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svchengss · 3 years

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king of hearts | d.sc

PAIRING. dong sicheng x reader

GENRE. high school!au, fluff, slight angst, kind of e2l

WARNINGS. none (lmk if i missed any!)

WORD COUNT. 6.7k

SUMMARY. sicheng’s subtle flirts are not working effectively but it only motivates him to try and woo you more. the devil sure works hard but dong sicheng works harder.

PLAYLIST. king of hearts

TAGLIST. @floraljae @clovdless @mashiihearts @ndr1271 @kunrengui (shoutout to mashi for being a major help in the process of writing this <3)

// just to let you guys know, reblogs and feedbacks are appreciated !! thank you for reading :D

music was blaring through the multiple loudspeakers scattered around the school grounds, booths of various interests that were set-up by the clubs being swarmed by visitors and ecstatic oohs and aahs from the ones playing games can be heard intermittently. the annual school festival of redlands high, an event that is looked forward to by every single student there. or maybe not, you’re quite unsure of the self-made data.

you immediately made a beeline to the dance club booth which is managed by yangyang, the president also holding the title of your best friend. a cartoonish grin crept up on his face when he spots you walking towards him.

“so, what do you think? looks legit, huh?” he crossed his arms together, observing the design of the booth with a proud smile. the set-up is definitely eye-catching, not much decorations going on, adding to the simplicity of the white theme with gold touch-ups. you browsed through the plastered posters on the board, inviting people to sign up for their upcoming audition. looking up to the signboard hanging outside, you showed a thumbs up towards him, muttering a quick ‘perfect’.

“so what exactly is your booth doing? there’s not much… activity going on?” you scratched the non-existent itch on your left eyebrow. the boy in front of you gave you an eye roll before explaining that there will be mini dance games - or just dance as he worded. an amused sound left your lips as you bent down, dropping your signature in the guestbook on the wooden table.

“are you coming to the stage shows tonight? i heard there’s a new band performing,” your ears perked up instinctively upon hearing the words. after your sister graduated high school, nobody paid any attention to keep the band going. the zikas, a trio that made the music club strive back then. either the newer batches were too lazy to make an effort or too scared if they weren’t up to the already high standards of the school.

“i’m going if you’re going,” you simply stated, which made yangyang flash you the same grin from before. you said your simple goodbyes when people started lining up to try the just dance game at his booth. after he reminded you to wait for him by the statue, you went off to check out the food sales, eager to fill your growling stomach since this morning.

you can do this, sicheng. you can do this.

he made sure to double check the tuning of his guitar for one last time before joining the rest of his bandmates on the stage. his tall and slim physique surely left an impact, seeing that some of the audience suddenly became more invested in the performance compared to the others. he’s wearing some band’s shirt - probably green day since it’s quite similar to your sister’s posters in her room, black leather jacket and his black hair middle parted. not to miss the silver pendant necklace on his neck, sparkling under the spotlight.

the moment he struck the pick through the strings of his electric guitar, the drummer and bassist followed after, producing a melody that is pleasing to your ears. he held the microphone closer to his mouth, singing the lyrics as you bobbed your head up and down to the covers they sang - american idiot and helena are the ones you recognized since you’ve heard the songs so often. yangyang on the other hand kept on sipping the chocolate milkshake in his hand, vibing with the music as well.

the next song was a sentimental one which you assumed is a self-composed one, since you’ve never heard this song before. before you know it, the performance is over and the audience have started packing up their belongings to hang out somewhere else or go home.

“good job everyone, we did well,” yuta, who played the bass earlier, high-fived the rest of the band with a sly grin on his face. guanheng chugged the mineral water down his throat before stashing his drumsticks into the bag while sicheng was lost in his thoughts. he doesn’t know why but you stood out from the crowd, only able to see you just now. he wouldn’t say it’s a crush, not knowing anything about you but it definitely made him feel something. a trigger in his heart, not knowing where it leads to. but what he does know is that you caught his attention.

“and you know what he said? i’ll come back crawling to him just like his other exes. what the heck is even that?” you took out the binders from your locker while listening to ningning rant about her love life. since you haven’t had any relationships before, you’re not really a professional in this aspect of life so you just kept your mouth shut to avoid giving useless advice.

“that sounds so rude, he’s such a jerk,” you commented, taking the first bite of your sandwich afterwards. the tea-spilling session eventually came to an end when she reached her class first and you kept walking to mrs. walker’s, english being your first period. nothing exciting really happened in that class except someone got their phone confiscated for texting in class - just the usual things. classes later, it’s finally recess when you met up with ningning and yangyang in the cafeteria.

“first of all, cut him off. block him. everywhere,” yangyang emphasized the last word, knowing how much of an idiot the guy can be. you just scrolled through your socials, double tapping on certain posts that caught your eye. owning a cat looks fun, you made a mental note to bring the idea to your parents later. the bell rang which signals that classes are starting back soon and the same cycle of events continues before it’s time to go home.

you observed yangyang’s sharp moves, following to the beat of the song echoing in the dance room. it’s currently half past seven and he’s still here, beads of sweat running through his hair. and why would he stay in school so late, you may ask? obviously, he’s here for a reason and it being an upcoming dance tournament is the most accurate one. while you’re here, sitting on the floor, back against the mirror and legs straightened out with your phone in your hand. it amazes you how the goofy boy transforms 360°, being all serious when he’s in his element.

“let’s go home, i’m tired already,” he panted out breathlessly, using a cloth nearby to wipe his sweaty forehead. you wait for him by the glass door as he packs up his things when the lights in the music studio also switched off. you wondered it must be the band guys so you paid no attention whatsoever. of course, your predictions were right when you saw two lads stepping out.

since yangyang is taking too much time tidying up the dance studio and the music studio seems unoccupied, you decided to check it out for a bit. it’s been a long time since you last entered the room, always accompanying your sister for her extra practice when you were younger. not much has changed, except some additions of instruments can be seen. not seeing anything in the dark condition as the room is only illuminated by the faint lights from the hallway, you pushed the switches down only to be met by a gasp.

“what are you doing here?” the tall boy approached you, a stern look visible on his fine features. your eyes scrambled around the room in an attempt to find any logical excuses for your ‘break-in’ but to no avail. your tongue was dry, not a sound escaping your throat when you heard yangyang’s voice, signalling your cue to exit the room and escape from the tension building between you and the boy. he just shook his head, the black hair bouncing left to right as he finally caught on.

it’s you, you’re the girl from the crowd. and your name is y/n.

the walk home was filled with one-sided conversations where yangyang kept on babbling about how he should improve the choreography he created earlier while you only added small comments. your mind is filled with embarrassment, too much that you feel slightly mad at yourself. why didn’t you say anything earlier? now, you look like a complete idiot with communication issues in front of that boy.

“yeah, and remember that pasta? we should definitely try it again, it’s like, so good,” yangyang said, earning a nod from you when you saw the boy from last night’s music studio tragedy approaching your table. you tried to look away but it was too late.

“dude, just wanna let you know that mr. park is seeing us after school,” your grip on your fork loosens up when you realized he wasn’t talking to you. maybe he forgot about the incident? you really hope so.

“yeah, totally. thanks sicheng,” yangyang playfully winked at the latter, earning a disgusted look from him who started walking away. he glanced back at you with a smug smile on his plump lips, making you freeze up again.

he didn’t.

“are you okay, y/n? feeling sick?” ningning furrowed her eyebrows upon seeing your sudden change of demeanor. you shrugged her off and continued to consume the macaroni placed on the tray in front of you, mentally cursing at yourself for the poor life choice you’d made. well, at least you know that his name is sicheng, right?

oh boy, you’re in for a long ride.

you can’t wait to go home and snuggle under the covers, today has been a long and tiring one for you. you had three pop quizzes as if all the three teachers intended so, your class had to run multiple laps during p.e. and so on. you’re already planning your routine in your head, trudging your way to the lockers when you saw him leaning against yours, scrolling down his phone.

“crap,” you muttered under your breath.

there it is, the smirk on his face returns when he spots your figure approaching. oh, how you wish you could wipe it off his face. he moved a couple steps backwards to give you some space to arrange your things before locking it, turning your head towards him.

“i’m sorry, why are you here again? and if it’s because of last night, then i’m sorry if it bothered you or anything,” you huffed out.

“what? i didn’t really care, it’s not like you were stealing anything, right?” he squinted his eyes, eyeing you up and down suspiciously, laughing shortly after seeing you get riled up.

“damn, you really need to learn how to take a joke. y/n, right? i’m sicheng, nice to meet you.”

“why exactly are we having this meet-and-greet or whatever this introduction is?” you crossed your arms, waiting for his response. but he didn’t, immediately turning on his heels and making his way towards the stairs, probably going to the studio.

“jerk,” you cursed under your breath, walking out the school building.

“what? you got accepted? seriously?” ningning’s voice echoed against the cafeteria walls, earning surprised and annoyed glances from other students who were either satisfying their grumbling stomach or simply having conversations. yangyang softly nudged her elbows using his, asking her to lower her voice down before telling you to go on. you were quite surprised as well, the acceptance email was not what you expected to receive. when you filled in the application form, it was just a mere shoot-your-shot agenda to see if you’d make the cut. although this is just a camp, you’re still unsure of what lies ahead.

“yeah, it starts next week. but i’m so nervous though,” you sipped the iced coffee in your hands. you’ve only watched videos of people producing their own music from scratch which you start to take an interest in. however, you’ve never done it hands-on before, only having basic music theory knowledge thanks to the piano lessons your parents signed you up for when you were young.

“you’ll do awesome, i promise,” yangyang gave you a reassuring smile, making you release some tension from the overthinking you’ve had since you received the email last night.

“thanks yang.”

now, here you are on the first day of attending the internship camp. you stood in front of the tall mirror hanging on the wall, straightening your cardigan and applying some makeup onto your face as touch-ups. it’s currently 7:40 in the morning, the earliest time you’ve ever woken up on a saturday. your siblings are still swallowed in their states of sleep. you double-checked the contents in your tote bag, making sure that no important things are left behind. you totally don’t intend on leaving a bad first impression on your first day.

after bidding a swift goodbye to your parents who just woke up, you drove your mother’s old honda to the completely new destination - mbyte studios. the tall building with light grey and blue painted walls definitely made it stand out, a futuristic look catching the eyes of the passersby. taking a deep breath, you entered the main lobby before being escorted to a room on the second floor. you assume it’s a waiting room for all participants of the camp, scanning that majority of the occupiers might be college students. you thanked god that the camp takes place on weekends so your high school senior life won’t be interrupted that much.

DAY 1

your eyes widened when you spot sicheng with the same white and blue tag you’re wearing, seated on the sofa. what the hell is he doing here? you avoided acknowledging his presence, trying to make yourself as unnoticed as possible heading over to occupy the seat farthest from his. after quite some time staring at the paintings hanging on the wall, a middle-aged lady with a petite figure entered the room, making you sit up straight.

“welcome to mbyte studios! i’m the assistant director, mrs. hwang. first and foremost, congratulations on being accepted. it’ a pleasure to witness the start of your musical journey embarking here. i believe that we should know each other first?” she gestured for any volunteers. sicheng stood up from his seat, charisma evident in his stance which left quite an impression on the others. the strong confidence in the way he speaks made the woman smile amusingly.

some names later, it was your turn to introduce yourself. the moment you stood up, he immediately recognized you and you were sure you caught him making some faces. the ice-breaking session went well thankfully, mrs. hwang elaborating on the social rules and the itinerary throughout the whole six days. one that caught your attention was assisting the producers on making a track from scratch, just like you had dreamed of.

when it was finally time for lunch break, you shot up from your seat to get away from sicheng as fast as possible but to your dismay, he beat you to it, jogging up towards your standing position.

“i didn’t know you were into music, what’s the sudden occasion?”

“it’s none of your business actually,” you sneered back, obviously not favouring his attention.

“woah, relax. you’ve got quite a temper, don’t you? by the way, we’re having lunch together,” he placed his phone onto a nearby table, pulling a chair for you.

“just eat on your own, i don’t have the appetite,” you flash a sarcastic grin before disappearing into the women’s restroom. he just laughed bitterly at your response before walking towards the food counter, joining his newly made friend, jaehyun. being the same age, they’re easy to click.

DAY 2

“today, we’ll be focusing on the recording process. you’ll be assigned into groups that will have a tour of the whole department. our staff will facilitate each group,” the manager said loud and clear. you remembered his name was johnny. the tattoo on his shoulder really stands out, considering the fact that he’s always wearing a sleeveless shirt.

but what are the odds when your groupmate is none other than the guy himself, sicheng. it’s like the universe truly resented you for having to be associated with him at any event. your group was escorted to the farthest recording studio on the floor. to say that this was a great experience is truly an understatement, making you observe the gears used in astonishment. you hate to admit it but sicheng has a handful of knowledge on this particular topic, always correctly answering the questions directed by the staff. maybe it wasn’t quite surprising upon knowing that his career choice is a singer, not that you care anyways.

again, nothing out of the ordinary happened today, except that you and sicheng had lunch on the same table. of course, it’s not that you accepted his offer but he welcomed himself to the spot. being the quickly favoured participant among the rest, obviously they welcomed him with open hands. he placed himself among the two guys sitting at the right corner, eyeing you whose eyes are still not leaving the article you were skimming through. with the last spoon of food shoved into your mouth, you quietly excused yourself from the group. sicheng just watched your movements in subtle signs of annoyance.

with the final task of doing microphone check-ups, day two of the camp ended with a breeze. you can’t wait to go home, get into a warm bath and spend the night watching netflix. it was a tiring one indeed but you’re not one to complain. pushing the car keys into the ignition slot, the sound of the engine starting is still nowhere to be heard even after a couple of retries. you rested your forehead onto the steering wheel, cursing silently in your head, having to get a taxi and call your mother about this incident. you’re sure to be receiving a handful from her, not to mention her soft but stingful remarks.

“hey, are you okay?” a deep voice interrupts your stressful state of mind. looking up, it’s sicheng with a concerned look on display. you hesitantly shared your problem, making him press his lips together probably thinking of a solution.

“you know, i don’t really know how to fix your broken engine or whatever but i know someone who can. let me just ring him for a sec. and you’re coming home with me.”

and that’s how you ended up in the front passenger seat, sicheng steering with one hand and the other rested on the windowsill. the faint music from the radio can be heard, probably a song by jon vinyl. you’d steal quick glances to see his other hand dancing in the air, enjoying the rhythm of the song playing. besides that, it was silent as both of you are preoccupied with your own things - sicheng on the road while you on your phone. he tried to make small talk but you would say it’s unrequited, only replying with short sentences. after a good ten minutes drive, the sight of your brown painted gate becomes a sign for him to stop the moving car.

“your car is safe with my friend so you shouldn’t worry about it or anything. also, what’s your number? it’ll be easier for, you know the car business of course,” he reached over to unbuckle your seatbelt, handing over his phone to you after. the close proximity made your breath hitch, the dewy scent of his perfume diffusing into your nose. not too strong, he has a good taste.

“thanks and um, i’ll buy you a drink later. just for today.”

“are you asking me on a date?” there it is, the significant tug on the side of his lips making its presence once again.

“stop being so narcissistic and move along please,” you rolled your eyes before giving him a small wave, stepping into your property. sicheng stared at the numerals on his phone screen, a small, proud grin etched on before driving off the lane.

“how was the camp? met any cute boys?” the first thing you hear in the hue of the blue monday morning is ningning’s chirpy voice. sometimes you wonder how she gets all boosted up at this hour of the day. yangyang is the polar opposite, his appearance as if he just got out of bed, the hood of his denim jacket resting on top of his auburn hair.

“it was good and no, no cute boys. but sicheng was there,” you replied nonchalantly, a mischievous grin crept onto her lips. you can almost predict the words that are going to spill out of her mouth.

“what’s up with her?” yangyang yawned, his eyes lazily gaze at you. you just lifted your shoulders, having no idea whatsoever. a ping sound was heard from your phone, notifying that a new message is received.

unknown: hey sicheng here

unknown: ur car may be ready tmr. want me to drive u there?

listening to your heart, you were about to type ‘no’ but remembering the fact that your parents will be busy the whole day tomorrow and yangyang is coming home late once again, you have no choice but to accept the lad’s help.

now you’re back in his vehicle, the same spot as before. you’ve only noticed now that a musical note charm is hung on the rearview mirror, a semiquaver to be exact. you’d say that it looks authentic, gold specks shining when sun rays hit the surface. observing the interior of his car, there are quite a number of small decorations.

“can we get coffee first? my treat for the car and the ride,” you suggested, looking at him whose eyes are focused onto the road. the traffic is quite pleasing today, nobody honking mindlessly at the other drivers and flipping each other off with the famous middle finger gesture. his side profile does look charming, some type of earrings dangling from his ears. if you’re going to be honest, his appearance does seem to be your type. you’re not one to say about his persona though, always managing to bother you at any time of the day.

“sure, wanna go to the new cafe? i heard it’s good,”. you just nodded while he skillfully steered the steering wheel, moving the car to the new destination. you turned your eyes to look outside from the car window, seeing the one hundred and one manners of the citizens. a mother struggling to take her child who’s having a tantrum out of the toy shop, a young couple having their romantic meal in the french cafe. the motion of the car stopping awakened you who was being distracted by your clouded mind.

from the moment you stepped into the place, the interior caught your attention. the light brown painted walls with black furniture complementing each other perfectly, making a retro-like appearance. the funky song playing faintly in the background surely is a mood-setter, just how you like it. even the barista serving you is being friendly, making a couple of small talk in the midst of operating the machines.

you would say that it was a pleasureful day for you. the exquisite taste of latte washing down your dry throat, getting your car back without too much babbling from your dear mother and the gap between you and sicheng closing in for a little.

the last sentence baffled you for a second.

DAY 3

sicheng’s eyes shot open from the short slumber he was trying to get - failing miserably even, upon spotting you enter through the door. he pulled the chair beside him in hopes for you to get his message and take the seat. a frown made its way onto his face when you just waved at him, making your way to another spot a few chairs to the front. he scoffed, head tilting slightly before approaching you instead. you shot him a puzzled look, roughly translating to ask him what he’s doing here.

“i just want to be close to you. now focus,” he redirected his eyes onto the muscular man who just entered the room. he’s a songwriter - the best one in this company to be exact. you were focused on each point he explained, making small notes on your laptop. it’s not always that you’ll get a chance to be guided by a four-time award winning songwriter, might as well gain some benefits from it.

“another tip i have is to use all types of chords. remember, do not stick to the same ones, you’ll lack creativity. for instance, use major, minor, dominant, diminished, and augmented. i promise you, more ideas will be flowing and better quality songs will be produced. you got me?” the questioned, earning buzzing sounds of positive responses from the hall.

DAY 4

another day of group work, you’re given the task to create a melody according to the themes given - for your group, it’s love. looking at sicheng, he’s already on his electric guitar, strumming mindlessly to find the perfect note to start on. the rest of you are now juicing out some thoughts on this particular sense of human nature.

“love gives us thrill, the feeling of excitement, the feeling when you’re uncertain about something but when you have that special someone with you, you’re sure to wing it all,” jaehyun suggests, earning nods of approval from the rest of your groupmates.

“you’re a pro at this, mr. romantic,” you teased him, earning a soft chuckle. a dimpled smile is etched onto his features, rosy cheeks and his eye smile making you fawn. prince-like visual and a sense of humour? a two in one package, totally.

“not really. i guess i’m a sucker for romance movies,” he rubbed the back of his neck. your small conversation came to a halt when you heard a crooked, loud sound coming from the rough strum on the guitar strings. you turned around to see sicheng gazing directly towards the both of you, a sharp one even. jaehyun just blinked his eyes before catching onto the situation unfolding in front of him while you’re still being completely oblivious. you tilted your head in confusion, unsure of what’s gotten into him.

it’s the day that yangyang has been looking forward to since the past few weeks, his dance tournament. you’re seated with ningning on the bleachers, music from the loudspeakers echoing through the walls. with the cheers of the bewatchers whenever someone captivated them with a trick or dance move, usually the risky ones, it truly is a loud atmosphere.

“now, welcoming contestant number 43 to take the stage,” the host announced, you and ningning clapped with all your might, shouting words of encouragement as well. yangyang took a deep breath before lifting his right hand up, cueing for the music to start playing. just then, there’s the sound of someone plopping down on the hard surface next to you - sicheng. he’s looking casual today, a light yellow hoodie replacing his usual dark clothings.

“what are you doing here?” you shout whispered while ningning raised her eyebrows at you.

“didn’t yangyang tell you? i’m here to watch him dance,” he countered your question before darting his eyes back to the boy who’s busy popping on the dance floor, tinashe’s song playing in the background. he ended his routine with a moonwalk, making his way to the end of the stage. you’re confident that he’s going to win the competition, looking at how precise and clean his moves were. all the late night practices he had eventually paid off when he’s announced as the second placer. nonetheless, he’s still proud of himself, not to mention you and ningning who have been with him throughout his whole journey.

“you did well,” sicheng welcomed him with a fist bump which he reciprocated back. you didn’t know that they were this good of friends.

“i’m starving,” he rubbed his hand onto his stomach, making you remember that your stomach has been rumbling since you only ate a cereal bar that morning. you were about to catch up to yangyang and ningning who were walking fast ahead when you felt a tug on your shirt, looking down to see sicheng crouching down to tie your loose shoelaces.

“you might fall,” he placed his hands into the pockets of his hoodies, waiting for you to come along.

“um, thanks,” you muttered out before catching the glances given by your friends, later teasing you about the scene.

roars of students can be heard coherently, filling the basketball court. the basketball captain, a tall one with black charcoal hair is shooting a three-pointer. the players are then called over to their respective sides for whatever strategy their coaches will be implementing in the third-quarter. the home team is currently leading by five points, knowing that the players wearing the significant red and black jersey have been training their asses off for a while now.

but why exactly did you come to the game tonight? besides from the main event happening in the moment, the other reason is now standing in his position, strumming his electric guitar producing a funky sound that vibrates through the walls - a cue for the start of another buzzing stage. sicheng has been bugging you about watching him perform tonight and after quite some time evaluating, why not? when he finally caught you among the crowd, he flashed you a flirtatious wink. right before the band bowed as gratitude to the audience, he gave you a gesture to wait for him at the back of the gym.

“you came! but seriously, thank you,” he rested the sparkly white guitar against the wall, enveloping you into a hug. this is new, you tried to hide the flustered state of yours as you reciprocated his movement. from the corner of your eyes, you can see a black-haired guy approaching the two of you, followed by one with long, white hair and a bandana nicely keeping the fluffy strands in tact.

“ooh, who’s this?” the first one wiggled his eyebrows, later introducing himself as guanheng, the latter named yuta. to your surprise, the bond between you and them are quick to form with guanheng piloting the conversation. not to mention his subtle jokes making you giggle at times.

“well y/n, your little boyfriend here is getting jealous so we’ll excuse ourselves for now. see you whenever,” guanheng banging his drumsticks into the air while yuta gave you a quick wave before disappearing into the store room of the gymnasium. the nickname they gave sicheng surely made you a bit shy.

boyfriend?

DAY 5

you’re seated in front of the computer screen, your chin resting on the palm of your hands and the tabs of different colours left untouched. you redirected your gaze onto the projector screen, the words ‘arrange, mix, edit and master like a pro’ on it. a long sigh leaving your lips, you try to remember what the producer said earlier.

don’t make the song sound too repetitive

a good buildup promises a good melody

you can have a certain instrument playing only on one part for cinematic impact

DAY 6

“i’m hyo and you’re,” she moved the wheels of her chair to the back a bit to take another look at the clipboard resting on the desk, “sicheng, y/n and jaehyun, right?” the three of you nodded in harmony, anticipating for the next order that will be given.

“okay cool, we’ll be brainstorming first,” and she proceeded to explain what the requirements for this project are. you mouthed out the important points she gave, soft rock, heartbreak and drums. you’re on a roll today, contributing your countless ideas during the first few minutes of the discussion. sicheng just looked at you discussing with hyo, your lips pursed slightly. his gaze seems full of adoration, even jaehyun said so.

“any objections?” hyo looked over to the rest.

