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wlntrsldler · 2 months

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how to disappear | luke castellan

warnings: betrayal, fluff, mean!luke for like five lines, extremely long, not canon, drug use and language, probably got some things wrong but it's for the plot; i sobbed writing this. (this might be my favorite piece i've ever written)

part 2: shades of cool

pairing: aphrodite!reader x luke

description: based on how to disappear by lana del rey

i. all of the guys tell me lies, but you don't. just crack another beer and pretend that you're still here.

"hey, angel," a voice startled you out of your thoughts. your feet were dangling over the pier as you stared out into the lake. you twisted your head to see luke approaching. a soft smile was on his face. "been looking for you everywhere."

"needed a breather," you said, scooting over so he could join you. "sometimes i forget how overwhelming being back here is."

he rolled his cargo pants up to his knees, letting the cool water touch his bare skin. "i get it. sometimes i wish i could take a break."

"you can, you know," you nudged his shoulder, "you're old enough to leave camp during the year. nobody would fault you for wanting to go away for a while."

he dug into his front pocket, pulling out a messily rolled joint and the pink lighter you gave him last summer. the heart you drew on the plastic with sharpie was starting to fade. he placed the joint between your eager lips and lit the end. he tried to ignore the sparks that shot up his arm when your fingertips brushed against his.

luke shrugged, "i know, but then who would take care of the kids? mr. d isn't really the model citizen."

you quirked an eyebrow, passing him the joint, "and you are?"

"better than mr. d," he let out a chuckle before taking a drag. luke closed his eyes as the smoke escaped his lips. he could taste your lipgloss. "maybe when you get your own place, i'll take some time off and visit you."

"i'm off to college soon," you said. "going to california. i got a scholarship."

"of course you did," he grinned. the weed didn't take effect yet. usually, when you smoked with luke, his brown eyes are hazed over by the effects, but while he was speaking, his eyes twinkled in pride. "didn't doubt it for a second."

"you'd leave camp and visit california for me?"

luke had a knowing smile on his face now, as if you were ridiculous for even asking that question. "'course. only problem would be that i'm broke as shit right now. being camp counselor doesn't really pay the big bucks, y'know."

you hummed. it was weird really, how camp was just a fraction of your life. your dad made sure that you could have a semi-normal life, or at least as normal as a half-blood's life could be, but not all demi-gods had the luxury, luke included. his dad made sure of it.

at first, luke despised you for it. why was it fair that you were your mom's favorite child while his dad barely cared enough to make sure he survived his failed quest? if aphrodite was his godly parent, he was sure that he wouldn't have this ugly scar on his face to remind him that he was nothing but a failure. she would stitch him up and make sure that he was okay.

this is not to say that luke liked any of the gods; he just preferred aphrodite above all of them. she gave you to the world, after all.

"what else is new?" he prodded, passing you the joint again after his third drag. "anything else exciting happen in your life since last summer?"

"nothing much," you coughed slightly. you didn't smoke unless you were at camp with luke. "just the usual senior year things, i guess. graduation, prom, you know."

"no, i don't know, actually," he laughed, "well, i know the idea of it. did you decorate your graduation cap? did your senior year live up to your expectations? did you have a date to prom?"

"yes, yes, and no." you pretended not to notice how luke's shoulders relaxed at your answer. "i did decorate my grad cap. my dad has it framed with my diploma. the design was my college's logo. i didn't have a date to prom because i didn't really like anyone at school. i would rather take a date i actually enjoyed the company of."

"that's fair," luke said. he took another hit from the joint. you watched the smoke evaporate into the air, the smell of weed surely sticking to your clothes. "tell me about your senior year."

"it was fun," you said, longing on your face. "it's weird to think that i'm kind of on my own now. after camp, i'll be shipped off across the country to take classes for some bullshit degree that i probably won't need because i won't make it long enough to see the workforce."

luke chuckled at that. it was morbid, sure, but he would be lying if he said that that reality wouldn't be a possibility. he didn't like to think about it much, the idea of you dying, but the life of a demi-god was unpredictable. he's surprised he even made it to eighteen.

you continued, "but i got to be a kid and i'm thankful for that. i just can't stop thinking about how this is my last summer here. i'm eighteen now. i've aged out."

"you can come back, you know," luke said. these summers with you were the only thing he looked forward to each year ever since you first arrived. "i'm still here."

"that's because if you step a toe out of this camp, they'll find you," you said, although you knew luke knew this already. he was powerful. he would attract monsters left and right and he'd be putting himself in jeopardy if he left. your suggestions for him to visit you were more wishful thinking than anything. in those moments, you let yourself pretend that you and luke were normal, that nobody would be trying to kill you if you tried to watch a movie at a theater or something.

"fair," he offered you the last hit, but you shook your head. you already felt your head spinning. "beth wants to go to college, too."

"does she?"

"yeah," he put out the joint on the wooden pier. neither of you spoke as the flame was extinguished with a sizzling sound. "told her to talk to you. you know more about it than i do."

"i'd love to talk to her. i think she'd do great in college."

"she would," he smiled, sadly. his eyebrows furrowed in thought. his mouth opened and closed a few times, like he was trying to find the right way to frame his words. you sat in silence patiently. he gulped, "i feel like everyone is moving on without me."

luke propped his elbows on his knees. he looked across the lake, watching the sunset turn into a pink horizon. he couldn't look at you while he spoke. "don't get me wrong, i'm so proud of you for leaving this place. and i'll be proud of annabeth when her time comes, but i think i just hate the fact that at the end of it all, i'll be alone. everyone in my life has a life outside of this, but i don't. this is it for me. i don't know what it is about this place, about this life, that keeps me stuck here, but i am."

you weren't stupid enough to correct him. you both knew the gods had a plan for luke. it was something bigger than the both of you, though neither of you truly knew what it was; but it was always this looming dark cloud above him, a second shoe waiting to drop. luke tried to ignore the feeling most days, but sometimes, he couldn't help but feel himself get pulled into the darkness; like in these moments, when reality hits him a little harder. you probably won't be back after this summer.

"well," you placed a hand over his own. he flipped his hand over to hold yours properly. he still wasn't looking at you. "let's just make the most out of this summer, yeah? think about everything else when we get there."

he squeezed your hand, "yeah."

ii. met me down at the training yard, cuts on his face cause he fought too hard.

"castellan."

luke winced, not because of the pain of the open cuts on his face, but because of the tone of your voice. that voice meant that he was in trouble.

he mustered up the courage to smile weakly at you, trying to ignore the droplets of blood that spilled from his open wound. "hey, angel."

"don't angel me," you hissed, marching to him. you grabbed his face gently, inspecting the damage. "what were you thinking?"

"i was thinking the kid was a bitch."

"castellan."

he cringed, "sorry."

"what happened?"

"i haven't been getting much sleep," luke whispered, "nightmares are back."

you sighed, picking up a cotton ball soaked in alcohol. the apollo kid who was tending to luke earlier was smart enough to leave the room when you walked in. you muttered half-hearted apologies as he hissed in pain. "i'm sorry to hear that, but that's not the answer i was looking for."

"he was just talking shit," luke said through gritted teeth. whatever the ares kid was saying must've been really bad because you could feel luke's anger rising again. you rubbed his back slowly until he calmed down. "don't wanna talk about it."

"okay," you resigned, finally wiping away the final remnants of blood off his face. you stared at him; even with an open lip, red bruises, and flecks of blood on his face, luke was still beautiful. he plopped his forehead against your stomach, wrapping his arms around you to pull you closer.

this was common with luke. he acted all big and bad around all the other campers, but in your presence, he turned into this; always looking for comfort, always touching you somehow, like he was finally allowed to breathe. you cradled the back of his neck as he let out shallow breaths, leaving feather-light kisses on his crown when you thought he wouldn't notice them. he always felt them, but he never let you know that he did. he was afraid you'd stop doing it if you found out.

"how bad are they?"

"bad," he sighed, eyes closing. he tugged on you to bring you even closer, though you didn't know how that was possible at this point. "haven't slept in days."

"why didn't you come find me?"

"your sisters don't like it when i interrupt their beauty sleep."

"why didn't you tell me sooner? i could've stayed in the hermes cabin."

"it's gross in there," he laughed. "you deserve to sleep on your soft bed in a cabin that smells like fucking roses, not on my cardboard thin cot in a room that smells like sweaty socks."

you lifted his head up to look at you, "yeah, it's pretty bad in there."

luke snorted, finally letting you go, but a hand stayed connected to your hip. he played with the loose thread on the hem of your shirt. "i still won, by the way."

you cocked your head, "huh?"

"the fight," luke's cocky smirk was back on his face. "you should see the other kid. if i'd been well-rested, he wouldn't have been able to land a blow."

you smacked his shoulder, laughing as you fell onto the bed beside him, "shut up, castellan."

"there it is," he mumbled, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. he was so close to you.

"what?"

"castellan," he mimicked your voice, but there was no mockery there. he said it like he treasured it, like he was trying to memorize the way you spoke. "you're not mad at me anymore."

it was hard to stay mad at luke. the longest you'd gotten mad at him was when he didn't choose you for his quest. he stood outside the aphrodite cabin the entire day before he was set to leave, begging for you to let him explain. you were too stubborn, too hard-headed, to listen to him. when you were sure that he was gone, you finally left the aphrodite cabin to find a letter from him tucked away under the welcome mat.

you kept the letter, but you never opened it. it wasn't until he returned from his quest, on the brink of death, that you opened it. you were sitting beside his bed, eyebags darker than ever that even your mother couldn't salvage you. your eyes were stained red from crying so much.

in his letter, he explained how he didn't want to put you in danger, how he would never forgive himself if something bad happened to you because of him. your insecurities just got the better of you. you always feared that people saw you as shallow, like you didn't actually have the skills to fend for yourself. many people had misconceptions about the aphrodite kids, but not luke. luke knew that you were incredible. you just didn't resort to violence as quickly as he did.

you felt stupid then, even now, you regret how you treated him before his quest. you hated yourself for how you acted. he never gave you a reason to doubt him, to not trust him; you should've known that he had his reasons. you hated yourself for even questioning him for a second.

luke pulled you into his chest, allowing you to cuddle into his neck. the beads of his camp necklace rested beside your temple. you reached over to play with them, letting the beads thump against his collarbone when you let go. you felt luke twirling strands of your hair around his finger, gently undoing the knots that formed at the ends of your hair because of his antics. you lay there in silence, just enjoying the presence of one another. you felt luke's breathing even out, a sign that he was drifting off.

luke's words from the pier bounced in your head then. did he think that you'd forget about him after you left camp? as if you'd forget about this, about him. a life without luke castellan became unimaginable when you met him when you were fifteen. there was no version of your life that didn't have luke in it.

it was foolish to think that way, you knew that. it was stupid to let someone have a hold on you like this, demi-god or not. even your friends from home warned you about being so attached to luke, though in the version of events you told them, the stakes were much lower. to them, he was just a boy you see at summer camp a few months out of the year; he was just another hometown boy that they urged you to forget when you moved away to college so you could live your life unrestricted.

but luke wasn't just that to you and you knew you weren't just that to him either. there was something between the two of you that was hard to explain, but didn't need an explanation at the same time. even your mom noticed it. she let you know once to tell luke to stop praying to her to give you a sign whenever he missed you.

