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2kmps · 7 months

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A SELFISH LIFE

eriks!vash x reader | 3.3k

synopsis; you were a doctor's apprentice when you met eriks for the first time two years ago. since then, you always felt there was more to his story and scars than he let on.

story warnings; mentions of a gun, not entirely canon complaint, trimax-coded vash, sweet smoochies at the end

please reblog if you enjoyed reading!!

On occasion, you noticed that he wouldn't respond to the name 'Eriks', even while looking him dead in the face. There'd be a certain glazed, faraway stare in his eye that speared straight through you like ice, telling you stories of unknowable agony and misery and guilt that you believed you would never be prepared to understand.

You had been there the day Lina happened across that man—beaten, broken, donning the devil's red garb in complete tatters as the remnant strips billowed out around him as though extensions of his own body. It was advantageous to him that you were there, traces of relief ebbing the severity of his brow when you assured him you were the doctor's apprentice.

In those fleeting seconds before his eyes rolled into his head and he collapsed, you thought he looked at you as though you were star-filled sky on a clear night—hopeful and soft.

Two years had come and gone since then, possibly the longest of your life. The old doctor in town had passed in his sleep six months ago, bringing your apprenticeship to a screeching halt, and now you were stuck bringing water cups and handfuls of painkillers to disgraced bounty hunters and rowdy children.

"Is it really so bad?" Eriks asked, tipping your stool on two legs as he nudged you. "You're still helping people, you're still saving their lives. Without people like you, there'd be so much more death."

"Do you know how bad it sucks to have spent years and years studying and studying, only for some random travelers to come swoop in and say my apprenticeship is invalid?" you shot back, air hissing between your teeth as you sighed. "I don't want to be a nurse, Eriks. This wasn't how it was supposed to be!"

Eriks stared a while, you couldn't see his eyes through the orange lenses he had tendencies to keep on his person—like an old habit he couldn't break. He settled himself deeper into the old rocker, reaching to the opposite side for two long cans of beer.

You didn't say anything as you took one of them and pulled the tab.

"It's hard to accept, I understand." Eriks let his knees and heels do the work to rock himself in the chair. He sipped the froth from the top of the can. "We come into this life and do our hardest to achieve something—anything—and it just... doesn't turn out how we want it to. No matter how desperately we wish we could change things, we're limited by what we can control."

Mustering the energy to leave your stool, you stepped off the front porch to sit on the edge, legs swinging circles while you drank. "So, what's the point, then? What's the point of having goals, dreams, desires if those things can just be ripped out of hands? Just like that?"

"It's a hard pill to swallow, I'm sorry," he continued, "more than anyone, I... wanted to see your dream come true. You would have made a great doctor."

The can cracked and crumbled under your fingertips, chin dimpling as you suffocated the ache pulsing in your chest. "It fucking sucks. It fucking sucks! It's not fair! Screw those fucking assholes, screw the university!"

There weren't many things you could control, but you were able to quiet your sobs to an occasional wheeze and shudder of your shoulders. The can of beer fell from your hands, bubbling as it pooled above the parched, fissured earth.

The slabs of wood under your body vibrated just as long arms wound you, pulling your weight into Eriks chest. The point of his chin nestled on your shoulder, tips of his blonde hair tickled your neck.

"It's okay to cry, you should cry." He assured, guiding your body into a gentle sway side-to-side. "There's nothing wrong with mourning what you've lost but, please, don't give up on your patients. Don't give up on the people who truly need help."

"I couldn't do that, even if I wanted to." You confessed, eyebrows creasing inward as a bitter smile inched itself across your lips. "No matter how much I hate the clinic and the university, I can't let people suffer and die. I'll find my own way forward..."

"Good." His jaw moved, stubble coarse against your skin as his hold slowly eased. "Find your own path, and never stop walking."

The sun had come and gone by the time eriks decided to let you go, inviting the chill of the cold, lonely desert night to caress your back and skin in a way that didn't compare to the warmth he had given you. Inside the house, Lina and Granny had already retired to their rooms for the evening, whereas Eriks busied himself with emptying the rest of his beer off the edge of the porch.

"It's getting pretty late," he said, glancing out into the vast nothingness beyond the house. "You should stay the night. Don't go trying to walk home when those gangs have been running around causing problems."

"Eriks, I need to get back to town. I need—"

"Stay." He said, voice carrying a hard edge that made your jaw clench and a shiver race down the back of your neck. "Don't be so willing to put yourself in danger. You can't help anyone if you're dead."

He kept the screen door open with a hand, saying nothing and waiting patiently for you to duck below his arm through the threshold into the house.

You took a glance around, everything looked the same as it always did, even with Eriks' presence floating about for the past two years. The layout was sparse, but not hurting for necessities that had earned their title of 'well loved'. It was the type of house you expected would feel amiss if something were removed, leaving a spot on the floor oddly pristine and free from the wear and tear of shoes and messes and life.

The old floorboards bent underfoot, amplifying yours and Eriks steady footfalls to the opposite end of the farmhouse where his room was.

This wasn't anything out of the ordinary: being led down a narrow, inky black hallway to where this lumbering man slept. You'd seen it a few times before, even sat on his bed once or twice when Granny's health issues stirred up during a dust storm and he wanted to know the details—privately.

"I have a couple extra blankets, so you can take the bed and I'll sleep on the floor." Eriks said, jolting you from your thoughts as linens and pillows landed in a heap, rousing clouds of dust that had settled quietly, undetected for a time.

"Are you sure about that?" you asked, sweeping the side of your shoe along the ground. "This is your room. It's bad for your back to sleep without support."

His smile was daring, almost lewd. "Are you saying you want to sleep together in the same bed?"

"I—" your jaw unhinged, chest flouncing as you choked out a laugh. "That's not what I said! You—ah, you really need to go to the brothel, buddy. Get some of that energy out."

"Nah, I'll pass." He sighed, shoulders rolling forward into a slumped posture. "Are you good here if I go and take a bath? You'll probably be asleep by the time I get back."

"I never sleep." You withered against the bed, seating your rear right on the edge. "Never could fix my sleeping schedule after university. But, are you gonna be okay?"

He perked at that. "What do you mean?"

"Eriks, you let yourself get beaten on all the time by the gangs in town," you said, gesturing to his entire person in as many places as you could. "I was the one who treated you when you showed up, and I'm the one treating you now when you're covering for Lina being a loudmouth."

"Hey, now, c'mon," Eriks shook a hand towards you. "She's just a kid. She doesn't know any better yet."

You couldn't understand how he was taking this in such stride, not when you were the one who had seen him in the beginning and watched blood ooze from the gouges and lacerations in his flesh, turning the clear bathwater red by the time you finished cleaning him off.

"All I'm saying is that we should start talking some sense into that girl." After a moment, you continued, "I don't want her to get hurt. She's so strong, Eriks, but that kind of strength gets beaten out of you around here. She doesn't deserve that—no one does."

Eriks took steps towards you, the scuffed tips of tawny shoes just on the fringes of your eyesight as you stared at the ground. "Do you want her to hide herself? We don't get to choose who people are—how they are—we just have to accept them. She hasn't done anything wrong."

It was your turn to return the venom, eyelids reaching your brow as you looked up at him through your lashes. More than upset, he seemed disappointed.

"Sometimes, it's better to blend in than to be another client for the undertakers, Eriks."

You saw his jaw twitch, thought maybe you heard his teeth clicking as well. His eyes were ablaze with emotion you had never witnessed him from, glistening like clear crystal in the pillars of moonlight streaming in through the window. As much as you wanted to believe you knew this man, you truly didn't, and definitely not now as he warred with himself through frustration and defeat.

Without a word, he swiveled on his heel, grabbed a pair of towels from a chair and pulled the door shut after him when he left the room. You were alone now, needles in your thighs and ass from where you sat, to consider what it was he was most upset about.

The man you knew as Eriks hardly seemed to be the one you had just spoken to. Eriks was a man who enjoyed dallying and drinking in his free time, unflappable, and always willing to lend a hand. This man was scared and confused, something felt fragile about him.

It made you feel bad.

"Goddamn, I'll just take the floor." you complained, picking up the linens to fold them as thick as you could get them, pillows stacked out in a row to give some cushioning to your back through the night.

You lasted thirty minutes on those dirty down pillows and blankets before the tossing started. Above your head on the nightstand, a round alarm clock clacked on monotonously to remind you how long a minute really could last.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me..."

First, you faced the door, hands tucked under your chin while you stared at it, half believing you had seen the doorknob twist a few times in the dark. The ground didn't vibrate under your body, no distant cries of flexing wood slabs—no one was awake, Eriks was still in the bath.

When it became too tedious for you to gawk expectantly at a door, you beat your way across the pillows onto your other side, facing the bed and streams of moonlight. Your hands nestled in the same spot under your chin, elbows digging down into the makeshift mattress just as one of the wooden boards beneath you jiggled and lifted a couple of inches.

"Did that dipshit put a hole in the floor?"

It sure seemed that way, you confirmed with yourself, pressing against it to raise it higher into the air until the bulge through your pillows was impossible to ignore.

Everything was ripped away from formation, lifting wild spirals of dust into the air and letting you choke on it while fussing with the board. You caught it just then, when the soft white glow from the window glinted off of something metallic in the hole. It beckoned you, lured your curiosity to the point of pressing your chest flush to the floor, arm buried to the shoulder, fingers desperately groping around.

"Has to be the foundation of the house." you growled, kicking your legs out to reach deeper. "None of the other boards are loose... he did this on purpose."

What unsettled you more than that realization was when your pads struck something freezing, large, and metallic. You recoiled some, arm catching those jagged edges, making you spit.

Prayer didn't save lives, but in this moment of sinking your arm back down to fully grab the thing, you prayed it wasn't what you thought it was.

And, as you used all the strength in both arms to reel it out from its hiding space, the moonlight fully revealed to you the ominous glow belonging to a monstrous pistol.

"Fuck!" your shoulders dragged from the weight of it, making it a task to heave it onto the bed to rid your hands of it. "Fuck, this guy is packing some heavy fire power here."

Your mind was in a spiral. Of all things secrets that you expected Eriks to be towing around, being a gunman wasn't one you set high on your list of possibilities. He didn't seem the type, not easygoing, loveable, kind, gentle—

"What are you doing?"

For the second time that night, you felt needles prickling against the back of your neck, down your arms, making your palms start to sweat. If it weren't for the fact that you knew Eriks voice by heart, in a crowd, in a rowdy bar—you wouldn't have believed that tone belonged to him.

You took a deep breath, heart thundering in your ears as you turned to him. "Who are you? And don't feed me some stupid bullshit."

Vash's eyes were wide, frenetically skipping across the scene of the upturned board, the pistol on his bed, and the way your face warped in confusion and fear. When he took two steps forward, you were already on the other side of the bed, dragging the gun closer to you and further from his reach.

"Don't—don't do this..." he showed you his palms, coming as close to the bed as his knees would let him. The only thing he wore on his body was a pair of gray sweatpants and a white towel across his neck. He wasn't hiding anything, surely you could see that. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"Fat fucking chance I'd believe that," you spat, nearly grabbing the old chair next to you to fling at him when he tried to round the bed. "If you come any closer, I'm going to scream. Are you a gunman?"

Vash kept his hands up, managing to uphold a neutral expression despite the way his insides felt like they were being ripped apart. "No, not anymore. That's all in my past."

"You expect me to believe that? After I pull this thing out from a hiding spot?!" you strained your voice to a hoarse whisper, for some reason not fully convinced you needed to yell. "Are you insane? Are you a hitman? Part of a gang? A bounty hunter?"

"No." He said.

The corners of your mouth twitched, eyes tracing a path from the gun to him, and then towards the closed bedroom door. You wouldn't have enough time to get around him to escape, and the window was too high for you to break and climb out of. You wondered if he was also aware that you were cornered without an exit.

It's funny that life always worked out like that.

"Your name isn't Eriks, is it?"

He frowned. "It's not, no."

"What is it?" you asked, pressing harder, "I think I have a right to know after two years of lies."

"I can't tell you that, I'm sorry," he said.

Oddly, you were more frustrated by this situation than you were scared. If he was a gunman of the bad type, he could've killed you by now, could've dropped you with a single round in cold blood, done the same to Lina and Granny and no one would ever know. He had a chance to do this everyday for two years.

He never did.

"Don't look at me like that," he rasped on a single breath, refusing to let his hands drop until he saw the tension ease out of your body. Slowly, he tried rounding the bed again, eyes never leaving yours even when he caught the motion of your fingers twitching towards the pistol. "It's not loaded. I haven't had bullets for it in a long time. I swear, I didn't keep it hidden to hurt you or Lina."

