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the-poets-might-disagree · 2 months

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how Denis Villeneuve built Paul and Chani's love story in Dune Part Two – from beginning to end

In their first romantic scene together Chani goes after Paul into the desert because she knows he won’t last on his own. By this point in time she already starts to fear for him- she knows he is brave and a good fighter, but she also knows it’s not enough. „You sandwalk like a drunk lizard!” We see her teaching him the sandwalk. This is when their melody is first played in the movie, this time it's quiet yet, merely an introduction. He is proud enough to say he knows how to sandwalk, but wise enough to admit he has a lot to learn from her. So he listens.

And listens and listens, earning her trust little by little. „You know I’m the only one who believes you’re gonna make it ’till the summer”. There is a scene here when you can’t even hear what she is saying. Instead it’s their melody playing still, while we see Paul’s (all smitten) face watching her, just explaining things to him.

Second important scene is when during the first fight, Chani’s life is in danger, and Paul jumps on her without a doubt in a split second, to protect her life with his own. They share a quick meaningful look before they get up from the ground. There are no questions left in her after this.

Third. In the tent after he was named Usul and Muad’Dib. Paul speaks chakobsa, with a proud look written on his face, and there are many people present, but it's all for her. He wants to be one of her people so badly, he does everything he can. And it's working, Chani is watching him speak as if he invented it. When Stilgar invites Paul to join him, he looks at her. Chani is nodding and so he gets up. It’s always her approval he is looking for. Everyone is hugging Paul and it’s Chani’s turn. We see their faces slowly touching, her lingering there for a moment.

The fourth one is when she gives in. We see them sitting together, watching the sunset. Her telling him about her name in the prophecy. „Your blood comes from dukes and great houses. We are not like that. Here, we are equal.” „I’d very much like to be equal to you.” She is smiling back at him „Maybe I’ll show you the way.”. Their first kiss- the melody returns for the second time. A little later she is shown leaning on him, literally. He has earned not only her trust, but her love, too.

This is when his nightmares start to kick in. He knows he can’t go south. At this point she starts to wear blue, which in the fremen culture (in the books) means a woman is pregnant – was changed in the movie to be the symbol of being in love or being taken.

We see their only love making scene. They are just laying there on each other, but she cannot turn her thoughts off. „There will be trouble.” „What are you talking about?” „The way they are looking at you. They worship you now.” She fears what is to come for him, but he reassures her. „I’m no messiah”. She then warms him about the stories his mother is spreading. During this scene their melody returns for the third time, programming our ears and brains to connect it to their intimacy and bond.

When Gurney appears, Chani thinks he is not to be trusted. Paul says "he is family" and as soon as he does she gets up to help him. It's the small things that tell you at this point that she will do anything for him, as long as it is the right thing to do.

Paul telling her about the Atreides atomic arsenal in the tent. How it could change everything. This is when we first see him being slightly intrigued by power. "You promised me you didn't want power". Paul switching it back on her with "no matter what I do, you still don't trust me". He is offended and tells her that he is fighting for her people, no matter what.

When they visit the arsenal you can see how scared she is. Paul is confused, but proud of his legacy- even if it is one that is big enough to destroy their planet. Their differences keep growing. He keeps having nightmares about losing her.

The final conflict in him is people pressuring him to go south, but he says he cannot, because he is afraid of the fundamentalists. Chani is the moral compass still, and she emphasizes he is right to be afraid of them.

"The world has made choices for us." Sounds like the beginning of a goodbye. We watch their last intimate scene together before it all changes irreversibly. "If I go south, I might lose you." "You will never lose me, not as long as you stay who you are". Tears rolling down his face. He knows already how much he is about to give up. She has no idea. "I will do what must be done". We see their goodbye kiss.

He drinks the water of life. She is furious but she runs to his rescue. She refuses to do so, but compelled by the voice, she saves his life- as it was written in the prophecy. When he wakes up she makes sure first that he is feeling well, then she slaps him and leaves. He emerges with a facial expression that is pure evil. At this point we know he is innocent no more and has switched to his dark side, the one that gives into power.

"She'll come to understand. I've seen it." He is so sure he can do whatever, and he'll still have her by his side... But when he arrives to speak at the gathering, Chani is the only one who doesn't kneel in front of him. He is still her equal in her head.

"I'm pointing the way!" as he shouts we can also see a switch in her. He's losing her. She's not looking at him lovingly at all anymore as she realizes it's her worst fear becoming reality in front of her eyes, and he is not the person she fell in love with anymore. She's angry, she loses hope, she's disappointed. Is about to give up on him.

When they go into battle, she still wears the blue scarf, not on her head anymore but on her arm. Still there with her, but barely.

The final scene. Everyone's gathering. He orders Gourney to bring the prisoners and then stops for one last moment before it's all about to go down. He looks behind his back. Chani's standing there, keep looking at him while he is about to walk up to her. Her facial expressions are childlike, showing how devastated and afraid she is, but she says "this isn't over yet" as if she was still hanging onto something. "I want you to know..." he says but he is looking at the ground, afraid to look her in the eye "...I will love you as long as I breathe". They lock eyes. It's his final moment to confess his everlasting love for her. Pain is written in his eyes. He knows it is goodbye, but she still has no idea what's about to happen. She sighs and swallows, furrowing her brows. No answer.

The prisoners arrive. Chani lifts her head up, trying to collect herself and stand proud. When he tells the emperor he is about to take his daughter's hand in marriage, we see Chani's face immediately. Her jaw drops. When he says "we will rule together", she is literally breathless, her eyes darting. She bites her lip before she looks up in disbelief. Straightening her pose once again, wanting to maintain her dignity.

Before Paul and Feyd-Rautha start their fight, Paul sneaks one last look at her to gather his strength. The music stops. We can only hear the knives and breaths during the fight. When he's on the ground, he can't help himself and looks for her. "She's your pet?" asks Feyd-Rautha. Chani shakes her head, visibly disgusted. Feyd-Rautha starts walking towards her, so Paul gets up immediately. This is when he knows he is going to end this man. But he gets stabbed and looks for her with fear in his eyes. Chani holds her breath in disbelief and her eyes widen.

He can barely breathe anymore, but he wins the fight. Chani is relieved, and gasps for air herself. Paul turns back to her, before he talks to the emperor. Her face lights up, showing how special he makes her feel in this exact moment, but in a second, her gestures return to the childlike frown that shows how betrayed she feels. Paul demands the emperor to kiss his father's ring. He does, the music starts again and the whole room gets on their knees.

Princess Irulan, Paul and Chani are the only ones left standing in the room. We hear their melody return, and build into something that is a lot bigger than them, and it's meant to break our hearts with the bittersweet sound. It was all about them leading up to this moment, and now they are no more. Irulan takes a look at the two of them, and realizes it all. Chani is shattered. Paul is not facing the Princess, but watches Chani leave (this is the last scene she is wearing blue), refusing to be a fool like everyone else. He shuts his eyes. He's never been in this much pain before, but he cannot show it. With her, Paul's last pieces of humanity leave, too.

#ive come a long way since ive called their love bs #this post took me bawling my eyes out four different times at the movies at the final scene #dune #dune part two #chani x paul #paul x chani #denis villeneuve #paul atreides #chani kynes #mine

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vexingwoman · 2 months

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Uh not actually here to hate but to say thanks???? Ive been thinking alot on my self expression and trying to figure out how to word it, and seeing some of your comments with other people really helped to put in perspective what I was trying to come to terms with. Ive always struggled with my gender but acknowledge fully that I'm biologically female. (Stay with me here till the end please i know lol) I genuinely dont care what pronouns I'm called either and none have ever felt right if I'm honest and nothing I've read or tried has been adding up for me over the years to help me feel any better.

Kinda realizing over the past year or so that I just have this deep ingrained idea from being surrounded constantly my whole life in a woman hating environment that I just have a *really* heavily masked hatred for what general society treats women as and was trying to remove myself from it hoping itd somehow save me from the terrible shit we all go through daily. And it just made me feel even more alienated doing that to myself. Its been a long time of coming around to this and I know how it sounds but I dont wanna consider any of my time wasted. I dont remember what it was but something you said to someone in a long ass comment fight clicked for me and rn I'm sleep deprived and wont even remember what it was in the morning either but I feel like some kind of weight has been eased off me. Im doing my best to unlearn the sexist misogynistic bs ive had shoved down my throat my whole life that made me think being a woman was something to be shameful of and better off without.

Its been hard trying to look into this radfem community and find someone who didn't immediately just insult and exclude ppl that werent already on the ball agreeing. Basically I appreciate your ranting with strangers. Amd indulging some of their curiousity as clearly as you can+defining everything you say constantly so I dont get lost in a whirlwind of hard to understand metaphors. Idk you get it. Something clicked and i dont feel ashamed for the time gone bc I know it was heavily influenced by the oppression of all things normal-human-womanly around me. I hate that we're all so tied into these stereotypes. Its painfully hard to unlearn. Thanks for the help. Have a fat block of text as thanks cause I'm not sure how to sound as genuine as I feel rn. Have a nice day and an even better tomorrow. Im gonna get some sleep now💀(stayed up WAY too late painting lol) bye!

This is so wonderful to hear. I know how dreadful it is doing serious introspection and making yourself aware of how deeply and unconsciously your internalized sexism runs. I’ve been there, and I know it’s even more difficult to deconstruct the subtle sexist attitudes which have been ingrained into to us since birth. Often it seems as hopeless as chasing smoke, because some of our internalized sexism is so deep that it’s invisible, and worse, inarticulable.

Some women will never think on these subjects beyond their surface level—will never dissect their preferences, will never concede that their choices are influenced by sex-based socialization, will never seriously reflect on why they are so desperate to identify out of womanhood. And in a strange way, I sympathize with these women, because I understand that it’s easier to shut your eyes and convince yourself that you were born in the wrong body than it is to open your eyes and acknowledge how much sexism has seeped into and corrupted our own minds.

Basically, I’m proud of you for putting yourself through the pain of deconstructing your own internalized sexism. You are better for even attempting it, and I hope you continue to do so.

P.S. I know exactly which long-ass comment fight you’re referring to, because I only put myself through that once. At least someone benefited from the literal month I spent arguing with that stranger. They blocked me, so unfortunately I can’t even go back and analyze the conversation if I ever wanted to. I would love to know what you took away from it, if you ever do remember.

#terfblr #radical feminism #terfsafe #radblr #gender critical #radical feminist safe #misogny #sexism #trans logic #gender abolition #answered asks

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pesterloglog · 5 months

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Dave Strider, John Egbert, Jade Harley

Act 6, page 6302-6323

DAVE: so weird being back here

DAVE: cant believe how long ago it feels since i lived in this place

DAVE: spent way too long wallowing in our own filth on that gnarly meteor thats for sure

DAVE: this doesnt even seem like my room anymore

DAVE: its like trespassing or something like im horning in on somebody elses life

DAVE: a life lived most sweetly though i will admit

DAVE: ahahaha the fuckin toilets still there

DAVE: i remember when jade put that there that is perhaps like my favorite memory

DAVE: wish jade wasnt crazy just makes me remember how much i miss not crazy jade

DAVE: or less crazy jade

DAVE: wait

DAVE: didnt karkat once say terezi ripped a troll toilet out of his house

DAVE: what is with girls and their universally constant tendency to rip out plumbing fixtures

DAVE: did i just accidentally crack another cosmic riddle or

DAVE: i gotta txt him and get confirmation on this asap

DAVE: actually nah

DAVE: i probably harangued the poor guy with enough of my bs the last few years

DAVE: ill just keep shufflin thru memory lane making wistful observations out loud

DAVE: you know it kinda chaps my bulge that people rip on me for talking to myself

DAVE: its like the most perfectly natural thing to do

DAVE: why are people so up tight about keepin a lid on their monologues what a bunch of stuffy pricks

DAVE: ive always found the sound of my own voice to be mysteriously soothing

DAVE: haha talk about an embarrassing sentence to say in earshot of an actual person

DAVE: well maybe not the mayor

DAVE: you can always tell the mayor anything <3

DAVE: hahaha this piece of shit is still here too

DAVE: didnt we use this thing like ONCE

DAVE: what a useless pile of trash in hindsight

DAVE: sometimes i think this game was designed by an idiot

DAVE: wasnt it called like

DAVE: the laserbeam intellivision or something

DAVE: id throw it in the lava but that would be a waste of melting

DAVE: oh yeah

DAVE: almost forgot about my ill beats from the past

DAVE: i wonder if theyre as ill as i remember

DAVE: ok i just pushed some buttons and verified they remain as ill as the day they were dropped

DAVE: ill have to send them to karkat he has always been an enthusiastic patron of my exceptional science

DAVE: i mean sure he says it sucks and maybe he even believes that on some pathetic sub intellectual plane of consciousness which gross philistines operate on their whole lives

DAVE: but whenever he gets a load of my hype

DAVE: i see him there

DAVE: tapping his foot ever so slightly

DAVE: i see him

DAVE: this poster...

