#it really has no right to exist or make me feel so much
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When You’re Gone
(Ex!Boyfriend!Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader)
Summary: You go to one of Eddie’s shows and see him for the first time since you broke up and he’s willing to do anything to win you back. WK: 5.8K
Warnings: Slight angst in the beginning, mention of heart break/break ups, Eddie was kind of dick before the break up but he’s sweet through this entire thing, pining, unprotected sex, fingering, sixty nine, just a lil bit of choking, fluff fluff fluff, lmk if I missed any! 18+MDNI!!
A/N: So I’ve been missing Eddie a lot, I’ve been thinking about writing for him again off and on but the fear that I have from being bullied in this fandom has stopped me. But I guess all it took for me to break was seeing that ASSS so, I offer you this. Idk when I’ll write ST again, maybe it’ll be consistent, maybe it won’t. I guess this is a bit of a trial run. I put my HEART into this, I really kind of poured everything I’ve been feeling the last few months into writing this so that makes me extra nervous. But I hope you guys like it, I love u🖤
You couldn’t believe you let Robin talk you into this. You hadn’t seen or talked to Eddie In months. Not since you stormed off the set of the music video he practically begged you to star in. He was being a gigantic snob the entire shoot. Telling you that “you weren’t doing it right” or “looks like we are going to have to shoot that again, can you get your head in the game, babe?” But the thing was your head was in the game and you were doing every single thing he asked exactly how he asked and yet it still wasn’t enough.
That was just the final straw. He had been acting like the sun revolved around him. Around his music. Around partying and blowing money just so he could brag about the shit he has. He started calling your friends and family back home less and less. Missing date nights. Forgetting anniversaries. He stopped telling you how beautiful you looked any chance he got and treating you like you were his everything because he had so much more than you now. Which you would never be upset about, you were and are still proud of him for every single thing he’s accomplished. But that problem was that he stopped being your Eddie almost entirely.
You hoped that it would pass, that it was just because it was all so new, the money, the fame, the adoration. But after almost two years it just continued to get worse and no matter how much you tried to bring it up to him he just reassured you time and time again that you meant everything to him. With no change. You couldn’t continue to give him everything while it felt like he virtually forgot you existed everyday. So you walked away, even though he was yelling after you, not because he wanted you to stay, but because he needed to get back on set and finish filming. You went back to your shared home, packed your things, and left.
Robin was more than happy to let you stay with her and her girlfriend while you got back on your feet. You couldn’t stay in L.A. without Eddie, he was all you had there. So you went back home to Indiana. To your friends and your family. Where you felt seen and you felt like you mattered again. But that didn’t take away the ache in your heart for him. The entire piece of you that felt like it was missing without him. Eddie had been a constant in your life since you were little.
You grew up together. You were both too stupid to get your heads out of your asses and admit how crazy you were about each other until you graduated highschool but you thought after that it would be forever. It’s always been you and him. You went through every phase, every hardship, every big life event with Eddie by your side. When him and the guys got that record deal you were more than happy to continue to stand by him through it all. But apparently he didn’t feel the same. Which felt like a stab in your chest day after day. You really did miss him so much. But you weren’t even sure if he missed you too.
Eddie was sweating fucking buckets. He hasn’t been this nervous for a show in over a year, going up in front of all those people was a walk in the park to him at this point. But knowing you were going to be here tonight changes everything. He wants it to be perfect. He’s been working on this song for you since you left, just hoping that he would have a chance to play it for you. He didn’t want you to hear it on the radio, no, he wants you to hear it directly from him. He wants to see your face after. He wants to tell you how sorry he is for losing sight of the only thing that made all of this worth it. He just wants you.
Not a day has gone by since you left that he didn’t feel empty. He couldn’t do anything without thinking of you. His favorite restaurants were your favorite restaurants. His favorite movies were your favorite movies too. Your side of the bed being empty made him feel so lonely that he started just passing out on the couch every night to avoid looking at it. He stopped going to parties. Hardly ever saw anyone unless he had to go to the studio or play a show. Tour was awful, you were by his side through their entire debut tour so doing it without you felt like doing it without one of his guitar strings, or his arm.
The fans could tell he was less engaged. His record label was on his ass and so were the guys. He just couldn’t seem to shake you. At this point none of it even feels like it matters if he can’t have you. You’re all he wants and if he has to do all of this without you, if this is what ruined the two of you, part of him doesn’t even want it. A big part. He’s thought about dropping everything and just flying home to beg at your doorstep. But each time he talked himself out of it, not even sure if you’d want to see him.
But tonight? You were going to be here at his show and this was his chance to win you back. He would give it all up for you in an instant, all you had to do was ask and he would do it, no matter what it was. So when Robin called him and asked him to set aside an extra ticket for you he felt like this was the universe giving him another shot. He just hoped you would too.
Your whole body was vibrating as you watched Eddie on stage, your heart felt like it was practically beating to the sound of his music, calling out to him. He looked good, really good, and as emotional as you are you still can’t deny the way your core throbs, and your thighs clench together at the sight of him. His hair was a perfect mess, the tattered at the knee jeans he was wearing fit him like a dream, and were reminiscent of the ones he used to wear, when he was your Eddie. Not the designer ones you’ve seen him in recently. He was wearing the battle vest you guys made in your first apartment before everything got chaotic and went to shit. With nothing under it. His tattooed chest and torso were on display and you noticed a few new additions. But your eyes nearly pop out of your head when they land on the little stick-n-poke heart with your initials in the middle that you gave him when you were 18 was touched up.
You can’t tear your eyes away from it for a good thirty seconds, just as they start to well up with tears you snap yourself out of it, looking up at his face again. This time locking eyes with him for the first time in nearly six months. Eddie’s soft chocolate eyes go wide and his fingers falter on the strings for half a second before he fucking smirks at you right as he picks up on the chorus. He keeps his eyes on you for the rest of the song, before announcing that they only had a few left.
Eddie is trying to focus on the crowd, focus on his chords, focus on anything but you, but it’s damn near impossible. His eyes just keep traveling back to you because he missed you so much, because you looked so fucking beautiful standing in the very front row under the stage lights and you were looking at him in a way that gave him hope. He made eye contact with a few fans, reached down to touch their hands, but no matter what he did he couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. When it came time to announce the second to last song he felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest. His eyes lingered on yours for a moment before turning to address the crowd.
“Hey guys.” Cheers erupt all around you and Eddie smiles, flipping his sweaty hair back, making you and probably every other girl in the room swoon. “Thanks for coming out tonight, you’ve been fucking awesome. This next song is… well, it’s a new song. I mean, it’s new to you guys, I’ve been working on it for a while. So there’s this girl…” His eyes lock with yours again and your heart beats somehow even faster. “She’s here tonight and I really fucked things up with her, obviously some shitty song isn’t gonna erase all of that. But I guess this is just kind of my way of trying to make up for it. Or at least starting to.”
As the band plays the opening notes of the song you immediately notice it’s a lot slower and more melodic than their usual songs. They have a few other songs like this, love songs that Eddie wrote about you, happy ones. But this is nothing like that, especially when Eddie starts to sing. He never takes his eyes off of you as the lyrics fall from his lips, lyrics about how sorry he is, how badly he fucked up, how he misses you so much he feels like his soul is missing. He pours his heart out to you as his deep voice filled with longing fills the venue.
You can’t stop the silent tears that stream down your face, unable to tear your eyes away from his for even a second. Eddie Munson, the love of your life, the beautiful boy who you got to watch turn into an even more beautiful man, is standing in front of thousands of people practically begging you for another chance. And it’s like every dream you’ve had since you left coming true. All you wanted was for him to come back to you and apologize, maybe beg a little. You might be an idiot for holding out hope that he would, but you always knew in your heart that you’d take him back if he did. It might take some time for you to fully trust him again, but if he’s willing to try so are you.
As the song comes to an end Eddie thanks everyone, making the crowd go crazy. Then he announces that the next song will be their last before looking down at you again. The flashing lights dance over the tears streaming down your cheeks but you’re smiling at him and it makes his heart soar. And when you blow him a kiss that he of course catches, putting it close to his heart like he has a million times, he feels like a dorky teenager in love with his best friend again. He watches you disappear into the crowd and his heart falls, almost forgetting that he was even on stage performing, all he could see was you. He could hardly focus through the last song, hastily thanking everyone for coming because he was absolutely terrified that you left without even giving him a chance to talk to you face to face.
You push through the sea of sweaty bodies until you get to the far end of the stage, stopping in front of the security guard, who of course recognized you and let you pass without even glancing at the bracelet on your wrist. You run over to Robin, practically knocking her over.
“Whoa! Slow down dude, are you okay? That was… a lot.” Robin grabs onto your shoulders to center you, her eyes laced with concern.
“Yeah, I’m good, I’m uh - I’m gonna go wait for Eddie in his dressing room.” You bite your lip nervously, avoiding eye contact with her, scared of her reply.
“Oh thank god! I can’t wait to tell Steve the plan worked!” Robin’s eyes go wide as her hand comes to cover her mouth. “I meaaan…”
“You know what? I’m going to bug you about this later, but right now I have to go.”
“Yesss!!! Go get your man!!!”
