagers volume 1 by James Tynion IV and illustrated by Rian Sygh “All the world’s a stage...but what happens behind the curtain is pure magic literally! When Jory transfers to an all-boys private high school, he is taken in by the only ones who don’t treat him like a new kid, the lowly stage crew known as the Backstagers. Not only does he gain great, lifetime friends, Jory is also introduced to an entire magical world that lives beyond the curtain. With the unpredictable twists and turns of the underground world, the Backstagers venture into the unknown, determined to put together the best play their high school has ever seen.”

I love everything about this. I hope it’ll be as good as it sounds. I mean, a magical boy band. Or at least a boy band that will travel to a magical world. What’s not to like.

--Daughter of the Burning City by Amanda Foody The Gomorrah Festival is a traveling carnival of debauchery, catering to the strangest of dreams and desires. Sorina has spent most of her life on the borders of the festival as an illusion-worker, the only one to be born in hundreds of years. She creates illusions that you can see, feel and touch, that even have personalities. Sorina’s creations are like her family even though she knows that they are not truly real. At least until one of them is murdered. Desperate to save her family Sorina will venture into the most sinister corners of the Festival to unravel the horrifying truth.

I started thinking about Cirque de Freak by Darren Shan the moment I read the description. Purely because of a creepy carnival. I’ve never read that series by him but I have read a few books of his series The Demonata. 

I’m really enjoying Sorina’s illusion powers. I like how she can make them touchable. I’m already debating if she might somehow be summoning her ancestors, maybe even pulling people from other dimensions, or just being so creative that she can create almost anything and make it real. Or even unknowingly putting a bit of herself into each creation, giving them life that they may grow and develop on their own. Either way it sounds like it would be pretty good. I’m curious to see what all powers might reside deeper in the carnival. And just what kind of power is able to kill illusions.

--Descending Stories: Showa Genroku Rakugo Shinju volume 2 by Haruko Kumota Yotaro has been accepted as Yakumo’s apprentice and a member of his household. Taking in this young man forces Yakumo to confront his past and promises that were left unfulfilled. He thinks of his friend and rival, Sukeroku. He remembers growing up in a Japan changing after the war. And of a woman named Miyokichi.

The second volume of the manga that the hit anime of the same name is based on. Although this series is about Yotaro and Konatsu (a woman who would like to perform rakugo but is stopped by her legal guardian; Yakumo, because he believes in the old style that prevents woman from peforming rakugo) learning rakugo and performing. It is also a tale of Yakumo as he confronts his past.

--Fairy Tail volume 61 by Hiro Mashima “The meaning of family. As the most powerful wizards of Fairy Tail face off against the remaining members of The Twelve, their hearts, relationships, and skills will be put to the test. The battle between Erza and Irene reaches an emotional conclusion, Gray shows how far he’s willing to go to save his dearest friends, and the love of a father sparks a shocking revelation from August. As Natsu and Zeref’s showdown approaches, both enemies and friends must ask themselves who their true family is!”

Honestly, I have fallen behind on Fairy Tail. The last volume I read was 54. I’m slowly trying to catch back up. It’s not that I don’t like the series anymore, although I don’t know if I could still call it one of my top current favorites. I had to cut back due to when I left one of my part-time jobs. Although the one I kept had fewer hours, it allowed me to focus on college and my homework more. I don’t really know what is going on currently, except for the fact that it is near the end of the final arc. I want to be all caught up by the time the final volume; 63, comes out. 

--First We Were IV by Alexandra Sirowy “It started for pranks, fun, and forever memories. A secret society - for the four of us. The rules: Never Lie. Never tell. Love each other. We made the pledge and danced under the blood moon on the meteorite in the orchard. In the spot we found the dead girl five years earlier. And discovered the ancient drawings way before that. Nothing could break the four of us apart - I thought. But then, others wanted in. Our seaside town had secrets. History. We wanted revenge. We broke the rules. We lied. We told. We loved each other too much, not enough, and in ways we weren’t supposed to. Our invention ratcheted out of control. What started as a secret society, ended as justice. Revenge. Death. Rebellion.”

The first time I looked this book up, I wasn’t too crazy. Labeled it as a maybe. I don’t know if Goodreads had a different description or if I just liked it more the second time around. It sounds like it could be a pretty good mystery. My guess right now, is that by creating IV they might have gotten the idea from a old group who called themselves the same. And somehow in the process maybe committed some kind of magic ritual that maybe activated some old ghosts from the previous group. I hope it has something to do with an ancient civilization.

