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vaguely-concerned · 2 months

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Ever since watching The Wire for the first time, my brain has doggedly kept working away at the Especially the lies of it all, and specifically at how much the structure beneath the different stories Garak tells contributes to the overall meaning of what he’s trying to say. While the contradicting narratives of course expertly obscure the factual circumstances of his getting exiled, using them also allows him to tell aspects and facets of the emotional truth I don’t think he ever could have, if he’d simply told the actual story of what happened. (It’s very Varric-core of him honestly.)

The first story — the ‘oh, you think you know me?’ story — says I have done things that would sicken you if you knew any detail of it. It’s clearly meant to scare Bashir away so he’ll leave him to die shamefully in peace already lol. But it’s also one of his (probably much-needed lbr) little lessons to Julian that are so frequent in the beginning, given while Garak still has some hold on himself — “Don’t be so quick to forgive me if you don’t even know what I’ve done; what would you do if this really were the sum total of what I am?” (And Julian seems to surprise him by going ‘Well, exactly the same thing, because no matter who you are I am a doctor. But I sort of take your point.’)

The second story — the letting the orphans go story — says I have failed to smother my soul in its cradle when it was required of me, and I regret that more than anything I’ve done. To my ears this is the one most shot through with active self-loathing too, which is interesting. He’s officially lost the control he’s been clinging to and it’s about to get ugly. His TL;DR is ‘Sentiment is the greatest weakness of all’, even all the way back here. (Which is the one lesson Julian steadfastly refuses to learn, which I think in turn does some serious rearrangement of Garak’s soul over the course of the show haha. Get uno reversed into the process of loving and being loved without shame asshole.) This is also where he builds up to admitting to having any sort of need for companionship or closeness at all and — so much worse — that Julian’s role in his life actually has fulfilled some of that need, and he’s DRIPPING with defensive venom over it b/c well I get it Garak vulnerability is scary it can take a person like that.

(I also feel there’s something honest and forbidden in ‘Suddenly the whole exercise seemed utterly meaningless’. I suspect ‘actually… why the fuck are we even doing this???’ is not a welcome sentiment in an Obsidian Order water cooler environment, no matter what you’re saying it about lmao. The very first seeds of him deconstructing the things he’s been taught about Cardassia and his work might be hinted at here, though they of course take a looong time to come to any real fruition.)

The third story — the ‘Elim was my best friend’ story — says hey, remember that thing you said once, about how sometimes, you have to be loyal to yourself before you can be loyal to anything else? Well. guess what. I couldn’t even be that lmao. It also furthers that thread of being divided from yourself, split, that having ‘Elim’ as a separate person around in all versions of the story brings in. He’s in control of himself again, but he essentially hands his life and soul over to Julian to decide what should be done with them.

I’ve done horrible things and it finally caught up with me, I’m getting what I deserve → I let sentiment master me and the fact that I’m too weak to do what’s needed of me shames me more than the evil I’ve done → I fucked up. I betrayed myself and everything I held to, all for nothing, and I have no one to blame for it but myself. But it’s very nice that you’re here anyway, Doctor. (Wow. I didn’t realize quite how isolated and lonely that last one was before right now. The way Tain has shaped him really has just… locked him completely into himself, huh.) We can also see a movement through from a completely professional context in the first story, to an intensely interpersonal and internal context in the last one — even his fake stories spiral in towards intimacy, which I think is what he longs for here even if he can’t quite like. Touch that without the stories as a buffer yet, it’s clearly like touching a hot stove for him to interact with it too directly.

And you know what I find incredibly interesting the whole way through? Even on his deathbed, where he’s dying from the thing Tain had put in his head, he’s protecting Tain. He puts all the blame for where he is on himself (‘My future was limitless, until I threw it away’), even if he has to employ a strange twisty logic where he’s split himself into two to do it. Don’t get me wrong, Garak has done horrific things all on his own haha, but it’s notable that he almost isolates Tain from that. ‘Tain was the Obsidian Order. Not even the Central Command dared challenge him. And I was his right hand.’ Tain in Garak’s stories is this infallible implacable weirdly distant figure, even now. Indeed, as will make a lot of sense with the revelations further down the line, more than anything it seems the gaze of an abused child desperate for recognition looking up at an idealized (if not in any way nurturing) parent.‘He was retired at that point; he couldn't protect me’, Garak says, as if what he’d need protection from in the first place isn’t Tain himself lmao, as if Tain had no active part in any of this. He never lets blame touch Tain at all. At this stage he would rather consider himself a broken flawed tool than accept that the hands that have wrought and wielded him have ever had any fault in them. AND in the middle of it all, with plausible deniability, on death’s door and knocking meekly to be let in before he must finish the mortifying ordeal of being known and test the even more daunting possibility of being loved, Garak at the same time manages to drop the breadcrumb trail of clues to make it possible for Julian to find Tain if he so chooses and gets in the ‘sons of Tain’ thing too for future dramatic irony purposes. Truly he is the Michelangelo of lying. Every falsehood a multifaceted masterpiece. Elim ‘achieving a state of intertextuality in real life is possible if you work hard and believe in yourself’ Garak. I love him so much.

I think all of this is why “I forgive you. For whatever it is you did,” works so well, because it too works on a structural level. It’s such a deceptively multilayered response — it has the syntax of a joke, in a way, and it is kind of funny even under the circumstances, but delivered with such earnest warmth and fondness. It’s both recognition and acceptance (forgiveness!). It’s saying ‘I finally understand enough of what you’re trying to tell me beneath and through all that, in whatever way you’re capable of, I see you’ and ‘my answer hasn’t changed (bitch)’. The forgiveness Julian offers here is complete — on principle, and out of personal feeling and empathy (only one of which Garak deigns to respond to during the second story, where he calls it ‘smug Federation sympathy’, placing it more completely on the principle side than it probably is. ‘Dude you’re my friend please don’t just lie down and die in a completely avoidable way on me, who else is going to not only tolerate but actually gleefully enjoy me being annoying as fuck over lunch’ seems to be the subtext that’s a lot harder to acknowledge and invite in for both of them. And yet Tain seems perfectly clear on the fact that Julian is Garak’s friend, which, y’know. Must be fun living with the knowledge that Tain has eyes everywhere looming over you every day haha guess you’d just have to tune that out.)

Most of all — ’Don’t give up on me now, Doctor’... and he didn’t! He didn’t. Augh. Ow.

#garashir #elim garak #julian bashir #star trek ds9 #ds9 #star trek #ds9 meta #S2EP22 The Wire #alternate title: baby's first brush with unconditional love through unreliable narration lol #I'm not sure I got to say everything I want to in this/found the exact right words in places or hit all the nuances #but god help me I so desperately need this out of my brain to free up some disc space so go forth little meta haha be free #I'm sure I'll come back to you in time #meta #enabran tain #(derogatory)

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wen-kexing-apologist · 3 months

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Symptoms of a System Error: The Manifestation of Myungha's Depression in Love for Love's Sake

Ok I will almost certainly have more thoughts about this when I go back to rewatch Love for Love’s Sake in the next couple weeks, but I’ve been thinking about the finale for the last couple of hours and I want to get some stuff out of my head. Before I get too far in to this, I want to say that I think most of the ambiguity in the show is brilliantly executed in a way that allows people to take whatever meaning they want to from it without contradicting each other, without stepping on toes, and without having to twist or bend the narrative beyond all recognition to make it make sense.

So I want to talk about the use of depression in this show, because the way Myungha exists in the world is recognizable enough to me that these moments of choice, and the system errors were extremely legible. That doesn’t mean my take is the correct one (and I honestly don’t think there is one right answer here anyway) but it’s what I got out of it, so with the needless ramble complete, let’s get to it.

Prologue

gif by @dramascene

I connected rather quickly to Myungha as a character from right near the beginning of episode 1 because of how passionate he was about the character of Yeowoon and how much he hoped for a happy ending for that character. As someone who processes a lot of my feelings, and who understands myself better through media consumption, I was quick to appreciate the fact that Myungha recognizes the parts of himself that speak to Yeowoon and to know that because Yeowoon is fictional, he has a chance not to suffer with merely a stroke of a pen. The Author could have chosen from the beginning to give Yeowoon a happy ending, and did not because he believes that there are people for whom bad things will never stop happening. But from the perspective of a fictional story, the Author should consider who he is writing the story for. Myungha connects to Yeowoon, and it sends one hell of a tragic message for how Myungha’s life will end up if even in fiction the people who suffer have no hope of happiness.

Myungha tells the Author that someone like Cha Yeowoon, someone like him [Myungha] with awful lives can still be happy. Looking back on that statement with the knowledge that Myungha kills himself, sends a very clear message, at least for me, of the hope that he was clinging to and finally lost his grip on. The Author asks if Myungha can change the outcome, and thus begins our story.

Debuffs

Now, I don’t know that I will have much more to say here than what @jemmo said in their very brilliant post, beyond the fact I agree with their interpretation of the debuffs. But I am thinking about the debuffs as it relates to mental health and to Myungha’s independence. One of Myungha’s first missions is to befriend Cha Yeowoon, and we see the difficulties associated with doing so when it comes to the Fondness Level meter and the debuffs that happen as a result. I love what Jess said about the dichotomy there: the debuffs mean that every time Myungha gets close to Yeowoon, something bad happens, Myungha uses that as a reason to stay away from Yeowoon to protect him when in fact, being around Myungha and increasing his fondness for him is the only way to really keep Yeowoon safe.

gif by @dramascene

And here again there is something recognizable to me in this dichotomy. Myungha likes Yeowoon, Myungha wants to be friends with Yeowoon, every time something bad might happen to Yeowoon, Myungha is there to intervene. But Myungha is convinced that the potentially negative events that might occur during a debuff are because of him, and so he avoids Yeowoon as much as he possibly can. To me this makes the debuffs a stand in for depression symptoms. Myungha has convinced himself that he is the cause of the bad moments in Yeowoon’s day. Myungha has convinced himself that Yeowoon would be better off if they weren’t friends, because he only makes things worse. And that is not something he can easily shake off, it’s not something he can logic his way out of, that’s the game, that’s just how it is. And so he withdraws until Yeowoon comes to him.

And honestly thinking about it, nothing bad really happens during those debuffs. The light doesn’t shatter, the boys back off on the bus, Yeowoon doesn’t punch Sangwon. Maybe the reason why nothing at all happens is because Myungha intervenes. Maybe if Myungha hadn’t been there, the light would have broken, maybe if Myungha hadn’t been there Yeowoon would have punched Sangwon. But that is not a lens that Myungha is capable of viewing himself through, that is never an option that crosses Myungha’s mind because he is too focused on feeling like the cause of Yeowoon’s problems.