You snort as you turn away from her, rushing down the hall until you see the door with Eddie’s name on it. You pace the room a few times before sitting down on the black leather couch, bouncing your leg so hard it makes the legs shake. The air feels especially humid as your nerves course through your body, the material of the couch sticking to your bare thighs with each bounce of your knee. You can’t stop messing with your hair, adjusting your top, fiddling your fingers. It’s probably only been ten minutes but it feels like it’s been an eternity when the door finally pushes open.
“Princess” Eddie stands in the doorway, looking stunned. His eyes are wide, and filled with adoration as his large ringed hand comes to rest against his chest. “Hi.”
“Hi Eddie.” You smile at him softly as you let out an almost dreamy sigh. “I liked your song.”
“Yeah?” He takes a few steps forward until there’s only a few feet between you. “I missed you. I’m so sorry, I was such a fucking idiot. I can’t believe I let you walk away.”
His eyes are sad as he casts them down, looking at his fingers as he fiddles with his rings. A classic tell tale sign that Eddie was nervous.
“And I totally get it if you don’t want anything to do with me still, I fucked up. Bad.”
“Eddie…” you sigh, standing up to close the remaining distance between you. You grab onto his hands, stopping his movements as you look up into his eyes. “Look at me.”
When he looks you in the eyes again his own are brimmed with tears, and his lip is quivering. And even though you’re still upset with him, all you want to do is comfort him. It was like second nature to you.
“I love you.” You say it so plainly, so matter of fact that it makes the tears flow down his cheeks, a heavy sob escape his chest. You grab onto his cheeks, pulling his forehead down to rest against yours. “I love you Eddie.”
“I love you. I love you so much. I miss you everyday. None of this is worth it without you. Everything feels so dull. Everything I do reminds me of you.” His hands come to rest over top of yours as his tears continue to flow, tears of your own now streaming down your face. “Please just give me a chance to make it up to you, sweetheart. I’ll do anything. I’ll leave it all behind. Never touch my guitar again. Cut off my arm. Anything.”
“Well, you don’t have to go doing all of that…” you chuckle, tilting your chin so you can connect his lips with your own. You pour everything into that kiss, your love for him, your hurt, your anger, your longing. And he does the same. Kissing you like he would die if he didn’t. You only pull away when you absolutely need to take a breath of air. Foreheads still connected as you pant against each other's lips, just inches apart.
“God I missed your lips, princess.” Eddie runs his hands down your face, cupping your jaw. “Missed every part of you.”
“I missed you too Eddie, god.” You kiss him again, this time running your tongue across his plush bottom lip. He immediately grants you access, intertwining your tongues with a groan. Your fingers come up to lace through his curls, and tug causing him to moan into your mouth. His hands travel down your body, resting on your hips, his thumbs just grazing that bit of skin between your top and your skirt. You push yourself further against him, moaning when his hands move to grab your ass.
“Baby, wait, don’t you think we should talk more?” He pulls away breathlessly tilting his head back so he can look at you.
“Later. We can talk later.” You take a few steps back, stumbling a little on your heeled boots as the backs of your knees hit the couch, you plop down, pulling Eddie down with you. He puts his hands on the back of the cushions on either side of your head so he can lean down over you, his face inches from yours, his hair almost acting like a curtain around you, shielding you from the outside world. “Kiss me again, please.”
“You don’t gotta beg, princess, I told you I’d do anything, didn’t I?” He smirks at you as kisses you again, slipping his tongue into your mouth. You moan as your fingers desperately grasp onto the sides of his vest, pulling him closer.
“Touch me, Eddie.” You whimper, leaning back to look up at him through your lashes, your lips are kiss swollen and your lipstick is all but nothing at this point.
“Baby, are you sure you don’t want to talk before we-“
“Eddie, I appreciate your chivalry, I really do. But you said anything, right? I want, need, to feel your fingers again, please.” And how could he resist you, when you’re looking at him like that? And your skirt is pushed so far up your legs he can see your little lace panties, his favorite pair, if he isn’t mistaken. He would literally lick the bottom of your boots if you asked him to.
“I told you that you don’t have to beg, doll, I’m the one that should be begging for the privilege of being able to touch you.” He smirks, planting a sloppy kiss on your lips before kissing down your jaw, to your throat, leaving little nips along the way. “Missed this body so much.”
One of his hands grabs onto the top of your thigh, his thumb running over your slit through the thin lace of your panties pulling a soft moan from your lips.
“Missed this pussy so much.” He grazes over your clit before applying light pressure, rubbing circles on it with the pad of his thumb. “You’re so wet for me already, your body missed me too, huh sweetheart?”
“Yes, missed you so much, baby.” You pull him down further so that his free hand is resting on the cushion next to you and his neck and jaw were close enough to kiss and suck bruises into. “Mine, mine, mine.”
“All yours.” He chuckles as pushes your panties to the side, circling two fingers around your entrance and curling them upwards, stroking them against your sweet spot immediately. “Oh, you’re so fucking tight, practically sucking me in.”
“My fingers were never be as good as yours - ohmyfuckinggod.” A loud moan rips through you and your head falls back against the couch as he starts to thrust his fingers quickly in and out of your dripping hole. His thumb finds your clit, circling it in time with his fingers as his lips attach to your neck, giving you a mark of his own.
“Never have to live without them again if you don’t want to, I’ll worship this pussy everyday until I die if you’ll let me.” Eddie kisses down your chest, using his free hand to push your little tank top and bra down, freeing your tits. He kisses across the tops of them, leaving gentle open mouth kisses on both your peaked nipples before licking between the valley of them. He slides his tongue over so he can latch onto one of your nipples and it sends you over the edge.
“Ohhh fuck! Eddie! I’m cumming, I’m fucking cumming.” Your pussy clenches around his fingers as he continues to thrust them deep and fast into you.
“Yeah, that’s it, baby girl, cum for me. You look so fucking beautiful.” He kisses your cheek before leaning up and pulling his fingers from you. He holds eye contact with you as he sucks them into his mouth with a groan. “Just as sweet as I remember.”
“Eddie, please fuck me, I need you.” Your legs are still spread, your glistening pussy practically calling his name, framed perfectly by those little panties that he loves so much like a work of fucking art. The way your shirt and bra are pushed down under your tits is making them look irresistible. He leans down, resting both of his hands on your knees, and smiles at you in a way that makes your stomach flip.
“You have no idea how fucking badly I want you right now, but can I take you back to my hotel? I wanna take my take with you.” He nuzzles his nose against yours before sliding it along your cheek, placing a soft kiss there.
“Okay, yeah, that sounds good.” You’re breathless and so fucking horny but the idea of getting to fuck Eddie in a bed, where you would be totally alone, sounded a lot more appealing than fucking him in a dressing room where anyone could walk in.
You grab onto Eddie’s vest and push it off his body the minute the door to his hotel room is shut behind you. You take his face in your hands, your eyes shining as you look up at him while you rub your thumbs across his temples.
“You’re so beautiful Eddie.” You coo at him, running your hands down his chest.
“I like your new tattoos… and this.” You run your pointer finger across the band of his pants before tracing the little heart on his hip. “When did you do this?”
“Uh - A few weeks ago.” He grabs the hand tracing along his hip and takes it in his own, bringing it up to his lips so he can place a gentle kiss on the back of it. “I was getting this other tattoo and my artist asked if I wanted to cover it up. I laughed at him and told him to touch it up instead.”
“Eddie… you feel heat rise in your cheeks as butterflies erupt in your stomach. “I want you so bad.”
“Yeah, pretty girl? I told you I’m all yours.” He grabs onto your hips, pulling you back toward the bed so he can sit on the edge of it with you between his spread legs. “Gonna worship this body, show you how much I missed you.”
He grips onto your shoulders rubbing them gently for a moment before hooking his fingers in the straps of your bra and tank top, pulling them down your shoulders. He leans forward, kissing along your bare collar bone as one of his hands snakes around under your skirt to grab a hand full of your ass.
“Missed these perfect tits.” He takes them in his hands, squeezing them, before he grabs onto the hem of your shirt and pulls it over your head. He reaches behind you to undo your bra, his fingertips gently gliding over your skin with each touch. He took his time taking your skirt off, kissing every inch of exposed skin he could until you were completely bare before him. “So fucking perfect, baby doll.” He grips onto your ass looking up at you with his bottom lip between his teeth. “Need to taste that sweet pussy.”
“Take your pants off first.” You reach forward and undo his belt before working on his button and zipper, popping them open to reveal his thick cock covered by the material of his boxers. He lifts his hips so you can pull them down to his ankles and you bend down to unlace his boots.
“Fuck, you look so sexy, makes me think about that time I made you hump my boot…” Eddie smirks down at you as he takes your face in his palm and runs his thumb along your bottom lip. It makes your pussy flutter around nothing.
“Yeah, that was one of the hottest things you’ve ever done, if I’m being honest.” You giggle before flicking your tongue out to run it along the pad of his digit.
“Jesus Christ, get up here before I bust from just looking at you.” Eddie grabs your hand, pulling you back up to your feet before kicking his pants off the rest of the way. He lays back on the bed, patting his chest. “Sit on my face, princess. Your throne missed you.”