“i think she made some great ones. i’m sure this project will come out fresh,” jaehyun voiced out his opinions, sicheng nodding after. he went straight to handling the instruments , you and jaehyun collaborating for the mixing process. hyo eventually chimed in on some times, giving small advice whenever you seem stuck in the brain. with the hours ticking by, you’re feeling more satisfied than ever with your earphones in, listening to the final product created.

all of the participants are then assembled in the hall again, waiting for a final speech by the director which formalizes the end of the camp. sure, you’ve earned worthy knowledge throughout the six days. but if you’re being brutally true to the sound of your heart, it would be how you came to learn sicheng’s true antics. he might be the cocky guy who thinks they have the power to do anything but in truth, he’s just some guy with an honest heart, honest intentions to know you better.

summer break, your most anticipated event for the past few weeks. the moment the last bell rang, that scene in high school musical 2 kept replaying in the back of your head, the students doing a parade in front of the lockers picturing how your little heart is doing backflips in your chest right now. all the beach trips ningning planned is making you feel dizzy. you turned around to a voice calling out your name from the end of the hallway, your eyes catching the sight of sicheng jogging towards your spot. he stopped in front of you, hands on his knees catching his breath.

“are you free tomorrow night? there’s a party at guanheng’s and you know, it would be really cool if you join,” his fingers tracing onto each other, waiting patiently for your response.

you didn’t even have the time to process his invitation when ningning crashed her body against yours, yangyang following suit.

“a party? y/n would totally love to come, right?” ningning nudged your arms softly while yangyang tried to stifle a giggle. you were about to mouth out a ‘what?’ before sicheng cut you off.

“cool, you guys should come too. tomorrow at 10,” he and yangyang exchanged finger guns gestures before leaving the three of you. you just stood there in disbelief, eyeing them up and down before ningning dragged you to the parking lot. a stringful of grumbles escaped your lips, making the guy laugh obnoxiously.

“i can’t believe you guys did that,” you extended the seat belt, buckling it to the slot beside you.

“please. but you do want it, right?” you can’t deny, what she said was true. plus, you should have some fun and distress before having to go back to the usual dull routine of yours.

“how do i look?” you turn around, revealing the baby pink crop top and flare pants on your legs. it’s not your best outfit but giving the cliche excuse - you have nothing to wear, the two articles totally complements each other

“you look hot, that’s all i gotta say. right, yang?” ningning lifted her head from the headboard, glancing over at yangyang who’s going over his messages.

“yeah totally,” he lifted his hands, giving you a thumbs up. you threw a jacket onto your shoulders and grabbed the black purse on your dresser, glancing at the wall mirror one last time.

from the moment you stepped into the venue - guanheng’s place, smells of alcohol lingered around your nose, a group of people cheering ever so loudly over a game of beer pong, some already passed out on the couch. not to mention a brownish stain on the carpet - probably from someone throwing up. the mess would take a whole day to get rid off, you note to yourself. your friends are no longer to be found, both of them getting affiliated with god knows what. your eyes scanned the living room for sicheng but his presence is still nowhere to be found.

you decided to step towards the kitchen bar, pouring a drink for yourself. the mixed sweet and sour taste of it remained on your tongue for a couple of seconds. looking over at the snacks served, you grabbed a strawberry flavoured lollipop from the clear bowl. the crowd is cheering loudly for some type of incident happening at the back of the room, the music has been turned up to be a little louder than the volume before and you’re suddenly getting a little bit overwhelmed. you grabbed your purse and stepped out, inhaling some fresh air and looking up to the starry night sky.

“y/n? where have you been?” sicheng approached you from behind, making you a bit startled.

“sorry, hanging out outside can calm me. where did you go?” you popped the lollipop into your mouth.

“some jerk decided to throw up in front of me,” you pinched your nose with a disgusted expression, making him roll his eyes.

“do you want me to accompany you out here?” he offered. you just nod your head, placing yourself on the patio with him following suit. the sweetening flavour empowering your senses. it’s definitely much more calm out here, allowing you to clear up your mind. it’s not that you hate the atmosphere in the house right now, you’re just not in the mood.

“you know, you look pretty,” you turned around to meet his face. his brown eyes brimming with unconfessed love.

“shut up, stop with the jokes,” you lightly land a smack on his arms.

“what if i say i’m not joking?” he looked straight into your eyes, trying to find any emotion inside you. the sudden seriousness is making you feel much more awkward so you forced out a laugh, turning your attention right back upwards. the stars are shining brightly tonight, you can almost spot a constellation.

“i know what you’re doing, dong sicheng. just stop it already, it’s not working on me.” denial, that’s what you’re experiencing in the hot minute.

a gentle tug can be felt on your wrist, his eyes still not leaving yours.

“didn’t anyone tell you before? you’re really pretty. like, i can’t even describe it to you. you’re just,” he leaned over to caress your cheeks, “pretty,”.

what jaehyun said on the other day is true, after all.

love gives us thrill, the feeling of excitement, the feeling when you’re uncertain about something but when you have that special someone with you, you’re sure to wing it all.

your heart is beating so fast, it could fall out of your chest at any moment now. even the faint music blasting through the speakers inside the house can’t flush down the sound of your heartbeat. you’re not used to this, the sudden need of the significant skin to skin contact that symbolizes love between two individuals.

“can i?” his face in a very near proximity from yours, whispering into your right ear with his honey-like voice. you pulled the candy away from your mouth and nod, giving him the approval he needed before he dived in. heat rose from your stomach to your chest. you could only focus on how soft his crimson lips felt on yours, invading your privacy by all senses. you felt the kiss expand beyond your bodies, whirling you round, swirling you into the stars. he pulled away with a soft smile, you thought you could melt right then and there.

“wow,” that was the only word escaping your throat. your jumping heart still hasn’t settled down yet, your very first kiss still feeling surreal. you could see that sicheng is very much mirroring your emotions, his slender fingers grazing over his lips - the one that has come in contact with yours.

“the strawberry lollipop is sweet,” he commented, making the both of you laugh.

a ping from your phone awakened you from the gushy eye contact with him, unlocking it only to find yangyang’s text message. the second part of it made you fluster.

yang: yo r u coming in or what? and congrats for the kiss, we thought we’d have to wait longer for this

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evilmortys · 3 years

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okay, so, here are my thoughts on the finale,

i’m gonna start with the things i didn’t like, just because of who i am as a person! my feelings are mixed, but... looks lovingly at evil morty. he truly was the only exception as usual ♥

i’m not going to lie, this whole thing felt. rushed. although some of rick’s meta commentary about not touching citadel shit because it was canon and he and morty were supposed to be going back to lighthearted one off adventures, and “the second he reveals that he’s evil, we’re out” made me laugh, it also felt very disingenuous and ham-fisted. having him do all these fourth wall breaks honestly took away from the impact of what this episode could have been, but whatever.

i just got the vibe that they wanted everyone to stfu about the citadel and evil morty, so they quickly stuck together this episode that dealt with fans’ demand in one fell swoop so they could move on from the existence of both plotlines. i honestly thought it was a bit wasteful since tales from the citadel resonated with a lot of fans and it was an interesting bit of worldbuilding with compelling narratives going on.

you already all likely know how irritated i am with morty’s character degrading so much once again. this entire season has been building him up to becoming so much more capable, only to wrench it away from him again by instead having his co-dependency with rick ramped up to the point it was literally out of character. this has come out of nowhere. at no point in the show’s entire run has morty ever been this needy with rick.

again, i feel like this may have been written around what eventually ended up happening at the citadel, with the revelation that mortys are ‘bred for forgiveness.’ it would have been far more compelling for our morty to have continued to go down the path of being decidedly unforgiving of rick’s bullshit, thereby making him deviate from the norm in a similar way to evil morty himself and implicating that the cycle of a morty going to these extremes is going to be repeated once again.

rick did not deserve or earn voicing the recognition that his dynamic with morty was toxic, and abusive. are you fucking kidding me? the smartest man in the universe only JUST clocked onto that? bullshit! he’s known all along, and he’s been using it for his own gain! he doesn’t get to just say it with that regretful voice as if he’s been clueless / oblivious to it this entire time. they just wanted the audience to feel sympathetic for him by throwing in this tidbit and a tragic backstory, as if that even sort of makes up for everything he’s put his family through.

abandoning the people you’ve hurt is ALSO abusive and toxic behaviour! he’s done it time and time again! how is acknowledging the fact that you hurt people, that you hurt your family, the people that love you despite the fact you objectively don’t deserve it, then ditching them once again instead of staying with them and improving as a person and helping everyone heal from what you’ve put them through, ANY BETTER?? he never changes!!

i also couldn’t really process the fact that rick just handed morty his portal gun like it was nothing-- i feel like him topping it off and using it behind rick’s back should have been a bigger deal than what it was. also, morty would not break a guy out of a mental asylum without a second thought. he simply wouldn’t do that.

we’ve fallen right back into the status quo of morty being stupid and rick being the smartest one in the room who always knows what’s going on, even when he actually shouldn’t for the sake of a few meta jokes. which is more annoying than i can put into words tbqh

obviously i hated all the parallels they were attempting to make between rick and morty having a romantic relationship and “breaking up.” never has morty behaved so uncharacteristically in any other episode of the show. it honestly felt disrespectful to all the growth he’s had as a character to reduce him to something so pathetic.

i guess this is less of a thing i disliked, and more of a commentary on rick’s character? but once again, his hypocrisy really leapt out at me once it was revealed that he always has a hand in bringing together beths and jerrys in order to ensure that more mortys will end up in the multiverse. i find it unbelievably sad that he’ll willingly ensnare the two of them in the throes of a relationship that he knows is likely to become toxic and cause the both of them to be miserable throughout their time together; they’re rarely happy / compatible together and always end up sticking it out for the kids. it also makes his constant shitting on jerry even more egregious and almost serves to call his love for his daughter into question for me. he’s using her as a means to his own ends by manipulating situations so she’ll meet jerry and they’ll likely end up together.

don’t get me wrong, i actually really loved the fact he had a hand in founding the citadel he now loathes so much, and i think the constant creation of mortys as grandsons ‘bred to forgive’ ricks is so fucked up and awful in the most intriguing way. it’s akin to him fiddling with the concept of keeping mortys in constant pain to cloak his comings and goings around the multiverse (on paper, morty, on paper!), except this time he did it in reality.

evil morty. oh my god, evil morty. my saving grace. my ray of light. i’m so, so, so pleased with the way he was handled. while i admit i was looking forward to more of a slow - burn thing, getting a bit of insight into his presidency and possibly exploring a dynamic with him and c-137 (we’ll get to that)... i honestly still really loved what ended up happening with him, even though i still believe on some level that they just wanted to tie up his narrative thread so fans wouldn’t remain fixated on him.

of course he did. of course that motherfucker rick created a boundary within the infinite multiverse that ensured he’d always be the smartest man within it as far as mortys and other people in his life were concerned. i’ve always found it odd that such universes were never brought up even in passing; the nature of infinite possibilities always dictated that someone smarter than him must exist out there, and that worlds existed where he was nobody special.

him being morally gray. i could cry. i was clinging on to the hope that it would be shown he hates ricks more than he looks down on mortys, and it absolutely was. while he was okay with killing and hurting mortys to achieve his own “selfish” ends, it’s clear that he’s unhappy with the cycle of abuse from their infinite grandfathers that pushes him to these extremes, loathes the concept that mortys are not supposed to defy their ricks. “if you’ve ever been sick of him, you’ve been evil morty too.” he hates ricks FAR more than he does mortys, and you can pry that from my cold, dead hands. he believes mortys are beyond help because of the way they stick by rick-- the fact they’re literally created with being yes-men for rick in mind.

he didn’t seek to make changes for the greater good of other mortys within the citadel. i think he understood on some level, it was impossible. i think he has this belief that other mortys are part of the problem, because they perpetuate the cyclic dynamic of toxicity and harm-- they don’t move to break free from it the way he does, and so he feels no guilt leaving them behind while he breaks into the aspect of the multiverse where rick has no power. it’s honestly heartbreaking that he’s come to have a mindset like that.

i think seeing c-137 reach out to help rick up once again instead of accepting what i hope and pray was a semi - genuine offer to join him as he departed was just yet another instance of him witnessing a morty doing the most to save the man who makes their lives a living hell. if he was truly unsympathetic, he’d have made no such offer. if he thinks a morty is capable of pulling away from the hold ricks have on them, he wants them out of this shit just as much as he himself wants to break free from it. i think he has the mindset that i know they tried to play it off with “haha the other seat’s a toilet,” but i don’t think that was the case and they were once again just undermining the moment for no good reason. SCREAMS!! don’t get me wrong what he did WAS selfish and evil. but in a way you can understand where it derives from

again, it REALLY irritates me they’ve undone so much of morty’s character just to ensure he wouldn’t end up taking evil morty up on his proposition. if morty had retained even a tenth of the character growth he’s been having from late season four until towards the end of season five, wherein it began to unravel, he’d have left rick. undeniably.

the yellow portal. oh my god............

it made me so fucking emotional to see that. he’s won. he’s free.

#rick and morty #evil morty #okay this isn't even all of them but it will do #alex talks!

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rainbowoverdragon · 3 years

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Thoughts on Ryo

This is an analysis of Zane Truesdale/Ryo Marufuji, focusing on his mindset as well as his relationships with other people. As I am basing this off the original Japanese version for standardization, all names likewise are their sub counterparts.

When Sho obtains a rare and powerful card from his brother, he believes he has it made. After this, Sho finds the courage to confront his bully in a duel. So after he draws Power Bond, Sho thinks he has it made. He gloats to the bully, insulting him, making outlandish claims out of the arrogant belief that he can't lose. Before he can use it, Sho is interrupted by the very person who gifted him that card. "You aren't worthy to use that card yet. Until you have what it takes to be called a duelist, I declare that card off-limits.'' Devastated by this statement, Sho proceeded to view himself as incapable of dueling for years; unworthy of Power Bond. It’s an establishing character moment for both Marufuji brothers, setting Ryo up as an impossible standard to reach in Sho’s eyes. However, for Ryo, his intentions are revealed to be more well-intentioned than Sho is led to believe. In episode 8, Sho realizes that Ryo wished for Sho to treat his own power with respect: towards both his opponent and his high-risk high-reward cards. This constant cycle of good intentions and misplaced words leads to a negative feedback loop between the brothers that seems impossible to resolve. Ryo struggles to convey his own observations to others in a way that doesn’t come off as condescending. Sho cannot take things past face value, and places his brother upon a pedestal that he cannot surpass. After all, how can you beat perfection itself?

During his years in Duel Academy, Ryo is the embodiment of perfection. He is the opposite of his brother, never missing a single mark in any area. Everyone constantly refers to Ryo as “perfect”, from his teachers to his peers to even the Kaiser himself. He even soundly beats Judai in the first duel they have together, a feat seen as impossible by the audience. But it’s this very idea of perfection that haunts Ryo, as he believes that perfection implies stagnation. If Ryo has perfect scores in class, there is no way to improve them. If he reached the peak of his potential in one duel, that means it’s all downhill from there. His greatest fears are confirmed when he loses to Edo in the Pro Leagues, starting a chain of losses that ruins his career beyond repair. Ryo is perfect. He is so perfect, that during his school years he never truly struggled against an opponent (Aside from Judai in Episodes 51-52 however he maintained the advantage for the majority of the duel). In fact, he suffered from the opposite problem. As Ryo is too powerful, he’d purposely hold back until his peers could unleash their trump cards against him. Only then did he defeat them with just enough power to avoid humiliation. His first loss wasn’t only his first loss, it was the first time Ryo found himself in a disadvantaged position. His inexperience with failure led to him associating the mere act of struggle with the idea of loss. Ryo’s inability to move past this is his own self-fulfilling prophecy. Being afraid of failure makes people play to not lose. Playing to not lose instead of playing to win causes chokes, which results in losses. Unable to break from this cycle, Ryo is abandoned by his sponsors. Which is why the idea of Underground Duels, a place where he can start over and regain his bearings is so enticing. At least, until they reveal the condition.

And at first, Ryo despises the Underground. He appeals to be released, he states it’s not what dueling is, it’s nothing like he could ever imagine. And how could it be? Ryo’s life is on the line, and for no good reason. The shock collars are there to make things fun for the audience, not for any other benefit! In his duel with Sho, who says that 'this isn't dueling', Ryo even admits he thought the same thing. It spits on the very concept of respecting your opponent. The collars humiliate you, egging you on to forget about the other person. And in general, is amoral (as well as a human rights violation). Underground Duels are almost always life or death, because nobody fights harder than people who are convinced they are going to die. And Ryo is convinced that if he duels the way that he always has, if he clings into his morals, he will die. His opponent, Mad Dog, purposely created a deck to counter him. So why should he respect him? Why should he not aim to win? Why can’t he aim to survive? After crawling from hell, nothing is the same for the Kaiser. Because every duel is another reminder that he survived. He is unable to see any match he takes for fun, every duel to him is life or death. In the real world, there are people who lose and wither away, and people who win and thrive. And by god, he wants to feel alive. He spent so long losing, something utterly unthinkable for the Kaiser of Duel Academy. Ryo was undefeated before, now he truly wishes to not experience it again. If forcing himself to feel that every fight of his is to the death, literally or mentally, then so be it. He continues dueling in the Underground, continues to utilize the shock collars he once despised. No matter what cost, health or mind, Ryo requires victory.

When Ryo is told that his health is failing from his shock collars, he doesn’t seek medical attention. Because to Ryo, being alive is more important than living. He transformed into Hell Kaiser achieved the great power that comes from becoming a monster, at the cost of self-destruction. He flirted with death, and finally has to pay the price. And he doesn’t care. As long as Ryo obtains what he wishes, he is happy. And what the Hell Kaiser wants more than anything else, is one last duel to surpass all others. Ryo would rather reach the limit of his capabilities, and die meeting them than waste away quietly to be forgotten forever. Thus he seeks Yubel, the strongest monster spirit in the Universe. If he meets an opponent of his caliber and 'shines' during the mattle, then he’d have nothing to fear in death. But he does. After entering his long-awaited match, Ryo admits to not wanting to die. He wants to live, he wants to leave a mark that can never be forgotten. Yet he doesn’t want to die. Ryo has achieved everything he wanted, shown the strongest he has been or will ever be. Before he duels Yubel, he comes to a revelation. At first, Ryo wished to fight the strongest being to win. He doesn't care anymore. Ryo is dying, win or lose the result is the same. Since he turned Hell Kaiser, Ryo only respected victory. The joy he obtained by knowing he survived another duel is utterly meaningless against Yubel. What happiness does he obtain knowing he survived….when he isn’t going to live to begin with? He understands that the duel itself is what makes Ryo feel alive, doing the most with what remaining time he has with his life. As Ryo tells Judai, his death is the end of the road for people who glorify power. And thus it’s no surprise that Ryo is taken out by the card he is associated with most: Power Bond. A card that lets you receive unthinkable amounts of power, at the price of self-destruction.

Out of all the people who save Judai from himself, the Kaiser’s impact is one of the most apparent. It takes someone who knows the suffering someone else goes through to achieve empathy, especially in Judai's case. Judai struggles with sympathy, as shown with his interactions with Sho in Seasons 1-3. Whenever Sho asks for help with his confidence, Judai gives him the helpful advice of "Don't be anxious!" Judai cannot comprehend being insecure with one's capabilities, thus he cannot help Sho directly. In contrast, Judai is more receptive to empathy. Manjoume's crisis in Season 1 revolved around the pressure others placed upon him to succeed. Judai deeply understands his strife, and helps him fight for himself. This is why Misawa's speech about accountability fails to help Judai utilize Polymerization. Misawa has no fundamental basis to understand Judai's feelings. In contrast, Kaiser's duel with Yubel awakens Judai's character growth. Ryo is Judai's cautionary tale, a warning of self-fulfilling prophecies. During the Graduation Duel, Ryo tells Judai that he possesses infinite potential compared to himself. This rings true in watching Ryo's belief of his own lack of capability to change, resulting in his inability to change because he destroyed himself beyond repair. In contrast, Judai has not fallen to this path. Watching Ryo's descent as well as his late realization means everything to Judai: especially someone so responsive to empathy. This is because they are mirrors of each other, to the point their character’s arcs are entirely parallel to one another. Both are idolized for the power they hold over others, both of them experience the loss of the pedestal they once stood upon. Both achieve the sharpest fall from grace (against an opponent with ‘Mad’ in their title), which leads to them glorifying their own power and abusing it against others. Despite their friends trying to help them, it is ultimately up to themselves to self-actualize their shortcomings. However it is Ryo, who thinks he cannot change, who succumbs upon his own revelation. And it is Ryo, who always believed in Judai’s infinite potential even in the Graduation Duel, who changes Judai’s path. Without Ryo, Judai would be unable to utilize his power responsibly. Because Judai now knows what happens to people who push themselves too far, just like how he used to. Power is not something to be afraid of or abused, but to use responsibly.

The Hell Kaiser doesn’t entirely work for others; he even states he fought Yubel out of selfish motivations. However, Ryo is also constantly associated with lighthouses. To the people that mean the most to him, Ryo is a light that tries to guide others to safety. However lighthouses are far away from the people they try to save, and thus it takes the initiative of others to help themselves after seeing the light from afar. This is shown by Ryo’s relationships with the people he’s closest to remaining fundamentally the same from his own side: regardless of his actual guidance being positive or negative. Ryo’s actions and intentions around Sho remain the same across both his younger self and Hell Kaiser: each time trying to guide Sho to become the best version of himself. "Until you have what it takes to be called a duelist, I declare that card off-limits."", is the devastating statement Ryo told Sho as kids. But Ryo believed his brother needed to understand true power in respect, guiding Sho away from arrogance and towards the light of good. His brother's weakness required defending. This concept is twisted on its head once Ryo becomes Hell Kaiser, who only views power or meaning in victory. Thus he employs the same tactic, because Ryo does not see the difference between restricting Power Bond to teach respect, and having Sho experience the same pain he did to ditch it.

Both Ryo and Hell Kaiser sing the same song. Ryo intends on ‘protecting’ his weaker brother by teaching him right from wrong. Both times, Sho and Ryo misunderstand each other. At first, Sho doesn’t comprehend the real reason why Ryo forbade Power Bond. The second time, Ryo doesn’t understand how Sho can cling to his own beliefs of respect even if he loses because of it. However, the one time Ryo’s words connect is when he saves Sho in season 3. And even then, it’s an admission of distance between the two. Ryo sees Sho’s pain inflicted by Judai far outweighs what Ryo had done to Sho. Thus Ryo advises Sho to follow Judai, since it’s what his heart truly desired all along. He then leaves, to force Sho into walking his own path. Ryo cannot spell out Sho's wishes any more than he does. And if Sho is alone, then he is forced to swim instead of sink.

Ryo’s association with lighthouses in canon directly correlates to Fubuki. As much as Fubuki is associated with darkness, Ryo is quite literally the light that shines through to him. When Fubuki was overtaken by Darkness in the first arc, we later find out that Ryo regrets being unable to find Fubuki no matter how much information and effort he scrounged up. Fubuki then replies that the mere act of trying saved him, as he could see Ryo’s feelings in spite of the darkness that consumed him. To Fubuki, Ryo is the lighthouse that guides people through the darkness. And when Fubuki is overtaken by the Darkness in an attempt to save Ryo from it, Ryo’s feelings once again vanquishes Fubuki from the dark. However, instead of the Kaiser saving Fubuki, Hell Kaiser explicitly protects him from Darkness. Because the two are friends, even after everything Ryo’s been through. This leads Fubuki to a revelation that no one else understands: Hell Kaiser is not fundamentally different from Ryo. Fubuki realizes that even as Hell Kaiser, Ryo respected Fubuki. Why else would he save him from Darkness? Indeed, every interaction of Ryo’s major interpersonal relationships are fundamentally the same. It’s simply his worldview that shifted. As much as Ryo wishes to respect others, he doesn’t think he can in a world where everyone must take advantage of their life to the fullest extent.

And Ryo, who cannot change because he thinks he cannot change, stayed as he was until it was far too late to be saved.

#yugioh #ygo #yugioh gx #ygo gx #ryo marufuji #zane truesdale #gx

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kookiepredictions · 3 years

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Jungkook Energy Reading

Jungkook is at a major crossroad of his life. Here, he has a choice to make between 2 roads that will potentially lead him to 2 completely different lives. The choices are to either stay the course that he has been following until now, or to level up to a new, challenging but highly rewarding stage. This is a very fun and interesting topic to discuss so I will take my time with this.

