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starzblvd · 6 months

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Hang on to Your Love

Feelings kept secret can’t stay a secret forever when other people get in the way. Fem!reader Jealous!Ellie Jackson!Ellie hint of loser!ellie purefluff CW!creep ass man makes a short appearance 5k W.C AN; Originally this was going to be a short cute story but I really wanted to give with this one, because I LOVE fall. Really sorry for being gone so long, I got a bad haircut and I swear some negative energy was clinging onto me, so it made me insane for a bit. I move on so I’m better and thriving again now though💕

Autumn was in its early days still beginning to settle into Jackson, the cooler evenings accompanied by the refreshing winds that brushed over your skin. The perfect season for a dance to be sprung onto. Flyers hung around town, you’d seen it was set outside at 7:00 a little while after the sun set four days from now. It wasn’t necessary for you to arrive with a partner for the dance, but if given the chance you already knew the perfect candidate to fill the position in mind.

Initially you wouldn’t take her to come around to these sort of events. Come to change, a few days earlier you’d coincidentally happen to over hear Ellie’s conversation with Jesse and Dina outside the Tipsy Bison. Heavy reminiscence on her last comment about the Autumn dance,

“Just because she’d be there, it won’t change anything, not interested in going. Most we’ve talked is a few passing ‘hey’s’.”

It was disheartening to hear her talk about some girl you didn’t know,

Small pieces of her life that you were able to get a glimpse of, made being around her all the less intimidating. How enamored the high skies of space Ellie was, the type of video games she’d bring back, or even the clothes she dressed in. There wasn’t much to go off of when you’ve hurt to have a complete conversation with Ellie.

Regardless Ellie was right even if it wasn’t about you, most spoken words between you weren’t much nor meaningful. If it was anyone besides Ellie you wouldn’t be mulling over so long if you should bite the bullet and ask her out. To you she was everything you’d wished for, having feelings this intense was nauseatingly tiresome. With each day that flew away sleeping on the idea of taking action to get to know Ellie, felt like opportunity slipping away just as time is. You couldn’t expect her to stay single for long, she’s dated previously what’s stopping her now?

”You and Ellie are partners this time round, good with that?”

Maria thought it’d be good to group you with a girl that knew what she was doing while doing it exceptionally well. Expect you’d hate to be such a crutch to Ellie because of the delayed training you missed out on, of sheer fear that stemmed from being sheltered too long.

”yeah, no problem.”

There wasn’t anything to have a problem with if you’d just excuse your need for Ellie. Up to this point she didn’t completely disregard your existence, small occurrences like holding out the door open made you believe she’d think of you in the slightest, enough to be polite to.

The thought of spending time with Ellie alone even with the circumstances outside of Jackson’s security was exciting to look forward to. Preselecting topics and materials to make small talk with, patrol isn’t an ideal time to get to know someone better but you’ll take what you can get in these circumstances.

⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ˚

Brightly in a red marker ink circle enclosed the date of the patrol date with Ellie on the calendar pinned above your nightstand, marked day being today. Dressing up particularly cute wouldn’t do good in terms of practicality, but you had other reasons for dressing so. You weren’t naive of the terrors waiting, lurking, outside of Jackson’s walls just as anyone else was. Your choice of outfit for today were bootcut jeans with ribbons shaped into dainty bows tied to the belt loops. A ribbed long sleeved top in a solid color of brown, the bottom of the sleeves were flared out while the rest of the shirt stayed close in a snug fit.

Maybe you had arrived earlier than settled on, surely, because Ellie was starting to become a no show. Perked up right besides the stables doorframe, facing towards the inside, counting the minutes go by. Dina’s distant voice broke the fluid count of time you’d been mentally ticking by. Anyone would’ve been able to tell she was being so quiet intentionally with her hushed tone while speaking to someone else. You weren’t meant to hear her nor the words of advice she was aiding, but you couldn’t help being a standby could you?

“She’s been waiting for you in there for a while now! Seriously, you can’t stall any longer without being suspicious.” Dina knew exactly what this was about, Ellie’s whole unwillingness to go out on patrol with you was painfully obviously.

“I know I know, but I just need a bit longer and I’ll get right to-“ hearing the detest Ellie was expressing felt disappointing in a way that made your heart ache.

“No, Ellie. Go over there already, standing over here isn’t going to change anything.”

Ellie’s sigh was louder than their entire conversation. Then the words you were hearing so clearly became tedious whispers that had you leaning closer to decipher, with no luck as to knowing which one was speaking.

They couldn’t possibly know you were listening in, right?

Calm anticipation couldn’t overcome the hurdle of sudden nervousness when footsteps became closer. Thing was, you knew Ellie’s footsteps and the approaching steps didn’t belong to her. You’d turned back to face outside though not to Ellie, but to Dina’s consoling face.

”Ellie’s caught something and she’s stuck sick at home right now,”

it was all crap, every single word. Seeming so against you that she couldn’t stand having to go on patrol with you, Ellie lied about sickness as a get a way. Standing there silently to question every short moment you’ve encountered her, trying to recount if you did or said something wrong to ward her off so strongly.

“Oh well, that’s okay. Tell her I said to get better soon.”

You didn’t mean the condolence, the small smile you responded Dina with didn’t help in hiding that fact. Especially not when Ellie was probably snug inside by now spending her new found time freely, relived of being able to opt out so suddenly. This was by far the most embarrassing stand up you’ve been able to experience, as much as you didn’t want to be affected by her flakiness it irked you just as much if not more in efforts of trying to shrug it off.

Dina nodded and excused herself first, at least she was aware how childish Ellie was handling the situation. At times like these it was so easy to be jealous of Dina, how close her bond with Ellie was. Being able to spend time with Ellie by watching movies or just having her as company were few of those reasons. Though you were never mad at her for it. More so at yourself for letting your feelings keep you from making any move.

When Dina was out of view from where you stood, you followed out feeling defeated. The marked calendar felt like such a foolish thing to do, how excited you became when you could tick off another day, getting closer to the patrol.

It was debatable if the walk back home to the mess that was an outcome of frantically scrambling to figure out your outfit, or waiting so excited like a hopeless lovesick fool was more embarrassing. Had you kept to your own business you would’ve been able to cope in ignorant bliss, unaware of Ellie’s determination to avoid you. Crushing any unfortunate leaf that happened to be in your way on the ground with heavy steps was the best you could do to express how upset this made you.

Of course she had no obligation to happily spend her time with you, but the extent of Ellie’s actions was doing more than enough to prove her dislike. Reflecting just on today, it was evident you’d have to settle for a new dance partner.

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Ellie groaned into her pillow when she heard extensive loud knocking, already knowing who it was and why it was for. You were right about Ellie being snug inside, leisurely painting on the floor beside the short coffee table, using the time she was meant to be with you to practice a hobby.

If it was possible, Ellie would have prolonged opening the door to her garage room to escape Dina going off on her. She rubbed her eyes using her thumb and index finger, this was punishment for not dealing with you today, rather she’d have to deal with Dina’s confrontational lecture. Right upon unlocking the door Dina began,

“Seriously Ellie, what’s gotten into you.” She’d allowed herself inside, taking her designated spot on the couch. Looking down onto the table, there sprawled out next to different paints in jars and a messy paint pallet was a painting Ellie was spending careful time to finish. It looked more detailed than any of her previous paintings, paint strokes still wet from recent application creating the girl on the canvas.

“Hey I dodged a bullet by doing that, I wouldn’t have been able to put in all my concentration,” now it was Ellie’s turn to be embarrassed.

Her skills were truly ones to be boasted about, but faltered the moment she was stuck partnered on patrol with a pretty girl. The girl she’s kept her eyes on from the first day of her arrival.

Of course Ellie made a distinct entry that day, made sure to not leave any detail out about your appearance or the way you’d greet others that day, including her. Describing just how sweet everything about you was, so sweet it distracted from what you told her, she’d failed to listen to the first words between you two.

Now it was acting all tough until the moment Ellie’s emotions become overwhelming, clouding both her judgment and competence. She knew exactly what she felt, but tried with everything to disregard it all because of the fear that rejection would hurt much more sourly than never confessing at all.

”Don’t start now, she looked hurt when I broke it to her that you’d called out sick.”

“Maybe she was looking forward to exploring around or something-“

“No Ellie, she was excited to see you.”

The sheer question if you looked at her back with the same feelings sent Ellie over the edge. She kicked up her foot, cracking the knuckles of her fingers one by one. How much time has passed and your relationship with Ellie hasn’t progressed at all? She’d be lucky to even call it a relationship, small talk was a hard thing since the first years of you being in Jackson.

”yeah well, you don’t know that for sure.”

Ellie slumped her back onto the bed looking up at the wooden ceiling, the position she should’ve been if she was truly sick. Dina couldn’t bother to deal with Ellie’s stubbornness when the topic was you specifically. Because she knew Ellie was almost helpless when it came to you.

Exhausted from the topic of you by how much denial and stubbornness it’d be met with, Dina propped herself up from the couch before looking over at Ellie, spitefully replying to her small attitude,

“Oh I think I know, at least come by the dance go say hi.”

Upon Dina walking out and shutting the door Ellie kept her spot, the stunt she just pulled probably set her way back in means of getting more familiar with you. Letting out a low groan again, it was hard to decide to show up. Seeing you would only have her ridden with guilt. Ellie didn’t know to believe Dina’s beliefs or not. She was hopeful, but failed to be certain.

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Staring straight forward into your own reflection in the vanity was where your mind couldn’t rest on the long debate that was if going to the dance was still a good idea. Held up in knots going over each pro and con there could’ve possibly been, you’d already spent the time perfecting the look for tonight. Only to feel hesitant, and it was all Ellie’s fault. The few days after the incident, it was completely insufferable to face or hear any news about Ellie. Each time it would only make the feelings of embarrassment mixed with bitter defeat resurface.

“She shouldn’t be showing up anyways.”

Is what got you to settle on going out with the prerogative to have a little fun, determined to not let your crushed feelings take away from a good time. After all the wait for the dance it would be a spoil of time to stay in.

Because the party was outside people were more sprawled out, making it harder to see every single person attending. High hanging warm lights were strung from building to building in a zigzag pattern, they illuminated the incoming night that was creeping up. A table took space in the middle in front of everything, each spot of the table being covered with some sort of food or drink, leaned up on it’s ledges was Jesse and Dina talking to Joel.

Joel looked rough on the exterior with the way he would carry himself, but truly was a kind type at heart. You’d only gotten a few chances to chat with him, a little less than with Ellie. He’d only remind you of Ellie with how close they are, so you set it in your mind to clearly stay away from all three of them for the rest of the night.

A few speakers were synced together playing Sades Hang on to your love, just standing there cemented lost and doe eyed would do you no good. Staying home inside the comfort of your room would have been preferable, thinking maybe it would’ve looked a bit awkward to dance alone. Maybe you could ask one of the girls there you were friends with, amidst the cloud of thought a man invitingly lent out a hand. You’d seen him around a few times, wearing dark navy jeans and a black sueded cowboy hat, you accepted thinking you had nothing to lose.

In heaven’s name, why are you walking away?

Dancing with him was purely for fun, no strings attached to you, but for him, his eyes spoke that he was in it for something. Letting his hands cling to the sleeves of your shirt, his touch was a little irritating. Already starting to regret your choice to agree to dance, more specifically with a man. You tried to disregard the slight discomfort and continued to move along with his moves to at least entertain yourself by dancing. By now, the man’s hands on your arms begun steering you right to the center of the dance floor, which essentially was just an open dirt plot right in-front a certain table.

Hang on to your love

In a few footsteps he’d successfully made it close to unbearable for you to dance along now that you’ve made it to the prime viewing spot for everyone in the surrounding crowd. Uncomfortable with both his handling and everyones eyes set on the show he was making out of this. Of course in that crowd she had to be stood against there to that table, in those jeans that were starting to scuff from continued wear and fading flannel. Using quick stolen glimpses to catch the sight of Ellie when he’d spun you round.

