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samalong1 · 6 months

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Songbird Hannibal x Operareader

Yandere hannibal tw obsessive reltionship, controlling behavior,manupliation, and briefly mentioned baby trapping

You were his song bird, he'd always say it, it was his Nickname for you. He wasn't ashamed of it either infront of a crowd of all his dinner guests he'd call out for his song bird to come make a host

Such a nice reminder of how you met and fell in love, you even had the ticket Hannibal bought to your opera show framed so it was nice he was also sentimental

But it was much diffrent from hannibal's view

He saw your performances many times before you even met him. Every time he was smitten

Your voice it came from deep down as if it was your soul singing

It indirectly brought him to his childhood your look,voice,and even smell reminded him of his mother's room, the smell of all her perfume and the admiration he had for all the beauty and small details, it was hard to fully put into words but he just knew he had to have you

Although he wanted to simply sweep you up have you in his arms, he had to be patient if he wanted you to sing

A song bird could be trapped in the prettiest golden cage and fed the best quality food but never sing, they'd fall into depression being aware of their lack of freedom.

So he moved slowely charming you one night after a performance when he spotted you in the lobby. He'd take you ok the finest dates and gift you the finest golden jewelry he could find

Of course you were charmed, a respectable well groomed well educated man wanting to give you the world would charm anyone he was like a winning lotto ticket sticking out from any deadbeat,messy,rude, or childish boyfreinds you've had before

If the song bird is unaware of their captivity, the golden bars too far away for them to feel trapped, too busy with toys to want to fly away and it'd be content singing

This is what he did you thought you could go anywhere but he made very sure you'd never be too far away, not that you would wonder off he would do so much with you that you were too tired to go out without him.

He loved hearing your voice In the theatre and seeing how you moved everyone. But his greed was far more powerful, he wanted your voice to only move him to speak directly to him your voice only sung for him. At every performance he'd imagine your voice hitting a note so high everyone but him would shatter like glass leaving him the only one worthy to enjoy your melodies

So he played the long game soon wrapping your finger in a wedding ring, to lure you into the grand cage

After that it was easy to get you to abdonen your career with phrases like, "why work for others when I am more than able to provide", "you could write your own songs with the free time",and the one that hit the hardest "if we had children won't you want to be around them, of course I support working mothers but all the time you spend practicing and when you perform in other states even countries woudnt you rather be with them"

Of course there were a ton mire tactics he used to persuade you, he was very manipulative part of that is what made life to him a game if chess always needing to plot your next move or words

Soon it worked, his song bird was in the cage clueless about the trap and he locked the door

It took years but finally he had his pretty song bird in a golden cage where only he could be blessed with the singing, where only he held the key to free the bird but it remained unaware happily singing

You were happy either way wrapped around him

It was funny you worried that he didn't love you at times or that you were a bother due to how stoic he was and how hard it was to read him

Of course he'd assure you how loved you are but it was funny, you were worried that you were annoying him when he did so much for you to "annoy" him

Everyone saw through the bars even you, you were lucky you married a rich respectful docter who loved you

You'd still sing for the public but not as a profession whenever there was a open mic or any exuse he'd happily watch his songbird sing and the awe in others

He saw it as a blessing to the strangers a rare moment where he'd bring his golden cage to the public to allow others to hear the singing

He'd sketch you alot, you'd be drawn as many Greek Goddesses frequently as aphrodite, or on a stage singing to a audience that was empty exept for one man, him

He never shown you the sketches but he wasn't ashamed its just what he did to keep his mind busy you woudnt show him your middle school doodles

If you ever saw them he'd just admit that he drew them and move on

Though he'd ask you to model for paintings drawing you in so many poses some erotic but some classical, as if you were a medival monarch

Though he usually painted from real life he had one he painted without your modeling, it was you wearing flowing silk while in a golden swing in a golden cage seeming unaware

Oh how he favored it, it was hung in his office for any patients or freinds to see. You felt unease when seeing it but could never put a finger on it

Because a happy songbird was unaware of its cage,it didn't see itself as trapped so it woudnt recognize any depiction of themselves as trapped

#hannibal lecter x reader #hannibal #yandere hannibal lecter #yandere hannibal #hannibal x reader #hannibal lecter

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bloogers-boogers · 1 month

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Forbidden Power AU. This AU focuses on Michael, it's the end of all Creation, all thanks to Lucifer's Spawn. Michael's final attempt to fix everything is to Disturb their father Only To Discover that his father is dead and has been dead for what looks like years there is still hope his father may be dead but his Authority can still be used... All angels authorities are held in Halos and God is no exception... Michael has a halo So he can go back and fix everything... The issue is the darkness in his heart, his Desire for the First man... Originally he was going to leave Almost everything unchanged...but this is an Opportunity he never did get or never should have had...can he stay on the noble path...ya No Michael has bin the good boy all his Existence and he will continue to be the good boy But he will be so when it comes to Adam and make Adam Exactly how he wants him to be

Hopefully this ask is for me and not mistaken for another blog shsiwbdjiwe do not get me wrong I love the guitarhero ship but I haven't posted anything about them aside from the drawing I made for @/ironbatpaperturtle (and my adamsapple fic) so I have a feeling that maybe this ask wasn't for me 😭

I should tho... like write more of them cause ngl I really like them together but my whole view on those two is far different than @/ironbatpaperturtle's Michael and Adam ahdjendiw

BUT if this anon is for me then I appreciate you for sharing me your au whdjwkdjdwoek 💖 now, with all that said let me proceed on actually answering you.

Omygod. Okay first, I think the God being dead for the longest period is such an interesting concept I read something similar like this before in a fic (adamsapple) called 'the devil you know /by anglotron' so I like it, kinda explains why angels would be put in so much work (do drastic choices) if God isn't there to guide them and solve things for them or just get involved but I also love the concept of him not giving a f*ck shjsiahdwiwbs after Lucifer's fall/betrayal he was just left hopeless for anything; his most "perfect creation" (Adam) corrupted by evil and then his most "perfect angel" turned out to have been the one to bring said corruption. (he may still care for Michael and Jesus tho but like it's hard for him to care about the rest) and letting all his children figure it out themselves (poor Sera), like, I can picture him just as depressed like Lucifer in the show issisofksos but unlike him who copes with making ducks, God just lays in the couch mopping about how disappointed in humanity he is and how "perfect" everything was before he planted the damn apple on earth, while he bosses Michael and maybe Metatron too (tho with him he's a lot more harsher bc he was previously human and he's kinda just bitter about them in general, but he's proven his worth enough) around to bring him shit like ice cream or junk food (tho he could easily just summoned all those things he subconsciously just wants company and Michael is there to bring it to him the only angel that has not yet disappointed/maintain loyal to him). So yeah.

Anyways — I still like the concept of God actually being dead. Like when you say Michael has a halo do you meant like he holds on to God's halo? Cause that's kinda cool af, imagine him just holding on to the halo of God (maybe even pitifully hopeful their father would return 'saving it for him') so he just has the halo on him and everyone just "oh shit this motherfucker really could just end it all if he wanted to" but Michael just doesn't cause 'with great power holds big responsibility' type of mentality and I think it'd be funny if Lucifer confronts heaven and is in a determined search for Michael to provoke him and remind him he's still the most perfect of all God's creation (mosty just salty as hell bc Michael cast him to hell lmao) and then when he finds Michael he like comes up with a taunting comment about how bad heaven turned out to be Yada Yada that neither realm is perfect or better than the other, and BAM suddenly his eyes drifted to Michael's head and recognizes the halo.

"Is that—...!"

"Yeah," Michael simply states defeated in his chair, unfazed by his brother arrival, from all the chaos going on, his people being murder, just, done, "father's gone, Lucifer."

So they just stare at eochother in silence, Lucifer with a stunned almost hurt expression and Michael with a nonchalant one. After the realization hitting him like a truck Lucifer realizes there was no end to the chaos released to all realms after Charlie unintentionally brought it to them if God wasn't there to fix it all...

Fear overwhelming him now cause he was kinda chilled out about the whole thing knowingly God would have to intervene soon because heaven was also being attacked by evil- but now realizing he's dead, it like hits him hard, mostly worried for his daughter's fate more than anything else.

Then, another thing hits him, "wait! What aren't you doing anything?! You can fix this, Michael! You have father's power, we can-"

Michael lifts his hand to signal him to stop, "I'm not planning to do anything."

"WHAT?!! Do you realize your people are also being attacked!"

"Your daughter brought this among ourselves, now, she must find her way to solve it."

"But she won't be-"

"Silence. If she was able to bring it to us then she's more than capable of putting it back. If not, that's no longer my problem"

"YOU-!"

"No, Lucifer," he stands up, the power of God emitting through his aura, the millions of eyes on him, big six graceful wings extended to show their full on glory, eyes bright like the intensity of a star. His voice was much more deeper and cold, distant, detached, "I lost everything because of your silly dream of free will, and now redemption. Look at where it lead us, prove me wrong this time, if it doesn't succeed then it was meant to be that way. Accept your fate.

I would create something new, something different. Something that won't betray its kind. No longer you existing. It will be perfect."

Lucifer felt so tiny now. That was no longer the brother he once knew. Not the caring, gentle, protective fiercely warrior that he once was.