"You won't even tell me your name." You were staring at his chest once he was in front of you, studying the scars and patchwork metal across his pectoral. Faintly, but there, something called to you to reach out and touch him. "What do you expect me to think when you say that?

"It makes sense now. Your scars. You showing up in the condition that you did. The secrecy—hiding the gun. You don't make it easy for people to figure you out."

His eyes softened, an even more brittle smile formed across his lips as he reached out with his left arm, the cold fingers were a strange sensation against your cheek. You flinched from him a few times, tilting your face away, but he followed until you let him touch you.

"I'm sorry, I wish I could tell you everything, but I just... can't.'' His voice was purposefully gentle, soothing and reassuring, reminding you of how he was when he had held you earlier in the evening. "Please, don't tell Lina or Granny about this. My life right now is all I could have ever wanted. The chores. The dinners. Everyone in town... you."

It was hard for you to think when he was stroking your face so sweetly, lovingly. "You're lying to them. You've been lying to them. You've been lying to me."

"I'll never complain about another chore, or when you poke and prod at me with needles, or when granny makes me help her ball her yarn." Vash pressed his false hand into your face, angling it so you could see the sincerity in those brilliantly blue eyes. "I want this for me, however selfish it may be. This quiet, peaceful life carrying around groceries and bringing you lunch at the clinic."

"Eriks—" that name didn't sound right on your tongue anymore, but he didn't correct you.

"So, please, I'm begging you, don't say anything to them. Let me live in peace with them, with everyone—with you."

Those eyes of his seared into your soul; a beautiful, yet tumultuous storm of emotions swirled in them. There was then wetness just below your eye, warmth streaking along the curves of your face. The second time you realized that they were not your tears, but his.

"I don't want to let any of this go," he pleaded.

The dull ache behind your ribs never subsided, not as you leaned into him to place a fleeting peck to the corner of his mouth, and especially not when he intercepted that with his lips for a kiss he seemed to revel in forever.

"What's your real name?" you had pulled away long enough to ask. "Tell me."

"Don't make me tell you. Not right now."

Vash took you by the shoulders, one large hand cradling the back of your head, thumb stroking your face as he kissed you feverishly and long.

divider by; @/anlian-aishang

reposted from my deleted blog officiallytheduchess/cardeneiv

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idyat · 5 days

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Haiii mootie! Haiii!!! :3

Alright,,, Jeb and and and reader are remembering are flashbackimg to when they first met and and it’s during nexus times and they they’r..ee just silly and and and

Explodes

Hi hi hi! :D Here's a little sumthin sumthin while you recompose yourself

Jebediah Christoff x reader

It was a stormy night

Summary: You and your lover reminisce on a rainy day

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Across the nevadean wasteland, a sky even darker than it normally is looms over everything, the lighting it spews blinding the world in a bright red light. As if it wasn't apocalyptic enough already.

The sight of people running around, fighting for shelter or their bucket of blood red water is admired by a couple through the window of what used to be a lovely bedroom.

"How long do you think this one'll last?"

One of them ask as they rub their lover's bald head.

"It doesn't look like it'll stop anytime soon. We'll have to prepare for a flood."

"Will we have to leave this place? Aw, I actually liked it here."

"We can do it later."

He reajusts himself snuggly on their lap.

"I'm a little too tired to move right now."

This makes his partner raise an eyebrow. Oh? The all so hardworking and serious Jebus is slacking off? Not that they're complaining, it just means more cozy time.

A few more minutes are spent looking out the window, before his lover speaks up again.

"This is the same weather as when we first met."

He raises his head towards them.

Right, it was a stormy night a few years ago; establishement neons were glowing through the fog, cars sent water splashing from both up and down, and Dr Christoff was just done slumping to a cold and wet bus stop bench with a heavy bag full of work documents in his hand.

He sat down with a sigh, removing his glasses to rub at his aching head. It felt like the whole of Nevada was mocking him today. Between the accidental deletion of several important documents, violent intruders, failed experiments and his coworkers deciding to blame HIM to save their own asses, the weather was truly the last problem on his mind right now. Especially when the oportunity to finally go home and rest was ruined by the obligation to go and report all the incidents back at some annex administrative building or whatever.

"Hubris... Couldn't deal with their own responsibilities..."

Jebus mutters loud enough for his sweetheart to giggle at it.

"You've always loved to complain about your coworkers huh?" They tease.

"No... They were simply just exasperating sometimes."

"Exasperating" was what he kept mumbling under his breath and the rain, with no umbrella and only a small raincoat to shield himself from the cold.

Truly, it couldn't get any worse...

"Excuse me?"

Oh Jesus Christ.

A figure sat next to Christoff, holding their umbrella over his head.

"You dropped this."

He slowly turned his eyes off his hand and put his glasses back on to look at the wet papers and keycard they were presenting.

"Oh... Thank you."

As he folded the documents into his pocket, his eyes looked back, through the fogged lenses, to the face who still held the umbrella over them both. They seemed absentminded, as if waiting for something.

Eventually the bus came, and they climbed in.

It arrived at his destination, and they climbed out.

He walked, and they followed.

Christoff's eyes occasionally glanced at the person who keeps shielding him from the rain as they take the same exact route.

Perhaps it was the rain, but it felt like a cold sweat ran down his temple. With how things are in Nevada, even Nexus City could be dangerous at night, and their lack of response to the strange situation sure did not help.

"Pardon me."

They finally turn their head towards him.

"Are you going to Nextus Prints?"

They nod before speaking up.

"Apologies if I creeped you out. I should have been more polite."

"It's alright."

The heavy sigh probably didn't sound very convincing, but at this point, he didn't really care.

"Why did I do that?"

It's his turn to chuckle now.

"What are you going there for?"

After a few minutes of akward silence, walking in the oddly silent city, their voice rang up again.

"Fixing my coworkers mistakes."

"Ah. That explains why you look so grumpy."

A cheeky smile made its way onto their face, just big enough for Christoff to notice it and turn his eye, first at them then away, perhaps in a bit of embarrassement.

"Grumpy...my little grumpy man."

Their hand affectionately pulls at Jebus' cheek.

"You'd be mad too if you worked with fools."

"I told you."

"Oh, hush now."

Jebediah didn't realize how it happened, maybe because he didn't pay much attention, maybe because he didn't care much, but he was now conversing with the stranger. Conversing as in listening to them ramble on about whatever.

He looks up at the umbrella. Isn't their arm tired by now?

He looks down at his briefcase. God he hopes nothing inside got wet. At least the stranger was there to make sure that didn't happen for the last ten or thirty minutes or so.

He looks at their face, and they make eye contact.

They smile.

He looks away in embarrassement.

They make eye contact, the thunder illuminating the savior's angel and revealing all their traits. From the smallest shine to the slightest bump.

He smiles.

Finally, after a walk that felt way too long, but not necessarily unpleasant, they reach the dimly illuminated "Nextus Prints".

"Oh...I've been talking a lot haven't I?"

They stop in front of the bulding, face suddenly laced with worry.

"No worries."

He didn't admit to not actually disliking it. It helped distract him from his frustrations and their voice was nice to listen to.

Once in front of the desk, they stepped aside for him to go at the counter first.

"Oh, I think the rain is starting to stop."

Jebus opens his tired eyes to check for himself.

"Ah, it is. Looks like we won't have to move tonight then."

"Great."

They grab him by the waist.

"I wanted to cuddle a bit anyways."

Jebus is laid on top of them as they spread their body over the bed, not without a blush from the savior.

As Jebediah finished giving out his reports, he saw the stranger resting their arms on the windowsill, looking out to the flooding city. He would have notified them, but frankly, they looked rather peaceful, he didn't want to disturb them. So, while waiting for the receptionist to be fully done with his own business, he simply stood close. Not close enough to seem strange or alarming, just enough to be able to see their face lit up by the electric glow of lampshades and neons, then by the storm, both of them alone in the administrative building.

He suddenly remembered the wet paper in his pocket. Crap, he forgot to give that one away. How annoying...

Unfortunately, the person at the counter was already gone, so he moved in front of it, waiting for them to come back. He turned around, resting his lower back against the desk as he rubbed his forehead and sighed for what was probably the fiftieth tile that night, before realizing the stranger was now looking at him. Must have made some noise without noticing.

"My apologies, I've been having a bad day."

"It's alright, I think I could tell anyway."

A few more moments of silence passed.

"Thank you for the umbrella, by the way."

They turned back to him, eyebrows raised, before smiling.

"Of course."

For the first time since they first saw eachother, Jebediah smiled back at the stranger. It was discreet and polite, but enough for their own to widen slightly as they turned back to the window.

"It seems like the rain is dying down. You won't need me anymore."

He bent down a little, and they were right.

Eventually, his name was called, and he went to fix up whatever was needed.

After that, another name was called, and the stranger at the window walked up and past him.

A few minutes later, they walked out of the bulding, and to their surprise saw the old man standing right outside, lightly resting against the moist wall.

"I like the rain, if that was your question."

He says as to answer their silence.

"...Right."

They look around a little, then at Jebediah.

"Goodbye."

He could hear the smile in their voice, but as he tried to get a look at it, they'd had already dissapeared.

He stood in the silence of the dying storm for a few moments, before making his way home as well.

As he did, the name that was called out at the desk echoed through his mind. He quickly tried to shake it off.

It's not like that random stranger will be somebody important anytime soon...

The events of that night echo through the head he rests against his lover's torso. Simply mentioning something can bring back a lot of nostalgia, can it? The thought is the last to pass his mind, as he closes his eyes and finally falls into slumber, holding the one he carries dear in his heart close to his body.

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Agagaga the ending is rushed sorry

#hope you can tell when the timeskip thingies happen #asks #madness combat #madcom #madness combat jebus x reader #madness combat x reader #madcom jebus x reader #madcom jebediah christoff #jebediah christoff x reader #jebediah christoff #madcom jebus #madness combat jebediah christoff #madness combat jebus #mc jebus x reader #mc jebus

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spearxwind · 8 months

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not to sound weird but what was that work you put in to get where you are 🙏 i want to improve my life so bad but have no clue where to start. even a general gist of things

You dont sound weird! I think it's commendable to want to change your life for the better, and I want to help in any way I can :D

This is also my own perspective but I think a lot of it could be universally applied if you look at it through different lenses of ppls different situations. This also got rly long so I'm putting it under a readmore ^^;

So I had pretty much been isolating myself with increasing ferocity for years until recently. Even when trying to reach out to people I was extremely closed off, keeping my feelings behind many walls and chains always. A lot of my hard work has come from undoing all of that fuckup. I put all my eggs into my online friendships (and even then had a hard time with them).

My behavior was a cluster of personal garbage, learned mannerisms from keeping bad company, and hardwired reactions to specific behaviors. It's something pretty hurtful to realize when you do realize it, but that doesn't mean that you are a bad person or a failure or anything like that. It just means that you have certain bare minimum survival behaviors that worked before but now are only doing you damage, and you have to learn to undo them. (which is a great step!!)

Which brings me to what I have (painfully) learned over the past several years: the basis to any and every good relationship, romantic, platonic, family, or anything is crystal clear communication. Straight up for the love of god communication skills will save your life time and time and time again

And also like I said in earlier posts the solution to wanting to be more social is just BEING more social. This is arguably extremely hard, especially after years of "if they want me around they'll ask me" and always waiting to be invited but not wanting to bother anyone by asking if you can join NO!!!!!!!! GET THAT SHIT OUT OF YOUR BRAIN EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY!!!!! It really does NOT work that way at all. People will invite you to things if they see you express interest in them. The same way that in your head you think 'theyll invite me if they want me to go' if they dont see you express interest people will think you dont want to join. If you go someplace and just stay recluse because youre shy they likely will also think "theyre probably not comfortable or dont want to be here, so we wont force them". People are inherently kind and they are definitely NOT thinking about shunting you on purpose (and I am speaking this, genuinely, from personal experience)

While I was studying my major I got close to a group of people and thought of them as my friend group, but they always seemed cold to me, and I rarely got invited to hangouts because they seemed closer among themselves so I ended up always thinking that they didn't really want me around, and created all of these assumptions in my mind about them or what they thought of me.