In heaven’s name, why do you plays these games?

It was becoming increasingly difficult to hide how distressed you were. Urgently wanting to escape only to bolt it back to your home. You were heating up because you knew by now, Ellie had been staring directly at you, visibly displaying exactly how unhappy she was with the situation. Crossed arms and legs, eyebrows dipping into a slight angry arch. Ellie was whispering something over to her right hand man, Jesse.

“Out of everyone here, why are they dance partners? It’s not like they know each other.”

“And you know that how?”

Ellie’s appearance at the dance was meant to solely be a quick passing, is what she swore to herself at least. Getting caught up in being witness to whatever you were found doing with that man had sidetracked her. Ellie knew from his stares he had intentions outside of having fun, nothing could be lead to coincidence with him especially. Ellie was aware of his reputation of going through plenty of women in short periods of time, immediately latching onto someone new after the last.

“Doesn’t matter, either way I can’t stop her.”

“How about getting over there and steal her back, or are you still hung up?”

Take your time if the going gets rough

The grip he had on you got tighter, he tried pressing his body further to yours by making a his hand placement lower to your hips. Every move he continued to act on making you all the more irritated. None of this is what you wanted, and Ellie’s stare only added fuel to fire. She didn’t want to go out on patrol together with you the previous day, why is she out of all people dishing out the judgmental looks?

so if you want it to get stronger you’d better no let go

“Your guess is as good as mine, I just can’t, be near her like that.”

For every thing Ellie wished she could do and say, is another longing stare of hers that graced you. Blaming the fear to approach you on the nausea effect that didn’t budge no matter what you tended to have on her.

“you’re not getting anywhere staring all crazy at her.”

Eventually the man had noticed how absent minded from the situation you were in, with your eyes glued straight past him clasped in his arms. Speaking up for the first time, some sparse voice pulled you back into the moment.

“Who’s got you distracted huh?”

hold tight, don’t fight

“Nothing, I was just zoning out a bit.”

He didn’t buy it, he reclined his torso back and away, allowing for an easier spin on his heel to see who had you so entranced just now.

”Oh come on not that dyke that came from wherever with her old man.”

Instantly he let go away, recoiling away immediately. His face had contorted into a disgusted expression directed at the both of you, Ellie for knowing and being Ellie and you for simply looking at Ellie.

“Men can’t get no breaks in this world.” A thick mouthful of saliva was spat onto the dirt next to your feet leaving from the center having you deserted there alone. A few surrounding people looked shocked looked at what had unraveled there while others looked away.

Hang on to your love

Ellie stayed put in her same spot, deciding it was better now or never to take your chances. Possessing feelings that felt too similar to love, only to hush and silence them away each night wasn’t getting any easier. Ellie’s eyes darted away the moment she saw you beginning to walk right over to her.

in heaven’s name, why are you walking away?

”Why didn’t you show up to patrol with me that day? I know you weren’t sick so don’t even use that excuse.”

Confrontation wasn’t your usual way of dealing with things, but the time spent conflicted as to feel about Ellie wore on you. One day you were swearing there was a chance for things to be mutual, only to change your mind the next.

“I don’t know where you’re getting at because I was sick.” To Ellie it was clear now that you heard everything she told Dina outside the stable.

“I heard you outside whispering you know, honestly Ellie what do you have against me?”

“Nothing! Look I did ask for her to cover for me, but it’s only cause I had something to do at home.” She slid her thumbs to hang out from the front pockets changing her stance to loosen.

”what we’re you so busy with?” You didn’t mean to come off as stern as you did, from then on Ellie started to sound less confident with each word that would come out her mouth.

”Something back in my room, it’s noth-“

“Let’s go see it then.”

Right then you start walking straight to her room, picking up your pace when Ellie called out your name behind you. You knew where she stayed at, catching her with Dina and Jesse walking in and out of the small shed that sat off to the left of the main house on a few occasions. Initially she didn’t believe you were serious, so she waited a while longer before starting to walk as well. Ellie caught up quickly but you were faster, sprinting closer to the door illuminated by the hanging light besides it.

Once you’d got ahold of the doorknob it easily opened to your luck, it was typical in Jackson to leave doors open because how people trusted one another as a community. Immediately you slammed the door shut upon putting two steps inside to Ellie’s room. With a quick click it had been locked to make sure she stayed out while you got to the bottom of this.

On the other side Ellie banged on the door with her whole palm repeatedly,

“Hey get the hell out!”

“I’m trying to see what was so important you had to ditch me and not tell me anything about it.”

”I’m sorry okay? I promise next time I won’t run out on you like that.”

She was basically pleading by now aware that you had the upper hand, you had every power to leisurely look through her whole life that was stored in her room. Standing there felt childish now that you’d caught your breath leaving you time to reflect what happened and what you did. Ellie ran over to the side of the shed to where the windows were, she put her hands up to the glass scanning the room for you,

“if you let me in now I’ll show you, I swear.”

She sounded sincere in her soft tone, rummaging Ellies room wouldn’t be right regardless how upset you were so you nodded and unlocked the door for her. Moving aside to give her space to walk in. Mumbling getting through she spoke again,

“Let me go grab it, it’s over by the coffee table.”

Now that everything calmed you could properly look around to see how Ellie’s room looked. The type of posters hung from the walls, above an unmade bed a cork board pinned photos of her friends and drawings adorned it. It was a little confusing why Ellie wasn’t mad or screaming for you to get out. It was pretty quiet in the small room, only a small faint strain of music from the party was keeping it from dead silence. The air was thick, closing in on the both of you.

“I would’ve showed you it if you asked without having to lock me out you know.” Ellie was still turned away from you, holding onto a medium sized board that she picked up from the rug. A few paintbrushes were drying on a towel next to the glass jar of murky grey water.

“No you wouldn’t,” lightheartedly you laughed trying to ease your nerves that arose from being alone with her away from anyone else.

“yeah,” returning a small laugh she turned to you, time felt slow in this moment as if everything itself was prolonged outside the rules of time with Ellie’s footsteps slowly approaching. Her laughter alleviated some of the tension the air carried.

Ellie didn’t say anything at first, she let you see what turned out to be canvas with you painted sitting down reading a book, propping your head up with your left arm on your knee with the book tucked into your lap. Never would have you guessed Ellie taken long enough to look at you long enough to get the amount of details she’d painted so perfectly. That’s exactly what you’d describe the painting her hands created, perfect.

“Ellie..” Lost in the soft colors that were painted into you, you were for certain on how you felt about Ellie.

With lack of response she was quick to defensively speak up, “You just looked like a good reference, I wasn’t trying to be creepy or anything-“

“it’s beautiful,”

You were unsure what to say or even do, Ellie stood there looking back at you under your jurisdiction continuing to wait on you. She’d hate to admit what she was so scared about your reaction or rejection, because it was only then that the feelings would sink to only decay inside the pit of her stomach to linger. “Thanks,” Ellie’s composure was gone, visible by how nervous her smile looked. Considering how she took the effort to paint you, it was time to do something that had been long overdue. Putting down the painting to lean on itself against the wall freeing your hands, you find them a new place on Ellie’s shoulders. Slightly towering above you with her height, being able to see her up close in such a tender hold felt like a sweet of blessing.

”When I saw you for the first time I knew it was going to be you, and it has been since then.”

Ellie’s eyebrows cinched together in confusion unaware of the weight your words held.

”it’s been only you, nobody else has ever came close, because I like you the most.”

Ellies lips gapped open ready to let out to spill her unspoken words upon fully processing what you meant. She had wished to tell you that accumulated over time, except they only came out in silence.

Hearing your confession to her, was her own sweetest blessing. Instead of staying silent any longer Ellie let her actions talk for her, plunging right into a kiss. The muscles in her lips kneaded at your own desperately like to makeup for every kiss that was missed in the time that you could’ve spent together before today. Each passing day she could’ve only yearned to feel you as intimately as tonight. This was felt in the way she was making out with you now.

Leaning further into the kisses to savor the taste and smell you carried, and sure enough you were the same way, pushing further into her too. A strand of hair slipping out from the ear Ellie tucked behind tickled the side of your face.

Gasping for air after the both of you’d succumb to shortness of breath. Ellie’s lips were a softer shade of pink from the circulating blood by how much pressure she had used to press onto your lips. Before you could Interject again she plunged back into you, this time her trembling hands cupping the plush of your cheeks, which then stabilized themselves on you. you didn’t resist Ellie’s lips, rather you moved at the same rate. Her left hands fingertips slightly callused by the guitar Joel had gifted. Each kiss was passionate, becoming more sloppier and quicker paced than the last one.

Nothing else mattered here against the warmth that radiated from Ellie, her pulsing heartbeat was felt by your own chest. Through flesh and bone, you could’ve sworn your hearts could feel the love you both shared for each other. You knew perfectly in your mind that this was meant to be, and Ellie had loved you ever since you fell too.

Ellie gently pulled away to whisper in that hoarse soft voice, “This better than dancing with him?”

She sounded so tantalizing, having you in her hands all to herself. No one would ever be able to have you the way Ellie did, and for that she felt prouder than ever. The doubt for any connection that could’ve been there in the days and years prior to today, was overcast by Ellie’s pure bliss right now.

You smiled while pressing foreheads together, letting the air from Ellie’s breathing fall onto your face. Chests falling up and down in a few seconds of quietness before replying, “Better than you could ever know.”

“Oh I think I do know,” squeezing you tighter followed smaller frantic kisses below your eyes, between your eyebrows, and cheek. You reflected her actions onto each bronze or dark brown freckle Ellie had scattered across her face.

Finishing, Ellie pulled you to walk to her bed by her hands connected behind your neck, bringing you down top of her on the spring mattress. Cheeks lifting up to reveal smile lines that you managed to bring out so easily. You held yourself up by your forearms with Ellie sandwiched in between. A warm lit lamp and the small slips of light from the dance in the distance outside were the only forms of light source in the room. Night had casted over the sky, and the moon coating the world below in moonlight. Once a few seconds passed of enjoying the others presence by staring at each and every feature as to memorize them forever like a keepsake, Ellie cleared her throat to speak up.

”I want to be with you, properly this time I mean,” Ellie gazed right into your eyes endearingly beneath you. Her proper confession was in a form of a question you’ve been waiting on so eagerly for so long.

“I’d love that.”

Placing a small peck right on the tip of her nose, you laid down on her, letting your head fall to her heart. This moment would be the mark of something new, a new chapter in your lives. Not another person or soul could take this away from either of you, love continuing to grow deeper into your hearts.

#ellie williams fanfiction #ellie williams fluff #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x you #ellie x fem reader #ellie tlou2 #ellie williams #ellie x you #ellie fluff #ellie the last of us #ellie x reader #tlou part 2

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tarotwithlove · 11 months

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pick a card ⋆ why are you currently single?

reminder that this is a general reading and messages found here may not apply to everyone. take what resonates, leave what doesn't, and don't force anything if it does not fit.

BOOK A READING WITH ME · TWITTER · YOUTUBE · PATREON · TIPS ♡ tips and feedback are highly appreciated

GROUP ONE

cards pulled: wheel of fortune, knight of swords, knight of wands, eight of pentacles, the world, four of swords.

my dear group one ♡ i feel as if, for many you, the question about why you’re currently single is one you ask simply out of courtesy. the nature of your singleness is something you have long since come to understand and find peace within, and to ask about it is out of passing wonder that maybe the cards will tell you something different from what you already know.

you and i both know that you are currently single so as to ensure you reach your goals without distraction. when you love, you love all consumingly, and so to juggle the demands of your personal and professional lives with the demands of a relationship would have left you unsatisfied. you would have been pushed to make certain sacrifices, and when it came down to it, the biggest sacrifice would have had to be your heart.

so instead of empty pain, or meaningless talking stages, or love that only stalls your success instead of making it more and more possible, the divine has kept it such that love does not find you until you are absolutely ready for it. for now, your main focus is yourself and your career. allow yourself to put all your energy into reaching your goals—as you already have been.

your efforts will not be wasted. the relationship and love you desire will come to you at the perfect time.