"i can't keep making flowers bloom whenever he misses you," she wrote, "it wouldn't make much sense for flowers to bloom in the winter, my child, or for flowers to bloom every second of the day."

sometimes, though, on particularly hard days when you'd miss luke, your mom made exceptions. you'd find bunches of hibiscus growing within the cracks of the sidewalk of new york city on your way home from school.

you knew luke was thinking about you then. just the thought of it made your day better.

iii. i know he's in over his head, but i love that man, like nobody can. he moves mountains and pounds them to ground again.

luke didn't know what you'd say if you found out. well, he did know, but he deluded himself into thinking that you'd listen to his reasons, that you'd actually understand why he did what he had to do. maybe you'd even join him.

percy had left camp with annabeth and grover for his quest yesterday. the air at camp felt different since percy was revealed to be a forbidden child. luke, as much as he tried to keep his resentment for the gods at bay because percy was hard to dislike, the poor kid just wanted to save his mom, felt his blood boil when poseidon claimed percy.

he hated the gods, this wasn't new, but luke struggled to understand how he was supposed to feel. he saw so much of himself in percy. he thought of his mother; her hugs that he hadn't felt since he was nine, the taste of her burnt cookies that he hated at the time, but now he just wished he could taste the burnt crisps on his tongue one last time. he even missed her frantic mumbling in the middle of the night.

luke saw a version of himself in percy, the version that had a chance at happiness. luke hated it.

it was too late, anyway. the plan was already in motion. his allegiance to kronos was set. kronos visited him in his dreams often. luke stopped calling them nightmares because nightmares are only nightmares if they happen once in a while. what made them bad dreams was when they were compared to good ones. he didn't have those anymore.

luke hadn't slept much since he stole the bolt. it was easier to think about you, about the happy times, when he was awake. he smoked more now. it helped sometimes. he would pretend your lipgloss was still on the tip of the joint and that you were beside him on the pier, trying to get away from all the noise of camp.

as he walked toward the hermes cabin, smiling cordially at the younger campers who beamed at him, he saw the corner of a pink bag against his bed. his face dropped. luke stopped in his tracks, clutching the beads of his necklace.

you weren't facing the door. your back was turned while you folded the sheets on his bed. he saw you spray perfume on his blankets. he could almost smell the sweet fragrance from where he stood. it took all his might not to run to you and hold you in his arms. it's been months since he last saw you, since last summer. luke's hands fell to his sides before he twisted his body to turn the other way.

he went to the one place that gave him comfort. with his cargo pants rolled up to his knees, he watched the sun fade into the dark sky. there was no pretty sunset tonight. luke didn't think too much of omens, but he figured that was a bad sign. and when your soft footsteps thumped against the boards of the pier, he was certain that it was.

"you damn near running away from me when you saw me was not the reaction i was hoping for."

luke closed his eyes and took a deep breath. out of habit, he moved a bit to let you take your usual spot beside him. when he opened his eyes, he was met with the face he'd thought about for months. a kind smile adorned your lips. you looked different. your skin was a deeper shade, no doubt due to the california sun; your lips were pink and torn apart, like you'd been chewing on them; but your smile was the same.

"what are you doing here?"

"sorry i was late," you said, sheepishly. you played with the small braid in your hair, "i had to move out of my dorm so i had to take a later flight."

"i thought you weren't coming back," luke replied.

"heard there's a war coming," your voice sounded small. luke knew why. he'd listened to you talk about the dreams you had for yourself for hours over the past summers. the idea of an impending war meant that those dreams would take the backseat and you'd have to fight before any of them could come true. "is it true?"

"percy, a forbidden kid, poseidon's, is trying to make sure it doesn't happen."

"do you trust him?"

luke felt his heart crumble in his chest. how cruel is he to keep you in the dark like this? when the only thing you needed to feel okay was to hear that he trusted the kid meant to stop the war?

luke's voice was hoarse, "yeah, i do. beth does too."

"okay," you placed a hand on his thigh. luke stiffened at your touch. you pulled away, embarrassed. "sorry."

"don't apologize," he placed his hand next to yours. he could feel the warmth of your skin. "i've just been on edge."

"it's just me, luke."

he didn't know how to tell you that that's exactly why he was on edge. it was you. the girl he'd been in love with since he was fifteen. the girl he told everything to. the girl who knew him so well that if you were to touch him for longer than a second, you'd know everything.

this summer, for the first time since he met you, he was glad you didn't show up to camp. he knew that the minute you were in front of him, he'd tell you everything and there was a chance you'd want nothing to do with him after it. that was something luke couldn't handle. but now you're here, looking at him like this like his actions just hurt you.

"'m sorry, angel."

"you're acting different, luke."

"'m sorry."

"i don't need an apology," you said. "i want to know why."

luke rubbed his face with his hands, "i don't know, okay?"

"you're lying to me," you were frowning now. luke was angry. he wasn't angry at you, he was angry at the whole situation, but it didn't matter. he was taking it out on you.

"gods, angel, can you just-- not right now," he groaned. you got a good look at him. his eyes were tired, shoulders slumped like he'd been carrying a weight on his shoulders with no reprieve. "i don't really feel like talking."

"you don't have to be mean about it."

he didn't feel like himself anymore. he would never talk to you like this, but there was something in him that made him snap. luke scoffed, "i'm not being mean, you're just being so pushy right now."

you blinked, pulling your hand away from his. shivers ran down your spine, "luke, what the fuck?"

"what?" he stood up. you followed suit. under the moonlight, you saw how dull his brown eyes were. they no longer carried the same glow when he looked at you. luke's eyebrows were furrowed, eyes narrowed, "i just can't handle this right now, okay? can you just drop it?"

"i'm just trying to talk to you!" you raised your voice, disbelief on your features. you walked towards him. holding his face in your hands. he was crying. you wiped away his tears. "i just missed you, okay? i just wanna talk to you because i haven't gotten to in months and i'm miserable."

he let out a shaky breath, your touch grounding him. he felt himself coming back to him. he nuzzled his cheek in your palm, kissing the flesh there as he mumbled apologies into the night.

"i missed you so much," a sob escaped your lips. luke didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around you, continuing his train of apologies into your ear. you continued, "i-i thought that you'd be happy to see me because i've been counting down the days until i saw you again and i just thought that even though the world was falling apart, we'd be the same. it's always been us, you know?"

"i know."

"and then you avoid me and run away from me and i just needed to see you, luke. i needed to talk to you."

"i missed you, too," he confessed. "so much, you have no idea."

"you have a funny way of showing it," you joked through your tears.

luke laughed. it shocked him. it was like he had forgotten how to. he hiccuped, removing one hand from around you to rub the tears away from his eyes, "come on."

selfishly, he ignored the pit in his stomach. he allowed himself just one more day to have you like this. as he lay on his bed, he held you close to him. he was overwhelmed with how much you filled his senses; the smell of your perfume, the feeling of your lips ghosting on his chest as you told him nonsense stories from college, the sound of your quiet giggles when he made some stupid joke, the look on your face in the dark, staring at him.

an unfamiliar feeling took over his body, rest, he realized it was, a while into lying in the darkness with you.

"i love you, you know that, right?"

luke didn't trust his voice anymore. he pulled you closer, hoping that that was enough for now.

iv. think about those years as i whisper in your ear. i'm always going to be right here.

"i love you."

you turned your head at the sound of luke's voice. camp was in disarray. percy was badly hurt and annabeth was frantic, sobbing about how luke was behind it all. you ran away after hearing it.

you didn't want to believe it, but it was annabeth. she wouldn't say that about luke unless it was true. you knew it killed her just the same to accept it.

"what are you doing here, castellan?"

it felt like a dagger was plunged into luke's heart. he'd heard his name leave your lips in different ways over the years; jokingly, angrily, but never like this. disappointment.

"i couldn't leave without telling you," luke licked his lips, keeping his distance. he was pressing his shirt on the spot percy broke skin. he looked down at his feet, "couldn't leave without letting you know that i love you."

"why did you do it?"

"i don't know."

"okay," you walked towards him. "when did you get so comfortable with lying to me?"

"angel," he sounded broken. "please, don't do this."

"you were wrong, by the way," you said. "you're not stuck here anymore, but i don't think the place you'll end up in is any better than this."

luke was silent.

"go, luke," you whispered. "don't make it any worse than it already is."

he nodded. this was it. you watched as he disappeared into the dark.

you were too preoccupied with your thoughts to notice it then; your mind was plagued with worry, but in the gaps of the wooden pier, a single hibiscus flower bloomed under your feet.

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sublimitymp3 · 10 months

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hi hope you have a nice day :) if you have time could you write hotd's yandere boys (estranged) romantic reaction to his reader wife giving birth to twins? (I apologize in advance if this bothers you or something I swear I didn't mean to :( take care :)

I'm back 😈😈😈

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Aegon was madly in love with you, his darling wife, but he never quite knew how to show it. He had awful habits of drinking, whoring, and gambling, only pushing you further away from him. Each time he'd come crying to you on his knees promising he'd do better, you'd hold him and suppress your feelings, but enough was enough. You were pregnant, carrying his child and he couldn't even make an effort to stop his wanton ways. You were fed up, and rightfully so. You had moved into your own separate apartments, eating your meals alone in your rooms, and avoiding places around the Red Keep you knew your husband would frequent. Eventually, the months passed, and you neared closer to giving birth each day, until one night, your labors finally had begun. Aegon was at some brothel wasting away and getting drunker by the second it seemed. He had no clue you were in the midst of your labors, nor that you would be bringing in not one, but two of his babes into the world. It is only the next day does he wake from his slumber, hungover and feeling ill, does he find out you had given birth. He rushes to your chambers to see you sitting up in bed, cradling two swaddled babes, each one with little tufts of white hair and violet eyes. He'd immediately burst into tears at the sweet sight, begging for your forgiveness and swearing to the old Gods and the new that he would change his lecherous ways for you and his newborn children. Despite your apprehension to forgive him, deep down inside you strangely felt that he would truly honor his promise this time.

