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raayllum · 1 year

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TDP and Water Symbolism

With Book 5 all but being confirmed as Ocean, it made me want to take a look back at what water represents in the series in general. Most prominently, of course, for Rayla for obvious reasons, but also where and how water symbolism pops up for some other characters, such as Ezran and Callum, scattered throughout the show.

Water often symbolizes healing and rebirth, rivers with pathways, destiny and drowning (particularly for women, such as Ophelia from Hamlet and the Lady of Shalott) and the Ocean unpredictability, power, chaos, and the depths. The Ocean is also often the site of obsession (Ahab and Moby Dick) as well as desire (siren myths) and the struggle to find your way home (Odysseus). There are some tenets of all of this throughout TDP, but we’ll work our way through as well as discuss the limited specifics of what we know of the Ocean primal from Tales of Xadia and additional information from Callum’s Spellbook.

Water as Reflection

Lujanne: This is the Moon Nexus. It reflects the moon perfectly. When the moon is full, its light completely fills the lake.

This is the one that’s most overtly related to Aaravos, perhaps, as well as in line with Ocean and Moon’s direct connection in show. Water/ice reflects, mirrors reflect, and tether the two together. The characters who are most heavily associated with reflection in this manner are Viren and Callum, of course, with Rayla as well, although Claudia, Soren (with his sword), and Ezran (with his father’s sword and eventual crown) have their moments as well.

Moreover, all of this moments of reflection for Rayla are moments where she feels like she’s failing, or has failed. “I guess I was just afraid of being afraid” / “But you didn’t run. They have it all wrong” “Does it matter?” / “I’m not good enough and I never will be.” While many other characters are tied to reflection as noted above, Rayla (and Ethari and Callum with her) are the only characters we see be reflected by water in this way.

However, there are even more ways water is woven into Rayla’s arc, so let’s talk about it

Water as Fear, Bravery, and Shame

Rayla’s first test as an assassin takes place in the rain, but she is unable to go through with it. This is a ‘failure’ that haunts her even into season four, perhaps best summed up in how she mirrors Runaan in these conversations from 1x01 and 1x08 respectively.

Rayla: The human looked up at me and I saw the fear in his eyes. Runaan: Of course he was afraid! But you had a job to do!

Ezran: Yeah, but then you saw he was scared, and you knew he was a person, just like you. Rayla: That shouldn’t have mattered. I had a job to do.

Rayla’s relationship to fear reaffirms the idea that recognizing personhood - her own or anyone else’s - is also a signifier of weakness (laid out more directly, perhaps, in the S1 novelization), and is incredibly Moonshadow of her: “Moonshadow elves aren’t supposed to show fear, ever.” Which is why Rayla is typically confronted with the water-shame duality when she is trying to either ignore someone else’s personhood, or is having her own erased, best seen with her crossing the river in 1x02 on her way to try and be a proper assassin.

Which is why 1x05 is when the shift between what she’s supposed to be - an assassin - and who she truly is - a hero starts to transform water as only a weakness to a showcasing of bravery.

C: That was brave, Rayla. R: No, I already told you, I’m afraid of water. C: I know. That’s why doing what you did was so heroic. R: Oh... Thanks.

And why the assassin pool bearing the literal symbol of shame - the symbol of her just surviving when it was dictated that she shouldn’t have - is what justifies literally erasing her, and turning her into a Ghost. Which, we’ll return to the pond more later, don’t you worry.

If you’d like more thoughts on Rayla with water in this specific trifecta (+ bonus Callum feels), I’d recommend checking out this old but very worthwhile meta I wrote on the subject a couple months after S3 came out and back before I had a water motif tag (like a fool). Through the Moon adds some layers to this, with Rayla being driven into the portal out of fear, primarily, that Viren is still out there, as well as out of love for her family and Callum. But again more on TTM as well later, because I want to talk about the real kicker, I think, which is

The River As A Symbol of Destiny

This is something that ATLA actually used beforehand (mostly purely as a metaphor) that was then brought more directly to TDP as both a metaphorical and now literal/motif thing.

Destiny? What would a boy know of destiny? If a fish lives its whole life in a river, does it know the river’s destiny? No! Only that it flows on and on, out of his control. He may follow where it flows, but he cannot see the end. He cannot imagine the ocean.

—Avatar: The Last Airbender, 1x15, the Deserter

V: Life is like a river. R: Oh great. That’s exactly what I was afraid of. V: You can’t see too far ahead. I can’t see at all, as I might’ve mentioned before. You don’t know where the river of life will bend and turn. You don’t know where it will go at all. R: How is that supposed to helpful? V: Don’t try to control where the river goes. There’s one thing you can know and control: yourself. Look at yourself. Who are you, Rayla? What do you stand for? Once you know that, then wherever the river takes you, you’ll be right where you were always meant to be.

We see Rayla seemingly answer this question for herself by using something Callum told her as a basis for a new worldview: breaking the cycle. “Saving that dragon doesn’t just feel like the right thing to do, it feels like the right thing for me to do. It’s where I’m meant to be.” However, this is precisely the choice we see her walk back in 4x05.

So the River is tied to Destiny as a concept and having choice and self actualization for what you can control. This is tied, then, to Callum helping to give her a path forward for the choices she wants to make, tethering this to their relationship in general and the importance of giving each other agency.

But this specific connection to the River of Destiny, per se, is imo solidified in Bloodmoon Huntress with these panels.

There’s a few in-universe reasons for this panel/callback, of course. The first is show that Rayla wasn’t always afraid of water and that nearly drowning in BH is what likely created that fear. It’s the first instance in the graphic novel of Rayla’s heroism and loyalty, her desire to protect/save other people before Suroh, a Skywing boy in big trouble, comes barrelling into her life - even if it’s just a tiny Adoraburr who is basically her best friend in an increasingly peerless childhood.

And, of course, at the time of BH’s release, we all assumed this was largely a reference and setup to Rayla’s choice to leave at the end of Through the Moon in order to, in her eyes, ultimately protect him (even at great cost to herself and their happiness together). This is because, of course, Callum is famously her best friend with a big speech in 3x01 all about it: “He’s my friend... My best friend.”

This has taken on an even deeper meaning thanks to season four, though, following Aaravos taking control of Callum, his worry over a path of darkness, and Rayla’s associations with light. Because, of course, there is every implication that Aaravos’ prison is 1) under the water in the Sea of the Castout and 2) that Callum already tends to get swept up in things unintentionally / without thinking.

All of this to say, of course, that Aaravos and his prison are the river that Callum has already been swept up by, symbolized by all of the above as well as the Ocean rune on the Key of Aaravos being displayed at particularly opportune times.

So Rayla, here, is not just speaking of her future desire to protect him in Through the Moon, but not even necessarily to keep from playing into Aaravos’ hands (which is what killing him would do) but to guide him and keep him safe, no matter what it takes. Which reflects the framing of the shots when she arrives: “Then take another path, dummy!” The River of Destiny is fast, but she won’t let him get swept away.

Even if choosing Rayla (and subsequently breaking out of the brainwashing) may not be enough to fully stop Aaravos’ plan (as he still has to get out, after all — this is one river that’s inevitable).

Drowning

Of course, alongside destiny and shame, etc. there is also the dark side to water, re: drowning. We see this most prominently featured for each of the trio, with Ezran almost dying in 1x06, Callum’s dark magic dreams in 2x08, as well as Rayla nearly drowning in both BH and TTM, anchoring her childhood and much of her subsequent present day trauma tied together with a neat little bow, ready to unravel at a moment’s notice.

The fact that Callum’s use of dark magic also ties itself to drowning, directly, when it could’ve been anything (something choking him, perhaps, to hammer home / foreshadow Aaravos’ future grip over him) is also interesting to me, precisely because it ties the two so together. And that, thus far, we haven’t seen this drowning motif extended to anyone outside of the main trio, either.

The fact that both in and outside of the dream scape, Callum smashing the primal stone is what causes him to at first metaphorically, and then literally begin drowning, is particularly apt, symbolism wise. Down to Berto, a winged creature, lifting Villads from the wreckage only for Callum to realize that he is the wing once he has a guiding presence in Sarai. This is a lovely parallel between the boys as well, with Sarai guiding Ezran under the ice in the book one novelization, and makes me think about love as a guiding force through the storm; Sarai for her sons, Rayla on either side of the storm for Callum, and Callum for her in TTM, and how this may be repeated in Book 5, whether it’s Rayla’s parents saving her somehow, Callum, both, or something else entirely.

(It should also be noted that Callum and Rayla mutually save each other in TTM as well. Callum goes in after her when she’s in danger, but loses the phoenix feather to guide them back on the way down. He manages to help Rayla grab it, and then she goes back for him, and they swim out together, toward the light.)

The Ocean Arcanum

(Almost) last but not least I want to talk about the associations given canonically to the Ocean arcanum in the series’ extended material from both the Primal Source quiz, Callum’s Sketchbook, and Tales of Xadia.

Like all rivers flow to the sea, you know everything and everyone is connected. A peaceful soul, you value friendship, love, and family above all else in life. Empathetic and outgoing, you make friends easily, and people are drawn to your personality. In life, you’re willing to go with the flow, and you can adapt to pretty much anything and keep a cool head. You wear your heart on your sleeve, and with love so easily given, betrayal and lies strike you deeply — you are icy and unforgiving only to those who dare strike at your big heart.

Flexibility, Transformation, Flow, Awareness, Navigation, Surface Level V.S. Depth

This is reflected in the magic that Ocean mages wield: dynamic, forceful, reaching everywhere and anywhere, within and without. It can also become surprisingly powerful in rain, giving this primal a powerful synergy with the Sky primal. Ocean magic also includes ice magic, giving mages another powerful offensive and defensive tool.

All of these were released years apart (the primal quiz shortly after S1 in 2018, Callum’s Spellbook after S3 in 2020, and Tales of Xadia in 2021) but they all have similar common threads. There is an emphasis on connection, ice magic, flexibility (change), as well as tantalizing teases regarding the Sky arcanum. And of course as previously touched upon, the Moon famously affects real life tides.

But like, how do we know that this stuff is going to be consistently carried into the show, and it’s not just padding for supplementary material? Well, that’s because It Already Has.

Navigation and Transformation

Are perhaps the most direct ones we’ll see in S5, building upon prior associations with water the show has displayed, particularly in S2. The Ocean is tied to Callum’s journey of discovering sky magic, as he learns the winds from Villads on the ship of the Ruthless, and then later is directed into his own consciousness by a similar manner. He’s learning how to navigate and Villads’ advice to Callum mirrors the exact advice he gives to Rayla about the river, too.

Don’t try to control where the river winds go. There’s one thing you can know and control, yourself your sail.

This is jointly reflected by a con skit performed in 2019 to hype up S3 by Callum and Rayla’s VAs. While again this would be easy to write off, I hesitate to for three reasons: 1) we know thanks to TDP’s production schedule they were already working on S4 at this time, 2) the skit is called Written in the Stars and although silly, some of what is discussed matches up thematically and helped me call the Rayllum “light and darkness” motif months in advance, and 3) there are things from the S4 star chart referenced in the skit, such as Garlaf and his bandolier of skulls, the mama / baby banther, etc and most notably, the South Star, which Callum says:

What about that? Brightest star in the sky. A single point of light. We call it the South Star. Humans used it to navigate, you know, to find their way in the endless darkness of the night.

So it seems pretty clear that Season Five, with Callum and Rayla now getting to navigate their relationship, in addition to water’s ties to Rayla’s emotional state (the surface vs depths reflecting both her and Aaravos’ possible pasts, his watery prison, etc) all being compounded together. Either Aaravos or Rayla (or maybe both of them) will be his South Star in S5. And, in addition to Callum’s Spellbook, this is the only real time navigation is brought up in series, so I’m gonna take it.

Now that that’s ‘settled’, let’s look at Ocean / water as Transformation. This is of course seen in how Callum goes into the water in his dreams in 2x08, but then resurfaces with help from his mother and is reborn in a sense, literally filled with new breath, as he comes to understand the Sky arcanum. We also see this idea of Transformation being tied to the Ocean and Moon arcanums an equal amount in something like Phoe-Phoe, and as well as in TTM in general.

The Moon Arcanum is all about change.

Phoe-Phoe is reborn on the water. The water transforms Rayla’s fear to bravery. Rayla’s talk with Villads helps give her direction as much as he gives it to Callum, each unlocking how they are going to break the cycle; for Rayla, it’s being a protector and defender (even if still at cost to herself, but that’s a meta for another day). For Callum, he becomes a sky primal mage.

Which is to say, if you’ve been keeping track, Sky and Moon are uniquely tethered in series to the Ocean in ways none of the other primals currently seem to be. Sky and Ocean share overlap in spells and associations (drowning, navigation, breath, travel). Ocean and Moon likewise share overlap in association (transformation, reflections, depths, etc). So it would be exceedingly fitting if S5 is when Rayla and Callum end up fully reconciling, given that Ocean seems to, magically, be where Sky and Moon meet halfway. The water and experiences at the Nexus is what broke them apart, so of course water will also be what brings them together.