Only filled with rage, grief and pain.

Michael... is dead too.

But anyways with all that, somehow lets say both Charlie and Lucifer mange to remind Michael of his love for the countless souls left at his hands to care and protect. And I dunno maybe a song too ahdhdiqgsjahsia and what gets the cake is Michael seeing Adam alive, behind the two, who somewhat stumble across their intervention in a 'bad timing'.

"Hey bitch you forgot your tampon— oh shit! Wrong room," Adam (now sinner) appears at the door oblivious of the whole deal.

"Adam!" Charlie shouted annoyed as they were already, almost, having a heartfelt moment between her father and Michael.

Michael eyes watered, "ADAM!" He pushes past Charlie and Lucifer who are now just confused as fuck seeing how Michael (filled with new growing hope) crushes Adam in a big hug with all the intensity of his power and somehow it was till so gentle and careful that it didn't kill Adam.

And the first man just there struggling to get loose while also suffocating.

Idk I just like Michael still having to be the hero even in circumstances where he doesn't want to. So the universe just grants him a purpose for he to keep following up God's title for him. If he wasn't gonna do shit because he lost Adam? Then BAM! Sinner Adam is now a thing so keep your ass moving Michael!

Michael now wants to fix things up to keep Adam safe; his new purpose (reason) on protecting heaven, his people and the countless souls God left him in charge with.

#asks♡#guitarhero #michael x adam #sorry for the long ask my god

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kingdomofred · 1 month

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Burn & Burn Again (Male Yandere!Writer x GN!Reader)

feat. Sun Vasileiou Nevrakis

♡ pt.3, approx. 1.9k words | prev. | next.

♡ post-specific warnings: very mild and slightly suggestive content, mentions of abandonment, mentions of suicide | series warnings: yandere themes, reader is a horrendous flirt

♡ a/n: leaving this as SFW since nothing happens, and it's just suggestive, but please be wary of that fact anyway if it's something that you don't want to read. this is purely a work of fiction. yandere behaviour in real life is a cause of concern. unedited, not proofread.

♡♡♡

One thing you'd learnt about Sun over the course of the past few weeks, was that he had three very distinct moods. The first was shy and easily flustered, the second — uncharacteristically confident, but caring, and the third… downright irritable. Thankfully, you saw that last one fairly infrequently. Only when he was writing. He'd explained it as something, something, he didn't like being disturbed, something, messing with his thoughts, something, writer's block, something, grasping at threads.

Frankly, you didn't like when he completely ignored your existence, or when he snapped at you for snapping at him for doing so. Despite that, things were going great between the two of you. That day in the circus really brought you closer, and then you had your actual date on the weekend. You didn't nearly die on that one, you chose the venue and it was just a cute café. A cat café. Another thing you'd learnt was that Sun was allergic to cats.

Anyway.

Today, he'd invited you to his house.

In your humble opinion, this was a big step-up for someone who was reluctant to let you take any photos of him because he was worried you'd leak them. Then he thought you hated him because he'd refused and gotten depressed. You had to reassure him you understood his reasons why, and that, even if you didn't, you'd still respect them. He was so adamant that you'd get bored of not being able to tell anyone about him and decide to give up on pursuing him.

The way he fretted was so cute. You had to grab him by the face, look him in the eye, and promise that wouldn't happen because he was literally the most beautiful thing ever. He retaliated by saying that you were only interested in his looks and that you'd leave him as he aged.

You grabbed a pen and paper from the abyss, drew him a portrait of himself and shoved it in his hands. There wasn't a time in your life you were more serious than when you leaned in and whispered to him, that the beauty inked there would never age.

Sun cracked up and laughed so hard he spilled his drink all over himself, and still couldn't stop as you frantically patted him dry. When you asked him what was so funny, he just looked at you and laughed harder.

In the end, he took your little drawing of a fat circle with eyes and dots at the cheek with him, saying he wanted to frame it. You were glad he liked your art that much. You think it'd been the best thing you'd ever doodled, and clearly he did too. You were proud of yourself.

So now, you had a date at his house. He was still a bit wary, so he asked if he could take you there instead of giving you the location outright. You agreed without a second thought. Anything to soothe his nerves.

You were waiting outside for him when a sports car that easily cost more than all your organs combined, rolled up in front of you. You glanced from side-to-side when it didn't move, searching for what it could've possibly stopped for when one of the tinted windows lowered down.

“Y/N.” Sun was sitting behind the wheel and he called your name so sweetly. His head tilted away from you — an inviting gesture, both in his actual silent request for you to get in, and the expanse of neck and bare skin he was letting you see.

“Do I drool over you, or the car first?” you teased, shutting the door behind you as lightly as possible. You didn't wanna damage the goods.

“Me, of course,” Sun replied playfully, driving out onto the road, “it's always me, I should be your priority.”

You hadn't really expected him to respond to your comment at all, so you just sat there and gaped like a fish. Right now, he was in his confident mood, then.

“What?” he glanced at you for a second, mirth dancing in his eyes.

“Nothing.” You cleared your throat quickly, shuffling in your seat and fiddling with the strap of your seatbelt. “Just, uh, never sat on a heated seat before. ‘S cool.”

“Yeah?” Sun didn't really sound convinced, one of his hands left the wheel to grab yours. He intertwined your fingers with his and held your hands between the two of you. His thumb brushed over your knuckles. Your heart rate picked up. “Ask me out again tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that,” he whispered, “until we both get sick of seeing each other. You'll get used to it by then.”

It took you a moment to understand that he was referring to your previous statement about the seats. You felt your face heat up, looking out the window before mumbling, “‘course I will. And I won't get sick of you.” You added that last bit, knowing that's what he needed to hear. You didn't know why yet, but he was always deeply troubled about being left behind. Still, you meant what you said. You really did like him.

Sun smiled and tugged your joined hands onto his knee. His palm smoothed over your skin, thighs falling open at such a sinful angle. You bit your lip. It was like he was just tempting you to go apeshit, but no, you had self-restraint. You would control yourself.

“Writing sure pays well, huh?” You change the topic, running the finger of your free hand over the console.

“Not for everyone,” Sun's attention is back on the road, but his grip on you is still comfortably firm. “Most authors barely make enough to live off of, get ripped off if they go the route of traditional publishing, and then have to keep churning out books to get a somewhat steady flow of income. Rarely do you find a case of a one-hit-wonder that lets you retire early. Most writers have a day job.”

“Oh.” You say. “I didn't know that.” You stare at where you're touching his knee, contemplating, then squeeze gently. “You must've had it hard to get to this level then.”

“Not particularly.” He shook his head. “I just got lucky. Unlike other authors trying to make a name for themselves, all my work stopped at the writing. Publishing, marketing, building a readership — everything else kinda just did itself.”

“But you've done it more than once. It wasn't just your first, or second, or third book. All of them have gotten so big. You can't chalk all of that up to luck,” you argued.

Sun shrugged. “I write for myself, just because I enjoy it. I don't know how it got shared with the world, but it did. I don't really care either way.” The car stopped and he parked. You had been so distracted by your conversation with him and just, him, in general, that you didn't realise how much time had passed. You'd arrived.

Sun got out and walked over to your side, opening the door and helping you out. The large gates behind you that had opened for him to drive in were closing and you had to take a moment to just breathe. All the flora and foliage really did wonders in making the air lush. Not to mention the expanse of land stretched out before you. You'd never seen an area so spacious on a single property, did this count as a driveway or a front garden? Whatever it was, it led towards the most breathtaking mansion you'd ever seen. To be fair, you'd never seen any other mansions in real life, just in pictures on ads that told you to get your shit together and start investing in ludicrous rubbish. Nonetheless, this was definitely more aesthetic than all the others.

“I'd drive to the front, but I wanna walk with you. It'll take about twenty minutes, care to indulge me?” Sun gave you his palm to take, and you did, but just the thought of the journey from the gate to the front door being twenty minutes had your head reeling. That was how long it took you to get to your local pharmacy from your house. Having money was cool.

“Okay, but if it can buy you a place this big, you can't deny that you've got to have some talent,” you said, absently.

“Hmm?” Sun bumped your shoulder. “Oh, I didn't buy this place using money from my job. To be honest, I don't think I've ever used any money I've earned. It just sits there, and piles up.”

“Huh?!”

“Ever had a rich wine aunt?”

“No,” you gasped, “all this?”

“Mhmm,” he grinned at you, then stared into the distance, “I barely talk to her, she just deposits large sums of money into my bank account every month. Same with my brother.”

“You have a brother?” You ask and then backtrack to the more important question in your head right now, “wait, why?”

“Why do I have a brother?”

“No!” You smacked his arm and he had to hold back his laugh. “I mean, why would she do that?”

Sun hummed, and pulled you closer. “Probably because she feels responsible for us somehow.” His arms snaked around your waist. “When I was younger, my mother had an affair with another woman. They eloped and she abandoned the entire family,” his voice took a bitter tone, “she didn't even leave behind a note. My father killed himself the very next day. His sister, my aunt, pitied my brother and I enough to take us in, but it wasn't as though she was ever around anyway. So we lived like shadows, cast by a broken home, without even a home to speak of.”

“...Sun,” you called his name, unsure of what else to say.