DAVE: love this poster

DAVE: its like an old friend

DAVE: never even knew who these guys were or what their deal was

DAVE: never gave it much thought i guess

DAVE: doubt ill ever find out at this point

DAVE: oh well

DAVE: some things i guess were never meant to be figured out

DAVE: or benefit from any kind of elaboration

DAVE: not even years later

DAVE: just the way it is sometimes

DAVE: its like ive said before

DAVE: this poster is a hell of a mystery

DAVE: that i never even thought was a mystery

DAVE: and it would be pretty cool if somebody solved it

DAVE: but damn if thats ever gonna happen

DAVE: so thats a shame

DAVE: aw hell its my old dead things collection

DAVE: what a stupid blast from the past

DAVE: i seriously cannot remember if i was sincere with this shit

DAVE: i was probably trying to flex my underdeveloped irony muscles

DAVE: like the shrimpiest kid at the hipster gym

DAVE: why does my childhood room have to be such a predictable museum of embarrassments

DAVE: i dont know

DAVE: some of these things are kind of cool actually

DAVE: like from a standpoint of objective reevaluation afforded by the sobering maturity that comes with being literally 100% grown up now

DAVE: dead things are actually pretty rad

DAVE: i feel like if i was legitmately into all this then more should have come of the interest

DAVE: like there could have been like

DAVE: entire CONVERSATIONS about it that never even took place

DAVE: hey rose youll never guess what im excited about and have loads of dialogue to spill over

DAVE: whats that dave

DAVE: ancient mollusks

DAVE: hmmmmmmmm said rose

DAVE: how many bananas do you think this paw clutched back when it was alive and attached to a monkey

DAVE: dave i really must say

DAVE: this conversation blows

DAVE: yeah sorry

DAVE: maybe i could have really developed this interest

DAVE: maybe i could have been something cool as a result

DAVE: like what even profession is this

DAVE: a dead shit ogler?

DAVE: no wait

DAVE: probably a paleontologist or something

DAVE: i could have been a paleontologist

DAVE: instead of what i became

DAVE: which was

DAVE: uh

DAVE: some pajama packing fuckface from the renaissance fair

DAVE: that would have been the dopeness!

DAVE: eurgh

DAVE: the ironic selfies

DAVE: oh god

DAVE: now this

DAVE: this is some irredeemably mortifying shit here

DAVE: what was i thinking

DAVE: i dont know man

DAVE: i just dont know

DAVE: this is what seasoned veterans call "bad irony"

DAVE: look at this guy

DAVE: what a fucking novice

DAVE: oh who am i kidding

DAVE: i cant stay mad at that face

DAVE: ok this one is pretty funny actually

DAVE: ...

DAVE: eheheh

DAVE: hehehehe

DAVE: haha!

DAVE: hahahahahaha!

DAVE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

DAVE: WHY

DAVE: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

DAVE: (gasp)

DAVE: WHY CANT

DAVE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

DAVE: WHY CANT I STOP LAUGHING

DAVE: PFFFFAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

DAVE: YOU WIN!

DAVE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

DAVE: YOU WIN YOUNG DAVE

DAVE: THESE SELFIES ARE COMEDY GOLD

DAVE: AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

JOHN: hi dave!

JOHN: what's so funny?

DAVE: whoa

DAVE: john

JOHN: what were you looking at there...

JOHN: hey, are you crying?

DAVE: what

DAVE: no

JOHN: ...

DAVE: i mean i was just laughing too hard at something dumb

DAVE: you know how it is

JOHN: heh, yeah.

JOHN: can i see?

DAVE: no its nothing

DAVE: where the fuck have you been

DAVE: do you remember what happened since we got here

JOHN: yes.

DAVE: well

DAVE: are you gonna fill me in or keep floating there in the most uninformative way possible

JOHN: uh oh.

JOHN: dave, i have to go!

DAVE: what

DAVE: why

JOHN: i can't hang around in one place for too long.

JOHN: let's catch up later, ok?

DAVE: john wait

JOHN: see you buddy!

DAVE: no dont

DAVE: john no stop turning into wind you fickle idiot

DAVE: dont just leave right away that is such an insanely predictable move

DAVE: i said get back here you slippery motherfucker!!!

JADE: hello dave

DAVE: god dammit

JADE: he was just here wasnt he

DAVE: no

JADE: how do you even know who im talking about??

DAVE: look all i know is egbert most definitely didnt just appear out of nowhere and catch me weeplaughing at my selfies

JADE: dave i know he was just here

JADE: i can smell him

DAVE: i keep my apparment misted with his odor at all times

DAVE: essence d'egbert

JADE: degbear?

JADE: what...

DAVE: no like the french pronunciation

JADE: ah

DAVE: anyway im just a lot more comfortable when my whole place reeks of nerd musk

DAVE: so that explains that

JADE: you cant fool me dave

JADE: i will track him down sooner or later

JADE: in any case it doesnt matter

JADE: i came here to see you, not him

DAVE: you did

JADE: come with me

DAVE: where

JADE: out here

JADE: we have some work to do

DAVE: what work

JADE: youre going to need to upgrade your weapon

DAVE: what

DAVE: you mean the deringer

JADE: yes

DAVE: i thought it was like the best possible sword

DAVE: or at least the best possible broken sword

JADE: that may very well be the case

JADE: but it will be useless against lord english

JADE: wouldnt you prefer a weapon that is capable of inflicting damage against him?

DAVE: uh

DAVE: not really?

JADE: of course you would

JADE: this isnt even up for discussion

JADE: now give me the deringer

JADE: we have all been traveling for three long years. what better way to celebrate our reunion than with a little alchemy? :)

DAVE: lots of ways

DAVE: we could have a jade goes back to normal party

DAVE: starring normal jade

JADE: HAR HAR

JADE: gimme the sword

DAVE: ok here

DAVE: how do we make it so it can damage him

JADE: it needs a special ingredient

JADE: something which represents his only known weakness, but hasnt been properly weaponized

DAVE: and you know what that is

JADE: i do

DAVE: how

JADE: i get all my intelligence on such matters from the old lady

JADE: shes had centuries to hatch a plan to settle her score

JADE: over time shes uncovered many secrets about him

DAVE: i dont understand how this is working

DAVE: is she piping all these secrets into your brain

DAVE: along with the evil

JADE: that is not relevant!

DAVE: fair enough

DAVE: i guess technically almost nothing is relevant to the dude youre barking orders to

DAVE: literal barking because of dogginess

JADE: bark bark bark!!!

DAVE: yes exactly like that

DAVE: thank you for participating in the joke

DAVE: now what is this special ingredient and where do we get it

JADE: i already have it right here

DAVE: oh yeah?

JADE: in fact ive had it for about as long as i can remember

JADE: it was right under my doggy snout all along

JADE: remember this?

DAVE: no

JADE: dave are you lying to me?

DAVE: no!

DAVE: ive never seen that thing before

JADE: but i found it on your planet

JADE: it must have gotten here somehow

DAVE: i didnt take your lousy egg

JADE: its not an egg!

DAVE: yeah well these planets are crawling with brainless lizards maybe one of them thought it was an egg

DAVE: and then brought it here cause its warm here and tried to hatch it

JADE: you really have a one track mind when it comes to certain things

DAVE: what things

DAVE: what are you talking about

JADE: davesprite was like that too... i just figured it was because he was part bird

JADE: but no, here you are going on about bird things too just like him :p

DAVE: come on dont compare me to him

DAVE: just cause i think its an eggy looking thing dont mean i think like a damn bird

JADE: mm hmm

JADE: and just because i have these pointy ears doesnt mean i wouldnt kill for some snausages right now!

DAVE: .....................

DAVE: do you actually want snausages

JADE: .....................

JADE: maybe ._.

DAVE: ok well snausages notwithstanding this is bullshit

DAVE: tell me how that thing doesnt look like an egg to you

DAVE: how is that not so obviously SUCH an egg???

JADE: its a cueball dave!

DAVE: i see

DAVE: so if im following

DAVE: then what youre trying to tell me is

DAVE: lord english has some sort of severe egg allergy that we are hoping to exploit

JADE: sigh

JADE: i see its still impossible to have a serious conversation with you, whether you are a sassy bird or not

JADE: i thought regular dave might have matured a little over three years but i guess i was wrong

DAVE: can we just make the eggsword already

DAVE: oh no

DAVE: not the legendary piece of shit again

JADE: pardon?

DAVE: its the fuckin welsh sword again!

JADE: are you telling me you have seen this sword before dave

JADE: how is that possible?

DAVE: i dont know!

DAVE: because i have a shitty quest is how

JADE: .....

DAVE: didnt davesprite tell you anything

DAVE: i found this sword in a gold cave and broke it

DAVE: then davesprite took it to hephaestus who fixed it and upgraded it to the deringer

DAVE: and sent that to me and i broke it again

JADE: you sure seem to break swords a lot

DAVE: i know!!!

DAVE: that has always been my thing for some reason

DAVE: now i guess it turns out my ultimate sword is really just a repaired downgrade of my previously ultimate sword mixed with a cueball?

DAVE: we just cycled right back to caledfwelsh like a bunch of tools

DAVE: that is the most stupid convoluted ass backward way to get a sword out of a stone i can even imagine

DAVE: i feel like somebody somewhere is having a good laugh over this i sure hope like the juggalo equivalent of fuckin loki or whoever the fuck is having a top notch riddlewank at my expense

JADE: :|

DAVE: you know what really gets me is

DAVE: this shitty welsh sword presumably consisted of those ingredients all along which just makes me want to travel back in time to perform a mutually assisted suicide with myself

DAVE: me and other dave can take turns suffocating each other with our own DUMBASS capes

JADE: dave i admit this is a peculiar turn of events, but i think you are overreacting

DAVE: jade this is STUPID

DAVE: my quest is a STUPID PIECE OF GARBAGE QUEST for LAME SHITTY LOSER FUCKHEADS WHO SUCK BALLS WHILE CRAPPING THEIR PANTS

JADE: omg

JADE: youve really spent way too much time alone with karkat havent you

DAVE: ...

