.

I feel the need to hear your opinion on this since this is something I've been thinking about recently, and it's how crwby handles complex relationships/abuse in their show... It's infuriating.

I can't tell if they genuinely think they are writing this in a good way or if they know they're half asss-ing it and don't care since the fandom will eat it up anyways. Two big examples that come to mind for me in the last volume are emerald & cinder and whitley & jacques. In both instances the the victim never gets a moment of closure or a moment of breaking away from their abuser, nor are either victims allowed to show any sort of 'hesitance' (for a lack of a better term) related to their abuse.

Emerald (despite being all over cinder before Midnight), just conveniently forgets about her for the finale. Same for whitley. He just completely forgets about jacques (the man who manipulated him from birth) the moment weiss hugs him. On a shallow level, watching a victim pay no mind to their abuser is satisfying, but it being so immediate is just unrealistic and takes away from the pain that we are supposed to think these characters have suffered.

One of the worst things about suffering from abuse is how is affects the victims even when they have left the abusive relationship, but crwby seems to want to erase that completely from characters who should experience that for plot convenience.

It seems like the lesson learned from this is "if you were abused, just get over it and be convenient to our heroes or else!" And it's pretty gross imo.

Thoughts?

I thought that I would put these two asks together and take this opportunity to talk about the abuse victims in RWBY and how they're handled. I've tried to think long and hard about what to say about this, because this is an important topic to me and something that's personal for me. I'm an abuse survivor, but I have a complicated relationship with that part of myself and I'm never really comfortable talking about it much. But despite the fact that I've experienced abuse, I recognize that I'm not a professional sensitivity editor, not a therapist, and not someone who's studied the effects of abuse.

I'm simply writing this based on my own feelings and what I've picked up witnessing other abuse victims discuss their own feelings about abused character. There will be RWBY criticism below the keep reading. Please keep in mind that I'm not speaking for all abuse survivors and am only trying to articulate my own feelings in regards to this issue.

The first thing to note is that there isn't one, correct, right way to write an abuse victim in my opinion. Lots of people have different reactions and responses to abuse, the way they were abused is often also different, causing different reactions.

In the first anon, it's noted that Emerald and Whitley both seem to move on from their abuse quickly and with very little effect on them or their stories. Many abuse victims put their experiences on the back burner or 'in a box' to deal with later, or mask and pretend that they're alright or that their abuse just didn't happen. Some of them let their feelings or their anger simmer over time. There are also abuse victims who do just... Move on with relative ease. I'd imagine that's very rare though. (again, I'm not not an expert or any sort of psychologist.)

In the same way, an abuse victim becoming an abuser in their own interactions is something that one hundred percent happens. Cinder, Salem, Adam, and even Blake and Winter have all acted in abusive ways towards the people around them (though obviously Blake and Winter acted much less abusive than any of the villains mentioned.) It might be very hard for abuse victims to not fall back into those patterns of abuse that they've suffered, especially if they go through it at an early age. I'm not very comfortable talking about my own experiences, but myself and my siblings have all had to fight down toxic, hurtful traits that we picked up either through emulating or through survival. And it's hard to do that. Portraying characters who have been abused that lost that fight and might have abusive tendencies or slip themselves is - to me at least - sometimes even helpful in working through my own feelings.

And there are definitely one hundred percent abuse victims who feel like the way they were treated is deserved, that they 'earned' it, that they must 'make up for it.' Oz is in this category. There's nothing wrong with the concept of a character who feels responsible for their abuser or the hurt their abuser has caused to others, there’s nothing wrong with a character who tends to act as though everything is their fault and who thinks very poorly of themselves.

In theory. But the problem is that in application, there are a lot of pitfalls and struggles that come with writing for abuse victims. Understanding, thoughtfulness, and care are not the RWBY writers’ strength, and any time you portray real life issues that strongly impact the real life people involved in them, you have to be aware and careful with the messages you’re sending. This is obviously very important when someone writes for any minority or oppressed group or the issues that they face, but it’s also important to remember when you write for abuse victims, because they do have stigmas around them and deal with stereotypes and harmful portrayals as well. Let’s look at what I consider some harmful or hurtful pitfalls when it comes to abused characters.

Are the abused characters treated as the victims they are? If the abuse a character faces is treated as comical, treated as unimportant, or treated as deserved, that’s an obvious major flaw. Sad to say, but RWBY does not pass this. On two separate occasions, a character is hit by someone close to them in a way that clearly causes them some pain, with Blake hitting Sun across the face for following her, and Winter hitting Weiss for answering a question incorrectly and again for failing in her training (I tend to be more sympathetic towards Blake’s situation, as it is more gray with her clearly thinking Sun had stalked her which is a clear trigger from her own abuse, but this is an explanation, not an excuse and the fact that it was framed as funny rather than something Blake shouldn’t have done and should apologize for is the problem.) They also do not treat Ozpin like the victim when Qrow punches him in the face, having no one call Qrow out for it and having him never express guilt or try to apologize for it. Yes, I know Ozpin had retreated, but they never showed Qrow even make an effort to get Ozpin to come back so he could apologize. . They also ‘redeem’ Hazel and give him a ‘partially right’ storyline despite his openly beating Ozpin, unfairly blaming him for the death of his sister, and insisting that Ozpin deserved to be tortured. On top of this, despite having been horribly abused by the SDC, Adam isn’t treated with even an ounce of sympathy or understanding and Jacques Schnee and the SDC is treated like a more comical-ish nuisance in season seven and eight. This is greatly flawed. Hitting someone because they lied to you or kept secrets from you is not okay, hitting someone because they said something you don’t like is not okay. This should not be treated as funny and it shouldn’t be treated as the fault of the person who was hit for not being a good enough friend.

Are the abused characters mostly villains, when the heroes have never faced it? The reason for this is obvious, although it’s valid to have a villain be an abuse victim, it’s never alright to villainize abuse victims. Making the majority of your bad guys abuse victims and your good guys have positive relationships is in my opinion, harmful. Point for RWBY, this is not the case for their show. Mercury, Salem, and Cinder on the bad side are all abuse victims with Raven being a possible, but unconfirmed abuse victim as well. While Weiss, Blake, Ozpin, and Whitley are also abuse victims, with Qrow and May both being possible, but unconfirmed abuse victims, and Winter and Emerald are both abuse victims who were on the side of a villain and then turned good.

Is the abuse more severe in the ‘bad’ characters and lighter in the ‘good’ characters? If the abuse that the good guys faced is mostly lighter things and the abuse that the villains suffered is worse and more severe, that might send some bad messages that people who suffer more are automatically worse people, or ‘unsalvageable’ or ‘too broken,’ as opposed to the people that ‘there’s still hope for.’ Unfortunately, I think RWBY is almost a tie? We’ve never seen Weiss or Emerald suffer more than a hit, we don’t know for sure that Whitley or Winter were ever victims of physical abuse. Ozpin and Blake’s abuse is worse, however, as they are hunted down by their abusers who attempt to murder them, make them suffer, and hurt their loved ones. They also were heavily emotionally manipulated and victim blamed by their abusers. And on the villain side, Mercury was beat by his father who hated him and stole his semblance (an extension of your soul, I believe, in canon,) and the abuse led to the loss of his limbs. Cinder was forced to work hard labor by her abusive employer and the ‘stepsisters’ treated her badly, and she was physically electrocuted. We see her abuse extend to Salem using her Grimm arm to hurt her, copying the effects of the necklace. Adam was also a child laborer who worked in terrible conditions who got his face branded by his employer, in the SDC, which had to have been anti-faunus charged due to his bull horns. We don’t see Salem ever physically abused, but know that she was mistreated, isolated, and neglected by her ‘cruel’ father. So it’s not quite a tie, there are more severely abused characters amongst the villains than the heroes, but this is close enough that I don’t consider this much of a strike against them.

In the villains, is the abuse they faced given as ‘reason’ for their villainy? As I said before, villainizing abuse victims isn’t the way to go. A good way to avoid this - I think - is not have abuse be the sole reason for someone’s fall into a life of crime or cruelty. This is something that RWBY... Fails at imo. When showing us Mercury’s backstory, we’re introduced to him through seeing that he had just killed his abuser who cost him his legs, and then gets recruited by Cinder who at the very least likely emotionally and physically abused him the same way she did with Emerald, leading to the conclusion that the only reason he’s there at all is due to abuse. However, he’s just a teen and it’s possible that (like Emerald) he’ll be redeemed. A much more condemning story to talk about is Cinder’s. After people had been clambering for a Cinder backstory since volume three, RWBY finally showed us one. But it doesn’t include Cinder meeting Salem, why she joined her, her proving herself, none of that. Instead, Cinder’s backstory was entirely focused on her abusive situation as a child, entirely focused on her suffering. Cinder killing her abusers and then killing the teacher who decided to arrest her for getting herself out of her abusive situation was portrayed as the only needed backstory, the explanation to why she’s a power hungry, abusive, cruel, selfish, and just plain evil person. ‘She was abused’ is the explanation for why Cinder is where she is and why she is who she is in RWBY. That’s highly problematic to me.