You stand there for a moment, just looking at him. He keeps telling you how perfect you are but he doesn’t even realize how truly perfect he is. The way he was smiling at you like you hung the stars, his ink covered arms that are more toned now than when you were younger, along with his more broad chest that’s now nearly covered in tattoos. Your eyes travel down his torso to his happy trail, the v lines on his hips, and settle on the way that his cock is straining in his boxers. He was lying there, so perfect, calling his face your throne, and he is just so your Eddie.
“You good, sweetheart? Or are you hypnotized by my otherworldly handsomeness?” Eddie wiggles his eyebrows at you, leaning back on his elbows. You know he’s trying to be goofy but it only makes you even more desperate for him. You climb onto the bed to straddle him, your bare pussy resting on top of his cock, only separated by the thin material of his boxers.
“Yeah, I just really fucking need you.” You grind down on him, pulling a groan from him as you lean down to lick across his lips, sucking on the bottom one before pulling away with a pop.
“Fuck, get up here, now.”
He pats his chest and his tone has you clenching around nothing. He grips onto your ass, jiggling it in his hands before landing a smack on one of your cheeks. You moan as you scoot up so that your thighs are resting on either side of his head with your pussy hovering just over his mouth. Eddie wraps his arms around your legs, pulling you down so he can bury his face in between your legs. He licks a long stripe along your wet slit before circling your clit with his tongue.
“Oh - fuckingshit - feels so good.” You moan as he shoves his tongue as deep as he can inside you, flicking it against your inner walls.
“Yeah, that’s my good girl, missed this sweet fucking pussy so much.” He swirls his tongue inside you before he brings it up to your clit again, licking it with the flat of his tongue. He sucks your clit and your pussy lips into his mouth, causing your eyes to roll back.
“That’s so fucking good, yeah, eat my fucking pussy.” You lean back resting your hands on his thighs as you start to grind down on his face. You bring one of your hands to his cock, stroking him through his boxers, chasing him to moan even louder into your pussy. “Fuck, Eddie, I wanna taste you.”
You push yourself up off of his face and he looks up at you with a pout but before he can even protest you’re throwing one of your legs over his head so you can flip around and straddle his face reverse cowgirl.
“Oh jesusfuckingchrist, baby.” Eddie groans, grabbing onto both of your ass cheeks and jiggling the meat of them in his hands. You hook your fingers in the band of his boxers so you can pull his cock free, spitting on your palm and taking it in your hand. “Fuck.”
“Need to taste you too, baby.” You lean down, flicking your tongue out to leave little kitten licks on his tip before sucking it between your lips.
“God damn, princess, fucking missed your mouth so much.” Eddie moans as he uses his grip on your ass to pull your pussy down on his face again, burying his tongue deep inside.
You take him further down your throat, swirling your tongue around his shaft and using your hand to stroke what isn’t in your mouth. Eddie eats your pussy like a man starved, bringing his lips to your clit as he inserts two of his thick fingers inside you.
“Yes, yes, that’s so good, you’re gonna make me cum.” You pull off of him continuing to use your hand to stroke his spit soaked cock. He picks up the speed of his fingers as he sucks on your clit even harder. “Oh god - I’m - I’m fucking cumming!”
Your walls clench around his fingers and your thighs squeeze around his head as your high washes over you, loud moans and the sound of your wet pussy filling the room. Eddie doesn’t stop until you’re pulling off of him because it becomes too much. He grips onto your hips, flipping you over into your back before covering your body with his own. He connects your lips in a heated kiss, his lips and chin still slick with your wetness as you taste yourself in his tongue.
“Need to be inside of you, fuck.”
“Yes, please please fuck me, I need to feel you.” Eddie uses one hand to grip onto the base of his cock, running the tip through your folds before pushing it inside you. “Oh, god.”
“Shit baby, you’re so fucking tight, so fucking wet.” Eddie grunts as he bottoms out inside of you, pushing his hips flush against yours before pulling almost all the way out and slamming into you even harder. He starts to fuck you hard and fast, one of his hands on your hip while the other wraps around your neck just tightly enough.
“Yeah, fucking choke me, missed your hands around my throat, missed you, fuck.” Eddie picks up the pace, his hips smack loudly against yours as the hand on your hips moves down so he can rub circles in your clit.
“Fuck, baby girl, missed you too, missed this fucking pussy. Gonna fill you up, need you to cum for me.” The hand around your throat squeezes just a little tighter as his lips crash against yours. Your hands are gripping onto his shoulders so tight you wouldn’t be surprised if your nails break the skin. His circles on your clit never let up as he tilts his hips so he’s hitting your sweet spot just right.
“Oh - my fucking - fuck, I’m cumming I’m fucking cumming.” Your pussy squeezes him like a vise grip as you run your nails down his back.
“Gonna cum too, baby, gonna fill this pussy up so good. Never quitting you. Gonna marry you someday.” Eddie’s thrusts grow sloppy until he’s pushing his hips flush against yours and emptying inside of you. He buries his face in your neck, rocking his hips slowly as he rides out his high. He lets his body rest on top of yours, placing gentle kisses on your neck. You bring your hands to his head and lace your fingers through his hair so you can lightly scratch his scalp.
“I love you, Eddie.” You sigh, dreamily. “I know we have some stuff to work through, and talk about, but I’d really like to make it work. You really wanna marry me someday?”
“What!” Eddie pushes up on his hands, so he can look at you, a big goofy smile on his face. “Of course I wanna fucking marry you! It’s only been the plan since we were 8 and I gave you that ring I won with arcade tickets.”
“I just… I don’t know, I thought maybe you got sick of me and that’s why…”
“Baby…” Eddie’s voice suddenly sounds a little sad, maybe guilty. “That was never… I would never, fuck. Hold on.”
He gets up off the bed so he can find his vest, he picks it up off the ground and pulls something from the pocket before coming back to sit next to you on the bed.
“Can you sit up for me?” You sit up in front of him, looking at him with a raised eyebrow and a pout on your lips. “I got this… well, I got this a few months before you left and I was just waiting for the right time, ya know? And honestly it never came because I had my head so up my own ass that I wasn’t making the time. But uh - I want you to have it. Even if you don’t say yes, I got it for you, so it’s yours…”
He opens his hand to reveal a little black square box and when he opens it, sitting inside is the most beautiful ring you’ve ever seen. Set in the middle is a big shiny ruby, bracketed by two little bat wings on each side that lead into the band. It was perfect, you’ve been telling him practically your whole lives that if someone proposed to you with a boring ass dimond you would say no, no matter how big it was.
“Eddie…” Your eyes well up with tears as your bottom lip quivers. “Is that really for me?”
“Princess.” He chuckles, reaching a hand out to wipe away a stray tear that escaped. “Of course it’s for you. It’s always been you. And it always will be. Even if you don’t want me back.”
“Eddie, I - yes.” You smile widely at him, wrapping your hand around his wrist so you can turn your head to place a kiss there. “It’s always you, you’re the only one for me. You have a lot of making up to do… and it might take me some time to get fully over all of this but… I still wanna marry you. It’s you and me, till the day we die, stab a goblin in the eye.”
“Yeah baby.” He chuckles, a few tears of his own streaming down his face. You still wanted him. You were going to take his ring. You were sitting here in front of him more beautiful and grown than ever, repeating the words that you had said to each other as kids more times than he could count. “Till the day we die.”
He pulls the ring from the box and you offer him your left hand so he can slide it on your finger. You both smile widely and teary eyed at each other as he pulls you into a kiss. This one is different, this one is full of promise and hope and it’s like coming home. He rests his forehead against yours as he rubs the apples of your cheeks with his thumbs.
“Stab a goblin in the eye.” He chuckles, smiling widely as he places another gentle kiss on your lips.
Taglist: @littlexdeaths @babygorewhore @eddiesxangel @voyeurmunson @rowanswriting @hippiegoth97 @jenniquinn @take-everything-you-can
#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson smut#eddie munson x fem!reader#eddie munson#Eddie Munson angst#eddie munson x reader smut#eddie munson x you#Eddie Munson fluff#Dolly writes#divider by me
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Can you do headcanons with all the characters of an MC that has scars on their body from maybe a car crash years ago and how they would react to seeing them? Can you also do an MC who’s really insecure about them and tries to hide them?