He smiled at you, pinched your nose. “Hey, my brother and I got into all sorts of mischief, y'know? It wasn't all thunder and rain clouds. Actually, there was a time where we sent some of the older kids to the hospital for picking on us. After that, our aunt sent us to therapy,” he mused, “I actually started writing as a result.”

“You did?”

“Yeah,” he stretched, standing back to his full height instead of leaning on you, “my therapist suggested it. Said I had too much pent up anger and emotions. He's a good man, like a father to me, I still visit him regularly.”

“I'll have to meet him one of these days.” You'd began talking before you could stop. “Gotta greet the in-laws, right?”

Sun paused, causing you to stop too. The beginnings of an awkward laugh were dancing on your tongue, but then you noticed that he was red from the tips of his ears to the apples of his cheeks. Cute.

He cleared his throat. “Yeah,” he strode ahead of you quickly, covering his face, “I'll introduce you soon.”

“Promise?” you tease as you run to catch up with him.

“Y/N!” he whined, but then added on quietly, “promise.”

#redw.rites #redw.ritesocs #redw.ritesyandere #redw.ritessfw #yandere #yandere x reader #x reader #gn reader #yandere oc #oc #my ocs #reader insert #male yandere #male oc #male!oc #yan x reader

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magnuficent76 · 5 months

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Ermmmm huiiii just a thought but what if you... Talked about Mary Caede moreee :) (hides the suspiciously bouquet of flowers looking bouquet of flowers behind my back)

TEEHEEEE HI MANTIS !!!!!! YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT !!!! I should talk about Mary. Here I go !!

- Mary is a funny woman. She's unremarkable by many people– just another person trying to get by in the crazy wastelands without getting shot at a million times, making a living by selling whatever produce doesn't die in the harsh climate– yet she's very valued by the people of her community. Mary has always been kind despite there being little place for that in a planet like Pandora, and it's because of that kindness that she slipped out of many life threatening situations before. Some people would argue that it's just a front she puts on so she has some chance of survival, but she'd say that it's more so just cause and effect: The nicer you are to people, the less likely they are to impale you and display your body gruesomely. Besides, most appreciate a break from the near constant mayhem.

- When she was a youngster, this was the exact same reason why she wanted to leave her clan and study medicine. Which she couldn't technically do, due to there being No Real Schools in Pandora and much less Actual Doctors, but when you're bleeding out and far away from the nearest safe-spot, there's no complaining to be done when someone comes patch you up. She was basically a field medic, except she didn't really know what she was doing and had to guess a lot of the time, but hey, it's not like *too* many people died ! She did give up eventually due to how depressing the entire thing was, but not before a certain someone happened to find her with a group of injured men who needed taking care of. And wouldn't you know, that someone was Lucifer Lucio Caede and his devils. That oughta end pretty good for them !

- Mary's clan, The Farmhouse, disbanded a few years after she left. It just wasn't the same without her around, and even though they still loved the brutality... there was nothing to offset it, no one to dispute it, nobody to lead or to at least give *some* direction of what to do when the oven sets itself on fire after you try to bake something. It was a real mess, not the fun kind, but they were all fine afterwards I'm sure, minimal casualties. She played a major role but her time of leading bandits and organizing big crimes against the intergalactic rules were over. Better things to do, don't you know !

- Can't actually shoot for the life of her, which would usually mean a death sentence, but really means that she has experience finding Other Ways to kill people should the necessity to do so rise. Most of her repertoire with weapons includes blunt force, like hitting someone with a big bat until they stop moving, or outside forces, like running someone over with a car until they stop moving. It's only ever in self defense though, because Mary ABHORRES blood. It used to make her nauseous as a teen and even as an adult it's still enough to make her head spin. Living in the Death Murder planet, you'd think it'd give *some* immunity or at least indifference to it, but nope. Well, should some bodies be made, they'll be great for fertilizer anyway, so it's not a huge deal. Hopefully.

And here's a doodle just for youuuuu <333

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taylorftparamore · 19 days

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won't lie it's deeply funny how taylor makes it quite clear in "i can do it with a broken heart" that it isn't the performing that's making her depressed, but the fact that she's utterly broken-hearted & being at the top of the world isn't changing the fact she's got an empty home to head back to and yet some swifties still made it about them. like the entire song is "i'm not having the time of my life, but i am GOOD at it to the point where no one can tell i'm miserable, and i'm fuckin proud of that. if i wasn't good at my job it'd be the last fuckin straw in this bitch of an earth" and swifties are like "oh so she SECRETLY HATES US?" no bitch calm down

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cannibal-nightmares · 23 days

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did you know may is mental health awareness month?

text under the read more: an unreality ramble about my dog. he is a good boy.

have a peaceful song -

where do I even begin

I guess I'll start with that I don't like talking about my delusions. there's some I want to talk about but can't because they're either scary and/or too confusing in that theyre too real. or im "not allowed" to. but this one exists in a neutral space, so a neutral story this will be

I only got him when he was 1½ years old and he was kenneled at the shelter w another dog identical to him, but if he wasn't someone's service/emotional support animal, then he must have been in a past life. or he has a human consciousness. or something. my friends joke about the latter often but I'll get there in a second. the way he responds to my emotions and actions is uncanny. he is a rather quiet dog, but if he notices me freeze up and go quiet to an uncharacteristic degree, he will very blatantly try to get my attention. if I lie on the floor from anxiety, he will lie on my legs; if I lie on the floor in being depressed, he will get in my face. he's intervened self harm (namely hitting, but, if he's alert, he's interrupted trichotillomania episodes). The thing is, idk where he gets it from. I didn't train him to do any of these things

my friends joke that's he's "just a dude." "a man in a dog's body" etc. it *is* a funny joke. he likes people more than other dogs; his eye contact is oddly human-like (ask my friends). it *is* a funny joke, and the following isn't directly related, but I do have great fears about him. some of which the noise isn't going to let me say outloud here but. what I can: sometimes I fear it's true--an organic thought outside of what my friends have said, the two ideas don't feel the same--or perhaps that he was someone in a past life. or is a positive-neutral force sent to look after me. idk. it's hard to explain why while it would be/is theoretically positive, how it is still unnerving. and how it feels like something will change in one direction or another when I post this. I digress. He's just a guy. I have bigger fears on it, but that's the simple of it.

A coworker asked and suggested why I don't get a service dog. at first, I considered the question as courteous, but then realized... I struggle to walk my current dog, if I am honest. I do it, I take him out every day, etc, but as much as I got a dog to help me w paranoia, it has not curbed it. in ways, in ways, it has made it worse. countless of times I have tried to walk him around the block, made it halfway, and turned around due to feeling like a force was watching me, like something was waiting around the corner, like there were traps ahead, and many other more specific and pertinent things I am not allowed to say here (plus it'd be safer if I didnt). taking him outside is like flipping on a geiger counter to gauge the state of the day. I feel really bad for him in this. I can't imagine trying to get a proper service animal in these regards.

My friends like to joke that he's some sort of bending entity in that he's just shaped funny. I mean, he is. His legs are goofy-long, his nose is angled funny off of his snout, his ears are huge. Etc. But--again, separate from what they've said--sometimes I look at him and he doesn't feel real. It's difficult to explain. I look at him and it's like I'm missing something. Like how you can't reach into a tv and grab what's on the screen. idk.

The reason I'm saying all of this is because... As much as I am sometimes scared he isn't real to some degree, I consider that, even if he isn't, I think he's worth "wasting time" on. I love him, he's a good little guy, and so far, at least, everyone is pretending along. Sometimes I pick him up and feel like a question mark is above my head hahaha. Like I'm missing something. But he's worth my time. He's worth my time in the same way daydreaming can be fun. I don't know how to fckng word this. He is good. Real or not, he is good. I can't imagine trying to "prove" his "realness," and I also don't know how. I don't mind devoting time to him, real or not, because he is good. agh. I hope this makes sense. I've been sitting on these thoughts for at least three years now.

#my head is sickeningly pissed off that im posting this but i swear the ending is positive #cannibal-nightmares rambles #mental health awareness month #actually schizophrenic #Spotify

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dadada-darling · 7 months

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Shidou 12, Mahiru 21, Mikoto 18

hi hi

12. what do you wish would be discussed more often about them in the fandom?

shidou

(long read + the rest of the questions below)

hm... if i had to think and judging from sal's past reactions, i would say it wasnt discussed often on how shidou has depression, or well, has symptoms of it. it wasn't brought up often either (we've seen like a few posts mentioning it)

in trial 1, he says about how he wants the death penalty because he couldnt find himself to live with what he did to other people's families (esp relatives of people who were braindead)

he gained a will to live in trial 2 because he feels like he needs to live to take care of futa and mahiru. without him, they'd die. he doesn't know how to feel, he wants to be forgiven despite being riddled with sins.

we think his development is really neat! for us, we feel like shidou does have depression (we do have it ourselves)

mental health is kinda tricky to talk about, but it'd be nice if people talked about this more about shidou's character.

there's also this part too

there's also a few times of we've seen people mentioning this part of triage specifically. people were worried if shidou might do something to kotoko but for us we think he'll just talk some sense into her. shidou doesn't seem like the violent type to do that

21. do you have any similarities with them/relate to something in them?

mahiru

OKAY this is kinda funny to answer because sal himself (the host) doesn't relate too much to mahiru at all except for a few of us in the system that does! i guess if we were to pick in generally... a childish way of viewing love? we're kinda airheaded. (the second trial song, i love you is relatable to some of us!)

if asking individually as in me (mikko) I guess i do share a color with her? we're both orange!

if it helps we (me and sal) both got mahiru in milgram character assignment. i think thats funny

18. which non-deco vocaloid songs do you think suit them?

mikoto

ohhh this is a fun question! from my list i'd say:

phony by tsumiki (mikoto)

disappearance addiction by kairiki bear (this is more to john)

jigsaw puzzle by mafumafu (both mikoto and john. angst time)

miseen by nulut (both mikoto and john. angst)

empty prayer by nulut (mikoto and john. AGAIN. angst)

donut hole by hachi (both mikoto and john. sorry i keep using them.)

dispassionately , reminiscence by A_II (mikoto and john AGAIN i am so sorry. we love them)

i hear the sound of someone else's problems by ame no murakumo (mikoto, some parts remind me of john!)

lower one's eyes by nulut (mikoto + john)

melty land nightmare by harumaki gohan (mikoto and john. can you tell that we think about them often)

that's all for now! these are the songs i could think of while thinking of mikoto (and by extension, john) hope this was a fun read!