DAVE: i need help :(

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baddiewiththesaddies · 1 year

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HOLIDAZE......

so its been awhile since my last entry and well i guess this is were im coming to bitch and complain.... yes i am naturally agressive... anger and aggression is what ive known all my life. my anger and explosive temper are some of my worst qualities..... i dont enjoy this fucking anger that sits inside me like lava in a volcano waiting to erupt.... being the only famale in a texmex home in the late 90s early 2000s wasnt the coolest lol.... while my parents essentially were strict, along with "spankings" being a VEERY COMMON thing in my home. yk spare the rod and spoil the child.... along with my birth father being abusive to my mom and basically neglected the fact that he had a daughter. all made me have this low bs tolerator, i am blunt yes i come off as harsh.. mostly bc i say the shit no one wants to say bc yk i cant give constructive criticism unless its wrapped in bows surgar coated in easy to swallow bs water.... and i dont have the care to want to wrap a pig in makeup and a bow... its still a pig w/o wig the right??? i mean.... thats what i think feel free to lmk if im wrong .... sooooooo the point of this is that i get tired of shit like "omg girl this song makes me wanna unblock him" after the fact of they broke up due to cheating... and they broke up over 5 months ago.... like ugh im sorry but not soory stop bringing up old shit and if you want to go do it with someone who gives af enough to swallow the bs sandwich youve served by saying shit like that when yall basically got physical... plus a bunch of other toxic shit... like i cant just sit here and tolerate bs when im trying to cut it outta my life... i mean i could be wrong theres no denying sometimes i go too hard on things especially when i care about someone. i hate the ppl i love being hurt or done wrong. ive been in my share of toxic relationships, i hate the fact that ppl have had the audacity to misused my loved ones and i. i just want to keep them hurting the ways i have wondering why me what did i do to deserve to hurt like that.... bc thats a shitty efeffin way to feel.... so im oming from a place of love but idk... how do i rid my life of bs if i allow those around me to serve it to me daily....

welp other then this... going bsck to wwork has helped me channel my energy to no want to fight but i havevbeen trying to talk thngs out but even then im labeled as the angry latina..... one stereotype thatll take 10x as long to lose as it was to gain.....

till next time..... wish me luck on this so called life thing....

btw happy holidays and a happy new year if youve made it this far in my rant of thnking tooooo mf much.....

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huckleberrysyrup · 4 years

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🧿Now: In an ABSN program to earn my BSN one year from now, living with the love of my life in an adorable apartment with our two cats, working in a hospital as a unit coordinator/cna2 (major foot in the door for when I graduate nursing school next year and need a job as a new nurse, plus it has insurance), workin on my skincare and my health

Near future (1-3 years): getting officially engaged (ie buying beautiful rings for myself and my love), getting nursing job in hospital, paying off debt, buying house, having an amazing wedding/honeymoon, training/working in aesthetics/skincare/injections/maybe getting aesthetician license as well, travel a few times a year

Future (3-5 years): buying a (nice) house, going to grad school to get my doctor of nursing practice as a family nurse practitioner, working in a planned parenthood type low income clinic and running a cosmetic dermatology clinic, having two babies and being a foster parent/adoptive parent to four more, TRAVELING OFTEN

Right now I’m taking active steps towards my dreams/goals, I’m working hard in nursing school and at work, and enjoying living with the love of my life (and getting ready to celebrate our 3 year anniversary!!). I still have bad days with my mental illnesses, but I’m doing so well and I love the path I’m on and I’m so so so excited for the future!! I just feel SO motivated and hopeful lately and for the first time in a long time, maybe ever, life is good🧿

#ive come a long way since being a teenage hermit plagued with mental and physical illnesses #things are lining up and the future has endless possibilities #soon i will be a board certified skincare and health expert and i’ll make a difference one appointment at a time #and have enough money to live comfortably and give my babies and husband the best #personal #tbd #its pretty cool that ill gave two degrees (bs in psych and nursing) by the time im 24 is pretty cool #and a masters and doctorate by the time im 30 hopefully #ive been so called to be a foster parent lately ive always wanted to foster/adopt kids since i was a kid #and ive always wanted six kids so im hopefully when i make more money i can give foster kids a safe and loving home and adopt them #im a little tipsy but all this has been on my mind a lot lately #diary

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kingjasnah · 3 years

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Blasian anon again. I think you missed my point but I also think that's because I didn't explain myself properly. Redzit and Shart I think are a lost cause (except that the mods of shart are actually pretty chill from the interactions I've had) but on here, things aren't great either. Tumblr artists see the whitewashing and over-correct, erasing the biracial aspect of a lot of characters. I'll keep using Shallan as an example bc we're the closest ethnicity wise, but so many artists straight up ignore she's supposed to look biracial. Inspo boards might only take her mixed race into account when it comes to her hair, but ignore that she might have a Japanese nose and white people lips (either in shape or color or both). And this is maybe kind of minor, but using Korean faces as her blueprint maybe isn't great. I don't know a lot of Koreans who would be happy with people thinking they are interchangeable with Japanese (because the history between us is not great). We do look similar, but we're also different.

Not enough tumblr artists are looking at biracial japanese faces when they're crafting their Shallan. And her biracial aspect can't be erased when plucking her from Roshar and putting her in modern Earth aus. She would deal with intense racism and othering. Some hyper sexualization and infantization, people here ignore all of that when taking her into account. And in doing so, contribute to this "pick an ethnicity" bs that a lot of us biracial people deal with all the time. But I think people here are more open to taking that criticism and changing than on other platforms.

As for Sanderson, I'm actually working on a letter to send to him outlining how important it is to double down on the fact that most of roshar isn't white. I've found more private interactions regarding race are more productive, so this isn't something I'd be posting on one of the other popular sites. But like, it would be nice if with the WoR leatherbound, we got an improved Kaladin cover and Shallan endpapers that better reflect her mixed race appearance. Pairing that with something in the acknowledgements about why it was important to correct this, that could go a long way, since not all the fans who purchase that merch are super active on the forums. But if anyone has suggestions of points to include in this letter I'm working on, I'd love to see them.

......okay i see what you are saying. so i absolutely agree with you that when using references for shallan people should look to biracial models but I think it's difficult to declare overcorrectness in fanart cause of how varied those models actually look. i also think im kinda out of my lane here? so grain of salt I guess if anyone who is mixed wants to weigh in on this

i will say that there's a bit of a thing with shallan (and renarin) where people have pointed out their epicanthic folds are respected but they're not for a lot of darker skinned characters who also are supposed to have them...and for renarin I think a lot of that has to do with the east asian infantilization you mentioned. with shallan I feel like this is the case because shallan not being white has been very present on tumblr for years to the point where people are more likely to call out a whitewashed shallan than anyone else.

now ive not seen any modern aus talk about real life racism at all but then again: i don't read fic and i do agree writing a modern shallan shouldn't erase her race

i think a letter is a smart idea though. he is relatively receptive to crit imo and he's So online here definitely seen some of this stuff but.....yeah it's not super fun posting crit that's about both something personal and something systematic on a public forum when you know it's gonna get blasted. id kill for a proper kaladin wor cover

#im sorry i know this is unfocused on second thought i probably should be answering Heavy asks at home #like anon im still not 100% clear here but on god you deserve to be able to vent abt ur specific experiences here so. power to you i guess #asks #sanderson critical

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harringrovetrashrat · 4 years

Text

(We had a romcom month in Nov and y’all are gonna be subject to my bs. This one is While You Were Sleeping inspired)

Steve groaned when there was knocking.

“Tommy, for the last time, no, you can’t move in, no I’m not in black underwear, and no--” He swung the door open to a smiling Billy, one eyebrow raised teasingly. Steve flushed. “Sorry, thought you were Tommy.” He said, shoving his hands into his pajama pockets. Billy chuckled.

“Happens all the time,” he said. He stood there a moment before ducking his head and licking his lips, wry smile on his face. “Can I come in?”

“Oh, yeah!” Steve chirped, moving out of the way so Billy could enter. He moved into the living room, letting Billy follow. “Sorry,” he said with a wince, gesturing to the mess. Billy shrugged. It was quiet a moment before Billy cleared his throat and pointed at Steve’s chest.

“Deciding on ties?” He asked. Steve looked down, looked at the navy blue, dark green, and coral neckties he had on.

“Oh,” Steve chuckled, pulling them off. “Yeah, just uh, just seeing what will work. For tomorrow.” Steve stared at Billy, taking him in. Billy was looking at the clothes Steve had laid out, at the options he’d pulled out for the impromptu wedding. It made his heart clench, made his lungs feel heavy. He wanted Billy to say something. “What did--”

“I’m sorry,” he said, face set. “For all the trouble I gave you.” Steve’s words were stuck in his throat as Billy spoke. “I’m gonna be really happy to, to call you my brother in law,” he said, smiling at Steve. It didn’t reach his eyes quite right and Steve wanted him to fucking say something. Billy hummed softly and pulled a small package out of his pocket. “Oh, I got you a wedding gift,” he said.

“Yeah?” Steve’s voice was soft and Billy looked up at him through his lashes. Steve gently took the present, unwrapping it carefully.

“I saw it in the window on a job and just--”

“Billy,” Steve breathed. It was a snow globe. Nothing fancy, but it was of Florence. Steve shook it, watching the snow fall. “Billy I--”

“Anyway--”

“Tell me a reason why I shouldn’t marry Heather,” he said, cutting Billy off. “Tell me a reason and I won’t.” Billy froze, gaze sad. But, he didn’t say anything. Didn’t utter a peep. Steve gripped the snow globe tighter and smiled, nodding reflexively to the rejection, trying to push through the way it felt like his heart was breaking. “Okay. Yeah.”

“Steve,” Billy said, voice soft.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? At the--” Steve took a breath. “At the ceremony.” Billy looked like he wanted to say something, wanted to say a lot of things. But again, he didn’t. Just nodded and put his hands in his pockets.

“Yeah,” he replied, voice quiet. “Tomorrow.” Steve shut the door behind Billy as he left, leaning his forehead against it to cry. He took shuddery breaths, tried not to cry the day before his wedding, but for once, he couldn’t stop the tears.

Steve couldn’t believe he was late. Couldn’t believe he was going to be late to his own wedding. Yeah, maybe he wasn’t looking forward to it as much as he would have been a month ago, but he didn’t want to be late. He skidded into the hallway and quickly found the room where everything had been set up. Hop and Joyce were standing and talking, Murray was just sitting and watching the show, and Billy--

Billy was standing and waiting on Heather’s side. Because of course he was her Man of Honor. Steve walked in, waving. He made it halfway down the aisle before he realized he’d left his jacket on. So he ran back, put it on the hook, and walked down the aisle towards the family again.

“Finally!” Hopper boomed, smiling. “You didn’t get cold feet did you?” Steve chuckled and shook his head.

“No, no. Let’s uh, let’s do this.” Steve nodded to the rest of the family and looked at Billy. Billy looked away from him as soon as they locked eyes and Steve once more wished for a lot of things.

Music began and Steve watched Heather walk down the aisle, Hopper leading her along. They were smiling and Heather pulled her IV along, beaming at Steve. He smiled back, thinking about how she and Billy had the same dimples.

Then the priest had started to speak and Steve looked in Heather’s eyes and--

“I object,” he said quietly.

“He what?” Hopper said, leaning forward. Heather just blinked, tilting her head. The priest gave him a quizzical look.

“We haven’t gotten to that part yet,” he said.

“I’m sorry but I can’t do this,” Steve said, letting go of Heather’s hands and stepping back. “I--” He looked at the family. “I’ve been lying to you. To all of you. And I can’t go through with this when I love--” He looked at Billy, heart slamming against his ribcage. Billy stared, jaw slack.

“Billy?” Hopper groaned. “Boy, what did you do?” Billy snapped out of his shock, furrowing his brow.

“What did I do? I didn’t do anything!”

“He didn’t!” Steve cut in. Everyone fell silent again. “He didn't. This is all on me, okay? I’m not. I’ve never been Heather’s fiancee.” The family collectively blinked. “There was a miscommunication when she arrived and I didn’t correct them and then you guys came and--” He choked up a little, anxiety and regret filling him. “You were all so lovely,” he breathed out. “A big, loving family that annoyed each other and ragged on each other but still loved each other at the end of the day. I never… My parents stopped living at home when I was 13. They didn’t stay at home with me for more than a week at a time. I’ve never had real, good family in my life and…” He looked at them, all in varying degrees of shock. “I fell in love with all of you,” he said, voice soft but strong. Sure. “And I was selfish and held onto it for too long. Let this keep going when Heather doesn’t even know me.” He looks at her then, finding her smiling, even if it was sad. Steve had let go of her hands during his little speech, but he took one again. “I’m sorry,” he said to her. “It was unfair to you and-- I’m just sorry.” Steve looked at Billy, who seemed unsure if he was shocked, angry, sad, or happy. Steve understood that. “I’m sorry to you too, because somewhere along the way of falling in love with your family, I fell in love with you as well. And it wasn’t fair to… To want that when you didn’t know the truth.”