Water as the Cycle

More generally, due to its varied associations, Water is tied to Life ad Death throughout the series. In some ways, it is probably associated with the Cycle directly as much as Moon is, both tied to inherently cyclical things that may change, but always come back to themselves. TTM makes this connection overt

But it is there in other places as well. An assassin’s flower, placed in a circular pond of water, floats so long as they live and breathe. Rayla leaves and returns, consistently, like the tide, leaving over and over again, but also returning whenever she can (or whenever Callum chases after her to bring her back from the brink).

In a lot of ways, Callum and Rayla both do this to each other, leaving and then returning, always circling back to one another or moving in patterns.

Every time they walk away (die) they also return (live). This element of perpetual ebb and and flow and rebirth is also seen in other characters like Sol Regem, and even indeed the longstanding associations of boats and the underworld in Greek and Egyptian myth in particular, ferrying people to the afterlife (Greek myth a cited inspiration for the series, with the Egyptian mythos more sneakily woven in).

Seen perhaps most prominently in Callum reckoning with his stepfather’s death and reading Harrow’s letter in the belly of Villads’ boat.

Conclusion

Book 5: Ocean is gonna Slap, and I cannot wait, thank you goodnight.

#tdp #the dragon prince #tdp rayla #rayllum #tdp callum #water motif #tdp meta #analysis series #analysis #multi #the cycle #parallels #might honestly be some of the most fun i've had working on a meta #bc they surprisingly/unsurprisingly worked their way in #personal fave #every separation is a link #devil and the lovers

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goldenheartstudios · 8 months

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I wanna talk about Xiaolin Showdown's iconic betrayal scene

Disclaimer: I would have said that this post has spoilers for the show.. but does it still count if this is a cartoon from 2003? I dunno

Anyway, time to indulge into my hyperfixation once again

You see, there are shows that do something which can be seen as an interesting twist for that era. It can be seen as something special, iconic, recognizable, because of the way it was presented and the idea that it brought up

Even if there were shows who did that idea before, the show can still make it into something special that can bring a twist to its episodic structure it showed from the start

For me, Xiaolin Showdown brought that special twist with its introduction with Mala Mala Jong

For a show that seemed like an episodic lesson-of-the-week kind of cartoon, it showed its attention and care for continuity by telling us that they kept track of which Shen Gong Wu belonged to which, and by providing us a cool looking villain that was defeated in an interesting way

And, well, what made this thing even more special was the introduction to the first arc of the series that brought a full-on twist to its episodic style, being also the first arc that needed a short recap at the start of the episodes

The betrayal arc

Which is something that I want to analyze

First of all, what makes it interesting is the fact that Raimundo, a protagonist, willingly sided with the bad guys. No mind control, no corruption, and not even possession

It was his choice to join Wuya, which made it on more impactful when he chose to do the right thing in the end

Secondly, his betrayal is also interesting because it seems that what led to it was something simple, but you can actually go deeper into it

If you think about it, its possibility was hinted from episode 5, and what led to the betrayal is a series of circumstances and motives

Let me explain

At the beginning of the show, each monk got their special episode, where they get to fight their own showdown and show more about themselves. Omi got episode 1, Clay got episode 2, Kimiko got episode 3, and Rai got episode 5 (episode 4 showed a Shen Gong Wu that was useful in defeating Mala Mala Jong)

In his episode, Raimundo showed a desire to be active, ingenuity, arrogance, bravery, and most importantly, his reaction to failure: irritation, frustration, crossing his arms, deflective/defensive behavior, and closing himself off from others

He’s the kind of person who avoids showing vulnerability by keeping a lot of his emotions inside and showing tendencies of self-isolation, especially when he’s experiencing failure. One thing to keep in mind is that he later on showed determination of proving himself only after Fung went to talk to him, who he helped him redirect his frustration and energy to something productive

In episode 8 we get to see more of his bravery, heroism and even self-sacrificial tendencies, by facing the Sapphire Dragon on his own in order for his friends to have a chance to escape

And aside from hints of his kindness and care throughout every episode (up till episode 11 at least), episode 9 clearly showed his care & brotherly behavior from his worry that he had towards Omi being lost in New York

Although, episode 11 showed him being annoyed at both Kimiko & Clay, and how his frustration can lead to him wanting to distance himself from others

All of these are important elements for the season finale

Now let’s go to episode 12. The monks having to run away with their Shen Gong Wu is a direct conflict with Raimundo’s traits & beliefs: he hates staying still, he has a tendency to be heroic, he doesn’t like to feel defeat from the enemy and most importantly, he has a strong desire to protect others

So him staying away from an enemy that he only heard how strong he is, an enemy that was endangering Fung & the other people from the temple, was not an option in his mind

And just like in episode 8, he went to face the enemy alone in a desire to protect

And naturally, he was punished by this

Honestly, I really like this moment. In other shows, the character could have been appreciated, praised or even rewarded for this act of bravery (My Hero Academia being an example of that), because this is an heroic act, right? Because the character went to face an enemy, when others were running away and trying to think of a way to defeat it while people were in danger

Here, this was not rewarded. It was rightfully seen as reckless, because being a hero is not just about acting. It’s about doing the right thing, it’s about knowing when it’s the best to act on instinct, and when it’s the best to take a moment and think on how you can help

Intention is not enough, as you can have the best intentions and still endanger the ones close to you

Master Fung was right not to reward him for this

And naturally, Rai doesn’t understand the reason at this moment of time. Because in his perspective, having the heart of a hero is enough, having the bravery to act in times of crisis and help others is enough. He still has yet to learn that you have to first think of a plan before acting, that a hero needs to be brave and wise

This situation is understandable on both sides. Master Fung sees the flaw in Raimundo’s act and doesn’t reward him for it in order to prevent it to become a habit, and Rai doesn’t yet understand what he was missing in his action and sees this as being unappreciated, as being a failure

And just like episode 5, he reacts to this failure like the last time: deflection, frustration, and isolating himself from others

As he walks off, Omi tells the others to leave him be, as this is Rai’s journey for self-reflection

Which frankly, was a mistake on the other’s (particularly Omi’s) part

And we know this because of episode 5. Because, Rai only worked on learning and bettering himself after Fung went to talk to him, otherwise he would have still been closed off from others. This showed that Raimundo needs someone to talk to him about the situation in this state, to provide him direction or to give him support. The fact that no one went to talk to him probably led to his thoughts and frustration intensify, which was a factor to his betrayal

Honestly, if the other monks went to him and had a conversation like Fung did in episode 5, maybe he would have striven to become better and prove himself

But I don’t say this to imply that the other monks are at fault for this. They didn’t know that this is what Rai needed, they didn’t even know how to handle this situation (as Rai seemed to reject them when they tried to support him), and Omi genuinely thought that he needed to reflect on his actions alone

(And they did go to talk with Rain when he left frustrated in episode 18, possibly showing that they learned from this instance)

I would also like to think that Fung was aware of Rai’s isolation tendencies, which is part of the reason why he asked him to stay when the other monks were getting their new training. He probably didn’t want Rai to be alienated from the group, and this could have been an opportunity to get him motivated to become better, by reaching to his competitive nature

But to be honest, this was a mistake on Fung’s part. Raimundo saw this as mockery instead of encouragement, and Fung should have gone to him or intervened when Omi (unintentionally) insulted him

But I could also see that in Fung’s point of view, him trying to reach out or talk to Rai could have made things worse, because unlike episode 5, Fung was the reason why he felt like this. So Rai would have either not listened to whatever he said, or he would have taken it as negative

Only his friends could have done something in this situation, but Omi already butchered it up, so what was left for Fung to do was to give him space. After all, Raimundo was not obligated to stay if he didn’t want to

If you think about it, Fung is an interesting character, for being defined by action and inaction. The feeling that he gives me is that he’s someone who tries and wants to help, but he’s unable to, either because of circumstances or by personal beliefs

And we do see how Fung’s beliefs contribute to Rai’s betrayal. After Raimundo gets more annoyed because of Omi’s comment, he decides to leave this unpleasant situation and go to a familiar place that he sees as a positive one: Rio

We see how his tendency to close himself off causes distress in him. He doesn’t know what to do with his feelings, and his choice is to stay in a place all alone while searching for something to help him relax, in this case being Rio’s sight

And this is when Wuya comes in

I do want to comment that it’s possible for this place to be a recurrence for Raimundo, where he goes to relax or take his mind off of things. This could explain why Wuya was able to find him that fast, since she did go inside his mind

Now, this moment of temptation seems pretty straight forward: Wuya offers him stuff he likes, and he chooses to betray his friends for that stuff. But from all we’ve seen so far, I would say that there was more to this temptation for Rai

First of all, he’s all alone. His friends are not beside him, and he didn’t get any direction for his feelings. And as we’ve seen in episode 11, it is possible for him to emotionally distance himself from his friends when he’s frustrated or annoyed, so it would make sense that right now he’s at odds with them

Second, he’s in clear distress. At this moment, he’s in search of an escape, for something that will make him get away from this unpleasant situation. So the offer of getting things that make him happy is even more tempting for the kid’s mind

And third, which is the most important fact, he’s in search of appreciation. All of this was caused by the feeling of being unappreciated, so Wuya offering him this and talking to him likes she sees something in him seems like a glimpse of appreciation, of understanding

And because of circumstances, this was enough to make Raimundo side with her

But this was not an immediate decision, not at all. I actually think this decision was made after he got the Reversing Mirror

Now, I do want to comment on the fact that he didn’t change his outfit in the showdown, which could be interpreted that he sided with Wuya at that time. But I don’t think that’s the case

You see, the beauty of this show is that it has a lot of details and subtlety that can be interpreted however you want, or if you see them they come off as a nice reward. The outfit change in showdowns is one of them

My personal interpretation is that it depends on the person’s perspective. On some occasions, if the person thinks that they need a special outfit for the showdown (example being some showdowns that are related with cold weather), then they will change into something fitting with what they have in mind. But otherwise, they will change into Xiaolin robes if they think (or feel) they’re on Xiaolin’s side

In this case, Raimundo keeping his casual clothes shows that he was not on Xiaolin’s side. I would like to believe that he was unsure on whose side to be, and he decided that he will choose at the end of the showdown

And well, I think Omi’s comment after the showdown helped him make a choice. That choice being Wuya’s side

I don’t want to make it seem that Omi is the cause of this, because this was a matter of circumstances. With all of the other factors and conflicted emotions he’s been through, Omi’s remark made him realize that, at this moment, he doesn’t want to go through the trouble of proving himself to the others, while getting more annoyed and frustrated in the process

He wanted to take the easy route that offered him an easier life

And this route was Wuya’s side

So yeah, this betrayal may look simple, but it’s a cause of circumstances, mistakes and a kid’s unhealthy coping mechanism, that being his tendency to close himself off from others

Also, I want to make it clear that you can have other interpretations for this! You can see this moment however you want, and it can be different from the way I see it, which it’s valid and great! And honestly, I don’t think the show planned it to be something deep in the first place haha

The fact that I can personally interpret it as something like this is one of the reasons why I love this show so much, and it’s why I seem to get back to thinking about this cartoon from 2003 so often

So yeah, this was my ramble about Rai’s betrayal

#xiaolin showdown #gh rant #raimundo pedrosa #character analysis #I have too many thoughts about this cartoon in my silly little brain #And sometimes these thoughts need to go out somewhere which that somewhere is this blog #Also I’m always open to talk with other people about this show this is a fact

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fandoms-in-law · 8 months

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Stories Chapter 1

Summary: Steve tells himself stories to cope with a lot of things, but he's never been allowed to share them. Things spiral after Dustin finds the notebooks he'd been writing them down in and Steve's attempt to distract Robin and Eddie from helping him past needing to hide his stories, well that spirals too, but in a better way.

Author's note: I started writing this when AO3 was under attack. I'm going to post a chapter a day cause I love it and don't want to hoard it in the notes on my phone or in emails anymore

The first chapter only really covers the first half of that summary

Warnings: panic attacks, neglectful probably abusive parents mentioned

/\/\

Steve has always told himself stories. It's a way of comforting himself and he knew even while young that this wasn't something to share, not with his parents nor with his friends given they were usually chosen by his parents before he really gained popularity at school.

Stories in the Harrington household weren't for sharing. They were for whispering into your knees until you're calm enough to show the confidence and manners expected of you.

He couldn't understand it when he realised the game Dustin was talking about was entirely based around sharing stories and making them together. Laying on a table under a knife in someone's hands would feel less vulnerable to Steve. It made the Hellfire club seem brave.

Then Eddie is there, accused of murder caused by the upside down and letting them help him while claiming to be a coward.