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Aemond seemed so cold to you. He was distant and rarely ever spoke to you unless it was necessary. Even when you'd try to initiate conversation he'd only respond cooly with a yes, no, or a simple hum of acknowledgment. You'd tell yourself at night when you lay alone in bed that it could've been worse. He could've been prone to striking you, or he could flaunt paramours in your face. He could've been a drunkard, a wastrel, or a cruel and sadistic husband. However, your efforts to comfort yourself would be in vain, as the feeling of loneliness festered within.

Despite Aemond being a withdrawn husband, you both had done your duty on your wedding night and so it was no surprise you had fallen pregnant. Unbeknownst to you, Aemond was growing more and more obsessive over you once he had been told you were now carrying his child. He didn't mean to be quite neglectful, he only wished to not overwhelm you with his less-than-normal feelings of obsession towards you. He practically stalked you, despite the fact you two were married and expecting a child. The months passed, and Aemond would open up a bit more, showing bits of care and concern toward you in your fragile state. But even then, his actions seemed cold and his words curt. When your labors begin, Aemond remains in the hall outside the birthing room, despite wanting to rush to your side. He decided right then and there as he heard your screams of pain that he would no longer keep up this distant farce. He didn't care if you'd find his attentions odd, he just couldn't bear to torture himself or you any longer. Once he could hear the wails of a baby, he'd rush into the room to be greeted with the sight of two, small, and wailing babes laying on your chest. He'd come to your side, pressing a kiss to your cheek as he admired your newborn twins with a small smile. You felt hope for your marriage at that tender moment, the first hope you had felt in such a long time.

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Jacaerys loves you so much, he truly does, but sometimes you feel as though he puts his duties of being heir above you. He takes his role extremely seriously, as his mother's claim is already shaky due to her being a woman, and his even more so due to the concerns of him being legitimate or not. He doesn't mean to neglect you, to dismiss your attempts at spending time with him, or to hardly inquire about his babe that grows within you. By the time he notices, the damage is already done. You had given up any attempts to spend time with him, to conversate with him, or to merely be in his presence. It seemed to you that he put his duty before you, and you couldn't see how you could change that. Honestly, Jace is so sweet I can't imagine him not immediately coming to you and apologizing immensely for being an inattentive husband, so for the sake of this, let us imagine he finally realizes the effect his actions have on you by the time you are in the midst of your labors. He'd be pacing outside the birthing room, mentally chastising himself for being so foolish. How could he have ever been so stupid to leave you alone when you needed him most? How could he be so cruel to the one he loved most? Your muffled screams of pain from beyond the door shattered his heart even more, and all he could do was wait in borderline painful anticipation. When the maester does let him in the room, he rushes to your side. He apologizes immensely, kissing your tears away and brushing the hair that sticks to your sweaty face out of the way. When he holds the twins for the first time, you watch him adoringly. Everything seemed right again.

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Ser Criston didn't get to see you much. You two were wedded in secret, as due to his vows as a member of the King's Guard, he wasn't allowed to wed or father children. You were a common girl, living in the city, and Ser Criston spent his days and nights at the Red Keep. He could only visit you on his rare days off, and even then those were kept brisk due to his paranoia someone would discover you. You had always tried your best to be understanding, after all, you knew what you were getting into by being romantically involved with a member of the King's Guard. But an awful thought would always linger in your mind whenever you would see Ser Criston: did he regret marrying you? The thought would persist, never leaving like some parasite that had latched onto you. In fact, as the months passed and your stomach swelled with his child, it only grew. He looked uneasy every time he'd stare too long at your pregnant belly, only feeding that awful thought in the back of your mind. Sometimes, you would even find yourself questioning your marriage to him, doubting it all. Your marriage grew tense, and though none of you voiced these feelings, it was evident the doubts festered within both of you. The day Ser Criston visited you after you had brought his twins into the world, he looked shocked. The color seemed to drain from his face, as he saw them. Not one, but two, living breathing children, evidence he had broken his vows. But the heartbroken expression on your face as you held back tears slapped him back into reality. He would quickly kneel by your side, whispering to you how he loved you and the babes more than anything, and that he regretted nothing. When he finally holds the babes, his smile was so genuine, and his eyes were filled with nothing but love. At that moment, those awful doubts faded from your mind, never to be thought of again.

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Daemon longed for battle. He loved you dearly, and so desperately wanted to stay put with you and your unborn babe. But when the fighting in the Stepstones had begun, and the perfect opportunity to spite his brother for refusing to name him heir arose, he couldn't resist. You had begged him to stay, far too worried for the peril he would most certainly face during battle, and fearing for his life. He brushed you off, leaving you behind.

You spent your nights alone, praying to the Seven to keep your lord husband safe so that your child would have a father. He barely wrote to you, and you found yourself getting more and more frustrated at him for leaving you and your child behind to participate in some war that didn't concern him that much. And it wasn't like he wanted to help for some noble cause, you knew he only joined to spite his brother. Instead of spending the remainder of your pregnancy happy with the notion of your child growing within you, you spent it crying tears of anger and sadness.

When Daemon first hears word from a messenger that you had given birth to healthy twins, he abandoned his petty attempts to establish his own kingdom to spite the king. He would return to you as fast as he could, proud that you had given him two strong and healthy heirs. Daemon wasn't the best at saying apologies and preferred to show them through actions. The Stepstones could wait, all he needed right now was to be with you and the newborn twins.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

when that 3am inspiration pulls you out of your sixth month hiatus 😍

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spacebarbarianweird · 4 months

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I wish I could do this as an ask from @astarionsbeloved but Tumblr is bein Tumblr.

I'd like to ask for a head canon! Astarion with an autistic partner? As an adult autistic afab who was very late diagnosed and is constantly struggling to balance things (including skill regression which I seriously wish they'd talk about more), I'd love to read someone else's personal head canon for this.

Ok, this one was difficult! Thanks @rachelle-on-the-run for tips!

Astarion x Autistic Tav

Masterlist

Headcanons

You have always been aware something is off with you.

It's not like you are sick or deranged, but you have had difficulties communicating with other people or understanding what this world wants from you.

You can't read social cues, often don't get the context, and are absolutely oblivious about flirting.

Your family has always blamed it on you - just take a grip! What do you mean, you can't go outside without a weird black cape that was given to you ages ago?

What do you mean you can't hold your tears? Are you a toddler?

Grow up!

The kidnapping and getting the tadpole in your brains really take a toll on you.

You can't sleep in the tent. You've lost your black cape.

There are too many people around you. You have to sleep in different places every night. You have to eat what you manage to find, not your comfort food.

You see it as a chance to get this grip. You can. You are an adult. You can make your brain work!

For a while, you manage to do so. But you can't understand why Astarion pays so much attention to you.

Until Gale tells you that it's flirting.

You are embarrassed. With little to no sexual experience, you just thought Astarion was friendly!

And you absolutely can't read the room which ends up with Gale being offended by your comments about his personal life, and Shadowheart almost puts some sort of a curse on you just because you blurted something insensitive.

And yep, you've crossed Astarion's boundaries a few times. Because you just couldn't understand why certain things hurt him.

And then, something horrible happens.

There is a battle. Not the bloodiest, not the most difficult.

But you have a meltdown.

It's just too much. Too many sounds, too many people, too much, too much.

You cry and scream, throwing objects into the wall.

The whole party is embarrassed.

But not Astarion.

He gently takes you to the camp where he tugs you in the blanket while speaking something soft in Elven.

And then he leaves you alone making sure no one from the camp disturbs you.

When you feel better you crawl outside to notice him sitting with a book.

"I am sorry", you sniff.

"Don't. It's not your fault. Besides, I should admit, you've done your best all this time."

You are shocked. There is understanding in his voice.

"It's just how your brain works, Tav. You are overwhelmed easily, it's ok."

He helps you to re-create your routine making it workable at the camp.

He even gets you a comfort cape - not like the one you used to have, but a very similar one.

Astarion also looks for food you can eat as a picky eater and scolds anyone at camp who tries to ostracize you

At the sametime , he doesn't allow anyone to infantilize you.

You are a grown adult so is he. You can make decisions and deal with consequences.

For him it's a nice change as well - he has to be very clear with you saying what he wants and why.

You have to deal with a stigma - people who know you often call Astarion a predator because he sleeps with a person who is "mentally ill."

He doesn't take any of this bs. You aren't ill. You know what you do.

Mostly.

With time, he learns how to deal with your meltdowns and even predict them. He professionally takes you away from the possible triggers and makes sure you are okay.

You shower him with your affection - sometimes unpredictable, sometimes crossing his boundaries.

You accidentally help him deal with his back scars. You just didn't realize you weren't supposed to touch them.

You started rubbing his back with your gentle fingers and before Astarion managed to get away from you, he suddenly realized it felt nice.

It is still a lot of work for you two.

But you glad to share this journey with each other.

Tag list

@tugoslovenka @marcynomercy @wintersire @vixstarria@not-so-lost-after-all @ashiro20 @theearthsfinalconfession @herstxrgirl @starlight-ipomoea @micropoe10 @astarion-imagine-archive @veillsar @elora-the-slutty-songstress @fayeriess @lumienyx@astarion-beloved @tallymonster @caitlincat-95@tragedybunny @valeprati @lynnlovesthestars

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starleska · 1 year

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Hey I saw your fainting request and thought it looked great....I have a request of my own...

Can...you do wally x reader who is autistic? Like gets distracted and/or hyperfixated on things easily, does stims like arm flapping as an example, and other stuff?

Just love wally from welcome home ever since I randomly stumbled upon welcome home! I wish they would 'find tapes of the show' so we could legit watch the episodes and stuff! Imagine the glitches and tibits they could add in! Oh I'd love it! And I adore the puppets and this adorable horror so much!

oh hell yeah, this is the ask i was waiting for!!! 🔥🔥🔥 of course i can fill out this prompt for you darling - i'm autistic myself, and it's my headcanon that every single member of the Welcome Home cast is some shade of neurodivergent 🥰💖 the lovely official arm-flapping art of both Julie and Frank is all the evidence i need!! plus, Wally sleeping on a cake...i'm choosing to believe he's a big fan of that kind of texture 😂💖 speaking of!...