GROUP TWO

cards pulled: three of wands, page of pentacles, the hierophant, knight of swords, six of swords.

my dear group two ♡ you seem to be lying to yourself about why exactly you are single at the moment, looking for any answer that isn’t the one you know in your heart to be true. you are currently single because you are too far away from the only person you can imagine yourself being in a committed relationship with.

they are the only person who holds space in your heart. and though you may tell yourself again and again that you just aren’t ready for a relationship, you find yourself pushing people away because you can neither commit to someone who is such a distance from you nor can you commit to anyone who just is not them.

this is someone you once contemplated building a life with—someone who you once thought of marrying and exploring all of life’s greatest adventures and mysteries beside—and now that they are no longer in your life, you find yourself unable to move on in the way that you claim to want.

you say you want to be with someone new, you tell yourself you have put this person behind you, but when a potentially meaningful connection comes into your life you find yourself pushing it away. you do this over and over and over again and still wondering why you’re single.

GROUP THREE

cards pulled: nine of cups, the star, knight of wands, eight of cups, king of cups (rx)

my dear group three ♡ much like the case with our dear fire signs, the hand that divine intervention plays in your case is greater than can be easily explained or seen by the human eye. you are on a journey of self-discovery and transformation. you are growing into yourself and who you should be, in every aspect of your life. it is a journey that you can only do by having ample time to devote to yourself, something which i feel you already know.

many of you are healing from a past connection—one that consumed you both heart and soul and left you not knowing yourself on most days. this connection haunted you and drained you and left you more confused than anything, but now that you are free of it you are free to be whoever you want to be. and you have to see that you can be anyone. do anything. it is as if you have been snapped out of a daze, and have come to understand your own limitless potential.

and, my dear, you cannot jump from one all-consuming connection into another all-consuming connection, and that is why a relationship is eluding you at the moment. and why the relationship you desire may elude you as continue to work towards your goals—whatever these goals may be.

for now, make yourself a priority, instead of relying on anyone else to make you theirs. the more you focus on yourself, the more you believe in your ability to achieve your goals and make your dreams a reality, the more you will come into alignment with the love that is waiting for you. but that is for the future, not the now in which you are living.

GROUP FOUR

cards pulled: the world, knight of swords, the magician, four of cups, ten of cups.

my dear group four ♡ before i could even begin your reading, the phrase “strange man in a strange land” came to mind. you are currently far from home, working hard towards your goals even though you are currently alone without some or many of the friends with whom you once started this journey. or with whom you once planned to start this journey.

you may find it difficult to connect with other people in this place—because of the environment or because you are currently quite strapped for cash at the moment and cannot meet other people on the same level. you feel a bit like an outsider, unsure of the right things to do and the right person to be now that so much has changed and so much has stayed the same.

you are still finding your feet, and all is well and good with that. but you are also not allowing yourself to be pushed anywhere out of your comfort zone. you miss the comfort of old friends and old lovers and yet do not seek healing or closure. you wonder why you are lonely and yet hole yourself up in an office or library. you wish you weren’t single and yet run away from connections as soon as they are offered to you, or as soon as they start to seem real.

you are yearning for something you can neither name nor are brave enough to go after.

#**#pick a card #pick a pile #pick a picture #pick an image #pac #tarot #daily tarot #channeled message #channelled message #tarotblr #tarotcommunity

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 6 months

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WIBTA for kicking someone out of my D&D campaign for reasons not entirely related to the game?

This is long but the context is important I swear.

About a year ago, I (30X) tried to assemble a D&D group with my coworkers. After a whole lot of fucking around, the guy who was going to DM moving across the country, and a bunch of people quitting or getting fired, it ended up being me as the DM, my brother, a few other people who I met through a different campaign, and one guy who used to work with me.

This guy, J (23M), had a lot of personal problems when he worked for us, most of which contributed to him being let go. He had a lot of family issues that led to him missing a lot of work (and I mean A Lot. We have a Very good PTO system for the US that basically amounts to accruing one day off for every 50 hours you work, earning more the longer you stay with the company, and more allowance for attendance infractions than any company I've ever heard of in the states). He also had a lot of interpersonal issues with some of the employees, one in particular, K (21F), with whom he had some kind of situationship. I try not to get involved in work drama, so I don't know all the details.

J also has issues with money, transportation, and depression/suicidal tendencies. I'm not judging him for any of those, as I have experience with them as well, but he has been leaning on me pretty heavily around every time we hang out to play D&D. I would cover his 120$+ Uber rides home, which he would sometimes pay me back but sometimes not (if I couldn't afford it once a month, I wouldn't do it, but he insists he's going to pay me back; since he has lost yet another job I am not expecting it at all and don't hold it against him really, but I do think it's kind of shitty to insist you're going to when you clearly won't be able to), pay for his food, work with my family members to get him home, and let him crash at my house to avoid ordering an Uber. He also messaged me when he was feeling suicidal - bad enough to be institutionalized after I sent him the number for the suicide hotline. Again, no judgement, but it made me uncomfortable because I struggle with the same things. He seemed bothered that I told him I wasn't able to talk him through it, but that may have just been the crisis talking.

After all that, we come to a game session that involves more than just navigating dangerous spaces and fighting off wild animals. The rest of the party does fine, but J really botches the social interaction part, despite everyone telling him what he's doing is a bad idea and me doing my best as a DM to communicate that he should change tactics. He does not change tactics and instead doubles down and goes full murderhobo, which is not the kind of player I'm interested in playing with, something I thought J understood from previous conversations.

My original plan was to say something to the table at our next session about removing themselves from the game if the themes weren't something they were interested in engaging with, but then I get some additional info today about J and K.

Apparently J has been incredibly possessive towards K - someone who, again, he was not dating in any meaningful capacity - for weeks or months, to the point that she has blocked him on social media off and on. And then this past week, J has sent her screenshots of her location, contacted her ex who she still lives with for logistical reasons, made him upset to the point that K thought he was going to kick her out of his apartment, and harassed K's brother to try to get her to talk to him again. K is seriously considering taking out a restraining order against him at this point. J has also been updating his social media to imply that he is going to kill himself.

To say this behavior raises some red flags is an understatement. Clearly J needs help, but as a regular guy, that's really not something I'm able to provide beyond sending mental health hotlines, and I don't feel comfortable being his support system in the way he obviously needs.

All that said, I feel like I might be an asshole for kicking him out of the campaign full stop, because he's been really excited to play this whole time. But the combination of all this really worrisome, potentially dangerous behavior and the mundane reality of him just being a really annoying player kind of has me at my wits end, so, WIBTA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

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laurfilijames · 3 months

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All week I told myself that on Sunday, I was going to write all day.

I opened my laptop up for the first time in two weeks. I haven't written a word since I finished editing Expensive and tried for over an hour to work on my series Like My Dreams.

I thought about it all week and have been so eager to continue it, only the words won't come.

I know it's not for lack of passion or wanting to; I think about this story (and all the other ones) constantly.

I've been trying to deny some feelings for a while, or chalk it up to getting too much in my own head, but today it's come down heavier than ever and what is ultimately responsible for blocking my creativity and turning my love for my stories from thoughts into actual sentences.

I'm lonely.

I've never felt so alone.

The Charlie fandom seems to be relatively non existent, or just extremely quiet.

I have no space. No where I fit in.

I'm on the outskirts, trying to find a spot, constantly seeing if there is a way I can have a place for my ideas, stories, and even friendship, and have it hold some value to the others I'm around.

The more I post on here, the less I feel seen.

Engagement on this platform has reduced drastically across the board, and it's effecting so many artists.

It's not about numbers. I'm sure some of you are probably thinking "your last fic has over 100 notes". Yeah. It does. Almost all of those notes are likes, and more than half the reblogs are my own.

What I'm seeking is engagement. Conversation. A likeness and kinship started by a common interest that blooms into simple conversations and thoughts shared.

Comparison is a bitch. I see so many people living the Tumblr life I wish to have. Asks, comments, reblogs of teasers and moodboards for upcoming fics screaming of excitement and praise and how eager they are to read it. People dropping everything they're doing to read the latest chapter of their friend's new fic.

I realize the many reasons why I'm in a different position than they are, but lately it's been screaming at me louder than ever that I'm lacking something meaningful or whatever I'm doing on here isn't enough.

I've tried creating a buzz around my stories. I am aware that most of the time I write for unpopular characters with a smaller fan base, so I set the bar lower but am still left feeling inadequate even when I write for the popular ones. Whenever I've shared snippets of WIPs in hopes to gain some excitement from my readers, it falls short. Usually it'll inspire me to keep going, to write better than ever and make this next fic The Best One that makes me so happy and excited to get out. (For Charlie, I'll say, and write something I'm so unbelievably proud of) and then sometimes it makes me wonder if I should bother continuing at all.

I know I am not owed anything by anyone and no one is obligated to read or comment or anything of the sort, and I am beyond grateful for the comments and support I do receive, and the friendships I've made, old and new.

I'm not exactly sure what I'm getting at here, I just needed to write it down and "talk" it out.

I've been battling the decision to continue writing but not share it. I don't want that to happen, because as much as I write these stories for myself, a lot of the fun of it comes from being able to share it with all of you.

Nothing dramatic is happening. I'm not leaving, and I will be writing again because I'm not at all done with what I have to say about these characters, I just felt this needed to be said and already feel a little lighter by sharing it.

Write your stories, comment on your favourite fics, scream with your mutuals about a photo or gif that inspired something in you, tell your writer friends and writers you've never spoken to but love their stories just how much you do... I promise it makes more of an impact than you know. 💗

#personal

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pop-punklouis · 2 years

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Lunch with Louis experience + LONGER SONG DETAILS:

Hiiiii. Okay, I’m sitting at the airport at 5 AM. Just dropped my friend off, so i’m ready to write up the experience and have it queued to post later while i’m sleeping for eternity ✨

My friend and I got there early, and we met up with a few of the fans that i was in a group chat with for the lunch. it ended up being such a wonderful experience, because a few of us just rallied around each other and made it feel like such a safe and encouraging space— especially for fans who were more anxious. One of them won and came from south america and she was the sweetest, but she was incredibly nervous so we tried to support her as best we could to take her nerves away. but the love that radiated from our group was some of the best energy i’ve been around in a fan setting in a long time, and it definitely made the experience even more meaningful and fun.

anyways! when we got in, so much of the staff were louies. the hostess, the photographer, and a few of the waitresses were fans, and one of them had on a really cool louis-inspired cardigan. her and i gushed over each other’s jackets before our group made it upstairs. we all got to sit at tables and order whatever food and drink we wanted, and our group was able to all sit together. i ordered a vodka cran, because i was sweating it friends. i needed the liquid courage because it was setting in that all of this was actually happening. so, we were all sipping on our drinks and holding hands and playing off each other’s energy. i had the privilege to sit in the perfect sight of the back door (a sliver of view in between the banner they put up to cover the lounge that louis and his team were inevitably going to occupy), so i was able to keep a look out and see when he actually arrived. we also had passed this napkin around the entire room with people speculating what he was going to wear, and it was funny because the radio interviewer mentioned it once the show started, and louis thought it was funny and called the room out on it.

so, when it finally started, and he came out from behind the banner… it was surreal because he was just. right there ya know? and he looked great in his tommy hilfiger long-sleeve. he looked so soft and sleepy 🤧 but knowing he was THERE? was a lot to take in. i was surprised with how well Gino (the radio DJ) did with interviewing louis. he asked some great questions that louis was super engaged with, and they recorded it so i’m hoping they post that and the fan Q&A soon. after the interview is when he hopped back to the lounge and we went straight into the listening party which was. pure insanity. from the very moment written all over your face came through the speakers, i got up and took a couple of my friends with me and started dancing. then the rest of our group from the right two tables quickly followed and our group was just dancing and grooving. our reactions together were so fun and warm. i wish the whole room got up, but it was just us unfortunately. being able to experience new louis music with fans who adore louis and are that excited for his upcoming album was incredible. it was an experience and a memory i’ll take with me for a long time (it also helped loosen up all of our nerves which was nice). both krystle and oli were looking over at us from the lounge and had the biggest smiles on their faces ✨ and the station took so many snapshots of us dancing so i’m also hoping they post those soon.