"Don't say that. Don't call yourself a coward when every fucking day of your life you do things I'd rather face the Russians again than do. If I'm brave then so are you, just differently." Steve had to interrupt. It was the closest he'd come yet to mentioning just how often he told stories to himself aloud and he really hoped Eddie didn't question it more. "But for now I guess the bravery of facing down actual monsters is as useful as its usually useless."

Focusing back on the situation they were in was enough to get out of saying anything more, but Steve noticed curious looks being thrown at him by Eddie even as they planned to take down Vecna. He hated realising that his comments about bravery were going to be spoken about later.

...

"Have it at my house." The words were easy to say for Steve, just a new way to look after these kids and give Eddie the space Hawkins high was refusing now. "Come on man, you want to play again and were just complaining about no one being allowed to host you, so take over my house. If I need to apologise to the rest of Hellfire for them to agree tell me where to find them." He carried on seeing the reluctance in Eddie's expression and unable to hear a rejection right then. Even letting others tell stories in his home felt scary no matter how sure he was his parents weren't going to come home now.

"If you're sure? You seem nervous over suggesting that." Eddie didn't ask anything specific so Steve just nodded.

"I'm sure. Just let me know when, cause if I'm at work you'll need a spare key." Now he'd mentioned them playing while he was out he actually hoped they would. Stories being shared without him there seemed easier to understand than completely facing the fact that stories weren't private to people from other families.

Eddie frowned more at that, as if Steve was a puzzle he couldn't figure out rather than a friend trying to help. "You'd trust us in your house alone? Seriously? Your parents aren't going to turn up and get us arrested for breaking in or something?"

The idea of it made him snort. "Will is joining right? You want to see how Hopper reacts to my parents trying to accuse his kid of trespassing? And that's ignoring the rants both he and Mrs Byers have said over my parents failure to turn up when we were both in hospital. Nah they shouldn't turn up."

...

At some point, after his first encounter with a demogorgon, telling himself stories wasn't enough and Steve wanted to give them some solidity. He might not be the best at writing or reading but the stories were just for him, nobody else would see them and it helped. It really helped to just write the stories he was telling himself down and get the heroes ending at least in these stories.

Steve kept this notebooks, his stories, all safe, buried at the back of his wardrobe behind shoe boxes where none of the friends who'd visited before had thought to snoop. He didn't think the kids or Eddie or even Robin would dig through it with all the teasing over how he dresses he got.

He wasn't expecting a call to Family Video the first time Hellfire actually happened without him being home to change that.

"Hello, this is Family Video. You're through to Steve, how can I help?"

"Hi Steve. Just, well, it isn't urgent but I thought you'd want calling before these shitheads - no, you are going back to the table and rolling with disadvantage for the rest of the day. I will extend that if you don't shut up!"

"You thought I'd like to listen to you yell at Dustin over the phone since I can't in person." he stated dryly, getting a confused glance from Robin.

"No. Dustin decided to go through your room cause Lucas forgot his notes today and he swore you'd have something Lucas would use in there." Eddie sounded as exasperated as Steve now felt. "I did tell him that if he was so concerned he should just tear some pages put of his notebook for Lucas to use but the shithead didn't listen."

"If you're calling because he found the magazines under my bed I can wait to hear his interrogation later." Steve said to just cut off any more rambling but something uncomfortable was settling in his stomach.

"And the notebooks he hasn't said where he found them?"

Steve's eyes closed and he leant back against the wall taking a deep breath to remind himself this wasn't the place to yell. “Shithead. He's getting no lifts for a week. Snoopers don't get rides. If they're still being read, can you get them all put in my room and stop anyone else reading them?"

"Got it. See you once your shift is over."

"See you." Steve collapsed as he hung up the phone, folding into the floor behind the counter just for a moment.

Robin's head appeared over the top of the counter a moment later. "They really caused enough trouble you want to melt into that floor?"

"Can't keep his nose out of anything, can he?" he groaned.

"Eddie?"

"Dustin! It's not something to share. It's just a thing for me. He had to go snooping." The rant burst out of him, even as he knew this would make Robin curious too.

She came around the counter to lean against it looking down at him. "Okay I could've told you he snoops from the moment he mentioned Russian message back at Scoops, for one and for two, as long as this isn't dangerous is it that bad for him to know whatever he found?"

"Bad for my sanity. It's not something Harrington's share. It's got to be private and the kids won't let it be." Giving voice to his thoughts seemed like it should be relieving but really it just made those methods of coping with his parents expectations and need to hide them weigh heavier on him.

"Okay, no clue what you're on about Dingus, want to try explaining or does that have to stay private too?" Robin replied after a short pause.

Steve sighed. "It's like films are shared. They're something to mention for small talk or to distract from a conversation that could be disadvantageous. Books are very rarely used like that but mostly you're meant to read in silent and say nothing about the things you've read unless someone else mentions it first who you need to believe you're an intellectual and then there's this which my parents would just ignore the few times I said something before learning it's private, unspeakable basically."

"And the kids found whatever this is?" Robin surmised. "So everything in you is panicking because you can't share it even now you know your parents fucked you up and abandoned you to make it worse."

Steve could only nod.

Robin reached for the store phone after a moments consideration. "Hey Eddie, let the kids know whatever they found isn't for them to discuss and definitely not to mention around Steve. If they want more explanation point to everyone's shit parents and how they all have things they'd rather not talk about. Me, you and Steve can try calming him down over whatever this is later without the kids around. Got it?"

"Is this your way to learn what the kids found snooping?" Steve asked, before scrambling to his feet, brushing his clothes off at the chime for the doors opening.

"It's my way of helping my best friend stop limiting himself for parents who never gave a shit for anything but appearances." She corrected, wagging a finger in his face in a teasing scold, before focusing on appearing as if there was more work to do than there actually currently was.

Chapter 2

#stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #robin buckley #family video #steve has bad parents #protective robin buckley #give steve harrington hobbies

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helsingvania · 4 months

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Looks around, no one is talking about ahsoka so I think it's a relevant time to be unhinged.

I'm not mad or upset with how ahsoka turned out, I'm disappointed.

I had low expectations going into it, we all did. But the first two episodes genuinely did drew me into the storyline. I don't care about ahsoka herself but the lore expansion, seeing the spectres again, and much of the overarching mystery just drew me in. Baylan and his more reserved, logical, and lawful nature. Even though it hate it, the myths around a new galaxy and the stories told by the Jedi and how it was just merely a fairytale tantalized me.

And this is where the show went down hill for me personally. It's a very you can't have your cake and eat it too, you can't have the grounded orders are orders storyline with the new Republic and the mystical fairytale story of traveling to a lost land to recover a hero banished with his enemy.

Both of them feel disjointed to me and if I had to choose one I would go for bringing whimsy back into star wars because I LOVE that stuff. There is a world where both elements can totally work, but based on the writing of the show alone it can only be one. And even without getting into characters, the Identity of this show is so confused. It doesn't want to know what it wants to be and will change scene to scene.

Is it a voyage into the unknown? Is it a traveling loner samurai story with a society that aged passed them? Is it a critique of bureaucracy and the failure of removing fascism? It's all of them, and yet none of them because none of them build on each other or even interact with each other. It's quite literally one scene its this theme, and the next is this theme. Neither them are expanded upon or even more forwards passed the 'this is bad' stage.

Hell Anakin's episode was only good because it only expanded a bit on Anakin, his relationship with ahsoka, and gaining a new prospective. It didn't do shit as far as meaning or anything. I think it was going for a: I didn't teach you to lay down and die. Type beat but it was so convoluted and filled with remember this from the show that it missed the fact it should've had a point. Like wow thanks filoni! You gave us solid evidence that Anakin will always be Vader and Vader will always be Anakin, and that both he and ahsoka were literally kids in war and he was trying to ensure her safety and life, and now the mortis arc has come back and reared it's head again and now he's chilling in the various realms of the force.

BUT IT LITERALLY DID NOTHING TO DIRECT FORWARDS THE SHOW OUTSIDE OF AHSOKA IS NOW BACK TO BEING A LITTLE SHIT AGAIN

How would I have done it? EASY!

A melancholic tale about realizing the world around you has shifted and coming to terms with everything that has happened to you. Between learning of what Anakin has become, the events of the rebellion and the clone wars, the fall of the Jedi and everything you thought you knew. Even realizing you have been doing nothing but walking forwards until you are finally dead.

Ahsoka acting more like Anakin as a coping mechanism since she couldn't do anything to help or save him. Running hither and yonder foolhardy and recklessly hoping that finally this fight will finally kill her. But they don't so she just continues on with her idea of what her duty is and what she's fighting for. Eventually, she does die and is met with Anakin, Anakin reinforces that he's always been like this and maybe don't take after him as much. And the lessons she taught her weren't just for survival, but doing what you did believe what was right despite the outcomes. This realization breathes new life into her (literally) and comes back and understands the fight all over again. And continuing her mission.

I don't think any of the spectres need much development compared to...the literal title character. Much of what they needed occurred back in rebels, Sabine owning up to her time in mandalore and making it right, Hera's own bravery and mourning Kanan. I still love the idea that Sabine is disaster lineage just so she can wield a lightsaber, but you didn't need to make her FORCE SENSITIVE HOLY SHIT. In fact I think Sabine being the more mature on here would've worked, yeah she acts young but she puts ahsoka in her place.

Baylan and Ezra were perfect. Ezra hasn't changed and still has his charisma and cheek while baylan is a very interesting villain based upon his past and motivations. I would've loved to have thrawn a little more subtle in place of his big introduction give the normies a FUCKING REASON TO FEAR HIM.

Final thing, you guys are cowards for not referencing heir to the empire.

#star wars #ahsoka spoilers #star wars ahsoka #ahsoka #ahsoka series

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novakane123 · 5 months

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Test subject 'ANk'

Nova was born some time in the year 1985 not knowing an exact date because her father doesn't remember due too, well you know insanity.

Hope you enjoy!!!!!( to anyone who does not know anything about the greek gods if a mortal looks at their true form it causes them to go mad which is what happened to mackinze.) Sorry for not posting sooner lol if there are any grammar mistakes just let me know!!

Summary: One year before Nova's escape.

Tw: Abuse, mentions of torture and violence

Log start, "Hello again my name is Mackinze Maximus Kane and this is log 234, the day is September 15, of 2002, today was a complete failure the only thing I was abke to accomplish today was some more blood samples from test subject 'ANk' . The subject has been restless all day, it has not stopped yelling and crying, despite the multiple attempts to administrator some sleep medication it did not work, I should know by now that it will never work. I have been trying all sorts of different sleeping medications for many many years but to no avail. It seems that the healing properties in the subjects blood prevents its body from being put under completely.. if my hypothesis is correct then it mean that it's power or mind subconsciously protects itself from becoming....."too vulnerable."

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Pacing around his office nearly buring a hole into the carpet was the mad man Mackinze M. Kane. He seemes breathless and jumpy as he relayed the days events into his voice log. Mackinze was quite a special person. being a renound neurosurgeon and field medic, his astounding work was known all through out the countries big wig hospitals and small medical hospitals, if you found yourself in your nearest walk in clinic mention the name and watch as the doctors and nurses light up in joy and remembrance of the great surgeon. Veterans who knew the name Mackinze Maximus Kane would stand up and salute his bravery and his never yielding spirit commenting on his intense focus and shear tenacity.

He was well built man, very handsome too, all the ladies fawed over him, and if given the chance any lady in there right mind would have made him their husband on the spot. His dirty brown hair was always slicked back with what seemed liked ten pounds of hair gel. Despite that fact it made him look good, orderly and mature. His forest green eyes were always bright and optimistic, always shing with possibilities of new discoveries and adventures. He was an extremely nice man one loved by everyone around him.

But...that was a long time ago before he met her, the love of his life, 'Amara' and after he met her he just....disappeared, people searched and searched, but he was nowhere to be found.

If you have the gull to ask some say he went missing in action after returningto the field. Some say he ran away with his bride to a knew country to start a new life. Others think his new bride killed him and got away with it, but there are only 2 people in the entire world whi know the truth that would be Mackinze himself, and his test subject daughter Nova Kane.

Unbeknownst to the world 'Amara' has been gone for a very long time, a little bit after Mackinze disappeared from the public eye she showed up with a baby claiming it was his and then disappeares forever. It left him in a daze, to see her standing there emitting so much light while holding a bundle of joy in her arms, but its been 17 years since Mackinze saw his wife's beautiful shining form, and because of it all that remains of Mackinze Maximus Kane is a hollow shell of a man.

His once clean cut hair over the years grew long and shaggy, greasy and matted from his refusal to keep proper care of himself. His body soon lost all its muscles causing him to be soft and squishy, not entirely weak, but hes definitely weaker than what he used to be. After years of drinking to forget himself and this life, he had obtained a beer gut one the didnt hide very well under his clothing. His forest green eyes once filled with amazing wit and optimism were now dull, almost lifeless and foggy. The green color of his eyes had been diluted, stripped of its excitement and wonder and replaced with anger and bitterness, an anger that has turned him blind to his own hate and abuse and turned him away from his own humanity.