Years later, recently, I found one of them again just... randomly while walking through the street and we started talking. And in my much better state of mind I asked about this whole thing because I wanted to know how the rest of the group was doing (I care very much for them still) and he revealed to me that THEY were the ones who thought I was shutting myself off of the group bc I didnt wanna be close to them. Which just blew my mind but it made a lot of sense and explained a lot. I was always on my phone too, talking with my internet friends (because it was my comfort zone), so what they'd assumed was that I already had a friend group that I was invested in and so I wasnt going to prioritize them. SO basically this whole thing ended up being resolved with clear communication and would have been solved much earlier if I had just spoken up about it and gotten braver (though my mental state did not let me at the time)

Anytime you are making up assumptions and ultimatums in your mind without communicating them to the other party you should stop and very much go and speak out loud to the other party (or parties) it will genuinely do you good cause huge as hell brain snowballs do nothing but drown you in your own mind.

Also on the being social front, if you dont have the practice in then it will be hard but a lot of it is very much "fake it till you make it" and I genuinely cannot recommend that enough. Inject yourself into conversations and places and act like yourself unapologetically because the secret isnt to craft a persona that you think people will like, its just being yourself and finding people who will love you for who you are. And like I said I just got invested in other ppls plans and asked to be able to go to places, and oftentimes just by expressing interest i got invited "oh I love this show very much!!" "well we have a plan to watch it at my pals house do you wanna come?" "we were planning on going to X place this week" "omg that sounds so cool can I come with" "of course!" Generally people will respond with "the more the merrier" so please dont be afraid to ask. And even if you get a rejection or two it's fine, don't let it discourage you. Some plans are simply not meant to be, and that's totally fine too!

Something else I worked for was reestablishing contact with old highschool friends I'd lost and I missed terribly. I went out of my way to find them again (old phone numbers, old emails, old instagram accounts that hadnt posted since 2019), and I found them!

And most of them really missed me too and were absolutely thrilled I contacted them again, we picked up right where we left off eight years prior. With a lot to catch up to but its genuinely so nice to have them in my life rather than just melancholically thinking about them and wondering if they hated me or anything. Turns out that they had also thought to contact me as well or had tried and lost my phone, or some of them even thought that it was better to leave things as they were to not "stir up shit" so we were all stuck in the same loop of insane thinking without actually confirming it until one of us (me in this case) finally broke the ice (and it took a damn long time too)

The thing is, people are just like you. We all have our own mental nonsense to fight, and we all have our assumptions and propensity to think ourselves into the grave, that's why its so so so so important to communicate things as clearly and as often as possible. Bearing your suffering alone will only make you miserable in the end, and your circle is there to help you

As a last note, I do want to say I have been incredibly lucky, because the friend group I've been adopted into I have met through that one friend from uni that I just HAPPENED to find on the street. I could have not waved him over on the street and just kept walking with my music on and ignored him. I could have said 'no' to his offer to get dinner that day if I'd wanted to be home earlier. I could have never spoken up about liking eurovision and never gotten invited to the hangout where I met my bf. And none of this would have ever happened at all. But that just strengthens my advice of "just say yes and reach out of your comfort zone" because you never know where it's going to lead you!

All this to say:

Communicate clearly with your peers to reduce misunderstandings. More likely than not they'll be in the same boat as you are. (Also extra note. Communication works BOTH WAYS. It needs to come from both parties. It is also a skill you have to nurture and hone!!)

Be kind!! and be loving!! and be yourself unapologetically!!

reach out to people the same way that you'd want to be reached out to. It sucks that sometimes (even often) you have to be the one to do it, but you eventually reap what you sow and people will learn that they can reach out to YOU

People will respond in kind to you being nice to them and a positive energy in their life. Some people will take advantage of it yes, thats just how things are, and its something you have to learn to recognize but you should never let that steel your heart. It is so so so important to remain kind and loving the world needs it so much. We're all out here trying to make our own lives and our loved ones lives a little bit brighter <3

#ask #anon #advice #this is so long and again it is from my perspective but this is what I have done so I am really hoping it helps you #im wishing u the best of luck anon i hope you are able to better your life significantly <3 #please feel free to keep me posted on your progress whenever you make any. be that in a few months or a few years

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sweeethinny · 1 year

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Rollercoaster

I wanted to write a little bit about when Lily noticed that she loved James. a little messy and dramatic, but that's what I do best

James was lying with her on her bed, the two of them looking at the ceiling of her room without saying anything for a few minutes already, Lily liked that silence but also felt a little distressed, almost suffocated, with the need to find a topic, afraid he would get bored and leave, so as she hunted for a subject in the back of her mind - anything, some childhood memory, or a memory that involved him, maybe a gossip - he said:

''Sometimes I feel like I don't understand you.'' That caught Lily off guard, she turned to him and blinked a little in astonishment, her mouth immediately going dry and her hands breaking into a cold sweat already. Was this when he would say he was going to leave? That he couldn't stand being with someone who was as unstable as she was? What would she need to do to get him to stay? Did he want to have sex with her? Lily said she didn't want to do that now but if he wanted to…'’Like, I understand. I just… feel like I don't know… you're so,'” He looked at her, looking speechless.

''Confused?''

''Difficult, but not in a bad way, don't get me wrong.'' He looked up at the ceiling again. ''I feel like I'm blindfolded walking through a minefield trying to save the princess trapped at the end of the maze.''

''I don't need saving.'' Lily said, but deep down, that's what she wanted: she wanted to be saved, to be reassembled, cared for and loved.

''I know,'' James looked at her again, his hazel eyes behind the lenses of his glasses were always slightly larger due to farsightedness, a detail that Lily had always found extremely cute. ''But I want to help you, somehow. It's not necessarily saving you, but it's at least staying by your side for when you need a shoulder to cry on... But it's a hard field.’’

''Sorry.'' Lily swallowed back the urge to cry. She knew she was a difficult person, living in her head was by far the most exhausting activity she had ever undertaken in her entire life these last seventeen years.

''No need to apologise,'' James took her hand, lacing his fingers through hers in a sweet, slow manner, seeming to feel her anxiety seeping through all her pores. ''I've been getting better and better at navigating this maze,''

''You really are,'' she had to admit. She also wanted to admit that James was by far the first person who was trying to walk her minefield, even though several bombs exploded and knocked him back to the start.

''One day at a time.'' He whispered, seeming more for himself than for her. Then he turned around, kissing Lily's forehead with the delicacy of someone who was taking care that the other didn't shatter next to him like a cracked crystal.

It was there that Lily knew that she loved him.

#jily #james x lily #my fic

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grumpycakes · 2 months

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Stayed up late looking through old art because an archive is down. Then stayed up waaay to late trying to find old friends and mutuals and have failed (as usual, many of them the type to nuke their online presence without warning and start up again with a new name)

And I'm sitting here thinking through why I want to find them (close friends I miss deeply, someone who i'd been close with but we had a misunderstanding and I've never fully been able to apologize or explain now that I am in much better mental health, some who I was only a little aware of but am curious about)

And I think, for most if not all, I don't even want to have a connection if they don't. That's fine. I understand. We are adults with lives and other problems. I just want to be able to check in. To see you are around. To see what you're creating, if you are.

I don't have to be part of that. But they were all such large pieces in my journey of growing up. And to never be able to check in makes me sad.

Anyway, expect nostalgia art from my highschool OCs. Cause in trying to find something I re-read a bunch of shit. (And with the lense of NOT SEVERELY DEPRESSED AND BEEN THROUGH MANY YEARS OF THERAPY I'm now like SHITFUCKDAMMIT I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND and tears lol)

#irl shit #mel babbles #mel uses tumblr like a diary #mel is legitimately sad #but just like melancholy sad not sad sad #i miss you #i hope you're okay #i hope you've suceeded #i hope you're loved #I hope you're happy

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brianwashere · 2 years

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Hi, I'm sure you're tired of hearing from me😔 but: Son!reader comes home from school hiding a black eye and a busted lip... or at least he tries. Dad!Matt finds out it was a bully that Son!reader has had problems with for several months now and the teachers have done nothing. Matt tries to talk with the teachers themselves but are like "well we haven't seen anything so we can't do anything" Matt decides to have a "talk" with this bully... in his red suit.

Ok so I didn’t see this request til today and so idk how recent it was but I just want you to know that I don’t get tired of requests! I love hearing other peoples’ ideas!

Pairing: Matt Murdock x son!reader

Genre: fluff(?) it’s family stuff

Summary: go to ask

Tw: blood, indirect threats, violence, bullying

A private affair

It was an average day at school, a good one even. You had aced a quiz you’d been stressing about, you made weekend plans with your friends, and you even considered it the best day of the month. That was until Jordon Dempsey decided to put the “Hell” into “Hell’s Kitchen”.

After saying bye to your friends you had started walking home. Jordon and his stupid goons ambushed you as soon as you turned the corner. So now you have a shining black eye and a fresh busted lip.

You knew the inevitable was going to happen, dad would find out. Then he’d go to the school board, then it’d come out that you were a snitch, then you’d get bullied even more.

Perfect.

You wiped the blood from your lip, furrowed your brow, and kept walking. God, you fucking hated bullies. You crossed the street to your complex.

‘Ok if dad’s home I’ll wipe as much blood off as I can now. Then I’ll make a mad dash to the bathroom and lock myself in there until I patch myself up.’

You pushed the glass door to the complex open and took a deep breath.

So maybe he was over reacting. But how would you feel if your son—your pride and joy—came home with nasty fresh wounds that he was trying to hide? Matt smelled the metallic scent as soon as you opened the door to the apartment complex.

He opened the door right before you grabbed the handle. The smell of blood wafted into his face. Time froze for a few seconds. He heard your heartbeat speed up. Then you tried to book it past him to the bathroom, but he grabbed your waist. You had tried to struggle but considering he was around three times your age and at least twice your size (and Daredevil), he easily overpowered you and carried you to the kitchen. Yes, carried. Despite your kicking and struggling.

Matt sat you down and you knew to stay put. He opened the cabinet and took down the first aid kit. You started formulating your excuse.

‘I was hit with a baseball at school—yeah that’ll work.’

He spoke first.

“So, mind telling me why you’re bleeding from your lip and have a black eye?” He said calmly as he got out disinfecting wipes.

“How do you know about the black eye?“ you mumbled.

You knew the answer. You learned about his hero escapades about a year ago when he stumbled through the fire escape battered and bruised. A woman showed up soon after and fixed him up. She just looked at you with pity.

“I can smell the burst blood vessels.” He replied simply. “Didn’t answer my question.”

“I…got hit with a baseball.” You cursed the wobble in your voice.

“Must be some baseball if it hit your eye and busted your lip. Wanna try again?” Matt hummed and handed you an ice pack.

You put it on your eye and looked up at your dad. He had his ‘I’m disappointed that you’re not telling the truth’ look on.

“…bully.” You mumbled.

Matt stopped his work.

“You have a bully?” He put on a cool facade, but you could tell he was seething. “What’s his name?”

You went quiet for a few seconds.

“Jordon Dempsey.”

Matt sighed.

“Does he do this often?” He asked.

You shrugged.

“He says I’m weak. Maybe he’s right. I couldn’t even fight back.” It was true, you could barely put up a fight against them.

Matt grabbed your shoulders and leveled with your eyes. You stared at his red lenses.

“Listen here. You’re a Murdock. You know what my grandma would say? ‘Stay away from those Murdocks; they got the devil in them.’ You have enough fight to put the fear of God into them. You are a Murdock.” He was serious.

You’ve heard about your grandfather before. The fights he won. How he payed the price just to make Matt proud.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

Matt wasn’t going to let this ‘Jordon Dempsey’ get away with it. He had scheduled a meeting with the principal.

He was told nothing could be done about it. He was shaking with rage. He decided to take matters into his own hands.

The kid was out tonight, hanging out with his friends. He had left them a few minutes ago and started walking home.

Matt jumped down from the roof to the fire escape then in front of the kid. He yelped in surprise.

“Hey, don’t freak out. I’m just an ordinary hero.” Matt said pitting his hands up.

“Y-you’re Daredevil.” Jordon sputtered.

“Yeah kid, I am. Walk with me.”

Jordon followed without a second thought.

“I wanted to talk to you, face to face.” He started.

“What do you wanna talk to me about?” Jordon asked.

“You’ve been pretty cruel to some people. To some people who don’t deserve it. And I just hate a bully.” Matt clenched his fists to reiterate his point.

“You’re not a bully, are you, Jordon?” He asked.

“N-no, Mr. Daredevil sir.” Jordon’s heart rate increased.

“That’s good. Now I suggest getting back home before it gets dangerous out here.” He growled.

The kid ran with speed that would make lightning jealous.

Matt sighed. Ok so maybe this was slight abuse of power, but it’s not like he’d do it again. He just wants his boy to be happy.

‘God, when did I turn into my father?’ Matt asked himself as he headed towards his next fight.

