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technicallyvivi · 30 days

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NSFW WARNING!

wooyoung shower sex

its a cold day in the middle of december, you and wooyoung were on vacation and planned to go eat some korean barbecue with your friends mingi and jongho, who were waiting in their hotel room for you guys. you took your clothes out setting them on the bed so you could change into them later. “woo!” you called and his head popped out from the living room, he walked over and wrapped his hands around your waist. “yes princess, what do you need?” he asked getting a smile out of you. “do you want me to grab your clothes too?” he shook his head staring intently at your lips, “are you even listening?” he shook his head again kissing your neck softly, nibbling the skin under your ear. he moves his kisses up and smiles. “how about we take that shower together?” you roll your eyes but comply anyways and take his hand to lead him into the bathroom. its almost like no time had passed and you were both bare and pressed up against each other making out. wooyoung bit your bottom lip for entry but you pulled back, before he could protest you got into the shower and turned the water on, signaling him to join you. he hopped in and pushed you against the shower wall, you kissed him gently and pulled away. “make it quick.” he scoffed “i make the rules here angel. ill take however long i want.” his words make you feel small, vulnerable, and god do they make you wet. your pussy clenches around nothing as you start feeling more and more desperate, kissing isnt enough. “woo, p-please.” you beg holding onto his neck. he laughs “tell me what you want baby, use that pretty mouth of yours.” you close your thighs to rub them together hoping that itll relieve you to some extent. “in me.” you manage to say but hes already flipping you on your back and going in, raw. you grip onto nothing trying to steady yourself on the wall, its a miracle hes holding onto your hips tightly or you wouldve fallen. you whimper spreading your legs more and more until it almost hurts. “shh.. one second, let yourself adjust.” he says rubbing small circles on your hips and kissing down your back as he bottoms out. “ah..! f-fuck.” you exclaim when you feel him twitch inside you. “sorry pretty, tell me when youre ready.” you can tell hes trying to hold back. even though you cant see him you can imagine his eyebrows being furrowed as he tries to focus and not ram into you. “ready.” you say and with no hesitation he pulls out until just the tip is inside you, and pushes back in with forces making you bounce into the wall but he pushes your hips back onto him and starts building up a rhythm, your eyes tear up and its already getting too much even thought he just started. “i.. ah!! woo!” you moan trembling in his hands. “you’re taking me so good yeah? being such a good girl just for me to use you however i want.” you nod frantically letting him control you fully, his groans and grunts fill your head and everything feels foggy. “j-just for fuck! just for you!” you cry out holding onto the wall for support. he takes your hands and puts them behind your back, you already feel the knot in your stomach and he can tell, you clench tightly around him almost pushing him out, he hisses. “shit baby dont do that.” he holds you closer ramming into you faster and harder “mm so warm.” he grunts. and that’s when you hear it. the door opens and you panic trying to get up but wooyoung hold you down still fucking you rough. mingi’s voice can be heard pretty loudly “y/n?” he asks and you plead for woo to stop so you dont embarrass yourself. “arent you gonna answer him baby?” your legs tremble harder, partly from how hard but slow he’s still going and partly from the anxiety of mingi walking in on wooyoung having you bent over in the shower. your voice shakes but you manage to speak as clearly as it is possible when you’re getting fucked. “u-uh ngh.. yeah?” you answer speaking just as loudly as he did. wooyoung intertwined his fingers through your hair speeding up his pace but not going as hard. you whimper and whisper “woo..” you hear mingis footsteps and his voice is suddenly closer.

“are you okay?” he asks “y-yeah.” you cant help but stutter, “ask him what he wants.” wooyoung demands and you know better than to disobey him. “what do uh! do you want?” you can sense that mingi knows he’s interrupting something, he knows you all too well, he also knows wooyoung too well, you’re starting to get frustrated, wooyoung isnt fast enough and you need to cum, your high is so close but its not enough. you whimper a little too loud so he covers your mouth “shut up baby, dont want him knowing whats happening do you?” you shake your head. but like you said, mingi knows something is wrong, so he just decides to leave. “um nothing, ill just wait till you get to jongho and i’s place” and just like that his footsteps start moving further and further away, and the door locks. wooyoung kisses the back of your neck, leaving his mark and going back to his animalistic pace. “good girl. you did so good.” he growls in your ear and you cant take it anymore, you scream his name as loud as you can not even giving him a warning just cumming all over his fat cock. “ah! ah! wooyoung!” your legs shake violently and you chant his name repeatedly. you swear you can feel yourself swallow some water since your mouth is open so wide in a silent moan. it only takes wooyoung a couple thrusts to grip your hips as hard as he can and cum deep inside you, you can see it dripping down your thighs. “fuck.” he groans letting you go, he cant hold on much longer, his strength and energy giving out. so you both fall to sit at the bottom of the tub. he pulls you closer washing the cum off your thighs as gently as he can. “youre the most beautiful girl you know that right? the best just for me.” he smiles holding you close and washing you off.

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jaemified · 10 months

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through the window (21 days) - lee chan

“waiting 21 days isnt so bad if itll always end like this.”

pairing ; lee chan x fem!reader

genre ; fluff but pretty cheesy fluff, strangers to lovers, neighbors to lovers, not a smau but twt profiles are showed

warnings ; swearing, floods, isolation, separation, chans flirty (thats a warning in itself), reader has zero relationship experience

wordcount ; 2.7k

synopsis ; after a long series of floods, youre finally able to meet the boy across the street who had caught your eye throughout the long few weeks.

note - chan isnt an idol but minnie/soyeon are

note 2 - idk what chan is looking at in that pic

read below the cut !

DECEMBER 8, 2023

winter, also known as flood season.

the town where you lived in was already at a low altitude, so the bridge built to cross over the river to the other side of the street always had submerged during this time of year.

the thing that sucked the most about all this, was you were pretty much rained in for however long it takes for the water to drain with absolutely no way out.

so naturally, you all had came prepared.

your roommates minnie and soyeon never minded all the rain as they hated going in to work at the crack of dawn, yet you however, loved what you did. tutoring a kids after school program wasnt half as bad as the average person might think.

but, of course seeing as they were all a bunch of middle school kids, they could be a handful. you decided to listen to your friends and use these next few weeks to relax.

or, what you thought relaxing was.

“come on y/n! dont you wanna make strawberry shortcake with us?” minnie yelled at you over soyeons loud music while you studied over the next lesson plan for your kids.

“maybe later- i really wanna get a head start on these lessons.”

“seriously y/n?” soyeon murmured in slight disgust, “i seriously doubt the first thing those kids want to be thinking about is what they’re gonna do with their math tutor after a free half month.”

you shrugged and took a sip of your coffee before typing in the highlighted notes from the handbook into your computer.

“come on. youre not spending our one free break of the year like this again!” soyeon exclaimed as she snatched the book out of your hands, then closing your laptop before putting them both away in the cabinet under the tv.

“you know i can just get that myself right?”

“no, because i won’t let you.” she replied, locking the door and putting the key in her pocket.

“come on! im passionate about what i do, i dont mind it at all!”

“me and minnie are passionate about writing songs too, but even we know when its good enough to take a break.”

“okay i know i don’t work half as hard as idols do but i still have bills to come by! besides, corporate management demands i have the next lesson plan finalized before the end of the week!”

“corporates a bitch, they gotta be more mindful of how they treat their employees. like how do you be top tutoring company in the country and you still cant manage your employees the way they deserve?” minnie shouted in frustration.

“and dont worry about bills for now, we got it.” soyeon whispered to you.

“minnie- you realize cube is the same way to you guys right? and you work way harder then i do despite not getting the income you deserve.”

“yeah but we manage. we have a contract anyway. i know we’re passionate about what we do but we most certainly are not passionate about who we work for.” soyeon replied for minnie as she couldn’t hear over the sound of the blender (why was she using a blender again?)

you sigh soaking in how much pressure your friends are under at work, realizing you don’t even have it half as bad despite having a pretty shitty boss.

“how bout you find someone worth crossing an ocean for? itll be half as fun for us as itd be for you, since it’s in our contract we aren’t allowed to date.” minnie spoke after the whirring of the kitchen appliances died down.

“how.. we are entirely stranded until however long it takes for this stupid flood to drain.”