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"The subject was very unwilling to do any test today, it keep screaming and crying at me to leave it alone." A deep sigh rumbles the man's chest, pinching the bridge of his nose to collect his thoughts he continues. "Despite not getting anything donen like i mentionedearlier, I think I have discovered a new power that test subject 'ANk' possess so today was not a total loss I guess, but this power...disturbes me." The gangly man makes his way over to his desk where his old black desktop computer resides, sitting down in his old torn up black office chair he opens his computer to pull up todays camera footage in the medical room. Pressing play he sets the voice recorder down and focuses on the screen.

The video starts and it's nothing special at first glance, it looked just like a typical medical room, abit a fake one you would probably have see in a movie because some of the machines that resided within the room were not things you would find in typical hospital room. The operating table that lied dead in the middle of the room was adorned with mental steal cuffs on its edges large and strong enough to hold someone insanely powerfull. The big sensory deprivation tank that sat in the upper right corner of the room was a big and hollowed dome of pure titanium, a small door on the front which led into the big beast was wide open almost laying and waiting for its next victim.

In the upper left corner of the room is another camera and a glass cupboard full of glass beakers, small, big, clear or not he had them all. The cupboard also contained different medications of any and all kinds, things like, paralytics, antibiotics, analgesics, and anticoagulants. If you could name it was probably in that cabinet. A little off to the right of the cupboard was a big metal rolling try filled to the brim with, scalpels, syringes, gloves, and different rags some bloody some not.

After a moments pause, muffled screams come filtering through his office speakers. The screams and cries become louder and louder as himself and the test subject (Nova) come into view and it's not a pretty sight. He was all but dragging it by it's hair as it kicked and screamed at him to let it go, the subjects legs and arms are flaling in an attempt to stop him. As recent punishment he had started to starve the test subject more than normal, it's body was frail and shriveled nearly skin and bones, the hair on its head had turned into a dull copper orange instead of its normal fire red. The punishment was starvation because he caught it trying to escape... again, the subject has been getting bolder and bolder in its attempt to escape as of late and it become somewhat troublesome for Mackinze.

The video continues to play as he begins to speak once more. "I had relized that starving test subject 'ANk' would do no good in the long run having her health drop so low has made me worried that she could become easily killable in my tests, so I decided some solitary confinement would be a better option. I tossed two full loafs of bread into the tank, in hopes it would A. Be able to stay in there long enough to recover just a tad and B. To teach it a lesson that it has no purpose, no meaning, the only purpose it serves is my purpose, it needs to learn its place."

The screaming and crying continues over his voice becoming prominent again as he stops speaking. The screen switches angles to the camera in the upper left corner of the room. Once Mackinze finally reaches the door to the tank, the subject is screaming at the top of its lungs "LET GO OF ME YOU SON OF A BITCH, I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU, GET OFF OF ME, LET ME GO, LET ME GO, LET ME GO!!!!!" It kept saying these words over and over and over again until he picked it up and all but threw the subject into the tank. Its screams of anger turned into screams of pleas. "PLEASE, DAD STOP, PLEASE ITS ME DAD, ITS NOVA PLEASE, PLEASE STOP!!"

He doesn't spare her a second glance as he slams the door shut locking it and setting the code. There are loud and continuous bangs coming from the metal coffin but the screaming is gone cancled out by the the ferocious banging. The camera angle switches again to the camera above the main exit door, it captures Mackinze dusting himself off as he turns around and walks out of the room with a strange look upon his face.

Pausing the video he picks the recorder back up. "The test subject still seems to think there is a familiar bond between the two of us, it astounds me because that 'thing' is not my daughter despite the amount of times I've tried to instill that into its brain it still believes me to be its father.

'Taking a deep breath Mackinze scratches his scraggly beard in frustration'

We even have different blood for christ sake, the subjects blood is golden, almost glittery if you will, the blood, once abstracted, stays warm for 2 weeks after it leaves the subjects body. It has been found upon indigestion the blood can heal a mere human on the brink of death, you think a regualr humans blood could do that much less help make that?"

Mackinze moves the video along to get to where he wants too which is four hours after the subject was put into the deprivation tank. "After a small break I came back to check up on test subject, it had stopped banging on the wall of the tank thankfully and it was quiet, peaceful actually it had been some time since it been that quite in one of my labs." Chuckling to himself he plays the video again.

The video resumes from the camera above the door which has a clear view of the entire room. "I have known since it was born that test subject 'ANk' is an extremely powerfull being and if it was at its full potential I would have been dead years ago, but even after everything it's been through, after every test I've ever done, I didnt realize the subjects true will power...or it's raw strength."

The camera shows Mackinze milling about the room cleaning up the bloody rags and dirty tools.Five seconds go by on the footage before there is lound 'BANG'! rebounding around the room, the camera glitched and shook as did everything in the lab. Mackinze would have jump through the roof if he had the ablity. The camera switched to the camera in the upper left corner, it catches Mackinze spinning around and the complete look of horror on his face, another comes again 'BANG'! The camera glitches again and things started to fall to the ground, tubes, beakers, scapels, anything loose in the lab fell to the ground in ear shattering clangs. Mackinze runs to a closet next to the entrance and he appears to be rummaging around before he brings out shotgun pointing it directly at the tank. Another 'BANG'! rings through the lab more things fall and break but the unmistakable sound of groaning metal echos around the room, and now there is a gigantic dent in the lock of the tank looking exactly like the imprint of a fist. Mackinze loads his gun as quickly as he can with shaking hands and moves towards the door.

"I really didn't want to shoot my best test subject, I had come so far ive been cultivating this subject for seventeen years, it would be my end to try and start this project again, but it also hasn't been responding to me the way it used to, I think its finally decided to rebal against me, it may have thrown tantrums and tried to hurt me in the past but they were all half hearted attempts, but this, this was different." Commenting once again over the video Mackinze couldn't help but feel the goosebumps run down his spine as he relives the moment through the screen.

The angle switches for the last time to the camera above the door and there is one final 'BANG'! before the test subjects hand flew through the lock on the door. The metal around it mealting and splintering creating a gigantic hole in the doors locking system. The hand was not that of a shriveled starved being, no its was gigantic and muscular, glowing and radiating with heat that seemed very familar to Mackinze. The hand slowly retreated and in one final shove the door swung open so hard it was ripped off its hinges. The door falls to the floor in slow motion, as Mackinze advanced forward raising his gun "TEST SUBJECT 'ANk' YOU COME OUT OF THAT TANK THIS INSTANT OR I WILL GUN YOU DOWN HERE AND NOW!!!!"

A few seconds go by with nothing from the subject and Mackinze readies his gun to actually shoot but before he can speak again the slow dragging of feet could be heard within the dark tank. It only took moments for the subject to appear in the doorway, it didn't look healthy by any means but it looked better than when it had entered the chamber four hours ago. It's cheeks where full again round, cheeky, and glowing, its arms and legs putting on some mass to the point where you could no longer see her bones, its hair was no longer a copper orange but back to its fire red. Her entire body was glowing with a golden aura, emitting a blazing heat on his face and hands. Confusion was rolling all over Mackinzes face, but before he can utter another word the light surrounding the subject dimmed as did the heat, and the subjects eyes roll back into their head and they collapse to the ground.

"At this point I thought it was another ploy to escape given the fact it looked stronger, so I rang a warning shot into the tank." The video mirrors Mackinze's words with the sound of the gun going off. "However when it didn't move I figured it had exhausted all its power with those punches."

Mackinze sets the gun down slowly and approached the subject with caustion he flips the subject onto its back and deems it unconscious. Looking around the room he seems to grab a couple items from the floor.

"The subject fell too hard for my liking, I originally was planning to check for a concussion and maybe a blood sample in hopes to find and answer to her miraculous transformation, but what I saw instead was....death."

The video footage zooms in as much as it can to the subjects face, Mackinze reveals one of the items to be a small flashlight and he slowly lifts the subjects eyelid to shine the light upon it. Before he can even turn the flashlight on a faint glowing light illuminates his palms and the base of the flashlight.

"This part was a very intriguing yet a nerve-racking experience because instead of finding her normal iris her eye was...gold pure gold, it was emitting light and warmth onto my palm, like it's body had earlier. I checked the other eye and it was the same. I quickly took blood samples and stored them away as quick as I could. When I went to check the subjects eyes again after about 15 minutes its eyes where back to normal the regular green that should have been." Pausing the video Mackinze stands again opening the draw to his dest "I have no idea what happened in that tank, the blood samples I received today came back only slightly different but that was because it was reporting her growing health and not what caused the transformation in the first place, the one thing I do know is that....girl is dangerous extremely dangerous, if she was ever let into society, she would burn down the world as well know it."

Clicking the stop botton on his recorder Mackinze tosses it in to the drawer too tired to put it away properly in its case. Mackinze stares at the screen infront of him, eyes roaming the still picture of the video he can't help but feel the same way he did in that moment, scared, scared of what he created, scared of the things it could do, the abilitys he seemed to help cultivate within it are stirring and its only a matter of time before it breaks loose.

@taglist

@jayyeahthatsme

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danpuff-ao3 · 1 year

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Comfort Characters

@givereadersahug wrote about Comfort Characters and I thought I'd do the same!

This was always a weird concept for me to consider. Like...do I have a comfort character? The answer feels sort of obvious, but in the way that both yes and no feel obvious. Thus: the dilemma.

When it comes to fandom, I read so much angst, whump, darkfic, etc. And I favor portrayals of characters that are real, gritty, imperfect, and messy. My fandom preferences feel a bit at odds with the word "comfort." But...I do find a strange sense of comfort in these subjects and these characters, don't I?

And with that in mind...let me answer the dang question, yeah?

To really get the full picture, I think first we need to focus on what the Harry Potter books mean to me.

In recent years, with the author's outrageous and shameless vitriol, being a fan of HP has been challenging. It feels wrong to love this fandom so much, when the author shows such unmitigated hate.

The problem is: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone was published in the U.S. in 1998. (Usually I remember HP was published in 1997, but I just did a Google check for the U.S. publication to make sure I had my facts straight!) I was six years old when the books came out here. I was a bookworm since I could read! I inhaled books at an alarming rate. But no book from my childhood stuck out to me more than Harry Potter. I don't remember life before those books. And they were probably the first books I ever reread. And I never stopped rereading them. I'm not sure I've read anything more times than I've read those books.

Are they a literary masterpiece? Of course not. But they are whimsical, magical, joyful, colorful, touching, adventurous, and just plain fun! More so when I discovered fandom properly and my creativity ran loose in fanfiction.

My childhood was not especially good or happy, and these books were my escape. The fandom was my escape. Whenever life was dark or scary or hurtful, I had somewhere to turn. I had no one in my real life I could turn to. But I had these characters. And I had the friends I made through fandom. Facts that hold true even to this day, though I've escaped all the worst life had thrown at me (up until this point, at least!)

The books and fandom were a great source of comfort to me. And a large part of it must be because of the characters that were such a comfort to me.

Of course, my two comfort characters make up my beloved OTP.

Severus Snape, who I loved from the start. Which is funny when you think about little 6 year old Danni mooning over the "mean teacher." The dark mystery of him seduced me even then! He was clever, and creative, and cutting. He was the bad guy who wasn't really a bad guy, which blew my little socks off!

Harry Potter, of course...our titular character. My partner now likes to joke that I'm a "main character simp." (Hello, Harry Potter and Percy Jackson and Rand al'Thor...) I can't help it, okay? But Harry was always such a precious bean. Wide-eyed awe for magic. Spunky and bold, in spite of his poor life circumstances. The sort of fearlessness I admired, but could never quite replicate. My whole life was tied up in fear. I was scared of so much for so long. Harry's openness and honesty and bravery drew me in.

But those were the simpler, surface-level attractions for a young girl. But I'm not a young girl anymore. I'm a woman who grew up with these characters. I watched Harry grow and change; I watched him learn; I watched his trials and errors; his failures and his successes; I watched him save the day. And for Severus Snape, rather than moving forward, we looked back. I watched his story unfold in all of its horrible, messy glory. And I fell more and more in love with them both.

Harry and Severus both came from troubled backgrounds. Severus represents the stark reality. How deeply those wounds impact you, and how they don't always heal. Harry represented the ideals. All that I hoped to be; the behavior I respected and the principles I learned.

Harry overcome his circumstances and became a truly good person in spite of it all. But "good" doesn't mean without flaw. And his strength doesn't mean no damage was left behind.

On the flip side, Severus' trauma pushed him along a dark road. He reacted poorly. He made bad decisions. But hope wasn't lost, was it? Bad decisions didn't mean he could be written off as a villain. He was so deeply wounded, and he carried on despite that. The pain of his past plagued his every moment, but he still moved forward and kept fighting through it all. And for all the ways his trauma had made him flawed, there was still goodness in him. He was still worthy of love and respect. He was still capable of great deeds.