*longer details about the songs*

Written all over your face: a mixture between grunge-rock and pop-punk. the guitars were absolutely insane. such a fast heat, and it hits you immediately from the moment it starts. it has such a sass punk edge to its chorus, and that’s what made me headbang so hard that both of my earrings came out lol. you guys are not ready for this song in particular. she's the main character of this era 1000% pop punk princess! it has a rowdy-rough energy offering a pop-rocks-like sizzle. it’s difficult not to imagine the absolute charge this song will have in a live setting. an anthemic track that rattles about with such an air of confidence both in sound and in vocal tone. for anyone who listens to the maine, this song 1000% feels like it could fit perfectly into their American Candy album era. that’s the best description i can give.

face the music: the heat only grows as we slip into this song. as i said yesterday, this one was heavily influenced by the early pop-punk, alt-rock scenes. it’s a much more condensed and slicker version of written all over your face. while WAOYF is rough and jagged, this song is tighter in production. the bridge is such a shining moment in this song. it has infectious chants that settle into bands such as reliant k, jimmy eat world, all-american rejects, the nothing personal era of all time low, and even english bands such as blur. the “WHOA WHOA WHOAs” that build right before the last chorus had us all absolutely barking and racing around each other to build up energy.

saturdays: from the moment this one came on, we just did a little group huddle and swayed together throughout its runtime. it’s definitely a sadder track. as i mentioned yesterday, it’s one of the best if not the best ballad he’s ever written. it has a very laidback feel. his vocals and harmonies with himself shine bright throughout this song. the bridge of the saturdays has such a soaring quality to it, and i wish i could understand or pay attention to more lyrics throughout the whole listening portion but we were having so much fun just living in the moment of it all. the only one i remember vividly from this one is: “saturdays used to take the pain away” which ends the chorus. it’s melancholic and nostalgic. i think this song transcends its surface meaning once you really get into the meat of it, and it could be about so many things both externally and internally. excited to hear how everyone interprets the song.

all this time: another laidback tune, but it has such a resistive melodic undertaking. fuzzy synths, mellow charm, wavier feel. it has the influence of 2015 tame impala, and it just feels right to listen to it on a night drive, wind whipping through your air, friends in the passenger seats singing along. it has a very ambient, chill wave foundation. definitely one of the tracks louis talked about implemented more dance-like elements to. and it fits perfectly in that indie-electronica arena.

when it comes to the departure from walls, FITF so far feels more deconstructed. it isn’t slick. it isn’t perfectly packaged. the colors are meant to bleed, the scissor lines purposefully jagged, and the lyrics raw. it doesn’t stand out for its polished appeal like walls does. it stands out for being everything opposite— everything red hot and haphazard and gritty. it’s louis musical mind and influences all packed into the four songs we got to listen to, and if this is just a taste of the record…. i cannot imagine what it feels like to listen to in whole.

(gonna try and make the rest of this quick) so! afterwards, we all sat back down and louis came back out and the fan questions began. the DJ had us write down our questions and then give them to him so he could shuffle through and pick some of the best to ask. i wrote mine the night before so i just gave him my sheet of ten questions djfjfkfk but the very moment they sat down to do the Q&A, the DJ goes “okay so the very first question comes from Hope.” and he looked for me, so i stood up and pointed at myself, and they both looked over. then he continues, “and she has to be like an investigative journalist or something because she wrote down a whole list of questions” and i said “i’m a music journalist gino!!!!” which made both of them laugh.

but the moment louis saw me he immediately was like “i LOVE your jacket” and i got so excited i twirled around real fast to show the back and he giggled and said “oh you’re doing a twirl for me.” but the thing about the jacket is that i wasn’t right at the very front of the tables, so there was no way he could see it to even know it was inspired by him/his album. i’m assuming someone from his team had to have walked by while we were dancing or listening to the first interview and saw it (because both matt and oli walked around a little bit during that time), and then told him about it (or maybe he peered out from where the lounge was and saw) because there truly was no way??? which is just 🤧 anyways, when he heard i was a music journalist, he turned his chair and attention straight towards me and raised his eyebrows. he was all like “oh really?? that’s awesome wow hi there” and then gino asked one of my questions (which was “what was the first song you wrote for the new album” and he said it was a great Q and he went into the details but ultimately stated it was probably chicago) but after he answered, he looked intently again at me and said “all the luck with music journalism really hoping for the best for you on that path” (or something like that) with such a wide smile and i wanted to just die on the spot because???? 🥹 i cant remember his exact thoughts with everyone’s questions but they were all really good, so i hope they recorded that part and it gets posted soon.

then for the m&g portion ✨👐🏼 we went up in pairs, so both my friend alex and i went up together (she was my +1), and they were like “okay everyone needs to hurry to keep this rolling” and we both just. ignored them LMFAO and had our individual moments with louis. i went straight in for the hug the moment we locked orbs, and he hugged so tightly. he smelled like cashmere and vanilla, and i think the only reason i smelled a bit of stale cigarette smoke is because my head was in the crook of his neck when we hugged since my arms wrapped around his neck. and for everyone who stated how much of a calming presence he was :( it’s definitely true. i felt so calm even coming up to him. but! i immediately was like “i’m going to try and make this quick, but i have something i need to tell you” and so that’s where in my photos you see him start intensely engaging with me as i’m speaking. basically what i said was: “back in 2020 when walls came out, i was feeling super uninspired and burnt out as a writer. but when i was able to listen and review your album, it helped me fall back in love with writing about music again so i wanted to thank you for creating an album that brought back that purpose for me” and he looked so thoughtful and appreciative. he said: “Oh really? Whoa, that’s— that means so much to me to hear my album helped you find your love for music writing again.” and then i went on to say: “when the review was posted, it got such an overwhelming response for my independent publication that it helped us pay our staff consistently for the first time ever which is still part of the reason we can pay our staff the way we do 3 years later. so wanted to thank you in person for creating music that helped me as a writer and helped one of the last truly independent music sites stay kicking” and he was just. like he truly was 🧿🧿 but with 🥺 and that’s where in my last photo you see him touch his chest and state how much that meant to him, how it moved him, and he was so happy to be told that. then he and alex had a great interaction because she brought him an atlanta football jersey which he went bananas over and he loved it and her. so we just had such a great time ❤️‍🩹 so then i asked if i could hug him while we took our photo and he said “sure love go for it” which 🫶🏼🥲

but then it was over, and we all left and sat on the ground and had a little crying moment together as a community over meeting louis and hugging louis lmao like after-experience processing was a wild time. our group then went to go eat and gush about it all together, and it was just such a loving and unforgettable experience. from him to the fans i became closer with…. i couldn’t have asked for a better day like yesterday was genuinely one of the best if not the best days of my life, and i’m going to try and ride this high for the rest of the year. because so much shit has happened this year that has made things unbearable, but yesterday felt like the universe was giving me a warm but tight hug and i cannot ever thank her enough for the opportunity ✨💕

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xxhappy-chickenxx · 3 months

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in a follow up to my reblog from @jynxed13, i wanted to share Thoughts on the situation and essentially back up why i left and would encourage others to stay away. disclaimer is that i'm white!! so i wasn't directly impacted by the racism but as a human being who contains the ability to be empathetic it got to a point where it became abundantly clear that there would be no meaningful change.

i want to start w the fact that the channel where all discussions of the original racist incident plus the mod follow ups plus a lot of racist nonsense were all purged yesterday, so unless you were there for it and actively following along there's no "proof." i can say that a mod was racist to a server member and abused their power, and that select other mods were content to let that remain private knowledge and let the mod gracefully 'step down,' but again, you'd have to take my word and the word of BIPOC server members. idk how far that goes on the internet when nobody knows me but at least it's out there.

what is especially distressing to me is that to anyone new to the space, or to anyone who was happy with the dysfunctional way things were, it looks like nothing is amiss! it’s a very strange feeling that i haven’t encountered before, because in physical spaces, there’s a certain level of accountability you can hold people to (or maybe I’m naive and inexperienced, or have been lucky to exist in spaces where that’s the case). erasing it doesn’t change the fact that it’s wrong, and deleting messages or banning members w/out warning (which also happened yesterday) doesn’t erase the past or how people feel. the longer the server continues to delude itself that that is the case, the more their community will fester.

i'm sure they're thrilled! anyone who stood up to them is out! doesn't seem like they'll face any consequences for it, but that's for the universe to decide.

i want to appreciate the time, labor and energy of the people who have been harmed and acknowledge the hurt this has caused and the absolute shitshow it's been. none of it was deserved (and again, that doesn't come from a place of dick riding, it comes from basic decency, but anyway) and all i can really say is if your approach to fandom isn't decolonized, i'm not interested ✨

#kinnporsche the series #kinnporsche #vegaspete #kinnporsche fandom

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tomatocages · 2 months

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sdgjkal idk if this is the type of meta you'd want to write but I admire so much how knowledgeable you are about GROWING STUFF and about BAKING and I love the fandom's penchant for giving Shiro post-war hobbies to keep the PTSD goblins at bay so like, aside from strictly building headcanon situations i would love to hear your thoughts on his hobbies as META, like, thematically speaking, what will heal, how does he approach it, how does it relate to creativity and growth !!!!!!!!!!

I have been ruminating on this a lot and I hope my answer is something that actually answers your question! it's at the very least the start of a conversation. I give Shiro the same hobbies that I have, in many ways - fiber arts and baking and gardening - because these are the things that I use to hold on to living in a physical world, sometimes by the skin of my teeth. by my fingernails. It's hard to have a body and to be a person, and I always have the haunting sense that Shiro struggles with that in the wake of the war: in the wake of being a prisoner, who had to fight to survive; in the wake of having died and been caught inside the astral plane, becoming a ghost to himself and to others. I don't actually relate to Shiro very much, which is funny because in many ways I think I have a similar approach to responsibility that his character demonstrates (slightly resentful, but determined to do as good a job as he can, given the circumstances, even if that job is sometimes done poorly). The reason I grow a garden, or knit, or bake croissants, is because going through the motions is ultimately convincing to me. I am convinced that this action holds weight. The hat I knit for someone is a commitment I have made to keep them warm, the quilt I sewed when my nephew was born as a way of saying that I wanted to welcome him into a world that was more terrifying than not. These things take the burden of living off my shoulders and grant me some small measure of satisfaction, and I hope that in my writing I'm able to convey that Shiro is open to and deserving of this kind of satisfaction. That he is willing to put in the work that will help him survive and thrive. It's not a sense of ambition, exactly - I get the sense that pre-Kerberos, Shiro was very ambitious and somewhat idealistic - but it's a a kind of hope that has to be held in gritted teeth. Sometimes those teeth are gritted in a smile, sometimes not. But it's the process that matters. It's notable too that even if these hobbies are considered creative, they still have a quality of repetition and practicality; it's following a pattern. Directions for being a human person. Soup is either very creative or very boring, but either way, you'll be fed. Part of this too is my resentful, core belief that I am here on this earth and I should help other people while I walk up and down in it! And sometimes the only way to do that is to make someone dinner. I think that having some small kind of saving-the-world task to fall back on, after being a DEFENDER OF THE UNIVERSE, after being a champion of a gladiatorial arena, after being a star student in a quasi-military space program, would be a relief. Domestic work feels meaningful to me because it is the scaffolding of everyday life. (I'm not going to go into the religious baggage that I have from my upbringing here because it is too much, but I think these things are important even though for many years I was told domestic labor was the only gift I had to offer. And it was not a gift I wanted to give.) Still. There's something comforting about making something new out of very insignificant parts. I want that little bit of comfort to be present in Shiro's postwar hobbies, because I want all of the paladins to have that mundane experience of grace. Of waking up and getting on with things, not because the universe is at war, but because -- I don't know. You love someone so you're going to knit them a hat. And they're alive to wear it.

