Why am I getting bad again? I was starting to feel better. I was okay for a few days. Why can’t I just be happy? Why is it so hard to be happy? I don’t know how people can just wake up and be like “I’m so ready to start a new day!” Like.. it’s impossible. Whenever I wake up, I just feel some sort of dread and want to go back to bed. I wish things were easy for me. I wish I could have a good reason to feel sad. But I don’t. I don’t think I ever have, really. It’s kind of sad.
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I made this meme a couple months ago but only now does it truly pay off
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Prim's name wasn't the only one in the reaping bowl because the entire point of Prim being chosen is to show that life in Panem is random and cruel. These kids truly are selected and die for nothing, based on nothing, most of the time. There is often no grand cosmic plan or 4D chess conspiracy at play in awful circumstances unfolding, just systems of oppression working as they were designed. And you can do everything right to the letter - be the youngest eligible tribute from an unknown family whose name is only in the bowl once, not take out any tesserae - but it still won't save you.
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
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no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
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Should I just kill my parents with the kitchen knife? Or should I just stab myself to death?
(appearantly wanting sleep is problematic and dramatic now, they wanted me to advance study instead, isn't school for learning is what is about? Guess they really just want my grades and good impression after all)
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I became so attached to my depression that I can't imagine my life without it anymore
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I just don’t want to feel anything anymore. I’m tired, drained, exhausted. Just let me die already.
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Danny: So I may have did a bit of an oopsie daisy.
Jazz: … define a bit.
Danny: you know how you were telling me about the two main ways of conditioning?
Jazz: Yes?
Danny: And you remember how I said Pavlov’s dog sounded strangely familiar?
Jazz watching her brother pace: Danny?
Danny: Well, there’s this guy in my lit class who was very pretty and I heard he was vegan and you know that giant bag of vegan candy Sam sent?
Jazz: Please tell me you didn’t.
Danny: Not on purpose! You know how big that bag is! And I can’t just throw it way it’s good candy! So I just, kept giving him a couple pieces when I saw him! I didn’t even realize what I did until I passed him in the hall earlier and he nearly smiled at me and he never smiles!
Jazz: only you little brother.
Danny flopping on the floor dramatically: he just looked to the floor in confusion Jazz! Like visible confusion!
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