They are both men who were hurt by their life's circumstances, and who were bound by terrible fate. And they chose to embrace that. They chose to keep doing and being better, even when they screwed up. They never let life keep them down.

So much in them speaks to me. They can share my pain. And they give me hope and strength to keep going. And in them and all their messy, imperfect glory, I can reflect upon myself. And in loving them for their best and worst qualities, I can accept and love them in myself.

...and then I make them fall in love again and again and again (and again and again) (and again and again and again.) And that brings me even more comfort. And joy. And endless entertainment. And emotions. And basically all the good things life has to offer. Snarry for life, if you didn't already know I was a massive Snarry stan.

#comfort characters #severus snape #harry potter #snarry mentions cuz ofc #meta #danpuff stuff

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cyprus-green · 1 year

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Draco Malfoy ... 'I was just a boy when they told me that lie...'

This song by Robert Ellis, though set far from the same time, culture, and place that Draco is born, hits home. The theme is indoctrination of children, and what it does to someone. The realization, of how fucked up it is, as an adult. And the realization that these lies are used to keep people in line, and keep them loyal.

And the flames of hell they seemed so high

When I could barely see over the pew

I was just a boy when they told me that lie

But Lord it felt so true...

....

But a child believes in whatever they're told

A pillar of flames, a street of gold

And that's a hell of a thing to do to a kid

Just to teach him right from wrong

You can burn in hell the rest of your days

Or you can choose to sing along

I'm far from a Death Eater apologist, however I do love a good redemption arch. I also grew up fairly religious and adjacent to some really strict Christian groups. The childhood indoctrination is real.

I deal with that lot of that in my writing of Draco, who often has to coming to terms with

1) The fact that muggle-borns are fundamentally the same as he is.

If that's true does that mean he's not special? If so what does that even mean for him...it's alot of questioning his place in the world, and I think its a question Draco will ask himself forever, at least in my fics.

2) Pureblood Supremacy is a blatant lie he's been told by society.

Not only is it a lie, it's a lie everyone he knows seems to believe. And that means everything he knew is a lie or the hierarchy of the society he grew up in is in part based on a lie. This is probably the part where he feels most confused, and angry, and incredulous.

3) His parents specifically lied to him, willingly.

As Draco ages, I think he can come to terms with the fact that his parents had no excuse for how they lied to him. They knew better and were old enough to know that pureblood supremecy is bullshit, yet they still chose to raise him hateful. He has to come to terms with the fact that his parents choose to be hateful people. And he now has a choice. To be his parents or something different. But its also painful, because as he recognizes his parent's lies and failures he loses respect for them. He feels loss. He feels anger. He feels betrayed, and ashamed.

4) Recognize the moments he realized it was a lie, and recognize the moments he knew it was a lie but continued to be hateful.

Part of his arch simply had to do with introspection. He needs to examine (maybe as an adult, maybe as a child) the moments he saw cracks in the facade. This is alot of shame. This is alot of guilt. Alot of self-loathing and perhaps some lashing out at the people around him. Because i feel that self-loathing might be the thing that hurts him the most. Considering his already shakey ego, this definitely sends him spiraling and he's going to hurt and hurt others as he falls.

5) Leave that culture behind.

Completely. Until he breaks from it, he's complicit. Though survival vs doing what is right is always going to be a age old conflict. And with this, there's undoubtedly going to be a sense of loss and bitterness. Why did they have to do that to him? Envy for people he used to make fun of is demoralizing. A life of humbling and eating-crow makes him want to gag. I think this also gets at his ego, but also at his bravery if he can handle it.

6) Be vocal about his change of heart, spread the word that life doesn't have to be this way...

I think this is the part where Draco can flourish, but he obviously will balk every second of the way. He finally can do something, but he's absolutely not ready to do this. But I think perhaps seeing the devastation of war may absolutely help him get to this point.

SO what gets him here...? To realize its a lie?

The War. Hermione. Being tortured by Voldy. Life at Hogwarts. I think the thing most of us Dramione lovers, love, is the idea that it is Hermione’s brilliance and kindness that completely shatters Draco's concept of the world. She and the war break the lie. As a child its why he hates her. As a teen its why he falls for her. As an adult its part of why he decides to become a better man.

#draco malfoy #dramione #hermione granger #hp #dhr #Spotify #indoctrination #pureblood society

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neonscandal · 2 years

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Manga With Me: MHA Edition

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: focused on chapters 100-150 and references previous chapters

Who doesn’t wish they could experience something again for the first time? Join me during my first MHA read through with reflections and head canons. Be sure to drop your head canons below, too!

This was a fortuitous break in chapters as we kick things off with Mei Hatsume who marks the beginning of a distinct departure from Deku's status quo. Her curiosity and cavalier attitude towards failure sets her as another form of bravery for consideration but also illustrates how the hero course tends to get all the shine and accolades with their flashy quirks (a surprise tool that will inevitable destabilize hero society later! that I'll discuss below). However, her brilliance resonates with Deku and drives his departure from All Might’s style of fighting. This sets him on a path diverting from imitating All Might.

Deku just needs a push in the right direction..

With this revelation, we see the power dynamic between Deku and All Might shift notably when Deku saves All Might from falling debris following Bakugo’s training attack. As Deku begins to find his own way, it’s a sobering highlight of his deviation from emulation and All Might's fade into fragility. Even Aizawa cautions All Might due to his injuries and, by extension, weakened state.

In an earlier section, we explored the fact that in the case of Shigiraki, anyone could have been a hero had they only stepped in. When Deku rejoins the class after his gear upgrade and is observed for being plain, I believe his aspiration to be a hero despite his lack of flash and prestige further aligns himself with the model hero Stain envisioned. This is demonstrated frequently as was the case when Deku, making a snap deduction, chose to save impostor!Uraraka when she was at risk for injury. Later revealed to be Toga!Camie!Uraraka, she is delighted by his rescue and uses the opportunity to question his limits as to what his parameters were to determine who is worth saving.

Despite being removed from the figurative board, Stain’s ideology is revealed to be quite the cancer among hero students which makes me wonder if, prior to Stain, burgeoning heroes had such discerning morals? Or maybe Stain was simply a catalyst for hero students to begin to question. In later chapters, Nejire alludes to him as a cautionary tale like a nameless boogeyman. Other students, however, begin to espouse his rhetoric in varying degrees. We see this when Shishikura (meat senpai) staunchly waxes poetic to Denki who had previously conceded Stain had a point. Rather than take the exam, Shishikura uses it as an impetus to preach to other students like Bakugo, Kirishima and Denki in their face off. In fact, he blows off the exam completely and uses the second part to observe everyone else during the practicum which seems very suspicious. We later see Denki call after him and I wonder if that’s in any way foreshadowing as its expected there is a mole within UA. As Toga sheds her layered disguises, the idea of several moles is introduced.

The provisional exam raised many questions. Like Mera’s exhaustion, that of which rivals Aizawa’s to the point where his character vignette is a crumpled mess on the floor – is it a sign that the heroes are losing ground with their short staffing? Despite this, they’re still arbitrarily only considering the first 100 students who pass the first round. Aizawa even remarks that this iteration of the exam has noticeably kicked up a few notches as it would give pros some trouble. As the exam unfolds, it’s clear, that this is an attempt by the Heroes Public Safety Commission or the police to push for more collaborative heroes after All Might’s retirement having realized no one person can fill his shoes. They’re basically looking for palatable idol groups to fill the gap.

This is seen by Mineta relishing in the old hierarchy falling to pieces where a hero like him would be barely scraping by and Sero observing that the “simpler” you are the better. As if to say the Hero Commission seeks strength and compliance. Deku’s acknowledgement that the test was a system with no hope of recovery once you stumble is very much in line with being a hero in the first place.

What do I mean by this? Well, let’s focus on Aizawa not warning his students about the UA Crush. I initially imagined this was with the hope that some of them would be caught off guard and fail thereby protecting them from the escalation in danger they’ll face once licensed. That doesn’t seem on brand for Aizawa. He is gravely aware of the risk in hero work and reminds his students constantly. More than likely, Aizawa was safeguarding his kids against bad politics or warped headspaces. In the context of everything above, I get how that sounds confusing but Aizawa tends to protect his kids from senseless bull shit wherever possible to prevent them from getting caught up.

Outside of UA, other hero schools have a clear animosity for the #1 school as Pro!Ms. Joke’s comments allude to. As if to suggest that they are due for a reckoning (not unlike the larger hero culture). They proudly broadcast their strength and weakness year after year without consideration for what that may mean for those students in the future. Villains hate heroes and that show of strength but we see that, even within the hero community, there is a distinct hierarchy that breeds resentment.

Big Picture – Annual hero rankings that use a matrix of variables including incident resolution stats and popularity which introduces regular competition, sometimes at the expense of what’s practical for civilians re: Pro!Mt. Lady forcing herself to work in a densely populated urban environment instead of somewhere where her quirk wouldn’t pose as much of a problem.

Small Picture – Within UA, class hierarchy that establishes Hero Course > General Education (as they can potentially move up into the Hero Course) > Support Course > Hero/Business Management as they are slotted for classes A & B > C, D, E > F, G, H > I, J & K respectively. This is how people like Shinso or Mei can be overlooked because they don’t meet the very rigid expectations of what might be preferred for a hero.

Snapshot – Public (and peer) Opinion. All Might’s projection of perfection is the root cause of the fiber of hero society wearing so thin currently. This is a guilt and burden he carries on narrow shoulders and, with his retirement creating a power vacuum, it feels like anyone who hopes to be a hero must measure up to that impossibility. It just goes to show how little space that “Hero” pedestal has because every Pro is inches away from falling off it when someone like Inasa can or Shishikura can call anyone into question.

So, Class 1A, similar to Deku, have a bit of a blind spot to where they fit into everything. In fact, this sheltered world view, in some ways, is what makes Class 1A somewhat exceptional as their isolation and subsequent alienation from other groups means they can only intensely rely on and understand one another. An example of this and interesting departure from the manga is the arc the anime gives Momo. In the anime, she is given a leadership arc that guarantees Tsu, Shoji and Jirou’s passing the exam while also highlighting the intense loyalty Class 1A has one another. This is an interesting inclusion considering Pro!Ms. Joke’s analysis of UA’s reception. Class 1A is all Class 1A has.

But it’s not exactly roses and daffodils for them either. The other schools don’t have to contend with the unknown traumas of Class of 1A as with Deku and Iida flashing back to Kamino during the provisional licensing where people died as they ran their own covert rescue mission. This is something not everyone knows they experienced unlike the attack on USJ and the training camp. Who gave them aftercare? They’re stacking up trauma after trauma and hated to boot.

Ultimately, Deku questions why the Commission would allow people who broke the 50-point benchmark to keep going instead of removing them and I wonder if it was to continue to surveil them and detect potential villains in the making as it's becoming ever apparent that the control the Hero Commission has on the state of affairs is wavering.

COMPARISONS

All Might v Endeavor

As heroes in the spotlight, they are both subject to the court of public opinion and what makes that so hard during this transition is that Endeavor is extremely polarizing where All Might is obsessively palatable. It is for this reason that the Commission seems to be seeking a change in the way they’re grooming heroes to fill All Might’s shoes where they feel Endeavor cannot. When we think of the bitter rivalry Endeavor has for All Might (and the fact that it’s completely one sided), this must grind Endeavor’s gears even more. A win by default that he can’t possibly find any honor in. Not unlike Bakugo vs. Todoroki at the Sports Fest previously.

Todoroki v Inasa

Inasa Yoarashi hating Todoroki because of Endeavor and their shared disposition 👀 then both completely derailed the exam because of petty infighting? It highlighted the fact that they are just kids and how far they are from being heroes despite going after their provisional license. Not to mention, Todoroki had grown to a point where he thought he’d overcome his daddy issues only for Inasa to challenge all of that and call into question whether someone who can behave so callously can be a true hero.

Reconciling their similarities in that moment, Todoroki realized that even though he’d grown from the entrance exams, there will be people who still have that view of him (not unlike Endeavor's own journey for "redemption"). Subsequently, he realized that a hero isn’t just about heroics. This is just another obstacle to overcome in being Endeavor’s son if and it kind of reminds me of Endeavor building the bridge between himself and All Might. Tirelessly.

Between Todoroki and Inasa, they both had the easy way into UA but we see that even with the path paved before him, Todoroki still has hurdles ahead. Although, Inasa could reflect and see that the hate in the eyes of the Todoroki’s seemed for something far off but couldn’t bear the crushing weight of not being seen by them which subsequently “radicalized” Inasa against them. I wonder if his fanboying aligns him more with the public in that way.

League of Villains (Villains) v Shie Hassaikai (Yakuza) v Heroes

According to Twice and AFO previously, heroes need villains. AFO went one step further and said that the only reason All Might existed was due to the sacrifices of his allies. Twice shares a similar sentiment in essentially saying villainy was his civic duty to maintain the balance of power within society.