Before anyone could say anything else, the door burst open.

“I object!” A short, redheaded woman yelled from the doorway.

“Anyone else?” The priest asked, annoyed and ready to go home.

“Who are you?” Hopper demanded, brows drawn together.

“I’m Heather’s real fiancee!” She snapped, stomping down the aisle. Heather’s eyes bugged out.

“Carol? You said no!” She protested.

“Yeah, well I changed my mind--”

“What the fuck?” Joyce mumbled, pressing a dainty hand to her forehead. The family got mixed up in the commotion and Steve quickly slipped out before anyone could pay him any mind. It was easier that way. He could slip out of their lives as easily as he slipped in and let them get back to normal.

Steve scratched a line on his notepad with his pen, cheek resting on his hand. The day was slow, most people quietly bustling their way along in the cold of Chicago. He sighed, letting his head fall forward to the desk.

“Listen,” Robin said from behind him, spinning around in her chair. “It’s literally painful watching you mope. Let’s get drinks tonight or something.” Steve didn’t look over his shoulder, just shrugged.

“Not feeling it,” he mumbled. Robin sighed. She opened her mouth to say more, maybe snark some sense back into him, when she saw a group approaching. Steve still had his head down, shoulders slumped as he tried to make himself small.

It had been a long week since everything and Steve was tired. Was tired, was sad, and didn’t really want to exist. He’d been looking at plane tickets while holding Billy’s snow globe like some sort of creep for most of the week. If he imagined being able to bring Billy along, no one else needed to know. But it was the only thing he could think of to do. To take some steps to enjoy his life, even if he had to do it alone.

He really didn’t want to do it alone.

There was a clink in front of him and he grabbed the change, not looking up or even saying his customary hello. Once he had the pass printed, he slipped it back under the window and a hand quickly placed itself on top of his. Steve’s breath caught. He knew those fingers. Knew those rings. He’d memorized them.

Blue eyes were gazing down at him when he looked up, mouth opening in shock. Billy smiled at him, small and hopeful. Hopper and Joyce were doing a particularly bad job of hiding behind the pillar and watching. Murray and Max had foregone trying to hide and were just watching, smiling at the sight. Steve’s mind was racing. Were they here to tell him off? Were they mad? Were they--

“Wanna go on a trip with me, pretty boy?” Billy asked, voice gentle and loving and everything Steve had been wanting to hear for the past month. He gaped, mind working too slow to catch up. Billy looked a little nervous at his silence, obviously chewing on the inside of his lip.

“Oh my god,” Robin said as the silence dragged on too long. “He so fucking does. Please, take his moping ass on a date so I don’t have to drown him myself.”

“Robin!” Steve hissed, turning red.

“You’ve literally been depressed all week and it’s been bringing my vibe down.” Her look softened as she smirked, small and just at Steve. “Go get your man. I’ll cover for you.”

Steve could have kissed her.

Instead, he stood, shoving the door to the booth open and jumping the turnstile to cup Billy’s face and pull him into a kiss. Billy’s hands settled on his waist as he smiled against Steve’s lips. Joyce let out a Yes! that was probably louder than it should have been, but Steve didn’t care. Didn’t think about anything except the lips pressed against his. When he pulled back, Billy was smiling, bright and happy and Steve loved him.

“I’d go anywhere with you, Blue.”

#steve harrington #Billy Hargrove #harringrove #romcom au #while you were sleeping au #kinda i dunno y'all this is my hubris now #mentions of steather

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all-things-mlqc · 4 years

Note

Boys reaction to MC who never have date before meeting them. Like, the boys as MC's first love.

My first HC on here and I was memeing half the time while writing it. Included what the boys would do after hearing this news as well because why not. I’m not a Lucien fan but lord have mercy on my soul, I couldn’t help making his romantic af. He is the ideal boyfriend/date minus the l i e s that come in the MS and I hate it. All the crossed out stuff is just commentary because I couldn’t help myself. Hope you enjoy~ Thank you for your ask <3

How the MLQC boys react to being MC’s first love below the cut~

Victor:

Follows with some snarky comment after he calls her “Dummy”.

Let’s be real here, if he doesn’t call her dummy immediately, then something is wrong. Reminds me of when we streamed the first episode of MLQC and we were all yelling “CALL US BAKA” the second Victor came on screen.

While he seems cool and collected on the outside, you can hear the computer shutdown sound play on the inside.

To him, this is a shocking confession.

Victor: I’m not surprised a dummy like you hasn’t been in a serious relationship before.

Victor, internally: How has she never been in a serious relationship before??

He’s not very good at expressing himself honestly through his words but he truly admires MCs hardworking nature.

He finds that very attractive in a woman and is surprised that other men in the line of business haven’t taken their shot with her yet. it’s because they can feel your death stare on the back of their heads, kind sir

One thing he struggles with is being himself. He tries to act like everything is in his control all the time.

Because of this, upon hearing MCs confession, he invites her to a fancy dinner at his penthouse insert Victor’s Dazzling Date because THATS ALL THAT MATTERS. Jkjk haha... unless...

He wants to impress her as much as possible even though he knows deep down that she doesn’t care about what a person has and rather how they are as a person

BUT ALAS. The stress be real for her first boyfriend.

He wants her to know she made a good decision without verbally telling her out of his own bitch mouth I love you, please call me baka so he goes over the top with their first date.

Basically pulls a Mr. Krabs when taking Mrs. Puff on a date. Just add shades to Mr. Krabs to represent Victor’s “I’m calm. I’m chill. I’m all good. We vibin out here.”

All MC wants from him is his honest and genuine thoughts. and a lifetime stock of pudding because good god a girl has chocolate needs

MC eventually figures out Victor’s intentions with all the gifts he rains on her because hE dOesNt nEeD tHeM he can’t give her anything more than a cup of pudding up front

MC knows this and accepts the secret gifts with a smile.

She sends a gift in return to his office the following day along with a thank you for the wonderful date.

Can you hear that? It’s the sound of Victor’s heart rate slowing to the average persons.

Kiro:

insert pikachu meme

This boy is mind blown.

“How have you never been in a relationship before??? That can’t be true!”

Kiro sees the good in everyone, so hearing that MC has never been in a relationship before him is

He gives her a bright smile and playfully hugs her from behind.

The two of them laugh together as he whispers genuinely in her ear,

“I promise to make you happy. You won’t regret it.”

He immediately drags her off to Loveland’s Amusement Park, where they spend the whole day together.

Rides, snacks, games, you name it, they did it all.

Kiro naturally spoils MC without putting much thought to it.

It’s like a reflex for him. It’s just who he is as a person. Always wants to share the happiness in the world with the people he cares about.

As for how anxious he is after hearing the news about being MC’s first love, he is screaming at a pitch only dogs can hear.

Almost 100% of the time he has a smile on his face and even convinces himself that he’s not worried about it.

But he is.

It only hits him when he thinks about another man taking MC away from him after seeing her talking with another guy.

MC will catch him without his carefree smile at times and eventually confronts him about it.

He shows her a wide smile and says there’s nothing to worry about.

L I E S. BABIE LEMME HOLD YOU I PROMISE YOU DONT NEED TO WORRY.

After a few attempts of trying to get Kiro to open up about it, he gives in and says he’s worried he’s not good enough for her HAHAHHA, GOOD ONE KIRO

MC, however, turns it around on him

MC: I’m afraid IM the one who isn’t good enough for you.

They both smile and embrace each other, knowing they’ll get through any little concerns like this.

Gavin:

He knows.

We’re talking about the boy who has been in love with MC since high school; Who has protected her behind the scenes ever since he laid eyes on her.

He would know if she had been in a previous or current relationship.

It only comes as a shock when she says she’s never been interested in anyone else romantically before. Lies. Have you seen the other suitors, MC. In a world where guys are that hot, you must’ve had at least 1 crush, c’mon sis.

Gavin respected her personal boundaries and never looked into her personal affairs so he had very little knowledge of her views on other guys.

He gets a little bit nervous, since he believes her standards must be high if she hasn’t been interested in anyone else before.

Does the full on soldier oath, bend the knee cliche which includes “I promise to always protect you” and “Nobody will ever be good enough for you”

Mc: Gavin no...

Gavin: NOBODY WILL EVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU.

Spoiler alert: You are waayyyyy too good for me, Gavin.

He doesn’t have too much anxiety over the thought of being MC’s first love though since he’s very good at staying true to himself and knows MC is one to admire that about others.

Gavin is a quiet guy in general. He’s more of an observer and watches MC to take note of what she enjoys.

When he sees her eyes shine bright after seeing a delicious dessert cafe, he offers to take her. He makes sure to express how he also wants to go since he knows she won’t accept unless he is interested as well.

Boy literally has no interests the moment he’s with MC. He is essentially that vine

Doesn’t even wait until the question is over and just “Absolutely. Let’s do it”

MC: But I haven’t even said anything yet...

He isn’t much different from how he is now. Has around the same amount of anxiety just from being in MCs presence.

Boy just wants to PROTECC and is always panicking on the inside but tries to remain calm.

He is very good at calming his anxiety though since he’s had so long to understand what MC values and knows she just loves people for themselves.

That’s all he needs.

Lucien:

His eyes widen slightly at MCs confession.

It’s nothing too mind blowing for him since he knows how refined MC is and how dedicated she is to her work.

It’s still surprising to him that nobody has tried to sweep her off her feet yet.

With how kind MC is, it would be hard for her to refuse a date with a gentleman.

Lucien gently presses a kiss to MCs hand upon hearing her confession.

Lucien: I am honored to be given the opportunity TO WOO to take such a beautiful lady out on a date~ AND MORE PLEASE

Lucien is the definition of a gentleman shhhh we aren’t speaking of current chapters in the main route Lucien. Cover your eyes. Pretend you do not see.

With little to no anxiety showing on his face after the reveal that he is MCs first love, he insists on taking her out to a nice restaurant the most classy and romantic 5 star restaurant Loveland City has to offer as a way to thank her for dealing with his bs (both his bullshit and black swan hahaha I’m so funny oml) being given the opportunity to treat her as a beautiful young lady should be treated.

He’s also more on the less anxious side of being MCs first love.

Lucien is a traditional man and does stuff by the book.

Because of this, he respects and likes the idea of being MCs first love.

He doesn’t go over the top yet isn’t cliche with dates and little actions.

He knows exactly what to say and when to say it. Though he may struggle with being openly honest about his own thoughts and feelings, he tries his best to express himself for MC. a lot of the time he just assumes talking to her about his personal affairs would bring her down.

This, however, gets better overtime as they continue to date.

They spend a lovely evening at dinner together and take a midnight stroll through the city oh god city stroll PTSD

He gently wraps his jacket around her bare shoulders with a soft smile as he thanks her once again for believing in him believing he is worthy of her

Bonus:

Shaw:

Shaw, smirking: Is that so?

Oohhhhh you know what that smirk does to me. DOWN BOY D O W N.

He’s surprised but his reaction is very mutual.

His internal thoughts are more on the line of “Hmm I’m her first boyfriend, aye?” and “OYA OYA”

He very likely most definitely places his hand on the wall beside her head and leans in closely to get a reaction from her as he growls,

Shaw: So that means you really like me, yeah? I’m making this way too hot gdi. Shaw stans please enjoy your food

MC looks up to see that same playful smirk resting on his face.

highkey don’t know how to respond because Im just “ok think of 3 things she would probably say and go from there” while my brain just computer error sound

MC: and what about yourself? I’m sure there are tons of girls throwing themselves at you yet you choose me.