System Errors

I know there is a lot of confusion or at least uncertainty around the system errors. Why are they happening? Where are they coming from? For me, I think the answer is Myungha himself. The first time we get a system error, it’s in Episode 6, what I think is the day after Yeowoon and Myungha have their first kiss and very soon after Yeowoon and Myungha kiss on the rooftop at school. The first error isn’t subtle, but it’s not explicitly stated. Myungha walks in to a room to take a phone call and walks in to the middle of band practice, falling through the world as he tries to remove himself from the situation until he (literally) runs in to Yeowoon. Myungha goes home that night and gets his first moments in the black abyss, and the first explicit mention via pop-up of a system error. I have not gone through (yet) to track every instance of what happens before a system error pop-up occurs from that point on, but I will say moment that was most legible for me in terms of indicating that these system errors were stemming from Myungha himself were when he gets the notification both times that Yeowoon looks directly at him and tells Myungha “I love you.”

gif by @dragonsareawesome123

That moment was a guy punch for me because I was not able to see it any other way except that Myungha is so incapable of believing that people could actually love him that someone telling him directly and sincerely that they love him cannot exist in his world. He literally cannot compute it, and thus an error occurs. Again from the perspective of depression, or trauma, or what have you, this is familiar to me. It is perhaps the most reflective part of Myungha to my own psyche. Neither of us know how to be loved.

Myungha is called out on this repeatedly, he is nice to everyone, he does so much for everyone and refuses to ask for help himself. I’m the same way, I will bend over backwards as much as I can to help the people that I care about, but it is a rare occasion where I can ask for help myself. I’m not sure if this is the case for Myungha, but for me at least a lot of that stems from needing to make myself useful to people in some way so they keep me around. And so I end up feeling like a commodity to the people that I care about and help, and merely tolerated by anyone else that I do not help but that interacts with me any way. Myungha is called out consistently by multiple people, real or NPC about this similar habit. Myungha does not want to be a burden, Myungha only cares about other people’s happiness, Myungha is not happy himself and has maybe never been happy and so he pours everything he can in to lightening the load for others.

He loves Yeowoon, but to be loved by Yeowoon is different. To experience any moments of joy cannot possibly be real. Maybe I am projecting too much on to the character, but it makes complete and total sense to me that Myungha’s worldview would break down upon having someone state wholeheartedly that they want to be a support system for him.

Cruel Choices

gif by @dramascene

With the enmeshment of depression and video game mechanics in mind, I want to talk about the scene at the end of Episode 6. I love this scene so much for a number of reasons:

It turns the game on a head for me as we slip further and further in to a nightmare scenario

It raises the stakes and attempts to get Myungha to make a hard choice

It forces Myungha to think about what is important to him

It’s ultimate purpose and who is posting the mission is ambiguous/uncertain

I’m going to focus on number four. I think it is a perfectly valid read to see this and all video game mechanics as designed by The Author in an effort to help Myungha change Yeowoon’s story in which case this mission feels particularly vindictive and cruel. @lurkingshan posed the question in a conversation we were having about Love for Love’s Sake, where she wondered why the game could not hold two sources of love for Myungha at once. I love that question because it made me realize how differently this show can be read and how important who you choose to read as the entity in control of this game is for what this scene specifically means and I love so many interpretations of it, I love the interpretation that is was simply cruel, I love the interpretation that in retrospect this was the Author being angry at Myungha for dying, I love the reflection from @jemmo that said this felt like a choice between staying rooted in the past (sparing grandma) or choosing a future (sparing Yeowoon)

For me, I think I am leaning heavily in to the pop ups are under Myungha’s subconscious control, his mind, the missions he thinks are important, the problems he thinks he is causing are what is driving the base game. Because of this my base instinct is to lean in to the depression/anxiety/trauma tent where things have been going a little too well for him lately and he has convinced himself that he is due for something bad to happen. I am happy to once again acknowledge that this probably projection, but I know that my own mental illness(es) does not let my peace linger for long. Myungha is spending so much time with Yeowoon, Yeowoon who grounds him when his world is literally falling apart. Yeowoon who cannot contain his smile whenever he is around Myungha, Yeowoon who is downright desperate to bestow love and support upon Myungha, Yeowoon who has accompanied Myungha to the hospital late at night to be there for his boyfriend in a stressful time, and Myungha can’t have that. He loves his grandmother, he loves Yeowoon, they both love him and so obviously means that something bad is going to happen to them.

gif by @25shadesoffebruary

[As an aside I am thinking about what the Author said in the final episode about wanting Myungha to be able to see himself from the outside, and how I took that to mean Yeowoon is supposed to be a reflection of Myungha and a journey to self love, and how Yeowoon told Myungha that something bad always happens to the people around him in relation to this hospital scene]

Secondarily, I do think being confronted with this choice at all allows Myungha to have a moment of reflection, and is clarifying for him to know that both Yeowoon and his grandmother are important people in his life that he doesn’t want to lose. That’s fucking huge, in my opinion at least. And for all this mission was cruel, it was the first time Myungha refused to complete the mission. He was asked to save one, he decided to save both, and the game could have been cruel and taken his grandmother and Yeowoon away for refusing to choose, but it didn’t. They both got to live, and sure Myungha’s mission to make Yeowoon happy was shortened significantly, but I do think fifteen days was enough time to be successful in his mission if the depression and the grief had not gotten to Myungha instead.

Grief

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

Something about grief that my therapist told me once was grieving people love helping others. And I think that is the case of Myungha here just based on the way he throws himself in to helping as many people as he can, especially Yeowoon. He knows Yeowoon is grieving, he knows Yeowoon is struggling, and he can distract himself from his own shit by helping Yeowoon instead. But once Myungha is confronted with the possibility that either one of the people that he loves could die, the penality for failing in his mission to make Yeowoon happy looms over his head like a knife. Just like Myungha considered himself the problem with the debuff, he knows how high of a likelihood it is that Yeowoon would regress, would isolate, would sink into a massive low.

And it would be Myung’s fault (in his mind).

Especially because Yeowoon keeps saying that even thinking about going on dates with Myungha is making him happy but Myungha’s mission isn’t complete. Myungha has started to get low, he is not as engaged in his relationship with Yeowoon, he’s convinced himself he is going to fail, and is thus setting himself up for failure because he decides 15 days is not enough time to find happiness, but it is enough time to break somebody’s heart in preparation for a devastating loss. And maybe, maybe Myungha would have snapped out of it with enough time to spare initially, but any hope of that being the case was shattered the second Yeowoon admitted that he wasn’t happy because Myungha wasn’t relying on him.

Myungha is so used to be self-reliant there is no way for him to break out of that habit in just two weeks. Myungha knew his death would hurt Yeowoon, but the final nail in the coffin for him was learning that his life was hurting Yeowoon too. And he almost got there, he almost did it, he admitted that he didn’t know how to, but he withdrew at the last second. He has spent all this time, all this energy, all this focus in to changing Yeowoon, he does not have the space to do that for himself.

The Choice

gif by @supanuts

The last moment I will really speak to as it relates to my interpretation of this game being controlled by Myungha as a manifestation of his depression is the author’s pen. Considering the fact The Author asked Myungha if he wanted to try again, I do not think if the Author was controlling this game world that he would have had Myungha disappear from it. Because according to the Gaga subs, the change that Myungha writes is that he wants Yeowoon to be happy, and immediately upon finishing that request, Myungha starts to fade.

If we hold these game mechanics as manifestations of Myungha’s depression, which I do, it makes complete and total sense to me that Myungha would fall back in to the pattern of believing that Yeowoon would be happier if Myungha wasn’t there. Yeowoon has a modeling deal now, he has some modicum of fame, he has friends now, he has supports in place that he did not have before, so what need does Yeowoon have of him, when his inability to let people love him is what is now causing Yeowoon to feel sad.

And I think that massive server error at the end where the world is burning and the universe is melting in to the game is a result of Myungha realizing too little, too late that this isn’t what he wanted. But it can’t be undone. The line he says when he is sinking in to the water about how at the last minute before he died, he regretted it. The game, the drowning here are one in the same to me.

And for me there was just something so beautiful and hopeful from Myungha telling The Author that he wants to try again. We started the show with Myungha telling The Author miserable people can be happy, and we end the show with Myungha and Yeowoon finally getting the happy ending they never thought they would have.

gif by @junghaesin

God I loved this show.

#love for love's sake #lfls #love for love's sake meta #love for love's sake analysis #one thing about this show is that it almost certainly will lend itself well to a rewatch!#and I *love* rewatching shows #wka long post

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babacontainsmultitudes · 5 months

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Great teen talk overall, but honestly I was particularly interested in what Matt had to say about where Lincoln is at right now (and that we might get a better glimpse into this next episode? Which has me both nervous and excited but I'm trying not to think about it *too* much cause I'm already super nervous about how things are gonna pan out for the twins next episode).

It all tracks- Lincoln's increasingly nihilistic view of the world impeding on his ability to feel much of anything but nevertheless caring about how *his friends* are feeling and what they want. Being too deep in a dissociative state to process his own grief (and everything else) but caring that *Normal* is sad and doing what he can to help him.

I think Lincoln is a funny and incredibly fascinating character because if you look at his words, honestly no one can deliver a blow like Lincoln- a trademark of his brutal honesty, and in most stark contrast to Normal's "toxic positivity", neither being inherently better or worse than the other just inverted, and reflective of different values (something something cheerkicks is doomed by the narrative they should kiss etc. etc. not what the post is about). Conversely, if you look at Lincoln's actions (and Lincoln is, at his heart, an action-oriented character), truly nobody is putting their ass on the line for the people around them quite like Linc is. I've stated on several occasions that I believe Lincoln is the most selfless of the teens, and I stand by this, but this is a virtue as much as it as a flaw. It's heroic, to put yourself in a line of fire to save your friend's dad, or impale your leg on a candy cane twice to get an anchor, or hug your friend to show them you care even if it literally winds up killing you- but it also reflects self-preservation instincts that somehow manage to be even weaker than those of the guy who tried to throw himself out of a building thinking that a parachute would save him (god I love Taylor).

Lincoln cares immensely about his friends (despite his growing numbness to the world around him), but dangerously little about himself and what becomes of his own life. As a less dire example, "Apollo Four Teens" acts as a great demonstration of how Lincoln will stretch himself thin for everyone around him until there's nothing left, but forgets in the process to stop and register his own emotions and tend to his own needs. Combine this with Lincoln's perpetual "keep calm and roll with the punches" attitude towards the nonstop bullshit the teens have gone through over the course of the season, including an extensive list of unresolved issues related to Grant (which by now I've outlined fairly thoroughly), and you have a serious recipe for disaster. Characters like Normal and Scary are, relatively speaking, pretty obvious and emotive with respect to their pain, even when they are trying not to be. This is good, since it makes it easier for other characters to recognize that they need help in the first place and try to look out for them (they may not always know how to do so correctly, but the intent is there). Lincoln, in contrast, shuts down and becomes less emotive in response to his own pain (in a manner that is somewhat similar to Darryl, more similar to Glenn, and of course most similar to Grant, but ultimately different from all of them), silently building his walls up higher and higher but being no safer for it. It is partially for this reason that other characters very rarely think to check in on Linc and see how he's doing (Taylor to his credit tried after the titanic episode, but that got interrupted, and Grant does also try but- much like his own dad with him- fails to meet his son halfway in being honest and vulnerable and hence fails to make any progress), leaving him to mostly suffer in silence perhaps without even truly realizing it himself.