Wally Darling x Autistic Reader headcanons

⭐ when you first tell Wally you're autistic, he doesn't quite grasp the concept. he nods when you give the clinical definition, but it's clear he doesn't understand why you're making the distinction. however, when you first describe your special interests, Wally's eyes light up! he grabs a pencil and his sketchbook, and quickly scrawls a crude picture of your mutual neighbour Frank, along with a host of pretty butterflies. then, right by his side Wally doodles himself, surrounded by floating apples. "It's good to be excited by things," says Wally, with all the sage wisdom of a tenured professor. ever distracted, he flips to a new page and carefully (his tongue sticks out during the process!) renders you in pencil. then, he fills in the blank space with pretty, stylised doodles of all your most beloved interests - even the obscure ones which are not easily communicated in picture form 💖 from that moment on, you know you and Wally are kindred spirits. ⭐ stimming is something Wally does regularly, and he loves it when you stim too!! Wally's most prominent stim is singing - he's constantly humming a tune or thoughtlessly mumbling lyrics to himself, sometimes from known songs, and sometimes from original compositions. Wally is also prone to pacing and threading his fingers together when he's nervous or stressed: a rare occurrence, as his outward persona is typically bright and relaxed. however, Wally never wants his pals to feel left out: if his friends are stimming, he'll quite happily mirror the movements!! Julie adores it when Wally flaps along with her, and although Frank will never admit it, he appreciates when Wally sits on the floor and rocks with him. whichever stims you prefer, he's always delighted to be a part of what helps you navigate the world and make your body and brain feel better 🥰 ⭐ Wally loves to give you deep-pressure hugs. your new neighbourhood is a kind and accepting place, but even you can become overwhelmed by its sweet, rainbow brightness. you don't know why, but one particularly hypersensitive day, you begin to approach a meltdown and have nowhere to escape. without a word, Wally slips his soft, fuzzy arms around your waist and pulls you into his chest, face-first. his strength is astonishing, and although you have an initial moment of panic, all that tension and terror starts to slip away as you inhale his unique fruit-felt scent. Wally hums to you as he holds you - and keeps you in his arms until you feel relaxed enough to slip out of your own accord 🥺 i hope this is what you were looking for, anon :3c i know we all have our unique experiences as autistic people, but i hope this was broad enough and relevant to you. have a great day 😊💖

#wally darling #wally darling x reader #welcome home #welcome home arg #starleskasks #starleskawrites #wally darling x you

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another-lost-mc · 1 year

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When MC Misses Their Sibling Headcanons | LUCIFER, MAMMON, LEVIATHAN, LUKE and SOLOMON 1.4k words | SFW | gn!Reader | Angst | Hurt and Not Much Comfort Content warnings: MC has a sibling(s) and there are implied feelings of isolation, depression, loneliness, poor treatment/bullying by the demon brothers, etc. Mentions of MC's hypothetical sibling that also misses them. The sibling mentioned isn't named/uses gender-neutral pronouns. A/N: I felt oddly emotional about my brother's birthday today so this happened.

LUCIFER

Lucifer knows about your human world family - he read your file when you were selected for the program. He understands why you don't want to be here, and why you keep demanding they send you home, but he reminds you that you were chosen.

He doesn’t tell his brothers about your family - you can tell them yourself when/if you want to.

He tries to show some leniency towards you while you adjust to living with his family in place of your own.

The longer you live in the Devildom, he sees part of himself in you when you step in to keep his brothers from causing too much trouble.

He’s almost proud of your defiance when you stand up to him on their behalf if you think he’s being unfair or cruel.

Did the Devildom bring out this protective streak in you, or were you this protective of your sibling too?

When he thinks you've finally accepted your place, you try to dote on him when you feel more sentimental and nurturing. He’s not used to someone else caring about him that way.

Likewise, you turn to him for support or protection when you feel intimidated or overwhelmed. He tries to minimize your hardship and suffering because it’s easier to do that than trying to comfort you later when the damage is already done.

He knows deep down that his family is a poor substitute for your own. Like most of the difficult decisions he has to make for the sake of the Devildom, he tells himself that bringing you here is for the greater good.

MAMMON

Mammon frustrates you because his idea of fun often descends into recklessness or chaos. You go along with a lot of his ideas, even if you don’t want to, because you’re desperate for companionship and a sense of belonging.

When Mammon’s schemes are too outlandish or outright dangerous for you to condone, you try to reason with him - sometimes he listens, sometimes he doesn’t.

Mammon hurts you when you first arrive. He butters you up and spends time with you as an excuse to search your room and take things he can pawn (or he just really likes something you have, and he wants it).

You catch him sometimes, or his brothers stop him, and he apologizes, but it takes a long time for you to believe his apologies are genuine. It's hard to trust him.

Things improve over time, especially after you make a pact with him - but you still wish he was less impulsive with his gambling and that he would stop trying to steal valuables from people.

(You know he doesn't really stop doing it because you ask him to - he just gets better at hiding it so you’re not too disappointed in him).

As his feelings for you continue to grow, Mammon tries to compensate for how he treated you before. He doesn’t want to be just a friend or just a brother in your eyes, and he refuses to believe he can't change your mind.

LEVIATHAN

Your sibling likes anime and games, and you like anime and games, so you think Levi might be the easiest of the demon brothers to connect with.

Well, you were wrong.

At first he wants nothing to do with you, and he insults you.

Later on, he decides to test you. He asks oddly specific questions about Devildom game titles - ones that don't exist where you come from - and he laughs and calls you a noob when you can’t answer any of them.

Levi is not like your sibling, because your sibling isn’t a gatekeeping asshole.

You and Levi do eventually bond over other things, and when he starts to trust you, he shares his anime and game collection with with you too.

He tells himself he doesn’t feel bad for how he treated you when you first arrived, but he still makes an effort to make up for it anyway.

No matter what he does, there’s a part of you deep down that never forgets how cruel he was to you. Your sibling would never do that to you is a thought that replays in your mind when you remember Levi's mockery.

You eventually forgive him, but those are some of the painful memories you dwell on when you feel homesick.

LUKE

It’s natural to feel protective of Luke, and he gravitates to your human nature and kind disposition.

You adopt him like he’s another sibling of your own, and you spend time with him outside of class and share your hobbies with him.

In turn, he invites you over to try a new dessert recipe, or to do homework together. He thinks he needs to keep an eye on you - he still doesn’t trust those demons you live with.

He notices that sometimes you start to call him a name he doesn’t recognize, but you catch yourself and pretend you didn't say anything. Sometimes you call him a name he doesn’t recognize and you don’t even notice.

He ignores it at first, but one day he gets curious and finally asks you who it is you’re speaking of. He lets you talk about your sibling as much or as little as you want - he doesn’t want to pry.

You feel guilty and reassure him that you like him for who he is, and you’re happy to have him as a friend. You smile and tell him your sibling would probably like him, too.

Later, you both pretend your eyes aren’t red and watery from crying. Luke declares you should help him make cookies, and he hopes the distraction helps you feel better.

When you leave for the evening, Luke is angry and Simeon can’t figure out why he's so upset. All Luke tells him is that those demons should be ashamed of themselves for what they put you through.

He becomes even more protective of you after that.

SOLOMON

Solomon is warned early on by Lucifer and Barbatos that due to security reasons, you’re not allowed contact with the human world, especially your friends and family.

He doesn’t understand why they bother telling him that, until you start asking him to try and contact your family for you.

At first he doesn't really care, but the more you try to bargain with him to do this for you, your desperation becomes unbearable.

You approach him one day with an envelope and an address and won't take no for an answer.

It’s just a birthday card for someone, I swear there’s nothing written inside that would jeopardize the Devildom, you can even read it if you want to. Please—?

He doesn’t make any promises (plausible deniability and all), but he does as you ask and visits the address you give him that same day.

It’s late afternoon when he arrives in front of an ordinary looking house, and he hears quiet conversation around the back. It’s easy enough to hide his presence and eavesdrop on whoever is in the backyard - curiosity gets the better of him.

Someone your age - or perhaps a bit younger - sits on the patio with an older couple. They have your smile, and their cheeks dimple the same way yours do. He realizes this is your sibling and parents.

There’s a small birthday cake on the table but the mood feels somber.

Your family falls into uncomfortable silences between random, trivial conversations. Your sibling glances at the empty chair next to them.

“Hey, where do you think…? Nevermind.”

Your very existence is something that they can’t even talk about, and their expressions are equally sorrowful and frustrated.

Solomon recalls seeing the same heartbroken expression on your face during all those times you complained to him about living in the Devildom.

Was this the best solution that Diavolo could come up with when they dragged you into the exchange program?

When Solomon leaves the envelope in the mailbox for your sibling to find, he feels like an accomplice to cruelty and wonders if there’s more he can do to help you.

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underdark-dreams · 7 months

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Request from @smolpocketmonstercoffee that I accidently deleted when I was trying to kill a spider (fucking wish I was kidding 😭)

🖤 HCs: Dammon / Rolan as new dads 🖤

Dammon:

Dammon seems like the type to want a family, probably a large one, and let’s be honest fatherhood would come SO naturally to him

After everything he’s been through in Elturel and Avernus, the challenge of raising a child doesn’t phase him one bit

Much more elated than he is nervous about the prospect

When Dammon holds his baby for the first time, he wants you to be right beside him. Pulls you close so you can look at this beautiful new little life together

He might say something a little sappy (“Look at what we made, love”), but coming from him it is somehow 100% sincere and extremely sweet

He’s that type of dad to have a conversation with his baby whenever they’re fussing/crying

“Oh dearest. Oh darling. What’s the matter? Hush, little one, I’m here—”

He would rock his baby to sleep with stories about Elturel and their people's history. Even when they’re still too little to understand, it’s very important to him that your child learns about their culture and where they came from

You both do a great job at alternating the night shift duties during the first months. Dammon offers to generously take more than his share, even when he's running on 2 hours of sleep already. But you know he needs all the rest he can get since his work takes a lot of energy

During the day he wears one of those baby slings to keep your child wrapped safe and secure against his chest, even while he's at work in his forge

You're a little skeptical about it until you glimpse your baby’s eyes closed fast asleep against Dammon even as he loudly tempers a sword with his hammer. Truly their father's child. It's the most adorable picture

As a dad, Dammon would place a lot of weight on teaching your child the difference between right and wrong. He encourages them to be thoughtful and kind to others always

And he's a very kind father himself. When your little one gets hurt, they run to Dammon 90% of the time over you for comfort. He's the resident expert at kissing it better

He makes them feel secure they can come to him with anything, even when they messed up/did something bad

Sometimes Dammon is too much of a softie and lets his child get away with little things. Many bedtimes are extended when Dammon is left in charge. He just doesn't always have the will to resist their little hands grabbing his face to ask please

And he’s so easily distracted whenever his kid wants to play. He’ll abandon his work for hours to take them on walks to the park, build with toys, wrestle, all of it. You find them out in the yard playing knights a lot

Dammon loves when they’re old enough to go for rides on his shoulders, little hands holding on to his horns for balance. He takes them around the city and plays ‘say what you see’ to help them learn their words

---------

Rolan:

Of course, he is overjoyed when you tell him. But something tells me Rolan’s next reaction to finding out he’s going to be a dad would be a very focused and existential freakout

There’s so many things he has to do, you and he have so much to prepare for, he wants his child to come into a perfect world & feels responsible for making it that way

Bit of a panic attack dad. You have to encourage him to breathe & relax & take things one day at a time

Late at night though, you just know Rolan’s lying awake wondering what if you two didn’t pre-pre-register for the absolute best preschool in Baldur’s Gate?

