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jadeylovesmarvelxo · 1 year

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Hearts Dont Break Around Here

Part two to Hearts Do Break Around Here

Warnings; Angst! Eddie is clueless but he soon pulls through, jealous reader, jealous Eddie, pining, Robin is so done with this shit 👀👀

If you enjoyed this pls consider giving it a reblog. It's much appreciated 💞🙂

I don't give anyone permission to copy my work.

The minute Eddie and Chrissy began dating they looked like the perfect fit and it hurt your aching heart.

Eddie didn't know how you felt though and you were going to keep it that way and be happy for him.

Knowing now he doesn't feel the same about you was cathartic in a way. At least now you could move on.

It would be painful but it could be done eventually...

The landline rings and you know who it is without having to answer. It was Eddie.

He was full of excitement at dating Chrissy, and hearing about it crushed you inside.

There were only so many times you could listen to him idolizing her and right now your heart needed a break.

He would most likely be with Chrissy at some point of the night anyway and as much as you tried to hate her you couldn't.

She was actually one of the nicer people at Hawkins High. You let the phone ring out and curl back into bed.

You wished things were different but they never would be.

The phone rings again and you answer it knowing Eddie won't give up or he will worry that you're sick or something.

"Hey, sweetheart. Are you free tonight? Nightmare on elm street is showing at the cinema at 8pm"

You consider this but hear Chrissy giggling in the background and your heart sinks.

"Im busy Eds, you should take Chrissy," you tell him encouraging and he pauses.

"She's not a big fan of horror movies, plus I haven't seen you much in days" you squirm with guilt.

"You and Chrissy have just started dating. I don't want to hang around being the third wheel, I'll see you tomorrow at Hellfire okay?"

It was true what you said. He didn't need you being a third wheel and you had no intention of being one.

Or seeing Eddie and Chrissy being all lovey dovey. As much as you wanted your best friend to be happy there was a limit to what your heart could take.

💞💞

Tyler Jackson was used to getting his own way and getting what he wanted and what he wanted was you.

It was weeks ago he had noticed you but Munson kept cockblocking him whenever he tried to get near you. He was always by your side.

Now he was dating Chrissy it was time that he could make his move.

He saw you sitting far away from Munson at the Hellfire table, Munson looking like a confused puppy as he tried to get your attention for longer than a few seconds

Hmm, maybe he could join this club, and get closer to his goal of banging you while pissing off that freak Munson.

It was a perfect plan if he did say so himself and he heads over to the table to make himself known.

💞

Eddie had been more than happy for Tyler to join Hellfire Club, sure the dude needed some pointers but that could all be sorted out.

It took only until the end of the session for Eddie to regret that decision. Tyler was interested in one certain aspect of Hellfire.

You. He couldn't take his eyes off you and you giggled at his jokes. Like, come on! They weren't even that funny.

His positive impression of him took a nosedive and he told himself it was to with the fact he ruined a good Hellfire session.

It was absolutely nothing to do with the hungry look in his eyes when he looked at you, not one bit.

It didn't take a genius to figure out the guy was only after getting you in his bed and he had to wrestle the violent urge that came over him to hit the guy.

This unnerved Eddie because he wasn't a violent person, he never wanted to be like his old man.

Maybe he would just kill his d&d character off instead...

💞🙂

Eddie hasn't seen you all week due to the fact you were with Tyler.

When he called you last night you were with Tyler, he could hear you laughing at something he said and he felt his stomach squirm with jealousy.

Because you were his best friend and you had only laughed like that around him until Tyler came along.

When you weren't around Tyler made his presence known and asked Eddie all about you and what you liked.

There was a glint in Tyler's eyes that he didn't like and he was really beginning to dislike the guy, even more than Carver which he never thought possible.

Even Jason seemed to hate him and that stunned Eddie that he had something in common with Jason.

Even more surprising was when Jason took him aside after class watching you with Tyler with a frown on his face.

"Look, I know we can't stand each other Munson but even I'm not much of an asshole where I wouldn't speak up and leave someone to get hurt"

Curious Eddie steps forward to listen.

"Tyler, he's after yn now and he's well known for sleeping around then bragging about it, making shitty rumors about the person he's slept with. Keep an eye on yn because he's scum"

A red mist descends over Eddie and he glares at Tyler.

Like hell was that fucker hurting you not if Eddie could help it. Tonight he was going to talk to you.

💞💞

Eddie didn't expect the talk to fail so badly but it did. He kinda just blurted out that he didn't like Tyler and everything went to hell from there.

"So because he is interested in me he is automatically bad? Am I that ugly to you" his eyes widen.

"It's about Tyler. I don't like him... he's only after one thing from you, to sleep with you and I don't like it"

The look you gave him was the reason the saying if looks could kill was made and he swallows.

"No, that's not what I mean at all sweetheart" he tried to reason with you because he didn't mean that in the way you thought but you were too hurt to listen.

"What if I wanted to sleep with Tyler? Did you ever think of that?" your words stun him and he finds it difficult to breathe.

He suddenly feels pain everywhere and he swallows.

"Do you?" he chokes out and you shake your head.

"No, but just because you've never noticed me doesn't mean no one ever could Edward Munson"

Shit... you just used Edward. You were beyond pissed at this point and he watches you go with a sinking feeling in his heart.

Tyler smirks.

"Way to go Munson" he gives Eddie a thumbs up and Steve has to grab his Denim vest to stop him from flying at the asshole.

"Don't worry I'll make sure to comfort her real good" Tyler calls back to him and he can't speak from the anger he feels.

He storms after him with Dustin and Steve on his heels but soon stops in his tracks as he sees Tyler with his arm around you and sitting close to you... very close.

His heart hammers in his chest when his lips press to your hair and you wipe your tears away. He doesn't even notice Chrissy watching him with a look of understanding on her face.

She takes his hand and motions for him to come and talk, he doesn't realize that the heartache is written all over his face.

"Shit" he whispers and wipes his eyes, what's wrong with him?

"Eddie...

"I can't stand him Chrissy, I feel like I'm losing my best friend because of him and I hate it" she softens and squeezes his hand.

"Eddie. You don't realize, do you? That you love yn" he stares at Chrissy baffled.

"Of course I do" she smiles at him and shakes her head.

"I mean like in love with yn" he feels his heartbeat quicken and he shakes his head.

No that isn't right... he loves you as a friend but then that doesn't explain why he wants to punch out Tyler for putting his slimy hands anywhere near you.

He's always been protective of you... thought you were perfect, his source of happiness and safety but that's just friendly feelings right?

Chrissy smiles.

"You're a great guy Eddie, I like you but it's not going to work out in the long run and I'm not going to stand in the way of two people who are so obviously meant to be together. Don't fuck this up okay"

She leaves and he is processing so many emotions. You've left, possibly to go with Tyler and he feels sick to his stomach.

Steve and Robin have been watching the unfolding drama with Dustin, Lucas and Mike, he's just about you say something when Robin storms towards him and hits him very hard with a slap to the back of the head.

"Why are you so clueless? Do you want her to be with Tyler?" he backs away because she looks livid and she is kinda scary when she's mad.

"Fuck, no" Robin nods then points to Steve as if to say well what about him. He shakes his head vigorously.

He likes Steve but it was still a no. The thought of you being with anyone made his stomach sour.

💞💞

Shit. He really was in love with you.

"She loves you Eddie and I swear to God if you don't go and confess that you love her which you totally do because it's damn obvious. I will personally kick your ass"

Dustin and Steve hold back their laughter and he nods. Ready to get you to be his and get away from Robin's killer gaze.

Tyler had been trying to do more than kiss for the last ten minutes. At first, you thought kissing him would make you feel better but it was the exact opposite.

"I can't do this. You should go, please" you pull away and he tries to hide his annoyance but you catch the look anyway and rub your head feeling the beginning of a migraine.

He mutters under his breath about you being a cocktease and just as you are about to say something your door flies open and Eddie rushes inside.

"You can have yn dude. Should warn you though, the word cocktease comes to mind" Eddie looks between you and him and then punches Tyler in the mouth.

💞😊

You are ready to intervene in case he retaliates but to your surprise, he rushes out cursing the both of you under his breath.

Then it's just the two of you alone and you aren't sure what to say. Tears blur your vision and Eddie cups your cheek looking worried.

"Shit! please don't cry" your skin tingles where he is caressing it and you move away feeling sick with yourself. He had Chrissy, he wasn't yours.

"Shouldn't you be with Chrissy?" you ask and he shakes his head.

"She broke up with me" this is something you weren't expecting and immediately you turn to him and give him a hug.

"Oh, Eddie, I'm sorry" you truly were because you knew how much he liked her.

"It was more a mutual thing sweetheart" this confuses you because he was so happy to be dating her so what the hell happened?

"I broke your heart, didn't I? going out with Chrissy? I thought about it on the way here and I had the idea that you love me. Am I wrong?" his big brown eyes are so genuine and sweet that you nod.

"Yes, how did you figure it out" he smiles a little bit.

"May have had a little help with Robin. Fuck, she's scary, isn't she? She never gets angry but when she does... he shudders.

"She's protective" you murmur and he grins.

"She is" his smile dims and he moves closer to you. "You never answered my question if I broke your heart baby?"

You can only nod just a fraction because you have no idea where he is going with this...

"That makes the world's biggest dingus but if you let me I'd like to be the one to put your heart back together and then keep it forever. For you to be mine. Always"

His sweet confession stuns you but it doesn't because deep down you know he was jealous of Tyler but didn't want to let yourself hope.

"I'm here because I am a dingus, who is very much in love with you," he tells you earnestly and you giggle.

"You really do pick your timings, Eddie, you couldn't have figured that out ages ago" you tease.

"Needed a knock to the head didnt I?" he grins then pulls you closer to him.

"If you give me a chance, let me love you I promise you will never regret it"

That's when you take the leap and kiss him, it's everything you've ever dreamed of and Eddie has a lovestruck expression on his face as you pull away.

Right there you knew in your heart that Eddie was going to be the love of your life for the rest of your life.

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x best friend reader #eddie munson angst #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson

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haemosexuality · 10 months

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insanely long analysis of the ep promise of she-ra <3

(first a bit of S1e10- the beacon)

[Adora is talking to the woods as she-ra.] Just let me fix this, please! I-I can’t let anyone else get hurt. [she transforms back into adora and sits down] Fine. You win. You want me to be weak? Well. I am. And I’m afraid. Because, I-I’m no good at any of this.

God doesn’t that hurt immediately off the bat. “just let me fix this, please” is a perfect summary of adoras entire character. She is so, so desperate to be useful- she needs to help other people, she needs to fix everything and save everyone. She cant let herself be a person, shes a vessel (HRUAHHRAGHHH season 5) to help others, shes a tool and a means to an end. Shes the hero. But shes bad at that, because no matter how much she represses herself, she feels and wants things so strongly all the time. She hopes and begs for direction and destiny but shes terrified of not having control. She will desperately try again and again to be the perfect hero-sacrifice that will heal the world and keep her friends safe but she doesn’t want that, not really, what she wants is to go to parties and hang out with her friends and catra, but she feels she doesn’t deserve that. She cant let herself have anything she wants. But she still does. Shes afraid and shes weak and shes too young for this. Her wanting things so strongly is what ruins everyones plans, shadow weaver’s and light hope’s and horde prime’s. its what saves everyone. This doesn’t have anything to do w the scene I was talking about anymore oops. “I’m no good at any of this” just confirms that, shes bad at being your standard self sacrificing selfless hero in the same way catra was bad at being an unfeeling purely evil villain. She just cant stop being a person

Ok now onto Promise: the ep starts immediately after that scene, with adora going inside the crystal castle looking for answers on how to heal glimmer, and catra following after her looking for tech that she can use (and also to spy on adora bc that might not have been her primary objective but shes not gonna pass up on that chance lol)

“You are not ready yet. You must let go.” “let go of what?” [camera pans to catra] will always be so. Ugh poetic cinema

How did anyone ever trust light hope lmao immediately from the first time she shows up shes all like “free yourself of all of your earthly attachments and join my hero training course”. Also, again, adora’s attachment to catra (and glimmer and bow) has always been the main thing saving her from falling head first into self sacrificial bullshit. She cant let go of her. She will never fully let go of her.

Catra: What's going on? Why are those things trying to kill us?

She-Ra: They're trying to kill you. This place sees you as an invader.

Catra: Well, can't you tell them to stop?

She-Ra: [incredulously, frustrated] No, I can't tell them to stop! Clearly nothing in here is listening to me!

Oh I just realized something. The crystal castle is a place that was made for adora and caters to her, and it sees catra as an invader. Much like how in the Horde, adora was favoritized and shadow weaver’s center of attention while catra was mistreated and discarded. Seen as an invasion, a corrupting force in Adora’s life. The one thing adora cant control in the crystal castle is how it reacts to catra, it activates security protocol no matter what she does, like how adora could never fully protect catra from shadow weaver and the others. Even throughout the episode and at the end, we see catra fighting tooth and nail to survive everything the castle throws at her while adora undermines her (“I had it.” “Sure you did.”), and by the end all her fighting pays off and she comes out victorious, like how she goes up in the horde until shes effectively its lord. The crystal castle (im just gonna call it CC) literally becomes the fright zone throught the simulation too I cant believe I didn’t get this before

Catra: Anyway, what are you doing here? [angrily, sarcastically] Where are your new best friends? I thought you guys did eVeRyThInG together.

The similarity between this and the flashback scene where we see a child catra say “go eat with your new best friend lonnie! I know you like her better than me. Youre supposed to me my friend” really shows how immature they still are I think. Not as a like, inherent character flaw or smth, they just weren’t raised in a place where emotional maturity is a thing you learn. They were never taught how to deal with their emotions in any way, other than “repress it really hard, hit someone and blow up a civilian”. Of course theyre emotionally stunted. This probably also contributes to both of them’s very black and white way of thinking. Also theyre still in the 17-18 range so like literally theyre teens. Just goes to show that them being separated for a while was necessary, bc they needed to break off their codependency to be able to grow as people and mature emotionally, that would never happen if they stayed together and just enabling each others toxic traits, instead of being able to have a healthy relationship like they do after the end.

Something I also never considered before is why the CC showed them the memories it did? Like. Was it light hope that chose those? I assume so since she not only has shown she can do that but also watched adora her entire life so she knows all her memories. Did she specifically pick out painful memories that she thought would tear them further apart? It seems obvious now but I just never thought ab this before. The first memory shown does go against that tho, its just baby adora and catra being cute. Maybe she wanted to show them how much their relationship had deteriorated?

↑ gay

Ooooouough this is when it starts to hurt pray for my emotional stability

Adora: ...Can I ask you something?

Catra: Can I stop you?

Adora: ...Why did you help me escape after Shadow Weaver captured us?

Catra: Not this again.

Adora: It's the one thing I can't figure out. You didn't have to do that. You could've gotten caught...why risk it? [Rock on the edge crumbles beneath her; yelps] Whoa, whoa, whoa--!

Catra: Did you really think I'd just let Shadow Weaver erase your memory like that?

Adora: I dunno. Probably.

[Adora grunts as Catra pulls her up]

Catra: Yeah, well, you never did have too much faith in me.

Adora: Can you blame me?

Catra: Not really.

This is so. Ugh. I love adora but especially in the first season shes so.. girl what are you doing!!!! How can she be so ignorant. Obviously I know how but. Augh so much of catra’s hurt stems from this… when I say that adora was fully, totally brainwashed by the horde, I don’t mean just that she believed their propaganda about the war, or whatever bullshit shadow weaver ingrained in her about her purpose. She also believed what they all said about catra. To a lesser extend, obviously, and she loved catra with all of herself- but she did still believe catra was a bit lazy, kinda disrespectful, uncaring, etc. and I cant even totally blame her, because catra actively tried to make herself seem all those things. Catra didn’t want to let anyone know how hard she tried, how much she hurt, so she played up the “aloof, lazy student/soldier who doesn’t care about anything” role as much as she could. But still, god, the way adora treated her must have hurt so much. “you never did have too much faith in me” absolutely breaks my heart. Catra cared about adora so much. She cared about adora more than anything in her life. Obviously she would do anything to prove herself once she can, look at how even the person who loved her the most thought about her. Im gonna talk more ab this later there are better scenes for that. But also I CANNOT BELIEVE ADORA IN THIS!!! GIRL WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!!! WDYM CAN U BLAME ME YES I CAN (ignore the part where I said I couldn’t) DON’T JUST SAY THAT SHE SAVED YOUR LIFE. OH MY GOD ok. Being a catra, an adora, and a catradora stan means sometimes u really want to slap s1 adora in the face. For multiple reasons. and the fact catra agrees too…. Catra hates herself so much. She truly honestly believes shes a bad person and it breaks my heart. And unfortunately for everyone, catra has shown that she'll always play a role that shes assigned to the max. everyone believed that shes a villain, she believed that shes a villain, so by fucking god shes gonna be a villain.

putting the rest of this under a readmore bc its longggg

her tail touching adoras hand i am on the floor

Catra: It wasn't all bad growing up in the Fright Zone, was it? I mean, you still have some good memories, right? (dont trust the subtitles in the pics theyre wrong)

THIS scene destroys me. Catra’s so- she always knew the horde was evil, ok, she always knew their childhood was bad. But she endured it for adora. To catra, all the happy memories they made growing up were worth it- all for adora. It didn’t matter what they did. Only to see adora throw all these moments away the moment she realized the rest of it was bad? God, catra mustve felt like she was garbage to adora. Something that wasn’t even worth thinking about once she had the opportunity of something better. Shes very aloof here, as always, but she probably feels a bit desperate- was it worth it for you too? Did any of it matter to you? Where you just miserable the entire time?