I guess the gist of what I'm saying is, Lincoln is in deep water, all of this has been a long time coming, and if nobody does anything about it soon... (Metaphorically-speaking of course-) that boy is going to drown.

#. Also I liked how much they talked about the shade witch (and candlethorp)#dndads #lincoln li wilson #despite how verbose this ended up I'm actually having a lot of trouble wording my thoughts tonight-#but teen talk really got me thinking about my boy so I had to try and get some of it out lol #dungeons and daddies #also posting this at a horrible time but that's not a big deal #baba babbles

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bookcrazyace · 2 months

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Dick & Jason and Why We Need to Stop Mischaracterizing Them and Their Relationship

I know it's been brought up a million times and will probably be brought up a million more times but I wanted to put my 2 cents in. Jason and Dick and their relationship is grossly mischaracterized and it hurts the narrative. Now there isn't anything wrong with a little ooc content I'm a fanfic writer and I've fallen onto some of the more fanon sides of things to make it fit my narrative better but the problem arises when people mistake fanon for canon and bring it up in serious fandom discussions.

Dick was the first Robin so we'll start with him first. Characterizing Dick as the happy-go-lucky Robin is very distinctly wrong and actually quite the opposite of what he actually was. Dick wanted revenge for the death of his parents and that's what drew Bruce to him in the first place. Bruce made Batman to focus his anger and grief into something productive that would help people. When he recognized the same yearning for vengeance in Dick he trained him so that Robin could be for Dick what Batman was to him, a coping mechanism. In the end Dick manages to let go of the notion of revenge and it means that Robin succeeded and he then takes on a new identity, Nightwing (Canonically Dick and Bruce start having arguments and that's more the reason he leaves but from a narrative perspective Dick going from Robin to Nightwing can be seen as him getting rid of the feelings of revenge and gaining new goals. Also it's an excellent juxtaposition to the fact that while Robin succeeded in freeing Dick Bruce is still Batman.) Dick starting off as a vengeful spirit and blossoming into one of the most outwardly cheerful members of the batfam (despite the most definitely present repressed anger) is so much more powerful than him essentially not changing throughout the entire story especially when you consider that multiple times in canon Bruce has said that NIghtwing is better than Batman and what Batman was meant to be.

Jason ever the fan favorite and probably the person in the batfam that is misharacterized the most (in my opinion) is the next topic of discussion. Jason being the angry Robin takes so much away from his story and honestly I'm not vibing with it. One of Jason's notable lines as Robin is the phrase "Being Robin gives me magic!"you surely can't hear that and picture a violent criminal in the making. Jason being a street kid that jacks tires for a living but still being kind and childishly innocent makes him as Robin so much more interesting. Jason's drive to help people is obviously heavily influenced by his mother and how he took care of her up until her death. The tragedy of his mother's death is what drives Bruce to him. Of course Jason's process of becoming Robin wasn't immediate like a lot of people believe, Jason was actually sent to an all boys school for a short period of time before realizing they were a front for a crime ring he then helped Batman take down their operation. I feel like after seeing all that one would lose their faith in most people but Jason didn't remember he wasn't Robin until after this incident and he still was so happy and bright. The big turning point in Jason's story (from what I remember I haven't read the comics in a while) Batman suspects he pushes a man they were chasing off of a roof (I don't remember if it's ever made clear whether he did or not) this puts a pretty big strain on their relationship. Soon after all that goes down Jason finds out that the same mother he grew up with, the same mother he took care of, the same mother he watched die isn't actually his mother. The tense atmosphere between him and Bruce in combination for his yearning for answers leads him to run away to find her. When he meets her she sells him out to the Joker who subsequently beats him with a crowbar and leaves him to die in a warehouse that's rigged to blow up. Jason's mother is in the warehouse too and he does everything he can to save her. In the end they both die but when Batman questions her Jason's mom tells him that he tried to save her. In most modern iterations of Jason's death story his mother is written out and his death is pinned on him and his "impulsive and brash decisions". When Jason comes back to Gotham after his revival he seeks vengeance and is incredibly violent a very stark contrast to the bubbly kid that was just happy to be there. Two of his most notable actions as Red Hood are decapitating the lieutenants of the top crime lords and delivering them in a duffel bag and attacking Tim Drake the new Robin in Titans Tower. Jason's main drive for attacking Tim and becoming a crime lord is the fact that he died, he died as Robin and he didn't think that children should have to take on crime in the way Bruce did Jason decided that the best way to get rid of crime was to control it. The way Jason went from sunshine personified to a gritty crime lord who was willing to kill is what makes his story so interesting. The way an innocent child that got exposed to the darkness of the world and got swallowed by it is what makes the story so meaningful. In comparison to Dick, Jason is Batman's greatest failure he became the very thing Bruce tried to prevent him from being, a vengeful spirit that kills. In some ways Dick and Jason's stories are opposites and parallels.

Now for Dick and Jason's relationship. Despite what a lot of people think Dick didn't hate Jason when he first appeared (I think there was a point where Dick wanted to adopt Jason but I don't remember). Making Dick hate Jason as Robin sort of ruins both of their character arcs Dick evolved past his hatred and need for vengeance and thus adores Jason, Jason growing into someone so angry and hating Tim as Robin despite the fact that Dick showed him so much kindness makes everything hit so much harder.

In conclusion, this isn't really a huge deal but I've been thinking about it a lot recently. I've written and read fics where Jason was an angry Robin and Dick was a happy one. I've written and read fics where Dick hated Jason at first. Fandom is all about what fans do with a piece of media they like and at the end of the day the characters can be whoever you want them to be. Don't let this post uninspire you or make you feel called out if you enjoy the more fanon dynamics and personalities of these characters. Fee free to point out any inaccuracies to me it's been a while since I've read the comics.

#batfam #batman #jason todd #red hood #dick grayson #nightwing #dc comics #dc universe #batfamily #canon vs fanon #fandom #fanfic

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onemustalwaysbecarefulofbooks · 25 days

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RANT TIME

If I see one more person say that the reason Rhys seemed different and less likeable in ACOSF is because we’re seeing him from Nesta’s POV and not Feyre’s, I’m going to go feral.

I’m sorry, I know we find ways to blame Nesta for absolutely everything under the sun, but are we now also trying to claim that she is able to control Rhys’s words, decisions, and actions??? PLEASE BE SO FOR REAL. I do not dislike Rhys because Nesta thinks unfavorably of him and her mental commentary is somehow swaying me. I dislike him because of the things he DOES and SAYS. Nesta does not like Rhys and makes this clear to everyone. But for God’s actual sake…her opinion of him does not control his choices and actions. The story SJM wanted to tell was going to happen, regardless of who’s POV we see it from.

AND, as if that weren’t enough, there are PLENTY of scenes where he acts deplorable and the POV is Cassian’s, not Nesta’s!!! And as we all know, Cassian is so far up Rhys’s butt he can probably see out his mouth. So explain that one to me, please!

Now, does Rhys appear noticeably different in ACOSF than he does in previous books? Absolutely! I am in complete agreement that ACOMAF!Rhys would never handle Feyre’s pregnancy the way he does in this book (The conversation a lot of people are really not ready to have is that Tamlin would be the one to behave this way while Rhys would be the one who swoops in to let us all know how degrading, condescending, and chauvinistic his behavior was and that he would be the one to treat her with agency and respect and would never coddle her and lie to her about her health and her body because she was strong and she could take it).

(Tell me I’m wrong, I dare you!)

So, is Rhys different from how he is in previous books? Yes. But this is not because we are in the POV of someone who doesn’t like him. It’s because SJM’s handling of him is beyond bizarre, and at this point almost has me convinced he is her tool in some kind of social experiment she’s conducting on manipulation and brainwashing in literature. It’s as if she is testing to see how far she can push, how insufferable and hypocritical can she make him behave while still demanding through the narrative that we love and adore him. I used to swear this was not intentional on her part, that she really did think as highly of him as she appeared to, but his behavior as of late has gotten so absurd, it’s honestly beginning to make me wonder if some of this IS intentional and is part of a bigger process. I can only hope that it is.

So no, Rhys does not seem different and less likeable simply because we are seeing him through Nesta’s eyes. He seems different and less likeable because he IS different and less likeable, and a hypocrite to boot. No matter who’s POV we are seeing it from, he does and says insufferable and hypocritical things all throughout the story. But the cult following that this man has is unmatched, and so many people are literally incapable of admitting they feel any kind of distaste for him or that he may have done something wrong. So instead the response becomes “He just seems that way because we’re in Nesta’s POV and Nesta doesn’t like him.”….as if being in Nesta’s head creates some kind of opitical illusion where Rhys’s behavior isn’t real. Whatever makes you feel better, I guess!!

#acotar critical #acosf critical #sjm critical #nesta archeron #anti rhysand #nesta deserves better #acosf #pro nesta

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admirxation · 30 days

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The Perpetual Chase | Chapter Three

other parts: part one | part two

Pairing: las plagas!leon s. kennedy x afab reader and chris redfield x afab!reader Disclaimer: This fiction will contain dark content, including topics of abuse and non-con narratives under the DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT category. I do not condone everything I write; this is fiction where real people cannot get hurt, and depiction doesn't always mean endorsement. Please read the warnings before you proceed. You have been warned, and you are responsible for what you choose to consume. CW: the reader has female anatomy and uses she/her pronouns. trauma, suggestive kissing, petting, handjob, neck kisses, mild neck biting, memory of somnophilia, memory of kidnapping, and angst. Word Count: 5.2k

~ Chapter Three: Lies and Closure ~

A warm drink was nestled in your hands as you stared at it blankly. You felt your hands warm up but made no effort to move them, keeping your fingers around the ceramic outer layer. You maintained an exhausted and unfocused stare as you deeply sighed, watching how the liquid rippled to the edge of the mug. You were left alone with your thoughts after Mason went to his classes, and Jill checked up before returning to work; all you could think about now was what happened last night.

Last night was supposed to be a source of comfort for you. When Chris shared a bed with you, it was a moment of vulnerability to share a space with him, but your mind came alive with the constant swirling of thoughts. Thoughts that insisted on keeping you up throughout the night, and your darkened eyes and heavy eyelids reflected this.