In this way, villains serve a purpose serving as the dark to heros’ light. Additionally, they can very narrowly sway the public into a spiral as well. He reflected on the fact that more people will run a red light if they see others getting away with it. Morality is a slippery slope and villains are merely pieces on the board. However, prior to the advent of quirks, yakuza was in power. Likely functionally similar to the fashion in which it is now *out of universe*, the yakuza is a bit more nefarious than your average quirked up criminal.

Ironically, when comparing the three, there’s a specific lack of loyalty and cohesive teamwork among heroes of all groups. While they are holier than thou in theory, their heroism is frequently to the end of making sure they get credit and thus paid or see a bump in ratings. Sometimes undercutting one another for the rescue as exhibited by Pro!Mt. Lady in earlier chapters. Twice establishes that, those who live outside of the confines of society, outcasts as it were, are just banding together to give care to one another. There is honor among thieves which we also see mirrored in the yakuza as heroes and law enforcement are forced to battle an onslaught of lackey’s ensuring Vil!Overhaul’s escape.

The ages of the LOV members and their reckless aims establish them as juvenile especially when compared to the entrenched history of the yakuza. It is made clear that yakuza is not villain even if they too have quirks. This is contrasted most sharply between Twice who talks about his own purpose in society (like a hokey menace) which is immediately followed by Overhaul whose only aim is to eradicate thereby reinstating the yakuza’s power. Overhaul’s decay and rewind quirk is pretty tongue in cheek and aligned with his goal to break down the yakuza and bring it back into power.

All Might v Mirio

Mirio is presented as the initial contender for OFA, backed by Pro!Sir Nighteye and even recommended by Nezu. Their physical similarities are intentional, how could All Might not see a successor in this Rin Tin Tin-esque ball of sunshine? Mirio is tempered by the fact that he had to work incredibly hard to find a way to maximize his quirk’s potential. If anything, this is a testament to how seriously he would probably take as the OFA successor but what I found most interesting is that Mirio also carries the burden of being seen as strong. There’s a societal tendency to simply lean on the strong like a crutch. In a larger sense, civilians simply lean on heroes with the expectation that someone else will take care of everything which is what creates gaps that allow people like Shigaraki to slip through.

Nejire, during the work study intro, questions why they bothered coming and participating in the discussion and Amajiki responds that they should be grateful to Mirio that they got to just sit back. Not unlike the heroes v the sludge monster as everyone was willing to watch Bakugo suffocate deferring to a point when All Might or a more suitable hero would step in.

All Might v All For One

All Might and AFO, in their waning splendor, are deliberately cast as being two halves of a whole in terms of decline, ideals, etc. and we see this during All Might’s visit to AFO. AFO, blind, bound and clueless as to the outside world and Small Might in his sagging hero costume, clutching onto his relevance desperately. Meanwhile, the trajectory of their successors differ greatly as expressed in previous analyses and I think will continue to until All Might is as “transparent” with Deku as AFO had been with Shigiraki. AFO manipulated Shigiraki and probably is holding back some secrets yet to be revealed, but All Might keeps Deku shrouded in secret, cut off from a support system and largely left to scramble without direction.

Kirishima v Mina

Mina was destined to be in the Bakusquad. Even if Bakugo doesn’t "recognize" her yet, she’s an integral part of who Kirishima is right down to his horns and I love this origin story. For one, we see that Bakugo and Deku aren’t the only pair who happened to beat all odds and get into UA at the same time. Additionally, Mina helps Kirishima to realize his own strength, which still sometimes waivers, because of her bravery. What’s interesting about this is because it lends itself to the overarching idea that anyone can be a hero.

When Kirishima looks back on how heroic Mina was, it’s not because she’s physically fighting or subjugating a foe. It was only as she bravely interjects herself into an uncomfortable situation and deescalates it without violence. These situations inspire fear within her as well but she persists and it marks why Kirishima knows chivalry knows no gender. Manly is manly.

Another aspect of KiriMina that somewhat mirrors BakuDeku is idolatry though it’s more one sided within KiriMina. With BakuDeku, you see a shared love of All Might but also an intense admiration that Deku has for Bakugo who is his relatable hero and inspiration. With KiriMina, Kirashima regularly defers to the teachings and beliefs of Crimson Riot but, in this background story, we see that Mina is his relatable inspiration.

Deku vs. Bakugo

When Aizawa speaks of his fondness for Class 1A (that’s what I’m calling it), he identifies the divine pair of 1A. What about Deku and Bakugo raises the bar of the whole class? Their intimate rivalry? Their earnest desire to be heroes? What is it that makes them so pervasive? To understand their impact on the class, we must first understand their impact on one another.

As this story is largely told from Deku’s perspective, we tend to focus on him learning from and studying Bakugo but, with Bakugo’s armor piercing shot in preparation for the provisional exam, is it possible that he’s begrudgingly learning from Deku too? In this chunk of chapters, we get a brief section told from Bakugo's POV but wherein we realize neither of them really understand the thoughts or feelings of the other and its to both of their detriment.

Both of them carry guilt about what happened to All Might in Kamino but where Deku uses this guilt as a catalyst to learn, Bakugo internalizes it which is compounded further when he endangers All Might with some errant debris. It’s something that causes him to lose focus and ultimately impacts his performance at the exam and drives him to fight Deku after.

Deku, now realizing he has the potential to become a hero is realizing the comprehensive nature of the work and loses points for approaching a situation with a lame, “wow, this looks bad” which is called weak. Meanwhile, back at the figurative ranch, Bakugo, makes snap judgements and barks harsh orders, which is interpreted as strength.

Best Jeanist and Shishikura - why do people feel the need to constantly try to humble Bakugo. His uncontrollable personality is deemed unbefitting a hero but all of his other manners are largely incredibly wholesome. This speaks to his character's misinterpretation both in universe and within the MHA fandom. He’s studious, intelligent, relatively responsible especially compared to the rest of Class 1A. These are not traits that Deku lacks but, because of Bakugo’s temperament, he’s crapped on way more. Inversely, where people try to humble Bakugo, more people practice Deku erasure. He receives very little credit for the feats he accomplishes, likely because his rescues are foolhardy and reckless as with Bakugo and Kota previously.

WHEN THEY FINALLY HAVE IT OUT, we see Bakugo can talk about his feelings. This is another section that is heartrending, even in print. Neither of them have a support system in place as Deku’s been isolated by OFA and Bakugo is simply too prideful to be vulnerable but this reckoning and talking things out with fists? Yikes. While this is happening, I couldn’t help but think that neither of them are looking up to All Might in the wrong way but that they simply might be looking up to the wrong person..

Bakugos frustration with Deku’s seemingly enigmatic nature hurts more in print. As the story is told from Deku’s perspective, we see that Bakugo is an enigma to Deku as well. How can this scene be at such odds and yet so painfully honest? We understand that, as mentioned above, Bakugo was Deku’s real life All Might. When you’re at the bottom of the totem pole, you can only see but so high above you and Bakugo was really it for him until All Might swooped in and changed everything (as is his way). But critically, we see that Deku always chased after Bakugo. It is something that Bakugo also acknowledges and the whole time, during Deku’s inner monologue, I just want him to say it out loud. Bakugo would rather interpret Deku's admiration as condescension and it just shows how twisted his confidence can be.

BakuDeku v All Might. Why all might got to lie? All Might knew Bakugo was struggling but he too is just a coward when it comes to his own pride and answering for his mistakes. He talks about Bakugo’s strength being a burden, something he’s undoubtedly familiar with, and it’s like a magic trick. Like, look at my strength so you don’t see me crumble, how the prestige of a magician’s trick distracts you from the reality of the ruse. This fight establishes that Bakugo and Deku are two halves of the same All Might. Love to win and strive to save those in need. Save by winning and win by saving.

Bakugo carries the burden of being All Might’s secret keeper and, to a point, I wonder how he must resent this. Again, I wonder if this is where Bakugo starts seeing how All Might pales from the Pro!All Might he’s always looked up to because he says he’s not doing it for All Might 👀

Bakugo considering Deku to be the “chosen” one is so ironic considering he was quirkless and persecuted but go off Bakubaby. We also see the structure of their relationship begin to change ever so slightly while under house arrest. Talking technique begrudgingly while cleaning? Deku has gall. But Bakugo responding constructively? Chef’s kiss.

CHARACTER ALIGNMENTS

Mei Hatsume (Chaotic Neutral) – Mei is chaos incarnate and I love her. Enterprising as hell with 49+ creations only four months into the school year. She’s got a mad hatter-ish personality and she doesn’t fear failure but is self-serving at the expense of others. I can’t wait to see more of her.

Twice (Lawful Evil?) – personally, I love that villainy is like his admirable contribution to pass the time. Also, holy shit, Twice. The fact that he only turned to villainy to be okay with being him and subsequently thinking he’s not worthy of being saved? It makes me question whether things could have been different for him had his circumstances not been what they were (explored below).

Overhaul (Chaotic Evil) – is further explanation even needed?

Sir Nighteye (Neutral Good) - I feel like this is perhaps a product of his excessive caution. Rather than rush in to save Eri, he will risk her possible (but unlikely) disposal for the sake of increasing their probability for overall success.

Rappa the Brawler (Lawful Evil) - Rappa wants all out but also illustrates that villains have their own sense of morals.

Katsuki Bakugo (Neutral Good) – In the last section of chapters, I assigned him chaotic neutral with that thought that he’s starting to evolve at UA. I think that his behavior at the provisional exam as it dealt with saving people who could save themselves but also starting to work more collaboratively as needed is starting to push the needle in the right direction barring his violent spat with Deku of course..

CHRONOLOGICAL OBSERVATIONS

No thoughts, just this beautiful but subtle character development for Bakugo (and the Bakusquad).

A lot of people have less than board behavior for burgeoning heroes. Mineta immediately comes to mind. But any time we pay too much attention to Aoyama it’s in a situation where he’s cowering: too afraid to act at the training camp, hiding at the provisional licensing exam.. but Iida really managed to inspire a sense of self-sacrifice and what a redemption when we see that he’s only ever wanted to be an equal. They haven’t really dug into him as a character but seeing these panels and the way the remaining 1A students rejoiced in finding him and Iida was really validating.

Quirk draw backs – This is a recurring theme, quirk society is not infallible or without downsides. Shindo concedes that his brain gets scrambled by his own quirk day after day and I’m forced to question how long can that happen before there is long term or permanent damage. He doesn’t pose it as a tolerance.

Deku delivering the final polite kick to Pro!Gang Orca to the dismay of Todoroki for needing assistance and saving and Bakugo who wanted to crack skulls is so them.

Twice having two opinions on Miyano the news caster (the man who polarized viewers by cutting down one of his horns) but also comments on the media's propensity to stoke the flames of dissension. I sometimes wonder if one side of Twice is the embodiment of his thoughts if he were more hero leaning. This also feeds into a question of quirks and mental health as it pertains specifically to Twice. We see that his mask is effectively what keeps him “together” but we also know from earlier chapters that support equipment is prohibited outside of those licensed as heroes. Maybe a mask isn’t support equipment but that’s only in Twice’s case. I also love Twice’s inclusion as frequently in say, dystopian or post-apocalyptic media (not saying that’s what this is…) there’s a specific exclusion of people with mental health issues even as characters are actively being traumatized.

“People bound together by the chains of society always laugh at those who aren’t.”

Kind of related but not is Hound Dog being incapable of communicating which killed me. But also, what do quirked up animals even do in society if they’re not useful? That’s kinda sad to think about.

The top 3 being anxious Amajiki, irrational and insensitive ass Nejire and nudist Mirio is hilarious. Gives 1A some reassurance since their top 3 are also certifiable oddballs.

Mirio’s eyeball touch is so simple it’s hilarious but everything looks easy when you have the finesse of mastery. According to Amajiki, Mirio has been strong since he was a kid though Mirio says otherwise. I wonder whose recollection is true.

Mirio talks about prediction and foresight (likely Pro!Sir Nighteye’s influence to an extent and it’s benefit to the use of his own quirk) and was amazed Deku predicted where he’d pop up during their brawl. This speaks to the fact that, mentally Deku is further along than 1A even as he struggles to keep up with the control of his quirk but I also wonder if this perhaps is foreshadowing.

The fact that the staff is so clearly conflicted about work studies but that the kids are pushed forward anyway… it kind of echoes Aizawa’s reflection that they are pushing the kids harder than they would some pros.

I knew Sir Nighteye was a perv with his need to be called “sir” but I forgot about tickle hell. Bit if a sadist, isn’t he? Also explains why he’s bent on torturing Deku during the work study. When Sir Nighteye told Deku that “those standing at the top must never openly show their doubt and unease,” I wondered if this was an ideology from All Might or vice versa. Additionally, Sir Nighteye really got beef with a child. Like, I’m going to put you in your place to humble you before Mirio, my superior pick. It’s very Best Jeanist of him which emphasizes the fact that this is life or death and, as their mentors, some of these pros really just wanna squash their hope.

