Why am I getting bad again? I was starting to feel better. I was okay for a few days. Why can’t I just be happy? Why is it so hard to be happy? I don’t know how people can just wake up and be like “I’m so ready to start a new day!” Like.. it’s impossible. Whenever I wake up, I just feel some sort of dread and want to go back to bed. I wish things were easy for me. I wish I could have a good reason to feel sad. But I don’t. I don’t think I ever have, really. It’s kind of sad.

Whenever people who are entrenched in diet culture talk about how terrible chemicals are, I just want to whip out this:

I'm sorry I let down my guard.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

btw please block me if you feel the need to gatekeep the queer community. cishet aspecs ARE valid and they ARE queer. the "they don't experience discrimination" argument is possibly the most stupid thing i have ever heard because aspecs experience insane levels discrimination and people are extremely dismissive of them. we our more than our suffering. our community is not yours to gatekeep it isn't fair to invalidate people's queer identities just because you can't fit them in your stupid little box of specific labels.

Currently thinking of an Angel AU where Sanji is one of Cupid's angels for the past 800 years. He makes people fall in love. And for angels of love to ascend, reincarnate or reborn they're given specific clients that he needs to fall in love.

But he has a problem. A mold problem. He only has one client left that he needs to fall in love. And it's the lone wandering swordsman with an odd memorable green hair. And no matter what Sanji does. No matter who he matches the swordsman with as every new lifetime pass, the man just never falls.

And so, as Sanji begrudgingly stands on the swordsman's grave alone, he swore that on the man's next life (11th) he will make him fall in love by hook or by crook.

do u think that um. yk Julian was having a rough time in the later seasons. and ofc he wants to talk abt it, wants someone to help him process it, wants someone to just listen. but it's not easy to talk abt. and he wants to talk to Garak, wants Garak to know what's going on in his life, wants to be vulnerable and be met with support and care. but Garak is so emotionally unavailable and so unwilling to break his pleasant facade and so unwilling to deviate from their little social script. he was taught never to show care or vulnerability. and Julian gets so tired of playing their little game when, god, there's a war going on, his life is falling apart, can't Garak even acknowledge how bad things are for both of them? he doesn't need witty retorts, he needs sincerity. and Garak can't give him that. so he withdraws from their friendship. and it's not that Garak doesn't care. it's not that he doesn't want to help. but sincerity and vulnerability were beaten out of him a long time ago, and he doesn't know how to take off his mask. even just acknowledging genuine emotion is practically impossible for him. and maybe that's why ASIT is the apology that it is. it's saying, here, I've learned to be honest, I've learned to be vulnerable. I know the harm I caused you by refusing to acknowledge pain, so here's a whole book of me acknowledging pain.

I mean, to be clear, it's because he's a gay man in a homophobic but also deeply filial society who is forced to either be in the closet or to make a break with family and he cares about people and is terrified of what it could mean to be himself and so instead he hides and runs and fears and tries to place himself in places that placate both sides of himself even knowing he never fully can.

It's because he's a gay artist being shoved into a het businessman role with no easy way out without breaking the bonds of the culture he was raised in and destroying the values he grew up with and still believe in.

It's because he can't have power in this situation because the moment he is true to himself that power means nothing and will be stripped away and cast aside.

It's because he is living a life where there is always a lie on the tip of his tongue and he thought he finally found a way around it with his best friend and an end date and now he's realizing that nothing he thought would free him truly will.

But if he works for you, all he's protecting is a lie.

The power you offer him protects the version of Do Han you want but not the version of Do Han that he really is.

doodles from "newest" to oldest :> i like to draw lamb in a more different way as of now and narinder as well- my style is adjusting to them as i draw cotl more everyday :-D just figured id post these doodles bc why not !!! heeheehoo

Getting real sick of a certain subset of Destiny players complaining that it’s a baby game and crying to Bungie to nerf exotics and abilities when their ENTIRE POINT IS TO BE STRONG in specific ways as if they are being locked into using them.

IF YOU WANT AN EXTRA CHALLENGE STOP BEING SUCH A DPS GOBLIN AND JUST EQUIP SOMETHING THATS NOT TOP TIER META AND STOP COMPLAINING JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

MOOD. Go off.

It's incredibly annoying to me. They always use the argument of "the game should FORCE me to do things, I should not SELF-IMPOSE challenges." And like. ? I'm sorry but what? It's a video game for a big audience, it's here to be playable and accessible to the widest possible playerbase. There are plenty of ways to make the game difficult for yourself, so knock yourself out if that's your thing, but don't force others into it.