You often thought about Leon; it was only natural, but you never spoke to anybody about the extent to which you thought of him. You were aware that people would guess that you had him in your mind regarding your situation; it would be quite ignorant to suggest he never pried into the occasional thought in your psyche. Nevertheless, last night was out of the ordinary. While you listened to Chris' heavy breaths as he slept and the shuffling of the sheets when he moved, you just stayed on your back and looked up at the ceiling, continuously thinking about that blocked-off area.

That was the section you had never stepped foot in. When you entered, you knew that this was where you would live and that you wouldn't be able to return to normality in your apartment; honestly, you didn't want to go back there anyways; it was now tainted in your memory. You were told by a group of people, as Jill held your hand, that you would be held in a locked-off facility, not being able to go outside without much-needed permission, and that your son would have to believe this was all reality until perhaps he came to a certain age — this was all to protect the both of you. At the time, you had no words; you were just numb and, in all honesty, terrified of the notion of locked-off life. Over the years, you had gotten used to it, but you still craved normality before that night Leon snuck into your room and took it all away from you.

But that secret area was much more intriguing last night than the other nights; you had the time to think to yourself and fully process everything over the years. You thought about that moment, remembering when your little one was in an excitable mood and running around, causing you to chase him and continue a playful game as you giggled. However, playtime had to end when some guards told you and him that you two were going too far. You were taken out of that sweet moment as a mother and had to hold his hand and tell him not to run around that area again; that day, you did have some curiosity but never thought about it with the same intensity as you did last night.

When you asked, Jill and Chris told you there was classified information in that area; this was the first excuse you fought against. You argued that you were also held in as top-secret classified information, so what was in there was already probably known to you, considering what you were told about the mission Leon was sent on, his real job and the intricacies of his disease. Then, the excuses changed to other classified information when Jill mentioned that there was information on what she had encountered. You had already known what happened when she was in Raccoon City after she saved you, later learning Leon was there too; you were even told about the persistent monstrous creature that continued to stalk her — but she told you that there was more that you couldn't know. You were forced to leave it there; you wanted answers, you didn't have any obligatory right to learn everything.

It was all too much to bear; you had only learnt when you were rescued that Jill and Chris were a part of S.T.A.R.S and an idea of what they encountered; you had only thought that Leon was just some normal handsome man next door — oh how reality is a tricky thing you discovered. So, you decided to leave the exhaustive cycle of getting the truth alone. You felt in your gut that there was more in that secret area, but you had no proof to claim lies. For the remaining years — before curiosity piqued your interest in the current moment — you just went with whatever was told to you and lived your life with friends, as a mother, and now with a partner. You wanted to fill that puzzle of Leon's story, but it seemed that piece would never appear.

There's no point, you thought, as reality continued to hit you like a ton of bricks. You thought, even strongly believed, that the area was the ticket to your sought-out questions, but what was the point? It wasn't like you could just walk up and ask for the door to open for you; no, there were rules and regulations, and you were forced to respect that, no matter how much you wanted to barge through and demand answers. After all, you had no empirical evidence to suggest a lie; it was just a gut feeling that wouldn't stand up in an argument. Your mind debated with itself, and you had to keep telling yourself that he was dead; you saw... No, not just that, you felt yourself pull the trigger and heard his body hit the ground and...

Your eyes started to water, the red heat appearing on your cheeks as you used your sleeves to remove them quickly, taking deep breaths so it wouldn't escalate to real and uncontrollable sobbing — you had to compose yourself. You shut those thoughts out, momentarily, as you returned to your warm drink that was getting a little colder the more you secluded yourself in thought.

You felt defeated, feeling a knot in your stomach and mind, just wanting to scream. You wished you could forget it all, god what you would give to be granted a memory sweep, but now you had to continue your life with the one you wanted, L-Chris... You wanted to live your life with Chris, you told yourself.

"I need some air," you whispered to yourself at the lonely table, gulping what was left of your drink and feeling that slight warmth pass down your throat with a slight burning sensation.

You passed everybody walking the halls on your way outside, a piece of field you could walk through and get some fresh air; you had to fake smiles and partake in general small talk, ranging from hello's and how are you's while you were rushing to get outside. You didn't want to be stopped, no matter how friendly people were being. You held yourself as you crossed your arms, tugging at the fabric on your arms as the cold breeze hit you. It was summer; the previous day had a gentle warmth and ray of shine, but now it was colder and miserable with a grey cloudy cast over the sky. You were just happy that it wasn't raining, so you could walk as much as you wanted to, but as you continued, your feet made their way to a place you shouldn't be.

You meandered close to the crossing point, but not close enough to be shouted at; people were watching, and you didn't make yourself any favours as you stood there with your arms folded in a still position, getting lost in thought — once again.

What secrets do you keep? Your internal monologue asked as you narrowed your eyes, your vision being above the staring guards and looking at the small, concrete block; you wondered what the layout would be like inside; you knew it had to be larger inside, and you thought about if there would be an underground section, pondering on how much or even how little it kept inside.

One of the guards continued to watch as the others murmured to one another, varying between "she isn't past the section we shouldn't do anything" to "what the hell is she doing?" But one guard, who kept his watch, picked up their communication device to contact Jill and Chris.

"Redfield... Valentine... Redfield... Valentine... She's near the premises; how should we act on this?"

They were in the middle of a conversation; they were discussing the next steps to integrate Mason into the real world when he reached a certain age and wanted to make a pathway in place before discussing it with you. However, this conversation was interrupted when muffled and static sounds were coming from the sides of their pocket, causing them to both jump out of their seats and rush to the nearest window to try and locate you after hearing your location, only to find through the window that you were just standing there, but they could only see a speck of your standing figure with how far they were from you.

"We can see her... What is she doing?" Jill tried to get closer to the glass and focus on your movements, "Keep us updated, and do not let her go near." Her voice raised by a smidge as she hurriedly tried to get the words out, trepidation spiking through her body. Chris shared the same anxiety as he continued to watch you.

"What...What is she doing?" Chris whispered to himself, but enough for Jill to hear.

"She j-just standing at the border, from the seems of it," she quickly replied to him.

"Miss Valentine, she keeps... staring? She isn't coming closer, but this might get dangerous; we await your course of action," time was ticking for a decision to be made.

"Fuck, um," she took deep and quick breaths while she thought, "Just... Just... Don't do anything, if she moves closer just escort her away -" she was cut off.

"And don't you dare hurt her," Chris spat out as he cut her off.

They returned their devices to their pockets when the guard agreed to the orders but could only continue to keep thinking about what to do about this situation.

"I'm going to her," Jill made a haste decision.

"No. Don't. What's that going to achieve?" he rubbed the back of his neck while contemplating, "she's just going to keep wondering about this, and... I don't blame her, she needs closure and -"

"She doesn't need to see Leon. Do you have any idea what will happen if those two see one another?" she calmed herself down with a slow and deep breath before speaking again. "It'll be too much for her... I don't want her to be hurt again; what happened to her was... horrifying. She doesn't need to see him."

"Just let me take her in there," Jill opened her mouth to speak until Chris stopped her as he continued with his speech, "And before you reject the idea, just trust me that I will make the right decisions... I know she's your friend but now she's my partner, you don't always get the ending decision."

Jill only released a heavy and deep sigh, waving her hand to let him go. Her hands began to shake as she accepted the idea, praying that nothing would happen to you and that he wouldn't let you see Leon.

Chris walked out of the room, making his way to where you were standing; he had it all in his mind and felt the dampness on his palms as he approached your location, talking quietly on his device about the plan he had, being greeted with acceptance and understanding from the guards and researchers to play their part.

Chris wanted to be patient with you; that was what he was trying his absolute best to do, but he didn't want to continue Jill's way of keeping the area forbidden; he wanted you to stop, no, he wanted you to have certain answers for closure and to move on, he thought giving you some half-truths would help with that. After all, you knew Leon's real job, the objective with the president's daughter, what happened in Spain, and even information on what he and Jill went through, so it would be easy to fabricate something for a sense of closure.

He could have a better vision of you now — no longer that small glimpse of a spec in the distance — and now see your body language; he could tell how scared you were with your stiff demeanour.

You continued to hold the fabric on your arms, your nails digging into the cloth, straightening your lips as you stared at the building, taking a deep breath before picking up one of your feet, finding an urge to cross that point.

"Hey, what are you doing here," but you were stopped by Chris. You remained still, only for a moment, before turning around and meeting his facial expression.

"I..." at first, you didn't know what to say as you looked into his eyes, you didn't think you were able to put all your emotions into words, but you continued: "I can't do this anymore! It's killing me not knowing what's in there, and I just know that information on L-Leon is right fucking there... I find it cruel that the existence of this building is waved around in my face, and I can't even see. I know you won't let me go, but I-" You were on the brink of tears before he cut you off.

"Let's go in then."

You didn't know how to even react to this; the term shock was underestimating the plethora of complex emotions you were feeling, being left to just wander and pace through thoughts of being ecstatic that you could finally silence that curious part of your mind, to then wondering if this was all a trick. You were in disbelief and kept wondering why now. Chris could pick up on this, and you just kept a blank expression, but your eyes were full of emotion; he slowly took your hand and walked you closer, walking along the crossing point.

It was surreal as you walked closer to the building, replaying the times you were shouted at and telling Mason he shouldn't go in. You didn't say anything as you heard the soft grass being pushed down under your feet, the strong wind swishing through your hair, clinging onto Chris' hand as he reciprocated with a gentle squeeze as he pulled a strange-looking, what seemed an ID card, that granted entrance. You could only pause momentarily before Chris whispered that it was all okay and that he was there for you.

You just couldn't believe you were now standing at the threshold you had been curious about. You were met with a dimly lit corridor stretched out before you before hearing many muffled voices and shuffling shoes making contact with the hard ground, the sound of typing and writing, the metallic sound of needles and the glassy vibration of bottles clinging. As you passed the rooms, you saw multiple people, what looked like scientists with their eye gear and white coats, taking samples, looking at microscopes and filled whiteboards and pinboards of graphs and pictures of... Well, you couldn't quite make it all out, you saw a creature that resembled a spider with spindly legs, and an orange crystal?

Chris led you to the heavy metal door that creaked open as he presed his card through a slot and pressed on a screen for a fingerprint; it felt like being in a movie with all these procedures.

You felt that need for closure tingle within you as the sound of the door opening occurred.