They’re his child, so they’re bound to be a magical prodigy. And he is determined to give them every advantage he never had growing up

When holding his baby for the first time: the first thing he feels is a sense of overwhelming protectiveness

Rolan has experienced some dark, unfair shit in his life. He knows the world can be a very harsh and unforgiving place, especially to Tieflings

Rolan always thought of himself as a more instinctual, look-out-for-yourself-first type. But looking at this tiny bundle in his arms, he would give anything to protect them

He's overwhelmed with love at every detail: tail no longer than his palm, ruddy skin the same shade as his, little golden eyes blinking up at him

"They've got my eyes!" He tells you in pure excitement, smiling and tearing up at the same time

Rolan is surprisingly natural with all the infant care things: changing, feeding, putting down for sleep, etc. He picked up a lot from growing up in foster homes and taking care of Cal and Lia when they were all young

That doesn’t make him any more conscious when it’s his turn to wake up in the middle of the night. He will rise from bed like a zombie, eyes barely cracked open, tending to his little one’s cries guided by an overwhelming force of instinct

Although he's got a lot of responsibility on his shoulders as master of Ramazith Tower, Rolan insists on splitting up childcare duties evenly so you can get your own work done. Balances your little cooing Tiefling baby on his hip while he’s giving his pupils their evocation lecture

They all respect him too much to say anything about it (ok Rolan is still pretty intimidating too)

If and when his child shows their first signs of magical talent, Rolan is completely overcome with emotion. He might have to excuse himself for a minute to collect his feelings alone

He was hoping this day would come, but he could never be sure. They will have the best, most patient, most dedicated teacher in all of Faerûn

He’s an excellent teacher with other things, too. Rolan always wants to hear about what your little one learned in school today & he’s always ready to help with homework or extra tutoring

And when it comes to babysitting, Cal and Lia are lifesavers. They make it possible for you and Rolan to slip away for some alone time at least once a week

#rolan bg3 #bg3 rolan #bg3 dammon #dammon bg3 #bg3 headcanons #baldur's gate 3 spoilers #bg3 spoilers #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #underdark-dreams #smolpocketmonstercoffee

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from-izzy · 29 days

Text

yesterday's petal | nct na jaemin

“I see.” A petal of yesterday falls. “I’ll take care of them now.”

pairing » nct na jaemin x gn!reader (lmk if i missed anything!)

trope/au » non-idol au!, established relationship au!

genre » angst! just full angst!, grief and longing, reader remembering all the good times spent with jaemin, hurt and hope to move on, boyfriend na jaemin who took care of you so well, and you who loved him as much as he loves you

word count, estimated reading time » 1628, ~6 mins

warnings (lmk if i missed anything!) » major character death, grief and loss, sorry not proofread 😭

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 part of 'especially to you...'

didn't think that my first nct story on this app would be this but...i needed this badly...

i am also getting back into nct! i might be able to go to dream's concert this year and i'm so excited! feel free to send me some nct content and help me catch up hehe

but other than that...

in a world where everyone seems to fit in so well and so easily...i hope that someday things will be better for me 🫂

With the amount of times you hit the door frame against the overhanging bell of the shop, it’s no surprise that the older woman recognises you.

Usually, she greets her customers brightly, especially those who look nervous and overwhelmed by her overflowing love and care towards the flowers that she prides herself on. At first, it was like that for you too, but the brightness of it all only lasted a few milliseconds at most.

She’s not new to her job; no, she’s not. She’s been doing this for years, having been brought up to it by her mother who has heavily influenced her to decorate all kinds of events with the delicate being, bringing in colours from one corner of the room to the other. But she knew the second you walked in her door without having to take your hat, scarf or sunglasses off, that you’re different from any of the other customers.

She can sense it from far away: a heart that has stopped beating. Amidst the chaotic, busy world, where most of the time a pin cannot be heard even in the library, she can feel the dejected feeling that your heart clenches painfully and that it never begs to differ. She wonders if you’ve always been like this or if you change under a different circumstance. Did her shop remind you of something unpleasant? Was it making you remember a painful memory that you never want to revisit ever again?

But you always kept coming back. If not every day, every second day. And this, without fail.

She wishes she had the courage to ask why the corners of your lips have never raised, why your hands are always limped by your side, swaying tirelessly beside your even tired heart. She wishes she could ask why your eyes are always so puffy and sometimes bloodshot when you bow to her as a greeting whenever you exit. And, she would always wonder the reason behind why you would pick up the same flowers every time. Again, with the number of times you visit, she wonders if you’re giving them away or if you just like to fill your room, and perhaps at this point house, just like her.

She never asks because of the way you held the stem of her flowers between your hands. It’s an interesting way to handle her art: you rest the bottom of the stem on your palm with your fingers curving up to make a little bowl while the fingers of your other hand are curled towards the centre of your palm, the little circle however always big enough that when you step over to the counter, the green stalk bounces around the circumference of the circle as you take your step towards her.

Just like every other day, you tapped your card on the machine and left after mouthing a ‘thank you’ when the affirmatory tick was displayed on the screen, a pair of curious eyes behind your slumped shoulders.

Your feet take you to the place that you go to every day, the navigation of getting there already deeply ingrained in you to even try and suppress. With each step, comes the setting of the city that you used to walk with your beloved boyfriend. So many memories are spent in every turn of the city, with every store being visited once whether it be a cafe or a baby clothing store. There was usually no purpose to your visits but the hand that held yours tightly made you remember that sometimes roaming around with no purpose brings the best moments in life.

The scent of the ramen shop across the street makes you hold your breath for a second, not wanting to trigger the accompanying cilantro scent that your nose remembers. The whirring of the coffee machine that you just passed only makes the inside of your mouth dry, remembering the unhealthy shots of caffeine that your boyfriend would drink without a thought in mind. The uneven paths of the ground play with your balance but this time, Na Jaemin isn’t here to hold on to you or even playfully joke around with you to say that he will ‘never let you fall the same way you already fell for him now’.

God, you just want to experience them again.

The way your friends found their significant others while you mull over the fact that Jaemin has left and will never come back. Not in this life, at least. So many times you would pray that you’ll find someone else but even when another person has shown interest in you and you accepted their offer to take you out on a date, you find yourself only thinking of Jaemin endlessly.

At first, you thought he cursed you. Just like how he would say he would if you ever woke him up from his after-school nap even though it was supposed to be a movie date at the cinemas.

But now you know that you’re just not ready for the change that took away the only person who loves you and that you love back an infinite times more. You’re not ready to have another person holding you, kissing you and whispering sweet nothings to you no matter your mood.

You just want Na Jaemin back.

“Hey…” You arrive at your destination, the glossy stone reflecting the sullen look on your face, hair messy both from the win and simply not caring about readjusting it back; that was supposed to be Jaemin’s thing after all. “How are you doing today?”

Your choice of clothing today is questionable: white shorts when you know that you will be sitting down on the ungrassed Earth. Nevertheless, it didn’t stop you because all you wanted after a tiring day of high school and trailing behind your friends who had their arms joined with the love of their life, is to just talk to Jaemin in a more eye-levelled state.

The conversations are endless and you make sure not to leave the slightest bit of detail from the day. You try your hardest to be positive, knowing well that Jaemin will always like you that way but one of the reasons why you love him is because if you did cry, he would still love and care for you without judgement or doubt. And the realisation that you’ll never see those eyes that you have fallen in love and would get lost in sinks in again.

You sob. Cry. Weep. Bawl.

You could scream. Yell. Shout.

And it’s killing you inside all the same.

“I’m so tired of being so lonely when there’s so many people around me, Nana.” Your chin rests on your folded knees to your chest, arms around your legs but hands still holding the flower the same as before. “I’m so tired of being jealous of my friends that they’re still making happy memories with their other person.” The tears stream down your face even more, gulping down your sorrows and pain.

You relish how the coldness of the wind numbed your cheek; at least you’re feeling something.

“I do believe that the time when everything will be better will come and I do believe that the more I understand my feelings, it will get better eventually,” you sniff and gasp out of air, “but I still wish that I didn’t have to rely on time. I wish that I didn’t have to delve in deep and go through all of this.”

His name engraved on the stone only made it harder for you to see anything, your tears blurring your surroundings and the wind only making you cry harder. You take in a shaky breath and though it was not satisfactory, you’re still thankful that it gave you a little more energy to get lost in the feeling of grief.

“I love you.” You repeat a few more times. “And I hope that someday, whenever I hear your name, only the good memories and things you taught me will replay in my head.”

Your fingers reach over to the curves and lines of his name and you smile remembering how his mother included you in the font and general typography, knowing how much the relationship that you both shared has always been a healthy one for both ends. You continue to run over the engraving more, moving your hand back and forth. You continue to blurt out your last few moments of the day along with your plans for the next twenty-four hours before you would rant to him again.

But like you said, time will eventually come and make it all better and currently, the heaviness in your chest is more bearable now. You jump up to your more stable feet, eyes on the flowers that cover the front side of the base. Slowly, you laid the new one between the ones from before. You stare at how it finds its place so easily despite being only introduced a few seconds ago, and you nod at how it may not be you anytime soon.

As you spare a final glance at the fresh flower on top of the one that you just gifted him yesterday, you note the peace that it’s finally been given, still and no longer twirling and swirling in the circle that you have made for it.

When you walk away, the flower looks at how you drag your feet across the soil, and the yesterday flower whispers, “They're still the same as yesterday.” A message that has continued and passed on from the very first one that you laid in hopes of Jaemin knowing that he’s never forgotten.

“I see.” A petal of yesterday falls. “I’ll take care of them now.”

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 'especially to you...'

tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here or removed!): @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️ @kflixnet 📺🍿 @sanaxo-o

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cinnajun · 2 years

Text

ᵕ̈ ೫˚∗: aftermath | ljn

summary | you're sick—it's unavoidable, you can't be healthy all the time. unfortunately, the night before you came down with the fever, you had a massive fight with your boyfriend, who is the only person available to take care of you.

genre | a bit of angst and fluff

wc | 1.3k

a/n: i don't think i've ever had a worse parasocial relationship than my one with jeno <3 peace and love hope u enjoy

jaemin's ver

SOMETIMES, you seriously think the world is out to get you.