Adora: Of course I do. But it doesn't change the fact that the Horde is evil. I had no choice. I couldn't go back.

This is adora’s biggest problem tho. She had no choice, she couldn’t go back. She never feels like she can choose anything based on what she actually wants. Shes always, always driven by this need to do good, the right thing. And this is where theyre most incompatible at first, because while catra only cares about adora and that’s her priority, adora has Morals and puts the greater good over her personal relationships, which to catra makes it seem like she doesn’t care about her. Her happy memories were absolutely worth it to adora, but theyre not more important than the good of the entire world. (I don’t think adora having a sense of morality and not wanting to side with a military empire is a bad thing, catra was the villain of the show for a reason and the reason is that obviously working for something that wants to take over the world is bad. Im just explaining how this is what drove them apart, how catras mind works, and to an extend why you can understand her side and emphatize with her even if she was in the wrong. That trait of adora’s does get bad when she starts acting like she needs to kill herself for that greater good tho.)

them taking a moment to play-fight in the middle of all of that makes me want to sobbbbb 😭😭😭

TINY LITTLE BABIESSSSSSSSSSS Young Catra: What was that? Way to gang up on me!

Young Lonnie: You were fighting dirty. I was just leveling the field.

[Catra shakes and growls in anger as Adora walks up and places a hand on Catra's shoulder]

Young Adora: Hey, you were awesome! Did I hurt you?

Young Catra: No, I'm fine. You're just lucky I let you win.

Young Adora: Riiiiiiiight.

Young Catra: I'm serious! [scoffs] If I came in first, people might expect me to actually start doing stuff around here. Trust me, second place suits me just fine.

Young Adora: Yeah, okay.

EVERYTHING I SAID BEFORE. you can see catra was obviously extremely upset that she didn’t win, but admitting that would be admitting defeat. She shrinks herself to fit into this “no im fine, im chill, im not even trying in fact. I don’t care” attitude, because that hurts less than admitting that shes trying so, so hard but no one believes in her and she keeps losing to adora (mostly bc the other cadets and staff favoritize adora over her, and discriminate against her, making it harder for her to succeed in anything). And adora believes her. “second place suits me just fine” was the mantra catra kept telling herself through her entire life to try and feel less hurt about living in adoras shadow.

though it wasn’t working, and her resentment towards adora kept growing more and more.

oh this scene could be ab so many things. Catra literally slipping through her fingers. A parallel to earlier, when catra held onto adora and helped her up, while here theyre torn apart by a force stronger than them. How adora tried but couldn’t save catra. Aughh

and here, we see how capable catra is. Shes both extremely strong (able to rip herself out of… whatever that is) and extremely smart, even under pressure (in seconds she figures out where she has damage this thing shes never seen before so it stops working)

only for adora to come in, “save the day” after she had already saved herself, and act all. “sure you did” about it. Again, making absolutely clear catra knows she doesn’t believe in her.

Adora: What is your problem? I was just trying to save you.

Catra: For the last time, I don't need you to save me. I've been doing just fine on my own. No thanks to you.

That says everything on its own. Adora doesn’t understand why catra is hurt/angry, she doesn’t even understand how what she said undermines catra. And catra is extremely bitter that adora keeps acting like That. Also, something I haven’t touched on is that adora leaving the horde put catra in so much danger. She was the only thing providing catra with even the slightest bit of protection, which catra -hated- but absolutely depended on, since shadow weaver had made clear that catra was -only ever kept alive because of adora-. Adora defecting put catra in danger not only of the other cadets targeting her, but of death. Catra was left all alone to survive in those conditions, and she did, and now adora keeps acting like catra needs her to save her.

Adora: Catra, wait. ...I'm sorry for leaving. I couldn't go back to the Fright Zone, not after I saw what the Horde was really doing. something that must have stung too is the idea that adora saw innocent people suffering, and that led her to realize that the horde was bad. But she had seen catra being abused by the horde their whole life, and yet still thought the horde was good. What does that say about how adora saw catra? Did she think catra deserve it, wasn’t innocent enough for that violence to be unwarranted? Was her suffering not enough for adora to realize how fucked up that was? (again, we’re able to know that it wasn’t that, adora was just as abused as catra, watching someone be physically abused is also extremely traumatized and kids will learn to justify the abuse theyre experiencing to themselves or others and might not realize its wrong u cant expect a kid to know how to act in a situation like that she was in as much survival mode as catra was and her trying to keep herself in shadow weaver’s good side was just her desperately trying to keep herself safe etc etc this is from catras perspective) I never wanted to leave you. ...You could come with me! You-you-you could join the rebellion! I know you're not a bad person, Catra. You don't belong with the Horde.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA this hurts so much. Adora might have internalized some of what the horde said ab catra and catra might have felt that 10 times as strong than it actually was but adora never actually believed catra was a bad person. Shes probably the only one (before scorpia and entrapta) that Didn’t think catra was destined to be a disgrace, to be bad. And its so sad bc even with all their flaws she loves catra so so much and she wants catra to come with her so much. Adora now has access to a life where she has the opportunity to be happy and she so desperately wants to give catra that same life. She knows catra deserves better and she can see that now more clearly than ever. But its too late, catra is too hurt and too angry to follow her and even if at this point adoras words might have some effect on her, its about to get so much worse. :(

Fuck this next part is going to hurt. Ok

Shadow Weaver: [screams angrily] Get out!

[Young Adora cries out in alarm as dark magic encloses the exit]

Shadow Weaver: Catra... [young Adora turns to see young Catra's form enveloped in a paralyzing, zapping magic] ...you stay.

[Young Catra grunts as she is forced to stand]

Shadow Weaver: What do you think you're doing in here?

[Shadow Weaver makes young Catra turn, feet squeaking on the floor as she does so without picking up her feet; Shadow Weaver clicks her mask back in place]

Catra: [fearfully] We were just playing.

Shadow Weaver: [hatefully] Insolent child. I've come to expect such disgraceful behavior from you. But I will not allow you to drag Adora down as well.

Adora: [pleading] Shadow Weaver, it wasn't her fault, it was my idea, too!

Shadow Weaver: [hatefully, still talking to Catra] You have never been anything more than a nuisance to me! I've kept you around this long because Adora was fond of you, but if you ever do anything to jeopardize her future, I will dispose of you myself. [slowly, enunciating] Do you understand?

Adora: [runs between them, throwing her arms out to protect young Catra; pleading] Please stop!

[The dark magic dissipates back into Shadow Weaver's cloak as she groans and moves back toward the Garnet; Young Adora and young Catra share a look before young Adora runs over to Shadow Weaver]

Adora: She didn't mean to!

Shadow Weaver: [placidly, attempting to soothe] Adora, you must do a better job of keeping her under control. [Shadow Weaver finally lets young Catra out of the paralyzing magic and she grunts as she falls to the ground] Do not let something like this happen again. [she pats young Adora's head as young Catra looks on]

Transcripts and screenshots cannot properly convey the dread of this scene. In a flashback, catra and adora are caught by shadow weaver playing in a place they weren’t supposed to be in, and shadow weaver paralyzes catra with electric magic we know is extremely painful to be caught in, and threatens her life. Catra and adora look to be like, between 6-7 years old in this scene. Theres so much happening here. This lays the foundation to basically everything that happens in the show.

First off, shadow weaver singles out, physically hurts catra, and blames her for something that adora initiated. then, she makes it clear that she sees catra and someone that is bad, and she doesn’t expect anything else from her. And, she says catra is a bad influence in adora’s life, tainting whats perfect, and that tells her that every time after this that adora “acts out”, will be catra’s fault.

she tells catra that, if she ever feels like catra is “ruining” adora, she will get killed. From now on, adora’s friendship is literally what is keeping catra alive. This will, understandably, fuck their relationship up a little bit and also make catra incredibly dependent on adora. She will do anything to keep being adora’s friend and she will have to make sure that shadow weaver doesn’t feel like she is making adora behave out of line or that she isn’t becoming better than adora, isn’t taking her number 1 spot away from her.

she goes on to tell adora, who has been watching all of this, that its her job to make sure catra is kept in line. She’s seen what happens when she doesn’t. this will make adora feel incredibly responsible for catras well being, and like she has to constantly save catra and beg for catra to act right, otherwise catra will get hurt and itll be her fault. On the other hand, adora is a child who just saw someone get tortured, and subconsciously shes gonna make sure to always stay in shadow weavers good side, not only bc if she doesn’t then catra gets punished but because she does not want that to happen to her too.

catra, who was frozen and electrocuted and berated, saw adora get gently talked to, “reassured”, and receive physical affection.

that results in catra growing up both extremely attached and extremely bitter of adora, for “having it easy” and always acting like shes her savior, while she has to constantly walk on eggshells (on a minefield, honestly) so she doesn’t get physically abused. She starts resenting adora as anything she does gets blamed on her, and shes forced to live as her shadow, her bad influence, the devil to adora’s angel. And in adora having a major savior/messiah complex, she feels like shes responsible for saving everyone, and every time someone gets hurt its her fault. She will live the rest of her life trying fix and save everything, because if she can’t then what good is she?

understanding that this is where all of their motivations, flaws, traumas and personalities come from will help u understand the entire show better tbh. It all comes down to shadow weaver. [Young Adora and Catra are walking down a hall in the Fright Zone, just after this incident; they walk past a pillar and become Present Adora and Catra again]

Catra: You always need to play the hero, don't you?

Adora: I was only trying to protect you.

Catra: You never protected me! Not in any way that would put you on Shadow Weaver's bad side.

[Scene transitions to Young Adora and Catra in the same place]

Young Catra: Admit it. You love being her favorite!

Young Adora: That's not true!

Young Catra: Oh, yeah? [glitches back to Present Catra (and Adora)] When you left, who do you think took the fall for you? Who was protecting me then?

Adora: You don't have to let Shadow Weaver treat you like that anymore. You can leave--[glitches back to Young Adora and Catra]--just like I did!

Young Catra: Oh, because I need to follow you everywhere you go?!

Young Adora: I didn't mean it that way.

[glitches back to Present Adora and Catra]

Catra: I don't. Want. To leave. What don't you understand about that? I'm not afraid of Shadow Weaver anymore, and I'm a better Force Captain than you would've ever been.

[glitches back to Young Adora and Catra]

Young Adora: You always said you didn't care about things like that...

Young Catra: [crying] Well, I was lying, obviously!

[glitches back to Present Adora and Catra; Catra begins to walk away]

Adora: Catra, just wait!

Catra: Why do you think I gave the sword back to you in the Fright Zone? I didn't want you to come back, Adora!

That scene lays out everything I said so perfectly I don’t even have anything to add.

This scene where catra is running through a simulation of all her most painful memories and desperately screams LET! ME! OUT OF HERE!! perfectly represents what spiraling like that feels like

[a younger Catra, maybe 5 or younger, is crying and hiding her face in a blanket on their bunk in the Fright Zone]

Young Adora: [peers from around a doorway] ...Catra?

[Young Catra continues to sob as Young Adora walks to her; Young Adora peels back the cover from Young Catra's face, and Young Catra hisses]

Young Adora: Catra, it's okay, it's just me. It doesn't matter what they do to us, you know? You look out for me, and I look out for you. Nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other.

Young Catra and Present Catra: You promise?

Young Adora: I promise.

And then the promise. Everything catra went through, all the abuse and bullying, she put up with all of it because of this. She held onto their promise until the end. But the moment adora decided to leave the horde, she broke their promise.

as the memory-simulation ends, young catra gives a look to present catra. One that probably said, remember this. Remember how much you mean for each other. Don’t break your part of the promise. But this isn’t how catra takes it at all. all this tells catra, all that this entire day has told catra, is how terrible adora is. Adora ruined her life. Adora lied to her, said they’d be together forever only to abandon her. Adora forced her to be in her shadow. Adora is the reason shadow weaver never treated her right. She looks at her younger self and thinks, I'll avenge you. Im never gonna let anyone hurt you ever again. Im going to show all of them how strong I can be, ill rise to the top and ill be unstoppable. Im never letting anybody put me down ever again.

(and then is season 5, seeing a younger version of herself is also what makes her realize how wrong she was, how this isn’t the path she wants to take. Its what motivates her to get better, be better. Thinking about herself as a child kickstarted both her descent into being a villain and her redemption arc/recovery.) [Adora is holding onto dear life to some ropes or smth that are keeping her from falling off a cliff. Catra shows up]

Adora: [hopeful] Catra?

Catra: [holding the sword, rubs a finger along its side] Hey, Adora.

Adora: [pleading] Catra, help me, please...

Catra: [contemplatively unhurried] This thing wouldn't work for me if I tried, would it? It only works for you. Then again, you're special. That's what Shadow Weaver always said.

Adora: Catra...what are you doing?

Catra: Ah, you know? It all makes sense now. You've always been the one holding me back. You wanted me to think I needed you. You wanted me to feel weak. Every hero needs a sidekick, right?

Adora: [desperately] Catra, no, that's not how it was...

Catra: [laughs humorlessly] The sad thing is, I've spent all this time hoping you'd come back to the Horde, when really you leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me. I am so much stronger than anyone ever thought.

I wonder what I could've been if I'd gotten rid of you sooner...

[Catra cuts the last of the rope holding Adora up; Adora shrieks as she falls, catching a rock handhold on the way down]

Adora: I-I'm sorry! I never meant to make you feel like you were second best! Please don't do this!

[Catra looks at the sword, then tosses it into the chasm; it clangs on the way down, Adora gasps lightly]

Catra: Bye, Adora. I really am going to miss you.

And then she fucking lion kings adora. The fucking episode ever number 1 villain origin story of the century catra you will always be everything to me. Writing this took 6 hours im so tired. And then the episode ends with light hope once more telling adora she needs to let go AUGH so good. I need to go to sleep. if you read all of this i love u i hope u liked it <3 also u might like this post also

#writing this was exhausting omg #its 5:30am i begun writing this before midnight #sorry ab the quality of some of the pics i had to make sure this fit the 30 pics limit #also i am not a writer! i apologize for how messy this is!#theyre literally everything to me..#she ra #catra #adora #catradora

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e8luhs · 2 years

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hey cyan do you have any tips on making playlists for ocs? i always feel like the songs i use dont really connect to each other

OMG HI OF COURSE i have been waiting for this question all my life actually :) ← sitting very still and being very contained about this but is actually a little insane

didnt realize i was actually passionate enough to write like over 1500 words about this but here i am. in my typical autismguy fashion this is probably less like outright tips and more like me explaining my process to you via bullet pointed list and hoping that something will click and help you in your endeavors. if you have any questions about any points or whatnot feel free to lmk :) but for now take this infodump about playlistmaking and also about my brain guys a bit

usually for me, the end goal of a character playlist is mixing together music that fits the characters vibe with lyrics that are plot/character relevant. my first step in creating a playlist for one of my ocs then is figuring out what kind of music my character would listen to and best gets them across

using mavis’ playlist as an example, genre-wise i ended up going with some mix of what i like to call “entry level indie/alt” (so like two door cinema club, the killers, the strokes, things along those lines) and like, new-wave-or-other-adjacent-kind-of-stuff (like talking heads or lcd soundsystem).

so the mindset behind that choice is that a) mavis is, you know, The Protagonist. therefore i wanted the playlist to have a feel of like... if i put some of these songs in some quirky movie as the opening tune, itd make sense. because that fits into mavis’ sort of desperate want to be The Main Character and her want to live this sort of idealized life that shes made up in her head, which are character traits that really plagued her before she ended up going through a portal into a different dimension (and traits that sort of inform her approach to the whole showing up in a different dimension thing as well) b) mavis is like, kind of a pretentious kid. she has a vinyl collection, she probably thinks her music taste is better than yours, she is trying a little too hard to be cool and chill all the time, etc etc. she takes some pride in being a little bit obscure. i dont see her as OVERBEARINGLY obscure though. i just thought it would be kind of funny to make her this kind of person who would tell you shes about to put you on something and then play nirvana or whatever

^ essentially this is about translating the characters quirks into the language of music

id like to mention that there can totally be outliers for the sake of prioritizing the lyrics half of the previously mentioned end goal, which is the more important half to me anyways – like if i find a song with strong lyrics but weaker genre-specificity, im probably going to throw it into the playlist anyways. i cant imagine mavis listening to everything everything but you do what you gotta do yknow.