#answers #sal answers #milgram #shidou kirisaki #mikoto kayano #mahiru shiina #john milgram #tagging it as sal answers because even though hes not around rn we just answered for him #mikko.txt

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rainbowdaisy13 · 1 month

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Yes yes right people with depression or mood swings or any mental health issues are not worthy of building a life with—bring back asylums!!

/////////////

Oh man, I was diagnosed with severe depression when I was *eight* and when I'm off my meds I go from an artist to a moody destructibe artist type too, I wonder how worthless that asshole thinks my life is considering that I've lived with severe depression like 3.5 times longer than I lived without it, lol holy crap that person is so stupid it'd be funny if it wasn't enraging 😒

All the love to you 🤍

Been there been there—for me it’s OCD and I had post partum really badly with my first. People will never know unless they know. I always described my depression as tv static

These people are morons, I’m truly only friends now with people who know what it’s like to live with MH issues

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princelylove · 2 months

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helloo Prince!! I hope you've been doing okay over there! reading your Leone posts makes my heart go mushie.. Your portrayal is so niceee I love it QWQ I hope it's not a bother to share some thoughts mayhaps--

I remember a while back an anon had a thought of cop!Leone abducts reader only to let them go iirc? but that got me thinking.. imagine they somehow reunited, maybe reader is part of the group or has to help them. the guilt this man faces upon seeing them again years later. what if they don't immediately recognize him too.. it took them a moment or so, but when they did, I could see it go two different ways;

either they get awkward or happy to see him again. but am I a huge sucker for compliant readers or Stockholm syndrome in dark or yandere settings? oh absolutely. <3 poor Leone having to deal with this.. this man would probably be expecting the worst from them but oddly enough they talk to him as if he never even abducted them? it's not like they don't remember it, because they do.

I think I wrote too much but there's no obligation to reply to this quick as always ~ :>

~ 🩹 anon~

He's horribly anxious from the moment he sees you again. A normal person would've gone far, far away from where they were kidnapped- yet here you are, practically begging to put your head on his lap again.

Leone really doesn't deserve you. He wasn't even that good to you- he was bitter, openly mocked you- he's not the type of man you should want. Whatever saved you from him is proof God, or whatever you want to call him, is real, and hates him.

The worst depressive episode of his life is about to be overshadowed by the worst anxiety attack of his life. He thought he was over you- you're just something from his past that keeps him up at night, not a real person. You're not real. Just something he replays in the evening, with a bottle in his hand, or two.... or five.

He doesn't think you're actually here until Guido or Narancia speaks to you directly. His mind is just playing tricks on him because he deserves it. It kind of hits him like a truck. You're- you're here? With him? Sitting at the same table, not freaking out because he's been trying to inch away from you (or closer to you, he alternates) for the past forty minutes?

Leone chokes up when you try to talk to him. He'll actually back away- it'd be funny if it weren't anxiety-inducing to see a grown man back up in fear.

He avoids you. Especially if you'd nice to him. Look, he isn't going to hurt you, he's not that type of man anymore. He's grown, matured... He'd rather you be angry at him, but you're such a sweet thing, aren't you.

When he relapses on you and chases you again, he tells himself he's too grown to be acting a fool like this. It doesn't deter him much.

#🩹 anon #yandere leone abbacchio #cw derealization

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crashdevlin · 11 months

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Losses and Gains 1- She Deserves Better

Author’s Note: This is the first chapter of Losses and Gains, the second part of To Have it All. This is Something More...from Jensen's side!

Summary: Jensen doesn't take it well when Y/n catches the eye of a certain British gentleman.

Pairing: Jensen x Reader, background Reader x Tom Hiddleston

Word count: 4149

Story Warnings: open marriage, mentions of depression and heartbreak, the beginnings of bad things

~~~~

I knew. When I watched Y/n ride away in that Uber, I knew that Danneel had broken something. Months of getting closer, being in love with each other, building some secret something with her...all torn down with one catty, jealous comment from my wife.

I was hoping she'd come back around but I knew that I had one shot to see her and bring her back to me. I was hoping that showing her that I was still in love even when she was clear across the continent would work. I called her every night after we wrapped. The calls were short, fifteen minutes, usually, but I managed to make her laugh at least once a day. It was a good thing. Made me feel like there was still a connection between us.

I spent my days sad and my nights dreaming of her. I missed her so much and I knew, I knew it in my heart, that she was pulling back and that I was at risk of losing her. Losing her...well, that was going to be the worst thing I could think of.

When she went to Atlanta, I was excited. She'd be alone. She'd be able to remember how being with me felt. At least that was the way I thought it'd go. I mean, especially when she actually called me at noon on the first day of her shooting with Marvel. "Hey. How's your first day on a major motion picture going?"

“Uh, it’s good. My hair is super red. My voice is already tired," she said as I sat in my recliner in my trailer. "You remember when Rich was directing and he made us do the French Toast scene thirteen freakin’ times? Nothing compared to these Marvel guys.”

I chuckled as I remembered the day a few months ago. “You havin’ fun, though? Meet any of the biggies, yet?”

“Yeah, actually. Most of my scenes are with Tom.”

“Which one?” There were several Toms in the MCU so that was funny to me.

She laughed and I smiled. She hadn't really laughed since she went home...not with me, anyway. “Hiddleston. Sinthea has most of her scenes with Loki. I have a small interaction with Stephen Strange and two tiny scenes with Thor, but that’s it. So, I’m sadly not gonna have any screen time with Robert Downey Jr. or Sebastian Stan." She sounded so excited. "Oh, they did tell me something cool and super-secret-keep-your-mouth-shut. I get the mid-credits scene.”

I was filled with pride for her. That was a big fucking deal. “No shit?”

“No shit. Well, me and Tom, but… it’s Sinthea’s reveal, which I can’t go into because it's super-secret-keep-your-mouth-shut.”

“So, you're already callin' him by his first name, huh? I knew they’d take to you as fast as we did.”

There was a long moment of silence before she gave a little sigh. "Yeah, um, about that…Tom asked me for drinks after we wrap tonight.”

Drinks. I knew what that meant. He was making his move on her. Already, he was making his move. He hadn't even known her six hours! And she was going for it? “You said 'yes’?” I asked.

“Of course, I did," she practically squeaked.

I got irrationally pissed off. I was losing her. I was losing her to Tom fucking Hiddleston on the day they met each other and there was nothing I could do about it. But I wasn't pissed off at her…no, all that anger was directed at Dee and Hiddleston. “No, you’re right. I've got no claim to you, no right to stop you from your life. Hell, I’ve got a wife. Look, I gotta go. Bob’s calling. Talk to you later.” I was shaking as I hung up the phone. I literally hung up on her.

I jumped up and started pacing back and forth in the living room area, trying to deal with the anger. I threw my phone at the plush back of the recliner and rubbed my hand across my face as it bounced and hit the floor. What was I going to do? Was there anything I could do? I was stuck. I could only sit back and hope the man wasn't as charming as he seemed. There had to be something wrong with him, right?

"Wishful thinking, first of all. He's a complete fuckin' gentleman, by all accounts," Jared said when I told him what soured my mood. "Besides...this could be a good thing for her! She deserves a nice guy!"

"I'm a nice guy!" I argued. "She already has a-"

"Jensen, she doesn't have a nice guy in her life that can be a public part of her life and she deserves someone who won't treat her like a dirty little secret."

I clenched my jaw and my fists. "I have never treated her like a dirty-"

"The first rule of your relationship is that I'm the only person other than your wife who can know about Y/n. That is, exactly, treating her like a dirty fucking secret." Jared shrugged. "Come on, Ackles. Don't act like you don’t know how this played out for her. I told you how it was affecting her and how much worse it could get. You're lucky, and she's lucky, that she found someone else before either of you got in too fucking deep."

I scoffed. "She's not his yet. I can still pull this out. I can still fix-"

"Jensen!" His tone snapped me out of my monologue and I looked up to catch his eyes. "Stop. Just fucking stop. She's not his yet, but she's not yours either. She put up a wall and you need to respect that shit. Call your wife and work on fixing that instead."

"Are you kidding me right now? Dee is the reason that Y/n was emotionally available for this asshole to swoop in and turn on the charm! Why would I want to fix anything with-"

"Because she's your wife and you love her and she needs to be more important than your ex-mistress, okay?" Jared patted my shoulder and walked away as I processed his words.

He was right. Jared usually is when it comes to other people's lives. But I didn’t want him to be right. I just wanted to have both of the women I loved. Is that so fucking wrong?

So I switched my flight to Atlanta. I was planning to fly out Friday night to get there for her birthday Saturday, but I needed to get there as soon as possible to mitigate the damage.

Tom Hiddleston. Why did it have to be Tom Hiddleston? Why did she have to be interested in him? All that Loki energy rolling off of him.

I spent the rest of the day pissed off. Luckily, it worked with the episode since Dean was having to deal with Jack and spent half the episode irritated. We wrapped at about 1 in the morning. I was exhausted, cold, and still pissed as I trudged toward my trailer. I was planning to call her and leave a message before I went back to the condo...but my phone rang before I could get there.

"Hey." From the heavy way she said the greeting, I could tell she was drunk. It was 4 am in Atlanta and she was drunk dialing me. "Jensen, I’m drunk.”

“I can hear that," I said as I opened the trailer and stepped up into it.

“I’m drunk and I’m alone.” Alone now or alone completely? “I didn’t go back to Tom’s hotel with him, which...he's in the Ritz, by the way...because I was left with the distinct impression that you are mad at me and I don’t want you mad at me, Jay.”

Of course she thought I was mad at her and not him. She's got the self-esteem of an abused puppy. I couldn’t let her keep thinking my issue was with her so I scratched my head and sighed. "I ain’t mad at you. I know I…” Words. What words are the right words? Why do I struggle to say the right shit to her so often? “I’m married. We aren’t dating. I knew we were temporary when we started it." Which was painful but true. "I just didn’t expect you to leave me as soon as you…left Vancouver.”

“I’m…sure it’s temporary with him, too. It fuckin’ always is. Look, I’m not going anywhere, Jay. I…I’m part of the Family now, right? Even if Tara gets killed off, I’m part of the Supernatural Family. Even if we aren’t together, I’m gonna be around. Right? You aren’t gonna cut me off just because-”

“No! God, no!" The very idea of it...never...I could never. "Come on. Don’t…look, I’m not mad at you. I just really wish I could give you what you deserve.”

“I deserve a chance with Tom. Since I can’t have you…I deserve Tom. But I deserve to be your friend, too. Please, don’t take that away from me.”

I didn't think I could watch her be with him. I couldn’t stand idle as she started a relationship with him. I knew it was going to hurt too much, but still I said, “I won’t. I’m here for you. Promise.”

“Good. I have to get some sleep so…Jay. Don’t hang up on me again. It hurt.”

I shook my head at myself. I never wanted to hurt her. “I know. I’m sorry. Hey, but I’ll see you at the Atlanta Con, right? You don’t have any shooting for this weekend, do you?”

“Yeah. Definitely. The director cleared me for that weekend before I even got here.”

“Okay, great. I’ll see you then, Baby Girl.”

“Good night, Jay.”

I bit my lip as I disconnected the call. At least that hadn't changed. She still called me 'Jay' and it still made my heart thud out an extra beat.