The room was illuminated with a harsh white light, casting long shadows on the walls. You hesitated for a moment before you walked in, squinting your eyes as you grew accustomed to the drastic difference of the brilliant white light, feeling a chill run down your spine as it felt like the temperature immediately dropped as you continued to get closer and hearing the metal door close behind you. The people in there looked up at you for a moment; they knew of you but never met you; they only met Leon. They felt compassion as they looked at how shaken up you were but tried their best not to maintain stares or make you feel any more uncomfortable as they tried to give you space — the air was thick with tension and mystery.

However, emotions soon washed over you as you looked up at the computer screens on the back wall: picture of an old village, thick black liquid that made you feel uncomfortable, and a team holding up a sign with an Umbrella logo; there were other people on the board as well, a blond white man, an woman who was wearing red in the picture, you couldn't explain any of this. But as your eyes continued to dart on the wall, you saw a face you hadn't seen in a while.

Leon.

Only this time, it wasn't that haunting image of his darkened veins and shadowed look; it was the real Leon you knew as your former neighbour, even another picture of him where he looked younger and in a police uniform. You never knew he was a police officer. It felt like your breath was caught in your throat as you locked eyes with the pixelated projection of his former self. Tears slowly forming and causing your body to shake; you couldn't help but feel frozen in place.

"Hey, hey," Chris whispered before reaching his arm around you, "It's okay... We can leave whenever you want; I'm here for you."

"I-I'm sorry, it's just... It's all too much," you said in between your sobs, using your sleeves to wipe away the tears and leaving a darkened wet patch on them, "C-can you explain this... All of this?"

Chris took a deep breath before speaking: "Well, we decided to research the disease he was carrying... We collected all this information that a woman called Ingrid Hunnigan sent to us. If you look along the board... This man, is Luis Serra Navarro," you looked at his picture and found it ironic how they were all smiling about making some awful disease. "He is the strongest lead to make a cure."

"A cure?"

"We found out there was some... amber, this person," he pointed at the other people, "wanted to get their hands on, which has the parasite. We don't know much more than that since the people did not occupy Leon's mission, only Miss Graham's life. Knowing there is a preservation of the disease well... I'm sure you can connect the dots to why we want to make a cure."

"Is... Leon's body here?" you question caused everyone to pause for a singular moment before they acted like a hivemind and continued to work normally; you didn't pick up on his behaviour as you looked into Chris' eyes until he gave you an answer, you felt your heart racing and goosebumps forming.

"Yes."

The sterile, white-lit room then buzzed with tension as you just stood there, your hands trembling at your sides, your eyes fixating on Chris. All you could do was stand there in disbelief and felt... betrayed. Your heart was pounding in your chest, and rage was coursing through your veins like wildfire.

"H-how could you keep this from me?" you said in a hushed tone, but managing to show your rage with your slow expression, your words slicing through the air of tension like a knife. You tried to contain your tears as you watched Chris' guilty gaze, and you felt the feeling of betrayal etched into your heart: "Where is he? I want to speak with him... Take me to him... Now."

"You can't speak with him."

"Excuse me?"

"Let me explain," Chris could feel the disapproving looks of the researchers walking beside and behind him as he fabricated the lie on the spot, "He is here, but dead. We only brought him here to extract some needed samples before we got rid of him -"

"Got rid of him! He's a human being, not just trash!" you knew Leon damaged your way of thought, but you felt sympathy for him, considering his actions were controlled by a parasite. To you, he was equally a victim; you came to that conclusion years ago. "He deserved... I don't know... I-"

Chris came closer to wrap his arms around you, but you just froze and didn't reciprocate. You couldn't understand any of it, not giving enough time to process, and continued to just want to scream and run away until the ends of the earth—it was just too much.

"I'm sorry, okay, we just didn't want you to see this again... Please know that our intentions weren't to hurt you," those words made you melt, causing you to wrap your arms around him as you knew he cared about you.

In a matter of moments you held onto Chris before deciding to leave, you had seen enough and your curiosity was fulfilled, but before you left you wanted to ask one more ting: "Is there any more rooms that I should see.?"

"There's nothing more my dear... I promise," you felt safe as Chris put his arm around your waist and walked you out.

The surrounding researchers shook their heads to themselves, disapproving of all the lies and the false sense of safety they were given.

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

"Where is he? I want to speak with him...Take me to him...Now."

That voice. That voice was familiar to Leon. His eyes opened slightly, only seeing a blurred vision of white light as he lay still; he knew that voice belonged to you, the girl he regretted hurting, not fault of his own, but it still crept on his conscience. How he longed to speak to you after hearing your beautiful voice. He could tell you were upset, and it just brought him back to that time in that dreaded house where it all happened, a singular tear rolling down his cheek as he continued to slowly try and open his eyes; he wasn't able to move, not being able to speak as the researchers surrounding the room continued to keep Chris' secret as they injected him with a substance to make him sleep, not able to make a sound as you were walking past the next room. Leon had no strength, and all he could think of was you. Only being able to have one thought before passing out to sleep again.

Forgive me, I love you.

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

It was much later now, and you were waiting for Chris to come back to your room; he had left you alone for a few hours after you had entered the, once, forbidden zone, and you were finally left with an almost clear mind, as you were still living with a intermingling of complex feelings within you.

Jill wanted to give you space and take care of your little one, giving you time to tuck him into bed and then take him off your hands. You were sitting in the comfiest and largest shirt you had and shorts, just sitting on your bed, picking at your fingers before wincing in pain as you just looked up to the ceiling and tried to make sense of it all. You felt relieved but also numb and empty.

The door creaked open as you finished another deep sigh; seeing Chris, you felt relieved to see him, thankful for the comfort he provided you.

“You okay, dear?” he took his jacket off, “I know today has been a lot for you so if you want me to go I-”

“No,please,” your hurriedly rushed out the words, “I want you here, please, I need you here.”

Chris continued to take his jacket off, his jeans off and changing his shirt, leaving him only in his shirt and boxers as he climbed onto the bed with you; you instinctively lifted your head up to make room for his arm to slither underneath it, and you turned to the side and nuzzled yourself into his chest, feeling warm and safe with the comfort of his body and natural smell.

He placed a soft kiss on your forehead before speaking: “How are you? I know today has been a lot for you, you can talk to me if you want.”

You reached your hands around him to hug him even tighter: “It’s been… Too much to be honest, I’m glad I have the answers but I still feel… Hurt? With how long it took to get them.”

“I know, darling, and I’m sorry… I’m not asking for forgiveness but -”

“You don’t have to since I already forgive you,” Chris was little taken aback as you faced him, “You just wanted to protect me. I was mad at you but, you had good intentions, and now you have told me everything.”

He trailed his fingers through your hair, tucking a strand behind your ear, “You know everything, my dear,” later placing the side of his hand on your face, pulling you in for a soft and tender kiss.

You leaned into it, enjoying the sensation of his warm lips interlock with yours, disappointed when it ended.

“Chris.”

“Yes.”

“Can we kiss a bit longer, please?”

“Of course my dear,” he pressed his fingers inbetween the strands of your hair as he pulled you closer and continued that soft and tender kiss.

You were both lying down on your sides, as the kiss was deepening, feeling a jolt of excitement as you felt Chris’ hand grab your leg under your thigh and lift it on his side, making you automatically interlock your leg around his waist and pull his lower body towards yours.

While you were enjoying it Chris slowly separated from you: “We can stop if you want, I won’t make you do anything you’re not ready for.”

“I want to do this,” that was enough for Chris to pull you in to continue the kiss, his spare hand around your waist, grinding his hips into yours as your lower half's bond together.

You felt Chris hardening under his boxers, and you could feel yourself get wetter, rubbing yourself into him as he continued to grind along your core. You felt Chris subtly slip his tongue into your mouth, making the kiss wetter and deeper as you roamed your hand along his large and muscular arms, until you decided to move your soft hand under his shirt, feeling his hard core until moving down, Chris getting harder as he felt your fingertips pry behind the band of his underwear, feeling him twitch as he felt your fingers move deeper and surround his hard cock.

“Fuck,” Chris let out a muttered curse.

You felt the blurting of precum drip from the tip, rubbing it down along his length and listening to his low moans, making your core tingle as you heard and felt his deepened breathing patterns, his chest rising up and down in unrhythmic patterns.

“God, you’re so good,” he continued to groan, his hand harshly squeezing the plush of your ass, making you release a soft and sensual moan.

It felt so good to enjoy these moments, continuing to pump his cock with your hand surrounding his large member, moving from his mouth to his neck and laying kisses and small bites that made him shiver; you were so turned on.

He took an opportunity to push his fingers in your wet panties, but… You couldn’t. You froze.

“A-Are you okay? Did I do something wrong, I just thought that-” he was so nervous.

“No, you didn’t do anything wrong,” you slowly moved away, “I was really enjoying it, I was but… I don’t think I’m ready… I’m sorry,” the last words were released in a melodic softness, feeling guilty for leading him on.

“Don’t feel that way, please… I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to, it goes at your pace,” your bodies moved to the previous cuddling position as he held you and kept you safe. “I will admit that I was enjoying it… But I can’t enjoy anything if you’re not ready, don’t force yourself,” he kissed you on top of the forehead, ending the night with your bodies interlocking, feeling safe in his warmth and comfort.

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

The only company Leon had in the sterile room, was the company of the rhythmic hum of the ventilation system; he knew people were watching him, but when someone wasn’t directly talking to him, he was alone, with the air that felt heavy with isolation with his world now reduced to the confines of the dreaded walls he woken up to.

Researchers, occasionally, turned their screen on and spoke to him like a normal human being, but the only human contact he had was when a group of individuals came into his room and injected him; all he could remember was waking up to a white light and that voice he longed to hear. He had no strength to keep shouting or clawing at the walls like he used to do, slowly building an acceptance to everything.

He just resumed with his solitary routine, tossing a rubber ball against the wall and catching it with practiced precision, the rhythmic thud echoing in the room that made a sort of metronome to measure the passing hours. He felt it futile to even try anything, just glad that he had a suppressant until a cure was made. He did long to break free, but these desires were met with anxiety to what would happen next, he knew they wouldn’t let him live his life again; he longed the life before Spain, wanting to reclaim his autonomy. He thought about what he regretted in life, the opportunities he didn’t take… Like asking you on a date; he hated himself for missing the opportunity to build a romance with you, he hated himself for what his body put your through.

His conscious was deep down, but he was aware of everything that damned parasite made him do, he remembered the pleasure it had when it first fucked you in your sleep; he could feel his teeth grinding together, turning into aggressive biting of the lower lip as he threw the ball with more force, remembering how it waited for you to sleep before taking you away, and how you slowly fell inlove with him. That was all he ever wanted, but not the way it happened. He was all numb to it now, no more crying to echo through the walls, just a inner sorrow he felt on the daily now.