He pulls away and places his hands in his pockets with a chuckle.

Shaw: I’ve had my fair share before.

iVe HaD mY fAiR sHarE bEfoRe MY ASS

I’m convinced he’s had one time things with girls purely for information or he isn’t the least bit interested in relationships because he thrives on stimulation and entertainment and nOboDy iS gOoD eNouGh plus he literally asks what people do on dates when taking mc out in his first date in game SO

Either way, this is a LIE. The man can’t relationship for the life of him so he has no RIGHTS to tease her.

Just let him believe or you can try to tease him about it in hopes of getting a little pouty face out of him.

Honestly, their first date would just be the first date we got in the game and nobody can convince me otherwise.

Shaw is a wild child and doesn’t care for romantic dates. at least that’s what he wants you to think

A little insight on his character: He’s very blunt and easily pushes people away all the while keeping them close enough to gather intel. He doesn’t get emotionally attached to anyone and makes sure it’s mutual on both ends. Personal relationships only drag him down, especially in his line of work. He prioritizes other things before relationships which makes him so damn FRUSTRATING BUT I SWEAR I WILL CRACK YOU OPEN LIKE A WALNUT JUST YOU WATCH ME.

With that being said, after actually being in a relationship with MC for a while and opening up about their personal lives more, Shaw can be very romantic. He may be awkward for a bit at first since he literally doesn’t know what a date is but he gets there eventually.

He’s still full of fun but is also very gentle and makes sure MC is enjoying herself.

I got sidetracked with the actual HC on this one but Shaw stans need food I NEED FOOD

#mlqc #mr. love queen's choice #mr. love #mlqc gavin #mlqc shaw #mlqc kiro #mlqc victor #mlqc lucien #i had to limit myself because i started writing A LOT #i also had the BRILLIANT idea #*not really brilliant*#of Lucien offering to walk MC home after their date #and MC just ‘that’s ok. Youve already done so much for me tonight’#Lucien: Our apartments are right next to each other mc #MC:#*hello darkness my old friend plays in the bg*#she just wanted to be polite and the fucking LOGIC FLEW OVER HER HEAD LIKE #logic? dont know em #ms. walks in front of cars every day #i really enjoyed shaws too just because i love his bitch ass #like being able to meme 24/7 is my dream and that is legit all he’s good for #the S A S S #we love a sassy bitch #and his date we got in the game is all i need to say about their date after mcs reveal #shaw: cool so what IS a date exactly?#mc: youre kidding right?#shaw: well i mean i know it’s for couples but wtf do we do #mc: shopping/dinner/a movie #shaw: *jerry squints* thats boring as hell. lets go do some illegal shit

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smol-grey-tea · 3 years

Note

I was gonna write the romo attraction thing today but honestly i dont feel like doing it bc im just rlly upset about smth that im sure a lot of ppl can relate to

So my irl friend groups are very... well they dont know much about these kinds of things, i had to be a walking encyclopaedia for them about my identities like nb stuff bc they didn't bother to just... look it up.

When i told them i was trans they would say "omg are you actually trans?? I have a trans best friend!!" Yikes

Instead they would ask me to explain it. Which is fine, i kinda hate having to explain for the 5th time that no, using the correct terms and pronouns is not a fucking burden, and that yes, dysphoria is awful and wont just magically go away.

and when i tell them to yk, not use pronouns for me and just use my name instead, not 1 person did that. They just... misgendered me and used she/her when i explicitly told them that it makes me dysphoric. I then told them to use coo/coos/cooself instead bc i quite like it, but they still didnt use it.

Then i gave up and told them to use they/them since it doesnt make me dysphoric even tho i lowkey hate it. They still misgender me but said "they'll try to get used to it". Its not that hard guys what the actual fuck???

Anyway, i was actually going to talk about aspec stuff. So i only told one of them that i was demiromantic demisexual, and they said "wtf is that" which yk is not a nice way to react to someone coming out, but i have thick skin so i just explained it bc again they couldnt bother to search it, and they said "ok ig" and changed the subject when i wanted to explain my attraction???? I've never had anyone that i could talk to about my complicated feelings with being aspec and just when i thought i could i was shut down.

I thought it was over and done with, until they started to... ignore my fucking identity??? Which i would say is way more important and personal to me than my bisexuality??? They never did any of that bs with my bisexuality probably bc they were pansexual themself, but jfc is it that hard to not make jokes about me being horny or having a crush or joking about setting me up on blind dates??? It legit made me so uncomfortable and i have no idea what to say.

Bc remember, they didnt exactly respect my pronouns and kept using gendered terms to refer to me even more after i came out??? I swear it feels like its on purpose every time they called me a girl but whatever

Istg they forgot that im demi bc they keep making these jokes and ignoring that i dont feel sexual or romantic attraction like that and keep acting as if i want to date ppl or fuck them when i say they look pretty??? I spent way too fucking long mistaking my aesthetic attraction for sexual for ppl to once again reinforce this idea and im done with it. Please for the love of god stop it.

I said i liked wilbur and thought he was rlly cute and they then proceeded to, you guessed it, act like im in love with him or that i want to fuck him. First of all, hes a real person on the internet that i do not know, 2nd of all, fucking eww, and 3rd of all, hes a whole ass adult and we r both in high school. Yikes again.

Ofc i didnt tell them these things and just said that i dont like him that way and just thought he was pretty and nothing else. They completely ignored this and thought i was just embarrassed or smth or that i was in denial. Yikes again again.

So yeah. The only lesson i learned is to never come out as aspec to anyone irl ever again. Tbh i kinda want to tell them that im not bi and that i dont feel any kind of attraction. It would be a lie but christ i wish they would stop. They can validate my bisexuality but not my nb or aspec identities? I knew that queer sexualities were more normalized now which is awesome but why cant they do that for trans ppl or aspecs? Why does it have to stop there?

Sorry for venting like this but i thought this might be relatable for yall. Ive never had the experience of feeling "broken" bc of any of my identities, im very confident in them. I just wish other ppl other than my online friends would feel the same.

Also sorry for delaying the romo attraction thingy i just rlly dont feel like it rn. Idk when i will write it but hopefully if i feel better i will finish it today

There's no pressure to write it up dude it's cool :) whenever you're ready ❤

And those ppl do not sound like good friends- idk exactly how old you are but ik I'm older, and I can tell you for certain that you will find better friends one day. It's guaranteed :) they don't deserve your friendship and I am glad to validate and help you in any way you need ❤❤

Yee I've never felt broken either! I think an element of that is that I thought I was allo for a very long time? But on the other hand I was bullied in my childhood for not having attraction so idk why that hasn't manifested into a phobia of romance but eh I'm better off this way whether it makes sense or not.

It makes me happy as well cuz a lot of ppl in the community seem very pessimistic abt how we're treated but it's nice to know that not all of us feel broken cuz the 2 of us are living examples of that :)

But unfortunately yeah, your experiences above are things many ppl can relate to. I'm sure almost everyone can remember a time where they came out to someone and weren't met with good responses,,

Let this be a reminder that this is not right and we deserve more support for something so personal. Even if you don't understand someone's identity that doesn't give you the right to dismiss or ignore them. Our identities are very important and personal to us and supporting them is basic respect.

#my post #ask #long post #lgbtq #aspec #aroace #aroacespec #non binary #transgender #neutralitea #transphobia tw #aphobia tw #acephobia tw #arophobia tw #swearing cw

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theravencawsatmidnight · 3 years

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Congratulations on 2k! Could I get a Genshin Impact matchup please?

I’m female, ESTJ, 3w4. Any gender is fine, but preferably male. SFW please!

I tend to come across as friendly and polite, but with those that I’m close to, I can actually be quite dramatic and chaotic! Despite my MBTI type, I’m not particularly extroverted, and truly appreciate (and sometimes even deliberately seek out) periods of alone time. I enjoy learning about history and culture (though my knowledge severely falls short compared to my passion - but that can be worked on, fortunately!), and reading about almost any topic, though there’s a special place in my heart reserved for mystery novels :) My sense of style is one of the few things I’m confident in, I’ve been told that I dress well! If I could choose a vision + weapon, it’d be pyro + sword!

My love language is words of affirmation - both to give and to receive! I have a soft spot for grand gestures and formalities in romance, and given the opportunity, will also like to express my love in these kinds of ways - in moderation, of course! I would prefer an S/O who can lend me a listening ear when I need it, but will also call me out on my bs if necessary! I’m not very comfortable with confiding in others about personal things, so I hope that they will be someone I can freely open up to. Respect for personal space is important too, and while I do enjoy intimacy to a certain extent, I don’t think I’d enjoy being with someone too clingy. I’m not sure what I can bring to the table since I have no prior experience in romance, but I’m certain that I will be able to reciprocate their love and devotion to an equal extent. My ideal relationship would be one where both of us inspire each other to be better versions of ourselves and support one another in the pursuit of our goals! Thank you so much and sorry for the lengthy ask! ~ 🍞

Hello and thank you! Also no need to apologize! 😄

I match you with...

ALBEDO!!!

If anyone understands privacy its Albedo. He gets that you need time to yourself and will leave you too it but he wants to check in on you from time to time, even leave you little sketches.

Albedo spends his time with you in Dragonspire usually. Since you are a Pyro the cold does not bother you much but he has torches on hand if need be. Its quiet there and peaceful for the both of you to just relax and unwind together

Albedo loves that you want to learn about culture and history. He can sometimes go on long talks on the topic but its just more information for you to soak up. Hes always got new books for you to read and alchemy spells to try with you

This man likes to surprise you too. He leaves you little notes saying “treasure mystery map” sending you on a wild goose chase just to end up back at the start with him waiting with a cheeky smile. “I am the treasure” he tells you, smug smug.

If you need to talk hes right there with both ears listening , helping you with problems, (maybe involving alchemy) and helping you breakdown a situation to find a solution

Albedo is a gentle lover, whatever your comfortable with, hes comfy with. Never gonna pressure or force you. If you just want to hug then thats what he will give you

It was a chilly afternoon in Dragonspire but Albedo insisted on going out to the mountain. It was his day off and all he wanted to do was spend it with you in his favorite place. He had bought you a new furry coat to wear , the highest fashion choice in town and to keep you warm.

“Albedo whats the real reason we are here?” You asked, poking his arm.

He smiled down at you and held his hand out to catch some snow. “Well, ive been working on an experiment. I found this sword suited for a pyro and ive been modifying it to fit you” he closed his hand and opened it again watching the snow fall. “Its almost done, but for now, lets just enjoy each other” he kissed your hand sweetly.