~~~~

Clif didn't like the idea of me going to the convention alone. I was supposed to be with Jared. I was supposed to stay guarded. But I promised him that I was just going to sneak into the green room and surprise Y/n and then I was gonna grab a drink with her back at the hotel. He insisted on coming along anyway.

I made it to the con hotel about a half hour after karaoke started and I found the green room by memory from the last time we did a con in Atlanta and from there, I had a smitten volunteer take me to the backstage area. I could hear Y/n's voice as we approached. She was singing a duet, some Meghan Trainor thing I had heard her sing in the kitchen while making dinner. But instead of her singing the male and female like she did when she was frying chicken, there was another voice coming through the speakers.

I was, for the first time, irrationally pissed off at her. She brought him to our space. Conventions were ours. Conventions were for the Family and she brought this guy she barely fucking knew into our place.

I went back to the green room and started pacing. "Can you believe that shit? She brought him to a convention! She should know better! He's not one of us! Why would she bring- isn't it bad enough that he's stolen her away?" Clif just shook his head at me and went out into the hallway. He was not shy about the fact that he was on the 'let it go' train Jared was driving. I kept pacing for a few moments before sitting down on one of the couches, seething at her and at him. Tom, who walked in as I was debating leaving the con and pretending that I’d never been there. He stopped at the door and I glared at him. I couldn’t help it.

Y/n followed him into the green room about a minute later, practically bouncing with happiness. “Hey! You were amazing! Your voice is like velvet!” she exclaimed.

He gave her an uncomfortable smile and nodded toward me before he said something I couldn’t hear. She looked over at me and gasped before rushing at me. “What are you doing here on a Friday?!”

I stood up and pulled her into a hug. It felt good to have her in my arms again but I was still pissed off so I just licked my lips and stepped back. “Well, your birthday’s tomorrow. I didn’t wanna miss out on your big two-nine. Though, I kinda feel like I may be a third wheel now that I see him. I cannot believe you invited him to a con.”

She literally rolled her eyes at me and grabbed my hand, pulling me across the room toward him. “Tom, this is Jensen. Jensen, this is Tom.”

He extended his hand for me to shake it and for a moment I almost let him hang, but the look in Y/n’s eyes told me I couldn’t really do that. If I did, I’d be spurning her. So I took his hand and tried to crush it in my own. To his credit, he didn’t show any pain. He just smiled politely and nodded. “It’s a pleasure,” he said and I forced myself to nod at him.

“Right,” I agreed, as I stepped back from him and turned my focus on Y/n. “So...how about a drink, Y/n/n? I mean, if your friend doesn’t mind.”

“I agree, a drink is a wonderful idea. Should we wait until the karaoke fun is over or-” It made me cringe that he answered for her.

“Oh, we definitely have to wait for the finale!” Y/n exclaimed. “Everyone’s gonna sing ‘Carry On My Wayward Son’! If Jensen goes out to sing with us for the finale, the audience will freak the fuck out! He’s literally never here for karaoke!”

I didn’t really feel up to it. I didn’t want anyone to know that I was there except her. “Yeah, I, uh, don’t know if that’s such a good idea, roomie. I just came early for a birthday drink with you...and after you bringing your new friend, I’m sure they’ve probably had enough excitement for one night.”

She immediately slipped into her puppy dog face. “Oh, come on, Jay! The fans will love it!”

I ran my hand down my face and shook my head. “Fuck. You sure do know how to use those eyes on me, don’t you? I...guess I can do some Kansas. But after ‘Carry On’ you and I are grabbing a drink...just the two of us,” I said, hoping she wouldn’t put up any protest. If she protested, I’d just go have a drink by myself...and I thought I was going to have to do that because she looked over her shoulder at Tom, like she was asking permission.

“It’s fine. I’m sure you two have quite a lot to talk about with your...roommate. Meet me back at my hotel afterward?”

His hotel? She was staying at his hotel?

She nodded. “I’ll text you when I’m done. Just to make sure you’re still awake.”

“I’ll put on the strong tea.” He winked at her, then kissed her cheek and left.

I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. I wasn’t sure what to say. I was so full of anger and pain. “So, you’re staying with him now?”

She shook her head. “No. I’m still at the Holiday Inn Express. I did stay at the...Ritz last night. And it looks like I might be staying there again tonight.” I was so hurt and pissed off about the very idea that she already fucked him that my stomach seemed to burn inside.

“Wow, that was fast. I mean, took me months of flirting with you before we made it to the bedroom,” I snapped. I didn’t want to make her feel bad but I was pissed. I could see the offense on her face and I felt bad about it but I was too pissed off to care much.

“Jensen, I had no fucking self esteem when I met you. I-I couldn’t even imagine that someone like you was flirting with me. But...you did and...because you showed me that I was worth the attention of a...of a god among men, I was able to see it for what it really was when Tom asked me for drinks.”

I scoffed. “Oh, so you’re saying that it’s my fault that you’re fuckin’ that guy? That...stupid...British...ginger…” I couldn’t articulate my anger. I couldn’t articulate my feelings.

She looked away but nodded. “In a bit of a roundabout way...yeah. I’m sorry, Jay. It’s just...we can’t ever be more than what we were. You’re married and you love her.”

“Yeah, of course I do, but you and I both know that my love for you didn’t start or stop at the bedroom door,” I reminded her and she looked away from me.

“But the way you love her...your love for her and your kids...it’s all-encompassing. You...can’t…” She sighed and looked away from me. “Jensen, I will always love you. Always, but...I deserve to be someone’s one and only. I would never be more than a--a distraction for your long days away from home. I deserve more than that.”

“I…” I shook my head and looked away from her. “I know. It doesn’t mean I gotta like it, though. I thought we were happy with our prior arrangement.”

“We were...until...I wasn’t.”

“Because you met him,” I accused her.

“Because I realized I wanted more,” she responded.