You were gone, lost to him, and all he could do now was live life like a laboratory mouse in a box, not being able to think of anything but you.

taglist: @pastel-skies-and-doves @itzkawaiix @cassiecasluciluce@argreion (just comment or message if you wanna be on the taglist, you can always pull out if my writing turns out to not be your liking).

a/n: I hope you liked this update and that all engagement is appreciated. I just wanted to talk about a few things; firstly, I am taking a while to update this. I hope you understand, but I am busy. Also, I don't want to rush this; in the prequel series, I rushed it, and you could see it with the quality lowering in the later chapters; I like this story and want to continue in a way I am proud of the writing and don't think it's awful. I also wanted to state that as much as I appreciate the people excited for this series, it is stressful when I get loads in my inbox asking when it's coming out; I'm not a fanfic-making machine and will need to take time between chapters. Once again, thank you and have a lovely day/evening. don't forget to check my pinned post if you want to see my master list and other fics, mwah mwah mwah.

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thesherrinfordfacility · 4 months

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just while im going through ep6 for a different meta - suddenly struck me that it isn't until the (seemingly coincidental) finding the matchbox that uriel, michael, and saraqael* seem to even know that gabriel has gone down to earth specifically:

and yet gabriel pressing the button for earth is blatantly in the heavenly cctv files:

so first thing: *im, at this point, refusing to believe that saraqael isn't, to some extent and in some manner or other, working against the metatron/archangels. why wouldn't their first thought be to check this obviously very clear and unequivocal surveillance footage? isn't that what their role in heaven is portrayed to encompass?

and second, the timeline of the gabriel footage is now seeming a little strange to me, when considering the events that chronologically follow in the narrative. because he's seen, fully clothed, putting the matchbox straight into the cardboard box (1) (im presuming so it's in there, safe, before he removes his clothes). then, he moves off screen to remove his clothing (2). then, he's seen putting the note on the bottom of the box (3). then, he's seen fumbling with matchbox - i think he's tipping the fly into the cardboard box but dropping the matchbox in the process (4).

presumably, in order to have put the note on the box (3), he - gabriel - would in some capacity have to have known what he was planning (ie. putting his gabrielness into the fly). that would indicate he hasnt removed his gabrielness by that point, and instead it happens at some point after (3)*.

and i think it happens just before (4), because it looks like he's emptying the fly into the cardboard box, out of the matchbox - presumably in a weird process like we see later on, when the fly (ick) enters his eye and his memories return. so, essentially, by the time he enters the lift, im assuming his memories are out of his body and safely in the fly.

so, to summarise, he puts the matchbox in the box before he disrobes to keep it safe, writes the clue on the box, gets out the fly to do the memory-wipey-thing at some point off-screen, and then is seen haphazardly turfing the fly into the box before getting in the lift:

(slowed down to 0.7x because the beginning fumble is so quick)

so, braindump thoughts:

so if we can be clear that gabriel has left the figurative building between (3) and (4), is it possible that another entity takes his place? or sneaks in to cohabit with 'jim'? (if so - god?)

alternatively, is 'jim' even jim? (if saraqael is controlling the BOL, is this a switcheroo they orchestrated? presuming that the cctv footage is happening concurrent to gabriel getting in the lift, not consecutive? and lastly; it was a shitpost, sure, but does this have any merit - has god somehow gotten themselves saved as a .zip file in the system, awaiting upload?)

this is a little unrelated, but honestly... why bother undressing? besides the jon-hamm-bum-factor, why wouldn't he just... immediately beeline to the lift? is it just so if any of the archangels came looking for him, they'd find him doing exactly as he said he would? it seems completely unnecessary, unless you take into account the potential symbolism behind it when he arrives at the bookshop (see above re: god/jesus, and the "who told you i was naked?" line re: adam and eve in eden)

another thing actually: if gabriel has transferred his memory into the fly by the time the lift opens, the last thing he presumably saw was the quote on the matchbox. which would explain why he immediately pressed the button for earth, rather than hell - given his his line to beelzebub of, "i was coming to you, but i... forgot!" but then again, if he cannot remember anything that gabriel saw... why would he link the quote to either aziraphale or crowley?

i don't think ive necessarily noted anything clever here, on my part - more that a couple things suddenly seem... iffy.

#i truly have no idea what im trying to say here but thoughts are welcome (inc ones to tell me to stfu)#(well maybe not that but ykwim)#good omens

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sanctus-ingenium · 2 months

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I'd looove to hear a little about your worldbuilding process if you don't mind sharing. How do you go about it? I know you have shared in a few posts already but just wanna know moree. Also where did it all begin? What inspired you? (eating it all uppp!!!)

hi!! I know I wrote a big long thing like last year or the year before about the process to making a setting but I cannot be arsed to find it rn so here's some disconnected thoughts

Overall I don't really make Headworlds or Worldbuilding Projects the way a lot of people do (which is why u keep hearing me say 'setting' over and over) because mainly what I make are stories in the order of characters -> plot -> world. those three things have to serve one another in that order of importance, so the world itself bends to serve the narrative. for example, ultimately idgaf where the holy beasts' skeletons come from, that is not important because the beasts are basically just a big plot device to serve the story. i can make some post-hoc justifications for their existence (and i did) but at the end of the day it will not and does not matter how they work or where they come from. the world is full of mysteries that will never be solved because the characters are not in a position to solve them. aside from a single border conflict, the world outside the mezian empire is nebulous and unimportant.

I don't enjoy working in a world -> narrative order because what I want to produce isn't just a series of info posts or artpieces about a setting, but a closed and self-contained story which is the justification for the entire world's existence. Headworlds that are all world and no character don't interest me.

So basically in the process of worldbuilding, I have to serve the story. A while back I made a post about continental history around Inver, all these wars and occupations and schisms and so on. All of those exist solely to provide a particular political climate, justification for Aquitan's theocratic structure, and the spread of the southern church north into Inver. I already had the idea of this church, that it would be integral to the country as a main political faction, so now I have to figure out how it got there and the political ramifications of that. It's all worldbuilding for sure, but it's a support structure underneath the story about how that church eventually changes world history, because i wanted to write a story about a church lol.

I guess if I wanted to explain The Process for a world -> characters setting i'd just be giving you How To Write A Story 101 lol. But basically: I think of a concept which interests me (big mechs yay). Then I think of a conflict that might arise (where does the fuel come from? who controls that supply? what might that do to the concentration of power in this area?). Then I put a character in what I consider to be the most interesting position to observe the effects of this conflict (a knight, an enginesmith, an exile), and honestly the main plot generally writes itself after that. I extrapolate the hook from that.

In terms of characters, I try to avoid calling them 'ocs' because in my mind 'oc' tends to be a very static stand-alone thing. Like I couldn't make a useful ref sheet of my characters because they are all changed by the story. I couldn't say 'he has a carefree personality' because in a few chapters no he fucking won't. in the same way i struggle a LOT to talk about my Siren setting which as close to a specbio 'headworld' as i'm ever gonna get, because I am worldbuilding in vastly different time periods at once in a world which is always changing, i can't make a post about for example a map of Siren because that's just a map from one era, I'd need to make a dozen maps to show how things change, how time affects it all, etc.

Because nothing is ever static and everything is in flux, pretty much the only way I can handle a setting like this is, again, just to focus on a few small stories centered around a cast of characters separated by time (i have... 4 distinct stories in Siren. maybe more). this is actually a frustrating barrier to me sharing any information at all about this place lol i'm the struggler

Where did it all begin? When I was 11 I used to write stories in my copybooks in class. There has never been a time where I was not making stories and where my stories were not the only important thing at all to me, superseding literally everything else. I learned how to draw digitally in 2011 because I wanted to draw my characters.

What inspires me? Everything lol. I actually don't have time to Consume Media much, I struggle watching movies or tv and I mostly hate video games because I would much rather be productive and sitting and watching a screen feels like a waste of my time. but I like reading books because I can take them with me on my phone. I get ideas from all sources but mostly non-media sources, like obviously mythology but also my history with the church and my scientific education. Usually nonfictional sources interest me the most (i was going to write a whole story that was a post-apocalyptic plague plot based on canine transmissible venereal cancer haha and even to this day that's where "the Immortal Hound" title comes from, little easter egg in inver)

#sorry this is barely coherent

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justallihere · 2 months

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Firstly, thank you so much for writing sitq- I found it just as I finished reading IF and has very much kept me going! If you ever write any original fic and get published, I’d be very interested in reading as your narrative style is lovely.

Question I’m not sure I’ve not seen asked yet -has poor Xaden spend the week learning to do Violet’s hair while her shoulder is bad, and if yes what is Violet’s reaction going to be to this while she’s so unspeakably furious?

Additionally- can Brennan even heal her shoulder for her, or does that give Basgiath the information that they have a healer that they may want to keep quiet?

Thank you so much!! 🩷🩷

Honestly I started writing a tiny little drabble of Xaden asking Sloane to teach him to braid hair after @skyfallscotland asked but I didn’t love it and I probably won’t bother to flesh it out more, so you can find what I did write below the cut. As for Violet’s reaction—idk if it’s even a thing that will make it in, but it wouldn’t come up for a long time. Xaden wouldn’t just be like “I learned this for you this week!” so by the time she figured it out she wouldn’t be mad at him anymore

Re: Brennan it wouldn’t be that big of a deal. Menders are rare but it’s not impossible that Tyrrendor would’ve had at least one or two since they started training their own riders. No one would immediately assume that it’s Brennan who would’ve healed her

“Sloane.”

“Yes, your majesty?”

Xaden gave her a dry look, but her face didn’t change. She only used the title sarcastically—otherwise she called him Xaden or, in recent weeks, when he particularly annoyed her, Violet’s husband. It seemed everyone in his life liked his wife better than him now. “I need your help.”

“I don’t like the sound of that.” She crossed her arms and gave him a searching look. “What’d you do? And why are you asking me?”

“You know how to braid hair.”

Understanding lit up her eyes, but she said, “I like this even less now.”

“Look.” He tucked his hands in his pockets and returned her unwavering stare. “Violet doesn’t always feel like doing her own hair. I’m trying to learn how in case she needs help. Are you willing or not?”

For a long moment, Sloane didn’t move. Finally, she said, “Fine. But only for Violet,” she added firmly. She turned away. “We’ll need more than just me for this.”

***

“That’s, uh. . . not quite right.”

“She means you’re fucking it up horrifically,” Sloane translated for Tessa. The dark-haired young cadet stood to Xaden’s right—Sloane sat on the table in front of them with her legs crossed, their model for the day as Tessa tried to talk Xaden through the process of creating the coronet braid Violet preferred. Tessa’s own hair was in two braids on either side of her head, twisted together at the nape of her neck into a neat bun. She had more variety in her hairstyles than Violet did, and certainly more than Sloane, who rarely bothered with more than a simple bun, or a braid for flying.