--Generation Witch volume 1 by Isaki Uta One percent of the population is made up of witches. Some look up to witches, some envy them. But these abilities can sometimes be more of a curse than a blessing, as any witch knows. Growing up requires a lot of luck and effort for a teenager, so what happens when you throw spirits, magic, and broomsticks into the mix?

I couldn’t really find any information regarding this manga other than the description. It appears to be pretty new. It sounds like a cute coming of age story and it kind of makes me think of Flying Witch; which I have neither seen nor read but I would like to, and Kiki’s Delivery Service. In terms of a young witch trying to learn her craft throughout her day to day life. 

--Strange Practice (paperback) by Vivian Shaw Greta Helsing uses her family’s highly specialized, and highly peculiar, medical practice as a doctor to the undead. Keeping the supernatural community not-alive in London has been the Helsing’s specialty for generations. She treats vocal strain in banshees, arthritis in barrow-wights, and entropy in mummies. It’s a quiet, supernatural-adjacent life Greta’s been groomed into since childhood. Quiet until a group of murderous monks appears, killing human and undead Londoners. It’s up to Greta to use her unusual skills to stop the cult if she hopes to save her practice and her life.

I’m a fan of seeing supernatural creatures just trying to live their lives. Where not all of them are necessarily evil. Some just want to live. I’m gonna point the blame at Inuyasha on this one cause I think that’s the first place I ever ran across the idea of not all monsters are evil. I think. Plus, I just like seeing the twist of a Helsing helping supernatural creatures instead of hunting them.

In Movies --Gifted A story of a man raising his very intelligent niece after her mother died so that she may live an ordinary life. His mother finds out where they live, believes her granddaughter’s talents are being wasted, and tries to gain custody of her. 

It was a really cute story starring Chris Evans. And Mckenna Grace was adorable as Mary. I loved their characters relationship in the film. It was a very touching movie.

--Ghost in the Shell This entry will contain some spoilers at the end about the end of the movie. You have been warned.

The live action adaptation of the amazing manga, anime film, and anime series. On IMDb the description of the live action version is as follows: “In the near future, Major is the first of her kind: A human saved from a terrible crash, who is cyber-enhanced to be a perfect soldier devoted to stopping the world’s most dangerous criminals”

Really just putting this up because I’ll be getting it someday to be able to finish my collection. That’s about it. The effects of this movie were very well done. I really appreciated the fact that there were references to each form of this series. I remember seeing scenes that I know were only in the manga, some scenes that were in the original film, some scenes from S.A.C., and some nods to Arise. I had some issues with what they did to the story. I love GitS. The anime is easily one of my top favorites and I have a lot of respect and love towards Major Motoko Kusanagi. I tried my very best to see the movie as its own universe. Easy enough since each form has been its own universe. But there were just some things here and there that I couldn’t get past. Which I could go into all the details but that should probably be on a post more dedicated to it. But I will mention that I was slightly disappointed that she was not shot in the head at the end. In each other version, that happened at least once. And they ruined my OTP. Due to plot, I gathered that the Major is really aged somewhere between 16 and 18. While Batou looks like he’s in his 30′s. I can’t approve of it. They ruined my ship in this version and for that I will never forgive them.

I Took a Walk for Seven Years

It was August 9, 2009. I was thirty eight years old. My oldest daughter Avis was twelve, and the younger pair, Joanne and John, were nine year old twins. I’d been married for fifteen years. I worked at an insurance firm. And every Sunday, while my wife and Avis went to church and the twins went to my mother’s house, I took a walk.

It was a clockwork sort of arrangement. My wife knew never to push me into going with her, I was an atheist and set on staying that way.

Of course, given what’s happened, my views have changed.

It was just a normal day. Avis gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me to not forget my coat, even if it was an abnormally warm day. I’d say it was maybe sixty five, maybe sixty eight degrees Fahrenheit. My mom picked up the twins. And I started down my walk.

We lived off the beaten path, so to speak. Our road was never busy and most of the area was taken up by farmland. A truck passed me on the road and I waved. I was pretty sure it was Art, although it could’ve been one of his sons on his way to church. Either way, he waved back.

I took a turn to the right onto Hensel. Hensel was a dirt road but it was never travelled except by farmers, and today it was quiet. Good time to collect my thoughts.

Every other time before this, I’d turn back around once I reached Art’s farmhouse, although occasionally his wife would pull me in for lemonade and gossip.

But August 9 would be the day I took the longest walk of my life.