I was on the verge of tears, my heart breaking at the idea of her wanting more than what I could give her. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to stick around for the finale. Sorry. I’m sorry. I’m just...not into it,” I said, starting to walk away.

Her hand wrapped around my wrist and I looked back at her. “Jay, please don’t shut down.”

I couldn’t hold back my anger anymore. “What do you want from me?” I snatched my hand away from her. “If you had told me ‘no’ in January, then it could’ve been okay.” No, it wouldn’t have. It would have hurt if she told me no, but it wouldn’t have hurt like this did. “We could’ve stayed friends but after everything we’ve been through...Y/n, you’re leaving me for Loki. It’s that simple.”

“We weren’t dating, Jensen!” she whispered, furiously. “I was your sex toy. I was something for you to play with when you were away from your wife!”

“I love you and you know that!” I growled and I was a little bit louder than I should have been.

“But you can’t be with me,” she whispered...and her voice was full of so much pain...and that hurt me.

Fuck, I just wanted everything to be okay. “What if I could?” I asked, before clarifying. “What if...we were really together?”

She looked around, obviously making sure that no one was around to hear what I’d said. Obviously, I wouldn’t have said that in front of anyone. She shook her head. “You’d never leave her and I would never want you to. It’s the last thing I want to be a homewrecker and she is your home. Her and JJ and A-to-Z.” I love the way she called the twins ‘A-to-Z’ but I couldn’t appreciate it right then. “I would never want to break that up. But I deserve to be with someone I can tell my family about. I deserve to be with someone for more than just the few weekends we do conventions and the couple weeks I shoot on the show. I’m not gonna be on Supernatural forever, Jay, and what then? I deserve-”

I couldn’t hear her say anymore. “I know that! I just wish I could be what you deserve.”

She looked irritated. “If I’d met you before 10 Inch Hero...but I never would have...before…” She shook her head. “Jensen, it’s just not in the cards for us. You should find someone else because...I’m moving on.”

“I don’t want another girlfriend. I want you.”

She looked away from me and sighed. “Fuck, Jay. I’m ready for a grown-up relationship. I am ready from more than just sex.”

That. That hit me harder than anything else. “Is that what you think this was? You can’t really think that’s all you and I had.”

“We couldn’t ever be anything else!” she hissed at me and I could see that she was as hurt by the whole argument as I was but my anger and hurt wouldn’t let me empathize. “We were never going to date or-or have a relationship that I could ever tell my friends or family about. I was always going to be a secret. What we did, for the past eight months, was hide in dark corners and behind bedroom doors and I knew for the last couple months that I wasn’t ever going to get more than that. I thought it was what I wanted. I thought that was less drama and it would be a good idea because the last time I tried to have something real was when I lost everything. I lost myself in Nate but I’m better now. I’m a fuckin’ adult, Jay, and I deserve-”

“I know!” I couldn’t help but lose my temper because she was right. She was right and I didn’t want to hear it. I just wanted her. Why did that have to be so fucking hard? “I get it! I’m not giving you what you deserve! But I’m not gonna stand here and pretend to like this shit because I don’t!”

“Keep your damn voice down!” she demanded, looking around nervously. I didn’t even care if someone heard at that moment. My world was crashing down. Her eyes were sad but she was breaking up with me and there was too much happening in my heart for me to care about what some fan or one of our friends was gonna say. “Fuck, Jensen...I can’t do this. If you want to push me away...if you wanna end our friendship over this…” She got a little fire behind her eyes as she stepped up closer and looked up at me. “If you wanna act like I’m fucking wronging you by stepping away from my status as your sanctioned fuck-toy, especially when I know that your wife was not as on-board as you both made it seem...Fine,” she bit out before stomping away.

“Oh, yeah, ‘cause I’m the fuckin’ bad guy here, right?! Happy birthday, Y/n!” I shouted as she disappeared into the hallway. I punched the nearest chair but it didn’t make me feel better, so I moved to the closest wall. I was about to do some damage when Clif walked in.

“The hell do you think you’re doing? Padalecki’s the one who’s supposed to get his ass hurt.”

“I don’t wanna hear it, Clif.” He scoffed as he followed me out the back door of the green room, heading toward the parking lot.

“You’re being a dumbass,” he said as soon as we got in the SUV.

“Said I don’t wanna hear it.”

“Yeah, but you need to. Am I your friend?”

I rolled my eyes. I wasn’t in the mood for a lecture. I didn’t want to hear how I’d fucked everything up. But I didn’t have anywhere to go once he started driving to the hotel.

“Course you are.”

“And you know I’ve been watching. I’ve been around. I see things a lot of folks don’t, right?”

“Yeah.”

“She was on her way out before Danneel even met her.” I glared at him in the rearview mirror. Yeah, I just heard her say the same shit, but I didn’t want to believe it. “I could see it in her eyes after you started with the lovey-dovey bullshit. As much as she wanted you, she knew that you couldn’t give her what she needed...and you can’t.”

I shook my head. “Clif...you don’t understand.”

“I do. I watch, remember? You’re so in love. I know. But now you have to give her an opportunity to have something else.” I looked out the window as he pulled into the parking garage at the hotel and parked. “I’m not going to tell you to focus on your family or any of the crap Jared’s been telling you. I’m going to ask you: does Y/n deserve someone who can shout his feelings from the rooftops, or should she stay someone’s secret for the rest of her life?”

I didn’t have to answer. We all knew exactly what Y/n deserved.

#cassie writes stuff #spn rpf #jensen x reader #angst #tom hiddleston x reader

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steveisagay · 1 year

Text

How to fix the damage

Disabled munver

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 6.5 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9

Disabled Munver has taken over my life and I decided to write. I'm gonna do my best to do multiple parts and all of that happy bullshit.

Warnings: self-deprication, internalized homophobia, suicidal thoughts (you blink you miss it), not proof read so I have no idea what else

He couldn't even comprehend how much his life was falling apart, but he knew for sure it already did. Jason was dead one minute and waking up in the hospital the next. His girlfriend was murdered, but instead of it being the metalhead he was tracking down it was some other vessel apparently. He was in the hospital which sure sucked. But what was the worst was the fact that he was now paralyzed from the waist down. His parents told him that he was 'blessed' and how 'lucky he was to get out with such a small injury' but how was this small?

He lost everything, he couldn't play basketball, he lost a full ride scholarship, and he couldn't even go to the bathroom by himself. It did get slightly worse though, because Eddie was also in his hospital room. He wasn't visiting, his injuries were too bad for him to get off that easily, the two boys had to share the room. He would've thrown a fit about it if Eddie hadn't been so honest about the upside down and what happened to Chrissy. He also maybe was a kinda good storyteller.

His kids, well not his kids but the ones that visited, were somewhat nice. Although he had a feeling that the curly haired one didn't like him at all, and he knew for sure Lucas didn't forgive him for getting in his way. Jason could never forgive himself for all of everything that happened. It had to be his fault that it started, Chrissy started to grow distant and he should've said something but he didn't want to drive her away. Maybe it really was all his fault. Maybe he was being punished by God, for being a somewhat shitty boyfriend, for being...

That part wasn't true, he wasn't one of them. He wasn't like Eddie or, apparently, Billy. He dated Chrissy, he loved Chrissy. He'd be lying if he didn't say that Eddie was nice, and funny, and amazing with kids. Jason's parents asked him if he needed his own room but after hearing about the Upside Down and hearing how Eddie fought those bats he didn't want to leave. Eddie knew what he was doing incase something else happened and he couldn't really defend himself, you know, with his legs. Hell it'd be better if they just got ripped off, instead of him being ripped in half.

His stitches hurt like hell most days, but atleast he could still feel that area. With how stressed he was recently he didn't even know if he could, well, get off, properly. Everything always ached and himself and his parents refused to have him put on a morphine drip, so instead he was on 15 different medications. He wasn't allowed to keep any of his medicine on him while in the hospital per his therapist's request.

Jason had been going to physical therapy as well as normal therapy. His regular therapist, Dr. Linda, said that he had signs of depression, PTSD and anxiety. She also said that he should try to be less cynical. He wanted to say that she should try to be less optimistic. Most of their sessions were talking about his childhood, getting ripped in half, his (former) girlfriend, faith. Physical therapy was different though, it never helped the way he saw it. If it was really helping then he would have been able to walk by now.

The only thing that really kept him from hiding all of his pills everyday was Eddie, mostly. The only thing that kept him from clawing his skin until he couldn't anymore. He was always so bright whenever he got visitors, but Jason saw how exhausted he looked when everyone was gone. Jason and Eddie got closer than they would have ever guessed before all of this. Eddie saw Jason crying and unable to do almost anything without someone else, and Jason saw Eddie drained from a whole day of putting on a fake face.

A little while Jason's parents stopped showing up, and a little bit after that he learned that they left again. It didn't really hurt, it was just how it was, sure his parents were affectionate but that's just when they were home. His dad was a businessman and of course that was what he was supposed to be but... Nevermind it was stupid.

Jason was supposed to be sleeping, and if it wasn't for the lulling sound of Eddie's snores and the air being forced into his lungs he would've kept worrying. Jason had been worrying all of his life, but maybe he was fine getting some rest. It's not like his medication gave him any choice.