“You have to pull it tighter than that,” Tessa said. “Like—“ She stopped, stared at the mess of tangles that Sloane’s hair had become, and reached for the brush at her hip. “Just start over,” she said finally. A little sigh was the only sign of her disappointment. Earning any sign of annoyance or displeasure from Tessa was a feat in and of itself, and a good indication that this was going even worse than Xaden had thought it would.

He started over.

#storm in the quiet #snippet

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utilitycaster · 5 months

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Fighter Breakdown Tracker, episode 3x78

Welcome to what was originally an opportunity to talk about the myriad wizards (not Myriad wizards, a separate concept) of Campaign 2 that occasionally gets co-opted into other things when the thought arises. Anyway, obviously the main event was the Barbarian Breakdown and, relatedly, the Party Breakdown, due to their Communication Breakdown, giving Allura Vysoren specifically her 19th Nervous Breakdown, but I've already talked a lot about Ashton. How are the fighters doing?

As a reminder: characters are included on the basis of 1. are they a fighter, 2. are they remotely relevant to this campaign, and 3. do I have something funny to say about them. I cannot stress enough how important item 3 is in the decision process; do not make requests, my muse speaks to me and that is how the characters (and, to be honest, classes) are chosen.

Cassandra de Rolo: Yes! According to the Tal'Dorei Campaign Setting (not reborn) she's multiclassed into fighter! Anyway that plan to go to the ziggurat went well, huh? totally normal and great. I like to think that due to her rogue levels she saw Fearne march down the ziggurat steps and just peaced out and has been chilling in Pike's little cabin ever since. 4/10: normal "is the world ending" concerns but otherwise she's having maybe the best day anyone on the Whitestone War Council can.

Jarett Howarth: he's specifically avoiding Bells Hells because motherfuckers keep teleporting from Marquet and not bringing any fusaka. This, plus normal "putting the Pale Guard on a war footing and also there's a really mad goat lady in the garden" bumps him up to a 6/10.

Orym: my serious thoughts about the space made for Chetney, FCG, and Imogen to step up aside I honestly think the semi-joking narrative of Orym going off in a huff and working out his feelings quite literally via the power of elaborate bodyweight calisthenics of the sort that grant you 20 Dex and 10 Str would be good for him. Allow yourself a little pettiness, Orym; it's good for the soul. 5/10 because I don't fucking know; we'll see next game.

Ariks Eshteross: I hope he's at peace and buried next to his love as requested; I still haven't gotten around to making those cookies actually and frankly I've had much more of an eye on the gunpowder tea shortbread. 0/10; I like to think he has found true rest.

Bertrand Bell: These motherfuckers have not visited the grave of their namesake at ALL. Traipsing around the Raven Queen's temple - literally everyone but Laudna and FCG has wandered over to that corner of the city - and NO ONE has taken a moment to pause and reflect. He died as he lived: everyone kind of setting him aside for more important matters except for followers of the Raven Queen. 8/10 because hopefully he was entertained by the raven show that got put on but also, come on man you couldn't stop by at all?

FRIDA: I have to imagine things in Vasselheim are wild and it's going to be missing FCG hours, but at least they're in great company! 5/10; they're a pretty even-keeled robot all things considered but the situation is pretty tense.

Otohan Thull: My sole regret about how great this episode is and the fact that we're dropping into the Fey Realm for a bit to have some much-needed time to regroup is that we are likely delaying their richly deserved demise. Anyway everyone's beloathed Palpatine knockoff is unfortunately super unflappable; another reason why they are boring as shit and why I very much want Bells Hells to make the bridge a little bit bloodier on the way up. 3/10.

Percival Friedrickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III: Here's the thing. All things considered, his personal position is stressful, but not terrible. The ziggurat did not blow up; Gwen appears to either have not told him about her Delilah incident or did so in such a way that he didn't realize what was going on; he doesn't seem to have noticed the break-in into his parents' bedroom yet; Allura was reassuring re: Whitestone likely being safe (although...it's on a ley nexus so watch out!); and he got to deliver the line "ever since I met you, I knew you were destined for stupidity" which is actually how he specifically blows off steam. On the other hand, every single window in the castle has been destroyed, Allura had to leave, and I just checked and confirmed that Pike does not have the mending cantrip. Maybe one of the local clerics does? Maybe one of his kids does? Maybe Vilya or Ebenold does? Maybe Grog's in town and can be convinced that the role of the Grand Poobah etc etc is fixing windows? 6/10.

#d&d class breakdown tracker #(the new generic tag no one asked for but i need)#critical role #critical role spoilers

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n7cloacadestroyer · 18 days

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"ACAB applies to Garrus"

I've heard this independently 3-4 times over the past week, and it strikes me as such an odd thing to say. Not because it isn't true--we know Garrus wasn't above working a suspect over if he thought it would make them talk. Like, he wasn't just a cop, he was kind of a dirty one. Not in the same way as someone like Harkin, but definitely in the "you better hope his hunch doesn't lead him to you or you're getting beaten with a rubber hose until you tell him what he wants to hear" kind of way. Which is arguably just as bad, if not worse.

No, the reason it's such an odd thing to say is that ACAB honestly applies to about half of the characters in the visible universe of Mass Effect. It's a very "save us, military industrial complex," sort of narrative in many respects--up to and including the part where all the politicians and diplomats basically have "beta cuck," or "dick dastardly's understudy," tattooed on their forehead with very few exceptions.

That's just something you have to accept if you want to enjoy the series. It's a star war, not an insightful commentary on power structures and the abuse of the people therein.

If you want to evaluate it as one, then there are quite a few bigger fish in this particular pond. The Citadel Council alone is one of the most abusable legislative mechanisms conceivable, and admission to their ranks is predicated solely on approval by the current Council. The council whose individual votes would be weakened by adding another member. Not to mention that the idea of an individual speaking for their entire species is bananas on its face.

And not to put too fine a point on it, but Shepard is a fed. Like, a "clandestine intervention and special operations" kind of fed. ACAB absolutely applies to them too.

The Point™: The Mass Effect universe was created solely to facilitate a role playing game in which the player had more narrative freedom than was typical of AAA titles at the time. If you apply any degree of knowledge regarding sociology or political science, the thing falls apart faster than the M-44 Hammerhead. Basically anybody who has spent more than five minutes thinking about it could tell you that. Anybody can also tell you that if the game mirrored an effective and equitable political process, there probably wouldn't be much call to splatter some faceless space pirate against a wall with your dark energy mind powers. If you want to be all cinemasins about it, that's your call, but I don't think you would make a very good action game going about it that way.

I'm not trying to say that you're wrong if you don't like Garrus. It's a matter of opinion, first and foremost. There are valid reasons to dislike him. Like his elevator conversations, for example. But it's more than a little disingenuous to pretend he is uniquely or egregiously problematic in his abuse of power while we control Commander Shepard--the literal avatar of abusing their power with little to no consequences.

#op #mass effect #commander shepard #mass effect trilogy #mass effect lore #garrus #MELE #mass effect legendary edition #garrus vakarian #mass effect politics #meta #text

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blighted-lights · 2 months

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because of course im gonna ask: first aid? —cmofirstaid

(Based off of this post! TFP Soundwave, IDW Sunstreaker, IDW First Aid, IDW Ravage, and IDW Cosmos have all been asked for! Feel free to send in an ask for any character that isn't one of these five 🌸❗️Not limited to followers or mutuals, so go wild!)

First Impression: Oh shit, First Aid! I read MTMTE before I read most of IDW, and I was fucking stoked to see him appear in the Delphi arc- ESPECIALLY with how he was introduced with his report that doubled as the issue's intro narration. Aside from that, though, I didn't focus on him much during my first read-through. Pharma and Ambulon immediately stole the show away from him, and it wasn't until my second read a few months later that I really focused on Aid. Aside from being happy to see him, I LOVED how he was drawn in MTMTE. He's always been cute, but something with how he was drawn in the first half of MTMTE really cemented for me that he has one of the best designs. He somehow manages to be boxy and round at the same time and I love him for it.

Impression Now: You are ENTIERLY responsible for how much First Aid means to me now, I hope you know this. One of my top ten IDW faves. His design remains one of my favorites, and I wish we got more canon content digging into his POV of things pre-mutiny. I wish he stayed on the Lost Light instead of being called away, too! There is so much focus on Ratchet passing over the title of CMO to First Aid, but then Aid leaves so quickly after. Idk, I wish we just got to see him more pre-mutiny. Aid is such a tragic character to me but he's another background tragedy and it makes me want to shake my screen a bit when I think about him. A somewhat vaguely odd thing to say, but I wish we got to see more of First Aid's grief over Ambulon and his feelings towards Pharma. Honestly I wished we got to see more interactions between Aid and the rest of the medical cast in general- including Ratchet, Velocity (ESPECIALLY Lotty (is not biased)), and Rung.

Favorite Moment: Speaking of Pharma, my favorite moment of First Aid is this one right here:

I think Aid should be shown like this more often. I NEED him to be angry. I need him to be murderous. As a treat for myself. I hate the idea in media where the good guys refuse to kill a villain because they'd be "letting the villain win". It's good to see that narrative challenged by Aid here.

... Even if the consequences aren't easily forgotten.

Idea for a Story: Someone put First Aid and Rung into a therapy appointment, I need to pick their interactions apart under a microscope. I do not thing going to Rung would be able to help Aid. In fact, it might just make an already shitty situation worse. But I want to see First Aid sit down and talk about what he is experiencing. And maybe I want to see Rung unintentionally making his grieving process more difficult. We already know from Rung's own admission in Lost Light that he does not know who he is without his patients. He banks his entire identity and self-worth on trying to assist other people. But what happens when nothing he does seems to help First Aid, and therefore his own self-image begins to crumble for it? How does his own perceived failings affect his treatment of First Aid?

Unpopular Opinion: 🤔 Not sure if I have one. I'm allergic to the idea of Aid being really nice and nervous 100% of the time, ig. All things considered, the First Aid we have in IDW isn't nervous at all. But I don't actually know how prevalent this is in fandom or if this is even an unpopular take 🤷‍♂️.

Favorite Relationship: Canon-wise? It's a toss up between him and Ambulon and then him and Ratchet. It is devastating how hard Aid takes Ambulon's death, and his desperation to help save Ambulon when Ratchet wouldn't let him was heartbreaking to read. At the same time, I NEED more of First Aid and Ratchet arguing with each other and Aid calling Ratchet out on his bullshit. It is rare that anyone steps up to Ratchet like that and succeeds in affecting him. I would like more, thanks.

Non-canon relationships? Another toss-up between Velocity and Ravage. Put these three in a blunt rotation, I'm sure they'll be fine.