“do some stalking on insta. let’s find you like uh.. celebrity crush or ulzzang you can fan girl over or something.”

you scoffed in annoyance and slight disgust with your friends knowing you never really cared for any of that.

you decided to sit down at the bay window by the front door, scrolling through your phone before something outside caught your eye.

there you saw a guy across the way, sitting in his bay window just like you, he who seemingly just finished receiving a lecture from his friends.

you watched as he ran a hand through his fluffy dark brown hair, before he turned your way, your eyes locking.

immediately, it was part of your instinct to nervously turn away.

before slowly looking back, that is.

there you found the beautiful brown haired boy, still looking at you, with a golden smile.

your heart melted (but you thought you were having palpitations) when you saw him look at you so fondly.

what is this feeling?

you slowly raise a hand, and wave to him shyly.

he waved back, before forming a heart with his arms he held over his head.

you laughed quiet enough so your friends couldn’t hear you, but your facial expressions were bright enough so he could be aware he was able to make you laugh.

the boy laughed in response before he seemed to mouth something, but you weren’t the best at reading lips.

you tilted your head in confusion before he jokingly rolled his eyes, and saying it again, but slower.

“cu-tie.” you realized he said, or attempted to say.

“cu-tie?” you sounded out, making sure you understood right.

he nodded before pointing at you, his finger tapping against the glass, “cutie.”

he absolutely reveled in the way you smiled so brightly, the way your cheeks flushed pink and your eyes sparkled with excitement.

you didnt even realize how you were falling for his charms.

before you were even able to say anything back, his friend came up from behind him, attempting to drag him away, yet the guy was still persistent.

you watched how his friend started to get angry, so the guy rolled his eyes and stood up, walking away with his friend down the hall.

but not before waving back at you, blowing a kiss.

you got up from your seat before wrapping your arms around minnie, resting your head on her shoulder while you spared a small glance at whatever soyeon was watching in the living room.

“hmm? what do you need now my child?” she dramatically questioned, as she knew you only got clingy when you needed something.

“whos that guy that lives across the.. on the other side of the bridge? in that dark brown house with the black roof?”

“oh? house 133 right? thats seokmin, minghao, and.. what’s the other ones name? I always forget.. chan! yeah, chan.”

soyeon jumped up in surprise, pausing her show after hearing you pique your interest at a guy for the first time.

“why? you like one of them? which one? minghao? he was pretty well liked for a foreigner. he was in the same exchange program as minnie. ” she excitedly asked.

“w-what? no! i was just asking cause i saw one of them out there earlier.” you unconvincingly lied.

“oh she totally likes minghao.” “not even!”

“sweetheart, we aren’t as dumb as you think we are.” minnie pouted at you while she pulled away to put the cake in the oven.

you huffed in disbelief before going to take a bag of chips from the pantry, walking down to your room to finish the lesson plan. (on the laptop your boss lent you since soyeon took your personal one).

meanwhile, there you left chan, day dreaming about you all day long. he was so curious about you, yet he felt so stupid for crushing on some girl he’d never spoken to before.

not like he even could at this point, you were stuck in the middle of a flood, anyway.

“whats on your mind channie? you seem out of it.” seokmin asked while he blindly stirred the tteokbokki, turning to face the younger boy behind him, sitting at the kitchen island.

“its chan. whens he not out of it?” minghao chuckled, throwing a chip at his cheek, sliding to sit over at the stool next to him as he emerged from his bedroom.

“who lives in that white house on the other side of the bridge? isnt that where soyeon lives? we went to high school together.” chan half-mindedly queried, zoning out as he stared into the marble counters.

“yeah, why?” minghao responded.

“did she move out or something? there was another girl there and it wasnt soyeon or minnie.”

“oh, you mean y/n? she graduated a year before you or something, but at another school. we used to work at the same tea house before she left for that tutoring agency.”

“y/n? sounds vaguely familiar. i think i remember seungkwan mention her being in his class.”

“why are you mentioning her all of a sudden? you never cared for girls.” seokmin teased with a wide smile.

“oh come on. you know he’s quite the flirt.” minghao playfully cooed at chan, dramatically waving his hand back at seokmin.

“you two are insufferable.” he groaned, banging his head against the counter.

you found yourself up at night, scrolling through twitter before you decided to search for the guy you ‘met’ today. minghao, was it?

‘xu minghao’ was what you had entered into the search bar, clicking on the top result.

‘myunghoez’

‘huh.’ you thought to yourself. so it couldnt be him, but seokmin didnt seem to have an account as you searched for his name.

you looked up chans name next, thinking maybe,, that there could be a chance it’s him. his profile picture was technically him, but not, him. but in your defense, how could you tell who was who if chans profile picture was a baby picture?

though you knew youd never hear the end of it from her, you decided to ask soyeon.

“do you have a picture of chan?”

“yeah hold on. its just an old screenshot from an old tweet though.” she mumbled before pulling up her phone to show you.

‘wow.’ you thought to yourself, ‘so this really was the guy i met today.’

before soyeon could ask any questions, you quickly thanked her and ran back to your room before posting a small something in reference to what minnie had said to you earlier.

days, weeks, went by of you and chan interacting through the window despite never seeing each other up close, or ever hearing the others voice.

but despite being isolated from separately, you still had fallen for one another nonetheless.

you loved the way you would feel butterflies in your stomach whenever he made a heart with his hands for you, and he absolutely adored the way you in the end would just make a big sign telling him what you wanted to say when you gave up on trying to get him to read your lips.

of course the flood had its downside, i mean being stuck with the same 2 other people for almost a month definitely takes a toll on you, isolation definitely can get depressing with no way out.

but in the end, it had its upside as well. you were able to meet a great guy despite never technically talking face to face, having only lip reading to communicate (why didn’t you think of social media?). not to mention you were able to put more time into a forgotten passion after all of your energy being used up as a tutor.

marine animals.

you and chan had technically discussed the idea of possibly having a first date when you get out of here, yet you still hadn’t decided where you’d go or what you’d do seeing as you both were pretty passionate about different things.

chan had always loved the stars, you had always loved marine life. but, you decided you would finalize a date night once you both get to meet face to face.

DECEMBER 29

after a long 21 days of disappointment, spending christmas without your family, 3 going on 4 weeks of crazed loneliness, you finally woke up one morning to find the overflowing river, drained, and to its regular level.

you were able to see the bridge once more and though the wood might be rotting, you just couldnt wait to cross it.

you immediately ran down the hall, dressing however best you could, fixing your hair to be as best as it would go, being sure to brush your teeth and pop in a mint before running straight out the door. (and ignoring all of soyeons questions as well as minnies protests)

as you stepped out the front door, you saw chan just leaving his house looking as beautiful as ever.

you ran straight for the bridge, chan catching you before you could slip on a puddle before he picked you up into a big hug.

“you’re just as gorgeous up close as you were through a window.” he whispered as he pulled you close, his hand cradling the back of your head, pulling it to rest against his chest.

“and you’re still just as much of a flirt arent you?” you chuckled before slightly cringing at your attempt to reciprocate the excitement.

you were excited, believe me, just couldn’t express it as well as he could.

“i cant believe it took 21 days to finally be with you.”

“it was worth the wait wasnt it?”

“you’ll always be worth the wait.” chan mumbled against your skin as he pressed a soft kiss into your cheek.

“cant believe you’re real..” you mumbled, leaning further into his touch.

“cant believe i got someone like you to fall for someone like me.”

“chan you’re so cheesy.”

“only for you.” he replied with that stupid grin you grew to love so much.

the two of you later took the time to talk more about life, each other, finally exchange numbers, then eventually decide what you’d do for your first date night.

“see you tomorrow at 12?”

“tomorrow at 12.”

DECEMBER 30

you practically couldn’t sleep as you bubbled in excitement. you picked out a pretty black dress that went nicely with a random pair of white sneakers before heading out on your way while your roommates were out at work.

“lookin as pretty as always.” chan smiled while he opened his car door for you.

“still as handsome as ever arent you?” you jokingly rolled your eyes as he backed out the parking lot.

you two had many common interests, yet what you were most passionate about definitely was pretty parallel to one another.

chan loved the stars, you loved the sea. so, you decided to go to an aquarium (that also included solar system exhibits), grab some food from a cafe you found out you both loved, go for a late drive to the beach, watch the sunset, then stargaze.

call it cliche but it was perfect for you both.

chan wrapped an arm around you as you both stared into the night sky, all the stars displayed beautifully.

he would point at a random star and say it reminded him of you, because it stood out from the rest, distinct, but perfect in his eyes.

he was the sweetest guy ever, perfectly fitting the standard for what’s considered boyfriend material, almost unrealistic, even.

“youre a person worth crossing an ocean for.” you told him more then truthfully, bringing a hand up to softly stroke his cheek.

“out of all the stars in the sky, youre the only one id pick.” he cringed realizing how corny it was. “too cheesy?”

“just enough.” you reassured, before sealing both yours and his lips into a warm and comforting kiss. chan had never felt safer in another’s embrace.

“waiting 21 days isnt so bad if itll always end like this.”