In the heroes, are they “the Perfect, Sanitized Abuse Victims?” As I said before, there is no one type of abuse victim, but if someone has several abuse victims and they’re all either submissive, sad, and self-doubting, but gentle and caring and soft or dropped their abuser like a hotcake and never looked back, never seem affected, never really talk about it after they left... That’s bothersome to me personally. Measuring how RWBY is in this particular subject is... A little harder than I thought it would be. Let’s start by looking at the most prevalent abuse victim, Blake. She’s one of the reasons why this is hard to gauge, because for the first five seasons, Blake was deeply flawed and clearly affected by her abuse in ways that made her ‘unappealing.’ Blake was cynical, stubborn, cold, hard to get to know, she didn’t trust easily, she lashed out at her friends regularly, ran from her problems, made choices for her friends, and had a very negative self image. This didn’t stop her from being a good character and friend with a lot of good sides, too, and she had real, important friendships. This was - to me - a really great portrayal of someone clearly affected by their trauma, with lots to work on, who was still a good person. Some of her faults and problems started to get resolved in a natural way through her journey with Sun in volumes four and five, but when season six came around, many of Blake’s other traits suddenly vanished. No longer stubborn, independent, or cynical, and no longer standing up for herself, or really displaying her temper or hardheadedness or her struggles with getting to know people... Blake became more submissive, sad, self-doubting, but gentle, caring, and soft. Sigh. As the first ask mentioned, Whitley and Emerald both seemed to drop their abusers quickly the second they were removed from their lives again. it’s also worth noting that Whitley was treated with nothing but coldness and contempt by Weiss until he ‘proved himself’ by doing something selfless. Weiss did more or less drop Jacques the moment she left her house in V4, only mentioning him or her experiences when she’s using it to talk about Blake, and when she confronted him again in V7, she did so as someone who is proving she no longer cares. Ozpin seems to be the only one still unable to move on from his abuse and the ‘unappealing’ abuse victim. The first anon is right, there’s something satisfying with seeing an abuse victim move on like their abuser didn’t matter. But when almost all your abuse victims do, and one of the only other ones is turned into a submissive and soft support based / romance based character, and the only really ‘unappealing’ abuse victim is someone we’re supposed to see as ‘gray’... There’s something off there, in my opinion.

Were the abuse victims treated respectfully and thoughtfully by their friends, and if not, were they portrayed as wrong? This probably isn’t something that really even needs an explanation. Abuse victims should be able to set their own boundaries and tell their stories only when they want, when they feel comfortable, Their friends should be understanding of this and not force anything from them. In the case of Blake and Weiss, this is handled really well! Their friends let them talk about their experiences in their own time, and they’re understanding and validate their feelings when it comes up (much more common with Blake than with Weiss, who like I said, seemed to move on from her dad quickly after she left.) However, when it comes to Oz... This is all wrecked. Although unintentional (no one knew how deeply tied up with Salem Ozpin was or how intimate the memories they were going to watch were,) our main characters still forced Ozpin’s deepest and most personal secrets out of him in a fit of upset while he was tearfully begging them not to. He was forced to relive his most traumatic experiences in hi-def with other people watching with him, all his secrets and all his abuse wrenched away from him in what was clearly a very painful way. And then no one showed Ozpin even the slightest bit of sympathy or understanding for what he’d gone through, and no one ever apologized for what they had forced him to relive. In fact, Team RWBY were clearly displayed as in the right, and Oz was displayed as completely wrong for not trusting them implicitly. He had to apologize to them, which they acted begrudgingly accepting of as if they hadn’t shouted at an abuse victim after forcing him to relive all his worst experiences.

Are some abuse victims portrayed as bad for things that other abuse victims aren’t portrayed as bad for? Like the second ask says, in RWBY, Cinder and Mercury are treated as villains for having killed their abusers and Cinder is almost arrested for it, it’s considered a step in the direction of their villainy. But Blake is (rightfully) treated as the victim who was forced, who had no choice, who just wanted the abuse to stop. This is hypocritical and fundamentally flawed. I think this is a reflection of the fact that Cinder and Mercury are meant to be ‘bad’ abuse victim, who had violent tendencies and anger issues, and were already featured as bad guys before their backstory’s dropped, whereas Blake was meant to be a better abuse victim who (by season six) was starting to get written as a soft girl who just wanted to help her friends.

All in all, although there’s some things that I think that RWBY did well enough, I definitely think that I would consider their portrayal of abuse victims to be lacking. This is just my opinion and the way I feel about the writing, but there are a lot of ways to look at it. I think overall, I just really wish that the RWBY writers had been a little more sensitive and spent a little longer focusing on the character arcs involved in abuse recovery. (There’s still a chance for Whitley, Weiss, and Emerald to get more focus in volume ten, though, so long as the writers don’t timeskip!)

CW // starvation, torture, mental torture, self harm mentions | you’ve been pretty rightly adamant about c!dream deserving punishment in prison. you have also felt he deserved to be placed in an inhumane environment as a ‘taste of his own medicine’ (implied, not you words) sort of ordeal. the problem with that, at least for me, is that revenge and karmic justice leaves no room for growth and no room for dream to understand every shitty thing he’s done. the reason he’s so spiteful and filled with hatred now is because he legitimately doesn’t believe he’s in the wrong, and that tommy placed him in prison as a way to flaw his goals. once he escapes, he will be thirsting for blood and revenge, and he will stop at no means to get it. he’s placed in an extremely distressing environment of self isolation, mental fortitude and torture, and purposeful withholdings of food (very insufficient food, mind you) with nothing and nobody willing to teach him how he deserved to be punished. he’s wrathful, loathing of everyone, and hurt. he feels no guilt because of his warped sense of morality perceptions. tommy was placed in the middle of that, and all that did was give him more trauma. now, he has to live with having stayed in the prison for over a month with his abuser, endured death and tore himself apart, and the sudden shock at re-emerging in a world that heavily grieved you. all of that could have been avoided if the prison didn’t value inescapability over comfort. ALL of that could have been avoided if c!sam gave tommy and his prisoner some basic human rights- heeded the contract, let tommy go or keep him in another cell. if he pushed for dream to reform, with a comfortable cell and comfortable food- NONE of what happened to tommy would have happened as it did. and that’s so fucking frustrating, speaking as a tommy and dream enjoyer- sam threw them into hell together, exposed the worst of two deeply unwell people with one another, and expected everything to be fine while an abuser and traumatized child spent prolonged durations in a horrific torture chamber. my question to you is, do you still agree that dream deserved a taste of his own medicine? i’d love to hear what you think

I think a lot of people misunderstand my stance on this so im going to specify here. I don't WANT Dream to be treated poorly. It isn't the ideal situation that he struggle in prison and I do want prison reformation on the Smp. My stance has never been starkly against offering that, nor has it been against giving Dream room to grow. My stance has been against people who are overly harsh with Sam or Tommy or Sapnap or anyone else in universe who isn't pushing for prison reform. Dream has taught the people of the server to view him some sort of god. To fear him, revere him, cower before his threats and bend to his will. The people were- and likely are still- absolutely terrified of him and personally traumatized by him. For a lot of them certain acts of reformation such as expanding his cell or loosening on visiting rules would mean less security, even momentarily while construction is done. Any less security than this is inconceivable for a lot of people in universe because of the damage Dream has done and has planned to do. He's destroyed homes, slaughtered innocents, he planned to imprison and kill and blackmail more people before he was locked away in a prison that could hold even a god. It's deemed necessary because to most people on the server Dream may as well be a god. Even putting aside the fear of cutting him even the smallest bit of slack lest he's eacaped, most people on the server just don't think about his well-being very often. Why would they? They're still trying to put back the pieces after all he's done, why would anybody be thinking about his feelings here or the condition he's in. Personally I think reform is a good idea and would like to see that happen, but im not ever going to be genuinely upset with the other characters on the Smp for not jumping into prison reformation for him at this point in time. It isn't necessarily that he deserves karmic justice- redemption and healing has always been the best case scenario for me, in every case, even with Dream id like to see him getting better- it's an acknowledgement that he made his bed here and of course the people are too scared or avoidant of him to go out of their way to fix the prison he designed which in my opinion doesn't reflect too poorly onto them. Even if they did give him better conditions I doubt he'd improve much simply because nobody wants to sit him down and work through his issues. Nobody is willing to teach him because nobody is indifferent to the suffering he's caused. Dream needs therapy in my opinion. I'd love to see him get it. Who's going to give that to him? Puffy maybe, but she's currently so emotionally distraught by what he's done that she doesn't feel like she can handle even looking at him. Quackity? Dream destroyed his home, tried to kill his friends, actually DID kill one of the people closest to him, he can't be expected to be in the right mind to do that kind of thing. Sapnap or George? After the years of manipulation and toxic friendship they've got behind them, I don't think so. Skeppy? Bad? After the 1x1 trophy case situation?? Jack? Niki? Tommy? Tubbo? Ranboo? Dream deserves therapy or at least to have what he's done explained to him in a calm way but nobody here deserves to have to do that if they don't absolutely positively want to and no matter what I objectively think Dream deserves I have to feel inclined to prioritize his victims here.

Tommy's ordeal was horrible. And it's one of the reasons I really think something should change. Which im sure it will given how horrified everybody is at what happened. However if this reformation involves looking into the safety of visitors- or even cutting off visitors entirely- I won't exactly be angry with any of the characters in universe because of course Dream's feelings aren't going to be anybody else's priority here. Dream is everybody's opressor or abuser or both. Everybody on the server. It's something that's deeply united a lot of people. Making anybody speak to their opressor/abuser or hell even care about their wellbeing isn't something im interested in. Sam as a warden can't be unbiased knowing what Dream's done, having been effected PERSONALLY by everything Dream's done. It unfortunately just isn't super realistic. Maybe if, like....Hannah was the warden or someone who pushed hard to lock Dream up id be more willing to accept the idea that she should be trying to support Dream more but as things are im not...mad that people aren't taking him into account even if I wish they would.

I'm disappointed but im by no means mad if that makes sense.

And honestly I can't in good faith accept the idea that if it weren't for the bad conditions of the prison Dream wouldnt be inclined to kill Tommy like that. Dream was like three seconds away from murdering Tubbo and locking Tommy away in the prison himself before he was arrested, and while possibly if someone had like..given him therapy..he might have gotten better, again, he's personally traumatized nearly everyone on the server and not only is therapy with any of them a conflict of interest but it would likely serve to retraumatize whoever's being forced to talk to Dream. He didn't get the idea to hurt Tommy while in prison basically, he's wanted to hurt Tommy for...well...ever...and while this possibly could have been mediated if someone would try ti give Dream a chance to heal and get better, im not going to expect anyone to do that for him given the general collective trauma he's caused because that would be immensely cruel to make anyone do unless they really want to and really think they can handle it.