#🍞 anon #.♥️matchup #albedo

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bma-2020 · 5 years

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Okiedok here’s the delio. I have a list of all the blogs from the last six months who’s actively either responded to a meme i sent, responded to a message ive sent, replied to something regarding mally herself, has actually written with me, written a starter for me from my liking a starter call, has at least liked a starter i wrote for them to awknowedge it exists, all that jazz, i have a lot of open field so it’s not just a possible tumblr didnt let them no option anymore, because i send memes to everyone who posts them that i see. I reply to most peoples ooc posts. I like most starter calls I pass by. I try my darndest to actually interact bc i know how it feels to be ignored and its… i’ve been called one before so i’m using the word, thats fluffing cunty behavior, and honestly if you complain about not being interacted with but never even try when i try with you, ya being cunty, end of. I gotta list. That list only entails Mally because she’s who I care about the most. I’m probably gonna start instilling a new rule in all my blogs that if you ignore Mally and/or Darcy( @tasedandconfused ), since I would say they’re my two main blogs tho darcy gets ignored even more than mally does, probably bc i denied canon and left it entirely we know fandom hates that, if either of them is ignored then… Ya out of luck, I’m gonna unfollow you. I’m debating soft blocking everyone who ignored me on both of them but I don’t want to like be mean and deny the chance to eventually try again but at the same time i shouldnt feel bad for taking a stand and saying this is bullsheet, idk my anxiety says im awful for giving a fluff about myself but also i should give a fluff about myself probably, ive nearly died in the last three months, my brain almost exploded, i just had three root canals on one corner of my face, i have to potentially get surgery on my inner ear which i cant even afford, i dont got time to deal with only being used for like smut memes or like as a resource blog or utter bs like that, i dont got time for it. So new rules here. 1: If Mally or Darcy are not acknowledged, written with, responded to, viewed as more than just their fluffing bodies? ya dropped, im unfollowing, potentially soft blocking, which means blocking and unblocking for those not in the know, on all accounts I follow you on. Every single one. I know most of my muses are on sideblogs but despite not being able to send memes from sideblogs you can block people from sideblogs fun fact, i will do that if i have to. 2: I’m gonna be posting SCs, PCs, memes, etc. I like and respond to plotting calls, starter calls, i send memes, all of that. If I don’t get any response within.. I’m giving one week for people who don’t run on a queue and a month and a half to people on a queue based system, if i dont get anything within that time like at least an im being like ‘its posted’ or ‘its queued i wanted to let you know in case tumblrs a fluffbutt’ (i do this sometimes if i dont get even just a like on the starters i post so i at least know people saw it since i know tumblrs bs, i wait until the day they’re active to do so in case theyre busy yknow) basically i need acknowledgment at all. No you can’t claim this is abt follower count bc when you unfollow someone they inevitably unfollow you too, thats gonna drop my following, not as quickly as soft blocking would but i wanna be fair i guess, which leads to: 3: I’m basing this on your activity too, like if i like a think and you’re gone for a month after that its fine, im not gonna unfollow you unless you never come back or youre online and posting others just not mine because that tells me youre specifically ignoring me and im gonna drop you for that end of. I’m done with the bullsheet im done w the dillish behavior, i love friendship but if im giving and never receiving thats extremely one way and not gonna work. I check through my follow list weekly and i go back about five-10 pages on someones feed before i unfollow them to see their actual activity and see if theyre here or if its a q so. I’m thorough basically. 4: You dont have to be active with me on all your blogs, i mean i’d prefer it but thats hard as fluff so essentially if you have like five blogs and are just like trying w me on two or three thats fine. Ten blogs, four or five with at least a plot formed is cool. Multis just one muse is all I’d need. I’m not gonna unfollow the blogs youre not writing w me on if you at least write w me on some. Again, specifically Mally and/or Darcy. If you ignore both of them, we’re done. I havent been active on darcy because of being ignored and its a huge butt mess and im just tired i wanna use my babies, you don’t get to have my ‘better’ muses like i know a lot of ppl only follow me for my boys or my villains, you don’t get them if you ignore my baby. But, there is a limit there too. 5: If you never respond to a meme or thread even once with Mally or Darcy, or post a starter, i reply, its never replied to again after a month, I’m unfollowing and/or soft blocking for that too. Bc that means youre just raising my hopes to fluff with me or get someone else and honestly, youre even more cunty than than the people just flat out ignoring me if you do that. And this isnt a specific person, this is five of the people actually on my list. Yes, my list is also annotated with specifics again I was very thorough on this yesterday, I hyperfixated I’ll admit it, I’m in a fluffing depressionary bubble and being told to get over it because people want something they dont deserve to have to. I am a believer that people deserve good things but if youre purposefully being cunty… no you dont. 6: No I’m not releasing my list, maybe I will and I’ll omit the urls because I don’t want people being buttholes to each other too but otherwise, yall not seeing it im not giving a callout because… really thats just unnecessary here. I don’t think yall are toxic people or something i just think yall are unintentionally being cunty. And no I don’t mean everyone that follows me i mean the ppl that add up to what i’ve documented so far and fit the bill of butthat that i’ve shown, its behaviors yall gotta check before ya wreck. Yes there will be some people who have priority, everyone has those people, I write w kathryn on other platforms since she doesnt go on here as often but when Kathryn returns from war here (if she does cause she also agrees most ppl on this platform are cunty, i feel really bad saying that word so often but im gonna keep doing it i recently deleted an ask saying I was a huge cunt for not sending someone smut memes when I didn’t even follow them or know they existed so, again the travesty of this place is nutballers) same with owly, alex is here too, my most active partners are always going to be priority because theyre the ones who show the most interest and the most care. I understand that with others as well which is why I have the timeframe set up, because I want to be as open and shizz as possible while atill being firm i guess. I don’t want to have extreme double standards like its impossible for double standards not to exist at least a little bit but I want to avoid a golden chest full of them I guess. 7: I don’t have a seven rn, this was an even number and it bothered me. Seven is nust my warning that I’m bittery writing this on mobile so formatting is not real but i tried my dandest to make this look like something people might actually mind. I dont want to be butty, i dont want to be awful, i dont want to start drama or have drama but that shizz comes around anyways so i might as well make my space as okay for me as i can cause im supposed to avoid stress so my brain doesnt almost explode again, like again i almost fluffing died i dont need ppl fake being my friend or anything, i want stuff to be real and clear. I want to be happy to be on here again and have fun like i used to since my health is plummetting and I’m not allowed to go outside near plants by myself anymore because i welt up. I have plants outside my work place and im surrounded by chemicals all day long I’m welted from here to new york constantly and never comfortable in my own skin because of it and constantly see people online acting like these actual real problems are pretentious because ‘its an excuse’ when, im a fluffing sagittarius, do you know how much i want to magically be a millionaire so i can pay for friends and my own medical stuff and go on traveling and adventures, be outside probably not camping bc as a pagan i know thats a death sentence but like be outside, lay on grass, go back to swimming because i used to swim competitively and due to health reasons i can barely even go in a pool anymore because theres too much sunlight which, bit plot twist i know, im fluffing allergic to vitamin D and the rays of the sun, so go figure, attempts to be healthy kill me more, i also cant eat most plants and am constantly dying from just eating food, they dont know whats wrong with me. i cant fix it by going ve/gan for a month inf act i tried and it almost made my heart stop thanks society. These arent excuses these are the lives of disabled and diseased and to a lesser but still very real point, ethnic lives every fluffing day. This is real shit and its murder and online and gaming? It may be all I have soon since I can’t just go out and make new friends cause, again, I’d fluffing die. I get sick going to the mall or the movie theater, I miss theme parks so much but have to minimize it to weeks i dont have work so i dont get fired for having a welt while working in the beauty industry. I may have to get a degree online and change my field entirely because of my illness that nobody understands. People even make fun of it constantly online and I wish I could just drop online entirely because of how unbelievably ableist the entirety of the world is, i wish i could drop humans in general for their ableism, but i cant. I don’t have choices in most cases, but throwing away people who maybe purposefully maybe unintentionally thats why i’m giving you this warning and will be repeating this warning for awhile, this is where i have choice. I have to use what little choice I have in life while I can since everytime i go to movies or a concert or a theme park i almost die because of not having an immune system that functions or being in certain air qualities pr being near plants or unclean people, I may not have much time and I gotta do whats best for what little mental health I have, and if that means dropping people i care about and really want to write with and do things with but who ignore me then, i guess so be it.

#out.#illness cw #health cw #food mention #ive been writing this since noon and its now two pm so this is great #i’s usually put this under a read more but... maybe most people dont deserve a read more rn lol #their behavior will keep being awful if its not pointed out to them so #im done im gonna go welt up from hugging my cat and cry for a bit because i feel mean

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jejciu · 5 years

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lots of rambling hidden under the readmore

i...... cant believe so much time has passed. i cant believe that ive spent six whole years doing something like that just for myself and myself only..... bc ive only started talking about midground like a year or so ago. before no one knew about it. and now i feel like it gets way too much attention than it deserves - since obv its not that good of a story, even. but it means, and always have meant so much to me, and brought me so much joy, and so much relief and distraction when i needed it..........

i remember i started writing it when i was slowly coming to terms with my gender and sexual identity. i havent called myself those terms ever before, it felt like i was only now starting to realize that i was in fact, both bisexual and transgender...... it was all so weird, and so confusing, and terribly, terribly painful. i remember thinking “just dont come out, dont come out, if u stay as a cishet, it’ll be okay bc no one will be homophobic nor transphobic towards u. and when u change ur mind, no one will know about ur weird phase.”

i couldnt understand how come i was in so much pain when no one knew i was bi+trans. why it hurt so badly when someone would use slurs around me. and the worst thing was with the church and all.... i was so desperate to seek approval of god, and at the same time, i hated all those priests and nuns who claimed that people like me were sick and unworthy of love. i left the church in the middle of a mass many times bc of what they would preach. one last time i went to confess my sins, to seek help, to seek support - i confessed to the priest that i am deeply depressed, that i wanna die and i dont feel loved by god as i am. no filters, just straight up told him how deeply i hated myself. and u know what he told me? he told me to “get over the boy”. to get. over. a boy.

a priest was straight up advising me to get over some nonexistent fucking breakup he just fucking assumed i went through, based solely on the fact that i told him that i am suicidal.

there was so much anger inside me when i heard it. so much pain and anger, and i couldnt believe that THIS MAN was hearing me say that i wanna die, and just assumed it was because an ex boyfriend hurt me. because like, that couldnt be what god wanted for me, right? there was no way god themself would tell me something like that.

i do still believe in god. i believe in trying to be a good person, i believe in heaven and hell, i believe in miracles and prophets. but i dont believe priests. i dont believe nuns. i dont believe christians. not all, obviously - but most of them dont know shit. most of them feel so superior for no fucking reason. it feels like as if they dont love anyone besides that made up, “idealized” image of god, homophobic, racist, transphobic, misogynistic, nationalist, ableist god.

i am thinking about it all, and now its all so clear for me, why have i started writing midground. because why else? i was writing a story of six kids my age (i was 18 at the time), who suddenly are responsible for who gets to hell and who gets to heaven. no one really knows who is right and who is wrong, theres no priests who share their ~magical knowledge~, because they dont know shit. the entirety of midground could be just described as “but how do we know if were doing the right thing? god doesnt communicate with us and we feel so lost”. i felt so hopeless for so many years, and the whole story - esp part three - reflects that so much, p sure i couldve as well just handed it to my therapist and tell her to diagnose me based on that.

anyway. this is getting way too fucking long. november 3rd is midgrounds sixth anniversary. feels like a milestone for no reason. but its not like a new thing for me, to get overly emotional for no reason. if u read this bs i love u

#its just all... very personal #feel free to ignore #im still so emotional and shit #maurycy talks

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bugsrepellsgant · 5 years

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OKIE ive been kicking this au around my brain for months so here’s an outline or whatever

WORKING TITLE: toki and pickles travel cross country to california like kermit and fozzie in the muppet movie OR toki and pickles do america

TL;DR toki and pickles are both 17-ish, the year is 199X, theyre hauling ass to socal to audition for SnB, but instead they accidentally get dethklok together and fall in love :-)

pickles has freshly stepped out and couch surfed his way to greenbay, and just managed to scrape together enough cash for a bus ride to minneapolis (going east to go west is counterintuitive and dumb but so is american public transport) BUT THEN

toki’s one-ish year out of home, has scraped together enough money working for runke to apply for a passport but once he gets to the offices oh no!!! he doesn’t have any proof of citizenship! and he’s a minor! aw fuck now he’s gotta stow away on an oil tanker cus staying isnt an option (yes this is paddington now)

he lands in boston harbor, gets far enough inland on foot and by ferry until he reaches GREEN BAY, WI and he’s a day or two of panhandling away from meeting the ticket fee BUT THEN

its friday night which means its fucking college football night which means SHITTY COLLEGE BROS HAVE DESCENDED UPON THE CITY!

pickles gets briefly needled for being short and ginger but u know he Lives hes been getting this kind of shit forever. HOWEVER toki is immediately singled out as a funny lookin, high voiced, gnome hat weirdo with an accent and he’s trying to laugh along ??? ha ha?? but its so Bad and pickles feels Bad but he’s gotta get outta here-