#meta #takashi shirogane #writing asks

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mollyyancey · 8 months

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How do I cope with the world?

Uh wow that's a good question.

First of all, I don't think you have to cope with the entire world, the only thing you really need to worry about is yourself. This is coming from someone who is always anxious about what strangers think, but learning to only think about yourself and being smart about what things are important enough to take up space in your mind and what things you can just make yourself not think about is helpful. Something I've heard that helps is taking a step back and thinking "how does this thought serve me", which is to say like, what I'm thinking or worrying about right now, what purpose does it have for me? And if it doesn't serve a purpose, then it's ok to just ignore and let go.

Also, finding things that you really like and just holding on to them tightly, and just taking time to enjoy things that make you happy. Even if it's not something you can immediately engage in, having small reminders that make you think "oh I like this thing and it makes me happy" helps a lot I think.

Also, this is cliche, but having other people helps a ton in dealing with things. When things get too much I think it's good to take yourself out of the downward spiral in your mind and focus on another person that matters, like hanging out with a friend or talking to someone. If that's difficult for you, even watching a show that's meaningful to you or listening to the lyrics of a song you like can have the same effect, just taking you away from your own thoughts and seeing how others deal with similar things.

That's just general stuff that helps me, I don't know exactly what you're going through and stuff, so maybe it helps, maybe it doesn't. Not to sound like your mom though, but physical health does have such an effect on mental wellbeing as well. Taking care of yourself physically goes a long way, even if you can't do everything perfect every day, and I feel like making a conscious effort to take care of myself or tidy up makes me feel better too. Even just taking a walk and looking at nature or having a morning/evening routine makes it feel like I'm progressing toward something good.

If you're really in a long term pit of despair I would also look into what kind of health things might be causing it. Sometimes things that don't seem connected at all will affect you mentally (which is something I've come across recently).

Overall you are the only person in your life that will be there the entire time. Things will come and go but you have to be with yourself always. You are the one who is most responsible for looking after yourself and doing things for yourself, no matter how liberating or depressing that might be.

#im really not good with words haha i thought about it a lot for a day but it was hard to make my ideas make sense #for that reason i put youmu there because though she is a dumbass she is earnest haha #2023 #askbox

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metalhoops · 11 months

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Steddie Week Day 2:

Bittersweet / Fluff and/or angst/ Fade to Black Metallica

There are some people you could know for a day and feel as though you’d known them for a lifetime. Eddie Munson was one of those people. At least, as far as Steve was concerned.

If they’d been different people at different times, he and Eddie could’ve known each other for a small lifetime. There were daydreams in the months after his death where Steve imagined a world where they’d grown up together. In a way, they had grown up together or at least, they’d grown up in each other’s periphery.

Steve thought about Eddie more in his death than he had in his life. He remembered all the parts of their parallel childhoods he’d wished he could forget.

He was twelve when Eddie first moved to Hawkins. He’d sported oversized shirts and jeans with holes in the knees. He’d been so small back then. They’d been the same height, but Steve had adapted the habit of taking up space at an early age. Eddie wouldn’t gain the knack for another three years.

The following summer, Eddie shaved his head. Steve had been resting on the grass outside the town pool, Tommy at his elbow, when he noticed the boy pass his way, likely heading for the library down the street.

Eddie never seemed like much of a swimmer, though he had managed to brave the blackness of Lovers’ Lake to save his ass, so maybe Steve was assuming. There were parts of Eddie’s past that’d forever be a mystery to him.

“Who’d have thought the freak shaving his mane would make him look more like a girl,” Tommy had commented, in the way of a teenage boy who only knew how to be big by making others feel small.

Steve tilted his head back and found his eyes locked with the kid, the freak, Eddie Munson. The cut made his wide brown eyes look bigger and his features rounder. He almost looked pretty.

“Careful, he might have a thing for you, Steve. Creep’s staring long enough,” Tommy jeered, loud enough for Eddie to hear. The kid shrunk back into himself and kept walking.

Steve lay back in the grass, examining Tommy’s freckled face for a moment before sliding on his sunglasses. Even then, he’d known Tommy was an asshole.

“You stare at me all the time, Hagen. You got something you wanna share with the class.”

Steve hadn’t meant anything by it. He never thought before he spoke. An offhanded bitchy comment had been a dime a dozen back in those days. Tommy usually knew how to roll with the punches, but not with that.

He heard a muffled chuckle drift downwind on the breeze, trailing in Eddie’s wake.

“I’m not a queer, Harrington,” Tommy spat, too fast, too defensive.

“Never said you were. All I was saying is I keep feeling like I’ve got shit on my face when you’re around, how much you stare.”

“Shit on your face would be an improvement from your ugly ass mug,” Tommy mumbled before laying back down beside Steve, whatever strange tension that’d passed between them long since gone.

He and Eddie wouldn’t cross paths again in a noticeable way until Steve’s life went to shit. Eddie and Steve ran in similar circles when it came to parties. The guy was always hanging on the periphery. Nancy, the one person holding Steve’s life together in any meaningful manner up until that point, called him bullshit, and he’d turn tail and ran.

Even now he wasn’t sure why he’d done it. His insides had twisted into a ball of twine at the base of his gut, and he hadn’t decided if he wanted to punch something or burst into tears. He didn’t know which response was preferable. He’d run out the back door straight into Eddie Munson of all people. He’d ploughed right into the man’s chest. He’d smelled of cigarette smoke and weed.

“Woah, Harrington. Where’s the fire?” Eddie spoke, his hands held up in a placating manner. Steve hadn’t wanted to talk to anyone, but in retrospect, he wished he’d stayed.

Instead, he’d set his eyes on his shoes and shoved his way past Eddie, not wanting the boy to see him cry. If he’d stayed, it could’ve been the start of something. If he’d just talked to Eddie, maybe they would’ve had more time together. Even if in every story, in every lifetime, Eddie was destined to die in the spring of 1986, they would’ve had a few good years.

Then there was the time they’d skipped gym, a few days after Billy Hargrove did a number on his face. Steve hadn’t planned on skipping. He sure as hell didn’t want to be there with Billy kicking him while he was down, but skipping hadn’t crossed his mind. Eddie had other plans.

They’d been running a warm-up lap around the basketball court when it happened. For once, Steve was sticking to the back of the pack, trying to keep his head down and keep the hell out of the new King of Hawkins’ High’s way.

To his surprise, Eddie Munson was at his side in a flash, running shoulder to shoulder with him as though this were a current occurrence, as though they were born to run beside each other. Their strides were the same length, and they ran in tandem.

Eddie had done some growing up. He’d learnt how to make himself seem bigger, and Steve was trying desperately not to stand out. By that time, they’d grown into each other. It’d been a good time for them to become friends. They wouldn’t, but if Steve were to choose any day, that would be the one they’d come closest.

“Harrington, follow my lead,” Eddie spoke in a breathless whisper.

Before Steve had the chance to ask what was going on, the boy careened into him, sending them both tumbling to the court floor.

“Son of a bitch,” Eddie cursed. The thud of two bodies colliding and Eddie’s overdramatised wail drew the attention of the coach.

Eddie cradled his ankle and continued to curse. Steve looked at the boy with wide-eyed alarm.

“You okay?” He asked, moving closer, resting his hand on Eddie’s knee. His elbow smarted from where he’d landed but with the rest of his body in near-constant pain from Billy’s beating, one more small ache didn’t make much difference.

Eddie looked up for long enough to shoot Steve a wink and a shit-eating grin before attempting to get up. His ankle buckled, and he toppled back to the floor.

“I think it's sprained,” Eddie observed.

“Munson, go to the nurse’s office. Harrington, make sure he doesn’t kill himself on the way,” the coach spat, sick of the theatrics. Steve blinked owlishly at Eddie before nodding and slinging the boy’s arm over his shoulder, guiding him into the hall.

“My hero,” Eddie chuckled when they were out of earshot.

Steve rolled his eyes and wrapped an arm around Eddie’s waist cautiously.

“There’s gotta be a better way to get out of gym than breaking your own ankle,” Steve observed, only to be on the receiving end of one of Eddie’s manic fits of laughter. He pulled back from Steve and put his full weight on his ankle, walking as smoothly as ever.

“All an act, Harrington. Drama is the only subject my ass is acing. I was just going to do a runner like I do every day, but you looked too miserable to leave alone.”

Steve blinked disbelievingly at Eddie.

“Why would you help me?” Steve had been a grade-A asshole to people like Eddie for most of his life. He hadn’t been able to fathom why the boy had noticed his mood and decided to do something about it.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Eddie smirked and nudged Steve’s shoulder as the two continued down the hall. Steve still couldn’t understand why Eddie had done it. Now, Eddie was dead, so he’d never know.

Steve didn’t have to imagine what Eddie looked like dying. He’d seen it. He’d kneeled beside the boy, listened to Dustin’s sobs and went pale-faced when he’d seen how many pieces of Eddie were missing.

He could hardly remember what he’d said to Eddie. He’d covered the boy’s wounds as best he could, attempted to move Dustin back from the massacre at their feet and tried to keep Eddie calm. He kept telling the boy he was going to be okay, all the while knowing he was lying.

He kept trying to move Eddie, but every time he did, the boy would scream in pain and the growing pool of blood would swell. There was so much blood under the red sky that it looked like the earth itself was bleeding. Steve felt like the world was cracking in two with the idea of losing the boy he’d hardly gotten to know, yet one he also knew so well.

“Steve,” He’d recalled Eddie saying, his voice strangely calm for the situation. Steve reminded himself of Eddie’s A in drama, of his acting prowess.

“You remember that afternoon in gym, when you pretended to sprain your ankle and we spent the day smoking under the bleachers?” Steve recalled, trying to keep him distracted.

Eddie gave a small smirk. It was the same smug grin he’d shot Steve’s way half a dozen times across the almost decade they’d half-known each other. This time, his teeth were tinged with blood.

“Yeah, I remember,” Eddie spoke, his voice too strained, his too-long hair caked in dirt and blood.

“How do I look right now?” Steve asked as he desperately tried to hold together Eddie’s bleeding side.

He pulled the boy to his feet, placing his shoulder under Eddie’s armpit. Steve wasn’t sure when they’d learned to speak the same language, but somehow Eddie knew what he wanted to say.

“Miserable,” Eddie mused, wincing as Steve tried to drag him. He attempted to pull Eddie into his arms, but he couldn’t get a good grip, his fingers slipping, still sticky with blood.

“Then don’t leave me alone,” Steve hissed, pressing his face against the boy’s hair, trying and failing to gain any real traction.

Steve had never wanted anything so badly as he’d wanted to save Eddie.

Steve had never been so certain someone was going to die.

He felt Eddie’s hand reach up blindly, his eyes glazed over, looking without seeing. Steve dipped his head, placing his cheek into the boy’s palm, seeming to know what Eddie had hoped to do.

