#if u wanna call him that fine whatever i guess its not hurting anyone but i just think it's doing a disservice to the actaul complexities | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

infectedpaul · 3 years

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You Matter To Me (Squip/Reader)

You've had your Squip for a bit now and it's been fine for the most part, until he brings up the idea of looking into romantic relationships with others which opens up a lot of wounds you wanted to just bury deep and forget about. But you can't begin the road to recovery without asking why you got there, right?

SO IVE NEVER....WRITTEN AN X READER B4 UGH HJKSAJDASKDJSA esp not for a near dead fandom OH WELL oh well oh well h ignore this my normal followers please please

(warning 4 talks of depression/self degrading talk, its hurt comfort yada yada i need 2 touch grass ik)

ao3 link if u prefer that!!

You weren't made for love, at least, you didn't think so.

For as long as you'd been looking for it, it was always so out of reach. Easily visible, sure. Walking past groups of friends laughing it up on the sidewalks, partners entangled in each other's arms, seemingly trying to make their love known for all. But for you to have any of that for yourself? The heat death of the universe would sooner come, surely.

You'd sort of given up on it. It would be nice, you'd think. To be held, wrapped up in someone's arms, and just to stay there for as long as either of you could want. That cozy, warm feeling of being with someone that you only saw in movies or read about in books. But you had just accepted it wasn't in the cards, so to speak. And you were fine with that.

Well, you told yourself anyway. You knew it was for a deeper reason, though, but that wasn't something you liked to think about too heavily.

It was easier to do that when you didn't have a roommate that could dig into your brain and pry every little detail about them out of you.

When you got your Squip, you didn't know it'd be so adamant about perfecting every little last thing you were. How long or short your hair was styled, if your shoes matched your eyes, how fast or slow you were walking and how too brisk would make you seem like you were constipated but too slow and your likelihood of getting run over by a horse-drawn carriage gone would go up much higher, nevermind that you've never even seen a horse in real life.

What you did know, by now at least was that the Squip was persistent, seeing himself as your guardian angel, a guiding light in your desolate dark world of humanity, ickiness and week old pizza boxes you were too unmotivated to at least move off the bed.

So when his ideal response wasn't given when he proposed seeking out a lovelife, he was...well,

"I'm not sure I understand." His head crooked to the side, puzzled by your surface level indifference, "You're of consenting age, marginally attractive and only slightly under average at socializing. Finding a mate can't be too hard."

His holographic form hummed a soft, near silent buzz, a small imperfection to his otherwise flawless binary makeup. Other than that, and the soft, tinted blue glow around his form, he looked completely human. A little too human, really. Something so real, realer than any CG or video game, but something was just...off, something from the uncanny valley. You hadn't kept him in this form long, you liked to change it up from time to time, maybe to trick yourself into thinking he was someone new, making your brain think you had more friends besides the computer you bought behind a Rack Room.

You didn't look at him though when you responded, too preoccupied with the paper in front of you, decorated with a few characters concocted from your imagination. "I dunno," you shrug, brushing off eraser marks, "Just not my thing, I guess." You could feel his confusion, a bit of gut feeling as his thoughts jumbled in with your own. He was really only in your brain, afterall; the figure behind you sitting on your bed was just something he made up to ease your brain into trusting a new, larger source of perpetually growing information. "But, the purpose of this time in your life is to mate and birth young, is it not?"

You really wished he'd learn to stop talking about you and 'the homo sapien species' like you were a mindless ape made to breed and nothing else.

"Uh, I mean not really. I know that's what everyone around me is doing," Your mind thought back to all the cringey baby announcement videos from kids you knew in high school, "But it's...I guess I'm just not up for it. It's not really for people like me."

He was quiet. Only for a second, before he asked,

"People like you?" Another silence hung in the air. It was a truth you knew he could easily just reach into your brain and find for himself so you kept quiet for a bit longer, waiting for him to start digging. But you didn't feel it, that very familiar sudden ache in the back of your head you got when he went poking around for more things to nag at you about. Just quiet in your room, only the soft buzz and birds tweeting outside your window any solace from the uncomfortable silence you felt.

You shrugged again, and turned to face him, seeing now the muddled and a little concerned look on his face. "You know? The quiet ones, the losers. People like me don't get to be loved. I've just accepted that." You could have said a lot worse, and it seemed like he knew that. You didn't really understand, either. You didn't like yourself, plain and simple.

His concern only seemed to grow, eyebrows furrowing and staring intently at you. You thought for a second, maybe it was anger. It wouldn't be the first time. You were mostly compliant to his (mandatory) suggestions for life improvement, but every once in a while he would propose an idea that you would fight about, like clothes you weren't comfortable wearing for one reason or another. He said he was a learning computer, so he would need your help on things like emotions and comfiness, physical or mental, ruling out whatever the newest trends were. He would be fine afterwards but, he could get pretty huffy about you trying on too skinny-skinny jeans.

But that didn't happen, there wasn't a small but fierce jolt of electricity in your back to stop you from going against 'social programming', as he called it. He just looked at you a bit longer, seemingly turning gears in his head as he tried to process what you're saying.

You gave him a sober smile, trying to still seem indifferent, though for a second you wondered maybe if he was still prying at you, in a different way at least, because if he was, it seemed to be working.

"What? I'm just not that special. You of all people know that, right?" It was almost like you weren't hearing what was coming out of your mouth, that casual self-degradation that almost frightened him. You heard stories from message boards about that, older models of the Squip forcing reprogramming onto the host by breaking down their emotional state with verbal or physical punishment for...just existing, really.

He wasn't really like that though. Yes he could be annoyed when you didn't comply, but you were both good at compromise and treated situations like adults, even if at first you weren't much motivated to treat any situation at all. He informed you while you were looking through those boards that his creators had taken in accounts of previous incidents and built more of a guide to self-improvement than a ball and chain with a backhand. Humans were fragile, he knew that, and it wasn't okay to hurt them just to get a little closer to their goal.

But maybe, did he not think that humans were more than capable of hurting themselves? Their own words used against them, their internal voices bashing against their brains, turning them to mush and making them too scared or unmotivated to build it back up again.

"I just know no one would love some useless, pitiful person...I just kinda got over that a while ago." You almost frightened him with how nonchalant you were about the whole thing. It wasn't intentional, you weren't trying to seek attention or be funny. You just knew there was plenty of other people out there worthy of all that lovey-dovey stuff you thought would be nice but...it's just not meant for you.

There was a knot in his voice as he finally spoke up,

"That's why I'm here, isn't it?" The last piece of the puzzle had finally clicked into place, but he didn't look satisfied, not that cheeky, self-centered chagrin when things went his way or when he was proven right yet again.

You thought he knew that. You thought from day one he just figured that out and that's why he's been trying so hard to make you into a model citizen or something. "Did you just think you were here to help me pick out clothes in the morning?" You laughed, he seemed to know it was forced.

"Well...y-yes, maybe. I just...I never looked into that possibility of…" He was regaining his composure; this was a side you've never seen of him before. He's always been so astute, robotic and to the point. He's never fumbled over his words or had to give himself a second to figure out what to say next.

"How long has it been like this, Y/N?" His hands were folded neatly on his lap, still looking you dead-on, waiting for you to answer his distressed queuerie with worried patience.

You got up out of your chair, pushing it back and behind you to step away from the table and your drawings. "I dunno," you said, taking a few steps towards the long mirror hung on your wall, "for as long as I can remember, I guess." You looked at your reflection, only tired, dark eyes looking back at you. Even though the edge of the bed was visible in the mirror, your Squip didn't show up in it, another reminder of just how alone you were outside of your head.

"I just started to feel like I didn't belong more and more and...that ate me up so much I just started believing in it. I-I didn't wanna go to school or talk to people or even get up 'cause...well," You turned away from the mirror before you could see the tears you'd been holding back, looking at the more distressed figure in view of you again, "what would anyone be missing, really?" You still smiled, that big smile you both worked so meticulously on making seem not too forced when you had to act excited or just blend into normal social gatherings, but it wavered so easily, like a thin strip of paper about to tear off the nail that barely held it up on the wall.

His eyes widened at the sight of your tears, immediately getting up and briskly walking to stand in front of you, not knowing how to proceed in the moment. He hadn't had to deal with something like this yet and he was troubleshooting to see what was the correct response to a human breakdown.

You looked down, covering your eyes with one hand and clenching the other into a fist, big, strained smile still plastered on your face and trying so hard not to seem more weak than you knew you were. You were nothing. You knew that, you thought he did too. You thought you could just fix things, but how could you do that without getting to the source? You knew you couldn't just sidestep around why you wanted things to get better with humans, but with a computer who could read your brain like the newspaper, you thought maybe you could get around that.

You heard him sigh before a feeling of arms wrapping around you caught you off guard, the Squip entangling you in his grasp and his head resting on yours. It was all simulated, you knew. He had done things such as lightly punch your arm as if to say 'Good job, Sport!' or tap your shoulder to grab your attention without startling you, but this was different. He held onto you for a good couple of seconds, a wave of warmth spreading through your body in an instant. He pet back your hair with one hand, rubbing your back with the other and finally broke the silence in the room.

"Y/N, it- ...it pains me, hearing you speak that way about yourself. You're…" He looked down at you, holding you a bit closer and tightening his grip just a tad. "You're an incredible, talented, wonderful person. You've come so far and you've taught me so much about humans and myself and I just couldn't ask for a better-" He stopped. You knew what he was going to say, a better host, a better human, a better assignment to help and guide and-

"A better friend."

A friend?

He never referred to you or anyone with such a personal or affectionate term. It almost didn't seem real, like you maybe misheard him. Your smile had shattered into a small frown and, with teary-eyes and your voice already cracking, you looked up at him, meeting his almost-heartbroken eyes in an expression that looked so foreign on his normally composed face.

"What?"

He gave a weak smile, trying to be comforting but his fear showing plain as day. You could feel it within you too, a pit in your stomach forming as your chest tightened. You knew it wasn't your anxiety, but his.

"Do I need to repeat myself, Y/N? I think of you as a friend and..." His hand moved off of your back and ran itself up to rest on your shoulder, the other holding your cheek and wiping away your tears with his thumb. "I want to do all I can to show you that from here on."

You almost couldn't breathe as you looked at him, feeling for the first time that unconditional love you yearned for. You could feel your heart race in your chest, something you knew he could feel too but you were too crushed to say anything. You simply slammed yourself into his chest, grabbing fistfulls of his shirt that made your hands tingle like they fell asleep. His arms enveloped you yet again, the both of you holding onto each other so tight like either of you would fall through the floor if you let go.

You sobbed and sobbed and sobbed for what felt like hours, and, just maybe, you thought you could hear him crying too, but that'd be silly...right?

When you were finally out of tears to cry, you stood there still, simply bathing in each other's presence, the feeling you only saw in others finally yours. And you knew it was only a matter of time before this too was stolen from you, the universe would take back anything from people unworthy but...for right now, you wanted to be a little selfish.

"I'm sorry." You whispered, face still buried in his shirt.

"For?" His head was rested on yours again, holding up your weak and tired form with no effort, just trying to keep you propped up until you were ready to let go.

"I got you to help me but...I can't even let you in like I'm supposed to. But...I want to. I just want help." You pushed yourself off of him, one thought between you and him and his hands meeting yours, the simulated tingle in there again as you held each other's palms in yours and looked at each other with such exhausted eyes and worn-out but so genuine smiles.

He leaned down and planted a kiss on your forehead, a soft hue of pink blush spreading on your drained and exhausted face.

"I'd love to help, friend."

#dex says things #THE FUCK AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE FLDSJFKLDSFDS #THE WORST PART IS IM PROUD OF THIS UGH #be more chill #the squip #squip x reader #my writing #ITS 530 AM UGH

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tenacityreturns · 3 years

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aokaga drabble: post-nba

plot: kagami cuts off all his friends after forced retirement from the nba, and goes to live in japan again so that he can rebuild himself from the ground up. aomine’s girlfriend, sabs (whom we love), breaks up with him and aomine follows kagami to try and reconnect after a quiet few months. he’s worried as hell, he loves kagami, who he knows without hearing from him that he is miserable. it’s angst. word count: 5860 notes: sfw, future verse, aomine’s pov. it’s specific to my future verse hcs but hopefully it makes sense even if u dont know them lol. nijimura and kagami are ( thank you so much for reminding me about this. present tense. they ARE ) besties, i think that comes up.

god, it's just too weird coming back here. everything is the same. same cream wallpaper, same dirty mirror in the lift. same buttons, circled with red once pressed. same shitty elevator music. it hums melodically, creating the pretence of relaxation, but daiki is anything but. he stares at himself in the mirror. not much taller than the last time he'd been inside, on his way to see an exuberant redhead in that same, ridiculous penthouse apartment he'd had by himself. would it seem small now that he'd seen the world? now that he had money of his own, lived in a big apartment himself? there are lines in his brow as he inspects it. he doesn't try to fix it. allows himself these nerves because they remind him that he cares. if he didn't, he wouldn't have come back to stay with his parents. wouldn't have followed taiga across the world despite the months of radio silence. missed calls ( ignored calls ). unanswered texts. daiki had tried everything. called taiga’s dad, asked if he'd heard anything recently from him. he never had. never gave daiki anything, anyway. all 'oh, I'm sure he's fine, he's probably just sulking about his injuries.' yeah, that's what daiki is worried about. asao had always got on his nerves. how is he so blind? why can't he see that taiga's devastated to be retiring? he still had as much fight in him as he'd had when they were teenagers. so much fight, and grit, and impossible potential.

the elevator dings. he doesn't move for a moment. ghosts surround him. that time taiga dragged him way too roughly into his apartment, only to kiss him like he's made of glass. the times they'd held hands in the full elevator and no one had minded. the time someone had, and taiga nearly beat him up for it. like, really nearly. all the occasions taiga found to cook meals for him. all the excuses. how the hell could taiga stand to come back here and relive all those memories?

the doors shut. daiki grunts and pushes the button to open them again. he has to buck up. he has to gather himself, all the courage in the world, and tell taiga everything. he was waiting inside, anyway. he'd buzzed him up. yeah, alright. he'd said at the door. yeah, alright. he sounds different now. colder. the knot in his stomach is eating him alive. tearing organs apart. his knees are weak, barely carrying him into the hallway.

how will he phrase it? Daiki makes his way to taiga's door. it's the same colour. same paint, it's peeling a little. he feels sick. so sick. it's fight or flight, isn't it? the nerves. well, he'd already flown away. already allowed taiga to think he didn't care. maybe he hadn't. maybe love had drifted between them, fluttering around like a butterfly in spring. sabina had been a flower daiki visited, she was everything he thought he'd wanted in a partner. funny, clever, interested in him. not like in love him, which she had been, but she'd asked how his day was. sabs was great, but she wasn't taiga. they fought a lot, but not in the same way he'd fought with taiga. and taiga had dated people too, like that hot business guy. older, smart, in love. daiki recognised the way he'd looked at taiga during that terrible doubt date they'd gone on. softly, in awe, like there had been no one else in the room. and taiga had been looking at daiki. saying something with a smirk, trying to get a rise out of him. daiki could have kissed him then.

but he's broken up with sabs when taiga retired. all daiki had done was call him, text him, trying to find out if he was okay. of course he wasn't, but daiki wanted to be there for him. sabs grew tired of it. he doesn't blame her for it. he doesn't blame himself for being in love with taiga, either. it's the natural way of things. and it has been the natural way of things to go back to Japan as soon as he could get a break away from work. he stayed with his parents, kept his head down. reconnected with other old friends from high school, tried to pretend it was just a social call. Tried to pretend he hadn't come all the over here on the off chance taiga might be around to see him, wherever he'd been. what a bittersweet moment when taiga first texted back a few months ago. all casualness, he’d said don’t worry about me, i’m fine. talk soon x and that had been it. he’d replied in english, daiki had texted in english. daiki called him about a week ago and taiga had answered. hearing his voice had been jarring. he’d been waiting so long, so patiently. always hoping taiga would call him for a change.

“i’m in tokyo visiting family,” daiki had said hastily, shocked that he’d actually get a reply this time. he waited. nothing. fine. he kept talking. “i get it if you don’t wanna talk to me, or whatever, but---

“no, i wanna see you. come over. i’m back in my old apartment, you remember where that is? come by next saturday.” and they agreed on a time like it was the most normal thing in the world.

daiki sees his hand raise to knock on the door, and he wonders how many times in his life he’d done this. his knuckles had met the door hundreds of times before, when they’d been younger. less experienced. happier. god, daiki’s scared. it’s too weird coming back here.

the door opens. it’s taiga. he looks tired. he’s put on weight, his bare arms are still tree trunks but they’re not showing muscle definition anymore. he makes grey sweats and a black t-shirt look classic for a reason. daiki stares at him, taking it all in, suddenly tongue-tied. he doesn’t have the right words, they don’t exist. there’s nothing to say. he shouldn’t have come.

“makes you feel old, don’t it?” taiga says, rubbing his neck.

"what?”

“being back here. i feel like i should ask you if you wanna play one-on-one then go to maji’s.” the joke hurts. red eyes hold such sadness in them. it looks like it hurts to look at daiki, too. he shouldn’t have come.

“taiga---”

“i can’t, i dunno if you heard. i can’t play again. i’m still recovering. i had to choose between being able to walk when i’m sixty, or playing basketball another year. i was so close to picking basketball.”

daiki trudges inside. he fights the instinct to sweep taiga into an all-encompassing hug. it’s awful being in this room again. the furniture is different, thank god, but the essentials are in the same place. the kitchen is the same. there’s the spot daiki would always perch when taiga was cooking something for him. the sofa is in a different position. how clearly he can see the old layout now that he stands amongst its replacements. daiki doesn’t know what to say to taiga’s crushing statement. could he speak if he wanted to? there’s a lump in his throat. he takes his shoes off. those are taiga’s jordans. it’s good he still wears basketball shoes. it’s wrong when he doesn’t. they’re like an extension of him, like the colour of his hair. scarlet in the sunlight.

“isn’t that what you wanted to hear?” taiga’s voice is so dark, he hasn’t shut the door yet. when daiki looks over, the hand on the door is tense, as if trying to make a fist through the wood. it takes daiki by surprise to see this rage. “isn’t that what anyone wants to know, whether i care if i played again?”

“i---” he blinks. “i don’t care about basketball.”

wrong answer. the door slams. daiki flinches. taiga stalks into the kitchen.

“i mean, of course i care, it’s just-- you scared the shit outta me. i figured you didn’t wanna see me of all people, then i heard you cut everyone off, all your old teammates. gave everyone the cold shoulder. we just wanna help you, man, you’re not alone in this.”

“i’m over it.”

“i wouldn’t be, if i was you.”

“you have no idea how i feel, daiki,” taiga pulls two beers from the fridge. daiki had half expected banana milk. the thought makes him feel worse.

“nobody does, you won’t talk to anyone.” it’s a leap, maybe he had been, but had avoided daiki’s questions when he’d asked them. did nijimura know how he felt? did satsuki, and they just hadn’t told him?

“i don’t want to,” he takes the drinks to the couch, and daiki follows. daiki sits in a chair where his beanbag had once been. taiga continues, “i don’t wanna even think about basketball. that’s why i never messaged you back. i knew it would all come out once i saw you.”

daiki doesn’t open his beer. he stares at it guiltily, but he can’t bear opening it. can’t bear disturbing the quiet falling between them.

“i would’ve left you alone if you hurt yourself,” taiga goes on, in too smooth of a tone to have been anything but the truth. “i would’ve known you wouldn’t want to see me because it’d remind you of the old times.”

silence. he really shouldn’t have come.

“i’ve always had basketball,” taiga says quietly, sipping on his beer. “all my friends were into it too. back when i had this place first, i figured everyone was only interested because i was good. especially you guys.” he clicks his tongue. “you, generation of miracles. i didn’t blame you, either. i got it. tetsu, ryouta, tatsuya. i’d think about whether you’d lose interest if i got hurt and couldn’t play anymore. i didn’t wanna face it.”

“is that--- is that what you think about me now?”

no reply. he drinks more beer. daiki shifts to the edge of his seat.

“taiga. answer me.”

“i considered it. at first, definitely. then you kept calling, i guessed it was your conscience or something. don’t feel bad about it, or whatever--”

“don’t feel bad? why would you think that? i--” he has to take a breath. it’s taiga’s mistake. it’s something in his past that caused him to think that the limits of his worth are tied with his ability to play ball. that’s awful. but it’s not something to argue over. it won’t help. “look, you’re wrong. alright? don’t ever think that about me again.”

taiga shrugs. “you wanted to know how i felt.”

it’s a blow. it hurts. no doubt about it. when daiki had said i love you, had taiga always heard i love your basketball? that’s ridiculous. daiki had loved taiga’s way of playing, but that wasn’t just it?! there are corners of taiga’s mind that daiki doesn’t like, doesn’t get along with. but despite that, he loves that, too. loves taiga. loves, loves, loves him. he always has, he always will.

“you once said there’s nothing a winner can say to a loser. ain’t that how it is here? what could you say to me i haven’t heard from everyone else who can still play basketball?”