To give you a context, Jungkook is a very highly intuitive person since, like, forever. Ever wondered why (or how) out of... (was it 7?)... so many company offers he chose to be with a small company for a reason that might seem like a whim? Ever wondered why his social media posts gain so much traction? Why he trends so often? If you’ve felt like Jungkook is one of those people who just “gets it” that’s because of his natural intuitive abilities. At the cost of being hated on, I’ll say this: he’s not the best singer in the world. Yet, he makes magic with his voice every time. He is an average dancer. Yet, he commands the stage and holds attention like nobody’s business. That’s because Jungkook has always worked with energy without knowing that he did. That’s why a lot of his achievements seem almost effortless. Yes, he works really hard for everything, but so do a lot of other people. Jungkook has this innate quality of (almost) always making the right choices, being at the right place at the right time that, combined with his ability to work hard, creates these massive outcomes. He’s a super powerful clairsentient and although I’m not sure if he consciously he uses his gifts, subconsciously it has often rewarded him, and so far he hasn’t had to really think about it too much, because it’s a naturally-occurring habit for him. But now he has reached a threshold where he has to contemplate things. Needless to say, it’s outside his comfort zone and is making him VERY stressed. He’s at a juncture where he feels this strong pull towards a direction but is afraid to go there because it’s out of his comfort zone and as is the case with that, he is plagued with doubts, confusion, opposing logics, etc— all of which is keeping him stuck and stagnant like a deer caught in headlights.

What is the problem with staying in his comfort zone, you might ask, I mean it has worked for him so far. Generally speaking, there’s no problem. There is never a problem in this world nor is there any good or bad. It all depends on how we see things. That’s why one person’s curse turns out to be another’s blessing, and one’s trash another’s treasure. The problem here is that, Jungkook has done the unthinkable— he has started to have dreams and desires (lol sorry not sorry I like to be dramatic). For a while (maybe a year or so?) Jungkook has been in this place (mentally and emotionally) where he has been rethinking and reinventing his goals, plans etc for his future. He has lived quite a while with a certain idea of how his life is going to go and worked with that vision. But it was getting tiring and draining in a way he didn’t quite understand why, followed by something impactful that happened in his life— has made him question everything. He has been proverbially studying himself in the mirror and rediscovering his true self. This is literally changing everything about his life. His wants are changing, the things that make him happy (or sad) are changing, and he has been think A LOT about how he wants his life to look like from here on. He’s trying to manifest a life that he thinks will not just give him the usual, practical material comforts of life, but also make him happy and fulfilled from a soul-deep space. And as is the case with manifestations, the first thing you gotta do is make sure your mindset is aligned with what you’re desiring. This is where Jungkook is at right now. He knows what he wants, he is willing to put in the work that it takes, and has also been making plans and taking action... but wait a second. Just when he thought that it is time for him to reap the rewards of his actions, things seem to be going south for him. He is facing problems and obstacles in nearly all areas of his life, and this has him utterly confused because he thinks he has done everything right and yet, why is he not seeing results materialize yet? He’s growing tired of this journey and it’s even more confusing because on the one hand, he still feels like he has hope and that there’s a high possibility that things will go his way, yet on the other hand, what IS happening in reality is quite the opposite. He feels like he’s being pulled in 2 opposite directions and both have equally strong reasons to go towards. This is what is known as “the crossroads”.

The reason he is not seeing results is like I said, manifestations are ALL about the mindset. Point blank period. If you hold a pendulum suspending by the string, and just THINK about moving it without moving your hand at all, it starts moving. This is how pendulum readings work. This is a small yet telling exercise to show how our mindset literally controls all our actions. So without the right mindset, actions mean nothing because those actions are coming from a mindset that is not aligned with what you want to manifest. This is what is happening with Jungkook. He is making his plans and taking action, like he has been trying to have a healthy routine, eat clean, exercise, practice his skills, etc but he is doing all of this from an outdated mindset. It’s like building a house of cards over a slanted surface. No matter how carefully you stack the cards, they come crashing down because the foundation is not right. His plans are great, his efforts are sincere, but are based on a very limited mindset. He thinks, well I’ll do this and this and then I’ll do that and that and then... but something goes wrong, some plans backfire, some work related problems come up, financial setbacks happen, and he is back to square one again. Then he feels unmotivated and goes into depressive episodes and eventually picks himself up and tries again but the whole thing happens again. He is now tired and feels he has no fights left and also feels it’s all useless because the Universe seems to be working against him. But that’s not the case. The Universe is simply telling him that no matter how hard he tries (because that’s kinda Jungkook’s mindset right now: if it didn’t work, try harder and harder next time), nothing will come to fruition if the mindset at the base of it all changes. And the same cycle will continue.

This crossroad is an opportunity for him to level up, not at the action point, but at the mindset point. He has to switch from the “work hard, struggle, chase” mindset to the “attract effortlessly” mindset. Now, this is not something new for Jungkook. Like I said, he is a natural intuitive and has actually attracted most of the things in his life quite effortlessly if you consider the fact that he has achieved more at 23 than most people have in their entire lives. The “struggle” is showing up because it is a crossroad. So no matter how competent, accomplished, or karmically good or bad you consider yourself to be, everyone struggles at some point or the other, when it is time to level up. I mentioned earlier that he is a Clairsentient and his comfort zone is to live his life according to his feelings without giving much thought to them and for a very long time, it’s worked out just fine. But now it is time for him to step into the role of a Claircognizant and to give a voice to his feelings. The Universe has been pushing this role at him for a while now, which has manifested in his life into a lot of overthinking, which is the shadow side of claircognizance. It entails a very active mind so at the beginning stages of honing this skill, you tend to struggle with overthinking and your mind sort of being all over the place. Think of your mind as an out-of-control river which floods everything around, but when you train your mind, and make it follow a course, it becomes life-saving. Because in the raw form, any spiritual gift comes with a lot of sharp ends, Jungkook is resisting this gift. He is stressed from all the overthinking and feels lost and out of control. So he tends to go back to his comfort zone and work from his old mindset and keeps facing obstacles. Now you might think, wow, being a Clairsentient is no joke either, so why bother about being a Claircognizant? Like leave the boy alone jeez. But like I always say, the Universe gives us all free will. There is no forcing him. He has made this choice when he started asking for this new, improved, happier life. This is something he is trying to manifest and to do that, he needs to have the right resources. At this point in his life, even being a Clairsentient (which is still awesome) is a limiting existence for him. Jungkook is an old soul. It might be interesting for you to know that he is the oldest soul in all of BTS and he is an older soul than his parents and brother as well! However, his old soul combined with a young mind and the fact that he is the youngest person in both his family and his BTS family, wreaks havoc within him. He often finds himself in situations where he feels deeply and profoundly but cannot express the depth of his feelings externally. This manifests as a throat chakra blockage even though he has a very strong and developed throat chakra (the reason why he is so expressive when he sings and is very facially expressive when dancing and just generally very expressive when he creates social media content from a fun, good mood space). Like I said, it’s a limit. So far it wasn’t as necessary to address this. But as he ages and his life progresses, he misses this skill set. He thinks it’s about his vocabulary, but it really is just about putting a voice to his inner feelings. He could feel it strongly inside when something is right or wrong, but he can rarely tell you why. He’s a good judge but he’s a terrible lawyer lol. And it’s not even telling or convincing others, it’s about telling yourself— KNOWING what you feel and why. Now, in this whole period of dilemma, he is starting to doubt his old gifts as well. He is starting to doubt his feelings and the ability to tell the right from wrong through his feelings— because that’s what energetic stagnation feels like; it feels like degeneration of everything that is, unless you decide to build something new upon the decaying old.

This jump from Clairsentience to Claircognizance can also be likened to the jump from the 3rd eye chakra to the Crown Chakra. And I don’t mean chakras in the sense that exist and govern various activities in our bodies. I mean it in the sense of the journey of consciousness of the various aspects of our existence, from the Root to the Crown. A renowned spiritual teacher had once said that the journey from the Root to the 3rd Eye Chakra has paths and procedures, but the journey from the 3rd Eye to the Crown Chakra has no path, no process, no formula. It is based on faith and faith alone. It’s a blind jump off the cliff, “knowing” that you are safe. Up until the 3rd Eye, you might be connected, but you are still operating within limits, all of which are of course self-imposed. Jungkook is at this point where he is asked by the Universe to step into his limitlessness. I have discussed in his career reading that he is meant to do some really huge things in his lifetime, which is crazy considering he already has done pretty epic things. The phrase “chosen one” always comes to mind when I talk about Jungkook, but I’d like to clarify this phrase first. We generally tend to see this term as something that sets one apart from others, as if they are special and privileged. But know that the Divine never differentiates. Each and every human has been created exactly the same in terms of capabilities. So it all comes down to free will and personal choice of which path each of us chooses. The thing to know about Jungkook is that he is one of the most sincere people on earth— actually as far as I’ve observed THE most sincere. And before Armys comes for me, yes, all of BTS are sincere. But spiritually speaking, Jungkook is still more sincere not just compared to the rest of the members but the general collective as well. He is, at his core, a very purpose-driven person. He is the least matrix-controlled, for those who know these concepts. He can’t do things just for the sake of it. It’s important for him to have meaning and purpose behind everything he does. Sadly though, he has spent the past few years doing exactly the opposite. He has been stuck in a cycle of activities that don’t bring joy to his soul and this has been sucking the life force out of him and he has been feeling more and more drained and has developed escapist tendencies. But it’s not that he has been externally forced to do these things, at least not always. It’s more so a result of lack of consciousness on his part. He didn’t know he was doing these things. He did what he did believing that he was doing the right thing— earning money, paying bills, securing a materially comfortable life— you know, all of the matrix stuff. But like I said, he does not easily fit into the matrix. While a lot of people spend their entire lifetimes plugged into the matrix, Jungkook is the type to sense discomfort very quickly and want to escape. The reason being, as I said earlier, he is an old soul and has lived many lifetimes developing awareness and his spiritual growth. This is why in this lifetime, he is naturally a lot more evolved than most (or all) of the collective. But since we do not remember our past lives and only carry that “growth” in our DNA, it’s something that is inherent to him without him actually knowing about it— until recently. Jungkook has been undergoing his spiritual awakening, and has been developing consciousness bit by bit— breaking out of the matrix so to speak. It’s this reason that he is “chosen” to do what he is about to do. Not because he has been unfairly selected out of many others, but because he has made this choice for himself and been working sincerely over many lifetimes. For this reason, Jungkook tends to have very pure emotions, and by pure I don’t mean non-sexual (because there’s nothing impure about sexual feelings). By pure I mean raw, unadulterated. He has very heightened sensibilities and feels every emotion to their purest essence, gifting him with high Emotional Intelligence. Unfortunately, this is not always a good thing because uncontrolled, he often tends to overwhelm himself with his mixed bag of feelings and this also causes the aforementioned escapism tendencies. And this is one more reason why he should level up. Regulating and organizing his myriad emotions and giving them a shape, a course will help him channel these gifts into fulfilling his dreams and creating big things in life. There are many things he can do, like journaling, writing down his dreams, goals, plans and procedure on paper, create routines based on his goals, etc but I feel like he is past this stage and is probably stuck in the part where he is doing everything and sometimes he has his wins but these wins are not becoming stable, and he is still getting his tower moments from time to time. This should mean one thing— he has reached the last stage of this journey, which like I said, is the journey to the Crown Chakra— the state of complete faith.

When discussing the concept of complete faith, we often use terms like blind faith, unquestioning faith, etc and while these terms are not exactly wrong per se, they can create misunderstandings. The Divine has blessed us with the ability to think, question and judge, not for nothing. Is it possible to have blind faith? Of course, lots of people do. But it’s also POTENTIALLY harmful to have faith in anything without actually having a knowhow of it. It’s not necessary of course, but for those who reach that level of consciousness, it is not just important, but absolutely essential to know the ins and outs and still have faith. I say it is more difficult to have complete faith with your eyes open than to have blind faith. Claircognizance at its best, is just that. While so far, your gut feeling has served you well and led you this close to the Divine, it is now time to employ your mind to catch up with your gut feeling and make sense of it all. While you learnt to open your eyes to the truth up until now, it is time to learn to keep your eyes open without blinking again and defend and embody the truth with your whole existence. This is literally the riskiest gamble. Like I said, jumping off the cliff. And that’s what Jungkook is being asked to do. So far he has been getting clarity about himself, his life and his path forward and treading cautiously with his small efforts and small wins, it is time for him to take the big leap forward. But the question of course is, how? And to where? While the details of this answer are with Jungkook, it has to start with releasing his limiting mindset. Have you ever noticed that whenever we have limited beliefs about something, either money or love or peace, the underlying belief is always that “I am limited”, “I have limited abilities”, “I have limited resources” etc. Meaning, any limits that we place on our external lives are actually limits that we think WE have. Money exists in this world, but I think I am limited in my potential to earn money. Love exists in this world, but I think I am limited in my potential to find love. You get the point. We actually do not think resources are limited, we think they are limited for us. Sometimes “us” means me as an individual, sometimes it means us as the entire population (cue: global warming, world peace, etc). Jungkook right now, is in the prime position to step out of this limited mindset into his unlimited potential. He has been operating from his limited mindset which is why his plans, no matter how well made, are failing. He has these big, beautiful dreams and has created this beautiful, peaceful life in his mind, but his old mindset is not aligned with this abundant life. The Universe has been nudging him in the direction of the mindset that he needs to adopt to align with his manifestations. I have written earlier somewhere that Jungkook thinks quite poorly of himself as a person and has self worth issues. In reality, he is the most sincere person Mother Earth has right now who has been working so hard for so long to reach this level of consciousness, it is safe to say no one else is as worthy as him to get everything that we wants. But by having these beliefs about himself, he is blocking the rewards that are meant to come to him. It’s like he has paid the price in advance, but is not accepting the delivery. Both because of being BTS’ golden youngest, Korea’s national pride, all the sweeping predictions about his future, and also his inner voice speaking to him, he is almost too aware of the great big things he is supposed to achieve, and although he does want them, a part of him is also scared and wants to run and hide and settle for something far less aka stay put in his comfort zone— all because of his limited mindset where he thinks he is not worthy of such things. And if you think you’re not worthy, obviously you’re going to think that it’s going to be an impossible task, which eventually either makes you take all the wrong actions, or not take action at all. This is why, no matter what his goals and plans, and no matter what actions he thinks of taking, he has to start with his mindset first. In fact, while manifesting, if I can tell you to do just one thing, it is to address the limits in your mindset. We’ve heard this many times and it sounds so simple but it really is the most, if not only, important step that matters. If the mindset is aligned with your goal, all actions will effortlessly flow towards that goal.

I feel like Jungkook has reached a level of self awareness and inner self dialogue where he is able to identify where his thoughts and emotions are going. He has definitely gotten a far better grip on his emotions than when I started this page, and contrary to what he thinks, his growth has been swift. It’s just that, we always expect a linear growth but that doesn’t happen with spirituality. And so every time he has a down time, he feels like he is back to square one. More so because Jungkook has such a perfectionistic and high achiever mentality. The reason why he seems to be going in a loop right now is because he has learnt and achieved everything that he has to with his current “limited” mindset. Hi future goals require him to grow out of that, not because his goals are something huge and difficult to achieve (because literally small and big are subjective both to humans and to the Universe) but because having a limitless mindset simply means to believe that I am worthy of achieving anything and everything I desire— without conditions. This is the mindset that Jungkook needs to work on adopting right now and everything else will smoothly flow from there. He needs to utilize the power of his mind— awareness, reasoning and self dialogue— to identify wherever he limits himself from believing his worthiness to achieve what he wants to have, and continue this practice until this new “I can f***ing have anything that I want” mindset is his default. Does it worry you that Jungkook will become an egotistical prick after that? Don’t worry, his soul has done enough work in the past to be grounded and humble through it all. This mindset is different from the ego-driven power-hungry mindset. Why? Because this power is the Source power. When we settle into our Crown Chakra consciousness aka Divine consciousness, we plug ourselves into the Source’s limitless creative power. The difference between ego-driven power and Source power is that while the former separates the individual from others, Source power recognizes the individual’s power as connected to and drawing from the Cosmos and therefore one we must give back to. It’s this constant cycle of giving and receiving in the Universe that makes Source power limitless, while the ego’s idea of power is one-sided and therefore finite.

Jungkook is kind of stuck in a place where, because he sees himself as limited, he looks to others to guide him, assure him, and provide him with the knowledge and direction that he needs. And that is because he has been disconnected from Source— not literally, but consciousness-wise. So far it wasn’t too bad, but now it is time for him to let go of the need for mediators and plug himself directly to the Source, i.e. work on his Crown Chakra. And as I mentioned earlier, it is as simple as just using your conscious mind to tell yourself, or more accurately, remind yourself, of your worth and your limitlessness. Jungkook feels like he needs someone to guide him, but he has forgotten that he has been prepared for the exact same task that he looks to another to do. Now this has a connection to his Twin Flame journey because his twin is at the same threshold, ready to level up to the same stage. The only slight difference is that she has already made her choice to level up to the new stage of limitless consciousness. And now it is up to Jungkook to make his. Do you what that means? It means a Union is on the horizon! After a long period of back and forth— one of them goes through a stage first then the other follows, and vice versa— they are finally going to be on the same page energetically, if Jungkook makes the choice. This is significant because Jungkook has been thinking that Union was something that was out of his control and he had nothing to do but to sit and wait, but all the while, it was a choice he had to make. Now, of course, this choice is not as simple as saying Yes or No. It’s a choice of consciousness— a consistent way of life that will, over time, upgrade and align their mindsets so they are both at the exact same stage. As twinflames, Jungkook and his DF are like the same person living in 2 different, alternate universes, with completely different lifestyles, work situations and challenges and the way they process these situations and challenges are similar, but not on the same page at the same time. They are soully same, yet because of their mortal forms being born and being raised in different environments, their ego-bodies have retained conditioning that make them different from each other in many ways, but as they shed their ego programming and connect more and more with their soul and with Source, they will be on the exact same page. This is when Union will occur. When they truly become one person in heart and mind. But this stage right now (i.e. before Union) is also the most challenging because this is where Separation truly happens. Physical separation is the least important aspect of the TF separation. This is where they are both on their own. They must individually find their faith aka go back to the Source, because without their connection to the Source, there is no TF connection; it becomes just another earthly connection riddled with alternating bouts of joy and sorrow, peace and pain. Usually in this journey, one twin is a more advanced journeyer than the other, who first “activates” the other i.e. leads them to their consciousness and guides them, usually energetically where when one twin crosses a stage, the other is literally pulled into that stage for them to cross. It’s like only one twin gets to make the choice and the other has no choice but to follow suit. This is also the reason why one twin feels more helpless and out of control. They are literally being yanked around by their twin’s energetic choices lol. But at this juncture, the guide twin has to leave the other twin’s hand, not because they don’t want to hold on, but because they can’t— they have nothing more to offer. This is where both twins get to make their choices individually. This stage is new for both of them and therefore they must individually cross this stage and meet at the other side. This is the period of ultimate spiritual growth, the after effect of which is blissful togetherness. But possible only if both twins make their choice to move forward.

I’ll end this post with a message from Jungkook’s DF:

Jeongguk,

I hope you’re holding up okay, partner, cuz I know I’m getting my ass kicked. Did you absolutely hate this journey? Because I didn’t. Just like you, I didn’t know what I signed up for either. I made a simple wish and this road has been bumpy but it has also had the most incredible views along the way. The way I have grown over these recent times compared to my whole entire life is crazy! I love who I have become and who I continue to become. And I believe you had a part to play in this. I know you don’t believe that so much. I know you battle with your own doubts, fears and insecurities, just like I battle with mine. You still measure your importance with how much you do for others. But maybe someday I can tell you how much you have done for me simply my existing as who you are. Because who you are will determine what you will always do, not just once or twice. And you have grown so much too! I have sensed that often. But unless we learn to recognize our growth, we don’t see it. But since I had VIP seating lol I got to watch you grow. Sometimes you resisted, sometimes you fought, sometimes you hoped, sometimes you held on to the faith when I was ready to give up, sometimes you were hurtful and challenged me to find within myself new depths of love and understanding. You made me cry, you made me laugh, you made me angry, you made me blush. But you never left. And I didn’t leave either. We tried though. Both of us. And failed. Repeatedly. It’s been frustrating and funny. How we thought we could get away and the Divine kept guiding us back to each other. You know, I think the problem is that we’re both helplessly curious idiots. Always wanting to know more, always wanting to move ahead. Obstacles never had a chance with us. We were always the introspective types, you and I, always looking to solve our problems, hungry for growth. As they say, careful what you wish for.

I am aware of your expectations of me, always was. But I had to hold back. I couldn’t do anything that I wasn’t fully ready to do. Right or wrong, I had to do as I felt guided to do— it’s my sovereign right. I guess because deep down I knew that you would understand. Of all people, you would understand. And I was right, you did. You threw hands and made a mess often lol but you still did understand and patiently stuck around each time. I know it seems like I’ve been running further and further away from you, but I have actually been getting closer to you. Spiritually. I guess soon it’s going to be visible as well. Now there is this stage. It feels like a strange place to be in right now. Good strange. I know you are scared and doubtful and expect me to assure you that everything will be alright. How can I? I am scared and doubtful too. Every day, I am in these juxtaposed energies of faith and doubt, sorting through them like... one moment I am super believing, another moment I’m all nope can’t do.

I know you want me to say that I love you and that I always will, and to promise that if we take this journey, I will be there waiting for you. And I want to. I really REALLY want to make these promises to you. But in the past I have been in situations where these promises were made and then conveniently forgotten later. I’m trying not to let my past control my present or future but I have also learnt that words can be forgotten, but intentions are forever. And that is what I want to say to you: I have the intention. I intend to make this work. When the time is right, I intend to give this my best shot. Tbh, I feel like I have been giving this my best shot for a while now, but maybe we don’t agree on that lol. And I also want to tell you that I’ve never felt about anyone else what I feel about you and I don’t think anyone else can ever take your place in my life. What that means exactly I don’t know yet.

The reason why I tell you neither what to do nor what not to do is because I don’t want to control your life. I know you me to show some ownership on you, and you on me, but believe me, you’ll hate it there. I’ve been there suffocating and it’s the most beautiful feeling to make your own mistakes, learn your own lessons, and watch yourself become your own artwork masterpiece and I don’t want to take away that experience from you. This is not my apathy. This is my gift to you. Also, yes I’m a pretty generous and just generally amazing person lol but do you really think I write pages after pages for just anyone and for no reason? Put two and two together silly.

You doubt your worth so much and since I do that too, I know how that works and won’t hold that against you, but it seems like now you have no choice but to see your worth. You must know, that I’m leaving you alone only because I’m confident you’ll find your own way. I’ll admit, I haven’t always been confident in you. Maybe I will falter again. But don’t you see, that’s the point? I will never be fully confident in you until you are confident in yourself. The more you doubt, the more I doubt too. But I’ve been observing you for a long time now and it’s just so hard to not trust you. Even with all the doubts and apprehensions constantly attacking me from all directions, I keep going back to you. I really hope my gut feeling about you is right or I’ve just made a big booboo lol. The funny thing is, I don’t care as much now. It’s almost like, fine, if anything, this will go down in my history as a wonderful, fun mistake and I don’t think I will ever regret it because in this moment I’m doing what I want to do— either it leads to a reward or a lesson, both are welcome. I have never been THIS vulnerable in my life like I hear myself say these things and I sound so crazy and stupid lol I’m so not my sassy and smartassy self right now.