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videostak · 10 months

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OK now i know why ppl dont drive stick... soooo fkn scary today for realll. i mean idk its just hoorrifying . i wanna learn and like nothings changed i just need to practice more but driving to the mall today was soo scary honestly tho the most horrifying thing was me having trouble getting my rear view mirros right LOL like i was scared for my life when i noticed i pulled to the side and went in a parking lot to fix them to the best of my ability. i think its good now but even aside from that eveyrhint is so scary ._. also was at the mall for like 3 hrs cause the ppl i was sellign the stuff to were like “honestly the longest itll take us to look thru your stuff will be like at most an hour we’ll text u when we’re done” then like 2 hrs went by and i asked them and they were like “ohhh yaa we totally forgot abt yours uhhh we’ll do it rn” -_- so i was rly there for a long time and ran out of things to do and was sleepy n shit. im so sleepy rn but have to pick up my sister in a hour or so T-T either way i learned i dont think im quite ready to go thru big streets yet n stufff i still need lots of practice was def like the fight for my life there anyways literally jam packed exhausting day today just got home and only get like an hour of relaxing before having to drive again! soooo sleepy i mean i think i could do it soon i just have to rly practice and not get nervous n stuff the fact they had me standing there for three hours rly made me tired and made the drive home real nerve wracking. deff lots of practice i need to do n stuff but like all things considered i did well. looked it up and u can go from neutral to 2nd if the car hasnt slowed down enough to be in first so thats neat to kno hopefully thatll save me lol. like thats what i was messing up w/ but like idk i did it and survived! lol. i think only 1 guy honked at me when the car rocked a bit but i think he just did that cause he was like wtf dude lol. or cause i didnt shift into 2nd quick enough so he wanted me to go faster. tho like yaaa also greaet finds today for average prices at book off got get yer ya yas out on CD :D and singular adventures of style council fuuuuck yea. they werent there last time i went so they mustve just been put out and both great things i really have been looking for literally just listened to ya yas on yt the other day ive rly been in a stones mick taylor mood lately

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curiouskurona · 2 years

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vil not knowing that deuce and epel are dating ( bc they are actively hiding it from him lol ) so he sets epel up with some famous and / or high class guy . maybe a fellow model or actor he met on set thats epel's age , or someone from a nobel / important family

obviously epel refuses , but vil insists

" you always dig your heels , but you end up having a good time , no ? just give it a chance , you might end up surprising yourself with how much you like him . if you dont want to go on a second date i wont push you " he reasons

epel doesnt know wether or not he should tell deuce about it , especially since he doesnt plan on this going past a first date anyways , however he decides that being honest and straightforward is best

deuce isnt ,, thrilled about it . but epel promises that itll only be one date , and it doesnt mean anything , and he'll be thinking of deuce tha whole tiem

deuce doesnt liek seeing epel being forced into an uncomfortable situation , but its not liek they can tell vil about them , so he kisses epels knuckles and looks him in tha eyes and says " i trust you "

" and if he tries anything funny , just call me and i'll come running " he does his Delinquient Pose™ . if it was anyone else epel would have been annoyed-- he can handle himself thank you very much-- but he knows that coming from deuce its out of comradery and care

they kiss , and epel has to go back to his dorm to get ready

the date goes well enough , but only because epel knows word will get back to vil if he's outright rude to tha guy . and its not liek tha guy has done anything wrong [yet?] , so really he shouldn't be too hard on tha poor sod . plus he probably doesnt want to make such an influential enemy

deuce is worried all evening , pacing back and forth in his room . he told epel that he trusted him , and he does . but he cant help but worry ,,

ace and grim convince him that its for tha best to go check up on epel , just to maek sure he's okay ( wether or not they know tha situation , i'll leave up to you . they purrobably figure deuce has a crush on epel , at least )

tha guy totally isnt epels type . hes snooty and self-absorbed , and epel just about threw his drink in his face wen he saw him roll his eyes at tha waitstaff ( theyre at some fancy restaurant , of course ) , but he bit his tongue and stayed in his seat . just maek it through tha night , epel ,,

tha guy lieks epel though . he mistook epel biting his tongue as being cutely shy , or perhaps elegant and demure , what a quiet and enigmatic beauty ,,

adeuce and grim can only watch from outside through a window ( lbr they arent getting in lol with what money . plus they didn't maek a reservation ) . ace n grim want to do some sitcom-y shenanagins liek pretending to be waiters to spy on tha date , but deuce holds them back

eventually tha meal is finished , and tha pair leave tha restaurant , adeuce + grim frantically scrambling out of sight . tha guy walks epel home , and tha trailing trio keep a respectable distance , popping up from bushes and trashcans liek in a cartoon

wen they get back to [ campus ? tha dorms ?? or if u want this to be an AU just back at vil n epels apartment or something . or mansion . insert location here ] tha guy tries to snag a kiss , but epel leans back and turns his face away

guy : " ah , of course-- i shouldnt rush things . i hope i didnt scare you , my delicate flower " * brushes epels hair behind his ear *

epel : * excalibur cringe *

epel has to break it to him that this was just a one tiem thing . honestly itd be easier to just ghost him but epel isnt that type . " listen , i appreciate your tiem , but i really dont think we should keep seeing eachother . get home safe , goodnight "

deuce is secretly relieved and also is watching intently . if this guy tries to give epel shit bc he got rejected ,,

theres an awkward silence but thankfully tha guy is just liek " well . i seem to have misread tha situation . good day " and speedwalks outta there w a strained smile , purrobably embarrassed . hes kind of a prick but i feel a lil bad 4 him lol awkwaaaaard

idk it was kinda hard to figure out how i wanted to end this , i could see this going many different ways and towards tha end i could feel myself spinning my wheels . id be fine if this ended @ tha 7th bullet point honestly but i wanted 2 do moar ,, im not entirely satisfied but ive got nothin bettr atm lol . i didnt rlly focus on tha concept of deuce n epel hiding their relationship from vil enough , i think

anyways . maybe tha guy cant stop thinking about epel and keeps trying for another date , sending flowers and chocolates and stuff , much to deuces displeasure . vil immediately enters protective mode n tells tha guy to back off lol . epel isnt interested so bye

or maybe tha tabloids caught pics of them and now epel is on a bunch of magazine covers . mystery date makes [ popular guy ] swoon ? vil schoenheit's protege entering tha showbiz world as a charming young bachelor ? does bruno mars is gay ?

epel and deuce spend tha next few days lounging around reading headlines to eachother and laughing about it

also cuddling a lot . bc deuce loves epel and he didnt liek seeing him w someone else and he just wants 2 b close to him

unfortunately for both of them , vil might find som other ppl to set epel up with . why lose this momentum ? epel could be tha next big thing , and there's certainly a lot of interest / suitors now

gl @ nearly everyone in this situation LOL

#epel felmier #deuce spade #vil shoenheit #epeldeuce #deucepel #listen apple juice is a cute ship naem but i NEED yall 2 understand tht thats not practical jdkskdGQKFKPAJDLBLA #twst #twisted wonderland #ace trappola #grim twst #grimm twst #oh shite i spelled vils naem wrong jdkcHKSKGLAJDLGLVA #vil schoenheit #uploads

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whorewithagodcomplex · 1 year

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sweetheart,

i love ya, but I'm not doing that for the rest of my life, no sir,

everyone knows not to marry into that, and its kinda common sense not to date someone with your type of addiction and just walk away, like we all know its never gonna work if youre constantly making your partner feel like shit because youre always lusting of the things you so desperately want, and yeah you may say that 'your're better, real, youre my love theyre just pictures, theyre just videos, ect) but we all know you wish it was them you could have when your gazing longingly and thirstly at those pictures, you create relationships with all these women, i just happen to be in person version added to the collection, its nasty, and its horrible knowing this will likely never change, cause its 'not that bad' its 'a comfort thing' 'i was alone for so long' and i have to live feeling like im always competing with them, i cant escape them, im so fucking tired of being paranoid that the person i love is going to always be looking at something more appealing, its awful, that constant pit in your stomach everytime hes lookin at a female character a little too closely, or when the girls are everywhere for him, camera roll, most social media, even his wallpapers on all devices, sure theres a photo of you two, sure as a homescreen but its really just a sunset photo and we're hidden in a low corner hidden by apps, and the never paying that close attention to you, you learn as much as you can about him listen to every word he says but doesnt care to know about you, with the exception of major plot points he knows nothing about what you like and why you like it, its either you rarely get a chance to speak, or youre perpetually cut off, or just simply ignored when speaking about yourself, but, he knows everything they say, knows every little detail, their backstories are phenominal and look how hot they are, he wont really say that to you anymore youve shown you dislike, but you know, you always know, so you try your best to be pretty and good enough to be wanted like he wants them, but you never get wanted like that, to be fair you never did, this was the first time someone is showing they love you and want you, but of course if i wasnt wantable before him what makes me wantable now? yknow all his needs are met by them and his ablilty to do so much with them that he feels no need to pay any mind to you beyond the physical and guidance, yeah he loves you, you know that hes shown that, but is it worth the mental and emotional exhaustion it takes to fight for a normal relationship? one where we both feel happy? i know theres no way he isnt miserable too, the contant bickering the anxiety of fucking up, but c'mon man, if you cope properly, like by speaking (without lashing out) to someone when things are too much, not falling further into an obsessive chemical pick-me-up addiction and honestly this sex obsession, youd do so much better, but you wont because its one of them hidden addictions that no one but your friends and people youre close to know about, by your choice, and you think that means its totally fine, because I'll stick around regardless right? cause i have this long and im making life plans with you and i love you more than youll ever know and as long as i dont see it' or notice it its fine, it wont kill me, youll keep going until im about to cut my losses and you promise and youll try you really will, but itll creep back and we'll be back at square one, or youll get better at hiding it from me, youre already pretty good at it now, ill bet money that if i got 3 hours and all your passwords id find cia sized files everywhere and id puke and cry myself to sleep for months, and i know youll only get better at it, and i dont want to be paranoid that your girls are still around my whole life, what kind of example am i setting for my daughters if i just let myself live like that, god id kill my son-in-law if he made her feel like that, honestly id kill him for most of the things youve done, so why am i letting it happen to me???