^ and also this is not something you HAVE to think about if you dont really care about a playlist fitting into that characters music taste or whatever

the second step is all the more subjective because this is the part where we get into finding plot relevant lyrics. the most helpful thing in my opinion at this point for finding songs with good and fitting lyrics is either to have some pre-existing imagery in mind for your character, or to basically just have the ability to create threads between the songs imagery and your character. while there are going to be times that you run into obvious jackpots where it just so happens that this song fits your brain guy so well that it was practically made for them, for me it usually comes down to that imagery/thread bit

so using a song i picked for kirabo as an example: pulaski by andrew bird, i thought was a good pick for their Vibe and all but again i always want every song on a character playlist to kind of serve a purpose pretty much? the lyrics for pulaski are like, NOT hyperspecifically fitting at all, but to me it is an incredibly plot- and character-relevant song for kirabo. and here is why:

^ its very convoluted and this is all just my insane person approach btw. but creating associations like this actually really helps me personally in finding more songs for the character that are plot relevant even if theyre not PERFECT per se. a lot of this stuff just comes to me after thinking about the lyrics a regular amount (aka after making brain AMVs about the little guys that live in my mind for hours at a time).

another way that these associations and imageries end up being useful is in the way that you can make connections between characters with them. an example to show that uses lea and trinity, two characters who have songs that share recurring themes of war and "the underground", which makes for interesting ways to compare and contrast their mindsets on certain things and shared history:

^ BASICALLY, these connections become a surprise tool that help you later because eventually you will come across more songs that use similar ideas but different perspectives, and you can use this to either portray character progression or character relationships, which in turn helps with Lyrical Flow because you have reoccurring imagery. and i get all of this just by thinking about the lyrics a little harder than i probably should

some other less convoluted tips for finding songs would be looking at playlists for characters that are similar to your oc (if you trust other peoples music tastes like that), or a fun thing i like to do is go through discographies/albums and try to find at least one song from that artist or album for each of my characters if i can :) like its fun and i simply think every character in the world should have a government assigned everything everything song

my only other advice for finding songs otherwise is to use spotifys little recommendation section under the playlist to your absolute advantage, use music-map or things like it, idk. godspeed soldier because its just hard finding new songs.

third step is probably the easiest :) at this point, once i get a good amount of songs together i throw them into a playlist, and then i open up a google doc or a sticky note and write them all down. in the note i create sections which basically work to divide the playlist into the beats of the characters arc and organize the songs into those sections. heres a picture to show what i mean by that:

^ so like "establishing songs" are songs that i think best get the personality of the character across. every section afterwards is sort of about the beginning beats to mavis' character arc. this step just helps you make sure that the songs are In Order and actually serve a purpose in the playlist rather than just like ... being there

i usually also take this as an opportunity to reorganize the playlist if i realize that certain lyrics dont flow right wrt that characters arc or the plot

my character playlists nearly always go through multiple iterations, and i am pretty much always finding songs, so this restructuring bit is something that i repeat like. literally all the fucking time.

OKAY. OTHER RANDOM TIPS:

i like to update my playlists with the same amount of songs all together, so i have a playlist just called “add later” that i put all of those extra songs on. this also helps me, when i DO go to update a playlist, keep track of what songs are being added as well as comb through those songs to really make sure i want them on the playlist or if it was an impulse add. think of it like that one pinterest board you have for unorganized inspo pins or whatever

i also like to use instrumental songs as “interludes” between the sections in my playlists, because to me thats better than like. just abruptly going into the next section (or ill try to find good “in between'' songs if i dont feel like using an instrumental song) ^_^ this is also something that helps alot with the Sound Flow, which is probably what youre looking for.

which wrt Sound Flow, i mean it is really just about listening to two songs and being like wow these sound similar enough so i think they should be in the same area. idk. not exactly rocket science and i honestly dont think too hard about it, usually ill just listen to the beginnings and ending parts of songs that are next to eachother just to make sure its not too jarring

i think thats about it. go forth and make the playlist of your dreams

#ask #WOOOO I LOVE BEING INSANELY INVESTED IN VERY NICHE THINGS

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dullahandyke · 1 year

Text

cant be bothered to make mulitple posts. have one post with many contents, it is like a treasure chest. also whoops got long teehee take a readmore

BOOBS. boobs. tits and boobs. soft and eueueuugughghghgh fun to squish and heavy and smell nice. society if i had someone to fool around with. kissing doesnt sound that appealing but if i played w someones boobs it would fix me i think. sorry. not sorry actually #liveyourtruth. whaever im 19 i can post abt whatever i want n what i wanna post abt is boobs

not to hammer home an old thought but god i wish i lived in a town or a village or a city... theres literally fuck all to do here unless i wanna bug my parents for a ride into town so instead i just sit inside n its kind of detrimental to my social life n indepence. like on the plus side, i might have considered taking up vaping in a calculated 'swapping one vice for another' way if living in the middle of a field didnt make getting my hands on any on a regular basis so utterly implausible, so like its good detterant in that way, but also like man do you know how psyched i would be to be able to walk to the cinema. walk to any store where i could buy things. u know how long google maps says it would take to walk to my local library? two hours. cant even go anywhere to hang out on a whim or without enough reason to justify bothering my parents abt it. like all going well ill hopefully be in the city for college come september but like. killing and bitingggggg

graduating in a week and AUGH on one hand out the gap waheyyy only a month until exams are DONE FOREVER (until college) but on the other hand, fuck man im never gonna see this school again, i barely hang out w my friends outside of school unless its someones 18th which in practice means that after the debs thats IT!!!!!oh my god im going to DIE, i need to go find cliodna on instagram so i can follow her because shes nice. ill be sitting in random classrooms in school lately n be hit w the fucking melancholy because im like oh boy soon i'll never see this place again and its like... intellectually i know that i am not one to dwell on shit like this after its happened, as evidenced by the 'oh god my friends are all going off to college, itll only be me and the kiddies in the youth theatre next year' crisis i had last spring, after which i was Fine Actually and rarely even thought of the ppl who left bcos i have the object permanence of a 2 month old, and in practice this summer is gonna be the same as every summer is and i didnt see a single one of my irls during summer last year and i was fine but like.... idk man knowing its the end.... kills

speaking of which, oh my GOD the leaving starts in *checks watch* 22 DAYS. FUCK. like the points i need for my course are actually pitiful like but 🥺 wanna do good... do i regularly and loudly disparage the english course and maintain that the only real measure of one's writing capabilities is your own evaluation? yes! do i still want a H1? also yes! it would be the easiest thing in the world if i was less opinionated but luckily i AM that opinionated. also god. biology the day before history.... death. ive not been paying attention to either class for literally the past few months, im gonna have to kick it into high gear when i graduate bcos lbr im gonna get my shit together enough to pay attention until im not in school anymore.

thinking about boobs again. would like to hold some. an irl's school shirt keeps shifting so i can see her boobs thru the button gaps and im heeueuugueugh

eating a mini viennese ice cream or whatever its called n its good 👍🏻 hard to type w tho

boobs again. hhhahwhauhghah!

my ass hurt. done.

#vent #<- ig #long post

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threeleggedcrow · 2 years

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I saw the thing for anonymous secrets and couldn't think of any juicy ones BUTBUTBUT i have a story from when i was like 5 so enjoy~

So, i myself am a girl biologically but i have a boyish body. Not as in im flat but my body type is usually that of a man, so a large back, long and built legs and relatively heavy arms (this is all for context) And of course when i was young my mom cut my hair SOOOO SHORT- like not even a bowl cut, just a boyish haircut

And one day 5yo me decided to go to the cinema with my mother and aunt...but i didnt wanna wait for the movie to start

And there we were, just sitting and waiting outside the cinema for all the ads to end bc momma didnt wanna watch ads for 15 minutes and the whole time im BEGGING to go in before them and stay inside the screening room (??? Is that what its called??)

My mom eventually let me and i got in and sat by a woman with her son that was maybe a bit older than me

So, being the energetic kid i was i started a convo with the woman and her son and talked to them for abt 10 minutes before my mom and aunt came in and called me

I KID YOU NOT THIS WAS THE INTERACTION:

*me talking and my mom and aunt coming in and seeing me*

mom: hey, come here and sit with me and Mirjana(Aunts name). Stop bothering the lady and her son

Me (in a rather depressing tone) : *sighs dramatically* okay....

Woman (probably feeling bad for my dramatic self); *turns to my mom* nono, its ok, the boy isnt bothering us!!

AND WHEN I TELL YOU I LAUGHED MY HEAD OFF LATER

MY POOR MOTHER

THE POOR LADY

lmaooo oh boy something similar happened to me once when i had shorter hair and i was wearing a beanie. i was like 10 and i helped a grandma and she said "thank you, young man" and i remember being sooo irritated lol (i didn't say anything tho i just went on with my day) but now that i think about it or like if i imagine it happening now i'd probably feel a bit of gender euphoria tbh. or at least i wouldn't be angry about it

#it happens a lot with young kids tho to be fair :')#especially now that more parents give their kids more freedom in like exploring gender and stuff or are raising them more genderneutral #which is a good thing!!!#the best thing is to just stay gender neutral too lol like oh that is a kid #the dramatic sigh tho 💀 i felt that i was a dramatic kid too (if you couldn't tell LOL)#also mirjana is a v pretty name #thanks for sharing also!!❤️

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morizoras-cave · 4 years

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Persistent (Request)

Marvel cast x f!teen!co-star!reader

Genre: angst-ish, fluff

Request Description: Hellooo! Could you write a all the marvel cast men x teen! reader? Like they all go out to eat and hangout at a mall or something and when she goes in the women’s part of a store while they are all on the men’s side, some creepy dude keeps on hitting on her and like after she tries to politely decline his attempts and stuff rdj and the rest are like nuh uh this ain’t happening lol

Warnings: language, hints at smexual stuff, harassment, persistent asshole

(A/N): this story includes anthony mackie, winston duke, sebastian stan, chris evans, robert downey jr and mark ruffalo. im sorry i didnt include alllll of the marvel dudes, but i just find it hard to cram them all into one fic :((( ALSO sorry if the ending is shitty hgssghsgsh

“You don’t have to bring me with you.”

“It’s too late, we’re bringing you.”

“But-”

“Y/n, you are not spending your birthday alone!”

You and Anthony were bickering like always. There was a short break in filming the next marvel movie, and while many people, including you, were planning on going home for the week, Sebastian, Anthony, Winston, Chris and Tom and arranged a ‘guys night out’, if you will.

You were going to enjoy your birthday that day with your family, but a couple of days before your family had cancelled, because of exams and overloading work. They promised you’d celebrate some other day, but you were still bummed out.

Anyway, Anthony had somehow reluctantly made you admit that you were celebrating alone, and had decided to instead drag you with him and the guys to their ‘night out’.

“I don’t wanna come and just be a bother to everyone,” you mumbled. Anthony sighed and looked at you. He then diverted his eyes back to the road.

“You’re not bothering anyone, N/n.”

“Well, you’re gonna have to cancel your plans to the strip club or whatever you were gonna do!” You stressed. Anthony gasped like a TV mean girl.

“Did you really think we were gonna go to a strip club? Y/n, that’s private business, you don’t do that with your guys.”

“Well, what then?”

The mall, apparently.

You and Anthony both stood with your necks craned to look at the proud and boasting sign, ‘mall of America’. He’d shut up after your question and just parked the car, leading you to stand exactly there, in front of that famous mall.

“You’re gonna go shopping?” you looked at him.

“Yeah, and what about it?”

Before you could start another argument with Anthony, you heard a familiar ‘hey!’ and snapped your head in the direction of the caller. Winston, Sebastian, Chris, Robert and Mark were all gathered together, seemingly waiting for you two.

“Hey, there you are! We were waiting for you,” Chris said with his usual big, dorky smile on his lips. Him and Anthony hugged and then he pulled back to look at you.

“Y/n, you okay with spending your birthday with us?”

“Whatever, man,” was all you could say, making the group burst into laughter.

You would never admit it to Anthony, or any of the others for that matter, but it was actually a lot of fun. You went into many stores for no apparent reason. The guys bought and helped you make a Build-A-Bear, which you named Svenbjorn, and he had a little detective suit and a little bag.

You ate at a Denny’s, where Mark unfortunately, but rather predictably, spilled maple syrup on himself. Then you looked around stores for fancy suits and clothes and gifts for their loved ones. Your mood was brightened, and the guys sure didn’t seem to be displeased that you were there.

“Let’s go in here real quick,” Sebastian had said, and everyone walked with him into the clothing store. You hadn’t actually bought anything that day, so you decided that maybe it wouldn’t hurt to look around a bit.

“I’m gonna go to the women’s section,” you said, pointing to the area at the other end of the store.

“Sure,” Robert waved you off, as him and the others crowded around a blue suit. You rolled your eyes and bounded off to the women’s area.

Your eyes found a pretty yellow shirt hanging on a rack near the back. You quickly made your way to it, standing and admiring it, checking the fabric and the price.

“Hey, babygirl,” a cocky voice sounded beside you. You turned your head to see a boy around your age, an ugly smirk on his lips. His words almost made you vomit the Denny’s pancakes you’d just eaten, but you shook off the feeling.

“Uh, hey,” you mumbled, turning back to the shirt. Now you fiddled with it nervously.

“What’s a pretty girl like you doing here alone, huh?” his voice was strangely predatory, something about it just didn’t sit right with you. It made you feel alerted and uncomfortable.

“Looking at shirts..”

“I bet you’d look good in this one,” he said. You didn’t have to look to know he’d found some sheer-ass, see through, titty exposer. You did however peep, and, yes.. You were right.

“Look, I’m not interested,” you sighed.

“That’s too bad, girlie, I could make you feel real good.”

You scrunched up your nose in disgust. Your fingers gave up their grasp on the shirt, deciding that it would be best to just get out of there. The sound of your boots hitting the shiny floor sounded, as you began padding away.

“Hey, wait, where are you going?” you heard him walking behind you, the action of persistence making your heartbeat speed up. You were now panicking.

“Hey! Why are you following her?” you breathed out in relief. Winston was standing not too far away, Sebastian and Anthony behind him. He had lowered his voice to sound more threatening, which you normally would laugh at, but considering the situation, you were pretty relieved he did it.

All the three men looked pretty damn angry. You didn’t know how much of the conversation they’d heard, but obviously enough. Hearing another set of boots, you snapped your head to see Chris, Mark and Robert jogging towards the scene. You made eye contact with Chris, who furrowed his brows in confusion.

The boy was now looking at the six angry and buff men, swallowing fearfully. He was shaking and surely starting to sweat. You smirked. Asshole. You walked over to stand between Sebastian and Chris.

“Are you okay?” they both murmured, searching your eyes worriedly. The fact that they were so protective of you made you smile a bit. Although, the thought that you needed several men with you to the mall to protect you kind of sucked.

“I’m alright,” you said. Meanwhile, Winston, Anthony and Robert were approaching the kid with disapproving looks.

“Didn’t your mom ever tell you to respect women? Huh?”

“What’s your issue, kid? You had such a big mouth just a moment ago?”

“Don’t ever talk to any woman like that ever again, you hear me?”

They didn’t even touch him, just the anger and seriousness in their voices and on their faces was enough to get the message into the kids head. He nodded, breath shaking. Then, he dashed off between Winston and Anthony, running out of the store, like a dog with its tail between its hind legs.

When the other three turned back to you, they were still angry.

“I can’t believe him! I can’t believe that asshole!” Anthony muttered, disbelief ridden in his voice. Winston had grown softer, looking down at you in concern.

“Are you okay, N/n? He didn’t touch you, did he?” You could tell he was actually worried.

“No, no, nothing like that. It’s okay, guys, it really wasn’t that serious,” you explained, wanting them to calm down. You couldn’t be the reason why their ‘guys night’ was ruined.

“Not that serious? Y/n, he wasn’t backing off when you told him to!” Robert seemed even angrier that you were denying the severity of the issue. You just shrugged.

“This kind of stuff happens all the time, this time I just had you guys with me,” you explained. By the looks on their faces, that wasn’t the most reassuring answer. In fact, even Chris and Sebastian and Mark (the sweetest human being ever, theoretically incapable of feeling anger) were angry now, scoffing.

“That’s not- That’s-” Chris put his hands on his hips like an angry mom. Sebastian squeezed your shoulder, making you look at him, to see his jaw clenched.

“Y/n, if that ever happens to you, no matter how big or small, just call us, please,” Anthony said, eyes catching yours to express how serious he was. You nodded. “I mean that shit.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll call you.”

There was a moment of silence where everyone just basked in their anger, before Mark spoke up.

“Hey, how about we just continue as planned and go watch a movie at the cinema?”

Reluctantly, everyone started walking to the cinema. You noticed how your walking formation had changed, almost caging you in, protecting you. Although you, Mark and Winston kept a pretty solid conversation, you couldn’t help but overhear the other’s talking about how angry they still were. Of course, they had every right to.

The night turned out alright again, as they slowly shook off their anger. The movie was great, and it created something new to talk about other than the ‘disrespectful little shit from earlier’.

When Anthony drove you both back to the hotel you were both staying at, he had another serious conversation with you. He talked about staying safe and keeping a backup weapon and such.

He wasn’t usually serious, so you listened carefully. You were thankful that they had been there that day. So were they. And from that day on they all were a little bit more protective with you - whether it was in interviews or just in daily life - they kept you close and was always slightly suspicious of anyone talking to you.

It meant a lot to you, and you thanked them, both for their protection, for an awesome birthday, and for one bitchin’ build-a-bear :)

___________________________

Tag List:

@hera-the-writer @marvel-madness @40srogcrs @whatthefuckimbisexual @snarky–starky @garbage-potato @eviemarvel @lozzypoz321 @allthecreativeonesaretaken @missamericana713 @rororo06 @shady80smusicsingercolor @ireadfanficforfun

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you-cant-spell-subtext-without · 3 years

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so get this. I was gonna roll around in Tombstone related fluff today - but no, no - this post came across my dash so Now We Are Gonna Discuss the Carnal Consumption of Meat as it appears on That Show Supernatural. YEAH BUDDIES!

(also my sincere apologies to OP of the inspiration post who innocently tagged it with “lunch date!” because I am about to go Elsewhere, cursedly).

Let’s all go meat man, after the cut!

This analysis centers primarily on 5x14 Bloody Valentine. The title of course is a semi-homage to a 3D Slasher Film Jensen starred in circa 2009.

Which I will be renting soon I guess. ,[<- parasocial panda GET BACK IN YOUR ENCLOSURE]

Also Its Really Fun that the trailer for Said Cinema ends with “nothing says date movie like a 3-D ride to hell” [are you also thinking of Cas pulling Dean out of hell, or are you normal?] ***unironically the teaser for 5x14 is -

EXT. SIDEWALK - IN FRONT OF ALICE'S APARTMENT BUILDING

RUSSEL

First date.