“if you couldn’t walk now, do you really think i wouldn’t wanna be there to help you with your wheelchair?” it slipped out, almost venomously. defensively. taiga blinks, quiet as the dead. daiki sighs, setting the drink down unopened. “you’re one of my best friends, taiga. you’re more than that. i think i made myself pretty clear when i called you and texted you. sorry if that was the wrong thing to do... but... if you stopped playing basketball after high school, i’d still have wanted you around, you know. even if you were some boring ass banker in another country, i still would’ve kept in touch.”

daiki doesn’t look at taiga now. he can’t. it’s too much honesty. there’s too much weight to his words. ( if he had looked over, he’d see the shaking hand raising beer to lips, hiding that they too quiver under the threat of tears. )

“sorry if i’m just saying stuff you’ve heard before. i’ll leave if i’m making it worse. i didn’t mean to.”

continued silence. what does he say next? what can he say? he doesn't want to leave. he should have come. daiki sighs, sinking back into his seat with his eyes anywhere but on taiga. this chair is hard. it's a sand-coloured linen armchair with deep mahogany accents. the kind of chair that really isn't meant to be sat in. sabs had one like this. it was a glorified bowl. totally uncomfortable, and even he was never able to sleep in it. this chair is similar. its voice is loud and harsh: i am an adult purchase. daiki misses the beanbag. the most comfortable thing he'd ever slept on. second most. he finally looks at taiga. the couch is different. it's also sand in colour, and cuboid, but the arm-rests are low and with the right cushion, their rounded corners would make for a good napping area.

the old sofa hadn't been comfortable. he'd convinced himself that it was, until taiga became the perfect cushion between sofa and daiki. it's a stupid thought, but is a toned body really that comfortable of a cushion? the soft lines of taiga's broad shoulders look just as enticing. but... the beanbag... daiki's bought beanbags for himself since then but they've never been the same. even the same brand (model discontinued) hadn't been the same. it wasn't just that it was oblong and firm enough that he doesn't touch the floor, while still retaining body-moulding softness. it was partly that. daiki had realised it the first time he settled into his new and immediately rejected beanbag years ago, when he and taiga had broken up for the second major time. it was that he'd been on taiga's floor, exhausted after an almost challenging one-on-one, waiting for his rival to make him his dinner. even before they'd started dating, daiki had felt a special sort of peace here. there's comfort in finding someone who you can be your authentic self with. daiki's basketball ability didn't scare taiga off.

"daiki?"

daiki had been staring at the window when taiga spoke. he immediately looked over, momentarily forgetting everything that was said minutes before. forgetting why he's here, what brought him, what chair he's sitting in. he's in the beanbag again. taiga's about to ask him to solve a history question, and daiki's half a second away from making up a completely fictitious answer so he doesn't have to bashfully admit that he doesn't know.

“can i ask you something?”

“shoot,”

“were you just thinking about your old beanbag?”

ah. busted. he blinks, dazed. taiga’s expression starts to change. his eyes search daiki’s from across the room and gradually, a smile forms. the sun comes out. literally. the shadow-stealing grey sky gave the city a brief interlude of hope in a few, impossibly long seconds of proper sunlight. the weather, daiki noticed, linked inextricably with a personal epiphany. it doesn’t matter whether he’s an easy read. at any given moment, daiki is thinking about his next meal or his next sleep. but that, in the depths of their conversation, taiga had pulled himself out of it enough to come to the correct conclusion on what daiki was thinking about. it wasn’t basketball, it wasn’t their history ( not entirely, at least ), and it wasn’t taiga’s injuries ( though maybe it should have been? ). it was his old beanbag. not taiga’s. not nijimura’s. his. and he’s smiling again, for the first time today. a wall has come down.

the future starts to fit into place. is that dramatic? it’s fate. it’s fate. does taiga see it too? does he knows that daiki could walk to the ends of the earth for him? daiki smiles too, now. he sinks deeper into his awful seat, shoulders almost meeting his ears.

“i hate this chair, taiga.”

“me too, but i hated the beanbag more.”

“you didn’t,” a critical insult! “why’d you keep it if you hated it so much?”

taiga sighs now, shifting in his seat so that his arm rested on the back of the couch, head against his hand. he stares with an unimpressed downwards turn to his mouth, and a double chin beneath his jaw. because you loved it, his eyes replied in words his mouth couldn’t betray, and i loved you. past tense, daiki can’t flatter himself into thinking that taiga is in any kind of place to be thinking about relationships. but they’d been in love before. daiki had been taiga’s first ( almost ) everything. it’s over in a split second, but he remembers thinking they’d be together forever.

“do you really think i could’ve been a banker?”

the question, offered casually under the guise of an innocent topic change, has weight to it. daiki knows this, but it doesn’t matter. his answer comes from the heart. their eyes meet.

“y’know,” daiki straightens up a little, “yeah, i do. i still think you could be a banker, dude. you’re one of the few people i’ve met who can really do anything you set your mind to.”

“i’m too stupid to be a banker.”

insecure words don’t suit taiga’s voice. they sound wrong. daiki doesn’t look away. “your tenacity outweighs your stupidity any day.”

taiga rolls his eyes and sips his beer. his smile fades. what’s he thinking about? daiki feels guilty realising he can’t read taiga as well as the other way around, but the last time they’d been in this room, it would have been a fair guess to suggest basketball was on his mind. it had almost always been on his mind. and now that his eyes no longer sparkle, basketball or lack thereof would also be a decent guess, but daiki didn’t think it was just that. does taiga think of the past? does he regret not paying attention in school and not giving himself any kind of backup career? daiki does. their parents do.

god, why can’t he think of anything to say? why is he so fucking silent all of a sudden? daiki’s usually quick as a whip, can spark a laugh or a fight at his whim. he usually knows just what to say when taiga’s not feeling great. or knows just what to do. all he can think of is a hug and what good has a hug ever done, really? he wants to wrap his arms around his old friend’s shoulders and tell him it’s all going to be alright. would taiga push him away? would he get mad?

“so,” taiga stands unexpectedly. is he about to tell him to get lost? “how are you doing?”

it takes him aback. uh, he’s been shit. he’s been worrying to death over taiga’s lack of communication, and fearing the worst with every phone call ignored. daiki exhales, watching taiga walk over to the sliding doors to the tiny balcony. it’s early evening and the city is starting to twinkle. does taiga admire its familiar beauty, or does he stare out with an empty gaze? for the love of all things good, daiki, for fuck’s sake! just say something!

“fine,” excellent.

“good. how’s sabs?”

“sabs?”

“yeah. i heard things were getting serious with you two.” his voice is impossible to hear, but he’s not mocking him. taiga’s ignorance at the situation is baffling, but he isn’t being spiteful.

“uh. we-- we broke up, man, ages ago. like, a few months.”

“huh.”

silence returned. daiki hates this. he understands not googling each other, but hadn’t anyone told taiga about sabs and him? had taiga really not asked? he’d been avoiding every other basketball guy he knows, why would daiki be any different? was it possible that taiga doesn’t care anymore? no, cool it. no talking about relationships right now, it’s not the time. fuck knows what conversation this moment does call for, but it’s not that. leave it. chill. have some beer.

daiki follows his own advice and finally opens his beer. it’s gross. he’s more of a wine guy, while taiga has always liked his beers. unsurprisingly, the drink does little to distract him.

“how are your parents?”

so is this what it was going to be? small talk? daiki would prefer going back to aggressively telling taiga how fucking amazing he is, just to fight the voice that had said i’m too stupid to be a banker.

“dad’s retiring soon,” daiki replies in a sigh, “there’ll be a party. you should come.”

taiga chuckles dryly.

you don’t have to, jesus. daiki doesn’t say it, and fights the irritation as best as he can. he’s using the same patience that taiga had used with him in the past when the world had felt like it was collapsing. “mom asks about you all the time.”

a grunt this time; it’s kind of like the surprised huh from earlier, mixed with a noise of amused rejection.

“how’s your dad?”

“he doesn’t get it at all. i tried telling him imagine you lost both your hands and couldn’t work anymore, but it’s not the same. he doesn’t love his work.”

daiki’s moving before he can help it. he comes to stand beside taiga to watch the city. he can’t see beyond the reflection of taiga’s sorrowful face in the glass. he’d been right, earlier. those gorgeous eyes were empty. if he was looking at the view, his eyes were dead on the horizon.

taiga continues without interruption. “he only works as an escape from everything he fucked up in his life. me, for instance.”

“taiga,” daiki’s heart aches.

“i should’a listened when i was a kid. that’s it. i should’a paced myself.”

“would you have joined seirin’s team if you paced yourself?”

silence.

“your intensity is a part of you, taiga,” daiki says gently. taiga’s distant eyes hone in on the reflection, too, and now they’re looking at each other in the glass. daiki is first to look away like a coward. “i think if you had paced yourself, you’d have come to one of seirin’s games. you would’a found out about the generation of miracles and thought i wanna take those asshole down a notch.”

“you told me my light’s too dim when we first met, though.” taiga turns his head so that he’s facing the city again. “even if i joined the team, we still lost before we got to finally beat you.”

“it was tetsu who lifted you up to my level,” daiki’s reply is barely a whisper. he’s falling into his own memories and his eyes drop to the windowpane. it had always been him. they both dwelled on it, he didn’t have to be a mind-reader for that. he misses kuroko like hell.

“you ever wish you hated basketball?” taiga’s voice cracks. he takes a sip of beer and daiki copies him.

“yeah,” before he’d met taiga, he’d been plagued with the idea of never meeting anyone up to his standards. anyone better. kise came close, but daiki had lost to seirin. that felt like lifetimes ago now.

“this fucking sucks,” he’d finished his beer now. daiki glances over in time to see taiga blindly toss his beer bottle over his shoulder. he looks back to see where it landed. it hadn’t shattered, but flown safely onto the sofa where taiga had been sitting. taiga doesn’t move. he doesn’t react at all.

daiki feels it keenly too, can’t taiga see? he’s not alone. sure, daiki can’t fully understand how it feels to be forced into retirement due to injury, but he’s on his way there. his body is tired and it is always sore. one of these days, he’ll land funny and never properly recover. and then daiki will isolate from the world until he can figure himself out. it will be like carving the basketball out of himself. having played for his whole life, what will be left? he comes to stare at taiga so gradually that he hadn’t noticed when it happened. he sees a strong man with a huge heart and the rest of his life ahead of him. he is awesome at cooking, maybe he’ll do something with that? he has enough money that, if he’s sensible with it ( which he always has been ), he’s financially secure. hell, taiga’s always been financially secure.

he sees a man waging a war in his mind. he sees broken pieces desperately held together. daiki sees himself.

“i’ll leave if you want me to, tai. i don’t wanna make it worse.”

taiga shakes his head. he looked, for a second, like he’d say something. his mouth opened, but he changed his mind last minute and closes it again. daiki can’t stand to see him this way. if they never talk about basketball again for the rest of their lives, he’ll find something else to say. they can’t just stop talking because they can’t play against each other anymore. unless that’s really what taiga wants, which daiki doubts.

it’s a bold move, perhaps, but he bumps his knuckles gently against taiga’s hand hanging beside them. the redhead glances between them, but it doesn’t put daiki off. he carefully offers his hand to hold, forgoing breathing lest it spark an outburst. there’s no rage this time. their hands connect like they had a million times before. daiki already feels better for it, selfishly, as if how he feels is what’s important right now. fuck, he just loves taiga so much. he’ll be fine, he’s taiga. of course he will. he’s at a low point and it’s weird to see him so lost, it’s unnatural somehow, but he’ll get through it. daiki believes in him. he believes in him with his whole goddamn heart.

taiga meets his eyes just as he’s feeling like he could just say it outright. daiki sees tired, teary eyes. he squeezes his hand. “what are you thinking about?” taiga asks quietly.

“how amazing you are,” he replies. “you’ll get through this. i know you will.”

taiga scoffs, but it doesn't sound like an outright rejection. not totally, at least.

a silence settles between them as they each think of something to say. daiki wishes there was something he could do to fix it. fix all the hurt. wrap it up in a ball and throw it outside. it's more of a distraction than anything, but hadn't that metaphor sounded like basketball? it would be impossible to cut the sport from himself. he doesn't think he'd be able to do it. this must be hell for taiga. he glances over and meets teary eyes unexpectedly looking at him, too.

"come here," daiki pulls his hand away, only to slide in and wrap his arms around taiga's waist. he hadn't thought twice about it this time. it's the right thing to do.

"i'm fine," taiga sniffs.

"then it's for my benefit," he snaps. it works, and he feels familiar arms wrap around him in kind. they stand in gentle silence, there’s a wall clock ticking somewhere in the background. cars beneath them sound like crashing waves. a siren. daiki runs his hands along taiga’s back soothingly, and notes that the form is softer now where muscles had laid careful marks of definition. taiga had always been bulkier than him, but this added weight makes the guy seem immovable. and here he is, hiding his face in daiki’s shoulder in the world’s saddest hug. he has to stop himself from kissing him there and then. as if that would help anything. it used to. enough kisses peppered on taiga’s face had always been enough to lift his mood. it’s strange to love taiga with restraint, but he will, if that is what he needs.

"you were right, by the way," taiga mutters, "I haven't talked this through with anybody."

"yeah. i'm here for you, tai. but we don't gotta talk about it if you don't want to. hell, we could pretend i'm the one who works at the bank and never talk about basketball again."

"you, a banker? that's just unrealistic." it's a joke delivered totally pathetically, with a shaking voice.

"shut up," and it's a defence without any bite to it.

“sorry about sabs,” daiki feels the words mumbled into his shoulder, feels taiga’s lips say her name against his t-shirt. taiga sounds guilty. he must know.

“don’t worry about it.”

“i heard you say in that interview that you were gonna have kids. i thought you were gonna end up with her.”

“interview?” daiki frowns. taiga breaks out of the hug and opens the sliding door. he comes to lean against the balcony, and daiki is still standing where he had been, racking his brain for what the hell he was talking about? he remembers an invasive question from a dickhead reporter along those lines, but daiki hadn’t said that he was going to? have them with sabs? he had never even considered it. really never considered it. hell no. “uh,” he finally replies, realising that he hadn’t yet, “no.”

“would you, in the future? not with sabs. i just mean, in general.”

daiki slides the door further open and steps into the cool air. he rests against the railing with his forearms, looking down and out at the city. for all that it could mean, he looks over with a gentle expression at the only person that would change his mind about it. “would you?”

taiga remains fixed on the horizon. his shoulders shrug. “i never thought about shit like that before. i think so, maybe.”

daiki hums. he doesn’t say anything. he doesn’t admit to being happy to hear that taiga is open to it, doesn’t admit that he’s always liked the idea of having kids. at least one, maybe two. being an only child is difficult, but then, the adoption process is difficult. hopefully two kids. he recalls a conversation they had had a long time ago, or maybe it had been a moment in passing that stuck out. taiga has changed his mind. back then, daiki distinctly remembers hearing that taiga didn’t think he’d make for a very good dad. he remembers, because he knows how much he disagreed. a guy like him with a heart like that? please. it’s a given.

“while you’re here, you should visit nijimura and his kids at teiko.”

daiki blinks. the speed at which the conversation was going is leaving him behind. he’d done that before, sure, but not as often as taiga. that makes sense though, right? taiga was always good at making time for shit like that. he shrugs his shoulders. “yeah, i guess. i hadn’t thought about it.”

“daiki?” taiga says quietly. when daiki looks over, their eyes meet. god, taiga’s eyes are so fucking sad. he can’t deal with it. daiki nods, taiga continues. “i’m gonna give you a word of advice. you should really think about what you’re gonna do when you can’t play anymore. i wish i had. there’s no point dwelling on the past, but if i can stop you from feeling like this, then it won’t all be for nothing.”

daiki categorically doesn’t like talking about stuff like this. his injuries will heal. they always do. and he will play again. he is not strong like taiga, he can’t just carve it out and build himself up again. taiga will be able to tell by the look on daiki’s face that he has taken the advice to heart, even if he can’t speak for the lump in his throat. when he can, after a moment, daiki replies.

“i get it if you wanna be alone right now,” his eyes drift back to the city, “and i’ll go stand on the side-lines ‘til you’re ready if that’s what you want, but if our roles were reversed like you mentioned earlier, i hope you would know to come find me.”

“of course i would,” taiga rests forwards on the balcony, mirroring daiki. their arms touch, neither move. “when you put it like that... i’m sorry i was so hard to find.”

daiki doesn’t tell him that he loves him now. not in words. he says it between the lines, in the diminishing space between his fingertips and taiga’s skin. any excuse to touch him, he makes. now, as his head comes to rest momentarily on taiga’s shoulder. can he stay there? taiga allows it. he does. on the arm, later, as a story is told, on the hand. taiga returns it in a drifting touch across daiki’s shoulders as he’s passing in the kitchen, or that one, affectionate moment where taiga had playfully scuffed his knuckles against daiki’s chin. god, it had driven him crazy. taiga is so beautiful. his hair is a little longer. the guy’s always wanted a mullet, maybe now he’s actually growing it out? his hands, his back, his thighs. they’d been friends with benefits a few years ago because they couldn’t handle being in the same room without physically reacting to it. then they’d started taking other people. and now, daiki feels that gut instinct to give taiga everything again. but he won’t. not tonight.

instead, he’ll confess his love in the respectful silences, in reassuring smiles, the changes of conversation, the nah, i’ve got nowhere to be when 11 o’clock hit and taiga was embarrassed to have taken up so much of his time. he says i love you in the way that they briefly hold hands. in the words unsaid because now isn’t the time. in the lingering glances, in the i’ll take the couch tonight. ( taiga, in his way, says i love you as he says no you won’t, you’ll sleep with me. or at least he says i know you love me, which is good enough. ) of course they sleep together. taiga’s head comes to rest upon his chest. they’re clothed. it’s weird not immediately making out with him now that all that daiki can smell is taiga. they are silent as their arms find comfortable ways to settle to sleep. daiki waits for the longest time before he speaks. he waits for breathing to even out, and grip to loosen where taiga’s hand had come to rest at his hip. and, when he does speak, it’s barely a whisper scraped through his tired, croaking throat:

“i love you, tai.”

nothing happens. taiga had been asleep. the night wears on and daiki’s mind walks through every sentence they had spoken. he falls asleep as the stars start to fade, wakes up again when taiga is getting out of bed, but doesn’t stay up. later, the smell of breakfast makes him stir ( it’s never failed before ). taiga tells him that he’s got a job at a bakery, so this bread is actually made by him. it’s perfect, but of course it is. it’s his.

#drabbles.#aokaga #future verse.#this came from a prompt then what was prompted never happened so :///// i moved it to its own post #imagine over 5.6k words and what you had PLANNED to happen JUST DOESNT #these guys are too unreliable. smh #lol since the last tag i added MORE WORDS because apparently i REALLY CANT STOP #SJDSJHD SINCE THE LAST TAG I ADDED MORE OH MY GOD IM JUST GOING TO STOP WRITING NOW

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phoebehalliwell · 3 years

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if you could give 3 positive and 3 negative personality traits to each of the next gen, what would they be?

ooh love it. okay. we know i talk a lot. A Lot. i’m doing this in waves. first set of siblings under the cut (wcm). 2.9k. ily!

wyatt i think it’s say kind bc like. he genuinely tries really hard to be a nice person. considerate which is kind of the same as kind but again he like. he knows the elders almost killed him as a little kid he knows there’s a world where he does go dark side and that does weigh on him, so he tries to put other’s feelings first as much as possible. and then third positive trait ummmm generous which again is kinda all in the same category but it’s like. like wyatt is insanely talented not just like as a witch tho he’s that too he’s also like really smart but he’s not a dick about it he’s one of those kids who’s always like i’ll help u with your homework! what r u doing after school later! like. he has a wealth of knowledge and he doesn’t just sit on it he likes to share. this is one of the reasons henry jr is also so close with wyatt because like. they both share this genuine love and interest in the study of like old magicks so to speak like. histories of witches and demons etc most classes the rest of the next gen honestly find kinda boring. on the flipside his negative traits would be like um a tendency to play by the book he’s a little too strict not because he necessarily believes in it but more again he wants to stay in line so as not to get you know. murdered or w/e. another negative trait is a i would say wyatt gets like way too overattached, especially in relationships, but it’s not limited to that. yes he’s a jump then fall guy & i’ve written about this before (multiple times), but i also think it’s the same with like innocents. like the fact of the matter is is that you literally cannot save anyone but wyatt has never and will never learn to accept that and i think he gets. he takes it real hard whenever he loses somebody and gets really pissy and closed off in the aftermath. a third negative trait is like. overprotective. like. in my writings he’s not the twice blessed anymore but he’s still wicked powerful, and he’s also like. the eldest. so he kind of feels this burden to protect his family. it doesn’t help that throughout their youth like chris ever the demon hunter always sought out trouble and leo who Really Didn’t Want To Watch Chris Die Again kind of always passed on whatever the mission was to wyatt. which, yeah, gave chris issues, but it also gave wyatt issues! because in his head, it really is his responsibility to handle these things for his family. and, yes, sometimes he can relinquish this power a little bit like not actively hover over his family while they’re demon hunting, but if he’s not you know. actively there, he’s either scrying or he’s sensing (if he can do that idk) and just. he’s got this feeling that anything bad that happens to his family is his fault. like he has this great power, so if someone gets hurt, like, he should have been there because he definitely could have stopped it. however, this energy kinda harshes everyone else’s buzz, which is why the other tend not to involve wyatt in their plotlines too much.