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panicdeleter · 9 months

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the unfortunate experience of having dissociative identity disorder diagnosed young is that I go to a fucking psych hospital tell them I have DID and they just, don't believe me. I had fucking Fuge. Motherfucking fuge. Nowhere online can I even find a description of what fuge looks like during the process other than "bewildered wandering" and these psychs definitely got the abnormal psych class at the local college that I've been told by someone who took the class "doesn't even mention the disorder" so my *absolutely has had dyskinesia like 6 times because my first doctor gave me 5mg of abilify as a 5 year old and wrecked my brain* having ass bitch got put on antipsychotics and because I was also age regressed out the ass, and totally disconnected from reality and deep in some antichrist demon boyfriend fantasy (I have... interesting power fantasies when totally unable to cope that apparently just, took over? like I *was* the maladaptive daydream) yeah I just, I want to go on, I can't I don't have the energy to pop back three stages of disconnected connected thoughts. This is just, how I think. I had a point but the amnesia kicked in and now I'll have to walk back through the thought process to find the idea and pick it back up with a new thread of self. I feel like I'm mostly fragment and not even alter. It's fucking atrocious in here guys. I am sorry for the incoherency. I'm tired of doctors not knowing what this disorder even is while also contradicting themselves by believing they're capable of distinguishing between "true" and "false" did like anyone would honestly pretend to be like this... like BPD and DID... I've met several people diagnosed BPD and like, low and behold after a while of hanging out and just, talking about myself and them BPD, CPTSD, and DID all feel like a spectrum of the same fucking thing. It's the same shit. I have at least one friend who's a diagnosed autistic narcisist and she's *also* dealing with the same underlying shit. Like it's all fucking trauma. I'm fucking pissed about how little information there is about DID vs Schizophrenia and how people don't have enough training to recognize did.... which doesn't respond to medications and shouldn't be medicated in the first place... and it takes 5-12 years on average to get diagnosed. That's 5-12 years of intense psychiatric drugs. 5-12 years of being a fucking hostage to a system that isn't educated about you, being passed from psych to psych as they slowly realize they don't know what's wrong with you, from therapist to therapist as they say they *aren't qualified to help*, direct quote from a therapist of mine. I have no idea how to emphasize on top of this how exausting this all is. How much each intake appointment means ripping into your history of trauma and telling them your entire backstory as much as you can. Every bubble sheet filling how much you struggle. Every psych eval... after psych eval after psych eval. I must have had at least 20. I'm tired. This is a major injustice no one gives a shit about. It won't improve, because unlike autism we don't have marketable devices, unlike schizophrenia we don't seem scary or dangerous, unlike chronic illness we can't be scienced in imperical ways, we can't be examined through the lenses of biopsy and genetic testing... what little research is even out there is mostly about detecting "fakers"... when a commonly known symptom of did is dissociating about your dissociation. I want help. I really, truly want help. There just *isn't help*.

#disability #plural #dissociative identity disorder #disability rights #I wish I had access to a dissociative identity disorder friend group #but like the plural tag is 90% syscourse #fuck it it's going on this post anyway #traumagenic #fuge

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bayoblr · 1 year

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I was inspired by @luaminesce 's venting post on the Bayo3 ending to speak out about my personal feelings on the matter.

That ending was awful to me on many, many levels, but I'll be focusing on a specific one. As I've mentioned before, Bayonetta was THE most important character for my self-esteem as a woman who wears glasses since childhood.

I have "mid to severe" miopia and been dependant on specs for most of my life. Nowadays, thanks to the growing use of smartphones and increasing blue light exposure, there are more miopic people than 15+ years ago, so I'm aware that the following paragraphs may sound "dramatic" to a certain audience.

I'm a late millennial who grew up surrounded by romcoms that condoned the use of glasses. Wearing glasses are ugly; being miopic is unfashionable; you should be completely unaware of your surroundings so the hot guy can notice you and find out that you're actually attractive. When I got my first specs, I received notes at school with very hurtful doodles of what I supposedly looked like with a pair of glasses. People would actually bully you for being "four eyed" back in the day. They would take your glasses from your face, put them on their own and joke about how awful your eyesight is, call you names, brag about how they're much more attractive than you, make you tell how many numbers there are on their fingers from a distance when they catch you without your lenses.

Back in the day, I've never had a character who looked like me, and could relate to. Women in glasses are either "the ugly nerd", "the unfashionable poor soul" or "the hidden beauty", and if you're a latina like me, you were probably drowned in the many versions of "Betty la fea" (AKA "Ugly Betty"). If I gained a dollar each time someone told me how much better I look without my glasses, I'd right now be at my own yacht in the Bahamas.

Been single for a while and can't find a date? "Try not wearing your glasses, they make you unattractive" (I'm NOT joking, people have ACTUALLY told me that). Heck, even my ex-mother-in-law complained about my glasses and tried to convince me to go through a surgery (and this is your friendly reminder that refraction error surgeries only work temporarily).

Then I found about Bayonetta. She looked like me and wasn't a complete failure of a woman – on the contrary. She's sexy, she's attractive, she's sexual, she's a fashionista, she's THE woman. And her bad eyesight is just there. They don't try to revolve her personality around it. It's just an iconic, natural and very much welcoming trait of who she is and how she looks.

Until...

I was already too shocked seeing the direction they were going with the ending. But watching Bayonetta taking off her glasses in order to be kissed by Luka felt like a punch in the stomach. I immediately began to cry.

What does that even mean? Why couldn't she just stay with her glasses on? Did she need to do it so she could look good enough to be worth of love? Maybe it wasn't the writers' true intention, but I couldn't help feeling that bitter taste in my tongue.

Just because refraction errors are being more and more common, it doesn't mean that the bullying doesn't exist anymore. People (specially women) with eyesight disorders are still being portrayed in a ridicule way in media everywhere (I'd say Harry Potter is the only popular character with glasses that isn't ridicule, but look how that franchise is fucked up now). Children with glasses are still being targeted by bullies everywhere. People with severe conditions, hemianopia (half-blindness) and higher prescriptions are still being made fun of because of how their glasses look and how "comical" they are for being like that. I think most don't realize how people with glasses are treated in a dehumanizing way sometimes.

Bayonetta was (and is) my ultimate comfort character in many ways, but specially that. It was the first time I felt actually seen and represented. So yeah, I was extremely hurt not only by the total erasure of her relationship with Jeanne and "de-empowerment" of her character (I'LL CATCH UP ON THAT LATER), but also by how they completely destroyed my favorite thing about her in a matter of a second.

With love,

Your favorite miopic Bayonetta blogger.

#wow that was long #bayonetta #nintendo #platinum games #cereza #hideki kamiya #bayonetta 3 #long post #personal

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rogalion · 11 months

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I absolutely love your weather rants from a fellow trans guy who's now got a special interest in meteorology. Apparently. Ahhh!!!

(THE FACT THAT IF YOU CAN SEE THE TOP OF AN ANVIL CLOUD FLATTENING MEANS YOU CAN SEE THE FUCKING TROPOPAUSE MAKES IS SO FUCKING COOL AND JUST ALFJDIDJSIDJD).

(also the lack of standardizations on soundings is kIlling me too as a self taught meteorology nerd. I would like to know For Sure if I'm looking at the saturated or dry adiabat!!!!! Ahhh!!!

Also. Plotting hodographs. *what the fuck. Why is the compass the way it is. It's UPSIDE FUCKING DOWN???* I assume there is a reason for the meteorology compass and the hodograph compass to be different but *why????*

I love the nws I do truly I would love to work for them/the NOAA and they provide basically how to read their soundings too but there's like. 2 things I'm Not 100% sure on and it's driving me mad.)

Also I'd love to see how you get from raw to tabular data to the sounding if you want, I'm honestly curious.

Also. Do you also want to launch or find a radiosonde or is that just me. I really want to launch one.

this has made my fucking week istg omg omg

So another fun fact about anvil clouds and that they flatten out when they hit the tropopause because that's the no weather allowed zone is that there's something called an overshooting top where basically you get a bubble of a cloud that goes above the anvil and into the tropopause and you get that when the updraft is strong enough that it forces the clouds over the tropopause! You can see this on a skew-T because the dew point line will stay close to the temperature line through the tropopause.

I don't know a lot about hodographs just yet it's not something I've been taught much about just yet (for example I didn't know the directions are upside down from a conventional compass) but I'm sure I'll post a rant about it when I learn more LMAO.

So working for the NWS requires a few things and that's a career path I'm looking into but I've also just finished my first year in my meteorology program so we'll see what happens.

As for launching radiosondes-- I've launched several, actually!

I'm the guy with the shades (they're my normal glasses it's just sunny and I have transition lenses) and here I'm holding the balloon before we launch it.

I go to a school with a strong meteorology program in New Hampshire called Plymouth State University, and we get a LOT of chances to talk to people from the NWS and the private sector as well as learn and use very practical skills such as launching radiosondes, graphing skew-Ts by hand, and so on.

I think I've launched at least five radiosondes at this point and I'll quickly lose count in the future. But if Meteorology is a career you're interested in going for, it will in all likelihood involve seeking out a bachelor's degree at minimum which all this boils down to, hey, join us :) there are at least three trans people in my program!

for soundings also, the raw data is collected through graw's program and graphed automatically on the computer. We just have to set up the radiosonde and antenna beforehand-- it's a whole process and I'd love to explain it more in another post I think but it's pretty bland tbh haha

also for saturated vs dry adiabats: the saturated ones are weird and curvy and the dry ones are nearly straight so they're actually pretty easy to tell apart once you know, but knowing is the hard part with skew-ts for sure.

Thank you so much for this ask I'm SO HAPPY to hear you enjoy them fr fr

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loganofthenorth · 2 years

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6, 15

I'll start with 15, cause six is several stories

15: What's your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community: My favourite thing is that because LGBTQIA relationships don't fit the problematic rules that straight relationships tend to follow, the community has taken those rules, tossed them away, and made completely new ones.

Back when I thought I was straight, I didn't want to be in a relationship because everything that seemed 'good' about a straight relationship I was told wasn't realistic and therefore relationships seemed to be more stress than they are worth. Now, thanks to the LGBTQ+ community, I know that relationships are about communication and mutual trust and respect, not just sex and worrying about being cheated on. I know that they're about two or more people working together to help each other get through life, to help each other feel comforted and safe and loved in whatever way feels right to them. Now I see the beauty in love instead of all the drama and stress, and it gives me hope that if I ever get the opportunity, I can give love a chance again.

Now for 6: 'What made you realize the current labels that fit you'

Okay, so, my parents have always been allies to the community. My mother is unlabelled but has been with guys and girls alike, and my father has bi wife energy. I should show him that song some time he'd probably love it. Anywho, my parents always raised me to believe in my own beliefs rather than teaching me theirs. Though somehow all the times they tried to explain LGBTQ+ things to me, it went right over my head. I don't know how or why, but I didn't know that it was a possibility for guys to like guys and girls to like girls until I heard 'she keeps me warm' on the radio and I asked Mom who the 'she' was, and Mom explained that it was the singer's girlfriend. The singer was a girl, so I had many questions.

I always assumed a guy sang 'I kiss the girl and I liked it'

Tbh sometimes I look back at my childhood and how obvious it was that girls liking girls and guys liking guys was a thing, it makes me wonder if I was being oblivious on purpose. Then again, I mainly learned how the world worked from tv, so since it didn't fit what tv was telling me, I guess I tuned it out or explained it with those rules.

Cause I'm Autistic, so I make rules that I think the world follows and then I perceive everything within those rules. Then when I learn the rules are wrong, I have to tear them down and rebuild them.

What's funny is that I became an active member of the LGBTQ+ community by accident. By then I knew it existed but I only knew what Gay and Lesbian meant until my Mom had a friend that was trans then I knew what trans was. I didn't know that there was a whole thing about LGBTQ+ rights, the only civil rights battles I knew about were the POC ones (which I thought at the time that those were settled a long time ago and racism was declared to be wrong. Sadly, that was my own light skinned ignorance. But that's another thing.) and the Autistic one that I thought I invented because I was in a segregated program.

That's another thing, due to being Autistic, I spent most of my childhood being isolated from the world. I was in six person classrooms, didn't get a full education, and at home my family was extremely introverted while I was extroverted so I initiated a good majority of interactions with my family. So I was very much living under a rock, looking at the world through a very limited lense.

So anyways, I followed a page on Facebook that I thought was for Autism. Because Mom told me that rainbow was a better colour for Autism than blue and the page was just called 'Equality House.' So I followed it, and after that, I started learning all about LGBTQ+. Then it became a special interest. And that, my friends, is how I began identifying as a 'Straight Ally'

So this is all after my childhood best friend went to High School, and I was a grade younger so I had to spend that year alone. Then I proceeded to change schools because I realized I was never going to be able to get out of the program I was in because they were getting more funding for me to be in there.