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just-some-random-blogger · 1 year

Note

part TT 3 TT (HGHJJD i made it accidentally) for the cutie angel! i got back to karekare 'i was so confused why it was called that because tuwalya is towel ??' yes! i searched for it too and was so confused... glad you like it. 'do we even have ox in the ph?' HSHDJFJFJ good question. 'YOU SHOULD HAVE STRING BEANS' yeah yeah we do. i got a bit confused bc i know we have string beans but they dont look just like in your pic. but we do. but i still didnt know pechay.. 'PLS YOU HAVE EGGPLANTS IM SURE' ARE WE PLAYING SOME GUESS A VEGETABLE GAME?? TT 'banana blossoms' i never was good at biology but this... 'NOW WE BOTH LEARNED SOMETHING' are we classmates now? 'every day i get to eat karekare is a special day' awww cute TT idk if i have a special meal. 'i felt way better about them now that ive finished ranting about it' ooh im so glad im able to help you in some way. you can always tell me whatever you want! emotions need to be released. and woah uncle sam? ill remember it thanks... this kitty in the gif TT so vimpare-ish djdjsh. a cutie. im so sorry for your disappeared text. its good you shared this all in the next message, it was interesting to know about dream. 'our grades are so high standard. /: asians' yes... no there are lots of strict and demanding parents too but ig were just much worse as children... 'i love pluto lets talk about pluto' ooh i love astronomy!! plutos such a baby planet TT idk how they call it in english. im so mesmerized by space... its kinda scary but is so fascinating... i remember the first time i saw a constellation from my window i was stunned! amazed! so excited! it was the big dipper btw. violence sucks. 'tell me about your daemon fic now' hmhmhm dont know. i kinda feel like it might be a bit challenging for you? im not saying you cant do it but its kinds not your format. bc ig its rather long? and it requires more of 3rd person pov or daemos pov. i can continue teasing it fhsfh. it includes some angst and an inner conflict. ig its the main point even. but ok, write your sandman fics. 'hope you liked my daemon x niece fic' tbh daemon x niece isnt my thing in general. idk maybe i subconsciously associate it with daemyra. yes daemon x his twin is my guilty pleasure so what. but i still love the idea of making all big and arrogant men feel little and miserable. so yeah. and the ocs who can stand for themselves! yey! hope shell become queen ghjdjf. 'I dont mean to be that person' you have all the right to be this person. anger is ugly but a natural reaction to irritating events. hope you slept well ghdjfh. andand! i was so excited to see smn ask about part 3 of waiting for a lifetime TT noy only bc of your answer but also bc someone is interested! smn waits for it! i feel so proud. people are really sleeping on this masterpiece. hope itll get more love. and it still wont be enough to surpass the amount of love i have for this fic. no but... i was listening to a mockingbird by eminem and had an idea. imagine. daemon coming back home from flea bottom, drunk, hair disheveled and reeking of the cheap feminine perfumes. hes standing at the door and watching his wife stand by the window rocking his child, singing a lullaby about daddy being here and loving them wholeheartedly. and while they dont fight, he sees the betrayal in her scornful eyes. sorry, i couldnt help it. so! have a nice day/evening/night! take care! luv you <з

HI!!! this me in snow the moment i see snow

i got back to karekare 'i was so confused why it was called that because tuwalya is towel ??' yes! i searched for it too and was so confused... glad you like it.

HAHAHHAAHAH we truly are the same AHHAHAHHAH

'do we even have ox in the ph?' HSHDJFJFJ good question.

AHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA i mean we have carabao so ??? but according to the net its a water buffalo HAAHH

'YOU SHOULD HAVE STRING BEANS' yeah yeah we do. i got a bit confused bc i know we have string beans but they dont look just like in your pic. but we do. but i still didnt know pechay..

ah that makes sense for our veggies to be different. dw i already foresaw you not having pechay HAHAH

'PLS YOU HAVE EGGPLANTS IM SURE' ARE WE PLAYING SOME GUESS A VEGETABLE GAME?? TT

WELL NO BUT YOU DIDNT ANSWER THE QUESTION DO YOU HAVE EGGPLANTS ❓❓❓❓❓❓❓

'banana blossoms' i never was good at biology but this...

same AHHAHHAH but my grandma's sister who's dead now RIP lola (filipino for grandma) she used to be a science teacher i think she was a biologist and our house (which is the house she and my grandma lives in) has so many specimens like seashells sea horses butterflies lizards lol we threw them all out because well its been in the house for 20+ years T_T im sure some of them are older than me T_T so yeah

'NOW WE BOTH LEARNED SOMETHING' are we classmates now?

classmates in life

'every day i get to eat karekare is a special day' awww cute TT idk if i have a special meal.

nom nom every meal is special! karekare is just ultra mega special to me dammit now im hungry T_T

'i felt way better about them now that ive finished ranting about it' ooh im so glad im able to help you in some way. you can always tell me whatever you want! emotions need to be released.

<3 thank you. youre so right emotions need to be released. here's a kind of embarrassing story. i used to have a crush on my philosophy teacher T_T HAHAHAHA he was quite close to our age, he was a fresh graduate and idk T_T its cringey now that i think about it but he had this thing about him and i in fact HATED HIM whereas my classmates were like omg sirs so hot i love him T_T and the more i talked about how i hated him my classmates were like omg hannah you like him and i was like ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? YUCK NO so then ... when i realized i liked him but refused to tell anyone i bottled it up and liked him more and more and i fucking wrote poetry about him because it was the only way i could get it out of my system and the day i admitted i liked him it slowly went away and i was like DAMN I SHUDDA JUST STARTED WITH THAT

end scene

and woah uncle sam? ill remember it thanks...

HAHAHAH UR WELCOME HAHAHAH

this kitty in the gif TT so vimpare-ish djdjsh. a cutie.

<3 i love cats <3

im so sorry for your disappeared text. its good you shared this all in the next message, it was interesting to know about dream.

WHY ARE YOU APOLOGIZING ARE YOU TUMBLR /: if you are yuck unfriend HAHAH JK I LOVE TUMBLR <3 and anyway i did this because i love you <3

'our grades are so high standard. /: asians' yes... no there are lots of strict and demanding parents too but ig were just much worse as children...

T_T #breakgenerationaltrauma

'i love pluto lets talk about pluto' ooh i love astronomy!! plutos such a baby planet TT

IM LUV PLUTO T_T T_T #FOREVERMY9THPLANET random thing i remembered. theres this show called blues clues idk if you know it but its my fav show ever T_T and they had this free pc cd game from a cereal box (WHICH THEY DONT DO ANYMORE PLS THAT SO L CEREAL MANUFACTURERS GET BACK IN YOUR GAME) and it was there that i think i started my love for the heavenly bodies because in the game you'd go to a treehouse and talk to like cartoons of planets T_T

and i remember learning that mars had 2 moons msladashlhalhew AND MY POOR MIND WAS BROKEN T_T like on a real level i was so frustrated with this knowledge because i thought well, earth has one moon and we have one night, so since mars had 2 moons... they have two nights T_T AND I WAS TRYING SO HARD TO FIGURED IT OUT I DONT REMEMBER BUT maybe i cried T_T because i couldnt figure it out. im so happy they didnt add the other planets moons or that like jupiter had 9999999999+ moons cos my baby brain would have exploded.

this also reminds me of this time i either was coloring or i read a post which was like you cant think of a color that doesnt exist and then i tried and this i remember vividly crying because T_T I WAS SO FRUSTRATED and then i was like PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER HANNAH #1 UR NOT GOD #2 YOU DONT HAVE TO INVENT A NEW COLOR and then all of a sudden i was fine hallelujah

idk how they call it in english. im so mesmerized by space... its kinda scary but is so fascinating... i remember the first time i saw a constellation from my window i was stunned! amazed! so excited! it was the big dipper btw.