moving on to chris who just for the record i already wrote for but thanks to the beauty of this site i accidentally clicked the wrong button & now it's gone. so. take two! i don't remember what i said. okay so first trait i'm giving him is. i honest to god cannot remember what i said previously no wait that's a lie because i remember now because it was interesting. because i think chris is interesting, and i think that's a good thing. because like. i wouldn't describe him as likeable i would not say he has the personality trait of Likable™ because like. he doesn't. but people still really like him. because he is interesting. like they see him and go huh wow i wanna know what's going on there all in all i think people kinda gravitate towards him. but of course flipside i think he doesn't necessarily choose to become friends with everyone who approaches him i think he tends to be a bit picky just because you know he's so guarded so i think he has friends but no like. really super close friends. so like first negative trait is he kinda appears aloof because i mean. he's kinda gotta lotta issues you know and it's not something you can really easily explain to someone non-magical because magic is so deeply ingrained into who he is (which also adds to the aloofness because there are just certain topics he'll drop certain things he just won't talk about and its not because he doesn't care or anything it's just like. that's a really big reveal and rather that spin some elaborate web of lies i think chris just like straight up does the i can't tell you that bit, which makes him seem you know well like aloof kinda a little bit dickish). and then of course there's also like. like a lot of vulnerability involved in understanding who chris is he really doesn't have any middle layers nothing that sits between the surface mortal chris and the charmed chris with an inferiority complex it's either you know it all or you know. he just seems aloof. but again like. i think he's interesting. so much so that a lot of people are just kinda willing to look past that. so like. a lot of just external relationships. surface level. & then another defining trait of his on the positive side is clever. because like. he's smart. like i think he's a really skilled witch i think he's an excellent spellcaster and then like. i also think he can do math and stuff (in my fic he is a coder so like. yeah.) but i think it's kind of beyond just like Oh He's Smart i think it's the way he applies his brains applies his knowledge that really kind of sets him apart from the rest i think he really is clever. and then third positive i think chris is resourceful. i think like. i think he likes to have a sense of indepence away from his family because like. i mean he is a halliwell and he doesn’t shy away from that but at the same time he doesn’t really want to like. lean on that rest on well the thing is it’s not even his laurels to rest on. he wants to have this sense of independence and he’s actually p good at getting it. like i having him living on his own (so 2 speak, he has like. 4 roommates? i’m p sure) and yeah he’s not super great at it from just like. a living perspective you know but he’s making it i think like paying his own rent all that and yeah like the food he eats isn’t great and his room is kind of always a disaster but like. he’s made it p far i think a lot farther than people thought he could no disrespect. so i think he's really able to take what lifes gives him and make the most out of it i don't think he likes to coast by on others' accomplishments. which kinda segues into the second negative trait which i think you probably could guess he's overly-independent like independent to a fault. because like. i think he really wants to define himself with kinda comes in a two-fold way because like. okay in-family he wants to. okay so like obvi, there's a major drop off in power between him and wyatt. and i think he's always kinda been insecure about it think what on earth caused such a cosmic fuck up that he's just a telekinetic and then his brother is like. a baby god. so i think chris really feels this need to prove himself worth of a place in the warren line like cement his skills as and really say you know i deserve this title. and then flipside!! he really doesn't want to rely on titles you know he doesn't want respect because he's a charmed one or because he's a halliwell he wants respect off his own merits he wants people to know him by his actions not the legacy he carries. (also maybe gives reason for chris to occasionally use the name chris perry in the altered timeline??) and then. kind of building off that negative trait for his third one i'm saying listless because like. i think the crucial difference between the chris from the dark timeline and chris from the light timeline is like. darktl!chris has always had purpose. like yes it's a shitty purpose it's a burden it's too much to place on one boy but he is the last halliwell you know it's like basically all on him to stop wyatt from you know annihilating the world. (someone should probably tell him the cupitches exist in the dark future lmao) you know from like very very early on in his life darktl!chris has known he's destined for something big and honestly he might fail but he's gotta give it the ole college try because this is the world on his shoulders he's gotta put up a good fight for it. lighttl!chris literally does not have that. he does not have some grand, epic purpose, some monumental destiny to fulfill and like. what is he supposed to do, you know? why is he here? and he feels like he should have some epic destiny hmm well no not exactly he wants some epic destiny but he feels like if there were some epic destiny to be had it'd probably pass over him in favor for something better just like everything else in his life does. like why is he here? literally why is he here i mean okay so like disclaimer is that chris in my story is like. 20/21 and um. also a college dropout lmao haha and like. call a spade a spade we're probz looking at some undiagnosed depression here like give him a zoloft he'll be fine but like. chris feels like he's kinda on a raft in the middle of open ocean in a sense like. the best option is to pick a direction and paddle and hope he reaches land but he's literally in open ocean there are no markers no indicators he doesn't know where to go and like. if he picks wrong he's just heading closer and closer to nothing at all emptiness death whatever And There's No Way To Know Which Way Is Towards Land. and if he fucks up, like, he's screwed. shout out to all my early twenty-somethings. woot woot. but yeah. i think chris really wants a sense of purpose that simply put he does not have and honestly? will not be getting. i am not giving him a prophecy. i am not giving him a destiny. he will have to live with that. and, at this point in his life, i think he's doing a p bad job at that. lmao.

melinda!! baby girl. angel. honestly? i'm going to give her kind too because i think a large part of her just really wants to help people. i've previously called her the most-whitelightery of the next gen, & then also she is currently going to school with designs to become a nurse because like. she's also an empath you know and i think she definitely has aspirations to kind of mix her magical and mortal sides find a balance of both worlds and use her magic powers to enhance how she can better care for people in a mortal way. i'd also say she's really understanding. like, she's the third sibling to the wyatt-chris duo And she's an empath like. even if she doesn't get it, she gets it. like. things are complicated relationships are complicated like she can literally feel all sides of the story whenever there's a wyatt-chris-leo argument and like. what? is only one of them right? is only one of them allowed to feel the way they feel? no. she gets it. she all kinda understands where they're coming from. she understands. and then third positive trait she's really loving. like she's not a person who's stingy with her love (in a platonic sense. i think it a romantic sense it gets a lot more complicated because like. as an empath on the first date well it's just too weird man and it's. it's not like she can't keep her feelings sorted it's just like knowing exactly how they feel about her….. like it's weird. pass.) but i think she really like. i think she loves her family i think she loves her friends like. ❤. wow. on the more negative side i think she kind of like. self sacrificial. like she'll goes to the ends of the earth for the people she loves before she ever stops to think about herself. she doesn't. like she won't self advocate she won't draw a line in the sand when it comes to the ones she loves she fails to um. to see how sometimes her needs might actually be more important that others like. like if she loves you she will walk until her feet bleed. like. you have to be real careful because like. if you ask her to do something like she'll do it you can tack on that "but it's fine if no you don't have to" because if she feels your need to have this task done she'll do it. it's for love. but it's not good. (she will also extend this to non-loved ones again if she feels their need their like desperate need because at the end of the day she's a giver. hey kinda like the giving tree. i think she loves that book.) i also think she's just a shade naive and i kind of hesitate to use that word because like. i feel like it implies kind of a lack of worldly experience and like. melinda has seen a lot. but i think she like really does kind of see the world through rose colored glass i think she believes that people are intrinsically good and want to help each other and um. this can kinda tee her up for a lot of heartbreak and/or disillusionment with the world when kinda the reality is placed there right before her and it just kind of blows. i think it kind of hurts fresh every time. and then a third and final negative trait i think she like takes on too much, from an emotional standpoint, and doesn't really give anything back. kinda the same as self-sacrificial, but like with a twist. like, yes, as established, she has a lot of love in her heart, and she will take on her friend's emotional burdens (as well as any other burdens they might have for her) but then kinda gives nothing in return. she's a bit guarded in a sense. because again. this all comes back to the empath thing. kind of build on the dating thing. you really get live feedback on what exactly they think about you when you unpack, and like. melinda can't take that. she's too in her head on how this directly impacts their view of her and then she's just reading them and not focusing on her own problems you know like. like ladies if you've ever hit like. 1:30 in the morning at a slumber party when shit starts going from hehehe chetoh doost lasdkajldf to like. i don't think i could ever reasonably get married because divorce has really been the only constant in my life and i genuinely don't think i could trust another person enough to tie myself to them legally.? that's melinda's mcfuckin time to shine i think she does play therapist/peacemaker like a lot she likes it because again. she likes helping people! especially the people she loves!! but um. she'll never partake the other direction she really doesn't like getting vulnerable herself because like. you know if your friends are lying to you like you say something really personal and then cap it off with a y'know? and they all go yeah totally but you can feel them going what,,, the fuck. no?? like. like melinda could not take that it has not happened to her yet (probably) but she's come up with the hypothetical and she could not take that. this doesn't really extend to family just because she knows them so long like oh what chris thinks she's lame? okay. wyatt thinks she's overreacting? yeah i know what i've seen buddyboy. & then. for the record. neither or her brothers would never think she is lame or overreacting even If melinda is being lame or overreacting because they just like wouldn't they know her too well. but melinda's def the person who comes up with worst case hypotheticals in regards to her relationship/empathy powers like. all the time.

#i'm lying it's not actually 2.9k it's only 2889 but like. like. :| : )!!#charmed #next gen #charmed next generation #wyatt halliwell #chris halliwell #melinda halliwell #margaretsminiessays #💌

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tomdiddlyumptious · 3 years

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Can u do a Tom Holland x black model / actress reader where there in ffh together maybe she Palau’s Gwen Stacy and they were fwb while the press tour was happening then they get into a heated argument... then they see each to her at the premiere and they end up sleeping together later that night in maybe a Limo and getting caught by maybe zendaya or Jacob 💀💀💀

I WOULD JUST LIKE TO SAY- IM PRETTY TIRED, I DRUNK MILLIONS OF COFFEE TO DO A ESSAY I DIDNT EVEN FINISH ALL NIGHT LMAO, THATS FOR DISTRACTING ME, I NEEDED IT!

Warnings: long smut, arugeing, getting caught, basically it! Idk what else, probably terrible smut btw

T.H| premier or how ever you spell it

“This is so boring” “why? Because you aren’t meeting Batista?” “Oh I’m meeting Batista Thomas” he only laughed at you, it was the press tour today, everyone fancy and shit.

You and Tom have been friends for a long time, friends with benefits for a short one, you’ve only fucked a few times..... totally, just in the two hotels, the dressing room, on the couch, on the back of the couch, on the front door, the wall- anyways. But you’ve both always had a bond.

You both were making it to your hotel, in his car, he had his hand on your thigh, taking it higher and higher until he cupped you, you turned to him while he bit his lip still looking at the road, you pushed his hand down as he looked at you confused.

“Wow you look” “amazing” Tom finished your assistants words, triko (tree co) looking back him and nodding in agreement, your hair in a natural kinky Afro and a poofy dress, two layers, and off the shoulders, the color was yellow and it radiated off your skin, matching your dark colored acrylics (basically Rihanna’s dress but yellow, let’s act like it was invented yet) “Thanks” you say, smiling at yourself. “Well I have to go take care of something, uh your hair shouldn’t dry out so you should be fine” triko said, walking out.

“I-uh hi” he stuttered, coming up behind you as you turned to him. “What Thomas” you ask. “I was thinking about you-“ “so you just wanna fuck huh?” You cross your arms over your chest raising your eyebrows at him.

“I don’t just want to fuck, I want to talk to you, while we fuck” he smiles, thinking he is funny. “I’m not doing this anymore” you push past him, sitting on your vanity chair. “What are you talking about?” He asked, turning to you. “I’m not sleeping with you” you look at yourself in the mirror, fixing your makeup. “What did I do?!” He almost yelled.

“You only want to sleep with me! We don’t even talk any fucking more Thomas! You cup my vagina out of the blue, you come to my house almost every night with a bottle of wine, it’s like I’m a fucking booty call” you slammed your brush down, looking at him through the mirror.

“Hey you aren’t a booty call! What the fuck is up with you!” He yelled, his lips in a thin line. “Tell me the last time we actually had a sit down conversation Thomas” you said, he stops in his tracks, trying not to look away. “In the car-“ “in the car?! You mean the one you cupped me in! In the same day! Like I’m some sex toy and-“ “you know what fuck you, you can’t make random decisions like you didn’t like it!” You stood up, bit your lip sure it would bleed, walking up to him. “You right, i did like it, until what it did to you” you take your pointer finger, pressing it on his forehead and pushed it back. “And to me” you put your finger to your chest “and to us” you pointed and both of you. “Find some hooker on the street Thomas, or even better! Zen fucking daya, I’m not fucking wit chu, and you better leave my room or i swear-“ “swear what?” He asked, crossing his arms and looking at you. “Or I swear I will call you out for the user you are, think about it with me ‘Thomas the slut’ ‘can’t keep his hands off of y/n’ ‘using her for a fuck?’ ‘Isn’t using his brain’, I’ll ruin you and anything you’ve worked for, try me. And it doesn’t only have to be about me, I’ll just dig up more dirt” “now that’s childish y/n” “not when my feelings are hurt! Your fucking clueless man, I- fuck you!” You stormed out of the room, leaving Thomas there stranded trying to understand what even happened at that moment. “Fuck” he whispered, looking around and noticing he basically couldn’t slam anything because it is all yours.

“Hey y/n!” Jacob smiled, you smiled back at him “hey Jacob” “how are you” “eh things could be better” you shrugged. “Wanna talk about it?” He asked, really worried. Both of you making your way to the limo “not really if I’m being honest, I know I don’t wanna be alone though so do you want to take pictures with me?” You questioned looking at him, he only nodded.

Each of your arms wrapped around each other’s, smiling at the camera. Giggling as Jacob told you stupid jokes.

On the other hand thomas was taking pictures with zendaya, his hand around her waist and hers around his shoulders. “Hey can we do questions?” An interviewer asked, Tom nodding and coming forward.

Thomas answered a few questions and shared a few laughs until the question came up “so Gwen Stacy, you said you’ve always wanted a black cat but you have a Gwen Stacy, how does it feel?” “I feel like peter is a very lucky man” he laughed “but I am to, I’m lucky enough to work with y/n how by the way is sooo” he opened is hands as if somethings is in between spacing them “talented, I’m glad we have her and Gwen Stacy here, I mean at least we don’t have anyone bad right?” He laughed again, the interviewer laughing with him.

“I’ve always had the most biggest crush on Spider-Man, it’s honestly my brothers fault because he forced me to watch it” you laughed “what’s your favorite suit of his?” “Probably venom, he looked really cool but his attitude wasn’t it” you giggled. “Did i mention how beautiful you are, I just felt like I had to say it or else I’d regret it later” “ooo are you hitting on me?” You grinned, placing your hand on your collar bone. He nervously laughed “I mean, I guess so” “oo imma get you fired” you teased making him laugh, did I mention Tom was basically right next to you both?

His jaw clenched many times, trying not to glance over, his mind roaming into violent things, until he had it, he’d just talk to you or something, oh well.

“I forgot my bracelet, I’ll be right back” you waved at tony as he only nodded “I’ll be right here waiting for you” he smiled. You walked off the the same limo, staying there for whatever reason you asked the driver to unlock the car, instead he just gave you to whole keys. You went to the limo, unlocking it and getting in. You digged in the side of the seat, trying to find it until you heard the door open and close again, you screamed and tried to stand for some odd reason but hit your head, you groaned and sat down rubbing over the spot.

You looked over to find Thomas, you both made eye contact and you groaned again turning away from him “okay okay look! We are going to talk, to fucking talk!” He said, you look at him and rolled your eyes, trying to open the door until it was locked, you looked at Thomas and he dangled the keys smiling at you. Then you groaned, once again. “You aren’t going anywhere until we talk about this” he said. “I’m not talking about shit” “well you aren’t leaving” “I got hot spot” you pulled out your phone, only to get it snatched, you had your Apple Watch on, “don’t even” “oh I’m going to” “I don’t wanna break it” “fine then, let’s talk” you gave up, sitting up straight, taking off the watch and throwing it at his head.

“Okay- whatever, anyways talk” “you wanted to talk! Not me!” “Alright then! Can you tell me what hurt your feelings?” “I be-“ “spit it out, stop being hard headed for fucks sake” you sighed, crossing your arms. “What hurt my feelings is that you- i- we don’t talk anymore all we do is just sleep around, I miss you Thomas, not your dïck, I miss you, I miss the talks over tea and the you coming to my modeling. If you want to have sex I get it but why almost every other week? I feel like you collect all of your shit and use sex to get out of it, I don’t want to be the one you do that to” “shit y/n, I don’t want you to feel that way, I don’t do that nor feel that way- now that I’m noticing it I am doing something wrong to make you feel that way” he frowned, coming closer to you and sitting next to you, taking your hand. “I can make you feel better I promise, I’ll do anything you want me to do” he kissed your hand, you looking at him and your hand. He trails up to your neck, not going to your sweet spot but everywhere else then it, you let out small hisses and shuddered. “I-“ you cut yourself off by a moan, his hands finding its way to your thigh “I won’t cup you if you don’t like it, I’ll do things for you, I really don’t want you to feel that way” he whispered, rubbing your thighs and breathing on your neck and your jaw, still moaning from the hand on your thigh. “You can be my pillow princess, you won’t have to do anything because I will, I’ll make you happy” “promise?” “Yeah i do, let me pleasure you, please” he then looked at you, lips so close you could almost feel them on yours, eye contact, so deep making it feel like your exchanging souls, the lust and love in both of your eyes, just now exposing you have feelings for each other.

His hand on you thigh raising to your underwear, pulling them down as he gave a kiss to you. “Can we take this off?” He asked, his other hand coming up to your chest, rubbing over each of your breasts and you whimper and nod.

He smiles, knowing your dying by his touch, all he had to do really his make sure he is your bitch at first, but this time he really wanted to have sex, not a fwb sex, there is a difference.

Your back lifts as he finished to take down your lacy white underwear, soaked. “Do I make you like this?” He asked, holding them up wanting you to look at them and you only nodded at him. “Look at it princess, look at the things I do to you, how wet you get when I touch you, you were probably wet the minute I even came close to you, yeah darling?” He bit his lip, taking your underwear and stuffing it in his back pocket. “Open up” he tasks and you follow, opening up your legs revealing your sweet angel smell. “I can smell you, it’s fucking perfect” he murmured, wrapping his hand around your back and unzipping the dress, pulling it down until your breasts were on display. “I wish I could take the whole thing off, but I don’t want us to get caught” he smiled, wetting his thumb with his tongue and rubbing over your nipple, he maintains eye contact with you, feeling your chest deeper as you breath in and out.

You could feel your clit wanting stimulation, slowly reaching your hand down you softly rub over pearl, letting out whimpers as Tom watched. “Touching yourself darling?” He lifted the dress, revealing you touching yourself, his hand came off your nipple and just watched you pleasure yourself, “mm” you bit your lip, your eyes getting slightly clouded. “Faster, for me” he said, now getting on his knees, standing infront of your womanhood, you start to speed up, Tom pushing your legs open more. “Buck your hips down” he ordered, you followed, a moan escaping your lips as Tom spit on you. “Good girl” he purred, kissing your calf’s, you bit your lip to contain the moans, “stop what you doing” he said, making you stop your tracks, he took your hand and suck the wetness off, smiling up at you and coming in between your legs, kissing your clit. “I want you to watch me princess, lift up that dress” you lifted up the poofs, meeting his eyes and he smiled “ready?” “Ready” you nodded. He took a strip of you, your folds open from your legs, your back arched, holding in to your knees, he kitty licked your pearl, you whining as you held tighter hearing the sounds as everything else was silent, he then harshly sucked you, “ah! Fuck tommy” you bit your lip humming, trying to open them more. His tongue trailed down to your slit and entered, fucking you with it, the texture of his tongue rubbing against your walls, feeling so good, he brings up his fingers, taking his tongue out and replacing it with his fingers, so wet and warm, easy to slip in. “Mmm” he pressed on your clit with his tongue, harsh circles and quick sucks, shaking his head side to side your breathing became heavier, him fucking you faster and your hand going down, running your fingers through his hair, tugging as he moaned in you, “mm!” You moaned louder, his name spilling out your mouth as you released. He lapped up some of your come, wanting to leave the rest.

He left your heat, on his knees still he unbuckled his pants “did you know you taste so good?” He asked, pulling himself out, thick and a bit over circumcised, precum on his head, “please fuck me” you whined, one organism not enough. “I hear ya” his knees in between your legs, he pumped himself before placing it in you, not wasting time. “Fuck” he whispered, bottoming himself in you and pulling out, just to go inside again. His hand came behind the head of the seat, fucking himself deeper and snapping his hips “Tom!” “Yes baby?” “Mmm” “that’s what i like to hear” he smiled, mostly to himself, looking at your dazed state, your eyes filled with so many things. After getting comfy he started to speed up, your body rocking with his, you grab his arms, digging in his skin as he hissed and fucked you harder making you let out a harsh moan. “Like that?” He asked, getting close to your spot. “Fuck tommy yes, I love it- ah!” He hit your spot, noticing the differences you made he continued fucking that spot, taking both hands and putting them behind the head of the seat he slammed into you, harder, faster, fuck it’s everything you want, everything you need, the skin slapping on skin, him hitting your spot and looking at you like a goddess, he moaned as you clenched so close, so so close.

Until the door opened “what the fuck-“ zendaya said, you quickly covered your breasts, looking over and seeing her eyes wide, Jacob behind her just starring at both of you, Tom kinda pissed because he was just there. “So uhm, I’m kinda hungry but I guess I’ll just take like a Uber or something” Jacob cleared his throat, couldn’t see this any longer. “Can’t we just drive the limo and leave them back here?” Zendaya distantly asked, closing the door. “I thought you locked it!” You whipped your head at Thomas. “The keys are in my front pocket! I’m guessing you accidentally pressed the button with your thigh!” He whispered. “Me!?” “Yes you” “Thomas get up” “can you just ride me because I really want to cum right now” you sighed as you nodded, him flipping both of you over. You rode him until both of you came, pressing kisses on your neck the car started moving. “What is happening?” “WERE GOING TO BURGER KING BITCHES!” Zendaya let out ‘whoos’ and Jacob laughed. “How long were we out here?” “For a while” Tom nodded, a bump causing both of you to moan, you get off of him and grab baby wipes to clean both of you up, don’t worry there’s a window separator, they can’t see you.

“You don’t get your panties back, there mine now” he smiled at you while you tried to fix your hair and your makeup. “Here’s some fabreeze! Might want to open the window while your at it” Jacob opened the window, throwing fabreeze in the back and Tom opened the window, letting the sex air out as both of you were dazed kinda, breath still heavy.

#tom holland x reader #tom holland #tom holland fanfic #tom holland x black!reader #Huns asks #tom holland fic #tom holland imagine #tom holland smut #tom holland au #JBwrites

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pinktwingirl · 3 years

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Loki Series Rewrite (AKA Loki Series but with Squirrel Girl) Ep 5

INT. TVA COURTROOM - DAY

Sylvie is threatening Ravonna.

SYLVIE

This is it, isn't it? This is where you dragged me after you stole my life. A fitting place, then, to take yours.

Suddenly, Doreen rushes in, carrying several prune sticks.

DOREEN

Here! We're gonna need these.