Like, I enjoy hard content, I regularly at least attempt day 1 raids, I do master raids, GMs, solo and solo flawless content and all that. But only when I want to. Sometimes I don't and I don't want to suffer in a patrol zone or struggle in a seasonal activity I'm doing for the story. The majority of the players don't want that. Designing games for the professional gamers only has NEVER been a good idea and never will be. Fifty streamers can't sustain a video game. It needs casual players who will want to come back to the game instead of feeling defeated.

One of the reasons I really enjoy helping others is because I know that casual players tend to struggle in stuff that's basic activity for me. I've seen people unable to get through a strike. I've sat for 10 minutes rezing someone who couldn't do the jump in a seasonal activity. I want those people to be able to play basic content without feeling frustrated and I want them to know that there are people out there who will help them out.

And this doesn't apply just to basic content, although it should start with that. I think all dungeons and raids and everything should be things that all players can complete. Fine, doing a master raid with all challenges should be tough, but it should be achievable with time and practice, not impossible. What a lot of these "pros" want is just completely divorced from reality.

It takes days and days of practice every time a new master raid is out for me and my team (all with thousands of hours of playtime) to get comfortable to finally finish it. We're far from casual players and it still takes a lot of time to be able to finish hard content. Making it even harder is insane to me. Like, if something is so hard that my team full of people, each with 5000+ hours of playtime and a coordinated team that's been raiding together for years now can't finish it, that means it's absolutely impossible for probably 90% of the playerbase. That's wild to me. Raids and GMs should have more people playing them. If master raids are too easy for you, Mr. I-Play-Destiny-For-A-Living, that's on you buddy. Unequip the super god tier god roll meta guns and loadouts or play something else.

And ofc, another excuse they make is "if I don't use meta, I am not going to win a raid race!" Then don't. Idk. Let me play you the tiniest violin. This affects literally nobody except a grand total of 50 people. Run your meta in day 1, and play with random shit otherwise. Play raids with all white weapons. Play without mods. Play without a HUD. Do things solo only. I don't know, make up a way to spice things up for yourself. I'm not interested in that and neither are 99% of the players out there. The game is genuinely hard enough for the majority of the players. On top of that, I am here to feel like a powerful space fantasy superhero. I am NOT here to die to dregs in patrol zones. If there's ONE thing that I know for a fact that put people off from Lightfall (as in this year of Destiny), it's the difficulty changes. They're annoying, frustrating and for some a barrier to entry more than anything else.

Can I say whatever I want? Go for it.

actually terrifying not being able to visualize your future. what do u mean ppl fantasize about a house and a partner and kids. i can’t imagine anything for my future besides the same thing im doing rn

Your fears that you don't have a body that will transition "well" are, sure, understandable, but there isn't truly such thing as a body that's unworthy of transition. Perhaps your changing body won't suit everybody's taste, but would you rather live for yourself or for the whims of random people who don't care about your happiness as long as they're attracted to what they see?

Transition is for anybody who wants it. It's okay to be fearful. It's okay to be uncertain. But it isn't the end of the world. You are in control, and if you choose to transition to any capacity, it should be at your behest. You and your body are worthy of transition. I hope you are able to seize transition and do what you truly want for yourself.

.

when i see someone put both radahn and malenia in s tier on their boss ranking list

I love Do Han, okay? He is trying to balance his love for his brother with the truth he can't share with him and the lie he's living and the family he's trying to not be responsible for and the life he wants to lead that means he always has to leave Ji Han behind, every single time.

Do Han living a free and happy life means that he cannot be the brother he wishes he could to Ji Han and that's so painful to him.

It's how he knows his brother and worries and how much he wants to be who he cannot be if he ever wants to own his own truth... this is a man who is marrying his best friend in a marriage contract so he doesn't have to come out as gay because he knows that coming out as gay will destroy his family and his life but who also cannot face the life he will have if he stays in the closet with someone who doesn't know, who cannot bring himself to lie to a woman to marry her but must forever lie to his brother for fear of what might be.

How does he face this? How does he face his own fear of being fully seen by the people in his life because he is certain that there is no way for him to be accepted as himself versus his love for them? Do Han was free for five years in New York and now he's returned to living a lie that he wants nothing to do with but is absolutely trapped in if he ever wants freedom again.

(Can he truly have freedom again, someday, or will he never again escape and how badly is he willing to hurt the family he loves for his own need and desire? How long can he stay in the closet for their sake when all he yearns for is the life he lead away from them while also wishing he could be there with them at the same time?)

And the hardest part is that Ji Han doesn't even know why Do Han says that, not really.

I actually for real feel like my phone's scanning quality has dropped monumentally while I was away on thing so that's a fun thing to figure out now. anyways