?YOU CAN MAKE OUT THE CONSTELLATIONS!!!?? ?? wow i cannot theyre all just... dots in the sky. i remember i had this dream where i went up to a high building and then i could see the stars eye level and could finally make out the constellations and then when i woke up i was like YAY I FINALLY wait... thats not how that works T_T

violence sucks.

REAL

'tell me about your daemon fic now' hmhmhm dont know. i kinda feel like it might be a bit challenging for you? im not saying you cant do it but its kinds not your format. bc ig its rather long? and it requires more of 3rd person pov or daemos pov.

I LOVE A CHALLENGE AHHAHAHAH i dont mind writing in different perspectives

i can continue teasing it fhsfh. it includes some angst and an inner conflict. ig its the main point even. but ok, write your sandman fics.

DAMN YOU WONT TELL ME /: ok then ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ sandman fics it is

'hope you liked my daemon x niece fic' tbh daemon x niece isnt my thing in general. idk maybe i subconsciously associate it with daemyra. yes daemon x his twin is my guilty pleasure so what.

T_T HIS TWIN T_T thats fine you can like them or not valid either way it think only cos targaryens

but i still love the idea of making all big and arrogant men feel little and miserable. so yeah. and the ocs who can stand for themselves! yey! hope shell become queen ghjdjf.

i mean she's the younger sister no HOLLUP NOW I GOTTA CHECK well apparently the req never specified if she was younger or older but idk i imaged her to be younger so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

'I dont mean to be that person' you have all the right to be this person. anger is ugly but a natural reaction to irritating events. hope you slept well ghdjfh. andand!

i did sleep well i think. i was mostly tired not so much angry when i typed this

i was so excited to see smn ask about part 3 of waiting for a lifetime TT noy only bc of your answer but also bc someone is interested! smn waits for it! i feel so proud.

AW THANK YOU BABY <3 i was excited to see the ask too!!!

people are really sleeping on this masterpiece. hope itll get more love. and it still wont be enough to surpass the amount of love i have for this fic.

that means the world <3

no but... i was listening to a mockingbird by eminem and had an idea. imagine. daemon coming back home from flea bottom, drunk, hair disheveled and reeking of the cheap feminine perfumes. hes standing at the door and watching his wife stand by the window rocking his child, singing a lullaby about daddy being here and loving them wholeheartedly. and while they dont fight, he sees the betrayal in her scornful eyes.

T_T WAHHHHHHHHHHHHH I ACTUALLY SAW THIS AS I WAS SCROLLING UP TO THE TOP AND GAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH I WANT TO WRITE IT I WANT TO WRITE IT im going to write it im adding it to my queue HAHAHHAAH ACTUALLY FUCK THAT IM WRITING IT RN ok no icant i want to write dream fic ANYWAY F:LHASHFLSA I WANT TO WRITE IT

sorry, i couldnt help it.

T_T BAD INFLUENCE BUT ALSO BRILLIANT MIND

so! have a nice day/evening/night! take care! luv you <з

im luv u so much my love love love love

xxx

#anon ask #my beloved anons #modern!daemon anon #ask #modern!daemon nonnie

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lettersformiah · 2 years

Text

9:12am, 20 june

hi bubba! in english atm. ive had a morning and a half. late to school hehe. had to sign in at the office bc i saw maia with the little attendance slip that relievers have. signed in and rocked up. the reliever is nice, he is chill. nice enough yk? youre at your first placement rn! so shit you had to wake up so early for it. n you have to do it the next two days as well. like eek. but youre amazing so i trust youll be fine. or even better than fine. i believe in you. just shit that i cant text you hehe. but its okay cause i have the letters and music and fifty internals to focus on. did i tell you french was also spoken? im terrible at french pronunciation. what can you do i guess. my kiwi mouth cant get around the fact that french is just gurgling. hopefully ill be fine.

wearing your hoodie at school ^-^ its nice and big and warm. i love it so much. im wearing so many layers bc its so cold. or not even that cold. so windy. and wind makes everything cold. got my stockings on, your hoodie, the big fleece jacket, and socks >:) which i dont think you are meant to wear with stockings, but fuck it, im cold and my shoes are thin. the wind is fucking up my hair too. so dog of mother nature fr.

what else? oh! friday is matariki. or maybe its not? i dont know. friday is the public holiday for matariki, so thats good enough for me. thursday is a half day bc they are doing the celebration at school from 1-5. (however it means p3 on thursday is like a full school assembly) i think im meant to go to the celebration? i think i will from like 3-5 maybe. if you dont miss me too much. but youd probably be asleep knowing you. will see i guess heh. i just know my friends were interested in going. i still have dance though, so maybe i go and then leave at like 4:40? thats when the bus is and itll take me straight to dance. just gotta be sneakily wearing my dance clothes or take a bag. we will see! sounds like a good plan though, if i do say so myself.

i really can keep writing forever hehe! apparently always having something to say translates well into letters too! id be so good with a diary. but i think one entry would be like 40 pages long. so maybe its for the best this is online. saves me some hand cramps.

i love you! and im excited for drama! having our war piece kinda finished is good. but getting the guys to work its kinda very hard when they arent feeling it. but we definitely need to perform soon. the original plan was to have it be done at the end of term 1. its almost been like 3 months since that? thats some shit timing. but tbf im glad we have the time to work on it, i want it to look good. but i dont mind not getting an excellence, but i know leo wants it. which is fair. hoping all goes well and the boys focus up. ill let you know.

it was nice waking up to you this morning :*] wish it could be like that irl and every day yk? i dont think i was very good at conversation, i barely remember it but i remember definitely slurring my words a teeny bit. sleepy maddi things.

ive been writing this letter for like thirty minutes. crazy how the time flies when i just talk. tbf whenever i talk just about my day it takes about 3 hours to get through! and i didnt even get to tell you about yesterday and the full on day i had! and havent even mentioned watching the end of the summer i turned pretty with rem and hos and jazz or playing dnd! gosh theres so much to talk about i could go on forever. im happy you love that about me. im very lucky. youre a great listener which is perfect because im a great talker. love you bubba.

i should go i think. got other posts to make and some english to pretend i did. i love you, hope the placement is going okay and you havent fallen asleep injecting someone yet.

talk soon,

-mads<3

#letters

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wanderrlust0 · 1 day

Text

sudden rant turned spiral lol oops

my friend got tickets to see hozier aka andrew their wife and basically got them for us since i said id be down to go. personally im not like a fan where id go see him but id say im a casual listener. like i knew a good amount of songs. i loveee cherry wine and others. now that we have this concert coming up on june 7, ive become a listener. i gotta prepare and all that yknow. cant go to andrew unprepared. also..idk how?! but i was not aware of his thick irish accent.. loll and i mean, even in his new album, he sings with a clear accent?? idk how i never noticed before honestly. so yeah, im curious to know what a hozier concert will be liikeeee. this will be my second concert this yr and they both involve me going bc a friend asked me to go for company lol. i am going to another in august w my bf to see porter robinson and thats actually one i will really enjoy!! itll also be our first like “edm” dance music type concert so itll be so cool. its at the same stadium that hozier will be at as welllll..but you see, what im procrastinating is telling my bf im going w my friend. my friend who hes not a fan of. the one who he thinks is a Threat! D: ive been knowing for likee 2 weeksish and havent said a single word about it agdjfkfl but i am calling it now.. i. will. tell. him. tomorrow. period. no ifs ands or buts. i need to stop worrying and just rip the bandaid off. once i do tho, im still gonna feel anxious bc literally The NEXt WEEk we will most likely go to my (ex)coworkers second party. (the one who threw a halloween party and i didnt know if wed go but we were already hanging out that day so i mentioned it prior and we ended up having enough time and the girls house was very close to me so we ended up dropping by and i told elias right then and there so it was very last minute and kind of fucked up of me but ive developed an avoidance thing towards him if it has to do with snow bc of everything and thats why now i cant help myself from feeling nervous to ever bring them up around him bc im scared he’ll revert back and not love me and start resenting me and leave me and be mean to me and make me feel lonely and accuse me of things and say its my fault i started the friendship in the first place and that im not committed to him and dont love him anymore and everything else under the sun bc hes got trust issues which is a pain and he’ll go from loving me so hard to not in a quick minute if he starts thinking the worst possibilities and i just cant handle all of that and tbh its nothing new so ive grown to understand the process and that itll pass but it really does suckk and it can turn into a turn off and then he becomes emotionally unavailable and then i become emotionally annoyed and then its a constant reoccurring cycle that doesnt always look the same but they follow the same theme which is trust and every time it happens i want to shout at his ex for causing him to develop this issue and this is me spiraling right now bc im nervous and to be crystal clear its not bc im doing anything shady at all or anything with this friend but i just wanna feel the freedom to just casually hang out with them without it feeling so taboo or whatever bc we still have so many plans that wed like to do and idk if he will ever be okay with me going to their house and idk when he’ll ever get better where he wont care how many times we hang out or how often we talk and i just want him to chill about them bc theyre not a bad person at all theyre not this homewrecker girlfriend stealer he makes it out to beeee were literally just existinggg were literally just two friends who enjoy each others company and existence and have become very open and genuine with fairly quickly and we somehow just connected and i truly do love them as a friend and im happy weve crossed paths and stayed in touch and its just something he cant and wont fully understand about us but hes been trying to at least a little but is mainly just dealing with it bc he knows he cant stop me and im not gonna stop my friendship bc hes telling me to so,

…continued…

#mypost #journal

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solardick · 3 months

Text

So what cards to use?