“My hero,” He breathed, this time with no hint of sarcasm. Eddie’s hand dropped from his face as a leaf drops from a tree come fall.

Unlike every other moment in Eddie’s life, his death was quiet.

#steddieweek2023 #steddieweekprompts #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #ficlet #steddie ficlet #stranger things #bittersweet #angst #day 2 #tw homophobia #I think this is the first fic #I've ever actually written with Eddie's death #I'm still in denial #metalhoops writes

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spicy-picklez · 1 year

Text

Rainbow after a Storm(P2)

Includes:

Rape and self harm mentions.

Characters:

Larissa Weems x female reader

Summary:

You and Larissa trust each other with some meaningful secrets as she helps take care of you after the incident.

Word Count:

2.4k

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Rolling over, the morning sun peeking through the curtains hits your face. Slowly opening your eyes, you have to take a moment to figure out you live in Principal Weems’ quarters now. The space on the bed which was occupied by Principal Weems is now vacant. You reach for your phone, checking the time. 10.27am.

“Shit. I’m so dead!” You rapidly sit up, a shooting pain running through your veins as you push off your arm. “Motherfucking shitcunt… fuck!” Standing up, you take a glimpse at your arm, blood starting to seep through again. “For fucks sake.” You mutter, walking over to grab your uniform.

The door flies open, you turn around to see Principal Weems’ coming over to you, concern written on her face. “Y/N hun, are you ok?” Her eyes no doubt looking at the fresh blood staining the white bandages. “I’m great, only horribly late to class and accidentally reopened my arm getting outta bed.” You say, rummaging through your clothes trying to find your uniform.

“Y/N, did you not think that there was a reason I didn’t wake you up for your classes? I do run the school incase you’ve forgotten. I told your teachers that for the next two days you won’t be attending classes.” Amusement in her voice as she says this. Confused, you raise your head to look at her.

“But.. why?” You had never had anyone show you such compassion and thoughtfulness. You least expected it to come from your principal, this was evident in your voice as you ask.

She takes a step closer to you. “Y/N, why are you always so surprised when a human being actually tries to show you compassion and help you? I didn’t tell your teachers about what happened, I didn’t believe they needed to know. The only people aware of yesterdays events are Wednesday, Ms Thornhill, Coach Vlad and us. I thought if you wanted people to know, it should be you to tell them. You have these next two days to start healing.”

At this point, you couldn’t tell if her kindness was genuine or if she had a deeper motive behind it. But there was something so calming about her presence, you felt yourself inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt… something you haven’t done in nearly a decade.

“I just… never really thought it’d be a principal to show me what compassion is.” You mutter, breaking the eye contact. Her hand reaches out to grab your uninjured wrist. “Y/N…” Her name soft on her tongue, sadness and compassion in her voice. “Listen, I gotta go back to work, my office is just right through that door so call me if you need anything. But tonight, if you want, we can head down to the Weathervane for hot chocolate.”

At the mention of Jericho, your heart races. You feel his hands on your body, rough and degrading. Your hands pinned against the brick wall behind your back, tears streaking down your face.

“Y/N?” Concern plaguing Principal Weems’ voice as it brings you back to reality. Realising she’s still waiting for your response, you clear your throat.

“Hot chocolate sounds great but the last time I went to Jericho, it didn’t end well…”

“Y/N, what do you mean?” You can feel her grip on your wrist gently tighten as her body tenses, her heart rate increasing.

“Not now, you have work.” You say, giving her a not at all convincing smile. “I’ll be ok.”

She holds your gaze for a second, before giving a gentle nod. “If you need anything, I’ll just be in the next room. I mean it Y/N. Anything.” She gives your hand a comforting squeeze before exiting the room, her heels clicking against the wooden floor.

What just happened? Not once have you trusted someone as easily as her. The hold she has over you just by her showing you compassion is overwhelming. Lying back down on the bed, you mindlessly put on Netflix on your phone and begin to space out as Orange is the New Black’s theme song sounds around the room.

9 episodes later, the sound of the door opening causes you to break your gaze away from the screen. Larissa enters the room, heaving a sigh as she mutters something under her breath, leaning against the back of the now shut door.

“Rough day?” A warm smile on your lips as you ask. She seems to remember you’re there and jumps, her head turning towards you. “Y/N!” She exclaims, you’re unable to stifle your chuckle. She grins. “Yeah something like that. How’s your injuries?”

You glance at your arm, still the single bloodstain from earlier. “Well I haven’t managed to reopen any others so I’d say it’s doing good.” A cheeky grin appearing on your face as she reciprocates an amused smile.

“Well how about we change that dressing and I’ll make us some hot chocolates.” She says, already heading to grab new bandages from the bathroom.

Following her, you start unwrapping your arm. A small “fuck” escapes you as you realise some of the stitches, which you honestly forgot you have, have come undone. “Principal Weems?” You say turning the corner into the bathroom.

“Y/N, you’re living in my quarters, I believe you’ve earned the right to call me Larissa.” She says, turning around to face you. Your face turns red as she says this. “Larissa…” Hers turning the same shade as she hears her name fall off your tongue. She was never fond of her name after being teased for it as a kid but the way it sounded coming from you was enough to make her heart race. “Did you have any tweezers? I need to twist a few stitches back together.” You continue, her eyes dropping to your arm before reaching into a drawer and pulling out a pair.

“Hold your arm up.” She says, her voice soft and you obey, holding it up as she redoes the stitches, her soft hands gently brushing your skin. She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a packet of saline wipes.

“I got this today to help your wounds heal. Forgive me but this might sting.” She says grabbing a wipe out of the packet. “Its ok, I can handle a fair amount of pain.” She takes a sharp breath as you say that. Slowly, she gently caresses your wounds with the wipe, sharp stings of the saline touching your cuts making you clench your fist but still don’t move. “Good…” She breathes out, grabbing a clean tissue and gently patting your arm dry. Your stomach twists as she says that, heat rising in your core. How did that one word have such an effect on you? She begins bandaging your arm, both of you standing in silence. You are hyperaware of your proximity to each other. The way her hand has a gentle but firm grasp holding the gauze in place.

As she finishes wrapping your arm, neither of you say anything, both just staring into each others eyes. Larissa can feel your heartbeat increase as she maintains holding your wrist. Your eyes are hooked on her gorgeous blue ones. Realising just how close you two were, Larissa clears her throat, stepping away. “So, hot chocolate?” She says with a soft smile, your wrist still in her hand. You nod. “Yeah… sounds good.” It’s at your words that the eye contact is finally broken.

She leads you over to the couch, the fire already lit. As you sit down, she walks into another room in the quarters, presumably the kitchen. She returns a few minutes later with two mugs of hot chocolate, small marshmallows floating on the top. Handing you a cup, she takes a seat next to you, folding her legs up onto the couch next to her. Her elbow resting on the arm rest.

“Y/N…” She starts, her voice soft but cautious, not sure how you’d react to her following question. “Earlier today you mentioned that the last time you went to Jericho, things didnt go well… the last time you went to Jericho was earlier that day. Was that what caused you to hurt yourself?”

Taking a deep breath, you nod. You already knew this question was coming. “I was walking down the street when I saw someone I had a not so great past with. He came up to me and I tried to get away but he’s twice my size. I got dragged into an alleyway and trapped up against a wall with my arms behind my back. I fought-.” Its at this point that the tears start leaking from your eyes, a lump forming in your throat.

Her hand reaches over and places it on your thigh comfortingly, she could already guess what you were going to say next. “I fought so hard. I didn’t want him to do it to me again. I didn’t want to go through it again. But he didnt stop. One hand was cupped over my mouth, pushing my head back into the wall and I got lightheaded. I couldn’t fight him much after that. I just had to stand there as he… as he raped me.” She straightens her legs out, reaching over to pull you back into her.

Her arms wrap around you, one hand stroking your hair as you cry into her shoulder. You try to focus on her breathing, feeling her chest rise up and down against you. Her perfume wafts up your nose as you breath in her now familiar scent of Beyoncé’s Heat Kissed. Calming your tears, you steady your breath. “It wasn’t the first time I’ve been raped. What upset me most about it was he was the first person to rape me. We were best friends as kids before he raped me in his backyard when we were 7 years old. I hadn’t seen him since then.”

You feel one of her hands unwrap itself from around you as she places it under your chin, lifting your head up to look at her. “Y/N… I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t have ever had to go through that and I promise you that as long as I shall live, you will never experience anything like that again. You are safe here, Y/N.” Her eyes watering as she says this, a single tear running down her cheek. She wraps her hand back around you and holds you tight.

“You’re safe.” She whispers, continuing stroking your hair. You believe her, wrapping your arms around her, fully embracing each other. Both of you knew it was wrong being this close with each other. God, you’re a student and she’s your principal. Yet, neither of you can deny you have a connection so you both relax into each others embrace.

“You know, I’ve never been raped, the complete opposite actually. I was known as the freak, and I know it’s normal for outcasts but even when I attended school here, no one dared approach me. My height and my ability making me different from the other outcasts. I was the only shapeshifter to attend here at the time.” She says quietly, remembering the days where she was trapped in dark closets, screaming for help as her bullies laughed.

“Why do you think no one knows mine? I’ve always hidden it from everyone… until now.” You say quietly. You’ve never shown anyone your ability on purpose but you know she’d understand better than anyone else. She is captivated on your every word, her breath catching in her throat as she watches you transform into her. Her hand reaches up to cup your face as you transform back into yourself. “You’re a shapeshifter…” She whispers, barely believing her eyes. Shapeshifters are rare, she wasn’t aware anyone currently attending Nevermore was one. You were the only one without an ability listed to your name.

“Y/N…” She says, pulling you into a tighter embrace. “Thank you.”

You knew she meant it. Until you found out she herself was a shapeshifter, you had felt so alone, so out of place and you know that thats exactly how she felt until now. She lets her body slip further down on the couch, you still wrapped in her embrace. You close your eyes, feeling her warm arms gentle but firm pulling you close, the fire against your cheek, enjoying her perfume.

It’s at this point where both you and Larissa should realise how wrong this would look if someone were to see. But if either of you did, neither mentioned it. Both just enjoying the comfort and touch of another person that they’ve so desperately lacked.

Larissa’s ringtone made your eyes fly open. You do admit that you’d fallen asleep while in her embrace, not too sure exactly what time it is. “Hello?” Her voice, deep and groggy, suggests she’d done the same. Her hand around your body pulls you closer as you try to reach for your phone, letting you know that you’re staying there.

The caller and Larissa share a few minutes of conversation, most likely something about the school. You weren’t sure, you weren’t paying attention, too content in her embrace to focus on anything else. As the caller says their goodbyes, you lift your head off her shoulder. “Whats the time?” You ask, not realising just how asleep you were, surprising yourself with how groggy it sounds.

She checks her phone, “10.30pm give or take a few. We should head to bed.” You nod as she says this, realising you’re about to fall asleep again. You let her slide off the couch as she stands, reaching a hand out to help you up. Taking it, you stand. The minute you reach the bed, you collapse onto it, pretty much asleep before you hit the pillow.

Larissa smiles as you fall onto the bed, she knew what you two had already done wasn’t safe but after falling asleep with you, she longed for that again. Climbing over you, she rolls onto her side of the bed. Lying on her side, she slings an arm around you. The two of you sleep, chests rising and falling with each breath.

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#principal weems #larissa x reader #larissa weems #forbidden love #forbidden romance #nevermore

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suuuupernovaaa · 1 year

Text

syä’ä

syä’ä [ˈsjæ.ʔæ] adj. bitter

Anonymous Request: Can I request a Tonowari imagine with his female mate who has just started seeing him and she is a very strong person who keeps everything to herself like her feelings, stresses and worries in general and relies on herself for everything and only trusts herself and over time Tonowari realises this and brings it up with her one day and she gets defensive and angry at him before pushing him away aggressively and leaving him alone in their home? [Request cut short for space].