So I changed schools, continued learning about the LGBTQ community, learnt more about it from people in the Drama Club I was in (which, I made them feel really uncomfortable because of my ignorance on it 😅 I wish that someone could have identified me as a baby gay that thought she was straight but I understand why I was just a bad straight ally to them.) and eventually I start to think more about it.

See, the reason I thought I was straight, was because I never had a crush on a girl, I only had crushes on guys. However, my crushes on guys were always weird. It was very hard for me to understand why guys were attractive, especially when my really amazing and pretty friends were attracted to absolute trash bags of boys. Though when a guy followed the rules of what tv said was attractive, and when I saw the potential for a live story, I was able to convince myself to have a crush.

(Writing this is making me question if I'm a lesbian again *sighs* but anyways)

So obviously, if girls liking girls didn't appear often on tv, that algorithm I made in my brain for trying to find opportunities for true love at twelve-fifteen years old wouldn't fit it.

And there were a couple of times that I managed to get a boyfriend, but the 'feelings' I had for them would be gone in two days and suddenly I'd feel really uncomfortable.

...

Y'all might be reading me realizing I'm a lesbian but anyways

So I was questioning if I was Bi because guess what? Tv started including girls liking girls! And I was really really hyped about that, like, I saw myself in those relationships way more than the straight people ones.

So I started questioning if I was bi

But I couldn't be Bi cause I never had a crush on a girl, and I didn't want to invade a community that didn't belong to me if I was wrong

Then one day, when I was feeling particularly lonely due to a lack of friends at my new school and a lot of defence mechanisms from ✨trauma✨ I got a homesick kind of feeling and started looking at the face book accounts of my old friends

I got to my best friend's account, and I just couldn't stop thinking about how beautiful she was

Then I started to reflect on my friendship with her, how I always wanted more from our friendship but thought I was just being clingy, how I let her go because I knew I was never going to get whatever it was I wanted from her, how I thought she was the kindest most amazing person in the world. I thought about the time I literally told her that if I were a guy I'd date her, and thought about how confused I was that she found it so hard to get a boyfriend.

I thought I wanted to be her, but I didn't.

I had feelings for her

So I started identifying as Bi

But after that, I still continued to question my sexuality. Because I still had that mindset of: "Oh well I had crushes on guys" and sometimes I do genuinely think guys are attractive. Sometimes sexual attraction just doesn't come to me for either gender, sometimes it does. Same with romantic attraction, it just seems to turn on and off. So I said on Tumblr that I'm probably sexuality fluid if there's a term for that, and then I was informed that abrosexual is a thing. Now I identify as that.

Though again this post is definitely starting to sound like a Lesbian origin story

I guess I've always had this mindset that lesbians always just knew they were gay. Like if you weren't identifying as Lesbian you were closeted, which meant you knew but weren't telling anyone. So since I thought all lesbians just knew for absolute certainty that they were lesbian, I was afraid I'd be intruding if I identified as one.

I did try the lesbian label for a bit but switched back to bi, I'm really not sure which label I feel more comfortable with. I'm not sure what causes me now to hesitate with the lesbian label.

It also doesn't help that I have yet to be in a relationship with a girl. Like I've had several crushes on girls since I realized I was Bi, crushes that felt way more genuine and far less forced and anxiety inducing than my crushes on guys. Problem there is finding out if the girl is lgbtq+ before you even begin the process of does she like me back. I've also been attracted to non binary people as well, since I've been interacting with them a lot more. But until I actually date a girl, I guess I won't really know if I'm lesbian or if I just feel that anxiety with dating in general, in which case I guess I'd be aromantic? Though I love romance, and get flustered by it, but I've only been able to really experience it through role playing or fiction. So it's hard to tell.

Anywho, that's my story with sexuality, now time for gender.

I'm a lot more satisfied with my current gender identity, though sometimes I wonder if I'm non binary, but I don't feel gender dysphoria so I don't know. I identify as a Demi girl because of a Tik Tok that described being a Demi girl as 'being a girl in the same way a dandelion is a weed.' She explained it and the whole thing really resonated with me, and I'm the most comfortable with She/They pronouns.

Like I feel really comfortable being feminine but I also feel comfortable being masculine or both or neither. I never really felt much attachment to being female, but I've never felt repulsed by it or anything like that either. I like being female, even though I don't fit the image I think of when I say 'woman'.

Another thing I heard on Tik Tok is: My gender is what you get when you order 'girl' from wish. Because, yeah, it's girl, but there's something off about it.

So yeah, that's my story with gender and sexuality, a story that's probably still going and will probably only end if I find a relationship I feel happy in or if I die so we'll see what happens first I guess 😅

#questioning #thanks for the ask!#lgbtqia+#autistic experiences #demigirl #abrosexual #bisexaul #lesbian

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somanyfuckedupiftruebooks · 2 years

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JonMartin Week 2022

Day 7: Forehead Kisses/Growing Old Together

Read it on AO3 here!

It starts so slowly that Jon doesn't notice anything different at first. He gets headaches more often than normal, and he's generally more tired and irritable than he would usually expect to be by the end of the day. It's not until Martin asks him why he's been 'frowning at everything lately' that he realises he should probably make an appointment with his doctor.

She listens to him describe his symptoms, shines a light in his eyes and asks him to read a poster she has hanging on the opposite wall. When Jon admits that he can't read it from here, she nods.

'I'll write you a referral to an optometrist,' she says. 'It seems like your eyesight has started to deteriorate.'

'I'm going blind?' Jon asks, very alarmed.

'Oh no, not at all!' The doctor is quick to reassure him. 'This is just the normal amount of deterioration I would expect to see in someone of your age. You're probably going to need to wear glasses from now on.'

And with her words, a kind of numb shock settles over Jon.

The numbness hasn't faded by the time he makes it out to the waiting room. Martin looks a little concerned as Jon hands him the referral and asks Martin to drive him to an optometrist. But he has been with Jon long enough to be able to tell the difference between the times when Jon needs to be left alone with his thoughts for a while, and the times when he must not be left alone with his thoughts at any cost. The drive is silent, but it is the warm silence of people who know and love each other very deeply.

At the optometrist, Jon tries very hard to hold it together through the ordeal of the eye test. He manages not to scream as he is asked repeatedly to look at the same thing through different lenses and decide if it is blurry or clear.

By the time he has to pick a pair of frames, Jon has reached the end of his tether. The shop assistant is nothing but cheery and helpful as she asks Jon lots of questions about his preferences for colours, shapes and materials. It is all too much for Jon to process. If it weren't for the grounding effect of Martin's solid presence beside him, Jon would have absolutely snapped by now.

Old habits, and all that.

As it is, he manages to tolerate trying on a few pairs of frames before he just can't take it anymore. He grabs a random pair of frames from the display in front of him and shoves them into the shop assistant’s hands.

‘These will be fine,’ he says. ‘Martin, I’ll wait in the car.’

Then he runs out of the store.

At home, Jon goes straight to the couch and curls up there. He buries his fingers in the Earl Grey's soft fur and calms himself by stroking the steadily purring cat for several minutes.

Before long, Martin is beside him, pressing a hot mug of tea into his hands. It's one of Martin's personal blends, a soothing herbal mix he had customised for Jon as a gift on one of their anniversaries. It's Jon's favourite.

'Are you ready to talk now, love, or are you still processing?' Martin asks.

Jon takes a deep breath, feeling (as he so often does) thoroughly overcome by how much he loves Martin; his husband, his anchor, his whole world. Jon reminds himself that nothing is too much for him to deal with when he’s here in their home, with Martin beside him.

'I just, this… it's made me realise…' Jon hears his voice crack as he starts trying to explain, and before he knows what’s happening he has burst into tears.

'Oh love…'

Martin quickly takes the mug of tea from Jon's hands and sets it down somewhere. The next thing Jon knows Martin is scooping him up, pulling him into his lap and cradling him against his chest. It has become harder over the years for Martin to pick up Jon and carry him around. A lifetime's worth of steady meals and actual sleep have filled out Jon's once skeletal frame, but Martin can still manage it and Jon is very glad of that. Being held by his husband like this never fails to make Jon feel safe.

He buries his face in Martin's sweater and lets Martin wrap his arms around him and murmur soothing things into his hair.

'Are you scared? Of losing your vision?' Martin asks, when Jon has calmed down enough to be able to speak again.

'No, that's not it,' Jon says quietly. 'There was a time when I was willing to blind myself, remember?'

'Yes, and run away with me.' Martin smiles at the memory. 'You're an incurable romantic.'

'I'm actually… relieved,' Jon admits. 'It's just… when the doctor said my vision was fading, I had this moment of clarity, this realisation… it's not coming back. The Eye. It's really gone. All of them... they're not here, or if they are, they're too weak to reach us.'

'Oh. Oh Jon, of course, come here.' Martin tightens the hug, pressing a firm kiss against Jon's forehead. 'It's okay, we're safe.'

'We really are,' Jon agrees. 'We're safe. I've tried to think that for a long time but it's just… it never felt real until… I'm sorry, I know we agreed not to talk about this…'

That had been Martin's suggestion. The first few years after they had arrived here, they had both been consumed by searching for any sign of the Entities. Those had been hard times. Fear of the Entities had permeated everything they had done as they began the slow, difficult work of processing all of their hurt and trauma, everything that had happened to them and between them, the things they had done and the ways they had hurt each other in the Panopticon. It had taken a long time to work through it all and start moving forward towards building a life together. Convincing themselves and each other that they could be okay here, they could be together, they could be happy. As the years passed, they had started living the lives that they hadn't believed they'd ever be allowed to have. They got jobs they didn't hate and weren't trapped by. They made friends that didn't resent them. Adopted a cat and gave it a silly name. Got married. Got a house, and lived there with each other. Started writing poetry again. Stopped being afraid. Breathed.

Always in the background there had been the knowledge that if they had arrived here, had found this world to be a suitable habitat in which to grow and flourish, so too might the Entities.

As the years rolled forward into decades, their search for any sign of the terrors that had dominated their lives for so long had faded, but never truly disappeared. There was always a part of them that had been on alert, waiting for the other shoe to drop… Until just a few days before their 20th wedding anniversary, Martin had sat Jon down and asked him to stop looking.

'I can't keep doing this,' he'd said. 'I don't want to spend the rest of our lives scared that everything we have is temporary.'

And Jon had agreed of course, both because he wanted that too and also because he would do anything to make Martin happy. He loved Martin enough to doom an infinite multiverse rather than lose him. So he certainly loved him enough to ignore the fact that everything they had with each other existed somewhere within that doomed multiverse.

But as much as he tried, Jon never really believed they would ever be allowed to just… rest.

'I didn't mean that we couldn't talk about it,' Martin was saying now. 'I was just sick of living under that constant shadow of dread. I wanted to make the purposeful choice to try and let it go, and see if that would work. You know, fake it till you make it and all that.'

'You were faking it?' Jon asks, surprised.

'At first, sure.' Martin shrugs. 'I actually, sort of think I know what you're going through right now? For me, it was this.' Martin raises a hand and runs it through his curly hair. The Lonely had streaked Martin's hair with white when they were both young men, but a few years ago age had finished the job, fading out all of the remaining red and leaving it entirely white. 'When I could look at myself in the mirror and not have the first thing I saw be the mark the Lonely left on me, I just… it finally started to sink in, you know? The idea that we might actually be free of them.'

'I know,' Jon says. 'It's taken me a little longer, I guess, but I think I finally feel the same.'

Jon looks at Martin, taking in the white hair, the wrinkles, all the signs of the years they have spent together. He feels like he is seeing them all for the first time. Finally, his focus shifts towards the round metal frames of Martin's glasses, a detail he has noted thousands of times before but which has suddenly gained a new level of relevance to Jon.

'What frames did I pick out?' Jon asks suddenly.

'Oh, the ones you picked out?' Martin grins, his voice taking on a distinctly mocking tone that didn't exactly fill Jon with confidence. 'You don't remember?'

'No,' Jon says warily. 'I was distracted, I wasn't paying attention.'

'Oh trust me, I could tell,' Martin says. 'You picked the most obscenely loud frames in the entire store. They were thick fluorescent orange plastic. And I mean fluorescent. Like, the kind of orange that only ever existed in Helen’s corridors.'

'Oh good lord,' Jon says, burying his face in Martin's chest again.

Martin cackles. 'That's not even the best part. The arms were covered with rhinestones. Rhinestones, Jon.'