Tldr; A cushier cell won't make Dream reconsider what he's done, he could have been living in luxery or even free entirely and he would still be the same tyrant and abuser. He needs therapy but this server is made up almost entirely of his victims who I won't even think about expecting to be his therapist. I'd love for him to have more comfort and think at least some changes are necessary but don't really blame anyone for not thinking about his comfort eapecially since a lot of these things would be actively loosening security which his victims obviously would be terrified by even the thought of. It's a difficult situation but it boils down to I want Dream to be more comfortable and get better but im not about to start hating the other members of the server for not thinking about that kind of thing.

Ten Nights With… Derek Hale - The Second Night

Remember: My requests are open. Remember²: English is not my main language, so I’m sorry if my writing maybe sounds bad for you.  

Let’s get started?

Word count: 2.792 Contain: Hunter!Reader, arguing, a little bit of shame Warnings: Inappropriate language +16 only Inspired by the music 3 nights, by Dominic Fike Versão em português aqui FIRST NIGHT | THIRD NIGHT COMING SOON

The storm ended up lasting all night, and both of you were forced to sleep in the car. When morning came, Derek searched on Google Maps - a little hurriedly, as his cell phone battery was running low - a motel or anywhere else so you could spend the nights to come. You had wasted gas when, unsuccessfully, you tried to return to Beacon Hills. That meant that you couldn't afford to go to a distant motel, which significantly reduced your choice of accommodation options, in addition to posing yet another problem to be solved. The closest stay was the Beverly Sunset Inn, a small and comfortable hotel with a small pool and views of the mountains. Both of you drew up a plan and finally agreed on something: You would stay at the hotel, and he would get gas from the nearest gas station as soon as possible. You were still wearing his shirt, with your jeans that were now dry, when you and Derek entered the hotel reception with masks on your faces, covering your noses and mouths. Your hair was a mess, completely tangled from the rain from the night before. The Lumen was in a backpack on your back, and you had started to think of a way to hide the book. After all, you had no idea who was staying at that hotel. The concierge's eyes went from the computer screen to both of you in a second, with his eyebrows raised in an expression that you recognized as slightly startled. What was a shirtless man and a completely disheveled woman doing there? Should he call the police? Derek was the first to speak. "Good morning," He looked at the name of the concierge on the nameplate. “Adam. My ex-wife and I need a room with two beds. ” Oh, was he trying to test your patience by calling you "ex-wife"? Without much choice, you forced a smile to the concierge, who continued to stare at you both. It was your turn to speak. “We had to spend the night on the road, because of the barrier. The storm prevents us from driving, so ... ”You indicated yourself, exposing the complete chaos your appearance was in, giving the employee an overview of the situation. His expression lit up, all suspicion falling to the ground. “Oh! The barrier! Yeah, it took by surprise a lot of people. We have several other guests who also had problems with it… ”Adam let out a light, friendly laugh as he was looking for a room on the computer. You returned the laugh to him. “Well, guys… I'm sorry, but we don't have a room with two beds. In fact, we only have the master suite available. ” Your expression faded instantly, becoming a serious one. Derek remained impassive. How did he do it? Before he could say anything, you addressed the concierge. “Ah, what a pity. Alright then, thank you very much! ” You turned your back to leave when Hale took your wrist, stopping you. You looked at him indignantly. "We have no choice." He said, seriously. "Gasoline is running out, the less we spend, the better." “Had you heard what the concierge said, didn't you? He has no room available. We can go to the nearest gas station and look for another hotel. ” The concierge looked from Derek to you as if he were watching a tennis match. "It's risky, we can run out of gas in the middle of the road." “We don't even know how close the nearest gas station is, Derek! You have a cell phone with Google Maps, just look at the distance! For God's sake, I don't want to have to sleep with you. ” Hale crossed his arms, his eyes narrowed that clearly mocked you. "You didn't complain about that in the car." Your mouth opened in pure outrage, your face starting to heat up. Now, that had been an isolated incident! You were wet and cold, and the options were scarce. He couldn't use that against you, could he? You had barely arrived, and you were already irritated by the thought of having to sleep in the same bed as a damn werewolf. You closed your eyes, took a deep breath, and tried to reason. Okay, maybe he was right. And, God, you hated it when he was right. All you could do, at that moment, was to hope that not only did you not have a hunter there, but that they never found out that you spent the night with a werewolf - something you should be hunting. Your reputation in the hunting world was important. Seeing your silence, Hale just turned back to the concierge. "Let's keep this room." Adam blinked consecutively at the whole situation. He nodded and then started asking for Hale's data. You just handed your SSN to Derek and walked away from him, mad at the Alpha. But then, you realized that you were being watched by a woman. She wore a white mask, and the elevation of her cheekbones indicated that she was smiling at you. Just for politeness, you gave her a brief nod. And she approached. Oh, shit. “Did you come here with your husband for Mary's group therapy for couples? Oh, how great to meet another couple willing to improve the relationship! ” Your eyes widened, and your face turned red again. Before you could say anything to the woman, Adam the Concierge said it out loud. “Okay, Mr. Hale, your suite's number is 357. Your service includes a bottle of wine on the house and a few body oils for massages… Uhn… Well, maybe you don't use it, but, you know, it's my job to inform you about these things. ” "Are you hosted in the 357 suite?" The woman looked at you, delighted and excited “It's the most romantic room. It has an incredible view, I'm sure you will leave that suite with the chosen name of your babies! Oh, do you have children?” You froze. Derek was looking at you from a distance, and you were pretty sure he was even having a little fun with your situation. "Ah, n-no, we ..." A throat clearing can be heard: It was Derek. Finally. "Can we go now?" He indicated the stairs leading to the bedrooms. Disconcerted by the woman's sudden appearance and what she was saying, you just nodded at him and looked at the woman again. "Uh, what's your name?" "Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart!" She let out a soft laugh, "My name is Lorraine." "Oh ok. I am (Y/N). Well, Lorraine, I have to go. I really need to relax and take a shower.” “Sure, sure. It was nice to meet you, Mrs. Hale! ” You let out a nervous laugh as you strode towards the stairs. Derek was right beside you, with the keys to the suite. He gave you a weak laugh, clearly amused by your situation. "Did you see? You have already made a friendship. ” “Hale, If you like to live, you better shut up. And where did you get this ex story? ” Your look was one of pure indignation. “What's wrong with, I don't know, I being your cousin, or something? I might as well be your adopted sister. ” “The concierge was thinking something else about the situation. I had to think fast, I didn't want him to call the police. And you're wearing my shirt.” You swallowed hard. It was unbelievable how Derek take away your ability to reason. Defeated, you let out a long sigh as he opened the door to the 357's Suite. The Beverly Sunset Inn was not a luxury hotel. You could classify it in the average standard - that is, it was not a luxury hotel, but it was also not the one in which you would think that Coronavirus itself originated on one of the facility's rotten mattresses. It was comfortable, but there were better ones out there. The 357's suite had led lights on the roof, and a spacious white canopy bed with a veil of the same color. In front of it, a long gas fireplace. The room had no windows, just a large glass door that gave access to the balcony. And Lorraine was right: The room had a stunning view of the mountains and the blue sky, and you blushed. That room would have been perfect if you had gone with someone special, not Derek fucking Hale. In fact, the Alpha seemed quite at ease. Damned self-confidence! He entered the room, throwing the car keys and his mask on the nightstand. You closed the door behind you, left your mask on the armchair next to the fireplace, and placed the backpack on the floor. Then, you took the Lumen out of there and your pocket knife from your boots. Derek's voice was soon present from the balcony door. "Where are you going to hide the Lumen?" "In a place that I don't think someone will find." You walked to the bathroom and took out the black bag that was stuck in the trash. You wrapped the Lumen in it, as a way to isolate all the material that was toxic to Derek, and then, you took your pocket knife. You threw the blankets and the mattress sheet up a little and made a tear in the seam. It was invisible to anyone who came in to turn the room over. There, you stuck the book in and arranged the tear to make it invisible. "Done. Even if someone throws the mattress through the bedroom, they will never find the book.” You said, getting up and tidying up the little mess you made in bed. Derek had his arms crossed. "I hope it works." "Me too. Well ... I'm going to take a shower. I need it.”