Please and thank you 🙏🙏🙏🙏
hello! sure thing :)
idk why this one got so long? slight angst warning for belphie's (lesson 16 reference) actually might write belphie's as a drabble! if y'all are interested in seeing the others as drabbles too, let me know!
enjoy <3
Mc who's insecure about scars from a car crash
Lucifer
he didn't think much of it, since he too prefers clothing that covers basically everything, even down to gloves however, the attention to detail came down to how you behaved and the way in which you vehemently avoided any situation in which you'd have to change into something you hadn't selected or needed to wear something more revealing
one late night, you ran into each other in the kitchen, and while he expected it to be beel, raiding the fridge again but he found you crying on the floor
of course, he asked what was wrong, and while at first you didn't say anything, he stayed by your side. when the tears had slowed down and you could speak again, you told him it was the anniversary of the devastating car crash and you confessed how much it took from you
that was the first time lucifer had ever hugged you, and for once, you felt at home in the devildom. for the years to come, he makes sure to spend that entire day with you to make you feel loved
Mammon
he's the first to see them and learn of their existence because of how quickly the two of you grow close. you had many movies nights together where you ended up asleep on his shoulder and he caught glances of the scars
he never asked, but he was forever curious. he wanted to wait for you to tell the story rather than intrude on your privacy, even if that meant he never learnt
eventually after you deliberated with yourself, during one of those movie nights, you turned to him and told him everything after mentally debating
you could tell you'd help satiate his curiosity, but of course he was very sweet about it. he starts coming home with things he knows will make you feel gorgeous and expects nothing in return
Levi
the two of you spend a lot of time gaming, reading, and watching anime together. your favorite characters are said to be a reflection of you, and he noticed that pattern after enough time
now, he wasn't quite sure what to do with that information, how he would even start to go about addressing that, or if it was just him and he was looking into it too much. maybe you just had a certain type you enjoyed, although part of him hoped it wasn't that, because that would mean your type wasn't him
nevertheless, he kept this information to himself and dwelled on it until one night, you brought that very topic up yourself. at first you hesitated, but once he told you to think of it as your "lore" you became more comfortable with the situation and told him
he wasn't quite sure what to say, but offered you comfort. you spent the rest of the night watching your favorite anime and from then on, you got to see this more gentle, loving side of him more often. maybe one day, he'd tell you about his "lore" in depth too
Satan
he felt like the entire situation was something right out of a romance novel, where the two main characters slowly grow closer like the two of you were, and the exchanging of backstory that inevitable happens at some point
but, he didn't expect yours to include something so devastating in nature and how it affected your life in the aftermath. he's amazed at the way you have been healing yourself over the followings years. he admires your strength, and he knows that the scars and accident don't define you
you spent most of your evenings together, either at an outing or just at home together. it was one of these evening sessions by the fireplace together in the living room where the two of you were cuddling, and he noticed them on your shoulders. of course he didn't mention it, but you noticed him looking
since there was nobody else around, you decided to tell him since you would've at some point eventually. he doesn't make a big deal out of it because you didn't, but he lets you know if you ever need someone to talk to, he would be there
Asmo
he noticed that your entire wardrobe, including sleepwear and formalwear was all long sleeve and basically covered you head to toe
to try and get closer to you, he took you shopping and still saw you only picked out things that fit into your current wardrobe despite seriously eyeing several other pieces of clothing that were short sleeved. you didn't get them, but he could tell you wanted them, so as a surprise, he bought all of the items for you and presented it as a gift
through your tears, you thanked him and decided to tell him why you didn't get them. he apologizes profusely, but you tell him it was alright and that one day, you'd wear them
once you're finally closer, you wear one of the short sleeved pajama sets to a sleepover with just him, and he can feel his heart swell with the amount of trust you'd put in his hands. expect to be pampered <333
Beel
while he's not the first to see them, he was the first to catch on to their existence. he's very good with reading your emotions and could easily tell when you were uncomfortable. every time, he saved you from the situation but he was afraid of how you might feel when he wasn't around
the two of you had just gotten done with a jog that ended in a park, where the two of you sat in the grass to relax before headed home. while there, your conversation got rather deep and you ended up discussing thing you never thought might slip out
the manner in which you told him was detached and while you mentioned it in passing, beel was insistent you go back to that topic. he held you close, despite the fact that you were both sweaty and gross, because the thing that mattered most to him was how you felt
of course he wouldn't pry, and he didn't, but he will guard your secret with his life now. anytime you need him or just want to talk, or need a hug, he's there unconditionally
Belphie
when you initially met, when he was imprisoned in the attic and you thought he was human like he claimed he was, whenever you'd chat he could tell there was something you were holding back
he asked upfront what the matter was, not realizing he'd strike such a nerve. you took it not how he expected you to and you stormed off, upset. he was concerned he'd jeopardized his plan but there wasn't anything he could do about it now
later that night you returned, you had cooled off and apologized, and told him why you had been so disturbed by his comment. you showed him the few on your upper back and neck, and told your story. he almost felt bad about what he'd done
when he held you aloft by your neck, that same part of him that felt guilty chimed in again and made him remembered the scars you'd shown him and the kinship you thought you shared together, when you thought he was a human. it was a shame not all of him felt sorry for you
#obey me#obey me x reader#obey me satan#obey me asmo#obey me!#obey me levi#obey me mammon#obey me beel#obey me lucifer#obey me belphie#obey me shall we date#obey me! shall we date#obey me! shall we date?#obey me belphegor#obey me beelzebub#obey me asmodeus#obey me leviathan#omswd
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At the end of my latest TLT reread and it’s been physically painful attempting to read the last 40+ pages of Nona. Like, the short shrift that Gideon/Kiriona gets given by the people in the story…the theoretical good guys who honestly only see her as a thing, as a means to an end with an inconvenient dead soul attached to it… It makes me want to rip my own heart out of my chest.
Nobody has cared about Gideon her whole life. Most people, in fact, if they remembered about her at all, went out of their way to tell her how much they wished she didn’t exist. In the final chapters of Gideon, she finally gets the thing she’s been desperate for her whole life: somebody telling her that they need her, they care that she exists, and they badly want her to go on doing it. This allows her to make peace with the prospect that at the ripe old age of 18, she needs to die so that that person can go on living and living and living, using the castrated remnants of her soul as fuel to do so. Not a great way to go, but at least Gideon would get to be useful to somebody, would get to be remembered for something.
And then she wakes up in the wrong body, and finds out that her sacrifice - her attempt to be useful in the most selfless way possible, in that her self will no longer exist - has been rejected. And not only that, but the person she tried to give herself to - the one who was supposed to care about her - went to extreme lengths to make completely sure that she no longer remembered about Gideon.
She literally cut Gideon out of her brain.
And now, drifting along in the worst sort of half life where she’s inhabiting her body but it’s no longer really hers, in very obvious fashion - there’s holes in it, her heart is missing, and it’s got her shitty father’s handprints all over it (not even touching how much of a violation that is), indelibly - she finally meets back up with the small group of people who could theoretically be relied upon to be glad to see her again.
But then the one who was supposed to care about her most tries to kiss her (massively OOC for Harrow), and turns out to not even be there - it’s some weird baby inhabiting her body, and doing a really shit job of it too. The rest of them won’t stop talking about how they need her to break into the Tomb - as if she was just another key, same as the ones they worked together to acquire in Canaan House, just bigger and more inconvenient - and/or how they both fucked and killed her mom, who also (surprise, surprise) wished that Gideon had never existed, but saw her as a thing that needed to be done for the good of the mission.
Ultimately, they all make it abundantly clear - Palamedes, Camilla, Pyrrha, and especially Nona, all these people who are supposed to be kind and good and right - that they would prefer she wasn’t there. That it just be her body, with no Gideon attached - at least not Gideon the way she is now, broken and rejected and miserable. They would all far have preferred that she not have her own inconvenient thoughts and feelings and desires and impulses - that she just be inanimate and let the important people, the grown ups, get things done.
They wish she didn’t exist. Same as everybody else in her life, save one, and now she’s left wondering whether Harrow really meant it at all. Because if she did, she wouldn’t have left Gideon to Kiriona’s fate.
And honestly? Really, truly? I know everybody in the fandom loves Pal and Cam and Nona and Pyrrha, but in the end I couldn’t give less of a shit about them. They are fucking side characters, and as intriguing as Nona has been from a worldbuilding standpoint, I ultimately resent having been forced to read 400+ pages of filler bullshit about fucking side characters. I am a butch, and I’m here for my sarcastic, loving, angry, vulnerable, forgiving, and yes, inconvenient sword butch. I’m here for Gideon. But Gideon has been fridged for the last two books of the series in which she is supposed to be a, if not the, main character.
And it feels like almost nobody else in the fandom feels the same way, which, fine. I’m used to that. I’m also used to being told I’m projecting; and I’m used to being told that I’m inconvenient too, in my thoughts and my opinions and the mere fact of my existence. I spent the first eighteen years of my life being told I was inconvenient. Yet another point of overidentification with Gideon.
But in case anybody still thinks that Nona proves that Gideon was an asshole all along, think about all of the above. Think about how it would make you feel to come back from not just death but from the erasure of your existence, something you chose in order to save the life of someone you loved, and be told that you’re inconvenient. Think about how you’d feel if you’d been told all your life that it would be better for everyone if you didn’t exist. And then tell me that Kiriona isn’t in the right and that I should give a rat’s ass what happens to literally anybody else.
It’s Kiriona Hours up in this House, butches. We’ve spent long enough caring about people who would prefer we weren’t around. For once in our entire lives we were told we were important; we were told we mattered; we were told we were the main character. We were going to, if not get the girl and save the world, at least get to do something real, something important, something like being the hero.
But that’s over now; we’re back to being wrong and bad and inconvenient thanks to the simple fact of our existence. So it’s time to embrace it. Let’s be a little shit. Let’s be kind of a dick. Let’s have our own agenda, let’s play our cards close to our heartless chest, let’s allow our circle of empathy to contract to ourselves and maybe one more person. That’s where I’m at right now. And I don’t see that changing anytime soon.