Jon just groans. 'I didn't even look at them.'

'I know. You were so agitated, I think you literally just grabbed the most eye-catching thing in front of you.'

'Maybe I can call the store…?'

'Oh please, do you think I just watched that happen and did nothing?' Martin says fondly. 'What do you take me for? I'm not going to let my husband walk around looking like some kind of fruity Groucho Marx. As soon as you handed those over to the sales girl, I took them back off her and told her I would be putting them in a furnace before I let you put them anywhere near your face.'

The relief Jon feels at that is so strong as to be almost physical. 'Thank god I have you, Martin,' he says. 'How did I ever function without you?'

'You didn't,' Martin says, the obvious adoration in his voice taking any possible sting out of the words. 'I picked out nice glasses for you. Frameless, with square lenses. They were the lightest pair in the store because I wanted you to have a chance to adjust to having something touching your face all the time.'

'I love you so much.'

'Of course,' Martin agrees. 'I love you too.'

They've lived a lifetime together already, but Jon thinks it will be very nice to live the rest of it with the certainty that the greatest fear he will ever have to deal with is picking out bad glasses, and even the mild and everyday horror of that would be tempered by the fact that Martin was with him always, making everything better.

@jonmartinweek

#jonmartinweek 2022 #tma #the magnus archives #magpod #magnus pod #my fic #my posts #jmart #jonmartin #teaholding #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #post mag 200 #somewhere else #tma s5 #the earl grey ᓚᘏᗢ #the archivist needs a hug #and he gets one #they deserve a soft epilogue

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princessofcurses · 3 years

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[2] Struggling Sweetly

Part 1

Pairing: Ryomen Sukuna x Fem!Reader & Gojo Satoru x Fem!Reader Preface: Part 2. You’re devastated after your darling has cheated on you but an old friend has come to cheer you up. Unfortunately, it's never that easy. content warning: out of character, college AU, infidelity, alcohol, angst, sexy time, size kink, cigarette smoking, toxic relationships, blood, depression Word Count: 6.2k If you like it, please leave a like and/or reblog ♡

The next morning, you woke up with your cheek still squished to Satoru's chest and your leg draped over him. He was asleep and lightly snoring. You marveled at him: his soft and fair skin, his silky and messy hair, and oh god his toned body. The way you felt looking at him right now reminded you of the first time you met him and were captivated by him. It was your first year at Jujutsu High and Satoru was a third year. He was assigned to be your mentor and look out for you, the main reason being that the higher-ups had an eye on you, suspicious of your inexplicable strength. You were meeting in the courtyard and your impression as he walked towards you was that he was a giant; he's well over six feet! As you came to face each other, he had to look down to make eye contact with you which made you pout.

"Wow, Y/N! You're like a foot shorter than me."

The choppy laugh he let out annoyed you a bit and you stood there, staring at him in silence.

"Gojo Satoru. I'll be your mentor and guardian from now on!"

He reached out his hand for you to shake. You took his in yours and firmly gripped it, feeling his calluses and thinking this man works hard. His thumb lightly rubbed over the back of your hand and you quickly retracted yours, putting it back to your side, feeling a bit flustered.

"Gojo-san-"

"Call me Senpai."

You rolled your eyes, adding to your unamused expression while he snickered. You called him by the honorific with a bit of a hiss.

"Senpai, I don't need a guardian. I can take care of myself."

He shook his head and leaned forward to be at eye-level with you, putting his hands on your shoulders. A small vein on your forehead popped out from your irritation because of his patronizing behavior but then you caught a glimpse of his eyes above his pitch-black lenses. You had already known of the Six Eyes but they were even more beautiful and intense in person. They held the sparkling ocean, or maybe it's the sky, and thin clouds passed through them. You turned to ice, feeling mesmerized by him and his presence.

"I'm sure you can but it isn't just cursed spirits you need to be wary of. There are sorcerers that don't have good intentions for you too."

Noticing that you were in a bit of a daze, assumedly from his presence, he chuckled and put his arm around you and began walking.

"Well, don't worry. I'll be the best mentor and guardian. Ora. I'll show you around the campus."

That marked the beginning of a crush that lasted 4 1/2 years. It would've been 5 and maybe longer, but six months ago when you started your second year in college and Satoru started his fourth and last year, you met Sukuna who was in his last year as well.

Your reminiscing was cut short when Satoru began to stir, transitioning from dreaming to awakening. A groggy and throaty noise escaped from his mouth when he outstretched his arms and legs. Slowly opening his empyrean eyes, you perked up when his met yours. He smiled and spoke with a deep and sleepy voice that you found erotic.

"Hm? Have you been waiting for me to wake up?"

"No, no. I woke up not too long ago."

You stammered, not wanting him to know you spent the last several minutes ogling him in his sleep. You both sat up and Satoru began looking for his phone.

"What time is it?"

You unlocked your phone and held it up to his face so he could see the time.

"SHIT! 9 AM!? I was supposed to be in Osaka at 8 for a mission. Yaga's going to kill me."

Satoru hopped out of bed and frantically looked for his clothes, tearing the sheets up and looking under the bed. He found them and hurriedly put them on. You spotted his phone on the floor and picked it up to hand it to him.

"What's the mission?"

"Exorcising curses responsible for the many incomplete domains and missing people in the area."

"Sounds like fun! Can I come?"

"Sorry, sweets. I have to go alone since it's a field assignment for class. I'll be back in a few days. Wait for me?"

He gave you a peck on the cheek and patted the top of your head. You looked puzzled, pondering what he meant by 'wait for me' but before you got the chance to ask or even say goodbye, he had warped away.

Does he want me to wait in my room until he gets back? No, that can't be it. Ugh. I don't get it.

You went back under the covers and stared at the ceiling, sighing as you began to feel lonely. You opened up your contacts list on your phone and scrolled through the names, wondering who you should hit up to hang out with. You winced as you slowly passed by Sukuna's name; you pressed on his contact and was about to hit BLOCK but then an incoming call with his name on it took over your screen. The screen became blurry and your heart began to beat against your chest. Not knowing what to do, you waited there until the call went to voicemail but a few seconds after the ringing had stopped, he was calling again.

Don't answer it. There's nothing important he has to say to you.

Your hand holding your phone was shaking and you gave yourself a pep talk to be strong but you'd be lying if you said you didn't want to talk to him. If you answered, you hoped he would grovel at your feet and beg you for your forgiveness. But then what would you do? What would you want to happen afterward? You rid your head of the hypothetical situation and blocked his number after his second call went to voicemail. He had left one this time.

"Y/N, I know you don't want to talk to me or see me but I'm begging you, please give me a chance to explain. If you're truly done with me, can't we at least talk so I can get closure? Call me back. I love you."

Your heart skipped a beat when you heard him say he loves you. He had only said it a handful of times when you were still together. You tossed your phone to the other side of the room and brought the covers over your face.

“You love me, but you cheated on me? Why do you need closure, you idiot?”

You huffed in annoyance but then tears were escaping from the corners of your eyes. You grabbed the pillow Satoru used and buried your face in it, holding it to your chest tightly. His lingering scent made you feel a little better but you still sobbed into the pillow until you fell asleep.

The next week, after doing nothing except sleeping and sulking, you decided to go out to the club tonight for a few drinks and music so loud you wouldn't be able to hear your thoughts. You didn't have club attire so you pulled up in black cargo pants, a black tube top, and black platform boots and luckily, it barely made the dress code and the bouncer let you in. As soon as you stepped inside, you felt the stale air from all of the people crowded together. You squished in between some and pushed your way through others to get to the bar. Once you finally made it, you took a seat and ordered a strawberry margarita. Every so often, someone took a seat beside you to try and talk to you but you rebuffed each one with just a wave of your hand without even giving them a glance.

Three margaritas later and you were feeling tipsy, thinking now is a good time for a cigarette. Stepping out of the stuffy club into fresh air, you pulled out a fresh pack and checked your purse and all of your pockets for a lighter, sighing when you didn't have one. You timidly began to ask the people around you but were out of luck because they either didn't have one or they wanted something in return for it. Unsuccessful in your pursuit, you took a seat at one of the tables with your unlit cigarette between your lips. You sighed, your elbow on the table and your hand supporting your head up, using your other one to scroll through your phone.

"Do you need a light?"

You stiffened knowing whose voice it was and you slowly turned your head up to see Sukuna standing before you, a smile with a hint of mal intent on his face. Shaken up and unsure of what to say, he used the pause to take a seat in front of you and he pulled out a lighter. You leaned in and your eyes locked onto each other’s as he lit your cigarette. Seeing your doe eyes ignited something in him and you saw a mischievous glint in his. Feeling uneasy, you closed your eyes and took a deep drag.

So unlucky.

"You're the last person I thought I'd see at the club. And alone too?"

"I was bored and needed to get out of my apartment. That's all."

"You look beautiful tonight."

Caught off guard by his compliment, you bit your lip to keep yourself from smiling, reminding yourself why you two aren't together anymore in the first place. His hand moved towards your face and you flinched a bit, but he gently brushed some strands of your hair behind your ear. You looked down feeling disconcerted, his slight touch sending a chill through you. You inhaled deeply, taking another drag and beginning to feel lightheaded from the alcohol you drank earlier even more.

"Thanks."

That was all you were able to mutter out. You felt awkward and didn't want to say anything at all. The feeling was intensified when Sukuna put his knee between your legs, rubbing it against your thigh. He loved teasing you in public places. He held his hand out over the table for you to grab. You apprehensively took it and he brought your hand close to his face and kissed the back of it. He then set your hand on the table, putting his over yours. You stared at him as blush formed across your cheeks, overwhelmed by his presence. He smirked at your docility.

"You haven't been answering my calls or texts. Did you block me?"

You quietly answered.

"I did."

He shook his head in dissatisfaction.

"That's mean, princess. You don't know how much I've missed you."

He moved his knee farther in between your legs so it was lightly brushing against your cunt. He hummed in amusement when he felt your warmth, the desire in his eyes tempting you. You focused on keeping your cool but you were slowly losing your inhibitions. You hadn't seen him in a couple of weeks and for a little while, you forgot what he looked like. But even in the dim light, you could see his features perfectly: his pink hair and undercut that you loved ruffling, his tattoos that you would trace over with your fingertips, his build under your small hands, and his aura that hypnotizes you. He cheated on you but that doesn't mean a hook-up was out of the question, right? You took a drag and puffed the smoke out, deciding to shift away from him and your rash ideas. You were brought back from your thoughts when a woman approached you two.

"Hi, baby!"

You tensed up hearing the woman speaking sweetly to Sukuna. She wore a white off-the-shoulder dress and looked elegant, contrasting the full-on black streetwear you had on. Feeling a tad jealous, you wondered if she was more his type than you were. They exchanged a kiss and you turned your head discreetly and cringed. You had a look of disappointment on your face that changed to a more friendly expression when she greeted you. Sukuna introduced you to each other but your cloudy thoughts didn’t let you catch her name. You tried your best to wear a polite smile though you really wanted to scream in anger or cry in dejection.

"You go ahead inside. I'll be there in a little bit."

He gave her a kiss on the cheek and then she scurried away, waving goodbye to the both of you. Sukuna then slowly turned to face you and you squinted at him with disgust. Before he got the chance to speak, you stood up to leave.

"I have to go."

"Wait, Y/N. She's no one."

Your thoughts were in a flurry, wondering how he could even say that after they had just kissed in front of you. Feeling disrespected, you scoffed at his absurd statement.

"Looks like I'm interrupting something. You don't have to lie to me anymore. We're done, remember?"

"You're the love of my life, Y/N. I'm only hanging out with her because I'm lonely and I don't have you around."

Tired of his nonsense, you took one last, long drag, finishing the cigarette and blowing the smoke in his face. You dropped the stoge to the floor, extinguishing the flame by rubbing it into the ground with your foot. Your face was hot with fury and intensity lined your voice.

"You missed me so you started seeing someone else? Do you hear how ridiculous you sound? I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to see you. I don't want anything to do with you. Okay? You cheated on me. You hurt me. You replaced me. We're finished."

You made a sound of disgust and turned your back to him, beginning to walk away. But he stood up after you and roughly caught your wrist, pulling you to his Herculean chest. The smell of his cologne was intoxicating and the warmth he radiated made you want to close the distance between you two but you reminded yourself he was already here with someone. Regardless of what he feels, his actions say something entirely different. You wanted to push him away but he spoke with a harsh tone that stopped you in your tracks.

"No, princess. Don't you know how much that hurts me?"