I was passing by the cornfield when I heard laughter. To be more specific, it was a child’s laughter. I paused and looked into the cornfield.

A pair of forest green eyes looked back at me.

The girl looked to be no older than seven, had red hair tied into twin braids, and I assumed she was one of Art’s grandchildren. She smiled broadly.

“Catch me!”

She darted back into the corn and I could hear her giggles slowly fade away.

Normally I would’ve scoffed at going into the field, as I’d have to cross the ditch and I didn’t want to get dirt on my pants. But I felt a little bit of concern, a small child running around the field by herself. So with a jump that I knew my knees would feel in the morning, I jump into the corn field.

Using the sound of her laughter, I started pushing through the corn. The dry leaves scratched at my face and hands, and dust kicked up into my face.

I knew she couldn’t outrun me for long, even if she was a child with boundless energy, I had longer legs.

However, I exited the cornfield in a place I didn’t know.

My house was nowhere to be seen. And there was a light layer of snow covering the ground.

I spun around but the corn was gone, replaced by frosted evergreen trees. The temperature had significantly dropped and I was now thankful that my daughter insisted I bring a coat. I shivered and spun around a few more times, trying to make sense of this dream I’d apparently fallen into and where was that little girl?

“Hey! Mister!”

I finally spun around enough to see her, peering past a branch. She grinned.

“You catch me, I’ll show you the way out!”

That began the chase.

Getting smacked with tree branches was far worse than the corn, the needles tearing at my skin like knives as I pushed past them to find that little girl. Whenever I got lost, I’d hear her laugh. She was having fun. I was not.

The wet snow beneath my feet made it impossible to gain traction, and forget running- I’d slip if I so much as stepped wrong. With every minute I got colder and colder. My teeth chattered so hard my jaw ached.

Then I broke from the treeline into a grassy meadow.

I didn’t expect the change so I ended up toppling over. The grass smelled sweet as honey. A fat bumblebee trundled past my head and landed on a Black Eyed Susan. It was heaven.

But the peace of the meadow was broken by that girl laughing again.

“Awwww, are you already giving up?”

The warm sunlight made her glow, like a tiny angel, but as I stumbled to my feet, I caught something behind those big eyes I hadn’t before.

Malevolence.

She was toying with me and she knew it.

I can’t tell you how many times the environment changed. One minute it’d be across a meadow, then a desert during a sandstorm. I’d have to rely solely on hearing her in places like that. Sometimes we’d be back in the cornfield, and I’d shout for Art to get me out of here but no help ever came. Sometimes we’d be running across barren tundra, where she’d be just out of my grasp.

She wasn’t always a little girl either. Sometimes she was a young teen, with a gap between her teeth and who’d hum sweet tunes. Sometimes she was a ravishing model, with fiery hair and a flirtatious grin. And the times she wasn’t any of those, she was an ancient crone, with a bent back and arthritic hands that clutched to her cane but still managed to hobble away from me.

She called herself Clarice occasionally. Other times it was Lolita, Dixie, Isabella, Hope… I lost count of her names too. A straight answer was impossible. She’d never lie to me though, just avoid answering any of the questions I’d ask her.

So I knew she was my key out of there.

It was in the meadow where I finally got her.

She was a little girl again, and her taunting was beyond cruel this time. She’d stop, pick flowers, and run on before I could grab her. She’d throw the flowers about and sing ridiculous nonsense songs and I knew I couldn’t ever win like this.

So I dropped to the ground.

The little girl stopped.

“Oh, are you really giving up now? You’re sooooo close!”

Nothing. I remained still as I gasped for breath.

I heard her get closer and closer.

“Mister? Are you okay? Do you need a break? You’ve been going on a really loooong time…”

Once I saw her shadow I lunged.

She almost got away but my hand wrapped around her braid and I pulled her back so hard I could’ve snapped her neck. I embraced her in my arms and breathed out, “I got you.”

I’d never felt so successful in my entire life. I’d finally gotten her.

She turned around and smiled sadly.

“Can we play again? We were having fun. You don’t have to go back, we can stay here.”

No way. I was done with this. “Nope. You let me out of here right now or I’m strangling you with your own braids.” A little dramatic, perhaps, but I gripped tighter onto her hair to make clear my point.

She sighed before she kissed my cheek. The same place Avis did before church.

“Okay.”

When I woke up, I was in the middle of the plowed cornfield.

It was spring time, the ground was churned to mud and the water freezing cold. I peeled myself off the ground and began stumbling home.