* * *

You lost a few minutes in the bathtub in the suite bathroom, and the water seemed to take all the stress out of your body. Derek, on the other hand, discovered a small clothing boutique at the hotel and tried to buy some clothes for you. Surprisingly, he was right about your sizes. In fact, he watched - secretly, after all, you are a hunter - your body, so it was not difficult for him to assume which size you used. When it was his turn to go to the shower, you decided to go out and explore the hotel. Fortunately, you had not met any hunters known to you. On the other hand, you found out that the hotel was with a significant number of people who had gone for group therapy for couples. According to the poster, the therapist would do a series of activities that included games and diverse dynamics as a way to promote harmony between couples. During your tour, you tried your best to escape from Lorraine. To be called “Mrs. Hale ”made you freeze. And then, as soon as you returned to the bedroom, you and Derek were enveloped in the evil that plagued everyone in social distancing: Boredom. The night came. The sky was clear and starry, and the moonlight with the dim light from the fireplace gave the room the sensual vibe that you definitely didn't want. So you chose to just keep the lights on. In a way to try to avoid that unbearable boredom, you and Derek ended up asking for that bottle of wine that Adam mentioned. You were sitting on the bed, a glass of wine in one hand. Hale, on the other hand, was sitting on the floor with his back against the bed. "At least the wine is good." You said as you looked at the glass, trying to see something good during all that chaos. “It's not my type of drink, but I think it will fix for awhile. It is not bad." You raised your eyebrows. "You look like the kind of guy who drinks Jack Daniels." He gave a short laugh. "And you look like the type of woman who drinks martinis." You smiled and shook your head, amused. And then, a silence hung in the air. It was not an odd silence, but a comfortable one. Your eyes then went to Hale analytically: His broad shoulders were relaxed. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes, and you were still analyzing him. His chest slowly rose and fell, and the empty glass of wine moved slowly from side to side while Hale played with it almost unconsciously - which made you watch his hands. What had they already done? How much blood was there? How many women had already touched? As stupid as you might find that question that popped into your brain, you knew it was just a reflection of that little attraction you felt. And, damn, you had tried so desperately to hide those feelings under the carpet until it was gone! However, it eventually came back. The proof of that was you, who was simply analyzing his body language, had started to admiring every inch of his body suddenly. What was it like to be held by those hands? Dip your face in that neck and be surrounded by those arms? And what was it like to kiss those lips? They looked so soft ... "Do you want to make a painting?" His eyes opened and looked at you, his eyebrows arched, and his body was turned towards you. You rolled your eyes at his words, blushing for the thousandth time that day. "Fuck you, Derek." So, you looked at him. “It's just that I've never seen you so at peace. How did you become a ...? ” "It is from birth." He replied, understanding your question before you even finished it. Derek took the bottle of wine beside him on the floor and filled the glass with it a little more. You held your glass out to him in a silent request, and he filled it too. "How about you?" Hale put the bottle down next to him as soon as he filled your glass, and looked at you "How long have you been in this hunting world?" "Since I was sixteen." You drank the wine from the glass before continuing “I ran into a case in my high school. I investigated, went after, and solved it. Since then, I got a passion for hunting. I like the adrenaline, the adventure... It makes me feel alive. That's why I hunt. I never lost anyone to the things I hunt. ” Hale cracked his jaw. Suddenly, it looked like he had been bothered by something. You didn't catch it right until he let out a short, humorless laugh and opened his mouth to speak. “So you think I am a thing? Because I am definitely what you hunt. ” He was right: You hunt werewolves too, but it wasn't what you wanted to go through. His words had been like sharp blades, and you pressed your lips together in guilt. "I did not mean to say that you're a thing." “Hunters are incredibly similar. They think they're fucking heroes. ” Derek turned the wine glass over, drinking what was left. Then he got up with the bottle of wine. He put it in the fridge and left the glass on the nightstand. “I don't think I'm a hero, Derek. Stop with this drama." Okay, whatever. It will not change my life at all. I'm going to sleep." And there they were again, the cutting and hurtful words. You didn't even see them coming this time, being stunned. You didn't want to admit it, but you could feel your chest getting crushed. Hale lay beside you, his back to you, in silence. Shit. You imitated his gesture, turning the glass over in your mouth and finishing the wine it contained. You left the glass on your nightstand and turned off the lights, lying on the bed, your back to him. Your eyes stared at the bedroom wall, thinking about what had happened. The truth was that Derek, gradually, started to get used to and become attached to your presence - even if he didn't admit it out loud. That was why he was upset by your words: He didn't expect you to match to that secret attachment because you were a hunter. However, hearing what sounds like a confirmation about it from you had hurt him. You wanted to fix things. With your heart in pieces, you lost yourself in thoughts through the dawn, thinking about how to fix that situation. Derek was also unable to sleep properly. Having your scent so close was disconcerting. And that was your second night.

1) IT’S OKAY TO FAIL

I’m not sure how other 34 year olds feel when their 35th birthday is coming up. As for me, I felt like my failures grew more apparent. Celebrate what you HAVE accomplished and be grateful for another day.

2) CRAVE TO BE A BEGINNER AGAIN

I’ve been wanting to try something new for a good minute. Like point number one, it’s okay to fail at something! This goes hand in hand with being a beginner. I strongly believe in being a student of life. I always wanted to learn a new language.

3) LOVE YOUR PARENTS

We are often so busy growing up, we often forget they are also growing old! If you needed a reminder to call your parents, this is it. Do it now! My mom is my world. She was my worst enemy as a teenager but now my best friend as an adult <3

4) MOVE AT YOUR OWN PACE

Fuck what everyone is doing on Instagram. Fuck what your high school friends are doing. Fuck what your college friends are doing. Live your life at your own pace. If you had kids or want kids before marriage, fuck it. If you chose your career before a man, FUCK IT. You will move at the pace that is meant for YOU.

5) SO LIVE THE LIFE AND TAKE EVERY CHANCE TO BE AS HAPPY AS YOU CAN BE..

Being true to yourself takes guts. First, you’ve got to face everything around you and figure out what is important; what you think really counts ;). second, you’ve got to interact with a lot of people who may see things differently.

6) RELATIONSHIPS

No relationship is perfect, ever. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater... The love we have for each other is bigger than these small differences. and that’s the key. it’s like a big pie chart, and the love in a relationship has to be the biggest piece. Love can make up for a lot.

7) SOULMATE

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah.. too painful. soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then Leave.

8) 30S ARE BETTER THAN YOUR 20S

It’s the same! Except we’re still young enough to have fun without making dumb decisions. We’re also more mindful financially! We always have experienced and seen things and know what not to repeat. I feel a little more at ease at 30. I’m caring less about what other people think. I really don’t have energy for it anymore!

9) WEAR THE FUCKING SUNSCREEN

My mom always told me to wear sunscreen on my face. I never listened. I have a lot of sunspots on my face now! Wearing sunscreen helps protect you from skin cancer, wrinkles and sunspots/freckles. If you aren’t listening to ya mama, listen to me! lol I wear Glossier’s Invisible Shield, but they’ve been sold out for a good minute. So, I’m currently using Super Goop’s Sunscreen Moisturizer. So far, it hasn’t made me break out!

10) TAKE OFF YOUR MAKE UP BEFORE BED

At the very least, keep some make up removal wipes beside your bed! I know we’re tired af at the end of the night, but you’ll be doing your skin a huge favor in the long run. Just know that make up wipes don’t take off everything, you’d be surprised how much is still on your face! So always try to go further and do your skin care routine.

11) LIFE

This Life is what you make it. no matter what, you’re going to mess up sometimes. it’s a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you’re going to mess it up. Girl’s will be your Friends - they’ll act like it anyways. but just remember, some come, some go. the ones that stay with you through everything- they’re your true best friends. don’t let go of them. As for Lovers, well, they’ll come and go too. And i hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can’t give up because if yoi give up, you’ll never find your soulmate, you’ll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. just because you fail once, doesn’t mean you’re gonna fail at everything. keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will? so keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.

12) GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT

Everyone on social media posts their highlight reels but only a few share the grit and grind behind it all. Don’t forget to give yourself credit even for the smallest things that you don’t think is “post worthy”. Pat yourself on the back!

13) BE MORE SELF AWARE OF HOW YOU REACT TO OTHERS

I strongly believe in the butterfly effect. How you treat others can leave a positive or negative effect on them. I always try my best to be kind to others. If I can’t be kind, I’m very quiet! Even if people are mean to me, I think deeper like are they having a bad day? Maybe my kind act can help them change their mood.

14) BE NICE AND EXPECT NOTHING IN RETURN

Best recipe to live by. So many people offer a lending hand but expect so much in return.

15) DON’T FORCE THINGS – LET IT FLOW ORGANICALLY

Someone who forces shit to happen is ignorant & aggressive. You can’t force relationships or friendships to work out. It doesn’t work that way if it’s ONE SIDED. Sometimes, TIME helps a situation out. Let it play out, what’s destined to be yours will be yours!!! All relationships should be bloomed organically. Always try to understand one another. Some people don’t move like you and that’s okay.

16) YOU DON’T TOLERATE PEOPLE OR SITUATIONS LIKE YOU USED TO

Enough said. Ain’t no body got time for that.

17) IT’S NORMAL TO SEE A THERAPIST

You don’t have to be “crazy” to see a therapist. I did and it was life changing. There’s a huge stigma with mental health, but it’s actually more common than people think. People struggle with it daily but hide it because of the stigma. I also found out that students who are trying to become a therapist offer free or very affordable services to those who don’t have insurance! Check out any college and I’m sure you’ll find something fitting!

18) MEDITATE.. DO THAT SHIT PLS

Practice your breathing too! Headspace is really helpful app that concentrates on various subjects: anxiety, depression, stress, etc. I don’t meditate long! It can be as little as 3 minutes. Taking a moment to find yourself again can help you in the long run.

19) NOW’S THE TIME TO SEE THE WORLD

BITCH, you better be planning to travel!!!!! I can’t emphasize this enough. If you’re a woman reading this, we MUST DO IT NOW. Before you have kids, just do yourself this favor. You won’t regret it. Seeing parts of the world has broaden my perspective immensely!

20) MARI KONDO THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR LIFE: CLOTHES, BOOKS…PEOPLE

I’m at this point in my life where I’m looking at everything and everyONE and ask myself, does this spark joy?! It’s completely necessary for you to start fresh and say thank you to things and people who no longer serve a purpose in your life.

21) IF YOU DON’T HEAL WHAT HURT YOU, YOU WILL BLEED ON PEOPLE WHO DIDN’T CUT YOU (@THEASLAYWAY)

You can’t rely on someone else to fill the void you were supposed to heal yourself first. Don’t be selfish and make sure that you are completed healed when moving on to the next partner!

22) DO WHAT YOU WANT, POST WHAT YOU WANT, LIVE HOW YOU WANT!!!!

WE AINT GIVIN A FUCK IN 2019 & MOVING FORWARD. Go ahead and post what you want. We’re not living for the validation of others.

23) DON’T LIVE SOMEONE ELSE’S DREAM

Currently trying to get through this right now. lol

24) MENTAL HEALTH IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS YOUR PHYSICAL HEALTH

This goes with 17 & 18. If I sound like I’m repeating myself, then it’s because I really am adamant about it! I didn’t always have GAD, but when I realized I had it, I learned to take the necessary steps to control my anxiety. I realized working out in the gym is not the only “exercising” I should be doing. I should be practicing affirmation, gratitude & meditation.

25) BE CAREFUL WHO YOU GET CLOSE TO

Some people really just in it for the gossip. Keep your circle tight and you’ll be aiite. For me, being in the social media industry has led me to meet several people. It’s rare to meet someone genuine, so I always make sure I keep my distance but still always show respect and give them an opportunity to open up.