Oh God one of the bros tried to to take toki’s guitar away and toki flipped shit and its a fight now!! he’s outnumbered but our boy pickles intervenes!!! they’re winning? OH GOD SOMEONE CALLED THE FUCKING COPS

escape! safe; breathless in an alley; “hey whats yooooour name???” “toki!” “heheheheh toke-ki >B-)” “?????” “im pickles” “you namesed pickle???? ‘,:-/“ bla bla bla oh u play guitar? i play drums but i like guitar too there’s a band in LA i wanna play for ya wanna come with???

a car is obtained at... some point

and OH BOY DOES HE!

a long series of shenanigans occur! our boys get stopped, turned around, detoured, misdirected, all kinds of classic farce bullshit, later on we make and pick up friends at pitstops! a fellow highschool dropout with a killer voice in kissimmee, the best guitarist youve heard in your life dodging swedish mandatory service in chicago, a dude with the stankiest bassline (and feet) that side of the mississippi in the texas panhandle, a TOTAL buzzkill geek of a harvard freshman on summering at his family villa near denver, a cool headed, smart as hell, fuckin julliard composer in training who produces music FOR FUN visiting her family in downtown phoenix.

oh my GOD what is seth fucking DOING HERE is that lady his GIRLFRIEND is she PREGNANT what the HELL GO HOME IF YOU TELL MOM WHERE WE ARE ILL KILL YOU DEAD

seth’s also hanging out with this other guy who seems...... cool? you think? fun, talented, good at guitar like both our boys, pickles’ kinda guy to be honest? there’s something about him thats hard to trust though.

sharing hotel rooms, sleeping in truck beds, they get curious about each others lives? pickles clocked toki as a weird hick at first blush, and tbh he was right but? he went to highschool with farm kids and knows farm kid-weird from weird-weird and toki’s WEIRD-weird. and sweet. and funny. the polaroid in toki keeps of a man and a woman, the man in a reverend’s hat, makes pickles scared to ask. especially since toki’s been cool enough to mind his own business.

toki’s fascinated by pickles’ bouts of righteous anger. unlike runke, his rage has energy and intent, and the stunt he pulled in green bay was so nice and so COOL! he’s one such real cool guy with a cool leather jacket and cool hair... but Why is he so mad all the time? why does he drink so much, it doesnt even taste good? why does he STEAL drinks when they have no money? what happened to toki’s nice, cool, brand new friend pickle? something like what happened to toki? but? pickles is so Cool and Nice and NORMAL and toki is so Weird and Stupid and Wrong in ways toki’s horrified to let him discover. its better not to ask him, he guesses.

feelings get stronger as all the bad things come to light. crying hugs are had. pickles drops what was going to be bus money on a replacement V for toki and toki drops his panhandling dough on a goldtop for pickles.

WE FINALLY GET TO LA AND......? what the fuck

the glam/hair scene is dead in the water. Snakes n Barrels supernova’ed. no more audition. no more career. shit shit shit.

but all the friends weve made along the way are here for our boys! they’ll just start their OWN BAND!!!! TAMPA! MORDHAUS! DETHKLOK’S A-GO!! everythings comin up milhouse!

our boys are Officially *an item* and they ride into the sunset together, stirrup to stirrup, side by side. big gay kiss. the end :-)

OTHER THINGS THAT HAPPEN:

amber goes into labor during one of seth’s drop in visits and everyone gets emo about family as a concept, pickles and seth gave a heart to heart, no one is too metal for feelings when the baby comes bc life is beautiful

magnus pulls some scary/mean bs but its nothing too awful and theres forgiveness and lessons learnt and stuff.

the duel! but theres THREE GUITARISTS?????!!!!!!!!!! MAYBE FOUR?

toki and pickles will both have religious drama but pickles’ drama is more of a sidenote in his list of Issues (pickles’ family is probably catholic and i was raised catholic and i GOTTA project. i GOTTA)

lgbt themes because IM GAY and THEYRE GAY PRRRRBBBBT

murderface? finds love?? GAY LOVE???

this post is too long g-g-g’byeeeee!

#tickles #toki wartooth #pickles the drummer #LOOOOOONG POST OH MY GOD #4 AM????? HELLO?????

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californiadreaminghq · 5 years

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Oh good, you made it!

Did you guys know Rose was coming? She brought Birdie May, The Heart of Glass! And just on time! Grab a drink, find a spot, and make sure you finish everything on the checklist. The band is just getting started – you have 24 hours to send in your account! We’re so glad you’re here!

I. OUT OF THE STUDIO

NAME/ALIAS: Rose

AGE: 23

PRONOUNS: She/her

II. ON STAGE

DESIRED SKELETON: The Heart of Glass

NAME: Birdie May

FACE CLAIM: Lily James

AGE: 28

OCCUPATION: Concertina/Keys for Indigo Dusk

III. INTERVIEW

Answer the following questions in your character’s voice:

If you could do anything in the world for a living, what would it be?

“This! I’m doing it, aren’t I? I mean, sure, I’d love to get my go at the guitar once in a while, maybe do some writing, but other than that, it’s hard to imagine wanting anything else. This is the dream, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Nothing in the world could compare to this right here.”

If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?

“You know, it’s funny. I spent my whole childhood wishing I could get away, but now that I’m away, I’m just wishing I could get back home. It’s been a long while since I left, and I can’t remember the last time I saw a sky as blue or night as peaceful/…listening to cicadas in the summer…sittin’ on the porch, some sweet tea…Joey runnin’ ‘round the yard chasin’ Red…” She lost herself in the memories, that too familiar yearning for a time long gone. No amount of wishing could make it all come back - even if it could, she knew the memories were sweeter than the reality. “Of course, Los Angeles is beautiful, but you know…“there’s no place like home”! That starts to seem more true each and every day.”

What is one thing that makes you different than anyone else?

“My winning smile! Nah, I’m just kidding you! I don’t think there’s anything that makes me all that different from anybody. I’m just another girl who loves music. There’s lots of us out there, especially in LA. But I don’t know, maybe my name? You don’t find too many people named Birdie, do ya?”

IV. BACKSTAGE

(death cw, alcoholism cw, restrictive diets cw)

The woman we know today as Birdie May was actually born May Beth Dixon. Sixth child to a farmer and a seamstress in rural North Carolina, little May had to fight to get even a hint of attention. Her older brothers and sisters had their loud shouting voices to break through the crowd while May was, what it seemed like at the time, cursed with an itty bitty bird voice. What were her chirps to her siblings’ roars? If it weren’t for her little brother, Joseph, or Joey as May liked to call him, it’s likely she’d never be heard at all. Joey was everything to May - her sun, moon, and stars, and she’d never let him forget it. Every morning began with a big ol’ “I love you”! and every night ended with the same. They were a team, Joey and May, especially when the family was hard up for cash, which was pretty much always. More often than not, they had to ration a day’s worth of food to last a week, and it was four to a bed in their tiny cabin, but somehow, they made ends meet. That is, till Joey got sick.

It didn’t happen often, someone catching an illness in the family, but when it caught, it never let go. The doctor said it was some kind of flu, but that didn’t really matter in the end. By the time, he was able to get checked out, Joey was already gone. He was eight years old.

In times of trauma, a family can act in one of two ways: they get close or they grow apart. In the case of the Dixons, there was nothing good to come out of their grief. May’s dad tried to manage with a bottle. And another. And another. He’d end up drinking so much that he’d pass out and lay in bed all day. Of course, the effect this had on everyone else was nothing short of devastating, especially considering they were dealing with Joey’s death too - or at least trying to. It’s hard to grieve when you gotta make sure the cows are fed, the crops are watered, and there’s some kind of food on the table. Mama grew distant, and May’s brothers and sisters did nothing but work. There was no time to breathe, no time to think, no time to live.

Sometime during her 16th year, May ran away from home. She took her father’s old guitar, a flask of whiskey for courage, and the one picture she had of Joey. Hitting the road, little May hitchhiked her way West. Where exactly she was going, she didn’t know, but that didn’t matter. She just had to get out of there. If she was gonna survive in this life, she couldn’t stay in that tiny cabin. She’d die in there - just like Joey.

Hitchhiking cross country might not’ve been the safest thing to do, but thankfully, minus the occasional creep, she avoided any huge bumps in the road. For the most part, people were friendly and happy to help out a wayward traveler, especially one with such a spirit. Since she had no money, May would thank her saviors with a song or two, if they were up for it. She’d sing them her favorites: Patsy Cline, Johnny Cash, Buddy Holly. If they were enjoying themselves, she’d give ‘em an original or two - if she was feeling frisky, she’d make one up on the spot. This was how she got herself all the way to Los Angeles. It was unlike any city she’d ever seen (granted, the only “city” she knew was Boone with a population at around 3,000), and May could feel it in her bones, this place was gonna last her awhile.

With the success of her musical hitchhiking adventures, and virtually no skills aside from farming and the instruments she picked up when she was young, May decided to try her luck at busking. It got her a few dollars - enough to grab some food, but it definitely wasn’t enough to live off of. This was when she met her first love. Well, he was a love at the time through May’s eyes, but anyone not clouded by cupid would recognize the ugly truth. She saw him as her knight in shining armor, while he saw her as a cute country hick he could use for a little bit and then toss back onto the street. The end of that relationship initiated a string of similar relationships: May finding someone who promised their heart, only to have them crush hers instead. All the while, she kept playing her music, not knowing if anything would come of it, but it felt right. Through everything, there was the music.

Eventually, her persistence paid off: May was discovered and started playing in a band. From then on out, things were looking up. Were. Since joining the band, her professional life has certainly grown by leaps and bounds, but her personal life, well…let’s just say, you can take the girl out of the mess, but you can’t take the mess out of the girl, and if there’s one thing the celebrity news media loves, it’s a mess. She tries to stay out of it, but there comes a point where she’s also gotta live her life. The only thing is, how do you do that without adding fuel to the fire? With every new headline, she wonders if that’ll ever be possible. And is it all even worth it? Yes. Yes, of course it is, but that doesn’t mean it’s not hard.

V. ENCORE

first of all, i know i said danielle campbell, but we’ll ignore thataslkjfh

i’m really excited for miss birdie’s growth. right now, she still depends greatly on others for her happiness, but i hope to see her independence grow as she’s developed and interacts in the plot!! honestly, my ultimate goal is for her to grow into a no bs-having, fully confident in herself dolly-like figure. we’ll have to see if that actually happens for her!

also, i tried to keep her initial involvement with indigo dusk vague in the bio since i don’t wanna step on visions of how the group was actually formed!

i made a pinterest board for her here and a playlist for her here! (tbh, i’ll probably be adding to them until the submit closesasjkdfh)

a headcanon i have: when may joined indigo dusk, it was decided she needed a stage name (may beth dixon didn’t really have the kind of ring to it they were wanting), so she kept her first name as her last, and came up with “birdie” because that was the nickname joey gave her whenever she’d sing to him.

#accepted

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firewindmill · 6 years

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Nemo, my buddy. My guy. Please PLEASE tell me that “Voltron remake” is just me hallucinating or having nightmares. 😩 Please tell me people are not actually pulling this racist bs and even calling Shiro fxcking ‘Hachiko’.. I can’t...

I ACTUALLY HAVE THOUGHTS ON THIS AND TWEETED ABOUT IT IVE BEEN STEAMED ABOUT IT THAT ITS PUSHED ME TO SPEAK ABOUT IT ON MY DAMN RADIO PROGRAM HANG ON OH MY GOD. I was like..should i say this on this hell site…okay I’m gonna give you my 2 cents and more, from both my radio and art account where the salt leaks.