It was then I noticed how tired I truly was. My mouth was parched as the deserts I ran through. My body was stiff and ached like I’d run a thousand miles, and there was a chance I had. I had one goal in mind though, and that was home. I could finally go home.

Despite tripping through the mud a dozen times, I caught sight of my house and immediately began to cry. Barely able to move, I just pointed myself to the backyard. My wife should be home about now. She’d see me and come to my aid.

Two teenage boys were on the back porch, one was smoking while the other was playing on his phone. I couldn’t recognize either of them. Had my family moved? I raised my hand and attempted to speak, but it came out as a raspy moan.

Both boys jumped out of their skin, the one smoking dropping his cigarette and they backed off. The shorter one raised a hand. “Sir, you’re gonna have to...” He trailed off and his eyes widened.

The eyes that looked exactly like my wife’s.

“… Dad?!”

I passed out on the ground, just a few steps from the back door.

I woke up in the hospital. I’d been cleaned up, had an IV running into my arm, and a woman was sitting next to my bed. Fast asleep. With a tattoo of a bird on her neck. A sparrow, to be exact.

Avis always loved her sparrows.

I’d been gone for a little over seven years. When I didn’t return from my walk, my wife reported me missing. At first law enforcement assumed I’d just ran off with another woman, but when that line of investigation went dry, they realized I’d been the victim of foul play.

Search parties were made. People were questioned. No one was imprisoned. They never found me. And life marched on.

Art apparently died about a year after I went missing. Stroke. The farm went to his sons, who ended up selling the whole property to another family. A family who stayed oblivious to the fact that was the place I was last spotted.

The boys on the back porch were in fact my boys. I just hadn’t been around when Joanne announced he was now James, at the age of thirteen. I wish I could’ve been there to help him become a man.

I apparently had a good replacement though.

After four years and it looked like I was gone for good, my wife met someone new. His name’s Clark. They’d gotten married six months after they met. Clark was a real outdoorsman, hunter, fisherman, and loved to go camping. As I chased a fairy child through her playground, he was taking James and John out on trips every weekend and putting away money to help James afford his surgeries and the like. Clark had two kids of his own, and I was soon a memory in this house. They could survive without me.

Avis was the only one who hadn’t given up on me. She pursued every lead. Every dead end. Every chance that I could be there, she was chasing it. Stubborn girl. My girl. But she’d grown from a girl to a woman since I’d been gone, and it was like talking to a stranger. A strange who had my chin and nose, but a stranger nonetheless.

My wife did want to help me adjust though, and kindly offered the guest bedroom for me while I recovered. I’d apparently been through hell, bones were broken and healed, muscles torn and strained beyond their limits. I was malnourished and could barely stand without my walker, and I just had nowhere to go.

It was not a place I could stay though.

Clark’s kids looked at me like I was some bogeyman that lived down the hall. Clark and I tried to be polite to each other but things became tense as my now ex-wife was struggling whether or not she should officially put down on paper who she would divorce.

I was just in the way.

But the little girl wasn’t gone.

Nightly I’d see her outside my window. She’d peer in, with those big eyes, and mouth the words,

“Come with me.”

I’ve told my wife I’m just going out for a walk.

26th May >> Fr. Martin’s Gospel Reflections / Homilies on Mark 10:32-45 for Wednesday, Eighth Week in Ordinary Time: ‘Can you drink the cup that I must drink?’.

Wednesday, Eighth Week in Ordinary Time

Gospel (Except USA)

Mark 10:32-45

The Son of Man came to give his life as a ransom for many.

The disciples were on the road, going up to Jerusalem; Jesus was walking on ahead of them; they were in a daze, and those who followed were apprehensive. Once more taking the Twelve aside he began to tell them what was going to happen to him: ‘Now we are going up to Jerusalem, and the Son of Man is about to be handed over to the chief priests and the scribes. They will condemn him to death and will hand him over to the pagans, who will mock him and spit at him and scourge him and put him to death; and after three days he will rise again.’

   James and John, the sons of Zebedee, approached him. ‘Master,’ they said to him ‘we want you to do us a favour.’ He said to them, ‘What is it you want me to do for you?’ They said to him, ‘Allow us to sit one at your right hand and the other at your left in your glory.’ ‘You do not know what you are asking’ Jesus said to them. ‘Can you drink the cup that I must drink, or be baptised with the baptism with which I must be baptised?’ They replied, ‘We can.’ Jesus said to them, ‘The cup that I must drink you shall drink, and with the baptism with which I must be baptised you shall be baptised, but as for seats at my right hand or my left, these are not mine to grant; they belong to those to whom they have been allotted.’