They then eat each other. Literally they eat each others flesh. They also do it while dirty talking about it. SPN IS A SHOW

ALICE Ugh! I've been so alone. So empty...

RUSSEL I know. Me too.

ALICE I want you, Russel---All of you... inside me...

[they both take bites out of each other, Alice chewing on a piece of Russel's flesh]

****Remember this detail, as it is important.

ANYWAY, it’s truly Cursed that not only are we doing an homage to this 3-D Jensen Horror Date Flick but also this episode is specifically centered on Valentine’s Day. The day honoring romance and love Now Coopted by Hallmark, everyone, that is the day spn writers chose to introduce us to

Sir Horseman of THE Biblical Apocalypse Famine.

Canonically, we are aware that the show is drawing from the book of Revelations in its depiction of the Four Horsemen. Here’s what it says about Famine -

"When He broke the third seal, I heard the third living creature saying, "Come." I looked, and behold, a black horse; and he who sat on it had a pair of scales in his hand.”

-Revelations 6:5

Famine holds scales (used to weigh out grain in times of food scarcity). Spn’s depiction is represented as hunger, a bottomless pit of need. It consumes souls (demon and human alike).

Cas describes Famine a little more poetically:

CASTIEL

"And then will come Famine riding on a black steed. He will ride into the land of plenty... "

"... and great will be the Horseman's hunger, for he is hunger. "

"His hunger will seep out and poison the air. "

***Consider a prior season in which we are introduced to the Seven Deadly Sins. Which are the sins associated with hunger?

Gluttony

and Lust.

***this is also important

Back to the episode. Case cold open, and we find out that Alice was a Nice Girl. In that she didnt drink, smoke or

have premarital sex.

***So Alice’s hunger for the sin of Lust caused her to succumb to it; and her demise was presented as Gluttony (literally eating her partner’s flesh). HMM

Famine’s presence is affecting the town, and Cas is not immune.

DEAN

And when did you start eating?

CASTIEL

Exactly. My hunger-- it's a clue, actually.

***They lay it out a little more in case you missed it ->

SAM

I thought famine meant starvation, like as in, you know, food.

CASTIEL

Yes. Absolutely. But not just food. I mean, everyone seems to be starving for something--Sex, attention, drugs, love...

***this is so important. but of course because its spn and our textual narrators are generally unreliable (even in a Ben Edlund episode, yes I know)

we get a red herring

CASTIEL

Right. The cherub made them crave love, and then Famine came, and made them rabid for it.

***but that’s not accurate. they didn’t get married or become obsessed with each other (remember the cursed coin in 4x08 Wishful Thinking and the unconditional love wish? not what happened here). they had premarital sex. they did the thing Alice considers wrong, and dark, and sinful. and then they ate each others’ flesh.

DEAN

Okay, but what about you? I mean, since when do angels secretly hunger for White Castle?

CASTIEL

It's my vessel-- Jimmy. His, uh, appetite for red meat has been touched by Famine's effect

***mad lad Jimmy Novak’s hunger is for...red meat? He is starving for red meat? You are telling me that the Novaks, red blooded conservative religious midwestern Novaks, ate RED MEAT SO SPARINGLY that Jimmy Novak was LITERALLY starving for it?!?! No way. Absolutely no way. This is a man who was such a religious zealot he STUCK HIS HAND IN BOILING WATER and accepted an angel of the lord into his own body but his secret hunger was for fucking ground beef?

give me a damn break.

to me this is an absolute coverup. Because Cas’s burger consumption is not related one iota to his vessel Jimmy Novak.

it is a representation of Cas falling. Cas’s cravings for meat represent his growing (and very much prohibited) feelings for...humanity (Dean Winchester), and they are presenting as Gluttony in the form of his downing more and more copious amounts of red meat.

SERIOUSLY, consider this - at one point the depiction is so desperately carnal that he is eating raw ground beef with his bare hands. It is fucking uncomfortable. and it is SUPPOSED to be. Famine stirs up hunger for the prohibited. For the sinful. That which we are starving for but do not believe we can ever have, so we lust and we lust and we LUST after it, but should we allow ourselves even just a taste of what we have been ravenously craving, we binge it until we ourselves disappear into the oblivion of our own sinful, dark desires.

Since You Want More Examples of why this cant possibly be hunger for Cheeseburgers and Cheeseburgers alone, Consider Famine’s effect on Dean. Remember his doctor kink?

**when its revealed that Doctor Corman has succumbed to Famine’s poison by drinking himself to death, Dean - very uncharacteristically by the way - reacts by saying out loud

DEAN Thanks. Crap! I really kind of liked this guy.

***please note that Doctor Corman says the following to Dean in the prior scene they have together -

DR. CORMAN [to Dean]

Agent Marley, you just can't stay away.

****was that a flirtation?

***Also, Dean doesn’t want to go out and chase tail for Valentines Day.

SAM

I mean, what do you always call it-- Uh, unattached drifter Christmas?

DEAN

Oh, yeah. Well... be that as it may...I don't know. Guess I'm not feeling it this year.

SAM

So you're not into bars full of lonely women?

DEAN

Nah, I guess not. [takes a sip of his beer] Ahh. What?

SAM

That's when a dog doesn't eat-- That's when you know something's really wrong.

***oh look we are relating things to eating again. sex/lust to gluttony. hmmm hmmm hmmm

ANYHOW - *takes deep breath*

this is also the Episode Where This Scene Lives

****JACKTING JOICES

oh and speaking of jacting joices, this is also the Dean Notices Cupids Crotch Episode.

frAckles, I am once again asking why you only permit celestial beings to hug you from behi-[gunshots]

but Dean isn’t hungry. Why? Famine has the explanation, and we get it after Dean immediately runs inside after Cas heads in to complete his portion of their plan barely giving him any time to do so because he misses him that much.

FAMINE

I disagree. [Famine moves closer to Dean and touches him] Yes. I see. That's one deep, dark nothing you got there, Dean. Can't fill it, can you? Not with food or drink. Not even with sex.

DEAN

Oh, you're so full of crap.

FAMINE

Oh, you can smirk and joke and lie to your brother, lie to yourself, but not to me!

***not Dean making all of those homophobic/homoerotic jokes every time he’s in danger or feeing uncomfortable; not that, that can’t possibly be what Famine is referencing, right?

I can see inside you, Dean. I can see how broken you are, how defeated.

***not THIS parallel:

AMARA:

You're a mystery. I can see inside your heart. Feel the love you feel, except… It's cloaked in shame

You can't win, and you know it. But you just keep fighting. Just... keep going through the motions.

***not the motions of performative heterosexuality!!

***Dean’s not hungry because in his heart he truly believes that he can’t actually have what he hungers for. That Thing Which This Episode Overtly but Also Very Clearly Made Obvious. It’s an angel riding shotgun [I did Do That and I am Not Sorry], eating a burger in the front seat of the impala. But, I’ve deviated from the meat of this essay [gunshots] [this time just for the bad joke].

BONUS

there’s Exists another episode in which a man ravenously consumes red meat; eventually succumbing to eating raw beef with his bare hands in the season prior to this one.

Yes Supernatural the Show That Brought Us Not One But Two Scenes of Persons Carnally Consuming Red Meat With Their Bare Hands.

This episode is a MOTW - the man in question is a rougaru - a monster that starts out as human but due to some specific genetic disorder (hmmm hmmm hmm crack in THE chassis hmmm hmmm) soon begins to be extremely hungry - “for everything, but eventually long pig.” AKA human flesh.

Wanna know the kicker?

Episode’s called Metamorphosis.

(GIF by jackttwist)

I’ll see myself out.

[DOUBLE BONUS for extra credit:

if you really wanna wild out, go watch the scene of Jack the rougaru looking at himself in the mirror in 4x04 - and then meander on over to 7x01 and check out God!stiel looking in the mirror as the leviathans writhe inside him over there. It’s worth the walk.]

***oh and @lilac-void im tagging you in this one because in exchange for your KIND creator content nomination I guess I will respond by cursing you with an Honorary tag in this, a Meat Meta. you’re welcome slash I'm sorry XO [but seriously thank you again for your kindness and appreciation; it really motivated me to sit down and get moving on making more content <3]

#yes I did do a meat meta #and what of it #destiel #spn #spn fandom #supernatural #spn family #myspnmeta #my spn meta #hellerism #deancas #longpost #spn analysis #spn 5x14 #spn bloody valentine #meat meta #<- I do not even want to know or see what else that tag would lead to

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flamehairedwritings · 3 years

Note

hi! could you do some hcs about hopper and his gf going to a fancy event and him being all handsy?

I’m so sorry this has taken so long!! Thank you so much for requesting this, I hope you’re doing okay!

NSFW below the cut!

Hopper hates going out.

Actually, hate is a strong word.

He hates going somewhere he doesn’t know. He doesn’t like going out. If he could, he’d hole up in his trailer until the end of time with beer, his record player, crime novels and a TV.

That was before he met you. When he did... well, he kind of started to like going out, as long as it was with you. In your first few months of dating, you went to the cinema, to restaurants, to shops, to his favourite bar, over to his colleagues’ houses for BBQs and dinners and he found that maybe, slightly, a little bit, sometimes, he enjoyed himself. As long as you were back at his or yours by midnight.

‘oKaY CiNdErElLa’ you are oft to say as he pulls his jacket on and eyes up the door.

The Hawkins City Hall Gala is an event that happens every year, once a year to celebrate the bravest and best of Hawkins, with some citizens invited who are honoured, and officials and those from the police, hospital and fire department also in attendance. It sounds fancy? It isn’t. As much as Mayor Kline likes to put on a show, get all those invited dressed up to the nines and free champagne going, it’s just an adult version of a school awards assembly.

Hopper has to go. Has to. When he once tried to decline, Kline sent a huge gift basket to his trailer and to the Station every day until he called and said ‘ACTUALLY YES I WILL COME’.

Usually he goes with his work buddies and they bring their wives or girlfriends and they’ll hang around in a corner drinking and eating until the awards ceremony starts and then they’ll all sit together at the back bored out of their minds.

You’ve been dating for nearly six months when it comes round to it, and he invites you, in the way that Hopper would invite.

‘It’s just a shitty little ego parade thing for Kline, some people are good there, they deserve the awards sometimes, but more often than not it’s just some kids and old people gettin’ ‘em for living a long time or doing the most paper rounds or some shit like that, but the food’s good and the drinks are free ‘cause Kline wants everyone to have a good time and it finishes at about 11 and then there’s the after-party which is usually shitty, too, so we can just come home or go to a bar with the guys and their girls or just come home, I don’t mind.’

‘... So do you want me to come.’

‘Yeah. If you’re not busy or have anything better to do ‘cause really it is so shitty─’

‘I’ll come.’

‘You sure? It’s really shitty, it’s just the worst─’

‘Stop, I’m coming.’ you will be

On the night, you’ll be dressed up to the nines like everyone else, wearing your favourite outfit, which also happens to be Hop’s favourite outfit on you, but he likes anything on you so it doesn’t exactly count, and he’s in a suit, one hand in his pocket, the other holding yours.

After being greeted by Kline and his wife on the steps, the Mayor’s constant grin verging on maniacal, Hop’ll make a beeline for the nearest drinks and you’ll just have caught up with him when he’s heading to a corner, his colleagues already there with their partners. They’ll have hoarded some food and beer and champagne bottles already and you’ll resign yourself to the not so terrible idea of just hanging out here all night.

Hop’s hand will settle on your lower back and a conversation with start up about the food or the drink or Kline, in hushed tones, and that’ll be it.

Except you start to feel Hopper’s hand drifting down a little.

And then a lot.

Your back is to the wall, so no one can see, but you’re very much hoping no one notices your slightly widening eyes, your lips parting then quickly closing, and the hitching in your breath.

Hopper, on the other hand, is cool as a cucumber, nodding and carrying out a conversation with Powell without missing a beat. His hand is now fully cupping your ass, fingers splaying and gently caressing. You have to fight very hard to stop your back from arching.

You bastard...

What is it about him and his touch that has you turned on in seconds?

His fingers drift lower, sliding in until they’re near your covered pussy, and damn him...

Your attention is drawn away, momentarily, by someone standing at the other end of the room calling for everyone’s attention. As the preliminary speeches start, your little group quietens, but Hopper’s hand doesn’t move.

It slides even closer, his fingers caressing in slow, light circles.

You have to fight so hard to keep your breathing even, your hands clasped tightly in front of you.

Hopper shifts his stance slightly, his head leaning down, and he murmurs into your ear so only you can hear;

‘I bet you’re wet already, aren’t you.’

Oh, fuck.

Clearing your throat, you smile politely at your group and excuse yourself quietly, saying you need to use the restroom. Hopper’s hand slides off your ass, but not before his fingers give a slight squeeze.

Message received.

You have to ask one of the staff where the restroom even is, hoping your slightly flushed and faintly jittery attitude will just be interpreted as confusion and a desperate need to go.

She points towards a grand staircase and tells you to go right before it. You do, your heart pounding with anticipation.

God, this place is fancy.

Hopper mutters all the time about how Kline has poured the majority of the town’s money into this place, and, hell, next time he mutters you’re going to join him.

There are three doors, all having a gold ‘W/C’ on them. You open the furthest one at the end of the corridor and step in, quickly closing the door behind you and leaving it unlocked before you survey the room. It’s very fancy.

Gold everywhere. Gold everything.

You pull a slight face at trying to take it all in, the slightly dim lighting shining off of it all.

Then, the door opens behind you.

Turning, you watch Hopper step in, your breath catching in your throat. His eyes are on you, darker, focused. Closing the door, he doesn’t even blink as he locks it.

‘Are you?’ he asks in a low, gravelled tone.

Your three seconds of silence are just to tease him.

‘Yes.’

He closes the distance between you in two seconds.

Hands cupping your face, he captures your lips in a fierce, demanding kiss, long fingers spreading across the sides of your neck. You return it instantly, hands gripping at the back of his suit jacket to both steady yourself and keep him against you.

He’ll take you hard against the counter, your hands having to grip the sink as he thrusts into you from behind, hands tight on your hips.

‘Look at me...’ he’ll growl, and you’ll lift your gaze, meeting his in the reflection of the gilded mirror as moans tumble from your lips. ‘... Yeah... Look at me while I fuck you, sweetheart... while my cock’s deep inside you... I want you to look at me while I feel you cum...’

No one will notice that it takes you both ten minutes to return, and that you’re still trying to catch your breath, and his shirt is rumpled, tie now knotted too tightly.

It’ll only take a few moments for his hand to return to your ass, and a smile will pull at your lips, his last words to you lingering in your mind.

‘Oh, you just wait until we’re home, sweetheart...’

—

Reblogs and comments make my day in a way I can’t describe.

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Tagged: @herb-welch, @punkpascal @davidkharboursex, @jobean12-blog, @warmbeardsandredwine, @mademoiselle-black, @scrunchinn, @flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash, @divadinag, @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan, @deepsouth, @neganslittlebae, @ashphoenix105, @alahmorah, @daughterofthebrowncoats, @letsby, @tbkc, @kiwiphroot, @ashmely, @sistasarah-sallysaidso, @unicornsandgliiitter, @lucifer-in-leather, @heyjudeinthesky, @sleepylunarwolf, @ambeazyyy, @countryfire22, @sithlordslut, @mondsafari, @norcula, @earinafae, @beltzboys2015-blog, @jinxiejenna, @justsimplevicky, @hellosupernaturaldoctor, @ginasellsbooks, @dwarvenbunnyears, @vale0413, @mrslydiaholden, @kimberliinabox, @thoughtsmeander2tumblingblindly, @allylupin, @cant-shake-this-feeling-off, @the-bitch-gotham-deserves, @warriorqueen1991, @thesurestthing, @zuni21798, @quietlovelovely, @maddieisaboredable, @windinyoursnail, @happy-hopper, @yedi16, @negansdirtygirl22, @slipperywhenwetsstuff, @my-rosegold-soul @madkskillz, @im-not-great-at-making-up-names, @sergeantangel, @bitchinsinclair, @dewy-biitch, @focusonspn, @wearethebrokenones, @sarcasm-is-my-native-tounge, @thatprettymvthafvcka, @pulplorrd, @gifsbysimplysonia, @opalsandlacemain @geordiequeen, @gothackedalready, @ayatimascd, @missaudreyhorney, @chiefharbour, @l0ve-0f-my-life, @saltandroot, @chiefharbour

Apologies to those Tumblr won’t let me tag!