As I was saying, I really do believe you’ll find your way. I don’t even know what that way is, or what your problems are, but I know you will solve them all. I’ll just be here, solving mine. How do I know for sure we can solve all problems? Because each one of the 7 billion people can. The only reason they don’t is that they don’t have a strong enough reason to push themselves to do that. Do we have a strong enough reason? How much do our dreams mean to us? For me, I have had this picture painted of this perfect life for a while. And yes, it has you in it. Very prominently. In my mind, it’s this beautifully balanced, harmonious, vibrant relationship with a forever after. And I don’t want to ruin that picture for short term hedonism. So I really believe, if our reason is strong enough, if this means that much to us, no obstacle can limit us from getting what we want. You’re not the only one who goes after what he wants and never gives up. I’m somewhat of that breed too. It’s just that this has clearly been a journey and it has brought some wild surprises along the way. I’ve struggled but now I’m learning to accept anything that comes with it. If the road leads me to my destination I don’t care how bumpy it is. It’s literally up to you right now. And I promise, it’s not even that difficult when you let go of resistance. All you have to do is consistently believe that you have limitless power to achieve anything you want and to create your reality the way you want it. I know it’s been a struggle and it feels like just the opposite, but it’s been that way because believe it or not, YOU have had these limiting beliefs about yourself and what you can create. I also know it’s been a long road and you’re tired, but it’s safe to drop the defences now. You might feel like certain situations or certain people are out of your control and how could you ever have things work your way, but it’s all in the mindset. The moment you reset your mindset and stick with it, you will see your reality change. In any situation, do not focus on the external events— they are simply the results of your previous mindset. Rather, ask yourself, what limiting thoughts and beliefs you have in your mindset right now and proceed to change them. I promise to you, people and situations will change to suit your needs, without ever having to deal with anyone. All this WILL happen, so don’t give up until they do. Twinflame, soulmate, karmic, friends, partners, colleagues— everyone will adjust according to your needs when YOU step into your limitlessness. Remember, it’s not just you who are tied to your karmics, they are tied to you too. An attachment exists from both sides. You don’t have to worry over the other person severing the tie, it’s enough if you let go of your end. Ask yourself, what are the common energies I share with my karmic? Identify these energies, heal the underlying trauma and ascend from them. This automatically ends your karmic contract and your karmic is free from you as well, no matter what their status is. The reason your karmics exist is because deep in your mindset you still believe that that’s your place and that’s what you’re worthy of— it’s part of the comfort zone you’re still stuck in.

I wish you well, my favorite human, I really hope I find you at the end of this journey. I want everything that you want. There are so many shared dreams and goals that we have— I will tell you all about my dreams one day. Until then I need to live some of these on my own, go on a little solo adventure, while I let you go on yours. And when it’s over and we’re ready (and no we’re not ready right now no matter how much you try to convince me lol) I promise I will see you again. When and how, I have no idea, but I’m happy to leave that to however the Divine guides us. I promise I’ll never forget you because I literally can’t. Love you!

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moiraineswife · 3 years

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His Father’s Eyes - A Kholin Family Fic

RHYTHM OF WAR SPOILERS

GO AWAY IF YOU DON’T WANT RHYHTM OF WAR SPOILERS

THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING. GET OUT OF HERE.

Title: His Father’s Eyes

Summary: Set in the middle of Rhythm of War: Dalinar has a late-running meeting so Wit suggests that he and Jasnah can watch Gavinor for a few hours. Jasnah is very awkward and unsure around her baby nephew because this woman will look into the face of god and spit cheerfully, but if you confront her with a toddler she will crumble. Wit encourages her to bond with him and it gets incredibly soft and emotional.

Teaser: ‘Gavinor solemnly picked up his little blue-clad soldier doll, the same one he’d had when Elhokar had rescued him from Aeseudan and the Palace of Kholinar, and walked steadily towards her.

Irrationally, she found herself sitting up straighter in her chair, gripping its arms, bracing herself. As if this was a chasmfiend hauling itself from a black pit on the Shattered Plains, advancing menacingly upon her, mandibles clacking, not her toddler aged nephew. Ridiculous. And yet.

He stared up at her with big, green eyes. Her father’s eyes. Her brother’s eyes. Both now gone. Dead. In part because of her failures. Now Gavinor looked at her with them, and the fear that she would fail him, too, assaulted her in a wave so strong and unexpected, it was almost overwhelming.’

Link: ao3

Commission Link: Have me write other cosmere characters

Jasnah allowed herself a moment to pause her work. She had been going without pause for several hours now, and she could tell it was starting to have a negative impact on her. Reviewing troop casualty reports from the latest battle was a grim task indeed.

Letting her mind wander, she glanced to the opposite side of the tent where Wit was entertaining little Gavinor.

It was...Nice, she allowed, to take her mind off the cost of this war they were fighting, to remind herself who they were fighting it for. She felt partially responsible for every one of the deaths listed before her.

Not only did she, irrationally, wonder if there was more she could have done to support them on the battlefield. She had sent them. She was their Queen. In Alethkar that meant she was also their ultimate military leader. She had ordered them to die for her, and her cause. And they had.

It was a worthy cause. Not fighting would lead to all of their deaths. To the destruction or domination of their entire world by the oppressive power of hatred. But it was still hard to read those numbers. To know their fear. To feel their blood upon her hands.

Gavinor reminded her why she was doing this. Not just for her family, but for all of the children on Roshar. She would win this war for them, for their futures, for the chance at peace for them that still lived. Its heart fluttering, lungs filled with blood, wheezing. But still. There was a chance.

Dalinar typically kept Gavinor with him. He had taken very seriously to being more involved in the little boy’s life, which Jasnah approved of, in general. However, he’d had a meeting with the army generals today, who had wanted his perspective on today’s assault, as he’d been the one of the two of them on the field.

He’d asked Jasnah if she wanted to spend a few hours with her nephew. Wit had jumped in to agree on her behalf. He claimed afterwards, in response to her cool glare, thought it would be ‘good for her’. Maybe it was. All the same, she wouldn’t have allowed it to continue without his assurance that he would stay with her.

Jasnah loved Gavinor. As the last good thing she had left of her little brother, and in his own right as her nephew. He was her family. That meant there was nothing she would not do for him. But he was still very young, and she had never been entirely comfortable around small children.

They seemed so...Strange. So alien. They felt unpredictable to her, unknowable, irrational. That unsettled her more than she would ever openly admit.

An adult you could ask questions, you could track patterns and learn to read their emotions, their moods, their personality. You could predict their future behaviours based on observation of their past. They were far easier for her to understand and respond to.

Children were precisely the opposite. And they seemed so...Fragile. Not simply physically. It was so easy to say the wrong thing, to cause unintended distress. They were as changeable and flighty as the seasons. Happy and content one moment, screaming with some unknowable torment the next. She hated the sound of their crying. It cut through her, and it made it very difficult to focus on anything else.

Wit, meanwhile, was so natural with Gavinor, it was as though he’d been made for this purpose.

This being, so ancient and alien in so many ways, seemed able to do so easily things that seemed impossible to her. The ease with which he seemed to communicate, and connect with other people. How he seemed to instantly understand them.

His long life experience no doubt assisted with this, but she knew it was more than that. This was who he was, who he had always been. He had not needed that experience to know how to do this.

He had used another form of Investiture he called Awakening to bring her nephew’s little Kholin doll to life. It now walked around, allowing Gavinor to chase it, hugging him when he caught up to it.

The child had been quite upset at first that his little soldier would not pick up a sword or fight. All it did was hug him, and play with him. She’d caught Wit’s eye when this had first come to light and an understanding had passed between them. A gratitude she had not been able to put into words.

Jasnah understood her Uncle’s desire to have Gavinor with him, and why that meant he had brought him here, despite it being a warzone. He was trying so hard to avoid making the mistakes he personally had made before that he was ignoring the others they were making.

She didn’t know a great deal about children. Though she had done as much research as her current schedule would allow. But she did not think encouraging a five year old’s preoccupation with violence and revenge was a healthy thing.

She would be damned if she allowed her brother’s only son to be drawn into continuing the same cycle of pointless, painful revenge that had killed him.

Whatever else Elhokar might have wanted for Gavinor, it would never be that.

They had talked, a little, before she had left the Plains for her research. On quiet evenings alone in his palace complex save flamespren dancing in the hearth. She wished, sometimes, she’d made time for more of those.

They had spoken together about the revenge against the Listeners for what they had done to their father. It had been a complex thing within Elhokar, though it had never been a driving force for her.

Emotion was a difficult thing for both of them, but in different ways. Jasnah often felt that she didn’t have enough input. That everyone around her got so much more from the world around them than she did. That in turn made their own responses so much stronger, and more consuming than it had ever felt for her.

Elhokar...Elhokar had gotten far too much input.

Jasnah loved their Uncle Dalinar. And she had loved their father in his own right. She knew they had both tried their best for him. But they had never allowed Elhokar to be his own person. Every decision he made. Every path that he took. Every feeling he had. Every thought that entered his mind was subject not only to his own will, but to theirs.

It was not enough for Elhokar to do what he’d thought was right. He also had to do what he thought his father, and Dalinar, would think was right. Their approval and judgement had always seemed to have more weight in his mind than his own.

Declaring war on the Listeners had, in part, been a reaction of grief and pain at losing his father. But he’d confessed to her, in private, and under the strictest oath of confidence, that he had also partially done it because he felt it was what was expected of him.

The Alethi were a warlike people. It was how they dealt with almost everything. This was something Jasnah was working, with Wit’s help, to change. The foundation of a people’s society being violence and conflict could never lead to stability or longevity. The formation of their own storming unified kingdom had only come because of war against their own.

It would be unthinkable, then, that the Alethi would not go to war with the Listeners in retribution. It was not enough to execute those who had ordered Gavilar’s assassination. It was not enough to exile them from their lands. It was not enough. It was not enough. It was never enough. That was the problem.

Everyone expected Elhokar to declare war, and so he had.

They all expected him to relentlessly pursue vengeance for his father, and so he had.

Anything less, anything other, might have implied that he didn’t care, and he couldn’t have that.

Some had suggested that of Jasnah, when she’d left the Plains to pursue her research. Foolishness. But she had felt able to do what she thought was right. Elhokar...Elhokar had always been forced to do what he thought others felt was right.

Her heart ached for her brother in that moment. She did not often think of him. There was so much to do. So much else to focus on. Something she did deliberately, perhaps, to avoid this second grief and failure that now haunted her. But when she did…

She still remembered him as the child he had been. Eager, and earnest, and so desperate to please everyone. To do good. To live up to his father’s name expectations.

That had never been possible. And that had been the true tragedy of her brother’s life: it had always been doomed. He had spent so much time chasing that impossible dream, trying to attain a thing that he had been destined to fail at before he’d ever begun.

Sighing, she stopped her thoughts as they began to spiral down into a pool of grief. Instead, she focused on Wit and Gavinor.

He had used Lightweaving to create a whole scene for him to play in. Something gentle, and calm. Dalinar wouldn’t have approved, likely, but it made Jasnah smile a little.

There was thick green grass that did not pull away and hide when the little boy ran through it. Gavinor was giggling, chasing small round, furry creatures with too large ears that kept popping in and out of holes in the ground.

Every now and then he hurtled past Wit and made some request of him to add something else to the scene, and Wit would bow and comply, weaving the boy’s imaginations into life around him.

Gavinor had started referring to him as ‘Uncle Wit’. Which was as endearing as it was concerning.

As if sensing this thought, Wit glanced up suddenly and caught her watching them.

He smiled, rather slyly, and she immediately felt a flicker of concern. He allowed the illusion to fade, and she frowned at him, though Gavinor didn’t seem upset.

She watched as Wit crouched down and whispered something in the boy’s ear, smiling encouragingly. Then he lounged against the desk behind him and folded his arms, watching, smirking.

Gavinor solemnly picked up his little blue-clad soldier doll, the same one he’d had when Elhokar had rescued him from Aeseudan and the Palace of Kholinar, and walked steadily towards her.

Fortunately, she was well-practiced at controlling herself, and gave nothing away. Not that the little boy seemed to pick up on, anyway. Wit, standing in his corner, cocked his head slightly at her. But uncharacteristically he said nothing.

Without saying a word, Gavinor handed his little doll towards her. Cautiously, she took it, and held it in her lap, tracing her fingers over the stitching on the buttons. The top one was coming loose. He could pull that free and choke on it. She would need to speak to his nurses and ensure that they took the time to repair it for him before-

Gavinor tugged gently at her havah, trying to get her attention. She forced a smile, looking at him instead of the doll, and said, in what she hoped was a warm, friendly voice appropriate for a young child, “Thank you, Gavinor.”

Wit, the insufferable bastard, was being of no help whatsoever. He was still lounging at the back of the tent, watching, as if he were at some sort of play.

She glared pointedly at him, but he glanced down at the desk at the exact moment she looked up and pretended to be busy rearranging his papers, so apparently did not see. Storms. She was going to kill him. She-

Gavinor tugged again, gentle, but insistent, on the edge of her havah and she looked back down at him. He seemed...Expectant?

Stormfather, why was this so difficult?

A part of her wanted to call Wit over, to ask him to deal with Gavinor instead. Though she very much doubted he would deign to hear her command. But looking down into those eyes, she couldn’t. She couldn’t just give him away, pass him off on someone else. Make him feel less wanted, and more alone, than he already did.

This was awkward. It was uncomfortable. It was hard. It felt storming impossible at times. But this was her nephew. Her brother’s son. Her family.

She was not as some people whispered. She was not a heartless monster. A thing that was more creature than human. A being that did not feel, did not care, could not love.

She had difficulty connecting to people. But she wanted to. Storms but she did. Most of the time. She cared, and she loved, and she tried. In her own way, a way most didn’t see or understand. But that had become enough for her, now.

Biting her lip, she looked down at the doll in her lap, then stood him on his little booted feet.

“He’s very nice, Gavinor,” she said, a little stiffly, but the boy didn’t seem to mind.

He nodded solemnly, “It’s my daddy,” he told her, very seriously.

Jasnah nodded back, which seemed the right thing to do, “I see that,” she told him, though she didn’t.

Gavinor studied her face for a moment, as though it was a book with text he could almost translate, but not quite. He wasn’t sure what he saw. Some cold, distant person he was supposed to call ‘aunt’ and love because they told him she was family?

Then he said, very matter-of-factly, “You look a lot like my daddy.”

Something caught in her chest at that, it was so unexpected. But she just nodded and said, “Yes. He was my brother.”

“I know that,” the boy answered, in a tone that implied she was stupid.

She found herself smiling, “Of course you do.”

“Grampa says that he was brave,” Gavinor informed her, “He says daddy was a hero.”

“He was,” Jasnah agreed, and meant it this time.

To his little boy, he had been. And that would have been what mattered most to Elhokar. To him. Not the pressures exerted by others. But deep down. In his heart. Being a hero to this little boy would be more important to him than anything else he had ever done. It would eclipse his perceived failures entirely.

Gavinor scrunched his face up in an expression she struggled to place. Was he upset thinking about his father? About that terrible day in Kholinar when that bastard bridgeman had murdered her little brother in front of his young son?

Then, slowly, hesitantly, he lifted his hands towards her, looking expectant again.

Oh Storms.

He looked as though he wanted her to pick him up, to hold him, perhaps to offer him comfort, as Navani had probably done for him countless times before.

Jasnah couldn’t do that. She couldn’t be what this little boy needed. She wasn’t her mother. She wasn’t even Wit, or Dalinar. They would have found some way to reach out, to soothe him.

She was not them. She was cold, and distant, and sterile. She was the last thing this child needed. She would only disappoint him, leave him worse than he had been before, confused, as well as upset.

She looked at Wit for assistance but he just inclined his head and gestured for her to proceed.

Storm him. He was probably right, but storm him. She wasn’t ready for this. She couldn’t do it.

“Jasnah,” Ivory observed, helpfully, voice so soft only she could hear him, “I believe that the small human you are related to would like you to pick him up.”

Storms. Even Ivory was better at this than she was. She resisted the impulse to bury her face in her hands in answer.

Carefully, hesitant, certain she would somehow do this wrong, she put her hands under Gavinor’s outstretched arms and lifted him up.

He sat quite happily on her lap, so that was something, but continued to watch her with those impenetrable green eyes. Eyes that had seen too much for his age.

“Grampa says you’re Radiant,” Gavinor told her, little hands picking with vague interest at the embroidery on her havah.

“I am,” she confirmed, with half a glance at Wit in a desperate plea for help. But he just continued his idle lounging from a distance.

She might actually kill him.

It would be both instructive, giving her an insight into how he returned after he died, which he’d implied he could do. It would also be an excellent remedy for her fury towards him. A scenario with no downsides whatsoever. That made a delightful change for her of late.

“Do you have a friend spren?” Gavinor asked her, distracting her from her wistful fantasies about how, precisely, she would like to brutally murder her partner.

‘Friend-spren’ was what Gavinor referred to the Radiant spren as. Children, from a young age, came to understand regular spren as features of the landscape. It had taken a little extra explaining on Navani’s part to help him understand Radiant spren. He had some...Unfortunate experiences with more intelligent spren who were always around.

“I do,” she told him, “His name is Ivory.”

“Can I see him?” the boy asked, a little bounce of eagerness in him, which was good to see.

Her mother said he was too solemn, for his age. Even Jasnah, with her limited experience or instincts towards children, could grasp that fact.

She hesitated, “He can be quite...Nervous sometimes,” she said cautiously.

Gavinor’s face fell at once, and her heart plummeted at the sight, “Is he afraid of me?”

“No, no,” Jasnah said, scrambling to fix her mistake, “He just likes to be careful,” she tried to explain.

Gavinor nodded, as if that made sense. Which was strangely heartbreaking.

“He-” Jasnah began, but she broke off as movement in the corner of her eye caught her attention.

Ivory had grown to a visible size on her shoulder. He liked to ride on the inside of her collar, usually, which allowed him to be invisible to most, but close enough to speak with her as needed. Very practical.

Now he stood, around the height of her hand, clearly visible to the little boy, whose face lit up at the sight of him.

“He’s very pointy,” he observed, after contemplating him for a long moment.

This was a rather shrewd observation, though he might not know it. ‘Pointy’ described Ivory rather well, in her estimation.

He reached out, then, surprisingly, stopped himself, and looked at her, “Can I touch him?” he asked.

“That is not for me to say,” she said. When he frowned, confused, she added, “You would need to ask Ivory.”

He considered this, then addressed her shoulder, “Can I touch you?” he asked, eagerly.

Ivory sniffed, “You may, young relation,” he said, at last.

That surprised her. Making himself visible was already a large allowance on Ivory’s part. She had expected him to refuse this latest request, but felt a rush of gratitude at him for allowing it.

The little boy frowned at this, however, “My name’s Gavinor,” he said, a little indignantly. Jasnah smiled.

“Gavinor,” Ivory agreed, stiffly. Then he said, “Hold out your hands.”

She loved him for the effort he was making in this. For her. She could sense his discomfort at being seen, even in this relatively private setting. But he did it for her, for her family, which he knew was of the utmost importance to her.

Gavinor glanced at Jasnah, who nodded, which seemed to encourage him, for he cautiously did as he was told.

Ivory walked briskly down her arm and then onto the little boy’s outstretched palms.

“I can’t feel him,” Gavinor said, looking disappointed.

“That is because I exist largely in the Cognitive Realm, young Gavinor,” Ivory informed him in his clipped voice. “I have very little presence in this Realm, despite my bond to your aunt.”

Gavinor blinked at this, then looked at Jasnah, who suddenly became very overwhelmed by the thought of having to try and explain Realmatic Theory to a five year old.

Fortunately, at that moment, Wit decided to make himself of use, finally, and glided over, squatting down so he was on Gavinor’s eye level.

“Ivory is a spren, remember,” he told the boy, “He has his own spren world where he stays. That’s why you can’t feel him. You can see him because your aunt Jasnah lets him be here talking to you a little bit.”

Gavinor scrunched up his face, trying to understand this, “Like the bunnies?” he finally said, looking at Wit for reassurance.

Wit laughed lightly, “A little like the bunnies, yes.”

Jasnah made a mental note to ask Wit what on Roshar a ‘bunny’ was once Gavinor had been safely returned to Dalinar’s care. In the meantime, the arm Gavinor was leaning against was starting to feel numb, and she really had to get back to those troop reports, and-

To her consternation, Gavinor yawned and settled down against her. Amusingly, he coaxed Ivory off of his hands back onto her shoulder first, as if he was a cremling. Ivory complied with characteristic dignity

“Aunt Jasnah?” Gavinor said, sounding sleepy.

“Yes, Gavinor?”

“You’re gonna stop the bad things, right? Like, like what was at home,” his lip trembled slightly, and he grabbed at her havah’s embroidery again before saying, “So they don’t hurt anyone else?”

There was still innocence in those eyes of his. For all seen before their time. There was still the belief, the hope, that someone else would be able to put it all right for him again.

She had sworn herself to this task years ago. Had taken the burden of protecting Roshar and its people onto herself. It was why she had bonded Ivory. It was why she had done so much, sacrificed so much, given so much all this time.

In this moment, looking into those eyes, she felt that burden grow all the heavier. She was the person Gavinor looked to to make everything right in his world again. She would do that for him. She had to do that for him. Or else die attempting it.

She tried to smile for him, and awkwardly patted his head as she said, “I’m going to do my best, Gavinor.”

He nodded, apparently approving of this answer, then, without further ado, he closed his eyes and snuggled into her. One hand held tight to his Kholin doll, the other held a bunched up clump of her havah.

She widened her eyes significantly at Wit and gestured wordlessly at this rapidly developing situation which was not something that could continue, of course.

Wit nodded reassuringly and moved away. She hoped he might return with Gavinor’s nurse but instead, infuriatingly, he just came back with a blanket which he tucked around the two of them.

“Wit,” she hissed, keeping her voice low so as not to disturb the child, “I can’t. I-”

“I do believe he’s already asleep, my dear, and so technically you already are,” Wit replied, sounding entirely too amused by this.

“Wit,” she growled, threateningly, though with a sleeping child nestled against her, she was not entirely sure what she was threatening him with.

She stared down at the little boy cuddled against her, and couldn’t shake the feeling that this was wrong.

How could he find comfort in her? How could he feel safe enough to sleep in her arms? How could he trust her when she did not even trust herself?

“This is a good thing, Jasnah,” Wit said, quietly, “Dalinar will be here to pick him up in an hour or so. It will not kill you to let him stay here and be held by you for that length of time.”

“This isn’t about me,” she whispered back, glaring.

Usually he always understood, always knew, so she did not have to struggle to try and put her emotions into words. This was something which had endeared her to him very quickly, yet now...

How could he not see the problem here? How could he not understand that this little boy was setting her up to be something that she could not be? He was going to look for things from her that she didn’t know how to give him. Things she had never known how to give anyone.

“I know,” Wit said, his voice gentle, “But perhaps you’re better at this than you think you are.”

“I think he’s just desperate,” Jasnah muttered.

“That’s rather harsh, dear one,” Wit commented lightly, “He is only five after all. And an orphan.”

“He is not an orphan,” Jasnah replied fiercely, resting a hand protectively on Gavinor’s back, “He still has his family.”

“Yes,” Wit said, quietly, “He does. I think he knows that. I think he may even know it better than you.”

“I still have work that needs to be done tonight,” Jasnah said, trying to be cold, and practical, trying to force Wit to take this child away from her, to show him why she could not be what he wanted.

Wit only gave her a soft smile and rested his hand on her back, “The dead shall wait, Jasnah,” he told her quietly, “The numbers will not change. Nor will the status of the war, or the analysis you will be draw from it all. They cannot be what you need right now.”

“And what do I need?” she asked, tone caught between frustration and curiosity.

“Life, Jasnah,” Wit said, quietly, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head, “You need to be here for the life that is happening around you right now, that will continue to happen around you, as you spend time buried in things that have not been, missing it.”

She swallowed, recognising that he was right. She took a deep breath, then settled into the chair, allowing herself to slouch into a more comfortable position. Reaching down, she took Wit’s hand and gave it a small squeeze in silent gratitude.

She knew now that he had set up this whole appointment with Gavinor for her. To give her this moment, this much needed reminder amidst this flood of blood, and violence, and death, that life was still there. Like new vines pushing up between the splayed fingers of fallen corpses on a battlefield. Unseen. Unnoticed, amidst the grief. But still there. And worth pausing to take note of.

“Could you fetch a cushion for me, please?” she asked, quietly, “I would like to make Gavinor more comfortable before his Uncle comes to collect him.”

Wit smiled, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head, leaving to do as she’d asked, a mixture of pride and smugness on his sharp features.

***

A/N: First of all I have no idea how children work. I am Jasnah when it comes to small humans. If this is not how they do I apologise. I am a hopeless gay who tried my best.