In this story, Tonowari and Jake are both early 20s, and have been lifelong friends.

If I had to pick one word to describe our clan, it would maybe be 'harmonious' or possibly 'joyful', maybe 'peaceful'.

Basically, our people were a happy people. Our clan was tight-knit, supportive, and our daily work was meaningful, as were the relationships we formed with the wildlife around us.

Most Metkayina were full of joy. I tried to be the same, but found it difficult.

My father was the only bitter and hateful man in the clan, and no one was really sure why. Some whispered that he hadn't gotten the woman he wanted, some whispered of an illness in his mind, but I had long stopped caring the reason why.

Especially now that he was dead.

What mattered was how his bitterness had effected me. His mate, my mother, had died young, leaving just he and I. And though the clan was supportive, and we were surrounded by help and happiness, something about having such an unstable father had caused me to feel isolated and lonely as a child, and as I grew, I distanced myself from most people around me.

Tonowari was the closest person to me, and yet still, I was never completely sure of him. I had said yes to being his mate, and I had been truly happy around him for quite some time but... something was missing.

It was as if I was waiting for the facade to fall. I was waiting for Tonowari to turn his back on me, to become angry, harsh and bitter, because that was all I really knew from the men I had lived with.

After a long and particularly frustrating day, the kind of day where many small inconveniences add up to create one large problem, I return home in a terrible mood.

Tonowari is already there, sharpening his spear as something cooks over the fire. It smells amazing, but my mood is so sour that I have no real interest in eating.

With a sigh, I hang up my net and spear, and sit down across the pod from my mate.

"What troubles you?" he asks, his voice light and his handsome brow furrowed.

"I'm fine, Tonowari," I reply, but there is an edge to my voice, just a little bite, and I feel guilty immediately. It isn't Tonowari's fault, and he's only trying to help, but the thought of burdening him with my complaining sends chills down my spine.

I had not been allowed to complain, growing up. It was a grave error I'd only made once.

"Tell me, Y/N," Tonowari replies, stepping closer and holding out a plate of food.

"I'm not hungry. Thank you."

"Y/N, why do you never... talk to me?" he asks.

"We are talking now."

He sets the plate of food down, and kneels down in front of me. "We talk, but never about anything important. You never tell me how you feel, what you are thinking. You never confide in me when you are upset. You keep me far away." He places his hand over his heart. "I want you to let me in."

A mixture of absolute panic and anger bubbles up inside of me, and I rise to my feet. "You do not know what you ask, Tonwari!" I reply, and before I can say anything I regret further, I exit our pod so that I can cry in peace and quite.

Tonowari tosses the fishing net out and sighs. "I don't know, Jake. Every time I try to really talk to her, it ends in a fight."

Jake rubs his hand over his mouth, thinking. "Well... wasn't her father sort of, abusive?"

Tonowari watches the net sink, then turns to look at his friend. "He was a cold and hard man. He found this life unfair. Y/N barely speaks of him, but there is talk. Talk that he was harsh to her, unfeeling and mean."

"Yeah, I had an old man like that too. It can really mess you up. She's probably worried if she, you know, bothers you, you'll get unfeeling and mean too."

Tonowari holds the weight of his net in his hand, staring out at the early evening son, and begins to see his mate in a new light.

When he returns home that evening, Y/N is there already, by the fire, preparing a meal that looks very large.

He knows this means she's sorry, but 'sorry' isn't something she says often. Now he wonders, what did her father do to her when she apologized?

Enough is enough, he decides, and without a word, he kneels down before his mate and pulls her hands away from their busy task, holding them in his.

She turns, eyes wide, and stares at him.

"I am going to speak, and you are going to listen, just for a moment," Tonowari says, his voice shaking only a little. "I want to apologize to you, Yawne. I don't know the full extent of what your father has done to you, but I do know that he was a bitter, angry, terrible man. And that has hurt you. I can't change that, but I can spend every day of our life together showing you that I am not him. Do you know how much joy I find in you? How happy I am to see you every day? You could never burden me, or anger me so much that I would harm you, or do anything to make me stop loving you and caring for you."

He scoots a little closer to her, and places her palms on his chest.

"I will never grow tired of you. I will never think less of you. I will always be a safe place for you, Yawne, and a safe place for our children. They will be raised with all the love and joy that you did not have, but should have. I promise you this."

He sees the tears in her eyes, and they are reflected in his.

She moves her hands up to his shoulders, and grips tightly. "I had a hard day yesterday, Tonowari. I... it wasn't one thing, it was many small, very annoying things, that added up to be one big, terrible day. And all I wanted to do when I got home was tell you about it, but I thought you might tell me to stop complaining, that no one will ever walk to talk to me if I complain so much."

Tonowari grabs her waist, shaking his head. "Did your father say this to you?"

She nods.

"I would listen to you complain all night, if you wanted to. I would listen to anything you have to say." Tonowari's heart swells; this is the most she has ever divulged to him, and he can tell how difficult it is for her. He wants to tread lightly, to not push too hard. "My love for you is unconditional, Y/N. You don't have to earn it by behaving a certain way, or saying the right things. You can just be yourself."

She falls forward into his arms, and he holds her tightly to his chest. Though she's quiet, he can feel the sobs shaking her body, so small compared to his. Slowly, he pulls her down so they are laying together, and her head is on his chest. He feels her breathing slow as she calms down, and he runs his fingers through her thick hair.

"I won't push you too hard, Y/N. I know I have been pushing you. I just want you to feel safe, to know that you can trust me."

She looks up at him with red eyes and wet cheeks, but there is something about the look on her face... she looks relaxed, he realizes. Y/N is always so tense, and right now, she isn't. She's tired, and she's relaxed. He hopes it means she feels safe here with him.

"Thank you, Tonowari. I am... grateful for you."

He leans down, pressing a soft, warm kiss to her forehead. "Sleep now. You're tired. We will talk more anytime you want to."

Within minutes, she's asleep. Tonowari stays awake as long as he can, holding her tightly, thanking Eywa for the gift of this perfect mate.

#tonowari #tonowari x reader #tonowari fic #avatar twow #daddy

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jiangwanyinscatmom · 7 months

Note

Wangxian up against Sculder! Voting will open 3 pm PST? (More accurate timezone on official website) Wangxians fans stay alert (getting to go up against Spirk even to lose would be fun) what say you?

Hello there anon.

I would be content for any of the four that are left to win.

While not any of them other than Wangxian are my personal ship. Each one significantly changed what we know about media and the way fandom is able to interact with each other as well as creative spaces. I respect Kirk/Spock for being the most significant pop culture medium for women and other queer fans to be able to find a community and able to use that to continue it all for decades. That is a fandom spaces world, they were able to explore and create what others were unable to, it's very lovely the love that fans can create.

Mulder/Scully as well was able to make it an open point to be able to discuss significant romance at a time that it was derided as a arc within Sci/Fi and Fantasy on tv even by creators since it was a theme looked down on. It wasn't supposed to be a thing on the creators mind and allowed for significant fan to creator interactions and thought.

NaruSasu was very much a gateway series for children coming out of the 90's and having a playground handed to them due to the medium of shonen being what it is. As many issues as I may have with Naruto in itself it and its fandom's yearning to continue exploring its themes of outsiders and the unwanted and finding a place is something I am forever grateful for as it helped me make very dear friends who I have loved now for more than a decade.

Wangxian also in itself was a direct message to show that what is usually derided as "just yaoi and those don't have plot", is a genre that is meaningful and continues to leave a long lasting impression and was able to achieve international success due to it being a literary masterpiece in its own right. It's become one of the most well known chinese works for an international audience and shows that Chinese works are and always have been there to share important and moving messages.

I think what is long lasting and loved for more than just a few years is impactful, important and shows what is and is not just a craze that is forgotten or mocked. The love and care in them shows and why they still hold a special place in many peoples lives. It also helps that the creators extend consideration to what they want to achieve and have a message that is meaningful to share.

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #x-files #star trek #I may not ship all of them but I have respect for the spaces and significance they have #it's about respect #some of which fandom spaces need to learn and provide without downplaying what these works have done #naruto

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frost-queen · 1 year

Text

Wrong side of paradise // part 5 (Reader x Steve Harrington)

Forever tag: @missmelodramatic, @theletterhart, @alex--awesome--22, @elllie-does-the-posts, @floatlosers, @merlieve, @queen-of-books, @glimmering-darling-dolly, @denkisclown, @wildieflower, @meyocoko, @bubblybrianna, @justanothercoco @idkwhatmyusernam, @subjecta13-thefangirl, @harleyquinnswifeyfrfr Tag list: @calpurnia2002, @gleefulleve, @shireentapestry, @mess-in-side, @farfromjustordinary, @manuosorioh, @mrsjaderogers, @pandoraneverland, @thxliaaa, @heyyimmisunderstood, @ginnupp, @ladyfallonavenger,@logibearhockey1, @lovesicksofi, @rainbowpr1sm, @untoldshortsofthefandoms, @amaliarosewood, @ninaaaschmid, @ihatepeanutss, @kathieycarrerarosshley, @venomsvl (I couldn’t find 3 or 4 tags, be sure to have it on that people can tag you!)

Summary: The end in near, all it takes is one final round to prove whether your mind is strong enough to withstand Vecna. The life of your friends and yours hanging by a thread, will you make it out or be the opener of gateways for Vecna?

< part 1 & part 2 & part 3 & part 4 >

The sky rumbled with flashes of lightning hiding behind the dark clouds. The journey home felt longer than any walk you had ever endured. A maze of veins scattered around. Wrapping the houses up as gifts. Laying deadly silent in their own movements on the roads. – “How do we get out of here exactly?” – you asked nervously. – “We go back through the portal.” – Steve answered firmly, walking beside you. Nancy lead the party as Eddie kept looking nervously over his shoulder right behind you. – “You mean the one by the water lake?” – you refined to be certain.

Robin humming loud at your other side. – “Wouldn’t… wouldn’t that be a bit too obvious?” – you questioned following Nancy to the side of the road. – “I mean wouldn’t he suspect us going there since it is the only way back, we know.” – you added. – “Y/n has a point.” – Eddie backed you up, looking nervously up to the sky. – “What if he is waiting there for us? What if he has regained his strength just to demolish us once and for all.”

Steve shot Eddie a glare for scaring everyone with that thought. – “Well what would you have me do?” – Steve called out gesturing desperately. – “I’m not going to risk Y/n’s life anymore. It’s the only logical way back… I…I…” – Steve dropped down, sitting down on the side of the road.

“I don’t know what to do…” – he sighed out in worry. Holding his fingers through his hair. Robin nodded at you with a meaningful gesture. You took a deep breath, sitting down beside him. – “Steve…” – you said to get his attention. He exhaled loud, kicking his feet forwards. – “You’ll find a way, we just have to think.” – you reassured him, placing your hand on his shoulder. Robin motioned for Eddie and Nancy to give you some space.

You watched them take their distance, allowing you a private moment with Steve. Steve shook his head, moving his fingers through his hair. – “I…I’m not the hero you imagined me to be…” – he sighed out, letting his head fall back, looking up to the sky. – “No you are not.” – you replied watching him look questionable at you. – “You are more than that Steve.” – he brows furrowed even more. How could you possibly see a hero in him.

“Robin told me you dove headfirst without thinking much to go after me.” – you explained. – “You swiped all your own fears aside to dive into hell just to get me back.” – you let your hand slide over his arm. Steve placing his on yours, faintly smiling. – “It was also you who shot at Vecna without any fear. I’d say that is hero material in its finest form.”