#chief jim hopper x reader #jim hopper x reader #hopper x reader #are we easing back in still?#we're easing back in #jim hopper #my writing #flamehairedwritings

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sleepless-in-starbucks · 3 years

Note

14 (bodyguard AU) and 46 (blind date) sounds fun,,, your choice of ship ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥

14. Bodyguard AU || 46. Blind date

Random choice generator got me creativisleep!

roman's a semi-popular actor- he's never really been to an awards show, and he's not been in That much, but he had a small but strong role in a real popular film and plenty of leading ones in lesser known movies. he's got enough of a following to be satisfied with himself, even if it isn't That huge of one

because of this, roman didn't take the possible dangers of his fame seriously... until he got jumped by one fan at a play in his hometown. he came out fine (he's always fine ;p) but it made him reconsider his choice to not have some sort of protection

he ends up hiring remy to be his bodyguard, a choice he Slightly starts regretting when he realizes remy, despite having excellent marks out of bodyguard school, is about as professional as a golden retriever

they take roman's food out of his fridge Whenever, borrow Way too many of his shirts (and roman hasn't seen his BMC 'boyf riends' hoodie since they got their hands on it), and is never in typical bodyguard wear (they wore a suit for the interview and never again)

but they also bring roman coffee (when did they get his regular figured out...?), talk to him like he's just a Person and not a celeb, and have yet to try and kill him themself so. roman's alright with them staying

(plus, is it so wrong if roman enjoys how they look? he deserves for a bit of an eye-candy sorta bodyguard, damnit, they're with him all the time after all)

remy's been with roman as his bodyguard for a few months when roman decides he cant just keep Lookin at a pretty person, he deserves to have a pretty person to kiss and cuddle with too!! so he pokes around for a bit, finds a non-homophobic service (he's pan, so he could Technically use a plain ol' straight service, but he refuses on gay principle), and uses it

idk how datin apps work but this one that im makin up is a blind match up app, which takes ur information and uses it to randomly pair u up with random accounts. the app keeps account info privated until After the first date has been gone on, to really maintain the 'blind match' aspect. the matched up people play a mini guessing game through the app about places they can go for a date until location and time is determined

roman likes the idea of the app mostly to keep his own identity secret as long as possible- he doesnt want people pickin his account Just bc he's a celeb, y'know?

the first couple of blind dates dont go well tho... most are nice people who roman just isn't compatible with, one was a straight woman who spent the entire date being Very homophobic despite roman's rainbow heart + pan flag pins, and someone who was clearly Too Much Of A Fan (remy had to physically pull them off of roman and help him escape the park before they could latch back on)

oh, did roman not mention? remy's been coming on all his dates with him

because of course they are! they need to protect roman! whether that's by eating dinner in the booth over or sitting two rows back at the cinema or awkwardly half-stalkin roman and his date while they walk about

so they're always there, to bring roman there and take him home, and listen when he complains about the bad matches and lament the almost-winners, and convince him he is a catch that needs to try again because eventually Someone will realize he really is too good to pass up

(remy always says that line in a weird way)

so he keeps trying... until roman has possibly the worst date ever

because he gets stood up. it's fifteen minutes past the scheduled date time, he's gotten no text explainin where they are, but he's sittin at the restaurant alone and starting to become rather upset by the pitying look the server gives him when he says he's still waitin on someone else before he orders

remy slides into the seat across from him at the 20 minute mark. shoots roman an apologetic smile that an outsider would mistake as a 'sorry im late' one when roman knows it's a 'sorry they didnt show' one

roman appreciates the gesture to save him, but he almost just wants to go home at this point. he's tired and bein stood up feels like Shit, actually, and he's about ready to call off the whole dating thing really, dramatic as that may be (like it's not his middle name)

but remy says smth about this place having really good sandwiches, and it's clear they're tryin so hard to help roman out here, even a little, and roman can't just dismiss that effort, so he picks up his menu again and orders smth and tries to ignore the way his face heats up just the slightest at the relieved smile remy flashes next

lunch with remy is great, actually, better than it would've been with whoever couldnt be bothered to show or apologize or Anything. remy even knows the way to an ice cream shop on the way home, sayin it's for roman's 'broken heart' as they pay for it

except, well... roman's heart isn't feelin so broken anymore

it's actually feeling pretty put together. really functional. functioning really fast. especially when roman's looking at remy. or when remy's lookin at roman. or when they smile. or when they laugh. or when they speak. or when they-

roman doesn't fall asleep until 2am that night, heart still racing a bit, screaming into his pillow a bit as he acknowledges he is wholly and totally head-over-heels for his bodyguard

he tells remy the next day he's done with dating for a bit, saying he's still upset over being stood up. he doesn't mention that it's also bc remy's ruined all other people for him

things try to fall back in routine from there, but it's a bit harder when roman's trying to not be so in love with someone who just works for him. and remy's definitely started pickin up on it too- they had asked him just last if he was okay, that he didn't seem as upset by remy takin his clothes anymore, and that didn't seem like him, was he getting sick?

the opposite, actually, absolutely nothing makes me feel better then seeing you walk around in my shirt or jacket or whatever else, please never stop and also kiss me?

roman just said he was tired

eventually... roman decides this can't keep going on. remy's giving him more weird looks these days, and roman is pretty sure being around remy so much without Any kisses is starting to cause brain decay (it's not, it's really not, remy always bein on his mind is just a side effect of.... pretti........). so, he takes matters into his own hands

admittedly, maybe firing remy wasn't the best way to go, given remy immediately demands to know why, what they did wrong, even asking if roman's being blackmailed into this

"blink once for yes, twice for no" remy asks, lowering the sunglasses they always have on to look directly at roman's eyes

roman doesn't blink for a full minute. he might not be breathing for that minute either. has he ever seen remy's eyes this close? has he ever seen them at all? they're such a brilliant shade of brown. roman could drown in them. he might be already

roman's pretty sure he started this conversation standing up, but maybe not, because when he finally blinks and remembers things outside of remy's eyes exist he's sitting down and remy looks extremely concerned

"okay... what's wrong, hun?" they ask, and oh no, they look so sad, and worried, and that's not good, roman should fix that right now, regardless of whatever he was doing before (he's forgotten)

"im gay" he responds intelligently. this will fix everything

remy, however, just looks confused. "yes?"

"for you" roman adds, helpfully, sure that Now remy will understand they're just really very pretty and nothing's wrong and if they feel bad still they should look in a mirror because then they'll be good again

now it's remy's turn to sit in silence, expression frozen in one of shock. they still havent put their sunglasses back on, so roman doesnt mind, bc this gives him more time to stare at remy's eyes

"you're having a breakdown because you're gay for me???" remy finally asks, expression unfreezing to look incredulous and a little hurt

roman returns a similar look. "im not having a breakdown!"

remy scoffs. "yeah, sure, right, that's why you suddenly froze and completely stopped breathing and minorly collapsed after i... look off my shades to look at you..." they suddenly break out in a smirk. "oh my gods, you're a gay disaster"

roman doesn't try to deny it, especially with the knowledge he apparently did stop breathing to admire remy's eyes. they have a point

"how long?"

"since that date you hijacked after i got stood up" roman admits. he finds it extraordinarily rude when remy starts laughing

...until they're pulling out their phone, hurriedly opening up the exact same dating app roman had been using, showing a log of all the dates they had planned- there's only one marked as having actually been attended

same date time and place of the one where roman had assumed he had been stood up

"you broke my heart!" roman says as remy puts away their phone, over-dramatically, not actually giving a damn, just feeling gay and a bit giddy at the thought remy hadnt gone to any of the other dates, just theirs

no longer worried quite as much about roman for the moment, remy's smirk just grows, smoothly moving from being crouched in front of roman to being set firmly in his lap, lazily brushing hair out of his eyes and wow was remy always this warm? and stunning? and perfect?

"i dunno babe... sounds more like i stole it" remy teases, movin from playing with roman's hair to cuppin his cheek, leaning in close and not even bothering to pretend to be looking at anything other than roman's lips. "which, yeah, bad bodyguard etiquette... i hope you can forgive me..."

roman doesn't need his words to answer that tease

#oops this got long ':) i got distracted by the gays... happy pride month djhbvcfjds #fanfic #creativisleep #ts roman #ts remy #nb!remy #the cryptid speaks #meri #yeah roman just. has an all out gay panic disaster moment right there #poor man 😔#also my characters keep ending up kissin in each other's laps can y'all tell im a touchstarved gay yet /hj

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ughgclden · 3 years

Note

bee, love, don’t apologise, please, it’s okay, and first and foremost, are you alright?? i hope you’re taking care of yourself, love, but i understand, i don’t think there’s been a year since third grade that i haven’t gotten pneumonia in the winter. I hope you’re feeling alright!!

honestly, dead poets society is one of my only personality traits anymore, i find myself drawing parallels to it constantly, for no reason but i love thinking about it. i’ve watched it so many times at this point, it’s,,, concerning. those tests always take me way less time than they give me, and i used to feel really awkward, i remember i took a bio one once, four hours they gave me, 45 minutes in, i was finished, and the moderator didn’t believe me. i aced it too, like the silly little neil kinnie i am. i’ve gotten used to the ‘worse’ side of being a neil kinnie, and honestly, now that my mum isn’t as controlling about everything as she used to be, it’s easier to deal with. i remember once, i’d gotten an 89 in algebra, and she threatened to pull me out of the fall show. that was a neil perry moment if i ever had one lol. the biggest thing these days is just imposter syndrome, imposter syndrome like oh you’re not hispanic enough, but also, you’re not queer enough, nonbinary enough, things like that. It’s exacerbated some days, but i try.

i watched the it movies on my cousin’s hbo,,, i may or may not have used it without her permission since she forgot to log out of my computer, but that’s neither here nor there. i remember having such a hard time taking the first one seriously initially, because of all the new kids on the block jokes, having a mum who was obsessed with them made it hard, especially when i actually got them all- in truth, the only midnight premiere i’ve been able to make was the force awakens, and i had school the next day too. i’m definitely a richie kinnie, and i have the internalised homophobia (only towards myself though) to prove it /hj my waterbottle has both a sticker of neil on it and a sticker of the r + e carving on it. in case there was any doubt about me lmao. stan kin makes sense for you, honestly, i can see it, i can see it.

okay so listen- no really, i’d bought them with the intention of only drinking half of one that night and spreading them out like that, but then came 9:45pm, and i had a research paper (on womens’ pockets/lack thereof) due at 10am that i simply hadn’t even started, so i downed them all in an hour and got the paper turned in at 5:56 in the morning. but i scare you huh? /hj bee, you’re too sweet, in truth, i’m fairly inelegant, but i try, as for the comforting and cosy, i’ll take you at your word, since that is something only someone interacting with me could discern. i do try to be kind to others for the most part. mainly i think because i’m usually on the other end of mean people.

i’m just perceptive like that bee, i dunno what to tell you, something just tells me, you know? /j and thank you, i always feel a little silly talking about it, because most of the tattoos i want are dead poets society tattoos, i guess some part of me, within the part of me that feels so incredibly tied to it, feels as if if i were able to get a tattoo i’d owe it to the movie in some way, if that makes any sense. i’ve already begged a friend of mine to go with me to get my first once i get to new york, the question though, is what to get first. i’ve got time to make a decision (for once in my life) i just spend a lot of time thinking about it.

honestly, i have never known a school rule to make sense. banning ripped jeans? banning dyed hair? it’s almost as if if they don’t stifle everything natural about kids expressing themselves they dont feel like they’re doing anything. but i digress. the same-sex couple rules were. awful. 12 year old me had enough going on without having an administrator yell at my friend and i for hugging in the courtyard and not leaving until we were a foot apart, but hey.

okay, jumping over a fence to go to a mcdonalds? how coming of age indie movie manic pixie dream girl of you /hj

200k words, is that a challenge? also ahaha not at all like my italian uncle up there just opened a ‘pizzeria’ /hj but mob!star au? might be a project i should start… granted, i’m not as good a storyteller as you, but i can try.

when i was little, i wanted to revolutionise things, i guess. i even actually wrote out a campaign, i wonder if its still somewhere. thank you for believing in me, but these days, bee, i’m thinking less about changing the world, and more about making it the next few weeks, and then the ones after that. little star was aware of so much, but also so little. i wonder what they’d think of me now, honestly.

i did, in fact, teach archery, it was so fun but my arms got SO SORE, and the kid who challenged my archery skills seemed surprised when i actually,, hit the bullseyes. my inner susan was happy then. incidentally the experience is also why i made a playlist called “touchstarved and wanting to teach you to shoot a bow” which low-key slaps when i’m lonely. and bee omg i cannot believe you said im better than susan pevensie i will be thinking about this for the rest of my life thank you- and yes, yes it was named aslan, however did you guess? /j prince caspian<33333

i’ll let you know my results from the tournament, as soon as they come out, and i say this having just put on pjs after taking off my suit, and sitting in the room with my cat in my dear evan hansen hoodie, frantically refreshing the results page because i’m anxious and impatient.

i hope you have a good night, with fitful and restful sleep, i’m sorry this got to be so long, but you know me, i certainly can talk. i’m honestly shocked i even made it to finals, considering i was running off four hours of sleep, having gone to bed at three last night. whoops.

all my love, hugs, and a warm mug of tea,

yours,

star✨

p.s i said yes so that?? happened?? it honestly feels surreal but we’re not gonna be in the same place anymore come the end of this year, so that’ll be something to deal with

P.p.s might just start adding spanish or latin or russian phrases to these if i keep having to translate your cute french bee /lh /hj

star my love, i know you said don't apologise, but i think the word 'sorry' makes up about 60% of my vocabulary. i'm okay!! was just a bit icky, but luckily i've recovered now!!

that's so nice - and again, makes so much sense for you. i think you would work perfectly in welton, i know it. i love bringing the messages from that film into my own life, as silly as it may sound. i'm astonished, and so fucking jealous of you. i used to finish tests maybe half an hour early, but hours is so impressive??? fun fact i did finish my physics final in about 45 minutes and slept for the other hour <3 neil would b proud my love!!! oh my god - i'm so sorry that happened??? but that is also so neil kinnie??? it seems futile me saying this, but i assure you that you are hispanic enough, and queer enough, and non-binary enough. you are enough, period. more than enough even. imposter syndrome is the worst, and i'm so so sorry you're dealing with it.

she did that to herself, you just saw an opportunity /lh a midnight premiere of the force awakens sounds so cute though omg - i hope you had the absolute best time. the r + e carving actually broke me. as a die hard reddie shipper since 2017, seeing the movie make it basically canon?! had me a mess in the cinema.

you are ridiculously comforting and cosy, everything about you feels like a warm hug from a familiar face and i love it. and the way you write is so smooth, it makes me think of a quill smoothly gliding across parchment, the deep black ink unsmudged and pristine. that seems a little pretentious of me, but oh well.

i also want some dps tattoos!! i desperately want "and still we sleep" from todd's poem, and was also so so tempted to get an outline drawing of meeks + pitts dancing on the roof. i love that, and i can't wait until the day you get it, whichever one it may be. my one concern is becoming addicted to them and making my bank account suffer - at least my piercing obsession is a little easier to fund /hj

i've NEVER gotten that - they claim it's 'distracting' but how on earth would it be?? when i got to college, no one was distracted by my dyed hair, and i certainly wasn't distracted by other people's outfits or painted nails. you were yelled at. for hugging. a friend.. what the fuck is wrong with these people??

just call me ramona flowers star /j it was possibly the highlight of my school career, sans hiding in the back room of the music room to avoid a maths test

i bet you're an amazing storyteller, if these letters are anything to go by. it would be a new york times best seller, i know it

we all have to take things one step at a time, i think. that's the only way i really get through things if i'm honest. one day after another and the cycle repeats. i love wondering what young me would think of me now - i'd probably be intimidated of myself, but i like to think i'd be proud that i'm still here, pursuing something i love

that playlist. sounds nothing short of sheer perfection. i too am touch starved and want to teach someone to shoot a bow - even though i.. cannot shoot a bow... but i can wield a sword so, it's close enough.

i saw your message about the tournament results - im so fucking proud of you!!!! you deserve it so so much and i couldn't be happier for you. see, your words and ideas are changing the world, even if you don't realise it.

ps; that is so fun???? omg im so happy for you star, you deserve tis <33 i hope towards the end of this year whatever happens leaves you both happy, no matter how far the distance.

pps; omg no.. please don't do that.. aha that would be awful... definitely wouldn't make my heart race.. haha not at all

all of my love, star. pardon the pun, but you are out of this world ;) i'll leave you with one of my favourite quotes;

il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé <3

#asks <3 #anon asks!#star anon #long post

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thexfridax · 4 years

Link

Translated interview

A new politics of love - An interview with Adèle Haenel on 'Portrait of a Lady on Fire'

By Barbara Fohringer, in: The Gap, 28th of October 2019

Additions or clarifications for translating purposes are denoted as [T: …]

The film 'Portrait of a Lady on Fire' not only shows a same-sex love but also an equal one between two women in the 18th century. The Gap met with Adèle Haenel, one of the two leading actresses, for a conversation.

Marianne (Noémie Merlant), a painter in the 18th century, is commisioned to do a portrait of the aristocratic Héloïse (Adèle Haenel) - without her knowledge -, as Héloïse already refused to sit for another painter. Héloïse, whose sister has recently died, is promised to a nobleman in Milan, her portrait is meant to illustrate her future marriage. In Céline Sciamma's ('Water Lilies', 'Tomboy', 'Girlhood') new film, it is two women who fall in love with each other, two women who are equals.

'Portrait of a Lady on Fire' received the Best Screenplay award and 'Queer Palm' at the Cannes Film Festival this year. The film opened the Viennale a couple of days ago. Adèle Haenel ('Water Lilies', 'The Bloom of Yesterday', '120 BPM') came to Vienna for this event - and answered some of our questions.

Interviewer: Why did you choose this role? Why did it appeal to you?

Adèle Haenel: I've known Céline Sciamma, the director, for a long time. We met twelve years ago and did our first film together, and I think, she is currently one of the most talented directors in France. [T: 🥰] I then read the screenplay, and thought it is a wonderful love story. When I finished reading it, I cried.

I: How did you approach the role? How did prepare for it? It is after all a period film, which takes place at the end of the 18th century.

AH: I never think like that. The fact that it is a period film doesn't influence the way I'm acting. It would be the wrong approach, to think about acting in that way. It doesn't matter in which period the story takes place, but it's about the problem that this film deals with. You cannot say: This is the way to prepare for a period drama. I was interested in the key question of the film and that it's centred around queer people. We wanted to tell a new love story, because it's about the love between two people that are equals. It's two women of roughly the same age. They are of similar height and intelligence. None of them dominates the other. This was our foundation. We asked ourselves, how this collaboration - in love - could work and how we could show love without possession. It's about a new politics of love. It was important for us to show a certain sexiness in equality, consent and non-possession. This opened up new concepts, as we are not yet used to these kinds of stories. We are used to think of submission as sexy - but not of equality. That was the main thing. When I took on the role, I considered it as a journey from object to subject. That is the character's journey.