Secondly: this was supposed to be short and fluffy. It failed on both counts but I’m kind of okay with that tbh. It’s criminal we’ve had legitimately no Jasnah and Elhokar content whatsoever - not even after he died. So I PRODUCED this content. And finally: Jasnah being low empathy is SUPER important to me and it was a lot of fun to explore that in this. Okay Taryn out. Pls throw comments at me. I’m a thirsty comment slut.

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faulty-writes · 4 years

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Fantasy AU Scenario: Prince Mirio has a long line of suitors, but he's only interested in wooing and wedding Y/N, the "eeevil" witch that lives deep in the woods. Almost every day he comes to her cottage, ring in hand, getting down on one knee and asking for her hand. And each time, she threatens to turn him into a frog or something of the sort, but never does. She knows the kingdom would never accept a witch as queen, but Mirio swears on his own life; he IS going to see her in that white dress.

When Prince Mirio had turned 18, he was told that he had an extended amount of time to find a suitable bride so that the Kingdom may be graced with a righteous King and loyal Queen. Mirio had known this day was coming, but unknown to his citizens. He had already chosen his Queen, though it was the last person anyone would have expected. Given Prince Mirio was a desirable man, both brave and handsome. His smile lit up the room and his overly friendly attitude had proved to put even the most ruthless rulers at ease.

He had a long line of suitors, each one eager to have his acceptance but he always turned them down as politely as he could, “Sorry, I appreciate the offer! But my heart belongs to someone else and well, it just wouldn’t be fair to give up on them.” in fact, the person he had given his heart to was you. However, you were deemed as an evil witch. You lived outside the Kingdom, in a cottage all by yourself. You were nested near the woods, which was a good resource for collecting the various items you needed for your spells, soups, and concoctions.

However, there was always an interruption to your otherwise peaceful life and you hated it. Prince Mirio was the ultimate thorn in your side and you were getting sick of the way he always showed up. Usually, you saw him once a day, with the exception of a rare break in between. Yet, for some reason, he had such an infatuation with you and it made you sick each and every time you saw his face. He’d walk up to your cottage, dressed in his usual royal attire. A red vest, with white sleeves and touches of yellow. There would be a long red cape flowing down his back and he’d have white boots on.

His hair would be styled into a ponytail that trailed down the back of his neck. He’d always wear a bright smile and you’d growl in response, what was the most strange, however, was his need to declare his love for you. It was almost laughable, you were an evil witch, and though many despised you without good reason. The Prince seemed to have taken a fancy to you. So much to the point where he’d get down on one knee and ask for your hand in marriage. Of course, you’d always refuse. But even if you threatened him, gave him warnings time and time again.

You’d say things like you’d turn him into a toad, you’d curse him with a deadly spell. He’d just laugh and give you a compliment instead. Sometimes he’d show up with flowers and offerings of a horse or house pet. But you still didn’t give in. What kind of witch would you be if you did? Though even you had to admit, as attractive as the Prince was. It just couldn’t be between the two of you. What a laughing stock the Kingdom would be if everyone knew that a witch was the Queen. Even though the Prince always had to remind you he did not care what others, his citizens, the nearby Kingdoms thought of you.

All he knew was that he loved you and while you felt some sort of pull toward him, your answer of “No,” to each proposal wasn’t going to change. You hated yourself for caring so much about the Prince or at least about his reputation. But it was clear he wasn’t going to give up anytime soon, he was persistent. “Sunshine, I know you aren’t really evil! Someone so beautiful couldn’t possibly be bad and like it or not, I mean I’m not trying to sound threatening or anything. But you are the one I choose.” he’d say, a determined look shining in his eyes.

“I will see you in that wedding dress and you will marry me! One day! Don’t you worry, I won’t give up on us!” you would always roll your eyes when he left and peace would come to you once again, yet you always wondered why you could never actually go through with your threats. On occasion, you had thought of creating a love potion, so the Prince might fall in love with someone else. Yet, somehow you felt jealous at the thought of Mirio actually pursuing someone else, it was a rather endless cycle. However, you had gotten worried when he stopped showing up.

On the first day, you thought nothing of it as sometimes the Prince took a day to perform his royal duties and simply didn’t have any time to visit. But then the second day came and he didn’t show up. You denied the feeling of worry and instead, tried to make excuses for his absent behavior. “Maybe he’s just running late,” you suggested, trying to focus more on your bubbling cauldron than your paranoid thoughts. Yet it wasn’t working and in all honesty, you weren’t sure if you were more worried or scared when nightfall came and he still hadn’t shown up.

You had trouble sleeping that night, which is something you hated to admit. On the second day, you ended up sitting outside of your cottage, hands to your chest as you nervously looked back and forth. Willing for him to appear, paranoid thoughts of him having found someone else crossed your mind. Had he finally taken your threats to heart? A dull ache began to fill your chest, was this the impact, the influence the Prince had over you? It made you sick to think about and you were angry at yourself for realizing that perhaps Mirio had more of your heart than you led on.

You had half a mind to march to the Kingdom and demand to see him, yet you knew you’d be set on fire or thrown in jail if you did. Folks didn’t take too kindly to witches, so you had to remain where you were. Just wondering where your Prince was. On the third day, you felt exhausted. Both physically and mentally, it was a wonder how the absence of someone could make you feel such a way. But you groaned as you pushed yourself up from your bed, hearing the birds chirp outside. Though you could have sworn you heard whispers along with it but chose to brush it off.

Perhaps it was the forest spirits trying to communicate. But you could care less at the moment and decided to try and focus on your latest spell, however it required ingredients that could only be found in the forest. Eye of newt, poison ivy leaves, a handful of river mud. You let out a sigh and slipped on your normal black attire before walking to the front door. However, the last thing you expected to see was a crowd outside your cottage. You gasped and stumbled back before a voice echoed through the air. “Hi, sunshine! I didn’t mean to scare you.” Though your heart was racing, you slowly walked back to your door and watched as Prince Mirio appeared from the crowd.

Your eyes widened as you saw the white suit with gold trim he was wearing, still adorned with that red cape. “W-What is going on?!” you demanded, clearly nervous as you took note that the crowd was made up of the citizens from Mirio’s kingdom. Would they still hurt you even though the Prince was here? You weren’t sure and you almost felt like running if Prince Mirio hadn’t taken your hand first. “I know this is a little crazy, but I told you I wouldn’t give up!” he declared and you looked to the hand that was holding yours before focusing your attention on the Prince.

“What is this…” you hissed, clearly upset that people were invading your home. But Mirio, just smiled and pulled your hand making you stumble forward with a surprised cry. “Hey!” you snapped, wanting to use your magic to turn him into a crusty old toad. Yet, his next few words made you pause. “I think I was in the wrong,” he began, “I always said I loved you and presented you with the ring I picked out specifically for you but I never actually proved my feelings much beyond that.” you felt him squeeze your hand and watched as a faint blush appeared on his cheeks.

“So I made a choice,” you blinked and tried to tear your hand away from his yet his grip was tight. Much like always, he wouldn’t let you get away that easy. “What choice!? What are you talking about!? Get these people off of my land or I swear-” before you could finish your sentence, the Prince wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you forward. You gasped as you found yourself pressed firmly against his chest. You growled and fisted your hands into the fabric of his suit, almost wanting to rip it apart if not for the fact it was quite beautiful. “Why would I do that?” Mirio questioned and you looked at him as though he were crazy.

"What do you mean why would you do that?!" you snapped as you pounded against his chest. He frowned and kept hold of you before leaning close. "Don't be mad please, I know this is a little extreme but I love you, Y/n," you ground your teeth together, clearly upset that he continued to insist that he loved you. A growl sounded in your throat and you glared at him, parting your lips to speak. However, he beat you to it. "I know I keep saying it but it doesn't seem to be enough." he leaned close, resting his head on your shoulder. You couldn't help but blush at his actions.

"What are you-" before you could finish, he once more seemed to interrupt you. "All these people are here because I told them how I feel about you. I wanted to try and prove to you that even if the world is against us, I'm not ashamed, I'm not going to abandon you. I'd renounce my throne before I'd let that happen." your eyes widen at his words and it almost seemed like your heart skipped a beat. But you growled, refusing to let yourself fall for his advances and pushed against his chest. “Stop it.” you hissed, but Mirio didn’t budge. “You’re the one I want and I refuse to let you go.” he claimed, “This is my attempt, my last try to prove to you that my feelings are true. All these people are here to support you, our love and our future Kingdom.” he turned to look back the crowd before snapping his fingers.

You raised your eyebrow, your jaw-dropping when you saw a short man dressed in servant attire, he was holding up a white dress that looked tailored to you. The Prince smiled as he noticed your reaction, "I had it made especially for you, after all, you're my sunshine and I did promise I'd see you in a wedding dress. No matter what it took." a gentle breeze came and a soft blush appeared on your cheeks as you watched his ponytail carry with the wind.

Your heart was racing and you could hear his citizens chatter amongst each other. Though unlike you had expected, words of hate did not pass their lips. In fact, they sounded excited. Almost happy about something, you wondered what. Your attention was so focused on them, you failed to notice that Mirio had lowered himself onto one knee. A display you had seen countless times before, yet this was different. You slowly turned back to him, feeling your mouth grow dry. Your cheeks still tinted red as Mirio reached into his pocket and pulled out that familiar black box.

For the first time since you could remember, you felt your eyes moist over with tears. Mirio frowned for a moment, "Please don't cry, at least not until you hear my speech." he playfully winked at you. "Y/n, I know that while this is nothing new. You've seen me on my knee more times than I can count, I hope you'll listen to what I have to say this time," he chuckled before continuing. "I love you and regardless of what our future brings. I don't care what obstacles, I choose you to stand hand in hand with. I choose you to be my Queen." you clenched your hands to your chest.

A few tears slipped down your cheeks, did he really mean what he was saying? You watched as he opened the box, revealing a golden ring. Encrusted with the finest gems the kingdom had to offer. “So in front of me and all my citizens, will you put on the dress I’ve longed to see you in and marry me?” your jaw dropped, eyes directed at the ring that seemed to sparkle in the sun. You hadn’t realized your hands were lifted to your mouth until you turned to look at the crowd, each person looked so eager to hear what you were going to say and for a moment, you wondered how you could have possibly misjudged them.

You then turned to look at the wedding dress. Latching onto your lip, your attention shifted to Mirio who seemed to be wearing a hopeful yet scared expression. Did you really have a choice at this rate? You took a deep breath, lowering your hands by your sides. “Yes, I’ll marry you.” Mirio shot to his feet, a large grin on his face. “I knew I’d get to see you in that wedding dress!” the citizens began to cheer as Mirio slipped the ring onto your finger and you couldn’t help but look at it. Turning your hand this way and that, an evil witch for a Queen. Somehow, that sounded perfect.

#mirio x reader #togata x reader #bnha requests #Anonymous

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rbankhead-blog · 3 years

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Admired Leaders

Former First Lady Michelle LaVaughn Obama is a transformative leader that is admired for a great many accomplishments. She is definitely a visionary that sent a clear message about the need to improve school lunches and health outcomes for children, She started the Let’s Move public health campaign and focused on changing the meals that children eat daily at school. The message was clear we need to change what our children are eating to reduce childhood obesity. She invited children to the White House to help plant a garden, and she focused on dancing and exercising for everyone to include children. She used her own creativity and encouraged others to do the same in addressing childhood obesity. Schools removed many vending machines with sugary snacks, added salads and fresh veggies to the menu, included information to the curriculum to help children understand the importance of eating health meals and staying active, Her focused efforts changed the outcomes for 50,000 children in America and who knows where else. We can clearly see that she is a visionary leaders, that communicates a clear message and uses creativity while encouraging others to do the same. But transformative leaders do something else that she is also know to practice. They promote others around them such as Yene Damtew, hair dresser, Jimmy Wright, the hairstylist for her daughters. African American artist, Amy Sherald, from Baltimore, Maryland painted the portrait of Michelle Obama. Many people ask why the Obamas didn’t do more for the black community. Barack Obama was not the president of the black community he was the president of the United States of America and that includes people of all the cultures, races and ethnicities in this country. Michelle Obama also tackled support for military families, and she put focus on empowering girls to advance academically. Before becoming the First Lady of the United States she was already an accomplished lawyer and writer. She is a transformative

How did Michelle Obama impact my life? The answer may surprise you. I’ve had an twelve year partnership with the District of Columbia National Guard. I worked with the Family Service Center there to develop a program to support military youth while their families are deployed or somewhere in the deployment cycle. During times when soldiers were even at drill (military training) my staff provided youth development program to the youth. Michelle Obamas and current first lady Dr. Jill Biden created a program called “Operation Military Kids” to include military families and youth in the sacrifices suffered by soldiers. They included funding for the program and after writing a grant every year I received more than $700,000 for the “Operation Military Kids program at my university. They visited the DC National Guard Center regularly and treated everyone with love and respect. Both women let the families know that as ambassadors for America their contributions and those of their service members are appreciated. Currently, Michelle Obama host a reading channel where she and former President Barack Obama read books with children. She continues to give back to the American public.

Personal Transformative Leader

William Hare

William Hare is the Associate Dean and Director of land grant programs at the University of the District of Columbia (UDC). For the last fifteen years, he has been my direct supervisor. He is the supervisor that I have had for the longest time in my career. He influenced my career and family before we ever knew he would become my supervisor. I was in charge of creating and resourcing a literacy program that served both college students and youth in public schools. I hired a reading specialist, college students and to employees from an USDA grant to support the program and one day I made a presentation about the program to the UDC administration. He was in the meeting and coincidentally we boarded the elevator at the same time when the meeting ended. He commented” Well I guess someone is getting a large pay increase” to which I responded “ No didn’t you hear there are budget cuts and there will be no raises. He said “Those that don’t ask don’t get but I bet you would get an increase if you asked for one”. I received a ten thousand dollar pay increase. When I sent him a thank you for the advise I wasn’t sure he would remember me or the conversation. A few years later under a new dean he became my supervisor.

I came to UDC to have my Master’s degree paid for as I had been in a terrible automobile accident and learned how short and fragile life could be for anyone. My supervisor at that time assigned me both my work and some of the work of my direct supervisor who was her dear friend. I never complained, I just completed the work and worked on completing my education.

The problem was when she left the university and Mr. Hare came he was asking for reports that I was accustom to completing. My supervisor had never put together any of the information and she usually left the university every day at 2:00 pm. Additionally, he discovered that I had more education, and had written grants and reports beyond her skill set. When I submitted the reports as requested to him, he sent me an aggressive email notifying me that it I would not be the person writing a report of this nature at my level. My supervisor told him the truth in time and I was promoted in my position and she left the university for a better job.

As the leader of our unit he restructured the organization to allow more support in our smaller units. For example, I was only one person being supervised by one person in a unit. When the units were collapsed each unit included at minimum three employees and a leader. I already had two employees being paid with grant funds I secured.

Hare’s vision for the Cooperative Extension Service was for the programs to be come household names as we served the residence through of four land-grant centers. He met weekly with the program specialist to gather our input on reaching the goal of more visibility. Each center was given a budget to create new marketing brochures and fact sheets. fHe purchased display racks and placed one in all sixty-five libraries and recreational centers in the city. they were filled with our brochures. He created a marketing team from our group and he implemented many of our ideas. Additional systemic tools Hare used to support our goals included his practice of hiring qualified people and trusting them to do the work. He invited input from the team and near micro-managed his direct reports, Instead he cheered on our accomplishments and made suggestions only when warranted. Creativity was always encouraged and each center created their own marketing materials with the same UDC logo but very different esthetics. Program delivery was left to the program teams with monitoring and encouragement. Hare worked to remove organization barriers such as the excessive amount of time it took to pay UDC student interns their stipend in support of our programs. Directly he influenced my life in encouraging the new dean to promote me to the position of Director of the Center for 4-H & Youth Development and the State Program Leader for the National Organization. He has been a great leader to work with and an example of transformative leadership.

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bouvillea · 3 years

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G25 Part 2 Essay, Very Dense

There is very little I will say as a preamble besides that Part 2 was a very powerful conclusion to an extremely climatic arc. That being said, spoilers below and my Part 1 essay can be found here.

I will start by saying that although I am quite satisfied with this ending I wish things could have ended differently. This is the first time we were given antagonists who were actual individuals we had to overcome. And in doing so, we were faced with people who had powerful reasons and motivations to sacrifice for. That is something I will come back to later so—

In a broad overview of the plot of Part 2, we were given an uplifting reunion with Talvish, who claims that his decisions and choices were made with the Milletian’s best interests in mind. And it’s nice* to work together after so long, to finally have him fulfill the promise of being with the Milletian at the very end. There is a sweet moment where the roles are reversed and the Milletian asks him if he is alright. Instead of being asked to trust him, he wholeheartedly puts his trust in the Milletian.

*if you know me even just a little, you know I simp hard for this man and let me tell you I went from “I will be the first one to punch him” to “please don’t go” in a matter of minutes

And then, when everything is rewound and the Milletian is able to protect their friends and prevent the worst possible ending, all the Good Guys have a Good Time. This is of course, glossing over the fact that Deirbhile sacrificed herself, Tani dying with a finality that Milletians shouldn’t have, Piran falling apart, Treasure Hunter breaking down, and Marleid conflicted over what to do with her extremely Problematic Childhood Friend.

We still got to have a good time! We got to revel with our friends! Speak with everyone and catch up and talk and chat and eat and—

It was nice but I am very bitter because those good times only emphasized how different it ended for Cethlenn and Vayne.

If Part 1 was about trauma, Part 2 was about breaking out of predestiny and walking a different path that was set before you. This comes quite literally when Talvish appears and rewinds time* to save the Milletian from the future he saw. He (and later, Hymerark) reveals to us something that touches the fourth wall:

*not sure why I was so surprised that he could manipulate time in such a way when the Milletian’s first meeting with him was through time. Maybe I just thought it was through the Milletian’s powers that they managed to communicate but clearly Talvish’s powers were doing something. Oh dang it makes sense why he isolated himself in a desert for centuries now…because he can’t affect time that he has been personally involved in

The ability to redo main storyline missions when we fail them is quite literally the Milletian, breaking the flow of time to try again until we succeed. Due to the nature of altering timelines, those uninvolved with the messing of time don’t remember all the previous attempts. Later, it is revealed that all our redoes and failures have a negative impact on Erinn; it increases the entropy in the world as different realities are created and then stopped. Tani is a result of that.

It is further revealed that Vayne⁠—or I should say now, Beimnech, is a singularity who experiences all these timelines and realities. He must return to Mag Tuireadh whenever the flow of time breaks because it is the role he has been forced into by Hymerark. He is the counterpoint for Talvish. The two are diametrically opposed, canonical foils with mirroring ideals and views of the world. Beimnech mentions during Eternal Dreams that he has seen Milletians fail to convince Talvish* to change his mind about the world, or fail to garner enough faith in their friends. In the current timeline, Talvish is enlightened by the Milletian and so takes control of his fate and chooses to rewind time instead of having it cut off and restart.

*It is implied that Talvish also experiences the different timelines over and over again, but he forgets it the moment the timeline is replaced with a new one. Alternatively, Beimnech is also taken out of time and space whenever the flow is broken, so the cycles are even more unbearable because he is forced to witness them as an outsider.

Beimnech did not have the liberty of meeting the Milletian before he met Hymerark. Unlike Talvish, he could not surround himself with equal companions and could not hope for a life where he was not just fulfilling a role to balance the world. The only way he could have some control over his own fate as cycles repeated over and over again was to orchestrate his own death*. He remarked before in G24 that had he and the Milletian walked different paths, they could have been friends and not enemies. Both he and Talvish see the Milletian as a savior—as a guiding, bright light. But while Talvish burned alongside the Milletian, Beimnech burned out like dying embers** or a shadow too weak to hold up against illumination.

*maybe it’s selfish, but who can blame him when he only has himself? I seethe with the unfairness of characters that have no choice but to be the “darkness” to contrast the “light”. The “what could have been if things were different” hurts as do the inability to break free from what was laid out. I seethe, but that means the story is doing as intended and I am by no means criticizing, just empathizing (I’d highkey write something like this ngl I am a ball of angst).

**the refrain that plays when the Milletian is prompted to deal the final blow to Beimnech is called The Last of the Heat Fades/Residual Heat Fades Away.

Beimnech’s disappointment in the Milletian in Part 1 is suddenly very understandable. He had pinned all his hopes in one person and he knew they were going to fail. We even saw him return to end the Corrupted Milletian in the future that we never got to witness. He did for the Milletian what he hoped they would do to him*. And then for once, to have time rewind instead of abruptly ending? I can’t imagine…

*I chose to not stab him. Apparently that gives you more of his backstory. Regardless of the decision, when he tells you he lies for the first and last time about his death…

Something can be said about Cethlenn, too, who was “emptied out” by Fodla. His current name, Cethlenn, was given to him by Beimnech, which honestly if you know your myth and lore spawns so much food for thought*. Speaking to Cethlenn in Tech Duinn on Saturdays reveals that Beimnech gave him that name because he always wanted a right-hand man with that name. Whatever that implies to the nature of their relationship… If you have the time, please, please speak to him with all the keywords at your disposal. It’s worth it.

*another food for thought includes Sera being the one to help Piran escape and Beimnech noticing that. Beimnech being Super Old and Super Tired with so much bottled up Memories and Experience like the opposite of Talvish With a Purpose okay one day I will actually write a whole essay about their foils⁠—

Ultimately, Cethlenn is given the choice to be the watcher in the mists of Feth Fiada. He acknowledges his crimes* and so he refuses to exit (except on Samhain aka Saturday). He is openly antagonistic towards everyone except Marleid, which is understandable. He thinks he has tied Marleid down. Further conversations with him in Tech Duinn reveal that he’s pugnacious and as eager as Vayne once was to spar with the Milletian. He’s also very easy to bully. He implies that in the future, he may recover the powers he lost in his deal with Hymerark and will use those powers for the greater good so…more Cethlenn content in the future? Hopefully?

*what worried me the most at the end of G24 was that I could not see how he or Vayne could be redeemed. I would scoop them up in a heartbeat. But could my Milletian? Could the people of Erinn? Obviously not.

I know I brought up the concept of escaping predestiny and then dropped it like a hot potato so I’ll do some quick rundowns now of other examples. Enya realizing that she can have a life beyond just staying in her sanctum and caring for the Holy Flame, Piran gathering the courage to recognize his own existence is worth something, Hymerark* realizing that there is no reason to continue to mess around with people and she can just observe. I’ve rewatched the conversation the Milletian has with Hymerark after the battle and I don’t even know where to start…Talvish remarked that she’s the closest in resemblance to Aton Cimeni’s will since she balances both freedom and chaos. Maybe these higher gods were never meant to have sentience or conscience because the moment they do, they make decisions and bam the whole world is a mess.

*the Milletian seem to do this to all the gods, huh?

My current understanding of things is that the Evil God Balor was created by Aton Cimeni as a counterpoint for Talvish, who is the Guardian, the sentinel of Erinn. Why? For Balance of course. But you can’t just create someone to be evil. Somewhere in between, Aton Cimeni stops answering and while Talvish plots machinations for the future he saw, Balor’s disdain for his role grows and eventually beefs it in a fight with Lugh at the battle of Mag Tuireadh. His body is dead, but his spirit remains, picked up by Hymerark to be the…plug stopping Noitar Arat. I imagine Hymerark also faced the same struggle that Talvish did of attempting to carry out duties imparted on them by their creator but yet new to independence and the weight of their responsibilities that now fell on their shoulders. Hymerark expresses her faint indecision of hearing the wishes of everyone. There will always be conflict in decisions.

Meanwhile, Talvish realizes that the balance has shifted in the absence of the Evil God Balor and so the events of G21 happen, where he attempts to recreate the balance with his own hands and summon something to replace Balor. While this fails, Hymerark tries to do the same again by corrupting the Milletian and making them the final obstacle to correct the unending cycle that, frankly, started because of her.

In G25 Part 1, Vayne mentions that Aton Cimeni will always have a solution. I suppose in this case, he was talking about how even if he were to disappear completely, someone will always take his place. Just like how Triona’s role was passed on to Millia, a new darkness grows. Not without repercussion, of course. Something is coming and that’s for G26.