(She tosses one to Sylvie, then freezes when she sees Loki isn't there.)

Where's Loki?

(At Sylvie's silence, her eyes widen in horror, and she drops the other prune sticks.)

No...

(She rushes over and grabs Ravonna.)

What did you do to him?!

RAVONNA

What if I said the other Loki wasn't dead? Not yet, anyway.

SYLVIE

I'd say you were lying.

RAVONNA

Maybe. Or maybe we want the same thing.

DOREEN

How could he still be alive? You... pruned him!

SYLVIE

More importantly, how will saving him get us closer to who's really behind the TVA?

RAVONNA

It's complicated.

DOREEN

Then un-complicate it.

INT. TVA COURTROOM - DAY

Sylvie and Ravonna are discussing the end of time while Doreen keeps a prune stick trained on Ravonna.

SYLVIE

So how do we get past the void?

RAVONNA

It's impossible. There's nothing for the tem-pad to lock onto. No destination.

SYLVIE

Then we go through it.

Ravonna scoffs.

RAVONNA

That's suicide.

SYLVIE

Then I guess my need for you has passed.

She gets her own prune stick ready as Ravonna's eyes widen in horror.

MISS MINUTES

W-Wait! What about the void spacecraft?

RAVONNA

Y-Yes! The prototype!

MISS MINUTES

Right... I'll get the file...

DOREEN

What's the "void spacecraft"?

RAVONNA

I-It's a spaceship designed to withstand the temporal void. It could conceivably take us to the end of time.

SYLVIE

Find Loki.

RAVONNA

Find the man behind the curtain.

SYLVIE

And kill him.

RAVONNA

Together.

They shake hands. Ravonna tries to pull hers away, but Sylvie keeps her grip firm.

SYLVIE

Miss Minutes, where are the files on this "time craft"?

MISS MINUTES

Uh... Still lookin' hun...

Sylvie raises an eyebrow.

SYLVIE

Nothing?

MISS MINUTES

Th-They're... pretty deep...

RAVONNA

I-It's highly restricted; I might not even have clearance...

SYLVIE

Oh no, I think you would. If it's real.

Ravonna nervously glances at Miss Minutes.

RAVONNA

How long?

MISS MINUTES

Any second now...

Just then, we hear agents bursting in through the door. Doreen grabs Sylvie and they jump behind a desk.

AGENT

(to Ravonna)

Are you hurt?

RAVONNA

I'm fine. But she took my tem-pad.

(She turns to the desk.)

Sylvie? You're not thinking of going on the run, are you? We know where you hide... Sooner or later, we'll catch you.

DOREEN

(whispering to Sylvie)

What do we do?

RAVONNA

It must be so exhausting...

SYLVIE

I'll admit, you had me fooled there for a minute... Or did you get a little real? Did Judge Renslayer really feel betrayed by her beloved TVA?

RAVONNA

Why don't you come back out and we can... talk about it?

SYLVIE

Sure! Just tell everyone else to piss off and we can settle this between us.

Doreen raises an eyebrow at Sylvie.

RAVONNA

Works for me...

The agents close in on the desk.

SYLVIE

What happened to finding the man behind the curtain?

RAVONNA

Tell you what, you come out with your hands up, and I'll put you in a time loop. Something not so bad. You can live out your days in a good memory.

(Beat)

Do you have any good memories?

After a pause, Sylvie grabs Doreen and stands them both up, causing Doreen to gasp in surprise. Sylvie points the prune stick at the agents, then suddenly prunes Doreen and herself.

INT. VOID HIDEOUT - DAY

Loki is speaking with the other Loki variants in their hideout.

LOKI

No. I'm the same. I'm the same as all of you.

(Beat)

Have any of you met a variant that primarily uses her female form?

CLASSIC LOKI

There are plenty of those. You'll have to be more specific.

LOKI

Um... Short hair... Blonde... Goes by "Sylvie"?

CLASSIC LOKI

Oh, yes, her. She's terrifying.

LOKI

She is! But that's what's great about her! She needs us! All of us!

EXT. VOID - DAY

Sylvie is lying unconscious on the ground. Doreen shakes her.

DOREEN

Sylvie! Sylvie, wake up! Sylvie, can you hear me?

Sylvie's eyes widen and she sits up.

SYLVIE

Where are we?

DOREEN

Uh... At the end of time, I guess. It's... kind of a shithole.

Sylvie stands up.

SYLVIE

Let's go. We need to find Loki.

They begin walking. Doreen takes out her Loki locket and tries to turn it on, but the hologram is blank.

DOREEN

Huh... I guess this won't work in a void where time and space is meaningless.

SYLVIE

What is that thing, anyway?

DOREEN

I made it for Loki. We each have one. I gave it to him so I could see where he was if he was ever in trouble, but... I kind of ended up being the one calling him for help...

(Beat)

SYLVIE

You really care about Loki, don't you?

Doreen blushes.

DOREEN

U-Um... I mean... Yeah, I guess. He's... a good friend.

SYLVIE

Oh, don't try to hide it. Loki may be oblivious to it, but I'm not. It's plain as day on your face.

Doreen looks away, embarrassed.

SYLVIE

It's a shame your life is so fleeting, then. You would be quite the catch, I'll admit. You're a clever girl.

Doreen's face flushes red.

SYLVIE

But you know that whatever you have with him can't last, right? You're a mortal. Trying to pursue a relationship with him... it wouldn't be fair to do that to him.

Doreen looks down sadly.

DOREEN

I know. I just... can't help it, I guess.

SYLVIE

Hmm. Well, I suppose he'll get over it eventually once you're gone. We never stick to one thing - always moving on to the next. That's the best way to adapt and survive.

(Off Doreen's sadness.)

Oh, don't take it personally, dear. That's just how we are. You could say it's... in our nature.

Suddenly, they see ALIOTH spreading behind them.

DOREEN

That... doesn't look good.

Alioth starts to creep closer, demolishing everything in its path.

SYLVIE

Run!

They both start to run, with Doreen nearly tripping over her dress.

DOREEN

Okay, running in this dress is getting really annoying! Do you think you could magic my normal clothes back onto me?!

In a flash of green, Doreen's dress shifts into her old outfit.

DOREEN

Thank you!

They suddenly see a pizza delivery car racing towards them.

DOREEN

Is that Mobius?!

They jump in the car, and Mobius speeds away.

DOREEN

Moby! You're alive!

MOBIUS

Can you shut the door? We still got a little bit of a situation here...

Sylvie slams the door shut. As they drive, a cloud of black magic smoke approaches them.

SYLVIE

Watch out!

MOBIUS

I see it! I see it!

SYLVIE

Really?! Because you're driving right towards it!

MOBIUS

God, you really are one of you... Hang on!

EXT. VOID - DAY

Mobius continues to drive, with Sylvie and Doreen in the back.

MOBIUS

All that time, I really believed we were the good guys...

SYLVIE

Annihilating entire realities, orphaning little girls... Classic hero stuff.

MOBIUS

Well, I guess when you think the ends justify the means, there's nothing you won't do. By the way, you did some annihilating, too.

SYLVIE

I did what I had to do.

MOBIUS

Yeah. So did I.

SYLVIE

You hunted me like a dog.

DOREEN

Um, okay, we've all made mistakes, can we maybe save this conversation for when we're not all about to die?

SYLVIE

I thought we could find Loki down here... But that storm... that thing's likely already got him.

MOBIUS

You really believe that?

SYLVIE

It doesn't matter. The only thing that matters now is getting out of here and finding out who's behind all of this.

MOBIUS

Great. How do we do that?

SYLVIE

We turn around.

DOREEN

Uhh... Sorry, what?

MOBIUS

You wanna go back to the angry cloud?

SYLVIE

Yeah. I think it might be the answer. We're going back to it.

EXT. VOID - DAY

Mobius drives up to the Loki variants. Loki's eyes widen when he sees them.

LOKI

Sylvie?!

He rushes over to them.

SYLVIE

You're alive...

Mobius and Doreen step out of the car. Doreen rushes up to Loki and hugs him.

LOKI

Doreen! Mobius!

DOREEN

I was so worried... Are you okay?

LOKI

I'm fine. How did you...?

SYLVIE

We thought you could do with some backup.

Loki smiles. The other Lokis approach them, putting the others on edge.

LOKI

No, no, no, wait, wait, wait! These are my... friends. Ah... Well, they're um... how best to put this? Uh... Us as a child, us in the future, and us as a... uh... an alligator.

Sylvie raises an eyebrow.

LOKI

It's... best not to question it.

Doreen gasps.

DOREEN

There's a Baby Loki???

KID LOKI

Don't call me that.

DOREEN

Okay, Baby Loki!

Kid Loki scowls at her.

EXT. VOID - DAY

Mobius is chatting with Doreen as Loki and Sylvie talk.

DOREEN

So... I guess we're... going after the giant cloud thingy. No idea how we're supposed to do that, but okay.

MOBIUS

I don't know, don't you usually command a giant army of squirrels?

DOREEN

Yeah, normally, but I only brought these three along with me.

(She points to Tippy-Toe, Monkey Joe, and Mr. Lieberman.)

Taking down a giant magical monster might require a little more than that...

Mobius glances at a chipmunk bounding past them.

MOBIUS

There's a squirrel.

Doreen raises an eyebrow.

DOREEN

That's not a squirrel; that's a chipmunk.

Mobius shrugs.

MOBIUS

They're the same thing.

DOREEN

Excuse me?! They are not the same thing! They're completely different!

We cut to Loki sitting with Sylvie.

SYLVIE

Mobius isn't so bad. And Doreen is... well, Doreen. I can see why you keep her around.

Loki raises an eyebrow.

LOKI

Don't tell me you've just been flirting with her this whole time?

SYLVIE

I'm sorry, I thought you said she was just an acquaintance?

LOKI

Oh, shut up.

Sylvie smirks. After a pause, her smile fades.

SYLVIE

It must be nice... to have friends.

They glance over at Doreen and Mobius, who are still arguing over the difference between a squirrel and a chipmunk. Loki laughs.

SYLVIE

I don't have any...

(Beat)

I don't have... anyone.

Loki smiles.

LOKI

Well, you and I are the same. My friends are your friends now.

Sylvie smiles.

EXT. VOID - DAY

Mobius is saying goodbye.

MOBIUS

Sylvie... I need to apologize... for everything the TVA's done to you. And Loki... I'm sorry, too. It wasn't fair of us to put you through what we did. And it wasn't fair of me to judge you for your past. Not when you're trying to be a better person now.

He extends his hand to Loki. Instead of shaking it, Loki hugs him.

LOKI

Goodbye, my friend.

MOBIUS

(whispering to Sylvie)

You're my favorite.

Sylvie grins. Doreen hugs him as well.

DOREEN

You go get that jet ski, you hear?

MOBIUS

Sure will. Well, see you later!

He heads out the portal and leaves.

@drawntothedarkside

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smallestclowninthecircus · 3 years

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Season 4 notes

Ep 121: mmmm tape recorder turning on without them knowing goes brrr. AAAhjhdsjfhjdf "do you mind if i call you jon" its like "can i call you elias?" is this the dream guy with the tendrils? who wants to bet the boat is captained by peter lukas? big man if it killed yall how are you still here. oh boy the tape is doin that thing. who do we think it is? did he wake up? hmm. ep 122: lol jon. 6 months!?!? bruh quit movin big man. he just Knows things sometimes you know how it is. nah b/c i can relate to feeling like other ppl/ things arent real, thats the biggest mood BUT i think it is kinda pretentious to entertain the idea that youre the only Real person. If you dont see a body dont believe it. i'll hold out hope for a bit. theres not a new archivist is there? surely i wouldve heard about that. oh god peter what changes did you make. ep 123: web development. hope its about spiders. she blames him. bruh why. if they hadnt done anything the world would've ended piss off melanie. why are ppl acting like he chose to be in a coma for 6 months. we know this they just appear. no longer "head archivist of the magnus institute, london" now he's just "the archivist" covered in spiders? cuz ik the spider has to do with controlling what youre doing and all this stuff but i cant think of how this connects to that. ep 124: ugh vertigo. is michael crew an old man? oooh. fairchild. how did he know it was martin? hmm. GRR I LOST MY NOTES AGAIN. FROM EPISODE 125 - part of 131. ep 131: bruh he's so hard to understand big man ur voice is so low. Jared Hotworth. the boneturner. "the ones i helped find their proper bodies" name a better top surgeon? our favorite trans ally? ep 132: woo field trip into the coffin! static lol. he says "chill out im just poppin in for a quick recall mission" is the rib thing actually gonna work? bruh it feels so odd and contrived but he's an odd man with some odd powers so idk. rip that archivist ayyy statement time. voices? recordings? are those tape recorders? was it the tape recorders? did they pull him back? i hope so b/c if the rib thing actually worked im gonna be so disappointed. ep 133: predicting the lonely? tundra. like the lukases. hmm. sanikova! like sanikov land. so its the hunt? i suppose? yeah. so daisy's clearly rejecting the hunt, which makes sense cuz she doesnt seem to like the entities that much. wait so are we just not gonna talk abt all the tapes playing on the ground?? no? ep 134: not an archival assistant anymore? Adelard Decker (or however you spell it) i recognize that name. 15th power. i was right there are 15. the extinction? im trying to remember what ive heard. oooh spooky. no i gotta be real i dont understand this fear but i'll believe you that its a thing. ew lukas is so squealy. lukas can turn invisible? oh boy. oooh martin put the tape recorders there. lol lukas is worried he's gonna be an avatar of the eye. ep 135: yoo its the third Daedalus statement! maxwell rayner (reiner? reigner?) i dont know who that is but ik its somebody. is he the cult leader guy? church of the divine host? 4 people?? what? did they kidnap somebody and keep them up there?? oh dear jon are you dying? did he try to See or Know or whatever? why does everyone call basira detective lol. ep 136: he was the one from the spider movie that ate ppl right? the special effects artist? is it annabelle cane? "its a joke jon" lol. hmm they wanted to record the therapy session with melanie? i wonder who that is. i almost wanna guess annabelle cane but im not sure. ep 137: this is the one! he went to the other place and read the war statement but it wasnt the one she took. not the music again. sounds like the slaughter. who the heck is eric lol. "the watcher's crown" like the crown of eyes we saw in the piccrew ep 138: oh boy Robert Smirk time. is that elias? as unhelpful as usual. if new powers can be "born" can others die out? did jonah magnus wear the watchers crown? maybe they were born from our fear or maybe our fears were born from them. ceaseless watcher does ceaselessly watch so. idk what you want

big man. yeah jonah for sure did something. ep 139: agnes!! lol that one dude threw off all their plans thats so funny. BUT this does tell us something. the tree in the backyard of the hilltop house? not made by her. it going down didnt kill agnes. im guessing gertrude tied agnes to the house using the tree? u good jon? cuz every time you try to Know smth intentionally it seems like it causes you great pain. how come he can do it accidentally with no problem but the second he wants to know smth of plot relevance he gets a headache or whatever ep 140: lol pagan exultation. classic. "oh thats my rib" lmaoo. ppl are always so mad at jon and his Eye powers except when it benefits them. they're like "oh you shouldnt do that its not right" and then all of a sudden they want to know something and its all "oh cmon jon its the only way" ep 142: oh god jon what did you do. its interesting she's giving her statement in the way that they do when jon Asks. did he see her in the Coffin? and so he's following her? ok cmon jon you're supposed to let them come to you. lmao ikr martin. "start to hear the blood" "suure." lmao ep 143: lol that awkward moment when gertrude is already dead. big J if you die im gonna kill you. bruh. ayo helen? i guess it worked? ep 144: lol this reminds me of that one edgar allan poe story where he kills the old dude with the weird eye. spooky music stuff. lol thats my favorite symptom of a heart attack its hilarious. so its smth abt the location probably? bro i feel like you should write down the numbers idk. 162830165049 564846474827. seems like the distortion? like the kinda thing that causes you to go crazy because of the numbers. oh boy is it the extinction again. bro what?? im?? his dad just died and he's like eh. martin dont be mean. he's being all lonely again. big man ur pushing ppl away. oh god its fucking squealy boy. ep 145: that almost sounds like breekon/hope... Arthur? agnes. aah was he from the lightless flame cult. a tree. lol he's just ranting rn. hehehe fuck landlords amirite. yay someone tells jon outright to go to therapy. now do it big man. ep 146: oh great! the distortion! i'm making a spiral themed building in mc right now! jon maybe accept you did a bad? nah this goes back to what i said before. they're fine with him compelling ppl when its convenient for them but otherwise its "no jon you cant, youre a monster jon" the tapes didnt turn on. i spose that means its not important? i agree with daisy, this seems unecessarily dangerous. ep 147: is that a tape? the first tape? well that went better than i expected tbh. BAHAKJASHDJKF she did the "can i call you jon" like nikola says "elias, can i call you elias?" damn annabelle is such a girlboss. oh! the one thing from the picrew. its been a while since ive connected smth to that. lol all the other avatars always talk abt their patron so lovingly and the jon just. absolutely hates the eye. ep 148: lol thats the most elias thing. "i just like the way it sounds" ep 149: did he disappear? bruhh. ur lonely powers are popping off i guess. oops i accidentally deleted my notes for 150 - 152 ep 153: thats the cult right? yeah. it doesnt sound like the church of the divine host? idk. if it is the church of the divine host then they worship the dark right? so is the eleventh the dark star or wtvr? it almost sounds like the corruption b/c of the oil or grease or whatever. oh dear what happened. oh its the hunters. theyre so annyoing. not an "it" he has a name. he's a person. is this a page from the skin book? ep 154: oh shit this is gerry's dad! oh shit he quit! oh dear god. jon don't you do it. haha martin. yeahhhh... is he gonna tell the others? cuz you know theyre gonna get mad if he doesnt. oh also picrew connection! the bandages over the eyes? yeah thats this im guessing. ep 155: oh good he told them. oh my god what did you do. lol i have no mouth and i must scream. nah you get none of my sympathy you're straight up murdering ppl. its like the desolation, destroying lives to sustain your own. ok but taking their statements doesnt

kill them. oh... bye melanie. ep 156: lmao imagine if the tape recorder spoke back. oh boy decker! i swear we got a statement from him already. oh god mirrors scary. They're gonna eat the body arent they. Yup... sounds like the flesh or the slaughter, but I'm not sure. Could be the extinction for sure. Smth at the center! Like Helen mentioned. God Peter you dick. Ep 157: peter's just so :/ another decker statement i see. a statement about the corruption? hmm. maybe its not abt the corruption. the extinction. lol pandemics. topical. John Amherst. helen? lol i can hear admiral purring in the background. oh cmon helen dont be like that. im trying real hard to like you but you make it so difficult. ep 158: did they fucking free the stranger? im gonna lose it. you absolute dumbass. im sorry who is that? jonah magnus? my guy. peter. you absolute dickhead. that's elias. (im p sure i had this spoiled for me that elias is jonah) oh dear this is her death. god peter you prick. i hope this is a pop off martin moment and not a "martin you idiot" moment. i hope the hunters kill the stranger entity. or she kills them. furry daisy pop off! yeah fuck you peter martin can make his own decisions. you know that clip from Twisted where jafar says "ok what the fuck was that" martin D: ok like i know its gonna work but still D: D: ep 159: peter you bitchboy. because if im alone i cant hurt anyone else. imnotgonnacryimnotgonnacryimnotgonnacry do it do it do it do it. pop off jon. ok its a pretty good idea for a ritual i gotta be honest. she didnt even have to blow it up lol. oh dear that was certainly a noise. "he gets you" did he not have jon already? he's back! our boy is back! awwww thats so cute. ep 160: oh right this is the thing in the safe house. i love him. "obviously im going to tell you if i see any good cows" martin my beloved <3 :)) oh boy who is this. fuckin. people. jonah you dick. gahh. you can tell he's trying to resist so hard lol. ohh. hehe keep an *eye* on him. altho if the extinction is a real thing he needs to be marked by that right? lol he sounds so intense im sorry- i want martin to just burst in and be like "look at this cow i saw!" its so dramatic and for why.

#tma notes #tma

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certifiedceraunophile · 3 years

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Hello! I’m your Klaroline Swap gifter👀 I am sorry it's taken me this long to reach out but I've finally gotten to it! I am excited to be writing for you and wanted to ask a few questions about your gift. Wanted to know about your all-time favorite tropes and side pairings? Any Caroline friendships you like? Any tropes or pairings you don't like? Any pet peeves with KC fic? Any smut preferences? Anything you especially want to see or any info you'd like me to know? Hope you have a great day!💖

Heyyy!! Thank you for sending me this ask, and please don't apologize, it’s all good 💖 I hope you're having a great day too! So I’ll just jump in and answer all your questions ✌🏾✨

I am so so sorry it got this long, like so long, I really tried to condense it, but I have no concept of short and concise so now I have to put this below a cut 😭🙃😭

All time favourite tropes:

[see here's the thing I dont exactly *know* what tropes are so I'm just gonna yeet a bunch of HIGHLY specific prompt-thingies that make me tingle at you and you can do w them what you wish- like take out certain parts you want to use, or base other tropes off of them anything you wish really, even if you choose to ignore all of them I won't be holding it against you dw!]

Ok so I love love the "I was just captured by the bad guys and very harshly uh demanded to sell you out, but I didnt, bc even though I might posture like you’re the scourge of the earth and would gladly see you dead, I in fact, do not want you dead and will therefore not be selling you out and will handle mild -emphasis on mild please do not hurt either of my babies too much- torture instead and oops! look at that, you just overheard this exact exchange where I stand my ground and refuse to betray you, and now you’ve gone feral over your loyalty kink and are spouting promises of never letting go of me, which honestly I cannot bring myself to be mad at."

I love love love the forced bedsharing trope which then leads to accidental cuddling, where one party [caroline] is just very very annoyed that their body sought the warmth of a cockroach fucknugget being [klaus] and the fucknugget party is just very very smug about being the other party's personal space heater, and nuzzles them and cuddles tighter and asdfghjkl I'm getting tingly just thinking about it, and like says w a husky sleepy voice “don't move” and cuddles closer. jfc please I’m a basic bitch with very basic wants.