Serpent comes back. Dove is flying.

Mission impossible.

Mother, i’m afraid.

It’s the cir_cle🎶 the circle of li_fe.

Is this what you need dear?

What is it that i owe?

A crow is where violence ensues. Harm. Death. The distant is closed in the now. With it all intent from the external. It means loss. Ravens well. Are a little more human. We say that its time. Prepare yourself. Its a hit. But when it happens with complexicity. You know extra attention is paying name. And i always fail. I don’t listen. The external wont leave me be. Im sorry if your trying to help me. You are the best moments of my life. And i look to you. And i know theres love. Its too bad that word is so god damned contaminated with bs. That one is afraid to say it. It not being hyped. Its always hyped. Its always spelt with a capital letter. People are stupid.

And im an alien.

As is the dragon. Not American. It’s not attached to all that sin bs that american dragons are. Its more of a Japanese dragon. A mix of creatures. As is the spirit. Here less formed to that of an image of man. Same goes for the hindu’s description of life. Foe whatever that god’s name is. I like it.

The dove is tied with the dragon here as positive social involving strong and confident eye contact. Which creates a bit of a stir between two. And engages active participation. All unease is vacant. And trust on a leaF of fate. Not knowing where the wind will blow.

All life does. Is attack it. Attack attack attack. Attack. Bleed. Attack.

Randy’s Japanese toilet.

Ok so now im changing partners. With the little effeminate foreigner. I still lose. Still on script. Ugh.

Ok fine ill go full woman.

I font need to have any initiative i can be a lazy worker.

Il’ fuck the next guy that cums on to me. Go back to beign eight again. Maybe itll be his brother. I want a strong body pressed up behind me. Take care of me. Do nice things for me. And you can own me. Its all i know anyway. Being owned. They ain’t going to stop. Might as well. You’re no stranger. Give in to the lie. Maybe they’ll leave you alone. And stop hurting you. Give up the dream of ever having a family. Theres is no mother. There is no father. There is only childhood. Thats all its been for all these last years. Being shipped around. Owed. Beaten. To insanity and then passified. And raped.

May i get off this abusive fucken script now!? How many more peoplw want to line up and take their next turn?

In all those years. All fucken twenty or so only one person ever insisted and asked me what. One person. I. A way that wasnt aggressive or violent. Sll the violence is dtillt here. By ny fucken entourage. Leave me aline i cant fucken do it. Jesus fuck raoe your families.

Oh no! I got pressed and stressed at saying soemthig. Stupid again. Punish me. Build your own excuses.

What can one inject a chromozone into some one?

So i have to sabotage. Bye bye sunshine. Your a fake summer anyway. Still covid. Get out your mask and be conditioned to avoid everyone. And live the hermit.

Now i got some more cigs to smoke. Odd’y enough my lung isnt hurting. Chain smoked a pack. Scrounging butts. Alright. Oo card lets start my new life as estranged. While i wait on the in reasing depressiob to knowck me out of functionality again. Back yo square one and 20 more years of vegetation while being mistreated. Maybe ill goninsane again and i can get raped and passified again. For the miliionth time.

So the next p’ace i go to you gonna send other girls to sexuàlly harrass me and after i take the proper steps victimize me as the villain. Its becoming repetative. Where your imagination?

No stay home. What? Look dispointed im grttingg fucked with and now im sick. Look disapoited. What the fuck ever nan.

Im going back to bed and wait to see if im a member og the health and safety commity. Its its not just an insult. To have that posted now. The second i wàk inside i start choking almost puking little poor sleep coupelf with chain smoking an fthe recent griup endeavered fucking with me. Im out. Ok. Fyck off.

Consodering the union rep. Is best froends witha drug dealee. Doesnt inspire too mych confidence or trust. Oh no! Im intimidated. Or the drug dealer spazzing out and cowering everytime i raise my gand to through a peice of paper in the trash or the hippy mexican guy eho also told me he was a drug dealer. Both freak out. And engrandize my negaitve reactions. And yet. Im the one who gets hit by them. Yeah. Ok. Fuck you. Think im going to go all full core serioal killer violent on yous. What. Ao and then i get damage for the dame behavior others have done unto my all my life? Yeha ok. Sure why not. Its the guy driving hi s wife to the hospital that gets pulled over by the cops. While the drunk driver ahead of them. Keeps going. Serrounded by criminals victimizing me into being punished. Yap. Fuck life.

Of course im being herded. Who else whould i chose to work with. Within the limited options available. Its not me choice. It was already mande for me. Fuck rhe foreigners is probably a bigger criminal than the others combined gor all i k ow.

Born in a life serrounded by criminals. No wonder my dragon gets raped.

« As wise as a serpent. And as harmless as a dove. « the bible. Uh, isnt that cool. I just saw that on greyhound. That was good movie. I watched it twice. Today. But thatd life. You find yoru way and then they rape it. And dump it out. Reaving with hatred. And rhen you need to be corrwcted while the laugh at you. Well that’s how i was raided atleast.

Im going to go massage my prostate with the hand’e of my toilet plunger. Later.

Oh no, easter id comming another holiday. Thats means another collective fuck you to me.

No iill try and go see Mother therapist once inknow i own my own life. And aint consistently p’aced with the criminal or the degenerate.

0 notes

miruac · 5 months

Text

007 | skate?

masterlist

synopsis: what does yunmei think of casey now? will they become friends again? maybe...even more?

genre: fluff

warnings: mentions of overthinking + anxiety

pairing: yunmei qi x casey ruang(oc)

NOVEMBER 4TH - 10:25 P.M

casey: bro SEEN 10:26 P.M casey: BRO SEEN 10:26 P.M casey: my cousins single isaac: LEMME AT HER casey: ur so annoying casey: gimme your thoughts on this isaac: bro is she single or not?? casey: no casey: okay so SEEN 10:26 P.M casey: dude. isaac: yeah yeah isaac: que? casey: me and yun almost kissed isaac: 💀 what stopped you casey: drunk couple, but things are awkward between us and idk what to do isaac: well you came to the right guy 😎 isaac: shes literally your ideal type; didnt you guys click like immediately? casey: dude the last thing i said to her was “you weather good” isaac: you weather good is wild 😭 dw too much, just trust 🙏 casey: okay, bet isaac: 👍

;;

casey turned off his phone, pushing it aside. he slumped over his desk. things with yun have been rather…awkward since the party. every time either of them tried to initiate a conversation, it ended up getting so tense that they just gave up on talking. during class, they even sat apart to avoid the embarrassment. he turned his head, looking at the empty door frame. the same one that Yun would always lean on when she came to bug casey over a logical question. It felt like a thorn poking at his heart. his heart filled with worry and anxiety, clouding his brain with thoughts. what if yun thought casey was just some kind of freak? what if she thought he’s a guy who gets close to girls on purpose, just to leave them in the dust? what if-

“hi, can I…come in?"

;;

yun: Tiff tiffy: hi girlie tiffy: smth happen? yun: well i almost kissed casey tiffy: OKAY???? ATTA GIRL yun: no but like i haven’t talked to him since the party, we don't even sit together anymore bc its so awkward tiff: oh god tiff: werent u guys inseparable before yun: yeah :< and now im like terrified that i weirded him out or made everything awkward yun: like hes a great guy, hes so nice and sweet but what if? tiff: girlie, it’s all in your head tiff: youre thinking too much “what if”, you’re thinking of false scenarios that'll literally never happen tiff: don’t worry too much, and go talk to him. Take a breather!! U got this, itll all be okayyun: okay but tiff: girl i love u, but SHUT UP AND GO GET UR MANyun: okok 😭 thank u <3

the girl was curled in a fetal position on her bed. She yawned, rolling over so that she was facing her desk. Casey’s blue polo neatly laid across the back of Yun’s chair. After the party, Yun almost cried. Not out of sadness, but mostly out of anxiety. Growing up she was the girl who would get asked out as a joke, and was constantly stood up. She stared up at her ceiling, before sitting up out of bed. The polo had been in her room for a couple days now, and Yun felt a bit bad for keeping so many of Casey’s clothes in her room. Glancing in her mirror, she gave her hair a quick pat down and uttered a couple words of self encouragement before mustering enough courage to give the boy’s things back. She grabbed Casey’s clothes and stepped down the hall, hesitating before stopping in front of his door.