I: The film not only shows the equality of the characters in terms of its content, but also visually, it virtually creates a female gaze, a new perspective on female characters. How was the shooting, and how did you, the director and you, approach the characters?

AH: Yes, that was the plan. It really is a Post-#MeToo-film. I don't think it would have been possible to make the film beforehand, because there was little understanding about the concept of alienation between women or rather solidarity between women. We talk more with each other now, there are more alliances between women. You can see this with the character of Sophie the maid. She is a maid, but she is also much more than that and has her own story, independent of the two main characters. The film consists of many long shots, and has its own rhythm. I think, the framing also demonstrates the relationship between the characters. Sometimes we as actors didn't have much room to move, sometimes we had more.

I: The aspect of class was also interesting for me, as just discussed for the character of Sophie, and also the fact, that it's about art and how you create this image of another person. How did you approach this theme?

AH: Art is part of the love story in this film, although you could also say the opposite. The film is also about working on a piece of art. The character of Marianne asks herself what qualifies as a good portrait - does it have to contain the soul of a person or is it rather about capturing a moment in time. Marianne didn't ask herself these questions before that, she followed the rules in her way, so when she meets Héloïse she is forced to question herself and to become aware of her choices. Of course, I don't have anything to do with the pictures, but Noémie Merlant took some lessons with Hélène Delmaire, who made all the pictures that you can see in the film.

I: What other female roles are you interested in?

AH: I'm more interested in the dynamics of a film. So every character intrigues me and there is no topic that doesn't appeal to me. The dynamics and the point of view are close to my heart. Sure, you can also say that fight scenes or riding a motorcycle or whatever are interesting, but that's not really the point.

I: What did you learn about yourself and the business since you became an actress?

AH: I don't know about that, but I do know: If a do a film, then I have philosophical and political questions that I'm asking myself at the time. Every film that I made since 2012 tried to answer one of those questions. It's not necessarily about me. But rather pursuing an idea. Younger actresses and actors, who want to learn the trade, need to listen to what brings them joy. [T: Mari Kondo vibes, she actually says inner joy] The feeling for acting you can, you have to feel. It's not just in your head, but also in your heart. Many have that and they must not let go of it. Don't follow the rules and stay true to yourself. But you also have to be careful, there can be problematic situations.

I: Right now, it's the Viennale in Vienna. Do you have a connection with Austrian films?

AH: My father is from Austria, that's why I have a special connection with this country, but I'm not that familiar with the Austrian cinema. But I'm interested in working in German. I would like to do more films or theatre plays in German.

I: Your German is quite good already, especially, when you consider that you learned the language quite late.

AH: I learned German when shooting 'The Bloom of Yesterday'. But when I'm tired, everything is kaputt (laughs) [T: broken]. I'd rather speak in English then. However, I did the Q&A in German in the cinema yesterday.

I: Can you already tell us something about your new projects?

AH: I'm currently working at the theatre. We just started with the rehearsals and will perform next year. [T: 🙏🏿] The play is called 'The Pond' by Robert Walser [T: which is directed by Gisèle Vienne and also stars Ruth Vega Fernandez, see here]. We originally wanted to do this play in German, but we will do it in French now - I think. If we do perform this play internationally, then we might switch to German. Either way, I know the text in French and German. 'The Trouble with You' by Pierre Salvadori will be released in Austria soon. (Editor's note: [...] from 8th of November 2019.)

I: Many French films are quite successful internationally but also in Austria. What do you think is the reason for this success?

AH: France has an exceptional financing system for films. Every film that is successful in cinema gets funding afterwards, which can then be invested in new film projects. We produce a lot of films, even though we are not such a big country. The French film has a very good reputation. I believe, this benefits arthouse films as well as commercial ones.

I: What profession would you have taken, if you hadn't become an actress?

AH: I think, I would give acting classes then.

#Adèle Haenel #Austrian interview #The Gap #2019 #PoaLoF #Portrait of a Lady on Fire #Portrait de la jeune fille en feu #I love what she says about Céline #Find a woman who can do both #Ride a (tiny) motorcycle #And look smashing in costume #BUT where is the Q&A from the Viennale?!#My translation #long post

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disaster-bay-leaf · 3 years

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Ok so these were the cutest~ (ㆁωㆁ)

4, 6, 7, 9, 12, 19, 22, 23, 28, 33, 34, 46, 47, 52, 59, 60, 63, 66, 83, 87, 88, 93, 99

I kno I listed like....all of them lmao but feel free to answer whichever you want and ofc you can ask me in return Baybe ( ◜‿◝ )♡

uHUHUHUHU much content for me to answer, im happy bebe 💜💜💜✨

4 - how do you take your coffee/tea?

hm coffee either Very Black No Sugar (for the sleep deprived me) or iced latte three sugars and theres no in between

and as for tea its All Black Teas That Exist, cinnamon-flavoured especially (but basically all teas that come to mind when u think “autumn”), and rooibos!!! okay basically the only oke i dont like is any type of green tea (which is sad because they look cool but my tastebuds said ✨no✨)

6 - do you keep plants?

honestly id l o v e too because i love plants but,,, im kinda horrible at taking care of them though still way better than the majority of my family (research helps) so the only plant i own is kinda a small-palm-tree-looking thing in a bigass glass jar that i saved from my mother’s plant-destructing hands and its mostly doing well (the ends of its leaves are starting to be yellow tho and im worried:((( )

7 - do you name your plants?

yes!!! though the current one was named by my sister and its called “pickett” after fantastic beasts shsjjsj

9 - do you like singing/humming to yourself?

oh god oh dude you have n o idea

i have absolutely n o singing voice but its something i do constantly to give my brain the right amount of stimuli so basically i listen to music 24/7 and hum to myself 99% of that time

12 - whats your favourite planet?

oh i actually didnt think about this for so long but either pluto (hes a planet screw nasa) or saturn (RINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) or venus (girls,,,and libra,,,)

19 - do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw in it?

okay im gonna be completely honest with yall and say that my every single try at keeping a journal failed spectacularly and i lost motivation after like a few months so my only journals rn are my fancy fake-leather-bound calendar to note tests and assessments into, a kinda roughed up notebook that i uses for noting down poems or scribbling or passing notes in class, and a kinda fancy bullet journal notebook that i used as a book of shadows for a while but since my fountain pen died i didnt touch it

22 - are you a morning person?

n o

i am so not a morning person but i wish i could be because honestly dawns are beautiful

but as it is rn im either sleep deprived all the time and loathe every second of being in an awake state or (if i have a few days of schoolbreak) my biological clock moves forward a few hours and i sleep 2am-10am

23 - whats your favourite thing to do on lazy days with zero obligations?

except for the fact that i dont remember the last time it happened, i would probably spend it drawing outside, watching anime with my sister and riding a bike around the forest

28 - sunrise or sunset?

i love sunrises because its so peaceful and everyone is asleep but also i subconsciously immediately correlate them with waiting for a train to take me to school (because thats basically the only time i see them) so its a bittersweet love especially with my fucked up biological clock

but sunsets are really really pretty too and i see them more often so i cant choose

33 - whats your fave pastry?

and isnt that a millior-dollar question dhsjjsjsj

either cinnamon rolls (i absolutely adore them) or that one specific type of cupcake-shaped-thing made out of shortcrust/bread/whatever its called and filled with vanilla pudding

34 - tell us about a stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

awwww this is cute

okay so basically my two favourite stuffed animals (i still have them, they sit in my wardrobe) were two teddy bears (like maybe 20cm high each of them) and one was pure brown and the other was silver-brown and they had stereotypical polish male names “Waldek” (read. Valdek) and Stefan (i think tho im not sure if i remember correctly, my memory is a feeble thing sometimes

46 - tell us the worst pun you can think of

what dog would never bite you? a hot dog *badumtss*

47 - what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

huh a year ago id say pineapple pizza but i guess i dont hate pineapples that much anymore (tho putting them on pizza is still an abomination) but i think that if id ever want to get rid of anything it would be parsley, i hate that freakin herb (does it count as food tho)

52 - what are your favourite memes of the year so far?

the ever given for sure shsjshjsjsjsjjsj

but bullying tramp stamps is gold and pure tumblr energy too

as for fandom memes: im in love with all keeping-up-with-the-todorokis variations and the fact that the entire bsd fandom looked at fukuchi and said “biTCH” and thats one of the only things we’re unanimous about

59 - whats your favourite myth?

i always liked the kora/persephone myth (though demeter is an overbearing parent to the nth power), loki and thor crossdressing at a party to get mjolnir back, atalanta because shes a queen and id politely ask her to kick my ass, and cassandra because she deserved better, and theres a l o t more because alas i was a mythology nerd but this post is long enough for me not to make this section 20 times longer sjjsjsjsjsjks

but there are a lot of slavic myths that are very cool too, though we dont know that much about them as about the greeks for example

60 - do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

o o o o h yeah i do like poetry because to create such a beautifully sounding thing with only words someone has to be a genius

some of my favs are: some works of nakahara chuuya (thank u bsd for introducing me to this man’s beautiful imagery in his works i swear to god the descriptions do it for me) (also his poem about having hangovers is a mood like i feel you buddy), the raven by ea poe (i know everyone likes it but hOLY DAMN THE INTER/INTRAVERSE RHYMES ARE LIKE,,, BREATHTAKING) (and aso im a slut for gothic horror), and many more but also That One Poem From Welcome To Nightvale about reaching the island in the west,,, only perfect vibes from it

63 - are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organised or kinda leave them be?

okay heres the thing. for anyone else both my playlist library and my bookshelf would be considered pure chaos of a mad man b u t they actually have a highly focused system which means that i sort them based on their vibes, lovability and (in case of books) their age and whether or not theyre a part of a series so i would say my bookshelf is rather organised (when a quarter of it isnt occupying my desk that is) and my music is more organised than not but sometimes it gets out of control and i have to sort it entirely again

66 - what would your ideal flower crown look like?

either entirely constructed of simple white daisies, entirely constructed of only white roses, or something that probably would win a “how many different coloured flowers can one fit in a flower crown” competition

or something purple (maybe not belladonna)

83 - whats some of your favourite album art?

god i dont know if it counts but hozier’s wasteland baby is probably one of my absolute favourites and no one shall beat that

“thrifted youth” (dalynn) and “standard deviation” (danny schmidt) have very aesthetic covers too

also the iconic p!atd too weird to live, too rare to die! album cover,,, its just iconic what can i say

and last but not least matt meason’s pink-and-black album covers (though bank on the funeral is really pretty too but like,,, “who killed matt meason” d o e s it for me and so does the 2017 tribulation single)

87 - what are some movies that you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

this is such a hard question because im not a really cinematography-oriented gal but i suppose that (at the risk of not going deep enough into the cinema world):

- the princess bride

- inception

- night at the museum

- SPIRITED AWAY

- forrest gump

- truman show

- E.T. (i cried okay)

- the lord of the rings (because damn me if this isnt one impressive adaptation)

- parasite

and one more personal recommendation: “ready or not” with samara weaving because goddamn i dont usually watch this genre but holy s h i t is it good

93 - whats the hairstyle you wear the most?

honestly just plain hair down (because having curly hair is a menace), split in the middle when i have longer hair and split on one side when its short

also low ponytails or half-up-half-down when im exercising, or double french braids when my hair doesnt cooperate enough to look presentable in any other form

99 - list some songs that resonate with your soul whenever you hear them

this is difficult because my music taste is a goddamn rollercoaster on a good day, but heres some:

- me and the sky from “come from away” musical (this is sort of a test song for my mental stability, if i cry i aint stable)

- dancing after death by matt meason (okay most songs by matt meason except for like,,, hallucinogenics maybe)

- tears and rain by james blunt

- i will follow you into the dark by death cab for cutie

- almost home by mxmtoon

- anything by hozier really but shrike especially

- payphone, the cover by alex g (i cried to this song so many times)

- burning pile by mother mother (can i roast all my problems please)

- long way from home and cleopatra by the lumineers

- autoclave by the mountain goats

oooh that was c o o o o o o o l as fuck thank you sm so much bebe (and sorry for the long post @everyone else)

#smadhuman being pure af #bay answers #long post #very long post #ask #asks

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megalony · 4 years

Text

She’s a good girl

This is my new murderer! Ben Hardy series that was requested by the lovely @peterquillzsblog thank you for the request, I hope you all will like it.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @peterquillzsblog @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg

Murderer! Ben masterlist

Series masterlist

Summary: (Y/n) is a good girl from a church-going family and her brother, Joe is trying to put Ben behind bars. But when (Y/n) starts to fall for the dangerous killer, things get complicated.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Joe!" The surprise in (Y/n)'s voice was evident but the smile on her face showed it was not an unhappy surprise to find her eldest sibling sitting at the small dining table in the back room. With the odd shifts he worked, Joe tended not to tell them whenever he was coming round, he just turned up unannounced but always welcomed with open arms.

"(Y/n), hey I didn't know you were here." Joe spoke as if he temporarily forgot that (Y/n) still lived here with their parents but she knew what he was referring to. He thought she would be out somewhere with friends or at the cinema or just somewhere doing something. It never seemed to dawn on Joe that he had more freedom than she did because he didn't live at home anymore and he had a demanding job.

"Where else would I be?" (Y/n)'s voice was tender and there was a smile on her lips that showed she was trying to make a lighthearted joke when in fact her heart was weighing heavy in her chest.

When her arms wrapped around Joe, it made the pain in her chest subside until she almost forgot it was there entirely.

(Y/n) knew she was much better off than some people and her life was by no means horrid or gruelling, but it could be oppressive at times. She was the daughter of a Reverend and her mother was highly respected so it fell to her to make a good example and be a good and respected girl. Being the youngest also seemed to put more pressure onto (Y/n), like she had to live up to everybody in her family and try to be the best.

She helped her mother around the house, as per her mother's request, she helped her father with church events and making pamphlets and setting up the church ready for sermon on Sunday's. When family friends came round they awed and smiled at her like she was ten years old and they treated her like a little girl.

It made (Y/n) want to be rebellious, it made her want to go out without telling anyone and stay out late or all night. It made her want to have secrets of her own that she wouldn't tell anyone.

(Y/n) had no secrets.

She had no place to go that was her own, her parents always knew where she was when she went out and she came home at the stated time. She was the model child that she was tired of being now. Even Cora, her elder sister, wasn't this oppressed by their parents. But then again, Cora was going out with a lawyer and their parents deemed that as very good and he was 'respectable' so Cora was given more leeway and the benefit of the doubt.

Joe was a police officer and he worked hard and was good at his job so he was excused from everything. He wasn't obliged to come home on Wednesday for dinner like he used to when he went to college. He wasn't obliged or forced to go to church on Sunday or come home for Sunday lunch and dinner because of his work.

(Y/n) envied him so badly and the worst thing was that he didn't even know how lucky he was.

"What are you up to?" (Y/n) looked over Joe's shoulder, trying to be inconspicuous and not let him see how curious she was being. 'Curiosity killed the cat' (Y/n)'s mother would always say, but for (Y/n), 'satisfaction brought him back'.

Her eyes zoomed in on the brown paper file that was sitting almost untouched on the dining table. She couldn't see what papers were held within the file, but she knew enough to know that this was a personal file that was most likely about a criminal Joe was trying to catch. (Y/n) knew her brother all too well and when he was assigned someone to bring to justice, Joe stopped at nothing until he got them.

"I've got the afternoon off so I thought I'd come round, mum's been nagging me to come for dinner." Joe pulled back form the hug and leaned against the chair he had previously been sitting on, looking like he forgot there was a file behind him.

"Been busy at work?"

"God, I'm so close, (Y/n). There's this guy I've been after for weeks, he's the worst kind of guy to put in prison, there's never any evidence to put him away and he knows it. I can't figure him out but I know I'm this close to catching him." There was a yearning in Joe's voice as he pinched his index finger and thumb together to show just how close he felt he was to getting this man.

(Y/n) knew Joe couldn't tell her any details about whoever he was searching for but the passion in her brother's voice made her hopeful that this would work out in his favour.

"Joey, could you come here a minute?"

A smile formed on (Y/n)'s lips as she shared a look with her brother, no matter how many times he told their mother he wanted to be called Joe, she insisted on calling him Joey like she had done since he was a baby.

(Y/n) watched her brother walk out of the room and turn left to go into the bite size kitchen to find their mother. No matter how crude, inconsiderate or annoying their mother could be, Joe was always as sweet as sugar with her. He could do no wrong in her eyes and he always had the magic affect on her to calm her down. If she rowed with (Y/n) or Cora, Joe would diffuse the situation completely.

Pressing her lips into a thin line, (Y/n) leaned to look into the kitchen to make sure Joe was occupied and wouldn't be back any second before she cautiously moved over to the table. Her stomach buzzed with anticipation when she walked closer to the table until she was within reach of the file resting there. She knew she shouldn't, she knew it was wrong and against the rules and (Y/n) was a rule follower, not a rule breaker.

But she was so tempted. Just a sneak peek, just to see what kind of man Joe was after and what he had done. (Y/n) hadn't met a criminal before and she wanted to know what kind of people her brother helped to put away.

When her fingers skimmed over the file, (Y/n) felt like she was going to burn at the touch for how wrong this was, but she persevered and slowly pulled open the file. She knew she couldn't mess with the orders of the pages or scatter them on the table or Joe would chide her and get mad with her for even attempting to read the file he mistakenly left out fir her pleasure.