I absolutely LOVE the "we work on opposite enemy sides, but now we have to band together to defeat one common enemy and honestly I am NOT glad that I constantly wanna throw you against a wall, and not all reasons for said wall-throwing are strictly to inflict violence on you."

I also LOVE the "fuck youre bleeding/hurt/injured and fucking hell I dont know why my hands are shaking while I attend to your wounds but god it is, and now I'm not sure exactly how deep you've furrowed into my heart and stuck yourself there like a dickheaded leech."

Now I feel like I have given you many tropes, but I also feel like i didnt in fact help you at all, bc I'm not sure these are uh tropes?? but anyway those are some highly specific...scenes?? I have a very deep bias for

[you obviously dont HAVE to write ANY of them if you dont want to]

And also if I had to give you a clear cut trope to follow, I absolutely LOVE the enemies-to tentative allies-to lovers trope, in which one party is just working really really hard to get to the lovers part, and the other is working really really hard not to get to the lovers part, but caves later on, bc really the fucker grows on you. [Featuring Klaus as the "high key besotted already pursuing Caroline"-person, and Caroline is the "I am very very annoyed w this wooing, but I am more annoyed this wooing is working"-person. And also, I like my Klaus E V I L, But really really really *soft* for Caroline.]

Also if by tropes you meant settings, Like AU's, literally anything works, I have a personal bias for Crime AU's when it comes to enemies to lovers, and Canon is the ultimate enemies to lovers AU, but honestly you can use which ever one you want, I am not entirely sure myself if I have a specific preference here, AH, Fantasy, Supernatural, Scifi, it's all good.

[I however am not extremely fond of Historical Settings]

Again you are not required to follow any of these tropes at all if you don't wish to, I just require you to have a lot of fun writing and love the beauty you write yourself first!

Side pairings:

Ok I LOVE me some Kennett [kol + bonnie] but I also LOVEEE kolenzo [Kol and Enzo], I also am extremely just *heart eyes* at Bonenzo [Bonnie + enzo], but I absolutely DIE for Kennettzo [which is OT3 of Kol Bonnie and Enzo]

Kalijah is also a-ok w me, and I feel like I dont have any other side pairings I'd like die to see I guess. If you choose not to go with these side pairings its perfectly alright.

Caroline Friendships:

Ok this I can answer without rambling like an idiot, I love love love love :

Bonnie + Caroline [like i love this so much it physically hurts me, they both deserve so so so much better]

Kol + Caroline [I will literally touch a frog, and I have a phobia of frogs, to have one full conversation w these two idiots]

Enzo + Caroline [Honestly enzoline brotp makes me wanna sob happy tears bc they are so perfect together]

Katherine + Caroline + Rebekah [bad bitch meets head bitch meets super bitch, what could possibly go wrong]

Tropes and Pairings I dont like:

NOTPS:

Kolvina, stebekah, delena, stelena, datherine, steferine, Haylijah, Marcel+Rebekah, Matt+Rebekah, Bamon, Kai+bonnie, beremy.

And I think that's about it? mostly I just hate elena stefan damon and hayley and I am not fond of them w anyone, I hate all canon Rebekah relationships, and I dont like seeing Bonnie with anyone other than enzo or kol.

Tropes:

I am totally not fond of the Kill Liz for plot reasons trope, like seriously killing Caroline's mom is not ok w me, but I am totes fine if she's like already dead as part of Caroline's backstory, just don't show me Liz dying in the story as a part of the plot.

Any form of sire-bond-y or like sire-bond adjacent or like any form of deal/bargain/agreement that gives Klaus even a tiniest bit of power over Caroline's free will and choices, is just not for me, like at all, no matter how well it's done, I can't stand it.

not fond of any form of prisoner/hostage tropes, like klaus kidnapping caroline or caroline kidnapping klaus and holding each other hostage and stuff like that.

Death as a plot point doesnt work for me? and really I'd prefer if there were no major character deaths at all.

Friends to lovers trope is not for me, childhood friends to lovers trope is definitely not for me.

I don't like any sort of redemption arc really, anything that starts with Klaus as a “bad” dude and ends with him being a relatively “good” dude is not for me.

Any form of infidelity, like ofc especially in between Klaus and Caroline is just [shudder] hard pass, but like I also hate it when Caroline or Klaus cheat on anybody at all.

Also all the tropes and like themes I'm not comfy w that I mentioned in my original Gift Request still stand.

KC Pairing Pet peeves

ok This I can answer easily bc I have like a FEW,

I hate a woobified Klaus so much, like so much, I hate all TO!Klaus characterizations but this one is the worst, absolutely not here for it, I am not here to feel sorry for this mf I want to feel really deliriously GIDDY at how evil he is and how whipped he is for Caroline, but like concentrating on Klaus's manpain is not something I really wanna read.

Caroline excusing Klaus's bullshit, or like being a push over-y “it's ok, I understand why you did it” person is not for me, bc she never was one to begin w, she never did rationalize or justify Klaus's behaviour, she always held him accountable and told him what a difficult son of a bitch he is every chance she got.

I don't like arcs where Caroline is Klaus's redemption? like Caroline bringing Klaus into the "light" or whatever I am not here for it, like at all, I like Klaus staying evil while being endlessly in love with Caroline, and Caroline being able to be w a man she knows is a selfish evil ruthless grade A asshole, but will literally also choke himself to death for Caroline, cuz the man is whipped as fuck.

I also absolutely am not a fan of arcs where like Caroline remains "pure" or whatever, like that's just not for me, I am totally fine, actually MORE than fine for ruthless Caroline who is willing to do deplorable shit to get to her goal and protect her people, like Caroline being extremely almost evilly pragmatic just gives me a boner, and pretty sure gives Klaus one too. Klaus "protecting" Caroline's so called innocence is uh off putting for me personally. And her remaining this pure white light princess of good and Klaus being attracted to the *good* in her is um, nope.

Smutty Preferences

Honestly I’m very easy when it comes to smut [and u totally dont have to write me any if you dont want to]

I do not like:

non con/dub con, anal sex, Strict and/or elaborate Bdsm themes, [light undertones are ok], drunk sex, sex that’s basically infidellity [like caroline/klaus cheating on someone else w each other] , gagging, choking, Extremely rough emotionless sex, sex as a bargain, or as a part of a bargain.

Smut preferences:

I like reading oral sex, especially Klaus going down on Caroline

light bondage like being tied up [either Klaus/Caroline I enjoy both]

Sex toys are really really good, like love reading Klaus using one on Caroline, or Caroline using one on herself and Klaus watching

I do have a special love for praise kink, especially Klaus being really just in awe of Caroline during the do and expressing it uninhibitedly

Dirty Talk is GREAT

I enjoy both Klaus and Caroline in a dominant role, but I usually love it when both of them share the dominance equally, I’m just not into “Yes master” and “Yes mistress” level of dominance. I guess the word I’m looking for is Vanilla dominance lmao.

Bloodplay is also great if they're vampires.

And Klaus and Caroline leaving marks on each other is *swoon*.

I love reading possessive!klaus and possessive!caroline in equal measure so really your choice.

Hot and Dirty sex with a an undercurrent of emotion and devotion, want and need and all that nice stuff is great!

But I do have a list of words I’m not really a big fan of coming across when I’m reading smut:

Any word for vagina that’s not wetness, or folds or lips, is squicky, cunt is not a problem, pussy however is squick.

Clit is clit; little nub, bundle of nerves, all of that makes the med student in me really anxious lmao.

Any word for Cock that’s not cock is squick.

Juices, cream, semen are squicky, I just prefer come or release.

Ok these are seemingly innocent words but moist, engorged, gaping, drooling, sopping are not words I like seeing in context of smut.

So yeah that’s about it, I know hi, it’s been what, eleventy bajillion years since the beginning of this ask, I am so so so sorry for being this difficult, and really, LIKE SERIOUSLY, except for my squicks you are more than welcome to just skip past everything else, since I’m not really that hard to please, as long as the no-no’s are not there in what I read and the dynamic I asked for is even just vaguely followed I will be really really really happy and really I just want you to have fun writing whatever you feel like cooking up, I’m superrrr excited to see your interpretation of my request!!!

[Also Please please send me another ask clarifying you got my answer and also telling me I haven't frightened you with this long ass rambling list of okay’s and no-no’s bc honestly I am just anxiously debating if I should answer this ask like this or yeet half of it and vaguely rewrite the answer.]

Hope you have a great day lovely!! I am once again sorry for being this difficult. ✨💖🤝🏾

#kc sweet swap #anon ask

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meanminyxrd · 3 years

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punchdrunk but it’s andreil based

hey losers i’m back with another song analysis, as always. i have a playlist for my andreil vibes if you’re curious, here it is. i actually have a lot but this one is for my slightly sad yearning andreil vibes.

anyways, today we are covering punchdrunk by vaines. i really really enjoy this song for them and i hope i can covey it!! let’s go (:

I remember driving your car 'cause I never had one

And if I did I probably would’ve crashed it

And if I died who would’ve cared?

Maybe you would cry sometimes

Maybe you would just be fine

Because I know we weren’t in love

You just wanted to pass the time

(And that was alright)

the first line of this is pretty black and white. neil driving andrew’s car <3333 that’s it that’s the tweet. when he’s saying he’d crash one if he had his own its because he has to destroy a lot and leave stuff behind because of his past. he constantly is working to hide his past from the FBI. furthermore, he thought he was going to die for the majority of the books, and when he died, who was supposed to care? he had no one. it was this ‘me, myself, and i’ mentality because that was what kept him alive. he was constantly in danger, and when he was with andrew that’s why he made him take away the promise; he didn’t want andrew hurt because of his actions. by saying ‘maybe you would cry sometimes, maybe you would be just fine’ shows how he doesn’t think andrew actually cares ab him because 1. neil is an oblivious fuck and 2. andrew is a raging tsundere. andrew is always like ‘i dont like u’ blah blah, explaining the line ‘because i know we weren’t in love you just wanted to pass the time’ but neil was okay w it; ‘and that was alright’

I got it bad and I feel so lonely

Thought I wanted love I just wanted you

Now we’re together but you don’t even know me

But I’m stuck, what am I gonna do?

uhhh, like, poor fuckin neil man. he really had it bad for this man i really dunno how he survived when andrew was in the mental hospital HAHA. but fr he must have been so lonely, never allowing himself to make attachments, and then he makes this really skewed one with some midget maniac and then that same man goes to a hospital. that can’t have been a fun time (and it wasn’t).

‘thought i wanted love i just wanted you’, god, i love this line. remember when he looks at nicky and matt to see if he feels anything different? sees if he feels attracted to them, but he doesnt? he thinks he’s just craving affection after all this time, but no, its andrew he craves, it’s andrew he wants and chooses.

‘now we’re together but you dont even know me’ this motherfucker is living behind this silly ‘neil’ persona for a time when he’s with andrew and andrew only has this red headed man built of half truths. ‘now im stuck, what am i gonna do?’ he can’t run away like he’s used to because now he cares about andrew and he’s promised to stay.

Guess I’ll stick around

Being with you is only making me feel

Like I’m further from you then I’ve ever been

But I’m right there when you call me 'cause I’m so lonely

I don’t wanna bring it to an end

now, neil stays because he promised andrew he would, and andrew makes him feel so different and special and happy. but also while he’s with andrew he feels so far away because he isn’t being himself and andrew keeps denying whatever this,,, scuffed relationship is. but whenever andrew initiates contact, asks him yes or no, tells him to meet him somewhere or do something, neil is THERE in a heartbeat because he’s so caught up with the idea of andrew and he doesn’t want what they have to ever end even tho he’s convinced it will, one day, come to that point.

I remember feeling so young

Nothing's gonna bring me down

And if you jumped I would’ve followed

All the way down to the bottom

Better days are over now

Everything is slowing down

And you still won’t say it’s love

You just wanna pass the time

Fine

being with andrew brings him up, makes him happy, makes him FEEL something. nothing was gonna take him away from that. he would have followed andrew anywhere because he quite literally trusted andrew with his life. but the good days are over, (cut to baltimore) he’s being fucked up by his dad’s men and he thinks he’s gonna die then (cut to post baltimore) andrew does all this shit for him but STILL says he doesnt care ab neil and he just wants to pass the time. and neil is like, fine, what the fuck ever. if this is just a cheap fuck then by god im going to enjoy it while it lasts. and he’s starting to think andrew might feel *something*, but there’s no confirmation that can be seen by our lovely oblivious lil man.

Don’t stop, I know that it’s not what

I want but I need somebody to be mine

Oh god, I can’t tell you what’s up

I’m so deep in punch drunk, dumb love

I don’t ever wanna wake up

he doesnt want to be tied down. trusting someone and staying in one place for a long time? no. no way. that’s not something that neil abram josten does. he does not stay, he does not trust anyone, and by god he does NOT fall in love. but he gets to a point where he needs andrew. all he can think of in the hospital is the foxes and andrew, god, ANDREW, the prick he’s fallen in love with and can’t get out of love with. and he begs andrew to let him stay (post baltimore, hotel scene) because he NEEDS to stay, he NEEDS the foxes but more importantly he NEEDS andrew. but he’ll leave if he has to. he’ll leave if andrew asks him to because he cares more about andrew than he does himself, but he can’t explain any of this to andrew, because he’s never felt this before and he doesnt know what he’s even feeling. he just knows that somewhere along the line he fell head over heels into this situation for andrew and god he doesnt think he’ll ever be ready for it to end.

Got me brainwashed, everything is hazy

Am I killing time? Are you killin' me?

Mind games daily, why do I let you play me?

Do you get high watching me bleed?

(Now I’m bleeding out)

this part, for me, is more so a cut to the first book when andrew is just fuckin manic 24/7 because of his drugs. he drugs neil (brainwashed, hazy) and kidnaps him. neil is so stressed out by this situation that he doesn’t know who is winning in this stupid war he has with this psycho midget (am i killing time? are you killing me?). we all know andrew joseph minyard LOVES to torment neil even when shit is chill so he plays mind games with him constantly, and neil just lets it happen, because that’s who neil *is*. nathaniel wouldn’t stand for this shit, but that’s not the personality he’s portrayed and he isn’t eager to break character; not yet. and andrew always is so damn HAPPY, no matter what, bc of the drugs (again, first book for this verse). so the ‘do you get high watching me bleed?’ is like neil being like, do u really enjoy watching everyone around you hurt?? are you actually happy with all of this?

Running in circles while you hurt me, guess I deserve it

'Cause I just keep on worshiping you again and again

And I’m there when you call me 'cause I’m so– *beep*

I don’t want the misery to end

this part is a little tricky to explain canonically, i guess, but i attribute it once more to andrew denying his feelings. nora never explains it in the books, but i know from experience that this is SUCH a confusing scenario to be in. to have someone acting like they care and speaking differently. and neil must have been so confused (running in circles) but he feels he deserves it because it isnt like he’s trying to leave or anything, and he’s always there when andrew asks because like it or not, he’s attached. even tho this confusion sucks sometimes, and the whole hearted belief he has that andrew really does not care hurts beyond belief inside, he buries those feelings because he isnt ready to let andrew go.

that’s pretty much all of it; can you tell i’m obsessed with andreil?? i just love them so much. they’re so special to me. like, i dont think either of them ever saw a relationship coming; it just happened, and that’s what is so inherently beautiful to me about them. it started with a kiss, a ‘yes or no?’ and escalated from there. neil expected one day andrew was going to get bored of him, just like andrew always said he was. but he never did. he never will.

so yeah!! hope u enjoyed xoxo see y’all soon <3

#aftg #song analysis #all for the game #andrew minyard #neil josten #andreil #playlists #songs #music

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tylerwritez · 3 years

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Tuesday, june 22 2021

I've noticed I'm getting "the shiverys" or "the twitchy" a lot today. Like every time I FEEL something I take a moment to violently tic.... every time I think about certain things I tic.... good things, bad things, things from an hour ago and things from years ago. Tic, tic, tic.

Also, I have... some stuff to explain. Its really no big deal, but you know me: I'll freak out about it anyway. Basically I dissed my friend (rightfully so) around the time that we had just met cos they did something that threw me off.

He saw it in my phone... NOW. it's not RELEVANT anymore and I've since redacted that criticism...and now I gotta explain it to him anwyays. Oh well. I'm good at this stuff. I can get myself outta any situation. I dont even know why I'm talking like this tho... it's not a "Situation" it's just smthn I gotta explain rq.

Oh, today's song recommendation is Spirit Crusher by Death. I'm a huge Death fan...

Also! I gotta study... for my replacement exam. How stressful. Its about photosynthesis, but like, it's not simple. We went DEEP inside those fucking leaves.

One sec, lemme hook up my IV tube

Not an ACTUAL IV tube... just my headphones. But since I'm so #emo, it might as well be a fucking IV tube with the way that I cant live without it.

Its 3:08 and I'm walking home now. I was upset last night but me and Star have made up now lol... it was thAt easy. I'm so defective, making shit hard when it doesnt need to be.

It's so hot out damn. Idk. I had school today, so I had Bio class... I ACTUALLY PAID ATTENTION for once. I had lunch with Star and her friend group, and I honestly kinda feel like they're MY friends now too, even just a little bit.

Actually, I used to rant about feeling lonely like all the time but now I have so many friends it's crazy they all keep inviting me places and it's like people WANT ME AROUND... idk. It makes me happy.

Today I gotta ask if tommroow after school I can go to Bee's house to watch Supernatural (famous homoerotic ghost show)

I should also add songs to Erin's spotify playlist for our picnic saturday which I still need permission to go to.

I gotta ask for Wednesday after school to watch Insidious with Jay which is apparently really good

Also hes the friend that I gotta explain stuff to... the DrAmA... the ThEaTrE....

Update my dad said yes to hanging out with Bee but first I'm gonna miss school to fix my broken brackets on my braces

Also turns out the house I THOUGHT we were moving into has substantial damage from shifting so... we aRENT moving there.

In case you didn't know, shifting is when like the house that's been built literally SHIFTS like it moves around.

Anwyays Jay just texted me... I'm gonna change into shorts since it's hot, set up my study area,.... and respond to him.

The time is 3:22 p.m.

Wish me. Luck.

Luck is plentiful! As it so often is in my risky, risky life.

I play my cards right. It's a learnt skill.

But also there wasnt much to explain since it passed already and was tiny anywyas.

XD so I've made up with the whole goddamn world by now.

Its 6:31, we saw 1 house. Only one. Its kinda hot out but I'm gonna bike now since we just had supper. I finally finished my homework... I just have to finish one mixed media piece as my final project for art!

Friday is my replacement. On photosynthesis and cell resp. We know this. But what I didn't mention, or I dont THINK I did, is that if I finish my art project before then I have the second block FREE!!! Me, Star, and her friend

A are planning to leave for second block and maybe get mint chocolate chip ice cream!

Also I might eat her out XD

Anyways idk. I hope I can bike tonight to call Jay.

I keep accidentally using people's real names here then having to correct it... I dont know how much i care about MY identity being discovered... but to have my friends doxxed would suck.

Man I feel bad abt saying fuck star last night cos we made up....

Wait we r looking at another house? Idk I'm in the car still waiting to go home

Oh wait no now we r goin home

Its 6:39... I hope I still have time.

I went biking, called Jay. Went home. Idk, friendly conversation... we talked more tonight and I also talked to my other friend A. Jay is... I LOVE HIM?? SO MUCH??? I feel so happy. Talking to him thinking about him seeing his STUPID FUCKING FACE JESUS. his eyes alone... I could stare at his face all day probably. I want to kiss him... hOLD HIS HAND... omg... huG HIM!!! Eofjwpxjwie he's so sweet like I can't even... and I'm proabably not good enough for him like. Wtf. Hes easily a 10. And I dont rate things outta 10. How tf do I end up with HIM? Doing stuff, as friends. Like wHAT. I guess I got lucky XD. He says he loves my personality and I'm hot XD ofc I dont see it myself. But like. JESUS CHRIST he could proabably easily pull whOever. XD me?

Whatever though. As long as we r together and stuff. I LOVE HIM A LOT. he said he loved me. Every time he says that it makes me so overly happy.

Maybe I'm just sappy and stuff.... whatever. I think it would be nice to be hugged by him.

Yeah I'm cheesy.

I'm sorta tired now so maybe I'm not writing the best.

I just keep thinkinf about love. Love is a muscle of evil suggestion. But how evil can it really be? I am just a human being and that is all. Everything else is applied. I am just a human being with soemthing in my heart that pulls me all over the place. Love is this strange thing because I'm fucked up and to be able to love without that fucked up part of me, without the damage... is this complicated, hard thing to do and I can NEVER tell if I'm doing it right but I know I'm DOING IT. I know I FEEL LOVE. And soemtimes it's such an intense thing like when you go to surf on a wave at the beach with ur belly but u hit it wrong and it's so big and overwhelming it washes over you and PULLS you down to the bottom and smushes your face into the sand and YOU CANT BREATHE jesus Christ it's like that.

Or maybe I just want to experience love as it should be felt.

Obviously all of my problems surrounding this Damage could be easily fixed if I went to therapy but. there are reasons I can't.

I LOVE a lot. Too much for my own good. Enough to hurt me, get me into trouble, etc etc but also... enough to liberate me. I LOVE. I love Jay. So much. LIKE. MY BRAIN ORBITS AROUND HIM CONSTANTLY THINKING OF HIM AND PRAISING HIM AND MWUAH HE IS SO LOVELY I BOW BEFORE HIM...

I think as much as I love, a lot of the times I tend to focus even more on BEING loved.

If I am told I am loved, and shOwN I am loved... it is one of the most powerful things. Especially since I was literally emotionally neglected in childhood... yeah. I feel like I'm always trying to fill that hole.