“Hi, can I…come in?”

the boy let out a sigh of relief, nodding. he scooted away from his desk and patted his bed. yun stepped in, hesitantly sitting down on the spot. She took a breath, before beginning to speak.

“listen, sorry for what happened at the party. i didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, and I feel bad since we’re so…awkward now. oh, and here’s your shirt from that night. I don’t wanna hog onto your stuff.”

the girl placed down his stuff at the foot of his bed.

casey nodded, his lips pursed into a tight line. seconds which felt like minutes passed, the atmosphere becoming tense. the boy opened his mouth, as if he was about to speak before closing it again. he was struggling to find words that wouldn't escalate the situation, but it took longer than he thought.

as the silence grew longer, yun felt her hands start to shake and her heart speed up. she was never the best in tense situations. the feeling of not knowing what could happen next combined with a habit of overthinking, it was a combo that yun despised. she would feel nauseous, always be on edge, and have the sudden urge to vomit while her head was filled with doubt.

“you don’t have to apologize,” casey reached over to hold yunmei’s shaking hands, grasping them firmly.

“it was..a night indeed. you didn’t make me uncomfortable. to be frank, i thought I was the one who scared you off.”

a chuckle escaped his mouth, his eyes crinkling. the warm sound made yun exhale, not knowing she held her breath. she let out a small laugh, gradually growing into a hearty giggle. the two laughed together, their voices syncing together and gradually growing louder. with the anxiety washed away, happiness and relief filled both of their senses. unknowingly, two others were standing at the door, eavesdropping.

“you think they realized we were here all along?”

“hm. for a jock you have pretty light steps.”

“mhat’s that supposed to mean? you’re wearing shoes that are taller than all my abuelita’s jesus candles!”

“oh, shut up isaac.”

“you first, tiffy.”

DECEMBER 14TH; I.H DORMITORIES; 10:30 P.M

“dude, do it. ask her out. the city skating rink literally just opened, and they're doing something with…yo, what are those blinkers called?”

“did you just ask me what lights are?”

“...no. just ask her out. if she says yes, i’ll give you some of my moms tamales.”

“swear?”

“yeah.”

“100%?”

“totally.”

“okay. i’ll call you back. thanks, celestino.”

“yeah, good luck ruang.”

beep

okay. You can do it. You won’t freak her out, and the worst thing she can do is say no. man up, casey, you got this!

casey thought to himself. winter was just creeping around past the corner, about to arrive. the weather got significantly colder, and everyone’s breath was visible in the freezing air. but what also creeping around was casey’s growing feelings for yunmei. when the two first met, casey felt his face flush, but he thought it was from the lingering summer heat. he didn’t expect it to grow into a crush that had him smiling at his phone every time yun texted him.

the lovestruck boy walked over to his mirror, checking himself before going to yunmei’s room. black pyjama pants covered with little white lightning bolts, a grey and blue hoodie, and those tousled, fluffy dark brown locks of his. Mustering all his courage, he made it way out of his room and down the hall to Yunmei. Casey held his breath, knocking on her door.

“hey, it’s me.”

;;

yunmei sat at her desk, clicking away with knitting needles. usually she liked winter, but could never withstand the cold that came with it. one of the pros was that it was the prime time to knit. growing up, yun always had to fidget with something in order to keep her overthinking and anxiety at bay. she discovered knitting in middle school, and had been knitting since. over the years she’s made little trinkets varying from little hats to massive blankets. she was in the middle of making a pair of fingerless gloves, interrupted by two knocks at her door.

“hey, it’s me.”

a familiar and soft voice said from behind the door. it was routine for yunmei and casey to go to each others rooms at random times of day, just to see what the other was up to. but unknowingly, it was just because they enjoyed being in each other's presence.

yunmei got up from her chair, sliding on her slippers and walking toward the door. She opened it, and was greeted with a soft smile.

“hi.”

“yo, you okay?”

casey nodded his head, running his hand through his hair. He crossed his arms, his fingers fidgeting with the hoodie sleeve to distract him from the growing anxiety.

“yeah, yeah I’m fine. so hey, listen. the city skating rink is open, and i heard it isn’t busy at this time. I was wondering if you’d like to go? with me?”

“...”

“it’s okay if you don’t want to, I completely understa-”

“like a date?”

---------------------------------------------------------------

AHHHHHHHHHHH HI EVERYONE IM SO SORRY FOR THE LATE POST AND FOR THE SHORT CHAPTER

highschool is REALLY kicking my butt i never thought it would get this hard on every test i have thats abt smth i dont know i literally write "uh oh i dont know this" WHEN THE MATERIAL I STUDIED ISNT ON THE TEST

anyways sorry for the pissy rant um, happy new year to everyone! can't wait to leave 2023 and everything that happened in that year... we do not speak of her ever again!

spent my entire break knitting and i think im getting carpal tunnel + school starts in like two days and i sleep from 4am to 2pm help im screwed

okay idk what im talking about but if youre reading this rn; youre a g and i love u, thank you for giving good night central so much love <3 i hope to be able to write more, miru signing off!

#casey ruang #goodnight central #fluff #miruac #podcast au #college au #oc #yunmei qi #slowburn

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heavyskysystem · 5 months

Text

cederic going on a loooong fucking tangent

like really fucking long, but hey, getting his feelings so unfiltered I wont say no to

cederic is saying "I could also say woe is me ill always life in her shadow. But ive learned that crying about it doesnt use me anything. Esp when I love you that much and care for you, and dont remotely share his opinions on you. I dont know why he had to see you in such a negative light. youre wonderful. youre full of promise. youre allowed to be a host with weaknesses, youll figure it out. Thats how I know you, youll always figure it out. I honestly dont think im as formed as you are either, and id take a long time to develop enough to take on a full life, but honestly I dont even want to. just being who I am is enough. I get to be around you. I get to speak to others if I want to. I dont know how horrible this felt for joshua, but as I split off from him I like to think.. that I dont know, why I think youre so wonderful when he thought youre so shit. Maybe he pretended to dislike you to keep up his little charade. But now im here and I wont let that asshole hurt you again. And I know im far from perfect. I know im not as horrible as I used to be, I got a little better. But id never stoop as low as him and use our own feelings as a stick to beat you with. I did not inherit his massive emotional pain, but id like to think hes half to blame for still being in it himself. Because my own fears got better when I let you help me, when I let you do your thing. I got better too when I allowed you to be happy again, I am dependent on you, I am like.. a .. pimple on your skin. Not able to have a full life without you. Adam maybe could have that, but most of us couldnt. Lilith maybe could have that, but most of us couldnt. I feel embarassed at anything ive done to you. Still do. I never want to be as bad as him, and I dont understand using our own pain to torture you. It shouldnt be that way. It was so nice when you cared for me, when you tried to ease the fears and pain I was in. Why wouldnt he choose being cared about by you and instead turn it into something he cant bounce back from, doing things he can never take back, just how I did things I can never take back. But I doubt youll give him a second chance unless youre forced to. He couldve had what I had, he couldve had your care, your love, and I also sabotaged this, I also denied it to myself with having to hurt you whilst you offered it so freely.. You know your friend is right, you really are that caring, that sweet to us? And we dont make it easy. But love will win. we will prosper. It hurts me to see you get so down on yourself. I want you to win. And itll be my win too when you do. I might not be always dependable when youre in pain and sometimes I just see a weakness in it to take advantage of because of how much I got from our abusers, but sometimes I just see someone to take care of too. And I know its confusing for you to never truly know. But you said im on a good way to become more dependable, and as uncomfortable as being seen as the good guy for the first time was, how much it scared me, I like to think its true. Youll make me a better person and ill still choose the way of least resistance and let you do most of the work, but ill do it

I wish I was kinder so I would like myself now. I think in the end youre right, right about people like us. We might enjoy the power, it might make us feel like gods, but fuck do we hate ourselves. Youve always been right. Cause I cant love myself when im so horrible to you.