#the locked tomb#kiriona gaia#harrowhark nonagesimus#griddlehark#gideon nav#gideon the ninth#harrow the ninth#nona the ninth#sorry if this makes 0 sense#but also sorry not sorry bc I don’t care#and neither do you if you’re being honest with yourself#go enjoy thinking about your little masc Lyctor fusion and leave me alone to not rot when I’m supposed to#and why yes I do need therapy#thanks very much for noticing#if you feel like paying for it and the hours I’d miss going to it here’s my cashapp#$fuckoff-2024#also just to get out in front of these#yes I should just go read something else#but 1. you and I both know this series changes your brain chemistry so good fucking luck#and 2. point me at a book where the butch gets to be in the spotlight and I will gladly fuck off forever
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hi! this might be a bit of a vague ask, but how do you think yuuta is as a partner? like how does he treat his partner, his love language, giving & receiving affection, how a relationship with him would develop, etc. what are his guilty pleasures in a relationship? what are his favourite things to do with a partner? that kind of thing lol. i'm just in love with your yuuta so i was very curious! sorry!
hmm ok well there are basically 3 or 4 yuutas/yuuta aus that live in my head, and then like… some…. ground state version of him that is applicable to most boyfriend aus if that makes any sense 😭 idk how to explain this... but he’s got isomers that all can exist to me and then one normal version that’s just like… the core of who he is. i’m gonna stop talking about that now, but that’s all to say that the specifics of his guilty pleasures and favorite things to with his partner would depend on the au? but generally, he’s a very loyal and intimate person, so that carries through in all his thoughts and actions no matter which au it is
the love language his gives his acts of service. you want something, yuuta will get it for you or do it for you or figure out how to make it for you. he’s a yes man in the sense that he does not know how to say no to you. he’ll say yes before you can even finish detailing what it is you’re asking of him, and it stems from a few reasons.
firstly, yuuta is loyal, almost to a fault, so it doesn’t really matter what he does or who he hurts or undermines if he believes his words/actions are going to keep you safe or please you. his moral compass is skewed in the sense that he goes wherever you go, and it is about the final destination for him and not the journey; he wants to meet you where you are, and he won’t let things get in his way of getting to you.
secondly, while yuuta is very jealous, possessive, and protective where it concerns you, he also has a deep desire for you to feel the same way about him, no matter how extreme or mundane that is. he wants to be the person you ask to do favors for you, he wants you to show him that you know that he’s yours to ask, to take advantage of, to, quite literally, make all your requests come true. also he pouts if you ask someone else, and considers murder if somebody else volunteers in his place.
thirdly, there’s a bit of insecurity at play, too; yuuta puts you on a pedestal, and as such, he concretely believes that he isn’t truly worthy of you. you’re otherworldly to him, and he is just someone lucky enough to get to worship you in such proximity; so, he knows that, given the chance, anybody else would want to do the same thing, and he’ll be damned if he lets somebody else get the chance to take care of you. he knows somebody else could, so he doesn’t ever want to take the chance to let them.
this last reason kind of ties in to all the previous ones, but he also gets off on pleasing you. in the literal, sexual sense, he could cum in his pants just from fingering you or eating you out, or honestly just kissing on the right day. but also, there’s a profound sense of pride and happiness in his chest whenever he does something for you. he’s happy to have made you happy or to have lifted a little burden for you, and he’s proud of himself because he’s proven to himself once again that while he might not be the greatest or strongest or smartest person, he’s more than capable of taking care of the person he loves, and that’s more than enough for him :(( also the words “thank you” coming from you is dirty talk to him he doesn’t even know it but his praise kink goes crazy
in terms of receiving affection, maybe quality time? yuuta could force his own proximity to you if he wanted to (and sometimes, he does), but there’s a certain… joy? relief? reassurance? when you choose to spend time with him or be close to him. it’s a reminder that you want to be with him even half as much as he wants to be with you. he also strikes me as the kind of person to have a bunch of little hobbies and/or to always have some kind of errand to run, so you choosing to tag along with him, or just sit in his room with him while he studies or reads or paints or whatever makes him very happy
#anonymous#oh yuuta.... my baby my baby my baby my baby#think also gifts for his receiving love language? he doesn't get very many so he's grateful for the ones he does#especially from his loved ones and especially from you#bc it says you thought about him and you hear him when he talks about what he likes and thats just so :(( to him.#yuuta x reader#yuta x reader#jjk x reader
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a love letter from your mother to you
Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers, grandmothers, aunties, and new mothers around the world. You are loved and appreciated for all that you do from being a strong woman to being a mother to all, and you do it all with beauty & grace. Thank you for all that you do and that you continue to do. We love you! This message is to meant to apply to everyone, no matter who raised you, or you consider as your “mother.”
pile one • 💐
dearest one, my life was complicated and a mess when you came into my life. I went through a lot of changes when I found out about your existence. I had to come to terms with some harsh realities and learn from my many many mistakes in order to be the best parent that I could be for you, and it wasn’t always easy as I made it seem. You made me a better person. You gave me a second chance to do the right thing when everybody doubted me, and for that, I am eternally grateful for your existence in my life. You taught me valuable lessons and things I never knew that I was capable of. You taught me how to be a mature, patient, humble, and selfless human being and mother. Although I endured a lot of challenges when you came into the world, I do not regret a single thing, and given the chance, I would do it all over again. I am so proud of you and everything you have manage to accomplish in your life. Everybody knows how proud I am of you, and if it was possible I would scream to the top of my lungs, so that the entire world knows how proud you have made me as a parent. Baby, I want you to know that I will always be there to support you whenever you need me, you can always count on me when no one else is there, so don’t hesitate to lean on me when you aren’t feeling too strong. My favorite thing about you is your ability to rise above adversity. You are so resilient and you never allow anything or anyone to keep you down for too long. You just dust yourself off, get back up, and try again and again until you reach the stars. Now at times, you can be a bit of a perfectionist and way too hard on yourself, and I want you to know that it is okay to take a step back and give yourself grace because everyone needs a break every once in a while. Remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day. You are still the best in my eyes, no matter what anyone says or does. My precious child, the best trait that you inherited from me was your drive and determination to go after your dreams & aspirations. I’ve always known since the day you were born that you were going to do amazing things and be more successful than I ever was. You are truly the best parts of myself, and you are everything I could possibly ask for. I am so proud to be your mother.
sincerely
- your mama
pile two • 🌷
my sweet precious baby, I was so excited when you came into the world. I have always dreamt about how my family would look one day and I always dreamt of your precious face and how much love I would shower you in. You brought so much joy and happiness into my life at a time when I really needed it. Before you were born, I struggled to find purpose and balance in my life. I was constantly juggling my passions in one hand, and my priorities in the other. When you arrived, I immediately felt that you were not only my purpose, but my reason. I knew right away that I needed to make some changes in my life and do things that would make me happy. Your birth taught me how to give myself grace and how to take joy in the little things and never take anything for granted. You are my muse, my inspiration, and my pride and joy. I love you with all my heart and soul. Do you know what I absolutely love about you? I absolutely love your generosity. You have such a big heart and you are always willing to help out anyone that you see, but sometimes, I do wish that you be more careful and aware that not everyone has good intentions, or want the best for you. I also want you to be more comfortable in saying “no” to others instead of always trying to please others. You cannot pour from a empty cup, my dear. I love that you are so determined and goal driven. You never have to be forced nor told to get up and go after what you want in life, and for that I commend you for that. You are not one to accept losses because you understand that life presents challenges and you won’t always win every single battle, but you learn and accept the lessons that have been given to you with each challenging task, which in my opinion, makes you the strongest person I know. Last but certainly not least, I am grateful that you inherited my intelligence and curiosity for all things in life. You can be a bit of a overthinker and tend to worry over the littlest things, but I want you to know that everything is going to work out just fine, and there is no need to worry about every little thing, just enjoy this ride called “life”. I adore that you don’t follow the crowd and that you march to the beat of your own drum. You weren’t created to fit in, but pave your own path, no matter what anyone says, they are just intimidated by your uniqueness. Don’t ever try to fit into anyone box, and continue to be true to yourself.
your truly,
- your mama
pile three • 💐
my miracle child, you have no idea how much I am grateful for your presence in my life. You are everything that I could’ve ever imagined and I am beyond honored that you chose me to be your mommy. I prayed so many times for your arrival and I promised that I would always shower you in so much love since the day you came into my life. When I found out about you, I cried and jumped for joy because there were so many people that told me that I wouldn’t become a mother, but I never listened nor did I give up the fight. I pleaded and prayed to the Lord that he would bless my womb and heart with your beautiful soul, and he listened and delivered such a beautiful and wonderful human being. You are my best and greatest achievement in my life, and nothing could ever compare with you. I made a vow to God, that I would always love and treasure you for the rest of my life. I love you with every fiber of myself. I love that you are such a passionate and creative person. Your optimism is so inspiring and refreshing. I absolutely adore that you have such a zest for life, please don’t ever lose it even when life presents its challenges. Your smile and laughter brings me so much bliss and happiness. You manage to bring a smile to my face, even when I am going through a rough time, and for that I am eternally thankful. You are truly my best friend and I am so in love with being your mama. I am so happy that I have been blessed to watch your growth and be apart of every single stage. I am so proud of the person you have become today and you are the greatest child and best friend I could have possibly asked for. I am so glad that you inherited my perseverance. Your ability to keep going despite there being obstacles and difficulties in your path. Your resilience is admirable and you handle your challenges with so much grace. I’ve always known since you were meant for greatness and that you would accomplish so much life. My angel, I truly admire your independence, grit, intelligence, reliability, and nurturing spirit.
with all my love,
- your mama
#pac reading#tarotbydelilah444#channeled message#tarotblr#channeled song#channeled messages#pick a card tarot#tarot#motherhood#mother’s day#mother’s love#Spotify
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Thoughts on Ishan :
(and ict in general)
1. When he opted out of India's test squad before our series with S. Africa....I knew... I KNEW it will be a long time before we'll get to see him playing for India again.