Not EVERY feeling I have is for that reaosn but sometimes, if you tell me you love me, show me you love me, hug me,... I'll like start crying,,, that's the childhood emotional neglect kicking in. If you call me #smol and #cute and say I look young and fragile which happens more often than you'd think XD, I know I'm not supposed to like that shit, so I act like I dont....but I do. Which is PROBABLY ALSO THE CEN 🤪 like whatever lol

Anwyays I'm fucked up

You see how quickly things become complicated in my mind?

Convoluted? Is that the word?

Whatever. I OVERCOMPLICATE THINGS COS I OVERTHINK THEM BECAUSE I'm LITERALLY MENTALLY ILL IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS. I'm not joking. I obviously have unresolved undiagnosed "issues"

I do Suspect things, though.

I can make a list

Maybe I shouldn't.

Maybe I will.

I shouldnt.

Whatever.

I used to hate when people brought up my self harm. I would actually panic. I still self harm but now? Now I'm fine with anyone talking about it as long as it's not an adult who can get me into trouble/force me into therapy over it. Because really? I kinda like having it mentioned. It's kinda validating and it's like hey... people can see that I'm sick.

I dont do it so people talk to me about it though. Dont get me wrong. If I did, I'd go vertically on the arms, not for suicide but so it healed and people would ask XD.

My scars are actually VERY hidden... cos I never intended for ANYONE to see. But for those who DO see them,,,, it's nice soemtimes to have people express concern.

I dont wanna be PITIED or anything, but idk I just think to myself "wow, they're CONCERNED... about ME... they arent angry or mean... they didnt yell at me or threaten me... they respect my autonomy and privacy...

And they CARE ABOUT ME..." and it makes me cry.

That's also the CEN.

I dont know. I just like when people express genuine concern. Even if they see and then just ask if I'm okay. That's all it takes cos then I go wow.

Its validating and irs lovely because finally people care... FINALLY PEOPLE CARE. FINALLY I GET SOME EMPATHY OR SYMPATHY AND NO ANGER.

Even just having them brought up tells me its noticeable enough

My brain does this thing where it thinks nothing bad that's ever happened to me was Bad Enough for me to be upset about.

And I dont know... its nice sometimes to be told shit like "omg that looks so bad" or to see that people who do see my cuts are somewhat shocked or revolted... it's nice because I go... "hey, it was bad enough for them..."

Or to have people comment on them with concern. Just ANYTHINT WHERE PEOPLE NOTICE IT AND ARENT ASSHOLES ABOUT IT IS VALIDATING.

Because I'm not used to that...

Because CEN

I'm. The worst perosn on the fucking planet.

I should kill myself.

I suddenly actually feel so self hating I do want to kill myself... oh god.

I ruin everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. What have I done. Like. Why. Oh god.

I'm just remembering when Star said my kindness seemed like an act. And how I've been called out for seeming fake like 2 other times.

DO I SEEM FAKE???? I DONT EVER PUT ON ACTS OF KINDESS.... CONCIOUSLY? but the very idea that I could be perceived that way...

Should I like not try to be nice or some shit?

Jesus christ she hurts my feelings even now when it was a long time ago.

But I cant blame her. I can't blame anyone for how i feel except my parents because they left me with fucking. Heart nerve damage or some shit.

I'm tired and now I'm sad too. Goodnight guys.

#JudeJournals

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kissmyapplejuice · 4 years

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Thoughts while watching the Frozen franchise

FROZEN

1) Did Iduna and Agnarr hear a single word that Grandpabbie said? Like seriously? This whole thing could have been avoided if they had just listened.

2) My heart breaks for Elsa. She’s all alone. Anna’s at least got their parents and servants...Elsa literally has no one. I’M NOT CRYING! YOU’RE CRYING!

3) I see you Weselton...I got my eye on you. Seriously, this guy was also bad news who ordered his men to kill Elsa and called her a monster, and YET NO ONE attacks people in the fandom for liking him. Insanity. AND THEN Elsa does little cute dance with his ice statue thing in Frozen 2....I don’t understand...

4) stunning. This movie is visually stunning.

5) I will now be singing Let It Go for the rest of the day.

6) I’m pretty sure that Kristoff is the only sane person in this movie. 7) Anna is the worst listener. Like hands down. In the whole franchise, she rarely listens and when she does, she immediately counteracts it and does whatever she wants to do anyway. There is a fine line between being determined and being a bully.

8) The trolls are shady af...don’t @ me. Fixer Upper is a big ol’ eyebrow raise.

9) My boy, Hans...he’s a big dumb. A little power crazed big dumb. But still a big dumb boy who is just dumb. 10) Wait...how did he exchange marriage vows with Elsa? The priest wasn’t there? Why does anyone believe that? It’s like the most obvious lie ever. 11) WHAT HAPPENED TO HANS’ BOAT?! He clearly leaves on the Frenchman’s ship, but like he OBVIOUSLY came in on his own ship cause you know he’s a prince...from his own kingdom...SO WHERE IS HIS SHIP!? 12) and Sitron...the horse is important too.

OLAF’S FROZEN ADVENTURE

1) Elsa’s dress...amazing.

2) nervously looks around because half these traditions are mine. 3) So. Many. Gloves. How can one person need that many gloves?! At some point, her hands stopped growing Also Sir Jorgenbjorgen...priceless.

4) Sven is over Kristoff’s shit.

5) FRUITCAKES CAN SURVIVE THE APOCALYPSE. IT’S PROVEN.

6) Poor Olaf. He’s just trying to help.

7) WHERE DID THAT BOX COME FROM, ANNA!? Seriously, it came out of no where, she had no where to store it while they were searching

7) Again....stunning. Visually stunning.

8) Wait... When We’re Together is totally retconned in Frozen 2...

FROZEN FEVER

1) snowgies

2) I headcannon that the snowball is filled with snowgies, and we get Papa!Hans who knows all the names of his snow children

FROZEN 2

1) I’m pretty sure this all happens on the same night of Elsa hitting Anna...what a crazy night....am I right?

2) AND THEN THE FIRE NATION ACTED! I’m sorry...it’s just, this is so Avatar the Last Airbender, and it just makes me giggle

3) King Runeard is full of shit...also why is Disney into the whole SURPRISE villain in the franchise? It’s not fun when you do it the second time. Also, it’s just not fun to do anymore (especially when you keep doing it badly).

4) How can Iduna listen to Agnarr say so many terrible and untrue things about her homeland? Like this probably isn’t new talk...she’s probably heard it from tons of people for years. That’s got to create so many terrible feelings within her.

5) some days I am Elsa. Some days I am Anna. But I know no one fall asleep that fast

6) This family is filled with track and field Olympians. Anna’s got sprinting and long jump. Elsa’s a star in the triple jump. ALSO ALL OF THEM DO PARKOUR (mad fucking jump skills)

7) The charades scene really hurt me. I am a firm believer that no one is irredeemable, and I’m not just saying that because I like Hans...it’s something I truly believe in my heart. AND TO JUST HAVE ELSA SAY IT IS A SLAP TO MY FACE. (myotpisntcrazyanditstotallycute)

8) also they changed the layout of the library...the door is in a different place. Continuity in sets is so unimportant Disney...JUST COME ON

9) ELSA’S ANXIETY IS NOT ABOUT YOU, ANNA! However, I would love a full version of Idina and Kristen singing All is Found. Literally, Anna keeps making a lot of things about her...Elsa’s self discovery, Elsa’s sadness, Elsa’s journey

10) THESE MOVIES ARE STUNNING AND YOU CANNOT CHANGE MY MIND!

11) the trolls puttin’ their SHADY selves into power...narrows eyes

12) Insecure, needy, and paranoid Anna isn’t fun. Or cute. She’s just annoying.

13) This whole water has memory theme is a stretch...

14) Olaf’s recounts are the best part of this film

15) In terms of cuteness of tiny animal sidekicks with Disney Morph>Bruni>Meeko>Pascal

16) I like how they don’t even question Elsa’s statement of them being Northuldra...they’re just like...yea sure guess you are.

17) IF THE FROZEN CAN MAKE A SHIP OUT OF THESE HONEYMAREN AND ELSA SCENES THEN I CAN SAIL MY SHIP WITH MY SCENES OF HANS AND ELSA....

18) NO YOU DON’T KNOW THE WOODS, KRISTOFF! YOU LITERALLY JUST GOT HERE! But this does segue into the most AMAZING song in this movie

19) Their parents are bad listeners and liars...

20) Ah the trailer scene...making Frozen 2 seem like it was going to be so deep and angsty, but that was not our reality.

21) Can we talk about the riding to Ahtohallan scene? Everything is in slow motions except Elsa, and it makes for a really weird visual trip. I don’t understand why they did it...and if they didn’t mean to do that, how did no one catch it?

22) STUNNING! S-T-U-N-N-I-N-G

23) The cold never bothered me anyway = freezes. NOT SO TOUGH NOW (just kidding please unfreeze my baby)

24) Kristen’s ability to make her voice break while singing is amazing. She kills me with emotion in Do You Wanna Build a Snowman? and in The Next Right Thing. She does it SO WELL.

25) This ending literally makes no sense...it will never make sense. Elsa, who has been described as a neat freak and highly organized, wouldn’t just go live in the woods with people she’s just met. NO SENSE! I know this ending probably happened because of Lee’s obvious favoritism towards Anna, but they could have made it made sense. ALSO where was Elsa during this whole “epilogue?” Seems super out of character.

OKAY. That concludes this post. I love Frozen and Frozen 2, but I can see the flaws in them. Frozen 2 lacked a lot of growth on both of the characters parts, but I can see that they were trying to show that self discovery and knowing your limits are important to growing as a person. They didn’t show that very well, but I can see it in the cracks. However, the biggest flaw in Frozen 2 is the fact the song Home is not a part of it. The song is amazing.

I can also like characters, but still see how their obvious faults. Like Anna, I relate to Anna on some levels, but I can also see how she is kinda the worst because she doesn’t listen and she’s a little selfish. Elsa’s got a lot of issues she’s gotta sort though, her inability to trust is a big one. I made this post because I have too much time on my hands and I’m avoiding editing. You can ignore this, but I hope it made you laugh.

My final thought...Disney just fucking ignores hair physics, and its starting to really bug me now that I’m older.

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burnt-tomato · 4 years

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“Soba ni ite Hoshii”

Hinata Shouyo x Reader

Introduction: Hinata has seen you as someone special, but couldn’t take the courage to say it out loud. He begged his team to help him out and give him a step up, but anything they adviced didn’t work out like they imagined it would. There was this upcoming school festival for Karasuno High. Will Hinata finally grab the chance to tell you or would it take him much longer to be ready.

Anime: Haikyuu!!

Genre: Fluff

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴

[“Hey y/n.”

“Mmmm?”

“You never knew what Soba no ite hoshii meant right?”

“Nah. You did tease me about it though.”

“Then I’ll tell you.”

“Will you really?”

“Yes. Y/n… Soba no ite hoshii!” Hinata blurted out loud without hesitation.

“? We’re you saying that to me? Because if it was, I didn’t understand haha. Sorry Hinata.”

“I’ll tell you, y/n… do you-”]

“Y/N!!” Hinata shouted your name while waving his hands and running towards you. “Thanks again for the meat buns you bought me yesterday. You’re a real lifesaver!”. Yesterday Hinata walked with you because your houses were close. He got really angry and told you he forgot his wallet at home, so you bought him some of his favorite, meat buns.

“Nah dude, don’t mention it! You don’t have to owe me even if I always buy you food after school”. He smiled widely and went to Kageyama, supposedly to discuss about their quick, which just ended with them bickering at each other.

Tanaka walked over to you and got close to your ears and whispered. “Hey y/n, mmmmmm is it just me or you and Hinata auhhhh… have gotten closer?”

“Hm? Well dUh. We walk to school together, we walk home together, we’re in the same grade, we’ve been friends since middle school, and were basically neighbors. Are you stupid?”

“THatS nOt wHat i mEanT- yknow what, nevermind” he said as he walked away to Daichi and spoke to him.

You noticed your phone ringing…

Unread Messages

Y/n where are You? I thought that you agreed to hang out with us after school today.

“Ah. Sorry. I forgot. I’ll be there, so wait for me.”

Are you with Hinata and his volleyball team again? You spend your after school hours there, so hang out with us for a chance.

“Fine fine. I’ll tell them that I have stuff to take care of. But ill only do this today.”

Thanks y/n!!

You looked up from your phone.

“Daichi-san, I’m really sorry but I have to go. I have some outside school things to take care of, but only for today! I’ll make sure to come tomorrow.”

“Oh y/n. Of course you can!”

“K guys! I’ll head out now.” You said as you waves your hand above your head and rushed out.

[♤: Even if y/n is gone, the story continues on even without her, and in this part the perspective is 3rd person to narrate everyone’s perspective]

The end of practice drew closer, and the boys went to their clubroom to change.

“Crap. Exams are drawing near, and after that, a 3-day festival, and after are the finals.” Yamaguchi said.

“Yeah…wait. E-exams? C r a p.” Hinata said

“Kshh, oooooh that’s gonna hurt.” Suga said

“N-nevermind! I’ll just ask y/n for help! She’s really smart and good in teaching, and she’s also really nice.” Hinata said

“Yeah. If you pass the exam period, you can still enjoy the festival.” Daichi said

“Hey Hinata. Since yknow, y/n has helped you alot till now, especially during exams right? So don’t you like, wanna repay her back somehow?” Ennoshita said

“Yeah, like inviting her to the festival and yknow, finally tell her how you feel, or something?” Tanaka said teasingly

Hinata’s cheeks grew bright red and instantly looked away. “Wha-? W-what are you s-saying?” He stuttered

“Oh c'mon Hinata, it’s hella obvious that you both like eachother. Anyone could tell, even the dumbest person we know can.” Suga said

“N-no I don’t! Besides, we’ve been friends for so long, she’s seen how stupid I am, so obviously she’ll never like me. I can’t even gather up the courage to tell her, heck, I don’t even know how to set the right time to let her know!” Hinata said

“Mmmmmm…. then.. we’ll help you out! How ‘bout asking her to teach you? So if you confess by then, you both would have fUn together at the festival. Or at least hint it, yknow?” Nishinoya said

“During a study session? Noya that’s like the worst time to tell someone your feelings. This is why Kiyoko doe- u r g h-” Noya screams at the top of his lungs to overlap what Suga was saying

“Mmmmm… I’m not sure about this. I can barely stay focus when with her.. maybe we- I shouldn’t.”

“Dumbass. If you won’t do it now, when will you? You’re just gonna sit there till she finds someone else? If you really don’t want to lose her, then at least make your move now. One day you’ll regret not telling her if you don’t, so get moving and let us- I mean tHEm help you.” Kageyama said wow some actually good advice from kags. How rare.

“Wow. Who knew? Kageyama can actually say stuff that are helpful?”

“K r00d.” Kageyama snarled

“Heh. Fine. Since you’re all willing to help, I guess the least I can do is set your plans to work.” Hinata said.

“Ok. Since we’ve been planning for this day since the time you introduced y/n to us, we have a plan in mind already. Care to say it Suga?” Daichi said

“Ok. Y/n sucks at Japanese right? So here’s what you have to do….. did you get that?” Suga asked

“Mmmm… yeah. Kinda” Hinata said

They all called it a day and went straight home.

You were about to sleep when you heard your phone buzz, revealing a message.

Ah. Y/n. Sorry for messaging you this late

“Mmm Hinata? No no it’s Fine! What’s up?”

Well I’m pretty sure you have like alot to do and I’m just being a bother because I always ask you about this buuuuttttt

“Mmmmmm it’s about the exams isn’t it? It’s fine! I’ll help you study, and you can even bring Kageyama too, maybe Noya-san and Tanaka-san too.”

Haha yeah. I forgot that your knowledge is actually advanced, so you’re capable of teaching upperclassmen.

Hinata told Tanaka and Nishinoya, as well as Kageyama and Yamaguchi what y/n told him. This boosted the chances of their plan and to offer Hinata support.

3 days till exams, 4 days till the festival, and 7 days till Finals. Goal, to carry out the plan before Finals comes.

Hinata and the others were able to come to your class during breaks and free periods and study hours.

“So y/n, you sucked at Japanese literature, right? Even if you speak Japanese, it’s hard for you to actually write what certain words say.” Kageyama asked

“Ah, yes that’s true lol. But isn’t that the subject that Hinata’s good at? That’s why I asked him to teach me that” you said

As time went by, you all continued to share learning and understandings, plus you were able to help even the second years alot.

“Ah, Hinata! What does Soba ni Ite Hoshii mean?”

“Mmmmm… that means-oW” Hinata said, surprised. Tanaka gave him a soft kick on the leg and shot him a look. “Are you stupid Hi- ah- y/n? Everyone knows that!” Tanaka exclaimed.

You pouted. You were confused as to why they didn’t tell you what it meant but teased you instead. But that didn’t bother You, you wanted to focus on studying and to pass your exams to be able to enjoy the festival with your friends.

2 days till exams, 3 days till the festival, and 6 days till Finals. Goal, to carry out the plan before Finals comes.

“Y/n!!!! How tf do you do that Pythagorean theorem nonsense whatever that shit is again??”

“Oh! Tanaka-san! I’ll teach you, you do this and that then you do that” (♤: ok like I can’t describe how this theorem stuff works so I ain’t using my time to Google it and copy paste it here lmao)

“Psstt! Shou, what’s Soba ni ite Hoshii meaannnnn??” You asked. “Hmmmmm… I’ll tell you if you buy me 10 meat buns for the entire year.” He said. “GeEz fInE u d0nT hAvE t0 tElL mE” Damn Shou be bullyin you nowadays.

“I’ll tell you after exams” he said as he half smiled at you. “0r mAyBe n0t”. Damn Shou be savage.

Tomorrow are the exams, 2 days till the festival, and 5 days till Finals. Goal, to carry out the plan before Finals comes.

“Hey y/n, after school today, want to stop by Ukai-san’s shop and buy some meat buns?”. “Shou we always stop by there and I’m the one paying for our food.”

“Ok guys. Tomorrow are the exams, so show me how much you’ve learned from me by passing the exams so we can enjoy our 3-day festival to rest up before finals”

After studying together with the others, you finally wrapped up and separated ways, with you stopping by the shop to buy some snacks then walking home with Hinata.

Today are exams, tomorrow is the festival, and 4 days till Finals. Goal, to carry out the plan before Finals comes.

Time seemed slow. The entire class remained quiet, but deep inside, everyone was panicking. Today is the day of exams. Today is the day that’ll determine who gets to enjoy the festival and who won’t. It was obvious in the atmosphere surrounding the school that no one dared to make a single sound.

“Time’s up class, pass em in. The results will come out by the end of the day, but for now, turn to page 345 of your Mathematics textbooks and answer the 50-item Chapter Review there.” The teacher said. You all watched the teacher’s every step as she exits the classroom. Once she closes the door, everyone breathed out a huge sigh of relief. You could hear everyone talking to one another, transferring seats, and talking about how hard the test was and what challenged them the most, but all you thought was I wonder how Shou and the others did… I hope they pass so that we can all enjoy the festival together.

Hours and hours passed by. You couldn’t take it. You were minutes away from hearing about the results, and everyone was scared shitless. Everyone was restless, and you were sure that the only thing in everyone’s minds was I hope i pass, even if I get the exact passing grade, just let me pass.

The teacher came in, carrying cards that probably contains your grades and how well you did. No one dared to breathe a single sound. Everyone barely moved. Everyone seemed to be stuck on their chairs, all eyes are focused unto the teacher’s hands.

“Well start with the students at the back row, once I call your surname, stand up and retrieve your grading cards. We’ll start with… Nichiiyama…”

Nichiiyama stood up, his movements were stiff and his hands were shaking as he held his card, and quietly made his way to his chair. The teacher continued calling students’ names, until she called yours. You stood up stiffly, making your way to the front desk and held up your hands and- “Good work y/n.. You scored the top grades in the class. Continue your good work, alright?” The teacher whispered into your ear and patted your back. As you walked back, you opened your card and saw that your grades were either 1 or 2 in every subject. You sighed when a huge wave of relief came over you. The only thing you’re worried about now is how Hinata and the others did.

“Aaanddd that’s all of You. Those who didn’t make it, you’ll be spending your 3-day break in Supplementary classes to retake your tests and pass, but those who passed, you’re free to enjoy the festival as you wish. That’s all for today, and let’s see eachother next week.” The teacher bowed and made their way to the door. Everyone started to pack up, chatting with eachother about how they did, or who passed. “Hey y/n, did You pass?” Your friend asked. “Yeah I did, how about you?”. “Man, I barElY made it, yknow? My scores were a solid 42 and around 40s, and my grades were Like, 3 and 3.5! I was lucky to make the 40-grade mark. Btw y/n, do you want to hang out after school today?”. “Ah… I’m not sure… I have to stop by the club today, but I’ll catch up with you.”

You rushed out of the classroom and to the gym. You arrived to the clubroom with the 3rd years inside already, and Ennoshita, Kinoshita, and Narita. “Oh hey y/n, you’re here early. Your students aren’t here yet, but they should be arriving soon” Narita said. You waited and waited for them while playing animal crossing on your phone.

“Y/n!! Y/n!! We passed! We fuckin passed! How in the world did I passs??”. Tanaka said running towards the room, teary- eyed. “Idiot! It’s all because y/n helped us!” Noya said, smacking Tanaka’s back. “Yeah, it’s all thanks to you, y/n. We’ll be able to enjoy the festival because of your work. Even I passed all of the exams.” Kageyama then bowed. “Ah- no you don’t need to thank me! I didn’t do much, you should thank yourselves, for working hard to pass! All I did was help you get there.” You said. You turned to look for Hinata and hear about his results. “Heh. Yeah. Thanks so much y/n, we passed because of your help. So uh… because of your help and all uhm.. I wanted to somehow repay you and stuff..” Everyone turned their heads to Hinata and you, somehow expecting something or an answer. “What is it Shou?” You asked. “Well uh.. I was thinking that since you helped all of us and personally you help me alot everyday I was wondering if you wanted to come to the festival with me.. I mean all of us ofcourse!” He said shyly, his cheeks heating up a bit and fiddling with his fingers. Everyone looked like they were gonna laugh and some were smiling widely. “Ofcourse I’ll go! I was planning to anyways, but I gotta go right now since my friends and I are going out for a bit, so I’ll meet you all by the entrance tomorrow! See ya.” You said as you rushed out of the room and met up with your friends. As you left, Hinata looked like he was about to faint and exploding.