In the final confrontation with Beimnech, he offers the Milletian a choice to either kill him now and escape, or perish together with him in the rift. He mentions that in the end, we are all forgotten anyway. I don’t think that is the case. The Milletian lives and the memories of everyone they’ve fought with lives with them. That is their burden. Not everyone can walk a righteous path. Sometimes, desperate individuals seek the wrong help and I like to think that the Milletian recognizes that it isn’t just black and white, and that they are fortunate to have found the right people. Things are just going to get rougher for the Milletian because they’re also a guardian of Erinn, which begs the question: who is the counterpoint for the Milletian? Does one even exist? Does there need to be one?

Instead of ending on such a gloom and doom note, I’ll go full circle and talk about Llywelyn again and his mentions of a sibling again? And also tea time?? 10/10 would fake date Llywelyn just for the court gossip. (LF > political intrigue comic ft. Milletian and Llywelyn dating like it’s 17th century France) Also Llywelyn being the next captain of the Elved Squad?? Tried to imagine him in Talvish’s armor and as I type this I realize they won’t do something stupid like that they’ll just change the emblem on his armor. Alright I think that’s it I’m hitting 2.3k words so—

Oh right something something the Aces go off somewhere again just as Hunter was going to say something…can we get a base for them please? So we can just visit them? So they don’t just pop in and out of the Milletian’s life? Thanks.

I’m about to get super sappy so readers, feel free to skip all of this. I’ve been playing mabi for about 11 years at this point and it has been a long ride. I didn’t start writing these rants and essays until G21 and I also started drawing in earnest about mabi around the same time with comics and fanart. I don’t participate much in the community as a whole because I am an anxiously overthinking person. It’s no surprise that I found comfort characters in mabi and so I return here again and again (not that I’ve ever really left). We’re getting a new game director after G25 and I am extremely grateful for all he has done for the game. And in the same vein, I’m thankful to all of you reading this. There’s no point in creating content when there is no audience, especially when I am as reclusive as I am. So, to my new readers: thanks for coming along. And to my old fans: thanks for sticking around. Until the next chapter!

#mabinogi #mabinogi g25 #mabinogi g25 spoilers #bouvillea speaks #very very dense essay

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teiahlu · 3 years

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The Construction of Violence in Banana Fish

By: Teiah Lu Palhetas

If you speak to anyone who’s read Banana Fish, one of the first things they’d likely mention is the violence. As a crime thriller that follows an 18-year-old gang leader named Ash Lynx in New York City, based in the year 1985, both the comic and the animated adaption are violent from the beginning. The story never goes an episode or volume without threats with guns and knives, kidnapping, sexual assault or murder.

Codes and Conventions and how the influence messages about violence:

Episode 1 opens with what appears to be an eagle flying overhead. Traditionally, birds are seen as a symbol of freedom. This is an interesting contrast to the life Ash Lynx has lived. Freedom is something he longs for, that doesn't exist in his world. Ash was taken and sexually abused from a very young age by wealthy, powerful politicians. When he was only 12, he killed one of his tormenters just to have the chance at escaping this life. Despite the title America has as a “free country, ” Ash’s childhood shows that even though there are laws against violent acts, you can never abolish it for good. That he can never be free from the trauma he experienced in his youth.

At the end of the first episode, A Japanese boy named Eiji asks to hold Ash’s gun in a bar. Given what we now know about Ash’s past, this gun is something he used to take other peoples lives, a violent weapon, the only thing he has to protect himself. Eiji asking Ash’s permission becomes symbolic of trust as well as consent. It's an honest, innocent request without any ulterior motives. This moment is what draws Ash to Eiji. But even more than this, it is the fact that Eiji has enough respect for Ash’s boundaries to ask first. When Eiji returns the gun, he says to Ash “Thank you for trusting me with it.”

Image of Ash and Eiji for Banana Fish exhibition in 2018

In the end theme of each episode, we are shown the lyrics “Get away from me, get away from dark nightmare.” I believe that this is Ash speaking to Eiji. Telling Eiji to get away from him, because all he brings is sadness and chaos and he himself is a dark nightmare. This would be in line with the way Ash tends to view himself, since the audience is shown a lot of self loathing on his part. Especially when it comes to Eiji being involved in this violent world Ash lives in.

Lastly, I'll be discussing a vision Ash has under anesthesia. In episode 9, Ash is forced to kill his best friend, Shorter. In terms of him hallucinating Eiji, I view this as Ash believing that he has murdered Eiji’s innocence and his fear of what's to come. If Eiji were to die as a result of his involvement with Ash, however indirect. Ash would feel direct responsibility. To top off this horrific hallucination, we see Ash drop to his knees as he screams that he is a murderer. Further emphasizing the extent of his guilt. This is again symbolic of how he is trapped in this cycle of violence and self loathing.

Short scene below:

Ideologies put forth by the mediaconcerning violence/ What external forces influence these ideologies?

The racial realities of Banana Fish’s America:

The original comic is a painful read because it’s able to capture how pervasive white supremacy is throughout all areas of society. The series depicts how that ideology is perpetuated through interpersonal relationships and how it has an influence on real-world policy decisions. The creator or the story Akimi Yoshida clearly did extensive research on the subject. However, she ended up perpetuating racist caricatures reminiscent of the long history of Anti-Black portrayals in media.

The comics highly tense environment draws from real-world events such as the Civil Rights movements, the Vietnam War and the Cold War, which created impactful societal changes in the United States. During Richard Nixon’s presidency, the “War on Drugs” became a priority. This initiative both criminalized drugs and associated them with communities of color, which allowed law enforcement to raid their neighborhoods. As a result, the mass incarceration of people of color, particularity Black people, rose dramatically during this period. The street gangs featured in Banana Fish formed as a direct result of communities of color feeling disenfranchised by a country that continuously proved it didn’t care about them.

This is the brutal reality that our racially diverse gang leaders Ash, who is white, Shorter and Sing, who are Chinese, and Cain, who is Black find themselves in as they try their best to survive a world hostile towards them. However, their interactions and later involvement in larger political schemes show how unequally the story treats their leadership qualities.

With the exception of Eiji, there is also the issue of the few openly LGBTQ+ men of color in Banana Fish being depicted as pedophiles or rapists. So, while representation can be empowering, it can also be problematic.

Target Audiences:

Victims of sexual assault and gang violence likely relate to this story the most. One Reddit user says “I definitely related to Ash. We’ve been through a lot of similar things. Maybe that's why I took the ending so hard and felt devastated. Despite its depressing end, I understand that I deserve love too, Just as much as anyone else. I haven't been able to resonate with a character this well ever. Or felt this touched by a work of fiction in a while.”

This story seems to have had a great impact on many people who have read/watched the series. Especially those who grew up around violence. Leading the original comic to reach legendary status is Japan.

Breaking conventional norms:

Everyone loves a happy ending. For all the sadness and violence to just, disappear. Many people read stories for wish fulfillment. They want to see a world where the heroes succeed and the unjust are punished. Stories centered around tragedy often end this way. Bird box, for example. In the movie the main characters witness death and violence around every corner. In the end, they reach a safe haven away from danger, It's predictable.

Banana Fish is a story I’ll l never forget. From the beginning, the audience was sure Ash would find happiness with Eiji at the end. Ash would begin to heal from his trauma and all would be right in the world. Up until the last 5 minutes of the final episode, all was going as planned. Ash’s lifelong abuser was dead and his ring of abusers were exposed to the world.

Ash, recognizing the danger he exposes Eiji to, ceases contact with him. He is to return to Japan, though just before his departure, Eiji entrusts a letter for Ash to Sing. In the letter, Eiji says, "You are not alone Ash, my soul is always with you." Ash changes his mind, and wants to see Eiji one last time. For the first time in his life, Ash lets his guard down is stabbed by an enemy gang member. Ash shoots him, as one last violent act to end the story.

He takes this as a sign from God that he doesn't deserve to be happy. He walks to the New York Public Library where he bleeds to death, smiling and clutching Eiji's letter in his hand.

Eijis final letter to Ash:

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amaryllisblackthorn · 3 years

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part 3

so. it’s been a while. i had this pretty much written up months ago but i petered out near the end which is why it took so long to post it.

so this covers my thoughts&observations on ep37+38 regarding takeru+ken post-kaiser. i’ll be posting another post later summing up my overall thoughts.

part 1 | part 2

[ep37]

ken tends to have a lot of anger in his voice when talking to archnemon, which makes sense. it's personal. and just like yamato said; ken and takeru share similar feelings.

daisuke: we worked so hard :D (looking back and forth between friends) takeru: you're right C: daisuke: right? right?

ken and iori aren’t looking at daisuke until daisuke goes 'right right'. ken looks down and iori looks at daisuke. daisuke notices something's up with ken. 'what’s wrong ichijouji? what? if you have something to say, say it'. further example of how jogress partners tend to notice when something's bothering them.

ken reflects his thoughts that if the darkness isn’t completely destroyed immediately it will continue to absorb its surroundings and produce more 'sad lives' like bwg; hikari's thoughts are that ken is also referring to himself and how he created Kimeramon. this is something that daisuke and miyako are implied to be aware of as well; the way takeru and iori are looking at ken when he talks also suggests they're aware of it as well.

it's kind of fitting, then, that takeru speaks up. after all, he's the one who kind of inadvertently brought this to ken's mind back in ep 34.

takeru first says ‘i don't think so/I think differently’ in response to ken, directly to him, which has ken react in surprise and turn his head to face takeru.

takeru goes on to say that 'sure, darkness is terrible, and we'd feel peace of mind if we were able to get rid of it completely, but I'm sure that's impossible’. ken repeats "impossible?" takeru then looks slightly away, as though he's deep in thought/thinking of how to say what he’s thinking, and says how where there is light, there is darkness, which has hikari respond with 'the brighter the light, the darker the shadow, right?' which has takeru turn his head back to the group (and ken) as he responds 'yes', adding 'that's why it's important not to lose sight of the light inside you'. focus on ken as he repeats 'not losing sight of the light inside of you'.

now what does this mean? what is its importance? bc it's definitely significant. but how?

I think this is the first time since ep28, where takeru told ken to not act cool, that I think takeru has directly talked specifically to ken post-kaiser stuff.

up until now, Takeru's stance regarding Ken was externally vague at best, as he was the only one who hadn't made his position clear to Ken. Ken generally knows where Daisuke, Miyako, and Hikari side, and where Iori sides -- or at least where Iori sided, and he doesn’t really have any reason to think he’s changed his mind. He doesn’t really have any idea where takeru sides, as takeru hasn't made it clear to him.

Takeru's willing to work with him, sure. he's civil enough. but to be fair iori has also been working with ken and being civil for the most part too, esp post ep28. this doesn't necessarily reflect their personal feelings towards him.

what Ken knows is Takeru told him he was way over his head regarding the power of darkness in ep19 and physically assaulted him with a significant anger present, warned him that playing around with the power of darkness would have grave consequences if he didn't stop (and it did), told him they'd settle their 'match' (which was really just takeru beating up ken) next time, and lectured him on digimon being alive like the rest of them, before wormmon died. (and said ‘he’s dead’ after wormmon died).

what ken knows is, after wormmon died, takeru told him, somewhat upset, not to act cool in response to his offer to kill archnemon so the other kids wouldn't have to, and then suggesting a (temporary) nonlethal alternative. even more, ken knows that takeru has repeated the sentiment that using the power of darkness to create 'unhappy life' and destruction is 'unforgivable' with a similar intensity that was present in the ep19 encounter--which is something ken did. ken also knows that takeru declined to attend the meeting at daisuke's house in a suspicious manner, followed by iori.

it's not a stretch to imagine that ken figures that while takeru is willing to work with him and be civil, takeru finds what ken did to be unforgivable and personally does not like ken.

and I don't think that's Takeru's intention. the fact that takeru seemed to express possible/potential concern over ken's guilt motivating him, I don't think Takeru means for Ken to beat himself up when he says those things. and in this scene we have Ken feeling guilty, which is presumably understood by everyone, and disheartened. and takeru kind of reaching out, in a way.

there are several ways that what takeru said could be taken I feel.

for one, it's a hopeful (heh) thing. when ken expresses his thought that as long as there is darkness, the cycle will continue. takeru expresses that darkness winning is not an inevitability as long as you don't lose the light inside you.

it works on a personal level, too. it's okay if ken continues to struggle with the darkness -- it's unfortunate and not fun, but that doesn't make him a bad person -- as long as he holds onto the light inside of him, and there is light inside of him.

there's also something about the way qinglongmon said some stuff. earlier he claimed that "in order to bring the one swallowed by darkness back, it was necessary to temporarily create the digimental of miracles with the crest of kindness engulfed by darkness." he then later reiterates/rephrases Takeru's feelings when expressing what hope means -- "and hope means not to lose the light even when engulfed by darkness."

ken lost sight of the light inside of his heart for a while (his kindness, you could say), but he found it again after wormmon's sacrifice, as a result of a 'miracle' (tech found it in ep23). and it was a miracle that ken was saved before it was too late! the important thing for ken to do now is not to lose sight of it again.

and aside from the physical destruction the power of darkness can be used to create, takeru also knows about falling victim to the darkness from emotional vulnerability, for lack of better explanation. I can't recall exactly what he knew about Yamato's experience or what he picked up when witnessing Sora's, but Takeru more or less knows how people can fall prey to it. Yamato was engulfed by darkness, falling further and further into it; he was lost and ended up doing some misguided things as a result -- seriously fighting Taichi (in front of his little brother!) and when it really wasn't the time, for one. thanks to Gabumon, though, Yamato was able to find his way back. which is why I don't think Takeru would really hold it against Ken once Takeru had felt Ken had changed from before, and furthermore, Takeru knows that you can come back from it.

whatever Takeru's intent is, his meaning is -- naturally -- one of hope, and it's directed towards Ken.

and Takeru's words, particularly about not losing sight of the light inside you, seem to... impact? reach? ken, for lack of a better word, in some way, to an extent.

upon further thinking, it actually kind of reminds me of ep23 at the village of beginnings. when the baby digimon tell Ken “What is done cannot be undone. What you did was something unforgivable.” and “You can’t erase the past. Everything is part of you: the good and the bad are both part of you.”

while what ken did was unforgivable [kimeramon], he has to accept the good and the bad are both part of him. and ken tends to focus on accepting the bad as part of him, but he also has to accept the good part of him, too, in the sense that he acknowledges that there is good -- that he’s not solely a bad person. and maybe the good that’s a part of him is sort of analogous to the light inside him -- that despite being engulfed in darkness and all he’s done, there is light inside him, and the important thing is to not lose sight of it (again).

it also kind of reminds me of a line in ‘beat hit’, the jogress song. ‘There is light and shadow in both the heart and in the world. That’s testing you, the never ending battle.’ [Hikari to kage ga aru kokoro ni mo sekai ni mo / Sore wa kimi wo tameshite iru kesshite owaru koto no nai tatakai]

i don’t have too much to say here at this point about this other than encouraging others to throw their two cents in about what they think, bc this is definitely a significant moment. but in what way?

not really related to takeru+ken but later, when qinglongmon talks about the crests of hope and light, hikari turns to takeru and smiles saying 'our crests!' and tho Takeru's lookin back at her, I think, he's not smiling. which I find interesting. In ep34 it was shown that takeru can go from serious&intense to ^.^ pretty quickly and smoothly. I don't know what if anything it signifies but I found it interesting. idk

later, at the restaurant.

miyako and daisuke are fighting over the Chinese bun daisuke took; takeru holds out a bun to ken and says 'ichijouji-kun. they're delicious. will you eat with us?' and while ken was initially surprised by Takeru's action, he gives a small (cute!) smile which grows a little more as he says "thanks! :D" and accepts Takeru's offering. takeru is smiling at ken in the background as ken opens/splits the the bun and gives half to leafmon. leafmon says 'ken-chan, eating with friends is great, isn't it?' and ken replies 'it is'! and after this exchange takeru is still seen smiling at ken as he watches on.

so not only has ken accepted being nakama, he's accepted being friends, too! good for him! and takeru seems happy about that, too, which is swell.

also an interesting thing I noticed is that throughout this episode after qinglonmon appears, takeru, iori, and ken are often showed/grouped together in the same frame/shot.

takeru, iori, and ken are shown in frame when takeru goes 'is this what bwg was waiting for?' when qinglongmon appears. takeru, iori, and ken are once again shown in the same frame when ken goes "then, I..." after daisuke goes 'the dark towers seal his powers?'

then takeru and ken are in same frame, to the side, when archnemon and mummymon walk back in with the two other digimon subdued, archnemon saying 'oh well you found out' re: her/their goal ('building as many dark towers as possible and destroying this world's balance'). this shot is repeated after archnemon says 'but then you got the wrong idea, joined the chosen children, and started to destroy them'.

then takeru, iori, and ken are shown in the same frame again when takeru says 'so that's why they can only reach perfect level at certain times'. iori turns to look at takeru when he talks. iori says 'that's what koushirou-san explained to us a while back right?' and takeru and ken turn to look at him. iori turns back to qinglongmon 'he was talking about qinglongmon and the others' ken and then takeru turn back to face qinglongmon.

daisuke, hikari, and miyako are together in the same frame when daisuke and miyako say 'that must be us' & 'yeah. daisuke, me, and...'. the next shot is of iori with parts of ken and takeru shown in frame when iori goes 'myself'.

after bwg screams and goes off into the sky, there's a shot of daisuke+hikari+miyako, and then a shot of takeru+iori+ken. daisuke+hikari+miyako are again shown when daisuke says that 'now you can recover your lost power, right?', to which qinglongmon replies that not right away but he'll plant seeds of light in the meantime where the holy stones once were, and takeru+iori+ken are shown in the shot when ken echoes ‘seeds of light?'

then, daisuke+hikari+miyako and ken with most of his head cut off are in the same shot after ken talks about how unless all darkness is destroyed, it'll absorb its surroundings etc. then there's the focus on hikari thinking that ken was also referring to himself, and then there's a shot of takeru+iori+ken+daisuke, with the focus zooming on ken until takeru speaks up. even in the group shot when qinglongmon says ‘however, it does not mean that all threats have been eliminated', there’s a bit of a gap between Ken and Daisuke, dividing the kids into three and three (Takeru, Iori, Ken & Daisuke, Hikari, Miyako).

it’s interesting, especially considering the relevance these three have had during Takeru&Iori’s (pre)jogress arc.

[ep38]

ken is standing apart from the other kids. wormmon basically encourages him to give his invitations to the kids, but ken asks 'but will they accept?' and his hand is shaking. he's so nervous! even though his relationships with the other kids have improved. which is understandable. I suffer from social anxiety I get it.

it's reasonable to expect daisuke, miyako, and hikari to accept it, especially the former two. it's reasonable to expect iori /not/ to accept it (from kens pov). takeru has the most room for doubt, since he did make the offering of friendship more or less the prior episode, but is still a rather mysterious dude.

wormmon tells him it'll be fine. daisuke, in daisuke fashion, noticed something's up with ken and runs up to him. 'what are you doing? what do you have there? c'mon what is it?' ken, super nervous (aah!!), tells them that his mother said he should invite all of his friends to a Christmas party at their place. he lifts the invitations slowly, hand trembling. and the kids (minus iori) are excited and run over.

ken's hand with the invitations is still shaking and starts to retreat/withdraw, as if he's expecting a rejection, when he asks if they'd like to come. it makes me really feel for him honestly he's so nervous :( but when ken, uncertainly, asks if they would like to come, takeru immediately asserts "of course! [Mochiron yo]" and ken goes " :o ". takeru has his hand already out, directly in front of him, smiling, and ken lifts up the invitations and goes ' thanks !”', blushing, to which takeru says 'same to you. i'm happy you invited us.' and goes ^.^

the fact that takeru is the one to first accept ken’s invitation is intentional from the show. they emphasize ken's shaking hand with the invitation retreating. ken has doubts. and takeru clears up those doubts with his confident 'of course!' and 'I'm happy you invited us'.

and this is also takeru clearing up his own position, which has been relatively unclear until the last episode. takeru goes a step further from last episode by making it clear that of course he wants to come and he's happy they invited him.

and taking in Takeru's 'I'm happy you invited us' as well as his smiling at ken at the end of last episode, it seems that Takeru's happy that ken seems to be ... healing? in a way, for lack of a better word, which kind of ties into his apparent concern over kens motivations re: guilt earlier on. this kind of is also related to the end of the episode when sora looks at hikari and takeru and says that kens 'really changed, hasn't he?' bc it's not that he changed from kaiser to ken, it's that he's also changed in that he's happier. and everyone's glad about it too. also shown by the kids’ reaction when ken laughs at the party.

also takeru goes to ken’s party instead of supporting his brother at his concert. not that yamato probably minds or anything but i thought that was neat. i do like that koushirou and jou came to yamato’s concert too though that’s sweet heh

#takeru takaishi #digimon adventure 02 #digimon adventure #digimon #adventure 02 #ab analyzes

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a-certain-academy-city · 4 years

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Toaru Kagaku no Academy City: Operation Handcuffs - Retrospection

In the end, things had always been this way, weren’t they?

From the moment Accelerator took the position of Board Chairman, he made declaration of war to the Dark Side of Academy City. And it was from that point on that he used the resources he had at his disposal to ensure that the city’s darkness was completely purged.

He had even went as far as reassembling GROUP with a few new faces to help with the clean up operation. He used Espers like Musujime Awaki, Mugino Shizuri, and even level 0s like Hamazura Shiage. If they were still here, he probably would have ended up using Kamijou Touma and Misaka Mikoto as well in some way.

But then the Cosmic Side came knocking in the doors of the City he was trying to reform, interrupting his effort he could name a number of events that would give him reason to start a war with the Cosmic Side; it could have been when Zayane of the Right was tampering around with Academy City’s espers, particularly level 5s like himself. It could have been when Gaelion started his campaign which actually destroyed Academy City. It could have been when that Vacosian refugee group had decided to turn the planet into a super weapon and had manipulated the Aura users into causing havoc. Or it could have been way back when the Machine Empress and other beings invaded from Lawain, before Accelerator was even the Board chairman.

Anyone of these incidents would have made the perfect trigger, but he believed it all hit him during the Gaelion warpath,

He became aware of just how chaotic and unpredictable the Cosmic Side was and had decided to make preparations for a possible conflict with them, on top of dealing with the remnants of the Dark side who weren’t intent on going quietly.

He figured that all of these threats would be better off gone, which was why he used everything, from his positions as the leader of the science side and Academy City’s #1 to dispose of his opposition.

But when he thought about it, Accelerator had not changed a single bit. He still used bloody methods to solve problems, made espers and others be his underlings in his plans, and had even gone out and dealt with several issues himself.

Even at some point, he had became obsessed with crushing the Cosmic side, up to the point where he almost lost himself.

In the end, he was no different than he was a year ago, and now, he was becoming no better than Aleister himself when he was still around.

He had came to this realization when he had gone out and took out a certain depraved wizard.

Accelerator knew that guy would not be missed. No one would shed a tear for him, and many would praise his end. Even his own subordinates resented him which said enough. That guy needed to disappear for good.

But the fact remained that Accelerator still chose a brutal method to resolve the incident.

And he used people, even his own girlfriend to assure his end. Thinking about it more made Accelerator sick at how much he was becoming Aleister. He used people like pieces in a chess game and when he deemed that said chess pieces would be unable to handle it, Accelerator went out and crushed the problem himself.

Like a monster.

“You must have known what this meant from the beginning, Yomikawa. Idealism is powerless against reality, so if you try to force your ideals onto reality, there is bound to be a fierce backlash.”

Accelerator spoke to someone on his smartphone.

It was a person whom he had little time to visit since his ascendancy to his current position, but still kept in contact with for official matters.

In a way, this matter was both official and private at the same time. Accelerator was alone in the dark windowless room that was his office, with only the dim light of his holographic monitor lighting the room. It was late at night too, so not many people were around.

“The people who are more comfortable in the corrupt darkness were bound to attack there first. If they can’t make any headway through official channels or backchannels, they only have one option left: take someone I care about hostage and use that to negotiate.”

Accelerator wanted to end the cycle of violence and darkness perpetuated in this city. there was no other reason why the white monster had called Anti-Skill Officer Yomikawa Aiho in the first place.

Yes.

“Send me to the prosecutors and have me indicted.”

“Kh.”