All Might keeping Mirio another secret from Deku and for what? Shame in his choice? This finally causes Deku to snap and show All Might that his cloak and dagger approach is causing even more strain on the kid. Perhaps, similar to Bakugo, we the readers don’t have a comprehensive understanding of All Might as Deku is blinded by his own admiration. I feel like All Might carries more shame and guilt than we've been made privy to as he probably regrets his own hubris in not listening to Sir Nighteye and leaving while he was still on top. How would that have gone? He’d have privately faded into the background and remained the villain equivalent of a boogeyman.

Kirishima can’t help but be encouraging and sympathetic even to blades dude he’s like, “yea I know what it’s like to be weak, bro”. The irony being, we know this to be critical of Kirishima’s character. Despite his quirk being to harden, he constantly feels weak, powerless and like he doesn’t measure up to his peers. But the villain can’t imagine a blessed hero, who sits pretty within the social structure, knows anything about being weak. Meanwhile, the frustration of the downtrodden is what’s driving this change in society, outcasts are going to rule the world. This is echoed again when one of the Hassaikai laments to Amajiki. They’re fighting their villain foils. This idea that “a hero could never understand”. Meanwhile, they’re all trapped in a gilded cage. I don’t think it is a coincidence that this happens with Kirishima and Amajiki in particular as they both have a distinct lack of confidence though Kirishima’s is much harder for others to pick up on. Perfect proteges for the ever positive and lovely Pro!Fat Gum. The way he defended Amajiki’s weak spirit and how, true to form, Amajiki pulled it off? OMG and for Rappa to recognize Kirishima as a man, Fat Gum must have been beaming with pride (same, FG, same).

Bakugo’s words of strength to Kirishima during his moment of self-doubt. And comparing him to All Might (and perhaps Deku...) of all people. It’s love and respect, your honor. There is a theme in the way the “strong” admire the “weak”. Bakugo of Kirishima and Mirio of Amajiki later.

This also sounds like a reflection on Deku's strength. Deku constantly returns Bakugo's violence with a resilient kindness.. just saying.

During the joint task force meeting, Pro!Rock Lock is the only person in that room with any damn sense about not involving children. He’s also the person who clues us into the fact that the police commission, despite working with pros, may not trust or like them which is interesting. It just further splinters the “good guys” as the “bad guys” are unifying.

Mirio and Deku understood the bullet thing way faster than the others, likely because they’ve seen/experienced more. Or is this meant to suggest how "dark" they can become as they were able to imagine the worst case scenario quicker?

It’s ironic that, despite Pro!Sir Nighteye’s quirk for foresight, he practices extreme caution. Sure, we can’t do things as All Might could but also, does it show that even pro’s have qualms or misgivings about their quirks? Like, I wonder if this caution is a product of Sir Nighteye maybe not believing the prophecy about All Might. Or maybe he saw something he shouldn’t have.

Hope is a dangerous and irresponsible thing. All Might gave Deku hope and it blinded him. Deku gave Eri hope and sent her back into the lion’s den. Aizawa gave Deku hope and punched him right in his fatherless tie. Seriously, what is up with his tie?

During the infiltration, I think it’s interesting that Deku and Aizawa are the only ones who go after the flying officers. Maybe Bakugo’s the only vocal person about considering weaker people cannon fodder because I would think more of those pros would have sprung into action. If the Hassaikai knew about the raid, maybe there’s another mole? Same as UA? They don’t fear cops or heroes that’s for sure. Again, an observation by Rock Lock.

Um. Are Amajiki and Mirio tragic like Satosugu? Like Amajiki is constantly trying to catch up to and discouraged by Mirio’s strength? Amajiki’s hero name, Suneater as it relays to his quirk suggests if he figuratively eats the sun, he can project it as an extension of himself and I wonder how that evolves.

Mirio talks about someone who saved and inspired him but doesn’t name them… I wonder who it is and if it was 1) All Might or 2) if it was actually a villain thereby indebting him to them. Mirio just seems so irrevocably earnest, it doesn’t seem genuine. Kind of like how Shindo was at the provisional exam. Mirio later telling Eri that he’ll be her hero, I wonder if he shares a parallel to the hero who saved him. Perhaps the reason he didn’t identify the hero is because maybe he was saved at the expense of the hero’s life. I just think it’s odd he didn’t specify and wonder if it’s something that will come up later.

Toga is a G. She really got the drop on Aizawa with like no training. During the provisional exam she also showed some serious abilities to camouflage herself where, again, I have to wonder what she’d be like had her circumstances been different.

The imagery of Toga and Twice as a reverse yin yang I feel like meant something. Read: I am not shipping them. But, in later chapters, I hypothesize that we’ll see a greater delineation between Toga and Twice and the rest of the LOV. Like, Twice specifically talks about needing to care for Toga and I think Toga sees the LOV as a found family but I wonder if the other members do? I think Dabi couldn’t be bothered and Shigiraki… I’m undecided.

As if Overhaul wasn’t already in the shit with the LOV, misgendering Big Sis Magne sealed his fate. For sure.

If you made it this far, let me know what you think. Otherwise, I'll catch you in the next 25 chapters.

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soworthloving · 1 year

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Have you ever gone through your old photos and you have an array of feelings… I’ve mustered up the courage to dig into my old photos and some of them I tear up at because of an innocence, bravery, and naivety that I had then. Can you relate to this? Some of the photos, I question on if that moment was real or were there lies behind the smiles in the picture. Some, I become grateful for what I’ve learned, grateful for how far I’ve come, grateful for the souls in my life, and grateful for the memory. and then I found this one above… This picture probably reflects the innocence and bravery I had in my early 20’s. At this time, I had quit my job to pursue So Worth Loving full-time. I had just moved into my first office with inventory that my former husband and I purchased out of side hustle jobs we did. Printing and shipping was hard 11 years ago… print on demand did not exist in the same way as it does now. I learned how to hire interns to help me with the administrative side of returns, exchanges, single folding each tee, help with inventory count, adjusting the inventory to reflect what’s online and on the shelf so I wouldn’t oversell. I had to learn shipping software, what poly-bags are from Uline, how to make the labels look pretty and figure out how to do a spreadsheet for our margins, while managing profit and loss statements. In this photo I remember how I had no fear in pursuing a business… I was blindly naive and bold. I just went for it. NOW… I’m more timid and honestly scared. Sure there is some wisdom to my hesitation in what I’ve learned amidst my “failures”... But having hesitation out of fear vs wisdom looks so different. There’s a form of being simply paralyzed that I’ve been wrestling with lately. So Worth Loving is getting a new look, website, and collection come November 28— (our birthday) and as that date approaches, every bit of fear is popping up in me. Thoughts like… Are we still relevant? Do people still believe in our mission? Can I do retail again? The ultimate one: Will I be rejected publicly after being vulnerable to a dream? I trust God in it, this time. I don’t want to do this business out of my own strength like I did boldly in my 20’s... though I do honor that girl that was bold– good things came from her work. But the truth is, my own wisdom won’t get this message into millions of peoples homes. God, you have this. Have your way with so worth loving — expand its territory.

If you made it this far, would you join me in this new phase and new journey of So Worth Loving? I would love to hear from you. Reply to this email… we wouldn't exist with out your voice and I want to learn who the voice is.

#community #so worth loving #loved #valued #worthy #anxiety #depression #worth loving #selfworth #inspiring quotes

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regnantlight · 2 years

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@valorxdrive

♕ - Purpose.

Now there’s a word that manages to resonate deep into his being. Whereas it took him through countless light years amidst the nebulous stars, in comparison, Zelda succeeds in finding this much within the very fixture of her world alone. That in itself is worthy of praise Sora believes. As of his recent years there’s a part of him just barely getting into the deeper chasms of what his purpose can be. Why does he answer the Keyblade’s call.

Why does he protect?

What allows a boundless bravery to become the tidal wave within his heart?

In following his heart causes a surplus amount of questions to arrive with hardly any answer. Bit by bit the pause happens to become so fundamentally important. To get a look at the path laid. Within this moment of studying Zelda, watching her brow knit with focus while those seagreens that cast a wide array of emotions to hold focus, it momentarily captivates him. Strength of heart for this particular matter happens to be in high demand from the keybearer. He’s wanting and willing to learn from others. “And is that what makes take each step now days with that kind of certainty?” The question was tugged from a genuine well within his heart.

He still feels like he’s off in ways of truly settling upon such a path. Just how does someone define purpose to begin with? Did a higher calling dictate as such? ..Was it a pearl gritted and formed through the travails that she endured within her heart?

Part of Sora feels like trying to rush such an answer would invite nothing but trouble. All the same, he’d love to at least gain a feel for it.

”Hey... Zelda?” The way his tone shifts from the surefire certainty to more of a student, someone who wishes for her thoughts, it holds it’s own form of presence as he turns to face her fully. “Do you think having a purpose can do with something you love to do? Or is it.. different, like a part you always had to step into? I’ve met a friend once out there.. They told me, I look like someone who holds a strong sense of purpose.. and with that, you can find direction. While my heart resonated with it then.. I’m not sure if I understood it entirely..”

“I’d love to know what you think.”

She looks back at him, the wind stringing her hair long its gust, listening with quiet focus. Then her green eyes dart away, down to the grass below, dragged by the bitter, sad tang of memories. It was a blessing, in some ways, to have met Sora later in her life, past the point of failures and subsequent redemption.

In other ways, though...

It wasn’t at all surprising that others noted the same sense of strength and valor in Sora that she had observed from their first meeting. Someone who holds a strong sense of purpose— yes, she supposes Sora does look like that. Perhaps that was why she found herself wishing to keep him from peeking behind the curtain of her past. Let him know her only as she is now; not the heir of nothing from a century prior.

He had asked her a question, though, and if nothing else, Sora had earned her honesty.

“I am not certain I entirely understand it myself,” she admits, closing her eyes against another trail of wind, “but, in my experience...I do not believe that purpose and passion are at all dependent upon the other. They may...cross paths, so to speak, however shortly, but a purpose is...”

A part you always had to step into...how right you are, Sora.

“...something you were simply born to do. Regardless of anything else.” Zelda turns back to him then, her eyes curious, but kind, as she asks him in a soft tone, “And so? Which is it you are looking for, then? Purpose, or direction?”

#valorxdrive #STORIES BECOME LEGENDS (roleplay)#u.u #talking the deep talks

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inkykeiji · 2 years

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hey clari! i hope this doesn’t sound weird but i just wanted to say i’m so proud of you for responding to so many asks lately! i can see your progress nd i am so proud of u n i really hope i can make the same progress one day as well. for a loooong while now i’ve been repeating the same negative cycle and it’s so hard to just get out of it. every time i feel like i’m making progress something happens and i start all over again….(n it’s really fucking annoying!!!!) but i’m still trying!!! :/

i’m still working out the kinks of finding a good and mellow-paced daily pattern for myself but everything seems like too much lol nd i cant muster up the energy to do the bare minimum most of the time….i was wondering (if you’re ok with it) if you could share your daily pattern or routine.

you totally don’t have to!! i just thought it was worth a shot to ask lol

anyways…i love u n im so very proud of u! keep moving forward!!! u got this <33!!

hello anon!!! (´∀｀)♡ fair warning, this answer is extremely long lmao

it absolutely does not sound weird, omg!!!! it made me feel so happy and warm and giddy inside to hear that, thank you so much for telling me!!!! <33333 genuinely, i cannot tell you how much i appreciate this message <3 i’ve been working really, really hard to get back to the level of productivity i used to be at, as well as just working extremely hard to heal myself and learn how to healthily deal with my mental illness.

it is extremely difficult to break that cycle and i empathize so deeply with you, anon bb :( it requires a lot of self discipline, optimism, and motivation, all of which are especially hard to come by when you’re in the middle of an episode or stuck in a rut or a bout of sadness/icky feelings :( i want you to know that i believe in you!!!! i KNOW you can do this, i have complete faith in you, and i know you WILL succeed.

i’ve been going through exactly what you described—beginning to make progress, and then something happening and forcing me to begin all over again—for almost a YEAR now, so i completely understand how incredibly frustrating that is. it’s difficult not to lose hope during times like that, where it just feels like its some sort of endless, vicious cycle, and we’ll never break free of it. but i have personally broken free of that cycle once before, and now, i am going to do it again. and if i can do it, you can definitely do it, too!

first of all, i want you to know how proud i am of you!!!!!! it takes so much strength and bravery to continue trying in the face of all of this, so already you’re doing incredible. that’s an amazing feat all in itself and i want you to give yourself a pat on the back for it!!! no matter what’s happened, you still haven’t given up, and that says so much about who you are, your resilience, and your determination. it’s such a cheesy saying but it’s so true: the ONLY failure is the failure to try. every time something happens, you can look at it as a learning experience. this week my therapist said this to me, and it really helped, so i want to repeat it to you, too: she told me that every challenge, obstacle, or mistake we encounter is merely another opportunity to learn, to gather more information and to use that information to make ourselves better. it’s a very positive way to look at it, but it’s also TRUE.