Sukuna looked down on you, scrutinizing you. He didn't want to get aggressive but he had lost his patience and he hated not getting his way. His dark stare brought a bit of fear to your eyes but you were enticed as well. The energy around him exuded sinful intentions and though your fight or flight response triggered, it exhilarated you more than anything. He leaned over to whisper in your ear, his voice deep and breathy.

"It's cute how defiant you're being but I think what you really want is to be taken for it in the back of my car right now."

His crass words were provoking you into submission. He leaned back and took hold of your chin between his thumb and index finger, tilting your head towards him and wearing a malevolent grin for you. His demeanor made you feel small and he knew it aroused you. He lightly pressed his lips against yours and hummed in contentment as you didn’t resist.

"I missed my little girl."

Stunned by the dominating air around him, you didn't kiss him back but you mindlessly followed him as he led you out of the patio area and to his car, his grip on your wrist still rough.

"Let's make up for lost time."

As you neared the vehicle, your thoughts began to flood. You knew this was a bad idea; your soul willed to reject him but your flesh was weak. You hadn't stopped missing Sukuna since you broke up and you wanted him so badly in this moment. You tried to justify it by telling yourself this was the last time for old time's sake and then you would really be finished with him. Your contemplation then transitioned to a vision of his date and you began to feel guilty, wondering how she would feel if she knew how low Sukuna could get. You almost brushed the thought off thinking Sukuna was yours in the first place but once he was about to open the door for you, Satoru's voice echoed in your head.

"Wait for me?"

Awakening from your stupor, you gasped and snatched your wrist back from Sukuna, Satoru's words finally making sense. You were dismayed at yourself as you almost traded your dignity for a little fling. You exhaled deeply and covered your face, tears collecting in your eyes. Ignoring the heartache in your chest, you steeled your resolve.

"I can't do this. If you really love me, you'd want what's best for me. And you're just not that. Not anymore."

His domineering presence disappeared and a bit of desperation was laced in his voice as he realized that you were no longer under his spell.

"Princess, please. I’ll do anything to atone."

"Save it for your next love."

You said it sharply but your chest ached as if you had just stabbed yourself with your own words. Tears ran down your face as you gave him a parting hug, cherishing for a few seconds the comfort you felt in his arms. You fit perfectly with him, his embrace on you snug yet tight and his chin resting on the top of your head. Not able to handle another second with him without sobbing, you teleported away. Sukuna stood there speechless, your warmth had left him and the rejection defeated him.

Once Satoru came back from his mission, he took you out to eat. He sat across from you at the maid cafe he suggested you both go to, though he insisted it wasn't because of the outfits, rather it was because of their delicious desserts. He ordered a crepe filled with strawberries and bananas, topped with chocolate sauce and powdered sugar, and strawberry and vanilla ice cream on the side. Your eyes grew in size at the sickly sugary and loaded confection and your sweet tooth ached for it.

"Why couldn't you have gotten me my own crepe?"

"I got the biggest size so we could share! You wouldn't have been able to finish one on your own anyway, sweets."

You shrugged and quieted your protests. Eating a spoonful of the sweet course, you closed your eyes and hummed in delight. Satoru smiled warmly watching you eat and then followed suit.

"How was the mission?"

“A cakewalk. I thought it’d be a little challenging because of the volume of incomplete domains but a first-grade sorcerer would’ve been sufficient. What’d you do while I was gone?”

You were in awe at his coolness and confidence he effortlessly exuded. But at his question, you let out a long exhale and rested your chin on your knuckles.

“I went to a club and saw Sukuna with a girl. She called him baby and they kissed right in front of me."

"Ouch."

He made a straight face and pursed his lips. You were apprehensive to tell him what happened next, but you weren’t one to lie or keep things from others. You sighed again, anxiously moving fruit around the plate with your fork.

"Worst of all, he tried to seduce me and it almost worked."

He leaned forward in interest, raising his eyebrow and looking at you intently. You nervously met his gaze, unsure of what he thought about the situation.

"Almost?"

"My mind was all over the place debating whether I should or not but I decided not to because I remembered you telling me to wait for you."

He chuckled haughtily and patted you on the head endearingly. You winced at his reaction, his unpredictability confusing you as usual.

"I said wait for me? I meant that I'd be back soon. I'm flattered you thought I didn't want you having sex with anyone else. Though that isn't my decision to make, is it?"

Your palm met your forehead, feeling a little foolish at your misinterpretation of his words. Though you couldn’t be sure that that was what he really meant. Regardless, you didn't want to seem desperate for him.

"Well, whatever. Hooking up with him would've been a mistake."

He nodded, taking a spoonful of crepe, fruit, and ice cream and holding it up to your mouth to feed you. You gladly accepted it, looking up at him and making eye contact as your lips slipped off of the spoon. He returned your lusty stare, telling you that he knew what was on your mind.

"Is this… a date?"

You innocently asked him, not wanting to get the wrong idea of his company.

"Yeah, it is."

You were surprised at the seriousness of his tone. Usually, he teased you by skirting around these kinds of questions.

"And I want to ask you out on another date tonight. Suguru is throwing a party! Everyone will be there. Let's go together."

"That sounds like a lot of fun, but you should go without me. I'm assuming 'everyone' includes Sukuna too."

A look of disapproval was shown on your face at his proposition and he pouted, voicing his objection.

"He might be there but what does it matter? Are you scared of him?"

You sighed in exasperation, knowing this was a bad idea. But you had already stood up to him twice now. Surely you could do it again if a confrontation happened. Though you would prefer not to put yourself in a situation like that at all, you didn’t want his mere presence to influence your actions. You pushed the plate of dessert towards Satoru to signal you were full and done eating. He happily ate the rest. You conceded to him.

"Fine."

"Yay! I'll pick you up at 9 then."

Later that night, Satoru arrived at your apartment an hour behind schedule. You were laying on your bed, hanging off the edge of it upside down when he walked in. He was wearing a fitted white dress shirt that you could easily see his muscular figure in and he had the first couple of buttons undone. Your eyes widened at his attractive appearance and you felt completely underdressed in your colorful shirt, baggy corduroy pants, and platform converse.

"Oh. It's that kind of party?"

His eyes lowered at your outfit and he frowned.

"I had a feeling you didn't have the right clothes for the occasion so I bought you something."

He handed you a black mini dress with spaghetti straps for you to wear. You took it and examined it, trying to decide if you liked it or not.

"You didn’t need to do that. It's not really something I'd buy for myself."

"At least try it on. Please? You can wear your platform boots with them."

You compromised and asked him to look away while you changed but he pretended not to hear you.

"Oh and Y/N? Don't wear a bra."

Your eyebrows scrunched and you pouted at him but you undressed down to your panties anyway. Satoru was obviously checking you out and you saw him lick his lips from the corner of your eye. He scanned you up and down, taking a bit more time viewing your breasts and ass that your panties couldn’t fully cover. You slipped on the dress and it fit a little too well, accentuating your curves and falling right at mid-thigh. After putting your platforms on, you looked at yourself in the mirror, content that you had at least one piece of clothing you were comfortable in.

Satoru came up behind you and hugged you, admiring your figure in the garment he had purchased just for you. His hands trailed the curve of your waist to your hips slowly while he pressed his lips against your ear, lightly licking your earlobe.

"You look delicious, sweets."

Taking one last look at yourself in the dress, and in his arms, you closed your eyes in satisfaction, your heart fluttering. He then grabbed your hand and led you out of the apartment to his car. After putting the key in the ignition, he drove fast, speeding recklessly towards Suguru’s residence. His driving unsettled you, but you were comforted when his hand moved to your thigh, giving it a squeeze. The drive was short and once you got there, you were on edge knowing Sukuna would see you tonight and would undoubtedly approach you. Your thoughts were interrupted when Satoru opened the car door for you and put his hand out for you to grab.

"You're welcome for the dress, by the way."

You turned your head and made a ‘hmph’ sound but then you batted your eyelashes at him and blushed, taking his hand and following his lead. Once you were inside and in view of your friends, you and Satoru unclasped hands, in silent agreement that you didn't want them to think anything was going on between you two yet.

"Fashionably late as usual. And Y/N! We haven't seen you in forever."

Suguru said as he lightly shoved Satoru. Suguru then embraced you tightly, picking you up and twirling you around. You yelped and Shoko came to your rescue, picking you out of his arms and giving you a tight hug as well. They both became straight-faced and asked how you were doing after the breakup. You chuckled nervously, putting your hand behind your head.

"I'm doing fine. Is Sukuna here already?"

"I haven't seen him yet. But wow! I've never seen you in a dress before. You look great."

Shoko nodded in agreement but then snickered after she surveyed you in the dress.

"Is it cold in here?"

Pointing to your nipples that were poking through your garment. Satoru and Suguru’s eyes fell to your chest and they both grinned. You instantly reddened and put your head down, calling them out.

"Stop looking!"

The three of them laughed endearingly while you crossed your arms over your chest to cover it. Shoko pulled you to the side while Suguru and Satoru began conversing with each other about their last missions.

"Seriously, Y/N. Are you okay? I heard Sukuna cheated on you and he's been seeing someone else already."

You sighed, a bit upset that your business was probably known by everyone by now.

"I saw them together at the club last week. It was terrible. Sukuna came with her but we almost hooked up in the back of his car while she was at the bar."

Shoko grimaced at the awkward situation. She put her arm around you to comfort you and you leaned into her.

"I just wanted to warn you that he'll probably show up with her tonight. And what about Satoru? You two are hanging out again?"

"Yeah, I'm slowly trying to reconnect with everyone I disappeared on when I started dating Sukuna."

She smiled knowing she'd be seeing you more often. Satoru and Suguru argued about who knows what but they resolved it quickly and rejoined your conversation.

"Well, you two should go grab a drink! Let's catch up later."

Suguru nudged you both in the direction of the alcohol. They had almost every kind but the only hard liquor you could keep down was tequila. Satoru knew that and had already poured you a shot.

"I'm only having a couple of drinks since I'm driving. I'll take care of you though."

"I can handle my alcohol, thank you very much."

You both said cheers and clinked shot cups. Downing the bitter drink, you made a face of disgust, wanting to cough it up. He then skillfully made two margaritas for both of you to sip on. You chugged it instead and Satoru furrowed his eyebrows at you, thinking he would definitely need to look out for you tonight despite your earlier protest.

"Do you wanna dance?"

You nodded and he led you into the dark room only dimly lit by red LED lights on the ceiling though you could see his intense eyes holding the heavens clearly. The faint light made the atmosphere erotic. He pulled you closer to him, his hand on the small of your back, and you awkwardly did a two-step dance. The unsynchronized movement didn’t fit with the music so he turned you around so your ass was on his crotch. He had to bend his knees a considerable amount because of your height difference. Regardless, he held you close and led your hips to grind on him. The slow swaying and the tequila setting in made you rid yourself of whatever awkwardness that was left.

"This dress looks a little too good on you."

He whispered in your ear as he began to get more frisky, one of his hands cupping your breast while the other crossed over your torso and rested on your hip. He held you close to him tightly, leaving no room between you two and wanting to get even closer. He buried his head in the crook of your neck, lightly kissing down it. You shivered a bit under his touch, sighing in gratification. Your hand found the nape of his neck and you held onto it, giving in to your lust as you felt his erection forming.

"Let's go somewhere else."

Grabbing your wrist, he eagerly led you out into the hallway where he pushed you against the wall, caging you between his arms. He kissed you feverishly, his lips smacking against yours and his tongue finding its way into your mouth where he brushed along your wet muscle. He lightly bit your bottom lip and you let out a soft moan, your body feeling loose and ready for more. Your hand trailed down his torso and over his groin, where you lightly grabbed his hard cock. He was a bit startled but then he smiled, kissing into you even more roughly, his hands cupping your face. You pulled away from his lips to lean over and whisper in his ear.

"Can we get out of here? I want you."

Your doe eyes and sweet voice feigning innocence made him drag you out of the house with a quickness.

As soon as you got outside, he gave you another impassioned kiss and grabbed your ass with both of his hands. You two were about to head over to Satoru's car when you heard a thunderous voice.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Satoru?"

Sukuna stomped his way over to you two and placed his hand on Satoru's shoulder. Satoru made a sound of disgust and brushed his hand off, turning to face him. He leaned over to look at the woman standing beside Sukuna and he scoffed.

"Aren't you going to introduce us to your new girlfriend, Sukuna?"

Satoru spoke his name with a hiss and had the smuggest smile on his face seeing Sukuna seething with anger.

"She's not my girlfriend and what the fuck are you doing with Y/N? You're always getting your hands on my sloppy seconds."

You and Sukuna's date both winced at different parts of his harsh comments. This was probably the worst-case scenario.