“Why do you think I’m doing this? This is your job, Yomikawa. You’re the only one I know who can handle the rest of this.”

He spoke as if declaring a matter of fact. It was obvious what Accelerator was trying to do, but the Anti-Skill officer was still having trouble believing it.

The stage was not yet set.

No one was in agreement, so there was bound to be backlash once the confusion set in.

“I will rid Academy City of its dark side and I can’t leave any exceptions. I asked you to write up a charge sheet, didn’t I? I’ve killed more than 10,000 living humans, even if they were clones. And after that, I irresponsibly stayed in the dark side and fired guns all throughout this peaceful city while claiming to be helping. Someone like that can never be allowed out on the streets again. I must be placed behind bars no matter who tries to stop it.”

“The Board Chairman has complete control over Academy City. The 12 Directors below you are only for show. And whatever we might like to think, the rules never say the Chairman has to be a good person. I’ve never heard of someone that powerful just turning themselves in.”

“So what? That just means the system has always been broken. …Don’t make me laugh. If the rules differ from what everyone wants, then you’ve clearly found yourself a problem in the rules needing fixing.”

Who had been at fault? The answer was obviously Accelerator.

A Kihara had developed his powers and old Board Chairman Aleister had guided that monster down the path of murder for his own purposes, but it was still Accelerator who had actually done it.

But the #1 had been involved in far too much of the darkness.

How many people’s hands would be cuffed from this one boy’s testimony?

Of course people would be coming out of the woodwork to prevent this from happening.

Not because they were his good friends; because they had to protect their own future.

“You will never again leave prison.”

“I am aware of that.”

“Even if your sentence is reduced for cooperation with our investigations!! It just isn’t enough. The computer has already run some preliminary calculations. At this rate, your sentence will be for 11,000 years!!”

“Way too short. Around a year per murder? What kind of joke is that?”

“Why?” Yomikawa muttered under her breath.

The #1 did not look away.

“Didn’t I tell you? I can’t leave any exceptions. I’m the #1 and the Board Chairman, so I have to lead by example.”

Yomikawa Aiho was supposed to be a protector of the law.

But when she handcuffed an esper run amok, it was so they could be rehabilitated and have a second chance. That was why she would never aim a gun at a child. No matter how dangerous an esper they were, she had to create a situation where she could hear them out.

However, Accelerator would have no future.

This might be the right thing to do, but then who would save him?

“What about the clones?” she asked. “Once this is all investigated, their existence will come to light. That’s around 10,000 people who violate international treaties. Society might not accept them.”

Did clones have human rights or not?

Academy City had once answered no and repeated cruel experiments using them. And Accelerator was the one who had dirtied his hands there at the insistence of the researchers. They were undoubtedly the victims there, but the people in the outside world might not see it the same way.

If they too answered no and even saw the clones as a threat, they could be “disposed of”.

However…

“That’s why I have to make sure they’re safe.”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you think they’re safe now? If they’re discovered, then that’s the end for them. How is that safe? I need to correct that unnatural balance and make sure they have solid footing to stand on. They were victims in all this, so why do they have to continue keeping their heads down and hiding? Unlike me, they deserve a free life out in the open.”

Accelerator had only one hope of accomplishing that.

The white monster pointed his thumb back at his own chest.

“I’ll be the villain.”

That was the natural result.

In fact, it was unnatural for it to have not happened yet.

“I’ll gather all the attention of the media and the scientific society and accept all of the criticism myself. I’m the ridiculous genius, I’ve got all the political power now, and I’ve even got money too. That’s exactly the kind of asshole people will just love to see go down in flames. All the news will be focused on me and they’ve only got so much space for info in their articles. They’ll aim for impact and focus on the guy who went around murdering clones instead of the clones themselves. And who cares about the people spreading rumors? A lot of time will have passed before the media is sick of attacking me. And then it’ll be like a flat soda. Focusing on the clones after that won’t move the masses to action. People jump on these bandwagons because they’re bored with their own lives. These are the people who find themselves bored even with all the excitement out there to find, so they’re experts at living boring lives. Once they grow tired of a topic, their interest in it is forever dead.”

“...She won’t be happy when she hears this. Both of them.”

“I know.“

That was why he could not cheat the system.

He could not use his special authority as Board Chairman to pardon himself after being found guilty and he could not live behind bars but emerge as a heroic Board Chairman whenever there was a problem needing solving.

There could be no exceptions.

The person most deserving of punishment had to be appropriately punished and that had to be shown off to both Academy City and the rest of the world.

They had to show that true justice existed here.

They had to show that they had moved past the absurd age where the evil laughed and the good were left in tears.

Otherwise, nothing would change.

So he made a definitive statement that rang throughout the walls of that dark office.

“It all starts here,”

whispered Accelerator. It may not have been obvious without paying close attention, but the #1 and new Board Chairman was clenching his back teeth.

“This is also an issue of how much I can trust Academy City. If I get worried, can’t bear it anymore, and break through that wall to go save that brat, then it’s all over. That would create an exception and those shitheads from the dark side could have their way. So I have to trust that the giant system of Academy City will save that brat without me creating an exception.”

He was indeed a monster, so there was a violent part of him that would wild inside him. It told him the rules did not matter and he should break loose right this instant. Villains would always betray you in the end. Some eloquent speech about being reformed was not even worth listening to. He needed to pin them down, crush them, tear them apart, and grasp safety for himself. Even the greatest villain could not betray you if they were a corpse. And what other choice did he have if he was going to protect that young life? What could make a more beautiful story than dirtying his hands to allow someone he cared for to live their life out in the open?

But.

Even so.

“I will trust it.”

said Academy City’s #1 and new Board Chairman. That incarnation of slaughter turned fearsome dictator spoke the words like he was suppressing bubbling magma within himself.

“I will trust this city. I will trust that it is worth throwing out the rest of my life to protect. If I can’t trust the city I rule, then I don’t deserve to rule it in the first place.”

Someone had once told him that he had changed.

But it was this monster who had said they were one of the ones who had changed him.

Which was why this monster had retaken a human form and could continue to fight like this.

Even if it meant clenching his teeth and bearing with it all alone.

#Toaru Kagaku no Academy City (Main Verse)#First Ranked Level 5 & general Superintendent of Academy City ; Accelerator #The Story As It Is Told ; (Drabble)

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saintheartwing · 4 years

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Demon Slayer: A Full Review

So! At long last, the excellent manga series Demon Slayer’s reached its end. I’m very sorry its over...I’m going to miss it, the same way I’m going to miss reading new “The Promised Neverland” every week or so. But with Kimetsu no Yaiba, also known as “Demon Slayer” finished, I can now dive in deep into the story and explain why its so good. Warning.

SPOILERS.

Let’s begin with the basic plot. Tanjiro lives out in the woods with his mother and his brothers and sisters. His father, alas, passed on a few years back, now Tanjiro’s a primary breadwinner as oldest man in the house, and his sister Nezuko remains behind with the rest of his family one day as he goes into town to sell his wares.

That night, it’s getting dark out. It isn’t safe to return home. Not because of bears or the like...but demons. So he stays the night at an old man’s house who talks about demons. Tanjiro doesn’t exactly fully buy into it, but...then the next day when he gets home, his family is slaughtered. It’s a horrifying scene. But...Nezuko is heavily injured, not dead. So he tries to carry her to town...only for her to turn into a demon as he’s trudging through the snow! And he can’t bring himself to hurt her.

That’s when a demon slayer appears. The Water Pillar himself! He tells Tanjiro he has to kill his sister, she’s turned, she’s dead now, he’s not going to get her back. Tanjiro however, is able to impress the demon slayer with his skills, and when the demon slayer sees Nezuko trying to save her brother’s life...he realizes MAYBE there’s something special about her.

And so Tanjiro sets out to find a way to cure Nezuko, becoming a demon slayer himself along with Zenitsu, the cowardly Breath of the Lightning user, and Inosuke, a youth raised in the wild who wears a wild boar’s head as a mask. The culprit who murdered his family? Muzan, who’s been alive for eons, who can change his appearance, and has incredible powers, and can convert other people into demons like him! Can Tanjiro defeat him? Can he save his sister? All this and more in...DEMON SLAYER!

The characters are what makes the story so engrossing. Tanjiro is a sweet, kind, compassionate sort. He recognizes that demons have to be defeated, but he recognizes that they too are victims as well, many of whom were FORCED into becoming what they are. The cycle of abuse is very prevalent in the story, many of both the good guys AND the villains are the way they are because of abuse. Zenitsu was always being put down and emotionally abused by his comrade in training, fellow compatriot of the Lightning Breath, whom he viewed as a brother and his mentor as a grandfather figure. The Snake Pillar was abused by his family, only raised to be eaten by a snake demon who enjoyed eating the infants of the family he belonged to, but who was keeping him alive because of his unique heterochromatic eyes. The Wind Pillar’s father was abusive to him and his brother, forcing him to become, when their dad died in the street in a drunken brawl, to become the head of the family and try and protect their mother...but then when the mother became a demon and a murderer, the Wind Pillar was left with an even bigger responsibility. Now with only his brother left and the rest of his family dead, he ALSO became abusive because of the additional responsibility heaped on him AND the pressure AND because he wanted his brother to stay as far away from his demon slayer life as possible, so he thought being overly harsh and ignoring him would make his brother give up and just leave him alone. Several of the “Moons”, the main enforcers of Muzan who are demons, endured horrible abuse when they were young and that abuse led them to lash out at the world and, in their desperation to get out from their horrible life...to become demons. Akaza was dirt poor, forced to steal to buy medicine for his dying dad, and nobody sympathized with him, instead just beating him for stealing and threatening to cut his limbs off. He loses his father...then, just when he finds another father figure at a dojo, and true love, and spends years training as a martial artist and growing closer to the two and becoming happy...they get poisoned by a rival dojo. Akaza’s world is shattered, he becomes a demon because everyone he wanted to help and protect...is gone. The cycle of violence and abuse is continued and he becomes the sort of bully and coward he once hated so much.

That cycle CAN be broken...but it takes concern for others, and love. It is the love of others, and the desire to want to do right by them that helps lift them out of that cycle, that redeems them in the end.

That DOESN’T mean Tanjjiro won’t kill the demons. He has to, and often does. But when he can, he tries to be honorable about it, even to make it painless. He’s not a coward, nor cruel, and he’s totally devoted to his sister.

Nezuko, in turn, doesn’t speak much in the story because, to keep her from going wild with demonic power and eating humans, she has a “Seal” over her mouth. But she gets a lot across with her actions, like her dramatic refusal to drink blood or attack a Pillar that stabbed her earlier, even when he’s offering his bloody arm for her to sup on. Her gentle treatment of others, the way she can shift her size and tries to avoid fighting unless absolutely necessary speaks to a pacifistic but strong soul.

And no, there’s no ass shots or breast shots of her. The clothing she wears covers that up completely. There’s no fanservice-y shots of her. I appreciated that.

Zenisu is a cowardly moron, but has hidden talent within that can be awakened when he’s asleep. When he dozes off, its as if his inner warrior rises up, and with a single sweeping cut, he can slice through ANYTHING. He’s also a pervert, who likes letting women touch him, or touching women. Naturally, he gets beaten the hell out of for this. At the same time though, he’s portrayed as being very compassionate too. He KNEW Nezuko was a demon, just as Tanjiro has a superpowered sense of smell, HE has a superpowered sense of hearing, he could “hear” that Nezuko, (kept in a box that Tanjiro carries around because, as a demon now, she’d burn up in the sunlight), was a demon...but because Tanjiro’s so kind, and because Tanjiro said the box was more important than his life...Zenitsu lets Inosuke beat the living SHIT out of him just to defend the box. ANYTHING to keep Inosuke from hurting Nezuko inside it. He doesn’t even raise a fist to defend himself.

Inosuke, at first, starts off as a roughshod, rowdy jerk who, beneath that boar’s head mask, has a BEAUTIFUL, almost girly face. But it makes some sense, because he grew up without any family. No mother, no father, raised by boars, and only barely able to read because of the kindness of a few strangers whom he hung around their porch sometimes. Nevertheless, he’s got incredible raw power and skill and has a very strong code. He’s not emotionally open...but he when he DOES show it, his heart is on his sleeve and he’s able to cut right to the point.

Tanjiro is a good straight man for these two rather rambunctious, ridiculous types. He’s also clearly the heart and moral compass of the group, and the story. He’s able to touch people, to reach out to them and connect to others by being earnest, compassionate, and down-to-earth.

The story, aside from diving into themes of how terrible abuse is and how it affects people and how we should break free from it, also dives into “what makes a human being a human” as it looks at the sad lives of many of the demons. Is there anything human left of them? What does it mean to BE human? The demons are just as much victims as victimizers, they’re pitiable, pathetic creatures as Tanjiro insists.

Another thing the story has for a theme is that family. Many of the main characters have unusual families, or else tragically LOST family members, and this impacted them heavily. The Flame Pillar’s father was a good, sweet, loving father until he lost his wife, and then he turned into a despondent drunk. He’s too angry at the world and also, himself, to cry when he hears his son is dead, but when he hears his son’s final words were for him to take care of his body...in essence, “please stop drinking, you’re better than that”, he can’t help but sob uncontrollably. Tanjiro’s family is tragically taken from him and that loss motivates him to become strong. Inosuke was raised by boars because, alas, his mother and father aren’t around...but not by choice for his mom. She was FORCED to drop him off a cliff into a river after writing his name onto his diaper because she was being chased by a demon and she couldn’t think of any other way for him to survive. Zenitsu was abandoned himself, his only family was his grandfather mentor figure, and his brother Kaigaku. Both of them were very harsh on him, but his “grandpa” did truly love him and wanted to bring out his potential, despite not being of flesh and blood, and Rui, the Spider Demon, who ended up killing his own parents when he became a demon, ends up creating demons to replace his parents and to make a “happy little family” because, deep down, he wants to be happy with his family again...but he no longer really remembers what it means for a family to have a true bond. It takes dying and seeing Tanjiro protecting his sister to remember it again. Not everyone has to be family by blood...family can come from anywhere. But at the same time, there’s a responsibility that does come from it...a responsibility to be decent. To be kind. To protect those you love, and to try and do right by them.

In fact, the ONLY decent thing the Wind Pillar’s dad does...besides dying...is giving his wife company. She, becoming a demon, murdered her children. She can’t go to where they’re going...she’s going to Hell for that. And the Wind Pillar, on the verge of death, is happy to give her company. But...nope! His dad is there. It’s not time for his son to die yet. HE’S going to keep his wife company, punishment for his own sins and his own pathetic life. The Wind Pillar has to keep living...and stay strong. So he literally saves his son from slipping into Hell as a final act of remorse. The only good thing he did in life...or rather, after-life. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve Hell...but at least his final act was to try and do right by his son. And that does mean something.

So yeah, you should know this. The story is NOT afraid of death. It’s not uncommon at all for major supporting characters you’ve gotten to know very well to die. Quite a lot of them die. And I won’t give away any more spoilers beyond that. But..like, a LOOOOT of them die. A LOT a lot. Remember when I said the flame pillar tragically dies? He’s, like, the FIRST major death. Keep that in mind. He’s just the first indication that the manga’s willing to kill off its characters no matter how important or likable they are.

The villains of course are very memorable in their own ways. Some of them are just incredibly powerful swordsmen, others have magical abilities, and others are just so raw-powerful with their martial arts they’re a force to be reckoned with. And their leader exemplifies another theme of the story...that of selfishness and the disregard for life. Muzan is a selfish, egotistical, thinks-himself-perfect type who only desires to conquer the sun to be truly perfect. He’s insanely powerful, has NO value for human life or even much demon life, is manipulative, abusive, cruel, capricious, and quite sadistic. He’s like a baby, everything has to be HIS way and if he doesn’t get it, he throws a temper tantrum.

It’s a bit of irony. When he was born, he was born dead. They were about to burn his body when he started crying, coming back to life. So in essence, EVERYTHING he’s done can be boiled back to that. It’s all about just staying alive and f-k the consequences for anyone else or really, EVERYONE else. He doesn’t care how he does it. And he’s killed COUNTLESS people over the years.

So who leads the Demon Hunters to oppose Muzan’s Twelve Moons? Kagaya Ubuyashiki. He’s got a lovely wife and...creepy kids. Kagaya Ubuyashiki, tragically...can’t fight. He can’t even swing a sword properly. He tried, but he’s terrible at it. All he has is his money, his cunning, his wisdom, his MIND. He’s the brains behind their organization...and he’s also been blind for years. He’s slowly dying, in fact, which everyone’s aware of in the Demon Hunters. He’s not a king though on the board, he’s a pawn too, and he’s perfectly willing to kill himself if it means he’d hurt Muzan at all. And on top of that, he’s memorized every single name of every single individual who joined the Demon Hunters. It’s the least he could do.

But I know what some of you are wondering. “Are there any...problematic elements in the story?”

Well, several of the characters talk about being stuck in slavery, but its portrayed as clearly a disgusting practice, and society is viewed in the wrong for its horrible treatment of the poor. A magistrate angrily yells at one character to just get a f--king job instead of stealing, ignoring the fact that the medicine the character has to buy for his sick father is INCREDIBLY expensive, he can’t just go out and GET a job, nobody would hire a violent kid like him, and he’s desperate. Many girls are forced to be prostitutes just to get by, and it’s a somber thing, portrayed as a tragedy that they’re often at the whims of abusive johns or women who own the whorehouses they work at.

There is also some clear bigotry against the demons from the Pillars, but this makes some sense. They’re supposed to fight and kill demons, and the overwhelming majority kill and eat humans, often very cruelly, so if you’re exposed to that type of being constantly and never see any demons being kind or decent, you’d think ALL of them were like that. For them, the human inside died when they turned into a demon, you shouldn’t pity them. But as Tanjiro says, that’s the wrong way to look at it.

There’s also two demons that are friendly, “nice” demons. Tamayo and her assistant, Yushiro. Tamayo is an expert doctor and chemist, who seeks to try and help Tanjiro return Nezuko back to being a human, and she opposes Muzan. Tamayo was one of the first people Muzan converted and she was also a victim of his manipulative behavior. She was dying from a disease, all she wanted was to see her children grow up, and Muzan said sure, he’d cure her, all she had to do was drink his blood. Well, she did...and she became a demon and killed her family and a host of other people, and regretted it ever since. Since then, she’s sought a way to defeat Muzan...to kill him! It’s difficult though. You can’t cut off his head, his body is too strange. But the sun? The SUN can kill him, the same way it can kill other demons, who dissolve away in the sun. With her and her assistant Yushiro, the Demon Slayers finally have a way to beat Muzan.

Also, the anime is really gorgeous as well. I highly recommend it AND the manga. So anyway, the story’s great, check it out if you can.

#demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #manga #anime #review #spoilers

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ivendarea · 4 years

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The Assadin

Traitors, Invaders, Rulers

The Assadin are the native inhabitants of the continent Atrana, which lies beyond the Amber Ocean far east of Ivendarea. Atrana is characterized by its internal conflicts and civil wars, with national borders changing and shifting constantly. Natural resources are scarcely and unevenly spread on Atrana and therefore pose one of the main points of conflict. While in Atrana there are seven distinct ethnic groups of Assadin with common cultural heritage, it is much harder to distinguish them in Ivendarea. In Atrana the groups are much less mixed and intertwined, separated by generations of conflict. The Assadin who emigrated to Ivendarea though have a much tighter bond despite originally consisting of different ethnic groups, sharing a religion and homeland among other things in a land very foreign, dangerous, and different to their own. When speaking about the Assadin culture as a whole it is therefore necessary to distinguish between those living on Atrana, and those in Ivendarea, as both groups are culturally distinct of each other - and they are also not necessarily on friendly terms.

The two main groups of Assadin that came to Ivendarea all those years ago are the Kessem, with Zerenda having been a Kessem prince and their leader, and the Eesse, who at the time had a shaky alliance with Zerenda’s homeland Astairus. Other groups of Assadin are present in much smaller numbers in Ivendarea as well, such as the Kunae who arrived in larger numbers in the decades following Zerenda’s Conquest, but as mentioned all groups have meanwhile mixed enough to make distinctions between them harder and harder.

...

Table of Contents:

History

The Assadin in Atrana

The Assadin in Ivendarea

Historical Figures

Life in Atrana versus Ivendarea

Differences in Social Structure

Strategical Minds

Naming Conventions

Assadin Anatomy

General Appearance

Reproduction and Gender

Biological Cycle

Interspecies Relationships

The Assadin and the Nyr

The Assadin and the Aapha

The Assadin and the Kitu

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History

Old Atranaean legends and religious myths tell the tale of how a comet crashed in Atrana, splintering into seven pieces, long before there was life on the continent. At the time Atrana was a lifeless wasteland, covered by ice in the south and sand and earth in the north. The comet’s pieces spread across the entire continent, taking root in all corners of Atrana, and the comet’s inherent magic breathed life into the dead earth. Plants, animals, and the first Assadin rose from the ground - Assadin meaning nothing but “children of the comet” in their native language Azash. The seven splinters of the comet created therefore seven distinct tribes of Assadin, all with their personal strengths, weaknesses, and characteristics, adapted to the region they originate from, but also dependent of the other tribe’s resources. Much like how each splinter of the comet was all but that, a splinter, the tribes were able to survive on their own only just, but they couldn’t prosper in their daily fight for survival. Alliances were forged, but never lasted. The figurative comet is splintered and broken and putting it back together to last seems a sheer impossible challenge.

The Assadin in Atrana

The original seven people of Atrana are the Eesse, Hemphrat, Kessem, Kunae, Khesan, Vago, and Yasum. The nations they have founded and that fell apart over the course of the centuries had many names, often inspired by Atrana’s landscape or named after particularly strong rulers and bloodlines. Astairus for example was named after the way the first rays of sunlight appeared over the mountain ranges marking its borders, announcing a new, glorious day.

Atrana’s landscape is divided by three massive rivers, and close to its midpoint the outstanding crater once left by the comet crashing down here. A large radius around the crater’s centre is a wild wasteland, according to legends still in the state of how it used to be before the impact. This wasteland is the continents only neutral political territory, as it is completely void of life or resources. Notably, slavery is still legal on Atrana until this day.

The Kunae for example, a southern tribe known to be farmers and miners, suffered particularly under this circumstance. Enslaved several times throughout history by both the Khesan and Yasum they first gained their independence shortly before Zerenda’s uprising - only to be then dragged into the civil war led by his siblings that led to the fall of Astairus. Their homeland exploited by centuries of slavery and them becoming pawns in a war that wasn’t theirs not few Kunae followed Zerenda to Ivendarea to escape their never-ending dread.

The Assadin in Ivendarea

In Ivendarea, with the most dominantly featured ethnicities being the Kessem, Eesse, and Kunae, a different treatment of the three is still notable. While they are not openly discriminated against, the Kunae often have greater difficulties finding acceptance and well-paying, prestigious positions in work and society, Kessem or Eesse being favoured.

The upper class surrounding the royal family consists mostly of Kessem in one way or other descendants of Zerenda and his original government and close allies. In the lower social classes, the population is more mixed, not only between the separate groups of Assadin, but mixed relationships between Assadin, Nyr, Aapha, and Kitu are more common.

Historical Figures

Zerenda most notably was the first Assadin king of Ivendarea. Known as “the Invader” less favourably, he is responsible for the destruction of Beldran, the murder of Iovana Fannyel, the Cleansing of Saratheas, and other war-crimes commited in the early years of his rulership. Towards the end of his life he began showing regret for his deeds and signed Iovana Brestine’s Peace Treaty in an attempt to reconcile Assadin and Nyr and offer both equal rights in Ivendarea.

Ulden ruled more recently. He was the father of king Alund and king Leoros; his violent death at the hands of the Omrai Omvalis caused the The Revolution War. His older son Alund sought to avenge his father during the Revolution War, which he won. He was the predecessor of his much younger brother Leoros, the current king of Ivendarea.

Life in Atrana versus Ivendarea

The Assadin’s home continent Atrana has a warm to moderate climate. Atrana’s landscape ranges from deserts to jungles and dense forests, with a few southern islands were snow is a possibility but doesn’t occur regularly. In Ivendarea the Assadin population density is notably higher in Ivendarea’s southern, moderate to subtropical half. In fact, one of Zerenda’s main motivations to turn Saratheas into the new capital of the nation was the fact that north-eastern Canwyl was not only very cut off of the rest of civilisation but in one of the most uninhabitable regions of the country by his standards.