And then few weeks later Rahul Dravid said in a press conference... He can come back... Just play domestic.... My heart sank.
Here's the thing, I don't blame him at all for taking a break due to mental fatigue.
I fully support his decision as well. He prioritised himself and that's good.
But my dude... If I was your friend, if I was there with you... I wouldn't have let you go.
I would have grabbed his trousers and refused to let go. This is team India. You take one step back and 10 other people are standing right behind you ready to take your place.
Shubhman gill was hyped up so much... Remember his 126 in 63 balls against New Zealand?
But he faltered.
And Today he's in reserve.
Jaiswal is going to be our new opener in all 3 formats very soon. And there's nothing wrong with that. The guy earned it.
Ishan left the South Africa Series and a month later during the india Vs England test Series Jurel was picked and he did an excellent job.
Now imagine... Imagine if Ishan was there instead... If ishan had scored those 90 runs.....he would have made his place permanent.
I'll repeat myself.... I don't blame him for leaving... But he should have thought this through. Especially when a guy like Rahul Dravid is your coach.
(he's the same guy who gave declaration during a test match when Sachin Tendulkar was about to score a century. He's not as innocent as he looks.)
Another thing which really hurts me is how so many people complain about him being benched and then dropped but Yaar....there are tons of players who have gone through this.
Even Ashwin was benched. He said in an interview that when his team would win he wouldn't even feel like going in the ground to congratulate them coz of how hurt he felt.
It happens.
.
.
.
Anyways My overall opinion on this drama is :
1. I support him for leaving.
2. But I hate that he left.
3. A block of ice would be a better coach than Rahul Dravid.
Anyways... Jo hogaya so hogaya.
What I want now is for him to focus on his future.
And He can start by leaving Mumbai Indians.
MI was the team who would pick young players, groom and invest in them and make them capable enough for team India.
The MI we have seen this year is no longer that team. It doesn't matter how many reels their insta page puts out, the atmosphere of that team is tense, awkward and a hot mess.
If Mumbai really cared about a future captain as they claimed.... They should have made Ishan their new captain...like how csk and gt did with ruturaj and gill.
But oh well.
Right now... The best he can do is keep himself fit, play domestic and leave MI at THE EARLIEST.
That team, it's atmosphere, the mismanagement and inner conflicts (believe me, they exist) will not help him at all.
Imo, he doesn't need a team to grow. He has developed a good skill set. What he needs now is a stage.
A team like Kkr, RR or Gt will be great for that because these teams don't drop Their players after 1 or 2 matches... Have good coaches, stable environment and a good atmosphere overall.
Ishan is an excellent wicket keeper + batsman and the type of cricket he plays is best suited for t20 format (one day and test also but especially t20).
Whether we win or lose this t20 world cup... This one is the last one for our senior players.
After that, our youngsters will take charge (at least they should).
Yashasvi and Abhishek should be our openers.
Gill, rutu and Riyan would perfect be for middle order.
Ishan, with his explosive batting style, would be the perfect finisher.
Also... This dumb culture of batters not learning bowling (encouraged by this stupid impact rule) that has developed in the Indian team needs to STOP.
Look at Australia and New Zealand's t20 squad. Look at how many all rounders they have.
Look at ours. We won the 2007 cup because of all rounders as well.
Also... We cage our players. We hold them back. A player like Travis head is playing with such ferocity because his style and mindset is supported by his captain, his team and his media.
Meanwhile... If an Indian player attempts to do the same and doesn't make a big score in 2 -3 matches... He'll be benched instantly.
Another thing... If we look up the stats of our players in this year's t20 wc squad...
Except virat, Bumrah and maybe kuldeep ...everyone else is on ram bharose.
When players like n. reddy, ishan, rutu, gill, Riyan, natrajan... will be groomed and given enough opportunities....their aggressive style will be supported instead of criticized.... that's when we will win trophies.
@fangirlingintellectual @roseromeroredranger @snowcloudsss
@ishuess @bimesskaira
#desiblr#indian cricket team#cricket#ict#ishan kishan#ipl2024#ishman#shubhman gill#shubman x ishan#shubish#rohitsharma#virat kohli#world cup#t20worldcup
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♡How to keep Satan obsessed♡
Yall been liking my posts from 2021 and it reminded me that i started doing this series-
● Okay the worst thing you can do is try to control him. Tell him what to do and how to do it and that's the last straw before he loses interest. Yes he is very independent and he loves his freedom. Telling him to "text/call when you get there" is also more negative than positive.
● Regarding independence, he also prefers you being your own person, not really depending on him. See you don't have to be a houseowner, you don't have to ask him for permission to spend time together, that's not what I mean, but if you center your life around him he is going to feel overwhelmed.
● He also has a hard time tolerating jealousy. Aren't you grown? Don't you trust him? Why do you have to make a fuss? You are supposed to know him better than this. He would never cheat on you even if his hands are forced to. He doesn't like anyone so if he likes you; you are supposed to feel special & not attack him with things that didn't even happen. Peak stupidity in his eyes.
● Pretending to listen to him but not actually paying attention; instead of that just tell him you don't care, something else is occupying your mind right now and he is being too much. That sounds rude but it is still better than him wasting his breath. He gladly comforts you if you are actually upset; or if you just genuinely don't care it's better that he knows.
● Keep your interactions with people he dislikes to the bare minimum. It might be better for his soul to heal and make peace in the long run - but you are not supposed to force him! You have nothing to do with his beef in any of the cases. Let him be his own man in his own pace. He might never forgive someone and that's also ok! Don't try to change him; but if he needs it be there to support him!
● With him you'll need good communication skills. Being passive aggressive turns him off quickly. Don't even think of the silent treatment. He'll just break up then and there. If you are upset with him/anything and need to be left alone to think for a while, just tell him exactly that! Good communication also includes telling him with your own words that you love and appreciate him! Makes him feel confident! Reassurance is always a good point!
● He definitely enjoys well-thought-of surprises. It could be a handmade gift, doesn't have to be anything extravagant. Just spoil him from time to time, it really does make him feel appreciated!
● idk how to put this but i think he doesn't like horoscopes and crystals as he is trying to be the most rational person to ever exist, so he doesn't like topics like these at all. Personality types are on thin ice also. It's not a total turn-off for him but if you base your entire life around these things he is not going to be interested for long.
● I think it is obvious but he likes his partner to have opinion on lots of things. Hold a proper conversation about intellectual stuff. You don't have to have ambitions or things to achieve in life but if you usually reply "i dunno about that", "never-ever heard of it", that's not gonna end well.
●Yes he is introverted but that doesn't mean he sits at home 24/7 - sometimes he loves going to places, doing and experiencing life, and if he constantly has to nag you to go on a date he is going to get bored fast. It's OK if sometimes you'd rather stay in, don't get me wrong, but literally never going anywhere/only going if he argues about it, is a red flag.
#obey me#obey me satan#obey me swd#obey me!#obey me shall we date#obey me satan x mc#obey me satan x you#obey me satan x reader#satan obey me#obey me hc#obey me hcs#swd obey me#omswd#omswd satan
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fic idea about KDJ’s past being modified by the team in the epilogue and the consequence of that
the group view the story fragment extracted from KDJ and many of them are the traumatic past none of them know about. And they have a debate on whether they should include those in the novel to send to other world-line. Are those memories really necessary?”
“The suicide part is a must because that is how he gets to read the novel but do we also need to include how is repeatedly beaten or how he is ass4ulted or how cold that night his aunt left him outside was? Are all these necessary?”
The group is faced with an opportunity to make the past of KDJ slightly happier. Or. They are faced with an opportunity to modify the past as they like. This plan to bring KDJ is so absurd that they are all closely trying to not cross a certain line into manipulation.
They leave those part out (which is the Orv we are reading now, only containing flashback or greatly modified version of KDJ’s suffering). KDJ woke up in the ward and was showered with love.
But one day One of them slip over some thing and KDJ didn’t remember that. He panicked for a while wondering if this was a sign of his incompletion. But the group reassured him but KDJ still has this iffy feeling to the blurred sense of his past.
He then came across HSY’s notepad with his past written and edited. He was shocked and relieved but also questioned his existence: to what extent am I the Kim Dokja. Without the past, am I still me? This is like the avatar dilemma but right now KDJ is unsure how much of Himself is being modified or changed through the process. How much of a KDJ is he? If he needed to start the comparison, it is already self evident that he ISNOT KDJ.
He didn’t blame the group because he knew this was the best they could do and he was grateful. But he still sometimes felt like he was not himself, or he had frequent nightmares from the fragments of what he saw and worsened by his imagination.