"Don't be so full of yourself. Not a fan of your type, besides Y/N of course. And how could you cheat on the sweet girl? Let me guess, is it because you couldn't have the fucked up sex you want with her?"

The girl’s eyes widened, realizing Sukuna had cheated on you with her. You cringed at Satoru’s unintentional insult towards her, seeing how hurt and confused she was already. Your eyebrow raised at Satoru's comment and you inserted yourself into the conversation.

"What are you talking about, Satoru?"

Sukuna crossed his arms and shook his head. Satoru chuckled arrogantly and looked at you with darkened eyes.

"Why don't you tell her why you cheated, Suku?"

He mockingly called Sukuna by the nickname you had given to him. Sukuna sighed deeply and rubbed his forehead with his index finger and thumb in frustration. He didn’t want you to find out like this but he was caught and couldn’t lie anymore.

"I have some kinks I didn't think you'd be into. I got drunk and couldn't control myself when I met someone with similar quirks."

Sukuna spoke as if his date wasn't even there. She glanced at you with embarrassment and dipped her head down so none of us could see her face. You huffed in disbelief and you shot him a dirty look, glaring at him.

"That's why you cheated on me? You didn't trust me enough to tell me what you desired? You didn't even give me a chance to decide whether I did or not?"

"Y/N, what are you even doing with Satoru? Was looking like a pathetic puppy following him around for years not enough indication of how he feels about you? How hopeless everyone thought you were until you started dating me?"

He deflected your questions and you balled your fists in anger, feeling like you were close to your boiling point and about to explode.

"Pathetic, huh?"

"Yes, pathetic. Running back to Satoru as soon as we're over? You don't think it's odd he went after you as soon as he found out we broke up?"

You slapped Sukuna straight across his face, his head turning and your eyes glowing red at him with rage. Your cursed energy changed the air around you hostilely and the three of them shuddered feeling it. Sukuna placed his hand over his cheek where you had hit him and he scowled. His date trembled at your actions and she tugged on his sleeve to ask if he was okay, to which he shrugged her off insensitively.

"I don't give a damn what you think of what I'm doing, Sukuna. You cheated on me for an asinine reason and then you berate me for actions that have nothing to do with you. I never want to see you again."

You spoke jeeringly. Satoru tried to grab your hand to comfort you but you plucked it away from him. He began to plead with you. Sukuna smiled slightly seeing that he successfully pitted you against Satoru.

"Y/N, I told you I'd make everything right. And I will, slowly and steadily."

You rolled your eyes and shook your head in resentment. You were done with all of this and everyone, ready to leave it all behind.

"The both of you can go fuck yourselves."

Satoru looked at you with pained eyes while Sukuna couldn't even face you. You turned to Sukuna's date and sighed, putting your hand on her shoulder in an act of comfort. You were both completely humiliated and she was on the verge of tears. You had a similar feeling but anger was the more prominent emotion.

"I'm sorry about all of this. You really don't deserve it."

She was mortified and began to cry, unable to speak. You turned your back to the three of them and began walking away.

"Don't follow me. I mean it. You two disgust me. I don't know who or what you think I am but I'm not a fucking toy."

"Y/N, please…"

Satoru's voice trailed as the distance increased between you two. You released your balled fists and one of your palms was red and stinging from the vicious slap you gave Sukuna. You then put your hands over your face, groaning loudly.

"What the fuck was all that?"

The walk home was miserable. You trudged back to your apartment, walking uncomfortably as the cold bit at your skin harshly and the dress hiked up your thighs. You constantly pulled the piece of clothing down to an almost modest length for the entire thirty-minute walk. The scene between you four replayed in your mind relentlessly. You wished you could just forget the past six months.

As soon as you stepped into your apartment, you fell down to your knees in front of the mirror. You examined yourself, thinking that you didn't like who you were or anyone very much at this moment. You banged on the mirror with the side of your fist, shattering the glass and distorting your reflection. Your hand began bleeding, shards of glass still embedded in it. And then, you began to sob hard, trying to catch your breath. Your chest felt heavy and your heart ached beneath it. Your phone hadn't stopped ringing since you left, mostly from calls and texts from Satoru, a few from Suguru and Shoko, and a couple from an unknown number which you assumed was Sukuna. You doubted yourself and the people closest to you.

"Am I not deserving of the love I give to others? Am I really just a pitiful person?"

You laid face down on the floor in despair. Exhaling deeply, you were unbearably exhausted and the confidence in yourself had completely dissipated. The depression began to settle in and you fell asleep in absolute defeat.

Note: Watch out for fluff next chapter <3

master list

MIGRATING TO A NEW BLOG @baji-san

#gojo x reader #sukuna x reader #sukuna smut #gojo smut #jujutsu kaisen x reader #gojo satoru #sukuna #gojo fluff #gojo x y/n #sukuna x y/n #jujutsu kaisen imagines #jujutsu kaisen #mine

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sunlightandsuffering · 2 years

Text

Mikasa with glasses = hot librarian Mikasa

Eren has loved Mikasa for as long as he can remember, through hell or highwater he’s been there. Since they were kids, when she was the ugly duckling in elementary school, when she was still somehow the ugly duckling in high school, he’d loved her.

Although he’d always thought she was beautiful; in high school the other kids had sure made fun of her for being taller than most boys and stronger too. Combined with the acne and awkwardness of puberty, it really just hadn’t gone well.

But Eren had always been there, hadn’t cared what anyone else thought, he’d promised to marry her on the playground in kindergarten and he’d stuck to that promise like glue. The second he got the okay from his mom that he was old enough to have a girlfriend, he’d bought her flowers and asked. She’d cried for ten minutes before saying yes and Eren had honestly been worried for a bit.

So now here they are, finally graduated, in university and living their best lives, Mikasa finally the lovely flower he always knew she would be, growing into herself more, more comfortable in her own skin and talkative with people that weren’t him.

And then, on the first day of the new semester they attend their GPA booster sociology lecture. And Mikasa makes him sit at the front of the lecture hall. Not the front middle, a few rows back, not the second row in, the first fucking row, so close to the projector he’s going to get a headache.

“Miks I know you’re a goody two shoes and all, but can we please sit a few rows back at least this is crazy.” She gives him a puzzled look, “It’s blurry back there, why would we sit there?” “Two rows back?” “Yeah, it’s super blurry,” she tells him matter-of-factly before digging her notes out of her backpack and Eren sighs, because he can’t believe he never saw this. His dad is a fucking ophthalmologist.

“Miks I think you need glasses love,” he tells her gently and she looks at him like he’s nuts. “No, it’s fine, I can see.”

“Baby, you shouldn’t have to sit at the front of the room to see the projector.”

"No, this is normal, everyone else just squints." "No my love, I can see just fine two rows up." "Fine, then we'll move two rows up and I'll prove I don't need glasses." What follows is the most painful sociology lecture of his life. Mikasa leans so far over her seat she almost falls into the next aisle several times, not to mention how hard she's squinting, he can't even see her eyes, she's going to cause wrinkles.

Not to mention how many times she leans over to ask him what a word is, blaming it on the prof's terrible handwriting. Eren doesn't have the heart to tell her it's actually really neat, pretty looping cursive.

At the end of the lecture her notes are incomprehensible and as Mikasa looks down at them she's almost inconsolable, his beloved girlfriend almost bursting into tears on the spot. She goes into full meltdown mode and he has to distract her with the snacks he brought for lunch just so she won’t cry.

Three days later and a visit to his dad, Mikasa gets reading glasses for lecture, although she pouts about it the entire time and has a full crying session in his arms the night she gets the offending lenses. “I just got pretty Eren, I finally don’t have acne, and don’t look like a twelve year old boy, what the fuck am I going to do? My boobs are great but they can’t make up for this!”

“Mikasa I’ve always thought your were beautiful you know that.” “Shut up you’re my boyfriend, you’re supposed to say that and you know damn well I didn’t have boobs for the first sixteen years of my life, I looked like a pre-pubescent boy I don’t want to hear it. Now I'm going to look like revenge of the nerds.”

He shuts up, “Well just try them on, maybe they’ll look good.” “No, I can’t let you see until you have to, I hate them, I look awful.” Another meltdown promptly occurs and Eren makes sure to worship her very well for her troubles, letting her know exactly which body parts he admires the most, which is of course all of them. Mikasa goes to sleep thoroughly fucked, and Eren thinks the problem is over. Spoiler alert: it isn’t.

The next morning before their lecture he wakes up very much without his girlfriend in their bed and he freaks out for about an hour before finally reading the note she’d left.

She’s going to their class without him, and he’s not allowed to look for her. Fuck that.

Eren ends up very late, and when he arrives to the lecture hall, it’s packed full and his girlfriend is nowhere in sight. He looks really hard too, her pretty head and cute black glasses nowhere to be found. He finds her after lecture leaning against a pole and grinning at him, glasses gone.

“Mikasa what the fuck?” “I told you, I’m not showing you until it’s absolutely necessary.” “So you’re not going to sit with me the whole semester?” She kisses his nose, “Yup.”

And so it begins, the great battle of trying to see Mikasa in her glasses.

Every morning they try to wake up earlier than the other, outpace whoever leaves first. But Mikasa is fast, and he can never arrive in time to catch where she sits, not to mention she thwarts him by shutting off his alarms, setting one only for when it’s too late for him to catch her.

Once, he sleeps over at Jean’s house, hoping he can catch her if he’s not at home. Eren arrives to the lecture hall two hours early and just sits and waits. Their lecture is the earliest class, so he has to get a janitor to let him in, but he waits patiently for his girlfriend. And when students finally begin to trickle in he expects to see her. Except he doesn’t. He carefully watches almost every student arrive, and not one of them has the same dark hair and pale complexion as Mikasa.

Not one. Yet, still after class his girlfriend awaits him asking how he liked todays material. Eren explodes, how is she doing this?

“Mikasa what the fuck, I waited two hours.” His girlfriend grins deviously, “I have a few different wigs.” Eren wants to scream. When he finally spots his girlfriend in glasses, it’s an accident.

After a month of the losing battle he’s given up at this point, he arrives a little too late to class and sleepily drags himself up to the third row down in the middle section.

Eren slides into the last available seat, next to a pretty girl with pink hair.

It’s clear she’s nervous next to him for some reason, dramatically moving all her items far away from him and keeping her body turned so he can’t really see her, but Eren doesn’t care, whatever.

He’s too tired for morning lecture. He doesn’t care until the prof asks if they can all pull out paper and a pen to participate in a class activity and Eren realizes he forgot his pencil case. He taps the girl on the shoulder a few times, “Hey, can I borrow a pencil?” She ignores him at first, but Eren is in the last seat of the aisle, she’s the only one he can ask. “Excuse me, I’ll just be a few minutes, after the activity you can have it back.” Still no answer, Eren groans, trying one more time and finally the girl looks at him and green eyes meet slate grey encased in delicate dark frames and Eren’s brain short circuits.

“Miki?” She lets out a long sigh, “Yeah it’s me.”

His eyes scan up and down her body quick and he utters out a quick, “Fuck,” and Mikasa glares at him over her glasses.

“I look ridiculous right, I knew it, I’m throwing them away when I get home.” She looks the opposite of ridiculous. Eren physically can’t breathe looking at her because he’s never really thought he’d have a thing for glasses, but Mikasa in glasses… He now understands why there’s so many sexy librarian pornos.

He’s silent for a second and his girlfriend squirms under her ridiculous pink wig, and Eren knows he has to clear up her assumption. “Can I still borrow that pencil?” Her brow furrows and for a moment she looks so unbelievably upset, but hands him hers and Eren wastes no time, writing down in explicit detail while their teach talks, exactly what he wants to do with his girlfriend. She looks amazing, her eyes magnified a little by the frames, big, grey and expressive, eyelashes long and dark. It’s just the way they sit on her face too, the cute little scrunch of her brows every time they slide down the delicate arch of her nose, how she pouts when she has to push them back up.

How she looks like she should be wearing heels and asking him where his library card is, fuck does he love Mikasa in glasses. She’s sexy as hell. Eren chooses an optimal moment to hand Mikasa his note, when the teacher is explaining the example and he watches her eyes scan the scrap of paper with his literal paragraph of dirty thoughts and she almost chokes.

He leans down to her ear, “Love the glasses, in case you couldn’t tell, you’d better be wearing them when I fuck you later.” He lays a kiss to her temple before concentrating on class. Mikasa doesn’t concentrate at all, he thinks he broke her, and he has to do their activity for both of them. But oh well, as long as she knows she’s cute with glasses, he doesn’t really care.

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