   When the other ten heard this they began to feel indignant with James and John, so Jesus called them to him and said to them, ‘You know that among the pagans their so-called rulers lord it over them, and their great men make their authority felt. This is not to happen among you. No; anyone who wants to become great among you must be your servant, and anyone who wants to be first among you must be slave to all. For the Son of Man himself did not come to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.’

Gospel (USA)

Mark 10:32-45

Behold, we are going up to Jerusalem and the Son of Man will be handed over.

The disciples were on the way, going up to Jerusalem, and Jesus went ahead of them. They were amazed, and those who followed were afraid. Taking the Twelve aside again, he began to tell them what was going to happen to him. “Behold, we are going up to Jerusalem, and the Son of Man will be handed over to the chief priests and the scribes, and they will condemn him to death and hand him over to the Gentiles who will mock him, spit upon him, scourge him, and put him to death, but after three days he will rise.” Then James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came to Jesus and said to him, ‘Teacher, we want you to do for us whatever we ask of you.” He replied, ‘What do you wish me to do for you?” They answered him, “Grant that in your glory we may sit one at your right and the other at your left.” Jesus said to them, “You do not know what you are asking. Can you drink the chalice that I drink or be baptized with the baptism with which I am baptized?” They said to him, ‘We can.” Jesus said to them, “The chalice that I drink, you will drink, and with the baptism with which I am baptized, you will be baptized; but to sit at my right or at my left is not mine to give but is for those for whom it has been prepared.” When the ten heard this, they became indignant at James and John. Jesus summoned them and said to them, “You know that those who are recognized as rulers over the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones make their authority over them felt. But it shall not be so among you. Rather, whoever wishes to be great among you will be your servant; whoever wishes to be first among you will be the slave of all. For the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Reflections (6)

(i) Wednesday, Eighth Week in Ordinary Time

Sometimes when someone speaks to us about a matter we find difficult to deal with, we can be tempted to move the conversation onto an easier topic. Today’s gospel reading seems to reflect that situation. Jesus was letting his disciples know that in the city of Jerusalem towards which they were journeying he would be condemned and put to death. It had already been said by the evangelist that the disciples were apprehensive as they travelled with Jesus to Jerusalem. What Jesus said could only have made them more apprehensive. Two of the disciples, James and John, immediately strike a very different note to the one Jesus had just struck. They ask him for places of honour when Jesus enters his glory. Jesus had spoken of the cross and shame, and they immediately speak of glory and greatness. He has to bring them back to the painful reality of what lies ahead with the question, ‘Can you drink the cup that I must drink or be baptized with the baptism with which I must be baptized?’ Jesus will drink the cup of suffering, not because he is in love with suffering, but because suffering will be the inevitable outcome of his life of loving service of all. As he says of himself at the end of the gospel reading, he is the Son of Man who came not to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for all. His loving service of us all was a service unto death. Jesus goes on to teach his disciples that within the circle of his followers glory and greatness consist in self-emptying service of others. The Lord wants to continue his mission of loving service of others through each one of us. Whenever we give of ourselves in some way in the service of others, we are making present in the world the Lord’s self-emptying love and we will be considered great in the eyes of the Lord.

And/Or

(ii) Wednesday, Eighth week in Ordinary Time

Jesus asks many questions in the course of the four gospels, and one of the most significant is to be found in this morning’s gospel reading, ‘What is it you want me to do for you?’ Jesus addresses this question to James and John, the sons of Zebedee. In the very next passage of Mark’s gospel, he addresses the same question to the blind man, Bartimaeus, in Jericho. It is a question that invites us to express what it is we most want. It is a question that draws out of us what our values are, what our priorities are. What James and John wanted was the most prominent positions in God’s kingdom; they were seeking after status and honour. Jesus could not grant their request because the values expressed by their request were not the values of Jesus. Their prayer of petition was not in the spirit of Jesus and so, it could not be responded to. We need to pray, to petition, in the spirit of Jesus. Our prayers of petition need to be in tune with the prayers of the Holy Spirit deep within us. We need to pray in Jesus’ name. Only then can our prayers be heard.

