They should make out.

And by make out I mean clank their faces together

two words: shirtless kalpas. need I say more? thank you I’ll see myself out -babygirl kalpas anon

NO BABYGIRL KALPAS ANON COME BACK 😭😭😭 THIS IS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

L I S T E N HIS SECOND STAGE IN HIS FIGHT WHERE HE JUST DECIDES "I DONT NEED THIS" AND GETS RID OF HIS SHIRT IS LIKE 70% OF THE REASON I GO THROUGH HIS DOOR EVEN WHEN I SHOULDN'T 😭😭😭😭😭

SO IVE BEEN GOIN INSANE SINCE THIS TRAILER DROPPED. JUST. SIMON. SIMON. SIMON.

honestly no wonder harrow forced ianthe to lobotomize her so she could save gideon. listen…LISTEN…if i was a secret-war-crime cult nunlet princess worshipped by my entire planet and the only person that (barely) kept me in check was my childhood nemesis—a butch a year older than me, towering over me in stature and physical prowess, and so hot it made my teeth hurt from how hard my jaw clenched in her presence, who wielded a two-handed seven-foot sword and had irritatingly huge biceps and told very lewd stupid jokes and also learned how to wield an entirely new weapon and be my bodyguard with startling accuracy in three months—only to have us finally learn to trust each other because we got invited to a magic murder mystery and then before the bubble burst i spilled the worst secret about myself that i was born because my parents murdered an entire generation and tried to Kill Her along with them and she just wouldnt die, and i told her this expecting a swift death i believed i deserved, only for her to fucking cradle me in her big butch arms and kiss me on my forehead with her soft butch mouth and just. forgive me for a shameful weight ive carried my entire life and then MAKE AN ACTUAL NECRO/CAV VOW with me despite every evil thing i have done to her……to have her tell me, in the end, bleeding and broken after putting up the most beautiful and glorious fight of her life, that she understands purpose and she understands duty and she knows loyalty more fiercely than ever now, that she knows who she is to me, that there is no her without me….to have her backed into a corner and make the ultimate sacrifice…..for me…..to recite scriptural wedding vows of eternity to me in her last wisps of soul-consciousness…..if i thought there was even a snowflake’s chance in the pyre that i could save her by turning myself into her very own locked tomb, i’d be begging ianthe tridentweirdius to crack my skull open and turn me to mush too, goddamn. i understand you harrowhark girl you don’t have to explain a thing to me. god said you couldn’t undo the lyctor’s bond bc it’d kill you. you told god and his angels that not even a lyctor’s bond could outshine the power of female spite and lesbianism and they didn’t listen. they didn’t believe you. but i heard you loud and clear and i was 17 and hormonal and hopelessly romantic not too long ago unlike those fucking dinosaurs and i’m saying it’s valid it’s what i would have done and really everyone should be thanking you for not being worse and more wretched about it, all things considered

i'm sorry but i cannot stop thinking about it for reallll imagine you're richer than god and never had to face consequences for anything and you have so much money you don't even know what to do with it so you toss a quarter million at the stupidest tourism option on earth. and you see that the paper you have to sign tells you you could die and you look at the flimsy metal tube you're going to be plummeting into the ocean in and it doesn't even phase you because bad things don't happen to people like you. imagine some hours into the journey you realise something is wrong. maybe not you but somehow the knowledge that there was a fuckup becomes known to the 5 of you trapped in there. and you know you can't get out from the inside and you know you have no food and no bathroom and not even the room to ever stand up again. when does the realisation that your wealth cannot protect you from your inevitable mortality set in. how does someone like that reconcile with both death and the fact that it's 100% their own doing? can someone like this even come to terms with that or will they be fighting to find someone to blame until the last second? when does it reach you that all 5 of you are going to die one by one and there's nothing you can do? does the fact that 5 of you have enough air until thursday but one of you could have enough air until at least next week ever cross anyone's mind.

i just wanna cut everyone off and rot away in my bed

"she posted WHAT to her private story?"

having bpd is actual hell on earth cause no one tries to fucking understand you and they write you off as being difficult and too much and they leave and we’re left with this fucking personality disorder that consumes my entire fucking existence and they act like its THEIR inconvenience that IM ill.

when does a man become a monsterrrr

secret keeper

Transcript:

Machine... Can I try... R-rizzing you up?

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEEAASSE

*inhale*

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ᴾᴸᴱᴬˢᴱ ᴾᴸᴱᴬˢᴱ PLEAEAEAEAEASE

End transcription

Audio Source

This was requested by @blazeball THANK YOU 🫡

Also this bit at the end is foreshadowing for tomorrows post ;)

Transcript:

*gasp* HE'S PULLING HIS COCK OUT.

I've seen a good amount of 'If Soap were a dog, he'd be a golden retriever' or 'Soap has golden retriever boyfriend energy' on this hellsite. And as much as I can respect it, I'm going to have to politely disagree.

Because as vocal and stubborn as that sonofabitch is, that man exudes nothing but Scottish deranged husky energy and I will die on this hill defending it.

Soap gif credit @deadunderorbit

ohh go ahead and just rub it in my face why don't ya 😒😒 (your cock. please. please rub it in my face. ple

THE HOLIDAY (2006) + first descriptions of the characters

screw you (turns ur italians into neopets)

I just feel like I’m going completely insane