I tweeted this earlier over here:

How do I say this…we should be thankful for the content that we didn’t get as kids NOW and fight for what we want NOW for future generations in the areas of ideal representation in media. It’s never going to be perfect in the beginning because it’s never been done before. Everyone has to crawl before they take their first baby step, walk and then run. It’s just how things work, or you put the work you wanna see in the world with your own original work. That’s what I’m seeing these days for queer representation in media, on TV or cartoons.There’s a lot of stuff big companies are not gonna pick up on and many people want different things but you need to celebrate those baby steps and encourage more work CONSTRUCTIVELY to take things places it hasn’t been before.Also put your money where your mouth is. And don’t attack queer people while playing fake progressive and using outdated queer tropes that harmed our communities or weaponizing other tropes without understanding what they actually mean when applied.

Then after hearing more about what the fucking reboot was doing, I had this to say this over here and its sad because Lance isn’t even my top favorite character, I love him now but he isn’t my favorite compared to Pidge, Hunk, Keith and Shiro.

Lmao can unaffected latinx folks not speak over latinx folks that are affected AND offended by renaming L*nce to Le*ndro.Y'all not get the nuance and history of getting easy to pronounce names for English speakers vs a “Spanish” sounding name. When my mom was a kid, her brothers all had different but traditionally Hispanic names as it would go, my uncles Octavio, Raul, Jesse, Gerardo.Teachers would mispronounce Raul as “Roll” “Rall” & kids would call my uncle Octavio “oco the taco man”My mom didn’t wanna fuck w that. So when she had my sister and I, she named me after my(her) godmother Sara (this is now my deadname because I’m queer) and named my sister Elizabeth(she prefers Lizard now) because she didn’t want her kids to go through that shit. So uh, its racist to be searching for a more “Spanish” sounding name for our identities to be exploited for whites to jerk off to cause it’s “exotic” and “different”. Don’t talk to me if you disagree and stay in your lane. I could never stand w that bigoted side of fandom, hesitated to call it what it is but bigotry bleeds into everything we do, even in fandom spaces & I will not associate with anyone who’s “okay” with it.AU’s are one thing.Reboots consisting of bigoted entitlement is another.

You’re not hallucinating and quite frankly, I’d be keeping receipts on this since their racism is out in the open publicly and keep it up to hold them accountable if they’re gonna change and serve as a reminder of the monsters they once were. But I’m not fucking surprised considering the atrocious way they’ve treated other fans, treated their own fellow shippers, treated US, many that are in the groups that identify with Shiro one way or another whether we’re queer, disabled, Asian, mentally ill or a mix of 2, 3 or all of these aspects, the REAL, tangible and quite frankly the most progressive I’ve seen in any form of media because it’s INTERSECTIONAL and not based on disgusting tokenism. Some folks are saying oh I wanted to give it a chance, give it the benefit of the doubt…let me tell you something that hasn’t steered me wrong.

Never give the benefit of the doubt. People will tell you what they want you to know, and what these people want us to know is that they want their old fashioned stereotypes where queer people are predators, poc are their stereotypes, are the same, and will exploit identities like the latest jerk off material for their fake woke points. I’ve thought to myself…Nemo…you shouldn’t be using academic language on prejudice and oppression in fandom spaces…these are fictional and that’s real life.

But now I’m gonna say what I’ve held to myself for literally since the beginning of the discourse because I was here when Voltron was being talked about in articles, BEFORE it launched on Netflix

Antis in fandom are experiencing extreme cognitive dissonance and fragility that is commonly seen in privileged groups. They say one thing but disagree with the idea when its presented to them in an actual realistic manner and what they’ve done, and always have done is reacted in a series of defensive moves when they’re challenged on their bigotry and supremacy, internalized or otherwise, then self-destruct as they’re doing now, showing the faces that many of us have already known or seen. Some are just realizing it now but its better now then never seeing or acknowledging it. Contrary to popular belief, sometimes fake liberalism is just as if not more harmful than straight up alt-right people being open about it because the former sneaks up on you and kills you if you let it, and that’s coming from someone who’s lived in the culture of the passive aggressive midwest of the United States all my life.

I’m so sorry this got so fucking long but mark my words, I’ll never accept any form of bigotry in my personal online spaces, and will be muting the tag and unfollow/block anyone i’m following as I see fit because I cannot and will not stand by that behavior.

#vld wank #fandom wank #i haven't been able to sit still more than 30 minutes because i have to pace and this fucking reboot bullshit gives me hives #i've already talked about how amazing shiro is but to see this?? fucking incredible to show their ugly faces #i feel like some twisted version of scooby doo where i unmask the monster but the mask stays on cause IT'S BEEN A MONSTER ALL ALONG #anon #anonymous #ask #answered #salt #racism #bigotry

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birdiethebibliophile · 6 years

Text

{fic} That Old Sweet Feeling (part 31)

Fandom: The Adventure Zone: Commitment Rating: M Chapter Warnings: None Relationship: Nadiya Jones/Mary Word Count: 1,237

Here on AO3. Read the rest: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30

Tagging @someone-called-f1nch, @voidfishkid, @mellowstarscape, and @jumpboy-rembrandt!

Holy shit, I can’t believe we’re finally here. It’s been eight months - almost exactly - in the making. The longest thing I’ve ever written, and the thing I’m (so far) most proud of. Thank you everyone for sticking with me, especially everybody from the TAZ Commitment Discord.

I love you all.

Chapter Summary: A soft epilogue.

__________________

“No, Mom, I’m fine. I’m talking to you. I couldn’t do that if I wasn’t fine.”

Nadiya glanced up at a soft tap on her door. There was Mary Sage, wearing a t-shirt and worn jean shorts and holding a potted plant. She waved.

Nadiya smiled and motioned her in. “I mean, yeah, you can fly out if you want. Aren’t England to California, like, literally as far from each other as physically possible, though?” She paused to give Mary Sage a careful, one-armed hug. “Okay, okay! Call me when you get in, okay? I can give you the hospital address.

“No, Dad isn’t coming. Yeah. He emailed me yesterday, you know how he doesn’t like to talk on the phone. Said he was in the middle of something, but if I needed him, he could – yeah, no. Mom, it’s fine. My friends are taking good care of me. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She smiled. “Yeah. Looking forward to seeing you. Love you too.”

Nadiya hung up and set the cell phone on the table by her hospital bed, next to where Mary Sage had put the plant. “Hey, Space Cadet.”

“Hey, Reed Richards.” Mary Sage kissed her on the cheek. “How ya feelin’?”

“Less like shit than I did yesterday,” Nadiya said. “Or the day before. So that’s progress. That plant’s not going to last a week – I’ve killed every plant I’ve ever had.”

“It’s the thought that counts,” Mary Sage said brightly, settling on the hospital bed with a slight bounce. “That was your mom?”

“Yeah. Apparently she saw the news and decided to fly halfway across the world to make sure I was all right. Good to know that something will make that happen, even if it had to be a life-threatening situation.” Nadiya rolled her eyes, but couldn’t help smiling again.

It wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t going to be perfect, between them, but her mom was making an effort, and maybe that was step one.

“Surprised it took this long,” Mary Sage commented.

“It didn’t make international news until this morning, I think.”

Martine may have shot the screens at the press conference, but Jonesy’s camera had still been up and working throughout their entire confrontation in the back room. She and Grace had retrieved the footage and disseminated it to every news outlet they could. As it turned out, it didn’t reflect well on Martine that she ordered the cold-blooded murder of multiple people on camera. Every security officer in the place had been on her as soon as they could get past her guards, anyways.

Because Martine wasn’t dead. What Mary Sage had done – whatever she had done – had ruptured the connections Martine had had with the former members of the Do-Good Fellowship, as well as the people who’d received stimplants since then. According to the news, she was suffering “unexpected neurological side effects” from what had happened.

“Oh, cry me a river,” Mary Sage had said when she heard. “I didn’t have a choice when she fucked up my brain. I’m not sorry.”

Now, Mary Sage flopped back with Nadiya, carefully avoiding her arm with the IV in it. “We heard from Jamie this morning,” she told Nadiya. “She wanted to know whether it was all true. We said yeah, an’ told her about the whole victim of war crimes protection thing or whatever. Sounds like she’s goin’ back to Eureka.”

“I’m glad,” Nadiya said, and was surprised to realize she meant it. “What about the others?”

“I think Irene’s been talkin’ to Flanagan, but Kardala’s been real cagey about it,” Mary Sage said, snickering. “She did say they were good, though, Addison an’ Flanagan. Figurin’ stuff out. Pridmore an’ Abbey are still hangin’ around. I think Grace got ahold of Joe this morning?”

Nadiya made a sound that she hoped adequately conveyed her utter contempt for and disregard for one Joe Carbinner.

“Aw, shut up,” Mary Sage said, giggling. “I know you hate him, but he got screwed over by the Fellowship as much as any of us.”

“Sure.” Nadiya smiled as Mary Sage’s absent fingers found the bracelet she was still wearing and started fiddling with it. “Has, uh… How’s Remy doing?”

“Not great,” Mary Sage said frankly. “Kinda the same as you. Today was better than yesterday was better than the day before. Somebody called him last night – his brother? He cried a lot an’ when he got off the phone he gave everybody a big hug, an’ he’s seemed a little better since then.”

“And you told him I want to see him?”

“Yeah. Might be a couple days, still. I think he knows it wasn’t his fault, but he’s still pretty messed up about it.”

Nadiya sighed. “I guess I don’t blame him. He probably got the worst of this, and that’s counting that I literally got stabbed.” She settled back further into her pillows. “You ever feel like… you can’t quite believe it’s over?”

“Every second,” Mary Sage said without hesitation. “Shit, Nad, this all started for us way before we even knew it had. I know it’s not, like, over over, with Martine’s trial we gotta testify at an’ everything, and figurin’ out what the hell we’re gonna do now, but… I talked to a lawyer this morning, Nad. A lawyer. He said he’s gonna help me get my parents out of jail, and he only had to look at the case file for like, a second before he said there was more hinky stuff goin’ on than it even seemed like at first. Bribes an’ shit. Didja know that forbidding contact with family members in prison without due cause is a crime?”

“No, but it makes sense. Have they found Richard yet?”

“Yeah, as soon as they raided Martine’s place. He’s under arrest too – aiding an’ abetting. And treason,” Mary Sage added. “Sylvane’d be under arrest too, but he’s in the hospital right now, an’ he’s sayin’ he was controlled like Remy. I call BS, but I guess the feds can figure that one out.”

“God, I want to get out of here,” Nadiya grumbled. “I hate having to hear everything secondhand.”

“Hey, Nad, guess what I realized?” Mary Sage, sitting up and grinning.

“What?”

“Now that we’re not on the run, we can actually go on dates an’ shit if we want,” Mary Sage said. “There’s a bunch of real great places in San Francisco. I’ve been checkin’ ‘em out so we can go when you get out of the hospital. Bookstores an’ ice cream places an’ coffeeshops an’ whatever. I dunno, that’s what you do for dates, right? I’ve only been on, like, one, an’ we went to Olive Garden, an’ I left early.”

“That’s one more than I’ve been on,” Nadiya admitted. “But that sounds… really good. And then I guess we’ll have to start apartment shopping, huh?”

“Yeah, eventually, once we know where we wanna live,” Mary Sage agreed. “Plus finding jobs, I guess. But we don’t have to worry about that yet, right?”

“Nah,” Nadiya said. “Let’s get through this first. Let everything reset and settle down. And in the meantime, yeah, let’s go on a bunch of dates.”

“Sounds good to me,” Mary Sage said, and kissed the corner of Nadiya’s mouth. “There’s that old sweet feeling again,” she whispered. “You feel it too?”

“Yeah,” Nadiya said. “I do.”

-----

(Tomorrow will take care of itself.)

#taz #taz commitment #taz fanfiction #nadiya jones #irene baker #kardala #mary sage #space cadet #christopher rembandt #remy #the adventure zone #the adventure zone commitment #taz: c #that old sweet feeling #tosf #mine #wow... I made it

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