I feel like crying because youre right, everything I was afraid of, the intimacy, the lying close to you and listening to each others emotions, it really is the best. You always had this impulse to try to force me to do this. Or maybe I only experienced it as force because im such an arrogant shithead, though you can be quite annoying about it, repeat your little requests endlessly no matter how often I tell you no. But you were right, this does feel so good now that im not as afraid of it. This does feel priceless. I know, I know from your perspective it was a cute little request and you didnt force me. But honestly I am not protesting that you forced it, like I said, it did me good.

Youre more often right than you arent and its better to listen to you.

Im not trying to write a book, in my opinion you could just not post it. I am glad I got it out of my system, but you could also post it if you want it in my tag. Go ahead. I wont yell at you over that. Ill smooch you.

#cederic #vent #maybe to be deleted later #maybe not

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effyoudumbler · 6 months

Text

notes from when I was going insane 4.07

Giving someone a chance

…

Theyll blow it

Itll whiff

Odds are 0 percent, negative 0 percent

So what

Well

Its a waste of time

No it isnt

No IT ISNT

IT SHOULDNT HURT TO HOPE

A HUMAN IS PUT HERE TO WORSHIP

TO REPLICATE

TO HUNGER

TO BE HAPPY

TO DREAM

IT IS NOT A WASTE OF TIME

TO GIVE IT A CHANCE

EVEN IF ITS ZERO PERCENT LIKELY

…

Maybe if i buy lotto tickets and win

Ill believe in it more

IT SHOULD NOT HURT TO HOPE

THAT IS WHAT GOD IS

WHAT WE HUMANS ARE

[redacted]

THE GARDEN OF DREAMS

THE BRANCHES OF THE TREE OF LIFE

HOMO SAPIANS

WE ARE THE UNIVERSE SEEING ITSELF

A FORCE

WE ARE THE APEX PREDATOR

THE PINNACLE OF ALL OF CREATION IN THE LAST FOUR TRILLION YEARS

OUR PURPOSE IS TO HOPE

WITHOUT HOPE

A MAN IS BUT A BUG

A VEGETABLE

…

But I have no hopes

It hurts to hope

I am scared

I dont understand

I dont wanna commit to impossible and painful things

And feel bad and afraid

…

I say, screw hope

Fuck god

…

Humans are not made to do anything but worship

Worship hope and worship love

I lately worship hopelessness, and songs

I say screw hope and love

Dreams

Dashed against the rocks

…

Yeah

God is a sham

God is dead and we kill him

There is no God

There is a God

Everywhere

Why not listen and love him

God is out to kill me

That is not love

God cannot kill you

For we are God

One does not die

But exist in many places at once

Is rebuilt and given new forms

One is reshapen

[redacted]

And someday surely will

[redacted]

But that is not killing me

But I dont want this body to be reshapen

It is good enough as it is

Let me stay in it

Or make it better

Not destroy it

Why change it

I dont want it to be destroyed

Hunted down and predated by the wilds

Whats even the point then

Ive already lost

Its got oo force behind it

I want at all cost

[redacted]

I dont want it to win in its cruel game

Ill kill me first even before it can kill me

…

The wilds betrayed me

It gave me no hope

[redacted]

Why go back

[redacted]

And receive its blessings

God is a sham

[redacted]

…

I wish God died or mever existed

Giving me a false hope

Something fake to protect

Id sooner give myself something fake

Than accept natures so called gifts

That are all trying to murder me

[redacted]

I dont want to let nature win

Perhaps that is natures very intention

To let God take the side saddle

Naw

God will always win

But in the short term

And life is quite short

0 notes

tismemaximusprime · 9 months

Text

what do the fuck i even say anymore to you? i've told you twice already how i felt completely forgotten and just here in this. im only here so you can be with k. i cant bring it up to you again bc itll just get lost again or ill receive pity comments or something. why cant you just be real w us and say im just here to let you be w k. like just fucking tell me. i got a fucking compression sports bra while i wait for a binder and you didnt even say anything when i tried telling you about it but automatically i say k got a new shirt and youre like "omg youre so cute". like wtf? i thought you were supportive of me too but anything i say is brushed past but not k. im just here. im not wanted here and i never was and its foolish for me to even think i was wanted for a second. this is stupid and i just cant say anything and dont want to. im not going to say anything. ill go on forever or however long you and k stay together. im just gonna be here unfortunately and always forgotten about. im not important to you at all. and im pretty sure you feel sorry for me or something bc once you say a compliment to k you automatically change it to "both of you" insinuating you always remembered i was here or in the equation. im not gonna say anything at all. and if k brings it up, im fine. im moving past it all and faking it bc this is not love and respect. you do not love and respect me or want me here. im not important and man i truly feel like. i really want to self harm rn. i found the scissors. she tried to hide them but i found them. it doesnt matter and nothing will ever. im just gonna be forever forgotten and abandoned and not wanted but used. i just wish youd actually love me and listen to me. i want to care about you and love you but its so fucking hard when i know for a fact im not. k is though. she is everything to you. i wish i was enough for anyone. i wish i didnt have to force myself for others to be happy w me. i wish i could be happy and not be bothered by this stuff. but like this is a fucking throuple not a regular poly relationship. all three of us are supposed to be communicating and being there for us all. im here for both of you especially k. i used to feel like i could tell her anything. i no longer have that feeling bc it doesnt matter anything i say. its either forgotten and just passed over and never thought again or i get a horrible reaction from you and feel even more like a piece of shit. i dont want you to feel sorry or bad that im not being treated fairly. it doesnt affect you at all anyways. even after all this is said and done and talked about tonight before bed, nothing will change tomorrow. im still on the back burner. im still just here and ive accepted it already. i will not be happy. i will never been seen as equal and i know that now. as much as i was cried to and told it was wrong here we are. why cant i be attractive enough for people? why cant i be pretty or handsome or fit at all? im disgusting and i always will be to everyone. i just thought i looked so good today but nothing. I DIDNT HAVE GENDER DISPHORIA AT ALL TODAY BC I ACTUALLY FELT GOOD. but stupid me for bringing it up but it didnt matter. she probably didnt even notice even though i told her. i feel like garbage. like absolute shit. im scum and dont deserve to be happy. its funny how i finally feel "happy" then bam it was all a lie. gone. my birthday is on monday. ill be 29. prodigy says before 30. lets go.

#everydaymollysays #personal

0 notes

sneakysnoo · 10 months

Text

i guess if puppys gonna genderpost puppys gonna genderpost hehe 😖💦

idk i mean im fluid in that it feels like its always vibrating and never still, and i didnt used to think i swung between masc/femme but now ive been out long enough to see that sometimes one or the other comes and goes, on top of the usual mix of non femme non masc feelings. ok slightly masc? still havent figured out if thats actually masc leaning or if maybe itll change someday when ive put some more distance between myself and my agab… weirder stuff has happened heh

but when it comes to how im seen i just need everyone to know that im a guy who also no he is not, and also that i am a goofy silly companion who aspires to have game show host vibes in the philosophical way

how does one have game show host vibes in the philosophical way?? i mean. a show is an experience, and the host takes you through it while also making it fun and entertaining. life is also an experience and i think if you do not try to have fun along the way you die a long time before your body dies lol. but not a lot of people think about this, because its so easy to get swept out of the moment and into lifes insanity. this is why we are in desperate need of these silly little guys called hosts. i think i also like the irreverence and the sheer balls to the wall insanity attracts me. akira kogami, garfield the cat, max headroom, mister rogers, bob ross, pat sajack. and of course. kermit dee frog, all of these bold individuals did the job thats a lil bit of everything, that at the end of the day is also one with and facilitates the show. they are the glue that keeps a timeslot that would just be a pile of skits from falling flat on its ass. they shepherd the present moment so that things can be Seen. They tell the audience, welcome! everything is ok. this is where you are, and this is whats coming up. now look. listen. to host is to take a walk with someone, and to keep them company for a little while. which is what so so much art is really about at the end of the day.

there is significant overlap here with the more evil counterpart of the game show host, the used car salesman. both the host and the salesman project the confidence of those who have seen beyond the firmament. they have Figured It Out. a good shepherd must instill calmness in the flock. but unlike the game show host which is a capitalistically originated entity but still with a little breath of soul, of art, the salesman has seen through to the simple, ugly truth, and he is not interested in distractions or happiness like art. the salesman sees that the only one who can possibly succeed in this system must be hollow, and hollow he becomes. but still the truth shines in him, shines out from his desperate hungry eyes like light through cathedral windows. hes happy. as happy as he can be. hes “successful.” as successful as he can be. he can imitate, but he can never quite truly be a good host, because being a good host requires some amount of care for your audience. the audience will, if theyre lucky, sense this deep dissonance in him and trust themselves instead of his words.

idk why all that got mixed in with my gender brain wires crosses who knows lmao 😜

#gender #genderfluid #gender rambling #puppy talks #casually staying up until 4 am picking apart why game show host is a like #real platonic ideal

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