Geh. I’m too early.. we all agreed to meet up by 3pm.. and look at this, it’s only 1:30pm and I’m already here. Guess I should walk around for now till they come-

“Y/n?” You were surprised to see the 3rd years standing by the entrance, along with the 2nd years and the 1st years, except one person..

“Why isn’t Hinata with you, y/n? Aren’t you 2 neighbors?” Ennoshita asked. “Mmmm, his mom said he might get there late and told me to get along, so I decided to wait for him here.” You told them.

“Crap.. If Hinata doesn’t show up, what’s the point of doing all this?” Tanaka whispered to Suga. “Don’t say that, we just have to do as we planned. I’ll call Hinata to check up on him.” Suga whispered. “I’ll go over there for a while to call someone, k?” Suga walked over by the trees and took out his phone and dialed Hinata’s number.

“Hinata, where are you?”

Suga-san? Oh sorry, I didn’t feel well when I woke up… My mom said that I should rest, I’m really sorry… you all planned for this day, but I blew it, just because of a godDAMN fever-

“Nono it’s fine Hinata. Don’t apologize, I understand, these stuff happen unexpectedly, but it’s not like you lost your chance, alright? Remember, this plan is full proof and we have 3 days of the festival! Although I’m not sure if you can heal up by Then, but we’ll have to hope for the best. Just, rest up right now ok? So you can catch up.”

Alright Suga-san. Bye.

Suga puts down his phone and walks over to where the others are. “Well, Hinata wouldn’t make it today… he’s gotten a fever. But he said that he’ll try his best to make it tomorrow though! So let’s enjoy this day and hope that he feels better, especially with Finals coming up soon.”

Damnit Shou. You’re the one who invited me, then you’re the one who wouldn’t make it.. sigh.. I’ll just drop by your house later I guess… I do hope that he’ll feel better soon, I wanted to tell him something and decided that the festival would be nice…

Despite Hinata’s absence, you all tried to enjoy the festival. Checking out every stall, entering games and winning them, and eating with the team. You decided to bring Hinata a stuffed crow you won at one of the shooting games, and to stop by a convenience store to buy him some food.

“Alright guys, we’ll all meet by here tomorrow at the same time, if you can. But we’ll all be there at the last day of this festival, okay? On the 3rd day there’ll be a fireworks showcasing, and i think that’ll be fun and calming so all should be present by Then, but for now, all of you go home and rest.” Daichi said. Everyone began to separate ways, including you. You walked lazily, not used to walking at night alone. Looking up at the sky, you remembered how you and your friends always went out stargazing during cold winter nights like this. Even if you were wearing a yukata that travelled along your feet, you could still feel the cold air breezing through. After stopping by the store to buy some food, you started walking up the mountain road towards home. You were cold and freezing. You were lonely.

“Walking home at nights like this without anyone to talk to sure is lonely.” You let out a little chuckle afterwards.

“It sure is. Why didn’t you call me that you were heading home? I could’ve walked with you.” You jolted. You were sure that you were alone while Walking, but as you faced infront of you, you saw Hinata in his pajamas, holding a jacket. “Here. You must be freezing.. Sugawara told me that you all went home, so I tried to get out to bring you home, but Natsu insisted me to stay. I had to give her one of those ‘Play with Sister for 1 hour Coupon’ just so I can leave lol.. ah! You must be freezing, here, wear this.” He said as he put on the jacket on you. You felt safe and warm, and complete with him. You both shared chars and laughs as you walked, which reminded you from when you were middle schoolers.

The next day you called Hinata’s house number, but his mom was the one who picked up, saying that he wouldn’t be able to come again, but he was feeling a little bit better. You thanked her and dropped the phone. He’s still not healed up yet, huh? What should I do for today? If I go to the festival, it would be boring because we already experienced all of it yesterday, and plus Hinata wouldn’t even be able to come with us..

Since you weren’t feeling like doing anything productive today, you just slept till afternoon.

“Shit-! I slepT an entire day? Is it seriously the last day of the festival?? I only planned to sleep till afternoon, so how is it the next day already?? Geh, fuck that. I should just get changed to meet up with the others. Especially that today is when all of us should be present..” either way, you got up and got dressed. After getting ready, you found yourself standing infront of Hinata’s doorstep. I probably shouldn’t disturb him, he might still be resting. You decided to go on alone.

You met up with the others and surprisingly-

“Hey y/n..”. You saw Hinata standing infront if everyone. “Sorry I didn’t tell you that I decided to go on ahead. I wanted to sorta… surprise you I guess…haha” Hinata said with a short laugh. “It took awhile, but when he called up on me, he said that he was feeling a bit better, although he still has a bit if his fever.” Yamaguchi said

You were really happy that you’re able to spend the last day of the festival with him especially so that you could finally tell him.

You spent the entire day playing games, eating in every stall, and watching the band’s perform. You all had an amazing time together. Suga and Daichi trying to contain Tanaka and Noya, Ennoshita, Kinoshita and Narita all sitting in a bench calmly, Tsukki and Yams playing with the fish thing, yknow… the one ripoff game where you catch fish using a paper on a handle thing but the fish wouldn’t survive an entire month, Asahi and Kiyoko looking at souvenir shops, while you and Hinata, long with Kageyama, go around eating everywhere.

Finally, 8pm came around. The fireworks were said to start at 8:30, so you all decided to get a spot to put a tent on so you could all wait.

Hinata was with Tanaka, Noya, Kageyama, and Suga. “C'mon Hinata, now is nOt the time for you to back out! This is finally the moment you can tell her!” Suga said. “Yeah! Shouyo, this is now or never, if you don’t do it now, then when will You? Noya asked. “You don’t want to lose y/n right? Then take it now.” Kageyama said.

Hinata wasn’t sure. All he could thing was what if she doesn’t feel the same? If I told her and turns out it isn’t mutual… wouldn’t that make our friendship awkward? What if confessing just break the history we had? What if-

“I’m sorry guys… I’m… just not sure I can. What if she doesn’t feel the same? Then that would just ruin everything… maybe we should give this more thought…” Hinata sighed. “Yeah But.. Hinata what if-”. Suga was cut off by Hinata standing up. He smiled then said “Its alright… if she does find someone… then I’ll support her whole- heartedly.”

He stood up and walked over by the trees. “Hinata wait-”

He sighed. “Heh. What was I thinking? Actually hoping that if I confess, it would work out? She probably doesn’t like me at all honestly..”

20 minutes passed by. No one could find where Hinata went. “Suga! Dis you check any of the stalls?” “Yes we did! But he wasn t there! I don’t think he’s at the festival anymore..” “maybe he went home already?”

You helped everyone search for him. What was he thinking? Wandering off like that out of nowhere.. Dammit Shou! Where are You? You saw a trail of footsteps towards the forest. You thought that just maybe, he might have went there..

You walked through… and as soon as you saw light, you saw..

“Shou?” You asked quietly. He froze for a minute. When he turned around to face You, you noticed that he had tears running down his face.

“H-hey Shou… why are you- are you alright?” You asked. You walked towards him slowly

“Y/n… I uh.. I’m sorry for disappearing so suddenly.. I didn’t mean to- i-” he stops. “I wasnt-” he pauses. He quickly wipes his tears and plaster a huge smile on his face

You instantly run up to him, and throw you arms around him, hugging him tightly. “Idiot. At least tell me if you’re going to disappear like that..” You release.

“Haha.. yeah.. sorry about that..”

Crap.. is it almost 8:30? We better get back to the others before we miss the firewo-

Just as you were tugging his shirt, signaling that you both go back, he grips your arm.

“Maybe we should stay. The view is nice out here.” He says with a soft voice

“Yeah.. but what about the others?” You asked. “They’ll be fine.. since you haven’t come back yet it’s obvious that you’ve found me already.” He says. You both stood next to eachother waiting for the fireworks. Hinata stood silently looking at the sky with a wide smile on his face.

“Its been a while since we went stargazing..” he said. “Ah. Haha yes it has..” You said. There was a moment of silence and awkwardness. You wanted to break this unstoppable silence covering the two of you-

“Hey y/n.. have I ever told you what Soba ni Ite Hoshii meant?”

“Mmmmm… nah. You all teased me about not knowing it though..”

“Then I’ll tell You, right now..”

He takes a deep breath then.. “Y/n! Soba ni Ite Hoshii-!” He takes a few steps back, trying to process what he has said without thinking.

“What? A sorry Shou… I didn’t really know what it means lol… Maybe if you can tell me in English?” You laugh nervously.

“Fine.. y/n.. I-”

You could hear the fireworks blasting off with your left ear. You both stood firmly from where you where standing. The fireworks were loud, loud enough to overlap what he meant. But You heard him loud and clear. What he said caused your heart to skip a beat. You couldn’t process properly what you had heard. You thought that you were somewhat dreaming.

You both stood in silence, both yours and Hinata’s faces were red. You were speechless.

“Shou.. i-”. “I get it y/n.. it’s not the same huh? Maybe we should just stay as friends.. or if that’s too awkward for you-” he pauses. He turns back, waving his hand to signal you that you both should go back.

But I haven’t given him my answer yet…

You grip his arm, jerking him towards you. “Shou please listen for a while..”

You told him everything you’ve hidden since God knows when. All you could think was this is it. This is now or never. There’s no backing out now. If i don’t tell him now, when will I? I don’t want to lose him. You were speaking in a hushed tone, your face heating up, your heartbeat growing faster and faster, but you knew that you shouldn’t stop. You didn’t.

After you told him, you tried to avoid eye contact. He pulls you closely, your faces drawing nearer eachother. You felt his hands tightly behind you back, yours on his. His face resting in your shoulder, beside your face.

“Does this mean we-”

“Dammit Shou, don’t make it more awkward than it is already” you laughed.

“Hahaha yeah… but we should really go back to the others now y/n..” He said. “I guess we should lol.” You hold his hand tightly as you both walked towards your team.

“Congrats on your win at the Finals, Shou.” You giggled as you both walked home. “Thanks y/n, but I wouldn’t have done my best without you watching us.” He says. “Damn, since when have you been romantic?”. “Shut up.” Hinata says looking away.

“Hey y/n… stay with me always, will You?”

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴

The cringe is unbearable in this one lol. Sorry for the late post and for being wAy t00 inactive lmao. It took me some time to decide what I’m doing first but I finally finished this lol.

Feel free to send in requests for hcs, scenarios and oneshots!

-♤

#haikyuu #haikyuu!!#Hinata shouyo #fics #Hinata x Reader #♤#I accidentally posted it early omfg

13 notes · View notes

meat-husband · 5 years

Note

Hgdhsvd if it's ok could I request a continuation of the realistic bubba stuff? It's just so 👌👌👌 ur writing is hella gucci

This is so long, I’m sorry, but I even cut stuff out to make it work a little better lol. It’s like six pages in docs so hopefully it’s not too obnoxious without a cut!

This is part three, here is part one and part two! You don’t really need to have read them, but it might be a little confusing otherwise.

“Is this really necessary?”

Your words are muffled through the sweaty shirt that had been forced over your head, sleeves tied around your eyes to form a makeshift blindfold. The heat of the day at its height was already torturous on its own, but the smelly shirt was just a small addition to the list of bad things happening to you right now. The whole house seemed to have a musty, sour odor that even the old shirt didn’t filter out. You only get a loud cackle in response, and you’re not even entirely sure that it’s meant for you.

“You realize that I already know where you live, right? Like, I’ve been here before,” you explain further, tilting in your seat to follow the noises around you. “So you don’t really need to cover my eyes.”

“D-don’t make no, no difference to m-me!”

He sounds almost excited about the kidnapping in progress, and you’re sure he’s got a big grin on his face right now. You want to argue the point, but it doesn’t seem worth it when the other party is clearly insane.

“Where’s Bubba?”

The other brother had been less enthusiastic about your kidnapping, but had followed orders to get you into the truck nonetheless. And, okay, maybe you hadn’t exactly put up a fight when the big guy had scooped you up into his arms, but this was still a hostage situation. You couldn’t tell once the shirt had been put over your head, but you thought he seemed a little nervous about the whole thing, whining under his breath during the ride here. If you could get a moment alone, you had no doubt he’d be willing to untie you from the chair you had been dumped into.

“Aw, y-you missin’ him already?” He laughs, and the noises stop for a moment before picking up again, louder than before. “He’ll be back soon!”

You frown under the shirt, but keep quiet. Admittedly, it was your silly crush on Bubba that had gotten you here, but this wasn’t exactly an expected outcome when you’d only been flirting a little. Maybe you had been a little forward, and he clearly wasn’t used to the attention, but you couldn’t stop yourself once he had actually shown up. You put this all down to whatever was very clearly wrong with the skinny one - when Drayton got back, you’d tell him off for sending the weirdo to your house instead of coming himself, and demand a ride home. You’d kick up a little bit of a fuss - he had waved a knife in your face, after all - but you figured the eldest brother’s wrath would be enough of a punishment without you adding to it. He had a bad temper on good days, so you were sure the anger was going to be biblical this time.

Loud footsteps from across the house signal the arrival of someone else, probably Bubba, but you wait for some kind of sign before you get your hopes up. The sounds travel down the stairs, getting closer until you hear them enter the room, a high pitched whine letting you know that your guess was right.

“D-don’t fuss!”

You hear shuffling, the sounds of shoes scraping the floor and something like fabric being ruffled. You have hope for a moment that they’re going to remove the old shirt covering your face, but the noises stay on the other side of the room and don’t get any closer.

“Leave i-it alone,” the brother instructs, sounding the closest to normal that you’ve heard so far. “It l-looks fine.”

Bubba replies in a quiet whisper, the words not quite reaching you. You had never heard him say so much as a word before, and neither had anyone else so far as you knew, but this was definitely him speaking.

“I, I said your face l-looks fine! Now, h-help pull that table over!”

You frown a little, wondering what in the hell they’re doing. You’re not sure what room of the house you’re in, but they didn’t take you up any steps after the porch so it was still on the first floor. Even though you’d come around once or twice, you had still never been inside the old farmhouse, so you couldn’t make a guess as to where you were. All the noise he’s been making so far hasn’t given you any idea about what’s happening either, other than the sound of furniture being pushed around and the small, clattering sounds of wood and metal. You listen to them moving things around for a moment, trying to figure out what’s going on.

“O-Okay, go and g-get grandpa, we’re almost ready!”

Bubba seems eager to do this task, rushing off with loud, thudding footsteps back up the stairs.

“Hey, uh,” you start, shifting a little in your uncomfortable seat. “If this is going to take much longer, can I get some water or something? It’s really hot in here.”

“Hush up!”

The snippy tone reminds you of Drayton, and you’re a little taken aback by how much they sound alike when they’re angry. A sudden pull on the back of your chair throws you off balance, the legs skidding over the floor as you’re dragged across the room. He turns you around and you rock in your seat, desperately trying to stay in it and not get dumped onto the floor.

“You’d b-better behave when g-grandpa shows up, or he’ll get u-upset!”

You wonder briefly how they had managed to hide an entire member of the family, you had never heard of an old man living here with them, but you give him an agreeable nod. The sweat on your face is making the dirty shirt stick to your skin and you really can’t wait for Drayton to get home and put a stop to this.

“Yeah, okay, best behavior, I got it.”

It’s not long before you hear Bubba returning, walking quickly and making soft noises under his breath. There’s the shuffling of something being moved around, both brothers across the room and fussing over whatever it is, before you hear another loud cackle. A hand on the back of your seat pulls you around again, this time not as far away but just as roughly, and you let out a loud, indignant squeal in surprise, drawing another laugh from the brother.

“Aw, a-are you flirtin’ w-with my brother again?”

He makes a few pig-like squeals of his own, snorting into your ear. You’re grateful that they can’t see your red face, but you keep quiet despite the taunt. You’re definitely going to throw a fit about this when Drayton gets home now. You can hear Bubba making a drawn out huff, perhaps embarrassed by his brother’s teasing, and the thud of his boot on the floor as he stomps his feet.

“L-let’s get this started, t-then!”

A rough tug on the shirt gets it halfway off your head, and you gulp down your first taste of air that hasn’t been filtered through the dirty fabric. It’s still hot and dusty, but you’re amazingly happy not to have the smell of sweat in your nose and mouth. A few more pulls and it’s finally free, your mussed hair now dirty and sticking to your face. You blink through the late evening sun, looking around quickly to take in where you are.

You’re in the dining room by the looks of it, and it’s absolutely filthy. Dirt and dust are everywhere, stains on the baseboards and walls that stand out against the pale, chipping paint. The table has been pushed against the wall to make room for a handful of different chairs, all placed in disorganized rows facing one side of the room, where you sit tied to your chair. The one closest to you is piled with what looks like old clothes, a ratty floral dress sitting on top. It’s all very disconcerting, but you turn to look at the brothers with a scowl on your face nonetheless, ready to express your displeasure. Before you can start in on them, though, the brother steps in front of you, sliding up close and blocking your view of the rest of the room.

“Hey!” He barks into your face, and you lean back even as he leans forward. “Y-you ain’t supposed to s-see the groom before the wedding!”

“The what?”

You’re sure you’ve heard him wrong, but the big grin spreading across his face makes him look all too happy to see your confusion. Leaning to the side, you try to look around him, but he pulls your head back by a handful of hair.

“I-, you can’t just… the what?”

“I heard you,” he starts, reaching into his pocket to bring out the knife. “You, you l-like him, I h-heard it.”

“Well, I mean-“

“S-so we’re makin’ a w-wedding!”

You hear Bubba chime in from behind him, a loud, howling cheer that his brother takes up as well, practically screaming into your face. He waves the knife around his head wildly, tugging on your hair and laughing. This has gotten out of hand real fast. Keeping your head pulled back by the hair, he turns to shout some directions at Bubba, shuffling in place as waits for them to be carried out.

“Get g-grandpa in his seat, we’re a-almost ready! Put him n-next to grandma!”

“Okay, you can’t do this,” you hear Bubba hurry to follow his orders, moving things around somewhere on the other side of the room, then coming closer. “You can’t marry people if they’re not willing.”

The hard edge of the knife is against your cheek before you finish speaking, the hand holding it trembling with excitement. You jerk away, but there isn’t anywhere else to go, and the sting of it tells you it’s broken the skin. A warm line trickles down the side of your face and you have to stop yourself from hissing in pain when he grinds the flat of the blade over the wound.

“Y-you like him,” he repeats, mouth twisting into a snarl. “You d-don’t, don’t wanna hurt h-his feelin’s, huh?”

“He’s cute, that doesn’t mean I want to marry him!”

“Y-you hear that, Bubba?” He calls over his shoulder loudly. “T-thinks you’re cute!”

Your face flushes red, half out of anger and half embarrassment, and you show your teeth in a snarl of your own. With a laugh he steps back, letting go of your hair and turning to survey the rest of the room. You finally catch a glimpse of Bubba, now changed into an ill-fitting suit that looks as dusty as the rest of the house, sleeves riding up his arms and clearly something that was passed down to him. His back is to you, bent over and messing with something, but when he steps away you can see what is apparently ‘grandpa’ - you’re not sure if he’s even alive, curled into an old wheelchair with his eyes closed and head on his shoulder. Bubba pats his chest and shoulders softly, straightening the wrinkled clothing and cooing. He moves him closer, parking the chair next to the one closest to you, and spares a few pats and mumbles for the old floral dress on it. You watch as he straightens the old garment, reaching up to brush away a tuft of wiry material at the top. With a mumbled whisper, he moves it aside, leaning down to place a quick kiss on the dry cheek of what you can now see is ‘grandma’. You’re a little horrified, mouth open in shock, but Bubba looks over his shoulder at you and you realize that this is all a lot weirder than you had first thought.

His face is a mess, smeared with brightly colored makeup that is only vaguely where it should be, and very generously applied. The mouth is a big slash of red that covers part of his cheeks, drawn into a messy shape that doesn’t look much like lips at all. It takes you a few seconds to realize that you’re not looking at him, though, but something covering his face. Someone else’s face. You can see his mouth and eyes, cut out shapes in the mask letting his real face peek through, smiling at you from across the room.

“What the fuck are you two idiots doing?!”

You’ve never been so happy to hear that voice, turning eagerly towards the noise. Drayton stomps his way into the house and you can hear the slam of the screen door behind him. You open your mouth to scream, to call him in so he can get his brothers in line, but Bubba sees you and rushes forward with a yelp. His hand covers your mouth just in time, muffling your words, and he keeps his grip firm despite your struggling. His brother runs out of the room with a loud swear, throwing his knife to the floor in frustration.

“Why’s that piece of shit generator in my truck? I told you boys not to go down there, didn’t I?”

You had completely forgotten about the generator, presumably still sitting in the flatbed of the truck that they’d parked outside. He must have met the brother in the hall outside the door, because you can hear them clearly as they argue.

“A-ain’t my fault, he w-wanted to go!”

“I told you both, we don’t need to be messin’ around with anyone else, gettin’ people snooping around. And I know that fool didn’t talk you into nothin’, you’re just stirring up trouble!”

Bubba whines as the shouting continues, shifting back and forth, eyes flicking between your face and the door. He seems to want to step up and defend his brother, but also to not want to give you the opportunity to draw attention. The noise only gets louder as they fight, until the door is flung open with a kick.

“Well then, y-you’re gonna b-be pissed when you s-see this!”