The first thing she noticed was a picture clipped to the left hand corner of the first page. It looked like a photo from a distance, it wasn't a mugshot but then again Joe had said they didn't manage to arrest this man. He didn't look how (Y/n) thought a murderer would look, this man was almost normal. He was very tall, he seemed to be muscular, he was well-shaven and had a sharp jawline, he had hair that was rather long on top and formed into waves and he had the most enticing eyes (Y/n) had ever seen.

She could feel her hand shaking when she cautiously reached out to lift the picture so she could read the first page.

The list seemed never-ending.

Murder, at least five counts that they knew of which he had never been convicted for. Blackmail on what seemed to be a very large scale, public violence, threatening behaviour, money laundering that he was actually caught for but somehow didn't get more than two months in prison for. GBH on numerous accounts but each time the victim backed out of testifying against him.

This man owned a boxing club and gym but Joe had written a question mark next to this and (Y/n) could faintly read his scribbled handwriting that said 'a front?' Maybe things were happening at the club that Joe couldn't explain or seemed dodgy.

(Y/n) dared to see what other pages were in this file and the first handful were victims. Some were postmortems, others were hospital records showing what he seemed to have done to people, broken ribs, broken nose, fractured and splintered arms and legs, shot in the kneecap, shot in the lung, broken sternum, pulled tendons and torn ligaments.

Looking back to the first page (Y/n) scanned over the information to find this man's name. Ben Hardy. That didn't sound like the name of a killer, it seemed rather pleasing to the ears.

When footsteps caught (Y/n)'s attention she quickly closed the file and took a few steps away, turning herself to face the bookcase up against the wall behind the door to hide what she had just witnessed. His name kept rattling around in her head and the list of his crimes were so horrid and long but it shocked (Y/n) that they had all the information of his crimes but he was hardly punished for any of them. He certainly got away with a lot.

This man killed people, he hurt whoever he liked, he threatened and blackmailed them to carry on doing what he wanted and he evaded the police at every turn. His life was something (Y/n) could barely comprehend or imagine after the sheltered life she had lived and the way she had been brought up. (Y/n) couldn't see how someone could ever turn out like that.

He was the total opposite of her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The fresh air hit (Y/n) like a wave rolling over the sand, it consumed her lungs until she felt like they were going to explode. The church was a sanctuary for many, it was a safe place to sit or hide or confess or just try and wait for a premonition or a sign. When (Y/n) was little, the church was a castle she wanted to explore but at the same time was far too afraid to drift from the alter or stand from the aisles once she was sat down.

There was never any need for (Y/n) to confess, she hadn't any crimes or worries weighing down on her for that. She didn't need sanctuary nor a safe place and she wasn't waiting for a sign. The church wasn't a hiding place or a second home to (Y/n) but it was her habitat for an hour every Sunday and for a while during the week when need be.

Every Sunday, eleven o'clock without fail, (Y/n) could be found in the second row on the left hand side, listening to her father recollecting a different story from the bible, giving his thoughts about a certain topic in a speech and reciting hymn numbers to them all to sing. Sunday sermons were an instinct and a habit ever since (Y/n) had been born, it was her way of life but sometimes she still felt that she didn't truly understand or appreciate it enough. On days when the world was tough on her, the sermons were a blessing. On days when she wanted to explore or find herself or do something, they were a drag that she couldn't escape from.

But today her mind wasn't able to focus on what her father was saying and she knew he noticed she wasn't singing along with all the hymns either. Being able to escape the beacon that was the church and feel the fresh air made (Y/n) feel somewhat faint after being in the musty air of the church that was suffocating.

Smoothing down her usual baby blue dress that she wore to church, (Y/n) walked over to the willow tree in the church ground and perched herself on the brick wall separating the grass verge from the pavement.

Her father would still be tidying up, collecting the papers and any donations, then he had to tidy the alter and get changed which took roughly twenty minutes that (Y/n)'s mother spent gossiping with friends. Joe was at work so he wasn't here for (Y/n) to talk to and Cora was yapping away with her friends. When everyone was ready, they went back home and had their usual Sunday lunch, and then (Y/n) helped her mother make Sunday dinner.

Sunday's were the most calming day of the week but they did drag and they made (Y/n) feel uneasy but she didn't quite know why.

(Y/n) let her eyes wander her surroundings, she could see her house from here. With her father being the Reverend, they automatically had a house as close to the church as they could manage and that was daunting to (Y/n), growing up so close to a place of worship that everyone said was a house of God. Like God really lived there and any sin she committed, any act she made, would be seen and judged by the being himself.

A shudder ran down her spine at the thought and her hand absentmindedly reached up to touch the small golden cross pendant hanging around her neck. Just as her hand touched the pendant, something caught her eye and her head leaned to the side, her eyes narrowing to focus on what moved in the corner of her vision.

It was him.

It was the man Joe was so close to catching, the one he was hell bent on taking to court and locking away in prison and throwing away the key. It was the man who had committed unspeakable crimes that haunted Joe in the middle of the night.

She was sure her face didn't resemble any panic or fear but she had caught his eye, maybe with the way she was staring in his direction. It felt like the world had slowed down around her and she watched him approach her in slow motion.

(Y/n) could hear his dark black shoes clicking against the pavement like horse shoes clobbering on the cobbles. He wore a plain white cotton shirt that covered his shoulders but exposed the rest of his arms to her view and he wore brown trousers with matching chocolate brown braces secured on his shoulders. He had a symbol on his right arm that didn't make any kind of shape that (Y/n) was familiar with yet it enticed her vision so much. He had Roman numerals, one on each knuckle on his right hand but (Y/n) couldn't see what numbers they represented.

The stranger- the killer, has shorter hair than he did in the picture she had seen in Joe's file, his hair was sticking up but it curled very slightly at the ends near his forehead. His green eyes were sparkling but the light caught the darkness of his pupils rather than the colour of his iris'. And his lips, (Y/n) had never seen lips that were such a dark shade of red with swirls of pink etched into the middle.

The way she seemed to be staring at him with eyes as wide as saucers made him grin and his smile was not normal. It wasn't sinister or crooked like a murder's smile should be, but it wasn't as kind or concerning or genuine as a humble man's should be. His smile was sweet, it was sickly sweet like chocolate with far too much sugar added into the mix. He was the cat that was eyeing up the cream.

How could such a dashing and seemingly respectable man be a killer?

"Hello." His voice was calming like the sound of the sea calmly lapping at the shore or at the sides of boats it was guiding to their destinations.

"Ben."

As soon as the name passed through her lips, (Y/n) bunched her hand into the hem of her dress, feeling like she had just spilled a secret to someone who should not find it out. She surprised the man towering over her, the smile didn't fade from his lips but there was a look of caution in his eyes as he wondered how she could know his name when they had never met before. He would remember a pretty face like hers.

"Now I'm very sure that if we met, I'd remember a lovely lady like yourself... so how do you know my name?" Ben stuffed his hands into his pockets, leaning his side against the brick wall the girl was sitting on, looking at him like she had just hurt him or told some kind of revelation to him.

His words were kind and his tone was reassuring, but there was something behind his voice and his carefully chosen words that made (Y/n) cautious. It was like he was throwing her a lifeline and she had to take it, she couldn't go against him or lie. She felt like she was trapped and he was offering her a way out... or maybe he was putting her into the trap.

"I... um, I think my brother knows you."

What was she doing? She was conversing with a criminal- a murderer, no less. If Joe was here at church right now and he saw this he would scold (Y/n) until she had third degree burns. He would be yelling at Ben to step away from his baby sister, he would find a means to arrest him right here, right now. If (Y/n)'s mother or even her sister saw her talking to a stranger they would be wary and tell her off.

But somehow, (Y/n) couldn't find it in herself to walk away.

"Does he now, who is he? I should ask him why he never told me he had a sister." (Y/n) couldn't fathom why he was talking to her, he was leaning so close to her so casually like it was nothing, he was smiling at her like she was the only person here worth talking to. He was taking some kind of interest in her when he had no need. How could this man be a murderer?

"I should go... h-he won't like me talking to you." (Y/n) tipped her head down to face her shoes, biting her lip so hard she could feel blood.

What was happening to her? Here she was, talking to a murderer without feeling afraid of him, instead she felt pulled to him, intrigued by him and fascinated, wanting to get closer. Yet when she tried to do the right thing and force herself to push him away, she ended up sounding like the child everyone was making her out to be.

(Y/n) wanted to be seen as a grown up, she was eighteen, she could go out and drink, she could drive, when she had the money she wanted to get her own place to live just like Joe. She wanted to meet people and talk to them without supervision or being told it was wrong or she was too young. (Y/n) wanted to make her own choices, she wanted to have a boyfriend and go out and do what she pleased without her family telling her what to do.

"What's so bad about me, lovely lady? Do you have to run everything past this brother of yours, or can you bend the rules just a little, for me?" Ben ducked his head down until he could look at (Y/n) properly since her head was bowed down.

His gentle yet somewhat cheeky smile made (Y/n)'s heart jump and when she lifted her head to look up at him, her breathing stopped when his thumb reached out to smudge away the blood on her lower lip.

"He's a policeman, officer (Y/l/n). But I guess he doesn't have to know everything."

(Y/n) could see the realisation dawn on Ben's face showing that he must have had quite a few run-ins with Joe. But instead of Ben retreating, pulling away or even becoming angry or hostile now that he knew who she was related to, he simply smiled. It didn't seem to bother him that (Y/n) was related to an officer trying to get him put in prison. A small part of (Y/n) wondered why Ben wasn't leaving, she could be trying to get information on him for all he knew, but then again, Ben had been the one to approach her.

"Does this lovely lady have a name?" Ben watched the way (Y/n) looked behind them at the church and the sea of people that were hovering around like bees. She was checking no one was watching or noticing. Stuffing his hand into his pocket, Ben pulled out a cigarette and a deep red lighter. He placed the smoke between his lips before motioning to the lighter. "Do you mind?"

(Y/n) noticed how he could speak almost perfectly despite the cigarette between his lips. Her head nodded to confirm that it was fine if he smoked around her, she had friends who smoked but had never had the privilege herself, her parents deemed it was not a habit she should pick up and so she never did.

When she watched the smoke pass through his lips and the way his perfectly round lips moulded around the stub of the cigarette, (Y/n) almost lost herself in thought until his head dipped down to look at her better again and he smiled around the cigarette.

"(Y/n)..."

"Do you wanna try it? I won't tell him if you won't." For a moment, Ben could see his words confused (Y/n) until he removed the smoke from his lips and held it out towards her. He could see the way she was watching him take drags and bite the end between his teeth, she was wide-eyed and enamoured by such a trivial habit. He could also see she thought he meant Joe for a moment until his eyes darted upwards and showed he meant he wouldn't tell 'the man upstairs', he wouldn't tell God if she didn't in case she wasn't smoking in fear it would be a sin.

(Y/n) flitted her eyes between the cigarette and Ben until he cracked a grin when he understood. He was hunching his shoulders over and leaning his head down so they could be level but she knew if she stood up, she would be even smaller than he was. Ben put the cigarette back to his lips and inhaled deeply, breathing the smoke into the air before he held it out to her.

His eyes watched the people around the church like he was keeping watch and they were committing a crime.

She gingerly took the bad habit from his fingers, trying to hold it between her thumb and index finger in the same way he did before she brought it to her lips. (Y/n) didn't take a long drag, just inhaled a small amount and tried to hold it in her lungs. She could feel the nicotine and smoke battling around in her lungs for the first time and it made her chest shiver in wonder. When she breathed the smoke into the air, her lungs quivered and she coughed quietly but still smiled all the same.

It wasn't as bad as her mother always made it out to be, it didn't even burn her lungs like she thought it would.

"Thanks." (Y/n) breathed quietly as she handed the smoke back over to Ben who took it gratefully, grinning like the Cheshire cat when he realised a small lipstick stain was left at the end.

When the growing chatter reached her ears, (Y/n) turned her head to look over her shoulder and noticed that her mother was getting ready to go inside the church again. That meant her father would be ready to go home in a minute. She couldn't help the sigh that passed through her lips when she realised she would have to go back home to a boring Sunday lunch, then prepare for a boring Sunday afternoon and evening, just like every other week that had happened all her life.

"Why the long face, doll?"

"I need to go home in a minute." (Y/n)'s tone told Ben that she didn't want to go and that made a sense of pride swell in his chest. She was talking to a complete stranger and he guessed she knew he wasn't the saint she should be looking for, and she didn't want to leave.

"Well, I'll be walking past this spot tomorrow at one o'clock if you think you can disappear for a while."

"Disappear, with you? I don't know if that would be wise, I mean, I've heard things." (Y/n) looked up at Ben through her lashes, letting a small smile form on her lips when he seemed to think she was being serious. It was an offer she knew she wouldn't refuse, no matter how badly her mind was telling her that it wasn't a good idea to fraternise with the man her brother was determined to arrest.

If Joe got his way, this would end badly for her and Ben- if anything even came of this. But if Joe found out, (Y/n) would face more than a lashing from her brother for this, her whole family would be against her.

But this was (Y/n)'s life, she could take the risk.

"Don't believe everything you hear about me, doll." The words were whispered against the shell of her ear and Ben could feel her shivering against him.

A gasp escaped (Y/n)'s lips when she felt the lightest, gentlest of kisses pressing against the junction between her neck and jaw so light that it felt like butterfly wings caressing her skin. (Y/n) had never been kissed there before- Hell, she'd never been kissed at all, but something about the feeling was intoxicating. One moment the butterfly wings were fluttering against her and the next they were gone, just like that. Her eyes were as wide as planets as they followed Ben, watching him pull away from her with a grin that made her stomach flip before he started walking past her.

"Until tomorrow."

#ben hardy #ben x reader #ben hardy imagine #imagine #BoRhap #joe mazzello #joe mazello imagine #murderer! ben #shes a good girl

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georgeharris0n · 4 years

Text

Blisters On His Fingers - Chapter 2 - “First Date, If John Doesn’t Ruin it”

Rating: PG-13

Word Count: 4.3k

Chapters: 2/25

Pairing: George Harrison/Ringo Starr, Minor Paul McCartney/John Lennon

Plot Summery: George can't help but watch Rory Storm and The Hurricanes play, but John and Paul know he just has his eyes for their drummer. Ringo has some problem with his hands, and George may just see his perfect opportunity to talk to the handsome drummer. (Hamburg Beatle Era)

Note: It’s herE! Here’s a litlle something, as a early Christmas gift! Multi Chapter Hamburg Starrison Fic? you bet! @cirilee and I worked very hard on research and planning for the fic and I’m so happy to finaLLY released the first continuation chapter (Thank you sOOO much Ciri! ily ::o::)

Read Chapter 1 Here

Inhaling the stale air in the Bambi Kino cinema was probably the worst thing to wake up to since arriving in Hamburg, but after last night, George barely even noticed. Peeking his eyes open, he adjusted to the artificial light in the damp cement block they called a room. He felt as light as air… George had kissed him. Ringo Starr, George Harrison kissed Ringo Starr.

It’s a wonder George had gotten any sleep at all after that. He remembers staring up at the pitch black ceiling for hours last night and just looking at his smile, the smoothness of his cheek and scruff of his jaw… reliving that moment when he just fucking went for it.

George let out a pleased sigh and stretched his arms above his head.

After a moment he turned over to the bed opposite his only to be faced with two snickering bastards staring back at him. Of-fucking-course, can’t have one single moment of peace can I?

“Sleep alright’ there princess?” John smirked taking a drag from his ciggy.

George groaned. No, not even John could ruin this morning for him.

“Shut up Lennon, and give me drag huh?” He reached toward the nightstand table for the cigarettes, but Paul swooped in all to quick before George could take a blow.

“What the-”

“You can have a ciggy after you tell us the details. So spill.” Paul smirked and scooted beside John, taking advantage of his leverage.

“Details? I- what do you want to know? How do you know anything happened?” George stammered, he thought it would be easy to burst out and tell his best mates what happened, but his nerves seemed to get the best of him.

Paul scoffed. “Well for starters, you woke up in this shithole with that dreamy smile on your face.”

George felt himself flush, gosh he was smiling pretty wide huh?

“Yea, and not to mention you coming home at fucking 4 in the mornin’.” John quipped while tapping his ashes off onto the floor, which Paul detested, but couldn’t really argue with considering how nasty the room already was.

“Well- I.. I’m sure you both enjoyed the alone time.” George teased, hoping to distract from himself a little longer. It held some truth, it was pretty hard living just the three in one room, even harder when he bunked with Pete. John and Paul rarely got to get cozy and the two of them were a committed item, which took awhile since John insisted he wasn’t “queer”. Course, he was over the moon for Paul the moment they met, which was pretty frustrating at first. George saw it, and he knows as soon as those two finally stopped being resisitent, they were all over each other.

John leaned back lazily and chuckled. “I wish! Sadly, Paul wouldn’t put out. The only tossin’ and turnin’ all he’d do was worry about you getting home, real mood killer you are Georgie boy-” Paul smacked a pillow into John’s face before he kept running his mouth.

“Piss off John! He’s distracting us! Come on’ George and tell us before John gets his teeth punched in will ya?”

George snickered at the display of Paul looking like an eager parent or older sibling, practically on the edge of his seat.

George fiddled a little with his hands, remembering how the night before he used these same ones to care for Ringo’s palms. How rough Ringo’s hands felt from years of drumming. George liked that much more than silky soft hands, it’s like every scar and callus could tell a story. He hoped Ringo would let him hold them again during their date- Ohfuck. THEIR DATE.

“Shit! My date! He asked me on a date!” George was standing now, throwing off his blanket and immediately going into a panic.