As you lay in bed, curled up into a ball and coughing out a lung every couple of minutes, you wonder if you did something to deserve the past 24 hours of your life. You’d felt just fine yesterday, running every errand under the sun and having a genuinely productive day up until dinner.

Jeno was a good boyfriend, and your relationship was a good one—he never missed an anniversary, you didn’t fight often at all, and you had a good understanding of boundaries between one another. Of course, that didn’t mean you’d never experience a bump in the road, you just wish it hadn’t been so inconveniently timed.

You don’t even remember what you were arguing about at this point, all you know is that it was mostly your fault, and it wasn’t too kind of an argument. It ended with Jeno storming out of your apartment and disappearing into the city, leaving you to cry your eyes out for the rest of the night. Then, you woke up this morning with a high fever and weak lungs, and—with no one else to turn to—you sent Jeno a pathetic text about your current state of being.

Despite all your misgivings, the mean words you threw and the general lack of reasoning behind your actions the night before, Jeno showed up about 15 minutes after your initial text with a bag of various medicines and the biggest bottled water you’d ever seen in your life.

Right now, he was sitting in bed next to you, using your TV to play some random game with Jaemin and Renjun. You hadn’t outright talked to him for most of the day, but you’d laid right next to him for hours, and he got you every single thing you needed.

When it was time to eat, he made you soup and insisted that you ate it. He made sure you were drinking water. He kept tissues next to you at all times, and wet towels for you to place on your forehead. He took your temperature every few hours. He cleaned up your kitchen and bent at your will whenever you needed him to.

Even though you were so, so terrible to him the day before.

Quietly, you pushed yourself up from your curled position, sitting on the edge of the bed for a sec.

“Need something?” Jeno asked, a hint of concern seeping through the flat tone he’d been trying to keep up all day. You just shook your head, slowly standing up and trying not to pass out from the sudden wave of dizziness that hit you.

“Restroom,” you croaked back, cringing at the pain in the back of your throat. Your steps were slow and uncoordinated, to the point where Jeno kept his eyes on you for the entire time you approached the doorway. Faintly, you could hear Renjun yelling at him to play the game, and Jaemin giggling about it at the same time.

Once you made it out into the hall, you just about burst into tears. This was seriously the worst day you’d ever lived in your life—your head hurt, hell, your whole body hurt, you couldn’t go five minutes without coughing up a storm, you felt nauseous and dizzy and overwhelmed by the sickness your body was fighting. On top of that, your boyfriend was practically ignoring you, even if he was tending to your every need.

You took your final steps into the bathroom, flicking on the light and quietly closing the door behind you. Now feeling too weak to keep standing, you slid down the wall adjacent to the sink, shoving your face into your hands. You allowed the tears to flow, crying over how you felt, how awful the last day had been, and how guilty you felt towards your beloved boyfriend. All you wanted was a hug and reassurance that you’d be better soon, but all you got was cold stares and detached care, all of which was your fault.

If you had the energy, the voice to apologize, you would’ve ages ago, but with the knives in your throat, you could barely utter more than one word at once.

A sob escaped your throat, the pain ricocheting down your neck, and it only made you cry harder. You wanted to disappear yourself and never come back out if it meant you could just stop feeling like this.

Of course, Jeno knew you better than anyone else. He could always tell when something was wrong, and he always knew when to leave you alone or when to offer his help. Three knocks resounded on the bathroom door, rhythmic and slow, informing you of Jeno’s presence.

“Can I come in?” he asked, finally losing the monotony he’d carried throughout the day. Unsure of what you wanted at that moment, you just knocked on the door back, mimicking him. He took that as a yes, opening the door just a crack and slipping through it.

Wallowing in your self-pity, you brought your knees up to your chest and kept your eyes trained on the floor. You’d rather die than look at him right now.

Jeno sat down on the floor across from you with his back pressed up against the cabinets under your sink. For a moment, both of you sat there in silence, waiting for one or the other to fill the quiet void.

“Why are you crying?”

If you’d been in better spirits, the easy response would’ve been “why do you think?” but the thought of angering him more made you feel even sicker than before.

“I’m sorry,” you managed to croak out, trying to suppress the oncoming wave of tears you felt bunching at your eyes. If you cried any harder, you would’ve coughed a bit more than your lungs out.

Jeno let out a quiet scoff, making your stomach drop to the floor. This was the part where he broke up with you, or something, telling you to get a friend to come to take care of you. He’d take all of his stuff out of your apartment, from his extra gaming laptop to all of his workout stuff, and leave without a trace, leaving you on the bathroom floor.

“Come here,” he muttered, gently grabbing your wrist and tugging at your arm, waiting for you to comply. You didn't budge, but he just kept tugging, quietly nagging for you to listen. Slowly, you gave in to his request, pushing yourself across the floor and moving to sit next to him. “Not what I meant.”

With a quick pull, Jeno had you sitting up against him, arms draped around your waist and his head on top of yours. “I’m not mad right now. You don’t need more stress.”

There were a few more beats of silence, and, when Jeno confirmed to himself that you weren’t going to talk, he continued. “We were mean to each other last night. You weren’t the only offender—I started the whole thing. If anyone should apologize, it’s me. Especially for how I’ve treated you since this morning. I’m sorry.”

“You took care of me, though.”

“It doesn’t matter what I did, I wasn’t nice about it. Okay? Now everything is settled, and it’s all back to normal, and you can stop feeling worse than you need to.” Jeno leaned down and placed a kiss on your neck, squeezing your waist in the process. “We can watch a movie or something. And, when you feel better, we can talk about things if you want. But for now, rest up, and let me take care of you more."

thank you for reading! <3

#cinna.nct #nct dream x reader #jeno x reader #lee jeno x reader #jeno scenarios #jeno imagines #nct dream imagines #nct dream scenarios #nct x reader #nct dream fluff #nct dream angst #jeno fluff #nct imagines #nct scenarios #req

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little-miss-dilf-lover · 1 year

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imagines/ headcanons (M.M x Reader)

warnings: none! just cute fluffy stuff that’s makes us sad to think about

wc: 1k

note: you guys so are lucky for me to give you an insight into our relationship unfortunately I am kidding but I really wish I wasn’t

these are just some things that I think, but if you don’t agree that’s cool too - some of these may be self indulgent

masterlist + rules

taglist

very empathetic and deeply compassionate

he’s definitely someone you can trust, especially if you go to him with a problem

an amazing listener

the softest and sweetest most babiest of babygirls

extremely protective - sometimes to a fault, but it all comes from a good place (always wants you to be safe)

very touchy always has to be touching you- feel like it’s usually hands, waist or face

when you order takeaways it’s usually chinese or pizza- feel like you probably cook for the both of you, but when you don’t want to it’s most likely one of those

he’s great with animals- I can see him with a cat, probably named something religious

I had this thought that you’d try to find new textures and things for him to feel- like you’d go out and find new stuff for him to try (like you’d both make a game or date out if it)

he’s very patient, and someone who is very understanding

he’d definitely know you better than you know yourself

your heartbeat is definitely something that grounds him- something that helps him sleep at night

you’re his safe place, as he is to you

humongous softie

you keep loads of first aid kits around his apartment- there’s tonnes stashed everywhere. and you often help clean him and mend him if and when he’s injured

he hates to leave you at night, feel like you might not like it either (not knowing if he’ll be back) but you also know he can’t not do it

^ you wait up for him every night

feel like he enjoys when you take care of him- eventhough he can take care of himself and doesn’t want to burden- he likes when you physically care for him; maybe you help trim his stubble or help him organise

if home was a person

respectful bbg

can sometimes get a little jealous and possessive

feel like he gets really overwhelmed and possibly very frustrated with himself

he always wants to help people and feels really guilty when he can’t- you always reassure him that’s it’s not all his responsibility etc

he probably gets earaches quite a bit- you get him things to help soothe it

feel like he’s a cherry person (idrk what that means, but when I look at people they sometimes look like fruit flavours, like Karen is strawberry, Foggy is blackcurrant- to me it makes sense)

very charismatic

goofy like he is in the comics

man spreads a lot - sprawls out on sofa

loves a good head scratch (bc he is a good boy ofc) likes his hair played with

you try to introduce him to new music and podcasts

he can see right through you

will always be ready to fight someone for you

you have inside jokes about how he’s was such a wh0re before you (he’s not called Matthew man-whore Murdock for nothing)

he probably jokes a lot about his lack of sight, sometimes you forget that he is actually blind, “you should see this.” “I can’t” like that kinda thing, but it’s always light and jokey- he’d never actually be offended

he doesn’t talk about you in public in front of everyone- not in a bad way, just to keep your name safe. only Foggy and Karen know about you- but they love you and love that you’re good for Matt

he literally worships that ground you walk on- admires the heck out of you. thinks you’re the most beautiful person

he’s a very reliable person

you like to help him with cases- eventhough you’re not actually allowed

protected x protector

feel like you don’t use the big lights in the apartment- you just have lots of candles around the place instead (so it’s the best of both worlds)

he loves when you read to him

drink beer together late at night- chatting and hanging out

would do anything for you

love language wise

physical touch- very touchy, loves to hold you. you help calm him etc

acts of service- he always wants to help you- no matter how big or small

quality time- he’d deeply value the time you share together, whether that be an activity together or doing different things in same space

gift giving- he probably has some trouble with this, maybe gets Foggy to get it for him (he tells him what to get) but he’s very thoughtful, so it’ll be something you’d appreciate

words of affirmation- says tonnes of cute and sweet pet names like angel, sweetheart etc. tells you how special you are

———

very encouraging

feel like he tries to look you in the eyes, but it’s for your benefit- wants to show you that he’s paying attention

he knows if and when you’re anxious, sad or uneasy etc- always knows how to help

you comfort and reassure him a lot- you don’t care how many times you have to say it either

he tries to block everything out when with you

thumb strokes on your cheeks

to him you are like fluoxetine in human form

you’re probably always getting him new suits and under-armour

very cheeky and flirtatious. sometimes cocky but in a good way- not the way that’s annoying to be around

enamoured with you

lots of pining at the beginning

great in bed (lmao sorry, couldn’t not include)

he puts a lot of pressure on himself

he knows what you want and need before you do

knows when you’re near

he loves when your heart skips a beat when you see him, it makes him feel special

he also feels and adores how excited and happy you get when listening to your fave songs or watching favourite shows

you kiss his scars to show him how much you love him

very attentive

“you’re so pretty Matt”

sometimes feels inadequate- you constantly reassure him, again you don’t care how many times you have to say it

to me his song as daredevil would be ‘28 days later slowed-soaphie’ (I was just listening to it and to me it makes perfect sense)

he’s always losing and misplacing stuff

thinks you have the sweetest and most purest personality

if you want to describe something you see, you draw them with your fingertips on him

he gets you red flowers- asks the florist for something read and pretty

you made him a ‘I am not Daredevil’ sweater, he loves it and wears all the time at home

if you’re walking together arm-in-arm on the street and people don’t move out the way, you say something like “hey! watch it.” bc you hate the thought of them being so oblivious- but Matt loves it when you do that

always caressing you, loves your curves- arms, hips, legs, the lot

likes to trace over your nose bridge and lips

you got him to draw a small heart (it won’t be perfect but that’s the point) and you get it tattooed on yourself

————

psa: being in love with a man that doesn’t exist sucks ass🥲

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lostinvasileios · 3 months

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It's actually a little overwhelming (in a good sense) being loved by a god. Their love is so pure, it's so strong and it's so -- much to feel, for lack of better words.