Considering the world’s entire Assadin population, the Assadin of Ivendarea make up only about 10% of it, while in Ivendarea they make up about 35% of the population.

Differences in Social Structure

One of the main distinctions that can be made between the Assadin in Atrana versus those in Ivendarea is how their social structure evolved since one group split from the other after Zerenda’s conquest. In Atrana honouring the lands comes before all else. Atrana’s grounds are holy, and disrespecting it has many times over been the cause of conflict and war. Political alliances are important, but in the end a means to an end, as are family ties and relationships. Siblings have betrayed each other and caused civil wars before, because either believed the other didn’t have the best intentions for their lands and people. Rulers favouring the wrong child in splitting their heritage easily can bring civil war upon them. Nations that were mortal enemies 200 years ago might now become allies to overthrow a former friendly neighbour, because they refuse to trade their rare resources with them.

In the moment in which Zerenda decided to disobey his father, to not return to Atrana after conquering Ivendarea for his homeland, he committed the worst of crimes imaginable: he renounced his allegiance and connection to Atrana as a whole. Betraying his father was the least of his crimes, but he added insult to injury after even his siblings begged him to see reason and return home. He and everyone who followed him to Ivendarea were soon branded as traitors and their descendants are, until today, treated with much distrust. In Ivendarea initially this mentality continued. With people no longer fighting in honour of Atrana, they fought in honour of Zerenda. Political alliances were still considered more important than family relations and other allegiances. This is reflected in Zerenda’s attempts to forge an alliance with Iovana Brestine, asking her to marry one of his sons to unite their people against outsiders, which Brestine refused.

Over time though, adapting increasingly to Ivendarea and learning more about how the Nyr survived in this strange and foreign nation, the Assadin’s perspective began to shift. With abundant resources but hostile surroundings communities and relationships built to last became much more valued than short-term allegiances. The Ivendarean Assadin have much stronger family ties, with children being valued more as precious gifts rather than the warriors of future conflicts. Government employees such as scholars, soldiers, and bureaucrats regularly receive time off to visit distant family members. The elders of the communities also have a higher standing in Ivendarea. In Atrana, elderly people rarely are in a position of power, and it is considered selfish of rulers or high-ranking officials to try to hold their position beyond the age of 50 years. Not rarely are they forcefully taken out of power if they refuse to make room for younger generations. In Ivendarea, where among the Nyr elders enjoy the utmost respect, elderly Assadin also more commonly are in positions of power or at the head of communities, where they act as moral guidance, priests, or teachers.

Strategical Minds

Assadin have a reputation of being great strategical thinkers and talented inventors. In their home nations, higher education is left only to the most privileged, which is why they aren’t known to produce many traditional scholars. In Ivendarea though the Academy of Saratheas is attended by just as many Assadin as by other ethnic groups.

Naming Conventions

Allegiances are tremendously important for the Assadin, which is reflected in their naming traditions. Every person has a given name, an inherited bloodline name which ties them to a specific family, as well as an allegiance name which positions them in a larger political faction. People belonging to the same bloodline don’t necessarily need to be related to each other by blood. Most are, but it is possible, similar to joining a political allegiance, to join a family by completely renouncing any ties to one’s original family for example because they betrayed an individual’s personal ideals. Given names don’t usually change throughout a person’s life, while bloodline names can under certain circumstances (marriage to a different family, renouncing one’s own family), and allegiance names may change several times throughout a person’s life depending on how much political turmoil they live through.

In Ivendarea allegiance names play almost no role in everyday life anymore, only in particularly old families that still have ties to Atrana. Children are sometimes named after particularly honourable ancestors, but more commonly nowadays they are named after virtues or natural forces. In Ivendarea it is not unheard of that Assadin bear Ivendarean/typical Nyr names or names that are a mixture of both cultures.

Assadin Anatomy

Atrana is a vibrant continent in terms of its landscapes and geographical features. As mentioned before, its scarce resources are also fiercely fought for, hence why the image of a “strong warrior and protector” is very present in all-day life there. In a different way this also applies to the Ivendarean Assadin, who for the most part don’t have to fear famine or even the most harshest of winters, as the nation’s supplies in natural resources are abundant. In contrary to Atrana’s nature though, Ivendarea’s wilderness is particularly deadly to those who don’t know it well and aren’t adapted to the many different poisons found in flora and fauna, or to the sudden changes of weather. So very much like in Atrana Assadin in Ivendarea also train physical strength and endurance.

General Appearance

With an average height of 175 centimetres and a weight of 80 kilograms, Assadin have a taller and broader build than the Nyr, overall though they are considered to be of medium build. With skin-tones ranging from darkest browns to tan and olive colours and even more rare light complexions, there isn’t really a “typical” Assadin type in terms of appearance. Most common eye-colours are black, brown, gold, dark greens and reds, and almost exclusively occurring with the lighter complexions blue or grey eyes are possible as well. As opposed to the Nyr, the Assadin have small rounded ears. The most common hair colours are on the brown to black spectrum, lighter colours being more rare, and most Assadin have to some degree curly hair.

Reproduction and Gender

Assadin Families usually have two to four children, more in Atrana, less in Ivendarea. Depending on ethnic subgroup the Assadin also differentiate between up to four different genders with different social roles associated. They are also capable to have children with Nyr, Aapha, and Kitu, with the likelihood of a pregnancy carried to term ranging from rare with the Nyr and Aapha to common with the Kitu. Children of mixed heritage usually bear similarities to both parents, but particularly the children of Assadin and Aapha are almost indistinguishable from fair-skinned Assadin.

Biological Cycle

In Ivendarea Assadin have a life expectancy of at least 80 years, which almost a decade more than the expectancy in their war-torn and unstable home-continent. Many attribute the longer Ivendarean lifespans also to Ivendarea’s inherent magic – the Nyr after all seem to be close to immortal by Assadin standards.

Infancy in Assadin lasts from the years 1-3, at which point children have usually learned to speak, walk, and are beginning to show their distinct personality. Childhood in general is a very short period for the Assadin, and particularly children from poorer and more rural areas are often asked to help with work from the age of 10 onward. Most Assadin reach puberty at an age of 10-15 and enter adulthood at an age of 20, but most don’t start their own families until in their late twenties and early thirties.

Fertility decreases at an age of 50-55 and pregnancies become rare and more risky, while first signs of ageing usually become visible in an Assadin individual’s thirties already. Single hairs start greying and wrinkles form on their face. People are considered elderly at an age of 60 years and onward, and in rare cases they might reach ages of 90 and above.

Interspecies Relationships

The Assadin are the youngest people to have found a home in Ivendarea, and as opposed to the foreign Aapha and Kitu, their entrance has been marked by violence. Tensions are a part of everyday life for them.

The Assadin and the Nyr

Tensions between the Assadin and Nyr are many and varied in their intensity. Having lived on the continent for 500 years one would think that the groups have gotten used to each other, but many Nyr who saw the horrors of the Invasion War with their own eyes are still alive today, holding on to their resentments despite attempts from the side of the Assadin to reconcile. The vastly different lifespans of Nyr and Assadin also keep being a cause of conflict, the many fast-paced minor changes in Assadin culture, politics, and day-to-day-life, consistently causing misunderstandings. Lastly, while there are thankfully no open conflicts between the groups at the moment and the The Revolution War lying a good 70 years in the past, rumours of secretive rebel organizations planning to overthrow the government cause further tensions and insecurity between the groups.

The Assadin and the Aapha

The Aapha of Darthonis weren’t pleased by the Assadin’s invasion, as it majorly disturbed their trade with the Nyr and endangered their borders. Relations between the people were cold for a long time, until a few decades ago it was suggested to form a political union that the Nyr had previously always declined: a marriage. With king Leoros and Darthonian noble Therstina entering an arranged relationship to fortify the nations’ until then shaken partnership again, tensions began to brew between Nyr and Darthonian communities.

The Assadin and the Kitu

There are some noticeable tensions between the Assadin and the Kitu, as the Kitu have been in Ivendarea since many centuries before the Assadin, well-adapted and accepted by the Nyr. Their natural inclination for magic is also an advantage they have over the Assadin, whose mages are powerful, but rare. Since the Kitu are only a small population group without much political influence and outsiders in this nation, they are mostly tolerated by the Assadin. The Kunae feel close to the Kitu, who also had to flee their homeland out of fear of slavery and oppression.

...

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#the king of ivendarea #fantasy worldbuilding #fantasy #wordlbuilding #writing #article: peoples

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thechildoflightning · 5 years

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JKSF Jobs

I got asked awhile ago by the lovely @mewithanie if I could write about everyone’s jobs in jksf if it sparked my interest. It did spark my interest, but I couldn’t figure out how to make it into a one-shot or story, so take a tumblr post bullet-style explanation instead!

Read on to find out all about the jobs Patton, Roman, Logan, and Virgil hold in just keep stumbling forward (baby im waiting for you)

tw: suicide (oc), PTSD and trauma (mentioned only), mentions of drugs, alcohol, and school shootings.

Patton

Runs a non-profit

Non-Profit pairs up with schools

Non-Profit is an art therapy center focused on increasing connection within teenagers and allowing them an appropriate outlet for emotional turmoil

Patton’s group generally gets placed on ‘high-risk’ campuses or campuses that have incidents happen at them

‘High-risk’ in this case is defined by higher than normal suicide rates, low attendance rates, high-levels of illegal activity (generally drug and alcohol use), high rate of poor mental health, more than average amounts of cheating, etc

Instances involve things like excessive inappropriate school-wide behavior (ie. all the kids getting drunk and disorderly at a school event) as well as shocking incidents (student death from suicide, overdose, drunk driving, or things such as school shootings)

Some kids come by choice, others are referred through a suspension exchange program

Pretty much, a kid gets suspended but can choose to go to the group’s meetings instead of facing suspension

Kids get referred for suspensions that deal with violence, drug use, alcohol use, excessive absences, and so forth

The idea behind it is that suspended the kid will only negatively impact the kids record and give no reason to change behavior, while the group can help get to the root of the issue and work towards solving/improving that instead

Other kids go by choice bc they’re looking for extra support, a healthy outlet, advice, etc

They have weekly after school meetings (per each district, with one focal school in each one. The program is currently seven districts wide)

They also have lunch drop-ins were you can come make art, chill, get a snack, pet a therapy dog, and other stuff

One of Patton’s first schools was the same school Virgil works at

Patton generally leads the entire non-profit and has delegates to deal with the different districts

He handles the school/district that Virgil is at, though he attempts to go to as many things at the other districts as he can

Does a lot of outside work promoting the program to school and school boards, but is starting to delegate a lot of that work to others so he can focus on the kids instead of the bureaucratic shit

Has had to cut back on individual involvement and delegate more as the work and stress from running an entire non-profit has taken a large toll on his health related to chronic illness

He is Not Happy about this fact, but it’s for his health and he needs it. His spouses help support in any ways that they can.

Roman

Theater Boi

He is a director for a local theater company that is actually not half-bad

Enjoys the heck out of it

Went into college planning to become an actor

And boy does he love acting and the truth is? He was good enough. He could have become an actor.

But somehow he finds it even more magical running everything behind the acting (and so so much more work, god he never realized how much Work This Was)

So he joins a theater company and he slowly works his way up

At first he comes in as assistant choreographer

He’s young and they don’t think much of it, but the show genuinely improves by his individual suggestions and work and wait, who the fuck is this kid and how do we hang onto him?

He makes his way up quite quickly, sliding his way into assistant directly and then co-director and then suddenly the director’s leaving and now he’s the director

It happens fast and it’s very very exciting but he’s also honestly a little overwhelming and he’s never been good at managing large tasks without procrastinating bc executive dysfunction (see this post and this one about Roman and ADHD)

And now he is The Director and an entire production is depending on him. Everything. All of it. And it was what he was looking for but it’s a lot.

The first time he’s on his own, it goes okay

It’s by far not the best the company has done, but it’s also not the worst and the company is pretty supportive of his jump to director and the people who have been there longer help him learn to delegate tasks

And so he tries again, and he does better, and he just continues to get better from there

There’s just one hiccup: the scenographer

Basically the scenographer Does Not Like Roman and it creates Conflict

(In my head I sorta imagine the boss character Joan played when they were playing Thomas as Roman as Joan as the boss character in that one part of “Can LYING Be Good?”)

Luckily, Deceit later takes that position, and him and Roman work way better together and pull off some pretty bomb ass productions

Roman has been asked to join other companies before- specifically travelling companies and work on Specific Productions- which is very cool and very exciting but he decides he’d rather do what he’s doing now bc

a) he enjoys the rhythm of his work. b) larger productions are more stress. c) he doesn’t want to be gone from his spouses. And d) he gets a lot of positivity and meaning out of what he does now and doesn’t see a reason to change that

Every summer he also runs the local chapter of Shakespeare in the park.

He does act in these as well bc it’s completely volunteer based. Deceit also acts in these with him and these two theater dorks have way to much fun together

They may or may not of kidnapped Trixie for one of the productions (with Virgil’s consent of course)

Logan

Logan works for a company that considers themselves as a “research and problem-solving team for the improvement of marine environments”

Basically, Logan researches issues that negatively impact marine life and helps come up solutions to improve or solve these issues

Most of what he does is cycle through data that other researchers collect and figure out what that data means and how it connects

He looks at a lot of abstract numbers and pulls them together to state exactly what the numbers are reporting

From there he brings that research to a board that forms a hypothesis and then comes up with potential solutions

These solutions are often considered very progressive and liberal and as such cause a lot of debate

Solutions range from legal changes (laws reducing companies waste, laws to prevent oil spills, protection laws around certain species/habitats, etc) to inventions (boats that clean the ocean, replication of habits to help support species that can’t live outside of a certain ecosystem, etc)

The company Logan works for has had numerous very successful projects and many of these projects were successful bc of Logan’s involvement

Logan’s spouses are very very proud of this fact

Logan is modest af and brushed it off

Logan’s had quite a few articles published in scientific journals and his findings/theories/work have also made it to national news in the past

Logan himself has actually been asked to present some of his stuff on the news multiple times. He refuses each time and someone else goes in his place.

Does this mean that person gets a lot of credit that should be assigned to Logan? Yes. Does that person feel bad? They do and try to give credit to Logan. Does Logan care? No, no he does not.

Logan could care less about credit, he just cares about marine ecosystems and That’s Literally It

Seriously, people ask him things like “does he understand the ‘political implications’ of his job” or “Are you okay with your team constantly stealing your work” and he’s just like “Fish are cool. Leave me the fuck alone.”

Logan has also done more hands-on experience which has included cool adventures that included scuba diving trips to study coral reef damage, spending days in heavy wetlands, and swimming with sharks

His spouses think that this is the coolest thing and Logan agrees a 1000%

He usually works on research because that’s Where He’s Comfortable, but the occasional planned (it has to be planned) research trip is always exciting

Logan also has so much passion for his job. So much passion. It’s sort of an agreed upon deal in the house that when Logan comes home he will generally Need To Infodump because his job is The Coolest

Because of this, a time period between him getting off work and them eating dinner is designated Logan Infodumping Time

Generally this happens while they cook (because as mentioned a few times, Logan is the best cook)

Even if his spouse aren’t helping w/ dinner, they usually try to stick around and listen because a) Logan is Cute when talking about things he enjoys. b) he talks about interesting stuff. c) even if they don’t find it interesting, Logan’s enthusiasm is infectious and they just Have To Listen

Virgil

Virgil is a high school English teacher

He generally teaches sophomore regular English and junior AP English

Classes can shift slightly depending on the year

Virgil was at first a very distant teacher and didn’t connect with his students

Like his students thought he was a fine teacher bc he wasn’t too strict and didn’t assign a bunch of hw, but no one really liked him either

About his fourth year teaching, a kid at Virgil’s school got suicide baited and ended up taking their own life

It was a Big Deal (and is also how Patton found his way to Virgil’s campus)

After the event, there were lots of discussions and groups at the school, and each teacher talked to their classes

Virgil’s discussion was,, impactful to say the least

He talked to the students frankly about the issue and opened discussion to the topic while making sure to keep it respectful and calling students out on shit while at the same time helping support everyone who was struggling

He ended it with a small speech about self-worth, what it meant, and the struggle to achieve it, especially when everyone around you is pulling you down

It spreads like wildfire throughout the school and suddenly Virgil is a very well-liked teacher because He Gets It, y’know

(to clarify- his student’s do not know about his suicide attempts or personally history regarding his PTSD and experiences, that said, they all know there’s something different about this teacher. Something that makes him understand in a way others don’t)

He also has just this snark that students fall in love with

(One of his class’ learning targets for an entire week was just “We’re going to stick it to The Man. How you ask? Well we’ll find out!”

There was also a situation one year when one of Logan’s articles turned up in a multiple choice quiz and No One, including Virgil knew the answers (Virgil did have the answer key but it Did Not Make Sense)

He had to actually call Logan to figure it out

Turns out, most of them was the quiz maker’s mistake because he was asking questions about “author’s tone” and “author’s purpose” and Logan’s just like,, I didn’t meant to have any tone? I don’t understand tone? My purpose was I like fish? Why are they saying it’s to educate the average person??

(pretty much they analyze Logan’s article from a neurotypical standpoint, which Logan Is Not, so it doesn’t work. Virgil scraps the quiz.)

#ts virgil #ts logan #ts roman #ts patton #sanders sides #ts sides #jksf #just keep stumbling forward #colfanficextras #autistic logan #adhd roman #patton has chronic pain #patton is chronically ill #chronic illness #chronic pain #virgil has ptsd #virgil has trauma #service dogs

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alexisannarummo · 4 years

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Minority Representation in 90′s Cinema

One trend of importance that needs to be discussed is the use of minority and minority representations in the film industry in the 1990’s. This is still a topic that is being talked about today and is something that needs to be worked on. It can be said that when the minority are being represented, they aren’t being represented in the best way which is extremely unfortunate. This is a topic that is worth examining, especially with everything going on in our world today, it’s important to see how the minority were represented in the 90’s and what black producers did to have an effect on cinema. If minority people weren’t being represented so negatively, perhaps people wouldn’t associate them with negative things and it would help with many problems we have in our country today. Throughout the 20th Century, minorities have definitely made significant strides towards equality in not only film, but it still hasn’t become a part of American and what everyone believes. We can’t keep contributing to this vicious and horrible cycle of racism and misrepresentation in not only the media, but everything else, and we as a society, need to break the cycle.

In the 90’s there were many great black directors that really changed the game for the film industry, but they also struggled greatly when it came to create their own film and being able to make it what they wanted. In a New York Times article, ‘They Set Us Up to Fail’: Black Directors of the 90s Speak Out”, it shows that not only are just the actors that are in minority positions being misrepresented, but the directors of the films aren’t being treated fairly also. These directors including Julie Dash, Matty Rich, Darnell Martin, Ernest Dickerson, Leslie Harris, and Theodore Witcher, all came out and talked about how they felt alienated in Hollywood, specifically if they were open about racism or other injustices that meant a lot to them. This article shows different interviews with these producers about the things that they were asked to do and how it affected them as a person and the rest of their career in the film industry. “Darnell Martin, whose vibrant 1994 romantic comedy “I Like It Like That” was the first studio-produced to be directed by an African-American woman (it won the New York Film Critics Circle award for its best first feature), said she was later blacklisted in the industry for speaking out against racism and misogyny” (New York Times, para.7 ). She goes on to say in her interview, “You think, ‘it’s O.K. – you’re like every other filmmaker, but then you realize, ‘No,’ it’s like they set us up to fail – all they wanted was to be able to pat themselves on the back like they did something.” (New York Times, para. 8).

The Guardian explains how specific black films fought back against Hollywood and this pressure. One film in particular, Boyz N the Hood, started this breakthrough. If we need a refresher, the trailer to the film is below.

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If we remember, this film was a coming-of-age story about a neighborhood outside of Los Angeles. “Mr. Singleton approached “Boyz” as an artistic activist, understanding the power of images to shape opinions and wanting to use film to change the way black people are seen. With his debut, he showed the hood in all of its complexity and gave us the humanity of people who are often shown in demeaning ways” (New York Times). In an interview with Oprah in 1991 with John Singleton, he talks about what inspired him to create the film. He made the film to show the contrast between a son who wasn’t raised the right way, and one who was.

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IndieWire talks about 10 different Black Films from the 1900’s that changed American cinema. This shows us the impact that black films had on the film industry and how we just can’t ignore it. Films like To Sleep With Anger, Clockers, Set It Off, all did something and made some sort of impact.

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Clockers for example, is also very similar to Boyz N The Hood, and was made for similar reasons by Spike Lee. He says in his interview below about what he wanted to show in his film, “We felt that we could do a film with some hopes and optimism at the end of it. So often today it is felt that people are locked in that young black males are going to die by the age of 22 or they’re going to spend the rest of their lives in prison or into drugs. We felt that this is a film that gets to show something different”, he goes on to say, “what’s different is the way we approach this film. You see that we have a definite opinion on violence and guns. We don’t glorify that in this film” (YouTube). Washington Post says, “Clockers is not for the squeamish. Lee opens it with a series of grotesque still shots that mimic actual crime-scene photos. Blood pools around fallen torsos, brain tissue spills from skills, slash marks crease cheeks and throats. “We did this for fill effect,” Lee explained in production notes. “We wanted people to know, even before they settled into their seats, that we weren’t dealing with cartoon shootings, because when you take a life, it’s forever” (Washington Post).

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This opening scene in Clockers is important. Lee was serious when he meant that he wanted the viewers to be changed from this film, and that’s why this film was such a step in the right direction. Lee explained in his interview that he didn’t just want to settle into creating a crime movie, but he wanted to do something more, and he definitely did.

It’s important to talk about what has changed since the 90’s and what has been done to make black filmmakers feel more included and what has been done to make the minority be represented accurately. “With the incoming class of 2018, minority representation in the Academy increased from 13 percent in 2017 to 16 percent. The 2018 class also boosted the total representation of women from 28 percent in 2017 to 31 percent.” (IMPAKTER). The problem is that The Academy strives to increase diversity, but it’s hard to do so when there isn’t much minority productions and representations in film. Filmmakers need to be more comfortable with bringing out films that encourage and talk positively about the minority and paint them in a light that doesn’t make them the bad guys. Films like Black Panther have done good at this and it’s definitely a step in the right direction.

It’s very apparent that this is a subject that our country and our film industry needs to continue to work on in order for us to live in an equal world. It’s not fair that our minorities and our black filmmakers haven’t been treated fairly in the past. While there have been some improvements, we can’t stop there. We have to continue to try and break the cycle that unfortunately so many Americans feel. Racism is a real thing and it shouldn’t be something that anyone has to feel or deal with. Especially with everything going on in our world today, it’s important to see how the minority were represented in the 90’s and what black producers did to have an effect on cinema. I hope that we can continue to better our world and be honest and open about our feelings. I hope reading this blog helped you to realize how flawed our film industry has been and hopefully it provided some education on what can be done to make it better.

Sources:

Ugwu, Reggie. “‘They Set Us Up to Fail’: Black Directors of the ’90s Speak Out.” New York Times, 3 July 2019, www.nytimes.com/2019/07/03/movies/black-directors-1990s.html. Accessed 28 June 2020.

Obenson, Tambay. “10 Black Films From the 1990s That Changed American Cinema.” IndieWire, 19 Sept. 2019, https://www.indiewire.com/gallery/ten-black-films-changed-cinema-1990s/spike-lee-1995/.

“Black films matter – how African American cinema fought back against Hollywood.” The Guardian, 13 Oct. 2016, https://www.theguardian.com/film/2016/oct/13/do-the-right-thing-how-black-cinema-rose-again.

McManus, Kevin. “Clockers.” Washington Post, 15 September 1995, https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/style/longterm/movies/videos/clockersrmcmanus_c02d2f.htm

Touré. “What John Singleton Accomplished With ‘Boyz N the Hood.’” New York Times, 30 April 2019, https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/30/opinion/john-singleton-boyz-n-the-hood.html

Welsh, David. “Minority Recognition in Film: Where is the diversity?” Impakter, 22 January 2019, https://impakter.com/minority-recognition-in-film-where-is-the-diversity/

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