26) OTHER PEOPLE MAY BE TOXIC IN YOUR LIFE, BUT MAKE SURE YOU’RE NOT THE TOXIC ONE

As you get older, accountability will help you grow. Owning up to your actions towards others can help you realize how you react towards others or situations. Before pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean. I’m a strong believer of what you give this world is gonna come back to you.

27) PLEASE DON’T WORK OUT ON ONLY BOOTY AND ABS

I remember signing up for the gym and telling the membership counselor my goal was to grow a bigger butt and get abs. I’ve learned that your body works as a whole unit, not in isolation! Overall strength over aesthetic is the wave! I love being strong <3

28) RESEARCH HOW YOU CAN IDENTIFY PERSONALITY DISORDERS

You’ll come across people in your life that you can’t see eye to eye with. It could be family, your partner or your friends. I think it’s important to grasp a better understanding of personality traits/disorders such as narcissism, bipolar, emotional abusers, psychopaths, etc. They come or are in your life more often than you think! Not only do I suggest to gain insight on it, but also I recommend researching how to DEAL with it. I promise you things will come to light once you do.

29) LOVE YOURSELF – YOU CAN’T SERVE FROM AN EMPTY VESSEL

Your 20s are your selfish years. Remember to put yourself FIRST. We cannot love someone successfully without loving ourselves first. Our first love should be ourselves to know how WE want to be loved. We must feel secure before stepping into anything serious. Live life for yourself, be gracious and love yourself wholeheartedly.

30) BEFORE YOU ARGUE

Before you argue with someone, ask yourself, is that person even mentally mature enough to grasp the concept of different perspectives? Because if not, there’s absolutely no point.

31) NEVER TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

never take responsibility for ppl not seing your worth. There was nothing u could have changed them. No perfection would have made them loyal. No sacrifice would have them made committed. Stop taking blame for decisions that aren't yours

32) Success is never owned.. it’s rented, and the rent is due everyday. -pacman

33) SOMETIMES

I care too much, I trust too much, I think too much, I love too much, everything about me is just too much. But even so I wouldn’t want to change that about me. Just holding onto the hope that one day my “too much” will be everything someone could ever want.

34) FROM GOOD THINGS TO BAD THINGS

From good things, we learn to be a thankful person. From bad things, we learn to be a strong person. Remember that everything will not go the way you want it to. It's a matter of learning that life isn't handed to you. Stop worrying about what others want. Think about what you want, if you listen too much to what people say about you, you will never be who you really are.

hi how’s it going

i’ve realised today that this is pretty much the last social media space where i can pretty much put anything, so I’m going to tell y’all about something that’s been on my mind a while. 

for one reason or another I don’t particularly want to put it in an extremely public space, but if i keep keeping it to myself I’ll explode. It’ll probably end up being a little long, so I’m pre-emptively going to put it under a cut. 

it’s been well over two years. here’s some things about my last relationship.  I also realise some of y’all know him, and if for any reason you end up reading this whole thing (which I honestly doubt bc not many people i know irl read this rubbish reblog based collection of things of mine) I’ll ask you to not judge me for what I’m putting on here, or to tell him about it. Please don’t. It’s been a long time. There’s no point. It already takes me a lot of effort to keep it away from everyone else that we share. Just let it be.

anyway. Here goes nothing.

i think just about anyone who doesn’t end up marrying a high school sweetheart has some version of The Ex. I started dating mine at the end of my first year of university. It was hilariously public in our teeny, tiny shared world. I really was naive in a whole lot of ways (I still am, really, hardly a human being) but I was as close to being in love as I thought I could be. 

Not to say that i didn’t love him, but I very sincerely think what love meant to me then and what it means to me now are worlds apart. I was an extraordinarily broken person at the end of high school, suicidal at a degree that I didn’t even understand at the time. The last time I spoke to a therapist about that time of my life had her sit back in her chair, speechless for a few minutes, at the end of which she said something to the effect of “I’m amazed you made it through. Don’t take that risk [of not seeing someone who can help] next time.”

When I met my Ex I was in a very severe and wonderful transition in my life, where I found a purpose to live, where I made friends that I finally, finally didn’t have to leave behind at a moment’s notice, where I could actually do normal things like go to a friend’s house or be out past 4pm.  I essentially realised that I was allowed to be happy, for the first time in my life, for myself. I was allowed to make decisions for myself, I was allowed to cut toxic influences out of my life, and that I could live rather than survive every day. At the end of the year it got too much and I had a strange incident where I pretty much ran away from the end of year after party celebration and, convinced that I would never be this happy ever again, got wrapped up in the idea that I should kill myself.  I didn’t tell anyone where i was. It was probably about 2 or 3 in the morning. i left my phone on a bench, I think, and stood on a wooden something and bent over to look into the ocean. I don’t remember much else, and I have no idea how much time passed, but somehow he found me. I didn’t want to die after all. I just needed someone to care.

I think he was pretty convinced that he could fix me. i didn’t realise that i didn’t need fixing, so i believed him. we embarked on a weird and wonderful relationship, and things were actually well enough that somehow I skipped past all his faults and we just didn’t address anything that was too uncomfortable.  The relationship was good. He is, to this day, a brilliant friend to have. Nothing was wrong until I left the country. 

I realise now that we had shared everything up until that point - friends, work, space, interests. I neglected my own interests if they didn’t bide well with him. I’m sure he made a handful of sacrifices as well. We melted into a single pot of aesthetic that neither of us really liked that much.  I started making friends that he would never meet. The time difference put a massive strain on our communication. He didn’t want to hear about what I was doing, he didn’t care about the wonderful people I was meeting. He was stressed about university work. I was stressed about university work.  I went to a bunch of parties and stayed true to what I thought was a healthy relationship. He disagreed. It went downhill pretty fast from there. 

I don’t think he meant to be cruel at that point. Like I said, he’s a good person as a friend and a boyfriend. When the tension got shitty enough for an actual break up, things got really bad, really fast. 

Even when things got bad I was convinced that we could work through them. I was blinded by distance and couldn’t see how many points of stress he had at the time. But when things ended properly I pushed to be friends, and what was already a Really Bad Situation got worse.  In hindsight I should have kept the messages to remind myself to never get to that point every again. I saw the arrogance, the pride and the toxicity towards his other ex girlfriends when we were dating, but was convinced that I would never be on the receiving end. Even as i was receiving message after message I looked at how I could have done better, could have been better, could have more smoothly handled the break up. 

I don’t remember the exact contents of those messages anymore, but everytime i see him name pop up on Facebook or any other social media site where we’re both active I think about how I would be blindingly drunk for two days every time I saw that he had sent me something for two months after we broke up.  It’s been over two years. He’s had well enough time to get over the anger, but I don’t think I’ll ever forget being called a cunt and a rat so many times. It was the first time in my life someone was actually so angry, so directly at me. I guess that’s pretty lucky. 

I blocked him today. It felt unbelievably soothing, if inconsequential. I know he doesn’t care anymore to even be irritated when we run into each other, or when other people mention my name. He’s cleared all those feelings out. 

But everytime one of our mutual friends (who were very adamant about staying friends with the both of us) mentions him, or even tags him on facebook I get put back in that whirlpool of mixed, highly unsafe feelings. 

I don’t need that shit. I’m in love for the first time in my life, I’ve worked through a fucking handful of past trauma from my childhood, and I’m on vacation around the world this year. The Ex can suck my dick. I’m done shying myself away from the damage he so easily wrecked and the trust he so easily tore apart because I got things to do and places to be. 

I can’t believe it took me this long. I can’t wait to stop caring. 