 And/Or

(iii) Wednesday, Eighth week in Ordinary Time

In this morning’s gospel reading, we find one of several clashes between Jesus and his disciples in Mark’s gospel, as they make their way to Jerusalem, the city where Jesus will be crucified. Jesus and his disciples are clearly on different wavelengths. The difference between them finds expression in the very different questions they ask of each other. The question the two disciples, James and John, ask Jesus focuses on glory, honour, status. The question that Jesus asks James and John focuses on the experience of rejection and suffering that he has to face into, ‘Can you drink the cup that I must drink, or be baptized with the baptism with which I must be baptized?’ Jesus was referring to the cup of suffering and the baptism of fire. The question of James and John showed their interest in self-promotion. The question of Jesus showed his interest in self-giving. At the heart of being his disciple is self-giving love, becoming the servant of others, and this will often mean taking the way of the cross, as Jesus knew from his own experience. James and John, and all of us, are being called to follow the one who did not come to be served but to serve, whose purpose in life was not to promote himself but to empty himself for others. It is only in following this way that we will receive that share in Jesus’ glory that was the focus of James and John’s request.

 And/Or

(iv) Wednesday, Eighth Week in Ordinary Time

In yesterday’s gospel reading, Peter asked Jesus a question. In this morning’s gospel reading, two of Peter’s companions, James and John, the sons of Zebedee, make a request of Jesus, ‘allow us to sit one at your right hand and the other at your left hand in your glory’. They were after the best seats in the kingdom of heaven; nothing less would do. You would have to say that there was a fair degree of self-interest in their request. As a result, it was a request that Jesus could not answer. Our prayers can only be answered to the extent that they are in keeping with God’s purpose for our lives and in harmony with the values of God’s kingdom. To be genuine our prayer has to be a prayer that Jesus himself could identify with. The question that Jesus asked James and John points in the direction of the prayer that they should have made, ‘Can you drink the cup that I must drink, or be baptized with the baptism with which I must be baptized?’ Jesus was really asking them, ‘Can you follow me even if it means the cross for you?’ The Lord asks that question of all of us, and the prayer which that question inspires in us is the prayer which asks God to keep us faithful to his Son, even when it costs us a great deal. It is the final two petitions of the Lord’s prayer.

 And/Or

(v) Wednesday, Eighth Week in Ordinary Time

People make requests of Jesus in the gospels. If the request is for healing of some kind, he always responds. However, if the request is tainted with self-interest he doesn’t respond. In the gospel reading this morning two of the disciples make a request of Jesus to which he does not respond. There was certainly an element of self-interest in the request of James and John; they wanted the best seats in Jesus’ kingdom. Our own requests of the Lord have to be purified of self-interest if he is to respond to them. If we ask something of the Lord for ourselves it needs always to be with a view to others. Our asking has to be in the service of the Lord’s work in the world. Towards the end of the gospel reading Jesus defines greatest in God’s kingdom in terms of service of others, ‘Anyone who wants to become great among you must be your servant’. Jesus points to himself as the model servant, declaring that he came not to be served, which is what James and John wanted, but to serve. His service of others involved a painful self-emptying, as all service in his name will often involve. That is why in response to the self-serving question of James and John Jesus asks them a question which points in the direction of self-emptying service, ‘Can you drink the cup I must drink, or be baptized with the baptism with which I must be baptized?’ There is an implicit reference to both Eucharist and baptism in Jesus’ question. Every time we drink the cup of the Lord at the Eucharist we are saying ‘yes’ to our baptismal calling to share in the Lord’s work of giving of ourselves in the service of others.

 And/Or

(vi) Wednesday, Eighth Week in Ordinary Time

There are times in the gospels when Jesus seems aware that he is calling his disciples to a way of life that is out of sync with the culture around them. Today’s gospel reading is a good example of this awareness of Jesus. He looks out at the pagan world of his day and he sees how the rulers and those in authority govern. He says that they lord it over their subjects and make their authority felt. He then very pointedly says to his disciples, ‘this is not to happen among you’. He had noticed that his disciples were speaking and behaving in ways that reflected the world’s understanding of authority as conferring status and power. James and John had just been looking for the places of honour in Jesus’ kingdom; the other disciples became indignant with James and John, thinking perhaps that they had stolen a march on them. Jesus did not want his community of disciples to learn the ways of the world when it came to exercising authority. ‘This is not to happen among you’. Unfortunately, this strong admonition of Jesus has not always been heeded by the church in the course of its history. Jesus understands authority purely in terms of service, ‘anyone who wants to become great among you must be your servant’. This was Jesus’ teaching, but, even more so, this was Jesus’ way of life, ‘the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life’. Jesus embodied the authority of self-emptying service of others, especially of the most vulnerable. He declares in today’s gospel reading that this is the only exercise of authority that is valid for his followers.

Fr. Martin Hogan.