#eddie munson #jason carver #disabled munver #munver #munver fic #tigerfreak #eddie x jason #jason x eddie

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mx-piggy · 10 months

Text

Just finished season 1 of the Afterparty and I felt like writing my thoughts about it. I'd also love to chat with other people about this show, so feel free to comment, rb or DM me! Spoilers ahead!

I'm definitely going to have to rewatch it at some point (maybe after season 2 is fully out, so I can watch them back-to-back), because I want to see how everything plays out in hindsight, and see what details I can pick up on.

I started watching this show because I saw a gif from the most recent episode in season 2 ('Hannah', I think) and it looked kinda gay. That's how I started watching the Last of Us. And many other shows. I'm a lonely, desperate queer.

Overall, I really enjoyed it! I'm a fan of all the genres it combined, and I think they worked really well together. I feel like, even if you don't gel well with the comedy, the compelling mystery and characters make it worth a watch. I loved the format of having a different sort of genre in each episode, with my favourite styles being Chelsea and Yasper. And, I adore unreliable narrators.

The only episode I went into knowing the genre (or in Zoe's case, the medium) were Aniq and Zoe, but I correctly guessed that Brett was going to have an action-style 'movie', Yasper's was going to be a musical, Chelsea's was going to be a thriller kind of movie and that Maggie's was going to be kiddie-fied. Guessing the genre's not an achievement though, despite my sense of pride.

I didn't correctly guess the killer until I did my thing of reading a reader-insert fic just before the finale, and a line in there (something to do with 'keeping secrets') made me think 'oh shit'. It wasn't necessarily a spoiler, but it did make it click for me, and I noticed things in the finale leading up to the reveal, like Yasper being absent from when Aniq woke up. Before that spoiler, though, I guessed it was probably Walt, though I did suspect he was just a red herring. Part of me also had this crack theory that it'd be a 'Who Shot Mr. Burns' thing where Maggie killed him by accident (funny how they share the same name), or that she'd witnessed Xavier fall accidentally.

Speaking of which, I think the conclusion was satisfying and made sense in the way Danner explained it. I'm hoping it'll hold up on rewatch- I'm guessing it will. It made sense, and I think it's impressive for this kind of comedy show to commit to having one of their charismatic main characters being the killer, instead of copping out and make it be someone we don't really care about. Well, I cared about Yasper at the very least. I was one of my favourite characters, and I'm very sad that he's probably rotting in prison. But, I'm glad he had his moment of fame.

Since this is fiction, I'm allowed to say 'fair enough' to Yasper murdering Xavier. I think everyone at that party should have been more grateful to Yasper for getting rid of him. (/lh) Though I think it would have been hilarious if everyone was actually grateful, instead of them all celebrating that the killer had been caught. That said, even though I love Yasper and I condone what he did, it felt kinda nice for Danner's investigation to be celebrated, even though I'm not a fan of cops.

That said, I do have a small issue with the finale that is entirely personal to me and my preferences, and this could easily be fixed if I wrote an angsty fanfiction like I normally do. So, my problem is that I wish that the revelation of what Yasper did had more of an emotional impact on Aniq. I know that they haven't spoken in two years prior to that night, but they were best friends in high school, and I think it's kind of dismissive that they went straight from 'Aniq feels betrayed that his friend would do something like this' to 'now he's kissing Zoe in the car'. I know it's a comedy and it'd be weird for the season to end on such a depressing note, especially since in the end the murder isn't taken that seriously by Yasper (in a scene I sincerely enjoyed and felt kind of happy for him in). Speaking of which, I read some analysis on Yasper and the perception of success in terms of careers that was really interesting and I'll link here, so that kind of makes that scene a little sad because Yasper would rather be an infamous killer than a guy with a successful career. But, y'know it's a comedy so I'll try not to think about that or I'll be sad.

Now I'll get onto the characters, specifically the main ones. I like them all as characters. I'll only go into depth about the characters who get an episode named after them, Xavier and Walt.

Aniq is really charismatic, and I think he's a fun main character to have even if he's not the most interesting necessarily. I think it makes sense to have such a puzzle-oriented character as the main character in a murder mystery. Plus, he's a genuinely nice guy, so it makes it so you don't want to see him get sent to prison. I'm pretty sure he's the main character of season 2 as well, so I'm happy to see him return.

I really like Zoe, too! I was worried that she would just be 'the artsy, perfect love interest' that you see in teen movies, so I really liked to see her story of struggling with who she is and what she wants. It really resonated with me, and her episode was really interesting to watch. Personally, her episode reminded me a little of BoJack Horseman (the show, not the character). I don't really understand why her episode has such a harsh rating on IMDB, because I think the storytelling and use of animation to further characterise and flesh out Zoe was really effective.

I like Zoe and Aniq's relationship too, and I think that's really impressive because of how I struggle to get on board with canon relationships in rom-coms. A lot of the time, it feels like I'm watching a kid holding their Barbie and Ken dolls in either hand and repeating 'don't you think they should kiss?' But, with Aniq and Zoe, they had genuine chemistry (no pun intended) and they both work as individual characters outside of their relationship.

Yasper is one of my favourite characters in the show, probably second to a character I'll get onto in a minute. I think he's a great subversion of the 'best friend hypeman' trope, where he actually has motivations and goals outside of his best friend. I was worried that his character was going to just be the 'oblivious loudmouth best friend', and, like with Zoe, I was thankfully proven wrong. He was a delightfully complex character who did the world a service. I can't be bothered to analyse him in the detail I'd like to, so all I'll say is that I am going to spend some time tomorrow reading some angsty Yasper fics.

So, my favourite character in the show was Chelsea, and I'm honestly so in love with her it's insane. Her character was so complex and interesting, and on a personal level she was really easy to empathise with. I knew early on that she wasn't the killer, and that she was just a fucked up woman who deserved so much better in life. It made me so happy to see her making amends with Zoe, and to see how nice Yasper and Aniq were to her, because all she really needed was to escape the high schooler judgement and be afforded some compassion and kindness. And, I found it simultaneously heartbreaking and heartwarming that she was so used to the feeling of being judged and ostracised that she didn't get revenge on Xavier and wrote that apology on Aniq's hand for him drinking her cat roofies. Her arc was the most satisfying to watch for me. I'm devastated that she's only in season 1 (though I get it from a narrative standpoint). Hoping she will live on through fanfiction.

Brett was also a surprise to me, because I assumed he was just going to be a total loser who thinks he's a badass and that's it. But, I really like how he was actually a decent dad to Maggie as well. Like, sure, you shouldn't leave your kid alone in a car for a prolonged period or speed when your kid's in the car (or at all), but still. It was really sweet to see the joy on Maggie's face when her dad was living out some Fast and the Furious fantasy. And, I like how the motivation of his episode was to get the koala back. It made me giggle.

Danner was a really interesting character to watch. Again, I'm not a fan of cops, but I personally feel like her character is well-done. She's someone working against a shitty system as best she can. She'll do what's right as opposed to staying in favour with her colleagues who believe in protecting their own than pursuing true justice. I like how she's very unconventional in her approach, where she knows she'll find something relevant in seemingly unnecessary details. It makes her a really interesting investigative character. Plus, I really like Danner's personality; she's also a very charismatic character, minus the being a cop thing.

Walt wasn't my favourite character but I still liked him enough. It was kinda depressing (in a fun way, though) at times to see him be so overlooked by his peers. I thought it was funny that, in Maggie's version of events, he's a puppet who just says 'Walt'. And, I liked that he's so overlooked that his designated episode (High School) isn't named after him and we don't really get his perspective as much as we did with the other characters. It fit a lot with the outcast, background role of the character, where his own party, his own story isn't even about him. It was nice that they remembered his name in the end.

Maggie is so precious to me fr. She's such a sweet kid and I want to adopt her. Her joy is so infectious.

Now onto Xavier. As a character, Xavier was really incredible. As a person, I'm overjoyed that someone took the initiative to dispose of him. His relationship with Yasper was so interesting, and I like that we got to see his origins as a kinda dorky teenager who wants to reinvent himself and is heartbroken 'heterosexually' when his best friend wants to break up their band. So much so that he gets into a fight with the guy his best friend definitely isn't in love with. But, he fucked over my darling Chelsea and my guy Aniq. He makes shitty music. The only good thing he ever did was make Maggie's favourite movie. Overall, he is basically Jamie Tartt, if Jamie was murdered before he could become the man we all know and love today. I mean, neither of them wear shirts under their suits, and Dave Franco and Phil Dunster have some physical similarities.

I'm really looking forward to watching season 2 and to rewatching the whole show. And to reading some angsty Aniq/Yasper/Xavier fanfics. And to hopefully finding some fanart to reblog. I need to consume fan content for this show and these characters. Especially Chelsea.