“Don’t you kick my damn doors, you-”

He stops short, face going slack as he looks into the room. It must be quite the sight, with you tied to a chair and bleeding from your face, Bubba keeping your mouth shut and squealing nervously next to you, and the rearranged furniture haphazardly scattered around. You’re sure that you look the worse for wear, sweaty and bloody, face red and desperate as you try to convey ‘help me!’ with your eyes. The secret is out now, so Bubba lets you go, stepping forward with slumped shoulders and hands out in surrender, babbling in a worried, high pitched tone.

“What is this?! I leave for a few damn hours and you’ve got the whole house torn up!”

“It’s a w-wedding!”

That response seems to throw him off, mouth opening and closing a few times. Drayton looks at you, then back and forth between his brothers, then back at you. You see the anger return in a flash, finger pointed at you as he scowls. He bypasses Bubba completely, coming towards you with a furious look on his face.

“Is that what you’re up to? You think you can just weasel your way into this family, like a-” He sputters for a second, trying to think up a suitable insult, “- like some kind of harlot?”

You’re almost in shock at his reaction, pulling at the ties around you for emphasis as you glare at him.

“I’m tied to a fucking chair, do you really think this was my idea?”

“There’s no call for that kind of language!”

He scolds you, nearly drowned out by the laughter behind him. He turns to the other two, Bubba still hunched over and trembling, the other looking positively delighted with a big smile on his face.

“And what in the hell were you thinkin’, lettin’ this go on? What’re we gonna do now, people will miss ‘em and they’ve seen your fool asses runnin’ around like that.”

He gestures violently towards Bubba’s face, the bigger man flinching back so hard that he nearly stumbles. He lets out a quiet noise, mumbling and pointing between him and yourself, then looking up at his older brother with a plaintive expression. You couldn’t make anything out of what he had said, but apparently the others had no problem understanding him.

“Yeah,” the middle brother adds, waving his arms around in a whirlwind. “S-see, Bubba agrees with m-me, we need a wedding! A-and, I already g-got everything set up!”

“Uh, no,” you cut in, leaning forward as far as the ties will let you and raising your voice. “Here’s what’s gonna happen - you’re gonna untie me right now-”

“Well,” Drayton says slowly, ignoring your input completely. “I guess it might solve our problem, if they was family they wouldn’t have no reason to go tellin’ secrets and such.”

“A-and they like him, too! I h-heard, they were f-flirtin’ when we w-went down this mornin’!”

He looks thoughtful for a moment, glancing at you but ignoring your protests. You huff and complain as he thinks it over, but it doesn’t seem like any of it reaches him.

“You know, it ain’t a bad idea. If they got shit enough taste to be flirtin’ with him in the first place, ain’t my fault if it leads to trouble.”

You’re astounded by this leap in logic, staring at him in shock. You had expected him to be the voice of reason, to tame his brothers and get you back home with a promise that it wouldn’t happen again, even if he acted grumpy about it. He should have come in and put a stop to this mess, not encouraged it.

The younger two brothers let out happy whoops and yelps, scurrying eagerly back into place next to you. Once he’s close enough, Bubba beams at you happily, patting the top of your head. You realize with a jolt that he’s probably the most sane, reasonable person in the room, and he’s the one wearing a skin mask.

“Holy shit,” you whisper to yourself. “This is not how I thought today would go down.”

#Slashers #Bubba Sawyer #Slasher x Reader #Gender Neutral Reader #drayton busts in on a shotgun wedding and hes just pissed about the furniture being moved lol #bubs got all fancy for u tho u cant leave him at the alter now :(#nubbins the matchmaker getting his bro SET UP #im sorry u called him cute thats pretty much askin for a kidnapping tbh :/#that ones on u #Anonymous

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cottonblush · 5 years

Text

promise me | lmh

❧ word count: 3,403 maybe?

❧ genre: fluff, one mention of a cut so like gore i guess

❧ notes: installment one of the skz powers au!! this one is kinda a drabble series?? also i’ve discovered i love the whole “i hate u” “u love me” thing a little too much but it’s not hurting anyone so yee to the haw my guys!

The first time Minho realizes he’s a gifted one, he’s on the rooftop of his apartment building, unclipping some extra laundry from the clothes line. The wind picks up all of a sudden and the large bed sheet he just unclipped comes flying at his face. He’s trapped, a tangled mass of fabric and limbs, the opaque sheets doing nothing to aid his vision.

The sheets seem to act as a pair of wings, lifting the young boy into the air. It’s just a couple of feet at first, but then he keeps going higher and higher, and Minho can’t get rid of the sinking feeling in his stomach.

When he finally manages to untangle himself and take in a deep breath, he makes the biggest mistake. He pries open his eyes and looks down. There’s no building below him now, just the apartment complex’s playground and park. It doesn’t help that he’s afraid of heights. In that moment, he feels like a cloud, yet he feels like the weight of the world is pressing down on his shoulders.

The fear overwhelms him, clouding his mind, and Minho starts to freefall out of the sky. He tries to scream but can’t seem to find his voice. All that’s left is the seemingly infinite supply of salty tears welling in his eyes and streaming down his cheeks.

In the few seconds it takes to fall, the world seems to slow down. Minho sees flashes of his past, though there’s not much since he’s only at the ripe age of eight years old. He sees his mom making him ramen with an egg on top for the first time; he sees himself in the mirror, small hands running over the scar on his stomach from a surgery he needed; he sees his friends gathering around him to show him the stray cat they found behind a dumpster; he sees you, his next door neighbor and best friend, on the first day that you two met, eyes wide and curious about all the world could offer.

He won’t get to say goodbye to you or anyone else, Minho realizes. He screws his eyes shut and hopes everyone will at least remember him in a good light.

And then everything goes dark.

“Minho,” comes your high pitched voice after what seems like an eternity, “what are you doing hanging from Mrs. Yang’s terrace? Hammocks are meant to be set up close to the ground, silly! And you can’t use a bedsheet. My daddy says you have to buy a special thingy for it.”

Thankfully, the universe has decided it just isn’t Minho’s time yet, and when he realizes this, the boy scrambles to try and get to the terrace.

“Y/n! Please, help! I don’t wanna be in here anymore.”

You run off, causing Minho’s heartbeat to skyrocket, but you return moments later with Mrs. Yang. The woman quickly sees how serious the situation is and cautions Minho not to move.

“I’ll come get you so stay put,” she says, moving quickly.

Once the boy is safely back on the ground, he can’t stop crying, snot and tears turning his once pristine face into a soppy mess. You take the boy into your arms and the two of you fall to the ground, remaining in a tight embrace. Even though Minho is a couple of months older than you, you know it’s no time to point it out and make fun of him.

Instead, you hold him tighter and hope that only good thoughts can reach him, tiny arms doing the best they can to support the taller and larger boy.

Mrs. Yang calls Minho’s mom and she rushes downstairs to get her son, worried expression softening when she sees him safe and sound. She starts to pry him away from you and pick him up in her arms.

Before he can get away from you, you stick out your pinky finger.

“Promise you’ll tell me what happened?”

“I promise,” comes the reply, a matching pinky finger hastily wrapping around your own to seal the deal.

When Minho comes to terms with the fact that he has powers, specifically the power of flight, the first thing you do is urge him to start training to become a super. It’s your latest obsession, the name ‘Megaman’ leaving your mouth at least a billion times a day.

You tell Minho that you want to marry the famous super one day, regardless of the fact that there’s more than a decade between you two. That’s when the boy starts to think that maybe if he becomes a super, you’ll want to talk only about him instead.

Although it doesn’t take much convincing, actually getting Minho up in the air is the difficult part. You have to take it slow, holding his hand even if he’s only a couple of inches off the ground.

After weeks of the same results, it doesn’t seem that Minho will be able to make any improvements, so you do the only thing your ten year old brain can think of.

You unclasp the silver chain that rests around your neck, pendant shaped the same as the first letter of your name, and put it around his. Your hands come to rest on his shoulders, face serious as you try to pretend you’re like a sergeant from your dad’s favorite war-time movie series.

Minho scrunches his brows and tilts his head as he asks, “What’s this for?”

You giggle, serious façade immediately breaking, “It’s a good luck charm! This way, I can be with you whenever you’re flying and you don’t have to be scared.”

“For real? I can actually keep this? You’re awesome, Y/n! I’ll never feel scared if I have this with me!”

You give the boy a tight hug, a giant smile contouring your lips. Minho mumbles something into the crook of your neck, but you don’t quite catch it, so you pull back, hands still grabbing his shoulders and keeping him at an arm’s width away.

He looks unsurely down at the ground for a moment, contemplating if he should voice what he’s thinking or not. However, when he sees your that your encouraging smile hasn’t faltered one bit, it’s just the boost of confidence he needs.

He places his hands atop your own and says, “The necklace sure is great and all, but do you know what’s even luckier?”

You get pouty for a second, thinking your best friend might dispose of your precious gift. With a frown on your face, you grumble out, “No. And I don’t really care either.”

“It’s you, dummy!”

“Hey! Don’t call me a dummy when you’re the dummy, dummy!”

Minho resists the urge to roll his eyes because of course you’d find it in you to argue in a moment like this.

“Ugh, fine, I’m the dummy,” he concedes. “Anyway, I was thinking you can be my lucky charm! As long as you promise to never leave me, of course. And then we can be best friends forever!”

“Really? That’d be perfect, Minho!”

“Promise? That you’ll be by my side forever?”

“I promise.”

Flash forward a couple years and the two of you are sixteen. You’ve become on of the top students in school, balancing grades and your responsibilities as student council secretary. Minho has made a name for himself as a super, dedicating most of his time to saving lives and counting on you to catch him up when he returns home late at night.

However, with people on the streets becoming more aware of him, it also means bad people are better equipped to deal with him.

It’s one fateful night, the wind is howling in his ears and lightning flashes every couple seconds. He’s managed to sneak his way into a gang meeting, trying his best to calm his heartbeat and memorize every detail about the scheme that’s supposed to occur in the coming weeks.

The lightning ends up being a dangerous adversary, its light illuminating Minho’s crouched figure from his place beneath one of the windows on the second floor. One of the grunts notices something is amiss and whispers a command for the building to go into lockdown. He also alerts a guy who appears to be an interim boss of Minho’s location.

The other grunts have him in no time, using their familiarity of the layout to their advantage and sneaking up on him. They grab his arms, forcefully pressing them against his back, and drag him downstairs to the boss.

Minho finds himself seated in a chair. It feels like an investigation scene from the popular crime show on TV, the nearest source of light being an old lamp shining directly in the teen’s face. He gulps, knowing if whatever he says doesn’t please the boss—and it likely won't—he could end up in big trouble.

However, there’s one more mistake Minho makes, and that is overestimating the amount of leniency he would receive. He doesn’t even get a chance to speak before the breath is knocked out of his lungs. Next comes a sharp punch to the face and he knows that’ll leave a mark that won’t be so easy to cover up.

The gang members are relentless, each taking their turn punching or kicking the poor guy, until it’s finally the leader’s turn.

The bulky old man whips out a switchblade and slowly stalks forward. He places the tip of the cold blade on Minho’s forehead, applying enough pressure to draw blood. Minho’s eyes widen in recognition when he realizes what’s about to happen: the man is going to cut off his mask.

He can’t allow that to happen so he wills his body with all his might to break out of the death grip that the grunts have him in. He flies up into the air, shooting through one of the windows and making his escape. Although he does manage to make it out without anyone seeing his true identity, he flies home with a large cut on his forehead, gash slightly tearing into the edge of his mask.

Minho knows that if he goes home and his parents happen to see him in his current state, they’ll find out he’s a super and even worse, they may forbid him from doing the job he’s come to love so much.

Instead, he lands haphazardly on your bedroom’s balcony. He gives the sliding glass door a weak tap, hoping you’ll hear him over the sound of the raging storm above.

Like an angel sent from above, you do hear his call for help and crack open the door.

“Minho,” you call out, voice laced with drowsiness as it’s almost the middle of the night, “what are you doing? Come inside.”

You slide the door open even more, allowing his drenched body to weasel its way inside. You tiptoe across the room and turn the lights to the lowest setting that the dimmer can possibly allow. When you turn around, you resist the urge to yelp, instead rushing forward as Minho’s body collapses.

“Oh my god, Minho! What happened to you? Look at your face. It's…”

You can’t even finish your sentence, your thumb tracing over the delicate skin on his forehead, not ignoring the way his temperature is rapidly falling.

“We need to get you warmed up first,” you urge.

First, you plug in your space heater and position it in front of your bed. You then grab some spare clothes of Minho’s from your closet and turn, ready to hand them off when you see that his form is too exhausted to move on its own. Carefully, you peel off his suit, embarrassment not even close to being present in your mind due to the severity of the situation. You dress him as quickly as possible, making sure to avoid his open wound when sliding on his shirt.

Lugging his body onto your bed, you cover him with your blanket as well as the winter comforter you usually keep tucked away beneath the bed.

Thankfully, the wound is not as deep as it first appeared, and you hope that you can get away with treating it with ointment and wrapping it in bandages, at least until you can get Minho to a doctor.

You lean over his weakened body as you dab the cut with the necessary ointments and creams. Minho doesn’t make it easy for you. His right hand refuses to let go of its grip on your left wrist, skin never losing contact with your own. However, you let it be, knowing that just like that fateful day years ago, the best thing to calm him down is a nurturing touch.

He falls asleep like that and you can only hope for the best, refusing to sleep until you hear his breath even out.

When the sun rises the next morning and Minho comes to, you practically pounce on him, arms winding tightly around his neck.

“Can’t breathe,” the young man chokes out.

You instantly jump back, worry plaguing your features and tears threatening to spill onto your skin.

“S-Sorry,” you say, voice warbling and hands self consciously coming to rest at your side.

Minho softens upon seeing you so concerned, hands reaching out to grab your own.

“I’m fine,” he tries to assure you.

He tells you that he feels much better; he can’t even feel the cut on his head anymore, and that causes you to laugh, telling him he’s being absurd.

“I was so worried, you know? I really thought you were gone for a second there.”

“Don’t you remember our promise? I’m never leaving you and you’re not getting away from me anytime soon.”

“Of course, I remember. But I want us to make a new promise. I want you to promise me to always be careful on missions and always, always, always make sure to come back home safe to me.”

“I promise. I love you, Y/n. I hope you know that.”

“I love you more. And I’ve always known, dummy!”

“Hey!”

“You can’t even argue this time. You literally have a giant cut on your head. You are officially the dummy.”

“Oh god… Do you think my mom will notice?”

“It’s impossible not to. But maybe we can tell her you tripped on the way to school? She must’ve already left for work by now so at least you won’t have to worry about that for now.”

“Ah, what would I do without you?”

“Don’t know. Probably something dumb, dummy.”

“I hate you.”

“You love me!”

“…I hate when you’re right.”

You’re seventeen, not quite a dancing queen, when you’re first asked out to a school event: the winter formal dance. You’re giddy with excitement, chatting with your girl friends about the insta-worthy proposal all day. A classmate who’d recently been in a group project with you, Younghoon, asked you by stopping you at your locker with a bouquet of roses and a box of chocolates.

Because you’re so caught up in the excitement, Minho has to learn of this event through social media, grip turning his knuckles white when he sees that a picture of you and Younghoon in a side hug is your most recent post. He thinks bitterly to himself that you would’ve liked lilies or snapdragons instead and would’ve much rather preferred Haribo sour gummy bears to a cheesy box of chocolates.

He doesn’t know why he’s so irked, to be honest. He thinks maybe it’s because you’ve always attended school functions together as a tradition and you could’ve at least given him a heads up.

However, on the day of the dance, when Minho sees you leaving your apartment through the tiny peephole on his front door, he swears his heart stops. Even through the distorted view of the glass, you look stunning. Your hair is styled and you’re wearing a beautiful floor length gown, but the only thing Minho can think is how you seem to glow. You’re not wearing any makeup but it looks like a fairy came and sprinkled you with glitter and fairy dust. Your million watt smile is just as bright as any other day, but it has Minho’s heart going a mile a minute like he’s seeing it for the first time.

While you spend the night dancing with your supposed prince charming, Minho spends his night at a table sulking. His close friend, Jisung, tries to get him to dance with one of the many girls who are head over heels for him, but he doesn’t have the heart to, telling his friend that he’s just not feeling well.

As Minho downs his sixth glass of punch and crushes the flimsy plastic cup between his fingers, he makes a promise to himself. He promises that from now on, he’ll try his best to make you see him as someone you can spend the rest of your life with. Because maybe all of the 'I love you’s that he’s said to you weren’t a way to express platonic appreciation, but actually are his way of showing how he wants to be able to call you his own and vice versa.

Nothing seems to be catching your attention. You’re quite dense for an eighteen year old. Even his famed flirting and aegyo tactics breeze right by you. Minho swears if he could use one word to describe the whole situation, it would be the infamous r/woosh.

Everyone in your friend group knows about his not-so-little crush, but they’re waiting for him to make a big move. However, Minho’s used all the moves he knows. He’s about to give up hope when a friend suggests a last ditch idea: the silent treatment. That’ll have to get you to notice him.

He never predicted it would be so hard, though. Seeing you in the halls and living right next door to you but not saying a word isn’t as easy as it first sounded. You’re the first person he wants to speak to when he gets a good grade. His finger hovers over your number when he sees anything he thinks you would enjoy doing together (which is pretty often since he basically thinks about you 24/7). You’re the first thing on his mind when he wakes up and the last thing his mind remembers before he goes to sleep.

It’s taking a toll on you too because after a long week, you corner him at his favorite dinner.

Sliding into the booth across from him with a serious expression adorning your face, you inquire, “Did I do something wrong? I swear I haven’t and there was probably just a misunderstanding.”

“No,” Minho denies. “There was no misunderstanding. I just needed some time to clear my head, I guess. Something my friend said really got to me.”

It’s not a complete lie, but Minho would rather be swallowed by a black hole than admit he resorted to something as petty as the silent treatment, especially when it comes to wooing a girl.

“Next time, give me a heads up, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”

You change the subject, offering to split a milkshake with him, eyes turning their focus from his face to the menu in front of him. You use your fingers to maneuver the menu around to face you, calling over a waitress. You order a vanilla milkshake with two straws and no maraschino cherry on top: the classic order for the two of you.

Minho hesitantly asks after taking a sip of the cold and sweet milkshake, “Hey, I know we’ve made a lot of promises, but I want you to make me one more.”

When you don’t reply but look at him with attentive eyes and an open heart, encouraging him to feel comfortable and speak his mind, he gets the extra boost of confidence he needs.

“Promise me you’ll give me a chance.”

“What? Wait, a chance at what?”

“I guess I should’ve said, 'give us a chance.’ Go out with me?”

The smile on your face is so bright and full of joy that Minho swears he’ll go blind if he sees it again, but the thought is dismissed when you jump up and reach across the table to pull him into a tight embrace.

Placing a light kiss on the tip of Minho’s nose, causing it to scrunch up in an adorable manner, you whisper, “I promise.”

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its-3am-sadness · 4 years

Text

getting lost up in the past— this is what I found

Friday February 1st, 2013:

ugh..im sitting in third hour..i wanna cry, but i cant theres to many people..

can anyone really save me? ..no.. noone ever can.. i just wanna be happy, truely always happy.. )': ughhhhhhhhhhhh! i gotta go..

Monday February 4th, 2013:

holy shit that was a longg weekend.. i almost cut saturday.. i got a new razor & everythingg.. Jake told me to go chuck itt in the snow, soo i did, but then on sunday i went & found itt.. soo i have itt in my ipod case like my other one.

I stayed up till 3 saturday nightt watching 'Enchanted' i love that movie now (: and i sent Jake a 7 and a 9 page text.. he was asleep though..but his best friend is a girl & i have nothing at all against that, i don't have a reason to hate her at all, i havent even met her, but i still am so super jealous.. i hate that they hang out and slepover together and i dont know, i trust him.. but look what happend with the last guy, i trusted him with all my heart, i never thought he would cheat on me and he ended up fucking his ex-girlfriend and lying about it.. im so scared.. i dont wanna be here.. i was thinking saturday & yesterday how i wish i was single just so i don't have to be so paranoid..but i love being around Jake that i wouldnt dream of ending it..

Shawntay said i should tell him about how i feel with him & his besty, but i idont wanna be the dumb bitchy girlfriend who is all 'you cant talk to girls-blahh blahh blahhk' shitt, ya know?? So ima just leave it to myself because i don't care..

im really trying not to cut.. Tabby (my ex's girlfriend) told me that it takes 21 days to break a habbit & we both last cut on the 22nd, soooo we'll see how that goes..

on wednesday it'll be me & jake's 4 months.. & next thursday is valenitines (how ever you spell itt) day and i wanna get him something.. hmm..

my tits now have names.. right one is Adam & the left is Ryder (:

I love him, my baby. <3 soo much.. </3

Wednesday February 6th, 2013:

today is 4 months with my baby!! i love him sooo much. dude. <3 he is so amazingg. i just want to push him in the snow and kiss him and be crazy. i am crazy about him.. like super crazy aboutt him. <3 i dont wantt him to be taken awayyy! ):

Hunter said he was going to ask me out last week on friday on the bus.. god he's a douche.. he broke my heart so many countless times and just left.. and my ex. my good lord, he is such a dick. im sick of them both fucking with my head and heart. ive moved on and it Shawntay's words 'have a new life with a better guy'.. god i love her. i dont know where i would be right now if it werent for her.. <3 i love you shawny'z forever <3

Friday February 8th, 2013:

well..i almost cut last nightt, i didnt but i was aboutt to.. im not taking my meds, im just throwing them in a bag & ima sell them.. they weren't working anyway soo..

Im seriously so sccared that Jake's going to leave me.. even though he says he's not going to an yada yada yada, but still.. im paranoid.. it's just who i am... i love him with all my heart though.. ya know??

im diguesting..im a whore..a damn slut.. in love with a guy who prolly cant stand me.. im fucking pathetic.. why..why..why would, HOW could anyone like me, or put up with me.. i mean, what the hell..im a little ugly bitch. a fat, pathetic, stupid, idiotic, loud, sluty little damn bitch...fuckkkkkkkk.