she really likes to use the analogy of a scientist testing hypotheses through experiments: every time a scientist’s experiment fails, or proves their hypothesis wrong, they have learned something, they have failed better, and they can take this information to help themselves improve in their next experiment or endeavour. if you can, try to think of your life this way, as well. i can give you a personal example: i often have the tendency to set myself up for failure by expecting WAY too much of myself right off the bat. when i was first trying to get back into being active on my blog every day, i had set a goal of ten asks a day for myself. it seemed reasonable at the time, because before i had been answering 10-30 asks a day, so i figured i could totally start out at this threshold and work my way up.

it turns out, i completely forgot to factor in the fact that i am much more sick than i was when i was answering so many asks a day. it was akin to breaking your leg, resting until it heals, and then immediately trying to run a marathon the moment the cast comes off, instead of building up muscle and stamina gradually. i realized this, and lowered my goal to five asks a day. it turned out that that was also too many at that current moment, so i have set my goal for one ask a day. i have put the bar an inch away from the floor, because at this current moment in my life, this is where it needs to be. it isn’t there every single day, and it definitely won’t be that low forever, but at the moment i need to set goals that are consistently achievable, things i know i can do every day without being overwhelmed or getting so scared i just don’t do it at all.

so that’s my first piece of advice for you. give yourself goals that are easy to achieve, things you know you can do. my goals for every day are: answer one ask a day, work on a piece of writing for my blog for one hour a weekday, work on a piece of personal writing for one hour a weekday, practice cursive writing for 15-30 min a weekday. they are all small and most importantly ACHIEVABLE goals. here’s the secret: more often than not, once i start, i actually end up doing more than that, because i feel like i can, or because i WANT to. but the reason why setting these easy, achievable goals is important is because on the days where you truly, genuinely cannot do more than the bare minimum, you will still feel this sense of accomplishment, because hey! you did it! you did the one thing you set out to do, and that’s so much better than giving up or not doing anything at all, even if it is really small. ANY progress is better than no progress at all. ANY progress, no matter how little, moves you towards your goals.

my second piece of advice for you is to set up rewards for you achieving your goals. this is where your self discipline really comes into play. this is something i used to do in university and it helped me SO much. i would make a deal with myself: read these three articles, or write a few pages of this essay, or do two hours of research, and then i will allow myself to hang out with friends/go shopping/watch a film/play a game/etc.

for me, right now, my reward for myself is playing genshin (LMAO). it is the hyperfixation currently occupying the most of my mind—all i want to do is talk about it/play it/write about it—so i make myself a promise every single day: achieve your daily goals, and you can spend the rest of the free time you have playing the game. if i am able to achieve my goals consistently every day, monday to friday, then on the weekend i treat myself to something small—i either buy myself gems, or this weekend i bought myself a lil plushie hehehe c: but the point is, make the reward something you really want, and hold yourself accountable for achieving it.

i went to a prestigious uni, and they really beat into my mind that i’m completely worthless all the time unless i am constantly doing work. this makes enjoying relaxation time extremely difficult, because i feel disproportionately guilty. i’ve found that setting these goals with rewards helps lessen this A LOT.

so anyway, these are the techniques i’ve been using recently. my therapist also has me check in with myself every single morning; she says its very important to track things like our mood and our energy, as well as other factors (sleep, environment, stress, etc) so we can catch burn-out before it happens and take those extra rest days when they’re required. that isn’t lazy, that’s called taking care of yourself and being kind and compassionate to yourself—and it’s a responsible thing to do. some days i really can’t answer more than one ask, and that’s okay, because at least i’m doing something.

just the other day i had to bring down one of my writing sessions from an hour to 30 minutes, because i was having such a terrible day and an hour just sounded way too daunting. but guess what? i began my session, keeping in mind that i was only going to do it for 30 minutes, and actually ended up writing for an hour and a half! sometimes you will genuinely surprise yourself, and honestly 90% of the time it’s only starting that’s the most difficult. on the days where i’m having a really rough time, i remind myself how important this is to me. i remind myself how much this means to me, how special it is, how much i truly DO want to do it, how good i feel when i achieve something, and that usually helps me push through and get started.

it’s so important for us to be flexible with ourselves and give ourselves what we need when we need it. i think that as long as we’re continuing to try, then we’re succeeding. adjust accordingly!!! for me, i know that being productive makes me feel really, really great, so even on those days where simply getting out of bed and making food is difficult, i still try to at least tick off ONE thing on my goals list. that way, at least i’ve done something, even if it wasn’t everything. it’s still a step in the right direction, you know? there are also days where we really do need to take a full break from everything as well, and that is okay as well. only you know what you need <3

you mentioned having difficulty doing the bare minimum; maybe your bare minimum is still set too high for where you are at this current moment. is there any way you can bring it down even lower? even if you have to bring it down to just one thing a day, that is STILL progress and that is still success, and it will still help you move forward and built momentum. start as slow and as small as YOU need to, anon <3 you are doing what is best for you, and there is absolutely no shame in that. if your current bare minimum is still too much and too overwhelming, bring it down even further. make it the barest you can. because doing the barest you can is still so much better than doing nothing at all and feeling all crummy because of it!

the last thing i wanted to mention is that i try to do something meaningful to me every single day. just one thing, it doesn’t have to be big, but it makes me feel good and it helps keep me rooted in this current moment as well as helps me appreciate everything i have more <3

waaaah okay i know this is SUPER long but i hope this helps at least a little, anon bb <333 i have so much faith in you and i KNOW you can do this!!!! if you have any other questions please do not hesitate to ask <3 i love u so so much and i’m so thankful to have you here with me!!!

#like 1800 words long #waaah i just wanted to make sure i was explaining and coming across as clearly as possible!!!#but anyway sweetpea that's what i'm doing at the moment <3 #i genuinely hope this helps you <33333 #ily sm!!!!!!!! have a wonderful sunday and stay safe + hydrated!!!#inky.bb #clari gets mail

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reacty · 2 years

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Yvette and how to write a Byronic heroine(Part 1)

"Inwardly, Bruce Wayne is still an adolescent watching his parents being murdered. That will never leave him. And people really relate to that."

Kevin Conroy

"In truth it was I, who was betrayed!"

Illidian Stormrage, World of Warcraft

"But few people really want to see themselves as being bad or evil, whatever label they wear. I've done things I regret, I've done things I'm proud of, and I've walked the roads in between. The sliding scale is a fantasy. There's no simple answers."

Skitter, Worm

Various Byronic Hero/ine quotes.

The first time I see Yvette was on Wrath season 1 I see a manipulative,spiteful and bitter woman who was unable to let go of her past but while playing on Fire Emblem Three houses I read those comment on Edelgard(by the way if you love in slightest way Yvette YOU WILL LOVE EDELGARD!):Edelgard is dislike not because of her actions,not because of what she does or doesn't but because she is a very complex that can easily misunderstoond so 3/4 people are willfully ignorant or just not interested in looking closer. They accept what Rhea tells them as facts instead to take a lens and analyze Edelgard(By the way Edelgard x Fbyleth are my OTP!) since the biggest barrier most fans not wanting to feel like they have “chosen wrong” and to feel they are righteous and unbiased. So I've decide to give Yvette a try after I've finished Wrath s1(since it bored me,don't worry after Yvette I'll do Wrath reaction) and I like her since to quote her she is a very complex character:

Here the "General Byronic hero/ine" traits list,

I wasted enough words let's start:

The " first time" I see really her was on the show as the summary of her first season states:

and its true with few words and gesture she lures MC(and ME) on rabbit down the hole* and start to see multi- that is Yvette Holte and I will use her Love story with MC start+ some of her actions on the following to avoid spoiler for those didnt go further season 1=

At first a she see a cute innocent woman whom she can't help herself but teasing mc and suggest to not esitate and be embarrassed by her desire to reach for what(Hotness,flirtation🤤😏) but when mc chase her to say hello and ask her name but she mistake Yvette and Vinca situation being captured by mafias(we're on Las Vegas after all) go to her rescue and inadvertently caught her in the act to punish a demon for his failure(capture Vuzgamad ? Innocent and good civilian caught in the crossfire ? I dunno😅) leaving Yvette stunned and out of control for the first time ever(vulnerability) so she forced to put an Indy ploy* to give mc a way out by saying she's illusion and mc caught them in the middle and she gifted with a ticket both as apologize for the scare and thanks for her goodness and bravery for her will to rescue a stranger from thugs if necessary(and the secret hope to meet MC again[showing both her soft and good side not wanting mc being caught in a mess simply she saw women in need of rescue] and vulnerabity wanting to meet her as woman not as sin assassin),

so we see at the deadly sin show and Vinca and Lazareth caught a true jerk that deserve punishment (he steal funds for poor and buy cars you jerk!),she show me both her cynism and ruthless in try to punish by ask the public how to punish him and hyped them up their greedness for punishment but when mc show up and rescue the jerk by taking his place Yvette is both surprise and elated to see her again(ruthless,cruel and punisher of evil; sweetness,vulnerabity and softness for good people and Cripples, Bastards, and Broken Things and anyone in need this is why even at her worst she keep up with her duty*) she and mc and enjoy for the first time the show(sparkling the light that Yvette believe to have to have lost in the darkness that is her life and starting to fall in love with MC)

Then at date she talk with a demon who work for her but since mc has no clue about demon,assassin and crazy stuff she mistaken Yvette for a Mafia woman and the demon for a henchwoman and after mc surprised her with bravery,intelligence and being cute(showing Yvette ruthless,darkness to the demon and the protective,sweet,soft and good side to MC by keeping her safe and good).

After the dinner in which Yvette introduces mc to her crazy world by gifting her "The Sight" and we her philosophy and how she keeps the world safe from being enslaved by demons again:

Keep it away from the innocent,cripples, bastards, and broken things by keep the bad and the evil on thigh leash! Like the ouroboros.

Since there is no future for demons or they work for protect humans with her or they die and a less demon who can harm or worst kill a human really poetic and byronic(By the way she meant Vuzgamad with the demon currently work for)

and show her protective side by scolding Vinca given she was mean to MC since Day 1* and remind her and us reader that MC is woman whom she and will can do everything

and more important she can think for herself(showing how well she read people) and apologize for the rough evening and the fact that while Yvette is used to this Mad Wonderland but MC not so Vinca reveal to mc that Yvette she likes her(so Vinca being a shipper and show us that her feelings for mc are slowly became genuine:like,the need to see her) and to give Yvette a try!

So when Vuzgamad appear to threaten to kill her because since Yvette meet mc,she slowly and surely reawakened her dying light,love and hope so Yvette goes ballistic on her and while protect mc with all her heart and we know another side of her bitterness,mystery,self-loathing and self-hatred and doesn't believe that she deserve MC(Her light,her love her everything....ad I'm going fast forward again😂) and after they escaped Vuzgamad she promise to show the woman behind the illusion and after the while ordeal Yvette show us again her good and soft side by checked and fretting over mc ad blamed herself about Vuzgamad,despite that Vuzgamad is absolutely unpredictable and fiercily promise mc that she will always protect mc and when MC ask her to come with her to check on Joyce(mc mother) and she does keep her word and answer was going on Yvette

MC:What Vuzgamad meant she made you?

This....is the first time she's genuinely broken,hurt like a lost puppy both MC and me wish to hug her and lash out at everyone who wish to harm her

Yvette:I have ... history with demons since I was little...

MC:did you seek them?

Yvette then makes an expression of a kicked pup 😥

I never seeked evil😡.... they found me😥 and since then it nevel left me and I'm at war,deal with it every day,I have to survive(I Never Asked For This...*)

So when Yvette see MC and Joyce being a heartwarming family❤ she's overwhelmed by all of this and show us the broken,lonely who have nothing but despair and bitterness thanks to Vuzgamad

That she run away from all of this.

*Definition of go down the rabbit hole : To enter into a situation or begin a process or journey that is particularly strange, problematic, difficult, complex, or chaotic, especially one that becomes increasingly so as it develops or unfolds.

*Definition of Indy ploy:The Indy Ploy is when someone improvises a plan in the middle of the action or comes up with one immediately before the action starts. Either way, the initial plan has failed, and now the character is forced to come up with a new plan on the fly with no time to prepare or think about the consequences.(Which for a crazy prepared,100% in control and all woman Yvette is an out-of-character is a serious business!)

*Tyrion Lannister: " I have a soft spot for Cripples, Bastards, and Broken Things"

*Vinca a complex and interessing character to. See here↓

*Adam Jensen

-Deus Ex Human Revolution

#swm yvette #yvette holte #yvette #swm mc

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