Ringostarraskedmeonadate! Howcould I forget thaT-

The lad was already rummaging hopelessly for clean clothes to wear to no avail. While John and Paul were both now standing probably trying to catch up on the bomb he just dropped into the room.

“You finally snagged a date with the Hurricane’s drummer?”

John was shocked like he couldn’t believe his ears.

George looked up from his pile of clothes and he knew he was unfolding, it couldn't be stopped now. “I- well I kissed im’ first, then he asked to see me tomorrow, so… yes?”

“Hold on! Wait- you’re telling me you kissed him and didn’t tell us? Just sat there like a smiling idiot knowing you kissed the lad we watched you pine over for months?” Paul was almost offended, all that waiting and George didn't tell him sooner?

“Listen!” George didn’t have time for questions, the stakes were much higher now “Yes! Yes okay? I kissed him, and now we have a date,TODAY, and i have no fucking idea when he gets here so if one of you could get off your asses and HELP ME PLEASE!”

George was losing his mind, he had no idea what to wear, how much time he had, what he was supposed to do- but of course, Paul did. “George, clean yourself up, and I’ll find you some clothes alright?”

“Yeah, and calm down too, don’t want to spook him looking like you just left a crack house.”

George looked over to the wall mirror, he did look frantic, definitely not first date with Ringo material. His eyes were wide, his hair was unruled, and he was nearly shaking. John had a point. This date was way too important, he can’t ruin it by being this nervous.

George just needed to get ready and hope that he doesn’t make a fool of himself.

Good luck with that.

_______________

Paul had George cleaned up real nice. Black drainies, and one of Paul’s clean white shirts tucked in made George cut a fine figure. Topped off with a large smooth pompadour. Very handsome and slim. Paul was very proud of the simple, yet refined appearance he made up for George’s date. He was a good looking lad all the same, and those fangs that pointed when he smiled had to be a deal breaker. Had he had more time (and spare cash), he almost wanted to go buy him a new fit to really shock Ringo. But- the look was still perfect in Paul’s opinion, but John was insistent he add his own little flare to the mix.

“Make you look tougher, like on stage.”

“He’s not going on stage John, he’s going on a date-”

“Yes, and he’s going to wear the damn jacket!” John argued. Draping a leather jacket on George’s shoulders. He took a much larger role in the getting ready process then was expected. He and Paul fussed left and right over how George needed to look, what shirt, how to wear it, what to say, make his hair messy or clean. Boots or loafers. Smile or brood. The two just couldn’t agree.

As per usual.

“George needs this date to go off without a hitch! Who knows? If they go steady, we might get a new drummer.” John winked.

Last week the lads had to get a replacement drummer to sit in after Pete hauled ass back to Liverpool for some kind of “family emergency”. John seems to think George’s date with Ringo could be an opportunity… Ringo was considered the best drummer as far as Liverpool was concerned, and despite George agreeing that Ringo was 20 times better than Pete, he didn’t like what John was implying. Paul seemed to catch onto it quicker than George was though.

“Oh no no NO, you’re not making George’s date about your little fued with Rory! That’s none of your business.” Paul chided, seeing through John’s casual tone. He knew that face and twinkle in his eyes. He was scheming, and John Lennon’s schemes never ended well.

“I’m just saying, you can’t date between competing bands. If Geo plays his cards right-”

George had heard enough, he wasn’t letting this crazy idea get to his head. He wanted to enjoy his date, not be John’s pon.

He was about to speak up when suddenly a loud knock at the back door silenced the whole room.

George looked at the door and felt his palms clam up. He shuffled his feet toward the handle. He thought he was going to pass out. This wasn’t even his first date, but it was his first with Ringo, and somehow that made it all the more important.

Another, more faint knock, hit the door, making George jump back slightly. Is that him? Is he here? Gosh if it’s not him-

“Don't just stand there! Open it.” Paul whispered, clearly waiting in anticipation.

When George gathered up his non existent courage and opened the door up, his jaw nearly dropped to the floor…

If he thought seeing Ringo up on stage, was in itself eye-catching, he was grossly unprepared for when he cleans up for a date.

Ringo was standing at the door, looking a bit flustered, but non the less pleased to see George. That smile. George thought he might lose his footing had he not been gripping the door frame. He almost couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He wanted to drape an arm around Ringo’s shoulders and admire how handsome he looked. He was stunning, he was sporting nice fitted charcoal trousers, with a white and black checker striped shirt tucked in. He even topped it off with a black corduroy jacket.

“Hmm... now that’s what I call boyfriend material.” Paul muttered behind George, who was also admiring Ringo’s attire.

George barely registered what Paul said until Ringo finally spoke.

“Gosh, I’m- speechless, you look real handsome George.” Ringo gaped while he shuffled his hands out of his pockets.

The two were both clearly nervous, and George just couldn’t even believe Ringo was really here. Last night had felt too much like a dream to be real, but… it was and he was here and-

“Whoa there Ringo! You got on this fancy get up for our little Geo?”

Fucking. Hell. John.

Ringo let out a nervous laugh “Suppose’ so, not too fancy I hope. Havn’t got too much money for a proper restaurant...” Ringo scratched the back of his neck. He seemed a little embarrassed, but George was pretty relieved. He wasn’t into fancy smacy places like that anyhow.

But- he was into getting out of here with Ringo as soon as possible before John kept talking. Which was the perfect incentive to push his nerves away for a bit.

“WELL- Guess will be going then! See ya fellas!” George was already walking down the steps and quickly leading Ringo away before those two ruined the date before it even starts.

“You better have him home at a respectable time young man!!!” John yelled out after them which made George cringe. Gosh those two I swear-

George ran a hand up his hair. “Sorry about them, they’re a piece of work.”

Ringo snickered, “Funny though, don’t worry, bet they pick on ya’ too much huh?”

“You don’t know the half of it.”

George and Ringo were walking down Grosse Freiheit, opposite corner from the KaiserKeller where they worked and typically spent their time. George hadn’t explored much of this side of town, but it seemed Ringo knew where they were going, so he didn’t mind it.

It was nearly 3 in the afternoon, so most places had slow business. Once it neared about 5, that’s when most of the sailor, drunkards, and “fast women” slipped out for the nightlife. Despite the occasional peek of a prostitute in the day, most afternoons were strangely quiet considering this was a red light district.

When George arrived in Hamburg, the idea of living in such loose city, with so much sex and alcohol seemed exciting, but other than the advantage of drinking, George wasn’t too into the easy sex. John and Paul tried to set him up once, but he ended up horrified, having not been with a women and being pretty certain he was gay at that point. That only solidified it. He ended up sending her away, she didn’t seem to bothered by it. Probably just looked like a spooked young boy.

Paul stuck around to apologize about it. Make sure he was okay. If anything George was almost happy to know he didn’t fancy girls. John and Paul were always so defensive about it, but when George was having thoughts like that- it felt comforting to know his friends were the same way. That they could understand.

George saw Ringo veering toward the right. They must be close. The walkway was definitely in more uncharted territory, but- a little more secluded. Ringo reached out his hand suddenly, and George hesitated. Sure there wasn’t anyone around, and the area didn’t persecute lads holding hands, but- it was still out in public, and George didn’t quite feel comfortable for that just yet.

Ringo’s smile softened and he lowered his hand into his trouser pocket. “No worries Georgie, the place is right back here, follow me.”

George walked with Ringo down a narrow alleyway leading to a wooden doorway on the side of the building. Already regretting not taking Ringo’s hand, but certainly thankful Richie wasn’t offended by his apprehension.

A quick knock on the door, and it was soon opened up by another fellow. Clean looking boy with rosy cheeks and a slender chin, about Paul’s age or older maybe.

“Afternoon Richard, back again so soon?” The boy smiled, clearly pleased to see Richard here. Where- wherever they were. George felt his arms tense, hoping he wasn’t already feeling jealousy on the date that’s barely started. “Where’s your tall friend?” He continued, while giving George a disappointed side glare.

“Afternoon! Awe this isn’t much his scene really, he’s more interested in birds.” Ringo looked past the boy, and pointed over his shoulder to a booth past the bar-room.

“Mind if we have a seat over that way?” Before the boy could give answer Ringo was already sliding through the doorway with George in tow.

Now standing inside, George could really get a load of the place. It was definitely a bar, but why it was so hidden away was beyond him. It played great music out of some speakers, which seemed to be connected to the local radio. It was pretty full too, especially for this hour, but no one seemed to be very rowdy, mostly just dancing or a having a nice drink.

One thing that did catch Georges eye was the clientele. Every person inside was a bloke. Not a single girl in sight.

“Ringo? Is- is this a gay bar?”

Ringo stopped in front of the booth and looked back at George shyly.

“I- yes, it’s pretty classy, but I wasn’t sure, you know? If you’d been to one before.” George tilted his head, in all honesty he had never seen one before now. It just seemed like they were myths considering how well hidden they were. Not to mention John, Paul, and George never played in gar bars, or expressed interest in one before. Though, Ringo’s logic made sense, why not go to a place that’s guaranteed to be safe for a first date. Not having to watch your back if he wanted to hold Ringo’s hand or maybe share a kiss.

“I’m… I haven't, but I really like it here, seems like a perfect first date spot to me.” George smiled, sliding into the booth.

The date started out really great. Ringo was even more adorable on dates. He ordered them both some drinks and they sipped away talking. It felt like they spoke for hours on end. Ringo was so fun to talk to, he was cute and much more cheeky than expected. He had the cutest little blush when George decided to move over to Ringo’s side and sit beside him in the booth. Letting his shoulder graze next to each other.

The topic of how they ended up in Hamburg came up, and George talked about meeting John and Paul, and about how they let him join the band. The band that feels like his family, like he was always meant to be apart of them. He told Ringo stories and pranks they all pulled on each other, and about how he practically had to knock sense into them both about their feelings for each other.

“They were fighting like mad all the time. Mostly John, pushing Paul away n’stuff.”

Ringo listened attentively, “You could tell? That they were… pushing each other?”

“Definitely, those two were inseparable, and the way John looked at Paul and the way Paul looked at John- you knew. I knew for sure. John had hurt Paul real bad one day, said he didn’t need him around anymore. Paul was devastated. I had to talk with John and get it sorted out.”

“How’d that go?”

“Basically told him to get his shit together and tell Paul how he felt. Honestly, I’m surprised the bastard listened.” George laughed letting his little pointed teeth stick out a tad.

“So… how long have you known… you um.. fancied...” Ringo paused, trying to find the right words for the question, but George had a feeling he knew.

“A couple years now… I had a couple girlfriends back in Liverpool, but it never really took. I knew I fancied boys, but I didn’t know for sure if I fancied girls too or not. Nowadays, I know I’m gay, but I’ve-” George paused feeling embarrassment flush on his face. He almost wanted to end the conversation there, hoping Ringo wouldn't push him further, but the look in those blue eyes. The soft, sweet way Ringo listened and gazed back at George. Like he was savoring everything, every look and word George gave him.

George wasn’t afraid, no, not around Ringo.

“I-um… I haven’t had a boyfriend before.”

George felt his hand shake at his sides, feeling unsure… clearly Ringo had been around more often, he was older after all, and knew about gay bars, probably had a boyfriend once or twice too. George didn’t know this stuff, he’d only ever kissed a boy once and neither spoke about it after the fact. Would Ringo want some inexperienced lad who-

George felt a sudden warmth interlock with his shaking fingertips. He moved his gaze back to Ringo. He was holding onto his hands, rubbing his thumb over each knuckle. Smoothing the tremor that left the joint until they were steady and calm.

I might faint.

“Hey, neither have I okay? I’m still new to this too, but I know I like you George. A lot.”

George blinked wildly. Ringo was new to this?

Ringo could see George’s confusion considering their current place of establishment and chuckled. “I’ve known I am for awhile, me mum even had an idea about it when I was younger, she could just tell I never fancied girls, but finding fellas ain’t easy and not exactly safe. So no, I haven’t either. Did find this place with me mate Johnny though, but he’s just a best mate, doesn’t really swing that way.”

Somehow knowing dates and boyfriends were a bit of new territory for Ringo brought George lots of comfort. He could feel his shoulders slack under his jacket. He wanted to loosen up, really just enjoy the date. Show Ringo a good time.

Hurriedly, George stood up from the booth pulling Ringo up with him. The radio had several patrons out of their seats and swinging to a solid tune. A jazzy one, clearly hitting the backbeat like a rock n’ roller. George gave Ritchie a cocky grin and twisted his arm around giving Ringo a spin. George did little kicks and fancy moves with his feet, while Ringo showed off his funny little moves on the dance floor as well. Being honest, Ringo’s dances were outright ridiculous, but- in an endearing kind of way. He was silly and smiling so wide. Really enjoying himself when he danced with George and purposely tried to make him laugh with funky jumps and head shakes. George loved how funny Ringo was, the way he could just go along with things and make it 10 times better? The way his smile peeked out when those teddy boy curls bounced on his forehead, George was ready to spend the rest of the night like this. Giggling like school boys.

As it got later, the dancing got a little too crowded for both the boys’ taste, and they decided to step out for the night. The walk was much longer going back, probably because the two weren’t quite ready for the date to be over just yet.

“You really do look handsome this evening George.” Ringo remarked as they walked the chilly street back to the cinema.

George grinned with his cheeky fangs and bumped Ringo with his arm. “How bout’ a kiss then? Paul worked real hard to get me all dressed up like this. Got to have a little credit where credits due.” George leaned into the lads shoulder, batting his eyelashes for dramatic effect.

Ringo applauded the flirtation, clearly George was getting more comfortable. Very coy.

“Sorry, I don’t kiss vamps on the first date.”He quipped, poking the side of George’s cheek playfully.

Had this not been their first date George would have half a mind to marry Ringo on the spot. The way they bounced off each other so easily was unbelievable. The only fault was that the date was ending so soon. The streets here are just so complicated and… adult. Nothing simple, like burger joints or parks. George hated the idea of only being able to go out in the afternoons. Nightlife here was just so loud and indecent. “Gosh, maybe one of these days we can catch a bus out of here, go somewhere a little more normal.” George said gazing out ahead at countless street lights that dawned every corner.

Ringo’s eyes widened. “You want to go out again then?”

George felt his throat shrink. Oh fuck- You idiot. He was already daydreaming about the next date without even knowing if there was going to BE ONE.

“If- you wanted. I thought- I mean. This one seemed to be going really well, but if your not interested I completely-” stop rambling please oh god please stop.

“George!” George thanked Ringo internally for stopping him before he dug his grave even further.

“I’d love to go on another date with you.’

George thought he was going to say something, but his brain decided to go out of commission in that moment. Ringo didn’t seem to mind, the look on George’s face told him everything he needed to know. This was special. This thing between them, very special.

It was quiet on the streets surprisingly. Not a prostitute or drunk in sight near the back of the cinema. It was nearly 9:30, which was hopefully “respectable” for John, but George wasn’t ready for it to be over, not just yet.

George stopped before the steps to the door and turned to Ringo. His nerves that had been present throughout the evening had vanished, something about how he was feeling, the look in Ringo’s eyes. He felt like he was staring into the ocean. So welcoming, and vibrant. How could he stand here and not be utterly at peace?

Ringo soon moved surprisingly close him. George wasn’t sure what it meant at first, but to be fair, there were lots of things that George didn’t know.

He didn’t know his lovestruck crush would stand before him tonight and gingerly touch his cheek, or that he’d get so close they’d share a cold breath in a Hamburg alleyway. George would never have thought months ago, when he first met the boy, that he too would lean into the embrace. That George would get to wrap his arms around Ringo’s waist, slipping past his jacket and rest his palms on the small of the drummer’s back. He didn’t know that they’d glace down to those soft lips. Unconsciously waiting… for what? He wasn’t quite sure. Yes, he was.

Ringo’s hand gilded behind his neck. Stroking his thumb gently under George’s jaw. George felt a shiver go up his spine. Feeling his heart pounding like crazy. He wanted this. He really did. All night he dreamt of the event that occurred that night, about the feeling of kissing Ringo, the way his lips felt on his. He was so close to that again, only this time, he wanted Ringo to kiss him.

The drummer hesitated. They had kissed before, but the fervor in the air that filled the non existent space between them was thick. Both of the boys breaths were seen in the cold air as they exchanged them. Ringo lids fluttered, and George let his own shut. Darkness allowing every touch and caress to feel all the more real. Abruptly, a hand tugged the collar of his leather jacket slightly, and he was pulled into those lips again. Both bodies immediately reacting as the two shared an earnest kiss. Ringo taking control with impelling affection.

It was delightful but chaste, far too short for the guitarist’s liking. When they separated a moment, George barely gave Ringo time to catch his breath before pressing forward and allowing his tongue to slide past his lips. His fleeting impulse crashed into Ringo, and his hands clenched at the fabric of his striped shirt. Ringo responded with matched eagerness and the two were soon both kissing with more passion than they’d ever felt before. George even let a soft moan slide past his lips as he felt Ringo tangle his fingers further into his hair.

Neither wanted to stop, but George’s head was already getting dizzy and Ringo’s footing was starting to give way on the edge of the steps. They both reluctantly separated, and caught their breaths still not bearing any space between them, chests heaving with cold air against one another. George just wanted to stay here with Ringo in his arms, barely able to stand and looking just as dazed as George probably does.

“Gee Ringo…” George’s lip twitch upward. “I thought you didn’t kiss vamps on the first date.”

Chapter 3 here!

#the beatles #beatles fanfiction #George Harrison #Ringo Starr #starrison #starrison fic #McLennon #beatles fic #paul mccartney #John Lennon #hamburg #blisters on his fingers #rory storm and the hurricanes

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