Steve chuckled, letting his head hang with a shake. – “You are quite something Y/n.” – he spoke lifting his head back up. – “How is it that in the midst of hell, you still find ways to cheer me up.” – you pulled your shoulders up innocently. Taking your hand, he placed it down on his lap. Fumbling a bit with your fingers, touching them delicately to occupy himself. – “I promise you I’ll get you out. No matter the cost.” – He exhaled loud, his knee trembling anxiously while clutching onto your hand. You got up seeing Eddie and Robin approach hesitantly.

“So we good?” – Eddie asked, hands rubbing nervously over his bottom. Robin glanced your way, more interested into knowing the state of your relationship with Steve. You gave her half a smile, not even sure for yourself. Nancy joined as well, waiting orders. – “So captain, where too?” – Eddie asked, looking over at Steve. The uncalled upon leader. You all looked at him, waiting for his decision. The little hairs in your neck, spiked up making you grasp for it.

“What is it?” – Robin whispered to you. – “I… I can feel him…” – you whispered back. Robin took your hand for certainty. – “He’s drawing me close…” – you continued. It was weird to describe it. The sensation inside of you. It felt like a string was attached to your heart, the other end slowly rolling you in. A fish hooked, splashing for freedom. – “Then we go the other way.” – Robin spoke loud enough for everyone to catch. You shot her a glare. Steve made his way through Eddie and Nancy to get to you. – “Can you feel him?” – he asked.

You nodded hesitant. Steve sucked in a breath. – “Then we better hurry up.” – he said firmly. All of you nodded, following Steve back into the woods. – “Careful and keep your eyes open.” – Steve called out from the front. Eddie making aware to you to look closely where you’d step. Not wanting to wake Vecna up by tripping over one of the veins scattered on the ground. You nodded, taking his help to balance you through a tricky part. It was a maze of veins you had to cross. Watching every step. Nancy and Steve were leading the way.

Robin and Eddie by your side. You noticed how Robin kept glancing your way. Even Eddie was looking rather suspicious. – “Just do it.” – you sighed, batting your eyes up. Robin smiled gesturing at Eddie to begin. Eddie started mimicking the sound of a guitar, playing with his fingers. Robin bobbing her head as Eddie dropped a drum tune in the midst. Then she started singing making you chuckle as Eddie kept sounding the tunes to your favorite song. A little private concert just for you. Robin nudged you, as you sighed defeated.

Singing along with her which caught the attention of Steve and Nancy. Steve looked over his shoulder, smiling faintly at the three of you. Seeing you act out the drums while Eddie played air guitar, still doing the sounds. Robin and you singing the lyrics between laughs. Feeling a tat jealous he wasn’t there with you, goofing around. It feels like forever since he goofed around with you. He couldn’t even remember it. Furrowing his brows, he tugged his hands in the jeans jacket Eddie had given him.

Had he truly been neglecting you? If perhaps he staid close to you, he would’ve perhaps prevented Vecna from taking an interest in you. Staring saddened at you, seeing you laugh with Eddie and Robin. Wondering what could draw his attention so closely to you. Suddenly blaming himself for what you were going through. The thought of losing you, cracked his skull. Several pieces divided about you. Nancy tapped him against the arm, making him act like nothing had happened.

A new sense overcame you. Gently pulling at you. Telling you to go a certain direction. It made you stop, turn and head east. – “Y/n. uhm Y/n!” – Eddie said frowning at your sudden behavior. – “Y/n!” – Robin called outgoing after you. Steve and Nancy stopped, turning around. – “Where are you going?” – Eddie said, Steve and Nancy catching up. Robin took a hold of your wrist, pulling you to a stop. – “What are you doing?” – she asked. – “I don’t know…” – you responded in a trance. Pulling your hand away, you continued your way.

“Hey! Hey! Y/n!” – Steve shouted jumping over the veins to reach you. He jumped in front of you, arms wide to stop you. – “You don’t just wander off!” – he made clear, expression hardened. – “I have to go this way.” – you responded, going around him. – “What’s up with her?” – Nancy asked. Steve grabbed you by the wrist, pulling you back. – “You aren’t going anywhere without me!”

“Then come.” – you whispered, walking again. – “Can… can someone tell me what the hell is going on?” – Eddie freaked out. – “I don’t know.” – Robin answered gawking at Steve and you leaving. – “But I would like to find out.” – she stepped firmly behind you. Nancy and Eddie following. You let go of Steve’s hand, quickening your pace. – “Y/n wait!” – Steve called out, reaching for you. You kept going almost sprinting now to get to where the tug was pulling you.

Your friends running confused and scared after you. The forest made way for something else. A red barren wasteland, slowly blending till it became one whole. You came to a stop, looking around. Nancy was the first one to stop as well, gasping at the new scenery. Robin and Eddie joining her in equal fear. Steve entering last with pure confusion on his face. A red keep in the midst of the darkest blood red sky you had ever seen. Lighting reflecting in the sky. Unlike any place they had seen in Hawkins.

You started walking towards it, compelled to do so. Steve nearly tripped from reacting so quick to go after you. The others coming as well. – “Am I the only one slightly creeped out?” – Eddie asked. Nancy shaking her head with humming. Things were floating in the air. Bits and pieces that you recognized as the old Creel house. The ground crunched underneath your feet. Your eyes went towards a few pillars in the midst of the red keep. Widening at what you saw. – “Don’t look!” – Steve called out, covering up your eyes.

Shocked and frightened, dared he not to look for himself. Robin gasped, stumbling back. Eddie screamed. – “Chrissy?” – he called out with a mixture of disgust and guilt. – “Chrissy!” – he wanted to run over to her, Nancy holding him back. Eddie dropped to his knees, sobbing at the state of her. Chrissy strapped around a pillar. Limbs broken, jaw hanging loose, and eyes gouged out. Yet she wasn’t the only one. Two more hung the same way around pillars.

“This is fucking insane!” – Robin called out. Nancy swallowed, disturbed by what she saw. – “Welcome.” – a sudden voice made everyone look panicky around. Your eyes widened seeing Vecna take a step. – “Run! Run now!” – Steve shouted, ushering everyone to move. He kept his grip tight on you, dragging you back with him. Yet Vecna had other plans.

“Why the rush?” – his voice echoed in your mind. His hand stretched out; your friends pushed forwards, so they’d fall. You were the only one standing, looking frightened around. Screaming you got snatched backwards to Vecna. A vein having strapped around you. – “Y/n!” – your friends screamed. Veins popped up from the ground, wrapped around them. Fighting and struggling to get them off.

Your back got slammed against a pillar close to the latest victim. One of Jason’s friends. Veins strapping firmly around you. Twisting around your body, making you sputter out a breath. Vecna coming to stand before you. Staring luringly at you. – “Please…” – you whimpered. – “I…I don’t want to die…” – you looked at the side over to your friends. Whimpering more as they had to watch this. Vecna turned briefly to look at your friends. He rose his hand up. – “You are mine.” – he said in a deep voice.

Your head shot back with a loud gasp when his clawed hand hovered over your face. Breath sucked in as struggling was useless. – “Surrender.” – he spoke. – “Nooooo!” – Steve cried out in agony. Fighting with every might to get up on his feet. Veins snapping at his brutal force. – “You will not!” – he tensed his jaw, screaming to break free. His foot shot free making him take a firm step. More veins strapped around his leg, trying to secure him. – “Not her!” – he shouted. His mind haunted by a lifetime of memories.

From when you were kids up till now. Flashing like a mini movie in his mind. Every silly, serious, sad, happy, and heartbroken moment. You screamed when your arm bend, cracking the bone. Vecna smiling as he was taking control over you. Steve called it out. “You are more than that, Steve.” Echoed through his mind. Your words from before. Screaming, he pulled his limbs free. Sprinting to get to Vecna before any more limbs of you started breaking.

Shouting loud, he jumped at Vecna. Attacking him to get him away from you. Steve tackled Vecna away from you. Eddie, Nancy, and Robin gasping for air as the veins had dropped around them. Yours as well, making you drop like a ragdoll to the ground. – “Y/n!” – Robin yelled, running over. Steve coughed loud, laying on his hands and knees. Vecna not far from him. Vecna slowly rose, undefeated. Steve chuckled in pain, reaching for his pocket. Vecna tilted his head to the side, flicking his fingers up.

A vein shot up from the ground, wrapping around Steve’s neck. Choking him. – “You have no power here.” – Vecna spoke, grinning at Steve struggling for air. Eddie came running over, fist in the ready to punch. Vecna swiftly moved his hand across, Eddie flying away. – “You are wrong!” – Robin shouted, wiping some tears away. Nancy staid by your side as Robin got up. A dangerous look on her face. Vecna chuckled devious. Robin reached for her inner pocket, taking out a grenade. – “You messed with the wrong people!” – she shouted, pulling the pin out. – “Burn!” – she screamed throwing the grenade at Vecna.

Vecna's eyes widened, moving his arms in front of his face when the grenade crashed against him. Exploding in his face with a blast. Steve fell back, gasping for air. Robin and Eddie falling to the ground. Nancy her arms protectively around you. Vecna was burning when he tried to stand up again. Nancy gritting her teeth. She got up, reaching for her gun. Firing shot after shot, she kept coming closer to him. Screaming in terror as she very much like to see him rot in hell.

Vecna grunted, taking in the hits. You struggled to get up, crying with the pain your broken arm gave you. His voice still clear in your mind. – “No!” – you shouted, catching the attention of Steve, Robin and Eddie. – “I will not surrender.” – you exclaimed joining your friends. Steve walked over, supporting you. Robin and Eddie on your other side. – “Not now nor ever!” – you shouted. You were no longer afraid. No longer did you want your hurt and guilt to torment you. Clear as day that people actually do cared for you. That you weren’t alone. Not even in the darkest of places. – “I… am loved!” – you shouted at Vecna.

“I have friends who would go through war for me!” – you continued, taking a closer step to Vecna. Seeing him stumbled backwards. – “I love Steve!” – you said smiling, finally opening up. Steve gawked at you, Robin nodding proudly with her head. – “And I will no longer let my guilt eat me up alive! I am. Not. Afraid!” – you proclaimed as loud as you could. Feeling his grip on you falter. – “And you are just another bug to squash.” – you finished loudly. Steve stepped up to you, holding out his lighter to you.

You took it as Eddie handed you a bottle with alcohol in. You light the fabric stuffed inside. Screaming loud, you threw it at Vecna, taking your revenge. The bottle exploded against him, setting him on fire. – “Run!” – Nancy shouted. The four of you turned around, sprinting for your lives. Sprinting back to the lake for an escape out of the upside down. – “Incoming!” – Eddie shouted at the horde of demibats flying above in pursuit. They were still a great distance away.

It didn’t take you long to reach the dried up lake. The portal still there. Nancy dived in first, followed by Eddie. Steve grabbed you firmly, letting himself drop into the pit with you. Robin jumping in afterwards. Greeted by water, you struggled. Luckily Steve held you, doing most of the swimming back to the surface for you. Nancy resurfaced first with Eddie. Steve and you popped above water, gasping loud.

“Where is…” – you started, Steve grabbing you by the chin. Pressing his lips against yours to silence you. Eddie clapped the water enthusiastic. Robin coming above water, cheered her lungs out. Splashing Steve with water. That made him pull away, shuddering from the cold. – “Took you long enough.” – Robin said, sticking her tongue out. – “I know… I am the slowest person.” – he responded looking over at you. – “Understatement, Harrington!” – Robin laughed out, causing Steve to splash her with water.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to realize.” – he said to you. – “That’s alright… I wasn’t the most openhearted person about it either.” – Both chuckled loud. Eddie and Nancy helped you back onto the boat. Rowing back to shore to get you to a hospital. Luckily it was only your arm broken for much worse could’ve happened if your friends weren’t as brave as they were now. A new and stronger bond forged.

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