#the afterparty #the afterparty spoilers #long post #the afterparty season 1 #aniq adjaye #zoe zhu #detective danner #yasper lennov #i won't bother tagging the characters who don't have surnames on wikipedia

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degloved · 6 months

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aaa fic requests open………… hoffheight love languages……… (but they dont label their relationship bc inner turmoil of being apprentices ;-;)

hello anon!! first of all this was a very delightful prompt. saw rarepairs (regardless if i ship them) are so fun to me !! hoffheight especially, i think they're slept on (by myself also, tbh.) i thought about the best approach to take so as not to make this too long, and initially decided to pick a handful, out of the five, which i thought most would be best suited to them. those being: quality time, physical touch, gift giving. this is very funny, as it still turned out to be excessively long (normally, these are 500 words—somehow i've ended up with 1600 words here.) therefore, i've decided to post it also my ao3 & the link to it, should you wanna bookmark or what have you, can be found at the bottom. i hope you enjoy! thanks for sending in a prompt, once again! p.s. i'm getting around to writing everything everyone's sent in! i just find myself a little more inclined to first jump into the prompts i know i'm gonna do without much trouble. chainshipping, while largely what i'm getting the reqs for, isn't my forte, hence the wait. but i'm trying!

-> READ ON AO3 <-

‼️SAW REQS STILL OPEN‼️

The Apprentices, despite their shared unshakable tendency to slip into petty conflicts with one another on an hourly basis, appeared to work oddly well together; like a well-oiled machine. Left-brain, right-brain, and their brawn; Lawrence's steady hand, Amanda's creativity, Mark's ability to put it all into motion.

If they were a machine, then Adam was surely the cog that didn't quite mesh with all the other moving parts. Perpetually on the fringes of the warehouse, uncertainly hovering about—passing a wrench here and a drill there—until inevitably slinking off with a sinking feeling in his stomach.

He didn't fit, and he wasn't even really sure he wanted to.

Wasn't sure whether he'd fit anywhere else, either.

He'd always moved through the world with a sense of displacement; as if something had plucked him off some distant planet and dumped him here, only to cruelly leave him to his own devices. Because Adam's life was also a fucking joke, whatever higher power lurked out there must've also seen it fit to exacerbate said feeling. If there'd ever been any hope of an eventual breakthrough—any hope he might stop listlessly flopping on dry land and find a suitable body of water to slip into—it'd sure been squandered now. With something of a bitter chuckle, Adam had the thought he might walk the length of the Amigara Fault without ever stumbling upon his own hole, too. (Well, at least that meant he was safe! Safety being, of course, a commodity these days.)

“Adam?”

The sound of his name bouncing off of the warehouse walls broke him out of that depressing little reverie he'd embarked on. Somewhere out of sight, the clanking of metal against metal; the noise was sharp and, by rights, ought to be annoying if not outright grating on the ears. Unfortunately, he'd gotten used to it. Didn't bother him half as much as it really should.

“Yeah?” he called out—though set down the camera he'd been fucking around with (hopelessly fucking broken after he'd knocked it off the table last week), letting his legs carry him to the machine Mark had been working on for the past hour. “Need help?”

“Nah,” the other man shook his head, rogue droplets of sweat flying every which way. “This should be done.”

Mark stood up on slightly shaky feet, dusting himself off. Adam supposed working for Jigsaw was as good exercise as any: his skin glistened beneath the pallid light overhead, face appropriately ruddy. (His own cheeks must've decided to take inspiration from it, flushing in tandem.)

“I was thinkin',” he continued, hands on his hips, “You've been cooped up in this dump too long. Wanna get out of here?”

Yes. Dear god, please.

But, Adam would never go down that easy. Pointedly, he adopted the same stance, accentuating the jut of one hip, and—with a scoff: “Way to treat me like y'all's dog, some fucking... charity case stray. What, we're gonna walk 'round the block so I can sniff about and take a piss? How big of you, Mark, thanks for the enrichment.”

Mark rolled his eyes, hardly the one to fall for the theatrics. (He was no Amanda.) “What's crawled up your ass tonight, then?”

“Nothing!” he huffed, “I'm just saying it how it is. Got the leash ready, then? I'm really itching to pay a visit to that fire hydrant—”

A strong hand fisted itself into the front of his shirt, tugged him up to the very tips of his toes—at which point, he was being shut up in the most cliché-but-effective way possible. Mark, ever the cavalier, let go of him with all the consideration one might let go of a garbage bag. Adam stumbled back, slightly dazed by the kiss and thrown off-balance—figuratively and literally. “Stop pouting and get dressed.”

Adam raised an eyebrow, “Something fancy?”

Mark snorted, “No.”

A bowling alley.

Adam had a hard time believing it. Out of all places in the world, a bowling alley? (What were they, sweaty seventeen-year-olds making the best out of the spare change left over from lunch that week?)

In the dimly lit space, he leaned against the worn wooden railing, eyes fixed on Mark as the other stood poised at the edge of a polished lane. His face was scrunched up with a frankly disturbing level of focus; two massive hands firmly gripped a ball, fingers knuckle-deep in its holes. With a smooth, practiced motion, Mark swung his arm back and then forward, releasing it with a precise flick of the wrist. The ball glided down the lane and—crash—it sent the pins scattering, every last one of them.

When Mark turned, pride and triumph etched into every little line of his face, Adam... was a little smitten, alright? Watching him trudge over, eclipsing the colorful lights behind him, Adam soon found himself rather crowded against that railing. “Getting a kick out of showing off?” he needled.

“Yes.”

“God, you're sooo...” Adam groaned, head thrown back. Laughing, despite himself. He felt two thick arms encircle him, peel him off the railing, press him up against a plush chest and a soft stomach.

(It was not lost on him, despite the illusion of privacy in this here corner, that they were in public. All but asking to be seen—which was far from their usual gig.)

“Sooo what?” Mark hummed, grinning.

“Shameless.”

“A little.”

“A lot.”

“The right amount,” Mark leaned down, making the most out of the situation by placing a shockingly chaste kiss to the underside of Adam's jaw, the drag of his stubble tickling just enough to chase a giggle out of him. “You like it.”

“That's a bold statement right there,” murmured Adam, letting his arms fall about Mark's shoulders; so broad, his hands didn't meet in the middle. The reminder of this man's sheer proportions, as ever, sent a little thrill through him.

“You gonna deny it?” Another kiss, a little to the left. Adam was impressed for the fact his knees hadn't yet given out. Granted, he did have supports.

“Mm, maybe,” he hummed, letting his eyes fall shut, fingers digging ever so slightly into the fabric of Mark's shirt. “Possibly. Depends.”

Mark hummed against the front of Adam's throat, the sound more so felt than heard in the way it reverberated throughout the column of his neck, thrumming along the underside of Adam's skin. On a whim, he hooked his ankle around one of Mark's legs.

“Y'know, we've still got an hour on this lane...”

“Wow,” Adam intoned dryly, “Truly didn't cheap out on me here. And you've got your priorities straight. Can't believe I'm not being mobbed by your manifold suitors every day of the week. Should probably start hitting the gym, you know, fend them off easier...”

“Lucky you're easy on the eyes,” remarked Mark, tone measured—though there was a warmth in his eyes, “'cause that mouth is doing you no favors.”

Adam cracked a smile, reveling in his turn to be a smug shit.

By this point, Adam had developed a strong sense that something wasn't right. Not to say something was wrong per se, but... Well, they'd been driving for upwards of thirty minutes now—and they still weren't home. ('Home' was used, here, very loosely.) He was quite certain it hadn't taken them even half as long to reach their very romantic destination initially. So, what gives?

In any case, Mark's hand was warm where it lay on his thigh. Very rarely did it move, only to switch gears on the odd occasion—and just as quickly, it’d return to its post. They haven't spoken much, but they didn't need to. The silence enveloping them was comfortable and cozy, like a blanket straight out of the dryer on a cold night. An oldies station played very softly, so much so Adam could hardly pick apart the words.

Frankly, he could doze off.

Out of nowhere (and perhaps it was a good thing, as his eyelids had gotten concerningly droopy), Mark spoke up. “There's uh,” he cleared his throat, “something in the back.”

Adam, too tired to needle ('There's uh, something in the back'—are you a caveman?), twisted in the passenger's seat to the best of his ability, pawing at the—true to his word—a box wrapped in brown paper. It sat just out of his reach. Took a few tries to propel it toward himself.

He looked at Mark, an eyebrow quirked.

“Well,” the other's eyes were firmly affixed to the road ahead, perhaps stubbornly so, “Open it.”

“It's for me?”

“Might be, if I don’t change my mind.”

Needing not be told twice, Adam swiftly undid the wrapping, balled it and carelessly tossed it to the floor.

Then stared, mouth agape, at that which was revealed.

A camera.

“How did you—”

“I didn't do anything,” Mark blurted out, tone on the side of defensive for some odd reason, “It was all Amanda. And Lawrence. I just did the wrapping, that's all.”

Adam couldn't tear his eyes away, turning the box this way and that (even though he couldn't really read or see much of anything, dark as it'd gotten.) A well-timed glance in Mark's direction—just as drove beneath a street-light—revealed a deep blush staining his cheeks, seemingly spreading down his neck.

Adam’s lips twitched. His throat tightened. His heart throbbed.

Softly, fondly, he said: “I can tell. It looked like shit.”

(He’d bet all his life savings—granted, there wasn't much there, but it was the thought that counted—that Amanda and Lawrence had less than nothing to do with this.)

“It did, didn't it?” Mark smiled, shoulders sagging. Perhaps with relief.

Adam set his hand atop Mark's, still sat on his thigh. Squeezed.

The silence resumed.

#saw #saw fanfic #hoffheight #adam faulkner stanheight #mark hoffman #n #fic request

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