Detective Comics #952

The Bat Gang versus an army of Talons! I mean shadow ninjas!

Are we really still a society that is fascinated with giant apes? I feel like the 20th Century was America going through its twelve year old boy phase. We were into rockets and giant monsters crushing cities. The seventies and eighties were the discovery of boner magazines. The nineties were like a full decade spent hyped up on sugared cereal while watching Saturday morning cartoons. And then we hit the 21st Century and things had to change. Nobody wants to keep on being a twelve year old boy forever. But we were totally into playing soldier at that time, so we couldn't change yet! Just one more decade, mom! I felt like maybe we were growing once Obama became president (well, some of us. One particular ideological political group insists on remaining twelve year old boys. It sucks they're in charge now). I thought maybe we were going to mature into a woman that just turned twenty-one. Oh, sure! There are some issues that go along with that too! But at least we wouldn't be obsessed with boobies and monsters and war and giant apes, right?

Ugh.

I really don't get the fucking appeal of King Kong. Maybe Hollywood really is just a seer's crystal ball spamming portents of the future into the minds of the masses. This is just proof that the twelve year old boys are back in control and we're all fucked. This reminds me. I should probably send out letters of apology to everybody who knew me when I was twelve. I don't know how I wasn't just slapped across the face constantly. Yesterday, I experienced two moments that brought me unbridled joy. I heard Ookla the Mok's song "Viewmaster" for the first time. And then while walking back from the store (where I'd heard the song on my Shuffle), I watched as three crows followed the mailman from house to house to house down the block. I fucking love crows. But because they're birds, I often forget and leave them out in my lists of favorite animals. I usually just say cats, goats, and raccoons. Poor little corvids always get left out. The Review! For any fangenders wondering how powerful the League of Shadows are, they can stop wondering because James Tynion IV opens this comic with proof of how bad-ass they are. Not that it was needed. If you're a comic book reader, you know how it works. The current threat is always the most dangerous threat ever to be faced ever and will only be out-threated by next month's threat. It's why comic book story lines have escalated into this untenable place where every fucking conflict has the fate of all reality at stake. Okay, maybe it's not always that great. I mean, this is a Batman comic book so things need to remain a little more at street level. What Tynion does to prove the League of Shadows are a threat like no other the Batman has ever faced (aside from the Court of Owls but you should forget about them because they were New 52 and this is Rebirth and, anyway, they're nothing at all like the League of Shadows!) is to have Ra's al Ghul track down Shiva and practically beg her to keep her League from killing his League. But she's all, "No way, French name that rhymes with Jose because we're in France!" So Ra's attacks her with a small army. Now, you might be thinking, "Whoa! That is bad-ass! Even Ra's's League of Assassins can't beat the League of Shadows!" But if you are, you've jumped the gun! Because that isn't the part that proves how dangerous Shiva's League is. It's the page after the small army attacks Shiva!

Holy shit! She defeated the small army in ten seconds! Whoa!

Oh, also, Cassie is Shiva's daughter. I'm not sure if we were already supposed to know that or not. It's news to me! But then the story could point out that Tim Drake died recently and I'd be all, "Oh? Did he? I really wasn't wondering at all or caring about where he got off to." Back to the present where the Bat Gang have been ambushed by League of Shadows Sleeper Agents, Tynion reminds everybody that Cassie Cain is the baddest ass motherfucking bad ass ever ever. Even badder assier than Shiva (whom, if you remember from a few seconds ago, he just showed was a complete bad ass!). I'm using the phrase "bad ass" so much that I might be overdoing it. I'm certainly not being consistent with it being hyphenated or not. Cassie defeats most of the Sleeper Agents in one panel. She also knows that she's being watched. People know that's not a thing, right? You can't actually feel being watched. You can notice out of the periphery of your vision that it looks like somebody is staring at you but that's not the feeling of being watched. That's noticing somebody is fucking watching you. The "feeling of being watched" is a feeling that exists not because somebody is watching you but because you're fucking paranoid. And if you look up and around and make eye contact with somebody (who noticed you looking around and so glanced over), you feel vindicated in your paranoid feeling. Oh, but this is comic books! In comic books, you can totally feel you're being watched otherwise heroes often wouldn't be able to advance the plot. They'd just beat up all of these Sleeper Agents, dust off their hands, and say, "Well! That's that! Good work, everybody! Let's end this adventure and go home." Then the reader would be all, "Why is this comic book seventeen pages of ads?" Cassie might be doing okay because she's the best that ever was, having been born and bread into killing. But the rest of the Bat Gang are having trouble, what with being stabbed in the back and in the front even.