Deities, they know our souls. They know how to love us, and sometimes that can be frightening to know. Or, it was for me at first, haha. But, the fear always goes away whenever I'm experiencing it. Whenever I'm draped in their love.

Gentle caresses from my gods, kisses and whispered words of adoration. The burning sensations of their presence or the soft, sweet smelling reminders of how they're around. It's all so much but so perfect at the same time.

These beautiful creatures who I never imagined would once love me, and certainly not this much, have completely transformed me throughout our time together and showed me how my hands were not broken yet flowers could grow from my palms.

They showed me what it feels like to be actually loved. Nothing like I had ever imagined or experienced. Nothing like I ever could grasp. It was horrifying at first. But there's something beautiful when fear turns into acceptance and a mutual doting relationship.

I always feared that my way of love was too much if I could ever even show or feel it. I feared I was needy, that I wasn't even capable of loving for years. I feared I was absolutely undesirable, partner or not. Me being aromantic and asexual didn't help with that either. I assumed, I was cursed by something. I never knew what, but something just had a hatred for me so deep, that they took away the ability to feel what I had craved to feel and experience my entire life.

I thought I was so, entirely broken. I wish I was exaggerating.

I spent nights, endless hours, crying until I couldn't breathe. Feeling absolutely in the lowest of ruts. I hated myself. I hated existing in a world where everyone could feel love and experience something similar to fairytales while all I got was betrayals and a shattered emotional system.

I forced myself to love, to try and love people who never saw my heart, yet what laid in front. I forced myself to accept the attention I got from my past just to feel what I thought was love. It only... Ended up in more conflicting emotions, however.

I thought it was pointless. Absolutely meaningless for me to ever have a hope of feeling love. I went through many, many trials with the way I saw how love "should" be portrayed.

It was... A really rough time going through all of that.

Eventually, I felt very sensitive. Extremely. I found out that's just - you know - how I am. I'm a very vulnerable lover. I'm very in touch with my emotions. My intense emotions. I hated that for a long time. I thought it was better to be numb than to have the passionate emotions I do.

And... Now, if I'm going to be honest, I love how emotional I am. I've grown to be in awe of myself for that. For how poetically in love I can get. How many tears I can cry and how much my heart can expand for my deities. I couldn't be where I am now without Apollon mostly, to be real.

Apollon saw all my pain, he heard all of my cries and he handled all of my "no, no, you're just saying that" mood swings whenever he would say something sweet to me. And he never gave up on me. It makes me tear up thinking about how extremely gentle he is with me. Especially during times where he knows I can be quite harmful to myself.

How he can listen to all of my fears and give me nothing but kisses and words of safety instead of scolding and insults like I expected. Apollon knew I was so very afraid of love, of touch, of trust, of everything, basically. And he took every step in his power to help me. To guide me to a place of confidence, of security and healing. He gave me hope. He gave me a reason to live and quit my bad habits. A sight to the beauty in myself and my life.

He held me tenderly when I was bawling, he talked me through my attacks, he kissed my stinging face when I calmed down. He helped me in ways I never even wanted to think about, because of how badly those areas hurt to consider fixing up. He patched my wounds for me and sealed them with a kiss.

Being loved by my deities saved my life. It changed my life. It was so confusing at first. So, so scary to think about. To reach out, to accept a calling, to accept my authentic self.

For a while I kept thinking "what did I do to deserve you/this?"

And each time...

Apollon would respond:

"You always deserved this. You were born worthy of this and much more, my dear. Your soul says it all. You radiate this. You radiate love."

#to: apollon #witchcraft #witch advice #deities #deity witch #deity work #Another day another Valentines devotion #Don't get me wrong I love all my deities so so much but I wanna give extra love to Apollon for being a true gangster for me #mother witch advice #Yeah this is a sign to realize you're very much loved even when you think you're forever meant to be alone #Everyone has someone. You just need to find them #It takes time #But it's worth it.#I promise #Love love love love my sweet bee boy 💛

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thevampirearchive · 3 months

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I blog for the black girls who want to learn multiple languages, but after a consistant 15 days or so of portoguese, we just fall off and somehow still wonder why we arent fluent in Mandarin, Zulu, Spanish, Japanese, Portogese, Lingala, Greek or Twi.

I blog for the black girls who use sims as a form of therapy, whether it is building for therapeutic properties, making our sims live perfect lives as chef-interiordesigner-leader of the free world-scientic-doctor influencer or simply placing characters in the pool with no ladder. I blog for the black girls who

I blog for the black girls who were super into anime, and forwhatever reason (shame, bullying, internalized misoganoir, lonliness or life being too stressfull) stopped wacthing it, but as life calmed down and we started to find ourselves again, we started to return back to shows and movies we've missed or never finished. Shoutout to Megan!

I blog for the black girls who are on one hand super artistic, expressive and multifacited - and somehow still find ourselves overwhelmed, stressed and feeling uncapable when starting new projects, wanting to finish projects or simply existing in a world where our 101% may still not cut it. I am always rooting for us, at our best, mediocer or even worst! Because we too deserve to be humanized, not just celebrated when we've reached hights so great nobody can ignore us (even though some try to)

I blog for the black girls who love Lana Del Rey

I blog for the black girls who are super into hermatic teaching, esoteric's, spirituality and such, and sometimes don't have community to truly talk about these things outside of maybe a few selct spaces.

I blog for the black girls who watch horror movies alone, still love watching Scooby Doo and will also watch Baddies West or Married to Medicin when the urge kicks in.

I blog for the black girls who still are on Tumblr, tweet and enjoy our own company alone in our rooms. We aren't actual loners, just realized this is a better way for us then others. We have friends, few, and are learning to come to terms with the fact that quality is better then quantity, even if that means being alone for a season or two till we find our people (online or offline)

I blog for the black girls who are trying to heal from their motherwounds, relations with black woman and their own black feminity because the world tried so hard to teach us to hate it and eachother.

I blog for the black girls who don't feel like we were understood, always surrounded by people who were like us but didnt look like us (which came with it's own set of challanges and psycological damage). But as time goes by, we learn that there are more of us.

I blog for the black girls who were told they were weird, agressive, not ptetty enough, while also being sexualized, hypermasculanized and tone-policed. Our versitility confused people, and it is first now as adult we realize that isn't our problem lol. Keep up or piss off.

I blog for the black girls who make powerpoint slides for nobody, lol, just organizing life, putting together visual moodboards of dreams, goals and ideas.

I blog for the black girls who wish to become so many things yet are paralized by choice. Even with 10 degrees, we know itll still be an uphill battle to get to where we wanna be, even if we do deserve it and are the best for said roles. So pls, get that PHD, MD, and whatever else your heart desires, the world will hate it and push regardless, might as well be happy.

I blog for the black girls who don't think therapy would work for us, because as much as it has evolved throughout time, we do not truly belive that our complex identities and who we are as individuals can be understood by others but ourseves (especially if we have had astranged fathers, grew up in PWI, dark skinned, eldest daughter or only daughter)

I blog for the black girls who were overachivers, super smart, creative and articulate!

I blog for the black girls who are Twilight stans, #TeamEdward

I blog for the black girls who loved supernatural shows, medieval shows and movies! Even when there were little to no black representation!

I blog for the black girls who makes everybody black in our minds when reaidng, because why not (unless specifically said to be POC, they black lol)

I blog for the black girls who are shy, but are lowkey ambiverts but have realized being their versitiled full ranged-of-emotions-having (aka human) means they'll be expected to always perform, be happy and there will be no room for the "I am just existing, not mad, not upset, this is just my face when I am chilling". So to avoid having to explain that we too are human, we just say little and keep it pushing. Sigh I see us!

I blog for the black girls who have absent fathers but it's okay because those fathers lowkey suck so it's probably for the best.

I blog for the black girls who are aspiring authors!

I blog for the black girls who talk to themselves, outloud, laugh and dance alone in their bedroom - YES, GIVE THAT CROWED THE BEST CONCERT EXPERIENCE!

I blog for the black girls who's first anime was DBZ so now we have infinite patience for most plots (probably not One Piece tho lol)

I blog for the black girls who cannot go to sleep without a full cup of water knowing theyll need to pee in the middle of the night!

I blog for the black girls who have anemia. pls take your time queen, don't rush that getting up!

I blog for the black girls who love studio ghibli! And have been in love with Howl since a very very very very very young age. Wow, can't believ we are sister-wives. Love yall.