Ponies

I can't even stand to look at people that don't want to over throw the Government. If I even suspect they don't want to over throw the Government, I really start to hate em* quite a few people seem to have lost this moral highground somewhere in societal degrade city. Some people are extremely adamant about making the World a terrible place. Case Number 03938061: This is why nobody has safely advanced civillization. Now while every scumbag shitty retard therapist and police sergeant and satanic investor was thinking about a rebuttles to say how it's not ok overthrow the Government ,as well as every worthless asshole politician who is a dime a motherfucking dozen since the 70's or 80's and everybody's mommy and daddy was working for the stock market and everybody was just dying to work for a Chevy and Ford Honda and Toyota oil monopoly. I swear to God I better hear ever soldier and police officer and courtroom judge tell me and everybody else how great the representation is in America, and how great rampant abuses of psychiatric fraud and medical malpractice are. I need to hear how great it is to drug everybody with toxic medications and to see drug commercials everywhere because they are so important to corporate policy along with every single other societal degrade including psychotronic attacks on Civillians and big oil, smog,and toxic poisons and waste!, I need to hear how important it is that every asshole died for a piece of the pie in lobbyist funded corporate America, Because I was unfortunately being a victim of some type of traumatic mind control. There Are certain types of EMF,v2k, Sonic blackjack and or psychotronic weapons that I was attacked by. It may be monarch traumatic mind control. America the marketing capital of the fucking world. It causes traumatic amnesia, memory loss, repressed emotions that victims will be unable to process. It is horrible. Psychiatry and the DSM will not acknowledge these types of attacks even if a person can remember. This is a state of emergency for far too many people. Victims have been blacklisted even in the public school system. Some therapists are very well aware of how fraudulent psychiatry can be and the DSM . Attackers and gang or cult blacklist stalkers will take full advantage of this. Often times a victim may be trying to make a positive life change and will be drugged and or attacked by these destructive trauma weapons. I went to Pittsford Mendon graduated 95. Teachers have even set up students with these types of attacks to conspire against victims. Let me remind everyone in Satoris class I did say I wanted every mk ultra scientist shot in the head (twice). I said I wanted to run for Congress as well even if I just got the grant and marketed grassroots biofuel to vote on I would have crushed all enemy opposition. ) Usually inventory is taken on victims to see if they have any truly positive or safe connections. Familiy life included. Some families will set their children up or be so Ill equipped to deal with this that they may simply call it a mental illness which is not even close to acknowledging these issues. Some families endanger their kids by not helping them protect themselves. Either running or gunning. Some family members hold others back from truly protecting themselves.This causes very much loneliness, trauma and depression so others can later take advantage of the victim. There is no real protection in the news or media or any effective legislation for these types of attacks. I had many people falsely befriend me and when they saw me moving on they made sure I was stalked and attacked. People that had me attacked shortly after I moved 20 minutes to a new town called Pittsford. My dad was dead in less than a year. Gunjit Nathan J Berkebile grant Hammond. All lived on the street I moved to. Dale Goldstein jack watts had me stalked and watched in therapy people will even conspire to have people set up with therapists. Doyle just happened to move into my school after berkebile left. He's a satanic fuk. Doyle really needed people shot with these weapons so he could "deal" with them. I.got tricked into moving in with jeff and Kevin Wright and Milan and Doyle shot me with some type of hand held devices. It was after I moved in. My brother "introduced " me to Jeff, Tim and kevin. Had to be purposeful The Palmers on Roslyn street met Palmer at college at Alfred state . Jon ash I am pretty sure really followed me to college. I think that's what really happened. chris Milan justin figgarelli, conti Collins had Anne Corey followed me to my class at mcc jon Ash followed me to Alfred state. I had thought I made a friend of the Palmers. But it was not the case They so badly set me up. I knew them for years they plotted and suggested therapists through another source. At 145 south fitzhugh I was m.h. placed me thru case management Steve Pezel, Courtney Audino Cindy Kinyan and Jenn Moore were there to harass me after I was later shot months later. maybe I sat on a device it's very obvious when people get blasted by these weapons similar to EMF, psychotronics and v2k , Jordan Collins. Sean Driscoll, Chad Francis and Todd Francis as well as Jason Doyle had me hurt very badly with some type of device and Amy fien. Sometimes hand held Devices are used. They have people shot by these weapons and insult them or say terrible things to them and the victim loses their memory. Concentration, happiness, motivation and quality of life are very much effected. Teacher satori targeted me openly in class knowing I would suffer memory loss and nobody helped at all. Aeisha Ash wanted me attacked,,she said so in class. Weiss too. I wonder how many Jews are especially targeted like me. I even mentioned I was thinking of running for Congress. Nobody does sht in office anyway If law enforcement can't provide safety or put up a billboard people must protect themselves. There are far too many cover-ups and stovepiping so people are not nearly well enough informed. Any president could have protected his people a long time ago. Homeland security isn't really for the anything and what has the CIA done? budgets for nothing but societal degrades big pharma, big oil and false news in America. These are intolerable Grievances. Justin Figgarelli was always a disgusting sick fck. I never even entertained the idea of being friends with someone like that. This trauma is terrible people or victims sometimes will get messed up to the point that they fall into situations they had no intentions of getting into. Conti lived with figgarelli. Everybody knew I was really just not interested in Tim anymore. Doyle said when I was 19 a gang was going to come into my group therapy and I wasn't even thinking about group therapy at the time. It was when I was 26 when Watts came in met him at the Palmers barbecue when I was 22. Tim had me shot with some weapin to mess me up and Jessie got drugs from someone for Tim to give me. Age 22. I was working part time and going to school. There is no way my life would have gone this way without severe negative intervention. Those weapons really effect judgement. This is a conglomerate attack. This is so much of the reason society never progresses beyond a big oil company and medical fraud and dsmv malpractice. Does anybody think any of these people would have a decent job if they got shot a bunch of times with these types of weapons? I have memories as a kid of pretty strange stuff. People may find out things happened to a victim of traumatic events and say something like well how come I can't mess with them yet? — in Rochester, NY. Photo sometimes I just knew things as a kid like haarp and TENCAP. in the 80's. I think they may have sent information to me and then had me attacked. Jason Doyle when I was 19 told me he didn't care if I was going to be the most talented psychic in the world he just wanted to mess me up. I was getting shot. I actually remember songs that I knew and could partially here so many years before they came out. I dont think Earth or pf Chang's needs people like Jason Doyle alive at all. Or people like Fred or Jessie or Becky Palmer or this person and that other person and this one and that one or Anne Corey or definitely not Cindy Kinyan or Jenn moore or.. it's like Satan and Hitler just strolled in with some lobbyists and a marketing campaign. And rommell took a break from tank duty and bought an Abrahams. it's the song of Deborah. In the book of Judges most people didn't do anything. Psyops patches and badges nro literally remind me of my childhood and I never viewed them a normal way. I caught glimpses of them though

She’s a Pretty Girl– She’s Always Falling Down; And I Think I Just Fell in Love With Her | Part 17

MOOD MUSIC

Considering where they’d been even a mere few days ago things had started to go back to normal. Better than normal actually. They were lucky Dean had been so tolerant of the two of them as long as he had. Emma wasn’t always so affectionate as Jude was, but with the progress of their relationship it had become more natural. Usually, it only elicited the fairly typical, “Gross,” from Dean.

Emma had done a lot of thinking in this time. She thought mostly of Adam who had seemingly disappeared for good this time. It was the worry that plagued her mind more than any other. She didn’t so much care about Bobby coming home and finding Jude there, she could handle that. In the end, it didn’t really matter what he felt about the situation. The truth of it was, she was in love– again– only this time, it would last. She couldn’t explain why she had so much confidence in what she had with Jude. It could be the very tangible son who they’d met. Or maybe its the dreams that fill her sleep– pushing away the nightmares so that she wakes up feeling rested.

She finds herself getting used to the idea that its real this time. He’s not going to leave her like the others did. The only time he had– it’d been to benefit her– not for some bullshit excuse that he couldn’t fully explain to her. Likewise, she’d made more than conscious efforts to understand all that he’d been through when he’d been away. She’d never known of anyone suffering so much simply because she wasn’t in their life anymore.

In turn, Jude was more than happy to share his thoughts with her. They had ritual sessions every day now of just sitting and reading each others memories from the time. He’d been reluctant at first to let her see some of it because he didn’t want to trigger her own guilt– but she’d insisted. Sometimes they just sat there in front of each other with their eyes closed and made comments to each other about what they saw in the other’s mind. He’d begun to feel as though he knew her better than anyone else in the entirety of his life– almost. For that, he’s grateful– even if she still blocks him from some parts of her mind.

Presently, as they sit on her bed, her hands overlapping his between them he opens his eyes. He doesn’t want to ask but he knows she can sense it coming. Its all too obvious when her hands fly back from his and her own eyes shoot open just as he’d been trying to get in.

“No–…” Its all she can even think to say at first. She can’t let him see her like that. Its the one thing she’s certain could and would drive him away. There was good reason for why she always blocked those memories from him. Any memories before roughly the age of twenty-three. That’s about where she can pinpoint the real turnaround in her mental health. She’d lived with Bobby for two years at that point and she’d found a good rhythm. She’d had a steady flow of people who cared about her in her life at that point.

But anything before– was a risk she wasn’t willing to take. He thinks he knows her, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t know her past, her biological family– none of it.

“Emma come on– please?” He doesn’t mean to sound so desperate, it just happens. He can tell where the cut off is and he doesn’t like it. It makes him feel as though there’s this other whole half of herself– her life– that she hides from him, more than half. If he’s right, she lets him in on only the past two and a half years or so. Its almost exactly to the time that they’d met.

She shakes her head, practically glaring at him. “Trust me– you don’t want to know. Its better this way.” She puts her hands out as if to stop him from further arguing with her on the subject.

He has to admit, he’s more than a little offended by the fact that she so easily dismisses the matter entirely. “Better? How can it be better when I know next to nothing about your life before I met you?” He challenges, even as she stares him down. His eyes fight back just as openly defiant as her own.

“You don’t want to see me that way– it would–”

“–What? What would it do?” He presses, not even letting her finish. He refuses to give up. This is too important to him. He can’t believe that she doesn’t feel the same way. “Give me insight? Help me understand where you come from? Tell me all you’ve been through?” He continues unrelentingly.

She shakes her head more violently this time. Her mind shoots off the sarcastic remark faster than her mouth can form the words. ‘Make you stop loving me?’ She knows he heard it so she continues killing him with her eyes.

Jude begins laughing– not because the situation is in any way funny, but more because of the impossibility of the suggestion from her mind. He gives her an incredulous look as his own head motions side to side. “That’s not going to happen, remember?”

Still, her eyes bear down on him. She’s so certain that he only appears confident because he has not a clue what he’s talking about. She can feel the frustration rising within herself. This just wasn’t something that she could back down on. She knows exactly what she’s talking about whereas he only assumes he does. “You don’t know what it was like back then– you don’t know what I was like…” She begins slowly. “You don’t know what you’re asking for.”

His eyes narrow at her in concentration. “I’m sorry– were you not the woman who sat here– for the past three days– and watched every single pathetic part of my time away from you?” He asks as though she’s being completely ridiculous.

“Jude…” She tilts her head back toward the ceiling with a groan.

“Emma.” He pauses. “I don’t know if you were paying attention or not but I probably won’t be able to consume alcohol the same way I used to for the rest of my life.” He retorts, his eyebrows knitting together in offense. “Its called alcoholism. I went through withdrawals– we just haven’t gotten to that part– but if it will prove to you just how bad it really was? So be it. We’ll do it right now.” He can’t help but wonder when they became children trying to best each other’s burdens.

So maybe she feels like a jerk because he does have a point. He may be perfectly sane most of the time, but even she can’t deny how messed up his life had become for those horrid six months. She’s keen on the leaving it all behind just as soon as they’ve rehashed all of it in their minds together.

Jude puts his hands back out to rest in the space where their knees meet on the bed. He doesn’t know why he’s so nervous to have her see this part of their journey, maybe because it was fairly disgusting.

She looks over to him just as defiantly as he’d been before, placing her hands over his and closing her eyes. Jude’s are forced shut but he doesn’t have time to activate that part of his memory as those of her own play in his mind in rapid succession.