Don't worry! None of these people will die from these wounds! Although if they do, not Batman's fault! They should have found better doctors. And even if the medical bills bankrupt them and the only way to continue to exist is to continue a life of crime and they die trying to get out from under their medical bills by any means, still not Batman's fault. And it's not like it's Batman's fault if they die from an infection since he sterilizes all of his batarangs before sticking them into the chests of criminals. If they die from an infection, it's their own fault for wearing grimy clothing.

While Clayface turns into a bunch of Clayfaces to defeat the League of Shadow Ninja Sleeper Agents, Cassandra Cain sneaks up on Shiva. That's another bit to bolster Cassandra's reputation. But just in case the reader is too dumb to understand what it means (being that the reader is a comic book reader and probably of below average intelligence), Shiva says, "Nobody sneaks up on me." I don't think she means that in an offended way like "How dare you sneak up on me?!" I think she means it literally. Shiva and Cassie fight for a bit until Shiva grabs her by the throat and does that thing where a comic book character mentions something they shouldn't know about but obviously do because they're so remarkable. Shiva is all, "I know you see the hits!" Meaning she knows how every time the reader sees an assailant from Cassie's perspective, they have little hit boxes around their most vulnerable places. So Shiva is all, "I know you see the hits!" As opposed to just saying something like, "You aren't hitting me in places that would actually hurt and possibly kill me. Why are you holding back?" No. She says, "I know you see the hits. You see each of them, don't you?" Because that's the way Cassie's vision is shown to explain it to readers, Shiva expresses it in the same way. Whatever. What do I care?! This is the kind of thing that is written in a way that completely annoys me at the most superficial level. But it's the type of thing that, when you complain about it, fangenders will argue around the actual thing being said to explain how it makes sense. Like I just did. We allow it because we understand the bottom line. We understand what is meant by this. Shiva fights Cassie and realizes Cassie is holding back. But I don't care that we, as readers, can become lawyers for the writing so that we ultimately understand it. I still think the writing shouldn't be a fucking barrier to me enjoying the comic. But never mind all that! That's hardly a complaint at all, really! My real complain is that this is another fucking comic book dealing with killing versus not killing. I'm so sick of that philosophical debate being the backbone for so many fucking stories. It's practically 90% of the television show Arrow (the other 10% is Oliver fucking every female character on the show because why else would a female be part of his world if he wasn't fucking her?). It keeps cropping up in The Flash TV show too, even though Barry is the least likely person in the DC Universe to kill somebody. He's such a putz! And the stink of the constant and never ending philosophical debate is all over nearly every comic book in the DC Universe. Now we've got Cassie Cain trying not to kill anymore (mostly because she feels bad about killing Spoiler's mom and because Batman won't ever hug her again if she kills) but her mother, Shiva, is all, "You're pathetic! Killing is the best!" Anyway, I guess I get to read more of this shit in this Court of Owls story. I mean League of Shadows story! Batman comes to the rescue after Shiva gives Cassie the Five Fingers of Death (which isn't as sexy and incestuous as you're definitely thinking it is). It's a move that gives Cassie thirty seconds before she dies. I know that move! I also know a move which gives the victim one week before they die but I need a VHS tape to pull that one off.

This is another great way to make a character more powerful than the reader remembers. Just pretend they always lost on purpose in the past. Now Shiva is suddenly Batman's greatest foe and he didn't even know it! Surprise!

Shiva tells Batman she could kill him but she doesn't because she must be weak. I thought killing was good, Shiva! Later, when you think back on how Batman kicked your ass and destroyed your League of Shadows, you're going to regret not killing him! Just like superheroes constantly regret not killing villains and then I have to read another fucking story about whether or not they should kill! If you're into killing, you should fucking kill, dum-dum. When the League of Shadows disappears in the proverbial smoke bomb, Batwing and Azrael go with them. Oh darn. Too bad. I'm so upset. Could you tell by my punctuation and short, terse sentences that I wasn't really upset at all?! Oh, meanwhile? The Gotham City Police want Batman's head for the murder of Mayor Hady. So that's another cliché Tynion is forcing down my throat. No, I say, no! I don't want this! I don't consent to another story about how a hero is framed and turned into the enemy because the police are ignorant barbarians who are easily manipulated into hate and violence. We have enough of that in the real world. Later, Cassie gets a hug from Batman. That should make everything better. The Ranking! -1! Too many clichés for my tastes. And I generally love them!