Favorite Headcanon: First Aid is extremely tactile. There is not a word or phrase that could properly describe how touchy First Aid is. He has the capability to turn someone who is touch-starved to touched-out in the span of thirty minutes. While this is in part due to just him being an affectionate person in general (or at the very least, more physically affectionate than most other Autobots), it is also partially because of his intense focus on Autobot brands. He is so used to checking everyone he comes across for their brands in the case that they might have a bullet shot through them that the process of checking someone over is compulsive. This extends to people who fall outside of the Autobot ranks who do not even have brands, like Ravage, Cyclonus, and Ten. It's earned him more than a few strange looks and awkward silences over the course of being on the Lost Light.

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andreal831 · 5 months

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Elijah and Stefan could live without Klaus and Damon

One of my tik toks about the end of The Originals has brought forward a lot of people saying Elijah "couldn't live without Klaus" or something to that effect. I've seen people use this same argument for Stefan. And I hate this thought process.

First, it is usually said to completely discredit their sacrifice. For instance, when I talk about how it made no sense for both Elijah and Klaus to die at the end of TO and completely orphan Hope. I will always argue that Elijah should have been the one to sacrifice his life and Klaus to live for his daughter. Would this ending have broken my heart, yes, but it would have aligned better with the character arcs and overall story.

When the fandom talks about Klaus' sacrifice, it's to say how amazing he was, how he finally got redemption, and how much he loved his daughter. When Elijah's sacrifice is talked about, it's to bring up Hayley's death and talk about his codependency with Klaus. The same thing happens with Stefan, they mention Elena and his codependency on Damon. Completely neglecting the fact that these characters did in fact sacrifice their lives for their family.

Second, it's canonically inaccurate. Elijah and Stefan both showed multiple times that they can live without their brothers. That, in fact, they are better off without their brothers. We don't know their full lives, but in most flashbacks we see, they are either separated or recently reunited. Stefan makes friends with Lexie who completely turns his vampirism around. She is his best friend and knows him better than anyone and she warns Damon to stay away because Damon has the tendency to push Stefan off his sobriety when he gets bored or angry. Damon actually does more harm to Stefan. When Damon 'dies,' Stefan creates a life for himself away from the supernatural. Sure the fans didn't like it, but he still moves on. Unlike Damon who wants to entomb himself because Elena is gone.

Elijah and Klaus do spend the large majority of their eternity together, but they also have spent large chunks of it apart. Specifically most of the 1900s. Elijah leaves in 1919 to lead Mikael away and only reunites briefly in 1933 to warn Klaus. They are only together for a matter of days before Klaus threatens to dagger Elijah. They go their separate ways again. We don't see how Elijah is coping in this time, but he does manage to live nearly 100 years without Klaus and seems to come out on the other side fine. Similar to Stefan, Elijah thrives without Klaus when he erases his memories. It's the happiest we see him throughout the entire show.

Finally, we see throughout both shows that Stefan and Elijah are a little bit unstable emotionally. They both view their lives as less than because of their trauma. Both Stefan and Elijah choosing to sacrifice themselves had less to do with codependency and more to do with self worth. They were both characters who felt an immense amount of guilt for all of the harm they had caused and viewed themselves as monsters. They did not think they deserved to live and be happy, unlike Damon and Klaus. So when we frame their deaths around their brothers, it detracts from their struggles and their deeper characters. I know the show liked to push the narrative that their lives revolved around Damon and Klaus because of ratings/Julie Plecs' weird obsessions, but it completely erases the characters to do so.

Elijah and Stefan could live without their brothers. They did and seemed to be happier. Obviously losing a sibling would be devastating and they would mourn, but it would give them a chance to find true purpose in their lives. Both families had a mass amount of codependency but it's usually only focused on Elijah and Stefan as a way to make their characters revolve around the other brother. It's sloppy and honestly tired writing. If the writers cared more about the story than ratings, we would have seen character growth and seen Stefan and Elijah learn to branch out on their own and break the toxic cycle.

These narratives that the brothers can't live without the other is simply pushed so the fandom can feel good about their sacrifices instead of actually looking at it for what is was: a sacrifice.

#elijah mikealson #stefan salvatore #klaus mikaelson #damon salvatore #their sacrifices matter #the writers were just terrible at dealing with mental health #and building any kind of character development #tvdu #the originals #tvd #the vampire diaries #the mikaelsons #metas #salvatore brothers #mikaelson brothers

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strawhattery · 10 days

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utilities included: the faq

ahead of the utilities included finale, i shared my retrospring on here & twitter, and i invited anyone to ask questions about the story. you can find the answers to those questions below the cut, and i'll be updating this post as any additional questions come in!

why did you choose an alpha/alpha pairing?

i think i was drawn to that dynamic specifically because it felt the most accurate to how i interpret their canon dynamic. it also gave me a vehicle to explore sanji's identity (and queerness), which was a lot of fun.

why did you choose sanji's limited POV?

limited POV in a romance story creates an interesting layer of narrative tension ("how does the other character feel?") that i love. i also knew early on that i wanted sanji to be a chronic overthinker in contrast to zoro's more simple, straightforward approach to life, and i knew that i wanted that contrast in their personalities to be the root of the story's "conflict." so it was easy to decide that i needed to plant myself in sanji's headspace for the story—that's where all the conflict is!

why did i decide to remove sanji's ability to sense pheromones?

when i was first outlining the story, sanji was actually going to move into the apartment as a favor to his friend luffy, who was begging him to take over his lease. but when i sat down to write this, it didn't really feel like luffy to me, so i pivoted to story so luffy has already run off and nami's trying to find a total stranger to take over his lease. this is what you see at the very beginning of chapter one. however, i quickly realized a plot hole in this: if sanji could sense pheromones, he'd immediately know the place wasn't nami's, and he might not even step foot in the apartment to begin with (because i was always going to write him not liking or trusting other alphas). so. uh. i nixed his ability to smell pheromones. and that spur of the moment decision ended up becoming the cornerstone of sanji's characterization and a major part of his internal conflict. i actually forgot until i sat down to answer this question why this became part of the story because it was a decision made so early in the process that it's funny to think there was ever a version of utilities included in my mind that didn't have it!

which part of utilities included did i enjoy creating the most?

chapter 10 is my favorite chapter overall, but the pool scene at the end of chapter 3 is really special to me. it's the first time sanji realizes these people are thinking of him as a friend, and it's also the strawhats (and friends) being petty criminals in a modern AU. honestly, any of the group scenes (with 4+ characters) i had a blast writing. i love the chaos and the silliness and also being able to push myself to make every character sound distinct from one another on the page. but the pool scene is just extra special for me.

while writing sanji POV, did i think of what zoro's POV would be each scene?

generally speaking: no. when i first started writing fanfiction, i had this compulsion to cram every detail i had thought about into my exposition instead of letting the details come up naturally through conversation or character observation. there are different ways you can get out of this trap as a writer (or lean into it, if you want to), but for me the most effective method was the most simple: if you don't need it, just don't think about it! so unless zoro's state of mind was directly contributing to the plot (because of what he was saying or how he was acting), i simply did not think about it. i like to think that gives sanji's spiraling thoughts some degree of authenticity because while sanji was thinking "how does zoro feel about this?" i was also thinking "hm. i wonder how zoro feels about all this." well. to an extent. i knew that zoro was going to be into sanji from the first moment they met (he likes blades. sanji threw a blade. simple.) and i knew that their first kiss was going to be zoro's "little garden" moment where he'd suddenly go from neutrally annoying sanji to actively stoking the fires of sanji's competitive spirit (and sexuality). and i knew that when the "define the relationship" conversation inevitably came to pass, zoro was going to be just as Not Bothered about it as sanji was Bothered. that's it, that's all i planned for zoro's perspective (with the obvious exception of the epilogue). i'm a big fan of working smarter, not harder with this stuff ☺️

what did sanji first smell like to zoro?

i kind of touch on this in the epilogue, but i'll expand a bit here. for sanji's pheromones, i wanted them to reflect the duality of his canon personality: both harsh and kind. so i wrote his pheromones as being both sweet and a little burnt. when i was thinking of how pheromones "work" i was loosely using the formula of "imagine you smelled a subtle scent ONCE, then ten years later your brain had to recreate that scent from memory." so zoro's brain does something like sweet + burned = caramel / sake, another character's brain might do something like sweet + burned = tobacco. it's less about a 1:1 scent and more about what their brain associates with that scent, if that makes sense? and if it doesn't make sense, you can see why i enjoyed writing a 100k story from the POV of the one character who can't understand this crap ☺️ as for their first impressions: when zoro first walked into the apartment, sanji had been contently cooking, so the room was probably very sweet at first. then there was a sudden, sharp burst of that burnt smell when sanji's anxiety kicked in.

was zoro into sanji from their first meeting? did he have an "oh" moment?

i wouldn't call it love at first death threat, but zoro was definitely interested in sanji from their first meeting. nothing like a little adrenaline to jumpstart zoro's attraction. i don't think zoro had an "oh" moment in the traditional sense, just because i think he goes with the flow so well that he's less likely to get bowled over by a sudden surge of feeling? if that makes sense? i think he'd be much more like "damn, i was right all along" than "oh" but that's just my take on him 🙃 as for when he fell in love, i personally like to think it was watching sanji's ddr match against koby. but i'm open to all other interpretations too ☺️

how did zoro feel seeing sanji cuddling with his friends for the first time in chapter three?

this is an interesting question. i didn't really think about it much while writing the scene, but i think zoro would probably not have lingered on the moment very much. i think, to him, it's obvious that sanji would be integrated into (and loved by) the people closest to zoro. if sanji was the sort of person zoro's friends wouldn't love, zoro would never have pursued anything more with him to begin with, and they would have just stayed contentious roommates forever. but zoro knew from early on how much his friends liked sanji, so seeing them all cuddled up together like that was probably just confirming what he already assumed.

we know what happened to sanji, but what happened this siblings?

i haven't thought too much about this because, again, i don't think sanji thinks too much about what happened to them. he was isolated from his siblings as a child—at first for judge's fear that whatever was wrong with him might be communicable, then later as a sort of carrot-and-stick measure (if sanji got better, he could play with his siblings; as long as he didn't get better, they were allowed to bully him). if i had dug into the vinsmoke siblings more, i'd probably have characterized them as people still adhering to the same reductive beliefs judge tried to instill in sanji early in life. they wouldn't have been exposed to the same medical trauma, but they would have been fed a lot of misinformation about alpha dominance and what it means to be the "right kind" of alpha in this society.

are there any canon side ships in utilities included's universe? are luffy and law an item?

i think the only confirmed ships besides sanji & zoro are robin/franky, nami/vivi, and usopp/kaya. luffy and law definitely have something going on, but what that something is is never confirmed. i'm happy to leave everything about them open to interpretation!

#utilities included #faq #by me #strawhattery #i'll continue to update this with more questions as i get them!

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