The emotions she feels at the memories are of the highest level of toxicity– like she can’t breathe as she thinks on her life before. There’s a deep frown that instantly comes over his features as he sifts through it all, trying to keep his own feelings toward it neutral so as not to scare her away.

It starts with a little girl in an older house. She couldn’t have been more than seven and her mother is yelling at her, bearing down on the child. Its clear that she’s made some kind of mistake and is now being reamed for it. A little boy appears and tries to calm down the mother, telling her that Izzy is hungry– as if that takes more precedence. The little girl’s mother points her index finger into her face and tells her if she finds out she’s done anything else she will go to bed without dinner. After the mother leaves, the little boy hugs his sister. He tells her that she didn’t mean it, and that even if she did– he’ll bring her food later.

In a flash they move onto the next. This time the younger version of Emma sits in her father’s lap, crying about something that had happened prior to the moment. The older man sits there with one arm firmly around his daughter’s middle while the hand of his other wipes away the tears at her face. “I love you enough for both of us sweetheart, sometimes its just hard for her to understand.” He says, causing Jude to realize it must have been something to do with her mother again.

When the vision shifts again, she’s sitting slumped over in a chair as a psychiatric doctor tells her he can’t help her if she doesn’t try. She looks at him as though she’s going to cry, shaking her head and attempting to defend herself with her parents in the room. Her father looks almost as sad as she does. Her mother looks disappointed and judgmental at the now young teenage girl that sits in the middle.

Moments later the memory opens onto a group of teenagers sitting in a circle. They all seem to be watching Emma carefully as she confesses to having a hard week– that she’d been cutting again and starving herself too. A few of them nod in understanding as the group therapist offers support before opening up suggestions to the floor. Jude notices that even the other patients in the group are harsh toward Emma. One of them even tells her to “grow up.”

The following memory is perhaps the most disturbing yet. She sits in a hospital bed in an over-sized gown. Her hair is a mess as she sits on the bed seemingly attempting to make herself smaller. There are large amounts of gauze wrapped around of her wrists to match the wristband with her information on it. She looks as though she’s been crying for so long that her eyes are permanently bloodshot– that is– what you can barely make out of her eyes.

Another flash and they’re now in a different kind of hospital. She stands naked in front of a nurse who checks for any marks or signs of unhealthiness. She takes her vitals, weighs her, and tells her to put her clothes back on. She’s given a meal that’s already cold from the lapsed time as they’d made it for her in preparation of her arrival. They then show her to her room– the roommate she’s given is probably the scariest part so far. The other girl is quite territorial of her possessions but tries a little too hard to be Emma’s friend. Then as the flipping of a switch is yelling at her and complaining that she can’t sleep because Emma is crying too loudly. Emma is comforted by some of the staff who suggest she sleep in “the quiet room,” which turns out to be the isolation room. She lies on the stiff bed, curled up in a ball without a single blanket to keep her warm.

Throughout the week and a half she’s there, they give her more and more medication. This continues until she’s so drugged up she doesn’t even recognize herself in the mirror anymore. She sleeps most of the day because its better than being awake to deal with the roommate or the feeling of being imprisoned. Jude can’t help but feel as though she’s treated like some kind of science experiment. Its like she’s a number on a list to be checked off every half an hour they make sure she hasn’t done anything to herself.

The memory shifts again and she’s being taken home. Her mother hadn’t wanted her to come home yet, but her father had insisted that the doctor’s had said she was ready to come home. She’d even made it through her court date. Her mother complains to her father in the front seat the entire trip home as if Emma isn’t sitting in the backseat listening to every word.

A few months pass which Emma summarizes in memories of finding out that her father was having health issues. Even in her weakened state, she does her best to take care of him. But its clear he didn’t make it when images flashes of a body being rolled out of their home with a sheet over it. A voice from the paramedic speaking to her mother says it was a heart attack. “So sudden, he wasn’t in any pain.” Her mother makes the entire thing about herself. She clings to her other two children– but when Jude looks for Emma she practically sprints to her bedroom and crumples on her bed. At this point, he can see that she’s barely an adult– if that.

Another couple months of time pass, Emma looks even worse now. Its clear she’s lost weight and that sleep hasn’t been present for some time. She looks constantly tired and frightened– with good reason. If it were even possible her mother is worse than before. She seems to blame every problem the family has on the middle child– who is ironically caught in the midst of all of it.

The climax is a memory of Emma making herself a snack in the kitchen. Most likely its the first time she’s really eaten all day. She must have woken up her mother because she comes flying into focus and looks so angry her eyes seems to swell from their sockets. She yells at Emma for waking her up when she knows she has to work tomorrow. She almost seems hungover as Emma desperately mumbles apologies profusely. Her mother seems to grow only more disgusted by her daughter. She covers her mouth then– too bad she’d covered her nostrils too. Emma begins to panic, her sight going darker as she realizes she can’t breathe. In one last effort before she can fully pass out, she lightly puts a hand over her mother’s mouth. Her mother recoils just as her little sister enters the room and asks what’s going on.

It appears in an instant that the very next day Emma is locked up permanently in a low budget long term facility states away from where she’d been living. He sees a series of events that mark the days, weeks, months, and then years that her family goes without visiting her. It seems to all melt into one long horrible nightmare. The only thing that tells Jude that time is passing in gross amounts is the deterioration Emma goes through. She begins hopeful that if she gets well enough, they’ll bring her home and she can be better for them– for her mother.

By the time Bobby gets to her she seems genuinely surprised that anyone even knows she’s still there. The way she speaks and acts reminds Jude of that of a young child– too frightened and damaged to function in the regular world anymore. Her memories move a lot slower during this period, as if regular thought takes much more focus. The people around her look as zombies and the staff is split between “couldn’t care less” and nurturing.

The doctors who are supposed to be helping her get better are by far some of the most terrifying people Jude has ever encountered. He remembers Emma being sure at one point that the man prescribing her medications is the devil himself. At one point he begins their conversion with, “Hello Emma– do you like making deals? I like deals.”

The only comforting figure in her life at this point is Josh– who is also the only person before Bobby’s time that Jude himself recognizes. Emma is sure to show him how great Josh was to her, how a bond formed the way they had was damn near unbreakable.

She allows him to see the way she’d met Bobby. “The man in the suit.” Their first real interaction actually causes the first sign of life from Jude externally. She finishes out the memory with meeting Sam and Dean for the first time. She lets him hear just how reluctant Dean had been.

Finally, they jump to someone knocking on the door. Emma opens it, determined to be a viable member of the team– and there he stands. Outwardly, Jude makes a face as he takes in his own appearance. Its still strange to see himself from Emma’s perspective. The first thing that crosses her mind is that he’s probably an angel. “Definitely can’t be evil– please, I hope…”

Emma finally pulls her hands back from his. She drops her head and squeezes her eyes closed as if waiting for it all to sink in. She’s too scared to even look at him for fear of what his expression will be. She’s certain he won’t be here much longer. How could he? Her life was so far from anything anyone could possibly want in their own.

Jude finds that its entirely possible he’d stopped breathing somewhere halfway through it all. He opens his eyes if only to release the tears from behind his eyelids. He has to raise his now empty hand to run over his face– some small reminder that they’re here now– not then. His body gives an uneasy shake as he forces himself to inhale again.

He looks over at her trying his hardest not to collapse under the weight of all he’d just experienced. She looks at though he might reach over and give her a black eye with the grimace she wears. Of course, he’d been right. This changed nothing– not for him and certainly not for them as a unit. If anything it only made him love and appreciate her more. He’d always known she was strong. She was a fighter by nature but– this was completely different. She was more than that– she was a survivor.

He forces himself to not openly sob in front of her the way he feels he needs to. He’s overwhelmed by both her emotions and his own but he struggles to keep himself level. He keeps waiting for her to open her eyes but it doesn’t happen. He decides its the perfect opportunity to show her just how wrong she is.

His hands find the sides of her face and he leans close enough to just barely touch his lips to hers– just to let her know he’s still there. As he retreat just enough to look at her once more, he finds that strange possessive behavior rising within him again. He kisses her again with more force this time. He can’t think of a good reason why any of what he just witnessed should drive him away– but still her mind races. When he breaks away and sits back this time, he opens his eyes to see her now frozen before him.

‘Would you please look at me?’ He asks almost sadly in his mind, his expression reading expectant– but wary. He’s worried that maybe he’d pushed her too far– maybe she’d been right and it hadn’t been a good idea.

She finally, slowly opens her eyes– squinting at first as though she’s not sure he’s still there. She blinks a few times and casts her eyes down, the shame she wears almost tangible. “I’m sorry…” She apologizes slowly, because she feels guilty for just being herself. Going over the memories of her past seem to have reawakened the knowledge within her of just how undeserving she is of his love.

He brings his hands to her face again, bringing her eyes level with his even if she fights to keep them away. “And I’m not sure why…” He confesses softly.

Her first instinct is to rattle off all of the reasons she has to apologize. That’s when she realizes just how genuine his words are. He doesn’t hate her, he’s not ashamed of her, he’s not disappointed, and he certainly doesn’t judge her. Above all, she can still feel the love radiating from him– the love for her. She wants to be confused, to act dismissive– but its so genuine. She can’t deny something that she feels herself coming directly from him. He isn’t just trying to comfort her or make her feel less stupid– he sincerely can’t understand why she feels the need to apologize to him.

She shakes her head, unsure of what to even say. Oddly, the first thing that comes to her mind is to thank him– for a great number of things. She’s so thankful that he hasn’t given up on her, that he’s still here, that he loves her– even if she can’t always understand why. She hesitates, her mind already seeming to set a clock to time how long it takes him to wake up and realize that he’s had enough.