YJK found about the nightmares and confronted KDJ and learnt the truth. He was furious about the whole omitting-the-past plan(he was already in outer space that time so he didn’t know about this) +
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I like episodes 1-3, but it mostly felt like setting the pace and everything in general, introducing the characters, all that stuff.
Episode 4 is the one I REALLY liked upon the rewatch. It was just - a lot. Details, mostly, but I really-really liked it.
Episode 5 has Edwin's adorable "brrrr" about not being used to so much emotional load for a single day and, well, everything else. Like Charles and Crystal's trauma, bonding, pretty actual topic of the ways abuse can happen in relationship - there are so many faces of it in a single epidode it's crazy. And the parallel of all this to Jenny's date with Maxine which mirrors the main topic, showing yet another face of toxicity. Niko's lack of understanding others' boundaries weaves neatly into the story and contrasts the way actual abusers react to consequences of their actions. Although I have to disagree with Edwin - toxic people can very well question whether they are the bad guys and have serious doubts, all the while continuing on their behavior. Covert narcissism is a thing.
Also I noticed Monty reminds me of how young girls in love are portayed stereotypically and somehow this made the character only more adorable. Idk his whole line is just so unhappy there's no way I wouldn't have felt for the guy. His whole existence as a human (as far as it goes) was solely to seduce Edwin. That was his purpose, no any other. He didn't choose it. Then Edwin being Edwin actually charmed him and THEN even the plan went askew because Monty's real feelings of being hurt interfered (and also FAILING his whole supposed purpose, like imagine you knew exactly what you were born for and messing it up because of your emotions). So we already have:
Absence of free will by definition
Failing the sole purpose of his existence
Being rejected right after you kiss the crush (which is its own can of worms btw)
This already sucks, but there's also Esther. The scene in the kitchen was terrifying. Monty is a depiction of domestic abuse - not in the past, not a ghost, but happening present time and bearing its fruit. Even so he broke out and risked everything, despite the pressure and very real threats from Esther and knowing full well what the odds may be. To think he developed actual moral compass just by hanging out with Edwin and co for a few days while the only other human being he knows and have known for a long time before was Esther of all people. I think Charles especially should give him more credit.
I remember episode 6 making the deepest impression on me out of all when I watched for the 1st time, looking forward to the rewatch.
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in light of how egregious anti-trans fascism keeps getting in the UK I (from a US "safe state" (a term which... lol)) want to say that the work you're doing with queer youth has got to be super impactful in ways that go way beyond just the people you directly serve. & it makes me feel more empowered to protect my community knowing that it's a global project as well as a personal one. sending so much love & courage
The work that I and my colleagues do, and the work of all the other queer organisations and movements who are doing all kinds of amazing things around the country and the world has really been what’s kept me going through all the terrible things which keep happening to trans people here and abroad.
It’s not always easy, especially when we have to explain quite how bad the situation is to someone who assumes that they/ their child will have easy access to rights at school or any kind of medical intervention before being 18. But the support and community we can and do offer is lifesaving for so many people, and brings so much joy and hope which is so important and needed right now.
Thank you so much for this message, it’s so nice to hear the impact of our work and get a reminder of how much of a community exists globally.
Love and courage 💜
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I don't know anywhere near enough about Sanguinius to metaphorically crochet him into a little finger puppet for my primarch fics but how about a little baseless speculation about him and Fulgrim? Please note that this is all based on how I view them in the universe of my silly little stories and is in no way a claim about knowing how they are in canon / lore.
I would probably a) portray Sanguinius as a genuinely sweet adorable cinnamon roll too precious for this world and b) have Fulgrim utterly loathe him because of this.
I tend to write Fulgrim as being a pleasant and charming person who, deep down, is about 50% a deeply broken overthinking ultra-perfectionist and 50% really jealous and vindictive. Please understand that this isn't me saying he's just evil and always was because it really really isn't. It's entirely possible for someone with these traits to function perfectly well in society and not be a bad person in any meaningful sense.
However.
One of his formative experiences as a primarch was almost losing his entire legion due to the Blight corrupted geneseed that almost wiped them out right at the start.
He had to build them up himself from nothing with the constant threat of annihilation both in the sense that "if I fuck up a war and lose however-many thousand Astartes in a terrible accident on the double-ended dildo planet I have no reserves or replacements" and also "every use of our geneseed is a gamble against the horrific mutation coming back and destroying us all over again". In that context the solution he turns to, and the only one that probably makes sense based on his prior experience on Chemos, is perfection.
Make no mistakes, ever, anywhere, because the cost of failure is incalculable, even if it means committing science-treason so you can purge all weakness from your own space dudes. It's not a desire for perfection based on arrogance, although he is of course immensely arrogant in a lot of ways, but one motivated deep down by fear.
People like to clown on Fulgrim based on Jaghatai's infamous "I hear you do strange things to your warriors 😂👌" sick burn, but to be honest, viewed from his context, what Fulgrim's doing is somewhat understandable.
That is if we assume that the Khan isn't just making a cheap insult but rather is implying he knows a lot more than would be preferable about Fabius dicking around with Astartes genetics in order to detect and eliminate carriers of the corrupted gene-seed so that the III Legion, one of the smallest of all numerically, can still survive. And then a lot of other things too because, like Fabius could believably say in one of the weirder McNeill stories, forbidden science is akin to the ancient Terran delicacy known as Pringles. Once you pop you can't stop.
With that in mind it feels like a lot of Fulgrim's post-heresy actions, not just the snake orgies but the general distance and lack of care for his sons, comes from revelling in just finally being free of that level of stress and pressure weighing down on him at all times. Even Perturabo doesn't withdraw from the Iron Warriors that much and he's a dick.
Anyway, back to pre-heresy days. He has all this going on and then in comes Sanguinius with his giant fucking angel wings who everyone loves and who turned his legion into One Direction (not really but you know... perceptions vs reality and no one in this setting actually communicates with one another since they'd probably have a lot in common regarding fears of being mutants etc)
It's the kind of thing that I think would feel like a dagger in the heart to someone like Fulgrim. Directly highlighting and literally embodying all of his fears about mutation and imperfection and yet somehow appearing to get away with it while he has to exercise constant control and do horrible things simply in order for his legion to exist.
So for that reason I think he would absolutely hate Sangy and do everything he could to undermine him.
"Oh no, brother! I've accidentally spilled this entire Big Gulp cup of bright red Tizcan wine all over your beautiful white wings, and only moments before you were due to make a speech to ten million people about how wonderful the Imperium is! Let me help you clean it up."
And then he pulls out a Looney Tunes sized bottle labelled Fabius's Finest Molt-O-Matic Guaranteed Feather Remover and starts spraying it on him.
#he had the Big Gulp cup brought all the way from an ancient Terran dig site just so he could spill as much liquid as possible at one time#fulgrimposting#fulgrim#neves rambles#wh40k#warhammer 40k#warhammer 40000#horus heresy
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Just thought up a Mage And Demon Queen DokJoong AU idea oh no ← has to reread MADQ now :) take some of the AU I've thought up in the spur of trying to sleep at an actually goos schedule (YooHanKim/Doksoo near the end)
Yoo Joonghyuk is an all-rounder hero, currently practicing in the Mage role
Kim Dokja is the Demon King Of Salvation, ruler of the monsters
YJH has been in love with The Demon King Of Salvation since he was 15-17
He doesn't remember much from his youth, most of it is blurry or non existent
But his first meeting with KDJ is very vivid to this day
Extremely powerful, with a fiery glint in his eye that could be mistaken for stars, yet lonely as well. At least until the Demon King looked at him
In which, KDJ just looked at him with some sort of... Sympathy? KDJ's troops asked if there was anything there
Clutching onto his sister with distress, YJH screwed his eyes shut. But, instead of exposing the siblings, KDJ let them go...?
Then, YJH was awfully offended. Was that arrogant bastard pitying him? He internally thanked him, but he still felt resentment
But eventually that resentment drifted away as he became stronger, becoming a famous All-Rounder that could fill any position
All he really wanted to do was meet the Demon King again, as he tried to brush away the crush he had as "admiration"
When he met him again, the only hero to get to him... He was in the form of a 17 year old...?
"Why are you... A child?" He asked, genuinely bemused. The Demon King's reply was, "Why? I thought you would think that those who claimed to have seen my appearance were lying. You know dead ones tell no tales."
Externally, Yoo Joonghyuk was glaring at him. Internally, he was thinking about how terrifying that line would be if he wasn't himself ← actually felt chills when KDJ said that line
"...hhh, fine you caught me. I'm not 17 or whatever." Standing up from his throne, he shifted into a form closely aged to YJH, perhaps a little older. With raven colored wings that reflect the stars, and horns that looked to be soaked with blood.
"Now, Yoo Joonghyuk, the all-rounder hero of the kingdom named 'Starstream'," he strided towards him, YJH couldn't help but gulp as he saw the Demon King lick his teeth. "Give me a taste of the hatred I've gained from your race. With. your. sword. ...Or wand."
YJH felt bloodlust coming from KDJ, and shivered involuntarily. "Why aren't you moving, Joonghyuk-ah?" The floor was gaining more and more cracks as the Demon King sped up.
YJH hoped he had masked his flinch when the other had called him so informally, "...I-"
"you know, It's your duty...To. Slay. Me." Punctuating each line, he was inches away from cutting off Yoo Joonghyuk's head... Until...