LOVE A BLACK WOMAN FROM INFINITY TO INFINITY

#I love black woman #happy black history month #black history month #upload #thoughts

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areislol · 1 year

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two worlds apart

ft— anyone

warning — mentions of character death, angst, pretty much self indulgent lmao

a/n— i just felt angsty today :) also i wrote this like you aren't in teyvat? you're you (obv) in this universe and they're just your comfort character. ik shifting is a thing so this is for my #icannotshiftforthelifeofme girlies. listened to ykwim when writing this as well.

wordcount. 683

sometimes you wish you were dead. it sounds blunt and quite, dramatic, yes. but not really when you remember that reincarnation may or may not be a real thing.

we have all heard of the word "soulmates". the idea of soulmates has been present in various traditions for centuries. the "concept" suggests that there is a special connection between two individuals that goes beyond physical attraction and emotional compatibility.

it is believed that these two people are connected by an invisible thread or string that can never be broken, no matter the distance or time. this thread binds them together, and their souls recognize each other even before they meet.

it is said that when soulmates find each other, they experience a sense of completion and fulfillment that they cannot find elsewhere. love itself is a powerful force that can bring people together, even when they are from different worlds. when two individuals are soulmates, their love transcends time and space.

now, death is a natural part of life, and it is something that everyone will experience at some point. while death is often associated with sadness and loss, while some people believe that it can also be a time of reunion with loved ones or, finally being with someone they have loved for so long in another world.

for those who believe in reincarnation, death is not the end, but rather a new beginning. it is an opportunity for the soul to move on to a new life and continue its journey. for some, the idea of being reunited with their soulmate after death brings comfort and solace.

they believe that when they die, they will be able to join their lover/comfort character from another world and be much happier than they ever were in this world. this gives them hope and a reason to keep going, even when times are tough.

for some, some may think it is absurd to even think about death in this way. you really want to die/are waiting for your death just because you want to be happier with your comfort character? how.. weird.

the heart is a mysterious thing, and sometimes it leads us down paths that we never thought possible. loving someone from another world can be a lonely road to travel, but it can also be one filled with wonder and amazement. our hearts may ache for this person that we cannot touch or hold, but the love we feel for them can give us a sense of purpose.

the pain of loving someone who is not real can be overwhelming, it really can. the thought of never being able to hold them or feel their warmth can be unbearable.

but in times of sorrow, the comfort and solace you find in loving them can be the only thing that gets you through. it's easy to dismiss this kind of love as make-believe, but it's not.

the heart doesn't discriminate and doesn't see boundaries at all. even though they are not real, the love you feel for them is. it's a feeling that is deep and real and can bring joy to your life.

just how long have you been yearning to feel their touch, to know what their kisses feel like, to see them face to face? a long, long time. and you know that. how many times have you cried into your pillow, just because you love them so much and that they aren't real?

sometimes the pain in your heart can become unbearable. The emptiness and the loneliness can consume you entirely, leaving you with nothing but despair. it's in those moments that you start to wonder if death would be a better alternative.

you imagine that if you passed away, you could be reunited with your lover from another world, a place where love is eternal and pure. you know that in that world, you would find comfort and solace, and your heart would finally be at peace.

because even though you two are two worlds apart, the love you hold for each other goes beyond measure.

WHAT IS UP W ME AND ANGST NOWADAYS?!??!

#i hate myself #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact angst #genshin angst #xiao x reader #zhongli x reader #venti x reader #cyno x reader #kaveh x reader #baizhu x reader #ah goodnight everybody #crying myself to sleep

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mamayan · 9 months

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Warning: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat•NSFW•Yandere•Dark Themes•BNHA/HxH

Just a short list of yanderes you’d be better off dead than getting taken by, ranked least to worst in my opinion. This is VERY dark, and will describe ways these yanderes may accidentally or intentionally kill you. I keep it theoretical because I don’t like it too much either but you won’t see me willingly write these characters as yanderes much because they are SCARY.

Let me know if you want a part 2, and feel free to throw in comments of those you think would make the “better dead than alive with them” list!

First up on this list is Izuku Midoriya, a delusional yandere with a wildly deranged way of treating you.

He first and foremost, does not care if you love him or not, he’s going to make you act like you do though (which is torture itself). Izuku is a caretaker sort of yandere, but he’s abusive in going about it. Not being good in the bath? He’s dislocated your shoulder so you settle down. Wanna be mouthy and not eat the dinner he’s trying to feed you? He’s dislocated your jaw/slapping you so hard you spit blood/ gut punching you.

He’s also very much into your tears, but it’s up to you how you cry in the first place. Whether it’s from pain, fear, sadness, happiness, or overwhelming pleasure, Izuku loves your tears. He loves any reactions he can draw from you that makes you cute and vulnerable for him. He will absolutely break bones and even make you watch him harm your loved ones to make you comply. He won’t kill you, no never, he loves you, but if you make any sort of mistake… he’ll make you wish he didn’t love you so much.

When you do become compliant and obedient, because he will make you, it’s hell then too. He goes crazy with a power trip when you willingly (not really) submit to him. He will humiliate and degrade you (without ever cursing at your or even using words like slut/whore/worthless/etc.) “You look so cute on your knees like that, and look! You did it all by yourself this time, such a good pet, I’m so proud. You didn’t even wet yourself or make a mess this time!” He’ll remind you of the time he knocked the literal air from your lungs to drop you to your knees, which caused you to be unable to control your bladder.

He’s damn creepy too and won’t let you use the bathroom alone, sometimes won’t even let you wipe. And no, this isn’t just reserved for urine. The first time you held it so long and accidentally pissed yourself out of retaliation, he forced you to wear a diaper for a month until you were “potty trained” again.

Sex with him is not mild either nor does he care if it’s consensual, he makes you beg for your release or risk being edged until you go insane. He won’t let up. He’s also a big man as an adult, and he’s not inclined to be gentle in bed with you.

His treatment is a disgusting combination of infantilization and straight brutality. He will simultaneously make you act/feel like a helpless infant, and if you don’t comply with that treatment or lash out in any way, he’s fucking you up. If you put up a fight long enough, it could enrage him and cause him to accidentally snap your neck in his attempt to force you to calm down.

10/10 a yandere I personally would rather die than have. He’s awful. Delusional and thinks he’s doing nothing wrong, he’s the #1 Hero! He can’t do anything wrong! A literal monster. Comfort yourself inside though that you as a darling to Izuku would act as a barrier preventing him from unleashing his unhinged sadism on the world. Instead it’s you that gets that burden. In your own way, you’re a hero too. Tread with caution.

Next on this list is Shizuku Murasaki, don’t let her cute looks fool you, she is an absolute nightmare to have as a yandere for two very specific reasons.

She’s forgetful and forceful.

Shizuku will kidnap you, lock you away from the world, and then forget about how long she’s been gone from home. In her mind, it’s only been a few days, you should have plenty to eat. What she fails to remember is how impossible it is for you to escape or call her or anyone for help, as all the food disappears and the water shuts off due to her not paying the bill. Starvation and dehydration have nearly killed you multiple times. To the point you cry and beg, have severe panic attacks, when she leaves you for even a moment. Shizuku will also mistake this behavior for love, and while so cruelly cooing and soothing you, tell you she’s only going for a few hours a few weeks.

When you aren’t worried for your next meal and survival, she’s also terrible at providing you with even basic necessities like tooth paste, soap, laundry detergent. Her forgetfulness in paying water/electricity/sewage is also a major downfall in your comfort. You’ll freeze in the winter and possibly die of heat in the summer. She forgot to give you extra blankets.

Oops.

Trash has piled up and grown moldy?

Oops.

No water to shower or drink in days so you’re forced to get water from the toilet and use a bucket for your waste?

Oops.

Passed out from lack of food or nutrition?

Oops.

She’s downright a menace when it comes to taking care of you, but somehow extremely good in keeping you locked up. You have permanent damage to your nail beds from trying to claw your way through the wood of the front door. You might be saved from punishments because she’s lazy in that regard, and while she doesn’t hit or yell at you no matter how nasty your behavior, there is no denying she takes what she wants. You’re hungry and dehydrated? That needs to wait, she wants to cum and she wants to do it on your face. You feel disgusting and caked in your own sweat and grim from a week with no shower? She wants to use her new strap she picked up, so it needs to wait.

You’ll live in constant fear of dying due to her neglect and it will be a painful, lonely, and sadistic end.

11/10 sadistic without even meaning to be. The severe neglect will kill you eventually, it’s a slow and agonizing end you can’t help fighting whether you like it or not. You’ll die in your own filth, maybe from a combination of air toxicity, infection, starvation, and dehydration. Better to off yourself early if I’m being honest. She might even forget you died in her grief when she finds you, so don’t expect a proper burial, she’ll let you rot in the bed until another Troupe Member (sadly likely Phinks) has to remove your corpse and clean up.

Next we have, Overhaul, or Kai Chisaki on this list. Don’t let his handsome appearance fool you, while he may be beautiful, inside he is mentally ill to the extreme. You think he’s a bad man for abusing and torturing a little girl?

Kai is just as strict of a yandere as Izuku, but combined with his warped view of you and his OCD, it turns downright terrifying. He kills everyone you love before he takes you, because in his eyes they are literal vermin that only wish to taint and ruin you. He will calmly explain in detail who he killed and how he did it to you. If that isn’t enough, any pets you have? Dead. Immediately. They’re filthy animals that will taint you. Human contact? Forget about it. You will never feel skin on skin contact again in his care, not even his. I see a lot of depictions of Kai being a sex god as yandere, but as a real one? Even in his own eyes, he’s not worthy of touching you. He exults you to such a degree that you aren’t even really human in his eyes. Of course, you’ll be treated like the finest glass porcelain doll ever crafted, but aside from sitting on a shelf to rot for the rest of your life, then nothing else is happening. You’ll likely go insane in his care, because of the stark white room he’ll keep you in, so devoid of germs or bacteria it’ll be nauseatingly clean. The lights will go off for you to sleep for only 8 hours, but after that it’s fluorescent lights glaring at you for the remaining 16 hours of the day. Your bathroom won’t be any reprieve. You’ll have absolutely no personal comforts. Food will be the SAME THING for every meal, breakfast, lunch, dinner, and so bland and boring you’ll struggle to accept your new life.

Kai, like Shizuku, is also a yandere that wont hit you… but he’ll use his quirk on you. He’s not above taking you apart violently and putting you back together over and over and over.

Eventually you may even try to anger him just for him to take you apart. To feel something. He provides no entertainment. None at all. Have fun with your own mind and solitude in that white room.

Kai is also the most likely to have a mental break, so if you cross a certain line, he may kill you accidentally. Things like trying to seduce one of his men (for escape purposes), trying to harm yourself, trying to harm him, being filthy (you might cringe at the thought of wiping your own feces on the walls, but eventually shame and embarrassment will leave you).

He’s most likely to snap and try and clean you himself, your act of rebellion by dirtying/hurting him/harming yourself will likely leave you in a situation of…

a). He accidentally drowns you in his panicked state of washing you.

b). He uses some type of chemical (bleach) which leaves you severely injured/burned and you succumb to your wounds before medical attention can save you.

Kai is out of his damn mind, thinks of you as if you are a God/Goddess, and if you break that delusion, he will snap. I also think he’d preserve your body somehow, and you’d end up in a Snow White case so he can always look at you.

12/10 batshit crazy and very scary. No human autonomy. I just can’t help but think he’d 100% use bleach to try and “clean” his darling and that’s not a fun way to die at all. Also, his form of worship is so skewed and warped it leaves nothing but a bad taste in my mouth. He’s the idolize and stick on a shelf type, a very lonely and isolated way to live. At least Shizuku let’s you watch TV when the cable/electrical bills get paid. Kai won’t even let you have a book. Prisoner of war PTSD which will eventually lead to real insanity from that white room and isolation if Kai doesn’t kill you first.

#dead dove do not eat #DARK THEMES #YANDERE #MDNI #MENTION OF DEATH #shizuku murasaki #Kai chisaki #overhaul #bnha #hxh #hunter x hunter #let me know your thoughts #i definitely fear yanderes like this #Izuku Midoriya

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