Jude, never one to be called a fool– even if he couldn’t read every fear she has rushing through her mind– is quick to halt her from spiraling. “Stop, okay?” Its more of an order than a question. His head falls back, closing his eyes as he reminds himself to focus. He takes a deep breath, trying to decide what he could possibly say to prove himself to her. As he comes back down to face her, he shakes his head slowly. “When are you gonna realize–”

“Its just hard, okay?” She mumbles quickly in defeat, cutting him off. “You’ve seen it now– you know now.” She shifts to wrap her arms around her middle protectively. She wants to be angry at him for not understanding even after seeing it all firsthand. But then, she just feels embarrassed that she can’t do what he wants her to.

It isn’t until she speaks again that he considers that this has been beaten into her for so long she doesn’t even know how to operate differently. He just nods as he starts to wrap his mind around the idea that for the majority of her life– others had made her feel not only inadequate but also unworthy.

Since the age of five, he’d always thought he’d had it pretty rough. Emma still hasn’t even seen his own memories of childhood. He finds that he doesn’t even want to burden her with them now. While her upbringing had been largely different than his, they both shared in having a dark past. Still, despite his own, hers seems so much worse somehow.

Seeing as he’s never shy about knowing the processes firing through her mind– she feels it almost necessary that she read him now. She needs to know what he’s thinking of all of this– what he really feels. Emma had long since learned to expect very little from anyone interested in her romantically. They always seem to fall short and wind up letting her down. However, as she sits here trying to gauge where he is in the mess she’d thrust upon him– she’s surprised. Maybe by now she should know that he’s different. Maybe she should already know that Jude isn’t like those before him, and yet he baffles her.

He seems to manage it all with such ease as he works to understand her. There are no underlying emotions he tries to hide– no resentment. There are no ulterior motives or false fronts that he attempts to erect. He’s so ready and willing to let it be just what is. He has no intentions of forcing her to see things his way or to make her into anything she’s not. He just wants her to know how much he loves her; that nothing will ever change that.

Her eyes fall away again as her cheeks start to burn. They’d been friends for years and yet he still found ways to catch her off guard in only the best ways. She’s reminded of something a friend had said to her. That even if their future was etched in stone there were still going to be things she couldn’t anticipate. A smile catches at the corner of her lips. She’s too shy to even look at him but knows he can feel the emotions that flood her system.

He can feel her in his mind, seemingly looking for some kind of proof. Though of what, he isn’t sure. He doesn’t nothing to inhibit her from reading him. He continues thinking as he normally would. When she looks away, the same quiet smile playing across her lips he’d become so enamored with– he matches it with one of his own. There’s a deeper understanding that’s begun to form. As her emotions wash over him, he sends back his own which seem to fit hers as pieces of an intricate puzzle.

Nothing else is said aloud between them in this moment as he reaches to take her hands back into his own. They just sit facing each other, any tension from before having dissipated into nothing. He brings one of her hands up to his lips just so he can press them against it firmly before letting it fall back slowly.

‘I love you.’ His mind tells her again. He finds that it happens more and more often every day– seemingly every time he looks at her now.

This only elicits a small huff of air from her akin to silent laughter. She’s fairly certain that she’s turned bright red as her mind comes to life at the idea.

He only grins at her in response. ‘You don’t have to say it back…’

Her eye rise to his, as if stunned by the thought. It isn’t abnormal to communicate purely through telepathy for them but its become more common as of late.

‘But I do…’ She finally replies quietly.

Societal degrades and tax break incentives

I can't even stand to look at people that don't want to over throw the Government. If I even suspect they don't want to over throw the Government, I really start to hate em* quite a few people seem to have lost this moral highground somewhere in societal degrade city. Some people are extremely adamant about making the World a terrible place. Case Number 03938061: This is why nobody has safely advanced civillization. Now while every scumbag shitty retard therapist and police sergeant and satanic investor was thinking about a rebuttles to say how it's not ok overthrow the Government ,as well as every worthless asshole politician who is a dime a motherfucking dozen since the 70's or 80's and everybody's mommy and daddy was working for the stock market and everybody was just dying to work for a Chevy and Ford Honda and Toyota oil monopoly. I swear to God I better hear ever soldier and police officer and courtroom judge tell me and everybody else how great the representation is in America, and how great rampant abuses of psychiatric fraud and medical malpractice are. I need to hear how great it is to drug everybody with toxic medications and to see drug commercials everywhere because they are so important to corporate policy along with every single other societal degrade including psychotronic attacks on Civillians and big oil, smog,and toxic poisons and waste!, I need to hear how important it is that every asshole died for a piece of the pie in lobbyist funded corporate America, Because I was unfortunately being a victim of some type of traumatic mind control. There Are certain types of EMF,v2k, Sonic blackjack and or psychotronic weapons that I was attacked by. It may be monarch traumatic mind control. America the marketing capital of the fucking world. It causes traumatic amnesia, memory loss, repressed emotions that victims will be unable to process. It is horrible. Psychiatry and the DSM will not acknowledge these types of attacks even if a person can remember. This is a state of emergency for far too many people. Victims have been blacklisted even in the public school system. Some therapists are very well aware of how fraudulent psychiatry can be and the DSM . Attackers and gang or cult blacklist stalkers will take full advantage of this. Often times a victim may be trying to make a positive life change and will be drugged and or attacked by these destructive trauma weapons. I went to Pittsford Mendon graduated 95. Teachers have even set up students with these types of attacks to conspire against victims. Let me remind everyone in Satoris class I did say I wanted every mk ultra scientist shot in the head (twice). I said I wanted to run for Congress as well even if I just got the grant and marketed grassroots biofuel to vote on I would have crushed all enemy opposition. ) Usually inventory is taken on victims to see if they have any truly positive or safe connections. Familiy life included. Some families will set their children up or be so Ill equipped to deal with this that they may simply call it a mental illness which is not even close to acknowledging these issues. Some families endanger their kids by not helping them protect themselves. Either running or gunning. Some family members hold others back from truly protecting themselves.This causes very much loneliness, trauma and depression so others can later take advantage of the victim. There is no real protection in the news or media or any effective legislation for these types of attacks. I had many people falsely befriend me and when they saw me moving on they made sure I was stalked and attacked. People that had me attacked shortly after I moved 20 minutes to a new town called Pittsford. My dad was dead in less than a year. Gunjit Nathan J Berkebile grant Hammond. All lived on the street I moved to. Dale Goldstein jack watts had me stalked and watched in therapy people will even conspire to have people set up with therapists. Doyle just happened to move into my school after berkebile left. He's a satanic fuk. Doyle really needed people shot with these weapons so he could "deal" with them. I.got tricked into moving in with jeff and Kevin Wright and Milan and Doyle shot me with some type of hand held devices. It was after I moved in. My brother "introduced " me to Jeff, Tim and kevin. Had to be purposeful The Palmers on Roslyn street met Palmer at college at Alfred state . Jon ash I am pretty sure really followed me to college. I think that's what really happened. chris Milan justin figgarelli, conti Collins had Anne Corey followed me to my class at mcc jon Ash followed me to Alfred state. I had thought I made a friend of the Palmers. But it was not the case They so badly set me up. I knew them for years they plotted and suggested therapists through another source. At 145 south fitzhugh I was m.h. placed me thru case management Steve Pezel, Courtney Audino Cindy Kinyan and Jenn Moore were there to harass me after I was later shot months later. maybe I sat on a device it's very obvious when people get blasted by these weapons similar to EMF, psychotronics and v2k , Jordan Collins. Sean Driscoll, Chad Francis and Todd Francis as well as Jason Doyle had me hurt very badly with some type of device and Amy fien. Sometimes hand held Devices are used. They have people shot by these weapons and insult them or say terrible things to them and the victim loses their memory. Concentration, happiness, motivation and quality of life are very much effected. Teacher satori targeted me openly in class knowing I would suffer memory loss and nobody helped at all. Aeisha Ash wanted me attacked,,she said so in class. Weiss too. I wonder how many Jews are especially targeted like me. I even mentioned I was thinking of running for Congress. Nobody does sht in office anyway If law enforcement can't provide safety or put up a billboard people must protect themselves. There are far too many cover-ups and stovepiping so people are not nearly well enough informed. Any president could have protected his people a long time ago. Homeland security isn't really for the anything and what has the CIA done? budgets for nothing but societal degrades big pharma, big oil and false news in America. These are intolerable Grievances. Justin Figgarelli was always a disgusting sick fck. I never even entertained the idea of being friends with someone like that. This trauma is terrible people or victims sometimes will get messed up to the point that they fall into situations they had no intentions of getting into. Conti lived with figgarelli. Everybody knew I was really just not interested in Tim anymore. Doyle said when I was 19 a gang was going to come into my group therapy and I wasn't even thinking about group therapy at the time. It was when I was 26 when Watts came in met him at the Palmers barbecue when I was 22. Tim had me shot with some weapin to mess me up and Jessie got drugs from someone for Tim to give me. Age 22. I was working part time and going to school. There is no way my life would have gone this way without severe negative intervention. Those weapons really effect judgement. This is a conglomerate attack. This is so much of the reason society never progresses beyond a big oil company and medical fraud and dsmv malpractice. Does anybody think any of these people would have a decent job if they got shot a bunch of times with these types of weapons? I have memories as a kid of pretty strange stuff. People may find out things happened to a victim of traumatic events and say something like well how come I can't mess with them yet? — in Rochester, NY. Photo sometimes I just knew things as a kid like haarp and TENCAP. in the 80's. I think they may have sent information to me and then had me attacked. Jason Doyle when I was 19 told me he didn't care if I was going to be the most talented psychic in the world he just wanted to mess me up. I was getting shot. I actually remember songs that I knew and could partially here so many years before they came out. I dont think Earth or pf Chang's needs people like Jason Doyle alive at all. Or people like Fred or Jessie or Becky Palmer or this person and that other person and this one and that one or Anne Corey or definitely not Cindy Kinyan or Jenn moore or.. it's like Satan and Hitler just strolled in with some lobbyists and a marketing campaign. And rommell took a break from tank duty and bought an Abrahams. it's the song of Deborah. In the book of Judges most people didn't do anything. Psyops patches and badges nro literally remind me of my childhood and I never viewed them a normal way. I caught glimpses of them though