"I love you..." YJH blurted out, trying to act cool even while his mind was SCREAMING at him, Why'd he have to go and say that?!
When YJH didn't feel his head cut off, he cracked an eye open to see the Demon King's face. He looked very scrambled, his eyebrows furrowed sadly, and his eyes blown wide with his mouth open wide
He then realized that... KDJ had this look during the whole time he was about to slash him, just with a smile masking it.
"...eh?" Was the only noise that came out of the Demon King as he tried to search YJH's eyes, looking for any fallacy. "...are you joking with me right now?"
"...You're serious." He straightened up, moving his sword down at his side. YJH only nodded.
The Demon King just stared him down. Until he called his guard, "Heewon!!" And had her send YJH back to the temple. (By killing him)
YJH kept coming back though and KDJ was always super flustered when he showed up. But never tried to kill him? He always made Jung Heewon kill him or someone else
Didn't mean to make this a mini fic but oh well
some YooHanKim ideas that I cannot escape from ↓
Yoo Joonghyuk is the reincarnation of Han Sooyoung, and Kim Dokja sees a LOT of similarities between them
Han Sooyoung was Kim Dokja's first love, though he realized too late
She was human, and he, a half monster. They were forbidden but, Han Sooyoung never cared.
She wrote him stories about heros and he loved it. It distracted him from how the human village would abuse him.
...eventually, HSY became a pwerful mage and... She murdered the entire village. Making him the Demon King through her love for him and making him immortal.
Their final moments were like this:
HSY was chuckling through coughs of blood as she was held by the newly formed Demon King, KDJ, in the rain
"You... Why did you do this?!" Kim Dokja half shouted through a sob. "I... I didn't... I didn't need this, Sooyoung!"
"No... You did, Dokja. Your useless ass would have put up with this treatment until the day you died. Now, you have the power to fight back like you've always wanted." HSY stared at him with clouded eyes.
"Not like this!" KDJ's head lowered covering his eyes with his hair. "How am I... How am I supposed to live without you...? Forever...?"
Hsy lifted her arm gently to brush away Kim Dokja's hair and cradle his cheek, he leaned into the blood soaked hand, with tears falling.
"...I'll reincarnate," Kim Dokja just stared at her, trying to comprehend her nonsense in her final moments, "I'll reincarnate as a hero and find you."
Kim Dokja furrowed his brows, "...You'd have to kill me."
She just shook her head, "I'll change the story, and redeem you in the eyes of the people."
Han Sooyoung laughed, "Just like those stories I wrote when I was younger, when we were younger. You always loved those stories didn't you?"
He slowly nodded. "...I did."
She hummed, and lifted her other hand to his cheek, bringing him closer.
"...I love you." She whispered into his lips as she kissed him. Letting him taste the fruit of her love, the blood of those who abused him.
She went limp in his arms, just as the thunder from the rain made a loud crack. "...Sooyoung...!!!"
Ever since then, Kim Dokja was always wary of love. Especially human love. Specifically, love for him.
Those who did, did insane things.
God I love pain. And HSY reincarnates as YJH. WHERES THE FANFIC??? Wait is it even YooHanKim if YJH is the reincarnate of HSY? Is half of YooHanKim just selfcest in this case? Selfcest is fun so why not
Extra thoughts on KDJ ↓
KDJ was going into a HUGE bout of depression once and to distract himself he decided to read about the recent heros (for nostalgia) and he stumbled upon Yoo Joonghyuk's story. It intrigued him
He kept reading and listening to the stories and rumors about YJH until be basically knew what his deal was
When KDJ saw YJH when he was 15-17, it reminded him of HSY and himself so he let them go.
Funny how this turned out NOT to be a Mage And Demon Queen AU... Seems like it was just inspiration but it's fine. Now how to tag this monster of a post
#omniscient reader's viewpoint#orv#kim dokja#dokhyuk#han sooyoung#yoo joonghyuk#dokjoong#yoohankim#doksoo#orv au#YooHan selfcest mentioned???
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youtube
Fandoms: Alias, Revenge
Relationships: Lauren/Vaughn, Emily/Daniel
Song: Post Blue by Placebo
Summary: “Until death parts us.”
Content warnings: Character death, violence, flashing lights
#aliasedit#alias#revengeedit#reven8e#lauren reed#emily thorne#fanvid#userthing#revenge#daniel x emily#lauren x vaughn#alias x revenge#myedit#out of everything here.#it's the 0:45 hug parallel that gets me the most#it really has no right to exist or make me feel so much
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havin the weirdest crisis of my life
#this is like. did related so im gonna sound completely uh#what’s the word. odd and shit for a sec okay? okay#so I’ve been here. hi im cheri silver yknow me for about 20 years total but jay used to front for years when we were in middle school#im not the. original host I guess but I’ve been around since#we were in the early single digits and never left#so im the host right? I existed to go thru the Trauma#but. it’s been my life for so long. my parents don’t know Her#they’ve only known me#but like. we’re finally starting to let go of that trauma#errr not let go but make peace with it. and we’ve been holding onto it for so long. I’ve been holding on to it for so long#but.. who am I without it? like yes that’s my trauma but also. is my purpose over?? is that why we haven’t been able to draw?#I’ve been the host for 20 years this is my life#my friends my gf my life my hobbies it’s mine not anyone else’s#I let others take the wheel when I can’t (or they forcibly do it for me) and jays been gone for like 3 years he only came back because I’ve#been being traumatized everyday recently. but like. will I have to go too??#reintergration is not really our goal. never has been but like#if we do. will I be here or will She come back? we’ve had false alarms before but it’s mostly been decided that it’s my front my life#maybe im just triggered all the time and that’s why I feel extra out of it#less myself#New Traumas are happening to us everyday#but yeah. I dont talk abt this aspect of my life much but it’s so scary to think about#I’ll talk to Chevy when they get off of work tomorrow abt it if it’s still like. freaking me out#I am me. we are a bunch of niggas but I am me.#did niggas when the identity disorder makes them dissociate smh#😫
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.
#started going to therapy again in the hopes of coping better with my fam situation#but my therapist is pretty adamant that the situation is too toxic for me to be able to heal in#and i know he's right but also i'm not in a place rn where i can leave said situation or have the emotional capacity to try#and having a third party affirm that the position you're in is actually more fucked up than u thought is both validating and exhausting#bc like before i was just like ''my mom is entitled to still be close to the ppl who sexually abused me''#and was able to just blame all my rage and frustration and hurt on myself#but now that it is starting to resonate that Wait That's Actually Fucked Up#just existing around my mom has become so much more exhausting#& i've spoken to my therapist abt this but i'm venting here bc i'm really feeling it today#it's sounds dumb but having someone explain to u that ur rightfully at ur limit at all times makes it so real somehow#ofc i'm at my limit at all times in this environment most people would be too!!!#i'm just so tired 😭😭#tired and overwhelmed and tired and overwhelmed#and#ugh
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Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl
17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019
#my art#artists on tumblr#I cannot accept that it has been 5 years already#I know covid messed with everyone’s sense of time but it simultaneously feels so much longer and so much shorter than that#exactly five years ago I was holding onto my mom for dear life and sobbing as we watched lilo and stitch together#not the best movie to watch when you’ve just lost your first ever pet you know#and then I cried myself to sleep at the next morning we never mentioned her again#I know it’s because it was way too painful for everyone involved. but I do wish I was allowed to process that grief properly#instead of bottling it up and pretending everything was okay until I was reminded of her#feeling like my heart was being shattered over and over again every single time#well anyway. enough of that. I’ve allowed myself a nice long cry today and got most of it out of my system#and once I was feeling okay I decided to draw her#and I can count the number of times I’ve drawn animals on one hand so.. I’m not too sure about the result#but it felt like to commemorate her in some way.#so yeah. here she is. my dear girl. the best dog in existence. she was always so affectionate and kind#which I didn’t always appreciate bc of how young I was. when you’re a kid it feels like pets will live forever#never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor#but I’m grateful she did that. it taught me not to leave my toys lying around and to clean up after myself#she really was taken from me way too soon. ideally she could still be alive right now. but I’ve been down the road of guilt and regret#there was nothing I could do. I was a child. I can only hope that she knew she was loved right until the very end#even if I didn’t know how to show it properly. and great. now I’m tearing up again#I suppose it’s unavoidable. April 12th will always be a melancholy day. and maybe that’s not such a bad thing#it’s good to have a day when I can freely remember her and cry if I need to. it’s healthy. it’s better than crying every day#she never liked it much when I cried. always tried to comfort me. that’s the kind of dog she was. I miss her so much#when I move apartments and get a dog of my own I’m getting a spaniel. just like she was#well. maybe a different colour so I don’t end up sobbing every time I look at it. but spaniels really are the perfect breed#I mean. cavaliers especially were bred for love and warmth. that’s just what I need. it will be nice to have someone waiting for me at home#and while I don’t necessarily believe in the afterlife… I do hope that Fanny’s watching over me#spiritually comforting me when I feel all alone in the world. it’s a nice thought for sure#and hopefully she won’t mind me getting another spaniel too much. it will be done in her honour after all. to make up for my past mistakes
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